#2) what harm could it do? to who? if they say it loud enough they might get themself in danger the same way other queers are so... protect

[fuckthisshitimin]

This slurs & labels discourse is particularly pissing me off today because I sat down with a friend who told me she didn't want to call herself bi because that would hurt "real" bi people which she isn't because she never dated a girl???? And when I told her she could call herself whatever the fuck she wants she almost cried???? And people are still out there thinking gatekeeping words does us good????

If a cis guy calls himself a tranny I'm kissing him on the mouth btw. With tongue.

[temis-de-leon]

Replaced MC AU/AU - Intro

Characters: demon brothers, Diavolo, Barbatos, gn!MC and gn!NES (New Exchange Student)

How’s it gonna be , Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

Masterlist

CW: insecure and jealous MC, condescending Diavolo and Lucifer, they like that you're jealous but they mean no harm

.

The brothers tried not to smile when they saw MC’s pout, most of them enjoying their insecurity to some extent and letting it feed their egos. It was flattering, seeing them jealous of the possible presence of a new human, the threat of being replaced by the newest atraction. And although MC knew they didn’t really want to cause any harm, it was impossible not to feel a pang in their chest when they saw how interested the demons were in bringing another human.

“But I don’t understand” they said “Why do you need another exchange student from the human realm? You already have Solomon and me”

Diavolo laughed and crossed his arms over his chest, looking at their frown with condescendence before bringing his serious diplomatic expression back and explaining himself once again, this time slower.

“We think the program could work better if there was a human more similar to you, someone with a normal lifespan and a more… naive understanding of magic”

“Having Solomon as the second human student would only slow the process of building a relationship with the human realm” intervened Lucifer with a know-it-all smile.

“We need another human that acts like a human” concluded the prince.

But still, it didn’t make any sense. Having a regular human wouldn’t speed the process, not unless they were an important political figure, in which case it wouldn’t be a regular human anymore; and even then, two humans on their own would never be able to convince the whole world to accept Diavolo’s offer.

Their explanation sounded like a convenience and MC suspected with a heavy heart that what the royals and the brothers really wanted was something different that could expand their knowledge on the modern human society; as if MC was a comfort plushie from their childhood that would be there no matter how abandoned they felt.

They didn’t want to hurt their feelings, MC knew that, but lying made everything worse. What if the new exchange student brought more than they could ever offer, even with their powers? What if they were prettier or more interesting or stronger? What if MC wasn’t enough anymore?

“You’ll always be our favourite human, MC” murmured Belphie with a soft smile, guessing their thoughts.

He said it with good intentions, no doubt, but MC grew angry nonetheless. What made him think he was the right one to say that? He, who wanted to destroy all human mankind over a grudge and a misunderstanding, suddenly wanted to meet more humans?

MC scoffed and crossed their arms, knowing the new student would be there no matter how jealous or insecure that made them feel.

“And when will they be here?”

.

.

Just one month passed until they were all present in the castle, impatiently waiting for the new human to arrive.

The brothers had spent everything they had on MC: free time, money and words of affirmation, but none of that seemed to have any type of importance when they all looked so happy to be there.

Only half of them were there the first time MC arrived, for crying out loud!

“Is everyone ready?” Barbatos asked stepping into the red circle engraved on the floor.

He didn’t wait for an answer before opening the portal. Had he waited, MC would’ve begged for a couple of minutes. They felt their heart beating in their throat, acting like an obstacle for the bile that threatened to come out.

A figure appeared with a flash of light, gasping and grasping their chest with urgency. The mist cleared within seconds and all of them stared at the new human with open wide eyes, simply watching as they got up on their feet, alarmed at their surroundings and looking at everyone like a prey amongst predators, which wasn’t that far off.

Not even a minute later, their gaze stopped on MC and their expression softened, instincts surely recognizing the only other human in the room.

“Hey”

.

.

.

I'm going to tag everyone who specifically asked me to tag them and some of those who wrote the positive feedback because i love you all (but if you don't want me to, just tell me, i won't get offended): @stfuchaase @k1-an @megs-wonderland @kkeromenoo @va109 @marvelous-maniac @cruzerforce4256 @blarsh @marathedemonoverlord @junni-berry

[jazeswhbhaven]

Maybe I want Him to Bite...(Lucifer Selfie Card Prologue React III) *Spoilers*

You know the drill lovelies...back it up to part 2 if this is the first part you're seeing!! ->

From there you can be linked back to Part 1 if you haven't read that first either. If you've read both, yay you made it to the final part! Let's goooo (༎ຶꈊ༎ຶ╬)

Alright so let's see what' this goofy ahh bitch did...

We done broke all the rules up in here and I'm-

Good LORD he looks like that????

I was startled because I'm like oh no boo you gonna have to warn me before you pull a "jeff the killer, creepypasta, the rake, smile dog" on me. /j

LMAO I can hear this even though MC doesn't have a set voice.

And everyone else was silent asf like not saying a goddamn thing. Even Gamigin who's usually loud as fuck was saying nothing. LMAO

Yes MC, you did. All in order too like? XD Even though this is some shit I'd do personally, I would also be like "Oh damn I didn't die??"

And Lucifer was like "What are you talking about?" and MC was panicking trying to get an answer from the nobles being like hello????? but silently and Marbas and Morax hit em' with the-

"Ah so staring at him and touch his snake doesn't do anything. Got it."

This would have been me.

Because what do you mean?????? YOU HAD RULES AND WAS JUST THROWING MC OUT THERE WITHOUT CONFIRMATION????

This is why I have trust issues. Lol

So it turns out Lucifer was reacting the way he was out of being startled, not because he was going to end someone's life. But I think we all know what he looks like when he actually is out here in murder mode. The event was clear in that regard.

So Lucifer calms down the snake on his clothing, and MC comes up to also touch it out of curiosity. So this tells us, the snake doesn't really cause any harm per say...but I'm sure it does something more so give Lucifer the power to do something.

Snake boi

MC apologizes and well Lucifer doesn't really understand why for a moment (he does laugh at the action though mostly from amusement). But MC lets it be known that they are apologizing to the snake and him.

WAIT WAIT WAIT "Child of Adam?????" AYO? I need more lore about why he said that, which I can only guess why he said that. (and honestly, now I'm thinking of Adam from Hazbin Hotel lmao)

But I mean, this statement just shows he's a least learning to observe MC for their own personality. Not Solomon's.

MC is confused tho, but Lucifer is like "You're amusing"

ANd then????

HE BITE?????

HE BITEEE

h e

b i t e

Stop. Why is this so hot?

HES SO GODDAMN HOT????? BITE ME SOME MORE????!?!?!?!

SO AFTER HE BITES MC HE ORDERS THEM TO TOUCH HIM?

And this is where I was freaking out on that post. Because I had a headcanon I didn't share here, that because of Lucifer's power he could basically order you to do whatever and you'd have to carry that out.

i.e. If he said you aren't allowed to touch yourself ever unless I give you permission, that means no matter how horny you are you can't get off or do anything until he says so and that brings in a whole new kind of foreplay/dominance type thing where literally his word is to be followed. But at the same time....there could be loopholes if you're smart enough to figure them out and want to be a brat.

Whoever gets his card and unlocks the rest of the story?? I'll be waiting patiently.

Okay, so I'm gonna say that from this prologue alone, his selfie card is possibly the best selfie story out of the 5 kings. I was vibin' with Mammon's but this one rightchea? Phew. Mostly because I wanna see how Luci gets down and it already seems like his venom is some kind of aphrodisiac. Because sheesh MC was getting worked up and horny quite immediately from being bitten and you know what?

I wonder if you can extract the venom and have it applied to foods for the same effect...(Don't tell Bimet he'd capitalize on that shit)

But man. I told you all that once his card released I'd probably stop caring about Juno and transition over and well that happened. (still gonna do the reader fic though)

It's funny also that I did this prologue faster than I did his event which I STILL have yet to post about. lol

But as always lovelies, I thank you for sticking through my crazy reacts

-your lovely admin ♥( ˆ⌣ ˆԅ)

[harlowtales]

Y/N goes into labour at Gazebo Fest with Jack on stage 👶🏻

18+ only - Mature Themes🚨

“Ok baby I hope you’re ok.” Jack said as he kissed you and grabbed his keys heading out the door to head to Gazebo Fest sound check in the heat of a May Kentucky afternoon.

“Will you please go? Grandpa is coming to pick me up later. We’ll be in the VIP section so gramps is out of the way. I know this is your first festival you’re running for the city and I’m about to deliver this baby at any moment but everything is going to be fine.” You went in for a deeper kiss as you couldn’t get enough of your husband’s pillowy perfect heart shaped lips. Your favourite thing to do was suck on his juicy bottom lip just to remind him of who’s boss.

“Mmmmm don’t start ok, I’m going to be late. I don’t know how you manage to heighten my anxiety and calm me down at the same time.” Jack said to you half wanting to take you into the bedroom but his heart was beating fast as he had his mind on the 2 days coming up of the whole production of the festival. It was all on him to make it a success.

As planned Grandpa came to get you and promised he wouldn’t go and try to get too close to the action. He insisted on going and Jack had a hard time talking him out of things. Now that you were pregnant it was more him keeping an eye on you.

“Are you comfortable Y/N? Let me know if you need anything” Grandpa said as you took your seats. He was forever the gentleman and it was obvious where Jack got it from.

“I’m fine, just feeling the pressure is all” you said as you rubbed your belly “the baby is sitter lower.”

“Oh I know it’s just a matter of time. We’re all very excited. I have big plans for this little one. Maybe they’ll like car sales and I can buy them a dealership.” He said proudly.

“Maybe Grandpa.” You said with a giggle. Everyone was putting their 2 cents in as to what the first grandchild from Jack would be. Jack and you agreed you would let your child decide what they want. Jack said if they want to act or rap he wasn’t going to stand in the way, but was maybe hoping for a doctor or professor.

The opening acts were done and it was time for the big moment for the King of Kentucky to take the stage. You got as excited as any fan and were disappointed you weren’t allowed to watch from the side of the stage as usual but Jack wanted you out of harms way and away from the music being too loud. In the box they catered to your every need, but you would rather be hanging out around the stage drinking ice cold Modelo in the heat.

It was evening now and you didn’t want to miss Jack but it was too long of a day for you now. You asked if there was someway to lay down and Grandpa was concerned. “We can go home” he suggested kindly.

“No I….I don’t want to miss Jack.” You said wincing a bit from the baby kicking hard.

“Y/N you don’t look good.” Grandpa said honestly and concerned.

“That’s enough for you for the day. There’s plenty other times for you to see Jack.” He insisted.

“But there’s no…ouch!” You paused and winced. This felt different. It was a sharper pain you hadn’t felt before. “There’s no other first….oh!” It came again “No other first Gazebo Fest.” You finally finished saying in between wincing and flinching from sharp pains you were starting to feel in waves.

“Get over here! She’s going into labour, I need help!” Grandpa said having no idea what to do. He thought he could handle it but seeing you in such pain was too much for him. He had grown so close to you it was hard for him and he had never seen a baby born in his life. In the days his wife had babies husbands weren’t allowed in the room.

“I got this don’t worry.” Sunni said who was hanging around in the vicinity. He didn’t want to step on Grandpa’s toes who claimed territory over being beside you, but he knew if shit went down he was the only other one in Jack’s circle that could help. He had seen his sister’s kids born in her home birth and helped out during the whole ordeal.

“You got this ok?” Sunni said rubbing your back “breathe like this” he demonstrated taking a deep breath in for a count of 3 and slowly letting it out. You started to feel more in control, but the contractions were speeding up.

An ambulance was on the way and venue security was making sure the whole area was blocked off for privacy. They found a cot for you to lay on as you felt weak. Jack continued to spit bars of such hits as Nail Tech, and They Don’t Love It while you started to cry out in pain holding Sunni’s hand tight as he guided you in what to do. He advised people to not call Jack but in an open air festival people saw a commotion in your section and cell phone started coming out like crazy.

Finally the ambulance got there and gently moved you onto the stretcher. Jack saw ambulance lights in the distance and paused the show as he always did concerned about the crowd. He hadn’t yet got the news while performing that his baby was coming.

“Everyone please take one step back. An ambulance is here please if someone needs help clear the area and make sure everyone around you is safe.” He said trying to keep the crowd calm. Just then Urban came up on the stage and whispered in Jack’s ear.

“What the fuck??” He said to Urban amplified by the mic near his mouth. “She said what? Finish my set? Is she fucking crazy?”

In between contractions you sent a message for Jack to finish his set and not leave to come to the hospital. There was too much riding on Gazebo Fest for him to not continue for the fans. In your mind this made perfect sense. Sunni was with you in the ambulance and Grandpa was following in his car. Grandpa had alerted the whole family who was headed to the hospital also.

“Y’all I gotta fucking go. I’m having a baby!” Jack screamed and everyone at the festival roared as Jack jumped down off the side and took off running. Urban, his security, and assistant had no choice but to take off and try to keep up with him. Kat his assistant was running behind him with the puppy who was barking with excitement. They located the black sprinter van and jumped in “How fucking fast can you go?” Jack asked the driver “I’m having a baby.” The driver looked at him confused. “No not me my wife I mean, fuck go!!” Jack said flustered.

