#Because it's already long and I'm already being very annoying and getting blocked by people for sure

[emile-hides]

I might seriously do a nostalgia rewatch of the anime just because you keep posting about them , . anyway i would absolutely not mind getting little blerbs on every member of Sabertooth you've listed :3

My god!!! These fucking guys!!!!! They came so far out of left field for me and I still do not have a good read on them they really came barreling it in the last two seasons huh!! Okay!!!

This is gonna get kinda long so all of it under the cut!! Thankyou very much for asking!!!

We'll start with Minerva and man. Why'd she stop wearing make-up when she got redeemed?? Why her eyes so big??? Girl what happened you lost all your original character design huh???

I really didn't like Minvera at first, and I guess you're really not supposed to but she really didn't. Get??? Better?? She got worse and then we just kept going anyway. I really feel like we could have had more with her character arc, sense she was affected by the Regression Spell Doriate used, which we see clearly drag Grey's childhood trauma right back up in his face, I just think it'd be cool if it'd done the same to her? Give us a little hint at the abuse that caused her to be this way and the healing from that that inevitably turns her back around, you know?

Also just what??? Happened??? To her demon form??? I was unaware loosing an eye and going full incubus with several tattoos was so instantly reversible in the world of Fairy Tail. I feel like there should have been more there. But also instead of narrative plot we got a chill comedic break with her, Erza, Franmalth, and the Exceeds midway through about three episodes, and in one of those moments we get Lily commenting that she'd make an excellent wife so. I can't be too disappointed.

I don't think I have a sexuality headcanon for her, and I don't think she knows either. Romance is weakness so she never really had time to explore that part of herself growing up. In the New and Improved Sabertooth she'll have much more space to finder herself, I think.

Oh also she's recovering from a really bad eating disorder! She fell into it after her father left her in the woods, what and when and how much she ate became her only control. It took her a long time to really face and talk about it because admitting to something like that is another weakness and we all know how she is about facing those. That's why Sabertooth started having eating contests every year! Sting thinks giving her a big event to eat as much as she can at as a competition will encourage her to get more comfortable with eating. She'll never be discouraged from another meal when you win by eating, right?? Perfect idea Sting!

Sting next okay Sting's really funny to me actually and I can't pinpoint why but he's just. He really gets a laugh out of me.

He's the only Dragon Slayer who Thinks with their Head I think he's technically Wendy's age but they locked all the main characters away on an island just so he and his brother could be Natsu's age because what kind of boy dragon slayer is a child he's gotta hit people he can't hit people with a 12 year old's fist He's for some reason The master of the new Sabertooth because he killed the last guy I guess he fucking killed a man can we talk about that he killed a guy on screen was he a shitty guy yeah sure but he was still a guy with a name and a face one of the Good Guys of this anime hard murdered and I feel like that's kind of a big deal we don't Do That a lot.

I really like Sting and Lector, they feel like Happy and Natsu but on more even ground. Happy just feels like a baby sometimes even if Natsu doesn't out right treat him like one the narrative sure does, but Lector? Lector's not a baby he's Sting's best friend they grew up Together they have the energy of childhood friends who are actually The Same Age they've known each other for life they're basically brothers you feel me? It's what Wendy and Carla should have been honestly.

Sting, like Natsu, gives me a lot of Aro vibes, but at the same time I do like the idea of him being romantically with Lector they're just so close and the times they hug get me every time. I'm fine with giving character's paraphilias but I'd need one specific to Exceeds. Demiromantic Asexual I guess? That'll hold for now till I come up with something else. He's also transgender He/They probably.

He also has ADHD like Natsu but medicated.

Rouge time fuckin!!! Guy dude buddy guy!! I feel like this would another Meow meow if this fandom wasn't attached to Natsu by the hip all the time.

I don't know why but Rouge's Wiki doesn't have any pictures of him as a kid which is unfortunate considering his whole thing is every major stage in his life he grows his hair a little longer.

Baby Rouge had a buzz cut, Grand Magic Games Rouge had the It's Not a Phase Edgey anime boy hair, Tartaros Arc Rouge got the pretty boy ponytail, and Future Evil Gonna Destroy the World with Grief Rouge had a white string bean of a ponytail for some reason.

On the flip side of Sting and Lector we have Rouge and Frosch which is just. Absolutely wild. They don't feel like friends at all Rouge is a mother hen over this Cat Frog all the time. I can't tell if he's infantilizing Frosch or trying to be supportive but either way something about it feels weird and unbalanced compared to the other Exceed/Slayer relationships, especially sense Frosch is canonically 12 to Happy's 6. Another reason I really hate the 7 year time skip.

Rouge is the same Exceed Paraphillia as Sting, and is also probably a shotacon on top of that, to play with the infantilization of Frosch. I could also just see him identifying as Gay, Genderfluid He/She/They

Finally we reach!!! Yukino!!! QUEEN!!!!

I remember seeing her and getting so confused because she looked so much like Sorano but no one was calling it out which this show LOVES to do when characters are related they really gotta tell no show those kinds of bonds so I was lost on her for a while.

Truth be told I think about Sorano a lot she is my most thought about girl in the series so most of my Yukino thoughts kind of just stem off of her sister, which I feel bad about because Yukino is just. So cute.

There's something about a character who expects things to go bad because they always do and then is still hurt by it and lays all the blame on themselves. Use enough to expect it, not yet given up hope of getting better.

I also just! Love celestial wizards! I wish we'd gotten more on her dynamic with Libra because really. Compared to the other spirits Libra seems so god damn normal. The spirits are weird let Libra be WEIRD we had a whole episode where we got to see the spirits one at a time and Libra was so NORMAL let her be WEIRD!!!

Also the fact that Lucy has more than half the Zodiac makes Yukino look super under powered, and that bothers me. The way the keys work bother me.

Yukino is Pan and Transgender She/Her for sure, also full of Autism and a little OCD.

[lil13]

MAKEUP OR MAKEOUT? - j. champion

You're a new makeup artist, making your debut on Scream VI. Everything seemed to be going well until you were assigned Jack Champion, who always ran late and seemed to give you nothing but problems. You were stuck with the 6 foot something, curly-haired boy for the entirety of filming, spending all too much time together. Separately, you'd claimed each other as enemies, but as time goes on soft touches and fleeting glances become too much for the two of you.

•

June 2022, Scream VI, the start of your career as a makeup artist.

Honestly, you were shocked when you were offered the position. You were 17. It was crazy to think that a big name franchise would offer you, a minor, a position in makeup for their film.

The only downside was that you despised the actor you were put in charge of.

Jack Champion, the only other minor on the set.

The first day he showed up late, spouting out apologies. But every day since then he's been late and every day since then the apologies and excuses have gotten worse. And he couldn't sit still.

It's been a month and a half of this, now mid July. You all only about a month left. Couldn't Jack get his act together?

The door to the trailer swung open, "Late again, Champion." You mumbled, glancing down at your watch.

He scoffed, "I'm aware, thanks, Y/L/N."

You two solely referred to each other by your last names. It was fitting, your first names felt too personal for people who hated each other.

You'd heard Jack complaining to the others about how he wished he had a different makeup artist because his didn't talk to him. Which was a lie. You did talk to him, just clearly not as much as he wanted.

He was already wearing his costume for the day — jeans, a light blue polo, and a jacket with a plaid lining. You didn't want to admit he looked good in it. Especially when he slid the jacket off and it revealed how the polo perfectly defined his biceps.

Especially not that.

"How is your hair always curly but not curly at the same time?" You asked when he sat down, pulling out a spray bottle, mousse, and your diffuser.

His hair frustrated you. Jack had naturally curly hair, but you always had to work so long on it every day.

He shrugged, glancing up at you. "Dunno." You shielded his eyes when you sprayed the water.

But also so you didn't have to endure his chocolate brown eyes gazing into yours. They were dangerous.

"Well, figure it out." You mumbled again, brushing your fingers through his hair to disperse the water.

Then you sprayed the mousse in your hand, rubbing your hands together and then through his hair. You stood behind him, running the product through his hair and ignoring his gazes at your through the mirror. His hair was soft in your fingers and you had to bite back the thought of your hands being in his hair on different occasions.

That would never happen.

He was famous, you weren't. And you hated each other.

Sort of.

At first, the hatred was very real. Now, he more so just annoyed you. But he also intrigued you.

Damn, Jack Champion. Him and his perfect smile and captivating eyes.

"Stop staring at me." your thoughts left your mouth.

You immediately wished you could've taken it back, but turned on the diffuser to hopefully block out any response he gave.

But your wish for him to stop staring only made him stare more. You'd noticed him staring, so now he didn't have to hide it.

Finishing his hair only took a few more minutes. You dreaded the moment you turned off the diffuser, now he could talk and you'd hear him. But he stayed quiet.

He didn't need much makeup. The directors had asked for all actors to at least have on foundation, concealer, and powder. It would eliminate any blemishes or redness, making it to where they would film the same scene over many days and have their faces looks the same.

So, that's what you started.

Occasionally, as you were brushing on the products, your fingers would graze his skin. Or you'd lose your balance and your steady yourself with a hand on his shoulder chest. The touches were doing something to you, and, unbeknownst to you, they were also doing something to Jack.

You'd two had been stuck with each other for a month and a half. Everyday, you'd spend time together. You started every morning with Jack and would see him periodically throughout the day when you were needed for touch ups.

Occasionally, you'd have to run your fingers through his hair to fix the curls or brush more powder onto his face when he'd get sweaty or reapply the foundation whenever he'd inevitably wipe it off. The touches sometimes would end up being more intimate than either of you meant for them to be.

You were nearly done with his makeup when it came time for lip balm. Typically, you'd give it to Jack to apply since it was one applied with one's fingers, but today you did it yourself to speed up the process. You needed him to leave. Your mind was swirling.

His lips were separated as you ran your finger over them. You swore you heard him breathe in quickly when you started.

There was definitely no way you'd look at him now.

"You wanna know something, Y/N?" his voice quiet when you turned to wipe your fingers off from the lip balm.

"Mhmm."

"I stopped hating you a couple weeks ago."

You swallowed harshly. That's definitely not what you needed to hear.

"Me too." you whispered, scared to admit the truth.

You went to walk away, but were stopped when his hand caught your arm. Your eyes connected and a whimper slipped past your lips, betraying you, his chocolate brown eyes held an entirely different emotion than you'd ever seen before.

"Jack." his name came out more as a warning.

You two were so different.

Your lives would forever be one's that shouldn't intersect. You practically worked for him.

Jack decided to disregard your warning, his hand moving from your arm to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him. With a sharp intake of breath, your lips connected.

And even though everything inside of you was warning you not to do this, to separate now and request a change of actors for the rest of filming to stay professional, you didn't want to. This, kissing Jack, felt so right.

Your knees went weak at the passion he put into the kiss. Jack noticed, his other hand guiding your hips so you'd sit on his lap. You were still in disbelief when you sat down, just barely on him, one hand on his chest and the other in his hair.

You didn't care that you'd have to touch up his makeup and fix his hair. You were practically making out with the actor you swore you hated.

A call came over the walkie talkie you had clipped to the waistband of your pants, letting all makeup and wardrobe know that the actors were needed on set. You were sure that that announcement was the only thing that caused your kiss to break. Both of you were breathless.

Your eyes locked with Jack's once more, both of you searching each other's for any hints of regret. But there was none.

You swallowed your nerves, "I, uh, need to touch up your hair and makeup." Jack fought back the smile on his lips at your nervousness.

Jack's hands on your hips stopped you from standing up. Your eyes finding his once more, this time widened in question.

"Sit here and do it, I want you close for as long as I can have you."

You obliged to his request. Leaning over to grab the makeup products you needed, his hands sliding you further on his lap so you wouldn't fall off. You could get used to this. Being with Jack, touching Jack, felt normal.

Your fingers fluffed up the back of his hair, the curls you'd played with while you kissed. And you touched up the makeup you'd smudged, reapplying the lip balm once more, the product you'd been applying when he'd decided to kiss you.

Then you stood up, sliding off of his legs. The boy stood up too, sliding his jacket back on and walking toward the door.

Only instead of leaving, he paused, swiftly walking back over to you and taking your face in his hands — pressing his lips against yours once more.

You silently cursed him as he left the trailer, but didn't fight your smile this time.

[olderthannetfic]

New favorite pastime: telling people who say that I must have gone through trauma in order to write dark things well that I don't think they're old enough to read my story, as discerning reality from make-believe is something most children do very early on, then recommending they have their grown-up install a net nanny program on the computer to keep them from ending up seeing something that might distress them. Then, when they insist no, they were complimenting me, actually, telling them that Stephen King committed zero murders, etc, etc., for as long as I can think of authors' names and examples. Repeat copying & pasting that last comment for all subsequent interactions.

I can already hear people going, "just block them!" but I like making the people who make my day worse feel bad, and this is a way to do that. When I think I'm about to get an actual comment on my work and instead it's someone going, "I'm so fucking stupid and braindead that I assume you have to do something in order to write it because the whole concept of 'fiction' is lost on my dumb ass", it annoys me, and I'm tired of being expected to be a mom who gently goes, "oh, I'm sure they meant well!" I much prefer being the snide, bitter old witch who goes, "wow, you're a moron" and doesn't coddle them.

I get it. A lot of people are stupid enough they, personally, could not write a thing they didn't experience. "Write what you know" exists because people that dumb are so common. But their empty skulls aren't universal and I'm tired of pretending there's anything rational or logical about assuming my stories are autobiographical.

Why do people like this even bother commenting? A video of them taking a shit would have just as much intellectual insight to add to the conversation, and I could at least sell that online to a niche porn site for money.

--

[joesalw]

Ok I'm sorry but this is gonna be a long rant.

I am an ex swiftie (also a minor) and I joined the fandom back in 2022 after midnights released. Before that I had heard a few songs but I barely knew anything about Taylor before 2020 and I did not know about the Kimye stuff or anything.

When the bejeweled music video was released I did not realize the easter eggs so thus I thought that I need to become parasocial and I NEED to know everything that taylor has done every minute of the day (referencing Do you really wanna know where I was April 29?)

I went deeper into the hole. I started getting obsessed with Taylor. I clicked on every video , post and podcast mentioning her. I genuinely became a parasocial fan. I only heard her songs and barely cared about other artists. I hated on her exes (Jake Gyllenhaal and John Mayer especially) because I believed that they had hurt Taylor to no extent. I still don't like them/am neutral but I don't hate them anymore. In march I joined tumblr because I heard Taylor was on here and I have no other social media to support her from so I came here to give her my support.

In April , the breakup happened. I was genuinely devastated. Joe was and is an amazing person. I was shocked to see her move on so quickly and date m*tty he*ly . I was even as a child shocked as to how someone can move on so fast. But also move on to someone so problematic after calling herself an activist? Idk what was wrong with her. But IG as long as she is happy.

She broke up with him. We all rejoiced. Speak now TV was also announced! Yay!

I remember so well on 7th July I was in school and I was so fucking excited about it coming so soon I couldn't sit still. I was counting down minutes until it's release even tho I did not have any devices to listen to it on. My friends were so happy to see me happy and excited af.

I went home and heard speak now tv. Amazing experience for me at that time.

I became the person who said shit like : I hate everyone but Taylor and Taylor is a gift to this Earth and etc etc.

But the amount of joe hate and joeover and joebless jokes annoyed me. Why were we hating a person who was in her life at her worst moments? Taylor would never condone or allow this.

But boy was I wrong.

Most of the hate against joe was my #Strike 1 for leaving the fandom.

Then came along Traylor. I was like oh ok as long as she is happy :))

Then she started associating with the nfl people. Br*ttany M*homes and Abuser bitch.

When I heard of this I was like wtf Taylor???

Weren't you the one who was going off about being on the right side of the history and believing victims?

I was like it's fine maybe she doesn't know or maybe she will stop once she knows.

She didn't

Then she won person of the year. I was already very unhappy with Taylor at that time. But I still was like Yay! Congrats! But maybe you shouldn't be the one to win it?

Then the doxxing by a swiftie happened. It was #strike 3

I left the fandom. I still had hope she would change.

Now after seeing her jets emissions (I'm a huge Environmentalist and a feminist so this shit bothered the living helm out of me) and her continuously hanging out with brittany piece of shit and all the joe hate going on, I am beginning to despise her.

I had initally blocked hate pages like yours but Now I open your posts everyday and check them because I relate to them sm.

I went from a person defending every action of Taylor's, being the only one in my entire theatre who knew the lyrics to all the songs of the eras tour movie , having Taylor as my top artist of the year with more than 60 percent of the songs being hers to despising her so much for being fake and stuck up.

I remember after I left the fandom and not many people knew about it , A classmate said something against Taylor and her songs directly to me daring me to oppose it and I genuinely wanted to cry because I thought that I would now always be associated with this fandom.

The ex swiftie in me genuinely wants 2016 to happen again so Taylor will be removed from the pedestal she is put on by so many. She needs to be saved from herself and her parasocial fans.

And I used to say I would love Taylor forever but I suppose forever really is the sweetest con.

TLDR :- I USED TO BE A PARASOCIAL SWIFTIE WHO USED TO LIVE AND BREATHE TAYLOR BUT NOW I'M SLOWLY STARTING TO DESPISE HER.

Sorry this was so long I had to get it off my chest.

