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bnpd · 2 months

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❝ LONG SHOT ! ❞ ; 001

❝ PROFESSIONAL BASKETBALL PLAYER!GOJO SATORU X PHYSICAL THERAPIST!READER. ❞

SYNOPSIS: After an unexpected encounter with the infamous Gojo Satoru at a local convenience store at 3 A.M. You're given the opportunity to worm your way into his life, but not without a personal invitation from Gojo himself. One thing leads to another, and you're the first person they call when he gets a career-threatening injury, forcing both of you to spend day and night together, but not without some obstacles of course: your cousin.

WORD COUNT : 8K SERIES MASTERLIST : ° ᡣ𐭩 . ° . NAVIGATION : ꩜

PT. 1 : PT. 2

Your days start off simple. Wake up at 5 am. Shower at 5:05. Get ready at 5:30. Breakfast at 6:30am. Leave your cozy city apartment at 7:00 am –sharp– to make it to work.

“Good morning Miwa,” you greet politely, walking past her desk and she scrambles to gather her clipboard. Hot on your tail, she frantically looks over her notes. “What do you have for me today?” You ask.

“Doctor, your first consultation of the day is waiting for you in your office! And your regular patient called to let you know that those exercises you suggested are working wonders!” You nod and hum occasionally to inform her that you’re listening as you maneuver through the rest of the doctors, stopping momentarily to encourage a patient lifting weights. She speaks quickly. “And Doctor Shoko called to ask if you’ll be going to…” she pauses and you figure she’s looking at her notes again. “The basketball game,” and she's quick to add “ —the Jujutsu Sorcerers are playing tomorrow night.”

You stop abruptly outside of your office door, feeling Miwa lightly bump into your back before she mutters a swift apology. You turn around, raising a questioning eyebrow. “She called about that? Tell her I’m bus-”. Miwa’s quick to intercept. “She insists! Plus, I thought you loved the Jujutsu Sorcerers?”

You think it over.

You did like them. No. They were your absolute favorite basketball team. Besides, you could never turn down a basketball game.

“Fine. I’ll see her tomorrow night. Thank you Miwa.”

“We have just minutes to go here in the fourth quarter of the season opener at the Sorcerer Stadium. The Jujutsu Sorcerers are up by ten over the Special Grades, thanks much to the tremendous effort of the star point guard, Gojo Satoru.”

Inside the stadium is loud, as fans cheer on their favorite teams. It’s a full game tonight. A completely sold out stadium with all the people that showed up to praise their favorite players. The energy is loud, and fun. As people stand, and others sit in their seats in a stressful manner—mostly the losing team.

The two kids behind you wear matching Jujutsu Sorcerers jerseys. One boy is sporting a 01 while the other sports a 02. One for the infamous Gojo Satoru and the other for Geto Suguru. You’re happy to admit that you too are sporting a number 01 jersey.

“Gojo Satoru, one of the best point guards in the league. Living up to his reputation and title of the ‘Chosen One’, tonight.” You listen, and watch intently as the announcers speak of Gojo. As he dribbles left, dodging every player in his way, bypassing their attempts to stop him. He’s unstoppable.

“He looks inside. And he’s got nothing there.” The announcer anticipates. The crowd stands up from their seats eager to watch his next move. Their anticipation is intense as everyone in the stadium witnesses the Gojo Satoru work up close.

“He’s gonna take it himself!” The announcer exclaimed in disbelief, he himself could not believe this. “Behind the back! He puts it up, and it's good” The entire stadium puts their hands up to cheer, and scream. You see a mix of colors in the crowd, mostly a light blue in support of the Jujutsu Sorcerers.

You tune out the announcers as Gojo Satoru is celebrating his team's score. He’s sweating so much his jersey sticks to his chest and stomach. You can faintly make out the outline of his abs. His muscles flex as he lifts his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his forehead, his abs on full display. You grin at how hot he is. Anyone with eyes can see it. You swear you hear the girls cheer louder at the display of skin. Even if you were still here for the game, you were still a woman after all.

“You’re drooling.” Shoko points out beside you, and you almost reach your hand towards your mouth to check before you playfully narrow your eyes at her. “Please,” you say dismissively, “What’s the correct way to react to a court full of sweaty hot guys? Watch the game?”.

Her eyes roll dramatically before sporting a playful grin, and you bump your shoulder against hers to bring out a full smile from her. You succeed.

Shoko continues to cheer on the team. This is the most excited you’ve seen her since she found a remaining cigarette in her car after she’d just ran out. You were so distracted by the cigarette addict beside you that you almost missed the foul they gave the other team as Gojo Satoru stands on the free throw line.

“Gojo Satoru shot 95% from the freethrow line last season, but he’s been 100% tonight.” The announcers go back to bickering about the game, praising Gojo’s in-game scores. “Let’s see if he stays on his hot streak tonight, and for the rest of the season–”.

Gojo dribbles the ball, and the stadium remains silent. The tension thick in the air as they hold their breath–even you, who leans forward in anticipation. He locks his knees, and shoots straight into the basketball hoop. The ball never even touches the rim. He makes both shots. Gojo smirks cockily as he slaps Geto’s hand twice in celebration.

“-And he’s done it! It’s 12 in a row, for Gojo Satoru. Geto Suguru–number two–has 10 tonight. Quite a duo on the court. I would say.”

Shoko and you cheer on the team as they celebrate the win themselves. The kids behind you scream so loud your eardrums almost pop, but you can’t find it in yourself to mind.

The energy in the stadium tonight reminds you of why you loved going to basketball games in the first place. The excitement in the court, and in the entire stadium is something no one can miss.

The kids behind you are so excited that it spreads to you, and you jump up to celebrate with them. Their toothy smiles are so big and bright. They warm your heart. The moment is quickly ruined by the woman sitting on the other side of you, opposite Shoko.

“Look at that!” Your cousin harshly tugs your arm, pulling you down to reach her seat. “The player’s wives section. Full of snobby bitches.” Her fingers frantically shake to dramatize how much she wants you to see. “I’m looking.” You reply exasperated before rolling your eyes. “She has a custom Birkin! Do you have any idea how expensive that is?” She asks, and you reply with a muttered response “A house mortgage loan, I assume.”

Your cousin was—to put it shortly–spoiled, but you respected her views on someday marrying a rich man. The only problem with that is that she even uses the good ones.

She was a model. Not a well known one, but a model nonetheless. She was gorgeous, and everyone knew it. Even the men you dated. Most of them had gone as far to tell you. But you never let it deter your self-esteem. Men are a defective species and that has nothing to do with you. You choose to push that thought aside before it can develop into a mental breakdown in the middle of a basketball game.

The children screaming behind you interrupt it before it can. “Look, look!” The kids behind you frantically poke at you to look.

“He just made a three-pointer,” the boy lisps a little, and you swear you feel the saliva hit your face.

More than half of the game is just Gojo Satoru stealing the ball, and making countless scores.

You look up at the clock and see the time as it read ten seconds on the board.

“Gojo Satoru again with the ball!” You watch as he steals the ball and dribbles all the way across the court. Five seconds on the clock. He jumps up, and slams the ball directly into the basketball net with both hands still hanging onto the rim. “Anddd Number 1… brings the game home!” And the final buzzer rings across the court, calling the game. Zero seconds on the board.

The announcer makes one last comment, “Unbelievable performance by Gojo Satoru.”

Gojo is instantly swarmed with reporters in hopes of getting a word with him. But he’s fine with this. He loves the attention. He loves it when all eyes are on him. He thinks it’s how it should always be. A cocky man at heart.

“Tremendous game tonight Gojo Satoru.” The reporter speaks, and she’s too close for any regular reporter, and Gojo catches onto it quickly. “Thank you, thank you.” He responds in an airy flirty tone.

He scans the stands, and his eyes catch onto a woman helping two kids from their seats—they wear the number of his jersey, and Getos. His eyebrows furrow, and he tunes out the reporter subconsciously. The mysterious woman laughs at something her friend says—and his eyebrows lift up in surprise at the recognition of his friend, Shoko.

“Almost a decade with the Jujutsu Sorcerers, the only franchise you’ve ever played for…” a male reporter takes a lead on his attention as Gojo turns his head over to talk to the male reporter. He smiles into the camera, a radiant smile.

A player from the opposing team passes Gojo before patting his back, and cheers at him for the good game.

“...But you’re a free agent at the end of the season. The question everyone wants to know… will Gojo Satoru re-sign with the Jujutsu Sorcerers?” he asks as he shifts the microphone from side to side at the question, urging Gojo to answer. The reporters surrounding him, too, lean closer into him.

Gojo licks his lips before responding. His chest breathing erratically from the previous game, “I prove myself night in and night out on that court. I’m the best in the league right now. Of course they’ll sign me. I’m the best.”

He winks at the female reporter after his proud admission as her face turns bright red at the display of flirtation. She lowers the microphone to say something to him personally before his manager comes disrupting the flirty exchange and drags him away from the reporters as their distant shouts begin to fade, entering the locker room.

You’re exiting the stadium before one of your cousin’s friends invites herself into the conversations. Completely interrupting your rant about how horrible the injury a recent basketball player received.

“Girl, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” You turn around at the sound of the high-pitched voice, and see a woman dressed in all black, some large classy sunglasses, and a dark cherry red lipstick. Her aura emitted elegance, and high-class.

“Hey,” she greets you in a monotone voice before turning over to your cousin again and her excitement seems to be shot back into her system as she begins to ramble to your cousin. Your head tilts at her attitude. Disbelief is clear on your face.“It is so packed in here, it is so gross.” She comments with an undeniable hint of disgust in her voice as she clutches her mini purse closer to her.

“But anyway!” she dismisses, “Gojo Satoru… is having a birthday party Saturday night at his house, but we don’t have the tickets yet, sooooo we’re going to an after party tonight, and see if we can worm ourselves into getting some tickets.” She picks at her nails before grabbing your cousin's hands to shake them in an urging manner. She takes her glasses off to show her a pleading look.

Your cousin lifts her eyebrow in question, “Where’s the after party?”

“The Shibuya Hotel.” Your cousin thinks it over before nodding, turning over to you. “You don’t mind do you?”

You smile at her, “No, not at all. Do your thing.”

“K-K, bye!” Her long slender fingers moving back and forth in a quick and dismissive goodbye.

The bells above the door jingle to announce the presence of someone entering the convenience store. The sudden sound of them has you looking up.

After the game ended you went home and locked yourself up to finish some remaining paperwork, before checking the time and deciding to grab a snack at your favorite corner store.

You glance up at the clock in wonder. It’s currently 3 a.m, and the convenience store tucked into the sketchy corner of the city is always empty. It’s quite a walk from here to your apartment, but a welcomed one. Especially at this time. You always found yourself making late night trips to the store for a midnight snack. They were just something you found quite peaceful. A walk in the dark as you play your favorite playlist, finding a chance to lose yourself in your own head.

You were close to the owner, an old sweet man that conjured a liking to you because of how much you resembled his daughter that was currently deployed overseas.

You spare a glance at the hooded figure that steps into the store, their back turned to you, but you note how tall they are. A shiver runs down your spine as the opened door allows cold air to rush into the tight space.

You’re not sure if the shiver was a cause of the gust of wind that slithered its way inside or the new presence of the looming figure. You don't like to ponder on the possibility that it might be the latter.

You continue to browse through the mochi flavors, looking for your beloved one. It’s unusual for them to be unstocked around this time, considering how cold the weather is. And how empty this side of town finds itself to be. You sigh as you bend down to get a better look.

You feel a presence behind you, and you stiffen at their closeness. A masculine, slender hand, comes into view, as it reaches for the exact flavor of mochi you so happened to be reaching for as well. You both freeze at the sudden, and unexpected contact before both releasing a nervous laugh.

But neither of you find it in yourselves to retract your hands. You clear your throat before speaking.

“Listen…It’s been a rough night,” You start, and turn to face him, but pause mid sentence at the look of what he’s wearing. A black face mask, a black hoodie with the hood of it over his head, and some sunglasses?…At night…and indoors? Not only that, but the man in question was insanely tall. Taller than any regular man you’ve encountered. He had the height of a basketball player.

“Never mind,” You suddenly find yourself not in the mood to argue with a suspicious stranger at 3 a.m. in a sketchy part of town.

Your mother always taught you that as a woman being careful with who you piss off, especially a man that could bring you harm, was important. You wish you had the confidence to defend yourself physically, but you’d rather never have to take those chances. That was the reality of it.

“You can keep it.” You mutter before gathering your things, and speeding over to the cash register. You watch him scan your items, but you can’t shake off the feeling of two eyes burning holes in your back throughout the whole ordeal.

You pull your scarf tighter against your neck as you speed walk in the direction of your apartment. The cold of the fall and lack of sun always make your entire body quiver. You thank your past self for wearing thick layers of clothing, knowing you wouldn’t be able to handle the freezing weather.

You never could handle the cold.

Your senses heightened when you heard steps approaching behind you, quickly at that.

You clench your first in your coat jacket, readying yourself for anything. The steps get closer, and you wait until you feel their presence closely behind you before swinging around, surprising him with a amateaur punch. “Ow!” the stranger winces. “What the fuck!” He chokes out in surprise, holding his face in shock.

You bring your hands up to your mouth in a gasp. “Oh- My-God!” A frantic apology is quick to escape your lips. “Why would you do that?!” You question the stranger exasperatedly. “Don’t–sneak up on a woman like that!” Your hands move around to signal the obvious, it’s dark.

“Well, fuck!” He responds, “I was just trying to give you the mochi,” His hand extends to reveal the truth. A mochi sits in his grasp—not just any mochi—the one you abandoned back in the store for the sake of it. He chased after you to give it to you.

Your body deflates at the realization, and it makes you feel a tiny bit sorry. Not for long when you realize he's most certainly at fault. He should’ve known not to approach a girl in the dead of night.

A few feet of distance separates you both, but you can’t help but release a tiny embarrassed laugh at the comedic situation. Your contagious laugh seems to transfer to him because he releases a small huff of amusement under his breath.

You’re both standing under a streetlamp a few feet away from the convenience store, in a defense mode. The stranger in front of you still holds onto his face in an attempt to relieve the pain.

The physical therapist in you kicks in, and you step closer towards him to inspect the damage. He’s reluctant to let you approach him, tensing is evident in the way his shoulders square up. But you reassure him. “It’s okay,” you softly comfort, “I’m a physical therapist, I just want to see that it won’t bruise or anything.”

Your words seem to help because his guarded shoulders deflate a little.

“Let me see,” you murmur into the dark, reaching over to remove his hand. He watches you intently through his glasses, and you realize he’s wearing a lot to protect his face. You take the time to study his remote way of dressing. His attempt to hide himself, you reason within yourself. His hair is covered by a black hood, paired with a black beanie, a black face mask that covers his lips and nose, a light blue sweatshirt that brings some color, some gray sweats that cover the entirety of his long legs, and a black puffer jacket to help keep the cold out. He looks warm, yet cold at the same time.

You wonder why he’s deliberately trying to hide who–or what—he is.

You find out soon enough because when you peel off his hand, and later his face mask to get a better look at his cheek you blurt out the first thing that crosses your mouth.

“You’re Gojo Satoru.” It’s spoken in a whisper, he almost doesn’t hear the acknowledgement with how soft your voice travels. Your eyes are wide with surprise, and a bit of elation. It felt like a caress, he notes.

A choked gasp almost leaves your lips when you take off his sunglasses and find the most unreal set of blue eyes stare back at you.

“The one, and only.” His response doesn’t come out as confident as he planned. Instead it came off shaky, and unsure. Breathless even. He blames it on the look on your face, and the way you stare intently into his eyes, seeing straight through him. His lips crack into a smile, and the amused look in your eye caused by his cheesy line.

“You sound more confident on TV.” You retaliate. He’s quick with a witty response, “Maybe you just make me nervous.” He wets his lips with a swipe of his tongue, taking you in. You’re illuminated by the streetlamp.

You laugh at his stupid attempt to flirt with you, playfully dismissing his advances.

Bringing your focus back to his cheek you inspect it before speaking, “It won’t bruise,” He looks like he’s ready to speak up but you interrupt him by finishing your sentence, “But—you’ll still need to ice it. At least for tonight.”

Of course it wouldn’t bruise, you’ve never taken any lessons on how to properly hit—let alone land a punch. You punched him in hopes of catching him off guard before he could surprise you, giving you the chance to run for the hills, not because you knew you’d be able to take a stranger in a fight.

When your fight or flight response kicked in, you didn’t even ponder the possibility of punching a professional athlete, let alone a professional basketball player. One that played for your favorite team. Quite frankly you were starstruck, and the fangirl in you was having an entire party. The Gojo Satoru was here. Right in front of you. He was even more gorgeous up close—taller too.

The cameras did indeed do him justice, but nothing ever compares to the real thing. His bright blue eyes, and snow-white lashes were straight out of a magical fairytale. As much as you’d like to jump up and down, and then hug him, you knew you had to contain yourself. Otherwise you would scare him away. Or he would feel too uncomfortable to engage in casual conversation with a crazy fan.

But you were more of a basketball fan than solely a Gojo Satoru fan, and that fact alone was keeping you at bay. Your early childhood years of having a basketball coach father always kept you engaged in basketball in general.

After going back inside the convenience store to grab some ice from the ice machine—with Gojo trailing closely behind you—you both now sat on the edge of the sidewalk right in front of the convenience store, talking amongst one another about nothing in particular. The only source of lighting being the lit up convenience store, and the streetlamp hovering over your seater figures.

Gojo sits beside you with a hand holding the ice pack to his face, while another is used to reach into the bag of mochi to grab some more. But your mind can’t seem to ignore how close you two sit against one another, your thighs are almost touching from your close proximity.

“Thank you.” Gojo’s hushed voice cuts through the silly conversational atmosphere, and turns into a semi-serious one.

A tiny toothless smile spreads across your face, “You can thank me, by winning the championships.” Your knee knocks into his in an attempt to bring back the playful mood, and he takes it gratefully. He responds eagerly by knocking his knee against yours in response. His touch shoots a tingle up your spine.

Your smile must be contagious because the cutest lopsided smile makes an appearance on Gojo’s face, “Oh, so you’re really a die-hard fan?” He teases.

“Ever since I was a little girl.”

“How so?” He asks, his eyes never leaving your face as his hands reach into the bag of mochi to munch on.

“Well,” You think about your next words as you gesture for Gojo to move the bag of mochi closer so that you can grab a piece, “My dad was a college basketball coach—still is—and all through elementary to middle school I would often sit on the side of practices and watch them play. So I kind of developed an interest in watching the sport. I find it nostalgic—in a way. My dad and I just bond over it.”

You mention how you were looking to become a professional NBA physical therapist. It had been your dream ever since you were a little girl. And it still is. Though you’re a current sports physical therapist— the best in your field—you want more.

He’s silent as he reflects on your response. You take this as your chance to bite into your mochi, humming contently at the yummy taste. The chewy texture is satisfying against your tongue, its sweetness seeping into your mood.

“That’s cool,” he replies after a moment of silence. “I grew up watching—and playing—basketball too.” He pauses, and you patiently wait as he collects his thoughts.

“But mostly because our family has been professional basketball players for generations, and I just kind of fell into that.”

You nod your head in understanding. You wonder if he’s playing because he genuinely likes the game or because it’s expected of him to continue the tradition. The legacy.

You knew about the Gojo family being generational professional basketball players. Every single one of them have played for the Jujutsu Sorcerers, and because of them they’ve always been an outstanding basketball team. Some consider them to be reincarnations of each other, but that’s just silly internet theories.

There’s numerous articles about the Gojo family, a lot of them highlighting the way they dominate almost every industry. Their wealth, and worldwide superiority is insanely known. It went beyond just Gojo’s direct family playing professional basketball, their entire family tree is gifted with various qualities.

You can’t imagine the burden he must carry.

One thing is certain and it’s that you’re genuinely delighted in his presence. You realize he’s silent before looking over at him, and you frown at the unreadable look on his face. “What’s wrong?” You probe.

His gorgeous bright blue eyes look all over your face in an analytical kind of way, before a ghost smile grazes his features. “Nothing,” he says softly, his eyes staring softly at you, “Nothing at all.” He turns back to bite into his mochi, chewing on it before contently humming to himself.

A familiar tune, you realize, and you gasp before hitting his arm, “Is that the Digimon tune?” His eyes twinkle in surprise, and something like eagerness—before he takes off into another excited rant. Telling you about his favorite digital pet model toy he used to own as a kid, and how he still has a collection of them at home. He tells you about how he wishes to find a rare one. His descriptions are so animated, and you can’t help but stare fondly at his features.

