#Anyway if anon is going to subject me to such thoughts I refuse to suffer alone so | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fenristheorem · 3 years

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Lance finding out that Gardienne killed herself? After a while of her being in the HQ again, he has fallen in love with her. She just couldn't bear those seven years, having lost that many people and being here just to save this world by suffering.

He wanted to tell her he loved her, he knocked her door, he worried bc no one answered, and he finds her hanged up.

I know this is really specific, it's just kind of my OC ending😅😅 anyway, I'd understand if you weren't comfortable with this.

So I’m going to talk about the boundaries of what I write for a moment, starting by saying that I will write this BUT I won’t write detailed suicide scenes due to the sensitive nature of it.

This ask isn’t asking for a detailed scene, it’s asking for the effects the decision has on Lance, and because it’s asking for the long-term effects and not a scenario I’m just fine with writing this.

Thank you for asking this, Anon, genuinely. Being this specific was probably what gave me the push to write this in the end because I know you were looking for the reaction and not the actual scene. This is a good example of a post that walks along the lines of what I will and won’t write so anyone requesting future asks with a similar subject gets a better idea of what to ask.

Also, I apologize for how long this took to write. This ask was, unfortunately, the one that spent the most time eaten in my drafts folder so I couldn’t work on it until about a week ago. Fortunately that gave me a lot of time to think over how to best write this, so I think this’ll be appropriately written considering the subject.

*Warning / Note: This post contains heavy depressive themes and suicidal mentions, as evident by the ask and what I wrote above. I’m aware that this is a very sensitive subject and I intend to treat it with appropriate seriousness. This is not a happy post, please only read this if you know this won’t lead you down a dark path. To me, writing is another form of art, meant to express and draw out emotions from the audience, so I won’t subside the intensity of my writing even with this being a sensitive subject. I don’t intend to drive anyone to harm themselves, but I do intend to write with the intensity that I always do because this is my artform; so please prepare for heavy themes or don’t read if you’re not comfortable with this. On a side note: I care about everyone, I really do, so please take care of yourselves. If you’re feeling depressive or suicidal, talk to someone, please. There is always someone who cares about you.

Technically Guardienne's death may have a major adverse effect on Eldarya due to her link with the crystal, but for the sake of this ask I'll ignore any possible effects like that.

~Under the cut~

Lance’s reaction to Guardienne’s suicide:

Lance had seen a lot of terrible things in life and had done many terrible things in his life, but this reached a new type of fucked up for him. Not because it's truly disturbing - although it is deeply disturbing - but because it fucked him up even more in a way that he neither thought could be possible nor that he could bear.

He’s convinced that he’s cursed; everything that’s happened to him has been his fault. He started the war within Eldarya, destroyed so many faeries’ lives, killed his own brother, and now the woman he loved is dead because of him as well. Sure, he wasn’t the one to tie the rope around her neck, but there are signs for these sorts of things. Was he truly that blind that he couldn’t see that she was in pain? Did he ever truly love her if he couldn’t see the pain? Would she have done anything differently if he wasn’t there to constantly remind her of everything that was lost?

Lance believes he deserves this. He’s caused so much pain and agony for everyone, it only makes sense that he should be the one in pain now. Lance won’t try to fight the agony he’s in, he’ll let himself drown in it for nights on end to wake up - or not even sleep to begin with - feeling exhausted, reckless, irritated and - overall - worthless. He’s sure to emerge from his room in the morning without the slightest hint that he’s been sobbing quietly with the feeling of a dagger twisting itself over and over within his chest all night, and he’ll refuse to answer any questions about if he’s alright after the recent events. He was the one to find her after all; it would make sense that he was hit the hardest...

In the daytime he’ll be rough and withholding, keeping the Obsidian guard in a tight hold to reflect how he needs to hold himself tightly to keep from falling apart. It’s one thing for him feel and express emotions, but this feeling is an entirely different thing; this is something that should not be released into Eldarya. He realizes it and knows that this feeling - something that he recognizes all too well from his past - threatens to destroy everything that he worked so hard to gain in the past seven years.

Mathieu will notice Lance’s change in temperament immediately, and being the kind man he is he’ll want to be there for the dragon, but Lance won’t be looking for comfort; he’ll be looking for something that will change the past and take back everything that happened. But that’s impossible - he knows that - and so he’ll be stuck in a state of limbo, deemed to mourn for his unknown, unrealized love until... something happens to change him.

Ice cold fear will wash over him some days as he recognizes the familiar feeling that haunted him in the past, and while he’ll be aching to reach out to lean on someone for support - afraid of this feeling overwhelming him again - he’ll feel that he can’t lean on anyone. He doesn’t deserve that support at this point after all he’s done, and there’s so many others who are busy grieving; the guard needs him to be strong now. However, on occasion - when he has a clear mind - he’ll grieve gently with someone who’s somewhat close to him, sharing kind memories of Guardienne and gently advising them to spend time around friends if his co-worker feels it’s needed. He’ll never completely break in front of anyone though, he can’t bring himself to.

However, Lance falls apart immediately when he’s alone, sometimes even lingering in the conference room for a few minutes after a meeting to allow himself the private time alone to recollect himself. Grief will randomly hit him throughout the day, constricting his throat, burning his chest, and glassing over his eyes - and every time he’ll excuse himself from his company to isolate himself until he regains control again. This, of course, is taken into notice by a few others around the guard, and slowly there’ll be people who realize that Lance is not fine.

This becomes a further issue over time as his grief slowly turns into anger and disgust, and this is when that familiar, ominous feeling from his past really rears it’s ugly face. He should have seen something. Was he really that terrible to her that she felt she couldn’t trust him? Was everyone really that blind to not see her hurting?

Lance finds that he begins to choose to isolate himself, mentally and physically. He’ll leave the guards members alone that have stated they need time off, but he won’t be very forgiving with those who have chosen to continue their work but seem to be slacking. His mentality is that if you can’t handle continuing on, then don’t offer your service as it’ll become a hindrance, and this quickly becomes a major issue.

Huang Hua - knowing how important Guardienne was to Eldarya, and the guard especially - has let it be known that if anyone needs a break from their responsibilities, then it’ll be allowed, but she will stress that those who feel they can continue to function please try to do so, and be lenient and take on a few responsibilities that aren’t usually asked of them if they feel they can. She can read other’s auras and sense intentions and emotions of sorts, so she can generally get a good read on how someone is doing, but she can’t consistently do that with everyone, so while she’ll use this ability when necessary to enforce that someone take a break so they don’t fall apart, not every unstable case is known to her. This is the main reason why she slightly overlooks Lance for a while. When he first found Guardienne, he panicked immediately, rushing her to Ewelein and not even truly believing her death until many days after the event. Huang Hua - having sensed his shock and panic blocking out any other emotions - let it go for a few days; everyone goes through their own grieving process, some immediately and some not until many years afterwards. There was nothing that anyone could do for him until Guardienne’s death hit him fully. However, she also knew from her abilities that Lance was in love with her, or at very least had a deep liking for Guardienne, so the instant a few members of the guard come to her expressing serious concerns regarding Lance’s recent aggression and distance, Huang Hua knows immediately that it needs to be dealt with. This grief was an unknown factor in Lance’s new life - but his past with this type of grief shows clearly that this can really fuck him up - so it needed to be discussed, otherwise he risks spiraling back into the same place he was seven years ago.

She’ll approach him when he’s alone, or if they’re in a relatively public space she’ll take him somewhere private, sensing all the while the breathtakingly painful feeling of agony, anger and distress that’s clouding his mentality. It was just the same as when he was Ashkore, how did he not yet break? He’ll refuse to follow her if he knows she wants to talk about his emotions - ironic since he’s always been open to sharing his perspective and thoughts - so she’ll just tell him that she needs to talk to him in private regarding a few anonymous tips from some guards members if he happens to ask why.

Being alone with an unstable, emotionally distraught dragon with a history of violence while under heavy states of grief does unsettle her a bit, but she knows the outcome of this will be much worse if he truly feels isolated. He’s not going to reach out for help by himself - he doesn’t know how to, nor does he probably want to - so she needs to be the one to reach out to him and help him stabilize himself before another situation like Valkyon’s death occurrs.

She’ll consider first talking alone with him in his room - where he’d likely feel most comfortable - but considering he’d likely be defensive, that could then translate into aggression in his own territory, and that may lead her to being forced out of his room for her own safety. Lance has certainly changed in temperament, but heavy grieving emotions can blind someone, so there’s really no promising that nothing... destructive may happen, no matter how much he’s changed in patience.

She then considers talking with him in the conference room, but there isn’t a whole lot of privacy there. The conference room is more for business, rather than personal, private, emotional conversations. The last thing Lance needed in this moment was for his emotions to be treated even slightly like a business confrontation and not as an important part of his being. Frankly, even on a day where he’s feeling just fine he would never accept anyone’s emotions to be treated like a business issue, so the last thing she wanted was to imply that by bringing him into a room that could do just that.

Huang Hua then thinks over the idea of talking to him in her room; it would likely be safer, after all. He probably won’t become territorial or aggressive as it’s not his territory, and it’ll be a gentle reminder that she’s happy to welcome him into her personal life to help comfort him (therefore defeating the concern that it could seem like a business confrontation), but since it’s her territory he might emotionally shut himself down. It can be uncomfortable to fall apart in someone else’s room, especially knowing they’re higher ranking and could be interrupted at any moment to deal with something else...

Then she wonders if she should bring him outside of the guard to speak with him - somewhere that’s private and on neutral ground. That way they’d both be in strange territory and may not be interrupted, and if they are they’d receive prior warning by noticing that someone was walking their way.

Of course, Huang Hua then realizes that - no matter how much she’d like to think that she understands what would make Lance most comfortable - she truly doesn’t know what would help him best, but she can be there to provide support at very least, regardless of where they are. At the end of the day, Lance would probably know where he’d feel most comfortable, so when she approaches him to talk, saying that it’s an important but private conversation, she’ll ask him where he would rather talk. He’ll be slightly hostile, especially when he picks up on the fact that she’s going out of her way to word things carefully and prioritize his comfort, but he’ll decide to talk somewhere private outside the guard, where no one is around.

And that’s how Huang Hua finds herself in the middle of the open plains, far away from the guard to talk to a dragon who might as well be stabbing himself with his own dagger with how he’s been allowing himself to feel as of late. She’ll start off gently, telling him the recent concerns of a few anonymous guard’s members and Lance will stand a few feet away and listen coldly with a blank expression until she suggests that he take a few days off. He’ll debate things with her then, and it’ll escalate slowly until Lance is clearly distressed but still unmoving in his decision to remain active, and Huang Hua will know then that she can’t be gentle anymore...

“Lance, take a few days off, for your sake.”

“No.” His tone is harsh and cold as he snaps at her. “The guard needs me, there’s so much I need to do - so much I need to repay-” He didn’t mean to let that last statement slip - after all, his actions certainly couldn’t be made up for, right? - but emotions can be a powerful thing, can’t they?

“You won’t be able to do any of that if you’re destroying everything you’ve helped rebuild in the process.” Lance is pacing, keeping his eyes trained to the ground. Huang Hua - despite her anxiousness at the dragon being so stubborn on decisions made under heavy negative emotions - tries to keep a comforting, open atmosphere to avoid furthering any issues. “You know the pain you’ve cast upon on others, you’ve felt that same sort of pain now and you need to take time to be able to recover from that.”

“I can’t take time, it’s not something I can just accept! Everyone I’ve hurt before never had time to accept the situation before I made it worse, but they still pushed forward! There’s no reason for me to have it any easier!”

“And where would we be if we treated you the same way you used to treat the world? Would we be any better than how you used to be?”

Lance stops pacing but his eyes remain on the ground, his throat constricting as his thoughts run rampant. Would they be the same as how he used to be if they allowed him to keep running himself this way? He’s done terrible things, but he’s spent many years trying to keep that from happening again. Certainly he’s an asset to the guard now, so would it be cruel of them to ignore his distress? Or would it be justified payback for everything he’s done?

“Lance, you’ve done wonderful things the past seven years, and we want you to continue that and I know you want to continue that as well. Take some time off so you can do that without destroying yourself or your environment. Don’t ignore your pain like it’s nothing - it’s not nothing, and you have the resources to deal with it in a better way now. Use those resources, Lance, it’ll help you work your way through this.” Huang Hua’s tone is gentle and soft as she pleads with him, hoping that her blunt words will reach his common sense.

He tries to argue this, stuttering the beginning of sentences to try and disprove her point, grasping for any reason as to why his pain is invalid. However, Lance finds that there’s no sound argument against Huang Hua’s words, and constricting panic, horror, and then heavy tides of grief will hit him as he realizes that he is, in fact, dragging himself into his own downfall. He is his own worst enemy, once again.

In any manner, this is all his fault - his past actions, Guardienne’s distress of what’s changed that lead to her death, his emotional isolation, and disruption of the guard is all because he doesn’t know how to deal with himself and his abyss of emotions. How did this happen to him? He was never the type of person to deny and hide away his emotions, so how is it he ended up caging himself like this when under personal grief? Is it because the situation is so personal to him that he has a hard time allowing himself to seek comfort in others who likely couldn’t understand?

Lance will fall apart at this, closing his eyes and turning towards the ground to keep himself together, but falling apart all the same as grief overwhelms him one final time in a push that throws him over the edge. He’ll clench his fist and bow his head, bringing it over his mouth as he desperately tries to steady his breathing, to no avail as tears find their way from his eyes and his chest heaves in quieted sobs.

Huang Hua will lurch forward to comfort him, but stops as Lance whirls around to step back and snap at her - he didn’t want comfort, he wanted her back!

“Where were you for her!? Why didn’t anyone else see her pain!?” His eyes are tragedy and desperation underneath the weakened cold anger of ice blue, a faint few tears streaking down his face as his voice - thunderous and howling - cracks and breaks alongside his crumbling rage. If he couldn’t have fixed this, then someone else could have - why didn’t anyone fix this!?

“You know it’s not morally correct to monitor everyone’s private emotions all the time. What kind of leader would I be if I didn’t allow my people their privacy?” Huang Hua stills and clasps her hands together at her waist, understanding Lance’s outward anger. However, she realized his statement signaled something else as well; Lance could no longer fight why he should allow himself to grieve, so he was desperately clinging onto some semblance of needing to be distant by turning it to be someone’s fault - someone that he could hate. “You are right in a way; of the many people who knew her, someone might have been able to catch how torn up she felt, but people who wish to hide their pain, or spend so long hiding their pain that it becomes a part of who they are, learn how to hide their pain in ways too complex for others to realize. And, Lance, if she didn’t want anyone to know about her grief, there wouldn’t have been much that I could have done anyways.”

“You could have helped her!” The dragon’s voice was weakening as he spoke, distant anger being replaced by a cold, hollow emptiness as he realized the truth in Huang Hua’s words.

“Only if she was ready for that help. You can’t force someone to accept help, you can only wait for them to allow themselves to be helped.”

“She wouldn’t want me to find relief during this time...” He looked away toward the ground and hung his head, blinking rapidly as he began to heave for breath. There must be a reason why he shouldn’t be allowed to feel this way .

“Do you think she would have wanted everything good you did - whether she knows what you did or not - to be destroyed because of your grief for her?” Lance’s eyes squinted closed and he tilted his head a bit further away from the phoenix. It seemed as though every reminder of everything good he’s done continues to leave him with a hollow chest. “I think if she witnessed firsthand everything you’ve done the past seven years she would have thought very differently about you now than what she did when first having woken up from the crystal.”

Lance turns to face his back towards her, resting a palm on his forehead before brushing his fingers back through his hair as a tremble rolls through him. He could feel pressure rising from his throat as he bared his teeth in an agonized snarl before parting his mouth to silently gasp for air. His head tilted back to look at the sky, only for a few tears to fall from his eyes when he releases a shaky breath.

“Lance, your situation with her was very unique - no one else could begin to understand exactly what you’re feeling from your history with her. Take some time so you can understand it - and fix, or do, or feel whatever you need to - so you can carry forward knowing yourself better.”

He wanted to fight her statement, but his moral compass argued with his resistance on this as well. If anything, of whatever terrible things came as a result of her death, there should be some good sought from it as well. What’s the point of accepting a tragedy if not to learn something from it as well, even if it’s something quiet that no one else knows you learned?

For the first time in a long while - if not ever - Lance allows himself to break and be comforted. He lets himself embrace the burning, stinging pain that rises in his chest as he turns his head back to the ground and collapses on his knees. Huang Hua immediately reacts and is by his side in moments, on her knees and laying a gentle hand on his shoulder as she leans against him slightly. Sobs escape his throat as his body tenses and curls forward slightly, bracing a hand on the ground to steady himself as tremulous waves of emotions - any and all emotions that could possibly be named - wash over him and leave him gasping for air.

“I miss her, too.” Huang Hua’s voice shakes now as she leans further against the dragon, bringing her arms as far around him as she can while her head rests against his shoulder, away from the spines on his pauldrons. Lance brings his other hand up and tightly grasps the forearm reaching across his chest.

Huang Hua had spent so much time trying to help others through this that she had completely forgotten to make sure she was alright as well, and seeing Lance - the man she least expected to be torn apart by this situation - completely break and fall apart before her eyes reminded her of the true depth of their loss. They didn’t just lose Eldarya’s savior, they had lost a friend, a great warrior, one of the last angels, someone who was pure at heart and wasn’t afraid to face the darkness of life without so much as a blink of hesitation. They had lost someone who gave everything for the world, and suffered because of it.

Minutes merged until they were unsure of how long they spent in the fields, but in time both of them calmed down. Lance - now able to think clearer on the subject - began to reflect on the situation.

“This wasn’t her fault... the blame is on all of us, for not having seen anything... but she must have known that someone would have been there for her if they knew how much she was hurting...” He murmured this quietly, waves of shame washing over him again as he realized he was perhaps pinning some of the blame on Guardienne. Was there really anyone to blame here? She must have known that someone would have been there for her if she sought help, but it’s not right for others to pry into the personal life of another if the intrusion is unwelcomed, and who was to say she wanted help in the first place? Had she given up? Would anyone have been able to stop her to begin with? Who was to blame, if there was anyone?

“There’s nothing we can do now except honor her and move forward.” Huang Hua whispered back with a shaky voice and Lance faintly nodded his head. There were many things that worked together to lead to this happening, and in between there also were moments where something could have helped deter it, both by her doing and by others. At the root core, everyone and anyone could have helped stop this in some way, even if it was by giving her a small passing smile that could have helped remind her that there is good and hope in the world, but there’s also no guarantee that anyone could have stopped it. Regardless, this is how things happened. They can’t change the past, but they can move forward with her in mind and learn from this.

