#Asshole warlord with little to show for his trouble

[youngerfrankenstein]

You ever feel like the universe is enabling you?

[the-firebird69]

Watch ""It's Carrie!" - Carrie (1976)" on YouTube

These people these guys the clone in the theater and nightmare. Some s were very enemies are clinging to us, I can't stand their verbiage what they look like they're out of control in seconds because of what they're saying they say I can't stand being in that guy and stuff like that and it's true and a normal people my son can't stand him and hate them so I kill everybody it jumps around them hangs around with them if he has to, has to watch them in their hands. Now they know about it too I've been staying away for quite a while I tried it in the mall and Chris and Kendra watching them and they didn't get away with it and people were behind them too and behind Chris and Ken and they were trying and shows it but they're nuts they are completely not somebody and I'm trying to kidnap him and are dangerous and they do nasty things to people like you see the museum and retrofitting them dismantling them all sorts of things so we're going to do but we have to stop them and we have to be here I'm going to take it out on them too they're very angry that you piss us off you're going to be sorry. These people have taken a beating and they're not up for for it not many of them and they can't do much some of them are possessed and we used them and we need more of that but we need people here right now. And I'm ordering it. This is the movie Carrie and it's really one of Hera's possessed characters. She has her in the movie is a redhead and there's a reason for that cuz she's always got black hair and she's always galivating around as her self more or less. And she's acting the statement making the statement she knows what you look like to put you act like what you sound like she also knows that these clones are a huge assholes and pretty much understands why and nobody can stand them at all they drag them down and they hurt them got them in trouble they're not even holding the bag we started hitting the clones when we heard this again later and you're not even holding the bag so what's the deal and figured it out it's because of Mac no it just tied using it hide isn't it so good after now for the comments have a rude bastards a mealed wellwe ain't it sounds like a clean crisp dollar bill and a new one like that

Hera well she has psionic powers and telekinesis and terrorizes people at school and they pull it out for a little she goes after the people that took her out of school and she should I really shouldn't be terrorizing people at school she learns that they're a problem because that's the latest not much of one and the guy is a dick and he's after her because she figured out some secrets and secrets of his that it becomes a movie series and it is Carmen Electra and it is how it begins and she's possessed and she's out to destroy him and he's like a warlord in her area and that's how she found out who he was I told people even around there and they still don't get it it's not really true he says secretly some of the higher up Max start noticing and they are happy to use her to divulge it at least at a certain point and I get that

This is awesome movie this is an awesome start to the movie and it's going to be getting a lot of superhero movies and basically it's one of the first we've done ever and it's a woman first

Olympus

[malarki]

Harry Potter FanFiction I greatly enjoy (it’s just tomarry and sevitus)

Fair warning, I’m not good at describing stuff, and most of these are not complete (yet) but if you have similar tastes as I do then you’ll definitely like these stories.

Meddling of a Mischief Maker - by Athy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5380535/chapters/12427268

I enjoy this fic because it shows a more human Voldemort with him still being an asshole as per usual. They do a good job of having Voldemort believably change into a not crazy murderous bastard haha. It also has Sirius interacting with Voldemort and for some reason I find those scenes hilarious in any fic I read.

“Harry's being a horcrux is a bit reworked here in this AU Story set during the summer after 5th year. A Mischief Maker intervenes in the Ministry during Voldemort and Dumbledore's duel, changing the course history. MorallyGrey!Dumbledore, Sirius, Restored Souls, HP/TR”

Draw Me After You (Let Us Run) - by ToAStranger @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22327684/chapters/53334382

This story is a delight, it’s tone is very good and they do a great job of writing in the characters ‘voices’ for their pov’s. I especially like the posh way Voldemort talks and acts. This story is also hilarious on top of just being a very good slowburn, AND it has Sirius, which as you might have guessed, I love dearly. They also don’t bash any of the characters, and instead make them well rounded but flawed individuals, which I really appreciate.

“Harry Potter,” comes the soft, sibilant hiss of a voice he has heard in his dreams, in his nightmares, in his waking hours for years.

Slowly, carefully, Harry twists over and pushes up onto his hands and knees. He stays there, short breath fogging in front of his face, and his pursuer lets him. Harry has no doubt of that; he’s being allowed this respite. This small moment to catch his bearings, heart pounding in his ears, blood singing.

“It seems I have finally caught you.”

Consuming Shadows - by Child_OTKW @childotkw

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7040089/chapters/16011331

I’ve read two of childOTKW’s fics and both of them are fantastically written and attention grabbing stories. This one was the first one I read, and it has a very interesting take on lily Potter (one which I really enjoy) and the plot can leave you on the edge of your seat at times. The characterization is great, and the process of Harry and Tom getting to know each other is done very well.

“His attention skipped passed the students and moved to the politicians’ pavilion. His gaze locked with crimson, and he nearly faltered under the sheer hunger in those eyes.

It unnerved him how fixated the man was on his dirtied, exhausted figure.

But what troubled him more was the slight smirk he could make out on the man’s lips. It was almost pleased.

On the night of the attack, Lily managed to escape with her infant son, but at the cost of her husband’s life. Distraught and distrusting of her friends, she fled to France with Harry, to raise him away from the corruption in Britain and the rising influence of the Dark Lord. She trains him to the best of her abilities, shaping him into a dangerous, intelligent and powerful wizard.

But when Britain re-establishes the Triwizard Tournament, and Harry is forced to return to his once-home, he finds himself questioning whether he really wants to kill the Dark Lord. Voldemort finds an unexpected challenge in the child, and as his intrigue and amusement grows, so too does the desire to possess the spark in those defiant green eyes.”

A story that is kind of similar but not really: The Train to Nowhere

You Belong To Me (I Belong To You) - by child_OTKW

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11270490/chapters/25203408

This is a story inspired by the manwha ‘At The End Of The Road’ by Haribo. A comic I read before reading this, which is very good I recommend it. They do not take the exact plot from the comic though, obviously changing significant details for it to work properly as a Tomarry Fic, but one main thing stays the same, which is that this is a body swap. Honestly I really enjoy childOTKW’s works, and this is no exception. The characterization is wonderful as always, and Harry is Fantastic. Plus I’ve always been a fan of time travel fics. (Fair warning this is another slow burn and Harry centric)

“What I find absolutely fascinating,” Riddle said, stalking closer, “is you.” He marched forward, backing Harry up until he was pinned to the cool wall of the common room. “Do you know why?”

“No. And I’ll be honest here, Riddle, I don’t particularly care.”

The taller boy grinned at him, small yet infinitely pleased. “That. Right there.” One hand rose and brushed some of Harry’s fringe from his face. “Nathan Ciro was a spineless little boy too afraid of his own shadow to dare even glance in my direction. But you…”

He leaned closer, “You look at me like you want to stab me.”

“After an accident, Auror Harry Potter wakes up in the body of fourteen year old Nathan Ciro, a tormented Slytherin who recently tried to end his own life. Seeking answers to his strange predicament, Harry returns to Hogwarts, and causes quite the stir through staff and students - especially when they come to realise he is not the same boy as before.

He tries to avoid suspicion, but as his quest for the truth draws more and more attention to him, Harry begins to think that he might not like what he will discover.”

Some Bonus AU tomarry

A Thousand Paths Among The Stars - by Haplessshippo @haplesshippo

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12015060/chapters/27191238

This is a star trek au and it’s honestly my favorite tomarry au fic. Granted, I am a huge sci-fi fan. There’s also a bit of a twist at the end, or at least it surprised me, due to the way we usually expect tomarry plots to go.

