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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 10 months ago

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a brief retrospective on Louis and Violet as love interests, Clementine's bisexuality, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this

In December of 2019, I made a series of posts called "An Explanation of Why Louis and Violet are Both Excellent Love Interests" that explored my feelings on the topic after seeing a lot of fighting in the fandom over who's better; who is the "right" choice for Clementine?

The answer is simple: there isn't an objectively correct choice.

I compared Louis and Violet to the romantic options in other games, including Life is Strange, Persona 4, King's Quest 2015, and Catherine, as well as TWDG: A New Frontier. I wanted to show how much better TFS handled the romance versus those games, why we should be grateful for what we got since it could've been a lot worse, and how the fighting over who's "right" was a waste of time.

I suppose it's only fitting that I'd be driven to revisit this topic after seeing fans continue to argue amongst themselves over this years later in the trenches of a weakening fandom.

Just when I think I'm done writing pieces for TWDG, some random redditor writes an essay about how violentine only exists for "woke points" that grabs me by the throat and throws me down. Then another will insist that clouis is abusive since Louis voted against them in ep2 in their own essay and I'm dragged back here, kicking and screaming.

While I think my previous Excellent Love Interests posts about this are on the juvenile side, I do still agree with my main point: Louis and Violet are excellent characters who make for compelling love interests. The fact that we got them both, that we were given the choice, and that they're as well done as they are, is something I don't think we appreciate enough. Hell, I don't think we even appreciate that Clementine's a canonically bisexual protagonist as much as we should.

We're too busy trying to one up each other with, "Well, actually, clouis is superior because of this and this," and "no, you're wrong, violentine is actually better because of this and this," and sometimes a wild non-shipper will appear out of nowhere to slap down an, "actually, you both suck, singletine is better."

It's sad that this is what fandom inevitably defaults to, always. It stops being about the game we love, the thing that brought us here, and it becomes a pissing match.

Doesn't matter what fandom it is; we end up projecting too much of ourselves onto fictional characters, investing too much of our time into ship culture, hyper-fixating until it becomes part of us... and let's be real, sometimes it's in unhealthy ways.

So, when someone else attacks the things we're attached to, it becomes a personal attack... and when we feel threatened, we become defensive and retaliate... and sometimes, we take it too far and target others out of insecurity, to feel validated, even if it means going after someone who is just minding their own business.

Also, I think some people are just assholes who want to piss on everyone.

Because of this, I would like to discuss Louis and Violet as romanceable characters, why they're both important to TFS no matter who you choose, why Clementine being a bisexual protagonist matters, and the fandom's continued insistence on fighting over this.

For many personal reasons, I've always been trepid about being open with my sexuality as a bi woman. I've done a lot of reflection this year on why that is; internalized misogyny, the biphobia that lingers in the queer community, insecurities, regrets, how I tend to be harsher on female characters over male characters, why it took me so long to not feel afraid of engaging with queer media, admitting I was wrong about so many things I've said in the past, how it's all affected my writing, etc.

When TFS released and I made this blog, I had already accepted my bisexuality but was in no way public about it, not online or in my personal life. But playing the first two episode of TFS, being presented with both Louis and Violet as potential romantic partners struck something inside of me.

Yes, I picked Louis; we all know I'm a major clouis shipper at this point, and if you're new here, then now you know, too.

But it's the fact that Violet's also an option, that with just a few different button presses, Clementine could've fallen for her just as she did with Louis; that there's evidence in game that she shows interested in both of them no matter your choices; that no one in-game judges Clementine for who she chooses to be with... that meant something to me in a way that it hadn't before.

TFS wasn't the first game I played with a bi protagonist; in Excellent Love Interests, I compared Louis and Violet to Life is Strange's Chloe and Warren. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the first LiS game overall, but I've been quite open about my dislike of Chloe and indifference to Warren.

Chloe, to me, is everything I dislike in a love interest, predominately in wlw. 2023 was the year of "CJ dives into sapphic literature and it's a 50/50 chance of striking gold or gettin' hella eaten by disappointment, shaka brah." Meaning I've read a lot of wlw novels, and all the ones I hated featured a Chloe clone, sometimes done even worse.

And Warren? I'll be real honest with you- I couldn't even remember what his name was when I started writing this. I had to go back and check. That tells you what I think of him, no?

So, LiS didn't strike me the same way. Sure, I knew Max was a bi protagonist and that's great, but the choices weren't appealing to me. This was when I was a teenager still somewhat in denial of my sexuality, which most definitely contributed to me being uncomfortable when faced with a wlw relationship portrayed in-game, especially when I found myself wishing Kate was an option for Max... but y'know, "shhhhhhh if I don't acknowledge it, it doesn't exist."

When the first episode of TFS released, I was older, I was no longer in a not-so-great relationship, and had better accepted who I am. The first episode does a great job of introducing you to Louis and Violet, and giving you the opportunity to spend more time with the one you're interested in.

I actually really liked them both when ep1 dropped, but I've always had a preference for a character who is kind, deflects with humor, and tends to be picked on by the rest of the cast... so it was inevitable that I'd stick with Louis. Though I won't discredit Violet in ep1, or the rest of the game, just because I didn't choose her in the end.

