#And I also thought at the start how I always thought I protected Tommy's character

[princessofmarvel]

Business and dates

summary | when grace leaves, it leaves the shelbys with a heartbroken thomas. polly takes this as an opportunity to get him with the girl she's always wanted him with

pairing | thomas shelby x fem!reader

word count | 2.30k

genre | fluff! with just a tad of angst! 

requested? | yes! thank you so much for your request! i had so much writing it, and i am kind of proud of this one, lol.

warnings! | mentions of bullying, and the reader not eating from being worried! and, i have not proof read this yet!

author’s note! | Hi! Thank you all for being so patient as I worked on this! Requests are open for drabbles, and headcanons only at the moment for these characters! And as always, I do I have really bad OCD that causes me to write in some random capitalization, and punctuation, But I think that we don't have to worry about that in this fic lol. And let me know if there are any mistakes, but please be kind!

No one knew what had happened that day. All anyone knew was that Grace was suddenly gone, and that she had left the Shelby family with a heartbroken Thomas. And the person left to pick up the pieces was his lifelong best friend, who has been in love with Thomas since the day they met back when they were just small kids. 

Thomas was having a decent day, school had just let out and he was walking back home (alone because his older brother Aurther thought that it would be funny to run off before Thomas got out of class) when he saw a young girl getting picked on. 

“Stop it! This is my favorite skirt!” Thomas heard her yell to the kids that had her on the ground, kicking dirt onto her clothes while laughing and taunting her. Thomas knew that these kids were practically afraid of him, so he knew he could get them to leave the girl alone.  He also knew that his mother would scold him if she found out that he didn’t do anything to help her. 

“Oi! Leave her alone, or I'll put a curse on you!” Thomas called out as he made his way up to the group, and pulled a razor blade out of his pocket. The kids practically scattered the moment they heard Thomas’ voice. Leaving just him, and the girl with dirt on her clothes. 

“Thank you” He heard the girl say in a quiet voice as he put his hand out to help her back up. 

“What caused that?” He asked, curious as to what the girl could have done to anger the other kids so much. 

“I-I told them that I wouldn’t do their homework.” She said back to him, as she tried to get the dirt off of her skirt.  Thomas told himself that he should have known it was something like that. There wasn’t anything serious that this girl could have done to upset them so much. 

“Come on, I’ll walk you home, you live on Watery lane, right?” He said as he started walking, with the girl running a bit to catch up with him. He knew her name, he recognized her from school. She lived right across from him, but they never said anything to each other. She had been over to play with Ada sometimes, but they never spoke. 

Neither one of them said anything as they walked, it wasn’t until they got to her home that Thomas spoke up. 

“They shouldn’t bother you again, no one should.” He said as he stood outside her doorstep, seeming almost sorry since he knew his reputation, and how kids would stay away from him in fear of getting cursed. 

“It’s alright, I don’t really have any friends anyways.” The small girl said, while rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“Why don’t you come play at my house? I know my family won’t mind.” He said to her with a small smile. Truth be told, Thomas didn’t really have many friends either, and he saw an opportunity to make one. 

Ever since then, the two were inseparable. They did everything together, they were even each other's first kiss. Her family was weary at first, but soon saw how protective the Shelby boys (and the rest of the Shelby family) were over her, and grew to like them. The two were like this up until Thomas was called to war

“Tommy, this has to be a mistake.” The girl cried into Thomas’ shoulder as he held her. “All three of you at the same time? What kind of cruel joke is this” 

“The universe has a funny way of doing things.” He mumbled into her hair, his hand resting on the back of her head. “I’ll come back, sweetheart.” 

“You don’t know that, Tommy” The girl said as she pulled her head out of his shoulder, and looked up at him, eyes red and puffy. 

“You really think I'm leaving you yet? You think I'm going to leave you before you get married? Please, your future husband doesn’t get off that easily.” He said with a small laugh while trying to lighten the mood as he held her face with his hand. “Nothings taking me from you, not yet.” 

“You better come back, Shelby.” She said as she looked up at him with glossy eyes. “Or, I’ll bring you back just to kill you myself.” 

Thomas laughed and kissed her head, as the air in the room changed. He didn’t know why, but he leaned down and kissed her lips softly, all he knew was that he couldn’t leave without giving her a kiss, even just a light one. “You’ve got nothing to worry about” He said as he pulled away. 

She believed him, she tried not to worry. She didn’t worry until his letters stopped coming. After a month of not hearing from him she worried so much she got sick. She wrote him everyday, sent him a letter at least once a week, if not twice. No word of his death ever came. 

The day Thomas arrived home, she was sitting at the kitchen table with Polly. His heart broke when he saw her, she was paler, and her face was skinny, all signs to her not eating properly. Neither one of them said a word to each other for a week. It wasn’t until (Y/n) decided that she had enough, and stormed into his room. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” she shouted, growing red in the face. 

“What are you talking about?” He asked, not meeting her eyes, already knowing what she was talking about,

“You! You come back, and are completely different! You’re cold, and mean to everyone, which maybe you were that way to some people before, but never to me! Never to your family!” As she yelled at him, she started to sway as if she was about to faint. Before she could hit the floor, Thomas grabbed her and set her down on the bed beside him. 

“You need to eat something.” He mumbled, not looking at her which infuriated her more. 

“I thought you were dead.” This caught his attention as he heard her start to cry. He finally turned to her. “You stopped writing.” 

“I didn’t know how to write to you, you would ask me how I was, and I couldn’t find it in myself to tell you about how I had just watched a man die. I thought it better to not write.” He said, pulling her into his chest. “Why are you not eating?” 

“You worried me, anything I ate just came back up.” She mumbled into his chest. 

“I told you not to worry.” He said with a small laugh coming from his chest, the first in a long time. 

“Tough shit, Shelby.” She mumbled back, while pulling her head out of his chest. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just staring at the other, until Thomas finally spoke up. “I’m trying to get back to normal.” He mumbled, barely loud enough for her to hear, she wouldn’t have if they hadn’t been so close. 

“I know, it will just take some time.” She said while she caressed his cheek. “And, I’ll be here to help you heal.” 

After that day, nothing ever really went back to how it was before the war. But it was like that for everyone. Thomas had gone back to normal as much as he could. He had his moments, but everyone did. And, (Y/n) didn’t lie, she was there every step of the way, even in the bad times she never left. 

The two never fought again until the day Grace left. She had tried telling Thomas before that something was up with her, but he just wouldn’t listen. The only other person that seemed to notice it was Polly. 

“He’ll never go for it.” John pipped into the conversation. Polly was currently trying to figure out a way to cheer Thomas up, and the idea she had was to put Thomas with (Y/n). She already considered the girl a daughter, and she always wanted her with Thomas. To her, it was the perfect plan. 

“That's why we don’t tell him! All we tell him is that he has a business meeting at the new restaurant, he’ll show up, expecting some business man to be there, but instead (Y/n) will come in wearing the most beautiful thing I can find, that he’ll just have to stay.” Polly explained to the boys and Ada. 

“Alright, but how are you going to get (Y/n) there, dressed up, without suspecting anything?” Ada chimed in. 

“We’ll tell her a boy stopped by and asked to take her out.” Polly said, as if it was obvious. 

“Please, she’s not going to just agree to go out with someone, especially if she doesn’t even know who it is.” Arthur muttered. 

"Actually she might.” John announced to everyone. “Just to make Thomas jealous, she mentioned it back when Grace was around.” 

The Shelby’s set everything into motion that night. Polly told Thomas he had a meeting, then she told (Y/n) about the secret man that wanted to take her out. 

So Thomas sat in his suit, waiting for this man to show, when he saw (Y/n) walk through the door, dressed like a vision in her red, drop waist, beaded dress, with an old pearl necklace to match. She looked around the room, until her eyes landed on Thomas. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked him, as she walked up to his table.

“Business meeting, what are you doing here?” He asked, suddenly growing jealous at the thought of her being here for another man. 

“A date, and what business meeting? I know your schedule, there wasn’t one planned, did you make one?” She asked, wondering who on earth Thomas could be meeting for business at this hour. 

“No, Polly told me I had one, who’s the date?” He asked, his jealousy rising. 

“Not sure, Polly told me-” A look of realization crossed both their faces “Polly” The two said in unison. 

She decided to sit down, now laughing to herself. “You’re the date.”

“You’re the business.” Thomas responded, a small smile growing to his face. 

The two sat there for a minute, before Thomas spoke up. “You do look stunning.” 

“Polly picked it.” She said, with a small laugh.

“I bet she did.” Thomas said with a laugh, and a sigh. “She’s wanted us together for ages.” He mumbled. 

“And what do you want?” The girl asked. Thomas had always had a feeling that (Y/n) liked him, he was just never sure how much, until he looked up and met her eyes that were filled with nothing but love and want.

“You in my life.” He said, keeping his eyes on her. “I thought a relationship between us would mess everything up. I couldn’t risk losing you.” 

“Thomas.” The girl said, grabbing his hand across the table. “You could never lose me, even if we did have a relationship and it failed, I would still love you. But, I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this.” 

“I have distracted myself from you for as long as I can remember. I wouldn’t let myself fall for you.” Thomas said, standing up from the table, (Y/n) following. 

“It’s okay to fall, Thomas, who knows, maybe it won’t hurt.” She said, as she placed a hand to his face. Without thinking, Thomas leaned in and kissed her with everything in him, causing her to hit the table, his hands on the side of her face being the only thing to keep them from falling. The pair kissed until they needed air. When they pulled away, he rested his forehead on hers. 

“Let’s give this a try.” He whispered, looking into her eyes. 

The girl smiled and gave Thomas a quick peck, before they left the restaurant, her holding his arm. The walk back to the Shelby home was mostly quiet, until she spoke up. “Thank god for Polly.” 

[mourninglamby]

i would pay insane money to hear about your thoughts on ctommy girlism because it’s actually such an important part of his character analysis to me

I’ve been wanting to make a patreon for stuff like this + art I don’t wanna post, so I’ve decided to go this route with the essay I will likely end up with based on this thesis. But I’ll use this post to summarize some thoughts im VERY confident about (and could be a sneak peek into what else the paper will entail)

C!tommy is fem-coded based off of fandom interpretation and reception, textual evidence, and meta analysis (will get more into meta in the big doc).

To start, a lot of this coding has to do with how he is victimized and why, which mainly concerns him craving approval from these older men (c!wilbur, c!dream, and even c!techno,) that he views as role models. Power imbalances are something that can also affect boys, yes, but this is where the coding comes in to set them apart. PLEASE REMEMBER Coding is used to identify traits that align with minority experiences, both good and bad. That does not mean c!tommy is LITERALLY a girl. It is a tool utilized in rhetorical analysis.

In this case, the constant subjugation of c!tommy by the men he yearns to trust, and subsequent self blame and denial when they hurt him fit into an experience closely associated with misogyny, and to go even further into the meta, a misogynistic view of feminine victimhood. The way c!tommy’s trauma interrupts his psychological and emotional development is received by thousands of fans who still deny his abuse even happened as “annoying”, “mean”, and “just as bad” as his perpetrator(s). This is observed from the existence of c!dream apologists and sympathizers, and to a more complicated extent, c!wilbur apologists. But I digress.

C!tommy is coded as feminine because in the majority of media centering victims of this kind of abuse, the character is a woman, and a woman can and will always be blamed for what happened to her. In the case of DSMP, this blame comes from the man who is protected by the spoils of his privilege as an oppressor, status in his community, and the many other people (predominantly young women) he has managed to manipulate to be in opposition to his victim. Fiction affecting real life and all…. Which is why I think this evidence of coding is so important.

To add another disclaimer for the bad faith warriors, being a victim does NOT make a character femme coded, however, the way he is treated in canon and the way the fanbase reacts to how he grapples with the lasting trauma is certainly rooted in misogynistic talking points.

Looking forward to writing more ^__^ thank u for being so interested anony. I’ve welcomed some friends who I trust very much to help me write it and I’m very excited.

addendum: there is no right or wrong way to interpret ctommy or dsmp or the response to how he was depicted... i only wish to start a conversation and get my thoughts out. if u disagree that is ur prerogative and i respect it <3

[socheckitout-mikey]

heeey these weren't requested, i just thought i'd do a little bit of writing for john, one of my fav pb characters! i'm also new to writing for pb, but i've been a fan for a long time now. i hope you like what i came up with. lemme know what you think. - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

disclaimer: THERE ARE 18+ PARTS IN THIS PIECE SO MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI!!!! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!!!!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Dating John Shelby Hc's:

° John is one charming man. He's cocky as hell and comes into your life like a flirtatious whirlwind. He blunders straight to your heart upon the hearty spirits in glasses and the promises of a good life with him. He surely did not disappoint… in areas where danger doesn't lurk.

° He's wild and reckless with his temper, yet you even him out when he goes too far (even if you're also wild). Where you enjoy having fun with him and stirring up some trouble, you also value the freedom of neither of you being incarcerated. You're his rock and with one look he lays off, - when you're not looking of course -. However he hates the idea of disappointing you.

° His family business is a daunting enterprise to get behind. Whether you were there from the start or further down the line, it seems it has always stirred up rumours and turmoil - only getting worse as the years tick by. You fear for your family's lives regularly, but he promises to always keep you safe (even if he doesn't make it). And he has done a tremendous job of it so far, so why doubt him now? You make do with it and John wants you having no part of it, but sometimes you are needed - though Tommy and Polly both agree to keep it minimal.

° Embracing this part of his life, along with his mad family is certainly not easy, but you have managed it in the only way you know how.

° John is so protective over you that it at times makes you laugh. He doesn't particularly share fondness with the fact that you laugh at him, but it gets him grinning in the end.

"What are you laughin' at, eh?" John hums against your lips just as he's pulled you into his lap on a night out at The Garrison.

"You. Who else?" You murmur with a smile against his lips and a slick eyebrow cocked.

"Arthur. He's the one who fell on his arse earlier." He makes do of reminding you.

"That he did," you nod, fiddling with the collar of his tailored suit, "but you're the sorry git who's worrying about your wife walking your children home on her own."

"Sorry git?" John seems to partly take offence to it, you see it in the way his eyebrows pinch together. "Well excuse my arse for worryin' about you. I thought spouses loved that sentimental sort of shite?" He's somewhat playful, but his tone is deepening.

"Now that's the biggest word I've ever heard come out of your mouth!" You giggle, your eyes dancing with mischief.

John isn't pleased one bit. His palm strikes your ass once as a warning, "I know plenty of big words, dove. I can use 'em on you if you'd like."

"Is that a threat or a promise? And here I thought you were a gentleman." You giggle, leaning in to steal a kiss from him.

"A gentleman. What are you on?" He snorts before letting you steal that kiss from him. It's a bit too seductive for it being in front of others, but John doesn't care. However, as soon as its started, it's over and he's gathered you to your feet with a twirl under his arm. "Right, kids let's go home!" He bellows.

You're forced to roll your eyes in retaliation, "Oh for goodness-sake John! We're in Small Heath, nothing is going to happen to me and the children!"

"You're gettin' mouthier by the second, love." He stares down at you.

"Am I? I hardly noticed." You say innocently, grabbing your eldest daughters small hand in yours. When John doesn't answer you, you continue with, "Are you going to use those big words on me to keep me in line?"

His hot breath fans against your ear as he speaks lowly, "Hmmm, I'm more of an action man. " It's low and laced in seduction.

Your eyes grow dark as you stare up at him, "Should I be fearing for my life Mr. Shelby?"

"You will once I 'ave you all to myself."

° All admirers of you are to be warned because John Shelby doesn't share! He's a jealous man and rather possessive - even a simple look from someone else can be totally misread, especially if he's in a bad mood. John will cut them fresh smiles with his razor blade and give them something truly worth crying about. Nobody touches or tries to get in about with his partner.

° He likes to make a show out of it, to let them know exactly how crazy you are about him. He wants your attention on him, revelling in the notion when they walk in on you both getting busy somewhere risqué. He's got that devilish grin etched into his features as they rush off all flustered. You're just as red as they are, the moment almost ruined, but he dives make in for more with his soft pink lips whispering against the shell of your ear, "I'm not through with you yet, dove."

° John certainly has a dirty mouth and he knows how to use it. He likes to either embarrass or seduce you with it. It depends on the day, but more often than not it's the latter.

° John is softer with you and let's more of his sensitive qualities come to the surface in private. He has a lot of heart behind the funny, charming and cocky man with a lack of filter. Most people see it in the way he interacts with your children. The beast lays down its razor blade for some time to be engulfed in innocence as he plays.

° Other opportunities for his softer moments to come forward are during times where he thinks others aren't looking. It can just be a fleeting moment where he tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear or presses a tender kiss on your forehead. Whatever it is, he adores showering you in his affections and to spoil you rotten. That dopey grin etches onto his handsome features, which never fails to make you swoon, as he tells you another dirty joke.

° He knows it'll get him a well deserved smack to the chest or a clip round the ear if someone else hears it, but you're laughing nonetheless.

° That laughter and smile of yours are truly like drugs to him. He wants to be the only one who ever invokes such happiness from you and feels immense pride when he's the source of it.

° Seeing you tend to the kids makes his stomach flutter with butterflies. He's won the jackpot and he can't be any happier because his children from Martha love you just as much as the children that are of your own blood. He makes sure to show you his gratitude.

