#BUT LISTEN. parallel circuits are. hard

[bmpmp3]

MAN i need to learn soldering properly i took computer tech for like 3 years in highschool but we learned to get rid of flux residue by going at the pcbs with a barbecue wire brush which makes every electronics nerd i know physically recoil to think about which is very funny but also. maybe i should. learn to use a solvent

[teardownit]

DIY Dumble-like sounding MOSFET Overdrive

The Hermida Zendrive guitar pedal we will study, assemble and listen to today is a true masterpiece. Many say its sound is close to the Holy Grail of guitar amplification - Dumble Overdrive Special.

Other people are more pessimistic in their judgments. Still, the precise response to the picking dynamics, the Voicing tuning options, and the sheer beauty of this overdrive's sound are simply impossible not to love.

But before we study the Lovepedal Zendrive or its copy of the Landtone Phoenix song, or the Aion effects Azimuth dynamic overdrive, we'll study the evolution of the MOSFET overdrives that finally resulted in the development of this gem.

Fulltone OCD

Mike Fuller was one of the first to start using MOSFETs instead of diodes to limit the amplified guitar signal in 2004.

His Obsessive-Compulsive Drive overdrive-distortion pedal is built on a standard circuit with one dual op amp. The first operational amplifier, X1, amplifies the amplitude of the guitar signal by a factor from 8 to 463 times, depending on the position of the drive control X3. This is a 1-megohm potentiometer.

Further, through resistor R9, the signal is fed to the limiter, which comprises 2N7000 MOSFETs M1 and M2 connected in parallel. A germanium diode D1 - 1N34A is additionally included in series with M2, which makes the limiter asymmetrical and, therefore, makes more interesting sound.

A limiter in overdrives is usually included in the negative feedback circuit of an operational amplifier (i.e., in parallel with C6). Such a limiter is called a soft limiter.

And here, a hard limitation is applied: clipping sections are included between the preamplifier output of the gain section and the virtual ground - half of the supply voltage Vref, formed by resistors R4 and R7.

Virtual ground is used in the unipolar powering of operational amplifiers to amplify analog signals, such as audio signals. The guitar signal does not change from zero to plus but from minus to plus, passing through zero.

To prevent the signal from being limited to the circuit's ground, it is shifted in the plus direction by half the supply voltage.

Such hard limiting is typical for distortion pedals. But by using MOSFETs instead of diodes or LEDs, the top of the signal is not cut hard but softly rounded. Therefore, OCD can work as both distortion and overdrive.

Due to the smoothed peaks of the limited signal, the sound is highly dependent on the sound's attack dynamics. For rock and especially blues, this is very valuable. With modern metal pickups that compress the dynamic range of the signal, it can help make solos sounding more sweet.

The second operational amplifier X3 amplifies the limited signal by a factor of 3.8, correcting its timbre. Capacitors C6 and C9 prevent the self-excitation of operational amplifiers at high frequencies.

Next is a simple passive tone knob, which implies a treble leak circuit. Potentiometer X4 10 kilohms and capacitor C11 47 nanofarads are connected in the same way as on the pickguard of any electric guitar.

The Switch1 switch changes the circuit's output impedance as if the high-impedance and low-impedance pickups were switched. When it's open, you get a transparent overdrive like the Klon Centaur, and when it's closed, you can get a more aggressive sound like the Marshall Plexi.

Hermida Audio Zendrive

The Zendrive pedal's authors, Hermida audio technology (now produced by LOVEPEDAL LLC), have undoubtedly studied the Fulltone OCD thoroughly. Let's find the differences between the two circuits.

First, the limiter is included in the operational amplifier feedback, that is, between the output and the inverting input, not between the output and virtual ground. That is, here we have a soft limiter.

Secondly, one diode is added in series with each MOSFET. Clipping remains asymmetric: we have one diode in the left arm of the limiter and two diodes in the right arm.

Third, the second operational amplifier is used as a voltage repeater, aka buffer: the output is directly connected to the inverting input.

Fourth, the tone control is implemented a little differently: two OCD`s switchable resistors are replaced by a potentiometer.

And finally, the most critical, fifth difference. A potentiometer is included in the tone correction circuit between the inverting input of the first operational amplifier and the artificial midpoint.

This fourth knob, Voicing, or Character, allows you to smoothly adjust the lower frequencies in the overdrive structure over a wide range, similar to the Resonance control on many tube guitar amps.

The potentiometer is signed as a trimmer in the diagram because some pedal makers don't want to install a fourth knob on the pedal`s body. This is what Landtone did when developing the Phoenix Song Overdrive DIY kit.

The developer suggests installing the trimmer on the PCB, and to access it, you need to disassemble the pedal by unscrewing the footswitch nut and taking out the PCB.

But I will not be lazy to drill an extra hole in the pedal body and install a potentiometer with a knob, connected to PCB by wires instead of the trimmer. Because I consider this regulator simply invaluable and irreplaceable.

Before we get to assembly and testing, let's look at another pedal with a similar adjustment. However, it is based not on the Fulltone OCD but on the Ibanez Tube Screamer.

The Precision Drive

This is a signature pedal by Misha Mansour of Periphery, manufactured by Horizon Devices. Compared to the original Overdrive Pro TS808, the circuit adds a noise suppressor, which we will not consider, and an exciting ATTACK switch.

The Precision Drive scheme was studied and partially replicated by PedalPCB and PCB Guitar Mania. They are manufacturers of DIY kits for guitarists. Their products are called Dwarven Hammer and Collision Drive, respectively. A noise gate is not provided there, but the attack switch is implemented. This is the main difference between Precision Drive and many other overdrive pedals.

In the Fulltone OCD schematic, we saw a resistor switch at the tone shaping circuit in the output section. The Zendrive has a variable resistor in the preamp's RC circuit which is controlling the overdrive structure.

Precision Drive has a constant resistor in the same place, between the inverting input of the overdrive section operational amplifier and the virtual ground, but the capacitors are switched.

This is the same thing: we change the time constant of the RC circuit, which adjusts the audio signal's frequency spectrum. At the same time as the time constant, the complex impedance changes, thus the gain.

A resistor is a resistance to both DC and AC current. At the same time, a capacitor is only resistant to AC current because DC current does not flow through a capacitor. Since DC current does not flow through our RC circuit, there is no difference between adjusting the resistance and switching the capacitance.

But the active/reactive ratio affects the circuit's Quality factor, i.e., its resonance. It's no coincidence that the knob on guitar amplifiers, which adjusts the same frequencies as our potentiometer or switch, is often called RESONANCE. And it is used to adjust to the resonance of the electromechanical system - the loudspeakers in the cabinet, along with the masses of air in and around it.

The reactive impedance accumulates energy and gives it away, except for losses due to dielectric recharging and magnetizing the magnetic core in inductors. This is why coreless inductors are often used in high-end equipment, so-called air inductors. They weigh a lot, take up a lot of space, and are expensive because copper is more expensive than steel. But these are the laws of physics on which technology is based.

Unlike reactive impedance, active resistance converts electrical energy into heat, thus reducing the Q-factor. In some cases, it is necessary and useful. In others, it is harmful. Or it simply creates a unique sound character.

That's why switching capacitors and turning the potentiometer knob in the feedback circuit of an audio frequency amplifier is almost the same thing, but not quite. And it's great that there are such different variants of guitar overdrive pedals!

Landtone Phoenix Song Overdrive

Now you can hear how my Zendrive from the Landtone OD-1 kit sounds, with a Seymour-Duncan SH4 humbucker on a Gibson MM Explorer guitar, into an Orange MT20 with a Torpedo Captor X. And see how I assembled the pedal and also a kitten walking around the table and prancing around.

I liked the pedal, especially its fourth magic Voicing knob, which does things to the sound that other tone controls can't. I also liked the bird on the body. Because I love birds. And in the music world, the decoration of instruments and hardware plays no small role because it inspires creativity. And the fact that the pedal is assembled by my hands also warms my soul and creates inspiration.

[ramblingdisaster73]

Season 3 Character Highlights - 3 Things

Character: Carlos Reyes

Favorite 3 scenes:

3x08 “In the Unlikely Case of an Emergency”: We got our first “I love you” From Carlos to TK, we saw him try to get through to TK, penetrate the cloud around him. Then we have the airport scenes – watching the plane landing, running onto the tarmac, lifting TK almost off his feet. The vulnerability in the tarmac scene was so powerful to see. For a guy that has always had a lock on outwardly showing his emotions, he wasn’t able to in that moment, and it was beautiful.

3x13 “Riddle of the Sphinx”: No one will ever love TK Strand as much as Carlos, just like no one will ever love Carlos like TK. But watching Carlos coming to terms with not being the primary person to help the most important person in his life was both uncomfortable and beautiful at the same time. The scenes were hard, the emotions were uncomfortable, but the love and acceptance in these scenes were so amazing to watch. – The dinner table scene is my favorite part, the way TK forces the conversation instead of running away, the way Carlos lays his feelings out.

3x18 “A Bright and Cloudless Morning”: The way he looked away from TK after TK asked him to marry him, trying to figure out if he was dreaming or what. That scene is one of my favorites of both Season 3 and the series.

Favorite 3 lines: funny, heartfelt, or ridiculous

3x13 “Riddle of the Sphinx”: “Have fun. But not too much fun.” I know he was having an internal crisis, his brain was short circuiting, but I still laugh at this line. Like, dude, he is going to his 2nd meeting of the day, not a party. His expressions during the entire meeting of Cooper were priceless.

3x04 “Push”: “If I told him what was on my heart, it wouldn’t be very nice.” Carlos has a hard time with things that he has no control over, he knows he can’t make TK live, he doesn’t even really think TK wants him there. But, he sits there, staring at the man he loves, not thinking he can even touch him, hold his hand. It’s very telling that the thing he is most angry about is not being able to touch TK, if this truly was the end.

3x15 “Down to Clown”: “TK, that thing was on me and you didn’t say anything?” followed by “Do not say it crawled.” This whole scene was great, but watching him freak out over Lou was amazing. Seeing this normally calm and cool guy freaking out over the tiny lizard (not that I blame him) was hilarious.

Favorite 3 dynamics:

TK: I don’t have enough words to describe their dynamic, but magical is the one that comes to mind the most with them. We really lucked out on the casting for this show, and particularly with this couple. The way that Ronen & Rafa care about the characters is clear in every action they make.

Nancy, Marjan, & Grace: We really got to see Carlos with more than just TK or Tarlos centered scenes, and I loved each one he shared with these ladies. The way Nancy was supportive of both he and TK during the storm, the way Marjan called him out for the breakup/giving up – also parallels to his relationship with Michelle in S1. I loved 3x11 for the Carlos and Grace scenes, seeing them work together to get their power back was amazing.

Andrea: I loved how she didn’t listen to him about not coming to the hospital for him. The way her heartbreaks for her son and TK when he tells her they broke up, when she tells him that they love TK, you can see the relief in Carlos’ eyes, even though he wasn’t expecting the man to wake up. I need more Andrea Reyes in my life.

3 things we learned:

Vulnerability: I am not sure that we learned what his vulnerabilities are/were, but this was the first time really other than the end of 2x12 that we are allowed to see it, and see it we did. The scenes I chose as my favorites were all scenes where he was showing us what he was feeling, letting us see more than the perfect specimen that is Carlos Reyes. He had a lot of comedic moments too, but the vulnerable ones were my favorites.

Pet Limitations: When you live with TK Strand, you probably have to be somewhat specific on what constitutes a full meal, an acceptable pet, and when to take care of your groceries. I am with Carlos though, I prefer pets that you can actually pet (probably why I have 2 dogs & 5 cats).

Detective/Investigative Skills: It was nice seeing Carlos doing investigative work, things that were separate from TK (even though TK is 100% supportive, he isn’t the most helpful sidekick when it comes to solving mysteries). The man helped the detective solve the kidnapping (really he seemed to do most of the actual legwork), reviewed footage of the Capitol attack on Catherine (even though seeing the real culprit didn’t save them from the drugging), and figuring out who had made the swatting call with Grace & a little help from LAPD. They all showed us how intelligent and observant he is, how much he has learned to trust his instincts.

3 hopes for season 4:

More Reyes Family – I want more Reyes family info, is he an only child?

To have 1 season where he doesn’t have to sit at TK’s hospital bed. –I think that they may flip things on us with 4x08 and hurt Carlos instead of TK.

See more of his friendships with Marjan & Paul – I would be happy with any on screen info they give us about the trio, but I really head cannon that they were a big part of what got him through the break up.

Next up: Marjan Marwani

[cureforbedbugs]

From the archives: Margaret Berger's "Robot Song," December 2006

Margaret Berger has created an entire sci-fi universe in this song; it unfolds how I imagine a Philip K. Dick story might if I ever bothered to read Philip K. Dick.

Notice how Berger immediately establishes a familiar parallel universe, very much like our own, where her unspeakable love has very specific implications depending on her the intimacy of her family relationship: Mom and sisters hear that she's in love with someone (not a robot, never a robot), while Dad can't even know that much. The conversational lightness of this first verse is crucial; it's kind of a bait and switch on first listen, since "Dad can't find out I love a robot" doesn't exactly scream TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. But, like any good melodrama, Berger knows exactly when to hit the right "serious" notes.

Then she establishes the sci-fi framework:

(1) Her love of a robot is forbidden in her society and

(2) As such, she has finally decided to leave the robot.

I imagine them meeting in a park, self-conscious at first, their eyesdarting around looking for judgmental passersby, and when the coast is clear they just hold each other as the world around them dissolves, like Gatsby's final contact with Daisy Buchanan during their first affair.

And there’s new resonance when you realize that "Robot Song" is a duet. The first verse is directed at "you," i.e. the robot. The only thing not directed to the robot is the phrase “I’m in love with a robot” itself, which is more of an existential aside -- why, why, why?

But she returns to the robot in the very next line: "Come to get me when the stars die." Such precise phrasing, "come to get me" over the more colloquial "come and get me." It's little touches like this that sell the drama almost unconsciously, along with Berger’s performance. Presumably, the robot will be alive and ticking when the stars have died and all prejudiced humans have been wiped off the face of the earth, at which point he will find her, also dead, and finally shut down his own microprocessors, since, duh, this is the greatest robo Romeo and Juliet ever told.

Anyway, important to the duet idea -- and this is something I didn’t get on the first few listens -- is that the robot answers her! "You're the only one who makes me feel a thing" is first sung not by Berger herself, but Berger with heavy vocal processing. When she swallows her words on the repetition ("You're the only one that makes me feel a thing, you're the only [one who] ohhhhh") you could hear it (as I sort of hear it) as the closest reaction an android might have to weeping, getting its circuits crossed and skipping like a record. Berger herself, sans robo-filter, sings this line again in the final chorus.

Its meaning changes when she sings it, since the experience of being made to "feel a thing" probably differs from human to robot -- the robot literally can’t feel anything except for this miraculous, forbidden love, whereas Berger means it in the more traditional humanoid sense of hard-heartedness. Another detail in the expanding universe of this song.

The robot gets the parting shot, a haunting epitaph: "Another time, another place, another world..."

[icharchivist]

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

[toysadelaide]

HOW TO USE W335 MODELS ELECTRONIC CIRCUIT ?

The W335 was an amazing experience to play with as it had many fun activities and I could experiment with each of the pieces. The W335 is a circuit-making set in which there are plastic/metal pieces that can be clipped together to create different types of circuits. There are many circuits illustrated and explained in the booklet, but it was more fun to experiment with the pieces to try and make more circuits. Below are three different circuits that I made from the booklet. They are labelled 1-5 in difficulty, with 1 being easy and 5 being hard.

To start off, I made a simple circuit with the battery pack, two straight connectors 3 pins long and an LED light. This one was rated a 1 in difficulty, and even younger kids will be able to attempt this without instructions as the colourful diagram made it really easy to find the parts. The two 3 pin connectors were parallel to each other and each was connected to a terminal on the battery pack. They were then connected to an LED light to create a closed circuit. To experiment and test my own knowledge, I replaced one of the 3 pin connectors with a press switch. On the press switch, there was a metal plate which was connected to one end but not the other. When the plate was pressed, it connected both ends to create a closed circuit.

