#And uh I was fully expecting it to be the most tragic and depressing thing that I'd never recover from but?? It ended on a positive note???

[thatsitso]

So I finished orv

[isbus]

The City

Summary

Adam begins his adventure at the main spot for Greedy demons.

Chapter 2: All Bets Are Off

“What else do they have here?” I ask before regretting my decision as I knew, they have everything... don’t they? I groaned as he started listing off things such as clubs, restaurants, museums, casinos, wait, casinos? That sounds fun! Let’s go to the casino! I hope I’ll see King Dice or someone like that! “Let’s go to the casino!” 

“Which one? The Bettigan Casino is the most popular but if you want the least popular then...” he trailed off as I fake-snored. “Soo... you want the Bettigan Casino?”-I nod-“Alright, basic bitch casino it is.” He took my hand and dragged me out of the club to the packed streets, looking for bright lights and loud sounds as if he was a zombie. “This way, sidekick.”

Sam walked over to the right and over through an alley filled with moans, and groans, and lascivious noises just to be in front of a very bright building that was covered in multiple different lights. We entered through the velvet doors and saw multiple crazy sights- beautiful people playing outrageous games, many creatures with instruments playing on a stage, and people watching the music being played. 

“Wow... this place is huge!” I shake Sam with excitement and energy. I could hear Rock It For Me by Caravan Palace being played by the band but it quickly ended and soon Trouble by Cage the Elephant started. A girl with blonde hair and a red dress with a card skirt began to sing. “What should we do?” I was out-of-my-mind excited. 

“Haven’t you been in a casino before?” he asked, sounding curious as if the sights were new to him as well. 

“No, I died at 19.” I say matter-of-factly. He groans in response. 

“Shit, I died at 21 and didn’t get a chance to go to a casino so... I guess we’re both fucked on the thought of doing something here...” he looked down at his shoes before hearing the clicks from the shoes of someone who stood over him. He looked up when seeing his shadow overlapped by another man’s shadow. 

“Hello there, I’m Spade Clubs, but please, call me one or the other.” He smiled with pearly white teeth and pale rose lips. He had a brown quiff, a blue vest, dark blue slacks, a green club tie, a club mark next to his mouth, a green and blue top hat, and dark forest green dress shoes. His smile, which was directed towards Sam, suddenly became a grin when seeing me stare. “Are you curious, Adam?” 

“How do you know my name?” I ask. He chuckles back at me and pushes my fringe aside to look at me in both of my eyes. 

“I can see your horns, Adam.” I stare into his club and spade pupils as his face gets close to mine. He immediately backs up and laughs. “I’m kidding! I know it because I have my own Dead Encyclopedia!” I look awfully scared as he asks what’s up. 

“Oh, you got me, that’s all.” I felt the top of my head for safe measures. He laughs some more at my reaction, making me sound a little irritated at his annoying laugh. I bet some girl in the audience thinks it’s sexy. I laughed along with him before continuing to talk. “So, What should we do here?” I ask. 

“What do you feel like doing? Playing games? Listening to music? Having fun?” He whispered the last question just to wink. 

“None of that, we’re not fags!” Sam tried to defend before saying another word. “You’re not gay, right?” I shake my head. 

“I didn’t say you had to have me, you could have Diamond if you wanted to. But that’s not the point... you can do anything you want down here including eating broccoli soup with belladonna leaves! So, do what you wanna do, eat what you wanna eat, play what you wanna play, and so on and so forth.” His hands done weird gestures as he spoke about what happens down here. He laughed after he was done explaining. “So, I’ll help you out with what you can do down in Mr. Bettigan’s Casino of Fun and- well- fun!” 

I smile as he begins to push us towards a table by a window. We sat down and watched as the star of the show sing the final parts of the song. She vocalized at the end before exiting the stage. I noticed Spade walk over to the backstage but I couldn’t tell what was happening from there. Suddenly I saw them both walk out from backstage and walk towards our table. Women were vocalizing and once I looked on the stage, I saw a bowl of clam chowder sat on a stool behind the microphone. 

“How do you do? I see you met my faithful waiting-man.” She sung to the beat. I noticed that the clam chowder, as anyone would expect, wasn’t singing. She smiled. “Alright I’m done with the jokes. I’m Diamond Hearts. What’s your name? Isn’t it Adam Vil?”

I nearly shouted in rage from how pretty much everyone I met knew my name. “Yes, how’d you know?” I asked, sounding a tad annoyed.. 

“Oh, this is simple, it goes a little like Spade-told-me-everything.” She laughed. “Now, what would you like to do? Eat, drink, play, or all of the above?” I was hungry so I told her that I wanted to do all of the above starting with food. Spade moved over to the a door which I presumed lead to the kitchen and came out with menus in the crook of his arm. Diamond took one from Spade and then passed it over to me. Spade gave the other one to Sam while looking over at Diamond with a sincere smile. 

“Touch the button in the middle whenever you’re ready to order and I’ll be rushing to your table in a matter of time.” He directed his smile to us before strutting over to the entrance where he began to wait for the next people to enter. I pulled up the menu that was handed to me and searched the menu for something that suited my fancy. 

Sam on the other hand, looked over the menu then put it down with the speed of Usain Bolt. He looked over at me as I gave him a questioning stare. “What? All I want is a bottle of whiskey and some chicken tenders.” He nearly shouted. Spade heard that and rushed over to our table. 

“Didn’t I tell you that you have to press the button? But never mind your mistake, I presume you’re ready to order?” He asked sounding kind to cover up his anger. “You,”-he pointed to Sam-“ordered whiskey and chicken tenders; couldn’t forget that for the world. So, Adam, what would you like?” He looked over at me— was his spade pupil always on the left side? 

“I want vodka and Salisbury steak with mashed potatoes.” I simply stated while Sam glared. 

“Oh! How exciting and different that is! I’ll get my cooks to make it the best just for you as you ARE the prince of Hell.” He giggled like a girl then ambled over to the kitchen. I stared at Sam as he glanced back at me from time to time.

He sounded irritated as he asked me the most boring question. “What?”  

“Nothing but one question; why whiskey and chicken tenders?” I didn’t know what to ask so I just asked a question that was in the back of my head and should have not been asked. It was awkward cause I knew what his response was, “Why should I tell you”, or “It’s because my family liked it”. But I never would guess anything like what he said. 

“I ate that when I died,” I assumed that his food was poisoned or something until I was fully aware of why their was a noose around his neck and a shirt that said ‘Beer Pong Champ’ in black sharpie on the blank canvas of a shirt. “Before I killed myself, I was drinking and eating that same meal. But then I got so drunk, I must’ve hung myself.”

My heart was tugged at as he spoken about his death. “That’s depressing...” I mumbled. I thought about my death and realized that we had similarities. "Wait," 

"What?" He quickly responded. 

I thought about it some more before continuing the conversation. "I had a friend when I was alive who committed suicide while intoxicated. Could that have been you?" I looked at him in the eyes. 

"I- Maybe... But my Adam didn't know his dad- Wait. That explains everything! No wonder we get along so well!" He reached over the table with his arms out for a hug. I rejoiced in my head and done the same as him. Our arms wrapped around each other as we smiled.

When we were in the middle of said hug, we heard someone clear their throat. "Hot food and cold drinks are here!" We stopped hugging, sat back down, and looked to see Spade with a tray of food. "Thank you." He smirked with a singy-song voice. Spade sat the food down in our respective areas along with the drinks towards the tops of our knives. 

"Thanks, Spade!" We both conveyed to him. 

He laughed since we were synchronized when speaking. "It's nothing as long as you pay the bill." Spade howled with laughter. "Now let me leave you two lovebirds alone." He began to walk away before we could start protesting against his words. Sam shook his head. 

"Never really liked the king, or the queen, or any of the card demons. They're all just bad people." Sam mumbled under his breath. 

I was very confused. "Who and what are you talking about?" I asked him like if I didn't know I was gonna die... again. 

Sam glared at Spade as he sashayed away. "Don't you know? He's the king of black cards, Diamond is the queen of red cards, there's two more but they don't go with the suits. They're just jack and joker. The people who run this place are card demons. They suffer from the sin of greed. Like Spade's death; he used to bet his life for a abundance of money." 

"Wow... I didn't think of that..." Then I started to think of the other sins. 

If they suffer from the sin of greed then there must be at least six other sins to deal with in my venture through The City... 

"Uh, hello? Ya there?" Sam snapped me back into reality with his rough voice that makes me- wait. I nearly said something I might regret... oOpS 

"Oh! Uh.. yeah just thinking." I responded awkwardly. 

"Don't think to much; those demons of Lovers Land really like a man who can think without his dick." He laughed. I didn't laugh until I came to realize that maybe the demons there might be strippers. I bet they work at a club like 'Satan is my Daddy'. 

"Haha, yeah." He was really funny for a guy with such a tragic backstory. Although, that makes sense since that one comedian said something about funny people being depressed and stuff. I can't remember the exact quote. But instead of dwelling on his sadness, I decided to eat. 

Once he remembered that he had food, after seeing me dig in, he took a few bites. "It seems they put a little bit of hearts hormones on my chicken tenders..." he told himself. 

"Of course we did!" Spade loomed over Sam and smiled with closed eyes. Suddenly opening them to see his pupils switched from what we were used to. "What better way to knock out the prince of Hell's friend?" That sincere smiled changed to a sinister grin. 

"Good thing that chef of yours put in only one shot." Out of fucking nowhere, the glass shattered leaving us with, surprisingly, no cuts? Once our eyes opened from the shock, we looked over to our right to see (insert LoZ Chest Opening Music here) a man with messy blonde hair, a decorative mask, and a Vega-like* costume. 

"Prince Adam," He began, his words muffled by the mask since it had no mouth holes. "It's time to meet your fate... AGAIN!" He shouted while drawing his sword, a blood stained katana. 

"Who in (censored)'s name are you?!" His eyes, which you could barely tell, widened. 

"How dare you speak the un-lord's name in vain?! No wonder the king sent me here to kill you... again." You could barely tell but he began glaring at me. "I wonder how many cuts it'll take for the Devil's son to officially die..." 

Sam throws a bottle down to get the guy's attention. "I bet you won't be able to cut him at all!" 

The man, about to cut me, stopped at the word 'bet'. "What are you going to give me in return?" 

"This!" He holds up a hand grenade which was covered in rust and had an upside down cross. 

It was clear that he wanted it, by the way he stared in awe. "The 'Unholy Hand Grenade'?! How did you get your hands on that?!" 

"Does it matter? It's yours if you manage to slice him at least once." Sam winks at me. 

"Did you just wink at him?" 

"Of course not. Why?" 

"I swore you did..." 

"If you keep it up I won't give you it." 

"Ugh!" The man rushes towards me with his katana. "Give me everything you got, Adam!" He begins by jabbing at me, which I avoided by backing up. I tripped over a table, but I immediately got behind it. Once I thought I was safe, he stabbed through the round table. If I was any closer, it would be through my head. 

I thought he would pull it out and try stabbing in a different area of the table, but he actually lifted the table with his sword. What is his sword made of?! 

I tried running away but, before I could, he grabbed my shirt. Then I remembered Sam's wink. I thought quickly about what it meant, then I saw him about to slice my neck. My first instinct was to put my arm in front of my neck. 

I looked at my arm, and there was a deep, bloody, cut. I was about to scream in fear and pain, but I realized something very weird. There was no pain. I didn't feel the cut or anything. I might be imagining things, but, it looked like it was beginning to close up. 

"I did it!" He shouted. "Now, give me that Unholy Hand Grenade and I will end this!" 

Sam slightly grins. "Alright," he starts taking the pin out. "I will." The masked man's mask falls off and shows his terror. 

"NO! PLEASE, NO!" He yells in a plea. Once the pin was nearly out, a man with blonde hair, a yellow shirt and sneakers, and a jacket with pants (both black), snatched the hand grenade out of Sam's hand- pin and all. 

"Yoinked!" He grins. "Buh-Bye!" He throws his hand down as if he thrown a smoke bomb, then yellow smoke filled the room, and he was gone. 

Everyone who was still here, coughed and gagged on the smoke. People opened the windows to air out the yellow fog, and saw something that kids shouldn't see. Where the man was standing when he 'Yoinked' the Unholy Hand Grenade, was a mini slot machine which had a dancing stick figure*. 

"Damn. My most expensive item." He looked down. 

I quickly changed the subject. "Sam, where are we going next, anyway?"

- NOTES -

*1: Vega is a character from the Street Fighter franchise who I inspired the Masked man Jack O. Trades off of. 

*2 The Dancing Stick figure is a reference to Henry Stickman (GET DISTRACTED)

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2021 #20: In which Cameron and Donna talk over a movie

[CN: spoilers for Gia (1998); adult women talking about sex and their sex lives]

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.

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Since it was well-known amongst their friends just how easy it was to get Donna to invite people over, Risa unashamedly telephoned her, on a Sunday afternoon, to ask her to host a watch party for the premiere of Gia. Donna, taking the call in the kitchen, agreed immediately, and wasted no time in contacting Dr. Katie Herman, and then when Haley heard about the party, she invited herself and Vanessa. They gathered at 7pm on January 31 of 1998 in Donna’s media room.

Cameron, of course, had been the very first invite, though she had declined. “Uh, as uplifting as watching a movie that inevitably ends with a tragic death due to AIDS complications with the girls sounds, I have plans. Bos and I are going out.”

“Oh,” Donna had pouted. “Well, maybe we can watch it another time, then! Just the two of us?” When Cameron looked up from the copy of Scientific American she’d been skimming through to side-eyed her from across the kitchen island, mug of coffee in hand, Donna wheedled, “Oh come on! It’s about a hot gay woman! Played by a hot, potentially gay woman!” When Cameron gave her another look, Donna crossed her arms over her chest and said, “According to Risa, there are rumors. Something involving an on-set romance during the making of a movie called Foxfire.”

Cameron looked back down at her magazine. “It is so weird to me that they let a gay woman be a hugely successful supermodel. Or not weird, just, I don’t know.” Irritated, she flipped a page, and then added, “I don’t really wanna be interested in something just because it’s about someone gay. But also, like, sure I am? It’s, stupid.” 

With a forlorn little shrug, Donna said, “You’re right, it’s stupid. Might as well use it as an excuse to have your friends over and have fun with it then, right?”

“Again, I feel like ‘fun’ isn’t the word I’d use for watching a tragic story of addiction and terminal illness, but, sure,” Cameron said.

Despite her misgivings, Cameron happily helped Donna get the house ready that day, making sure that the spare rooms and trailer were all habitable for potential overnight guests, as she always did before they had company. When Bos came to pick her up at 4, he came in for a while, and had some coffee with Donna, and then when they were ready to be on their way, Cameron kissed Donna and wished her a nice time with their friends and their sad movie. 

Cameron and Bos went to the local shopping mall for a stroll and some browsing at a large chain retailer of books, where neither of them found anything, and then to their favorite diner, where they sat for a long time after they had their burgers and fries and slices of chocolate peanut butter pie, talking about Bos’s most recent fishing trip, and how things were at Phoenix, and how Haley and Joanie and Bos’s grandson and step-grandchildren were doing. 