Thanks for reading it!

ex swifties are my favourite people in this planet rn

[comicaurora]

Hi, sorry for the long ask. I wanted to say I love your work with OSP and the webcomic. Been a fan since like 2015 and even though I'm some random on the internet it's wonderful to see the channel grow and stay a chill and educational part of the internet. I find your channel and webcomic really inspiring.

Do you have a method/strategy/etc. for dealing with the constant barage of media/opinions? and how you stay true to yourself when there's so much stuff out there?

Like I find myself pulled in so many different directions and being told to change my art style and have to try very hard not fall into the trap of just making stuff so someone might see it, just to attempt beat an algorithm in a very saturated world.

Do you just block out that stuff or do have other methods? How do you decide what influences you let in (art or otherwise)?

Hoo, interesting question.

It's tough for sure, and it took me a while to get even halfway good at it. It's very easy to internalize "this is Good and this is Bad and if you aren't doing the Good thing you are a Cringe Failure" especially if you hear it a hundred times a day from every direction. Nobody wants to be a Cringe Failure, and in highly caustic environments like the internet, it's easy to be trained to suppress every aspect of yourself that could ever be targeted for ridicule.

I think ultimately the only real way to handle that onslaught of noise is to learn to listen for your own internal voice. It can be tough to hear, but it is there - otherwise all that noise wouldn't be so confusing and annoying. There's something in you that those opinions you're being bombarded with don't quite line up with. Someone says "oh lol that show is so bad", it only twinges because something inside you disagrees. Someone says "this art style is awful," it twinges because a part of you enjoys it. Someone says "this thing is the best," it twinges because you didn't enjoy it.

Excavating that inner core of Thoughts and Opinions is well worth the effort, because it'll help you process both what you actually like and dislike and what you actually want to create and how. It's not so much about blocking out competing opinions, because it can be very helpful to know what other people think about the stuff you enjoy and/or create - it's just about clearing out the internalized stress and fear and desire for conformity-induced acceptance that might be muffling your ability to hear what you actually think. It'll give you a compass for navigating to your own happiness.

Especially when it comes to creative art, making what you want to make is probably the most important thing you can prioritize. You're the only person in the world who wants to create that specific, exact thing in your head - and trying to create something someone else wants isn't bad, but it does suffer from the fact that that creative vision already has someone who could fulfill it. You don't need to make what they could make, or what you think they want you to make. You can just do your own thing, and the people who've wanted what only you could do without knowing to ask for it will love it.

[discord-lurking]

Dungeons and Daddies Wiki Drama: A Greek Tragedy Told through the Medium of Forum Posts (Part 4)

Epilogue/Exodus

Phaethon loses control of the chariot's reins.

As of the writing of this post, the wiki forums have stayed largely inactive.

December 22nd, 2023:

However, the wiki itself has been going through many changes in the days since starting this series, most notably the deletion of all character and location pages.

Yes, you read that correctly: the Dungeons and Daddies wiki will no longer be allowing pages about characters or locations featured in the show.

A quick look at the "All Pages" section of the wiki:

Only 37 wiki pages remain, all of which are separate pages for each episode of season 1 (and not even all of the episodes- many episodes past episode 33 are simply missing).

If you try to search for a specific character, such as main season 1 character Darryl Wilson:

The only results are pages of episodes where Darryl is featured (which, as a main character in season 1, is all of them).

This is a baffling decision for wiki moderators to make in good faith. It renders the wiki entirely useless, as fans now have to comb through individual episode pages for simple information on characters or locations. Why on earth would they make this change with no announcement?

The simplest explanation is that these people (or singular person) are not acting on good faith.

Taking a look at the wiki policy & wiki forum rules is also enlightening:

Wiki policy as of screenshotting earlier this week, then an addendum for the new rules related to character pages, lagging, and location pages, as of December 22nd, 2023.

These rules are... long, to say the least.

Notably, the second paragraph on the page reads as follows:

"Also, every rule must be taken seriously and if you think this is a joke that is your fault, and if you got blocked because you broke a rule that's your fault because you broke it. Don't try to get out of this, you have to follow the rules."

Again, odd speech patterns and a focus on wiki justice. I'm sensing the work of TwoRatner afoot.

I believe this part was added after penguinwithatophat's question in the forums about whether the rules were serious. The new moderators seem very concerned with being taken seriously and instituting absolute rule over the wiki.

Some rules of interest to me:

"Don't gossip about drama or cause drama."

I've already failed on that count. It appears I might find myself banned from the Dungeons and Daddies Season 1 Wiki.

Tragic.

"Malware, viruses, fetishes, and any links of that variety or any evil lowlife site link will not be allowed to prosper."

The Four Horsemen of wiki moderating: malware, viruses, fetishes, and any links of that variety/any evil lowlife site link.

"You can have alternate accounts, but you should tell everyone it's an alt before using."

"You can not sockpuppet. If you are found sockpuppeting, especially to evade a block, then that account will be blocked indefinitely. You will have a message sent to your main account stating what you did wrong and that you should not do it again."

"Meatpuppetry is semi-allowed, because some blocked users have good requests to give to others. Anyone who doesn't want to change and did severe rule-breaks shouldn't be trusted so you shouldn't add edits on their request, but a user that wants to change can ask a friend to edit for them."

"Don't sockpuppet, ever, especially to evade bans."

Four (4!) separate mentions of sockpuppeting/meatpuppeting in the wiki policy.

"Don't abuse your power. You shouldn't break global polices on FANDOM or attack users just for annoying you. Ask polite questions, or give stern warnings, but don't exact harm or make people feel unsafe by being here."

Seems that this rule for admins is more of a suggestion than a law.

Then the forum-specific guidelines (which are also, unsurprisingly, long).

"Be nice and treat people with respect. Keep discussions civil and be open-minded about differing opinions. Don't do other dads dirty. We need this to be a safe and welcoming place."

Again, a rule that seems to be more of a suggestion than a law for the new admin team.

"Don't use sockpuppets to add more votes to yourself or make yourself look good. Just don't use multiple accounts for bad reasons."

"Sockpuppets posting will have their posts removed; no exceptions."

"Alts posting is fine, but remember to state that it's an alt."

"To elaborate, sockpuppets (alt accounts for evading blocks or sabotaging polls) in general are outlawed, and you should never make any."

Again, another four (4!!!) separate mentions of sockpuppeting/alts. They seem very deeply concerned about this potential issue. It's truly unthinkable that someone might take over the forums with multiple accounts, pretend to be more than one person, and use these accounts just to agree with themselves.

Right?

I tried to pick out more favorite rules, but then I realized I was just repeating the entirety of the screenshots. If you're skimming this, I highly recommend pausing to read the entirety of the forum guidelines. They're funnier than I could ever attempt to be.

Now, screenshots of some mod accounts of note.

Dramatis Personae (screenshots taken December 19-22nd, 2023):

Gaycowboyrats, former administrator of the wiki.

Honic Washington, (allegedly) former administrator. The link on their page leads to a Reddit acount, which has seemingly been deleted/banned, as mentioned in their forum posts:

Then some of the main culprits of the new admin team:

TwoRatner, whose account has seemingly been taken over by MitchRiot(er(er)) and been replaced by TwoMarshall. Another reference to account breaches, possibly perpetuated by the mysterious MitchRiot figure.

The link on the TwoRatner page leads to a user account under the same name on the Jonah Who wiki.

Brazil86, controversial new admin figure and someone who self-avowedly "serves to live."

Then other assorted current & former mods:

As mentioned by Tumblr user spaceyam, Nicoh Watonshing sure sounds similar to Honic Washington.

(I hadn't noticed this at all until I saw it pointed out in the notes but now it seems incredibly obvious, thank you!!)

The link on TheOneTrueGod41's page also leads to the Jonah Who wiki, but this time to the main page, not a user page.

On Marth8204's page, the link goes to the main page of the Funbob wiki.

As for NicohWatonshing's page link, it leads to a user page for the same name on the Luke Nukem wiki.

Interesting.

It seems that if these are all separate people, they have a history of being editors on niche wikis.

Then, I became curious about the Season 2 wiki.

What was this all for? Why the rush to split the wikis? What was so important about the season 2 pages that they had to be kept separate from season 1?

Right.

Thank you to everyone for reading and getting involved in this series! There may be more posts happening if things continue to develop, so stay tuned if you're interested. There also may be a new fan wiki effort underway, keep an eye out for that!

[baejax-the-great]

ao3 exists, plus it doesnt even matter what terms i search for on tumblr 100% of the time theres fanfiction. literally you can search any words on this website and some kpop guy/ reader fanfics flood the results every single fucking time. plus some of us are not here for fandoms??? your circus/clown analogy is stupid

So I'm incredibly allergic to shrimp-- to the point where if I ate a single shrimp I would die, to the point where I don't really consider shrimp food anymore--and it's the weirdest thing, yesterday i went to Target to buy hair conditioner, and they were selling shrimp. Don't they know it wasn't what I was looking for and I can't eat it anyway? Why would they do this? Totally fucked up of those shrimp catchers to try to poison me like that.

But analogies clearly aren't your thing, so let me break this down for you.

AO3 does indeed exist, but your suggestion that fanfic live there and ONLY there is akin to saying that imgur exists, so nobody should be posting images, whether they be photos or art, on any other website. Twitter exists (sort of), so really nobody should be posting shit posts or hot takes that are fewer than 140 characters or whatever.

Not everyone uses AO3. There is no law saying that if you write fanfic, you must post it on AO3 and nowhere else. There will never be a law that says that, because that's not how the internet works. Tumblr, one of the few social media sites that allows longform blogging, is in fact a great alternative to AO3 for one-shots. It's a little trickier for multi-chapter posts, but I've seen people make it work.

AO3 is not social media. People can't DM there, send asks, make friends, bump their post to the top of the feed (unless they are an asshole who is about to get blocked by half of fandom for pulling that move). Do you like social media? I mean you're here, on tumblr, bothering a total stranger, so you must see some value to it. Guess what--fanfic authors also enjoy being on social media and sharing what they've been up to, including their WIPs.

Things you aren't looking for being part of your searches is literally just life on the internet at all times forever. Earlier this month I was looking for a reference of draped fabric for drawing purposes. I googled 'chiton drawing' (chitons like the ancient Greeks used to wear), and all I got were drawings of molluscs of the genus 'chiton.' Alright, I did a google search for "toga drawing" and learned that there is an anime girl named Toga and people very much enjoy drawing her. Were the artists of the molluscs or the anime girl to blame for me having to slog through a bunch of irrelevant pictures to find one that could help me with my drawing? No. They correctly labeled what they were doing. That's just life.

Seeing fanfic in the tag doesn't harm you. At all. It doesn't matter if you find it cringe, or it's a ship you don't like, or it's xReader. For like ten seconds you looked at words you didn't particularly like, and then you moved on. How is that different from literally any other post on tumblr? I see bad takes and essays I don't care about on this site all the time. It's called scrolling. Again, this will be the case for every website on the internet forever. Are you telling me you read every tweet in your feed? Every reddit post? Sometimes you see irrelevant stuff. I guarantee some of my mutuals have already deemed this long ass post irrelevant and are scrolling on by. What makes fiction that much more abhorrent to you than the rest of the nonsense?

If you really hate seeing fanfic, tumblr has content blocking and tag blocking. You can block the phrase "x Reader." You can block the tag "fanfic." You can block all sorts of things, and if that doesn't work, you can just block the writers whose existence annoys you.

Sorry man, you personally not liking fandom and not using tumblr for it has really no bearing on what everyone else is doing. Like it or not, tumblr is a hub of fandom, and fanfic authors are going to be a part of every fandom on this green earth. Just because you came to the circus in order to admire the pretty fabric used on the tents doesn't mean the performers are in the wrong for doing their thing.

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: kermiekermie

today's interviewee is @kermiekermie, who ran "Friend or Host", was a part of the "Block Men Simps" group chat, and has generally been an active member of MCYTblr for a long time! below is a transcript of the questions and answers.

Q: What was your general experience in MCYTblr? Does anything stand out to you immediately?

A: I think my general experience on mcytblr was pretty positive compared to some peoples. The one thing that really stands out is how young I was- i was 11 when i joined mcytblr in early-mid 2020. That didnt really change the way people treated me aside from the occasional teasing and babying, but I did make it a point to say I didn't want to be treated differently. Mcytblr was not my first time in a fandom space and I knew how to avoid creeps already so I never really had any truly negative experiences, honestly the only annoying things that happened were being banned from discords and blocked by people due to my age (which was completely understandable). The biggest memory I have of mcytblr is of course the Block Men Simps group chat, and the original members of the group chat are really the only tumblr mutuals I still keep up with (snail actually has my snapchat!) I still kind of view them as a sort of family, and they were there for me in what I consider an extremely low point of my life and really helped me take my mind off things. During quarantine, I didnt have any of my irls numbers or socials and my mom had just been diagnosed with breast cancer, so I quite literally NEVER left the house and tumblr was really the only social interaction I got for a solid year. And while that definitely impacted my social development (i still cant start a conversation with someone irl without feeling nauseous and shaky) i'm very grateful I had people to talk to throughout that.

Q: I understand that you were the one who set up "Friend or Host". What was the process of organizing a fandom event like that like?

A: Friend or host . god. Like I said, I was 11-12 throughout the majority of my time on mcytblr, and I had ZERO experience organizing anything and I had very little help from anyone else. I tried to make it work the best I could and got creative, but overall I don't think it was a very big success. Funnily enough, not everyone who participated in FOH knew my age and one of the winners actually blocked me afterwards they found out, which I still giggle about today.

Q: How did Friend or Host go?

A: I don't think FOH necessarily went bad, but if I had a little more help and better organization skills and planned it out further ahead of time, I think it would've gone better. It was still fun and I had a good time either way, but I can admit it was a little messy.

Q: What major events in the fandom do you remember? (Either from the MCYTers themselves or fandom-specific!)

A: Honestly, my memory of my time in the wider mcytblr community isnt all that great and I tend to get timelines a little messed up, but i DO remember being there for the creation of the original dreamceler copypasta. In the BMS group chat we were having our normal conversation and someone oncest got brought up at the same time as dream somehow, and thus Ginger wrote the extremely cursed dreamceler copypasta. This eventually evolved into an entire universe (the dreamceler cinematic universe?) with various different copypastas that eventually had to be archived because of how out of hand it got. Sometimes I still see the copypastas floating around and it kind of freaks me out every time. I also have a veryyyy vivid memory of the time I made the 2020 mcytblr election discord read OmegaNotFound on wattpad (do NOT research. for your own safety) and it was really amusing seeing everyones reactions.

Q: Do you remember any of the "kinnie" blogs?

A: oh MY the kinnie blogs!! i actually have dms with a couple of them plotting little jokes and such and I got involved with them quite often!! i actually ran a justaminx one for a couple days (yikes) and it wasnt really that believeable looking back. me and ginger as well as a couple other mooties loved spamming the ask boxes of them with piss jokes and such, and I feel like we played a pretty big role in how widespread and popular kinnie blogs became.

Q: What was the "Kroger Anon"?

A: oh my dearest kroger anon how I miss you…. I still dont know who the kroger anon actually WAS, but they would send rainbow colored advertising messages about Kroger to various mcytblr blogs at random intervals. Funny thing is, I dont live near any krogers and have never been to one in my life, but the anon messages kinda made me want to go. I miss kroger anon…. kroger anon if youre reading this come home please..

Q: What were common in-jokes in the fandom of that time? (Copypastas, headcanons, rumors, etc)

A: Common in-jokes is a hard one!! like i said earlier, my memory of my time in mcytblr isnt all that great or extensive and I could probably better answer this if I went through my archive but alas, I do not have the patience for that. Obviously we had the good ole tapeworm and pregnancy posts, dreamceler, and various other cursed copypastas and memes. One inside joke between the block men simps gc was "thinkign 👽" which came from a typo snail made that just kind of caught on and we would use every once in a while to giggle at. Other than that, I can't really think of any specific inside jokes.

Q: Is there anything else you remember or would like to talk about?

A: Something I really want to talk about is how much lurking I did!! on the outside I was definitely a normal parasocial mcytblr blog but I lurked on pretty much every corner of the fandom you could really think of. Obviously I have a ton of critblr and other controversial mutuals but I never really openly interacted with that side of mcytblr since it was pretty heavily debated and I am nothing if not conflict avoidant. I also did quite a bit of truthing that no one ever really mentioned which I guess I sort of appreciate. I think being in a fandom that involved actual real people ar that age for that long kind of screwed with me, and ive never really been able to be in a fandom for a piece of actual fiction because theyve just never gotten my interest in the same way, I guess. Even now, i was in grouptwt for quite a while (tgc podcast) and now im active on kpoptwt, which again, both of those fandoms are for actual real people. I dont think its the parasocial aspect either, ive never been super parasocial and have never had a problem criticizing the content creators I watch. Im really grateful for all the people I met on mcytblr, but I think the actual dream smp and the way I engaged with content overall negatively impacted how I interact with things now.

