#ANYWAY. i need to go message them now before i lose track of what i'm doing

[lynnorien]

grumbles

[darthvaderofmiddle-earth]

My father ain't getting his Christmas present today. Everyone in the house will get presents, multiple. But he won't get a damn thing from me now or probably ever again for that matter. He doesn't even love me. Why should I spend anything on him?

When my brothers and I went to go get my wheelchair I bought, my father pulled me aside and didn't even look at me as he said, "You can become magically able bodied if you just exercise and lose some weight. If you buy that thing, it has to go into storage and you have to pay for storage. You're making a big mistake." I told him then and there I don't appreciate him and he does nothing for me. Then I left.

On our way home, my father tried to physically blockade my brothers from pulling into the driveway, and said we have to take the wheelchair directly to storage. We... don't have a storage unit anywhere, and it's New Year's Eve, so none are open. Additionally, we have a double garage which you can park 2 vans inside of. We've done it before. And here was father, yelling at us that we can't fit a wheelchair inside...

A few months ago, my father tried to obtain legally confidential information from my therapist which I legally signed documents to make sure he could never get. And he sent lawyers after her and her staff, angry phone calls, and it got to the point the staff texted me and asked for assistance. Twice.

What's more is, I've gotten dozens of blood tests from half a dozen different doctors over the years. All of them confirmed I have high numbers for lupus and arthritis. There's no denying it. And yet, my father said they're wrong. My doctors are wrong, my therapist is wrong, and science is wrong. There is nothing wrong with me. He asked me, "How did you get around Universal Studios?" I told him I limped and complained about my leg pain the entire time. He said, "I don't remember that." But considering he gaslights me on a daily basis, I can promise he remembers and is lying.

And then, I remembered something else. My father has a cousin who was born with a deformed spine. She cannot walk, never has been able to, and yet, whenever my family visits her or she visits us, my father will make offhand comments when she's not looking or isn't in earshot, that she doesn't need to be in a wheelchair and she could walk if she just tried hard enough and that it would straighten out her spine if she did. She... has a shifted spinal column that's missing discs. I uhh... I don't see how you can fix that by walking.

Anyway, yeah. I'm not going to give anything to my father today, tomorrow, next year, ever. He takes my money each month just to turn off my electronic contact with the outside world whenever he's angry (he disables my phone, wifi, TV, data, etc. on all devices). You know, I learned to hack so I could hack his account to gain that access back. He somehow found out, and set up 2FA which I don't know how to get around (my guess is he was tracking when the account was logged into, from which IP, and checking the trace logs).

There's a reason I send all my messages to friends through encrypted apps, or untracked accounts, and hide all my social media posts from my father. I've learned the sounds of everyone's footsteps in the house, so I know when to be silent if my father comes around. I know to lock my door if he does. I fear him and everything he says. Nobody should have to live this way. But I do.

And sometimes, I ask myself if it's worth it to live at all when these are the conditions I'm forced into.

Here's to 2024. Maybe, somehow, it'll lead me to freedom...

[ageless-aislynn]

Hey, friends. Just wanted to say bye for now. I'm tired of fighting to no avail. If I can fix the computer eventually, then yay. But I'm tired of hours of research, hours of repair, all to seem like it worked and then something else crashes. For example, Steam/Halo has been working fine this whole time then tonight, it went absolutely nuts. Steam started updating in the middle of my Halo game. Then it wouldn't stop updating even after rebooting. Then it crashed every time I tried to load it again. I spent a LONG time reading debugging logs, tracking down key phrases and words, all to eventually come around to... Other people have had that happen but nobody seems to know why. All my drivers are updated. I've tested for program conflicts. Windows passed all of its tests. The computer hardware passed all of its tests. I'm just stumped.

Then as suddenly as this storm of blue screens (5 of them just tonight) came on, they stopped. I can launch and play Halo fine. For now.

I've had honestly had enough, so I'm going to take an offline vacation for however long I need to. I'm still writing the next chapter of "15 Minutes" but just by hand because it's too nerve-wracking to try and write on a device that suddenly BAM is dead and you never know when it's going to happen or if you managed to save what you just wrote in time.

That's another thing, I put all 7 drafts of this chapter on this computer from my backups, I started writing the 8th and went back to continue it... and the last 6 drafts are just gone. I mean, I looked everywhere. I cannot for the life of me figure out what caused them to vanish. I didn't do anything to roll the computer back that should've done that. Fortunately, I'd copied that last 8th draft into a Google doc so was able to get a new copy and didn't lose half the chapter. But now I feel so stressed writing, like... Will it be here when I get back? Will something eat it again? What ate it in the first place?

Eventually, if I can finish it, I'll transcribe it up and hopefully get to post it. I also hope to be back to enjoy the new season of Halo with y'all in Feb. That would be cool but I don't know if it's meant to be or not.

Anyway, feel free to still @ me and message if you'd like but I don't know when I'll be able to check in, so please forgive me if I seem to not respond for an unusual amount of time. I'll miss you. I miss you already. Sending you much love and well wishes. Hope to see you again before long.

[sawtastic-sideblog]

'Dear Lawrence,

It's been two years, three months, and twenty six days or eight hundred and forty eight days. The guilt is manageable but still eats away at me everyday. I cry to get the emotions out, but only in the shower. I don't want the others to hear me.

John is having us watch a lawyer. I only take the pictures. I never grab the test subjects or help with John's games. Mark and Amanda do that.

Speaking of them I suspect something more going on. I can't prove it but I think they're having hate sex. With as much as they fight it just seems likely. John seems to think so too. He confides in me. It's probably because I still don't talk.

I talk to you sometimes. Only when I'm alone. I whisper into the void and hope my message will get to you. Wherever you may be.

Anyway, back to the game. The guy, Westley Edgar, lives near where you, Alison, and Diana lived. They don't live there anymore. I know where they live, though, and sometimes I'll check in on them. I try to once a month. Diana has grown up so much. She looks like her mother, but she has your eyes. Alison is doing good. She is casually seeing a guy, but I don't think it will go anywhere. Both are still working through losing you. I am too.

I'm still bad at staying on track, but the almost eight hundred and fifty other letters could have told you that.

This Edgar guy gets the bad guys out of the really bad sentences and a few have even go free. John believes it's injustice. It'll be Edgar playing the game with some of the guys he let go or something. I'm not sure.

As I always say, I miss you. I hope you can forgive me. One day. Maybe.

Your friend,

Adam'

Adam closes the journal and hides it in the top of his closet. As he does, a knock sounds from the door. He slightly panics and goes to grab a jacket from a hanger as the door opens.

"You ready? John wants those pictures of Edgar's wife by tomorrow," Mark asks. Adam nods and pulls on the jacket as he walks toward the door, closing it as he walks out. Mark leads the way to the workshop.

"We're off. We'll be back by five in the morning."

"Don't get caught," John says, not looking up from the contraption he's tinkering with. Mark nods and walks out of the door on the far side of the workshop. Adam follows him to the car and they get in.

"You gonna talk tonight?" Mark asks as he parks the car. Adam looks at him with a neutral face. Mark nods before saying, "Thought so. Why don't you talk?"

Adam just shrugs and turns in his seat to grab his camera from the back seat. When he gets situated in the seat with his camera set up, he sends a text to Mark.

'Did you bring food?'

"No, I did not bring food. I plan on walking down to the convenience store later. Just to have something to do. Unless you need something now?"

Adam shakes his head and holds up a water bottle. Adam pulls up the Netflix app on his phone and turns on the show he and Mark had been watching together. Some kind of glass blowing competition. It seems to shut Mark up and Adam finds it interesting that such beautiful pieces can be made from sand.

The night goes on without a hitch. Mark went and got them food around midnight and Adam got enough photos for John to use. As the pair pull up to the workshop, they notice another car.

"Whose car is that?" Mark asks. Adam shrugs and gets out of the car. With arms full of equipment and left over snacks, Mark and Adam walk into the workshop. "I don't need help. Thanks though."

"Didn't ask. Don't care," Amanda says from where she sits, sketching what looks to be some kind of head cage.

"Not even about Adam?"

"Especially Adam," Amanda quips before standing and glaring at the men. "I don't get why he gets special treatment. Because he won't talk? Because we have to treat him like Lassie? What is it boy? What is it? Little Timmy fall in the well again?"

As Amanda speaks, she pats her legs and pitches her voice higher to taunt Adam.

"Amanda," John's voice echoes around the large space. Amanda turns on her heel.

"What? You treat him differently than me," Amanda's arms are wide.

"I do not and don't argue. Mark and Adam have had a long night, I'm sure. So, why don't we let them go rest and you can start on the plan to get the subjects here."

Adam goes to the red room that John had set up for him and sets the camera equipment down.

"Whose car is that?" Mark asks as Adam makes his way across the workshop floor.

"An old friend," is John's only reply before he walks off toward Amanda. Adam grabs himself a glass of water and downs the whole thing before walking down the hallway to his room.

As he nears the door, he notices that it's open. He stills and presses himself against the wall. Carefully, he peeks around his doorframe and his eyes fall upon a cane leaning against the foot of the bed, then a pair of brown shoes, the right leg straightened out and the left slightly tucked beneath the desk chair where a figure sits. Adam's gaze falls upon his journal in the hands of the person in his room. Not just any journal. The first one he started writing in after he got here. The one that bares all his thoughts and feelings of losing Lawrence, waking up in John Kramer's lair, the one where he learns to breathe again.

Adam doesn't look at the person's before he strides into the room and rips the journal from the hands of the intruder and holds it to his chest as he turns away. He takes a deep breath and walks to his closet where he quickly opens the door and shoves the journal on the shelf before closing the door again. He stands there head against the door as he processes the emotions of some random guy reading his most private thoughts.

A hand on his shoulder causes him to jump. He hunches his shoulders and tries to cave in on himself, begging the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

"I've missed you too, Adam," the intruder's voice is familiar. Adam's eyes widen as he turns around to face the man before him.

"Lawrence?"

[tackytigerfic]

I just love your fics. so much.

I don't even have the words. Thanks so much for sharing your gifts with all of us. <3

Anon 😭 I don't know what prompted this but I am so touched by your message. Thank you. I should say that it's really me who should be grateful - I never thought I'd be able to do anything creative, or have friends with the same (very specific, niche, queer wizard-related 😂) interest. Being in fandom and having people like you say nice things about my writing has brought me so much pleasure, given me a new confidence, and allowed me to explore a creative side of myself i never knew i had. I'm very grateful for your kindness. I wasn't able to write a little something to say thank you but here's a little snip of something I will be working on after my current project is done!

