#AND THEN ACT LIKE ANAKIN WAS ALWAYS DESTINED FOR DARKNESS?

[jebiknights]

Forever crazy to me when people write characters who have canonically (or semi-canonically in Legends) struggled with the Dark side brush Anakin off as a lost cause. Obviously in order to return to the Light you have to want to, I do get that and the characters are likely going to know that, too. But it's just so disingenuous to me when people have these characters be unforgiving and skeptical, ignoring that character's past and experiences. I'm not sure if it's just a lack of knowledge of the characters in question or if they just like using characters as Anti-Anakin/Vader mouthpieces but it really takes me out of a story.

[merrysithmas]

so i am reading The Book of Sith and it is really hitting me how STRONG Anakin was to overcome literally thousands of years of Sith consolidation of power and END it. he ended the Sith 🤯 all of the powerful Sith lords that came before him, all of the endless century-long brutal wars between the Sith and Jedi, the unrest in the galaxy -- the Force, through torment, put Anakin in a position to end it. And he did.

through the book we learn that the Sith have been placing sleeper agents in Jedi & Republic society for thousands of years - calling them forth to upend peace when least expected (such as Dooku, a high ranking person in Serenno culture). and i fully believe that's what the Force did in return, finally, with Anakin as Vader. Anakin in Vader was the Force's sleeper agent.

The Force had to create and torment someone so good that he would fall because of his weakness (LOVE) and yet be strong enough to withstand 20 years of guilt and torture on the Dark Side, so strong that he'd return to the Light and end the Sith from within, as one of them.

the Force created Anakin to fall. he was the Chosen One, the damned one, the demi god, the unlucky one, the hated one -- but the hero. it is why he found peace as a force ghost. a tragic hero.

Like!!! Vader, personally, after killing his Master, had the ability to instantly absorb ALL of Sidious' power - ten thousand years of malignant potent strength. Vader would be literally all-powerful...

and he rejected it 🥹😭😫

he outright rejected it for Luke, for Leia. he rejected it for love. he wasn't even tempted after Sidious died! he rejected the entire Sith lineage since Darth Bane, tore it to shreds and let it wither and die just so he could look at his son with "his own eyes". Luke (& Leia) - the whole reason he began the first assured steps to his fall in the first place. A desperation to save his children & padme.

he was so strong in the Light that he didn't claim the dark throne. but he not only didn't claim it - he destroyed it. for his children and everyone else in the galaxy. so that they might never know the pain and torture he endured on the Dark Side as Sidious' slave.

the book (which is, granted, "Legends") makes it clear under the Rule of Two that the apprentice never gets any Sith power. they are starved of it, servants of it, and slaves. the Sith Master keeps all of the dark power and the apprentice has nothing, is nothing. is treated as meat and Palpatine notes they are "easily replaceable when their usefulness runs out".

Anakin was the easiest target for him and he was manipulated since he was 9 years old. no mother to protect him. Sidious threw away Maul, Tryanus, and Vader of course was next.

but in the end he overcame all that: the Force's tragic destiny for him via the prophecy, Palpatine's evil manipulation of him as a small child, the lure of a hundred generations of Sith power, the evil he was conducted to commit under the duress of Palpatine to save his family (and the boundless guilt he felt for it), and the ultimate rank of a potential rule as Emperor Vader.

he rejected it all the second he got another chance - horrified at his fall the first time, bearing the burden of the prophecy (Anakin the Betrayer), taking responsibility for the acts he commited even though he was a demi god who was destined and thus never had any real free will.

he was a slave his entire life - born & died as one. he was only ever free in death.

and he was free in death because the moment he finally had a true choice of his own - after he fulfilled the Prophecy and ended the Sith - he chose to end the Sith, and let peace prevail.

at his truest form, finally given his own agency, he chose the Light.

anakin is a hero.

[xzaddyzanakinx]

| Not Yet | part one

An Anakin Skywalker X FemReader Oneshot

18+ MDNI

Warnings: Eventual Somnophilia, Cockwarming, oral, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, etc. (More warnings to come in part two)

Aggression, anger, biting, pinching,

Info: Unburned Anakin, Darth Vader Anakin - No Mask, Established Relationship, Anakin is broody but he adores you. He destroys something of yours he’s not sorry. NOT proofread❤️

Anakin Skywalker, leader of the Empire. A powerful Sith, a harsh and unforgiving presence looming over the galaxy. Known for his anger, his hatred, his ruthlessness.

No one would suspect that behind the mask, underneath the intimidating vocoder, is a soft smile. All boyish charm, beautiful sky blue eyes with just a hint of yellow. A scar across his right eye, a token of his past that he wears well.

The dark web of his blighted path is littered with holes of light shining through with the memories of his younger years. You see him for what he truly is. A master weaver.

And weave he did, straight into the missing piece of your soul.

Anakin, The Lord Darth Vader, would be seen as a weakened man if any one were to discover how he acts behind closed doors. The web of lies stretches far and wide, but never into the confines of your shared quarters. When the mask is removed, your Anakin emerges. Your sweet boy, loving, caring, considerate, everything that Vader is not.

The vastness of space always seemed to calm you, it was peaceful. The stars seemed close enough to touch as you pass the planets hanging in the surrounding darkness, watching them slowly shrink as the Death Star made its way to the next destination.

The long curved window of your living room was your favorite spot to sit and read, Anakin had a large oval shaped lounge chair designed specifically for you just for this very purpose. He couldn’t understand why you’d remove the couch cushions and place them on the floor just to be near the window, so he’d surprised you with the beautifully made black velvet seat. If you could call it that, really it was more of a day bed.

As you lay there, book in hand, the door opened abruptly causing you to jump.

“Ani?”

There was no response from behind you, just the hissing of the release of his helmet followed by the soft thump of hard plastic against the plush carpet. It was rare that he returned in a foul mood, and clearly this was one of those days. You knew better than to ask questions, he hated talking war and politics with you, work was work and home was home. He kept them entirely separate, no one dared to bother him with questions or updates once he’d stepped foot into your quarters.

You heard him huff in annoyance as he stomped off to the bedroom. You sighed and placed your book aside, making your way to the kitchen. A nice little glass of whiskey worked wonders on him on days like this. You poured a generous amount, grimacing when the smell hit your nostrils. You sat the glass aside, sliding the whiskey bottle back into its place.

You prepared his favorite snack, peanut butter and bananas, a strange pairing for whiskey… but he liked it so who were you to judge? You left the plate and glass on the counter for him and made your way to the bathroom.

You drew a steaming bath, complete with bubbles and fragrant oils, placing two fluffy towels and his robe beside the sink. He never asked you to do these things for him, but you knew he enjoyed it. It was a habit you’d started and followed religiously after the first time he’d returned home in a sour mood like this.

You undressed allowing the fabric of your dress pool at your feet. Slowly sinking into the hot water, you closed your eyes and waited for him.

Soft footsteps alerted you to his presence, a small smile upturned your lips as you opened your eyes to see him standing above you already nude. Whiskey glass in hand, he stepped into the tub in silence.

He settled in, taking a sip from the glass before setting it aside, letting his head tip back against the high wall of the porcelain tub. His hand felt for your ankle, pulling it to rest on his thigh, he rubbed his thumb gently back and forth against your skin.

He tugged at your ankle slightly, trying to get your attention after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

“M’ sorry I’ve been grumpy.” Anakin whispered, watching you with a pout as you opened your eyes.

“Had a rough day?” You asked him, earning a groan and a nod as confirmation.

He shifted, trying to crawl into your lap. His cheek rested on your chest, nestled between your water slicked breasts. His left hand came up to lazily circle your nipple, watching in fascination as it hardens under his touch. With your legs on either side of his torso you took the opportunity to trap him there with your thighs. Smirking at the low rumbling you felt his chest make against your abdomen.

“How can I make it better?” You asked, twirling a strand of his damp hair around your pointer finger.

“Neck.” He grumbled shrugging his shoulders to encourage you.

“Mhm,” you grinned, placing your hands on his shoulders but not moving. You were waiting for a ‘please’.

“C’mon, you asked how to help and this is how.” He picked up his hand and flicked water at your face.

You let your fingertips ghost across his skin, hearing him sigh, you guessed it was a mixture of gratitude and impatience. You pressed a little harder watching his skin dimple beneath your touch. A small strangled moan left his lips from the sensation, just like you’d hoped. A smirk crawled up the corner of your mouth as you stilled your movements.

“Fucking stop doing that!” Anakin pinched the skin on your ribs harshly.

“Ow!” Before you could think you had smacked the back of his head. “Oh shit oh Ani I’m sorry!”

He slowly raised his head and you couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the golden flecks in his eyes that so intensely burned into yours. Ani had a temper, that you knew, you rarely fought and it was never caused by something as small as this. A little teasing was just part of your love language but occasionally you’d find yourself stepping over the fine line of ‘cute annoyance’ and straight into ‘Jesus FUCK! Where’s my fucking stun gun!’, followed by laughter from the both of you.

Though this time, he wasn’t laughing.

He lifted himself up with his hands firmly planted on either side of your hips, a glare in his eyes that could’ve burned through beskar as he dropped his line of vision to your chest. Before you could think of a good apology for bothering him, your brain short circuited from an intense sharp pain.

It took longer than expected for your mind to catch up with what you were seeing. Anakin had bitten you right on the softest most sensitive part of your breast. He was merciless with it, sinking his teeth in and leaving a perfect impression on your skin. It was already bruising as you ran your finger over it gently. You looked up to see Anakin watching you with a glazed look in his eyes, no emotion on his face.

“What the hell Anakin?!” You shrieked.

He stood sharply, making sure to completely douse your face and hair in water as he kicked his legs up and over the edge of the bathtub. He snatched his robe from the counter and stomped off, leaving puddles as he went.

“Fine. Whatever.” You mumbled, knowing it was not fine and it was not whatever.

You drained the tub, taking extra time to pamper yourself once you got out since someone had decided that you were enemy numero uno. You wrapped your hair around a soft silk strip to create waves once it dried. Lotion and oils applied to your legs and arms gave your skin a delicious scent and a shine that almost glowed in the dim lighting. The bite mark was throbbing and warm as you rubbed bacta-gel over it with a wince.

Normally you wouldn’t mind sporting a bitemark like this. But right now, looking at it didn’t give you a shiver as you remembered an intimate moment, it brought a red blush of anger to your cheeks.

You exit the bathroom in your towel, peering cautiously into the bedroom. Anakin was no where to be found so you went in, throwing on the first nightgown and panties you could find. Your mind whirled with reasons for his anger, but there were none. This wasn’t something you’d caused. But it was something you’d fix.

Anakin POV

Everything was so constricting. My robes, my shoes, my gloves, the stupid fucking mask. My hands flexed into fists over and over as I walked.

“I can’t wait to get home to her.” I thought.

That breifing was shit. Absolute shit.

That moron Tarkin had gotten eight, eight Imperial Cruisers, damaged and one completely destroyed beyond repair. How did this happen?

“My apologies Lord Vader”

“Those fighter pilots came out of no where!”

“You don’t understand Lord Vader! It was just a routine visitation to the Outer Rim, we weren’t aware there were Rebels gathered there!”

If he wasn’t someone who’d never made a mistake in the entirety of his career under my supervision I would’ve crushed his windpipe while he dangled above the conference table. What a way to achieve your first mistake.

The moment I walked through the doors of my quarters I dropped my helmet, shedding my outer robes as I trudged to the bedroom.

“Ani?”

I sighed when I heard her sweet voice, smiled when I heard her set aside what she was doing just too brighten up my terrible day with my favorite guilty pleasure. I dropped my clothes to the floor, kicking them out of the way before walking out the door, not caring that I was stark naked.

We must’ve just missed each other in the hall because she wasn’t in the kitchen when I got there, and the sound of water running hit my ears a moment later.

I didn’t deserve such a woman. Someone so gentle and caring. But here I am, graced with her presence every day.

I chuckled when I saw she’d made a smiley face with the banana slices.

Her body.

Her gorgeous body lay before me in the bath, she looked so serene with her head resting tilted back, her slender neck exposed. Her gentle breathing lifting her chest from the bubbly water, exposing her naked breasts with each inhale.

The water was so warm that it drew an involuntary groan from me as I slipped into my spot across from her. Soon finding her ankle, rubbing my thumb across her soft skin, doing this to sooth myself more than her to be honest.

“M’ sorry I’ve been grumpy.” I mumbled, knowing my attitude was horrible since the moment I returned.

“Have a rough day?” She furrowed her eyebrows, always concerned for me, always worried.

I nodded, it was a rough day. Horrendous actually. I groaned and lifted my head hit the porcelain behind me to make my way over to her open arms. Melting into her body as I rested my head against her chest, centered between her soft, supple breasts. I couldn’t help but reach out and tease one, just to watch it rise from the simple touch.

She squeezed my sides a bit, gentle enough but much to hard for me after the day I had. I bit back my complaint, by bruised ribs not worth ruining the sweet moment between us.

“How can I make it better?” She ran her fingers through my hair, gently massaging my scalp.

“Neck.” I replied, a bit more gruff than I intended. I wiggled my shoulders hoping she’d take the hint.

Her fingers slithered across my skin, palms resting on my shoulder blades.

“C’mon you asked how you could help, this is how.” I flexed my hand, bringing above the water to throw little droplets at her face.

That seemed to do the trick, I relaxed against her under the light pressure of her fingers. Letting my hands travel up her waist to rest my thumbs in the crease created under her breasts.

Though I love her massages, sometimes she takes too long to begin to really work out the knots. She kept lifting her fingers, removing them completely, bringing them back for soft pressure only to take it away again. Finally she really dug in, hitting the spot that ached the most, it was almost satisfying. It would’ve been if she hadn’t ripped her hand off me again.

“Fucking stop doing that!” I growled, pinching the tender skin on her ribs a bit harder than intended.

“Ow!” She shrieked in pain.

I went to immediately apologize but before I could make a sound her palm delivered a swift ‘whump’ to the back of my skull. Something deep inside me snapped. My breathing stopped as I felt an intense streak of rage run through my spine.

“Oh shit, oh Ani I’m so sorry!” She yelped out, she clearly did it from reflex. But the apology fell on deaf ears.

I lifted myself above her, steeling my gaze into her eyes. Normally I wouldn’t mind being smacked around by her, I encouraged it actually. But this wasn’t the bedroom, and today wasn’t a normal day. Before I could stop myself my impulses controlled my movements.

My mouth clamped down into her breast, digging my teeth in harshly. Coming to my senses I quickly released her, feeling immediate shame as I looked in her eyes again. She was hurt, physically, emotionally… it only intensified when she inspected the wound.

Her eyes snapped up at me, fire burning in her irises.

“What the hell Anakin?!”

She sounded as hurt as she looked, I couldn’t bare it. But I also couldn’t force my mouth open to speak. So I did what I do best, avoided it. I left the tub in a hurry, not caring that I’d left a lake of water in the floor as it splashed over the edge.

“Fine. Whatever.” She whispered under her breath. It wasn’t fine, and it wasn’t whatever. It was wrong of me… but I couldn’t say that right now.

I grabbed my robe and headed to grab some pajamas, hoping to hide myself away so I could contemplate which way I’d prefer to grieve the loss of my marriage when she served me with divorce papers tomorrow morning.

You had searched every corner of your shared quarters, and Anakin wasn’t sulking in any of them.

“Anakin!” You yelled and waited but got no response.

You threw on your slippers and grabbed a throw blanket to wrap around yourself as you left the warmth of your quarters to search for him in the cold corridors.

Once you’d made your way to the end of the hall, you turned left in the direction of his office. You passed a few troopers on your way who gave you a wide berth as they passed, not daring to make eye contact.

“Hey!” You said, trying to get their attention.

You startled them so badly that they collided into each other before they quickly turned to face you.

“Y-yes ma’- sorry.” One cleared his throat and started over, “Yes Empress?

“Where is Vader, I need to speak to him please?” You asked your polite tone never ceased to shock the subordinates and it shows.

“Oh-uh he…” one started, and another cut him off.

“Last I know he was headed in the direction of your quarters Empress. Shall we escort you?”

“No that’s not necessary. Thank you boys, carry on.”

You turned on your heels, padding down the hall back in the direction of your quarters. Leaving the stunned troopers behind you.

Soon after arriving home again you searched the apartments. Finally giving up when you realized his helmet was missing from the spot it landed on the floor. You resigned to crawling into bed alone, for the first time in years.

Tag List:

@tsugumiholic

@kingdomhate

@burnthecheshirewitch

Let me know if you wanna be added/removed!

Thanks for being so understanding. I’m truly devastated that I lost part of this post. I’ll do my best to re-write it better than the original😭

[obislittleone]

CWM Oneshot: The Toil of Darth Vader

Hi, yes, this is my gift to you on may the fourth!! it is a sad and terrible oneshot surrounding anakin because i just felt like it.

Warnings: so much bro, just... so much. self hatred, depression, mentions of death and murder, mentions of self harm?? it's not traditional self harm but it still counts ig...

Summary: Darth Vader is the hatred that Anakin Skywalker exudes, but where does the hatred come from? (Obi-Wan is not mentioned in this, it's more of a little diddy about Anakin (Vader) and the women he used to have in his life, and the repercussions of not having them in his life.)

anyways happy may the fourth!!

He was the embodiment of evil.

His dark nature and tall stature made him the most intimidating creature in the universe. He dares not say human anymore, because that would mean he looked like one. He hadn't looked or felt human since the day his life ended.

He had glimpses of when he was alive before this, memories he wished he could burn like the skin of his body, torturous reminders of everything he had, everything he gave up. He knew it was all too late. How could he himself be redeemed when it was by his hand all redemptive acts were killed off.

He feels grief, and it fuels him. It fuels his anger and his hatred, and by this, he lives. Not as he wants to, but as he has to. He has to have power... but what is power without gain? The last ten years he stands to gain nothing for himself and everything for the empire. That was the plan all along, wasn't it? For Palpatine to use him as his primary enforcer and guard dog?

