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#ANON I LOVE THIS SOS OS SO SO MUCH
fatuismooches · 10 months
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Okay. Imagining.
When Fragile!Reader went into a coma, Dottore hadn't thought to preserve anything about them. He didn't have recordings of their voice. He didn't have pictures of their eyes. He figured that kind of data was useless because he'd always have his assistant by his side at all times. When would he need pictures if he could just look at you? Why would he need recordings when you never seemed to shut up (not that he'd ever ask you to)?
But when you fell asleep, he hadn't realized just how long he'd be deprived of that wonderful sight and that beautiful sound. He thought it would be fine, he'd help them wake up and it would be back to normal... but nothing worked. Before he knew it, years had gone by with seemingly no progress. What color were your eyes again? He was starting to forget. What range did your voice have when you sang? He found it hard to recall.
This is why, when you finally woke up, he had such a reaction to seemingly nothing at all. When you first opened your eyes, he was starstruck by that hauntingly beautiful hue. When you finally spoke, even with your voice hoarse and quiet from misuse, his heart skipped a beat. He couldn't help but gasp for air as his lungs squeezed in his chest. How could he have forgotten? And more importantly, how did he survive so long without this?
As he finally held your hand after what felt like a millennia, he silently vowed to not only find you a cure but a way to make you immortal like him. There was no way he'd allow himself to be deprived of his lover ever again.
MY HEART IS HURTING SO MUCH I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THIS... this is literally canon bye. Also the sad thing about this is that it could totally happen considering the existence of erosion in Teyvat 🥺. Now I have even more brainrot of this happening to reader too and them slowly losing their sense of self and forgetting him 😭
Sniff... Dottore not bothering to keep any hard data of you because he has the real thing in front of him :( You were always glued to his hip, even if he wanted to get away (he doesn't) he couldn't, always faced with your lovely smile and pleasant voice. Beautiful body and soft touches. And he thinks, the best way to collect data is from the subject itself rather than anything else. Even if he were to preserve you somehow, would it ever compare to your being in real life? No, it wouldn't, and you'd always be here, so if he longed to hear your voice, he would simply go to you and hear it. If he wanted to see your eyes, he would go to you and kiss you to see them flutter and melt. If he wanted you, he would go to you. No need for anything else.
But now, now that this has happened, Zandik curses himself for being stupid. After all, what kind of scientist doesn't keep backups of their data? Yes, the real thing will always be the best, but what happens if the original is lost? Is hurt? Is no more? Zandik didn't think the absence of another person could affect him so much, but it does. You have such an... effect on him that drives him completely mad. His head hurts from the ringing silence instead of your voice that fills it. His eyes burn from the sleepless nights that you are not by his side. After you fall asleep, he writes stuff down, he truly does, filling up pages and pages so everything about you could be recorded, but reading all the detailed words in the world doesn't help him remember the exact hue of your eyes, or the exact tone of voice you used in different situations, or the once-familiar curve of your lips that he can't seem to remember the exact position of. A part of him despises himself for allowing himself to forget, he's the only one in Teyvat who remembers you, but at the same time he doesn't... but that doesn't make him love you any less. He may not remember that stuff... but he sure does remember how much time he spent with you.
Dottore's always wondered how he'd react on the day you finally wake up, he'll be delighted, of course, that goes without saying but would anything else happen? And oh, even he could not have predicted this possibility would occur. Those eyes, that voice, your smile, even while being sickly, you were truly the epitome of human beauty. The way everything about you acts as if he is the only person that matters. When he holds your hand, he feels you squeeze back ever so slightly, and he resolves himself once again. He really can't live without you... never again.
You're really confused as to why he's so attentive, yes there's your illness but that doesn't explain how much he studies you. How he always goes silent and watches you whenever you speak, even about dumb things, when years ago he would roll his eyes at your idiocy. How he likes to stare deep into your eyes without getting embarrassed, which was funny because he always broke away from eye contact in the Akademiya. You may never know, as he's never going to tell you about what he went through without your presence, but right now, he's never going to let that happen to either of you ever again.
I have another hc that sort of relates to this: I imagine Dottore felt indescribable emotions when you finally woke up and uttered his real name - "Zandik." Because really, no one has spoken it in over four hundred years. Perhaps he almost forgot what it sounded like, as he discarded that part of his identity long ago. Maybe he buried it so far back in his mind that he lost it, especially since it carried unpleasant memories. But you, when you spoke that forsaken name again... he truly felt like Zandik again.
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frecklystars · 18 days
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I might actually open my inbox for the first time in [undetermined specific amount of months] there’s over 500 unread asks in there ;-; I’m rly touched so many people have been reaching out to me even when I haven’t been here
#I was thinking today how it always used to help me when I’d ask for F/O reassurance and I’d get a flood of nice asks#an anon told me Luke would carry his butterfly knife on him to make me feel safe. and I never forgot that#that sticks with me dude I think about that EVERY TIME I see Luke#it makes me feel so safe with him in a way that I felt incapable of feeling safe with him before#another anon said Colt’s lovestruck expression towards Jody is how he’d look at me. and it helps me feel better 🥺😭#and I think about my signature anons and all of my friends and just generally really nice bloggers who follow and send support#and I miss that. receiving nice asks genuinely always helped me feel so much calmer during the storm#or turtle anon and clover anon going into depth about how Ken is built for love and not violence. and all the stuff they said based on that#it helps! everything people say to me helps me feel so much better with my F/Os#fic anon my beloved guardian angel in my inbox literally writing whole entire stories for me#<- btw fic anon if you’re reading this. I didn’t forget about my promise! I’m gonna doodle you something special#idk if you’ve sent anything recently I haven’t opened my inbox in a few months#but yeah anyone out there who’s ever sent me a nice ask. thank you so much#it helps me hold on a little longer if I think about all the nice things ppl say to me#orange heart anon and maple leaf anon my beloveds#sunflower anon the literal ray of sunshine that you are#anyone who’s ever left me nice messages I always remember and look back on them#esp because I spent SO LONG trapped with someone who would tell me how my F/Os would find enjoyment in hurting me solely bc they love me#and I learned that I’m only loved thru violence. and it’s so. hard. to try to unlearn that#but reading people telling me otherwise helps me a lot. and I need to get back into that#woof
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hihi its me, the anon from ur other blog (yknow, the selfship questions one) and i'd like to kmow bout ur f/os,(u can gush nd stuff, idk)
and also, i'm curious as to how they look like cuz you said that theyre humanised! :>
Eeeekk!!! Screams!!! I love sharing how they look so this is...very good question for me. This is a bit of a...long list so I'm putting it under the cut, though I'm going to try and not type more than like three sentences or less for each of them so it's mostly just gonna be pictures. But I'm just showin my humanized ideas for how my primary F/Os look, but I do have humanized headcannons for...I kid you not everyone in the franchise.
!!!Not all the art here is mine!!! For the art that is not mine I will be writing their respective credentials and what social media platform it was originally posted on. I tried to stick to using my art as much as I could but I don't have a lot of digital drawings of them, nonetheless ones I'm ready to reveal to the world haha(though some I'll gladly share)
Some of them, to try and keep this to my main F/Os that I've been exploding over lately and to try and keep this from getting lengthy, I intentionally left out, ex. M.ater, L.eland, R.od, S.trip, C.hick, the- the rest of my F/O list, you get the point!😅
I also used this as an opportunity to mention what I headcannon their heights to be >:)
If anyone would like a version of just the images and without the descriptions 100% let me know, won't be a bother one bit!!!
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For L.ightning I imagine something like this:
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By @/Laoian on Twitter. Except I picture him to have his hair closer to a shoulder-blade sort of length and him not quite as fit.
I'd imagine him around 5'6-5'7
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For F.ranceso(forgive me for the full-body one looking a little more messy/wonky, it's a lot older than the other one and is.. im quite nit picky about that drawing but its what I got. The other drawing is leaning towards a doodle/being really simplistic and quick) basically this:
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Ignore the color picks and whatnot, that was before I was smart enough to put those on a seperate layer JDNSJSJSJS
I'd say he's like 6'ft.
I had also posted a drawing of F.rancesco quite recently as well, I just didn't put it here cause he's got his helmet on and it's a close-up shot so you can't really see how he looks too well(it's one of my proudest drawings though!)
Also, this and this
please. PLEASE I cannot stress this enough this is just. THATS HIM!!
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I'm pre-appologizing(/half joking) for not having any normal drawings of F.inn, I don't know how all my digital drawings(that are colored) of him ended up being incredibly self-indulgent, I didn't even realize I did that till now! So I'm just doing this one for now(though I recently posted the art of me and him snuggling a bit ago on my blog. I'm quite stinkin proud of that one too!! One of my proudest, i think)
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F.inn :)
He's like 5'4, same height as me(Except I'm a liar and I'm really like 5'3 and a little bit).
I'm not good at drawing Grey in hair quite yet but. That. He's got salt and pepper hair(or whatverr you want to call it) except it's the Grey mixed in with. Whatever blue-ish haircolor that is that he's already got JSBDJAJDR.
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A.xlerod!!!
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I actually don't have a lot of colored drawings of him, which surprised me a bit, but I do have a tonnn of doodles of him aufbsifnskffj
He has a big overcoat and stuff :) and his button up shirt thingy is supposed to have a plaid-like pattern but I have no clue how to draw plaid quite yet 😅
He's basically the same height as me though! His facial hair is just kinda whispy fuzz, if that makes any sense. Kind of like a kiwi.
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G.rem and A.cer together! Cause they're inseparable JFNDJSN
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I adorrreeeEE this drawing of G.rem and A.cer, I take very much pride in this drawing I love sticking it in people's faces. G.rem on the left and A.cer on the right.
G.rem is like 5'6 and A.cer is 5'1.
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Annndd J.ackson!!
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By Jeno0305 on Twitter (I don't know what the writing says in the first image. I'm assuming the drawing of the person he's with in the first image is the artists version of G.ale, his driver/hauler)
I headcannon him to be 6'ft and pale as hell cause he just sits in his room all day and plays videogames(which is also canonical)
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Anndddd that's all!! I'm trying not to hyper apologize for the length😅 when I spill the beans everything in the can comes out!! But really thank you for the ask, really was tons of fun to answer :) I appreciate it! Felt good to get to ramble and babble a bit!
If anyone somehow read through all of this then I'm sending you a life time supply of your favorite food
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seiwas · 1 year
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𝐓𝐎: @crysugu
𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌: @soumies @shotorus
𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗 (𝟏): 𝐝𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐬! 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝, 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲. ఌ
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agerefandom · 1 year
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6, 7 and 8 for the ask game? -budgie on my shoulder what sins will she commit >:}
Probably the sin of tugging on your earrings I imagine!!!
Selfship Ask Game
6. do you have any f/os who also regress? to what ages do they regress?
Yes!!! So many regressor f/os!
I have platonic f/os that are just my babies and I have romantic f/os that I also am caregiver for and there's a lot of them I'm sorry!
My Babies: -Shigaraki Tomura (romantic) (regresses to basically all the ages but usually baby age) -Tate Langdon (complicated) (regresses to around,.. 4?? hard to say) -Delirium (queerplatonic) (no set age) -Morty Smith (platonic/parental) (regresses to 0-2, sliding) -Dave Strider (baby/playmate combo, flexible dynamic) (regresses to 5)
7. if you have f/os who also regress, what activities do you do together?
I regress with Dave and Jester, we're the only playmate combos: with Dave we watch TV and are mostly super low-key, drawing and stuff! And then with Jester it's usually a group activity with the whole Mighty Nein family, there's a bunch of regressors in there and it's just a playful chaos!
8. if you're a caregiver, how do you like to spoil your little one?
Attention!!! Kisses all over their wonderful faces!!! Roll them in a blanket burrito for maximum tickle kisses!
Paying attention to them and learning about how their favourites change when they're small and making sure their favourite snacks and activities are always around!
Unconditional love and a safe place to flop, or cry, or just come and watch some quiet TV while I make them supper and get them a juice box
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joestarkisser · 10 months
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All ur f/os talked to me and told me that they love u sm!! ❤️
WAH THANK YOU ANON!! ❤❤❤!!!
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gaysonlyocean · 1 year
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"adam look under there" "under where?" "haha made you say underwear!" proceeds to get MAD /j -silly
LOKJUHGRDESDTGYJIP;[PKIJUHGRDERFTGJILP;[PJGTFDJK CRIES
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kakusu-shipping · 8 months
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Happy birthday!!!! Apples and lemons? :D
Thanks Echo!!! (≧∇≦)ノ
Apples ✦ How long have you been self-shipping, in general? When did you find out about the self-ship community?
Like a lot of people in the Self Shipping community I've been Self Shipping sense I was VERY young, obviously before I knew what it was. I'd put my first conscious thought of Dating Fictional Character around 2nd grade probably? Summer after 1st, more specifically.
I found out about self shipping through a friend I had in 2017-2018 named Ven. I'd met them through the Little Nightmares OC fandom and was OBSESSED with their little Slime Person S/I and made an OC to ship with them (not knowing what an S/I vs OC was at the time)
They explained Self Shipping to me and encouraged me to pursue Fictional Crushes I had at the time that I wasn't confident in Self Shipping with for conflicting identity reasons, something I'm much more chill about now. (Ginko who I headcanoned as AroAce, Scorpia who is a canon Lesbian, etc)
I'm very thankful to them honestly! Even if they eventually decided they didn't want to talk to me anymore, I still think of them very fondly. I hope they're doing well.
Lemons ✦ What's your stance on sharing fictional others?