It took about half an hour to get to the hospital and was the longest 30 minutes of Jack’s life. “K, I need to know where my wife is. I’m Jack Harlow and her name is Y/N Harlow.” Jack explained as he walked up to the counter out of breath.

“We know who you are Mr.Harlow. Please remain calm. Your wife is on the 12 floor in room 1204, she hasn’t delivered yet, but you’ll have to squeeze in. Your whole family is in there.” The front desk admin explained not too happy with about 6 people in the birthing room that wouldn’t take no for an answer.

Maggie was wiping your brown as you were in position. You had your hospital gown on and a large sheet over your bottom half. You were dilated and the baby’s head was crowning when Jack burst into the room. They managed to stop him long enough for him to put on a gown, wash his hands, and put gloves on.

The baby was coming fast. It had only been a few hours since your contractions started. Jack got there just in time. “Whoah baby! Look at you my superstar. You…oh…oh shit! I see the head!!! She’s coming!” Jack exclaimed and let out the secret you were having a girl. None of his family knew until he just blurted it out. The whole family cheered much to the doctor’s dismay and more people had showed up like Urban and 6 of Jack’s other friends.

“Ok everyone I know this is a big deal, but it’s a little tight in here can you please step outside and Mr. Harlow please contain yourself. It’s distracting. Baby is coming and we need to focus.”

“Yeah of course doc I got you.” Jack said “Ok y’all get da fuck out.” He said to everybody ushering them out of the room. I gotta catch my little soccer ball right quick here.”

“That’s not exactly what I meant Mr.Harlow but thank you for clearing the room. Now are you ready?” The doctor said motioning for Jack to crouch down and get in position to catch the baby.

“Doc I said I got you. You don’t even need to be here for real. I got this.” Jack said confidently.

You were so happy to see him. It was getting chaotic and Jack being him brought you some peace and made you laugh which took your mind off some of the pain.

“You look good down there baby as usual, don’t trip, ain’t no thang, just need a few more pushes and she’s out.” Jack said coaching you in his own way.

“Jack don’t make me laugh right now.” You begged breathlessly holding Maggie’s hand and trying to listen to the nurse telling you when to push, breathe, and stop. He was being completely serious and didn’t get how much he was irritating the doctor.

“Ok Mrs. Harlow bear down and give a big push. This is it.” The nurse said. “Mr. Harlow get ready. Hold your hands like this. Here’s your clamp and scissors.” She said handing everything over to Jack who wasn’t ready for what everything entailed in this moment. His whole world was about to change and it hit him like a ton of bricks.

“Welp you got this so I can go.” The doctor joked with Jack patting him on the back and heading for the door.

“Ah hell naw doc, I was just kidding please don’t go.” Jack begged.

“Uughhhh!!!!!” You screamed and bared down hard. The head came out and rest of the body just slipped out quickly. Jack caught his daughter filled with so many emotions he started to cry with joy. Guided by the doctor he clamped the umbilical cord and snipped it. It all happened so fast.

“Mr. Harlow you want to bring your daughter over and clean her off for mom?” The nurse asked as Jack was just stunned staring at her in his arms. Her tiny body was shaking with loud crying.

“Got good lungs on her baby.” Jack said to you staring at her and continuing to hold her.

“Jack give Y/N the baby.” Maggie said “She needs to eat and bond right away…Jackman…did you hear me?”

“Jack give me my dang baby.” You said prying her away as he was fixated on her. She latched on immediately and sucked happily resting on your tummy. She was beautiful with fine brown curls, olive complexion, and grey/hazel eyes she hadn’t fully opened yet. Jack saw a dimple like his when she yawned and he lost his mind. You were exhausted and had nothing left. Jack kissed you on the forehead and pulled back the curtain covering the glass doors.

About 20 people were waiting from outside the room. It was the most famous birth the hospital had ever had. They all would have been front row for the event had they been allowed.

“Don’t y’all got nothing better to do?” Jack teased them. “Y’all act like there ain’t a festival going on. We’ll have y’all over soon. Thanks for coming I love y’all so much but we getting on these good people last nerves so go on y’all.”

“Just one peak.” Phil said anxiously

“No come on Phil.” Said Ismail pulling him away

“Baby, you ready cuz they all crazy.” Jack said about all your family and friends

“And my family hasn’t come yet.” You said rolling your eyes. They had a ways to travel from out of state but when your mother and Grandmother and aunties got there, it was going to be something else. Your daughter had no shortage of love.

“Did you see the way I cut the cord like a boss” Jack bragged.

“Hunny please.” Maggie said “You did nothing compared to Y/N.”

“Ok fair but I executed perfectly. She has a perfect lil belly button.” He beamed with pride.

“Jack.” You said faintly as you were now just too weak and falling asleep ready to go to your room and rest.

“Yes baby?” He said “You want me to take her so you can rest. I get it give her to me.” Jack said eagerly

“No, I want you to go, like can you leave please?” You said half smiling “like how turnt can you be right now. Just looking at you is making me tired.”

“Ok. I’ll chill out but let me take her please.” He said reaching down to scoop her up.

“Hunny hold her like this.” Maggie said “hold her head properly.”

“Mom I got it.” Jack said defensively

This was just the beginning of motherhood as Mrs.Harlow.

@okaaay-mice @itsyagirljaz @ride4harlow

[robiinurheart33]

I’m SUCH a sucker for drunk calls/texts confessing their love and y’all know I gotta project it onto ghoap (buckle up guys its a long one I had to break it into two parts SORRY) pt. 2 (clicks for Palestine)

Soap’s blood is pumping. He can feel it heat up in his cheeks in the form of a blush, giggles bubbling up in his throat and his mind loose enough to just sew together a semblance of a bad idea.

Deployment had been boring at first. Stuck at home with unending nervous energy, fingers twitching and aching for the solid feel of a gun, the rough texture of his vest, the adrenaline clapping him on the shoulder before shooting through his veins like a drug. It was so unendingly dull. It’s not like he had anyone waiting for him at his apartment in Glasgow, and their break time was too short to visit his Ma.

So why not invite a few buddies out to drink? No harm, no foul.

Well, that’s what he initially thought. A couple hours later of wheezing and pounding of the table, shoes sticking to the ground and the smell of booze wafting though the air, Soap could confidently say that he was wasted. He’s leaning heavily on his buddy, chum, pal, that he for the life of him cannot remember right now. He’s swaying from side to side, feeling unusually breathless as he mumbles what could be the song that’s playing right now. He’s not sure. He combs his fingers through his hair, scratching a bit anxiously at the nape of his neck. Soap’s not sure if he wants to cry or laugh or vomit right about now. Pretty sure that’s a sign to fuck off, pass out on his bed and deal with the rest tomorrow.

Soap pushes off his… friend? Wait, did he even come with him? And heads towards the general direction where the toilet is. Might as well not look like a homeless person before heading home, wouldn’t wanna scare anyone. His head is spinning, pounding, loud, loud, loud, and nowhere near done with its madness. Soap slams his hand on the wall beside the toilet door, squinting and hoping the door he’s reaching for is the actual door, not it’s double. He does, in fact, get the right door (small miracles), and pushes it open.

He fumbles with his zipper and exhales heavily as he relieves himself. The man beside him in the toilet exits with a sniffle and stumbles out, the music getting louder for a second before the door closes again. Soap leans heavily against the sink counter and washes his hands, placing his fingers together and splashing water onto his face. Soap drags his hands down before greyish-blue eyes look back at him with a piercing stare. He blinks, and re-evaluates again. His hair is flopping to one side, weighed down by sweat. His face is flushed and his skin glows slightly with a thin sheen of sweat, his freckles just shy of being seen under his rosy cheeks, eyebags evident through the haze. He looks down and- oh. It appears his attempt at splashing his face with water wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped, half of his shirt drenched in water. Soap tugs loosely at the corner of his sleeves, releasing the bundled up fabric at his pits. He frowns in discomfort as the sticky heat of his arms lay back down against his skin. He sighs once more, not really feeling like his lungs are filling with oxygen, turning around and laying his hip against the counter lazily before pulling out his phone. 0237. He swipes down on his home screen and pouts at the “no new notifications” tab. He unlocks his phone and swipes through his contacts, unsure of who to drunk text at this hour. Gaz is probably asleep by now, if anyone has a spotless sleeping schedule, it’d be him. Price would have his head on a platter if he texted him about anything non-military business. Laswell, no. Ghost?

Huh.

Ghost…could be someone he could text. Soap isn’t quite sure if he would be awake right now. Do ghosts even need sleep? He huffs at his little comment, tapping on their chat together. Do they have the kind of relationship where soap can dramatically drunk text Ghost at 2am right now? Soap lets out a little bemused huff when he sees that he reached a dead end to their chat after one swipe of his thumb. Of course. Right bastard doesn’t text anyone. He tilts his head up to meet the flickering white light of the bathroom ceiling, watching water damage and mold streak across the concrete. Ghost… how is he during deployment? Does he still wear that mask around the relative safety of his own apartment? Does he have any hobbies? Does he go to the gym as well? Does he long to be back on base? Does he long to be back in the chaos of the war zone, alongside soap? Does he think of soap? Does he ever think to- before Soap knows what he’s even doing, his fingers clumsily type out a greeting.

Hwlli

That’s not quite right.

Gellp

Nope.

Hellu

Oh my god.

Hello

There we go! Soap smiles giddily at his screen, bringing it closer to his face before very carefully writing a much more sophisticated and brilliant follow up.

U up?

He’s the smartest person in the entire world. He supposes a part of himself preens at the thought of even just being able to text someone like Ghost. Big, bad, Ghost. He decidedly does not giggle like a schoolgirl. Just as his mind starts to wander back to the world outside the sickly bathroom, his phone vibrates, and looks down in confusion.

Drunk?

Soap frowns.

Who

You.

Wanna try anf gues, Lt?

You are drunk.

He says it like it’s a fact, like he knows everything. It annoys Soap, much more than it should. He supposes that it could maybe be something to do with the massive amounts of alcohol thrumming through his bloodstream at the moment, but he knows for a fact that it slices through his brain, presses against his throat and contracts his chest.

Yiu think so?

I know so.

Soap thinks Ghost is being a real dick right now.

Ittle know iy all

You’re drunk, Johnny. What do you want me to do about it?

Johnny. Johnny. Johnny. His head spins. If he closes his eyes and imagines hard enough, he can hear the raspy gravel of Ghost’s solid, thick British accent murmuring commanders into his ear. Speaking of noises, his brain starts to register more of the music from outside, the start of a song that Soap can vaguely remember, but he can’t quite put his finger on it right now. The electric guitar, drums and bass all purr in his subconciousness, his lips parting over the words, moving silently as he tries to pinpoint exactly where in the song he is right now. There’s this tune… think of you.. repeat, until I fall asleep, spilling drinks on my settee…do I wanna know? Soap whispers, his mind curling and his ribs creaking. He feels like he’s truly, deeply losing it now, fingers slowly loosening over his phone. His head feels too big and his cheeks are burning, his shirt too tight against his chest and arms and his toes too restricted under his shoes. Everything was funny and everything was too bright and shiny and yearning and blurring and he wishes Ghost was here and he wishes everything was different and he wishes life could just be a little bit easier and-

His phone is vibrating.

Crawling back to you.

[noellesturniolo]

Nic Sheff x female reader okay so like the reader also has some addictions but not drugs just weed and alcohol and maybe some self-harm too if you do that stuff and they basically try to help each other out but like Nic finds the reader like dead but not dead and yeah angst + fluff

Thank you!!

𝐓𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 - 𝐍𝐢𝐜 𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐟𝐟

𝐀/𝐧: 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐬, 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬, 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐝! 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬!!! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭��� 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐞𝐫! 𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝, 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫, 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬. 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰! 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐝𝐨....

Living with Nic had been a roller coaster, with constant highs and lowest lows. Highs had been staying clean for days and lows were the days you were caught out in an alley buying from a mysterious man.

It wasn’t anything hard, so not a single thought crossed your mind while buying.

“it’s just weed nothings gonna happen.”

Weed wasn’t even the worst you had done, so you didn’t know why Nic was so adamant about you not buying anymore. Weed only took the painful thoughts away. Nic had pleaded with eyes full of worry for you not to go and buy. Here you were in a dark alley on a rainy night, meeting up with this random plug who offered to give you a good amount for a small price.

“10 bucks?” Confusion washed over your face.

“Yeah I mean, I just need to get rid of it.” he handed the bag to you.

“Alright man, thanks” You handed him the 10 bucks and strutted away feeling on top of the world for the deal you had just scored, you made your way to the car.

You glance at your phone, 2:48 am The phone reads. You glance at the text your mom sent about an hour ago still not knowing how to react.

“Y/n, you can't just keep ignoring us. All I'm saying is that it's bullshit you wasted your life when you could have gone to college like Amelia. Your sister is a perfect role model honey, love you!”

“Fuck Amelia and your petty bullshit momma, always Amelia this and Amelia that.” you talk to yourself leaving your mom on read.

You start your car and begin to head home, wondering what Nic would say if he saw that text, what he would say if he saw the weed you newly bought.

