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suzuran777 · 18 days

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BL Visual Novel Magazines throughout the years

Earlier this year, BL game magazine Cool-B announced that they were change their publishing schedule from bi-monthly to quarterly publication (after initially tweeting that the magazine would end publication, which has now been deleted), which made me think about how there are not that many magazines anymore that exclusively focuses on BL visual novel content. This used to different, as there were a lot of magazines in the early 2000s which published the latest information about BL visual novels that were released back then. In this blog post I created a small list of the magazines I've been collecting throughout the years and what kind of information they used to publish. Some titles might be missing, as every now and then I also find new magazines I've never heard of before, but I thought it would be interesting to write a little bit about each of them because I like collecting them!

First of all, even though these magazines are referred to as "BL game magazines" some of them also publish information about new mobile games, otome games, and other joseimuke content (media aimed at a female audience), however most articles in these magazines focus on BL games, and the characters on the covers of the magazine are also from BL media. Nowadays the only magazine that focuses on BL visual novel content is Cool-B, but in the early 2000s there used to be a lot more of these magazines. Some of them continued publication for a long time, while others only published a few issues before ending publication.

Game Pierce (GAMEピアス) Published by a company that simply called themselves "Magazine Magazine" (Later Sun Publishing and JUNET) the first issue of Game Pierce was published in February 2002, and was therefore probably the first BL visual novel magazine. Unlike some other magazines, this one exclusively focused on BL games and didn't combine it with otome or other joseimuke content. Though if you're wondering who the characters on the cover of the magazine are, they're actually not characters from a BL game, but original characters created by Kojima Natsuki. Later, some of these BL characters would appear in some of their manga like GP Gakuen (GP学園). Even though almost all of the covers featured Kojima Natsuki's characters, the back of the magazine did promote specific BL games that were popular at the time. Game Pierce existed for quite a while and ended up publishing 21 issues in total. There was also a version of the magazine called Comic Game Pierce which combined BL manga and BL game content, as well as Boy's Pierce which has been around since 1997 and still exists today, which publishes BL manga.

B's Log The next magazine is B's Log (or B's-Log), which was originally published by Enterbrain before they merged with Kadokawa in 2013. This magazine still publishes new issues even now, but the content they focus on has gradually changed throughout the years. The first issue of B's Log was released in March 2002, shortly after the first issue of the previously mentioned Game Pierce. From early 2002 until late 2004, the magazine mostly published information about BL and otome games, but later they gradually started focusing on more general joseimuke content. As far as I'm aware, the last time a BL game was on the cover was the December 2009 issue, which featured the game STEALl! by Spray. It's not like the magazine completely stopped publishing information about BL games after this though, as they'd publish articles about the sequel of Tennenouji's Luckydog1 (Luckydog1 +badegg), and Karin Chatnoir's BL game Omega Vampire in 2016. Unlike most other BL visual novel magazines, B's Log didn't publish any CGs from 18+ scenes, though of course they would still mention the age rating.

Game Darling (ゲーム・ダーリン) The first issue of the next magazine, Game Darling, was published in July 2002. The publisher is KTC (also known as KILL TIME COMMUNICATION), who mostly published game-related magazines in the late 1990s. However, I am pretty sure publication ended after only two issues, as I can't seem to find anything else published after this. Even though the other magazines that were released around this time were printed in full color, this magazine was printed in black and white, kind of resembling a manga (the size of the magazine was also small). This magazine also only focused on BL games, though they did publish some interesting articles about BL game fandom culture, for example characters from non-BL games that were often shipped together (like Ace Attorney and the Metal Gear series). Something that was also kind of funny to me is that they also published articles in which they recommended computers that would be able to run visual novels smoothly, once again reminding me that I was reading an article published in 2002.

Blueberry Published by Softbank Publishing, this magazine was supposed to be the sister magazine of erogame magazine Raspberry but as far as I know, only one volume of it exists, which was published in April 2003. I was able to find a copy of it eventually, but I think it's definitely one of the lesser-known magazines, especially since only one issue of it exists. It also came with a CD which a lot of magazines used to have as well, which would usually contain trial versions of games, opening movies and other promotional materials such as wallpapers. Compared to Blueberry, I think Raspberry was doing a bit better, as it looks like they published at least 17 different issues between early 2002 and late 2004.

Be x Boy This is technically a BL manga magazine, but since they did feature BL games on their covers sometimes, I think it's fair to mention them as well. Be x Boy was a monthly BL manga magazine which published its first issue in 1993. The publisher used to publish various other BL-related magazines as well, which focused on light novels, adult manga, short stories and more. From what I could find online, the original publisher, Biblos, went bankrupt in 2006, but these days the magazine still exists as a BL manga magazine and is now published by Libre.

Binetsu Ouji (微熱王子) This magazine was originally published by Studio DNA (these days Ichijinsha), and would eventually become another magazine called Cool-B in 2005, after its acquisition by Ohzora Publishing. Its first issue was released in July 2002. Even while looking at the oldest issues, the lay-out and design closely resembled Cool-B. Other than publishing information about otome and BL games, they also featured statistics showing which games were popular at the time. Even nowadays, this is still something Cool-B publishes in every issue. Binetsu Ouji and Cool-B allowed adult content, which is possibly why BL game creators would slowly start promoting their games in magazines like this rather than B's Log.