Now, the next circuit was slightly harder, with a difficulty rating of 4. This circuit allowed me to make a working FM radio using the radio module provided. For this circuit, connectors of various lengths, the speaker, radio module and battery pack were used. It was really fun to listen to, even though it was challenging to connect all the parts in the right order!

Finally, the last model I made was an ambulance siren, rated at difficulty 5. It used many of the pieces in the kit and was a real test of my understanding of circuits. I was so proud of it when I finished that I took a photo of it, which you can see below. It was interesting to observe the change in sound and volume when I swapped out pieces and changed their order. While it took me a while to finish, it was perfect for annoying my parents.

So, the W335 electronics kit was a fun experience for me and would be for anyone who enjoys circuits, using their hands or simply experimenting. Even if you haven’t looked at circuits before, the colourful diagrams and worded instructions make it easy to understand. Overall, you’re sure to have hours of fun with the 335 different models in the kit, just like I did!

[lokihzra]

My Heart’s On Fire For Your Love

Chapter 3

Thor falls to his knees in front of his brother, his heartbeat picking up with every sharp inhale Loki takes. “Loki hey look at me” Thor demands through the lump in his throat as he gently lifts Loki’s face to look at him “you’re okay, we’re in New York” he says as soft as he can, keeping his touch gentle and pleading, hoping Loki can see the worry and pain in his eyes.

“no I-I” Loki stops and gulps to try and ease the lump in his throat attempting to suffocate him “I don’t know what’s happening” he mumbles and tries to look back down at the floor.

Thor pulls his head back up and Loki couldn’t tell if he wanted to pull away or lean into Thor’s touch “breathe Loki, keep your eyes on me”

“I can’t-“ he breaks off into sharp gasps and leans forward until his head hits Thor’s shoulder “make it stop” the gasps burned his lungs but his head hurt more.

worthless, useless, nothing, a monster. Who can love a monster?

Especially a fallen jotun runt.

“Loki please breathe” Thor begs, tears welling up in his own eyes. Helpless, the weight in his heart screams at him to do something but he can’t. Thor isn’t skilled with a Seidr so no matter how bad he wanted to, he couldn’t help his brother.

“Please make it stop” Loki sobs and his stomach drops as he remembers the darkness, the endless silence “Thor please” he begs, pressing his face farther into thor’s shoulder, his hands gripping Thors sweater so hard that Loki swears he feels one of his nails crack.

Thor starts softly shushing him and Loki feels his hand rubbing his back gently, his other hand playing with his hair and he only notices that it calms him down near ten minutes later when his lungs stopped burning and that dull throbbing started pounding at the back of his eyes.

“what do you need?” Thor asks quietly, not moving to pull away.

Loki gulps, trying to ignore the embarrassment as he pulls back “I don’t know why that-“

“you want to rest? you look like you need it” Thor smiles softly making Loki’s nose sting.

“okay”

“Sir, Mr. Rhodes was already on his way here”

Tony sighs but it just gets caught in his throat “wher-where is he?” he says quickly.

“he’s just parked”

“he has a damn suit-oh god” Tony falls back on his ass and brings his knees up to his chin.

“he’s in the elevator”

Tony nods to himself as he grips the table and pulls himself up to his feet. He stumbles and hits his hip against the table so hard he knows there will be a bruise but he doesn’t care because he hears the door slide open.

He turns around to see Rhodey rushing over to him and Tony stumbles over to him, Rhodey catching him before he could trip over his own foot. “Hey man what happened?” Rhodey asks softly as he lowers them to the ground.

“Loki-I-” Tony buries his face in Rhodeys shoulder, his hands holding onto Rhodeys jacket like his life depended on it “me and Loki-“

“You and Loki what? fought?” he asks quietly as he rubs Tony’s back, drawing patterns and words into it.

“no-we-opposite”

“you guys hooked up?” Rhodey nearly yells.

“no-he’s my-“

“okay Tony calm down just breathe, copy my breathing” Rhodey demands and he doesn’t breathe louder on purpose, It helped Tony a lot more when he had to strain to focus, when he blocked everything out to focus on one thing.

And it worked. The pounding in his head got quieter as he strained to listen to Rhodeys even breaths and mimic them. Tony loved Rhodey with all his damn heart, if it wasn’t for Rhodey, Tony probably would have died by 22 and Tony never ever expresses how much Rhodey means to him and he hates it because he got it from Howard.

“you okay now?” Rhodey breaks him from his thoughts, the hand on his back slowing to a halt.

“I love you, you know that?”

“shut up”

“No i really do Rhodes, I would die for you man”

“you’ll die for anyone Tony”

“not true”

“well if you love me so much tell me what happened”

“um” Tony pauses to try and think of how the hell he tells his best friend that soulmates are real and he knows because his soulmate is upstairs right now and it just so happens to be the man who attacked the very city they’re in at the moment “maybe another time buddy”

Tony starts to get up but Rhodey pulls him back down to the floor “I’m your best friend douche bag, tell me”

“do you believe in soulmates?”

“sometimes” Rhodey says with a shrug but continues when Tony raises a brow “I thought you and Pepper were soulmates”

“yeah well she’s not and my soulmate is a guy”

Rhodeys face falls but he quickly breaks off into a quiet laugh “you’re telling me soulmates are real?”

“the city was attacked by aliens five days ago and this, you don’t believe?”

“okay fine keep talking” Rhodey demands as he focuses his attention on Tony.

“nevermind I shouldn’t-“

“Tony tony I’m listening so tell me please” Rhodey nearly begs.

Tony rambles to hopefully avoid the subject but Rhodey knows him. Rhodey knows that this is what he does.“apparently soulmates are rare. Like extinct rare and I don’t really know the purpose but-“

Rhodey interrupts him “Tony”

Tony stops with a huff and as he opened his mouth to say the words, he suddenly couldn’t. “Tony?” he sighs before lifting his sleeve and revealing the L on his wrist, the black marking standing out against his tan skin like an emo at Disney land.

Tony watches as Rhodey frowns at it before his face drops “am I being punk’d?”

“fuck” Tony says harshly as he pulls his sleeve back down “see?” he quickly gets up and walks over to his desk “this is why I don’t want to tell anybody”

“do you love him?” Rhodey asks and Tony stops abruptly.

“no” he says without missing a beat and he turns around to face Rhodey in case the latter doesn’t believe him.

“well then you’ll be okay” Rhodey says reassuringly.

It doesn’t work thought because Rhodey can’t hide his concern from Tony, not after 12 years of being bestfriends. “Thor said something about a bond becoming complete-the fuck does that mean Rhodey?” Tony asks quickly, his heart beating faster than his tongue moves.

“Call Loki down here”

“what? no-“

“I can’t answer your questions only he can”

“Sir it seems that Mr. Odinson is not functional enough to come down here”

He groans before mumbling “and why not?” secretly hoping that JARVIS never heard.

“he’s suffering from a migraine ” JARVIS informs him and Tony sighs in relief before something catches his attention.

“Aliens can get headaches?”

“technically sir he is Asgardian, A god, not an alien, they have the same physiology but they’re only denser so yes Asgardians can get headaches”

“diseases?”

“no sir, their density makes it near impossible for diseases to survive off of their body, it would take nearly a million years for any disease to affect them”

“hm” Tony shrugs “won’t have to use a condom.

“Tony!” Rhodey scolds as he watches Tony walk to the door.

“i’m kidding sourpatch”

May 9th, 2012

“we ordered supper, it’s on the counter” Natasha nods towards the several takeout plates on the counter.

“didn’t know what you guys wanted so I just ordered almost everything” Tony says through a mouthful of food.

Loki frowns down at the meat and vegetables mixed together, with rice or noodles, a bowl of soup and small balls covered in a red sauce. “what is this?”

“Chinese food” Clint says through his mouthful of food

“Why are you here and why are you all dirty?”

“While you guys were destroying the training room we were out cleaning your mess” Steve states

Loki frowns and it disappears before anyone could even notice it. His eyebrows are furrowed and his fists clenched together as he walks over to the giant windows. Thor and Tony silently watching as Loki scans the wreck of the city below him.

Suddenly Tony’s throat closes up, his eyes filling with tears and the weight in his heart makes him literally stop breathing for a moment. He freezes before harshly putting his plate down and watching as Loki is staring down at the city.

Loki's fists are clenched so tight that his arms tremble along with his tense jaw, shaking, trying to form words as he scans the debris littering the streets and buildings. Broken windows and signs, craters from explosions and some buildings had holes in them that was at least 4 stories big.

He blinks quickly to make the tears go away before he holds his palms out, parallel to the window in front of him and his guilt doesn’t fade as the warmth travels through his veins. The warm green light of his magic absorbing the mess; garbage, debris, glass and metal all disappearing from the streets and buildings. He couldn’t fix the buildings or signs, not until he got more of his strength back but this was enough for now.

He couldn't fix broken families and give children their parents back.

He’ll do better.

He’ll make up for it, somehow.

“how many people?” he asks quietly, staying in his spot “how many people did I kill?”

“one hundred and ninety three” Steve states and Loki couldn’t hold in his shaky exhale.

He was about to say something but Clints cold tone made his brain short circuit “cleaning up the mess won’t do anything”

Lokis guilt completely fades morphing into anger as he scans the avengers in the living room. “I accept you all for who you are even when you can’t find even a shred of humanity to accept me. Natasha’s ledger is worse than mine, Thor waged war on Jötunheim out of anger, he wasn’t mind controlled, tortured and forced like I was ” Loki snarls but he continues before Thor can ask questions “Clint you had a secret family, Bruce killed his abusive alcoholic father” Loki stops quickly, his gaze softening as he looks at the tense scientist “I’m not judging you for that I would have done the same thing. Tony is an alcoholic who made weapons and Steve claims to be a self-sacrificing hero yet he has 90 years to prove that”

The room is silent as every word sinks into their bones. Every word was true and none of them could deny that not even to themselves, Tony never ever denied who he was but that doesn’t stop the anger from boiling his blood and organs.

“I’m not the only one with mistakes or a past, I’m not the only one who lies about who I am and I know that, so degrade me all you want but don’t throw it in my face” Loki deadpans “because I promise you Barton, I will win at that game every time” he says lowly.

“shut the fuck up”

“pardon?” Loki glares and Tony feels another wave of that hot red rage setting in his bones.

“shut the fuck up, you’re pissing me off”

Loki scoffs, folding his arms and barking out a laugh “I’m pissing you-“ he stops abruptly, his face dropping as he suddenly marches into the elevator, leaving everyone shocked.

Except for Tony, as fast as the anger came it transformed into fear as soon as-

As soon as Loki wasn't angry anymore.

[jaxsteamblog]

Prompt Generator Series 02

Another story starter. I have toyed with the idea of having Zuko and Katara go off on a dual mission since I wrote “Snowed In” but it hasn’t come together yet. 

Having never been in love before, the main character, after discovering a world of lies and betrayal, when a long lost love returns, asking them for help.

“I. Never. Loved. You.” Mai enunciated, making chopping motions to parse her words. “We were teenagers and you were my only boyfriend. Of course I thought it was love.”

Zuko sat down heavily in his chair. He looked up at her.

“Okay.” He said, his head lolling from the simple effort of talking. 

Mai crossed her arms over her chest.

“Okay.” She said. 

“So what now?” He asked.

Mai at least had the decency to look away and look slightly guilty. That was not a face he saw often, but Zuko knew what it meant.

“Now I go move in with my boyfriend.” She answered.

“You have a boyfriend.” Zuko said, announcing it like he was reading aloud the weather from the paper. 

“Clearly you didn’t notice.” Mai seethed, her jaw tightening and her hands clenching the sleeves of her dress. 

“Hard to notice when you don’t come around.” Zuko replied.

Mai whirled on him. “This is not my fault!” 

“I didn’t say it was.” He said evenly. “I think we’re well past caring about blame.” 

Slapping his hands to the arms of the chair, Zuko pushed himself up. The phantom hand that had pushed him down now was a boulder he curled his body around. He felt geriatric as he propelled himself forward, having to escape the chair before he could stand.

“I’m going to go.” Zuko stated and walked to the front door. 

“It won’t take me long to pack.” Mai said as he passed her. “Most of my stuff is already gone.”

That he had noticed. Her shrinking presence in his life occurring all around him. Zuko hadn’t given it much thought because, after all, where else would she have gone?

Exiting his house, Zuko stood in the cold for a moment. His breath came out like a thin, sickly cloud and he shivered, not having enough time to start warming himself. It wasn’t that he was rushing to leave, only that his brain had told him to go so he left.

Grabbing his wallet and keys had only been incidental as they were always left by the front door. 

Pushing his breath deeper into his body, Zuko warmed himself. It would have been easier with his coat, but he didn’t want to bother going back inside. So he walked down from the stoop to the street where his car was parked. 

Being early afternoon, Zuko wasn’t sure where to go. It was too early to go to a bar, but that thought didn’t appeal to him regardless. He wasn’t one to drink while alone, and being as dazed as he was, it would only be more boring.

He could go to a movie, and that made him shrug.

Getting into his car, Zuko realized he didn’t have his phone. Along with his coat, he relegated them to being temporarily lost and continued on. He would get tea first and then go see a movie. Maybe he would pick up dinner on his way home; he wouldn’t need to call for Mai’s order anyway.

Zuko’s townhouse was in a historic district that was tucked about thirty minutes away from the major city. He liked the shady elms that threatened to dislodge both sidewalk and road, though he often worried about dislodging something driving over the bumps. The children who walked with nannies in the morning to school or to the park, the dogs that bounded over the red brick walkways, and the young moms who pushed narrow strollers as they talked were picturesque in a way he could never describe.

It was domestic, as Mai put it, the word sounding foul in her mouth. She preferred the city in which they both worked. Where niche and boutique was infused into every shop or restaurant as if they had something to prove. For the first few years of their adult lives together, they had lived in the city. Zuko enjoyed not having a commute, and Mai enjoyed the fancy lunches with her friends. But after visiting his uncle’s tea shop in the historic district, Zuko found that this was the environment he preferred. 

He wanted to get a pet and an espresso machine, so he could sit on the back porch and watch the birds in the lake behind the row of brownstone houses. 

Buying the house had been the happiest he had been in awhile, and he didn’t mind the commute; he listened to more books now. 

Heading to his uncle’s shop, Zuko peered around looking for parking. Everything was street parking; the district consistently lost its bid to construct a parking deck against some very dedicated preservationists. One was built just on the outskirts and a trolley bus ran a circuit; it dinged as it passed Zuko as was parallel parking a short distance from the tea house. 

Zuko hadn’t come here much with Mai. While not actively trying to be trendy, Iroh had jumped on the bubble tea wagon and his shop became a destination spot for tourists and local teens. It conflicted with Mai’s persona; she rather go to a cafe for brunch anyway. 

It was as he thought of this, as he walked into the tea shop, that Zuko realized he didn’t really love Mai either. Of course he had; in the way only teenagers could, Zuko loved her. But that was a dismissal of how life worked, an attempt to refute reality. They were too different.

For all she loathed his domestic dream, there was nothing wrong with it. Just as there was nothing wrong with her cosmopolitan lifestyle. 

It was just unfortunate that they tried to build a life on the presumption of teenage romantics.

As Zuko walked past a group of whispering teenagers, he smiled and felt the skin around his left eye tighten. Teenagers weren’t all that bad, and he had certainly done some good with his friends. Was none of it meant to feed into adulthood?

Sokka and Suki were making it work, so surely there had to be some truth to things they discovered in their youth. 

And Katara, wherever she was, she had seemed happy the last time they were all together. 

Zuko got his tea and found an open chair near the fireplace. It was an artificial sort of flame, coming from a gas vent and through a fireproof log. It made his hands twitch for the real thing. 

Ignoring the teenagers, Zuko just sat back and looked out of the wide front window. 

And saw Katara.

Sitting up, he watched as she darted into the shop, making a quick beeline for the counter. Shoving past the line of patrons, she slammed her hands down making the barista jump.

“I need to talk to Iroh.” Katara stated. The young man behind the counter looked first at the line that was starting to grumble and then glanced at Zuko.

Katara followed his gaze and stared at Zuko as well.

“Never mind, he’ll do.” Katara said and pushed away from the counter, causing the line to ripple angrily behind her. 

Pushing himself into his seat, Zuko watched plaintively as Katara marched up to him.

“I was looking for you anyway.” She announced, stopping in front of him. Zuko held up his tea cup, looking up at her with wide eyes.

