#And I have been neglecting literally everything else

[weareuniqueandimportant]

EMPATHY GLAMORIZATION IS NOT ABOUT EMPATHY BUT SUPERIORITY TORWARDS APATHETIC PEOPLE BIGOTRY TORWARDS THEM TYPICAL BIGOT EVIL. SIMPLE AS THAT. IF YOU SEE THEM AS LEFTIST YOU'RE NO LEFTIST YOURSELF. HORRIBLE. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO HAVE ONLY EMPATHY AND BAD TO THINK EVERYTHING YOU DO IS SUCH ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY BEING APATHETIC IF ANYTHING WHEN THEY DO THIS...

COMES TO SHOW BIGOTRY TORWARDS CRAZY AND DISABLED PEOPLE ASWELL AS PARAPHILIA PEOPLE ISN'T TAKEN AT ALL THE SAME AS SEXISM RACISM AND QUEERPHOBIA... OR PERHAPS... LIKELY... THEY ARE ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS EVIL AND TAKE NONE THAT SERIOUSLY... BELITTLING DOWN THEIR PAIN AND DAMAGE...

[spectrumgarden]

I know I'm shouting into the void with this one but like. Genuinely so many low support needs people dont understand what it's like having even medium support needs. Like I am entirely dependent on other people for many of my needs. I can not see a doctor without someone else scheduling the appointment, taking me there and doing a large amount of the communication for me.

If my caretaker had not been accepting of me being trans and invested hundreds of hours into psych appointments and taking me to my endocrinologist and doing all the paperwork involved with my name change and literally taking a week off work to stay with me in the hospital for surgery etc i would have just like. Never transitioned. My ability to transition was entirely dependent on a singular person and that's what a lot of other parts of my life are like as well. and that's fucking terrifying and a great way to be neglected and abused in ways that are horribly hard to get away from.

I dont drive, I dont work, I struggle to leave the house at all, I dont fucking communicate with people majority of the time. The things that are hard for you? I probably can not do them to begin with. No one in my family lives even close to a comparable life to me. None of my irl friends do. I'm incredibly isolated.

And then I go online and see people rant about how easy MSN and HSN people have it because we just get everything we need and how because people can tell we are disabled everything is so easy because none of you even manage to listen to us talk about the neglect and abuse and trauma we face/d. I see people angry at their (more) disabled siblings for getting care they need to survive instead of mad at society for creating a system where its incredibly hard for families to take care of both a higher support needs child and another child.

And I see people who live completely independent lives who work and drive and make their own doctors appointments and grocery shop and travel by themselves call themselves MSN (I could go on a rant about how that's also often the fault of LSN influencers for not leaving a lot of room in their own community for legitimate struggle but that's for another day).

I just want my needs met. I want to be able to decide where I live. I want choice in my care. I want to be able to have community with those like me. I want others to realize I exist and leave the words i have to describe my existence alone. I want others to listen to what I have to say about what my life is like.

[always-just-red]

I NEED some angst+comfort with Zayne PLEASE. It could be anything, the reader being run over in front of him, him being stressed about work and being mean to the reader... Literally anything

This was my first request, so thank you so much! I started this last night with a cup of tea and an "I'm sure I can manage some angst for Zayne, why not?" sort of attitude, and it culminated with me evil laughing to myself at 3am. Enjoy I guess? 😭

Reserved

Zayne x Reader ❄

Summary: You've been looking forward to this dinner with Zayne for a week, but it seems he has other priorities.

Genre: angst, SO MUCH angst (but sshhhh... we save it with some comfort... 👀)

Warnings/Additional tags: established relationship, fluff, uses of y/n, reader is feeling neglected, Zayne gets a tiny bit mean

| Word count: 1.2k | Masterlist | Opt-in to my taglist here!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Love and Deepspace. All work is my own, so please don't repost or plagiarise!

“Zayne… c’mon. Let’s go.”

You feel like a child, whining for what feels like the hundredth time in the last half hour, but you’ve little else left to do. You’re perched on Zayne’s desk, having long ago lost respect for the sanctity of his workspace, and you pout as you stare down at the phone in your palm. The screen is lit up by a reminder you’d set a week ago: Reservation. The Cerulean. 8 o’clock.

It’s 8:25, and you’ve snoozed it five times already— each time more pointedly than the last.

“Just a minute,” Zayne mumbles.

“You said that an hour ago!”

The man hums in acknowledgment, but he doesn’t look up from his computer. His face is bathed in the ghoulish light of the screen, his glasses shining as he dips his head— just a fraction— to glance at the paperwork spread before him. You give him his minute: let second after second tick by, though you mark each one with an idle tap on the desk’s cold surface.

A murmur: “Stop that, please.” His patience is thinning too.

You’re feeling petty, because you’ve been listening to the patter of his keyboard forever and it’s driving you insane. You purse your lips and tap louder. One second. Tap. Two seconds. Tap. Three. Tap. Tap. Tap.

“Stop it.” Zayne’s hand catches yours, his grip soft, but his face stern.

And he still won’t look at you.

He releases your hand, and his dutiful fingers are back to their post, pattering away. With a huff, you come away from his desk, stalking past him to the window, where you fold your arms and study the barren street below. The view is obscured by the dark and the drops of rain that carve hazy trails down the glass. You can just about make out a couple, emerging from the hospital’s entrance. No uniforms. A patient and their other half, and they’re leaning on each-other— no— pushing each-other, competing for the cover of an umbrella that’s much too small. They’re laughing, you think.

Your chest aches.

“Zayne,” you press.

His chair rolls back, wheels harsh on the floor, and he’s standing, logging out of his computer with a final, few clacks. “I’m done,” he snaps, but his tone says otherwise. He tugs his coat from the back of his chair. “We can go.”

…

You sit on the edge of the wet pavement, rain seeping from your hair and soaking the fabric of your clothes. You should be cold, but you’re not. You’re nothing. Your eyes are cast downwards and all you see is grey, though it’s illuminated by an orange glow.

Behind you, light bleeds through the windows of a busy restaurant. Zayne is still in there, playing diplomat. Playing doctor: always trying to fix things.

Your phone buzzes, and you slip it from its home in your coat pocket. There’s a message: having fun? Then another: ur welcome, miss bodyguard.

Rafayel. He knows a guy who knows the guy who owns this place, so you’d called in a favour. You and Zayne had been drowning in work for a week: him, overwhelmed by new patients at the hospital, and you, out hunting the wanderers that had put them there. Linkon is getting worse. Everything is getting worse, and you just wanted one, single night for yourself.

Well, not just yourself.

The monotonous drum of the rain breaks to the creak of an opening door, but you don’t react. “Y/N?” Zayne sounds far away. “Where did you— Y/N!?”

Footsteps echo on the pavement behind you, splitting puddles, and the orange light is gone. You’re trapped by a shadow that’s talking, speaking your name, but you pretend you can’t hear it. Let him say it a hundred times. A thousand; you can wait.

“Just a minute,” you lilt, your voice dripping spite.

You’re going to sit here for an hour.

“Y/N…” The doctor is oh so patient. “Please get up. You’ll catch a cold if you—”

“Good!” you spit, rounding on him. “Then why don’t I check myself into the hospital? Maybe then you’ll actually think about me once in a while!”

Zayne is towering over you: a small, wet, pathetic little thing, but you still make him draw back. His virescent eyes are wide, his lips parted ever so slightly. He almost always knows what to say, but this is an exception.

After a long moment, he moves around you. Slowly, he lowers himself to sit at your side.

“Do you have any idea,” you start, staring out across the slick road, “how selfish you make me feel? How much I hate myself when I… when I ask you to…”

The confession catches in your throat. It hurts, but you force it out anyway:

“What you do is so important, Zayne. You’re saving lives. You’re giving people back to their families, their loved ones, and you’re amazing for that. I think you’re amazing for that. But I miss you. It feels like I have to share you with the rest of the world, and I know I have no right to ask it, but sometimes? Sometimes I just… want you to be mine.”

You’re looking down, now. Hugging your knees— burying your face, so he won’t see you cry. There’s rain and salt in your mouth, and you wish he would say something. Anything. 

You have to wait a few seconds, but then you feel it: something heavy being draped over your shoulders. His coat. Then his arm is around you, drawing you close, closer, until you’re nestled against his chest.

“You have every right to ask,” he soothes, his tone so warm when it’s compensating for the rest of him. “I am yours, Y/N. I will always be yours.”

“But your work—”

“Can wait,” he finishes for you. “I know I forget that sometimes. And I’m sorry. But you?”

He lifts your chin, gazing down at you with something you can only describe as adoration.

“There is nothing in this world more important to me than you.”

Your heart flutters at the words and the feathery touch of his thumb on your cheek, wiping away a tear. It’s futile in a downpour, but it still makes you smile. Rain is spattering on your forehead, some dripping from his now-soaked hair, and you laugh as he tries to dry your face with his sleeve.

“You’re important to me, too,” you manage between chuckles, “and I’m sorry, too.” Your cheeks are flushed, even in the cold. “Let’s go home, yeah?”

“No.” A statement: not up for debate. Zayne untangles your limbs from his as he helps you stand. “We have a reservation.”

“We had a reservation. They gave away our table, Zayne.”

“Did they?”

There’s a hint of smugness. “Wait… what did you—”

He nods at the restaurant, and you follow his glistening gaze to where a waiter is holding the door— a menu clutched above his head, shielding him from the rain. He’s looking back at you. Waiting.

“Rafayel isn’t the only one with friends in high places,�� Zayne smiles, leaning down to speak into your ear, and it makes you shiver. “The head chef is a friend of mine. I saved his brother’s life, you know.”

[acid-ixx]

I’m new, I just read your fic about neglect reader. I haven’t read through your blog yet but I am so excited after reading this fic. I am an emotional wreck right now and my curiosity is eating me alive with this question “Does reader know about Jason? Will they ever met? Ever have a platonic relationship together? Will Jason be more of a brother to reader?”

I’m sorry I speed through the fic and tears are in my eyes I couldn’t think straight BUT I notice that Jason is hardly there so I’m curious. Please this is such a brain rot, it’s way past midnight after I read this cause I keep stopping to cry.

major (?) spoilers below.

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

hello anon !! im so happy ppl are getting more exposed to the content i have written so far. anyways, i can't believe i also got others to cry bec i did too when i was writing 😭

anyways, to answer ur question: yes! the reader will meet jason and he would actually be the first sibling you would meet after you have left the manor. the way he would turn yandere for you is a different approach to how the others would be because in the prequel, it has been stated that you had your fair share of encounters with him.

"will they ever have a platonic relationship with him/see him as a brother?" maybe, maybe not. because your meeting with him would all be a blur to you, and jason's obsession would stem from the trauma he had experienced, causing him to be more protective of you.

you're not in your best mindset and you're vulnerable walking through the streets of gotham and all alone? oh god, only a dumbass would do that— but once the red hood recognizes your face and the way you carry yourself so pitiably, he immediately tries to take you in his arms just as he should.

but the moment you push him away? tell him to fuck off despite your drunken state? the moment you cry and tell him you could deal with everything yourself without his help or anybody else's? you just remind him of himself and that triggers his first spiral into yandere-ism.

it's the way you share trauma, the way you both feel immense anger. he should've noticed sooner because you two would've been as close as peas in a pod. and yet he failed you by being a hypocrite. you were literally taken into the manor right after his death and discarded like you were mere trash. he should've taken you away when he had the opportunity to but he was too caught up in his feat of revenge.

yet the worst part was that he had taken notice of tim before he did you, and jason had momentarily hated you too because he thought bruce had replaced him. if he had looked through that veil of contempt that he had for you, and saw just how neglected and in need of attention you are, then he would've taken you under his wing.

but he didn't, and he had done the same thing to you as most did.

so take it as you will when i say you're more or less going to be closer (albeit unwillingly) to jason than anybody else because unlike his other siblings who are bound by their vigilante duties, your big brother jason wouldn't mind shooting any creeps who think they could touch his precious angel.

and he gets it, too, angel— you hate him, you hate them all and that's valid. but you can't just walk out in the streets alone and expect to be home in one piece; so leave it to him to scout your apartment alright? leave it to your big brother jason to intimidate the goons who try to stalk you when you're not looking. even if you don't want him near you, you'll always find warm food by your table and a note reminding you to take care of yourself more often.

it hurts when you rip the paper to shreds but it breaks his heart even more if you refuse to touch the meal he would leave for you, because that probably means you saw him as danger more than anything else. and he doesn't know it, but you're already planning to make a run for it now that you're under red hood's radar.

it's obvious that you have no experience when it comes to living by yourself, so please don't fucking push him away and let him protect you from any harm. your self destructive habits only causes him to become more protective of you and it only lets him stalk you more often to ensure nobody would touch his precious angel.

just like dick, you'll be treated more like a child than that of a young adult, but at least jason has the concept of personal space compared to your eldest brother. but still, jason wishes to hold you in his arms.

heaven forbid if the joker ever got his crummy fingers on you. jason would go berserk.

little does he know, little does your family know just how much they had lost the opportunity to keep you in wraps inside the manor.

they should've never let you out in the first place.

[igotanidea]

Not the same: Jason Todd x reader

requested by @miraculous-panic: NSFW: Jason or Dick just ready to eat pussy until you can't take anymore. (Jason obviously :D)

Warnings: SMUT MDNI, body insecurities, a bit of daddy issues, a bit of abuse on Jay's part if you squint.

A/N: been a while since I wrote smut, so forgive me if I'm out of practice :D

***

It’s been weeks.

Literal weeks since he touched her.

Before she met him, and when nothing was happening in the sex/love department she wouldn’t even bat an eye and would move on, ignoring the deeply hidden urges of her body, but things has changed.

The first time with him (her first time ever), with his hands on her body, his lips on her skin, moving in all the hidden places she didn’t even know existed and craved for physical affection, unlocked something  in her.

And ever since she wanted more.

Greedy little girl, but can you blame her given the fact Jason knew exactly what he was doing bringing her immense pleasure, leaving her gasping and panting with his name on her sweet soft lips.

She needed more.

Not necessarily going full on, but anything.

One touch, simple kiss, gentle caress of calloused fingers on her sensitive skin…

Anything to get that sensation of being loved and craved, of feeling so close to him. Like he belonged to her and no one else.

Pretty much she turned into a giant teddy bear, wanting to be squeezed and held and hugged and wrapped in his strong arms.

Finally getting everything she didn’t have in her childhood from her forever absent, emotionally neglecting father. Care, love, affection.

Daddy issues? Maybe, but she didn’t care, purposefully forgetting the fact that she was in a relationship with a man who were absent more often than not, repeating the scheme.

