#AND WHERE ON EARTH IN THE CODE DOES IT MENTION GUILT

[shootingstarpilot]

"is the jedi code catholicism? kinda" "i mean if we go by guilt alone"

tell me you missed the whole point of the jedi without saying you missed the whole point of the jedi

[starheirxero]

NEXUS AND MOON FINALLY MET!! :D And Ruin is being the cryptic freak he is/affectionate <3

I wanted to point out something really interesting to me-

The last two days of episodes mention a few rather interesting things! Specifically character motivations!

Though subtle, there are lines that tell us a lot about the characters' thought processes, and it really jumped out to me!

In "Lunar gets kicked out", Moon mentions why he wants Lunar to live with them. He feels responsible for them.

Though it seems obvious once you think about it, it tells us not just a lot about Moon and his relationship to Lunar, but Lunar's relationship with Nexus as well.

Moon has a guilty conscience, often thinking of himself as the cause of the problem. This has been a problem for a long time, even prior to his death.

Though he's been incredibly casual, his actions still lay heavy on him, though he has trouble expressing it.

Lunar came from his head. This is where his code developed.

Moon naturally feels responsible for them! Another factor of this could also be his knowledge of being stuck in someone's head.

Its also interesting to note, that Lunar didn't correct or reassure him, instead being upset at the wording! This could mean, that Lunar does feel hurt and left behind, which makes sense!

After all, they died, and when they came back, their big brother was just…gone, sacrificing himself for someone who, in Lunar's eyes, caused much more harm than good.

It actually tells us a lot about their relationship with Nexus as well!!

Nexus knows, where Lunar comes from, and feels the same level of responsibility. He likely felt guilty about Moon's departure as well!

I'm not sure when this happened, but I know Nexus once said, Moon wouldn't have cared about Lunar's death.

This was, of course, his own resentment speaking, but it explains his protectiveness, which was turned up a notch when it came to Lunar!

He's trying to make it up to them.

Lunar's point of view is a whole cane of worms itself- It's been something I've been thinking about for a long time, though I never found the right words for it!

They obviously love Nexus, that much is clear. But they seemed rather avoident of him. It's much different from their relationship with Earth and Sun.

Lunar is a selfish person. They try not to be, and try their best to be empathetic, something they tend to struggle with.

Despite this though, this part of them sometimes peeks through. That's not a bad thing, of course, it makes their character human, and honestly really fun!

Point is, this especially happens around Nexus.

A good example being the Dazzle episodes with those two.

Lunar is a lot more demanding towards him in them, and their little moments of the "sibling dynamic", seem rather tense, much different from the joking atmosphere they usually have around their other siblings. Nexus seems genuinely hurt by Lunar's lack of interest, not even bothering with a simple thank you.

And honesty? It makes sense.

Lunar's perspective on the situation is honestly so fascinating to me!

The tension started, when Eclipse came back.

However, even though they were angry at being babied, something that makes a lot more sense now with Nexus' guilt involved, that wasn't what set them off.

Instead, it started going down hill once Nexus made a deal with Eclipse, and thought of letting him live.

Because Moon had seen everything.

He has seen the dents marking his own metal, inflicted upon him by Eclipse to hurt Lunar.

He knows about Lunar's fear and discomfort, when it comes to Sun's glow feature.

He heared Lunar's thoughts, his doubts, once mentioning, that Lunar can't exactly hide things from him.

Hell, it's been established, that Lunar could see Moon's memories, so theres a likelyhood of the reverse being possible as well.

Moon even brought them to Solar's dimension, for the sake of closure, knowing their time with Eclipse was still eating them up inside.

He should know the pain inflicted on them. Yet he doesn't, because this isn't Moon.

This is Nexus. A replacement. A new person, wearing their brother's face and pretending to be him.

This isn't their older brother anymore. This isn't the guy, who they ran to, when they couldn't take the abuse anymore.

This isn't the person, that took them in. This isn't the brother, that gave them a home. He's not the one, that tried to encourage their interests, or scolded Sun when he accidentally made them cry.

No, this brother is long gone, sacrificing himself for a killcode who hasn't brought anything but misery.

Because Lunar doesn't know about KC's change of heart, or his regret.

In Lunar's eyes, Killcode is nothing but the monster, that caused psychological warfare to his brother, and forced them out of Moon's head.

Of course, there's going to be resentment towards Moon.

"Why would you leave me behind, and at the mercy of my personal demon, for someone who caused us harm?"

And naturally, this resentment would fall upon Nexus as well.

But it only really started to rear its ugly head, when he spared Eclipse.

Because this is the painful moment, that truly paints Nexus a different person.

A replacement, a stranger in a loved ones body.

A reminder of what they lost.

And they know, they are in the wrong.

They know the moment, that they acknowledge Eclipse's death, caused by their own hands, was a mistake.

But they are selfish. They are selfish, and they cannot help but put themself first. They cannot help, but put their own feelings first.

Holy shit, I did not expect to write a whole paragraph-

I needed to get this out of my system though- Lunar is like an insect to me, affectionately! I need to study them under a microscope-

That being said, this also plays into Nexus' development!

In "Moon and Nexus meet", Nexus says some pretty interesting things, mentioning, that Dark Sun is the only one who enjoys what he makes, the only one, who let's him do what he wants to.

This tells us, that Nexus truly did feel like a replacement for Moon.

He felt like he needed to be someone else, pretend to be something he's not.

He needed to be Lunar and Sun's lost brother. He needed to be Earth's reliable, big brother, when, technically, he existed last.

There were too many expectations on him, both from the people around him, and also himself. He likely built up a lot of resentment as well, and now he's letting it all flow out. A bit of this resentment could be heared, when Lunar did not give him that single thank you.

There's definitely more in play here, but I think, this has been eating him up for a long time, long before Solar died. However, Solar's death made him realize, that he can't be Moon, no matter, how hard he tries.

Nexus never truly had an identity of his own, instead being pushed into someone else's.

And of course, there's Eclipse. It always comes around to him, it seems-

I think, the last two MGAFS episodes give us quite the insight into his moral code.

And interestingly enough, it's incredibly similar to Ruin's!

If it's for the greater good, it doesn't matter, who gets hurt.

It doesn't matter, if FC is in pain and relives a traumatic experience, as long as the havoc wrecking ghost gets destroyed.

It doesn't matter, if Puppet has to die, if it means, keeping the multiverse alive.

It doesn't matter, who I hurt, because the star can do anything, and I will create an utopia.

It's such an interesting, morally grey point of view!!

-Stardust

YEYAYEYSYWYESYES!!!!!!!!! I GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN ACTUALLY I'VE BEEN PICKING UP ON THAT TOO

AND YOUR WHOLE RAMBLE ABOUT LUNAR N MOON N NEXUS YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T HAVE PRODUCTION ADDITIONS I'M JUST NODDING SO FURIOUSLY!!!!! I had almost totally forgot about the whole "not even a thank you" with Lunar and Nexus and now that you've reminded me of it, I realize just how long this has been building up for!!!!

It's so many layers of sad to me too because neither of them are necessarily in the wrong. Lunar was mourning where Moon used to stand and Nexus was trying to be someone he literally couldn't be and it just... clashed. No way around it.

And yesyes like u said with Lunar and Moon too!! There's a lotta unaddressed bitterness from the fact Lunar woke up after death and Moon had just up and died to someone Lunar still thought of as a Pretty Shitty Guy!!! And even just unaddressed stuff from before they died, it's just. a lot.

There's so much turmoil between the lunar models and its just awuagahgh it fucks me UP.

And Eclipse's morals yesyesyes!!! They are awfully Ruin-like aren't they?!?!! I wonder if that's something to do with them both being eclipsed models or if it's something with how they were both brought up or if maybe Eclipse's are so Ruin-like now bc that's who made him or whatever yk..... Exactly like u said it's such a fascinating case of grey morality wohoo!!!!! ^_^

[dr-brainrot]

Alastor's Time Alive + Deal Theory

You know why it’s important to know who Alastor’s victims were?

Because it’ll explain A LOT.

If Alastor was just another run of the mill serial killer, he probably killed for the thrill coupled with ego, trauma, and untreated psychological issues. His victims either had no connection, or they had a hyper specific trait but they were innocent people. Think Joker.

HOWEVER, let's say Alastor killed not so great people. Rapists, abusers, violent people, etc. I’m imagining a vigilante taking the law into their own hands. Alastor gets a thrill of living the double life while also feeling power over taking out shitty people. This would make sense given what we already see from him in the show. To our knowledge he doesn’t go after lesser sinners unless they cross him, he takes out big overlords, and anyone’s soul he has tied to him doesn't seem physically tethered to him. The souls he has (Husk, Nifty?) appear to live their lives until Alastor calls on them. This is much more humane (for hell) compared to certain overlords we’ve seen (*cough*Valentino*cough*).

So what? Alive Alastor (possibly) kills shitty people, gets a thrill from getting away with it and the power trip, he dies because he was sloppy with one of the bodies, and seems to be continuing his hunt for power and dominance in hell. Why does this change anything?

Because that would make him complex. Instead of just being this serial killer, he’s a serial killer with a vigilante complex and some sort of moral code. 

And him being complex could point to who his deal is with and what his deal could be related to.

When Alastor is freaking out, he mentions “Once I figure out how to unclip my wings.” I don’t think this is alluding to Alastor being an angel (saint? Since he’s human idk if it's an angel), but it might allude to Alastor having a deal with an angel. But who? Haven’t we met all possible angels? Not necessarily.

Where’s Eve?

You’re telling me that the woman who ate the apple, a pretty significant part in bringing evil to earth, Adam’s second wife, is NOWHERE TO BE SEEN??? Yeah, no. 

Adam and Eve are probably estranged, given Adam seems very interested in every other woman except Eve. I’m wondering if Eve would take the role of a 50s trad wife? I think the guilt and shame Lucifer has for being a fallen angel and his hand in bringing evil to the world could be mirrored in Eve, where she tries her best to be the perfect wife, perfect woman, to repent for her mistakes. She’s allowed in Heaven because she begs for forgiveness. 

When the first extermination happens, she probably went down to Hell with Adam, to see what her actions resulted in. She gets to Hell and is shocked with what she sees. She sees sinners, but she also sees how complicated sinners are. They have families, there’s children down here, some sinners are trying to protect their loved ones from the extermination, fearful for their lives. She can’t unsee the human in the sinners.

And then she runs into Alastor, who just so happened to take a stroll to see where all these angels are coming from and wtf is going on??? Eve sees Alastor and she just has this gut feeling about him. A killer sure, but he was as complex as any of the other sinners down here.

So she goes up to him.

She talks with him and thinks that his actions were brutal, but he wasn’t killing anyone who’d be missed. He had a very specific moral code, with twisted execution, and probably grew up in a traumatizing environment. She sees how powerful he is and, while standing in the middle of blood and carnage, she makes a deal with him. She’ll give him some of her angelic powers under the condition that he will be her Hell diplomat, making sure Hell isn’t screwed over completely by Heaven. I feel like Eve would have a soft spot for Hell and its sinners and would feel bad that she got to go to Heaven, even with her sin, while the rest rot in Hell. Alastor 100% agrees because hell yeah more power. Eve’s first order is for Alastor to go down to Earth and make sure there are still sinners coming into Hell, even with the extermination happening. 

So that’s what he does. He’s on Earth making sure souls come to hell for 7 years. Which would make sense of why Alastor knows modern slang in Stayed Gone. Granted he could have heard it in Hell, but he hasn't been in hell for the past 7 years, so how tf would his great depression ass know what a podcast is? I think Heaven would hear the news about Charlie’s hotel (They know about Angel Dust, they’re somewhat aware of the goings on in Hell) but because they thought it was a fruitless plan they didn’t really care, except for Eve. Eve eventually hears about Charlie’s idea and immediately wants to help her, sending Alastor back to hell to keep an eye on her and her hotel. Cue season 1.

This would make sense of why Alastor thought he could take on Adam without angelic weapons. He was already given some angelic powers, surely he’d be strong enough to hold his own! Until he gets his ass handed to him. Cue freak out. 

I think the correlation between Lilith and Alastor both disappearing 7 years ago is just a coincidence, I think Lilith’s deal with Adam is separate from Alastor’s deal with Eve. I have other thoughts on Lilith and Adam’s deal but that’s for another post lol.

And I'm also operating under the impression that the exterminations have been going on for 7 years and not longer, but again that's another post.

I’d love to hear other theories! I’m still on the fence on Eve's motivations, and also her relationship to Lucifer? Like were they actually- uh… bow chika wow wow-ing??? What would that mean for Lucifer and Lilith’s relationship? Is Eve a jealous ex trying to get into the royal hell family??? That would mess up the story we’re told in the beginning, though I doubt the book was written with truth at the forefront (possibly propaganda). Honestly I’m buzzing with theories🤯

[nyovette]

Where the Dark Stands Still by A. B. Poranek

Synopsis: Raised in a small village near the spirit-wood, Liska Radost knows that Magic is monstrous, and its practitioners, monsters. After Liska unleashes her own powers with devastating consequences, she is caught by the demon warden of the wood – the Leszy – who offers her a bargain: one year of servitude in exchange for a wish.

Whisked away to his crumbling manor, Liska soon discovers the sinister roots of their bargain. And if she wants to survive the year and return home, she must unravel her host’s spool of secrets and face the ghosts of his past.

Those who enter the wood do not always return…

Rating: ★★★★☆

⚠️ SPOILERS ⚠️

When people in the reviews say this book was very Howl's Moving Castle-esque, they weren't lying. The Leszy is incredibly Howl-coded - which we love (you can never have too many Howls). Poranek actually mentions Diana Wynn Jones and Howl's Moving Castle in the Acknowledgements, and you can definitely see how it inspired Leszy's character. There were also some Ghibli vibes for other characters, such as the House under the Rowan Tree and Kazimiera.