I'm so very passionate about this, I made a banner for it
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PLEASE tell me when we share F/Os and let me know if I can make your S/I and my S/I interact and canon together I LOVE a polycule and ABSOLUTELY wanna include you (general audience) in my self ship
Even if we can't be canon Metamours (people dating the same person but not romantically linked to eachother) I STILL want to hear about the F/Os we share and your self ship with them and your S/I lore and story and the ins and outs of your dynamic with the F/O and what you like about them and what you dislike about them and what drew you to them and everything tell me everything PLEASE
I LOVE sharing F/Os indiscriminately! With canon characters, with other self shippers, with people who just like them casually. Platonically, Romantically, Familiarly, any sort of in between or overlap or other secret 4th way to love a Fictional Other; I LOVE IT
PLEASE INTERACT IF WE SHARE F/OS
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I made that stimboard for welcome to the game 2. Seeing another welcome to the game 2 selfshipper makes so happy. I think u are very cool :DDDD
YOOOOOO OTHER WTTG2 SELFSHIPPER POGGGG!!!!! :D
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asherasgayagenda · 2 years
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Probs Kohaku or Aira.
anon you’re so neat for saying that (i agree)
ask game
#first of all anon sorry for taking forever tumblr reloaded and i lost all my tags :((#OKAY YOU SEE i feel like a mix of both#i AM the aira fanboy#but i'm also the tired of everyone's shit kohaku and the “wow the world sucks... but some people don't”#also in the there are things my friends should not know and do not need to know. about me#hey that got down real quick lets go back to aira#i think most of the time#i'm JUST LIKE HIM#maybe some of that imposter syndrome,some of that 'woah everybody around me is AMAZINg and i'm not'#HELP I DONT MEAN TO RAMBLE THERES ALSO THE POSITIVES they're just very deep characters i Lovee#aira's energy definitely#his naturally more cheerful personality his idolizing his 'falls-in-love-with-the-hot-basketball-club-memb- (gets shot)#(because i am a kohaai truther i'm gonna make it about Them)#his 'kohakucchi-is-so-cute-in-bunny-ears' his 'woah-kohakucchi-is-so-mature-and-cool-and-pretty'#hhhhhahhahshahaha OKAY THEN#kohaku's Little Things About Him#yeah i think i relate to him a bit less but he is still a precious guy in my heart#(SOOS SOS OS MUCH if it wasn't already obvious)#they r both my favs (i wonder why)#off topic but i got aira on a kin quiz once and was the HAPPIEST PERSON EVER#IT WAS SO hit me in the gut and right#but also the header that they used was really pretty#(IT WAS LVIING ON THE EDGE AIRA YOU CANT GET BETTER THAN THAT)#i have that ss somewhere it was SO accurate#oh god#is ashe rambling again#ANON IM SORRY I DONT EVEN THINK YOU READ ALL THE WAY HERE LMAO#SHUTTING UP#come back from the dive asks
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b14augrana · 3 months
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Hello, I absolutely love your platonic/teen reader fics/os
can you write one in which reader (18y old) is a player for Barcelona B and has never gotten along with Alexia since she was moved up to the first team. Alexia sees reader as irresponsible and not ready for the first team, as reader often arrives late to practice, etc. The reason behind reader's tardiness is that she has to take care of her three younger siblings, as her mom is an alcoholic and her dad left them years ago to live with another woman. Now reader is responsible for her siblings so they won't be separated. One day, a neighbor calls the police and separates reader from her siblings. Reader doesn't know who to turn to, and Vicky suggests asking the captain for help, but reader refuses because of her strained relationship with Alexia. However, Vicky accidentally reveals the situation to Alexia and the rest of the team, prompting Alexia to offer her help to reunite reader with her siblings. I hope you can include a line like "And you? You take care of everyone but I don't see anyone taking care of you," and reader responding with "I can take care of myself."
Thank you!
‘Ad Astra Per Aspera’ is done 🫶🏼
Thank you so much for the request anon, I’ve been waiting for a super angsty request and you gave me such a detailed one. Much love to you x
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miley1442111 · 3 months
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HEYY I WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED FOR THAT FIC WHERE RAFE HAD TO CHOOSE IT WAS PERFECTTTT SO MUCH MORE PERFECT THAN I WAS EXPECTING!!! THANK YOU SO MUUUUUUUCHHHH YOU SAVED MY LIKEEEE!!!!!
So... Since you saved and now im already in dept with you can I ask for another one??? Pleaseee!! If you dont like Its ok just ignore and If you feel uncomfortable IM SORRYYY.
It would be something like, Rafe gets into a fight as always and then the reader, his friend tries to break the fight and then the other person fighting Rafe says something like "YEAH LISTEN TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND/THEYFRIEND" and like every single person on the vicinity goes dead silent because everyone know you guys like each other but didnt realized yet and EVERYONE is scared of Rafe and also both of you have a partner, whos RIGHT there and will for now on live with the knowledge that: Since Rafe and Reader met, every other relationship they would have would be the runner-up.
Maybe Rafe and Reader trying to prove everyones wrong by sticking to the partners but its undeniable how the two are good for each other, how the always serious and scary Rafe looks like a normal funny happy guy when hanging out with the Reader who also goes from a quiet apathetic person ta burning sun.
Sorry this os too long 😭😭😭😭😭
Also i typed that listening to Entombed by Deftones
Byeee love youuuuuu
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waiting game- r.cameron
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a/n: welcome back light of my life anon. ur too cool i knew u listened to deftones bc only cool people can. thank you for requesting :)
pairing: rafe cameron x fem! reader, male oc x fem! reader, rafe cameron x female oc
summary: i suggest you look at the ask
warnings: kissing, toxic relationship, rafe is a bit of a fucking prick to Ava and reader, rafe is confused and a dick, cursing, underage drinking, drinking, suggestive mentions, reader is going through it, rafe is a crybaby, violence, creepy guy (I think that's it?)
not entirely proofread
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Rafe watched as you crossed the busy dance floor, two drinks in hand. Usually, one of those would be his, he was your best friend after all. But in recent weeks, you’d been becoming friendly with a pogue named ‘Elijah’. He hated him, seriously, he did. He was a piece of shit in Rafe's eyes, and somehow that made you like him more. 
You and Rafe had been friends since you were little kids, and you’d always brought out the best in each other. When Rafe was around you, he wasn’t a lunatic with raging anger issues and a god complex, around him, you weren’t the shy, quiet girl everyone knew you to be. It worked well, and you promised each other that you’d never bullshit each other. That meant; he’d never lie to you, and that you’d always tell it to him straight. It worked, and it worked well. 
So well in fact, that people usually assumed you were dating.
Years and years of being told by your respective friends and family that you two should ‘just date and put the entire island out of its misery made the idea even less appealing, at least to you. You always wanted to do the opposite of what you were told, and that meant never even thinking of Rafe in a romantic sense. Obviously, Rafe never thought of you like that either. He didn’t think about how sweet your lips would taste, how well you two fit together, how you brought out the best in him, or how much he loved you being around. He’d never think about how good calling you ‘his girlfriend’ was when he had to fend off assholes at the bar. He’d never even mention how good it felt to know he was your first kiss, and how you were his (courtesy of you two being very drunk 15 year olds). 
He never thought about any of that. That would be weird, right?
So he stood, his new girlfriend, Ava, hanging off of his arm as he watched you sit in Elijah’s lap. 
“Rafey,” she whined and he winced. He hated that name. “I’m so drunk!” 
She’d had a beer and two vodka lemonade’s he’d made with about one shot of vodka between the two, she wasn’t drunk. Ava was the perfect kook princess, and she was driving him crazy, but Midsummers was in three months, and his dad told him he needed someone respectable. That’s what he’d told you when he asked for candidates, though he must’ve failed to mention the way his dad asked him to bring you. 
“Ava, go sit down then,” Rafe shrugged her off of him. “I have to go talk to someone, ok?”
“You’re seriously leaving me here alone?” Her face formed a frown, but Rafe couldn’t find it in himself to give a fuck. 
“Yes,” he answered before walking off to find you. 
The last couple of months had been very freeing for you. You’d finally gotten over the crush you’d had on Rafe for years, and you were finally out having fun and really dating for the first time. You had your friends, and Rafe finally stopped scolding you like an old man every time you went out with the pogues, you made friends with more people from the mainland since you’d started to go to college there, and Rafe had a girlfriend, so he wasn’t constantly with you, making your crush come back. It felt good. Elijah was hot, and all you really wanted was to fuck someone, and he’d do just fine. Dark curly hair, big brown eyes, and if the semi he was sporting underneath you now was any indication, he was do just fine in the ‘fucking’ department. 
“So what are you studying?” he asked, taking another sip. The mixture of drink and smoke in the air made your head spin in the best way. 
“Journalism and English lit,” you answered, pressing your hand against his chest. “You?”
“Maths,” he answered and you laughed. 
“That’s unexpected,” you chuckled. He looked like he was a surfer boy, not a maths major. His dirt tank top, worn-in swim shorts, and salty skin. He was hot. He laughed with you as his hands travelled lower, grabbing your ass, and you didn’t even mind. 
“I know, right?” He smirked. 
“So why did you pick maths?”
“I’m good at it,” he shrugged. “And I got a scholarship.”
You nodded. “So can you do like, any maths question?” You knew it was low-hanging fruit in terms of flirting, but you really weren’t in the mood for trying very hard. It was late and you were pretty drunk. 
He nodded nipping at your lips with his own. Your conversation was long forgotten as your finger ran through his hair and he groaned into your mouth. He was a good kisser, despite his wandering hands, which were either on your ass or tits, but again, you didn’t mind. 
He pulled away with glazed, lust-filled eyes. “You wanna get out of here?”
You nodded, then pulled him back in to kiss you. 
“Y/n!” Jj’s voice rang out in your ear, and he started to tap you hard on the shoulder. “Eli!”
You pulled away, annoyed. “What?” 
“Rafe is beating the shit out of  one of Eli’s friends, can you talk him down please?”
“What?” Eli asked. “Who?”
“Josh,” Jj answered. “Let’s go Y/n, before Rafe kills someone ideally!” Jj said it in a sing-song voice to mask the truth in his words. Rafe had come very close to seriously hurting people before, and every year he was just getting stronger (thanks to his gym addiction and never-ending rage). 
You reluctantly got off of Eli’s lap and ran behind Jj as he led you to the scene. 
Rafe was beating the shit out of Eli’s best friend, Josh and he was not looking good. He was trying to fight back, but you could tell he was close to tapping out, though you also knew that Rafe didn’t do ‘tap-outs’. 
“Rafe!” You shouted as the circle of people silenced. “Stop being a fucking idiot, get off of him!” you grabbed one of his arms, angry now. Your nights were always getting ruined by Rafe, especially recently. He had no right to pull shit like this, it wasn’t fair that you always had to clean up his messes. 
“Yeah exactly, listen to your girlfriend!” Josh spat. 
The circle of people watching went dead silent, and phones stopped recording. Both you and Rafe froze. Josh dropped to the floor, and Eli walked him off without sparing you a glance. The moment was frozen, and you were stuck in place, staring at Rafe's eyes.
Rafe could always tell how you were feeling but he couldn't now.
And it scared the shit out of him.
After another moment of confusion and being frozen, you looked after Eli, and tried to walk after him, but Rafe grabbed your arm. 
“Can we talk ab-”
“No! You fucking asshole! Did you really need to ruin tonight for me? Seriously? Go fuck yourself Rafe!” You cursed, then turned to the crowd around you. “Rafe Cameron is not my boyfriend, nor will he ever be, the shows over folks, fuck off!”
And with that you ran off to find Eli and Josh. 
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Rafe was searching the party for you. You weren’t where Eli had been before, and he wanted to talk to you, to drag you away from that piece of shit. 
In all honesty, the past few months had been a very confusing time for Rafe. He’d started college (only because his dad asked him to), he’d gotten his first long-term (3 months so far) relationship, he’d gone off drugs for the most part, he’d started feeling things for you. 
His best friend. 
Not that he hadn’t realised it before, but you were just so… you. So gorgeous, so smart, so funny, all of you. It was proving to be an issue, so he’d stopped hanging out with you so much, at least until he could figure out what was going on. He was about 99% sure his feelings were platonic, because everyone felt this way for their best friend, right? Obviously. Totally. Maybe?
He crossed the dance floor, only to be met with the face of Josh, Eli’s friend. And he was talking about you.
“Yeah, Eli’s got the only fucking hot girl here,” He smirked. Rafe hated how he smirked. He hated how he looked. He hated everything about this man, the one he’d never even met. “I’ll ask him if he’ll share,” he laughed like a sleazy piece of shit, and so did his friends. 
“Excuse me,” Rafe tried to move past them, but Josh grabbed his arm.
“Oh shit! You’re the boyfriend,” Josh chuckled and Rafe didn't correct him. “Sorry dude, she’s all mine tonight.”
And that’s when Rafe’s right hand made contact with his face. 
----------------------
Rafe stood there staring dumbly at his bloodied and bruised hands. You’d never spoken to him like that, ever. Rafe knew he could fly off the handle, and he knew it annoyed you when you had to fix everything for him, but you’d never complain. Tonight. Tonight, it finally boiled over and you shouted at him. Like he was anyone. Like he wasn’t your best friend, your Rafe. 
“You ok?” 
Topper’s voice cut through the ringing in his ears. Rafe’s eyes were glossy with unshed tears and it was taking a lot of willpower to not scream and try to break something, or sob and run after you. 
“Fine,” he said, letters over-punctuated as he rolled his eyes, looking up to stop the tears from falling. 
“Rafey!” Fucking Ava. “Did you get into another fight over me again?” She sighed, faking anger. He knew she didn’t give a fuck if he fought, she only cared about what the fight was about. 
“No,” he answered, getting closer to her face, dwarfing her with his tall height. “Go away.”
She pouted. “Rafey-”
“Stop fucking calling me that,” He cursed, grabbing the wrist of her hand, which was reaching to touch his face. “Ava, go home.”
“You brought me here,” she mumbled. 
“Yeah, so find another way home,” he chuckled softly, delighting in making her feel small. 
Ava looked down, angry now. “You’re a piece of shit, you know that?”
Rafe just smirked. “But you’re still with me, so I must not be that bad,” he laughed in her face. “Unless it’s just your daddy issues-”
He was hit so fast he didn’t even know what had happened. 
“Don’t ever talk to her like that again,” Kiara scoffed, squaring up to Rafe. “Ava, you can get a ride with me, ok?” Ava nodded and walked off with Kiara as you appeared. 
Kiara’d hit him. And he’d deserved it. 
Kelce and Topper cleared off, they knew this was about you. 
“How’s Elijah?” He rubbed his red cheek. 