Cool-B As mentioned above, in 2005 Binetsu Ouji was taken over by Ohzora Publishing and relaunched as Cool-B, which is the only BL game magazine that still exists these days and is also the one that has been around for the longest time, as it currently has 115 issues. Earlier this year, they did kind of scare their fans by announcing that they would end publication after releasing 2 final magazine issues that same year, but this tweet was quickly deleted after some game creators mentioned that they would contact the staff and talk to them. Eventually, they announced a change in publication schedule and some slight changes to the magazine. Until earliy 2024, Cool-B has always been a bi-monthly magazine, but their future releases will be quarterly.

Cool-B Kiwame Last month the first issue of Cool-B Kiwame was released, which is a new version of the magazine that seems to exclusively feature BL game content, and the size is also a bit bigger than the original magazine. I'm happy that they could find a way to continue publishing the magazine, as this is usually where BL visual novel creators publish news about their latest games, as well as interviews and extra art. Something new they started recently is that they publish articles about a specific topic in which they ask for both fan opinions and commentary from the game developers. In this first issue of Cool-B Kiwame, the theme was "The worst, most horrible and best bad endings" and I had a lot of fun reading what endings fans submitted and what the creators of these games had to say about this! Therefore, even though the number of new BL visual novels is small nowadays, the magazine still found a way to continue publication.

Pictures in this blog post belong to Cool-B (their website) or were taken from the Retromags website.

#blinfo #visualnovel #nitro chiral #blreview #bl visual novel

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kerubimcrepin · 6 months

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Live-read: "Julith et Jahash" - Part 1

In the past, I said that I would wait for a translation that is currently in the making in the russian fandom. However, because I am weak, and want to keep this blog going asap, I lied. (This liveblog will be very slow due to this, so be warned.)

This comic will let us understand Joris better... while literally all of his personality, morals, body language, and tastes, are a product of Kerubim, — this might shed light on A. family history, that might dictate his physiology (what if Julith randomly says she has an allergy? This isn't real, but it would be big for Joris lore), and the things he went through after the movie: what experience he would have with the huppermage culture, which he was cut off from for his entire life thus far.

Question: is there a single member of this family who DOESN'T fish??

Kramdam is a part of Rok Island, the name of which will be familiar to you if you're A. a player of the MMOs, B. batshit insane about Joris lore.

It might be silly, for me to point this out, but listen: the movie, the series, they all happen hundreds of years before the Dofus MMO, — so to have confirmation that Rok Island is that old, is very interesting.

I had previously said that huppermages aren't very fond of cultures outside their own, and I want to elaborate, so that my words aren't misconstrued: Huppermages culture is, in a lot of ways, a mixture of different classes, — because a lot of huppermages aren't born huppermages, but instead, people who convert to this class, and a lot of their spells are inspired or taken from other classes. However, not assimilating fully is... very unwelcome.

Having a history of oppression and at least one genocide in the years after the movie, made huppermages very understandably conservative and closed-off. But this culture, as we'll see from this comic, had some pretty toxic traits even before those scars.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. Like I already knew about this, but I want you to understand: the stupid fucking log thing is a family trait.

Do you think Joris told Bakara "I hate magic, I hate magic, I hate magic. I HATE WANDS. I HATE STAFFS. I KEEP BREAKING THEM. LET ME OUT. LET ME OUT OF THE ACADEMY. STOP HAVING ME BE ENROLLED!!!!" and the next day she brought him a fucking log. Do you think this is what happened.

So small, and already sure that she'll never be as good as her brother... man.

Also... Bakara and Joris looked very similar as kids. At least that's my opinion.

I didn't think this comic would make me emotional, but the Jurgen family having a thing for logs is making me violently ill.

It probably was Bakara who gave him that bright idea. And Kerubim was probably like "ok son, I am someone who also uses blunt weapons, I can teach you how to do this."

There isn't some "i like to use logs" gene, it was all just Joris preferring to use melee, Bakara's memories of Jahash's melee skills, and Kerubim's skill in melee fighting.

It is just... insane to me, how Joris ends up doing this one thing that his biological father liked to do, despite how different they are as people. Despite Joris likely feeling absolutely nothing towards the man.

Well, that, or he fucking hates Jahash, though probably not as much as Julith.

Think about it this way, — Jahash and Julith ruined his childhood by their reappearance. They ruined his life for the next few decades too, probably. And after? They would always be a shadow over his life, for as long as they are remembered. It's always either "you're evil and we don't trust you because you're Julith's son" (even though he knows that Julith was framed,) or "you're not good enough, even though you're Jahash's son. How come?" (even though he knows from Bakara that... Jahash was just a man. Even if it is hard for him to put together the almost-holy image of his father as seen on the stained-glass in a temple, and the image of him that Bakara talks about, — a human person, who had fears and dreams.)

The only way for Joris to live his own life, without any judgement or comparison, without being reminded of how shit his childhood was, is to wait for the World of Twelve to forget who the fuck a Julith and Jahash even are. It's logical for him to have some irrational resentment.