I appreciated that Leszy, or Eliasz, was flawed in some way. It's very easy to write 'perfect' characters who are always good and may do, not bad, but just... naughty(..?), things for the right reasons. Naughty doesn't feel like the right word, but like a character will break the rules or put appear to put people in danger in order to save/help them. Hopefully, you get what I mean. Anyway, Eliasz wasn't like that imo.

It's revealed that Eliasz made a deal with an old god 700 years ago. The god would give him power and, in return, would take Eliasz's life and magic after 100 years. Through this deal, Eliasz was able to become incredibly powerful and create the Driada to trap the demons that stalked the earth within it. Eliasz makes this deal not to protect humanity but due to greed and a desire for power (though, eventually, he does make protecting the people in the surrounding villages his priority). He was tossed aside when he didn't excel as his teacher had hoped, and so wanted to become something more. After 100 years have passed, Eliasz finds that the old god is satisfied with a sacrifice in his place, as long as the person has magic. Eliasz would then lure people to the Driada every 100 years, and they would die in his place.

Eliasz admits that he knew it was wrong and felt guilt for what he was a part of. At first, he would try to pick people who caused pain to others, but as the number of magic users dwindled, he couldn't afford to be so picky. Of course, the justification here is that if Eliasz were to die, so would the Driada and humanity would be exposed to the demons it held. He did it out of necessity. But when Liska discovers the truth, she compares it to a king sending men to war but "it feels different. Worse, somehow."

It feels worse because of the deception. Men going to war know they may die, Eliasz companions did not. He lured them into the forest with the promise of a wish and instead led them to their deaths. It's cruel, and the innocent are paying for Eliasz's past greed.

I really liked that Poranek chose to do this with Eliasz. He had to choose between the lives of the few and the lives of the many, which is an ethical dilemma in itself, but, even so, his methods were cruel. He feels guilt and remorse for handing those people over to their deaths. He's searched for a way to bring his curse to an end so that no more people have to die and the Driada can still stand. However, in the end, he can't avoid facing the repercussions of his actions 700 years ago. And I feel satisfied with that. Don't get me wrong, I liked Eliasz, but I felt that his death was needed for any sort of closure in this story.

Anyways, I don't really know where I'm going with this. My reviews are never really 'reviews' but more like ramblings, so I hope anyone reading doesn't have very high expectations for me😅 But, yeah, I liked the complexity with Eliasz's character, and I liked the book as a whole. Liska deserved better.

[barbarianprncess]

of these rushing waves

(you’ll be the oxygen i breathe)

A week after the Titan War, Annabeth is drafting a temple to Hestia when the weight of being the only person in the world that knows Percy's weak spot hits her.

Like. Really hits her.

(or 2k words of annabeth discovering what she means to percy)

(the biggest of shout outs to @timelesslords for helping me make this coherent, and to @colorguardfreak97 for encouraging me every step of the way. enjoy <3)

read on ao3

A week after the Titan War, Annabeth is drafting a temple to Hestia when the weight of being the only person in the world that knows Percy's weak spot hits her.

Like. Really hits her.

And after about a day and a half freaking out about what it means and what she should do about it, she decides to go talk to him.

(Because not talking to him about what was bothering her led to the worst year of her life. Progress.)

They’re sitting on the beach, sharing Percy’s too small blanket- they both know he has bigger ones, but it’s an excuse to be almost on top of each other. She’s curled up resting on his chest, and he has one hand secured on her waist tracing patterns on her thigh, the other tangled in her curls. They watch the sunset and Annabeth is almost perfectly content.

Almost.

“How did you know?” The words tumble out of her without context.

He shifts to face her and raises an eyebrow. Annabeth finds it unfairly attractive.

“Know what?”

“When you told me your weak spot. How’d you know I could handle it?” The unspoken ‘because I don’t think I can handle it ’ must be apparent enough because Percy’s expression softens.

“Have you been worrying about this?”

Annabeth’s first impulse is to brush it off and change the subject. But then she hears Silena’s voice in her head: tell him how you feel. So she ducks her chin and forces the words out.

“Well yeah, I mean it kinda freaks me out that I just have this power over you. I don’t trust myself.”

Percy tilts her chin with featherlight fingers and an unadulterated fondness her seven year old self would kill to be on the receiving end of.

“I trust you enough for the both of us,” he said.

“How are you so sure about this?” ‘How are you so sure about me?’

He gives her a ‘duh’ look that she’s so used to giving him, it's a bit shocking to be on the opposite end of it. She decides immediately she doesn’t like it.

“You know why.”

“No, I don’t, hence me asking you why.”

She's watched Percy's face morph to pure amusement. He chuckles, and hesitates. “Well, because...”

He trails off clearly thinking about how to word his answer. As he thinks it over she allows herself to look at him properly.

He’s beautiful. Sharp jawline, defined cheekbones, devastatingly symmetrical features. His eyes are deep and content, looking out at the sea as if it has the answer he’s looking for. He can’t seem to find what he wants amongst the waves, but his eyes meet hers and the words seem to come to him.

“It’s you, Annabeth.”

He says it like it answers not only her question but thousands of others. It does neither.

“What’s me, Annabeth?” She attempts at light-hearted sarcasm despite her impatience.

He looks at her with a glint of mischief in his eyes and she knows that look. She hates that look. That look means she’s not getting an answer anytime soon.  

“Oh my gods, you really don't know?”

She glares daggers.

He smiles winningly. “Oh, this is going to be fun.” She bites at his shoulder in retaliation.

“You’re the smartest person I know-” Percy starts.

“True, but flattery will get you nowhere-” Annabeth cut him off.

“So figure-’ He presses a kiss to her temple.

“It-’ A kiss to her left cheek.

“Out.”

She opens her mouth to argue, but he kisses her before she can get out the words. And His knuckles are gentle under her chin, and he smells like ocean breeze, and his lips are chapped yet achingly soft, and he tastes like home. Annabeth resigns herself to find out what he means later, and allows herself to get lost in him and saltwater and home.

...

She digs up every legend about the curse of Achilles she can find. She scours Daedales’s laptop until it runs out of battery. She didn’t even know that was possible.

She researches.

And researches.

And nothing.

She has no idea what he means. Annabeth famously hates not knowing.

And. Percy. Won’t. Budge.

She has tried every trick in the book. She tried baking blue cookies (she burned them), refusing to kiss him till he tells (she caves), and asking Grover to get it out of him (something about the bro-code).

Everytime she asks him he just looks at her with his dopey, baby-seal love eyes and says those same two words.

“It’s you.”

She hates him.

...

It’s three more days before she figures it out.

Nico is looking at her skeptically. His all black get-up makes it so he almost blends in with shadows of the Big House’s basement.

“You need my help?” He deadpans, leaning against the wall looking almost bored.

“Sort-of,” Annabeth shifts on her feet,  “So, I know you were the one who took Percy to the River Styx, right?”

“Yeah?”

“Well he’s explained to me bits and pieces about how the curse works, and told me where his… you know… spot is.”

“Ok.”

“So my question is-” Annabeth stopped short. “Wait doesn’t that surprise you at all?”

He shrugs noncommittally, “Not really, no. You were saying?”

Annabeth clears her throat and soldiers on.

“Uh yeah. Right, well it sorta freaked me out how readily he told me about it and I asked how he knew I could handle it and he just said ‘it’s me’. And he refuses to elaborate, and it’s kind of killing me so, do you know what that means? And if you do, could you please explain?”

She’s been staring at her shoes while she rambles on and when she looks up she sees…

Is that humor in his eyes?  

“So, I'm guessing you've done your research on the curse?” She nods. “So you know that when Achilles mother dipped him in the Styx, she held him up by his ankle, which then became his mortal point.”

“Like a sort of anchor.”

“Exactly. Now what the legends don’t mention is that the mortal point wasn’t just the ankle. When his mother pulled him out she became part of his mortal point. Still with me?”

“Not really.”

“Perfect. Going in on your own is no different. You still need someone to help you out of the river, just not physically. You need to picture someone pulling you out, someone to motivate you, someone to bring you back to earth.”

He looks up at her, silently asking permission to continue. Annabeth nods with urgence.  

“It's not just someone who can keep you mortal, but the one person that makes you want to stay mortal. That person and your weak spot become intertwined.” He looks up at her and must still see traces of confusion.

“Your mortal point isn’t just the point of your body that’s unaffected by the River Styx, It’s the person in your life that you saw that gave you the strength to survive the Styx at all.”

Oh.

Oh.

“So when he says ‘it’s...He literally means…” She trails off and looks up at Nico. His smirk is patronizing, but she can’t bring herself to care.

“It’s you.”

…

She vaguely recalls thanking Nico for his help, but how she ended up in her bunk staring at the wall is a mystery. Annabeth has never truly understood the word dumbfounded until now.

...

It’s her.

...

By the time she comes to, it's dark out. Annabeth is already grabbing her invisibility cap and pulling on her shoes. She should probably change out of her pajamas, but her urgency to get to Percy outweighs the little vanity she has left in her. Percy has seen her in far worse conditions than messy hair and sleep wear.

Normally she would climb in through his window, but tonight is strictly business. Percy is still up waiting for her like he has been every night since the war ended. His face brightens when his eyes land on her face then immediately scrunch in concern when he sees what must be a manic look in her eye.

“You ok?”

“It’s me.” A whisper- she says it like she can't fully comprehend the words.

“It’s me?” A question- not necessarily for him just unsure.

“It’s me!” An accusation- this time it’s directed at Percy, who smiles with unnecessary pride.

He tugs at her hand and pulls her to sit on the bunk.“You figured it out.”

She’s briefly tempted to explain the whole visit with Nico, but she has other things on her mind.

“That’s how I knew on the bridge. That feeling that you were in danger, even though you hadn’t told me where the spot was, I knew.”

He shrugs, “It would make sense, but to be honest, I actually have no idea.”

She entwines their fingers and he lifts her hand up to press kisses to her knuckles.

“You saved me.” Percy says it soft and reverent, like a prayer.

“On the bridge?”

“No. Well yeah you saved me on the bridge, but I’m talking about the Styx. It was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I was burning alive. It was like I was back at Mt. St. Helen’s all over again.”

She feels a swift wave of guilt that she quickly pushes down so she can pay attention to the rest of his words.

“Except instead of the lava being thrown at me, I was dunked in it. And it was ten times hotter. I was drowning.” He laughs mirthlessly, and she squeezes his hand. “I was in so much pain I couldn't remember who I was.”

She knocks her forehead against his, partly to bring him back to reality, partly to remind herself that he did in fact survive to tell her this story.

He looks up at her, green eyes wide with a wonder and reverence she doesn’t believe she deserves.

“Then I heard you. Your voice. I heard your voice and I saw your face and you held out your hand. You didn’t just pull me back. You put me back together. The thought of you put me back together. I took your hand and I survived because of you. You saved me Annabeth.”

Annabeth is stunned into silence.

She has no doubt in her mind that if it were her in the Styx, she would've seen Percy and he would’ve saved her in the same way she saved him. But, it's different hearing it from him. It’s a rare feeling to know that this full-bodied, utter devotion (the kind she feels for him), is mutual. To hear it spoken out loud is almost unheard of.

She doesn’t have the words to articulate the supernova of emotions exploding her chest, so she kisses him. She kisses him with everything she has. Percy kisses her back with the same intensity. Percy’s kisses are safety and contentment and light. He’s so good with words (better with them than she is), and she thinks it translated into the way he kissed. He kisses her like he’s trying to say something--typically some shy declaration of the love that they both know is between them but tiptoe around speaking into existence.

He kisses with his whole body. He clutches at her waist like he couldn’t bear to let go, and she arches her back because she doesn't think she could bear it either. He occupies all five of her senses, the only thing she knows is him. Her hands are buried in his hair. He’s the sun, and kissing him is sunshine personified.

When she finally pulls back, he removes one of the hands gripping at her waist to slip into the junction between her collarbone and her jaw to keep their foreheads together. He keeps pulling her in his orbit, freckles like constellations, breaths mingled like they could survive on kisses and shared oxygen alone.

She thinks she’d like that.

Percy ends up curled on top of her, his head resting in the crook of her neck. One of her hands in his hair, the other on the small of his back like she can protect him with force of will alone.  They fall asleep the way they survive- anchored to each other.

...

[terriblygrimm]

ok time to cry!!!

this absolutely iconic✨gay line. like i GOTTA take a second to reiterate a couple things about this ep bc it’s giving me a heart attack. nothing i’m writing is revelatory by any means but i just gotta WRITE IT DOWN BC ITS SO GAY. YES I WOKE UP AT 6:45A AND WROTE THIS WHAT OF IT

so spock first becomes infected when christine takes his hand and confesses her love for him. spock’s obv struggling for a number of reasons but the confession/infection bubbles his own realization to the surface... and ultimately he has to dismiss himself. he refuses her advances, apologizing (he gay and can’t return the affection). but! this love confession is what causes the next series of events to unfold fkejdhviwjqnbsdnd

fast forward to kirk finding spock sobbing— the lowered inhibitions of the infection are making him upset about only a few vocalized things and the string of consciousness/intensity is clearly downright intentional. and kirk’s reactions to them are just as telling.

1. his mother. “i could never tell her i loved her” like ok that’s heartbreaking but kirk keeps talking about the mission. (keep in mind all of this is symbolically happening while the “enterprise” is destabilizing and falling into an erratic gravity well).

then “an earth woman, living on a planet where love- emotion.. is in bad taste.” spock can’t stand the thought of an earth human suffering at the hands of a vulcan’s nonvocalized love.. hm

hohohhohoho jim’s clearly pained now, trying to focus, grabbing spock and making him stand up.