“Josh is fine, thanks for asking,” your voice was cutting and precise. 
“I asked about Eli,” Rafe growled, grabbing your hand. 
“And I answered about Josh.”
He chuckled. “Your friends suck.”
“Your girlfriend is a bimbo.”
Rafe smiled. “And she takes dick like a champ, what more could a man want?”
Your face went from mild annoyance directly to disgust. “I’ll see you later,” you scoffed, starting to walk off. 
“Wait, wait, wait!” He called after you. “I-I’m sorry, ok? I was an asshole, and I’m sorry. That was a gross thing to say, I’m drunk and I just got beaten up, can you please forgive me?” he begged. 
But you were still walking away from him, and he was losing you. He followed you through the hoards of people, pleading and begging for you to forgive him as he trailed behind.
Finally, on the most secluded area of the beach you turned to him with tears streaming down your cheeks, and he felt his heart break. 
“Fucking hell Rafe! Can you not just notice anyone else around you for once!? You just ruined my fucking chances with Eli, you just beat the shit out of someone, and you just treated your girlfriend like she was some fangirl, you think I was to be associated with you right now? Let alone with you right now?! Can you stop being so tunnel-visioned? Fuck’s sake!” You wiped your eyes. “I’m so sick of being your fucking babysitter, you’re older than me Rafe! Please act like an adult! Treat your girlfriend better and treat the people around you better!” You sighed. “Treat me better.” 
Rafe’s heart was breaking. He never wanted to hurt you, that was the one thing he’d sworn he’d never do. You were with him through everything, through thick and fucking thin. And he was treating you like this? This was unacceptable,and he felt so guilty he wanted to throw up. 
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, the tears finally falling. “I’m sorry.”
You nodded, crossing your arms over. “Where?! Where are you fucking sorry Rafe? Because all I keep seeing is empty fucking promises and bullshit excuses,” You groaned. “You think I want to be the one scolding you? You think I want to have to de-escalate situations for you? No! This was my one fucking night off from work too, and you ruined it.”
“I’m sorry,” he was breathing heavily, he’d never felt so shitty. 
“Rafe,” you sighed. “Please don’t say things you don’t mean.”
And with that you walked away. 
----------------------
You dialled Eli’s number and prayed that he would answer. 
“Hey,” he sighed. 
“I’m so sorry,” you immediately answered. “Can we still meet up?”
He sighed into the phone. “I’m not sure Y/n, you kind of seem… preoccupied with Rafe.”
Fuck. Yet another one of your relationships ruined by Rafe Cameron. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t see it?” he chuckled. “You two are perfect for each other. He’s like the most angry and uncontrollable guy I’ve ever seen, and you control him and calm him down by just breathing. And you were the most shy and quiet person I’d ever seen, but when I see you talking with Rafe, or just being around him, you’re so much more brave and extroverted. It’s seriously impressive. You two complement each other Y/n. You bring the real him out, and he brings the real you out. That’s beautiful, and i’m not going to be the person to fuck that up.”
You finally understood. Rafe loved you back. You loved Rafe. Simple. Why did you ever overcomplicate this?
“Ok, thanks Eli,” you sighed, then hung up. You were still angry with Rafe, but you needed to tell him, and you needed to go now.
When you turned around, you ran straight into someone, Rafe.
“I couldn’t just let you walk away, you were crying and-”
“I’m super pissed with you, obviously,” you interrupted. “But I love you, like, love you. And I have for a long time.” 
Rafe’s jaw dropped. That’s all he had wanted to hear his whole life, and he only wanted to hear it form your perfect lips. 
“I-I-I-” he took a deep breath. “I love you too.”
He went in for a kiss but you pushed him back. “I’m still pissed, and you still have a girlfriend.”
He nodded, agreeing. “Right.”
You pressed your lips to his cheek. He smiled. There was a moment of silence. 
“Tanneyhill?” he offered. You agreed, and you walked there hand in hand. 
While you weren’t together yet, you would be. 
And that was enough for the both of you.
----------------------
obx masterlist :)
navigation for my blog :) (criminal minds, obx, the bear, marvel, top gun, the hunger games, challengers :)
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eustasskidagenda · 11 months
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anon asked: Hi sweetie, My brain just can't get over the idea of Kid being pegged, I mean, everything is so 'grabable" on his body. So could you write an OS or drabble about this? With a female reader. Maybe Kid would have that kink after a certain time in their relationship, according to your NSFW alphabet. With maybe some overstimulation, hair pulling and spanking as additional kinks? And if it's possible, could you write this with Kid being pegged for the first time? I think it's can be interesting! Last, please, can you write him as extra tough/bratty but his attitude breaks bc he can't handle how good it feels. I hope my request was understandable, I don't know how to explain myself properly. Tysm for your time and anon please
Hi! Well, that was an interesting request! And you’re so damn right, Kid's body is so grabbable. It was quite fun to write, Kid is such a brat, I love him so much :D Sorry for the long wait (my back is still injured) and thank you for requesting, I hope I did the job correctly :D ☆
☆Eustass Kid getting pegged for the first time
CW : MDNI, smut, f!reader, pegging, overstimulation, hair pulling, spanking, praises (bc Kid lives for praises), established relationship, Kid has a filthy mouth, Kid is a big brat, kind of virginity loss kink I guess (?), fingering & oral sex (Kid receiving), dirty talk, rough sex
WC : around 4K. I know it's really long, but I wanted to develop a bit Kid's mindset. Hope you don't mind the length!`
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Kid is everything, but not submissive. It's written on his face, and the moment you met him, you immediately knew that he would always be in control of absolutely everything. Including in the bedroom. And you never tried to change that, because Kid knows what he's doing. You crave the sensations of his hands gripping your waist and his huge body pressing against yours. However, in the back of your mind, a fantasy always refused to leave your spirit. Your giant, hot-headed boyfriend, moaning and begging while you fuck him. So, once, you tried to talk him about pegging, and you earned nothing, but a dark, mad scowl and a "no" yelled loudly."I'm not a wimp, y/n, no one will ever fuck me. I ain't no bottom bitch." That's what he said. And you know Kid is a stubborn mess, so you never tried to bring the subject up again.
It was five years ago. 
Your mind is still filled with this fantasy. So, a few days ago, you tried again to convince your stubborn boyfriend. It was in the middle of a passionate make-out session, and you caught him off-guard. Initially, you believed that he would yell at you once more. However, he simply scowled and frowned. "You're so goddamn stubborn, I thought you would forget about this stupid idea." And then, he shrugged. "You better take the bigger size, I'm not a fucking pussy." 
You still don't realize that he actually said 'yes'. In his language, with a lot of cursing and arrogance, but he did accept. It took him five years to gain sufficient trust in you. What a challenge. That's what you think as you relax on the huge bed and read a book that Kid stole for you. You're waiting for him, actually. Kid is probably locked in his workshop, working on some random weapon or new arm improvement. 
Suddenly, the door hits the wall. "You're not sleeping yet?" He asks, closing the door behind him. He's still wearing his goggles and his lips are painted with your favorite red lipstick. And on his skin, some stains of oil. "Gonna take a shower, I'll be right back soon." You laugh softly. "Fine, but don't remove your makeup yet." He mutters 'I don't take orders from anyone' before slamming the door once more.
When he comes back with make-up still on his face, you can't help but smile. He listened to you. Locking the door with a kick, Kid drops his heavy coat on the ground, cracks his neck, and crawls on the bed. He immediately wraps his hands around your waist. "Come here. I want to fuck my pretty girlfriend." He sits you on his lap and holds your hips firmly. As he smears his lipstick on your neck, you shudder and put your face against his neck. Kid slides his hand and firmly gropes your ass. "Mine," he growls, squeezing your bottom. "I want to see that pretty ass, undressed and get on all fours," 
You raise an amused eyebrow. "No, I won't." He scowls, irritated by your teasing expression. You roam your hands along Kid's broad chest. "You're the one getting on all fours this time." He scoffs. A low chuckle rumbles up from his chest as he gazes at you. "You're being feisty tonight?" He squeezes your ass tighter. "No. I didn't forget what you said. I chose the larger size. So, will you let me fuck you?" 
Totally flushed, Kid scoffs once more. "Goddam, y/n" You can almost see the gears of his brain working quickly. "Why are you so obsessed with this thing?" He groans, still holding your cheeks and squeezing them like if it were a stress ball. "Because you're hot. And you know where your prostate is, right, Eustass?" Kid scowls at you. "I'm not stupid, y/n." You gently touch the corner of his lips with a kiss. "So let me pleasure you." 
You take off his goggles and his red hair falls free on his forehead. He's as beautiful and fierce as ever, gazing at you with his amber eyes. He forces you to sit on his lap while he thinks. And his laps make quite a beautiful throne to sit on. Your heart is racing and you're hoping Kid won't change his mind. You need to see that large, massive body, shivering under your touch. There's something so exciting about the idea of fucking such a big, tough, and rude man as Kid. "Y/n, I swear on everything I have: if you ever try to tell to anyone what I'm about to do… I'll fucking kill you. And I'm not even kidding."
Damn, you know he's not kidding.
Kid cares way too much about his reputation. He's so touchy and sensitive whenever someone tries to deny his status or powers. So, abandoning his dominant position is not easy for his stubborn mind. He must really cares about you. Your dear captain only knows the hard way. His strong spirit was the only thing he had as a poor child, when he used to fight for almost everything. That's why he toughens up so much. Right now, he seems much more human. There's a hint of anxiety in his eyes. Maybe he loves you, but people have betrayed him so many times, he can't help but be a bit distrustful. "Eustass, I won't tell anyone, even Killer. It's between you and me, I swear. " Kid sighs deeply. " Goddam woman… fine." 
Relieved, you kiss his lips softly. As a punk, Kid always craved for non-conformism. You noticed really soon that he was always curious to try things considered 'weird' by society. But you never thought he would let you peg him. Your heart is brimming with excitement, pride, and impatience. You squirm to escape the strong grasp of your boyfriend and reach for the nightstand .Kid watches closely as you grab the lube and the strap-on. You didn't lie; you chose the larger size. Kid glances at the toy for a long moment, but remains quiet. 
"Alright, come here and lie back." Immediately, Kid raises an eyebrow. "You want me to take orders from you? Ain’t no fucking way" Ah yes. Kid. Constantly bratty and hot-headed. "Come on, Eustass." You gently try to push him on his back, but he doesn't move, struggling with his inner thoughts. "Let me pleasure you." As you press your palms harder against his chest, he snarls and eventually lies back, completely tensed. You reach for his belt and he pushes your hand. "I can do that myself," he grunts, taking off his shirt, unbuckling his belts and unbuttoning his pants. 
Damn, what a sight to watch at Eustass Kid's naked body. Muscular shoulders, broad and toned chest, abs as hard as the stone, big and grabbable thighs, and that perfect muscular, round booty. "Your name is so accurate, Eust-ass", you laugh as his face turns as red as his hair. "Shut up and do your fucking job," he barks aggressively. He's trying to hide his flustered state. How cute.
Your hand reaches for his already hard cock and you firmly wrap your hands around the thick girth. Kid bucks his hips, eager for more friction. "You're so hard. Are you actually turn on by the situation?" His cock twitches in your palms. "You know what? You should shut the fuck up. Why won't you suck my cock?" He grins and grabs your hair. Damn, even now, he can't help but give your orders. Kid smirks as you comply, content with himself. "That's it, take it all." His cock is throbbing with needs as he pushes deeper down your throat. You can already taste his pre-cum in your mouth.
You keep sucking him while reaching for the lube, spreading it on your fingers, and guiding your fingers against his tight hole. Kid tenses automatically. "Just do it, I'm not a pussy," he mutters. With a wet sound, you remove his cock from your mouth. "Eustass, just to be sure: have you already been fucked in the ass before?" 
Now, even his neck is red. "Hell no. Do I fucking look like a guy who likes being fucked all the fucking days?" He snarls, his pride stinging. His thoughts are filled with lust as he feels your hands on him, making his heart race. "Now what?" You don't answer and continue to run your hands along his muscular thighs, grabbing them to widen his legs. "You're so pretty for me." Kid lets out a low, growling sigh, his cock twitching with the need. "Don't call me pretty. And fuck me, I'm dying of impatience" 
"Fine, fine. You're needy." You gently tease him, spreading his ass cheeks to take a look at this hole clenching around nothing. Eustass tenses under your touch. "Don't fucking look at my ass like that" he growls, squirming nervously. "Why not?" You whisper, kissing his inner thighs and squeezing his muscular flesh. With your lips, you trace all of his scars and curves. "Because I'm not some fucking object for you to gawk at!" Kid roars, shoving your hands away from his ass. "Now, are you going to fuck me or what?"
You can't help but chuckle. He's such a hot-headed mess. Even more stubborn, yelling and aggressive than usual. Your poor boyfriend is really flustered and turned-on by this situation. The unknown is something he finds unpleasant because he can't control it. "Don't worry, I'll fuck you soon. Let me prepare and stretch you first." You're rubbing your fingers against his entrance, as you say. "Prepare me?" He sneers, his voice thick with disbelief and irritation. "I'm not some delicate flower" He continues to protest, but his heart is racing at the thought of being filled with the massive strap you choose. "Stop being so bratty." You sigh, apply more lube to your fingers, and spread it on Kid's entrance. " Just breathe and relax for me." You gently push two lubricate fingers inside him. His warmth and tightness immediately surround you. With a shiver, Kid groans and grabs the bedsheets. His head, neck, and shoulders are all flushed. 
Kid groans as you keep teasing the tip of his cock with your free hand. The double-stimulations is too much for his body to handle. You gently push your fingers deeper, savoring your boyfriend's low grunts and how he clenches around you. So needy already. "You're doing okay, babe?" You ask teasingly, curling your fingers and rubbing his prostate. Kid grabs the bedsheets tightly. Right now, he looks so vulnerable; he doesn't have his prosthetic arm. Just his bare body covered with scars and his big thighs trembling crazily. "Don't call me 'babe'" he grunts, bucking his hips against your hands, eager for more of your touch. It's almost hilarious how hard he tries to hide the moans of pleasure that threaten to escape his lips. "Look like you're enjoying yourself" you tease, stimulating his prostate. "Fuck!" Kid groans, his body arching off the bed. "Just get it over with, I can't get much fore of your goddamn teasing!" he growls, his voice laced with need. 