The drive was short, mostly when you're going 90 down a highway. Only takes around 10 minutes, the apartment you fled almost 45 minutes ago was now dimmed and seemed quiet from the window. You head up the stairs, play with your keys, and finally find the right one, playing with the handle you see the apartment is empty once you enter. A note is left on the refrigerator “went to get some food, I'll be back please be safe.”

You hastily open the fridge grab a bottle of tequila, rush to the bathroom, and lock it. Opening the window so the smell of weed would be faint instead of bold enough for Nic to walk in the door and notice. Turning on the water, you plug the drain to have a nice hot bath. You begin to undress and see the recently dried scars on your thighs, too far up for someone to see unless your clothes were off.

“Lucky you,” you said out loud yet again to yourself, it had been awhile since Nic had seen what your naked body had looked like, and you promised him you would stop.

“Yes Nic, I promise, I swear I'll never do it again.” the concern grew in his eyes as he traced his fingers over your cuts.

“Y/n…please. Never again,” he pleaded with you as tears fell down his face afraid he might lose you. That he might fail you.

You snap out of your thoughts and see the bathtub has filled up and you step in letting the hot water and steam consume you. You pop open the bottle of tequila and take a deep inhale of the cart you just bought, switching it out every time until your mind becomes hazy.

Something wasn't right, no you had gotten crossfaded before. Your head didn't feel light, it felt heavy and your movements were slow and you were struggling to move around, you couldn't focus. Had you been laced? What was going on?…. Your eyes began to go blurry and then it was black.

You could hear pounding on the door and the screams and cries of Nic, but you couldn't comprehend a thought, you felt so heavy and couldn't see.

“Y/n please, open this door please fuck. Are you okay?” his cries echoed through your head.

You tried to talk but nothing came out, you didn't move. A slam is heard, over and over again. The lock had come loose and you felt Nic hold your head above the water, now cold. When did that happen?

“Hello this is 911, whats your emergency.”

“Hello my girlfriend, she uh, she's passed out, she's barely breathing I-i uh- I think she overdosed? Send help please.” he breathes out shakily.

That was the last thing you heard before it all went faint and you woke up to the fluorescent lighting and hum. The occasional beep from a monitor.

Fluttering your eyes open, you see a curled-up Nic clasping your hand peacefully asleep and snot dried up around his bare nose. His eyes were red around the skin from wiping the tears away.

“Nic?” his head quickly jolts up and he stands up.

“Oh my god, hi sweetheart.” he grabs your chin gently kissing your lips afraid of hurting you. As if you were glass and he didn't want to break you. “Hold on, j-just hold on.” he presses the call button for the nurse.

“What happened? Nic…nic wh-”

“Baby, you were laced. Fentanyl. You're lucky you are even here, you were lucky to have the type of- no- not lucky at all but you didn't have the type that kills you instantly. but-” he drops his head into his hands pulling away from mine. “We have to talk.” he looks at me with his wide puppy eyes.

“Okay.” I look down at him. “You can't do this, you can't put yourself in danger. You can't lie anymore, you said you would be a better person for me. I said I would be a better person for you and you didn't hold up your end of the deal y/n. DAMIT.” tears threaten to fall from both of your eyes. He grabs your head and looks at you like nobody else exists in the world. His big eyes filled with tears was a sight that was engraved into your brain. “Just please baby. I'm here.” He cries.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry Nic. I just needed some time to wind down and I didn't know. I just didn't.” your voice breaks.

“Please we need to get through this together honey, I love you so much. I saw everything honey, please you need to get better for me. I can't stand for you to hurt yourself like this.”

“I love you, Nic, I promise I will change for you, baby.”

[jackchampiongf13]

“One hell of a Women.”

Word Count: 1.0k

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x fem!reader

Summary: Y/n has gone through lots of trauma in one lifetime. She gets mad at her one and only true love for risking his life in battle even though they aren’t even together yet.

A/n: I am seriously sorry for not posting anything for like weeks but school has been kicking my ass. Thank you so much for the support on my last post I love you all sm!! Also ik I said I would only ever write for Jack but I feel back into my obsession rabbit hole with Neteyam so I thought why not write a series(maybe depending how I feel) on it. Love you all❤️❤️😝🦃

————————————————————————— From a young age you were very mature. You were always silly, but oh so wise. When you were 4 your mother was killed by your father. You had witnessed this gruesome attack but still held deep love for your father. This made you stronger and a mighty warrior. In the village many people knew this, including Jake Sully.

Your mother came from the same background as Jake Sully. Making you very close to his children. Your mother had come with Jake and Norm and ended up falling in love with a Navi. This man turned against you and your own mother after being bribed by Miles Quaritch to have everything he has ever wanted. But he had to kill his mate. And you, but you survived which he did not know of. Thinking he erased his entire past he moved on and helped Miles with his plan to kill Jake Sully.

Since you had no one anymore Jake gladly stood up to care for you and convinced his mate Neytiri, who also was happy to be there for you because of how close the two were.

—————————————————————————

“You fucking dumbass!” You shouted. No shouted is not good enough to describe how loud you were being. “What you thought that was ok to do? Lo’ak you are a stupid moron who does not take orders!” You flick his head making him jump back out from being surprised in pain.

“I- look I’m sorry I jus-“ he starts to get out but you flick his head again. “Listen to me. You don’t get to say sorry or say anything!” You start to go off on him but then his brother jumps in “Look Y/n this is my fault it’s ok let’s just go back ok?” Neteyam says in a tempting voice making you want to listen. “You too! You say no you don’t egg him on you idiot. I mean god I know he doesn’t listen but jesus drag him by his ear!” Lo’aks ears go down as he can’t even look you in the eyes, but Neteyam can. And he is. Making you almost stop. But you can’t.

“I’m older than the both of you! I get to yell at the both of you for being idiots. 1, Lo’ak are you kidding me? You get to have a role in the battle but you always need more! Fucking more? 2, your father, YOUR CLAN LEADER gave you a role to follow but what do you do instead? You don’t listen! I don’t care if he’s your father and you don’t care if you get in trouble by him but I do! I’m in charge of your asses out there and if either of you get hurt I get shit for months.” Neteyam starts to smirk while looking at the both of you. He’s thinking Lo’ak deserves this big ass lecture.

“AND YOU! Don’t even start to smirk. Say no! No Lo’ak! I will not let you mess up everything and HARM so many other people because you are selfish!” You yell pushing your finger into his beautifully chiseled chest. He stands there listening respectfully like the gentleman he is. “Guys I’m sorry but what were you thinking?! You could have hurt yourself Lo’ak! You could have killed your brother too! And I know I’m this moment it may not seem like it but I love you both so deeply and don’t want to see you get hurt.”

They both smile at you and you roll your eyes and walk off pissed. But god so heavily in love with Neteyam.

“I don’t understand what you see in that women Neteyam.” Lo’ak says while looking at his brother watch you walk away.

“She’s one hell of a women and it does stuff to me” Lo’ak frowns.

“Get a room freak.” Neteyam frowns at this comment but can’t help just rethink everything thay just happened and smile the slightest bit.

—————————————————————————

Hours later you are in your tent just laying on your cot. You start to feel sorry and want to go apologize realizing you were way to harsh. Especially on Neteyam. It’s not like he can control his crazy brother.

Before you even know it your legs are taking you to your crushes tent. You begin to walk slowly but your heart begins to beat faster so you pick up your pace just to get this over with.

“Nete are you here?” You know hoping he’s not. “Yes come in!” He shouts back. Oh shit.

Walk in and smile and he smiles back. He looks into your gorgeous eyes but you quickly look away to much of a coward to look at him.

“What’s up? You’re not one to apologize you are way to stubborn.” You giggle knowing this is very true. “I know but I can’t help but not say sorry. I was being very selfish back there. I know Lo’ak never listens you couldn’t do anything about him.” You start to fiddle with your fingers but he stops you and makes you look him in the eyes. “Look love it’s ok I thought it was funny you going off on him. He totally deserved that and now he’s scared of you.” you laugh again.

“I am sorry Nete it was so rude of me.” He takes your hand in his “Love stop apologizing.” Your cheeks betray you and start to blush hard for the second time at the nickname.

“Nete, I-“ suddenly a scream is heard and next thing you know your running towards the mysterious noise.

[findmeinthefallair]

Retraumatization vs. Self-Soothing (Part 1)

There will be a Part 2 that focuses on new material from Watching and Dreaming. Warnings: Heavy discussion surrounding how trauma works, mentions of self-harm, suicidal ideation, death, effects of abuse and discussions about therapy (from my perspective as a practicing therapist).

Military training and preparation in Hunter's old life as the Golden Guard did not make room for two aspects of mental health issues: getting retraumatized, and how to self-soothe (which is rooted in relationships, not to be confused with the cognitive clarity that I imagine Belos expects from the elite Emperor's Coven).

Having a clear purpose laid out for him by Belos as a result of enmeshment with his parental figure...is what he was so used to, as evidenced by this line:

He lost that sense of purpose, since Belos betrayed him. It will take much reassurance for him - from external inspiration, and having it be internalized over time - to believe deep down that he is allowed total freedom to decide who he'd like to be.

First off, retraumatization:

You can be triggered but not necessarily experience retraumatization, sometimes it may be a partial episode, sometimes a full-blown episode. It is almost always unavoidable in complex trauma and can happen in unexpected places at unexpected times, even in therapy sessions.

Hunter was clearly retraumatized during his 2nd and 3rd panic attack scenes. In For the Future, I think the two scenes where he rages also count. All those scenes except the 3rd panic attack were partial retraumatization, but the haircut scene seems like a full-blown event where it's pretty obvious he's at risk of seriously hurting himself. He was reliving the unspeakable.

Examples of him being triggered but not retraumatized are when he saved Gus towards the end of Labyrinth Runners, and at the end of Clouds on the Horizon when he failed to save Luz.

I know from my own C-PTSD experiences that the intensity of such episodes can vary: ranging from a small annoying mental prick that is far away enough that I'm not even irritable or noticeably scared, to feeling like my soul has been torn apart all over again.

I personally think the most insidious part of complex trauma is the first number of years of its aftermath, like aftershocks which can be more damaging than the original events. Once you are safe from the immediate danger, grief settles in for real, you begin to see in retrospect how screwed up the events were, and you're in a minefield of painful reminders. Casually taking a second to consciously remember a tiny fraction of the events can be enough to reel you into being retraumatized.

For the rest of Hunter's life, there will be so many bad memories he retains. Some days he might be fine, but there could be days where saying Flapjack's name out loud might be enough for the floodgates to open. He might feel that he'll be fine in opening up to a new group of people about what happened, but once he begins he might find it hard to breathe again. If he's anything like me, he'll also be stricken by a bunch of nightmares about being trapped in places, or about people hating him and acting like he doesn't exist.

Some memories will be more notable than others, one of which is the searing memory of Belos's ultimate display of rejection (wanting to discard him once he asked "What did you do to the other guards?") and of abandoning him:

And I suppose the darkest of all, the muscle memory of the helplessness he experienced during the possession scene:

And the blame he'll inevitably place on himself deep down, despite his efforts to rationalize and convince himself that it was all Belos's doing. He has been tainted with moral injuries that have marked him for life. During life-altering events like this, there is usually a most upsetting split-second that a client can single out when they process it in therapy. It's even used as a narrative device of sorts in shows: here it's when we see the shadow on the ground showing him hurting Flapjack, and off the top of my head I remember it being a significant point in another show I like, The Sinner, which the plot built up towards. In trauma-informed modalities like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), the therapist literally gets the client to find this most upsetting mental image as if its a frame to single out in a mental video file, and will then measure how disturbed the client is. This is only done after 1) trust (rapport) can be clearly felt in the relationship between therapist and client, and 2) they get the client to put in a solid amount of practice imagining themselves in a safe space of their own choosing (which is like the opposite of a traumatic flashback: positive and deliberately created, not negative and automatic).

It's easy to identify what sensation Hunter would find the most upsetting:

Anything that might remind him of this tactile experience could open that doorway to feeling retraumatized.

*horrible cracking sound of palistrom wood being damaged* And it's almost like the web of awful reminders (internal and external) he has, will branch out of this worst exact moment.

Therefore his treatment plan would require much tailoring and room for variation depending on what kind of day he is having. A concern that his loved ones would have is of retraumatization like below, that presents the risk of self-harm:

Another concern is the risk of the terrible voice of C-PTSD whispering things to him, the inner critic that might be fed by survivor's guilt:

(E.g. "Why did Flapjack have to be the one to die? It should have been me. I don't deserve my loved ones. Maybe I shouldn't even exist")

or fed by Belos's gaslighting which definitely happened several times offscreen:

And: Hunter wants to learn how to carve palisman, a craft that will bring new meaning and fulfilment as he heals, but which won't be as easy as he'd like it to be.

I was astounded like crazy when looking back at this:

"Palismen bond through emotion. I do not sense any conviction from you." "Emotion" and "conviction"...

both of which are essential components of recovering from trauma.

