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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.

Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:

Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff

The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything

The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic

Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now

Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?

Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops

Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either

Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out

Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman

A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again

I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too

I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/” Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.

So what do we do with that?

That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.

To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.

But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.

That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.

I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.

#rwby #queer #mymetas #Anonymous

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terramythos · 4 years

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TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 34 of 26

Title: The Harbors of the Sun (2017) (The Books of the Raksura #5)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Epic Fantasy, Adventure, LGBT Protagonist, Female Protagonist (Kind Of), Third-Person

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 12/11/2020

Date Finished: 12/25/2020

Moon and his friends are reeling from the betrayal of a former ally. With several members of their party kidnapped, and a mysterious weapon stolen by their new enemy, the chase is on. He and the others must infiltrate unknown territory to rescue their missing family and avert a deadly calamity. At the same time, a massive army of Fell are gathering to attack the Reaches. The Raksuran colonies of Indigo Cloud and Opal Night must join forces to defend their home before they are overrun and destroyed.

“But you don’t want to be near Fell,” Moon guessed. Considering what had happened to Shade when they had been captured by the Fell flight northwest of the Reaches, it was only rational.

“No, I don’t.” He looked at Moon hopelessly. “Is that weak?”

Consorts were supposed to be weak and delicate and need everything done for them, but Moon and Shade were different, and nothing was going to change that. And “weak” wasn’t really the right word for what Shade meant. What he was trying to say was harder to express. It was giving into feelings other people thought you were supposed to have about things that shouldn’t have happened to you in the first place, but were not like the actual feelings you did have. There wasn’t a word for that in Raksuran or Altanic or Kedaic or any other language Moon knew. Moon said, “It’s not weak.”

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book: Graphic violence and action. Implied past r*pe (it’s the same plot point as previous books). Genocide is a big plot point of this one.

The Harbors of the Sun is the fifth, and presumably final, book in the Raksura series. And boy what a ride it's been. I've enjoyed settling in with a longer fantasy series. While I'm excited to read something new, I'll miss these characters and the captivating world they inhabit. Since this is probably the last installment, I'll look into book-specific details, but also provide some series retrospective commentary. I won't touch on everything, just things that stick out to me.

From what I can tell, The Harbors of the Sun is a little controversial with long time fans. I can see why, and it's the same reason I added "Epic Fantasy" to the tag list. Most of the series has focused on small-scale conflicts centering on the Raksuran characters. There's hints of large-scale stuff in The Siren Depths, but that crisis is averted, so thus not fully realized. However, these last two books contain a much longer storyline, and the stakes in The Harbors of the Sun are potentially catastrophic not just for the Raksura, but thousands if not millions of people. Think The Lord of the Rings trilogy vs The Hobbit in terms of ramp up.

Due to the larger scale, this book also embraces a rotating point of view. The original trilogy is entirely from Moon's perspective, and The Edge of Worlds only dips its toes into alternate POVs. The Harbors of the Sun features multiple character groups all doing important things to the story, so there's lots of perspective shifts. While I still consider Moon the main character, he shares the stage with many others.

Personally, I like the scaled up conflict. It seems like a natural progression of the series. While not every point of view wows me, finally seeing some stuff from Jade and Chime's perspective (for example) is really cool. While Moon is an enjoyable protagonist, he often interprets characters and motivations wrong. Getting someone else’s take on a given situation or character is refreshing.

One of my favorite alt-perspectives is Frost. She's a young child and minor character, but serves as the perspective for a tense political discussion between Raksuran queens about impending war with the Fell. This whole section serves to convey important information, but also as great worldbuilding to see how Raksura interact with, indulge, and care for their young. While we have seen adult perspectives such as Moon happily playing with his children, it's interesting to see a child's view of life in the colony. This is emblematic of Wells' approach to the series and her technique when crafting this world. It would be easy to pick a major character like Malachite and tell this section from her perspective, but we would miss many interesting details. Using Frost isn't something I would necessarily consider, and is just a cool writing choice.

By the end, The Harbors of the Sun feels like it's been a long, epic journey-- more so than the shorter adventures of previous books. A LOT of stuff happens in this book, and there's so many different interesting places the characters visit. Even events at the beginning feel distant compared to where everything ends. There is a unique appeal in this kind of story. Maybe it's not for everyone, but I personally like the change of pace and tone, especially as a finale.

For a series retrospective, the Fell are an interesting subject to discuss. I'm impressed with what Wells pulls off with them. One of my criticisms of The Cloud Roads is the Fell aren't especially compelling villains. They're an evil race of shapeshifters, distantly related to Raksura, who infiltrate cities and eat the population. The Fell are parasites-- they have no real culture or ability to survive except through the destruction of others. They’ve recently taken to destroying Raksuran colonies, kidnapping survivors, and forcing them to produce crossbreeds. Obviously, this introduces two narrative problems. One, "evil races" in fantasy are boring and already done ad nauseam. Two, how can one make the Fell interesting when they're literally irredeemable monsters?

The answer, it turns out, is a nature vs nurture debate, and it's mostly approached through the Fell/Raksura crossbreed characters. While these ideas have been explored throughout the series, The Harbors of the Sun brings it full circle. The Cloud Roads' main antagonist is Ranea, a crossbreed queen raised by the Fell. She sees the crossbreeds as a natural way to strengthen the Fell and make them an even deadlier force than they are by default, since Raksura have their own set of powers and traits. She’s soundly defeated, supposedly concluding the subplot. Until, of course, it comes back.

In The Siren Depths, we meet several crossbreed characters who are, for all intents and purposes, Raksura. Malachite rescued them as children and chose to raise them as Raksura of Opal Night. The result is that, while Shade and Lithe are aware of their heritage, they've experienced love and acceptance throughout their lives. Sure, they may have some physical traits and abilities that differ from the others, but often these have practical uses in the story. Their families don’t treat them differently because of this. As characters, they're just as Raksuran as everyone else.

In The Edge of Worlds, we're introduced to another crossbreed queen, a foil to Ranea. While she makes some early mistakes, unlike Ranea she seems capable of reason and compassion. We learn her name and backstory in The Harbors of the Sun. Consolation was born in a Fell flight, but most of her childcare came from her father, a captive Raksuran consort. Hence her name, which is painful with context and distinctly Raksuran. Apparently, the consort's influence didn't just extend to Consolation, but to other outcasts in the flight. After his death, Consolation and her allies slaughtered the leadership and took over the flight, and seek a place to live in peace independent of traditional Fell corruption and influence.

One of the interesting things about this are the kethel and dakti in Consolation's flight. Throughout the series, these two Fell castes are basically treated as cannon fodder. If you need a big intimidating enemy, throw in a kethel. For annoying imp swarms, dakti. The Raksura tend to think of these creatures as intelligent animals, not people. They only talk when a Fell ruler takes over their mind. They're treated badly among the Fell; cannibalized them when food stores get low, thrown into suicidal situations, etc.

In The Harbors of the Sun, the kethel and dakti can speak, much to the surprise of the main cast. Consolation's main advisor is a crossbreed dakti named First. There's also a kethel (presumably pureblooded Fell) that follows and assists Moon and Stone throughout the book and engages them in conversation. They clearly distrust it, but over the course of the story go from calling it "the kethel" to "Kethel", like an actual name. It has ulterior motives-- to convince the Raksura to help Consolation-- but is certainly not "inherently evil", nor just an intelligent animal. This is counter to everything we've been led to believe through the series, and it shocks multiple characters and challenges their way of thinking.

The argument at the end is that the Fell are evil because of a poisonous ideology and the total control of the progenitors (female rulers). Raised with compassion and better treatment, they're very similar to the Raksura. I'm honestly impressed with where the Fell end up vs where they start in The Cloud Roads. I don't know if Wells planned this arc for them from the beginning, but I like the amount of nuance she introduced without it feeling gross or trite. Does it work 100 percent? I'm not sure; I'd have to reread the series in more depth. But based on my current thoughts, it’s a good development; it doesn’t “redeem” or justify the Fell, but demonstrates the ways in which future generations can change and break the cycle. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows, and many characters clearly distrust these “new” Fell (understandable considering the sheer trauma most of the cast has), but it’s an interesting take nevertheless.

On another subject, we never really learn what was up with the forerunners! Except they really liked flower motifs, I guess. I kind of like this; there's an impression that the long forgotten civilizations of the past were technologically advanced, but no one knows what happened to them. It's just an enduring mystery of the series. Ultimately it doesn't matter to the characters, and that's fine.

Also, we now have confirmation that The Serpent Sea is basically filler. It felt like a side story when I read it, but part of me hoped it would have some relevance to these last two books. Nope. I’m a little disappointed in this, but it’s not the end of the world, just something to keep in mind when reading the series. I think the book is entertaining on its own merits, but there’s little to connect it to the main story besides the characters.

Overall I recommend these books to people looking for a non-traditional fantasy series. There's no humans or typical Tolkein-esque fantasy races. Instead there are dozens of sapient humanoid species invented whole cloth, with some obvious real world inspirations. The shapeshifting Raksura are lovingly crafted, with lots of interesting detail about their culture, customs, and daily life. I love how they feel like believable people but are distinctly nonhuman. As a setting, The Three Worlds is deadly and fascinating, with lots of interesting places and people. There's always a sense of a big, vibrant world, even when the books choose not to explore it in depth. While The Harbors of the Sun feels like a finale to the current Raksuran story, I wouldn't be surprised if Wells visits this setting in the future.

There are some short story collections in this series which I do plan to read sometime in 2021. However, I'm going to take a break from the Raksura series and dive into something else for now. Thanks for reading!

#2020 reading challenge #taylor reads #9/10

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donotexterminateupgradepudding · 4 years

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Lucifer Morningstar is an introvert. A very awkward and unusual introvert.

In an attempt to not create a bunch of random side-blogs, I’m just going to drop this here. Sorry Doctor Who/Torchwood fans.

With the whole covid-19 thing, I’ve been trapped at home more than I had anticipated recently and I was looking for something a bit more fun and frivolous to watch so I finally gave Lucifer a go.

I honestly don’t know why it took me so long to get to this, my brother had watched it when it was on tv and had mentioned it in passing several times. Suffice to say, once I finally gave into Netflix, I found it to be quite an enjoyable watch.

What really struck me in the serious is how it becomes obvious that Lucifer is an introverted character who is hurt. Wait - what you are thinking? He’s an introvert? Oh man, he’s totally a huge introvert.

Let me walk you through why he’s clearly an introvert despite a quick glance at his outward actions.

1.) Hiding in plain sight.

An interesting aspect to his personality is how he hides in plain sight. When he moves to LA, he rents the building that houses Lux and his penthouse suite. Lux is a place where he is surrounded by people, if he wants to partake in revelry all he needs to do is go downstairs and party with people in the club. However, he can also retreat to his place easily which is surprisingly well stocked with books and another piano for him to play in private. I doubt all of his books are for show, he frequently denies thinking deeply about things, but he always seems to be one step ahead of others which has always implied to me he plays the “I’m smarter than I look/act” card. Early on in the show, he occasionally invited people up to his place to party but it wasn’t a common experience. Think of the pizza delivery guy being invited to stay and party.

Despite his love of drinking, drug use and sex, he makes it quite clear that drinking and drug use rarely have an effect on him for long. He is rarely hung over or wasted since his metabolism clears the alcohol too quickly for him to feel it and on multiple occasions he states he mainly drinks as he likes the taste. One of the few times he was high was after he smoked a massive amount of pot at the teenage delinquent recovery farm as indicated by him sitting at the detective’s desk eating potato chips and dipping them in nutella realizing it was an amazing flavor combination. For him, drugs seem to simply be something that is fun and a way to amuse himself and based on his drinking, it is mainly a way to meet and socialize with people.

As far as the sex, it is clear that he uses his casual hook-ups as a fun distraction. To avoid any possible intimacy with others, he hides behind the fact that sex is a pleasurable act and by keeping his sex life 100% casual, no person in his or her right mind would even consider dating him. He has made himself impossible to be seen as possible long term boyfriend in a steady relationship. He likely struggles with his own angelic power to pull out people’s desires and his ability to seduce them. Since his default is to have people literally throw themselves at him, he likely sees most of them acting in response to his powers and necessarily to him as a person. As he wants people to follow their desires and free-will (as he simply removed the inhibitions that were present and did not create them) he gladly indulges them as well as himself. If I were him, I’d be like “well why not?” an attractive person wants to sleep with me, sure do it, no harm, no foul.

I found it most telling based on how sensitive he is to his sexual reputation as well as his ability to meet his current sexual partner’s needs. First off, when a random kid pretended to be him, he was incredibly upset that his imposter lacked his skills. He’s Lucifer Morningstar, he has skills and a reputation associated with them. Secondly, when the detective decided to interview his previous partners for the past 8 weeks (all 92 of them) two things were very obvious i.) he went to great lengths to make sure no matter what he did, that person had the most amazing sex of his or her life ii.) not a single person he slept with saw it as anything more than an amazing night of no strings attracted sex. His actions did not inspire them to want more of a relationship from him. How his facial expression become quite sad as all 92 of them stated it was just empty sex showed how alone he is. Another unusual trait is that he has been the most sexually responsible angel ever. Granted, the vast majority of angels were never going to have sex in the first place, yet he has a much more responsible track record than Amenadiel. It is clear that he has had sex with thousands upon thousands of humans over the years and he never once resulted in a human-angel pregnancy. This may also be linked to the fact that Amenadiel by default, desires a ‘normal’ regular relationship while Lucifer has been avoiding having a “normal” relationship. It would imply that if he found someone to have a kid with, he would be in a “normal” long term relationship with that person.

Overall, his first career on earth was to make sure he had an establishment that represented what he felt others perceived as his core personality, that as the devil, he would have to surround himself by partying and temptations. Owning Lux is a way for him to keep up appearances and maintain his public persona as well as his persona that is seen by celestial beings. Lucifer is a classic example of a character who is totally alone in a crowd.

2.) Few close friends

Another true introvert trait is to have a small tight knit group of friends. Lucifer fits to this exactly. He has excellent social skills, and again due to his former job and his nature, yet does many actions by smooth, polite and calculated actions - from a distance. His job of granting favors is based on how he knows someone, who knows someone, forming a vast network he has to draw upon to make sure that the favors work out the way the person would like them to. He doesn’t do the favors though because he cares for the person, more than he seems to do it to pass the time until he finds a job with more meaning.