He knows all these things, and they plague him. He regrets his every move of every day, but he still goes on. He kills people, viscously, ruthlessly. Innocent people that should never know suffering, he inflicts terror upon. And he does it to punish himself.

He was meant to be the embodiment of good. The only thing that stood a chance in bringing balance to the force. The balance has not been made, and he wreaks havoc to make it worse. He does not deserve to, after all this time, make amends. He doesn't deserve his redemption. He wants to feel pain and suffering and hatred and malice for the rest of his life, because it is the complete opposite of what should have been. One wrong decision, and it cost him his life.

Everyone he ever loved. Everyone he ever trusted and wished happiness upon.

His beautiful wife, and the children that never were. His closest friend and sister. His padawan, an ally he looked closely after.

All of these are dead to him, though he does not know of Ahsoka. He assumes after everything that happened, being mounted on an aircraft with half of the 501st, she stood no chance.

He sees all three, visions of the force, often memories that refuse to leave his mind. Some are just hallucinations that he finds are both a comfort and torture to him. Comforting because, he would give anything to see their faces again, but torture because, he is the reason he knows he never will.

He sees Padme in everything that is beautiful. Every lush planet he visits with the notion of destruction, he stops to look around. See the frightened faces of the people who could be smiling. He sees the nature of these places and remembers how she used to look out at scenery that was similar. She had such a romantic way about her, with everything she spoke. Even in the senate, she looked for the goodness... always.

He wonders how she ever saw it in him, even from the beginning. He was always destined for this, for the cruelty and brutality. He thinks it, anyway.

He sees Ahsoka in people's humanity. In the aftermath of the empire's crushing stomps, there are helping hands willing to lend themselves to another. There are still good people in the galaxy, and he thinks it's up to him to ruin that, because he is the ruiner of goodness and peace and serenity.

Ahsoka would look at him in such shame if she even caught whiff of what he'd become. He imagines she would try her best to abolish every aspect of him, and she was right to do so... but still if it ever happened, he could not lose. He can't let himself have the satisfaction of letting compassion consume him. He's too gone for it.

He sees his sister in fiery flames, in things that burn red and hot and uncontrollable with passion... but whenever the fire burns out he remembers the way she did, her fire still burning through those that she carried to safety. He remembers his last exchange with her often, the look in her eye one of fear and distrust and complete heartbreak.

His best friend, his most loyal ally, even to the end. Amidst the wreckage of a burning Temple full of slaughtered Jedi, she came back to save him... but he'd been dead already. Anakin Skywalker died long before she did, and this creature, this thing is what remains.

He sees her the most often, sitting at the end of a dark hallway, looking at him with toil and anger. He finds himself speaking to the apparitions when no one is near.

"You must leave me," he pleads, the words always met with a reply in her own voice, though it's echoing and in shambles.

"There's no leaving what one has never arrived to."

"Will I ever know peace?" He sometimes begs, but he knows what the answer is, he created it.

"You will reap what you have sewn. I am only here to remind you..."

And still he suffers. These visions of her are never happy. He remembers happy things about Ahsoka and Padme. He curses his mind when he does, but it's still possible. He never manages to see a smile on her face like he used to. It brings him more pain but he uses that as well. He has endless fuel for power in the dark side, so long as he remains miserable and full of hatred.

He hates so many things. But most of all himself, and it will never change. He is not the long dead Anakin Skywalker, he is what remains.

The lord of a darkness that has consumed him whole, Darth Vader.

-

lol i wrote this in like 20 minutes i just had so many thoughts.

[junhwe0309]

What Ekkreth Knew of Fear

Shmi once told Anahkeen the story of how Ekkreth became free, because Depur has a thousand cruelties, but Ekkreth has a hundred thousand tricks. No one can hold the Sky-walker forever, because the Sky-walker wears a thousand faces and countless forms.

In the desert, a red and black bird flew, and when it came time, a god became chained to mortal flesh, borne of no father and shed of his feathers. When Anahkeen was born, rolling thunder and chilling rain blanketed Tatooine.

When Ekkreth walked amongst mortals once more, he hungered. He hungered because Qui-Gon Jinn told him the Jedi were not here to free slaves. He hungered because he wanted more than anything, for Obi-Wan to listen to him, because he is Anahkeen’s father, despite how he will never acknowledge it. He hungered because he walked free but the nameless and numbered did not. He is hungry, but never starving.

He burned and seethed, the anger rolling around him like shifting sands, because Ar-Amu teaches her children anger. May anger nurture sparse roots and water harrowed leaves and remind those who carry fear to hold it close to their hearts so that they may till rebellion. The Amavikkan have no water to waste on tears.

Anahkeen rages and disobeys with gnashing teeth in ways that the Masters chafe at. He defies his superiors and breaks bends rules, both small and big. He plots a hundred thousand little acts of resistance and prays countless times to the desert gods. It is easier to let others come to their own conclusions than to tell them of your own suffering. Obi-Wan does not know and tries to impart the importance of serenity and discipline onto Anakin. Bandomeer is a place long lost to Obi-Wan.

But Anahkeen cannot forget what Shmi Sky-walker has taught him. He knows as he prays, all gods who receive homage are cruel. Ar-Amu cries no longer, but instead raises frenzied sand and howling dust to tear off the skin of the Krayts and bury both Depur and Amavikkan alike. All gods dispense suffering without reason. Otherwise they would not be worshiped. Shmi whispered to him under a dark sky and shifting lands that it is through indiscriminate suffering men know fear and fear is the most divine emotion. 

Fear is the path to the oasis. Fear leads to the soil, and the soil leads to the seeds. The seeds lead to rebellion. Half gods are worshiped in food and flowers. Real gods are paid in blood.

All these things Anahkeen remembers and holds close to his heart change very little. Shmi still paints the desert red as her final moments worship the gods. Obi-Wan becomes more lost to him. Ahsoka always leaves him. All these things Anahkeen buries have yet to make a difference. But now years of blood have tilled the seeds.

He Who Brings Rain knew in his blood that the storm would rage on, and he that one day, he would father from the storms, Lukka and Lei-yah. Two children born amongst blood and suffering and destined for lives their father could not understand. For the mighty one and the desert storm, two ways and infinite manners to communicate love in a language borne from secrets and lovelessness, it is the greatest gift a father who had nothing could give.

It is with this realization of what will be that Anahkeen changes what could be. It is treason.

“Fives... I believe you.”

Dukkra ba dukkra.

[aastxrk]

𝐑𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐃𝐀𝐖𝐍- Prologue

pairing: Cassian Andor × OC, Master!Darth Vader× Apprentice!reader, slightly Obi Wan Kenobi × reader (platonic)

next part

"It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

The words were merely a whisper, soundless awe of the horrifically beatific sight before her. The melodic whistling and singing of the gushing wind are deemed similar to the hymns sung and shared when bidding farewell, a final goodbye to the one bounded by a cold casket. And the woman took it nothing but as an act of pure mockery. An ultimate laugh from the makers above for the situation that was Scariff. The sentiments brooded until a familiar voice softened out, causing her to only turn. 

"It sure is." Glimmering he kept his eyes trained on her, like how he had for the past few hours and the past many lifetimes, and how he would for many more even if it means that it would all end in a destined downfall like this. He kept his eyes trained on her, with its edges softened with the utmost adoration and love that no one could have for anyone except him for her. 

Leisurely he placed his soot-covered hand atop her very own, which had pressed itself stoically upon the beachy sand. The woman wanted to laugh at the irony, the one who had created her and made her what she was today, was now going to be the one who would take it away from her. The dawn was only getting brighter, and brighter with each passing second.  

But what was this dawn if not a harbinger of an eternal light that would connect paradises, but she knew. She always knew that the path to paradise always begins in hell. And Dawn's hell for her upcoming paradise began a decade back or so. 

"Let go Dawn!" the Jedi's desperate calls echoed through the crumbling and smoky opening of the Cavern. But all the teen could see was a dusty and distant silhouette of the sizzling lightsaber, and the equally distant tensed stature of her friends, the Jedi, and the kid. 

She could hear the cluttering and heaving of her breath throughout her ears' entirety. It all seemed so distant. Seemed so distant. The audio of her breath cascaded with that of a now forming shrilled ringing, which only tunneled all sorts of auditory senses furthermore. The Jedi and her friend had kept calling, yelling for her, but she couldn't move, the bend of her covered knees had glued itself to the debauched mixture of plasma and sand that covered most of the hardened floor, and her heart was pounding with a rhythmic beat, which seemed eerily similar to the rhythmic and rather mechanical hisses which breath from the Sith's mask.

Fury had engulfed him whole. Not only did they underestimate his former master, but they had also left him with a lightsaber and now he was gone. His cloak swished with the vigor of his metallic steps and in no time, he force opened the exit, which caused a domino effect on the next one too. 

Pure wrath flooded the flowing blood and mechanic bolts of the sith lord, as without wasting any time he forwarded his hand to the flying cruiser, and without wasting any more further time the transport froze haltingly in the muck-tainted atmosphere. 

Continuing his rhythmic mechanical hisses, once what was the living being of Anakin Skywalker, forwarded a leg to regain more power and at the same time, get a more grounded stance on the cracked ground. 

The cruiser was almost down, succumbing to its merciless controller until it wasn't. 

There was a change of force. 

There faltered a dramatic stop in Vader's breath. He could feel an equivalent powerful life force nearby, only it was that of pure light, the one that contradicted his to a high extent, but the force and strength were equivalent to his nonetheless. Utterly stunned, the dark lord turned his head behind him. 

Only for it to fall upon a kid, a mere teenager with a beskar-kyber blended necklet. A mere teenager whose wild brown mane flew outwards due to the sheer pressure the freighter was blowing. A mere teenager with ominous pair of brown eyes, who had her hand extended towards the ship, trying to bring it down. 

She let out a loudened shriek, the pitch and pure rawness of her tone could shatter any glasses nearby. 

He almost let go, wanting to know to what extent the kid's power might go, but at the same time he wanted the head of Obi-Wan Kenobi. 

Keeping his amused gaze trained on the girl, with a simple falling of his hand, the freighter thudded down to the ground, and the kid remained unfazed, stoic, and even a little bit threatening. 

Vader didn't care how the transport he just brought down was a decoy, or the fact that the actual, passenger-filled ship was now fleeing through the bay doors, his attention and pure amusement being towards the teen. 

"Lord Vader." One of the generals rushed, his hand clutching his shoulder, three to four stormtroopers on either of his sides. Having caught and noticed that the force-sensitive child they had picked up from Lahmu was force-sensitive, the general didn't waste his time in signaling his troopers to kill the said child. 

Whatever confidence or fury Dawn had soon started dying down when she saw the numerous blasters being pointed in her direction. Unknitting the angered crease of her eyebrows, Dawn faltered a step back. The contorted features of her face smoothening to that of a fearful worried one. All the breath from her lungs seemed to be punched out as she soon became a panting mess, each ounce of air that she took in felt far too precious seeing that she was facing her inevitable death, at the hands of the Empire, because she showed off the one thing her father had begged her to never show anyone, an Imp nonetheless. 

Accepting the dreary fate of death that now felt carved in her life, Dawn closed her eyes, bending her head down to not see what they were to do with her.

A blaster went off. 

But as if on cue, at the same time, there sizzled the commotion of a lightsaber igniting. And the red hues of the blaster shot soon were blocked by the equally reddened laser of the kyber.

With furrowed brows, Dawn squint her eyes open, only for them to catch the view of the sith-lord right in front of her, with his back faced to her, as he deflected and reflected all the shots, protecting her nonetheless. 

Still bearing a protective stance, Darth Vader turned to Dawn—who was currently fearfully glancing at the troopers who were now writhing on the ground. 

Taking a few necessary steps towards the child, he forwarded a hand, "Come with me, more will be here soon." 

[fellthemarvelous]

Star Wars taught me more about love and compassion than Christianity ever did.

The Skywalker Saga is ultimately a testament to what love is all about. It inspires hope. It motivates and encourages growth, and it's relevant now more than ever as we stare down the face of oncoming fascism, wondering why unconditional love is considered a weakness.

The lesson we learned from Star Wars is that love and compassion can save us while also establishing boundaries and accepting that we cannot control others, but we can control how we treat others in our lives.

Anakin Skywalker, born of what Christians would call "immaculate conception" to Shmi Skywalker, was destined to bring balance to the Force (the light of life that flows through us all). He was physically the strongest Force wielder in the entire galaxy and he was unbeatable.

Falling to the dark side was Anakin's choice. He knows he wiped out an entire community of Tusken Raiders, and he knows he allowed his anger, his grief, and his hatred to control his actions when he slaughtered them, comparing them to animals in an attempt to justify his actions. He expressed his guilt and disappointment with himself when he told Padme he killed the women and children too. It didn't change the love she had for him. She reminded him that anger is an emotion and everyone experiences it, but she never addressed the fact that he slaughtered a family of Tusken Raiders because he wasn't able to save his mom on time. She was the only one who knew other than Palpatine.

She was the one to encourage him to save Obi-Wan on Geonosis. She hadn't lost faith in his ability as a Jedi despite the heinous act of genocide Anakin committed like five seconds ago. Seeing the good person in him blinded her to his sin. He understood he did a horrible thing, and he allowed it to motivate him to protect everyone he could while still trying to focus on his wife (and his unborn child[ren] who helped him save the galaxy).

Padme was there the first time he fell to the dark side, a light in the dark, an acceptance he'd never felt before in his life (he was always trying to beat Obi-Wan because he thought he had to prove himself).

Palpatine was there the second time he fell to the dark side, and it was his confusion and his fear that drove him to become a sith apprentice. The strongest Force wielder in the galaxy had fallen to the dark side because the only light left in Anakin's life was dying and he feared that he would not be able to live with himself once she was gone. He was right because he lost hope. The moment she died is the moment Darth Vader, as we all know him, was born. That light that was already flickering was blown out like a candle. He even lost his unborn child.

He lost everything because he was never able to let go. He was destined to die alone with no loved ones by his side because he'd been unable to save everyone.

In the end, he loved his children unconditionally, and he wanted to protect them, but he ultimately knew that the only way for him to bring balance to the Force would result in his death, and that it would be his choice to sacrifice himself to save the lives of his children. He finally understood what it meant to let go because the light of love persevered and he got to properly see his son's face before dying to save the ones he loved. And it was everyone because he was a Jedi and he was NOT going to let the darkness consume him anymore.

He died knowing that he had saved the most important person to him in the galaxy and it was his moment to save EVERYONE like he had always wanted to. Things had to happen this way in order for him to fulfill the prophecy of the Chosen One.

Anakin Skywalker came back at the exact moment he was needed because it was the time when he was able to free everyone in the galaxy. He helped enslave the people he swore to protect, and it was acts of unconditional love and faith from Padme, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, Rex, Luke, and Yoda.

I think people need to stop looking at Anakin becoming a Force ghost as the equivalent of him getting into heaven. Just because he was a monster doesn't mean he deserves to be remembered ONLY as a monster because his actions, though terrible, were always part of his destiny. Anakin Skywalker was the Chosen One. Nothing could have changed the trajectory of his life. It was the sacrifice that would lead to balance in the Force and renew the lives of trillions across the galaxy. Letting go of his past allowed him to accept the situation he was presently in and accept that he had to die in order to save everyone. Being the Chosen One actually meant something and the Force had not made a mistake choosing him.

The future of the Jedi must know the history of the past Jedi and how their actions led to their downfall. They all did terrible things in the war in the name of peace because they wanted to save the galaxy from what Anakin had the potential to become, not realizing that they would be betrayed by those most loyal to them throughout the war.

Their mistake was not having the balance necessary to give Anakin the guidance he needed, which left him vulnerable to the influence of the sith. The war clouded their judgment because they couldn't see that their enemies were fighting for the same thing.

It's important to acknowledge your past if there is any hope for the future.

Anakin becoming a Force ghost was not a reward. It was a second chance because he chose to be a Jedi in his final moments. It's a lesson to be remembered and a history that cannot be forgotten by remembering that there is always hope.

Anakin doesn't need to prove himself to anyone. He needed to prove that he was capable of trusting in the Force (in himself) in the end. He let go and found his balance, and that allowed the Force to achieve balance once more. It was the hope and the love that someone he barely knew had for him because he had been influenced by those Anakin loved most in life.

He accepted his fate and a sacrifice made for those you love is always worth remembering. Whether good or bad, it's an important lesson for people to learn.

No one is beyond redemption as long as they actively make the choice to spread their love and acceptance to everyone since it had once been their duty to protect everyone they could. They again became beacons of hope for many when they saw the Jedi were fighting back against the Empire.

They live on in spirit to serve as reminders of their past, the good and the bad.

[I've got an entirely separate but lengthy brain dump (these likely make no sense) about Ahsoka and how I think her death will lead us into the sequel trilogy and why I will always love her the most.]

Anakin chose to do the right thing in the end. It doesn't redeem him, but it shows that he was ready to accept the consequences of his actions. He's necessary as a cautionary tale but a lesson that love is what inspires people to take care of each other.

And he will always be remembered for not only the horrible things he did as Darth Vader, but the love he'd once had that had made him such an exceptional Jedi in the first place.

He got lost in the dark but found his way back to the light. The Jedi never realized that they would also have to lose everything in order for balance to be restored because they had amassed too much power and lost sight of their true purpose.

