#Bigger Person??? no fucking way y'all have been telling me to ignore him and to be the bigger person for as long as i can fucking remember

[bisexualadamparrish]

having the worst fucking 24 hours 🤪

[bitchassbucky]

.zip

Word Count: 2k

Warning/s: toxic/abusive relationship dynamics, gaslighting and manipulation, abduction, injuries were mentioned, stalking, dark!bucky x dark!reader, emotionally/mentally unstable!reader, dismemberment (not gore-y but still), three very special character mentions, shady corporate stuff, career sabotage?, food mention, sedation/drugging, f-words.

A/N: oh my god, this is the final chapter of CTRL. to all who read from the start, thank y'all so fucking much - from the bottom of my big-ass heart, thank you so much for coming along with this journey. this is my first FINISHED series, oh my god. to @babyboibucky (CTRL's number one fan), @sarge-barnes-sir, and @borikenlove thank you so much for indulging my inner degenerate GHJSDFG and for screaming (affectionately) at me when i first let y'all read the finished draft.

BUT THIS IS NOT THE END (just yet), i will be uploading TWO epilogues very soon: the explicit version and the not-so-explicit version. stay tuned!

follow the CTRL series:

i - .exe

ii - .avi

iii - .raw

iv - .png

v - .zip

epilogue:

.eps (explicit)

.eps (cut)

CTRL playlist CTRL moodboard

Your demeanor, character, even tone, changed.

Calculated, cold, unnerving.

But you sat there like a housewife in front of her husband, eating spaghetti and meatballs. Acting all dandy like there isn’t a man strapped onto the chair four feet away from you.

“C’mon, darling, eat! I made your favorite,” your eyes twinkled as Bucky helplessly tugged on his restraints, “oh, sorry, you’re tied up.”

Hm, sick in the head, bad for the heart.

“What do you want?” Oh, wow, even talking hurts for him. His throat is all dried up, he tasted something bitter under his tongue.

You chuckled, moving half a meatball around your mostly empty plate, “for you to stop treating me like I’m stupid.” You spear the meat with your fork, swirling it in the sauce, “I know you’ve been… checking in on me, Bucky.”

Oh, fuck.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I was-- I mean, look at you--” He’s making it worse. You’re mad. You’re angry because he was being a good friend.

He only did that because you were lonely and he’s right: you are lonely.

So lonely that you’re willing to kidnap a grown man to keep you company, “I’m so sad for you.”

“You’re aware you’re the one’s been tied up, right?” You’re curt as you should be, scooting over near Bucky to feed him.

“I can’t eat that—” If he wasn’t sitting down and tied, Bucky would’ve vaulted over you and called the neighbors, she’s fucking crazy!

You giggled, rolling your eyes as if he had the freedom to make a choice right now, “if you’re thinking of screaming… More than half of my neighbors are felons or on parole, I doubt that they’ll call 911.”

Jutting forward the fork, you let the prongs gently touch Bucky’s lips, “now, eat! We have so much to talk about.”

“No. I don’t-- I’m not hungry.” He shakes his head, the fork hitting his chin and clanking down the floor.

“Just eat the fucking food, Steve!”

Bucky flinched at your sudden outburst. The words—the name—seeping in a moment later. Steve? Who the hell is Steve? Was he your husband? Boyfriend? His head throbbed again, his mouth filling with saliva like he’s about to throw up.

You kneel down, pulling a napkin from the table to wipe the meat and the sauce from the floor.

“This better not stain.”

—

He promised thrice.

Once over pasta and meatballs, once over dessert, and once when you were clearing the table.

You relented, of course. Half because you love him and half because it’s getting annoying.

“As long as you don’t leave me, okay?”

“Yes, I promise. I won’t leave you.”

Bucky’s still seating on the dinner chair, slightly slumped without the ropes holding him up, “look, I’m really sorry about the anesthetic, I went overboard with it.” You look over to him—at least he’s regaining his fingers and arms again.

“It’s okay, babe, I wouldn’t trust me either.” If he could stand up, he’d go over and hug you. Helping with the dishes, peppering you with sweet kisses.

A genuine laugh slips out of your lips, “ugh, still… I’m really sorry.”

The last of the plates were neatly stacked, cups and cutleries were placed gently on a drying rack. It was getting late, you could tell.

“I’m not mad, by the way.” You muse, prompting Bucky to lean forward, listening to you.

“What do you mean?” He takes your hand into his, ever so gently.

“You did that,” you squeeze his hand back, gazing into his soulful eyes, “because you love me.”

Did you know that some people could read microexpressions well? Bucky went through a whole lot of them before answering, “of course, I do.”

Contemplating whether you call him out on it or not, you hum, placing a gentle hand on his jaw, “it’s okay, you’ll learn how to love me.”

He has to. He has no other choice.

Bucky clears his throat, “have you seen my phone?” His tone was hopeful, upbeat, maybe he can reach out to someone, anyone, before you can do any more damage.

“Yeah, ‘s on the couch.”

