#Assault and Battery

[starfxkrinc]

felon!jj killed luke and kie but nobody could pin him to it so he walked but he told you while shit faced drunk and subconsciously walked you to the spot he did it and tweaks out a little but he knows you wont tell because ur not dumb you love him and he just beat a man half to death for talking crazy to you so in his eyes youre #solid (mostly)

[dryococelas01]

Worm AU where every member of the Brockton bay protectorate is a different type of protagonist.

Miss Militia is actually the star of a metal gear esque ridiculous scifi/military story

Dauntless is the main character of a shonen anime

Armsmaster is a romantic comedy protag where he and dragon are both robots pretending to be human and trying to hide it from the other

Triumph is actually just the dragonborn trying to live a quiet life.

Assault and battery are a dark drama where battery keeps trying to reveal assault for the villain he is, but the manipulative bastard keeps getting away with it. She thought he had redeemed himself, but she discovered it to be untrue, and now she has to reveal his true nature before its too late.

Velocity fights aliens on weekends.

[f1rewalk3r]

since apparently this is what i’m known for: What Motorcycle I think each member of the PRT ENE would ride:

Armsmaster: Canonically rides a “souped up motorcycle.” obviously this means tinkertech in the parahumans world, but in the biker world this means egregious, stupid custom. so i’m giving him a fat tire Harley Davidson VROD. an ugly bike with an ego for a silly man with an ego

now what do you get when you cross the most reliable, unkillable dual sport of all time with a diesel engine? you get the Kawasaki KLR-650 HDT, the M1030-M1, a finicky monster used by the US military. perfect for the unkillable Miss Militia, a connoisseur of finicky military equipment. it can go anywhere and use anything for fuel, but it was literally designed to run on jet fuel.

Velocity’s a speedster right? so obviously he’s gonna get an ultra fast liter bike, super sport, 200hp, etc. WRONG. you fucking idiot. you fucking moron. personally i don’t subscribe to grimdumb f(c?)anon that he perceives real time when he’s speeding. that’s stupid cape design imo. he can go fast as his heart desires with his power. yknow what he can’t do with his power? rip up the fucking motorcross track, doing flips and jumps and shit. radical, man. so he gets a two-stoke ripper, the Yamaha YZ-250.

Battery, on the other hand, is a girlboss who needs to get stress relief via a supersport liter bike. she’s dealing with assault all day, can you blame her? so she’s getting the Honda CBR1000RR-Fireblade. liquid cooled, 999cc, inline four, with a top speed of 190mph it really doesn’t get much faster than this, folks.

now if you take the dual sport Kawasaki, give it the suspension of the Yamaha motorcross, but the tires and street performance of the supersport, you get the Supermotard class of bikes. the crackhead hooligans of the bike community, these are the bikes that are doing wheelies in residential areas, jumping over that grassy hill near your office building, and squealing around corners as the back end slips out. can you tell i have a favorite type of bike. now, who’s our resident crackhead of the protectorate? why, Assault, of course! So he’s getting the king of supermotos (and the bike i will probably be purchasing in may), a Suzuki DRZ-400SM

loud, annoying, and entitled Triumph gets the Harley Davidson Softtail, the bike of choice for obnoxious wannabe hell’s angels, the bike of choice for your balding 50yr old dad, or for the kid who wants so badly to be relevant and accepted amongst the boomers he calls friends. idk where Triumph fits into this its kinda just a vibe yk he’s a nepo baby, he gets a harley

and finally. the perfect bike for those with mobility issues/those concerned about safety due to preexisting medical conditions, Director Piggot gets a Harley Davidson Trike and she fucking slays on it, understand? girl power.

i forgot dauntless because he’s boring so he gets a boring adventure bike for boring losers. BMW F650GS. fuck you dauntless you dont even get a fun big BMW you get the heavy underpowered one. go to hell 🖕

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Inquiries about whether her teammate Assault was her boyfriend or her brother had been met with coy deflections, leading a small fraction of the local superhero fans to surmise he was both. 

I do sorta get why confirming the dating or related status of Assault and Battery would be not the best idea from the PRT/Protectorate, but I also think that maybe, just maybe, playing coy doesn't help? A flat no, while certainly also likely to spur conspiracy theories, would probably do better.