Eustass 'Captain' Kid is finally begin to break down.
That is so fascinating to watch such a big and scary man, so needy and almost begging for more. Begging to actually be fucked. You continue to finger him and he yells, his eyes rolling back in his head as the sensation shot straight to his cock. The pre-cum is leaking onto your fingers and his stomach as his member throbs in your hand. Kid's body trembles, betraying his arousal despite his best efforts to maintain control and the tough boy-attitude. "Just fuck me," he growls impatiently. 
"Okay. Then, get on your hands and knees." You demand, taking your fingers off. "No." 
"Why, no?" 
He frowns. Of course. He won't obey. No one can commands the great Eustass "Captain" Kid. You sigh, half-amused and half-annoyed by his stubbornness. Despite his dislike for orders, what if you simply guide him with your hands? Perhaps he will comply. Holding his hips with firm yet gentle hands, you attempt to roll him onto his stomach. But you can't move his big, heavy body if he's not willing to obey. Kid glances at you for a long time, and when you finally break the eye contact, he huffs and rolls on his stomach. Your heart is racing at the sight of his muscular back. Some scars are running down his spine. Both the small of his back and his ass are incredibly juicy. You can feel yourself becoming increasingly wet as you imagine the moment you will finally fuck him and drive him crazy. 
Still with your hands, you try to move him on all fours. Kid growls and arches his back. But he can't really stay on all fours with his missing arm, so he ends up with his head buried in the pillow and his ass perfectly raised in your direction. The position he's in is so helpless and vulnerable that it makes your throat feel a bit dry. He must really trust you to be so exposed. "You can breath at least?" He turns his head. "Of course I can, just fuck me."
He glances across his shoulders as you put on your strap-on and spread some lube on the fake cock. Kid asked for it to be both large and long, and it is. His spirit of competition is quite amusing, but you hope he'll be fine. You give a playful spank to Kid's amazing, muscular ass and enjoy the nice jiggling. It's only fair to give him a light spanking because it's his favorite activity when you're on all fours.
By pressing on the small of his back, you force him to bend more, enough to spread his ass cheeks without your hands. Then, you gently rub the cockhead of the toy against his tight entrance. Kid eyes roll back in his head as he feels the cold rubber head pressing against his hole. "Hurry up and fuck me, damn it! He grumbles with a voice full of desire and impatience. His cock throbbing between his legs shows that he's ready. "Just relax and let me in," your orders before starting to push the massive toy inside him. "Fuck", Kid hisses out between clenched teeth, his body shuddering from the intrusion. He tries to manage his breathing, and he feels the thick head of the dildo stretching his entrance further. "Shit…" he cries out, as the cockhead finally passes his tight ring of muscles. His body instinctively fights back. You soothe him with one hand while gripping his hips firmly with the other. "Just breathe, Eustass. You're doing so good. Just a little more and it will all be inside. " Kid grabs the bedsheets with his hand, his whole body shaking and covered in a slight coat of sweat. As Kid finally relaxes, you manage to push the big toy deeper into him.  "You're taking me so well, Eustass." You purr, watching the thick girth of the strap sink completely inside him, stretching his ass widely. "That shit is so fucking big," he groans out, his body shaking with the sensation of being filled so deeply. His ass walls are tightly clamped around the toy. "That's what you wanted" you laugh playfully, squeezing his ass. You can’t believe you’re finally filling him up to the hilt.
"Shit! I know. Just fuck me, I can handle it." Even as it overwhelms his senses, he cannot deny the pleasure that surges through him. Seeing him with a completely flustered face would be wonderful, but you know that he's probably more comfortable that way, with you taking him from behind. If you are unable to see his expressions, he may be more willing to let it go and indulge in the pleasure.
Your entire body is aching. It's too much for you. Kid is so perfect, so pretty, on all fours for you. His muscular body offers to your hands and thrusts. You had no idea that he would allow you to realize one of your most significant fantasies. Now, you have to take good care of him and prove to him how good it can be to be fucked. Maybe he will accept to do it again if he's convincing enough.
You gently start to thrust, sliding in and out with ease thanks to all the lube. The amount of lube is making some wet, obscene sounds with each thrust. Kid grunts, almost moans and tries to hide it behind a curse word as you move your hips. Your hands move from his waist to his ass, and you grab it firmly. You spank the firm flesh playfully. "So perfect" you whisper while thrusting. Kid groans lowly as you continue to plunge the toy into his ass. "You look so beautiful when I’m inside you." Kid sighs. "Can you stop babbling and actually starts to fuck me for real?" He tries to keep his moans under control, his teeth tightening tightly. 'Fuck," he mutters, his voice thick with need and desire. " Damn Eustass, you're taking me so well. You're so beautiful, I-"
" Harder " Kid grunts, silencing you. " I can take it, fuck me harder." You give another spanking to his ass, which slowly turns red. Kid bites the bedsheets, smearing his lipstick everywhere on the pillow and on the mattress. As you speed up your thrusts, Kid bites the bedsheets more firmly to muffle his moans. The sensations are too intense, the pleasure is too overwhelming for his poor mind. He can't think clearly, and is slowly starting to lose his tough-guy attitude. It's tempting to tease him about his pretty, husky moans. He's such a whimpering mess. But you shut up. It's obvious to you that he would feel mocked and humiliated. And you want him to trust you. It's beautiful to watch him indulge in a new world of sensations. With each hard thrust, the inner ring of the strap grinds against your clit, and you moan as well, digging your nails into Kid's ass. "You should see how your hole is swallowing all of me." The mind totally dizzy, your boyfriend doesn't react and just bucks his hips, eager for more friction, more roughness. "Yeah yeah i get it; you love my ass. Just fuck me harder," he begs again impatiently. His body is trembling as his mind still tries to fight against the pleasure washing over him. His cock twitch violently, releasing pre-cum as it throbs in response to your thrusts. "Fuck," he repeats, moaning. Burying his head in the pillow, he bites it. You know, his lipstick is probably all over the white bedsheets. You spank his ass playfully, speeding up your thrusts. "Damn, you were right Eustass, you're taking me so well. You like how wide it stretches you?"
The slapping sounds of the skin fill the room as Kid turns into a whimpering, almost whiny mess. It's difficult for him to handle how good you're stretching him and how nice the toy is rubbing his prostate. You continue to thrust, chasing your own highs. The rubber ring is stimulating your clit just nice, not to mention the amazing view of your boyfriend on all fours and at your mercy. The fake balls of the toy slaps against Kid’s balls. With one hand, you still hold his hips firmly. With the other, you pull on his hair, fucking him deeper. His face is completely red, his eyes are almost wet, and his lipstick is smeared on his chin and cheek. Amazed by this sight, your pussy ache in need. You already know how beautiful Kid looks when he can't handle how tight your cunt is. But that. It's beyond all expectations. The slight pain from his hair being pulled and his ass being spanked only add to his arousal, his cock throbbing with need. All he can mutter is a long, long strand of'shit' and 'fuck'. 
Kid buries his head back in the pillow after you release his head. His ass is red from both your spanking and the roughness of your hips when slamming against his. Amazed by the way his body is completely swallowing the toy, you too moan. You reach for his chest, squeezing his large tiddies. Your breast bounces crazily with each hard thrust and Kid's body just jolts of pleasure. You know he won't take much more. So you reach for his cock and as soon as you touch it, Kid cum violently, arching his back, curling his toes and making a mess on the bedsheets. The pleasure just washes over him. But you don't stop, still chasing your own highs. "Fuck!" Kid groans again, his body shuddering from the intense release. His massive frame falls stomach-first on the bed. The friction between his sensitive cock and the mattress is causing him to squirm and jerk. "Damn, Y/N!" He grips the bedsheets more tightly and pants heavily. The way you're overstimulating his sensitive walls and prostate is too much to handle.
"Almost there", you whisper, and finally, you feel the pleasure running through your veins. Your loud boyfriend can't help but cum once more, his eyes rolling back in his head, short-circuited by his second orgasm. You continue to give him some sloppy thrusts, making him squirm and cry out. "You're amazing," you whisper before finally pulling out the toy carefully. With a loud 'plop', you completely pull out the toy, leaving Kid with a gaping hole.
'You're okay?' You whisper, stroking his back gently and playing with his hair. "Hmph. That wasn't that bad" he admits, his chest heaving up and down. Your fierce boyfriend struggles to glance at you and keeps his head buried in the pillow. Despite the intense pleasure he'd just had, his pride is swollen. You gently kiss his lower back, leaving a trail of kissing along his spine. "You were amazing… so beautiful and perfect for me…" Kid grunts slowly. At the moment, he only needs praises. He cannot deny how good it was. And his mind is tortured. What does it mean? Is he still the same for you? Does he look less manly now? Or cruel, maybe? Ashamed, Kid slowly manages to relax as you keep praising him. "You're alright?" You ask, kissing his neck. "Yeah." He grumbles, still trying to catch his breath, and finally rolls onto his back. You take off the strap-on and leave the bedroom, just for a moment. When you came back with a wet cloth, Kid didn't move at all. Without any words, you clean him. "Are you hurt anywhere?" He shakes his head. "No. I fucking lost my arm, I can handle having my ass pounded, damn." He groans. "Alright, alright. Just move your ass then, let me change the bedsheets."
Kid struggles to comply, barely standing up on his shaking legs. After you're finished, he returns to his bed. "Are you joining me or what?" With a chuckle, you comply, pressing your naked body against his. Kid wraps his hand tightly around your waist. "I love you, Eustass" you whisper close to his ear. The confession brings his heart racing. "Of course you love me." 
He rolls on his side in silence. You know exactly what he wants, so you wrap your arms around his large body. "My big boy loves to be the little spoon," you laugh and he grunts a 'shut up'. 
His hand reaches for yours and intertwined your fingers. 
"Why are you smiling?" Kid asks as he feels you smile against his back. "Nothing." 
You're just so proud of your stubborn, hot-headed boyfriend. And proud of how your relationship just evolved. Kid is always hard to understand and you never know if he loves you, but those kind of moments… it eases all your doubts. You're overjoyed to have the chance to see the vulnerable, human Kid. He can sleep comfortably. You won't tell anyone about it; it was too precious, you want to keep it to yourself. 
"Alright, just smile then, he grumbles", still holding your hand.
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togamicchi · 7 months
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could u do os tan pixels ? ^w^
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Anon i had no idea what os tan was until now and i love it so much thank you for the discovery you are amazung
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imabeautifulbutterfly · 6 months
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A glorious idea has spawned in my brain
Hunter x Criminal!reader where they have a Batman/Catwoman relationship, however this time Omega meets the reader and absolutely adores her so the reader decides to stick around a bit (despite Hunter's protests). During this time, the reader and Omega form a mother/daughter and Hunter secretly loves it and falls for the reader everytime he sees her with Omega
Hello my lovely anon,
Thank you for such a fantastic request. I hope I did your request justice. The setting is Season 1 of Bad Batch, so hopefully you don't mind too much. I wrote with f!Criminal!reader, hope that's okay. Reader has a nickname.
Enjoy.
Also, since this isn't part of the Fic Roulette request, it'll be filed under the One Shots Master List. It's a little longer almost at 2400 words.
Love oo,
Not Ready
Warnings: Slight thieving, Omega in danger, dangling from a tower, banter, angst, fluff, shooting, dangerous driving, I think that's it. If I miss any please let me know.
Part Two
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“Give it back, and we can just both walk away.”
You twirled the rather large knife in your hand, “Hmmm, no.”
Hunter clenched his fists, “I said, hand it over.”
“And I said no.” You smirked underneath your mask, the only thing visible on your face were your eyes. Eyes so full of cockiness, determination and experience. “I gotta ask though, why so long?” You chuckled, “Compensating for something?” You flipped it back and forth in your hand, twirling it around your palm and the back of your hand. “Has good weight.” You smirked as you arched your brow, “If you know what I mean.”
“I don’t have time for your nonsense!” Hunter looked behind, sensing the Imperial troopers closing in, he let out a sigh, and before you even realized what was happening he tried to stun you. 
Unfortunately, he missed thanks to your ability to sense when danger was imminent. Without even thinking your body back-handspringed away from the blue stun blast. “That was rude.”
“Listen, I need to get to my sister, and I don’t have time to mess around!” Hunter could hear Tech on his comms as he described Omega hanging from the tower. 
“Your sister’s in trouble?” All teasing and flirting died on your lips as soon as you heard that.
“Yes!”
You nodded and tossed the knife back to the chiseled red-bandana wearing man in front of you, “Let me help.”
“No. You’ve helped enough.” His tone full of annoyance and frustration. He grabbed the knife and took off running towards Omega, ignoring the pang of regret from his tone. It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t know he was running to help Omega. Yet, the frustration from having to waste even a minute on you was more than enough to make him worry about Omega’s safety and that’s all that mattered. 
His feet came to a sudden halt when you appeared in front of him with a speeder bike, “Hop on!”
“What?”
“Just … I feel bad, ok! Now shut up, and get on!”
He didn’t delay, jumping on the back of the speeder holding on to your waist tightly as you weaved through traffic.
“Where is she?” You shouted over the noise of the air rushing past your ears. 
Hunter didn’t respond and simply pointed to the person dangling from the tower, as another helmeted person neared her position. 
You sped up the speeder, you’d know Fennec’s helmet anywhere. You weaved and dodged against the oncoming traffic, almost as though you could see where and when the next vehicle was going to be turning or shifting. Your heart nearly dropped as you saw the tiny person slip, driving faster and more dangerous to catch her in time. 
Hunter reached out his hand and grabbed a hold of Omega’s in midair, tossing her onto his lap, pinning her between the two of you. “You okay, back there?” You shouted to make sure everyone was safe as you saw Fennec jump down and commandeer a vehicle of her own chasing after the three of you. 
“We’re fine. Get us out of here!” He shouted as he quickly checked over Omega to make sure she was uninjured and safe. He couldn’t see much from how she was clutching to his chest plate, but it didn’t seem like she was in pain either. 