He tried to move, he really did. Bucky’s fairly strong, he can bench an easy 140 on a good day. But even the beefiest motherfuckers have no match for Propofol.

“Don’t worry about your friends, they’re not worried about you, Buck.” The coolness of your tone sends Bucky into a panic—again. “D’you wanna check your messages though? There’s a lot of ‘em.”

Grabbing his phone, you asked Siri to read him his latest notifications.

Urgent: Notice of Immediate Termination

From Joaquin: Where are you, man?

From John W.: Do you have copies?

Urgent: Notice of Immediate Termination

Urgent: Gross Misconduct

From Joaquin: Bucky, what the fuck?

From Samuel Wilson: Pick up the phone, Barnes. You’re fired.

17 missed calls from an unknown number

From John W.: I knew you were a freak but holy shit, dude!

72 text messages from an unknown number

Bucky never really liked horror movies. It made him jumpy and anxious. Too paranoid, even. But now? Now he’s sure that people have never experienced sheer fright before.

His toes cramped inside his boots, his feet were cold, sweating. The little hairs on his legs stood up, goosebumps littering the entirety of his body. If he held his breath, he’s sure he could hear his heart hammering out of his chest. The blood rushes past his ears and onto the base of his skull—he’s gonna be sick.

“What,” he gulped back the saliva pooling in his mouth, “what did you do?”

You’re irritatingly calm, “well, I mean… We’re already together, what do you need those for, right?”

Putting a warm hand over his forehead, you cooed, “poor thing, you look sick.”

—

Bucky thinks it’s well past midnight when the anesthetic wore off.

His limbs were heavy, he had to lean on the wall every couple of steps to regain his balance. Helpless. He’s helpless and you both know it. As if it’s a bear trap, Bucky carefully took his phone from the coffee table.

Why would you leave it unattended?

The screen lights up as soon as he picked up, his lock screen littered with ‘fuck yous’, ‘sicko’, and his personal favorite, ‘motherfucker.’

Ignoring the glaring messages, he went straight for the emergency dialler and—you took out his SIM card, snapping it into two neat pieces, placing it beside the phone.

Bitch.

The golden surface of the card was scratched too, he can’t do anything, use it as a toothpick, maybe? His phone was just as good as a paperweight.

He looks out of the window, limping towards it. Even if he could climb over, it would take him forever to get onto the street. Your neighbors would probably think that he’s just on a bad trip.

“It’s bolted shut. Perks of living alone as a single female.” Your voice made him flinch back, like a kid whose hand was halfway down the cookie jar.

Bucky plays it off with a cough, he can’t be weak now, “no, babe, I was checking out a noise. You ready for bed?”

You smiled softly, taking his hand and draping his arm on your shoulders as you prop him against you, “almost, big guy. Gotta get you settled in bed first. Are you tired?”

Nodding, Bucky kisses your temple, “yeah.” He just needs to play with your sick little games until he regains his strength.

Where would he go? His reputation and his job are besmirched, his apartment is probably crawling with forensics too.

“You fell down and banged your head earlier. Nasty cut on your head too. I told you to not tire yourself much.”

You hit and drugged me but I digress, “Yes, darling. ‘M sorry.”

“You scared me, Buck. I thought you were dead.” Are these tears forming in your eyes?

“I’m not leaving you, not by any chance. I promise.”

He promises a fourth time.

—

Your bedroom was bigger than he thought. But of course, he only saw your desk and your bed through the webcam.

Save from the Ted Bundy-esque corkboard you have in front of your workspace, he feels weirdly at home. You tucked him in, reminding him to wake up every two hours for the painkillers.

“You’re not going to bed?” He muses from behind you, all cocooned in your blankets.

“Just need to take this phone call real quick, babe.” Your back was turned from him as you work on your company laptop. He noticed that the webcam is covered with white tape.

The sound of an incoming call filled the room before you quickly answer it, your voice turning hoarse and raspy as if you’ve been crying.

Hi, Mr. Wilson. I’m so sorry for the late call. Do I- do I need to come in tomorrow? I just... I don’t feel comfortable facing everyone—I used all my home hours this week and—

Miss L/N, I’m glad you reached out to me. Is it okay if I record this call for security purposes? It’s just for you, me, and the HR department.

You turned to Bucky, your face is stone-cold but your voice belonged to someone so utterly helpless.

No, you don’t have to call into work tomorrow… Or any other day.

A dainty gasp and a fucking sob comes out of your mouth, your eyes were telling a different story.

Am I fired?

God, no. Please, Miss L/N, don’t worry about that. We want you with us through this entire debacle. We want you to take some time off—paid. We’ll also grant you… a grievance package.

You could almost hear what he would say next.

As long as you don’t talk to any members of the press or any journalists until our friends in the PR department can clean this up.

A triumphant smile creeps on your bare features, putting a finger in front of your lips, you mimic a ‘shh’ gesture to Bucky.

You round up another mirthless sob as the CEO drones on about the bureaucracy of this whole thing.