That's one of the best things about Louis and Violet as options; they're opposites, yet alike in many ways. They have their appeals and charms. They're flawed. It never feels like a "love triangle" situation where they're fighting over Clementine. Louis and Violet are friends who have known each other from before the walkers came. It's refreshing to have two characters who are interested in the same person but don't go for each other's throats over it. When they do argue over her, it's more to do with AJ shooting Marlon and whether it's safe for the group to let them stay.

I can't fault anyone who struggled to pick between them. When someone talks about who they picked and why, it's all about the player's preferences.

It's your choice to make, and no matter what, you're not wrong for it.

This season concludes Clementine's story, regardless of what some comics will say. It's the last fight. It's her happy ending. She and AJ finally found a home, a family.

I've played these games since S1 came out in 2012, over ten years ago. Clementine holds a special place in my heart. Not only did this important character have a great final season [despite Telltale shutting down and TFS nearly being left incomplete, remember] but she's also revealed to be canonically bisexual.

They didn't release the whole season and then as an afterthought be like, "oh yeah btw she's bi, she has oneline of flirty dialogue with this character so see? we did good rep."

Yeah, I'm side eyeing you, ANF.

They didn't try to hide it. They presented it to the player unapologetically and made a conscious decision to exclude anything biphobic from other characters... which meant a lot to me.

Biphobia is real and it's not that I don't want it explored well in media, but there's something appealing and safe about a game with a bisexual main character who isn't questioned about it negatively; "You're bi? Doesn't that mean you cheat on all your partners?"

To give a compliment to Life is Strange: True Colors, I had a similar feeling in that game, too. Alex is openly bi, she can date either Steph or Ryan and no one questions the "legitimacy" of her bisexuality.

Because that's always a thing on top of everything else, y'know? "You're a bad bi unless you're with the 'gayer option.'" "Bisexuality isn't real, you're just confused." "I don't date girls who've been tainted by a man." "Oh, you're into girls? How about a threesome?"

Violet never turns her nose up at Clementine for admitting she had a crush on Gabe. Louis isn't ever gross about Clementine and Violet getting close. It speaks volumes for their characters and how accepting they, and everyone else at Ericson, are of Clementine no matter who she chooses, if anyone.

That acceptance, even if it's just in a game, means more than words can express to queer players who don't feel that acceptance in their daily lives.

Which means it hurts all the more when it comes to the fandom's own display of biphobia; "You're bi but ship clouis? Why ship something hetero when violentine is right there?" "Well, MY Clementine's straight because she picked Louis! Stop forcing the gay onto MY Clementine!"

Clementine's important to all of us. Why do you think so many people are pissed about the comics to the point of spewing disgusting bile toward Tillie Walden? I've said my piece on that plenty times before, so allow me to say it on this; the representation of bisexuality in Clementine is beautifully woven through TFS in ways that are subtle yet impactful, and I thank TFS for giving that to us.

One argument I've come across recently against Clementine's bisexuality, and violentine in general: "blegh they only included violentine/made Clem bi for lgbt points." y'know... as if that's a bad thing.

It bothers me because A. saying "I'm not homophobic *but*-" and then making a homophobic argument against violentine while insisting that Clementine's bisexuality came out of nowhere and was forced is icky, and B. I know I've said similar things about violentine in the past. I know I used to argue that violentine's underdeveloped, yet the devs pushed it to the forefront over clouis to pat themselves on the back for doing representation, etc.

I don't believe that anymore; remember when I brought up people making arguments out of insecurity? Yeah, that and being lowkey bitter that violentine got more dev attention than clouis sometimes even though like... that doesn't matter? It literally doesn't matter. That's what I meant when I said you get so invested that certain things feel like a personal attack when they're not.

Some of the developers of TFS are queer people. They probably wanted a bi protagonist with a wlw option because that representation is important to them and they had the opportunity to express it, not because they were trying to get "points" with anyone. Go listen to the commentaries for TFS; they talk about violentine with nothing but positivity, and they didn't do that to shade Louis or clouis shippers. And if you do think they did it shade fans, then maybe stop and consider why; do you actually believe that or are you annoyed that your fave wasn't the center of attention?

On the flip side, I also want to say that gloating and insisting that violentine is the better/right choice because of these things is also unpleasant and untrue. It sucks when it feels like things are biased against you and it sucks even more when that bias is weaponized by other fans to beat you down.

But honestly? If you need this much validation on your opinions about fictional characters, maybe you should stop to think about why that is and what it says about you, yeah?

Truly, this whole clouis versus violentine thing is irritating at best, vile at worse. Thankfully it doesn't happen as much on tumblr given the state of the fandom, and everyone's at least agreed that no matter their feelings toward each other, clemricca is worse. So, that's something, I guess.

I think the best way I can put this is you don't get to dictate what other people think and feel. Being passionate is great until it becomes an excuse to be an asshole. Not everyone is going to agree with you and you need to put your big kid pants on and accept that.

I'm under no impression that the fighting will ever stop, even when this fandom is dried up with only bones and memories haunting its desert... but at the very least, I can point some of it out and ask that we do better than this.

The focus gets lost in the fighting, and that focus is Louis and Violet themselves. Y'know, the two this retrospective's about.

Remember when I talked about Persona 4 in Excellent Love Interests and how much it sucks when the person you want to romance isn't actually an option--?