It couldn't be more poignant to have the character in the show who endured the most trauma (if you count how in his old life, he stole palismen and sent them to their doom, to literally keep his abuser alive), want to be the successor of this craft. I think he will have to embrace "emotion", like never before. And "conviction" about his life direction.

If he ultimately shuts himself down, isolates himself, letting the grief imprison and encase him,

that would be the antithesis of the big speech he gave in Thanks to Them. But I know he'll have the amazing resilience to want to love and connect deeply. And to make sure Flapjack's sacrifice wasn't in vain.

I'm already thinking that whoever his therapist might be (and my god, I 100% say he needs one. I'd rather he not refuse therapy, though maybe he'd need a bit of time before he starts such sessions, because his case desperately requires someone properly equipped to untangle all that trauma).......they ought to establish the following:

Increasing his self-awareness, acknowledgment and acceptance of his mind and body. The frayed feeling of being hypervigilant. The scars covering his body. The talking aspect of the therapy will play a role in attaining this.

Recognizing internal and external trauma-related triggers and cues that may show up in his routine, to actively take self-care measures, e.g. he is unpleasantly reminded of something during an outdoor picnic with the others.

Going through skills such as containment and distress tolerance. Sometimes a therapy session can get scary enough that a client cannot feel safe taking their pain home with them. They can practice containment by visualizing themselves leaving their pain with the therapist for safekeeping. Eventually, the client can hopefully contain the pain themselves and bring it with them wherever they go. Distress tolerance examples include naming all objects of the same colour around you, or doing something nice for another person.

Being familiar with the specific self-care methods that work for him, since this will vary a lot from individual to individual.

In the first number of months learning how to carve in the workshop/wherever he'll be taught, he definitely should not be left unsupervised, not just because of inexperience in carving: but also in case of retraumatization. The simple act of merely touching any palistrom wood on a bad day might be enough to viscerally bring up the upsetting image of Flapjack being harmed.

A guardian figure (current best guess: Camila?) must be briefed on how to be present for him and what to do if he needs help during bad episodes, relapses or other emergencies. Said adult should join in the therapy sessions at times to reinforce trust and safety in Hunter's new world of officially being in a family. An adult is a far better choice because the other kids should not shoulder such a responsibility (i.e. being parentified like what happened to Hunter) as they process their own trauma, though they of course can help in smaller ways.

If he's wanting to make his own new palisman (very high chance that this will be canon), I bet people like Eda might want to run through that with him. It may not appear onscreen but the therapist could also discuss this with him in sessions because it'd be good to think through whether to allow some time to grieve Flapjack first, even down to details like discussing the meaning and intention of creating the new one, does he want the size and feel of the new one to be different, etc. Perhaps he should even bring the work-in-progress carving to therapy where the therapist can check how he's doing in real-time with the tactile experience of touching and feeling the wood in his hands, processing the likely fear he'll have of harming anymore palisman (yes, even the new ones he creates), especially with how things went with Flapjack. The underlying theme would be his new opportunities to create life vs. the trail of destruction he has been a part of via his association with Belos. His own hands have created things, and have not just played a role in damaging and destroying lives.

Looking into the kind of relationship he has with the idea of physical touch, since his body has been violated, since his being was reduced to an object and tool. Forming new associations to exist alongside the old associations, e.g. when carving a new palisman, it'll be a very long time before he'd ever engage in that without Flapjack even crossing his mind, if that's even a possibility. I have a good feeling that a new palisman of his own would naturally help him along in terms of keeping him calm and grounded using physical contact, by filling an additional role as his trauma support animal (Flapjack himself was undeniably an emotional support animal, like a war veteran's therapy dog). Therapy plus his support network could help him hold both the newly forming memories together with the old haunting ones: they can coexist, and logically the general intensity of the traumatic memories will decrease over time.

Biggest of all in my opinion, keeping him from falling into black-or-white thinking and catastrophizing especially re: the grief about Flapjack. Seeing how he is coping with feelings of grief, guilt and shame. He would be feeling guilty, like he is leaving Flapjack behind or like he is choosing to forget him (this pattern is common in bereavement), if he chooses to have another palisman of his own. But he needs to believe he can still make space for Flapjack in a new way, in his life. ("Black-or-white thinking" and "catastrophizing" are from a list of what's called Cognitive Distortions, a handy aspect of the commonly used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy theory, or CBT. You can easily look up the various types with a Google search) Finding ways to honor Flapjack, honor the good memories and integrate the bad ones. In the early weeks it will be a lot for him to remember specific times like this:

without being able to separate them from the worst memories of harming Flapjack, and the potential to spiral into retraumatization will be high. This poor teen might run into the "What's the point?"/"There's no point" depression wall which is a frequent sign of black-and-white thinking in recovering from trauma and grief.

There would be more on the above list for sure, but this is a substantial portion of it.

Next, self-soothing:

Self-soothing has not come naturally to him (yet), but he has had exposure to being soothed by others. There are also great clues that he needs this, such as the plushie he owns and keeps under his pillow.

Gus introduces one form of this to him, the square breathing technique, in Labyrinth Runners. Further practice to improve at self-soothing would be an upgrade beyond the basic actions we do on autopilot. An example of basic body language is Hunter slightly hugging his lower legs and bringing his knees up in front of his chest to feel safe here:

I think the root of him lacking the skills to effectively self-soothe is...he has not experienced secure attachment with a parent/guardian. Attachment theory (devised by John Bowlby in the 1950s and expanded upon in the many years after that period) has to do with how kids develop a sense of security and whether they can bond with and depend on responsive and responsible caregivers or not. There are four attachment styles, three of which are insecure compared to the healthy secure type of attachment. 1.Anxious attachment: Children with this kind of attachment have very high distress when a parental figure leaves and is absent. The kid may show needy behavior and have a low sense of self-worth, and struggle with the tension between craving closeness with others yet feeling they're unworthy of that.

2. Avoidant attachment: This usually means the parent prioritizes the child learning hyper-independence, and may punish the child for naturally asking for help. It would reach the point where such children avoid the parent, and even show no preference between said parent and complete strangers. Later in life, they may stay away from being vulnerable, appear to have high self-esteem but dismiss others' emotions which would lead to relationship issues.

3. Disorganized attachment: This style is where the parent was inconsistent and unpredictable, perhaps being both a source of comfort and fear, so the child's attachment pattern is reflected in a confusing mix of behaviors and being quite on edge. The world and the people in it would feel scary and unsafe for the child.

4. Secure attachment: As you can imagine, such kids would have had their needs attended to by a parent who has a calm, soothing presence.

My hunch is Hunter leans towards the disorganized category, since Belos is terrible like below, sending mixed messages and getting Hunter to fluctuate between seeking attachment and recoiling from it:

This takes us to the most important part of this analysis:

The need for warmth in Hunter's relationships.

A concept not incorporated into a toxic culture like the Emperor's Coven. But which is vital to truly facilitate deep trust, and is essential in what Hunter is looking for most: a family.

And such warmth is something that extends beyond words, detached analysis or a theoretical understanding, all of which are processed by the prefrontal cortex of the brain. It goes deeper into the realm of experiential understanding (and, physical affection is something that definitely lends to formative experiences), feeling trust and security, which of course is more subconscious.

Examples of putting self-soothing into practice include mindful walks, playing with a pet and journaling. Making it a deliberate routine to promote a good ability to self-soothe - not just using it whenever he is retraumatized - would significantly increase its effectiveness e.g. I advocate for Camila giving him a good morning and good night hug every day, and/or giving such hugs before he leaves the house and after he returns home 😭😭😭😭 Something like that being predictable for a C-PTSD survivor can work wonders.

He won't be used to self-soothing immediately but as he grows yet closer to his new family, particularly becoming securely attached to whoever will replace Belos as his guardian, his wounded inner child will be exposed to the warmth needed for healing. Soothing words to calm him on bad days, wonderful heartfelt hugs, to save him over and over again, like Luz's repeated "You're gonna be okay" from this past scene:

This is what he can take with him when he needs to self-soothe without immediate help being available.

It's certainly not the case that just because he lacked these key foundational ingredients in his years being a young scout and the Golden Guard, it means he is too late. Our brains have neuroplasticity, he can learn and still build a foundation with incredible people in his support network.

Plus. Plus! Related to the earlier section in which I speculated on the challenges he's up against when learning how to carve palismen: I have a good feeling that despite the painful memories and uncomfortable associations, plenty of room will be made for much beauty in that environment and profession. I think the creatures he brings to life will love him a ton, and give back the doses of love that he puts out into the world, via his craftsmanship and him providing something so meaningful for countless witches out there. It'll poetically be the opposite of the fear of the palismen he sent away in his old life, and the fear that followed him around like an overhead raincloud because Belos exerted control over him...and I'm a believer in love and fear being opposites. *cue: a mental image I now have of a bunch of adorable squeaking live palismen flocking to him as their creator...like puppies being excited to see an approaching person*

To wrap up, both the concepts explored above tie in with a concept I researched a bit for this analysis: community mental health.

It is defined by the American Psychological Association (APA) as activities that promote mental health that are performed in the community instead of institutional settings. I've experienced this as a peer support volunteer in a mental health charity's cooking and baking group in the past: it's a cool experience that has a distinctly different feel from sitting in therapy sessions, yet it's a good way to boost mental health. Having both in parallel is a powerful combo.

I'd put emphasis on the last bit of that definition, "instead of institutional settings", because early on I already thought to myself that Hunter, a cult survivor, should not be made in any way to feel as though his recovery progress is a test, evaluation or something performative. That might reinforce the sense of long-time isolation in the castle which he believed was normal before he met his friends.

Additionally it might be over-familiar territory for him to attach the notion of success vs. failure (applying that to his recovery process), to his worth. There's a hint of this in his reaction in Thanks to Them to not doing as well during Camila's brief pop quiz. The Emperor's Coven and everything it normalizes is the height of "institution". Lilith is obviously the other character who has been affected enough by Belos and how her mother treated her for so long, to be prone to the same issue. We see it in how she begs Luz for approval when learning how to use glyphs.

Usually therapy feels prescriptive and staged, unless the therapeutic alliance between therapist and client is strong. But sessions are filled with technical wording such as "skills", "management" and the like on a normal basis. Which is why if Hunter attends individual therapy, solely relying on that in isolation will not be beneficial. It must be paired with a healthy dose of community mental health care e.g. events in markets, schools and notable public places that will have a more organic feel to it.

He needs variety in his treatment plan to dismantle the effects of the Emperor's Coven's fearmongering and rigidity. Variety can intuitively and wordlessly convey to him that life is meant to be lived, not survived. An in-between blend that involves a professional setting like individual therapy but also the community element would be group therapy, which I imagine is a given for so many people on the Isles after the great danger passes in the finale.

Belos's tyrannical reign has left everyone on the Boiling Isles with grief and confusion. It has left the worst scars on not just Luz but also Hunter, since the latter previously operated on the same side as Belos, and unknowingly advocated for a cause that he realized was the opposite of what he felt is right.

Community counteracts isolation and reminds Hunter that he is part of something bigger. There will always be spaces in which he can create something new, enjoy laughter as great medicine, and be heard and accepted.

The second and final part of this topic will be uploaded after Watching and Dreaming. I hope this first part was informative to read.

[buckybarnesisdaddy]

Siberia

Summary: On the plane ride to the compound, as you drift off to sleep on Bucky’s shoulder, the memories from years ago flood your mind, memories you thought you had worked past.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Rating: mature due to violence

Warnings: Violence, choking (not the fun kind), threatening, attempted murder.

A/N: it is super important for everyone to know that in my story Winter has his own autonomy. In the sense of that he has a choice in what he does, for the most part. He does Hydra’s bidding, he is still brainwashed, he is still a victim, just like in the movies and comics. But he also is fully aware of what is happening around him, what I’m trying to say is any relationship involving the Winter Soldier is consensual on his part. He is aware enough to consent! ❤️ I hope that makes sense!