He was really nice to me, you know? He took me out on dinners and lunches. He even brought me to his place and I– nothing happened but I can’t stop thinking about it.

I’m really sorry, Miss L/N. I thought he was…

A good guy? I really thought so too.

Please stay offline for a bit, just for the weekend, alright? Someone from the HR department will be in touch with you for the process. We don’t wanna be a hassle more than what Barnes is. On our behalf, please accept our deepest apologies.

Jesus, this guy had the PR department cook up an apology letter.

Thank you—thank you so much, Mr. Wilson. I’ll keep in touch.

You burst out in laughter a second after the call ended. Hearty laughter, the one where you can feel your belly tightening.

“Did you hear how good I was, baby? Oh my god, we had them fooled.”

We? Fuck your ‘we.’

You slide over the covers, propping up yourself with your elbow as you turn to face Bucky, “don’t worry, you don’t need them anymore. You have me, yeah? We have each other.”

—

Out of the most bizarre things that happened to him last week, finding dismembered fingers in the fridge was the least of his concerns.

“Honey!” Bucky calls out, holding the ziplock bag with a pair of tongs.

You bound down the stairs, your laptop in hand as you squint, “what am I looking at?”

Bucky hesitated, maybe he’s going insane too, “fingers. Dismembered fingers—are these yours?”

Setting down the laptop onto the table, you peck him on the cheek, smiling as if him holding a baggie with human remains is just your Sunday normal, “god, I hope not. I need my hands to do things.”

As soon as you look back at him, you dropped the facade: “those are Steve’s. Well, used to be.”

Bucky’s afraid to ask the question where’s the rest of him?

“You know the term pinky promise, right? Well, it has a dark origin.”

Just as fast as a bustling train, Bucky rakes his brain for all the times he promised you something. Hoping that he won’t end up with a stump for a hand.

One vividly bright memory is seared into his brain though, the days blurred together with sharp edges and mismatched colors: we love how we were taught to love.

So, who taught you how to love like this?

[erensproudsimp]

Confession

Jean kirschtein x reader Oneshot

⚠ Sexual Content Ahead ⚠

Summary : You didn't want to admit your feelings to Jean in fear of losing him until tables were turned.

"I wonder how much everyone changed after all this time", you said staring at the moving landscape through the windshield.

"I'm pretty sure there's a lot to catch up with friends you haven't met since one year", Annie replied from the driver's seat.

"I bet Historia and Ymir must be dating by now", you chuckled.

"That wouldn't be much of a shocker to me to be honest", Annie added face straight at the road.

It's been one year since your friend group graduated university and because everyone was preoccupied with their individual lives, y'all didn't have the opportunity to meet up. Until today as Jean had organised a party at his mansion. The thought of his name made your face feel hot. For as long as you can remember you've always felt a certain type of way towards that horse face.

"Thinking about him huh", Annie said noticing the redness on your cheeks.

'Wha- what do you mean? No I'm not thinking of Jean", you responded frantically looking away.

" I didn't say a name though." You could see Annie smirking in the corner of your eyes.

"Don't you think it's high time you tell him about your feelings? Who knows he likes you back too and besides you two would actually make a pretty good couple looking back at how both of you were with each other," Annie suggested.

"I don't know about that, Annie, you know I fear rejection", you said dejectedly while reminiscing at the good old days when all you and Jean did was tease the hell out of each other and pull pranks with Sasha and Connie on teachers and the others.

Soon after you reached a grand gate.

"Open up horse face it's me and y/n," Annie said over the radio.

"Yeah yeah and don't call me horse face!" Jean scoffed on the microphone. Hearing his voice made butterflies errupt in your stomach. It was the first time you were coming over his house and damn the boy was rich rich as you looked at the magnificent well-kept garden enriched by a fountain in the middle face-to-face with stairs leading to the three story illuminated building.

When you reached inside, your eyes fell on Mikasa who was lounging on the couch. Shrieking you threw yourself on her, "Oh my god! Oh my god! Mikasa It's been so long!"

"Ahaha! Welcome y/n! I missed you too now stop crushing me," Mikasa coughed from the impact of your bodies colliding.

"Did someone get hurt? Why was there a scream?" Eren inquired coming from what seems to be the kitchen with Armin.

"Oh its just y/n", Armin said as you ran and jumped on him making both of you fall down laughing, "Armiiin! I missed you so much!"

"What's all this commotion about?" Connie asked revealing himself accompanied by Sasha who was savoring a pizza, a quizzical look on her face.

"Gosh I missed you guys so much! where are the rest?" you asked a tear in your right eye.

"Reiner, Berthold, Marco and Jean are setting up the projector to watch a movie and Ymir and Historia haven't reached ye-", Eren was cut off with the arrival of said people.

"Hola amigos! We have news for you all!" Ymir shouted while hugging Historia, "We're finally going out with each other!"

"Tell me why am I not surprised," Annie said as Historia blushed and Ymir just frowned at her words. Just at that moment Jean entered the room alongside with the boys making everyone invited present in the hall.