° Family holidays to Blackpool or the seaside are a must! Riding donkeys on the shoreline and investigating all sorts of fun things bring so much joy to your hearts. Wherever the destination, it always turns out to be so much fun.

° You get along with his family. They quite literally adore you and think you're the perfect match for the likes of John. Arthur loves you the most since he's the closest to John. It's very comforting to know that there's always someone there in your corner when John isn't around.

° You know fine well that Arthur is gentle around you. He does his best to mind his language and when John cannot take you home, Arthur will. He gives you his arm and takes your safety very seriously. He is always complimenting you. You know that deep down, this is truly who Arthur is and are one of the few who nurtures his gentler domineer with kindness.

° When you're worried about John, Arthur always comforts you to the best of his gruff abilities. Often wrapping his arm around your shoulders and giving you a much too hard tight squeeze.

"Don't you worry, love. If I know Johnny-boy, he'd fight right out of Hell to get home to you safe and sound. I promise you that, because I'll be fighting him outta there for ya! Now, where's that pretty smile of yours?" He'd wink.

Good old Arthur.

° Polly and Ada love to go out on the town with you! A bit of fellow girl time is what you need after all. Especially with all of your children wanting your attention constantly. Polly and Ada know how to make you feel confident, taking you to lovely boutiques in town to get new dresses fit for the next special occasion, you name it! Nothing is better than sitting around the fire at the end of the day with your girls, drinking glasses of ice cold brandy whilst filling each other in with the latest gossip!

° Fights with John are often and they can be very passionate on both ends. Screaming matches and foul tempers to match, it usually ends up in two ways: In each other's arms, entangled in bed sheets or with John storming off. You hate the latter with a passion as you feel entrapped to the house and with the children, all whilst John is free to do as he pleases - usually going on a three day bender.

° Yet when he returns home with a killer hangover, under his grouchy domineer is remorse. You can see it from the corner of your eyes rolling off of him in powerful waves when you won't so much as glance at him or speak with him. Even his charm will not undo the hurt he has created. But it's his gruff softness as he engulfs you in his arm from behind. You may fight him, but when he says his signature, "Come off it, dove! No more fighting... I've missed you,"

° That- that is when you wave your white flag and allow him to shower you in all of the love he can muster. It goes beyond what he can ever communicate through his words. He's all about actions in these moments.

° The banter between you two would make outsiders believe you hated one another. But the entire family knows that the playful insults you sling at each other are just that - playful. You're always messing with one another - even when the other gets offended.

"Awe, how charming! I managed to slay one of the Shelby puppies!" You coo at him mockingly.

"Shelby puppies- I'll 'ave you know that with a face like yours, I'm surprised I even married you." He slings back at you.

Now it's your turn to be offended.

° The blood sport you both engage in is that of pranks. They're like full fledged wars if you're not careful. Where you can be sneaky, don't forget that John can be sneakier - he is a criminal after all.

° You know fine well that John intends to marry you - if you're not already married. With his charm and good looks, how can you not want to marry him?

° All in all, love with John never gets boring. Even though you have your many ups and many downs, one thing rings true at the end of each day: You're both absolutely madly in love with one another. You wouldn't have it any other way and neither would he.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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requests: open!

[chasedbyatlantic]

highway to hell, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — ellie drives a car for the first time with you and joel attempting to teach her, but it doesn't go as you had imagined.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, pre jackson!era joel, female!reader, implied relationship, protective joel, secretive-ish joel, ellie being a fucking comedian as per usual, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything!

wordcount: 2.7k

a/n: this is genuinely so funny to me. i can SO see ellie doing all of this HAHA. plz request ideas for fics i am out of them!!!! also if u want me to write for any other characters. remember to like, comment, reblog, and follow for updates! xoxo

—

It was no earlier than eight in the evening. The sun was just below the horizon (it was late autumn), and the breeze had started to pick up. You, Joel, and Ellie had been up since before the sunrise this morning, continuing your journey down to Wyoming. Right now, you were in the outskirts of the Illinois countryside, in some small town that was in a time capsule from decades ago.

Before the outbreak, you had worked with Joel (and his brother Tommy) in their contracting business, as a secretary (well, secretary-in-training). You decided to stick with him during his travels after the apocalypse had commenced, despite his bitching and complaining about you being there. Though, the complaining only happened for a short while, he learned to appreciate you and enjoy your company, you were one of the few people he had cared about in this horrible world.

It had only been a few months ago since you had met Ellie for the first time. You didn't like her at the start, to say the least - she was an 'annoying little shit', like Joel would say. All Ellie did all day was nag and pester both you and Joel, but she, as well as the two of you, learned to interact peacefully with one and other. Now, all three of you were inseparable. You sure as hell didn't mind this, but Joel didn't want Ellie (or you, for that matter) near him when he would get himself in shit. Oh well, you can't have everything you want.

Ellie was talking to the two of you about something she had probably learned from all the books she had read at the Boston QZ. To be honest, Ellie had taught you lots of things. Not any survival things, far from that, but brainy things that you would have probably needed if you actually ever lived a normal adult life - paying the government, how much you should ideally spend on groceries, etc.

You weren't paying attention to the girl beside you, tuning her out completely. You were far too tired to be in any more conversation than you had to be in right now, and you just really couldn't give a shit about the percentage rate of silverback gorillas being born in American zoos in the late nineties compared to the early eighties. As Ellie was talking, you had spotted a nice little home of sorts, one that the three of you could spend the night in.

"Hey," You had interupted the other two who were in small conversation, "we can spend the night there." A nod was sent from you to the direction of the small home. The other two went silent, Joel had sped up a tad bit, now in front of you and leading the way. "Wait out here, lemme check't out." With that, he was off inside.

Ellie turned to you, breaking the silence. "When're you gonna teach me how to drive, princess?" That was the nickname she gave you, princess. According to her, it was because everyone had always treated you like royalty. You thought different, but it was whatever. "How old're ya'? Twelve? Not yet, missy." This had earned a gasp from Ellie, like she had just seen a ghost. "Fourteen, actually! More adult than yo-"

She had gotten interrupted by Joel stepping out of the small home, "It's clear, y'all're safe t'come in." He did his little head motion, signalling you guys to come in. You began to walk, and Ellie was on your heel. You brought your hand around her shoulder, roughing up her hair. "Soon, promise."

When you two had entered the tiny abode, it reeked of old. You weren't sure if it was the contained moisture, or nobody cleaning the place in twenty years, but it smelled old. "Fucking Christ! Someone open a window!" was exclaimed from Ellie as she moved out from your grip, and plugging her nose. You and Joel had eyed one another, before you moved to the two windows (one each) and hoisted them open. An immediate relief was sent through the room, with a nice breeze of wind following suit.

"So much better." Ellie groaned, now moving over to the couch in the middle of the room. The house was not big at all, there were a total of three rooms. The living space, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The bathroom was totally out of commission, so that meant only two rooms. "Ya' can have the bedroom," Joel had said to Ellie, "We'll take the livin' room."

"Sleep with a fucking pillow divider, please. I am not babysitting any kids in the near future." This had earned a stern look from Joel, and a wack from you. "Bed, now." You told her after she yelped from the hit across her shoulder. "Jesus! Let me go piss, and then I'll go!" You tsked as Ellie quickly and efficiently moved out the front door, to go and do whatever she needed to do.

"Un-fucking-believable." You had only managed to get out, before sitting down on the couch. Joel had let out a small sigh as he removed his gun that was slung over his shoulder. "Kid's got'ta mouth." He sat down beside you, arm now draping around your shoulder. "I fucking know! How does she even- even know what that shit means? Swear ta' god, I was her age'n playin' with barbies."

After not replying to this, knowing it was just going to keep setting you off, he began to unbutton his shirt. You had glanced down, taking the hint Joel was giving to you. You had tugged at the hem of your jeans, sliding them off. This wasn't for sex, not tonight. You two had known each other for years, and you trusted each other with your lives, so you were both able to get undressed in front of each other without a caring what the other would think.

After Joel was just in his jeans, and you were just in your shirt and underwear, you two had melted into the couch. The couch was the cleanest part of the entire room, which was a huge plus- though, even if it wasn't, you would still have a great sleep on it shortly. Joel had his arm wrapped around you once again, and you were pulled into his bare chest. He hated PDA, so it was perfect when the two of you were just alone- even though Ellie knew something was up between the two of you.

"Can we take the day off tomorrow?" Your voice wasn't loud, just barely loud enough for him to hear. You ear was pressed against his chest, head rising everytime he inhaled and exhaled. "'M sorry, ya' know we can't." After Joel had said this, an audible exhale was heard through the room. Joel's thumb started to rub up and down your shoulder, his hand staying in place. "Don'tcha worry, baby. Only a bit longer, then we'll get time, 'kay?"

Before you had time to respond, you heard a booming sound coming from a bit away. It was an engine. You shot up, causing Joel's arm to fall off of you. He had grunted as he sat up, his brain running a thousand miles per minute right now. Then, you two both had a moment of realization. "Ellie."

It felt like an eternity for the both of you before you had your clothes back on, when in reality it only took about fifteen seconds. "We shouldn't have fuckin' let her go out there." Joel had stated as he grabbed his gun and quickly made his way to the door. You were on his heel as Ellie was to you earlier, praying nothing had happened to her. If something did, you would never forgive yourself- and Joel sure as hell wouldn't forgive you either, despite it not being any of your fault.

The door had burst open as the two of you emerged from it, eyes scanning everywhere all at once, looking for the small brunette. As you did this, you could see some sort of headlights approaching quickly. You had grabbed Joel's arm and pulled him down with you. By the speed the car was approaching at, they wouldn't see you at all if you were on the ground. Joel had his gun aimed towards the approaching vehicle (the only reason he hadn't taken a shot was because he couldn't get a clear one, due to how fas the car was going).

Before you could even process it, the car was stopped in front of where you and Joel were, and the window had rolled down. A honk or two was set out, very loudly. You still weren't able to process what was happening, neither did Joel. Finally, after a moment or two, you snapped back (harshly) into reality). "Is that-"

"Get in fuckers, we're going on a road trip!" The familiar brunette you two were so scared you had lost was, in fact, sitting in the front seat of this random pickup truck, the biggest fucking grin on her face. You were on your feet just after Joel was on his, he looked like he was about to kill someone. "Get out'ta the fuckin' car, Ellie." He had slung his rifle back over his shoulder once he knew that she wasn't some sort of raider.

"No can do, Joel-ly boy. I already got yours and the princess's bags in the back. Hop in, I need to show you this cool fuckin' shit I found!" You had only turned to look at Joel, his view still at the young girl. He was thinking to himself. First of all, how the fuck did Ellie find the keys for the corresponding car, and how the fuck was she able to drive it without any previous experience or help? He was dumbfounded at the moment.

All you could do was grab Joel's arm and lead him to the car, Ellie was refusing to get out and well- you promised to teach her how to drive. God, he was going to kill you later. "I told her I'd uh- you know, teach her." You had audibly gulped, your eyes not meeting Joel's. He was silent, the only thing heard was some Brittany Spears song Ellie had playing.

Once your eyes had met his for a split second, he gave a 'fine, but we're having a long talk about this later' look to you. You opened the door for him like the nice person you were, and he hesitantly got in. You were so nervous right now, you felt like you had broken Joel's trust by doing this. But hey, if for some reason Ellie is on her own in the future, she needs to know how to drive a car.

You made your way to the other side and got in the passenger seat. Joel was sitting in the middle seat of the second row, his hands resting on the shoulder of the seats in front. Once the door was shut, you most definitely did your seat belt up. You had turned your head to eye Ellie, as she just grinned at you. "First rule, always wear your fuckin' seatbelt."

You could tell her heart fell by this, "Right- my bad." She quickly pulled the piece of material over her chest and into the lock. "Alright, now-" She had reached over you, and to the compartment in front. "I found some killer albums. Ones that our Joel-ly boy would love. I'm playing them so the mood isn't totally fucked."

You shook your head, eyeing Joel through the rearview mirror. He met the gaze, looking absolutely annoyed. Though, he was silent and just watching what the two of you were doing. Ellie had finished fumbling with the tapes, and removed the one that was playing. She put the new one into the radio system, and tossed the recently-played one into the compartment. The play button was hit.

"Okay, uh- where do I start? I guess now we talk about the gears? Basically, you'll take the shift and-" Your heart had dropped as you were suddenly cut off by the engine roaring, and now going about eighty miles an hour. For some fucking reason, Ellie was laughing. You and Joel were sure as hell not laughing, as a matter of a fact, Joel was screaming with you.

Some 'oh my fucking god!'s and some 'stop!'s were heard through the music, that was now blaring through the car's speakers. Taking a fraction of a second to listen into the music, you had figured out it was Highway to Hell by AC/DC, an old rock band that was popular when Joel was growing up. How fucking fitting for these circumstances.

Joel's hand, from the back seat, had found your shoulder as he held you to the back of your seat. He didn't have his seatbelt on, but he didn't care. He had to make sure you wouldn't go fucking flying through the front windshield if Ellie came to a halting stop. "Stop the fuckin' car! Slowly- off the gas! Jesus Christ!" He was screaming from the back.

Sure, adrenaline was an exhilarating feeling every once in a while, but going eighty miles an hour in a car from someone with zero driving experience? Not exhilarating one bit. Though, Ellie would beg to differ. She was draining out the screams and panicked tones coming from both you and Joel, and was just having a great time.

After another minute or two of screaming and pleading for the girl to stop, the song came to an end- and so did her manic driving. "Ellie-" You were panting, like you had just ran a marathon. In reality, you were panting because you had just held your breath from the exact time the engine accelerated, until now. "-Ellie, pull the fucking car over. Please god." You were in no means religious, but right now you felt like you needed to go to church and pray.

Ellie didn't really know how to pull over properly, so she just- swerved off the road and pushed the car's "off" button. Joel's hand had fell from your shoulder, and he brought both to his face. He covered his face by his hands for a moment, and Ellie smiled to herself. She felt accomplished by this, even though she almost fucking killed everyone (including herself).

After a moment of silence, Joel had made a sound. It sounded like he was crying. Both you and Ellie, in unity, had turned to him in the backseat. It was so muffled that you did think Joel was crying. You immediately brought your hand to his knee, your heart still racing from what had just happened.

It was only after you did this that you realized he was in fact not crying, but had bursted out with laughter. Joel fucking Miller, the most serious man on the planet, was laughing after he almost just died. You had removed your hand from his knee and turned back forward, shaking your head and crossing your arms. "This isn't funny, Joel!"

Ellie turned back after you, glancing in your direction. She couldn't help but burst out with laughter too. Not at you, but at everything (it also didn't help that she, along with you two, were exhausted). Your gaze went from forward, to the left of you, to Ellie. You could only shake your head, disappointed.

But, if you were disappointed, why had you started to laugh as well? This situation sure as hell wasn't funny, to you at least. "I hate you guys." You managed to get out between your laughter fits. Even if you were setting a bad example right now, you couldn't help it. Everyone's laugh was so contagious, despite the current situation.

Moments like this, you would remember forever. You would remember this as the time your psycho kid almost killed you while driving for the first time, and all three of you bursting out with laughter afterward. Even though the world had ended, you couldn't help but enjoy the small moments like this, where you almost died (but didn't), just being surrounded by the people you had loved more than anything. You had learned so much from moments like this, like not to let a fucking fourteen your old girl drive a car without proper lessons, or that Joel Miller was in fact not made out of stone, and he was able to laugh alongside the rest of you.

Even though the world you used to know was gone, you were happy that, whenever it came, you would get to spend your last minutes surrounded by the people you loved most. Joel and Ellie.

—

highway to hell, ac/dc

[meganwritesfanfics]

Clandestine Meetings (Joel Miller x Reader) Chapter 1

Next Chapter

Joel Miller x Reader

Joel's life has been filled with darkness and despair. For years it has felt as though his life had been drained of all color. He never dreamed that he would find anything to change that. That is until one day he finds a girl who becomes his rainbow.

Word Count: 1552

Rating M: For later chapter. Right now it's just a meet-cute. Some angst from Joel, but kind of fluffy.

Honestly, I didn't expect to be making this series. I had planned a one-shot around the idea of this reader character. But when I started to write a small background scene, I realized how great of a series this could make. I have ideas of where I would like this to go, and I would love to hear your feedback and ideas, but I am very excited to get this started.

It had been a few months since Joel, Tommy, and Tess had found themselves inside the Boston QZ and Joel felt as if he was going stir-crazy. After years of roaming, it felt weird to be trapped behind walls, and to be trapped with the F.E.D.R.A officers was even worse. But things had changed, Tommy had changed. And Joel could see the wear of the years, and what the years had brought, on Tommy. 

Not only that but Joel needed a change. He still knew that he would do anything to protect his brother, and now Tess. But having done horrible and despicable things to keep them safe, he needed somewhere that wouldn’t require him to destroy his own soul to do that. Plus it had also been years since he slept in an actual bed, even if it was just the shitty mattress that F.E.D.R.A had given them. 

And while the work that F.E.D.R.A required it’s “citizens” to participate in was back breaking, demeaning, and horrific. Some days Joel didn’t mind it. It gave him something to do, distracted his mind, kept his hands busy. Not to mention it gave him many chances to meet knew “clients,” for his and Tess’ business. 

Almost instantly when they had arrived Joel and Tess had started smuggling. It brought in a good income, plus they could trade for some otherwise impossible items from F.E.D.R.A. officiers. Plus Joel liked having some power over F.E.D.R.A officers, it made it easier to get out of scrapes, when his clients knew that if anything happen to him or Tess they would lose their suppliers. 