2. “i respected my father, our customs. i was ashamed of my earth-“ to which jim now slaps him, starting to get overwhelmed himself.

and then

3. jim. spock’s not only feeling due to the infection but it seems like he’s also realizing. probably having never given any ~notable amount of credence to his emotions before, when he says ashamed it seems like it finally clicked. his brows furrow and he’s exasperated. “jim..” he’s finally putting a word to the emotion he’s felt regarding the man in front of him and he’s surprised by it. “when i feel friendship for you- i’m ashamed.”

now we all know this is obv extremely gay coded. the shame of feeling love, the hushhush, guilt-ridden culture of vulcan, etc

jim snaps bc of this and slaps him twice but spock meets his hand with a firm clasp. (we all know this to be the equivalent of a vulcan kiss). the culmination of a heated confession.

the tension simmers down a little bit after that moment but spock continues, softly “i’ve spent a whole life time trying to hide my feelings.” like hello more gay-coded but jim slaps him again and spock smacks him across the room in response (lmao)

THEN jim gets up and continues on about the mission, yelling at uhura over the comms about how he found spock and is talking to him — and then he realizes suddenly that he’s got it. the disease. after mentioning spock.

and what’s the first thing he talks about? love.

so c’mon now.. but also if you take a step back this series of events is very consistent with their personalities? spock’s getting all hot and bothered, overwhelmed with his emotions but is seemingly relieved by a kiss and the expression he’s been trying so hard to resist, whereas the kiss PROMPTS jim’s bleeding heart, rips him opens and causes his breakdown.

“love... you’re better off without it and i’m better off without mine.” ok so not only, what? that being jim’s FIRST thought with lowered inhibitions in a heated conversation with spock after a kiss? but also it’s not long before jim goes off “this vessel.. i give, she takes. she won’t permit me my life. i’ve got to live hers.”

this is spocks face. so concerned. coming-to at the acknowledgement of jim’s pain. trying to focus.

“have you noticed her, mr. spock? you’re allowed to notice her. the captain’s not permitted-“

there’s a little bit of knowing in spock’s next expression & he pleads a little with “jim.. there is an intermixed formula.” spock’s fighting hard to gain control while jim loses it, attempting to bring him back all the while gaining clarity.

jim is voicing his lonliness and desire for companionship, relief, flesh to hold, a beach to walk on..

and then scotty walks in before the two of them can talk further. kirk immediately asks scotty for help and spock pipes up, telling him to stand by and get ready to intermix. the hull (jim!) is at a dangerous temperature.

and after the successful completion of the attempt the first thing spock does is come onto the bridge and ask jim if he’s alright!!!!! because he didnt have the time to ask him before!!!! he mf follows up with him!!!!!!!! 😭😭 to which jim doesnt even think about himself (or want to acknowledge that he’s not alright bc there wasn’t time for relief or closure to their last convo) and instead asks SPOCK if he’s alright 😭 and spock gives the softest, cutest lil nod!!!!

AND THE EPISODE ENDS WITH THE SHIP BEING BROUGHT BACK TO THREE DAYS PRIOR and spocks all “we have ..... three days to live over again.” & kirk scoffs, not taking his eyes off spock and says “not those last three days” bc what a mf ride it was for the both of them.

it’s interesting bc it leaves the ending pretty open to interpretation (as always! which is a great thing abou tos) kirk’s dismissing reliving 3 days bc .. he’s not ready to rehash/experience that pain with spock again? to have to face that vulnerable confession with perhaps a different outcome? or rather, he’s not willing to relive it bc he wouldn’t change a thing? he’s pleased that all of that bubbled to the surface?

tldr; all of this is to basically say that the end of this ep was undoubtedly a love confession/culmination of the tension between kirk and spock that was started by christine’s confession of love. spock doesn’t love her but it breaks him down and makes him think of those he does love- his mom and jim. they vulcan kiss and it then spreads to jim who immediately starts to talk about love when he tells uhura he’s found spock. jim is simultaneously expressed through the enterprise with the ship boiling up and spiraling out of control, (only to be relieved by spock’s idea of an intermixed formula. one that’s a theoretical relationship and has never been tested... ahem ok 1960s)- and also uses the ship as a figurative desire for love in something he isn’t permitted to have as a captain (i.e. his first officer)

[aros001]

Read through light novel vol. 7. Random thoughts.

I swear Goblin Slayer looks like he's blushing through his armor on that cover. I don't blame him, given it's Cow Girl, but that's what it looks like.

I always get a laugh out of Goblin Slayer's completely unwillingness or inability to remember any type of monster outside of goblins. I think he only knows what vampires and dragon are because they're the most popular monster adventurers want to beat and thus the ones he'd hear about the most. He repeatedly can't remember what an ogre is despite dropping an ocean on one, nor the dark elf or troll, and I think last volume he needed a long minute to remember what giant rats are. No surprise he can't remember what the Loch Ness Monster's name was in this book, or what an elephant is. Mokele Mubenbe. It's hard for me to even pronounce that.

Lizard Priest was in the process of bringing each of the nuns upstairs into the chapel from the basement storehouse. “Stay strong, now. When dawn breaks, we can take you somewhere less upsetting.” “Thank you... Truly...” “Think nothing of it. We may revere different deities, but monkeys came from lizards, in the end. That makes us cousins.” “Heh-heh... You lizardmen...say the strangest...things...”

I don't say this often enough but Lizard Priest is just kind of the best, you know? He's like a big, scaly, green teddy bear. He's a very comforting presence and such an easy person for everyone, including those of different faiths like Priestess and the elves, to be friends with.

At first I was disappointed Priestess didn't get a cure poison miracle, given how often goblins come at the party using poisoned weapons, but her Purify miracle has certainly proved its usefulness, both for cleaning water and air as well as helping psychologically by cleaning up the victims of the goblins. Doesn't restore their stolen virginity but at least leaves less marks and filth for them to be constantly reminded what the goblins did to them. Plus, Goblin Slayer is no stranger to using smoke or poison gas, so Purify is probably good to have on hand to keep such methods from harming the party themselves.

In the middle of this flood of stories, Goblin Slayer said, “So this is your home.” “That’s right.” “That’s good.” “Well—” High Elf Archer’s eyes narrowed like a smiling cat’s. “It’s where my heart is.” Goblin Slayer nodded. Cow Girl blinked at him for a moment. Then he said, “And there are goblins near it.” The note of anger in his voice was unmistakable.

I love all the members of the party, so naturally I'm enjoying all the bonding moments between Goblin Slayer and High Elf Archer in this book, as well as the parallels he keeps drawing between them, especially in regards to their sisters. Their interactions are fun because their personalities contrast so much but in a different way than his and Priestess' or her and Dwarf Shaman's.

Then she went on, “Actually, even a lot of elvish adventurers act like that, especially if they’ve just left the forest.” It’s not that they have no sense of danger, just a poor grasp of scale.

That last bit is a good way of describing a lot of this series. There are people ignorant of how truly dangerous the goblins can be but outside of porcelain ranks it's usually not deliberately so. They just live in a world of other insanely large threats that don't like being ignored, with the elves in particular having members of their species whom lived through the old battles of the gods. Goblins are basically pests and goblin slaying pest control. They're a problem but barely a blip on the radar when you're comparing them to freaking Sauron, whom it feels like you just recently finally got rid of.

There is something absolutely hilarious to me that this man in dirty leather and steel armor, coated in faded red stains, who refuses to ever take his helmet off, barely talks, frequently walks in a manner that's described as violent, and who's sole obsession it is to wipe out every last goblin in existence, is known as The Kindest Man on the Frontier. But I still love it because it makes sense. Most villages on the frontier can't get help with their goblin problems because there's not a lot of fame or money in killing goblins and bigger threats are given more the priority, so they're just left on their own. But then Goblin Slayer comes in, doing the job without any thought to reward or praise. He's saved god knows how many kidnapped women prevented the destruction of countless villages. From the outside, yeah, it looks like just simple kindness. Get to know him a little better and you see that it's obsession. And when you get as close as Priestess and Cow Girl, you agree that it's kindness.

It's so cool that the elf adventurer the party saved on their first quest together made a reappearance, even if it's a small one. Like with Wizard's little brother wanting to avenge her, it's good to show that the people brutalized by the goblins aren't just props to show how serious the situation is. They're real (albeit fictional) people, who had their own lives and people who loved them, so having them still matter later in the story and them trying to get at least some closure is good writing.

I was talking with someone before in my vol. 6 post that something I really like about Goblin Slayer's character is his immaturity. Not that he's whiny and bratty like a kid but rather his trauma stunted him in a few ways. He likely had nothing to do with his village being attacked by goblins but to this day he blames himself for what happened to his sister, from him hiding and doing nothing to save her to in this volume believing she would have long moved on from their village if she didn't have to take care of him. Taking on all that blame and guilt, it's such a childish way of thinking and his trauma (and Burgler's training) meant he never was able to grow out of it. I can just see that little boy under the floorboards, thinking everything that's happening around him is some divine punishment from the gods for something bad he did, like not listening to his sister or getting mad at Cow Girl or literally anything else a kid would normally do.

This world has freaking elevators?! What?! When they first mentioned it I thought it was going to be something involving water or magic or gears, but no! Control panels, keypad, entering a code. It even goes bong when it arrives at its destination. I mean, they say it's not clear whether it operates magically or mechanically but this still feels like a big jump in this world's technology level, considering the most high tech thing I remember prior was ice cream making, and that was a chemical process. I just love the image of Goblin Slayer's party patiently waiting in the elevator as it's going up and soft muzak is playing.

By the time he noticed the change, it was too late. The goblin shaman’s blood had been turned to pure water.

WHOA! Priestess! What the f**k?! Was this her version of strangling the goblin champion with a bundle of hair?! That was awesome!

Also not good for her, given her beliefs. It's a good little conflict for her character and sets up some worry about what'll happen if she does something like this again. The Earth Mother spoke directly to her to warn this was a one-time deal. Would Priestess lose the ability to use Miracles or would the goddess outright smite her for such gross abuse of the powers she gave her? There's also the added conflict that Goblin Slayer praised her for what she did. He's not as important as the Earth Mother but he's still someone Priestess respects and is attached to more than anyone else, so she's going to be conflicted if his life is on the line again.

I've never played DOOM. Still love the reference with Hero.

...Is that why there was an elevator? Is this world some odd combination of DnD, Lord of the Rings, and DOOM?

Even though they showed his image, with everyone else all dressed up for the wedding I'm enjoying imagining Goblin Slayer in his normal armor, just with the addition of a bow tie.

Damn that bouquet tease. Who caught it?! Priestess?! Cow Girl?! Sword Maiden leaping in through the window?!

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GoblinSlayer/comments/fzwykz/read_through_light_novel_vol_7_random_thoughts/

[crqstalite]

Letters Home.

I made a mistake because this was originally meant to answer a prompt fill and then I forgot about it until now. So I tweaked it, but it still works I think.

I would rather not think about the fact the current majority of writing I've done for Lali and Joker is very angsty. That'll change, eventually, but it was begging to be written so here we are. It's a little shaky since I've written Joker himself maybe a grand total of three times but I'm happy enough with it.

Post-Thessia, minor (major?) character death mentioned. Lali/Joker.

"There's a new Blasto movie coming out, it doesn't look a lot better than the last one, but it'd be great to see with you when you're home again."

Her green eyes are still bright, her grin wide while she falls back on the collection of pillows decorating her bed. Her concerns then must've extended about as far as what was for dinner that evening, or tomorrow's assignment. Blasto wasn't one of her favorites, he knew that every time they'd watched one together, but she'd sat through every single one because it made him happy. Not that she didn't complain the entire time though.

It'd been a while since he'd been fifteen himself, but those concerns shouldn't have included Reapers in them.

"You must know about all the inaccuracies in the movies, huh? With the Council and stuff this has to be hilarious to you."

Joker isn't sure what feeling to name the one that's threatening to consume him while Hilary continues talking, rattling off that week's events. Teachers, classmates, her chores around the house.

The vidmail just seemed so normal. Everything had seemed perfectly fine when he'd checked in on them after they'd left Earth. Maybe that was an overstatement, nothing would've been fine but it was still manageable then. His father and his younger sister had intended to bunker down for as long as they had to, as long as they could while he'd promised them to try and get them off Tiptree. Nothing had seemed off. Nothing had seemed wrong. He thought they'd have time.

Six months later and he'd proved himself wrong. Time was in shorter and shorter supply. By the time he could turn his attention fully back to finding them nearly a week ago to do anything more about their situation, it'd been too late. He'd heard it over the extranet, part the long list of colony worlds flashing red every other hour. His blood had run cold while he'd hoped, prayed he wouldn't find his homeworld among the lost.

The galaxy felt like it stopped spinning when he did. In big, bright red letters, it'd said Tiptree, and he...it'd all felt like a bad dream then. That he'd look back and see it was some other colony out in the Traverse. Not his. It couldn't. It shouldn't have. It was so far outside of normal trade routes that it didn't make sense for the Reapers to seize it.

Yet they'd done so anyway. The last communications had gone out the day prior, and had stretched into silence since then. Where he'd be expecting a call today, instead his missed messages have remained dark. His 'tool won't connect to his father's, or Hilary's.

He almost misses when the door behind him opens, his hand missing the pause button on the video while he scrambles for it. He doesn't get a great glance over his shoulder, but it's enough for him to try and get his emotions back in check long enough to hold a conversation, "Shepard? Look, I'm sorry for what I said earlier."

"You've got the wrong Shepard, actually. I think." If the voice isn't enough to convince him, then the absence of anger in it does when he turns his chair to look at her. Smaller, softer, more concerned when Citlali pauses in the doorway compared to her elder sister. His girlfriend a sight for sore eyes, at least compared to her counterpart, "Sorry for scaring you, if I did.

"You didn't. Just, thought she was making the rounds again. And holding a grudge against your commander doesn't really bode well for you, as I've found." He can't find the energy to add a genuine laugh with the quip, and while Citlali smiles, it's one of the ones that's strained, "What? I feel like Alenko's walking proof of that."