Previous

‼️Flashback- 10 years ago‼️

*You and Bucky know that in 4 weeks Project insight would take place. Neither of you want to be apart of that so you know this is your last chance to run. You run on the plane after Bucky. He reaches his hand out, you look up and meet his gaze. Smiling, you grab his hand and climb in.*

Y/N- was it really this easy?!? *You exclaim as you pull Bucky closer.*

Bucky- I'm not questioning it! *You laugh as he picks you up and kisses you. You moan and then whisper against his lips.*

Y/N- Ask me again. *You say softly. Bucky kisses you again*

Bucky- Will you Marry me? *You wiggle in his arms, but before you could answer you are both surrounded and restrained by Hydra agents. You start screaming for Bucky*

Y/N- Bucky! No- Get off me! Leave him alone! *Bucky is fighting the men holding him back and he is screaming as well. His voice is roaring loud.*

Bucky- Let her go! *He screams* Don't you touch her! Y/N!! If you harm her I will kill you! *He growls loudly the room falls silent as a man walks in the room.*

-Everybody needs to calm down *You look around to find who's speaking, you know who it is but your eyes need to see him to confirm. Alexander Pierce walks through the group of men straight to you. His smirk is bone chilling, he grasps your elbow and starts to lead you away.*

Pierce- let's talk *You swing your leg out and kick him in the knee as you spit in his face.*

Y/N- Go to Hell! *You snarl in his face. You were waiting for a retaliation but nothing came. Pierce wipes his face and just huffs a laugh. He then motions to the agents and they move you to another part of the plane. You can hear Bucky screaming as they escort you away.*

*You stand there, restrained and forced to listen to Pierce.*

Pierce- Y/N, you have 2 options. Option 1, you tell Bucky you never loved him and you were only using him to get out of this God forsaken place. Tell him the whole thing was a little Black Widow scheme to get away from us. If you choose this, you live out your life with us and he goes free or option 2... *Pierce stares you down.* We kill you and make him watch. *Your blood runs cold, you know he will do it.* Obviously, this isn't a great option because you'd be dead and he'd still be with us. Look Y/N, *He speaks in a condescending way.* We can handle loosing one of you but not both. So, you get to decide. Who. Goes. Free. *You glare as he walks around you, staring you down.* Which do you think he will actually be able to live with? Knowing his Girlfriend died for him and for nothing at that point because like I said we won't loose both, so he will still be stuck with us. Or knowing she never loved him and was just using him *He sees your eyes darting back and forth, trying to figure a way out of this but also knowing there is no way out.* I know, I know, these choices aren’t great, *Pierce leans in close* but you didn't think we would ever let you leave...did you? *You stare straight ahead accepting what you have to do.* You're our best. *He pulls at your braid, almost like a father would. You glare up at him.* So why would we make this easy. *You grit your teeth as he steps back* Either you stay with us or you die. *You look at the ground and then the a breath. You look up and will yourself to find the ability to speak.*

Y/N- If I do this you won't hurt him? *You ask* He gets to walk away and you will never bother him again? Ever! *Pierce smiles and lifts his hands in the air*

Pierce- I won't touch him. *He says*

Y/N- fine *You answer shortly, the men holding your arms still let you go. Pierce laughs and squeezes your shoulder*

Pierce- Wow I honestly thought you'd fight a little harder for “your man”. Guess you really don't love him. *You rip away from him and you speak clearly and harshly through your teeth.*

Y/N- I love him more than you could ever know. More than you could ever think of loving someone. But if lying to him gets him free and away from Hydra- away from you, you sick son of a bitch, then you bet your ass I'm gonna do it. *You raise your voice a little* Do we have a deal? *He smiles at your fire, that makes you even angrier.*

Pierce- Deal.

*You walk to where they are holding Bucky. You say to yourself ‘okay Y/N this has to be your best performance yet’ you think, this is to save Bucky. He sees you walk through the door and he wants runs over, taking your face in his hands and look you over, but he is chained still. He just wants to make sure you are okay.*

Bucky- Y/N! Are you okay? Help me get out of these- tell me you’re okay! Look, we can take them- *You take a breath*

Y/N- James stop! *You sigh* Look, you're nice and I needed a way out. I thought you were my best option but then you got feelings and ugh *You pretend to retch* fell in love. *Bucky is taken aback, he shakes his head*

Bucky- what?? Y/N what is going on? *He pulls at his chains.*

Y/N- I was only using you to get out of this Hell hole, James. And well you couldn't even get me out without getting caught so. *You shrug* I'm just gonna go back- I mean my life wasn't so horrible- *Bucky cuts you off*

Bucky- Except it was! You hated every minute with them. This isn't you-

Y/N- actually it is- *Bucky interrupts you again, yelling at first and then he softens his tone*

Bucky- NO!! This isn't the women I love- The women I would die for- *His voice breaks* the one I want to Marry. God, Y/N remember, please!?! I don't know what they did to you but remember!! Don't let them turn you into the monster you fear. *You turn away because you can't contain the tears any longer. This is all to save him*

Y/N- I will always be a monster.. Just. Like. You. Goodbye, James. *You walk away, and hear him start to cry. Bucky poured his heart out to you in your years together and you just used every fear he had to break his heart. If only he knew it was to save his life as well. At least he will be alive. Maybe in time I can fix this.* You go stand next to Pierce as he walks in.*

Pierce- okay, now that we're done with that… *He looks at the guards* Wipe his mind and get her out of here.

‼️Present day‼️

*You are still asleep on Bucky's shoulder but you start to mumble in your sleep. He can tell you are having a nightmare, so he kisses you on the head and holds you tighter. Your nightmare continues*

‼️Flashback‼️

Y/N- YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! *You run at Pierce with all your might and head-butt him. Bucky sees you fighting. He doesn’t know what happened or why you had tried to break his heart but he knows you’re fight, and you are back.*

Bucky- Y/N!!! *He didn’t even put up a fight until he heard you screaming. He is forced into the chair and strapped down. You don’t hear him yelling and fighting over the sound of the roaring in your ears. You don’t hear what they are doing to him until it’s too late.*

Y/N- WE HAD A DEAL!!! *You scream! They just started the process and Bucky sounds like he is dying. Your attention turns to Bucky, you run to You try to stop them but you can't. You turn back on Pierce.*

Y/N- YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T HURT HIM!!! *A big guy come up from behind you while you are distracted by Bucky. The man puts you in a choke hold as Pierce gets in your face.*

Pierce- I said I would not hurt him and guess what, I'm not. *He smiles and raises his hands to make a point. You kick your feet out but all it does is put more pressure on your neck.*

Y/N- I- wwiiill k-kill yoou. *The last thing you hear before you pass out is Bucky talking to Pierce. Well it’s not quite Bucky.*

Winter Soldier- Ready to comply. *a tear slips down your face.*

*You wake up in the same room as you hear the door behind you slam shut and lock. Looking around, you turn to see him. You are determined to break through to him.*

Y/N- Bucky, it's me. It’s Y/N- you don't have to do this- *He comes at you full speed and You can't fight him off. He grabs you by the neck and walks you toward the door of the plane. He rips the door open and leans you out, nothing but sky and trees under you.*

Winter Soldier- You wanted to leave, here is your exit. *As you cry you reach out and cradle his face with one hand while you hold his wrist with the other.*

Y/N- Yes, Bucky Barnes. I love you and I always will. I would've loved to have been your wife. *You see the trance break and you can tell your Bucky is back if only for a moment. His eyes soften.*

Bucky- ...y/n *he whispers, not wanting to alert the guards that their brainwashing didn’t hold.*

Y/N- Don't let them get me. Don't let them win, Buck. Please let me go. *you let go of his wrist and rest your hands by your side, no longer fighting. His voice breaks and tears start to form in his eyes.*

Bucky- You said yes. *He says sadly.*

Y/N- I love you, James Bucky Barnes but you need to let me go. They can't have us both. You know what they will do if they get me. Believe me this is a kinder fate. *Bucky starts to cry*

Bucky- Don't ask this of me. *He shakes his head, not wanting to do what you’re asking.*

Y/N- Please I can't go back, you know that! Let me go. *You beg again.* I will be okay. *You assure him. Bucky looks deeply into your eyes and you can see his heart breaking the moment he decides to do as you have asked.*

Y/N- It's okay Buck, we will be okay. I love you so much! *You are fully sobbing now but still a smile remains on your face*

Bucky- I love you too, Mrs. Barnes *he pulls you in for one last kiss, whispering against your lips.* Please forgive me. *Bucky yells in pain and with one swift movement you are falling from the plane. All you remember from the fall is the look on Bucky face and him being pulled back from the door. No pain... just utter freedom.*

*You wake up 3 weeks later in a remote hospital in Budapest. You find Natasha sitting by your bedside. You try to sit up but you can't.*

Nat- Hey, take it easy! You really know how to make an entrance. Even with super soldier serum you are lucky to be alive. *You look at the ceiling, starting to cry.*

Y/N- They have him Nat- they still have him. *You look at her and she takes your hand*

Nat- We can get him back don't worry. *She assures you*

Y/N- He was willing to kill me just so I could get away. No, I'm not about to risk being captured again. I would have put him through all of that- through loosing- *your voice cracks* It would have all been for nothing if that happens. *Nat nods*

Nat- what do you want to do then?

Y/N- I need to disappear. *you look at Nat with tears in your eyes* He asked me to Marry him. We were escaping and he took the time to ask me to Marry Him. *Nat gently smiles* He had asked so many times before but I never answered because there was never going to be a future for us, until suddenly there was. *You smile, it’s a painful one while thinking about the past.* We talked about starting a family, Nat.

Nat- You never had the graduation ceremony? *Nat asks, she always assumed you hadn’t but she didn’t know for sure. When she was brought to train with Winter and you in Siberia yet you weren’t ever sent to the red room, she figured you’d never have it done.*

Y/N- No. Hydra saw promise in me and I was surpassing you in training so they thought it was pointless to send me away for more. They also didn't want to wait for me to heal after surgery so they said they would "deal with it later" but they never did. *You cry even more* I let my guard down for one second and started to make plans, the next thing I know I'm falling from the sky. *you are filled with so many emotions you don’t know what to do. Nat holds your hand and wipes the tears from your face. You hear someone walking down the hall and they enter your room.*

Clint- Hey, the jet is here. If we are going to move her we have to do it now. Also Furry called, needs you to get Cap and get ready for a mission. Something about a boat and pirates.

Nat- okay, thanks *You sit there waiting to leave... and the only thing you can think is, Bucky please forgive me.*

‼️End Flashback‼️

‼️Present day December 2023‼️

*You jolt awake as the jet touches down outside the compound. Bucky brushes the hair out of your face.*

Bucky- Hey, it's okay. You're safe. *He kisses your head* Welcome Home! *you look out the window of the jet and see your new home.

Next

Tagging some mutuals that might like this story 🤷🏼‍♀️😘❤️ hopefully you don’t mind!

Tag list: @hisredheadedgoddess28 @cadencejames87 @cjand10 @janineb86 @jessieasher1616 @slytherinqueen4life @theinheriteddutchess @rainydayandmondays @georgiapeach30513 @anastasiamariebarnes

[radio-navlee]

Spill!

So he’s a little angsty (this makes up for that frown he did at the end of ep 2, PLEASE UNDERSTAND!!)

Lee: Jax

Ler: Ragatha

Summary: (Hurt to comfort) Jax finds himself back at his tree crying until a familiar doll comes to help him

WARNING!! ⚠️: TICKLE FIC!! Gagging, mentions of puking. Self harm? (Depends on what you call self harm)

“Jax was nothin but a lowlife jerk!” “He was so mean!” “I hated seeing his dumb bunny face!” A few things said by the circus members when asked ‘How do you feel about Jax?'. “Well, he’s got something wrong up there” said Ragatha. She didn’t think he was all bad, there was still a little bit of human in him.

“I’m just too real!” Jax thought. Yeah, that was it! The truth was he just knew to much, other just didn’t want to hear it! Ha, yeah no. The real truth was that Jax bottled all his feelings up, he only released them once nobody was around, while he was alone. Sure it was funny watching the other members get pissed at him over a little harmless prank, but he was just mad, grumpy, and sad. He pushed himself away in fear of ruining the way people see him.

“He was never nice!” “Yeah he was so annoying” “even when I tried to get away from him, he’d find me anyway!” “I wished he’d abstract” “He’s such a dick!”

Jax shot up from his bed, rubbing his head. He groaned wiping the sleepy tears from his eyes. ‘Just a dream,’ he thought ‘they don’t really hope I-…’ Jax gulped down the lump in his throat. ‘It’s not real! Don’t think like that’ Jax straightened his head massaging his temples. Jax then felt tears warming up in his eyes, ‘crap’ he thought. He snuck out his room, down the hall, out the circus, and under his favorite place to cry. His tree.

Ragatha heard a door shut from outside. ‘Somebody's up? At this hour?’ Granted, there were not clocks but anybody could tell it was late. She laid in her bed listening for foot steps to go away before getting up to check on it. ‘Weird… how creepy’ She thought as she opened the door to see a shadow leave the circus tent. Still curious, she followed it.

Jax fidgeted with his ears, scratching at them till they became numb. From a distance Ragatha could only make out shapes of the mystious figure. ‘What even is that? A hat? No.. ears? Wait.. JAX?’ Could it really be Jax? Sneaking out of the circus? To do what?

Ragatha watched from afar, hiding in places that would be hard to make out in the dark. Peering out every once and a while to get closer, until... *SNAP* A twig had snapped underneath the rag doll.

‘SHIT!’ Ragtha dashed and hid behind a tree as Jax snapped his head around. ‘Weird...’ Jax thought as seeing nothing. Though, Jax wasnt a realigous person, due to Caine being the fake god and losing his memory from the digital world, he prayed to who ever was out there that nobody followed him from the circus.

Jax continued on, finally reaching his tree. He knew it was dumb to be attached to such an object, even if it was made of pixels, it’s what kinda comforted him in a way. He even carved a J into the trunk of the bark. He curled up to the trunk, pulled his knees up to his chest, his head to his knees, and cried. It started off soft, quickly escalating to a sob.

Ragatha took a minute to catch her breath, she was so close to geting caught. Now paying attention to the floor, she walked at a steady pace, creeping up to Jax. ‘Is he... Shaking? No I get it! He's laughin-‘

A loud groanish sob was heard from Jaxs direction. ‘That is NOT laughing!’ Concern growing in Ragatha as she was finally close enough to see.