“You got this?”
“What?” 
“I’m asking if you know how to drive a speeder?”
“Yeah! Why?” He didn’t clue in to what you were preparing to do until you flipped over him and landed on Fennec’s vehicle.
“Hey gorgeous!” You smirked as you looked at her.
“Ugh! Should’ve known you’d be here.” Fennec answered, rolling her eyes as she tried to keep her eyes on her target.
“Wasn’t supposed but I sort of owed him one. Back off.” You stood aiming your blaster into the hood.
“No can do, little Butterfly.”
Force you hated that nickname, somehow it had stuck among the bounty hunters and assassins, simply because you were quick and light on your feet. Dazzling them with your antics and before they even realized you slipped out of their sight, blending into the crowds more often than not. 
“Fennec, I like you, but you need to back off!”
“What’s in it for you?”
“Nothing.”
“I’ll split the reward with you, if you help me capture the little girl.”
You tried to stay balanced as Fennec tilted the vehicle side to side, “You disappoint me, going after a child.”
“Jobs a job, honey.”
You shook your head, “I warned you,” you shot your blaster into her engine, jumping off onto a nearby transport, watching as her engine began to sputter. She jumped to safety standing on the closest terrace she could find, as she watched you and her target move further away. You jumped down, finding your way back to the ground, hoping from one transport to the next. 
Once you touched solid ground, you looked back up to see Fennec turn and walk away. ‘Until next time, gorgeous.’ You mumbled as you headed back to the marketplace, before you even got five feet away, you felt your body jerk forward as tiny hands wrapped around your waist. You looked down to see the blonde girl, the rather striking man had rescued, his sister. 
“Uh… thanks, kid. I think…” you giggled as you pulled her arms away from you. 
“You saved me!” She beamed with a brilliant smile as she looked at you.
“I think your brother did that. I just drove.” You subtly shook your head, subtly moving away from the overwhelming bundle of joy.
“She has a point,” Hunter offered, “if you didn’t show up with a speeder when you did …” you could tell on his face he didn’t want to think about what might’ve happened.
“Listen, Fennec would’ve come up with something. She’s a bounty hunter, but she’s a fairly decent one. Anyway I’m glad you’re safe,” you patted the little girl’s head, “take care of yourself and your brother. Seems like he gets into trouble easily.” You turned to walk away when she gripped your fingers.
“Come with us.” She pleaded looking at you with big eyes that were asking for more than you were prepared to give, or have given to anyone since you could actually remember. It was nice to feel needed, but it was too much. 
Hunter wanted to grab Omega and pull her away from this woman who showed up, and was constantly surprising and making him feel uneasy at every turn. “Omega, we don’t know her circumstances. She’s probably already committed to something else, right?” Hunter narrowed his eyes on the helmeted woman in front of him, not wanting her to take the invitation Omega offered.
You’ve seen that look a thousand times before. It said everything that really mattered, you weren’t welcome, and he wanted you to leave as soon as possible. 
“Don’t worry,” you started keeping your eyes locked on the man standing behind Omega, “your brother is right, I’m … currently … occupied with other matters.” You smiled as you turned your attention to Omega, and kneeled before her, “Omega, right?”
She nodded, not letting your fingers go. 
You smiled and pulled out a collapsable vibroblade, “This is Vala,” you flicked your wrist and opened the vibroblade, “my father gave me this when I was about your age, he told me ‘this galaxy is full of good and bad people. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad, and sometimes there are too many bad, you won’t be able to find a good one. Vala, will always be there to protect you.’” You turned her hand palm-up and placed the vibroblade in her tiny hand. “It will protect you. Ask your brother to train you on how to use it. Never rely on someone else to save you, in this galaxy, sometimes the only person you can count on is yourself. Take care, Omega.” You ruffled her hair one more time, before standing up and walking away without looking back. 
It felt strangely comforting to be wanted, even if it was for a brief second. 
“Wait!” Hunter shouted, causing you to turn around, “We left your speeder that way” he pointed over his shoulder, you couldn’t help laughing.
“Don’t worry about it, handsome, it’s not mine.” You smiled and walked away.
Omega turned to Hunter, a saddened smile on her face, “Why couldn’t she come with us?”
“Omega,” Hunter kneeled, “we don’t know who she is. Whether she can even be trusted? It’s best if she goes her way and we meet up with Wrecker, Echo and Tech.”
“But…”
“Omega, I know you have a good heart, but you’re too trusting. It’s best if we keep a low profile and avoid entangling ourselves with people we don’t know. Come on, we gotta meet back up with the others.”
He guided her back to the hangar trying to avoid the Pantoran police force and the troopers that seemed to be searching for someone. 
Omega kept watching as one Pantoran guard held up a picture to a passerby, it was a picture of you. She pulled on Hunter’s sleeve and pointed to the Pantoran’s datapad. 
“They’re looking for her.”
“We should go…” Hunter tightened his grip on her hand, but she refused to move.
“We have to help her.”
“We don’t know why they’re looking for her. She could be a wanted criminal or a murderer, a thief.”
“Hunter, please. She saved me, it’s the least we can do.”
He looked at the picture and commed Wrecker, “Wrecker, where are you?”
“Just entering the marketplace right now, why?” 
“I need you to take Omega back to the ship, I …” he turned his head to look at Omega, “I have to repay someone who helped us get Omega back.”
Wrecker walked through the crowd faster than the others as people naturally moved out of his way, he stood in front of the both of them, tilting his head. “Who, you helping?”
“Don’t worry about it, just get Omega back to the ship and tell Tech we need to take off the minute I get back. Make sure Echo makes it back to the ship too. We may have to get out of here faster than expected.”
“Copy that” Wrecker picked up Omega and had her sitting on his shoulder as he headed back to the hangar with her. 
Hunter could hear the comm chatter between Wrecker, Tech and Echo. He let out a huff and shook his head, this was just asking for trouble. He ran back, heading the way you were walking. It wasn’t long before he found you sitting at a cafe sipping on something warm. 
“Came back to tell me you love me?” You teased him.
“Came back to tell you, you’re in danger.”
“Shocker.” You didn’t react or flinch, as you kept your eyes locked on the man’s eyes. 
“I need to know, are you a murderer?”
“No.”
“Do you have a bounty on your head with some crime boss or something?”
“No.”
“Then get up” he grabbed your arm and forced you to stand, grabbing your helmet as he pulled you along, running behind him. 
“Wait… hey!” You stopped in your tracks and pulled your arm out of his hold, “Who the hell do you think you are, pulling me like that? You know I have the right …” he put a hand over your mouth and pushed you into a darkened alley, hiding you with his body as a Pantoran patrol passed the two of you.
“They’re searching for you, and not just the police. The Imperial troopers are looking for you too.” He stepped away and handed you your helmet, “Listen, I don’t care what happens to you, but Omega was worried, and I’m not going to disappoint her. You’re warned. So you can either go back out there and try and avoid whatever trouble you got yourself into or…” he let out a sigh regretting the words that were about to come out of his mouth, “You can come with us and we can drop you off somewhere.”
“Us?”
“My brothers, Omega and myself.”
“Why are you helping?”
“Like I said, I don’t want to disappoint Omega. So what’s it going to be?”
You looked at him and then at the increased patrols you hadn’t realized were slowly filling up the streets, they all seemed to be looking for you. You closed your eyes and tapped your helmeted head against the wall, “Alright. I’ll trust you. Lead the way.”
He stepped closer to you, “I’m taking a chance on you, you put any of us in danger, and you and I are going to go another round, understood?”
You narrowed your eyes at him, “Fine. What do I call you anyway? Because I don’t think ‘stuck up jackass’ would work.”
“It’s Hunter, and what do I call you? Because I don’t think ‘crazy tooka’ works.”
You smirked as you looked at him, “You can just call me Butterfly. Hunter.”
“Fine. Now let’s go. Butterfly.”
“You know I’m not as bad as you think.”
“And hell is just a sauna, shut up and follow me.”
As much as you tried to fight the urge to smile, you couldn’t help but enjoy the banter you two had. You also couldn’t help but examine his physique as you followed behind him, moving around the crowd, ducking and avoiding capture until you made it to his ship. 
Omega ran to you and hugged you again, “I knew he’d find you, come on. Let me show you inside.” 
She gripped your hand and dragged you along. You weren’t looking for family, but … as you moved closer to the ship, there was a strange sense of belonging that came from meeting the rest of her brothers. For the first time in a long time, you felt at home. 
Hunter watched you and the way Omega gripped your hand, as you introduced yourself to Wrecker, Tech and Echo. He had to admit, you were attractive, when he saw you without your helmet, he almost felt his tongue getting all tied up. Not to mention, the outfit you wore also drew attention to your physique which didn’t help. He didn’t know why but he had a feeling this could either be a really horrible idea, or it would be a very pleasant surprise. 
Next
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maimingaffairs · 1 year
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Hiiii hope ur well
would u mind doing a darkling x moon summoner fix like she’s disguised as the queens gorgeous lady in waiting but she’s really the kings personal gaurd/assassin.
and aleksander finds out about her when she saves alina from the attack on the way to the little palace.
and of course u have free rein whether u want to continue this or have a jealous trope with Alina and I won’t shy away from smut lol (I’d love a scene where the moon summoner catches the contucdor at the winter fete and helps control his mind to get answers)
thank youuuu
SWEET ANON! i want to preface this with an apology, because it took me so long to write... and it is... a very long piece of writing. i hope it meets the mark though. it might be one of my personal faves that i've written. i love u <33
AS ALWAYS, PLEASE SEND IN REQUESTS <333333
warnings: canon typical violence, some angst
word count: 10.5k
The Dark Side of The Moon (aleksander morozova x fem! moon summoner! reader)
READ PART TWO HERE
He needed you.
No, he didn’t need you, he reasoned with himself. He just… really wanted you. 
His hands were still in position, but The Cut he intended to use was long forgotten and faded. You stood behind him and he gaped at you from over his shoulder. You looked as lovely as ever, but even more so now that power was thrumming just underneath your skin, so freshly used. 
The Fjerdan that had been a part of the ambush on the road back to Os Alta, lay over Alina with a smoking, gaping hole blown through his chest. 
The girl pushed the body off of her in a panicked manner, and you dashed past the Black General and grabbed onto both of her hands to pull her to her feet gently. 
“Breathe, breathe, Sankta Alina. You are safe.” You assured her and she stared up at you with wide eyes. 
“Who are you?” She asked, almost belligerently. 
You opened your mouth to answer her question and General Kirigan let out a low hum from behind the two of you. 
“Yes, Lady y/n. Who are you, indeed?” He asked, walking towards you as if you were simply his prey. 
He couldn’t help the glee that settled in his stomach when he looked at you and Alina. His Sun Summoner had finally been found. He could have gotten by with just her. And then there you were. 
His Moon Summoner of legend. No one knew for certain if there was to be a Moon Summoner one day or if it was just tales of a desperate man, but The Black Heretic knew for certain that now he was indefinitely unstoppable. 
“Are you insane, General Kirigan?” You asked angrily and he came back to the present moment to see that you’d wrapped your arms around Alina’s shoulders and pulled her against your chest while she let out sighs of distress.
You weren’t taller than the girl, if anything you were a few inches shorter, and this was an amusing sight for him to watch. You snapped a few times in his direction and you shook your head. 
“You could’ve gotten her killed! Why didn’t you ride off alone with her?” You demanded and then you let go of the girl and rubbed your forehead, “Saints, Kirigan. She’s the Sun Summoner.”
You and him had always gotten along nicely, truth be told. You posed as the Queen’s Lady in Waiting, and whenever there were large events that the General would attend, you two often had friendly conversations. But you weren’t really just the Queen’s Lady in Waiting. And The General knew this. You served as the King’s personal assassin. 
You’d never had to do much more than keep an eye on the man, thankfully, because in instances like that, you’d have to use your power. The power you tried to keep hidden. 
When The King had heard word of the Sun Summoner being brought to the Capital, he’d sent you off to make sure that she and the General and his Grisha made it home safely. 
He was right for that evidently. 
The General didn’t seem to like your outburst and he approached the two of you and he reached up to twist a bit of your hair around his finger curiously. Silver strands glowed in the aftermath of your vicious outburst of power and he dropped the piece of your hair.  
“Were you ever going to tell anyone that you are the Moon Summoner?” He asked slowly and you felt Alina’s eyes on your face. 
You glanced up at the girl in front of you and then over your shoulder at Kirigan and you shook your head. 
“No. Because I didn’t want to just be a saint. I’m much more than that, as you can see.” You said quietly and he hummed. 
“Indeed you are, Lady y/n.” He said lowly and then he nodded to Alina, “She rides with me. Did you ride here on a horse?” He asked. 
You gave him a nod and pointed at a white horse in the distance, speckled with grey. 
“Excuse me? Can someone please explain what’s going on here?” Alina asked desperately and the two of you turned to her. 
He beat you to answer her and he held his hand out for Alina, waiting for her to tentatively grab onto it. 
“I have found my two lovely Saints now.  All is right in the world.” He said with a grin and you felt a sense of unease in your stomach upon seeing his toothy grin. 
-
The ride back to Os Alta was mostly silent. You had gone off ahead of the two on your horse, determined to get to the Capital as quickly as you could so that you could hurry yourself up to the Queen and spend the rest of the day in hiding. You knew what would happen if you ever revealed yourself. You’d be thrown to the wolves. Everyone would know your name, everyone would want to use you. From a young age, you’d learned to keep your powers a secret, and to only practice them alone. 
As soon as your horse rode up onto the gravel path in front of the Little Palace, you jumped from your still moving horse and you gathered your cloak up and quickly ran towards the Grand Palace. You stumbled inside and slammed the doors behind you, despite guards trying to filter out to get outside to meet the General and the Sun Summoner. You pushed your way through a few guards until you got to the grand staircase and bustled up the marble stairs. 
Once in the hallway, you smoothed down your riding clothes and walked quietly towards the King’s study. You tapped the door before you opened it and you stood in the doorway, peering in at the King and Prince Vasily who sat inside. You bowed your head respectfully and cleared your throat.