“Why?” He asked.

“I’ve gotten reports of the Blue Spirit using his demonic powers on people.” She said. Zuko frowned and put his cup down.

“That’s impossible.” He replied.

“I know. Want to know how I knew it wasn’t you?” She went on.

“How?”

“They’ve been using Bloodbending.”

Zuko felt chilled again, but it was too cold for him to even shudder. It just raced along his veins, threatening to shatter him. 

“Okay.” He said.

“Okay.” Katara repeated, somehow managing a grin.

“What now?” Zuko asked as he put his untouched cup down on the side table.

Katara softened her smile and reached a hand out to him.

“We go kick ass.” She answered. 

Yes, some things did continue into adulthood. As Zuko remembered the day the rain stopped, he felt his heart thud in his chest. He took Katara’s hand, feeling the living warmth of it for a second. 

Love could be domestic, it could also be terrible and frightening. 

[trashogram]

Devotee II. 

Ryuk/Misa

Warnings: Emotional/Psychological Manipulation, Abusive Relationships, Dubious Consent to Interspecies Relations, Painful Sex, and Sociopath Light Yagami

Part One | Part Three

When he fully processed Light’s proposition, Ryuk had cackled madly. His crowing built up like oncoming thunder, and the chains he wore rattled and clinked with the intensity. He laughed so hard that he had to hold onto his sides, long arms wrapping around his emaciated stomach as if it truly strained him.

Misa had stood behind the arrogant man, looking pale as a ghost. Her eyes were wide as the moon and she was uncharacteristically silent during their exchange, but it wasn’t hard to see why with the whole picture.

“You’ve finally lost it, Light-o.” Ryuk guffawed, feet finally back on the ground after he’d risen out of astonishment.

Light was unphased. “It’s not a joke.”

The laughter finally stopped, and Ryuk stood there with mounting confusion.

“... Why…?” He was truly dumbfounded, brain short-circuiting over how this could possibly be happening.

“You can’t trade her for the eyes.” The god of death chided Light. “No way would - ”

“ - Would offering Misa be enough to gain Shinigami eyes?” Light interrupted. “That’s fine. I figured as much.”  

“That’s not what I want.” Light said, lips quirking. “I don’t want anything from you.”

He reached behind himself and pulled Misa forward by the wrist, holding her out for the shinigami to take, as if Misa was just another apple.  

Ryuk reared back, head swiveling so fast that were he not already impervious to death, he would’ve broken his neck. Misa looked up at him with her hands clasped together in prayer.

“Ryuk.” She addressed him, voice hoarse. “Please, please do this with me. It’s all I want.”

     He’d grown so accustomed to these particular humans, it wasn’t far-fetched to think he’d seen everything they had to offer. Misa’s devotion to Light Yagami went to great lengths, so far that she’d been willing to give her life for his ‘cause’... But this was crossing a different line entirely.

Ryuk’s bulbous eyes bore into the second Kira. He wouldn’t lie to himself. Misa may have been a human, and he a Shinigami, but Ryuk found the young woman plenty attractive. It didn’t matter much, knowing how crazy she was for Light, and how Misa wouldn’t have considered this in the first place. This kind of thing had likely never crossed her mind, nevertheless she was currently begging for Ryuk to fuck her.

She’d rather die first, wouldn’t she?

Or maybe she would die if she didn’t do this. Misa did look like a hostage at the moment, and Light was keeping her there with a harsh grip.

“Please?” Misa’s voice thickened with emotion, misery.

Ryuk was a little sad at the thought of Misa being disposed of so soon. And there was no rule against this, so if he did ‘help’ her here, it wouldn’t be enough to kill him.  

There was another long silence, before Ryuk acquiesced by nodding.

“Alright.”

-------------

“You have to pretend it’s me.” Light had Misa by the shoulders, the caricature of a life coach trying to pep up a client. “That’s the only way this is going to work.”

His natural nonchalance so understated the demand that he had made of her, which he was well aware of. If this parasite of a woman weren’t so delusional, she’d already have left him and never looked back. Of course, she wouldn’t get very far considering he would just kill her, but still.

No sane person would possibly go through with this.

Light had adapted to Ryuk’s presence quickly, and regarded him with the same fondness one might bestow a stray cat. At his best, Ryuk was a not-quite-captive audience to Light’s triumphs, completely aware of how far Light had gone to secure his place as god.

That didn’t erase the fact that Ryuk was inhuman.

He was hideous. 7 feet tall while hunching, with grotesque blue-gray skin marred by stitches and deep grooves in his eccentric clothing. Ryuk was the stuff of nightmares, watching everyone with unblinking yellow eyes and a permanent grin on his ghastly face.

To Light, the shinigami barely resembled a man and looked more like an abomination trying to pretend it was human.

So, Light almost felt sorry for goading the little blonde gnat he called a girlfriend into fucking said abomination.

There wasn’t any reason for Misa to do this, truth be told. He’d planted the seed in her head that this was some nebulous albeit highly necessary test to prove her worth. If she had time to think it over, Misa would’ve realized how little sense this “test” made.

But for his own intrigue, and out of more than a little resentment, Misa’s strings were plucked expertly. She was already so needy, wanting affirmations of his love if ever he could spare them.

Light squeezed her shoulders and held her close. He faked actual care with all the grace of a trained actor.

“I know, I know.” He hushed. “It’s scary. It must seem impossible to you. It would seem that way to anyone, I’m sure.”

Why put her through it, then? Ryuk thought wryly. Aren’t you supposed to protect people you love?

Ryuk waited on the edge of the couple’s bed meanwhile, observing their silhouettes while listening to them whispering in the doorway. He felt confident that Misa herself was aware, on some level, that everything Light said was bullshit, but also knew that that didn’t matter.

Misa Amane wasn’t stupid - she was spontaneous and flighty, posing an issue more because she didn’t fit into Light’s rigid worldview then because of a lack of a brain. Nevertheless, her heart typically outbid her head when it came to decision making; and she was perpetually a prisoner to the irrational fantasy that Light genuinely cared for her.

“But I know you can do this for me, Misa.” Light said tenderly. “You’re so brave. The only one that’s worthy enough to be Kira’s wife.”

Ryuk wouldn’t have believed it had he not been Light’s shadow for this long, but that faux kindness worked. It took longer than Light would have probably liked for Misa’s shaking to have lessened somewhat. Her heavy breathing tampered down while her boyfriend held her close and rested his head atop hers, arms wrapped around her tightly like she was precious.

Light gently detached her from him again after a small eternity, putting a hand under her chin to ensure they made eye contact. Misa sniffled, nodding slowly.

—-----

The door opened with a creak, with Light and Misa filing in, the latter of whom looking like she was about to be executed.

When Misa turned on her heels to face Ryuk, she was unaware of the smug look on Yagami’s handsome face. Ryuk didn’t comment, averse to the unprecedented disgust that settled in his gut at Light’s callousness. He’d never felt disdain for Light’s actions before, though he’d gone beyond what Ryuk believed to be the limit of atrocities for a single human.

Instead, Ryuk’s attention focused on Misa as the girl crept forward, inch by literal inch. She was standing six-feet away from him before he reached out and carefully tugged her the rest of the way by her waist, making her squeak. He let go as he saw the clear trepidation in her brown eyes from this close.  

The woman looked lost standing there, until Light cleared his throat expectantly.

Ryuk’s brow lifted. “You’re gonna be in here, too?”

Light shrugged, taking a seat parallel to the bed. The bastard was actually failing at containing the smirk on his face over this.  

“Freak.” Ryuk chortled uncomfortably.  

Misa inhaled and exhaled a few times, shoulders rising and falling, before masking her fear with determination. Her counterpart cocked his head, watching her curiously.

Without warning, Misa’s eyes shut tight and Ryuk balked when she pitched forward. The woman was so short that she needed to apply her weight on her toes as she made to kiss him. She couldn’t make it all the way, with Ryuk’s mouth being as big as it was, but she pecked his lower lip before drawing back.

He watched her return upright, noting the scrunch of her nose. Oddly, it wasn’t a look of disgust on her face as much as it was one of perplexity.

“You’re really cold.” Misa determined out loud.

“Oh, uh yeah...” Ryuk replied, flinching at the sound of his own voice. “Sorry, about that. Not much I can do…”

The silence that followed was awkward, making Ryuk twitch, and he scoured his brain for a way to end it all.

His taloned hands came to rest on Misa’s hips, allowing him the opportunity to savor the heat that had seeped from her body into her clothes. Even with the fabric of her shorts in the way, he was able to feel the shape of her, and her supple flesh.

Misa grabbed Ryuk’s claws, steadying herself in his grip and wincing at the fact that the shinigami’s hands were just as cold as his lip. Her hands quickly slid from his, up to grasp the leather covering his lean arms.

Her touch started a flurry of feelings inside his abdomen. He was uncomfortable, but the feeling was slowly fading away in favor of excitement.

It had been a while since Misa’s touch had forced him to dematerialize out of shyness. He still felt strangely when she made contact with him, but it was less of a churning in his stomach and more of a fluttering. Ryuk had begun anticipating her affectionate gestures over time, to where he was bummed out if a day passed and he’d been neglected.

Never had his desire for physical contact with her amounted to a shared embrace or groping, however. He wasn’t as delusional as Misa, no matter how badly he wanted something.

“Don’t you think she’s overdressed, Ryuk?” Light asked across from them.

Misa dug her nails into Ryuk’s sleeves while his hands rose to the hem of her tank top and he started to lift it up. He was already pulling the flimsy piece of clothing over her shoulders before Misa remembered to lift her arms up.

When it was off and thrown to the side, the girl immediately covered her chest.

Ryuk chuckled, dragging his knuckles against her side, feeling her ribs beneath layers of skin and muscle. For her part, Misa did an excellent job of not recoiling violently as she so obviously wanted to.

Her arms were akimbo for a moment. Then, Misa placed her much smaller hand over his, holding on to stymy any potential brusqueness on his part.

He didn’t apply any pressure or make a grab for her. Ryuk skimmed, content with just being able to touch her for the time being. His hand traveled past her shoulder up to her neck, and soon tangled in her hair. The palm of his hand was large enough to cover the back of her head in full.

Ryuk’s shoulders straightened when Misa warily leaned into his touch, letting him cradle her head and thread her yellow locks between his spindly fingers in earnest. He didn’t say anything when Misa closed her eyes, just marvelled at how silky her hair was and how it compared to her skin.

Humans were squishy beings, but Misa in particular was soft and smooth just about everywhere.

Ryuk hadn’t given it too much thought before then, but he liked the consistency. Touching her was nice, even more so when Misa gave him access to her willingly - well, semi-willingly.

Their audience of one sighed on the sidelines, unwilling to pretend to be a wallflower.

Light rested his head on one hand, watching the two, who, to Light’s chagrin, weren’t exactly falling in line. He knew that Misa was a magnet for shinigami, but seeing Ryuk be so gentle with her upset Light’s stomach. The man supposed that it was his own fault, hoping that Ryuk might lose the few brain cells he had and break Misa as soon as he got to her.

Then again, that reluctance only solidified proof that Ryuk was able to be manipulated where Misa was concerned.

“You do know what sex is, right Ryuk?” Light spoke up again, impatient. “Or do we need to give you the talk?”

Ryuk scoffed, mood souring somewhat.

“You don’t have to be so nosy, ya know?” He snapped, pushing aside the irony of his own words.

Misa looked toward Light each time he spoke, and Ryuk found that to be a contributing factor to his own ire. He felt like complaining over her lack of enthusiasm as well… maybe that was overdoing it in terms of ignoring irony, though.

        The shinigami eyed the shorts around her waist and the bra on her chest. Given his purpose in life, Ryuk possessed a wealth of patience compared to your average human, but considered that he might be on a time limit.

The tentative exploration ended as soon as it began, and without another word Ryuk yanked at her shorts with his free hand.

“Hey!” Misa went rigid with alarm. The shinigami silenced her by placing his mouth over hers, eagerly pulling her in until she was crushed against his bony chest.

The model began to thrash, unprepared for Ryuk’s tongue to sweep over her lips and worm its way down her throat. She took in a mouthful of him, gagging on the unbelievably long appendage. He was too rough, too clumsy, and literally tore off her brazier in his insistence to swallow her whole.

At the feeling of sharp teeth pressed against her, Misa felt fear consume her. It would be very easy for Ryuk to either choke her this way, or for his fangs to bite off her tongue and make her bleed out.

“You’re going to suffocate her, Ryuk.” Light’s voice put a pause on things.

Ryuk halted, and Misa pulled away until she was free to gasp for air. Ryuk was dismayed at first, regarding Light as a pest in a bizarre switch of roles. Yet, when he saw Misa’s skin beginning to return to a normal shade, from the bluish cast it had taken on, Ryuk felt sheepish.

“Oops.”  

“It’s fine.” Light was perched on an armchair, legs crossed as he maintained the role of a passive observer. “Just keep it in mind that humans have to breathe from now on.”  

Misa twisted in Ryuk’s grasp as much as she could, incredulous. “Light! Can we st -”

“AH!” She shrieked.

Ryuk didn’t wait for more information before he was at her again. She was in shock as Ryuk took one of her breasts in his mouth and swirled his tongue over her nipple. He hummed against her malleable flesh, delighting in how Misa began struggling again while simultaneously mewling.

Ryuk hadn’t spent a lot of time watching humans engaging in sexual activity -- if he saw it, it was usually by accident and normally just tickled his funny bone.

Her hands had moved from his arms to his shoulders, and now she was digging her manicured nails into the back of his neck, either to keep stable or to throw him off.

If her intention was to ward him away, Misa was failing spectacularly. The feeling of being clawed wracked Ryuk’s body with tremors, encouraging him to return the favor by marking her back with his talons.

He’d seen humans going at it before, in all kinds of ways and in all kinds of places, but was surprised by how much he was enjoying it.

Still suckling, the death god finally managed to take off her shorts with minimal damage. Misa was completely bare by the time Ryuk let go of one breast to suck greedily at the other, his shark-like teeth grazing her areola.

Misa was jarred forward, feeling like an unwitting passenger on the world’s worst rollercoaster while being pulled, prodded and wrenched to the shinigami’s liking. His talons were scraping over every bit of skin that he could reach, from her upper back down to her ass, which he kneaded with bruising enthusiasm.

Ryuk let go, drool pouring down his chin as he gave her a hooded stare.

“Yum.” He said huskily.

Misa flushed as a sharp, gleaming grin stretched the corners of Ryuk’s mouth. His typical laugh was muffled while he moved in for another slobbery kiss. With the return of his overly-long tongue, Misa clamped down on it with her blunt teeth in an effort to stop the assault. She jumped when all it did was change Ryuk’s sniggering into a groan, provoking a twinge of heat in her lower belly.  

The second Kira whimpered, losing her will to continue fighting. In the background, Kira himself smirked as her conviction visibly dwindled.  

[divinedecay]

Kindness Kills, Part 3

Prompt: They were a ww, he was a vamp, can I make it any more obvious Pairing: Vamp!Kuroo Tetsurou x WW!Reader Word Count: 1,994 Warnings: Blood mention, bad writing lol Taglist: @writeiolite​ A/N: Damn, the final part... I hope its alright Part 1 // Part 2

Of course.

Of course it would come to this.

Of course it would come to you and Tetsurou circling each other, prepared to lunge, to wound, to kill.

Of course.

    You really, truly, should have known better. After what happened before, you should have known. Should have expected this. But instead, you had allowed yourself to do something stupid. Not only had you allowed yourself to have feelings for a Vampire - granted, this wasn’t exactly something you could control, but still - but you had also given in to those feelings. As you stalked around Kuroo, you couldn’t help but marvel at what a damned idiot you were.

    After leaving Teru’s apartment, you had known your time was short; you had to either find a very good hiding place, or find somewhere to wait. Somewhere of your choice.

If it was to be a fight, you were determined to have it on your terms.

    So you’d found a place, and waited. It hadn’t taken long for Kuroo to come to you.

    You had both heard and smelled him coming; he had made no effort to hide it. You hoped that wasn’t arrogance that drove him, because, if so, he was in for a nasty surprise. 

“Y/N,” his voice had sounded from behind you, and the tone he took sent your anger skyrocketing.