There wasn’t much notice before the hitwizards arrived.

It was the dog, that stupid yappy little pup of Dudley’s, that tipped Draco off. If it weren’t for the dog, they’d probably all be dead.

Finnegan was standing by the big double doors to the garden, and the dog was lolling at his feet, tail swishing along the floor and tongue hanging from its mouth. Then the dog’s ears pricked up and it scrambled to its feet, little paws clicking frantically at the glass as it leapt at the French doors.

Harry’s cousin—that useless sack of meat, Draco wanted to hurt him—was the one who cinched it for Draco. Because while everyone else was watching the dog, Draco was watching Dudley, and he could see by Dudley's face that the dog wasn't acting normal. That got Draco moving.

The others weren’t far behind, in fairness to them. Finnegan was sharp as a tack, and for all his messing around, he was highly trained and swift to react. Ginny Weasley never hung about in the face of action—she may not have even known what was happening, but the second she saw the look on Draco’s face she was moving, swinging into defensive stance, pulling Luna along behind her. Longbottom looked slow and steady, but he was deadly when he was pissed off, and anyway, surely nothing could be quite as terrifying as a massive man-eating magical snake, and Longbottom had taken care of that fairly briskly at seventeen. A little ambush probably didn’t faze him.

Draco swallowed down his own sick terror, and wished yet again that he wasn’t such a coward; he fucking hated the fighting part, and especially now that he had so much to lose. He wondered if it was partly because he was frightened of who they might send after him. He was pretty certain that if his father was at the other end of a wand, he still wouldn’t be able to bring himself to kill him. Though he’d try very fucking hard, at least he could be sure of that.

“Get upstairs, Dudley,” Harry said briskly, “and take your mum with you. Hide, if you can.” He didn’t bother watching Dudley slinking out of the room, powerful shoulders rippling as he hung his head. All Harry's focus was on the garden; he was in fighting mode, and that made Draco feel a tiny bit better. Harry had never let him die before, chances were he wasn’t going to start now.

“They’ll come in from front and back.” Harry was at the curtain, eyes narrowed as he peered into the garden. There was still no sign of them, but here and there Draco could see a shimmer of something, like a ripple against the privet hedge and the rose bush and the big magnolia tree. “They’d be stupid not to take advantage of the house. We’re like rats in a cage here. The good news is that they probably don’t know there are so many of us here. Draco, how did they track us down?”

“Could be anything,” Draco said queasily. “I didn’t think to check anything like that. Fucking stupid. We’ll need to run some scans, later. If… if we…” 

Harry looked around at him from the window, wand hand flexing as he drew from his holster. He smiled, that heartbreaker of a thing that made Draco want to fight for him.

“Yeah, let’s do that,” he said. “When we get out of here, we’ll do that.”

[perchingowl]

Owl's whumpy-tober 2023 prompts

I've been thinking about whether to do whumptober or not, mainly because the prompts are much more geared towards modern day whump and I don't really vibe with that this year ^^; As such, these are my prompts for the month of October. So, let's see if I manage 31 fics ^_^

01 GETTING A LITTLE HEATED Alcohol | Fire | "It's getting hot in here."

02 HEY, WHO TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS? Broken light source | Lost | "We have been here before."

03 ON KNIFE'S EDGE Rusty Blade | Blood | "This will only hurt a bit."

04 HANGING IN THERE Rope | Dangling | "This doesn't look good."

05 BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS Drenched Sheets | Fever | "For how long have they been like this?"

06 FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE Letters | Secrets | "Why didn't you tell me?"

07 A LITTLE TORTURE GOES A LONG WAY Brass Knuckles | Pain | "Please, make it stop."

08 DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH Garotte | Fighting for breath | "Give up!"

09 CAVE-ING IN Rocks | Buried Alive | "I wish I was with you instead."

10 READY, SET, GO! Ammunition | Hunt | "Run for your lives!"

11 JUST A LITTLE UNWELL Medication | Illness | "This will help you."

12 SHOW SOME RESTRAINT Shackles | Imprisonment | "You are never getting out of that/here."

13 DREAM A LITTLE DREAM (OF ME) Roof | Nightmares | "Is this real?"

14 NOTHING TO SEE HERE Blindfold | Deprivation | "That's enough."

15 ALL WRAPPED UP AND READY TO GO Bandages | Bleeding out | "So much blood."

16 IT'S NOT THE FALL THAT KILLS YOU Failsafe | Free Fall | "I can't hold on!"

17 MUSIC TO MY EARS Table | Screams | "They always tell us in the end."

18 OVER THEIR (DEAD) BODY Spike | Pinned | "Don't move!"

19 A LITTLE SHOCK NEVER HURT ANYONE, RIGHT? Metal Rod | Electricity | "Don't touch it!"

20 ROUGH SEAS Flotsam | Dry Drowning | "Deep breaths!"

21 WHERE IS MY MIND? Ring | Mind Control | "That's not you!"

22 THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN … Bright Light(s) | Blinded | "I can't see."

23 THINGS GETTING A LITTLE HAZY Maze | Disorientation | "What is happening?"

24 THE COURT IS IN SESSION Kangaroo Court | False Accusation | "Guilty as charged."

25 FRESH OUT OF LUCK Dead-end | Cornered | "There is no way out."

26 I'M A DOCTOR, NOT A PROMPT! Medical Bag | Field Surgery | "We can't lose them."

27 ALL ALONE Bars | Left behind | "Where are you?"

28 DEAD TO THE WORLD Blanket | Fatigue | "Rest - you will need it."

29 CALM BEFORE THE STORM Open Field | Hail | "It's close now!"

30 RED TAPE Muzzle | Silence | "Shut them up!"

31 REST IN PIECES Cot | Respite | "How are you doing?"

I've made these prompts for fun and wanted to post them for reference when I upload my fics. If you want to use them, feel free to - no need to tag me. Anyway, wish me luck, the last few months have not been conductive to being a fic writer (work got bloody stressful, my laptop broke with me still not having a replacement and I have thoroughly lost track of answering to messages and comments, for which I'm very sorry).

[16-pennies]

Literally hurling myself into your ask box to say I LOVE Silver and I am shamefully, shamefully behind on reading it.

Have you ever done that thing where you open a fic in a tab, burn through 50k of it in a day, and then like... lose the tab? And forget to subscribe? And then come back months later and you can't even remember what chapter you got to???

It's completely disgraceful and I'm going to be re-reading it from the beginning, which actually just works out as a wonderful little treat for myself!

Aaaaanyway that's my grovelling done. Sorry you're bored and lonely! That sucks :( AMA literally whenever I'm never busy lol

So a question for you!

How are you feeling now you're so close to the end of Silver?! From the dates it looks like you're on track for finishing it almost exactly two years after starting it! Do you have something else that you're working on next, or are you taking a well-deserved break?

Hi hi hi!!! Thank you so much for the ask <3 And you're so relatable. The number of fics I've half-read and then completely lost track of is embarrassing. I'd love to hear your thoughts as you embark on your reread!

I didn't even notice that Silver might wrap up on its 2 year anniversary. It's strange to think of how much my life has changed in that period. As to how I'm feeling... nervous 😬 I have no problem admitting that plot is my weakness and I think satisfying endings are difficult for me. I'd hate to think that my readers made it through 220k+ only to feel like I could've wrapped it up better.

But other than my own insecurity, I'm excited to be able to say I have a completed draft for such a massive word count. There are still a few scenes I need to fill in, which is why I don't know exactly how many chapters are left.

I'll probably make a more detailed post about this when the story is finished, but I came up with the premise for Silver and wrote the first chapter(s) when I was 15. (So if you're rereading those early chapters, sorry about the lesser quality. I did my best with editing.) I didn't come back to it until I was 21. It's been an interesting journey, writing characters that I looked up to and now am much older than.

Anyway. Let me stop there before I philosophise for thousands of words.

Since I finished the bulk of Silver in 2021, I've been working on my next longfic (thought not as long as Silver) I'm calling The Trial. It's a lumione, post-canon Ministry shenanigans with some trauma not-quite-recovery thrown in. I know that ship isn't everyone's cup of tea, but it's been my guilty pleasure for years and I'm excited to write something more substantial than one-shots for them. It's also been one of the most challenging drafts I've ever worked on, as far as process goes, but that's a different conversation.

That's probably way more answer than you asked for, so I'll stop here, but if you ever want to chat my ask/messages/whatever else are always open!

bel

[the-firebird69]

Coming up kind of soon that stuff is not going to be possible and June 4th might be a little late

Thor Freya

The whole planet might blow up no the Moon but it might be absorbed and of course you'll be running the wrong way

Olympus

I didn't really know that but I've been laughing at you anyways Trump because a lot of people want to try that and they'll kill you and you're killing them and they kill you back and soon to be dust because nobody wants that s*** and when it's out there like it's going to be in moments your people are going to be gone

Zeus

We do understand you have a big mouth and you're probably tell people and we really need you to cuz your people are heinous they're trying to destroy the Earth from here all the time and we need to get rid of you and the empire was threatening it so they lost their toys

Hera soon they're going to lose the rest of them and they didn't do the major work necessary to keep detonations from occurring as you can imagine

So I have the main player here

Trump

You don't really what you have is a death sentence on you and really they're gaining power and you lost your power and you can't even tell you're so stupid. You encourage them you encourage my race they were forced to do it and you're in a blame and we need to shut you up and shut you down and you're such a w**** it's not even funny and you're stupid as hell your plan is not going to go forwards