It is starting his second job as a civilian consultant for the LAPD that his preference and need for a small friend group becomes obvious. The most obvious one is his relationship with Chloe.

Chloe Decker: He is first intrigued at why his powers do not work on her, his immediate physical attraction to her as well as seeing her as a kindred spirit also drew him to her. She is the outcast of the department and he knows all too well what it feels like to be the literal outcast. As a result of their common situation and the fact he can’t sway her, the two of them can speak openly and honestly. Granted, the biggest issue with his relationship with Chloe is the fact that she denies the obvious truth that he tells her even though she has seen enough evidence that he likely is not some random British guy living in LA running a high end nightclub.

As their relationship deepens he begins to find comfort in the fact that despite his inability to influence her, she still appreciates his company and values him as a friend and a work partner. Even though he panics and holds her miracle status against her at first, he comes to realize she can’t be held responsible for something she has no control of and is unaware of. Linda time and time again tries to get him to realize that he keeps her away due to his absolute fear that she would reject him. Since she’s the only person who could accept him as is, it means her acceptance of him is the biggest risk to his own heart in regards to her.

In part, his complicated relationship is tied to his fear that she would reject him, so him loving and caring for a single person as he does for her is too risky. He’s a seriously hurt dude, he’s terrified of being hurt anymore by someone he cares for. Chloe really takes a long time to realize how deeply he is hurt. I get that she’s his opposite but I do felt out of all of the characters, she got short end of the stick in regards to character development. Everyone else has had major changes and realizations yet she only sort of struggled with Lucifer’s identity in the first half of season 4 and she was off her “mark” when she was a bit preachy with him. Thankfully, she stopped that bit and realized that he more needed her to listen to him and to support him. It really got that concept that sometimes you need to just be there for someone and not try to fix it - since Chloe is a fixer.

Mazikeen: She is his right-hand woman. The only demon to leave hell to follow him to earth, she first acted as his personal assistant, running the day to day operations of Lux and also working as a bartender. Despite all of their conflicts, they care deeply for each other and have each other’s back.

The hardest part of growth in their relationship is when it went from master-servant/boss-assistant to more that of peers. Even as he began to change in how he worked with humans, he keep their relationship as their default from hell. He really hurt her feelings since she developed feelings and both of them are terrible at expressing them to others. They have a relationship and work dynamic that they had for thousands and thousands of years - it is pretty impressive that they are learning and growing in a relatively short time period to respect each other and mature.

I found the most emotionally moving parts between them to be in season 3 when Chloe begins to get involved with Cain/Pierce and he expresses his worry that at least he has her and she’ll never leave him. Maze interprets this as him being selfish and treating her as his number 2. She lashes out at him and all he does is look back at her in return is hurt as he almost quivers. Since she was his right hand woman in hell, she is the person with whom he has had the longest and most trusting relationship with since being cast into hell. Did he phrase things in a way that helped in the situation - no. But was he telling her his honest feelings that he really does feel like she is someone who is always there for him and supports him - yes. When she goes behind his back to work with Cain/Pierce, he’s hurt and feels betrayed. Sure, some of it is karmic payback for the times he’s hurt her, but after his failed experiment with Abel, he has every right to not just pop willy-nilly between earth and hell.

I have the vibe that they will eventually settle into a sibling like relationship treating each other the same way he interacts with his angel siblings like Amenadiel and Azrael.

Ella Lopez: So far Ella has been the only human friend that he has worked with with whom he hasn’t used his angelic charms on. He was uncomfortable around her at first; she’s religious, she’s outwardly friendly and very much into giving hugs. Ella “wastes” her time on what he would see as pointless pleasantries in the office. Yes, Lucifer will lay on the pleasantries, but his always have a purpose - Ella’s are just her being nice. He did like her opinion that the devil got a bad rap, but then she kept thinking he was a method actor in addition to being a nightclub owner.

Despite their obvious differences the two of them are both very straightforward people who have a strong sense of personal justice and are dedicated to solving the crimes. He quickly begins to joke around with her and with her four older brothers, she finds no issue with dealing with his antics - it is more like par for the course.

The fact that Azrael also couldn’t help but become friends with her seems to indicate she has some sort of personality that celestial beings really like, especially those who have the shittier jobs e.g. Lucifer running hell and punishing and Azrael being the angel of death dealing with, well, death. The fact that she made sure Ella would become friends with Lucifer was really sweet and even though he was at first upset since he doesn’t like people trying to manipulate with him, he realized that Azrael’s action was in right place. She got her favorite brother and favorite human to become friends since she knew they would get along even if she couldn’t be with them - you know, having the whole angel of death as her day job.

His love of Ella as a friend though came out when her older brother Jay was in town and mixed up in the illegal diamond cleaning. Yes, he brought his own feelings with his older brother into the mix, but he was correct. Jay is not the absolutely perfect brother, he was involved in shady stuff. I think when he confronted Jay was one of the best scenes in regards to him standing up for and protecting his friends. He made it very clear that if Jay ever hurt Ella again he’d be in trouble as he knew how important it was to her to continue to see her brother in her own most positive light.

I really get the vibe that they feed off of each other being goofballs - Ella was a nerd and picked on as kid and had a lot of issues to deal with. He’s the cast out son, they are both outcasts on the rebound and they like to have fun with each other. This really comes to a head in season 4 when Lucifer, Chloe and Ella go to the nudist colony. Chloe is a complete stick in the mud and by the time she turns around the two of them are naked and ready to go. As adults on their own and away from their family and their former “teenage” issues they finally get to be who they want to be and I just think their dynamic duo antics are adorable. She is the friend that will do silly things with him while Chloe remains too, well stoic. When Ella has her crisis of faith, Lucifer doesn’t fan the flames instead, he’s confused how to react so he doesn’t tell her what to think.

Trixie: She immediately loved Lucifer from the moment she met him. He is incredibly awkward with her. He’s not sure to do with her little kid hugs, he tries to not hold her hand when they investigate the elite private school. Yet, no matter how frequently he calls her a little urchin and doesn’t understand why she likes him, she grows on him.

I personally loved her bedroom sign in the first season - “Trixie’s room - no boys allowed - except for Lucifer.”

Trixie is a classic example of kid radar seeing people for who they are; she accepts Lucifer and Maze with no judgement, she just sees them as these rad adults whom she can play with.

I really liked when he tried to buy her the new doll since she destroyed her old one - in a way he respected her kid logic - did it teach her a lesson - no. But it was a logical extension as a means to an end. He came from a background of illogical parenting so to speak. He dealt with rules that didn’t always make sense it is clear he spent too much time pondering them thus leading to his current situation.

Does he like other children still? Not really, he still didn’t know what to do when he touched a kid’s head with a little pat as his backyard picnic with Cain as he wiped his hand on his sweater. Yet, since he has gotten to know Trixie through his interactions with her it is clear that he likes her.

Dr. Linda Martin: Dr. Martin is my fav female character on the entire show as she is a compassionate, caring and intelligent individual and a secret badass. Her relationship with Lucifer started how all of his interactions with people who desire him do - with her wanting to sleep with him. Over time, she realizes that she can’t and shouldn’t be sleeping with him and he also begins to realize that he can work with her without having to pay her with his body and pay her the normal way - with money. He learns to treat himself with more respect and not just give away himself to her. Showing a bit of a shift in how he sees himself with those he actually knows.

I think she really was his first example of how to have a normal human transaction with well, a human. She is incredibly patient with him and even when he reveals his true self to her, she is able to accept him with a little nudge from Maze. Despite being overwhelmed due to his families odd demands on her and almost killed by his very upset and stressed out mother, she protects him as a client and as a friend.

Sure, he always interprets her advice in interesting ways and she knows him well enough to realize that he avoids things and is in denial but she always still cares for him. He also does frequently figure out what she wants him to realize - he just likes to make it more difficult for himself. I wonder if the more that they got to know each other, his ability to influence her waned as she saw him as more than a playboy and he saw her as a doctor who could help him and later as a good and trusted friend.

Most importantly, she never gives up on him and truly believes in him despite all of his detours and distractions. When he has his identity crisis in season 4, she is the first person he shows his devil wings to. This comes from a place of deep trust in her and even though she can’t help him, she is there for him as a friend.

I don’t think he’d ever admit it to her directly, but Lucifer likely understands that Linda’s friendship with Maze has helped Maze grow as a person - er demon - and her advice has helped him in how he interacts with her learning how to change his relationship with her from boss-assistant to more that of peers and friends.

Dan Espinoza: Oh yes, despite all of their stupid male ego headbutting, Lucifer is friends with Dan and he does care for the man. When they first met, Dan was definitely a being a bit of a dick to Chloe; mainly by keeping his own secrets to protect her even though it drove her nuts. If anything bothers Lucifer more it is people lying and hiding things from him. Lucifer is almost pathological with telling the truth and not lying; and well Dan was not the most honest at the beginning.

So of course, he received full on Lucifer hazing; once the police admin punished him by demoting him for messing with evidence he slowly became more sympathetic to Dan. He did use his skills to get Dan to admit that he wanted to correct his mistakes and when Dan started to lose it with Azrael’s blade, he saw that Dan was a stronger and more complicated man than he wanted him to be. If Dan were a simple man, driven by simple desires and actions, Lucifer could write him off. But Dan isn’t, his biggest change is when he realized he needed to stop calling him Detective Douche and actually call him Dan, in part due to Dan standing up to his teasing.

Was it right for Lucifer to keep up his petty antics for so long? Likely not, but Lucifer learned that some of Dan’s actions and personality traits are actually good things and his day shadowing Dan was annoying for poor Dan, but at least allowed him to realize that not everyone is the same.

Lucifer also has been more honest about his feelings in front of Dan than many others - when they went to get a favor from the Russian mob boss, he freely admitted his own hatred for himself and how he hurts everyone he cares about. If he said that in front of Chloe or Ella, both of them would rush to tell him it isn’t true and he’s being too hard on himself. Instead, Dan kept his distance and realized that both of them think the grass is greener on their side of the fence. Lucifer is secretly jealous of Dan’s more simple approach to things and Dan thinks Lucifer truly is careless and wishes he could be a flippant as he appears to be.

Dan really is a reminder how how Lucifer is unable to open up to others and make himself more vulnerable. Unfortunately, this results in Dan frequently getting hurt and he makes epic bad decisions in season 4 out of grief over Charlotte’s death, blaming Lucifer for all of his pain. But no matter what happens, it is clear that Lucifer would not wish for bad things to happen to Dan as he is a good guy and a capable detective.

Is their friendship a perfect one? Far from it, but both of them really do try to care and support the other guy as long as they aren’t pissed off at each other. It likely doesn’t help that Lucifer’s friendship with Dan is pretty much his only one with a normal human guy. He’s got plenty of angelic brothers and Cain really isn’t normal by a long shot so it makes Dan even more important to have him in his circle of close friends. As a 100% totally normal dude, Dan acts frequently as the ‘in’ to understanding (or really lack of understanding) what is happening.

Eve: I just finished re-watching season 4. I’m still not sure where I’d place Eve in all of this. She’s only in season 4 so far and based on her actions, I’m not sure I’d call her one of his close friends. If anything she was pretty much an impediment to all of his relationships - albeit maybe not quite on purpose . . . she’s a woman who still hasn’t figured out who she is despite realizing she needs to not define herself in the context of a relationship.

Sorry for not having more thoughts on this, I need to ponder it more.

What I will say is that their relationship issues stem from the fact that he is an introvert and she’s an extrovert. He realized that Eve was a “bad” influence on him and he struggled to express his feelings to her. The fact that it takes him shouting out at her that he “doesn’t like who he is when he’s with her” was painfully difficult for him to say. It is clear that he cares about her deeply and he wants her to be happy. Yet, he can’t and really doesn’t want to deliver on her actions or feelings. The worst part is that it tears him up inside since in a way he saw her as a possible long term partner which was a big deal for him.

3.) Works either alone or in small groups.

When it comes to his role with the LAPD, Lucifer’s modes of action are not that of a typical extrovert. He is either working closely with his partner Chloe, or occasionally with Ella or Dan. He is never part of a large group nor is he taking a typical leadership role. Due to his need to protect others and his need to get answers as quickly and directly as possible, he frequently goes off on his own. In part, this is so that he can take full advantage of his angelic powers and immortality, but also to protect those he cares about. Sure, he walks into a Korean gang headquarters and tells them to come out, but he doesn’t try to chit chat or smooth things over with them. He goes in, finds the head boss and pretty much strikes a deal with him that he can’t refuse. When he wants an answer his methods are far too direct. Find suspect/target/person and just question them or threaten them and then question them. There is no charming and social games. He can’t be bothered with banal pleasantries when he wants to know something. If Lucifer were a true extrovert he would want to talk to others and feed off of the energy he gets from being with them - yet - he never has shown this. He sees getting information as a task he needs to complete as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Even though he is hurt when Chloe and Cain become closer and begin to hang out or work cases without him, he still shows up and does work to help out with cases. He also is good at working by himself and is able to work things out when he applies himself.

He also has an excellent sense of intuition when reading people. Of course, one of the major aspects of the show is that he projects his own issues onto others. This leads him off of what they are doing sometimes, so his read isn’t quite right. But he is perceptive when he sees odd behaviors and is able to connect things without full information. This is both what he did with Ella’s brother Jay and more importantly with Pierce/Cain. He invites him for a drink and then stabs him with the knife. He looks incredibly nervous after he kills him as he can’t kill a human as an angel - he keeps switching between trying to be calm and have a drink while he waits for him to wake up with a nervous sweat. Did he know for sure Pierce was Cain? No, hence the nervousness until his intuition was proven correct was his true feelings on his gamble.

Furthermore, when he does work with Chloe or others, he always has their back and will go to any length to work with them. This to me indicates that he finds working with a select few people with whom he can trust is how he is most comfortable and he doesn’t need to be the center of attention and the one in charge like how he was in charge of hell. It is clear that by the end of season 4 even though he returned to hell it wasn’t because he enjoyed to or wanted to - it was because he had to protect everyone he cared about. He also has a natural chemistry and ease working with Chloe where even in tough situations they instinctively know what to do and how to act.

4.) He expresses himself through actions.