[cursedpinterest]

the thing that makes me so annoyed about pinterest is that its made up mostly of kids who were regarded as so funny in kindergarten for whatever reason and internalized that as their only personality trait and later saw tumblr screenshots and because they didn't have any actual natural humor they decided the real way to be funny is just to be insanely hostile and #random to complete strangers. if I have to see one more kid repeating the "theres a headless corpse in the dumpster behind payless" joke on random comments from people who don't care, i'm gonna explode. please. please just look into how to develop social skills. there are worksheets free online I promise its okay to use them.

part 2 of what makes pinterest annoying is that nobody on that website knows what bait is and takes everything completely seriously and at face value and has absolutely no critical thinking skills and doesn't know how to absorb information and create their own opinions based off of that, they just believe everything they're told as long as it makes a little bit of sense to them. it doesn't have to make sense in the real world (ex: people identifying as animesexual or furries demanding litter boxes in school bathrooms), it just has to be ridiculous so they can react strongly to the idea rather than the actual reality of it. its also a dangerous mindset when you get real deep into it because it means they take whatever bait they can - and that's a tactic. there's tons of people who comment stuff on tiktoks like "fat women can't pull off short skirts or crop tops" or "you can't dance i bet you can't do this provocative dance" and they take the bait so easily because they've been taught that its funny to #own bigots and idiots online, and being funny is more important being safe. its genuinely horrifying.

omg the bait thing is so real. like people just farm outrage clicks and comments to get more traction and views, you see this a lot on facebook and twitter too, like someone saying something very obviously egregious and millions of people flood the comments in a huff. or they do that thing where they're like "omg people are so stupid how do you not know that miami is the capital of florida", which is just BEGGING for people to go into the comments to correct them like "ummm actually the capital of florida is tallahassee so actually you're stupid", falling into the OP's engagement trap hook, line, and sinker. its very competitive, people don't know how to let things go, they HAVE TO correct and one-up others and feel smarter than them, even when other people have commented the same thing already. they have to let their voice be known, even if its saying the exact same thing as thousands of others. individualism at its finest.

and honestly, i get it. it's hard to pull away, see something batshit and not respond. its hard bc people on pinterest are so naïve, but that's just a symptom of having a userbase consisting of mostly older conservatives and very young teens that happen to intersect at times. it ties into whole the #owning bigots thing too, like they'd rather make fun of obviously terrible people then help or support people that are being targeted. like ok, you hate terfs. now what do you do to support trans people outside of making memes about how terfs suck? this is why that stupid harry potter game is still trending, bc people refuse to block, ignore, mute stupid terfs who are chomping at the bits for a fight and have to argue with them and make memes, which is only aggravating it's notoriety.

[thegirlwhowrites642]

Ahh, finally used expelliarmus on you-know-who? Well 👏🏼 done 👏🏼. It was long overdue 😂 💕

Bloody hell guys.

I woke up, did my things, then I checked Tumblr and there were messages like this one, people writing in my DMs that you-know-who (for lack of better terms) is attacking me...

Like, wtf?

I feel trapped in a mystery novel where I witnessed a crime, tried to do something about it, and somehow ended up as the prime suspect for the crime.

Yes, I know, you people told me to block him ages ago, I'm an idiot, you were completely right.

Mea culpa

There, I said it.

Also, because I'm curious af, I can't help it, I went to see what the hell he wrote and what he's claiming he said it's not even what he really wrote under the post and it's completely decontextualised. Is this how someone feels when they get trapped in a conspiracy?

I'll start from the beginning so everyone can understand.

I published a post where I fundamentally celebrated some of my favourite female characters.

One of those was Ginny. And of course, every time I say anything remotely positive about Ginny (who is probably the main topic of this blog) he had something negative to say in return instead of just... I don't know... stop following me????? Like every decent reasonable human being?????

One of the things I said was:

And also breaks that idiotic pattern of the hero ending up with the helper. Ginny is truly a character who deserves her own saga.

So, of course, under a post that celebrates female characters, in a blog that is very Ginny-centered, he felt the need to comment that Ginny for him was a helper even if not as close as Ron and Hermione.

Now, of course, I was supremely annoyed by that comment, and I had three options here:

Leave it there

Answer it disagreeing with it

Erase the comment

I didn't want to leave it there because well, first of all, it annoyed me and this is my blog but also because I don't want my posts used to spread ideas with which I disagree. You are free to do that with your posts, but not with mine (also, he could have easily just reblogged it and said what he apparently absolutely needed to say).

So I could answer the comment, I already did it plenty of times, but I exactly because I already did it plenty of times with this specific person, I knew it would have been pointless as usual.

So I erased the comment. Seemed a reasonable solution. It's an option I have, a boundary that I'm absolutely free to set.

He re-wrote the comment under the post.

I know, nuts.

Maybe he thought it got cancelled as a mistake? Possible, I re-erased the comment.

He re-wrote it.

This happened like four times.

Every single time I checked Tumblr he had re-written the comment. I went to sleep with the comment erased, I woke up with the comment there again, I erased it, and five minutes after the comment was there again. Surpassing by a long mile a boundary I had every right to set for myself: not having comments under my post that annoy the fuck out of me, written by someone who takes as a personal insult every post I make about a character I love (because obviously the fact that this was the 50000th post in which this subtle bashing happened played a huge factor, a behaviour displayed in such a way that lead multiple people multiple times to tell me to block him).

So I just decided to block him. Seemed the reasonable route at this point.

I don't want to be followed by someone who can't take a hint and can't respect other people's boundaries.

Turns out I wasn't exaggerating considering that he started leaving that comment under my fanfictions on ao3.

I wish I was joking but it's totally true. And now I'm wishing I hadn't erased them so you could all see the absolutely psychotic behaviour.

And now, apparently, he is writing posts on Tumblr about me.

Anyway, if this to you sounds like something normal to do, please stop following me.

I'm in no way against people disagreeing with what I say and telling me (I would prefer the asks box for that though), I'm against people who do it with no valid argumentation and more importantly obsessively.

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/ Eric Cartman (Sp fic)

('What up with the fatass?')

/Let me slide into your DM's/ part 3

Stan's gang meet up in discussion of their future revelation.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!"

Slight warning ⚠️ slurs, and well, it's a sp fic you could either expect both good or bad outcomes from it.

Btw important! It gonna get kinda gory and sensible topics are gonna be told in this chapter and the following others, so please if you're not comfortable with that type of stuff I don't recommend!

Author's note: I managed to link the chaps! So it'll be easier for u guys to switch between chapters ❤🙏🏼 again thx for the help u guys and also for the comments! I read each one of them! I'm very grateful for u guys, I'm glad u seem to enjoy my writing even if it can be a little off and confusing at points my vocabulary can be a little limited so I'm trying to expand it so it doesn't sound to iffy, ok time to read! 🤗