That's the end of the line for you is Titan

Mac Daddy

You and yours have no right to make those decisions and his don't and he doesn't

Trump

We don't have to make those decisions stupid you're making them for us to get rid of yourself you're going to go up there and you're going to die and we don't have to do it it's already going to happen and we know about it and we don't have to sit down and judge you so you can try and weasel out of it I do want you dead and so does Mac but that's besides the fact that Tommy f is going to finish you off and you'll be gone because of that grudge match that you started on purpose to get ships and you haven't gotten one stone ship not one you're a pitiful loser I say again you are a massive loser and a p**** for picking on me thinking you get stuff when you don't you made it absolutely necessary for me and people and people are not doing that other than your clan and you and people you encourage it's amazing I could easily stop you from going to Titan without trying but right now homo it makes more sense and it's more effective to have the other homo hit you the homo and really she puts his dick through your head before this happens he f**** your head and I believe he ejaculates into your cranial cavity into your gray matter his little sperm start eating your brain. It's a little lesson okay you don't treat people like me like you are you will end up dead. So yeah we should judge you and we should tell people to stop your people and we have every right and anything that is living on this planet has a right to kill you and or your people because you want to do it to them and you announced it so yeah by natural law everyone has a right by the laws the government the United States of America and the world people have a right to stop you from killing them and because of the nature and severity of the crime they have a right to shoot you dead on sight every right that you can imagine is in their possession because of you and your confession and it let everybody to meetings of your people they know who got the messages and it's most of them and those people have a right to die

Zues Hera

I didn't say it like that and he says so what I don't go buy what you say and I don't follow your arguments I say what I'm saying and what I want to say and get out but you did afford that to come out and you made it come out and God bless you for being so f****** dumb.... I do get this that's a dumb thing to do what I'm doing and I keep doing it he doesn't care 2 months I'll be gone or a month whatever it is I should keep track of it he says because that's the day of my death he says so last day that I'll be alive at all and I'm going to be on display in westborough Massachusetts for people to see and to find the plan that I hatched and to kill off any other dumb a****** doing it. I am following that and looking for the max too we'll try and remove the skeletons and other documents that are there. So we're aware of this instance happening and we know you are and I say ridiculous flipping things but still we're trying to do that and people have the right to kill us is true it causes things to happen and he says not really at this time we're too small and I keep pushing it and the robot computers are not doing well so I'm starting to see something else everybody wants to fight with me so not really he says you start fights because you're an imbecile and very annoying, and he said that and it's true but I know is I'm fighting for my corner of the universe it says no people figured out where you're fighting for you're not threatening for stuff and you want to hit and all this stuff and they're going after you they have a right to kill you and you don't have a right to hassle me and harass me like you are now you have a right to die.. and it says that I get angry but who cares he says I'm supposed to and he filled me up full of hatred and he says who cares I needed to light someone up to get my army going and it worked and I used you cuz you're a stupid f***. And his arm is huge and I don't know that his army is huge and I don't know that and I went through the whole thing and I can't figure it out and people are going to blame me for something that may not have happened and he says ignorance is bliss and both sides can be ignorant and in this case my people just blame people for doing stuff that they that is popular belief true or not any ads thank you very much for helping to cover me up again so now if you and me and he says so what you're supposed to be you're going to get hit people hit fuming loser end of Earth people and he says that and it's true so I finished my day knowing I'll probably die like a kamikaze

Trump

Perfect we have the confession on tape

Mac Daddy

We're sending it out with the orders to eliminate your people Trump last night they went out there and died now I'm more going to die

Ben Arnold

Olympus print would you

[arispensieve]

badly written ramblepost because I fucked up my entire brain on a bad trip and I am not feeling very resilient about it.

so. good news! no longer eel at all. bad news, have accidentally turned my brain to mush and am now doing the equivalent of gently spoonfeeding it after perhaps the worst mental experience of my life!

Not sure if it was the worst EVENT of my life (church shit, raf, losing em, pallas etc still have their place), but I can't remember a time I felt worse mentally right now and it made me suicidal again in the middle which scared the shit out of me

Piper was very good about it, said she has tripsat much worse than that, and said I was incredibly polite for someone having a bad trip which is a little bit ridiculous. Guess I've been training my whole life for this. No one is better at having non-disruptive panic attacks and then apologizing for them than I am by now. (This is probably a lie, but a lie with a grain of truth.)

Anyway she gave me a propranolol which was supposed to make me not traumatized by it (appreciated but considering how badly I'm shaking remembering it, seems to have been ineffective) and, when I begged her for something to knock me out and let me sleep through it and wake up normal, a fuckton of xanax. which also didn't do as much as I think they're supposed to do to other people, I just sat there suffering intensely until my muscles stopped holding me up and I keeled over and put my face in the security bucket I was hugging, at which point she made me lie down. I vaguely recall asking if I needed to go to the hospital, she said no. I also wanted to call my parents, though when I thought about it I realized they'd freak out, I didn't want to talk to them, and that wouldn't really help, but it was the same sense of I have made a mistake and I want out of this situation. I also didn't want to talk to Piper, and felt frustrated and panicked whenever she spoke, which made me feel like an asshole. I wanted to pretend I was somewhere else, I guess, and couldn't while she was talking.

It wasn't new, though, is the thing. It was basically a dialed up to 11 version of the same sensory overload meltdown thing that I used to get a lot more often when I was a kid, and most recently had on the way back from the eclipse. Except so much fucking worse.

But it wasn't new. I wasn't being shown the universe or anything, or having unusual thoughts that I couldn't handle. It really just reminded me of a dance in 7th grade when I lost my entire mind and had a similarly awful panic attack complete with the sense of I fucked up so bad and I want out of this situation RIGHT NOW. I hate where I am. I hate what I'm doing. I hate me. I need to leave. But I was already in one of the few places I generally feel safe, at the farm in Piper's bed. There was nowhere to go to fix the situation. And the feeling, though the same design and flavor, was so much worse than it had ever been before.

I think I said "If I die/if you kill me, does this stop", and Piper said we would pretend I didn't say that. I said sorry, but was too busy suffering to muster up much remorse. Still, I sternly told myself not to say that again, or anything else about dying. I went back to saying "I love you, I'm not mad at you, please please stop talking" anytime she opened her mouth, which was also quite rude of me but I thought if anyone talked to me I might start screaming and never stop. Also the quiet only lasted a few minutes tops each time so I had to keep saying it.

Anyway. I lay down, as instructed, and waited for something different to happen, or hopefully to die, which upset me a bit. I asked Piper to put on Pippin very very quietly, because of its good track record for unsuicidaling me, and she graciously did so. she also at some point wrote me a bunch of notes on the paper, which did not hurt my brain the way listening did, which I appreciated.

At that point I decided to risk messaging Grace, because I thought they might be slightly comforting and I realized that I could tolerate text. Sent them a message full of typos. They told me that they loved me and I was a person and they were very happy that I visited them because they'd had a shit week, and that made me feel better enough that I could open one eye when Extraordinary started playing and make my first comment, which was you're such a whiny bitch, Pippin.

He's the clown! said Piper. I winced, but it wasn't as bad anymore, so it seemed like I might be starting to push through it. Except I couldn't actually physically move at all from the absurd amount of xanax, which was kind of scary on its own and caused its own set of problems.

(those got more or less resolved in their interesting ways that I will not be writing down here, but I do think that's what saved me 10 times more than any propranolol because it was the only fun bit in a whole bunch of hell. I owe Piper like 200 for that alone let alone the entire trip but she just thinks it's funny and is way more embarrassed about some other thing I shall not name which I couldn't care less about so I guess it evens out)

Anyway I did eventually sleep. Woke up feeling fragile as hell and terrified of everything and like I just wanted to curl up somewhere and be treated gently. Piper sort of did that, but also seemed to want to have big conversations which I did not internally handle well, but frankly she was so good about actually tripsitting me she could talk about whatever she damn well needed to.

Still feel... fragile, and afraid, and tired, a day later. I don't like that at all.

[baekhvuns]

The truck comeback announcement was amazing lmao, but the design is different? Reminds me of lots of different groups, like Enhypen for example, it looks more... magical? Mysterious? And "paradigm" hmmm interesting. The cube is back too.

I laugh when Atinys say "Ateez only has Atinys" because yeah obviously, lmaooo but no, they also have their idol fan boys

Winning calls every few months is normal, even one or two each comeback, but multiple times EVERY SINGLE TIME, and you make them act embarrassing, maybe it's fun for some of them, but come on... just give other fans a chance. ☠ I posted my 2020 calls with Atz and Skz on Twitter, but deleted and privated my account afterwards, because people were annoying. I also didn't want to share akydjaysishsjdhnshs

Angel Hwa is so important to me, but I'll always be team vampires! I like CAT BOYS and maybe fox boys, not alphas 😭

I was lucky to experience Shinee's OT5 concerts twice, but once it was in Japan... They came to London too, then we had Music Bank with Taemin in Berlin, but I NEED MORE

Unfortunately Taehyung has been absent and hasn't appeared in my subconsciousness recently, but once he comes back I'll pass your message.

Omg, so many HP actors had died already :(

And yeah in TB I was team Eric... not always, but I've always had a thing for blonde vampires I guess. Ever since Buffy lol

I swear I'm gonna ban you from using the "BUT DO THEY END UP TOGETHER???" sentence 🔪🔪🔪🔪 they're gonna end up together in my fucking dreams, alright 😠

Speaking of Japanese comebacks, so many people around me hate them. What's with the Japanese discrimination I don't love all Japanese tracks, and JP versions of existing songs are usually unnecessary, though Inception in Japanese I love it, same with Utopia! But many original Japanese tracks are solid. Maybe it's because I used to be into jpop and jrock before getting into Korean music

My baby??? I'm not seeing this 🙈 unless we're talking about cats. Btw I watched this messed up show about a girl birthing cats?!

OMG NO, the only man I want is Seonghwa, so I need Y/N x Hwa endgame alright. Just because I be looking at Minki doesn't mean I'm not loyal to the only man ever!

Seonghwa in a suit, I saw a comment that said "My client just got a life sentence, but I looked stunning" so true, be my lawyer plsss. I hate him - I don't wanna see his behaviour on stage today

Why aren't we invited to the SM party??? And kfc they need to do something about the visa issues because it's crazy??? Or better STOP ORGANISING EVENTS IN THE STATES - yes I'm US-phobic. But have you seen this Kaife?! So cute

The quiz was spot on, kpop in a nutshell, though I got the most popular result :/ "don't lie i know you don't give a fuck about all of them!!!! JUST PICK ONE I KNOW YOU LIKE THE MOST POPULAR ONE ANYWAYS" I mean I don't lie about being OTX, because I always have strong tunnel vision 💁🏼‍♀️

🙄 each slide is just...

I'm insane about this, our model - though model Seonghwa is still on ym shitlist! You know I'm team fuck them kids, but some people will go insane if Seonghwa appeared on that show...