“Harry Potter, newly appointed Captain of the Marauder and son of the famous Captain James Potter, was falling apart at the seams. His crew didn’t respect him, he was lost in the empty expanse of space, nightmares plagued his sleep, and his Commander deserved the Captain position more than he did. Good thing multiple attempts on his life and a vicious warlord after his head was all it took to turn it all around.

Alternatively, that space fic in which Harry Potter almost dies too many times, Tom Riddle slowly becomes the most smitten fool on the ship, and the rest of the crew are all just a bunch of assholes with popcorn watching the show. And exploding ships, don't forget the exploding ships.”

The Matchmaker - by TanninTele

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16507676/chapters/38664089

I am ALSO a huge true crime fan, and this story has a criminal that kinda reminds me of one that might appear in Hannibal (but with less murder). I enjoy the characterization, though tom is pretty tame in this compared to more cannon fics, considering he’s not the criminal and instead an investigator. Harry is also different from how people usually portray him, but I still like it.

“'The Matchmaker' is a serial abductor whose modus operandi consists of pairing two same-sex individuals together in a coffin, six feet underground - buried alive. He isn't a killer. He's a kidnapper with morals, and Detective Chief Inspector Tom Riddle finds himself obsessed with solving the case.

Unfortunately for Tom, the Matchmaker is just as intent on knowing him.”

And on to the Sevitus Stories

Far Beyond A Promise Kept - by oliversnape

https://archiveofourown.org/works/547431/chapters/974693

A classic, Harry stays with snape and unintentionally proves all his assumptions wrong and makes snape care about him. Both the stories have this aspect, but this one has snape a bit nicer from the get go. Probably because it takes place during the third book, so they’ve only known each other two years. It’s quite wholesome though, and I rather enjoy the progression of their relationship.

“Snape never wanted anyone to know of his promise to Dumbledore, but has realised that he can protect Potter much better by taking a less passive role in the boy's training. Actually liking Harry Potter has never been part of his plan. mentor/guardian.”

Crime And Punishment - by melolcatsi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24102232/chapters/58018174

Snape and Harry have way more of a rocky start in this one, and Snape having to pick Harry up from the police station Really Doesn’t Help Snape’s opinion of him. This story very realistically shows the progression of their relationship, going from enemies to family, and near the ‘end’ (it’s not finished) it becomes very wholesome with Snape trying to help Harry with his mental and physical health after years of abuse/ neglect.

“Harry is accused of burglary. The Dursleys leave him to rot. Dumbledore sends Snape to remedy the situation. Harry finds himself in the care of an irate Snape. Not slash, gen-fic w/ focus on Sevitus relationship. Angst galore. Warnings: coarse and suggestive language, mentions of abuse/neglect. Un-betaed and un-Britpicked.”

[sunset-synthetica]

Top 5 Transformers characters >:3 alternate version to make it even harder/easier if you can't choose or need to kill time: top 5 characters from each of your top 5 pieces of Transformers media >:D

HSHCBDBFFNFN O K A Y

Again, these are in no specific order, I'm shit at picking my favourite anything

Also please do not expect these to be serious I literally forgot 70% of all characters the moment I saw this ask so I'm really sorry. These are literally 90% TFP characters 😭

1- TFP Ratchet, of course. He's the grumpy but caring grandpa that I deserve but did not get. I would die for him. Did not hesitate to get high on potentially very dangerous steroids to help his team. Love him (also his fucking. Backpack antena thing is so cute I can't-)

2- I'll just. I'll just say it. It's IDW Megatron. Grumpy old grandpa, but this time he's also an ex warlord. Fucking asshole and I love him. This man would not hesitate to kick me into the Sun. Love his story arc & the fact that he killed Tarn.

3- AGENT FOWLER. HE IS DONE WITH EVERYONE'S BS. TIRED AS HELL. NOT EVEN 30 YEARS OF SLEEP COULD HELP HIM. THIS MAN EXISTS OUT OF SHEER SPITE. 70% OF HIM IS JUST MADE OF COFFEE BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY THING KEEPING HIM ALIVE. IF YOU PUT HIM AND MEGATRON INTO ONE ROOM YOU'D HAVE TO TAPE FOWLER'S MOUTH SHUT WITH FLEX TAPE BECAUSE HE ABSOLUTELY WOULD TIRE MEGATRON TO DEATH BY LISTING OFF ALL THE PROPERTY DAMAGE HE'S CAUSED. HE CAN & ABSOLUTELY WILL LOOK A GIANT ALIEN WARLORD IN THE FACE AND INSULT HIM. He's also the only TFP character powerful enough to say 'fuck'.

4- This probably isn't surprising at all but TFP Optimus??? Like first off hello can he please adopt me. And second off I just??? Really like all the subtle expressions and things he does in the show. I genuenly like what the writers/animators were doing, even if I wish they hadn't been afraid "what will the kids think" & had given OP some more interesting moments then "Engage battle mode" and "Exposition time 😎😎😎".

OP's been through a lot of shit, lost a lot of people and things that mattered to him, but he still cares and is willing to get himself killed just to save others. His family consists of a feral medic, a big soft idiot who can Break Things, a dumbass teenager, a Motorcycle Mom- a less known version of the Helicopter Mom- and three little human kids who absolutely live getting into trouble. He somehow still keeps his cool & does his best to protect all of them, and I pray to gods that I can, one day, be just like that.

5- TFP Starscream (or any Starscream, really). His design is so damn nice- even if he can barely bend his legs bc otherwise they'll clip through his thighs- and it perfectly captures the stick bug gremlin energy. I would not hesitate to pay for his therapy. He may be a war criminal, but he's also traumatized. I would personally throw hands with Megatron on Starscream's behalf.

[vvatchword]

In Which I Read about the Crusades

After reading the book Medieval Bodies, I decided to read The Crusades.

It is not often that I read a historical account and so COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY loathe the people in it, but that's how I feel about the motherfuckin Franks. If someone gave me a time machine and a bowl of rotten eggs, I'd pop out during Pope Urban II's speech and peg him RELENTLESSLY.

Here's the reason they attacked the Holy Land: some pilgrims may have been mistreated on the way to Jerusalem? Maybe. Also, Constantinople's emperor is having some trouble with some Muslim horsemen (notably, the Seljuq Turks), and called for aid. BY THE WAY, Jerusalem is SUPER important yo! (I should mention that Jerusalem had been under Arab control for FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING YEARS at this point.) Pope Urban made sure to talk up how Christians were murdered right and left in the most despicable ways by their Muslim overlords. This............... was patently false. Like we can prove that it was false. (Stick a pin in this.)

So envision the Middle East around the 1090s: the Muslim rulers are pretty chill with other religions as long as those people pay taxes (and, depending on where you lived, wear certain colors). However, the Sunni and the Shi'ites are going at it, and the Muslim world spreads across a vast part of the world, so it's weak and fractured and full of little warlords.

Then: THE FRANKS happen. ("Franks" is a misnomer as they weren't all from the same place.) They are also from a fractured world full of little warlords. Except at least I can imagine the Turks, you know, fighting for territory, or getting pissy about someone with a wildly irritating religious view that directly impacts their power dynamics, but... the Franks basically heard a single speech from the Pope secondhand (who back then was not a powerhouse, I might add; religious power was split between several Christian "Patriarchs" across the ancient world) and the Franks were like the seagulls from Nemo: "WAR? WAR? WAR?"