But as the days, weeks, and months dragged on life seemed to fade into monotony. His life had already lost it’s color and light when he lost Sarah, but now it seemed to descend to a sad, depressing grayscale. 

That was until he saw her. 

He hadn’t even noticed her at first. Joel had been so tuned out to the world around him as he moved the bodies, he didn’t even see as the workers around him began to wander away. He just kept picking the bodies up from the truck, and dropping them in the fire. It was probably one of the worst jobs F.E.D.R.A had, but it paid and not many people chose it, so it meant that there were always slots open. 

Suddenly he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. He turned and his whole world stopped when he saw her. Joel wasn’t what you would call a romantic by any means, and after the shit he had been through, love or anything close to it had never even crossed his mind. But when he saw her, for a moment he felt his heart skip a beat. He felt as though his whole world was Kansas at the beginning of the Wizard of Oz, and this girl was his Oz. She beamed, even with all of the destruction around her, she gave off a feeling of comfort and warmth. 

And there she was, standing around the workers, pouring out jugs of water into small tin cups. He could see beside her was a small wagon filled with even more jugs. He was taken aback by the act of kindness. Immediately his first thought was ‘what could she possibly be benefiting from this.’ Because of course no one in this world could act with genuine kindness their had to be a catch. 

There was something about her though, for however much Joel’s heart ached at the sight of her, Joel’s mind hated her. How dare someone look so perfect, and happy with everything going on in the world. How dare she stir something inside of him that he never wanted to feel. How dare someone like her exist in this cruel and unforgiving world. 

From that moment, Joel swore to himself that he would avoid her at any cost. Any time she came around with her cart of water, or even when she brought around food, he would hide in the shadows, or just walk off the job entirely, not even caring if he didn’t get paid. She made him feel something, something that terrified him, and Joel had vowed a long time ago to never let anything make him feel like that ever again. 

But even with his hiding and running away, that didn’t mean he didn’t steal glances at her every time he had the chance. And the more jobs he took in town the more he saw her. He even tried taking jobs at early and late shifts, and yet she still was there. It seemed the harder the job, the more often she would show up throughout the day. And she wasn’t just there to pass out the water and food. Sometimes she would just show up for a moment of conversation. Joel would watch her as she talked with people, laughing with them, crying with them, pulling them into her arms for a comforting embrace. 

And people would flock to her when they saw her, but not Joel. He still kept waiting for an explanation, some sort of answer as to why she was doing what she was. And he thought he had found it, when he saw her one day walking hand in hand down the street with a F.E.D.R.A officer, one of Joel’s best clients. 

“That’s it,” Joel thought. “She must be pretending to gain people’s trust so she can sell them out to her F.E.D.R.A husband.” He had clocked the wedding ring on her finger early on. This was the only logical explanation he could come up with. Joel knew he had to keep an eye out for her, and make sure she never got close to him. And yet, he never told Tess or Tommy about her. The girl could be a threat to his buisness and lord knew Tommy was getting himself mixed in with a dangerous crowd. Even knowing this, he couldn’t bring himself to mention her. 

All of that changed, one day he was working on street cleaning duty, it was the middle of summer and the heat was unbearable. Already three members of the crew had dropped and had to be carted away to a F.E.D.R.A hospital for heat exhaustion. And it must have been the heat that caused Joel not to be on his a game, and on the hunt for the girl. Because the next thing he knew he heard a beautiful voice behind him say

“Sir,” 

He immediately turned and saw her y/e/c staring at him. There was a small smile on her face as she held out her hand which held a cup of water. 

“Would you like some water?” She said and again the sound of her voice ripped through Joel and he almost shivered at the sound. 

This was the first time she had ever approached him, of course, it wasn’t like he had ever given her a chance to. And in all the times he thought about her, and planned out what he would do if this happened, he never knew how he would feel when it did. He felt like he was a teenage boy again, with a crush on the most popular girl in school. And all he wanted to do was fall at her feet and worship the ground he walked on. 

“It is a very hot day, and I’m sure some water would do you good.” She piped up again. 

Joel just grunted as he reached out and took the water from her. He immediately averted his gaze on her as he took a drink. Not even truly realizing how dehydrated he was until he could feel the cool liquid coat his dry throat. Without looking at her again he handed her back the cup. 

“Thank you.” She said and stopped and immediately looked at her. 

“For what?” He snapped.

“I know these jobs aren’t easy, and I know you aren’t treated the way you all should be. So thank you.” She smiled, and she sounded entirely sincere. 

For a moment Joel thought she must be an insanely good actress, but the more he looked into her warm and comforting gaze, he realized that she actually meant it. And maybe for the first time in years, hell a decade, he had met someone who was genuinely good. 

“I’m Y/N.” She extended her hand out towards him 

“Joel,” He responded back as he took her hand, the feeling of their skin touching felt electric. 

And before he had a chance to say anything else, other workers had come up to her begging for food and water. With a chance at escape, Joel slipped away heading back into the street and back to work, but not before stealing one last look back at Y/N. To his surprise he found her look at him, and when their eyes met, Y/N smiled as her cheeks turned a light shade of pink, and she quickly went back to looking at the people around her. 

“I’m fucked.” Joel thought.

Next Chapter

[supercalime]

i thought about adding "(yes, bucktommy kids, i take no criticism)" to my last anon ask but decided to delete it last minute LMAO!

in all honesty, i've thought about buck becoming a dad since season 1 (started watch 911 when it was on season 2, so it's been a few years). idk like season 1 alone just set up so much imo? his intriguing relationship with bobby, the first signs of deeply rooted abandonment issues, his clear want to connect to somebody emotionally (and trying and failing to do so with his hookups, which speaks for his desperation), and how he was soooo incredibly protective of the baby that was stuck in the pipe (and angry af at the teenage mom who did this to her own child)? i knew in that very moment that i'm capital i Intrigued with buck's stance on and search for love and family.

it also kept being highlighted throughout all season. buck saying he loves kids, how he's usually the one shown with child characters (saving them during calls, bonding so deeply with chris, the entire tsunami thing being given to him and not any of the canon parents, playing at the kids' table with the children, doing school assignments and baking and cooking with chris), his own childhood and trauma revolving around his own birth, the famous Baby Box, the adoration for his niece, the sperm donor arc and what that has taught him about parental love and family, how he is often shown to be in a position to teach somebody younger (was instructing albert how to cook; was the one teaching ravi; both instances where he was too harsh but only because he was going Through Shit at the time; also baking and cooking with chris). there is more.

if they canonize that buck doesn't want kids of his own, i'd be fine with that, because i still absolutely love how buck loves kids and how kids love buck, and that'll always be canon! but in my heart, buck will be a dad someday idc. give that man a baby okay he'd be fantastic!

Great analysis anon! It’s true, Buck has a great way with kids and I agree that it would be a great way to see him be a father someday, even if it’s one of those cheesy montages in epilogues of tv shows that show the characters in the last episode ever, with everyone with their happy families.

To know that, only time will tell. As we know, procedurals have a hard time committing to big changes for their characters (specially with love interests and kids), so if buck being a dad (with tommy pls) eventually is in the writers’ mind, I wouldn’t be surprised that we get to have that only in the final episode of the show (or if the actor leaves, the final episode he’s in).

I also agree with you about him maybe not wanting to have kids of his own (if it’s stated in canon in dialogue). But as I see, it definitely wouldn’t be out of character for him to want to have kids.

I do think that even Buck, at this point in his life, is not thinking that ahead as well. Maybe he could have an awakening about fatherhood. I mean, if I may hc for a sec here: we know tommy (I’m obv using bucktommy endgame here because of course) likes kids otherwise Chris wouldn’t have loved him so quickly, so it’s safe to say he would like Jee as well, so I could see in the future buck seeing tommy being cute with Chris or Jee and being like “i want to have that for me with tommy”.

Anyway, I love rambling haha

[jamiedc-they-them]

BEING JOEL’S SURVIVING CHILD AND AN OLDLER SIBLING TO ELLIE PART 1:

CW: Normal Last of Us Swearing/Violence; mention of suicidal thoughts

Sarah and you were best friends. Being twins did that to you.

You were in sync with each other, and you would team up to freak your dad out all the time.

“You’re just jealous you don’t have a twin, dad!” You would say to him when he asked you to stop.

Whatever you wrote, she always hyped it up. She was proud of her twin.

You both stayed up to celebrate your dads birthday.

You both got the money for the watch.

When the apocalypse starts, Sarah goes in front. She’s the fighter, you’re not.

“Dad?” You ask you father when you leave to the car.

“We’ll be ok, baby. I promise.”

You see, but Sarah isn’t so lucky.

There’s a shift in you after that. You fall into a pit.

You’re a fighter, a brutal one.

Your dad and you almost lose yourselves.

Tommy’s heart breaks as he sees how far you’ve gone because of the pain.

He leaves for the firefly’s but offers for you to go with him.

There’s a spark of your humanity when he asks, but you decline. He leaves things off better with you then Joel.

This humanity sometimes appears in the small stories you write.

Joel doesn’t like taking you on jobs, but your size is an advantage.

Tess cares for you like one of her own. Constantly calls you “what we’re fighting for and still keeping ourselves around for.”

It doesn’t make you feel as special as she intends, but it’s a nice gesture if nothing else.

She too tries to encourage your writing. She tries to find material for you. Sometimes Joel does too.

On one run, you meet a girl. A spirited girl named Ellie.

You don’t exactly get along like a house on fire, but you also aren’t cold to her either.

She’s someone you’re taking as cargo, sure. But she’s human.

“He always like this?” She asks you, referencing your dad.

“Most of the time, yeah.” You answer.

“Great.”

You get used to it,” you assure.

Her face doesn’t hold a smile, but she’s grateful internally for your assurance, and just for making conversation with her.

When you get to your hideout, your dad sleeps. Leaving you and Ellie awake.

“So, what is there to do?”

“I normally sit here, watching people.”

“...Can I join?”

“Sure,” you move to make space for her. She notes how you have a little pad and pencil, along with how you curl into yourself; you seem more natural, more relaxed.

“So, now what?”

“Now, I normally just watch people as they go. Sometimes write some ideas in here,” at ‘here’ you gesture to your notepad.

“About them?” she points outside.

You start to shake your head, then pause and look up, “sometimes. Most of the time, just ideas for stories. Sometimes I try and give them backstories.”

“Have you ever read Savage Starlight?”

“When I was younger, sure. Used to write my own little fics about them.”

She chuckles, though in interest, “that’s pretty cool.”

There’s a ghost of a smile on your face, “didn’t think so at the time. But, yeah, they were. One time, Sarah and I made up our own characters,” you don’t even clock the name drop of your dead sister, too clouded with the happiness of the memory, “just, acted out scenes for hours.”

“Sounds like fun,” her voice softens; she knows about Sarah, but she doesn’t say that. She’s lost people too after all.

“Yeah,” you say, “yeah, it was.”

She smiles a bit. She hasn’t had a friend in a longtime. Not since Riley. Though, the feelings for her ran in a different way. She doesn’t want to have you in the way she had a crush on her best friend. She just wants a friend.

You see her infection, and become guarded. But you see the conviction on her face when she says to you about being immune.

Hope is something you rarely let yourself feel, but you did in this moment. Maybe all the pain would be worth something if you could do this. Redemption could be yours.

Joel notices a push and pull with you. You’ll find yourself talking to Ellie, bonding with her, only to then pull away or stop yourself. You’re protective of her too, putting yourself in front of her when in danger. Though, she saves you too, killing zombies that have grabbed you or warning you about on coming ones.

For the first time in a while, Joel sees you smile when she brushes off Joel’s advice and crosses over the beam.

Then…then Tess dies. Both can tell it hurts you. It’s why Joel bans it from conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Ellie says to you, then goes by Joel’s rule.

When walking to Bill’s, she walks near you. She doesn’t say anything, but she hopes her presence can mean something.

Part of it does make her feel a bit safer, and makes the loss of Riley more easy; someone is nearby to just silently say “I’m here”

You give her a small smile in one moment of silence. She returns it, but she sees you’re thankful, not fully being alone with it all.

She just nods, she’s glad it’s helping and that you’re here too silently doing the same thing for her.

When she plays with the fireflies, there’s a smile on your face at her innocence in that moment. Even you have to admit, there’s a beauty to them and this world, despite everything.

Joel’s smile softens a bit when he looks at you. He knows Ellie is filling that void that losing Sarah left for you as well. He can see, with the way you then clear your throat and turn around, that it’s scaring you as much as it is him.

You both made a silent vow to never discuss it, but now that wound is being ripped open, the more you let Ellie in.

Joel knows Bill better than you, but you still warn Ellie about how the man can be.

When Ellie tells you both about the game, you don’t correct her on the (admittedly) small moments of incorrect information. She looks at you with glee, then asking you about it. About the other characters. And you’re honest with what you can remember. Twenty years of survival made you forget a lot of your old life.

You both work together, and it’s the first time the three of you have some (albeit slightly chaotic giving everything going on in the situation) level of synchronization. Ellie throwing you both ammo (she never actually pestered you for a gun, which you’re thankful for), Joel covering you; you giving Ellie a boost up, covering her as best you could, her giving you both warnings. It works.

You chuckle at her comments to Bill. You can see your father finds humour in them too, even if he won’t let himself show it.

When it comes to the bloater, Joel makes sure you get up there as well. Just in case.

With Frank, you find the note and give it to your dad.

“Jesus. Alright, thanks, kid.”

You leave it to him to decide what to do with it.

Despite her assurance that she knows how to pop a clutch, she does ask you in a whisper which one that is. You point if out for her.

“Actually. Y/N, why don’t you get in the car with Ellie? You drive.”

“Oh, c’mon?! Seriously?!” Ellie protests, despite trusting you and all. She thought it would be cool.

“How about you cover us from in there?” You say, bringing out your pistol and handing it to her.

“Y/N, no. That - that ain’t exactly what I had in mind for —“ your dad begins to protest himself. Damn it, he’s gone back in time with how you used to be with Sarah. Rebellious.

“Oh, fuck yes!” Ellie says as she takes the pistol, “I fucking love this plan! Get in, partner!” You do so, and pop the clutch, though almost stall the fucking thing.

“It’s been a while,” you use as an excuse.

“Weren’t you like my age when the world went to shit?”

“…Fair point.”

“I did let them drive once after a run,” Joel says as himself and Bill get ready to push the car.

“Joel…Not. The. Fucking. Time.” He says.

Ellie is a decent shot to be fair. So that’s something, at least.

Still, you make it through the town, and say goodbye to your ‘uncle’ Bill. He just tells you to fuck off when he hears that. You flip him off, not seeing Ellie also join you in that.

You’re her friend, she’s gonna back you up however she can. That, and despite him getting you a car, guy was somewhat of a dick to her, so.

She shows you the magazine, you just laugh. Even harder when she reveals she was just fucking with Joel with her questions.

She moves up to the front after seeing you fall asleep. Joel even pulls over so they both can get you laying down.

“They’re a deep sleeper,” Ellie comments.

“Yeah. Yeah, they ain’t been able to for a long time.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good that they still can though, right?” She asks.

“It is,” it’s the softest Ellie’s heard him speak since she’s met you both. And you look the softest you have yet. Guard completely let down.

Before getting back in the car, she makes sure to put your pistol back in your backpack.

They’re quiet with the music as they drive. It lulls Ellie off to sleep.

When the ambush happens, you wake up at the last minute, meaning it’s a blur to you. It almost gets you killed. After Joel saves Ellie, he sees you almost knocked out. That same fatherly rage overtakes him, and he is brutal with his kill. Ellie, meanwhile, helps move you to some cover, giving you some alcohol and cloth to clean the wounds later. She doesn’t ask if you’re ok, knowing that your now bloodied face is enough of an answer.

As Joel looks for supplies, she helps you with your face.

“You ever have things like this happen when you were younger?” She asks, trying to distract you from the sting you feel.

“To be honest, not really. Sarah and I would sometimes take a fall, that was the extent of our injuries most of the time. Though once or twice we’d get in a fight at school.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Some arsehole or something. We’d hear it, the other wouldn’t, then we’d just see red.”

“Must’ve been nice, having someone watch your back like that.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“Well,” she says, pouring a bit more alcohol onto the cloth before dabbing it on your cut on your face, “for as long as we’re on this road trip together, I’ve got your back.”

“You have so far,” you say, and she smiles, “and I’ve got yours too. You’re a good kid. I, uh, I hope you can save the world with this immune thing.”

“It’d be good. I mean, most’ve the kids I knew were never that special in general. I never was in school,” you chuckle a bit - neither were you, “but this might mean something.”

“You want my advice?” She nods, putting the cloth and very little remaining alcohol away in her back pack, and handing you yours from the jeep as you stand up, “you’re already a good person, I’d say that’s special enough for a world like this. Just…try not to lose that, ok?”

The sincerity with your advice makes her nod genuinely, “I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will,” you ruffle her hair, “now, c’mon. Think dad might’ve gotten lost during our bonding time.”

She chuckles, but stays a bit behind you before following, she mules on your words. Of saying ‘dad’ and calling it ‘bonding’ time. In FEDRA, they always talked about them all being siblings, but most were just arseholes. But, you’re the first two people who have treated her like a person. Aside from Riley, but she knows how she felt about her isn’t how she feels about either of you - besides, the age difference is just a big no - but she cares about you both. And you’re more open of your care with her. Joel is more through action and small stories.