Second note: south park pov will be mostly Kyle's pov (technically just the gangs pov it'll be on Kyle's perpective) and north park would be Cartman's just wanted to make that clear! C:

~~~~~~

It's the day, the day that officially declares its been a month since Cartman moved, would this count as a 'Cartman anniversary'? Kyle really didn't want to know, he just wanted to do something.

Even if that meant having a fat bitch nagging, mocking, taunting him all the damn time. His life was starting to feel hallow, empty, numb, boring..

It felt meaningless? He's starting to feel what he assumed the adults of their town were going through; a internal crisis. Why did the fatass formed such a big part of what he's experiencing now?

How can someone so annoying make such a impact on him? On his brain and heart. Or was it that Cartman had already long gone manipulated into believing that he needed him to keep that flame in him.

Manipulated all of town, fuck, even the animals were looking bored as hell.

He layyed himself whole, flat stomach against the couch, bored looking face with his cheeks squishing against a cushion, it felt like he was going through some really bad break up, like the whole town was going through one. He grabbed the remote turning on the tv.

'Breaking news‼️: citizens across the country are now voting for the most lame uncharacteristic bland ass town of America! Polls are being equally divided between California's 'I eat fist' town, Texas 'sausage' town and ofcourse recently now unoriginal town in state of Colorado dropped by 68% to 1% in less than a month, 'South park', being one of the most demolished rates in history to beat a score of lameness about 59% in half a second! People claiming they barely even recognize the name, I barely remember the town itself if it weren't for this piece of paper that reminded of it! —'

He groaned loudly as he face slammed on to the cushions, letting out a heavy frustrating moan.

Now they were being ridiculed by their whole country for not being 'exciting' or 'interesting' enough.

He hated this feeling, he couldn't help but to pinned the blame on Cartman. He grunted reluctantly taking out his phone and opening his gallery, zoning out enough to block the new reporter's blabbering.

He scrolled to his countless pictures of family, friends, events, holidays, birthdays, trips and all that crap. He tapped on the first picture that just caught his attention; just fatass hogging his phone that day, making a collage of himself with vulgar gestures and weird looking faces.

'So original' he remembered remarking to Cartman, as the other just took out his tongue teasingly.

Scrolling once more, he halted in a picture were it was just Cartman making himself a mess with chocolate ice cream all splattered over his face; an annoyed look as his eyes darted at his hands by how ice creamy covered they were, cone half done being hold by his thumb pressed against his index.

He remembers taking a snap to make fun of Cartman later on because of how funny he thought it was, but he never actually used it and in reality he didn't find it as funny AFTER; once he second and third looked at it, more like, amusing. He found the picture amusing. Amusing enough to keep it saved in his gallery but also hogging it from others to see and share that se sentiment probably taking all the special to it.

After two more pictures, he clicked on a video, it was Cartman, once again, hogging his phone:

Rec🔴 0:06 - ⏮ ⏸ ⏭ -3:46

'Dammit, jew! Don't be so stingy!' There was a lot of movement making the camera shake viciously.

'Shut up, Cartman! Give me back my phone!'

'Worried I'll take all your cloud gigs too quickly?' Half Cartman's face seen, including that childish taunting pout of his.

'Ofcourse asshole! Do you know how much I have to pay for extra cloud storage!?'

'Stop being greedy and acting like your rich lawyer dad doesn't pay for your shit'

'My dad isn't rich'

'But he's a lawyer and a JEW'

'That makes zero sense'

'You know damn well what I mean'

Cartman than moved the camera angle in a wide frame showing both boys; one frowning angrily and the other smirking casually while he slightly waved at the camera before placing it steady and walking next to, well himself, Kyle.

Looking at his fat friend in a questioning look as he keep staring at the camera while standing next to him.

'What're you doing fat boy?' Before anything else he was gut punched in the gut.

'Ha! That's what you get for being greedy and letting your guard down, Kahal! Hahahaha!'

'That does it!' He screamed furiously standing up from his computer chair and chased Cartman around his room like two foolish kids messing around. Cartman smiling wide as he'd run from a fuming redhead.

3:46 - ⏮ ▶️ ⏭ -0:00 🔁

Kyle beamed by the memory, a nauseous revolving feeling surge in his stomach.

Moments like these is were he grasped hard into the somewhat relationship he had with Cartman, sometimes it was just hard to give up on him. Even if he's proven to be irredeemable, unforgiving, unfixable. Cartman could pathetically look at him with the most sad puppy eyes he's ever seen and couldn't bare himself but cease in and try to help once more. Which was stupid. But how can he just let him destroy himself further? That kid got issues, and as a friend, a group they had to stick up together right?

He felt more responsible over Cartman than anyone else from this whole fucking town, sometimes he even believed Cartman also shared that same mentality an unhealthy dependency on him for seeking help, get him out from trouble or just checking if he was being paranoid or hallucinating too much again, which he always did.

Kyle knew it was unhealthy what they had, but it was something strong they built. Or maybe it was just he who built it..? Cartman seemed to be doing well with out him..

Maybe he was the one being a little too attached? Which was ridiculous to believe, Cartman has always obsessed over him to point he even questioned if he was definitely a percentage away on being sent to a psycho ward.

Ofcourse that never happened, but he was damn nuts and had the ginger in his mind all 24/7, and he never denied being that way.

Shamelessly admitting he had broke into his room countless times, no boundaries were set between them, they even barge into the bathroom while they were using it. By that point nothing was 'too' embarrassing for them to encounter together. Those layers of privacy were non-existant between the two, for fuck sake he had put a finger up Cartman's ass once! What's more that could up that shit? By that point he could expect Cartman to steal a kiss from him for a scheme of his and he wouldn't bat an eye to it, probably punching him straight in the face for it; but still unbothered.

It's not like he hadn't taken up worse? He's eaten shit from a Japanese man's butthole, had swim and drink pee and was forcefully driven to smell Cartman's farts for the sake of the world. Friends with a literal talking shit, friends with a literal schizophrenic psychopath and having to endure aids for that same stupid bitch. Being turned down from the basketball league because he wasn't a tall black boy, having surgery and yet still had his knees explode mid game, traumatic. Hemorrhoids, a kidney failure, a manbear pig attack, a smug storm.. countless near death experiences.

Yeah, a kiss wouldn't be torturous. Cartman could kiss him, he should kiss him to prove his point.

Maybe he was the one to be mentally fucked up?

Nah, he's fine.

°°°°°

Kyle headed to the bus stop, spotting Stan eating some flaming chips, something odd he'd been noticing of his friend was his binge eating. Ever since Cartman left he had been hogging food everywhere they'd go; when they go play video games, he'd go to the kitchen and look through the fridge grabbing snacks and drinking high sugary beverages like mountain dew or smoothie mixed with coca, at the cafeteria he'd steal some of Butters fries or Kyle's half eaten burger, he even picked a fight with Craig for the last piece of chocolate cake they had there, even while they walked to someplace he'd always had a bar of chocolate in hand or a pack of sweets.

It was starting to be concerning but he hasn't pointed it out to Stan yet atleast until Wendy does, he knew Wendy was already planning on making an intervention for Stan soon, she's asked Kyle beforehand to keep track of what Stan's been eating to give her a list, which is why he notice right away of Stan's problem. Maybe it was a coincidence to link Cartman's absence to it, but who else had a binge eating problem that wasn't fatass?

"Morning dude," He greeted placing himself next to the now chubby kid.

Yes, Stan also have been gaining weight by the excessive food he's been eating. It was barely noticeable for the eye, but for people as close like Kyle, Wendy, Kenny and Butters, it was damn obvious.

"Mornin'," Stan mumbled out, unfazed while munching on some chips, his fingers were all greasy and hand cheeto dust all over.

"Did you see the news?," Kyle asked, looking at the road too uninterested with the small talk.

"You mean how they all we're calling south park a bunch of 'jackin' offing losers'?" He remarked the reporter's comment in exact detail.

Kyle nodded silently, they were really being pounded down to the ground with all the insults directed their way.

"Did you also hear about North Park?," his best friend added now sparking the redhead's attention.

"What is it?," he asked now intrigued.

"It's been up the ranking of wackiness and bizarre they were offered to make a show about it, can you believe it?" Stan commented incredulous.

Kyle was bewildered, no fucking way. Not even south park were offered that privilege while having fatass in town, now.. no, that's too much of a coincidence.

"It's fatass," he blurted out, making Stan look at him surprised.

He slammed the table with his right fist, now inside the meeting being formed that same night, their usual hide out; Cartman's basement, which Kenny helped barge in the locked house even if everything was empty and piled up with dust (with the exception of the table and white board they brought while entering). They were too stubborn to look for another place to meet up in so ofcourse the hide out wouldn't change until the house is actually sold.

He looked up at the group of kids there: Craig's gang, Stan's and ofcourse Wendy's.

"I think we all know why we're here."

Clyde looked concerned to his left, "because.. of the new mermaid movie..?" He winced out uncertain.

"No, fatass! We're not here for some dumb gay fish movie!," he shouted annoyed, huffing as he paced around the room in a typical Cartman manner.

"We're here to get Cartman back," Stan chimed in his seat, a bowl of chocolaty creamy strawberries in hand oblivious eating them while a concerned Wendy looked his way.

"Why?" Craig asked in his typical monotone voice.

"Because, we're nothing with out fatass," He finally blurted out, placing both his hands on the table looking at them directly.

"S-say that again?" Jimmy spoke up more confused than being sarcastic.

"Guys, ever since Cartman left everything has been dulled," He continued, now dragging the white board infront of them taking off the sheet that covered it; revealing their plan strategy, "south park has always had an untold curse to it, we all know about the anomaly and whack shit we've have to endure by living here"

"I always thought it was because of you four," Token commented unfazed.

"Point is," Kyle ignored, looking at the board, "not having Cartman around has abruptly lower our percentage to zero," He pointed with a marker a drawing of Cartman and a field around him signaling the 'curse'.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Annie pointed out.

"No, if we want to be seen as the pussy town of Colorado with no name," He snapped back bitter.

Luckily most of the kids there agreed with him, making him seem less crazy for wanting Cartman back.

"Kyle's right, ever since Eric moved away my parents now ground me because of boredom. They don't even care if I do good in school or not they just nag about moving away to some fart smelling city like New York to get some action again," Butters added grabbing a strawberry from Stan's bowl.

"My dad sent me to Denver the other day for a gallon of milk and asked me about the weather there," Tweek also added to the pile of complaints.

"My parents sold both my sister's bike and my coin collection away and replaced them with a pile of balloon clowns," Craig added now indulge in the subject.

"My parents bought a zoo and have been living inside the gorilla habitat for two weeks," Heidi added a little ashamed as she looked downwards, probably reluctantly admitting Cartman may need to come back to solve her issue.

"My mom has bought over 300 pair of shoes in a week were almost going broke," Nichole hesitantly added.

Wendy sighed as she intertwined her fingers defeated, "My dad has been going nonstop to strip clubs and my mom has been pimping out some male colleagues of hers," she admitted embarrassed, "it's clear south park is going into a crisis."

"And my dad has been up in sales for all the weed he's sold to south park residents," Stan complained chugging five strawberries in his mouth, annoyed, "ever-veryone's hig-gh as fuck like wi-with the tegrity b-burger sales," He mumbled out, slapping Kenny's hand away from his bowl as the blonde looked at him offended.

Butters snickering next to him as he had successfully stolen a strawberry from Stan previously.

"Cartman is like a endless void," Kyle added, now circulating the drawing of Cartman and drawing a pointer down, "with out it, there nothing that can suck all of our shit down," He wrote his points up then signaled a pile of adults destroying the town, "making everthing go into an endless loop of wanting a purpose and still not finding anything while destroying what we have left with ACTUAL consequences. A reset button up Cartman's ass to restart our day, to fix our shit. Pretty much with out it the damages we make today stays, while still being so uncharacteristically damaged were basically nothing.

For some reason Cartman is that damn reset button, he takes the curse with him it just makes sense why we still put up with his shit and he hasn't been sent to jail for all the atrocities he's done. He CAN'T leave south park, everything has to be put to an end with each day, everything has to be back to normal with each common episode. If there's a long continuity it's gonna feel dragged and force it'll become boring like the Mr Garrison election, tegrity farms and the pandemic special so the curse will start to self destruct itself until it ends it.

Technically, we're in a episode with continuity.

And we're dragging it too far, being matter of weeks or days before our town becomes nothing but a running old gag people give zero fucks about, targeting their attention to something new making Cartman's curse merge into the new hole it's in.

In this case; north park," He finished finally circulating a drawing of the town and a North park Cartman on the side.

Everyone kept silent as they were captivated by the long explanation.

"Damn, dude. Have you gotten any sleep?," Craig commented bewildered.

"Does this have something to do with aliens?" Clyde chimed in now freaked out, bitting his finger nails and looking frantically between Kyle and the group.

"That, I don't know," Kyle responded tirelessly, now sighing heavily. It's almost concluding another day with out Cartman, and if his theories are right, it could be dangerous, "we need to manage to go to North park and get Cartman."

"What if Eric doesn't want to get back?" Butters spoke up, now everyone looking at him attentively.

Right, out all of them there, Cartman updates Butters everything that's been going on around his new lifestyle.

"Do you know something Butters?," Kyle inquired skeptical with a glare.

"No.." He dismissively looked Kenny's way before looking at something else, "Eric's really liking North Park that's all," he admitted in almost a whisper, after brief seconds.

°°°°°°

Kyle walked back home with his hands shoved inside his pockets, glaring at the ground beneath him.

Cartman is liking North Park because of his curse not much because he's actually liking it, he tried reasoning with that. But it wasn't still reassuring.

He began slapping the side of his head trying to shoo away any thoughts of Cartman, but he just couldn't stop thinking about him.

'MeooOow' a distressed cat moaned, snapping him out of it; it came behind some bushes near the Steven's residence. He approached cautiously and found a old grey kitty that licked it's paw and hiss at him after noticing his presence.

"Mr kitty?" Kyle blurted out softly unfazed by the aggressive attitude, Cartman had left his cat?

He reached out for her, holding on to her tightly being scratched in the face in the process 'defensive instincts' he thought, wincing out by the stingy pain.

Okay, Cartman would never abandon Mr kitty like that. That's unlike him, if there's something he knew as a fact was that Cartman loved his cat even if he had a hard time admitting it, he'd always made sure his cat was home before midnight and would check if her food was place in her bowl.

Even though he'd angrily complained about the cat craving the food he'd have in hand instead of her cat food, Kyle has seen from time to time how Cartman would cease in the meowing giving food from his plate to Mr kitty. He thought it was disgusting seeing him eat from the same plate as the cat did but never bother commenting it, cause it was an adorable quality of his. Just like when he'd hand feed it letting the cat licked everything off his palm and then later off using that same hand to eat a pile of chicken nuggets with out washing his hands. It was gross for sure, but it was cute.

He winced by the thought of even considering Cartman remotely 'cute', he got home, still a rabid cat in hands. It's liked the cat hated him, but then again... it is Cartman's.

"Hold on there, mister," his mother stopped him before heading upstairs, "what is that?" She pointed at the hissing feline.

Kyle arched a brow, "it's a cat, don't worry I'm just keeping it for a while until a friend comes back from a trip." He explained, hoping that would be enough for his mom to let it go.

"Kyle, don't think I've forgotten about your chessing phase," she remarked, now hands placed on her hips, "is that it? Are you chessing?" She asked worrisome.

"No, ma. I'm serious, this is just my friend's cat," He rolled his eyes, still not believing his mother still thought he chessed once.

She arched a brow skeptical, reluctantly believing his words.

"Okay, bubbie.. but one showing symptom of it and that cat is out," she warned pointedly, as she walked back to the kitchen, "and keep that cat far from your father's office he wouldn't want to step on cat poop," she shouted after.

"Okay, ma," He responded back, running to his room as he shut the door letting the cat out of his arms, as he whined out from the stingy small war wounds (scratches) on his hands and arms somehow her nails got under his jacket sleeves.

Mr kitty hid under his bed as she couldn't escape from the window because it was closed.

He sighed as he approached his drawer and opened a cabinet, which he had a small aid kit. He took out some alcohol and began putting some on the scratches that actually had blood pouring out.

He glance to his side noticing Mr kitty peeking out from his bed but instantly glaring at him in a defensive stance as she growled.

Man, that cat really hated his ass.

Kyle couldn't help but wonder if Cartman could've trained her to hate him, but he then dismissed it as Cartman's wasn't the type to be too hyped on something that had no gained for him. He'll get easily bored by less than an hour, if plausible 20 minutes and 33 seconds to be exact.

He kneeled down and began mimicking Cartman's gay little song he'd use to lure his cat when she'd ran off from home. He had memorized it by the countless times he's heard him sing it out loud to the neighborhood with zero shame.

Singing has been such a Cartman's thing to do, he realized how both mother and son always had a thing to easily communicate by song and he wouldn't be surprised if that cat too was also taught to listen by musical notes.

One of Cartman's perks of singing endlessly since a toddler really brought fruit to his voice, so neighbors nearly complained when he'd sang out for his cat. His voice was marvelous, angelic, the type that'll lure you like a siren to a crew of sailors, a easy way to trick and manipulate people into listening to him or doing what he says. Something he definitely seen Cartman use for his advantage.

Even, as awful it is to admit, he's fallen for his curse various times himself. He'd be caught listening in his window as he'd watch from afar his arch-rival walking through the sidewalk singing to Mr kitty to come back and threatening her lastly to give her the garlic food instead of the tuna which most of the time worked, cause the cat would dash back to her owners arms after listening on not having tuna for dinner.

"Miaw miaw miaw come kitty, come Mr kitty kitty!" he awkwardly sing, as he watched the cat immediately tilted her head interested, "who's a good Mr kitty? Miaw kitty kitty miaw miaw.." he felt his voice cracked after a couple of 'miaws', he wasn't as in tune like Cartman was but he didn't think he was that bad either.

"Miaw miaw miaw miaw~

Kitty kitty kitty

Who's my Mr kitty? I love my kitty kitty~!" He never thought he'd be singing for a cat but there he was, now seeing the cat cautiously walked twoards him.

He carefully extended his hand in a welcoming gesture, expecting the cat to put her paw there but instead she smelled it before nuzzling against his hand with a purr.

Now that's awfully cute, he wasn't much of a cat person he preferred lizards or elephants, but he won't deny Cartman's cat was adorable.

He gently patted her head not knowing how cat owners tended to show their felines affection, he just knew by online critics that cats were evil cold living creatures and would prefer to not be disturb. The last time he's ever grabbed a cat was when he had to hide that damn cat Kenny would use for chessing, and he shoved it in his drawer not really caring much for it. He could've almost forgotten it if his mother didn't caught him with it.

But this one was Cartman's, she was special to him, so he had to make sure she'd be fine while fatass is away. Or Cartman could go all psycho on them if something were to happened to her once he's back.

And he had no plans on dealing with one of those episodes again.

He's learned from what happened to Scott, mitch Connor, 'cupid yee' or 'me' or whatever (he just remembers Stan commented about Cartman's little episode to him while explaining of how things lead the way it did), skank hunt (he wasn't sure to count that one, but Cartman wasn't the same at that time like if he were broken)or the 1% issue, that an emotional Cartman is a reckless 'not to be messed' one.