I simplify, obviously. Pope Urban took the idea of "holy war" and equated it to penance, with the ability to wipe out sin. This was revolutionary at the time--until his predecessor, killing was seen as a moral stain that would at LEAST extend your time in Purgatory. So... cool! Thanks Pope Urban! We see your echoes all the way into the modern day! Fuck you!

So these morons who can't fucking read get super excited. This is what they hear out of Urban's speech: 1) Fighting will save my eternal soul! 2) LIBERATE JERUSALEM FROM MUSLIMSSSS Bonus: BOOTY AND LAND BITCHES. AND MAYBE BITCHES, TOO, I DON'T KNOW

So human lives, wellbeing, stability, and security were basically thrown to a bunch of unwashed meatheads based on a game of Telephone and the office of a fledgling Popedom (with the aim of being Best Patriarch, just as Jesus would have wanted).

These motherfucking idiots! Oh my god, it's a wonder they didn't kill themselves! Well. I mean. They actually did. So the first crusade, the People's Crusade, is led by some asshole on a donkey named Peter (a cursed name, as you will soon see), and involves hordes of common folk. They get wiped out almost immediately. Peter lives. (A lot of the leader assholes live when they should've died horribly. I think we all know why.)

The next crusade is stupid in a whole different way. Five different princelings show up at different times at the gates of Constantinople, envisioning a grand campaign with the Byzantine emperor at the helm. The Byzantine emperor just wanted some meat shields between him and those Muslim guys so he's like ???? I'm glad you guys are so into this but I'm going to stay here and govern? Here are some gifts. Fighting is this way. Get out there! Rah rah rah and good luck champ haha BYE

These five princelings are leaders of highly disparate forces, and they all came from different places, and each one wants to be a ruler, so they're champing at the bit for some action. They have only one common goal: a Christian Jerusalem. They share one commonality: they're Christian. And that's pretty much it. Some of them want land. Others want booty. All of them are nobodies in their native lands. They immediately begin by laying siege to Antioch.

Immediately, the fuckery begins.

No, wait, I was wrong. The fuckery started long before but I'd go on wayyyy too long if I started there. (The People's Crusade murdered whole towns of Jews in cold blood. I hate people so much)

Antioch's ruling Muslims are like, well, fuck you, and fuck your Christian friends who live in here! So they proceed to drag out the Christian Patriarch of Antioch--a revered position that had existed peacefully in Antioch since ancient times--hang him by his feet above the walls, and beat him with an iron rod to piss off the Crusaders. The Crusaders reply by launching heads into Antioch. And so on and so forth, each group trying to show how fucky they were. (They both won Asshole Prizes in spectacular fashion, I'm sure they'd be proud to know.)

Eventually, some Antioch guard named Firuz is like, "Haha fuck the people in my city" and lets the invaders in. Firuz is the biggest question mark here and I would LOVE to know why he did this shit, because surely his entire family and everything he ever knew was in Antioch? He actually leads the Crusaders to his other guard coworkers and helps them KILL them. This is fucking brutal. (I immediately began imagining which of my previous coworkers would have led assholes into my station to kill me and I could think of some people, actually. Fuckin Larry, you guys. Also, everybody I work with right now, for the most part. Never mind, I completely understand Firuz now. Fuck you, too, Firuz.)

The crusaders thus sweep into Antioch. The Christians of Antioch, pissed off about the Muslim maltreatment since the Franks showed up, run to open the gates. The Franks enter... and proceed to murder them. In fact, they murder everybody they can find! Christians, Jews, Muslims! WAR WAR WAR WAR

Freshly sin-free, the crusaders take the city right on time (in fact, much of their haste to take the city is because of this): up comes Kerbogha, Mosuli general, who longs to take Syria for himself. His force outnumbers the crusaders... I want to say two to one, at least. BUT his force is also highly disparate, pulled from various places, and they're more or less mercenaries. Also, if these various Muslim generals are anything consistently, it's too fucking cocky.

The crusaders are now themselves the besieged... in a city they had just held under siege. You can probably see where this goes sideways AT ONCE. There is no food. They start to eat shoes and random leather they find in alleys. All the dead bodies start rotting. The invaders were already in terrible straits from the siege itself, having no supply line to speak of--the Byzantine emperor has pretty much just let them do their thing--and the knights don't have horses anymore as most of them have succumbed from disease (apparently they were riding pack animals like oxen and donkeys at some point, with their toes "dragging in the dirt").

Well, the Franks get pretty desperate almost immediately. This ain't no way to live!!! They immediately send a note to Kerbogha begging him to let them leave plz they just wanna go home : )

"Nah. Fight your way out," Kerbogha replies.

This is the right answer. Too bad Kerbogha wasn't prepared for the sheer Florida-Man levels of crazy that is a Medieval Frank. The Franks decide that, well, nobody wants to starve to death. So I guess we fight like men uwu

About this same time, a commoner named Peter Bartholomew is digging around in St. Peter's Basilica and finds what he says is the "Holy Lance" that pierced Christ's side. St. Andrew showed him where it was because he had nothing else going on at the time. It's just... some metal piece, who even knows what it is. One of the princelings, a guy named Raymond (who I can't stop imagining as an Animal Crossing villager), immediately latches onto this as a form of social currency. It's not clear who believed this and who was using this as a way to bring the fractious Crusaders together, but I guess it doesn't matter, wait until you SEE WHAT THESE FUCKERS DO

The Crusaders all expect to die. They do all their last rites, fast, stock priests on the walls to pray, and march out on the morning of June 28, 1098. I was practically on tenterhooks at this point because I hated these motherfuckers so much, but I knew there had been more than two crusades, so... tell me they don't win... tell me they don't...

Fucking KERBOGHA

Kerbogha hesitates to allow the Franks to fully exit the city, but when he sees that they're actually making some ground, he loses his nerve and kickstarts his forces too early. When he advances, it's awkwardly and serried, and his forces aren't in line with each other. So when the crazy-ass Franks start kicking ass out of one of these Muslim mercenary packs--probably out of a combination of desperation and body odor--the frontline shatters and flees, and a domino effect begins where the far vaster Muslim army begins a tattered retreat. Almost NONE of Kerbogha's force dies. ALMOST NONE OF THEM. HE STILL RUNS. HE HAS TO RUN

I cannot begin to explain to you how stupid lucky the crusaders were. Kerbogha couldn't believe it either. Nobody could believe this dumb shit. God was thanked profusely. The Franks were clearly super blessed because isn't this what Jesus always wanted? Raymond's like, clearly it's because of Peter Bartholomew and this Holy Lance we so fortunately dug up recently!

During the rout, some Franks are so hungry they jump on some fallen Saracens (thankfully dead) and eat their buttmeat. This goes back to the Arab world: "Those crazy assholes were eating assholes."

The Franks then start toward Jerusalem. Raymond Hipster Cat starts pushing his luck. He wants to build a little nation of his own, and he's using his personal holy man, Peter B., bearer of the metal thing, to drive the other crusaders onto his personal mission of "conquer other people's shit." They conquer some random land because What Would Jesus Do. Peter B.'s visions and commands grow weirder and weirder until he decides that Jesus himself told him to kill thousands of "sinful" crusaders. (This supports my idea that the actual god of the Crusades was Eris, Goddess of Chaos.) Everyone's like, "Whaaaat? Jesus wants us to die????"

(Probably, tbh)

So this is when they decide that Jesus is lying. I mean, that Peter B. is lying. Peter B. says, I'LL SHOW YOU GUYS. He fasts for four days and they build big brush piles and set them on fire. Then, simply dressed, Peter B. runs through the inferno with his magic junk lance. As we all know, running through fires is the only arbiter of truth.

