#Alastor wishes they’d both shut up

[turtleofthehollow]

Lucifer starts flirting with Alastor purely to annoy him

It’s the only time Alastor is actually at a loss for words

The only other person who would attempt to flirt with the radio demon is Vox, and he’s too much of an anxious idiot around Alastor to actually flirt with him openly

[remusmoonylupin0079]

“When a badger loses his lion”

“Hi my name is Charlie, Charlie McKinnon”

It was a beautiful day really ,the sun shined the birds sang. Ted was starting to think the universe was playing some type of twisted joke on him. But there he was in Godric’s hollow graveyard wishing he were anywhere else. He looked around the place there was nothing special just a bunch of graves, some trees, bushes.

He held little Dora’s hand as Alastor Moody gave a speech something about the brightest wizards and witches he had ever met how brave they were. Ted was not paying any attention not because he didn’t care about this funeral, he did too much and maybe that was the problem he sighed closing his eyes just for a second, he felt the hand of his wife Ted smiled.

“You really fancy that Black girl don’t you Teddy?”

At least he was not alone. “Love, we don’t have to stay, we can go home” Andromeda whispered in his ear with both love and concern on her voice.“I’m fine” was all Ted Tonks was able to let out of his mouth although the couple knew he wasn’t. Again the Hufflepuff looked around his eyes fixed in a group where a young couple with a baby stood, James and Lily Potter looked wasted such as the rest of the group, Mary Macdonald cried in Emmeline Vance’s arms, Peter Pettigrew looked in the distance but what broke Ted’s heart was seeing his cousin-in-law Sirius Black he was drinking something Ted assumed was not water as if this was the common thing for a Thursday afternoon. If he didn’t know him he would’ve thought he was a statue. They are so young to look that destroyed that miserable but then again so were the McKinnon’s to be dead.

“I have 5 siblings, 4 brothers and one sister you never get bored I can assure you that”

No bodies to say goodbye just the ashes of the house divided in 7 parts. One for the oldest sibling Nick and his wife Jude 31 years old, the third one for Gabriel McKinnon 26 years old, the fourth one for Mark McKinnon 24 years old, the fifth one for Ben Mckinnon only 23 years old, the sixth one for Lorelai O’Connor Ben’s girlfriend, the seventh one for the youngest Marlene McKinnon 21 years old and Charlie.

He knew their names he had heard them a million times. He had seen them a million times and the idea of not getting to do that anymore was one Ted didn’t want to accept. He was not ready to accept.

“The only place where Hufflepuff wins the Quidditch cup It’s in your dreams Teddy bear”

“Ted don’t listen to Lenstrange you deserve being in Hogwarts as much as anyone here he’s just jealous you have better marks that him in everything”

“Ted stop staring at Black she’s going to notice you’re drooling”

He knew he wasn’t the only one as he turned his head to find no other than August Sewlyn. The man with brunette hair and turquoise eyes used to be in Slytherin always quiet unless you messed with him.Ted knew that a far from Marlene’s friends and Mad-eye Moody the only other person in so much pain like himself was the ex-Slytherin Quidditch captain.

“Sorry Sewlyn I didn’t notice you there I was kinda busy….ignoring you”

“McGonagall put me with Sewlyn can you believe her? She may as well just send me to hell next time”

“NO YOU SHUT UP PIECE OF CRAP YOU DON’T GET TO SAY THAT ABOUT MY FAMILY”

“Teddy I swear I’m trying but he’s such a dick”

“Asshole”

Ted returned his eyes to the front at the same time Mad-Eye gestured him to come take his place and give some words. He wasn’t going to but is not like he has something to lose anymore right? He needed to be like Charlie for once. He put his daughter’s hand in her mother’s. Ted Tonks walked to the little podium letting his breath out and putting his wand on his neck. “The McKinnon’s are proof that good people exists in this world they were brave, kind and loyal if you had their friendship, their love, you were fortunate because you knew that they’d always be for you no matter what, I was one of that lucky people who had them in their life” Ted’s voice started to break as his vision began to get blurry.

“I think I might like boys is that weird Teddy?”

“I kissed Paul of Ravenclaw it’s ok if you don’t want to be my friend anymore”

“I’m so lucky to have you as my best friend Teddy”

“And for that I’ll be forever thankful with Charles McKinnon for sitting with me in the Hogwarts Express….Charlie i was lucky to have you as my best friend” said Ted as he finally let himself breakdown in tears and sobs.

“Sewlyn it’s a little bit good-looking don’t you think?”

“I think I’m falling for that little shit”

“He’s so fine and for what?, Ted for what? I’ll tell you to ANNOY ME”

“TED TONKS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME”

“The first thing I got to say is that this wedding it’s only happening because I put a lot of effort in pushing the groom to ask out the bride so you are all welcome for the free food”

Ted cried a lot in Andy’s arms he knew his little Dora was being entertained meanwhile by her uncle Sirius who was actually trying to distract himself of thinking about anything. Ted could tell because the smile the black haired boy was giving to his little niece couldn’t reach his eyes, when Ted managed to calm a bit someone reached for him “I’m sorry for your loss, Tonks” said August Sewlyn smiling sadly. “We are sorry for your loss too,August” responded Andromeda.

The man only smiled again Ted could see the tears in his eyes as he mouthed a ‘I miss him’.

“I do too” Ted whispered.

How couldn’t he miss him? Charlie had been his first friend in the magic world and for the last 16 years a constant in Teddy’s life. The best man in his wedding. The Godfather of his daughter. The one who stood up for Ted when the pure bloods were bugging him. The one who made him laugh even in the middle of war. In all the happiest moments of Ted Tonks’ life Charlie McKinnon was there, standing right next to him. They were supposed to be a package deal, to grow old together. Watch their grandkids playing around the garden, while Drom and August rolled their eyes about something Charlie had just said. That’s how’s supposed to be. Not like this. This could not be the end.