Btw have you seen Clannad, I'm rewatching it right now and... you already know what ashshkaysushskajduyesgwh. I also forgot how sad it was at times... - DV 💖

hi hello!

The truck comeback announcement was amazing lmao, but the design is different? Reminds me of lots of different groups, like Enhypen for example, it looks more... magical? Mysterious? And "paradigm" hmmm interesting. The cube is back too.

LMFAOOOO ITS SO FUNNY WHO DOES THAT AND WHAT IF THAT FAN DIDNT GO OUTSIDE THAT DAY DBDBD magical! quite nostalgic too,, esp that song tune they did at kcon 🔫🔫 it sounds so pretty,, paradigm is def an interesting name! sounds complicated asf 😭

I laugh when Atinys say "Ateez only has Atinys" because yeah obviously, lmaooo but no, they also have their idol fan boys

BFMWBDKW LITERALLY when they say it quite literally i lose my shit 😭😭

Winning calls every few months is normal, even one or two each comeback, but multiple times EVERY SINGLE TIME, and you make them act embarrassing, maybe it's fun for some of them, but come on... just give other fans a chance. ☠ I posted my 2020 calls with Atz and Skz on Twitter, but deleted and privated my account afterwards, because people were annoying. I also didn't want to share akydjaysishsjdhnshs

NO BC IMAGINE SEEING THAT PERSON REPEATEDLY EVERY SINGLE FANCALL 😭😭😭 and they be saying the shittiest things too,, ban those 10 ppl right now 🔫 OH NO WAY??? DMAN WE CANT HAVE ANYTHING NICE IN THIS HOUSE 😭😭

Angel Hwa is so important to me, but I'll always be team vampires! I like CAT BOYS and maybe fox boys, not alphas 😭

SO IN CONCLUSION FURRY BOYS????

I was lucky to experience Shinee's OT5 concerts twice, but once it was in Japan... They came to London too, then we had Music Bank with Taemin in Berlin, but I NEED MORE

omg pLEASE IM SO JEALOUS OF EVERYONE WHO GOT TO SEE OT5 😭😭😭😭 HOW WAS IT THO?? omg taemin’s mubank in berlin was so legendary omg NO TAEMIN SHOULD HAVE A FULL WORLD TOUR PLS AND LET THE SET LIST HAVE FLAME OF LOVE SAYONARA HITORI AND HEAVEN IN IT I WOULD MAKE HIM MY NEW RELIGION RIGHT THERE,,, after hearing about sm’s plans for their next year all their artists are coming back as full groups SO WE BETTER GET WORLD TOURS IM BUYING THE MOST EXPENSIVE TICKET FHWKFJWK

Unfortunately Taehyung has been absent and hasn't appeared in my subconsciousness recently, but once he comes back I'll pass your message.

fortunately ur mr thv has been absent due to him earning his bread butter I HOPE HE COMES IN UR DREAMS TONIGHT ✨✨🤲🏼

Omg, so many HP actors had died already :(

right 😭😭😭 it’s so crazy to see something everyone’s grown up watching vanish in front of ur eyes 😭🤚🏼

And yeah in TB I was team Eric... not always, but I've always had a thing for blonde vampires I guess. Ever since Buffy lol

YOU LIKE BLOND VAMPIRES WHO ARE SLIGHTLY/ MISUNDERSTOOD MEAN????

I swear I'm gonna ban you from using the "BUT DO THEY END UP TOGETHER???" sentence 🔪🔪🔪🔪 they're gonna end up together in my fucking dreams, alright 😠

LMFAOOOO BFMWDHAKVDAK SCREAMED sEE IN THE END OF THE DAY HWA GETS TO CHOSE <3

Speaking of Japanese comebacks, so many people around me hate them. What's with the Japanese discrimination I don't love all Japanese tracks, and JP versions of existing songs are usually unnecessary, though Inception in Japanese I love it, same with Utopia! But many original Japanese tracks are solid. Maybe it's because I used to be into jpop and jrock before getting into Korean music

ppl hate japanese tracks???? they are literally some of the best songs out there,, like the electro pop’s + retro + traditional styles are at their peak amazing??? NO UR RIGHT SOMETIMES THE SONG DOESNT DELIVER THAT WELL IN A DIFF VERSION it’s better if they make songs just for that certain language! omg inception is so pretty in japanese 😭😭😭🤚🏼 yEAH MANY ARE SOLID! personally wasn’t in jpop but id be head banging and playing the ost’s of amines on repeat BC SOME SLAP SO SO HARD

My baby??? I'm not seeing this 🙈 unless we're talking about cats. Btw I watched this messed up show about a girl birthing cats?!

LMFAOOOO 😭😭😭 IM SORRY WHAT THE FUCK RHKWDAL ANON WHAT 😭😭😭?????? HELP??? GIRLIE BIRTHED A FURRY????

OMG NO, the only man I want is Seonghwa, so I need Y/N x Hwa endgame alright. Just because I be looking at Minki doesn't mean I'm not loyal to the only man ever!

HFJWHDJ ARE U SURE

ANON BC I KNOW THAT LITTLE SAN YN MOMENT IN DUKE DID MAKE PPL ROOT FOR THEM ☺️☺️ tho i would say is this…the hwa

aND

Seonghwa in a suit, I saw a comment that said "My client just got a life sentence, but I looked stunning" so true, be my lawyer plsss. I hate him - I don't wanna see his behaviour on stage today

this man always delivers in suits, i need his closet so bad,,, men in suits <<< hwa in suits,, no what is up with these kpop idols looking so fine in a suit 😭😭 FBWMFJWK BE MY LAWYER LMFAOOO BFKWHD his behaviour on stage is becoming UNBEARABLE !!!!!!!! IM TIRED !!!!! JUST ONE SECOND TO BREATHE !!!!!

Why aren't we invited to the SM party??? And kfc they need to do something about the visa issues because it's crazy??? Or better STOP ORGANISING EVENTS IN THE STATES - yes I'm US-phobic. But have you seen this Kaife?! So cute

HELP LITERALLY WE WOULD SCREAM AND HYPE EVERYONE UP!!!!! INTERNING AS A PHOTOGRAPHER BESTIE LETS GO,, NO SERIOUSLY PLS STOP WITH US THEY GET EVERY FUCKING THING !!!!! EVERY THING !!!! AND THE CONCERTS ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS !!!! RACISTS !!!!! will forever be u.s phobic to bad idc that country is hated and they need to kNOW 😭😭😭 PLS THATS SO CUTE I SAW ON WITH CAKES THAT WERE DECORATED IN HIS ALBUMS ART AND GUCCI AND SO SO PRETTY

and the way sm spoke about it 😳

The quiz was spot on, kpop in a nutshell, though I got the most popular result :/ "don't lie i know you don't give a fuck about all of them!!!! JUST PICK ONE I KNOW YOU LIKE THE MOST POPULAR ONE ANYWAYS" I mean I don't lie about being OTX, because I always have strong tunnel vision 💁🏼‍♀️

LMFAOOOO GOT CALL OUT SO HARD FJWKDJWK 😭😭😭 BDSNDH STRONG TUNNEL VISION I GOT THE COMPANY STAN HEAR ME OUT IM NOT LIKE ONE OF THOSE 😭😭🤚🏼

🙄 each slide is just...

ANON

I'm insane about this, our model - though model Seonghwa is still on ym shitlist! You know I'm team fuck them kids, but some people will go insane if Seonghwa appeared on that show...

STOP HES SO CUTE 😭😭😭 MY TURN WHEN WOOYOUNG 🔫🔫 OMF BRKWHD PLS ITS MODEL HWA’D LOOKS THAT GET THOSE POSTS ON IG ABOUT BEING ICONIC AND ITS JUST HIM BREATHING,,, im people.

Btw have you seen Clannad, I'm rewatching it right now and... you already know what ashshkaysushskajduyesgwh. I also forgot how sad it was at times... - DV 💖

my face had a smile throughout this ask and now u mentioned that dreaded anime and my smile just dropped,,, why. WHY WOULD U IMAGINE HIM AS THATR GQJDHQK GET IT OUT OF UR MIND RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW KEOWNRJKW

???? it’s always him 😭😭

BESTIE THOUGHTS

vv la la land vibes! u bet im putting this in yunho’s fic 💃

quizzie!!

AND JIN ENLISTING???

[books-and-catears]

Hey! I love your writing and I was wondering if you could do the Brothers (+now datables if you can) reacting to a teen!MC that's like a sibling to them being bothered by someone over text? I'm 14 and recently there's been this guy that won't stop texting me, asking me to be his girlfriend and asking for...other things. Anyways, it's getting annoying and I tried blocking him but he made other accounts, so I just told my parents. It's alright if you don't do this, thanks anyways! Have a great day!

Oh my god. That boy needs to be reported ASAP. I'm glad you told your parents, little one. Hope they took action and you're safe. These sort of people are just ugh. Hope he isn't bothering you anymore?

And don't worry, the demo brothers would definitely protect you and take drastic measures against him.

The Demon brothers protecting Teen!MC

You were sitting in the living room with everybody else. Lucifer was near the fireplace doing some left over paperwork. Mammon and Asmo were arguing about who looked better in the magazine covers. Levi was enthusiastically telling Satan why light novels based on anime can also classify as literature. Beel was happily munching some new treats Luke had made while Belphie snoozed in his lap.

Diavolo and Simeon were listening to Solomon's adventures in the human world. Barbatos and Luke were talking about recipe.

You were smiling to yourself at the calm chaos around you as you surfed the internet when that brat messaged you again. "UGH LEAVE ME ALONE!" you groaned in annoyance as you deleted the messages and blocked the sender. The brothers all looked at you in suprise and worry.

"Is something the matter, MC?"

Sighing, you tell them your situation. And then chaos ensues.

Lucifer

The audacity of that ill-mannered little trout. He'll surely have to discipline him.

"Give me his number MC."

"Are you going to call and threaten him?"

"No I just need to track his location and pay him a visit. In my true form."

Legit pin drop silence from that end now. Like he never even existed.

Count on Lucifer to scare him off existence in general.

Mammon

Who dare keep annoying his human like that-

"Oi MC show me his face!"

"What are you planning?"

"I'm going to make sure he has nothing bad luck for the whole week."