Hmm? What's that? Ah, yes, right- @pi-creates insists I add that TFS and Persona 4 actually are the same because Aasim wasn't an option and they're still bitter about that... but this isn't about Aasim, that's a topic for another day. Sorry Pi, but thanks for the screenshots used in this retrospective👍

Anyway, TFS gave us two excellent choices, and it would've been worse off had it only given us one of them, or none at all.

Louis wears charisma as a mask and uses humor as a shield to deflect. Violet, for as quiet and standoffish as she first appears, has a heart she's both eager and reluctant to share.

Louis is warm curtains of sunlight seeping through the murmuring woods of green leaves and little song birds. A heart carved into the rustic wood of an out-of-tune piano. Music echoing in the early morning hallways.

Violet is the glow of a full moon that illuminates still waters so the stars can dance in its reflection. Paint smeared over finger tips to offer a piece of herself meant to be worn. Constellations of stars named in secret.

They're both lonely people, often misunderstood by the others at Ericson, and sometimes by each other. They want to be known. They want to be seen.

But fear is a powerful wall to overcome.

And that's the beauty of choice. You get the impression of knowing them in the beginning, but it rarely breaks surface tension; Louis is nice and funny but undependable, Violet's rude and reserved and a little awkward. Neither are outspoken about any issues around Ericson, content to keep their heads down.

Clementine has to make the effort to know them, and the game establishes this by asking you an unassuming question: do you want to go hunting with Louis or fishing with Violet?

Clementine either makes an effort to understand Violet's feelings toward Brody and why she's so mean to her, and try to help her through it... or she doesn't listen to what Violet's saying, is dismissive, and ends up making things worse.

When Clementine goes hunting with Louis, she has to make the decision to spend time with him or ignore him in favor of hunting, and should she choose him, he opens up to her just a bit.

Then comes the confrontation with Marlon at the end of the episode where Clementine has to make the choice of who to appeal to. The gravity of this choice is often glossed over, I think.

Marlon has a gun pointed at her head, and she pleas for Louis or Violet to step in and save her. Both are hesitant because of course they are! They've known Marlon longer, he has a gun, and he's using manipulation to scare them into submission; he uses his friendship against Louis, and Minerva against Violet.

But when Clementine gets through to them? They stand between her and Marlon in rather in-character ways; Louis eases in with his hands up, attempting to deescalate the situation while Violet pulls out a weapon and demands he back off.

They risked getting shot. They risked death. They knew what was happening was wrong. They didn't want Clementine to die, they didn't fully believe Marlon's bullshit but were too scared to step forward until Clementine asked them, too. In that moment she basically told them, "I trust you. Instinct tells me you are the one who can stop this. My life is in your hands."

This choice changes them, and this moment ripples through the rest of the season. It makes perfect sense that Louis would be upset over Marlon's death and feel unsafe with Clementine and AJ there whereas Violet sees the death as justified and Clementine and AJ shouldn't be kicked out over it. It's an overwhelming situation for everyone.

I've talked about ep2 and the vote until my lungs nearly collapsed and I saw the gates of Hell over the horizon... but that's fine, I can talk a little more about it and maybe this time the flames with cleanse me of my sins or something.

This is where the fighting really began, and I shouldn't have to say it again, but I will anyway: There isn't an objectively correct answer here, there's only personal preference.

Louis and Violet take very clear, opposite stances on this situation. I think they're both a little wrong and a little right; they shouldn't ignore that AJ killed Marlon, but kicking them out isn't the best solution either.

As a clouis shipper, I happen to like the way these events play out with Louis' vote. But not everyone feels that way. For some, Louis' vote is a deal breaker, making Violet the more appealing option given she voted for Clementine and AJ to stay.

Do you want a girl that's been by Clementine's side from the beginning and was vocal about keeping her and AJ here?

Great, Violet's the choice for you. Enjoy the lovely moonlight and constellation mini-game.

Do you want the extra angst of a boy who made a vote he comes to regret and then does everything he can to apologize and make it up to Clementine?

Wonderful, here's Louis. He'll play you a song he wrote and then name it after Clementine, it's very cute.

While on the topic of ep2, I also want to discuss the episode's final choice of saving either Louis or Violet and the consequences.

You know how in other games, say like massive RPG's with "good" and "evil" choices you can make that end up defining your character? You know how sometimes people question why developers even bothered putting those evil routes in since a majority of people will choose to be good? This isn't a new topic of discussion, but it's relevant to my point- they do it because the option to be evil makes the choice to be good more impactful. If you do choose to be evil, you did it knowing you could've been good and yet you decided chaos was the way to go, and now everyone and everything around your character suffers.

I don't think it only applies to binary "good" versus "evil" choices, either.

TWDG is great with its "You can only save one of them" choices, even if they usually fumble with the consequences in later episodes.

When I'm faced with this choice to save either Louis or Violet, I don't save Louis just because I like him more. Sure, initially that's why I saved him on my first run... but then the rest of the season came out and I learned the consequences of the choices I did and didn't make.

Knowing that he'll get his tongue cut out if I don't save him makes me all the more anxious to choose him. And I know violentine shippers are gutted knowing that if they don't save her, she'll feel so betrayed that she turns on Clementine and in the end is blinded in the boat explosion, so they're just as eager to save her.