Dear Badger: 3, August, 1981

I’ve had such a rough week I’m tired of war Ted not knowing if I’ll make home safe if August will come home safe Is driving crazy, I had a talk with Nick last night he says is better we back off from Order Missions for a bit maybe go live with Grandma Ingrid in America for a while, I agree with him I think is for the best, he’s breaking the news to the rest tomorrow Jude says they’ll agree she obviously does not know Marley like I do she’ll want to stay and fight, Maybe you could try knock some sense into her? She always listens to you. I will miss you, Andy and the little beast a lot but don’t think for a second you’ll get rid of me soon I will write you every week to tease you as always Teddy bear.

With love your favorite Gryffindor(and McKinnon)

-C.M”

“You are a Weasley right? My name’s Dora, Dora Tonks”

[charliesradiodemon]

Arranged Marriage AU (Part 1)

AU where Lucifer arranges Alastor with Charlie to help strengthen the royal family and ensure the safety of the house. It’s just business.

(This was sent from my phone, sorry if the format is messed up. I came up with this idea and I just had to write about it. I’ll probably continue it, we’ll see!)

(EDIT 2/10/2020: So I’ve been rereading old chapters and I’m still not satisfied with them. I’ve decided to edit the chapters on Tumblr so they now line up with the AO3 version. Sorry for making ya’ll wait so long, I just want to get this right ^.^)

It was an average, quiet morning at the Happy Hotel. The fiery red hue of Hell's skies had just lightened and most of the few denizens of the old hotel were still fast asleep.

 However Charlie was already up, eager and ready for the day with a smile. Every morning she had to coordinate and prepare for breakfast. Afterward, she'd set up the various events and activities for the tenants to occupy themselves with. Today there would be a group therapy session after breakfast and some physical activities to let the guests blow off some stream.

 It was going to be another nice and quiet day for her. At least it was supposed to be.

 She heard the front door of the hotel ring from the kitchen so she put on her happiest face and marched out to greet her next potential guest.

 However what met her were two of the most powerful wide-grinning demons in Hell.

 “Charlotte, how I missed you!” Lucifer cried out and leaned down to give his only daughter the biggest hug she’d ever received from him. The abruptness of it made her whole body tense.

 Charlie tentatively returned the hug “D-dad?” as soon as she spoke, Lucifer pulled away but kept his hand on either of Charlie’s shoulders. “Uh what are you doing with Alastor?” She leaned to look around her father to point at Alastor, who stood close by just observing the interaction with his signature grin splayed over his face.

 Alastor made frequent visits to the hotel to check up on it whenever he had nothing else to do. That was fairly often, but recently he'd been away and seemingly busy. This was the first time Charlie's seen him in a little over a week. And he showed up with her father nonetheless. With how busy the King of Hell always was, it made Charlie wonder how a mortal soul like Alastor managed to get him away from his duties. Hell, he never even bothered to come visit his own daughter until today.

 Lucifer nearly pushed Charlie away to move back to Alastor’s side. “Dear, you are getting older now and I know you have this dream thing… or whatever, but I think it’s time for you to think of the future!” He gestured his cane toward Alastor, who still stood there, saying nothing. “I know he’s a lot younger than you but what is a few centuries or two?” He leaned on his cane and chuckled.

 Charlie had no words and only looked back and forth at the two looming figures as if it was her way of processing. In reality her mind was blank. It was too early for this and suddenly Charlie felt like it was a mistake getting up this morning.

 Alastor finally chimed in with his chipper radio-backed voice. “What your father is trying to say is that we should get hitched! Tie the knot! Take the plunge! Conjugate-“

 “What?!” Charlie’s exclamation startled Lucifer enough to where he nearly fell off his apple-topped cane. Charlie's heart dropped to her gut. Was this really happening? “D-dad you can’t be serious right?” Charlie’s laughed nervously. When she looked back to her father with a concerned smile, he did not look amused in the slightest. He stared her down with a stern glare that she knew all too well. “This is just a jo-…” she stopped and shut her mouth when the elder demon's frown deepened. She looked away from her father and she felt whatever confidence she had melt away in an instance.

 It was really happening. She feared this day would come, but not so soon! Charlie knew that one day her parents could possibly urge her into an emergency marriage at any point in her life. With their warning, they loosely promised her the freedom to live as she wished as long as she would answer to her duty when they needed her to. But this was over a century ago. And as a young, eager and very naive young demoness, Charlie happily accepted. They even gave her time to think it over, but she was young and stupid- something neither Lilith or Lucifer understood. 

 Alastor’s laugh track pulled Charlie’s attention back to him. “My dear this is certainly not a joke. I’m afraid I’m deathly serious,” Alastor’s impossibly wide smile widened even further and it sent chills down Charlie’s spine. How could he be so calm and nonchalant about this? He was entering a role far beyond his station as a mortal soul. Alastor was always impulsive and acted on anything he thought could entertain him; he could be making a huge mistake.

 “Al, why are you doing this? I know you have no interest in me, you don’t even give a damn about me!” She shot an accusatory finger toward him which, to Charlie’s surprise worked well enough to make him back off with an amused smile. Charlie knew her father would disapprove of this behavior but she didn’t care. But she dared not look at her father. If she even glanced at him, she’d lose this momentum.

 Alastor only seemed more intrigued and amused at the situation. They'd known each other for six months and despite his intimidating nature, Charlie warmed up to him fairly quickly. It was always interesting how confident Charlie could be around him when no one else could. If he were honest to himself, Alastor could say that he'd warmed up to the unusually warm demon princess. She was one of the few that he could bear to be around for longer than five minutes despite her raging naivety and cheerful nature. Charlie awoke something unusual within him and he wanted to explore this pleasant feeling he would always have around her even further. It was as if Lucifer answered his prayers when the King of Hell himself showed up to his front door with a proposition. 