‘C-CRYING? JAX CAN CRY?’ The doll was astonished at what she was seeing, Jax, the prank puller, no feelings, Jax, was crying! Jax wasnt even crying, he was sobbing! Out of Ragathas whole experience of this digital world she had never, NEVER, seen a single emotion come out the said rabbit.

"UGGGHHH- *HCK* *cough cough* NGGH!!"

"I should say something..."

"*HACK* *GULP* MHYHYHY HEAD!" He clutched his head, digging his finger nails into his scalp

"I should do something...

.

.

I'm doing it!" Ragatha stepped forward another twig snapping in the process. How comedic

Jax' sobs stop imidently, looking upwards slowly

"...Who ever you are, go away!" Jax backed himself further into the tree

"I mean it!" His voice quivering, his vision blurry from the tears.

“Jax, it’s just me!” Ragatha tried to sound chipper to not worry or scare Jax further

“Were you just- Well I mean-*sigh* are you ok?” The dolls questions blurting out of her. Jax unfolded himself, standing up, putting his hands to his face, and bent over. Ragatha inched closer with a hand out stretched until Jax popped up putting his hands on his hips.

“Yup! Just fine actually! Now it’s your turn dolly, why are you out of the tent?” Jax’s mood changed completely

“No. Don’t do that!” Regatha grabbed at his wrist to pull him back down to a sitting position with her.

“Do what doll face?” His smile now wobbly

“Don’t act like you weren’t just crying a minute ago! I want to help you Jax!”

“What ever do you mean? Heh, I don’t n-need help.” His façade fading as quickly as he put it on

“Cmon Jax!”

“Y’know, you’re acting like a real pain in my side!” Jax furrowed his brows

“Tell me what’s going on!” Ragatha insisted

“There’s nothing going on!”

“Then what’s this from?” Ragatha reached up to poke the indented skin from Jax’s finger nails. He hissed in pain

“Ow!”

“Hm?” Ragatha asked, waiting for an answer. Jax sighed

“Ok you got me! I have feelings like everybody else! Now leave. Me. Alone!”

“What kind of feelings?” She asked softly

“What?”

“What kind of feelings do you have?”

“N-normal ones?”

“Talk to me!”

“if I talk… will you leave me alone?”

“I swear on it!”

“…..Fine!” He sighed

“First, welcome to my tree. I even wrote a J on it, ain’t that stupid!” He chuckled as himself, but it didn’t seem like a joking chuckle, it was more of an awkward pitiful chuckle.

“Fuck it, let’s just get over this as fast as possible..” As embarrassed as Jax was he took a deep breath, and spilled

“Well, it’s been happening for a while now, I’ve been getting these crazy dreams, this time it was about… you guys actually.” He scratched his head

“You guys were talking about me, RIGHT in front of me, but that’s not my worst dream, there was the one with my abstraction, one of everybody just gone, which isn’t to be confused with the one where you all just died, and don’t even get me started on the corn one-” Jax rambled but was interrupted

“And these dreams make you feel like- wait you said corn?”

“D-don’t worry about what I said” Jax breath quickened as just thinking about it scared him a bit.

“Ok well, you come out here after you dream?”

“Mostly after I dream, y’know it’s funny, sometimes I come out here during the day.”

“The day?”

“Anyways, that’s not what makes me… cry” Jax paused at the word, weirded out he even admitted to crying

“Crazy to think it’s actually my mind, what little mind I have left, it jumbles up thoughts and pieces them together that don’t make sense. It makes me go crazy! It’s like a never ending insult that keeps getting worse with every word. Like a stab at my ego, my confidence, my self respect…” Jax hugged himself and he felt the tears itch in his eyes

“It’s like my minds in a tornado, everything spins and my vision blurs like vertigo, my arms and legs feel all tingly and shit,” As Jax explained himself, he felt tears fall down his cheeks. Jax raised his head to look at the doll, her face flooded with empathy and understanding, it made Jax sick.

“D-don’t look at me like that!” He cried, the dam breaking down, the flood gates opened.

“Like what?!” Ragatha asked in confusion

“Like you understand!” He sobbed

“But Jax, I do understand! I feel so sorry that you’ve been going through this and nobody’s bat an eye in your direction!” Ragatha tried to comfort him

Jax tugged on his ears is distress “I don’t need people to pay attention to me!”

“No? Then why are you here then?” Ragatha signaled to the tree. She was right in some ways, Jax crying to a tree was pretty upsetting to her, and it didn’t make it better that Jax didn’t want her anywhere near him.

Jax took a pause for a second to think of a response, ‘Why was he here?’ He felt his head start to hurt again, pulling on his ears harder to help him distract himself from the pain.

“I- *HURKK*” Jax felt like he was nearly going to throw up, gaging and putting his hand over his mouth

“Woah,” Ragatha blurted, motioning towards Jax to help.

Jax put his free arm up to stop her, pausing, then swallowing it back down. Did he really just throw up at the thought of people helping him? Did comfort really make him that sick to his stomach?

“Jax, calm down!”

“Gughh..” He groaned holding his stomach

“Why does this keep happening!” His eyes watered from the puke, tears pouring down his face again.

“Jax listen! Just calm down!” Ragatha held onto one of his hands, but it trembled at the touch, shaking for who knows what reason.

“Jax you hav-”

“Jax isn’t even my real name! I don’t know what my real name is!” Jax took back the hand Ragatha was holding onto, tugging and digging his nails into his ears.

“Jax stop this!” Ragatha pleaded with him to try to calm him down, his breath hitched as he made a realization.

“Wh-…Why are you still here?” Jax look straight at the poor doll. She gulped at the question,

“Because I wasn’t going leave you like this! Jax, you understand people in your ‘life’ don’t want to see you suffer right?”

“You should ask the rest of the group that”

“Jax I’m serious, they care for you! Even if you are a pain sometimes, they’d never want to see you like this.” Ragatha cupped his face. Jax gagged but kept it down, counting and following Ragathas breathing. The sickening feeling slowing going away.

“Now, let go of your ears! They're turning red!" Ragatha uncupped his face, moving her hands to push Jaxs hand away and using her own to try to sooth them.

There was a pause, Jax felt numb as her hands slowly massaged into his ears. He was so confussed, so comferted, but most of all... angry. Angry that he was; 1, letting it happen, and 2, enjoying it.

"This is bullshit" he whispered, loud enough for Ragatha to hear.

"No its not Jax!" Ragatha sang. Jax sighed.

Jax sat infront of Ragatha, thinking. Ragatha hummed as she slowly tried to ease the pain in his ears. She noticed scars at the base, tiny scars, finger nail scars. She felt bad for him, he probally didnt even know he was scaring himself.

"Jax your do realize your hurting yourself right?" She muttered

"What?"

"You have scars at the base of your ears,"

"Oh. I guess I didnt realize." He moped

Ragtha moved from massaging to lightly tracing the scars, how interesting how in the didgital world you could still get scars. She felt the grove of every tiny dent.

"Doholl!" Jax giggled as the sensitive tracing tickled his ears.

"What is it Jax?" She smiled at the low giggle he let out.

"Dohohont do thahat!" He put his hands up to her wrists.

"What? You dont like the tickles?" Ragatha began to spider her nails across his ears

"GAH! Rahahagathaha!!!" He gasped at the sudden change in tenquine.

Ragatha giggled at his reaction. Jax went from mopy and sad to a giggly mess. His face instantly brightened up, he felt his sadness wash away.

"Stohohop!!"

"Cmon Jax! laugh a little!" Ragatha teased

"I ahaham lahaughing!!"

"Yeah, I know!" She smiled, moving a hand down towards his side

"EHEH! Rahahagsss!" He squirmed

"Sorry sorry!" She appoligized, but not really meaning it.

Ragatha moved her hand back up to his ears, he squeaked with the touch. He covered his mouth, not even knowing he could have that noise. The doll chuckled at the squeak stoping her fingers.

"Ohoh my god Jax!"

"Shut it!" He scowled embarrssed. She finished up her last chuckles, getting up to hold out a hand. Singaling to help Jax get up on his feet.

"Guess we better head back to bed huh?" She sighed pulling him up

"Yeah, back to this prision we go.." He joked

"hehe, yeah."

"and uh, hey!" Jax excailmed, grabbing Ragathas attention.

"Yeah? Whats up?"

"*sigh* Please dont tell anybody about this! I already have Gangle and Pomni on my ass from my pranks, if they find out I... come here... I dont know if theyd let me live." He explained.

"Yeah of course. Your feelings are safe with me!" She put her thumb and index finger together and motioned a line over her mouth, closing her eye as she smile. Jax just assumed it was a wink.

(Lord this took way longer than possible, writers block hit as soon as i posted the draft. With school almost being out, teachers have been giving students alot of work, and yes I am still a student so 😞)

[ryujenini]

Fluffcember Day 17

Yeji x Y/N - I always loved you

MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING THAT THIS ISNT REALLY FLUFF BUT IM UPLOADING IT DURING FLUFFCEMBER BECAUSE ITS NOT SMUT