Though you weren’t a huge digimon fan, you don’t bother telling him in fear of breaking through his elation.

How the corner of his lips turns up in excitement or how his hands are used to animatedly demonstrate what he is trying to portray. Often used to wave them around. Your favorite feature would have to be his eyes, and the way they sparkle when he talks about something he's passionate about. Even in the darkness his ice cold blue eyes find a way to look so warm.

You like the bubble you’ve both created for yourselves. Time feels unimportant, and worries feel so far away.

After his rant you fall back into a comfortable silence. The ambience around you does a good job at filling the silence. The crickets hidden in the grass sing as the wind blows, swaying the trees. The moon lightens up the world to the best of her ability. But the city is alive, it always is. New York never sleeps, even at night. It’s probably the time it’s most awake.

Gojo breaks the comfortable silence,“What are you doing Saturday night?”

You make it back at 7 a.m., (with the help of Gojo driving you home), and thank the gods that you didn’t have work today. Shoko would’ve pestered you about your late-night whereabouts.

You’re welcomed by the sight of your cousin sitting on the floor by the coffee table surrounded by numerous magazines scattered around the living room. Her concentration prompts you to raise a skeptical eyebrow.

Cautiously walking into her space to not cause a disturbance, you ask her why she has a mess in your living room.

“I’m researching.” What could she possibly be researching in a magazine?

She notices your confused silence, and heavily sighs before putting her pen down. “I’m trying to figure out how to marry a professional athlete so that I can leech off him, and live a happy–rich–life. A girl doesn’t just become the wife of a NBA franchise player by accident.” She takes a moment to apply lip gloss before continuing.

“It takes strategy, good intel, and vision.” She finishes off before grabbing the poster board sitting next to her, showing you a pin board with various different basketball players. Thankfully, a certain bright blue eyed player is absent.

Next to each of their pictures is their name, age, birthday, interests, basketball team, and other miscellaneous facts. Her entire pin-board looks like an FBI investigation wall.

“Modeling only pays so much. Especially as a model who isn’t a Super-model.” An exasperated breath leaves her lips as if she was exhausted from just explaining the obvious to you.

“I mean look at this!” She says, frantically showing you the magazine. You lean over to get a better look as you read the title.

‘PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE, NANAMI KENTO’S WIFE STARTS BRAND NEW BAKING TELEVISION SHOW.’

“These women get fragrance deals, shoe lines, clothing lines, like; Oh.My.God! Even shows!” Each admission becomes more passionate than the last. As she continues to rant to you. “I’m almost 30. I need to start thinking for myself, and my future. Like, now. I’ll find a man, and use him.”

You laugh at her crazy talk, you start putting fingers down as you list her current struggles, “You’re crashing in my guestroom.” One finger down. “Your BMW got repossessed because you stopped making payments.” Two fingers down. “You haven’t been able to hold a steady job.” Three fingers down. “And you don’t even help clean the house.” Four fingers down.

You wave them in front of her face to try and get your point across. “Look, I’m all for you finding a rich man in the future, and living off of him—that’s fine. But for now, at least help around the house when you can. I work lots of shifts at the clinic, the least you could do is help at home—”

“Especially since you don’t help me pay any bills.” She’s ready to protest, and cut you off. You make sure you get the last word in. “I don’t care because I get paid enough to cover this nice apartment in the middle of the city. Just, take some stress off my shoulders.” You smile kindly at her.

She lets out a huff of annoyance before turning back to her magazines, and ignoring you. A tired sigh escapes your lips. Her gloomy mood makes you feel pitiful, but thankfully you remember what Gojo said to you that night.

“Besides, how are you gonna get an NBA husband, if you…” You grab your phone, and tap on the screen before showing her the details for Gojo Satoru’s Saturday birthday party, “Don’t go to the gatherings?”

Her eyes grow wide with excitement, and she jumps up to hug you. “How did you do that?” She questions in disbelief, as she grabs your phone to see the tickets. “Well, I bumped into him in the street, and one thing led to another so he invited me.”

She squeals before hugging you again. “I need to figure out what I need to wear. No—I need to figure out what I need to buy to wear.” She runs to your guest room in excitement, muttering to herself as she begins to move further and further away from you. The door slammed shut as an indication that you’re now alone in the living room.

You choose to keep the details hidden of how exactly you met Gojo because of how personal they felt. It felt like something sacred that should be kept between Gojo and you. You didn’t want to let anyone inside your little bubble. As selfish as that sounded.

What happened earlier this morning felt so refreshing. You softly smile to yourself before walking to your room to rest your eyes before the party.

Your mom has always believed in destiny. That the universe worked in mysterious ways. She liked the idea that everything was meant to be. People were at a certain place, and time for a reason. Even if you lose something—whatever it may be— the first time, it’ll always come back someway, somehow.

You believe it now as she enters your old adolescent room before you, holding a box in her hands. You had decided to get ready at your parents house because of how convenient it would be, considering how Gojo’s house is closer to your parent’s house compared to yours.

“You are going to find a husband tonight.” Your mother laughs. You playfully roll your eyes at her admission. “Mom… don’t start.” You half-heartedly warn before she goes off her lovesick rant, placing the box on the table next to you.

“Honey, I married your father, and he still can’t believe his luck. I mean I understand, I am beautiful, and so is my gorgeous daughter—”

“—and niece!” Your cousin adds before going back to the mirror, touching up her eyelashes.

Your mother and you sweetly laugh before continuing, “I mean, when I first met him, it was like love at first sight.” You can’t help the frown that overtakes your features at her admission, a certain white-haired blue eyed man coming to mind.

“Anyway,” Your mother says before waving dismissively, “I have a surprise.” She smiles, before opening the box she had brought with her. You gasp as she pulls out the most gorgeous set of earrings you’ve ever laid eyes on. “Are those…?” You trail off in question.

“Your grandmother’s diamond earrings.” Your mother confirms before gazing softly at them. “She wore them the night she met your grandfather, and I wore them the night I met your father. And now I want you to wear them.” She tells you.

“They’re beautiful!” Your cousin compliments, quickly picking herself up from her seat and making her way over. “They are more than beautiful,” Your mother responds in agreement.

“I don’t think those will suit her Auntie, but they will suit me!” You glare at your cousin. Your mom smiles at your cousin before handing them to her. A look of betrayal paints your face. “Then I think you should wear them.”

Your heart drops at the admission, and before you could protest. The earrings are already on her before you could blink. “What do you think?” She asks you. Ugly. You think.

“I think I need a shot.” You mutter.

“Oh my god.” Your cousin says in amazement. “This is beautiful.”

You can’t help but silently agree with her. Gojo’s house was beyond gorgeous. The house was elegant, simplistic, yet lived in. It was decorated enough to uplift the house, rather than outshine it.

You walk through the main entrance, and see a lot of faces you’d usually see on TV, magazines, and billboard signs. Lots of Gojo’s teammates scatter among the crowd. They’re easy to spot considering their height.

The music is played to a low volume. The atmosphere emits one of class, tranquility yet fun, and livelihood. People chatter away, immersed in their own worlds, without a care in the world. You suppose that people who have the privilege to attend a Gojo gathering can afford to live without a care in the world.

As you enter the main living room, you hear a voice command the room. Perfecting timing.

“I’d like to make a special toast, for a special birthday boy.” Geto grins, lifting his drink to cheer, before grabbing Gojo by the neck and continuing with what you suspect is a birthday speech. As if on queue the people begin to gather around Geto and Gojo.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard this before,” Geto pauses before continuing, “that when some people become rich and famous they turn into pricks…” He looks back at Gojo, “But Satoru’s always been a rich and famous asshole, so it doesn’t apply to him.” He laughs before receiving a shove from Gojo as they share a hearty laugh together.

“Point is, he’s still the same guy from high school…minus the stickman legs, and high-pitched voice.” The crowd joins in on Geto’s laughter, “To my one and only best friend, happy birthday.” The crowd cheers, and a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday!' ring throughout the room. “Thank you Suguru.” You watch as Gojo and Geto prepare themselves to do a load of shots. As the music begins to pick up again, and the crowd disperses.

Your cousin taps your shoulder, and you look over at her, “I’m gonna go explore okay?”

“Oh! O–” You turn around to find her already gone, “--Kay.”

You find your way to the bar, as you sweetly greet the bartender. “Can I have a glass of champagne?”

You’re waiting patiently against the bar when you feel a tap on your shoulder, and a look of surprise crosses your features at the sight of Gojo’s beaming smile. “You made it.” He says happily, eyeing you with a dopey smile.

“Happy birthday!” You tell him, and his hand rests beside your waist against the bar, slightly caging you in. “I got you a card!” You say, reaching into your handbag for the Digimon themed birthday card, and a breathy chuckle leaves Gojo’s lips at the sight of it.

His eyes twinkle when he looks back up at you, “Aw, come on,” He says before continuing with a fake pout, “No surprise punch?”

You laugh at his lame teasing, but play along with him anyway. “Maybe next time, if you decide to run up behind me in the middle of the night, I’ll give you two.” His lips set on a teasing yet flirty smile, raising a questioning eyebrow, “Next time? With the way you look tonight, there will definitely be a next time—”

“Oh god!” A frantic voice interrupts you both, and you’re not surprised to find out the culprit is your cousin. Although you’re happy that she found you again, currently her presence is an unwelcome one. Her hand rests on your shoulder as she looks into your eyes. Your annoyance is quickly replaced with worry as it immediately overtakes your features. “There you are! I am so sorry, but I need to leave.” Your cousin says.

“What? Why? Is everything okay?” You ask, quickly scanning her for any physical injuries. “Everything is okay! It’s just that I got a call from the non-profit I was working with, and they need me to come in immediately.”

Non-profit? Working with?

“What? You don’t–”, She gives you a look that causes a realization to wash over you. She’s lying to make a good impression. With a roll of your eyes, you clear your throat to look back at Gojo but find that he is already fixated on something. Or more like someone.

Your cousin. The look on his face causes a sinking feeling to settle in your stomach. “Hey.” He says.

“Gojo, this is my cousin.” You tell him her name before continuing, “We grew up together.”

Your cousin barely glances at Gojo before realization dawns on her about who he is, and a flirty smile graces her features. “Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.” She says, before slipping back into a false indifference. Gojo’s eyes never leave her figure, but your cousin has a game to play, and it’s her favorite one. Unfortunately for Gojo, he’s playing right into it.

“One of the volunteers at the homeless shelter I help out at, just called in sick. So I need to go.” She begins to walk away, but Gojo stops her before she can. “You know, I volunteer too.”

“That’s cool," she says before turning to you and perking up again, “I have to stop by the store to buy some games for the kids, okay?” You couldn’t believe her. Her head tilted to one side while listening to him, a hidden sheen of interest coated her eyes.

You think you might have to kill yourself after this.

Gojo’s eyebrows raise once again in a curious manner, “You two…live together?”

“If by living together, you mean she free-loads, then yeah! We live together.” That earns you a gentle elbow in the stomach. “How can I get in touch with you?” He persists with an unrelenting stare.

“Oh…Gojo…It’s Gojo, right?” You feel your eyes roll involuntarily,” I’m sorry I’ve tried the whole ‘dating an athlete thing, and…it’s not my thing. But it was really nice talking to you.” She turns to you once again, and you swear you see a menacing glint in her eye. “Are you ready?”

To jump off a cliff? Absolutely.

Your cousin walks away, and anger overtakes your entire body. You turn to look at Gojo, and deflate at how his attention is solely on her, and the way she confidently walks away, catching the eyes of many men. Unaware of the attention you hinder as well.

You feel sick to your stomach. You should’ve asked the bartender for a round of shots.

Gojo’s friends watch as you walk away with interest in their eyes. “You know, the objective is not to make them leave.” Geto speaks up. Entranced by you.

But Gojo’s eyes stay focused elsewhere, before looking at Geto, “I think this worked out just great.” He trails off.

“What the hell was that back there?” You interrogate in a tight voice as soon as you shut the car door. “Oh. Come on.” The tone of her voice has you reeling back. You watch in disbelief as your cousin reapplies her lipstick through your car vanity mirror. She pops her lips before continuing, “Was he looking at me when I walked away?” Her eyes shine with a gleam of deviltry.

A scoff leaves your lips, and you look away from her. “Yes, he was.” Sadly. “You do realize, you don’t work—let alone volunteer—for a homeless shelter, right?”

“Obviously,” she counters, “But he seemed like the kind to fall for that kind of stuff. So I gave it to him, and it worked. I won’t even need to work a job anymore when I get to live in this big house.” Her hands gesture back to the direction of Gojo’s house before continuing to fix her makeup.

“You don’t even work a job now.” You emphasize with raised eyebrows, and a tilt in your head. “Besides, you rejected him.”

“Yeah,” your cousin responds in a ‘duh’ tone, “That’s probably the first time that’s ever happened since…forever. Trust me…” She trails off while fixing her hair, “I’ll be hearing from him.”

And she did.

The next morning you’re almost leaving your apartment for work when you hear a knock, and find a well dressed Gojo before your eyes. You raise a questioning eyebrow at the sight of his presence.

He eyes you for a little before clearing his throat. “Is your cousin here?” A hesitant tone overtakes his features, studying you for a reaction.

Your heart threatens to drop, but you clear your head before it can. “Yeah.” You respond somberly before continuing, “She’s in her room. I’ll go get her.” You turn around to fetch your cousin but pause mid-turn as a sudden question sweeps into your head. You turn to face him once again in clear confusion.

“How did you know I lived here?” You ask skeptically. Gojo grins confidently, a lazy smile gracing his features, “I know people.”

“That’s reassuring.” You drift away from him after curtly inviting him inside your home, and you watch as he studies your cozy apartment. Zero-ing in on the personal pictures of you you’ve hung up on your bookshelf. A faint hum comes out of him as he studies your pictures intently, memorizing them.

“Aren’t you nosy.” You quip at him teasingly. He turns to look at you with a playful expression. “Well, I find you interesting.”

“Well not interesting enough,” you say, muttering to yourself. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” You say walking away from him to get your cousin.

Everything took off from there. One dinner turned into two, then three, and then more than you could count on two hands. It’s like their love came easy for them, and you could tell by the countless tabloids covering their every move.

From Gojo’s ravenous yacht dates with your cousin, to endless shopping sprees. Everyday a new magazine feature was released to keep the public updated on their love story. But you didn’t need to read them to know how good they were to one another. You could tell by the way they’d gaze at each other, more on Gojo’s part.

She’d come home countless times, with something new to share. Whether it was a new expensive necklace Gojo had bought her, or he took her overseas on a spontaneous trip. You sat there and took it. You were helpless, and all you could do was blindly support her. Encourage their relationship.

And Gojo? He became unstoppable. It was impossible to believe how much better his life got—considering how great it already was. He was amazing on the court, and off the court (so you’ve heard). Your cousin got her wish granted. She could finally sit in the basketball wives section, sporting a new exclusive purse every game. She got the brand deals she always wanted, and a feature on a well known magazine. The paparazzi were so obsessed with them. Oftentimes photographing them on outings, whether it was an exclusive club, or a sweet night out together.

Headlines often portrayed their relationship as anything short of wonderful.

“PACKING IT IN: Gojo Satoru ushers his precious girlfriend into his Mercedes after spending an exhaustive day buying up boutique Manhattan.”

“LOOK OUT!: Gojo Satoru and girlfriend share a sweet kiss at a beach in Bora Bora.”

She got everything she ever wanted, and Gojo wasn’t an exception.

At first it felt like you were drowning. Like you couldn’t escape them, but then acceptance began to settle in.

You were aware of your brief interaction with Gojo. Though it felt like more than that, you realize maybe you’d jump the gun too fast. The way you both clicked that night, maybe you’d imagined his interest in you. Maybe you’d wish so badly for it that it twisted your reality of things. You’d wished to have swept him away the way your cousin did. It hurt to see the man you’d ever truly had a faint interest in slowly fall in love with your cousin. They were just so in love. At least, he thought he was.

But it didn’t matter anyway, it’s not like you knew the guy–beyond just a conversation that lasted hours. Vulnerability leaving you both bare to one another. Gojo wasn’t yours. And now he’ll never be.

You weren’t bitter. No. On the contrary, at first you were upset—granted—, but then you were happy for her. How could you be bitter? You had your own thing going on. It was going to take far more than this to hurt you. Besides, you could just avoid Gojo Satoru, right?

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ctrlsht · 8 months

Text

Fragment of the Past 01

pairing: patient!jungkook x psychiatrist!reader genre: thriller & yandere au

summary: You are a well-known and respected psychiatrist and author. You start treating Jungkook, who suffers from PTSD after surviving an extremely traumatic incident. As you help him confront his traumatic past, he begins to act strangely, and you start uncovering something about him that will change everything.

chapter summary: As you get to know your patient, Jeon Jungkook, you begin to notice that something is wrong with him, until the day he confesses to you what really happened during the night of the incident.

chapter warnings: mention of PTSD and depression, mention of hatred towards the family, mention of murder. This chapter is the only chapter that isn’t too heavy. word count: 8K

note: This fiction will contain multiple mental disorders and psychology facts. I conducted my own research to avoid spreading misinformation, but there may be aspects I've overlooked, so I am open for any corrections.

"Dr. Y/N, your next patient is already waiting outside. Shall I invite him in?" Soyeon asked while holding the doorknob, your office door slightly ajar. You leaned back in your swivel chair, glancing at the clock hanging beside the door. Soyeon stood patiently, awaiting your response.

“It’s still 2:30 and my next session is 3 o’clock. He arrived early?”

“Yes, he did. In fact, he already arrived at 2. Although he mentioned not informing you since it’s still early.”

You looked at the clock once again and contemplated your decision. You still have 30 minutes before the new session starts but you’re not going to do anything, anyway. Just like your next patient, you’re just waiting for the clock to strike at 3.

“Let him in. We’ll just start early.”

After a few moments, the door opened once again and a tall muscular man entered the room. His movements are slow like he has all the time in the world and when he faced you, his eyes sparkled, and he offered a subdued smile without revealing his teeth. He removed his black ball cap and extended his hand, presenting you with a box of cake.

“Good afternoon, doc. I’m sorry I’m too early from the original schedule but I got you a strawberry cake. Heard that you love them.” He said.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Thank you and it’s nice to see that you’re in a good mood, Jungkook.” You smiled and reached the box of cake that he gave you. He smiled even wider as he removed his leather jacket and you immediately saw his full sleeve tattoo on his right arm. They were beautiful. It perfectly suits him.

“Thanks, doc. I’m happy that I didn’t dream about ‘that’ nightmare and I believe it’s because of the medicine that you prescribe me. You help me a lot.” He responds, sitting on the white sofa facing your desk.

When he is settled down on the couch in front of your office table, you press the ‘record’ button of your phone. You record your session with your patient for your advantage. It helps you review and recall the discussion that you had with them, and it’s useful whenever you’re writing a book. Having the recordings allows you to convey your words more precisely.

Of course, you always ask for their consent to record the conversation. However, there are patients who do not agree with it, and in such cases, you still record them. They wouldn't know, would they?

“Well, that’s good to know.” You said and got the folder placed on the side of your table and opened it. It’s the record of him for you to easily navigate his diagnoses. “Are you still visiting the gym like I’ve recommended to you?”

“Yes I do and it helps me to distract my mind to what happened. Going back to the gym helps me a lot, honestly. It’s hard to push myself to go back at first but as I was in there, it became easier.” His smile is like a pill that can light anyone’s mood. It is so bright and contagious. No one will guess that he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He witnessed how his mother died in front of him exactly six months ago and he suffers a lot. He’s unable to talk for weeks after the incident happened and was advised to attend psychotherapy.

Right now, he has made significant progress, and you're glad about it. Throughout your sessions with him, you've observed how he copes with his trauma and understands what's going on in his mind. It's a major trauma for him to witness what happened to his mother. According to studies, women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, and you've handled multiple cases with women experiencing PTSD. However, in your years in this career, he is the only man you've treated with this specific diagnosis. It's a new experience for you, especially since it's your first encounter with a male patient with this condition. You've conducted extensive research, but there are still things your patient does that contradict what you've read.