[gffa]

Light of the Jedi | by Charles Soule VINDICAAAAAAAAATION.  Because, yes, the Jedi Order is correct about this and how it works with the Force, that the dark side is about embracing anger and fear, letting them bite into your heart, and that the only way to stay in the light is to discipline yourself against those feelings. The High Republic Jedi Order teaching that, in theory, the only fear should be in sensing it in others, that’s the idealized goal they seek, not the reality they live with, that they all work hard to purge those feelings from themselves, which is exactly what they’re supposed to be doing. This is why we see things like Luke having to go into the cave on Dagobah to confront his fears about Darth Vader, he has “only what he takes with him” in there, because it’s an important step to becoming a Jedi. This is why we see the prequel era Jedi younglings being taken to Ilum specifically to face their fears, that they must acknowledge them and let them go, before the temple will show them to their destined kyber crystal. This is why the Jedi Temple on Lothal shows Ezra and Kanan and Ahsoka visions about the things that they’re fearful of, it’s trying to get them to confront those feelings within themselves. This is why Qui-Gon Jinn and Mace Windu both say that Jedi need to be mindful of their feelings, which means being aware of them, acknowledging them, that this leads to not letting those emotions wildly control you. This is why Depa Billaba tells Caleb Dume that his feelings should be cherished, but they should not rule him. This is why Obi-Wan is very clear to Anakin that of course feelings are allowed, but they must control them, usually right after Anakin has destroyed a room because he lashed out in anger or nearly beat some guy to death because he was mad. This is why Cyslin Myrr teaches Mace that his angry feelings are valuable, but they must be tempered and turned to better avenues, to be controlled rather than them controlling him. The spectrum of feelings in sentient beings have always been acknowledged by the Jedi Order and the entire purpose is to deal with them and let them go, to turn to the light again and again, every day.  And this book is very clear in illustrating that fear makes people do stupid things, that the Jedi have to stop and take a deep breath, let go of their own fear and nerves, before they can hear the Force, before they can act calmly and efficiently, because they must release that fear before they hurt someone.

[dai-bendu-conlang]

Jesara! Uera'ah foh a'ain nevi sedoremak vrhu nak kewanan uu Dai Bendu. ¿A'ainah keel nev det zera? [tried] foh: Tumi eno'ah sooan, ji tumi eno'ah kai'an; tumi eno'ah imleoan, ji tumi eno'ah wanan (leoan?); tumi eno'ah (passion), ji tumi eno'ah (serenity); tumi eno'ah (chaos), ji tumi eno'ah aimato; tumi eno'ah keraian, ji tumi eno'ah Dai. [aiming for: Hello! I would like to translate the Jedi Code Mantra into Dai Bendu. How would you say this? I tried:] Qasreash!

i tried to translate some of the classic meditation mantra into dai bendu (the one everyone calls the code). there were some limitations in vocab, so i just went with the last part. i ended up translating it as "xai eno'ah imkerai'anak mellu, eno'ah dai", my attempt at "where (because of the force) there is no death, is the force." i didn't quite know where to put "mellu" though tbh

Have you done the Jedi mantra in Dai Bendu? Specifically the version which goes "Emotion, yet peace/Ignorance, yet knowledge" etc?

Hello! Sorry for the late reply, Tevya, we already discussed this on the server, but here for the public:

There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force.

Im tumi tamah soo’yth, ji xai enoah kai’an. Im tumi tamah delahm, ji xai enoah leo’yth. Im tumi tamah bexlyth, ji xai enoah maijah. Im tumi tamah chiiuth, ji xai enoah aimato. Im tumi tamah kerai’yth, ji xai enoah Dai.

Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet the Force.

Soo’yth, kyii kai’an. Delahm, kyii leo’yth. Bexlyth, kyii maijah. Chiiuth, kyii aimato. Kerai’yth, kyii Dai.

Life would be easier if we could just leave the code here, but unfortunately this is something the fandom fights and dissects over and over again. Therefore, we will elaborate a little on our word choices here and our interpretation of the code. First things first, we say this openly: This is, of course, yet another interpretation of the code. This is colored by our view on the Jedi and what we assume this code is supposed to mean and serve as. We don’t claim this is The Meaning Of The Code, but the way we understand it in English and then attempt to give it nuance in Dai Bendu. You are, of course, welcome to disregard this or make your own translation of it!

That being said, let’s get started with the purpose of the code. First, something about i’s history. Research done by the wonderful @ilummoss in this post.

What is now commonly called the “Jedi Code” originates from a 1987 roleplaying rulebook (Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game)

The second “yet” version shows up in Kanan: First Blood

This “code” is a mantra and not a code of conduct/law

Now let’s turn to the purpose of the Code/Mantra! The Jedi Code is one of the first things the younglings learn in the temple, which we assume means that you kind of learn it at the age you also end up learning nursery rhymes. You can see them chant it, repeat it. The purpose of mantras is to help focus/calm your mind. So, what conclusion can we draw from this? This Code is likely supposed to help the children focus on their connection to the Force so it must be an instrument to teach them how to interact with it.

From this, we draw our first conclusion: The second half of each line (peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony) is about the Force. The Force is all of these attributed.

Our second conclusion, derived from this, is that the first half of each line (emotion, ignorance, passion, chaos, death) are the things you bring with you into the Force. In moderation, all of these things are good. Being happy, knowing which knowledge is good for you, being passionate about something you love, knowing life can be a bit chaotic, and death, which is a part of life.

However, when you don’t keep those in check, they overwhelm you, twist and become negative. Contrasting Obi-Wan, who does feel emotion, deeply, and yet doesn’t get overwhelmed, while Anakin does and it ruins him, shows this very neatly. So these aspects can all be wonderful, but you have to be careful not to drag them with you into the Force or use them to access the Force in such a way.

Now, let’s get started on our translation. Let’s start easy with the nouns and do it line by line:

There is no emotion, there is peace. - Im tumi tamah soo’yth, ji xai enoah kai’an

soo’yth, nominalization of the verb soo, which means “to feel” in an emotional sense. kai’an, meaning “inner peace” As in being at peace with yourself e.g. basically the state required for Force Ghosting.

This line is pretty similar to its English equivalent. We wanted to emphasize that peace is not a state of being that’s everywhere or political, but it’s something inside you. The quiet in the eye of the storm.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. - Im tumi tamah delahm, ji xai enoah leo’yth

delahm is an interesting noun as it refers to “ignorance” as well as “the inability to help”. We wondered what kind of background a term such as ignorance has especially in the context of the Jedi valuing knowledge and learning a lot. As such we defined that “ignorance” would correspond more closely to the inability to help. As long as you know something, or aware of where you stand, you are not helpless. leo’yth is the nominalization of the verb leo meaning “to know” and so “knowledge”.

With this line, we really wanted to dig into this idea of knowledge is not just factual knowledge, but also wisdom. And if you act without wisdom, ignorant, perhaps even purposefully so, this is not something to favor. Of course nobody is expected to know everything, but you are supposed to remember, to know, that you can always ask others for help.

There is no passion, there is serenity. - Im tumi tamah bexlyth, ji xai enoah maijah

bexlyth is the nominalization of the verb bexl, which refers to covet/attached love and as the noun leans more into the concept of “passion” and “obsession”. maijah, on the other hand, translates as “serenity, calm, tranquillity”.

Our intention here was to elaborate on the huge dimension behind passion. Passion in and of itself is nothing bad, but it can be if it is done out of obsession. When considering that this mantra is used to interact with the Force, it might also demand that you leave every other thought behind and focus only on the Force.

There is no chaos, there is harmony. - Im tumi tamah chiiuth, ji xai enoah aimato

chiiuth means “chaos, destruction, unrest” where aimato is “harmony” and “cosmic balance”. Cosmic balance is here the state which we assume the Jedi want to achieve in the entire galaxy. When canon speaks of “there needs to be balance”, this is it.

Here we have chaos as everything that disrupts the harmony. Of course there is something such as good chaos, it would be quite boring if every day were the same, stagnant, but in this case we decide that chaos and destruction does not exist negatively in the Force. There are plants that require forest fires before they can sprout - the natural circle of life includes chaos and destruction, but only ever in a way that plays in harmony with its other parts, rebirth and healing.

There is no death, there is the Force - Im tumi tamah kerai’yth, ji xai enoah Dai

kerai’yth is the nominalization of the verb kerai, which means “to die”. This line is pretty much the same as the original version.

Now that we’ve got all the vocabulary done, let’s talk a bit about grammar. We’ll start with the first part of each sentence Im tumi tamah.

tamah is the present tense form of the temporary form of “to be”. We chose to use this instead of “enoah” to show that these states of being are temporary and not, like the Force and its attributes, eternal.

A little opposed to this is our choice of the consequential marker tumi. tumi marks a state of somethat that is currently happening and will continue to happen in the future. This is used mostly for statements of being. As you can see, this is in contrast to our choice of tamah, but the reason for that is hidden in our negation particle im.

Im, in this case, negates the whole expression. tumi tamah gives the speaker the understanding that something temporary is the current state of being, when negating this entire sentence, we get the translation that this temporary experience is not your new and eternal state of being.

Which brings us to the differences in syntax and overall translation. In the structure of the original Basic sentence, the negation only has scope over the noun. In There is no chaos, the “no” negates only “chaos”. The literal translation of the Dai Bendu version would be more along the lines of “Not is there any state of chaos”, which, of course, is a lot more wordy.

Now, on the flip side, we have there is. In Dai Bendu, we have ji xai enoah. ji means “but”. We inserted this preposition here to highlight the contrast and negation. The first half of each statement says what there is not, but that doesn’t mean you are lost because in the Force, you will find the other.

enoah is our eternal/permanent form of “to be”. The Force is eternal, it will forever be all these attributes the Jedi give to it. xai is our Force-influenced marker. It represents that an action took place because the Force destined it to be, it is “Force-willed” if you want. This makes the entire sentence a bit self-referential and implies that this state is eternal because the Force is and because the Force wants it to be. The Jedi believe singularly in the Light side of the Force and see the Dark as a corruption and poisoning of it. Therefore, the Force strives for peace, knowledge, serenity, harmony as much as it embodies it.

Now that we have discussed both statements, we can put together a full literal translation:

There is no emotion, there is peace turns into Not is there a state of emotion, but the Force wills there to be peace within itself. 

And that is, all in all, a pretty sweet mantra to hold onto.

Now! For some explanation on the shortened version. We know that both versions existed during the prequels at the same time, which suggests two things: either they were both passed on independently/complementary, or they are identical in meaning.

Emotion, yet peace - Soo’yth, kyii kai’an

The word “yet” is very interesting because its meaning is inherently “despite that/but/even though”, which means that this shortened form of the mantra can actually be read identically to the long one. By striking the negation out of the sentence, you need a preposition with that inherent negative meaning, which is something “yet” is capable of!

So in our reading of this shortened mantra, it’s identical to the long one, but given how many syllables the long one has, it’s no wonder they have the Initiates recite the short one. So there is no secret “oh no, the Jedi don’t acknowledge emotions so we need this updated better version of the code!” hidden away here.

[sheepfulsheepyardinspace]

Do you have any Star Wars fanfic recommendations, or have a link to someone else's list? I really wanna veg out.

oh my god, DO I. this may have been the best ask in the world. i’m not really sure what u want a feel for, so i threw together some of my favorite longfics for maximum veg time from the ot/pt and links for swr and swtcw recs. they’re pretty much all luke-anakin/vader centric, since that’s kinda my bread and butter.

let’s start with frodogenic, who wrote the first longfic i ever read in sw and might be one of the funniest authors ever. they once reviewed my fanfic & i nearly cried from joy. anyway. 

The Father, 284k+, complete. “Ten years after ROTS, tormenting nightmares of his unborn child drive Darth Vader to extraordinary measures with unexpectedly drastic consequences. Clearly, experience has taught Darth Vader nothing...” 

this is my og star wars fic and boy oh boy is it amazing. i will never get over this. i don’t want to spoil anything but when i say the final chapters are great? i mean they’re legendary. sometimes i still think about them & wish upon a star that i could be such a great writer. vader’s amazing, han is spectacular, and the ocs are fantastic.

Far More Than Rubies, 70k+, complete. “Nine years after AOTC, tragedy revisits the Lars Homestead. Little Luke Skywalker is suddenly plunged into chaos as the rebel movements discover a secret military project that may make a crucial difference in the war with the Empire.”

the spiritual twin of The Father, FMTR takes a look at padmé’s character and relationship with both luke and anakin/vader that’s hard to beat. it’s darker and heavier than The Father, but it hits those same sweet, sweet emotional beats while raising the age-old question: if padmé had lived, what would she have done?

The Family Tree, 12k, complete. “In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he's got company...”

okay, i admit, this isn’t a longfic, but it is a longshot, and it’s amazing. the imagery and description always blow me away, and the interaction (canon-compliant) between luke and vader just [chef’s kiss] get me. vader’s in full, glorious form, and it makes it all the harder when luke wrestles with the knowledge that vader is his father.

Sibling Revelry, 25k, complete. “After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He's even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected.”

this is complete crack and humor in the best way possible. it’s crack treated entirely seriously, and you will be in stitches, i promise. no matter how many times i’ve read this i break down.

KittandChips (@kittandchips) writes what i can only describe as food for the soul. the luke-vader interaction is insanely amazing, the world building of daily imperial life and imperial governance is amazing, and vader just has a special je ne sais quoi that u must read to understand––tragic, funny, and so, so fatherly. they’re currently rewriting the Force Bond Series to fit in with newer canon, so i will joyously binge reread the entire again (including the new Force Bond: Mustafar Weekend).

Force Bond 1: Orphan, 47k, complete. “After Owen and Beru are killed by a mysterious stranger, young Luke ends up as an orphan on Coruscant. It's a race against time as Obi-Wan struggles to find Luke before Vader realizes the boy is his son.”

Orphan kicks off the series, which tracks vader and luke’s relationship through the perils of luke’s teenagerhood while growing up under the eye of the emperor and imperial court. it’s filled with slow growth, struggle and misunderstandings as darth vader tries to single parent, and pay off in every installment. the entire series clocks in around 777k+ and is the most joyful, fulfilling reading you’ll ever have. promise.

darth-nickels (@darth--nickels) writes darker, twistier, and terribly, terribly heartwrenching aus. they’ve got a whole host, but let me introduce to my two favorites. also, check out their faux-academia on vader. it’s amazing and i love it, but i admit i am an academia hoe.

Dooku Captured, Pt 2, 16k, complete. “Dooku is taken alive onboard the Invisible Hand, and Sidious' web is torn. The Sith Lord wonders if death might have been preferable to clumsy interrogation by Anakin Skywalker.”

Dooku Captured is a longshot au told from Dooku’s pov which takes the beginning of ROTS and throws it on its head. it’s a fascinating outside perspective of anakin and obi-wan’s relationship and such and interesting examination of dooku’s psyche and especially his complex relationship with the jedi order, qui-gon, yoda, and palpatine. i cannot rec this one enough.

Black Mirror, 90k, incomplete. “The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history.”

Black Mirror diverges into swr territory, but make no mistake: this is entirely an examination of vader and, later, obi-wan as well as ahsoka. luke makes his appearance later in the game, and boy oh boy will you love luke’s portrayal is a microcosm of luke and vader’s relationship within canon. heed the tags, though.

jerseydevious ( @jerseydevious ) is, first and foremost, one of my favorite people on earth. secondly, though, she’s an amazing writer with a deep understanding of vader’s character and psyche, a flair for beautiful depictions, and the true ability to wring every emotion out of your body.

Two and a Half Men (with a baby), 13k, incomplete. “After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.”

Two and a Half Men will stick with you, dude. like no other. i promise. it’s a whirlwind ride with obi-wan, vader, and piett and as funny as it is heartbreaking. it touches on some heavy issues and doesn’t shy away from looking at the damage done to vader––again, heed the tags.

Helioseismology, 4k, complete. “Luke gets shot down on a supply run and caught in an ice storm. It's extremely lucky that his father followed him there.“

i’ll admit. im completely biased about this one because it was a birthday gift to me and i am sucker for litcherally anything when jd puts pen to paper, but believe me when i say you will be awed by the depth and tangled relationships between these luke and vader that jersey can illustrate in a stroke of the paintbrush. im love. always.

izzythehutt ( @izzythehutt ) i am blown away by the intricate dialogue and characterization, always. and the latin puns? im sold. im also a sucker for latin puns, but that’s a story for a different time.

In Loco Pirates, 34k, complete. “A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.”

hondo, aka the best character of swtcw, is brought to life just as vividly on paper as on screen. his entire personality brings luke and vader’s difficulties in a sort of incredulous light, which makes it as funny as it is vulnerable and tragic. the sequel, Palpatine Ad Portas, brings piett into the spotlight, and oh man do his interactions with palpatine and vader bring u all the uncomfortable vibes. relish in it.

sparklight ( @littlesparklight ) man. lemme introduce u to an amazing prolific and detailed writer. i will never get over the series they’ve written & neither will u.

Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn’t Get Away, 122k, incomplete. “One-shots surrounding either AU situations of canon/legends works where Luke would normally have gotten away (or Vader is simply inserted into the action to come pick his child up) but in these instances doesn't, or completely new scenarios of the same. There are no deep ruminations on consequences of the situations here, just our awful Sith dad picking his son up when he'd rather not be.”

exactly what it says on the tin. u know those glorious moments of fanfic where luke’s gotten captured and ur on pins and needles, waiting for vader to show up in a moment of dark glory? here’s the moment. here’s all the moments.

Space Race, 122k, incomplete. “Owen gives in to Luke's wish to attend the Imperial Academy and Obi-Wan is too late to avert it, though he's not too late to make sure Luke leaves Arkanis before Vader can gets his hands on him. Luke spends over a month running around the galaxy before his father gets him, and from there...”

this story relishes in chase and boy is it fun. it will keep you on the edge of your seat and it’s an amazing ride.

The Suns of Tatooine, 85k, complete. “Luke ends up on a moon swamped in dark side energy after a mission goes wrong, then his father appears... and then they go on a bit of a learning experience. This could've been the only thing that would come of getting through a Sith complex with his father, but thanks to going to free Han earlier than the gang did otherwise, more revelations are had. Will that change anything?”

this series is a thoughtful, contemplative piece examining the nature of the force and the relationship the skywalkers have with tatooine. the descriptions are beautiful, the inventiveness is amazing, and you’ll be thinking about it for long afterwards.

an additional few…

Between Flight and Longing; 34k, complete. “Luke Skywalker and Han Solo journey to the planet Balen'ar on a desperate mission and find more than they'd bargained for.”

a classic and it is for a reason. the interaction between han, luke, and vader is so spectacular and the slow trudge of going through the forest with your greatest enemy and best friend is something hilarious. the end is bittersweet and fantastic.