Lance - despite his heavy grief and complex emotions on everything - begins to soften himself to the situation. He’s not the only one grieving. His situation may have been the most complicated, but he’s still in the same boat as everyone else. He doesn’t feel the need to sob alongside the others anymore, but he does find that whenever the group he’s in begins to fall apart into wailing, he’ll bow his head and won’t hide the obvious pain that he’s in at the reminder of his lost love. His feelings for Guardienne will be kept quiet, and he won’t openly say how he felt about her - it could still be seen as wrong in the opinion of some people for him to have fallen in love with the same woman he hurt so much, especially knowing her pain is what led to her death - but he won’t deny the truth of his feelings to those who caught on somehow. Lance will find that he’ll slowly begin to mend after this death, many months after of course, but it’ll happen, and in some ways this will help him move past his brother’s death as well. After all, in the end both Guardienne and Valkyon came to accept their final moments in life before allowing Lance’s past actions to bring about their end, and although one chose to die to help mend him and the other chose to die to help relieve herself, the root issue of the situation that led to their death was still very similar. He’ll have a hard time allowing himself to move past the fact that his actions played a major part in both deaths, but he realizes in time that that’s what happens when someone has a violent past. It’ll haunt for many years, and the effects of it can never be reversed, but in the end this only inspires him to work harder to provide a better world. Maybe he can’t erase what he did, but he can make sure it doesn’t happen again and work to provide Eldarya with as much good as he can provide now.

Without a doubt Guardienne’s death hits him hard, but he’ll be sure to come back twice as strong from this.

I hope you like this, Anon! I feel Guardienne’s suicide would definitely hit Lance hard and remind him subtly of Valkyon’s death, but I don’t see Lance being held down by this for too long. He’d heavily grieve for her for a good while before he eventually finds himself standing on two feet again and powering his way through life, if not for his own sake then for the sake of others, both alive and dead.

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

#Eldarya ANE #eldarya lance #fenristheorem writing #askfenris

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huberts-private-counsel-archive · 3 years

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Hiii~ could you please dedicate this one to @stag-of-adrestia? Let's have Value Me with darkshout, just for old times sake ;)

Well, you heard the anon! To @stag-of-adrestia this drabble goes!

.....you can. carbon date how old this is by the url im so sorry about this im so very sorry

Leave a “Value Me” in my ask, and I’ll write a drabble about one character telling another how they feel about them.

Caspar didn’t know a lot. BUT. He DID know one thing.

He’d had ENOUGH!

It was pretty much everywhere he went! No matter what! Over and over, he’d her people talking shit about Hubert, writing him off as “just the Emperor’s lapdog”, as if that was an okay thing to do!

It didn’t matter that Hubert said that he didn’t mind and that they were speaking the truth (which they WEREN’T, and Hubert shouldn’t have to pretend like they were!), Caspar was still not gonna stand for this! He was going to show those jerks that they were wrong!

And he had an absolutely, one hundred percent foolproof plan to do so! Linhardt helped him come up with it!

...Honestly, Lin had only agreed to help him because he said that, “just yelling in Hubert’s face about your love for him won’t go well.”

To be fair, it wasn’t like Hubert knew Caspar loved him, so Lin was probably right about that...

Bah, whatever! That wasn’t the point here!

Caspar shook off the lingering doubts - he had an important job to do! He couldn’t get hung up on dumb stuff he could take care of later! Maybe! Probably never! Whatever!

He knocked on the door to Hubert’s office, waiting a few seconds to see if Hubert would answer. As Lin had predicted, he very much did not. So Caspar did what he did best.

“HEYA HUBERT! IT’S CASPAR! I GOT SOMETHING TO TALK TO YA ABOUT!!” Caspar exclaimed as he slammed the office door open.

He could see Hubert actually jump at his desk - which shocked him for a moment, until he realized something. Hubert only ever jumped when something startled him because he was completely off guard. The only time Hubert was ever completely off guard was when he was asleep. Hubert had...actually been asleep at his desk. And Caspar just woke him up very loudly.

Oops.

Caspar didn’t hide the wince as Hubert turned to look at him, eyes narrowed in clear anger for a few seconds before he just sighed.

“What is it, Caspar?” Hubert asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. He did that a lot when Caspar was around.

He sounded pretty annoyed, definitely because Caspar woke him up like that; but he didn’t sound as annoyed as he could’ve been. Don’t ask how Caspar knew that, it’s a long story that he’d like to not relive, thank you.

Anyway!

“I was coming to drag ya out of your office! You’ve been in there all day! Some fresh air could do you some real good!”

Yep! This was Caspar’s completely foolproof plan! Just take Hubert out on the town to have some fun! (He REFUSED to say date, because it wasn’t a date! Nope! Just two friends hanging out!)

“I’ve been inside all day because there’s a lot of work that I still need to do-” Hubert was already saying, which was Caspar’s cue to cut in. He knew if he let Hubert keep talking, he’d end up just going back inside his office. So!

“Nope! None of that!” Caspar interrupted, grinning triumphantly. “I already asked Edelgard about it, and she said it was fine!”

Actually, she didn’t, but that wasn’t the point.

Hubert stared at him for a few moments, as if trying to decide if Caspar was telling to truth. Actually, that’s probably exactly what he was doing. Caspar tried not to fidget. Eventually, Hubert must’ve decided he was telling the truth (phew), because he let out another sigh - one that Caspar knew meant he was relenting.

“If Lady Edelgard approved it, then I suppose I’ve no choice but to play along.”

Caspar smiled. And that smile only as the day progressed. His plan really was going perfectly! They were both having a good time going out on the town, and Caspar even saw Hubert trying not to smile! It was amazing! All in all, everything was going according to plan!

“Ugh, watch out - the Emperor’s dog is coming...”

...Well, it was, until some ASSHOLE decided to speak up.

Caspar felt his hands curl into fists as he heard the words, whirling around to stare down the person who said it. The only reason they weren’t suffering from a serious case of what he’d like to call “Caspar’s Fist Directly Through Their Face” disease was because of Hubert’s hand resting on his shoulder.

“Don’t bother, Caspar. They’re simply stating facts.” Hubert’s voice sounded resigned, his expression carefully blank - which Caspar knew meant that Hubert was actually really bothered by what they were saying.

“But they’re not! Because you’re way more than what that bastard says!!” Caspar shouted, feeling the anger creeping into his voice.

He knew that they were drawing a crowd, but he didn’t care about that. What he cared about was getting Hubert to not listen to that jackass!

“Really, Caspar, you’re causing a scene...” And there it was, Hubert trying to change the subject because he didn’t want to talk about this. Well Caspar wasn’t gonna let him!

“That doesn’t matter! They should be here to hear about how amazing you are! You’re a super talented mage, maybe even rivaling Lin in how smart you are! And you always use that to help everyone, no matter what you say! You’re way more nice than people give ya credit for; and that’s not to mention how loyal you are! I know Edelgard knows she can always rely on you no matter what, just like everyone else in the Strike Force!”

Caspar could hear murmuring in the crowd, and see how Hubert’s face was slowly turning more red. He wasn’t used to all the compliments - which only drove Caspar to say even more compliments! Because Hubert deserved to hear everything good that people thought about it!

“And besides! You’re the guy I love! Of course you’re awesome!”

Hubert froze. “What.”

Caspar froze himself. Wait, actually, Hubert wasn’t supposed to hear that part, abort mission ABORT MISSION-

Hubert let out a sigh - but to Caspar’s surprise, it wasn’t like...an angry sigh, or a disappointed sigh, or a “I’m five seconds away from losing it” sigh (don’t ask why Caspar knew that one).

It was...a relieved sigh.

“Well...” Hubert looked away, the blush on his face deepening. “I suppose that makes things easier for me...considering I love you as well.”

Caspar felt his jaw drop. He was not expecting that.

But he couldn’t say that he was unhappy about that - not when he was letting out a shout of joy and pulling Hubert down for a kiss.

(”Hey Caspar!” Annette said one day, having been on a date with her partner Stag. “Now, who’s that next to you?”

The tone to her voice was obviously teasing, and Caspar grinned widely.

“That’s my husband!” He exclaimed happily. No matter how many times this happened, whether it be Annette or someone else from the Strike Force, Hubert couldn’t stop the blush from appearing on his cheeks.

Not that he was truly upset about it, though.)

#fe3h #fe16 #hubert von vestra #fe hubert #caspar von bergliez #fe caspsar #caspbert #huspar #darkshout #anniversary event #fic #i am. so fucking sorry about how long this took this is an embarrassment #anyway dont mind me just shoving in ''caspar knowing all of hubert's little differences in his expressions and what they really mean''#and running away byeeeee #im so fucking sorry again #about how long this took

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moonlightstars16 · 4 years

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Connverse “I had a nightmare you hated me”

I FINALLY have an excuse to use an old one-shot I wrote months ago! Thank you wonderful Anon!