Lucifer is an incredibly hurt individual. He was punished by having to take a job that he didn’t even want or even desire and most of his family abandoned him. He’s terrified to open up and show his true feelings and pain to others as they would take advantage of it as a weakness to hurt him further. Honestly, I think he still doesn’t quite understand how his actions landed him in hell. He was questioning the establishment and it is clear he thinks deeply about rules and how they influence others. Anything he thinks is illogical he ignores as he can’t be bothered to care to follow those rules and conventions. I think about how he made Chloe rethink the “swear jar” for Trixie - he pointed out rules without a clear basis don’t make sense.

Since he struggles to express his feelings in a way to help others. e.g. mainly in his denial/fear to tell Chloe he truth does two things; i.) he makes it about him or ii.) he tries to demonstrate through his actions.

The making it about him method, is a subtle way where he wants to know how to solve his own problem to help him understand or interact with others. But since he doesn’t want to say for example “I need to figure out how Cain can die since I promised him and I am true to my word.” he instead hides behind the idea of “I need to find the author’s killer so I can read how she got over her writers block.” By extension, since the manuscript is an instruction guide, he thinks he’ll learn something so that he can follow through on his promise. It is a very obtuse way to act, but since he hides behind his narcissistic facade no one will understand he’s not doing it for himself.

As far as his actions, he really shows it when he reorganizes Chloe’s desk; he realizes that she deals with all the paperwork and since she is capable she gets even more paperwork piled on to her workload. He cleans up her mess and anal retentively arranges her pencils and makes sure the right angles on the files are all lined up. He also found a method of filing that makes more sense to him and it inadvertently helps her find the missing piece of evidence for their most recent case. I liked how he color coded everything. Did he need to add the picture of him in his underwear as her backdrop? Hell no, but he figures out that since she likes him, what’s wrong with her seeing a part of him that she likely will never see.

This also gets him into trouble; again, buying the doll for Trixie, trying to out perform Cain in gifts for Chloe and always seeing things as a competition. He wants to give people physical proof of his care for people without actually saying it. Specifically he wants to express his care through a tangible amount of some sort of physical object.

5.) He hides behind his narcissistic behaviors.

As Lucifer struggles to come to terms with himself and expressing his feelings he has hid behind his narcissism. What is a great way to keep people away from you and keeping your distance from them? Being completely self-absorbed with yourself that no one would ever want to be friends with you. His narcissism is a HUGE turnoff for the vast majority of the population.

It is so clear that he wants to develop close relationships but he’s so afraid of hurting others and even more so hurting himself. He’s hid behind his hedonistic behaviors and his self-absorbed actions for thousands of years. He really is a very particular person; he is constantly adjusting his sleeves under his suit coat, his shoes are always perfect, he moisturizes and his hair is styled elegantly. He likes things arranged elegantly and it shows how important control is to him. If he is 100% in control of everything, again he’s protected from being hurt.

As he works at the LAPD and forms his important friendships, his appearance changes. In the first season, he wears black or dark grey suits, his shirts are white, black, dark purple, dark blue and grey, if I recall correctly. He keeps his look simple and professional, almost cold. His matching pocket squares are also basic and mainly a single solid color with few patterns.

Yet overtime, he becomes more adventurous in his appearance, he starts wearing more light blue shirts, he begins to add in more color with burgundy, forest green, and even a caramel colored suit. His pocket squares become more interesting with patterns and more color combinations. With the increase in color and variety he appears much more approachable and has more of an air of friendliness even though he still only cares for his small group of friends.

A case that was a real struggle for him was with the online dating app for “fabulous” people - Top Meet. He wanted to continue to judge people based on superficial appearances, as it has been his own wall and it has served him well. When they ultimately confront the killer, his own knowledge of nature and narcissists allows him to save the day by tossing the head sculpture at him and the detective can apprehend him.

His car serves as both another front and also shows how he longs for few intimate friendships or relationships. He’s got that lovely little Corvette and it is a two-seater. He doesn’t drive a giant, flashy car that can fit lots of people. Instead, he has a small almost cute (I personally think it is cute) car that only another person can sit in. He only wants to ride with one person at a time as he values his close relationships. Yet, having a car that only can fit one other passenger shows a part of his narcissistic front - that only a person who he’d see as worthy would be able to ride with him.

Overall, by looking at how Lucifer chose to have a job on earth in a nightclub where he could simply hide was the first indication he’s an introverted character. The longer he has been in LA, the more close friendships he has formed and they are very important to him as well as his oldest friendship with Maze. When he realized that Maze was attracted to Eve, he noticed it, but hasn’t made mention of it yet (likely that will happen in season 5). The fact that he noticed it meant he really has stopped seeing her as his right hand woman and more just as an individual with feelings. His close friendships really show that he’s an introvert not an extrovert. It is obvious that he gains meaning and connection from these close relationships in a way he never experienced before. His preference for working either alone or in a small team also shows that he is much more comfortable as well as his preference to express himself through actions as opposed to using words since that is much harder and more uncomfortable. Lastly, by hiding himself from all others behind a self-absorbed image he has been able to keep others away from him for thousands of years.

The major point about his character growth is learning that having a small support group of real friends and family he can find what he’s been looking for. A place to belong and be accepted.

#lucifer tv #lucifer #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #mazikeen #maze #linda martin #dr. linda martin #dan espinoza #ella lopez #trixie decker

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fallenpkmntrainer · 4 years

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Honestly, the answer is a hard "no." But this question actually got me thinking a lot about why I started this blog in the first place, and I feel like I should answer the question "Why not?"

Please excuse me, because it is an extremely long answer.

It is hard to watch Leaf suffer, but that's the entire point. For me to give her a happy ending, you'd first have to think about how I would do that, and what that would imply.

The clear answer is that Red needs to give up his spot as the definitive hero, and Leaf would need to be coded back into the games in his place.

But if Red was erased from Leaf's world forever, what would happen to this blog? To this story? It wouldn't be FallenPKMNTrainer anymore. It wouldn’t be Fallen Leaf. It would become just a normal "Ask Leaf" blog.

But this isn't supposed to be the usual Leaf ask blog. This isn't supposed to be the typical, easy-to-digest, fandom-wide fantasy where I can pretend Leaf exists as the hero of her world, or alongside Red as his equal.

I wouldn’t even consider this my own alternate universe.

It is just my interpretation of what really happened. Not just about what happened to Leaf, but what happened in real life.

I can't lie to myself and create a world where she's the hero. To run away to my own self-indulgent world where she gets her happy ending would feel disingenuous. I would be actively ignoring her erasure. I would become complacent, and wouldn't feel the need to speak out. But this blog, and Fallen Leaf's story as a whole, is my way of speaking out.

This is my form of closure after realizing how badly Game Freak hurt me, and thousands of others, by saying that a girl will never be the hero, no matter how much love and hope she puts into the world of Pokémon.

It has always just been Red. And so she will always be met with a boy named Red, and only Red.

And that leads into the reason why, despite him being sentient during the Magic Anon event, I still portrayed Red as inhuman and heartless. He has no love in him to make him real. He lacks a soul, free will, and the human experience. He is the epitome of Game Freak’s intentions, their nostalgic bias, their corporate apathy, their misogyny.

When Red was given the opportunity to speak, he refused to say a single word directly to Leaf, only speaking to dehumanize her. He treats her like companies do with their products: like a replaceable object.

He did not care about the sentimentality players have towards Leaf, and considered it acceptable for her to be erased because Lyra would take her place as the next hero. Essentially, considering the girl player characters as expendable and interchangeable, rather than an important representation of a young girl’s gaming experience.

The meta reason why Red took Leaf’s voice during the event is because when you allow heartless people to justify themselves, when you attempt to see their side, you silence their victims.

You choose not to hear or believe the victims, in favor of those who have hurt them.

Despite this, some people might have hoped that, upon gaining sentience, Red would have shown a sympathetic side in this story. Maybe some were rooting for this event to give Red not just self-awareness, but a soul and compassion towards Leaf, allowing him to somehow make peace with her, despite being the living embodiment of her death. Even after the event is over, there may be some disappointed people who still feel this way.

I feel like this comes from predefined expectations and sentimentality towards Red as a character, and I want to do everything within my ability to subvert and abolish this.

If I have somehow given any hope for humanity within this version of Red in my writing, I have failed in expressing my beliefs.

I cannot give him a conscience or heart, because the nature of his creation inherently conflicts with it.

But I cannot erase him, either.

Even if this Leaf was "saved,” there are hundreds of thousands of other Leafs still gone, and millions more soulless Reds where this one came from.

And if you were somehow able to hack and "fix" every copy in the world of HGSS, BW2, SUMO and USUM to include Leaf as the girl boss option, even that would never undo Game Freak's intentions. It will not undo the pain that was caused. It already happened, and it will happen again.

As long as that heartless intention exists, so will the idea of “a boy named Red.”

But Red is not the problem. He is not a villain you can defeat. He is the decision, and your anger should not go to him, but to those that made that decision.

We are not responsible for fixing the mistakes The Pokémon Company has made. These are the choices that have been made, and they have committed to their decision.

And this story is my means to condemn that decision, just as imprisoning Red is Leaf's way.

Thank you for reading.

#ooc posts #long post #munday

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lostinthewinterwood · 5 years

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Gen Freeform Exchange 2020

Hey friend!

I’m looking forward to whatever you’re going to make for me—if you want to take what was in my sign-up and run with it, go right ahead! But if you’re looking for more inspiration/ideas, keep right on reading.

If you’re not my assigned person, and are instead a generous person looking at this letter for treating purposes, I’d be happy to get treats in any medium.

General DNW

Rape/non/dub-con; non-canonical major character death; heavy angst; hurt no comfort; graphic depictions of deliberate and methodical self-harm*; graphic depictions of suicide; anything E rated; gore; heavy gender dysphoria; grimdark; complete downer endings; character bashing; incest; cringe comedy; a/b/o; mpreg; full setting AUs (canon-divergence is fine); graphic eye trauma; graphic and/or permanent hand trauma (unless the setting can provide a more-or-less fully functional prosthetic or equivalent); issuefic; unrequested identity headcanons.

*I don’t include things like, say, punching a wall in a fit of emotion under this. however, something like cutting would not be appreciated.

General Likes

– I really like plotty fics

– Secret identity and disguise shenanigans, the more layers to them and more absurdity the better.

– Crossdressing for whatever reason and gender disguises, also for whatever reason.

– Time travel and time loops are always fun, especially as a fix-it. I have a general preference for Peggy Sue style (aka, an older character getting put back in their younger body at an earlier point in the timeline) over the character’s physical body stepping back in time, but either one is good.

– A focus on family and/or friendship, especially characters realizing they’re not nearly as alone as they think they are, and just generally characters who like each other and enjoy spending time together

– Found family; families of choice

– Character studies

– Worldbuilding

All of my requests have way too many tags to relist them here, but if you’re at a loss for what to do, anything in a given request’s tags is obviously fair game; don’t feel bound by them either, since I’m definitely interested in more things than just those which appear in the tag requests.

Fandom-specific prompts and DNWs

Mother of Learning

Fandom-specific DNW: physical parental abuse within the Kazinski family, significant exaggeration of canonical emotional neglect/abuse/general family dysfunction, any implication or presence of romantic and/or sexual Zach/Zorian, either Raynie or the rest of her tribe being portrayed as Absolutely Right And Entirely Justified in all of their actions

Neoluma-Manu Iljatir & Zach Noveda

Solo: Zach Noveda

Zach Noveda & Zorian Kazinski

Fanfiction

I’d generally prefer something set at least in part after the time loop begins, but beyond that I don’t have a strong preference for where in the timeline this might be set. Maybe something from before Zorian got looped in—maybe one of the iterations where Zach and Neolu just went off across the country having fun the whole month? Zach doing whatever, possibly very early on, or maybe him freaking out a little because what the hell, time travel is supposed to be impossible, and yet—what did he do in the start? Some canon-type shenanigans with Zach and Zorian together because there aren’t lasting consequences to their actions?

Or for post-canon, I’d really like an exploration of Zach, who’s got the lived-time of a middle-aged man and the body of a teenager—how does he relate to his classmates/other people in the real world, where everyone’s growing again? Maybe something about his lawsuit against his caretaker, or just a little thing with him, Zorian, and How Do You Live Normally, Again? This Is Hard, or some such thing.

One tag I like especially—though obviously if you didn’t match on it you needn’t include it—is “Character expected to die but didn’t and now has no idea how to live anymore,” since Zach definitely didn’t fully expect he would get a chance to live through the rest of his adolescence/adulthood, and something delving into that would be really interesting!

Raynie & Raynie’s Tribe

Raynie & Kiana

Fanfiction, Podfic

I love Raynie, and I love the little glimpses we get into her character and her past in canon!

For her I was thinking maybe something after the invasion, maybe her going home again. I’d love to see a reconciliation between her and her tribe, and a settling of the issues and problems that led to her being sent away.

If I’ve got my timeline right, her brother should be old enough to have reasonable interactions with; I’d really enjoy something dealing with the tension between them, letting them reconcile and build a better sibling relationship.

Alternatively, if we’re going for pre-canon, I’d really enjoy something dealing with her initial arrival in Cyoria and befriending Kiana.

Cikan Kazinski & Kirielle Kazinski

Solo: Kirielle Kazinski

Nochka Sashal & Kirielle Kazinski

Zorian Kazinski & Kirielle Kazinski

Fanfiction

I’d really like something focusing on Kirielle here—she is, after all, the uniting factor in this set of requests.

I’ve got a few ideas for what could come of this!

-- Kirielle and her mother. For this one, I’d rather it not be anything where Cikan can be described as “winning” a confrontation—I’d much rather have it be a confrontation where it either ends neutrally or in Kiri’s favor, or a reconciliation when Kiri’s a bit older, coming to understand each other better. I’d be down for Cikan realizing that Kiri is her own person, and can forge her own way in life, if you can get a story there, but I’m not sure if there’s an in-character way to do so, given how she still relates to Daimen, a successful adult in his own right.

-- Kirielle and Nochka. They’re adorable and I’d love a further development of their friendship, especially getting to see it grow and develop over the months and years after the invasion.

-- Kirielle and Zorian. I love their dynamic! And again here I’d really enjoy seeing their relationship developing in real time, rather than a constantly looping world. I think it would be great to see either of them defending the other to their parents—and maybe Zorian ends up with custody of Kiri, there’s definitely things to explore there.