Cause you really don't know how'd he'd react and take it, which becomes a nerve wrecking roulette. Cartman had limits where once you pass the highest grounds, you're over. You either die, emotionally traumatized/ wound for life or spared (which is unlikely).

He remembered a kid calling him tubby it wasn't a big deal until he took it too far and 'humiliated' Cartman in the assembly. Cartman took it as if the boy was out to get him, which he technically was but his fate was counted.

Both Stan and himself knew he wasn't gonna make it to middle-school.

Surprisingly the boy was given a 'light' punishment being sent to a juvenile prison by a crime he clearly didn't commit but was then executed after three weeks cause a few inmates accused him for slaughtering another in the bathrooms.

Supposedly the aftermath had nothing to do with Cartman but both he and Stan were skeptical about it.

Then there was this other boy that had the balls to smack Cartman's ass in a football game. Yeah, let's say that one didn't last a week after the incident. For what he heard, that boy was given to pigs dismembered in bits and a bullet wound in his head. He remembered how fucked up it was for Cartman to show up to the boy's grieving parents home and gave them his condolences. It's like he gets even more gruesome with his vengeful antics each time he'd snap.

This could count as a 'group' thing but it was mostly Cartman influenced, cause it really messed them up for a period.

A fat old grumpy man almost raped him in a parking lot, it was their darkest secret yet as a group, as a whole.

He remembered that night vividly, they were at a club Butters snuck them in while he worked there, and as they were all vibing and looking at all the hot chicks there Kenny had asked if anyone had a lighter on them Cartman said he had one in his bicycle pouch, so he went out to fetched it, seemed it was more of an excuse to leave as he did notice Cartman seemed uncomfortable being at that place, and second he wouldn't offer to get it for Kenny he would straight up just tell him to go get it himself.

It took a couple of minutes and he recalls how they all started wondering if Cartman had actually ditched them, so they all went looking for him outside.

And for their horror saw Cartman sobbing uncontrollably as some man had him pinned against the hood of a blue Honda, trying to unbottoned his pants as he rubbed his crotch against his. This wasn't as with snooki, it was far worse cause he noticed bruises forming up his throat and face; weakening Cartman before the actual action.

'Holy shit' was the only thing he heard Stan blurt out in shock.

That was the night something in him snapped, and intentionally murder a man.

He remembered how everything became so blurry and slow as Stan anxiously yanked him away from the bloody body while being covered in blood from head to toes, as Kenny yelled saying he'll tell Butters to cover them up with the security footage, while Cartman whimpered and sobbed still panting frantically in the hood.

It was the most saddest shit he's ever seen Cartman been.

They dragged the body to starks pound.

Cartman was a mess, but fuck, he didn't want to ever see a friend be in a situation like that ever again.

They hid behind some cars as a police officer passed by, dragging the body with difficulty even being four boys. The man weighted over 300 pounds and with the added 'dead' weight it worsen it.

Everything seemed so surreal.

Cartman finally spoke after being so zoned out by the whole thing, they tossed the body inside a wooden boat. Took a lighter out from his pocket, the same lighter that was the whole reason they were all there to begin with.

Kenny poured gasoline all over it while puffing his last cigarette, and Cartman lit it up pushing the boat away from the edge with a small kick.

"This will be in grave a secret until we die"

That was Cartman's way of telling him 'thanks' even if it was the most devastating coldly thing he's ever done, Cartman could've use that to blackmail him or even get rid of him for good. But he never told a soul once it was all over, acting like it never happened.

He remembered he had to strip naked to get rid of his clothes and tossed it in the flaming boat, how'd he had to use some clothes from Walmart Stan had went to purchase them while he shaked tremendously by the intensity of the whole thing.

After that, they never spoked of it again and Kenny quit smoking.

°°°°

He hold Mr kitty in his arms, the cat warmed up to him very quickly than he had expected her to be.

She nuzzle with a purr against his chest, he couldn't help but visualize Cartman doing it instead.

His eyes widen, he was going crazy. That's the only explanation he could give to himself with how he was acting.

Yeah, this was bad, they had to get Cartman back for everything to go back to normal again.

He recalls of the agreement of their meeting, how Bebe asked how'd they'd be able to go to north park with out their parents knowing.

They all agreed on leaving that to Stan's gang to get fatass as they were Cartman's friends but Wendy and Craig's gang will handle the shit over in south park tricking their parents into believing Stan's gang went to some force week field trip.

It's not like their parents weren't stupid enough to believe that crap but they needed to ask for permission.

It's not like Kyle hasn't disobeyed any of his parents order anyways, no matter what answer it was, he was still going to north park.

And it's definitely not their first time ever leaving South park for longer than three days.

It was morning and he woke up with an awful smell, Mr kitty pissed all over his bed, fucking gross. He's never seen that cat ever pee in Cartman's home, it'll always meow at the door for Cartman to let her out and do what she has to do or just go to her litter box, that cat did it on purpose! Or maybe he should've just put some newspaper or a box, fucking crap.

He ran to the bathroom, took a shower and put some clothes on.

Taking his pj's and bed sheets to the washing machine, what a nice start to his morning, he thought bitterly.

Once settling his clothes in the washer he went up stairs and grab Mr kitty, and then rushed straight to the kitchen fridge and grab a can of sardines.

He sat in the table and place the tuna as he rested the cat in his lap letting her just reach out for the food herself, not thinking much of how bad it was seen as 'table manners', he felt his mother scowled him from the stove but said nothing, he didn't mind by that point he was already too numb by his mother's scolding he wasn't afraid for another.

Even though, once he started middle-school his mother mellowed down some more; saying kids their age needed space and shit like that. So she began stricter with Ike the youngest and being more free caring from Kyle her eldest son.

Which he was very grateful of to an extent.

All his family were already sitting in the table and eating breakfast, his dad didn't seem to questioned the cat and his brother just arched a brow.

"Is that Eric Cartman's cat?" He asked.

Kyle munched slowly his food as he watched him blankly, "no."

"Oh Ike, don't be silly, Eric Cartman moved a month ago I'm pretty sure they took their cat," His mother spoke reassuring, "stop bothering your brother with too many questions," she warned in a more passive aggressive tone.

Again, he didn't understand his parents, or any of the other adults. Apparently he wasn't the only one of the four that their parents mellowed down with, his friends also commented that once they began middle-school their parents seemed a little loosen around the edge when it came to them.

As if they really didn't want to deal with them.

Kyle gently caressed the cat's furry head 'don't worry Mr kitty will get Cartman back' he thought reassuring while smiling softly.

"So.. mom, dad. There gonna be this trip in like two days and-" he began his rehearsed speech of why he should be let go and how'd it'll be an improvement for his still developing mind.

"It's okay, Kyle. You can go," his father interrupted eager, somewhat anxious.

"But-"

"Really, it's alright buddy, do whatever you want," he reassured not even bothering to ask 'what' or 'when' 'who' and 'why', giving him a awkward thumbs up, his mother nodded agreeing sharing that same enthusiasm.

"Dammit, I wish I were in middle-school," he heard Ike cussed out in a whisper.

He definitely wouldn't, he would contradicted it if he actually wasn't in a rush to go talk to his friends and see how'd it went with them.

"Okay, cool—," he said uncertain, dragging the 'O', now placing the cat in the floor as he picked up his place, "I need someone to take care of mr-" he cut off, as he was about to blurt out the cat's actual name, "Mr poopkins while I'm gone," he finished awkwardly.

His family went silent and both his parents shared a look then looked at Ike.

"Well good thing your brother offered himself to take care of it, right Ike?" His dad then added, forcing a smile.

"Me!?" Ike asked incredulous, looking offended, "I don't want to-" his mother clasped her hand on his mouth preventing him to finish his sentence.

"Don't worry, bubbie, it's alright. Ike would happily take care of Mr poopkins for you," she beamed as Ike frowned by that.

"Cool," Kyle said grinning, ignoring the obvious glaring from his younger brother before heading to get his backpack and head out.

It was convenient for sure but it really made him feel like his parents no longer cared for him.

He shrugged those thoughts away as he went to the bus stop.

"So how'd it go?," He asked immediately once approaching Stan.

"My dad flinched cowardly as if I were about to murder him, dude. And I dunno whats their deal but yeah, they let me go," he shrugged, now chugging a bunch of chips, "can you believe Wendy last night told me I had a binge eating problem?" He continued, now crunching the bag in his hands before tossing it to the ground annoyed, "like, there's always something that bothers her, like 'Dude, chill the fuck out I can't eat some chips because NOW I have a issue?' "

Kyle scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "Well.. you do kinda have a problem Stan," he reluctantly admitted.

Making Stan looked at him baffled, "I do not!," he then looked at the ground as his gestures soften, "do I...?" He asked defeated, more to himself than to his friend.

"Hey dudes," Kenny greeted as he approached them.

"Sup, Ken. How it'd go?" Stan asked now recovering from his emotional internal questioning.

"What you mean?"

"Did you asked your parent about the 'field trip'?" Kyle gripped his backpack now remembering how fatass would just barge in and say his latest stupid fact learned from the internet or some magazine he read.

He's not missing Eric Cartman, okay? He's just missing the familiarity and the casualty of it all.

"As if I needed to ask, my parents don't give a crap. I just left them a couple of joints and three packs of beer that'll keep them out for an entire week," he said disinterested as he took out his phone that was buzzing, "fuck, it's Eric."

Kyle eyes widen as he had predicted the obvious, he gripped harder on his backpack expectantly, maybe even hopeful he could hear his voice?

"Cartman calls you?" He heard Stan ask, but he was so damn far lost in his mind he zoned out a bit.

"His calls are random sometimes, I gotta pick this up man," Kenny answered, putting some earphones on, now walking away a couple of feets apart from them unintentionally making Kyle's heart shrunk and his stomach twist.

Kyle questioned himself why he felt disappointed by that, but he shrugged it off like usual, looking at the blonde who chatted animosity as he walked in circles.

Cartman hasn't called both he and Stan not even once since his move, he couldn't be angry at them for the party right? Or were they just nothing to him?

Fuck, even Butters gets to talk to him more than either of them.

That's a douche move even coming from Cartman.

Kenny walked back to his place now phone back in his pocket.

"So what did he say?" Stan asked.

"He was telling me that he had to go to the doctor yesterday and was told he was developing 'pussy-itis' "

"What's that?" Stan asked genuinely confused.

Kyle rolled his eyes, 'my god that was a Cartman thing to say.'

"He said that it's a disease that spreads to new comers when being exposed for too long, he has like vaginas growing inside his ass and the doctor warned him that he could turn into a giant pussy if he keeps it up," Kenny shrugged, now looking at the road.

That condition actually reminded him of the time Stan got growing vaginas in his face and skin because he had stopped eating meat when they were protesting for the calves safety. It was similar as the time Butters accidentally blurted out that Cartman had sparkly cleaned vaginas in his stomach because of the huge amount of vasagsil he ingested as a kid.

And as much as he hated how fucking bizarre and impossible it is for that to happen, he couldn't deny actually witnessing and be proven wrong countless times that it WAS possible. So it wasn't unbelievable to believe Cartman got diagnosed with yet another odd condition.

"Okay, so technically Cartman wants to come back now, right?" Kyle inquired, subtly leaning forward.

"No, he was given medication so he's now 'skwel'," he made a similar impression of Cartman, "he also said to tell Stan about the uh.. something about a— gnome in the cooler or some shit like that? I didn't understand well cause he cut off immediately after that," Kenny shaked his head in disapproval.

Stan flinched, eyes wide and a blank expression adorned his face immediately knowing what Cartman meant, "HOLY SHIT," he exclaimed bewildered before running off without further explanation, leaving both friends confused ass hell.

Kyle looked at Kenny expecting more from that call, but he didn't add anything else. He frowned looking at the ground still gripping his backpack while bitting his lip.

Kenny gasped as he had forgotten something making Kyle flinched in surprise.

"Cartman said 'up your ass, jew' when I told him you called him a pretentious north park bitch," he remarked casually before looking at the school bus stopping infront of them.

Oblivious of a now beaming Kyle, both entering the bus picking a seat behind Butters.

Kyle didn't know why, but he jolted excited stomach feeling all twisted and his heart pounded loudly he could hear it inside his ears.

°°°°

"I haven't told them yet," Butters said as he rubbed his knuckles, heading to class.

"Dude, why not? We're leaving in two days, man," Kenny spoke while holding on to a notebook.

"They're not gonna let me go you guys," He admitted unfazed.

"Okay, so you're planning on sneaking out," Kyle added.

"I'm not sure.." the boy hesitated saying, looking at some flyer.

"You're Eric's best friend and your telling me you're NOT going to go get him?" Kenny inquired, kinda spiteful, "it's not like you haven't sneak out before and for Eric of all people too!

Like, your stupid schemes required a little disobedience from your part to handle all the shit Cartman gives you.

You're Eric fucking Cartman's best friend! It's pretty much not even a choice to not be a little shit head, stop being such a pussy," he blurted out, extending his arms up in the air for emphasis.

"NO, Kenny. I'm NOT Eric's best friend-" he pointed accusatory at the blondes chest, poking it hard, "YOU ARE, so quit your yapping!," he shouted annoyed, causing Kenny to frowned from the tone use.

God, those two have been up their necks since Cartman left, and Kyle couldn't point out why.

Kyle stood there awkwardly as he watch the two bark back at each other like two hounds with no leash, spitting venom and acidic slurs at each other.

'They should shut up already and go make out somewhere else, fuck' he thought annoyingly tired by the dragged banter.

Oblivious of the irony of his own thoughts.

Not wanting for them to escalate any further he stood between them, like a peacemaker.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!" he threatened, pointing at the pissed off blonde.

Butters sighed contemplating it, grumbled a 'why should I choose?' As he kicked lightly the ground.

"Or do you have something you're hiding from us, Butters?" Kenny inquired suspiciously, tilting his head.

Butters clenched his fist, fuming, "fuck you!" He screamed out, pushing Kyle to the side before lounging at Kenny starting a fist fight in the hall, now everyone gathering up around them.

Kenny slammed his notebook hard against Butters face while Butters pushed Kenny against the lockers.

'This was some serious shit,' Kyle thought before taking out his phone and recording the fight for later on send it to Stan.

Prev — Next

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 1

Episode 21: Kid Grounded

~Downtown Swellview~

Police and fire rescue sirens were wailing in the air, as the emergency services scrambled to the scene where Captain Man and Kid Danger were working. Ray walked over to the manhole where Henry was currently struggling with a sewer full of babies. 

"Hey! I got another one!" The boy yelled to his boss, lifting a newborn baby from the sewer and passing it into Ray's arms. 

"Aw! What a cute baby. Aw, aren't you a cute little guy?" Ray cooed at the crying infant, his heart swelling at the sight of its starfish hands and chubby legs. He was at the age where he was starting to get broody for his own family and he couldn't help but melt when the baby kicked in his arms.

"Here." He quickly passed the child to a paramedic, worried that his actions were making him seem soft. 

"Man, how many babies did she have down there?" Ray asked Henry, knowing that the kid had been there for a while.

"I'm not sure, I'll check for more. Hello, are there any more babies down here?" Kid Danger ducked into the sewer again, shouting to see if any would cry in response. Whilst he was searching, Ray glanced up and saw the mother of the babies sitting on a drum barrel and munching on a large block of cheese.

"Ma'am, can I talk with you?" The superhero asked the woman politely in his Captain Man voice.

"What?" The mother groaned in an agitated tone, clearly enjoying her cheese too much to like being interrupted.

"Could you stop eating the cheese for a minute?" Ray replied in an annoyed voice. This woman had endangered her newborn children and he wasn't going to let that slide.

"Did you really think it was a good idea to crawl down into a sewer to give birth?" He asked once she had stopped eating. 

"That how we do it where I come from." The woman snapped, wiping her cheesy, greasy fingers on her grubby shirt. 

"Well, where do you come from?" Ray asked confusedly, having not heard of that tradition anywhere.

"The sewer!" She shouted in his face, as Henry emerged from the manhole again.

"Okay, I think this is the last baby." He announced, lifting another bundle of joy in his arms. He passed the baby to another paramedic as Ray knelt down beside the hole.

"Hey, kid, why don't you knock off and go home?" Ray told him, thinking that his sidekick had down more than enough for one night.

"You sure?" Henry asked, not wanting to leave his boss to fight alone.

"Yeah, it's already past midnight and you got school in the morning." The large man acknowledged that Henry had responsibilities the next day as they both stood up and moved away from the sewer.

"Oh! I think I'm having me another baby!" The sewer woman groaned, bending over and panting. How many more kids could come out of her?

"Oh, no," Ray said, as the woman scrambled to the manhole.

"Another one?" Henry wasn't sure if he could handle another sewer birth.

"I got to get back in that sewer!" The mother cried, only for the superhero duo to hold her back. The other people on the scene looked on in confusion as Captain Man and Kid Danger wrestled with a pregnant lady trying to get in a sewer.

~Later~

Henry climbed up the tree in his backyard up to his bedroom window. It had been a very long night, full of birthing and crying and sewage, and he was just looking forward to collapsing into bed. Stepping through the window, he looked around the darkness in his room before tiptoeing to his closet. He shrugged off his jacket and opened the door, only for him to be scared half to death by Piper.

"AHHH!" She yelled at him as he opened the closet, making the kid fall on the floor in fright and shock.

"Why would you do that!?" He shouted at his little sister, getting up from the floor when he realised it wasn't a closet monster.

"Where have you been and why are you sneaking into your room at...one in the morning?" Piper interrogated him, checking the late hour on her phone.

"Because...I was out...moon-bathing." Henry lied, not knowing what else to say. 

"Moon bathing?" Piper asked rhetorically, not buying the lie at all.

"Yeah...check out my moon tan." Henry rubbed his belly for extra effect, but his sister was too cunning to let something like this go.

"I'm telling mom and dad you snuck out." She smirked at him, knowing that if she did, her brother would be in serious trouble.

"Fine. Tell them." Henry looked away and pretended like Piper hadn't affected him.

"I will." The little girl nodded and headed for the door so she could go to her parent's room.

"No, please don't tell 'em! Come on, I'm a nice brother and you're so sweet and cute. You don't want to get me in trouble." The boy whined, hoping flattery would win her over. All he wanted to do was sleep, but the girl wouldn't give up that easily.

"Please? Promise me?" He begged her.

"All right, I promise." She said solemnly, inwardly smirking.

~The next morning at breakfast~

The Hart family were sat around the kitchen table, all tucking into and enjoying their breakfasts. It was all going well until...

"Henry snuck out of his room last night and didn't sneak back in until one in the morning." Piper snitched on her brother. Obviously, it was a massive mistake to trust that she'd keep her word. Mr and Mrs Hart gasped in disgust at their son's behaviour as Henry dropped his cutlery on his plate and stared at Piper. Oh boy, he was in trouble.

"Well, last Saturday night while you guys were out, Piper and her friend, Marla, watched French Basement," Henry revealed. Two could play at the grassing game. The little girl looked guiltily at her parents as they scowled at her.

"Piper. That movie is rated R." Mrs Hart said in a serious tone.

"You know you're not allowed to watch R-rated movies." Mr Hart scolded his daughter, who didn't see the big deal.

"Come on, I didn't hear anything I hadn't heard before." She sassed back, but her mom wasn't impressed with either of her children's actions.