“During the weekends, I spend all night reading your book, Dr. Y/N and it helps me so much. Plus, it’s good and I love it. I can’t wait for you to release the book that you’re writing right now. When did you plan on releasing them?” He crosses his legs as he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I haven’t finished writing it so I haven’t planned the date of release.” you replied, turning your attention back to the folder in your hand. “I’m glad that my books help you. Do you think that you’ve already overcome your trauma with the event that happened?” You looked at him and the smile that he had seconds ago was gone. His lips were formed into a straight line and he stared at you. It only happens for seconds and he immediately brings his bright expression once again.

“I’m not quite sure about that, Dr. Y/N. I may be happy right now, but later on, I’ll remember the tragic event once again.” He responded.

“It’s okay. It really happens. Healing from your trauma doesn’t happen in a short period of time. But eventually, you’ll be okay. It may not be right now nor tomorrow but one day,” you assured him.

“Will you leave me after I completely heal, Doc?” he leaned forward, his gaze intense. You didn’t respond right away and waited if he’s about to add more with his statement but turns out, he’s also waiting for your response.

“Well, that’s quite the opposite, Jungkook. You’ll be the one to leave me after our final session comes to an end.” You tried to smile. “And as your doctor, I genuinely want you to heal and move on to continue living with your life.”

“Then I’m not quite sure if I’ll be happy for our final session to come to an end.”

You achieved success as a psychiatrist and book author within just four years of your career. Your excellence in your work is a result of the praises you've received from people. You've built a strong reputation and you're determined to maintain it. While you may be at the top now, you know there's still a long road ahead. You're committed to continuing to excel in what you do and to break numerous records..

The day has finally ended and you are still inside your office room as you continue on writing your ongoing book. The paradox of choice. You’ve released three books and this is going to be your fourth one. You’ve been pouring your blood, sweat and tears in every book that you’ve released resulting in its success and you’re confident that this ongoing book will be the same.

You have nothing else to do except to work 24/7. You’ve been doing this for the past four years already and you have no problem with it. In fact, you love everything you do. But there are people who’s against your life cycle.

As you type on your laptop, your phone chimes, seeing a notification from your friend, Taehyung. He's been your friend since you were in diapers.

Taehyung: You’re not at home. Where are you?

You: Clinic. Why?

Taehyung: what the. At this hour?

You didn’t respond because you figured out that he doesn’t have anything to do but to disturb you and honestly, you don’t have the time for that.

Taehyung: Join me for dinner. It’s on me.

You: Can’t you eat by yourself and you have to treat me just for you to have dinner?

Taehyung: You talked as if we’re not friends. Come on, Y/N. I know you love your job but don’t wait until you are the one who becomes a patient.

Taehyung doesn’t understand you. You’re doing what you love and you don’t have a problem with it yet he thought that you were drowning yourself with work. You can choose what you want and you choose to burn yourself from work. You don’t have any problems with it.

You decide to fix your things and get ready for Taehyung to pick you up. As much as you love your career, you also cherish your friendship with him. He's your only friend, and you don't want to lose him. You've come to consider him as family.

“My father is asking me again if I can now run the business in New York." Taehyung said as he got the pork belly from the grill and placed it in his bowl of rice before he put it together in his mouth.

“Tell him you haven't decided." You respond subconsciously while wrapping the pork in the lettuce and eat it.

“What amazing advice coming from a therapist herself.” Taehyung smirked.

"What is your decision then?"

"I don't really know, Y/N." He released a deep breath and continued. "I do want to manage it but I can't. I love what I'm doing right now."

Since his teenage years, Taehyung has been destined to inherit his father's assets, including the family company. However, Taehyung chose a different path and became a successful musician and artist. He's content with his career until his father reminds him of his obligation to take over the family's oil company in New York. He has been wrestling with this difficult situation for years and has yet to find a solution.

“Try to do both.” You suggest while having a mouthful of pork belly.

“I don’t know if you’re fucking with me or what but damn, Y/N. If you’re my therapist, I’ll immediately leave your clinic and find another one.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and you tried not to laugh. "I can't choose both and you know that!"

You do want to help your friend to get out of this situation but the only thing you can do is give emotional and moral support because you don't have control over his family. You do feel sorry for him but you can't do much.

"The conflict between personal desires and altruistic choices has been common in dealing with ethical dilemmas. Choosing a decision between what you want and what your father wants that will be beneficial for the majority is quite a difficult situation and you need to weigh them according to how you see it. Your father has been there for you and in return, he wants you to handle his business not only for the benefit of him but also for you." You pause and take a bite of kimchi before you continue. "But you wanted to keep pursuing the career you have right now. It's a personal gain. It's up to you if you become selfish or selfless."

Many researchers have presented real-life ethical dilemmas and case studies to understand how people navigate decisions that involve personal desires and the welfare of others. These studies often highlight the complexity and context-dependency of such choices which is what Taehyung is experiencing right now.

If you were to decide with his situation, you'd choose to continue with his career that he has right now. Life is too short to become selfless. What society makes people believe can result in each and everyone's failure.

If he chooses to do what his father wants, it won't guarantee success, as he has no clue about running their business. And even if he manages to muster the passion to understand how it works, he might not only fail himself but also disappoint his father.

You ended the night with Taehyung bringing you back to the clinic to get your car. It was nice catching up with him once in a while and hopefully, it won't happen often. Taehyung has known you since forever and he knows that even if you love him, you will still choose your work over him.

You were about to open the door of the driver seat of your car when you felt something. Or more of someone.

You don't hear any noise coming from afar or nearby and you're certain that you're the only one who is at the parking lot in front of the clinic but you feel like there is a pair of eyes that's watching you. You're facing the two-story building of the clinic and catch sight of anyone but the only thing you see is a light coming from the entrance and nothing else.

You slowly turn around to see the surroundings and the only thing you see is a quiet night street illustrated by a few streetlights. There is no one, yet you can still feel that pair of eyes looking at you.

You weren't sure if it's because of overworking or the alcohol you've consumed tonight but you're certain that one of it is the reason why you are having this kind of imagination.

—

“Good morning, Yunjin. You look pale today. What’s wrong?” You looked at your patient that’s seated across the sofa in front of you. Her lips were paper thin and she continuously blinked her eyes. Yunjin is a 25-year old diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder and she's been your patient for a year already. Being diagnosed with depression can cause a lot of factors including imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin and norepinephrine. These imbalances can occur in anyone, regardless of their external circumstances. In Yunjin’s situation, it’s caused by her genes and hormones and most likely, she inherited from her family.

Yunjin came from a well known family and her life is what every person dreams to have. She already has everything yet she still suffers with depression.

Not because a person has a wealthy and happy life doesn’t mean they do not encounter problems.

“It’s happening again. I’ve lost track of my motivation to continue painting.” She speaks hoarsely. “Last week, I’m pouring all my hardwork and energy into what I’m working on but now, I’ve messed up. And I don’t even know why I am doing this because my work is mediocre in the first place.”

“You know that’s not true, Yunjin. Your paintings are amazing. I love them so much, especially the one you gave me.” You said carefully.

“No, you don’t understand. My works are trash compared to others.” Her voice is already trembling—on the verge of crying.

“Everyone has a unique and creative way to express their works. Not because you think that the works of others are more creative means yours are not. Your paintings are a masterpiece, Yunjin and I won’t get tired of reminding you about that.”

Yunjin is one of your patients who is incredibly transparent. She is consistently honest and open about her feelings, and you have played a significant role in nurturing this honesty. Over your years of being a psychotherapist, you’ve encountered thousands of patients with different problems and diagnosis. You’ve known the ins and outs of them and you’ve mastered the meaning of every action they’ve made and words they’ve said. You also know if they’re telling the truth or not and you can spot it within a single session.

That’s what you’re known—for being an excellent psychiatrist.

However, you’re not yet perfect and still working with your skills. You know that you’re already great but there is still room for improvement.

Not because you’re confident with how you read your patients means that it’s the truth. Sometimes, they deceive you and that’s a case that you have to improve with yourself.

It’s almost five and a few moments from now, you’ll have your last patient for the day. The truth is, you’re already exhausted with all the work you did today and given that it’s friday. Tomorrow, it’s a rest day, therefore, things should be done until today if you want to enjoy the weekend. But in your case, you’ll most probably work with the book you’re currently writing.

Jeon Jungkook is your last patient for the day and hopefully, after the session, both of you will feel relief.

“Hello, Dr. Y/N. You look so tired. Are you okay?” Jungkook asked you as he removed his bomber jacket revealing his full sleeve tattoo. He has a taste in fashion and it suits him so well. With his tall and muscular body, he can wear anything and still look stunning. Beside his body build, Jungkook is handsome. With his beautiful doe eyes and perfect smile, he can captivate anyone. And it’s something that you should be cautious about.

“I’m fine, Jungkook. You don’t have to worry about me.” You slightly smile and insist him to sit on the sofa. “Please take a seat. How are you?” You try to energize your voice to hide your exhaustion.

"Today was supposed to be great until one of my employees messed around at work. His name is Bryan, and ever since he got hired, he's been getting on my nerves. If it weren't for the fact that he's my uncle's son, I would have fired him right from the beginning," he began, settling into his seat.

“What happened?”

“He lost the memory card of the camera I used from the photoshoot yesterday and now, we had to redo the shoot.” His eyebrows scrunch as he tightens his lips.

“Your feelings are valid, Jungkook. It’s okay to feel that way. What you can do to control your emotions when you’re in that situation is to leave and take a break where you can breathe.”

“You’re right. But now, I feel okay. Relief even. I just fired him from being incompetent. Someone like him doesn’t belong in my studio, anyway.”

You take a pause to look at him. He looks at you with a blank stare and when he does that, he’s unbothered or doesn’t care. You admit that he’s not easy to read but you’ve learned to master his gesture and there is something about him that feels off.

“Can you tell me why his action results in you firing him?”

“Because he’s useless and I don’t need useless people in my team.” He responds like the answer is already obvious.

“Don’t you think that he can improve?” His gaze intensifies and after a moment, he smirks.

“My studio is not a training ground, Dr. Y/N. It’s a place where you should already master what you’re doing.” His fingers move in his lips to play with it, eyes still bore at you.

“I’ve established my business from the scratch and I’ve poured my blood sweat and tears just for my business to be in where it is now. Perhaps, I have the right to do anything that's better for my studio. I know what my worth is. Don’t you think, Dr. Y/N?”

He’s full of himself. But you didn’t say that.

“Well, you have a point, Jungkook. But you’re the one who said it. Your studio is made from scratch and perhaps, you know what being in your lowest point feels like.” You try to smile genuinely. “It’s okay to know your worth and at the same time, look back where you came from.” You looked at his medical records and proceeded. “How’s your condition? Are you still experiencing anxiety?”

“30 minutes ago. When I was traveling to get here.”

“Why? What’s running in your mind?” He wiggled his ankle and continued to play with his lips, thinking of the answer.

“I was nervous during the ride. I don’t know but sometimes, you make me feel nervous.” He let out a playful chuckle.

“Why?”

“The fact that you knew everything about me makes me feel something. You’ve known everything about me yet I don’t know a single thing about you.” You don’t understand what's his point so you try to laugh to ease the heavy feeling you feel right now.

“Of course, you knew me, Jungkook. You’ve mentioned that you knew me even before the session started.” You give him a smile and you put down the folder that you are holding right now.

"Yeah, I know you, Doc. Everyone knows you. I'm aware of everything that's public about you. What I want to know is who Dr. Y/N is without her MD and PhD. What do you do during your days off, and what are your hobbies besides helping people with their problems?" He glanced at the wall beside you, where a painting of you hangs. It's a picture of you that people can see in your books, a gift from Yunjin.

You’ve known Jeon Jungkook with his traumas and all however, you don’t know what he’s up to right now. He entered your clinic being a fragile person with his traumas and right now, it felt like you’re talking to another person. Maybe because this is him without his diagnosis.

And you don’t know how to feel about it.

—

It’s a photoshoot day for a magazine featuring you as a doctor and an author as well. It’s a media organization focusing on psychology and human behavior and you’re delighted to be featured for the upcoming magazine. You’ve already featured in some magazine but this time, it’s different because it’s ‘Psychology Today.’

You’re now on your way going to the studio with your team along with your agent, Kim. You seem to look calm and relax but deep down, nervousness is wrapping your insides. It is by far the biggest media organization where you will be featured and it’s another achievement of yours.

As you get out of your car, you weren’t surprised that the location where the photoshoot is going to be held is this enormous. It’s a four-story building located at the center of the city. You’re not sure if the media organization also owns this but as you looked at the name of the building, it looks like it isn’t.

GCF Studio

As you enter the building, you are greeted by enthusiastic guards and staff, which motivates you even more for this shoot with them. The interior is minimalist, with the entire first floor being plain white. When you walk through the glass door, the first thing you see is the reception desk. To the right, there are couches and a coffee table where people can wait, and to the left, there's a cafeteria. You walk straight ahead toward the elevator, and one of your assistants presses the button for the third floor.

As the elevator door opened, you were greeted by a hallway with various doors, clearly indicating it's a working area where the shoot takes place. You walk a few steps before entering through double doors, where you find a bustling room filled with people busy at work. It resembles a dressing room but on a larger scale, with various outfits hanging, and several vanity mirrors where people can prepare for their shoot. It's fantastic.

“Good morning Dr. Y/N. Before we proceed with the shoot, I’d like to discuss with you what look you’ll be having for today. You also have full control of what you would like to look at and we’re here to assist you.” You are greeted by a young male with full of feminine energy. He’s tall and petite wearing a white blouse and a sweater that is hanging on his shoulder. He leads the way and you smile before you follow him.

You’ve thought that this photoshoot will only take an hour of your time but you’re wrong because an hour just passed and they were still dressing you up. You didn’t feel uncomfortable because everyone is approachable and enthusiastic. They made you feel that you’re indeed their client.

After an hour and a half of preparation, you finally entered the photoshoot studio, and once again, you found many people inside. You're not entirely sure about each person's specific role here, but everyone is clearly occupied.

But the atmosphere immediately changed when the door swung open. It was chaotic seconds ago and right now, everyone is silent looking at the person who just entered.

You saw a familiar figure. His tall and muscular figure is very familiar to you. He’s wearing a black slacks and a casual long sleeve polo that’s folded up until his elbow where you can clearly see half of his tattoo while his hair is pulled back.

Jeon Jungkook is undeniably handsome and he knows it.

“What’s this chaos? I told you that once I’ve entered the studio, everything should be ready.” His voice was threatening as he spoke with authority. A side of him that you’re not surprised to see.

What surprised you is the fact that he’s inside of the studio.

What is he doing here?

Everyone works silently as if they were being oppressed in their workplace. They were enthusiastic and approachable seconds ago and it all changed when he entered inside.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. It wasn’t obvious how you look surprised to see me here, aren’t you?” Jungkook gave you a boastful smile like he doesn’t look threatening a few moments ago.

A sign of bipolar disorder.

“Welcome to GCF Studio where there is no room for failure.”

You will be working with one of your patients and you’re not even aware of that.

Ethically, there is nothing wrong with working with your patients outside the session but you aren’t fond of that. The idea of working with your patient outside the session doesn’t suit you and particularly with the patient that is in front of you right now.

You haven’t thought of the reason why but you just don’t.

Everything is already set up, and you are now behind the backdrop while Jungkook is holding the camera, ready to capture everything. You're confident in the outcome of this shoot, but at this moment, it feels like everything is crashing down at your feet. Everyone is looking at you with high hopes for the result of this photoshoot, and you wouldn't want to ruin it.

“Smile for me, Y/N.”

—

You don’t know how you manage to end the photoshoot smoothly knowing that Jungkook is making you uncomfortable. You were mad at yourself because you don’t know why you felt that way. He isn’t doing anything but to do his job in taking a photo of you.

Now that you're home, you don't have anything to be distressed about when thinking about what happened during the shoot.

You have to admit that there is something wrong with his words and actions. There are signs that he’s becoming manipulative and a sudden change of mood. He's self-absorbed and lacks remorse for others. You’ve been thinking that there are other diagnoses with his actions and behaviors however, you cannot suddenly show up and tell what other illness he has. You still have to observe your sessions with him.

You have now freshen up and are ready to rest but you decide to visit your office to check your schedule for tomorrow and the following days. You only have one patient for tomorrow and most of your schedules are meetings. Before you log out, you glance at the folder of Jungkook in your patient list and you click it subconsciously.

Jeon Jungkook, 31-year old male who suffers from PTSD, after surviving an extremely traumatic incident.

He witnessed his mother die in front of him and aside from that, he was also shot in his left thighs twice. And it happens in the comfort of their home.

The suspect? A loan shark who’s coming for his mother.

There are a lot of questionable things that happened during the incident and one of them is how come that he always claimed to have a successful business while his mother is buried in debt? He also claimed that he doesn’t know about the debt of his mother. There are several inconsistencies in his story but the bottom line is, the loan shark surrendered and is now in maximum security prison for murdering his mother.

You transfer the recordings you made over the following days to your computer and listen to one of them, specifically the conversations you had with Jungkook.

You have 12 sessions in total with him and you have 5 more sessions left before it finally comes to an end. You don’t count the remaining number of sessions with your patient until now.

—

You love to read books during your free time, However, it most likely does not happen due to your busy schedule. But right now, you take a break from everything and decide to go on a date with yourself. You don’t normally take a break but you’re becoming busier than usual and you don’t want to risk your health because you know that there are a lot of people that need you.

You’re not a fan of going out and you prefer to stay at home and rest but getting out of your comfort zone won’t hurt you. You decided to visit your favorite cafe and do your thing there. You dislike rowdy places, that’s why you went early in the morning where people are still in the comfort of their bed.

You underestimate the morning and how you’re used to people getting up mostly before lunch yet there are people who also like you—waking up at 6 in the morning to get a morning coffee in their favorite cafe.

“Dr. Y/N! You’re here!” You lift your head to see Jeon Jungkook standing in front of you with his bright smile while holding a cup of coffee.

Among all the people you could meet here, you don't understand why it had to be him.

“Jungkook. I didn’t know you’re here.” You try to return the smile and you almost fail when he sits in front of you.

He’s wearing a casual polo shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. Unlike the last time you saw him, every strand of his hair is falling into a harmonious arrangement. It looks so soft and suits him well. He looked effortlessly handsome as usual.

“Just grab a coffee and then, I saw you.” He smiles sweetly before he gazes down at the book you’re reading. “I don’t know why I am surprised that you like reading books even for the fact that you’re an author.”

"I read when I have time," you respond. "How are you?" you add, trying to steer the conversation away from yourself.

“I’m doing amazing. I’m continuing to write in my journal like what you suggest. It does help me a lot, Dr. Y/N.” He takes a sip from his coffee as he gets comfortable in his seat. He’s not leaving any moment now.

“That’s good. Journaling really works.” You just said whatever is in your mind because you’re thinking of an excuse to leave.

“That’s right. But we’re not in the session right now, Doc. We don’t always have to talk about me.” He leans backward as he glances at your book once again. “The four agreements. I’ve read that book before. It’s good. You’re really into self-help books, aren’t you? You like to write and read about them.”

“Yes. It does help me to improve my writing. How about you? I didn’t know that you also read nonfiction books.”

“I started to read because of your books, Doc.” He looks at your eyes filled with tenderness, traced the curves of your face as if he's memorizing it.

He’s been looking at you like that lately as if he wants you to drown with the way he stares. The way he looks at you carries an underlying tone, and truthfully, that's one of the reasons why you've become uncomfortable around him.

“I’m glad that I’ve encouraged you to read books.” You answer while looking at your wrist watch hoping that he understands that you wanted to leave already.

“Your photos from the last time were amazing. Our team has already sent you the soft copy. Did you receive it?” You do but you didn’t tell him.

“I haven’t seen it but I’ll check it out later.” You looked at your wrist watch once again.

“Yeah, you should. They were amazing. You’re stunning as always.” His eyes twinkled but you didn’t notice that.

“I want to thank you and your team for working hard on this shoot. I do appreciate it so much.” you smile and look at your wrist watch for the last time. “I’m afraid that I have to leave you right now. I already have to go home.”

“That fast? We haven’t talked a lot, Doc.” He fixed you with a steadfast gaze and you were caught off-guard. You’re thinking of what to respond but you were out of words. After a few seconds, he chuckles. “I was just kidding, Doc. I know how busy you are and I understand that.”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I apologize, Jungkook. There are a lot of things that I have to do. But I’ll see you on tuesday.”

“You don’t have to apologize because I understand. Yes, I’ll see you on Tuesday, Dr. Y/N.”