[goldberg-loren-car-accident-law]

[goodnight-bloodsucker]

Killerwatt: What shade of lipstick is that?

Flat-Top: Flamin hot cheeto dust.

[bobauthorman]

[greenl-ungs]

All shameless does is glamorize living in the south side of Chicago and having trouble living with money problems, underage smoking and drinking, and doing illegal or unethical things to get by, and a lot of sex.

And it’s working

[kitkat-the-muffin]

Going to Mars

[attorneyinaurora-1]

If you are confronted with charges related to DUI, Assault and Battery, Domestic Violence, or Theft, NED C Khan offers a strong and strategic defense aimed at safeguarding your rights and ensuring you receive the justice you deserve. With over 30 years of experience in the legal arena, he stands out as an excellent option for your criminal defense requirements.

[epitome-the-burnkid-viii]

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Siberian and Shatterbird are to escape the city, and our business with you will be done. Thank you.  – c.

Seriously? Cauldron?

Fuck the shit off.

I can see how the whole 'Assault wooing Battery' bits (that we see) don't age well, especially since Assault really is the whole reason she got powers, for revenge, etc, but I mean... a TV show where the start of it is Battery getting powers to go after Madcap, and somewhere in the middle she captures him and he switches sides and they eventually get together...

I mean, that would work pretty well. People would ship it hard.

In real life, wearing the other person down is... generally not a good idea, especially in a workplace environment and the age difference between them, etc.

In fiction... it's okay. I'm not someone who gets worked up over that, tbh. I can see why some people look in askance at it, why WB himself (from what I gather) is not totally thrilled with it. But I don't mind it. People's perceptions change.

Arguably we could have done to see more of their relationship development, for it to land better, but the point of the Interlude isn't really that, it's more ancillary.

Though WB, when he does an Interlude right, is usually doing about four things at once with it.

When he does an Interlude right. When he does it wrong, he's doing either (at best) one thing, or like, twenty-six things all at once, which is a bit too many, to say the least.

But also, no, Cauldron, the Siberian surviving doesn't advance your plans, sweet jesus why the fuck those two. Jack Slash and Bonesaw would make more sense.

WHY SHATTERBIRD? What, you think she can be used against Scion? Pfft

[goldberg-loren-car-accident-law]

What to Do After a Slip and Fall Accident in Portland

[actuallyjustabiscuit]

I have a toasty take

I know everyone is gushing about how adorable this official Glitch merch sticker is (and I don’t blame em)

But considering Pomni’s expression and the lack of reciprocation with the hug, I personally read this as Pomni not quite appreciating Ragatha’s comforting gesture but is ultimately resigned to letting it happen because fully rejecting it (after admitting she hasn’t been appreciative enough of her efforts) would feel even worse.

Could I stop reading too much into things and just enjoy these Jesterdoll crumbs like everyone else?

Sure

Will my brain let me do that?

Well…

I feel like ever since Gooseworx has stated that Pomni does not like being touched, I can’t help but apply that to every interaction between these two because it just adds so much in my opinion.

Ragatha is literally designed to emulate a comfort object and Pomni does not find her usual means of comfort…comforting.

To me, that’s just delicious irony.

Pomni fully understands now that everything Ragatha does is well-meaning, so she wouldn’t want Ragatha to think that her level of care and concern isn’t wanted, that she isn’t wanted.

Just look at how delighted this dork gets when she finally gets positive affirmation.

She’s almost bashful from the gratitude. Like she had fully convinced herself, up until this moment, that Pomni does indeed not like her.

Sure they were on friendlier terms after Pomni came back with Gummigoo, but remember how that concluded?

And considering how often Ragatha holds herself when anxious, it’s only natural she’d believe others function the same way.

Because hugs are nice, right?

Are the hugs working, Pomni?

Hugs are supposed to make you feel better.

Why aren’t you feeling better?

[factual-flittermouse]

If Tim Drake is “Rob” and Connor Kent is “Kon”/“Con,” a crime scene with the both of them on site is probably a little confusing

[milkcioccolato]

Poor feral baby Shin has never used a public transport in her entire life, she doesn’t know how they work