From losing his wallet twice, dropping his phone on his face and then getting constantly attacked by crows at random points of the day, you were convinced he'd learnt his lesson.

Noone messes with you under Mammon's care anymore.

Leviathan

Noone treats his best friend like that without dire consequences.

"Give me his account names."

"Are you going to hack them?"

"Oh hacking is most harmless thing on my mind. What follows is going to be so much more fun. Just you wait MC."

Next thing you know, the annoying guy is a meme now. All the texts and everything were outed on his on account as he did them himself and was proud of it.

Levi's skills of internet audience management are no less than Asmo's.

Satan

Someone surely has the nerve to harass a human who's looked over by the Avatar of Wrath himself? This will be fun.

"How would you like me to torture him, MC?"

"Um..."

"Don't worry it will only be a nightmare. His worst one yet."

Oh Satan was very true to his word. He's now your guardian demon of sorts. Anyone who messes with you has deadly nightmares.

You got a hundred scared apology texts before his account vanished off the grid.

Asmodeus

Oh he's dealt with this so many times. Leave this to Asmo, honey.

"He's on social media right?"

"Yeah but what are you going to do?"

"Call him out of course. Nothing is more horrifying public shaming."

Your messages are flooded with comforting messages while that brat gets his accounts suspended for harassment.

Asmo is the master of social life, you're well protected from brats online.

Beelzebub

Isn't MC only 14? They are too young and they shouldn't be dealing with this.

"I'm going to eat him."

"Um, Beel-"

"Fine I'll just eat his phone then. And a bunch of other stuff."

This became a huge urban legend in the human world where if you harass a minor a deathly wild animal will come hunting for you.

Of course Beel doesn't know that, he's just happy you're safe.

Belphegor

Why can't humans just sleep instead of doing disgsuting stuff like this? See this is exactly he wanted to doom humanity. Well now atleast he can doom one problematic human.

"Beel let's go."

"You both are going together?"

"Two demons are better than one."

Yeah so the legend says the sleep paralysis demon doesn't just stand at the corner of your bed anymore.

Do tell him the next time another brat like this tries to annoy you. He'll happily take care of it.

Solomon

Ah these kind of humans ruin the reputation for the rest of us. So pathetic.

"I have a simple solution for this."

"Somehow I doubt that."

"No really all I'm going to do is curse his phone."

Yeah his cursed his phone alright. And every other phone he ever came to possess. Any text with bad intentions would turn into silly memes or unreadable typos.

Aw isn't Solomon a sweetheart?

Simeon and Luke

Sigh. See this is why y'all can't make it up to the Celestial realm.

"He needs a divine intervention."

"Like what?"

"You'll see."

He became one of those jokes on the internet where the people send wrong things to the wrong people. Whatever he was texting you went to his family group chat. All of it.

Simeon is pretty sneaky for someone who is bad with technology. Oh wait that was Luke. Still sneaky.

Diavolo and Barbatos

A problematic human, you say? Don't worry we're used to a lots of them.

"Ah just let us know who is he is we'll take care of him."

"You both have eerily big smiles on your faces."

"Nothing we are just going have a fun trip on Earth."

They drag him down to tell to personally apologize to you. In handcuffs, chains and everything. The demon way.

What else were you expecting from the crown Prince of Hell?

[maseshine]

Reconnecting, Mason Mount 

Request: Termination Part Three, @degeathesaviour @obsesseds-world @demiadele

Warning: Some tears, comfort

Words: 992

Notes: It's about to become a series, but I'm honestly glad they're enjoying it, because I certainly am.  Want the last part?

Author's Note: I know a lot of people write with the use of quotes, but I'm used to using the dash, so I hope it's not a problem.

Part One, Part Two

Sometimes you felt really sorry for not being able to say no to people.  Whatever they asked you, you would accept.  Disappointing people was something that made you feel bad.  Incredibly bad.

So when Debbie Mount showed up at your flat and invited you - it reads almost demanding - to watch the Euro final with the whole Mount family, you had no choice but to accept.

You were still following Mason's matches, you were a loyal Chelsea fan and a patriot to the tune, so you couldn't help but watch the games.  You watched the Champions Final and almost exploded with pride in the club.  They deserved this victory.  He deserved it.

But, you weren't expecting the message you received, you weren't expecting anything else from him.  But, he did it anyway.  There was never an answer back, you didn't want to get hurt or go back to creating things that didn't exist, not when you were starting to get your life back on track.

But, it seemed that fate's plans weren't those.  You've always been close to the whole Mount family, so it was no surprise they all had you as a daughter, they watched you grow up.  You could never deny anything to either of them, not face to face, Debbie knew that very well and used it to her advantage.

Looking out at the green lawn you wondered if it really was such a good idea to be there, you and Mason had been nothing for months, and you could even see some cell phones pointed at you when people thought you were entertained on your cell phone.

You didn't like to consider yourself a "famous", but you had a very modest base of followers on Instagram, you were a photographic model and after the breakup with Mason you started to become a digital influencer which brought in a few new followers daily.  Some people recognized you for your work as well as your old relationship.

Many Mason fan pages cheered for the return of dating.  You were enchanted by the affection they had for you.  It was comforting not to be seen as a goldsmith.  Dating Mason since the age of sixteen must have helped the trial.  After all, you were with him even before he became famous.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard Lewis' voice.

━ I can see the gears turning in his pretty head, Y / N / N.

━ It's because they are!  I don't know if I came here, Lewis.  I haven't seen your brother in months, we broke up.  ━ The older one sent me a warm smile as he wrapped one of his arms around me.

━ A totally dumb decision for Mason, I might add.  But, there's nothing wrong with you being here, you're family.  Even if, I'm not my idiot brother's girlfriend any more.

━ Mason will love to see you here after the match, Y/N.  You've always supported him, it's not fair for you not to be part of this moment, whether he wins or loses. ━ Jaz smiled.

━ I just don't want to cause problems.  ━ You spoke softly.

━ You would never be a problem for us, dear.

You relaxed further when you realized that your relationship was still the same with the Mounts.  They were like his second family.  You didn't want to lose them.

•••

You felt your eyes sting.  England had lost, Italy was the Euro champion.  His eyes didn't stop following Mason for a moment, in his own eyes there were tears he wouldn't shed until he was alone.  Your heart broke even more when you saw Declan state, they didn't deserve this hard blow.  But, that's how football worked.

When placements were over and release of players to the family was allowed you and the Mounts patiently waited for Mason.  Your nervousness starting to show, what would his reaction be when he saw you?  What did that message he sent mean?

He didn't seem to notice his presence once he arrived, but when Lewis whispered something in his ear during their embrace, his head snapped up in his direction.  His eyes becoming brighter when they met his.  You sent him a small smile and in a matter of seconds his arms were around you.

You didn't call the cell phones pointed at you, your concentration was all on him, the tears he held back finally sliding down your face and wetting your neck where your face rested.  After months, you were together again and nothing felt more right than that.

His embrace was strong, his hands began to gently stroke his hair, he was still crying, but he seemed to be calmer.

━ I'm sorry.  I never wanted to let you down.  Excuse. ━ His whisper was muffled, but it had many meanings.

━ I'm proud of you, Mase.  You and the other kids made history.  You filled us all with pride!  ━ I changed the subject, this was not the time to discuss our relationship, we would have time for that.  ━ Look at me.

I pulled his face slightly away from my neck, gently wiping the trail of tears from his face, never breaking our eye contact.  His red eyes stared at me expectantly.

━ I'm really proud of you!  ━ I stated as certainty.  ━ Your gesture with that little girl was beautiful, this defeat does not define who you are, you were amazing.  They only brought us pride.  You gave your best and that's enough!

The grip was strong on you again.

━ I miss you.  Very much.  I was an idiot, I am.  But, I still love you.  Loving you so much.  And I know we need to talk, but for now, just hold me, please.  ━ Your order was so genuine.

━ Okay. I won't let you go.

You didn't know what would happen after that moment.  But I was sure of one thing.  The love she felt for Mason was never gone or gone, it was there, just waiting for a reconnection.

[blueeyedgeorgie]

Cancelled-Dream Was Taken

A/N: Surprise bitch. Weren’t we expecting for me to release mcyt fanfics soon? If I didn’t tag my usual @‘s it’s because idk if you’d like to be tagged for mcyt content.

Pronouns: she/her

Word Count: 2.3k+

_________________

"You're so harsh on him!" Her hands sat on the keyboard, staring at the green human that stood on Y/n's computer screen.

She needed to be careful. While this was a heated moment, she couldn't let herself get too loud for multiple reasons. If she got too loud, Dream's stream viewers would be able to tell she was in the next room or they would just receive noise complaints from their neighbors.

"No Y/n! You're too soft on him! He needs to learn that he can't get away with everything. You're setting him up for failure." As the h/c girl listened to her roommate speak, she had to remind herself over and over again; 'This wasn't real.' Dream was mad, not Clay.

This had all been arranged as roleplay. Y/n would be leaving in a few days to go visit some of her family for a reunion, so Wilbur had been the one to think up the brilliant idea of what was playing out now; an argument between Y/n and Dream. The plan was to have Y/n get so upset she didn't log onto the SMP for the next few days, only to come back with a master plan to backstab Dream.

At first, Clay wasn't really on board with the thought of him getting angry at Y/n. They had been together for a little over a year, there wasn't a single moment they had gotten upset with one another. But surprisingly, Y/n had been the one to convince Clay it was a good idea.

The fans knew Dream and Y/n had a close friendship, Dream had always been so protective of her. But when this was going down, they didn't know how to act.

Every time Y/n would glance at her chat, she'd see thousands of comments rising up as new ones appeared. Comment after comment, it looked like the fans were shocked by the way this stream was turning out.

"I'm not setting him up for anything! He's a kid, Dream!" Y/n glanced from the chat,  back at the screen showing her PC game. Standing on her screen was Dream and Tommyinnit, she had accompanied Dream to visit Tommy.

"You're just babying him! 'He's a kid!' Well, he needs to learn to grow up eventually," his voice had been filled with such spite. It felt weird to hear Clay speaking to her like this in such a tone.

For a moment, she stared at the green man before a short scoff escaped her lips. "I can't believe you." With that, Y/n had pressed a few keys, turning her character towards the nether portal a couple of yards away. Before Dream had gotten the chance to speak again, Y/n began to move away.

"Y/n! Come back here!"