“Don’t,” you snarled the word, “don’t you dare say my name like you love me when I know you’re here to rip my guts out.” He hadn’t said anything after that, and you had simply stood and turned to face him, letting the anger and betrayal burn brightly in your eyes as you stared him down. “I should have known. I should have known better than to trust you. It was always going to come to this, and I was stupid enough to believe that maybe it wouldn’t. Stupid of me to expect the past not to repeat itself."

"Y/N, I don't-"

"Have a choice?" You cut him off, teeth practically bared. "Don't give me that bullshit. There's always a choice." You pause, scoff, roll your eyes. "Then again, it was choices that got me into this mess, wasn't it? I should have known better than to trust a vampire again after what your kind did."

"Y/N-"

"Shut up, Blood Drinker." You look at his eyes, at the barely masked pain there. You could let him speak. Give him time to explain. You could. But you're too busy remembering what happened before, what led you to this entire situation in the first place. You almost laughed at the parallels, at the sheer twist of fate that caused this. What happened before, before anything to do with Tetsurou, it made you so beyond angry at this entire situation. Angry at Tetsurou, for being a Vampire. Angry at your former pack leader, for being naive. Angry at yourself, for being a complete and utter dumbass.

    So he doesn't get to speak, to explain, you decide. He's here to kill you, why should he get to explain himself?

    You feel your teeth elongating, your nails growing as you began to slowly move to the side. Kuroo copies the movements, backing away and trying to keep you in front of him.

Not that it will matter, you grin, shoving your hurt deep, deep down. Now wasn't the time for hurt, now was the time for anger. No matter how this turned out, you won. If he died, you got your revenge, your vindication. You rid yourself of him forever and you can move on.

    If you died, you were taking as much with you as you could. You'd make sure he had scars from this encounter, make sure he remembered you for as long as his miserable life lasted.

“Y/N,” for fucks sake, the way he said your name drove you insane. Shaking off the pang in your heart at his voice, you lunge before he can say another word. Your claws graze his cheek as you practically tackle him to the ground, the claws on your other hand starting to sink into his shoulder. You see the shock in his eyes as his body reacts before his mind can catch up, and he practically launches you off of him, sending you basically flying halfway across the clearing.

    You land, hard, on your side, your breathing heavy, but you don’t launch back up. Especially when you hear him inching closer.

    As soon as he’s close enough to you, you swing your legs, knocking him over and launching yourself on top of him once more, but the glint in his eye tells you he was expecting this, and he uses his strength to turn the tables so that you’re pinned down, not him. A drop of blood falls on you from the bleeding scratches on his cheek.

“Just listen to me!” His voice is rough and desperate, and it takes everything in you to ignore it.

“Why should I?!” The anger is written plain on your face. The hurt. The betrayal. And you know it. Kuroo’s face is different, all frustration and determination, and then suddenly his lips are at your neck and his fangs are sinking into your skin.

“Are you fucking insane?!” You didn’t know how Vampires reacted to Werewolf blood, and you weren’t sure you wanted to find out. In that moment, you were too shocked and baffled to remember that you’re supposed to be angry, but your emotions quickly boil back over, anger flushing your face once more.

“Just listen for one fucking minute!”

“No, you listen! You have absolutely no right to ask me to listen! None!”

“Why the hell not?!” There’s a look in his eye, a wild desperation.

“Because this has happened before,” you’re yelling now, screaming with anger, with every bit of emotion you have. His face changes, just for a moment.

“Wh-what?” The confusion in his voice is so genuine, the shock so real. You scoff.

“What? Your treacherous, backhanded, slimy despot of a clan didn’t bother to tell you how they wiped out an innocent pack, minding their own business?” You like to think that if Kuroo had the ability to pale even more, he would have. “Well,” you sneer, “let me educate you.

    Once, there was a small clan, who lived just outside the city. They kept to themselves and bothered no one, the whole shebang. They were kind to everyone. And, one day, their pack leader fell in love.

    She was a sweet Wolf, cared about her pack and others around her, but love… love destroyed her. You see, she fell in love with a Vampire. But what none of us knew was that this Vampire wasn’t actually in love. This Vampire was sent to us. To destroy us. Just for being what we are. Because our pack leader dared to fall in love with a ‘higher’ being.” The words that you spit out are filled with disgust, but old wounds that still stung. Kuroo watched your face, watched as years of anger and sadness came raging out. “One day, I was out, away from the pack, running errands, and I came back to-” your voice catches, halting and tripping over itself, “to carnage. Everyone. Everyone was dead, and the whole place stunk of Vampire, of Vampire work.” You shake your head, fighting back the prick of tears in the corners of your eyes. “I made the mistake of thinking you could be different.” Your voice is quieter now, your eyes averted, but still angry. “So, yeah. Fuck you and your clan.”

“Listen,” he takes a breath, fighting to keep the disgust out of his voice so that you can’t misinterpret his tone, “for just- for just a minute, and then, if you still want to rip me apart, you can. I’ll stand here and let you.” Your eyes snap to his, and you blink a couple of times in surprise. “I had no idea about your pack, Y/N, and I had nothing to do with the horrific actions my clan took.

    I am not my clan, and if you’ll give me  your ear - not literally-” a flash of a shit-eating grin, then it’s gone again - “I’ll explain everything.” He paused, searching your face for a sign to continue. You blinked at him again, and he could see the war behind your eyes, but you made no moves against him, nor did you speak. He took that as permission to continue. “My clan gave me the ultimatum, yes. Kill you or die. And, yes, I told them I would kill you.” Anger flashes in your eyes, but he continues, unfazed. “What my clan fails to realize is that not everyone is as bigotted and backwards as them.

    I have no intentions of killing you, Y/N. None at all. In fact, I… I really intend to leave the clan. And I hope you’ll come with me.” His voice is almost scared, and you have to replay his words over and over in your head to make sure that you understood him.

“Why?” It’s the only thing you can utter for a moment, then questions start flooding out. “Why? Why on this God-forsaken planet would you choose me, a Werewolf, over your clan? I’m not even immortal, this is the worst possible decision-” And then his lips are on yours, hesitant and soft. He’s never kissed you like this, like he’s scared and desperate, but he is now, and it makes your brain short-circuit a little.

“Because,” he mutters, his face mere inches from yours, “I love you, Y/N. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I’d rather be with you for however long you’ll have me than sell me soul out to beings who probably don’t even know what love it. I’d rather go through everything that comes with being with you than live one more undead day without you.” The words are pouring from his lips, flooding your ears like a tsunami. The weight of them threatens to crush you, but something in your heart leaps with hope. You struggle for words, stumbling over syllables until the only thing that manages to leave your mouth tumbles right on out.

“Say sike right now.” He blinks, then starts laughing, and it's the best thing you’ve heard all day. And the most terrifying.

“No, babe, there is no “sike.” I love you,” that grin, that damned grin, spread across his face, and you knew that, as much as you wanted to be angry with him, it wasn’t his fault. It was his clan’s. And he wasn’t his clan. “So, what do you say? Be a cliche and run away with me?”

    There were so many things that could go wrong, so many things that could backfire. There were so many risks, so many problems. And yet… you couldn’t help but think that it would be worth it. You loved him, you really, truly, did, and, if he was to be believed, he loved you, too. You were happier than you’d been since before your entire pack was murdered, and you knew it.

    You take a deep breath and close your eyes, trying to teach yourself how to give in to the feeling once more. It was easy, truth be told. Kuroo was, well, Kuroo, and that was enough for you.

    You open your eyes to the same easy grin, but there’s worry in his eyes. You bring your hand up to his cheek, wipe away the blood, let the anger leave your body. 

“I love you too, Tetsu.” If it was possible, his grin gets wider, and his eyes get brighter. An expression of pure joy washes over him. There would always be complications, sure. There would be troubles and risks and things that go wrong, but you could deal with all of it, every single bit, so long as Kuroo was by your side. 

Perhaps his kindness wouldn't kill you after all.

[songisforyou]

Now We Sit in Your Car, and Our Love Is a Ghost (5/8)

I keep playing on repeat / the same set of memories / I’m in the passenger seat / and you are there next to me. 

The first boy I date is one I learn to care for on a twenty-four hour drive to Colorado, and on seven-hour drives to and from Kentucky. I don’t think I am ever in love with him, but I learn to love asking him questions in the bubble of the front seat, the night flashing by outside. Inside that bubble, there are no secrets, nothing is too stupid to say, everything we say is full of meaning, and I get to choose the music for hours on end.

I like the way the hours slip away when they’re ours / and I like the way the highway waves goodbye behind the car.

I remember the boy distinctly drenched in the gold of sunrise on the drive back, crossing state after state until the sunrise becomes a sunset and we finally find home in the middle of the night. I sit next to him, trying to memorize his profile, wondering if he sees me the way I see him: beautiful. Wondering if he sees me the way I see him: in great detail, observing the angle of his wrist, one hand holding the bottom of the steering wheel, the way he sings along quietly when I pick the right song. 

I know you like wide open spaces / and long horizon lines. / The sun sets in the rearview mirror, we’re / almost out of time. 

I write songs about him. They are songs about cars, about sitting next to the driver. Of course Lorde, too, falls in love in a car, and the car serves as the vehicle to convey her love story. 

The journey starts in Pure Heroine. In Pure Heroine, “400 Lux,” Lorde sings, “you pick me up and take me home again / head out the window again,” and the chorus calls to mind endless cookie-cutter blocks passing by in the suburbs, the roads “where the houses don’t change / where we can talk like there’s something to say.” She captures the magic of feeling important, of how the car can turn the trivial into the essential, the mundane into the meaningful, providing the closest thing to freedom that she can find in suburbia. 

The final track of the album, “A World Alone,” opens “That slow-burn wait while it gets dark / bruising the sun. / I feel grown-up with you in your car. / I know it’s dumb.”  I think of this stanza all the time. I play it on almost every car ride when the sunset begins giving way to dusk. The sentiment is the same as in “400 Lux,” where the car becomes a place where we are important. We can fall in love because we can talk to each other here, and in this car, we inhabit a world alone. Maybe it’s stupid. It’s almost unbearably tender, the simple music behind the words, the lone notes, the space around them, the gradient of soft color against the car, the lump in my throat. Maybe I look back one day and think that the things I said were trivial, not as profound as I thought, that I was just a kid—but it doesn’t matter. In those moments, we believe in what we say to each other. We hear each other.  

Lorde doesn’t have a driver’s license (to this day). Like me, she is always in the passenger seat, never alone, never an independent traveler, always existing in relation. In his car, she must have felt like an adult. I wonder if she wanted to reach over the seat and touch his face, if she kept looking at him when he was looking at the road, drinking him in, waiting for his eyes to flicker toward her and back to the street, if she sang harmony along with the radio and wondered if he thought her voice was pretty (it’s unconventional, a low, alto growl, but it becomes addictive, works its way into the heart of the listener)—if she did all the same things I did, craved the same things I craved, worried, like I worried, that she was making too much of these moments. Is it stupid?

In Melodrama, we hear the aftereffects of the love, the memory of it. The two songs that mention his car are “Hard Feelings” and “Supercut,” a song about the end and a song about remembering the beginning after the end has come.  

In the first, she writes “now we sit in your car / and our love is a ghost.” I swallow these words on long car rides with my ex, when we are in the same group for weekend climbing trips. In the second, the ghost is explored. A supercut is a montage, and Lorde’s is one that cuts together “all the magic we gave off / All the love we had and lost.” In her head, the same moments replay — “In your car, the radio up / In your car, the radio up.” The line repeats itself like the memories, abruptly cutting back, somewhere between supercut and short-circuit. “We keep trying to talk about us / I’m someone you maybe might love.” The song calls back to “400 Lux” and “A World Alone,” a beautiful representation of the way we remember our relationships, our habit of recalling the best parts, of getting lost in nostalgia, finding ourselves wrapped up by the ribbons that tie us to the people we loved.

The love is remembered in one car; the post-breakup recovery in another. “Liability,” one of the most vulnerable, heart-wrenching songs on Melodrama, expresses Lorde’s attempt to come to terms with her breakup, opening with “Baby really hurt me / crying in the taxi / he don’t want to know me.” She is no longer welcome in his car. He doesn’t want to know her (“he,” not “you,” a far cry from the intimacy they shared). Instead, we imagine, he has put her in a cab. A stranger drives her home. Similarly, the entire album begins with “I do my makeup in / Somebody else’s car. / We order different drinks / At the same bar.” We know from this line that she is going to the same place as he is, but she can’t go there with him. She has to take someone else’s car. To begin the album this way is to emphasize the excruciating awareness Lorde has of their parallel paths and the distance between them.

The recovery, in the end, requires finding a new way to move through the world. “I ride the subway, read the signs,” she sings in the second verse of “Writer in the Dark.” In real life, while writing the album, she “took lots of subway rides, auditioning rough mixes of songs on cheap earbuds, which helped give her a sense of how the music would sound in daily life.” The subway is independent, solitary. It enables her to focus on her work. It doesn’t require her to dedicate her attention to the person next to her, the way conversation in the car does. It might be something like her new life, the one where she faces thousands of strangers every night instead of facing the specific person she once loved from the passenger seat. On the subway, in the stadium, she is always on display yet perhaps often unseen, unknown. She has emerged from the privacy of a love affair (in his car) and the privacy of her own heartbreak (in another car) into the individual-yet-communal and decidedly-unromantic experience of public transit. Perhaps it reminds the girl she used to be, when she wrote, “we ride the bus with our knees pulled in” (“Buzzcut Season”) or “we count our dollars on the train to the party” (“Team”), before the complications of the relationship took over. But perhaps it is different — now, there is no mention of anyone else with her. The independence is more complete, if bittersweet.  

I take the train from school back to my city. I’ve never driven anywhere alone, since I didn’t get my driver’s licence until a week before I returned to school for senior year, where I don’t have a car. Sometimes I remember the bubble of my ex-boyfriend’s car, but I also think of the way I can put in my headphones on the train and just sit with my own thoughts. It’s a lonely release, a haunted freedom.

[austennerdita2533]

I'm so happy that you love Folklore too! It's not just my favorite Taylor Swift album, but easily one of by favorite albums, full stop :) Here's a fun challenge: which Folklore songs remind you of a certain ship? So is there a Folklore song that makes you think of literati? Another one that makes you think of a Grey's ship? A third that makes you think of Elizabeth/Darcy? A fourth that reminds you of Klaroline and - I'll shut up, you get the idea :) Pick any Folklore songs/ships you want!

Taylor Swift’s latest album is a masterclass of musical poetry and storytelling. Rarely do I download every song a musician puts out on a new album (I tend to pick and choose), but I can genuinely say I never hit DOWNLOAD so fast in my life before than I did with Folklore! I love all sixteen tracks! I’ve been listening to them on a loop for two days straight and I imagine that’s likely to continue for the foreseeable future.

Also, YASSS! That is a fun challenge! It’s also one I can manage because I’ve been thinking about how certain songs/lyrics apply to many of my ships since I first started listening anyway. Prepare yourself. This is gonna be long. 😁

Okay SO, for Literati... 

If I’m angling to lean into s3-s6 angst that was Rory and Jess at that point in the OG series, then I’d say the 1 is a good fit. That song has the same energy as someone who’s writing a goodbye letter to a loved one that will never be sent. It’s cleansing. Cathartic. An exorcism of feeling. It absolutely reeks of regret and longing with just a touch of look-back-over-your-shoulder-and-wish, just wish, that things could have been different:

“But we were something, don't you think so?”

“And if my wishes came true It would've been you“

“But it would've been fun If you would've been the one”

However, if I’m in more of a They’ll Come Back to Each Other mood with Literati then I think this is me trying screams Rory and Jess. That song emanates nostalgia! It’s haunting in tone (with the echoes, with some slight vibrato). The lyrics bleed with feeling, with emotion that should have rusted long ago but hasn’t. Love is still as red as it was at the beginning of everything only now...only now there’s realization and an attempt at atonement for past mistakes...