She follows, after that short moment of contemplation.

With Joel’s vague “I’ve been on both sides” she does lump you in with that as well. Not that she blames you, Joel is the only family you have left. So she gets why you haven’t left his side.

With the whistling, Joel at first thinks you taught it to her, but you say to him that it’s “all her.”

You do smile a bit at it, knowing she now has a trump card against your dad.

You had the puppy dog eyes, Ellie has the whistle.

You swear you hear you dad grumble under his breath about this same idea.

With the hotel, Joel is separated from you both. You just tell her to “stay close” and she does.

She’s panicking, but at least she isn’t alone.

You witness her killing the man who was fighting Joel. You can tell she’s shaken. You try to comfort her, but her anger at Joel makes her ignore it when she snaps at him.

Things are a bit cold for a moment as go through the rest of the hotel. But then he asks her to cover you both.

“How can I do that for both of you?” She asks, a bit worried of letting you guys down.

“We’ll be smart,” Joel assures as you check your ammo, “besides, if anyone’s gonna be caught, it’s gonna be me.”

“Why’s that?” She asks. Joel looks back at you for a moment, and leans closer to Ellie.

“Feeling my age,” he says. She smirks, but doesn’t say anything. She’ll keep that between them.

Joel jumps first, thanking her in his own way for saving him. After she says he’s welcome, she then looks to you, “I meant what I said,” she tells you.

“I know you did. You’ve got this,” you assure, before jumping down yourself.

“I’ve got this,” she says to herself softly, getting in position, “I’ve got this.”

She does. She really does.

You give her a nod when she’s smart with the pistol, pocketing it. You even share some of your ammo with her.

With Henry and Sam, Ellie notices you distancing yourself a little. You are, to be honest, but oddly it’s Henry who catches you out on it.

“Afraid you’ll lose your sister?” He says, as you all wait in his office to go on the night run.

“Guess it’s best to lose her to a friend than the whole permanent thing,” he notices how you: a) don’t correct him; and b) play with your fingers a bit. He nods, seemingly understanding why you’re being a bit distant now.

“I get what you mean,” he decides to say, “I haven’t seen Sam that happy in a while.”

You nod. Then move the conversation on. Which Henry understands.

You find yourself becoming friends with him quite easily. You both bond over your previous lives and the old world.

It seems to maybe be at an end when he ditches Joel, and Ellie joins you both. But he makes a valid point about him wanting his brother safe and how if the tables would be reversed, would it be the same outcome? He came back, after all.

Being split up in the sewers, Ellie is scared truly for the first time, being away from you both at the same time.

She hears gunshots and just hopes it’s both of you. She lets out a massive sigh of relief when she sees that it is, “thank god,” she says.

As you continue your journey, Ellie sees more of this nostalgic side to you; pointing things out for them that they don’t understand, but you, Joel, and Henry, do.

She finds it odd, and feels a bit left out, but there is a life to your eyes as you laugh about whatever the newest nostalgia object or idea was.

“Hey,” she says to you as you both search a house, “we’re ok, right?”

“Yeah,” you say instantly, “course.”

“Ok, good. That’s good.”

“You’re allowed to have friends, Ellie.”

“I know. I know…But, I’m not replacing you or anything —“

“Ellie,” you say, pausing from looking in a cupboard to look to her, “we’re good, I promise.”

“Ok,” she says, “seems you and Henry are tight.”

“Yeah,” you say, “yeah, he’s a good guy. Aside the whole abandoning thing.”

“He was good with me in the sewers,” she says, “he;s a good guy.”

“He is,” you affirm both her and your previous words.

“Do you…like him? I won’t tell anyone.”

“Nah, he’s just a good guy. Besides, was never into any of that myself.”

“Oh. That’s cool.”

“Yep. What about you, you into any of the whole romantic thing?”

Her mouth opens, and the story of her and Riley almost comes out, but she doesn’t say that. Instead, she says, “not with Sam. Or his whole…thing.”

“Gender?” She nods, “Hm. Cool.”

She feels glad she told someone. It’s another one of those bonding moments. There’s more trust now.

Then Henry and Sam die. You’re just frozen. So is she. Joel goes to the youngest, trying to get Ellie out of her state first. It takes a moment, before she is. Then they both look to you. Your hands are shaking, and you’ve curled into a ball at the wall.

“Careful,” Joel says, “Actually, stay here,” she does, but her worried and tear filled eyes stay on you.

She can’t hear what he says to you, but it takes a moment for you to look at him. You then fall into his arms. He holds you as you cry.

You stand up with him, avoiding looking at the bodies of your dead friends as best you can, before you or go over to Ellie.

“Come on,” you say, voice quiet, and wobbly. She takes your hand, and notes how you keep holding it as you leave.

As you near Tommy’s dam, she sees that it’s hurt you. You clean yourself off in a more shallow part of the water. You’re quieter. Not dispondant, but in your own head more. Like with Tess, only this was a death you saw. Joel’s worried too, you haven’t been like this since Sarah. And that quietness lasted for a few years, then turned into anger. He doesn’t want to see you go through that again.

Every so often, when you’re too much in your head or about to miss something like a jump or whatever, she will either call out your name, or put a hand on your arm to bring you back to the present. She hates how you jump at it.

She brings up the toy burial thing with Joel when she knows you won’t hear it. Even though Joel dismisses it, he does give her a ‘thank you’ a bit further ahead.

You both meet Tommy again, and those feelings of being an outsider and abandonment come up again.

She guesses this is how you felt for a moment with Sam and her, though she doesn’t have someone to talk to this time about anything. Maria tries, but it’s not the same.

Joel goes off with Tommy, and you find yourself going to the stables. Maria takes Ellie for some food. You’re all separated.

In the stable, you allow yourself a moment of vulnerability. With one horse, it approaches you and nudges you. You cry, and it comforts you, nuzzling against you. It’s sweet, and you allow yourself to feel the toll of everything. To not hide it anymore.

Maria radios later whoever it is in the stables, asking for you.

Whoever it is, sends a girl, named Dina, to come get you. She’s nice. She reminds you of Ellie a bit. Empathetic.

She tells you where to go. Offers to take you, but you apologise for taking up her time and go find Ellie.

She sees your eyes being red from crying, but doesn’t ask about it. Maria follows that action.

When the attack comes, you’re on instinct mode. And that has protect within there somewhere. You’re brutal. Ellie’s never seen this side full on. It scares her a bit.

“Are you ok?” Joel asks, getting Ellie calm with her rant. She says she is, but then she looks to you in the corner, sat on the table, blood on parts of your face and jacket, and jeans…you’re not caked in it, but there are splatters of blood on pretty much all of you.

“Y/N…they. They protected me.”

Joel hates that this part has come out again, but he finds himself nodding with Ellie, “yeah,” he says, “can you give us a minute?” She nods, moving aside to let him go to you.

“Dad,” you say, instincts on high and your head shoots up to speak to him, “I had to. I had to keep her safe.”

He’s silent for a minute, trying to find the right words. It’s been a while since you’ve had talks like this, time to actually think about his answer, “I know. You did protect her. But, kid, look at you. I don’t want you to lose yourself to that. I don’t want you to…become who I was.”

“Am I a monster?”

“No, no. God no,” he’s quick and sure of that answer, “just…I think this has taken a toll on you more than it has me.”

You smile a small one, he mirrors it, “guess I’m feeling my age too, huh?”

He snorts, “yeah. I don’t think you’re there yet.”

He’s glad he’s done this. And while he knows leaving Ellie will be hard, he knows this is best. You’re both becoming too attached, and he doesn’t want you to go through that pain again.

To make it easier, Joel asks Maria to get you some fresh clothes and have a wash to try make this easier on himself too. She does so, meaning you have no idea Ellie ran away.

Maria’s gentle with you, not out of fear, but because you’re part of her family, and she sees how much this transfer of having Ellie in your life to not is gonna hurt you.

“Thank you,” she says after you’re dressed and leave the room, “for what you did. I’m sorry it came to that.”

“It’s nothing,” you say, waving it off, “thank you for the clothes and the shower. Haven’t had one like those in god knows how long.”

“Don’t know a good thing til it’s gone, huh?” She says.

“Definitely not,” you say, chuckling, before playing with your fingers a bit.

There’s a beat of silence between you both. Not awkward, just a moment of silence.

“You’re welcome to stay, you know,” she says, “you, Joel, and the kid,” she hates lying, but she’d rather spare you that pain, “there’s some empty houses we’ve got.”

You smile, and there’s a sparkle of life to your eyes. There’s hope.

“I’d like that,” you say.

She goes to say something else, when her radio goes off. It’s Tommy, he was wondering if you could come down to the stables, and that Joel and Ellie are wanting to get another horse for you to get where you want to go.

Internally, she’s relieved. Both for her husband not going, but also for that idea of a happy ending being alive still.

She doesn’t think she’s ever seen someone so hopeful for a happy ending. And, knowing about what Joel and you went through, or all least, what Tommy told her about you both, she doesn’t think there’s someone that deserves one more.

Joel and Ellie agree to keep their little fight a secret too, as they too see how happy you are to be together again as a trio.

Ellie rides on Joel’s horse, you ride your own.

You and your dad both try and explain (American) football to Ellie. God help her, she tries to understand it. To be honest, you barely got it yourself.

Still, this is the closest you three have been. And Joel is pretty happy too. You’ve almost reverted back to how you were, but in a more mature way if that makes sense? You’ve got back your hope and openness, just with this more mature mind now using them.

He even opens up about having Sarah and you pretty young. You never asked him about your mother, he was enough as far as you knew. But, he always said your mother loved you, whatever happened to her. So that was enough for you. Not that you and Sarah didn’t theorize.

While waiting for Joel to reappear to open the gate for you both, you mention that Sarah and her would’ve gotten along really well, and she hopes so. She then asks you about being twins, how it's a bit weird. But you explain to her how you and Sarah weren’t always on the same pages. You were different people, just had your own sibling dynamic. Being the same age, and either of you ever sure of who was the oldest by whoever many minutes, just meant you experienced things at the same time.

When Joel mentions the singing, even you beg him, reminding him of when he did for you and Sarah when younger, “You still remember that, kid?”

“Oh boy, do I. You were a real country singer.”

“I was not.”

“Was too.”

“Was not.”

“Was.

“Not.

“Not.”

“Was.”

“Ha! Got you.”

“Damn it,” Ellie chuckles at you both. Selfishly, she hopes you don’t find the firefly’s, and that she can stay with you. She’ll miss you both a ton.

Though, that wish soon turns into reality. And reality is a nightmare.

Joel gets injured. You both get him out, though barely.

Ellie panics, and you revert back to instinct mode. But this time it’s focused.

You find shelter together, and it’s Ellie this time who lets herself be more open, “what do we do?” She asks, voice trembling a bit in both fear and the coldness. It’s winter.

“I don’t know,” you say, voice neutral.

“You don’t know?”

“You want me to say something else?”

“I want for you to have a plan!”

“Well I don’t fucking have one!”

“Then fucking think of one!”

“Like what?!” She shrinks back a small amount, but still holds your gaze, “Hm?! What do you want me to tell you, Ellie? There’s nothing around here! This whole fucking place has been raided! Maybe we’ll get lucky in our next place. A mall, or something. But, right here? Right here, we have nothing!”

You two don’t talk as you move onto a mall.

“Stay here, I’ll go see if there’s anything,” you say to Ellie, getting your pack ready.

“I’ll go,” she says.

“We can’t both go.”

“Then I’ll go.”

“That’s suicide.”

“I can take care of myself, Y/N,” she says, then grabs your hands in hers, “you use your size to your advantage, I can use mine. You’ve taught me a lot. I can do this. Just, trust me, please?”

You don’t like the idea of this. You’re the older one, you’re the one who is meant to do this. But, you also see how Ellie is pleading. You didn’t even think you taught her a lot, but she’s earnest with her words.

You find yourself nodding; and with her assurance that she’ll be “back in a flash,” she’s gone.

She’s not. It’s a bit longer than that. But she stands corrected that she can take care of herself. She even helps you fend off the hunters that had come looking for you.

She’s determined to keep your father alive. You both work on keeping him that way.

You hand her some alcohol before she does the needle work, “to help keep your hands steady.”

She takes it, it doesn’t taste great, but it does the trick.

You find yourself in a town, hiding in the garage part of a house.

You both communicate through things other than words at this point. You both snuggle close to your dad to share body heat. When one goes on a hunt, the other gives a nod of good luck, sometimes a hug.

One time she takes longer than usual, tells you that she met someone else who gave her some medicine. But that they were “fucking creepy.”

Those creeps come by the next day. You’re awake before Ellie this time. Your rushed moment and knocking something over wakes her up, and she’s alert quickly.

“Stay here, I’ll lead them away.”

“That’s stupid!” She tells you, “You’ll die.”

“Only if they catch me. Look,” you say, crouching down and putting your hands on her shoulders, “I’ll be right back, ok?”

“We both will be,” she says, looking to Joel, “you just don’t die, alright? You motherfucker,” she says to him, before getting up.

“You go one way, I’ll go the other?” She nods at the plan, and you both ride out, before splitting up.

You’re both caught, but David tells her you died. When she rips off his finger, she makes sure it hurts to avenge you.

She gets out, and just mutters to herself, “please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead,” as she tries to make her way back to Joel.

She can’t lose anyone else.

She finds a cell, one with a fresh dead member of David’s crew, “that’s what you get, you sick fucks,” she says to herself. Proud. It means you’re alive.

She gets caught again, and finds herself truly terrified for the first time in a while. She knew people could be cruel in this world, but not like this. Not like David.

When she kills David, she lets it all out. All that anger. All that pain.

Joel finds her, and she’s still in fighting instinct, but calms when she sees it’s Joel.

She breaks down in her father’s arms.

She then remembers you, and pulls away, and only croaks out the start of your name before Joel shushes her.

“We’ll find them, baby girl, we’ll find them.”

It doesn’t take long.

They find you wandering out on your own.

Joel calls out your name, and you spin around with a revolver in your hand. You look dazed.

But you blink a few times, and your father and sister don’t disappear.

You barrel into them, and the three of you just hold each other.

Joel kisses you both on the head, before you then do the same to Ellie.

“Oh, Ellie,” you say, crouching down. You put your hands on her face, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” She feels warm in the hug. Safe. Protected.

This is what family is like, she knows it’s true.

It’s people who put their life on the line for each other. And care about each other deeply.

As a family, you leave that horrible town, and onto your final stretch of your journey.

This time, it’s you who pulls Ellie out of her head. Sometimes you call out her name, sometimes you put a hand on her shoulder. Or sometimes, when trying to have banter with her, you ruffle her hair a bit.

She always gives you a small smile, but it doesn’t fool you.

But you also know if you push it, it may push her overboard.

So you just keep near, making sure she eats, and sleeps well.

Most nights, she goes to sleep with you having a protective arm around her, or running your fingers through her hair to calm her down.

You even try and do her hair at one point, it doesn’t go well, but she does give you a ‘thank you’ for the effort.

“Don’t leave,” she says one night, while falling asleep. Joel is long gone for the night, it’s just you both.

“We won’t.”

“But you will, one day.”

“One day, yeah. But that won’t be for a long, long time,” you assure your little sister.

“How do you know?”

“Because, even when I tried to die, it didn’t work.”

“…What?”

“A bit after Sarah. Dad stopped me. It’s what made the mark on my forehead. I missed.”

“I’m glad you did.”

You smile, “yeah, I’m glad I did too.”

She falls asleep, glad to have met you people. Glad to have found a family.

When she almost drowns, you and Joel are panicking. No one is in control of the sitatuion. Your only thoughts are Ellie and making sure she doesn’t die.

You wake up in the hospital. Marlene visits you, and tells you the story she told Joel. But then, over the radio, you hear about Joel breaking out, and Marlene takes you with her, as “collateral,” she says. She does give you an “I’m sorry, kid” but it doesn’t mean anything.

When Joel gets out the elevator, Marlene has a gun to your head and you on your knees.

“This is your kid, Joel. Ellie won’t feeling anything, I promise.”

Joel pauses, and you see him hesitate for a moment.

A gun goes off twice. One with it being held in the air, the other into Marlene’s stomach.

You keep it pointed at her, put Joel then comes back, and holds out his hand, “go check on Ellie.” He knows what the darkness can do to you.

You nod, going to the car and putting her head on your lap.

She wakes up to you, and you smile down at her.

When Joel tells the lie, she looks at you, searching for any sign of bullshit. She does find some, but doesn’t say anything.

The three of yo arrive at Jackson, more alive than ever.

You give her a boost up to Joel when the log falls, then they both help you up. She jokes at you feeling your age one thirty-something when you put a hand to your back.

She then confides in your both about Riley. And swears you both to tell her that what you said was true.

You both do, and try to help her with her guilt over her friends’ deaths.

She knows your lying, but buries it. She knows she has also lied to you at being able to fully keep her innocence. But, that’s just part of growing up, she supposes.

She has you now. A support system. And she doesn’t like the lie. But you two have to each other and her sometimes on the journey, but your care for each other is real. So, she says the only thing she can think of to keep this bond going.

“Ok.”