"Well, guess what? You're both grounded for two weeks." Mrs Hart told them in a harsh tone, frowning at how they had let her and her husband down.

"Boom!" Mr Hart said as Henry and Piper groaned.

"Oh, come one." The children began to yell about how unfair the setup was, but Dad wasn't going to give up.

"I said, boom!" He reiterated, laying down the law. The siblings glared at each other, knowing that this was going to be a long two weeks.

~The Man Cave~

Ray and (y/n) were both reading on the couch, sprawled out comfortably as they lounged around. The woman was highly invested in one of her favourite cheesy romance novels, one where the guy and girl were so hopelessly in love that they were blind to how much they cared for one another. Go figure. 

"God, I wish these two would just kiss." (y/n) mumbled, drawing Ray's attention away from 'The Art of making moving pictures, by Dickie Poop'. 

"Why do you read them if they annoy you?" He chuckled, his heart fluttering at how cute she looked when she screwed up her nose.

"Because things like this never happen in real life. No one is this oblivious." She replied, leaning her head on his bicep and sticking her nose back in her book. Neither of them realised how ironic the situation was.

The secret door behind the supercomputer opened and Schwoz came out holding a flower pot.

"Hey, guys." He smirked, walking towards the two as they looked up from their books.

"What is it, Schwoz?" The young woman questioned, not liking it when someone interrupted her reading, especially when she was so close to the good bit.

"Sniff this flower." The genius smirked and put the pot on the back of the couch so his superhero boss could smell it.

"All right." Ray closed his book and shifted along the couch so he could do as he asked. (y/n) watched on in apprehension, something about the glint in Schwoz's eyes made her suspicious that he had a trick up his sleeve.

"Mmmm. Smells nice." Ray smiled as he sniffed the flower, enjoying how its scent reminded him of a certain girl's shampoo.

"What is that daffodil---" Ray was cut off as the yellow flower exploded in his face, the sudden noise causing him and (y/n) to recoil in shock. Schwoz laughed as the pair stood up from the couch in alarm, Ray making sure his best friend was safely behind his indestructible body.

"Dang dangit, Schwoz!" Ray yelled at his assistant, annoyed at how his face was covered in soot and how the young woman behind him was quivering with fear. Loud noises really didn't go well with her nervous personality. 

"You got problems!" He told him, cradling (y/n) in his arms as Schwoz laughed like a hyena. The woman breathed deeply as her racing heart slowed down. 

"Do that again, and I will kill you." She said in a dark tone, Ray pulling her down to sit on the couch. She snuggled into his side as the elevator opened and Charlotte came into the Man Cave.

"Smells like something blew up in here." She commented, the odour of explosives still have in the air. Ray opened his book and his best friend scanned the words on the page. It wasn't her kind of reading material, but she didn't want to risk him moving away from her, so she just stayed silent and let her eyes focus on Charlotte. Schwoz was cackling at how annoyed Ray looked; all he wanted to do was read his book with his favourite girl by his side.

"You're a sick person." The large man told the genius, not amused by the situation or how Schwoz was finding entertainment by scaring the living daylights out of people. 

"That's Henry, he wants to hologram chat," Charlotte noted, hearing a beeping coming from the supercomputer.

"And we're up again." (y/n) said, trudging to the computer with Ray. The large man pressed the button on the edge of the control panel and a little holographic Henry appeared in front of them.

"Hey, Henry, what's up?" Ray said, irritated that people kept disturbing his time with (y/n). It's not like he always had time to just be with her, so when he managed to find some, it endlessly annoyed him when it wasn't just the two of them.

"Bad news. I can't come to work for the next two weeks." The boy said, hoping his boss wouldn't be too mad.

"Okay," Ray said, his eerily calm voice confusing everyone else.

"I'm really sorry, but I got grounded and my parents are only letting me go to school. That's it." Henry told him, making (y/n) and Charlotte frown. Ray relied upon his sidekick extensively, who would help him if he couldn't be there?

"I volunteer to be your sidekick!" Schwoz offered excitedly. He'd always fancied being a superhero, now he had a chance.

"No," Ray replied firmly. 'Super Schwoz' was the last thing he needed by his side as he fought crime.

"Come on. We could be Captain Man and Schwozzam!" The little guy pleaded his silly hero name making (y/n) giggle.

"Gross." The actual superhero frowned even more. Having Schwoz by his side would definitely ruin his image and reputation. The genius growled in defeat, knowing that his attempts to convince Ray would always be fruitless.

"I'm sorry, kid, what were we talking about?" Ray focused on his sidekick again. His mind was swimming from the explosion and having Schwoz whine in his ear, not to mention how intoxicating (y/n)'s perfume was as they snuggled on the couch. 

"I was telling you that I'm grounded, so I can't be your sidekick for two weeks." Henry reiterated his story.

"Oh, yeah, bummer. I had an important job for you today." Ray told the boy, causing him to smile at the thought of being given an important responsibility.

"There's this new barbecue place downtown, I was going to get you to pick me up up a slab of ribs." The man admitted, making (y/n) slap his bicep in annoyance.

"Raymond! Ignore him Hen, you're very important and appreciated around here." The woman said, glaring at Ray and his inconsiderate attitude.

"I'll order some ribs and have them delivered." Charlotte offered. (y/n) groaned inwardly, knowing that by offering to get them for him, the girl was unknowingly contributing to his sometimes ignorant personality.

"Cool. Later, Henry." Ray went to end the call, but his sidekick wasn't finished.

"But...but who's going to help you fight crime while I'm grounded?" Henry asked, baffled and hurt that his boss was so dismissive of him. 

"I can handle things." The man told him, thinking that Captain Man could control the situation.

"Ray, you want beef ribs or pork ribs?" Charlotte piped up, showing him the different options that the restaurant had.

"Uh, pork. Henry, I got to go." Ray said, (y/n) folding her arms from how he was treating the poor kid. 

"Bye, Henry!" Charlotte said cheerfully and the hologram fizzled out when Ray pressed the button.

"You know, you got a sidekick in the first place because you couldn't handle it. I distinctly remembering you whining to me every night, in fact." (y/n) said to Ray, as the man sat down to wait for his ribs. He looked at her body language; folded arms, hard stare, mindlessly tapping fingers on her upper arm, yeah, she was annoyed with him.

"I don't whine." He said meekly, not enjoying how her bad mood was focused on him.

"You whine. And you contradict yourself." She stated, refusing to sit down with him as she felt she had a point to make. She saw how hurt Henry was as Ray left him out of eating ribs, and she knew what it felt like to be shoved aside by him for someone else.

"Come on, he's grounded," Ray replied, but his excuse didn't cut it.

"You didn't have to be all 'Oooo, ribs, ribs, I want ribs. Bye, Henry, I don't care about you, just ribs!'" She made her voice high-pitched and acted out how Ray turned down Henry's call in favour of getting some stupid ribs.

"Just come and eat with us." Ray sighed, wanting her to snuggle into his side as she did earlier before all this kicked off. Schwoz and Charlotte watched awkwardly, feeling like two kids in between their parents' argument.

"I'm not hungry." She replied, walking away from her friends to go to her bedroom. She felt a little silly like she had overreacted and cut off her nose to spite her face, but she knew she was in too deep now to turn around and admit that she wanted ribs too. Her stubbornness wouldn't let up until she had mulled over her words for an hour or two and then she'd crawl out from her bed and give Ray a teary-eyed apology. And he always accepted it graciously, because he felt just as remorseful as she did and he hated it when they fought, it meant he couldn't hug her or laugh with her.

"Shit..." Ray mumbled under his breath, rubbing his face with his hands. Schwoz could see that both of them were just highly strung from the last few nights of little to no sleep and the unspoken love between them. It was fiery and passionate, locked up and never acted upon, so occasionally their feelings would burst out in spurts of fleeting anger.

"She will calm down in an hour, she always does." He told Ray gently, having experienced their little arguments countless times before.

"Yeah..." The larger man said, hoping that this would be like all the other times, and everything would be just fine.

~2 days later, Henry's house~

Henry had been bored out of his mind all day. Being grounded was really tough, but his parents had offered him and Piper a deal that made it even harder. They had been fed up with the siblings' constant bickering and they knew that they couldn't put up with it for two whole weeks, so they offered them an alternative. If Piper and Henry could stop fighting for one day, they would be free to do anything they liked. Simple, right? 

Henry thought it would be, but Piper was just so infuriating at times, so the whole day had been an uphill battle. She had even cut his phone charger's cable to spite him, leaving them both with no means to power their devices.

"Just four more hours. Just four more hours." He chanted to himself, knowing that soon, all his pain would be over and he'd be allowed to see his friends and to work again. He was interrupted as Charlotte unexpectedly tapped on his window, making him jump from the sudden noise.

"Ahhh!" He looked at the unapologetic girl before climbing up his steps to open the window for her. 

"Hi." Charlotte smiled at him, scrambling into his room with a white paper sack in his hand.

"Hey, what's up?" He said as they went back down the steps. He hadn't been expecting company.

"Well, since you're grounded, I thought I'd bring you a little surprise." She grinned mischievously, ready to see his happy face when she showed him what she had brought.

"From Yotally Toghurt?" He smiled at her in thanks as he took the bag from her hand.

"Mmm-hmm." Charlotte took a seat on the stairs and looked on as he dug around for the dessert.

"Aw, yeah. Fudge Blast. Thanks, Char." He grinned, grateful that she remembered her favourite flavour.

"So, what's going on at work?" He asked, sitting on his bed so he could dig into his yoghurt.

"Oh, you know...I've been going through Ray's email, I did some research on a few criminals, I helped Schwoz fix some machines..." She thought back to what she had done over the past few days.

"Shouldn't (y/n) help him with that?" Henry said through a mouthful of yoghurt.

"Yeah, but they had a fight again a couple days ago." She told him, rolling her eyes at how sulky they had been yesterday.

"Again? All they ever do is cuddle and argue." Henry said, picking out a piece of fudge from his cup and popping it into his mouth.

"I know right. They apologised to each other this morning, crying and hugging and ugh..." Charlotte shivered as she recalled their lovey-dovey make-up. (y/n) had trudged out from her room with a pouty face and had hugged Ray's back, apologising for being mean. He was surprised at the sudden touch, but he soon relaxed when he felt the little body behind him. After about five minutes of tears and embraces, the two fell back into their normal routine; Ray Manchester and (y/n) (y/l/n) against the world.

"Good. They should just admit their feelings for each other." Henry said and his friend wholeheartedly agreed.

"Yeah, totally." She nodded, thinking that life would be so much better if her bosses could just be honest with each other.

"Anything else?" Henry asked, enjoying their little catchup. It had been a lonely couple of days for him.

"Oh, and I went on patrol with Ray," Charlotte said like it was no big deal, reaching for the empty bag.

"You went where?" The boy mumbled with his spoon still in his mouth.

"On patrol. You know how sometimes Ray just...cruises around in the man-copter making sure the city's okay." She explained, but it didn't make Henry feel any better. If anything, it made the whole thing worse.

"You went up with Ray in the man-copter?" He reiterated, getting the sense that he'd been betrayed for someone else.

"Yeah." Charlotte frowned, not understanding why he was getting so upset.

"That's my job." He told her, angry that she had gone in his place.

"I know--" She tried to say, but the other teen was too upset to be reasonable.

"I'm Kid Danger!" He gestured to himself.

"I realise that." The girl replied, trying to stay on his good side.

"Wow." Henry gasped to himself.

"What?"

"Wow!"

"What?!"

"I just never thought you'd try to steal my job." He sat down on his ottoman and pointed at her with an accusing tone.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there, munchy. Ray asked me to go patrol since he wouldn't let (y/n) go. And come on, you really think I'd try and replace you as Kid Danger?" She looked at him intently, shocked that he'd think of her as some sort of job thief.

"Nah, you're right," Henry said, stirring his chocolatey yoghurt.

"Thank you." The girl went to sit back down, but Henry wasn't finished.

"I could never be replaced by a girl." He commented, infuriating Charlotte. She stood up and marched in front of him.

"What?" He said, not getting why she looked so mad.

"A girl?" She repeated, furious that her friend thought that girls weren't equal to boys.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant young woman." Henry apologised, but not for the right thing.

"Same thing!" Charlotte snapped. It was her turn to be mad.

"What's wrong? I was just saying that---" Henry's excuse was cut off by Charlotte unleashing her fury.

"Say bye-bye to your Fudge Blast." She said, grabbing the cup from his hands and chucking it out of the open window, much to Henry's sadness.

"Later." She added godly, not sticking around to talk with someone who limited her by her gender.

"Wait, don't just leave," Henry whined. He'd been alone for two days, he didn't want to be alone again. 

"You know, I wasn't trying to take your job before, but maybe now I will." She told him in a harsh voice, crawling back through the window.

"Charlotte! Aw, that squirrel's eating my Fudge Blast." Henry groaned, sad that he'd lost both his yoghurt and his friend. 

~The Man Cave~

Ray popped a gumball as he prepared to head out to an emergency. Schwoz and (y/n) pulled up the information on the supercomputer's monitor, showing that he was dealing with an illegal pig farm. It seemed like Captain Man got to do all the fun things the police couldn't be bothered to deal with. Charlotte stumbled out of the elevator, her argument with Henry still fresh in her mind and she felt ready to kick some ass.

"Okay, nobody say anything to upset me." She said, walking briskly into the Man Cave.

"I don't have time to upset you," Ray said, throwing a piece of gum into his mouth.

"Uh-oh, what's wrong?" Charlotte questioned, knowing that his serious voice meant that something was going down. 

"There's an illegal pig farm on the south side of town," Schwoz reported, glaring at the thought of whichever sicko was operating it.

"Illegal?" The teen repeated, could pig farms be illegal?

"Yep. There's a very bad pig farmer out there." (y/n) commented, tapping her screen.

"And I'm going to make sure he goes wee, wee, wee all the way to jail." Ray quipped, making (y/n) laugh. No one could say 'wee, wee, wee' without sounding hilarious, not even Captain Man.

"I'll go with you," Charlotte told him, ready to prove that she could be an equally good superhero as Henry, if not a better one.

"No, Charlotte, this is not just a routine patrol, this is a real crime situation and it could be dangerous," Ray said firmly.

"I get it. Let me fill in as your sidekick." She insisted, but Ray wasn't convinced.

"You can't be my sidekick. You're a---" His words caught the attention of (y/n), who frowned at him just as deeply as Charlotte.

"I'm a what?" The younger girl growled as the young woman strolled to her side, glaring at Ray.

"If you're about to say what I think you're about to say, I'm packing my bags and leaving." (y/n) said in an emotionless voice. Everyday sexism wasn't something she endorsed, especially in her friends and colleagues.

"You're...coming with me." Ray gulped, the notion of her leaving scaring him senseless. Schwoz looked at him with an annoyed face. What did Charlotte have that he didn't? 

"Good boy. Schwoz, give her Henry's backup gumball tube." (y/n) instructed the little guy, not seeing how her pet name made Ray blush. 'That's new...' He inwardly groaned.

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe I'm not qualified to give gum to people." Schwoz said petulantly and crossed his arms in a tantrum.

"Give her the gum!" Ray yelled, thinking that if Charlotte didn't go with him, he'd lose the thing he cherished the most.

"Doh." Schwoz stamped his foot and went to the cabinet where it was kept. Ray snatched it out of his hand and passed it to Charlotte. 

"Bubble time." He said to her, and they both blew the gum until they transformed into Captain Man and the temporary Kid Danger.

"Huh," Ray said, thinking that she looked pretty good as his sidekick.

"Let's go!" She said, not wasting any time in running to the tubes.

"Wait for me!" Ray was caught off guard by her swiftness but soon caught up to her. (y/n) and Schwoz watched with calculating eyes.

"Up the tube!" They both yelled, shooting off and out of the building.

"I would be a great sidekick," Schwoz muttered to himself.

"Yeah, yeah." (y/n) said, plonking herself down on the couch as Schwoz got them both a soda.

"What do you think of sidekick Charlotte?" He asked the young woman, putting her can in front of her. She looked thoughtful for a minute, taking her time to search for her own opinion.

"I don't know, I've got a funny feeling that Henry isn't going to like it." She replied, wondering how Henry would take it when he found out that Ray had taken his best friend instead of him.

~2 hours later~

Schwoz was spreading plastic sheets out all over the Man Cave, as per (y/n)'s instructions. About fifteen minutes beforehand, she had received a message from Ray saying that the pig farm was covered in mud and...you know what. So, using her inference that they'd be filthy, she had scrambled to cover as many surfaces as she could.

"I'm not having pig crap all over my floors! I spent all day cleaning in here the other day, I'm not having them ruin it!" She yelled at Schwoz, who complied obediently since he knew how she liked things clean and tidy. It was just easier this way. The two adults were interrupted as Henry came down in the elevator; he must have succeeded at being nice with Piper.

"I'm back! I'm not grounded anymore!" He announced happily, walking into the bright room.

"Hello, Henry." Schwoz greeted him, as (y/n) wheeled out her cleaning trolley. If so much as one speck of dirt landed on the floor or walls, she was going to be there with a cloth and a bottle of bleach.

"Where's Ray?" Henry asked her, not seeing the man anywhere. If he wasn't with her then he must have been out.

"He went to capture a bad pig farmer with Charlotte." Schwoz scoffed, making (y/n) smirk when the two males scowled.

"Oh, I knew it! Dang dangit!" Henry whined, pushing a box of her cleaning products on the floor, much to the woman's anger. 

"HENRY HART! HOW COULD YOU?" She screeched when he kicked some of the spare sheets on the floor. She was working hard to prevent the Man Cave from becoming filthy, and here he was throwing tantrums like a child.

"Do you know when they're going to be back?" Henry asked Schwoz as the woman dashed about to pick up her various brushes, rags and detergents.

"Yeah, any minute," Schwoz said, feeling on edge around the tetchy boy.

"Which is why we need to get this place covered!" (y/n) growled at them, annoyed at how much time they'd wasted.

"Why'd you put down a tarp?" Henry asked, not understanding why the young woman was in one of her cleaning frenzies.

"Ray called us and he told us to put down a tarp. Apparently, this is all I'm good for." The genius complained.

"You won't be good for anything if you don't help me." (y/n) sassed, as the tubes beeped and came down. 'Oh god, they're back already? This place isn't ready!' She groaned in her mind, getting ready to beat back the filthy heroes with a hosepipe and a bar of soap.

Ray came down the tube, perfectly clean, just like he had gone out, which really confused his best friend. Why did he warn her about the mess they were bringing home if he was clean?

"Henry! You're back!" Ray smiled at the kid when he noticed his presence, so he walked down the steps to speak with him.

"Where's your new sidekick?" The boy said in a mocking voice.

"Oh, you mean Charlotte? She'll be down in a sec, she was amazing today!" He giggled, making Henry's jealousy even worse.

"Oooh, I bet." He sneered, but (y/n) still had her cleaning products in hand and she wanted answers.

"Hey, doofus. You told me to be ready with soap and hot water. What gives?" She asked him, feeling like an idiot since there was no mess to clean.

"So get this, we're trying to capture this illegal pig farmer, but he sees us coming so he takes off running. I was going to zap him, but I was worried I might hit one of the pigs by mistake." Ray started his story, intriguing those listening.

"Yeah, we don't want anything and to happen to a pig," Schwoz commented as he ate one of the leftover ribs that had been put in the fridge.

"So, Charlotte, she jumps on the big pig and starts riding after the farmer." Ray laughed as he imitated how Charlotte galloped on the pig's back.

"And then?" (y/n) wanted to hear the big finale.

"Then she catches up to him, then she jumps off and tackles the guy right in the middle of a pigpen." He found the notion hilarious, so Henry and (y/n) turned around as the girl came down in the tube and boy, she had had a rough day. Now, (y/n) could see why they needed the tarp. Poor Charlotte was covered from head to toe, in a mixture of mud and pig poop.

"Ooooh." Everyone groaned at the smell and covered their noses.

"Now, I know why I know why you wanted the tarp." The young woman said to her best friend in a strained voice, her eyes watering from the stench. Charlotte came over to them, her shoes squishing and squelching with every step.