Cameron returned around 8:30, and went straight to the media room to see how the watch party was going. From the sound of it, it was in full swing, Cameron could hear cheering and shouting from the hallway. She went into the room, about to say, ‘Hey, guys,’ only to be distracted by the television screen, on which Angelina Jolie had just walked out into the hallway, wearing nothing but a bemused expression. There was a full length shot from behind of her entire, naked body, and then a waist up shot of her from the front, as she tried to talk to another character. Utterly beguiled by Angelina Jolie’s extremely bare, extremely full breasts, Cameron audibly said, “…whoa.”

Everyone laughed (and Vanessa deadpanned, “I mean, we were all thinking it, right?”), which made Cameron blush slightly. 

“Hey! You’re back!” Donna said, smiling brightly. “Wanna join us?” 

Face still pink, Cameron said, “No, no I’m good, thanks! I think I’m just gonna go get my pajamas on!” They laughed more, and Cameron said, “I’ll see you all later, after the movie? Okay cool bye!” She hurried up to the bedroom, where Licorice the cat was hiding from the unexpected invasion of unfamiliar humans. 

Three and a half hours later, after the movie had ended, and they’d all discussed their reactions, questions, and critiques of it over hot chocolate, and Cameron and Donna had thanked everyone and shown them out, Donna went up to the bedroom (Licorice was still there, napping on their bed), but Cameron wasn’t there. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, changed into her pajamas, and then went back down to the kitchen, and then to the media room, where she found Cameron, box of Good’n’Plentys in hand, watching the midnight re-airing of the movie. 

“Couldn’t resist after all, then?” Donna said. 

Cameron literally jumped, sending candy flying. “Jesus, Donna!” 

“Want some company?” Donna offered.

“If you really wanna watch it again, I guess, sure,” Cameron said, trying to collect all of the licorice bits that had fallen into her lap. Donna sat down, getting as close to Cameron as she comfortably could, and crossed her legs underneath her. Aggrieved, Cameron complained, “The stuff with the parents? Depressing.”

“Yeah,” Donna agreed. “In some ways she kinda reminds me of someone, though? I don’t know. Tall and outrageously beautiful yet weird and intense, streetwise yet naive, in love with a lovely if seemingly square woman....”

Cameron smiled bashfully. “If only I’d liked looking pretty, and being seen! I too could be a bisexual supermodel!” She shook some more candy into her mouth. Thickly, she said, “I can’t believe I ever did beauty pageants. I’m so glad I stopped, Christ.”

They sat quietly, Cameron becoming even quieter as Gia and makeup artist Linda met, participated in a what turned into a nude photo shoot together, and proceeded to have sex back at Gia’s apartment. When the movie came back to the scene where Angelina Jolie went out into the hallway naked, Cameron said, “Not to sound cliche or whatever, but, I feel like I didn’t fully get the big deal people make about sex until you. I mean, not like I didn’t enjoy it, just, even when I did really enjoy it, it would feel like something was off? Or like, it didn’t matter what I did or how I did it, because it would feel like, something about me was fundamentally off. Or wrong. I think that’s why it took me so long to break up with J0e,” she admitted. “I never felt like there was something wrong about how I was with him.”

“Aw,” Donna said. She took Cameron’s free hand in her own, looked up adoringly at Cameron, and said, “…that’s gay.”

Cameron snorted, and then said, “I asked for that, huh?”

Donna let go of Cameron’s hand so she could put her arm around Cameron’s shoulders. “Seriously though. I think we have skewed ideas about sex. Unrealistic expectations about how easy or how naturally it will come to us. We think we’re gonna have the best and wildest sex of our lives in our 20s, but it doesn’t work like that? Figuring out what you really like, and what you need to feel fully comfortable, and then finding partners who you’re really compatible with, that takes time, a lot of time, and a lot of effort, too! Every woman I’ve ever talked to about it was well into her 30s when she figured it out.”

“So it’s not just me, then?” Cameron said.

“No, it is definitely not just you,” Donna said.

Quietly, Cameron said, “Do you ever kind of feel like sex is maybe just, like, a little overrated? I really, really like you and all, but….”

Kissing the top of Cameron’s head, Donna said, “Not lately, no! But I know what you’re saying. It’s great but it’s also not worth the indignities a lot of us tolerate for it. People act like it’s a necessity, and it’s not! It’s a luxury! That some people aren’t even that into! And there’s nothing weird about that!”

“It’s a little strange to hear you say that after a year of sleeping with you and seeing first-hand just how much of a freak you are, but I appreciate it nonetheless,” Cameron said. 

“Oh, honey,” Donna arched an eyebrow. “We’re just getting started.” Cameron looked over at her and laughed nervously, and then Donna said, “There’s always gonna be more to us than that, though. Because we started out as more than that, and I’m happy about that. I’m glad that we were partners before we became, you know. Partners.”

Sighing contentedly, Cameron said, “So am I, Boss.”

[rubykgrant]

Things I would sprinkle onto Aaron Stack to make his character even MORE entertaining-

-he literally can’t do those “Prove you are not a robot” tests, and it ticks him OFF

“Wait... this says words? Like, actual words? Why can’t I read it? I can translate almost every known language, WHY CAN’T I READ THIS!”

“Wait, give me a sec... I should be able to do this... I know what a stop sign is, I’ve seen them, I SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO THIS”

-his robot brain is indeed very advanced, but when he developed a personality he also somehow became neruodivergent, it is hard for anybody to test him or try to classify what this means, but stuff like this happens

(other hero) Hey Arron, what time is it?

Aaron “Uh... I don’t know. I can’t tell time on old clocks. I always get confused about the hour hand and the minutes... I can only read digital clocks”

OK but... isn’t your BRAIN a digital clock?

“Yeah”

Then what time is it!?

“Oh. Oh yeah... It’s 4:34 pm”

-he is constantly explaining “memes” to the other characters (they run into young people that speak in riddles all the time), and when they ask how the heck he knows what any of it means, he just dabs and says “My mind is the internet”

-he’ll talk smack about how humans are just “fleshy meat bags”, but he is in fact FASCINATED by human stuff (and this ranges to many things, like him thinking wrinkles/freckles/pimples are really cool)

-he’s super OK with people info dumping to him, and he’ll sit and listen to all the tragic back stories everybody has for hours

-he tries to look like a stern and serious robot most of the time, but if he thinks something REALLY funny, he has a stupid and uncontrollable laugh

-he is very susceptible to bribery and flattery, if people tell him he looks pretty and he’s a very special robot, he’ll just do them favors. he’s fully aware that they are just buttering him up and he can’t stop it, but also nobody asks him to do anything horrible, so it isn’t a problem (just like... go get them a soda, ect)

-when he gets in a MOOD, he goes into full rants about how robots are the best, humans suck, and he has to reel it in before he just starts chanting EXTERMINATE EXTERMINATE (he’s not gonna actually DO anything, he just has to throw a hissy-fit every once in a while)

-he’ll get all in a huff if nobody pays attention to him for too long; he’s both attention-starved AND a drama-queen

-the other MOOD he gets into is super depressed because “Woe is me, I am a misunderstood robot, my emotions are ignored by mankind, but does not even a robot weep?” and then he starts crying

-instead of not being able to experiences various senses like people expect from a robot, he can actually see/hear/taste/smell stuff even MORE strongly than a regular human. this is why even though he doesn’t “need” to eat, he still does just because food tastes good 

[w-ngs]

may20

feels weird writing about something as mundane as a ~monthly completeds~ during a literal fuckin’ revolution, so i just wanted to point whoever might end up reading this to my second to last post where i linked: 1) a website with multiple other links to donate to and 2) a link to a free (!!!!!) youtube video that you can watch without skipping ads to help generate revenue for even more donations. we can at least do this much to help our black brothers and sisters.

~ pachinko, min jin lee — originally i was going to make a full, separate post about this book because oh my god how beautifully tragic and culturally eye-opening of a book. but it actually took me uh... around 3 months to finish reading because it kinda got forgotten in the middle of moving back home from college and quarantine and all the other coronavirus business. i don’t want to butcher what i remember about the first half, so i moved it to here. great ready, this is going to be kind of a long one. while reading, i was fully struck by how i literally know nothing, NOTHING about my korean culture. koreans as a whole have suffered discrimination in ways i didn’t know asians could suffer. what made it even more mind-boggling was that it was discrimination by other asians. the japanese, to be specific. honestly, i got nothing against them. my parents are very staunchly on one side (you can probably guess which) and rightly so. they’re products of a fading japanese imperialism, so there’s no reason for them not to have strong opinions about japan. what i feel like i should have expected, but really didn’t, was how much death was a prevailing factor within all the stories. it’s everywhere. and because of that, as well as other factors such as racism or depression or sickness or even freak accidents, no one even came close to living what most people would categorize as a happy life (i say most people because i’m kind of iffy about the concept of “happiness,” so whenever i refer to the feeling it’s more in a generally accepted definition of the word). not a single person was able to escape suffering on the basis of ethnicity. lol there was one moment where i wondered how they could tell koreans apart from japanese because there are times when i can barely tell different asians apart myself. but i guess since koreans in japan (and in general, except our mans koh hansu) lived less privileged lifestyles, it would be easy to tell with a glance at their outer appearance. another aspect about this story i found striking was lee’s writing style. although simple, it added just enough detail to really make that emotional punch hit you right in the gut. there were some characters i felt more attached to than others (noah and sunja, you two will live in my heart), but there wasn’t a single person’s story i didn’t want to read about. each one offered glimpses into lives of koreans who moved to japan to try and live better lives. but alas, hardships exist no matter where one goes. lee’s book taught me that there is so much more to my culture than what i’m only currently exposed to, and it made me want to know more. more about my history and the people that suffered and died to try and create a better world for their children.

~ educated, tara westover — see my full post about this book here! also, just read it. you won’t regret it.

~ an enchantment of ravens, margaret rogerson — cindy (readwithcindy on youtube; i love her check her out) gushed about this book so much in her past videos it made me really hyped to read it as well. except i was really disappointed, lol. her biggest point was that the book’s basically all fluff, which is true for some parts. but the fluff ain’t even that fluffy. i was excepting cotton candy/make-your-teeth-ache fluff, but it was meh. honestly i think my favorite character was either gadfly (what a savage) or aster (what a psychotic but still adorable girl). i did like the concept of “craft” and its consequences/benefits. the world-building was well thought out and overall an interesting take on faeries. i’d recommend it to people who are in the mood to enjoy a short and simple romance fantasy story.

~ the grand design, leonard mlodinow & stephen hawking — the book i actually wanted to read instead was a brief history of time, but that wasn’t available in my library’s ebook app yet. so i picked this one because it sounded interesting (multiverse theory! wow!) and i was truly not disappointed. i also had no idea what my brain was absorbing more than half the time and i don’t think i retained even a fourth of what was said. but they did talk about some cool things, like parallel universes and how we literally create our own past by trying to figure out how it happened. and how there are infinite choices we could have made but those don’t end up mattering because the choices we made are what have placed us where we are now. or something along those lines. a very cool book. wish i had the brain capacity to appreciate it more fully.

~ lol also i made a post about crash landing on you if anyone wants to read it haha

[welllpthisishappening]

All the Subliminal Things (3/3)

Emma Swan does not believe in soulmates.

Or so she says. Because if her soulmate did, actually, exist, he should have shown up by now. So, she must be a fluke, a broken cog in a system that really doesn’t make much sense anyway. It is, she figures, why she agrees to meet David’s friend before Regina and Robin’s wedding. This guy doesn’t believe in soulmates either.

She’s intrigued.

Until she hears him talk. And everything flips after that.

—–

Rating: Teen Word Count: Still around 5K’ish AN: The kissing! It’s here! As always, I cannot thank you guys enough for reading the words I throw at you and for saying nice things about those words. It’s the best. As is the completely unplanned coincidence that this fic finished posting on the same day the Jonas Brothers released an album. (It’s really good. I listened to it four times while I was driving across most of New York state today.) An also very loud shoutout to @resident-of-storybrooke and @cssns for being fantastic.

Also on Ao3 if that’s your jam.

—–

“What kind of music is this?” “Good music.” Emma shakes her head, slumping further into the passenger’s seat. She rests her feet on the dashboard, fully expecting the eyebrow arch she gets. From both eyebrows. And Killian’s lips twitch. She may, admittedly, be picking a fight.

So his lips will twitch.

She may be staring at his lips.

She slept so well the night before.

“This is not music,” Emma argues, lolling her head to the side. Killian’s eyes flit towards hers, not taking his gaze completely off the road, which is probably for the best, since there’s a surplus of weekender traffic and the Long Island Expressway is starting to look a bit like a parking lot. “This is...I don’t even know.” “Your points are really astounding, love.” Emma can’t help the smile that splits her face. It makes her cheeks cramp and leaves something in her stomach that may be butterflies, a warmth and ease and--”What kind of appetizers do you think they’ll have?”

“Locksley mentioned something about a cocktail hour and a fish course.” “Wow,” Emma says, a low whistle that draws a laugh out of Killian. She’s still staring at his mouth. And the fingers that flutter on the steering wheel, not sure if he’s keeping time to the music she doesn’t really dislike all that much or doing his best not to reach for her.

She hopes it’s the second.

She should tell him the truth at some point. Maybe after the wedding.

She doesn’t know what happens after the wedding.

“I hate seafood,” Emma adds, and that time his laugh is a little louder. He reaches for her hand.

“Tell you what, Swan, you can eat all the baked mozzarella--” “--Baked mozzarella?” “That’s apparently what Cora is calling it, because fried is too offensive or something.” “Ah.” “So you eat all the baked mozzarella and I’ll make sure it looks like you’re an actual adult who’s actually willing to try and eat new things.” “This is getting a little opinionated, don’t you think?” Killian shakes his head. “Not at all? We got a deal?”

Emma considers it for a moment -- the sound of her pulse in her ears beating in time with the music. “We’ve got a deal. But you’ve got to eat, like, at least four shrimp.” “That’s fair, love.”

He squeezes her hand and they stay exactly where they are. In the middle of the world’s largest traffic jam.

The whole thing is a little overwhelming.

That is a lie. Little is a gross understatement. The castle is a castle in a fairy tale sort of way, rented out for the weekend because Regina’s family may actually be royalty and Mary Margaret looks a little embarrassed by the whole thing.

Emma keeps sending photos to Ruby.

If only to show Killian her responses. It makes him laugh. And linger in Emma’s space. She’s a crazy person.

Cowardly and a great, big giant liar, kind of petulant, just sort of a jerk, so goddamn depressed she’s positive she reeks with it, an incredible overpacker and maybe a little clingy.

And they’re hours into the day, traffic long forgotten and whatever Killian wanted to talk about never discussed because there was an accident by exit 37 that kept them at a standstill for a solid forty-five minutes and Emma’s not worried about it.

It hasn’t lingered in the back of her brain all day, making it difficult to pay attention to a rehearsal dinner she probably shouldn't have been a part of anyway. David kept shooting her and Killian furtive looks from the other side of the hall.