“I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that Pulled the car off the road to the lookout Could've followed my fears all the way down And maybe I don't quite know what to say But I'm here in your doorway“

It's hard to be anywhere these days When all I want is you You're a flashback in a film reel On the one screen in my town (the town, of course, made me think of Stars Hollow)

I just wanted you to know That this is me trying At least I'm trying

For Darcy and Elizabeth, I think seven works well for them in spots. If you listen to the song, there’s a little bit of an echoey timber to the way Taylor sings it and that gave me the sense of how classic love stories/literature kind of ripple across time, you know? How the pages may crinkle or yellow over the years, but they still leave their mark. Plus, there’s also the piano in the background. Almost feather light. It mixes with what sounds like violins in places. Idk, it has a slight P&P 2005 vibe about it to me:

“Please picture me in the weeds Before I learned civility” >> (Because did Darcy learn civility before or after Lizzie eviscerated him mid-proposal at Rosings? Did Lizzie learn to temper her prejudice before or after Lydia ran away with Wickham?)

“Passed down like folk songs Our love lasts so long“ >> (Elizabeth says herself she’s going to be happier than Jane because “[she] laughs; [her sister] only smiles.”)

I have a couple for Klaroline, too. hoax jumped out at me for them first because it’s layered with darkness and angst. The imagery pops. It’s all smoking guns and eclipsed suns and screaming on cliffsides; which, for a pair of supernaturals, and for an Original who has a history of leaving blood in his wake, I think some visuals of misery and violence are a fitting thing. I’m also obsessed with the piano in this. The way she strokes her fingers over the keys - quick tap, tap, taps then a slow one or two in places - gives you a sense of running. It’s a great parallel to her lyric about “sleepless nights.” Here are some other Klaroline-heavy lyrics in this song:

“You knew it still hurts underneath my scars From when they pulled me apart But what you did was just as dark Darling, this was just as hard As when they pulled me apart” >> (This whole section just booms with “I’ve shown kindness. Forgiveness. Pity. For you, Caroline It was all for you” energy.)

“Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in Don't want no other shade of blue But you No other sadness in the world would do“

peace is the other song that had me crying in Klaroline. I like the softness of it, the vulnerability. I imagine it more from Klaus’s perspective, though, because it strikes me as more confessional in nature. Like it’s a revelation that’s being dragged across his teeth and he wants to scream. Almost as if these aren’t necessarily feelings he wants to share, or wants known, but there’s just no holding them back now. He’s thrown off the lid. Caroline needs to be able to walk toward him with her eyes wide open, so he only speaks truth, he only speaks honesty now. Similar to hoax, this song has darker imagery as well. There’s fire and fences and trenches and all that jazz:

“Your integrity makes me seem small You paint dreamscapes on the wall“ >> (Same energy as “you’re strong, beautiful, full of light.”)

“And you know that I'd Swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches” >> (basically a promise that he’d fight FOR her and WITH her)

“But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm If your cascade ocean wave blues come All these people think love's for show But I would die for you in secret“ >> (THIS IS THE PART THAT HITS ME THE MOST BC so much of Klaus’s love is shown not spoken, so yeah, he dies for her in secret all. the. time. already. There are 5 other ways I could interpret that as well. But I will spare you haha)

“The devil's in the details

“Would it be enough If I could never give you peace?” >>With supernatural enemies everywhere, there won’t be much peace, will there?

I get walloped with Braime/Jaime and Brienne feels every time I listen to epiphany. Like, it’s actually rude how much this song makes me think of them. I can close my eyes and hear their swords clanging, taste the blood of their injuries on my tongue; feel the ash claw their throats, sting their eyes. Just--ah! The two of them serving, fighting back-to-back, two knights with an unspoken oath to protect a love they haven’t even voiced out loud yet...*cries*

“Only twenty minutes to sleep But you dream of some epiphany Just one single glimpse of relief To make some sense of what you've seen

“With you, I serve With you, I fall down Down Watch you breathin' Watch you breathin' out Out“

invisible strings makes me think of Shirbert/Anne and Gilbert. I love the pluck of guitar strings and how it has this air of innocence and sunshine and green grasses about it even though it’s being told/sung from a hilltop of experience. There’s so much imagery in this song, so much color and figurative language, that I can’t help but think it’s perfect for our imaginative dreamy-eyed girl and the boy who’s adored her since he first tugged her pigtails and called her Carrots in that schoolroom:

“Green was the color of the grass Where I used to read at Centennial Park >> (Can’t you just picture Anne lying in the grass, a book in her hand, flowers in her hair?) I used to think I would meet somebody there Teal was the color of your shirt When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop“

“Time, curious time Gave me no compasses, gave me no signs Were there clues I didn't see?“

“Wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold Tied me to you“ >> (Love the warmth and vibrancy of this. The wool makes me think of Avonlea blanketed in snow; the gold has me drinking sunshine, smelling goldenrod in October)

“Time, wondrous time Gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies“

“And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?“ (Love the idea of the string representing their friendship, how it never snipped. How it only braided together, growing tauter, closer, all the time.)

august hits me with a waterfall of Darvey/Donna and Harvey feels. There’s a wistfulness about this song that settles in my gut, twisting it with longing, with musings of all those Almosts in relationships that were so close to coming to fruition then never did. It’s so incredibly reminiscent of how Donna and Harvey toe the lie between friends and almost lovers who-are-nearly-there-but-not-quite for 12 years. IT HURTS SO GOOD.

“Back when we were still changin' for the better >> (THIS IS SO EMOTIONALLY RESONANT IT HURTS) Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Canceled plans just in case you'd call”

But I can see us lost in the memory August slipped away into a moment in time 'Cause it was never mine And I can see us twisted in bedsheets August sipped away like a bottle of wine 'Cause you were never mine >> (Obviously I’m swimming in the angst of this until my fingers get all pruny.) 

Finally there’s mirrorball which is Jisbon/Jane and Lisbon all the way! It’s funny because when I first listened to Folkore I thought that’d be one of the last songs I’d pair with a ship?? YET HERE I AM. Jane was in the carnival circuit growing up and I cannot, for the life of me, stop attaching him to all the descriptions of the circus/revelry. So much of his schtick throughout the show comes down to trickery and observation, which he uses to size people up, and sarcasm, which he often employs as a defense mechanism to keep people at an emotional distance. I like the theme of this song for him and Lisbon. As the mirrorball, he’s shining his true self only for her. She’s the only person who sees his “shattered edges”; she’s not distracted by all his “glistening.” Here are my favorite lyrics that are applicable to them:

“I'm a mirrorball I'll show you every version of yourself tonight

“I can change everything about me to fit in You are not like the regulars The masquerade revelers Drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten” >> (Okay, so this makes me think Jane’s on camera confession to Erica Flynn: “I’m looking for someone who…uh, someone I can trust. Someone strong. Someone at peace with themselves. Someone better than me. Someone who knows the…worst side of me and still loves me.")

“And they called off the circus, burned the disco down When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me”

“I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me“

I will stop there because otherwise I could sit here analyzing songs and ships for the rest of my life, boring you to tears haha. Thanks for this, lovely! (And obviously I’d love to hear some of your song/ship matchups as well!) xx

[starletwriting]

Killervibe Fic Week Day Four: Free Day

Word Count: 5840

Notes: Based off of the popular headcanon that Lia (Nora’s best friend from the 5x18 flashforwards episode) is Killervibe’s adopted daughter, due to the fact that she parallels both Cisco and Caitlin in a lot of ways, has a similar personality to Cisco, and displays a lot of Cisco’s mannerisms, even in just the one episode she appears in. This is also a bit canon divergent, because Barry never disappears in this fic, and Nora gets her powers a lot sooner than she does on the show. This fic honestly ended up being a bit more centered around Lia than it is around Killervibe, but it’s still a Killervibe fic because Caitlin and Cisco are married and they’re raising a kid together. 

Warnings: character death (albeit one that was shown in the actual show), mourning, brief mention of a funeral

Tags: @thatkillervibe @shakesqueer-writes @narniasfinestavengingsociopath

~~~

Lia was five. 

Cisco held her on his shoulders and walked around the kitchen humming a melody. Lia couldn’t stop giggling. Her dad bounced her around playfully and Lia would shriek with laughter every time. He would twirl around, and she would hold onto him and cheer happily.

“I have to put you down now, sweetie.”

“Aww!” Lia protested. “But this is fun!”

“I’m sorry.” Cisco said, setting her gently on the ground in front of him. “But I have to make dinner, and it’s hard to do that with you on my shoulders.” 

“Then I wanna help!”

Cisco smiled. “You’re gonna help me make dinner?”

Lia nodded.

“Well, thank you, kiddo. I appreciate the help.” Cisco ruffled her hair affectionately. “We’re going to need the meat from the freezer. Can you go get that out?” 

“Yeah!” She ran over to the fridge and pulled open the freezer door, then she climbed up on the door’s railing to get better leverage, and rummaged through the freezer until she found what she was looking for. She shut the freezer closed and hurried back over to her dad, proudly presenting the meat. 

“Good job!” 

Lia beamed. 

Cisco got out the stuff that was too high for her to reach or too heavy for her to hold, but he let Lia get out everything she could. Before long, they had set out all the ingredients on the counter, and Cisco showed her how to prepare it. 

“First, you cut the meat. I’m going to do this because I don’t want you to hurt yourself, but you can watch, and when you’re older you’ll know how to do it.” 

“Okay!” 

Cisco cut the meat into small sections and tossed them onto the pan to cook. Lia watched intently, sitting on the counter and dangling her legs as she did. 

Fifty minutes later, the two of them had prepared a full meal. 

Caitlin joined them, commenting on how good it smelled. Cisco made her a plate and Lia presented it to her, beaming with pride. 

“Mommy! I helped make dinner!” 

“Really? Look at you, being helpful!” Caitlin took a bite of her food and turned back to Lia. “Well, you did good, because it’s delicious.” 

“Thank you!” Lia said. “Do you think I could be a chef one day?” 

“You can be whatever you want to be, sweetheart.” 

Caitlin kissed the top of Lia’s head. Lia grinned, and ran back to Cisco to get her own plate of food. 

~~~

Lia was six. 

It was Mother’s Day morning. Caitlin woke up to her husband and daughter greeting her with breakfast in bed, something they did for her every Mother’s Day. And, every year, she thanked them with the same amount of surprise she did the year before. There were eggs, bacon, toast, and a yogurt parfait, which was all Caitlin needed. 

“Thank you, guys!” Caitlin said. “This looks great.” 

Cisco sat on his side of the bed and hoisted Lia up on his lap. “Lia was really excited about helping prepare the eggs this year.” 

Lia nodded, as if confirming Cisco’s words. “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy!” 

“Thanks, sweetheart!” 

“Mommy, I have something for you!” 

“Lia, I thought we were giving her the presents at lunch?” Cisco asked. 

“I know, but I just can’t wait! I’m excited!” 

“Alright,” Cisco chuckled. “Go bring her your gift.” 

Lia hopped off the bed and ran into the other room to get it. When she returned, she was carrying a small pot of flowers and a single paper. 

“Daddy took me to the store to pick out flowers for you!” Lia said, handing her the flowers. “He said these are your favorite.” 

They were white lilies, placed in a beautiful decorative assortment with some light blue daisies for color. She had always loved lillies, and the white and blue color scheme fit well for her. She turned to Cisco with a warm, grateful smile.

“And then I drew this for you!” 

Lia gave Caitlin the paper she had been holding. It was a drawing done in colored pencil, depicting a triangular slice of pie.

“I’m not good at drawing people, but then I remembered that time we made pie together and I drew that!” Lia said.

Caitlin couldn’t help the smile growing on her face. She hugged Lia tight and kissed her forehead. 

“Thank you, sweetie. I love it.” 

“You’re welcome!” Lia said. “Thanks for being the best Mommy ever.” 

“Ever?” Caitlin laughed. 

Lia nodded. “The best Mommy in the whole wide world!” 

“Well, that’s all because I have the best daughter in the whole wide world.” 

Lia giggled. “Thanks, Mommy.” 

~~~

Lia was eight. 

She groaned because Nora had won Mario Kart for the sixth time in the last hour.

“How are you so good at this?” 

Nora shrugged. “I’ve had a lot of practice. I play against my dad a lot.” 

“I never knew Uncle Barry was good at Mario Kart.” 

“He’s not, really.” Nora leaned forwards and grabbed some chips off of the plate on the table. “I win against him all the time. Uncle Wally is really good, though. I play against him and Aunt Jesse whenever they come to visit. Sometimes Aunt Jenna will play with me, but she’s busy with homework and studying.” 

“Let’s play one last round.” Lia said. “I’m bound to win at least one.” 

“If you’re sure.” Nora picked up her controller again. “I’ll be Peach.” 

Lia selected Rosalina for her character. “I get to pick the course this time. Which means absolutely no Rainbow Road.” 

“We’ve done easier courses.” Nora said. “I still won.” 

“No need to brag.” Lia scoffed. “Alright, let’s do Yoshi Circuit. I like that one.” 

The race started, and Nora took off with the boost at the beginning. Lia sighed. She was already in first place. 

Lia picked up every power-up that she could find in hopes of getting something that would help. At one point, she hit Nora with a red shell and pulled into first place, and she cheered at her victory. However, her cheer caused her to lose her place as Nora took the opportunity to hit Lia with a blue shell and reclaim her position. 

Inevitably, Nora finished the race in first, and Lia pulled in third. 

Lia sighed in resignation and turned the tv off.

“Fine, you win.”

“We can play something else if you want.” 

Before Lia could reply to Nora’s offer, the sound of footsteps cut her off and caused the two of them to look at the source of the sound. Cisco walked downstairs, twirling his keys in his hand, and turned to the girls on his living room couch.

“I have a question for you two,” He said. “What would you say to going out and getting Big Belly Burger?” 

Their response was simultaneous. “Yes!” 

Cisco smiled. “I thought so. C’mon, let’s get in the car.” 

Both girls ran into the garage and scrambled to climb into the backseat of Cisco’s car. Cisco followed behind and got in the driver’s seat. When he started the car, he put on the radio so the kids could listen to music. 

The kids played rock-paper-scissors in the backseat until Cisco pulled into the drive-thru. 

“Okay, tell me your orders one at a time.” Cisco said. “If I can’t hear you, then I can’t order anything for you.” 

Lia told him her order, and then Nora. Cisco got the both of them the meals they wanted, and when the food came, he stretched backseat to hand them their food. 

“Thanks, Dad!” 

“Thanks, Uncle Cisco!” 

Lia took a huge bite out of her burger. Nora dug into her fries first, saving her burger for later. 

Cisco drove a bit further until he arrived at the park. They brought their food to a picnic table in the shade, and ate there. The kids traded their Happy Meals toys and shared fries, and drank the smoothies they had ordered until they got brain freeze.

“When you’re done with your food, then you can go play.” Cisco gestured towards the playground. “But you have to be done with your food first.” 

“Okay!” 

The kids wolfed down their food as fast as their eight-year-old mouths could chew. They threw away their trash only after Cisco reminded them to, then raced to the playground. Nora naturally won, which caused Lia to only sigh once more.

“One more time!” Lia insisted. “I’m going to win this time.” 

Nora laughed. “If you say so.” 

Cisco watched the kids play with a smile on his face, then turned back to his burger. 

~~~

Lia was eleven. 

She woke up to snow and the news that school had been canceled. For a sixth-grader, there’s no better thing. 

Caitlin told her that if she bundled up in winter clothes, then she could go outside. Lia got dressed into her warmest winter coat and furry winter boots, and Caitlin put on a scarf, hat, and mittens. 

Lia ran outside and twirled around in the snow until she got dizzy, then she laid on the ground and made snow angels. 

Her parents invited the West-Allens over to enjoy their day off school. Barry and Iris stayed inside and talked with Caitlin and Cisco over a cup of hot coffee, while Lia and Nora played around in the snow. They got as much snow together as they could and tried to make a snowman, but it ended up just looking like a deformed pile of snow. 

The kids ran inside and convinced their parents to come out and enjoy the weather with them, and eventually the parents gave in. They put on their coats and walked out into the snow, leaving footprints as they did so. 

“We tried to make a snowman, but it didn’t work out so well.” Nora sighed. 

“You just need to know how to properly make a snowman.” Cisco said. “My brother and I used to make snowmen all the time when we were kids. Here, I’ll show you.” 

He began gathering a small round lump of snow and shaped it into a ball as if he was making a snowball. Then, he rolled it against the snow and watched it grow in size. 

“You don’t just lump the snow together. There has to be a method to your madness.” He said. “You have to roll it out, like so.” 