"No! Not on my floors!" (y/n) whined at her, but the younger girl just didn't have it in her to care. Henry took a tissue from the cleaning trolley and passed it to his friend.

"Here's a tissue." He said, wiping her shoulder bit, but it didn't make any difference.

"That's not helping!" She yelled, more than annoyed from how crappy her day had been. 

"Oooh, why are you so mad?" Schwoz teased her, even though it probably wasn't a good idea to poke the bear.

"It's just a little pig slop!" Ray chuckled, which died out as (y/n) turned around to glower at him.

"I mean, pigs are very...clean animals and you like clean." He tried to make her feel better about having to clean up the mess, but she wasn't amused.

"They live in a sty, hence the term, pigsty. And now I'm going to be cleaning up shit all night!" She groaned, letting her head dropped against his shoulder. Seeing she was tired, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into a side hug.

"I'm not mad about the pig sh--slop." Charlotte piped up, not letting the adults hear her swear. 

"I'm mad because a friend of mine called me a job stealer, and he said I couldn't be a sidekick because I'm a girl." She carried on, (y/n) feeling her annoyance at how Henry had been rude and unfair to her.

"I changed it to young woman." He said sheepishly.

"Same thing!" (y/n) interjected, not letting him get away with being offensive.

"Charlotte was not trying to steal your job," Ray told her, his warmth soothing his friend's temper.

"I was." Schwoz was afraid to confess that, he really wanted to be a cool crime fighter.

"Yeah, he was trying so hard." (y/n) added, enjoying how she could feel Ray's muscles tensing around her, even if it meant she had to put up with the gadgets on his utility belt digging into her hip a little.

"Well, I guess...since you rode a large pig and tackled a farmer...I guess you can do my job." Henry conceded, knowing that she had done a great job.

"Thanks. But I don't wanna do your job." Charlotte said, having had more than enough action for one day.

"You don't?" The boy asked, he thought being a superhero's sidekick was the best job in the world.

"No. I don't wanna be running around after bad guys and evil criminals, fighting, and getting all disgusting." She replied, feeling icky and achy in her costume. 

"I'll do it!" A foreign voice piped up.

"Schwoz!" Henry scolded him, wanting to hear Charlotte say her piece.

"Am I going to have to turn you over my knee?" Ray threatened, showing the back of his hand to Schwoz.

"No, no spanky!" The little guy squeaked, his hands covering his butt. (y/n) frowned at their interaction, both from Schwoz's reaction and the idea of Ray spanking someone. 'Filth, filth, filth.' She mentally slapped herself.

"So...forgive me?" Henry asked Charlotte tentatively.

"I will...after we hug." She said deviously, smirking when Henry's face paled at her request.

"Oh, no, no, no, please don't." He squealed as she wrapped her sticky and smelly arms around him.

"Yeah, that's my baby. That's nice." She joked, making sure to get a sufficient amount of sludge on him. (y/n) snapped a quick picture on her PearPhone as the adults smiled at the funnily cute moment. Henry pulled back and looked down at his shirt in disgust.

"I'll be in the shower," Charlotte said, waddling off to the sprocket, but (y/n) stopped her before she could leave.

"Put those clothes in here and I'll put them in the incinerator." She held out a garbage bag to the girl, who took it gratefully and squelched off to the showers. Henry turned around and noticed that she and Schwoz had their phones out.

"We're just texting." The little guy lied, but he gave the game away when his camera flashed.

"Please, spank him," Henry said to Ray, so the man started to chase the smaller man around the hideout.

"No, no, no!" Schwoz yelled as (y/n) and Henry giggled at how silly they looked. There was never a dull moment in the Man Cave.

"You should go shower too." The woman said to the kid, giving him a trash bag too.

"Yeah, but after we watch this." He said, laughing as Ray struggled to hit the agile Schwoz.

"Oh yeah, it would be a crime to miss this." She joked, glad that her life was filled with joy and mischief.

[burning-thistles-bt]

Lightningships... isn't it ironic the ArospecAce has the most partners/confirmed crushes/volatile love life? something something yearning for what you can't have

Obviously this isn't Lightningfur's first pride so you guys know the drill here, she's Aromantic-spectrum (disinclined towards romantic feelings but not incapable of feeling them to some capacity, often tilted towards a demiromantic way where she must be close to the cat first, but then she also only feels it sparsely/not strongly/not continuously), Asexual (feels no sexual attraction/lust, strongly sex-repulsed), and Lesbian (only experiences attraction towards feminine-presenting people)!

BT Mild-to-Semi-Major Spoilers Below (depends on how well you theorize)

SilverLightning - ohhh the yearning and the can't-having! First of all, they're besties <3 a tale I've told a hundred times, Lightningfur isn't even aware she has any kind of crush on Silverstream and Silverstream is tragically Straight. And that's completely true - Silverstream holds no romantic feelings for Lightningfur. Her heart never does a little flip for Lightningfur and she never looks at her and thinks "wow, she's kind of pretty..." That being said, Lightningfur is her Fucking Bestie. And, well, okay, actually, that's Lightningfur. You don't mess with Lightningfur's bestie. Lightningfur is a very possessive person who wants everything that's "hers" to stay hers. She's self-centered in that way, but Silverstream is a more "carefree" kind of self-centered. The world resolves around her, and Lightningfur is just another planet in her orbit... She cares a lot about Lightningfur, but it's not until certain events occur that Silverstream begins to realize she's not the world... and that Lightningfur is the only one who ever believed her to be. Who knows, maybe they'll both get their happy ever afterlife...

SedgeLightning - we all know this story too, Sedgecreek is blindly head over heels for Lightningfur for... some reason. Needless to say, the recent killing of Spottedleaf has definitely shaken Sedgecreek, but she still holds out hope because it was "just an accident..." Though, how long that hope will last stands to be seen... Sedgecreek's crush on Lightningfur was not entirely unreciprocated - Lightningfur, at her weakest after Silverstream's death, was certainly yearning for some kind of comfort, even if she would never ever admit it. While it wasn't necessarily a crush to the degree she had on Silverstream or will have on Fury, there was definitely a kind of "give me attention, please love me" to her, even as she said and did the exact opposite. A little "what if...?" perhaps, that Lightningfur never let herself think long about because, ew, Sedgecreek is annoying, and also, she totally definitely doesn't want a mate. Which is/was true, until Silverstream died, and she had an eternal epiphany that she mentally blocked out (because Silverstream was basically hers and now she's alone).

FuriousLightning - FURY AND LIGHTNINGFUR!!! THE SHIP EVER!!!! Ahahahahaha, I'm so obsessed with them. Okay, let's start here: Lightningfur is at the end of her rope. No, actually, the ropes been fucking burned, and she's lost and hopeless and going crazy. And here's Fury, flirting with her. Lightningfur doesn't know what the fuck Fury is doing, but she does know she loves how crazy Fury is. How blood-thirsty she is and how powerful and loud and angry. Fury is the first cat who truly matches her skill and drive, and Lightningfur is already enjoying the company of such a strong murderer (at this point, not in a romantic way, it's just admirance/desire for friendship). Fury, meanwhile, sees Lightningfur's similar bloodlust and lack of fear or cowardship, and is immediately intrigued. Fury is a bit of a compulsive flirter, the kind of girl going to parties just to sleep with people and steal their wallets during the ordeal. Though, the fact that Lightningfur gets confused rather than flustered when she flirts with her is definitely very amusing to Fury. Lightningfur is a curious soul to her, one that Fury is eager to take a closer look at, and when that rope burns, she might just have her opportunity... Lightningfur is desperate for company, something to (guide her) sink her claws into and call her own, and her eyes are opened up to new possibilities she'd always thought ridiculous and pointless as a new dawn starts for her. Anything to feel like she's still in control.

???Lightning - Đ̸̳̙̦͒̊̀̓́͊̂̌́̍̄̓̚͘̕͘Ø̶̡̨͍̤̫͔͔͕̜͈͈̒̉͗̿̌̅̉̉₦̴̠̱̺̰̰̦͙̰͈͙͖̬̗̠̎̅̉̀̈́̈͆͜'̴͓͔͎̪͈̤̳̹͙͔̠̗͆͛̌̂̋̒̒͐̐̐̌́͘̚̚͜ͅ₮̸̫̈̾͒͋ ̸̨̲̱̲̹̪̲̻̦͔̆͗͗̐̃̋͒ͅ₮̴̧͔̫͖̜̰̬̹̰͈͇̜͓͈̮͒̈́̿̂͜Ø̶̧̣̭̭̹̀̔́̋͊͗͑̒̚̚Ʉ̵̧̜̲͇̥̻̌͑̍̐̐̋́̽̈́͐̓̔̈́̕̚͜͠₵̵͔̂̐̃̓Ⱨ̸̧̻͎̺̫̹̝͎̮̦̣͚̰̾̓̑͒̿̆́͛͊̂̒ ̵̲̩͓͉̹̦̮̈́͗͋̀͑͑̀̀̕͠₥̸̘͈̻͕̿̾̿̑͠͝Ɇ̷̨̫̰͇̞͔̖͇̤͙̫̲͉̒̈́̋̊̂̓͌̿̕

CinderLightning - A ship long revealed at this point, Cinders and Lightningfur!!! Oh the spoilers to be had.... If you've caught onto the pattern of the Lightningships, you'll know that they're not all so easily happy and lovey dovey like FireSand or CopperDawn or RavenBarley. No, they're far from it. But I'd like to think this is the closest you'll get to it for Lightningfur, outside of SilverLightning's friendship when Silverstream was alive. At this point in Lightningfur's life, she knows exactly what she wants and she's going to fucking keep it this time---"You're MINE." And Cinders? Cinders is more than fine with it as long, especially after recent events, and she just wants to stay safe and protected and she'll pretend to be a little dumber so it'll stay that way for the both of them. Lightningfur makes a surprisingly good housewife, no? And an even better guard dog.

[cannibalcoyote]

Johnny Depp: Bodyguard Bestfriend

Imagine being a long time bodyguard for the Depp family, and having to be a witness during the trial:

*Includes blood, violence and domestic violence, based off of real events but not completely accurate*

Well, this is not where I expected to be. The year is 2022, and I'm currently sitting in court, waiting to be called to the stand.

_______

I can still remember the day I got fresh out of the army, I had a music major under my belt as well as 5 years active duty as a Calvary Scout.

I was so lost, I had no idea what I was doing, so I just started applying for security jobs - figuring my military time would come in handy, it did.

I got hired by a company that ran a security-for-hire gig, renting us out to anyone that needed us. I got a lot of shit at first due to my height, being only 5'6 isn't exactly scary, not to mention that women also aren't very intimidating usually. I did prove my worth in the end, I had a lot of training when it came to hand-to-hand combat, and I was also very adept at creating plans and schedules.

That's actually how I met Mr.Depp, or Johnny as he prefers... He had hired us for a gig out in LA; he had his family with him at one of the red carpet events, and wanted complete security for his wife and children. We hadn't talked at all, I was the head of my crew, making sure everyone was in position and ready in case some fan - or fanatic as I prefer - came jumping at them.

There were two people that had me on edge though, Johnny has two young children, and children tend to be unpredictable. This only became apparent after the night had already begun, Jack stayed close to his parents, but Lily seemed intrigued by me. Maybe it was because I was the only female security guard there, I really don't know.

It wasn't really annoying or anything, all that happened was she walked with me, wanting to hold my hand as we walked past the screaming fans. She got kind of scared of them, clinging onto my hand and sleeve, I knelt down and offered her my sunglasses, which she skeptically put on.

"Now those flashes won't hurt your eyes." I state with a smile that she immediately returns, flinging her arms around me in a hug. The screaming increases in intensity at this, making her friendly hug turn into a slightly scared embrace. I sigh quietly as I look to see the family quite a ways away, 'no way she'll do that alone' I think to myself.

I release another exasperated sigh before wrapping my arms around her delicately, picking her up.

"Don't drop my glasses kid." I say sarcastically, hearing her lightly giggle as I start walking back to Mr.Depp and his family.

Entering the awards was a breeze, there were fences, security guards were everywhere, everyone stuck together; it's the leaving that causes issues. Mr.Depp has a habit of wanting to leave early, meaning that it's just us against an ocean of people.

I already assumed he would want to leave early, so I had my crew create a tunnel through the crowd for the family that led them straight to the car. Everything had gone just as planned, although one issue did arise, Lily-Rose had disappeared. They were in the limo and Johnny was thunderous, exclaiming that they couldn't find Lily as he hurriedly attempted to exit the car.

My men looked to me, I took over, ordering some to stay with the car and for the rest to get searching. I looked over at Mr.Depp, who had one foot out of the car, with a sigh I walked over and gently shoved him back inside the car. He was obviously unhappy, even more so since I stopped him from exiting the vehicle.

"What are you doing! I have to find my daughter!" He yelled as he tried again, but I blocked his attempt.

"Mr.Depp, I have my men out looking for her, we won't leave without her." I reply calmly.

"That's not good enough!" He huffed angrily, glaring at me.

I was getting nowhere with him being polite, time to switch tactics.

"Take a look around sir! If you get out now, not only will your daughter be missing, but you will be too!" I exclaimed, glaring back at him as I waved my hand towards the frenzied crowd. He took a few seconds just looking around, I noticed his anger slowly slip off of his face, instead replaced by worry and fear.

"Sir please, if I know you'll stay in the car with your family, I can send more people to search for her." I explain, resting a reassuring hand on his stiff shoulder. He looks down to me, his face holding a calmer tone as he nods in understanding, sitting back in the car with a defeated sigh.

"Just find my daughter please." I nod my head, stationing 4 men on the car before sending the rest to search for Lily. I start searching as well, although I walk along the outskirts of the crowd to observe them.

The place is full of hustle and bustle, some of the fans seem to be looking for her as well, my crew are sweating bullets in fear of the repercussions for losing one of their clients. I simply shake my head, now is not the time to think of the repercussions, I need to keep my head in the game.

Turning around to glance back at the car, I notice something in the distance and take off running, two large figures are dragging away what looks to be a resistant juvenile. I call over my shoulder for some help, continuing my sprint when I hear some of my guys following me. When we get closer we can hear muffled cries and screams, it triggers an aggressiveness in myself that I'm surprised by.

We tackle the guys, quickly subduing them. I hand mine off to the other guy, worried I might do something rash. I quickly pull Lily away, not wanting her anywhere near those guys.

"Lily, what happened?" Her voice is uneven as she stutters out an answer. Explaining how she went looking for me before she was grabbed by them. I have to hold in my tears, she was looking for me? This is my fault, I should've kept a closer eye on her, especially after what happened earlier today!

I hug her tightly, making sure that knows she is safe now, that her daddy and mommy are waiting in the car. I kiss the top of her head, feeling her curl up against me in a comforting embrace. I heave a sigh before calling over two other guards, asking them to escort Lily back to the car.

She is reluctant, refusing to let go of me at first, but I made a promise to check in with her when I reach their hotel. That did the trick because she slowly released her hold.

I sternly instruct the guards to keep a firm hold of both her hands as they walk her to the car, not wanting her to slip away to look for me again.

I tiredly turn around to the two men on the ground, rolling my eyes as I call the police to have them taken in. This was an attempted kidnapping after all, can't let them roam the streets.

The cops arrive a few minutes after the limos leave, the situation takes about an hour overall, meaning the time is now around 11pm. I send the two remaining guards home before I begin driving over to the hotel. My stomach feels sick, I'm unsure of what will happen when I arrive.

Walking into the lobby, I'm immediately met by some of my men. They explain that Mr.Depp has demanded to see me as soon as I arrived, now I feel sick as a dog. The elevator ride was eerie, I've never felt so nervous, but then again, my client's daughter has never been kidnapped before either.

I still try to hurry, not allowing my worry to slow my actions. Although, my timid knocks may have given away your uneasiness.

A few seconds pass as the door unlocks and swings open, being met with the neutral look of Mr.Depp

"Mr. Depp I—" I got interrupted by a light tackle to your legs. Looking down, I notice it's Lily latched onto me, a contagious smile spreading across my face. My nervousness completely disappears as I kneel down to her level

"Shouldn't you be asleep right now?" I ask lightly as she pulls back from the hug. As she's about to respond, Johnny interrupts, saying it's past her bedtime, and that he had some business to discuss.

He had the whole penthouse floor to himself, so he simply walked to the outside patio on the opposite side for us to talk. I started getting nervous, he probably brought me over here so his family won't hear him yelling at me. He takes a breath, and I brace myself

"Thank you... for today." His voice is quiet but firm as he speaks.

To say I'm shocked is an understatement, his daughter nearly gets kidnapped, and he's thanking me? He turns around, being met with my astonished expression

"But sir, your daughter was kidnapped because I-" I attempt to say, but he halts my sentence.

"STOP... Stop it, I know you're blaming yourself." His tone is stern, almost fatherly, he is old enough to be my father.

"But sir, it was my negligence that led to thi-" I attempted to continue, but was cut off once again as he grabbed both my shoulders, forcing me to face him. His face is calm and serious as he speaks to me.

"No, no it wasn't, Lily told me what happened." He explained.

I stayed silent, wondering what she said, we looked at each other for a few solemn seconds before he let out a silent huff. His hand slips from my shoulders as he turns around and rests them on the railing, gazing at the city lights.

"She told me how she purposely went off looking for you even though she knew she wasn't allowed to do that." He continued.

"I'm also sorry... about yelling at you earlier, I was scared for my daughter, but that's not an excuse for my actions." He apologized, shoulders slumping as he spoke.

"It's alright-" I try to reply, I'm starting to understand where Lily gets her interrupting habit from.

"No it's not, stop trying to let me off the hook just like that, let me finish my piece." He stated in that stern fatherly tone again as he turned to face me. I sheepishly avoid eye contact, nodding my head for him to continue. A few seconds pass before he speaks again.

"Come to breakfast with my family tomorrow, we all would like to thank you, not to mention, I may have some business to discuss with you." With that he turns and walks off, leaving me standing there dumbfounded.

__

The next day we had a friendly breakfast, it made me think of when I was still close with my family.

Lily clung to my side the whole time, asking about my job, if it was fun, what I used to do, where I'm from. So many questions were asked within the span of 1 hour. Johnny had me stay behind, walking us over to a nearby cafe to discuss "business," whatever that means

"I want to hire you." He abruptly stated, stopping me from sipping my drink.

"You already hired me?" I reply with a confused tone, scrunching my eyebrows slightly.

"No, I mean, I want you to be part of the permanent security team. That means you'll travel with me and will always be near." It took me a few moments to realize the sincerity in his tone, he was being serious. He wanted to hire me after what happened yesterday?!

"What? why?" I exclaimed in confusion and shock, stuttering when I realized how rude that must've sounded.

My stuttering is cut off by his laughter, obviously finding my reaction amusing. He calms down quickly, but an endearing smile remains on his face

"I like you, you're surprisingly easy to talk to even though you are so quiet. My family seems to enjoy your company even though we've only known you for a day, my daughter has also taken to you surprisingly well."

"Okay, but don't you want my CV and everything?" I respond, still a little confused. He rubs the back of his neck, his grin turning into a sheepish smile

"I may have called your boss last night and requested your folder..." he trails off, looking at his drink.

"What... Are they even allowed to give you that?" I responded.

"Sorry about that, and no, I don't think they were allowed to do that." He replies, glancing back at me. I'm still shocked, my mouth hanging open slightly

"I know that's a bit intruding and inappropriate of me, but we're leaving soon and I-" He rambles, but now it's my turn to interrupt him.

"I accept." He's about to continue his explanation before an astonished look washed over him

"You do?" He asks, tone showing how surprised he is, perhaps he thought I would turn his offer down.

"Yes, now if you don't mind, I'd like to drink my coffee now."

For the rest of the day he had a big as smile on his face, which only grew as he told his family the news.

_______

From that day on, I lived and traveled with them, scheduling the details and shifts, making sure everything was ready for his arrival, I even sometimes functioned as a tutor.

At first he had me as just a guard for the entire family, but as the kids got older he assigned me specifically as Lily's bodyguard. I didn't mind this, it just meant that we could go out shopping together more often. As she grew, we developed a very close bond. When she was younger she acted like I was a second mother, but when she became a teen I became her big sister.