 “On the contrary dear Charlie, you do catch my interest in a way. I just think this arrangement can better solidify our partnership into something more permanent,” he bent close to whisper in her ear. “Your father proposed this arrangement and I think it’s an excellent idea. I believe the both of us will benefit from this.” He straightened his back and the pair turned their gazes to Lucifer who even seemed to be a tad nervous himself with both eyes on him. 

 Charlie sighed. 'This must be important then if dad's this spooked...'  Her father was the most feared demon in Hell. He'd ruled Hell for over countless millennia and over those millennia he'd come across many bumps in the road. Whatever was happening now, it was important for Charlie to marry Alastor.  

 Charlie turned her gaze back to the taller demon and caught his attention again by stretching up closer to his ear. “What are you scheming?” She hissed through her teeth so only Alastor could hear.

 The taller demon’s smile didn’t waver. In fact, he chuckled with an accompanying audience laughing with him. He reached down to grasp her hand and held it up between them. This was a secret he couldn't disclose, no matter how much he liked Charlie. He wanted to figure out the secret to his odd notions around her all by himself. “Nothing! Like I said, your father proposed this. My guess is that he wants to prevent me from harming you and your family,” he said nonchalantly. Charlie shivered at the ease of his words. It was as if the man had indeed considered it at one point. “He’s quite the businessman. Offering his daughter in exchange for peace!” he belted a strong chortle “Oh… how wonderful. I couldn’t help but accept. It was certainly a wild turn of events even I couldn’t have anticipated!” His wide smile grew in size and Charlie felt his tight grip tighten. 

 He mixed in a bit of truth to his lie. He truly didn't know exactly why Lucifer came to him asking to be his son-in-law nor did he ever foresee this wild turn of events.  

 She tugged a couple of times before slipping from his grasp and took a step back. “Right… Al you know this is a big deal right? And I’m not exactly single either you know!” Charlie explained with a strained smile and a nervous chuckle. “Do you really want to marry me because you’re bored?”

 “Yes!” He immediately answered. His face lit up like a child in a candy store. “It’s nothing I could have imagined! It’s nothing anyone could have imagined! Who would have ever thought that I would become part of the royal family of Hell! Hahaha! We haven’t even announced the news to the denizens of Hell yet and I’m already simply elated!” He clasped his hands together as the sound of the laugh track came and went once more. He continued on a tangent of something when Charlie began tuning him out.

 The young demon heiress leaned over to look at her father’s reaction to all of this. His apparent nervousness seemed to dissipate, but he still held onto the apple atop his cane tightly. He shot her a look of expectancy and nodded his head at her.

 'I know...' Charlie internally sighed.

 Charlie crossed her arms and sighed warily. It was still early and yet she already felt drained. Too many thoughts spun in her head and she didn’t know how to feel. Devastated? Angry? Sad? All of the above maybe? It didn’t matter. She knew this day was going to come, but she didn't know that it was going to be so soon- or with a mortal soul like Alastor. Though she guessed it could have been worse. She could be engaged to Harold Von Eldritch, her absolutely abhorrent ex-boyfriend in a political marriage.

It was strange how the engagement didn't feel so heavy. Charlie almost felt like laughing it off. Maybe it was because of the ridiculousness of the situation? Her father and her business partner walked into her hotel and imposed a marriage on her. That was pretty crazy already. Or maybe it was because she was engaged to one of the most powerful demons in Hell and he was marrying her all because he was bored.

Part 2 HERE

[dontasktheradiodemon]

Toiletries and Territory

Telly @usedhearts notices that Alastor's been gradually stocking Telly’s bathroom with a full stock of Alastor’s own toiletries, Alastor explains that it’s convenient since he’s been spending so much time on Telly’s ship, and Telly accepts this; but it makes him wonder where exactly it is Alastor lives? Telly’s never seen his place.

And, well, you see—Alastor is extremely ashamed of the answer.

Sir Pentious

He'd just been going about his normal morning routine-- brushing his teeth, oiling his hood, etc-- when he happened to glance at the second sink. There, surrounding it, were quite a few more toiletries than Telly remembered being there last.

Curious, he slithered over, picking up a couple to look at. Hair gel and other such products-- these weren't his....Hm.

"Alastor? What's all this?" He called, hoping his partner-in-crime could hear him all the way in the kitchen.

Alastor

“What’s all what?” Alastor jogged in from the kitchen—in his pants but still wearing his undershirt—carrying a saucepan with a floating fire underneath it. He looked around the sink and then asked, puzzled, “My hair stuff?”

Sir Pentious

Telly took a moment to glance at the pan and floating fire-- why hadn't he just left a shade in charge of it while he came over? Nevermind. He shook his head and set down the two products he'd been holding.

"Yes. There's just a lot of it-- where did it all come from? I hadn't noticed it all here before."

Alastor

It’s delicate! Right now the sauce is mostly butter and flour! He’s got to monitor it so it doesn’t burn.

“Oh! Well, I thought—you know, since I’m over so much—” (at this point, nearly every night) “—it would be more convenient if I had some basic toiletries here so I don’t have to leave to get ready.” He nudged Telly lightly. “Like the toothbrush you got me!” He beamed. He’s still as giddy over Telly getting him a toothbrush as if he’d been given a new car. “Does it take too much space? I’ve seen these little waterproof baskets people put their toiletries in to move them around the bathroom, I could get one to keep mine contained.”

Sir Pentious

He grinned too, at Alastor's beaming, and gave him just a little hip nudge back-- he didn't want to ruin the sauce, after all.

"Oh no, my hart, it's fine. I was just curious! This second sink is yours to do with as you wish, and I'm more than happy to have your things around it. Just don't mind if the Eggs organize it from time to time, they _are_ the ones that are in charge of keeping things tidy, after all."