She flicked a few buttons, taking a moment to look behind her character to see Dream following. Good, everything was going according to plan. Within the next few minutes, she'd be able to log off and she'd be on vacation for the next few days.

The h/c girl ignored the green man as she stepped through the portal, taking her to Minecraft's version of hell. Almost done, she just needed to find a good spot to stop as she listened to Dream continue to speak.

"You can't keep ignoring me! You know I'm right in this. You know you can't keep defending Tommy. You know Tommy is driving a wedge between us-"

Perfect. Y/n had stopped just on the edge of a bridge, molten lava sat feet below them. If she fell, she'd surely die. "No."

"No?" Dream was a bit surprised to hear Y/n cut him off, but he stayed silent as he was prepared to listen to what she had to say.

"No. No more. I don't wanna hear you blame Tommy for us breaking apart. I want you to listen to me. You've been acting like much more of a dick than usual and I hate it. I despise it. You've changed for the worst because you think you can step on everyone. At this point, everyone fears to tell you the truth-except me. I'll be a hundred percent honest with you, you've been so egotistical, it's really pissed me off. This is your fault, Dream. Not Tommy's. You exiled a child for pulling a prank on a vacation house! Not even George's real house!"

"But-"

"Shut the fuck up. I'm done, but I don't wanna hear you bullshit me. So shut the fuck up."

A moment of silence passed between them as Y/n stared at her screen. Just a few more steps.

And within seconds, Dream had pulled out his netherite sword. With one hit, she was falling back into lava. Y/n glanced at her chat, a look of shock on her face as she read over what a few comments said. A moment of silent tension had passed before Y/n had finally spoken up, removing her from the voice chat she was in.

"Alright guys, I guess that's enough for the day. I'll see you all... later." With that, she had clicked a few buttons, raiding Dream's live-stream as she ended hers.

For the next 20 to 30 minutes, Y/n knew Clay would be busy streaming. So she had decided to take a bit of time to wind down and think to herself.

Get a glass of water.

'Are the fans harassing him in his twitch chat?'

Sit down on the living room couch.

'The SMP fans were always so protective of me.'

Pet Patches.

'Was I too much when I snapped at him?'

It didn't seem like 30 minutes had passed when Clay had walked out of his streaming room, only to find Y/n on the couch with Patches in her lap. "Hey, N/n." "Oh, your stream is already over?" Y/n smiled, pulling herself out of her thoughts as she scoot over, giving Clay room to take a seat right by her.

"Yeah, did you lose track of time or something?"

"I must've. How did the chat react after I 'died'?" She smiled up at her boyfriend as he wrapped an arm over her shoulders, pulling her closer into his embrace.

"Everyone was filled with joy that you died."-Y/n playfully swatted at him. "Okay, okay! I got a few chat messages of people bashing me for it, but it's fine."

"Well, it's a good thing the chat wasn't completely littered with hate. How was it after my raid?"

"Honestly, not that bad as you expect. Like I said, just a few comments. Nothing bad, I just ignored it." Clay placed a hand on Patches's head, gently scratching her, followed by the animal beginning to purr.

"Good to hear, anyways... I'm not ready to pack. Do you think we can procrastinate?" The h/c girl let out a huff leaning against her boyfriend. "How?"

"I was thinking a bit of movie binging, cuddling, and ordering dinner?" A cheeky smile spread on her face as she spoke.

"It's like you read my mind."

The couple had made it through three movies, by now it was later at night. The sun had set and they had already door dashed some food. By now they were in the middle of watching 'The Empire Strikes Back.'

'I love you.' 'I know.'

The iconic moment between Hans and Leia had been interrupted by the sound of Clay's phone buzzing. "Why is George calling?"

"What?" Y/n was a bit curious herself. Considering the timezones, George should be asleep right now. Pausing the TV, she turned her attention to her boyfriend's phone.

"Hey Clay."

"What's up, George? Isn't it like early in the morning for you?" Clay raised a brow, moving his phone so Y/n would be able to see George as well.

"Yeah, I had to stay up to fix a YouTube video I need to get out today. I was about to go to bed and I checked Twitter-"

"Oh no." Clay made a short joke, only to be cut off by his friend.

"I don't know if it's trending for you in America, but you might as well look."

"What's going on?" He swiped up, taking him to his home screen so he could click on the little blue bird app. Y/n had grabbed her phone from the coffee table, opening up the app as well. "#Cancel Dream... #Y/n... #Dream SMP"

"Is... is Clay getting canceled for killing me in Minecraft?" Y/n scrolled through the tweets involving the hashtag 'Y/n.' She could see plenty of people defending her, but making it much bigger of a problem than it actually was.

"Oh, hey Y/n. But yeah, he is." George chuckled awkwardly, scrolling through his Twitter app as well.

"This is so fucking stupid."

"It really is. So we might as well get this cleared up with the fans as soon as possible. Do you want me to tweet something, or do you want to?" Y/n looked up at her boyfriend, it looked like he was thinking.

"Yeah, I'll tweet it. Don't worry about this, Y/n."

"Alright, whatever you say," she replied, pulling a blanket over her as she waited for Clay to finish typing his response.

"Here's what I'm gonna say: 'I can't believe you guys actually think me and @(y/n) are in an actual fight in real life. We have been good friends since forever, the fight was only roleplay. I love that you guys are so protective of Y/n, but no one's actually upset.' How's that sound?"

"I think that's good," George hummed softly.

"Yeah, I doubt you'll stay 'canceled' once you've explained to them it was all part of the SMP lore." The h/c girl smiled up at her boyfriend with a small nod.

"Alright, I'm gonna post it. George, I think you should go to bed because you're half asleep already."

Y/n turned, looking at her boyfriend's iPhone. "Go to sleep, Gogy!"

"Alright, alright... I'll talk to you guys later." The call had ended with Clay and Y/n saying goodbye to their friend while George simply yawned to them as a response.

As soon as the call was over, Clay looked at the response to his tweet. It didn't seem to be going too well. There had been a few fans who understood what was going on and responded with a paragraph as an apology for the misunderstanding. But most replies had been telling Clay he was bullshitting the fans or that he wasn't being honest.

"I'm sorry, Clay," his girlfriend had huffed as she read through the responses to his tweet.

"Honestly I'm just a bit pissed off. Literally, any time someone tries to 'cancel' me, it's over something stupid. I'm not a bad guy, it just feels like some people just don't want to see me succeed." Clay had excused himself to grab a glass of water from the kitchen.

It hurt Y/n to hear how upset her boyfriend was. He never got too upset over things, but seemed to take a small toll on him. "Hold on. Let me say something." The h/c girl couldn't be asked to post multiple tweets of her response to hate sent towards Clay over the internet. So what was better than a short video that could be posted to the blue bird app?

"Um, hey guys. I'd just like to make this quick. Stop sending hate towards Dream. The fight was roleplay and nothing more. I'm gonna be busy for the next couple of days so Wilbur thought of a good idea to help build SMP lore with me and Dream and we both agreed to the argument. Now stop sending the green man hate, or I'll commit war crimes or something-"

Y/n had been interrupted by the sound of Clay letting out a small giggle. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing, just keep going with your video."

"Whatever, I'm cool. No matter what Dream says. Anyways, I'll speak to you all later." Y/n had hit the red button again, ending her video. Within seconds, the video had been uploaded to her Twitter account.

Placing her phone back down on the table, Y/n approached her boyfriend, wrapping her arms around his torso. "I'm really sorry about the hate, Clay. I love you."

"Don't apologize for something you can't control. I love you more." The brunette held his partner close, accepting her hug. Y/n always loved his hugs, she always felt so safe in his embrace.

The rest of the night had been spent with more cuddling and more Star Wars movies. Hours had passed before Y/n had even thought about the Twitter situation again. But for some reason, she had decided to look at the app again tonight.

It was 2 in the morning by now, Clay was half asleep. His head laid in the h/c girl's lap as she brushed a hand through his hair, her free hand opening up her Twitter app once again.

It had been a bit of a surprise to see a couple of trending hashtags had changed so quickly. What was trending now was #Dream, #Y/n,#(ship name), and #Dream's Laugh. This had to be about Y/n's short clip she posted. And by the looks of it, people had stopped acting so harsh towards Clay. But instead, they had decided to focus on the fact Dream and Y/n were hanging out together. Not to mention the fact Dream and let out a stupid little giggle because of Y/n. People had been apologizing to him through Twitter for being so hard on him.

"Babe."

"Hm?" Clay mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Pretty much everyone is apologizing to you over Twitter for being hardasses."

"Hm, that's good to hear."

"You're really tired, huh?" Y/n paused her scrolling to look down at her boyfriend.

"Yeah," He continued to mumble, followed by a short yawn.

"Alright, time for bed, babe." Y/n smiled to herself, beginning to carefully move away from Clay. "I can pack tomorrow and we can laugh over the stupid bird app tomorrow after you've gotten a good amount of sleep."

"I still can't believe Twitter tried canceling me over roleplay."

"I can't believe you got uncancelled by shippers."

Taglist: @notphilosopherstudentblog

[butmakeitgayblog]

Aaalright. I finally had time to read your new CI snippet, I waited the entire day and now, finally, I did it. In the wise words of Kristen Wiig: Hello Julia aka Hallelujah.

But anyway.

I L O V E D it.

I like a little bit of possessiveness or jealousy (expect when is definitely too much) and CI Clexa are perfect for this dynamic in my opinion.

And even though Clarke is a little shit that loves to provoke Lexa, you can definitely see how much she loves her and she obviously ignores everyone else.

It's a little game, a game that Lexa lose every time it seems 😁 but I don't think she is sad for it and as you said in other occasions, she shows her affection with her actions so they balance each other. They are super cute. Super lethal but super cute.

After this plethora I had a question though.

I was rereading - because I fell in the loop of reading all the previous snippets again - the one in which Clarke and Lexa confront Hellen and the one in which Clarke tries to comfort Lexa because is her dad's anniversary.