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS IS VERY SAD AND HAS MENTIONS OF SELF HARM, BLOOD AND SUICIDE, PLEASE DONT READ IF THIS COULD TRIGGER YOU, BE SAFE I LOVE YOU

~~~~~~

Another Day and here you were crying , this was a regular occurrence for you ever since you joined itzy, you loved your job, you really did but there was one thing that made it all the more difficult and heartbreaking, or one person you should say and that was none other than Hwang Yeji,  the leader of the group, you're best friend and unfortunately the woman that had stolen your heart

You'd been in love with her since becoming a trainee and with each day your feelings for her grew stronger but you couldn't say anything, especially not now, you wouldn't do that to the girls and risk their careers all because you couldn't control your feelings so for 4 years now You'd been keeping that secret to yourself burying it deep down and hoping no one noticed the longing looks You'd send across the room at the cat eyed girl or the lingering touches that last a moment too long to be just platonic

But they did notice, at first it was just Chaeryeong, she had caught you on a particularly bad day, crying in the corner of the practice room changing rooms sobbing into one of Yeji's sweaters that you borrowed, Chaeryeong sitting with you wrapped in her arms until you had calmed down enough to tell her what was wrong and you had to admit being able to get it off your chest did help a bit but you still felt that giant hole in your heart that could only be healed by the love of your life that would probably never love you back, Chaeryeong giving you a sad smile before hugging you once again trying to help you feel okay even if it was just for a moment

But little did you know Yeji had been experiencing the exact same thing for the past 2 years, the only person she had told about her feelings being Ryujin who knew exactly how Yeji felt before she even confessed anything

Even Lia and Yuna had noticed the love you both had for eachother, all the members thought you were soulmates and were shocked that neither of you had recognised the others feelings yet.

Up until a couple of weeks ago you and Yeji were inseparable but it had reached a point for you where even just the mention of her name tore you apart and caused a dull ache in your chest so you had been trying your best to distance yourself from her despite Chaeryeong's advice to just confess but you wouldn't,  you couldn't

You had pushed everyone away, been ignoring their calls and Texts all week, they were extremely worried about you especially after the last text that you'd sent them simply saying

I love you Goodbye

Not even 10 minutes later the 5 of them had showed up at your door, you stayed in your bathroom, looking at the blood trickling down your arms, wincing at the pain you had caused yourself but also enjoying the momentary switch of the cause of your pain, the Loud banging from your door blending in with the sound of your sobs and matching the chaos inside your mind

After a minute of kicking Ryujin had managed to kick down your front door and instructed the other girls to split up and look for you each in a different room

You looked up realising you didn't lock the door, you were too weak and exhausted to get up and do it now even though you didn't want the girls to see you like this, you made an attempt anyway knowing it would be useless but you slumped back down in defeat seeing the door open and through your blury eyes you knew it was her, the reason for your suffering

Yeji stood at the door, eyes blood shot and puffy, quickly running towards you, sobbing as she wrapped her arms around you before being joined by the other girls, Chaeryeong seeing you, gasped before running off to call for an ambulance

You looked up at Yeji through misty eyes and found it in you to whisper to her your last words "Yeji.....I'm...Sorry.....I always loved yo-"

And your eyes went black, air exiting your lungs leaving Yeji shaking your lifeless body, screaming for you to come back to her, but you were gone, she had lost the love of her life but gained a guardian angel, forever wishing she had just told you how she felt while you were still here

[undreaming-fanfiction]

Banished (1)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

After the shitshow of spring 1986, all parents are kind of worried about leaving their kids with Eddie again, even when he was proven innocent. It’s not that they think he killed Chrissy, but they are afraid that their kids might be targeted for the association with Eddie, like Dustin and Lucas were before. 

Even though Eddie doesn’t want to show it, it breaks his heart because he really loves his bunch of gremlins (and the new additions as well, El, Will and Max who finally joined some of their sessions after healing). He tries to accept it though, perhaps stepping back a bit, not hanging out too much because he wants to keep them safe, damn it, they survived the Upside Down and they’re not going to be harmed by a town mob. Especially not because of him.

Steve notices Eddie pulling away first, of course he does, but he has no way to fix this. The kids’ parents trust him, yes, but he’s not that much older than the party so his voice doesn’t have the power to persuade them. And he tries, he really, really tries. The answer is still the same - “maybe when things settle down a bit”, but damn it, they need Eddie now, and he has a feeling that Eddie needs them too. 

When Steve vents to Robin, he mentions how hurt the kids are, especially Dustin (and he doesn’t also say so about himself, no, doesn’t admit how much he misses that loud laughter, the endless fantasy ramblings, the odes to his guitar), Robin just smiles at him and pats his back. “Can’t make any promises, but I might have an idea what to do.” 

What happens is as follows.

Robin goes to Nancy to ask for help. She refuses to have Steve present and there might have been some gossip involved because Nancy looks at him in a funny way afterwards and says: “Give me a bit more time, you might just get what you want.” And winks at him. Nancy Wheeler winks at him. 

Nancy goes for the throat and ambushes her mother. Karen Wheeler is a caring, sympathetic woman, and Nancy talks to her about who Eddie is, how he’s helping the kids, how he made Mike’s high school experience bearable, even enjoyable. She tells her bits and pieces (not all, definitely not everything, but enough) about his home life and what Eddie means to the whole party. She also mentions (maybe with a small smirk. Definitely with a smirk) that Steve will be driving the kids around anyway and while the mob might go for a few teenagers, they definitely will not mess with Steve Harrington. If nothing else, the Harrington family would absolutely sue. “Please, mom,” she finishes her plea, leaning into Karen. “There aren’t many people those kids can relate to. And Eddie doesn’t deserve to be punished even more, especially for something he didn’t do.” 

And Karen Wheeler just nods with a deep sigh, hugs her daughter and picks up the phone. She makes several calls and Nancy doesn’t want to listen in (well, maybe she does, but Karen is very assertive on the phone so it doesn’t take much), but she hears phrases such as “Claudia, do you know he actually saved Dustin during the earthquake? Exactly. I’ve reconsidered my decision and frankly, so should you,” and “I get that you are upset about the incident with the police car, but please understand. It’s exactly the kids sticking together that saved them and I absolutely don’t intend to dissuade them from doing that.” 

A few hours later, Karen Wheeler emerges from the phone with a victorious smile on her face. She knocks on Nancy’s door and asks her if she could make sure Steve is available tomorrow, to drop the kids off. Also for dinner, they might not be together anymore but she still likes him, considers him family. “But please call him in twenty minutes or so”, she adds, “I have one more call to make.” 

The phone is not picked up immediately, but when it is, there is a cautious “hello?” at the other end. Karen’s heart skips a beat when she hears the fear in that voice, fear of more accusing calls, of insults, assumptions. She curses herself for ever taking a part in that, even if with the best intentions. 

“Hello, this is Karen Wheeler,” she announces, making sure her voice sounds normal and collected. “Am I speaking to Eddie?” 

There’s a gasp at the end of the line, and then a quick “Y-yes, this is Eddie. Look, Mrs. Wheeler, I swear your son is safe, I haven’t been around him in-”

“Eddie,” she interrupts him, strict but kind. “I know. And I thank you for indulging me...and the other parents. But there have been some changes. Would you be free tomorrow at...let’s say, six PM? Join us for dinner, from what I understand, all the kids will be here for their fantasy game. They have been complaining nonstop it’s not the same without you,” she finishes in a soft tone. 

“I’d...I’d love to, I really would,” he says, voice strained, and Karen grips the receiver tightly. She is a social person by nature, but she really wants to meet Eddie now, properly meet him and talk to him. “But it’s not just you, Mrs. Wheeler, even if I have your permission, the others-”

“Will not be a problem,” she completes the sentence for him, smiling into the phone as if Eddie could see her. “I talked to them before calling you. They all gave their okay and will drive their children over, so you can check with them too. But I assure you, it will not be necessary. You are welcome to join us, Eddie.” 

“O...okay.” There is a quiet sound at the other end, perhaps a sniffle, rustling of a tissue? “Thank you, Mrs. Wheeler. Thank you so much. I will...I will be there. Six, you said?” 

“Yes, six. See you tomorrow, Eddie.” 

As she hangs up the phone, she sees Nancy leaning on the wall, smiling. “You’re the best, mom,” she whispers and hugs her. “You really can’t tell where I get the fighting spirit from?” 

Karen Wheeler just laughs, returns the embrace and starts planning tomorrow’s dinner. The phone is finally free. 

Steve picks up almost immediately and when Nancy tells him the newest developments, there is a huge sigh of relief and she can just tell the way Steve is smiling into the phone, running a hand through his hair. “I could just kiss you and your mom,” he laughs after he confirms he’ll be there no matter what. 

Nancy just snickers because there is no expectation, no unfulfilled hope there, just warmth that comes with Steve’s friendship. “Hmm...thank you, but I’ll pass this time. How about you kiss Eddie instead?” 

She hangs up the phone to Steve’s sputtering and, once she’s certain he can’t hear her, laughs until her sides hurt because a shy Steve Harrington? That’s a new one and something she definitely cannot miss. 

[xximpressions]

Raging Fire (2)

Daemon Targaryen x Velaryon!reader

Series Summary: Your Uncle has betrothed you to the King's brother, and when you meet, you are not at all what he expects.

Chapter Summary: Your encounter with Ser Cole endears you to your betrothed

Word Count: 1,302

A/N: I think everyone who commented said "please" on the last part and I just have to respect the manners on this site 😂 Thank you guys for your interest! Here's part 2! Once again, if it gets a good enough response, I may do a part 3. It's up to you! 😊😘

Previous | Next

House of the Dragon Masterlist

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A few days later, you paused your walk down the halls of the Red Keep as you heard someone behind you ask,

“Are you lost?”

Turning around, you saw that it was the young heir to the Iron Throne who was addressing you.

After a brief bow of your head, you greeted the Princess before saying in admittance,

“Yes, I suppose I am. I was looking for the training grounds. Could you possibly point me in the right direction?”

However, instead of answering your question, the Princess curiously asked one of her own.

“Why do you need to go to the training grounds?”

With an amused smile, you playfully said with humor,

“To do what most people do: train, my Princess.”

As an amused smile grew on her face as well, she raised a hand and said, “Please, call me Rhaenyra. We will be family soon.”

After you thanked her for the privilege, she said,

“Come. I will show you where to find what you are looking for.”

And began to escort you there after taking one of your arms in hers.

As you walked, the young girl helpfully pointed out the different rooms you were passing by as if you were on a tour.

It was when you reached your intended destination that she eventually asked,

“What exactly are you here to practice?”

You answered her while you took in the sight of the grounds and noticed a few members of the Kingsguard that were present.

“Today, I will practice the long sword, but I excel in archery and the dagger.”

You looked back to her to see her expression bloom with excitement at your words.

The smile on her face was bright when she asked,

“Can you show me how to use a sword?”

You returned her smile and were about to respond when you heard another voice say,

“I do not think that a good idea, Princess.”

Looking forward, you arched your brow at the man who had intruded on your conversation.

“And you are?”

The man in question glanced toward the girl standing next to you before returning his gaze to yours. That is when he said,

“I am Ser Criston Cole, protector of the Princess.”

You gave him an obvious once over as a disinterested smile grew on your lips. 

In a way that made it clear you were only humoring him, you asked,

“So, why is it not a good idea, Ser Cole?”

There was the slightest tightening of his jaw as he responded.

“It is too dangerous.”

“And yet, danger lies all around us,” You were quick to reply. “Better she learn how to defend herself now than wishing she had later.”

The knight in front of you did not hide his disagreement as he said with bravado,

“She does not need to learn. I will keep her safe from harm.”

“And who are you?” 

You incredulously asked once more with an amused laugh that you could not hold back.

After you finished chuckling, you decided to answer your own question.

“You are only a man, and a man cannot take on the whole world.”

Seeing that he still had yet to budge, you let out a sigh and said,

“Fine. A wager then.”

Moving around him and to the middle of the training grounds, you turned back and said loud enough so he could hear,

“We shall spar. If you can tap me once, I will drop the matter. If I can tap you once, I will begin lessons with the Princess.”

The Kingsguard member hesitated only a moment before he rose to the challenge and met you on the field.

You began circling one another with your swords out before he made the first move. He was fast, but you were agile.

With every swing he made, you simply stepped out of the way as if you knew where the blade would fall.

What you lacked in brute strength, you made up for with intelligence.

So as you allowed him to push you back further and further, you waited for the perfect opportunity to side-step him and duck under one of his arms so that he was now facing the outskirts of the field. As you rose to your full height with your back now to your opponent, you used the flat side of your sword to smack him on his behind.

The added push proved to be too much for Ser Cole’s balance and caused him to fall face first to the ground.

Having barely broken a sweat, you turned to face your now defeated opponent as he rolled over out of breath.

“It appears I win, Ser Cole. Thank you for the spar. It was a good warm up…I suppose.” You finished with a mutter.

Rhaenyra had appeared at your side after you spoke and eagerly asked,

“Can you teach me how to do that?”

Your smile was kind as you said,

“It would be an honor, Princess.”

The knight on the floor merely rolled his eyes before picking himself up out of the dirt and walking off in a huff.

You and the young heir glanced at each other and waited a moment before you both fell into giggles at the man’s frustration.

“I should go check on him. It is not every day that he is defeated by a woman.”

You nodded your head still wearing a smile and watched her walk off after her knight.

However, once she was gone, you heard the sounds of a slow clap echo through the air.

Turning toward the source of the sound, you looked around until you saw the Prince applauding you from across the field.

Though you were far away enough that his clapping sounded distant, you were close enough to see that his expression was one of pride.

As he began to slowly make his way toward you, you decided to do the same.

Once you met in the middle, he was the first to speak.

“You fight well.”

Not expecting such a compliment given your first encounter, you arched a brow until he followed up his comment by saying,

“For a woman, of course.”

But because he said it with a teasing quality in his eyes and tone, you ended up smiling to yourself as you realized this was how he was going about apologizing for his earlier remark.

Having forgiven him the moment it happened, you continued to smile as you replied,

“Well, I hear you are not so bad yourself. My Uncle speaks highly of your time in the Stepstones.”

Pleased at your acceptance of his nonverbal apology, Daemon then chose to eye you up and down. Taking in the attire you wore which mimicked your dragon riding outfit, he had to admit that he liked the obvious fierceness that emanated from you.

In his mind, any woman capable of knocking a member of the Kingsguard on his ass was a woman he could talk to. 

So he was sincere as he said, 

“You could have joined us with skills like yours.”

But you only smirked as you responded by asking,

“Who do you think was leading the naval fleet?”

Which caused a sly smile to grow on the Prince’s face as well. He knew then, that of all the women he could have been matched with, he was glad he had been matched to you.

Coming to a decision, the Prince took your hand in his and slowly raised it to his lips before brushing a gentle kiss to your knuckles and saying,

“Then I am glad we have met at a time of peace rather than at a time of war.”

And as he daringly held your gaze after making such a statement, you knew it was no mistake that you felt the embers inside you start to ignite.

Previous | Next

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[nukaberries]

Ahh im so happy to find a blog that writes new vegas! I got into it recently and its so fun! Sometimes i get tired of hearing the radio especially if im travelling way too much, so i just start singing any song that pops into my head or talk to the companions like they're real pfft