—

Tuesday came and you just woke up yet you already wanted to end this day. It’s strange that you haven’t properly started your day but you already feel heavy to move forward. Yesterday was exhausting for all the work you’ve done and you didn’t get home until 10pm, however, it doesn’t justify your heavy feeling right now. You’ve experienced worse so you don’t understand why you feel this way.

As you make your way to the clinic, you receive numerous work-related calls, and you're already feeling tired from answering them. However, you have no choice but to attend to them.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. Your first patient has already arrived. Do you want me to let him wait inside your office or here in the lobby?” The receptionist spoke on the other line.

“You can let him in. I’m almost there.” When the traffic light turns green, you already move. “Is it Mr. Park?” You asked.

“No. It’s Mr. Jeon, Doc.”

Damn. That’s why the morning feels heavy.

As you arrive inside your office, you spot Jungkook in the corner looking at the frames that are standing in the chest drawers. The air conditioner is already on–Soyeon the receptionist must have turned it on. He immediately turned his head towards you when you opened the door and greeted you with his charming smile.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. I thought you'd take longer to arrive because the receptionist already let me in.” He greeted and walked his way towards the sofa–where your patient normally sits.

“I was stuck in the traffic. You know, morning rush hour.” You responded as you placed your things on your office table.

Jungkook is a punctual person. He may arrive early or on time but he is never late. If you count the things that you like about him, you’re counting nothing because that’s the only thing you like about him.

“How are you?” Is the first thing you asked him when you get comfortable with your seat. You press the record button on your phone that's hidden from him.

“Bad. I met my father last night and I wish I didn’t.” He brushed his hair back and slouched on his seat.

It's the first time he mentioned his father at the beginning of a conversation because he never does unless you ask about it. From his descriptions, his father seems like a terrible person. He never fulfilled his role as a father, often creating conflicts with his mother. His family life seems chaotic, and you believe it might be one of the reasons he's become the person he is today.

“Why did you meet him?”

“He just showed up to my house without permission to talk about bullshit. My life is already at peace and he’s ruining it.” His jaw tightened.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your eyes locked into him as you try reading his mind. You know that every patient that walks into your office has different problems in life and they are sometimes hard to predict but this man in front of you is something else. There is something in him that you couldn’t understand.

“No. He’s a waste of time. He’s really… Okay, I’ll talk about him briefly. He’s a horrible person and he doesn’t deserve to be a father to me. I never got to experience the love from a father because the only thing that he gave me is hatred. He always gets drunk and gamble and he cheated with my mom multiple times. I’m not going to be surprised when I find out that I have other siblings from different mothers. He’s the worst person I’ve known.”

You find his explanation vague but you didn’t think much about it and you let him continue.

“Do you have other instances where you see the different side of your father? Something that makes him a person to you?” You asked.

“None. Even during childhood. Especially now that he only wants money from me. He and mother are very similar to each other. Maybe that’s why they end up together. They both pissed me off and even though my mother is not here anymore, I can remember her because of my shitty father.”

You were taken aback with what he just said. He never badmouthed his mother until now. When he discussed his mother, there is nothing else he said rather than how he misses her and how she’s a great mother to him.

But you didn’t say anything about it and let him elaborate what he just said.

“Do you think that your parents do the same thing?” You asked–hoping that he doesn’t suspect your question.

“Yeah. They may be doing it in different ways of being a shitty person but they are the same for being useless parents.” He puts his index finger on his lips and slowly rubs it while resting his elbow on the arm rest, looking at you with intensity.

You’re finding a word to say but you found nothing. You wanted to look away but it would indicate that he caught you off-guard.

You saw a glimpse of his demonic character for a second. His eyes that had once been warm and inviting, now bore into you with an unnerving intensity as if trying to peer into your soul.

He spoke once again and his voice took on a low, whispery, and the words that slipped from his lips sent chills down your spine.

"Maybe that's why she died. Now, I wonder when my father will be next."

—

You're standing on the side of the street embracing the subtle chill in the air as the city lights painted the night with different colors. People are walking by and snippets of hushed conversations drifted on the breeze while the flow of traffic added to the scene with vehicles weaving through the crowd.

You don’t know why Taehyung is taking so long to arrive. You’ve been waiting for him on the sidewalk for 10 minutes already when in fact, he should have been here 30 minutes ago. You’re going to come with him on his event show because he’s been annoying you for the whole week to come with him and for him to stop, you just agreed.

What pisses you off more is that he's running late, and your stomach is growling. You haven't had dinner because Taehyung assured you that he'd swing by the drive-thru to grab something for you to eat.

You're waiting for Taehyung, but someone else showed up in front of you.

“Dr. Y/N, hi!” You met Jeon Jungkook’s eyes with his bright and warm smile. He’s wearing a gray hoodie and skinny jeans that fit him perfectly. You looked in the surroundings of him if he's with someone and it seems that there’s none.

“Hello, Jungkook. You’re heading somewhere?” You gave him a warm smile that hopefully, doesn’t look like it’s forced.

“Yeah. I’m going out for dinner. I was actually in that building,” He pointed out the building behind you and it looked like a law firm office. “I already saw you when I entered there but I didn’t have the chance to greet you because I’m in a hurry and now, you’re still here.” He glances at the road and returns his eyes to you. “You’re waiting for someone?”

“Uhm, yeah. I am.” You looked at your phone to see if Taehyung had a message but there’s none.

“You’ve been here for a couple of minutes already. Are you sure that they are still going to make it here?”

“Yeah. Maybe they—

You were taken aback when your stomach started to growl and heck, it’s so loud that you want the grounds to eat you alive. You were sure that your face was burning red and you couldn’t bear to make eye-contact with him as your gaze fixed elsewhere.

You glance at him as a soft chuckle rumbles in his throat. “I already hate the person that keeps you waiting in hunger. You know what, I’d love to treat you for dinner with me and drive you to your destination afterwards. Or we can just go to a drive-thru.” If he’s someone else, maybe you will consider his offer.

“No, it’s okay Jungkook. You don’t have to do that.” You glance at your phone to pretend that someone messages you. “My friend is already on his way. You can go.”

“Your friend of yours is really something else. What kind of man is he for making you wait for so long on the street with your stomach empty?” His voice took on a sharp edge as his eyebrows knitted together.

“I’m really fine. You don’t have to think about me.” You force a smile as you bite the inside of your cheeks.

“I insist, Dr. Y/N. I really want to treat you for being there for me during my worst days. You help me a lot and I want to get you something to show my appreciation. It’s nothing big and I will be guilty if I just leave you here.”

“I really appreciate your gesture, Jungkook, but I have other plans. Maybe next time?” You smile hoping that he understands that you don’t really want to go with him.

“With the same guy that made you wait in the cold air? Oh come on, Doc. You know better.” He spoke in a pompous tone, as if he proved that Taehyung is a horrible guy.

“You can make up to me some other time. I’m really–

You haven’t finished your sentence when Taehyung’s audi arrives beside you and he instantly gets out to meet your gaze.

“Y/N! I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. The traffic is so heavy.” He didn’t notice Jungkook until he opened the passenger’s seat and slowly glanced beside you. Jungkook released a sarcastic laugh and glared at Taehyung.

“What a surprise that Kim Taehyung–a famous musician and artist let a lady wait in the cold breeze with an empty stomach. I didn’t know that you’re such a gentleman, Taehyung.” He spoke in a mocking tone as Taehyung looked at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“You wouldn’t want to know.” He arched a brow before he returned his gaze to you. “If you really insist on being with this guy, then I’ll leave you already. I just hope that he won’t completely ruin your precious night.” He said before he finally turned around and walked away–placing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. When he’s already out of sight, you turn your head to Taehyung and glare at him.

“What?” You suddenly smack his chest before you hopped in the car.

“Damn you.”

—

It didn't take long before Jungkook was back, sitting on the couch in front of you. You’ve realized that your day always feels heavy every Tuesday of the week and that is whenever you’re going to have a session with him.

You've tried to shake off the discomfort you feel when he's in front of you because you regret thinking of him differently from your other patients, but every time you try, he makes it worse.

“Are you taking your medicines I’ve prescribed you?” You scan his record file that you’re holding.

“Yeah. I consistently take them, Doc.” He responded as he smugly looked at you and before you think of negative thoughts of him, you already returned your gaze back to the folder.

“Are you still having nightmares during your sleep?” He didn’t instantly respond like he’s thinking about the question carefully.

“I do. I still do, Dr. Y/N. But it wasn’t worse, unlike what I have for the last months.”

“Then it’s a good sign. You’re now improving. Are you still thinking about the incident?” You give him a genuine smile while he slowly crosses his legs and places both of his arms on the arm rest.

“Yes, but not as frequently as before. I love my mother so much but I’ve learned to let her go and accept the fate she has. Afterall, it was her fault.” He was looking at the painting that Yunjin had given you as he answered. He doesn’t have much of a reaction but his last sentence caught your attention.

“Why do you think that it’s her fault?” You ask in your soft voice.

“You see, my mother isn’t the perfect mother and she has her mistakes and sometimes, she doesn’t learn from them. She keeps doing the same thing until she has to pay for it and that costs her life.” He responded.

“Do you want to talk about the mistakes that your mother made?” He smiled and played with his lips once again. You’ve noticed that he’s doing that if he finds something funny or there are things that he knows and you don’t.

“But we will take forever if we discuss it right now, Dr. Y/N. But if you’re really interested, we can talk about it over dinner. You promised me last time that you’ll come with me for dinner.” You mentally rolled your eyes with his statement. Here he goes again.

“Not right now. I still have a lot of things to do but we can talk about other things like how great your mother is.” You said and he laughed—as if your statement is absurd. You try to not raise your brows with his action and behavior.

“Let's not talk about that, either.”

You were doing your best to understand his actions and statements but there is something in him that you haven’t seen. Something that will answer everything

“But I will tell you how I see my mother during the incident.” He leaned forward and intertwined his fingers “When my mother is kneeling and begging for her life, I was thinking that ‘damn. It’s really happening, isn't it?’. And when the trigger was pulled, the world stopped. And after a few moments, I felt a sense of relief and before I knew it, I was shot as well.” His voice was soft and light as if he’s confessing something that he should have confessed before.

You felt a shiver down your spine as the creeping horror crawled along your arms, raising goosebumps. You held unflinching eye contact, determined to keep your composure and hide the discomfort and fear you felt.

“Where were you when your mom was being shot?” You asked as you held your breath.

This question is already asked during the investigation. ‘I’m in the living room, 10 feet away from her. When I saw her position and situation, I immediately ran towards her but it was too late because before I even reached her, she was already shot in the chest. It didn’t take 10 seconds of my life before I was shot as well’.

But you still ask him once again. Away from the detectives.

“I was there, I told you.”

“Yes, but in what position?” Your hands are already trembling.

“I was standing,” He took a deep breath before he continued. His next sentence didn’t surprise you because it was something you already expect but trying to deny it to yourself, and it terrifies you, so much that you thought that this may be your last day.

“After I was shot, I collapsed, along with the gun I was holding.”

a/n: I'm almost done with the whole series so I've decided to post the first part. I hope you'll like this new fic because I enjoy writing it! I am open for comments to further improve my works. Have a nice day everyone!

taglist: @iloverubberduckiez-blog @kingofbodyrolls @fangirl-death-rose @looneybleus @softie00

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sumaneun-stars · 10 months

Text

'Save It - 01'

(smut)

next | masterlist

Pairing. boss!Jay x Fem!secretary!reader

Genre. Co-workers to lovers, smut

Warnings. Unprotected sex, neck sucking, making out, over-stimulation

Sypnosis. Jay was the fuckboy in college, such a playboy that he almost ran out of girls to hook up with. But once he inherited his father’s company, he’d changed. 3 years into being a professional CEO and then you walked through those doors, making him fall at first sight. All his plans collapsed once he found out that his rival, Lee Heeseung, was best friends with you ever since. There were many reasons for him to let go of you, including his parents- but his endless love for you said otherwise.

A/n: I thought of something different this time, look forward to the second part!

Your alarm rang for the third time today, so you (half dead) looked at the time- only to find out that you were late… again.

“7:40! Shit I’m late”

You got out of bed and got dressed in a span of 10 minutes. This wasn’t the first time you were late for work and that also meant there were higher chances of you getting fired. You got into the car, forgetting that your toothbrush was in your mouth. Once you arrived you noticed your boss’s car- he was about to get down. You ran in your 2 inch heels and made it just in time to open the door for him.

“Good morning Mr. Park” you smiled, trying not to show that you were panting.

“If you are going to be late and try to hide it, at least run faster Ms. Y/n” he said coldly.

“Yes sir, it won’t happen again” you looked down ashamed and watched him walk inside the building.

“Did you run here?” Your co-worker Mark teasingly said.

“Shut up Mark,” you replied.

“Mhm you definitely overslept,” Mark continued.

“Well what do you expect? The party finished at 2:30 am yesterday!” you complained.

“Damn…how does Mr. Park get up on time?”

“I know right? He's not human” you conclude.

“And you decided to be his secretary… how fun” Mark said as he handed you a cup of coffee.

“Yeah… fun" you sulk, taking the coffee in your hands.

You and Mark hit it off the first time the both of you started working together. You were Jay’s secretary while Mark was his second in command. Mark handled all the business documents and upcoming projects, except he didn’t have to follow Jay around like you did.Your feet hurt and were bleeding due to the wounds you got while running in your heels. You sighed and took a seat next to Mark. You and Mark’s table was outside Mr. Park’s office, he could directly see the both of you outside, which is creepy but most of the time the blinds were closed.

“You okay?” Mark notices you massaging your foot.

“Yeah- no my feet hurt”

“From losing your marathon?” he laughs.

“Can you not?” You laugh along.

Your laughing was interrupted by the beep on your desk telephone.

“Ms. Y/n please come in here, and bring your mobile phone” Jay commands you.

You exchanged looks with Mark on the phone part. You made your way to his office.

“Yes sir”

“Tomorrow we are going to set up a meeting with the Sim corporation. And we are going to stay the night there, I hope I don’t need to-”

“Uhh…what was it after you said 'tomorrow'?” You tried to catch up with him but he was speaking too fast.

“This was why I asked you to bring your phone…to take notes”

“Right...sorry sir” You mumbled and took note.

“Is that all sir?” you asked

“Yes” he said and you take your leave until-

“Please don’t wear heels if you can’t walk in them” he coldly says while sipping coffee.

You stop in your tracks and curse yourself for walking like a clown.

“I’m sorry sir, It won’t happen agai-"

“Again? I hope so" he completed your sentence while looking deeply into your eyes, which made a shiver run down your spine.

The next morning you woke up early to get ready. The weather was boiling hot, it was like you were trapped in an oven. You look at your long sleeve blouses and jackets, it felt like a 100 degrees outside and while everyone could wear short sleeve tops and t-shirts… you couldn’t. You arrive on time and 15 minutes later your boss’s car pulls up in front of you.

“Good morning sir, I apologize for the meeting being canceled”

The meeting with Sim corporation had been canceled by the president himself.

“Don’t apologize for nothing” he said as he straightened his suit.

The entire day was tiring as usual, you doing all the running while Jay sat on his chair the whole time. But for some reason he looked tired and exhausted. The others didn’t notice it but you could. His eyes were screaming sleep.

“Sir, are you tired? Should I take over?" You said as you stood in front of his desk with the documents he asked for.

“No” he replied, eyes glued to the screen of his laptop.

You sigh and make your way to the mini bar in the corner of his office. Latte was always a drink Jay enjoyed so you made one and set it on his table. Jay made no comment about it and that hurt you a little but honestly- you didn’t know what you were expecting.

“God it’s so hot even though it’s almost night!” you said to mark.

“I know right! But what are you complaining about, Miss Long-sleeve?” He teased you.

“Because I don't want to show my beautiful skin to you" you snapped back.

Mark made a noise of fake vomiting and the both of you laughed uncontrollably.

Jay was observing the both of you from his office, curious about what made you laugh. Were you and Mark dating? Why were you laughing like that?

“But seriously, why do you always wear long sleeved clothes? If you want a boyfriend you need skin to seduce” Mark says.

“I don’t feel comfortable... besides, I have no time for dating” you replied.

“Honestly man you should take a break, you're the only person who hasn’t yet used their paid leave” Mark says

“Yeah… I think I should-"

“Ms. Y/n in my office”

“Yes sir” Mark gives you a sad smile as you get up and walk towards the office.

“Call the driver" He ordered and you took your phone out to call the driver.

“We are invited to a business party tomorrow night, prepare the necessary”

“'We' as in, you and me?” You asked, confused.

“Is there anyone else here?” he looked at you with dark eyes.

“Yes sir- I mean no sir" you stuttered.

Jay got up from his chair and made his way over towards you in a threateningly slow pace, hands in his pockets as he looked straight into your eyes.

“Do I make you nervous, Ms. Y/n?” He said, only inches away from your lips.

“N- no sir” You gulp at the close proximity.

“I don’t?” he raises his eyebrow and looks at you dead in the eyes.

“Y- yes sir,” you stuttered in loss of air.

He scoffed. His breath hitting your lips, making you feel an unknown stir in your stomach.

“I hope you won’t be late tomorrow night”

With that you watch him leave the office, still in shock. Your boss had never gotten this close to you before- but why did you find it attractive? You snapped out of it, groaning in frustration about the party tomorrow.

You were annoyed about having to work even on a saturday. You set the bag of makeup on the bed and make your way to the bathroom. While facing the mirror, you slowly undress yourself, revealing the horrible burnt scars that sat beautifully on your body. One on your left breast cutting across your nipple, another on your inner thighs, on your arms and shoulders but the biggest one on your lower stomach. You feel nine years old again, being abused by your parents' dealers. The scars were old but from time to time you scratched them and they bled slightly.

But the worst feeling is when you get your periods. The scars on your stomach hurt like hell, like the feeling of your skin and stomach being torn apart. You wiped the tear that fell from your cheek and got into the cold shower. After drying up you apply foundation on your scars to hide them. This is the first time you were going to wear a sleeveless dress. You got ready and wore your long coat over your dress, ready for the night.

Jay got into the car and noticed you wearing a long coat, he was curious about your clothes… and what was underneath them. He always found something eccentric about you, ever since you came to the interview with a broken heel yet you looked confident- he admired that but he always drew the line between desire and work. He hated himself for that.

“I want you to convince Mr. Park Sunghoon to collaborate with us in our upcoming project”

You looked at him in admiration, he wanted something and he got it, that amazed you.

“Talk about the project and bring him in?”

“Yes sir” you were happy that he trusted you to do the job. You weren’t going to disappoint him this time.

The both of you enter the hall together, you watch everyone crowd around THE Mr. Park Jongseong. If you want to survive in the business world you need to get on to Jay’s good side. They swarmed around him like flies. You- on the other hand, was still wearing your coat.

“Should I take your coat, miss?” The waiter asked.

“Yeah” you said as you slowly revealed your dress. The sudden silence made you look up to find multiple sets of eyes looking your way. You were the center of attention now. Your eyes met Jay’s and you almost came undone. His eyes were on you like a hawk… undressing you. They looked so-

Hungry. That's what Jay felt when he saw you. You wore a red sleeveless dress that had a slit in between your chest that stopped at the base of your stomach, exposing the inner corners of your breasts. There was a slit starting from your knee, revealing your upper thigh. You looked like a meal to him, and the many other men who had their eyes on you. This was the first time Jay saw you wearing something this revealing and he hated that you dressed up for the event and not for him. Jay snapped out of his thoughts when he heard the inappropriate talks about you.

“Introduce yourself” Jay voices over the ‘talks’.

“Oh- right. Hello everyone, I’m the secretary of Mr. Park Jongseong at Park industries”

You felt dizzy. Your head spun a little as you shook hands with everyone. Suddenly you felt a hand gripping your waist.

“Let’s go out”

You were being pulled forward until you could breathe again. Jay took you to the balcony and passed you a napkin to clean your sweat.

“Thank you sir” you said gratefully.

“I expected you to charm Sunghoon, not everyone in the room,” Jay said dryly.

“I’m sorry sir” You disappointed him, you went overboard.

Jay noticed your expression and felt guilty.

"I don't blame you for dressing well, but them for looking at you"

Jay turns to look at you and is caught off guard by your sudden hug.

“Thank you sir!” You said while hugging him. Suddenly aware of your action- you pulled away slowly. Your eyes meet his and the both of you froze in the moment.

“I’m sorry sir-” you said, looking down.

Jay cleared his throat and looked at you… 'cute'.