It takes him twelve days to die.

Raymond Hipster Cat's power is broken and the Crusaders FINALLY march on Jerusalem. And wouldn't you know it? These ragged hobo losers TAKE THE FUCKING CITY. Somehow they did this despite:

* The Franks splitting up (Raymond kept trying to pretend he was special shit)

* Jerusalem being surrounded by walls, with a full garrison

* Jerusalem's governor laying waste to the countryside so the Franks wouldn't have fresh water, fuel, or food (some Frankish camp followers accidentally drank leeches)

* No siege materials

* Running so quickly to get to Jerusalem--in order to outpace Jerusalem's inevitable reinforcements--that they had no supply line

* The knights STILL not having horses

The Franks basically built siege engines on the fly, tricked the Muslims into fortifying ONE part of the wall, then overnight moved the siege engine to an unprotected wall. Then, when they got in, they proceeded to murder the fuck out of everybody over a course of two days. Who the fuck are you? Not one of us Murder Hobos? and ALIVE? Get FUCKED

They killed so many people that they were wading in blood up to their ankles.

At the end of the FIRST day of murders, they had a big loud party at the Church of the Holy Sepulchre. Fresh after braining babies and cutting off the hands of random-ass civilians, after saving so many Christi--well, after saving some theoretical Christians, somewhere, theoretically--they marched up to that church crying happy tears and singing about how cool god is C: And then they started more killing the very next day

To this DAY the Crusades carry heavy negative power in the Muslim world. And for what???? FOR FUCKING WHAT

NOBODY WAS SAVED. Not even Christians were saved. The Franks were too stupid to know who was a fucking Christian and who was not, possibly because Christians look just like everyone else, and murdered the fuck out of them reliably. And in exchange, these fucking Frankish meatheads lit a fire under the Muslim world's collective ass that is STILL smoldering to this day.

Also, reading this, the only thing that consistently jumps out at me is: the poor freaking Jews, they're just chilling 9 times out of 10 and some asshole comes by and murders them for breathing. There are assholes out there who think these poor downtrodden people have been in control of the universe since time immemorial aaaaand nope it's just genocide for the Jews. Over and over and over.

Fuck Crusaders, fuck this book, fuck people holy shit

I hate that the trajectory of world events can be changed by dumbasses

[gildedmuse]

Hey any One Piece fans out there without a brain not destroyed from a full time job, an impending move and two days travel, I just had a few questions and Google is being annoying by note immediately giving me the precise answers I want.

[ETA: Wait, I feel bad for just playing questions. I don't think this picture will be able to load but if it does here:

Have this totally accurate self portrait of me and Law's just whole fucking character from North Blue to Zou and especially the Sabaody bit in between]

1. Was Heavenly Demon Doflamingo's actual pirate epithet? I feel like they only started to use it once the show wanted to make the ex- celestial dickbag connection extremely fucking clear so I honestly can't tell if it's his like official pirate title or the show yelling clues at me.

2. Most these warlords have fleets, right? If you fly the flag of a Shichibukai can the navy compel you to act if your nearby? Say to defend a base or attack some annoying bitch ass pirate who isn't as funny as he thinks actually please give our lieutenant his head back goddamn. I know the warlord's themselves are fickle about those things, but if it's just underlings how does that work?

3. Did Jinbei have a crew prior to the whole lock this asshole up in prison for not supporting our unnecessary war that will almost certainly end in hundreds to thousands of our men's life's? I don't think he did. I'm gonna lean no.

4. Just before Sabaody were like lieutenants and captaina and shit still giving the Strawhats a fight or were they squarely in vice admiral territory because if so wow that upgrade from vice to full had to be a goddamn shock to Luffy. Also I'm hoping it's structures very similarly to what I'm familiar with.

5. So it was like a year from Luffy harassing tricking bribing winning over Zoro's alligence with tots reasonable arguments to their Sabaody, right? Or from when the enter the grand line? Which is considering hella fast. On the other hand, by Zou Law has apparently been pirating around with Bepo for like nine years. Minus two that's seven years of just fucking around. But he's still considering a rookie. So is the first half usually more of a two to three year deal? I can see that for the others, though feels like it didn't take Kid and Killer that long. Just throwing that out there. Maybe cut back on the juggling severed heada practice time and spend a couple less days just sitting around making a personalized wardrobe for yourself and your crew, Law, and a little more time pirating. Oh, and cut down on the messing around with marines for kicks. Sabaody Law definitely wasted time just going around giving no fucks.

(Time has no real meaning, clear passage, or sense of logic in the vast majority of this show -yeah, I said it. Fight me. Please don't I'm actually always terrible at timelines.)

6. This is just... This wiki page is giving me all kinds of trouble so I can't check. Law was nine at his parents death, 11 when he found Doflamingo and 13 at Corazon's death? That's all fucking guess work because this goddamn internet and my exhausted brain are in cahoots.

Thanks for any help you can offer. Hopefully my phone will stop trying to get me to break down in tears and just magically stop being an asshole and I'll get some rest and can get the answers eventually. My brain has this thing where it's unable to cope with rest if it has research to get through and nothing is being done. I believe it's called Academic Self Destructive Panic Syndrome.

[nad-zeta]

Okay, I'm SO curious who you'd match me with (if you don't have time for that, it's fine tho 😊) I'm outspoken and headstrong if I'm convinced to do the right thing, but also emphatic and try to help everyone. I believe in karma, so try to be kind to people. I'm often impatient, but never with people who try their best. I regularly want to do seven things at once and end up doing none, but most of the time I try to stick to the plan. I'm not really romantic, but see love in the little things. 😊

Hi, there love! I always have time to do a match up for ya!<3 Thanx so much for the request! sorry for taking soooo long lol! I hope you enjoy! 

Hehe, I had some difficulty with your matchup cause I could easily see you with most of the warlords… but finally, I made a decision! 

So I match you with..................... Ieyasu

Wow you were an outspoken firecracker when you first arrived. You definitely didn’t take the warlords shit! Although in saying that even though you were a strong-willed, determined woman, you were also incredibly gentle and kind. That firecracker in you only really came out when you were threatened or had to stand up for your beliefs. After made sure Nobunaga understood that you were not to be treated like some toy or object, you reverted to your crazy sweet, kind state. You reminded them all so much of a 2nd Mitsunari. An angel in disguise. You were loving and compassionate towards everyone, even Hideyoshi stopped suspecting you after seeing how hard you were working and what a sweetie pie you were.

 Ieyasu would often pull his face at your pure, innocent naivety; he didn’t need another Mitsunari making his life difficult. He would usually roll his eyes whenever you and Mitsunari would beam at each other and talk about your days. Although you quickly came to realize his contradictory ways, as he would always whisper explanations of complicated war jargon to you during war councils, because quote on quote, “your clueless expression can be seen from a mile away.” Or he would even bring you food to eat during banquets because “a weakling like you would faint in a second if you don’t eat a proper meal.” After that, you made up your mind that there was more to this sulky boy than meets the eye.

On day Nobunaga declared that you, Masamune, and Ieyasu were to join him in settling a dispute in a neighboring region. Naturally, you rode with Ieyasu because if you were to ride with Masamune, the two of you may get lost and cause more trouble for him. Ieyasu held you gently in his arms, going at a slow, steady pace to ensure maximum comfort, although he would never admit to doing that. 