“I had a nightmare you hated me.

~~~~~~~~

It was a few months after the incident. A long time ago since he proposed. Still they hadn't really touched too much on the subject. What with Steven's therapy and Connie's cram school studying, it was difficult to even find time to just hang out. Sometime later Connie was studying at the temple because of home renovations. However it had gotten to be too late and Connie had to stay the night.

While Steven insisted she take his room and he take the couch, Connie politely refused since she would be up late studying anyways. So after they kissed each other goodnight, they were off to bed. Connie followed suit within minutes.

Suddenly there was a loud scream that woke Steven up. Quickly getting out of bed he raced down the stairs, shield up, and prepared himself for a fight. Finding nothing but a dark house lit by the moonlight coming through the windows, he sighed and put down his shield.

Wondering if what he heard was just in his head. Then he began to hear the sounds of someone crying. Looking over at the couch, he heard them much louder. Connie's back was towards him as she gripped a pillow and tried to muffle her cries. Her nightmare was almost to real for her. She froze for a moment when a familiar hand touched her shoulder.

"Connie? Are you alright?" Steven whispered as she shook her head.

"I-I'm sorry for waking you up." She whispered back feeling slightly guilty about it.

"It's okay....did you have a bad dream?" He asked as she could only nod her head.

"I don't want to loose you again." Her voice whimpered out between cries. She dreamt about them and it didn't end well from what he gathered. Plus that sentence was enough to make his own heart ache even more. Still it was all he needed to scoop her up in his arms and carry her, bridal style like, to his bed. He sat up with legs stretched out and herself on his lap. It was all she needed right now. The warmth, herself within his tight and loving embrace, him being there.

The images of her nightmare still haunted her. But they soon disappeared the longer they were together. Her hands gripping his shirt as she buried her face in his chest. One arm wrapped around her tightly, the other gently stroking and running his fingers through her hair. His head on top of hers. Her cries kept continuing to spill over her cheeks and it was hard for her to stop. But he didn't care how long it took, she needed to let it all out.

"Shh" Steven whispered gently. Calming her trembling and feeling her tears through his shirt. He knew how awful nightmares were. But to see his beloved Connie suffering from one wasn't okay. Wanting to be there for her through it all just like she did with him. Gently pressing his lips against her forehead. He pulled back slightly and placed a hand on her cheek. She leaned into his touch, embarrassed to open her eyes as the slight blush permeated her cheeks.

He smiled and chuckled before gently lifting her up in his arms before positioning both of them on the bed. Once more he enveloped her in his embrace. Gently holding her head against his chest. Hearing his heartbeat soothed her.

"I had a nightmare you hated me... I-... I saw your face after I r-rejected your proposal and then the next minute, you were shouting you couldn't be around me right then. That's what I've been dreaming almost every night. I never told you this but....it hurt me when you said that you didn't want to be around me. I know you didn't mean anything by it! You were going through so much that I will always understand. But I just...I can't help but feel hurt." She paused before continuing.

"Steven I wanted so badly to say yes to your proposal. However it wasn't the right time for me. I want to be my own person first, to figure out who I am so when I'm ready I could be there for you. But then I saw that you left me and I was surrounded by darkness...it suffocated me to the point where I couldn’t breathe and-“ Her voice cracked a bit unable to complete the sentence. More tears threatened to overflow.

"Oh Connie, I could never hate you. Shh, I'm here. You're safe now, I've got you." Steven understood between feeling he needed fixing a problem that wasn't his , and being there for someone else because he wanted too be. Connie seemed to be the most likely to come up in that train of thought.

In this moment she was vulnerable. He knew she was embarrassed of it, but it never bothered him. She needed to release her emotions from time to time as well. That's one thing he'll always be there for. To hold her up just like she did for him.

Soon they fell asleep in each other's arms. That next morning Steven was surprised to find himself the first to be awake. But he was thrilled, because he awoke to find a sleeping Connie with him. Her face calm and beautiful as she slept peacefully. Gently he caressed her cheek. Sweeping away her hair.

Her eyes fluttered open and smiled when she saw him. For a moment, they just looked at each other. Enjoying just being in each other's company. Then slowly Connie sat up and stretched while yawning. Steven sat up as well, leaning back against the bed frame and pillows. Connie leaned against him once more. Resting her head on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around her waist. She was slightly embarrassed of what happened last night. Being so vulnerable when she was supposed to be so strong.

So lost in thought she didn't realize his hand took hers and placed a gentle kiss on the back. Looking up she met his gaze as he let go of her hand and once more caressed her cheek. Only this time pulling her closer until both of their lips touched, eyes closed. Connie placed her hand on his shoulder. After a brief moment they parted and he leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm always here for you Connie. You don't have to be embarrassed about anything with me. I love you no matter what. .... You still love me and was/is always there for me. Even at my worst moment. Please let me be here for you too. I want to be here for you."

"Even if I'm weak?" Connie spoke in almost a squeaked whisper. "I love you too, so much. I just...I want to be strong for you." Steven sighed and lifted up the bottom of his t-shirt. Then taking one of her hands again he guided them to his gem. Allowing her to touch what he couldn't even look at for what felt like years.

Connie inhaled sharply though quietly as well. Her skin feeling the smooth and slightly cool surface of his gem; while his hand was on hers. Encouraging her to stay as if to say it was okay. Looking down she saw the familiar rose-pink diamond that he always had. It was a part of him she felt was sacred. After the events of what White Diamond did, she never thought he would let anyone touch it.

"As kids, good times, bad times, confusing times as well, even through the brightest and darkest moments, Connie, you accepted me for who I was then and who I am now. Just like I accepted you for who you are. My brave, kind hearted, funny and wonderful Connie. My jam buddy for life. Good moments and bad I'm here for you." His words brought tears to her eyes. He wiped and kissed every one of them away. Through her tears was a smile and laughter.

Lifting her hand she pressed her lips on her fingers before resting it on his Gem once more. An indirect kiss so to speak. After awhile of just being in each other's company, they decided to embrace the morning. Steven lifting Connie almost effortlessly in his arms.

"Steven!" She tried sounding firm but it came out in almost a giggle. "I can walk you know."

"I know but maybe I was want to carry you today." He smirked while walking downstairs with her. Both just happy and in love.

#steven universe #steven universe future #connverse #connie maheswaran #steven and connie #stevenxconnie #connverse one shot #requests #writing prompt #writing #prompt

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miitzwrites · 5 years

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can i ask u a levi and eren drabble or fanfic for the prompt "Hey, hey, calm down. They can’t hurt you anymore."? thanks💗

Sweet, beautiful anon, I’m sorry it took me so freaking long, but hey, this monster of a drabble turned into a 8k One shot, and I’m pretty happy with the result, so I really hope you enjoy it as well!! Thanks for the prompt, come by if you want another -probably shorter- one!

[more prompts to send in] [if you would like to donate me a ko-fi, go there; or if you want to commission me a longer OS or a fic, send me a msg!!]

“Fuck, Erwin, I can’t do it. He’s a child, and sick at it,” the man whispered, but his voice seemed loud to the ears of the boy who laid chained to the metal bed, stripped down to only a pair of briefs, barely conscious. He was thin, and his skin acquired a pale tone, almost translucid, making his veins to stick out like fragile branches. And as if that wasn’t enough sign of the abuse he had been subjected to, his arms were painted in bruises, news and old ones, and needle marks were visible on his skin.

“Levi, he’s not part of the mission, and I don’t think he’s going to make it, anyway; remember what our boss told us, no witnesses. I am so sorry, but there’s no other way to help him,” the broad, giant blonde that accompanied the short, black-haired man, answered, and though his voice was cold, his eyes showed sympathy for the poor bastard who looked almost dead. When Levi refused to follow his orders, the blonde sighed, and approached the boy, holding a small knife in his hands. He knew how to make it less painful, almost merciful. With a loose hold on the boy’s hair, Erwin raised his knife, ready to strike, but a strong hand stopped him.

“He’s the son, Erwin. And if what we found about the mother is true, the kid will need some blood transfusions to help him going.”

“Levi…”

“Just fucking do it, eyebrows! I’ve seen this shit before, okay? Just… trust me on this one.” Shocked by the abrupt change in the raven’s behavior, Erwin nodded and helped Levi to untie the boy. They knew it was risky to make any move there in the middle of a deserted laboratory, so they decided to take him to their friend and doctor’s house, Hange Zöe, who waited for them after every mission.

-x-x-x-

Eren hated thunderstorms. He hated them badly, but after almost seven years of therapy, he learned how not to go into a full panic attack when the first thunder stroke.

He sat in front of the picture window in their living room, bundled up in a soft, blue blanket, holding against his face one of his boyfriend’s shirts, finding comfort in its smell. He scratched his arm, anxiously, ignoring the pain that came with that action. After months of being subjected to blood extraction and the experiments that came with it, the skin in his arms, legs, back of his hands and feet, became tender, hurting himself if he wasn’t careful. But, when he got like this, waking up after a nightmare and feeling numb, he lost his sense of reality, almost as if he traveled back to the source of his pain.

-x-x-x-

The boy, or better said, Eren, had been the subject of illegal experiments ran by Grisha Yeager, his father. For the information they gathered upon inspecting the laboratory, Dr. Yeager intended to make a serum from his son's blood, that could help treat some strange disease, which cure had yet to be found. The reason behind this experiment was unknown to the agents. And, with the lack of cooperation from Eren, they could only guess.

Eren didn’t speak and barely ate anything. He wasn’t malnourished, not exactly, but his haggard face made him look sick. He didn’t let anyone touch him, becoming quickly a trouble to the staff. Doctors and psychologists tried to approach him, but the boy was fast to avoid them when they presented him with a needle to take a sample of his blood or to give him some vitamins or other medicines. They had to restrain him more than once, but not even that made him want to talk to the agents.

After Levi and Erwin found him in that abandoned laboratory, they took him to Hange’s place, where she performed an urgent blood transfusion, just like Levi predicted. It was a surprise to Erwin and Moblit, Hange’s assistant when Levi was the one compatible with the boy’s type of blood. His records were classified since he was recruited into the Survey Corps, a secret intelligence agency that worked alongside the government, doing the dirty work when it was needed, so the only person who knew about him, was Hange, the woman who convinced him to join the SC, after being let up by his gang to die after a failed mission.

Both had an extremely odd blood type -Rh-null-, and while their blood was accepted by anyone, Rh-null carriers could only accept blood by others of the same type. It had been a miracle that they found Eren when they did.

But, aside from his health, the progress was minimal. Eren didn’t acknowledge them, they knew he wasn’t deaf because sudden noises startled him. After being discharged from the hospital and discovering that Eren didn’t have any close family that could take him in, Hange decided to look after him. And in this new environment, Eren remained secluded into his room. He only walked out of the bedroom to use the bathroom and wasn’t particularly interested in going outside. The boy was a mystery, especially for Levi. And as the man stared at his unofficial ward, he couldn’t help but feel connected to him.

-x-x-x-

Traffic was a bitch to deal with, and Levi tapped his fingers anxiously over the wheel, observing with a pained expression how the cars didn’t move an inch after the traffic light turned green. He didn’t want to worry, but he knew his boyfriend, and he remembered every single episode he suffered when the storms were accompanied by thunders.

It had been a little over a year since they moved in together, and frankly, Levi couldn’t be happier. It was a blessing to start his days and finish them with the sight of that beautiful shade of green that he loved dearly. But, although the good days occurred more often, the worry of having a setback, never left him.

With a sigh, he dialed Eren’s number again, frowning when he didn’t answer for the fourth time that evening.

-x-x-x-

“For fuck's sake, Nile, are you even listening to the shit you’re spitting out?” Levi groaned, again, it was the effect that Nile, his supervisor, had on him.

“Don’t be so crude, Ackerman. If you can’t see it, it’s your damn fault,” Nile answered, used to Levi’s bad temper -but feeling a little intimidated, nevertheless-, “the boy is almost eighteen, if we don’t clear this up, he could be prosecuted for his father’s crimes as an accomplice.”

“Erwin, beat some sense into this asshole before I do,” Levi stood up, ignoring the scowl of his coworkers.

“Levi, don’t let your personal feelings play into this, it can be dangerous,” Erwin suggested, and the room’s air became suddenly thick, and even Hange, who was munching on some snacks, stopped, looking at Levi with widened eyes.

“Come again?” Levi asked calmly, a clear sign of his lack of patience. The man was about to snap, everyone in the made-up office in Hange’s house could see it. And no one wanted to be at the receiving end of Levi’s anger.

“Your medical history matched some details with Eren’s. It’s such a huge coincidence, wouldn’t you say so?” Erwin explained slowly, how one would talk to a child. A glass flew by his side, missing his head by merely an inch. He didn’t wince and kept his eyes firmly on Levi.

“Don’t ever talk about things you cannot understand, do you hear me, fucking moron?” Levi threatened and didn’t wait for an answer, storming out the room and to his spare bedroom in Hange’s place, where he had been spending most of his time since rescuing Eren.

The door to Eren’s bedroom was ajar, and Levi was sure the boy had heard them talking. He didn’t bother to knock, but he entered the room, mindful of not making a sudden noise that could startle Eren.

“You heard us, didn’t you?” As expected, Eren didn’t answer, but his uneven breathing was enough to answer for Levi. “You don’t have to tell us anything if you’re not ready, just know that we’re here for you if you need us,” and after a moment, he added, “I promise you, no one will ever hurt you again.”

Suddenly, Eren looked up. Green and grey eyes crossed for the first time since the boy was first brought into the care of the SC, and Levi managed a small smile. Eren didn’t reciprocate it, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that told Levi he was going slowly but surely breaking down Eren’s barriers.

-x-x-x-

Not even a week later, the news reached the agents, informing them of the recent discovery of Grisha's dead body in a property that belonged to his first wife, Dina Fritz. The man killed himself, letting a note begging his son to forgive him, and explaining more detailed what he did to Eren.

His second wife and mother of Eren, Carla, was diagnosed a few years ago with a weird and practically unknown blood disease, that only worsened over the time, causing her to need constant blood transfusions. The problem was that her blood type was the same as her son's. There was no other person in the country that could help her, and his son couldn't donate his blood due to his age.

Grisha, then, did what he thought would help his wife, and after getting Eren’s consent, he started his research. At first, he would take a sample or two, but as time passed, he took more and more of his blood, giving him enough vitamins to have his son healthy. But that didn't change his wife's condition. In a moment of desperation, he searched for the people that he knew worked in the underground market, and they agreed that he needed a more aggressive approach. And then, Eren's nightmare began.

He accepted the help of a pharmacologist who promised would deliver better results in no time, but that didn't happen, and not only did Carla die without saying goodbye to her son months ago, but he never saw Eren again, and when the news about the raid on the lab of the pharmacologist reached him, he did what he thought would lead him to see his beloved family again, and with the help of a shotgun, ended his life.

“So that settles it then. Neither of them is guilty,” said Levi after hearing Nile’s report.

“It’s not that easy, Ackerman. We need to find this man, if he ends up being an invention of Grisha, the poor boy will suffer the consequences.”

“We have more urgent matters to attend to right now; how are we gonna tell him everything?” asked a mortified Hange, shaking her head after reading for a second time that day, the report.

“He needs to talk first and confirm his father's story. The information in the lab never revealed a second name, and no one saw or heard Grisha talking to another man. It could be a cover story for the trafficking ring in the underground,” Nile offered, disgusted by this whole mess.

“Just tell him so,” Levi suggested, “if the kid's responsible, his reaction will tell us. Just tell him the truth, your mom died, you were abandoned by God knows who, and your father took his life, so you either let us help you or you know, go to jail and all that crap.”

“Geez, Ackerman, no wonder why you didn't qualify for the psychology department,” scolded Nile, shaking his head. But the moment was interrupted by an almost unintelligible voice from the door. There, in front of the small group gathered in their usual made-up office, was Eren, looking at them with big, glassy eyes. For the first time, his usual inexpressive face showed sadness, and he spoke to the team that seemed as fragile as the owner.

“Are they dead? Mom and dad?”

“Eren, sweetie-.” Hange stood up, ready to console him, but Eren quickly shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest.

“No! When did they die?”

“Carla died six months ago, and your father was found earlier this week,” Levi answered, in his usual bluntness, but something told him the boy didn’t need to be cooed.

Eren’s face fell, and a sob found its way through his lips, “he said he’d help us if I behaved,” he whispered, and before anyone could ask what he meant, he turned around, returning to his bedroom, crestfallen.

“Eren, wait!” Hange yelled, but it was too late. Nile and Erwin were ready to follow him, but Levi stopped them.

“Wait here until I tell you. I think I can handle him.”

Levi knocked at the door twice, out of courtesy, and stepped inside. He sat on the edge of the bed, and his heart clenched at the sight of Eren, curled up in a ball, crying silently. Levi wasn’t an expert with victims. He got them out, and his job was done. Eren had been an especial case since the beginning, and now, he wasn’t sure of how to proceed.

“I know what you’re going through,” Levi lamely said, as if that would help him bond with the boy, but he knew that had been the wrong thing to say. Despite not saying anything, Eren’s jaw tightened, as if he were containing himself. Resigned, he continued, “I was once where you are right now. I was born and raised in the underground, my mom was a whore and I never met my father. She did her best to take care of me, but she got sick when I was six. And things went downhill from there,” Levi didn’t know why he felt the need to reveal this part of his story to the boy, something that only Hange knew, and only snips of it.

“One of her clients came and offered to help us. He took us to what we believed was a shelter. He gave us food, medicine for her, clothes and a good place to live. Then one day, they stopped giving my mom the medicine that she needed, and I could only watch as she died. I wish I had been stronger back then; I would’ve broken bone after bone of the shitbag that dragged her body out of our room as if she were garbage.”

Levi tried to swallow the knot on his throat, so unused to tell his story. But it was the only way he could show Eren that he understood him. Their experiences weren’t the same, but he could understand the level of pain that Eren suffered. He had felt it himself, and yet, he had survived.

“I was going to be sold off to one of the assholes that sponsored that place, but when they made some tests to see if I was healthy, they discovered that I was “special”. I have the same shit as you, so I became their golden boy. They used me as their blood bag, but only that. It was less painful in comparison to what happened to other kids. Long story short, the shelter couldn’t run such a successful business without the biggest dog in the underground noticing it. Kenny the Reaper is his name, and he dismantled the place, killed most of the people that ran that place, and let the kids run freely on the streets. Funny thing is, that idiotic man is my uncle. He was pretty mad when he found me among those brats.

And once I was freed from that place, the nightmares started, the night terrors, the paranoia of being chased by one of the fuckers from the shelter. Life hasn’t been easy, but I survived. You’ll get there, Eren, just give it some time.”

Somehow, Levi felt lighter after telling Eren about his past. He didn’t tell him about his time as Kenny’s ward, or when he ran his own gang, and although he wasn’t proud of some of the things he did, Levi would truthfully tell Eren more, if he asked.

The room was in silence, and Eren had finally calmed down. Levi was going to let him rest, but long, bony fingers grabbed his hand, and he understood the quiet message. He stood there, holding Eren’s hand until he was sure the boy was asleep.

And, the following morning, when Erwin asked him what had happened the previous night, Levi replied that he would watch over Eren for the time being, before they were forced to send him away because he was confident that he would get through him. After all, no one could understand him as well he did.

-x-x-x-

The following days, Levi started to notice how prominent the bags under Eren’s eyes became. Instead of getting better, he looked frailer. Levi could coax him to eat a meal or two and to walk outside for a little while, but nothing seemed to work out, Eren even refused to talk to their newly hired psychiatrist, Petra Ral. He was concerned, if the boy didn't make significant progress, he would be sent to a psychiatric clinic, and Levi had had his fair share of shrinks as to know how badly that place could fuck up Eren's already weak mental state.

And his concerns only increased one evening when he got a call from Hange, telling him they were at the hospital.

The sky was clouded, and heavy drops fell on the ground, accompanied by occasional thunders. Even Levi got startled a couple of times while driving, but he focused on the road, intent on getting to the hospital in time.

When he arrived, he found Hange sitting in the waiting room. She had managed to get a private room for Eren, but what caught the attention of his short friend, was the gash on the right side of her face. Hange tried to smile, but she winced instead. “I only got three stitches; I've gotten worse.”

“Good thing I don't have kids. I've had my fill with you and the emergency room for a long time. Where's Eren?”

“We had to sedate him,” the humor in Hange's face disappeared, and looked at Levi with sad, big brown eyes, “the thunderstorm triggered a crisis. He didn't recognize me and thought I'd hurt him, so he did this. Moblit helped me to bring him here. He even crushed a mirror with his bare hand. Doctors said he was lucky he didn’t cause any permanent damage.”

