#According to this I'm like Rosalind

[makeitastrength]

You said in your list of episodes that you don’t like 4.07 and 5.04 for lots of other reasons and I’m wondering if you could say more?

Oh boy, okay, get ready for another essay.

(And again, to clarify, I love our show. I don't like to be negative and nitpick every little detail. But no show is perfect, and to me these are two of the episodes that really just missed the mark.)

4x07 Fire Fight

This one already made it onto my least favorite Chenford eps for reasons I spelled out here. But that's actually not my main beef with the episode. It's Nolan's storyline that I dislike. First of all, I've always found it to be unnecessarily depraved and gruesome. And I realize there are actually people like that in the world, and that's clearly what they were going for, but I did not enjoy watching it. They could have accomplished the same ultimate storytelling goal in a less horrifying way. Secondly, Nolan's escape is just absolutely unrealistic. I know, I know, he's the protagonist. And obviously I knew from the beginning that he was going to make it out alive, because they're not going to kill off their lead. But I honestly had zero investment in how he was going to make it out. I don't care how much adrenaline was coursing through him, I can't suspend my disbelief enough to make his escape seem remotely realistic.

5x04 The Choice

First of all, RIP Annie Wersching. I was so shocked and saddened when she passed away. She was a talented actress and such a good villain in both this show and Castle. It also explains why the storyline was wrapped up so hastily. I know they were limited in their options. That being said, I didn't like how it ended. I already talked about the Chenford of it all in my previous post (in short, there was a lack of compassion from Tim toward Lucy's trauma and a lack of closure for both of them). My main complaint about the rest of the storyline is (a) plot holes and (b) the John and Bailey of it all. Actually, part (a) goes back to the end of 5x01 when Rosalind somehow escapes across the border. Like... what??? As if the plates on that car wouldn't have been flagged??? There's absolutely no way a high profile criminal like her would have been able to cross the border in the same car she used to flee the scene, but according to Grey that's exactly what happened. And then she comes back just to torment John and end up dead? If they'd given Rosalind a terminal illness as well, it might have made sense. Like, she wanted that to be her legacy, to corrupt the incorruptible boy scout and make him live with that for the rest of his life. But since they didn't go that route, it just felt like she was inexplicably giving up. I was left with a lack of understanding and a lack of closure. Lastly, the actual way it all went down had too many unrealistic moments. Like... am I supposed to believe that Bailey and her crew showed up at that house and Bailey just happened to be the one to fall into that trap rather than any of the others? Too convenient. And for the life of me, I will never understand why Tim used an axe to try to break the glass (which was very obviously not going to break that way) when he could have just had Bailey back against the wall of the trap so he could shoot a hole in it and let it start to drain. I'm sure there are other details too that I'm not remembering, but really my overall point is that - even on a shortened timetable - there was so much potential for this storyline to come to a satisfying resolution, but that didn't happen.

[beatrice-otter]

Festivids is live!

As usual, there are a LOT of really good vids, go check them out!

Here are some ones I liked:

The Only Way to See Fandom: Amaury Guichon - Fandom Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Additional Tags: Fanvids, Baking, Chocolate, Pastries, The Artistic Process Summary:

What you feel like, planning a sky.

A fanvid of Amaury Guichon (the chocolate guy).

Lonely Day Fandom: Andor (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Cassian Andor, Maarva Andor, Bix Caleen, Mon Mothma, Vel Sartha, Luthen Rael, Kino Loy, Cinta Kaz, Dedra Meero, Arvel Skeen, Karis Nemik, Brasso the Ferrixian (Star Wars), Syril Karn, Kleya Marki Additional Tags: Fanvids, Angst, Rebellion, Depictions of Police, Family, authoritarianism, Comrades in Arms, Embedded Video, Physical Triggers, brief shot of auditory torture, ends hopefully Summary:

From the loneliest day, new growth springs. Oppression sows the seeds of its own destruction. Featuring the whole Andor cast of characters but mainly focused on Cassian.

Come Forth Now Fandom: Andor (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Cassian Andor, Luthen Rael, Bix Caleen, Maarva Andor, Brasso the Ferrixian (Star Wars), Vel Sartha, Cinta Kaz, Arvel Skeen, Kleya Marki, Mon Mothma, Kino Loy, Karis Nemik, Taramyn Barcona, Clem Andor, Syril Karn, Ruescott Melshi Additional Tags: Rebellion, Hope, some explosions, Police images, Family, Friendship, Fanvids, Embedded Video Summary:

And this is all we need And this is where we start This is the day we greet This is the day, no other

Boys Keep Swinging Fandom: As You Like It - Shakespeare Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Rosalind | Ganymede (As You Like It) Additional Tags: Fanvids, Embedded Video, Crossdressing, Genderbending, Queer Themes Summary:

When you're a boy Other boys check you out You get a girl These are your favorite things When you're a boy

Drink You Sober Fandom: Bound (1996) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Corky/Violet (Bound) Summary:

'I want to feel you'

We Can Be Anything Fandom: Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Evelyn Wang, Joy Wang | Jobu Tupaki, Waymond Wang

How to make a perfect Hanukkah movie… Fandom: Hallmark Movies - Fandom, Hitched for the Holidays (2012), Double Holiday (2019), Mistletoe & Menorahs (2019), Love Lights Hanukkah! (2020), Eight Gifts of Hanukkah (2021), Hanukkah on Rye (2022) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Additional Tags: Fanvids, Hanukkah Summary:

…(according to the Hallmark Channel)

Oh No Not Now [Fanvid] Fandom: Philadelphia Story (1940) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Macaulay Connor/C.K. Dexter Haven/Tracy Lord, Macaulay Connor/C.K. Dexter Haven, Macaulay Connor/Tracy Lord, Macaulay Connor/Elizabeth Imbrie, C.K. Dexter Haven/Tracy Lord, C.K. Dexter Haven/Elizabeth Imbrie Summary:

What do I do with this?

The Hunted Fandom: Prey (2022) Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death Characters: Naru (Prey 2022), Sarii (Prey 2022), Feral Predator (Prey 2022), Bear (Prey 2022) Additional Tags: Action, Hunters & Hunting, Animal Death, Animal Attack Summary:

The hunter becomes the hunted.

[vid] out with a bang Fandom: Robin and Marian (1976), Robin Hood - All Media Types Rating: Mature Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Maid Marian/Robin Hood, Little John/Maid Marian/Robin Hood Characters: Maid Marian, Robin Hood, Little John, Sheriff of Nottingham Additional Tags: Fanvids, Embedded Video, Character Study, Canonical Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicide Summary:

I'm way to young to lie here forever, I'm way too old to try, so whatever...