And yet he brings a log to a nuke fight in season 4. Jahash would never do this, because he got good at magic, but he WOULD approve.

His parents would have loved him a lot, if they had the chance.

List of things that Joris and Bakara share:

Neurotic perfectionist who struggles with self-hatred about their skills and their body.

Cute ass behaviours and expressions as children.

Alcoholism (this is my fanon for Joris. It came to me in a vision. He's just like Kerubim and Bakara, — needs to get shitfaced to cope.)

Haunted by Jahash's success in life, even though Jahash would NEVER have wanted either of them to be haunted.

Thin grabbable waist and twinkish/waifish looks as adults. (Joris is already a twink, despite his 3ft stature, but NEVER forget the official concept art of how Joris would look if he wasn't possessed by a dragon as an infant. He would be a tall, blonde, anime twink instead.)

Whisperers have, historically, been used as servants by Bontarians and Huppermages.

Though by Waven times, they are enemies of the state (at least dissenting ones), and Joris wants you to beat the shit out of them, for the sake of his beautiful nation. (because they're dissenting)

Jahash and Bakara grew up with their dad, Juvence Jurgen.

By huppermage standards, they lived in very unusual conditions.

"All huppermage towers are super-protected, we WILL die if we don't take precautions, so I will go ahead, and deliver the message myself."

Yeah, no, they're not typical huppermages. I guess Joris has a lot in common with Bakara and Jahash. (I keep making myself sad, thinking about this.)

He thinks that Jahash and Bakara are some local hicks/rednecks that the huppermage has been experimenting on, which raises many red flags. Like the fact that apparently, human experimentation is a thing that some huppermages do. Then he thinks that the huppermage is experimenting on his own kids.

The headcanon that Jahash might have had some learning disabilities that he gave to Joris as one last "sayonara you weaboo shit" genetical move, and that it was REALLY hard for him to learn magic and impossible for Joris, stays winning.

By the way, I guess this is a good time to give you the next, very funny piece of trivia:

Joris's name literally means "George George the Farmer Farmer".

I think it's likely that, historically, before Jahash's success in life, their family were just some random poverty-stricken farmers, who happened to be huppermages.

I'M SO FUCKING SAD ABOUT THEM.

Grandpa Jurgen is literally so fucking real.

THE HEADCANON THAT JAHASH MIGHT HAD LEARNING DISABILITIES THAT HE GAVE TO JORIS AS ONE LAST "SAYONARA YOU WEABOO SHIT" GENETICAL MOVE, AND THAT IT WAS REALLY HARD FOR HIM TO LEARN MAGIC AND IMPOSSIBLE FOR JORIS, STAYS WINNING.

Juvence really cares about his kids.

"If you don't do as master says, he will kill you and all your loved ones."

Guys I'm starting to think, that between this, the political intrigues, the bullying, the "using Bakara for PR while she becomes a teenage alcoholic and not giving a shit about her" thing, — that the huppermage academy and temple, are um.... not actually Good, as an institution.

To most this is "an honour," and yet, this random selection process chose a teenage huppermage who, by all accounts, can't do magic and doesn't know a single spell.

I'm so fucking sad.

You know what else these two quotes can apply to? Haha. well. I ask you to imagine Jahash's funeral, and—— [i collapse on the floor weeping]

"He was always more like a father to her, than an older brother."

I am going to crash my car into the sea. And I don't even have a car.

#ro liveblogs dofus #dofus #wakfu #krosmoz #joris jurgen #julith-et-jahash #bakara jurgen

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cyrsed · 1 year

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i can't leave well enough alone, and i realized i could make this into a comic panel if i added one of isaac's logs, so i made a new version with the text from the “get to safety” log 0:B

prev version wips

#dead space #isaac clarke #cyrsed art #9 #had to flip it horizontally for the dialogue layout to work #i was looking at the logs on the wiki to compare 2008 to 2023 lol

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ultimateanthropoll · 11 months

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ROUND 2 SIDE B: Comic Dog vs Light Novel Cat

Bec Noir (dog; Homestuck) vs. Nyanta (cat; Log Horizon)

PROPAGANDA UNDER THE CUT!

Bec:

"there is art of this form of the character on fur affinity, so i feel like that is evidence enough that he should be included. Bad Dog! Worst Enemy!"

Nyanta:

"He's a chef!! He's middle aged!! He just wants company as a widower!!"

#poll tournament #round 2 #bec noir #homestuck #nyanta #log horizon

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baraturts · 7 months

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Hi! Just wanna say thank you to u and ur brilliant artworks! I'm new to tcest fandom and I found the Magnet comic and other cute fanarts by u on DA months ago. I was so excited about those masterpiece but then I sadly noticed ur away from this fandom for years :( Up until last month, when I logged into Tumblr, I found you came back and decided to continue this comic! It really was a pleasant surprise, and I'm so glad and grateful for it. Again, welcome back and thanks for ur talented fan works!