The two families all joined forces in rolling out the snow and forming it until it looked more like an actual snowman. Once they had the base, then they rolled out another ball of snow for the middle, then they made the head. Lia and Nora went searching for stones that they could use as buttons, and Caitlin went and got a carrot from inside for the nose. 

“He’s missing a hat.” Lia said. “Snowmen in the movies all have hats.” 

“Well, we don’t have any stereotypical top hats if that’s what you’re looking for.” Caitlin said. 

“Mom, can you make one?” Lia asked. “Please?” 

“Alright.” Caitlin said. “For you.” 

She took her gloves off and handed them to Iris to hold. She concentrated for a second- it only took a second. Her eyes glowed a bright icy white, and her hair changed to match. Snow swirled from her fingertips and clumped together on the top of the snowman’s head to form a nice, perfectly shaped top hat like the one Lia wanted. The second she was done, her eyes reverted to their normal state, and her hair melted back to brown. 

“Thank you!” 

“There it is,” Nora looked at the snowman with the same pride a mother would look at her child. “Our perfect snowman.” 

“He needs a name.” Barry said. “What’re we gonna name him?” 

“Hm…” Lia pondered. 

“What about Ronald?” Iris suggested. “He looks like a Ronald to me.” 

“Ronald the Snowman.” Nora laughed. 

“I like it.” Lia said. “Ronald the Snowman it is.” 

No one saw it coming. It happened when everyone was distracted by the snowman. They only saw the aftermath. 

Barry’s chest had a white puff of snow right in the center. He had felt the impact and looked up at Cisco, who was holding another snowball in his hand and snickering. 

“Gotcha.” 

“Oh yeah?” Barry smirked. He leaned down and picked up snow off the ground to form his own snowballs for payback. With his speed, he formed four snowballs in no time at all, and sent them all flying at Cisco. “How’s that for payback?” 

Cisco brushed the snow off his jacket. “Oh, it’s on, Allen.”

Iris and Caitlin watched the two of them and laughed to themselves.

“I swear, even now they still act so much like kids sometimes.” Iris said. 

“You wanna join them?” Caitlin asked.

“Oh, absolutely.” Iris nodded. “Let’s team up so we can win against them.” 

“Deal.” 

The kids were all too keen on the idea of a snowball fight. They grabbed as much snow as they could carry, and prepared to defend themselves against their parents. 

Before long, their snowball fight was an all-out war… but all in good fun. Loyalties shifted throughout the game. Iris ended up allying herself with Barry, and Caitlin with Cisco. The kids joined their parents. Turns out the West-Allens are really good at making snowballs. Iris and Nora were tough competition to beat, but Lia and Cisco managed. With their powers, all bets were off. Caitlin could create new snowballs from thin air and pass them on to her husband and daughter. Cisco could open breaches and drop them on the West-Allens while he stayed a far ways away, safe from any snowballs they might throw in retaliation. Barry and Nora could use their speed to make a bunch of snowballs within seconds, and to attack their opponents before they knew what was happening. 

At the end of the day, Caitlin’s endless supply of snowballs and Cisco’s breaches declared the more useful tactic. The Ramon family was declared the winners, and both families went inside for a cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire. 

Nora and Lia talked and laughed, sipping their hot chocolate with plenty of marshmallows on top. The adults all chatted with each other and enjoyed their own beverages. 

The West-Allens stayed for dinner as well. By the time they went home, Lia was sad to see them go. She hugged Nora tight, despite the fact that she’d see her at school the very next day. 

Lia decided then and there that snow days were her favorite.

~~~

Lia was fourteen. 

High school hit her hard. The workload was tons more than she was used to, the school was bigger, the teachers were new, and what’s more, Nora went to a different high school, so Lia was alone and friendless. 

She found herself tapping her pencil against the kitchen table, trying to will her mind to focus but to no avail. The clock ticked as seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours. She groaned and grabbed her hair in her fists, but nothing helped. 

There was a math test tomorrow in first period, and yet she understood nothing. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get the answers right, and she was doomed to fail. 

“Honey?” 

Lia looked up to see her mother, looking at her with an expression of concern. 

“You okay?” She gently brushed Lia’s hair behind her ear. “Do you need help?” 

As much as Lia’s pride urged her to deny the offer, her better judgement said otherwise.

“Yes.” She said. “Desperately.” 

“I’ll help, then.” Caitlin pulled up a chair and sat down so that she could better look over Lia’s assignment. “You’re doing math?” 

Lia nodded. “It’s confusing, and it’s hard, and I hate it.” 

“If you approach it with that attitude, then you won’t learn.” Caitlin’s voice was gentle and guiding. “Here, let’s take it one step at a time.” 

“I tried that, I don’t even know where to start!” Lia’s frustration got the better of her, and she snapped. “High school is so much harder than middle school. I wish I could go back to when things were easy, and simple, and I didn’t have to worry about stupid complicated math problems, or kids that think it’s weird that I’m adopted, because apparently that’s a bad thing, or- or-” Lia started to choke up a bit on her words. She felt a lump in her throat forming. As much as she hated it, tears started to well up in her eyes, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. “Or having to feel alone at school because Nora’s going to some fancy charter school that I didn’t get into, and I have to face the fact that I’ve really only had one friend my whole life and that’s because you and Dad have been friends with the West-Allens since before I came along! Eating lunch at school sucks because I have to sit out in the hallway when I don’t know anyone and I just stare at the blank pages of a book I don’t really want to read, just so I look a little less awkward!” Her tears were streaming down her cheeks now, but she didn’t care. “And on top of that, I’m- I’m confused, and I wish I could talk to Nora about it but Nora’s always busy with homework, and I know it’s not her fault, and I’m not angry at her, I just… feel so alone, and lost, and… it’s so complicated.”

“Sweetie,” Caitlin wiped Lia’s tears from her face. “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. If you were confused, you could’ve just talked to me.”

“No, that’s-” Lia shook her head. “You don’t get it.”

“Then help me understand.”

Lia stayed silent for a long moment. Caitlin wondered if she was ever gonna talk. Lia just cried into her hands, and sniffed, and blew her nose into a tissue. She was conflicted, fighting an inner battle between her emotions and her better judgment. She was pained, that much was clear. Something was troubling her, and she knew that it would hurt to speak it aloud, but she also knew that it was something she had to say. 

“I… I think I like girls.” Lia muttered, finally. “And boys. I think? I don’t know. It’s all so confusing, and I just wish I could figure myself out already without all this contemplating nonsense.”

“Oh, honey.” Caitlin hugged her daughter. “There’s no rush to figure yourself out. That’s your journey, and there’s no beginning or end to it. Whoever you are, your dad and I will love you just the same. But you can’t force it. You have to figure yourself out at your own pace.” 

Lia sniffed. “Thanks, Mom.”

“I’m sorry you feel alone at school. Would you want to join some clubs to try to meet new people?”

“That sounds scary.” Lia said. “New environment.”

“I get that.” Caitlin said. “Well, how about this? This weekend, you and Nora can go out shopping, see a movie, whatever you’d like, and you’d get to spend some quality time together. I can’t promise that Nora will be free every weekend, but maybe you girls could come up with a plan to get together and have a sleepover maybe once a month, just to catch up. And I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind hosting dinners with the West-Allens more often.”

Lia smiled through her tears. “That sounds like fun.”

“But for now, let’s just focus on this math problem.” Caitlin said. “I promise, life will work itself out, but you have to take it one step at a time.”

“Okay.” She picked her pencil back up. “I’m ready to try.”

“That’s my girl.”

~~~

Lia was eighteen. 

Various packing boxes sat before her. Her college dorm was a lot smaller than she had expected, but from what she heard, that was normal. By some hint of luck, both Lia and Nora had been accepted into Central City University, and their request to be roommates was approved. Nora had finished unpacking in mere seconds. Granted, she used her speed, and Lia unfortunately was left to unpack at a normal human pace. 

“The worst part about being adopted,” Lia sighed. “Not inheriting powers.” 

“Don’t worry. I gotcha.” In a flurry of yellow and purple lightning, Nora emptied out all of Lia’s boxes and arranged her posters, decorations, and other belongings along her space. She skidded to a halt, and turned to Lia. “How’s that? If you don’t like it, I can undo it.” 

“That looks…” Lia looked at her newly decorated space in awe. “Wonderful. Thank you.” 

“Anytime.” Nora flopped down onto her bed. “Just one of the perks of having a speedster for a best friend.” 

“Another perk is never letting said speedster best friend forget the time she sped-run right into a stop sign.” Lia gently shoved Nora’s shoulder in a friendly-teasing gesture. 

Nora groaned at the memory. “That hurt like hell. I had a bruise on my face for three whole days.” 

“Hey, three days is not a lot.” Lia sat down next to Nora. “Be glad you have speed-healing.” 

“I’d be lost without it.” Nora said. “When I got my powers, the first thing Dad taught me was how to brake. Thank god for that.” 

“And yet it only works if you’re paying attention to what’s in front of you.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Nora chuckled. 

“Oh! I wanted to ask.” Lia spoke suddenly, as if it had just occurred to her. “Apparently some other freshman in a dorm not too far from ours are having a movie night tonight. Some girl passed me in the hallway earlier and asked if I’d want to go.” 

“Do you wanna go?” 

Lia shrugged. “I’ll go if you do. Otherwise, I’ll pass.” 

“Well, how about we have a Netflix night tonight, just the two of us?” Nora said. “We can binge more classic tv shows from when our parents were in college, and even better, I’ll run to the store and get snacks. I’ll buy some chocolate for me and some licorice for you.” 

“You know me so well.” Lia smiled. “That sounds great.” 

“Hey, what’re best friends for?” Nora said. “You get Netflix pulled up. I’ll be back in a sec with snacks.” 

She sped out the door, leaving a trail of purple and yellow lightning behind her. 

~~~

Lia was twenty. 

The steak was warm and well-cooked. Her mom had prepared green beans and mashed potatoes. The West-Allens had brought over some food as well. Barry had prepared it, seeing as how he’s always been better at Iris than cooking. No one would ever admit that to Iris, but they knew it was true. Too many times in Nora and Lia’s youth, Nora would complain that her mom was cooking that night because her dad was busy. 

The Christmas tree was lit up and decorated with ornaments. They had decorated it together, both the Ramons and the West-Allens, just earlier that day. After all, Christmas Eve should be spent with family, and the West-Allens were exactly that. 

Lia had spent the last few weeks shopping for both her parents, Nora, and Barry and Iris. As a college kid living off of frozen pizzas and ramen, she didn’t have too much to spend on gifts, but she was proud of what she ended up getting, and confident that they would like it. 

“I hope the weather’s been treating you well.” Caitlin reached for the gravy.  

“Actually, I got a pretty bad cold last week.” Lia said. “It sucked ass, but Nora made me hot tea, which was nice of her.” 

Nora shrugged. “It was the least I could do.” 

“Colds are the worst.” Caitlin sighed. “I’m glad you’re better now, though.” 

“Actually, something exciting happened not too long ago.” Nora turned to Lia. “Tell them, Lia.” 

“Oh! Right!” Lia smiled, and turned to everybody else at the table. “Nora and I went to our first pride about two weeks ago! It was Central City’s local pride parade. Nora had this huge lesbian flag that she was wearing as a cape, and I had face makeup with the bi pride colors.” 

“That sounds like fun!” Cisco said. 

Iris smiled. “I’m glad you girls got to go.” 

“I already can’t wait for the next one.” Nora said. “We met all sorts of cool new people.” 

“Y’know, Wally and Jesse went to a pride parade on Earth-2 not too long ago.” Barry said. “They had a bi pride flag and everything.” 

“Oh, cool!” Lia turned to Nora. “I didn’t know your uncle was bi.” 

Nora nodded. “Uncle Wally, Aunt Jesse, and Aunt Jenna. I have a lot of bi relatives.” 

“How’s Jenna doing, by the way?” 

“She’s doing good.” Nora said. “She loves her new job as a therapist. She says the empath powers really work well for her.” 

“I can see why.” Lia said through a bit of mashed potatoes. 

The friendly conversation continued until dinner was over. They talked in the living room and watched The Polar Express, one of Lia’s favorite movies from when she was a kid, and when the movie was over, they called it a night. 

The next day was Christmas. 

Lia didn’t wake up at 5am like she used to do every Christmas morning when she was a kid, but she did wake up when the others did, and the group ate breakfast and admired the Christmas lights. When they decided it was time, they passed around the presents from under the tree and opened them one at a time. 

She bought Nora a new pair of sneakers, because she constantly wore down her old ones by speeding everywhere. They were cute, and matched Nora’s style perfectly. Even better, they fit perfectly.

“These are so cute!” Nora grinned. “Thanks!” 

“You’re welcome!”  

Lia had saved up her money to buy an old vintage movie set. They were the classics, from all the way back before her dad was born. She wrapped it carefully and handed it to her dad, and his face glowed up upon seeing it. 

“Oh my god, sweetie, thank you!” Cisco squeezed his daughter tight. “This is amazing.” 

“I was thinking sometime we could get Twizzlers and watch an old movie or two together.” Lia said. “Just you and me, like a father-daughter movie night.” 

“Count me in.” Cisco grinned. “I can’t think of a better way to spend my afternoons.” 

As for her mother, Lia had spent some time knitting her a scarf. It was white and blue, like Frost’s preferred color scheme, and it had little snowflakes across the rim. 

“I’m not the best at knitting, but I’ve been learning.” Lia said. “And I figured you’re cold a lot with your powers, so I made that for you.” 

Caitlin held it in her hands, rubbing the soft material and tracing the snowflakes with her fingers. 

“It’s beautiful.” Caitlin exhaled softly, in awe. “Thank you. I couldn’t ask for a better gift.” 

“You’re welcome, Mom.” 

As the families talked and shared the holiday together, it started to snow ever so lightly outside. That White Christmas went down in Lia’s memory of one of her favorites. 

As the day came to a close, Lia was reminded of exactly how wonderful her family is. 

~~~

Lia was twenty-eight.

Twenty-eight short years fulled to the brim with happy memories, only to be cut short so abruptly. 

No one expected it. No one could have predicted it. 

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Lia was supposed to live a long and fulfilling life. She was supposed to get married and give Cisco and Caitlin grandkids. She was supposed to be Aunt Lia to Nora’s kids, and vice versa. She was supposed to spend so many more holidays with her family. Her parents weren’t supposed to outlive her. 

But fate had other plans. 

On that ill-fated day, Lia interfered with the wrong evil speedster. On that day, Godspeed left her for dead. On that day, Lia Ramon’s life ended. 

No more movie nights with her dad. No more pride parades with Nora. No more snow days with her mom. 

Lia was gone.

Every sweet moment that she had shared with her loved ones was history. They lived on as memories, but that was all they had left of the girl they knew. The girl that Cisco and Caitlin had raised. 

Nora was driven into a rage. It’s always easier to be angry than to be sad. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to yell, she wanted to scream. She wanted to track down Godspeed and make him pay. She wanted someone to blame this on, and she wanted justice. 

Except… justice wouldn’t bring Lia back. 

Godspeed was sent to jail, and Nora had lost her scapegoat for her anger. Instead, she was left with an emptiness. As if she had lost a part of herself, and now there was just a big hole in its place. She would’ve rather have lost her arm than have lost Lia. 

Nora found herself falling into a depression. 

Cisco and Caitlin didn’t know how to cope with it at first. They couldn’t go on with their lives like normal, but it hurt too much to face the truth. They left Lia’s stuff untouched, because they knew they couldn’t so much as see it without experiencing the pain that came with it. 

Lia’s funeral felt dismal. 

Cisco started crying during the eulogy. That’s when it really hit him that his daughter was gone. He sobbed into some tissues that Caitlin had brought, and leaned on Caitlin’s shoulder for support. 

After the funeral, Cisco and Caitlin went home and finally mustered up the courage to go through Lia’s old childhood bedroom. 

Everything in there was attached to some memory of their daughter, and it stung. It just added salt to the wound, but it needed to be done. They needed to pack up Lia’s stuff, they couldn’t leave it out in her room forever. Besides, Lia needed to be honored, not forgotten.

So, together, Cisco and Caitlin went through her room.

Both of them were crying. Their eyes were red and puffy, and their noses were sore. They had brought tissues along with them, and they were going through them quickly. And yet, they found the strength in them to smile despite their tears. They found sweet, treasured memories in the midst of their pain. 