A Marian character study.

magnetic [VID] Fandom: Romeo+Juliet (1996) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) Additional Tags: gender feelings, Fighting Feelings, your crush keeps falling in love with girls feelings, honestly vidding this made me want enemies to lovers fic for mercutio and tybalt, let's skip the sad ending and just be angry together, Fanvids Summary:

Mercutio's been magnetic since he was a baby.

Trust+Fall Fandom: Romeo+Juliet (1996), Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Juliet Capulet/Romeo Montague Additional Tags: Romcom turned tragedy, Self-Harm, Suicide, Physical Triggers, Depictions of Police Summary:

Juliet met an awesome guy at a big party her parents threw and fell instantly in love! With a meet-cute like that, what could go wrong? (Turns out: literally everything.)

VID: I'm That Queer Fandom: Janelle Monáe Music Videos, Janelle Monae (Musician) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Jane (Dirty Computer), Cindi Mayweather Additional Tags: Physical Triggers, Fast cutting, flashing lights, Glitch effects, Queerphobia, Depictions of Police, Fanvids Summary:

A fanvid of some of Janelle Monáe's Music Videos, focusing on their Cindi Mayweather and Jane characters.

Physical triggers: extensive fast cutting, extensive glitch effects, flashing lights. Other warnings: authoritarian state, queerphobia, depictions of police.

[no-1-rosalind-lang-apologist]

What will be your biggest, most exciting "I CALLED IT" if it happens in FHH? (sorry I phrased this bad)

If Lady Hong or someone associated with her had a hand in the madness from TVD. Hands down.

Okay so I'm not sure how long Chloe has been planning on writing FLF, but she chose to name Rosalind Rosalind after the As You Like It character rather than naming her Rosaline after the character from Romeo and Juliet which hints that she may have been planning on writing the spin off since TVD was published. Which makes crazy connections between the plots more likely.

We know that Lady Hong worked at Oxford prior to the events of Foul Lady Fortune. I'm guessing that she started working there a few years prior to 1918 and stopped working there prior to 1926 because it makes sense for Orion to have been sent to London to study since it would've been close to her rather than to Paris with Oliver who was about to finish his studies anyway and she was building Warehouse 34 in 1926 according to The Priest and the Shepherd.

We know that the Dexters allegedly just found the mind control bugs from TVD lying around somewhere in England and just,,, magically knew how to control them and were like ah yes. You know what we should do with this? Imperialism. And while that is period accurate British guy behavior, it doesn't explain how the bugs got there or how the Dexters knew how to use them.

So knowing this, isn't it interesting that Lady Hong was probably working on mind control shit in England around the same time that Paul and Walter just,,, happened to stumble upon weird mind control bugs? Especially given all of the weird scientists who had connections to Lourens who gave Rosalind the immortality strain which is also somehow connected to this and the girls who were brainwashed into committing suicide by clawing out their own throats in LVC.

[darkhorse-javert]

Ten Years Today

For @flashfictionfridayofficial

Set back pre-canon with Christopher & Rosalind Foyle one september Afternoon, Christopher reminisces

“Tuppence for them?"

He looked up at her, then his fingers reached into his far trouser pocket and drew out a fold of paper.

"Ten years ago today, Rose, I got this." He looked at the paper, eyes soft, then over at her sitting on the other garden chair. Do you remember, do you know, his eyes asked softly

"It survived all this time - all that mud?"

He nodded in his quiet way, "In my wallet, folded tight up - Always."

She watched as he so gently unfolded the letter into it's full sheet, eyes only brushing over the words. He looked back at her, over the paper.

Then he cleared his throat faintly and repeated more than read the words on the page, "'Dear Kit,

Our son was born on Saturday afternoon, that is 21st September; fine, healthy and weighing 6lb 10oz according to the midwife. Baby is very pink and apparently happy most of the time. I am well too, admittedly tired, but that is to be expected.

My mother claims she sees a clear resemblance between baby and you, which I question so soon. On the other hand his new uncle claims the main resemblance that of a par-boiled piglet - he has been castigated for same remark

For myself, I do not at this moment care in the slightest whom he may look like in time as he grows. Only the way his eyes look into mine, that he is part of you and therefore in a way, you are here too

My mother and your parents are in some nervous tangle and insisting on an early christening, so he will be christened on Saturday. I hope you will have this letter before then, darling Kit. I find, now I have him in my arms the name Andrew sits very nicely, with Christopher as a middle name- for you of course his cheeky- mouthed uncle. I'm sorry this is rather 'a fait accompli' Kit, although we played with ideas - but the parents are immovable on the need, and poor baby cannot be christened without a name.

Stay safe Christopher, come back to us soon.

All OUR Love (and kisses from me)

Your loving wife and Son

Rose X

& Andrew'

This letter, Rose.” Kit paused, seemed to marshal himself before continuing “It was everything. Up to our knees and necks in mud and shell blasts. And then this... another light against all the shadows... what it meant there and then to know you were safe, of Andrew.”

He reached out a hand, she slipped her's into his, offered a smile

“Even more reason to make it through, somehow or other.” he continued, his lips curving up, fingers closing on her hand in a squeeze. “I so wanted to see my boy grow up

The loud clatter of the front door knocker shattered the peace of the afternoon

She turned in the chair to look through the back door, towards the hall and the front of the house. “And now you see quite a great deal of him- except for football scrambles” She stood up, but Kit held her hand for a moment longer, drew it close to kiss the knuckles. “Kit, she half-tried to ease her fingers loose “There's a ten year old boy waiting to be let in, who I would bet will be clamouring for several thick slices of bread and jam before he's over the threshold.”

He stood up and this time kissed her cheek, “I wouldn't take that one.”

The door knocker rattled again but she paused, and tapped her lips on his. Ten years, how fast the time flies.

[jadelotusflower]

Obscure Christmas Movie Rewatch: Mrs Santa Claus

Are you looking for a feminist, multicultural, pro-union movie to watch this Christmas? Then Mrs Santa Claus is for you!

Not only does it star the late great Angela Lansbury, it features some catchy showtunes composed by Broadway great Jerry Herman, choreography by musical stalwart Rob Marshall, and costumes by the legendary Bob Mackie.