"I guess, depending on how you look at it." She furrows her brow, maybe in thought, maybe in disbelief. He still can't read her very well, though it's not as if she makes it easy. Shaking off the expression, "Do you mind if I come in? You seemed...busy."

While Hilary's vid has gone quiet, he doesn't meet her eyes. The distraction might be better than nothing, even though he'd rather spend his time alone, most likely watching the last handful of mails from the month prior, "If you want to, sure. Did you need anything?"

"No. It's just...quiet around here. Thessia's on everyone's mind and it honestly feels too constricting." The door closes behind her, "If you're worried, Kodelyn's with Liara right now. I don't think she's going to come back up here for a while."

"Oh good. That'll probably give her time to cool off." Refocus her frustration with Thessia back towards comforting, always seemed like it fixed something in her. He might've been out of line, but he hadn't been expecting for her to explode at him like that. It seemed too out of character, and he hadn't been able to accurately predict it. The longer she spent doing anything else was probably extending his lifespan. Shepard wasn't predictable, but she rarely played the stereotype of the short-fuse Commander.

"Cool off?" Citlali quirks an eyebrow, "Was she mad at...you?"

"Surprising, I know."

"Weird. What'd you do?"

"Nothing." He says habitually, then sighs, "I don't know. Rough day for obvious reasons, she wasn't doing so well and I probably didn't make it any better."

"Oh." Citlali cringes, "She wasn't too upset with you, was she?"

"Probably not with me specifically. I just ended up as collateral damage."

"Collateral -- Never mind. She'll probably apologize when she's feeling more like herself. If she ever does." Her tone wavers at that, uncertainty on the other end of it, "Are you okay, though?"

His silence answers it for her. What does he say to that? Fine, only that I found out my home might be ashes and the only family I have left might be gone?

Well, he probably could.

"Sure. Fine."

Her smile's shaky, "Are you really fine, or are you just trying to get rid of me?"

"Never, I love spending time with you. You know that."

"Uh-huh. I'll suspend my disbelief, but only because you're sweet," She frowns at that, padding over to sit in the empty co-pilot's chair, turning it to face him, "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. You don't have to lie to me though."

"I'm not. Just dealing with...everything. All of us have our off days." The screen blinks when he turns back to it, Hilary's expression still frozen in one of amusement. His chest grows heavy again, this one was dated a day before the Reapers came through. This vidmail, the one like so many others that'd come before it, was one of the last ones he'd ever have of her.

And when he received it, he hadn't thought anything of it. He wouldn't go as far as to say he'd taken the ritual for granted, but he'd thought he'd receive another one. And another after that. He was careful to watch every one, and send back another as soon as he was able. His had gone unread.

"Fair enough." Citlali leans back, blissfully oblivious, "Long day. Maybe way too many things happened all at once."

"You could probably say that again."

"I'll refrain from repeating myself." She chuckles, "Can't wait to get back to the Citadel. The rest this crew needs is probably ticking up towards absurd."

"That bad in your professional opinion?" He asks, "I'd thought we were doing just peachy. Y'know, with the Council trying to absolve themselves of guilt and the galaxy crumbling around us."

"Thank God for night clubs." She responds, leaning back, "It just feels tenser than ever. Can't shake the feeling we're getting towards the end of whatever this is, and it's making everyone jumpy."

"Probably, yeah. Hopefully it'll be longer than a day or two when Shepard's done with Horizon. It'd be nice not running from Reaper forces day in and day out."

"Too exciting for you?"

"Everyone has their limits. just seems like there are more of them than ever lately, and they all want a piece of us." That much is true. The other half is that he wants a chance to search. Search the Citadel, search the surrounding systems. Maybe Hilary would be with the refugees, and he just hadn't found her yet. Maybe she'd lost her 'tool. They'd never been great at remembering each other's codes.

One hell of a time to forget, if she was out there, all alone and surrounded by the unknown.

Citlali turns her gaze towards the front window, then to one of the screens in front of him from what she can see, "Thessia-related matters aside, if you're willing to share, who's that?"

He hesitates, trying to find an answer while his throat tightens around his words. All he can do is send a picture of Hilary over to her screen. She halfway smiles when she receives it, one of her out in the yard during his last leave. Yellow sundress, celebrating the first day of summer, "Friend? Family? She looks just like you. Same grin and everything."

"Family. Younger sister, actually."

"Aw. Looks just like you." Citlali smiles, "What's she like?"

"Like any little sister, I guess." What was there to say? Why is he looking for adjectives to encapsulate the sister he loved, and why is it so difficult, "Smart, kind, practical joker sometimes. Occasionally gets on your nerves, but you love her too much to stay mad."

"As all siblings do. Feel like she'd be fun to have around. Guess you missed out on the curly hair gene, huh?"

"Had it when I was younger."

"Is she looking to follow in your footsteps? A pilot just like her brother?"

The lump in his throat almost doesn't let him answer her, and he plays with the bill of his hat, "Maybe. I don't think she ever really said anything about it."

"Big shoes to fill, I get it." The smile fades slightly when he doesn't follow up on it, "Where is she now?"

His voice is raspy when he tries to talk again, "I don't...really know. I don't know if she even still is."

Her face falls, furrowing her brows once she realizes, "I- Jeff..."

"Evac orders were sent out to Tiptree a couple of days ago. No news since, only that a handful made it...somewhere. Liara didn't say where." The orange lights in front of him start to swim in the water collecting in the corners of his eyes, "I don't even know if she made it offworld."

There's a flood threatening to burst behind his eyes, delicately held back for the last few days just by sheer will. Just the thought of the planet being turned into Earth, Palaven, Tuchanka...hell even what he saw of Thessia turns his stomach.

They didn't live that close to any major city, but they still would've been at risk if they sent any husks out that way. Any of the other grotesque monsters they'd seen lately.

Had she been looking for him? When it'd all happened, had he missed her call while they were in FTL? Just by a split second.

The thought of one them getting their hands on her, one of the sweetest girls in the galaxy who'd done nothing but act as a ray of sunshine in his life, it kills him to think about.

His hands are wet, he doesn't even realize until he hears Citlali's boots against the ground behind him. Her eyes are searching his face when she kneels down next to his chair, holding out her arms halfway in a silent question.

He accepts a moment later, wrapping his arms around her. She hugs him back, a quiet whisper on her lips when she returns the gesture, "I'm so sorry."

The dam breaks.

Big jade eyes that match his, a grin she lamented about every other day. The figurine he'd brought back for her, the Normandy, on her nightstand just in view.

What he'd give to see her again. Hear her voice again.

The galaxy crumbles away, tears streaming down his face.

"I love you, Jeff. I miss you."

[fureliselost]

VLD REWATCH S08E1-3

OK LET'S GOOOO

- oh i just remember what the first ep is

- ohhh the old voltron thing

- oh gods the luka thing

- yesss, hunk gets's banna cake

- sad lance

- hunk talking aboput the old voltron is gold

- hunk what, lance is right, this really isn't the right time, not long ago, allura's boyfriend betrayed her and the entire and she head to fight him and leave him to die. not to mention, you just said y'all are going to space to fight again the next day

- ok, if her friend has to convince her to go on a date with you? that's just.... não boto fé (brazillian saying, means it's not that reliable)

- Romelle calls Lance "pointy chin" lol

- I LOVE COLEEN HOLT

- PIDGE GAVE INTO CAPITALISM

- Coran is about ready to torture lance

- with all these references to the old voltron show, they lost the chance to put lance in the blazer/turtleneck and i'm mad

- ALLURA LIFTING PIDGE UP YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSDS

- Luca is... evangelion

- keith in black isssssss yes

- kl shots

- lance: papa | the subtitles: pop-pop

- ok, this is some very good sibling energy and very good dynamics

- the kiddy table is........ accurate

- VERONICA, YOU'RE A GROWN ASS ADULT AND KEITH IS SUPPOSED TO BE LANCE'S AGE

- Veonica making a comment about keith was absolutely unnecessary. I mean, when they got to voltron, lance was about 17 and keith 18 and, in the photo in lance's mindscape, Veronica was already a graduated garrison person (i mean, she had the gray suit and everything). And, considering it was rachel that got put on the kiddy table, veronica had to be at least 4 years older than lance, so she had to be about 21. at this point, lance is about 18 and keith is 20/21 due to his whale time. However, they skipped 3 years (according to the voltron wiki) after they exited the quintessence field, which means that, adding to the about 1 year in space, veronica is at least 25, if the difference between her and lance is 4 years (i'm betting on more). And, while 20-25 isn't a crazy age difference, it's still, like, what? Like, i'd never date someone who's supposed to be my siblings age because it'd be just... awkward. Not to mention the fact that Keith is, technically, Lance's colleague and friend.

- ok, this tree thing seemed sweet when i first watched but now it just seems like it's motivated by guilt

- ok, her talking to lance is kinda cute, the "i was the one who needed you"

- that came out of nowhere tf

- he looks sad wtf this was supposed to be romantic

- the color coded suits used to be very cute, now they just look corny, oh dang

- they show the memorial thing and i think "oh this is sweet, they're gonna show adam because shiro's speech said 'many have been lost but their sacrifice will not be in vain'" and they show fucking SANDA? wtf? she fucking betrayed earth and almost doomed them, wtf

ep 2

- acxaaaaaa

- ugh, honerva

- how does that fucking cat survive in open space?

- haggaer tf

- poor little lotorrrrrrrr poor child

- omg little lotor got kovaaaaaaaa

- honerva is gaslight girlboss gatekeep

- they made a evangelion

- lotor deserved better

ep 3

- matt is butt

- lahn needs to treat hunk better and that's the tea

- it's cool that they are mentioning the omega shield and lance's death? they don't mention hide nor hair

- where even is lance in this scene wtf?

- wow, lahn had to go and mention keith's mom

- Lance is, like, far away tf

- kosmo is very good and very cute

- tf is the shadow monster

- tf tf tf

- wait, is this the weapon thing keith and krolia let loose?

]- its iis the weapon

- KEITH'S BAYARD CHANGED INTO A GUN TF WHY DO I NOT REMEMBER THIS

- So lance and keith both had their bayards change into something that was the other's signature.... ok

- ok, their evangelion go bonkers

[realityhelixcreates]

Dance of the Spheres Chapter Six: Meteoric Mambo

Chapters: 6/?

Fandom:  Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: PG 13

Warnings: kidnapping, forced marriage, death mention, mild body horror

Characters: Loki(Marvel), Heimdall(Marvel)

Additional Tags:  Loki Goes Overboard, But When Doesn’t Loki go Overboard, Mature Reader, Disabled Reader, Political Intrigue

Summary:  

Gave my love to a shooting star But she moves so fast that I can't keep up, I'm chasing I'm in love with a shooting star But she moves so fast, when she falls then I'll be waiting                                              Shooting Star-Bag Raiders

Loki leapt for the door, bellowing for somebody to fetch someone named Eir. Then he was at your side, lifting you effortlessly in his arms and carrying you through your beautiful rooms, to lay you down on your warm, comfortable bed, where you writhed uncontrollably in terrible pain.

Loki unbelted your dress, and drew the blanket up to your chest, then seated himself next to you, holding your hand, stroking your face, and murmuring things you could barely understand through the pain. Eventually a graceful, middle-aged woman appeared with several handheld devices, and a sound scolding for Loki for being so irresponsible with the Apple.

You couldn't even take pleasure in the dressing-down he was receiving, as the woman attached one of the devices to your arm, and set the other one above your bed. A projection of your body appeared above you, hovering in midair. It showed all kinds of information that you didn't understand, like the graphics in a science fiction film.

“It's started in her spine.” Eir said. “That's why the pain is so severe to begin with. It's effecting her nerves first.”

“What does that mean?” you cried, your voice twisted into squeals of agony. “What is it doing to me?”

Eir began to launch into another scolding, but Loki drowned her out with speedy explanations.

“The Apples of Immortality contain enzymes that act as catalizers on the genetic codes of certain species. So far, we know for certain that they effect Vanir, Asgardians, Jotun, and Humans. They effect us in slightly different ways, but in humans, the change is most drastic.

The Apples give humans greater strength and durability, energy efficiency, speedier healing of wounds and resistance to disease, and a greatly extended lifespan. However, it does this by stimulating the cells of your body to divide en masse, and changing the DNA as it is replicating, resulting in one cell that it original, and one cell that is enhanced. The enhanced cell then devours the original cell, eventually eradicating all traces of original DNA in the body, and leaving a fully enhanced individual behind.”

“My body is making a new me, and cannibalizing the old me at the same time?” you shrieked.

“That's a remarkably lurid way of putting it, but yes, it's accurate. Don't worry, you will still be you at the end of it. Only stronger, and with greater longevity.”

He was so desperately trying to reassure you of the good that would come of this, but all you could do was scream curses at him for the pain, and the lack of permission, and the recklessness. You didn't care if you destroyed the illusion of complacency you had planned to weave-the agony stripped you of any guile you'd thought to employ. But he stayed by your side anyway, gently kissing your hand and wiping your face with a dry cloth as you writhed and screamed.

It didn't matter that you couldn't tell the time; time was meaningless. There was only moment after moment of suffering, an endless, enduring, torturous present. Each minute brought fresh distress, and greater disorientation, as your senses altered under the effects of the Apple, and the agony spread throughout your body as if carried in your blood.

Perhaps it was the trauma of pain effecting your compromised mind, but you were sure that your sense of touch had been so enhanced that your could feel your body devouring and replacing its most sensitive and delicate parts. Your eyes, your tongue, your throat and lungs-you were certain that you felt them rapidly dying and changing. You saw sparks as you writhed helplessly, the colors so bright that you had to squeeze your eyes shut.

And still he babbled on, and still Eir monitored the illusion body, and still you suffered without end. You expected to fall unconscious into exhaustion, begged for it to come, but remained trapped firmly in the grip of the eternal Now.