This was the kind of castle where the dining rooms looked like halls.

So, Emma grabs two glasses of champagne for herself, finds a spot outside where she can see some stars and takes her heels off. She makes it through half a glass before she hears the footsteps. It makes her smile.

“You trying to run away, love?” Emma downs the rest of her champagne, holding the other glass up over her shoulder. “Nah, just trying not to scream with all that romance in there.” His fingers are warm when they brush over hers, pulling the glass away and sinking onto the bench, close enough that she swears she can feel the warmth radiating out of him. There’s a pulse to it, as if it’s trying to get Emma’s heart to match up with its rhythm and that’s far too romantic a thought, particularly with all the things she’s already run away from and, maybe, running towards and--

“What did you want to tell me before?” Killian tenses, breath catching audibly. “Oh, uh...that’s--”

“--And, as a follow-up were you in Boston at some point?”

“Yeah.” His voice is clipped, cautious and something else that sounds a bit like the absolute fear Emma can feel in the pit of her stomach. She needs to tell him the truth. She’s not sure how that’s going to end well.

She can still hear the music coming from the hall.

“When?” “That’s uh...that’s kind of what I wanted you to talk about.” Emma blinks, neck aching when she nods as slowly as humanly possible. Killian’s tongue darts between his lips. “So, uh...I know David told you I didn’t believe in soulmates, but that wasn’t---I told you my mom died when I was a kid. And Liam couldn’t afford to take care of me, so I went into the system until I aged out and followed him. Navy,” he supplies when Emma’s face presumably does something vaguely confused. “Served for awhile. Until--”

He lets out a shuddering breath, eyes falling towards his lap and Emma reaches out instinctively. She squeezes his hand, a tight smile on her lips. “Did Liam die?” “Badly. As if there’s a good way to die. But it was...well it was a mistake and there was lots of paperwork, but then he was gone and it was over and I didn’t really--I left, Swan. Ran, honestly. As quickly and as far as I could and I ended up in Boston the day after the funeral with no plan and no idea and I…” “What?”

Emma hates the way the question shakes out of her, but she’s got half an idea and an inkling of hope and Killian tugs her hand up towards his lips before he answers. Her heart stutters. “It was like the Earth flew into a black hole or something. Like I could feel everything and want everything and I was standing on a T-platform in Beacon Hill and I swear it was--it was like waking up. It was the best thing that had ever happened to me at the worst moment in my life.”

She blinks. It’s a pretty lame response, really. She can’t come up with another one.

“I don’t…” “I met Milah three days later.” Oh. Oh. Damn. God damn. God damn, fuck, shit damn.

“Right,” Emma mumbles, trying to pull her hand back to her side and it doesn’t work. He’s holding onto her too tightly. There’s probably a metaphor there. It’s probably depressing. “Right, right, well...that’s good, then, huh?” Killian gives her a rueful laugh, half a smile. “I don’t think you’re supposed to watch your soulmates die, love. That seems wrong, don’t you think?” “You watched her die?” “Car accident. All the tragic high points of wrong place, wrong time and she’d only just left her husband, which...soulmates probably shouldn’t have other husbands to begin with, right?” “Probably not. Is that…?” She nods towards his hand, fingers ghosting over the plastic.

“Yeah, yeah, the whole thing was incredibly horrendous. Twisted metal and I can remember things being on fire and I was in the hospital for a small eternity. It kind of...you said before I was a little bitter? It’s more than that, Swan. That night changed everything, left me with nothing and no one and I thought Milah was my soulmate. Was sure of it, couldn’t come up with a scenario where she wasn’t, but…” “But?” Emma prompts, not sure she wants the answer.

“I don’t think soulmates really exist. There’s no way. Not if I felt that and then got it pulled away and this has been--” Killian shakes his head, another laugh pressed into the bend of Emma’s knuckles. She can feel him smile. “I’m not faking it, Emma. I like you and I like spending time with you and I--”

She doesn’t let him finish.

She should. She should tell him that he’s her soulmate and she’s been thinking about his voice since she was sixteen, but the words get caught in her mouth and kissing Killian Jones is better than anything Emma imagined.

She imagined it quite a bit.

His lips move over hers in a pattern that is impossibly familiar, tilting his head until they’re practically occupying the same space and whatever noise he makes as soon as her fingers fly into his hair will be branded on every one of her memories for the rest of her life.

She tries to arch up, but that only ends with her climbing onto his lap and they’re half a second away from public indecency. At a castle.

They don’t move. They don’t even try. They rock against each other, falling into a rhythm and a bit of momentum, both clearly desperate for any kind of friction and Emma is certain the stars she was looking at a few minutes before explode as soon as Killian’s mouth drops to her collarbone.

He laughs.

“Asshole,” she grumbles, but it’s an endearment and he knows it and maybe she can work with this. Maybe she’s the worst. Maybe she just wants to be greedy for a moment.

She wants to be wanted. At least for the night.

“Yeah, that’s definitely the sentiment I was going for,” Killian grins, another kiss to her skin and more goosebumps. “You cold, love?” “Oh my God, I’m going to strangle you.” “You’d mess up your nails.” He knows she got a manicure two days before. Her nails had looked like shit from guns and criminals and that second one wasn’t really an excuse, but Emma was irregularly hopeful and she really can’t think when he kisses her.

“That’s frustratingly practical,” Emma mumbles, dragging her nails down the back of his neck. He makes that noise again.

That’s why she did it.

“You want to be anywhere that isn’t here?” she asks. She yelps when Killian stands up. With her. “Jeez, neanderthal. I can walk on my own.” He hums, still kissing her and it’s kind of messy and decidedly not practical and Emma has no idea how they get back inside. They stumble and trip, hands moving quickly and slowly, a weird give and take of emotion and feeling and everything Emma isn’t telling him.

Cowardly and a great, big giant liar, kind of petulant, just sort of a jerk, so goddamn depressed she’s positive she reeks with it, an incredible overpacker, maybe a little clingy, and exceedingly selfish.

She gasps when her back collides with a door, head bouncing slightly. Her hair’s fallen down her back, strands threatening to poke her in the eye, but then Killian’s fingers are brushing across her cheek with a reverence that makes Emma wonder if time itself hasn’t paused to let her linger in this moment.

She wants to put up camp in this moment.

She wants to hoard it and think about it and it’s still not the moment. That’s...that’s weird.

“I like you too,” Emma says, and it’s not nearly enough, but it might be as good as she’s going to get and she really wants him to know. His answering smile makes it seem worth it.

Killian ducks his head almost as soon as the words are out of his mouth, tongue brushing across her lips and hand still cupping her cheek. It’s a mix of heady and not, of absolutely normal and the complete opposite and Emma never has any idea how they get the door open without falling over.

They leave a trail of clothes in their wake, shoes thrown without much thought to their direction and the rush of feeling that moves from the top of her head to the tips of her toes as soon as Killian hovers above her is enough to change the course of the universe.

Like a second Big Bang.

Or fireworks. Of the metaphorical variety.

She wakes with a start, breath catching in her throat and if everything exploded a few hours before, then the debris is suddenly landing on Emma's head. 

It's painful. 

She leaves. It’s stupid. She hates that she does it. She does it anyway, sunlight creeping in through gauzy curtains and she gets ready with Mary Margaret because Emma doesn’t have her own room.

She’s there with Killian.

As fake soulmates. Real soulmates. Kind of. It’s not going to work.

She’s an idiot.

And Mary Margaret doesn’t look all that surprised when she opens the door. “C’mon,” she says with a softly smile. “I’ll do your hair.”

She tells Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret’s eyes widen.

That’s the only reaction.

Emma can’t decide if that’s good or not.

Her dress is very red. 

It is genuinely unfair how good he looks in his tux. It’s well-tailored and he should probably never return it and Emma nearly bites her tongue in half sitting in a chair that’s getting more uncomfortable by the minute, listening to vows and promises and Killian tries to meet her gaze no less than eleven times during the ceremony.

Emma ignores him every, single time.

Because there are soulmates getting married and the whole thing is probably one, monumental joke the universe is playing on her and there was never a moment.

Not the right one, at least.

It doesn’t make any sense.

She ignores looks twelve through sixteen too, each one getting a little more concerned and pinched, the mark between his eyebrows likely going to become permanent at some point.

And she’s so busy doing whatever it is she’s doing that Emma barely hears Mr. and Mrs. or kiss the bride, just glances up to find look seventeen staring at her with enough feeling that she has to dig her nails into her palm to stop herself from moving.

“Swan,” Killian calls, a few minutes later with the crowd mulling in the lobby and a camera shutter snapping in the background and he’s already tugging his tie off.

Emma plasters a smile on her face, well aware of how fake it looks even without Killian’s arched eyebrow. “Swan,” he repeats, a hand landing on her hip. “Hey, where--where did you go before? I--David texted me that you were there and--” “--That’s where I was.”

“I kind of wanted to talk to you.” “Didn’t we do that?” Emma asks. “And not talk?” His tongue flashes, the tip of it lingering in the corner of his mouth and that’s only slightly distracting. “Yeah, that’s true. Still doesn’t explain why you went to Mary Margaret and David’s room. You could have woken me up, you know.” “I had to get ready.” “Your stuff was in our room.” That word bounces around her brain with the memories and the wants and, probably, some more misplaced hope. She nods. She must. Her hair moves, at least. “Swan,” Killian sighs, and this is only getting worse. That’s almost impressive. Or it would be if it didn’t suck such so much. “What is going on? If it’s--listen, I know last night was--” “--Last night was not something we should do again,” Emma interrupts. “It was...well, it was a mistake and this has been--we’ve been pretending, right? To get David off our collective and individual backs and get drunk? Did they open the bar yet?” “What? No, I--Swan, I told you yesterday. I’m not faking anything. You said you weren’t. You said--” “--I know what I said,” she snaps, and one of them should be able to finish a single sentence. Killian’s shoulders slump. “I know. I just...maybe you had a soulmate. I don’t want to--”

“You’re not.” “Killian, c’mon, let’s be honest--” “--I am being nothing but honest with you, Emma. The whole truth. My whole…” He inhales sharply, hissing the air through his teeth and there’s a glossiness to his gaze that wasn’t there in the last seventeen versions.

Emma’s nails are going to cut her palms.

“I meant what I said,” Killian finishes. “That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I think this is--”

He nearly growls when someone coughs behind them, less-than-polite and a little familiar and Emma knows Cora doesn’t remember her. “Mr. Jones,” she says cooly. “And guest.” “Emma,” Killian hisses. “This is Emma. She’s friends with your step-daughter.” “Oh, yes, of course. I thought I recognized the face. Did you two come together?” “Yeah,” Emma mumbles, several thousand emotions clinging to each letter and all of them might just boil down to disappointment.

Cowardly and a great, big giant liar, kind of petulant, just sort of a jerk, so goddamn depressed she’s positive she reeks with it, an incredible overpacker, maybe a little clingy, and exceedingly selfish.

Sad.

That’s the word for it. All-encompassing and all-consuming and she’s sad.

The tear that lands on her cheek seems a little pointless.

“Swan?” Emma shakes her head brusquely, but the tears don’t stop. If anything, they fall quicker, like they’re trying to prove a point and she should have told him from the start. She doesn’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet.

Maybe she’s just crazy.

That might be better.

“Together,” Cora echoes, either not reading the situation or, simply, not caring. “Interesting. And soulmate as well, I’d assume. You look rather close.”

Emma squeezes her eyes shut, praying to a variety of Gods she isn’t sure actually exist that she can disappear. She doesn’t. She feels Killian’s arm wrap around her instead, pulling her flush against his side and his cheek brushes over her hair when he nods. “Yeah. Soulmates.” Cora’s smile looks less than impressed. “Good for you. Always so wonderful when two people are able to find each other like that.”

“Would you excuse me?” Emma asks, voice rough and there are tears falling off her chin now.

She doesn’t wait for a response, just uncurls herself from Killian’s arm and marches down the hall with a purpose she absolutely does not have. A soulmate without a match and an orphan that no one wanted and, really, magic can go suck it.

Her legs stop moving about three-quarters of the way down the hall, dim lighting and a horribly patterned rug that she can’t believe Regina didn’t demand be removed and Emma’s dress bunches under her thighs when she slides down the wall.

It takes Elsa two full rings to pick up.

“Bad?”

“Yup,” Emma says, popping her lips on the word and the soft sigh in her ear is comforting in an end of the world sort of way. That feels melodramatic and kind of exactly what’s happening, something about the Earth and its previously affected rotation.

“Did you tell him?” “I can’t.” “Em,’ Elsa chastises. “You’ve got to tell him. What’s the worst that could happen? You’ve been together almost non-stop for more than a month. Even if he doesn’t believe in soulmates, this could still--” “--No, no, you don’t get it,” Emma cuts in, and eventually she will stop crying. Maybe in the next ten years. Whatever magical feeling she’d been feeling the night before has disappeared though, leaving an echo and an emptiness that feels as if it’s taking over her entire being.

A black hole.

She thinks that’s how the science works.

“What don’t I get?” “He doesn’t believe in soulmates--” “--We knew that already, that was part of the pitch.”

Emma shakes her head. Elsa can’t see her. She’s in a castle hallway. “He doesn’t believe in soulmates because his was killed. Tragically. And horribly. When he was in Boston, right after his brother died.” Elsa doesn’t respond immediately. Emma blinks. Twice. And one more time. “Thoughts,” she says, dragging the word out cautiously.

“Several thousand, honestly. But mostly...he was in Boston? At the same time you were in Boston? Like, maybe the same days, even?” Emma will promise for the rest of her life that she doesn’t freeze. And she doesn’t really – she’s blinking almost hyperactively, breath coming in pants and the fist she makes at her side causes her fingers to ache. She doesn’t freeze. She does everything else. Because she doesn’t have an answer.

And the thought hadn’t ever crossed her mind.

“I don’t--” she starts, jerking her head up when she hears cautious footsteps and he doesn’t move any further, standing stock-still with his tuxedo jacket gone and his hands in his pockets and the ghost of a smile lingering in the corners of his mouth.

“What day did you get to Boston?” Killian asks.

“What? That’s---I don’t understand.” Elsa’s saying something in the phone. Emma hangs up. She’ll apologize for that later.

“The date, love, please,” Killian says, and he still hasn’t moved. “Or the month. What month did you get there?” “What day did you get to Boston?” Emma challenges. His smile wavers, turning into something almost incredulous. Emma understands that. She can’t believe she’s asking for qualifiers, more misplaced hope lingering at the base of her spine. “Did David tell you something? Some crazy idea of this working and happily ever after? Because it doesn’t add up. It doesn’t. I’ve, well, I’ve been here for two years. It can’t--it’s not what you think it is.” “And what do I think it is?”

Emma glares at him. “Stop it. This is--” “--How long were you in Boston? A straight answer, Swan, it’s not that hard.”

“Yes, it is! It’s--” She shakes her head, jumping up and her phone crashes to the ground. Her skin is cracked. That’s probably a sign. “And it’s so stupid because soulmates are just forced love and expectations and I hate it. I hate the whole idea of it.”