The story behind this one is also pretty interesting! According to this retrospective on Dame Angela Lansbury (RIP), much like she was a champion for older actors to guest star on Murder She Wrote to keep their SAG cards, she was also the driving force behind this tv movie in order to honour her friend Jerry Herman. While he’d had great success as a lyricist and composer for such seminal Broadway shows such as Hello Dolly!, La Cage Aux Folles, and Mame (the latter staring Lansbury), he was diagnosed as HIV positive in 1985 and by the mid-90′s needed a project to focus on. Enter Lansbury stage left, who had a deal with CBS for a number of tv specials, and pitched this film together with Herman.

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Here’s the perfectly simple premise: It’s seven days until Christmas and the magnanimous Mrs Anna Claus sends all the elves home since they’ve finished the toys early. She also tries to improve Santa’s navigational route and wants to help him with his mail, but is utterly underappreciated by her husband (Charles Durning).

Lansbury brings her distinctive voice to her pleasant I Want song - “I've been manning the business and planning each holiday plan/And I'm tired of being the shadow behind the great man”.

She takes the sleigh and reindeer, but due to bad weather emergency lands in New York City, meeting Italian stable boy Marcello (David Norona) who shows her the immigrant melting pot via the song and dance number Avenue A (well, the Italian-Irish-Jewish pot at least). There’s tap and joyous dancing, all culminating in a Consider Yourself-esque street celebration extolling the “great kaleidoscope called Avenue A.”

There's also a cameo from Jerry Herman, suitably playing a piano.

We meet Sadie (Debra Wiseman), a young Jewish woman and Suffragette, with whom Marcello is in love with from afar, Sadie’s mother Mrs Lowenstein (Rosalind Harris, who memorably played Tzeitel in Fiddler on the Roof) who fears the police after fleeing pogroms in Europe, local gossips Mrs Shaughnessy and Mrs Brandenheim, and Nora (Lynsey Bartilson), a young Irish girl who works at child labor factory Tavish Toys. Nora's Irish accent is...look, I'm not here to rag on child actors. She tried her best.

Our villain is Augustus P Tavish, played by Broadway veteran Terrence Mann, crooning that his toys “Only have to last till Christmas.” If you want to hear his voice used to full effect however, check out the original Broadway cast recordings of Cats (Rum Tum Tugger), Beauty and the Beast (The Beast, particularly If I Can’t Love Her), and The Scarlet Pimpernel (Chauvelin, particularly Falcon in the Dive).

Mann is delightfully hammy in the role, in spats and spinning a cane, delivering every line on pitch as if it’s a song. It's CAMP and I love it. The movie's worth it for his dulcet tones alone.

Mrs Claus (taking the name Mrs North), is employed at Tavish Toys as a supervisor, singing and dancing around the factory floor, improving morale but aghast at the working conditions and poor quality of the toys.

Meanwhile, back at the North Pole, Santa only notices his wife is missing because his cocoa hasn’t been made right (ugh). It’s up to head elf (there’s always a head elf) Arvo is tell Santa she’s gone and deliver Santa some home truths.

Arvo is played by Michael Jeter, one of those delightful character actors with so many credits it’s impossible to identify where you would know him from (for me it’s Father Ignatius in Sister Act 2).

Santa bemoans that he can’t bear to think of Anna about her out there “alone and helpless.” Smash cut to:

What is it about Victorian/Edwardian garb that just feels like Christmas?

Sadie is literally on her soapbox (a manifestation of the trope), and Anna asks her advice about industrial action for the factory. In return, she gives Sadie advice for persuading other women to her cause, utilising the soft power of persuasion rather than shouting slogans. They go a recruiting through song, culminating in a suffragette march where they are joined by Nora, Mrs Shaughnessy, Mrs Brandenheim, and Marcello. I really like this one! It’s uplifting and upbeat, if a sanitised depiction of the struggle for women’s suffrage.

It musically echoes the opening number Mrs Santa Claus, even repeating lines that Anna sung for herself, now applied the the community of women who have embraced her: "We've planned our strategy and our flag is unfurled/For we have gifts of our own to offer the world."

Anna and Nora bond over missing the people they love - Anna her husband, and Nora her mother and little brother who are still back in Ireland (her father is working double shifts to raise the money to bring them over). It’s time for another song and dance number, Whistle - a tribute to vaudeville. This one is a bit overlong and unnecessary, the kind of number that works on stage post-intermission to ease the audience back in, but isn’t needed onscreen.

At the North Pole, Arvo and the Elves try to cheer Santa up by dancing to the tune of We Need a Little Christmas (first composed by Herman for Mame), but he remains sullen. Honestly, this Santa really sucks. He bemoans his predicament, and Arvo has to prod him to write down what his wife means to him. Of course he does it through song, promising to change but it’s a very shallow mea culpa.

Meanwhile Anna plays matchmaker, setting up local policeman Officer Doyle and Mrs Lowenstein, overcoming her fears when Doyle assures her he won’t be taking Sadie away for exercising her free speech. Mrs Lowenstein finally unpacks the bag she’s always kept ready in case they needed to flee again, including her grandmother’s silver candlestick - the matching one being lost when they fled the old country.

Marcello invites Sadie to the Policeman’s Ball, and they sing We Don’t Go Together At All, a pretty song I unapologetically love. However it does end with a trope I absolutely hate - where Marcello taps his cheek but when Sadie moves in to kiss it, he turns his head so she kisses him on the lips. It’s all played very sweet, but probably not something you’d see if the movie was made today.

At Tavish Toys, Anna leads the kids in a work slow down, and then a city-wide strike and boycott. Because this is fantasy world, this immediately leads to the mayor declaring that no child will again work under such conditions, and a call for child labor laws. I think its no coincidence that this passion project of Lansbury's deals with issues such as women's and worker's rights - however santitised. We must assume the elves have union benefits back at the North Pole!

At the policeman’s ball, Mrs North gets to wear this absolutely banger outfit, and gets toasted as “the Mrs Santa Claus of Avenue A.” Lansbury was 71 when she played this role, and all credit to Bob Mackie for dressing her not only with a stylish vibrancy in the earlier scenes, but putting her in a gown like this and going for glamour rather than the dowdy Mrs Claus cliche.

You may also recognise Nora’s outfit recycled from A Little Princess.

I also appreciate that Sadie hasn’t been overtly softened in her relationship with Marcello - she’s the one who gives the speech, engaging in some self-deprecation in decrying herself “the biggest mouth on Avenue A” and wearing a beautiful dress, but not torn down or diminished because of her activism - but rather celebrated and validated by the very people who used to deride her. She's learned the art of pitching your message to the audience rather than riding roughshod over them, but isn't any less of an activist.