Levi cursed loudly, earning a frown from one of the nurses that passed by. He went to Eren’s hospital bedroom, and upon opening the door, stopped dead on his tracks. The sight of Eren trembling and whimpering, with his hands tied, so he wouldn’t hurt himself or others, angered him. The kid didn’t deserve this shit, so controlling his initial anger, he walked to his bed. Carefully, he untied him, rubbed his reddish wrists, and wiped the tears off his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“This is so fucking unfair,” whispered Levi, “you don’t deserve going through this shit.”

“I behaved like he said,” Eren muttered weakly, and Levi’s head shot up with surprise when he heard him talking, “but he lied, and now my parents are dead,” a new wave of tears filled Eren’s eyes, and Levi cupped his face with both hands, holding his face softly.

“Who is this man, Eren?”

“Mr. Zackly. He’s the owner of the lab where you found me,” replied Eren, and then began telling what he remembered. Grisha had contacted the man in hopes of getting a second opinion about his wife’s condition, and the man, a pharmacologist well-known in the underground because of his unorthodox methods and experiments with new drugs, suggested he could treat his case personally, but in order to do so, he had to conduct his own research on Eren. Grisha declined the idea, but it was his son who convinced him. Eren wanted to give it a try if that meant his blood would be useful for his mom’s recovery.

But Eren’s stay was prolonged three more months that what they had originally agreed on. For six months, Eren endured Zackly’s perverted ideas, some of them leaving him on the verge of dying. And when he felt like giving up, Zackly would give him reports on his mother’s condition. Eren was truly happy when he read Carla was making incredible progress after five months under Zackly’s care. He didn’t know she was already dead by that moment.

A couple of days before Levi and Erwin found him, Zackly had taken a good amount of his blood, careful not to overdo it, and abandoned the lab and Eren. He had heard rumors that the location of his laboratory had been found and would be ambushed, so before getting caught, he fled, like the coward he was.

And, innocently, Eren thought Grisha would come back for him, but instead, the SC’s agents had found him, and his worst fears were confirmed the night he heard them talking about the suicide of his father. The memories of some of the experiments were fuzzy, and Levi didn’t want to dwell on them, prompting another crisis on Eren, so he took Eren’s hand -the one that wasn’t badged-, and firmly, he promised, “I’m going to find the son of a bitch that caused you this pain.”

Eren stared at the man for an instant, before nodding and closing his eyes. He didn’t doubt it that Levi would fulfill his promise.

-x-x-x-

The SC’s headquarters was a façade. A flat in the middle of the city where only tech interns worked, was enough as to no arise suspicion about the work of said organization. Regularly, the noise was minimal, with two exceptions. One being Hange and her enthusiast talks to the interns, and the other one, being Levi, throwing things at the walls in an angry fit.

They had been investigating Darius Zackly for over two months now, and the information they found didn’t incriminate the man at all. He had everything covered up, had alibis for his long work trips outside the city, and even, ten years ago, when he was subjected to a trial under the charges of malpractice, he wasn’t condemned because the evidence wasn’t enough, leaving him free to continue with his perverted plans.

When Levi finally vented his frustrations -or ran out of things to throw at the wall-, he sat heavily on a chair, staring up at the ceiling. Nothing was going as planned, and that frustrated him, and what was worse, he barely saw Eren, with the amount of work he had, by the time he got back to Hange’s place, Eren was either asleep or out with Petra.

Following his stay in the hospital, and as if a weight would’ve been lifted from his shoulders, Eren accepted Petra’s help, and the psychiatrist recommended him going to support groups where he could talk to other victims. She also told him it’d be ideal if he found an activity that he would enjoy until he decided if he wanted to go back to school or not. And, after a couple of weeks trying different things, Eren decided to volunteer in the local animal shelter.

Eren suffered from nightmares but wasn’t a constant occurrence, only once or twice he would wake up screaming or crying as if he were back in the lab, but the thing he had yet to overcome was his fear of thunderstorms. For what Eren had told him and Hange, he had lived for months in a small cell where he was chained to the bedpost, to prevent him from attacking one of Zackly’s men. The room didn’t have a window or anything that let him see the exterior, but he could hear when it was raining, and the sound effect of the thunders on that cell, scared him. Weak from whatever that man had put him through, with no way of covering the thunders, and with no source of light, had left Eren traumatized.

Levi shifted his attention to the clock on the opposite wall, and it read half-past seven. Another day with no improvement left a sour taste on his mouth, so he used his last resource. Picking up his cellphone, he dialed a number that he had memorized since he was younger.

“Hey, old man, I need a favor.”

-x-x-x-

Kenny was a strong name in the underground, his business, although illegal, conserved some type of ethic that didn’t allow him nor his men, to hurt the most vulnerable people. Sure, he had his brothels, and he trafficked weapons and drugs, but he never touched a kid or a lady without her consent. Thus, when he got his nephew’s request to investigate Zackly, he was a hundred percent aboard.

Finding information was easy. Relying upon them to his nephew, even more so. However, what wasn’t a piece of cake, was delivering the news to his nephew, that this man used to visit Olympia during her available hours, nor that he approached them because her son was exactly what the market needed. Yes, as it turned out, Zackly was a client of Kuchel Ackerman, his late sister, and his instincts told him that he had something to do with her death and the subsequent imprisonment of his nephew before he dismantled that old shelter.

Kenny rarely left his safe house, preferring using a safe channel to speak privately with his people, but this time, he knew he needed to pay a visit to the city.

-x-x-x-

“Mr. Ackerman, a man requested a meeting with you. He says it’s urgent, so he made himself comfortable at your office.,” the newest intern, Marlow, told Levi upon his arrival at the SC HQs. Levi frowned, ready to reprimand him for being careless as to let someone into his office without even asking his name. Unfortunately, Levi knew there was only one idiot with enough galls, as to step into his territory and be unaffected by his fury.

“Listen up, kid, if anyone asks, no one, and I repeat it, no one has come to see me today. Do you understand?” Marlow paled under Levi’s frigid gaze, and nodded quickly, returning to his desk to try to focus on his work. When Levi reached his office, the curtains were drawn, and the lights were dimmed. He closed the door behind himself, and locked it, just to be sure.

“Nice office, brat,” Kenny said as a greeting, sitting behind Levi’s desk as if he owned the place.

“To what do I owe the displeasure of your visit?” Levi replied, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

“I gathered all the information that you needed, rat. All you need to do is to plan how you’re gonna present it to the big guns, and then start the whole shit-show. The bastard will spend a long time in the cooler if you do this right.”

Levi hummed, with a hint of suspicion. He was good at reading others, and by the crease on Kenny’s brows, there was something else that the man wasn’t telling him yet. The silence lingered for a moment longer, and Kenny chuckled, procuring an envelope from his jacket.

“Why don’t you let me deal with him?” Offered Kenny, but Levi narrowed his eyes, shaking his head. “Yeah, yeah, don’t look at me like that, just let’s keep this off the records, kid, alright?” Levi took the envelope from Kenny’s outstretched hand, and opened it, reading the contents. The information was from almost 25 years ago when the man started working as a contact between the black market and the lowest whorehouses in the underground.

“What’s this, Kenny?”

“I’m an old man, kid, but my instinct has never failed me. And I’m convinced this asshole visited your mama at her job.”

Levi felt as if cold water had been poured over him. He was a kid, he hardly remembered faces or names, but Kenny never lied to him, and most of the times, he was right. The struggle in his face was obvious to the old man, but he couldn’t force his nephew to decide in such a short time. They both respected their line of jobs, even if they were opposites.

“Listen, son, just take your time. Do your work and use this information as you please. But don’t forget I’m a call away if you need me, okay?” Kenny offered his support, placing his hand on Levi’s shoulder, and he nodded dumbly, ignoring when his uncle left his office. He knew what he had to do, he was one of the best in his division, but this case was hitting close home, and for the first time Levi was at a loss of what to do.

-x-x-x-

Laughter could be heard from the backyard, and Levi stopped to gauge the sound. Did Hange invite someone? That was unlikely, in most cases, the obnoxious laughter would belong to her, and what he heard wasn’t as annoying as hers. Regardless, he found himself surprised when he spotted the owner of said laughter.

Eren was sprawled on the grass, trying to regain his breath, as a huge beast licked his face and pawed at his belly. The joyous sound reached him again, and for a moment, Levi regretted not being able to store it away and treasure it. If it were for him, Levi would give everything in his hands to keep that smile on Eren’s face and to hear him laughing more often.

“Oh, you're here early,” Hange greeted him from the kitchen, “did you miss us?”

“As if you wouldn't know already what happened,” grumbled Levi, finally taking his eyes off Eren.

“Well, yes, but I wanna hear it from you. You know Erwin gets moody and doesn't tell me the fun bits.”

“I got suspended for two weeks because I told a coworker to kindly fuck himself,” Hange snickered, making that horrible sound that annoyed Levi, “and apparently, I was too invested in the case, so I needed to either chill-out or step down.”

“Ah, can't say I didn't see it coming. Poor Nile, I bet he's traumatized.”

“Nile? It was the fucking tall blonde that got me suspended. Nile only signed it up.”

“Oh boy, Smith omitted the funniest thing,” the grin on Hange’s face verged on maniac, and Levi wondered, not for the first time, why he was friends with such a crazy lot. Nevertheless, he knew no one would understand him as Hange did. That batshit crazy individual knew how to put up with him.

“The evidence we got isn’t enough,” commented Levi, directing his gaze back at Eren, “half of the evidence isn’t conclusive, the other half can’t be trusted because an unknown source isn’t reliable enough. We have nothing, Hange.”

Hange observed how Levi looked at the younger man, and arched a brow, but decided not to comment anything, yet. Instead, she boiled some water, knowing that nothing calmed his grumpy friend as tea did.

“And why did Erwin think you’re too involved?”

“Kenny is convinced that the fucker here is the same man that got my mom into that fucking place. And I don’t believe in coincidences.” Hange nodded and offered a pat on Levi’s back as a way of comfort. She would’ve hugged him, but the few punches that she earned over the years, taught her a thing or two about Levi.

The door that led to the backyard was opened, and a gasping Eren entered the kitchen. He signaled the big dog to wait for him outside, and the animal obeyed him, waging his tail.

“Hey, Levi, You’re early.”

“Yeah, yeah, got some free time, so here I am.”

“That’s good! I haven’t seen you in days,” Eren smiled, and by reflex, Levi mirrored his expression, “oh, by the way, my little buddy out there, is Titan, he was abandoned some weeks ago, and I was asked to look after him for a while, if you don’t mind.”

“This is Hange’s place if four eyes doesn’t mind, I don’t mind either. Just keep it out of the house and don’t let it shit everywhere.”

Eren touched his jaw with his fingers, a gesture that Levi picked up on as nervousness. The blush that was already present in his face, deepened, and the older man quirked an eyebrow, waiting for the boy to keep talking.

“W-well, I, uh, I’ve been talking to Petra and she says it’s policy of the SC to keep under their care the people that are like me,” Levi noted the way Eren flinched, avoiding to say out loud that he had no family to go back to, “and I’m almost eighteen, so I’d like to adopt him, so I need you to sign up the forms.”

“Shouldn’t Hange do that?”

“N-no. I mean, I’m gonna move in with you in a couple of months, right?”

Luckily, Hange had yet to hand Levi his tea, otherwise, he was sure he would’ve dropped the cup. Levi stared at Eren, gauging how serious his statement was. And then, as blunt as ever, he replied, “and what on earth gave you the impression that I’d let you live with me?”

For the first time in a long time, he regretted his unfiltered mouth when he noticed the hurt that crossed the boy’s eyes. To cover up his deflated expression, Eren looked down, scratching the side of his face, again. “Listen, kid, my apartment isn’t fitting for a person, much less for a boy and his enormous beast. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m barely around. I wouldn’t have the time to look after you.”

“And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a damn kid, Levi,” Eren countered, tensing his jaw in a way that denoted anger. Without another word, he turned around and left the kitchen, and the last Levi heard before Eren closed the door, was “I guess it’s just you and me, big boy.”

“The fuck was that for?!” Levi exclaimed when Hange slapped the back of his head before placing his tea in front of him.

“I cannot believe that one of the Corps’ finest is such a stupid, little man!”

“Oi!”

“Eren likes you, for God’s sake!”

“The kid’s not bad, but I wouldn’t be a good guardian nor roomie for him,” Hange shoot him an incredulous look that made Levi uncomfortable. “Stop looking at me like that, lunatic!”

Deciding to drop the topic, for now, Hange shook her head. Definitely, his friend needed to interact more with others if he wanted to catch romantic clues faster.

-x-x-x-

When the news about the prosecution of Zackly for his involvement in human trafficking and the evidence became public knowledge, his legal team was quick to shut down any suspicion, painting every possible witness as unfitting for court. Even Eren, who was by far one of the sanest witnesses and one of the few victims rescued, was disregarded, claiming that he was lying to protect his father and that the abuse he suffered provoked him to want to blame someone innocent.

It came without saying that Eren’s confidence and progress declined from all the chaos that surrounded him. He spent hours away in his bedroom and only allowed Titan to accompany him. And, if that wasn’t enough, the nightmares started with more frequency.

Levi couldn’t do much, other than to watch from the side and curse his bad luck. Since their failed conversation a while ago, Eren had put an invisible barrier between them, and any type of comfort the older man tried to offer, was ignored or denied, so he could only stay outside of Eren’s room, listening to him sniffing and muffing his sobbing against his pillow, as Titan whimpered by his owner’s side. But he couldn’t stay back and watch him suffer when he started panicking one night.

The light rain turned quickly into a storm, the kind that makes windows and doors tremble with the force of it. Levi couldn’t sleep, his insomniac tendencies worsened when he was stressed, and he hadn’t had a moment to rest in the past months. He re-read the files, trying to find a way out, but they were cornered. With a sigh, he threw the papers to the floor and stood up to refill his cup of tea, when a sound from Eren’s room alerted him. It started with a loud thud, and then another, and another one, as if someone were throwing things at the wall. Then the beast that Eren called his dog, barked and scratched the door. That was Levi’s clue to sprint to his room, and kick the door open, not minding if he made the boy upset by bursting in that way.

Titan rounded his legs, and Levi pushed him lightly to the side, approaching Eren. The boy kept his gaze on the corner of the room as if he was expecting something to jump out and attack him. Levi noticed several glasses and other stuff shattered on the floor as if Eren had used them to try to protect him.

“Eren,” Levi called him softly, stilling when the boy tensed. He turned to look at the older man with fear in his eyes, and that sight hurt Levi in a way that he couldn’t quite understand. He knew people dealt with trauma in different ways, he had an outlet when he was younger, fighting to make a name for himself in the underground, but that didn’t always help him. Sometimes, he wished he could turn to the person next to him and hug him. But he wasn’t a touchy person, he wasn’t sure if he would ever feel a hundred percent comfortable with someone else invading his personal space. However, at that moment, those thoughts were forgotten. After a moment, the cloud in Eren’s eyes dissipated, and realizing it was Levi who had barged into his room, Eren launched at him, almost making them fall.

“Oi brat, you’re spending so much time with your beast. His bad habits are starting to rub off on you,” he tried to joke, to make the younger man smile, but it was useless. His shoulders shook but not from laughter. Fat tears rolled down Eren’s eyes, and Levi let him cling to him, wetting his shirt and holding him almost uncomfortably tightly.

“I’m going crazy, Levi,” Eren sobbed, “I’m waiting for Zackly or one of his men to come here to hurt us. I could swear I saw someone on the corner, but I was alone.” The paranoid of being hunted down was something Levi learned to live with. Instantly, his mind was making any kind of plans to help Eren to cope with it. He could train him or ask one of his fellow agents to do so. Anything that could give him some peace, Levi would do it.

He allowed Eren to get everything off his chest, but when the boy mumbled apologies, Levi frowned, and took his face between his hands, to make Eren look at him.

“Listen up, brat, you have nothing to apologize for, alright?” Instead of answering, Eren shut his eyes tightly and shook his head. “Eren, look at me. C’mon, look at me, please,” it took him a couple of minutes to take deep breaths, just like Petra taught him, but when he finally could look at Levi, the older man smiled, and he brushed his thumbs over the boy’s cheeks. “Hey, calm down, alright? They can’t hurt you anymore. And I promise, no one will ever touch you again.”

Eren nodded shakily, and convinced that he believed him, Levi maneuvered them on the bed, so he could rest against the headboard while Eren rested on his chest. Levi’s legs caged Eren’s body, in a way that would make him feel protected, but that he could also leave whenever he felt like it.

Minutes passed, and Eren finally managed to calm down, soothed by the constant throb of Levi’s heart. Slowly, he fell asleep, confident that the nightmares wouldn’t return that night.

Hours later, when Hange returned from her job, she found Eren’s door open, and giving in her curious nature, she poked her head into the room, finding them in the same position, with Eren clinging to Levi’s shirt, and Levi carding a hand through Eren’s hair, while the other was upon Titan’s back, who laid comfortably on Levi’s left leg.

Hange smiled knowingly. It was only a matter of times before his stupid friend finally realized his feelings and Eren’s, she was sure of it.

-x-x-x-

As expected, the case against Zackly was rejected and Levi was sure that son of a bitch bribed the judge into disallowing the case. The public opinion was mixed, but the majority agreed that he was either a lunatic or a predator, or that he was both.

“What will happen now, Levi?” Hange asked him, both were in the park near the courthouse, after hearing the verdict. Levi couldn’t go back to Hange’s place yet. Eren was at work in the animal shelter, but it was only a matter of time until he heard the news, too.

“I don’t know, Hange. The bastard is free to wander around and hurt more people. He won’t stop unless someone stops him.”

Hange learned back and observed her friend. His slouched posture and tense jaw, how he anxiously tapped his fingers over his knees or bobbed his head imperceptibly. “You know what to do, don’t you?” Levi affirmed with a nod, and Hange hummed. “What’s stopping you, then?”

“You know the answer as well as I do.”

“Well, I’d say he has done enough for a lifetime. I’m sure Eren thinks the same way.”

“Eren?”

“Yes. I heard him once saying that, if he could, he’d kill him himself with his bare hands.”

Despite the situation, Levi smiled. The kid had some courage, the sparkle in his eyes shone brightly, even if it dimed at times. With that in mind, he finally decided on what to do. He pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a quick message. Then he got up and extended his hand to help Hange up. “Let’s go back now.”

-x-x-x-

“And as expected, this case is closed until further notice, and any information that comes through us will be redirected to the Federal Agency while the investigation runs its course. Understood?” The agents nodded when Nile finished his speech, and then he dismissed them.

Outside in the hallway, Erwin stopped Levi and brought him to an empty office. Levi crossed his arms and waited for his friend to start talking.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“I’m not sure what you mean, eyebrows.”

“Zackly was found dead this morning with a letter detailing his crimes. Do you expect me to believe that it was a simple suicide?”

“Maybe the bastard grew a conscience over the past days and decided to do a favor to the world.”

“Levi…”

“Listen, I don’t care, okay? I wish the man would’ve swallowed his fucking tongue, but I didn’t get my wish, so this is better than nothing. Now, if you don’t have more inquires, I’d like to go.”

Erwin didn’t try to stop Levi this time.

-x-x-x-

It was liberating for both men to know that the source of their pain was already gone.

While Levi continued with his job, Eren was able to move on. With the help of the SC and recommended by Petra, he was accepted into the State University where he would major in psychology. He had a strict schedule, going to classes, working at the animal shelter, therapy with Petra, etc. But he felt freer than ever. Also, he was authorized to find a place for himself instead of living under Hange’s roof, not that he wasn’t grateful, on the contrary, but he wanted to regain the control over his life, and since he couldn’t afford a big house or an apartment, he was happy to live in a shared house with other students that allowed him to move in with Titan.

Levi closed the door behind him and placed the last door on Eren’s bed. He had offered to help him to move to his new house. Luckily, he didn’t have much back at Hange’s place, so the moving was quick.

“Anything else, kid?”

“No, and I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, young adult, then.”

“Levi! I’m serious,” the pout on Eren’s face didn’t help him, and Levi chuckled, looking fondly at Eren. In the past months, he had grown some more, and Levi had to stretch his neck more to look at him. He also gained some weight, filling his muscles nicely, and the brat let his hair grow, so he wore it in a small bun.

“You’re a cute shit, you know that?” Levi chuckled at Eren’s blush. “Well, I’ll leave you to settle down, call me if you need anything.”

“Levi, wait!” Eren grabbed him by the shoulder, and Levi looked at him inquisitively. Eren didn’t say anything for a moment, but his eyes moved from Levi’s to his lips. The blush that was already set on his cheeks, deepened, and Levi was about to make a teasing comment when a pair of lips landed on his.

To say that he was shocked, was an understatement, he just froze, and didn’t have the time to react when Eren pulled apart slightly, only to change the angle of his head, to press his lips against Levi’s once more. But this time, Levi did react, pushing him away with probably more force than needed. He turned away, rubbing his hands over his face, trying to calm his beating heart. “Fuck kid, why did you do that?” Levi whispered, feeling somewhat conflicted after Eren’s kiss. Maybe it had been an impulse, right? Or a way to thank him for what he did for the kid. But he could almost hear Hange’s obnoxious laughter, confirming him that, yes, the kid liked him. “fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“I’m really sorry, Levi,” the boy apologized, sitting on his bed, looking at his feet. “I thought you’d finally see me as something more than a kid now that I moved out. But clearly, I was wrong.” When Levi remained in silence, Eren took a shaky breath, “I-I like you, okay? And don’t say it’s just a crush, because I’ve known you for almost two years and this feeling hasn’t changed. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same, just tell me that I didn’t fuck up our friendship, and let’s forget about this, please, Levi?”

But Levi couldn’t simply forget it or pretend that it didn’t happen. Sure, Eren’s confession caught him by surprise, but he’d be lying if he said he never thought about Eren as more than just a kid, and that thought left him feeling restless in the past. Regaining his composure, he sat by Eren’s side, frowning when the kid flinched.