But all of us have to live with the consequences of what happens to the one we didn't save, too. We made the decision to save the one we love at the cost of hurting the other we didn't love enough. You can't save them both. You're forced to hurt one of them in order to protect the other.

And it doesn't even stop there. TFS isn't done twisting the knife.

Mere moments before you have to make the choice to save one of them, Lilly's standing over Clementine with her finger on the trigger... only to then be tackled by the person you didn't choose to spend time with.

They just saved Clementine's life only to be dragged away by their neck, and the game asks you what that's worth: They got captured saving you, so do you save them in return or do you remain loyal to the one you chose before?

And when you know the consequences of both routes, when you know Louis will have his tongue cut out and Violet will have her eyes burned?

Louis and Violet are good people at their cores who only wanted to be understood and loved, and no matter what, you have to abandon one of them for the other... and they are left physically and mentally traumatized because of it.

But wait, there's more. The one you didn't save will always survive to the end and act as a constant reminder of what you chose... but the one you saved? If you don't trust AJ, then you'll be forced to watch them get torn apart and eaten alive by a herd of walkers. The only way to save them is to trust AJ so that he shoots Tenn.

A child has to die in order for you to save the one you love again, a choice you indirectly made.

The ending shows you the one you didn't save, and it shows you Tenn's grave... and it presents a quiet question: was it worth it?

Would you make those choices again?

That's the power Louis and Violet bring to TFS.

That's why the choice matters.

We justify trusting AJ because we'd rather see Louis and Violet live over Tenn, knowing we're taking away the best friend AJ's ever had and allowing Minerva to get her way. We save Louis knowing that it breaks something inside of Violet and results in her permanently losing most of her eyesight. We save Violet knowing that we'll find Louis bloody and sobbing in the cell after having his tongue cut out of his mouth.

And we argue about it amongst ourselves even though it's all fucked. There isn't a true happy ending here, not for everyone.

Louis and Violet stand on their own as great characters, but you only get the true depth depending on how you play. They're excellent love interests because they care for Clementine. Through their relationship with her, they grow as people and find the acceptance and love they're starved for.

It's not perfect, but it honestly doesn't need to be. There was care woven into these characters. Both routes have a wide appeal. That means something to so many people.

I know we as fans often will say we wanted more, we wanted this and that, we wish this was different. It's not a dating sim where the main objective is to woo them. It's not a massive RPG with hundreds of hours to explore every nook and cranny of their characters. This is a Telltale game. It's a narrative with Clementine and AJ at the forefront, and it's up to you whether you want Louis or Violet to share that spotlight.

It's a story about Clementine finding a home, about molding what kind of survivor AJ comes. It's about Clementine meeting two broken people with glass shards at their feet, about her glass mixing with theirs. It's a game about choice; which glass pieces do you pick up, and which do you step on?

We should take more time to appreciate Louis and Violet. We should share our appreciation for the development team for giving us a bisexual lead with two great love interests, especially since we almost didn't get TFS in its entirety; we can hate Skybound as much as we want for the Clementine comics, but without them, this team wouldn't have been able to finish the game they were clearly passionate about.

We should have more self-awareness and try to understand why we like and dislike things without targeting others.

In conclusion?

I think they're both neat 👍

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg louis #twdg violet #twdg clouis #twdg violentine #clouis #violentine #long post #i didn't plan on writing this for new years but here we are #might as well end 2023 with some clouis and violentine talk mixed in with some self-reflection and shade toward reddit #i have many thoughts so thanks for reading them

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bradshawsbaby · 10 months ago

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For a whole number of reasons, it’s been really hard for me to write this last half of 2023. I was either struggling with writer’s block or simply had no motivation to put any ideas down in words. I’ve felt both guilty and sad over it, and have thought about giving up writing altogether on countless occasions.

I’m hoping that in 2024, I’ll get that spark and that joy back. Because I do love sharing stories and I want to be able to continue to do so.

In the meantime, I want to say thank you to those of you who continue to take the time out of your busy days to comment on my work, to share it with others, and to help me see my own writing in new ways. You’re the reason I keep choosing to write and share my stories here ♥️

#just feeling a little reflective with 2023 coming to an end #writing stuff

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hidey-writes · 2 months ago

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wip wednesday

In the drifting silence of his empty apartment, Shen Wei presses the door shut, turns the lock. And then, like his body was waiting until he was alone, his legs give out. Shen Wei tips/topples against/into the wall, sinks down to sitting on the front mat/in the entryway. He sits there for a long time, curled into himself with his arms around his knees. The whole time, his body braced for the sound of Zhao Yunlan’s door opening, the sound of footsteps crossing the hall. Waiting, again, for Kunlun to return to him. But no sound comes from outside his door. At last, Shen Wei tips his head back against the wall, lets out a soft, streaming sigh. The sound trembles in the still air. It’s the closest he’s come to crying in years, that he can remember.

from the up draft of the answer fic. im cutting it veryyyyyy close to the deadline this time ahahaha (nervous!) but the writing is going relatively smoothly (knocks on wood) and i think it'll turn out pretty delicious!!