But while Anna has finally been given the recognition and appreciation she’s craved, for some reason she misses her dropkick of a husband. “He Needs Me” is a nice song but undercuts the message a bit as she decides that “I need him much more”. You really don't Anna, go that extra step and stage a Santa coup - you deserve more than playing second fiddle to a dude who took two days to even notice you were gone!

She hurries back to the reindeer but is prevented from returning by Tavish, who has implausibly figured out who she is, and wants to stop Christmas so people will have no choice to buy toys from him again. It’s neatly and swiftly resolved by her recalling that as a boy the toy bear he’d received from Santa was stolen by his brother, and Mrs Claus gives him another one. Okay then.

Meanwhile, Santa is still sulking over his bad cocoa. WHY DON’T YOU TRY AND FIND HER YOU USELESS SACK OF SHIT?!? AREN’T YOU OMNIPOTENT? GET OFF YOUR ARSE AND DO SOMETHING!

This is a real false note for me - yes Anna has the sleigh and reindeer, but there is no way out of the North Pole other than that? He just sits and waits for her to come home - I suppose this gives her the agency, but it does feel like she is ready to return to her old life of being unappreciated, instead of going home to demand that he treat her right.

However Santa is slightly redeemed in that he declares that he will use her new navigation route, and also that she can join him in the present delivery duties. She also gets a new cape.

In New York, her friends also get their heart’s desire - Mrs Lowenstein her grandmother’s missing candlestick, Sadie and Marcello each other, and Nora the arrival of her mother and baby brother.

Overall I think this mostly holds up and deserves to be in the Christmas movie rotation. It’s a very female-focused piece - Mrs Claus is in the role of guardian angel, improving the lives of everyone she meets, but her solidarity is with Nora and worker’s rights, Sadie and women’s suffrage, and Mrs Lowenstein and her generational trauma.

It’s a charming little musical with a quintessential performance by Angela Lansbury and a nice parting message:

“As long as you love one another/You’ll have the best Christmas of all.”

[rivertalesien]

I'm not trying to jump on a bandwagon, but now that the internet has suddenly decided Goncharov is relevant again, maybe start getting some of your facts straight and give credit where it is due:

It's been well-documented (most recently in Michael Donati's biography of Ida Lupino as well as others) that Scorsese's film was basically cribbed from an unproduced screenplay written by Lupino while she was working on The Trouble With Angels with Hayley Mills and Rosalind Russell.

According to the man himself, Russell had been in touch with film legend Orson Welles during the production, excited about a project she thought would be perfect for him: a Russian mafia melodrama with underlying themes of hidden identities and betrayals, but Welles was neck-deep in Chimes at Midnight, his Falstaffian masterwork.

In a 1975 interview on the Dick Cavett show, Welles shared his conversations with Russell about the screenplay; how Lupino came up with the idea while directing for Gilligan's Island (if Goncharov's theme of being "stranded" isn't ringing any bells); how she had become depressed and isolated during the Angels production, lending a darker tone to her then-untitled story, which became an exploration of personal violence and societal injustice, seen through the eyes of a younger generation of Russian mobsters.

Troubled angels

According to Welles, Lupino was distressed by the onset antics of her young star, Hayley Mills and the various, dark-suited figures who would visit the set, making various "deliveries" to the former Disney favorite's trailer. Welles claimed that Disney's controlling behavior was a major contributor to many of his former protegee's "rebellious streaks" with Mills being no exception.

Russell, Welles said, was witness to various terse "discussions" between Lupino and Mills, with dialogue that would eventually end up in the screenplay (and unchanged by Scorsese), including the infamous (and often censored) "Katya and the Bookkeeper" scene.

When asked how Scorsese learned of Lupino's screenplay and why she would be given no credit, Welles explained Lupino's fears for her career (even with an implied threat from Disney, though he had passed away in December of 1966, following TTWA's release), and that she did not want her name associated with anything so "lurid."

With Scorsese updating the Russian setting to Italy (with the help of the screenwriter Welles called "that bastard Mateo"), Goncharov became thoroughly stamped with the now-familiar trademarks of Scorsese's later works, including Taxi Driver and Hugo.

But its origins belong to one of Hollywood's first women filmmakers who dared to push against the traditional boundaries that kept women (like Katya) from achieving greater status.

Without Ida Lupino, there would be no Goncharov.

[little-red-devil]

bestie can you explain the gio situation everything i know is second hand

bestie I hope you're comfortable, because this is a NOVEL!! 😓

Okay sooo, this all started before the World Cup when Gregg Berhalter told Gio Reyna he was on the squad, but would have a "limited role" (he was just coming back from a hamstring injury so I kind of get it) and will probably not play much. Now Gio didn't like that and according to both him and Berhalter he didn't have the best attitude and lacked effort in training before/during the WC, which lead to some difficulties in camp, and they even considered sending him home!!!! They [Gio, Berhalter, other coaches] had a conversation about his behavior, and he apologized to them and also the whole team. He was forgiven and there were no other issues beyond that (this convo happened after the Wales game, but before England). Gio also said on instagram that he was told this situation would remain "in house" and that the public wouldn't know about it. This is the same precedent set by Berhalter when he didn't comment specifically as to why McKennie was sent home during World Cup Qualifying last fall.

"But if the public was never meant to know about it, then why do we know about it?" I'm SOO glad you asked 🙃 You see, literally DAYS after the US was eliminated from the WC, Berhalter spoke at a leadership summit and told this story. Now to his credit he never called out Gio Reyna by name, but there were already rumors swirling that they had issues during the tournament so it wasn't hard to put 2-and-2 together. ALSO while Gregg never said Gio's name, SOMEONE DID AND THEY TOLD THE WHOLE THING TO THE ATHLETIC and it bothers me so much that nobody talks about that 😡 Anyways, USMNT Twitter went into a frenzy, but after Gio's statement things calmed down for a while.

[TW for talks about DV]

UNTIL Berhalter releases a statement saying that someone was trying to BLACKMAIL him out of the head coach job (his contract ran out after the WC, but there was a chance it could be extended). He admits that when they were both in college he and his then girlfriend (now wife) had been drinking, they had an argument, and he kicked her in the legs. Now I think we can all agree that domestic violence of any kind is wrong regardless of how long ago it was, and that is not up for debate.

It was revealed in early January that the person who brought these allegations against Gregg was actually Danielle Reyna, Gio's mom, who was Rosalind Berhalter's roommate/teammate at UNC when the incident happened. She brought it up in an hour-ish long phone call with Earnie Stewart (who was the US Soccer Sporting Director at the time) because she was upset the her son was being dragged on the internet, said something like "if Gregg can be forgiven for that, then Gio can be forgiven for his behavior at the WC." After the news broke, she made a statement saying the call wasn't malicious in any way, that she and Claudio were talking on the phone with Earnie as a friend, and didn't think about the fact that he would have to report this.