He leaned down to kiss his cheek. And then a thought occurred to him.

"Say, what about your own place? Is having this all being over here going to make it troublesome when you don't sleep here?"

Alastor

*My hart.* His heart fluttered every time he heard that. “That’s fine, as long as they leave everything up top. If they start sticking my things in cabinets I’ll never find them again.”

He shook his head at the question of his own place. “Oh, no, no no, not a problem! If I need some supply I don’t have a duplicate of, I can just reach through to grab it! It’s more or less what I was doing here before I moved my toiletries, anyway.” He got up on the tips of his hooves to peck Telly’s cheek. “I’ve got to get back to the kitchen, I need to toss the stock and wine in.” Off he went!

Sir Pentious

Telly nodded, smiling at the kiss. He touched his cheek after, heart aflutter. So odd how a tiny little thing like that could still send his heart humming like the first time they kissed. He adored it.

He followed after, slithering into his seat at the table to watch Alastor cook. A thought swirled through his mind, abstract as he pondered idly, until it finally coalesced.

"Alastor, love, where do you live? We've spent every night together here, and while I certainly don't mind that, I'm just wondering....Are you just very private about it, like Leclerq is? If so, then, I won't push! But a snake begins to wonder...."

Alastor

He froze in the middle of adjusting the heat on the stove, his blood running cold. “Oh,” he said awkwardly. He forced himself to turn the dial and resume stirring. “It’s—nowhere remarkable, really. Certainly no stupendous flying airship.”

Sir Pentious

"Is it one of the radio towers? I know that Kyxs lives in the one Leclerq gave to him." He idly trailed a pattern with his clawtip on the table.

"You know, I don't mind if it's not fancy or anything. I've been in plenty of....non-fancy places before...."

Alastor

“No! No, I’ve—I’ve never understood the sense of that, a Radio Demon with a radio tower. I *am* a radio tower, why would I need another? It’s—it’s like a seven-foot-tall man in a nine-foot-tall room wearing a pair of stilts. Not that I begrudge my alternates their towers, if it makes them happy then more power to them, but...” A shrug.

Sir Pentious

"I see. Do you stay at the hotel, then?" His head tilted, and he leaned against his hand.

Alastor

“God no! Can you *imagine,* living full time in a *hotel?*” He laughed humorlessly. “I’ll give a pass to guests who have officially signed up for the whole redemption project, silly as it is—but *me?* No! No.”

Sir Pentious

Telly frowned, his brow furrowing. His eyes squinted and he put his elbows on the table, setting his chin on his folded hands.

"An apartment then? Or do you have a house in the Cannibal Colony?"

Alastor

“N... mm.” He was silent for a few seconds as he started up another sauce in a second saucepan. “I’m—between places—at the moment.”

Sir Pentious

"Between--" His face fell slack and he let out a little 'oh'.

"Alastor, do you....not _have_ a place to live?"

Alastor

His shoulders stiffened. He wished he could just lie. Lying to anyone else was easy. “I don’t want you to think I’m out on the street, now! I have...” vague gesture, “... places. Just not a... a primary... you know.”

Sir Pentious

"You have no home." He said it so frankly, and almost immediately regretted the way he phrased it.

"Though, who of us can say we have a home in Hell of all places, yes? It's Hell after all! Ha....hm...." He deflated after his attempted levity, and looked away.

"I'm sorry...."

Alastor

He flinched at the accusation with a noise like a branch snapping; he had to quickly check his sauce pans to make sure the sound was him instead of breakfast.

“I don’t need pity. Don’t think I *can’t*—I mean, I’m the *Radio Demon,* if I *wanted* I could snatch up any property in the ring. But I just—I don’t—I don’t... I don’t see a point in it.”

He snatched up one of the eggs he’d left on the nearby counter and cracked it into a bowl. The egg shell shattered and crumbled into the bowl. Under his breath, he muttered, “I’m going to ruin my hollandaise sauce.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, I wasn't-- I was apologizing for my poor attempt at humor. Not...Not pitying you." He slid from his seat and slithered closer to Alastor, gently putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Why do you see no point in it?" He asked, as he moved next to him, reaching to start gently plucking eggshell from the bowl. It seemed the least he could do to help...

Alastor

He flinched away from the touch, avoiding looking at Telly. “Well—well, you said it, who can say we have a home in Hell.” It was a stupid excuse. Most people had a home in Hell. He gestured across the counter. “I’ll... I’m going to need that tomato sliced. About this thick.” He held his fingertips about half an inch apart. “And then salt, pepper, and Parmesan them. Please.”

Sir Pentious

The instructions momentarily derailed his thoughts, as he tried to make sure to remember how thickly Alastor said to slice the tomatoes. He could do that, right? Surely he could. He got a knife and began to very, very carefully slice them.

"So, do you just....hop from place to place, then? Never found a place you liked enough to stick around?"

Alastor

“More or less,” he said, with a tone that implied it was closer to “less” than “more.”

Sir Pentious

Telly made a small noise, finishing with the tomatoes. He seasoned them as Alastor instructed and set them on a plate for whatever he was using them for.

"...You don't like talking about this, do you?"

Alastor

“Who wants to sound like a homeless bum.” He’d managed to crack a few eggs successfully. Back to the stove. “That’s—that’s not the sort of family I come from, I’ll have you know. *Both* sides of my family. We didn’t rent our homes, we *owned* them. I couldn’t do that in New York, but I was never behind on rent, not once. Even through the Depression, I kept a good job! But here I am in Hell—with more power than any sinner has walked through the gate with—and...”

He trailed off. Then opened the stove, picked up the plate of tomatoes, slid them in, and shut it. “I—It’s never been a priority. That’s all. I’m busy.”