It was not the same.

He loved her. And she loved him.

And she needed him.

IT WAS NOT THE SAME.

IT WAS NOT THE SAME.

She kept on repeating that one sentence, lying awake in bed, alone, in the middle of the night, her crazy mind whispering words of doubts and uncertainty, producing crazy scenarios and making her overthinking pretty much everything that happened in the last ten years. Questioning herself and their relationship starting from day one.

IT WAS NOT THE SAME

NOT THE SAME

And she was going to prove it. To herself. To him. To the whole world. To her stupid absent father that left her and her mother when she was little girl, even if it was crazy.

She was going to make a statement the second Jason would cross the threshold of their shared apartment.

Feeling like a complete fool, but with a strong resolve to take some action she jumped out of bed and rushed to the dresser, opening the top drawer and throwing every little piece of clothing on the floor until she reached something carefully hidden at the bottom.

Very expensive and very revealing lingerie set, she bought on impulse while browsing internet. Hitting all the wrong sites that made her believe that a girl can only be loved when she was skinny and seductive. That having a little bit of junk, belly and bum automatically excluded from the group of people deserving love. That the only way to have some action was to reveal sexy, toned body.

Which she didn’t have.

The first time she wore the red lacy set and saw her reflection in the mirror tears started flowing down her cheeks, self-hatred stimming under the surface threatening to overflow.

Stupid little girl who decided she was too common to wear something so sexy.

But things has changed. She has changed. Their relationship has evolved and it was the time to try something new and gauge Jason’s reaction.

So she wore it for the first time ever, putting on a brave face.

***

A few hours later Jason was dragging himself home, tired, but miraculously not injured. Wanting nothing more than to fall on the bed next to Y/N and hold her close for whatever rest of the night was left.

His beacon of light in the darkness as cliché as it sounded.

Jason knew the words of poets, being able to recite them on call, but truth was that once he fell for her, none of them seemed even close to the truth and depth of his own feelings. Not even the most beautiful poem conveyed how she made him feel.

And just a single thought of her made him smile, forcing to pick up the pace to have even few more minutes in her presence with her body fitting so well with his. With her soul merging with his.

And he thought he was in love before, never realizing what it truly meant.

Not before her.

And he smiled to himself

***

She was waiting for him and it was not so shocking.

But the sight of her in the set that was definitely bought in Agent Provocateur, with her legs crossed sitting in the armchair with a glass of wine and thick hair swept on one side?

Jaw dropping.

Banishing fatigue in an instant.

Blood boiling.

Making his legs root to the ground, hands tremble and pants becoming tight in an instant.

She was perfect. Prefect and all for him, but he needed to proceed carefully to not let his own desire take full control and – god forbid – hurt her in process.

“Y/N” he cleared his throat taking off the shoes and stepping closer with a signature smirk that has never before took so much energy to be maintained.  

“Hello Jason.” She smiled innocently “how was your patrol?”

“Uneventful.”

“So you don’t need me patching you up tonight?”

If it meant he could have her undressing him and putting her hands on his body he would lie and pretend he was dying and needing kisses in all the places.

“Nah. Not really. Like I said, I’m fine.”

“Well then, I suppose I can go back to bed.” Y/N stood up stretching her back to expose a little bit more of her breasts (still feeling a little bit weird, but getting quite content with the look in his eyes and satisfied with the way they were darting around).

“Yeah, good night Y/N.”

“Night Jay.”

“Goodnight…” he said again unable to stop looking at her.

“You already said it…”

“Yeah I just wanted to repeat it.”

“So you did.“ she took a step towards him

“I did.” He whispered closing the distance even more wanting nothing more that to touch her body that was almost shining in the room lit only by the lights from the outside. His hot breath hit her face when he was fighting the urge to not let her win.

“Goodnight Jason…” she said again, shivering a little from the closeness.

“Hm.”

“Something wrong?” she muttered not missing the way his voice dropped an octave turning into that deep growl that made her legs tremble. Every other minute of this little game she was gaining more power while Jason was loosing his mind.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” he groaned

“Where did you get that idea?”

“Just needed to make sure you know I’m not in the mood for your little games.”

“Oh.” She gasped, a little hurt. At least until she noticed the tent in his pants and cried out internally feeling the sense of victory “I know you’re spent” she rubbed his cheek “I would never do anything to overload you—”

“Go to sleep.” He hissed pulling away from her.

“Jay-“

“I said go to bed!” he yelled “Go to bed before I won’t be able to control myself anymore and-“

“Shit!” Y/N cried out in response lunging forward and kissing him, loosing the war of nerves and not giving a fuck about it.

And when his arms circled around her waist, grabbing the back of her thighs, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around his waist nothing mattered anymore.

“Tell me you want it.” His lips brushed over her jaw, nibbling on the sensitive spot behind her ear and tracing lower, down her neck.

“Tell me you want it.” Her legs and arms tightened on him, head tilting automatically to give him more access.

“What do you think princess?”

It took him three strides to get into bedroom and gently lay her down, climbing on top of her body, kissing every inch of her skin, not covered by the lingerie. Planting soft kisses on her neck, hooking fingers under the straps of her lacy bra and sliding them down her sensitive arms, inhaling her scent heading towards her cleavage, biting softly on the tops of her breasts while simultaneously cupping them through the material and squeezing gently. Getting the exact reaction he wanted in the form of quiet whimpers, calling of his name and nimble fingers in his hair.

“How expensive was it?” he muttered against her skin, lips still attached to her chest, moving his touch lower, sliding fingers up her legs, spreading them in the process, brushing his growing erection over her clothed core.

“Very expensive….”

“Is that something that should stop me?” he breathed out cupping her most sensitive part and running fingers there. “You’re already so wet, aren’t you?”

“Uh-huh….” She arched her back to him getting ready to be freed from her confinement and having her lingerie torn to pieces in one gesture.

However, Jason did something unexpected. Instead of baring her, he traced his lips lower.

Below her breast.

Over her ribs.

Kissing and brushing over the curve of her waist.

Licking her belly button.

Putting hands on the string of her panties.

Sliding them down, painfully, inch by inch, delighting in the goosbumps that covered her legs and the tremble of her limbs.

Making it extremely obvious of his intention.

“Jay-!”

“shh…” he nuzzled nose over her most intimate part inhaling the scent of her arousal “you wanted this you little minx, didn’t you?”

“I thought-“

“Oh, come on, baby.” He licked her clit once for a little bit of teasing before pulling back to look up into her eyes from between her legs. “you wore a lingerie. Which can only mean you wanted something new. Something to spice things up. Just admit it.”

“Uh-huh! Yes, yes, I wanted-“

The sentence was cut out abruptly by the sound of pleasure when he started fully sucking at her clit, waking up the volcano inside her.

“Jay!”

“That’s right love, scream my name…” he hummed, the words a little muffled by the way he was devouring her core.

“Fuck!” she pulled at his hair.

“I’m gonna eat you out so good…”

“Jason!”

He chuckled softly finding a way inside her wet core, pulling his tongue in getting the shivers, nails on his scalp, calls of his name, praises and encouragement to keep going.

“Fuck, you taste amazing.” He lapped at her juices like a starving man on the death row, enjoying his last meal. To say the whole truth he could die just like that, between her legs, sipping on her sweet nectar.  “Should have done it so long ago…”

“JASON!”

“You gonna cum for me baby? Cum on my tongue?”

“PLEASE!”

“Please what?” he teased continuing the sweet assault, going deeper, harder and faster.

“MAKE ME-!” she moaned arching her back, instinctively placing her hand on her clit ready to make it faster.

“nope.” He grabbed her wrist and pin it by her side “it’s mine.” The deep animalistic voice coming from him made her shudder and buckle her hips. “Down, princess.” His other hand moved to her hip holding her down.

“please!! Please! Please!”

There. He won. Turning her into babbling mess underneath him.

Sliding a little bit up her body, so her legs ended up on his shoulders, resuming and picking up the pace, making it almost brutal, swirling his tongue, humming in appreciation, hitting just the right spot at the right angle every time, ready to go like this forever until she comes.

And long after.

Her cried and her taste when she came did not much to stop him. He was addicted, unable to peel himself from her core, rutting his own hips on the bed.

More, more, more…

Pussy drunk.

Squirt addict.

Ignoring the desperate whimpers of sensitivity and words that made no sense, gibberishing about too much. He was only just starting, focused on his own pleasure rather than hers.

“Mine.” The grip on her hips was bruising, iron-like, when he lost control and sense of his own power. “Mine. Mine.”

“mh..Jay.. J-Jay…”

“Mine…” he groaned again, licking and sucking her dry, not allowing one single drop of her juice to go to waste.

And she knew there was no way to stop him until he was fully satisfied.

And that she wouldn’t be able to walk straight next day.  

And this was sure as hell not the same as anything she was used to.

[scoobydoodean]

I have 2 spn accounts, a Deancentric blog that ships Destiel and another account that unintentionally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. So one blog follows majority Deangirl blogs and the other incidentally follows a lot of Samgirl blogs. And here's the major difference I've noticed on the different dashboards.

Deangirl dashboard: Great meta analysis. Beautiful art. Level 1 and 2 headcanons (largely based in canon). Pro-Dean. Stumble across reblogs of Deancrit. Bitter Deangirl blogging. Generally fair portrayal and discussion of the positive and negative traits and actions of Dean, Sam and Cas. Deanhater anons.

Samgirl dashboard: An entirely different pool of beautiful art. Whole lotta woobie!Sam art where Dean is his abuser. Deancrit about Dean being an abuser. Bitter Samgirl blogging about how people will find any excuse to hate Sam. "How can anyone be Samcrit he has done nothing wrong ever." Level 5 headcanons (you literally ignored canon to make that up). More about how Dean is Sam's abuser. So many posts about how awful Samcrit is. "Do Deangirls really think that Dean cries himself to sleep at night thinking that ppl thinks he doesn't know how to read." I have yet to see any actual Samcrit posts (not even links or reblogs from Sam defenders), not even after literally searching the Samcrit tag for it. The Samcrit tag is full of Samgirls crying about Samcrit and no actual Samcrit. "Samgirls are feral, but we need to be bc of the hate ppl throw Sam's way."

I literally have to block so many people on the incidentally Samgirl dashboard bc I'm not on Tumblr to randomly stumble across a post on how Dean is a toxic stalker who abused Sam by changing Amelia's number in his cellphone. Do you have any idea on why Samgirls seem to feel so attacked all the time even though I literally only ever see *them* attacking Dean?

If you dig deep enough into any fandom, you will encounter people who fetishize "helpless victimhood". Some fandoms attract more people with those particular proclivities than others. Supernatural and Sam in particular attracts people who hold those sorts of aesthetic interests because of his relationship toward accountability versus Dean's.

Dean is a character with an overactive sense of responsibility. He blames himself for the Lindbergh baby and unemployment and every child murdered by a shrtiga from 1990 to 2005 because he went to play an arcade game when he was 10. He also blames himself for things like Jessica dying and Sam not being in school. Other characters pile on this blame frequently. John blames Dean for Sam getting hurt (1.18). Ruby tells him (and Sam) that Sam is a weak baby who won't psychologically survive without Dean there to protect him (3.11). Meg alleges that Dean is "dragging Sam everywhere" (1.16). Sam rewrites reality from 1.05 to 1.21 to make Dean responsible for his burning desire for revenge. Cas and Zachariah and Gabriel blame Dean when Sam breaks the last seal because he didn't stop Sam in time. Sam blames Dean for him drinking demon blood first because Dean wasn't there to protect him and then—in a complete 180—because Dean is smothering (4.04, 5.05). Dean generally absorbs blame when it is piled at his feet because he has been blamed for things he couldn't control for most of his life and thus he feels guilty and responsible for things even when him being responsible makes no logical sense. He's never a victim of anything—everything is always on him.

Sam, on the other hand, tends to eventually deflect blame because he can't handle the gnawing bite of it for long. It reminds him too deeply of being left isolated and alone as a child and the feelings of otherness and wrongness he developed through that neglect. When his actions ultimately have consequences he didn't foresee and/or that he finds undesirable, it makes him feel ugly and unaccepted and he can't face it so he eventually finds a way to make what happened someone else's fault—usually Dean's fault. Nothing is ever on him. He's always at least a little bit of a victim and Dean always carries at least partial responsibility for his decisions (1.21, 1.08, 4.04, 5.05, 8.23, 11.01)

In other words, Sam has an under-active sense of responsibility and Dean has an overactive responsibility and that dynamic—driven by their childhood experiences—places them into a vicious cycle of blame being cast onto Dean for Sam's decisions and Dean absorbing it. Dean absorbing it reinforcing the narrative for samgirls with a victimhood fetish that Dean deserves blame and that Sam truly is a helpless baby. They never watch what actually happens on the show to see whether this narrative that Dean is responsible for everything and Sam is a helpless baby lines up with the actual events that occurred onscreen because why would they? That would ruin their enjoyment. Sam isn't interesting to them outside of his capacity to be mourned as some sort of helpless martyr. And yes—they will cry and moan about how horrible and unfair Sam's suffering is, but it isn't because they're having a bad time. They're having a great time. They love thinking about Sam that way. They wouldn't be here blogging about it day in and day out for the last 20 years if they didn't actually want to see exactly what they're seeing.

Related tags of note:

#sams motivations

#taurus sam in the flesh

#In which Sam is not a helpless little waif with his hands cast over his eyes being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea

#sam the hunter

#sams follower/leader false dichotomy

#parentification

[cressidagrey]

The Ties that Bind - Chapter 6

Summary: 

Shadowsingers were made, not born. Made out of trauma and loneliness and desperation.

So when Cilla and Azriel meet and their shadows entwine, they both meet the only other person that could understand these particular childhood scars.

The last thing Azriel had ever expected from his mate, however, was for her to have a surprising connection to his brother.

Warnings: 

Mentions of Child abuse and neglect, Azriel is an idiot and Cilla doesn't even realise that what he is doing to her is kinda messed up.

(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)

Cilla poked at the cabinet…put her hand in it…she could feel no difference in temperature. Still, the milk she had removed just minutes before, was perfectly chilled in its little can. . And when she had emptied said can, it had just replenished again. 

She had never seen anything like this before. Granted she hadn’t been able to afford milk much, but she had never seen anything like that.

Tell her it will always fill up again. The can is enchanted. 

She would have thrown that can across the room if she had been holding it. Thankfully she had put it down before she started poking through her mate’s kitchen. 

Cilla was curious. And Azriel didn’t seem to care if she went poking through his cabinets…or under the chairs…or anything else. Though the most interesting thing she had found where knives stashed literally everywhere. It didn’t matter where…out of plain view, and for some reason there was a knife there. She had no clue for what.