#weilan #shen wei #guardian #my fic #guardian bonus bingo 2024 prompt 5 #wip wednesday #three days ................................. *cries a little bit*#its ok shockingly this feels ... doable. i also did structure this fic to be VERY striaghtforward for me:#sw pov / not much worldbuilding or plot / lots of flashback + canon constraints / no new characters / canon weilan #which IS a skill i wanted specifically to work on through guardian bingo this year so i'm quite happy with this!#i was thinking about this yesterday and in december 2023 it took me about a month to write 'the beginning of devotion' (roughly 3.8k)#and now it will be taking me about a week and a half to write this guy (roughly 3.2k)#without having to sacrifice process very much! i'm starting to learn where i can cut corners which is hehe. awesome #achieved at the expense of. much shrieking and interruption of various necessary rhythms of life haha. but. kind of cool to me #i might do a reflection post about how i think my process has changed this year bc it's definitely different (at least a little) than dec'2 #it feels like. yknow. like i've figured out how to do the basic steps and now i'm adding flourishes and stuff #ok enough rambling lol if u've read this far i salute you

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mindofserenity · 2 years ago

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20:55 — An evening with roses, thoughts and empty pages. We seek and admire what we think resonates with our story. Only to find a garden that resonates with our soul.

#mindofserenity #my beloved #my evening #🌹#inlove with fresh bouquets #writing #reflections #mine #24/04/2023 #writer #journal #rose #academia aesthetic

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flaticeball · 1 year ago

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the idea of a Gayest Player In The NHL bracket at all is already in poor taste to some degree bc i get everyone loves to make the “they’re so gay for each other fr” jokes but the condition of the actual league and its actions right now is like. you do understand why calling these people Gay Icons (Positive) for funny haha jokes is just. at best inappropriate timing, yes? but the idea of literally including one of the guys who got pride nights cancelled with his homophobia is just. can we take a minute to realize that hockey fandom doesn’t take place in a void completely unconnected to reality and see that this is just. a Really Bad Look. at best.

#gav gab #saw someone reblog the actual bracket intro post with among other things #‘mom come pick me up they’re calling tseguin a gay icon in 2023’ and like #LMFAO. YEAH. FOR REAL. YOUVE SEEN WHAT HE SAID ABOUT THE SEDINS YES?#anyways get outta here with that shit #people have gotten real confident with the ‘they’re about to fuck at centre ice’ thing and saying hockey is a Super Gay Sport #which is a fun joke to make with your friends online ig #as annoying as i find it generally #but you do understand this isn’t real yes #and i know the bracket is not making claims about reality #but what it IS doing is including players like eric fucking staal #in a bracket for Gayest NHL Player #and the real life actions of staal actively make the sport unsafe for queer athletes and queer fans #stop mistaking jokes about hockey players fucking each other or writing rpf about that as any kind of activism #or any kind of actual reflection of the nhl #how do you think this is an appropriate thing to do for so many reasons lmao how are you including some of these guys on this #even before you get into some of the other insane behaviour going on in this bracket existing #‘I didn’t pick the contestants!’ you did you. you’re in charge.#‘just hope they get voted out’ don’t include them at all what’s wrong with you #why do bracket creators always act like it’s some kind of mandatory moral imperative they include every single thing nominated/voted in #you have agency here lmao. use it. fucking spineless.#rpf for ts #adjacent enough anyway #homophobia cw #why would you do this #lmfao the brief scroll of that blog i took the amount of ‘propaganda’ that’s just ‘this guy has friends’#wild. genuinely wild.#one request id like to make to the liveblogs this year too on a vaguely tangentially related note is #reign in your blatant and unrepentant amatonormativity please #from your local aro

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superduperizee · 2 years ago

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gruvia week 2023 day one - reflection

~colors~

For an aspiring artist like him, it was hard for Gray to work on a piece without seeing any color.

He wanted to see colors too, but he wasn’t fortunate enough to have met his soulmate unlike his friends. Thankfully, his friends were still supportive of his chosen field, and were proud of his works.

For his future works, he wanted to use colors. And he’s going to find a way to use them, with or without someone’s help. With or without a soulmate.

“What are the colors of these leaves?” He asked his friend, Erza, when they were out hiking for the weekend, together with the others. Erza saw colors since she was little. His friend was lucky enough to be friends with her soulmate since childhood.

Erza touched the leaves on the ground. “It’s autumn now, so the colors of these leaves range from deep orange to light yellow.”

Gray nodded in understanding, and jotted down the colors in his journal. He planned on purchasing some new materials for his next art project. His desire to use colors was greater than ever.

“I’ll stay here for a while, you can go with the others, I’ll just catch up. Needed to do some rough sketches.”

“You can take a photo of the scenery and use that as a reference, Gray.”

“It has a different feel when I do it real-time.” He countered.

Erza hesitated for a moment but decided she should let her friend do his thing. “Okay, but catch up with us as soon as you finish!”

“Yeah, yeah…” Gray sat down and leaned his back on a tree trunk and sketched away.

But with Gray, working on a sketch meant that he wasn’t aware of the time. When he looked at his watch after finishing, he got surprised that it was already afternoon. He needed to catch up with his friends before it got dark..

He got up and walked briskly, moving forward to the direction where he last saw his friends. This proved to be difficult when the trail lead to two different pathways. “Damn it,” He whispered to himself as he took out his phone from his pocket. No service.

Today was his unlucky day.

Gray was reaching for his compass in his bag when he saw the movement near the stream. For a moment, he panicked, but tried to calm himself down. Worrying was not best in this situation. He inched closer to the body of water and checked out if there would be movement again.