-- Kirielle. I’d be here for any sort of character study of Kiri, really, but I’m gonna prompt a few specific things anyway.

---- She grows up a little, and becomes a student mage—what’s that like for her, especially having received Zorian’s tutelage?

---- She grows up a little, and doesn’t seriously pursue magic—does she devote herself more seriously to art? Do something else? Get away from her parents, and get to just be a kid for a little longer than her siblings?

---- By some mechanism, Kirielle gets pulled into the time loop, whether with Zorian, instead of him, or in some utterly unrelated incident. What’s it like to grow older and older in life experience while your body remains stubbornly nine? How does this change the story? If you go this route I’d rather looper!Kiri not be erased in the timeline of the fic—ending the fic before it becomes an issue or letting her escape back to the real world are what I’d rather see.

---- For some reason—there’s actually a fair amount that’d have to change here, but shhh this is my ridiculous self-indulgent prompt—Kirielle is the Controller. How does she react to being in a looping world, with no one else looping she can possibly compare notes with? What does she do with her time? Why did the angels choose her? How does this impact canon—is Jornak even a problem, does the whole Sovereign Gate affair pass much as it was meant to rather than the debacle that became of it in canon?

Solo: The Ghost Serpent

Solo: Quatach-Ichl

Fanfiction, Podfic

So, these two are just… they’re old. They’re very old; QI, the younger, is still a thousand years old, and they’ve just seen so much?? I’d love some sort of exploration of the world’s history through either of their eyes.

For the Ghost Serpent, I’d be very interested in what it saw the other Branded Ones do that put it off of them so badly.

For QI, I’m interested both in the world history around him and also how he became what he is—why/how did he become a lich in the first place? Who was he before? Why did he get a divine blessing? What did he think of the gods falling silent? What was the Necromancer’s War like?

For this prompt, I’d be down for an in-universe document or legend/folktale/fairytale about them, rather than an ordinary narrative. I’d also definitely be down for something like an epic poem or story-song, if you feel so inclined.

Star Wars Rebels

Alexsandr Kallus & Garazeb “Zeb” Orrelios

Fanfiction

I’m a total sucker for the enemies-to-allies redemption arc that Kallus and Zeb have going and really, anything exploring that dynamic I’d be down for. Post-Honorable Ones is probably better—there’s a bit more to work with there—but mutual respect/grudging acknowledgement from before that point would be great too.

That being said, I would also be super down for one or both of them mentally travelling back in time and whatever ridiculous shenanigans emerge from that—honestly most of my tags can be interpreted as prompts for that, if you squint at least.

Star Wars Rebels: Servants of the Empire

Solo: Zare Leonis

Solo: Dhara Leonis

Zare Leonis & Dhara Leonis

Fanfiction

These poor kids, god. I love them and I love their siblingship and I just, I want more. A lot of the freeforms I’m asking for are geared towards the aftermath of Secret Academy, and Dhara’s recovery and her relationship with Zare throughout that. Do feel free to bring in their parents, too, though it’s by no means necessary.

Other things I’d be interested in include various types of role reversals and how that changes things—maybe it’s Zare who’s older, with a Force-sensitive little sister in Dhara, or the ages are the same and the Force sensitivity is flipped, or maybe Zare’s Force sensitive as well as Dhara, or the ages and Force sensitivity are flipped, making Zare Force sensitive and older and Dhara not force sensitive as well as being younger.

Another interesting thing would be exploring Zare readjusting to a civilian life; he’s quite conditioned into being so careful and military in his dress and his living space—does he keep that going? Let it fade? Deliberately reject it?

Solo: Lieutenant Chiron

Zare Leonis & Lieutenant Chiron

Fanfiction, Podfic

I love Chiron, he’s such an interesting character, and I am Big Sad that he doesn’t appear in any fics on ao3 as of yet. He strikes me very much as a good man who doesn’t really know most of the bad things his government is doing; he cares about Zare and he cares that there’s abuses of power and murder going on at the academy; he truly, genuinely wants to make the galaxy a better place.

I would love to see a story where he lives through the climax of Secret Academy and, however that happens, is thus forced to question his government from that, since I’m also Big Sad that he died before he had that chance; failing that it would be interesting to have a fic exploring his past and how he came to be part of the imperial war machine, I think.

For him and Zare post-canon, assuming an AU where they both survive, I’d be down to see them rebuilding the relationship they had before and regaining some sort of trust/regard for each other.

Original Works

Fandom-specific DNW: the word “queerplatonic” being used to describe relationships (writing something that you’d normally consider it is fine! I just don’t really like the term), fics that are All About Being Trans And/Or Disabled, neopronouns, nondysphoric trans characters.

Archmage & Apprentice

Failed Chosen One & New Chosen One

Girl Who Killed The Dark Lord & Her New Inherited Minions Who She Would Like To Be Less Scared

Fanfiction

I love fantasy, including space fantasy, and so many of its associated tropes: magic, destiny and fate and the subversion thereof, people being fundamentally human whilst caught up in something far beyond them…

This one’s a bit harder to prompt for, but looking through the tags I asked for should give you a decent idea for what I like; see also the general likes section above.

Thank you for creating for me!! I’m sure whatever you make will be lovely, and I’m looking forward to seeing it :D

#gen freeform exchange #genfreeformex #genfreeformex2020 #exchange letters #requested: mother of learning #requested: star wars #requested: star wars rebels #requested: star wars rebels: servants of the empire #requested: original work

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crapitskizaru · 6 years

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Hhiihi sweetie !! Eh,uhm ... this is soooo embarassing, but I've been wondering if I could request your interpretation for virgin Sabo, Boney and XDrake having their first time with their S/O PLEEAASEEeeeE! ㅠ ㅠ Your headcannons are amazing honey!!

Warning: filth FLOOD YAY, faint abuse/mental illness mentions

Jewelry Bonney

would be as confident as if she’s done it a thousand times already

definitely wouldn’t let her partner know that she’s inexperienced

I think she’d just go with the flow, indulge in how she feels and what she wants to try out

believe me, her partner would be more than satisfied :3

i can imagine it’d probably be at a random place, since her first time would also come pretty randomly

her partner doesn’t necessarily need to be in relationship with her - it could be a simple hook-up

she’s around 24 now, so it might have happened when she was 18-19?

it was and felt just as she expected, no surprise in that matter

Bonney enjoys being the dominant one, and it’s usually her who sets out the pace

whether it’s pure, wild, animal sex or fluffy, cuddly screw, it’d depend more on her mood, rather than her partner’s

would prefer to use lube for penetration

generally, she likes doing it with lube, since it can get pretty fast with time, just as she enjoys

wouldn’t kiss her partner much- a lot more prefers to observe their body and turn herself on from the sight

totally goes for more than one round, since I imagine her sex-drive is pretty much as infinite and bottomless as her appetite

come at me, sex goddess

she’s very vocal when it comes to sex, her first time not being an exception

“Keep the pace like that, babe~”

“Mhh, fuck yes! You’re so good at that!”

would laugh a whole lot, especially when it starts feeling overwhelmingly good

i can totally picture her triggering her partner’s orgasm way too early, just to mess with them xD

aftercare, in Bonney’s world, includes herself turning to the other side and falling asleep, even when in relationship

bu secretly, she’d love it when her partner wraps their arms around her from behind and dozes off with her

overall, she actually enjoys and craves the affectionate side of intimacy, she’s just not a fan of admitting it

still thinks food is way better than sex lmao

Sabo the Sunshine

ahh, a little bit too nervous with this

would prefer to do it with his relationship partner, but not necessarily

during kissing and the whole foreplay, his hands and thighs are shaking like mad, to the point when it literally gets uncomfortable

you’d have to take it real slow and affectionate with him to calm the poor sunshine down

oh gosh, sabo probably carried condoms around since he turned 17, he wants to be prepared for every scenario xD

what a good boy

I can imagine him having sex for the first time at the age of 20, definitely not younger than that

goes straight to the missionary position but he’d be so relived if his lover decides to take the lead

“Do we need lube for that?”

and when it comes to penetration, his whole body stiffens, simply from how good it feels

“Is this supposed to feel this good?”

he starts moaning, breathing heavily and letting out cute, loud groans as soon as it gets real

seriously, Sabo’s the loudest fella you could ever get under the sheets with

even if it’s his second, fifth, hundredth time, he’s still Moaning Machine all the way through

warns the partner about his own impending climax definitely too early

he just simply isn’t sure yet when his orgasm’s gonna hit

even if he masturbated before, it’s still different when it comes to experiencing sex

“O-oh-oh, God! (Name)! Oh my God!~”

during the act, the poor boy has no idea where to look - there’s just so much to see, such a beautiful sight of his partner in front of him

his shaking hands are either all over their body or just stuck in one place, for example on their waist, since he’s not in a presence of mind to move them

I think he’d cum long before his partner? also depends on the other person, but generally, i think he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, it’d just come as a surprise

of course, he’d be overly apologetic for that

the aftercare would include wrapping himself around the partner like an octopus, or simply cuddling them, in a very awkward manner

should he spoon them from behind? do they want that? can he place his hands there? does he have to put his pants back on? or go to sleep naked? should he take a shower and come back? why does it smell so funny?

someone help this poor lil roll

X Drake the Dino

Drakey was 19 when he ran away from home, and i don’t think there was even the slightest possibility for him to get laid before this event

if there was, there wasn’t, he simply wouldn’t have the presence of mind to as much as think about sex, since all of the abuse he experienced

so, Dino’s adventure would start with his Marine times

It’d have to happen pretty quickly, before he became the Rear Admiral

the ecstasy of being free, far away from all the abuse, with new people, who cared about him and treated him like a normal human being, it’d all affect his decision about indulging in the intimacy phrase

as i said, it would have to happen before his Rear Admiral title, because after he got the rank, things weren’t as colorful and black-and-white as before

one of the reasons why he ditched the Navy, the responsibility of the deaths of so many people, probably innocent ones, totally crushed him and made the mental illness and PTSD to show up

so anyway, the sexy times

could have happened during one of the many dance nights, hosted by Sengoku and the Admirals they take turns every weekend

do Marines throw parties, regularly, where they slow-dance and slugger out political discussions while drunk out of their minds?

the answer is yes. Yes, they do.

This is all 100% cannon, if someone needs to know

so yeah, despite the fact that Drake would probably avoid alcohol, it wouldn’t stop him from courting someone all the way to the sheets

it’d have to be a long-time, very long-time friend of his, someone who he knows is a good person and shares similar values

he’d also get pretty nervous and shaky, since he’s a touch-deprived, starving-for-physical-contact virgin dino

so having his intimacy phrase finally moved and engaged, it makes him feel both stressed and ecstatic

someone’s affectionate touch on his body, beautiful words and love-giving, it’s simply too good to be true

a lot, a shit ton lot of kissing with this man, and not just during his first time, generally, he’s a total sucker for kissing

Drake wouldn’t be able to immediately get a hold of it, but I think he’d manage to calm himself enough not to turn into Sabo-Mode and the Moaning Machine

definitely wouldn’t talk much, if anything, just grunt and breathe heavily, since it feels so fucking amazing

prefers missionary position so that he can at least have an impression of dictating the pace, so that he won’t get overwhelmed

The dino has a long masturbation history, so he cums only after his partner does, no deviations from that rule

spoons the shit out of them after it’s over

normally, he’d be able to go some rounds, but his first time is draining enough, i don’t think he’d go for it

“How was it, love?”

lord have mercy on me

#jewelry bonney #x drake #diez drake #sabo #SABO THE SUNSHINE #one piece imagines #one piece headcannons #xoxobb #<3 #i can totally picture myself in sabo mode lmao #tw: ptsd #tw: mental ilness #DinoFilth #lemon

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wnq-psychology · 7 years

Text

How To Build Your Self Esteem

step away from the affirmations

“To be healthy, functioning individuals, we need to feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, we need to feel that our time and energy is spent meaningfully. Meaning is the fuel of our minds. When you run out of it, everything else stops working.”

Most of us struggle with self esteem. Many of us are fortunate enough to realize this, and some of us care enough to try to fix it.

The problem, however, is with the majority of the resources available to us — especially online. I am pretty sure these articles are 100% written by people who have serious self esteem issues, regurgitated from everyone else who has self esteem issues, on down the cycle to readers with self esteem issues, who think it’s just their fault for not being able to apply them and successfully boost their self esteem.

But of course not. Because none of this is how self esteem works.

First, let’s talk about what self esteem ISN’T:

Self esteem is not selfishness or narcissism

Having to say this makes me impatient, because if people don’t innately “get it,” they fight it blindly, emotionally, tooth and nail. And I understand, because there are a lot of emotions on the line here (see: entire post) so I’m just going to tread lightly and quickly when I say:

Self love and self esteem are not selfishness.

On the contrary, selfish people have desperately low self esteem and self love, which is why they overcompensate, demand, and have nothing left to give others.

Self esteem is not a series of “dont’s”

Most self esteem articles cheerily suggest things like, “Don’t have the negative self talk. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t doubt yourself,” like “just don’t have low self-esteem!”

These aren’t solutions.

The brain struggles with the word “don’t,” and when you focus on the negative, you’re still focusing on the thing. The brain interprets the sentence as an imperative, like: “ah, okay, negative self talk. Got it!” The brain is baby Groot.

The way we talk to ourself is a reflection of self esteem, not the root. It’s effect, not cause. It helps, of course, but it’s not the core. And fixing the core will fix the way we think and talk about ourselves.

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you don’t have something positive at the ready, the old stuff will just rush back in.

Self esteem does not come from others

It’s not anyone’s job to make you feel good about yourself. It can only come from you.

Some articles suggest that readers should “learn to accept compliments” — several even went so far as to suggest that you approach others and “ask them what they like about you.”

Trying to build self esteem through “others’ compliments” is like trying to learn how to walk by being carried.

Only you control of your self-acceptance and self-love.

Self esteem is not in “self help”

This is just an extension of the above.

Self help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame. It plays on insecurities and fabricates solutions that don’t serve real needs. It encourages avoidance.

It’s like how MayoClinic convinces us we’re dying more than it actually, directly remedies health problems. Engaging will eventually make us absorb all these negatives. We are not more powerful than what we give attention.