Still, the random knives didn’t explain the voices that she was hearing. A voice that definitely wasn’t her own shadows. 

The can is enchanted. It will always fill up again. Her shadows told her. 

Oh. 

She stared at the tendrils that were ghosting around her, somehow just knowing that some were hers and some belonged to her mate. 

And then she reached out, carefully. Just like she had learned to do with her own shadows…like threads connected to her mind that she could tug on and tell them what to do…like threads that she could pull and knot and make sure that they listened. 

Reaching out for Azriel’s shadows mentally was…like trying to catch mist. 

Hello? 

You can hear us? They responded, sounding surprised and delighted. 

Shouldn’t I? she asked carefully. Was she not supposed to be able to hear them? Was she just…Azriel’s shadows were shadows just like hers. It made sense that Cilla could hear them, right? 

You are Master‘s, of course, you should, they agreed easily. Nobody but Master could ever hear us. They told her, twining themselves around her wrists, slipping underneath the sleeves of the blue dress she wore. 

Their touch was comforting, just like the touch of her own shadows…for so long that had been the only touch she had felt that was… nicest to hurt her.

It was comfort, plain and simple. 

She put the jug of milk back into the cabinet, still not having solved the mystery of why it stayed cool. Maybe it was enchanted as well? Maybe…

It wasn’t like she ever had the money to invest into something like that…wasn’t like she had the money for anything of this sort…not to even speak of the rest of this house in the mountains that Azriel called home. 

It was safe and warm and comfortable…and with that already a major step up from everything she had been used to. 

If I can hear you…Can Azriel hear mine? She asked hesitantly. 

Not yet, her shadows answered easily. 

You think he will be? Cilla wondered. Would he be able to? She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be able to read her thoughts like that. If he should be able to…

But then his shadows hadn’t given her anything about his thoughts so maybe…maybe it would be fine. Maybe it would even be…there would be somebody else that she could talk to in the privacy of her mind, somebody that would be there…she wouldn’t be alone. That would…that would be nice. 

If you will it. He’s yours. Just like you are his, Azriel’s shadows answered quietly. We’ll always keep you safe. 

Safe…It was such a foreign concept. Just as foreign as being his…Even when he had left her in this house without seemingly a worry about what she could get up to. 

Even with the 3 dozen knives stashed around. 

Can I ask you a question? She asked as she left the kitchen, a glass of milk in her hand and walked into the living room, in front of the bookcase. She traced her finger over the spines of these books longingly. 

Of course. 

Can you read? She asked, curiously. her shadows couldn’t. Even when they could see things, without having eyes. She still wondered how exactly that worked. She didn’t think that just magic was the answer to everything. 

But then…maybe it was. 

When Master learned to read, we gained that ability as well, they answered. Huh. 

So if I learn to read, my shadows will be able to as well? she wondered. Was that how it worked?

 If

Would you like to learn? They responded and she swallowed. 

Yes, Cilla gave back immediately. She wanted to learn. Desperately.

Books had always been a mystery to her…the idea that she had millennia of information at her fingertips and she just couldn’t access it…it was infuriating. Infuriating and fascinating…but there was nobody that she could have asked. Most of the females that worked at the tannery with her, couldn’t read either. Most for a myriad of reasons -  they had left home too soon, or had lost their parents or caregivers…and had never gotten to learn. 

His shadows wrapped around her wrist, leading her towards the armchair the stood tucked into a nook, another tendril fetching a book that they gave to her once she had sat down, opening it. 

It had pictures in it…paintings. This is a children’s book, they explained to her. A is for Ant…they pointed out the painting picture of an Ant next to the symbol that must be the letter A. B is for Bear. 

And so it continued. They helped her scratch the alphabet onto a parchment they had liberated from Azriel’s desk and went through the whole book with her. From A to Z…helping her sound out the words aloud until she had…she had gotten something out of it. 

She didn’t think that she was going to be fluent anytime soon, but just the possibility.y…she didn’t care how long it was going to take her. She couldn’t care less. 

She had the opportunity…she had the options…she would spend hours pouring over books and learning if that meant that there was the possibility that she would understand them. 

“It seems like you are hard at work.” Cilla didn’t startle, not when she had felt that tug at her ribs but she did look up with a smile, that froze on her face as she took in Azriel. 

He had left her alone that evening with the promise that he would be back soon…and he was back soon. With a bloody nose. 

“What happened to your nose?” She blurted out, her book forgotten as she shot to her feet, immediately reaching out for his face. 

“It’s fine,” Azriel assured her. “I swear,” he promised but she didn’t believe a word of it when she gently tipped up his chin so that she could see the bruises that painted his far too handsome face. 

“It doesn’t look like it’s fine,” she countered. “Does it hurt? What happened?” she demanded, but he just caught her hand in one of his, lifting it to his lips to press a kiss to her skin. 

“It looks worse than it is. Give it a few hours and it will have disappeared,” he promised her. He didn’t answer that question though, which made her wonder…

“Does it hurt?” she asked him, hesitantly. He shook his head, a slight smile on his face. 

“It’s fine,” Azriel promised her, stepping around her to sit down on the armchair she had orphaned and then held out his hands for her. 

She took them and then let him tug her into his lap, much to her surprise. Not that it was uncomfortable…she could splay her wings out behind herself like that and could curl herself together against his chest. 

“I do have some news for you though,” Azriel said quietly. “I found your father.”

Of all the things she expected him to tell her…this was not one of them. This was the last thing she had expected. The very last thing. She had expected everything else before this. 

What? 

Her father? 

How had he even…How had he done that so quickly? How had he even…

Ask him, her shadows whispered. Just ask him. 

“How?” she croaked out, unsure if she really wanted to know. Unsure if she wanted to…

Azriel had found her father. 

“You smell like him, Sweetheart,” Azriel answered gently, a hand drawing patterns against her spine and she looked into his face, finding him watching her with…she had no idea with what. apprehension? maybe pity? She didn’t know. She didn’t even know if she…

She hadn’t thought that he would find him. 

She had never thought that this was a situation in which she would ever be. 

Cilla had always thought that she was…well, that she was completely alone in the world. That this was just…that her mother had died and that her father…that she would never find out who he was or how exactly she had come to be…and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. Wasn’t sure if that was…something that she should know. 

She had only wanted to know if he had known. Had he known that her mother was pregnant? had he known that he was killing her mother with that pregnancy? Had he known and had slept with her mother regardless? And had he known…had he known that she had existed and hadn’t cared?

Had not even thought about it? 

And how…how did the way she smelled matter? What did that…How did that…

“I smell like him,” she weakly repeated. She smelled like him. And Azriel had, what, recognised the way she smelled and…

Children smell like their children, her shadows supplied. Yes, she knew that but…

“You know him,” Cilla said flatly, meeting his eyes, something hot and…sharp slicing into her chest. He had known. When he had asked her if she wanted to know who her father was…Azriel had already known, hadn’t he? 

“I do,” he agreed. 

He had known. Cilla was not sure how she was supposed to feel about that. Wasn’t sure if she…

“From where?” she bit out, not asking at him, her hands clenching in her chest. 

“Around 500 years ago… an 11-year-old boy beat me into the dirt in an Illyrian War Camp,” Azriel said with some amusement. “That was your father.” 

So they had known each other for 500 years. 

“You lied,” she said, the words tasting bitter on her tongue. “You knew. When you asked me if I wanted to know my father, you already knew,” she accused him.

“I had my…suspicions,” Azriel said carefully. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I did not outright lie. If you told me that you never wanted to meet him, I would have kept it at that.”

Would he really? 

“You would have left me unknowing?” she challenged him, clenching her jaw, her eyes shooting up to meet his. 

It was not helped by the argument their shadows were having. 

He wanted to protect both you and his brother. 

He lied, her own shot back sharply. He should have said the truth!

“Your father is one of my best friends,” Azriel said at that moment, his voice quiet. “Your father…he’s…he’s like a brother to me.”

It didn’t matter. Not really. Just one thing mattered to her. 

“Did he know?” Cilla demanded. 

“No. No, he didn’t know,” Azriel promised her, his hand very gently resuming rubbing her back. “

“And you believe him?” She challenged him. 

“He’s a horrible liar and a good male,” Azriel answered honestly. “I trust him with my life. So yes…I do believe him, Cilla. He had absolutely no idea that you even existed.”

Somehow that didn’t make her feel better. 

She had thought that it would make her feel better, but it couldn’t be further from the truth. He hadn’t known. 

All her life, she had wanted to give somebody the fault for what had happened to her and now…now she came up empty. Because he hadn’t known. He had no clue that she even existed. 

She had just been…invisible. 

“Do you…Do you want to meet him?” Azriel asked her softly, still rubbing her back and she swallowed. 

Meet him? Meet her father? 

Why should she…if…

“He wants to meet you…Cassian feels horrible about what happened to you.”

What.

“You told him?!” she snapped, staring at Azriel wide-eyed. He had told him? He had…”You had no right!” 

She flew off his lap, her wings trembling against her back, fury and pain flaring up inside her. 

“Sweetheart,” Azriel said carefully, holding out his hands, but Cilla trembled with rage. “He would have figured it out once he saw you. You are a shadowsinger, you can’t hide that,” he told her reasonably, and she couldn’t help but bare her teeth. 

“What has that to do with anything?!” she bit out sharply. 

“Cilla…you wouldn’t be a shadowsinger without being traumatised in some way,” Azriel said carefully. “That’s what these shadows are…they are a manifestation of your trauma in many ways. You were locked away into the darkness for years. That leaves scars. I know that better than most.” 

“I am not…I am not crazy,” she snapped, her voice shaking. “I…”

“Of course, you aren’t,” Azriel agreed, carefully standing up.  “Nobody said you were, Cilla.”

“Why did you tell him?” She asked, her voice breaking. Why did he…

“Because he’s your father. Because I needed him to understand what you had gone through. And I knew that Cassian would understand, Sweetheart,” Azriel said quietly, taking a step in her direction. “He understands. I swear to you, he understands.”

But would he understand? Truly? 

She could feel her body trembling, tears burning into her eyes

“Take your time. It’s alright,” Azriel soothed her softly. “I didn’t want to upset you, Sweetheart.”

She closed her eyes for just a moment, welcoming the darkness, her old friend.

You’ll be alright, her shadows whispered, wrapping around her like they had done so very often. It’s alright. 

He’ll understand, Azriel’s shadows whispered. The General has his own…trauma. He understands better than most, we promise.

“Cilla,” Azriel said carefully. “Just…give him a chance. Please,” he requested, his voice so hopeful, so hesitant, that she couldn’t help but…

“You’ll stay,” she requested, her voice shaking. 

“Of course,” Azriel agreed. “I’ll stay…He’s outside,” he said, his voice soft. 

Now? Did he mean now? 

Probably so that she was not going to change her mind after all.

“Just give him a chance,” Azriel implored, holding out her hand and she took it. 

A chance. 

She could do a chance. 

Maybe. 

Even when her body already felt like it was shutting down, her hands trembling in Azriel’s grasp, even as he wrapped an arm around her waist. 

“It will be alright,” he promised her, seeming so pleased with her agreement that Cilla couldn’t help but follow along…couldn’t…

The first thing she noticed about her father…was the fact that he was massive. Even taller than Azriel…broader…and he was pacing. There was a female there, beautiful with brown hair and startlingly silver eyes that had made herself a home at one of the boulders near the edge of the mountain lake…but he was pacing circles around her, wings shaking back and forth. 

That was her father?

She nearly stayed rooted in one spot if Azriel didn’t tug her forward carefully. 

“It’s alright,” he promised her once again, though she wasn’t sure who he was telling that. Was it her or himself? “If you need to go, you’ll just tell me,” he soothed her and she took a deep breath. That was something, right? 

If you need to go, we’ll take you away, his shadows offered immediately. There are a few safe places that we know of. 

“Cassian, you are freaking her out,” said the female drily, and her father swirled around. She nearly stumbled back, she would have stumbled back, if there wasn’t Azriel that she stumbled right into. 

“Come sit down, Sweetheart,” Azriel said softly, as he pushed her towards another one of these boulders, sitting across from the female that gave her a smile. “That’s Cassian and his mate, Nesta,” Azriel handled the introduction. 

Her father was mated?

Had he been mated when…

No, Azriel’s shadows told her immediately. Impossible. Lady Death is just a few years older than you. 

Lady Death? Lady Death?!? 

“Hello, Cilla,” her father said at that moment, allowing her no time to freak out about how this female was called Lady Death by Azriel’s shadows. 

“Hello,” she managed to force out, looking at everything but him, her stomach roiling. She wanted to throw up. She really wanted to throw up. Azriel placed a warm, massive hand on top of her own that had curled into a first, but somehow that didn’t make it any better either. 

Her shadows seemed to sense that she was seconds away from running, gathering into the folds of her skirts, worriedly swirling around her, higher and higher. More and More gathered around the hem of her skirt. 

“You know for Azriel, they hide behind his wings,” Cassian said at that moment and she was so startled that she couldn’t help but look at him…and looked straight into…He looked like her. Not completely. But she could see the similarities, in the shape of his eyes and his face…in his hair… “Yours don’t?”

“No,” she said flatly, immediately regretting it when she saw the near imperceptive flinch he gave. “They like to hide in my hair,” she added as an afterthought. 

“That’s…practical,” Cassian answered, swallowing. It became silent once again. 

“I…I didn’t know you existed,” he blurted out. She couldn’t help but look at him startled. “If I had known, I would have…I would have taken care of you. I was born a bastard. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t put any child through the same,” he told her, nearly pleading with her to understand.” 

She had no idea what to say to that. 

If he had known, maybe her life would have been…very different. 

But she still didn’t know…still didn’t know why he even cared. Why did he even want to meet her? He had a mate. If he wanted children, he could just have them with, Cilla supposed. 

Better than her at any rate. 

“What do you want from me?” she asked him, forcing out these words, because she had no idea what else to ask him. 

“What I want from you?” he echoed, sounding unbelieving. 

“Yes. I am an adult now. You don’t need to take care of me any more,” she said with a shrug. She could manage on her own. Somehow. 

“I…I want to get to know you,” Cassian answered and her eyebrows furrowed. Why? “You are my daughter,” he said like that explained everything. Maybe for him, it did. For her…

Cilla was bristling before she even knew what she was doing. “Only because you fathered me, doesn’t make me your daughter,” she told him, her arms crossing in front of her chest. ”You know nothing about me.” 

“Then let me learn.” He said that so easily. 

Like that was all she needed to do. Just give in. Just let him...