“Eren, I’m too old for this shit, so I really want your full honesty here, okay? No half-truths,” when Eren nodded, Levi continued, “Why would you like an old man like me?”

Eren snorted at the comment, and his lips curled up slightly, “You’re not old, Levi, 32 years old isn’t old.”

“That doesn’t answer me shit, Eren.”

“I don’t have a reason to like someone, do I?” At the impassive look on the older man’s face, Eren elaborated, “what I mean is, I don’t have a reason, you can’t control it when you fall for someone. Because, honestly, you’re not the hero I kind of envisioned the first time I saw you after you and Erwin rescued me from that place. You’re crude, a clean freak -no offense-, and your shitty jokes are, well, shit.”

Levi slapped the back of Eren’s head, looking mildly offended, “Oi, brat! That’s not how you woo someone. Do I need to teach you that, too? Even Erwin did better with that giant bloodhound when he proposed.”

“And that’s exactly what I’m trying to say!” Eren threw his hands up, a bit exasperated, “I got to know you, the real you, with your flaws and all, and I still like you. You want a reason? Well, I find you attractive. And you make me feel safe. And you make some killer eggs in the morning, frankly, I’m gonna miss my breakfast.”

It was Levi’s turn to blush at Eren’s confession, and that was laughable, a grown man like him shouldn’t get all blushy because of a few compliments from a brat.

“Levi, if you let me, I-.”

“No. The answer is no,” Levi cut him off, but upon realizing his harshness and Eren’s trembling lower lip, he added, “Not yet. Look, you’re young, and you’re starting your life. You have all the opportunities in the world to find what makes you happy, and I won’t stop you. We met under difficult circumstances, and we haven’t known each other outside of them. So, this is what I can offer you. You’re going to do your thing, and I’ll do mine. Explore a little, make friends, have dates, you know, all that crap. And if in two years you still feel the same, then I’d be happy to give it a try.”

Eren’s pensive face betrayed the disappointment that he felt, but Levi’s offer didn’t sound too bad. If that gave him a chance to be close to the older man, he’d happily take it. “And what about you? What if you find someone else during that time?”

“We’ll cross that bridge when the time comes.”

“That doesn’t answer me shit,” Eren mimicked Levi’s tone, earning himself another slap in the back of the head. “Fine. I get it.”

“I mean it, Eren. Go outside and live your life at its fullest. I’ll be here when you’re ready,” Levi’s soft voice made Eren smile, and without a second thought, he leaned his head against Levi’s shoulder. Although the height difference made the position a bit difficult, Eren didn’t mind in the slightest. slightest.

“Levi?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Don’t be greedy, kid.”

“Jeez, a hug at least?”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound bad.”

-x-x-x-

The house was completely submerged in shadows when Levi finally arrived. That wasn’t a good sign, but the silence was somehow reassuring. In the past, when something triggered Eren’s fears, he could hear his voice screaming to the front door, or the loud barking of Titan. from the inside. He took off his shoes and jacket and was about to look out for Eren, but Titan came running to greet him, stopping in front of him as he had learned not to try to jump and tackle him down as a greeting. At least, Levi knew he wouldn’t be tackled down by a giant beast every night after work.

He petted the dog’s head and followed him to the living room, and there, in the middle of the room, found Eren in the same position that he had been for the past two hours. He came up to Eren, sat by his side, taking in the way the moon and the streetlights illuminated his face. Eren seemed lost in thought, but his hand found Levi’s, and cradled it against his chest, quickly forgetting Levi’s shirt. When the dog returned to his owner’s side and Eren didn’t seem to react, Levi knew he needed to be careful while approaching the boy.

With soft movements, he approached Eren and kneeled in front of him. “Eren, baby, can you hear me?”

“How do you feel, bright eyes?” Levi asked, using his favorite pet name for Eren. Eren shrugged, and Levi moved his gaze down their intertwined hands, noticing the harsh lines on Eren’s arms, caused after scratching himself repeatedly. “Do you want me to call Petra?” Eren shook his head, “then, are you hungry? I can fix you a quick dinner,” another negative, and Levi was running out of options. “Can I at least hug you?” At that, Eren gave an affirmative nod, and Levi released a sigh of relief.

While the dog put his head over his paws, observing his owners Levi's arms circled Eren’s shoulders, and his boyfriend leaned against his torso, resting his head on Levi’s chest, and the older man peppered kisses over his forehead. Some minutes passed, and the tension abandoned Eren’s body, feeling protected between Levi’s arms.

“I came home and took a nap, and when I woke up, I was disoriented,” Eren explained, “for a moment, I feel like all these years had been a dream, and that I was back in that place. I was terrified to even imagine that everything I have was gone, that you were gone.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here, baby.”

“No, no, don’t apologize. You’ve done more than enough for me already. The rest is all on myself.” Levi didn’t argue with Eren, and he felt proud of him, of all that he had overcome, and the way he had matured over the years.

Holding the younger man’s chin with utter care, Levi lifted Eren’s face, looking at him with adoration. Then, he leaned down, kissing his boyfriend’s lips, a gesture that Eren returned in an instant. “Fuck, Eren. You have no idea how much I love you,” hearing those words, always filled Eren with warmth.

“Not as much as I love you, babe,” Eren responded, leaning in for another kiss, that he interrupted with a yawn.

Levi snickered, and shook his head, fondly, “Heh, such a cute shit you are.”

#ereri #riren #snk #levi x eren #snk fanfiction #my fics #thanks nonnie!

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highly-opinionated-nerd · 5 years

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Hello! First, I love your writing! It's so good! Second, do you have any other gintama fusion ideas or just gintoshi because I'd love to see more in your style! Obviously, if you're working on other things it's fine, but I wanted to let you know how cool I think the thought you put into them is and I'd love to see more!

Oh my gosh, hi! Hello! Thank you so much for the kind words, I’m so glad that you liked Gintoshi. I had tons of fun writing that fic. So much fun, in fact, that I later went on to write a whole 54 chapters of platonic One Piece fusions, so! I definitely agree, platonic fusions are the BOMB. As of this point in time I am working on other things, and I don’t really have any plans to write any Ao3-worthy Gintama fusions, but that definitely doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about them. You can have these bullet point rambles, though:

I think I mentioned this in the Gintoshi fic itself, but the various members of the Shinsengumi have definitely fused before. Right? I mean, no matter your views about platonic vs romantic fusion, there’s no denying that it’s an instant power-up, and those boys do a lot of fighting. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, and by that I mean swallow your pride and agree to fuse with your coworker so you’ll both live to see another day.

Hijikata+Kondo (Hijikondo? Konhiji? Konkata??? Names are hard) is pretty stable, pretty chill. “Awkward older cousin who wants to be supportive but doesn’t know you that well and is kinda shy” vibes. But he’s also the very epitome of Lawful Good. He’ll turn on you in a second if he even thinks you’re gonna do or have already done something illegal. And you don’t want him as an enemy, because he can and will lift you with one hand and toss you like a ragdoll.

Hijikata+Okita you also don’t want as an enemy, but unfortunately for you you don’t really have a choice because to him, EVERYONE is an enemy. He’s definitely a more unstable fusion, but one of those ones that you have to work to talk into unfusing. If left to his own devices, he’ll just start swinging until there’s no one left to swing at. The very, very few people he trusts completely (Kondo, Matsuraida, Mitsuba) have his unfailing loyalty though, and if one of them said ‘go jump off a bridge’, he would. Basically what I’m trying to get across is that he acts more on instinct than actual intellect if that makes sense

Kondo+Okita is somewhere between those two extremes. In my head he’s actually kind of similar to Zenzou, the ninja guy??? A sort of scruffy, chaotically unpredictable guy who doesn’t care as much about protecting the law as he does about protecting himself and his people

In one of these ‘fuse to get out of the fight’ situations, Hijikata tried to fuse with Yamazaki. It Did Not Work. They were not compatible. There may have been a few small scale explosions as a result. They never tried to do that again.

Similarly, Gintoki definitely fused with the rest of the Joui Four during the amanto invasion. He’s most stable with Zura, but has no trouble fusing with Sakamoto. He and Takasugi were always a bit more unstable, but again, a terrifying enemy to have in battle if they ever shared a common interest long enough to fuse about it.

I’m a sucker for platonic fusion as a way of coping with angsty situations, and to express feelings that you have difficulty putting words to, so I like to think that they (the Joui 4) also fused in noncombat situations. As a show of solidarity and support. Gin and Zura probably still do, every now and then.

Once (one singular time) all four of them fused together at once. It was an act of sheer desperation, and it really took a toll out of them all mentally and physically, but the amanto never suffered a loss so dear as they did that day.

Kagura and Shinpachi can fuse more easily with each other than either of them can with Gin. He has too much weight on his shoulders, things he doesn’t want them to see. Kagura+Shinpachi is a lighthearted, sweet person, in my head, and I love them

There are tons more possibilities for fusions when you look at the rest of the cast of characters: Gin+Zenzou, Shinpachi+Yamazaki, Otae+Kyuubei, Tsukuyo+Hinowa (!!!), Kagura+Soyo (!!!!!!!!!!!). Really as long as there is touch and intent to fuse, even if it’s just the unconscious need to share your thoughts or feelings with someone else, anyone can fuse. You get to smash the two (or three, or more!) characters together and decide which elements of their individual designs are present in the fusion, which is GREAT fun. I think everyone should try it at some point, it’s awesome.

BONUS bullet point here at the end to make a small confession...there’s always two parts to the fics I write: the stuff that I think is acceptable for publication to the world at large, and the stuff that will only ever exist inside my head. The latter category is mainly stuff that I decided was too far out of character, too far removed from canon, toooooo self-indulgent to be published and taken seriously by anyone. But I almost, almost included a second part to the Gintoshi fic in which Hijikata was seriously injured (I always seem to do this to Hijikata...baby I’m so sorry) and Gintoki fused with him as a way to save his life. Kondo and Okita and Shinpachi and Kagura and whoever else happened to be around rushed him to the hospital, of course. Once there, the doctors told him to unfuse so they could treat Hijikata, and he refused. Gintoki, specifically, refused, because he was worried that Hijikata wouldn’t make it if he separated from him, and that thought really panicked him. Eventually he does, and Hijikata gets stitches and medicine or whatever else he needs. The doctors come back the next morning to follow up and they find Gintoshi there again, stubbornly refusing to unfuse. Again. Anyway, ideally that scenario would lead up to the two of them realizing their romantic feelings for each other, and there’d be a big confession scene and they’d spend all their free time as Gintoshi from then on. Ideally for me, at least, haha!

ANYWAY anyway, in conclusion, fusions are good. Thank you so much again, anon, for your compliments and for giving me a chance to blather on for a little while about a subject that is near and dear to my heart ❤️

#gintama #fusions #answered #CAN NOT BELIEVE I got an unsolicited ask #ANON I LOVE YOU #THANKS

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traincat · 7 years

Note

Thoughts on who the woman on the cover of 2-in-1 #5 might be? Issue #3 mentions a mysterious woman who says she can help but like who is she?????

This being the cover in question – short answer is, I don’t know. She doesn’t look to me like any particular Fantastic Four character on first glance; if the hair were darker, I’d say they were somehow doing my beloved Alyssa Moy justice, but no, seems she’s still a crushed brain and/or a robot her unnecessary boyfriend constructed. Justice for Alyssa Moy. Anyway, based on just that glance, I’d wager she’s a new character.

But. But. There’s one other scenario that occurs to me. I think it’s pretty unlikely, but I’m going to talk about it anyway, because:

And I’m sorry anon, but I’m going to use this answer to finally write my updated meta on this subject of Lyja, the Skrull Johnny unknowingly married while she was in the guise of Alicia Masters, tackling the nature of the retcon, some really bad writing, and the truly baffling reaction to this from future comics only doubling down on the creep factor. Warnings for discussions of rape.

But Traincat, you might say, didn’t you talk about this for like six hours on Stormcast? Yes, I would answer, that unfortunately just led to more thoughts on the subject, as I had to reread the issues in question.

All 100+ of them.

See, this is actually the storyline that got me to read All of Fantastic Four, where before I had mostly been bouncing around post-Heroes Reborn (everything south of 1998) and the original Lee/Kirby run. And I have problems discussing this storyline, because it makes me uncomfortable in a number of ways. First because I find this storyline, and more importantly the way it eventually played out, deeply uncomfortable, in part because it refuses to ever let itself confront how deeply uncomfortable it is. It’s always pulling back from the edge in way that seems hollow and more than a little victim blame-y. Second, because of my own personal paranoia issues, this is like, my literal nightmare scenario, although I think that’s the least important aspect of my discomfort with it. It’s very unlikely I’ll accidentally marry an alien spy, but trust me I’m on the lookout for the regular variety.

Third, because of the misogyny that is frequent in fandom, I’m often uncomfortable criticizing female characters in love interest roles, which was how the character was initially presented to me and how in fact most canon after the fact treats the character, however, I am going to suggest, erroneously they do so. But Lyja isn’t a Karen Page, Mary Jane Watson, or a Gwen Stacy, and my criticisms are not grounded in her perceived worth as a romantic partner for Favorite Male Character. More over, Lyja doesn’t exist out of context of this relationship. Her only appearances center around it. And another important aspect is that I don’t even think you can properly view Lyja as one character, because half of Lyja’s appearances aren’t, strictly, actually Lyja. The character at the time the comics were being written was not intended to be her, and so you enter a weird stretch of canon where I, at least, because of the way I read comics, have to simultaneously examine it two ways: pre-retcon and post-retcon.

A retcon is, by definition, a piece of new information that imposes a different interpretation on previously described events, typically used to facilitate a dramatic plot shift or account for an inconsistency. In this case the retcon was used for the former, and actually, I think it works quite well for its purposes. It’s just that it tells one story and then refuses to commit to it.

But to backtrack. I’d been vaguely aware of Lyja for a while before I decided to sit down and read this from the beginning, mostly through fandom osmosis and the Marvel wiki. She was always presented to me as an actual love interest who, if they had a particularly melodramatic plot, at least also had a real relationship with Johnny. This, I’m going to argue, is not the case, not in the least because when discussing this you actually have to discuss three completely different relationships: the originally intended Alicia-as-Alicia and Johnny, the retconned Lyja-pretending-to-be-Alicia and Johnny, and Lyja-as-Lyja and Johnny.

But to start at the very beginning, Johnny and Alicia, who would later be retconned into Lyja, began a romance during John Byrne’s run on Fantastic Four, following Ben’s decision to stay in space after the initial Secret Wars. It’s a time of emotional upheaval within the team: Ben’s left the team, replaced by She-Hulk, and Sue’s just suffered a miscarriage.

Here, in Fantastic Four #267, Johnny and Alicia embrace in the hospital. Like I said above, there’s two ways to look at every Johnny/Alicia scene before the retcon: with the intent with it was originally written, and how the retcon reframes it. The original scene is lovely, actually – Johnny and Alicia, two of the closest people to Ben and Sue, embracing in the hospital and leaning on each other in their grief.

With the retcon, it becomes something very different. This is canonically Lyja’s first one-on-one contact with Johnny. Her mission is in shambles – Alicia was specifically picked, it would be revealed after the retcon, to be replaced under the belief that an agent masquerading as one of the Four would be discovered, but a Skrull disguised as Alicia, one of the closest people to the Four, might be able to slip detection. But if Ben isn’t part of the team, the role of his girlfriend becomes less valuable. She won’t be able to get as close to the Fantastic Four as her mission requires unless Lyja manages to ingratiate herself some other way. Reed and Sue are a married couple who just suffered the loss of their child – they’re too complicated. She-Hulk’s also a newcomer, so cozying up to her as a confidante doesn’t provide much security. Johnny’s the obvious target – and he’s vulnerable. He’s missing Ben and grieving for his lost niece. What starts as a bittersweet scene of two friends comforting each other becomes, with the retcon, a moment where Johnny’s grief and emotional vulnerability is used against him.

Cut for length.

(Fantastic Four #358, the issue immediately after the Lyja reveal.)

Maybe the thing about this retcon and the subsequent handling of it that bothers me is that it actually really works. If you look at it with the retcon in place, it doesn’t feel out of place even though I’m sure it was hastily cobbled together – there’s only one issue’s worth of build up to tip the reader off that something’s wrong before the “Alicia” Johnny married is revealed to be a Skrull. But if you’re going to pull a twist as dramatic as this, you need to commit to it, and address how dark this is, and how every aspect of Johnny’s life was violated for the sake of Lyja’s mission – and, later, violated all over again because Lyja wanted to continue the relationship, heedless of Johnny’s wishes.

In Fantastic Four #275, we’re shown the aftermath of Johnny and Alicia’s first time together:

This is, for the record, more or less the closest thing there is in canon to a Johnny Storm sex scene, which is odd for a character who’s often categorized first and foremost as a womanizer: a morning after scene where he does, in fact, seem regretful, or at the very least uncomfortable. It’s interesting to think about that aspect with the retcon in place. Is Johnny uncomfortable because he feels on some level that something is off? It’s a strange scene with or without the retcon (John Byrne both wrote and drew this stretch of Fantastic Four, so you can’t blame a writer-artist disconnect). Without the retcon, it certainly seems like he’s trying to back out of the relationship, but Alicia isn’t on the same wavelength, and with it, “we’re neither of us children” is a very manipulative line from Lyja. She knows from a previous discussion before they got together that Johnny’s youth is something he’s self-conscious about, that he doesn’t really feel “adult.” (Alicia, for the record, is at least a few years older than Johnny. Byrne identifies her as having met the Fantastic Four when she was 19, but then Byrne also retconned a large gap in between Reed and Sue, and introduced Ben’s famed Aunt Petunia as a woman much younger than her husband.)

Johnny/Alicia, pre-retcon, is a strange relationship. There’s a lot of big romantic talk, but very little chemistry between the characters, and I have to confess: I think this was always about Ben, and the betrayal Ben feels when he comes back to Earth and finds that Alicia, his on-again, off-again one true love, and Johnny, the closest thing he has to a younger brother, have gotten together.

There is this panel where Johnny talks about how in love he is, and how he’s never felt this way before…

… but it’s hard to take it seriously as something special when this is not unusual for him at the beginning of a relationship, flame-heart and everything:

I once went looking for what John Byrne thought of the retcon without much luck, but I did turn up an interview where he said that, while the characters hadn’t told him where they were going yet, he didn’t think he would have married Johnny and Alicia when he left the book with Fantastic Four #294, which is curious when there’s a scene where Johnny seems about to propose before he’s interrupted by Fantastic Four business.

That being said, the timing of Byrne’s departure didn’t leave much choice but to get Johnny and Alicia married – there were only six issues until Fantastic Four #300, and any time there’s a hundred issue mark, you want a big story like a wedding. And the marriage is where things get tricky, both, I think, from a storytelling perspective and from a common problem with larger canons and fandom osmosis. If you say two characters were married, it implies certain things: that they were in love, at least. The problem being that Johnny and Alicia never had real chemistry, not like Ben and Alicia do and not like Johnny and Ben do. Because, as I’ve said – this was always kind of about Ben.

Alicia: Sometimes, when we touch, I can’t help but think of Ben.Johnny: Oh thank God it’s not just me.

Whenever a post-retcon comic tries to treat Johnny and Lyja’s relationship as a normal comic book romance, they usually use the marriage in defense of that, calling Lyja Johnny’s estranged wife, but leaving aside the fact that Johnny didn’t know who he was actually marrying, that implies that the marriage was happy and stable. Which it wasn’t.

From almost the very beginning, there were problems. Shortly after the wedding, Reed and Sue decide to leave the team and the superhero lifestyle so they can better focus on raising Franklin. Ben, the new leader of the team, is tasked with finding their replacements. His first pick is Sharon “Ms. Marvel” Ventura, another plotline I could scream for one hundred years about for a badly handled rape subplot, and his second is Crystal, Johnny’s first real love. Crystal is at this time recently separated from Quicksilver, who she’d left Johnny for, and Ben partially does this with the intention of putting strain on Johnny and Alicia’s marriage.

This is five issues after the wedding. Johnny and Alicia only returned from their honeymoon an issue before. If you have to keep the fictional romantic relationship you’re writing interesting by introducing a new love triangle just five issues after the wedding, then you’ve got a problem with the relationship you’re writing.

The thing is, Ben’s scheme almost works – from the start, Crystal’s presence shakes Johnny up and makes him doubt his relationship with Alicia. If you did a shot for every time he thinks, in anguish, “I love my wife” like he’s trying to convince himself, you’d get pretty drunk. But Johnny’s always been depicted as pretty intensely monogamous – cheating isn’t something he does, despite the character’s in-and-out of universe reputation. So he and Crystal just pine dramatically at each other until she leaves the team.

There’s a lot to unpack in the newlywed issues – not in the least the fact that, despite their married status, we never see Johnny and Alicia in bed together, not even in a non-sexual context. If you compare them to Peter Parker and Mary Jane Watson, who were also married in 1987, the difference is shocking:

The comics leave no doubt that the Parkers were sleeping together, but Johnny and Alicia? The only real evidence on page they’re having sex is that when Lyja initially lies about the baby, Johnny certainly seems to think it’s possible. Again I note the lack of chemistry between Johnny and Alicia in the early days. They’re almost laughably unsexy, especially for a pair of newlyweds, moving into their own apartment only to move back to the Baxter Building (and back with Johnny’s family) almost immediately. There’s a real lacking sense of intimacy between them, coupled with Johnny’s emotional affair with Crystal. Then there’s the entirety of Fantastic Four #332 where, while captured by rogue Watcher and held unconscious, Johnny dreams of his perfect world, wherein – and I’m not joking about any of this – he dreams that Franklin unintentionally used his reality warping powers to make Alicia love Johnny instead of Ben, ultimately undoing the changes and reuniting Ben and Alicia.