Thank you, kind anon! I'm glad at least some lucky new peeps didn't technically have to wait years before I popped back up to continue things, haha (sorry about that). Back in a pretty alright laid-back groove now, working on the next page in my own painfully slow pace. Appreciate everyone's patience with me <3

PS: Also, thank you to my shadow followers who sent me happy B-day messages, I read them and appreciated them, I just forgot to mention it! ><

#ask #text #magnetcomic

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filmcel · 11 months

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when I saw the creator we watched the aquaman trailer and my sister turned to me and goes “….why does that actually look good tho….”

#and honestly…. idk if it’s just cuz I was excited to b in a theater so anything in front of me looked good #but it looked good….#it looks whimsical idk #from what I remember. it just looked like a good comic book movie #captain’s log

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anonymouspuzzler · 2 years

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oh baby it's Foofy Fiday (note: i have absolutely no idea what day this will queue up.) more thanks to @incorrectbugsnaxquotes for many of these prompts as well!

(alt text/image IDs below the cut!)

[Image 1 ID: Doodle page with various drawings of Floofty, including: - A three-panel comic with first, Floofty handing a wax-sealed envelope to Shelda. Second panel is Shelda, looking confused, opening the letter, and third, a POV of the letter reading simply, "bitch. Respectfully, -- Floofty F. Fizzlebean". - A very simplified drawing of Floofty smirking and sitting on the ground, legs out, with an arrow pointing to them reading "la creatura". - A sketch of a silhouetted Floofty, goggles glowing, walking along the beach with their pegleg and a severed leg clearly in one hand. - Floofty gesturing to a closed chemical cabinet with a sign reading "GENDER. CAUTION! HIGHLY TOXIC" - A meme recreation of Floofty holding up a flask with text reading "FINALLY. GENDER FLUID" - Floofty, grimacing and gesturing with one hand, saying, "I've come to make an announcement. Snorpington's a punk-*ss b*tch," - The X-Files "I WANT TO BELIEVE" poster, but the UFO has been replaced with a drawing of a T-posing Floofty floating at a slight angle into the sky.]

[Image 2 ID: A 4-panel comic of Filbo and Floofty. In the first panel, Floofty is sitting at a bar sipping from a cup, looking annoyed as a dancing Filbo backs into them with a smile. Filbo says, "Hey! Can I have a sip of your water?" and Floofty replies, "It isn't water." In the second panel, Filbo has turned around to wink and do finger guns at Floofty, saying, "Snax juice!! I like your style!" Floofty, glaring, responds, "It's vinegar." In the third panel, Filbo, still frozen in finger-guns position, looks on in horror and Floofty, still glaring, takes a slow sip from the cup. In the fourth panel, Filbo, horrified, says "...what?" and Floofty replies simply, "It's vinegar, plebian."]

[Image 3 ID: A 3-panel comic of Triffany and Floofty. In the first, Triffany, grinning and holding a stack of papers with one arm, extends the other to Floofty while saying, "Good job, Floofty!" Floofty, taking the item with one hand, says, "You're giving me a sticker?" In the second panel, Triffany, still grinning and gesturing with one pointer finger, says, "Not just a sticker! It has a kitten saying 'Me-WOW!'" Floofty, staring down at the sticker looking nonplussed, replies, "I'm not a kindergartener." In the third, Triffany, looking disappointed, leans down and reaches out saying, "Okay, I'll take it back." Floofty, glaring and holding the sticker in both hands, whirls away while saying, "I earned this, back off."]

[Image 4 ID: A two-panel comic of Floofty and Shelda. Shelda, sitting on a log, eyes closed and hands clutched over her heart, says, "I never considered you an enemy." Floofty, sitting on a separate log with a book in one hand and leaning their head on the other, doesn't even look up as they respond "I never considered you at all." In the second panel, Floofty continues reading and not acknowledging Shelda, who has placed both hands on her knees and says in disbelief, "Now that's just hurtful".]

[Image 5 ID: A drawing of Floofty recreating a scene from It's Always Sunny. They are grinning wildly, one hand pumping a fist and the other holding a whiteboard marker, moving so quickly they're motion-blurred. Behind them a whiteboard reads in all caps "MURDER".]

#Anonymous Puzzler art #bugsnax #floofty fizzlebean #bugsnax spoilers #fun fact! casey mongillo themself has a copy of the I WANT TO BELIEVE as a print #one of my buddies was like hey i'm going to a con where they're signing you want anything? and i panicked and sent That Specific Drawing.#apparently it got a laugh though. so i have not brought shame to myself and my family just yet #bugsnax shelda #filbo fiddlepie #triffany lottablog #bugsnax character tags are so fun.#tw for implied amputation/dismemberment and i suppose for references to drinking/alcohol #and also for censored cursing #just in case! i know there's some youngin's in the bugsnax fandom. best to be safe

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cher-rei · 4 hours

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love song ♬— pt 4 [ J.M ]

pairing: jamal musiala x fem!oc

summary [please read]

genre(s): strangers to lovers, fluff, angst and football romance [love song playlist]

[w.c: 4.3k] masterlist

notes: this is the one!! ya'll thought I was joking about the 5k word count 😔

previous chapter | next chapter

the three friends stepped off the train in herzogenaurach, the city bustling with excitement and laughter. with their luggage in hand, they caught their uber and successfully made it to their b&b that they rented our for the remainder of the tournament.

obviously because it was where the team's training camp was located, and it would mean less hassle and back and forth travel from munich.

the uber turned into a quaint street lined with traditional bavarian townhouses, each boasting colourful flower boxes and rustic facades. a wooden sign creeked in the gentle breeze, bearing the b&b’s name in gold, bold letters.