The Sith Who Brought Life Day, 13k, complete. “An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.”

somewhere between terrifying and dull, this fic presents a canon-compliant look at the hunt for luke and the grinding wheels of the empire. the oc is amazing and it echoes in true star wars spirit: sometimes it’s just some dude who can change the galaxy.

Quintessence, 5k, complete. ‘“Well, Master, I think I’ve found the one positive aspect of this situation.” “Which is?” “The Temple won’t have to pay the costs for our funeral pyres.”’

pure hilarity and shenanigans abound in pre-aotc obi-wan and anakin hijink goodness. lemme tell u––u will deeply sympathize with mace windu afterwards. additionally, check out the rest of the author’s oneshots! they’re deeply thoughtful and the interactions the author writes between obi-wan and anakin are always gold.

some extras & shameless self-promotion

here’s a full list of recommendations for star wars rebels fanfic in case this is what you’re looking for (remember when this used to be a swr blog, lmao)

i’ve also written sw fanfic, both swr and luke-vader centric. drop by and tell me if it’s any good!

[kyberphilosopher]

The Tower

“We are encouraged to love... We are encouraged to love... We are encouraged to love.” Word Count: 3169 [This is a repost]

“When the Tower card appears in a Tarot reading, expect the unexpected – massive change, upheaval, destruction and chaos. It may be any event that shakes you to your core, affecting you spiritually, mentally and physically... Just when you think you’re safe and comfortable, a lightning bolt of clarity and insight cuts through the lies and illusions you have been telling yourself, and now the truth comes to light... The Tower reversed suggests that you are undergoing a significant personal transformation and upheaval... At times, the reversed Tower can be a sign that you are resisting change and delaying the necessary destruction and upheaval. You may be in denial that change is occurring. Or you may be clinging to an old belief system even though you know they are no longer relevant or healthy for you... You may be forewarned or have an intuitive sense that something big is about to happen, and you can plan ahead to avoid the destruction that lies ahead...”  

                                   ━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

You had known of Anakin for a long, long time.

You’d been padawan’s together, training side by side as comrades. In your youth, you hadn’t talked often. Hadn’t talked at all, really. He was far more charismatic and daring than you were. His potential was more renowned and promised than anyone else. This made it hard not to be jealous of him as younglings, for it was so tantalizing to despise the golden boy.

He had everything. The respect of the council, one of the best possible masters, and a prophecy, warning everyone of his power and potential. It invalidated everyone around him without even really existing, like a language, or oxygen. But you weren’t jealous of the boy- no you weren’t. You couldn’t explain why, but he made you very sad. He made your tiny body wake up in cold sweats at night, like a nightmare disguised as a dream.

It didn’t end as younglings, like you thought it would. It continued on years later, into your teens, young adulthood, and beyond. It lingered on like smoke after a fire, or puddles after a storm for years to come.

You couldn’t explain why the boy was so troubling. Anakin’s smile was warm and welcomed, and his eyes shone like all the stars he’d sworn to visit. Even as a boy, his face was symmetrical and held the promise of a handsome man. So why was he so often the source of your night demons? Why did he make your pupils dilate and your heart give out a great warning?

You had seen what Anakin was, what he would become. You had seen what was inside his heart. You had seen... Darth Vader. For all that he was, for all that he would be. You were more than aware of the darkness that loomed over him like a shadow, trumping his compassion and forgiveness more often than not.

As a youngling, it came to you in flashes. You could recall several occasions that you had simply looked at Anakin, and then suddenly been transported to a vision of him gripping a woman’s hand so tight as he begged her not to let go. Behind him, a large, broad figure in a black cloak and devious helmet watches in silent stoicism.

Sometimes, it was something less clear. More often than not, it was simply a vague promise of a threat and decay. It ran through his veins like an ancient evil, eating away at him slowly and carefully.

"Oh, well,” your youngling mind had said. “It’s nothing,” you told yourself. And you had every reason to try to brush it off, if not for the shaking of your heart. Nobody else seemed to sense what you sensed, and if they did, they didn’t not feel it warranted an action.

But as you grew older, the feeling didn’t fade away as you thought. It became harder to ignore the more time went on, and training under Master Fisto had only encouraged you to never ignore your instincts. For instincts are one of the most important aspects of a Jedi’s life, and heeding them could never result in too big a loss.

In your teens, it was then you realized that this was something real. The flashes, the visions, the anxiousness in the pit of your stomach- it wasn’t something to just skip over. It was a warning.

You stared at the Skywalker often. Some people thought it was because you had a crush on him. Some people thought you had an enormous amount of loathing, or jealousy for him. Both were wrong. You were wondering about him, thinking about him. Keeping an eye out for him and others. You knew better than to trust him, of course, but you were too quiet a person to confront him in anyway. There was too much of a distance between you, and you never talked.

That was, until you were about seventeen, and he was eighteen. He would be turning nineteen soon, and your master had told you that Obi-Wan may be in contact with a rather important senator in due time.

In the temples library, you studied an old text. You felt more relaxed at the moment, melting as you ran your eyes over each of the words. Finding solace in the quieter things of life was welcome to you, because your mind was always so loud and intense.

“I have a question,” a voice suddenly said. Maker, it was so recognizable. Soft and calm, but still passionate and masculine. It was unique and both filled with emotion and lack of.

You look up from the text, turning around to look over your right shoulder. Anakin stood there, looking down at you with a long brown robe and padawan braid hanging over his shoulder.

Looking at him now, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d spoken to him. A month ago? A year ago? Five years ago? Never?

“Okay,” you said, calmly.

Anakin didn’t look like a threat. Although your veins were set ablaze at the mere thought and sight of him, the boy looked soft. He looked like a simple boy. Not a lord, or a Sith, or even much of a warrior. Anakin looked like the type of boy that was very easy to fall in love with. He looked like the type of boy that way easy to simply imagine yourself falling in love with.

Anakin licked his bottom lip before continuing his dialogue. “Would you happen to know if there’s any books here that mention Naboo? I thought you would know since I always see you reading in here.” He added the last part quickly, his deep blue eyes twinkling.

You hadn’t realized you were the only one that had been observing between the two of you. It made you a little warm inside, but in a muted way because of how the Order had trained you to regard emotions. You were an expert at keeping yours in line, and the thoughts about the young man in front of you had only accelerated this process from a young age.

You didn’t know the next time you would see the boy from this view ever again. It must’ve been the closest you’d ever been to each other, and you didn’t mind it so much. Anakin was handsome, probably the most handsome man you’d ever seen. The visions of him you’d received as younglings had been correct about his looks. He’d been blessed with starry, ocean colored eyes that crinkled and shone when he smiled. Dimples appeared around his smirk and his skin was easy to make pink with flattery.

“This one,” you said. You picked up the text you had just been reading, and flipped back to the page that mentioned Naboo’s culture and political stances. “Here.”

“You’re reading it. I’ll just read it when you’re finished.”

But you insisted. “It’s alright. I promise.”

The ancient, thick book slipped into the boys intelligent hands quickly. After everything he had given you, even if he hadn’t realized any of it, it was the first time you’d given something in return.

Anakin smiled in that little way that you’d observed so many times. The way that made one of the corners of his lips rise higher than the other, almost like a smirk. It wasn’t a smirk though. It was always sincere and soft, like maybe the boy wasn’t entirely sure how to smile. Even if Anakin had been destined to bring havoc to the galaxy, it made you incredibly sad to think that Anakin didn’t have much to smile for.

He looked down at the text with the smile for a few seconds before looking back at you. “Do you think Jedi are allowed to love?”

Your eyes lowered to the marble floors in thought. “Compassion is essential to a Jedi’s life,” you began, looking up to him slowly. “So I guess you could argue that, we are encouraged to love.”

Anakin smiled a little more. You could tell it hurt his cheeks a bit, like he had just been informed he’d been right about something, or gifted something he’d always dreamed of. “We are encouraged to love,” he repeated. “I like that.”

Anakin wasn’t a monster at all. How he would turn into one was beyond you. He was being... sweet. Kind and coy, like a man that all women lust after and men are jealous of. Almost like a dream in the form of a person. It’s had to remember that some dreams become nightmares.

It didn’t take long for you to fall in love with Anakin after that. Watching him during training and occasional classes felt more fluid, and the love you had for him grew into something that felt alive and tangible.

He was a good person, whatever the flaws he had. He could be emotional, and act out when he felt things were unjust. But he was also loyal to the bone, even when it hurt his relationships more than helped. He could be moody, and overly decisive. But when he loved someone, he would defend them with everything he had, until the last minute he had. This fact made it more than painful to see the future in which he was alone, only Anakin at some points, and responsible for the suffering of so many people.

You could see children- a boy and a girl. They would grow up differently, but have the same spirit and sense of justice, just like they’re father. They would be driven even when lost, and stand up for what they thought was right. They would’ve probably made bad Jedi, but good people.

No, they weren’t your children. This only bothered you a little before you accepted it and moved on. You weren’t sure who the mother was, but you know if a Jedi had a lover, it could only end in bad things.

One day, the nightmares and visions only grew worse. They had been menacing before, but by now they had grown into something more frightening than you had anticipated. In sleep, you could feel the suffering of men, women, and children. You could hear screams echoing and bouncing around your skull as the weight of detached heads rolled in circles. It was all a long, dull, prettifying rotation of oncoming doom, and you had managed to fall into love with the person who would be responsible for it all.

Desperately, you wanted to talk to Master Fisto about it. But what would he do? Surely, he would’ve believed you. But the council was... iffy. You didn’t always agree with them at times, often wondering if they themselves were corrupt. You didn’t always agree with the way that spoke to and about Anakin, even if you knew they would end up having every reason to be. What would they do with your information? They wouldn’t believe you, of course. They would keep a closer, distrusting eye on you. Especially Master Windu, who you respected and admired, but disagreed with all the same.

And so, you were in a bind.

You were bound to the love you possessed for Anakin, who was beginning his descent into the metal man. You knew what he had done to the people of the sand, to the men, women, and children. You knew how the desert had claimed so much from him throughout his life and his lungs, blooming into cacti in his lungs that would leave scars.

You were bound to the will of the Jedi Order, who you had submitted to and lived your life according to its rules. You were everything a Jedi should’ve been- calm, cool, neutral, understanding. Quiet and reserved, often, but dedicated and civil. This made you unsure when thinking about the last thing you were bound to.

Bound to the will of the future. In a way, everyone is bound to the will of the future. But you could see it with a clairvoyance that few could explain, and the knowledge that there was nothing you could do to change it. Even if you could, you wouldn’t.

It grew troubling. Seeing Anakin was a gift to ones eyes, but it began to make lumps form in your throat. Sometimes, you could look at him and see him set aflame, crying in agony. As someone who cared for him, it was painful. But as someone who could see into the future, it was confusing. He was, to all eyes, still a good and true person.

But you could see through it. You could see into his chest, to his core. Where his heart should’ve been was instead an ink black growth, which was spreading in every direction. Like a corruption, a virus. Living and breathing and existing inside its own entity, possessing the handsome boy.

One day, you looked at the boy you loved, and you saw something you couldn’t unsee. You could see your brothers turning on you. You could see the soldiers the Republic revered and held dear, aiming their weapons at those they had sworn to protect. You could see the Chancellor, in all his glory, rising into something above a Chancellor. He would become an Emperor, a King. He would last far beyond the bounds of life, with Anakin had his side and heel. And if good and evil had not existed before, it would begin to come alive with the number “66″.

You left in the night. You’d tried to tell Master Fisto, Maker help you. He hadn’t believed you, like you’d thought. You hadn’t told your troops, or said goodbye as a Commander. The only person you’d said goodbye to had been the person that had driven you to the decision.

“You look well,” he’d told you, doing that smile that caused you to fall in love with him in the first place. The one that made everything about him far more beautiful than it had been before, simply because smiling communicated to others that he was somewhat happy.

You hadn’t looked well, actually. You looked rather ill. Your mind, heavy with the burdening promise of the future, had turned your body pale. You bruised much easier, even though they were all covered under your robes. Deep plum and maroon circles rung your eyes from lack of sleep and excessive stress. But Anakin had always thought you were a pretty thing, and so he’d told you you looked nice anyway.

“And you,” you told him politely, watching as his face distorted between happy and covered in burns.

“The Council tells me you’ve been extremely efficient this year,” Anakin says, beginning to walk next to you with his hands clasped behind his back. It’s something he inherited from Obi-Wan, who was the person you had wanted to tell about his apprentice more than anyone. “They say you’re growing into a powerful Jedi, and a cunning warrior.”

You keep your eyes humble, glued to the floor below you. “Obi-Wan speaks highly of you.”

“But not the Council,” Anakin says. His eyes fall to the ground with the weight of his own words. You yourself can feel the darkness within spreading further through his chest, the frustration clouding his mind.

“I’m sure they see your abilities.”

“Do you?”

You tried not to look at him, but you did. Anakin’s hair had grown out and fallen in a way that you rather liked. He’d grown older, though not by much since you had decided to fall in love with him. His scar had added character to his face, and his full lips looked very nice and kissable. He was handsome, always would be. No matter what the future had in store for him, Anakin, burns and all, would be a sight to behold.

“I see you for what you are,” you told him. It wasn’t a lie. You really did. Anakin took it the way that he thought was best, as you’d hoped, not realized you could see in his mind and heart and what was yet to come.

“Master Y/N,” Anakin said, twirling around so he was walking backwards. The signature smiled appeared on his face again. “It seems you’ve been encouraged to love.”

You hadn’t known what to say. If someone were to ask you now, you still wouldn’t have known. You watched Anakin walk away then, his brunette hair dissolving into a final vision of flame and ash.

There was no note following your disappearance. No explanation that you had already given that was truly decipherable. Although you had tried to warn the Master you cared for so much, he had not believed you and suffered in its stead. Everyone had suffered in its stead.

One day, you would die. But not yet. Leaving the Order and your life was no easier than it was leaving Anakin, who you had repeatedly asked yourself not to love. You would live past his betrayal, past the Inquisitors bred to hunt you. Whether he wondered about you as you had him was unknown. That was past what you could see with your ever watchful eyes, who, conveniently, had ceased to show you glimpses of what was yet to come after you avoided the worst of it. You could only see the present, under the hood of your cloak and surrounding your walking stick.

And at night when you would remember your love, knowing what he had become by now, you would always remember your words like part of a meditation routine.

“We are encouraged to love,” you’d say, hoping he’d repeat them from across the galaxy in time with your own. “We are encouraged to love... We are encouraged to love.”

And then the tower falls with your dead Order, and you miss him all the more.

                                  ━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

Good evening. I hate mobile tumblr. Please read my stuff on a laptop if you can because mobile tumblr does me dirty. [this one is a repost]

Also was this good? I can’t tell if I’m satisfied with it or not. Remember to drink water.

This was not requested. I just didn’t want to put more words before the cut off because i thought it could ruin the look and there was already a lot of words. lolz. did i check for spelling errors? no

@omg-we-really-doo​ @fanficsforheartandsoul​ @haztory​ @kit-jpg​ @chokemeanakin​ @anakinswhore​

[forever-rogue]

I saw that you're open to write for Obi and I'm desperate need of some good Obi fluff, so can I request 31 and 76? 😊😊

31. “I’m here for your protection.” - “I don’t need protecting.” & 76. “You have to promise me that you won’t fall in love with me.”

Anything for you my love! I hope you enjoy this first rendezvous with Obi Wan!

»»————-　♡　————-««

 “Seriously?” you sighed as you pinched the bridge of your nose, your back turned to the two men. Anakin didn’t bother to hold back his laughter as Obi Wan nudged him in the ribs. You turned to back to Master Windu, and he just shrugged as a small grin tugged on his features, “these two are the best you could do?”

“You needed protection Ambassador,” he said as he waved his hands around, dismissing your concern, “they’re the best we have, you’ll be safe with them.”

“I’d be safer off with a child,” you insisted, listening as they scoffed, “I’ll go on my own.”

“I’m afraid that’s not an option,” he insisted and you knew he was right. Your seniors had decided you were to go on this supposedly diplomatic mission, and you had agreed with one condition - protection. They had readily agreed, but now you were questioning your demand.

“Fine,” you sighed reluctantly after a few beats of tense silence, “but I only want one of them.”

“Which one?” Mace asked, although he was sure he had an idea. It wasn’t that everyone knew you were sweet on Obi Wan, but...everyone knew you were a sucker for him. Just as he was for you, although he would certainly never admit it - he really couldn’t even if he wanted to, not with his strict code and all. But he’d been questioning all of that lately, especially when he realized just how close Padme and Anakin had grown. It had brought him pause, making him wonder if all the rules forbidding romance were just pointless archaic relics of the past. 

“Which one do you think?” you rolled your eyes as you turned around and looked at the chaos duo standing next to each other, giving you the most innocent eyes innocent possible, “Kenobi. Or this whole thing is off.”

“Quite frankly,” Anakin came over and put his arm around your shoulders, giving you his signature cheeky grin, “I’m both hurt and upset that you prefer my Master over me. I always thought I was the fun one. Don’t you want to have some fun?”

“Oh shove it, Anakin,” you stepped out from under his arm and stuck out your tongue at him. It wasn’t that you disliked Anakin, you truly didn’t, but you two were just too similar for own liking and often butted heads because of that. He was your rival in almost every sense of the word, and if you wanted things to go peacefully and quiet, your best bet was going to be his much more level headed Master, “you have your time and place, and this isn’t it.”

You headed towards the door before turning around giving them all a small wave, “I’ll see you in the morning, Obi Wan. If anyone has any issues with anything, please don’t come to me.”

 You left before any of them could say anything else, closing your eyes and letting out a long groan. You knew you were pushing the envelope with your remarks and attitude, probably overstepping your boundaries as you were still quite junior to your superiors, but sometimes you couldn’t hold it back. It was hard to control your tongue with your fiery attitude; it had gotten you this far, and you were sure it would get you further. 

It would all be fine, except now you would be stuck with Obi Wan, just the two of you for several days. It presented its’ own challenges, and you knew it was going to be a struggle to keep yourself restrained from acting on your feelings for the sandy haired, soft spoken object of your affection. 