All the blood in your body rushed to your face as you saw Jean being a totally different person from last year. He grew a goatee on his face and his hair was longer too which seemed to be a mullet. He was wearing a casual grey hoodie and sweatpants yet this was so hot to you.

Your voice was stuck in your throat when you tried to say a word to him but either ways the monent the came he announced that everything was ready for the movie. He didn't even acknowledge your presence or make eye contact with you. It felt odd as you two were so close and he barely looked in your direction.

Everyone proceeded to go to the cinema hall which was located in the basement. You took your seat between Annie and Mikasa and Jean was right behind you. In a few the movie 'Attack on titan' started. Fifteen minutes in and you had already finished all your popcorn so you got up to fetch more from the kitchen. While going out you noticed that Jean and Marco were not in the hall but you choose to ignore it to go fetch your food. Right before you entered your destination you heard two voices coming from a room. You usually don't eavesdrop but the sudden mention of your name intrigued you to do so.

"It's now or never Jean who knows after how long you would finally see y/n again", you heard Marco said to Jean.

"I don't know Marco this seems like a bad decision to me", Jean continued.

"How would you know about that Jean? You think you know how y/n truly feels but you may be wrong you know ", your heart skipped a beat after hearing this.

Did this mean it was what you were thinking?

"Marco, I think it's for the best I don't tell y/n how I feel about her/them", Jean mumbled. So that's why he's been ignoring you. This confirmed your thoughts and under the shock you lost your footing pushing the door you were leaning against open. Jean saw his life flash in front of his eyes when he realised you heard what he said.

"You know what, I am letting you two alone to talk", Marco said taking his leave giving you a reassured look before closing the door behind him

You looked at Jean with soft eyes while he turned his back on you with his hand on the back of his neck. You noticed that the tips of his ears were red and before you could say anything he spoke up.

"So you heard what I said huh, would you please forget about it? I don't want to lose you because you're aware of my feelings for you", Jean said looking down with his back still facing you.

"Jean look at me", you asked him but he refused to do so which resulted in you walking to face him but he still looked away.

You grabbed his face to make him look at you. Jean was expecting you to reject him but instead you pressed your lips against his. His eyes widen at your action and he kissed you back more roughly when it hit him.

You pushed him to the bed as you sat on his lap continuing to makeout with him. His hands roamed around your body from your waist to finally grab your ass and give it a little squeeze.

You pulled back with a string of saliva connecting your mouths and looked him.

He looked at you thinking if only you knew how beautiful you were in his eyes.

"Does this mean you return my feelings?" Jean hopingly asked.

"Who kisses their best friend without feelings moron?" you smiled at him bopping his nose.

At this instant your mouths collided with each other again. Your hand reached down to peel his hoodie off his body and goddamn he was hot. You ran your petite hands against his hard muscular chest and abbs as Jean was looking at you adoringly.

Suddenly he grabbed your chin and attacked your neck with kisses. He ran this tongue on the skin while he unbuttoned your shirt to reveal your red bra. He went down from your neck to your collarbone leaving hickeys behind. A sharp pain followed by pleasure made you purr. He skilfully opened your bra with his one hand while the other was in your hair pulling it.

As your undergarment fell to the floor his jaw dropped at the sight of your perfect boobs in front of him. It felt like a blessing that he was witnessing you in this state. While he was busy gawking at you, you took his big slender hands and placed it on them. His cheeks took a bright red colour.

You grinded on his thighs feeling him getting harder. He let out a soft grunt feeling this sensation. He was sucking on one nipple and pinching the other one which made you throw your head back in absolute bliss.

Jean then advanced into helping you take off your pants leaving you in your panties. The more this man undresses you the more mesmerised he was by your figure. He slid his fingers up and down your cunt feeling how wet he made you when he barely even touched you.

"Would you sit on my face? please", Jean breathed with eyes filled with lust. You felt your clit pulsating at his request and you knew Jean could feel it too on his thigh. You nodded with your flushed face unable to say anything out of embarrassment.

He laid down on the bed as you took off your panties. Climbing on him his hands grabbed your waist guiding you right above his mouth. He ran his tongue through your folds making you lose your breath. He held you still so that you wouldn't move away while he was eating you out. He flicked your bud then inserted his tongue into and out you. You held onto the bed counter for support, your hair falling on your face.

"Jeannn", you moaned as you began riding his face. Jean was delighted let his tongue flat to let you pleasure yourself on him. Moving up and down you ravished this sweet feeling coursing through you. Soon after your legs began trembling signaling you were reaching your climax.

"Go ahead cum on my face please y/n", Jean pleaded and you did as he told. He felt your juices ran down his neck as he was savoring the taste.

"This is the best dinner of my life," he panted as you got off him. Your heart was beating so hard against your ribs as though it would come out.

You returned to your original place on his lap. You helped him take off his sweatpants watching his hard member spring free.

"Are you okay with this?" Jean asked.