“Your Grace, I’ve delivered them safely. There were Fjerdans, just as you predicted, my Prince.” You reported and the two men nodded their heads. 
“Thank you, My Lady. Please. Clean yourself up and return yourself to my mother’s side at once.” Vasily ordered and you didn’t protest. 
Within the hour you’d gotten yourself thoroughly cleaned up and dressed with the help of a few servants, and you faithfully returned to your Queen’s side. 
You didn’t mind the Queen. Not at all, really. She was a bit of an airhead and as vain as can be, but you much preferred her company to her husband’s or even Vasily. You didn’t even mind Nikolai, though you hadn’t seen the boy in many, many years. 
You sat in silence next to the Queen for most of the afternoon as she had tea and read through her books, and you felt relieved to be away from the Grisha. Away from Alina Starkov. Away from General Kirigan. 
Just as the thought of all three had slipped your mind, The General begged for your attention once more and you and the Queen both turned your head to the doorway of the Library to see Kirigan standing there. He bowed his head respectfully to the queen and he bent his knee ever so slightly. 
“My Queen. May I steal your lovely Lady away for just a moment or two?” He asked, and the Queen raised an eyebrow.  
“Why? What business do you have with her?” She asked and you wanted to swear under your breath. He was going to tell her, surely. 
The reveal didn’t come, and instead, he gave a simple excuse. 
“I think Miss Starkov needs someone kind and.. well… perhaps non Grisha to speak to. This new life must be hard for her and it’s even harder when there’s only reminders trying to soothe you.” He explained calmly, but you could see the way his fingers fidgeted behind his back from how his forearms flexed underneath his kefta. 
“I suppose. Have her back by the time we finish dinner please.” She requested and the General nodded once and held his hand out for you. 
“After you, Lady y/n.” He said primly. 
You looked down at the Queen miserably and stood up. You held the skirts of your dress up off of the ground as you strode towards Kirigan, and you politely took his arm. 
He led you away from the library, and as soon as you were out of earshot of the Queen, he cleared his throat. 
“So. I believe a discussion is in order about your… abilities.” He said slowly and you shook your head. 
“No. I don’t want to talk about them. I want you to forget about them. Please. They’re mine and mine alone.” You said softly. 
Kirigan placed a hand at the small of your back and he very gently nudged you towards the doors that would take you outside to the Little Palace. 
“You are a gift to this world, y/n. Why hide it? You, Alina, and I could accomplish so much. We could tear down the fold, we could further expand it, we could bring the sun and the moon down to touch the earth. Yet you deny Ravka of these wonders. Why?” He asked and stepped outside with you. He carefully guided you down a small set of stairs and you shrugged. 
“I don’t know,” you said cautiously. Or perhaps it was fearfully. You weren’t sure. 
“Well, you’d be doing a great service to this great country by embracing who you are meant to be… what was it you called Alina? Ah yes. Sankta y/n.” He finished and you shuddered at the sound of it. 
There was power dripping from the title he gave you and you would be lying if you said it didn’t appeal to you somewhat. But you quickly shook the thought away from your head and instead decided to become fascinated with a fraying bit of lace on the bodice of your dress. 
“I don’t know, General.” You finally replied as the two of you walked into the Little Palace. 
“You’re destined for great things, my Moonbeam.” He said softly and then took one of your hands in his, stopping you in the middle of an empty hallway, “You don’t have to agree, but I would encourage you to accept your Grisha side and come here to train with Alina. We three are destined for something ethereal.” He said gently and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.  
Little butterflies erupted in your stomach and your mouth was suddenly dry. 
“I’ll think about it.” You whispered, and he brushed a thumb over your cheek as he pulled his hand away from your hair 
“Good girl. I know you’ll make the right decision.
-
Whether it was the right decision or not, you did in fact choose to join Kirigan. When you told him, he was elated. In his own way. His dark eyes gleamed proudly and he had taken you by the hand and promised you greatness, and truthfully, you believed he’d deliver. 
But training was simply kicking your ass.
You knew how to handle your powers, that wasn’t hard. But to advance them and use them in ways you’d never even imagined? That was hard. 
Typically, you’d spend most of your time around Kirigan as he insisted that he was best to train you, but sometimes you were stuck going down to the training yard or to Baghra. 
Baghra was a woman full of disdain and had a certain distaste for you, it seemed. Sometimes it was as if she was trying to scare you away from your training entirely. 
Like right now, for instance. 
You sat with your legs crossed in a shabby little wooden chair while the old woman paced the room in silence. You wanted to ask her what she was pacing for, but you didn’t want to face her wrath. So you instead watched her go back and forth, like a slow, unsteady pendulum. 
Finally her eyes met yours and she stopped moving, her thin lips becoming even thinner as she pursed them together. 
“I’m no longer sure what to do with you, admittedly.” She said, her words slow and well thought upon. 
You arched an eyebrow curiously and she only shrugged and sat across from you, folding her bony hands properly across her lap. 
“You know what you’re doing. That’s more than Alina can say. But you aren’t great. You won’t hardly be successful or powerful. Do you know why?” 
You didn’t verbally ask her to tell you why. You only leaned forward a bit and held your hands out questioningly. 
She tutted at you and then she leaned back a bit in her chair.
“You’re doing this for all the wrong reasons, so when you’re faced with the reality of the situation, you are no longer motivated to use your power accordingly. I think that would have a lot to do with The General, wouldn’t you think so?” She asked, almost accusingly. 
“The finger pointing is a bit juvenile, isn’t it, Baghra?” You asked in a flat tone, “If you have an accusation to make, best be direct.”
It was her turn to cock an eyebrow now and she let out a little scoff. 
“Alright then, little girl, let me be frank. You are doing this because of your attraction to the General. Not because you want to tear down The Fold. Alina may not be good with her power yet, but make no mistake; she wants only to liberate this country. What do you want? A moment of approval from a man? A pat on the head like a kitten?” 
You slowly rose from the chair and you towered over the woman, shaking your head, your jaw setting tersely. 
“Preposterous. You cannot possibly fathom why I am doing this.”
“Correct, girl. I cannot fathom what motivates you. I never claimed to. All I claimed to know is what you’re doing it for. Tell me this: do you believe that this will bring you the affection you crave?” 
You stared her down incredulously before you shook your head.
“This is absurd. I am leaving.” You snapped and turned sharply. 
You stormed towards the door, your fingertips vibrating just slightly, and when you looked down, silvery light made your skin light up ever so slightly. You grit your teeth and pushed open her door and walked out, making sure to slam it behind you. 
You didn’t crave his affection. You didn’t want a pat on the head.
You walked off up to the courtyard, lost in angry thought. 
Come to think of it though, The Fold had hardly crossed your mind during the weeks of training you’d been subjected to. Kirigan never spoke of it when you two were together. Most of the time you’d spent with him was just… casual conversation between two friends. Sometimes he’d give you his hand and allow you to mess around with your power with the aid of his amplification. 
But otherwise, it wasn’t much else more. 
You slowed your steps until you were stopped entirely near the doors to the Little Palace and you blinked a few times. 
There was no way that Baghra was right. But she wasn’t really wrong, either. 
Why were you doing this? 
That was the question that kept you up that night. 
-
You laid in your bed across the hall from the Queen’s room and you tossed and turned for the whole two hours you were laying down. 
Your mind raced relentlessly, replaying what Baghra had earlier said, her words echoing like church bells in your head. 
You groaned frustratedly and you pushed yourself up out of bed and reached out in the dim light of the moon to grab onto your robe that hung from one of the posts on your bed. You tossed it around your shoulders and slid your arms into the thin sleeves and tied it up tightly. You moved your hair over one shoulder and slid on a pair of flat, slipper-like shoes, and you rushed out of your bedroom. 
You’d go wake Alina. That’s what you’d do. Talk to her about this entire thing, hear what she would have to say about it. You sighed quietly and walked down through the winding halls of the Grand Palace until you reached the double doors that led out to the Little Palace. You padded out over the grounds and you glanced around cautiously, chewing on your bottom lip. 
When you finally got inside of the Little Palace, you walked determinedly down the hallway towards Alina’s room before you stopped at a crossroads. There was hardly any light in the halls at this time of the night, yet down the hallway that held Kirigan’s room, there was a sliver of light under his door. You glanced back at the hallway that would take you to Alina and you thought for a moment before you turned and walked hurriedly through a hallway. 
You didn’t even think or have half the mind to knock before you pushed open the doors to General Kirigan’s room. 
If the much taller man was surprised to see you intruding in his room, he didn’t make any indication of such a feeling. Instead, he just eyed you from his position, bent over his war table. You took a step inside his room and closed the doors behind you, letting out a long sigh. 
“Do you do this often to The Royal Family? Or are unannounced intrusions reserved for me?” He asked and then looked back down at his table. 
When you didn’t answer, he flickered his dark eyes back up to you and looked you up and down a few times, and suddenly you felt very naked underneath his gaze, despite being clothed.  
“I just… I…” you trailed off and suddenly felt very foolish to barge into his personal chambers without so much as a knock and you looked down at the ground. 
“You just what?” He demanded, but his tone wasn’t harsh. Only curious. 
“I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know. I intended on rousing Alina but I don’t know what happened. I just… found myself here.” You answered, your cheeks heating up in embarrassment. 
He continued to stare at you for a while and then he shook his head once, reaching out to beckon you forward.
“Well. Are you going to stand by the doors for the remainder of the night? Come join me over here.” He suggested and you slowly made your way across the floor to him. 
You felt a pang of nervousness in your chest. A new feeling around him. Usually you felt much more at ease around The Darkling, but now you just felt so small. 
You finally rounded the table to stand at his side, and you met his eyes which had followed you from the door to his side. 
“Would you like me to make you some tea?” He asked and reached out to twist a piece of your hair around his finger, a habit that he had made within the last few weeks. 
“No, I don’t think that would help much. But thank you.”
He looked down at you and he let out a sigh, “I am not sure why you came to me, then. I cannot lull you to sleep, my sweet moonbeam.” 
His words sent you fumbling for your own and you blinked a few times. You only shrugged in lieu of speaking and looked down at his war table. 
You watched him lift his arm out of your periphery and nearly jumped when you felt his hand gently touch the side of your face. He carefully turned your face towards his and he cradled your face against his palm. His touch was gentle, and you wondered if he’d ever been this delicate with anything in his life before. 
“Would you like that? Is that why you came to me? Did you want me to lull you to sleep? Soothe all your worries away?” He asked slowly. 
Though his words could easily have been mocking, his tone was light and kind and full of something you placed between want and concern. 
“I don’t know.” You whispered and nuzzled your cheek into the palm of his hand. 
He clicked his tongue against the top of his mouth, “That isn’t really an answer.” He commented. 
You knew it wasn’t. And you knew he was far too sharp to think otherwise. You couldn’t fool him, and you knew that. He could read you like an open book, he always could, even when you two were simple acquaintances. But you couldn’t really call yourselves acquaintances now. Could you even say friends? 
He trained you often, and much of your time was spent with the General, much more than with the Queen these days. He knew so much about you. Some from being told by you, some from guessing and confirmation from you, but mostly what he knew about you went unspoken. He knew you were lonely, he didn’t need to ask you that. He’d deduced it quickly after your time spent with him. 
You only kept your eyes on his nose and his thumb idly brushed back and forth against the side of your cheekbone, the contact making your skin tingle underneath his touch. 
You finally closed your eyes and focused on the faint sweeping noises the pad of his thumb made across your skin and a little sigh escaped your lips pleasantly. 
“What keeps you awake?” He asked very quietly, and you let out an equally quiet hum. 
“Many things. Perhaps I just don’t belong here. I lack purpose. I’m better off how I was before.”
His fingers curled around the back of your head and he pulled you a little bit closer to him. 
“You lack no such thing.” He protested. 
“Then what is my purpose? To help you tear down The Fold with Alina? To become a living Saint? I don’t want that. I don’t want to become a bedtime story. I was meant for more. I was meant for the things they leave out of bedtime stories.” You whispered and you could’ve sworn you heard his breath hitch. 
“Your purpose does not align with the Sun Summoner’s. Indeed you are correct. You were meant for more. She walks in the light. She walks with the light. You wait in the dark, you strike from the darkness where no one watches. You and I are more alike than you could ever imagine.” He said just above a whisper, but the quietness of his voice did nothing to conceal the intensity of which he spoke with. 
“I don’t know what I am.” You breathed and opened your eyes only to find his just inches away from yours. 
“You are the silver flicker of light in the dark and then you are the darkness.” He answered earnestly. 
You closed your eyes again, and as soon as you did, you were swept forward into his arms. He pulled your head against the center of his chest and wrapped his other arm around your middle. There was something oddly protective about his embrace and he ran his fingers through the hair at the back of your head. 
“Let me lull you to sleep, little one. You need a reprieve from your mind.” He insisted. 
You gave him a permissive nod against his chest and he very slowly walked you away from the table and he sunk down into an armchair. He pulled you down onto his lap and he lifted your legs up over the side of the chair. You curled your head against his chest much like a cat and you wrapped your arms loosely around his neck, your legs dangling over the side of the chair. 
You took in his scent as you buried your face against his clothes and were comforted to find that he smelled of leather and something of embers, and then something sweet yet faint that you couldn’t place. 
You opened your eyes when he grabbed one of your arms away from his neck and laid it against your chest before he reached up with the same hand and traced his fingertips against your skin, and a warm feeling washed over you. Everywhere his fingers touched, a silvery blue trail of light followed underneath your skin. 
“Sleep, little one.” He cooed and you closed your eyes again, obeying him. 
The last thing you remembered before sleep overcame you was his voice above your head, muttering what you recognized as sweet nothings in his native Ravkan tongue. 
He had indeed lulled you right to sleep. 
-
In the days after you had fallen asleep on him, The General had been very insistent that you were with him for the majority of your day. He claimed your skill set was of use to him, and truthfully, he was right. Even before you were his Moon Summoner, you were the King’s assassin, and you didn’t need your power for the things you’d accomplished there. 