[mariatesstruther]

I honestly don't get why Maria was so anti-Joel oh he's a horrible person he's done horrible things he can't be around us, but accepted Tommy fully to the point he's the father of her child when both did the same things, ran with the same people and all of that.

I mean I love the character, but that confuses the hell out of me. Why's Tommy accepted but Joel damned?

okay, so… this response took me like half hour to write. my wrists hurt, my jaw is clenched, my brain is hot. i love u anon thank u very much for this chance to vent about just why my girl maria has been so misunderstood. let’s go

i personally think this is where many people fundamentally misunderstand maria’s perception of joel. she’s not cautious of him primarily because of tommy or anything tommy has said, in my personal opinion—she’s cautious of him for and because of ellie

ive said this on my blog a few times and i think so have @steeb-stn and @clickergossip (and maybe @liveandletcry23 and @bumblepony i have a shit memory so tagging just in case) so im gonna tag them to credit their words and ideas about maria as well, but the FIRST time maria sees joel, he’s with this rando twelve year old girl who he is seemingly so protective over that she cant even be sniffed by dogs who are just trying to detect infection, which would be good for ANYBODY. that’s his first strike for untrustworthyness, because why the fuck wouldn’t he let this girl be tested???—we know why, of course, but maria doesnt. shes working on the very limited info about joel/ellie’s relationship that she has from just her own observations, and i think we need to remember that as we go through analyzing why she moves how she moves

shes knows from tommy at this point is that joel had a daughter, but it is definitely not this little girl. so why the fuck are they so close. what have they gone through. are they okay. is ellie okay. is their relationship safe for her??? THAT’s what she’s thinking about, in my opinion, while shes staring joel down at that dinner table. she’s reasonbly suspicious, and i can’t blame her for it.

i had to cut this it’s literally maybe my longest post ever so. heres the cut

ALSO, it’s not like she’s a straight up bitch to joel like some of y’all seem to make it out to be??? she never says or implies that “they can’t be around” or anything like that. she offers them clothes and food and supplies. she sets them up in a house. before dinner, she gives them a personal tour (which, to be fair, she did because she was probably trying to keep an eye on them and figure out more about whether or not ellie is safe, but who wouldnt???? i know tess would! and yall would love her for it!). tommy literally says to joel before they leave that there will always be a place for him and ellie in jackson—you cannot tell me you believe he said so without already have maria’s green light for joel and ellie to stay

ALSO, i wanna consider some other things that i haven’t seen many ppl talk about. on that walk she takes with tommy and joel and ellie, she makes it sound like tommy has been with them for at least years AND she maintains the confidence to say that residents in jackson stay off the radio—i could totally be wrong, but it seems to me from the look tommy and joel share right after that it’s obvious tommy has been talking to joel BEHIND MARIA’S BACK???? did no one else catch that??? am i misinterpreting big time??? id assume because theyre married and from the way tommy talks about jackson that he’s been in jackson for at least 3 years maybe, and we know that he only stopped radioing joel a couple months before the show’s main plotline starts, so timeline wise there had to be some overlap of tommy still radioing joel from/around jackson. idk if anyone of my mutuals has thoughts on this but i personally think it’s important to point out, because it establishes that maria likely doesn’t know or think tommy and joel kept in contact, at least not as recently as up to some months ago. she knows that tommy and joel are close, but at the same time, she doesn’t think tommy really knows or talks to joel anymore, either. so how is she supposed to extend him any trust as tommy’s brother????? how and why would she give this man any benefit of the doubt???? it wouldn’t make any sense. she’s more practical and discerning than she is naive and kind, and y’all can think what y’al want about that but i love her for it. it’s very necessary for a woman like her to be the way she is

okay, so back to your question. back to why joel is “damned” and tommy is “accepted.” let’s talk about joel for a sec

y’all like to babygirl and idolize the absolute fuck out of this man

we know that not only was he a smuggler, but he killed and tricked and took advantage of people, shamelessly and brutally. we know that tommy did so too. maria knows that tommy has done the same things. maria also knows that tommy left that life because he couldnt do it anymore, and joel continued because he could

point blank period!!!!! yall can argue with me all u want but tommy left that murder life and joel did not. im not saying this makes either brother good or bad or better than the other, i love joel sm and i think both of them have an undisputed capability to do unspeakable things in order to survive. but tommy got to a point where he hit a limit, whereas joel doesn’t seem to have one. this is at least my personal interpretation of their conversations in the game and the show

tommy DID join the fireflies, which we all know now is not any fucking better than whatever the fuck joel was doing—the difference is the reasoning, though, and considering tlou is all about reasoning and the why, we need to consider the reasoning behind tommy’s decision: he wanted to do something better, something good, something he thought had a purpose. we all know now that the fireflies are bullshit, their purpose is bullshit, and they’re willingness to kill a child for the sake of the “cure” is it’s own entire paradox of bullshit. but they were a rebel organization fighting fedra, who fucking suck, and probably had somewhat of a better reputation back when tommy was interested in joining—or maybe they didn’t, to be fair, i don’t know! the point is, tommy went to them seeking some sort of better purpose, some type of redeption; in joel’s own fucking words, “tommy’s what we used to call a joiner. had dreams of becoming a hero... wants to save the world.”

tommy is idealistic. he’s romantic. he’s optimistic, almost to the point of being fucking naive. thats why he enlisted in the army, thats why he enlisted in the fireflies—he wanted to feel good about himself and the world he was living in. he needed it to have some light at the end of the tunnel for all the bullshit to make sense. and yeah, he was wrong both times in joining up. we know that, joel knew that while it was happening, and tommy knows that in retrospect, too. i think jackson is the first place he really found true, real purpose—not the kind that is propagandized to you and goes up in smoke, but the kind that is well and truly earned. that’s why he is so loyal to jackson and to maria—they finally gave him was he desperately spent his life searching for

and im just saying, from maria’s perspective, she’s someone who lives for purpose. she lives for jackson and for it’s people and for it’s future, and she has to maintain some sense of idealism in the face of all that fucking ugliness to be able to mentally live im and run a place like jackson, to believe that it’ll work. i think that idealism she has, she sees reflected in tommy’s desperation to be a better person who’s fighting for a better life. she sees that need for redemption and goodness in him, that need for things to be fucking worth it, and hears she hears it in his story. she gets to relate to him with this in a way she doesnt GET TO RELATE with joel YET (we STILL HAVE TIME PEOPLE. WE HOLDIN OUT STRONG FOR THE JOEL AND MARIA BEST FRIEND AGENDA)

but to continue, THEN maria spends YEARS with tommy, getting to know him, getting to know his guilt. just like tess with joel, she’s sees the worst and the best of him and gets to fall in love with all of it. so of course there’s gonna be a bit of a bias and a blindspot, towards him—just like any of are other characters have weak spots for the people THEY fucking love

so that’s i guess why i think tommy is “accepted” by her, i guess, and there’s honestly way more them and their romance that i could make a whole separate post about but i’ll leave it there for now. back to joel and why he’s “damned,” which i don’t think he is

again, from what maria knows, he made an active CHOICE to stay in the lifestyle of smuggling and murdering and QZ bullshit, even after tommy chose to leave—and idk what y’all imagine joel and tess to be doing in those many years on their own, but it’s not fuckin picking flowers, for me. they’re dangerous, dangerous people—more dangerous that fedra, and more dangerous than the fireflies, if we’re being fucking real about it. and we LOVE tess and joel for this, or at least i do

but jackson is not a place where people get by with smuggling or backstreet deals or threats. it’s not supposed to be that place. we all LOVE jackson in fics and hcs and aus because it’s literally a place where joel and ellie finally get to breathe and not worry about their safety/survival first. and you know who keeps jackson that way????? MARIA. AND HE BEING FUCKING PICKING ABOUT WHO JACKSON LETS THE FUCK INSIDE

so yall just expect her to by YIPPY SKIPPY when joel, THE JOEL THE SUPER SMUGGLER MURDER COWBOY, strolls into town????? WITHOUT TESS, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE MORE PERSONABLE AND REASONABLE ONE???? what????? she’d be crazy not to at least try to be a little intimidating, to make it clear to joel that he will not get away with any of that qz bullshit here. she’d be naive not to, and maria is anything but naive

and i know most people don’t like her for that “a bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad” “not always, at least” line, but i actually think it really fits so well in establishing that she’s not afraid of joel, not afraid of challenging him or making him own up to things he’s done. it’s just so so cool to me, i just can’t hate her for that????? she’s establishing with him that she knows what tommy knows about his time in the QZ, and she’s letting him know if that joel shows up here in jackson, there will be fucking problems for him. which i think is a completely fair warning????

so let’s continue. let’s talk about The Scene, the one with her and ellie, the one with the “tommy was following joel” line. ONE thing i’d like to point out about this scene—MARIA IS THE ONE TO TELL ELLIE ABOUT SARAH, NOT JOEL. AND THAT IS A BIG BIG BIG REASON FOR WHY SHE WARNS ELLIE NOT TO TRUST JOEL COMPLETELY

we know what joel and ellie have gone through, at this point, but maria has barely any idea. she sees that ellie has this fierce protectiveness and lots of secrets when it comes to her and joel, which like—can we all be fucking objective here for a second. this can SO easily and SO reasonably be interpreted as something sketchy going on between joel and ellie that maria should be concerned about.

(slight tw about older men-younger woman relationships bc im gonna be personal for a sec, its quick) we don’t know maria’s past or what she has seen or been through, but personally as someone who has been in a situation where an older man has taken advantage of my naivety in the past, i am now extremely hyper vigilant when it comes to young girls around older men in my personal life today. ellie and joel’s situation and how it looks would raise MJAOR red flags for me personally, if i was in maria’s position. that’s just a personal perspective have that really affects the way i view this scene (end tw)

and so maria finds out that joel has kept the fact that HE HAD A WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER from ellie?????? WOULD THAT NOT BE SUS AT ALL TO YALL???? i mean we know why joel doesn’t tell ellie, as gameplayers and watchers of the show, but again. maria is operating on the info she has right in front of her, which is that joel has been omitting maybe the biggest fact of his life from this young girl who is willing to defend and trust him with her entire life, even after she finds out she’s being lied to. this is alarming

so at this point, she’s questioning joel’s intentions with ellie, and in my opinion, it’s not at all unreasonable for her to do so. she then continues to press, because the red flags are flying and she wants ellie to be crystal clear on the kind of man she’s traveling with (“there are CLEARLY things you don’t know about joel” — “so then you understand my concerns”)

AND THEN ELLIE. BLESSED SMART AMAZING ELLIE COMES IN WITH THE DEFENSE—“and tommy did it too, are you worried about him?”—which like, i love this line. i love this moment. i think because i go so hard for maria a lot of y’all think i’m blind to when ellie is making points, but i 100% cheered her on when i first watched this scene, like i’m sure y’all did—because it’s true! it’s fair! if maria is going to judge joel for those things, she needs to extend the same judgement to tommy

the thing is, it’s still fucking true that, as i said earlier, tommy left that life. both the smuggling, and the fireflies—he chose to stop, while joel didn’t—he was smuggling literally up until the day him and tess found ellie, so. there’s that. she continues to judge joel and not tommy because she knows for sure that tommy has changed. she doesn’t know joel enough yet to see that he has changed, too

so then, the dreaded line: “tommy was following joel.” let’s talk about it.

i don’t love this line either, tbh! i think it’s a weak defense on maria’s part, and a weak line on the tlou hbo writers part—probably my least favorite line of maria’s overall. but i do get why she says it, and i kind of think i get the purpose??? i think????

it reminds me a lot of joel’s line, earlier, about tommy being a “joiner,” and i think it’s funny that, as opposite as joel and maria like to think they both are to each other, the way they describe tommy is pretty much the same. tommy is a “joiner” to joel and a “follower” to maria, and in all respects they both love and hate him for it. idk where i’m going with that exactly, just something interesting to think about in terms of the joel and maria best friend agenda

but i also think this line get’s taken out of context a lot, because the full line is “tommy was following joel, the way you are now.” maria says this line to lead into her main point, the really fucking important line in this scene: “be careful who you put your faith in. the only ones who can betray us, are the one’s we trust.”

WHICH IS TRUE. IT IS THE POINT. AND WHEN JOEL LIES TO ELLIE, HIDES SOMETHING FROM HER YET AGAIN at the end of the season/game, IT BECOMES A THEMATIC CLIMAX POINT THAT CONNECTS BOTH OF THE GAMES

maria is not saying this to “damn” joel—and i personally don’t think she is “damning” joel in the way you imply here, as there’s definitely potential for them to develop a relationship in s2 once she has more information about the truth of how he thinks of ellie. i think she’s warning ellie not to trust joel, because she doesn’t trust joel, at the end of the fucking day—and that’s about it. she trusts tommy in a way that she can’t quite trust joel yet, and why would she, at this point? it would make no sense for her to

so y’all can blame her and hate her for her distrust all you guys want (btw not necessarily talking to you, anon, ive just gotten some very nasty asks about maria from others so im talking to them rn!!!!!!!), but i’m sorry—you can’t tell me that it doesn’t at least make sense. she’s MARIA. she’s MADE OF SENSE

[stranger-fanfiction-n-things]

CHAPTER 7: THE BATHTUB

This is an Original Character fanfiction. All Stranger Things characters and content are owned by Netflix and The Duffer Brothers.

a/n: I can't believe we only have two more episodes left! Thank you all for your patience! Let me know what y'all think. I read everything and respond!

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3252

Masterlist

PART I || PART II ||

HAWKINS POLICE STATION – CHERRY STREET

As soon as I open the front door, a gust of cold wind blows and I shiver, wrapping my arms around myself to keep warm. The cool air feels nice on my skin despite the cold. I wish I wore a jacket instead of a plaid shirt. I look around trying to figure out where I should go. I can’t walk too far away from the station in case Chief Hopper comes back. I decide to go left up Cherry Street. The series of unfortunate events leading up to this moment all play out in my head and I rub my temples trying to ease the dull pulsating ache. 

Today, Jonathan, Nancy and I started to forge a plan to kill the monster and find Will and Barb. How will we find them in that place? How will we find the tree? It closed after Jonathan pulled me out of it. I can’t imagine how alone and scared Barb must be inside that place by herself. It’s been days since I last saw her and with the police thinking she left town; they won’t try finding her. The Hollands. I blink back tears, flaring my nostrils to keep them from falling. I hope they don’t think badly of Nancy and I for lying. I feel like we owe it to them to find Barb and bring her back. I wipe my tears with the back of my hand, sniffing softly.

There are still so many loose ends to tie up like where can we lure the monster if not in the forest where it lives? How do we have the upper hand in killing the monster? Hawkins is a small town, there is nowhere to put this thing without drawing attention to ourselves especially now that we are on the radar of cops. I let out a noise of frustration, stomping on the ground. How are we going to execute the plan now? Nancy and I can’t leave Jonathan at the station. What if they put him in jail? 

If it weren’t for Tommy, Carol, Nicole and Steve, we would be able to properly plan.

This all happened because Jonathan was in Nancy’s room? There’s no doubt in my mind that they weren’t doing anything compromising. How could they after what happened? Nancy almost died last night. If it weren’t for Jonathan who knows what could have happened to her—to me. Also, Nancy liked Steve too much to do anything that could jeopardize her relationship with him. The voice in the back of my head questions: But what about Jonathan? 

As if you didn’t know from the start, Sinclair! It would explain why you’re always protecting the pervert.

I frown pushing strands of hair away from my face. It’s clear Steve and Jonathan do not like each other. I thought it was because of stupid boy ego and bravado. Both boys can be arrogant. It explains why they clash. But I feel unsettled by what Steve said in the alley. As if you didn’t know from the start. He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t believe it to be true, would he? 

Only love makes you that crazy, sweetheart. And that damn stupid. 

I don’t agree with what Flo said to Nancy and I about Jonathan’s reasons for fighting back in the alley, but with all that has happened this week, all that was said, especially in the forest about believing Nancy was “trying to be someone else” yet doing what every other suburban girl does, rebel until the phase passes and end up marrying “some boring one-time jock who now works sales, and live out a perfectly boring life at the end of a cul-de-sac”. I didn’t realize it back then, but now that I think about it, Jonathan was talking about Steve. I stop walking and look around. It’s like everything clicked and that unsettling feeling became stronger, heavier. 

Does Jonathan like Nancy? 

My brain feels like a tangled web of confusion. How did I not notice it before? The signs are all there. It was all subtle and platonic in the moment, but the more I think about it, the more obvious it seems. I laugh in disbelief shaking my head. 

This is such a mess.  

I shiver against the strong gust of wind whooshing in my ear and tuck my chin into my chest, continuing to walk. Neither Jonathan or Steve hid their dislike for each other. Part of me regrets standing up for Steve yesterday, especially after today. But the argument in the forest was about Jonathan taking those photos. It always comes down to that stupid lapse in judgement. Though I don’t agree with Steve breaking Jonathan’s camera, I understand why he did it. To protect Nancy’s honour and to protect himself. As I told Jonathan, Steve’s privacy was violated too. All of ours were. What Jonathan did was gross and Steve did what he thought was best. Steve had a right to be upset. 

He just takes it too far.

Breaking Jonathan’s camera, the marquee, the awful things he said to both Nancy and Jonathan. I know Steve is hurt. I saw it in his eyes. From his perspective the optics aren’t great. He did what he thought was right in the moment to protect Nancy, checked up on her to see if she was okay, only to find Nancy in her room with Jonathan, the boy he was trying to protect her from. I get it, but the rigmarole after. Unacceptable. 