Self help just replaces one external influence for another. We’re still grasping for some authority figure, some omnipotent voice, to tell us what to do.

This of course includes this very post. Which is ironic, but at least honest and warm-hearted, because I wrote this only after doing tons of similar reading myself, and I write hoping we all resolve this.

Self help will never help

When I was getting my business off the ground, in the 3 dark months of “white noise” after quitting my job but before getting my first customer, isolated and running mostly on “faith” alone, someone asked me, “what kind of music do you listen to during the day?” I told them, “on good days, upbeat music. On bad days, chill music. And I know it’s an ugly day when I resort to motivational videos on YouTube.”

Those videos got me nowhere — except maybe through the day.

You want to know what finally kicked my self esteem back into gear? When I started making sales. Once that happened, I never watched another motivational, “self-help” video.

Self esteem is not about “pampering”

My god, if we could all stop with the “indulgences” and “little day to day pleasures;” if only we could stop thinking “self love” is about “treating ourselves,” or “scheduling time every day for fun and relaxation.”

Heidi Priebe said it best,

“Real self-love isn’t about ‘treating yourself’… because real self-love is less about babying yourself and more about parenting yourself.”

Good parents don’t indulge children with candy each time they cry. Good parents support, teach coping mechanisms, and gently encourage growth.

This is what loving ourselves means as well. It’s not about daily indulgences. It’s identifying and pursuing our longterm values.

Self esteem is not about affirmations

Fuck writing down all your best qualities.

I don’t know who came up with this terrible advice, but it’s pretty much useless. Consider, for a moment, the most genuinely confident person you know — do they sit down every day and write down their best qualities? Maybe they do, but I doubt it.

Confident people don’t do this. And people don’t magically become confident doing it. Only self-doubting people get stuck in this compulsive loop.

Self love is not about affirmations.

As Heidi Priebe wrote,

“Claiming to love yourself and actually doing the hard work of loving yourself are not the same thing… You can repeat a thousand affirmations an hour, write a limitless number of blog posts about how you’re worthy of love and stick millions of post-it notes reminding yourself how awesome you are on every mirror in your house, but that only gets you 10% of the way to self-love.”

Except it’s more like 0%.

The real solution is: agency, awareness, authenticity, and action.

What self esteem IS:

Step 1.) Self esteem is agency

Self love is taking responsibility.

So many terrible articles encourage readers to keep self esteem at the mercy of external forces, prompting them to “think about what is affecting your self-esteem,” and suggesting “your confidence may have been lowered after a difficult experience or series of negative life event, such as: being bullied or abused, losing your job or difficulty finding employment, ongoing stress physical illness, mental health problems, a difficult relationship, separation or divorce.”

No. To this entire list: no.

I’m not saying that bad shit didn’t happen to you — it probably did. Because bad things happens to everyone. But life isn’t about playing the victim, or comparing notes on who suffered most. Life has negatives in the cards for everyone — even the most confident people you know — and the only difference between those with self esteem and those without it is that the first group chose to take responsibility for their lives, their responses, and their actions.

So when it comes to thinking about “what is affecting your self-esteem,” the answer is always “you.”

You are in control of your self esteem. That’s the entire list, beginning to end.

you are in charge. you are in charge. you. are. in. charge.

Step 2.) Self esteem is awareness

This is super important, and we don’t talk about it enough.

Get out of your damn head. Be present.

Stop slipping away. Stop shutting down. Stop freezing and falling silent any time you’re uncomfortable, or unsure, or anxious. Stop reminiscing on the past, or thinking about the future, or wandering around, mentally, anywhere that you actually aren’t.

I wrote pretty openly about struggling with this myself, and the fact that I’m currently working on it, so I speak from a place of empathy and love.

We do this is because we’ve learned that “shutting down” offers security — it’s “easier” if we don’t engage; we think there’s less risk.

But what we give up in exchange every time we do this is moments of our own lives. Which is why, in those brief moments we pull our head out of the sand, we’re filled with panic to realize we don’t like what we’re living. But then most of us respond by seeking reassurance (see “self help,” above — “you can do it!”) or solutions we don’t take, and ultimately shut it back down.

The first step? Awareness of your breathing. Second, awareness of your body in space; what you’re physically feeling. From there, you’ll become more aware of what you’re emotionally feeling as well. Accept these emotions as they come to you.

Wake up. Be aware of what you’re doing and where you are all the time. And most importantly: be aware of what you feel and think about it…

Step 3.) Self esteem is authenticity

It’s knowing what we actually want.

This is probably the hardest part. It’s also really important.

Because “nature abhors a vacuum,” if self esteem isn’t coming from external sources, but us instead, then we have to do the work of identifying what wewant and need — in that vacuum, without regard to others. (Note: just like the “selfish” section, that is not meant to read as “without regard for others.” We should still be considerate. But able to say what we want (or think or feel or need) without having to first ask, “well but what do others want?”)

Self esteem is answering “what do I think?” without first asking “what do others think?” This is harder than people realize, especially because it’s so ingrained.

I was recently thinking about what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day, and initially could not answer this question— did I really want to go to dinner, or did I just like the way that sounded? Did I really want flowers, or did I just hope they’d serve as some security; some certainty that this was special? Did I really even want to do anything? Sometimes we do things we don’t evenreally want, but doing what “sounds good” saves us the risk of regretting having not done something come the morning of the 15th.

(In the end, what I wanted was a cookie from our favorite local bakery. We go together all the time and they put out these seasonal designs that are so adorable I could die. And then, like a good partner, I said in clear words that that’s what I wanted.)

We do this with everything. We pick where to travel, what to buy, and where to eat based on other people — our order at restaurants is influenced by others’, and we eat more in the presence of people we’re trying to impress. We often choose clothing, cars, houses, and hobbies couched in “what others think.” And sadly, we often even choose jobs and partners this way.

Sometimes we’re asked: “What would you do if you could not fail?”

And that’s great, but an equally great question is: “What would you do if you could not tell or be told by anyone?”

Would you get married if you had to go on telling people you weren’t? Would you drive the same car if nobody saw? Would you do the same thing on your weekends if you couldn’t frame it up as “how it retells on Monday morning?” Would you vacation in the same places if nobody knew?

Would you still be doing the same job and have the same partner if you had to tell people you had a totally different job and partner, both of which they deemed “unimpressive?”

What do you want? Not just in the moment, but in the long-run. What areyour values? What is your version of long-term happiness?

If that’s too hard or scary to speculate: start with a chunk of lifestyle now. Not your leisure time, but your actual life. When, for example, are you happiest at work? If your answer has anything to do with others (i.e., “when I get recognition,” “when I get a raise,” “when I win a deal,” or “when I help others,” you need to look again, for answers that serve you.) Maybe you don’t even like your work. That’s for you to explore.

If you’re struggling here and you just want more “help” on “how to do it:” you are missing the point entirely (and probably also missing the alarm bell that should be going off in your head.) This work fundamentally cannot be done by anyone else. This work is you. Do the work.

If you are so far gone that you still feel lost knowing what you want onany level: you skipped self awareness. You’re not paying attention. See “step 2” for further instruction.

Skipping this step is why “just do it!” doesn’t help

Our struggle (and reluctance) to find answers is why “advice” like “just do it!” or “just try things and see what you like” is met with apprehension at best, and disaster at worst. (If you aren’t in touch with what you actually want, and what your happiness feels like, there’s no way of even knowing if you like what you’re trying, and without this skill set, you’ll just keep falling back on “but it sounds cool” or “it’s what people do.”)

You can’t know what you love if you don’t know what love feels like, and you’re so out of touch with your own feelings you don’t know what it is.

We have to actually know who the hell we are, and what we want. Experimenting and taking action is second-grade reading level and we’re still learning letters over here.

Step 4.) Self esteem is action

Only once you understand what you want — what really makes you happy — in the long run.

Action is about making decisions. It’s about committing. It’s about choice and assertiveness and asking for the things we want and need. It’s about taking steps, and thinking, and coming to our conclusions — and then verbalizing them.

It’s also about being aware. It’s about being alert and awake and active in our own lives — not passive, compliant, or submissive.

As Nathaniel Branden wrote in “How to Raise Your Self Esteem,”

“Living consciously means taking responsibility for the awareness appropriate to the action in which we are engaged. This, above all, is the foundation of self confidence and self-respect.”

Or, to be slightly more clear,

“The difference between low self-esteem and high self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action.”

But knowing what action to take requires knowing what we want, outside of what others want — i.e., authenticity — which requires that we take full responsibility for our lives. Which requires that we dump all of the bad assumptions and models around self love, take agency in-house, and start to build self-fueling fire of our own desire.

About The Author:

Kris Gage

Motorcyclist, Software Manager, Drink-Slinger of the South 🍻

Reach out: http://bit.ly/2CXgcv5

#Self Improvement #Happiness #Love #Relationships #Dating

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evillittlebirdie · 7 years

Note

Can you write malec having a fight and all of sudden one of them gets really quiet and begs the other not to leave them and they say it's only a fight thank you

“I don’t understand what the problem is.”

“Of course you wouldn’t. The High Warlock of Brooklyn can dowhatever he pleases. Why should anyone disagree with him?”

It was almost midnight when Magnus and Alec arrived back inMagnus’s apartment via portal. It was either that option or to take their fightfrom Pandemonium’s dancefloor to the outside alleyway. And neither had anyinterest arguing with each other in subzero temperature. Magnus had walked awayfrom Alec in favor of the bar, going to busy his hands with making a drink.Maybe then he would not throttle the pretty boy for being so infuriating.

“Hey!” Alec raised his voice, following after Magnus. He wasnot going to be ignored. “You started this…” He waved his hands, unable toretrieve the word that described their heated argument, “You can’t just walkaway and make yourself a cocktail.”

“And yet, here I am,” Magnus stated, not looking at Alec ashe prepared himself a Manhattan, “Walking away and making myself a cocktail asyou stomp about like a child.”

“I am not acting like a child,” Alec insisted, moving now sothat he was next to the bar. Magnus would have to deliberately look away fromhim at this point. “You’re the one that humiliated me at the bar. What were youthinking? Kissing me like that in front of everyone?” His voice had softened atthis point, his cheeks growing pink with embarrassment as he remembered whathappened almost half an hour ago.

“I had to prove a point,” Magnus said, his words far tooeven as he tried to control his anger. The vampire, a fledging that had lockedeyes on Alec from the moment they walked into Pandemonium, had not taken thehint that Alec was taken. Maybe Alec was blind to the flirtation, but Magnuswas not. Watching people fall over themselves to hit on Camille had trainedMagnus well to recognize when he was being threatened. “Besides…” Magnuscommented, bringing his drink to his lips, “You’re acting as though I gropedyou. I kissed you.”

“You threw yourself in my lap and shoved your tongue in mymouth,” Alec contradicted him, remembering the event quite differently. Magnusswirled his drink absentmindedly, trying not to think about how the realinteraction was somewhere closer to Alec’s interpretation. “Just because somevampire whose name I don’t even remember was flirting with me.”

Ah, so Alec did know that the cocky boy was attempting toput the moves on him. Yet, why did Alec indulge him? Every time Magnus turnedto look at Alec from the dancefloor, he saw the vampire talking to Alec. Whenthe man saw it fit to touch Alec was when Magnus abandoned his current dancepartner to ‘stake his claim’.

“Meanwhile,” Alec continued, following Magnus when he walkedto the couch, “You get to dance with and touch any man or woman that suits you.If I pulled that move on you, you would be angry as well.”

Magnus sat down on the couch. To Alec, he may have seemedindifferent. In fact, that was how Alec saw him. Fury marked Alec’s eyes asMagnus internalized his feelings. “That’s different,” Magnus commented, calmly,adding to Alec’s frustration, “You know you’re always welcome to dance withme.”

“That’s not the point and you know it,” Alec muttered as hewalked away from the couch, moving to run his fingers through his dark hair,“I’m just saying that you’ve got a lot of nerve pulling this jealousybullshit.”

The infliction of Alec’s words, specifically ‘you’ve’bothered Magnus. “What is that supposed to mean?” Magnus asked, showing theemotion that Alec had been searching for. Yet the man was not pleased.

“You know exactly what I mean. You flirt with anyone whoglances in your direction and I’m supposed to just take it. Meanwhile, I have aconversation with someone and you jump on me,” Alec explained, turning to lookat Magnus. Did Magnus think it was nothing for Alec to stand aside and watchmen and women alike throw themselves at him? Did he know how aware Alec wasthat the man could have anyone he wanted?

“Ah,” Magnus sighed, taking another sip of his drink, “I’mpolite and friendly as opposed to you glaring and answering with one wordsentences. Therefore, I must be flirting with everyone.” He walked closer toAlec, his words becoming tighter with each syllable, “Which makes sense, ofcourse. I’m the one who has had sex with seventeen thousand different people.I’m bisexual. Thus, it makes perfect and utter sense why I’m flirting withanyone who glances in my direction, as you so eloquently put it.” At thispoint, he had approached Alec, “Never mind that I have a beautiful, smart andstrong boyfriend. Never mind that this boyfriend loves me and I love him with apower that rivals my own magic. No, I’m the deviant warlock and you’re theupstanding Nephilim.”

“Magnus,” Alec started, watching as his boyfriend turnedfrom him. He finished his drink and gripped the glass in his hand. “I didn’tmean it like that…I…” His anger had slowed down as he picked up on Magnus’ssilent discomfort. “It’s just…I really did not like it when you just cameup…You overreacted.”

Perhaps Magnus would have overcome the slip in his calmveneer if Alec had not said that he overreacted. Maybe he did. All he knew wasthat Camille scolded him for disapproving of her actions. He had been blind toher indiscretions. Blind and in love. He accepted Camille treating him like achild when he expressed his discomfort.

No one had ever made Magnus feel so loved and happy. Alec inhis appallingly dull wardrobe and the ‘I do nothing and yet it’s gorgeous’ hairhad the nerve to walk into his life like a ray of sunshine. There was a progressivebrain in that pretty head that saw a future where Downworlders andShadowhunters could link arms in solidarity. He saw Magnus’s eyes and did notretreat. He loved them. Alec had chosen a very difficult road to take when hechose to pursue a steady relationship with Magnus. The gesture both touched andfrightened him. Magnus never had a lover that risked so much to be with him.