It reached into your heart, slowed it so much you could hardly move or breathe, It reached into your brain, dampened everything, sound, sight, and finally, even the pain. As your brain ate and replaced itself, your screams faded, and you found yourself unable to feel, think, or do anything. It was a form of death, and you welcomed it with gratitude, though remained conscious throughout.

You vaguely registered that Loki was panicking, believing the Apple might have somehow killed you, blathering about love and apologies, snapping at Eir, who coldly shut him down.

He was insane, this whole ordeal really proved it. Mad royals weren't uncommon, mad, immortal, super-powered rulers were a much rarer problem, but a problem you now had.

Maybe not for long. Maybe you really were dying. Maybe your brain didn't replace itself fast enough. Maybe other parts of your body were failing. Maybe you would be free of this nightmare soon.

But the replacement must have gone well, because pain began to fade back in, from the parts of you that weren't finished with their self-cannibalization. Loki threw his arms around you when he noticed you beginning to writhe and gasp again, holding you firmly, yet tenderly. Some small and guilty part of you took comfort in it, even as you hissed hatred into his ear.

Time did pass, even if you couldn't perceive it, and you only had so much body to devour and rebuild. The pain finally dissipated, but ache and shock remained. If what Loki said was true, if it wasn't just a lie that Eir was going along with, then you had been changed; irrevocably changed without him even asking or letting you know what was happening until it was already happening. No choice, no consent. And he dared babble about love.

The shock dampened the resentment, and the exhaustion kept you from struggling; Loki kept holding you like it was okay, like he hadn't just subjected you to a trauma nearly equal to the one you had already endured. You could feel your leg. It had been years since you'd felt those phantoms, but this brought it all back.

All you could really do was cry in the arms of the monster that now held you, tenderly as a beast cradling a chick.

You could feel his horrible strength, his cloying warmth, his humid breath on your hair was hot in the dry air. You hadn't yet thought about him having a scent, but he did, the kind of scent that any living animal had, similar to another human being, and poorly covered with soap or cologne, also like a human being. He smelled alive; alive, and breathing, and warm, and you were cold with sweat, ravenous and sore with exertion, weary with exhaustion.

“Don't...want to be here.” you breathed piteously.

“Shh.” he soothed, dabbing your tears with his cloth. “It will be alright, my dear. I will make it so.”

He said it with such firm confidence, as if nothing in the universe could stand in his way. But then, he was perfectly capable of just killing inconveniences, wasn't he? All authority was; from the small-town cop with their false drug or gun allegations, to entire governments who politely asked their people not to call the internment camps at the border 'concentration camps' please.

All your life you had been under the thumb of that authority, and all your life all authority had done was try to take more and more control from you-from your mind, with constant propaganda and psyops, and from your body, with never-ending financial drains and restrictions. But it had never been as direct as this. It was exhausting and soul breaking, but it wasn't like this.

This man held you like a lover while he destroyed you.

“Let yourself rest. Rest.” he murmured  “Nothing else will hurt you. You'll be safe from now on, I'll see to it. My precious bride, just wait. After this, we can look to the future. After this, I can make you deliriously happy. Just let me.”

You were already drifting off, but you didn't miss the command behind that. What would he do if you were unable to comply? Would he find some way to 'make' you, like he had 'made' those people follow him when he first came to Earth? Or would he just remove you somehow? It was clear now that he wasn't planning to replace you with some other woman, not after this. This 'mistake' was permanent now.

You didn't fight the slumber as it came over you. It seemed like the only thin that would free you, if only for a little while.

                                                                         ******

Loki didn't want to leave your side, not even while you slept, but Eir all but dragged him away by the ear, to scold him for his recklessness.

“This is not one of your magical experiments, your highness, this is your wife! She is human! She is delicate, and distressed, and you have dropped a great deal on her in a very short time. Humans are not that strong, my prince. You must treat her gently, moreso than her own people apparently have.”

Loki took the tongue-lashing as he deserved, guilt gnawing at him. He had been reckless. He'd rushed things that hadn't needed to be rushed. Things that, in fact, should have been taken much more slowly, so that this case of mistaken identity could have been revealed and safely resolved.

It was far too late for that now. Loki was tied to you, and you were immortalized, and there would never be another for him, and your life would never be the same. More than his overflowing love for you, he now owed you quite a bit, for the tremendous disruption he had caused you.

He needed to find out what happened. Why had this all gone so wrong? It was tempting to attribute it to a curse upon his life; like every great plan he had ever made, it had come crashing down disastrously. But no, there was something else at work here, something outside of his knowledge or control. Someone was working against him.

Only a handful of humans knew he still lived, and was here. Several key U.N. leaders, those Thor had deemed either the most powerful, or the most trustworthy. It was a knife's edge of political power balance: if Loki stepped too far out of line, those leaders could reveal to the world that he still lived, and all of humanity might turn against Asgard for it. But likewise, Asgard could turn it back on them; after all, those leaders knew he lived, and ignored it for their own gain. Human lives were so brief, and human leaders were so terribly aware of their own mortality, so terribly obsessed with holding their power until they died. To lose that was the greatest fear of each and every one of them, and he was entirely willing to use that against them as viciously as necessary.

Showing mercy, while making it clear what unmercifulness would look like was one of Asgards oldest and most powerful negotiating tools.

Had someone in power in your homeland interfered with the selection process? Had an enemy of your homeland done it? He had expected a relative of your country's leader, a daughter, niece, or cousin. Perhaps an even more distant relation. Had a third cousin objected to their daughter being sent to him, and replaced her with you at the last moment? Treachery.

Why had they deemed you a suitable replacement then? Was it the leg? Was it that you were poor? They must have known that you would become rich beyond measure as his wife.

What had happened?

He couldn't shake free of the memory of your face, contorted with agony, begging for death, cursing his name for hours. It had taken nearly a day for the transformation to be complete, but it had been so long since a human had been blessed with an Apple, that Loki didn't know if that was normal or not. Maybe that was why they were given to humans so rarely. Few would go through that kind of torment willingly.

You hadn't even done it willingly.

His heart squeezed tight in his chest. He had to find out what had happened.

                                                                       ******

“Ah. If it isn't my favorite face, before me once again.” Heimdall said, voice as flat as always.

“How is it possible that you've gotten even more insufferable since the last time we met?” Loki shot back. “All this extra sunlight must be overheating your brain.”

“And yet, it was your highness who decreed this be my new lookout point. Do you complain now?”

“No, no, look. When I picked up my wife, did you see anything unusual? Anything surrounding the event at all?”

“I saw two men, dressed identically, in a vehicle that lacked some of the marks that they usually have. They threw her walking aid into the grass a few miles away from your pick up site. A dog dragged it away. I did not see them escort her, as I did not know who I was looking for at that time.”

“Could you find them again?”

Heimdall gave him a stoic look. Loki sighed and nodded.

“Find them again. I wish to know what they are doing right now.”

Heimdall gazed out, ignoring the beating sun, and sought his targets.

“One is eating a sandwich at an outdoor cafe. He has an iced coffee. The waitress is flirting with him, but he does not respond to it.” he said in the hollow voice he got when he was far away like that. “The other...rots under the desert, naked.”

“He's dead?” Loki exclaimed. It had only been a day since he had received you. What could the man have done that warranted his death? He had delivered you, as promised.

Unless the men weren't supposed to deliver you. Unless they had been part of a plot, and perhaps one man had sacrificed his partner in order to escape. Unless...any number of possible intrigues.

“Extremely.” Heimdall confirmed.

Loki sighed and shook his head. There was too much missing information.

“I will need to speak to him.”

“The dead man?”

“No, of course not! The one having lunch. But not right now. When he is alone. Keep an eye on him.”

Heimdall said nothing, but merely settled into his long distance gaze. Loki approached a nearby worker. He was dressed in the heavy duty working clothes of a miner, and looking over a stack of reports. Loki joined him under his sun shelter.

“Find anything new?”

The miner started at his sudden appearance.

“Your majesty!” he exclaimed. “I didn't know you were coming.”

“I just happened to be in the area. How are your findings?”

“Uh, well,” the miner shuffled his reports nervously. “the iron has turned out to be substantially more that the traces we initially assumed, and we have discovered more water to be extracted. Several locations, in fact. We've also discovered  titanium, however...”

“Is there some kind of problem with it?” Loki asked.

“It's pretty far to the south...on land that technically hasn't been ceded to us.”

“A complication, to be certain. Well. Let's look at it as Midgardians would.” Loki began ticking points off on his fingers. “One: does anybody else live there? No, this entire rock is uninhabited, save for us. Two: Has anyone else laid claim to that land? Doubtful. I believe there have been treaties regarding that. Treaties which, incidentally, we have not signed. Three: is there any indigenous wildlife in the area that needs to be protected?”

The miner laughed.

“So the problem we are faced with here is largely non-binding. And if we keep our operation mostly underground, they might never notice in the first place. And even if they do, wasn't this land-gift meant to be a way for them to observe how we transform difficult terrain into livable space? They cannot observe us if we do not do it.”

“As you say, my liege.” The miner said.

Loki left him to his business, and made his rounds to each of the workers who were out plying their trades under the bright sun; water gatherers, stonecutters, road builders, brick makers, and maintenance workers, listening to their worries and spreading encouragement.

This was something he felt Odin must have forgotten; that kingdoms were not built on secrets, but by the hands of every member of society. Addressing their concerns was important, and often not all that difficult. The commoner was most often interested in simple things, such as food and safety for their family. The worker was usually concerned for their project, and their concerns were worth hearing, as they knew what they were doing. Loki did not know what stone was good and sturdy, or what stone was flawed or too weak for building with. A stonemason did.

Also, it was worth the time to be known by the people he was meant to lead and rule. Who could proclaim allegiance to a mystery?

He heard Heimdall softly call for him, as if the watcher was right next to him. He wished the man he was talking to well, and made his way back along the sun-drenched road.

“Well?” he asked.

“The man has retired to an inn. He is alone in his room.”

Loki smiled thinly. “Perfect.”

[lightningx]

you know what time it is~ wandavision theory time :D

btw this is just a continuation of my last theory post but that one was getting a tad long

☆ first of all, EPISODE 7 IS LITERALLY CALLED BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL. it is a combination of modern family and the office in the way it has the characters speaking directly to the audience. we also see agatha interviewing wanda at one point where wanda says “you’re not supposed to talk”.

☆ can we just take a moment to appreciate the number at the top of the license plate in episode 7. 122822. stan’s birthday. :)

☆ it was revealed that agnes is actually agatha harkness. while i was expecting this, i didn’t expect her to be so evil as that is not how she is portrayed in the comics. however, i think we can all agree that her “it’s been agatha all along” theme song is the catchiest thing ever~

☆ this is completely random, but i just realized that one of “geraldine’s” outfits bears an extremely close resemblance to the fantastic four uniform. yk the one with the scoop neck, the long denim vest, the blue and white colors. darcy also detects cosmic microwave background radiation in one of the first episodes. the fantastic four gain their powers after being exposed to cosmic radiation (maybe the same thing?). idk if this is a stretch but i feel like they’re dropping ff hints?

☆ another small thing, but the cereal that wanda keeps eating is called sugar snaps. this is a subtle reference to thanos and the snap.

☆ the mysterious disappearance of tommy and billy is definitely interesting. agatha may have turned them into a bug and rabbit as the camera so obviously pans to these two creatures. on another hand, though this is a little dark, she may have eaten or murdered the two boys. we do see faint blood splatters in agatha’s basement and she did mention that she has bitten children before.

☆ i have a ton of theories on what the book in agatha’s basement could be:

i think that marvel may be teasing the appearance of dr strange or the arrival of something darker. in agatha’s basement, we see a book. there is much speculation that this is the darkhold, a book created by the elder god chthon (whose powers connect to wanda’s origin in the comics). the darkhold is essentially a spell book that holds the key to all magic in the marvel universe and appears in marvel’s agents of shield and marvel’s runaways. dr strange has also been in possession of this book before. the most important aspect of this book, however, is that chthon created it to construct a gateway between his realm and earth. like a sort of way to jump through dimensions. like a multiverse. the book was also glowing the same orange color as the soul stone. it may be possible that agatha fed the twins’ souls to mephisto?

there are a couple other options for the book. it could be the necronomicon, a powerful tome of black magic derived from the darkhold. or, it could be the tome of zhered-na. another option is the book of cagliostro from the ancient one’s private collection which would connect to dr strange.

☆ perhaps it is time to revamp the grim reaper (eric williams) and wonder man (simon williams) theories? i doubt marvel “accidentally” hid an animated version of the grim reaper’s helmet in episode 2′s intro theme song. could hayward be eric williams? or, could hayward be ultron? in the avengers assemble show, ultron did take human form as a government official to take out the avengers. this could be why hayward wants vision’s corpse so badly. kevin feige has said, “i love bringing back characters people think they’ve seen the last of”.

☆ i’m still wondering if mephisto has something to do with all this. he could be agatha’s rather absent husband ralph, or señor scratchy, (mr. scratch being another name for the devil) her rabbit. at one point agatha does say “the devil’s in the details bev” and at one point dottie says “all of this is for the children” in a very alarming way. mephisto collected wanda’s children in the comics. agatha also has a son named nicholas scratch in the comics who i believe worked for mephisto? idk just something to think about.

☆ another thing on mephisto: we see a small clip of mephisto in a stained glass window in the loki trailer. from leaked set photos of tfatws, we see men wearing black leather jackets with the face of a red demon. wanda and mephisto do have quite the history in the comics. could this villain be carried throughout all of the upcoming series? are all of the upcoming series somehow intertwined or connected with one another?

☆ ok ok so they finally introduced the superhero photon (which in case yall missed it was also maria rambeau’s nickname) aka monica rambeau. we see her get her powers from going through westview’s barrier. in the comics, she gets her powers from being bombarded with extradimensional energy (something similar to the barrier) and was introduced as the second captain marvel.