Steve wanted that fight with Jonathan back in the alley and Jonathan was ready to give him that fight. A chill runs down my spine. The sound of skin hitting skin replays in my head. The power behind every punch still scares me. For as long as I’ve known Jonathan, he’s been a quiet, somewhat brooding person who often kept to himself. He doesn’t bother nor really talk to anyone. It was always him and his camera. It’s why the way he was fighting Steve concerned me. 

Even though our little brothers are best friends, this week has been the most I have ever spoken to Jonathan. We’ve exchanged a few words when I helped him with his photography project, but other than that, we rarely crossed paths. I am aware of his home life based on what Lucas would say during dinner about Will not being able to come over to hang out with the rest of the boys because he’s spending time with his dad. Based on his tone alone, it’s clear Will is uncomfortable around him. At the funeral, I remember observing the way he was acting. There was something sly about Mr. Byers because I haven’t seen or heard about him until Will’s funeral. It’s clear he isn’t present in both boys lives because Jonathan doesn’t know how to tie a tie. Even when Steve was saying horrible things about his dad, Jonathan didn’t flinch. 

“Excuse me, sorry,” I say, pushing past a couple standing in the middle of the street. 

He didn’t do anything until Steve started saying terrible things about Miss Byers and Will. I looked in his eyes, that flash of rage, but it was too late. Jonathan’s punches were direct and intentional…familiar almost. Where did he learn to fight? Did his dad teach him? Or was Jonathan used to having to protect himself all the time? Even though our unlikely alliance came out of something tragic, I like being around him. I care about him. I puff out my cheeks, running my fingers through my hair. There was so much I needed to talk to Jonathan about. 

HAWKINS CINEMA

My feet come to a stop in front of the building that started it all. I stare up at the large marquee feeling many different emotions all at once. Shock. Disgust. Anger. Disappointment. It’s been almost 45 minutes since I first saw the horrible display of affection and though there wasn’t a crowd circling Hawkins Cinema to see the spectacle, the bright red letters still commanded attention. 

NANCY THE SLUT WHEELER

How did we get here? The question has been burning a hole in my brain all morning. I scowl at Tommy’s messy handwriting. That boy is the absolute worse. The unsettling image of Tommy watching me from afar makes me sick to my stomach. It’s one thing to pick on me, but to follow me around and loathe me for talking to someone who has been nothing but kind to me. I clench my hands into fists, grinding my teeth against each other. The perception people have of Eddie is starting to annoy me and I can’t help but feel protective of him. He’s not like anyone in town and I can relate to that. Being different. Eddie makes it look easy and I love that about him. I envy that about him as well. 

From the corner of my eye, I see a tall person and glance in their direction. Realizing who it is, I scoff shaking my head. You’ve got to be kidding me.

“Sinclair?” 

I ignore Steve walking fast back down Cherry Street.

“Hey, wait!” Steve shouts. I keep my head down avoiding the confused stares of bystanders.

“Sinclair!”

I press my lips together feeling the bubbling anger in my stomach rise to my chest. Sinclair? Who does he think he is, calling me Sinclair. As if I’m a teammate on the basketball team. He knows my name. I look around ready to cross the street when I feel Steve run up beside me.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” He pants, holding his side. 

“No.” I say looking anywhere to avoid looking at him. When the coast is clear I jog across the street. 

“Please,” Steve huffs jogging beside me. “Just hear me out.” 

“No.” 

“Look, I just want to apologize.” 

I roll my eyes, snorting in disbelief. “Again? Save it. I don’t need an apology because I know you’re going to do something for it to not mean anything.”

“Oh, c’mon, Sinclair—”

I whip around so fast Steve flinches as my hair hits him across his chest. “Don’t call me that!” I snap, glaring angrily at him. “Don’t talk to me. Don’t look at me. Don’t say anything! Leave me alone!” 

Steve’s brows shoot up in surprise. As suspected looking at Jonathan’s swollen knuckles, the entire left side of his face is battered and bruised. From the split on his left brow, the bridge of his nose and right side of his lip in addition to all the dry blood smeared and crusting around his face, Jonathan got him good. I would’ve been more horrified and compassionate if it weren’t for what he did to get beaten and how rude and impolite he is to me right now. 

I walk pass him continuing down Cherry Street. The nerve of him. I am not one of his loyal followers. I am not his friend, especially after what he did and said back in the alley. I perk up feeling another wave of anger build in me. Jonathan, Nancy and I had to be escorted to the police station while, Tommy, Carol, Nicole and Steve got off scot-free when they were the ones causing the problems in the first place. No one has been accounted for that disgusting sign, yet Jonathan is literally handcuffed for defending himself.

I am sick and tired of people being terrible and getting a slap on the wrist because of their popularity. I turn around, stomping back to Steve who hadn’t moved from his spot, staring wide eyed and confused at the building of Hawkins Post. 

“I don’t know what that was or who you think you are,” I continue. “But if the person I saw back there is the real you. I will make sure Nancy stays far, far away. That I promise you, Harrington.” I threaten. Steve opens his mouth to respond but I cut him off quick. “Do you know how traumatic this is for her?” 

“Traumatic?” Steve shouts, staring at me in disbelief. “She cheated on me!” 

“No, she didn’t!” I shout back, defending my best friend. Nancy wouldn’t do that. She likes him too much. “You only caught a glimpse of something and ran with it.” 

“You didn’t see what I saw, Sin—” Steve’s words die in his throat. I squint, daring him to call me by my last name again. Steve shifts to lean on one leg, putting one hand on his hip and takes a deep breath, pinching the bridge between his nose with his other. He winces slightly, dropping his hand to his other hip and glares down at me. “They were sitting on her bed and he had—he had his arm around her.” 

I blink waiting for more information. Steve stares back at me waiting for my response. I frown. “That’s it?” 

“Yes!” He throws his hands up in annoyance. 

“That’s why you’re upset?”

Steve groans out of frustration, combing his fingers through his hair. “I know what I saw and I know what Nancy did!” 

“Did you ever stop and think maybe Nancy was confiding in Jonathan because they both lost someone important to them? Is that too hard to believe?” Steve scoffs shaking his head. “If you really believed she cheated on you, instead of running to Tommy, Carol, and Nicole, knowing how they are, why didn’t you just call Nancy and talk to her!” 

“I saw what I saw.” Steve says. His voice is quiet and even, but the anger and hurt in his eyes remain. “There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“So, because there’s ‘nothing to talk about’,” I use air quotes, mocking him. “You decided to slut-shame Nancy in front of the entire town.” I yell, extending an arm out, pointing with disdain at the source of irritation. “You’re sick!” I hiss, pointing at him before turning away.

“That was all Tommy, not me!” Steve yells. “I didn’t write that about Nancy!” 

I turn around rushing toward him. “But you didn’t stop Tommy from doing it and that’s always been my issue with you!” I cry, lifting my hands up in the air. “You never stop it. You never do anything. You stand there and let it happen!” Steve jerks his head back, drawing his brows together. I drop my hands down to my sides. “Whether you like it or not, everything falls back on you because you’re King Steve. You have this—this persona to uphold and you cannot choose when it does and does not apply to you because it always does!” 

“I didn’t ask to be King Steve.” Steve says between clenched teeth.  

“You look fine when you’re reaping the benefits when it serves you.” I point out. “But when something like this happens, when your back is against the wall, now it’s I didn’t ask to be King Steve? Give me a break!” Steve avoids eye contact, clenching his teeth until I see the tick in his jaw. “It’s so frustrating to see you act the way you do when you're around Tommy and Carol or any one of your stupid jock friends because I know that’s not you and deep down,” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “I know you know it too. I know you know better. You’re not like them, Steve.” 

Steve’s eyes lock with mines. The lines between his brows smoothen and I see that look again, the one I saw briefly in the alley. I stare up at him, swiping my tongue along my bottom lip and shake my head, looking up at the sky.

“Believe it or not, I think your better than them. You can be such a jerk—an asshole even, but you are better than them.” I speak softly, looking back at him. “Every time I start to think ‘maybe Steve Harrington isn’t that bad. Maybe he’s actually a good person’. You do something to make me take back my words and I feel foolish enough to believe you can be.” 

Steve draws his brows in sadly. His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “I am a good person.” He murmurs. 

“Are you?” I challenge, pointing at the marquee again. “Is that who you are? Is that who you want to be?” 

“I—” Steve trails off unsure of what to say. 

I drop my hand, crossing my arms above my chest to keep warm. I’m not wearing a proper jacket or any jacket; just a plaid shirt. 

“I know you’re embarrassed by the pictures.” I begin, swiping strands of hair out of my face as a gust of wind blows in our direction. “You were in them and your privacy was invaded just as much as Nancy’s. I promise you; I do not condone what Jonathan did and he knows that. It was disgusting and stupid. I’ve had that conversation with him. However, that is no excuse to say all those things about him and his family. I know you’re hurt because of Nancy, but, Jesus, Steve.” I look down at my shoes, kicking a pebble onto the road. 

“I didn’t mean it.” 

“You wanted that fight with Jonathan, admit it.” His silence is enough to confirm my sentiment. I shake my head. 

“You do realize he buried his brother yesterday, don’t you? His brother. My little brother’s best friend was buried yesterday and we still—” I stop, trying to catch my breath. I put my hand on my chest blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. “We still can’t find Barb.” 

“Have you heard anything from the cops?” Steve asks. I don’t respond right away looking at the blood stains on his shirt. Flashes of the monster in the woods, eating that deer appear in my mind and I close my eyes trying to rid it from my memory.

“Diana.” My eyebrows twitch and I open my eyes. Steve is looking at me with such intensity my breathing becomes shallow. This is the first time Steve has said my name. The first time acknowledging me as a person, not just Nancy’s best friend. The way he says my name…the yearning in his voice. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, Steve licks his bottom up shifting uncomfortably back and forth. “Please.” He begs. “I know something’s wrong. It’s—It’s why I went over to Nancy’s in the first place.” He sighs in defeat. “I just want to help.”

Part of me believes him. The part of me who believes Steve is a good person. I want to tell him what happened to Nancy and I last night in the forest, about Jonathan saving us from near-death. I want to tell him about the police finding Barbs car at a bus station. I want to tell him everything…but I look at the marquee again. I can’t get too close to Steve. Suddenly becoming hyper aware of how close Steve and I were to each other. I blink, taking a step back creating space between us. Steve moves to take a step toward me, but decides against it. I fix my posture, shaking my head. 

“You can’t.” I say coldly, walking backwards and away from him. “You seriously need to figure out how to express your emotions because I don’t know how you come back from this. I really don’t. If I were Nancy, I would never want to see or speak to you again.” 

NEXT -> PART II

Taglist 🤍: @tinydramatist

[whiskeybeforesunset]

Ghosts Part 2 | Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x GN!Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

Synopsis: Reader is with Joel and Ellie as they continue their stay in Jackson. As always, slow burn. Bittersweet talks and heated arguments. Maybe a bit of a different kind of heat as a treat. 

Warnings: Arguing, Joel enters a room before knocking as sees the Reader somewhat undressed (think swimsuit), with that Reader’s body is mentioned but no specific details are given, out of character Joel, shamefully little about Ellie in this chapter.

Author’s note **IMPORTANT PLEASE READ**: For those who have enjoyed the story so far, I’m wondering if you have a preference on how I handle the events of Episode 8. I understand the importance of that darker storyline, and that some readers may prefer it remain in this adaptation. However, I don’t believe Ellie’s SA is necessary in what is meant to be a love story. There are also several logistical issues as to how Ellie may have been captured if there was still an adult able to hunt for/protect her. Right now, my favorite alternative is either Joel or the Reader having a bad case of the flu (fever so high they could die), so there’s still a potential danger without having to include that particular storyline. Plus, everyone loves a good sick fic. Let me know if you guys might enjoy that, if you have any additional thoughts I would love to hear them. 

Previous Chapter, Next Chapter

___

The heaviness between you and Joel dissipates as the lights sputter back on and voices around you begin to discuss the movie. Tommy suggests you and Joel come over to theirs for a late night drink, but Joel swiftly declines and begins to make his way towards the nearest exit. You give Tommy a sympathetic shrug before following Joel outside. 

You step out into the cold night air just in time to see Ellie swiftly making her way back to the house, at least you hope that’s where she’s going. She just needs some alone time, you tell yourself. It’s not like she has much of an opportunity for it traveling across the country. He seems to consider following her, but slows his pace upon noticing the familiar tree in his path.

“Y’know,” you say, slightly out of breath as you jog up to be beside him. “I was thinking about taking the scenic route back. He peers at you through the corner of his eye. Looking back up to where Ellie was last visible he exhales slowly, creating a puff of steam as he does so.

“You’re welcome to join me, if you’d like.” He accepts your offer with a short nod, and follows as you turn and begin the alternative path to your temporary home. 

In the absence of the bustling movie-goers, a silence once again falls over you. Looking at Joel, you notice his eyebrows are set in a way that makes him look more irritated than usual. Who knew that was even possible? Still, there was something about him that was just so… striking. Not in that way, because Joel is well, Joel… right? But still, you can’t deny the way the sparing lamp light accents his more rugged features. It certainly causes one’s imagination to-

Joel clears his throat and you suddenly become very aware of the fact that you are staring, and presumably have been doing so for a long time. You quickly swivel your head away from him, hoping the cold would provide a good enough cover for the pink on your cheeks.

“So,” you start, desperate to clear the thoughts at the top of your mind, “Maria seems like a good fit for Tommy.” He huffs out a laugh. The sound of your boots against gravel count out the seconds in which you wait for a longer response from him. 

“Well, I think it’s sweet.” A small smile comes to your face at the idea of your friend being able to live a fulfilling life in Jackson.

“Sweet, huh?” Joel asks, not so much denying the label as he is surprised that you’re saying it.

“Yeah I mean, it’s nice to know there’s a chance of ending up with something like that. Even in this world.” You elaborate.

“I didn’t think you the type,” he looks at you and says with a slightly amused tone. 

“Yeah, well,” you return his gaze. “With the right person of course.” You both stay like that for a moment, your eyes glance at his lips as he opens and closes them, debating whether or not to say something. 

“What about you?” You hesitantly ask, immediately regretting it as Joel turns his head to face forward again. Although you briefly wonder if you had really said anything at all due to his lack of response. You’re eyes still on him, you watch his face shift through emotions. 

“I, uh,” he pauses looking down at the gravel path. “I reckon I’m passed that sort of thing now, not really an option anymore.” He turns his heading, as if to avoid your reaction. 

“Oh,” is the final word said as you two conclude your walk to the house silently.

Upon entering you remember your plan to talk to Ellie, but decide against it when you see Joel heading for the room she’s staying in. It’s probably for the best, he’s always better at talking her down anyways. You sigh, and decide you’ll finish off this very confusing day with a hot shower. Might as well while you can, right?

…

Turning the shower head off, you notice yelling you hadn’t previously made out through the water splashing on tile. 

You make your way out of the bathroom and into the adjoining bedroom, trying to catch snippets of the argument as you dry off and begin to get dressed. A door slams and loud footsteps make their way up the stairs. 

You make a mental note to check in on the two of them -separately- sometime tomorrow. However, this plan is scratched as Joel bursts through the door. 

“Oh,” Joel’s rage-filled face quickly fills with embarrassment and something you can’t quite make out as his eyes scan over your body. “Sorry, I, um-” he stutters out, turning so that he's perpendicular to the doorway. 

“It’s fine, Joel.” You offer him a reassuring smile as a blush comes over your face. After all, he didn’t see anything he wouldn’t have seen at a public pool back in the day. Even if the context is a bit more… intimate. 

“Tell me, what’s so important that you had to immediately come and speak to me.” You say in a joking tone, grabbing something to finish covering yourself up. Joel turns to you, eyes slightly unfocused. His brain yet to recover from the unexpected scene discovered upon his entrance. 

“That one sounded a bit more heated than normal.” You add, hoping to jog his memory.

“What? Oh, yes. Yes. We uh,” his gaze hardens as he regains his composure, also taking a moment to close the door. “We need to talk.”

“Okay.” You respond, taking a seat on the edge of the bed and adjusting to his more serious tone. 

“Look, I think it might be best if going forward you take Ellie alone.” Your eyes quickly look up at him. He remains standing near the entrance of the room, arms crossed and face turned slightly to avoid your gaze. 

“What?” You say, blinking rapidly as your mouth finally catches up to your brain. It feels like it’s processing a million thoughts per second.

“This last month, all I’ve learned is how weak I’ve become.” Joel says, bringing a hand to his creased brow.

“What are you talking about?” You challenge, unable to understand how he came to this conclusion. 

“Tess.” At the mention of her name, the room goes quiet. “If it wasn’t for me she…” he sighed and began pacing around the small room. 

“What happened in Kansas City, I’m too slow and deaf. Christ, if you weren’t there.” Joel takes a deep breath before continuing. “She’s only 14, and all I’ve done so far is put her in further danger. And you…” You shake your head saying his name to begin to dispel what he is saying but he cuts you off.

“I’m weak.” He says quietly.

“You are not weak.” You respond at a similar volume.

“Lately there are these moments… like earlier today,” he states, finally sparing you a glance. “That’s not the first time it’s happened, it’s just the first time you’ve seen it.” 

The room goes quiet as you process this new information. Joel comes to sit next to you at the foot of the bed.