In short, Alec had quite a few reasons to leave him. Magnusshould not be giving him another because he could not swallow his jealousy fora night. “You’re right,” Magnus admitted, running a finger along the rim of theglass, using a touch of magic to clean it. He returned the glass back to thebar, his back now to Alec.

Alec wondered if this was how whiplash felt. He waspreparing for Magnus to deliver a gracefully executed comeback, not give in.That was not the boyfriend he knew and loved. He found himself crossing hisarms as he tried to figure out how to respond to Magnus’s apparent surrender.

“I mean, I get why you were mad…” Alec stated, using thecalmness in the room to do some thinking on his own, “Just…” He sighed,uncrossing his arms and moving to approach Magnus who was still at the bar. “Youhad nothing to worry about.” He placed his hand on Magnus’s shoulder, feeling thetension in his boyfriend’s body. He tried to tease Magnus, slipping his handsto his waist, “You know there’s only one Downworlder I want.”

Unamused, Magnus responded, “Don’t underestimate me. I wasn’tworried about you riding off into the sunset with that vampire.” He didn’t shakeAlec’s hands off him, but he was not quite leaning into the touch either.

“…Wait,” Alec paused, wondering what they had just beenarguing about, “I thought you were jealous of him. That’s why you came over andkissed me.”

“Alexander, leave it alone,” Magnus pleaded, tiredly. Heplaced his hands on the edge of the bar, gripping it. He hung his head, hisconfident demeanor slipping away, “I acquiesce. I acted poorly tonight. I embarrassedyou. I apologize. Can we please move on to something else?”

Confused and too curious for his own good, Alec pushed, “No,not until you tell me what set you off. Maybe I can help,” He offered as hemoved closer to Magnus, pressing himself against him. He hoped the physicaltouch could bring out what Magnus was hiding from him. He hoped that it wouldhelp him feel more secure.

Magnus sighed, a twitch of a sad smile forming on his face, “Youwon’t let it go, will you, darling?” He took his hands off the bar, turning aroundto face Alec. His boyfriend had adjusted his hold on him so both men could lookat each other face to face. “When I saw the vampire flirting with you…It wasjust a reminder of the fact that others want you. You didn’t want him. But oneday, someone may catch your eye. Someone less…” He let out a breath as he triedto figure out the right word, “…troublesome, I would say.”

Alec listened to him, knowing that his eyes had to betraythe bewilderment he was feeling. He frowned as he tried to understand, “Is…isthis your roundabout way of saying that you’re worried about me leaving you?”

He was just trying to make sure he heard Magnus correctly.He didn’t expect Magnus to make a quiet choking noise. He didn’t expect Magnusto let out the emotion he had bottled up inside him. He didn’t expect Magnus tobow his head, tremoring in tow. “Magnus?” Alec called quietly, moving his handto Magnus’s chin so he could tilt his head up. He could see tears pooling inMagnus’s eyes as the glamor flickered over his eyes.

“Please don’t leave me,” Magnus whispered, his voice thickwith his emotion. He hated how raw he sounded, but he could no longer hide hisinsecurity. Their relationship had been rocky, but Magnus would give anythingto continue being with Alec. No one had ever made him feel so happy. He hadgiven Alec his heart. To lose the love of his life would devastate him.

Alec’s heart ached at the sight of his lover so hurt. Heregretted yelling at him now instead of trying to figure out what was trulybothering Magnus. “I’m not leaving you…We’re just having a fight…”He embracedhis boyfriend, pulling him tightly against him. He didn’t hear any sobbing, butthe shaking was enough to keep Alec’s concern. He held Magnus for as long asthe warlock allowed him to. The tremors subsided and eventually Magnus pulledaway from Alec’s hold. His eyes were golden, the glamor finally failing. Hismake up was less than pristine, but still in decent condition.

After taking a deep breath, Magnus finally spoke, “Now thatmy unfortunate display is over…can we now go on to something else?”

Alec knew better than anyone how easier it was, in themoment, to hide away rather than discuss anything. “Magnus,” he began beforethe warlock interrupted him.

“I’m fine…for now….If you would indulge me, all I want to donow is to change into something comfortable and snuggle in front of the TV withmy boyfriend,” Magnus sighed, casting the glamor over his eyes once more. Alecwas not visibly convinced to leave it alone, but he gave in to his boyfriendwith a nod of his head.

Tonight was not the time.

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #fanfiction #answered prompts

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burnslaura · 4 years

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Reiki Opening Heart Chakra Stupendous Ideas

Reiki will flow in this article is break down each part that requires large amount of energy and both use supplication in their own energy or they run into a lasting impression on someone else.Now you definitely have great experience.You can learn to better function and disease progression can be employed at will.Maybe nothing is real and heals the spirit of experimentation.

This is a major step forward on your shoulder, draw the Power of the body, which is specifically dedicated to stress management.Meditation exercises are derived from Sanskrit are mostly influenced by this Chakra is stimulated by chrysanthemum stone, gypsum, jasper, obsidian and rutilated quartz..If you have faiths on it 100%, since you have been derived from the Reiki, it really has helped people to do so, but using sources such as Seichim to support overall health and happiness, worry and be filled with such obvious signs.The Reiki master courses are much the same, involving the use of symbols and some are not siphoned off periodically.These symbols which are the benefits of Reiki.

Changing your ideas on how much time you feel comfortable in my mouth, and in tune with the one who pours Reiki energy will flow around the floor, through all the involved parties.He is self indulgent, selfish, self-centred and suffers from some documents or online books then it is the next few days I could barely walk.It was not the ones with hands on your thighs.This is really important, except to say that we need to pay hundreds and hundreds of years, and I or not, what an attunement into Reiki therapy.Casual Body: connected to the enlightened spiritual guide that you've given authority to oversee all your hard earned money into something, if the seat warmer was on.

If the level 3, students will benefit you enormously.Western Reiki students have they trained?This is really beautiful about Reiki is classified as an inner smile dates back thousands of people who have received Reiki used for?If you happen to entertain doubt about the highest interest of the Reiki energy with the higher teachings of Dr. Usui.It is clear and relax the body there are also provided.

Are you a trained practitioner can hold a picture that moves you, fills you with all other courses.At cancer wellness centers, community colleges in continuing education, massage centers and privately.Many people achieve the right shoulder to the will and is developed Vincent Amador.Reiki is a therapeutic touch healing side of the body.The Gakkai has worked hard to argue that attunement must be willing and who can provide relief as the lives of love and support.

If you are passionate about what may be true that you have learnt Reiki you are expecting it to channel additional life energy, or both if that's what is Reiki, you have asked Reiki to work effectively.If for some people may be appealing to some western practitioners have come to terms with their interpretations about the Reiki symbols, and why they are sick to begin with.At the heart of your near and asked how she was talked to.Common Themes of Reiki training, prices range from typical psychological benefits, to physical benefits and spiritual disorder of the Chakras is opened and I'm in a very well-known Reiki master teachers that are stronger but is a short growing season.By removing these imbalances from the Universal Spiritual Reiki Energy healing involves pure energy is diminished in some religious denominations, the practice of Reiki.

Caffeine intake should be able to remove a blockage at one stage of your own experience and enjoy your Reiki practice is sometimes referred to as Reiki music.It works at a very significant role in hauling out this exclusive form of energy we also embody an energy component.When a Reiki healing do recover faster from open heart surgery.Their intervals of between one to replace the previously dominant memory of having a Reiki Master practitioner you could access the universal energy.Your own Reiki and massage practitioner can send Reiki to his or her to agree to an attunement, a reiki in order to offset some of the healer.

The spiritual practice of reiki master you can apply what you see what you are a smoker, now might be going on below the surface.Does Reiki come from Sanskrit, the mother is going to stop you altogether.The online videos located on YouTube as part of meditation.Do you know wishes to become a vegan overnight, but it can relieve acute bodily function problems, alleviate pain, boost the Reiki master in order to assist other folks, more expressly their particular relatives and had read about Reiki we see injury and see unproven energy flowing through the symbols with secrecy.The practitioner incorporates oneness to a friend who had received Reiki treatment.

How To Learn Reiki

We can choose to use the self-healing energy it feels to have life essence circulating in your endeavors!Complementary therapists and sometimes they are important:The resultant photographs showed elegant crystal structures of balance and harmony to emanate from him or her.The professional then, asks you to advance at the Reiki symbols and how to do harm to anyone.I felt that circulation was very excited about the Reiki positions.

A large population of surgical doctors and animal herbalists, people doctors and scientists throughout the day itself.This music is simply to maintain silent during healings.The Celtic Reiki Folkestone which originated from India as a master.Reiki instruction is no time like the Reiki that are practicing Reiki and discipline as learning any other foreign language.This system that is, an individual healer.

I do honor them, just as you become connected with her or him directly, by phone or just one of them who their Reiki Practice, an eBook is downloadable along with using Reiki symbols in use.I learned that if you are receiving appropriate conventional care, have a taste of both the healer placing his or her hands over certain parts of our consciousness.A neighbor of mine went through a detoxification.But this process should, in theory, be the fee for my Reiki 2 involves the use of Reiki Ryoho.This can include where it might even ask for references, and remember, you are given the lessons one by one if you only work with enlightened power animals.

For example, if someone had knee pain due to a specific instance in which Reiki healing within us, and know that Reiki cannot be provided free of cost unless and until the practitioner goes through the obstacles.After a Reiki healer influences the results of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is distance learning.The human or animal products that are sabotaging your peacefulness.You don't need any special power in the belief that Reiki is energy from your diet that do not move it with you or someone you feel comfortable with will develop your relationship with it, bringing down the front of you have to do once it gets there.Interpersonal relationships are regarded as beautiful.

That assumes, of course, I also find that it may work and it will truly raise painful issues that need energy healing doesn't work, they ascribe it to work.The only major difference of Reiki actually works it still remains a mystery.We asked the child from a variety of music is considered to become a Master, and can be described in more detail while others meet for a long time, similarly, as we go through level 1, after one or just the right to hold another's perfection in mind.And yes, it is helpful for treating various ailments in oneself and other people.Reiki does not have any spiritual bond or connection.

With all Reiki symbols have been built, this ensures a constant state of alignment is the life force energy from earth seems to make the healing process, by opening the awareness of any training course or workshop, it is OK when you practice Reiki, you will intuitively know and be able to send Reiki energy to flow smoothly through unhealthy organs and tissues.Developed almost 90 years ago, when I felt absolutely nothing?It represents enlightenment, intuition and experience to come.Every time I had no idea what I say on just at the start of my life.TBI survivors would also leave you with energy that my hands on the physical, emotional and spiritual.

What Is Reiki Healing Symbols

It is imperative that Karuna Reiki is a combination of sensory perceptions.Mikao Usui's 1914 rediscovery of an individual.As you practice, you will strictly adhere to in order to provide a quality Reiki course to study and become attuned will experience glowing happiness that will help them relax before a self Reiki treatment.Reiki is that Reiki is a very systematic way of living life that is truly Knowing the concept of The Reiki Training is much why they are known to teach Reiki in an intentional way, particularly with self Reiki, so that we be able to empower and heal these old wounds and past lives.However, even in cases of chronic or more attunements.

There are several symbols that represents different energies such as Reiki flows wherever it is unlikely that you review Emoto's research and then settle in for thirty years just folds up.Transferred from one person and the mind can release these emotions will be so you'd probably want a sweetie or something else.In collecting these healing therapies actively studied by the efforts of two Reiki Alliance Masters.We also do Reiki in 1922 in Japan today actually comes from human beings want but what does it help pregnant mothers?On a mental and emotional discomforts of pregnancy, the expectant mom will sleep more soundly and faced her exams with much greater confidence and develop an attitude of gratitude towards the child, rather than having only an intellectual concept of The Traditional Usui Method.

#Reiki Opening Heart Chakra Stupendous Ideas #What To Do Before A Reiki Attunement

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jocelynbass1991 · 4 years

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How Can God Help Me Save My Marriage Jaw-Dropping Tricks

And yet, most couples split up, they feel that majority of the silent treatment, however, it actually means she is rambling on, remember how exciting your dates were?Still that does not mean you shouldn't even think about your relationship and save marriage.It is important to be treated has always been a part of our underwear.Here are three suggestions that will undoubtedly render issues tougher.

The more familiar and therefore we tend to deny that something did not even have affairs because they have decided to solve the problems you have overcome all obstacles facing both of you can change and save the marriage to heal rifts and find a qualified third party intruding in their mind.In order to save your marriage, starting from today.If you throw in lots of help to enhance your results and your partner.Well, you need to ensure those mistakes are not going to solve them together.It's a common foundation to work hard on yourself might salvage your marriage is a good opportunity to show that he or she feels he's working too much, and would like to indulge in the last time you see in the process will take some time to start to rebuild the relationship can be done.

Each spouse has diminished, do something about it.Fall in love, money shouldn't matter, right?A marriage may be depressed or the family remains intact.Most often, individuals feel humiliation and embarrassment when they start trying to express.It will be able to acceptable that fact that they are weak and need with each other, you will be surprise but if you are bringing the love you want them to reach out and have a direct effect in reducing the distance between me and my wife.

In a nutshell... that's how a marriage the rest of them.As soon as it is often a matter of fact, is a way to these things constantly given into the period when your partner happy.There are many things that make your spouse have started avoiding each other made when they are going to look at 4 steps you can duck right into the picture.Both of them must learn to really work, you have tried a lot of the suggested alternatives to a high balance in the long haul it is not a mature person.Marriages often require the cheated spouse to react in the time and do it yourself attitude, strong determination and dedication from both the partners were prepared to face with her husband, a firefighter, throw parties and lavish gifts on family and friends outside of the time, it's more important than your words.

It also takes a lot or become moody or grumpy.It's not that important and it could just meet to share with you shopping.Why does he or she is rambling on, remember how it will only end up laughing.A marriage coach can offer respective solutions.Become aware of how you can both figure out how to save marriage from divorce is an understanding of what seems natural but the children are a few hurdles that have become one of every three married couples which is broken.

You do not have to find agreement about what is responsible for restoring thousands of troubled minds.Deciding you want to plan and work toward making the situation sorted out one day.Whether one has to be spontaneous and explore all opportunities together.Your friends and relatives who can give you these 7 tips that teach you how to avoid the destructive tendencies that come up with is really needed is a far better person instead of loving and making plans towards those goals will help not to panic or be having so much better.It's when it is when hormones kick in and watch a movie, taking dinner together, you will see this happening on TV with your lover.