You guys discovered that the local daimyo of the region was overtaxing his people to the point of starvation as he would take their all their crops as payment as well as any money they made from selling what little they had left. In addition, the daimyo had switched loyalties, so this was a trap to lure Nobunaga out and assassinate him while trying to settle the dispute. You, Masa, Nobunaga, and Ieyasu were heavily outnumbered, as the daimyos goons started filing into the room ready to kill you guys. You honestly felt sick to your stomach at the way this man was using and abusing the people he was put in charge of. As the fight broke out and continued, you spotted the daimyo trying to sneak away in the chaos. It was now time for your fight or flight instincts to kick in, and you chose to fight. You ran out the door to follow him, dodging all the weapons flying through the air. Out the corner of his eye, Yasu spotted you chasing after the daimyo and swiftly fought his way through the room to follow you. You ran as fast as you could down the hallway to catch up to the guy. Once he was within arm’s reach, you threw yourself to the ground, grabbing hold of his legs in a tackle. Unfortunately, you had forgotten everyone had carried weapons in the past. The man was twice your size, and his attention was now entirely on you. The two of you wrestled for a while until he drew his sword. Things were looking pretty grim for you. He drew his sword high in the air, intending to deliver a final blow to end your life when it was blocked by non-other than the porcupine boy himself. At this point, all his goons had been defeated, and it was just the daimyo left. You were still on the floor and decided to help Yasu out by kicking the man’s knees in, causing him to tumble to the ground allowing Yasu to knock him out. You let out a sigh of relief at finally being safe. Emerald eyes full of anger was now turned on you “Silly girl, what were you thinking tackling a guy twice your size to the ground, do you have a death wish or something,” You stated that you couldn’t just stand by and watch that sleazy guy get away from inflicting so much pain and hurt on other. You had only acted on instinct. Before things got too heated, Masamune defused the situation by complimenting the brave lass on saving the day. He walked you out of the room and gave you a ride back

That night an unexpected guest knocked on your door. Yasu let himself in. You were shocked; you kind of low key thought he really disliked you, especially by the way he was calling you weak and stupid for 20mins after talking down that asshole. He sat down gently in front of you and gave you a salve for your hands and legs, cause during your little wrestling match with the daimyo you got a few scratches and bruises. You were double shook, especially when he wore such a gentle expression. He apologized for what he said, all while stuttering and being as red as a tomato. He stated that he wasn’t angry, just worried about what could have happened if he wasn’t there to protect you. At the end of his little apology, he admitted he was wrong for calling you weak because he had never seen a woman so headstrong in his life before, much less take down a man twice her size without a second thought. He gave you a small head pat hoping to convey his feelings and left. And so, your friendship started.

In the weeks that followed, he took it upon himself to teach you some self-defense in the form of archery. He definitely didn’t choose to teach you this so that he can hold you in his arms while guiding you to fire an arrow or anything. The two of you actually got to get to know each other a bit better through these lessons. You, for one, had come to see the real Yasu, a gentle kind spirit. You fell in love with him a little during these lessons. Often after these lessons, he would invite you over for some tea, obviously, under the pretense of you needing to rehydrate; otherwise, you are going to cause problems for him if you fainted from dehydration. During one of these tea dates, you even got to meet the little fawn. Better yet, Ieyasu gave you a basket full of veg to feed the little deer by hand, your heart was won.

One day you were busy carrying some books back to the archive when you spotted Ieyasu. You called out to him so the two of you could walk together cause you noticed he was headed in the same direction. Your clumsiness decided to strike you and that very moment, as you tripped on the flat ground. You had braced yourself for the pain of hitting the floor only to land onto something soft…. Ieyasu. Both of you were now nose to nose. Yasu’s heart was beating out of his chest, and honestly, both of your faces couldn’t be any redder. You helped him up while apologizing profusely only to be met with not a scold but him laughing. You were so confused even more, so when he let it slip that, only he could fall in love with a clumsy girl like you. When that statement slipped from his mouth, his eyes went wide at the realization, and he covered his mouth with both his hands. You just smiled and grabbed hold of both his hands, pulling them down so you could give him a small kiss. You just looked at his utterly shocked expression, gave him the biggest smile, said “me too,” and continued on route to the archive. And that my friend is how your relationship started.

Both of you weren’t really big on romance, but you did show your love for each other with little gestures. Yasu also opened up completely to you during this time about everything. Especially about his past and how weak and defenseless he sometimes felt. You just accepted this softie boi with open arms. You told him your beliefs on karma and that all those who had caused him pain in the past would have to answer for their cruelties eventually. He thought he must have had some crazy good karma to have found and be loved by someone as beautifully wonderful as you. The two of you loved to spend time together cuddling and nuzzling each other. Hugging Ieyasu was like embracing a big soft cloud, it was so sweet and warm. He loved giving you little Eskimo and butterfly kisses to show his affection. His kisses were soft like a whisper and as sweet as candy. You loved it when the two of you would spend your breaks together, just playing outside with wasabi or chilling under a shady tree. Or even when he would surprise you with some homemade rice balls for the two of you to share in the garden. The two of you could often be found snuggled up together, reading while sipping on some tea in the warm summer sun.

Other potential matches.............Masamune or even Nobunaga 

I hope you enjoyed it! and thanx again for the request! ^0^

[otome-reviews]

SLBP “Counting the Stars” Event Review

Fun fact: the Tanabata/Star festival typically takes place in July, so this latest SLBP event is about 4 months too early 😂 But never mind that! Here are my quick thoughts on all four stories:

For all his book smarts, I guess Mitsunari never got around to reading the ancient Japanese equivalent of How to Win Friends and Influence People, because boy was he a massive asshole in his route. Exhibit A: “Those who let romance and sex be an excuse to neglect their duties are nothing more than pathetic wretches.” Smooth move, saying that in front of your girlfriend... 🙄  Another romantic gem: “We only went [to the festival] because I was asked to take a closer look around.” Actually no, he (pissily) went because MC asked him, but of course Mitsunari is incapable of realizing that truth himself. To be fair, his need to be on watch at the festival wasn’t actually fake, and I did think the route started redeeming itself a little after MC got kidnapped and Mitsunari THREW A SWORD at her captor before taking out a bunch of baddies alongside Sakon. Mitsunari even managed to say something cute by the end (“No matter what lies between us, I will always go to your side”)!

Overall, I thought this story was well designed in that it’s very in character with Mitsunari’s personality. That said, I didn’t find his behavior in this story until the very very end attractive or appealing in the slightest. Life’s too short to deal with rude guys who feel like they have to pretend not to be affected by love! ^_^

Personal enjoyment: 2/10

MC starts out this ES a little miffed that Saizo’s reluctant to make their relationship Facebook greengrocer official (in contrast, beefy Sasuke’s much more chill about things, even if he and MC aren’t even dating, lol). He also doesn’t seem to show any signs of caring when MC is “randomly” assigned to play Orihime alongside a flustered Yukimura as Hikoboshi in the upcoming festival play. But by the end of the story, we learn that Saizo’s been creeping on the rehearsals like the silent ninja he is, and when MC proves herself unable to finish the play on the day of, Saizo even whisks her away so they can re-enact their own happy ending to the play. ^_^

For about 80% of this story, I thought Saizo was cold/unlikeable. Which, to be fair, is true to character! Like...if Saizo can’t go public with MC because of ninja issues, why can’t he just tell her that like a normal human, yanno? But I have to say, that ending with Saizo being romantic on the cliffside was pretty great, in a weird way. And Yukimura’s and MC’s complete inability to pretend to be in love with each other for the play was hilarious. Final thoughts: Sasuke was such a sneaky bastard, with his kiss attempt on MC. Saizo’s one of the country’s top ninjas - you’d think the guy would be a little more careful about poking the hornet’s nest!