☆ since i didn’t go over these in my last theory post, i wanted to continue my commercial theories here:

the fifth commercial is about a shark that offers a boy a yo-magic (which sounds like your magic) yogurt, but the boy can’t get it open until one day he withers into a skeleton. the slogan is “yo-magic, the snack for survivors!”. if the boy represents wanda, it could be representative of her survivor’s guilt (we see pietro with bullet wounds for a brief second in this episode). the shark also talks about “hunger” and a gift of unusable “magic”, which seems like it is indicating something like a “deal with the devil”, aka mephisto. it is the first commercial with a child as the main character which could have something to do with why episode 6 is the first time we see children in westview.

the sixth commercial is most definitely one of the most intriguing. it is about “nexus”, a type of antidepressant. some interesting lines of the commercial are “a unique antidepressant that works to anchor you back to your reality, or the reality of your choice” and “nexus: because the world doesn’t revolve around you, or does it?”. before i get into the broader meanings of nexus, we have heard the term before in aou where it was established as the biggest internet exchange point in the world (now this just seems code for multiverse). however, in the comics, nexus (also called the nexus of all realities) is a cross-dimensional gateway, providing a path to any and all realities. there are several characters in the marvel universe who are considered nexus beings. some examples are wanda maximoff/scarlet witch, kang the conqueror, and jean grey/the phoenix. given this commercial, another possibility for the book in agatha’s basement may simply be a portal to the multiverse.

[innotherlands]

This week has been a constant back and forth for me in regards to whether I think Bellarke will be canon/not canon, and I just don’t know what to think anymore.

I was feeling pretty negative up until the episode yesterday and then made a complete 180 back to believing in Bellarke endgame after I saw Echo’s Roan apparition. It appeared to me that what we have been saying about B/echo’s relationship this whole time, i.e. It is not equal and Echo sees Bellamy just as another master (and frankly, that Bellamy also does not value her opinion like he does other people’s *cough* Clarke *cough*) is finally being addressed and will hopefully lead to a breakup and result in E/cho finding an identity as an individual rather than a follower. I saw that and thought, okay here we go, they’re finally taking the necessary steps to get to Bellarke canon.

At least, that’s what it seemed until the second script to screen came out with low key romantic vibes between Clarke and G/aia. Lines such as (I’m paraphrasing) “more personal” “they moved apart” “and Indra senses” indicate that scene was trying (emphasis on trying) to portray a budding romance between the two. The thing is, when I watched that scene I saw nothing but friendship. I don’t know if I interpreted it wrong, they failed in translating what they really wanted to say from script to scene, or if it was just a weirdly worded way to say that they are developing a friendship and respect for each other. When I read that script my stomach sank, and so I went back to thinking that Bellarke isn’t happening.

At this point I honestly don’t know what to think. I was so sure before the season started (before the Bob/Bellamy drama) that Bellarke is going to be canon. The season premier just seemed to be communicating two different things at the same time.

Yet every time I think about it, I see Bellarke endgame as inevitable. It goes against the story that they have been telling for 6 seasons to end any other way, especially after the obvious romance in season 6. I was not at all confident in canon Bellarke post season five, but season six managed to completely change my mind. I just can’t see why they would write what would be interpreted as blantantly romantic scenes in any other couple and the foundations of a B/echo breakup if they weren’t intending to go there. Things like:

Clarke looking high key scared when Bellamy mentions the radio calls, and visibly relaxing when he reveals that Madi told him; what, pray tell did she say in those calls that she was so scared of Bellamy having heard? A love confession?

Paralleling Bellamy and Clarke with Gabriel and Josephine - they literally ended the season in their clothes

Bellamy dismissing every idea that E/cho suggests while championing Clarke as a leader/ agreeing with her suggestions

Emphasizing that E/cho doesn’t care about “doing better” like Bellamy and Clarke

Clarke listing “leaving Bellamy in Polis” as her biggest regret. She’s had to do so many terrible things, and that’s her biggest regret? Even though it all turned out okay? I see you girl.

Showing that B/echo don’t really know each other, even after spending 6 years together on the ring (although we don’t know how long they’ve actually been together, all we know is that he forgave her after 3 years; they read as a relatively new relationship to me) - Bellamy had to tell E/cho that Octavia got arrested at a party, which she should have known as it’s pivotal to his character. E/cho also has been lying about her past/identity (and I once again ask, how did he even forgive her if he didn’t know anything about why she was actually so loyal to Azgeda?)

The consistent blocking and framing of E/cho between Bellamy and Clarke. In the first episode Clarke even completely blocks E/cho from the camera’s view while Bellamy and Clarke gaze at one another

The absolutely adoring way that Clarke looked at Bellamy when he brought Madi back to her

Bellamy picking a fight with E/cho over not being emotional enough just after having an emotional and cathartic conversation with Clarke (and watching her dance with another dude)

Clarke understanding what Bellamy needs re: Octavia, juxtaposed with his obvious annoyance with E/cho’s attempts to get him to forigive her

Bellamy being the first one (and only one without help) to figure out that Clarke has been body snatched.

E/cho spending an entire episode worrying about Bellamy while he was - at the same time - ready to burn sanctum down over Clarke and forgo a peace deal without sparing a thought for E/cho (and the rest of his family)

“Don’t you remember what it’s like to lose someone you love?”- Russel talking to a Josephine about (presumably) Gabriel

Paralleling Russel and Simone to Bellamy and Clarke (remember when Simone said Russel uses his heart, implying that she uses her head? Or when Bellamy and Clarke exited the Sanctum bar the exact same way as Russel and Simone had moments before (if I had a gif I would use it, but believe me it’s obviously intentional when you look at it)

The camera moving from Lexa (her past love interest) to Bellamy (her current love interest) in Clarke’s mind space

Clarke’s unwillingness to face Bellamy in her mind space for fear that he hadn’t actually forgiven her for her actions

How Clarke gave up on herself when she thought that Bellamy had given up on her.

How Bellamy was the first person to realize that Clarke was still alive, through Morse code no less. How attentive to somebody do you have to be to notice something like that?

Bellamy abandoning everything at just the slightest chance that Clarke could be alive; he knew that taking Josephine!Clarke would anger Russel and likely lead to a perilous situation for his family and girlfriend, and yet he did it anyway. There are so many variables that could have lead to failure, i.e. running out of time before Clarke and Josephine merge, Josephine herself, the CoG, the location of Gabriel, whether or not Gabriel would actually help him, etc. Bellamy had everything to lose if he didn’t succeed, but he ultimately decided a loss of Clarke is worse than risking his entire family’s safety over the long shot of saving Clarke.

Bellamy staring angstly at Josephine!Clarke and waiting what felt like forever to say “I won’t let you die” (which we and likely Josephine took as “I love you”).

How Bellamy instinctively knew when Clarke had returned in the cave

“Clarke, you gotta run” “No, I’m not leaving you!”

The CPR scene. There are so many things here: Bellamy finally admitting he needs Clarke after denying it during the red sun, including himself and Madi as the people that need Clarke (not Abby?), the repeating of the head and the heart (the symbolic representation of their relationship) as almost a mantra, Bellamy’s words inspiring Clarke to fight back (we all know his crappy CPR didn’t do the trick), Bellamy beating Clarke’s heart for her - symbolically being her heart when she was stuck in her head, the way that everybody thought they were going to kiss after she woke up (we know our girl wanted to, but she’s not a cheater), the fact that Octavia tried to tell Bellamy that he should let Clarke go but he wouldn’t accept it, how Clarke literally nuzzles his shoulder after she wakes up.

Gabriel saying “I have to let you go now” and Bellamy later saying “I won’t let you go” - it’s a symbolic passing of the torch and proof of Bellamy’s devotion to Clarke

The music during the CPR scene being the same (albeit more emotional) as when Abby was doing CPR on Kane

The increase in intimacy the episode after Clarke was revived: Bellamy’s hand on Clarke’s thigh, the gazing into eachother’s eyes, the casual touching, Bellamy’s “I didn’t protect you” and obvious guilt over choosing to save Clarke over his family’s safety (not that he regrets saving her - his guilt is his acknowledgment that he chose Clarke over everybody), his adamant refusal to let Clarke go into danger even though it was the best way to save their friends, Gabriel’s intrisic knowledge that Bellamy wouldn’t want Clarke to be put in danger, the way they stared at each other after Clarke took off their gags, etc.

“E/cho’s in trouble too, I’ll do what I can for her” followed by a less than emotional stare and the stark realization that he actually has a girlfriend and her name isn’t Clarke

The absolutely lovestruck way that Clarke stared at Bellamy when he was giving his speech about the primes

The way E/cho and Bellamy reunited after he heard she was in danger and we Clarke’s bittersweet reaction to the hug but not E/cho’s face. Also, a pat on the back and no kiss? That’s funny.

The emotional Bellarke hug(s) at the end of the season where they are shrouded in golden light and are silhouetted with sun spots reaching over their entwined bodies - this is a tried an true romance trope and the director had to have known when shooting the scene

All of this happened in season 6, and that isn’t even mentioning the stuff from previous seasons like “a traitor who you love” “the hostage taker and his girlfriend,” the radio calls, “I’ve got you for that!”, “we can’t! lose! Clarke!”, etc. that just scream Bellarke romance. I look at all of it and just think that the story can’t possibly end any other way than Bellarke canon. There’s too much evidence supporting a Bellarke romance and B/echo breakup. E/cho could find herself away from Bellamy and Clarke will go to the ends of the earth to save him. But with the potential C/laia stuff now I am so anxious and stressed. This season could honestly go either way, and I wish I could skip forward to the ending so I could just know once and for all. These next months are going to feel like forever. For now I’m going to watch and hope for the best, trusting what my eyes have been telling me all these years to be true. I just hope Jason can follow through.

[nzvalley]

Rewatching some Star Trek: Enterprise (”E2” & “Zero Hour”)

The last section of the season becomes very procedural, very perfunctory. It’s well-crafted and well-executed, but it’s plot-heavy and militaristic. The scenes of MACOs preparing, of soldiers discussion tactics and training, feels like what some of the writers really wanted from the show. The one exception, which seems out of place, is E2     

3x21 – E2

I usually like time travel episodes, but this episode is hard to get through for me. For the obvious shipping reasons, definitely, but also because this idea could have been great. As it stands, the writers attempt to pack too much into too short of time.

The scenes where Archer and T’Pol in the “past” are poignant. Very ambitious effect to distinguish it in the timeline. 

T’Pol seems a little too aged for roughly 180 right? We’ve seen Vulcans well over 200 be spry and steady. T’Pol seems elderly and frail. Maybe it has something to do with her Pa’nar Syndrome or the effects of her addiction.

Elderly!T’Pol comes close to hugging Archer when they meet, but stops at grasping him by the upper arms/shoulders. Similar to the manner that he frequently does to her when he is trying to comfort or steady her. 

Looking at the story through (heavy) shipper goggles, T’Pol stayed very dedicated to Archer’s mission. She met with Archer first, before anyone else. And eldery!T’Pol remains as loyal to Archer as ever, even going against Lorian’s wishes. 

3x24 – Zero Hour (Finale)

Lots of plot, and more plot. This is a well-crafted finale, a well-crafted last act of the season, but very mechanical too.

Love the Archer/Hoshi scenes, even though she is distressed. Their connection seemed so strong in the pilot, and I always hated that their relationship receded into the background. Hoshi’s guilt about giving up the third code really comes through.

Archer is ruthless and selfless, always willing to sacrifice himself most of all.

Daniels spoils the finale for Archer! The bastard! Seriously, this last-ditch effort by Daniels is pretty epic. Daniels again seems like he’s a voice of some of the writers who don’t like the changes in S3. It almost sounds like the fate of the character of Archer is being argued about, whether or not he can really be killed off.

DANIELS: It's too great a risk. If you're killed, none of this will happen. At least, not the way it's supposed to happen. ARCHER: Then it'll happen some other way. Who's to say whether it'll be better or worse? DANIELS: It's essential you be a part of this. ARCHER: Where are we? What planet? DANIELS: Earth. ARCHER: Seems to me it's just as essential that Earth be around for this too. DANIELS: Lieutenant Reed can work with Sato. They are not crucial to the future of mankind. You are. ARCHER: My mission is to save Earth, not your Federation.

Interesting scene between T’Pol and Phlox about death. She acknowledges she finds death distracting, and tries to put it out of her mind. Putting her reaction to Archer’s believed death in Azati Prime  in a new light. 

T'POL: I have always found it distracting to think of death, especially when entering a dangerous situation. PHLOX: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. I don't know about Vulcans, but Denobulans take great pleasure in bequeathing their belongings to far-flung relatives. T'POL: We're not dead yet.

Hoshi should save the day more often. It really is a tragedy they didn’t focus more on her. With humans venturing into the wider galaxy for the first time, encountering many new alien species, it would have made sense for the communications officer and linguist to be particularly highlighted.

T’Pol acquits herself well when in command of Enterprise. Hard to believe how out of control she was half-dozen episodes ago.

Shran! Bringing the Xindi arc back into the Federation arc, and eventually the Temporal Cold War arc is woven in as well. This episode does a fairly good job of reintegrating the show back into what they’d established in the first two seasons. Shran once again saves Archer and humanity, for little reason other than the trust and respect that has grown between the two.

SHRAN: And tell Archer we're not even any more. He owes me!

There’s a theme of cooperation in this finale and season. Humanity would not have been saved without alien allies. Shran and T’Pol, of course. But Phlox is also essential to the Entreprise crew’s survival. And the Xindi species that allied themselves with humans. This season often gets mischaracterized as being xenophobic and jingoistic, but it ultimately has a very kumbaya message.

T’Pol thinks Archer is dead again. She is visibly distraught. She doesn’t cry this time, but the camera focuses on her gutted reaction. It also cuts to her alone in the ready room, at the window of despair. This is where she came to cry for Archer when she thought he was dead last time. Archer has angsted about T’Pol there too, so there’s a lot of meaning. 