“Don’t forget your task, I won’t tolerate any more mistakes,” he said calmly.

The both of you walked together to the party in silence. You looked around for Mr. Park Sunghoon until-

“Well well Mr. Park, fancy seeing you here”

“Mr. Lee" Jay said coldly.

You turned to that name and that voice, your heart skipped a beat to the person now in front of you.

“You remember my name Mr. Ja- wait… Y/n? What the hell?" Heeseung said as he looked at you.

“Oh my god Heeseung! What on earth?” You said as you accepted the hug he threw your way.

“Are you back for good?” You excitedly asked

“Yeah Yeah I am… You look beautiful Y/n, better than before” He said with a smile.

“You too… I’ve missed you'' you wanted to cry, your first crush was right in front of you after 6 years.

“You have no idea how much I thought about you," Heeseung said with a wholehearted smile.

You heard Jay clearing his throat next to you.

”Yes sir” You asked.

“Sir? You work for him?" Heeseung said, shocked.

“Is that a problem, Mr. Lee?" Jay smirks.

Heeseung scoffs at Jay's words.

“Do you know each other?” You asked, confused.

“This is Heeseung from the Lee corporations,” Jay says with ice in his voice.

Oh god, this was the 'Lee’ Jay was talking about, He’s Jay's foe.

“How do you know Mr. Lee?” Jay’s eyes were on you and a shiver ran down your spine.

“We- Um… We were friends in college”

“Friends?” Heeseung smirks at you.

“Mhm.. friends. The best of friends” You smirk back at him.

Jay didn’t like the way you said ‘friends’. There was something more than a ‘friendship’ that you two shared, and he didn't like it at all.

“Ms. Y/n-” He was interrupted by a man and was dragged away from you.

You spent the entire night with Heeseung, catching up on each other's past, not knowing that someone was watching the both of you from across the room. Jay looked at you laughing at all Heeseung’s jokes and talks. He was mad at you. How could you leave him and go to Heeseung? Was he that good looking? His style of clothing was not as good as Jay’s, he knew that for a fact.

You laughed at Heeseung’s joke and both of you smiled at each other.

“I’ve missed this” Heeseung said, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Me too” you agree.

“Y/n…” He says slowly.

You hum in response.

“Work for me” He proposed.

“What?"

“Come work for me… are you truly happy working for Jay?” Heeseung took your hand in his.

“I-" you looked over and found Jay’s dark eyes meeting yours. His eyes clearly stated that it was time to leave.

“I- I have to go, Hee” You looked at him

“I’m not forcing you Y/n… good night” the both of you part ways after a hug.

Jay walked forward without you and stopped outside the entrance. You took out your phone and called the driver.

“I already called him" Jay stated, now irritated.

Oh no, he's angry. But why? Did you do something wrong?

Jay didn’t let you open the door for him either, now you started to panic. Was it Heeseung? Or your dress? Jay’s house came into view and the car stopped at the entrance.

“Good nigh-”

“Come inside, You can go home Mr. Kang” Jay’s voice scared you, it was cold and dry. You knew you were in trouble. He invited you inside but why did he tell the driver to leave?

You followed behind Jay into his mansion. It was huge and grand, and the interior was beautiful.

Jay found it cute how you were drawn to his house, but he called you in for another reason.

“In here” He walks upstairs into a room… his bedroom.

You entered the room and your jaw dropped. It was the size of your apartment. You watched as Jay removed his jacket and loosened his tie, the buttons of his shirt unbuttoned until the 3rd button, revealing his chest. He looked furious- and that scared you. You did not want to get fired.

“Sir, I’m sorry” You apologized without a reason

“What are you exactly sorry for, Ms. Y/n?” He asked calmly but deadly.

“I-”

“Did you speak to Mr. Park Sunghoon?” He asked.

Then it clicked, you were assigned something and you didn’t accomplish it. You quickly made a plan in your head to call Sunghoon tomorrow and try to convince him. You spent the entire night with Heeseung, so you forgot about Jay’s request.

"Yes sir, I spoke to him” you lied through your teeth.

“Really? What did he say? Was he interested?” Jay asked, pretending to be surprised- but looking at you dead in the eyes.

“W- well he s- said he’ll think about it” You wanted to cry, you never lied to jay and this felt like hell.

“Hmm... You know y/n, I actually met Sunghoon’s secretary" He made his way towards you, making you gulp in fear.

“And he said that Sunghoon couldn’t make it to the party” Jay’s face was now dangerously close to yours.

“Sir- I’m s- sor-"

“Save it” He said as he walked away.

Jay watched you wiping your tears and getting into the cab from his balcony. He regretted scolding you and scaring you like that, but when you lied he got angry, and- hurt. He hated when people lied to him, and he hated how Heeseung could make you laugh but Jay only made you cry.

You thought of him as a boss… nothing more. Jealousy and hurt, that's what he was feeling.

Tears ran down your cheeks. You disappointed him. You're nothing but a disappointment. Why did you have to lie like that? This was the first party you actually enjoyed and now it’s ruined. Your thoughts were interrupted by your phone beeping.

“Hey!” It was a text from Heeseung.

You replied back with a ‘Hey’

‘It was nice meeting you tonight, I don’t want it to end’ he texts with a crying emoji.

You text back with a laughing emoji.

Heeseung sends you his location with a text saying-

“Wanna come over?”

— — — — — — — — — — — —

Heeseung aggressively made you sit on his lap, as you ran your fingers through his hair. His lips latch on to yours, kissing you like a starved animal. His hands get to work by undressing you. He grabbed your ass, making you moan in pleasure.

“You like that?” He smirked against your swollen lips.

You removed his clothes and sucked on his neck, the both of you now a moaning mess. Heeseung carried you and bent you over a table, and without a warning, he pushed his tip inside.

“All this wetness for me?” he bends you over and speaks into your right ear.

“Ah- deeper Hee, go deeper” you moaned desperately.

“So needy for me" he kissed your ear.

Heeseung forced his entire length in to your cunt and starts fucking you at the speed of light. He holds both your hands in place making you cum before him.

“Oh my- Oh my god Heesung!” you scream in pleasure.

“Fuck- your so tight, give me another one” He said as he picked up his pace once more.

“I’m going to breed you good Y/n" Heeseung whispered in your ear.

The both of you moan hysterically as Heeseung emptied his hot liquids into you. He helped you up and made you sit on the table, leaning in to kiss your lips.

“Ready for round two?” he smirked.

You moved a strand of his sweaty hair off his eyes, leaning in closer.

“Yes sir” you let out.

Jay shot up out of bed. This was his first wet dream- but it was of you and Heeseung. Jay wanted to punch Heeseung in the face. Out of pure rage he threw his pillow to the floor and screamed into the sheets of his bed.

#enha x reader #enha scenarios #enha fluff #enhypen #enhypen oneshots #enhypen drabbles #oneshot #enhypen jay #jay scenarios #jay fluff #jay imagines #jay smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enha smut #enhypen smut #enhypen scenarios #enha

805 notes · View notes

jtl-fics · 1 year

Text

Master post for Fluent Freshman AU

Here is where you can find every installment of the Fluent Freshman AU since it’s getting a lot longer than I intended considering it was mostly a one off goof post that got some legs in my brain.

Fluent Freshman Extras Masterpost:

HERE

Fluent Freshman Final Draft:

Ao3 Link

Also please note that this story is a rough draft. I am thinking about posting a cleaned up version on Ao3 someday.

Part 01 - “Bunny” “Darling”

Part 02 - “Never have I ever...”

Part 03 - “Hey wanna learn how to use a knife?”

Part 04 - “Oh, I kept some Pepto behind the counter for you.”

Part 05 - “We’re taking a drive.”

Part 06 - “Are we still going on that drive?”

Part 07 - “Sure”

Part 08 - “Those pies look good.”

Part 09 - “We have plans for that whipped cream tonight”

Part 10 - “You can just shove them off.”

Part 11 - “It won’t happen again.”

Part 12 - “You were shopping??”

Part 13 - “That sounds like what someone who wants to lick the spoon would say.”

Part 14 - “Pull out the brownies and go back to sleep Smith.”

Part 15 - “Alright, let’s go to Eden’s!”

Part 16 - “Surprise Me.”

Part 17 - “Acceptable. You know the rules.” Part 18 - “Just enjoy your drink Smith” Part 19 - “What’s your name by the way? Sorry I missed it.“ Part 20 - “I am Miss Congeniality!” Part 21 - “Well, that’s about what I expected.“ Part 22 - “I don’t like that you hid it from me.” Part 23 - “Classified” Part 24 - “Nicky, just calm down!” Part 25 - “Amateurs” Part 26 - “How’s he doing?” Part 27 - “Well then translate for us.” Part 28 - “Captain Neil said you wanted to talk to me.” Part 29 - “He still calls you Captain Neil.” Part 30 - “I don’t even know if they have dental.” Part 31 - “Just me?” Part 32 - “Are you lost?” Part 33 - “Does Kevin Know?”

Part 34 - “What an asshole.”

Part 35 - “You said this was phase one?!”

Part 36 - “Where. Is. My. Car?”

Part 37 - “You don’t...care?”

Part 38 - “Nice Catch”

Part 39 - “We’ll figure something out”

Part 40 - “You look better in orange anyways.”

Part 41 - “No, thank you.”

Part 42 - “Let’s get out of here.”

Part 43 - “I don’t even need this degree.”

Part 44 - “I bet it is.”

Part 45 - “I promise to not make fun of you."

Offline Doc: HERE

#Fluent Freshman AU #Masterpost #AFTG #AFTG AU

815 notes · View notes

jiminjamms · 4 months

Text

sex therapy :: 27. missed me?

chapter tags/warnings: manipulative! naoya. therapist! toji. a very broken marriage (cont.). heavy angst but i am still not gege. infidelity/adultery. corruption. family drama.

word count: 3.0k

notes: i hope everyone has been swell! sending hugs to every corner of the world, and i hope my writing can be your little break from reality. i have also added more chapters to the fic since i cannot wrap up the story in the next few chapters, ha. enjoy! likes, comments, and reblogs are much appreciated. xoxo

fic masterlist | 01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24. 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 30. 31. 32. 33.

12:33 PM Toji called 12:33 PM He told me that my daughter collapsed in front of the twins? 12:34 PM And you got into a fight with her? 12:34 PM How did that happen? 12:34 PM Are you with her right now? 12:37 PM Answer me please, I need to make sure she’s fine (Missed Call) 12:38 PM Can you phone me back asap? Thx 12:38 PM I’m still in the office right now, wrapped up the weekly meeting with the operating committee 01:01 PM Hello? 01:01 PM Hey, are you there? (Missed Call) 01:12 PM Toji called again, he gave me a rundown, and I have to say… 01:12 PM I’m very, very disappointed in you

Perhaps the better word would be terrified, but Naoya was truly and genuinely astounded.

How the fuck did this happen?

Naoya could feel his breathing grow shallow and his body turn cold as he read through each message from his Chief Operating Officer once, twice, three times. For a while, he stared at his chat history, his shaking thumb hovering over the screen while his mind went blank.

What started as an argument between just you and him now had your father involved. Not only your father, though—but also Mai, Maki, and now Toji?! How bothersome. Of course, you had to drag everyone into this! The world always had to revolve around you.

Naoya could not think straight as his chauffeur sped him back to the office from Mari’s apartment later that day. Even when he returned to his CEO suite, he could hardly focus on his conversations with department heads or strategy discussions with the Board when Daisuke L/N’s messages haunted him like an omnipresent and malevolent spirit.

‘I’m very, very disappointed in you.’

Goddamnit!

Naoya did not miss how your father was absent from the afternoon’s meetings either (although he was not stupid enough to point that out aloud at work when Naoya himself was involved in why), nor did he miss his own father’s narrowed gaze which seemingly lingered on him longer than usual.

Oh goodness, did he know, too?

No, he couldn’t have. Otherwise, Naobito Zenin would have pulled him to the side by now and given him a long and stern lecture.

Yet, when the early evening arrived, Naoya ultimately decided he must talk to you directly.

Not because he actually cared about your well-being. (Ha, as if.) But because he needed to quash the possibility that the rest of his family, particularly his Board Chairman father, could get a whiff of his quarrel with you before all hell broke loose.

Moments like these warranted him to push aside his dignity before things could worsen.

His greatest fear would be for this recent argument to become a domino effect, as the downfall in this marriage would certainly place him in hot water.

With that, the current Zenin CEO then tapped his phone for your contact.

He needed to check up on you but ended up in voicemail.

So, he dialed once more.

Voicemail.

Again.

Why were you not picking up his calls?

You always found a way to irk him with how ungrateful you could be. Sure, there was no secret that you hated him. He would admit he was rude, belittling, and patronizing, treating you like a trophy to tote around, a doll to splay at his will, and a woman who needed to learn her place. He knew this and you knew this, because he exclusively tolerated this marriage as a means to accelerate his life.

Despite everything, he made sure his wife was well-fed and looked after, only for you to throw a tantrum and now get his extended family involved? Ludicrous. Why not focus on the good things about him? Could you not see how he had attempted to reach you at least thirty times throughout the day? (His ultimate reason admittedly was selfish, but that’s not the point.)

Anywho, since when did you think that ignoring him was acceptable?

In a frustrated fit, Naoya tossed his phone into his desk’s paper heap and huffed.

To set things straight, he had made many sacrifices in his life to get to his seat today, like how—back in the day—he had to watch TV anchors praise his older cousin while sipping champagne in the Maldives with…whatever girlfriend he had been with at the time. Life had been hard, but he at last had everything he should’ve been entitled to since birth. This position, this family, and this company belonged to him, regardless of what stupid fucking traditions dictated.

Unsurprisingly, when Naoya took the helm, everyone scrutinized him. Sure, he might have lacked in a few (or, more accurately, a lot of…) regards since he hadn’t been built into the position the way Toji Zenin had been, but having you as his wife made him look good in family conversations and public discourse.

He just needed a little more time to get people to trust him. Then, once all the pieces clicked into place, he resolved to toss this marriage to the side.

That ‘time,’ he hoped, would be soon.

For now, he just needed to keep you for as long as he sought fit.

Buzz.

Well, speak of the devil.

You must finally be returning his call.

The sky had gone dark in the windows behind him now, but Naoya practically leaped from his seat, scrambling and shoving papers aside to find his phone buried beneath several printed reports. He hated how his hands quivered as he held the device, not that he could control himself at this point, and he snapped the moment he swiped at his screen.

“Where the hell are you?” Naoya hissed, clipped and impatient.

He did not get an immediate response, which infuriated him even more since he taught you to acknowledge him on the phone.

But then, he learned why.

Because instead, Naoya heard a low and harrowing chuckle.

“I guess you missed me, kid.”

The end to a marriage, for obvious reasons, would never be as glamorous as the start to one.

Many would dream for years about a wedding, but far fewer would think the same about a separation.

‘I'm going to file for a divorce.’

Admittedly, you were nervous when you announced the decision aloud in a crowded room for many eyes to see and ears to hear.

After all, even if you recognized the need for a change in your matrimony, you feared the consequences. You didn't want to cause your families to grow apart or your fathers to resent you. In addition, Naoya had been such a dominating fixture in your life these past few months, and he had led you to believe your days without him would be meaningless.

However, no longer could you set aside your emotions for his sake, nor would you expend extensive effort to salvage your marriage for other’s desires. Your sole purpose henceforth was to live a satisfied life without sacrificing more than what you already have for a husband who hardly look your way.

As a result, when you acknowledged divorce as the best possible solution to your demise, you were grateful for the emotional support and relieved faces from your worried father, the younger teenagers, and your trusted therapists.

Especially Toji.

“Come with me,” the very man ordered once you stepped into his apartment’s corridor with him.

Everyone else had been brought down to the apartment’s lower level after the earlier discussion in the master bedroom, with Megumi forced to take on the role as host in his father’s absence. The younger Fushiguro might be aloof and sometimes awkward, but word had gotten around that he was a good chef with his aunts nagging at him to prepare dinner.

“C’mon, don’t you want to show us what recipes you have learned on TikTok?”

“...No, not really. Can we just order KFC?”

The other conversation that drifted upward was between your father and the other three therapists, which made sense given that they all used to be colleagues back when Toji had been the CEO.

There was laughter, chatter, and the entire brouhaha brought ease to your nervous heart.

“Ladies first,” Toji said at some point after you had trailed behind him. He had taken you several meters ahead, opening the door to invite you inside. “This is my home office.”

You did not yet see the point in him doing a House Tour 2.0, but you walked in upon his gesture anyway. The hardwood floor beneath you felt warm, your body heating up slightly despite the coolness in the air.

Toji kept his office space as tidy as the rest of his abode. He had a white leather couch situated by the doorway and a workspace configuration to the side with desk lamps, an expensive chair, and a dual monitor setup.

Above his screens, Toji probably had fifteen accolades in cherry wood frames, each to showcase his achievements as countless magazines named him the best leader, the top executive, and the most promising innovator.

What caught your attention, however, was the wall beside his workstation.

There was a corkboard.

At first glance, the tacked-on magazine cutouts and photograph snippings seemed like a messy litter on the brown surface, but thin red strings—which made this look like a detective movie prop—connected one piece to another and suggested an order to the chaos.

“What is this?” you asked, a question not directed to anyone in particular as you neared the corkboard without waiting for Toji’s permission.

Upon closer distance, the vague letterings and images became clear.

The newspaper cover story fastened at the very center read in big bold print: “Zenin Corporation Announces New CEO.”

As the realization dawned that this was what Toji meant to show you, the man’s measured footsteps came up from behind you. He stopped at your side, watching how you inspected each element on the corkboard as though his room was your laboratory and he was your professor.

“The World Economic Forum estimates that more than 5% of global GDP is lost to corruption around the world each year,” he began, crossing his thick arms firmly over his chest. “Many articles you see here had been published online only to be taken down not even a few hours later. I suspect that Naoya this year alone has spent hundreds of thousands, if not millions, bribing the Japanese media to curate the public image he needs.” He then pointed around. “Look for yourself.”

You would have called Toji out for being a total creep if the objective of this collection had not been obvious. With scarlet threads weaving together to reveal an elaborate web of deceit, Toji had been curating an exposé.

There was one photo from your wedding day. Standing at the altar with Naoya, you looked so happy and blissful back then, the vibrant bouquet in your hands a colorful contrast against the pristine white of your Vera Wang wedding gown, your face radiant with a smile oblivious to the heartache that would come.

This publication, you have seen before.

What you did not recognize, however, were the articles dated from nearly a year ago, well before your wedding day, with even more printed five months ago, two months ago, one week ago…

…and reading the titles made you feel sick.

Japanese Hotshot Shares Intimate Kisses with Rumored Girlfriend Photos Reveal Recently Married Executive’s Secret Affair? Exclusive: Zenin Corporation CEO Spotted in Mexico with Alleged Lover

The accompanying pictures had the same two subjects in plain clothes and baseball caps, showing off little skin to reveal their identities to prying busybodies. Yet, upon an immediate glance, you recognized Naoya Zenin as the taller figure and assumed his very precious ladyfriend must be the other.

Photographers had snapped the two embracing each other in a cab’s backseat, sharing a secret kiss after a luxury mall date, and holding hands while stepping into a private plane.

All to say, you were revolted.

The more you mulled on these printouts, the more you could feel visceral disgust build in your chest.

To think you once contemplated saving a marriage with a man like that. Whatever his plan was for him and this woman, did he intend to make you a side character to their romance until the day you would die?

Your gaze darted around, and the photo with the most unobstructed view of their faces placed you on pause.

All of a sudden, a hard lump formed in your throat because, Holy shit, she’s…stunning.

Seeing the woman who your husband had had his sights on immediately unlocked a whole new level of insecurities within you.

No wonder Naoya could not bring himself to be married to you when he had her.

The woman was exquisite, to say the least. Despite the picture’s poor quality, you noticed her bright elegant face, plump pink lips, and long full lashes—precisely the characteristics that would turn heads in a crowded room. In fact, you secretly wished that you possessed her overflowing pulchritude as well.

If she was an angel from your point of view, she must also be in Naoya’s eyes all the more.

You gingerly drew a circle around her with a finger.

“Is she his mistress?”

Why did you even ask that? You already knew the answer. But, you wanted to confirm the facts rather than satisfy your curiosity.

Meanwhile, Toji ran his index finger very slowly over his lower lip.

He answered a while later.

“Yes.” As you had expected. Then, he added, “But she’s also my ex-wife.”