"Just give me a chance. Please. I know you have no reason to trust me, but I am not...I do not want anything from you but this. I swear it to you on my life." 

[frannyzooey]

Short Days, Long Nights: 16

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Series Masterlist

Rating: Mature (some explicit mentions, tense situations, mentions of child starvation)

A/N: this chapter wouldn’t exist without @the-scandalorian and @bageldaddy , period. Literally walking me through it line by line, I could say a lot of really gushy things about them but I’ll refrain…just know, you two, that I could kiss you directly on the mouth. And will, when we meet someday. ❤️

—

A blanket hung to keep her in the shade, the sound of June’s babbling lifts into the air to join the soft give of roots snapping beneath the soil as you pull carrots from the garden. The distant splintering of dried out boards giving way occasionally cracks through the background, Joel grabbing another piece of rotted wood at the base of the shed and tearing it clean off, tossing it over with the rest he’s collected.

Brushing a drip of sweat away from your temple with your dirt-dried hand, you make a face at the gritty path you’ve left behind. 

“You wanna go for a swim?” you coo over at June, her cheeks plumping into a corresponding wet grin when you smile at her. 

Her bottom teeth coming in, drool pools around the carrot she’s gumming and slides down over her chubby grip, the edge of it glistening in her mouth. 

You make faces at her, her dark eyes fixed on your face in bright delight until her attention catches something behind you, and you turn when she starts to crawl towards it. 

“How are my girls doing?”

His shirt ringed with sweat and molded to his body, Joel blocks out the sun when you look up at him. His hand rakes through his dark curls, pushing the wet strands away from his forehead as his chest rises and falls with heavy breaths, the pulse in his throat thrumming fast under his flushed skin. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, he lifts it to swipe it over his face and your eyes flash down, where even his torso looks wet: the dark hair that collects in a swirl around his belly button to lead down matted and damp. 

He watches with amusement as June crawls over to his boot with unsteady movements, her face set with determination. 

“Hey, baby girl.” His tiredness transforms into something softer when he greets her, his eyes crinkling deeply around the edges. A dimple catching under his beard, he bends to scoop her up from the ground, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “I think I got enough over there to do somethin’ with. Definitely enough to board up that broken window in her room this afternoon.”

The glass broke while you were cleaning it: old age and the elements and a warped frame all contributing, and with the mosquitos being thick at night, she’d been sleeping in your room for the time being. 

“I can fix that shelf in the pantry with one of ‘em,” he continues, “and if anything else, save the rest for burnin’ in the winter.”

A rotted shelf in the pantry breaking in half, the chair in the living room finally losing a leg, an area of the deck now off limits: exposed to the elements and after withstanding years of neglect, the cabin was having trouble standing up to the constant wear of its new inhabitants. Joel had been fixing things as they happened, but with a limited supply of resources, the plan to stay infinitely that you both made months ago was starting to fray. 

The garden was going better than you could have expected, but the rest…the rest worried you. Running out of material to cut up and make do with, June’s clothing situation was beyond scarce. With the repetitive washing that everything had to stand up against, it was always fast to fall apart. Lucky that it was summer and so hot that she didn’t really need much, you had started to piece together things for the winter but there was only so much thread you could pull out of things, only so much you could fix and repurpose. 

Joel felt the pinch too, in his own way. Voicing his frustration, he’d tell you how he would repair things if only he had the right materials, recounting to you the actual issue and the thought process behind fixing it. Even reminiscing about the hardware store days of past, he’d mentioned more than once the one right by his house that he liked to visit, the one with free popcorn for Sarah while he browsed. 

With every item that broke and with every growth milestone that June reached, you could feel the encroaching pressure to make a choice: leave this place for the dangerous unknown, or stay and attempt to survive the dangers of isolation. 

Either was a gamble, and so undecided, you kept fixing what you could, with what you had. 

You eye the shed, your eyebrow lifting as you study the now sizable hole in the side. 

“What?” he asks.

“Nothing. I was just thinking about how we don’t really need the shed for anything, so if we need more wood, we can just chop the whole thing down. Right?”

You stand and he nods, using his forearm to swipe at more sweat that’s gathered along his hairline. Streaks of dirt and dust are smeared along the bare skin, and when June reaches out to grab at his face, he catches her hand and gives it a kiss. 

You admire them for a moment: the taut muscle in his forearm underneath her bottom, the collection of gray hairs gathered at the edge of his jaw that she grabs at, his wayward curls that match her own. They smile at each other, her face diving into his chest just above the collar of his shirt, and he laughs, gently tickling her back. 

When he catches you watching him, you think you’d see a faint blush creep over his cheeks if they weren’t flushed from the heat already. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” you smile, turning to lead them down to the water. 

You’re still smiling as he lays her out on the bank to get her undressed, watching his thick fingers brush against her cheeks just to chuckle at the way she chases them with an open mouth. Standing up with a soft groan, he strips down to his underwear.

Bare chested and tanned in front of you, his body is formidable without his clothing. Marred with the scars of survival and so familiar to you by now, he appears even bigger in comparison when he lifts June up. His large hand completely covers her dimpled bottom as they prepare to wade in, and his back facing you, your eyes run appreciatively down the broad slope. 

Feeling your gaze, he smirks, and a glimmer of the confident, teasing Joel that’s been coaxed out of hiding peeks from beneath the surface. “See somethin’ you like?”

“There is something about when you hold her,” you admit. “You look so…big and strong.”

Rising on your tiptoes, you tuck your face into his neck to hide from the slight embarrassment you feel. Finding his sweat salt skin with your mouth, you give him a kiss and he hums in appreciation, the vibration of it felt against your lips when you give him another one. 

“You really like it, huh.” More a smug statement than a question, his expression matches his tone when you pull back to look at him. 

“I do,” you murmur, nosing along the edge of his jaw. “It makes me wanna have all your babies.”

Drunk on the heat of the afternoon sun and on your affection for him, you smile lazily up at him and he grins right back, winding his arm around your waist to keep you close. 

“S’that right,” he murmurs, low and gravely. His voice slips through you and your pulse picks up, his humid breath ghosting across your lips. “All of ‘em, huh?”

You nod, and with hooded eyes, he grins. 

“Don’t jinx us now, honey. Can’t be sayin’ that kinda stuff.”

His dark eyes make a slow, heated circuit down to your collarbones and back up, and arousal hooks behind your belly button fast and sharp. 

Dragging his gaze from you, he turns his attention to June. “Besides, I think this squirrely girl is all we can handle right now, anyway.”

His shoulders swathed in sunlight, Joel wades in as you strip to join them. The water is crisp and cool against your skin when you slip in, and you submerge yourself for a moment before resurfacing closer to them. 

Joel holds June around her back as he lets her float on the surface, water from her kicking legs flying up to cover his bare chest.

“You gonna be a swimmer? You gonna be a fish, baby?”

It’s easy to forget that the outside world exists when there is nothing but bird song and cicadas and the rippling water around you. No infection, no death, no fight for survival. Just Joel carefully scooping water to pour over June’s head, his soothing voice telling her to hold her breath as he ducks them under the surface, his practiced movements carefully transferring her into a one armed hold when you swim closer.

Tilting your chin up, you offer your wet mouth to him for a kiss. 

His body is firm and warm against yours, your hand reaching to cup the curve of his jaw to deepen the press of your mouths together and the kiss pulls you in just like the current that wraps and molds your body close to his. Slipping your arms around his neck, you savor his taste until June lets out a soft cry. 

Her wet fist rubbing at her eye, you reach to take her in for her afternoon nap.  Emerging from the water, you feel the awakened heat in his gaze trained on your body all the way up to the cabin. 

June is fast asleep in your room when he lays you out on the bed in the room next door, squeezing your bodies together on the twin-sized narrowness. His broad shoulders flex and shift under your knees, his river damp curls sliding through your hold as he licks you open, and when you arch into the wet heat of his mouth with a silent cry, he swallows everything you give him with a rumbled groan. 

His skin is dry and smooth against yours when he fits his solid body between your legs, reaching down to guide himself into a place reserved just for him with slick, filling stretch and he murmurs his secret wants directly into your skin, a push inside you for each one.  

“Wish you could have all my babies. Make you the prettiest momma.” 

He breathes against the valley of your breasts, into the hollow under your ear, and against your mouth, just before he captures it with a kiss. His words dripping with reverence, you keen underneath him, arching your back to force him deeper. 

“I wish I could too,” you softly moan. “I want it.” 

Blatant hunger slips into his movements, harsh, filling punches of his hips bringing you up and over the edge, and your mouths stay together in a humid press until you feel him come, his need spilling thick along the inside of your thigh.

Afterwards, his sated body relaxes on top of yours.

Your fingers collect his curls in a rhythmic, soothing motion, following the timing of your chest rising and falling beneath his cheek. His breath puffs across your skin, and your eyes flutter shut, the heat of the afternoon lulling you to sleep. 

Twitching lightly in his sleep, his hold on you tightens and the corner of your mouth lifts. His weighted body covering yours like a shield, a gentle breeze stirs the stagnant air around you, and a tendril of a thought slips through your sleepy mind.

Heaven. 

–

Your fingers dance along the produce in the pantry, your lips moving silently as you keep count in your head. More food than you could have ever dreamed of when you first broached the plan, the produce now crowds out the canned goods, and shifting in your crouch, you let the sun into the small space, narrowing your eyes in focus.

The back door to the cabin bangs open, startling you, and June launches into a responding cry seconds later, just as Joel rounds the doorway. Before you can stand, he hooks his hand around your elbow, tugging you up. 

“Go to the bedroom. Now.”

“What –”

“Someone’s comin’. I heard 'em’ in the woods. A couple of ‘em at least.”

Stomach bottoming out in immediate panic, you scramble up and head to your bedroom, scooping up June along the way. Bouncing her lightly in your arms to quell her cries, a cold sweat breaks out along your back, and crossing the hallway, you head for the predetermined snug spot in the corner next to the dresser, grabbing your gun from the top drawer. 

“You stay until I tell you it’s safe, okay? Don’t move from this spot. You got your gun? It loaded?”

The serious, frantic edge to his words has you answering him immediately, your back pressing against the wall as you slide down into place. Giving you both one last look to ensure you’re where you need to be, he rounds the corner and disappears from sight, and you have to fight the lurch your body involuntarily makes in an effort to follow him. 

You’ve practiced for this exact scenario multiple times, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. During practice, there is no cold terror at what could happen. During practice, it was easy to go through every movement with calm motions. 

Now,  you try to inhale deep, steady breaths in an attempt to slow down the pounding of your heart, knowing June will sense your unease.

“Shhh, baby. It’s okay. I know, I know. It’s okay.” Your voice comes out low and smooth, your shaking hand betraying your nerves as it rubs circles over her back. 

Straining to hear over her hiccuping whimpers, you try to listen outside the bedroom. 

Nothing, for what seems like ages, and then:

“STOP.” 

Flinching when Joel’s voice breaks through, you shut your eyes tight, reflexively tightening your hold on June’s small body. 

–

“Put your hands up.”

A lone woman emerging from the tree line halts mid step, reluctantly pulling her hand away from the pistol at her hip. 

Weathered and weary looking, she looks almost frail in her slight build and Joel scans her for any more visible weapons. His own gun gripped tight with the butt of it against his shoulder, he slowly advances, his finger resting alongside the trigger.

“What do you want?”

“I was just passing by and I saw your cabin,” she calls out. “Thought I might see if anyone was home.”

“Bullshit. You can’t see this place from the road.”

A beat of weighted silence fills the grassy space between them, and the woman changes her story. 

“Fine. We –”

“We? How many?”

Her eyebrow lifts, along with the corner of her mouth. Avoiding the question, she continues. “We saw your garden. Thought maybe we would help ourselves. Especially now, since it’s just you out here.” Direct and laced with the barest taunt, her tone implies the easy confidence of someone who has the upperhand. 

Reluctantly shifting his gaze from her, he scans the trees, searching. A branch cracks somewhere within the woods, something shifting in the distance, and when he steps in the direction of it, she brings his attention back to her. 

“It looked like you have enough to share.”

“We don’t.”

An instinctual reaction tied to his days as a raider, Joel’s mind digs deep for the old lines he used to say. Lie about your numbers. Lie. 

“Don’t think about tryin’ anything’ either,” he asserts. “Heard you the second you walked onto this land. We got eyes on you from all sides.”

She lets her head fall to the side, frowning in skepticism. “I think we both know that’s not true.”

She takes a step forward, and Joel’s heart pounds in his chest, his face outwardly calm as his finger shifts to rest over the trigger. 

“You got enough ammo to kill us all?” She tests the waters, taking another small step forward, but when Joel trains the barrel of his gun on her and presses forward, she stops. 

“Listen.” Her face steels, hardening. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.  You can let us take what we need and we’ll leave after that, or we can kill you and then take what we need. Your choice.”

His jaw ticks, anger rising in his chest. “You’re not takin’ a goddamn thing. Get the fuck out of here before –”

A faint cry pierces the air, and he freezes, the woman doing the same. Joel’s body goes rigid at the sound of June’s cry, the woman’s eyes widening, and she peers over his shoulder at the cabin. 

June’s cries stutter for a moment before picking up in volume, and he pictures the exact face he knows she’s making. He knows that cry: an upset one that won’t settle any time soon. His heart lurches, an instinctual pull flooding through him to leave and soothe her. 

He pulls up straight instead, adjusting his aim square at the woman’s face.

Her hands quickly raise higher, this time facing outwards in supplication. “Look, I didn’t know.” Gesturing towards the woods, her tone softens. “We have kids too. The food is for them.”

Before Joel can move, a horse emerges from between the trees. And then another, then another. Trying to keep them all in his sight, the group collects in the area in front of him; June’s cries growing louder in their pitch from inside the cabin.

“Please,” one of the riders says. A woman, with a small child seated in front of her in the saddle. “If you have anything –”

“I already said we don’t.”

The coldness in his statement dies as his eyes focus on the kid’s face. While the rest of the group has their eyes on Joel, the child isn’t paying attention to him and his gun. Their eyes are solely fixed around the back of the cabin and have been since they emerged from the woods. On the garden, just beyond. 

“Please,” the rider begs one more time, quieter this time. “Please. We’ll take anything.”

Joel’s eyes linger on the kid’s slight frame, on the sunken rings underneath their eyes. Their face looks haunted, as if resigned to their hunger, and scolding himself for even wavering this long, he’s still thinking when the group's collective gaze shifts to something behind him. 

A door opening, then closing. 

Hearing the crunch of footsteps behind him, he sighs deeply, frustration evident in his disappointed tone.

“Go back inside.”

–

June quieted and left in the cabin, he burns next to you when you come to join him. 