The ripples of the stream intrigued him. He thought something was trying to call him to look into the body of water. Scared, Gray backed out for a moment, before feeling the gentle breeze of the wind. The soft gust whispered that it was safe to come near the stream. Like it was promising only good things to happen.

And so, Gray slowly looked into the body of water, so clear that he saw a reflection.

Only, the reflection he saw was not his.

Gray shouted, surprised with what he saw. A woman. In the water. Smiling at him.

In color.

He didn't expect to meet his soulmate today. And he didn’t expect to meet his soulmate this way.

Was it even possible that his soulmate is a non-human? A sprite?

A water fairy?

He tried to calm his loudly beating heart, taking note that he was being judgmental with this woman. Maybe she was taking breathing lessons underwater. Or just taking a dip in the stream since the weather was humid today. There were hundreds of possibilities.

But Gray knew deep down that the woman was one of the nature spirits in the forest.

Taking deep breaths, he crawled to where he saw her, and looked at the reflection again.

And there she was, smiling at him from the water, her beautiful hair sprawled to frame her sweet face.

Gray wondered what color it was.

Her beauty was other-worldy.

She placed her palms on the surface of the water below. It was as if the water was something that encased her and trapped her there for so long.

He reached for her too. He wanted to ask so many questions. But when their hands touched, Gray heard the shouts of his friends, looking for him.

The cool feeling of her palm was gone the moment he turned to her again, and so was she.

“Gray! What the hell? You told me you were gonna catch up? We were panicking when you didn’t join us!”

“Sorry, sorry!” He patted his jeans as he got up and looked at his friend, taking fancy at the color of her hair.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Your hair looks disheveled.” He tried to conceal that he could see colors now. But it came with different consequences.

This earned him a smack to his head.

“Haha! You deserve that, punk!” Shouted his friend, Natsu, who looked even more ridiculous once he saw his hair color.

“You look more like a moron with that kind of hair.” He walked past him and joined the others.

“You wanna go here, punk?!”

“Shut up, Natsu, do not disturb the peaceful nature around us.”

Natsu got restrained by his friends so that a fight would not break out.

~0~

He learned, as soon as he bought paint for his next project, that the color he saw was a specific type of blue. He also learned that it was rare to find the color in nature.

Gray mixed his paint to create the type of blue he saw on her. After a course of months, he could not forget about her. Her sweet smile, her bright eyes, her cool hands– they were all engraved in his mind.

He memorized her whole existence in his head that he created a painting of her. Gray knew his friends who saw colors were a little puzzled with how he did the colors on his painting. Months ago, he was asking for help with them to create his projects.

There were two main questions swirling in their minds. Is the lady in his portrait his soulmate? When did they meet?

To this, Gray remained silent and kept creating. The piece he was currently working on was a tribute to her. He could finally see colors, and could finally create his art in a different way than he used to. This painting was a small token of gratitude for her.

And he wondered what her name was. Do fairies have names? He wanted to name his painting after her.

And he wanted her to see his creation some day.

Hopefully it might be sooner than later.

~0~

“Gray?”

“Hm?”

“I’d like to buy your painting. You know, the one with the blue-hair–”

“Not for sale.”

“Please?”

“Sorry,” Gray dipped his bread in the hot chocolate drink he had bought from Cana’s cafe. “Not for sale.”

Can slouched behind the counter of the cafe. “I was thinking of having a make-over for the cafe, and I think it’s the perfect piece.”

“You could commission me one if you’d like.”

“But that painting is magical, Gray! It has a magical feel.” Cana paused and straightened her posture. “It pulls you to look at it and admire it and it feels like good things are gonna happen when you stare at the painting.”

Over the months, after exhibiting the painting in different places, Gray got offered a lot of money for it. Some would say he’s dumb for not taking the offers because it was big money, but he couldn’t let go of it. It’s like his charm in his life. And if it felt like that for the others too, then he couldn’t blame them.

Plus the subject of the painting is his soulmate, so it was hard to let go of it.

“Then, could I at least rent it for the reopening day? You never know, the woman might stumble upon this cafe and see that painting of hers.” Cana had a mischievous tone when she declared that.

“Haha.” Gray answered, sarcasm enveloping his voice. He took a deep breath. Cana was right. He wanted at least a small chance of her seeing this painting, and she would not see it if it’s just in the safety of his house.

“Okay,” He slapped the table lightly and looked at his friend. “You can rent it for the first week of the reopening day.”

Cana smiled. “Let’s talk about the prices later.”

~0~

The reopening of Cana’s cafe proved to be a success. The drinks, the food, the atmosphere, together with Gray's painting made the place cozy. Gray received many compliments for his work and he even scored potential clients.

He sat in the corner, chilling as the hours went by. Gray watched people coming and going with satisfied smiles on their faces. Killing the time, he pulled out his sketchbook out of his bag and decided to draw the scenery in front of him. Focused on his work, he nearly missed the bell of the door when someone went in before the shop closed.

“Can Juvia have a cup of hot chocolate with one vanilla sponge cake please?” She asked the worker behind the counter. When she went to find a space to sit down, Gray caught a glimpse of her. He did a double take as she stared at the painting in the middle of the cafe. That blue hair... no doubt it was her.