T’Pol’s meeting with the Xindi representative continues the preview of T’Pol in command, showing what the ship (and show) might be like if Archer was killed off for real. In that scene, which immediately follows her learning about Archer’s “death,” she is still anguished. The way she holds her book defensively to her chest and to her mouth. She freezes and closes her eyes when the Xindi mentions Archer’s sacrifice.

T’Pol’s scene with Phlox is touching. Their interactions with Porthos especially, and their elision of the fact that they’re talking about T’Pol’s loss.  

PHLOX: Only time. How's morale? T'POL: It isn't easy for a crew to lose it's Captain. PHLOX: I suppose we'll all need time to heal. T'POL: Will he be all right? PHLOX: After a while. He's lost his best friend, but it's just a matter of time. He'll be fine again. T'POL: Did you hear that? The Doctor say's you'll be fine. It's just a matter of time.

The way her voice breaks on that last sentence! T’Pol believes she has lost a close friend, a trusted partner, and perhaps more. And is this the first time T’Pol has touched Porthos willingly?

Timey wimey stuff! Returing to the notion, which as far as I know I made up, that some producer or network exec wanted Archer/Bakula off the show: imagine this episode without the capper scene revealing Archer is alive. Where the season ends with Mayweather, Trip, and the fighter planes. Seems pretty natural. Maybe that was an option that was discussed or set up. Just speculating. But thankfully that didn’t happen, because we get some awesome costuming, set design, and character beats in the premiere episodes of Season 4!

Final Thoughts on S3

A major flaw in this season is its weak villains. The Reptilians end up seeming misguided, too quick to believe their Guardians and too stubborn to change course. The Guardians/Sphere-builders literally aren’t there. They are a phantom villain. The biggest antagonists are the weapon and the spheres, technology.

Such a flawed season, but still with strong episodes and high points. The season-long narrative was mostly well-done, but the militaristic tone and content they were going for didn’t match the ethos of the show. The season is over plotted. The Xindi were awesome as new species, but not great as antagonists. And of course the Trip/T’Pol neuropressure blight! 

I’ve said several times this season that certain episodes should have been expanded, and each one had to do with time travel. With as important as time travel ultimately turns out to be in this season, they should have played that up from the beginning. That would be the simplest way to fix the season. Cut out some of the extraneous plot and overbearing romance, and expand the time travel episodes. 

The Xindi arc never should have presented as different from the Temporal Cold War, but as that war going hot and putting everything we know about Star Trek history in jeopardy. The time travel stories they had, like Twilight, Carpenter Street, and E2 should have been expanded and/or played up as essential arcs. The presence of Lorian and elderly!T’Pol should have been revealed early into the season, at least to the audience. Although his paternity could still be a reveal later on in the season.

With whatever time is left after expanding the time travel stuff, dedicate that to fleshing out T’Pol’s addiction arc and making her romantic experimentation more natural. The writers actually set up a good way for Trip and T’Pol’s romance to start, with them working on Trellium- they just never followed up on it. I would continue their work on Trellium (high stakes, high pressure, and often alone,) while also revealing to the audience that T’Pol’s experience in Impulse caused her to start ingesting Trellium as a drug.

The season wouldn’t be perfect, but it would be greatly improved by 1. improving the villains, 2. expanding the time travel stories and making them a central thematic arc, and 3. expanding T’Pol’s addiction arc by revealing her “drug use” early in the season to the audience.

Transcripts: http://www.chakoteya.net/Enterprise/episodes.htm

Screencaps: https://ent.trekcore.com/gallery/index.php?cat=4

[stoplookingupforheaven]

one day i went “hey, i see a parallel in one line of Four Walls and one line of Skulls, let’s write a one-shot!”

here it is.

warnings: this piece does center around the theme of murder (but never goes into detail) and contains a few passing mentions of small, dark spaces.

Murder, n. The crime

Is it really always a crime?

They say the traffic was murder, yesterday at rush hour - does that make it a crime? Because something is difficult, does that set it irrevocably against the law? There must be a qualifier. Where do the deeds I have done fall?

---

Part I: I’ll Be Buried Here With You / There’s No View From Here

I have never been afraid of the dark, or small spaces. Spending eternity under the ground is not such a bad way to go.

Now, there is only a tiny patch of sky. I mark the passing of time by its color, and the slow march of clouds as they drift by.

I am like these clouds; weightless, helpless, pulled by the winds of fate to nowhere. My four walls are gray. The sky is cerulean, sometimes. Others, navy. Still others, it is indistinguishable from the gray of the walls. Cold colors for a cold world.

By comparison, the ground sounds welcoming. Rich earth, warmed by the sun, to rest over my body. Dandelions taking hold over my bones. Life feeding death feeding life.

Will the ground I am destined to sleep beneath be warm? Will I sink into its embrace as I did when I was a child, digging my hands into the garden beds and letting the earth spill over my arms and legs? I used to come home with dirt in my hair and on my skin, and it was warmed by me, by the life that I gave off, in blood or sweat or sunburn. Is this what death is like?

Or does the earth only warm those who sleep with no guilt?

---

Murder, n. The crime of unlawfully

Now, that’s just silly. Whoever heard of a lawful crime? It’s an oxymoron, a contradiction of terms.

Perhaps Robin Hood committed so-called “lawful crimes”. Stealing from the rich and giving to the poor. He followed his own code, even if it wasn’t the one accepted by society. Morally right, legally wrong. I suppose it depends on one’s definition of “lawful,” which is absolutely a more confusing thing to define than murder.

---

Part II: In These Four Walls My Thoughts Seem To Wander / These Four Walls To Keep You

At night, I have visitors.

They come to me in dreams, by turns scolding or sympathetic. Some promise vengeance on my behalf. Others scream at me, cursing me and my family and everyone I’ve ever loved. Those ones are usually dead.

Some just want to know why.

Sometimes, I want to know why too.

Why does anyone kill? What moves a person to take the life of someone else? I have a feeling that if I knew, I’d have a much better defense, but I don’t know any more than anyone else. I am not a psychologist. I do not pretend to know how the human mind works, not even my own.

The detectives go on about “motive” and “means” as if such things are substitutes for the synapses in the brain that determine the actions of the body, as if by piecing together their clues and logic puzzles they could understand why anyone does anything. What they fail to understand - and what I do - is that why is so much more than methodology. The mind is more than the pieces of the brain added up, more than the chemical equations that allow us the ability to speak and breathe and point a gun and pull the trigger. We are more than the sum of our actions.

I wish I could speak to the ones who ask why. I want to know why, too.

---

Murder, n. The crime of unlawfully killing

Behold, a verb.

Specifically, one meaning to take life, although not every life we end is considered murder, clearly. The child who severs a flower from its stem is not considered a murderer.

There are things, too, that may give us life without giving up their own. We pick the apple, but the tree does not die.

---

Part III: Now It’s All Before You / Now You Carry It With You

Do feelings stay with us into death?

Will I carry with me the legacy of my actions, cradling the weight in my hands, cursed to bear the chains that I have forged forever? Will I wear them through some Jacob Marley-esque, ghostlike existence? Or does the loss of earthly consciousness mean losing consciousness of those chains, too?

I have grown used to the burden. The remains, the leftovers of the crime I committed, are always with me, a weight that both punishes and comforts me. I do not wish to carry it at all, but I want even less to feel no guilt. The guilt reminds me that I am real, autonomous, and not simply the product of someone else’s nightmare.

I would fear God only if I believed in one to fear. As it is, I have never found any comfort in placing my hopes in the hands of the divine. They say that others have repented when they were on death’s door, that their last act was to plead for forgiveness before they met their Maker.

I will choose instead to take my chances only if and when I find a God in death. I did not act in this life with the intent of pleasing a deity; I see no reason to change this in the life after.

Perhaps, if there truly is an always-forgiving God, it will not matter. Perhaps I will not carry my chains through death.

---

Murder, n. The crime of unlawfully killing a person

Oh, murder applies specifically to people? Now we’re beginning to go somewhere.

Human beings killing other human beings. We’ve been doing that for thousands of years. Is every soldier’s death on the battlefield murder? Some would say so. The accidents we cause, that lead to the deaths of loved ones - are those murder? Perhaps.

---

Part IV: I’ll Hold In These Hands All That Remains / Until You Face The Rope

The end is an interesting place to be. It’s empty, but not how you might think.

It isn’t empty like a pristine living room waiting to be filled with furniture. It’s empty like a kitchen after all the guests have left. There’s a few stray napkins, a wrapper on the counter, crumbs on the tablecloth. The remains of something that was once full.

Here is what remains at my end: four walls, one floor, a tiny piece of sky, the weight of the wrong I have done, and me.

I am not dead. That is still to come. But I have reached the end of my life. I exist in some in-between state, waiting for the inevitable, patiently, restlessly, quietly.

All that is left are skeletons; this skeleton room, my skeleton thoughts. Soon, I will join them, and my bones will be all that remains of a life that was lived, if not fully or well.

I believe I have made my peace with it.

---

Murder, n. The crime of unlawfully killing a person, especially with malice aforethought.

The death of one, at the hand of another. The hand of one who envisioned it. One who has lain awake at night pondering it. One who set out on the journey with a clear end in mind, an end that had room for one less person, one more corpse.

Does what I have done fit this definition?

A jury of twelve said so. The truth does not matter now.

[shiggityontherocks]

Here’s my submission for the Stargate Fic exchange hosted by @brightclam

My story is for @raybyanothername who requested Vala in Atlantis, so I wrote three vignettes set during The Pegasus Project, that shows Vala interacting with the SGA crew more.  You can read it fully below the cut, but as it’s set up as three different chapters, it may be messy.  It’s also x-posted at Ao3 here. And ff.net here. 

i.

Once the landing protocols have all been run through and the vessel successfully lands on Atlantis, Daniel’s excitement becomes more palpable. He shifts nervously next to her as they wait for access into the city, and once it’s granted, he’s the first off the ship.

Supposes that it’s only fair as according to him, this is where he’s meant to be.

The others follow.

Daniel has already set into conversation with a woman, possibly Dr. Weir, as they stroll ahead, hurling long worded methods at each other. Samantha shakes her head, dutifully following along, and Mitchell who rolls his eyes.

She’s left standing in the lapse of her team, with random people scattered at the semicircle of consoles. None have even looked up at her and if she were in the gaming mood, she would simply take off. Got a good view of the city from above—there’s bound to be endless corridors and secret passages leading to riches and treasures unknown, but part of her has grown weary of always looking for the next trinket, of always seeking the thrill of the steal.

“I don’t think we were introduced.”

A man’s voice pulls her out of her scheme. He stands before her, looking rather concerned at her lack of answer, but nevertheless offers out his hand to her. “I’m Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard.”

“Sorry.” She grasps his hand finding strength in his shake, making her cock an eyebrow at him. “I was simply distracted by, well, everything.”

“It’s a lot to take in, Ms.—”

“Mal Doran. Vala Mal Doran. Vala is fine.”

“Well, I think everyone is heading to the debriefing room to start the tour.” He gestures towards the now empty hallway with only the faint whisper of Daniel’s words echoing back towards them.

They walk in silence for mere moments, before the colonel pipes up again, “so how’s Earth?”

“I’ve only been back on your planet for a few months.” They walk at their own pace, slow and relaxed. His hands are in his pocket and it gives him an atmosphere of innocence. If she had ended up in Atlantis instead of Earth, she feels he would be the one who stuck up for her. “Most of my knowledge comes from television programs.”

“Oh.” He’s taken aback only momentarily. “You watch any sports?”

“I watch most of everything to learn about the culture—oh,” she interrupts herself, remembering the one show she won’t spend a second viewing. “Except Dancing with the Stars.”

He chuckles while depressing a button, waiting for the doorway to another sector to open. “Not that I need a reason, but why won’t you watch it?”

“In previous years I loved to dance.” She steps gracefully over the lip in the door when Colonel Sheppard gestures for her to move through first. “Watching those celebrities dance with empty hearts is akin torture.”

“Hmmm.” He mulls over her statement as they arrive at another door, one that needs his verification code for access. Judging buy the rudimentary scrawled sign taped over the Ancient writing, it’s their conference room.

Accepts the natural end to their conversation as once they’ve slipped through the doors, she’ll be reprimanded for being tardy, and a long, boring tour—specifically void of any mention of valuables—will begin.

But he halts his thumb before engaging the door. “You’re probably gonna be here for a day or two, and there’s plenty of wide-open spaces in Atlantis—if you want a dancing partner, I’m game.”

It’s a suggestion that makes her feel oddly welcome in this strange city. She offers him a weak smile before the doors hiss open, but it may have been lost in the din of disagreements exuding from the room.

ii.

Manages to stray willfully from their tour group—clotted together in the tight hallways, listening as Dr. Weir stops at every corner and dissects everything they know about said corner.

Nothing at all interesting to her.

Part of her wishes they would have left her back under that mountain. Part of her wishes they would have partnered her with Teal’c for this mission—but he probably requested she tag along with the rest of the team.

She ducks into a room, one of the labs that, if Dr. Weir’s monologue was correct, apparently belongs to a Dr. McKay. It’s just as dark as Daniel’s lab and she wonders if these scientists prefer to live in the dark for a reason.

Floating between an aisle of trinkets and goodies, she resists the urge to snatch any up, mainly because she isn’t that impressed by what she sees, but also because a beam of light distracts her. Through a large window, she’s rewarded with a beautiful view of Atlantis. The sun hangs high in the sky, and the weather is so clear she can see the waves break against the city, even from here.

“Uh, excuse me?” Someone clears their voice from behind her. “What are you doing here?”

She turns away from the sunlight, something she’s missed these months under solid rock, and grins innocently at him, hoping that he won’t rat her out right away. This is the first conversation she’s had unsolicited and unaccompanied by a team member in some time. “I just tarried from the tour group.”

“Tour group?” Mumbles the words, a bit disgusted, more confused and stuttering. Do all the male doctors stutter? “Who are you?”