“I have these dreams,” he says shakily. “I don’t know what happens in them, I can’t remember. I just know that when I wake up, I’ve lost something.”

Cool water drips from your hair and onto your neck, dampening your shirt. You sit in shock, unsure of how to respond.

“I’m failing in my sleep. It’s all I do, it’s all I’ve ever done is fail her.”

“You’re not-” you start, but as you turn to look at him you are met with a teary eyed glare, begging you not to continue. You close your eyes and rub two fingers against your temple, questioning the events that have brought you to this point, sighing as you lay back on the bed.

“She likes you more.” You say casually as you stare at the ceiling, changing the topic slightly but still remaining on subject.

“No she doesn’t.” Joel says in a dejected voice. You heard a rustling of fabric as your averted gaze allows for Joel to wipe his tears without feeling judged.

“Yes she does.” You state matter-of-factly.

“Trust me, after the… talk we just had, no she doesn’t.” He says sharply. You stare at the motionless ceiling fan debating whether or not to ask.

“What’d you say?” You question, curiosity getting the better of you.

“Same thing I told you.” He says in an exhausted tone. 

“Well, I can see why she might hate you then.” You say half joking. He turns his head to glare at you but doesn’t respond. “What’d she say?”

“She… she said she wasn’t Sarah.” His response causes you to sit up.

“She knows about Sarah?” You ask, he nods in response. You sit for a minute trying to form a response, before you can, Joel speaks again.

“She won’t want me there. You’ll be fine, better, without me.” He says as he begins to stand up.

“Well what if I want you there?” You say, standing to your feet. The exclamation surprises you as much as it does him. He turns back to look at you. You feel your face begin to tighten as the reality of the situation begins to settle in. You aren’t a fool, you know what happens if you leave alone with Ellie tomorrow. By the time you return to Jackson, Joel will be long gone. You’ll have no way of getting in contact or finding him again. If he goes now, you know it’s goodbye. 

“What if I need you?” You say, embarrassed by the wavering in your voice. The light from the bedside lamp reflects his dark eyes. His hand reaches forward momentarily, before returning to his side, balling up into a fist. 

“Tommy’ll meet you at the stables tomorrow morning.” He says, not acknowledging your words as he looks at the wooden floor boards below. “They’ll be a horse ready for you.” Joel quickly exists before you can reply. You feel a rise in your gut as the slammed door echoes throughout the room.

“God dammit!” You yell, throwing your bag across the room. 

Your anger fades observing your scattered belongings. Deep torrid breaths become shorter and more broken as you feel tears start to form in your eyes. Your throat tightens and you suppress a hiccup from escaping. 

You bite your lip and shake your head, wiping the tears away. Crawling into bed, you tell yourself you don’t have the liberty to be upset over disagreements with your now ex… companion. You have a job to do, keep the kid safe, get her where she needs to go. That’s what’s important, you reassure yourself before turning off the light. 

Sleep does not come easy though, as the events of the day replay in your head. You shift onto your back and stare at the shadows running across the ceiling, unable to keep the image of Joel’s heart broken eyes out of your mind. 

[skullsnbruises]

hi!,,, helloo i am here trying to expand my relationships w people in the fandom. .....so far i have been very lazy about it. BUT!,,, i like your nah au :3

so i have some questions. like. assuming you're still into the mcyt stuffs ✨

also my question mark is completely broken for some reason atm so don't mind me eueueu (the '/'s are the question marks now. rip.)

roughly how tall are the sbi in this/

does anyone blame wilbur for what he did to sally/ like how did her family react (if he even told them) and in turn how did phil (or even techno or tommy) guide him through that guilt (if that's a plausible scenario in this)

what's tubbo's stance on noms/ does he have any bad history, or perhaps he's just wary of tommy in general/ (cause i remember you mentioned tubbo was skeptic on how tommy had found out about that cult)

also,,,,, on the topic of the cult, who was all in it/ does it matter to the story in any way/

and then back to benchtrio. what is ranboo's stance on noms/ does he have any kind of history with them/

on the human side of things, is there anything like that one cult/ like a group of humans thinking that they're better than giants/

that's it for now! hope that you're still okay with au asks n such (no pressure to answer this/all of these!,,,, have a good day :DD

— brick

Hello Brick !! Sorry this is late, and I feel like we’ve kind of talked a little bit since you’ve sent this ask, but I’m answering anyway ofospdodj (you can add me on discord if you want ,,,)

For the NAW questions though!

How tall are SBI/giants?

For the sake on answering this question, Tommy as a human (these are based on hc) is 6’1. In NAW, he is a giant, so he is 61’. Basically, take the number and times by 10 (let me know if my math doesn’t check out lol)

Tommy is 61’, Phil is 58’, Wilbur is 66’5”, Techno is 63’5”. Besides that, specific heights aren’t too important, just the scale.

How did Wilbur handle the guilt with Sally? How did people react (if even told)?

Here’s the fun thing, Wilbur didn’t tell a single person what happened with Sally. That day, when he realized she was gone, he went through such a powerful wave of grief, and rationalized that he shouldn’t tell anyone. With this, he became extremely against noms and started playing into beliefs of “Humans and Giants should stay apart”

Sally’s parents assumed Wilbur had something to do with their daughters disappearance (being the only giant that went to her school, and because they have anti-giant views) but had no proof or logic to connect him to it. Since Sally’s body was never found, she’s still a missing persons, though the police are sure she’s dead with how much time has passed.

With Wilbur handling his guilt and feelings after, he kind of didn’t. He fell into a deep depression that he still struggles with when the main story is taking place, he developed a deep hatred for giantkind being among humans, he took up smoking, and overall wasn’t coping. Techno noticed and being the more emotionally mature one, he offered out his support to Wilbur, who never seemed receptive of it.

Tubbo’s views?

Oh boy, I love this ask specifically. Because, I have thought about this more than other aspects of the au. Tubbo is very suspicious of Tommy. They get along sure! But he’s always looking for Tommy to say the wrong thing, to slip up, to get too close. He’s very protective of Ranboo, as they’ve been best friends longer, and the way Ranboo and Tommy so easily click and get right along together makes Tubbo nauseous. His dad wasn’t good. But he went missing. The cops assured Tubbo that giants had some part in the matter, and Tubbo is very untrusting of them for that reason. And especially because Tommy has insider knowledge of the cult. While everyone celebrates Tommy and, honestly, treats him like he’s worth so much more than he is, Tubbo is wary and not to keen on him. Like exactly, how did Tommy know about this…?

The Devourer Cult

At this point in time, between all the characters I’m using up, I don’t exactly have a full list of who’s in the cult. It will be a part of the story at some point, hopefully, but right now not too much thought into this aspect lol,

Punz was the leader though

Ranboo’s Views!

another fun one to answer, Ranboo is very interested in noms. He didn’t previously know the concept of them with terms and everything, but he feels- what we can just call a human equivalent to giant instincts. Basically he clingy.

Ranboo wants to be nommed, and so when Tommy treats him like another person, and not lesser and smaller, and with how funny he is and great to talk to- he develops a vore crush realll fast. It’s all platonic feelings, tho

This goes heavily into the story and main plotline, so I won’t really discuss any further LOL

Is there a human version of the Devourers?

The general feeling in giantkind is that they want to be among humans. Since so many of them possess storages, many giants feel naturally positive towards humans! That’s why the Devourer Cults are a thing: “weird outcast giants who want to kill humans through cruel and unusual means” kinda weird

On the flip side, humans! The general feeling of humans towards giants is very negative. Most humans don’t like giants and don’t want a mixed society. Typical is all I’m saying.

So no there’s no cults of anti-giant and anti-integration on the human side, because it’s so common and normalized of a belief that it’s just assumed the average human agrees.

AAGH that was so much typing but I enjoyed it, thank you for the ask brick!!!! Take a cookie if u read all the way hehe

🍪

[evilspiritsgoneloose]

Deal with the Devil Pt.2

(Evil!Reader)

Requested by @sano-lost-connection <3

______ !Warning! Swear words, a maniac, pain, grammatical Errors (please just oversee them, if there are there)

Characters Mentioned Tommyinnit, Dream, Tubbo, Fundy, Qackity, Ranboo

Summary Can Tubbo save his friend from the Devil?

Word count 1626 ______ Masterlist | Part 1

Tubbo was currently in a meeting with Fundy and Quackity. Ranboo was just about to enter the Meeting when a Panting Dream rushed inside. He started his sentence with “Tommy… He’s in danger” Tubbo got alarmed “What do you mean with he’s gone” In the same second he got out the compass that always pointed towards him. It was now spinning wildly in circles. His fave was painted in fear. Tubbo noticed how shocked and out of breath Dream was. It must be very dangerous when even Dream was so alarmed. The president looked over to his accomplices. “Get the axes sharpened and the torches on, we have someone to burn” 

Y/N was standing on the stove cooking another meal for Tommy. They were cooking the potatoes but in their own way. Sure some salt and pepper were added but also, a few drops of a weakness potion and stuffed with shredded rotten flesh. While cooking Y/N smiled and hummed a beautiful tune. “What an irony” Y/N laughed “I know what you did” They look over to their opened windows and saw no one other than Dream himself. “Oh do you…” He began “Never underestimate a friendship between Kids” Dream had a nasty smirk on his lips, but so did Y/N “I never did” 

At this exact moment, Tubbo and his folk came into the vision. They all had their axes and lit-up torches in hand. Dream moves away and walks back over to Tubbo. Y/N walked outside still standing near their cabin. “You murdered Tommy” Tubbo accused them. 

“I did not, who told you that… Dream?” Tubbo nodded with self-confidence and anger in his eyes. Anger against Y/N. 

“You know Dream is a chronicle liar. He manipulates everyone he touches but now you believe him?” 

Y/N could see in Tubbos eyes that he was thinking things over. Dream tried to intervene of course “Tubbo, Even when Tommy is not dead he surely is soon because of them. They kidnapped Tommy” 

A laugh escapes from Y/N “I thought you were smarter. Yes, I have Tommy, but It’s all Dream's fault. You see…He came to me to hide from Dream. He wanted to injure him and make his life miserable. All I did was protect him from this green maniac” Tubbo was torn apart. who does he believe? He knew Y/N was up to no good but Tommy hiding here was also reasonable for him. He then took a look at the compass, It was still going crazy. “Then tell me Y/N… this compass should always point to Tommy, but now it is broken, Why?” 

Y/N cursed in their thoughts… Of course, they had a compass. Tubbo noticed their hesitation. “Tommy is alive… you have to believe me. He is just in a secret vault so no one could track him down” Tubbo squinted his eyes together. It sure sounded plausible. Though something still smells fishy or burnt?

Smoke came out of the Cabin. Y/N turns around and remembered that the food was still on the stove. Just seconds later the cabin began to emit flames. Tubbo saw red. The fact was Tommy was inside this cabin. He sprinted towards the burning house but got held back by Quackity. He shouted at him.

Y/N on the other hand first was sad about their house but they sighed. “You can rebuild it, no worries Y/N, no worries” They talked to themself. It looked surreal to everyone how Y/N walked towards the flames. The flames were cracking loudly, some even sounded like screams. “Enough” Y/N shouted at the flames. First, the flame continued it's doing but then died down as if water had touched them. 

The homeowner forcefully opened the door and destroyed it. Some flames were still there but it didn’t bother them. They kicked the button on the floor so the secret door would open. Tubbo watched them disappear. It took minutes until they came back dragging Tommy behind them, not caring that he got hit by some objects. Tubbo’s eyes grew wide. Tommy was still unconscious. Y/N tossed the boy to their own feet. With a snap, their hand catches on fire, and the other picked up Tommy by this collar. Tommy now woke up slowly. The first thing he saw was his best friend. “Tubbo” he called him with a weak voice. He then also saw the fire beside him and began to scream and looked up. He saw Y/N’s face, filled with rage, and confidence. 

“You want him back?” Y/N asked loudly “Then suffer” A trident appeared In their fiery hand and they thrust the end of it into the floor. A huge crack appeared from it and netherrack replaced the green dirt. The trees around them turned into pillars of basalt and the netherrack caught on fire. It was like a gateway to hell opened just underneath their feed. The cabin fell down into ashes and out of the secret stairway crawled out many Piglins and brutes. The Pigmobs immediately attacked Y/N’s opponents. The others were surprised and wanted to run away. “No running away now” Tubbo shouted. He was still desperate to get back his best friend. “No matter what... We will fight” Tubbo doubted he could defeat Y/N but he would not go without a fight. 

“How beautiful, I would lie if I told you I don’t want such a friendship,” they said. While the others fought the Piglins, Tubbo stormed over to Y/N “But the Devil has no friends” Tubbo finished Y/N’s sentence. 

“I still have Tommy” They stated. “He likes me… Don’t you” Y/N looked over to Tommy who struggled to get out of their grip but was too weak to do so. “I never liked you one bit” He countered. “Ouch, That’s not nice” 

“Give him back” Tubbo shouted at the evil. “You can have him” The brunette stopped in his tracks and was confused “What?”

“You can have him” 

“Then why all this?” 

“There comes the hook” Y/N cleared their throat “What do you offer me? I clearly don’t do anything for free” Tubbo was even more confused. “What.. would you want from me then” He was curious. Without hesitation, Y/N answered directly “Dream wanted to make a deal with me ages ago, but it never was completed. Let me shake his hand and I give you Tommy back. It is as easy as it sounds” 

Tubbo was very much confused. He didn’t thought about it further and just accepted “Yeah okay sure. I think I can handle this. I already know how I do it” 

Y/N smiled brightly. “Tubbo no don’t do it” Tommy called out “Don’t trust them” But Tubbo chooses to ignore him. He would do anything to get back his best friend into the safe lands of New L’manberg. Tubbo called over Dream who just killed a Piglin brute. “What do you want” He shouted but still came over. As Dream was close enough for Tubbo he began to talk “Y/N wants us to shake hands. As a sign of peace between us. If we do I get Tommy” Dream also didn’t think a second about it and held his hand out. But Instead of Tubbo shaking his hand Y/N reached out to it and as soon as Dream felt the burning hand in his, he realized what just happened. 

All these acts of helping Tommy were just mere tools to get Tubbo to help them. He got tricked so badly. 

Y/N never underestimated the friendship between them and now it was his downfall. He thought he had everything under control but he wasn’t. It made him frustrated. Their plan was successful. 

Y/N began to laugh like a maniac and let go of Tommy, who hushed over to Tubbo.  Dream wanted to get rid of their hand but was failing in every way. The fire began to burn his skin. The fear in his eyes grew bigger and bigger. Y/n then gazed into his own eyes. Dream could see the fire in them. The pain made him drop to his knees. 

“Now who’s in charge now” Hands still connected and eyes still locked onto each other. Y/N looked down and Dream up. “You shouldn’t have stolen things from me. Now kneel before me for the rest of your life” 

The piglings stopped fighting and walked further down into the forest. Even the netherrack followed them and turned everything it touches into a dull landscape, with the fire burning down the whole forest. It created a perfect pathway in the direction of the Greater Dream SMP. The Folk of New’ Lmanberg got alarmed and followed the piglings. Only Tommy and Tubbo stayed behind. They watched Dream scream in pain until Y/N dropped the hand. 

Tubbo was curious to find out what kind of deal they made. Y/n walked past them down the nether pathway, but stopped as Tubbo asked “What was the deal?” They looked down at the two kids “Dream wanted power and I gave it to him. In return, he had to give up his greatest, his land. I hope for a good relationship between us. Neighbor” They winked at them and left. 

Both of them didn’t return anything and just watched Y/N walk down to their new home. What did they do? They glanced over to dream who was still kneeling on the ground. His hand was burned heavily. He could never hold a weapon without feeling an immense amount of pain. It’s all his doing. Everyone said… Never make a deal with the Devil.

-----

Stay hydrated and Keep being awesome <3 Love you all

Masterlist

PS: I also take requests.

Leave a heart and follow if you like. It’s free and… YouCanAlwaysUnfollowLater (sry… Not)

[herefortarlos]

Hello!

I love seeing your excitement around the fandom and a special thanks for all the support you give me in the tags! I was what made you start watching lone star? What made you keep watching lone star? What’s your favorite part of fandom?

Awwww, hello, Jen!! Haha, I am very happy to know that you enjoy my fangirling and hopefully don't find it annoying 😆.

So what clued me into 911 Lone Star, was seeing random clips from the show when I would be bored and scroll through FB and Instragram's videos section. The scenes that I remember the best are of course the racist neighbor and "Sure ma'am but I am a homosexual." And Paul's, "but I am trans, though." And then the corn silo scene and Marjan popping up and having lost her hijab, and everyone gathering around to protect her modesty. I loved knowing there was a show out there that had, from the brief bits I saw, canon gay, trans and Muslim characters!! Then I bought Hulu in late 2022, specifically to watch the movie Julie and Julia, then I watched all of Modern Family. And then I was like, well, I still have this service for the end of the month, and I saw Lone Star was on it and I have not looked back 😂 I wish Hulu kept track of it, because I don't know how I consumed 3 seasons of Lone Star so quickly while also working.

Tarlos and TK, then later Carlos, when we finally got more of him in season 2, were big reasons I kept watching. I also genuinely like all of the characters! I did not think I would love Judd as much as I did, big, stereotypical Texas man, but is not like you thought at all! Owen and TK's relationship is one of my favorite things too, such a loving father-son relationship, without the toxic masculinity is so refreshing! Getting Tommy in season 2 was such a big improvement too!!