What—

Your jaw dropped to the trenches.

If you thought tonight had been filled with enough revelations, this one really sealed the deal.

His…ex-wife?!

Unlike the man before you, hiding your deepest emotions had never been your forte. Instead, you had gone stiff as your mind reeled in shock.

“She’s…Tsumiki’s mom,” you said quietly at the realization.

Yes, you have heard a lot about her. However, to make the connection between the lady in the picture and the woman who owned currently Naoya’s (and previously Toji’s) devotion stirred awake a thousand emotions.

Anger. Bitterness. Resentment.

Megumi had told you plenty about her before.

‘Treated me like a bag of shit, spent all my dad’s money on her shopping sprees every weekend, and even neglected her own daughter—my stepsister.’

Her pretty face could only go so far in disguising her dark heart.

With this understanding, you finally grasped Toji’s bitterness when he first met you. How fickle fate had been to him. Comical, even! For his younger cousin to take his succession rights to the clan, his executive position in the company, and—to top everything off—his wife from his family. Only for you (of all eight billion people in the world) to show up at Toji Fushiguro’s office asking for sex therapy?

Now, you comprehended why Toji and Naoya despised each other.

In addition, you understood why Toji and his colleagues had been suspicious of you. Trust takes time to build yet a moment to shatter, and all of them have had this trust broken before. By Naoya, yes.

But also, by her.

“What’s her name?” you had to ask, ignoring the searing ache in your heart.

Your therapist, on the other hand, tried to play off his vexation by shoving his hands into his front pockets.

“Mari,” and also, “She still uses my last name.”

Wow.

The audacity that some people in the world have.

“Here let me help.”

“Hm?”

At first, you did not quite get what Toji was referring to until he started tearing the magazine photos and newspaper stories.

Wordlessly, you gawked at him, both in confusion and astonishment.

“Why—”

Before you could complete the thought, Toji had placed everything into a neat stack and thrust the pile into your hands. “There,” he said with finality. “If you are to file for a divorce, take these to Naoya. See what the bastard has to say. Staying with him any longer would be a fatal flaw.”

Toji had never seen a single interaction between you and his cousin in person, yet he could confidently say your husband was the hamartia in your life. Perhaps the signs had always been obvious. Or perhaps, his recent experience in a toxic marriage allowed Toji to notice the red flags in yours from miles away.

“If you give him too much time, he’ll come up with his offenses,” he went on. “We don’t need to outfight him, though. We simply need to outthink him.”

Something about Toji’s emerald eyes gleamed in a way you had not seen before.

It was a different side to him, one where he planned and strategized, a flickering core of the businessman he used to be.

“Hi.”

You and Toji froze at the sound.

Megumi’s voice had startled you two as the boy peered in from the hallway, waving a phone in his hand—your phone. “Sorry to interrupt but, uh, he called again.”

Interestingly enough, Megumi did not need to explicitly mention a name for you all to know who he referred to. As your screen flickered on, you noticed the numerous missed calls and text messages that had flooded your notifications, all from one particular culprit, no doubt.

Instead of embarrassment, your body surged with aggravation at how your husband suddenly seemed desperate to know your whereabouts.

So now he cared, huh?

Before you could retrace your steps towards the door, however, Toji had already done so. He retrieved the device from his son’s hands and started dialing a number from your phone.

You tried to stop him. “Hey, what are you—”

But Toji dismissed you, pressing your phone to his ear as the call began to ring, and his lips curled into a wicked grin when the other line must have picked up.

“I guess you missed me, kid.”

last chapter || next chapter

end notes: I am excited to show the interaction between Toji and Naoya—I have been thinking about their conversation for a long time! This chapter is less of a whirlwind and more of a setup for the rest to come. Thank you for your support!

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clockwayswrites · 11 months

Text

This is why Moku and I are dangerous to each other:

clockways — Today at 2:01 AM

OKAY Danny/Tim where Danny is either ghost king or working for Clockwork or playing Reaper or something showing up to talk to Tim like "MY DUDE, you have got to stop killing so many people, even if it's in the name of good, esp when they're surrounded by rancid ectoplasm"

And this is now the Bats learn about Tim's LOA kill count

Mokulule — Today at 2:12 AM

Heheheh oh yesss

Does Danny show up in the middle of like a supposedly secure location in the middle of a mission?

Like “dude please, I do not need the assassin influx, you have any idea of the trouble you caused killing so many at once?”

Mokulule — Today at 2:19 AM

I’m kinda imagining these new ghosts still following Ra’s Al Ghul fanatically unless Danny can somehow get them rehabilitated and imagine if they found their way to the living world?! Do you want that madman to have a ghost army?

clockways — Today at 2:19 AM

I think a mission or right in the middle of the cave, yeah

and totally, like the pit waters have a Not Good effect on the ghosts so they're even more off than normal I think

Mokulule — Today at 2:22 AM

Okay but I am liking the implication here that Tim has been having this ongoing crusade against Ra’s in the background of everything where he keeps blowing up LOA bases and somehow managing to keep it secret

Here B thought Ra’s was his nemesis, turns out attention had shifted to Tim years ago

clockways — Today at 2:25 AM

Yes, Tim is 100% the Detective now and Ra's keeps being a creepy obsessed mo-fo and Tim just keeps finding ways to blow shit up. if it started at 17 could say Tim is 20, 21 now so they've been at it three years or so

Mokulule — Today at 2:26 AM

And like Danny has had enough, there’s so many of them they have their own realm in the realms and are stirring up trouble trying to find ways back into the living world

clockways — Today at 2:27 AM

Yeeeees They're basically segregated into a specific area of the realms and are still causing shit

Mokulule — Today at 2:28 AM

Maybe they even have their own pseudo pit from gathering rancid ectoplasm and it’s messing up the ecosystem and they’re hurting the blobs that would otherwise be cleaning that shit up

And the pseudo pit is definitely not helping their mental stability

Just trash assassin baby ghosts

clockways — Today at 2:29 AM

LOL Blob ghost sucker fish! yes xD

Mokulule — Today at 2:29 AM

They need rehabilitation and a bath and like it��s really not helping that Tim keeps sending more

clockways — Today at 2:30 AM

Every time Danny starts to get a handle on it BAM more assassins and more bad juice

And then Danny has to ramp up the blob ghost breeding again

Mokulule — Today at 2:31 AM

Yeah and he can only handle a couple at a time and he also has to make sure they don’t go back once he’s gotten them out and it’s just a mess

clockways — Today at 2:31 AM

OKAY OKAY WAIT. Danny makes an appointment with Tim as Wayne CEO

Shows up in his human guise with Tim as just Tim which sets up all sorts of alarms

Mokulule — Today at 2:32 AM

Ahahahaha yesss this is like a corporate problem 😂

clockways — Today at 2:32 AM

How is this normal seeming dude associated with the LOA?? What does he know about Tim??? Who is he???

Dany is just :) Look at me, using the proper channels!

Mokulule — Today at 2:32 AM

Danny is trying to go about this the right way official like

🤝

clockways — Today at 2:32 AM

🤝

Mokulule — Today at 2:33 AM

😂 everyone is very suspicious of Danny Fenton

clockways — Today at 2:34 AM

It doesn't help that he has officially been missing in the living realm since he graduated high sch9ool

(someone ((lancer)) finally noticed and reported him)

Mokulule — Today at 2:34 AM

Oh yeah even more suspicious for potential LOA connection

The fact that it was an old teacher and not his parents reporting him missing despite having graduated high school is also concerning

clockways — Today at 2:37 AM

mmmmy hum just all these red flags and it's very frustrating for the whole batfam.

Mokulule — Today at 2:38 AM

And like the guy looks like Danny Fenton, but is he really? He’s somehow very careful about not leaving prints and DNA where he goes, they’ve not been able to get any surefire confirmation this is indeed Danny Fenton

clockways — Today at 2:38 AM

AND THEN there is a gala that Ra's also shows up to... as does Danny. Just... to keep an eye on things. (He's worried about ghost assassins.)

But Tim sees Danny out of the corner of his eye and !!!

(Danny just went intangible through the wall, he's totally not on the guest list)

Mokulule — Today at 2:40 AM

Oh yes, he’s dressed up well enough, he’s had to learn that as a king and fits in just fine

clockways — Today at 2:42 AM

Tim can't help but recognize that Danny is handsome.

Mokulule — Today at 2:43 AM

Tim thinking he’s got two enemies at the gala now - has Tim told the other bats about Danny or is he hiding that? Cause then Tim might think the others have Ra’s handled so he has to handle Danny- and yeah okay he is very handsome, now that he’s not busy internally freaking out over what he knows (which he was at the first meeting)

clockways — Today at 2:45 AM

Depends how much the Bats know about Ra's interest in Tim. If they're aware at all, he's told them I think since Danny know is a threat to them all. 🤔

But I do still see him handling Danny either way since Danny hasn't met the family- keep things separate until there is no doubt.

Mokulule — Today at 2:46 AM

Okay but Clock, has Danny in his attempt at going through proper channels and requesting a meeting completely forgotten to mention the word ghost since he thought that was implied when he said the dead assassins were a problem for him?

clockways — Today at 2:47 AM

100%

He is still a disaster at explaining things

And look Tim is damn cute, Danny was a little flustered.

Mokulule — Today at 2:48 AM

So when Tim asks him what he’s doing there at the gala and he tells him that he’s keeping an eye out for assassins - Tim maybe takes that as a threat - like Tim thinks they’re playing 5D mental chess here, but Danny is a disaster and is not even playing chess

clockways — Today at 2:49 AM

!! OH Added bonus, Danny's etiquette training is all be like Dorathea and Pandora and etc, so he has a rather unusual speach pattern in King Mode which makes him seem that maybe common english isn't his first language but if he is Danny Fenton that doesn't track....

Mokulule — Today at 2:50 AM

Oh yesss good

clockways — Today at 2:50 AM

They have to end up on the dance floor, of course.

Mokulule — Today at 2:50 AM

Of course

Obligatory

clockways — Today at 2:51 AM

Danny is just all :) I'm putting my training to use! This is going so well!

Tim >:| What is this man playing at...

Mokulule — Today at 2:51 AM

Yes XD

clockways — Today at 2:52 AM

Ra's takes an instant hatred to Danny because he is Taking Tim's Attention!

Mokulule — Today at 2:52 AM

Eventual reveal is going to be hilarious

clockways — Today at 2:52 AM

Which makes Tim think that Ra's and Danny are old enemies

Mokulule — Today at 2:52 AM

Oh yess hahaha Ra’s now trying to have Danny killed

Now Danny is having to deal with both living and dead assassins he is not amused, but if he gets them away from Ra’s in the living world that will help some problems down the line. Just every assassin Ra’s sends disappears and no bodies turn up

clockways — Today at 2:55 AM

It's driving both Tim and Ra's mad

Things maybe come to a head when some of the ghost assassins try to go after Tim and Phantom shows up?

Mokulule — Today at 2:57 AM

XD Does Tim realize this is Danny or does he now think there’s another player?

Are they aware of Phantom as a ghost hero?

clockways — Today at 2:59 AM

HUM so I kinda want to say Tim does put 2 + 2 together- at least at some point. Maybe just because Phantom's new outfit mirrors what his formal clothing had. Not like perfectly but there's a lot of parallels in color and things

Maybe not till he's safe and- if they know of Phantom- they're back somewhere secure

Tim just holding an ice pack to his head jolting up and pointing a finger at Phantom "You're Danny!!!"

Phantom: Uh, yeah??? Of course I am?

And then @mokulule got distracted by fic and I went to sleep cause it was 3am. But my can we go from 'random statement' to 60% of a fic outline in no time. (Not it.)

#how promptous #dp x dc #brain dead #dead tired #Tim Drake/Danny Fenton

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 months

Text

Middlemen without enshittification

I'm on tour with my new novel The Bezzle! Catch me next in SALT LAKE CITY (Feb 21, Weller Book Works) and SAN DIEGO (Feb 22, Mysterious Galaxy). After that, it's LA, Seattle, Portland, Phoenix and more!

Enshittification describes how platforms go bad, which is also how the internet goes bad, because the internet is made of platforms, which is weird, because platforms are intermediaries and we were promised that the internet would disintermediate the world:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle/#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel

The internet did disintermediate a hell of a lot of intermediaries – that is, "middlemen" – but then it created a bunch more of these middlemen, who coalesced into a handful of gatekeepers, or as the EU calls them "VLOPs" (Very Large Online Platforms, the most EU acronym ever).

Which raises two questions: first, why did so many of us end up flocking to these intermediaries' sites, and how did those sites end up with so much power?

To answer the first question, I want you to consider one of my favorite authors: Crad Kilodney (RIP):

https://archive.org/details/thecradkilodneypapers

When I was growing up, Crad was a fixture on the streets of Toronto. All through the day and late into the evening, winter or summer, Crad would stand on the street with a sign around his neck ("Very famous Canadian author, buy my books, $2" or sometimes just "Margaret Atwood, buy my books, $2"). He wrote these deeply weird, often very funny short stories, which he edited, typeset, printed, bound and sold himself, one at a time, to people who approached him on the street.

I had a lot of conversations with Crad – as an aspiring writer, I was endlessly fascinated by him and his books. He was funny, acerbic – and sneaky. Crad wore a wire: he kept a hidden tape recorder rolling in his coat and he secretly recorded conversations with people like me, and then released a series of home-duplicated tapes of the weirdest and funniest ones:

https://archive.org/details/on-the-street-crad-kilodney-vol-1

I love Crad. He deserves more recognition. There's an on-again/off-again documentary about his life and work that I hope gets made some day:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/09/free-sample/#putrid-scum

But – and this is the crucial part – there are writers out there I want to hear from who couldn't do what Crad did. Maybe they can write books, but not edit them. Or edit them, but not typeset them. Or typeset, but not print. Or print, but not spend the rest of their lives standing on a street-corner with a "PUTRID SCUM" sign around their neck.

Which is fine. That's why we have intermediaries. I like booksellers (I was one!). I like publishers. I like distributors. I like their salesforce, who go forth and convince the booksellers of the world to stock books like mine. I have ten million things I want to do before I die, and I'm already 52, and being a sales-rep for a publisher isn't on my bucket list. I am so thankful that someone else wants to do this for me.

That's why we have intermediaries, and why disintermediation always leads to some degree of re-intermediation. There's a lot of explicit and implicit knowledge and specialized skill required to connect buyers and sellers, creators and audiences, and other sides of two-sided markets. Some producers can do some of this stuff for themselves, and a very few – like Crad – can do it all, but most of us need some help, somewhere along the way. In the excellent 2022 book Direct, Kathryn Judge lays out a clear case for all the good that middlemen can do:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/12/direct-the-problem-of-middlemen/

So why were we all so anxious for disintermediation back in the late 1990s? Here's a hint: it wasn't because we hated intermediaries – it was because we hated powerful intermediaries.

The point of an intermediary is to serve as a conduit between producers and consumers, buyers and sellers, audiences and creators. When an intermediary gains power over the audience – say, by locking them inside a walled garden – and then uses that lock-in to screw producers and appropriate an ever larger share of the value going between them, that's when intermediaries become a problem.

The problem isn't that someone will handle ticketing for your gig. The problem is that Ticketmaster has locked down all the ticketing, and the venues, and the promotions, and it uses that power to gouge fans and rip off artists:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/20/anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-will-eventually-stop/

The problem isn't that there's a well-made website that lets you shop for goods sold by many small merchants and producers. It's that Amazon has cornered this market, takes $0.51 out of every dollar you spend there, and clones and destroys any small merchant who succeeds on the platform:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

The problem isn't that there's a website where you can stream most of the music ever recorded. It's that Spotify colludes with the Big Three labels to rip off artists and sneaks crap you don't want to hear into your stream in order to collect payola:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/09/12/streaming-doesnt-pay/#stunt-publishing

The problem isn't that there's a website where you can buy any audiobook you want. It's that Amazon's Audible locks every book to its platform forever and steals hundreds of millions of dollars from creators:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/07/25/can-you-hear-me-now/#acx-ripoff

The problem, in other words, isn't intermediation – it's power. The thing that distinguishes a useful intermediary from an enshittified bully is power. Intermediaries gain power when our governments stop enforcing competition law. This lets intermediaries buy each other up and corner markets. Once they've formed cozy cartels, they can capture their regulators and commit rampant labor, privacy and consumer violations with impunity. That capture also lets them harness governments to punish smaller players that want to free workers, creators, audiences and customers from walled gardens. It also hands them a whip-hand over their workers, so that any worker who refuses to aid in these nefarious plans can be easily fired:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/30/go-nuts-meine-kerle/#ich-bin-ein-bratapfel

A world with intermediaries is a better world. As much as I love Crad Kilodney's books, I wouldn't want to live in a world where the only books on my shelves came from people prepared to stand on a street-corner wearing a "FOUL PUS FROM DEAD DOGS" sign.

The problem isn't intermediaries – it's powerful intermediaries. That's why the world's surging antitrust movement is so exciting: by reinstating competition law, we can keep intermediaries small and comparatively weak, so that creators and audiences, drivers and riders, sellers and buyers, and other groups seeking to connect will not find themselves made subservient to middlemen.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/19/crad-kilodney-was-an-outlier/#intermediation

#pluralistic #intermediation #disintermediation #publishing #creative labor #middlemen #distributors #publishers #publicists #enshittification #monopoly #monopsony #crad kilodney #trustbusting #antitrust

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landwriter · 1 year

Text

Desperate Measures | Dream/Hob | 1.2K | G v silly and fluffy, literally 90% air, dream attempts a romantic gesture, hob is a sap and forgetful, human au, part text fic

for @domaystic drabbles, Day 6: Under the Same Umbrella

---

Dream woke up to 26 texts from Hob. He put on his glasses and began his morning read. It’d replaced Times for him. The editorial quality, he thought, was far superior.

Hob (7:19 am) heading out, gave you a wee forehead kiss and you didn’t even stir. sleeping bloody beauty. love you disgustingly much x

Hob (7:26 am) couldn’t find my umbrella anywhere can you take a look if it’s not too much of a bother? feel like i’ve gone mad

Hob (7:30 am) christ it’s bucketing down!! standing under the eaves just to tell you how much it’s bucketing down

plants will be happy at least so will my goth boyfriend ;) hope your writing goes well today love. extra atmosphere!!

Hob (8:42 am) nevermind don’t look for it remembered that i left it in my office told johanna she can use it since i’m at the archives all day anyway glad i’m not the only one who’d forget their own head if it wasn’t screwed on :) :) :)

Hob (10:11 am) you should’ve seen the look lisa gave me when i showed up had to dry myself off in the men’s w half a forest of paper towels there goes my carbon offset from walking i said christ you’re probably still in bed asleep warm dry!! lucky bastard

wish i could come back already and drip puddles all over you

Hob (10:37 am) if this keeps up i’m going to look like mr darcy in the rain on your doorstep tonight don’t worry i promise not to propose marriage while insulting you xx although i do love you most ardently

...elizabeth

Dream smiled, read them all again, contemplated, and then sent his reply.

Dream (11:01 am) Sir, I appreciate the struggle you have been through

Hob replied moments later.

?? you sound like a customer service agent wait you’re quoting the film you can’t reject me if i’ve not proposed to you!! yet!!!

Dream snorted. 'and I am very sorry I have caused you pain' went the line. They’d watched it last weekend. Hob had cried, and Dream had privately decided that if Hob proposed, he’d say yes. Even if it was poorly done. It wouldn’t be, though. Not if Hob was doing it. He sent a second text.

...and I am very sorry you were drenched by rain.

Then he got out of bed and shuffled into the kitchen. His phone buzzed anew as he made tea and toast. He smiled at the sound. On their first date, Hob had warned Dream that he had a bad habit of annoying boyfriends over text. Dream, on his first date in six years, had wondered what it might be like to be so effusively charming that you could have enough boyfriends to form habits around them at all. He hadn’t known what to say, and Hob had ducked his head, grimacing a little, and said, “Just tell me to piss off, please, if I do? I know I can be a bit much.”

Dream believed it, because the man was telling him about his habits with boyfriends after one date. Not that he minded. And three months in, Dream had yet to tell him to piss off.

Turns out, a bit much was exactly what he’d wanted. Needed, in truth. Someone to tether him to the real world. His phone had become a modern-day lodestone in his pocket, a comforting pull of Hob-ness that would always point him back to life whenever he’d emerge, blinking and disoriented, out of the mire of his work. Work that he loved - creating worlds out of nothing, writing stories that would change people - but, coming on the age of thirty with nothing to show for it but recurring wrist strain and an upmarket flat that never had any guests, work that had also made him spend so much time apart from the rest of humanity that he was sometimes unsure how to rejoin it.