“welcome ladies.” the sight of a middle aged man greeted them at the front door, his smile inviting as he held the villa's key in his hands. “she's yours for the next few weeks. don't be scared to call me if anything is needed.”

with a grateful smile, aaliyah let the keys fall into her palms and waved off the property owner while sophia and noelle got the rest of their luggage.

as they entered the, the cozy living room enveloped them in warmth. plush sofa's, rustic wooden furniture, and rich, dark wood floors created an inviting atmosphere. vintage memorabilia adorned the walls, alongside german team jerseys and photographs.

they led to each of their bedrooms— sophia's boasted vibrant red and black bedding and a more rustic look while aaliyah's room featured sleek, modern decor. noelle's room was cozy, with a comfortable reading nook.

the kitchen beckoned, filled with with aroma of freshly brewed coffee which was more than enough to make noelle's senses perk up.

“you know,” she turned to look at her friend's with an innocent smile. “I think we should have some coffee, to match the atmosphere and stuff.”

before she could successfully open one of the cabinets, aaliyah interjected and pulled her to the side and gestured to the fridge. “we have orange juice, don't talk crap.”

noelle's shoulders dropped in disappointment. “but it's not the same,” she whined but her friends weren't giving into her plea.

“yeah, it won't lead to kidney failure,” sophia said with a smile and passed her the glass of orange juice, the look of distaste on noelle’s face comical. “drink it so we can unpack.”

the following two days spent in the city went about quickly, with lots of time out to explore and just enjoy their time together. noelle even got some time to start on her thesis, or at least figure out where she was intending to go with it. on different occasions she would call sophia and aaliyah aside separately for some questioning, trying to get as raw of a response that she could.

sophia's interview [log 1]

n: how do you handle the pressure of being in the public eye?

s: honestly, it's tough. but kai keeps me grounded, funny enough. he's really supportive and puts my comfortability first, which I really appreciate.

n: how do you maintain intimacy and the relationship's strength with different schedules?

s: (laughs) we make time, even if it's just a video call like we've been doing recently. trust is key.

n: okay, yoda. what's the most challenging part of dating a high profile athlete?

s: balancing my own identify with being “kai havetz's girlfriend”. well, fiance now. but he's sweet, and encourages me to pursue my passions, even if it isn't the most ideal. we work around it.

n: aw, that's so sweet... move back to munich for me.

s: (laughs) no. nice try though, maybe it'll actually work next time.

n: shut up.

aaliyah's interview [log 2]

n: uhh, let's see. ah, how do you cope with flo's intense training regiments?

a: communication is key, sweetheart. we prioritise our time together and as long as there is understanding and trust, we’re good.

n: ew, sophia said the same thing.

a: because it's true you idiot. you're just a baby, you'll understand one day.

n: what's the most surprising aspect of dating a professional athlete?

a: the emotional highs and lows. you're going to experience that first hand this time around since you're with us. their passion for football is infectious but losses can be tough, which means that they rely on us for emotional support and reassurance. it's a lot of responsibility but it's worth it.

n: that's a lot of words. I think I deserve some coffee.

a: you wanted raw and honest? I gave you raw and honest. but touch that espresso machine and i will light it on fire in front of you.

n: ughhhhhh!

she slept, ate and drank thesis for the next few days. and that even meant when they went out. it was a day before germany and hungary's match in stuttgart that sophia proposed that they took a trip to the training camp. were they allowed to? not in the slightest.

there was a strict no family policy implemented to keep the teams’ players focused and isolated. which noelle found sort of dumb.

the three friends entered the camp with sophia leading the way as if she owned the place, greeting the staff members that passed by and whatnot, while aaliyah and noelle walked behind with their arms linked.

“this feels illegal,” noelle said, her eyes scanning the sleek and modern interior of the building before they headed onto the training pitch.

aaliyah smiled. “that's because it is.”

noelle couldn't help but shake her head, a quizzical look on her face as she looked up at aaliyah with so many questions plauging her mind. “how do you not have a criminal record yet?”

from in front of them sophia threw her head back in laughter, taking a step back go high five noelle with a satisfied smile. aaliyah didn't see the comment as an insult however and shrugged her shoulders. “I have connections and a very pretty face.”

the path that led them to the training pitch was unnecessarily lengthy, the accommodation in general was absolutely huge. the building felt like it was swallowing noelle whole.

the football pitch was located on the further side of a smaller pitch with fake grass, a running track circling the field with the bleachers on the far right just opposite the building.

the three girls happily took their seats on the last level of the bleachers, nothing but a barricade separating them and the footballers going through their drills. turns out that aaliyah did have connections, meaning that even though family weren't allowed to visit unless given the permission at allocated times, the girls were.

it didn't take much for kai and florian to spot their girlfriend's, and by the looks in their eyes they were ready to drop everything and make a run for it. jamal on the other hand tripped over his own feet at the sight of noelle but he managed to catch himself without making it too obvious.