So, two things:

1. In Clexa vs Hellen's snippet I never noticed that you compare Lexa's grace to angels' grace. Eheheh I very much appreciated it. I don't know if you did it on purpose, but nice. 😏

2. In Gus' anniversary snippet, Lexa said that Hellen doesn't give a damn about Lexa's dad anniversary (in fact Hellen and Jake are on holiday that day) so for years it was just Lexa and her mourning and she doesn't want to do anything (or at least is what I perceived) and Clarke is the first person that tried to help her get through that day. So, my question is: in the distant future, maybe when they are even married, what does Clarke on that specific day to help Lexa and what does Lexa to help Clarke when she feels nostalgic of her mom if she does? Because I understand that they have this kind of special connection (and you are so good in underline it in every snippet) where they actually understand each other without telling much, sometimes they understand each other way before the other one reach the point.

Sorry. It's a long message in a not very clear English, but... I hope is readable enough. 😂

💕💕💕

Thank you, I loved this so much 🥺 I'm really glad you're liking it and yeah you totally see them. Cute, but lethal lol

And don't apologize! Your English is great and long comments/messages are a writer's lifeblood 😩

Putting this under the cut cuz it's a longer answer than I thought

///////

As for your question, when it comes to her dad's anniversary, Lexa has a tendency to become melancholic. Clarke always notices she gets a little quiet on the days leading up and does her best just to be there. Not imposing, just present. She knows Lexa needs time and silence sometimes to collect her feelings and be alone in her thoughts. Needs time to remember her dad and allow herself to miss him rather than giving in to the impulse to try to be strong and grit her jaw through it. Clarke would be the type to compile all the pictures of him she can find over the years. Secretly harass all the employees of the company who worked with him from before Lexa was even born, track down old school friends and classmates and photos from yearbooks and get them framed. Take pictures of him and baby Lexa, from their first picture together with her little chunky butt swaddled in his huge arms, to every birthday and family vacation thereafter, and make a whole new album just for her. One a lot less tainted with the sour notes of Hellen.

On the actual day I think she'd plan things for them to do in the afternoon and evening. Lexa likes to go into work in the morning because that's her father's legacy. She's proud of it and she knows a lot of those people miss him too. She may be a bitch but she's loyal to them for his sake. But the afternoons and evenings are them at home. It's an unspoken thing that they just spend it together. Reading, drawing, watching a movie, eating a ridiculously expensive dinner they had delivered from a place that Does Not Do Deliveries. Lexa once told her Gus always said important days are meant for family, chosen or otherwise, but they're meant to be spent with those you hold dearest. And they're each other's family now. So Clarke plans exactly that.

Clarke and her mom is a lot trickier territory. Because Clarke genuinely kinda fucking hates Abby for what she did. There's hurt there of course but Clarke's been through a lot (and I mean a lot) of therapy to help her accept that it wasn't her fault. But she's also fucked up enough that she just turned all that energy into sending an eternal Fuck Youuuuu out into the universe to wherever Abby may happen to be. I think the only times Lexa really feels the need to ever do much is when something triggers those buried resentments and hurt. In one of the snippets cooling its heels in my drafts actually has Lexa accidentally triggering it herself 😬. But it could be anything, really. Usually it surprises Clarke as much as anyone. Seeing a mom and daughter at luncheon that reminds her of when her mom would take her to these things. A movie when a parent calls their daughter 'princess'. Randomly getting a piece of gossip that somehow winds itself back to Abby's circle of elite on the West coast.

Then it's more about distracting Clarke. Not letting her go down the spiral of thinking she'll be abandoned by everyone. Remind her that she's wanted. Yearned for. Needed. Irreplaceable. It's a process of slowly drowning out those fears with the truth of how much Clarke is loved. Clarke would rather throw herself into traffic than admit that the whole Abby thing still hurts, and Lexa respects her boundaries on that subject after they're together. So Lexa knows she'll never be able to fix those feelings, just like Clarke can't fix Lexa's, but she's always there with her quiet steadiness and devotion. Her own whispered pet names and wordless touches that Clarke seems to crave in those moments.

[lovethisletters]

Devilish nights || A fantastic 3 one-shot!

I love this idea ngl, I love the dynamic between the three of them! And I tried to do them justice here but... there's definitely a Whole ass ranch for improvement... :C

also Diavolo is Mexa xd

Summary: the fantastic three go to a concert but things don't go as planned.

Additional notes: I was going to make this a comic but decided against it since it was gonna take me much more time to finish it, but perhaps I'll do it as a small follow up to this one-shot.

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

There's a reason why the Demon elite are very protective of their private life...you see: everyone has a side of their personality only the ones closest to us are allowed to see and for the demon prince, the avatar of pride and the loyal butler this is no exception.

—Uhhh?!?! You're going out?!!—all 6 brothers questioned in surprise.

—Yes, and I hope that when I arrive, the house is not a mess!— Replied the avatar of pride as he placed a distinctive blue coat over his shoulders.

—Ehhh? Are you going on vacation to the human realm, Lucifer ?! And without me ?! How cruel!—Asmodeus inquired dramatically, hugging his older brother's arm like a child begging his mother to go out and play.

The black-haired demon was unfazed by the avatar of lust childish demeanor, released himself from his grasp with ease and continued with his speech.

—Diavolo has important matters to resolve in the human realm and he needs me and Barbatos to support him, it is not a vacation.—

—I hope all of you behave in my absence; Satan, you're in charge, ”Lucifer declared.

-What?!?! Satan in charge ?! - the rest complained.

—As much as it bothers me to admit it… Satan is the most responsible among you — Lucifer looked at the blonde demon in the eyes — I'm counting on you — and the avatar of pride came out hurriedly before he could even hear the answer of the fourth brother.

—Don't— whispered the avatar of wrath as his lips settled into a sinister smile at the plan that was being formulated in his head.

[…]

—Ahhh ~ finally it's THE day! I can't wait any longer !!!— upon hearing the title "prince of hell" we could normally assume that the person bearing it is someone intimidating, ruthless and rude; but there he was ... the heir to the throne of the Devildom jumping all over the place with immeasurable enthusiasm, glow sticks in each hand and a white shirt with the image of a sun with the face of Luis Miguel on the chest.

—Diavolo, I'd appreciate it if you could calm down a bit.

—Calm down?! Lucifer! I have been waiting for this for years! I will finally be able to be at a concert of my favorite singer from the human realm! Do you have any idea how much I struggled to get these tickets?!?! I had to do it the human way! line and everything!—The redhead claimed at the lack of enthusiasm from his best friend.

—His majesty stopped time and he moved a couple of old ladies to be able to acquire the tickets in the front row; it would be appreciated if you showed a bit of enthusiasm, Lucifer.—Barbatos finally spoke, the same formal and cold smile always etched on his face to which Lucifer could only replay in the same way.

—Oh! I won't let you two ruin my night with your formalities! At least pretend you're as excited as I am!—Diavolo begged but his stoic companions could only mutter a mocking “yeeei”as they waved their respective glow sticks reluctantly and the prince of hell could only roll his eyes.

[…]

Mistakes happen, they happen when we least expect them and even worse; at too inconvenient moments.

—Quick, Lucifer, we're next!— The tallest of the 3 hurried, still jumping up and down.

—Give me a second — The black-haired demon searched in his pockets for the tickets that Diavolo had asked him to keep until the day of the concert because he was afraid of losing them among all the paperwork that week and knowing the responsible nature of his friend he entrusted them to him .

The thing is ... Lucifer could not find the tickets ... and when he realized this, with all the tranquility of the world: he cleared his throat, clasped his hands and positioned himself firmly like a teacher about to explain something to a child .

—Diavolo, in terms of tickets… I forgot the ttickets— At first the prince of hell gave his friend an incredulous look and even proceeded to laugh.

—Sure, stop playing games, Lucifer— the redhead expected a laugh from his friend followed by him handing over the tickets, but that gesture never came.

—Your Majesty I think Lucifer is not joking— Barbatos corrected

And oh my god, have you ever seen a child's face when you take a toy that he just can’t have out of his hands? And then the endless crying begins? Yes, at that moment the heir to the throne of hell simply bursted in tears.

—It’s Okay, your majesty, everything is going to be fine— The butler tried to calm him down by patting him on the back.

—Diavolo, I can buy others, don't worry— But the redhead only limited himself to pointing at the sign above the theater entrance "Sold out" was written in large letters.

—Well… I guess I owe you the next concert, how about we go to your favorite restaurant, hmm? My treat — Despite his offer, his friend only let out a sigh of despair and helplessness.

—You have no idea where you left them?

—Ummm… I guess in my office…

—Tell your brothers to bring them to you! Please!!— Lucifer was quick to dial Satan's number, because by the way things were he would not be surprised if Diavolo's despair at this moment led him to pray.

By pure chance, Lucifer noticed that he had several unanswered messages and calls from one of the angels: Simeon

—You can't reach them?—the prince questioned

Lucifer just stood there, glaring at his phone with a mixture of regret and anger.

"Damm you Simeon" was all that came to mind.

—Oh? Aren't those Solomon, Simeon and Luke?—Barbatos voice interrupted his thoughts.

And sure enough, there at the entrance of the theatre were the inhabitants of purgatory hall, dressed in human world clothing, waiting in line, the youngest of the group with tickets in hand.

—Oh!? I didn't knew they had bought tickets for this!

—They didn't

—How do you know?

—Because those are YOUR tickets!

—What?!?!—Diavolo's confused expression was quickly met with Lucifer's phone right in front of his face, showing him the text messages.

—I'll go get them—but before the avatar of pride could take another step towards the purgatory hall group, Barbatos hand stopped him in his tracks.

—Your Majesty, I believe Luke's birthday is just in a few days and he seems to be enjoying himself, why don't we let them keep the tickets?—the butler suggested politely.

It took a couple of seconds for the prince of hell tho make his desicion, but the smile on the small angel face made all trace of doubt dissipate, and with a heavy sigh he finally spoke.

— leat it be, Lucifer...

—...are you sure of it, Diavolo?

—yes, perhaps next year we'll go together...all of us, right?

Lucifer was surprised but with a small smile forming on his face he said yes.

—Now... who's hungry?! We should go to the fanciest place in town, after all, It's Lucifer's treat!—the prince joked

—Perhaps the restaurant we attended last year would be fine, your Majesty?

—Ah yes! That would do!

And while Lucifer's wallet had started regretting his desicions, he was happy he could spend this evening with his dearest friends.

▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

I was going to put a drawing of the fantastic three hanging out but I only did Diavolo bc while I was finishing Barbatos and Lucifer my computer crashed and didn't save anything :c

So here's a Diavolo in front of bellas artes to compensate:

If you find any grammatical errors let me know! I'm trying to improve my english and that would help me so so much!