Around his entourage and Corporalki, you were treated as if you were his most esteemed soldier. But behind closed doors and away from prying eyes, his intense and hard demeanor was gone and he was softer with you, kinder. He always had been kind to you, but this was different. It was a different type of kindness. 
The morning after you had fallen asleep on him, you awoke in his bed, the black sheets tucked around you with care. He hadn’t been in the bed next to you, but you hadn’t expected that of him. He was an early riser. 
You wondered if he had slept next to you at any point during the night. You couldn’t remember. In fact, you didn’t even remember him moving you to his bed. You wanted to ask him if he had, but it seemed listless. Even if he had, it hadn’t mattered. Or did it? Sharing a bed was typically something you only did with someone you trusted, and Kirigan didn’t seem like someone who’d just open his bed up to anyone. 
It was the best sleep you’d had in quite a long time, that was for certain. 
It was just past noon when you finally emerged from The Grand Palace and made your way to The Little Palace. You had pulled your hair up into an intricate braid and you fiddled with the ends of it as you walked. Once inside, you spotted Alina walking down the hall and you hurried up to her and gently grabbed her arm and gave her a little smile. 
She didn’t return the smile, instead she looked anxious and unhappy. You pulled her off to the side and stopped walking, eyeing her with concern. 
“Has something happened?” You asked and she sighed, a long sigh that had sounded like it had been pent up for a long time. 
“I’ve been informed I’m to showcase my… powers in front of everyone during The Winter Fete.” She said anxiously. 
You raised an eyebrow and then shook your head a few times, “Who told you this?” You asked, feeling a bit of frustration. If Alina was to showcase her talents, then surely you’d be asked to as well, and that was specifically not something you wanted to do. 
“Kirigan. David, too. Genya. All of them. I don’t want to be presented like a show pony.” She stated and then you sympathetically patted her arm. 
“I understand. No one does.” You agreed and she let out a short laugh and pulled her arm away from your gentle grasp. 
“Well. Why don’t you work your magic and tell Aleksander to call it off.” She suggested. 
You blinked in confusion and then you tipped your head to the side. 
“Aleksander? I’m afraid I don’t know an Aleksander.” You replied, eyes searching her face. 
“Kirigan. It’s his name. Aleksander. Did he not tell you?” She asked you as if it was one of the most common things to have known. 
“No?” 
Ouch.
In all the time you’d spent with The General getting closer to him, he’d never once told you his first name. He didn’t talk much about himself, and when he did it was vague, ambiguous. Everything about himself was left up to interpretation. 
He liked it that way, you noticed. It left more room for mystery. It kept anyone from crossing the brooding man, because simply no one knew definitely just who he was or just how ruthless or constrained he could be. 
“Oh. Well then perhaps don’t mention you heard it from me. I’ve got to get down to Baghra. Please just… do what you are able to about this situation. I am not ready to be a spectacle in front of Ravka.” She pleaded and then walked off. 
You stood against the wall for a moment, listening to her footsteps echo until they were gone entirely. An eclectic range of frustrations began to make your fingertips tingle and you pushed away from the wall. You walked with intent to The General’s room, your brow knitting together in annoyance. 
His door was the only thing that made you come to a stop and before you could decide against it, you pushed it open and stepped inside of his room. 
He didn’t have to look up to know who it was. You were the only one that dared come unannounced, after all. 
He sat at his desk on the far end of the room with a thin parchment letter in his hand and he didn’t tear his dark gaze off of the paper as he held his hand out in your direction. He outstretched his pointer and middle fingers and curled them in the air at you in a ‘come here’ motion and you did. 
You stomped petulantly towards his desk and you laid your hand down firmly on the desktop with a quiet thump. 
Now, you had his full attention. He lifted his inky eyes towards you slowly and he took in your appearance before he slowly laid the letter down. 
“You are upset.” He observed and you simply scoffed and folded your arms across your chest.
“What gave it away?” 
“Perhaps the stomping like a child. Or maybe it’s the fact that you can’t hide your emotions on your face. Do you intend on telling me why you’re cross? Or did you have another reason for this visit?” He asked and leaned backwards in his chair casually. 
“I don’t know, Aleksander. Maybe I just wanted to come in here and pout.” You snapped. 
Now it was his turn to fold his arms across his chest and he looked up at you with amusement, the same kind of amusement a parent would watch a fractious child with. 
“Ah, you’ve been speaking with Miss Starkov, it seems.” 
You stared at him in disbelief. That was it? That was all he had to say? You nearly stomped your foot down on the hard floor but refrained, not wanting his amusement to grow. 
“Why wouldn’t you have told me your name as well?” You asked, and you hadn’t realized how stupid you sounded until just now, but you had no intention of backing down at this point. 
“Would that have pleased you, lapushka?” He asked with a little grin and you snorted, turning your head away from him. 
“I don’t care. It’s your name. You do what you want with it. I just figured perhaps we were closer than that.”
“Why do you figure that? Because you fell asleep in my arms like a little kitten? Or because you woke in my bed?”
You felt your heart drop to your stomach and you turned towards him, a frown covering your lips. You didn’t answer him, you simply stared disdainfully into his caliginous eyes. His words had hit you like a slap across the face, so real that you almost wanted to hold your cheek. 
“Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t say you were unjust in feeling that way. I just asked if that was your reasoning to figure we were close.” He replied once he realized you weren’t going to speak. He clicked his tongue and rose up from his chair and stalked towards you, reaching out with a hand to grab your chin. 
“My ambiguity is one of my greatest layers of armor.” He started. 
But you cut him off. 
“Right. But you’ll tell the first pretty girl that catches your eye your name and give up that ambiguity. Very selective of you.” 
He unfurled his finger from his grip on your chin and he tapped your lips to silence you. 
“Sometimes, to soften someone to your liking, you must strip away a piece of your armor. Miss Starkov is apprehensive at best regarding her situation. You require no such softening.” He explained and you took notice of the fact that he hadn’t bothered to move his finger away from your lips. 
“You trust me, and for that I am lucky and I am grateful. I needn’t reveal bits of myself to you just to make you trust in me. You simply just do. Little Moon Saint, I don’t need to take off my armors around you. You take them off for me whenever we are alone, whether you realize it or not.”
You shook your head just slightly and gazed up at him, warmth gathering under his touch on your face. 
“I know hardly anything about you.” You whispered, “How can I be removing your armor when I know nothing about you still?”
He shushed you and he leaned closer to your face, to where you could feel the air coming softly from his nose and you closed your eyes for a brief second before opening them again. 
“Most things about me go unspoken. I like it that way. You don’t need to know my history to know me. You don’t need me to beg you to trust me. You don’t question the deaths caused by my hands, and you know very well I don’t question the lives taken by yours. I told you. We are more alike than you could ever imagine.” He explained, his voice lowering, almost in reverence now, “Everything inside of me wants for you.” 
This, you weren’t expecting. 
And if that was a surprise to hear, it was even more of a surprise to feel his lips crash down against your own. 
-
The day of The Winter Fete came quickly. Thankfully, Aleksander had shared your sentiments in not wanting to have you display your power for the party. In fact, he was quite adamant on you being a secret kept from the rest of the world away from the palaces. You were thankful for that. 
You’d practically been inseparable from him in the weeks since he’d kissed you. He’d kissed you a handful of times in the time since then, too. Somewhere in the realm of the things that went unspoken but were simply known between the two of you, it had become evident that there were strong feelings between both of you. 
You hardly shied away from those feelings. If anything you were diving headfirst into them, which it seemed he was doing the same, because he’d insisted a handful of times in the last few weeks that you stay and sleep with him in his room. 
You liked to think that you cured his loneliness in the same way he had cured yours but you hadn’t had any confirmation on your daydream. 
So, there you sat, perched upon his desk while he nimbly unboxed a long, black gown for you. He held it up for you to see and you hummed approvingly. It was black with threads of dark blue and silver embroidered onto it in swirls and star like patterns. You smiled up at him and raised an eyebrow at him. 
“What? No kefta for me? Do you think me to be delicate?” You teased and Aleksander let out a slow laugh before he laid the dress down on his bed and walked to you. He gently pulled you off of the desk and turned you around. He undid the buttons on the back of the current dress you wore and he tapped the back of your neck. 
“You are anything but delicate. Trust me. As much as I’d like to see you in a kefta, this isn’t the time for you to be revealed. You must keep up appearances, Lady y/n.” He explained and moved back only a step once your dress was undone. 
You blushed a bit and held the loose dress up to your chest, hesitating to take off your dress in front of him. 
Aleksander sensed this and he placed his hands gently on your elbows, “Would you like me to give you the room so that you can change in privacy?” He asked kindly, brushing his thumbs against your elbows. 
You shook your head. It’s not like you really minded, but you still had a set of nerves at the thought of undressing in front of the man you adored. 
You let out a very quiet, shaky breath and you let the dress fall away from your shoulders and you slowly stepped out of it, leaving you in only your underwear before him. You didn’t dare turn around, for if you did, Aleksander would’ve seen the horrific blush that covered your cheeks now. 
His hands found yours as they lay at your sides and he gently interlocked your fingers before he leaned forward and pressed a gossamer light kiss against the nape of your neck. You shivered under his lips and you could feel them curl into a smug smile against your skin. 
“I didn’t take you for the shy type, little one.” He murmured and very slowly lifted his lips away from your neck. 
You didn’t respond to him, you simply gave his hands a light squeeze, but much to your dismay, he pulled away and you heard him walk away from you. There was a swish of fabric behind you and then he was back, gently placing a hand on your waist to move you towards him a bit. He didn’t turn you around, and you were thankful for that.
Instead, he reached around you and held your dress in front of you for you to step into it. You were used to being dressed, it was common practice for you and had been for years because of your place at court. But this felt different, and though he was dressing you, you couldn’t help but feel as if Aleksander was at the core of it all, stripping you completely naked. There was a different kind of vulnerability to letting him dress you. 
You stepped into the dress and he slowly pulled it up over your hips and you slipped your arms into the sleeves and he lifted the bodice of the dress up over your shoulders completely and pulled it taut before he began to button up the long row of buttons at your back. After the last button was done up, he tied the ribbon at your waist tightly and then he encircled you in his arms from behind, tugging you backwards until you were pulled flush against his chest. 
“I wish desperately that I could parade you on my arm all night. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a color look so lovely on anyone.” He whispered, resting his chin down against your shoulder. 
You leaned the side of your head against his and you placed your hands down on top of his wrists. 
“And I wish that you could kiss me breathless in a room, far away from the party, but alas, it seems we have duties to attend to.”
“Such a shame, isn’t it?” He asked playfully and with a hint of reluctance, pulled away from you. 
You finally willed yourself to turn around and face him. 
A look of reverence crossed his face and he reached out to cup the side of your face in one hand. The look in his lightless eyes was unreadable, but you got the sense his stare was altogether pleasant. 
“Tell me something.” He murmured and reached out to brush the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip. 
“Hmm?”
“Do you trust me?” He asked, though you felt like he was asking something entirely different. The look in his eye told you that he didn’t want to know if you found him to be trustworthy. His words unspoken were louder than the ones he’d verbalized. 
No, he meant to ask ‘do you trust me with your heart?’
You searched his face for a long moment before you finally nodded once and you watched as a flicker of relief splashed across his face, and for a second, you swore his eyes sparkled with tears that had been long since blinked away. 
He leaned in to kiss your forehead once and he dropped his hand away from your face and walked to the wardrobe next to his bed. He pulled on the rest of his clothing, save for his kefta, and you sunk down on a little sofa next to his bed, pulling your legs up underneath you as you watched him. 
He adjusted the collar of his shirt and as he did, the sound of footsteps distracted you from watching the man get ready. 
“Ivan. My kefta.” He called out, but once you looked past him, you could see that Ivan was not in the room. Only Alina. 
She took his heavy kefta off of his war table and approached him with hesitancy, not saying a word. 
When he turned around, his face changed in surprise and he shook his head once. 
“You’re not Ivan.” He remarked. 
Alina looked down at the kefta in her arms and shifted a bit. 
“Sorry to disappoint.” 
“Do I sense a little disdain for my Heartrender?” Aleksander asked, clearly amused now. 
You lifted your hand up to rest against the side of the sofa and moved close to the edge, perching yourself to stand. 
“You know, once you get to know him, he’s actually quite funny.” He added and you very slowly rose to your feet, your dress swishing. 
It didn’t rouse either of their attentions. 
“I bet you find volcra hilarious.” Alina quipped, eyes transfixed intently on Aleksander. 
He gave her a smile and she nodded to the kefta in her arms. 
“May I?” She asked, unfolding the thick garment. 
“Thank you.” He replied and turned around, allowing the Sun Summoner to slide the kefta around his shoulders. 
You eyed them warily and stayed silent, your teeth searching for a bit of your cheek you could bite down on. 
“I hear you were able to focus and split light without the gloves.” He spoke, eyeing you as he got his kefta on with her help. 
“I appreciate the gesture, though.” She responded, and you pressed your lips together. 
You stepped in front of Aleksander and pulled the lapels of his kefta forward to adjust the coat, your brow furrowing only slightly. You didn’t miss the amused smile that made the corners of his lips curl upwards before he turned back towards Alina.
“Well, they were only a safeguard, really. In case of nerves.” He informed her, and you watched as the girl leaned slightly closer to Aleksander. 
Half of you had made peace with the fact that you and Aleksander didn’t make it incredibly public knowledge that you… were together? Was that even the right way to describe your situation? You didn’t know how to answer that. Yet, the other half of you, despite clarification on where you stood with him, wanted to pull him backwards and stand between the two of them. You almost gagged in spite of yourself. Or maybe it was in spite of them.
“I imagine there are few gatherings in Keramzin that involve such… spectacle.” He commented down at her and you wanted to speak up. Make them aware that you were still in the room. 
No. Don’t. You told yourself. 
“None, in fact.” Alina answered. 
She peered over his shoulder and caught your eyes. You weren’t sure of what your face looked like, but she widened her eyes and quickly moved away from him.
“But I’m actually not that nervous! I may have considered throwing myself down the stairs to get out of it once or twice.”  She left his bed chambers and much to your antipathy, he followed her. 