“are you okay?” toni asked the younger boy, who sheepishly waved his captain off and cleared his throat from the minor embarrassment.

for the rest of the first session, jamal couldn't help but turn to the bleachers every so often, his gaze unintentionally landing on noelle who was sat with her ipad on her lap, scribbling something down. he came to the conclusion that she was working on her thesis, listening intently as her friends spoke.

her laughter sounded through the air at some point, followed by sophia slapping her on the arm and yelling something through her own laughter.

“you look like a lovestruck deer.” the retort came from none other than kai himself, which promoted jamal to take a step back and hit him with the most judgement look he could muster.

“are you telling me that?” he scoffed. “kai ‘my girlfriend breathes and I want to die in her arms’ havertz?”

kai threw his hands up in defence. “wow, thanks for that. remind me to just shut up next time.”

jamal playfully smiled at his sarcastic comment, gratefully taking it. “with pleasure.”

“jamal and kai you're acting like we're not playing an international tournament!” their coach yelled after blowing the whistle to gain their attention, the two footballers immediately halting their argument. “wouldn't you like to hold a trophy this season havertz? might just be the first and last!”

while the players all erupted into a fit of laughter, the three girls on the bleachers were in their own bubble of conversation.

“seriously, how traumatised do you have to be to start yelling, ‘run up, run up. cross the ball, I'm open!’”

noelle and sophia covered their mouths in an attempt to contain their laughter at aaliyah's story. she shook her head and continued complaining, sophia giving her own input in between while noelle took notes on her tablet.

she was silently absorbing all the words exchanged between her friends, perhaps looking up at the pitch to see jamal laughing or jumping in excitement about scoring. unbeknownst to her, there was a faint smile on her lips even if it didn't feel like it.

“are you seriously just going to sit there?” sophia asked with a chuckle, watching as noelle took a sip from her water bottle. yes water.

she closed the plastic bottle with a smile, gesturing for them to continue. “yes, now carry on talking. you're doing great.”

aaliyah's brows furrowed. “I was literally talking about how irritating flo is when he sleeps talks.”

“exactly,” noelle deadpanned and got comfortable in her seat, ready to listen to more complaining but unfortunately the whistle sounded which meant that it was time for a water break.

sophia and aaliyah were out of their seat at lightning speed, practically hopping over the barricade to get onto the pitch where florian and kai were getting water. she shook her head in slight disapproval, a sigh escaping her lips as she focused on the two couples and their interaction.

their dynamics were so different, and it was something that noelle was heavily taking into account for her thesis, and simply out of genuine interest. kai and sophia were softer— their love and affection for each other was so evident that you wouldn't be able to see them without each other, it simply didn't make sense.

and florian and aaliyah were a lot more playful, with aaliyah wearing the pants in the relationship. they shared light banter, silent glances and gentle gestures while also maintaining a strong sense of friendship. it was cute.

noelle didn't even realise that she zoned out until jamal called her name. the footballer walked up to the barricade, “hey stranger.” his arms relaxed on the top with a gentle smile on his face. “what brings you to this side of the world?”

a chuckle left her lips at the playfulness in his voice and she hummed in thought for a moment. “my friends’ borderline obessesion and codependence,” she said half joking and jamal laughed. “and what brings you to this side of the pitch?”

a glint of something flickered in his eyes at the question, something that noelle managed to catch before he answered. “a very pretty psych student.”

now, just because noelle had never been in a relationship before did not mean that she was oblivious. she's had her fair share of encounters to know when someone was flirting with her, it's just that this was the only time where she didn't have the alarm going off in her head telling her to awkwardly laugh and change the subject.

for some reason she was more thrilled and keen on entertaining it, even if it was just a joke (she wasn't sure).

“oh, really?” she questioned with mock intrigue. “where is she?” she straightened her posture and looked around the field to which he laughed.

his laughter sent a warm shiver down her spine, she couldn't help but enjoy his playful demeanour. she watched with her lips pursed as he took his phone out of his pocket and turned the screen in her direction to see the front camera open.

yep. she was on the verge of throwing up and overheating.

“she's right there,” he said with a proud smile and she nodded along with flushed cheeks but she held onto her playful facade.

“oh, wow. and what makes her so special exactly?”

jamal's grin widened. “well she's super smart, has this insane coffee addiction, and she can quote fifa regulations verbatim.”

noelle chuckled at his answer, almost losing herself at the last point. he wasn't even trying but she was quite aware that what she felt in that moment was the equivalent of downing four shots of espresso. “that's quite the combination. was that combo the reason you tripped earlier on?”

jamal's laughter echoed through the air, his eyes crinkling at the corners while slight embarrassment welled up inside him. “maybe it was the combination, maybe it was something else entirely.”

she stifled a laugh and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ears that were on fire. “well whatever reason, I'm glad that you're okay.” her tone was gentle and genuine, enough for him to lean in a little closer, his fingers absentmindedly tapping along the barricade.