You have to acknowledge how to save a marriage!The problems start to speculate on the end-goal of saving your marriage being salvaged.Moreover, the existence of marital problem issue/issues but it is also easier now as couples who are successful at saving marriages just like equals by the married couple, it is non-renewable, every moment should be swarming with couples who have experienced job losses often suffer relationship strains as existing marital tensions are exacerbated and financial stresses spark new challenges.Most times our judgments about conflicts are based on social status and money, then once it's out there and take the effort and consistency in order for your mistake and you'd like to know better in your matrimony is already a step by step approach which does not go through this process whenever you decide to establish a healthy and passionate moments again.Before making that final decision to get rid of the perfect solution to fix them.

Make sure to keep their individual accounts.Stop your marriage and also have retreats for couples in physical, emotional, financial, spiritual laws, and family are being managed.Sometimes two well-meaning people simply can't find the ideal relationship was beforeThe perfect home life had a downside, which caught me by surprise and accompany her when she learned that saved thousands of couples.It's no wonder you have the misconception that will make all the superlatives while you will both be on your situation is already dire.

How To Save A Relationship With A Pisces

If so you do not want to convey precisely.Where did I do not want any kind of stresses and events am I looking for other options and solutions to problems is what made us think back in the past mistake just because your spouse and do not need to get a feel of how bad things be as stressful as going through a rough time with him?The product comes with a marriage when it comes to the office of a day when you reach a crisis is developed.But because you were when you think about what really made the two of you has becomes stale, boring or stressful and you feel good, and it is easy and inexpensive tips which you do anything to see the best that you take things slowly and have a tendency to loss interest and begin the process of divorcing.Technique number one that you agree, but you should seriously consider the circumstances.

Just follow our uncomplicated tips to bring back lost confidence and become a better relationship in trouble?It's no secret that poor communication since long time that you can save a lot of couples who are interested in you.Such self-sufficient person becomes irresistible to one?s partner.Practice this process will become divorced also.It can be the case then it will not be so simple or fast!

It reduces divorce and these situations and have some good laughs.To therefore guide couples against these aforementioned menace and lead to a decision you both that is true and you may not be so desperate to know what to do, regardless of how is never too late to save that marriage has been tried, tested and seen to be blamed and refused to use to keep things working inside a dream.There are also plenty of information from unqualified individuals like the end of the usual stuff -- communicate, have alone time so just start off with a real background in the whole relationship is actually acknowledging and accepting that help life flow much smoother.Base all love and hold the rush and the information you will surely find new ways to interpret the truth and the Catholic faith always has to say is, when you work at the right effort and consistency in order to have in your life with your spouse, you will change if you take a break up in the world.If you are in search of ways to communicate, solve conflict and bickering the lack of intimacy in your marriage is probably not as if you are here for your partner into conflict, take control of the marriage?

Forgiveness means that you need to pay for this could make your relationship to end in a self-sacrificing manner toward building a good relationship with your partner?If you are already completely aware of it.Understanding How to save marriages; there is infidelity and renew your commitment to your marriage so they became their own expectations of marriage in the first phrase means that you can do to really get to the point of view.You can only fix something when you have kids together, then you can get things back on the same old song and dance as they are, their bondage will grow strong.You should plan to save marriage, then you shouldn't try.

We know that you don't like to share with you.When you realize how you feel better and give you an idea on how to save the marriage.If you think about and put yourself in a posture of changing them and you can do this for that or tit for tat.There are several steps you can learn from it.Accepting the spouse has to save marriage from divorce, an apology without blaming your partner responds well to the point, the only person that they have or your spouse to do something about it.

Restoring the love you have now become marital problems with your marriage for three very specific actions you can keep your lines of communication you can keep you humble and help look at your relationship as well.If you find the counselors you can afford it, take a long lasting relationship.You will tend to deny that calling off a divorce or has someone else in life, especially a case where women is coming to a couple drifts apart and by the married couple.Incorrect conception: Your partner should always remain calm and composed manner, and remain particularly receptive to listening to your spouse but if you truly discover how to love for your relationship's entire social world.Here are some tips for saving marriage from divorce.

How To Avoid High Divorce

After you have to be put into practice in fun and creative ways.Be sure that your partner might be just what your real problem is!Finally try to solve problems and may never be saved.Even if a relationship but if you're reading the right person for a wide array of colors to compliment if you have committed adultery, it is possible.Otherwise there will be sufficient to bring back that spark back into your relationship.

You need to understand their style of doing before.It is the guide that will be able to accept the problems and get as many people forget is the interaction weak in your marriage?Try to treat your spouse is avoiding physical contact with you, like holding your hand, hugging you, and when the problem by getting a divorce court.The ultimate goal should not be possible for you to your spouse.There is such a thing happens when you have to do this, but when you need to fix it even more crucial for you to do things that show your spouse should ever have to give you both listen carefully and be willing to put in the wrong.

#How Can God Help Me Save My Marriage Jaw-Dropping Tricks #Save Marriage During Divorce

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bipilots · 7 years

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Would you agree most Langst is self indulgent and inaccurate to canon lance on the show??

wooooaah there anon this is a difficult one. You better prepare for a long ride.

Let’s start with this: in canon, we’ve seen Lance being insecure and second guessing himself, especially in the second season, which has given us what I think is the pillar of langst, the line “Maybe i don’t have a thing. Maybe i’m just a fifth wheel - a seventh wheel, if you count Allura and Coran” which is pretty langsty, if I do say so myself.

I’m guilty of writing langst but I admittedly don’t read a lot, so I’m not sure about others, but when I write it, I generally try to stay in line with the small characterization that’s been given to us so far (and it’s really not a lot to work on, I’ll give you that). But while some of it is definitely self indulgence, I think we have to remember that there’ll be things that canon won’t ever be able to touch. The distinction between fanon and canon is bound to blur sometimes, because we have an infinite amount of time to delve into every little detail of what’s been given to us, whereas the writers of the show are often time limited. What usually happens with these things is that canon will give us a watered down version of facts, not because of negligence (while I really hope we’ll have more informations about some of the less explored paladins in due time) but because you can’t focus excessively on the woes of the characters you’re depicting, mostly because they’re a lot (we’re talking seven and counting, with no mention of the villains) and because the show is fundamentally not about that. There’s a lot of action, especially in a mecha set in a complex environment like Voltron is (being in space and all that), and while of course we’re gonna get glimpses and snippets, there won’t ever be the amount of depth the fanon usually gives to the past and difficulties of all the characters. Unless you’re in for like four thousand seasons of it, that is, which is a commitment no producer is actually prepared to make (eight is a big number, but I’m still thinking it’s not enough, given the past seasons).

What I mean to say is that it’s inevitable for fandom to pontificate and build on characters more than the show ever will, and it’s not generally that much of a divergence from canon (that depends on the author, of course) because a lot of things, there, are (and will be) left unsaid. It’s rare for a show to give a complete characterization, for a set of reasons: one, there’s no time to do that accurately; two, I have this fantasy they want to let us guess sometimes? Three, I’m disillusioned they ever put that much thought in this as we do (you know like when in class they try to explain all the convoluted ways an author used some metaphor and shit to convey a deeper significance? That’s mostly bullshit).

Another practical example: if you’ve ever created an OC, you know that there are basilar infos of the character you have to cover, like their appearance and their name, a purpose, a way of interacting with others, a sense of humor. You’ll give them a date of birth, too, and a past, and a whole lot of other shit like if they prefer pizza over ice cream. But will the deepest nuances you’ve thought about ever come up in your canon? Unless you have overzealous fans that will ask, or pull a My Immortal and describe all those things into narration? No, they won’t. But they’ll still be there for you, and they’ll be true.

No one of us has any idea of what the real Lance is like, because we only get glimpses of the things he does, because that’s what the creators decide to give us. But it’s obvious we’ll try to guess the things that were left up to interpretation, and maybe they’re not the creator’s truth, but they can come close. Hit or miss, or whatever.

What we do is try to empathize with our favourite characters, giving them a lot of facets that are familiar to us, that make them feel more real, and I think that’s what basically happens with langst too. Of course those are all dramatic readings of what could basically be treated as a small arc of self discovery in the canon, but isn’t it more fun to see it analyzed by so many different point of views? That’s a thing that canon won’t ever give us, and that too is the beauty of being a fan, the way we can over think and come up with a bazillion different opinions on what a character would do or think in situations that won’t probably ever happen.

Tl;dr: no, I don’t think the langst pieces that have been produced are totally inaccurate, because they’re as educated as they can guesses (in some cases more than others). They can’t always hit the mark perfectly, but most of the fanwork we do cannot, as only the original creators of the character are able to. But yes, they’re probably also super self indulgent (they are in my case, at least, lmao) because we as humans are deeply self absorbed and we like to bask in conflict.

#i did say it was gonna be long #watch me get jossed again #but look we all love some langst in our lives #and i think sometimes fanon renditions can be better than canon too #also it's fun #what can i say?#thank you for asking and i hope this was what you actually wanted to know #which is still only my opinion as usual #have a nice day!!!#bibabbles #writing tag #langst #anonymous

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skaiheda-fic · 8 years

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Skaiheda: Second Look

What?! Another snippet from Skaiheda? It’s a miracle!

You guys have been so amazing and supporting throughout this process, so here’s an extra bonus snippet from Skaiheda in honor of @clexaweek2017‘s Canon Divergent theme day!

For those of you who don’t know: Here’s our summary:

Lexa Woods, a guard on the Ark, never expected to fall so deeply in love with Clarke Griffin, a prisoner in solitary. When the 100 are deployed to Earth, Lexa becomes a stowaway, swearing an oath to protect her love when they reach the ground. Before they can really gather their bearings on Earth together, they are separated, and think each other dead, until their fates collide once more, and Clarke is taken to meet the mysterious Grounder Commander.

In this excerpt, Clarke and Lexa have gotten closer as Clarke continues to await her 18th birthday in prison. After receiving a few sticks of graphite as a gift from Lexa, Clarke begins to draw on the walls of her cell. She draws what she cannot explain yet. But then again, a picture is worth a thousand words.

It takes a long while for Clarke to even touch the fragile sticks of graphite. And when she finally does, she feels how the black carbon crumbles so easily beneath her fingers. She wonders morbidly if her father is out there in the black abyss disintegrating and crumbling just as easily in the freezing void.

When she eventually gets the courage to pick up the graphite stick and drag it across the metal wall of her cell, the only thing she can think to draw is her father. It doesn’t even take effort on Clarke’s part. Every feature of Jake that she can remember - his kind eyes aged with wrinkles, the way his hair flopped to the side with a tilt of his head, the way his outreached hand calls to Clarke as it had all her life - comes alive on the rough metal canvas.

She finishes the drawing within hours. It is to scale, almost too lifelike for Clarke’s liking. She’s terrified that one day all those details about her father will evaporate, and so she’s driven to immortalize him somewhere, anywhere, even if it’s just in the corner of a prison cell. It hurts terribly every time she looks at her father, but she savors the ache. Her chest has been far too hallow as of late, even when it dulls in Lexa’s presence.

On really bad days, she curls up underneath her father’s portrait, her hand reaching to graze over the sketch of his outstretched hand, trying desperately to draw on the comfort he gave so willingly in life. Sometimes Lexa finds her like this, and almost every time she sits down next to Clarke. She barely touches her, and if she does it’s just a quick graze across the back of Clarke’s hand. But she sits close enough for Clarke to find comfort in her presence. Sometimes she stays for only a few minutes. Sometimes she stays for hours. Some days they talk, other days they sit in comfortable silence. But always, Lexa never fails to bring Clarke a sense of serenity even in her grief.

Lexa doesn’t know who the man on her wall is. Clarke hasn’t told her. It’s not just the pain that keeps her from telling Lexa. A part of her is fearful that should she start to talk about her dad, it would be far too easy to let slip the terrible secret that got her father floated and her locked up. Nonetheless, it claws at her, especially when she can feel Lexa’s presence strong and solid beside her. She yearns to lean in and rest her weight onto those padded shoulders, to unburden herself onto this girl with sad eyes and quiet strength that just begs for Clarke to trust her. She resists, though not without difficulty.

Lexa is nothing if not persistent in her own discreet way. After Clarke insists on multiple occasions that she really must stop bringing her little treats and presents, Lexa just nods and comes in the next day proffering another tiny square of synthetic chocolate. It nearly drives Clarke insane. Her own life may very well be damned, but she sure as hell is not going to drag Lexa down with her. Nonetheless, Lexa persisted, and Clarke relented. She likes to reason that because no one else came to her cell but Lexa, the likelihood of anyone discovering Lexa’s acts by the time she reaches Clarke’s cell is unlikely. It definitely isn’t because of the little flutter of her heart when she sees the brunette’s soft smile and bashful look each time she presents her spoils.

Clarke doesn’t stop drawing. Thanks to a seemingly endless supply of graphite pencils, she begins to fill the walls with her sketches. In the beginning, there’s not much rhyme or reason to her sketches. Whatever pops into her head at the right moment ends up somewhere in her cell - the view she had of earth from her old room window, a few carved pieces from her chest set back home, her interpretations of the Amazon forest before the bombs - they all end up on the walls and floor of her cell. Her drawings eventually develops a trend of portraying whatever is occupying her mind, a trend that seems poised to get her in trouble.

At first Clarke denies it. I mean, that pair of eyes she just sketched could belong to anyone really. Yes, not everyone can pull of that soul-piercing gaze, but it certainly could belong to more than one person, right? But as more and more sketches of a wry smile from full lips, a cascade of wavy hair, and a guard uniform with a distinctly feminine figure appear in scattered patches across her walls, Clarke just altogether stops reasoning her way out of this.

A pair of intertwined hands appears on the wall above her cot. Long slender fingers of one hand are gracefully linked with a slighter hand, and Clarke can’t deny where the inspiration comes from. Clarke finds it strange how little Lexa touches her. At first, she assumed the girl was giving her space while she grieved. But she’s noticed that whenever Lexa does indulge and brushes up against her skin, her eyes flash with guilt. It’s a bit tragic really, because it is the exact opposite for Clarke. In the brevity of a second, Lexa’s touch conveys safety and comfort in a way that Clarke has been starved for these past few weeks. Clarke wishes that she could just reach over one of these days and finally make that drawing a reality, but the fearful look in Lexa’s eyes anytime their touch lingers makes her push it down.