"I've waited years to be able to do it so hell yeah I am," shifting yourself on his lap to make his dick right outside your entrance, you slowly inserted it in you. Feeling the neediness grow bigger Jean couldn't take it and pushed you down completely making his dick disappear in you. You bit his shoulder to help you bear with this immense pleasure.

"Fuck y/n you feel so good", Jean moaned being wrapped with your tight walls.

Pulling back from his shoulder you looked at him in the eyes as you rode him, your foreheads touching each other. Your boobs were bouncing from your up and down movement making you look so erotic to Jean. With time you picked more speed and was moving quicker. Jean was losing his mind at this. Your bodies blended into one. Jean bit his lips and grabbed your thighs so hard it was leaving marks. Your lips connected into a sloppy yet passionate kiss.

"Shit y/n I'm reaching my limit"

"Let's cum together Jean"

Jean was thrusting his hips into you out of instinct. The room was filled with the heavy breathing of both of you and the dirty sound of your ass and his thighs clapping.

Your body freezed as you let everything out of you and felt Jean's hot liquid inside of you. You screamed his name against his chest. Removing his dick from you, you sat on his lap looking into each other's eyes.

Suddenly you heard the door open revealing Eren outside.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" the poor boy appologised closing the door as fast as he could.

Jean and you broke into a laughter being happy that one of two finally confessed.

End.

Thank you for reading. :)

[putseraphinaonthaphone]

Chromatic

Classical Pianist Katsuki Bakugou has a favorite coffee shop on the short walk from his studio back to his apartment. It's small, 24 hours, and has a stage that's always free for musicians to use. And it's run by you, a would be musician who's a better baker and coffee maker-that he can't stop coming back to see.

@nanamisbento & @hanji-is-life both made a world of difference in making me feel confident enough to write this as a full drabble, so thank y'all <3 y'all are sweethearts and I love this au so muchhhh

~light angst, slow burn, black!queer!reader, musician au~

"Cross my heart hope to die, I ain't got no love to give," you plucked at the guitar strings lazily your eyes focused on nothing but the strings and trying not to cry- and if felt like your alto voice was fighting through gravel. Huskier than normal, verging on tenor like you always dreamed about, and you were too fucking sad to enjoy it.

You missed your friend, you missed talking to him. Teasing him, making him laugh. And worse, you knew the home he went back to wasn't the healthiest. You knew all too well how a house could be so much worse than the stress of school.

"Baby boy so goddamn fine, swear you give me a peace of mind," and it was true. Just being near him, talking about poetry, anything, made you feel so calm. Fuck you missed him.

"Swear you make this young girl go crazy," If some tears fell onto your fretboard at least it was late enough that no one would come in until the morning rush.

"Now how could a man like you want somebody, so incredibly immature, insecure just like me?" Because he was just as insecure as you. It's why you two would talk on the phone for hours on end, about all your fears and worries, as much as your happiness. He was the friend you could talk about the lowest lows with because neither of you were afraid or unfamiliar with rock bottom- mentally, emotionally.

You slipped the strap of your electric guitar over your head and put it back on the rack (you left it out for musicians of all kinds to play when they felt inspired by your shop's vibes) and wiped your aching eyes. You didn't see or hear Bakugou slip back out the side door he'd came in through.

~

He'd first started coming in April, when the Washington rain was too torrential not to seek cover. He'd walked in soaking wet and spitting curses as he shut the door behind him. Ash blond hair and garnet eyes plus a jawline you'd cut yourself on meant you were half way infatuated before he even ordered.

"Black coffee with extra raw sugar, and whatever bread you have that's not sweet." It was a rumbling bass of a voice and damnit now you were officially in love- but then you noticed a case that you guessed carried an electric keyboard by the shape at his feet and in your excitement (that distracted you from his stunningly pretty face enough you could talk to him without tripping over your words like you were sure you were going to when you first came to take his order) you grinned at him so genuinely he forgot he was pissed.

"Sure thing, but just so you know- we have a permanent open mic set up here. You can play whatever instruments of mine you'd like to use, or you could set up your keyboard. It's great to see more musicians in here." You meant it, he could see in the way you seemed to light up like fireworks just talking about it.

"..Maybe next time." He tried to say hell no I'm never coming back to this tiny ass shop, do you know the size of the stages I usually play?!

But how could he regret his grumbled words when you clutched your small notepad to your chest and asked him in a rush (with a sparkle in your big doe brown eyes that didn't match your shaved head or heavy silver rings and earrings but was adorable nonetheless) "You mean it? You'd play here?"

It wasn't the same eagerness of ochestral directors prepared to embarrass themselves for a chance for The Katsuki Bakugou, classical pianist prodigy, to play with their ensembles. It was just a person who loved music and ran a tiny well cared for shop that was full of second hand furniture and mismatch cutlery and china, that was excited at the thought of music being played at all.

"Why not? I could play some of my own compositions for once instead of another goddamn Bach piece." You must have been imagining the blush on his cheeks because it was gone in seconds, and he was glaring at you with only the slightest of smiles taking the sting out of his words. "But am I going to get that coffee before I catch a cold from the fucking rain currently soaking my fucking clothes?"