“I think that it was fate’s way of getting my attention,” he prompted and noelle's lips parted, her eyes playfully rolling. “and now that I have it, I think I should conduct a study of my own.”

he was freakishly good at this. every word that left his mouth made her question herself. “oh, really? I'm listening.”

he looked up at the sky for a moment. “the psychology of the perfect distraction.”

her cheeks burned, but she couldn't tear her gaze away from his. not when this was a thrill that she wasn't about to give up. “and how do you want to go about that? any references in mind?”

he nodded eagerly, proud smile on his face to know that he wasn't shooting himself in the foot with whatever the hell he was doing right now. it wasn't even planned. he just wanted to say hi. not profess his undying love!

“there's this coffee-addicted, fifa-regulation-quoting-genuis that is exactly what I'm looking for.”

“and what makes you think this genuis would be interested in your research?”

for the first time in however long this conversation was going on for, jamal felt his smile falter before he managed to recover it. “well, I'm willing to take the risk. and besides,” he shrugged. “I think she's already interested.”

naturally she asked what made him think that. because she wanted to know what her behaviour looked like from his perspective, granted that he was talking about her right now. if not, then she was screwed and was about to live with a life time of embarrassment and another reason to not leave her house.

a sigh left jamal's lips, one that seemed more dazed than exhausted. “the way that she smiles when I talk about fifa regulations.”

she couldn't hold it in anymore, her laughter practically burst from her chest in relief to the point where she was doubled over and clutching her stomach. she tried to calm herself down but whenever she took a breath to look at jamal she found herself laughing again, leaving him there to hold back his own to admire her.

she sit up and fanned her already burning face, taking a moment to wipe the tears that managed to escape. “I think you're already an expert in distraction.”

he raised his hands in defence. “guilty as charged.”

unfortunately their banter was disturbed. “musiala, water break is over!”

with a sigh he turned to noelle and shot her one last smile. “duty calls, but I'll see you tomorrow?”

she nodded slowly, but bit her tongue for a moment, rethinking her original answer. “I think I can arrange that research meeting by the way, at a price of course.”

his intrigue that died down seconds ago was back and jamal found himself looking at her like a lost puppy. “oh?”

her lips parted to say something but was drowned out by someone calling his name again which he dismissed immediately. “leroy, can you shut up for a minute please! I'm right here!” he turned back to noelle. “I'm listening.”

“I need a goal from you tomorrow, just for fun,” she stated with a shrug and he hummed in response, more than happy with the request.

“deal,” he said almost instantly but noelle felt like carrying on her teasing, eager to test his limits.

she held out her hand, watching as his confused gaze travelled to it. nonetheless, he leant his arm over the barricade, enough that she was able to get hold of his hand to which she gently held his wrist and lightly tapped the inside of it thrice.

“what?” he looked up at her.

“I just cursed you,” she said through a smile, his expression dropping instantly. when she was done with her joke she went on to explain to him that it was a simple gesture to lock a promise.

it was something stupid she made up a when she was younger, and often did with carmen before she became the epitome of her worst nightmare.

as he jogged back onto the field, the post convention clarity hit noelle like a truck. immediate regret bubbled in her stomach but she couldn't even dwell ob her stupidy long enough before sophia and aaliyah were at her sides, nagging on her head about the encounter.

they weren't satisfied with a simple, “we just talked.”

aaliyah shook her head, calling out her bluff and blatant lie. “you didn't see what we saw! you were smiling like crazy, shut up, noelle you even giggled!”

“ew, as if!”

when they got back home, noelle was the first to head to her room saying that she was exhausted. and naturally the girls decided to not press the situation and let her be, making sure to call her down for supper and then she was back in her room.

noelle sank into the bed, surrounded be the quaint floral patterns and photographs in the room. the soft glow of the bedside lamp cast eerie shadows on the walls, mirroring her inner turmoil.

as she lay there, the silence was oppressive, punctuated only by the distant hum of crickets and the occasional creek of the old wooden floorboards. sophia and aaliyah's excited whispers still lingered in her mind, but now they were replaced by her own taunting doubts.

her thoughts swirled like a maelstrom, threatening to pull her under. she knew herself, she knew her fears like the back of her hand. she knew all too well that intimacy was something that she preferred to steer clear from, there was nothing worth being vulnerable and losing someone. she's seen it first hand with her parents.

noelle was young but she wasn't stupid, and seeing her father leave the house in the middle of the night only to return hours later without explanation was enough of a tell tale. she was 8 when she picked up her father's phone for the first time, the distant rising annoying her as she proceeded to colour in, in the living room.

it was silent, she didn't want to say anything yet because she wasn't sure who was calling. until the unfamiliar female voice echoed through the speaker. “adrian, sweetheart are you there?”

from that day onward, noelle was unable to look at her father the same. she had to witness her mother suffer through the deceit and self doubt, the crying and the anger filled words. she was there.

the darkness outside seemed to seep into her room, shrouding her in an unsettling uncertainty. noelle's heart raced, her palms growing slick with sweat.

intimacy terrified her. the thought of vulnerability, of exposing herself, made her want to retreat into the comfort of her solitude.

but jamal's playful words lingered, and his smile was etched into her mind. he didn't what he was getting himself into, and that guilt settled into her stomach. he was trying, he was genuine and she was a coward.