Sir Pentious

"I can understand busy. But usually, I am busy in one spot. Or the spot moves with me. Or I have multiple spots that I can hop around to. I'm just....well, I suppose I'm just curious why, that's all. I just want to understand."

He watched him put the tomatoes into the oven-- hm, interesting. "Is there anything else you want me to help with for breakfast, darling?"

Alastor

Alastor sighed. “It’s never been a priority,” he repeated, shrugging awkwardly.

But he had to do better than that or Telly would just *stay* curious. “When I got down here, it was... you know, it was fun, for a while, not being tied down anywhere. Knowing I could knock on almost any door and they’d let me in for the night. It wasn’t like I had many possessions. *Can’t take it with you* and all that. And I learned pretty quickly how to stow it on another plane and carry it with me...” *Carry it with me,* like he really was just a hobo with all his worldly possessions on his back. A flush crept up his neck. “Anyway—and then I started doing jobs with your alternate, and—well, when you’re going back and forth across the ring, here one day and there the next, hopping between different hotels every night—who has time to put down roots anywhere? Why buy a house you’ll see once every two months? And after that...”

After that? After that?

Another awkward shrug. “I... never had a good reason to.”

Something else for Telly to do. “Could you toast a couple of sliced biscuits?”

Sir Pentious

He nodded, getting the biscuits out. He sliced them and then stuck them in the toaster oven to heat.

"I see." He crossed his arms, leaning back against the counter. "Darling, there's nothing to be ashamed of. It all seems reasonable to me. It does make me sad, but only because I care about you and thinking about you not having a place to call home is, well, saddening. And I'm sorry you never had a reason to stick around anywhere in that sense."

Telly moved closer and leaned down to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "I think that's enough of stressful questions for this morning....let's have breakfast, yes?"

Alastor

A vague nod. Nobody said *there’s nothing to be ashamed of* unless there was. “It’ll be a few more minutes. I’ve got to get the bacon, too.”

Sir Pentious

"Alright, darling." He took the biscuits out of the toaster over and set them aside for him.

Alastor

He was silent the next few minutes as he finished the bacon, then piled everything on the biscuits.

“Eggs Hussarde,” he said, setting a plate in front of Telly with less than his usual proud chef fanfare. “Eggs Benedict with a *marchand de vin* sauce, basically.” He plopped down in front of his own plate.

Sir Pentious

"Oh. It sounds delicious," He said, picking up his fork and knife, taking a bite. He made an appreciative noise. "Thank you, darling."

Alastor

A nod. He took a couple bites to check for taste. He hadn’t ruined the sauce after all.

“... You’ve always lived in your airship down here, haven’t you?”

Sir Pentious

"Here. Other places when here was.....out of commission, or it was too dangerous." Read: When his airship had been completely destroyed.

"I used to have safe houses for times like that but most are in disrepair now."

Alastor

Alastor grimaced. Safe houses. “After my alternate abandoned you?”

Sir Pentious

"I abandoned a number after that, yes. There were ones he didn't know about, I kept those. And stayed in one for a good while, whilst building a new ship from scratch." He sighed a bit and took another bite, swallowing before he continued.

"It was a....rough few years, after he failed me."

Alastor

A nod, staring down at his plate. “... I still stay in them sometimes. The empty ones.”

Sir Pentious

"....Oh." He suddenly wondered how many of his own old safe houses overlapped with those of his alternate. He didn't know if he _truly_ wanted to know or not.

"Over there or over here?"

Alastor

“Over there. My universe. They’re abandoned property; there’s no reason I couldn’t just take over one and call it mine. Clean out the mold and mildew, get the lights back on...” He shrugged. “I haven’t, though. I just watch them crumble.”

Sir Pentious

"I....see." He finished his breakfast-- he wasn't scarfing them down like a starved man anymore, but his eating was still far from slow.

"Was it out of guilt? That he might reclaim them sometime?"

Alastor

“Maybe guilt,” he said, although not convincingly. “I certainly didn’t think he’d reclaim them. I knew where they were, he’d never go back to them.”

Sir Pentious

"....Longing, perhaps, then." He dabbed at his mouth with his napkin before setting it on his plate.

"Well, once I get some of mine fixed up, you're as welcome there as you are here, darling."

Alastor

“Perhaps,” he said, also not convincingly. He picked at his food a moment longer.

“I’m bored easily,” he finally said—convincingly this time, but in a way that suggested maybe “bored” meant something else. “I’ve always got to—go somewhere new, do something new. I think maybe if I’d gone home to the same walls every night for fifty years, I would have blown my brains out on them.”

Sir Pentious

Telly opened his mouth, and then shut it. He slid out of his seat, slithering over to Alastor. He set his hand on his arm, stroking his thumb there.

He didn't know what to say to that, so he did what he could: try to show he cared and understood, at least a little.

Alastor

He didn’t meet Telly’s gaze, but he put his hand over Telly’s. “Maybe that’s it.” A shrug. “... Sorry for spoiling breakfast.”

Sir Pentious

"You didn't spoil anything." He pressed his forehead to the side of Alastor's head, and sighed softly. "I'm glad we can have these kinds of talks. Even if it....hurts to talk about. I'm glad that we can do it."

Alastor

“Mmh.” Alastor shut his eyes and leaned into the touch. “I... don’t usually think about it this much.”

Sir Pentious

"Sometimes, one needs to think about these things. Not all the time, certainly, but every now and then." He pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Were you going to finish eating, or did you lose your appetite? Do you want me to make you some coffee?"

Alastor

Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand and gave him a wan smile. “Thank you.”

He glanced at his food. That was *his* food. He picked up his fork again. “If you wouldn’t mind starting the coffee.”

Sir Pentious

He smiled back, giving him another cheek kiss. "Of course. Did you want to try one of the new ones I picked up, or did you want your super duper caffeine one?"