Her whole body sags as soon as her jaw snaps shut, completely pitiful and just as sad as advertised. She’s crying again, tears blurring her vision which is probably why she doesn’t see Killian until he’s crowding into her space, an arm wrapping around her middle.

Emma’s hands move to his chest.

“It’s so stupid,” she repeats. “But I knew. I knew as soon as you walked in and you ordered that stupid coffee. I’d heard you before. When I was sixteen. I’d just been dropped off at a new group home because the last thing had been a disaster and it was like getting struck by lightning and--I knew, Killian, I knew.” She pulls in a deep breath, trying to regain her bearings but that’s admittedly difficult when Killian’s fingers lace through hers. “That was the moment. But it wasn’t for you. There was no--”

He doesn’t let her finish.

It’s incredibly cyclical.

One second she’s stammering out explanations and tears and the next his lips are back on hers and she’s pushing up on her toes to meet him easier and she should arrest herself for self-inflicted torture.

It’s better than it was the first time, more metaphors to be made about space and probably something about gravity and Emma briefly wonders if there are magnets in Killian’s hair.

It makes her laugh, the sound bubbling out of her. She can feel his smile, the arm around her waist tightening and she genuinely can’t believe she didn’t realize before.

She should have known as soon as she saw the world’s ugliest carpet.

Killian pulls away, dragging his mouth against her jaw instead and Emma’s back arches when he lands on her neck, tracing across skin and that spot behind her ear and she refuses to be held accountable for whatever noise she makes as soon as she hears the words.

Her words.

In her voice.

“It’s you, Emma.”

And just like that, it’s as if everything has settled. The world takes a deep breath, everything calm and normal and perfect in the way that nothing has ever been before and couldn’t ever hope to be again. “This whole time, Emma,” Killian continues, “it was you.”

“How?” “How? Did you just ask me how? What do you mean how?” “Exactly what that word means,” Emma mumbles impatiently, and that should not be an adverb she’s using in this situation. Her calves are starting to ache. “Ok, ok, I’m very confused. You don’t have a soulmate anymore. That’s...that’s right, right?” Killian shakes his head. “When did you leave Boston?” “Um, it was...December. It was freezing cold. It had snowed the night before, some kind of record-breaking thing that probably had to do with the water or whatever.”

“Record-breaking,” he repeats, a mix of disbelief and something Emma refuses to acknowledge in his voice. “December 20th? Did you leave on December 20th?” Emma clicks her teeth, trying to pinpoint dates and frustration over a moving service that blamed the snow for showing up three hours late. “Yeah, I think that’s right, actually. Where are you going with this?” He kisses her again. A little bruising and a little determined and as if he’s very certain of the next few words that are going to come out of his mouth. “I got to Boston on December 19th. I was supposed to get there the next day, but I couldn’t stay in Norfolk anymore and I just...I got in my car and drove and I was in Beacon Hill when I felt it. You.” Emma gapes at him. She’s doing that weird breathing thing again. “But, I--you said you met Milah three days later.” “I did. And I was very sure of a lot of things for a very long time, Emma. I really did love her. That--that hasn’t changed, but it was...I didn’t think I’d ever be able to feel what I felt in that moment again or even believe in much of anything after I lost her. Until you.”

She should respond without kissing him. She doesn't. He doesn’t seem to mind much. And they are very good at it.

“But that’s,” Emma starts, and part of her soars when Killian makes a noise as soon as she pulls her mouth away from his. “Ok, ok, hold on. So, I have my moment when I’m sixteen. You have yours two years ago and we’ve just been--” “--Idiots? Yes, I think that’s blatantly obvious. Why didn’t you tell me?” “About the moment?” Killian hums, and maybe he can actually see the pattern he’s following on her back. Something magical, probably. “Because it happened a lifetime ago and I’d been through so much shit and the Neal thing blew up in my face and I--David said you didn’t believe in soulmates.” Emma blinks when the realization slams into the back of her head. “Oh. That’s why. It hadn’t happened for you yet.” “I don’t understand. What hadn’t happened?”

Emma swallows, nodding at the arm still wrapped around her middle. “I couldn’t feel anything,” she whispers. “There was--” “--No hand, huh?” “I’m so sorry.” “That’s not your fault, love,” Killian says, brushing a kiss over her hair. “That’s...well that’s the world and I--well, you’ve been here for both of those things, Swan. Even if neither one of us realized it.”

“What do you mean?” “You never did ask why I decided to come to New York.” He does something ridiculous with his eyebrows and it takes Emma half a second to realize he’s having fun. She’s having fun. It’s exciting and ridiculous and, well...fun. “And I wasn’t going to,” Killian continues. “But Locksley was adamant and it was a good opportunity and all the hype. I just...I didn’t really decide to come until I got in my car and started driving and I knew it was right.” Emma has no idea what sound she makes. A laugh. A cry. The pure sound of complete and utter joy. “You knew?” “It felt like I was supposed to. That this was where I needed to be.”

“But wait, why didn’t you say anything? Did you realize it was me when you got here? Or feel something? And what did David say to you?” “Several very pointed things in the last two minutes, actually. But mostly that I was an idiot and that it was obvious how much I was into you, which is very true, just for the record.” Emma bites her lip.

“Anyway,” Killian continues. “He said he knew about Milah, but had been thinking about it and wasn’t it interesting that you and I might have been in the same city at the same time before?” “And you figured it out just like that?” “I’m very perceptive. Plus, I’d, well...I’d been thinking things. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I felt it again, that pull and the want and we were sitting on my couch and it was as if I’d only just realized the sun was still rising every day. I was sure I was going insane, but I figured even if we weren’t soulmates, it was--I would have followed you anywhere, Swan.” “That’s stupid romantic.” “Yeah, that was the goal.” They really are exceptionally good at kissing each other. They linger in each other’s space for awhile, more than content to press lips anywhere they can reach and she’s not sure which one of them makes what noise when another set of footsteps join the fray.

“Go away,” Killian says, not bothering to move his mouth away from Emma’s. She laughs again.

She can’t really help herself.

David does not, in fact, go away. “Did I do something good?”

“Are you here to gloat, Detective?” “I mean, a little? Was I right?” “Oh man,” Emma groans. “Were you following some kind of lead here? Was this just an exaggerated hunch?” “Not at first,” David admits. “But I did follow the overwhelming evidence that you two were spending nearly all your free time together and I knew you were both faking this date to get me off your back.” Killian scoffs. “Were we faking this, Swan? I’m not sure that we were.” “Nah,” she says, grinning when David rolls his eyes. “Probably not. Hey, you want to go on a date or something? Like...tomorrow.” Emma is very proud of the flush that forms on Killian’s cheeks immediately. “Tomorrow?” “Yeah, or like...today. Dates end with kissing, right?” David mumbles a string of increasingly creative curses, Killian’s eyebrows doing something impossible and the butterflies in the pit of Emma’s stomach feel strong enough that they could very easily plan world domination.

“Yeah, they do,” Killian nods. “C’mon, love, let’s go critique alcohol options.” They don’t wait for David to say – or curse – anything else, Killian tugging Emma down the hall with smiles on their faces and her phone still on the floor. She assumes David picks it up, shouting something that sounds like “I knew you’d do that” at them.

He dances with her.

She’s never danced with anyone before.

Emma can’t stop smiling, spinning and twirling and she’s never thought the world twirl before in her life.They dance and they drink and, at some point, someone asks Killian if he’s there with his soulmate.

His answering smile could probably power whatever machine this piece of garbage DJ is using.

Emma can’t believe Regina’s wedding has a DJ.

“Yeah,” he nods, the arm around her waist tightening slightly and it’s difficult to understand the words when they’re pressed against the top of her hair. “I am.”

Mary Margaret’s answering squeal can probably be heard on the moon.

She calls Ruby. In the middle of the reception.

Ruby’s answering scream is piercing.

“Can’t keep a secret to save her life,” Emma mumbles, but then the music shifts and they’re moving again and she can’t seem to catch her breath. “Hey, um,” she adds, glancing up and she’s fairly certain he already knows what she’s going to say. She says it anyway. That’s a nice feeling. “I love you.”

They keep moving when he kisses her, an impressive show of balance and romance and really sticking it to the whole soulmate trope because Emma’s fairly certain she’d mean it without the labels or the names and--

“I love you,” he says, mumbled against her lips and the curve of her jaw and the bridge of her nose. Over and over. A repeat and return and some kind of joke about rhythm that’s appropriate with a really shitty DJ in the background.

It’s perfect.

And they don’t actually do much except sleep later, curled up in the middle of a very expensive hotel room bed because it’s still a castle and Killian mentions something about liking the color of your dress, love and Emma closes her eyes with a smile on her face, certain, for the first time that she can hope for everything.

And get it. 

They go to Disney World two years later.

After they elope.

No one is surprised.

[postcardsfromperry]

Thoughts on Lover

@taylorswift you killed it. To be perfectly honest, starting with Red it's been a learn to love (I don't do well with change and I lovelovelove them all now!), but with this album I immediately lovered it!

It was really hard to rank the songs on this album because they are all so good! But here's my take.

#18 False God

This is the only song that I had a "meh" reaction to. It's slowly growing on me, but if one song had to be cut, it would be this one.

Favorite lyrics: "I know heaven's a thing / I go there when you touch me, honey / Hell is when I fight with you"

#17 Cruel Summer

I like this song, but I just don't get this song. I like the sound and, I love love love the bridge, but I just don't understand it. (I also thought the lyrics were "he looks so pretty like the devil" instead of "he looks up grinning like a devil")

Favorite lyrics: "I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you" and "'And I scream, "For whatever it's worth / I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"'

#16 You Need to Calm Down

Very fun song and I like it a lot, who would have thought this would be one of the weaker songs on the album? This song is a triple, most of the rest of the songs are completely out of the park home runs! Great message, I think everyone one needs to calm down (ironically especially the left).

Favorite lyrics: "Say it in the street, that's a knock-out / But you say it in a tweet, that's a cop-out" and "Shade never made anyone less gay".

#15 ME!

Fun light song. Every time I hear the song I do the UH hand to the forehead from the music video. The music video was so great and the cat surprise!!! ME! was her first opening single I've immediately loved since Mine. (While I've grown to appreciate WANEGBT, I thought it was a joke when I first heard it when she played it on her live stream party. I thought she'd be like "JK here's the real single". Again, don't do well with change). I didn't mind the hey kids part, and was actually disappointed it was removed from the album version.

Favorite lyrics: "I'm the only one of me / Let me keep you company-e-e-eh / Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh / You're the only one of you / Baby, that's the fun of you"

#14 London Boy

Fun song! Cool learning more about London, makes me want to go back! I thought it was clever.

Favorite lyrics: "He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet / Darling, I fancy you" and "So I guess all the rumors are true / You know I love a London boy / Boy, I fancy you"

#13 Miss Americana

Love the sound of this song. The metaphor is also interesting (easy to relate to on either team. As someone whose team has always been loosing where I live this is very, very relatable). The song can be enjoyed regardless of the political metaphor.

Favorite lyrics: "American stories burning before me / I'm feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed / Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men? / Darling, I'm scared"

#12 It's Nice to Have a Friend

Cute sweet song, I love it! Great classic Taylor Swift story telling song writing. I like the continued theme of snow.

Favorite lyrics: "Church bells ring, carry me home / Rice on the ground looks like snow / Call my bluff, call you "Babe" / Have my back, yeah, every day / Feels like home, stay in bed / The whole weekend"

#11 I Forgot That You Existed

I love this song! It is upbeat and sends a good message. "It isn't love it isn't hate it's just indifference" hits the nail on the head when it comes to truly being over something. I really need to work on the whole "I forgot that you existed" thing as I tend to hold on to grudges and let them consume me. Can't wait for the peaceful and quiet.

Favorite lyrics: "Your name on my lips, tongue-tied / Free rent, living in my mind"

#10 Afterglow

I think I would like this song more if it was earlier on the album. By the time I get here, I'm so overwhelmed with good songs it is difficult to fully appreciate. It is the perfect song to go after ME! though. There are so many good lyrics in this song. The chorus and verses are so relatable.

Favorite lyrics: "I lived like an island, punished you with silence / Went off like sirens, just crying / Why'd I have to break what I love so much? / It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say" and "I'm the one who burned us down / But it's not what I meant / Sorry that I hurt you / I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you / I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you"

#9 The Man

I honestly was expecting not to like this song. I was worried it would be ungrateful and just eye roll. But it was the opposite - the sound and the lyrics! Taylor is in a unique position where being a woman has helped her most of her career (no one would have played a male teenager writing songs like that on country radio). However, she certainly has been held to different standards as a woman. I like how the chorus is relatable to anyone and the verses are uniquely personal to Taylor. Taylor would be THE man.

Favorite lyrics: "I'm so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I'd get there quicker if I was a man / And I'm so sick of them coming at me again / 'Cause if I was a man, then I'd be the man"

#8 Soon You'll Get Better

Wow. This song. I sobbed the first few times I heard it. (I still have to skip over it at work). We had to take a listening break after this one. The story telling and the small details.... Taylor, thank you for sharing such a personal song. I hope your mother gets better soon.

Favorite lyrics: "Holy orange bottles, each night, I pray to you / Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too" and "And I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to? / What am I supposed to do / If there's no you?"

#7 Daylight

Such a perfect ending to a perfect album. What a great message. I really need to step into the daylight and let it go. I love this song so much, there are so many hidden gem lyrics in this one. Hard to pick favorites. Love being burning red to golden, great call back, even better lesson.

Favorite lyrics: "I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you / I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you" and "I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked / Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke" and "I once believed love would be (Burning red) / But it's golden / Like daylight"

#6 Paper Rings

I love this song so much! Great story telling, perfect details, and a great message. I immediately lovered it and it originally was in my top 3. Since then it's gone down a little I think because my love of slow songs is catching up to me, it is so SO hard to rank these top 6. This song is upbeat and happy. I just want to dance around. Especially that pre-chorus. Makes me want to marry my boyfriend with paper rings!

Favorite lyrics: "Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet / Now I've read all of the books beside your bed" (too cute, funny how things change!) and "I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings / Uh huh, that's right, you're the one I want".

#5 Lover

I simply LOVER this song! This song is everything I love about Taylor Swift. The story telling, the simplified arrangement of the song - I am so glad she went back to her roots on this song. A week or two after the album was released I went out to happy hour with some coworkers and this song was playing and my boyfriend walked in and I melted. Huge bonus that the music video is just perfect.

Favorite lyrics: "Can I go where you go? / Can we always be this close forever and ever?" and "My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue / All's well that ends well to end up with you"

#4 I Think He Knows

THIS SONG!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! Not a song I would usually expect to love this much but I do. Skipping around with this song in my head. Also, my boyfriend totally knows! I love the throw back to sparks fly and how she's driving.

Side note - When I sing this song I change attitude to cattitude. It's like gorgeous how I sing this song to my cats. I really want to make a parody version song about an animal shelter with cats.