“Kriff,” you hissed at yourself in annoyance. Maybe you should have just chosen Anakin.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Are you nervous?” Obi Wan’s soft voice interrupted your thoughts as he bumped his knee ever so gently against yours. You snapped back into reality, sure your cheeks were flushed from his sudden interruption -  but you weren’t about to admit that you had been lost in daydreams of him.

“Not terribly,” you admitted, turning and giving him a quick smile, “but then again anything can go wrong. Things are tense everywhere right now, and we walk a tight rope everywhere, you never know what can happen. One wrong word and someone could snap.”

“It’s lucky you’re such a wordsmith,” he teased and you just shrugged, “I’m sure you’ll be just fine. And if nothing else, you can rest assured because I am here for your protection.”

“I don’t need protecting,” you insisted, you turned to him poking a finger at his chest playfully, unable to stop yourself from doing so. There was something that seemed to be running through your veins that emboldened your thoughts and actions. He raised an eyebrow before the two of you broke into a fit of giggles. It was moments like this that you wished you were normal, that you were just some girl on a lonely planet and he was just your friend that you could fall in love with, not some renowned Jedi that worked to ensure peace. Just normal. But it appeared that you were not destined for a life like; no you were destined for something different.

“Well, when you’re in peril and wondering where I am, just remember that you insisted you don’t need protecting,” he teased before shooting you a quick wink that put a fire in your belly. You shook your head, reminding yourself not to get too lost in your lust for him. He was just your Jedi friend, nothing less, nothing more.

“I know you;d still come to my aid,” you reminded him, standing up and smoothing out your skirts as you went to look outside, so you could see if you were close to your destination. Unfortunately, nothing but darkness and glittering stars met your eyes, and you just knew this was going to be several long days.

“You’re correct of course,” his voice was right at your side, and you turned to him, giving him a soft smile. He turned to you, his hand brushing your against yours, sending sparks throughout your body; you wondered if he felt them too. 

“My Jedi knight in...robes?” you laughed nervously as he snorted at your terrible joke. You nudged him in the side, “it wasn’t that horrible!”

“Still pretty bad,” he said and you nodded in response, “You have to promise me that you won’t fall in love with me.”

“What?” if you had a drink in your hand it would have fallen to the floor and crashed into tiny pieces. You were sure he knew...he had to know about your feelings somehow, maybe you had overstepped your boundaries, “I-I…”

“Relax, darling Y/N,” he said and your felt your heart beating faster, “it was only a joke.”

“Oh,” you wished you could disappear into the floor, “of course.”

“See, it’s not just Anakin that can be funny,” he said as a new presence appeared in the door. 

“Master Kenobi,” he said quickly, “your presence is requested with the council member Mamaba.”

“I’ll be right there,” he said before turning back to you, “I’ll see you around, Y/N. Stay out of trouble for now...at least until I’m by your side.”

“If you insist,” you said as you watched him go, sad to have him leave, even if it was just for a little while.

“And I do,” he turned around with a quick wink.

“Your wish is my command,” you promised him, as he walked away, sitting back down and throwing your head back in exasperation. Why did it have to be Obi Wan? Why, out of all people, did it have to be a Jedi? 

“You shouldn’t fall in love with a Jedi,”one of the ship’s droids said as it walked by, followed by a small tutting noise, “romance is forbidden in their ranks.”

“Thanks,” you deadpanned at it, watching as it went about its business before whispering, “it’s already too late for that.”

[ayo-cowbelly]

time heals (but it also destroys)

published this a while ago, but forgot to post it here, so here i go

~

Vader arose with stinging skin and blurry eyes.

(He did not awake, for that would mean he’d been asleep.  

  Vader does not sleep, not anymore. He cannot.  

It is one of the many things he lost in the fire)

He was in pain. The wounds on his face burned, for they had yet to scar. Even in the suit, the suit that was supposed to keep him alive, everything  hurt  . The injuries he’d suffered on Mustafar were very much carved into his skin, and even if he couldn’t see them (he’s forgotten what his body looks like) he knew they would never disappear.

They were a reminder. Of pain, anger, loss. Of death.

(Vader has been running from these things for so long. He is not fast enough. They always catch up to him in the end.

  And when they do, Vader gladly lets them take him, for they are what give him power. Suffering gives him strength, the Darkness is his fuel. That is what his Master taught him.  

Vader doesn’t think of Skywalker’s Master, the one who taught love, balance, and peace. The one who taught the Light)

Vader had seen so much death. These last two years, he’d been the bringer of it. Death slid from his palms and claimed his enemies, and it ate them up until only Vader was left. For he is the strongest of them all.

~

Ben Kenobi woke up that day, with his mind full of memories. He dreaded sleep nowadays, because when he slept, he did not dream.

He remembered.

Ben remembered that other life, the one where he wasn’t alone. The one where he had his friends and family, the one where he had his brother.

Ben had been on Tatooine for two years now, and he still hadn't gotten used to the quiet. The quiet was somehow always screaming at Ben, full of whispers and taunts and memories. Ben, Obi-Wan, was a child of war, and friends, and life. Tatooine is a planet of solitude, slavery, and silence.

Anakin, loud and powerful as he was, was a child of Tatooine. He was used to the quiet. He was used to watching instead of speaking. Good at it, even. Ben remembered back when Anakin had first been brought to the Temple, and it had taken him months to speak more than the required sentences when talking to people. He always forgot to speak, forgot that he was allowed to speak. His eyes would dart back and forth, between a person and the door, always looking for an escape should he need one.

Always looking for a way out.

(Obi-Wan had learned to accept destiny long ago.  

  Anakin always tried to fight it, prevent it.  

  Anakin always tried to fight everything. He pushed at the limits of the universe, and they pushed back, until Anakin had Fallen under their weight)

Ben knew there was no way out. And though he had made peace with that fact (peace is a poem, a story, one that dreamers tell when they run out of hope, one that the preachers preach and the singers sing, one that nobody will find. Peace does not exist) , it was hard for him to think about things such as destiny.

What was his destiny? To live some form of life, when his Brothers and Sisters had been ripped so cruelly from theirs? Walk the dunes when they would no longer move? What was Ben Kenobi, when Obi-Wan was lost with the rest?

He asked,  Is that my fate, to have fallen from grace and lost everything? Act as a ghost until I truly become one?  

You have not fallen from grace, something replied. You have held onto it. Lonely is the life of the graceful, as there are so few of them left.  

~

    Five years after he lost it all, after he was betrayed and ruined and took the name monster, the fires of Mustafar still haunted Vader.

When he closed his eyes, he smelled smoke and felt the flames. They crawled up his body, his tired, broken body, and they ate him alive. He watched through teary eyes as his greatest enemy (his brother) turned away, leaving Vader to die. He watched as Kenobi took the weapon of Skywalker, took his droid and his wife, and left.

Vader had gone to Mustafar many times since then. Those horrible memories were awakened when he returned, and they fed his thirst. They built up his power, power that he would use to bend and mold the galaxy as he saw fit.

Some might tell him the world doesn’t work like that. But Vader would make it work like that.

(“You’re not all powerful.”  

“Well I should be!”)

Vader would be. He would tear this galaxy to shreds until it became what it should be. Until it became a world worth keeping. This galaxy would break and it would bruise, and then it would be born anew.

It would be better. Better than what they were given, better than what Vader could provide. Better than Vader, for he knew he was nothing worth keeping or protecting.

~

Ben Kenobi looked out across the Jundland Wastes. The sand dunes stretched out, and they looked like they went on forever. They reminded him of the Force, boundless and consuming. The dunes had brought him a sense of calm the last five years.

Ben, sitting on the ground just outside his hut, reached out into the world.

The Force was heavy. Not as heavy as the day all was lost, but heavy just the same. It bore down on his shoulders, looking for something to hold onto. Ben welcomed it gladly.

Eyes closed, Ben swam through it. One presence called out to him, even now. Where it used to be a sun, so bright you had to turn away lest you’d go blind, it is now inky Darkness. A big, black moon had covered the presence, like an eclipse of sorts.

But in an eclipse, the sun comes out again. This is where Vader and a sun are different. Even when it is covered, the sun peeks through, teasing a return to the sky. Ben knew not to hope for such things with Vader. Anakin, Walker of Skies, destined for something bigger than any galaxy, was now lost. He had been for years.

Ben was getting better at thinking about that without hurting.

He turned away from the Dark moon of Vader and instead, looked at something closer to home.

Not a sun, but a star.

Luke.

The star of Luke Skywalker was bright. Not blinding like his father, not fiery like his sister (who Ben made sure to check in on through the Force from time to time), but… something else entirely. A kind of brightness that washes away everything else until all you know is Light. Luke Skywalker’s star would fill the dark skies of the Force with brightness again, Ben was certain.

Leia would bring order. Luke would bring brightness.

Ben would find purpose, somehow.

~

Seventeen years after her death, and Vader still couldn’t go a day without thinking of her. Of Padmé.

She had been a queen, and she’d chosen Anakin, a freed slave, of all people.

(She did not choose Vader. She hated Vader in the end, but she had never stopped loving Anakin)

She was his wife, his angel, his everything. Vader would’ve, could’ve, given her everything. But she had refused.

(“Anakin, you’re breaking my heart”)

But didn’t she know she was breaking his? They had the chance to fix everything, make the galaxy into something better, and she was throwing it away? How dare she? As much as he loved her, Vader had hated Padmé then, for she could not see as Vader did. The possibilities were endless!

Vader would break this galaxy into pieces, and Padmé would mold those pieces into something beautiful, like her.

Everything had been beautiful, once. But then it became ugly and rotten and Dark. Back then, Vader had been cracking and slowly, oh so slowly, Falling. The Darkness had slipped through until there was nothing else.

It was power, it was strength, it was his fuel, but it was also his cage. Vader could bring armies to their knees, destroy all those who stood in his path. He could shake the universe with his might. But he had never been free.

(Vader had been eaten alive by that Darkness, and then he brought it to everyone else. Vader has destroyed this galaxy, not into something better, but something pathetic and defeated and lost.  

  Just like Vader-  

  No.  

Like Anakin)

Vader had learned many lessons in his life. When he was still Anakin, he learned many truths of the Darkness. But it wasn’t until the Darkness had actually taken Anakin and twisted him into Vader, did he learn the biggest truth of them all.

(Vader had been a slave once, a slave named Ani who was a person, no matter what the masters said. He was a person who had hopes and dreams, a person with a fate he couldn't begin to understand)

The Darkness was the worst slaver there is. For unlike other masters, it promises freedom- and only brings chains.

Vader was born with nothing. He gained everything. He lost everything. And now he had nothing.

Anakin might still live, somewhere deep inside him. Vader didn’t know how Anakin would die, in the Light or in the Dark, or something in between.

But he knew that one day, Vader would die broken and shattered and lost.

~

Ben Kenobi knew that his time must be coming to an end, if not now, then soon. Luke was almost eighteen, and grew more powerful by the day. Soon, they would need to act, Ben was sure of it. He didn’t know how, exactly, or when. Ben couldn’t see the future, he could only live each day until said future became reality.

(Mace and his shatterpoints had always been better at this sort of thing. But Mace wasn’t here, he hadn’t been here for a long while)

Those last seventeen years, Ben had learned to watch and to listen. He’d learned the ways of the Desert. Tatooine’s lessons had become engraved in him, taking the place of the lessons of a Jedi. Those teachings were waiting, just like him. Waiting for the day everything came to pass.

And when the future became the present, Ben would be ready. He would find Luke and teach him the ways of the Force, just as he did Luke’s father. Ben had always been drawn to Skywalkers, as they were enthralling. They were the axis on which the world spun, bright and powerful and chaotic. Ben was the one who watched over them, waiting for when they got tired from bearing such a heavy weight. And when they did, Ben would be there to guide them, ready to show them the way.

Ben Kenobi had taken on many titles in his life. Youngling, Initiate, Padawan, Knight, Master, Wizard. They all represented different versions of him, ones that waned with time and made way for something new.

He was born as Obi-Wan Kenobi, a Youngling. Obi-Wan was a Jedi, a Master, a legend.

He would die Ben Kenobi, a Wizard of the Wastes. Ben was a hermit, a myth, a ghost.

And he would meet his destiny. He would find purpose.

He would find peace.  

~

[jasontoddiefor]

Title: walk the golden skies, rise above- Summary: In a world where Force-sensitive people have wings, Anakin Skywalker still burns. (But before that, he rises above them all.) AN: I finished my wingfic! Shout out to @shatouto, @khapikat22 and @kyber-erso for motivating me to finish this in a day instead of procrastinating :D I hope you like his! Also on AO3 for those who prefer to read there!

The first thing Qui-Gon Jinn noticed about the boy were his massive wings. He was young still, probably couldn’t even fly yet, but despite the complicated leather restraints on his back, there was no hiding the size of the black wings. Qui-Gon’s wings were on the larger side, as were those of his Padawan, but he was fairly sure that if the boy reached maturity, he’d surpass them both without trying.

Qui-Gon furthermore doubted that would be the case if the boy were to remain on Tatooine as a slave. He was small and underweight, his wings dragged through the ground behind him when he walked and many feathers were broken or missing. Regardless, Qui-Gon knew that Anakin Skywalker was meant to be a Jedi, the same way his mother should have been going by her wingspan. Her light brown feathers had been clipped, she likely wouldn’t ever be able to fly again. Those without the Force, whose wings were so small they could only ever dream of flying, could never understand what precious thing was stolen from those who could.

“You should be very proud of your son,” he told Shmi Skywalker. “He gives without any thought of reward.”

“Well, he knows nothing of greed,” Shmi replied. Her voice had a sharp edge, almost bitter.

Anakin had been born and raised a slave, he didn’t know anything about freedom or being greedy when he’d never been allowed to act on such thoughts. It was sad that such gentle behavior hadn’t been taught but forced upon him by circumstances.

“He has a good heart,” she continued, fiddling with the small white feather hanging from her necklace. In the sunlight, it almost flickered gold.

“He is strong in the Force.”

It was a miracle Anakin was still with his mother. While Jedi used wingspan as a rough determiner of Force-strengths, other cultures had different opinions on why every intelligent species grew wings. Everybody agreed though that those who stuck out of the masses were special.

“I’ve noticed, his wings are much darker than yours. Who was his father?”

Force strength was an inheritable trait. Certainly, if Shmi and his other parent were so strong, maybe that would explain Anakin’s exceptionality.

“There was no father,” Shmi said. “I carried him, I gave birth, I raised him, but I can’t explain what happened.”

The midichlorian count the test provided after only confirmed what Qui-Gon already knew. Anakin wasn’t just strong of the Force, he existed because of it. He was the Chosen One, destined to bring balance to the Force. That night, while he was sleeping in the Skywalker’s house, he dreamed of a man with black wings and woke up haunted by the feeling that a new era was upon them.

(Qui-Gon never lived long enough to know that Anakin’s wings were anything but black.)

X

Obi-Wan Kenobi was the one who cut through the leather cords restricting Anakin’s wings. He was also the first to see how truly massive the black feathers were. He was a little surprised to notice that in-between all the black another color, a lighter one, stood out when Qui-Gon had only described wings as dark as space. Trust his Master to make a mistake concerning precise details.

However, Obi-Wan was not the first to notice that Anakin Skywalker’s wings were not, in fact, even mainly black. He wasn’t even the second or third or fourth person. No, he was the tenth person to be informed of that and likely wouldn’t have even been number ten if his Padawan hadn’t had a panic attack in the Halls of Healing because too many Jedi were crowding around him. Another apprentice had come to pick Obi-Wan up, urging him to leave his final exam behind and come see to his Padawan immediately.

When Obi-Wan arrived in the Halls, he found Anakin sitting in the corner of a room, his wings curled around him so that you actually couldn’t see the little Padawan.

“What is going on here?” Obi-Wan asked and marched promptly through the Masters assembled in the room. Any other time he probably would have thrown a fuss at the utter disrespect he was showing Council members, but if Ki-Adi-Mundi decided that towering over his obviously overwhelmed Padawan, then Obi-Wan was going to tell him off.

He planted himself between Anakin and the other members, his arms crossed and his back turned to Anakin. Something touched his leg and he glanced down long enough to see black primary feathers brushing against him.

“Your Padawan was found ripping out his own feathers,” Vokara Che said seriously.

Obi-Wan slowly let out his breath and forced himself to not start cursing. He knew Anakin tended to do that. On Tatooine, it had been better to take out broken feathers than to attempt healing them and risk infection. He’d been shocked the first time he had caught Anakin doing it, but he thought Anakin had understood that it was unnecessary after their talk.

Obi-Wan decided to turn around to his Padawan and crouched down in front of him. He spread his own fiery red wings to give Anakin a sense of protection.

“Padawan,” he began to say. “Everything’s alright. You know you don’t have to take out your damaged feathers, we can heal them. And if we can’t, you certainly don’t have to deal with it on your own.”

“His feathers weren’t damaged,” Vokara said. “But their color-“

“Please don’t send me away!” Anakin suddenly blurted out. He opened up his wings, almost sending Obi-Wan toppling over, and threw himself at him. “Please, I promise I’ll behave. I just couldn’t get any japor oil and keep it hidden. I promise I’ll do better, please keep me-“

“Slow down Anakin,” Obi-Wan said. “And you’re my Padawan. You’re not going anywhere without me. Everything is alright.”

He tried to blend out all the Masters in the room with them. He gathered the Force around himself, grounded the two of them and calmed. He had to keep a cool head for Anakin. Obi-Wan could have his own private freak out when he was back in his own room away from too many Jedi who thought he shouldn't be teaching Anakin.

“But- but I couldn’t keep it hidden!” Anakin stuttered.

“Keep what hidden?” Obi-Wan asked carefully.

Anakin bit his lip, then he pushed his hands, curled to fists, into Obi-Wan’s and opened them, revealing soft and small feathers that likely would have grown into covert feathers, had Anakin not ripped them out. What shocked Obi-Wan the most about them though was not the dried blood clinging to them, but the brilliant golden shine.

“Are those yours?” Obi-Wan asked.