I could go on and on about the characters, but another huge reason I fell in love with the show was because it actually had a trans black man, played by a trans male actor, a gay Latino man, played by a gay actor, and of course the fandom didn't find out about Ronen until 2021, but I learned watching in 2022, was a gay man, played by a bisexual actor!! Representation matters and as a queer person, I was so happy to see a show actually put in the effort to try and cast accordingly!! Even now, when I try to get friends to watch the show, I always start by gushing about tarlos, of course, and then secondly talk about the casting!

Finally, my FAVORITE part of the fandom has to be all of our amazingly talented writers and the stories they provide to keep Tarlos alive, interesting and relevant, especially during longer than expected hiatuses. I have been reading fanfic for various fandoms since 2012? And I appreciate all the work and effort writers put in to provide us fans with more content, without expecting anything in return, so the least I can do is comment on fics and reblog works here with my unhinged tags 😂

Also, I really appreciate how active the fandom is on Tumblr and I loveee saving and liking posts, specifically based on different people's tags 😆 As my name suggests, I made a new Tumblr for Tarlos in January 2023 I believe, so very recent. The last time I was on Tumblr was 2019, after it quickly declined in popularity, and all the previous artists and writers I followed left for Twitter. The fact that I fell in love with a show and couple enough to seek out a community for it definitely says a lot about it! When I fall in love with characters or a couple, I will hyper fixate on them for a minimum of 2 years, and hopefully this obsession lasts longer because of this active fandom and the fact that Lone Star is still ongoing and providing new material, as soon as these dumb companies decide to actually pay their workers a decent living wage anyway.

Phew, time to go find some lunch 😂 Thank you for the ask, Jen, and if you ever need a beta I'm your girl ❤️ But regardless, you can definitely expect me to reblog and express my love for the next fic you tease! I am not going to survive when Meet you After Dark drops!

[whentommymetalfie]

A new chapter! And again such a long one! 😃

And - wow! - thank you for your detailed answer to my question. 😃 It's really interesting to hear how you approached this big story. I too think, that it's really important to be aware of each character and their development and to maybe write it down to keep track of everyone. One can tell you're doing this because the story has never lost its thread.

And I have to say: I think the same can be said for your Oneshots. Yes, each and every one is complete in itself, but so is the big picture. Due to the fact that I discovered them not so long ago, I was able to read them all in one go, so that they really seemed like many small scenes from yet another big story. Which was great! 😊

But now to the new chapter: Alfie!!! You wanna shake and hug him at the same time. But then you get to know the complexity of everything. At first you think: Just lie down, damn it, Alfie! It can only go wrong… But then reading your/his thoughts on the subject that Tommy will of course relate it to himself when Alfie is exhausted and as a result will not ask him for help again puts everything into perspective. As already described above: One can tell how much effort you put into it and the development of the characters, which makes them incredibly alive and deep! And of course it goes wrong... but luckily there’s Esther! ❤️ I'm really glad you decided to keep her in the story. She is so great! ☺️ And such a nice ending, even if you want to shake Alfie again so that he finally says what he thinks! Things are looking as if they miiiiiiiight get going uphill. 😀

Thank you for the chapter! I am excited for the next! 😊

Thank you for another incredible message! ❤️  And here’s a very late (and again, very long answer, bear with me) 

I’m very happy to hear your thoughts on my one shots in the wtma-AU, because writing for that AU was very different from these long stories, since they’re not written in chronological order. I wrote most of them based on requests, and sometimes I got a request for something that I thought would fit better earlier in the timeline, so I had to do some planning and thinking to make it feel cohesive. Though when I think about it now, I’ve always taken requests sort of ’in bulk’ so I did have a chance to plan them out and make them work in relation to each other. I didn’t have quite the overview I’ve had with Breathe Again and Home to you, but I’m glad they feel like one long story, because that’s always been the goal. (And just a little note for anyone who enjoys the wtma-AU, I actually might have a story planned out for that, because I re-read them the other day and realized how much I’ve missed writing for it, and a little idea came to mind. We’ll see what happens.)

But back to the current story: your kind words mean the world. Alfie slowly but surely wearing himself out is something that’s been in the works from the moment Tommy got injured and had to be taken to the hospital way back in the beginning. And in some ways from the very beginning of Breathe Again. But I’ve tried to portray Margate as this sort of safe haven, where they’d gotten into a working routine of sorts by the end of Breathe again and the beginning of Home to you, which helped Alfie (and Esther) to care for Tommy. And of course Tommy’s recovery has taken a toll after so much new trauma. Which is part of the core of Alfie’s current struggle, seeing so much of the progress gone, like they’re worse off than when they started. While he’s also grown to love him deeply, and that makes it all the more painful to witness, especially since he feels guilty for being unable to protect him. 

Right I could ramble on about that forever, so I’ll just wrap it up there. 

I’ve been struggling with the new chapter, but I’m working on it, and it means a lot to know you’re excited for the continuation. Thank you again for your kind message ❤️ 

[rgbstatic]

What do you think about las nevadas and Quackity’s arch, about Wilbur’s revival and his arch and ending? I’m interested im hearing your thoughts

I think Quackity’s arc and Las Nevadas was going to happen irregardless of Doomsday and the fall of L’manberg.

Quackity had already created El Rapids/Mexican L’manberg, and before the events of doomsday it’d already been in the works of being abandoned.

Quackity’s arc also started before doomsday, as he’d been a victim and target in every prior arc. His revenge plot with the butcher army, although extreme, I don’t think was entirely unwarranted with the people in his target book. Wilbur was a target but Wilbur was dead and crossed off, the same with Schlatt.

Next was Techno and Dream, and Techno would be the easier of the two to target just because Dream, at the time, had many people on his side.

I still think Techno had in some sense deserved some sort of call out/punishment. He didn’t and couldn’t just ‘retire’ without the consequences of what he did. He was not guiltless in his execution despite what he claimed. I think the way of the butcher army was very non L’manbergian, but despite involvement of the cabinet at the time, it was Quackity pulling the strings, and L’manberg trying to fight back against people who opposed and harmed those within. L’manberg, excluding the literal declaration of independence, has never been the one to cause problems. It retaliates, and in the case of Quackity, he retaliated to an extreme degree.

Quackity though had always had a want for power. If he’d not gone with Las Nevadas, let’s not forget his original plan was to revive Schlatt (this was before he even had knowledge of a revive book existing mind you, his plan was to get his body parts back together and he claimed he knew what to do from there), and use him as a political puppet and to start a new nation again.

Then he made Mexican L’manberg/El Rapids with his fiancé, and they fought for recognition, and they faced hardship. Quackity decided he wanted to make a place safe for himself and his fiancés long before L’manberg had fallen, so I believe it would’ve happened regardless. It’s the natural direction for his character to have gone. He was always second in command, it was his first time to lead, and to protect.

Quackity’s arcs make sense for his character, and I like that his doesn’t end in death, and honestly was left pretty vague. We don’t know what came of Karl or Sapnap (yet? Karl says he still wants to finish tftsmp and has plans to), but for Quackity either he moves on entirely, and has learned a lesson and helped destroy what he wanted to, and he is officially free from his ‘weak’ and ‘always the side man’ stereotypes, he’s proven himself. He could also return to his fiancés and work to build that again, is next step, there’s a lot he could do. I think his endings and arcs were good and though I personally wish we got to see more with his deal with Glatt and like, I so badly wished something had come up with him eating Schlatt’s heart, it was good.

Las Nevadas or something similar was always going to happen, as was the direction Quackity went. Like I said, he’d dealt with Techno (sort of), he moved onto Dream, it all just makes sense. His story was fine and I have no real qualms with it. I also thing it would’ve still happened whether Doomsday happened or not,

As for Wilbur’s revival, god I’ll be honest I fucking hate how it happened. We all knew it was going to happen, I mean directly after Doomsday Ghostbur wanted Wilbur to be revived, and Eret and Phil had been so immensely close to reviving him. Ghostbur had seen limbo and seen those who were dead, but it was difficult to latch onto Wilbur.

I wish that that had been the successful revival, or at least a revival similar. Maybe not in January when it occurred, maybe closer to when Tommy had died in prison.

I don’t like that the first person he in depth talked to was Phil, I hate that Phil acted like he’d been so distraught the entire time Wilbur was gone but the moment he came back he literally sent him away when Wilbur tried to spend time with him. Wilbur tried to spend time with his neglectful father even after he killed him, and that man who said things like ‘Ghostbur is just a shell of him’ and ‘I miss Wilbur’ and ‘I regret what I did’, said he was busy and sent him away. He never even really apologized?

I don’t like that he was revived by Dream.

I don’t like that cDream got to sink his hands further into things, things that honestly his character didn’t need to do. Dream narratively already held so much power that he didn’t need more.

Imagine with me, for a second, that Dream thought he was the master of life and death. That he was immortal, that the reason he was in prison and people hadn’t killed him yet was because he could control them with hanging life itself over their heads. He thought he had the most power one could possibly have.

Now imagine he escapes, which was something that if he’d been put in prison no matter the way would’ve always happened. I’d he’d been captured or whatever, he was always going to get out and try to take control again.

Imagine he tries to track down Tommy, or something of the sort, and he’s running and he runs into Tommy’s house, but Tommy isn’t there. Instead it’s Wilbur, staring him down.

“Oh, hello again. Miss me?”

And Dream has to let it sink in that the one, the only thing that gave him power over everyone else, doesn’t matter because *he* didn’t revive Wilbur, and he doesn’t know who did, or how. And with Wilbur in the picture, he can’t sink his hands into Tommy the way he did exile, and he can’t use his words because Wilbur always wins with words.

For a moment, he’s pitiful.

I think how the story actually went didn’t give Wilbur much potential to shine being revived. We had so many great starts, and the tragedy lies in we didn’t get the projected 11-13 streams that were supposed to happen with the burger van era. Sure, we got hitting on 16, but that would’ve been the last 4ish streams.

Wilbur had set up with Ranboo this, understanding. He didn’t like Ranboo because Ranboo was a self claimed centralist who wasn’t really centralist. Wilbur set up that he had this way of thinking where if you did one bad thing it made you bad forever, but this strict rule applied most to himself, he would write off everyone else’s bad with nuance except for his own. He said he felt like a monster. And in talking with Ranboo he said he felt like a monster, that everyone dances so cautiously around him waiting for a slip up so they can go ‘i told you so! he’s bad!’, he said he felt if it’d not been Dream in the prison, he’d be.

And it was Ranboo saying he understood, and explaining his own problems that made Wilbur realize that he wasn’t alone. Ranboo was the only person at that time willing to give him a complete fresh start, a fresh chance. I wholeheartedly think if we’d got those streams, Wilbur would’ve helped bring out Ranboo’s truth, the side he’d taken, which was and would always be those he cared most about. He’d chosen a side, whether he admitted it or not, and it was always going to be Tommy, Tubbo, and Michael. I think Wilbur would’ve helped him stand up for that side, give him that backbone and confidence.

Meanwhile Ranboo would’ve provided what Wilbur needed, a middle ground, and teach him that not everything is black and white there’s nuance and middle ground. They were two people with opposing views that had started to open up and understand each other and I think if we’d gotten that, Revivebur would’ve gone in a different direction.

I think he was underutilized, and I made a post not long ago about my opinions on that and how I felt about the endings so I won’t repeat myself, but I like what revivebur could’ve been. I do like how he reacts finding out about exile, and I wish we would’ve gotten that earlier in the story and that he would’ve acted on it further. Wilbur has for the most part been a pacifist, but he stood up for his friends and family and his values go out the window if you hurt them, and Dream was already past the line.

I don’t think Wilbur would’ve *killed* him, but I think he could’ve been used in Dream’s downfall.

I will not acknowledge ‘allegory for death’ Utah and his ending.

I think my previous ideas of him being revived earlier, and in a different way would’ve benefitted the story much better, and it was implied he was going to! Not only with Eret and Phil’s attempt at revival, but when Foolish had joined the server he’d talked with Tommy and some others about how he had demigod powers, before the lightning and everything else. He was a Totem of Life and Death and on one of his first days in the sever he’d stated he could bring people back to life. I remember a lot thought and theorized that somehow Tommy would get his help with Wilbur… rather than you know, going into the prison a handful of times.

I also just, don’t like Ghostbur’s ending. Ghostbur is his own person, yes, but he’s also a piece of Wilbur. Wilbur is missing a piece in Limbo. I don’t get how that works, I don’t get why they didn’t fuse or merge, or like, why he’s still there after Wilbur left to fucking Utah.

I know it was something *difficult* to do, but they’ve done prerecorded things before. I wish when he attempted to do his apology to Ghostbur, rather than tie Niki into it, he could’ve actually apologized to Ghostbur. We saw the veil of limbo thin before, after the Final Disc Confrontation Wilbur was able to tell Tommy good job from limbo. He could’ve done something to cause that again, and apologize.

Ghostbur could forgive him, say he understands, that he’s a man not yet convinced, he was never the dragon to be slain, something, and then silence, and then they’re halves united again as one, or something.

Due to irl reasons just, after Wilbur was revived not enough happened, a what seemed to have been planned and what seeds were sewn to happen was good! We just never saw it because of communication and rushing. Fuck the only reason we got ho16 was because no one told Wilbur they were doing the break out or that Ranboo was going to die, which meant all he had planned had to be scrapped. Just sucks.

I like revivebur in theory and what he could’ve been and I try to pretend what happened, mainly the most of the apology streams and his ending, didn’t happen.

[spacedlexi]

hbo tlou spoilers (and the game too) just rambling to myself bc i gotta get these thoughts out of my head

feeling.. conflicted about that episode still. wasnt gonna say anything but im a little bit nervous about how joel and ellie are being handled at this point just like overall

ellie to a lesser extent i just feel like shes a little.. one note almost (they gave her the joke book and she had some nice moments with sam at least). theyre just playing so hard into the spitfire side of her but game ellie was way sweeter and kinder than i think people remember? when i started my re-playthrough even i forgot how like.. chill she was honestly. a lot of her anger was reactionary/in defense and not always just immediately antagonistic. hbo ellie needs more softness to her its starting to annoy me a bit how just outright hostile she is to literally everyone

but in joels case.. the changes they made this episode honestly i feel were detrimental to his character development. they make it seem like joel asking tommy to take ellie is more about the fact that hes aging and hes afraid hes going to get ellie killed, so he needs tommy to take her because he has a greater chance of making it back. and they side step a bit the selfishness of joels request. when in the game it was SOLEY about joels selfishness and how he could tell he was starting to feel protective of/close to ellie and wanted to stop that shit immediately by passing her off to tommy so he could just wash his hands of the whole thing (which would also put tommy at risk and maria chews him out for it (which i wouldve liked to have seen in the show but alas...)). and the argument he and ellie get into (after she runs away!!) is supposed to be the culmination of those feelings and how hes pushing her away and hes afraid of being a dad again (im NOT your dad. and we are going our separate ways). but ultimately chooses to stay with ellie and that choice is SO IMPORTANT!! and now in the show its like... ok so... now youre Not afraid of.. getting her killed? because you STILL have a bad ear and ptsd? (that he wouldve had for a while anyway so honestly its a little funny theyre playing it up so hard all of a sudden him clutching at his chest all the time is just kinda funny to me again where is the subtlety i dont see it). and like with this change it makes their argument (and their reconciliation) less powerful honestly to me at least. that argument they have is seared into my brain its still one of my favorite scenes but i just wasnt feeling it as much with this different set up of events (and also imo the game still has the better actor performances PLEASE watch those scenes if you havent)

and this side stepping of joels selfishness as a character is honestly a problem for me. and im afraid what it might mean for future episodes. because joels selfishness is very integral to his character. knowing what i do about whats coming down the line, and how theyve been talking about the “cure” so far, im so 😬 just clenching my teeth so hard. because they just... keep saying every once in a while that “there can never be a cure making a cure would be hard how would you even manufacture and distribute it?” (squinting REAL HARD AT THAT LAST ONE!!) and im soooo nervous that they might downplay just how much of a selfish asshole joel is and how they might try to make his future actions less terrible.... or justify them in some way..... or something equivalent to downplaying what happens..... 

i mentioned it a while ago but these are arguments the fans have been having since summer 2013 but what annoys me about it is that none of it even matters!!! because the Only thing that matters is joels selfish choice. not whether hes right or wrong. the ambiguity is the whole point!! the selfishness is the whole point!! joel doesnt care and hes gonna do whatever he thinks is necessary regardless of the repercussions. and i am just so afraid theyre gonna undercut that. I HOPE THEY DONT IM CROSSING MY FINGERS SO HARD THAT THEY DONT WE CAN CELEBRATE IF THEY DONT but sometimes people are afraid to let their characters be shitty and have flaws and act selfishly and joel is a bit of a controversial character already. i hope they dont try to make him/his actions more “acceptable” somehow. i LIKE that hes like this it makes him INTERESTING

but yeah the rest of the episode was fine i guess. loved seeing jackson. oh but i will say that the end of the episode felt so uneventful to me which is hilarious based off of what happens, but the way things play out in the game is SO TENSE and drawn out that in comparison was just really weak in the show unfortunately. im sure it was a “for time” reason and like it still gets the idea across but again just more reason for me to stand by the game still being The True Last of Us Experience. looking forward to the left behind episode tho i am so excited to see my girl riley again 💔