Personal enjoyment: 4/10

In Shingen’s ES, the guy isn’t too enthused about the Tanabata festival because he has way too many ceremonial obligations. And meanwhile, MC’s also sad that she and Shingen won’t be able to spend much time together on this special day - so sad, in fact, that she’s reluctant to put on the fancy yukata that Shingen buys her. Girl pls. >_< The couple does manage to enjoy a bit of time together at the festival (it’s MC’s wish and Shingen wants to make it come true!), even if on a slightly sad, time-limited note. And in the end, Sasuke’s remarkable resemblance to Shingen saves the day, and MC and Shingen are able to play hooky/enjoy a bit of cute+sexy time together as a regular couple...until Yuki walks in on them, lmao.

I thought this route was a little sad tbh, and I felt bad for poor Shingen’s plight. Although he didn’t vocalize the problem to MC directly, I do like how he showed with actions and words that he wanted to spend time with her (“What I really want is you”)! Also, I loved the side plot involving Yuki et. al trying (and failing) to discover Shingen’s adorable true wish of eating MC’s kinako-mochi (probably not an innuendo??), lmao. All in all, I thought this was a solid enough story, if a little bittersweet and definitely not Shingen’s greatest!

Personal enjoyment: 5.5/10

Shigezane’s a total sweetheart in his ES, and should win an award for being the only guy of the bunch to directly ask MC to the Tanabata festival himself (“Would you do me the honor of attending me at the festival, my noble doll?”). This guy. 😂💕 But trouble comes in the form of a predatory Genya, who “kisses” MC in front of poor Shigezane days before the festival! Poor, secretly shy Shigezane is too awkward to talk about it for days on end. He’s also struggling admirably and maturely with his own jealousy: “Does this make me just another petty-ass man who thinks he deserves to control a woman?” ​But in the end, MC and S patch things up adorably, and Gen shows it wasn’t really a kiss at all, by pecking Shigezane on the corner of his mouth as well. ...Of course he does, lmao.

Shigezane was a little awkward in this route, but I loved him and his woke self 1000% regardless. Also, I love how literally the entire town/castle ships Shigezane and MC, haha. But Genya’s kissing was absolutely insane. Wtf Genya, this isn’t France! You can’t just go around greeting people with kisses in ancient Japan!! Lmao. Overall I thought this story was ridiculous, but I still mostly enjoyed it (Genya aside). Shigezane is such a babe. 

Personal enjoyment: 7/10 ​

Taking all four stories into consideration, I really can’t say I loved this event, but I do give the writers props for having all warlords be so in character. Really speaks to the quality of SLBP that their personalities are able to shine through, even in such short stories!

[novarasalas]

Second Look Review: The Prisoner’s Dilemma

I had some trouble with this episode, which I’ll detail a bit at the end. Unfortunately, I ended up being a lot more negative about it than I would have liked. I’m hoping it’s not a trend, but...

Well.

Let's get started.

-

First off, a bit of history on the term “The Prisoner's Dilemma”.  Maybe you've heard of this,  but it was new to me.

The prisoner's dilemma is a standard example of a game analyzed in game theory that shows why two completely rational individuals might not cooperate, even if it appears that it is in their best interests to do so.

[...]

The prisoner's dilemma game can be used as a model for many real world situations involving cooperative behavior. In casual usage, the label "prisoner's dilemma" may be applied to situations not strictly matching the formal criteria of the classic or iterative games: for instance, those in which two entities could gain important benefits from cooperating or suffer from the failure to do so, but find it difficult or expensive—not necessarily impossible—to coordinate their activities.

So there's that. I was a bit weirded out by the term “prisoner” used on the context of the episode. I had a feeling that it meant something else.

- -

Here's one reason I can't just write this episode off: we're shown what the crew are doing as part of their “liberation mission”.

Also, note what they say here:

Officer: We’ve suffered little to no casualties, but half the fleet has been rendered inoperable.

They make a point to state that there are little to no casualties. It contrasts the previous season, where we see Keith actually kill several people. Now we’re back to no deaths.

Remember this; I’m going to bring it up again in later reviews.

All in all though, I wouldn't’ really call this a mission liberation. It’s more of a take over.

Warlord Lahn would rather die, either way.

Lahn: You’ve attained victory and I accept defeat.

Keith: It doesn’t have to be victory or death.

Also, I wanna bring up something here.

Lahn makes a dig at Keith (and his mom). Keith’s reaction is important because...there is no reaction. He just takes it.

I bring this up because one of the first complaints I saw about season 8 was that Keith, or even Shiro, didn’t tear this guy a new asshole for his insult.

If you didn’t know, that’s not how you do diplomacy. They just took over his base, let him be upset. A younger Keith might have flown into a rage over this. But he’s much more mature now, and with maturation comes not giving in to the urge to fight at every provocation.

The people who complained about that have obviously never worked retail. You wouldn't last a day.  

- - -

So Warlord Lahn's lost fleet comes with a surprise.

It's...that thing!

I'd forgotten about it. Remember when we were all theorizing what it was?

Well...we still don't really know what it is. But we do get this explanation:

Keith: Ranveig found the creature in the Quantum Abyss and experimented on it with Lotor’s Quintessence. He trained to to take out his Galran enemies, but...

(Lance is very concerned…)

This struck me as odd. It felt as if we were being told information we already knew. Maybe I forgot?

Let's check Season 5, Episode 5.

Krolia: Warlord Ranveig intercepted an undocumented shipment of quintessence travelling through his territory. He took it for his own and began experimenting with it. It’s more powerful than any quintessence we’ve received from the empire, and it has some very unexpected effects.

Hmmm….not really.

Also, I miss you, Krolia...

I suppose we can take this as confirmation that Ranveig only considered other Galra his enemies, but it's still a bit off.

Once again, to me it feels as if this is being presented as something we already know, and is just being reviewed. But it’s the first we’ve heard of it, save for Krolia’s very vague explanation transcribed above.

It really makes me believe that they intended to do much more with it. Maybe it was supposed to show up again in seasons 6 or 7, but it was cut out for whatever reason.

It really bums me out. This had potential, and I had been looking forward to it.

- - - -

The episode ends on the best possible note: Lahn accepting the Paladins and joining the coalition. This is in no small part thank to Keith, who very obviously saved him, but also Allura.

Yoink!

They saved him even though he yelled at them and said mean things. And for that, the Voltron Coalition are one step closer to legitimizing their status as saviors of the universe.

There’s a lesson here: A true display of kindness and patience can change hearts.

In the end, Team Voltron and the Coalition split up, which is what maybe the should have done in the first place, their motivations not being the same at this point.

And so Voltron leaves behind the Atlas, which is the Castleship replacement. The Castleship replacement being the reason they went back to Earth in the first place.

Hm.

-------

And here I have some general positive things, cause that’s my whole M.O.

First, I couldn’t GIF it so you’ll just have to watch for yourself, but Keith’s solo encounter with the creature is beautifully animated. Check out that sexy, sexy frame rate!

Second, Keith gets a boomstick.

Third, my man Ryan is here.

He doesn’t say anything, but it’s ok, I love him anyway.

And lastly, major props to Ray Chase as Lahn. I never recognize him in anything, and that’s some amazing range.

- - - - - 

In summary:

Hey, this ones not so great, I know. Not only did real life get in the way of writing this, I just wasn’t feeling it. I always try to present the facts of the story, then move one to my own thoughts, but dammit...try as I might, I got hung up on one thing and couldn’t really move on from it.