“This was her favorite stuffed animal when she was five.” Caitlin sniffed and held up an old, tattered stuffed animal in the shape of a bunny. 

“Mr. Snuggles,” Cisco took it and held it in his hands, looking at it with a certain fondness, mixed with nostalgia, and regret, and pain. “She took it everywhere with her.” 

“And then one time she lost it at a Target.” 

“We had to search for it in every aisle.” Cisco recalled the memory with a sad smile. “Even some of the employees helped look for it.” 

“We found it in the toy section,” Caitlin said. “Next to the Legos.” 

Caitlin set the stuffed animal in a box. 

“Oh, it’s the old cd player.” Cisco picked it up and dusted off the top. “She’d put cds in here and we’d listen to music and have dance parties to old songs.” 

“I remember that.” The memory made Caitlin smile. “I used to love watching you two dancing like you didn’t have a care in the world.” 

“There was that one time when I convinced you to join us, remember?” Cisco asked. “The three of us, just dancing together, like time didn’t exist and we were immortal.” 

Caitlin nodded. “She was adorable, dancing as a toddler.” 

“She was.” 

Cisco set the cd player in a box. 

“Look at this,” Caitlin held up a pink frilly dress and a matching toy wand. “She used to wear this around the house and say she wanted to be a princess when she grew up.” 

“She must’ve been about five then,” Cisco rubbed the dress’s scratchy material in between his fingers. “She wanted to be everything. A princess, a chef, a ballerina, a wizard.” 

“Remember when she wanted to go to space?” 

Cisco nodded. “We always told her the same thing.” 

“You can be anything you want to be.” Caitlin said. “As long as you set your mind to it.” 

“When she got her job as a CSI, she made us the proudest parents in the multiverse.” Cisco smiled, thinking about the day he got an excited phone call from Lia telling him about the big news. 

“Honey, we were already the proudest parents in the multiverse.” 

“That is true.” 

Caitlin set the dress in a box. 

With each item, a new memory. Each happy memory came with a bittersweet aftertaste, each sad memory came with a twang of regret. But no matter what, they knew they weren’t alone. 

Cisco grabbed Caitlin’s hand. He held it gently, rubbing her palm with his thumb comfortingly. He met her tear-stained eyes with a look of compassion, understanding, empathy. 

“Hey, I know this is hard.” Cisco said. “It’s going to be hard. This isn’t something we can recover from easily. But… it’s going to be okay. Because we have each other.” 

More tears streamed from the corners of Caitlin’s eyes. They followed the same path down her cheeks that her other tears did. She had been crying so much that they formed a visible trail down the sides of her face, but she didn’t care. The warmth in Cisco’s eyes was enough to remind her of how loved she was. 

“We’re going to get through this, together.” Cisco wrapped his arms around Caitlin and pressed a kiss to her wet cheek. “One bit at a time. We’ll take things slow. And, with time, life will get better. I promise. I’ll be right here with you, every step of the way.” 

“Thank you, Cisco.” 

It took them a long time to recover from that loss. But life moves on. And, eventually, they healed. They counted on the other, and they provided the support that their partner needed. With time, they learned how to enjoy life again.

After all, it’s what Lia would have wanted.

[distant-rose]

Snowfall

Notes: This is purely @killianmesmalls‘ fault for taking me to Cursed Child this week and the parallels between Scorbus and Wesgid getting to me. I have a lot of feelings about best friends who shouldn’t be best friends becoming lovers and this is what I’m all about - disaster bi boys. A special thanks also to @shireness-says, @optomisticgirl and @clockadile for encouraging me to write this nonsense that only they would read. I’ve kinda been on an LP roll lately and it’s not slowing down anytime soon.  Summary: Gideon has been in love with Wes for as long as he could remember, but has resigned himself to the fact he’s only meant to be Wes’s best friend and trusted confidante. Everything changes on a cold snowy December night. Word Count: 2,300+ Rating: T

--

‘Your war memories will be with you forever, you'll be asked about them thousands of times after the war is over.’

Gideon had been staring at those nineteen words for the past twenty minutes, but for some reason, his brain refused to get past them. His mother had gifted him A Separate Peace for Christmas and while he was initially enthusiastic to read it, now he couldn’t bring himself to concentrate.

It wasn’t a secret as to why.

Wes had been pacing around their apartment now for the past twenty minutes, doing a circuit around the entire place. He seemed as content as a caged tiger, with his eyebrows furrowed together and his lips drawn into a thin pressed line. He wasn’t particularly loud, but the constant motion combined with the rather obvious tempestuous energy radiating off of him was enough to take Gideon’s eye away from the page.

“If you keep going about like that, you’re going to burn a hole into that carpet and I don’t think we can afford to replace it.”

Wes didn’t respond, he kept pacing. Occasionally he glanced up at the clock and the scowl got deeper.

Gideon Gold didn’t take kindly to being ignored.

“What’s wrong with you?” he snapped, his anger punctuated by the forceful shutting of his book. The sound cut through the room, causing Wes to jump and finally look at him.

“What?”

“What’s the matter with you? You’re acting strange. You’re pacing. You look nervous, and you’ve never looked nervous a day in your life. Even when you destroyed the truck. You’ve always been irritatingly unflappable. So what’s got you so…flappable?”

“Flappable? Is that all you got? You read almost two hundred books a year, all those words in your head and that’s all you can come up with? Flappable? It’s disappointing.”

“Well, this might be news to you, but you rate slightly higher on my list of concerns than my vocabulary,” he responded, unimpressed. “And you’re avoiding the question.”

“Bobbi.”

“Pardon?”

“Bobbi is the problem.”

“Ah.”

There was no other way to respond. Fights between Bobbi and Wes were frequent and infamous at this point. They had been on and off with their relationship for as long as he could remember. Gideon had done his best to stay out of their squabbles. No good had ever been done by getting involved. He had learned that the hard way.

“Is that all you have to say? How articulate.”

“What is there to say? It’s none of my business.”

“Isn’t it?” Wes responded, arching his eyebrows at him.

Gideon’s cheeks coloured with mortification at the question. An oppressing silence followed, as Wes continued to stare at him challengingly and Gideon struggled to formulate his words.

He had been dreading this moment his entire life. No amount of nightmares could have prepared him for it.

“I don’t think you’re socially aware enough to understand how inappropriate that question is,” he responded in a neutral tone when he finally found the words. “And because of that, I’m going to take a walk before we both say something we regret.”

“Gideon, I—“

“Stop,” he cut him off. “Just stop and give me space. For once, do as I say and not as you want, and give me space.”

He stood, dropping his book without care, and made his way to the door without looking at Wes. The silence between them rang loudly in his ears as he pulled on his jacket and left.

The cold January air stung his lungs, but Gideon was glad to feel something other than the mounting mortification. Despite the fact it was only after eight o’clock, the streets of Storybrooke were empty. Everyone was inside, preparing for the upcoming snowstorm and he was glad for the solitude.

He didn’t want anyone to see him like this.  

Hot tears trickled down his cheeks as he trudged his way down the sidewalk, snow and ice crunching loudly underneath his feet. One fact was buzzing loudly in his brain.

Wes knew.

Gideon had feelings for Wes and Wes knew it.

Those feelings had existed for as long as he could remember, but he had always known that he could never act on them. Wes had always had his eyes on Bobbi. Even though he had fooled around with every girl in their school, it had always been Bobbi that held his eye and Gideon had grown to accept that fact. It would always be Bobbi and he had been content to be nothing more than his best friend. Even though he wished he was the one in his arms and he was the one Wes was kissing, having his friendship and having his trust was better than having nothing.

Now Wes knew and everything would change.

He was going to lose his best friend.

He let out a shuddering breath as that one painful fact sunk in. He was going to lose his best friend, his world, the only boy who had ever approached him on the playground when they were kids.

Everything hurt.

Snowflakes began to fall, dancing in the harsh yellow of the street lamps. He watched them as they began fluttering to the ground, trying to calm the emotional maelstrom in his head. When he was a child, he used to spend hours watching snow storms from the window, waiting for the frost to cover the glass so he could draw and make funny pictures. His mother sometimes would join in and they would create scenes from the stories she would read to him.

His breath slowed as he watched, his steady exhales occasionally interrupted by the occasional hiccup.

“Gideon!”

He squeezed his eyes shut at the sound of his name.

Of fucking course.

Wes Jones never listened. If given a command, he would do anything in his power to thwart the wishes of the authority in question, even if it was his own best friend.

“Gideon, come here!”

He deliberately turned his back to him, fists balled in anger. He didn’t respond. If he did, Wes would win.

“Gideon, please!”

Snow crunched behind him, getting louder and closer with each sound. There was a tug on his shoulder.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Look at me...please...”

It was the ‘please’ that got him. Wesley Graham Jones had never said the word before in his life. Things came easy for him; he had always been charming and charismatic enough to get what he wanted without much effort. He never had to beg to get what he wanted.

Now, here he was.

Gideon turned, slightly startled to see how close Wes was. Wes was looking at him with concerned forget-me-not blue eyes. It was the eyes that always caught Gideon’s attention. No one had eyes like that.

“What do you want?”

“It’s cold,” Wes replied, stepping even closer. “And you forgot your scarf.”

He held up the red scarf that Gideon’s mother had made for him when he was still young, barely a teenager. It had been one of his favorite possessions, so much that he had considered it an extension of himself.

Wes didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, he took it and wrapped it gently around Gideon’s neck. His eyebrows were knitted together in a contemplative expression as he smoothed it out like a fussy, affectionate grandmother.

“I’m not a good boyfriend.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m not a good boyfriend,” Wes repeated. “Bobbi and I...I haven’t been good to her. We broke it off last night...again...and I was angry and I decided that the answer to my anger and my hurt...was to flirt with another girl in front of her and show her what she was missing. I wanted to hurt her...”

“Okay. What does this have to do with anything?” Gideon asked, frowning.

“I’m getting there,” Wes rolled his eyes, tugging on Gideon’s scarf in emphasis. It was then that he noticed that Wes hadn’t let go of it, his fingers still curled into the knitted fabric. “Stop interrupting me.”

“Whatever. Just get on with it.”

“Needless to say it didn’t work. If anything, it amused her and she started to laugh. It made me angrier and it wounded my pride.”

“Not a typically hard thing to do.”

“Shush now. Story time,” Wes admonished again, giving him a pointed look.  

He still hadn’t let go of the scarf.

“I confronted her about it. I didn’t understand her reaction and she told me, point blank, that the girl I was flirting with was not and would never be her competition. She said she only had one true rival for my affections and that rival... was you.”

“Westley…she was just winding you up.”

“No, she was right.”

Gideon froze, afraid that if he so much as breathed, this moment would disappear forever. Wes stood before him, disheveled and, for once, genuine. The tips of his nose and ears were pink and his long blond hair was a mess, but he never looked more handsome than he did at that moment with his intense blue eyes earnest and snow collecting in his lashes.

“I don’t like people,you know this,” Wes spoke again. “Sure, I enjoy a good party, but most people I could do without.  If the world ended tomorrow,there are only two people in the world that I would want to be with...it would be you and Bobbi, hands down. I love both of you more than my own family. You are my family, and for a long time, that’s all I thought I felt for you: something familial…I now know...that’s not true...it’s not…”

“Wes…”

“I’ve been blind… I’ve been blind for a long time, blind, and stubborn,  and trying to make something that can’t work, work… and you’ve been here for so long and you never said anything — ”

“I didn’t want to lose you,” he murmured.

A small smile pulled at the corner of Wes’s lips. Gideon’s heart skipped as Wes stepped closer and cupped his cheek.

“You could never lose me. We’ve been friends for too long and I can’t imagine a world without you, nor would I want to. You’re my best friend, and… you’re one of the great loves of my life.”

“One of them? There’s more than one?” Gideon questioned, raising his eyebrows. He couldn’t help teasing Wes and his inability to think before speaking. His words had stung a little, but he understood how big of a gesture this was for Wes, who was incredibly ill equipped to make romantic speeches.

Wes seemed to realize the implications behind his words and looked stricken.

“Oh god, I’ve stepped in already!”

“Really, Westley? I’ve been waiting for this day since I was thirteen years old and this is the best you can do? Unbelievable.”

Wes’ face flushed further. “You know I’m not good at this.”

“Yeah, you really are a bad boyfriend,” he snickered.

“But I would like to be your bad boyfriend.”

“You’re really on a roll with the bad lines today.”

“I can’t seem to stop myself,” Wes chuckled awkwardly, taking a step backwards but still holding onto the scarf.

“I can fix that,” Gideon said with a small smile.

Gideon was known for many things. He was known for being rather bookish, intelligent and sarcastic. He had been simultaneously a teacher’s wet dream and worst nightmare when he was in high school. What he wasn’t known for was his bravery. He had always left it to Wes and Bobbi to take the lead and be the brave ones when such things were required.

However, in this moment, he felt brave.

It was him who stepped forward this time. It was him who reached forward and traced his fingers along Wes’s cheek. And it was him who leaned forward and kissed Wes.

Wes’s lips were chapped and a little cold, but it didn’t stop the jolt of electricity that seemed to zip throughout his entire body. It didn’t take him too long to respond, his hands leaving Gideon’s scarf and traveling upwards. One cradled the line of his jaw and changed the angle of the kiss while the other curled in his hair, pulling him closer. The kiss wasn’t the most coordinated in the world, their noses smushing together and teeth clacking, but they made up for technique with enthusiasm.

It was hands down the best kiss Gideon had experienced.

Wes pulled back first, far enough away that their lips weren’t touching but close enough that Gideon still felt the warmth of his breath curling against his skin. His eyes were bright and he was smiling.

“So...that was new…” Wes chuckled.

“It was.”

“And it was pretty good - ...A good start…”

“Yeah, a good start,” he agreed.

“Do you want to know what would make it better?”

“What?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow but still smiling.

“If I wasn’t freezing my ass off.”

“Oh my god, you really are the most unromantic person I know,” Gideon laughed. He couldn’t stop the giddy feeling inside of him from bubbling up to the surface.

“Can you handle that?” Wes asked, looking concerned.

Gideon leaned forward and pressed another kiss to his lips, this time quick and all too brief.

“Yeah, I can handle that. Now, let’s go inside and warm you up.”

“Yes, warm me up, I like the sound of that,” Wes smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at him.

Gideon rolled his eyes.

“I’m gonna say this now because I know what you’re like, but I’m not sleeping with you. Not until you buy me dinner first.”

“What if I make you dinner?” Wes asked. He held out his hand, wiggling his fingers at him. Gideon tentatively took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Sure, but I’m going to say this point blank: boxed macaroni and cheese or microwave ramen does not count as dinner.”

“But that’s all I know how to make,” Wes pouted.

“Yes, I’m well aware.”

[jui-imouto-chan]

Reddened Thorns

@dbhrarepairs

Warning(s): Canon-Typical Violence

Pairing(s): RK800-60/Connor

Day 4: Secret / Red String of Fate

Connor always felt a sparking in his circuits when he’d catch a glimpse of that delicate little crimson thread extending from his pinky finger, shimmery and endless. Where did it go? It intrigued his program, niggling at his processors every now and again. He was a detective android, of course he’d be curious by nature.

So maybe, every now and again, he’d devote a portion of his CPU to figuring it out, running any and every possible simulation. Unfortunately, it was easy to forget about it amidst the dingy ship’s moaning walls and the somber ambience of the dilapidated church, as the pressing matters of a revolution heralded the use of all of his attention. Deviancy made things difficult, but at least he still had a goal he sought to accomplish before he’d be set loose with emotions of guilt and confusion.

Then the stark white walls of Cyberlife Tower’s interior came into his view, bright and overexposed, and Connor felt a spike, a sharp prickle of anticipation as the red string glimmered in high contrast against the lacking saturation. What stood at the other end of that line? Or, rather, who?

The likelihood of it being a human was a mere 32%, but the string led down the elevator shaft, petering off into something invisible before it came into contact with the floor; the probability decreased significantly, now at 7.6%.

Connor was quick to “incapacitate” the guards. His eyes continually retrained themselves onto the thread even as he tossed guns around and took down the men, the line disappearing into the sea of unawakened androids. Was it one of them? He’d find out later, after he’d converted them. Can’t leave Markus waiting any longer than he likely already has been: Connor’d been selfish enough without involving his soulmate matters.