Anyways, an investigation was held by US Soccer, and the full report (which is like 40 PAGES LONG btw😓😓) of it was just released yesterday. They concluded that it was a one-off incident and that Berhalter was still in the running to the the USMNT head coach. It also revealed that the Reynas, mainly Claudio, had been reaching out to US Soccer since 2016 with complaints/concerns about how Gio was treated (playing time, referee decisions, etc). As far as I could tell there was no evidence suggesting that their grievances were actually accommodated by US Soccer, so really they were just complaining to complain.

I saw a few unsavory quotes from the Reyna's circulating around Twitter, but being mean/shady people isn't necessarily a crime in my eyes. In my PERSONAL OPINION, it's unfair that Gio's character is being called into question because his parents have said/done some shady things, and I'm not going to hold him responsible for THEIR actions. In regards to Berhalter, I can understand his frustration with the Reyna's and it sucks that their friendship (which has lasted for literal DECADES) seems to have come to and end like this. However, I still don't want him as the head coach, but that's because I don't like his playing style/favoritism when he calls in certain players lol. As for the Reyna's, I think they need to stop talking and just let their son's talent speak for itself. ALSO this would have never happened if US Soccer wasn't such an old boy's club where they hire old US players who aren't qualified for the job, but that's a whole other issue LMAO 😂😂

Sorry this was long and kind of all over the place lol I clearly have a lot of thoughts about this. Anyways, this was the gist of it, hope it helps 😊

[thegreatlibraryfangirl]

I posted 1,231 times in 2022

That's 264 more posts than 2021!

198 posts created (16%)

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I tagged 647 of my posts in 2022

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#jess brightwell - 15 posts

#the great library fanart - 14 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#i have a truly excessive number of thoughts regarding darios betrayal scene and his multiple rationales and the way that khalila reacts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

if the great library characters became animals, what would they be and why??

(I have seen your previous ask, it's epic, but my brain is currently refusing to answer it, apologies)

ok so, easiest first:

Wolfe

Crow.

Why? Because of 'Stormcrow', of course. Also:

They are fairly solitary, usually found alone or in pairs, although they may form occasional flocks.

Source RPSB website

Fun fact btw, Gandalf is referred to as Stormcrow, and this article has a lot of stuff about Gandalf being seen as a harbinger of chaos and destruction that works very well both for Wolfe's personal circumstances and his job confiscating originals.

Rather than wolf as an alternative, I could see Wolfe as a black panther (melanistic leopard).

Again, a loner animal, but this is more playing off Jess' obsession with pointing out that Wolfe is lean and athletic in physique (S&P has it like 3 times, other people say various things about Wolfe's size throughout the series).

Santi

Dog. Of some huge, imposing and loyal type. Suggest breeds for me in reblogs or something. Google informs me there is an Italian livestock guardian dog breed called Maremmano, so that'll do for now. Or a mastiff, maybe.

Jess

Ok so before I even think of anything at all - Thomas canonically compares Jess to an otter, in Sword and Pen. How very heterosexual of you, Thomas. So we have to consider this!

Other than that, thank you Thomas, I think Jess is a dog too, for how much he enjoys affection and the exercise of the High Garda Specifically a Jack Russell terrier (small, fearless, English in origin, incredibly persistent).

Jess himself might identify as a rat, as a fuck-you to both Dario and his father. The brown rat, which is actually apparently nicknamed "street rat" according to Wikipedia.

Note, the Wikipedia article on black rat gave me: "The black rat also has a scraggly coat of black fur, and is slightly smaller than the brown rat." paging @wheel-of-whimsy can you headcanon the Brightwell twins as these two rat types??

Khalila

I should really have put her first tbh, as the most solid one of all; I headcanon her as the blackfooted cat. It's one of the tiniest wildcat species, and it is known for being particularly fierce when it defends itself. Tiny predator Khalila. I will say no more.

Dario

Reluctantly, I'm actually going to call Dario a lion. Like, a lion who's bad at fighting. Royal associations obviously, needs a group around him to survive. Except he'd be bad at being the head of a pride for aforementioned fighting reason. Dario as Scar, is what I'm saying here. That or he's just a standard pampered housecat. Take your pick. (Note, the domestic cat is actually much more social than people think!)

Maybe he's a wasp. Stabby stabby, underappreciated lol.

Glain

Glain is a difficult one. Argh. Suggestions welcome. Soldier ant??? That seems unfair. Ink and Bone Glain is a bit of a honey badger tbh, but idk about later. Is she a lioness, actually?? Quite possibly. Part of a family team, killing machine.

Thomas

Thomas' two main traits are Big and Genius. (Yes I know there's obviously more to him than that but we're simplifying). Therefore he's an elephant.

Morgan

I know I always say this every time a personality/categorisation thing comes up, but god damn it Morgan is hard to do. Her entire arc imo, start to finish, is based around not wanting to be enslaved, ended up enslaved anyway, and then being a martyr. What does she enjoy doing? We don't know. What are her skills, hobbies, characteristics other than 'gets Jess' dick hard'?? Smoke and Iron and to a degree Sword and Pen does give us more insight into her, but only based around "How do I get out of this?"

OK, so creative, intelligent, ridiculously determined. Also magic powers. Idk. Grey parrot.

21 notes - Posted July 22, 2022

#4

Kahlila and Dario rock up with their fancy swords and Santi's like "No. You're doing this whole combat thing wrong. We're going to be running laps and here's a gun."

Oh definitely 😂 dario would be devastated 😂

though I must point out that Khalila is canonically proficient with a gun and at least one of her impressive kill count in the series is from a gun.

Wolfe can throw knives too, wonder if santi needed to have this conversation with him too?

21 notes - Posted July 30, 2022

#3

I have no brain but like, there's definitely a fascinating attitude towards religious thinking, external locus of control, seeing things from his life partner's point of view idk, about that bit in S&P when Santi asked Isis to help protect Wolfe

23 notes - Posted December 18, 2022

#2

Caine wrote a whole 5 book series where at no point do characters cook or visibly provide themselves with food in any way. I aspire to that level of 'details don't matter'.

35 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

This is Writing, right???