Anakin nodded. “Mom always made me drink japor oil so they wouldn’t grow in that color. If Masters knew I had big wings and golden ones, they’d have taken me away.”

Obi-Wan could see it in startling clarity. A small boy, much younger than Anakin was now, being ripped out of his mother’s arms so they could take his wings.

He felt like throwing up.

“They’re beautiful,” Obi-Wan told his Padawan earnestly. “You don’t have to hide them here, I promise.”

“Really?” Anakin’s eyes darted to the Jedi standing behind them.

“Yes.”

Anakin looked down at his hands, before he lifted his head once more, hesitant determination taking over. “You can keep those. They were the first to grow back.”

(On Tatooine, the only people you gave your feathers to were family members. Obi-Wan wouldn’t know this until Beru stood on his doorstep, Luke sleeping soundly in her arms, and quietly asked him to accept the fledgling feathers she handed him and to give Luke one of his in turn.)

X

It took almost two years until even the last of the black feathers was gone. Likely, it would have taken even longer if Anakin didn’t have a knack for getting injured and breaking off feathers that just happened to be the black ones. Anakin’s wings at thirteen were certainly a sight to behold. They seemed to reflect the light, their gold shining almost white in the illuminated meditation halls while they took on a fiery red color when Anakin was sun basking in the highest towers, the evening light hitting him just right. Even though Anakin was already a Padawan and had been for years, he still couldn’t fly. He never seemed to have enough space to unfold his wings completely before he crashed to the ground again.

“This is a terrible idea,” Aayla muttered.

She liked Anakin, he was fun and not so much of a stuck up as other Padawans his age. Besides, their Masters were befriended, though Aayla wasn’t so sure if her Master hadn’t just dragged Obi-Wan into his life and declared them friends. It certainly sounded like something he would do.

“But you can catch me, can’t you?” Anakin asked as he peeked over the railing of the highest tower.

The thing was, Aayla got it. She couldn’t recall much from her time before she’d been taken in by the Jedi. She’d been four already, on the older side of the scale when it came to younglings, but those four years hadn’t been enough for Aayla to keep all her memories. Still, she remembered the fear and pain from all those whose wings had been big enough that they might be able to fly whose wings had as a consequence, been clipped, forever denying them flight. Amongst slaves, being able to fly was the greatest ability.

Of course the inability to do so hurt Anakin.

“I’m sure it’ll work,” Anakin said, took a running leap and jumped off the tower.

Aayla followed him quickly, her own light blue wings flattering steadily as she watched Anakin trying to catch himself in the wind. For one very terrifying moment Aayla thought he wouldn’t make it, and then Anakin began to rise. The strokes of his wings were immediately powerful and likely just as exhausting, but he was flying.

Watching him soar in the sky told Aayla all she needed to know. Anakin had been born for this. She loathed to imagine what would have become of his wings if he hadn’t been brought to the temple, even if she had to suffer through a stern talking to after Anakin's first flight for letting a junior Padawan attempt such recklessness.

(It wasn’t the reason Aayla kept quiet about the clones whose wings started to grow larger than those of their brothers, but it was one of them. She helped them hide, she let them use bacta to heal the cuts they had to make.)

X

Out of all of Padmé’s handmaidens, Eirtaé was the one with the largest wings. They weren’t tall next to those of the Jedi, but they were the biggest Padmé had ever seen. Her own were small by comparison, could fit easily beneath the tunics they wore to hide them away entirely. Sabé’s wings on the other hand were the most similar to Padmé’s. They were bright red as well, though a shade darker. It was the reason she was Padmé’s main decoy. If kidnappers thought to check beyond facial recognitions, they’d find what they expected.

It certainly helped them when the Trade Federation staged their assault.

Padmé still remembered how fascinated she had been by the Jedi. Even when she had been sick with worry for her family and her planet, she had been curious about the Jedi.

Everybody whose wings were large enough to fly could be a Jedi, or so they said, but that knowledge hadn’t truly settled in until she’d seen Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi for the first time.

Now, looking at Anakin, all grown up and somehow still the kind boy she recalled, Padmé wasn’t sure if she had truly understood it back then when people spoke of Jedi and their unnaturally large wings.

“Ani?” Padmé asked, unable to hide her astonishment. “My goodness, you’ve grown. And your wings!”

For all that Anakin was obviously trying not to take up too much space, his treasure golden wings were already blocking off the area they were standing in. She wanted to ask him about their color change, whether that was a part of being a Jedi or something special and inherently Anakin Skywalker. He blushed and smiled sheepishly.

“So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean! And, eh, much shorter... for a Senator, I mean.”

He was fumbling through his words, but it was endearing nevertheless. Padmé still resented the fuss they were throwing about the attacks on her. She was not a helpless little girl. She had never been allowed to be such with the weight of millions of lives on her shoulders. But perhaps she could stand being protected by two Jedi if it were those two.

(In the future every time she looked at Anakin’s prosthesis, she’d hate herself a little. She knew Anakin picked up on it, but didn’t know how to hide or communicate that it wasn’t him she was uncomfortable with. Padmé simply blamed herself for his pain.)

X

Anakin’s mother had been a slave with a considerably large wingspan. She had been stolen away from her family when she was six. She had been too young to fly then, but when she’d been eleven, she had dared to stand on the rooftop of her Master’s house and wonder whether she would be able to fly if she just jumped and spread her wings. When her Master had spotted her, he had screeched and pulled her away from the edge. He and another group of men had pushed her to the ground and tore at her wings until a loud crack had resonated through the air. Shmi had been screaming, begging and crying then. She wouldn’t have jumped. She hadn’t known the first thing about flying and there was still a detonator in her body that would blow her up as soon as she went too far away.

The men hadn’t cared of course. They had broken her wings and watched in satisfaction as they healed wrongly.

She’d never be able to fly again. They had clipped her wings. Perhaps in Republic space, they’d be able to save them, but nobody would waste such expenses on a slave.

Years later when the Tuskens took her, Shmi was unable to fight them off or reach the skies for freedom. It should have been obvious to them from the angle her wings rested against her back that she might be a Skywalker but she’d never be able to walk the skies, and yet they hadn’t cared and violated her so cruelly for the second time in her life.

Her only relief before her death was seeing the golden color she had last laid her eyes upon almost two decades ago. Her son was free, wasn’t forced to bind or dye his wings.

(Shmi Skywalker didn’t die peacefully. Her body gave up on her after enduring weeks of torture. Hatred lingered in her bones. It was forged into the marrow of every slave, it gave them endurance beyond their nature, but even hatred ran out. In the end, the only kind thing she could feel was the love for her son.)

X

The first time Anakin saw Padmé’s wings were in that horrible arena on Geonosis. His mind was still full of grief for his mother, the fear for his Master and the horrible guilt eating away at him.

Padmé’s shirt tore, revealing red wings. They reminded Anakin of the robes she’d worn a decade ago when they recaptured Theed first, then of Obi-Wan’s wings second. But where Obi-Wan’s wings were the red of sunset, sunrise, and fires, Padmé’s carried victory, passion and love in its most extreme forms.

They were not enough to carry her as she fell out of the ship and Anakin was once more forced to watch, his heart screaming.

(Anakin knew most people were fascinated by his wings. He had never met or seen another sentient with the same coloring, but he decided then and there, in the aftermath of the beginning of the end, that red was his favorite color. He wouldn’t mind seeing it for the rest of his life.)

X

CT-7567, Captain Rex, hadn’t known what to expect of the Jedi that would lead him and his brothers. He had certainly heard several things from the other troops so far. They spoke of reckless warriors, flying through blaster fire without any regard for their own health, as long as they could make sure that the war ended a little sooner, that more sentients were saved.

Rex’s wings fit neatly beneath his armor.

He knew it wasn’t always the case.

There were brothers the Kaminoans decommissioned early on because their wings developed too fast, too large. Rex’s were standard, the same brown and white mustering, hardly noticeable when he forced them beneath his undersuit. Rex had never wanted bigger wings unlike some of his batchmates who had quietly exchanged thoughts about how neat it would be to fly. The advantaged they’d have in battle would be much larger.

Rex hadn’t seen the point right up until Commander Skywalker and yelled “Down!” and a huge shadow had settles over their heads. Rex and his brothers were pushed down by the massive weight of Skywalker’s wings.

The dust, dirt, and blood clinging to them didn’t do anything to diminish their shine and Rex found himself caught off-guard.

(He’d freeze a second time like this when yet another Commander Skywalker would push them down to the ground to save them.)

X

The war carried on. It took its toll. Suffering became apparent in every corner of the galaxy. People were tortured, cried out in pain and slowly but steadily suffocated on their own hopelessness.

Sidious hummed in content.

The miasma in the air, the taint as the Jedi would call it, was the finest treat. The dark side was growing stronger every day and soon victory would be his.

“You wanted to see me, Chancellor?”

Sidious smiled friendly as he took in the sight of his young apprentice. Anakin Skywalker was truly a gift of the Force. He was incredibly strong and would be Sidious’s greatest tool in the creation of his Empire.

The boy’s wings were a hindrance of course, but not one that couldn’t be dealt with as soon as he fell. Sidious had cut off his wings himself. His Master had been impressed, falsely assuming that Sidious had done so to please him. He had let Plagueis believe whatever he wanted. Sidious had merely taken his fate in his own hands. He wasn’t going to rely on another to complete the ritual that would truly open his mind to the dark side of the Force.

“Anakin, my dear boy,” Sidious said. “I am so glad to see you.”

(And Sidious would be celebrating when he came to mold Vader into his weapon. Kenobi had truly given him a gift, ruining his Padawan’s wings himself.)

X

The thing Ahsoka hated the most about being stuck on the Resolute was the lack of space. She had large wings and could only practice flying in the hangers. While the clones laughed and whistled when she did her spins, she knew she was actually disturbing them and interrupting their work. The non-clone officials on board certainly thought so. Ahsoka thought that if it were just Jedi and clones together, they wouldn’t have any problems, but as soon as the rest of the military or politicians got involved, the fun was over.

Ahsoka stretched her wings and winced when she hit the side of a cabinet with them. There was simply no space anywhere!

“Master,” Ahsoka complained on the training mats. “How do you do it?”

Anakin stopped carefully treading his hands through her feathers. “Do what?”

“Stand the space! The Temple is so much wider. I can’t wait to be back home. Or planetside, whatever comes first, I guess.”

Ahsoka craned her neck so she’d be able to look at her Master’s face. He was smiling only slightly. Far more prominent was his frown and the way his mech-hand twitched. The first time she had seen her Master look like that, they’d been on Tatooine.

“It’s just a matter of getting used to,” Anakin finally answered. “And to your luck, we already have a new mission taking us to a planet that is covered by cliffs and canyons.”

Forgotten about her Master’s behavior, Ahsoka fist-pumped the air. “Yes!”

The last time they had had the chance, she had gone cliff diving with her Master. It had been awesome, just like jumping from the Temple towers. Ahsoka couldn’t wait to do it again.

Then, suddenly, Ahsoka winced as Anakin tugged at one of the feathers she’s injured in the last fight. “Skyguy! That hurt!”

“Sorry,” Anakin apologized, and soothingly ran his hand over her back. “I don’t think this feather is salvageable.”

Ahsoka sighed. She’d already asked Kix if he could help her, but he had given her the same reply. She had hoped Anakin would be able to heal it.

“Is it a pretty one?” Ahsoka asked.

“Yes.”

She looked up again at her Master and the three feathers he kept braided into his hair. One was Obi-Wan’s, the other belonged to Ahsoka and the third, a light brown one, she didn’t know. Anakin had never really told her why he did it, only muttered something about traditions from his homeworld. The precise reason didn't matter, Ahsoka decided, as long as she knew that it meant she was important to him.

“You can switch it out against my old one then,” she decided and watched happily as he did so.

(Later, she’d wish she had asked her Master what it really meant when your wings were restrained. Zygerria left its scars on them in more than one way. In the aftermath, Anakin ensured Ahsoka would have plenty of space to unfurl her wings, but she never forgot the feeling of the heavy leather cords covering her white wings. As Fulcrum, she didn't know whether that experience was a blessing or a curse.)

X

When Anakin killed Dooku, his wings felt like a dead weight right up until he was back in Padmé’s arms. He was exhausted and hurting, but with her as the center of his world, everything would be alright. With Dooku dead, it was only a question of time until the war was over. He’d resign from the Order and move to Naboo with Padmé where they’d raise their child together. Obi-Wan could visit them and maybe they could track down Ahsoka as well, wrangle her into the flying lessons their child would undoubtedly need.

“Oh?” Padmé asked playfully as they fell into their bed. “So sure our son is going to take after you?”

Anakin smiled and pulled the blanket over them both before covering them additionally with his feathers.

“Our daughter,” he said, his emphasis not going unnoticed, “will absolutely take after me.”

“Alright, alright.” Padmé laughed. “Let’s just hope they don’t decide to learn how to fly by jumping off a building.”

Anakin pulled a face. Retrospectively, perhaps Obi-Wan had been right to lecture him with an ashen face after Anakin’s brilliant – and successful! – attempt at learning how to fly by jumping off a tower. Imagining his own child pulling a stunt like that was terrifying. Ahsoka had already known how to fly when she’d been assigned to Anakin. He hadn’t had to worry about her.

“They won’t,” Anakin mumbled. “We’ll all be there.”

(Princess Leia of Alderaan had been ten when she decided she wanted to fly. She hadn’t cared about the fact that it was as good as a death sentence if an Imperial knew you had the ability. Dressed only in her nightgown, standing on the balcony of their vacation estate high up in the mountains, Leia took a leap of faith. Halfway across the galaxy, a boy threw himself off the cliffs in Beggar’s Canyon in the exact same moment and for the split of a second, they connected.)

X

It wasn’t an easy choice, it was no choice at all.

It was over a decade of careful grooming, a Sith Lord running his hands over golden feathers, pretending to help preen the spaces Anakin could never reach on his own. It were the lies, the distrust, the pain, all the mistakes, anger and frustration and a childhood bound in chains Anakin had never been able to break entirely.

He needed to save Padmé and his unborn child. He had to protect them from harm, his nightmares come alive, so he took his ‘saber and marched to the temple, his army at his back.

(Some of their shots hit his wings, but in the void darkness of the Force, Vader didn’t even register it. He didn’t think of the younglings that used to beg him for lessons or let out delighted shrieks when he submitted to their pleas and let them brush through his feathers and keep the ones that broke off or came loose. He didn’t think because he was drowning, choking on his own tears, hoping it would all be over soon.)

X

Vader could hardly fly on Mustafar. It gave Obi-Wan a considerable advantage, but he had trained Anakin to be able to handle any possible disadvantage. He tried not to linger on the thoughts of his former Padawan, the boy he had raised and adored, as he battled the Sith Lord in front of him. The ashes of the volcanic planet settled on their wings, dragging them down until Ana- not Anakin, his brother was dead, Sidious had ruined him, until Vader was lying on the ground, screaming. He was tearing at the remnants of their bond, sharp claws tried to cut into Obi-Wan’s mind.

He wanted to reach out. He wanted Anakin back.

“You were my brother Anakin! I loved you!”

And if he were a better Jedi, he wouldn’t have watched Vader’s torment but taken his blade and ended the Sith’s life.

(But he couldn’t. He had told Yoda that he wouldn’t be able to kill him and he couldn’t bear to linger as he watched the once so beautiful golden wings burn.)

X

In the aftermath, while Yoda told Bail what to expect when raising a Force-sensitive child and how to hide little Leia’s presence, Obi-Wan sat curled up in the corner of the space station, holding both children close his chest. It should be no surprise that they’d take after Anakin, and yet Obi-Wan had been shocked still when he’d seen the soft gold color of their wings. He knew they wouldn’t keep their color for long, likely never actually see it themselves.

Alderaan’s royalty ate white hibiscus flowers that dyed their wings the same color and Luke would be fed japor oil on Tatooine as Anakin had once been.

Nobody would ever know that these children had survived and lived. They would be safe.

(On his way to Tatooine, Obi-Wan took great care that nobody saw his own red feathers or Luke’s golden ones. It didn’t occur to him that he’d be better off tainting his wings as well until he actually arrived on the doorstep of the Lars homestead.)

X

When Vader woke up again for the first time, even Sidious was surprised at the level of pain, fury, rage and despair that was tearing at the Sith’s mind.

Traditionally, Vader’s wings would have to be cut down, but it would prove much more futile if that darkness engulfing Vader wasn’t allowed to lower.

“Put him under again,” Sidious ordered.

The Jedi were either already dead or dying. It was only a question of time and the dark side taught patience so very well. Sidious didn’t have to concern himself with his Empire for a moment, no, he could focus on his apprentice fully.

His wings weren’t entirely ruined. The bones still remained, as did some feathers.

“Keep the skeleton,” Sidious mused as he imagined what he wanted his Lord Vader to look like. “Encase them in metal. Give my apprentice wings befitting of his station.”

Skywalker was dead. There would be no more Jedi claiming the skies for themselves and putting their precious light above Sidious’s throne and Vader would spent his every second remembering it through pain.

X

Force-sensitive people didn’t just stop being born because the Empire willed it so, but more children died or lost their wings in infancy than ever before.

It would be a lie to say that the few Jedi that remained didn’t consider mutilating themselves for protection.

What use were wings if you could never fly again unless you wanted to risk your life?

And yet there were enough who treasured the gifts they had been given, always hoping and reaching for a future where the darkness would cease dragging them down.

X

When Obi-Wan decided to die for the galaxy’s future, his wings were as black as his Padawan’s once had been when he was young and Obi-Wan had hoped to never see the color again.

Luke and Leia looked like two halves of the same being, not just physically but also in the Force. Obi-Wan was relieved to see how strong they were, already connecting and reaching out despite being unaware of their relationship. Separating them when they were young had been the right decision. Vader would have found them too soon.

Now all Obi-Wan could do was focus on the opponent in front of him, let all hope escape.

He had been aware of Vader’s presence ever since he had stepped on this monstrosity of a weapon. It mirrored Vader’s appearance all too well. Obi-Wan had heard stories about Vader had made out of himself, but seeing it in person almost took him back to Mustafar and the smell of burning flesh.