“A tour group member?” Her voice a little shrill as she shrugs at him, scrunching her nose, still hoping to pass off as innocent.

“Listen.” He points at her, but his hand is jittering, not strong and straight, and perhaps he’s been through some trauma recently. “You tell me who you are right now or—”

“Vala!”

The conversation is halted, rather deceased, as Daniel plods into the room, his face not one of confusion, but irritation. His eyebrows course, and his eyes narrowing behind his glasses. “I told you not to stray.”

“Yes, well, as captivating as you all might find the history of specific corners, my brain requires a little more stimulation, Daniel.” At the end of her sentence she glances back to whom she assumes is Dr. McKay, and beams again, only furthering the man’s confusion.

“What are you doing in here?”

“Dr. McKay and I were just having a conversation.”

“Uh huh.” Daniel instantly sees through her charade. “Did you take anything?”

“No.”

“Did you take anything?” He repeats, his eyes narrowing further.

“No, Darling, mostly because all the gems on that table are fake.”

“Except they’re not,” Dr. McKay scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest in a big huff. “They came directly from a mining planet in exchange for—”

“Well, then you were swindled, Darling.” Tilting her head to the side she offers him a rueful smile.

The doctor, again, looks confused, but his eyes widen, and his mouth grows agape as he realizes that he was swindled. Expects him to become irked the way Daniel does, but instead he grins, and opens his mouth to respond.

Only, Daniel grabs her by the forearm, and begins to drag her from the room. “Come on, Vala. They’re waiting for us.”

Allows herself to be tugged along, as petulant as it seems, perhaps all her wheedling has earned it. At the lab entrance she manages to throw a wave back to Dr. McKay, and just before the doors snap closed, he returns the gesture.

iii.

Sneaks away from Daniel while he’s conversing with Dr. Weir about the Ancients, about the system put in place for them to spy without offering any real help. Feels like there are no real conversations anymore, that the majority of their speech is devoted to missions and the SGC. Even a casual dinner around a commissary table turned into a secondary debriefing despite Mitchell, Samantha, and Dr. McKay being successful on their mission.

For the sake of her ears and her soul, she needs just a moment away to settle.

Only manages to round the corner before realizing that all the hallways appear too similar for her to currently navigate.

In the mountain she’s able to slip around relatively unnoticed, knows which hallways connect with which, and can have herself in areas that require the highest of clearances within the blink of her eye. But here, she doesn’t know what she’s looking for, aside from some solitary time and a conversation that doesn’t reek of all business and no pleasure.

Hears Daniel’s voice echo down the corridor as he bellows her name. Her shoulders hunching instinctively, and her back pressing against the wall, lest he find her. But, with a huff of irritation, he returns to Dr. Weir’s office to most likely continue talking about Merlin and Morgan Le Fay.

Would continue her casual trek down the hallway—perhaps to find that dashing Lieutenant Colonel who offered her a dance—but is weighed down by the guilt of knowing that if she feels this tired after a day of watching Daniel interact with an Ancient, then he must be even more exhausted.

Reluctantly, she ignores the random Atlantean personnel who have obvious places to be and no universes to currently save and drags herself back to the mouth of Dr. Weir’s office.

“Is there anyway you can put out an APB for her?” Daniel shrugs his jacket on, his movements a little stiff as he stands between the two chairs he and she previously occupied.

Dr. Weir reaches, snatching up the cradle of the phone. “I could make an announcement for her to meet you in the conference room. Would that help?”

“No.” He shakes his head, and although it confuses her, he doesn’t seem to be upset by her antics. “She probably wouldn’t listen anyway.”

“Daniel,” Dr. Weir’s laugh is a little punctuated, “don’t take this the wrong way, but she’s not usually the type of person you’d give the time of day to.”

His head bobs as he nods in agreement, and there’s a little sting in her chest, because she knew she was inadequate, but she didn’t know she was that malignant. “Oh, I know.”

“Sam told me you were the one who fought to get her on the team.”

Daniel nods again, his forthrightness refreshing, but also indicative of just how much he’s missed Dr. Weir’s point. “So?”

“So,” Dr. Weir grabs her own jacket from the back of her desk chair. “Why put all that time and effort into someone who just annoys you.”

“Because as much as she annoys me, she challenges me.” The way he says it, with a straight back and even voice makes her think it’s a truth. “She’s smart, maybe not in conventional ways, but she adds a crucial perspective in a lot of matters—” by now he’s starting to run out of breath, his answer turning more into a ramble “—I don’t think anyone’s ever offered her the chance to help before without wanting something back from her, so she’s still learning.”

“Then she deserves that chance—”

Fears the conversation will somehow turn sour if she dallies any longer, so, with a heaving breath to control emotions ignited by Daniel’s kind words, she walks casually back into the room, effectively halting the dialogue.

“Are you two finally done speaking of Ancients and ascensions?”

“Yeah, I think we can call it a night.” Daniel glances to Dr. Weir, and then back to her, while fixing the collar of his shirt. “You want to see what the city looks like at night?”

[dreamworksconvict]

She-Ra: Racism Problem Pt. 2

Thanks to everyone who said nice things about my earlier post!!!! I like am really invested in representation and media so I’m glad it’s being received well. 

I also want to add a caveat that I’m not trying to cancel She-Ra. I just want to hold media to a high standard and think that we can critique the things we like.

Next I want to talk about some pretty heavy topics: the White Savior trope and colonialism. Again, I’ll be pretty spoiler-heavy here. I also want to warn people that there will be mention of genocide and antisemitism. I’ll be writing about Hordak in the next part.

In the fourth part I want to add an addendum about Catra being coded as Latina, which I think is a valid interpretation. I also want to talk about the ableism present in the show with both Hordak and Entrapta, which is a separate issue so I’ll label it differently. 

Imagine a story like this: 

“I am a white-coded, able-bodied, implied cisgender protagonist who has a Special Trait that makes me Stronger and/or More Unique than other characters. I also have some connection to Some Evil Colonizers from Space. Oh no! Some Evil Colonizers from Space have showed up to threaten me and my Token Diverse friends who get about half as much screentime as I do! Wait a second, “evil?” There’s no such thing! They’re only Misunderstood Colonizers Who Didn’t Mean It, and/or there was More to the Story. Maybe they came from a Dysfunctional Family or were Abused/Bullied! I think the people/places they colonized may have been Secretly Bad or Just As Bad all along, too! Wowee! Let’s all have a Heart-to-Heart and/or sacrifice one of my Token Diverse friends to save the day!”

Which story am I referring to? Well...

Voltron... or She-Ra... or Steven Universe.. and probably others...yeah.

(And for those who claim that Keith isn’t the protagonist of Voltron, well... I mean he is... but that’s an entirely different essay. But notice how Lance and Hunk are actually smaller than the other characters on the screen and are partly transparent, and that Allura gets pushed to the back row and is mostly covered? Yikes...)

(On my previous post, someone also noted that Steven is half-Jewish. I was not aware that Rebecca had confirmed this officially. As I am not Jewish myself, I don’t want to speak over this, but I do want to point out that you can be white and Jewish, as it is a Diaspora identity. There are many Jewish ethnicities, such as Ashkenazim, Sephardim, and Mizrahim. I also wish that we had seen more of that in the show--like Steven celebrating Hanukkah, or learning Hebrew, or having a Rosh Hashanah celebration... From what I can tell, Rebecca only confirmed this on a Reddit AMA post. So I don’t know specifically how Steven identifies because that was never clarified in the show, but it seems like he is coded as white. Definitely feel free to disagree, this is just how I’ve interpreted the show, especially given its treatment of colonization.)   

On top of all three of these shows recycling a very similar plotline, they all share the White Savior trope. Teen Vogue has an article talking about how this is linked to colonialism and I highly encourage checking that out. I’m going to pull a large chunk of text from there because I think it’s really important and applies to animation, not just live action films. 

“Many white people in films based on the stories of POC are often subliminally depicted as godlike saviors, heroes who are rational and judicious to the core. They are usually deified men or women — glorified and righteous — like scripture out of a Holy Book. Look at Hillary Swank in Freedom Writers. The white savior somehow always ends up usurping the narrative. And in this centering of whiteness and white characters, the POC characters end up becoming props, which only perpetuates ideas of our otherness and unimportance, which then establishes a status quo of racism. Whiteness is again normalized, and POC are decentralized. This is particularly problematic because whiteness is not only favored in Hollywood but also in society at large; white privilege is ever-present and ubiquitous.”

Look at the center poster for She-Ra: Adora is pictured in white and gold and red as an accent. She’s bathed in a golden light. This color combination is no coincidence, because we already associate that combination with religious iconography, like the Vatican. 

(I also want to make a note that this is specifically associated with Christian/Catholic iconography. A lot of these shows could be classified as antisemitic in their handling of colonialism and genocide. I would argue--and will be arguing in my thesis--that Season 6-8 of Voltron’s plot heavily relied on antisemitic tropes, especially as it related to Lotor and the Alteans. But that’s for another day.) (Also see my discussion of Steven Universe’s Jewish identity above.)

So how exactly does She-Ra follow the White Savior trope, how is it similar to other stories’ utilization of the trope, and how does this all relate back to colonialism? I would say there are two main factors: setting up Adora as a white heroine with a darker-skinned foil (Catra), and setting up a narrative where Hordak “isn’t that bad of a guy, really.” For this part I’m gonna focus on Adora.

1: Adora as the White Savior

Adora is from the Horde. Keith is half-Galra. Steven’s mom is Pink Diamond. 

All three of these protagonists have some personal tie or connection to a group of colonizing villains. The Diamonds want(ed) to take over earth and suck the life force from it, as they’d done on other planets. They also used a super-weapon to with the intent to kill all the rebel gems. The Galra created an empire and also sucked the life out of planets. They also created a super-weapon that could kill an entire planet, and had already committed genocide against the Alteans. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Big Bad of She-Ra, Horde Prime, has similar goals. Hordak certainly does.

There is an ever-so-slight separation of Adora from the other two protagonists, who, at the start of the series, do not know they are related to the villain group in some way. (Steven doesn’t know he’s a Diamond.) Adora, on the other hand, starts the series as a villain. She’s part of a group that has actively been fighting and destroying the Princesses and the planet. The first episode notes that she is particularly good at her job, with Hordak nominating her for Force Captain. Adora also notes that “this is what [she’s] been working for her entire life.” When Catra and Adora leave the Fright Zone, it is not out of goodwill. They simply want to go for a joyride on a skiff. 

When Adora gains the power of She-Ra, she acts ignorant of the Horde’s actions. The first episode, Adora is completely defensive of Hordak. She even claims that “Hordak says we’re doing what’s best for Etheria.” It is not until the second episode that Adora begins to have any remorse for her actions--but also note that Adora’s main motivation during the first half of this episode is to continue onward with Bow and Glimmer because she wants to know more about herself, not repent for her actions. It is not until the end of the episode that she begins to become a bit more self-aware, but there is a key phrase that Glimmer utters that is very key to the White Savior narrative: “I feel like maybe you’re here to help us.” This line comes after Glimmer apologizes for not trusting Adora. Adora. The Horde soldier. The soldier from the group of colonizers who were responsible for the death of Glimmer’s father. 

Ok sure. 

Consider how realistic this is. (Not that fantasy has to be realistic, but when you’re working with a narrative based on systemic violence, you need to at least be considerate of how this works in reality.) Adora has been trained to fight and kill Princesses and their allies. She’s been trained to take over Etheria and strategically destroy and/or take resources to weaken them. Yet she acts as if this is all news to her. Suddenly meeting the people she’s been trained to destroy causes her to repent, and suddenly the people who have been victimized forgive her and trust her within two episodes. 

Here’s what I think is going on here: given the current hyper-conservative political climate and rampant xenophobia in the world right now, white creators feel the need to put a white person as the hero as if they’re claiming, “See, this character--and subsequently myself--aren’t like those other bad white people!” They want a degree of separation from the reality that they have white privilege and are part of the problem. 

There is no truly “woke” white person. White people have been raised in a society where they benefit off the oppression of the chosen “other,” in this case black and brown people. Even if you do your research like I’m doing, you still will mess up. White people cannot rid themselves of privilege no matter how hard they try, because in this current society, the legacy of colonialism, imperialism, and racism have made it so that white people will ultimately be more successful and have more opportunities for success than others. (Also, there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, so even attempts to be considerate about taking advantage of laborers cannot be completely successful.) 

All of this results in a lot of White Guilt. Thus, we end up with narratives where the white colonizer character suddenly has a change of heart and fights against the system without really challenging the core mechanics that put that system in place. But fighting against oppression and violence doesn’t make a white person special--it just makes them decent. 

It also ignores the fact that white people, to be blunt, haven’t done shit to advocate for inclusion and equity compared to literally everyone else. I want to pull another quote from the Teen Vogue article:

[White saviors] perpetuate an idea that is essentially a historical banner of colonialism: People of color need white people to save them. To this day, some people still latently believe what imperialists such as Rudyard Kipling said, that colonialism was important for everyone: the conqueror and, most importantly, the conquered. That without the colonizers, the colonized had no hope of survival. And by constantly churning out movies with plots in which white people "save" people of color, Hollywood reinforces colonialist dictum.

Why does Glimmer think that they NEED Adora to be saved? Why is this white woman the only one who can do it? Sure, Adora has the power of She-Ra, but remember that giving Adora, a white woman, that power was a CHOICE made by the writers. They could have given the sword to someone else, they could have made Adora a PoC... but they didn’t. So suddenly, because Adora, ex-Horde soldier, is there, the Princess alliance can be reformed, people start working together, the rebellion is saved! etc. etc. etc.... 

So then it’s extra ironic (and honestly is pretty predictable given this White Guilt narrative) when the White Savior trope goes right along with The Colonizers Weren’t Actually Evil, Just Misunderstood.

This post is way too long so I’ll continue in the next part.