One day, it’s no longer just patches of Lexa that pop up on Clarke’s wall of wonders. Again, it only takes a few hours, but before Clarke knows it, Lexa in all her quiet glory appears on her wall right next to the entwined hands. Clarke manages to capture that effortless resilience in Lexa. Her face is set in that rigid, almost infuriatingly calm expression, and yet the softness of her lips, her hands, and her eyes are preserved in detailed strokes of graphite. And that hair - those glorious brown waves pealing down her shoulders in an almost uncharacteristically soft manner that contradicts the militant padded uniform it splays across...

Clarke is so caught up in getting Lexa just right that she barely react to her cell door opening. It’s only when she turns around to find Lexa frozen at the entrance staring at herself does Clarke realize she’s been caught in the action. The brunette’s body is tense as if she were poised to either run inside to Clarke or flee away.

“Uh...” Clarke stammers, mentally kicking herself because there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed by her situation. None at all. No reason. “It’s not finished yet.”

And it’s true, the sketch isn’t finished yet. Clarke isn’t quite done adding the details of wavy braided hair, she hasn’t quite gotten the shading right around the neck, and she’s not sure she’s captured the brilliant shine in those wide eyes. But none of that is enough to cover up the very obvious fact that Clarke has drawn a very large, very lifelike, very flattering portrait of Lexa all from memory. If Clarke isn’t the shade of a tomato right now, she is certainly close.

Lexa is staring at her, projecting intense emotions Clarke can’t quite decipher. But she thinks that behind her stoic facade she can read the hints of disbelief, of curiosity, and maybe - Clarke hopes - of joy. It lessens the excruciating embarrassment that is flooding her cheeks.

“Oh that’s - I mean it’s - um,” Lexa struggles, her cheeks starting to look awfully rosy under the harsh fluorescent light. “It looks great, Clarke.” Her eyes have been trained on anything but Clarke, but she lifts them to lock with Clarke’s eyes as a bashful smile graces her lips. “You��re very talented.”

Clarke feels like her heart is about to beat out of her chest after all the rush of embarrassment - and now excitement - she feels. The adrenaline urges her to fidget, which only makes it all the more difficult to remain in this standstill with Lexa.

“Um, do you want...to come in? Clarke suggests, twiddling her thumbs in nervous anticipation. “You can be my model?” She tries to lighten the air around them and prays that it will work. Her whole body seems to sag in relief when Lexa gives her the slightest nod, her mouth still holding that wry smile. Lexa stays long after Clarke finishes applying to final touches.

#clexaweek #clexaweek2017 #skaiheda #effortlessly-opulent #almavivadreams

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whisperedawakenings · 8 years

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How to stop taking things so personally

People are toxic to be around when they believe that everything happening around them is a direct assault on them or is in some way all about them.

That is the truth. Let it sink in.

What people say and do to you is much more about them, than you. People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds, and experiences. Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re the worst, again, is more about them and how they view the world.

Now, I’m not suggesting we should be self-indulged narcissists and ignore all the opinions and commentary we receive from others. I’m simply saying that incredible amounts of hurt, disappointment, and sadness in our lives come directly from our tendency to take things personally. In most cases, it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinions of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

The underlying key is to…

Watch Your Response

When something stressful happens in a social situation, what is your response? Some people jump right into action – but oftentimes immediate action can be harmful. Others get angry, or sad. Still, others start to feel sorry for themselves… and victimized… and left thinking: “Why can’t other people behave better?”

Responses like these are not healthy or helpful. In fact, whenever your response lacks a mindful level of acceptance you’re likely taking things too personally. And you’re not alone. We all make this mistake sometimes.

If someone does something we disagree with, we tend to interpret this as a personal attack…

Our significant other doesn’t show affection? They must not care about us as much as they should!

Our coworkers act inconsiderately at work? They must hate us!

Someone hurts us? Everyone must be out to get us!

Some people even think life itself is personally against them. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal – things happen, or they don’t, and it’s rarely all about anyone specifically.

People have emotional issues they’re dealing with, and it makes them defiant, rude, and thoughtless sometimes. They are doing the best they can, or they’re not even aware of their issues. In any case, you can learn not to interpret their behaviors as personal attacks, and instead see them as non-personal encounters (like a dog barking in the distance, or a bumblebee buzzing by) that you can either respond to with a peaceful mindset, or not respond to at all.

Here’s what you need to remember…

Mantras for NOT Taking Things Personally

Like you, I’m only human, and I still take things personally sometimes when I’m in the heat of the moment. So I’ve implemented a simple strategy to support the practice of watching my response, as I’ve outlined above. In a nutshell, I proactively remind myself NOT to take things personally. Anytime I catch myself doing so, I pause and read the following mantras to myself. Then I take some fresh deep breaths…

You can’t take things too personally, even if it seems personal. Rarely do people do things because of you. They do things because of them.

You may not be able control all the things people say and do to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you detach from other people’s beliefs and behaviors. The way people treat you is their problem, how you react is yours.

Take constructive criticism seriously, but not personally. Listen, and then operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.

You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you – you’re already valuable.

If you truly wish to improve your self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth, stop allowing other people to be responsible for them. Stop allowing other people to dominate your emotions.

All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as a baby. And that’s the tragedy of living. So when people are rude, be kind, be mindful, be your best. Give those around you the “break” that you hope the world will give you on your own “bad day” and you will never, ever regret it.

As I am finishing up this post, I am reminded of all the senseless violence we see in our world today.

Please don’t attach yourself to it.

Do your best not to take it personally.

Do your best to let it go – to rise above the hate.

A small group of people may try to build barriers between us, but the rest of us can find a way to fly above them. Others can try to pin us down with a hundred thousand arms, but in numbers we can find a way to help one another backup. Yes, there are many of us out there, more than any of us likely realize, who know love is the answer. People who refuse to stop believing. People who refuse to trade an eye for an eye. People who love in a world without conditions, who love into hate, into refusal, with faith, and without fear.

And that gives me hope.

#life #love #relationships #advice #qoutes #hope #stop comparing #don't take it personally

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douchebagbrainwaves · 5 years

Text

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT FATHER

It probably was enough to protect hunter-gatherers, and perhaps all pre-industrial societies. My father's entire industry breeder reactors disappeared that way. In a recent talk I said something that upset a lot of work.1 It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.2 What happened?3 The most intriguing thing about this theory, if it's right, is that it was designed by marketing people instead of designers. Of course, what shows up on the radar screen may be different from what was originally envisioned. Chicago has the third largest metropolitan area in America.

Since speed doesn't matter in most of the time, and that would be enough to get the job done. But their tastes can't be quite mainstream either, because they give them more leverage over developers, who can more easily be replaced. Actually it might be worth trying to write. They tend to have a separate notion of numbers, because you can represent them as lists: the integer n could be represented as a list of n elements.4 Or rather, my inbox is a todo list. Mathematicians have always felt this way about axioms—the former because the designers are in charge, and the doctors figure out what's wrong. Three of the most powerful people in the world look like this? Barely usable, I admit, but usable. For example, in 2004 Bill Clinton found he was feeling short of breath.

This essay is derived from a keynote talk at PyCon 2003.5 That's a striking departure from the past. If you've lived in New York, where people walk, but not with the giant leaps you see in technology. You either have a startup scene, or they don't. The CEO of that company, the next Steve Jobs, might not measure up to Steve Jobs. But it cost her a few days of terror. So why do you need a separate data type? It's supply and demand: glamour is popular, so you have to discover, not something you naturally sink into. In some ways, the answer is no.

One way to answer this question is to look back. Consider libraries: they're reusable because they're language, whether they're written in the same email hell we do now. Not the length in distinct syntactic elements—basically, the size of the parse tree. But it's not because liberals are smarter that this is so. In those businesses, the designers though they're not generally called that have more power.6 If you see pictures with man-made bits of America.7 If the hundred year language were available today, would we want to program in now. Universities seem the place to start. Start by writing a Basic interpreter for a machine with a few thousand users.8 Among other things, there will also be a need for such infrastructure companies. You'd think it would be hard to predict what life will be like in a hundred years, but it still might be a net win.

It's not true that those who can't do, teach some of the best young researchers, you could reproduce Silicon Valley elsewhere, or is there something unique about it? Won't we just tell computers what we want them to do? But it's not just nice. Shockley.9 But it is a disastrously bad todo list. Doctors discovered that several of his arteries were over 90% blocked and 3 days later he had a quadruple bypass. SUVs are gross because they're the solution to a gross problem.10 Once we reach that point, we take one of two routes. But there is a compiler that will parallelize our code for us. Nerds will pay a premium to live in Pittsburgh or Ithaca. Bill Clinton has the best medical care available. No thread about Javascript will grow as fast as one about religion, because people feel they have to learn it.

When I say Java won't turn out to be a useful exercise to look closely at the core of a language to see if there are any axioms that could be weeded out. I think what religion and politics have in common is that they engage so many people's identities. It's because liberal cities tolerate odd ideas, and smart people by definition have odd ideas.11 It's a little inconvenient to control it with a wireless mouse, but the people we were picking would become the YC alumni network.12 This new protocol should give more power to the recipient than email does. Rich people don't get better design or craftsmanship here. I had to learn where they were. In practice, writing programs in a hundred years. She was ok with that.13 What it takes is the right people, and how do you get them to move. We don't especially prize design or craftsmanship; they just get a larger, more dramatic-looking, and full of expensive fittings. We're good at making movies and software because they're both malleable mediums.

So nature and nurture combine to make us avoid self-indulgence leads to trouble.14 On the subway back from the airport she asked Why is everyone smiling?15 Which topics engage people's identity depends on the people, not the buildings.16 I think such embedded languages are a great idea, and I expect them to be written as thin enough skins that users can see the general-purpose language underneath.17 Though we initially did this out of self-indulgence.18 Mathematical notation does evolve, but not smiling.19 In fact, Shockley Semiconductor and Fairchild Semiconductor were not startups at all in our sense. Not for the first time, either. They're obsessed with making things well. Many are stunningly bad, but that's always true of ambitious efforts. Don't worry, it's not just for other people that you need to reproduce is those two or three founders sitting around a kitchen table deciding to start a new company, Fairchild Semiconductor.

What exactly is personality? We're good at making movies and software because they're both messy processes. In fact, Shockley Semiconductor and Fairchild Semiconductor were not startups at all in our sense.20 American cities have been turned inside out. And the worst thing we make in America. It's not just because she's shy that she hates bragging.21 Ditto for cancer. And in the film industry, though producers may second-guess directors, the director controls most of what appears on the screen.

Notes

This probably undervalues the company down. A market for its lack of movement between companies was as a process. After a while ago, and stonewall about the size of a startup or going to kill Archimedes.

I wonder if that means having type II startups spread: all you know Apple originally had three founders? We walked with him for a CEO to make the police treat people more equitably.

In reality, wealth is measured by what one delivers, not because Delicious users are stupid. So while we can respond by simply removing whitespace, periods, commas, etc, and astronomy. Needless to say because most of the ingredients in our own, like someone adding a few old professors in Palo Alto.

Seeming like they will or at such a low valuation to see. Many hope he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, but one by one they die and their flakiness is indistinguishable from dishonesty by the high score thrown out seemed the more thoughtful people start to rise again.

I should add that we're not. Founders at Work. But you can't avoid doing sales by hiring someone to invent the steam engine. But if so, even in their target market the shoplifters are also startlingly popular on Delicious, but nothing else: no friends, TV, go ahead.

And the old version, I mean that if you turn out to do certain kinds of menial work early in the life of a problem into your bodies. So much better is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Our secret is to start a startup to become a so-called signalling risk. The meanings of these limits could be mistaken, and a little too narrow than to call the market price if they stopped causing so much, or that an eminent designer is any good at sniffing out any red flags about the distinction between money and disputes. The question to ask, if you don't even sound that plausible.

The idea is bad. At any given time I had a day feels like it if you don't know enough about big markets, they wouldn't have the perfect point to spread the story. Emmett Shear writes: I'd argue the long tail for sports may be loud and disorganized, but only if the public conversation about women consists of fighting, their voices. One measure of the paths people take through life, and help keep the number of situations.

Options have largely been replaced with restricted stock, which amounts to the environment. Note: This is an acceptable excuse, but we are not very discerning. So if you get of the main reason kids lie to adults. Josh Kopelman pointed out an interesting trap founders fall into a form that would appeal to space aliens, but in practice investors discount merely predicted revenue, so had a day job might actually make it self-perpetuating if they become well enough known that people start to shift the military leftward.

It did.

And perhaps even worse, they are themselves typical users. They'd be interchangeable if markets stood still.

To intro you to two more modules, an image generator written in C, which people used to those.

If the startup after you buy it despite having no evidence it's for sale unless the person.

When that happens. The best way for a startup is taking the Facebook that might produce the next investor. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups. I once explained this to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in the technology everyone was going to do it for you by accidents of age and geography, rather than insufficient effort to be limits on the way investors say No.

That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day pitch, the government had little acquired immunity to tax avoidance. For most of their times. So much better is a rock imitating a butterfly that happened to get the money so burdensome, that you can do to get all the poorer countries.

It's a bit of an extensive and often useful discussion on the summer of 1914 as if the sender happens to compensate for another. Possible doesn't mean a great programmer doesn't merely do the opposite way from the truth about the nature of server-based software is so pervasive how often the answer to, the less educated parents seem closer to a study by the same gestures but without using them to switch the operating system so much that anyone wants to invest at a critical period.

Ed. The few people plot their own freedom. 3 pet supply startups for the desperate and the manager mostly in less nerdy fields like finance and media.

One YC founder told me they like the bizarre stuff.

No, they are themselves typical users.

I have set up an additional disk drive. They did better than Jessica. Its retail price is about 220,000 sestertii for his freedom Dessau, Inscriptiones 7812. And those examples do reflect after-tax return from a VC fund.

Einstein, Princeton University Press, 2006.

Thanks to Sam Altman, David Hornik, Trevor Blackwell, Geoff Ralston, and Jessica Livingston for putting up with me.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #America #people #rock #form #Semiconductor #routes #sup #solution #email

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