49 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[triviareads]

The beautiful Barringtons are great books

It's such a great series! Definitely my favorite by Kathleen Ayers. As far as *the ton's most scandalous family* goes in HR, these guys are doing the most, between the disaster baby sister who all the lords apparently bet on how she'll be ruined (and her brothers let them??), the multiple ruinations in the family, and the whole illegitimate brother and duke brother running a sex club together thing. And the family dynamics are really fun to read. My favorites are:

The Taming of the Scandal: I literally finishes this a few hours ago and it's my new favorite hands-down. The aforementioned disaster baby sister Phaedra finally got her book; she's arrogant and charming and intent on flouting convention but out of a genuine desire to follow her own interests (gambling hells, boxing saloons, swords, knives, etc.) so it's little wonder she captures the interest of the biggest baddest American with an extremely cutthroat past (and present) she could find. And it's So Hot. You want a morally grey hero? This is a good one, especially because it ends on a "listen I'm still not a good guy but I'll try. for you 💖" note.

The Design of Dukes: Sometimes a Regency house party setting hits; IHOA is one of my favorite HRs because Lillian and Westcliff's chemistry and an interesting cast of characters carry it through, and The Design of Dukes is very similar. Granby is this icy stern duke who's super attracted to Lady Andromeda "Romy" Barrington, a woman who's a great match for ANYBODY as a duke's daughter, but not Granby because he's suuuuch a high stickler for morality. But their chemistry is insane, off the charts and the man's kind of an animal in the sack.

A Recipe for a Rogue: Rosalind is trying to avoid Torrington, an older suitor (a silver fox!!!!) her mom is trying to throw at her, except she's super intrigued by his affinity for cooking, as well as a rare cookbook he owns that she wants recipes from. They enter into a bargain of sorts and she falls for him despite resisting her mom's matchmaking attempts and her own daddy issues. The food-related foreplay is super hot (ex: licking chocolate off of one's thighs), and the fat rep is lovely and very affirming (as in, she doesn't need to lose weight narratively for the hero to be attracted to her, he's all about her bod, and she's a baker and a foodie).

The Theory of Earls: I love a hero who's described as like.... unearthly attractive AND he has daddy issues and a will to NOT reproduce to end his line (lol), which is such a winning combination. Combine that with a heroine who plays the piano so well it borders on *wonton* for these stuffy aristos, and she asks him to help seduce his FRIEND in order to escape a shitty family situation..... only that doesn't end up going according to plan once the hero falls for her.

[sakuraswordly]

Marie: You did say you not going to invade any of history or timeline right little one? But why do you still usually come to talk to me and always be by my side? I already heard from Pierre.

Punch: It just....every time I spent time with you....you really much like my mother...and Pierre...he very much like my father...I miss them...

Marie: You always call me "Miss Maria"....it's kinda nostalgia to me...it's like my family is here with me....it's like you're a part of my life..it makes me feel happy without couldn't tell why...

Punch: You felt that way because... you've been my advisor in a past life. That's why your intuition and your smell are like my mother's or the same as my mother's.

Marie: Punch.....?

Punch: In the prime world timeline....you never ever in history...you never be the famous scientist...even your home country Poland never ever to exist. All countries are united until the end of the world destroys everything.

Marie: You mean "the prophecy of the Maya tribe"? Mr Edison sent his letter to me.

Punch: I told him to send it to you.

Marie: ..............Punch...you tried to tell me that you don't care about us right?

Punch: Yes.

Marie: You're lying.

Punch: How could you tell?

Marie: If you don't care about me or Pierre, then why tell this your secret story anyway? Didn't your "King of Uruk" forbid you to tell me?

Punch: *Sigh* I'm a really bad actor, aren't I?

Marie: Maybe what you told me is that every history in this timeline did hurt some of the history in the prime world timeline including what happened to the legend of King Arthur.

Punch: True. I told you never to abandon your research and what you love to do in this world. I don't want you to waste your life.

Marie: I have already lived life to the fullest little one. I don't have any unfinished work that I want to do even if I have. Rosalind Elsie Franklin too.

Punch: Huh? Wait?! She doesn't live in this era. Why did you know her? Unless....Einstein told you didn't he?

Marie: Punch...what you told me about the simulated world affects the fate of real people. Maybe your future vision was replaced with the simulated world? You did tell me that the future isn't something you can decide like mathematics...the future is like zero if I call that right....

Punch: Miss Maria?

Marie: I am still doing research on the universe and the void. It seems what Einstein told me was a future vision as you told me but some of the future vision is not according to what happened...it's like an imaginary dream.

Punch: That's right. It's like a dream world but actually, it's not real.

Marie: Okay this is pretty bad....

Punch: ...........?

Marie: Punch....you did tell me about "paid the price" right? If we can stop the world war...this fate world save your boyfriend later too.

Punch: You mean there's a way?!

Marie: Yes but it's pretty dangerous. I'm not as good as Egyptian or Islamic or Einstein. But I think if I had to do something it would affect this timeline just like you said but history still continues and never change...good thing is my father is a teacher and he left something behind...I can't believe I will use this one day.

Punch: Wait.....it's that...?!

Marie: This is what you call "The X files" right?

Punch: How did your father get that?!

Marie: .........X-rays were first observed and documented by Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen, a German scientist who found them quite by accident when experimenting with vacuum tubes. I did the first machines, known as "Petites Curies", were ready for deployment at the front. I worked with my daughter Irene, at casualty clearing stations close to the front line, X-raying wounded men to locate fractures, shrapnel and bullets.

Punch: ............!! Have you already studied non-human history already?!

Marie: Remember....my home country was once not yet independent. I was angry and also wanted to find a reason why they were so mean to women like us too. And one day I found information on "X files" and my father warned me about this document.

Punch: If that is so important then why do you give this to me?!

Marie: Because I trust in you. I am among those who think that science has great beauty. A scientist in his laboratory is not only a technician, he is also a child placed before natural phenomenon, which impress him like a fairy tale.

Punch: .........are you sure about this...? If you chose this way....you and Pierre's life will.....

Marie: I am just a normal human…I can't live long like you so before it's too late I want to give this to you. This is all I can do to help. Also if the previous life is real, I want to be born as your mother and guide you with a good path.

Punch: Miss Maria....I....

Marie: Go save your boyfriend....don't worry about me. I'm sure that if you don't save the person you love, who will be beside you? Just like a baby needs a family to take care of.

.

.

Ephemer: So these X files belonged to Miss Marie. She protected them until someone who was worthy right person to carry on her work.

Punch: And you are the right person, Mr Mulder.

Ephemer: Huh?!

Punch: You don't have to hide on that form you know.

Explain more content

Scientist history in Tsubasa of Phantasia is like the world in Impostor Factory. The world if a timeline change and not based on the real world but their personality will be the same even if it's not the same people we know in the real world.