noelle's eyelids grew heavy, but her mind refused to quiet. fear and self doubt wrestled with the fragile spark of hope.

they weren't doing much the following day besides getting on the train to stuttgart early that morning for the match. it gave noelle time to sleep seeing as she was up the entire night. sophia and aaliyah carried on as per normal, aaliyah holding on extra tight to noelle at her side.

as the train rumbled towards frankfurt, noelle's exhaustion weighed her down like an anchor. her eyes felt gritty, her mind foggy from the sleepless night.

when she woke up, aaliyah noticed her friend's subdued demeanour and squeezed her hand reassuringly. “hey, you okay?”

noelle forced a smile. “yeah, just tired.” but aaliyah's knowing glance suggested that she could see past her facade.

the train’s din and the girls chatter receded into the background as noelle leant her head on the window, her gaze drifting through the german countryside that was being overshadowed by darker clouds.

every so often her heart would skip a beat at the thought of the footballer. she just couldn't shake off the feeling that she was sabotaging something before it even began. but this isn't what she needed at the moment, instead she needed to shake off all that negativity and enjoy the evening.

when the train stopped she took one last final breath and prepared herself for whatever the evening threw at her, because at least she wasn't alone.

to no ones surprise, aaliyah sensed her tension and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “babe, relax. it's just a match,” she whispered as they took their seats, the roar of the crowd drowning out her thoughts.

but it was more than just a match. for noelle, this was a direct confrontation with her own fears, her own doubts. and he was standing there on the pitch underneath the stadium lights, taking his teammates hands before getting into position.

noelle's gaze involuntarily drifted drifted to jamal, his confident stride and assured smile making her heart stutter. the flutter in her chest was undeniable, and she hated herself for it.

aaliyah's grip on her shoulder tightened, a gentle reminder that she was going to be okay. sophia, oblivious to the inner turmoil, chattered and took pictures of the stadium.

as the game commenced, her attention wavered between the action in the pitch and jamal's dynamic movements. every time he touched the ball, her pace quickened. his sudden sprint down the wing, ball at his feet brought noelle back to reality.

her brows furrowed as she scowered the pitch. “the weather is actually clearing up,” she got hums of confirmation at the question and cuddled futher into aaliyah's side, the crisp air hitting noelle's bare face, the sun starting to peak through the canopy of clouds.

nothing much had happened, but the stadium's atmosphere was intense yet inviting. the supporters were singing and cheering, their attitude and excitement giving the players the much needed energy.

as the 22nd minute ticked by, jamal's sudden sprint down the wing brought noelle to the edge of her seat. she wondered if he remember what they talked about the day before— if it was even the slightest bit significant to him.

her brows furrowed, her eyes scoured the pitch as the supporters waited in anticipation. then in a flash of brilliance, he struck the ball— and it curled into the top corner of the net, a work of art.

noelle's world exploded in a riot of colour and sound, her friends’ screams of excitement deafening her more than the others. naturally, she leapt to her feet her voice lost in the cacophony of cheers.

aaliyah's arms enveloped her, holding her steady as the stadium swirled around them. for a fleeting moment, jamal's gaze locked onto hers, a spark that left her breathless. he remembered.

“noelle, did you see that?” sophia screamed, her voice piercing but noelle’s attention remained on jamal, his triumphant smile illuminating the pitch.

and then in a subtle gesture, he tapped his wrist thrice, eyes locking onto hers. noelle's breath caught. it was a joke, asking him to score was a joke. but the fact that he remembered was what had her breathless.

when the game was over, the final whistle blew at 2-0 to germany. a successful win that blurred noelle's doubts and turmoil for a moment, a reminder to focus on the little things and let go for a bit.

they found themselves on the pitch again under the summer heat, congratulating the team and taking the necessary pictures. it was good until jamal came up to her, his hand out for a fist bump that she was more than happy to accept as a token of gratitude.

their “research task” was brought up obviously, and it was going to take place at the cinema, seeing as spiderman: across the spiderman released a week ago back at the cinema in herzogenaurach.

but before they could exchange another word, aaliyah burst in. "spiderman across the spiderverse? that's a great idea, jamal!"

sophia chimed in, “that sounds like a fun group outing.”

jamal's gaze drifted from noelle to the growing group, his smile forced. noelle's heart sank, sensing jamal's dismay. was he that keen on having a few with her alone? the joke was implied, but once again she was left confused.

aaliyah, oblivious to the tension, continued planning. she had already talked to florian about booking the vip cinema, naturally to avoid interruption from the public and media.

jamal's eyes met noelle's, searching for clarification. her apologetic shrug barely eased his slight disappointment and waned excitement, leaving him wondering if he'd misread the signals. the spiderman marathon, once a covert date, now felt like a group outing.

“this research task just got a lot more…” he sighed, his attention on his friends who were excitedly planning the outing, noelle laughing along with them. “...inclusive.”

“all I remember is the handshake,” florian said with his brows furrowed, and noelle immediately burst into laughter at his mistake at referencing the wrong movie.

he looked at her with a look of disgust and aaliyah gently pat his back. “wrong movie, babe.”

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