Favorite lyrics: "I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans / It's like I'm 17, nobody understands / No one understands" and "He got my heartbeat / Skipping down 16th Avenue / Got that, oh, I mean / Wanna see what's under that attitude like / I want you, bless my soul / And I ain't gotta tell him, I think he knows" and "Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh / We can follow the sparks, I'll drive"

#3 Death By A Thousand Cuts

This song. Taylor proves that she can still write sad songs even when she's happy. Even though I'm happy, I still love sad songs. I cried the first time I heard this song, I don't think I could handle this song if my boyfriend and I ever broke up. There are so many great lyrics and details in this song. The traffic lights lyric is so desperate and tragic. I love this song so much. (This song goes back and forth between #2 and #3).

Favorite lyrics: "And what once was ours is no one's now / I see you everywhere, the only thing we share / Is this small town / You said it was a great love, one for the ages / But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?" and "I look through the windows of this love / Even though we boarded them up / Chandelier's still flickering here / 'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not" and "Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand / Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans" and "I take the long way home / I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright / They say, "I don't know"".

#2 Cornelia Street

This song is both heartbreaking and happy. I love it! The song writing on this is absolute perfection. Not going to lie, this one also made me cry the first time I heard it. The emotion behind this song is so raw and real - "kind of heartbreak time could never mend" just kills me. Continuation of her doubts from the archer and a peak through the years of this relationship. There's a happy ending but at the same time still worry. I need a stripped down version of this song. This song goes back and forth between #2 and #3.

Favorite lyrics: "We were a fresh page on the desk / Filling in the blanks as we go / As if the street lights pointed in an arrow head / Leading us home" and "And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends / I'd never walk Cornelia Street again / That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend" and "Years ago, we were just inside / Barefoot in the kitchen / Sacred new beginnings / That became my religion, listen".

#1 The Archer

The emotion behind this song is so raw and real. Taylor is letting us in to her deepest darkest self doubt. I love every single thing about this song. Every lyric just cuts right to the heart. I turn this song up every time so I can hear every detail masterfully woven into the song. The way she pleads "help me hold onto you" kills me. But what I love most about this song is that it ends on a positive note "you could stay" and she's ready to fight for this relationship. This song is my #2 or #3 favorite Taylor Swift song with All Too Well at #1 and I go back and forth on Clean being #2 or #3.

Favorite lyrics: all of them, but especially "I wake in the night / I pace like a ghost / The room is on fire / Invisible smoke / And all of my heroes / Die all alone / Help me hold on to you" and "I've been the archer / I've been the prey / Screaming, "Who could ever leave me darling... / But who could stay?""

Over all. I'd say a 13/10. I cannot wait for Loverfest West. And also, when does album #8 come out? Seriously though Taylor, thank you for these past 13 years. Your music has been there for me throw the end of middle school, high school, college, and now the real world. I cannot wait to see what is next for you.

lovelovelove

A

[kob131]

https://magicalhunterpaladin.tumblr.com/post/179157882878/you-want-to-talk-about-wasted-potential-lets

And just like ‘muh wasted potential’, you fundementally misunderstand the show’s goal.

Then Summer became pregnant with Qrow’s daughter, Ruby. Here the details get fuzzy, but the version of the story that makes the most sense to me is that the pregnancy caused Summer and Qrow’s relationship to break down. The two would have been unable to see each other for nine straight months; meanwhile, Tai would have stepped into the role of caretaker for Summer and eventual father figure for Ruby. Summer grew closer to Tai as her relationship with Qrow became increasingly strained, until the two finally broke up and Summer took up with Tai. Somewhere in the midst of this, Ruby was born, and the three parents agreed that Summer and Tai would assume the roles of mother and father to the two girls while Qrow would act as their uncle.

Does...does ‘oh you came pregnant so I’mma gonna break down this relationship’ sound like something Qrow OR Summer would do? This is on par with ‘Oh Aang didn’t give his kids enough attention’ in how contradictory the character is used. Qrow is basically defined by loyalty with how he fondly talks about his team, how vehemently he defended Ozpin, how betrayed he sounded when Raven used him and how broken he was by Ozpin’s betrayal. I don’t think Qrow would betray Summer or Ruby. And Summer? Doesn’t sound like the ‘I’mma keep this child’s parentage a secret’ type. Doesnn’t even make sense. Why would Taiyang care?

Summer and Tai have a few pleasant years together before Summer disappears. If Qrow hadn’t already become an alcoholic in response to the breakup and being unable to see or care for his own child, he becomes one now. -

Because a guy constantly watching people die, his family ditching him to go live with murderers and thieves and forced to research fucking SALEM wouldn’t be enough to justify his alcoholism alongside a dear friend dying?

This is really pushing things.

He’s lost the woman he loved, first because of his semblance and then because of other mysterious forces beyond his control.

Yeah, kind of makes you want to see him dead. That’s a pretty big issue for a show like RWBY.

Years of grief and loneliness follow as he waits for Yang and then Ruby to become old enough that they stand a fighting chance against whatever bad luck he drags along with him, at which point he throws himself headlong into their combat training.

Great, we’re also now erasing Taiyang from this since HE taught Yang, not Qrow. And you’re expecting me to think that Qrow would believe two untrained kids would stand a chance while the fully trained team leader didn’t? No, I’,m not buying that. Especially not from the woman who bitched that Yang shouldn’t have abandonment issues about Raven.

He loves both girls, but he and Ruby always shared a deeper bond. She takes after him in the way she dresses and even designs the same type of melee weapon for herself as the one he uses. Despite everything, their father/daughter connection still holds strong.

Several people have pointed out that Yang being torn up about her biological mom leaving when she was a baby doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since she never had the chance to get attached to Raven and she still had a loving and stable family with Summer and Tai, and I think that really gets at how the parental abandonment trope is supposed to work and why RWBY utterly failed at implementing it.-

Nuh uh, you already set a different standard.

But it’s too late for Qrow to turn back the clock on the person his grief made him into. He’s a drunk and a philanderer. He pushes everyone except the girls and Oz away - Oz, who’s too powerful to fall victim to the forces that cost Qrow his lover; Oz, who gives him a greater purpose than his lonely existence, even if it is as a pawn in questionable power schemes.

...

You JUST said Qrow threw himself into their training. For someone who bitches about RWBY;s writing, you sure suck at this.

And what of Qrow having a drinking problem? People can be functioning alcoholics you know.

Oh, and what part of Ozpin’s stuff a ‘questionable power scheme’? (You know, aside from ‘penis.’)

This is the version of Qrow that we could have had - a Qrow who was actually tragic and sympathetic and struggling to find his way after great loss. But the version of Qrow we got has almost no reason to be a womanizing alcoholic jackass. His entire drunkle schtick is rooted purely in self-pity. Now there’s a time and a place for a character like that, but it is not in the role of goofy, likeable hero that RWBY tries to play him as. And the more times passes since word of God declared that Qrow is not Ruby’s dad, he’s just like that, the more I wish Qrow would make like Sun and leave.

So basically this is a temper tantrum.

Okay then, let me tear into this stupidity-

A. Qrow is already tragic and sympathetic. As someone with depression, I’ve fallen into many of the same mental pitfalls as Qrow so my guess is you have no idea what you’re talking about. The man is a walking diaster area whose been stabbed in the back by his leader and sister while finding out his colleagues have all died. Pay attention.

B. WHERE exactly did we get ‘womanizer’ from? He made a comment about a woman’s skirt once to distract his niece and smiled at a waitress who FLIRTED WITH HIM. You don’t get to use memes the fandom took out of hand.

C. No shit, your version is also rooted in self pity. Your version is all about pitying himself to the point he broke down part of his relationship and ditched his kid while never telling her the truth. If anything, your version is WORSE because he’s basically a worse version of Taiyang (you know, that guy you hate.)

In fact D. This is basically Taiyang plus alcoholism. It even runs on an unsubtainated fucking meme. we don’t need another Taiyang.

E. how is Qrow a goofy likeable hero when he was portrayed as confrontational, rude, blunt, prone to drinking his feelings away and moody? These are all flaws the show points to, flaws you would be aware of if you paid attention.

And F. By this point, I don’t want Qrow to get better. At this point, the show has beaten him down to the point that I want him to die so the show can’t fuck with him anymore. You took a character in a show all about facing the darkness and doing what is right and made me want him dead out of pity. That is a spectacular failure.

Your ignorance has made this version to be not only the same character but with less consistency and actively attacking the show’s themes.

And you wonder why I don’t listen.

[acetokens]

My (post game) opinions on the ndrv3 cast

Alright, before the game came out I made this post where I basically vomited out my opinions on how I felt about the newly revealed ndrv3 cast onto a post and it was 50% jokes, 50% venting at fangirls. But now I've actually played the game, delved into the fandom and looked at the changes between the Japanese and English versions, I feel I can make a more genuine list of how I feel about all these good kids that deserved better. I realize my opinions are just that, and I’m probably yelling into the void here. But I felt I had to do a followup to the last post because MY GOD WAS I WRONG ABOUT (MOST) THINGS. I've listed every character in ‘favorite to least favorite’ order for convenience sake. Also this post will contain Spoilers. You have been warned.

Placed under a break for your skipping convenience. Ya’ll are welcome.

1. Himiko Yumeno - I absolutely adore everything about Himiko. Her design, her lazy attitude, her voice (NYEH), her development across the game to become a more driven and energetic person...I found her really funny, really cute and oddly relatable. Himiko is probably in my top 5 DR characters of all time. Which is even crazier when I remember she’s one of the few survivors. I've never had a favorite character who survives a killing game before. So unlike past Dangan Ronpa games where my interest sorta dies off by Chapter 6, Himiko kept me fully invested in everything until the end. She’s a special bean and I love her.

2. Gonta Gokuhara - Continuing the DR trend of a Big Guy who’s a Big Friend, Gonta was so good and so pure and so friendly and deserved so much better. He was always trying to do his best and protect everyone until the very end. R.I.P Gonta. You were a true gentleman. Chapter 4 can suck my ass.

3. Tenko Chabashira - I literally D E S P I S E D Tenko when she was first revealed. I hated her stupid, sexist guts. But come Ndrv3′s release and Tenko turned out to be a dorky, kind, protective and strong willed girl who was skilled enough to be admirable but pathetic enough to be pitiable at the same time. I loved her undying adoration of Himiko (even if it was a bit creepy at times) and the two make a really cute ship. I was expecting some kind of tragic backstory in her FTE’s to explain why she hates men (I believe she mentions a drunken father at one point, and I really wish they went more into that), and the lack of a reasonable explanation for such a strong hatred is what prevents her from sharing (or even taking) the top spot in my book. But misandry aside, Tenko is a Great Gal and I wanna hug her. Although she’d probably bodyslam me.

4. Kirumi Tojou - Kirumi was my favorite when all the characters were revealed at first. I made multiple posts about how I’d die for her and how she was beautiful and whatnot and I was confident about two things when the game came out: 1) She’d be my favorite. And 2) She’d die - following in the footsteps of all previous ‘best girls’ before her. And well, I did really like her. Just...not as much as I thought I would. Kirumi is efficient, brave, elegant, caring and has a really cool design. But her talent occupies most of who she is as a person, and she isn't too dissimilar to most maid characters in anime or manga. So it made her quite predictable at times and I feel they could’ve done so much more with her..ah well. Kirumi is still a super awesome maid and a great Mom. Even if she hates being called that.

5. Kaede Akamatsu - Ahh...I remember when I was wishing someone else would be our protagonist when she was first announced...I think I cursed it. Because Kaede was just *incredible*. She was headstrong, perceptive, kind and left such a big impact on me after Chapter 1. You know that ‘Do It For Her’ meme? Yeah, that about summarizes the rest of Ndrv3 for me. Also Kaede is a huge gay and all the Ndrv3 girls are her girlfriends, pass it on.

6. Ryouma Hoshi - Congratulations to Ryouma for being the only non-standard design character not to be terrible. Far from it, in fact. Ryouma is a badass! A lil’ badass with such a depressing backstory and death that when they showed his motive video, I let out a single manly tear. Or several. Or many. I just...I just want this man to be happy...

7. Miu Iruma - Miu has zipped up and down my lists more than any other character. I had her ranked highly pre-game, lowly during the game, and mid/high post-game. Her design and talent are really cool and she makes several neat inventions over the course of the game, but her personality was so damn prickly and vulgar that I found her really offputting while she was alive. It was only after finishing her FTE’s and seeing her Love Hotel scene that I realized holy shit this girl has some serious trust and abandonment issues. It put all of her behavior in perspective and I began to feel really sorry for her all of a sudden. The hurt/comfort potential here is just WAITING to be uncovered but, alas, most Miu fanfics I've come across are just smut or crackfics. Out of all the Ndrv3 girls, Miu deserves the most headpats. Lots and lots of headpats.

8. Kaito Momota - A good, supportive friend and an effective comic relief. His optimism was a bit grating for me now and again (I never like it when DR plays the ‘’Oh we should just believe in him/her because s/he’s our friend :)’’ card because of how biased it always is. Like, DR will sometimes bend over backwards and completely 180 its own rules to make sure certain characters survive. In a game where finding the truth by objective evidence and fact is key, the times where it just says ‘’nah fuck the truth who needs proof just b e l i e v e’’ just feel so...stupid). But criticisms of the series aside, Kaito is a bro and he’s great. Who doesn’t love the luminary of the stars?

9. Kokichi Ouma - I realise putting the most popular character at 9th is going to make hoards of fangirls despise me but!!!! I don’t dislike Kokichi. In fact I like him a lot. His character is probably the most enjoyable to analyze out of everyone, his interactions are hilarious but also disturbing, the Kokichi memes are funny, and I too think the changes they made to his dialogue in the English translation was utter bullshit (almost as greater character assassination as Mukuro in the DR3 anime). But, I really love most of the characters in the game which leaves characters I’m torn on (like Kokichi or Kiyo) hovering at a position which makes it seem like I dislike them when actually I enjoy them immensely. Just...not as consistently as some of the others. Also Chapter 4 was an kick to the nads that I can’t get over. Sorry Kokichi.

10. Korekiyo Shinguuji - I was prepared to LOVE this guy so much. Seriously. I was ready for the moment where it would turn out creepy noodle man would be turn out to be a Wholesome noodle man. But uh, I think I’m with the rest of the fandom when I say that Korekiyo’s reveal as the SHSL incestuous serial killer made me drop him faster than Kirumi dropped in her execution (sorry). So, now I've establish Kork is the *real* Worst Boy...why did I put him at 10th? Why not 15th? Especially considering he killed Tenko? Truthfully, it’s the memes. Just...the Kork memes. And the fact he’s such an awful person and so obviously a murderer that it becomes genuinely hilarious to me. And his design is my favorite out of all of them. I’m so split on him. So, so split...

11. K1-B0 - Keebo made me laugh a bunch of times, and I enjoyed him more than I thought I would initially. Also his upgrades in Chapter 6 were badass as fuck. But I just don’t really feel the same affection for him like I do other characters. I’m afraid cute robot girls will always be my weakspot. Cute robot boys...not so much. (Although I’m all for Agender! Keebo that’s my jam).