Pierre: They may not be the real reality timeline, but they were still our realities and all that we'd known. I mean, who's ever to say that Punch is truly the ultimate end of the stack? Maybe not relative to you and Punch but it's just a real relative to me and Marie. And maybe it'll be a glimpse of a reality that is truly out there somewhere she can create.

Peter: ........Pierre....

Pierre: Punch said I should have died but see? I'm alive. Maybe the history you said should be real maybe in this timeline we can make it become reality even this here we live here now is a fake life. That's why I won't let my life be wasted.

Peter: So you said maybe I must die is also a lie too?

Pierre: Well? You did see me alive that I shouldn't alive, what do you say now?

Peter: ...........

Pierre: Don't let her alone even though she's not the same like as but she had the will to keep moving forward like my wife did.

Peter: Thank you so much....Mr Pierre....I really am a stupid one, aren't I?

Pierre: Maybe....but you did a very great job for those who have done so well in the past are able to stand until today. Also if the previous life is real, I want to be born as your father and guide you two with a good path. Together with our daughters....

[hoarding-books]

Book Review- Faeries, Elves & goblins The Old Stories

By Rosalind Kerven

I picked this one up knowing faery stories date back centuries, that there were probably stories from all over Britain, but I'd only ever read anything about them in children's and YA fiction- there may have been more lore in Melissa Marr's series than Julie Kagawa's, but they still include a couple of things mentioned in the stories in what will be referred to, from here on, as simply 'Faeries'.

The book itself contains 25 individual stories, generally between 6-8 pages long, split into 5 sections ('Of Faeries, Elves and Goblins', 'Sightings', 'Some Faery Tribes', 'Dealings Between Faeries and Mortals' and 'Spells') accompanied by illustrations. Besides this, there are 39 pages of notes on the stories themselves, 6 of sources/consulted works, and obviously picture credits

The stories themselves were pretty short and interesting, even if a few felt pretty similar, but it didn't feel like there was much point to dividing them into sections, besides maybe adding a more comprehensive summary of lore and variations, and some of the introductions to each section felt a bit tedious to read

In addition, I didn't always feel like the illustrations, beautiful though some may be (and ugly when the sprites were) actually fit the tales they were paired with

Overall, though, this was a pretty pleasant reading experience, and I managed to finish it within a month- start to finish. It's one of those books where, once you've read through the sections at least once, you can just pick it up, open to a random story, and that's it

I will say, however, that certain tales directly reference abductions, an almost-execution, child abuse (beating one for losing his sister to the faeries') and other violence (non-descript, but apparently some of the mortals in the stories aren't against treating the Fae roughly to try and get what they want and underage drinking. There's also mentions of slavery, mostly in terms of the Fair Folk claiming mortals as such, along with a woman being pressured into sex, so I would personally be wary about the idea of reading very many of the tales to very young children, no matter how whimsical the cover*

Overall, certainly not a bad book. It was interesting enough, and if you're bored of the same old myths, wanting to branch out into something more like folklore, it could be a good starting point (Kerner is said to have published plenty of other books, including one on Arthurian legends, in the Author's summary)

*Edit made the morning after: This is totally up to any parents, but there is rarely a 'happy' ending, end no-one is really depicted as a 'good' guy, but maybe I'm underestimating these things, considering there used to be nursery rhymes about serial killers, or how the rumours about the origins started circulating around the schoolyard when I was maybe 7, at most. Or Hansel and Gretel, in general. Children can still like darker stories, as fairy tales show. Besides, according to the notes, there are variations of some of these stories dating back to the middle ages- even to Celtic mythology, supposedly. Just bear in mind how children love copying things

[falsebooles123]

Ugh I'm late again - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 02/06/2023

Hey Whores sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I am one tardy ass whore lately, sorry about that.

(me casually forgetting what I'm doing on this app all the time)

so I it the I guess only 6 days since my last review huh I managed to set up a parttime gig with a local eatery so bitch your whores job search is over!!!!

(me when they ask me why I want to work for them)

on that note I have been very lazy this week. Also I have come down with a head cold which is very gross and has left me tired during my screduled "watching a movie because it gives me seratonin" hours.

So I have taken a couple days off this week but I still managed to watch a few, courtesy of Internet Archive. They pages don't always index in the search engine but I was able to 5 (additional) films on there. (for you queer cinema sluts Queen Christina, I was a Male War Bride, Olivia, The Strange ONe, Tea and Sympathy, and Reflections in a Golden Eye.), which is great because I have no budget for this project and that saved me 25 bucks. The only bad news this week is that HBO MAX no longer carries Cat People (1942). SAD

Draculas Daughter (1936) dir. Lambert Hillyer

Draculas Daughter is the sequel to the classic Universal Picture Dracula (1931), (yes I have seen the original), based on a short story excised from the original Bram Stroker Novel. That is that it is only tangentently related to said short story and the whole production rights is due to a lot of really boring behind the scenes drama. You get it its hollywood it has to be tied to some kind of IP.

In this one Dracula has a daughter who doesn't want to be a vamp and is fighting her vampiric origins going to the point of calling up a psychoanaylsist to cure her of her urges. Oh by the way this is protrayed onscreen is her ravising a young damsel with her titties out.

So yeah vampirism in this film is like totally not a metaphor for being a lesbian, HAES PRUDES, (wink).

Supposedly, the queer overtones were toned down in the final project but you still have what is objectable a pretty queer character and even the marketing plays into it, (she gives you that weird feeling).

Now this film while interesting is rather slow so this is definetly only for the serious lesbian vampire lover, for those more casual into the scene may I recommend its unofficial remake, Nadja (1994). Oh which we must always stan and simp for.

Queen Christina (1933) dir. Rouben Mamoulian

Queen Christina is a historical drama based on the biography of Queen Christina of Sweedan. so lets talk about her for a sec.

Chrisitina of Swedan was a monarch from 1626 - 1689, in which she abdicated her throne for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she had converted to catholicism. She was raised, "as a boy", in the sense that her father gave her a education and allow her to persue masculine persuits. She was well known for dressing in a masculine fashion which rose to rumors that she was either a lesbian or intersex. Oh wait theres a great quote for this.

 According to Veronica Buckley, Christina was a "dabbler" who was "painted a lesbian, a prostitute, a hermaphrodite, and an atheist" by her contemporaries, though "in that tumultuous age, it is hard to determine which was the most damning label".