Darth Vader’s wings were massive metallic blades, clicking eerily with his every move. It was impossible to ignore the whirling sound of the machinery that made them functional. Vader’s wings were terror, they looked like bones encased in durasteel coffins.

They were nothing like Anakin Skywalker’s.

The wingspan was the same, larger than anybody else’s, but that was where the similarities ended. These wings had never covered an entire squad of troopers to protect them from debris, they had never been touched by something that wasn’t blood and gore. They looked as unnatural as they felt.

They were what horrified Obi-Wan Kenobi the most about his former apprentice’s appearance. He used to be so proud of Anakin’s beautiful golden wings, had spent hours helping his young charge groom them until Anakin had fallen asleep, his much too large wings draped over Obi-Wan’s shoulders.

(This would haunt him past his own death until he could run his fingers through golden feathers again. He had stood aside as Anakin’s wings, his soul, had burned on the shores of Mustafar and he had turned away.)

X

Luke Skywalker stood out in every room he was in. It wasn’t just his ridiculously large wing size, he simply seemed to draw people in. Leia especially enjoyed being near him. He knew all about the rumors crawling around their bases about the two of them and had Leia not been raised a princess, she would have thrown at least one punch.

Spending time with Luke reminded Leia of all the times she had been able to spend lazy mornings with her family. It felt like coming home, a balm that calmed the phantom pains that had haunted her since her childhood.

She was the first to see that Luke’s black wings were as much of a lie as her white ones. Leia hadn’t had any of the white flower tea since her imprisonment on the Death Star and she wasn’t used to grooming her wings herself. She knew her wings looked terrible and she knew some of her original color, of which her parents had never informed her, was starting to come through in some cases. Leia kept her wings bound, protection against the Empire, so she hadn’t actually paid as much attention to it until she found Luke staring at a gold feather lying innocently on the floor.

“Is this your original color?” Leia asked him and picked the feather up.

Luke slowly nodded and opened up his wings. The newest feathers stood out against the dark black. They were the same gold as the one in Leia’s hands.

“Yes,” Luke answered. “But that feather isn’t mine.”

With gentle hands he helped her brush through her wings, get rid of all the old and broken feathers she had damaged and hadn’t thought to take care of because she was busy fighting a war.

(In the end, it was no surprise to learn they were siblings. The Alliance had been calling them their golden twins for years already by then as both had shed their old colors and stopped pretending they hadn’t been made for the skies.)

X

The memory of Bespin, of clinging to the pole while he was forced to listen to Vader’s wings clicking against the metal railings and horrible truth he revealed, would haunt Luke for years. He injured his left wing while escaping and lost his hand in a fight that never should have happened. Back on Tatooine, his family had always told him not to draw too much attention, that it was dangerous for him, but had gotten so used to flying while he was staying with the Alliance.

If he fell here, he wouldn’t be able to fly away.

He chose to do so anyway, all while begging Ben to tell him why had told him such cruel lies, wondering what kind of person could stand to watch another burn.

(He had hoped Leia would catch him, but he didn’t expect her to look like a vengeful goddess, the orange and red of the skies reflecting on her wings like blood.)

X

Darth Vader died the same way he was born, in agonizing pain. He broke out of the Emperor’s hold and Anakin Skywalker took the monster that had enslaved the whole galaxy and killed him with slow, aching breaths. Luke was grieving, trying to drag Anakin’s heavy body down to the ships.

“Luke, help me take this mask off,” Anakin rasped.

Luke’s wings flared up. He’d been informed of their golden color, the same as that of the princess. He hadn’t dared to entertain the thought that perhaps it was not just one child, too afraid of what that would mean for his actions.

“But you’ll die!”

Beneath his mask, Anakin smiled. He didn’t deserve his son who was so kind he could even cry for a broken man like him.

“Nothing can stop that now. Just for once… let me look on you with my own eyes.”

Luke hesitated for a moment, then he slowly pulled the mask of Anakin’s face. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust, but then he saw his son for the first time. He was beyond stunned how much he looked like Padmé. His wings behind him illuminated the darkness of the hall like the sun.

He was beautiful.

All Anakin had dreamed of and more. He was glad that this was the last thing Anakin got to see. Everything would be well, there would be peace.

(And when death came, Anakin didn’t resist and scream and beg. He smiled, threw himself into Obi-Wan’s arms, the wings on his back lifting him to the skies as he watched the light shine.)

X

The sun was high in the blue afternoon sky and the air was so thick with excitement, tension, cheer and joy that you could almost taste it on your tongue.

Excitedly, they were all standing at the platform on top of the temple. From up here, they could see the pilots getting their fighters, people going about their day and, most importantly, a rather large group of Knights and Padawans and family members standing below them, cheering.

“Alright, Initiates,” Jedi Master Ezra Bridger said. “Today’s the day. Are you ready?”

“Born ready!” A very bold Trandoshan youngling said while the Togruta boy next to her only eyes the edge of the platform with a vary look.

“This is an age-old tradition,” Ezra continues as he slowly walked backwards. “My Master taught me how to fly like this and the Masters Skywalker and Organa learned how to fly the exact same way.”

The younglings looked at the other two Masters that had accompanied them to the very top, seeking their agreement. Leia stepped away from the back and walked to the front to her brother, letting her wings brush over the heads of the assembled children, causing them to giggle.

“We did learn that way,” Leia said, smiling in amusement. “Only we didn’t have anyone to catch us at the bottom should it go wrong.”

The group looked at the Jedi Master with big eyes. They couldn’t imagine making this jump without anybody ensuring them they’d be saved and would be caught before they hit the ground.

“Don’t worry,” Luke said as he stepped off the platform. “We won’t let you fall.”

(And no child of this new age did.)

[moonlightsolo]

bête noire

summary: It’s the day that you plan on seeing Ren for the first time in a while. You grow paranoid that somebody has figured out your plan, which causes a tiny delay...

pairing: kylo ren x female reader

warnings: angst, fluff!!!

wc: 4k

note: wow the world has turned into a chaotic mess. i’m currently quarantining with my family right now. i hope everyone one of you is safe and healthy. if there is anything i could possibly do for you, please dm me. 

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

Nights on the jungle moon are beautiful. 

The cool wind blows gently which causes the leaves to rustle on the trees. Little bugs that glow fly around in the foliage and animals scatter at the sound of your footsteps. 

It’s peaceful. 

A soft white hue shines through the leaves, leading the way to your destination. Half of your hair is thankfully tied back into a braid to keep it from flying in your face. 

Your feet stop in the grass when you see the opening past the trunks of the trees. You see the glimmering surface of his dormant black tie fighter. The only source of light is from inside the tie fighter and the one in the sky. 

Your eyes catch his dark figure waiting in front of the ship, his back is towards you but he’s tense. 

He’s just as nervous as you. 

It’s finally the night he has been planning to visit. He’s going to travel from wherever he’s coming from just for you. 

You’ve been continuing your usual activities around the base to make sure nobody gets suspicious. 

Rey notices your more chipper mood because of the bounce in your step. “Is everything good with you and Poe?” She asks while walking back after training. 

After calling it quits with your and Poe’s relationship, you’ve gotten much more self-involved. Not in a selfish way, you’re just caring for yourself more. 

“Yeah, we’re civil. We talk here and there about important stuff but not really so much about us.” You shrug almost sadly but you still have a smile on your face. 

“Oh... Well by the way you’re acting, it seems like you guys are back together.” She laughs, “You’re happy.”

You look at her with furrowed eyebrows, “So what? I can’t be happy now?” You jokingly say as you nudge her side with your elbow. 

You both emerge from the tree line then part ways. She goes towards the landing platform where all the ships are parked and you go towards the cave. It’s already almost dark outside which means you’re getting closer to seeing him. 

Since you were training and sweaty, you decide to take a quick shower to make sure you smell decent. 

You get dressed in some black skin-tight pants, an oversized black long-sleeved shirt that you cut so it was a bit cropped and a parka jacket. You situate your boots on your feet and you tie your damp hair back into a braid. You reach out for your saber to summon it to your hand so you can clip it onto your belt. 

Ellie and Anakin have grown so much now and you already have a feeling he’s going to be so excited to meet them. Before it becomes time to sneak out, you make sure to feed them. You’ve gotten the hang of feeding them at the same time and it’s quite easy. 

You situate the babies in the carrier that’s strapped to your chest, they sit underneath your jacket so they’re shielded from the elements of the jungle. Just as you’re about to leave, someone knocks on your door. 

Your eyes go wide as you look around to make sure everything looks normal before you open the door. “It’s just me,” Poe calls out on the other side. 

Your hand pushes a button to open the door and it slides open. He takes in your appearance, “And where are you going?” He asks surprisingly. 

“Just for a walk. They’re a bit fussy so I wanted to take them out.” You lie right through your teeth. It helps that one of the babies whine under your jacket. 

“Oh okay. Do you mind if I join?” He moves out of the way so you could walk out. Somethings not right, you have a feeling someone knows. Maybe Rey tapped into your thoughts. 

“Actually, I do mind.” His face drops at your words, “I’m sorry. I don’t wanna be rude but I think we need some time to bond.” You give him a genuine smile and motion to the twins. You lean in for a one-arm hug so you could leave. “Next time okay?” 

His hand gravitates towards your waist when you lean in but instead lands on Ellie who grabs ahold of his fingers. She coos at him and laughs. 

“Have fun with your momma.” He leans down to kiss her head. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asks as you start to pull away from him. 

“Of course. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You grin as you turn your back towards him and start to walk out of the ship. You look both ways to see if anybody else is around, there are only a few people who are working on things silently. 

You sneakily creep out into the night, the cool air hits your face. You tighten the jacket over the babies so they’re guarded. You continue to check your surroundings, looking around to make sure nobody is following you. 

You’re on edge and so paranoid that somebody is following you. What if someone would catch you meeting him? Would they try to kill him and you? 

You take a deep breath and shake your head. You take one more look behind you before stepping past the tree-line and into the darkness. 

It takes few moments for your eyes to adjust, but you continue walking the same path towards your meeting place. 

The sound of your feet crunching on the leaves makes you smile, it’s so satisfying. Your eyes catch a dim light in front of you which makes you stop in your tracks. You tilt your body to get a better angle and look past the trunks. 

You see the glimmering surface of his dormant black tie fighter. The only source of light is from inside the ship and the one in the sky. 

His broad stature stands out, his back is towards you but you can see that he’s rocking on his heels nervously. 

Your heartbeat picks up at the sight of him, his movements stop and he turns around. He senses that you’re close. 

You can barely see his face but his eyes are searching the trees for you. You want to cry just from seeing his face. The face you missed. the face you see in your dreams, the face you love so dearly...

“Come to me.” He speaks, his adam’s apple bobs as his eyes flicker through the landscape. 

You begin to move forward, feeling compelled to be closer to him— like a magnet. Just as you’re about to walk into the open space, you take a deep breath. 

He sees you in the shadows, the corners of his mouth twitch into a subtle smile. His hand reaches out for you to take, which you gladly let your hand slip into his. The feeling of his skin against yours gives you goosebumps. Explosions of the sensation tickle your nerve endings like your missing puzzle piece finally found its way to its spot.

His fingers grip your wrist gently to pull you out into the open. 

When you make eye contact with him, you can’t help but smile so hard that it hurts your face. 

“I missed you.” He breathes out gently, his voice is raspy and deep, the first time you heard his voice outside of your head in a while. His hands go to rest on your waist but they land on both of the babies, his eyebrows furrow then raise. 

“Is that them?” His voice is shushed. You nod your head as he pushes back your jacket. He almost gasps at the sight of his sleeping babies curled against your side in the carriers. 

You lean forward to capture his lips with yours and he gladly kisses you back. His large hands cover the sides of your face while he moves his lips against yours. 

When he pulls back he takes your bottom lip between his teeth, “Gorgeous. Just as always.” He growls under his breath. Your breath hitches and your stomach fills up with butterflies, “God, I missed you so much.” Your voice is quiet too. 

His hands begin to unfasten Ellie from your side, bringing her small body to lay on her stomach against his chest. His hands are so big they practically engulf her tiny back. You do the same with Ani before you hand him off to Kylo so he can hold them both. 

Seeing your boys side by side really shows Anakin’s resemblance to his father, even El too. 

“Anakin and Ellie.” He breathes out shakily as he bounces his body slightly. Ellie picks her head up so she could reach out and touch his face. Her tiny hand on his chin makes you giggle. Ani is just staring up at his dad with big doe-like eyes. 

“Do they have middle names?” He asks, his eyes flicker up to meet yours. You move closer to your little family, wrapping your arms around his waist as you stare at the little babies. 

“No, not yet.” You smile, “Do you have any ideas?” Your head rests against the side of Kylo’s bicep, your pointer finger traces patterns on Ellie’s back. 

“We can think about it another time.” Kylo mumbles, his lips gently kiss each of their heads than yours last. There’s no way you can live without him now. He has you and his children wrapped around his finger. You’re finally a family again. 

His eyes travel back over to you, “Do you mean that?” He whispers. He heard your thoughts. You look up to make eye contact with him, “Of course. I love you. Our children don’t deserve to live without you. It isn’t fair to them.” You stand up on your tippy-toes to give him another kiss against his lips. 

A small sniffle comes from Kylo which makes you pull back to look at him. His eyes are flooded with tears threatening to spill. “Oh, bub.” You bring your hands up to his face to catch his tears as they fall. 

You can tell how uncomfortable he is with his own emotions but you try your best to comfort him. “It’s okay to cry. You don’t have to be embarrassed.” You breathe out and press little kisses all over his face. 

“You’re the only thing that can calm me down when I feel this way. Even when I’m angry. I think of you and... everything melts away.” He gulps and his eyes flicker between you and the babies. His words make tears form in your eyes too.

“I can’t take you back with me tonight. I need to get things in order before I have all three of you there. It’ll be soon. Maybe a couple of weeks.” His voice grows a bit more serious. 

“I understand. I’ll wait for you for as long as possible.” You rest your head against his shoulder for a while longer. 

You all stand there in the middle of the jungle for a few more minutes before you pull away. You yawn and tears prick your eyes from exhaustion. 

His eyes open to look down at you with pure love, “You should head back.” He kisses your temple, one of his arms hold the babies against his chest while the other wraps around your waist to hold you tight. His fingers touching the little bit of exposed skin makes you shiver. 

“I don’t want to leave you yet.” You pick your head up from his shoulder to look at him sadly. “I want you to make it back safely. You should go.” He nudges Ellie towards you.

You give him a kiss against his cheek as you gently scoop up a sleepy Ellie to put her back in her harness on your side as well as Ani. 

Kylo bends down to kiss each of their heads, and he whispers that he loves them. When he stands up tall, you have to look up at him. 

“I’m not ready to say goodbye yet. I’ll miss you terribly.” His hands sneak under your jacket to hold your waist, pulling you closer. Only if the babies weren’t here right now, you would’ve been on him already.

He chuckles at your thoughts then leans down to kiss you, his tongue gently moves against yours. You can feel the sexual tension rising in the space between your bodies, it makes your stomach do flips. 

“Soon.” He says, “You’ll be all mine soon.” He grips your hips a bit too hard just for a moment before pulling away. “I’ll be back.” He waits for you to say those three words first but you refuse, “I... love you.” He mumbles out as it pained him to say it first.

It doesn’t really bother you though. He’s come so far with showing his emotions and being so open with you. Before he turns away, you peck his lips one more time. “I love you more.” You sigh against his skin. 

“That’s not right.” He chuckles again softly, his hand grips yours once more to squeeze it before he pulls away to get into his ship. 

You start to walk away towards the trees again but you look back one more time. You catch his eyes as he clicks on buttons which make the engine power on, you smile wide before you turn around and continue on your path. 

The trees shake from the power of the ship rising, you watch as it moves into the night sky then disappears just as quickly. He’s gone, for now. 

You let out a sigh as you begin your hike back to the base, tears prick at your eyes and you silently cry on the way back. You keep your hands on your children to keep you comforted as you walk. Animals scurry around you which startles you. 

You see artificial beams of light up ahead shining through the trees like flashlights. You pick your speed when you hear them yelling your name, “I’m here! I’m here!” You say back to them quite loudly. Rey runs towards you to pull you out of the foliage, her eyes are full of fear. 

“What were you doing?!” She pulls you into a hug which gives you time to look at the people around you. Poe, Finn, Rose, BB-8, Leia and a few other crew members are standing around. 

“You could’ve gotten hurt, you could have gotten El and Ani hurt.” Her voice cracks as she pulls away to look into your eyes, “I had a vision about Ren. Was he here?” She breathes out seriously as she deeply stares into your eyes.  

“In person? No.” You scoff as if it isn’t true, “Although, he did come through the Force on my walk.” You mumble and look at your feet sheepishly. 

Rey lets out a relieved sigh and drops her hands from your shoulders, “Walk? You were hiking. That’s no walk. I was so worried he got to us somehow.” She takes a deep breath then Poe interrupts. 

“You said you were just walking around, not going through the jungle in the middle of the night. What were you doing out there?” He snaps at you which takes you a bit to not explode on him at this moment. 

“I’m my own person, Poe. I felt like something was calling out to me so I went in there to take a little walk. Ren appeared then we talked. I didn’t realize how much time went by, okay? It just went by too quick.” You put your face in your hands to rub your temples. 

Rey’s hand rubs your back soothingly, “It’s fine.” She says through her teeth directed at Poe. “I just feel like something is wro-.” Poe tries to continue but Leia stops him. “Enough.” She says softly as she moves forward. 

Leia’s hand rests on Poe’s shoulder as she wobbles past him, “As long as you’re safe now, that is all that matters. There’s no reason to interrogate her.” She replaces Rey and starts to lead you back towards the base. 

Before she speaks to you, she makes sure both of you are far away from the group. “I felt his presence this time... It was strong, even Rey knew something was off. I don't want to pry but if you need to tell me something, you can.” 

She is so kind and down to earth but you can’t reveal the truth. “I just miss him so much, Leia.” You sniffle. 