She stared at it, admiring the work of art. Smiling, she felt her heart beat faster as she sensed someone standing beside her.

“Hello!”

“Hey,” Gray felt like a fool talking to the woman beside her. For months, he kept thinking about her, but now that his muse was here, he didn’t know what to say. “Do you remember me? In the woods, the stream?

A nod from her was all it took to boost Gray’s confidence in talking. She was really that person. “Do you see the colors now, too?”

“Well, Juvia being one from nature, she could see colors all her life. She heard it’s different for humans. Do you see colors now?"

And she… Juvia… really was his soulmate.

And he didn’t care if she was human or not.

She reached for his hand and the painting moved like a scene from a movie. It surprised Gray that he was there in the painting, hand-in-hand with her. Smiling to each other, as nature bears witness to their union.

“If you like it, that may be our future. Would that be okay with you?” Her voice, laced with the sweetness of honey and the promise of forever appealed to Gray so much. He was willing to be one with her, right then and there.

“Although I heard humans have this thing called dating before getting married.” The sound of her giggles were like the anthem of his future life.

“What’s your name? I heard earlier, but I want you to introduce yourself to me.” For a moment, Gray thought that sounded ridiculous. She's not from here, so he wanted to start this with an introduction.

She giggled and interlaced their palms together to shake his hands. “I’m Juvia. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Gray mirrored her expression, like the reflection they had of each other in the woods. “I’m Gray Fullbuster. Thank you for bringing colors to my life.”

“So, what do you call this painting, Gray-sama? It’s really wonderful.”

And true to his word that he dedicated this to her, Gray responded with all the pride in him. “It’s called, Juvia, The Water Maiden.”

She giggled again, and blushed with the dedication. “Is this for sale? I would like to buy it.”

A small grin graced Gray’s feature. “You own that painting the moment I made it.”

#gruvia #gruvia week #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser #gruvia week 2023 #day one: reflection #i'm soooooooooo late i'm so sorry #eli writes

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silentreigns · 2 years ago

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And another thing: I watched replays (I'm not posting it because who wants to see Logan or a crash) but Sargeant literally rammed his car into the back of de Vries and it wasn't even investigated? But Carlos got a 5 second penalty over a racing incident that he couldn't even control much over? The said that Pierre and Estaban's collision was a racing incident and no further action would be taken.

So to reiterate: why the FUCK is Carlos the only person to get a penalty when a mf literally drove straight into somebody? How did it get overlooked? Why is Ferrari's luck so bad? Like even Fernando said the penalty was too harsh and he was the one involved!

#formula 1 #f1 #if i was carlos id be FUMING #i need to write a reflection because there is so much to unpack #australian gp 2023 #carlos sainz #fernando alonso #logan sargeant #nyck de vries

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beardyboyzx · 10 months ago

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2023 writing self evaluation

I was tagged by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, thank you!! <3

1. List of works published this year:

May in my head we can love forever | Explicit | 1.2K, Girl Direction, Harry/Louis -- written for @wankersday

waving to the hard times | NR | 80k, A/B/O, Dystopian AU, Harry/Louis, Liam/Zayn -- written for @onedirectionbigbang [first part of a two piece series]

August I ain't ever fell from a love this tall | G | 733, Liam/Zayn -- written for @wordplayfics

September It's a rush inside I can't control | G | 764, Werewolf AU, Louis-centric -- written for @wordplayfics

you are the magic in me | NR | 2.8k, Magic AU, loosely inspired by BBC Merlin, Liam/Zayn -- written for @wordplayfics

so pretend (pretend) | NR | 1.9k, loosely inspired by White Collar and Catch me if you can, Harry/Louis -- written for @wordplayfics

November to wake up by your side is all I wanna do | G | 1k, AU, Niall/Zayn -- written for @theshowficfest

In 2023: I've published 7 works and a total of 89,283 words!

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

My Big Bang! I love that story so much, I'm still a bit sad I had to break it in half, but I'm still so proud of how it turned out (@aestheticlarrie's poster is such a masterpiece, I can't help but love that story more because of it <3) I didn't think I could pull it off -- the world building, the characterization...it all looked so intimidating while I was plotting it. But I did it. And I'm happy about it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Weirdly enough, there is nothing I'm the least proud of. Not even the ones I've written in a rush because of my poor time-managing skills lol

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This bit from waving to the hard times keeps coming into my mind, every now and then:

Louis closes his eyes, taking in a few shaky breaths. He doesn’t want to cry. People will pity him if he will and he hates it. Hates being known as the orphan child, the one who was crying in his mother’s arms as they stood at his uncle’s side twenty-five years ago. He hates being remembered for it, being depicted by the newspapers as a symbol of overcoming grief. Because he’s found out that you can never overcome grief. You just live with it being a big part of yourself, letting it shape you while trying not to let the bad days get to you. Louis also hates not being able to be honest about it just because he doesn’t want to be coddled.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I can't share them, because they contain spoilers, but there are some comments on my big bang that really made me trust my (creative) writing skills a bit more! <3

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right after I finished the first part of my Big Bang. It was pretty hard for me to write, so much so that I had to drop out from a few fests because of it

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Oh, I think Niall from (once again) waving to the hard times surprised me a lot. I didn't know he would turn out to be like that! But I loved him so much.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I don't really know. I re-learnt to let my mind wander and my fingers write without overthinking. Which is something I usually do when I write in Italian and that I used to do when I first started writing in English.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I just hope to keep writing what I like and for it to keep being something I love.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hello, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed <3 She's been there for me for every writer's block, metaphorically taking my hand whenever I had to drop out of something, reminding me that taking a break was more than fine. Love you, Mia <3

@chai-hat-tea has been on my side for all the year by hearing my frustration and always cheering me up. Love you!