The tipping point had been when his eldest sister had found out that he hadn’t spoken to anyone else in between two of their regular dinners. Which were monthly. It had been mortifying. She’d smiled sadly, which was excruciating enough, and then gotten the gleam of a plan in her eyes, which had been far worse. “I’m setting you up,” she’d said. “I know just the guy. We go way back. I think you’ll like him.”

He had. Now, when his phone buzzed, he found himself frowning if it wasn’t Hob. (An exceedingly rare occasion.) But this time it was, of course. Four short messages sent one after the other:

hahahaha ok fine that was v good enjoy your day x

Five hours later, not even the curtain of rain awaiting him outside could douse the anticipation in his belly. An idea, he knew, was a powerful thing. Dream didn’t have an umbrella - Hob always shared with him, and would’ve apologetically nicked his if he had - so he would make the first leg of the journey as Hob did. He intended to go and get something nice, but once in the cold downpour, his resolve failed him almost at once, and he ducked into the first shop that had umbrellas in the window.

“Hiya,” said the girl at the counter without looking up from her phone.

Dream ignored her, blinking the rain out of his eyes, belatedly registering all the merchandise had a unifying theme and that he’d made a terrible mistake, borne of sheer desperation.

“Would you happen to have any other umbrellas? In black?” he asked. Hidden behind the counter, perhaps. If only you knew to ask.

The girl looked at him with an air of disbelieving reproval only accessible to teenagers and the very elderly. “You could try Boots, you know. It’s just down the street.”

Dream looked out the window. Rain torrented down. Commuters hurried past with their sensibly coloured umbrellas. From places exactly like Boots.

“Or we’ve got rain ponchos,” she added. It sounded like a threat.

“Nevermind,” said Dream quickly. “I’ll take it.”

“Enjoy your visit in London, sir,” she called out as he left.

He stepped outside and flicked open the umbrella with slightly more force than necessary.

Dream waited a few paces outside the archives, wanting to surprise Hob properly. Two separate pairs of tourists had thought he was their London Ghost Tours guide, and he was beginning to regret not holding out for longer, drenching be damned. Then Hob emerged, striding out and immediately stopping to pull out his phone. He was smiling at it. Dream smiled too, in anticipation.

A moment later his own phone buzzed loudly in his coat pocket, and Hob looked up in surprise.

“Oh my god,” he said. Then he said it again.

“I heard you needed an umbrella,” said Dream. He’d had the line already, since he got the idea. It had been very dashing and romantic in his head. It was somewhat undermined by the dreadful costuming choice that had been forced upon him.

Hob looked between Dream and the umbrella, bafflement melting into a happy laugh. He ducked underneath, pecking Dream on the lips. “I’m not sure I needed one quite this badly. Did you rob some poor tourist?”

“Unhappily, I paid for this.”

“Oh no,” said Hob, pulling away and pretending to inspect him for injury. “My poor darling. Your dignity.”

Dream sniffed. “I will recover.”

“Here,” said Hob. “I’ll carry it for you. You’ll only be guilty by association, then.”

They began walking, a bobbing Union Jack in a sea of blacks and greys. After the chief sin of ugliness, it was also a little small for two grown men, but Dream found he didn’t resent that at all, as Hob tucked him tightly into his side to keep them both dry. People gave them a wide berth. Tourists could never be trusted with umbrellas.

“You’ve rescued me, you know,” said Hob, nuzzling into his cheek.

“It wouldn’t do to have you dripping puddles all over the floors,” said Dream.

“Even if I looked terribly handsome, all wet and ardent?”

Dream bit his lip and smiled a little. “Perhaps you can be wet and ardent in the shower. Instead.”

Hob laughed again. It was Dream’s favourite sound. “Much warmer than the rain anyway. Deal.” Rain drummed down on their private nylon ceiling. “I was thinking chicken tikka masala for dinner?”

And so they made their way home, and although the rain never let up, Dream was so content and warm that he might’ve sworn they were walking in the sun.

#dreamling #domaystic2023 #this is DISTRESSINGLY sweet you've been warned #the sandman #three days in a row!#new record for actually doing a monthly prompt thing #continuing to just write about today's weather and call it a fic #my writing #the sandman fanfic

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uyuforu · 5 months

Note

this is a dumb question but how do you make a solar synastry chart? could you please explain it with a example?

How to make a Solar Return Synastry: Uyu's Tutorial

「 ✦ Hello! This is not a dumb question at all, as many other people didn't get that either! I'm gonna do a full tutorial so people can check with easy steps! ✦ 」

Step Zero: Introducing our example people

Person A: Mrs. Juno, born on 01/10/1994 at 1:11 am in New York, NY

Person B: Mr. Jupiter, born on 01/04/1997 at 11:11 am in Los Angeles, CA

Mrs. Juno & Mr. Jupiter are a couple, and wishes to check their synastry over the year 2024.

First, they need to see their own Solar Return Charts for the year.

Step One: Checking each person's Solar Return

ִ ࣪𖤐 Go on Astro.comִ

ִ ࣪𖤐 Go on the 3 bars

ִ ࣪𖤐 Free Horoscopes > Horoscope Drawings & Data > Extended Chart Selection

ִ ࣪𖤐 Enter your personal informations in "Horoscope for:" (Edit) (for this step, write your birth date and birth time, not the year of the solar return!)

ִ ࣪𖤐 In "Chart Type:" click and search for "Solar Return Chart*"

ִ ࣪𖤐 Then, make sure to write 2024 (or the year you want to check, the rest of the date doesn't matter from what I observed, but the year does).

ִ ࣪𖤐 You can go down and add asteroids or other additional objects before checking the SRC.

ִ ࣪𖤐 For a romantic relationship, you can add Juno, Union, Briede, Groom, Boda, Vertex for example.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Once you are done with that, you click on "Show the Chart"

ִ ࣪𖤐 Save your SRC, and then go back to repeat all those steps with the other person.

Step Two: Creating a Solar Return Synastry based on two Solar Return Charts

ִ ࣪𖤐 Let me show you our two Solar Return Charts of Mrs. Juno & Mr. Jupiter for 2024:

ִ ࣪𖤐 Now, we are going to create a synastry with these two charts. We are going to take this date (each written in red), with the timing too!

Mrs Juno: September 30, 2024 at 7:37 am in New York, NY

Mr Jupiter: April 1st, 2024 at 1:17 am in Los Angeles, CA

ִ ࣪𖤐 Now, we are going back on Astro.com > Free Horoscopes > Horoscope Drawings & Data > Extended Chart Selection

ִ ࣪𖤐 We are going to change our personal informations to that:

ִ ࣪𖤐 Now, on the "Chart Type:" we are going to select "Synastry Chart (2)

࣪𖤐 This should look like that:

࣪𖤐 Finally, you can add again some asteroids and some additional objects! And click on "Show the chart". You have your Solar Return Synastry for 2024!

Final Words

You have to save every solar return charts of you and your person of each years to make synastry about other years. Follow the tutorial once again for other dates such as 2022, 2023, or 2025, etc. Just replace the year with the one you desire to see :)

Hope it helped!

back to index ; ask ; request ; rules

#uyuans #astrology #astrology synastry #synastry chart #synastry #src #solar return chart #astrology solar return #solar return synastry

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koiiiiijiii · 1 month

Text

The Flakes Are Goin’ Up

my favourite russian songs + lookism boys (pt.1)

хлопья летят наверх (by FEDUK) = Kim Joon Goo

tw ; pure fluff, ooc Goo(?), established relationship, helpless romantic, wedding

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

0:21 - 1:01 "Where did you come from here? Cool shorts - former Levi's jeans Simple makeup You smell just like the first lily of the valley, I won't tear you down Where did you come from here? You smell just like the first lily of the valley, I won't tear you down I thought about you and it started snowing Cold weather warms us: closer to family All this vanity, where we are not New texts, but not about you The flakes are flying upward"

Goo caught himself thinking that he could never imagine himself at his own wedding, this was the last thing on his mind in a series of fights, showdowns with gangs, counting cash, and entertainment with his secret friends and Gun. And now here he is, standing at the altar and can’t take his eyes off you - in your beautiful, light, white dress, walking down the aisle along the rows of invited guests. Under your feet the path is lined with flower petals, everything around is decorated with white flowers, light fabrics and candles, Goo chuckles at his memory - it was your great wish for the wedding planner to create a light and bright atmosphere as much as possible.

1:05 - 1:30 "Magic and light are everywhere Why are you here alone? Hello, Let's go to the planet parade I'll give you a warm scarf: it's cold out there in space And we meet the dawn Wrapped in the clouds"

As Goo stands at the altar with you, the air is thick with emotion, anticipation, and love. The words he prepared for this moment swirl in his mind, but as he looks into your eyes, all thoughts seem to evaporate, leaving only the overwhelming feeling of adoration and commitment.

"From the moment I met you," Goo whispers into your ear as pastor keeps reading his words, "I knew my life would never be the same." He smiles so brightly, looking down at you.

"In a world of chaos and uncertainty you are my guiding light, my rock, and with you by my side, I am whole. I promise to stand by you, to protect you, and to cherish every moment we share together. You are my partner, my confidante, and my love, now and forever." As you exchange your vows, the world seems to fade away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of pure bliss. And when the moment finally comes to seal your promises with a kiss, time stands still. As if by some unseen force, you are drawn together, your lips meeting in a tender, heartfelt kiss.

2:27 - 2:53 "New era of love New life, you choose Something painfully familiar, but we don’t know each other I want to kiss you again and again These cozy days The flakes are falling - and we are with them Slowly melt like our kiss All our dreams are slowly melting away"

Amidst the applause and cheers of their friends, Goo and you emerge from the ceremony as husband and wife, greeted by the smiling faces of those who have stood by their side through thick and thin. Despite his ties to the gang, Goo's friends show nothing but respect and admiration for the newlyweds, offering their heartfelt congratulations and well wishes.

As the evening unfolds into a lavish wedding dinner, filled with laughter and camaraderie, Goo and you steal moments together, savoring the quiet intimacy of being newlyweds.

As the evening progresses and the festivities reach their peak, Goo and you find yourselves lost in each other's embrace on the dance floor in newlyweds dance. The room fades away, leaving only the soft strains of music and the gentle rhythm of your bodies moving as one. Goo holds you close, his touch igniting a fire within you, a passion that burns brighter with each tender caress. In this moment, there is only you and him, the rest of the world melting away into insignificance.

With every step, every movement, you feel a deep connection between you, a bond that transcends words and defies explanation. Goo's eyes meet yours, filled with a love so pure, so profound, it takes your breath away. And as the music swells and the night stretches out before you, you surrender to the magic of the moment, allowing yourselves to be swept away by the tide of emotions that threatens to consume you both. In this dance, in this embrace, Goo and you find a sanctuary for both of you, a place where time stands still and the worries of the world cease to exist.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

author’s note ; i know that’s not how traditional Korean wedding goes, but i decided to go with something more familiar for everyone, sorry hehe

author’s note 2 ; this song… ahhh, it’s such stereotypical choose for wedding i think, but it’s so beautiful, author wrote this song on his own wedding if i not mistaken and honestly this song def will be on my own wedding😭🤧😋💒✨

also!! i used Bella’s and Edward’s wedding from twilight as reference, so you can check it on pinterest or on yourude if you don’t remember!!!

author’s note 3 ; planning to do same with Jake, Sammy, Gun, Zack and Vasco

💒💐🎀🎗️

#[ ~ koi.talks🗣]#Spotify #lookism webtoon #lookism #lookism manhwa #lookism x reader #lookism imagines #kim joongoo #kim jungwoo #kim joongoo x reader #lookism fic #lookism fluff #kim goo x reder #kim goo #lookism kim joon goo #goo kim #goo kim x reader

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maddogofshimano · 29 days

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Hello! Seeing this blog was an insta-follow. JW, did u do a translation somewhere of…whatever this is? https://youtu.be/tfAqq15hv5s?si=xXzvWG1ImZ_qGGGb

I’d love to know what she’s saying, I’m scraping and scrounging for more Goromi content. There *is* a translation in the comments section, but it’s worded strangely…

youtube

hey thanks!! I am waaaaaaaaay less confident in translating spoken stuff, especially with Goromi's wildly fluctuating accent and general screeching but at one point I did go through and do some of the easier ones. however!! a kind soul has transcribed everything in the comments since the last time I checked so I'm doing this proper now. under a cut because it got long lol

italics is Goromi dropping into the masc Majima-style voice

0:00 どーもーゴロ美でーす。真島? あ? 誰やそれつべこべ言わんとはよドンペリ入れんかい! Hiii I'm Goromi. Majima? Huh? Don't talk about whoever that is, hurry up and bring out the Dom Perignon! 0:13 はぁあん仕事もできる女それがゴ・ロ・美またモテてまうわぁはぁ参るなぁ Haaa~ A woman can do work too. That's Go - ro - mi. She'll be popular again. Haa~ Give me a call~ 0:28 めっちゃジロジロ見られたわぁ嫌やわぁセクハラちゃうー? I'm gettin' stared at so much. I don't like it. Is this sexual harassment? 0:35 よっしゃー! 暴れるでぇお前らー! All right! I'm gonna go ballistic on you all! 0:39 あ? パンツ見えてる? だからなんやねん Huh? Ya can see my panties? Watch where you're lookin'! 0:46 あーあ早う桐生ちゃん来んかのぉー Ahhhh… won't Kiryu-chan hurry up~? 0:53 なんや俺は安い女とちゃうで　 What is it? I ain't a cheap gal. 0:59 あ? パンツ見えてる? いやーんこのドスケベー目ん玉くり抜いたろかぁ! Ya can see my panties? Ooooh ya perv~! I'll gouge out your fuckin' eyes!* 1:08 いやーんええ飲みっぷりやないかぁちょっと見直したでぇ Oooh, you seem like ya can hold your drink~ I'm startin' to come around on ya~ 1:16 うち強い奴が好きやねんうちをその気にさせたいんならぁ殺す気で来いやぁ! Me, I like strong guys. If ya want me to like you… then ya better come at me like ya want me dead!* 1:27 やだゴロ美ったらドキドキしてる気に入ったでぇおぉ! ドス持ってこいやぁ! いっちょやり合おうやないかー! No way, ya got Goromi's heart all flutterin'. Oh! This is perfect for my dagger! Time to fight!" 1:39 うちも一杯もらってええか? 今日はなんだか飲みたい気分やねん Is it alright if I get one too? Today I'm in the mood to drink. 1:48 はいどーぞっ! ゴロ美特性ゲロマズカクテルやでぇなぁ飲めや Here you go! Goromi's special super yucky cocktail! …Hey, drink it. 1:57 桐生ちゃん驚くやろなぁ Kiryu-chan's a surprisin' guy~ 2:01 ゴロ美ドキドキしちゃう You're gonna make Goromi's heart flutter.* 2:04 うちがナンバーワンキャバ嬢ゴロ美や覚えときー I'm the number one cabaret girl Goromi, ya better remember that. 2:12 ヒーヒッヒヒヒー惚れても知らんでぇ Hehehehee not my fault if you're fallin' for me~* 2:16 ますますべっぴんになってくでぇ I'm becoming more and more beautiful~ 2:20 奇麗なバラにはトゲがあるんやでぇ A beautiful rose still has its thorns. 2:26 魔性の女それがゴロ美やでぇ Goromi, a woman with a devilish nature~ 2:31 ゴロ美の新たな魅力感じてやぁ Experience Goromi's fresh new glamor. 2:36 ふぉーんなかなか見どころあるやないかぁま、けどアフターはお預けや There's a lot of good things to see, aren't there? Well, that will have to wait for the after hours date. 2:45 やるやないかぁへえぇゴロ美アフター権進呈したるわこのボケがぁ! Well it can't be helped. I'm presentin' ya with the rights to an after hours date with Goromi. Ya dumb ass! 2:56 ご指名おおきに Thank ya for requestin' me.* 2:59 男女がやる事いうたらー喧嘩しかないやろがぁ! There's a thing that men and women do together… They fight each other! 3:06 か弱いレディーに何するんじゃボケェ! This weak lady, what the hell are ya doin' to her, idiot! 3:10 あかーんそんなんじゃゴロ美は濡れへんでぇ! Siiiilly, that kind of thing won't get Goromi wet! (tl note: I……………………. I feel like there's something I'm misreading here. but. turns out I'm not!!) 3:14 当店はお触り禁止じゃぁ! We don't allow touching in this establishment!!! 3:17 野暮な男は嫌いやでぇ! I hate men with no manners!!

(tl note: the rest of these are various battle callouts) 3:24 ボトル入りまーす! Bottle comin' through! 3:26 これうちの名刺! Here's… my business card! 3:30 ゴロ美に惚れたら火傷するでぇ! If ya fall for Goromi… You're gonna get burned! 3:35 お客様は神様なわけあるかボケェ! The customer is king… what a stupid idea! 3:41 イーヒッヒヒヒー太客認定したるわぁ! Eeehehehehee, I just bagged a big spender! 3:46 シャンパン入りまーす! Champagne comin' through! 3:49 花はいつか散るんやでぇ Flowers will… always scatter… 3:54 終わりがあるから美しいんやでぇ Because they must end… They are beautiful… 4:01 またのご来店お待ちしてまーす! We look forward to seeing you agaaaaiiiin! 4:05 はぁうちをもっと燃えさす奴はおらんのかいなぁ Haaa… is there no one left who can get me fired up? 4:11 ゴロ美の「み」は皆殺しの「み」じゃぁ! The "mi" in "Goromi" is… from the "mi" in "minagoroshi"! (tl note: wholesale slaughter) 4:16 稼ぎ時を逃さん女それがゴロ美じゃボケェ! Goromi, a woman who's never let a chance to make a profit escape her! 4:23 ヒヒッゴロ美ほてってきたでぇ Hehe, Goromi's burnin' hot! 4:29 ヒヒッ延長やぁ当たり前やろ! Hehe, an extension. Obviously! (tl note: for using a continue in a fight) 4:36 ごっついのぉ Real strong, huh… (tl note: for losing)

whew! as usual if I fucked something else please tell me some of this stuff gets real in the weeds. all I can do is my best

thanks again for the follow and for suggesting this! I'm real glad I took another look, that minagoroshi line really made me laugh. unrelated to Goromi but I'll have a new event up in a week or so because the one going on right now is so incredibly funny to me. it's a Saejima event. look forward to it * Edit: a couple of line corrections thanks to @imustbenuts Thank you again!!!

#rggo #ryu ga gotoku online #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #like a dragon #Goromi #majima goro #trickinabucket #majima

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nutty1005 · 4 months

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3 Xiao Zhan.

Original Article: https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/7YZimnoaGOkx-vTeiPyckg Original Author: 智族GQ Translator’s note: The article will be published in the February 2024 Issue of GQ

Xiao Zhan: Clear goals, accepting results

01 Relaxation

The studio was by the Huangpu River in Shanghai, Xiao Zhan was wrapped in a black down jacket, he had took off his shoes, and sat cross-legged on the corner of the sofa, looking very relaxed. The filming came to an end for the time being. Although he had been working continuously for more than 7 hours, there was no trace of fatigue on his face.

This is a face that attracts attention all the time. A few months ago, the studio released a Xiao Zhan’s birthday photoshoot, and keen-eyed netizens immediately noticed that his face had “became rounder”. In order to play the character of Guo Jing in the movie “The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Great Hero”, which was directed by Tsui Hark, Xiao Zhan gained weight before joining the group, his cheeks were no longer so thin and his figure was obviously more buff. In the photographs, he had a stubble and the vicissitudes of life were slightly visible on him.

Strictly speaking, “The Legend of the Condor Heroes: The Great Hero” was Xiao Zhan’s second movie. There were many previous classic versions of Guo Jing’s character, and the pressure on him was obviously visible.

On the day of the cover shoot for “GQ”, Xiao Zhan got up very early to go for a run. He could not help but think, my God, I am going to lose muscle mass again after sweating so much. He debated whether to continue, and finally decided to run for 30 minutes. When the time came, he remembered that body fat would start burning after 30 minutes, so he ran for an additional 10 minutes.