“He – made us fall in love–!” “He made us get married – live together –!”

With or without the retcon in place, Johnny’s obviously unhappy in his marriage. It’s interesting to think of this issue as him subconsciously recognizing that he’s being manipulated, but unable to pinpoint the source of that manipulation. He knows he’s been forced into the marriage, but he doesn’t know how. But this issue makes it very clear that at least subconsciously, he feels forced.

If the marriage had been working in the story, they never would have pulled the retcon and revealed Johnny was married to a Skrull impostor. But it wasn’t, and there’s a problem with Johnny and divorce – which is simply that he’s never broken up with anyone before in his life. (Literally, he’s never ended one of his relationships.) If you view his expressing regret in FF #257 as a clumsy attempt at it, then you can see how quickly that got shut down. Johnny is the unhappy party in the relationship, but he would feel like getting a divorce would be a failure – instead he dreams up a scenario where Alicia was never REALLY in love with him at all.

Besides, it’s not DRAMATIC to have them just say the marriage wasn’t working and call it off. It’s a comic book! It’s supposed to be aliens and clones and robots! I actually don’t think the retcon in itself is bad. It’s everything that comes after it.

In Fantastic Four #356, the cracks begin to show. (The reveal of the retcon is very sudden; I’m going to assume that the decision was made as of the writing of this issue.) “Alicia” expresses her doubt at being able to fix a melted sculpture and is unable to recognize her stepfather, the Puppet Master. In #357, Reed invents a machine that would register the specific brainwaves of the inhabitants of the Baxter Building yadda yadda to prevent intruders and “Alicia” reacts with hostility.

“I would prefer to have Johnny and me move out of here… than to subject myself to a needless health risk!”

This bit has always been very telling to me: with her assumed identity under threat, Lyja threatens to separate Johnny from his family if they don’t comply with her wishes. This would also be why she tells Johnny she has some “news” for him (implying that she’s pregnant) before Ben and the Puppet Master reveal her identity: she can tell him she’s pregnant, then say the Baxter Building is dangerous. New York is dangerous. They should go somewhere else. She’s lived with him for a while now; she knows he doesn’t have any solid support network aside from his family. If he’s cut off from that, he’s essentially isolated, an even easier victim.

(When Lyja says she loves Johnny, I believe the character’s declarations to be genuine. There’s certainly no conflicting statements that say otherwise. And it makes sense that she would love him. Lyja in her own way is a victim – she was selected for the mission because of a failed relationship with her commanding officer. She was told she would be playing the part of Ben’s girlfriend. She was doubtlessly made to expect a monster, since the Skrulls view the Fantastic Four as their enemies – instead she ended up with Johnny, who is warm and kind and sweet. At this point in the story I don’t think she wanted to isolate him specifically to be cruel, just that she saw the end coming and wanted to preserve things as long as possible. But his continued fantasizing about being with other people, coupled with his anguished declarations that he has to honor his vows as a superhero, don’t exactly spell reciprocation of these feelings when you look at them up close, and he was manipulated into this relationship for ulterior motives, and it doesn’t negate that what Lyja attempted to do to preserve her assumed identity was abusive on top of the way she’d already infiltrated his life. Lyja can love Johnny and do terrible things to him, which, intentionally or unintentionally, was what was written.)

Anyway, yadda yadda, Ben and Alicia’s stepfather reveal Lyja’s Skrull status, Lyja says she’s pregnant with Johnny’s baby, the Fantastic Four and Lyja go to space to rescue the real Alicia from where she’s been held in suspended animation by the Skrulls, a battle ensues and Lyja appears to die, confessing with her last breath to Johnny that she’d lied about being pregnant. For the sake of the argument, I will note that Johnny says he loves her as she’s “dying” – but to be fair, he thinks she’s dying, and he’s barely had time to process everything, as evidenced by the fact that when they recover the real Alicia, he still attempts to act like her husband, even knowing he was never married to her. I think it’s fair to say he’s in shock and I don’t think you can take that statement of love as solid proof of his romantic feelings towards Lyja specifically, given all of the other evidence. The Fantastic Four return to Earth with the real Alicia, and publicly announce her sudden divorce from Johnny, since of course she was never involved with him and is in fact still in love with Ben. Alicia is notably traumatized by the swap – Lyja sold her apartment, her works. Alicia canonically feels violated by the incident, and I have got to say, her reactions are some of the few during this period that feel realistic.

“All of my old clothes – everything I’ve ever owned – was tainted by that alien! You can’t imagine the sense of violation I feel!”

Johnny enrolls in ESU and tries to move on with his life. Except this is comics, so, haha, nice try. Lyja, not dead after all, violently attacks Johnny on the ESU campus, attempting to murder him for “abandoning” her and “their baby”, which she now claims is real. In the ensuing battle, Johnny’s forced to go Nova to save his life, and in the process he burns down the ESU campus.

If you’re familiar with Johnny, you know that this is his worst fear realized: his control stripped, his powers doing immense damage. He can’t be sure at this point that he HASN’T burned hundreds of innocents to death. (It is conveniently stated later than, somehow, no one was hurt in the sudden explosion, but that’s always felt very handwave-y.)

When Johnny’s taken into police custody, he sees Lyja in the crowd and panics since after all she did just try to kill him. Afraid for his life – afraid of her – he flames on and escapes police custody, ending up a fugitive for a matter of time. At a certain point, Lyja ends up allied with the Four. Why would they allow this? It’s difficult to say. Because she claims she’s carrying Johnny’s baby. Because Reed is distracted with other matters. Because Sue’s evil Malice persona is starting to reassert itself. Because Ben’s secretly so grateful the real Alicia didn’t actually marry Johnny. Because, frankly, at this point in time: the writing is just not very good.

Okay, like. It’s hard to tell at this point what Lyja honestly believes. She’s been surgically altered without her consent, given laser powers and been implanted with an egg she would, after its removal from her, convince Johnny was their child but was actually a monster designed to kill the Fantastic Four. Honestly, I’m not going to read this part again, and it’s NOT crystal clear within the main Fantastic Four text, but I do believe at one point Lyja may have genuinely believed herself pregnant before the truth was revealed to her, but either way she knew significantly before the hatching and intentionally chose not to tell Johnny in order to be close to him. She definitely knew before she “gave birth”, even going so far as to punish him for being taken aback by the egg.

“My new friend here is more attentive and more attractive than you ever were!”

The writing here suffers from two things. First, there’s a lot of showing and not telling. We never SEE Johnny reacting badly to the egg, only thinking wistfully of how it’ll be nice to hold his child when it hatches. Second, I suspect the creative team had very little planned ahead and were making things up as they went along, and that they hadn’t yet decided WHAT was in the egg, hence Lyja’s very vague “I MUST tell him the TRUTH” statements to herself. (She does not tell him the truth.)

It also might explain the truly baffling writing decisions in a Namor comic published during the egg baby period: in it, a shapeshifter disguises herself as Sue to sleep with Namor. When Namor discovers what has happened, he – and everyone else, both the characters and the narrative – are very clear on the fact that Namor was raped by this shapeshifter. All of this happens with Lyja and Johnny standing right there, and the comic doesn’t even seem to realize the problem. Lyja even weeps over the fact that her fake egg baby could have been harmed, which could, of course, be explained at the time that the creative team on Fantastic Four hadn’t decided that the baby was for sure a fake yet.

That being said, the baby WAS confirmed to be a fake, one that Lyja definitely knew about at this point, and everything that came before has to now be viewed with that light. And it’s disturbing to me that neither Johnny’s family nor the book itself ever treats Lyja like his rapist, even when the same situation is applied to a different character. At worst it treats her as obsessed with him, but in a harmless sort of way. But that wasn’t what was written when you actually look at it. She explicitly used the egg – which actually housed a dangerous monster – as an excuse to violate his space, to be close to him when she knew otherwise he wouldn’t want to be around her.

“After months of bitterness, you and I had finally found some warmth. Was it so wrong to crave that?”

In a word? Yes.

I’ve always liked this scene, as much as I guess I can like any of this stretch of Fantastic Four, in #392, where Johnny finally explodes. “Did you honestly expect we could ever have a life together?”

(This is one of the reasons I find it hard to read comics in the MC2 continuity; I’m trying to have a good time reading about Peter and MJ’s teenage daughter and every once in a while it gets shoved in my face again that, oh yeah, this is the continuity where they decided to have Johnny married to his rapist and stalker.)

But Johnny’s anger towards Lyja – for invading his life, for lying about a baby in order to be close to him not once but twice, for violating every aspect of his life – is treated as almost childish by not only Lyja, but also by Sue, who tells Lyja she’s welcome to stay at the Baxter Building even when Lyja’s lies and her refusal to let Johnny go have chased Johnny from team and from his family in order to get away from her.

But Lyja doesn’t stay at the Baxter Building. Instead, she creates a new identity to follow Johnny, first just around New York:

And then out to Oklahoma, where he’s accompanied ESU student’s Bridget O’Neill’s archaeology dig as an excuse to catch up with his friend Wyatt Wingfoot.

Stalking! Extremely possessive behavior! How romantic! And by “how romantic” I mean yikes. It’s kind of unbelievable to me that anyone wrote this without the narrative explicitly condemning Lyja’s actions – but it doesn’t. If anything, it treats it as quirky. But the idea that someone could attack you, lie to you, attempt to manipulate you – and then turn around and start stalking you, wearing an entirely different face, when you refuse to continue to let them in your life is completely horrifying.

I think part of the reason this might all be so weird is because it was written by men who a) felt uncomfortable that they’d written a male character, especially one like Johnny, whose youth and emotional vulnerability are often played up, as the victim in this narrative and tried, unsuccessfully, to pull away from it instead of following it to any logical conclusion b) can’t really imagine this kind of violence being perpetuated against them as men, or, if they can, find something titillating about the idea of a beautiful woman committing it or c) buy completely into the fantasy of having a hot alien chick obsessed with you, ignoring everything else in favor of that, like this Mark Millar interview seems to imply:

That’s the least Johnny dilemma of all time, by the way, in that it is a description of Peter and Felicia’s early relationship, but moving on.

Lyja, under the subtly-named guise of Laura Greene, proceeds to date Johnny in her new identity, while simultaneously working with the Fantastic Four as herself, and it’s not any less bizarrely written or creepy than the rest of this, not in the least because while several other characters discover Laura Greene’s dual identity, no one tells Johnny. Not Ben. Not Psychic Teen Franklin (long story):

“And if I tell him… it means betraying her trust!”

He’s your uncle, Psychic Teen Franklin, and I’m pretty sure telling him he’s been tricked into unknowingly dating his stalker overrules that, but okay.

Roberta, the Fantastic Four’s robotic receptionist, goes through this twice in both Fantastic Four and Avengers Unplugged:

“I hate having to date Johnny this clandestine manner, but if he knew I was really his shape-shifting ex-wife, he would never see me!”

I am going to scream.

It’s totally cool that Reed built a robot receptionist with sensors delicate enough to catch any impostor who might slip by, but apparently never installed anything like an ethics routine.

“Curse you, Johnny Storm, for making me sneak around this way!!”

That’s right, it’s apparently Johnny’s fault Lyja has taken on an entirely new identity in order to keep herself in his life when he told her in no uncertain terms they had no future together after she took the form of his friend in order to spy on his family, used his grief over the death of his niece to get close to him, married him in that guise without his knowledge of her real identity, attempted to separate him from family, tried to kill him, causing him to burn down a campus in order to save his life, and lied not once but twice about a baby, once when what the “baby” actually was was a monster designed to kill both him and his family. Totally weird how he doesn’t want her in his life. Look, the writing here is atrocious, but that doesn’t stop this from being spectacularly victim blaming behavior.

Another weird thing about this period is how, while Johnny and “Laura” are dating, she doesn’t really seem to like him, at least not how he is, criticizing his attempts to compliment her:

“Trite, simple-minded and unimaginative – but, still, rather sweet!”

And, bizarrely, almost emulating her life as “Alicia”, dismissing his suggestion of a movie as “pedestrian” and instead suggesting they go to a sculpture gallery, where Johnny is clearly uncomfortable:

Not that this period of comics seemed particularly concerned with realistic emotional reactions, but being in a sculpture gallery would have to dredge up unpleasant feelings for Johnny. Nevertheless, Lyja pushes for it, even when he expresses his discomfort.

tl;dr, because we’re getting to the end of this, eventually Johnny discovers Laura is Lyja. It’s wrapped up very quickly, because there’s a world-threatening crisis going on. To sum it up, the Fantastic Four and the Avengers would after this be trapped for a period of time in a pocket universe created by Franklin Richards. Lyja was not trapped with them, as they were essentially living out a reboot of their early days. When they returned to the main universe, Johnny remarks briefly on Lyja’s disappearance, but she wasn’t heard from again until the Secret Invasion event in 2008, more than ten years after her last appearance. (Secret Invasion fittingly involved a Skrull invasion force having been secretly planted on Earth for years.)

During Secret Invasion Lyja, in the guise of Sue, launches the Baxter Building (housing, at the time, Johnny, Ben, and the children) into the Negative Zone. When confronted by Johnny, who believed her to be Sue at the moment, she attempted to convince him that Ben had been replaced by a Skrull.

Okay, in the interests of ending this incredibly long post: what happens next is that they fight a Negative Zone inhabitant who attacks them, they kiss, it’s weird, Lyja blames Johnny for never contacting her, saying he could’ve looked up Laura Greene in the phone book, Johnny remains rightfully mad at Lyja, but is reluctant to leave her in the Negative Zone at the end.

The problem is still this initial scene. Lyja later says she took Johnny to the Negative Zone to protect him, as she’d been ordered by the Skrulls to kill him. But if that’s true – why try initially to trick him into believing she was Sue? Why try to convince him that Ben was a Skrull? What was she planning on doing if he’d bought it? Was the goal to take Ben out of the picture – again, to remove his support network and leave him alone with her? And the two comments on his intelligence – “[Thinking]’s not exactly your forte” and “You’re many things, Johnny, but genius is not one of them.” Part of my problem with Lyja is that ever since she made her initial return after her apparent death, there’s always been an edge of cruelty to her interactions with Johnny. She belittles him even as she repeatedly invades his life, essentially telling him he’s not good enough and also that he can’t escape. It’s an uncomfortable read on a lot of levels.

Lyja ultimately stays in the Negative Zone to find herself. It’s not a bad exit for the character, because the character does need to find herself beyond this incredibly toxic dynamic – if I could be sure it was the exit. I know Robinson had planned to bring her back had his run not been cancelled, and given how she’s addressed – by Johnny telling Ben he doesn’t think he’s ever been in love the way Ben and Alicia are, but that “his Alicia” is the closest he’s ever gotten – makes me doubt that all of the abuse was going to be, you know, actually addressed. (It also again frames Johnny’s marriage to “Alicia” as a happy one, and not one fraught with doubt and a deep, if never fully explored, desire on Johnny’s part to have it dissolved.)

Having written all of this, I do have to say I really doubt it’s Lyja and do think the “mystery woman” in question is probably a new character. It’s just 1) I live in fear and 2) Lyja was referenced at the beginning of Two-in-One #2, though likely just because as I’ve noted on other posts discussing Ben and Johnny’s recent separation, the beginning of the Johnny/”Alicia” relationship is the only other significant serious fight between Ben and Johnny.

tl;dr your local Traincat talks herself into a crisis over one line, then talks herself out of it while writing incredibly long reply anon probably wasn’t asking for. Lyja and Johnny’s relationship is not a romance and I would really like to stop seeing it framed as such and, instead of the weird revisionist history that seems to pop up regarding the character, I’d like for comics to admit that Johnny is the victim in this situation rather than doubling down on the “oh! The Human Torch! That playboy!” myth. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

#johnny storm #traincat talks comics #cw: rape//#long post/

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insomniaacs · 7 years

Text

Ruined - Sherlock x reader

A/N: Omg, I'm so sorry for taking so long with this guys!! I promise I'll be more active from now on! As always, enjoy X3

Requested by anon: Hey can you pls do a fic for Sherlock x reader where the reader is having a hard time forgetting about this lover who never loved her back, could maybe Sherlock help her look past that lover in anyway idk , thankx

Word count: 2863 Warnings: none

“She still hasn’t come out?” John asked worriedly, his eyes glued to the door to the room upstairs.

Mrs. Hudson shook her head grimly. “Not even for tea,” she replied solemnly, and John sighed tiredly.

He uncrossed his legs uncomfortably only to cross them again a few seconds later. His eyes were fixated on a specific spot on the carpet underneath his feet, and his fingers were drumming the armrest of his chair rhythmically.

“Would you mind?” Sherlock’s deep voice startled him, and John looked up to see his friend and former flatmate leafing through a thick, dusty book. His eyebrows were scrunched up, and his lips were pressed in a thin line in deep concentration.

John looked at him confusedly, “What?”

“The incessant tapping, John,” Sherlock stated obviously, looking up for a brief moment before sighing in frustration and going back to his book.

John scoffed, but did what he was told anyway.

He sighed. The room was silent again except for the noise of Mrs. Hudson doing something in the kitchen. It had been like this for a week now. You’d been refusing to eat and go out, and the only thing you’d done for the past few days was lie on your bed and sleep. John wasn’t even sure when you’d last taken a shower, much less left the comfort and darkness provided by your room.

Sherlock flipped another page of his book and John couldn’t help looking at his friend with a frown.

Throughout the whole week, he’d seemed completely unfazed. He hadn’t said a word regarding the subject, and hadn’t made any attempts to seek you out or try to talk to you like both John and Mrs. Hudson had so many times.

John sighed again. “Do you really not care at all?” he asked after a while, but silence was all that followed. It wasn’t until John forcefully cleared his throat that Sherlock finally looked at him, one eyebrow raised in innocent confusion.

“Oh. You were talking to me,” he said, and it sounded more like an affirmative than a question. “I'm sorry?” John grit his teeth.

“Do. You. Not. Care?” he asked again, his patience all but lost.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, please. Drop the act,” he scoffed, “I mean, aren’t you in any way affected by what’s happened?” John clarified, but felt like he didn’t emphasise the importance of it enough. “Don't you have the slightest bit of consideration for (Y/N)? Because that seems way too harsh, Sherlock, even for you.”

The man in question looked at him for a few moments before answering. His eyes were blank, devoid from any emotion, and John was momentarily taken aback by their coldness.

“Why should it affect me?” Sherlock asked, and John had to suppress the urge to swear. “Things like that happen all the time. Honestly, John, don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?"

That was it. He’d had enough. “Overreacting?” John repeated harshly, gripping the sides of his chair. “Over- oh my god,” he shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “(Y/N) has barely left her bed, you know? She’s been locked in her room for days, and all you can think about is this bloody ridiculous case of yours.” John practically yelled, his face reddening with rage. That seemed to do it for Sherlock, who snapped his book shut with such force that the noise echoed around the living room.

“She got dumped!” he countered in rage, standing up and tossing the book on the table beside him. “It’s not my concern how she decides to cope with it!” Sherlock yelled back and began retreating to his room, the corners of his lips turned down and his hands closed into fists.

John stood as well, looking at his back as he tried to control his breathing. “You know, Sherlock…” he said, his voice low and dangerous as opposed to the angry tone he had before. Sherlock stopped in the hallway, though he never turned to look at his friend. “Just because you can’t love, doesn’t mean other people are incapable of it as well.”

Sherlock went back to his room and hoped that John wouldn’t realise just how entirely wrong that sentence was.

...

Sherlock sighed for what was probably the fifteenth time that day.

He was lying on his back, legs facing the headboard as his head hanged upside down on the feet of his bed. The blood was rushing to his face, but he paid it no mind as he looked at a stain on the wall in front of him. It reminded him of an animal. A spider maybe…? Well, definitely something with many legs.

Sherlock cringed. He rolled over to his belly and propped his chin on the soft duvet just as the dizziness due to his previous position was beginning to feel unbearable. The spider no longer seemed like a spider. It now looked like a hand, or perhaps a tree. He’d have to further examine it in order to come to a conclusion.

The thought made him scoff.

There he was, the great Sherlock Holmes, England’s most acclaimed private detective and wall stain specialist. What a joke.

He sat on the bed. It was already mid-afternoon, which meant he’d probably stayed locked up in his room for about seven hours straight.

And Sherlock didn’t want to go back out.

For some reason, he was anxious. He’d tried distracting himself with relevant things, but when that hadn’t worked out, he’d taken solace on the irrelevant, such as observing his dirty wallpaper.

Which didn’t really matter in the end, because his thoughts always went back to one thing… You.

You were suffering. It didn’t take a genius to realise that much. Sherlock hadn’t seen you in a while, and though you—not unlike him—didn’t really have a problem with isolation, things were starting to become preoccupying.