im also way too cheery for my own good lmao, game devs knew what they were doing when there was no push button for running, you know how many times i ran into mines and kept running 🧍🏽

I kinda wanna know how the companions would react to that? A Courier who practically bounces as they walk and if its not the radio or them talking to fill the silence, its them singing as they shoot radscorpions !! Couriers not half bad at singing either! They mostly sing quietly while walking the mojave for obvious reasons but on a night they feel especially safe, they'll be singing so well people will wonder why they're not making holotapes for mr new vegas to play (esp if they say the radio gets annoying at times)im sorry this is long im just excited to see a new vegas writer that hasnt left their blog 🤧

I'm SO late to this one, I'm so sorry! But I'm so glad you're enjoying New Vegas! It's tied with Red Dead Redemption 2 as one of my favourite video games! And I'm exactly the same when I play New Vegas, the radio's never off and I have no spatial awareness. I hope this was worth the wait!! (Sorry again lmao)

//

Companions React to a Loud/Chatty Courier (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade Gannon Admittedly, he's a little intimidated at first. He agrees to go with the Courier since there's no point in him sticking around Freeside where he's not helping anyone. He just doesn't realise he's taken up with the most obnoxious person in the West. He's not annoyed by any means, in fact, the singing is actually quite a nice change from the radio. The constant talking is a little overwhelming for him at first though, as someone whose trying his best to keep his past with the Enclave a secret. He knows the Courier means no harm, and he feels a little guilty having to shut down their questions about him, knowing that they only mean well. They do bring out a different side to him he didn't know he had and he sometimes finds himself humming along to either the radio or Six's singing.

Craig Boone At first, he's annoyed by the Courier, but it's not like he has anything better to do. They're his best chance at wiping out the Legion, even if their incessant talking and singing is a little too much for him. He doesn't have a problem with them, but he prefers silence to having to begrudgingly answer someone who talks at a million miles per hour. The only time he'll really voice his complaints is when he actually needs them to be quiet, such as if they're trying to stealthily take out enemies, thankfully the Courier seems to know when to turn off their radio and stop singing. Eventually, the constant chatter and the singing - that he'll never admit is actually enough to rival the radio songs - become background noise he learns to appreciate. He'll never join in with the Courier's singing, but he tries his best to answer their questions and respond to their comments.

Rose of Sharon Cassidy Cass is another one who can't stand the Courier's chatter and singing at first, however, she's more than willing to voice this. A few times, she actually hid the Courier's Pip-Boy while they slept, unfortunately for Cass, they'd already memorised all the lyrics to Johnny Guitar and sung that on repeat for most of the day. It was starting to reach the point where Cass was certain they were doing it on purpose. The singing she hated, but the talking? She didn't mind the talking. In fact, Cass actually looked forward to the talking, she often struggled to make friends, considering her problems with whiskey, so it was nice to just make conversation sometimes. Sure, she'd still keep trying to put an end to the singing, no matter how good it was, but the talking Cass could live with.

Lily Bowen The first time Lily started travelling with the Courier, she was thrilled. Everyone in Jacobstown took life a little too seriously and being with the Courier was a refreshing change for her. Unlike most of the other companions, Lily actually loves the singing and the talking. She'll even suggest that the Courier tries their hand at singing on the Strip, the Tops and the Atomic Wrangler are always looking for new acts after all. Lily will even try and sing along with them, before realising her voice doesn't exactly compliment or rival the Courier's, but so long as they encourage to join in, she always will. The talking is just as lovely for her, it's nice to know that the Courier still cares about their grandma, even if they are growing up so fast.

Raul Tejada Never in all his years of being alive has he met someone like the Courier. It was one thing that they managed to deal with Tabitha, but the fact that they did it with Radio New Vegas playing on full blast from their Pip-Boy? Raul wasn't sure whether to be impressed or absolutely terrified. He leans more towards the latter once he starts travelling with them, struggling to keep up with the Courier constantly asking him questions about where he's from and what his life was like before the war and how he turned ghoul. Like Arcade, Raul finds it overwhelming and eventually asks politely if the Courier can calm down a little with all the questions, thankful when they actually oblige. He learns to love the Courier in spite of their loud habits, even being happy to fix their Pip-Boy when it stops letting them connect to the radio stations. It's against his better judgement, but they seem grateful for it.

Veronica Santangelo She immediately bonds with the Courier over their love for Radio New Vegas. Veronica wishes she had her own Pip-Boy so she could listen to the radio in her own free time, since lugging a radio around the Mojave Desert doesn't seem like the best idea. She absolutely loves the Courier's singing too, insisting that they don't forget her once they make it big in some bar in New Reno. She also tries her best to be the Courier's backup singer when wandering the wasteland, however, she accidentally stumbles up on a lot of her lyrics and trying to pronounce "Agua Fria" at the start of Big Iron quickly becomes the bane of her existence. Veronica also loves to gossip with the Courier, about her love life - and the Courier's if they're willing to disclose it - and all her least favourite things about her commanding officers in the Brotherhood. Whenever she travels with Six, Veronica manages to get a lot of off her chest

[slytherhys]

About the mindless misogyny post you made; I agree, but I think it’s subconscious to the point of becoming misogynistic. Let me explain.

Common misogynistic traits such as assuming women are only good as dutiful wives, homemakers, baby ovens, demure, polite, etc. is bulldozed to pave the way for strong women who are the opposite of this— brash, loud, strong headed, independent of a man, etc. This is not a bad thing! It doesn’t become bad until the misogynistic traits become demonized for ALL women characters. A female character wanting to have children and stay at home? She’s a victim!!!

I think what we’re seeing is people demonizing Maas female characters “stereotypical” traits. It’s easy to see a character behaving according to these stereotypes and pushing for them to pivot towards something they view as more acceptable. This turns into hating characters for acting out from what is expected of a strong female protagonist and defending harmful ideologies that are directly contradicted by the narrative.

Case 1: demonizing Elain for not wanting to choose Lucien (we have yet to see why this could be. Why not reserve judgment until we get her POV?)

Case 2: Feyre is a bad painter/demonizing her for her motherhood (no proof she’s a bad painter in the narrative. Also, how dare she have a child when she’s a strong independent woman??!)

Case 3: Mor is a liar about her experience/Eris coukd be good we don’t know!! (There are indeed unreliable narrators. However, we have not seen enough to say Mor is lying. We don’t know. Coming out and assuming Mor is a liar and thereby ignoring what the narrative DID tell us about her (i.e. being nailed up by her family, and left to suffer there at the foot of Autumn with no help from Eris who saw her as only useful when she was a virgin))

Ultimately, the pivot towards pushing woman into being warriors is okay, but when it’s taken to mean that any other traits mean she’s a victim or a poor character, it ruins all female characters from being unique. I just wonder why we can’t have women who can do both? What’s wrong with Feyre fighting in war and then becoming a mother and wife?? Women are not just one or the other, just as men are not just masculine and STRONG. Characters SHOULD be diverse and carry a mixture of stereotypical masculine and feminine traits. It’s what makes stories good!!

Side note: if we criticize female characters for being too (feminine trait here) we should criticize male characters for being to (masculine trait here).

Absolutely agree, anon. It's a very thin line we're threading when we want to see strong women represented in the books we read, but it's important to remember there's many, many different ways for a woman to be strong: something Maas shows us with every single character she writes. We have Elides and Elains as well as Aelins and Feyres, Manons and Nestas... The dangerous thing is forgetting exactly that women can and should have different strenghts, different dreams, and different struggles, and that doesn’t make them any lesser.

Questioning ourselves when we make these claims "would I think this about a male character" is a long way to go. I assure you the answer will often enough be "no".

Thank you for your input. It's very much appreciated. 💜

[blackstarmylove]

Threatened Reader 2 (HC)

Fandom: Blackstar Theater Starless

Pairing: Sotetsu, Qu, Akira, Heath, Menou with fem!Reader

Warning: Death, suicide, mental spiraling/depression, blood, self-harm.

Requested by: Potato

Prompt: I think I've finally recovered enough to ask for another Threatened Reader if you're up for it? Nothing huge cast member wise, maybe Sotetsu, Qu, Akira, Heath, Menou? - P  

Original prompt: A reader ignoring their lover because a random fangirl said so or They will Kill her? The leader gets sad and keep forcing them to talk to them but when she yelled at them for the reason she ignored them she gets a bullet shot on her head?….I just want to know how they would react to that can you do a headcannon?

A/N: I FINALLY finished it, and it only took me ages. 😭 Please take the warning seriously. There is some VERY heavy stuff under the cut. Kids, not meant for your eyes!

----------------------------

Prologue:

“Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?” The anxiety and desperation in his voice were evident.

“Just leave me alone!” It pained you to say those words, but you had no choice. You chose to keep your back to him, no wanting to see his distressed expressions.

You wish that you had never met the insane fangirl on that accursed day. Her words kept ringing in your ears over and over. Stay away from him, or else I will kill you.

You would’ve taken her threat with a grain of salt had it not been for the crazed look in her eyes. She meant every word.

While you were busy with your thoughts, you failed to notice your lover behind you. He quickly wrapped his arms tightly around you.

“Don’t do this to me.”

No matter how hard you struggled, you couldn’t get out of his iron grip.  As you continue your attempt to get out of his hold, your eyes rapidly scanned the area. You prayed that she was not around.

“Enough! At least tell me why you’re doing this!?”

The anger in his voice snapped something inside you. “Because I don’t want to die!”

“What?” His grasp around you loosened as he stared in shock.

“One of your fans threatened me! She said to stay away from you if I don’t want to die.” You sighed, “Please, j-just leave-”

Before you could finish your sentence, a loud bang rang through the empty street.

----

Your body slammed on the concrete, limp and lifeless. Sotetsu’s hand trembled uncontrollably as he wiped your blood from his face. The smell of iron had filled every inch of his nose. 

His hands grasped at the thin air as if searching for an anchor, as everything around him began to spin. His eyes blurred with tears as his laughter echoed through the area.

Sotetsu’s laugh was tinged with madness and despair - the laugh of a man who knew the universe was once again being sadistic and taking his happiness from him.

He searched high and low for the fangirl, determined to make her pay, slowly and painfully. He toyed with her, playing a deadly game of cat and mouse. A game that had her fearful to even step out of her house, so he forced her out of her home and continued the game until she could no longer take it and ended her life.

He pretended to be normal after that, but there was always a mad glint in his eyes. But everyone in Starless noticed and was worried about him, but Sotetsu refused to let any of them through.

The memories of the moment you died haunted him - always had him on edge, always watching, waiting for something to go wrong.

Akira's face turned pallid. He backed away, eyes wide with shock, until his back was pressed against a surface. The singer gasped for air, feeling like someone had a tight grip on his throat.

Though he managed to pry his eyes away from your body, the loud thud of your body colliding with the hard ground echoed repeatedly in his ears. Akira pressed his palms against his ears in an attempt to get the sound to stop, but it refused to go away.

Hours, days, and weeks passed, but he couldn't get that sound out of his head.

He started to flirt with every woman who crossed his path, but his heart remained empty. Every girl fell flat. They were just meaningless, nothing more than objects of momentary distraction.

Akira felt lost and empty. Nothing brought him satisfaction, not even singing.

His life turned into a blur of hedonistic pleasures. He slept with multiple women daily, sometimes several at once, at home, in Starless, in random places, at parties, everywhere.

Even then, he couldn't feel anything. Everyone in Starless was concerned, including Kokuyou. At times, Kokuyou slapped Akira to get him to snap out of it, but nothing worked.

It was like Akira was hoping to destroy himself physically and mentally. Then, maybe just then, he would be able to join you...wherever you were.

His heart froze in his chest. Qu's hand reached out to you, but it was too late. You were already on the ground. His hand remained in the air, trembling violently. Qu's mouth felt like a desert, and he could barely breathe. A crushing pressure pushed down on his chest, and Qu fainted.

He refused to leave his room and stayed curled in a corner. He remained there like a statue, crying nonstop. Neither Team C nor Maica were able to convince him to come out, eat, or care for himself.

His once beautiful, spotless skin was covered in breakouts, his well-groomed hair was growing out of control, and his physique had shivered to skin and bones.

Maica worked with Hari to find the fangirl who was responsible for your death. Maybe if they made her pay, Qu would slowly gather himself, but she was nowhere to be found.

He was a ghost among the living. No amount of doctors, medicines, or therapy helped. Even the medical professionals had given up on him.

It was his fault that you died, so Qu was repenting by tormenting himself in any way he could. His team members and friends watch helplessly as Qu's life painfully withered away.

As you lay motionless, your expression one of shock and horror, blood oozed through the hole in your skull. Menou stood in place, his eyes cold and devoid of empathy or remorse.

He walked away, going where his feet carried him. He thought about nothing, and his lifeless eyes stared straight ahead. Menou felt like a shell walking through the world without a purpose.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw your terror-filled expression and could smell the coopery stench of your blood pouring out of the bullet hole. You were there, mocking him, making him remember over and over that he was responsible for your death.

Menou thought that if he found the woman responsible, you would finally leave him alone. So, he hunted her down. He covered her mouth and tore her to pieces, limb by limb, devoid of expression. But that was still not enough. You continued to mock him.

Team P tried to get him to sleep or visit a doctor and suggested anything and everything that could possibly help him, but Menou ignored them all.

Progressively, the image of your limp body was engraved in his vision. No matter where he looked, he saw you. Unable to take it, he dug his nails around his eyes and didn't stop until he clawed his eyes out. The entire time, he laughed, thinking he was mocking you now because he would no longer be able to see you.

His vision grew darker and darker. It eventually turned pitch black, and that was the last memory Menou's mind retrained before it, too, gave into the permanent darkness.

Heath dropped to his knees, with a look of horror and despair on his face, and cradled your head in his arms. He tried to wipe the blood away from the bullet wound. But why didn't the blood stop?

In a desperate attempt, he collected your blood in his palm and tried to pour it back into your wound. Why was your body getting cold?

"(Y/n), stop acting. It's not funny. Wake up. Wake...up. WAKE UP!"

Those were the last words Heath ever said as the trauma of losing you attacked his voice. He couldn't speak or rap. Even his uncontrollable sobs were muted.

His team members were breaking down with him. Mizuki would scream at him to snap out of it. Rico and Kongou couldn't bear to see Heath's state and developed trauma of their own. Hinata didn't show it but was severely disturbed by everything. Ran hunted down the fangirl and threw her lifeless body in front of Heath, hoping it would help the rapper recover, but the rapper stared at the body expressionless.

All he did was stare into space, not reacting to anything or anyone unless someone said your name.

One day, Heath saw you. His dull eyes sparkled, and his lips curled into a smile. He called out your name and followed you through the hallways, up the stairs, and to the rooftop.

The cast members heard screams outside the restaurant and ran out to see what was happening. And there was Heath in a pool of his own blood, his limbs sprawled in unnatural positions. But there was a smile on pale, cracked lips. He was finally with you.

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➣ BlackStar Theater Starless Masterlists [1][2][3][4]

➣ Main Masterlist

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