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All of these is for work. “Actually, I don’t want to run. Running will lose muscles mass, but I have to run to reduce swelling.” After the filming, he planned to do weights training no matter how late it was. An actor’s self-discipline is to be always ready to shape his image for the character, but he must also strictly control his diet and manage his body shape. Xiao Zhan regards both as professional standards and expects himself to do so

Before meeting, I thought Xiao Zhan would be very cautious about interviews. To my surprise, Xiao Zhan had a rare sense of relaxation, answered all questions, and was even humorous. When mentioning that actors should observe characters in life, he commented on the sitting postures of several people present; when asked what things he did not expect after joining the industry, his answer was that he could not eat whatever he wanted like his high school classmates.

The interview lasted for almost two hours, I became curious about what kind of experience it had been for Xiao Zhan, who had been under immense attention in the past few years. Xiao Zhan said instead that he had forgotten this matter frequently and it did not cause him a lot of trouble in life, the most “cruel” thing might have been “being unable eat as much as you want”.

“I will still sneak out to ride my bike, take a walk, and do a City Walk. There was only one time when I was recognized after walking in a alley for 5 minutes. I also mingled into the cinema and watched a movie. No one will care about you, really. After leaving the Internet, many things will be solved easily. Sometimes it seems like what is before our eyes is the world, this is a misunderstanding, but yet we cannot avoid this misunderstanding, so there is no way around it.”

There were so many things he especially wanted to do, such as taking the subway and going shopping. “I will really squeeze onto the subway, perhaps tomorrow, it’s so normal, I used to take the subway every day.” For Xiao Zhan, this was the life he really wanted. The voices of social media no longer bothered him, “After all these years, can I still live if I’m still bothered? (laughs) It’s really just fine.”

At this stage, Xiao Zhan is very satisfied with his living situation. “I have a job, a life of my own, and an audience that likes me. I have nothing to be dissatisfied with.”

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02 Becoming an Actor

To a certain extent, Xiao Zhan’s sense of relaxation stems from his increasingly clear goals. The voices from the external world no longer bothered him, he is clear about what he wants and what he do not want. Now, he is doing more subtraction for himself. In the past two years, he had rarely appeared in variety shows, taking the career of actor as his most important goal at this moment.

In 2023, 3 television dramas starring Xiao Zhan broadcasted, and each character was a challenge for Xiao Zhan. During the interview, Xiao Zhan said many times that he was “under a lot of pressure”, and he said this almost every time when reviewing every stage. But his tone was light, without the heaviness of complaints, more like a post analysis and summary, the reasons were often specific and objective: the first time he came into contact with performing without props, the first time he took on the leading role alone, the first time he acted in an modern drama…

“Where Dreams Begin / The Youth Memories” was a script that Xiao Zhan particularly liked. He liked stories about that generation very much, as a child he watched some television dramas such as “Once Upon a Time in Beijing” and “Happiness as Flowers”. When he mentioned the 1970s and 1980s, he felt that it was sunny and bright, it was colorful. Many people said that Xiao Chunsheng was a perfect character, but to Xiao Zhan that happened to be his greatest flaw, he thought this character was very interesting and wanted to give it a try. Xiao Chunsheng was a young man from Beijing, hence how to express the character’s imposing manner and speak authentic Beijing dialect was a big challenge for Xiao Zhan, who had lived in Chongqing since childhood.

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The Shi Ying character in “The Longest Promise” was aloof, because he did not want to let down everyone’s expectations for his ancient costume appearance, Xiao Zhan tried his best to lose weight before joining the group. “‘The Longest Promise’ was a script I got in 2020. It had the most complete character and most delicate emotions from the scripts I could choose from, it was also very logical and self-consistent, it was my best choice.”

“Sunshine By My Side” was a script that Xiao Zhan has been exposed to for the longest time, starting from the end of 2019. Although Sheng Yang in “Sunshine By My Side” closely overlapped with Xiao Zhan’s pre-debut career, but for him to move his life as a designer to the screen and act in a natural and convincing manner, he did not have confidence. “Modern dramas and life dramas are really unfamiliar fields.” Initially, he was too eager to finish his lines and memorized them completely, but when he said them, it made people think that no one in real life would speak like this, later on he discovered where to break the lines and which words to emphasize in modern dramas, and the logic was actually very strong.

In the past few years, he had acted as a soldier, a doctor, a designer, and a Beijing youth. There were no special considerations, and they all happened naturally. He rarely acted in recurring roles. But when choosing a script, Xiao Zhan would not deliberately avoid themes that he had acted in before, instead he will just put himself in the audience’s perspective to feel whether he could be moved by it.

In 2021, Xiao Zhan starred in the theater play “A Dream Like a Dream”, playing the role of Patient No. 5. On the day of the premiere, many topics related to theater appeared on Weibo hot searches, becoming a phenomenon-level event in the theater circle.

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On acting in “A Dream Like A Dream”, Xiao Zhan hesitated for a long time. There are many reasons for his hesitation: he was from Chongqing, he was not from a professional background, there is no NG in theater plays, it would last for 8 hours, “Dream Like a Dream” was also very famous, and there had been many classic versions of Patient No. 5 prior. But after reading the script, Xiao Zhan felt that he must perform in it.

Theater play is a very pure thing. Dozens or even hundreds of people gather in a space to tell a story, this is an experience that film and television cannot bring, hence Xiao Zhan yearns for it. He began to maniacally memorize his lines, and enclosed himself in Tangshan to rehearse intensively with the entire group for more than a month, grinding out one scene after another.

“I was very nervous for the first performance. I am still nervous now when I think about it. When Gu Xianglan rang the bell, I shuddered.” The instant the light hit him, Xiao Zhan felt that everything had stopped, he could not see the expressions of the audience under the stage and there was only white left in front of him.

Xiao Zhan adjusted his breathing and began to speak his lines. The director said that the actors in the opening scene controlled the rhythm of the entire story, so every time he said that line, Xiao Zhan was most nervous. As he spoke, he would gradually forget about his nervousness, and after he was done speaking, he would let out a long sigh of relief, and think, ah, it has finally ended.

Once, towards the end of the first half of the performance, Patient No. 5 went on stage to find Gu Xianglan with a painting and an address, and had a long monologue. Walking to the middle of the stage, Xiao Zhan’s mind suddenly stumbled. He could not remember the beginning of the next line. After hesitating for about 1.5 seconds, he chose to skip that word and continued. The audience should not be able to tell the difference, he thought. He could not remember that word even until the end of the performance.

“I couldn’t remember it even when I got to the lounge, so I flipped over the script to take a look, so it was this word.”

“Which word?”

“A very common word, for example, pure drinking water, I was thinking what kind of drinking water? Distilled water? Tap water? Boiled water? I just couldn’t remember it.” Xiao Zhan replied.

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Acting is a domain with very profound knowledge. Xiao Zhan said: “I have only scratched the surface so far.” When filming “Sunshine By My Side”, the co-actors were all experienced actors, and in terms of acting skills, Xiao Zhan was still very immature, tended to be over forceful and left traces of performance marks. He told himself to “be less pretentious”, feel everything the other party throws at him with his heart, and respond honestly.

Xiao Zhan once expressed that he had difficulty understanding many characters due to his limited life experience. He had discussed this issue with his seniors, “Everyone has two opinions. Some people will say that of course you have to go through it, without experience, you don’t have a image, how can you portray it? All that you act is fake. Also, there is a voice saying that everything can be resolved by technique.”

Xiao Zhan’s own answer is, “Act more and be exposed to all types of genres” and “cooperate with more good teams, actors and directors.”

“To be honest, what I can do now is to act what my thoughts can reach, it is really difficult for me to act something that I have no concept of at all. Maybe in the future, through a work or cooperation with more good directors and actors, my confusion can be solved. I look forward to this day coming soon.“

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03 Decluttering

Relaxation is a side of Xiao Zhan, he can balance some of the pressure, but there is a part of it that is difficult for him to resolve. Xiao Zhan does not sleep well. “It’s very difficult for me to fall asleep, and I sleep very lightly, there will be situations where I don’t feel rested after sleeping, which affects my state the next day.” This would happen especially when he just joined the drama group and would be in a state of high nervousness, he would often dream about filming on set, but the filming did not go well.

When he would go to different cities, Xiao Zhan would bring the same type of pillows and quilts. “I will bring anything that can help me sleep well.” He had also tried aromatherapy lamps, lavender essential oil, various products that could make him fall asleep when applied on his body, medicinal spray on the pillow that could make people fall asleep, melatonin and meditation music. In the end, he found that the best things that made him sleep well were sleep masks, earplugs, and not looking at his phone, “because I know that once I look at it, I won’t sleep, then I might as well get up.”

Not long ago, Xiao Zhan found an old book “Decluttering” at home. That was recommended to him by his ex-company boss when he was working as a designer. The concept of organizing life described in the book made Xiao Zhan start to rethink what he wanted and what he should give up.

Xiao Zhan has a particularly obstinate side to his character, “If it’s something I insist on and I think that is right, it will be difficult to convince me.” For example, when he decided to be an actor, he did not want to do anything outside of being an actor, “You come and force me, then let’s debate. No one is right or wrong, the team is also doing this for your own good, since isn’t it a good thing to have a lot of work? But for me, I have to subtract because some things are really not what I want.”

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Xiao Zhan’s acting experience began with a story about “an older commoner chasing dreams in the entertainment industry”. He participated in the talent show at the age of 24, learned dance from scratch, debuted as a boy band, acted in online dramas, played supporting roles in theater movies, until 2019 when he became popular, Xiao Zhan also became a star that attracted attention.

When you decide to do something, you must try your best to do it well. This was what Xiao Zhan has been taught since childhood, when he was in junior high school, his family bought him a mobile phone. When he first started texting, he often used spaces to replace punctuation marks, his father then said to him sternly, “What about the punctuation marks? Why is there no period at the end of the sentence?” From that time on, Xiao Zhan was very concerned about punctuation marks.

Xiao Zhan had been competitive since he was a child, and he was not willing to miss any opportunity when it came to things he could control. When he was taking the bus to school, he would worry about the person on the bus who was asleep and would missed the stop.

For things that he could not control, he would remind himself not to force them and learn to accept them. Until then, do what he could.

When asked which drama Xiao Zhan obtained with his own hard work, Xiao Zhan’s answer was surprising. He said: “Every one.” Before becoming famous, he auditioned for many dramas, and also experienced being replaced after entering the final round of auditions and even trialed the drama in costume. Now, of course, scripts would be handed over, but Xiao Zhan would always tell himself that people only had intentions and could hand them over to many people at the same time. If he found one he really liked, he would take the initiative to meet with the director to explain his understanding of the character.

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Xiao Zhan believes that it is important to have a correct attitude

Xiao Zhan’s growing up environment was no different from that of many born in the 1990s. Mother and father would go to work, grandmother would cook at home, and he would go to and from school every day. If he did not do well in the exam, he would be beaten. After dinner at 6:30 every night, the children would ask him downstairs to play hide-and-seek, wooden figurines, and throw sandbags, as he talked about these, he was very happy. These ordinary little things seemed so precious now. Xiao Zhan said that he was very grateful for the first 23 years of his life before his dream adventure in the entertainment industry. “I cherish it very much, I think it is good.”

He thought that if he had not entered the entertainment industry, he would have lived a life like his classmates and friends, accompanying clients for meals every day, going home and staying up late to catch up on designs.

“Being seen” is a happy thing. No matter how busy he was at work, Xiao Zhan never complained, “If you have a job, then work hard.” “While filming “The Oath of Love”, he was also recording the variety show “Our Song”. During the intervals while waiting for scenes, he would hum softly with his earphones on. The other actors would come over curiously, and Xiao Zhan would smiled sheepishly, explaining that he was practicing the song he was going to sing in the evening. “I don’t have time, I really don’t have time.” At that time, work occupied almost all of his life.

Xiao Zhan rarely takes the initiative to give himself a holiday. “It’s not realistic,” he said flatly. When he was most tired, he could fall asleep just sitting on the set.

This year, Xiao Zhan had a sense of urgency regarding “acting inexperience”, “compared with some seniors, they have already acted in many works in their thirties.” Xiao Zhan knows very clearly that his acting could not improve in leaps and bounds just from one drama, “this might be hard for it to happen to me.”

He once thought about whether to be an actor with a personal style or an actor that the audience would like after watching it. His answer was the latter, “everyone may not be your fan, or even not particularly interested in you, but when you know that he has a drama on and you might want to watch it because his dramas are pretty good. I want to do that, that’s my current goal. Whether or not I can become the level of the actors I like is a long way to go, take it slowly.”

“Making more dramas and cooperating with more good teams, this is just the one goal at the moment, I won’t consider other things for the time being.” Xiao Zhan said.

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Q&A About Acting

GQ: When did it become clear that you wanted to be an actor? Xiao Zhan: When the public started paying more and more attention to me, I wanted to say, why can’t I do it? I think I can. Sometimes I waver and feel it’s so difficult. Why can’t I do it? For example, when it comes to lines, why are they just not good? Why can’t I speak as well as the others? Is it because I’m from the South? I don’t think so. Then I think, so how can I speak well? I can do it, give it a try.

GQ: In your opinion, what are the professional standards for actors? Xiao Zhan: First of all, having excellent professional skills is an unavoidable topic. You can have a non-professional background, but you must have excellent professional skills. This is what I want to do and what I’m currently doing. I feel like I’m not enough, too far behind. After having excellent professional skills, attitude is very important and whether you love it or not is also very important. If you only view it as a job, you may not be able to go very far. But if you really love it, you will cry for it and laugh for it. This may be the motivation for you to persist. Also having a strong body (laughs), I used to not feel tired when I was in my twenties, but now I will feel very tired after staying up late. This is a terrible thing, it is important to have a strong body, this is your foundation.

GQ: When acting in which character or drama did you feel recognition for? Xiao Zhan: At the beginning, when I was working on “The Wolf”, I was under a lot of pressure, the acting teacher would give me a lot of advice and guidance, and I would constantly subvert my acting method every day, it was a period of confusion. After you got over it, you would find that you have grown, and when you started acting again later, you would gradually find a little bit of feeling, and then you would get over it step by step, this was a cumulative process. I feel that I have too little acting experience. Compared with some of the seniors, who have accumulated many works in their thirties, my current works are still too few and I have not accumulated enough.

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GQ: Do you feel worried? Xiao Zhan: Yes. Because I think (improving acting skills) is a cumulative process. You can’t take a big step with just one movie. This is hard for that to happen to me, so I have to keep filming, and to keep filming good dramas, don’t waste yourself

GQ: The 3 dramas broadcasted in 2023 stretched from ancient costume to era dramas and urban dramas, what were the considerations? Xiao Zhan: Actually, there were no considerations, it just happened naturally, there were no deliberate avoidance of themes I had acted in before, it’s just (selection) by reading the script. When the scripts were handed to me at that time, I felt attracted to a certain script at the moment, so I chose it, it just happened to be a theme that I had never acted in before.

GQ: Do you feel tired from acting in ancient costume dramas all the time? Xiao Zhan: There are many types of ancient costume dramas, don’t have to separate them into ancient costume dramas and modern dramas, it’s nothing more than sticking on a wig and changing clothes, actually the core is the same, but the outer shell is different.

GQ: Once the drama you filmed airs, will you follow it? Xiao Zhan: I won’t follow them, but I will watch them, I will choose the big scenes that I care about and watch them, counts as me looking for problems for myself.

GQ: Will you watch with the scrolling comments? Xiao Zhan: I used to do it really, and I felt very entertained, laughing and joking with everyone, but now I won’t do it.

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GQ: What kind of character do you want to play now? Xiao Zhan: If I could choose, the best would be the ones I haven’t tried before. I need freshness. If I ask you to do the same thing every day, you will be bored.

GQ: What kind of actor do you want to be? Xiao Zhan: I want to be an actor that the audience can like.

GQ: Have you not already done this to make people like you? Xiao Zhan: No, no, I think it’s far from enough. I once thought about whether to be an actor with a personal style or to be an actor that the audience likes just by looking at you. Currently I want to be an actor who makes the audience feel good. Everyone may not be your fan, or even not particularly interested in you, but when you know that he has a drama on and you might want to watch it because his dramas are pretty good. I want to do that, that’s my current goal. Whether or not I can become the level of the actors I like is a long way to go, take it slowly.

GQ: Who are your favorite actors? Xiao Zhan: Many, for example Zhou Xun has always been my favorite actress. I recently watched her movie (“Across the Furious Sea”) and it was really great.

GQ: What are your career plans in 2024? Xiao Zhan: Making more dramas and cooperating with more good teams, this is just the one goal at the moment, I won’t consider other things for the time being.

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Q&A About Life

GQ: Do voices on social media bother you? Xiao Zhan: It doesn’t bother me. After all these years, can I still live if I’m still bothered? (laughs) It’s really just fine. It’s fine as long as I am clear about what I am doing. Every time you make a choice, you must clearly know what you are doing, what you have to give up, and what you have to do. So, it’s fine, maybe the team has more troubles.

GQ: Is your personal life unaffected? Xiao Zhan: Very normal! I can go out for a bike ride and a stroll. When you’re walking down the street, no one really cares about you. It’s really not what everyone imagines. Then I walked around freely.

GQ: Are those escape moments for you? Xiao Zhan: Moments of relaxation. Why do I need to escape? I am also in the third dimension, where should I escape to, this is my life, I am the same as everyone. There are many things I particularly want to do, such as squeezing onto the subway and shopping in shopping malls, which are very similar to when I was in school, and maybe I will do them in the future.

GQ: Do you miss the ordinary life very much? Xiao Zhan: It’s not that I miss it, it’s that I think I should do it, this is living. I will really take squeeze into the subway, perhaps tomorrow, it’s so normal, I used to take the subway every day. To me, there’s nothing I can’t do, so what if you discover me? Say hello and leave. It’s just that I don’t want to cause confusion, trouble, or bad reactions to everyone.

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Q&A About Personality

GQ: You haven’t appeared on variety shows in recent years. Is this a conscious choice? Xiao Zhan: Because it’s not suitable, with my personality, being in a variety show is too tiring, I would want to take care of everyone’s feelings, which would make myself very tired. Since I know that it would be this result, then I might as well don’t do it.

GQ: What was your original intention in entering the entertainment industry? Xiao Zhan: I really broke in mysteriously with confusion. The talent shows I used to watch would interview the top contestants, how did you get to this point? The contestant would say that I accompanied my friend to participate in the selection, but my friend failed and I was selected. When I was a child, I thought these things were far away from me, but when it came to myself, it’s really like this, and I think it’s amazing. I entered the idol competition, then I got here and that’s it. Very amazing, life is very interesting.

GQ: What things have you not thought of before after joining the industry? Xiao Zhan: It is a very cruel thing to not be able to to eat freely. When I see my former high school classmates who already have children and have put on some weight, I will sigh, I also want to eat freely like this. Their living status makes me feel that if I had not chosen this path at that time, maybe we would all be the same, we have to socialize and stay up late to catch up on designs, you don’t know how tiring it is to do design, but life is like this and there is no other way.

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GQ: How has choosing this path changed you? Xiao Zhan: Maybe I lack a lot of life experiences, in this regard, my classmates and friends are far better than me. They have experienced real things. There are no cameras facing you, no lights, you are living your own real life.

GQ: Are you an emotionally stable person? Xiao Zhan: Comparatively, more, stable. But once it hits some points, I will become very unstable.

GQ: For example? Xiao Zhan: Just… some things that cannot be said, haha. Maybe when something incredulous happens, you will think, what are you doing, or, when something happens that normal people would not do, I will become very angry. Maybe it’s some privacy issue, if this point is breached, I will go “berserk”. Everyone has their own boundaries, and some people have no sense of proportion, I will just stay away from these kind of people. But when the boundaries are broken again and again and the bottom line is touched, I will get very angry.

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GQ: You once said that you have a particularly tenacious side to your personality. What do you mean specifically? Xiao Zhan: Principles, I am a very obstinate person, if it’s something I insist on and I think that is right, it will be difficult to convince me. For example, if I want to be an actor and I don’t want to do anything other than being an actor, if you come and force me, then let’s debate. No one is right or wrong, the team is also doing this for your own good, since isn’t it a good thing to have a lot of work? But for me, I have to subtract because some things are really not what I want.

GQ: Do you have a perfectionist side? Xiao Zhan: I just want to do it well, and do my best in the current moment. Maybe the result is not good, but what can I do, this is all I can do.

GQ: Can you accept failure? Xiao Zhan: I can accept. I might not have been able to accept it a few years ago, but 32-year-old Xiao Zhan has learned to accept this (laughs).

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