“I heard everything through the window,” you explain. “I figured if you haven’t shot by now, it would be safe to come out.” 

A tension thrumming between your bodies in the air, you ignore the heat of his scolding stare. 

“Kids, Joel.” The word is spoken to him like a plea, and his jaw ticks before you take a look at the group for yourself. 

The first people you’ve seen in over a year. 

Worse for the wear with the sallow features of the starved, they look less…intimidating than you expected them to be. None of them have that shifty, hardened edge that you’d come to recognize in the QZ, nor the menacing, cruel stare of the people you’d met on the road before. They don’t look like how you imagine the other intruder looked either, the one you still see in your nightmares sometimes. 

Instead, they just look…tired. Hungry. The children seem dirty, but cared for. The mothers protect them in their slouched hold, the men remaining frozen under Joel’s command to stay still, his gun trained on the woman closest to him.

You picture the garden you heard them ask for: the basket of carrots still sitting in the sun, the squash vines spilling over the fence. You know they could kill you right here on the spot - but they don’t. They could have come in with guns drawn because you know they have them, but Instead they wait, trying to protect their kids. 

“I’m not gonna say it again, honey,” Joel seethes, measured and low. “Go back inside.”

“We’ll trade you.” 

A voice comes from a woman, clearly the leader of the group with the way they all keep glancing her way in silent deference, waiting. For someone staring down the barrel of a gun, she appears calm, her expression a practiced blank slate. Her age hard to determine due to the dust covering her skin, her voice is clear and measured, like she’s used to negotiating. 

“You don’t look like you have anythin’ to trade,” Joel replies coolly.

Thinking of your dwindling supplies outside of food, you rest your hand on his arm. “What’ve you got?” 

“What do you need?” she replies. 

Joel’s head tilts in warning, his feet shifting to further solidify his stance. “Answer her question.”

Her eyes run down the length of you, taking in your measure for a moment. “Got some liquor if you want it.” She gestures towards a saddle bag with a tilt of her chin, but Joel is already shaking his head. 

“Already got some.”

She quirks her eyebrow up. “Fine. Some medicine?”

“What kind?” you ask. 

“Painkillers. Ibuprofen. Tylenol. Might help with –”

“Already got some of that too,” he cuts her off. 

Sighing, the woman appears to think. Glancing at a man to the left of her, they have a silent conversation for a moment before she looks over at the garden. Staring at it for a moment, she brings her eyes back to you. 

“What about a horse?”

Joel’s jaw tightens in distrust. “Like you’re just gonna give us a horse. How much food do you think you’re gonna get from us?”

She shrugs, ignoring his anger to focus directly on you. “It’s yours, if you give us enough food for all of us. Not just the kids. Respectfully, it looks like you have plenty. Certainly enough for two people and a baby.”

The assumption in her tone and the challenge in mentioning your true numbers makes Joel bristle, but the woman doesn’t back down. If anything, she straightens taller, rising to his unspoken challenge. 

Tough and firm, she waits. 

Leaning towards him, you lower your voice so only he can hear it. “I can give them some of the –” 

He cuts you off with an immediate glare. “We need that food. You know it.”

“Yea, but we don’t need all of it. We have some to spare.”

He stares at you in stern, silent disagreement, and you continue. “I was just in the pantry. We can’t eat it all, Joel. I know what’s in there. Trust me. Those kids need to eat. They can have those carrots that I just picked, and –”

His eyes flit quickly back and forth between the group and your face, not wanting to keep his attention from them for too long. 

“It’s a horse, Joel. A horse.”

He narrows his eyes at you, a war within them. You know he knows the value of what they are offering. Eventually, he relents.

“We ain’t givin’ up our fresh stuff. If we have anything – anything - it’s gonna be the old stuff.”

Thinking of the sallow child in the saddle, you silently challenge him, but he stays resolute in his expression. 

“Fine,” you back down. “The old stuff.”

“Some of the old stuff. Not all of it.”

In agreement, you face the group again. 

“Don’t move,” Joel instructs. Flicking his head in the direction of the cabin, he motions to you. “She can get you some things, and then you need to be on your way.”

“What about the horse?” the woman asks. “One of us has to move if you want it. Where should we tie it up?”

He thinks for a moment, keeping his gun trained on her. Picking a spot a ways away from the cabin, he jerks his chin towards it. 

“Leave ‘em over there.”

–

Two faded floral pillowcases in your grip filled with what you could spare, you approach the group with careful and cautious steps, Joel taking a couple of slow strides to the left to keep you in his sights. 

“Are you okay?” the woman murmurs quietly when you reach her, glancing at Joel. 

Looking at her up close, there is a softness to her that you couldn’t see from far away. Her skin is weathered but still youthful, her long brown hair tied in a loose knot at the nape of her neck and you recognize concern held in her gaze.

You frown, not understanding. 

“That man there,” she tilts her chin at Joel. “He seems like a hard one. Is he keeping you here?”

Right when you’re about to defend him, June cries again, making her displeasure at being left alone again known. 

Leveling you with a look, the woman repeats herself, this time more direct. “I mean it. Are you okay? Do you need us to help you?” 

The implication is all over her face: a hard, threatening man all alone in the woods with a young woman. Holding her captive, forcing himself on her. A grim reality you’d seen plenty of times before, you understand her concern. Still, your response is a cool one, protective in your own right. “I’m fine. He’s just protecting us, like you’re doing with your own people.”

She studies your face for the truth. “He hasn’t hurt you or the baby, has he?”

“Of course not.” You understand her questioning, you do. Softening the edge to your response, you add, “He’s - he’s mine. We’re together. That’s our daughter crying.”

Her body language seems to relax along with her frown and she nods. Taking the sacks from you, she turns to pack them into the saddle bag of the horse next to her. 

“Must have been scary, giving birth out here all alone.”

You huff, a small smile at the edge of your lips to disguise the way the memory makes you swallow hard. “Yea, it wasn’t ideal. We were lucky.”

“I helped her do the same a couple months ago.” The woman tilts her chin at another woman in the back of the group, and for the first time, you notice a small bundle wrapped tight to her chest. Hidden, protected from the elements. “You heal okay?”

“It was…rough, but I’m good now.”

Seeming satisfied in her questioning, she digs around in the pouch for a moment. Fishing out a jar, she hands it to you. 

“I’m not sure how old your daughter is, but…here. Just in case you need it.”

A bottle of infant Tylenol being pressed into your hand, you look up to ask if she’s sure, but she cuts you off. 

“Listen. We’re headed West. Towards Ja –”

“Jackson?” you interrupt, and her eyebrows raise. Joel’s impatience radiating from his position behind you, you ignore it. “Someone came by a couple of months ago and tried to take what we had. Joel took care of it. We found the map in his pocket.”

She smirks. “So he’s real protective of you then.”

“Is it real? Jackson?”

Unsure if you should be prolonging this conversation or even informing them you know the way they’re going, you can’t help the question spilling from your mouth. Curiosity pulled at you for months after you found that map, the destination now even more intriguing after seeing children in the saddle. 

“Far as we know,” she replies, stuffing the bags away. “We heard from someone that it's safe. Safer than a QZ, though that doesn’t say much. They’re trying to keep it quiet, so they aren’t overrun with people, but…” her eyes flick towards the cabin. “It’s supposed to be off the grid. A place for families.”

Joel grits out your name behind you, and keeping the children in the forefront of your mind, you rush to say goodbye, giving her a warning.  

“You can’t stay in the area or he will shoot you. I promise you, he will.” Clear and direct with your words, you think you see something of understanding laced with respect cross her features. Before you can stop yourself, you add in haste, “There is another cabin about two miles from here though. We’ve been in it, and it’s clean and safe for you all to stay the night. You can eat, get some rest.”

Her shrewd gaze takes you in for a moment, and you squeeze the medicine held in your grip, praying you won’t come to regret what you just said. 

The edge of her mouth lifts in a small smile, and you let out a breath just as Joel says your name again, this time in a stern clip.

“Tess,” she says. Acknowledging the way Joel just told her your name, she offers her own. “My name is Tess. And thank you.”

The two of you coming to a silent understanding, you take a step back as she swings up onto the horse next to her, joining a rider already in the saddle. Motioning to the group with her hand, they all start to move. 

“Thanks,” she says to Joel as she passes, but he stays silent.

Leveling her with a frown, he keeps his gun trained on her until they disappear into the trees. 

–

Backing into the cabin to ensure it stays clear,  Joel only lowers his weapon after the door is closed. You follow him cautiously into the bedroom, waiting for him to erupt. 

You can tell he wants to, a tight bundle of anger set between his shoulder blades. His body is stiff as he picks June up to make sure she’s okay, and all the while, he keeps his back to you, as if trying to stay calm in her presence. 

Her safety confirmed, he hands her to you before stalking back out to head straight for the traps and even after checking those, he stays on the front porch with his rifle, waiting. 

Busying yourself with calming June down and eventually feeding her dinner, his anger with you weighs heavily in the space. Peeking every so often at his stern profile through the window, you put June to bed for the night, avoiding him as long as possible. 

Afraid of the disappointment you’ll see on his face, you linger by June’s cradle long after she falls asleep, questioning your decisions over and over again in your mind. 

In the end, you keep coming back to her milk cheeked profile as she sleeps. 

The clothes you piece together for her. The lack of medicine should she get sick. The even worse situation she’d be in if either of you did. The people that came by today, the conflict that was avoided because they were reasonable. 

You were right to give those children food. You know you were. If that had been June in the saddle, you would have done anything to get her food — including making a promise not to come back, especially knowing another child was depending on that source for their survival. 

It required belief in people instead of immediate distrust, and though you couldn’t explain how you knew, you just knew they could be trusted. 

Leaving her to join him on the porch, you’re expecting a calmer discussion with the hours that have passed, but he is still angry. Angrier than you’ve seen him in a long time. 

Part nervous, part sorry, and part wanting to defend yourself, you tuck your arms around your torso and step outside to where his profile greets you. 

“I’m sorry, but I couldn’t just let them go, Joel. I couldn’t not give them anything. They were starving.”

He says nothing, keeping his eyes resolutely on the woods in front of him. 

“Please come inside. They aren’t coming back.”

He faces you, his voice cutting. “And how do you know that, huh?” 

You swallow hard, bracing yourself. “I told them about the other cabins. I told them they could stay the night there and get some rest if they needed – “

“What the hell is wrong with you?” His eyes flash in the darkness, his expression twisted with frustration. “We don’ want them to stay close. They need to move on, so we know they aren’t comin’ back for what we have.”

“They aren’t.”

“You think just because they said so, they won’t? You can’t just trust what people tell you. I know it’s been awhile, but I thought you woulda remembered that.”

Hurt cuts through you at his dismissive tone. This version of Joel is one you haven’t seen in a long time, a shadow of the man he was before he met you and it hurts, to be back where you were. To have him look at you the way he is. Blinking back tears, regret starts to seep into your mind, but you fight against it. 

You know he’s just protecting his own, and you are one of those people. His. 

“The woman said they are headed to Jackson.” 

At the mention of the town, he looks back at you. 

“Did you see the kids with them? One of the riders had a baby, around the same size as June. That woman – Tess? She helped deliver it.”

Chastened, he looks down at the ground at your mention of that time. 

“They wouldn’t start trouble with that many kids around. I know it.”

“They gotta feed them kids, don’t they?” He delivers his statement bluntly, looking up to hold eye contact with you. Weariness rings his eyes, his tone no less scolding for it. “You know just as much as I do that you would do anything for June. Anything. Including lyin’ to someone just to turn around and steal what they have.”

The truth in his words hangs heavy in the air between the two of you, and you press on. 

“I gave them ample food. They have no reason to come back. I even put some meat in there –”

At this, he stands, outraged. His jaw ticks as he glares at you for a long moment, eventually letting out a huff of disbelief. 

“Hell, why not some ammo too?”

Shaking his head, he glances away. 

Disappointment pours off his body, his back to you and a tear slips down over your cheek. All the words you practiced saying to him die on your tongue, every good point turning to ash under the heat of his anger. You understand his worry because it’s also your own worry, but…the way the woman looked at you, the way those women held their children, the hope held in the woman’s eyes as she talked about Jackson? 

They weren’t coming back. You knew they weren’t. 

You’d thought he’d at least be happy about the horse, but the thought of another mouth to feed keeps your own closed. 

Sitting back down, he flexes his hold on his rifle, resting it across his lap. His eyes won’t meet yours. 

“I’m gonna stay up and keep watch. Just in case they do decide to come back. You should just…go to bed.”

All of the fight sucked out of you, you nod at his dismissal and turn, going back inside. 

–

His disappointment in you eats at him.

Flares bright as he sits up all night, waiting for their shadowy figures to reappear. Simmers as he hears you soothe June back to sleep after feeding her. Lingers with a fade in his chest as the sun lightens the horizon, inky black turning into pinkish dawn. 

He knows you saw those children and gave without hesitation, thinking of June. He knows that. But he’s also thinking of June. Always. Equal parts impressed and frustrated by the hope that still exists inside you even after you’ve seen what the outside world is still capable of, he doesn’t know how you can still trust. You still give; you’re still kind. 

He appreciates those qualities in you, but to give away your rations and to take a gamble on them not coming back is more than letting your hope win. It’s dangerous, and he wishes you could see that. 

He knows now that this will happen again. Clearly a route marked on that map, it’ll be used in the coming months by other people. The fact that they could see your garden was bad enough, but the fact that it was a group of people was even worse. 

He can defend you against one man, but a group? There are limits to his skills; he knows more than anyone. 

You can’t stay here anymore. 

He fights against the knowledge, the memory of Sarah now woven in with the surroundings. So much more than a place for the three of you to stay hidden from the world, he sees it as a place where the four of you thrived: the ghost of Sarah visiting him freely here, as a welcomed presence. Finally not something he pushed to the darkest, safest corners of his mind as a means to keep her memory away from what the world turned into. 

Even in death, he protected her. 

He knows she’ll follow him wherever he goes, but that doesn’t solve the problem of wanting to be the father he’s got the chance to be with June as he is here — not as who he’d have to be, if you left. 

His palm running along the smooth barrel of the gun, he stares into the dark woods and keeps watch, his weary eyes ringed with the need for sleep. 

Jackson. 

Responsible for your safety and well being, does he take the gamble and bring you there? Does he find another spot hidden deeper in the woods, hoping that one won’t be discovered? One requires faith in the words of other people, the other requires faith only in his own skills. After everything he’s seen and done, he knows which way he wants to lean…but still, he thinks. 