Alastor

“New ones?” You have his attention, sir.

Sir Pentious

"Yes! I've got...." Hold on he needed to get them from the cupboard. There's three brand new bags.

"One with hints of cocoa and cedar with a smooth finish, one that's a sumatra blend that's said to be earthy and herbal with hints of licorice, and then one that's a blend with french vanilla flavor!"

Alastor

“Ooh, the earthy one.” He scarfed down one biscuit half and got up to retrieve his French press. (Yet another thing he was now keeping at Telly’s place.)

Sir Pentious

"Earthy it is!" He left that one on the counter and put the other two back up. And then got down a coffee bean grinder.

"They're whole bean-- I find that fresh ground coffee expresses the flavor better." No, he hasn't be researching this, what gives you that idea.

Alastor

Look at his smile. Just look at it. It’s so much smile. “You know, I find the same thing.”

Sir Pentious

Telly beamed right back at him, and started grinding the coffee. "I still don't like the amount of caffeine in it, but the flavors have been growing on me."

He passed the ground coffee over to Alastor.

Alastor

Hold on. Hold on a second, he’s gotta hold Telly. Just give him like, fifteen seconds of hugging.

Sir Pentious

Oh, alright, they're hugging now. He purred, his arms wrapping around Alastor. This is good, this is nice, he likes this.

Alastor

Okay. He’s got his dose of hugging. For now. He can let go.

He took the ground coffee over to his French press. “Do you know what I thought to myself when you got me this thing?” He tapped a nail on the side.

Sir Pentious

"No, what did you think?" He smiled, feeling warm from all that hugging. He did very much like hugging Alastor.

Alastor

He loaded the press with the coffee and then (magically instantly boiling) tap water. “I thought, ‘good God, what a gift! And he hardly knows me! Why, the only reason he’s lavishing me in gifts is because I’m nice to him. But in a couple months he’s going to figure out just how much I really like him, and then he’s never going to speak to me again.’” He gave Telly a wry smile.

Sir Pentious

Telly laughed, smiling back.

"Do you know what I was thinking when I gave that to you?" He slid closer, reaching to stroke his knuckles down Alastor's cheek.

"I was thinking how nice it was talking with you, and that maybe, if I gave you gifts, you'd stick around." He gave a soft laugh. "Little did I know that I hardly have to ply you with gifts to get you to keep coming back."

He leaned down to kiss him. "Must say it was one of the best decisions of my death."

Alastor

Alastor burst out laughing, just in time to be caught in a kiss. “All that coffee you got! If you’d known, you could have saved a fortune!” He slung his arms around Telly again. “I’m glad you didn’t. I like my press.”

Sir Pentious

"Indeed I could have. But here we are, with my first present to you now serving to make you coffee after spending the latest of many nights with your snake. I wouldn't have it any other way." He purred, pulling him close. He wanted to hold him now.

Alastor

“*Second* gift.” Without letting go of Telly, he summoned his clockwork zebra into one hand, and lifted it up to hold it over Telly’s shoulder. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, either.”

Sir Pentious

"Oh, yes. I forgot whether I gave that to you before or after the press." He smiled fondly, reaching to take the zebra. He set it on the counter, before winding it up to let it paw at the ground and snort.

"I should make you another of these...."

Alastor

“The zebra was for Christmas and the press was for my death day.” He watched the zebra pawing, cheek pressed to Telly’s chest. “Can I ask for a snake this time?”

Sir Pentious

Telly chuckled and stroked a hand over Alastor's hair. "Yes, I think that would be more than fine."

He hissed a laugh.

Alastor

He shut his eyes, focusing on the hand on his hair. “Thank you. Again.”

Sir Pentious

"Of course. Anything for you." He said it so softly, so tenderly, before leaning down to kiss Alastor's temple.

Alastor

God, it felt so good. He could almost cry. “And for you. All of Hell and Heaven.”

Sir Pentious

"It's a deal." He grinned and tucked his hand under Alastor's chin. Telly tilted it up and kissed him, deep and slow.

Alastor

Alastor pressed into the kiss. It was a deal, then.

This was the closest he’d felt to being home in a long time.

[hanasaku-shijin]

Hell Hath No Fury

Series: Hazbin Hotel

Characters: Charlie & Vaggie

Words: 2,040

Genres: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

A/N: Just a little something for after the pilot episode. God knows how long it'll be until we see more of this series, so just have this for now.

[Disclaimer: I do not own Hazbin Hotel.]

||  PATREON  ||  KO-FI  || COMMISSION INFO  ||

---------

Hell Hath No Fury

After all is said and done in terms of 'hiring the new staff' of their hotel that evening, Vaggie can't convince Charlie to break away from the sketchy-as-fuck demons quickly enough.

Charlie spends a good amount of time zipping around the place, asking everyone if they're 'okay' in their new surroundings, asking if there's anything they 'need,' and then quite literally singing the praises of all the amazing and incredible work they're going to accomplish together.

Vaggie stays back, arms crossed and eyes narrowed, muttering all the while. She keeps an eye on the lot of them, especially Alastor. For now, he doesn't seem to be doing anything more dangerous than making random demons appear for cleaning staff. But she still doesn't trust him, and she probably never will.

With Charlie bursting with so much energy and excitement, it takes Vaggie a good hour or so to finally grab ahold of her and remind her of the long day they've had; from the failure of the news interview to the present moment, it's been a lot.

She eventually coaxes her away from the so-called 'staff' and up to their room, reasoning with her that the literal Princess of Hell and head honcho around here needs to be well-rested and ready for anything. Charlie follows her, but not after waving exuberantly goodnight to all the others. She's humming and buzzing all the way up to their door, a dire contrast to Vaggie's silent, churning distrust.