You stood back for a moment as they continued to chat before you gathered the skirts of your dress and walked through the doorway of his bed chambers and brushed past the two of them, squaring your shoulders as you passed by. You slipped out of the room with a sigh of annoyance and you walked down the hallway. You listened to the taps of your boots against the marble floors and you puffed out your cheeks. 
Jealousy wasn’t something that came naturally or easily to you. You’d always been sure of yourself, aware that you were likely the prettiest face in the room, confident in your abilities and powers. You were almost sick to admit that perhaps you were jealous of Alina. 
She got to be by his side tonight. She got to wear a kefta just like him. She got to be shown off to the rest of the world as Ravka’s saving grace. 
You didn’t want that for yourself. Not really. But you didn’t want it for her, either, selfishly. 
Did you even have a right to feel jealous? It’s not like Aleksander had explicitly said that you were his and he was yours. You felt fair in assuming such, but then again, you’d always been a little too sure of yourself. 
You simply shook the thought away and headed off to report to the Queen. 
-
“Oh, it’s nothing, moya tsaritsa. Only a little headache. I’ll be off to find a healer and back to the party before you know it.” 
Lie. 
You felt bad lying to the Queen as you rose from your seat next to her and scurried out of the room. You’d made yourself scarce all day, with the exception of being with the Queen, and you planned on keeping the pattern. 
You just didn’t want to watch Aleksander and Alina. 
You walked out to the courtyard and weaved around horses and guests until you were on the outskirts of the palace grounds. You were thankful that you could finally breathe without sharing the breath with someone else in your proximity. The cool evening’s air swirled around what skin of yours was exposed and it chilled your cheeks, tinting them pink. You flexed your fingers a bit and tapped imaginary points in the air at your sides, little fissures of silvery light appearing underneath your fingertips. 
You tried your best to be apathetic about everything that you’d felt during the day, and you kept walking, approaching a thick bramble of trees.
A loud scream escaped your lips when you felt a cold hand clasp around your wrist and you yanked your wrist back, stumbling backwards on the uneven path. You fell back and caught yourself on your elbows, preparing your hands to summon the moon. Your eyes settled upon a head of white hair and you furiously widened your eyes.
“Baghra!” You yelled and looked down at your dress. It was dusty from the dirt and you could feel a little tear in your sleeve, just above your elbow, “What is the meaning of this?” You asked angrily. 
You climbed to your feet and stared down at the old woman, your lips tugging downwards in a heavy frown. 
“Don’t look at me like that, girl. You need to get away from here as quickly as you can.” She stated venomously and you gaped at her. You shook your head with a dry laugh and you went to speak but she cut you off instantly. 
“You are being used, you stupid girl. Aleksander. He is using you. Just the same way he is using the sun girl. I am warning you, y/n, please. You must go. I will tell her the same thing but hear me now-“
“What are you going on about?” You asked snappily, your eyes narrowing on her. 
“You and Alina Starkov are but pawns in Aleksander’s game. He does not mean to liberate Ravka from The Fold. He does not mean to create heroes out of the three of you. Has he promised you otherwise?” 
“No. He hardly speaks of The Fold to me.” You replied defensively. Your hand formed fists at your side and you could feel your fingers begin to thrum with the electric feeling of the moon pooling within them. 
“No? Perhaps he’s just too busy distracting you with sweet words and little touches? Keeping you from your lessons, insisting you don’t need them, only to drown you with his attention. Making you feel special and perhaps even loved?”
You didn’t respond, and your silence became her indication to keep speaking. 
“Trust me, stupid girl. He’s making Alina feel the same exact way.” She finished and then she shook her head, “Do what you will, Lady y/n. You’ve always known this to be your home. I understand it must be hard to fathom leaving, but if you want to live free of chains, you’ll go. I’ve arranged safe passage out of Os Alta tonight. If you wish to join Alina, then you’ll meet her and I down the hill behind The Grand Palace. Half past midnight.” 
You stared at her in disbelief and you wanted to argue, but she had already turned and retreated back into the trees, and you swore that you watched shadows engulf her.   
-
You were only human at your very core. 
That’s what you kept telling yourself as you cried into your hands on your balcony. Only human at your very core… right?
Who knew if Baghra was right? At least about Aleksander’s intentions. This isn’t what bothered you. 
“He’s making Alina feel the same exact way.” Her words echoed in your head and only made you cry harder, and you let out a frustrated groan and you hit the side of your head with the heel of your hand, as if the impact would knock the thought right out of your mind. 
It would explain her behavior earlier that day. It would easily explain how she, too, knew his name- and before you. It explained the way she gazed up at him; dreamily, as if she’d fallen head over heels already. 
You weren’t going to leave Os Alta, that was for certain. You couldn’t. You adored your Queen and you hadn’t known a life outside of the Ravkan Capital. You’d just learn to avoid Aleksander. Perhaps that was a good thing. It would cease your distractions from the Queen and King. 
“I’ve never seen you cry before. I don’t like it.” 
You jumped at the sound of Aleksander’s voice behind you and you wrapped your arms around yourself and you shook your head. 
“Go away please.” You whispered. 
You didn’t really want him to go away. Not deep down, at least. He probably knew that, too. He knew you better than anyone.
Hands gently grabbed your arms and coaxed you away from the iron railing of your balcony and you were being turned around before you could protest it. You didn’t meet his eyes when you were moved to face him. 
“I have been made aware that Baghra sought you out. I don’t know what was said, but I’m sure I can only assume it had something to do with planting doubt in your mind based on the way she was sure you’d have run far away from here by now. But you aren’t a runner. I know that.”
His words made more tears spill over your cheeks and you still refused to look at him until he tapped underneath your chin and tilted your head backwards slightly. 
“I care not about your intentions with The Fold, Aleksander. I said I trusted you and I meant it. Perhaps that’s where I went wrong though. Because I do care that you were stringing me along at the same time as Alina. If you needed something of me, it would’ve been best to lay it out on the table. Not bury me in your sweet kisses and words until I was nothing but a mindless slave with no questions for you.” 
“Is that what you believe you are to be to me? A mindless slave?” He asked and you simply shrugged. 
You expected an angry outburst, you expected him to chastise you loudly, but it never came. Instead, he took your face in his hands and he swiped his thumbs underneath your wet eyes to rid you of the tears on your cheeks. 
“You are strong and you are intelligent. No one could make a mindless slave out of you. Not even I. My kisses and gentle words are reserved for you and you alone. Not Alina. Never Alina. You, however. Oh, how do I begin? Ever since I watched you kill that Fjerdan, I knew that I had to have you by my side. One way or another. Though, as a lover was preferable.
You are disarming in the most wonderful way, and though you may not know all of my secrets yet, you have already released them from their chambers. I’m tempted to call you a thief with the way you’ve stolen my heart away, but if I’m to be honest with you, y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn't hand it to you willingly.” He murmured earnestly. His eyes shone with his own tears, and though they never fell, the message was still there. 
You fell forward over his chest and laid your head on the center of it and his arms weaved around you protectively. Defensively. Adoringly. 
He showered kisses atop your head and you two stood in silence for a very long time like that. 
Perhaps you’d be burned for trusting him this way. In every way. Perhaps you wouldn’t. Only time would tell. But in that moment, all that mattered was that he was there. Questions about Baghra’s words could wait. They weren’t meant to be spoken now. No words were meant to be spoken now. 
Until he did finally speak. 
“My love, I do hate to ruin such tender moments,  but I’m in desperate need of your help. There will be plenty of time for me to make up for every single tear spilled from your pretty eyes this evening, and that I promise you. However, your skill set is needed.” He said softly, his tone apologetic. 
You stayed against his chest for a while longer and then finally nodded, “Of course. Whatever you need, Aleksander.”
-
You walked hand in hand with The Darkling down the candlelit hallway, deep within the Palace, and you two were accompanied by one of his Squallers, Zoya. 
Aleksander had filled you in quickly. Alina had been kidnapped and there had been an attempt on her life. You couldn’t help but feel relieved that you hadn’t been the one on his arm all night now. They now held a man associated with the crime deep underneath the Palace, and they needed him to talk. 
That’s where you came in. 
“Has he talked?” He asked, his hand tightening around yours in a manner you could only imagine was protective.  
“A lot of lies,” Zoya answered, “Ivan’s with him.” 
You entered the room with him and Zoya and your eyes fell upon Ivan’s intimidating figure standing tall behind a small, pudgy man who was bound to a chair. 
“I’ve been swindled,” The man said simply, desperation twinging his words, “hoodwinked.”
Aleksander didn’t seem to care and he squeezed your hand once more. 
“My guards tell me that they caught you fleeing the scene of the crime.” He spoke. 
You rolled your shoulders back and stood tall, carefully releasing your hand. If you were to get answers out of this man, he had to fear you. You didn’t much command fear while clutching your General’s hand. 
“Yes. I followed them.” The man insisted. 
“Followed whom?” Aleksander prompted, lifting his head curiously. 
“They come from the other side of The Fold. From the start, they seemed, just, a bit off to me, so when they left our stage, at the fete, I followed them. To see what they were up to, and at the time that I walked into that room, they were gone and… Saints, it was… unspeakable. So I ran… I…” 
You snorted and then you stepped forward, “No, that’s not the truth.” You interjected and then looked to Ivan with a raised eyebrow. 
“He did cross The Fold with the others,” Ivan began, “The rest were lies.” 
You gave a satisfied nod and you looked up at Aleksander who swept his hand out for you, inviting you to step closer to the man. 
The man began to insist that he wasn’t lying, but you and everyone else in that room knew, you couldn’t lie to a Heartrender. 
You stepped behind the man and you laid your hands on his temples, “Do you want to tell the truth to The General?” You asked lowly. He didn’t respond. 
“Do you know we keep records of everyone who crosses The Fold?” Aleksander began, and then rattled off the known passages for the evening. 
“You didn’t cross with them. Did you?” You asked, leaning down close to his ear. 
He shuddered but he didn’t answer. You looked up at Aleksander who nodded and you closed your eyes. Your fingertips began to glow and they grew so cold that they burned, you pressed them tightly against the man’s skin and he clenched his teeth. You eased off a bit and then cleared your throat. 
“You have another way across The Fold. What is it?” You asked slowly. 
“I don’t know what you mean.” He protested, but Ivan cut him off. 
“He does.” 
You sighed and brought forth your power again, this time a bit more and he winced sharply as the bitter cold from your fingers cut into his skin and left it frostbitten. 
“I’m an entertainer!” He exclaimed, “Oskar, Oskar Krepkov!” He shouted as you pushed more of your light forth, watching his veins turn white and stony underneath your touch, just as they’d been filled with moonstone. 
You eased off when Aleksander came towards the two of you and lifted up the man’s sleeve. 
“Well that is certainly entertaining. You are The Conductor,” he said darkly, revealing scars of tallies up his inner forearm, “Arken Visser, are you not?“ he pulled away from the man and gave you a nod again as he walked away.
“You smuggle Grisha out of my palace! You help them abandon the war effort.”
“No, I deal in-“ he was cut off by a sudden sharp pain in his head, caused by you pressing the heels of your hands to the hardened veins over his temples. You closed your eyes tightly and worked to spread the unforgiving cold of your light through his head, feeling it spread through his veins while Aleksander questioned the man about a woman named Nina. 
You zoned back in as Aleksander finished, and you opened your eyes to look up at him. 
“…might that have something to do with you, Mr. Visser?” He asked, in reference to Nina’s disappearance. 
“No.” He answered shakily, his teeth now beginning to chatter. You were lowering his body temperature by now surely, and his lips began to glaze over, tinted with blue. 
“I don’t!” He protested again, his voice shaky. Ivan confirmed this and the man let out a shaking sigh, “See?”
“May I interject?” You asked and looked up at Aleksander who nodded once. 
“By all means, Darling. Speak your mind.” He said with a little grin licking at the corners of his lips. 
“You might want to begin talking, Mr. Visser. Your heart is slowing and you are freezing from the inside out. The light of the moon is a cold one.” You whispered and you felt him stiffen under your hands. 
Aleksander had a proud smirk on his face and he glanced back down at Arken. 
“My guess, you struck a deal with these three thieves to kidnap Alina Starkov. But you have a stronger relationship with a certain West Ravkan general, who has notions of ruling his own country. So long as The Fold separates him from us- darling, I think you’re being too gentle with him,” he added for you, and then walked around the chair, brushing past you gently, “So you made another deal. You put on a disguise. And you played at being assassin.”
You took a deep breath and summoned more of your power, the beams of light from your hands beginning to sear into the skin of his temples.
“That’s right!” He cried, in obvious pain, “The prize to bring her back to Ketterdam was a million! Split four ways. But Zlatan offered me the same number… to kill her, so,” he let out another scream as you tightened your grip on his head and Aleksander’s eyes widened, “you give me half that, I’ll get revenge for you. I can get close to Zlatan!” He tried to bargain, but he didn’t have much left to bargain with. 
Aleksander looked at Ivan and Zoya pointedly and they began to walk away. 
“No.” Aleksander answered and then looked up at you, “I think I’ll handle that myself. And I think… I’ll let my lovely Moon Summoner handle you.” 
He gave you a short nod and stood with his hands behind his back and you nodded back at him. 
Arken began to scream and protest between the chattering of his teeth and you rolled your shoulders back, and just like the Fjerdan that attacked Alina, you shot a bright beam of silver light through his temples and let go, watching as his head fell back limply on his neck. 
Aleksander stepped towards you just as you stepped away from the now dead man, and he grasped your freezing wrists, pulling you to his chest.
“Promise me,” he began, leaning down close to your face, “Promise me that you’ll stand by my side forever. We will be revered, formidable. I will give you a crown, I will give you my love, I will give you whatever you ask for, if you promise me forever.” He pleaded and stared down into your eyes desperately. 
There was nothing that you wanted more in that moment and you studied his black eyes for a long time, searching for any sense of trickery within them, but all you found was the same want that you wore within your own eyes. 
Perhaps you’d be burned for trusting him this way. In every way. Perhaps you wouldn’t. Only time would tell. All you could do was accept his offer now, and give him your payment in the form of three words.  
“I promise. Forever.”
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