I will forever thank you if you go check out my other profile: @aileysmirnov  where I post things about my OC: edits, one-shots, imagines, art, etc. If you like Greek mythology and the bat family maybe you would get to be as fond of her as much as I am!

Anyway, thank you for reading!

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things- Repeating History

Aaron Hotchner x Female Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and alcohol. Canon typical violence.

A/N: this takes place during season 3 episode 11, birthright. i had a lot of fun studying this episode and making it my own. i have changed certain dialogue and who says what for the sake of the story. please enjoy!

The Purest Things Masterlist

(my gif! please credit if you use.)

january 2008

Syd Moore said, “Disregard for the past will never do us any good. Without it we cannot know truly who we are.”

+++++

Your alarm is often hushed before it even has an opportunity to set off nowadays because you usually wake up before it even has the chance.

4:25 A.M.

You groan and toss your pillow over your face. Maybe, just maybe, you can will yourself to sleep for a little longer. As if someone heard your pleas for slumber, your phone starts buzzing on your bedside table. Of course, it is unnecessary for you even to read the messages. There is a case.

+++++

"Last night in Fredericksburg, a 20-year-old woman, Molly McCarthy, was abducted," J.J. begins, "She's the third to go missing in the last 6 weeks. All disappeared from public places. No one's seen them since until now. A couple days ago, body parts with cigarette burns were recovered from a national park that was once the site of the battle of Chancellorsville."

"Were they able to make an I.D.?" you and Hotch ask simultaneously. Your eyes meet, but he breaks the contact abruptly. Flustered and insecure, you bury your focus deep into the file in front of you. The group discusses the case for a couple of minutes, but you are so concentrated on the papers that you hardly absorb any information they've shared.

There is something familiar about this case to you. Suddenly, realization strikes.

Rejoining the discussions, you say, "I remember reading about a case like this in Spotsylvania county. Similar markings on the bone. It was the winter of 1980, also in Fredericksburg. There were 5 women aged 16 to 24. They were buried in pieces."

"Same markings. Same civil war battlefield," J.J. responds in agreement.

The team agrees that this could be the works of the same killer. There are aspects of the more recent killings that would be impossible to copycat since those details had never been released to the public. But, if this is the same unsub, what's he been doing for the past 27 years?

+++++

Hotch focuses on the road while you watch out the window of the passenger seat. Occasionally, you sneak the odd peek at him. His stoicism is alluring, and you find yourself drawn to this demeanor like a moth to a flame. Piecing together the tiny glimpses you've collected thus far as if working on a mental puzzle, you scrutinize his attributes. His eyes bare the beginnings of crow's feet. Only his sideburns tease the speckling of salt and pepper undertones. His lips turn downwards at the corners, no doubt from years of scowling at unsubs.

Reid speaks up from behind you both and breaks your train of thought. Probably for the better, there's no reason why you should examine your unit chief so intently.

"It's funny--he always dumps the bodies in this battlefield, no matter what the risk."

"It's a respected landmark. He's flaunting," Aaron reckons.

"It makes him feel important," you say in agreement.  

Once you have arrived at the crime scene, you follow Agent Hotchner closely. Reid trails ahead, most likely trying to keep up with his own train of thought.

"How does someone not see or hear them?" You ask the sheriff.

He turns to you with a defeated expression, "It was dark. He had the advantage. Molly's boyfriend was the last person to see her. He said she was alone for a minute, maybe less."

Hotch surveys the surroundings, "He's patient and works fast."

"He's perfected his M.O.," Reid states while looking around.

You cross your arms as a wave of unease gets the best of you as you envision the moments leading to Molly's attack.

"If our unsub's pushing 60, he's gotta be strong enough to carry her a long way without her struggling," you bring out.

Hotch looks to you with a concerned squint. You shake your head, signaling to him that it's nothing you can't get under control. He nods in response. The sheriff agrees to point out the various entrances to the park.

"I'll catch up with you," your Unit Chief states. He motions for you to step aside with him, and you comply.

"You know, ever since my wife and I had our son, I dread receiving cases involving children," he discloses to you.

Tears well up in your eyes, "I can't even imagine, but sir, why are you telling me this?"

"This job will inevitably strike close to home on some cases more than others. It's okay for you to feel overwhelmed by it all every once and a while," he assures you.

"You never lose it, though."

He sighs heavily, "Maybe I should have."

Shortly before you joined the BAU, Hotch's wife Haley left with their son Jack. You never ask questions or stick your nose where it doesn't belong. It isn't your place, and you can't blame him for not wanting to bring his family struggles to work. He deals with enough broken families on the job as it is. Mixing his own personal life into the field would only make it more challenging to prioritize. Despite all this, you cannot help but wonder what exactly led to his and his wife's separation. You hope that they can find their way back to each other. The crimes you investigate do not need to claim the Hotchner's as victims as well.

+++++

"I'll let you talk to Chrissy Wilkenson," Hotch directs you towards the kitchen. You wipe your sweaty palms against the fabric of your pants and make your way into the kitchen, Hotch following closely behind you.

"Mrs. Wilkenson," you say gently, "My name is Y/F/N. I have just a few questions about your husband. Where does Charlie usually go when he's stressed?"

"The barn," she stutters. You can tell she's anxious and afraid for the well-being of her family.

"Anywhere else, Chrissy?"

Hotch is called into the other room, and you continue questioning Chrissy. She's becoming overwhelmed, so you guide her to the dining room.

"I know this is difficult, Chrissy."

"Did the father of my child really do that to those poor women?" She cradles her baby bump.

Your heart breaks for her, and you choose to remain silent. Sometimes saying nothing speaks louder than words.

Footsteps bound throughout the house, and Hotch appears in the doorway, "The sheriff will stay here with Mrs. Wilkenson. We need you with us."

Standing up from your chair, you place your hand atop Chrissy's, "History doesn't have to repeat itself." It is almost as if she could tell you were reading her thoughts. The endless whispers that cloud her mind making her feel like she's left with only one choice, but there's always another option. That is all you are trying to remind her of.

+++++

As you and your team trek through the forest, you see a clearing.

"Hotch, this way," you beckon him to pursue your course.

Suddenly, a gunshot rings out, and you stop in your tracks. You make eye contact with Hotch and mirror each other's actions, dashing towards the opening in the trees. Your heart pounds in rhythm with your footsteps colliding against the ground. It is clear to you from your exchange with Chrissy at the house that the origin of the gunshot will shock everyone but yourself. As you reach the clearing and rush down the hill, your speculation is validated.

Chrissy Wilkenson is standing over the body of her husband, the unsub. A traumatized young man haunted by his father's past and plagued by the idea that children are trapped in the endless cycles created by their parents.

I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Jesus. Now is not the time for that.

The newly widowed woman claims self-defense, yet the cops handcuff her anyways. Inside, you feel conflicted while watching her get into the back of the squad car.

Hotch appears by your side but remains silent. Again, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. You bit your lip, attempting to hide the fact that it is trembling.

"What did you say to her as you were leaving the dining room?"

"I told her that history does not have to repeat itself. I wanted her to know that even when it feels like you are backed into a corner, there is always another way out. Sometimes people don't know where to look for their out thought," you quiver.

He lightly touches your arm and gives you a reassuring tilt of the head, "Just know that you did everything you could. We will never do this job perfectly. Doing the right thing usually costs more than it pays. You did your part.  I'm not a saint, and I am far from a hero, but I have integrity and honor, and I do this job to the best of my ability."

"If you can leave a case with a clear conscience," he continues, "you know you did the best you could. Any other thought process will eat away at you slowly but surely, and ultimately, it will result in the demise of your career and destruction of yourself."

+++++

After a seemingly neverending day, you all arrive back at Quantico.

"I could really go for a drink, guys. What do you say? Newbie's buying," you wave your wallet around frivolously.

"I could go for 5 drinks!" Prentiss exclaims.

"Count me in," Morgan winks at you. He never fails to make you blush.

Reid hesitates and you pout your bottom lip, "Please Reid! How could you not want a repeat of Dolly Parton night last month?"

Hotch comes down the stairs, "Dolly Parton night? Do I want to know?"

You and Derek snicker to each other as Spencer attempts to diffuse his own embarassment.

"9 to 5 is an iconic female anthem that certainly has a rather bewitching affect on a man when mixed with alcohol."

"You only drank Diet Coke that night," you roll your eyes at him.

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Hotch forcing his way through the small group formed around the desks.

Making your way over to him, you invite him to join, "Want a beer?" You second guess yourself, but it seems as though his rather stern expression softens ever so slightly when he pivots on his heels to look at you.

"I would like that," he answers softly.

He immediately returns to his original path and hovers near the glass doors. You casually make your way over to him, joined by Dave and Emily. A man barges in through the glass doors announcing Aaron's name.

"Agent Hotchner?"

"Yes," the subject in question breaths out almost defeatedly.  

The yellow package he holds in his hands is all too familiar and instantly churns your stomach into knots. You gnaw at your bottom lip, drawing a metallic taste that causes you to cringe.

"What is it?" Emily speaks up.

There's no question as to what it is. Oh Hotch. I’m so sorry.

Hotch's eyes trace the package from corner to corner in disbelief, "Haley's filing for divorce. I've been served."

When he eventually takes his eyes off of the lettering, his eyes meet yours. They lock onto you and it is in that moment that you feel as though you have been given the key to unlock his soul. His eyes are so unusual at this moment; they are more vulnerable than you have ever seen. The stoic man is gone, and instead, it is the eyes of one who is in tremendous pain. You had mistaken his bloodshot eyes for physical fatigue on the plane, but now you see that it is emotional exhaustion as well.

If only you knew how badly I want to hug you and tell you that you won't be swallowed up by this darkness. There's a long road ahead, but you have so many people here who love you and are here to support you through this. You aren't alone. Trust me, I know.

In some way, you pray that he can read into your soul and see the pain you feel for him. Once more, your shared silence proves to speak for itself.  

At last, he breaks eye contact with you and finally releases the breath that you had been holding in. Dave grabs onto your arm, seeing the clear impact Hotch's news has on you, no doubt having also noticed Hotch's immediate response in looking at you.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can join you tonight," he excuses himself and escapes to the seclusion of his office.

Maybe history does have a way of repeating itself.

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