Acknowledging the strength in numbers that you’ve been missing this whole time, a group encountering this place was a liability, but to be part of a group - that was a strength. Resources to help if June should get sick, other people around to take care of her if either of you should. Clothes, shoes, a shelter that isn’t slowing falling apart. 

Those were just the basics of human necessity, but other things worm their way into his mind. The things not needed to live, but needed to thrive. Socialization, a community. An image of  Sarah on the soccer field projects against the dark field in front of him; all grin and bright eyes at sleepovers, running around the park he used to bring her to when she wanted to play with her friends. 

Any QZ that he’s been in was never the suburb full of children that he raised Sarah in, but at least there were other kids. Other people. A means to provide more than what you could, here. And with Jackson being a place being off the grid…there was a possibility it was better than a QZ. The world-worn cynic in him knew it was a long shot, but still.

He pictures your shadowed face in the darkness, as you argued with him. The earnestness in your eyes, the words you used to try to make him understand your reasoning behind trusting them. He was too mad then to listen, but now…he understands why. 

Not only your belief in those people, but your belief in general. Understands that you’ve always needed to believe in something, in order for any of this to work. 

“No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.” 

He said that to you in bed one night, speaking of you and June, and he thinks about how you’ve always believed it in the same thing your own way: your something to fight for was a future still possible. 

One that you’ve shown him to be true.

Rising stiff limbed from his position on the porch, it’s almost light when he wanders back into the silent cabin. 

He tries to be quiet in the kitchen as he digs through the drawer for the map, and finding it, places it on the counter. 

Making his way to the bedroom, he crawls into the space behind your curved spine and tucks himself around it, holding you close. 

In your sleep, you reach for him and grasping your hand in his, he fits the bridge of his nose into the soft nape of your neck and closes his eyes. 

[yanderes-galore]

This is sort of a collab between me and @okchijt as we were discussing this on Discord while I was writing this. I'm in a watch party with them to watch Helluva Boss so... Here's some self indulgence about Blitzø :) Pacing is a bit everywhere due to our conversation process. Here's the pure brainrot!

Please Read Trigger Warnings For Mature Themes, The moment you click Read More you have consented to seeing this content.

Yandere! Blitzø Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Clingy behavior, Manipulation, Gaslighting/Blackmail, Trauma, Overprotective/Possessive behavior, Fear of attachment/vulnerability, Enabling behavior, Jealousy, Delusional behavior, Mentions of Death, Paranoia, Poor mental health, Swearing, Mature content, Secret picture taking, Violence/Murder, Forced date, Blood, Threats, Guilt-tripping, Mentions of intimacy/Sexual content but nothing too graphic, Intoxication, Forced/Dubious relationship.

Word Count: 1446 words.

Blitz is an obsessive stalker yandere who is fiercely protective/controlling of his obsession.

The moment you leave his sight, Blitz has a tendency to panic.

He needs to know where you are and only trusts a select few people with you.

Said people are Loona, Millie, and Moxxie.

This is most likely an AU after Stolas and Blitz "break up".

In that case, Blitz may not trust Stolas around you.

Speaking of Stolas, said Owl Prince may be jealous and condescending towards you due to Blitz trying to be with you.

I'm going to be honest, Blitz would be a mess as a yandere.

His whole life he's wanted that domestic sort of life with his obsession.

He craves connection, even if he originally tries to push you away.

But if you manage to stay despite what he says... then you have a clingy Imp on your hands.

He's known you for awhile, be that as one of his employees or a close friend who sticks around despite what he says.

The obsession probably starts in this concept with you comforting him about Stolas.

He's scared to let you in at first, not wanting to look vulnerable.

However, push hard enough and be there for him?

Well now he can't let you go.

Like... LITERALLY.

Blitz is surprisingly affectionate towards you once he's attached, both verbally and physically.

Blitz would want his obsession to get along with Loona, his adopted daughter.

Speaking of which, Loona may be a subtle manipulator or step in if you decide to neglect to turn on Blitz.

Especially if it benefits her.

Moxxie would be concerned for the relationship between you two.

He may try to speak up about it, but the others would shut him down.

Which would cause him to just... stay quiet despite your feelings.

Although, Millie would enable everything, thinking the bond you have is cute.

When Blitz turns obsessive, Moxxie may be your only ally.

Moxxie tries to ease your worries, he genuinely wants to find a way to help both you and Blitz.

However... Blitz would be so UPSET if he saw you so close to Moxxie.

He has a fear of losing you, while he knows Moxxie won't steal you from him... he hates you being close with others.

As a result, Blitz may isolate you socially... or insert himself into everything you do with others.

For example, if you were clubbing... he's coming to.

Anywhere you go, he'll be there... be it out of sight or right by your side.

He's so obsessive with the idea of a "healthy" relationship, he completely forgets the fact he is actively messing up the only somewhat normal relationship he has again... since you've been with him through nearly everything already, he's blind to his actions.

What doesn't help is no one but Moxxie points out the issues.

Definitely bans any sort of mention of Stolas in I.M.P.

He doesn't want you or anyone bringing up his past relationships as he wants to move on with his new beloved.

He genuinely thinks you're his perfect match and refuses to hear anyone else out on it.

Blitz is normally really clingy and hard to get rid of, so he usually doesn't need to resort to kidnapping.

However, if he did, he'd lock you in his apartment with max security.

Going back to Loona, she'd pity you a bit but not actually help you.

In fact, she's literally the guard dog for Blitz.

You won't be able to leave as Loona can hear every movement you make.

If you're caught, she'll tell Blitz, or convince you to go back to bed beside Blitz on the couch.

It would be hard to even leave the couch as Blitz practically digs his claws into you and clings to you as he sleeps.

If you worked with him, you'd slowly be unable to go on missions since the job is so dangerous.

In fact, Blitz may keep you with Loona, it's unknown who's babysitting who though.

He may not care much about his own safety, but he cares a lot about you.

He'd probably break if you died on him.

Speaking of which, Blitz has already lost a ton of people in his life anyways.

If you, the only person who genuinely gave a shit, died on him?

You can bet he just... never recovers.

Not even the others can fix him.

Which is why he is so insistent on hiding you away.

Blitz would hate it if you neglected him affection, clinging to you like you're his only lifeline.

If you eventually caved and gave him affection, even out of pity, he'd break down in your arms.

That way he thinks you love him back... and he just wants to be loved.

Blitz would stalk you constantly, taking pictures and recordings along with following you wherever you go.

Human, Hellborn, Sinner, whatever... he'd follow you everywhere no matter where you went.

Be that another layer of Hell, or the human world, he just needs to be near you.

Your status and species of demon/human would change the dynamic between you and Blitz in some ways too.

He may even baby you, he isn't trying to be condescending, but he just...finds babying you cute.

Blitz is extremely manipulative, he may even be the type of yandere to gaslight or blackmail you into staying with him.

He'd guilt you into staying with him by saying "you're the only one that bothered to help him".

If he was drunk, he'd start rambling about how you helped him... essentially starting to trauma dump on you.

If you tried to point out the issues in your relationship with him, he'd act like there's nothing wrong.

If you tried to leave him and guilting doesn't work, he's find dirt on you and blackmail you into staying beside him.

Blitz would force you onto little dates (Like horse riding).

He's thinking you two are having fun, in reality you probably aren't.

Honestly, would it even be a Blitz concept if I didn't mention violence or murder in some way?

If you got hurt on a mission, Blitz would lose it.

No one would need to help him, he'd single handedly slaughter everyone around him.

By the time the bloodbath is over, he's covered in the stuff and immediately pulling you close.

He'd coo over you, telling you there's no need to worry... he took care of it.

That would most likely be when he'd pull you off missions, too.

If he ever lost you somewhere, he's threatening everyone for answers on your whereabouts.

You're so isolated with him there's barely any issue when it comes to "rivals".

Although, if he somehow sees you secretly speaking with someone other than him... he'd threaten them and if that doesn't work, he may attack them like some sort of feral cat.

Blitz would not blame his darling for anything, he's that delusional.

He thinks you could do no wrong and just blames those around you.

Obviously others are the problem, not him.

That includes Moxxie, as I can see him thinking Moxxie is trying to turn you against Blitz.

Ever seen scenes with Blitz being affectionate with Loona or the others?

Yeah, he's like that with you, but more intense.

He's practically all over you when it comes to affection.

Blitz sees everyone as a threat to his relationship with you.

Maybe not Millie or Loona, but that may include Moxxie.

It definitely includes Stolas due to his paranoia, he fears the prince will take you from him.

Striker would also count due to his motives.

I don't usually mention this in my concepts, but Blitz is sexually active.

He wouldn't force you into anything, but he's certainly needy when it comes to that.

Blitz wouldn't blame you too much if you called him Blitzo.

He'd calmly correct you, but treat it as a mistake and warn you not to do it again.

Blitz wants to know everything about his darling, both inside and out.

He may not say much about himself, but he'd nearly interrogate you about everything you like and dislike.

He wants to give the best gifts and foods for you since he adores you.

If someone ever hurt you in your past, or even the present, he'd just get revenge for you.

He'll make their fate slow.

Anything from a childhood bully or abuser, yeah they're gone.

Overall, Blitz comes off as a rather feral, intense, and clingy yandere.

You're stuck with him, like it or not, all so he can chase the companionship he never truly had in a long time.

[graveyardcuddles]

I'm thinking about Astarion again and how actually amazing it is that he managed to hold onto as much of himself as he did after having had everything about his identity and sense of self systematically stripped away from him. And how it's even more incredible he managed to do so without even getting to look at himself at all in all that time.

We know his trauma cut him off from his ability to trance and therefore his ability to recall memories from before he was turned. What must it be like to have nothing? Not even happy memories to look back on? A spawn. A dead thing to be used as his master sees fit. Tortured by Cazador and Godey. Starved to the point of constant hunger pain. Forced to use his body and sexuality to seduce people who sometimes not only disgusted him but who would sometimes even hurt him...AND through all of this, this whole nightmare, he can't even see his own face. Even his own perception of himself is stolen from him.

I've gone through some horribly low points in life. Points where I've felt like I was literally losing my mind or about to end it all. And sometimes in those moments, I just had to stare at myself in the mirror, look myself in the eye and literally talk myself down. There have been times where my mental state was so bad and my perception of reality so warped I HAD to look at my own reflection in the mirror to remind myself I was still real.

Astarion remembers so little of his face that he can't remember if he ever had a mole on his cheek or not. He can't remember the color of his own EYES. For as much as fans talk about the angst of him not being able to remember his own eyes I don't know if any of us could even imagine forgetting oneself so completely that such a defining physical characteristic is lost to memory. It's difficult to imagine as beings with limited lifespans. And imagine the added torment of being forced to use your looks to survive all while never being able to actually see yourself. (This is why I can't help but feel a bit annoyed when people say things like "Well it's a GOOD thing he can't see himself, can you imagine how annoying he would be?" Like sorry you find 'petty vanity' annoying, it still doesn't mean he deserved to have his sense of self-perception stripped away).

So much of him was killed in the process over those two hundred years of abuse and neglect in order to survive. I think it's fair to say Astarion likely wasn't a saint before he was turned by Cazador but we do know at one point there WAS a kind, sympathetic part of himself that took pity on that young man he spared. A part that I'm sure had to be killed in order for Astarion to survive and remain sane. And in ALL that time there was never once any moment where he could look at himself in the mirror and tell himself that he was still himself.

He lost everything, even the memory of his own eye color. But he wouldn't allow himself to be lost completely. He still talked back. Still screamed the loudest when tortured. Still held onto his anger, his rage his burning desire for revenge. And when he gets the opportunity to take his freedom he fucking LEAPS for it. He is so bound and determined to STAY free once he is free he would literally rather die than go back to Cazador. He's a survivor above all else and I love him so much.

[grapefives]

REVÓLVER SEXUAL | HC

supernova trio x gn!reader (separately)

very light angst + implied nsfw + hispanic/latin reader + past fat shaming + insecurities + fluff + mentioned past unhealthy mechanisms

a/n: totally not self indulging. this has been in my drafts for a year LMAO please like 🧍🏻‍♀️

૮ ּ ۟ monkey d. luffy ׅ ۫ ✧

when you first joined the crew, luffy KNEW you had some sort of trouble with food

you were so hesitant of EVERYTHING that he found himself insisting and making sure you ate well, along with sanji

“y/n, eat more.” you felt like he was your MOM.

you could hear the “estas muy flac@” from your family members or the “ni que estuvieras a dieta” from your mother

but it was so HARD to say no to luffy, captain or not.

you still didn’t have a healthy relationship with food, and still felt a little guilty if you found yourself eating more than you FELT like you should’ve

sometimes you’d go all day without eating until luffy drags you for dinner, it’s not that you did it intentionally, you just don’t find it in you to eat

honestly, it worried luffy but he never really commented on it

all he would do is make sure you at least ate

but when you would play with your food more than eat or even just stare at the plate before you, he would frown and actually force feed you

“Y/N YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG AND HEALTHY SO WE CAN BEAT EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT WAY!”

yet, one day he finds out you literally had an issue with eating, you had mentioned it to chopper and he just happened to overhear

then it clicked why you were always squirmy during intimacy

and WITHOUT FAIL, to your surprise, he started being reassuring to you

he’s always a sweetheart with you, your hype man regardless but this time you knew his intentions were for you to understand you shouldn’t worry about your physical appearance

his eyes were ten times more tender outside the bedroom

yet, when it came to intimacy he was like a hungry animal— kissing, biting and grabbing. it had taken you aback at how specific he was being, but you still melted into him

he made you forget the voices that would say “hide that” or “don’t let him notice” but he made sure you understood that he’ll love you regardless of what you think

and he’s an eater

he’ll eat you up. always.

૮ ּ ۟ trafalgar d. law ׅ ۫ ✧

he’s a DOCTOR. man’s knows when someone is off.

he mistook your lack of interest in food for a stomach bug, genuinely concerned and forcing you to take pills and medicine

lowkey made you feel bad and ashamed to the point you came clean

medical confidentiality right?

😭 the face he gave you!!