John was right. Sherlock knew he was right and he knew he was being the biggest asshole in the whole world. He hadn’t tried to talk to you, hadn’t tried to comfort you… He hadn’t even tried to see you, and he knew his actions—or lack of actions—were probably hurting you just as much as they were hurting him.

He just couldn’t, though. Sherlock couldn’t bear the thought of seeing you cry. He couldn’t bear to even think of it, much less to think of the reason behind it—of the man who’d never loved you and had left you like this.

He couldn’t, because the truth was that Sherlock Holmes was so bloody in love with you that it hurt. He was so in love that he couldn’t think or see straight, and that absolutely terrified him.

The thing was that Sherlock was not a normal person. He didn’t think the way normal people did, didn’t see the way normal people did, and he definitely didn’t love the way normal people did.

That was perhaps why he absolutely couldn’t stand it; the way his heart squeezed every time he looked at you, or the way it broke whenever you were sad.

Sherlock got out of bed in one swift motion. He paced around his room for a few minutes, hands clasped together underneath his chin like he always did when he needed to concentrate. His chest was heavy with the weight of his thoughts when he decided that he couldn't spend another minute locked up in his room or he'd die of boredom--or worse, of anxiety.

He opened the door in a silent but violent swing and made his way barefoot towards the kitchen. The floor was cold underneath his feet, but he paid it no mind as he reached the fridge and started searching for something to eat.

Sherlock was about to reach for the milk when his hand suddenly stopped mid air. The pause was so sutil that if someone was watching him they wouldn't have had been able to tell he'd hesitated at all. And someone was in fact watching him.

"You should know better than to try to sneak past me," he said bluntly, only turning around when the bottle of milk was already opened in his hands.

You were standing near the entrance to the kitchen looking at him guiltily through your lashes, clearly frustrated with the fact that you'd been caught trying to leave the kitchen unnoticed. "Oh..." you said lamely, joining your hands behind your back and looking down so Sherlock wouldn't be able to see your face. "Sorry, I... I thought no one was home."

Sherlock tried not to grip the bottle too tightly between his fingers at the sight of you. He knew you'd never notice it, but his breathing had quickened considerably and his chest felt painfully tight. His empty hand found the way to his pocket and he remained silent as he observed you.

The two of you remained in an uncomfortable silence for far too long until you turned around and started heading back towards your bedroom. "Sorry for interrupting you," you murmured softly, and Sherlock watched you head away from him feeling like something inside him had sunk.

...

You turned around on your bed and sighed. You were facing the wall beside you, drawing patterns on its surface with the tip of your finger and trying to keep your mind clear of... well, anything.

It hurt way too much to think, and you knew you didn't actually have the strength to do so either. You were too weak. Even the short walk downstairs had taken its toll on you, and you hoped Sherlock hadn't noticed the way you had to cling to the walls and furniture in order to stand up straight and move around. There was no doubt that he had, though.

Sherlock noticed everything and knew everything, and it was infuriating most of the time. He would take one good look at you and immediately deduce everything you were trying to keep hidden, and then he would reveal it to the whole world without a second thought.

But that was the thing about Sherlock, wasn't it? He just. didn't. care. He didn't care about what anyone thought of him, or about other people's feelings, and definitely not about their problems. He took interest in them, but he couldn't care less what happened in the end.

You didn't know how he did it, but it crossed your mind that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad not to feel things so intensely, even if for a moment. Though honestly, anything would be better than what you were feeling right now. This sick anxiety and unbearable heartache that was swallowing you from inside...

Your thoughts were interrupted when a soft creaking noise came from behind you, followed by a bright stream of light. You felt someone’s eyes on your back but didn't roll over to look at the entrance of your room, instead choosing to remain exactly where you were until the light was suddenly gone with a click of the door.

You knew you weren't alone the minute the room became dark again.

"You should know better than to try to sneak into my room," you said with a humorless tone, going back to tracing patterns on the wall. There was a beat of deafening silence in which you stopped breathing, wondering wether you had imagined the noises behind you. Then, there was the sound of footsteps approaching you and stopping right about where your desk was positioned, and you heard a deep sigh that echoed around the silent room.

"You were smoking," Sherlock said, his deep voice startling you the slightest bit.

"What?"

"When I caught you walking around downstairs..." you heard him lean against the wood of your desk, “… you were smoking."

More silence.

You rolled to lie on your back, still not looking in his direction. "Please don't tell John," you asked in a small voice, pretty much confirming what he'd just said. Not that he wouldn't have been able to deduce it anyway.

"I won't tell if you don't," he said, and suddenly the room lit up again just enough for you to see the outline of his face as he tried to light a cigarette that was hanging from his lips.

Your breath was momentarily caught in your throat. None of you were supposed to smoke, but you were pretty sure John was ten times more strict about it when it came to Sherlock, given his history with addiction in the past.

Despite it all, you didn't say anything when he took a deep drag and then handed you the cigar. Instead you took it from him and inhaled the smoke as well, holding it firmly with one hand as you sat on your bed and proceeded to open the window.

It was already nighttime, and a chilly breeze ruffled the curtains as a few streetlights illuminated your room with their faint yellow glow. You handed the cigarette back to Sherlock and watched as he took another long drag, closing his eyes in sheer pleasure.

You sighed deeply. "Sherlock, why are you here?" you asked after a while, trying to decipher the emotions on his face.

"What do you think?"

It took you a moment to answer. "I honestly don't know." It was the truth. He was unpredictable, and you couldn't tell wether he was there to comfort you or simply use you in order to have a much needed smoke. "I've been trying to understand you for a long time, but I don't think I've gotten to any conclusion," you said and he let out a humorless laugh that sounded more like a deep hum.

"Try now, then," he said, and you raised an eyebrow questioningly. "Make your deductions." You looked at him mutely until he offered you the cigar again.

You took it before saying anything. "You seem anxious," you said carefully. This was dangerous territory, trying to make deductions about an expert in them. "Your hands are shaking a bit and you seem a little out of it. My guess would be it's either because of the smoking or because you're worried about me."

Sherlock nodded slowly. "Go on."

"Well, if it is because of the cigar, then you're here just because you were in desperate need of a fix..." you looked up at him for confirmation, which he didn't give you. Instead, he looked straight into your eyes and raised an eyebrow.

"And if it's not?"

Your tongue darted out to wet your dry lips. "Then it would mean that-..." you hesitated. Something inside your chest tightened, "- it would mean that you care about me," you finished, and he gave you a tight smile that made you frown.

Sherlock walked towards the bed you were sitting at in three long strides, kneeling so he could properly look at you. He silently took the cigarette from you and took one last drag from it before reaching behind you and extinguishing its flames on the windowsill. His eyes bore into yours again and you couldn't help but holding your breath. What in the world was happening? Had he just admitted he had feelings for you? Your mind was reeling with a thousand different thoughts.

"(Y/N)," he called, and you realized you'd zoned out for a moment. "I'd like to say that I care about what happened, but we both know that would be a lie," he started, and you was sure something inside you broke when he said it. "I do care, however, that you're hurting," he added, and you had to breathe in relief at his words. "The fact that you're suffering bothers me to the point that I can't even look at you, so I'm sorry if my actions hurt you in any way." You opened your mouth to say something, but he interrupted you before you could. "You don't have to say anything, (Y/N). I just need you to listen to what I'm going to say right now."

"Ok..." you whispered, nodding lightly.

He looked at you intensely. "You have to take care of yourself," he said, and you thought that was the most serious you'd ever heard him. "I need you to eat and to shower and to go outside, do you understand?" You nodded, unable to mutter a response. He'd rendered you speechless. "If not for you, then do it for me." He finished, and you could only nod again. For some reason you felt like crying. Knowing that he cared had made something squeeze inside your chest, and a warmth spread throughout your body. "Can you promise me that?"

You felt your eyes water. "Yes," you said weakly, and he smiled.

"My job is done here, then," Sherlock said, and you started crying freely. "I'll leave you alone now," he took you by the jaw and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. Then he stood up and walked back towards the door like nothing had happened, leaving you alone with only your reeling thoughts to make you company.

Needless to say, you were the first one on the table for breakfast the next morning.

[Masterlist] [Request list]

#sherlock #sherlock holmes #sherlock x reader #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes imagine #sherlock imagine #benedict cumberbatch #benedict x reader #sherxr #ruined

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emzysimagines · 7 years

Text

Being Altair’s Descendant Would Include II...

Part.I

Warnings - Angsty?

Request - hi, I just found your blog recently & I'm obsessed 😍 one of my fave works of yours is "being Altair's descendant would include", and I was wondering: could you make a part 2 to that would include? Maybe it's more angsty, showing Ezio's, Altair, etc reactions to the reader going thru the bleeding effect, going thru the same stuff Desmond did, and having pretty much the same ending Desmond did in AC3.

A/N - I am really sorry, Anon if this is not like you wanted but, I really hope you like it, anyway.

Starting to get affected by being in the Animus too much time.

But, while Desmond full on blacks out from the visions he gets, you have just glimpses of what once was.

Lucy explaining that every subject had a different type of hallucinations.

So, while 16 saw visions happening when he was wide awake and Desmond blacking out while seeing them, you only catch glimpses.

Not being able to identify if the hallucinations are real or not.

Having weird thoughts about the visions you saw of Ezio talking to Juno in the temple.

Having mixed feelings about Juno’s words.

Desmond being overprotective of you.

Desmond forcing you to stay with the others while he eased the path for you.

Seeing visions like 16 while Desmond is being controlled by Minerva.

Blacking out just like he did.

The previous end of the First Civilization and conversations between the Ones Who Came Before being included in those visions.

Understanding why Minerva forced Desmond to kill Lucy when you were told she was a Templar.

The bleeding effect gradually getting worse.

Dealing with it better than Desmond.

Staying silent and being sarcastic being your coping method while Desmond’s is being angry.

Shaun understanding that you’re in pain by your sarcasm.

Having visions of Ezio and Altair whenever you close your eyes.

Having visions of them being told of you and Desmond.

The visions easing up your search.

Bill and the others not pushing you as hard as they push Desmond.

Bill looking out for you as if you were his daughter, not his niece.

Rebecca allowing you to help her with hacking into Abstergo.

Shaun taking your mind off of things by telling you theories about history and what was behind that certain door.

“She is a warrior, that one.”

Altair being proud of how you’ve been surviving and coping with everything.

Then, you start losing your mind.

You, basically stop needing the Animus to activate memories of your ancestors.

Being a walking Animus to yourself.

Seeing memories of your ancestors whenever you’re somewhere they once were or being in a situation they were put in or even touching something that belonged to them.

Seeing a part of Ezio’s message to Desmond, which he had not told you about, when you put on one of his blades.

“Maybe you would make all this suffering worth it. Now, listen..”

“Things are going to get hard for the both of you - you and (Y/N). You’re going to need her and try to keep her sane because, she’s unlike anyone like you. She unlocks everything with a gift that I predict she has already gained but, it comes with a price.. You need to follow her and stop leading her. She’s going to need you so, listen to her.”

Seeing a vision - one that both, Ezio and Altair, saw - of you hallucinating and talking to yourself and eventually, falling to your knees, hands gripping your head in pain as blood pours out of your nose.

Then, the vision evaporates into Altair, standing there with a solemn expression.

“Is that it for her? Even with her will, her wisdom and everything else.. It’s all just going to destroy her?”

Then, you see Ezio standing there.

“No! That can’t be! That can’t happen! Not her!”

Ezio throwing a tantrum, destroying the room he was in as he yells curse words, tears gathering in his eyes.

Ezio standing silently after he calms down, face in his hand.

“It’s all going to destroy her..”

Being determined not to let that happen to you.

Assigning yourself to some missions around the temple to keep yourself distracted.

Seeing a vision of Minerva and Juno fighting.

“It is not right!”

“Right?! And us being destroyed for their mistakes is right?!”

“We are to blame, too. Slavery is only going to make matters worse!”

“No, sister. They are not capable of making their own decisions. Order is the only answer.”

“They will do the right decision!”

Trying to tell the others about that vision.

“I don’t think we should trust that Juno gal.”

Calculating what could happen when you find the key that opens the gate.

Saying goodbye to the others in case the worst scenario happens before Desmond comes out of the Animus.

Standing, silently beside Shaun as he rambles stuff about history.

Chuckling to yourself at how content he looks, talking about nerd-stuff.

“Not that I’m not glad you’re laughing but, I don’t think enslaving natives is very cool enough to chuckle about..”

“It isn’t but, you are.”

Shaun being shocked at your complement.

“You are, Shaun and we are lucky to have you on our side. We wouldn’t have been here without you and you are the greatest person anyone can ever meet. And someday, if we survive this.. You are going to be the greatest discoverer in history - your name will be in all history books and some day your great grandchildren will be watching your life through an Animus.”

Kissing his cheek.

His flushing face.

Him, stuttering.

*gasp* Shaun Hastings stutters, everyone!

“What was that with Shaun? Finally realizing your underlying love for him?”

Shaking your head with a chuckle at Rebecca’s statement.

“Rebecca, have you ever thought of working for Microsoft?”

“I don’t think I have it in me.”

“Think, again because, they’d damn well be lucky to have you.”

Finding Bill just standing off to one side, thinking and staring at the floating bridge.

“I refuse to hear your words if your sudden affection is for the reason that I think it’s for.”

Smiling at him.

“I love you, Uncle. Thank you for everything.”

Hugging him, despite his protests.

Punching Desmond in the face as soon as he gets out of the Animus.

“That’s for lying..”

Him immediately, understanding and apologizing.

Trying to get Desmond to deny Juno’s offer.

“She’s going to enslave us all! She’s everything we’ve been running from, Desmond!”

“If I say yes, billions won’t have to die!”

“She’s the Original Templar, Desmond. Do you remember Altair’s codex? She was the one he wrote about - The first Templar!”

“It’s not going to hurt, Desmond.”

“Being enslaved then, finally breaking free sounds better than having to start from scratch. Now, go.”

Desmond doing the opposite of what Ezio demanded him to do.

Desmond still choosing Juno.

Getting captured by Abstergo.

Them using you to reach the memories of your ancestors - Arno, Evie, Jacob, Shay, Aveline, etc.

Desmond being Juno’s Chosen One while you are Minerva’s.

I can’t really write a part.III because, (Y/N) might have the same end that was seen in the vision - expecially since I have yet to play the games after Three.

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teamkaiforever · 7 years

Photo

BACK TOGETHER

“No. It - it can’t be.” she muttered to herself squeezing her eyes , crossing the street without even looking one way let alone twice. Damon tried to say something to her but she elbowed him in the stomach not stopping for a second, getting closer to the other person in the alley with him. “M-Malachai?” Kai dropped the guy he was feeding on on the ground and turned towards her , wiping blood from his mouth. Y/N felt butterflies in her stomach , seeing purple black veins flashing under his eyes. Her boyfriend looked so beyond hot in that moment , her breath got caught in her throat and a single tear rolled down her face. “Oh my G-” Before she had had time to finish her sentence , Kai pinned her to the building wall near by , smashing his lips against hers like never before. His body pressed against hers and he deepened the kiss , kissing her hungrily not willing to even let her take a breath. He pulled out after almost an entire minute and gazed into her eyes , a smile spreading across his face a moment later. “Hi.” “You are real.” she whispered , her fingertips exploring his face trailing every inch. “You are real ! H-how are you here ?” Kai laughed and suddenly Y/N felt the hole in her heart disappear, like the past four years had never happened. “It’s a really long story sweetheart.” he smiled. “I’ll tell you later today , but first -” His lips pressed against hers again drowning her in a deep passionate kiss , as her hands wrapped around his neck pulling him even closer to her taking her breath away completely. “I love you.” he said suddenly. “Sorry. I’ve just been wanting to tell you this for four years. I should’ve listened to you , I -” Y/N pulled him towards her until their lips collided again , not even caring they are in the middle of the street and Damon is like a few steps away starring at them while she and Kai tried to swallow each other. None of that mattered to her. Kai was back. He was there , right there barely an inch away from her and even that felt like a huge distance to her. “I love you too.” she smiled. “I never stopped.” “Well , you two.” said Damon interrupting them , his hands folded on his chest as he looked at them. “Are you going to keep making out until there is a hole on the wall shaped like you or -?” Both of them glared at him and Kai took a small step away from her, purposefully messing up her hair and making her laugh. He had missed her laugh , seeing the spark in her eyes , feeling her lips on his. He had missed every single thing about her. Hell had been … well , hell but the true Hell had been being away from her. “What ? No thank you for reuniting you with your epic lover ?” said Damon with a smirk on his face. Y/N scoffed. “Lets just leave it at ‘I won’t try to stake you this time’.” she said , feeling Kai’s arms wrap around her waist tightly. “Is that good enough ?” Kai brushed his nose against her cheek , taking in her scent. It had been so long since he had been able to do that , to wrap his arms around her and feel her near him and feel her heart racing. No. He could hear her heart beat now. Kai smiled to himself ignoring completely whatever word exchange Y/N and Damon were having. None of it mattered to him. Nothing but her. Back in Hell he had never thought he’d see her again. Kai had been pretty sure she’d go the other way and having her back in his arm was everything. He nibbled on her earlobe placing a gentle kiss on her neck. “Come on creeper.” Damon grabbed his forearm. “I kept my promise - you are reunited with Y/N. Lets go. Work to do.” “Nah-uh. Stop forcing me to hang out with you. ” said Kai pulling away. “Don’t worry. I’ll bring back Elena. It’s not like she’ll know the difference.” Damon glared at him. “Sorry. That was insensitive was it ? I just want to spend a few hours with my girl. Sure you at least get that.” “Also I still have that wooden stake.” added Y/N patting her backpack. “It’s right here – and a mega powerful boyfriend. Try and stand in our way , you might end up -” “- in Hell.” finished Kai. “Trust me Damon, you don’t want to get the full 4D experience. Being on fire all the time and ghosts from your past coming to pull your skin off ?! Not to mention the occasional very bad days when you have to come face to face with Cade , who is basically torture in carnet - ” Damon scrunched his nose at Kai’s words. Y/N gulped. Hell ? Kai was in Hell ?! Sure he had had made mistakes but , Hell ? No. Probably she had misheard or something , at least thats what she thought until her eyes met his. Kai looked shaken. How hadnt she noticed that look in his eyes before? He was rarely scared of anything and seeing him like this was too much. “You want to make it up to me ?” asked Y/N. “Let me and my boyfriend spend the day together. You are not the only one who had spent the past few years – away from your other half. Plus - you owe me , big time.” “Fine.” the vampire raised his hands. “Spend time together and meet me at the cemetery in two hours. If any of you cross me , your boyfriend here will-” “I will kill you this time , Damon.” snapped Y/N. “Nothing’s going to stop me.” Damon growled clenching his jaw balling his hands into a fist. Y/N stared at him trying hard not to start laughing. The face Damon was making was meant to scare her but she couldn’t help but find it funny. Kai was glancing between the two of them with a grin on his face until Damon turned around , getting in his car. “Bye Damon.” waved Y/N. Kai wrapped his arms around her waist and twirling her around. He didn’t know how long he had there since he was still a little bit in Hell and Cade was out to get him and drag him back there, but there was one thing he was sure about - this was the happiest moment in his life ever since the day they had first met. He let he down gently , holding onto her the entire time and his lips found hers again. Kai held her so tightly for an moment he worried he might break her or suffocate her with his kiss , but Y/N didn’t mind at all. It appeared she wanted just what he did - to never ever ever let go of each other again. “Come on princess.” he said taking her hand. “Lets go.” “Where are we going?” wondered Y/N. “Somewhere special.” he winked at her and Kai pulled her down the street with him. “So , what has my girl been up to the past four years? Damon didn’t tell me much.” Y/N smiled widely hearing him call her his girl. Her heart fluttered and by the change in Kai’s face he appeared to know that. It hadn’t hit her until that moment - Kai was a vampire , a vampire witch heretic. They could really have forever together now. “That’s because he doesn’t know.” she said holding his hand. “I graduated college , burying myself in studies to dull the pain. Not that it worked and I still live in your apartment. I just - I couldn’t bring myself to – move back home. It’s the only place I felt close to you..” Kai looked at her smiling nervously. He knew that. The past three days since he had been back he had been to his place , almost ringing the bell to surprise her , but he hadn’t known what to do or say. What if he slipped back into Hell moments after she opened the door ? He had to find a way to come back first before coming for her. That’s why he went to her former friends hoping they might know a way , because everything he tried - did not work. And now there was another time crunch , but a plan had already started forming in his mind. Just as Kai was about to ask her the question that has been tormenting him for the past few days since he had been back he noticed something hanging around her neck “Is – Is that one of my rings ?” he wondered. “H-how ?” “Oh , that ? I um – I took it before burying your body.” she said swallowing hard , touching the ring hanging around her neck. “Yhat way I carry you with me every day. Everywhere I go.” “And - um , there h-hasnt been anyone else ?” “Anyone else what ?” she wondered looking at him. Kai sighed , tilting his head a little and thats how she knew his question. “No. Never.” “Not once ?” he wondered , turning down another street until they reached the park. Kai couldn’t believe no one had tried to win her heart. Or maybe someone had wanted to but she wouldn’t have let them. “I was dead , you coul - should’ve moved on.” “Can’t move on from what we had Malachai.” she said making him stop. “I still love you , just as much as I did before you -” “- got myself killed?” “Maybe I love you even more now.” she smiled at him. Kai couldn’t help but feel happy at her words. Four years. All this time spent in Hell wondering how she is , if she had forgotten him and moved on only to come back and find out not only she hadn’t forgotten him, but still loves him just like she had the day they had last seen each other. He wanted her to be happy more than anything even if that wasn’t with him. Thats how much he loved her. He could be selfish about everything else but not when it came to her. Kai brushed his palm against her cheek , smiling nervously at her. He didn’t know how long he had in this dimension , but intended on finding a way to make it permanent. For her , for the both of them. “Is it too selfish of me to be actually happy you didn’t move on with someone else ?” he wondered , Y/N shook her head smiling at him. “Because I really am more than happy that you didn’t. I know we can’t pick up where we left off but - do you think that – that there is still future for us ?” “I’ve always seen my future with you and only you.” she smiled. “Since the day we met.” “Good , good.” he muttered more to himself than to her , looking at her with glowing eyes. There had to be a way for him to stay and now he was willing to do anything to make it happen. “C'mon. We are almost there.” “Almost where?” Purple black veins flashed under his eyes and he grabbed her , whooshing them away in vampire speed near the lake in the park. Kai let her feet down on the ground , holding onto her. Y/N looked around recognising the place straight away. He took a small step away from her , smiling wider than ever. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten ?” he said looking longingly into her eyes. “Me ? Forget the first time you kissed me and told me you love me after almost turning the boat over into the lake ?!” she said taking a step towards him , cupping his face gazing longingly into his eyes. “I could never forget any moment we spent together. ” “So I take it you remember -” he said placing his hands on her waist , tackling her on the ground. “ - this exact same spot where , when you got out of the boat , you slipped and I caught you but we still both fell.” “And we gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment -” she said , her eyes drifting between his eyes and his lips. “- and then –” Kai smashed his lips against hers , pulling her closer to him his hands snaking up and down her back , then towards her ass rolling her on top of him not breaking the kiss for a second. “- you too took my breath away.” they both said in unison , smiling at each other. Y/N rolled onto the grass next to him , turning her head around towards him. He looked happier than ever , pulling her towards him. His fingers brushed against her cheek and he kissed her gently. “We will have forever together.” he said softly. “Just like we always wanted. I promise.” MASTERLIST - FLUFF MASTERLIST - SMUT