Now it was your turn to feel heat burning in your cheeks as you sheepishly saluted "Right, coffee," and ran back to your bar to start his order. You found some fresh plain yeast rolls on the top shelf of your display case and an old towel in your supply closet. And if you didn't think about how much of a dork you made of yourself in front of your hottest customer to date your hands didn't shake when you put together his coffee in the largest cup you could find.

"Least sweet bread I have, black coffee with a fuck ton of raw sugar.." You winked to (hopefully) let the blond know you were kidding, "and a towel to make sure you'll survive long enough to play for me sometime."

He snorted and snatched the towel from your hands, starting to rub it vigorously over his hair with a blatant lack of fucks for how fluffy and wild it made it hair, but it seemed to you that there was humor in his voice as he sighed, "That depends on how good your shitty coffee is."

~

He started coming in on the regular after that. Sometimes dressed in a suit, that he was all but ripping off until he could roll up the sleeves of his dress shirt and unbutton the collar so he could breathe. (The first time you saw the bare column of his throat and the obvious strength of his chest meeting the delicate structure of his collar bones, you had to blame lifting heavy bags of coffee beans for your breathlessness.)

Sometimes he came from the opposite direction, dressed in jeans and old tshirts when it finally started warming up. He brought in his keyboard on those days and played a range of compositions you knew were his without him having to tell you. His left hand was more comfortable in the lower octaves of his keyboard when it was his own work, and there was more grief mixed in the bombastic anger that fueled the more staccato and forte phrases that had everyone in the small shop falling quiet to listen. Because it wasn't just hammering at the keys, it was complex harmonies of thirds and major sevenths that haunted the air even as he was moving on to the next phrase that was more of a murmur of echoing themes that passed back from hand to hand.

But your favorite times to see him was during your night shifts, when the shop was mostly deserted except for your quieter night owl regulars. Then he'd play pieces that were.. lullabies. Soft melodies and less minor chords than his daylight pieces. He'd take breaks in between pieces to come talk to you at the bar, ask your opinion on his playing- the genuine way he listened to your comments and compliments making your heart melt more than his good looks could have done alone.

And some nights, especially when it rains, he's telling you about the superficial nature of the classical music world and how sometimes he wishes he'd never gone into orchestral piano and just stayed in his old tiny but cozy apartment.

"Maybe we would've met anyway, and you'd still have this place and I'd come play for scraps on the weekends." And damn the wistfulness hits him hard, you can see it in the way his eyes soften for the first time in knowing him.

"I wouldn't let you play for scraps, it's tiny but it's my place. And your music would only add to the atmosphere. You'd get full employee wages and free coffee on the house." You're wistful too, and maybe it's the rain but you'd love for this dream to be real. Even for a moment.

~

You were sure you'd actually walk into being head over heels in love if he did one more sweet thing for you with his signature grumble and glare. But it was weird, ever since a few weeks back he'd stopped coming by as often. Looked at you strange when you teased him like you were both used to, and played pieces with more anger and sorrow than you'd ever heard from him before.

It was turning into the longest you hadn't seen him by the end of the week, so you were fucking furious when he strolled in one night.

Obviously coming from one of his bigger performances with the coattails and tuxedo tie, but no smile to show for it. Not even smugness in his eyes from a performance well done. He looked a little like shit actually, dark circles under his eyes and something indescribably sad in his garnet gaze that sought you out as soon as he walked in. It was the only thing that stopped you from completely ignoring his order when he came to the bar.

But you couldn't stop the obvious way your jaw was clenched while you worked, the hurt in your eyes when you set his coffee down in front of him.

He said your name, low and questioning, confusion growing on his perfect stupid face and that's when you couldn't take it anymore. He looked like shit, but you felt it. Losing one friend in a year was more than enough heart break for you. Having a friend, who you were already half in love with, start ghosting you on top of that? You weren't strong enough to take the highroad.

"Don't you fucking dare look at me like you don't understand. I don't understand why you decided our friendship doesn't mean shit to you anymore. If you were going to fucking ghost me I would've preferred if you'd done so before I started waiting for you to come by." You were glad no one was in the shop but the two of you when you realized somewhere along the line of yelling at him you started crying. Kat was looking at you with his mouth open in shock, and you didn't want to wait around to drag out your embarrassment.

But you were surprised when he came after. Calling your name again, moving quickly to get around the counter to follow you.

"Wait. Wait." His hand grabbed your wrist, the first time he touched you with no pretenses or excuses. The strength and gentleness of his hold only making it harder to stop your tears.

"I didn't mean to make you cry." You almost wished he'd go back to his more brash daylight self, you can't handle how quiet and gentle he gets in the early morning hours. Your heart was too soft on him already- even in your anger, you didn't resist when he pulled you close and cupped your cheeks. The pads of his thumbs wiping away your tears.