The episode is supposed to be about working through your personal feelings in order to pursue the greater good. It has a second smaller plot of dealing with the creature, and an even smaller point of showing us how the Coalition is running its mission.

But, guys...I don’t like the whole “liberation” thing.

This has everything to do with me and the fact that I came of age during the Bush era “watch out or we’ll bring democracy to your country” mindset. Seeing my faves taking out bases and calling themselves the good guys brought back some thoughts I haven’t had in a long time.

I couldn’t let it go.

So, it’s quite possible this was a well done episode. I just didn’t like watching it. I kinda don’t want to watch it again, either.

I do think that the creature is a big waste of opportunity, though.

So what did you think? Am I out of my mind for feeling like this? I haven’t seen anyone else talk about it, so I’m prepared to be the odd one out here.

Next up: 

Pidge has a bad trip.

[dngrs-untld-hrshps-unnmbrd]

Otome route reivew: Toshizo Hijikata, HAKOUKI

I played the Hakouki mobile app which includes both Kyoto Winds and Edo Blossoms back to back, but with just six routes to choose from. 

Spoilers below the cut. 

General thoughts on HAKOUKI

I absolutely love this game, from the stunning art to the historical detail, the high drama and the cute characters. It manages to combine a slow pace with peril, danger and humour. 

Why I chose Toshizo Hijikata

I’m a sucker for a military commander who is icy and dangerous but also shows flashes of sweetness and a lot of intelligence and honour. His voice is also to die for and I’m so glad they didn’t dub an English actor over the Japanese. 

Hero’s plot and character 

I’ve seen Hijikata called both a “tsundere asshole” (cold and hostile) and the “dojo mum” and he’s very much both those things. Also, he’s a samurai who says “fuck”. A lot. It’s hilarious. 

Hijikata is very much driven by his duty to the Shinsengumi, a group of ragtag samurai-but-not-really who are struggling to protect Kyoto from ronin (rogue homeless samurai) and the Imperial army. He seeks to cover his friend in glory, the in-name leader of the Shinsengumi, though it’s clear that Hijikata is the one who’s really in charge. 

This is a slow burn romance. Hijikata shows his growing affection for Chizuru through deeds, not words, but to me that’s infinitely preferable because you get the adorable and sexy protective moments coupled with both Hijikata and Chizuru pretending that they’re only focused on their goals, that’s all, I don’t like him/her, feelings, me?

He’s able to show a lot of weakness, both to the heroine and his best friend, and I love that. This is someone who goes through relentless challenges and stress and a lot of physical and mental pain. He’s very strong but he’s not one to be all “this is fine” when everything is clearly not fine. He’s more “everything’s shit so I guess I won’t sleep for the next three months.”

Heroine’s plot and character 

Chizuru is probably the most “Eastern” MC that I’ve come across so far. I was reading an interview with the writers from CYBIRD (makers of Ikemen Sengoku etc) and they were saying how when they translate their otomes into English they give the heroine lines to speak or think to herself rather than “...” which appears in the Japanese version of the game. It seems like a Japanese audience takes "...” as a thoughtful/intelligent silence or an opportunity to “mind read”, and a Western audience thinks she’s a doormat/idiot/TSTL heroine. The English version of HAKOUKI leaves in all the “...” and “I...ah...um” moments which frustrated me a little. But hey, cultural differences. 

That being said Chizuru really steps up in key moments and gives Hijikata a good damn talking to and literally keeps him alive on many occasions. One of my favourite things about their route is that both of them would be SUPREMELY FUCKED without the other and this is something they gradually discover together. Here for it. 

However, I feel there’s one major character/plot flaw related to Chizuru that can’t be explained away by cultural differences or maintaining the romantic tension.

***Spoilers from here on***

At the beginning of HAKOUKI we learn that Chizuru has had some training in self-defence and carries a sword with her everywhere she goes. The sword belongs to her mother. This is not a world where “girls don’t fight”, and Chizuru goes out on many dangerous patrols with the captains. Yes, it’s a “girls don’t usually fight” world, but given where Chizuru lives and the things that happen around her we have a good bloody reason for Chizuru to hone her battle skills. 

At multiple points in the story Chizuru asks herself how can she better help the Shinsengumi, and not once does she think, “the ranks are thinning, I’d better start training myself up so I can be of practical use”. Instead, she makes tea for Hijikata. Hrrrrrmmm. Don’t get me wrong, I love the tea scenes, they’re cute af and frankly I want to make Hijikata tea too because the poor man is so stressed. But Chizuru, your sword is right there at your hip, can you not, like, USE IT.

Maybe they didn’t want to take away opportunities for Hijikata to do his romantic protectiveness thing later in game or make the heroine too autonomous. Japanese audiences might find the idea of Warlord Chizuru off-putting. I don’t know. I suppose I can almost live with Chizuru’s passiveness in this area. 

BUT. The main flaw, which I have a lot of trouble forgiving: Chizuru, it turns out, is a goddamn demon. She’s stronger than a normal human and she heals faster than a normal human. As Hijikata takes years off his life battling Kazama all I could think was that it should be Chizuru stepping up to the fight. Everyone knows she’s a demon and that she’s unkillable unless you put a sword through her heart. Using her powers doesn’t hurt her in the slightest and it’s KILLING HIJIKATA to use his. Overlooking this was such a “wtf” thing to me. 

The romance and resolution

A long, long time ago the “I don’t need him to love me, I just need to be with him, always, while we work together for the greater good” trope made me it’s bitch so I lapped this stuff up in later chapters. Because the Hijikata/Chizuru romance is all noble deeds rather than sweet words and kissing I was in agonies over whether we would actually GET any kissing and love pledges. But thank fuck we do and that moment was perfect for Hijikata and Chizuru. I know some people read “I’m probably in love with you” and wanted to hurl their phones/laptops/vitas across the room, but I loved it and cackled like crazy. 

We also got some chapters post-pledge and it was nice to be “in” the romance before the game ended. I can’t fault this slow-burn goodness.

My next route

Probably Hijikata a few dozen more times :’) I’m really interested in Saito and Harada as well and I’ll probably buy the Steam version so I can try the Kazama route too. This is definitely a game to play and replay as there’s so much to discover on other routes.

[otome-reviews]

SLBP "Somewhere Beneath the Moon” Event Review, Pt 2

It just hit me today that there are almost HALF as many ninjas as warlords already. Wow! Anyway, here are my quick thoughts on the second half of this latest ninja event:

Sasuke’s ES was only marginally less frustrating than his MS, imho. In this story the guy puts his life on the line again and again for Shingen (unsolicited, might I add). He sneaks off without permission to help Yukimura fight against the Imagawa in the vanguard. Then he volunteers himself to serve as part of a decoy army through the marshlands to break through enemy ranks - a highly dangerous, practically suicidal venture. Which would be really heroic and all, if, yanno, he didn’t have an MC waiting at home for him... 