Over the years, Mr. Depp became Johnny whenever it was just us or the family. He always scolded me for calling him Mr.Depp, saying it made him sound old. He really became a father figure for me, especially after he finally learned why I never mention or talk to my family. Mrs.Paradis, or Vanessa as she preferred, became friends with me, though we weren't as close as Lily and I. Jack also became closer with me, though I could tell he felt a little awkward around me, I think he has a slight crush, though I can't be certain.

They became my family, I loved them so much, I hoped it would never end. Of course, all good things eventually die.

I was on set with Johnny for the Rum Diaries, it wasn't unusual for him to bring me along, it felt more like bringing his daughter with him instead of a bodyguard.

It was all fun, the movie was going great, he seemed to be having fun. But something was different after he returned home, he seemed off, like something was eating away at him. I tried getting him to talk, he just brushed it off, saying it was nothing; but I could tell by his smile that he was trying to reassure himself as well.

That was the beginning of the end for my happy family, the separation was not something anyone was happy about. I knew it stung when Vanessa learned how much younger Amber Heard was, she confided in me that this was something she always feared deep down. His kids were okay, they weren't ecstatic, but they weren't angry either; I could tell they just wanted their father to be happy.

Amber was... something else. Johnny seemed happy, it was like a year long honeymoon phase, although she wasn't exactly the nicest person if you ask me. Jack and Lily quickly began to dislike her, as did I, we would actively avoid her at all costs.

I especially tried to avoid her, she would always glare at me if I was anywhere near Johnny, demanding that I call him Mr.Depp even when we were just at home. She set me on edge, and the wedding only made it worse.

Lily was vehemently against attending the wedding, meaning I wouldn't be going either since she wanted to go out instead. I pulled Johnny aside and explained the situation. He was unhappy, but accepted his daughter's decision.

Before we left for our trip I pulled Johnny aside, taking both his hands warmly in mine as I said my congratulations and wished him well.

I spot Amber in the distance, beginning to walk towards us, so I hurry myself. I un-clip the chain around my neck, taking Johnny's hand, allowing it to coil in his palm before closing it. I look at him, smiling at the shock on his face, clearly surprised by my actions.

"B-but, that's your fathers ring!" He stutters, conflicted by what I've done.

"And now it's yours." I reply

"Y/N, I can't take this!" He exclaims, trying to give it back, but I shove his hand into his chest.

"Johnny, you've been more of a father than he ever was... I want you to have it." I responded quietly, feeling embarrassed by what I said.

He smiles as he pulls me in for a warm hug, immediately making me feel at ease. As we part, he kisses my check gently before separating completely. He removes the ring from the necklace, sliding it onto his middle finger before re-clipping the chain around my neck.

I thank him, and he's about to speak when Amber steps into our conversation. I can tell by the hostile glare in her eyes that she isn't very happy with me, but Johnny doesn't seem to notice. She drags him away before he could speak, but I simply smile and wave as he sheepishly does the same.

I pivot on my heel and head off to find Lily.

_______

If I thought she was bad before the wedding, I had no idea what was coming after the honeymoon.

Something was off with Johnny, he was a lot quieter, and that's saying something since he is already a reserved person. They also seemed to argue, I already knew about their arguments from before, but now they seemed to be happening in the open a lot more. Lily hated Amber, refusing to interact with her, always dragging me away to her room whenever Amber was near.

I don't object, Amber had taken to yelling at me too, so I enjoyed the moments Lily and I would scramble away and avoid talking to her. We survived like that for a few weeks, but then Johnny called us into the living room. Lily and I glanced at each other in confusion, wondering if either of us did something wrong.

"Y/N, Lily, I've called you here because there is going to be a slight change in Y/N's job." Lily and I both relaxed, assuming that it was going to be small and insignificant.

"From now on Y/N, you will be Amber's personal bodyguard." My eyes widened, I glanced over at Lily to see what I'm sure is the same reaction as me. Lily opens her mouth to argue, but Johnny holds up his hand to silence her.

"My decision is final." I looked away from Johnny to see Lily's eyes watering subtly. She looked between them both before running off back to her room; I went to run after her, but a firm grasp yanked me back.

Looking back to them, I noticed it was Amber who had pulled me back, a stern scowl on her face.

"Where do you think you're going?" She asks, her voice is definitely going to get on my nerves.

"To talk to Lily?" I state in confusion, wondering why she stopped me.

"She'll be fine, but I need you, I'm heading out with my sister to go shopping. Be ready in 10." She left no room for me to talk, simply turning and walking off. To say I was stunned is an understatement, so much is happening, it's hard to wrap my head around it.

I must've looked as lost as I felt because Johnny reached over and placed his hand delicately on my shoulder. I nervously look at him, being brought back to Earth by the warm, gentle look in his eyes.

"Are you alright, doll?" I smile slightly at the pet name, he's been calling me that since about a year after hiring me(I told him about how the guys in my unit jokingly called me"Doll").

"Yah, I'm just... Shocked. It never ran through my head that you might assign me to someone else, I guess it was unexpected for Lily too." I reply, looking down in thought.

"I never did plan on assigning you to someone else." Johnny stated, his voice holding a hint of annoyance, but it was well hidden.

"What do you mean?" I asked, now completely confused.

"Humph, I didn't want to reassign you, but Amber practically demanded that you be assigned as her personal bodyguard." He responds, looking away as he explains, it sounds like he wants to complain, but he is holding back.

I open my mouth to respond, but my voice is taken away as I gasp in surprise. Johnny looks at me, startled by my unexpected reaction. Now that he's looking at me, my eyes widen in worry.

"What? What is it?" He asks quickly, wanting to know what's made me like this.

I slowly reach my hand out towards his face, he lets me, it's not uncommon for me to poke him or fix his hair, but this is different. My hand gently caresses the skin under his left eye, how did I not notice the swelling?

When he realizes what I'm doing, he almost reels back within the blink of an eye, turning around so I'm facing his back.

"Johnny. What's going on?" It was meant to be a question, but it came out as a demand. His body deflates slightly, realizing I'm not letting him off the hook. He turns to speak, but is interrupted by Amber bustling down the stairs, speaking loudly on the phone.

"Y/N, hurry up and pull the car around already, we have to pick up my sister and you're making us late." Amber states in a grating tone.

"Alright alright, but give me a second, wanna take a selfie with Johnn-err Mr.Depp." I state, quickly correcting myself after noticing the look in Amber's eyes.

"Why do you want a picture with him, you see him everyday." She stated flatly.

"My family demands proof that I work for him." I reply effortlessly, she luckily has no idea that my family and I have had no communication for over 10 years. Johnny, however, immediately noticed my lie, thankfully only side-eying me.

I take out my phone, standing next to him, taking a few, telling Johnny to angle his head more to the right in a few. I smile after our 10 second photo-shoot, hugging him quickly before speed-walking out the door to grab the car.

He's probably flabbergasted right now, wondering why I lied about my family, and why I wanted to take some pictures with him. To be honest, I don't think that swelling got there due to something innocent, so I took a shit ton of pictures with him so that I can look at them.

I drive the car around to the front and wait for Amber. In my spare time, I open my phone and look at some of the photos. Not gonna lie, he's always prepared for a picture, even when he's caught completely off guard.

Analyzing the pictures, I note the swelling under his eye, as well as his cheek and a little bit on his nose. It's subtle, I'm surprised I caught it. He's also got a very light bruise that looks like it's in the last stage of healing. I go to look closer, but quickly shut my phone off as Amber enters the back of the car.

_______

That wasn't the only time I had an impromptu photo-shoot with Johnny, there were quite a few to come, all of them capturing worse injuries than before. Halfway into their marriage I knew for sure what was happening, before that I had only heard the fights and been left to assume, but getting caught in their fight was wild.

Amber had been up in his face, pushing him, saying vulgar and cruel things as he tried to leave. The other security were looking at me, wondering what they should do. This wasn't the first time we removed Johnny for his safety, so I quickly sent a text for someone to pack him a bag, motioning one of the guards to grab the car and bring it around.

I was Amber's guard, I'm supposed to protect her, but I know deep down that my default is to always protect my true family, and that certainly isn't her. So when I walk over and see her pull her arm back to slap him, I don't hesitate to stop her.

I grab her arm, shoving her back so that I'm between them. I don't want to fight her, that would definitely get me fired, the only thing I can do right now is protect Johnny, and possibly myself. The anger in her expression magnifies as she looks back to me, Walking up and getting in my space, clearly wanting a reaction. I stand firm, not allowing her to get to Johnny, but not wanting to hurt her either.

"Get out of here Johnny." I say, not removing my eyes from the threat.

"And leave you here? No way." He states firmly.

"I'll be fine alright, I'll catch up with you okay? G/N(guards name)! Take Mr. Depp to the car and get him out of here!" I shout to the guard across the room. I can see him coming closer in my peripheral, leading Johnny away, though I can tell Johnny felt extremely conflicted.

All the while, I'm blocking Amber as they escape, not letting my guard down until I hear the elevators beep from down the hall. When she realizes they are gone, it's like she somehow got even angrier. She looks down the hallways, then fixes her glare on me. Before I have time to react, I find myself across the floor, my mind dazed, a stinging on the left side of my face.

I shake myself as I stand, taking a few seconds to realize I just got punched in the face. I touched my lip, it got caught on my tooth and is bleeding something terrible. I wiped the blood off with my sleeve, but know it's useless right now.

"Oh, don't tell me you've never bled before? What with your military time?" Her voice is so patronizing as she leers, she taunts me anytime she can and it's reaching a boiling point.

"ENOUGH!" I yell, but she simply smirks, enjoying my reaction.

"Too scared to fight me? Afraid you'll lose?" She continues her taunting, looking down at me with her annoying height.

"More like I'm afraid I'll kill you." I state grimly, my instincts telling me she's going to strike out and that I should attack her first, but I know if I hurt her, it'll get turned on me. I wait a second, taking in a deep breath before shaking my head and turning around.

"Stop running! You people can't keep RUNNING!" She screams as she shoves me back around, screaming in my face.

"You make us run! You're so fucking awful that the only thing we can do is leave!" I shout back, shoving her off of me.

"If you walk out that door, consider yourself fired." She states arrogantly as I walk to the front door. My hand hovers for a second as I think everything over.

"I consider that a blessing, but you're not my boss." I growl before turning the handle and walking down the hall, taking the stairs instead of the elevator. I call G/N, asking them to send me the address as I start up my car.

Johnny was not happy when I got there, in fact, he looked ready to tear into me, but immediately stopped when he saw my face. About halfway through the drive I started crying, wondering how long she's been hurting him, how long she's been treating him like shit. He only takes a second to study me before rushing forward, pulling me into a comforting embrace as I cried into his shoulder

It's kind of funny looking back now, he was so focused on comforting me even though he was the one experiencing that mistreatment for years. He was always a gentle and caring man, but that moment made me realize just how selfless he is.

From that moment on, he allowed me to photograph his injuries without making me act as if I simply wanted selfies with him. He only agreed to it as long as I wouldn't let myself get hit for him, he hated seeing me get injured, and he didn't want his spouse to be the cause of it. I was scared when I agreed, scared that I could do nothing, but I quickly realized that getting him out of there would keep us both safe.

I kept all the photos on my computer, making sure to have duplicates, as well as keeping a hidden copy of prints. Johnny would also send me photos from when I got hurt, he wanted me to save them as well. She's only hurt me a few times, mainly when I try to get between her and Johnny, I usually would've broken her arm already, but I could never do anything to hurt Johnny.

_______

I was brought forward as one of Johnny's witnesses, I didn't want to go up there, to explain what I had to witness and allowed to happen. I felt disgusted with myself that I let Johnny get treated that way for so long, but I know that he had to leave her by his own decision.

In all the recordings brought forward, I was usually in them, you could hear me in the background, or I might've been right in the middle of it. I knew that the defense was going to lay into me, try and tear me a new one, but I hope that I can take the publicity and stress of it all.

I somehow managed to stay basically anonymous throughout all my years of watching over the Depp's, only pictures and videos of my covered face being seen, but now I'd be in front of the world. My name out in the open, my face on every news channel, my family will know where I am - that's possibly the scariest thing about this.

I've been holding my breath during every video, every picture, and every statement. It's always hard when I hear something that includes me, I always feel like I was an enabler in his abuse because I didn't do more; but I know Johnny would get angry with himself if I told him. When he explains moments in a recording where I got between them, or where I would force him to leave, I always found myself tearing up.

I hear my name being called, I look around, seeing the nod of encouragement from his legal team. They've been so supportive and careful with me, they know about my military time yet still treat me like a delicate flower, it's nice. They've become friends to Johnny and me, I'm glad he found them.

I smile back as I step forward, feeling Johnny gently drape his hand against my arm as I walk by, a soft reassurance that he's there with me.

I swear in, keeping my voice steady as I look at the judge, allowing my eyes to glance around the room for a quick read, avoiding looking in Miss Heard's direction. Johnny and I promised that we wouldn't allow her even a second of our attention, we wouldn't look at her, we wouldn't talk to her, and outside this courtroom we wouldn't speak of her.

I seat myself carefully, eyeing the screen in front of me, glancing to the jury, Johnny's attorney, then finally landing on Johnny. I told him all of my worries, he knew of my fear of the limelight, as well as my worry that my family will recognize me and try to contact me.

Throughout all of this, he's somehow stayed strong, even though he suffered far more than I, he refused to let me feel alone, so I refuse to not play my part in this case; if anyone deserves something good in their life, it's Johnny Depp.

[bridgetswonderfulland]

so uhh 2024 Promo became a thing so here it goes

🩷 Hoi, dear wonderful people! If you're reading this in 2024 then welcome to my Wonderful Land! Where everything else was fill with magical cutesy things but there are some stuff to watch out for! Not all cutesy things in my blog were the same! 🩷

You might be wondering who am I, I'm Bridget(call me Bridgette for safety reasons) and I'm barely an adult but I swear I won't hurt anybody's lives! I was known for being a Frontier Hero Veteran of the Amino app!(this community itself ruins me thanks to that bastard.) Plus, I'm a story-writer and a artist that put post outside of Tumblr and Instagram because I have myself a discord server! I might have a personal serious trauma problems but please be nice to me, I'm sensitive af- let's not worry about that! As you say, my art trades/asks are open but I'll be not opening up requests. Here are the fandoms I've stayed and joined

Pizza Tower, American McGee's Grimm, Toonocracy(it's not even a fandom but they deserve a recognition-), Let's Find Larry!, and OFF!

Before you go and follow me, please make sure to read BYF and DNI!

BEFORE YOU FOLLOW

I might be annoying and talking in the serious unfunny manner but please don't get upset! I enjoy talking but I swear I won't be talkative as long! If you don't like me being here then you could just block me.

I have many hyperfixations and I won't STFU about it so please respect it! At least they're not problematic.

I do post some pictures that many people will find it disturbing or weird but don't be grossed out as there will be some random cutesy things too below!

My selfshippings/OC x canon(s) were very important to me and I can do it the hell I want

Even though as already an adult, I better not be seeing your blog as a weird problematic type. My blog was safe for everyone!

DO NOT INTERACT!!

Transphobes, homophobes, acephobes, fatphobes, NSFW, NSFT, NSFL, real gore, Proshipers, other fandoms that I don't trust(MSM, Danganronpa, YTTD, BTD, FNF, UT/Deltarune{I don't really mind the fans but the fandom itself is... something.}, drug-users, fetishy, NFTS, and snuff blogs.

My account is safe for everyone, just your not-so-average silly lady with a bunch of wholesome freaky fun!

[cboffshore]

Since I saw you reblogging an ask post...

I was reading one of your fics on ao3 (I forgot which one :,) ) and in one of the notes you mentioned that there were certain Skybound angst tropes that you weren't quite fond of. So what are those tropes if you do mind me asking?

Hey there! Starting off with a SPICY one, that's fun. I've probably got that note on all of my Skybound stuff in some way, shape, or form, because aside from being my personal preferences, these tropes I don't like run DEEP in the fandom. This is going to get long, so under the cut we go! (Cw/tw for mentions of SA and related topics.)

There are three main tropes in Skybound fic that I dislike, but they appear so often and in so many forms that it's impossible to name them all, so they're split into three main categories for ease here. Ordered from least to most irritating:

Probably the least annoying on this list: violence and gore. This is the most understandable one that shows up - after all, this is a fighting show, and of course we've got that whole eyepatch scene to reckon with - but it's still a little annoying. I can usually work past it unless it's take 62837272727 of someone gouging out Jay's eye or a souped up Scrap n Tap scene with nothing added but more blood and gratuitous violence. Doesn't matter how creative it is, that's usually enough to make me close out unless the fic has something cooler to offer. It gets boring fast, okay? Like, I completely get it most times, but it's been done to death. Not always a total deal breaker, though. I've used shades of it in my own work, so I can't condemn it entirely.

A lethal pairing I like to call Sopping Wet Cat Jay and Therapy Dog Nya- usually comorbid, very rarely independent. This also usually presents in post-Skybound reveal/healing style fics. Sopping Wet Cat Jay is when all Jay (when presented with Skybound memories or reminders) is capable of is being absolutely, well, sopping wet and pathetic about it. Lots of crying and wailing and nightmares. Therapy Dog Nya is the traditional response to this, where Nya forgets her own trauma entirely to be a huggable object and supplier of gentle reassurance that nothing that happens to Jay was his fault. Again, I completely understand why people write these, but I feel very strongly that they're a disservice to BOTH characters. Jay flew the Keep (ETA: originally wrote Jeep lmao) straight into the Temple and threatened to turn Nadakhan into French toast! Nya DIED after spending all season trying to advocate for herself and her independence! Did we even watch the same show? Sure doesn't feel like it when I see this trope. Absolutely, yes, trauma presents weirdly down the line - but this as the default response always seems weird to me. And it shows up so, so often. Worse still is when a fic might try to give Nya a little agency and nod at her trauma, only to spin on its heel the moment the author decides Jay needs to start sobbing about mops or something. (I'm probably coming off bitter here, but let's be real: this has been happening for seven years. I'm tired.)

This one is an absolute deal breaker: gratuitous sexual assault and/or capital R offenses. Doesn't matter who it happens to, honestly, but the absolute worst is when it happens to Jay (perpetrated by Nadakhan) and when the author acts like it's canon and writes as if it's a given. I actually have already written an entire two part essay on this - part one is here, with a link to part two at the end. Some of my stances in part two have shifted slightly (for instance, I've recently blocked both case study authors because every time I see someone endorsing their work, I want to deep fry my thumbs), but for the most part, this essay conveys my feelings on, nuances of, and rough history of this trend WAY better than I can here. And if you thought #2 came off kinda bitter, well. This essay is battery acid, but I mean every word. An opinion I didn't fully examine in the essay is that I also feel it's a disservice to Nadakhan's character - he's FASCINATING, so to see him reduced to a r*pist just makes me mad. Go after him for his CANON crimes, please. Stop making stuff up!!

Anyway - thanks for the ask! If you read the essay and have any questions, please let me know.