And @nooradeservedbetter, without whom I'd have been too afraid of publishing my dystopian au.

Last but not least, @bigxrig, @muldxr and @helznik who were my alpha/beta readers for my first two works of the year. Thank you so much, really <3

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Louis' grief and some bits of my political thoughts.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write what you like and don't forget to have fun while doing it!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I'm gonna tag @chai-hat-tea, @nooradeservedbetter and @hellolovers13!

#tag game #2023 writing self reflection

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foreveranevilregal · 1 year ago

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Encantober Day 22: Reflection

Isabela’s morning started the same as every other morning. She was awoken by the sun streaming in through her window, inviting her to get out of bed and begin her day. Letting out a dainty yawn, she rolled out of bed…and was immediately caught by a net of vines which deposited her gently atop her bed. She kept forgetting that she’d raised her bed so no one would bother her. This mishap prompted Isabela to say some very unladylike curses that she was glad no one was around to hear.

Once she was actually ready to get out of bed, she lowered the vines that held up her bed, easing them down like a system of pulleys, until the legs of her bed touched the floor. Double checking that she was firmly on solid ground, she stretched out her arms, the feeling invigorating her, and then placed her feet on the ground and rose out of bed.

The first thing she did was to check all her plants. This took a while since Isabela unwittingly made more in her sleep. Intentional or not, she wanted to make sure they were cared for and healthy. Then she would wash up and brush her hair until it fell down her back in a silky curtain. One hundred brushstrokes exactly. Brushing before bed and after waking was the secret to beautiful hair, her abuela had told her. As long as she kept brushing it morning and night, it would shine like the sun.

And Mirabel thought beauty was effortless, Isabela thought bitterly as she brushed her hair. She had no idea- no idea!- how much hard work went into looking the way she did. She grimaced, accidentally snagging the brush on a knot. Sighing, she set the brush down and untangled the knot using her fingers before resuming her brushing. Ninety-eight…ninety-nine…one hundred! Satisfied, she let out an exhale and set out on her next task: picking out what to wear for the day.

Normally, it wouldn’t matter quite as much, but despite the morning starting out the same way, today wasn’t like every other day. Today was a celebration, the wedding of a couple in town. Naturally, everyone had been invited. So, Isabela had to look extra nice. Frowning, she held a couple options in front of herself, examining them in the mirror. One dress was a deep purple, almost black in color, and otherwise unadorned. The other was a pale lilac, covered with intricate frills and ruffles that would make moving her limbs a pain. She knew what the right choice was. She knew which dress her family wanted to see her in. But, just for a minute, she let her longing and curiosity win out. Peeling off her sleep clothes, she put on the dark dress.

Oh, that was striking! It brought out the darker tones in her hair, making her look…well, beautiful wasn’t the right word. Powerful. She decided it made her look powerful. And, she realized with a twirl, she could move in it freely! The dark-colored fabric was deceptively lightweight on her body.

Summoned by her thoughts, a black dahlia popped up in her hair. More quickly followed, wrapping around her head like a crown. The effect was stunning. Isabela tilted her head from one side to the other, admiring them in the mirror. She could hardly recognize her own reflection. Looking back at her was someone strong, confident; someone who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. Maybe some smudged out eyeliner and a bloodred lipstick to go with it. Yes, that would complete the look.

She couldn’t help herself. She stared at her own reflection, entranced. Curious, she conjured more dahlias, creating a makeshift sash down her body. Perfect. She met the eyes of the girl in the mirror and smiled at her. Really smiled at her. Finally, a reflection she liked.

“Isabela!” Mirabel’s shrill voice pierced her reverie.

“What?” Isabela snapped back.

“Aren’t you done getting ready yet? What’s taking you so long?”

Isabela could hear the annoyance in her voice. “I’ll be down in a minute, Mirabel.” The moment of bliss was over. With a sigh, she started taking off her dress. The dahlias scattered around her on the floor.

“Don’t take too much longer. We’d hate to be late because señorita perfecta Isabela took forever to do her makeup.”

Isabela clenched her fists and gritted her teeth. Oh, she could just scream! Except she couldn’t, because she was Isabela, and she was graceful and beautiful and didn’t scream. And she didn’t wear dark interesting dresses or conjure up dark interesting flowers. She wore dresses that were light and feminine and made flowers that were pretty and uninspired. It made her want to throw up. “Just give me one more minute, Mirabel!”

In her haste to get off the dress, she had trampled the dahlias. Black wilted petals carpeted the floor around her feet.

Yeah, that felt about right.

Taking a deep breath, she put on the lilac dress.

#isabela madrigal #mirabel madrigal #encantober #encantober 2023 #reflection #foreveranevilregal writes #writing encanto #apparently dahlias symbolize inner strength and being graceful #i love when i accidentally find good symbolism #anyway alexa play reflection from the mulan ost

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