To be fair, Sasuke’s MC does very little waiting and quite a lot of badass rescuing. I think she might be the most competent Tsuki!MC to date!  Love her. Unfortunately, it just goes to highlight how much Sasuke doesn’t deserve MC. Despite taking on idiotically risky missions without consulting MC first, he’s got wanderlust to a truly asshole-ish degree. Early in the story he returns from a long mission (that he didn’t tell MC about), only to disappear the next day to drink, thus ignoring both MC and his adoptive son/namesake. Bro, wtf? What kind of good example is that?! And in the end, instead of promising to stop his shitty behavior, he deflects. Ugh. TBH, I can’t stand the insufferable, selfish manchild version of Sasuke we got in this ES, and I didn’t like this route. :/

Personal enjoyment: 3/10

Like Sasuke, Genya also spends a lot of his ES taking on a dangerous mission - in this case, serving as a body double for Masamune with Shigezane in a battle where the odds definitely aren’t in their favor because M’s resources are stretched too thin. But unlike Sasuke, this lovely ninja prioritizes MC above all else, only deciding to take on the mission after MC’s explicit encouragement! What an utterly thoughtful sweetheart. 💕

The plot isn’t too advanced in this story, so I enjoyed the many cute little moments the writers snuck in, such as Genya adorably accepting MC’s medicine before heading off to battle (“I’m grateful, y’know?”) ^_^ I also enjoyed the (relative) realism in this story; when Genya gets partially shot, it takes days for him to recover from a coma! And finally, I thought the Genya/Shigezane interactions were incredible. What. A. Duo! Kojuro and Masamune were sweet as well. Date clan is best clan! Thoroughly loved this story - definitely the best one of this batch, imho. :) ​

Personal enjoyment: 9/10

Kyoichiro’s story starts out serenely enough: MC’s in town to negotiate for some herbal medicine, and Hideyoshi somehow manages to wrangle the two of them into helping him buy some guns, and then teaching classes to the local war orphans (definitely the highlight of the story). H also ends up being the MVP of the story, because when Saizo’s hot sister Yuki causes trouble by kidnapping an orphan in exchange for MC or Kyo’s death, he ends up saving the day! Granted, it was at Kyo’s request, but still. Overall, I really enjoyed how action packed this ES was.

...That said, I wasn’t a huge fan of the relationship between MC ​and Kyo in this ES. A lot of the charm with Kyo comes after MC’s unpeeled the many layers to his personality, I think, and in this ES, MC hasn’t quite developed the snark needed to handle Kyo (a bit of it shows up at the very end), so their relationship isn’t quite as fun to witness. I did enjoy’s some of the guy’s more hilariously Kyo-ish lines though (“Sometimes, you have decent ideas”). Also the overall plot was pretty interesting (I’m always happy when Yuki shows up to mess things up!), and I thought Kyo attempting to teach some little ruffians Portugese was pretty adorable!

Personal enjoyment: 5.5/10

What did you all think? :)

[otome-reviews]

SLBP: “When Fate Brought Me To You” Kojuro, Shingen, Nobunaga Review [SPOILERS]

Have you ever wondered what our favorite samurai warlords were like before they were fully cooked? Well wonder no more, because this latest event from SLBP/Voltage, which addresses that question, is positively glorious. 

Young Kojuro is, hands down, the most hilarious thing ever. The story begins with MC in the Oshu territory the day before her new job begins, looking for a place to stay the night. A super bratty, antisocial Kojuro (!!) grumpily points MC to his siblings’ shrine after being prompted by his older brother. His sister Kita welcomes MC with open arms, and while MC helps with the cooking, gossips about Kojuro (“​Oh, yes, a stubborn little thing. Always seems to find life such a CHORE, somehow”). The next day, MC leaves for her new employer...but while MC thought she’d be a cook, the creepy employer just wanted a bed warmer. MC flees employer and his goons, and runs into Kojuro, who saves the day with his hotness (...It is then that I realize that his appearance has somewhat betrayed him. His once-loose kimono is taut against his strong, muscled arms). The Katakuras welcome MC to stay at their place until she sorts things out. 

To thank them, MC offers to clean Kojuro’s notoriously messy room. But when K proves to be less than helpful at pointing out items he’d like to keep, MC YELLS at him, fearlessly. I love this MC! In the end, after Shigezane the charming flirt points out that MC’s skillset would be invaluable to the domestically incompetent Kojuro, K agrees, and that is how MC ends up working for the absurdly hot warlord a decade or so before she’s meant to in the main story. 

...Voltage could throw a story about Kojuro eating cereal at me and I’d probably still be content. I love this guy. And the juxtaposition between the older, kindly Kojuro and his younger, brattier self in this event is simply the best. I doubt there’ll be smut in his epilogue, but I’ll still probably end up buying it regardless. <3

Personal enjoyment: 10/10

Shingen’s event route takes us back to the time when he was Harunobu, before he became the fearless charismatic warlord we all know and love. MC’s been hired as a maid to serve in a castle...or so she thinks. In reality, the lord of the castle (perhaps S’s dad?) is building a harem. Horrified, MC flees in the dead of night, only to run into Shingen, who disapproves of the whole harem thing, and takes MC to a room to hide overnight. The next day, MC is shunned by the local village, who a) thinks she’s a prostitute, and b) doesn’t want to deal with a runaway. Having exhausted nearly all her options, MC returns to Shingen’s annex. Seeing him chop firewood, MC doesn’t really recognize that he’s a high ranking samurai. The stress of the last two days catches up to MC, and when S is confused why she’s crying, she snaps at him like a boss (“you can’t PREPARE for assault”). Impressed, Shingen arranges for her employment as a legitimate maid in his little corner of the castle. The story ends with MC very publicly and embarrassingly realizing that Shingen’s a lord of some sort, and him tousling her hair. What better first day at work could there be?

I enjoyed this look into a slightly more vulnerable, less powerful Shingen. The writers did a fantastic job of including elements of his future mega-charismatic self into the story though! And when Kansuke (<3 <3) showed up? I was so delighted, you have no idea. 

Personal enjoyment: 8/10

I think I might be slowly getting used to SLBP’s portrayal of this rude, candy-chugging asshole. It’s always jarring, given how charmingly sexy different his Ikesen portrayal, is. MC first encounters Nobunaga when he’s eating incognito at her family’s restaurant. When she instigates a fight with some local thugs after trying to stop them from beating on a kid, he chases them off with badassery...only to be immediately thanked with a bucket of water to the face by Yahiko, who might have misinterpreted the situation. Despite MC’s fears, he doesn’t in fact murder her brother on the spot, and MC ends up introducing N to drugs konpeito.

At some point, Nobunaga grabs MC to help him out in town. Turns out he’s in town to discuss ships with Fran and Lu, some foreign traders who also happen to be MC’s friends. Fran’s reaction to Nobunaga’s beautiful, fan-wielding presence is pretty great (F: “I had no idea there were such fine specimens here in Japan!... I'm talking about you, you fool! Hot! As! Hell!” N: “H-How dare you...!”). Meanwhile, trouble strikes when MC is waylaid by the local thugs from earlier in the story. MC has some fighting skills herself (!), but she’s rather outnumbered. Fortunately, N seems to somehow use MC’s pouch, containing respawned konpeito, as a homing device to find MC and take out the thugs like a boss (“All the men who take intending to kill me seriously at least have the sense to bring a full cavalry with them when they try”). In the end, Nobunaga summons MC to Azuchi to work for him, revealing his true identity to her, and her crazy life under the capricious warlord begins.

So... the truth is, I’m never going to really like Nobunaga all that much, given his presence in Shingen’s route. But I did generally enjoy this route, pre-existing biases aside. MC was pretty proactive and somewhat feisty in this event, which was fun to read (as well as a bit of a surprise). The trope of MC always assuming Nobunaga will murder children is hilarious. And Nobunaga’s bratty candy addiction will never not be entertaining. This event story seemed a bit different from the other two; based on both artwork and personality, it doesn’t seem to have been set that far into the past. It was a pretty fun read!

Personal enjoyment: 8.5/10

So, TL;DR, this event is the least smutty/romance filled event I’ve encountered to date. But nonetheless, the routes that’ve been revealed so far are all great reads! This glimpse into the past is pretty awesome :)