"You were crying that night too, when you were playing. I'd never heard you sing before." His fingers were on your lips, silencing you before you could even ask what the hell he was talking about. It was too much. Being unable to escape the way his eyes watched you, the way his voice got quiet- confessional.

"Let me finish. I heard you sing, and I saw you cry, and the thought of you crying for another man made me so angry I thought I'd die from how much I hated him. Whoever he was. So I stopped coming by as often. I didn't know that would hurt you.. I didn't think you would care if you were still heartbroken over some asshole." It was starting to make sense, starting to make you hope that maybe.. maybe he felt the same way you did.

"I get heartbroken over friends you know. Just friends." Your words are slightly muffled by his fingers, but its worth it to see the hope flare to life in his eyes.

How had you both missed it? All these months of longing.

"But the way you broke my heart by just not coming by? When I didn't even know what was wrong? That's worse than anything I've ever felt before-"

Your first kiss with Katsuki was salty from your tears, but it was okay.

He wanted your tears, your lips, you to be his and only his.

~

[bangtae-sohotddaeng]

we’ll be counting stars | k.th. | 3

(^ gif cred: ON THE VOYAGE | pinterest)

pairing: idol!Taehyung x publisher!Reader

rating: nc-17 (for language and themes)

summary: You’d sworn off love and relationships forever. You were here to do your job - work with the biggest boyband of the world. Not forge friendships and...and whatever it was that you and Taehyung were building up with these sneaky glances. It was, to be very fair, your Chief Editor’s fault that you’d landed in this mess. Maybe you should quit your job? Maybe you should quit life -

Oh, he was staring again, and did he freaking lick his lips?

warnings: swearing (reader’s got a potty mouth) + this is set like 5 years in the future + reader has emotional issues, she's a relationship phobe + mentions of weed

genre: so much ANGST ugh + fluff + comedy + some crack

words: 5 k

note: hey, y'all. so last month i went on a new year's trip to my boyfriend's city (yes, covid has forced us into an ldr, fml) and got too occupied in all the celebrations and reunions, and this got delayed. also, you might have noticed how the chapters progressively grow wordier, lmao i'd been confused. but i think i've found the perfectly comfortable number now. expect this length from now on. thank you for reading~💜

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You were, to be very honest, a complete mess at this point.

You hadn’t been quite certain as to what to expect when you’d picked Jungkook’s name out of the bowl in your office, but you could say with certainty that it hadn’t been even close to this. 

This boy was brimming with ideas! You hadn’t been able to get a single sentence in the midst of his own enthusiastic chatter, with words and ideas folding and layering all over each other. All you had done was nod, mumble words of agreement and appreciation—that you were pretty sure he didn’t even hear—and type it all. Freaking typing. So much typing.

So basically, the entirety of yesterday spent fussing over the repertoires to ensure that the list of tasks for the first set of three weeks were well-constructed had led to this—not being able to so much as tell him about the questions your team had so meticulously framed! You felt irked, amused, exasperated, exhausted, and at the same time, really fucking lost. 

How were you supposed to interrupt him without disrespecting him? You didn’t have a great amount of tact and usually just cut to the chase. Which was generally an appreciated quality in your profession, because no writer wanted to be just lathered with compliments to later find out his work was actually bullshit that no one wanted to read. But this situation was different. You felt pressured, nervous and out of your element. Because you really had no idea how to respectfully stop this guy from making a mess of all your hard work.

He was Jeon freaking Jungkook of BTS, for God’s sake!

How could you shut him up?

You were both in Jungkook’s personal studio in the BTS dorm. The boy was seated on a couch across the coffee table from your own, literally swimming in a trillion size bigger t-shirt and some loose sweatpants. His hair floof-ed all over the place as he spoke, bubbling and bursting with enthusiasm. Which he was doing a lot of. Speaking, that is.

For the better part of two hours now, you’d been listening to him go on and on about what all he wanted to include in the book. Your fingers were nearly cramping with all the typing, but you’d promised the guys no recorders and you didn’t wanna miss anything he said. But it was freaking difficult with the speed he was going at! 

And also with the mess and reluctance in your own head. You were used to pulling the reins with writers. This situation was making you feel incompetent.

You hadn’t even touched your list, yet. What would your teammates think of you if their very team leader failed to finish with the assigned data collection and messed up the team’s hard work? Ugh!

Currently, Jungkook was having you make a list of all the people he needed to talk about in the book.

“And there was this boy my age, Ji-Hyun, he was so much better than me at everything! It is him, truly, that I credit my overachieving traits to. I had to work so, so hard—oh! Please also note down Mun-Hee’s name! She was the best dancer in my entire school. So… wait, where was I?” He looked up at you with wide big, round eyes.

You opened your mouth to speak—was this when you asked him to shut up? It had to be, right, because this was the first time he’d actually prompted you to speak. 

You meant to take your shot, but then stopped. You blinked. Looked back at your laptop. Blinked again. 

You were so confused, right now. “Uh, Ji-Hyun was better than you—”

“Oh yes!” Jungkook exclaimed, launching off into a detailed story about how and in what respects, exactly, this guy was better than Jungkook.

