i’m going to be starting a job soon where it looks like almost all of my coworkers/bosses are going to be cis women and i am…terrified. especially since this is the job i’m going to have to get time off from for top surgery.
if there’s one thing i’ve learned over the almost ten years of my transition, it’s that a situation where i’m the only guy there is one where my gender is guaranteed to not be respected. it really feels like far too many cis women realize they’re alone with a trans man and just see it as an opportunity to act out some sort of power fantasy where they get to stick it to the big bad evil men by taking out their anger on the first man they see without the power to fight back. that or they decide you’re “just one of the girls” and will not hear otherwise, but honestly, given where i’m at in my physical transition, i have a feeling the former is more likely.
there was a time when i felt safer around cis women than around cis men, but now it’s just a different kind of threat.
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did i ever get around to mentioning that my least favourite era of tf cartoons (2010-2017, all technically in the same 'continuity' even though. their obviously not actually. and also. that real bad comics lore) there is so much messaging around the idea that like "you need to stick up for yourself" but it will always be completely encounter to the way everyone acts, the meanness of the humour used, and that like... you have to stick up for yourself! against your direct superiors! no they are NOT beholden to you 'sticking up for yourself' and have no particular method of account. You just! Have to! and once you do! they will, ofc, due to their good nature, realise the error of their ways and redress.... i mean. maybe. at least until next episode?
do i think this has ANYTHING to do with how propagandist each show is regards to... the government, the military, police or even yeah religion, and or how they characterize their settings with having NO tf civilians/non combatants.... WELL.
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i'm staring at cyrillo and rin and realizing i unintentionally made them parallels of each other. there's obviously the sun and moon imagery between them, both having been given power by their respective deities; they both act as " saviors/protectors " of the people, though cyrillo chose this role while rin was pushed into it; both of them have memories they prefer to keep for themselves; there's definitely similarities in personality, and both of them eventually come to a point where they can choose to rest, be it in death or a retirement of sorts. they can choose to finally be done with the weight of their duties, and honestly? i see cyrillo and rin coming to the same decision.
they love being alive. they love their friends, the family they've chosen. they're tired, yes, but they'll rest another day. they can't disappoint the people waiting on them to come home, nor can they rob the world of their wit and charm :' ) anyway i love these dorks and will proceed to cry about them more later <3
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i’m really loving the fantasy flight games star wars rpg system! i think it’s a combo of things, not all inherent to the system itself, but it’s deffo the one i’m having the most fun with out of my solo games. i’m also genuinely impressed by the adventure modules i’ve played so far, which all have lots of useful sidebars highlighting good places to customize things to challenge your PCs’ unique emotional strengths and weaknesses, which are also built into the mechanical morality system.
speaking of, i also really like?? the morality system?? in a star wars game lmao. ttrpg format is just so much better equipped for it than video games that always wind up boiling down to “did you help this person? good! did you murder several civilians? evil! were you mean about it? even worse!” like the rulebook itself posits that the core of star wars stories are meant to be the moral question of good and evil in relation to a person’s choices in a difficult universe, and it so includes various tools for how to build a story around your PCs exploring that with direct mechanical impact and support.
maybe it’s just the contrast to the absolute lack of gm guidance in certain other games but it’s been very approachable and surprisingly fulfilling and interesting, even playing alone!
there’s also a frankly obscene number of modular xp advancement tree options available which will always always be my jam. and i’m going to hit the ceiling of the (also obscene) optional crafting system *fairly* soon but the great news about playing solo ttrpgs, as always, is that I can just do absolutely whatever I want
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