“it’s unhealthy to neglect vital nutrients to your body.”

very stern about your meal intake, takes it upon himself to make sure you eat what you can stomach at first and make sure you grow comfortable with both him and food

he’s sweet really, just shows it in private

he literally sits you down and asks you what you would like for your body, because if you have any concerns then you MUST attend them CORRECTLY

no more unhealthy mechanisms

and he falls even more in love when you seem more radiant, more confident.

he’d come up from behind always and just plant a warm, wet kiss on your ear before whispering a compliment on your appearance

he made you feel like no one else’s opinion mattered anymore.

literally it didn’t matter if people commented on your weight, the results you were having made you feel confident

he was definitely surprised when you’d initiate intimacy, when you’d devour him like a starving animal

“someone’s hungry,” he teased once, but when you had paused, he realized his wording must have affected you

he low key panics and stutters out an apology but you smirk at him

“for once i don’t feel guilty for eating-“ and you devour his heart and soul too

૮ ּ ۟ eustass kid ׅ ۫ ✧

i’m sorry but this doofus was really oblivious about it until killer pointed it out

he was so mad at himself. how dare he not see your issue with food?? he thought you gave him your leftovers out of love!!

dude he’s like, an insensitive giant thinking he’s being helpful

it made sense of why you were always trying to put off intimacy or why you’d try to make him see less of you

“i don’t give a damn about how you look. why would i care?” he asks.

in his head he was being sweet and saying “i love you just the way you are.”

but it made you feel like shit

you were already struggling with feeling right with yourself, and he comes and says he doesn’t care? maybe you’re being sensitive but even that made you feel worse

it felt like you’ll never be enough for anyone, even eustass.

you never felt like you mattered, but growing up your weight put labels on you. you grew up with insults being used as nicknames, yet you felt like eustass saw you as nothing

“why aren’t you eating?” he asks when he notices you still aren’t developing a good eating habit, some days you eat well and others you either overeat or don’t eat at all

“does it matter?” you huff.

“i give a damn when you could get sick!”

“you said you don’t give a damn about how i look, so shut up about what i do.” you growl.

“eh? when did i say that!? you need to eat!” he huffs.

“well no thank you.”

you ignore him and he has to corner you in your room to get you to pay him any mind

his interrogations fall deaf in your ears as he cages you under him on your bed

“if i don’t matter to you get out,” you blurt out.

“what are you talking about? when have i made you feel like you don’t matter to me.”

“you know i’m struggling and you just- you just said you don’t give a damn about how i look!”

“because i don’t! does it have to matter? i love you for you! pirates seek out people for their bodies and for their own pleasures! i’m with you because i love you for who you are!”

“and i am not saying you’re ugly or whatever it is you think i think!” he beats you to every argument.

and then he goes on to show you PHYSICALLY what he means. not like, harsh or anything. you’ve never felt so precious under his care before, he kissed you so tenderly.

he didn’t make you feel fragile, like something that could break in a bad way

he made you understand how he sees you as more as his partner- as an extension of his soul, his missing piece

“i’ll make sure you never feel like that again, as long as you’re with me, you’ll be more valuable than a poneglyph. whatever you struggle with, i’ll help you through it.”

your confidence went up, because honestly he’s brutally honest and many people take what the captain says seriously; yet you knew he’s never lie to you

at the end of the day, what your lover says is what matters to you.

[phntmeii]

♡ Dating Aegon II Targaryen Headcanons:

❝ But… If you ever wish to know what it is to be well satisfied…❝

[SFW+NSFW + AFAB!Reader]

General Warnings: sad!Aegon, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of neglect

NSFW Section Warnings: pervert!Aegon, AFAB Terms, Somnophilia, Dom/Sub Dynamics, Sensory Deprivation

A/N: Still upset about his characterization in the show :/ Poor TGC was trying so hard to save this character. Appreciate that he gave us pathetic wet dog vibe for Aegon at the least

SFW Headcanons:

☀️ Aegon has desperate issues regarding love especially the idea of someone loving him. He’s been completely neglected by his father, only valued by his mother as a “rightful” king and struggles with alcoholism as a result.

☀️ Having you see him not as a ruler, not as a prince, not as a chess piece in a political game, but as a person has his mind confused.

☀️ It takes a bit of time for him to entertain the idea of you valuing him as true but once he does, he’s latched onto you like his life depends on it.

☀️ And I mean literally latched on. He is unashamed at how clingy he is to you. Arms always wrapped around you in the hall and keeping his eyes to yours.

☀️ Aegon is only willing to listen to you without complaining too much. Maybe a whine or two but he’s totally whipped so he’s on his way to do as you ask.

☀️ He’d LOVE for you to meet Sunfyre. If you are unaccustomed to dragons, he makes sure to slowly introduce you because he wants you to love his dragon as much as he does.

☀️ Always dreams about running away with you. He’ll be cuddling with you and ask about it. Even if it was impossible, he’d like to dream about going off somewhere in Essos, away from the throne.

☀️ “Love, simply listen to me… Imagine it. We could run off on the first ship out of this blasted kingdom. It could be just us…”

☀️ Alicent would simultaneously love and hate you. She enjoys the company of women and finally, someone has found a way to handle Aegon. But, she’d also be weary of this on account of her father because Aegon being infatuated with you means he’s more willing to listen to you than his council.

☀️ Rather than ditch his duties to attempt escapes, to drink or to whore, he’s sneaking off to see you if it’s been too long. He insists you stay by him during meetings or other duties to keep him from “going mad”.

☀️ Aegon can get very jealous when he sees you with other men because he knows what they’re thinking when they look at you. But you are his. No one else’s.

☀️ And considering he’s the firstborn and a prince, he has absolutely no problem getting petty because there would be no serious consequences. (Bonus tag team with Aemond.)

☀️ Aegon’s main Love Languages to give are: Physical Touch and Quality Time.

☀️ Aegon is obsessed with your body completely. He wants to do everything to have you in his arms.

☀️ He is unashamed with PDA. He’s kissing you almost every couple of minutes. He’s walking down the halls all smiles because he’s holding your hand.

☀️ Aegon’s need for you is constant and his mood quickly sours if he’s pulled away from duty rather than being able to spend his time with you.

☀️ He’d whisk you away onto Sunfyre for a joyride just so he can be away from everyone but you. Consider it a romantic gesture because in his mind it is.

☀️ He thinks it’s like when the knight saves the princess in the stories.

☀️ Lingers in the mornings just so he can have you by him for longer. The sun is hurting his eyes this early in the morning so what better than to bury his head in your chest and softly ask you to stay as he caresses your perfect body.

☀️ Aegon’s favorite Love Languages to receive are: Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation.

☀️ Aegon wants to feel special. To feel taken care of. To feel loved. So anytime you go out of your way to assist him, his eyes are sparkling as he looks at you.

☀️ You tidied the bedchamber? Have prepared his clothing? You’ve had his sword cleaned and polished? You’re practically begging for this man to be completely and utterly obsessed and he’s littering you in kisses in appreciation.

☀️ And, of course, he wants praise. No one has validated him and simply valued him as a person so he yearns for your words.

☀️ Something as simple as “I’m proud of you” has him close to shedding tears because no one tells him that.

☀️ He wants to hear you say “I love you” as much as possible so he’ll say it all the time just to hear you say it back.

NSFW Headcanons:

☀️ At first, he has to be dominant and take control. He’s been cut out of having control in all other aspects of his life that he needs some semblance of power.

☀️ You can trust that he knows what he’s doing. Although some of his fucking has been done while drunk, he’s done it and experimented enough to know what gets him off and what gets you off.

☀️ Only after some time will he trust to submit himself in bed. It’s scary to him. To lose control in another aspect of his life. But he trusts you and he loves you.

☀️ And surprisingly, being so slow, gentle and loving to him, it felt amazing. Having you ride him, hands interlocked and meeting each other’s eyes.

☀️ His favorite part of you are your tits. Seeing them bounce as you ride him, needing to touch and feel them.

☀️ He whimpers and cries when he’s getting close, begging you not to stop. He’s clearly needy just by the way he’s grabbing onto any part of you that you let him.

☀️ When he’s more comfortable with being submissive, he’s whiny in his needs. Tugging at your gown anytime you two are alone, insisting he needs to at least have a look.

☀️ “Please, my love… Please! Just one look! Gods, you have no idea how much I crave you.”

☀️ Aegon’s hand would try to slip under your gown under the table at dinner, insist that only he needs to assist you in bathing which is definitely just an excuse to fuck, and just straight up jack off when you two are alone in your bedchamber, pleading for you to touch him.

☀️ Aegon could definitely cum with the punishment of only being able to hump at your leg. The humiliation of being so desperate gets him off like nothing else.

☀️ He can be bratty sometimes but it’s all purposeful. He wants you to punish him because you both know it leads to being tangled around each other in bed.

☀️ Oh, and Aegon is absolutely unashamed about being loud. The louder the better in his opinion. He wants everyone and anyone to know how fucking good you two fuck and for how long.

☀️ He’d leave whatever chamber you two were in with a smug grin, knowing that no one could match the passion you two share.

☀️ Aegon has average stamina and lasts as long as you edge him for. He could go 2-3 a times a day and still ask for more even when he’s a shaking mess.

☀️ Sit on this man’s face. Period. No questions asked. If he can breathe, he isn’t satisfied. Suffocate him entirely, clamp onto his head with your thighs and watch him eat you out like a starved madman.

☀️ Aegon is a whore for praise and he makes it known when he’s giving you head. He gets so easily pussy drunk it’s insane. His eyes are locked onto you, only parting from your swollen, abused cunt to hear how well he’s doing.

☀️ “My love… Please tell me how well I’m doing… I’m being good, am I not?”

☀️ One of his favorite things would be longer sessions where he’s blindfolded and completely up to your control. Have fun with waxplay and sensory deprivation and watch his cock twitch and leak precum at each touch.

☀️ Sometimes you’d wake up to him already rubbing his cock against your cunt, feeling the wetness already coating him. His forehead pressed to your back as he softly moaned. It’s so easy for him to get turned on when you’re so close to him.

⤷ divider credits: @cafekitsune

[tomieafterdark]

hate fucking with Eren drabble..18+

want more? I got you<3 here’s my masterlist

pairing: Eren x fem!reader

cw: hate fucking, sex through the prison bars from that one season 4 scene, no prep but reader is wet enough by just seeing Erens drastic glow up, vaginal sex, ass slapping, choking, hair pulling.

a/n: I haven’t watched season 4 properly and that includes this scene so if something is missing you know why😭 anyways enjoy this drabble, I am having a writers block kinda so I am stuck on my requests and longer fics rip.

Hange just came back up from asking Eren some questions, it seems she didn’t have much of a breakthrough though.

“He kept babbling on about fighting…” she said and sat down with the others. She looks disappointed as she continues explaining what else had happened.

You wanted to go down and check on Eren knowing damn well Eren despises you. Ever since you first met, you’ve had this weird energy of constantly competing or tearing each other down. Deep down inside maybe you were just looking for a way to let out your pent up anger and sadness, to tease Eren or full on argue with him. You just needed an outlet for your feelings…

As you get closer to his cell, he is still mumbling to himself about fighting. What a weirdo. And he is shirtless with a freaking manbun, you take a minute to stare at him not knowing he is aware, his body looks like it was carved by the gods themselves. As much as you despised Eren, you couldn’t help but admit he was so attractive right now, he has changed a lot.

“How long are you going to stand there and not talk, you know I am not deaf. I heard you walk down.” He says, his voice is husky and sends chills down your spine. You hadn’t seen Eren for a while, last time you saw him he was annoying and whiny and just cried a lot…this time he is different. You bite your bottom lip. His face was hotter too, that hairstyle looks like it was invented just for him.

“Whatever.” You say in a bratty tone, and walk closer to him.

He doesn’t care, he is just sitting on the edge of the bed now. He looks annoyed, as if he was doing something important earlier and had been interrupted.

You start to bother him on purpose, hoping for a reply. He must be equally desperate to let out his pent up emotions because he argues back. Suddenly you and Eren are full on arguing about god knows what because it doesn’t make sense to anyone but you two. It goes from petty things to you bursting into tears, asking Eren why he has changed so much and why he is hurting everyone he once cared about. Eren doesn’t take kindly to that last part, you don’t know it but you hit a sore spot inside of him.

He grabs you by the collar of your shirt through the bars, eyes full of hatred and rage with a hint of pain and regret if you look deeper. You don’t stop there, you’re so angry and upset you end up bringing his mom into it, and then the real hell breaks loose.

He yells at you to leave her out of it, you scream back about everything that’s wrong with his behaviour and plans and how she would never approve of this. You’re trying to reach the little humanity he had left in him but it’s not working, the tension between you becomes weirdly sexual at some point. He can’t deny the tension and neither can you, he may have neglected his humanity but that doesn’t mean it’s not there deep within him, screaming to be let out, to express its feelings. The very feelings he has been pushing down to work toward his goal, pushing everything else aside. With you being here, and the sexual tension already between you the grief and pain chooses to express itself sexually.

He turns you around, with little care for how it affects you or if it hurt. He is rough with you, even though there’s literal bars between you he doesn’t seem to care. He pulls you in close, you can feel his breath on your neck. You giggle in response to Eren’s rough manhandling. “Geez, I didn’t know you had this side to you. Last time we argued it just ended with you crying like a bitch!” You laugh.

He slaps your face really hard in return, causing you to moan a little. Something about his cold broken energy just made you so attracted to him, and the carelessness and manhandling only made you more weak in the legs. You had not planned for this sexual tension to arise with Eren. Sure, all your arguing earlier helped you release the anger you were wanting to express but the sexual side of you needed release too and Eren’s glow up alone had awakened it. You hadn’t had sex in so long, too much work and too little time for anything else left you neglecting your sexual needs a lot.

You arch your back and push your ass up against Eren, to your surprise you’re met with some hardness. “Arguing makes you hard? You really are a mess Eren Yeager” you say to him in a snarky tone and laugh.

“Shut the fuck up, aren’t you the one pushing your ass all up against me like a bitch in heat?” He says in a husky voice that sends shivers down your spine. You almost accidentally moan yes daddy in reply, this new Eren has your mind racing. You just smirk back at him. “I’ll fuck this sly smirk off your face bitch, when I’m done with your ass you’ll be crying begging me to stop.”

“Ooh I’m so scared. Face it Eren, you couldn’t last a minute.” You brag, hoping to get a rise out of him and get manhandled even more. Oh how you wish those stupid bars weren’t between you, so Eren could have his way with you.

He chokes you in return and pulls your pants and panties down, you’re so wet just from this alone. It’s good you are wet because Eren was so pissed off he would’ve bottomed out in you wether you were wet or not. Your eyes roll back as you’re gasping for air, he is choking a bit too hard. He gets closer to your ear as he continues choking and whispers “spread your legs more bitch.”