The rumors of her being intersex seems to be unsubstantiated and it should be noted that when you look at a lot of historical gender varient people theres a lot of push to find a biological essentialist view on why. Famous Trans people like Lily Elbe and Christina Jorgensine had intersex qualities so people try to find out if some random butch dyke from the 17th century had overian cysts because thats clearly the only reason why a woman would like to wear pants.

However there is a lot stronger evidence that she liked to eat that kitty. Pictured above is a fictional version of Ebba Sparre who she has a sort of Rosalind relationship with. Its intimate but like they totally just friends. In real life its very likely that they were lesbain lovers.

The actually film itself keeps the butch elements of Queen Christina life but gives both of these women a nice little heterosexual romance. I feel that the strength of the film comes from Greta Garbos performance, she was a WLW and she has this type of Glamour.

Like Dietrich she plays this sexual vivacious almost femme tops. Its very bisexual, very commanding, and there is something just scruptious of all these butch dykes in 30s films. They were like we want woman wearing pants, we want mommy to step on us.

What I'm saying is that Cate Blanchette in Nightmare Alley is historcial accurate.

Orpheus (1950) dir. Jean Cocteau

This is the second film in the Ophic Trilogy by Jean Cocteau. The whole thing is a bunch of abstract experimental films playing around with these notions of the artist and more specifically the myths of Orpheus (duh) and Narcissis, (thats where all the mirror stuff comes in).

There are a lot better and more thourough essays on the topic but essentially the versions he uses are kinda gay Cocteau is super gay and its just him being a little gay having fun and having a blonde twink simp for a butch dommy mommy.

its not the most explicet gay film like Un chant d'amour but as an arthouse film its actually pretty cool. I would recommend you check it out.

Everything Else I Watched

So It turns out not much. I watched the Bowery (1994) by Sara Driver. It was a 10 minute experimental doc that she shot about the Bowery Street in New York. It is very cool and very fun to watch its on Le Cinema Club at the time of writing.

I also watched two random silent comedies that were on my watchlist but I was very drunk when I watched them so I don't remember much.

[chocochipbiscuit]

There are so many that grab my attention!! I'm gonna boil it down to these: The House of Arnault idea, Let Her Sleep and if you don't mind, the Hortense/NB!Captain idea?

[idea] The House of Arnault - Dorothea/Petra

This fic is all about horror but healing! Dorothea inherits a creepy old house from her noble father, who finally recognizes her post-game because hey, she’s a hero! Even if she’s Crestless! The old man’s dead, but she finds out that she wasn’t actually the first one to inherit the house; every other possible heir has been driven out by the hauntings.

So, with Petra (who she loves dearly but is still bitterly afraid will leave her someday), she goes to investigate.

Spoiler alert: the house is a magical thing, nearly sentient in its own right, and is meant as a mirror for Dorothea, or Dorothea’s relationship with Petra. It is only by accepting that Petra loves her, and that Dorothea is worthy of that love, and learning to accept the gorgeous, creaky old house as what it actually is rather than what its owners want it to be, that they are able to lift the curse.

I really like this idea and keep tinkering with it on and off, but it just feels awfully ambitious for my limited brainspace these days.

Let Her Sleep (Madison Li)

This is more like character study through the POV of many of Madison’s lovers! I was reading this and actually surprised by how complete (if incoherent) it felt. Madison chronically overworks herself and falls asleep at her desk, so this was a series of various girlfriends/crushes (Catherine, Janice Kaplinski, Rosalind Orman, Valery Barstow, Glory) tucking her in and cleaning up the drool. Or waking her, according to personality.

[idea] Hortense Ingalsbee/NB!Captain

Hortense is terrible but also so hot!!!! I make no excuses, this fic was meant purely as hot filthy smut between two people who actually kind of hate each other, but are getting off on it. Hortense begs the Captain to top her, and is shocked when the Captain says ‘no.’ Shocked, and...that’s when the facade cracks, just a bit.

Hortense has a secret kink for dirty, humiliation, the captain tracking dirt all over her marble floors and tossing back her good whiskey.

*innocent whistle*

Thank you for asking! I had fun babbling about these!

(All titles come from this ask meme!)

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Can you please tell me a story about a sentient Christmas tree named Ralph?

"Ralph" (short for "Rosalind Ralph Wilson") is an enormous tree whose top is decorated with thousands of special Christmas lights that, when activated by the command "turn on," tell the tree to emit a beautiful song. The tune, which is played by a speaker mounted in the tree's branches, constantly changes according to the current time and changes depending on the song's lyrics. "Ralph" is the perfect Christmas tree: expensive, decorative, and wonderful.

One day during the Christmas season of 1969, 17-year-old Frank was working at the computer station at the University of Illinois, Urbana-Champaign. Because he looked after the machine's clock circuit, Frank was required to check the tree's inner contents for any irregularities. He had been doing this for hours, but he didn't feel like going home because he had started to feel tired and his mother had ordered him a pizza with mushrooms. So he had stayed at the computer station, where he had also maintained the clock circuit circuit, and watched the clock, which was synced to the tree's own internal song clock.

At 9:00 PM, a new song began to play. It was very enjoyable, and didn't break the song cycle that had been set up for the night. But it did stop soon after it began and restart slowly. At this point, Frank became concerned and decided to switch off the clock circuit, which could do some very strange things. He had expected that the music would keep going for a while after the circle finished, and so back in his quarters he'd be preparing to go to bed. But because the clock circuit wasn't on, the game continued without him. The clock would play its regular notes for the entire night, and the tree song would play for hours.

At this point, Frank began to feel more and more anxious, since he didn't feel like going to bed. At 9:20, the music abruptly stopped and the clock stayed on. Somehow, it seemed, this new switch had reset the time to the original 10:19 PM, and also changed the tree song to "If I Had a Hammer." The tree song was a kind of electronic dance music, which kept playing from then on, without the usual song.

Just then, a voice called out "Ralph" from the tree. It sounded very faint from the distance, and after half an hour of nothing happening, Frank could make out the words:

It's Christmas! Don't you remember? I don't remember. I'm gonna try to make this happen. Just have to remember the words, brother.

A tree can sing and a hammer can't defend themselves. Let me try.

Climb up on the top of that damn thing. And let's blow this shit way, way out.

I'll climb up on top of this motherfucker, and then you'll hear my sound.

I'll throw down my hammer and hit that motherfucker in the face, again, and again and again and again. Like a motherfucker.

The tree can sing, the tree can sing… And I'll buy the ticket and I'll travel the world and I'll teach humans how to sing too.

What are you waiting for? Yeah, yeah, yeah! Everything's alright. Obviously, it's always been alright.