12. Shuichi Saihara - This is the point in my list where I finally reach true neutral. I have no feelings on Shuichi either way. He’s deeper and has a more interesting plot arc than Makoto, which makes him a more effective protagonist in my opinion. But Hinata will always be the best protagonist in my book. And I just keep picturing what it would’ve been like if Kaede survived instead...

13. Rantaro Amami - I never understood why he was uber popular before the game came out and I don’t think I understand why he’s so popular now either. I have no negative feelings on the guy; he’s mysterious and has a ‘big brother’ attitude that I like. But the poor dude just died too quickly for me to feel anything for him. 

14. Maki Harukawa - I only dislike three characters in this game. Maki is one of them. I knew *exactly* what kind of character she was going to be and I knew I wouldn’t like her much and I knew she was going to survive. I didn’t guess she was going to be an assassin! But outside of that, There isn’t much going for me for me. The tsundere is never an archetype I like and the fact the deaths in Chapters 2 and 5 are partly her fault and no one calls her out on it is kinda frustrating also. 

15. Angie Yonaga - Angie’s creepiness is her most appealing trait to me. That should explain how low the bar is set here. Its difficult to write what I feel about her without coming across as a salty atheist (because most of her problems revolve around her use of her god to manipulate people) so I’m just going to leave it there.

16. Tsumugi Shirogane - Y’know I distinctly remember labelling Tsumugi as ‘’Hifumi but likable’’ on my previous Ndrv3 opinion post. I was wrong. She was hovering around mid/low level for me while I played the game, and I often forgot she existed (kinda funny considering her self admitted plainness) and her references were quite obscure a lot of the time so I didn’t find her funny either. I didn’t dislike her, I just forgot her. Then Chapter 6 happened and everyone knows the rest. It’d be difficult to truly ‘like’ Tsumugi after her reveal as the mastermind, after all. Although she was certainly entertaining when she started cosplaying as all the previous characters and I did like how her eyes glowed when she went all DanganRonpa crazy. I did actually consider putting her above Angie for those reasons, but if I dropped Kokichi’s placement because he killed Gonta then I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t slamdunk Tsumugi into last place for technically being responsible for everyones’ deaths as well (well, responsible as part of Team DanganRonpa. I understand it wasn’t *entirely* her behind it all). You know there’s a problem when *Hifumi* looks pure in comparison...

If you read through all of this, then congratulations? I don’t know how to end long ass posts like this...just pretend I said something witty. 

I need sleep.

[carafinn]

won’t be soon before long

victuuri fairytale AU inspired by a tumblr post, ft. georgi who cannot get a break

It’s a beautiful summer morning, and Georgi’s seated on a large frond in the middle of the magical swamp in his backyard, trying his best to brood dramatically about his beloved Anya despite being silhouetted against a lovely magical forest full of cheerful woodlands creatures rather than the preferred bitterly cold wintery day or a cliff overlooking a tragically fleeting sunset.

“Help!” comes a man’s cry.

Georgi sighs. Dramatically.

It’s not the first time a traveller has wandered into his residence and strayed into his swamp; this is precisely why he’s erected multiple signage around the area to deter people from entering (and disrupting his very precious, very sacred brooding sessions): “DO NOT ENTER” “DANGER KEEP OUT” “WITCH NECROMANCER EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SOUL-SUCKING DEMON CREATURE OF THE DARK’S RESIDENCE” “MILKMAN TO LEAVE MILK UNDERNEATH POPPY PLANT THANK YOU”

Georgi rows himself to the source of the noise with a discarded tree branch and sees a young, silver-haired guy struggling to keep afloat. The man, upon spotting Georgi, immediately reaches his hands out to grab hold of Georgi’s tree branch to keep himself afloat. There’s a moment of silence as the two men tussle for ownership of the branch; Georgi loses his balance and almost falls off the frond.

“Who are you, and how dare you trespass upon my residence,” Georgi demands in his most impressive voice. Next to him, the tiny hatchling perched on his left shoulder lets out a particularly menacing chirrp. Smoke billows out ominously from Georgi’s cottage through the chimney, accompanied by the refreshing scent of freshly baked honeysuckle pie.

“I’m sorry,” begged the man. “I am Viktor Nikiforov, and I am the Royal Prince. My dad, the king, wanted to marry me off to some princess, but I didn’t want to, so I ran away into the forest and got lost.”

A royal scandal? A lost love, never meant to be? Now that’s the tragic backstory Georgi’s always dreamed of. He nods, and Viktor takes it as a sign to continue.

“- and then I was walking along a random path and I didn’t realise where I was going and I caught sight of a beautiful face in the swamp and was so enraptured by his beauty, I walked straight into the pond –”

The halfwit got distracted by his own reflection in the swamp. Everyday Georgi finds new things to be depressed about.

Georgi decides that it’s the last straw; if he’s is to deter other travellers from bumbling into his residence, he’s going to have to set his foot down and punish these wrongdoers, damnit.

“I’ll save you,” Georgi tells Viktor grimly, “In return for your most prized possession.”

Viktor considers the statement for a second. “Seems fair. What do you want?”

Georgi blinks, surprised. Clearly he hadn’t thought through it carefully. “Uh, how much do you have with you now?”

“I’ve, like, three bronze coins,” Viktor confesses. “And an old creaky violin.”

That won’t do. “Any other prized possessions?”

“I’ve a secret family recipe for a blueberry tart that’s famous in certain knitting circles,” Viktor offers.

Tempting, but… “Anything else?”

“I could offer you my virgini-”

“YOUR FIRSTBORN,” Georgi says, loudly. “YOU WILL GIVE ME YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD.”

“Sure, but how can you make sure I won't lie and run away?” Viktor frowns, concerned.

“We’ll enter a magically binding agreement,” Georgi decrees grandly, pulling out his wand with his free hand and gesturing to the air around them. “You will pass me your firstborn on the pain of death. Until you do, you’re not allowed to leave this forest.”

“Deal!”

A spark of magic flies out from Georgi’s wand, and then fizzes away; now Viktor will have no choice but to obey him.

“By the way,” Viktor says, “Were you trying to brood while sitting on a piece of banana leaf? That’s like, so uncool.”

Georgi lets go of the tree branch.

   Days turn into weeks turn into months, and Viktor still hasn’t found a better half to breed a spawn with.

Georgi realises, with a rising wave of panic, that being trapped in the forest as a means of escaping his royal arranged marriage might have been Viktor’s goal all along.

Desperate times beget desperate measures. If Viktor’s not going to actively try to do something about the state of his singlehood, then Georgi is going to intervene.

Georgi’s concept of romance has, thus far, involved a lot of one-sided pining, angst-ridden poetry, and inconsolable weeping.

Trying to get Viktor a partner yields pretty much the same teary results.

“Viktor, look outside! It’s Mila Babicheva passing by with her dad!” Georgi would say, peeking through a gap in the fence surrounding his backyard. Everyone knew Mila, even magical spirits like Georgi who lived in the middle of a forest, for her beauty was truly legendary. “Quick, run out before it’s too late!”

“Not interested,” Viktor would singsong, from his half-reclined position on Georgi’s favourite frond in the middle of the swamp, where he is playing his violin and sipping cranberry juice. “Be a lamb and refill the juice for me, won’t you?”

  “Viktor, an exquisite looking young man’s sleeping underneath the toadstool outside with his equally exquisite husky! Didn’t you say that you like dogs?”

“Only fat, woolly ones, Georgi! Try harder!”

  “Viktor, look at that beautiful golden-haired sexy beast of a man who’s drowning in the swamp! Naked. Totally naked. You have to save him!”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Georgi, it’s low tide today. The water level’s barely at my ankles.”

  Georgi’s almost resigned to living the rest of his life in Viktor’s company. At this point, because there is clearly no god, Georgi’s pretty sure that he’s the one being punished.

This goes on until Viktor comes running into the cottage one day in the midst of Georgi’s baking session, butt-naked and dripping wet.

“Georgi, Georgi, I found the man of my dreams,” Viktor breathes.

“What the hell are you doing here, get out of the house and get together with him!” Georgi orders shrilly, dropping the spatula in his hands in favour of jabbing a finger towards the general direction of the door. “Do so at once!”

To his horror, Viktor burst into tears.

“I tried to,” Viktor says. “I was soaking in one of the hot springs outside and I saw – I saw this gorgeous man, playing his flute to woodland creatures and – and he’s so perfect, Georgi, so perfect – and I just – I didn’t think – and I ran out of the water and started to chase after him.”

“You… chased after him,” Georgi says faintly, after a moment of silence. “Naked.”

“He ran away from me,” Viktor wails, as if that he hadn’t expected that to be the logical conclusion of the story. “I will never find true love again. Never." He trudges into his bedroom – his bedroom, in Georgi’s house – and leaves a trail of sad-looking muddy footprints on the floor. Within a few minutes, the house is filled with the sound of weepy violin music.

And people think Georgi is dramatic. Georgi lets out a long-suffering sigh, and goes to take the mop from underneath the kitchen sink. 

  In order to ensure that Viktor succeeds in wooing the mysterious flute man, Georgi decides to tap on his witchcraft to gather information about him. Know thy enemy, and so on.

The man’s name is Katsuki Yuuri. He’s the ex-apprentice of one of the most famous musicians in the country, Celestino. He wanders into the forest every other day of the week and plays some sad drippy flute music to woodland creatures, for reasons that largely elude Georgi. He’s soft-spoken, owns a pet dog , and has the sort of fashion sense that makes Georgi wants to scream in pain and anguish.

The woodlands creatures adore him.

Most humans don’t make it out of magical forests alive; Yuuri wanders in and out of the place, blissfully ignorant of the fact, like it’s his own backyard.

Viktor, traumatised from his disastrous encounter with Yuuri, has taken to pining after Yuuri from afar instead.

“I mean, it’s not pathetic at all,” Georgi says in a monotone, because romance is dead. Romance is dead because Viktor Nikiforov killed it. “You’ve only been pining after him for six months.”

“Oh, shut up,” Viktor snaps from his hiding place behind a large magical toadstool.

Katsuki Yuuri is sitting serenely by the river bank, playing his flute. Clearly, Viktor is not the only besotted creature here – as he sits down, the sunflowers within a ten metre radius immediately unfurl to full bloom and turn to face him, basking him in a faint, yellow, ethereal glow. A baby owlet descends shyly upon Yuuri’s shoulders, and is soon joined by what seems to be its entire extended furry family. Two grizzly bears are perched docilely on a large tree trunk, curled up snugly together and pretty as a picture, as if they hadn’t been trying to claw each other’s eyes out fighting over a small rodent just moments ago.

Viktor remains immobile behind the toadstool for the next hour, and then visibly wilts as Yuuri packs up and disappears into the forest.

“Definitely not pathetic,” Georgi repeats himself. The whole pining-after-someone-from-afar routine had been fine when he was the one doing it; Georgi mopes tastefully. Very tastefully. Viktor’s sickening moping, on the other hand, just involves a lot of snivelling, hiding behind toadstools, and binge-eating on pies.

The foolish man is self-deluded enough to insist, “our child will be beautiful and adorable and musical.”

“And imaginary,” Georgi murmurs darkly. Time to take matters into his own hands; he will get hold of Viktor’s firstborn.

  The next time Yuuri comes to the forest, Georgi strikes. He summons a gust of wind that lifts Yuuri up from his place beside the river bank, above a few magnolia bushes, across a large willow tree – almost snaring the boy’s pants in the branches in the process – and dumps him in the middle of Georgi’s swamp.

In the middle of Georgi’s swamp where, conveniently, Viktor is practicing his morning yoga on his frond (fully clothed; Georgi had made sure of that before carrying out his evil ploy.)

Viktor turns his head towards the source of the noise in alarm, and visibly pales to realise that it’s Yuuri.

“Go get him,” Georgi whispers furiously under his breath, crouched behind his window in the cottage. He’s not proud of his hare-brained ploy, he really isn’t, but because the alternative is spending the rest of eternity with Viktor Nikiforov, Georgi can’t even bring himself to feel ashamed.

Georgi watches as Viktor gets over his shock and tries, valiantly, to manoeuvre his frond towards Yuuri’s general direction. He makes it about three yards before wobbling dangerously and then promptly falls off the leaf into the swamp.

Georgi is left to gape in horror as the next sequence of events unfolds in slow motion.

Katsuki Yuuri freezes for a moment, before he gathers himself and starts to swim – no, bulldoze – towards Viktor with a few strong strokes, just in time to catch the other man who, overcome by shock, has fainted, face-down, into the muddy waters. He wraps one (beautiful, toned) arm around Viktor and, with the remaining (beautiful, toned) arm, paddles his way to shore within five seconds, with the strength and grace of a motherfucking mermaid.

“Please wake up, wake up!” Georgi hears Yuuri say as he shakes Viktor’s shoulders. Viktor coughs, makes a revolting choked sound reminiscent of a badly constipated troll, and falls limply back onto the ground.

Georgi runs towards the two men and barely makes it in time to watch, agog, as Yuuri takes a deep breath, shuts his eye, and kisses Viktor.

A few unbearable seconds pass as Viktor lets out another series of cough and opens his eyes.

“Am I dead?” Viktor murmurs, peering at Yuuri through his long, long lashes. “Is this why you’re here?”

“It’s okay.” Yuuri lets out a shaky laugh. “You’re okay now.”

Georgi doesn’t cry, but it’s a near thing.

  As it turns out, Viktor’s disappearance had triggered off a nation-wide search for their beloved crown prince, who, as rumour had it, seemed to have vanished overnight into the enchanted forest. The reason why Yuuri had taken to venturing into the woods to play his instrument was, in fact, an attempt at seeking Viktor out, as if the latter were some shy, fragile woodland creature to be lured out with sad drippy flute music.

“But you ran away from me,” Viktor says, because he is incapable of getting over the insult. “That time, when I met you at the hot spring.”

Yuuri looks at Viktor in a way that makes his opinion of dubious men who leap out of hot springs to chase after unsuspecting strangers, while being naked, abundantly clear.

“Fine, fine, fair enough,” Viktor concedes. “What did the king promise for my return?”

"Five hundred thousand pounds and a lifetime supply of pork cutlet bowls. But," Yuuri blushes deeply, “that’s not why I’m here, though!”

“Oh, Yuuri –”

“I’ve always,” Yuuri says, blushes even deeper, and looks down demurely at his clenched fist. “Ever since I was a kid – when I saw you play the violin at the royal wedding –”

Viktor takes Yuuri’s hands into his own. “I’m glad you found me, in the end.”

“Yes, yes, very touching,” Georgi interrupts. “Now, Viktor, if you’d remember your promise to me –”

Viktor lets out a soft sigh. “But I can’t go back to the country. The king will just try to marry me off again.”

“We could stay here, in the woods, together,” Yuuri exhales. “Forever.”

Wait, what?

“You’re right,” Viktor gushes. “I like it here. And the cottage is big enough for one more person.”

“No,” Georgi whispers faintly. “No, no it isn’t –”

“That’s it, then,” Yuuri says with a watery smile, completely oblivious as to the way Georgi is clutching onto the tabletop to prevent himself from passing out. “I still can’t believe this is happening.”