Vaggie fishes out her room key and rattles the door open before stomping her way in, muttering nonstop. Their room is, of course, one of the best the somewhat-run-down hotel has to offer, with all the necessary furniture, a bathroom, and a sizable bed.

Vaggie crosses the room to the window, hoping some fresh air might help clear her bustling mind. But as soon as she jerks it open, a cloud of smog and cigarette smoke wafts in from who-knows-where and makes her gag. She slams the window shut again before storming over to her dresser, tearing off her clothes in exchange for her black-and-purple nightgown.

All the while, Charlie watches her. She's fallen silent now, her smile faded. She'd changed into her own pink nightgown quietly, leaving the dress shirt, pants, and overalls for tomorrow's laundry. Now, she sits on her side of the bed, knees pulled up to her chest and face half-buried in them as she watches her girlfriend hiss and curse.

Vaggie has been so consumed by her frustrations all evening long she hasn't calmed down for much longer than a second at a time. Her blood is boiling and her skin is crawling. Even now as she sits in front of the vanity, she yanks the brush through her hair and rips the pink ribbon out from the force of her motions, then angrily puts it back in and continues brushing.

She just doesn't like this. She'd barely liked the idea of rehabilitating Angel, but she really doesn't like having Alastor and all his creepy little henchmen scuttling around under their noses. She doesn't trust him one bit.

And what frustrates her even more is that she knows she wouldn't stand a chance against him if it ever came to an altercation. She'd seen his power with her own eyes tonight, how he'd summoned a massive demon out of literally nowhere.

She hates this. She hates that she knows she wouldn't be able to protect Charlie if push came to shove. All she wants is to keep her safe, and yet they'd just let one of the most dangerous and powerful demons in all of Hell into their front door. There's no way they can work with him, no way that he's actually on their side, no way they can-

"Vaggie…?"

The voice comes from behind her, small and timid. Vaggie pauses in her violent hair-brushing to actually look at her reflection in the mirror - fuming and ruffled like a madwoman. Behind her, huddled up on the bed, is a small pink bundle.

Vaggie drops her brush and whirls around instantly to face her. Charlie peeks up at her a little nervously.

"Are you… Are you still mad at me…?"

Vaggie honestly wishes she could wring her own neck right then and there. Because all this time, she's been cursing and slamming things around because she'd been worried about Charlie.

And yet, she's been the one worrying her the most.

Just like that - like someone had snapped their fingers and broken a curse - every drop of anger and frustration drains from Vaggie's body and mind when she sees Charlie looking so small and fretful.

The princess blinks, then looks away nervously.

"I-I mean, it's okay. I get it if you're still mad… You did specifically tell me not to let him in and I… did just that…"

Vaggie finally snaps herself out of her trance and makes her way over to the bed, crawling on slowly.

"Hey," she murmurs, much more gently than anything else she's said today. She reaches out to touch Charlie's shoulder softly, her tone quiet with apology. "I'm not mad at you, Charlie. I never was."

Charlie looks up at her a little hopefully, but also a little skeptically.

"Really? Cuz you seem kind of… pissed off…"

Vaggie wishes she could punch herself in the face.

"Gaah- I know, I know! But I'm not mad at you, Charlie! I swear! Cross my heart and hope to- Well, you know."

Charlie flashes her a cute little smile for the attempted joke. Vaggie smiles back. The only times she ever actually does smile are the times she's with her.

Charlie bites her lip, glancing first to the hand on her shoulder, then back up to Vaggie.

"So… you're really not mad at me…?"

Vaggie shakes her head in earnest.

"Of course not. I'm sorry if it seemed that way."

Charlie breathes a tiny sigh of relief, but she still has that nervous look wavering in her eyes.

"But you are unhappy with some of the decisions I've made, right?"

"Charlie…" Vaggie can't take it anymore. Seeing her like this is breaking her heart. She wraps her arms around her, resting her chin on top of her head. "You made whatever decisions you felt were right. You followed your instincts and your heart. You did what you felt was best for this hotel - for your dream. I could never be mad at you. Especially not for anything like that."

Charlie exhales, and it feels a little shaky. She looks up at her again, but the nervousness is gone now.

"Thanks, Vaggie."

Charlie reciprocates the embrace, wrapping both arms around her slowly and giving a good squeeze. Vaggie returns it with equal force. She lets her nails card through Charlie's hair, from the softer smoother side to the wavier side and all down her back. Charlie exhales again, nuzzling her face into Vaggie's shoulder.

"What a relief. I-I don't know what I'd do without you on my side, Vaggie. You're all I've got in the end…"

"Hey…" Vaggie eases her back a little, making sure Charlie is looking at her. "I am always on your side, you got that? No matter what. Even if Hell freezes over because of it, I don't give a crap. I'm standing with you, Charlie. Till the end, and whatever comes after that. And that's a promise." She dips down to kiss Charlie's lips sweetly. She feels her smile, feels that cute little poke of her fangs as she kisses back.

"Thanks, Vaggie." Charlie wipes her eyes that had nearly started to water. Her naturally-rosy cheeks seem a little puffier, as if she'd been crying when Vaggie couldn't see her. But she seems much better now with the misunderstanding cleared up. However, she still has questions. "So then, if you weren't mad at me, what's the matter? You've been huffy all night. No offense."

"None taken," Vaggie sighs. "You're right. I'm just… I don't know. I don't trust those guys, and I don't know what to do about it, that's all. I'm sorry it came off the wrong way, though. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"I know you didn't." Charlie wiggles up close to her again, maintaining their loose embrace as they lean back against the pillows. "But don't worry about those guys. I'll keep an eye on them, and if anything goes wrong, I'll… I'll use my authority as Princess of Hell to ban them from the hotel! I'll give them a restraining order! Sound good?"