Your emotions come back out of nowhere, tears fall from your eyes slowly and snot goes to drip from your nose but you wipe it with your sleeve. 

Leia sighs as she leads you into her little room, “If you feel like you’d be happier with him then take one of our ships and go. I won’t stop you. Although the others might try.” She takes a cup and pours dark blue hot liquid into it from a glass pitcher. Her words surprise you since you thought you would never hear her say that. 

“Drink. It’ll calm you down.” She hands you the steaming mug and you sip at it slowly. 

The warmth washes over your nerves and numbs them. You slowly start to feel sleepy and content as the tears dry on your cheeks, “As much as it would pain me to see you go down that path again, I’d let you leave. It’s hard for me as a mother to see my son so torn. I know he wants to come back for you...” She mumbles, “But he feels as if he’s too late.” You finish her sentence. 

She gives you a sympathetic smile and nods, “He thinks he’s done too much wrong to come back. Which is true, nobody will trust him enough and we would have to keep him... contained. I’m not sure if I would trust my own son either.” She sighs again, “Go ahead and get some rest. Tomorrow we can talk more.” She sits down on her cot so she can get ready for bed herself. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Leia. Thank you.” You say goodbye as you walk out, the mug is still warm in your hands. 

When you get back to your room, you take the babies out of their carriers. You carefully lay them in their bassinets to tuck them in. You get changed into some clothes before you crash on your bed, you swear you’re in such a deep sleep you’re snoring the whole night. 

Your usual alarm wakes you up in the morning, you groan and slam your hand down on it so it would shut up. “Noooo... I’m not ready.” You croak out as you roll over onto your back. Your face is crusty where you were drooling throughout the night then you open your eyes to see that your lights are on, thanks to the alarm. 

A soft sigh falls from your lips as you sit up to see that Ellie is wide awake in her bassinet but Ani is still asleep. You start to get a bottle ready for them both but you’ll feed her first. 

Once the milk is warmed, you test it on your wrist to make sure it’s not too hot before you pick her up and feed her. “My baby girl. You’re so gorgeous.” You run your thumb down the side of her soft face as she sucks on the bottle. 

Sometimes, you wake up and it’s so surreal that this is your life now. You have your own children and they’re beautiful little babies too. 

You can’t wait till the day you can share mornings like these with Kylo. That’s when your life will feel complete. 

tags: @officiallpeterparker @funnysadshit @ymariejp @attorneyl @fangirl570 @trinityrud20 @kylos-sassy-cousin @delicatelyherdreams @fizzywoohoo @savvy7392 @angelias134 @that-girl-named-alex @cas-backwards-tie @glimmering-darling-dolly @glitterypinkkitty @blxkstar @his-snow-white-queen @elsasshole @smiithys @nanocoool @deathbyarabbit @alex-skr @theholycakehole  @averillian  @crazynocturnalkiki @arcanebabe @tinydancer40 @superduckypower  @thomasscresswell @butterfly-writes @thatintrovertedbisexual @fangirlanotherjust @somekindofroger  @nicci442 @little-girl-who-dream-too-much @wildest-dream- @silverlambcaptain @cliffordmess​ @xkylorxn @lowkeyofsassguard @nickangel13​ @carol-twinklefists-danvers​ @oopsiedoopsie23​ @fandomshit6000​ @baba-eina @cosmichellfire​ @ravngers​

[avengersassemble-fics]

Ashes

part 04/?? “a secret he can carry”

masterlist

previous part // next part

word count 3.3k

an: sorry this one is shorter but it contains some important information!!

There was one thing that Ben seemed to have lost after the Purge, and that was his patience. In the years since he had been on this desert covered planet, he had never been as impatient as he was at this very moment. No amount of meditating was helping to clear his mind, inevitably he would find himself back by the side of the unconscious woman who had taken over his own bed.

It had been four days now since the former Jedi, and the two runaways, had delved into your mind and healed your wounds. Ben didn’t know how he did it, but when you didn’t wake up soon after he spent more and more time trying to reconnect with you when he was allowed time away from the others who now hid out in their ship outside. That was where he was now, seated on a stool next to your side, gently rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand.

Ben had never been one to show such… Admiration. Not since Satine, at least. And even then when he grew older and more involved in the Jedi ways, he never openly embraced her in the way he has with you. Deep down something was saying he shouldn’t be clinging onto you like this, but another part of him didn’t care. And that was the feeling that was stronger in this instance.

Ben inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering shut as he could feel your pulse against your wrist he held onto so dearly. His breaths soon matched yours as he dived into your mind again, seeking an answer he hadn’t yet gotten. The familiar darkness swallowed him again, but it wasn’t the raging darkness he had once seen in his Padawan, no this one was calm. This was just you resting. But from what he knew, what you had shared with him over the years, there was another here. More maybe, but he knew someone (or something) was helping you regain your strength. They may have healed you physically, but something was keeping you here to heal you mentally. Maybe even be helping you heal your connection. That was all Ben wanted to know. Were you going to be okay?

“She’ll be fine,” a voice said behind him. Ben’s eyes opened, met with an overwhelming amount of sunshine he wasn’t prepared for. Grass covered the ground he stood on, and a figure moved around him to stand before him. Their hood was lowered and Ben was met with an unfamiliar face. They offered him a smile, and latched their fingers together. “It is good to see you, Obi-Wan.”

“I’m afraid we haven’t met,” Ben said. The figure nodded, taking a small step forward.

“Not formally, no. But we know you fairly well.”

“We?” Ben asked. The figure nodded and Ben glanced behind them, as if looking for another person.

“We, though it’s just me in this form,” they explained. Ben nodded a bit and took another glance around.

“I’ve been here before, haven’t I?”

“You and your Padawan, yes. In one way or another,” they said. “You have questions. We wanted to help ease your mind.”

“Who exactly is this we?” Ben first asked. The figure came to his side, and together, began to walk beside one another.

“We are, how you would say, guardians of the Force. Here we do not believe in the good or evil, we believe in the natural balance.”

Ben nodded along when they finished their explanation, but he couldn’t help but raise a brow. “If you believe in the natural balance, then why were the Jedi allowed to fall?”

“We didn’t want it to happen, Obi-Wan,” they said. They paused for a moment, and Ben looked back to meet their eyes, which had looked almost remorseful. “We are sorry you and the other Jedi had to experience such loss. We are bound to this existence, we tried to intervene, but-”

“Intervene how?” Ben asked almost abruptly. “Pardon my expression, but hundreds of souls were lost. Good and kind souls. Good men were created and used as pawns for a Sith Lord.”

The figure did not reply back right away. They seemed to glance over their shoulder as if to seek permission from another who wasn’t there. They looked back to him and offered a nod. “Did you ever learn how Skywalker was brought into existence?”

That was an odd question. Ben couldn’t help but glance over the figure before they started to walk again, and Ben sighed and followed. “My Master believed him to be born from the Force.”

“Your Master was both right and wrong. Are you familiar with Darth Plagueis?”

Ben wanted to scoff. He had heard of the Sith Lord from his Master before he himself became a Master. The Jedi had felt his fall during the early months of training his Padawan. They thought the Sith were done for good. How blind they were back then. “He was the Sith Lord before Palpatine.”

“He was his Master,” the figure corrected. “Plagueis had a unique gift, one that we knew would lead to his demise. He could manipulate midi-chlorians to create and manipulate life. He further learned how to transfer his own consciousness to another. He had found a way to life for eternity.. Something he passed along to his Padawan.”

“They learned how to create life?”

“Indeed,” they answered. Ben looked down to his feet, as if already knowing what was going to be said to him next. “Sidious tried this tactic once. Unknowingly, he created a life. He had impregnated a slave on Tatooine unknowingly, and thus led to the virgin birth of Anakin Skywalker. Once he learned of the boy's existence, he killed his Master.”

“And thus he began to groom him,” Ben spoke out loud. The figure nodded by his side. “He planned from the beginning to have Anakin as his Padawan.”

“To complete the Rule of Two, yes,” the figure acknowledged.

“So if you knew of this occurrence, how did you intervene?” Ben asked. The figure came to another stop just before him, and turned to face him fully.

“When we learned of what Sidious had done, learned of the life he created.. We looked to the future, we saw what would unfold if we did not intervene-“

“You saw the future and yet so many were slaughtered,” Ben interrupted. The figure pursed their mouth, but let him continue. “What was your intervention anyway?”

“Impatience does not suit you, Obi-Wan,” they told him. Ben wanted to roll his eyes, but he instead crossed his arms. “Skywalker was destined to fall. His love and his lack of faith was the root of his problems. He believed he’d lose everything, and in his actions he did so. We saw nearly two decades of the Empire’s reign, of the Sith rule.. We could not allow it to happen. Sidious created a life.. So we did as well.”

He didn’t answer right away. Ben watched as the scenery around him changed, ash now crunched under his boots and there was a farm in the distance. He could hear the shrill scream of a child in the distance, and he took a couple steps forward almost automatically. He stopped in his tracks when he watched a young girl run around the corner, wind whipping through her hair and not far behind came a racing father. The child was whisked into the air and the shrill cries turned into bouts of laughter. Ben swallowed the lump that had formed at the back of his throat, and the figure joined his side once more.

“They struggled for years to conceive,” the figure explained. “We wanted the child to have a good upbringing.. To feel loved. The parents were destined to die during the Clone Wars, we believed that this ending.. At least they knew the love from having a child they always hoped for.”

Ben watched as the father, your father, carried you back around the corner, the laughter dying down the further they got away from the two intruders. Ben couldn’t help but wiggle his fingers by his side, trying to wrap his mind around everything he was learning. “So you created a life naturally. She acts as your connection to the physical world.”

“Yes,” they answered simply. “Plagueis and Sidious detecting her presence in the Force was.. Not expected. But her being brought to Tatooine alongside Skywalker was.. An unexpected advantage. The Sith Lords didn’t know about him at the time, so their bond was naturally built. We did not intervene in that matter.”

“Did you always intend for them to..”

“No,” they answered again simply. “When it began to happen we worried that it would be the same outcome as the future we originally saw.. But we put our trust and hope into her decisions.”

Ben nodded to himself. The scene changed again before him, and they were back to where they started. Grass and sunshine enveloped him, and he inhaled deeply. “What are you expecting out of her.”

It was a demand more than a question. The figure looked him over but he stood his ground. They gave him a short nod, and a small answer before departing him. “To help Skywalker fulfill his destiny.”

The all too familiar white walls of this Star Destroyer was all Vader tried to focus on. His heavy steps and equally heavy breathing filled the hallways he walked through on his way to his personal chambers. Stormtroopers and officers paused and offered their respect as he passed, but Vader ignored them. He had more important things to attend to.

His personal quarters were his destination. He knew as he walked in and came to a kneel in the middle of the room that his Master would be waiting. Nearly on cue, a hologram appeared before him and towered Vader in size, and the hunched image of his superior filled the room. Vader knew he had his eyes on the back of his helmet, but he kept his head down until he was granted permission to stand.

“Lord Vader,” the sickly, cold voice rang around the walls. Vader’s hiss-and-purr was all but an answer, but he couldn’t help but clench his fist that rested on his bent leg. “Rise, my Padawan.”

Vader rose, coming to a stand still towered over by the Emperor. Under his hood his dark eyes looked over Vader, but offered no hint of any of the thoughts running through his evil mind. “Did you receive word about these pesky Jedi?”

“My Inquisitors are scouring Tatooine as we speak, Master,” Vader answered. The Emperor nodded and said a small ‘good’ in response. Vader looked over his Master, and for a moment wondered if he should tell his Master what he learned.

“Is something troubling you,Padawan?” The Emperor asked. Vader closed his eyes for a moment behind his mask, and with only a second or two to think, he gave a short answer.

“No, Master.”

This was a secret he could carry with him for a little while longer. At least while he did his own investigation.

The Emperor hesitated to end their call, but when he did Vader was on the move again. His Star Destroyer had travelled to the outer rim of the Core Planets, looming in the darkness and stars, none of the planets knew what Lord Vader’s presence meant, but he was sure it put them on edge. It wasn’t often he came near these planets. But he had a mission of his own, and not one that his Master needed to know about. Vader made his way back through the halls and to his personal hangar, where his TIE fighter sat. When he climbed inside and flicked several switches on and heard the familiar roar of the engines, Vader had to control his thoughts.

Vader always enjoyed flying. Even as the weak Jedi he was, it was one of his favorite pastimes. There weren’t too many chances Vader got to be free of the eyes of those around him, so as his ship pulled out of the hangar and the hiss of the engines shot him off towards his destination, he was calm. He ignored the ever growing persistence in the back of mind.

He hadn’t been back to Coruscant since he left the then pregnant Senator with promises of returning. He had intended to rendezvous on Korriban after his duties on Mustafar were complete, and with his beloved by his side they would all travel to Naboo. Vader couldn’t believe how foolish he had been before his true rise to power. But for some reason that didn’t seem to settle his mind as he descended his ship into the familiar flow of traffic on Coruscant.

It was a busy planet, even all these years ago. The hustle and bustle of the upper city was a sight for sore eyes, even behind the helmet Vader always had to wear. But his eyes were trained on one familiar building, one where he had tucked away after the death of his always and forever, one that even when his ship settled on the landing pad just outside the main room, Vader hesitated to get out. But he knew what needed to be done. He pushed himself out of the ship, and with each step he took into the open apartment, the hiss and purr of his breathing was the only sound he could hear.

A tall tower of black, billows of a cape down to the ground and shifting with each step, Vader looked around his surroundings. Images played out before him like he was living in a memory.. One he never wanted to leave.

The room got brighter. Sunshine flittered into the rooms and Vader came to a stop to watch his former self pace before him. He could see the fiddle of his flesh fingers and the mechanical ones that used to adorn his arms, the dark Jedi robes crossed the floors and Vader heard it first. He could see it out of the corner of his helmet, the movement of a body in the other room. Vader watched as the beautiful silhouette that often clogged his mind was just mere feet in front of him again. He didn’t even listen to the conversation that happened in this memory, Vader remembered he had offered his apologies for seeing you in such a vulnerable way. He instead took careful steps forward, looking over your frame, the smile that crossed your face, and when he reached forward to brush some wet hair from your shoulder, when you faded away.

Vader never could live these moments very long. The sunshine was gone, and he was back in the same apartment, but it lacked the life that once was there. Now standing in the bedroom he shared with the woman he imagined forever with, Vader focused his attention on the only out of place item in the room. It was a small chest, one he had tucked away of his own creation to gift to you when his children were born, and it was placed here by Vader himself after the Clone Wars had ended. He had made a trip, unknowing to his Master, back here whenever he retrieved your weaponry from Korriban.

Vader had felt the need to keep this safe. Safe from the elements, safe from his Master, and safe from himself. But with his knowledge, Vader needed to see it again. With his gloved hands he opened the box and was met with the slight gleam off the lightsaber that rested inside.

The only other thing that stared up at him was the japor ivory pendant tied onto the hilt.

It had felt like a lifetime between when you had closed your eyes to being able to finally reopen them and squint against the dimly lit and slightly dusted room. Your head fell to the side as you peered around your environment, a light throw blanket covered you and instinctively your hand reached under and lifted the hem of your shirt to glide across your skin. It was smooth and showed no sign that anything had even happened. You pushed yourself up, the ache you remembered was long gone now as well, and carefully moved to set your feet down on the ground.

Ben didn’t have much of himself here, even in his own room. No knickknacks, no personal items, just.. Well, just junk. Gadgets were strewn here and there, old pieces of metal he would eventually recycle into something else, but nothing symbolizing him. You shook your head as you pushed your feet into the boots they must have taken off you who knows how long ago, and stood. Your eyes looked around for any sign of the jacket you had been wearing, but it was nowhere in sight. With a shake of your head and a blood stained tank top, you hesitantly made your way up the rounded stairs, not hearing any voices coming from the main room.

After making it to the top, and no one being there to greet you from your trance, you huffed a bit. Though you had no pain, your body and mind felt weak. Probably just from lack of water and food, but you also had an overwhelming sense of.. Everything. The stale air inside the little house, the smell of burning sand outside, and even the echo of voices just beyond the door. As you pulled yourself over to it, pressing the panel firmly to open the door, you were met with the sweet sound of one voice.

Ben.

Taking steps out into the glaring Tatooine environment was hard enough in and of itself, but you seeked out his voice. Kicking sand up along the way you had gotten maybe five to six steps out before the pounding in your head sharpened. You weren’t close enough to fully capture the exchange, but it was as if you could feel the young Jedi hit the sand like he was right in front of you.

Ben twirled his practice staff over his palms, circling the young Cal Kestis so his back (unironically) faced where you came out of the house. “You have to be aware of your surroundings, Cal. Those Inquisitors won’t hold back, they’ll look for any opening you give them-”

Cal had picked himself up from the sandy ground and given his practice staff a tight squeeze, but he looked past the man before him when a shape caught his eyes. He had loosened his grip seeing you wander out into the sun, and raised a brow. “Uh.. Ben-”

“- And if you ever were to come face to face to the Emperor’s apprentice again, you want to make sure-”

“Sir,” Cal tried again. Ben finally stopped speaking after the red haired Jedi interrupted him again, and Cal motioned behind him. Ben turned around to face the glaring sun but his squint softened at the sight of you. You had come to a stop a few feet away from him but Ben wasted no time in dropping his practice staff and rushing over, and pulling you firmly against him. Instinctively one of his hands nestled the back of your head and the other arm held you to him. He wouldn’t dare to admit it to anyone but he was relieved you had finally woken up.

You two only stayed like this for a moment, before Ben separated from you. He looked you over and noted the dirty clothing you wore, and gave a sheepish smile. “I tried to tell you this wouldn’t end well.”

You let out a chuckle, and only shook your head. “Maybe you’re right.. Please tell me you have food back in there.”

Ben nodded, and with his help, he led you back to the small hut. Cal followed in tow with Ben’s dropped staff, and after a short while, the rest of the young Jedi’s crew had joined them inside.

How were you going to break this news to him?

- - - - - - - - - -

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