#28 years ago today

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS

[thesarahshay]

Happy Past Tense Week to all who observe.

[maranull]

this was released 8 months before I turned 25, and I've always played it in my birthdays since.

I can't really relate to most of the lyrics (as with most of TPR songs, despite them being one of my favourite/comfort bands) but the chorus just hits.

28 now and still kicking, much longer than expected

[ghost-proof]

[sualne]

[the-golden-ghost]

Not me surviving despite all odds <3

[soupernatural]

but she does care. she cares and her usual internal dissent feels even louder now that she’s going up against son and not fatherhusband (the role is one and the same, as far as mary is concerned. fathersamuel passed her off to husbandjohn at the altar. transferred ownership. handed him the leash and the collar and the white picket fence to keep her locked in)

thoughts on mary and filling a role

[ieropski]

one thing i really like about all the angels and desert song is that they both have these really unexpected/difficult melodies, particularly for vocal lines (I would think). i’m thinking of ‘put her jacket on’ and ‘the sword and the faith.’ like you can really hear the accidentals and weird cadences. it leaves lines unresolved, and the notes continue ringing in your ears - makes the songs haunting

[a9saga]

tbt - big bang - sober // two years ago this song brought me a lot of comfort after my grandmother died. this one was a long time coming.

[bluebellhairpin]

I'm still in awe a little bit. This is like the mental health equivalent of being told your body is cancer free. That's bonkers.

[whenweallvote]

Ten years ago, 18-year-old Michael Brown was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri.

His death immediately sparked unrest in the local community and protests soon spread to cities across the country surrounding one central message: Black Lives Matter.

Michael Brown should be turning 28 years old today. Happy heavenly birthday, king. 🕊️✊🏾

[fingertipsmp3]

I’m so fucking annoyed with myself today

[kedreeva]

What on earth is going on in the Star Trek fandom today, it's like my dash exploded

lol 28 years ago today, the Star Trek Voyager episode "Threshold" aired. The premise of the episode was that humans cannot travel at or faster than warp 10, because if they do, they would be traveling at "infinite velocity" and would exist in all points of space time simultaneously. Tom Paris found a way to travel at this speed, and doing so accidentally hyper-evolved him and his captain (Janeway) into giant salamanders, whereupon they immediately reproduced and created 3 baby salamanders. They were then turned back into normal humans, and forced to leave their salamander babies on the planet they had escaped to.

The episode was long held as the worst star trek episode. Not just the worst Star Trek Voyager episode, but the worst episode, period, because it was extremely weird and people turning into salamanders greatly annoyed a lot of people who don't know what fun is. Tumblr, having discovered this episode like excavating an exciting fossil, has taken a shine to this episode and many people now produce art and memes and eat pepperoni pizza in celebration of its air date, mostly to annoy the episode's creator, as in a very Arthur Conan Doyle way, he hates this episode and wants it de-canonized.

Anyway, happy Threshold Day!

[haus-der-mysterionmusen]

"So today is the anniversary of the first time I met Baka Shinji huh? Well if he's forgotten this date I'll make him pay for it severely (she means making him pay for dinner) and if he hasn't I have a certain reword in mind for him~"

"I might be bad with remembering some things, but it's not like I'm going to forget the day we met. I remember you on the aircraft carrier but I also remember the angel attack..."

[sp00kysk3lly]

My 26th birthday so far and the presents I got.