“And when we have children,” Viktor says, eyes sparkling with pure unadulterated joy, “Georgi can be the godfather and the nanny.”

Georgi finally passes out. 

    bonus:

 because georgi's life is one cosmic joke, their firstborn turns out to be yuri fucking plisetsky, which further cements georgi's belief that his life is one doomed to eternal hell. despite all appearances, however, yuri is actually fond of godpa georgi and conveys this by spending a large part of his infancy flinging his booger at him. at the age of three, influenced by his parents' musicality, yuri also picks up a musical instrument; yuri chooses neither the violin nor the flute, and settles for a banjo instead, just to be fucking contrary. they hold regular concerts for the woodland creatures, where georgi acts as the emcee. 

[topazshadowwolf]

The Door (chapter 7)

An Undertale Fanfiction by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale is owned by: Toby Fox Setting: Post neutral run when Papyrus dies with chapter intros being before the child fell. Relationships: Sans and Toriel is the main focus, with a little bit of Undyne and Alphys Rating: I’m thinking Teen? Heads up: There is some depressed thoughts, feelings of worthlessness/wanting to die, mention of major character death, and the occasional bad word. Oh, and flowey being flowey, so you know, psychological/physical trauma. I really don’t want to say much more since I really don’t want to spoil anything further down the road…

You can read it on AO3! Here is  Ch 6 Ch 5 Ch 4 Ch 3, Ch 2, and Ch 1 on Tumbler.

Random thoughts from the writer about this chapter: I know I shouldn’t feel like I need to apologize for this, but sorry it took so long to get this one out. It was a pain to rewrite. I know the next one has some rewriting that needs to be done, but for the most part, it just needs edited. January I will be relaxing a bit, so next update should be in February.

The Door

Chapter 7: A spark of truth

“did you hear about the chloride ion?” Sans asked the lady behind the door. Tonight’s joke telling has be rather one sided. So far she has skipped each of her turns, and her laughing was lacking the usual cheer. It didn’t take much to tell she was feeling down.

“No, I don’t believe I have,” her reply was soft and pleasant. She was trying to sound happy. Trying was the key word.

“since meeting the sodium ion, its outlook on life hasn’t been so negative, though the couple together can be rather salty, if you ask me,” she laughed at his punch line. If the laugh were to be described in one word, it would be flat.

Try as he might, the jokes weren’t working. He sighed before leaning back against the door. It seemed like now was a good time to end the joking and get to talking. “i think my favorite law is newton’s law of motion. ya know, the ‘an object in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by another force.’ same for a body at rest staying at rest, unless forcibly awoken by a younger brother.” She laughed, still, it sounded forced. “which i suppose it a good thing. if i rest too deeply i may end up depressed. which is how you sound right now, lady.”

There was silence from the other side of the door. He considered saying something to encourage a response, but instead he let her have the time she needed. Generally, when he was feeling down, he didn’t appreciate anyone trying to rush him. When she finally did respond, he could hear a slight quiver in her voice, which tore at his soul.  

“I was thinking of some people I once knew.”

“did you lose touch with them?” He asked, hoping for a hint on how to help.

“They’re dead,” her tone was surprisingly cold.

“geez, lady, i’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it wasn’t you who killed them,” she said with a bitter tone.

Sans hesitated, that wasn’t a word he expected to hear, “killed?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be burdening you with this. I’ll have a joke ready soon, if you don’t mind going again,” she said.

“no offence, but kinda hard to tell jokes with such flat laughs in response.”

He heard a giggle from the other side of the door, “this coming from the guy who was telling jokes to a door?” To that he had no response and she laughed a little, “ I’m sorry my friend. Had you not done that we wouldn’t have met.”

“it’s ok,” he shrugged, “so, uh, about those people you knew…”

“If I talk about it, I may end up asking for something I shouldn’t,” the lady sighed.

“and? besides, if you don’t talk about it, it will continue to weigh on you.”

There was silence as she thought. Sans waited patiently, hoping this was a sign that she was considering telling him. Finally, when she was ready, she replied, “I was thinking about the human children I have met and grown to love. Only to see them leave and…”

She didn’t need to finish that, he already knew what happened to those kids. They travel through the underground, meet and faced many monsters, and made their way to old King Fluffybuns only to die. And of course, now that he was forced to actually think about it, she met each one of those human children. After all, their journey started through the place she lives.

“geez, lady, sorry i never thought about that before,” he said. He rubbed his face and sighed, wondering how in the world he could help her with that.

“It’s alright. It has been a long time since a human has fallen underground. I’m sure most monsters don’t even fully know what a human looks like anymore. With luck, no more humans will fall down only to die.”

Sans thought about that for a moment then looked behind himself and at the door. “even if we are just one soul away from being free?” he asked.

“HA!” he almost jumped, “please, Asgore only needed one soul to pass through the barrier, and he could have waited till the child grew old and died. Humans made the barrier with their magic, they can take it down. Had he acted in a diplomatic manner, and with courage, we would be free. But, instead he hides like a coward and kills those who can hardly fight back. He has hesitated for so long, that even if he did absorb a soul, and cross over, no human would know what we are and would lash out and kill him like…”

That didn’t need to be finished either. The death of Prince Asriel had hit every monster in the underground hard. It didn’t help that the adopted sibling of the royal family, Chara, died just before him. Two tragic deaths had striped what hope monster kind had for freedom away. Add in the fact that the queen had disappeared shortly after, and monster kind was at a loss.

“I’m sorry,” she was crying now.

“no, it’s alright, don’t apologize. what you said makes sense. all Asgore is really offering is a long, drawn out, sense of hope,” Sans closed his eye sockets. Hearing himself say that put a damper on his already bleak view. Though, it was always something he believed, said aloud made it feel true. Small things he had seen and heard caused him to wondered if Asgore would even take the last soul. Or would he let himself die so the human could cross the barrier. He had thought about that and made plans to make sure that didn’t happen.

“Can I ask something of you?” the lady said, she sounded hesitant.

“sure,” Sans replied, hoping for anything that might bring her some relief.

“I… I know you are a sentry but… if a human ever walks through this door... will you please promise me that you will watch over them? Protect them?”

Sans closed his eye sockets and sighed. What could he say? Sans was planning on cheating the system. Catch the human unaware and grab their soul before they could kill the king or mess with the timeline. He saw the data. He had no intent on risking the chance of a human ending everything. Even if his brother hated him for it.

Now what?

Those potential outcomes weren't defiant. There was a chance of only a few, all, or even just one occurring. Does he make the promise and put all his efforts in getting the human to pick a good path? Or should he tell the lady he can’t and continue as planned.

One way sounded easier. And he was already used to the world resetting, which the the human might do. In fact, they most likely would, considering the data. It sounded like he would need to focus on the end-of-everything path if he did make the promise. If they destroy everything then the world would be destroyed and there will be no more resets to bring it back. The human would most likely have a really high Level Of Violence by then, one that would make his magic deadlier. The more he thought about it the more he was liking this option better.

Besides, she was his friend, and a fellow lover of corny jokes and puns. If the well being of some unknown human meant so much to her, then how could he turn her away.

“i’ll be honest, i hate making promises. but, sure, i promise.”

  “want to go to grillby’s tonight?” Sans asked. He had woken up from the nap, and again faced with the problem of how to tell Tori about Papyrus. The only idea he could come up with was over dinner, and with someone who will make sure he doesn’t back out.

They were still cuddled together on the sofa, with her left arm around him and his skull on her shoulder. At some point she had covered him and part of herself with the blanket she had made him. As to when he wasn’t sure considering how soundly he slept. Not that it mattered, all he knew is right now he was feeling cozy, and wished it was possible for him to stay this way forever.

Toriel looked over at him. She had her reading glasses on, her right paw holding the book she was currently reading. Granted, she could make anything look good, but those glasses were just adorable on her.

“Sans, I can’t, I’m banished,” she said as he struggled not to grin up at her like a love sick idiot.

“don’t worry about it. besides, Grillby said he’d like for you to visit sometime after close. i just have to let him know so he can prepare. plus, with my shortcuts i can get us there unseen.” He hoped that would set her mind at ease.

She was quiet, contemplating. “I am not fond of breaking rules like that. But if it is something you really want, I’ll make an exception this once. Just to Grillby’s and back,” a gentle smile appeared on her face as she leaned her head forward and nuzzled the top of his skull.

If he wasn’t blushing before he was now. Sans couldn’t help but rattle, even though he still doubted if he had the right to be happy. In an attempt to regain control of his emotions, he cleared his nonexistent throat and started to sit up. “i should, uh, go tell grillbz.”

Toriel placed her bookmark and sat up as well. She wrapped her arms around Sans in a tight hug while pulling him onto her lap. It felt warm and safe here, as if nothing bad could happen.

“I’m happy you’re feeling better, please don’t be long,” she whispered.

Anytime he has left to exchange books, or run some errands, she says that. And he does try to be quick. She seems to become anxious when he leaves the ruins. It makes sense, really. After all, she watched six children leave her safety only to die.

Which is why he hasn’t told her how things are outside of the ruins. The last thing she needs is more reason to worry when he leaves…

He goes to his room and gets dressed to go. With a deep breath he focused, staring passed the world as it visually existed and looking into the very code. He had been to Grillby’s so many times through short cuts it wasn’t hard to locate. He just stepped forward, moving from one area of code to another. The usual crowd greeted him, Drunk Bunny calling him by that nickname she made, “Come have drink with me, Sansy~”

“sorry, i seem to have lost my watch since i don’t have the time,” That got everyone laughing.

“You can borrow mine,” One of the locals spoke up, holding up a watch that they had carelessly allowed to get covered with bits of food and ketchup. Though he wasn’t watching them, maybe they knew his liking for the condiment and added the ketchup to entice him.

“looks pretty good, though i’m not sure you want me to use it or eat it? i’d think eating it would be very time consuming,” another roar of laughs around the restaurant. He laughed then walked to his favorite stool. Grillby seemed pleased to see him, “i need to talk to you, alone would be best.”

Grillby sighed, or, more accurately, moved as if he sighed, “.......now is not a good time…. But fine….” He gestured for Sans to follow him and they walked into the back of the bar and grill. It was nice back here. There were pictures of Grillby’s daughter on the wall, along with other bits and doodads from the fire elementals past, “....So….. Sans…. What is so important that you needed to drag me away from my bar….”

“grillby, i’ve got to tell her about pap, i….,” Sans rubbed his head, “you were right, i should've just told her from the start, save myself this headache and stress. But then...”

“...You’re in love…,” Grillby said plainly, “........ you didn’t want to upset her…..”

Sans sighed, “and i thought i was good at reading people.”

“…….It was obvious……….You told me how much you loved her laugh…… her jokes and personality…… Her voice….. It was only a matter a time before you fell in love with her completely……. And I’m sure that was pretty much right away…… Considering how you were when you left………. So, may I ask………. why the sudden need to tell her now?….. You’ve put it off this long…..”

“it’s… you don’t need the details, i guess,” he tried to think how how to best to explain why.

“Give me the details, Sans…”

  Returning to the ruins was easier said than done. The magic barrier that Tori placed on the door makes it hard to see the code from the outside in. So normally he takes a shortcut to just on the other side of the door. Now that he has been in that room, it is a space he knows well enough to get to, even with the haze the magic barrier causes.

Sans has wondered if his ability to pass through has little to do with his own knowledge of the code on the other side, and more to do with Tori. After all, the magic barrier is made to keep others out. From what he knows of it, in theory, even he shouldn’t be able to pass through it; unless, since it is her magic, she allows him.

Once in, looking for where he wants to go is no longer like searching through fog. Free to move around, he took a shortcut to the top of the stairs. “i’m back,” he called out as loud as his voice would permit.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Tori called back.

He walked to the kitchen and looked in, “he said it was good, but he suggests we wait till after 11:30 tonight. you ok waiting that long?”

She turned and nodded, “we haven’t had lunch yet and it is getting late, so if we eat now it will work.”

There was flour on her apron, and the smell of a pie baking. The day was now starting to flow like normal. They ate lunch, set the pie to cool, before going on their walk. It was mostly in silence, and Sans was happy for that. Tori set the the topics of conversation the few times they did chat. At some point they started holding hands. He had no idea when it started, he simply noticed his hand was in hers, fingers entwined. It was a nice, reassuring feeling.

As they neared the place where the bed of flowers the humans fall on is located, she said, “this is where I found the child, did I tell you that before?”

“nope, don’t believe you have,” he said.

“They were being attacked by a some horrible flower.”

Sans felt a chill in his soul and he looked at Tori, “what?”

Details from his nightmares and memories of what his brother had said about a talking flower filtered their way back to the top of his mind. He could hear Tori talking but only the confirmation of what he thought he heard sunk in. All the details of her story were swept away as his mind hurriedly reassembled the information that was scrambled by loads and resets.

At this point he was following Tori, and was so lost in thought he didn’t noticed they had entered the last room. That is, until he saw the bed of yellow flowers. He had seen it plenty of times before, but not like this. Each and every flower had a face, some simple or with fangs, some twisted and distorted. And that laugh. For someone who loves hearing the laughter of others, that was one he loathed.

“Sans?” Tori was kneeling in front of him, the look of concern on her face was heart-wrenching.

He had drifted so deeply into his mind, ensnared by the living nightmare it made, that he hadn’t moved from the spot he was in when he saw the flower bed. Looking now, he saw that the flowers were as they always were. Faceless, normal, harmless, ugly yellow flowers. Feeling his eye sockets were without lights, he looked back at Tori as he lit them.

“What’s wrong?” Toriel asked.

“i, uh,” Sans shrugged, “guess i just got lost in thought right then. thinking about that flower.”

She put her paws on either side of his face, brows furrowed, “Sans, you looked scared.”

“i’m fine now, tori,” he tried again to get her to relax, she seemed ready to say more when he added, “really, tori, i’m fine. i’m just going to wait in the other room… alright?” He couldn’t help but glance at the flowers. By tomorrow he should be able to stand near them again, but right now he didn’t want to be anywhere near them.

With a resigned sigh, Toriel relented and let him go, “alright. I won’t take long.”

“no need to rush, take your time,” Sans grinned before walking back into the previous room. Once there he leaned back against the wall and thought.

  It was because Sans was unsure how well he could take Toriel out of her barrier, via shortcut, that they walked out the door. He doubted it would have any effect, but wasn’t willing to run the risk. She, honestly, agreed.

It had been a while since she was on this side of the door. The last time she was here it was a tearful moment. She remembered walking up and seeing Sans standing there, asleep. It was sweet of him to wait for her here. A place that means so much to them. And the feeling of joy she felt, as he asked to join her, was so overwhelming that she couldn’t help but break down in tears. Thinking of it now even caused her eyes to water.

The bitter cold of the air bit at her snout where her fur was thin, and even stung her lungs upon inhalation. By softly flaring the magic within herself, she was able to use the warmth of it to fend off the cold. A part of her wanted to ask Sans how he could tolerate sitting out for as long as they met each night. Though she already knew the answer.