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bartsugsy · 7 years

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Oh Lo. Please teach me your ways. I mean I'm not even overly negative about everything, but how can you always be so excited./see the positives with each new spoiler/quote? I wish I could lol. Cos seriously, IM's definition of 'fun' and mine appear to be vastly different. This mainly boring scheming Robert plpt continues into next year? We're not getting a reunion til 2018 are we? Lord, they really want to test our patience don't they? Have we not paid are dues yet? haha! Who's exit you think?

do you know what anon, it’s weird, but i was actually thinking about what i would say to someone earlier today, if they asked me how i tend to stay positive???? it’s like our brains just know sometimes lmao - but that’s why you’re about to get a weirdly deep answer instead of what i usually say here

and honestly, i was thinking about this because i was thinking about life in general and how much i believe in the power of positive thinking? and how incredibly well it works? in fandom terms particularly, it’s a life saviour - in life it’s can be a lot more of a struggle to remind yourself but yk we’re not getting that deep we’re just talking about a soap

i get that it sounds like bullshit, but it works for me literally every single time. i’ve found that complaining about things is literally giving voice to negative thoughts and giving voice to negative thoughts is giving power so that they can breed more negative thoughts and before you know it, you’re sinking down this weird self-made hole of sadness - and not only that, but it spreads to other people, because humans are like feelings sponges and we feed off other people’s emotions a lot - it’s hard to be the lone person feeling one way in a room of people feeling the other. it’s like subconscious peer pressure.

but then the opposite - looking at the positives, being as steadfast and determined and strict with yourselves to look at the good sides of everything, is fucking life changing. there are like one thousand and one ted talks on this - like, you wouldn’t believe how many damn ted talks there are. anyway, because i was in this weird mood this morning and reflecting on it, i watched one that used a quote from wayne dyer - “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

THIS IS SO EMBARRASINGLY DEEP FOR WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY A CONVERSATION ABOUT FLIPPIN EMMERDALE SPOILERS BUT IT’S TRUE OK

it’s true. if i look at spoilers andlook for the positives and literally refuse to give voice to the negative, pullmyself back to the positives whenever i do, and beyond that encourage thatpositivity in others through humour or happy thoughts so that maybe it spreads - and if i do it enough times that it becomes natural to me, a natural response to anything and everything, then… well… everything gets a hell of a lot more fun and enjoyable and those things that maybe i once thought were negative and worrying somehow turn into positives. and that’s not me desperately trying to tell myself something is good - it just genuinely does become something that inspires good feelings in me, happiness and excitement and whatever. i can’t really explain how well it works - you have to experience it. but like now? now i literally fucking love that rob and rebecca had a one night stand lmao. like. i love that god damn story beat so much. it’s just about changing the way you look at things - so when i used to look at that scene, all i ever saw was jfc why i don’t actually want this - but after really and honestly thinking about it in every way, by about acknowledging that i can’t change it and then looking at it from every angle, i look at that scene now and i see the show committing to showing just how affect robert is about everything, and also playing out a soap trope in what is literally the most shippy way possible. i see a scene that is, perversely, entirely about robert’s love for aaron and also a scene that gives me a great look at who robert is as a character and the way he reacts in situations.

it sounds ridiculous? like, it really god damn does, but like… actually, why does it matter if it sounds ridiculous if i’m having fun and hopefully making other people smile occasionally lmao

also, beyond this, i’m also all about accepting the things i cannot change - and the writing of emmerdale? that’s a thing i cannot change. so why fight it? why not just buckle in and enjoy the ride? what the hell else am i gonna do?

so yeah, anyway, it’s not about paying dues or anything, it’s not about making us suffer for our crimes of loving too much lmaooo - they’re just…. it’s a soap and they’re telling a story that ultimately has robert and aaron interacting regularly and still being stupidly in love and eventually reuniting properly. so all i can do and all i want to do is find ways to enjoy the journey - and this is true of every storyline ever.

and the result of me giving as much voice as i can to the things i enjoy and literally just ignoring any thoughts i may have or thoughts other people have about what they don’t because i don’t find them helpful (sorry all other ppl i love you i just gotta do me) - is that what we’ve had so far has been so much fun for me. i enjoy aaron and robert interacting in a - in a way, very abuse era-esque manner, obviously in an entirely different context. like - they both want to be together but they can’t - and now the feelings are there but only tenfold and so their scenes always have that bubbling underneath. a little bit of subtextual love and angst is fun. yes i want them to get back together and make out and cuddle and all that good and lovely jazz but like… that’s not the only way to enjoy their scenes, i don’t think. why would anyone ever rewatch the lighter relationshippy aspects of the abuse storyline if it was?

like - the smitten kitten scene? maxine’s episode where they go to find sandra? rob dealing with aaron leaving to see family in ireland for a bit (#parallel) and literally just trying to get info about how he’s doing out of chas on a daily if not hourly basis? they weren’t together during any of that. so why do they need to be together as a couple to have amazing, wonderful scenes now? why does them being split up automatically mean we’re in for months of no robron at all? because that hasn’t been what i’ve seen so far and from everything that has been said, that isn’t what they seem to have in store for us going forward.

obviously, you know, you gotta do you etc etc but… yeah, this is literally my secret lmao. just… idk. it took me a long af time to learn this and i had to go through a lot of sadness to get there but… idk the idea of being sad about a soap all the time just isn’t something i’m interested in for a way to spend my free time. so i don’t spend it that way.

basically, what i’m saying is, this isn’t just innately me, irrationally excited about all things ever. it’s something i learnt to do and it changed my god damn life for the better in every damn way.

(i think it does make me a horrible person to try and be salty with when it comes to plot or spoilers though because i will, with all the love and good intentions in the world, probably refuse to let a conversation wallow in that misery and probably change the subject to something happier in order to preserve the hard work i’ve done on myself)

idk idk hopefully this doesn’t sound like a flipping lecture or whatever but this ask just came at a hilariously appropriate time for where my head has been at this morning

#long post #.......sorry this is all so unnecessary lmao #answering anons #ed #ed spoilers

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oumakokichi · 7 years

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Hello! I hope this is not too much to ask, but would it be okay to ask for a brief description of your thoughts on all the V3 girls? As in, strong points (as characters), weak points, how the narrative treats them...

Sure anon, I don’t mind! This is a really fun question,actually. I really love the ndrv3 girls, and it’s interesting because I’d saythe strengths and weaknesses of them are pretty varied.

I’ll try and write a little bit about each girl in detail,but it’ll involve discussing pretty much the entire game so there’ll bespoilers under the read more! Only read if you’re comfortable with that!

I suppose the easiest one to start with would be Kaede, asshe’s our fake-out protagonist. Her strengths are pretty easy to see: she’scharismatic, likable, go-getting, and would’ve made a really excellentprotagonist for all these reasons, especially as her charisma in particularsets her apart from characters like Naegi or Hinata who weren’t especiallycharismatic or influential among the group at first.

One of her other biggest strengths in my opinion though isher distrust of people. Her paranoia itself is what makes her character themost interesting in hindsight; there’s something very chilling about going backand re-reading Chapter 1 realizing exactly how little Kaede could actuallybring herself to trust others.

Despite wanting tobelieve the best in people, she wasn’t someone who could actually do so, and itshows. This trait is something that humanizes her and makes her go from “relativelylikable self-insert protagonist” to “incredibly interesting protagonist wholies to the player and other characters and even herself.” I know it soundscontradictory, but that particular flaw of Kaede is one of the things I likebest about her, and what would’ve made her the most interesting had she stuckaround for longer, in my opinion.

Her weaknesses are… well, she’s mostly just limited to thepotential she could have had, rather than what we actually got to see. Bykilling her off so early, the narrative limits her autonomy and mostly treatsher like an object to be used for Saihara’s development. Even her flaws,including both her skepticism of other people and her willingness to kill aperson, are completely brushed under the rug by Chapter 6. By focusing only onwhat she meant to Saihara, and notwhat Saihara or anyone else in the group actually meant to her, the narrativeacts as though that’s pretty much the only important thing about her, leavingme rather… unsatisfied, in the end.

Next up, there’s Maki. Again with Maki, I feel like thethings I actually came to like about her the best are the things that make herflawed as a character. But those flaws are themselves interesting. I like thatMaki is cold, antisocial, and… well, for lack of a better way to put it, notthat bright. Maki has had all the compassion and kindness stomped right out ofher at an early age due to her assassin training; it makes sense that shewouldn’t necessarily be the nicest.

I like that shegets to display flaws more typically found in male characters—including Kuzuryuuand Togami. I like the fact that she’s an easily manipulated pawn in the grandscheme of things, because that makes perfect sense thematically with herbackstory as an assassin who has only ever been trained and pointed at targetsand told to kill without questioning it. Female characters should be allowed tobe cold, to be standoffish. They don’t have to be nice or even good peoplenecessarily, and the fact that Maki is arguably neither of these things issomething I really do like about her, since it’s such a break away from themold with main girls in DR.

Unfortunately, her weaknesses are along the same lines asKaede. The biggest flaw to Maki being regarded as her own character is, sadly,Momota. Everything about her character revolves around Momota. Every singlestep of development she makes is never attributed to her own doing, but toMomota, be it through direct or indirect intervention.

While I very much like the fact that Maki claiming herfeelings for herself is an important part of her making her own choices andrefusing to be manipulated by Chapter 6, the narrative really drops the ball bytrying to make Maki into this cute, tsundere, “shy, blushing maiden in love”every time the subject of her feelings for Momota come up. All her complexitygoes out the window in favor of playing right into tropes without any interestingsubversion at all. Not even to mention all the added layers of misogyny thatcome with their dynamic. What could have been a very compelling story aboutself-love instead boils down to a shounen protagonist guy telling a tsunderegirl that “girls shouldn’t use weapons, they’re better-suited looking cute andtaking care of children.”

And like Kaede, all of Maki’s biggest mistakes get brushedunder the rug by later chapters. I’ve mentioned it before, but Maki facesalmost no consequences at all for her reckless impulsivity. Not only does noone in the group bring up her attempt to kill Ouma; they don’t even bring upher attempt to murder all of them.Maki’s harsh, ruthless treatment of the entire group doesn’t even wedge so muchas a temporary hurdle into their friendship with one another, she neverapologizes, and it’s never addressed as any kind of issue or flaw by thenarrative. Most of the reason why it never comes up is because the charactersmostly act like “she was in love with Momota, so it’s okay.” I hope if we seemore of Maki as a survivor in any future installments, this kind of pitfallwill be avoided again.

Next up, Himiko. Himiko is perhaps one of the best-writtenfemale characters in all of ndrv3, in my opinion anyway. As a dark horsesurvivor who no one was really expecting, she displays tremendous character development, is funny and compelling, and ishonestly one of the characters you root for the most by the end of the game.Because her character arc has to do with her feelings towards Tenko, herautonomy is never limited to existing for the sake of a male character. She’sfeisty and likable, her FTEs are good, and she reaches just the right pointbetween comic relief and a genuine character in her own right who you want tosee more of.

She probably has the fewest weaknesses out of any of the ndrv3girls, too. Unlike Maki and Kaede, whose biggest weaknesses involve gettingwritten to help further either Saihara or Momota’s development, this neverhappens with Himiko. Beyond the occasional joke in poor taste (there’s a reallygross joke in Chapter 5 where Himiko mentions liking the soap opera-likedevelopment where Monotarou thinks he’s Monofunny’s abusive husband and startsbeating her), there really aren’t any bad scenes with Himiko in them. She’spresent in most chapters, especially Chapters 2 and 3, her characterdevelopment is gradual and well-written, and she’s just generally strong allaround.

Then there’s Miu. Honestly, I was not expecting Miu to windup being one of my favorite ndrv3 girls by the end of the game, but, well, hereI am. There’s something about Miu that I find so genuinely likable even whenshe’s being horrible as a person. Again, I think one of her flaws is the factthat she’s written to be so irredeemably awful, gross, and mean all around, forthe most part. She’s allowed to be crass in a way typically reserved only formale characters, something I like about her even when it gets a littleexasperating.

Not only that, but the biggest thing Miu has going for heris how incredibly plot-relevant she is by the end of the game. I would stillput her as one of my top picks for a character I wish had been a survivor. Hertalent is incredibly useful, on par with Alter Ego in terms of outsmarting theringleader and helping everyone to stay alive. Miu’s genuine, honest-to-godlove to invent and to create things that can “change the world” is one of themost interesting things about her, since it’s a stark contrast with hergenerally selfish and cowardly personality.

Her weakness is… well, there’s a fine line between crass andjust gross, and Miu often crosses it. Her love hotel scene is a prime exampleof this, since she pretty much just forces herself on Saihara and it’s playedfor romantic comedy. But this is a flaw I have with quite a few of the girls’love hotel scenes, really. If anything, Miu gets far more called out for hercrassness and gross comments than other characters of a similar variety (suchas Teruteru), because her low-standing within the group is lampshaded onseveral occasions.

Next, there’s Tenko. Tenko is a wonderful character,compelling and lovable and genuinely good as a person. It’s easy to see why shescored so high on the Japanese popularity poll. Like Himiko, she was anotherdark horse pick who I don’t think many people expected to get as attached toprior to the game’s release. But after the game came out, her strengths wereeasy to see: she’s brave, self-sacrificing, and wears her heart on her sleeve.Her genuine wish for Himiko’s happiness and development, as well as theprotector-type role she plays for most of the group, makes her extremelylikable, despite people’s fears about the whole “menace” thing.

The biggest weaknessTenko has though is the fact that it’s very difficult to separate her fromHimiko’s character sometimes. I love himitenko as a ship, including all theflaws and the potential for growth and development between them, but it’s truethat Tenko doesn’t really have the same level of depth to her that Himiko does.Looked at separately from her relationship with Himiko, there’s not really adefinite role for her within the group, and she suffers from similar problemsas Kaede and Maki in that sense, mostly being written to further anothercharacter’s development. But we actually get to see the bond explored betweenthem a little better than we do with Saihara and Kaede, or even with Maki andMomota, so I have fewer problems with this on Tenko’s front.

Next up is Angie. It’s kind of hard to know where to startwith Angie, considering what a mess Chapter 3 was in so many ways. But I’lladmit that I quite liked her as a force of chaos and “mid-boss” of sorts. Herself-serving interest in a “peaceful school life,” and the fact that she was willingto go on quite a power trip in order to enforce it, was a first in any DR game.Angie does and says extremely mean, self-serving things with a smile on herface, and that would’ve been a lot more fun if only she’d been written better.

Her weaknesses are… well, there are a lot. She’s a prettystraightforward racist depiction of what Japanese people think the “quirky,exotic foreign girl” trope is all about, not helped along by NISA inadvertentlymaking it like 10 times more racist by actually putting a name to her religionand god when there isn’t one in the original game. Most of the genuinelyterrifying things about her character, including the brainwashing implicationsin both the plot and her FTEs, never actually serve any kind of narrativepurpose, making me wonder why the narrative even brought it up in the firstplace if there were no consequences for it and no point.

Next, there’s Kirumi. Kirumi’s stone cold emotionalmanipulation in Chapter 2 is perhaps my favorite quality about her. The factthat she can be genuinely caring as a person, constantly putting others’welfare above herself, and cold enough to lie to people’s faces and makehorrible, awful sacrifices, is an extremely compelling trait. She has a greatdesign, she’s smart, and she’s formidable, much better at lying and attemptingto tug at people’s heartstrings than someone like Celes ever was.

Unfortunately, her biggest weakness is simply that she’s notvery relevant in the grand scheme of things. By getting killed off so early,Kirumi’s character never really gets brought up to serve a bigger purpose lateron. Many of the things in her backstory are overwhelmingly contradictory withother points of the plot—that’s the point, of course, since their backstoriesare all made up, but it’s still true that putting her as “the shadow PrimeMinister of Japan” was perhaps going a bit overboard compared to everyone else’sfictional backstories.

Kirumi mostly just lacks any real growth or development,again because she was killed so early on. She could have very well worked as aMaki figure, someone who thinks of herself as a tool and therefore neverprioritizes her own wants or emotions, but this isn’t something the narrativeever particularly addresses. So sadly, her long-term relevance is prettyminimal, and even though she had great potential as a female character with noties to any of the male characters, she never gets a chance to shine in thespotlight.

Lastly, there’s Tsumugi. I saved her for last because, ofcourse, it’s impossible to talk about her strengths without including the factthat she’s the ringleader. And she’s funas an antagonist. She’s smart, incredibly quick at adapting her story or makingup new lies on the spot, her ability to fly under people’s radars and hide inplain sight is fascinating, and it’s generally just a blast to go back on areread and see all the foreshadowing that was there the entire time.

One of Tsumugi’s biggest strengths is still, in my opinion,the fact that she’s not Junko. Forthe first time, Kodaka successfully pulled off a really greatmastermind/ringleader twist that didn’t involve falling back on Junko or herAIs. And all the red herrings and bait to make the player think that Junkowould be involved was just spectacular; you can really see why a lot of peoplewould fall for the Hope’s Peak remember light in Chapter 5, hook, line, andsinker, because it’s something the characters themselves fall for so easily.

As for her weaknesses, mostly it’s extremely hard toevaluate her as a character at all if you take her ringleader position away.That’s deliberate, of course, but it’s still true that where Junko reallyshines right now because of all we know about her from dr0 and other sidematerial, we know virtually nothing about Tsumugi at all beyond what we see inChapter 6, and even then we know she was lying about quite a lot. Tsumugi isspectacular as an antagonist, but it’s hard to evaluate “Tsumugi Shirogane” thecharacter without including her role as an antagonist, and that’s because sheintentionally made herself act as plain, boring, and uninteresting as possible.

Anyway, this got very long, but I think I covered all thegirls with this. I hope this answers your question, anon! I really like thendrv3 cast in general, so getting to talk about the girls in particular was alot of fun!

#ndrv3 #kaede akamatsu #maki harukawa #himiko yumeno #miu iruma #tenko chabashira #angie yonaga #kirumi toujou #tsumugi shirogane #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #anonymous

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