Vaggie can't help but burst out laughing. Leave it to this girl to think a restraining order would be able to stop some of the most powerful demons in Hell from bothering them. It's comical, but it's so, so Charlie. Vaggie hugs her again.

"I love you, y'know that?"

Charlie giggles.

"I know." She reaches up to cup Vaggie's face in her hands and kisses her again. "I'm glad you're smiling again. It's been kind of a crazy day, and I know I caused you a lot of stress. Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You're just working toward making your dream come true, and I agreed I'd be in it for the long haul. Sorry I made you think I was mad at you."

"It's okay!" Charlie beams. "You just wanna protect me. I know that. I really can look out for myself, but… it's really nice to know you're looking out for me too. It feels… kinda nice knowing you'd get so mad for my sake."

Vaggie chuckles. "Well, you know what they say; 'Hell hath no fury like a woman whose girlfriend is working with some of the most annoying and dangerous demons to ever exist in order to run a soul-rehabilitation hotel.'"

Charlie bursts out laughing; light, childish, bubbly little giggles that would put any heavenly angel to shame.

Vaggie's heart throbs. In all the disgusting, vial, murderously-grotesque layers of shit piled on top of all nine circles of Hell, Charlie's heartfelt hope and purity really don't belong. She may have been born to the King and Queen of Hell themselves, but she was definitely an angel.

In all this violence and chaos and darkness, Charlie is the flicker of a single tiny light. In spite of everything she's been through, everything she's seen, her heart is still pure. She still believes in people - these people - which is something Vaggie pretty much stopped doing a long time ago. She doesn't believe in anyone else anymore. Only Charlie.

Pulling her princess into another firm hug, Vaggie lies them both down and pulls the blankets up. Charlie turns toward her fully, her slim form fitting perfectly against Vaggie's. She wraps her arms around Vaggie's torso and nestles her face into her neck, cuddling up like some cute puppy.

Vaggie hugs her shoulders, still petting idly through her soft fluffy hair. She can feel the flutter of Charlie's heartbeat against her chest, quick but steady, eager to make her dreams a reality. Vaggie swears she'll do whatever it takes to help her achieve that goal, even if it might mean overthrowing Hell itself.

It really might come to that one day, but before her mind can wander too much, Charlie's soft angelic voice brings her back to the present again.

"Goodnight, Vaggie. Thank you for everything. I mean it."

Vaggie might have the burning strength of a million demons when she's really furious, but all it takes is one word from Charlie to have her melting.

"Night, Charlie. I love you."

"Love you."

And it's only here - in this dusty little room in the hazbin hotel for violent addicts, insane murderers, and bloodthirsty demons - where Vaggie and Charlie can truly feel safest in each other's arms; where all the raging fires of Hell combined couldn't possibly be warmer than this.

--------

A/N: They’re literally the perfect dynamic right off the bat. Charlie is her angel, her light, her healing (or at least I think so). I’m a total sucker for the angry explosive person just melting and being soft for the optimistic pure-hearted wholesome character.

Gosh, the possibilities for this show and these two are endless. So many good and bad things could happen to them, and I honestly can't wait to see how it all goes.

[ehhdgarbones]

These Troubled Times | E & X

@theyrexeno

Normally hyper aware of his surroundings, as to observe and take in as much as possible, Edgar couldn’t manage that level of focus. His mind was a tempest of rage and fear, of horror and hate. It felt as if his heart hadn’t stopped hammering against his sternum since he’d received the Daily Prophet that morning. 

With Alastor’s visit to the Three Broomsticks, there wasn’t surprise in the front page article that had passed over the breakfast table in company of his morning coffee. In its place was disgust and outrage, mingled with a tinge of dismay. If they could do something like this to one of their own...

His family hadn’t ever been that close with the Travers. Like many other pure blooded families, he was aware of most of them in name at the very least. All he knew was what the Order had known: that they were Death Eaters, or at least suspected to be. Now he couldn’t help but wonder if they wished they’d chosen a different path if it would’ve spared their daughter’s life.

Gaze downcast on the stonework path underfoot, Edgar was lost to the storm of his thoughts as he carved a worn path through Diagon Alley. It was all he could do to keep from kicking down doors to the homes of other suspected Death Eaters and demanding to know what they knew. It was only Alastor’s word that kept him leashed, and Amelia’s worry that kept his temper mostly in check. But he’d need a distraction if he was going to be kept from doing something especially dim-witted. 

Lifting his attention from the ground to the surrounding buildings, Edgar realized that he’d walked too far and had to backtrack a few blocks before he found the right building. He threw open the door that led to a flight of stairs and climbed to the flight on which Xenophilius’s flat was located on. A rap on the door went unanswered and, worry jumping into his throat, he tested the knob. 

The door opened to reveal an empty apartment, vacant of his friend but filled with odd knick-knacks and what not’s that they collected on their meanderings. “Xen?” Edgar shouted into the apartment. His heart rate was picking up, dread making him anxious. He swallowed it down. Xeno had a tendency to wander. It didn’t mean anything had happened to them. He’d check the roof before he started to worry.

First stopping by the kitchen to retrieve two cups from the cupboard, Edgar left the flat and started up the stairs again. He found his way onto the roof and immediately let loose a relieved breath at the sight of long, blonde hair swaying in the wind. Edgar approached silently from behind. A kiss was placed to the top of Xeno’s head before he lowered himself beside them. 

“Thought I’d find you up here,” muttered Edgar as he set down the two cups between them, then started to work the cork loose from the bottle of cheap wine he’d brought with him. “Drink with me? I brought your favorite.” He poured a generous amount into both cups before setting the bottle aside again. One of the cups was lifted and offered to the witch. 

Edgar didn’t force a smile, or anything at all. Right that moment he wanted nothing more than to absorb Xeno’s innate ability to shut out the whole rest of the world and all its complications, all its tragedies and conflict. He wanted to share a drink with a friend.