It was dark, but then the forest was always dark and had an eerie demeanor. Even though there are lights, powered by The Core, to simulate a day and night cycle, they didn’t reach this far into the forest. Yet, knowing her friend, her love, had spent countless hours here, telling her jokes, made the forest seem more like home. She didn’t need a false sun to feel at peace.

She had nothing against the creator of those lights. That monster had only attempted to simulate the sun to provide visibility and help monsters adjust. But, to those who have lived under the warm solar rays, it was felt like a cheap knock off.

She glanced at Sans. His whole life was under that artificial light, and she remembered him talking about wanting to see the stars. Knowing that caused a pang in soul. As much as she was willing to remain underground, to avoid killing humans, it seemed wrong to deny others from the sky. But it is also wrong to kill. There had to be other solutions.

“ready?” He asked. Sans held out a hand to her. “just a short walk to grillby’s.”

“If it is as chill of a place you say it is, then I am more than ready,” she said without hesitation as she took his offered hand. With that she started to walk with him and, sure enough, after a few steps they were in an alley.

There didn’t seem to be anyone around, but Sans was being cautious. He looked around the corner to the front of the building and sighed. Toriel heard him mutter to himself before she looked. The town was mostly quiet, save for one person standing outside of the very building they wanted to go in. It was a rabbit monster, and she was staring at the door with a befuddled look.

“ok, here is what i’m thinking,” Sans said, glancing up at Toriel, “grillbz must be in the kitchen, otherwise i’m sure he would’ve noticed bunny. there is a door around back...”

Quietly, the two made their way through the alley to the back door. Sans knocked and it wasn’t long before the door opened and a living flame was looking out at them. Toriel smiled, realizing she recognized this fire elemental.

She saw the confusion on Grillby’s face and Sans said, “heya, bunny’s around front.” Grillby’s shoulders drooped and he raised a hand to rub his head, as if he had a headache. Sans shrugged, “no worries, i got it.”

As Sans moved back into the alley, Grillby invited Toriel into the back of the restaurant. They made their way, to the front, and waited by the door that separated the elemental’s private space from the dinner. From where they stood, Toriel’s could hear some of what was being said out front.

“Sansy~! You finally come to have a drink?” There was a pause, hinting Sans was responding but his normal quiet tone didn’t carry like Bunny’s. Whatever he said she responded with, “seems to be locked.”

As the conversation outside continued, Grillby finally spoke. His own voice was quiet, even more than Sans’s, “...............Sorry about this………… Do you want something to drink?”

Since they can hear Bunny, Toriel didn’t want to risk being heard and shook her head before responding in a hushed tone, “not right now, thank you.”

“Hey, Sansy, can you tell me a joke?” Bunny said brightly, and Toriel strained to listen, wanting to hear the joke as well.

“Who’s there?”

Toriel sighed, wishing she could hear him.

“Icy who?”

Considering the response, she was sure she knew this one. He had told it to her once at the door. If it is the one she thinks it is the punchline is, “Icy you later.” A good, classic, joke; but without hearing him give it, the humor felt lost. And apparently it was lost on Bunny as she responded with, “I don’t get it.”

If there was any consolation to missing him say the joke, she could hear him laughing, though it was muffled. That sound made her smile, as it almost reminded her of listening to him through the door.

“Sansy, can you walk me home…,” Bunny continued and Toriel saw Grillby removing his glasses to palm his face properly.

The sight was rather funny to her, really, though Bunny was getting on her nerves as well. She was going to offer some words to help him relax about it when she finally heard Sans. He was close enough to the front door that he could heard. If he was feeling annoyed, Sans’s tone didn’t reflect it. Instead he spoke to Bunny with his usual, calm, and ever patient tone, “sure, let’s go.”

As their footsteps faded out, Grillby moved from the back first, double checking that he had closed his blinds, “............... again, I am sorry………………. I was running late closing up and still thought I had time to clean………………………. Had I known she was there I would of done that myself……………………..”

“It’s alright,” Toriel said, walking out and started undoing the clasp that held her cloak on, “thank you for staying open late for us.”

“........... My pleasure………… Lady Toriel,” Grillby said as he walked over and offered to take her cloak for her.

“Toriel is fine. You are one of my friends as well,” she smiled. Then, thoughtfully she added, “I should've known it was you. I just never thought you would choose to live in Snowdin. When I last saw you, you had a restaurant in Hotlands, what happened?”

“......... After Asgore declared war again……… living in Hotlands, among all the lava and fire……….. Just brought back bad memories……….” Grillby said.

Toriel sighed, “I’m sorry, I failed to get him to see sense.”

“............ it is not your fault……… besides…………. I learned I like it here………,” Grillby moved a chair for her to sit on.

“Thank you,” she smiled and sat down, “about the name, did someone give it to you?”

“.......... I gave it to myself………,” he said, “.......... I don’t intend on ever accepting names from anyone else…………”

She nodded, understanding fully that for an elemental, having a name usually means serving a summoner. The fact Grillby named himself means that he is declaring freedom. “How long have you known Sans?”

Grillby paused and looked away, “........... That……… is a hard to answer question…………..”

Toriel frowned and tilted her head, “I don’t understand, how it could be hard to answer?”

“........... I’m guessing Sans hasn’t told you much………..,”

“No, he hasn’t,” Toriel sighed, “but considering tonight, I truly think he is trying.”

“............ I am in a unique position when it comes to my patrons…………….. They come, drink, and talk………….. I try not to pry into their lives……… but when they are trouble I do what I can to help………..,” Grillby looked at her, “............ Sans is no different………… he speaks more freely when ‘tipsy,’ though, he still is hard to get information from…………..”

Something about the way he said that made Toriel frown, “You’re not suggesting I get him inebriated just to make him talk.”

“.................. I don’t believe I was………. Just stating an observation……….,” Grillby brought a bar stool over and sat down.

“And what about you,” Toriel watched him, feeling suspicious, “you never specifically got him ‘tipsy’ to get information, did you?”

“.........of course not……….”

A feeling of relief overcame her, and she smiled, “good.”

She was going to say more when Grillby say, “I made sure he was completely drunk first………..”

The wave of relief was replaced with anger and she quickly stood, slamming her paws down on the table, “How dare you do something like that!”

“.......... I respect you, Queen Toriel…………. But I have my reasons………”

“He trusts you, and that’s what you did with that trust?” She snarled, “What reason could you possibly have?”

Grillby moved his shoulders as if he was sighing, “................ As you may remember………… during the war I was responsible for information……………. I remember everything from then and earlier…………. I could recite conversations I had with my first summoner, even……………… word for word………… and yet I have forgotten something………….”

She folded her arms, “and?”

“..................... I still don’t remember what I’ve forgotten…………. But I know about what I forgot thanks to the information I stole from Sans……………… he wasn’t about to give it…………. And he aware of what I did afterwards……………...also he would never forgive me if I got it from Papyrus…………….”

A part of Toriel was annoyed at how casually Grillby was talking about this, “And, you thought it was alright to do that?”

Grillby looked at her, “................. no………. but he unknowingly hinted he knew what I had forgotten………….. Then withheld when I asked……………….”

“If you knew it was wrong to do, then why the hell did you do it? This isn’t the war, you know you can’t be doing that!”

“............... isn’t it? ………. Undyne has revitalized the war effort………….”

“That is now,” Toriel growled.

“....... the king had declared war…..”

“Against humans, not each other!”

“............. Sans sure acts like he’s been through war .........”

A twinge of guilt ran through Toriel. Grillby was right with that assessment. There were some things, behaviors, Sans has displayed that were just like the veterans after the war. She saw them, recognize them, but didn’t put the information together because it didn’t make sense. Sans said he had been underground his whole life; he wasn’t alive during the war.

“................. I had forgotten something………………… which had tampered with my memories………………… even some about the war……………….. And important things…….. which he had an answer for……………. ”

She thought on that, understanding his reasoning. But still, Sans didn’t deserve to be treated in such a manner. “What could’ve been so important to do something like that?” She snapped.

Grillby was silent, save for a few pops and cracks of his flames, he shook his head, “..........You tell me……………. we all forgot…………………..”

Toriel glared at Grillby as she thought about that, “What do you mean, we? What did we forget?”

The fire elemental looked away, “.............. just because I stole it………….. doesn’t mean it is mine to give………………”

Elementals. They are technically monsters, and ones like Grillby are almost on par with boss monsters. But they are infuriating to work with. She was about to say more when she noticed Grillby was no longer looking at her, but past her.

“uh, am i interrupting something?” She looked back to see Sans as he started to shuffle forward, “haven’t heard grillby popping like that since the jukebox broke.”

The fire element made another cracking noise before shaking his head, “................. which was your fault…………….”

“Normally I’d try arguing that it wasn’t me, but I’m thinking now isn’t the time for that…,” Sans said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I mean, it wasn’t me who threw it across the bar. All I did was pay for a song.”

“........................ same one, over and over again…………….. In a row……………, “ Grillby folded his arms. Despite the disapproval in his demeanor, there was a humor in his tone.

Toriel couldn’t help but snort as she tried not to laugh. And, like that, the hostility in the room had died down. She thought for a moment, then grinned, “By the way, what was that she kept calling you?”

“you heard that?” Sans asked, and she could see a slight hint of a blush on his face.

“It’s rather cute, Sansy~” She tried to mimic the near singing way Bunny had said it.

“tori, please, don’t,” Sans said. Toriel heard a gentle crackling noise from Grillby, different than the sharper sounds he made before, followed by Sans sighing, “and you’re laughing.” Sans turned his back to Toriel and Grillby then said in a dramatic manner, “goodbye dignity, our time together was nice, but fleeting.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t call you Sansy again,” Toriel said, waiting for Sans face them again, then added, “for the rest of the evening.”

Grillby shook his head, “...............I’ll get the food ready…………… make yourselves comfortable………...” He then walked into the back as Sans made his way over and sat.

“i, uh…,” Sans started while shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. Toriel noticed that he slide down in his chair a bit and was trying to avoid looking at her. As much as she would like for him to just tell her what was on his mind, she gave him time. It seemed to come natural to him to hide and keep secrets, even at his own detriment. She figured it was to keep from burdening others.

Before Sans could try again, Grillby had already finished cooking and was back with two burgers and fries for them to share. Noticing the skeleton’s behavior, Grillby stood by him and placed a hand on his shoulder. With a sigh, Sans started again, “so… the kiddo,  they…,” Sans leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, “they were all friendly and stuff, y’know?”

“Yes?” Toriel was confused, wondering where this was going. Sans reached into his jacket, pulling out the neatly folded red cloth she noticed the day he moved in with her.

“pap really liked them, and.... they liked my bro… he’d been so nice to them, how could they not like him?” Toriel listened as Sans spoke. There was that unmistakable sadness in his voice and tears were forming in her eye. Fearful what what she was about to hear, she put a paw to her mouth.

“he… wanted to face the human alone. i figured it would be fine. why wouldn’t it be? kid was merciful with everyone they came across. pap was most likely just going to become friends with them anyway. ...but they didn’t show him mercy…”

“That... that doesn’t sound like the child I knew,” Toriel frowned, watching Sans.

Grillby nudged Sans who finally shrugged, “i thought, maybe it was an accident, that they didn’t mean to kill him. but, uh…. they did mean to…”

“Are you sure?”

“the kid laughed,” Sans finally looking up at Toriel. She saw his eye lights were almost faded out, “the kid laughed when I asked them about it. who laughs about accidentally dusting someone? especially to their brother. tori, i’m sorry, but at that moment i so wanted to break that promise i made.”

The promise, it had been a while now and she had almost forgotten about it. The promise to keep the human child safe. And he kept it, despite the cost, “I-I am so sorry... you must hate me.”

“no! tori,” Sans said, jumping up from his seat, “i don’t hate you, i could never hate you…” Sans sat back down, head in his hands, “it is not your fault, it’s not like you knew what the kid would do. tori, i’m sorry i lied to you about papyrus.” Sans reached into his jacket and pulled out a cell phone. He touched the screen a few times before passing it over, “here, his phone has some pictures of him. at least you can see what he looked like...”

Toriel picked up the phone, looking at the happy face smiling up at her she couldn’t help but smile back. She moved from picture to picture, tearing up as she does, “you described him well. He looks a lot like how I always pictured him.” Toriel then saw some of the random pictures Papyrus had taken. There were pictures of Undyne and various places in the underground, and she was astonished really.

Papyrus, in his kindness, seemed to see something good in everything. Because of that, even the most mundane places he some how captured in a way that showed how extraordinary it really was. And that’s when she saw one of Sans in the Waterfall Caverns, eye lights turned upward to the glowing rocks above. She could see in his eye sockets a contemplative depth. No jokester persona or weighty secrets to be seen in that moment, “He really knew you.” She said quietly, showing the picture to Grillby.

Sans look then sighed, “he has better pictures of Waterfall in there than that.”

Toriel looked up at Sans, “Sans, it is not Waterfall he was taking a picture of.”

And that was it. Any amount of openness he previously showed was changed as he closed himself off. She wondered how Papyrus had dealt with Sans tendency to avoid talking. Toriel thought, and glanced at Grillby who simply nodded. Most likely that means he came to the same conclusion as she did. Be happy with what you got, and try again another night.

“Thank you for telling me…,” Toriel thought on it a moment.

“sorry…,” Sans said, looking at the burger before him, then reached for the ketchup.

“For what?”

With the ketchup in his hand, he stared at the bottle and continued to avoid eye contact, “for not being there to keep the kid out of trouble. i didn’t to keep an eye socket on them, and I looked away when I shouldn’t have.”

“Oh Sans,” That was a heavy burden for him to be carrying that he shouldn’t have to bare. “The child made their own choice. They knew right from wrong, I saw that with my own eyes. I never would've suspected they would do that, and I would have trusted your brother to make friends with them as well. I will say I suspected something. When I talked about the child you tended to become quiet, or try to change the subject.

“And all those times I spoke of the child, or asked you about your brother, must have been hard for you. Oh, Sans, please don’t suffer in silence like that.” she saw Grillby move away, heading to the back to give them privacy.

Sans watched him then looked back the the ketchup bottle; which, he then placed on the table. Finally, Sans looked back up at her, “i just wish i understood why you care about this useless bag of bones.”

She stood and carried her chair over by Sans, who watched her nervously. Sitting down she took his hands in her own and stared him in the eye sockets. “I thought I made myself clear yesterday and this morning,” she started, then smiled and kissed him, “I care about you, alot, and I don’t want to see you in pain. When I see you are hurting, I feel hurt. Because I love you Sans.”

           “i guess i just thought it was too good to be true…,” Sans said, then hugged her.

Toriel hugged him back and took the chance to kiss him again, this time with more meaning behind it than her usual kisses. When she looked at him after that, the look on his face was very amusing. It was an odd mix if giddy, happy and even fear of this new and unknown experience.

Even with how he looked, his voice managed to hold even as he said, “i love you, tori…,” they hugged again and she heard him add quietly, “for longer than i think i even know...”

  Closing Comments: Now the real fun begins~! There will still be sappy fluff, but things that are being ignored are about to step forward,  … I am so happy this chapter is done. I like it but it was a pain.

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