You’re so dizzy from being choked you accidentally reply back “yes daddy” out loud instead of in your head and spread them causing Eren to chuckle, he low-key likes it and even more when you said it in the state you were in. He shoves his entire length into you, it’s so big it hurts causing you to wake up from your dizzy state. He knows you’re struggling to take it, from the way your body tensed up to the way you’re almost pushing him out is telling but he keeps pushing it in making you take it all. Your moaning is starting to get a bit to loud, which has him hiss “quiet you whore. Do you really want them to find you like this? All wrapped up around my cock moaning like a slut?” He lets go of your throat and puts it over your mouth, your muffled moans are still loud but it’s better than before. He keeps thrusting at a merciless speed, your body finally stopped resisting his sheer force and you’re taking him. Limp legged, barely able to stand up and he just keeps going, you can feel it reach all the way up in your stomach. He grabs your hand and makes you feel it. “Feel it slut, that’s me re-arranging your tiny little guts.” You cry out in return, it’s making you lose it, it’s just too much. You just want to collapse here and now, but Eren pushes your hand down on the bulge his cock is making on your pretty stomach. Your reaction is gold to him. “What was it about me not lasting huh y/n?” He snarks and starts slapping your ass, not once or twice but so many times your cheeks turn red.

You squirt all over Eren’s cock, orgasming so hard your cunt is once again trying to push him out. Eren just buries himself deeper inside you, feeling every small movement your cunt makes in hopes of pushing him out. Your breathing is getting faster, with legs shaking. “Please Eren, pull out for a second it’s too much” you cry out with tears running down your pretty cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up and take this dick” is all he says and starts fucking you deeper. He puts you on all four, positioning you into a mean painful arch even though there’s bars between you. He somehow reaches deeper into you with the position you’re in and you’re leaking all over the cold cement floor from your eyes and cunt. Eren is brutal, you had enough ages ago but he keeps going. You are so overstimulated you try to crawl away but you’re met with more brutal manhandling, he pulls on your ponytail keeping you in place. “What’s wrong y/n? You can’t last longer?” He mocks.

You end up getting your absolute brains fucked out by Eren, at the same brutal pace for what feels like hours. When he is done, you’re a mess. He didn’t stop until your cunt was overstimulated, bruised and gaping. You hear the others come down to check on Eren, you quickly put your clothes on. You’re struggling to stand as they come over, you’re just standing against the wall with your legs threatening to collapse any minute.

thanks for reading I didn’t proof read so sorry for mistakes 😵‍💫

© 2023 succubisblog | All rights reserved

[rose-tries-to-write]

Things I’ve learned about Danny Phantom after finally watching it as a person who avoided watching it for months and read fanfiction instead. 👍🏻✨

Spoiler warning, just in case!

They call themselves the Phandom. (Super cute, I love it, 10/10)

Everything, and I mean Absolutely Everything I’ve learned, is a fucking Lie. (Not fun. I have to rewrite my entire understanding. I feel betrayed. Offended. Gobsmacked. My flabbers are mf gasted. -5/10)

The show is actually really funny. (I enjoyed my experience. 9/10)

Fuck Phantom Planet. (What the fuck was that shit? Um, rewind, redo, no thx, give me back the ghostie boy please. I genuinely didn’t even finish the episode, I got to where he un-died and had to turn it off. I refuse to watch it now. 0/10)

The Phandom was right to steal canon and make it our bitch. (Trans Danny? More Dani/Ellie screen time? Actual plot and lore for the show? Actual in-depth thought to ghosts and their culture? Um, yes please. 1000/10)

Frostbite actually is a doctor. (I don’t know why, but I thought it was another thing the Phandom made up. Love to see it, 10/10)

Wes Weston deserves his own episode. (What do you mean he doesn’t actually exist. What do you mean I don’t get my LGBTQ+ undertones. This is homophobic /j. -10/10)

How do you tell when a ghost is intangible, invisible, or both?? (The show doesn’t have a differentiator between the two, so I’m always confused if people can just see him floating through walls. 3/10)

Guys in White literally do nothing but be annoying. (Another case of the Phandom Lying to us. I love it though, they make really good antagonists. 7/10)

The Fentons are stupid and mildly aggressive, but they do love their kids. (I read a lot of vivisection, child neglect, and general Bad Parents fics so excuse me on that front. 8/10)

Danny didn’t actually beat Pariah Dark? (I love the Ghost King Danny fics, so to find out all he did was shove him into a sarcophagus was a bit of a bummer. He struggles more with Undergrowth than the actual king, like?? 6/10)

He can reach inside himself to take things out. (He ate a spoon in one ep and just reached inside himself to take it out. Pretty cool. 9/10)

Is he actually dead? (Phantom Planet makes it seem as if he just got a bit too high a dose of ectoplasm in his system and it fucked him up, how else could he have just undone the damage? But, most of the Phandom says he legit died in the portal, in which case he could not have gone in and just un-killed himself like he did in Phantom Planet. I think he died, personally. More trauma and angst for my writing. ??/10)

Clockwork appears a lot less than I thought he would. So does Frostbite. (I thought with how much they appear in the Phandom, they must have really important and constant roles, but no. They appear very rarely. Sad face. 5/10)

Vlad sucks. (Vlad fucking sucks. 0/10)

Dani/Ellie is much younger in appearance than I thought. (I looked her up for reference when I first started reading the fics, but she looked 14-15. She actually looks 6-7 years old in show. They literally call her a kid. 8/10)

Dani is what she chose to be called, not a funny joke the Phandom played on itself. (I though it was a silly little haha moment. Nope. The show just… named her that. I think Ellie is the Phandoms choice in calling her?? 8/10)

Why is Danny obsessed with Paulina even while crushing on Sam? (He is actively blushing and flirting with Sam and then they’ll turn around and he’s jumping at the chance to talk to Paulina?? Hate it. 0/10)

Danny and Dash don’t actually date. (I saw this circle around the Phandom a bit, thought it was cute if a bit weird, and then it didn’t happen? 6/10)

No obsessions, no cores, no real reason for the ghosts to be terrorizing Amity Park. (I legit thought it was real in-verse stuff, I’m so disappointed in the lack of it in the show. It could have been so good. 3/10)

Danny doesn’t actually become friends with his ghosts. (They don’t really get along, ever. They don’t talk outside of fighting, except for those who actually like him. Missed opportunity. 4/10)

His Space obsession is actually just a few mentions of him wanting to be an astronaut? (I thought he genuinely had an obsession with the stars and we’d see a lot of him stargazing or word-vomiting about his hyper fixation, but no. Sad. 4/10)

He does go stargazing (maybe?) and flies around when he’s not fighting. (We see him going off as Phantom in the episode where Jazz finds out about him. There are no battles and he looks like he’s having fun flying around. 10/10)

He was called Inviso-Bill?? (Hilarious, I love it, why did no one ever tell me this. 7/10)

He says “Going Ghost!” every time he transforms. Every fucking time. (It’s annoying, it’s ugly, I hate it. I am so glad no fics mentioned this or used it, I think I’d go insane. -1000/10)

That’s all I got for today, and probably for a while. I just wanted to write it down for fun, but I might post more like this eventually.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for calling animal rescue/welfare on my mom who loves her pets?

My mom has 2 cats and 1 dog. I want to start off by saying that she doesn't physically abuse her animals.

They're in a weird state of being really emotionally spoiled and completely physically neglected. The dog sleeps in bed with her and is always on the sofa, doesn't get told off when he pees and poops in the house, and the cats are always getting cuddles. The cats are getting kinda fat because they're fed a lot.

My mom is an alcoholic and she doesn't look after herself or her home at all. It's been years since she showered or bathed, she goes weeks without changing her clothes except for when she works, her house is genuinely falling completely apart. Cupboard doors are falling off at the hinges and propped up with buckets, doors don't close, carpets are coming up off the floor, wallpaper is peeling, the shower door fell off and shattered, the toilet lid is cracked in half, the floors are too dirty to step on without shoes, the entire house STINKS of animal urine and there are stains everywhere. A couple of years back she had an insect infestation in one of the bedrooms.

Now, my mom loves her pets and really emotionally relies on them. Ever since I moved out she's been alone and has regressed even worse because when she's at home she has nothing to do but drink and watch TV. The pets are her only company most days.

However, her bad hygiene and home care translates to them. It has been YEARS since the dog was walked, and months since he even got a cursory trip over the road to the small grass area outside her house. His fur is always matted, and he recently had fleas (god knows how when he doesn't leave the house but there you go). He has bald patches of fur missing. He pees and poops all over the floors and carpets because he just doesn't get let outside to do it enough - and he runs away or hides when you find it so he 100% knows he's not supposed to, he just doesn't have a choice because he's not able to go into the garden. His claws are always so long they're bothering him when he walks, and as gross as it is to describe there have been COUNTLESS times I've visited and he's had literal shit caked onto his fur around his tail because he's had diarrhea and when I've pointed it out that he needs to be washed my mom brushes it off with "It's only a little bit" and continues to let him onto the bed/couch.

The cats are mildly better off because they can clean themselves, but their litter trays are always OVERFLOWING - like, genuinely, mountains of cat poop piling up in the trays to the point where they're going on the floor because they don't have room in the tray - and one of them is sleeping in a bed that is Caked in vomit stains, clumps of hair, other miscellaneous marks, all of that.

I've called someone about it before when I still lived there, and a woman did stop by to check it out and told my mom that the cat litters were unacceptable, but my mom just lies to them. According to her the dog gets walked twice a day without fail, gets a ton of enrichment, everything, and you can't really prove her to be lying. The woman told her she'd drop by in a week to check on the litters, my mom kept them clean until she came back and gave the okay, and then just went right back to neglecting them and nothing was done about it.

I have no idea what to do anymore but I want to call again and really impress upon them that they're not being cared for. I sent photos and video evidence last time along with an explanation, but it doesn't seem like it got me anywhere at all. I just don't know what else to do. I've brought up the idea of taking at least the dog with me to my new place (it's very nearby so she'd still be able to visit him and I'd be able to walk him up to her house), but she VEHEMENTLY objected and told me she'd never be able to let him go.

I'm not sure what it would do tbh, even disregarding that she'd probably just get a new pet I would be genuinely worried she'd lose all interest in life if they were taken away.

TL;DR Mom's alcoholism means she doesn't look after her pets and they're not being cared for at all, but taking them away would severely impact her mental health.

WIBTA for calling animal services on her again?

What are these acronyms?

[sidsinning]

UNNECESSARY AND UNHINGED RANT ABOUT CINDERELLA'S CHARACTER FROM CINDERELLA (2015) INCOMING

Lemme talk about Cinderella from Cinderella (2015) for a bit actually yeah because these changes to my girl completely baffle me

She has friends now

Goes outside on her own

Says the only reason why she's staying is because it's her parent's house- bruh.

All of this takes away (+ more reasons down the cut) from the true cruelty of OG!Cinderella's backstory and how it all connects so well to inform you of her character and the actions she takes

OG!Cinderella has been indoctrinated into accepting her life as a maid to her step family since she was a small child. She is never seen going outside of the house besides the night at the ball. The only friends she had were random animals around her she couldn't even fully converse with. She had no other human perspective on her situation or how to get out of it. It makes sense why she's just taking her stepmother's tyranny while holding everything in because this isolation and neglect is all she knows. This is the entire limited scope of her world. A sad reality to many cases of abuse in real life.

And they just. Erased all of this for some. Reason???

The night at the ball was a big deal because she literally NEVER gets to go out. This is the only time she interacts with the outside world aside from the ending. The impact of that was HUGE in the original movie. The new one just cheapened that imo by implying she goes out in town and talks to others regularly. This event was an impossible, fantastical dream come true to someone who is never treated as anything but a servant to everyone she knows.

Basically OG!Cinderella has it way worse which is what makes the ball such a huge deal in the first place.

Third point I don't think I need to explain how Cinderella staying in her abusive home bc the house is "hers to love now that her parents are dead" is not a good character change and doesn't make sense. I would understand if her dad was alive and insisting on staying, but he is GONE. It is a building you grew up in sure, but that's all it is. Not something you sacrifice your wellbeing for. So that's a shit reason they didn't need to make up to say why this character is stuck in her abusive household. The isolation and years of gaslighting were enough. (Also showing how much of a frightening presence and manipulative villain Lady Tremaine is.)

And she sure left it quick after getting hitched lol

The Fairy Godmother having the audacity to test Cinderella with that "oh I'm a poor old woman and I want some milk please" nonsense

Not very godmotherly of her in this version. 🥴 The Fairy Godmother appeared in the original to offer pure comfort to Cinderella in a time of desperate need, when this resilient and kind spirit finally reached her breaking point. The dress, slippers, pumpkin carriage, and magic were all given freely as a present to make her feel better at least for one night.

Meanwhile this goofy ass Godmother has the audacity to be like "hey is she gonna be nice or not even though she's crying in tattered, recently destroyed clothing- I need to see that or else she doesn't get the magic juice". Like why did this become a way to test her morality all of a sudden? Why did you need something from her to give up the magic goods?? It's not even a good test she just walked a couple steps and poured some milk in a bowl,,,

Idk man they made their relationship transactional for no reason which taints the original purpose of this scene imo. The original Fairy Godmother already KNEW Cinderella was kind without having to make sure by disguising herself as a rancid old lady. 😭 Weird and unnecessary addition.

Kinda nitpicky here but this film did not at all match the terror of the torn dress scene which really shows you how horrifying and humiliating it was to Cinderella

Comparison

AND THE BIGGEST OFFENDER: THE WAY SHE "ESCAPED".

I NEED TO TAKE A BREATH

BECAUSE LIKE. WHAT WAS THAT.

Original Cinderella, seeing a real chance of escape from her abuse, uses everything in her possession to do so. She's yelling for the mice to get the key, to get Bruno to chase away the cat, running down to meet the prince's attendants to make sure they get the proof of her identity from her- and that moment she oh-so-casually pulled out the second slipper??? SEEING HER STEPMOTHER'S SLACKED JAW??? GAGGED US ALL.

ICONIC

But 2015. Bitch. What is going on. She gets locked up and easily accepts her doom. She just twirls and sings in her prison like a dunce because cINDerELLa wAs aLReADy cONTenT wIth her sMaLL mOMEnts oF hAPPIneSs anD dREamS wItH thE pRinCE.

Just. Gives up.

Not the mice begging her to get up and save herself come on now

The mice have to do their best on their own to push open her window so the prince and his crew hear her on time.

And yeah, all she had to do was open a window.

WHAT. WHY. HOW. WAS THIS??? MORE EMPOWERING???

1950: use your brain to fight to the very end

2015: quit while you're still ahead, or don't try you just gotta dance and sing all pretty then someone will come along and save you

I'm sorry, but for a production that was so critical of the notion of "Cinderella just waited around for a prince to save her"...is that not literally what they changed the ending to?

You wanna talk about lack of agency in princess stories well here you go 😭

You know what's sad about all this in the end is this is still the best recent live action Disney remake imo LOL

Anyways hello if you've made it all the way down here I rest my case