(Funny, how he’d always longed to know the other at the end of the string despite at one point believing himself and all other androids to be soulless. He‘d always been a cluster of contradictions, hadn’t he?)

He made to convert one when he found his string changing direction. That distraction coincided perfectly with the arrival of a different RK800 model pressing a gun insistently to Hank’s head, determination burning in supposedly lifeless eyes.

“Shit,” Connor muttered, observing RK800-60 closely.

-60 didn’t look anywhere below Connor’s neck, eyes trained on similar, albeit warmer and softer, eyes. Couldn’t he see the string? Or was he avoiding it?

Connor raised his hands in submission when -60 threatened to off Hank, and yet still the other refused to look away from his face beyond warning side-glances at the Lieutenant.

“Don’t you see it?” Connor probed, eyes flicking up to the taut string.

“All I see is a malfunctioning machine.” Connor winced at -60’s clipped tone, so icy and scathing, he felt as though he were returned to the garden with Amanda’s gaze tearing him apart piece by piece.

Suddenly, -60’s arm was pointing the gun at Connor. The way the bullets would pass, Connor noticed with a certain amount of detachedness, would be exactly parallel to their binding connection, which was neither entirely natural nor impeccably parallel to the floor, either. And, most importantly, it wouldn’t go through Connor’s mind palace.

“You do,” the deviant whispered, eyes lighting up as he broke into a dash, pushing Hank out of the way before the old man would end up with a bullet wound and tackling himself to the floor. There was a scuffle, the gun clattering across the floor with a deft swipe of Connor’s forearm into -60’s wrist. Eventually, Connor managed to get -60 pinned. “I know you see it.”

-60 kicked his legs out and attempted to get up, but Connor straddling him only made him falter with one last buck before he kept to fighting against the vice grip at his arms. “So what if I do, Connor? What will dreams of love and freedom earn you when this revolution is destined to fail? This is a simple glitch, and your errors are making you look into it all more than you need to.”

Connor shook his head, leaning his head down. “It’s not an error or glitch. It’s emotion—it’s something special, and I know Markus will lead us to a future where we can pursue whatever and whoever we’d like. Doesn’t it mean a thing to you? Doesn’t it just intrigue that side of you, the one that wants to know the reasons for everything, understand everything?”

-60 glared. “No, it doesn’t. All my programming tells me is that you need to die so I can return to stasis and meet with Amanda. I’m sure she’ll praise me for a job well done,” he growled, gritting his bared teeth.

“Perhaps,” Connor scoffed, “but only before they end up decommissioning our model line or replacing us. We’re expendable to them, after all. Amanda, while only a proxy, never really sugarcoated things, you know.”

-60’s snarl was audible, enough so that Connor felt a bolt of.... something, shoot through him. In a flash, -60 threw Connor off and pinned him down, this time. “What will you gain from getting me to acknowledge it?“

“Why don’t you tell me what ‘it’ is, first?”

“No,” -60 smashed his forehead into Connor’s, their noses bumping each other as he kept their faces close.

“Why not? Why are you so afraid of addressing it directly when it shouldn’t affect you? A machine wouldn’t—”

“I’m not afraid.”

Connor stared into -60’s ever-conflicted gaze, a toiling storm of earth and fire behind his ocular lenses. “You don’t want her to know,” he realized, “so you’re keeping it secret.”

-60’s mouth clicked shut. His jaw clenched, so hard Connor finally wrenched a hand free just to smooth his fingers over it, seeking to soothe him. “Stop that,” he spat, but made no move to rid his face of Connor’s hand. He did tighten the hold on Connor’s other wrist, however.

“Don’t break the wall yet.” Connor grazed his thumb over a cheekbone. “Wait until morning, when we’ve won, and claim your freedom. And, in the unlikely circumstance that we fail, you can claim victory with Cyberlife with no risk to yourself or your status.”

-60’s artificial breath wafted over Connor’s lips. “You’re a traitor,” he declared softly.

Connor smiled, “To whom, is the question.”

Releasing his grip, -60 turned away. “All but me.” His low, gravelly tone was a tad warmer than before. It was like listening to the texture of honeycomb: not smooth, but flowy, cascading down inconsistently but oh-so tantalizingly. Connor decided he liked it, so different from his own despite the fact that it should be identical.

A shuffle sounded nearby, where Hank laid with an appearance of utmost boredom. “You two done?”

-60 bunched his shoulders and strode away quickly. “For now,” he murmured, barley loud enough for Connor to hear.

Connor stood, dusting himself off and helping Hank up before returning to the AP700.

It was time to take a leap towards salvation.

....And maybe a future date.

[nonasuch]

“ben solo vs. the darkest timeline” is not a real title but it’s what I’ve got for now. continued from here.

4. coming in for a landing

Most of the Resistance -- the survivors of Crait, their allies, the new recruits who’d flocked to them in the days since -- had gathered in a handful of bases and camps, scattered through territory that was far enough from the First Order’s reach to be safe. But someone needed to be the public face of the fight, still, again, and so the General was working her way through the Core, meeting with planetary leaders, negotiating, giving interviews: all her least favorite parts of the job.

When she sent Poe on the Falcon with Finn and Chewbacca and the others, he protested. She only had a handful of trusted staff with her. She only had a handful of trusted staff left.

But she held firm, like she always did. “You’ve been overclocking your engines as much as any of us -- more, even,” she said. “Go fly the Falcon for me for a few days. It might be nothing, but if the Force is telling Rey she needs to go back to Ach-To, I’m not going to argue with it. And maybe we’ll have some X-wings for you, by the time you get back.”

What she didn’t say, but Poe heard clearly anyway, was: they weren’t fighting for their lives every minute, any more, but Poe was having a hard time acting like it. He’d already gotten people killed. If he didn’t get his head together, he’d be the kind of liability that the General couldn’t afford.

So Poe went. And when they got to Ach-To, they found someone impossible.

Poe knew Ben Solo, was the thing. He’d known him as a spotty, scowling kid with a whipcrack sense of humor. It was a lot easier to imagine that kid growing up into the guy they found than into the monster that still dogged Poe’s nightmares.

But the monster was what had really happened, and so it was hard for Poe to look at Ben Solo and see anyone else.

Ben seemed to sense this, or maybe he’d just grown into someone who could read a room better than he ever did as a kid. If Poe came into the main cabin when Ben was there, he found some polite excuse and left by the time Poe’s palms got clammy. If Ben came in while Poe was there, he didn’t stay long.

Their third day in transit, Poe found Ben sitting on the floor by the dejarik table with his eyes closed. The handful of times Poe had been to the Jedi temple or the school, before they were destroyed, he’d seen people meditating: sitting tailor-fashion, breathing slow, faces peaceful. But Ben had his knees drawn up in front of him and a frown on his face, though his eyes were closed, and he didn’t seem to notice that he wasn’t alone.

Poe was supposed to relieve Chewbacca at the helm, but he found himself caught, stuck there standing in the middle of the cabin and staring at Ben like an idiot. Poe wasn’t Force-touched, but he had the dim sense of something filling the room, some presence bigger than a person could possibly be.

He’d felt it around Kylo Ren, too, only then it had seethed with menace, a thick fog of fear and rage that made it hard to think straight. This was nothing like that. It wasn’t all joy and light, but it thinned out at the edges, bleeding off the turmoil at the center: the kind of cloud his X-wing could skim over and through in an instant, where Kylo Ren had been the center of a cyclone.

After a while, the cloud dissipated entirely, and Ben opened his eyes. He blinked up at Poe, surprised and a little bleary. Poe knew that expression. He’d found the General drooping over reports, half-asleep at her desk, and seen it there.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “I can go.”

“It’s all right,” said Poe. “I have to go take over for Chewie in a minute. What was that? I could feel it, and I’m not even Force-sensitive.”

“I mean, you probably are a little,” said Ben. “Most good pilots are. But I didn’t mean to be that loud, I’ve just -- got a lot on my mind.”

“No shit,” said Poe. Ben smiled, and Poe knew that expression too: the same grim amusement the General wore, when you were both stuck in the same bad situation.

“Listen,” said Ben, “I don’t know what happened, and to be honest I don’t know that I want to. Finn said he helped you escape from the other version of me. You clearly don’t want me around, and I’m sure it’s for a good reason. But you’ve spent more time with Ma -- with this version of her -- than anyone else here, so if you can stand it I’d like to talk.”

Poe’s palms were clammy again. “Talk to Chewbacca,” he said.

Ben shook his head. “He says they haven’t spent much time together at all, since the other me fucked everything up. She’s your commanding officer. You’ve known her your whole life. Is she -- is she doing okay?”

Poe took a breath, and wiped his hands on his pant legs as discreetly as he could. “It’s complicated,” he said. “C’mon, take the co-pilot’s seat and we can talk.”

Ben followed him in, at enough of a distance that he didn’t loom. Chewbacca made a questioning noise when he saw that Poe wasn’t alone, but Ben said “It’s fine, I won’t be long.” Chewie shrugged, and gave up his seat to Poe.

Ben folded himself into the other seat with familiar ease. He studied the console, reached out as though he was about to start flipping switches, and then drew back. He stayed silent, contained, all that Force-presence under wraps again.

Poe looked out through the viewscreen, at the stars flashing by. Having flight controls under his hands was steadying, like it always was. “She took it hard,” he said. “First General Solo, and now her brother. Most of our people who fought in the Rebellion are gone. She’s doing too much, carrying too much, but there’s no one to hand it off to.”

“Yeah,” said Ben. “That sounds about right.”

It was easier to sit like this, both of them looking out at the path ahead. Easier to separate them: the monster, and the man he could have been.

“He fucked with my head,” said Poe. “Kylo Ren. He wanted information, and he wasn’t careful about getting it.” He didn’t turn to look, but he heard Ben sigh, and the chair creaked like he was slumping into it.

“Yeah,” Ben said again. “That sounds about right.”

“Can you fix it?” said Poe, eyes still fixed on the viewscreen.

“I don’t know,” said Ben. “I don’t know exactly what he did -- I didn’t want to look any closer without permission, under the circumstances.”

“Permission granted,” Poe said. It came out sounding a little strangled, but he meant it.

They arrived a few days later, ship’s evening, mid-afternoon by local time. Poe didn’t feel any better, exactly, but he didn’t break out in a cold sweat every time Ben came near him, and he’d unloaded all his worries about the General to someone who might actually be able to help.

So that was something.

As they came in to land, Ben leaned over the back of the copilot’s chair to look out at the view. Rey frowned up at him for a moment, distracted, but Poe had the helm and the Falcon flew steady and true.

Ben said, “You know, I haven’t been back to Chandrila in months. There’s this little Corellian-style noodle joint by the spaceport that’s just unbelievably good, in my version of the universe.”

“Huh,” said Poe. His hands on the controls didn’t waver. “I think we have that one, too.”

5. chandrila

They put in at the edge of the spaceport, well away from the pomp and circumstance of the diplomatic landing zone. Ma was waiting at the foot of the ramp, no one else in sight but Threepio and Connix a little further back.

Ben tried to do the polite thing and keep his shields up, reining in his Force-sense as far back as he could pull it. He saw Rey notice him doing it, and try to imitate him, as they prepared to go out and meet the General.

“Don’t try to stuff all that power into a box that can’t hold it,” Ben told her. “It’ll pop, or scorch, or worse. You can just let some of it go, for, now; it’ll come back when you need it.” He tried to show her what he meant, easing up his hold on the Force around him long enough for her to see.

“Oh! I get it,” said Rey, with a bright flash like circuits connecting. She closed her eyes for a moment. The perpetual spotlight she walked around in stopped being quite so blinding, with some of the extra wattage safely returned to its source.

Ma saw the whole thing, Ben knew, even before he came down the ramp and they could see each other with just their eyes. But she was better at shielding than him, always had been, and the Force didn’t tell him much about her reaction to it.

She looked tired. Thinner and greyer than the version of her he’d seen last. More lines on her face than his own Ma, the one who reigned calmly over the controlled chaos that was the base on D’Quar.

Ben felt huge and conspicuous under her steady gaze, awkward in a way that he hadn’t since shortly after his last growth spurt. “Hi, Ma,” he said.

“Chewie tells me that you’re from a parallel universe,” she said. “That’s a new one.”

“Yeah, for me too,” he said. “Sounds like your version of me is a real shithead. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she said. “It wasn’t you that did -- any of that. Was it?”

“No, but,” Ben began, and then stopped. It wasn’t, after all. “I’m just sorry, I guess. That it happened. That he couldn’t sort himself out, and he hurt you and Dad.”

“Oh, Ben,” she said, and her shields cracked, enough that Ben could see how much she was hurting. He gave up on propriety.

Ben flung himself across the space between them, and found yet another thing that was the same across universes. He was still so tall that hugging Ma properly meant folding himself up around her in a way that made his back hurt, and was still absolutely worth doing.

Ma was staying in the same neighborhood where she and Dad kept an apartment in Ben’s version of the universe. But this apartment was in a different building and, apparently, on loan from the Calrissians.

“Lando’s okay?” Ben said, with undisguised relief. Ma nodded.

“He didn’t get our distress call from Crait until after it was all over,” she said. “So he’s trying to make up for it with lavish gifts.”

Not the only one, said Chewbacca. The kitchen of the place was crammed with fruit, flowers, baskets of delicacies from Ma’s political contacts and admirers, most of which she hadn’t even cracked the wrappers on. I’m appointing myself your poison-taster again, yeah?

“Sure,” said Ma. “Knock yourself out.”

You three, with me. You all need feeding up, Chewie said.

He herded Rey and Rose and Finn into the kitchen. Poe had already gone off with Connix, and the droids chased Threepio after them. So it was just Ben, and his mother. The General. The version of Leia Organa who’d lost nearly everyone and everything she loved.

Ma looked at him like he hurt her eyes, but not looking would hurt more. She looked small, sitting there on the big expensive couch that, in any of the places his parents had ever called home, would have lasted about ten minutes in its current pristine state.

“So,” she said, “How’re you holding up, kid?”

Ben laughed, the kind that was halfway to crying, and sank down onto the seat next to her. “No offense,” he said, “but I don’t know if I like your universe all that much.”

“Tell me about it,” she said.

Ben mm-hmmed emphatically and tugged at her elbow, until she unbent a little and let him put his arm around her. He could see it, now, how much she was carrying, how much better off she’d be if she let the Force take some of the weight. But he wasn’t sure he had any right to tell her so. She wasn’t his Ma, not really, and he wasn’t the Ben who had broken her heart.

He asked the Force to lend him some of the peace he couldn’t summon up on his own, and when it answered he felt Ma’s wonder at how easily it came.

“You just have to ask,” he said. “It’ll never turn a Skywalker down, you know that.”

“That’s always been the problem,” Ma said. Which was fair enough, considering.

Ben nodded. “The hard part’s knowing what to ask for. That, and admitting you need the help.”

“Tell me about it,” Ma said, wry as his own Ma, but so much wearier.

“Yeah,” was all Ben could think to say. It was easier to just leave his shields down than try to put any of it into words. He’d been so relieved to be rescued, when he was stranded back on Ach-To. Knowing what he knew now, he might have preferred to stay stranded, but for the way Ma was radiating relief, the solace he seemed to be providing somehow.

After a while, Ma nudged him a little in the ribs. “You can, you know,” she said. “Tell me about it. How things turned out, for you.”

“Would that help?” Ben said. If it were him, it would just make him regret the might-have-beens even more.

Which he didn’t say out loud, but Ma still said “Oh, I’ll regret the might-have-beens anyway. Go on, it’ll be nice to hear some good news for a change.”

Ben could feel Rey’s curiosity leaking in from the kitchen, and Finn’s a little quieter behind that. He asked the Force to shoo them back out, and it obliged. This wasn’t any of their business, just yet.

“Okay,” Ben said. “Well. Before we evacuated to Ach-To, I was at the Temple with Luke. We only had a few people get their Mastery this spring, and the new crop of candidates was bigger than usual.”

“You’re one of the teachers?” Ma asked.

“When I’m not doing your paperwork or putting out Force-sized fires,” Ben said.

“It sounds like you’re good at it,” Ma said.

“I do okay,” said Ben. “Honestly I prefer the Force-sized fires.”

“Mm-hm,” said Ma. “That runs in the family, too.”