You shut your eyes. This had gone beyond “taking notes” and was quickly turning into Jungkook enthusiastically reminiscing his childhood and freaking telling you tales about it. And he seemed to be enjoying himself so thoroughly, looking so adorable, that it felt very wrong to ask him to stop even when you tried to avoid the added pressure of him being a whole ass idol.

But you had actual work to do. And you were leading a team. You couldn’t act so unprofessionally.

In hindsight, maybe you shouldn’t have told the boys that this was going to be like “making friends.” Jungkook seemed to have taken it too literally.

Biting down on your lip, you cleared your throat. He didn’t acknowledge it. Sighing, you shut your laptop. “Jungkook?”

This time, he stopped mid-word, looking at you with his lips rounded in a pout, sparkling eyes turning into saucers. 

Now, you were in no way attracted to the guy, but you really could not deny how freaking cute he looked in the moment. 

“All okay?” he asked, looking at you and then the shut laptop on your lap.

You took a deep breath, winced a little, and then shook your head. “No, Jungkook. We need to pause…” You had to stop speaking when his face crumpled. “Whoa…um?”

Jungkook slumped in his place, shoulders sinking. “I’ve been giving horrible ideas, haven’t I?”

Your eyes widened. “What? No! Absolutely not! That isn’t the case, I was…”

He wiped his face with both his hands before looking at you with really sad eyes, all enthusiasm from some time ago washed away. “Then what? You can tell me, it’s okay.”

Now. You prided yourself to be a practical human being who strived to be as straightforward in her life as possible. But right now, you really could not stop yourself from lying your way out of this one. You decided to blame it on the fear of upsetting a client, and not the impossible-to-control empathy that Jungkook’s doe eyes seemed to naturally draw out of people. 

“I just need a coffee. It’s been a while, my hands need a break. And my brain’s kinda overwhelmed, too,” you expertly lied, relaxing when Jungkook’s eyebrows lifted.

“We’ve been sitting here for long, haven’t we?” he said in an almost guilty tone before standing up. “And I didn’t even show you around the dorm!”

You tried to tell him how it was really not necessary, not to mention a bit too personal and…not what you were here for? But he was already moving towards the door and beckoning you along.

“Come on, let’s drop by the kitchen and then we’ll take a walk around the property!” he enthusiastically announced.

You stood up and followed him out of the room, awkwardly trying to ignore the two bodyguards that had stood as still as mannequins while you were in the room and then started to follow Jungkook wordlessly as you left.

The walk to the kitchen was a short one, and the place was, unsurprisingly, not empty.

Your team members along with their partnered BTS members had been assigned one particular space in the dorm, each. According to the email you received last evening, the kitchen was supposed to be used by Simon and— 

“Taehyungie-hyung! Are those chicken burgers?” Jungkook excitedly rounded the kitchen island to peek into the paper bag Taehyung was fiddling with. “They smell so good…”

You looked from Jungkook’s face that was awash with childlike excitement to Taehyung’s, and your breath caught when you found his eyes already trained on you. While you struggled to formulate a coherent thought at the intensity his eyes seemed to be emanating, yet again, his lips slipped into an easy smile.

“Hello!” he greeted you cheerily, bowing his head.

You, dazedly, bowed back and dragged your feet up to the island, standing across from the two guys. “Hey,” you mumbled in English.

His smile widened further to show his teeth. “Food?” he asked you in English, nodding at the burger Jungkook was pulling out of the bag.

You shook your head. “No, coffee,” you responded in Korean, earning raised eyebrows from him.

“I hate coffee.”

You smiled, this time. “You’re missing out.”

“Can I call you by your name?” he asked out of the blue, and you did a double take.

“Uh…yes?” you stammered. “Yes, of course Taehyung-ssi.”

“You should call me Tae.”

You swallowed, continually nodding your head like a damn puppet. “Yes. Tae. Sure.”

“I’m bac—boss?” 

You twisted on your heels at the familiar squeak. “Simon, hi,” you mumbled, professionalism slipping over you in the blink of an eye at having a member of your team in your vicinity. “Where did you wander off to?”

Simon seemed to be sweating a bit, and you really couldn’t really tell why. You’d just asked a simple question. 

Maybe you’d become too scary…

“Just the loo,” Simon responded with a forced giggle. 

You nodded, giving him a long look and observing how his smile grew progressively weirder. Then you turned back to the island. And nearly choked.

Taehyung’s fringe hung over his eyes, making his eyes look that much more hooded. His lips were twisted up as he watched you.

Oh, dear God, did this guy have a crush on you or something? But how? Why? 

He was a bonafide Greek God, and you were…well. Not.  

And needless to say, he was literally not allowed to have a crush on you. Or anybody else, for that matter. It was against BigHit’s policies. According to what you’d read, the boys were to wait out one more year, as of now, before indulging in any sort of romance.

You were, by contract, also bound to not encourage any such advancements. Not that smiling at you could be considered one, to be honest. He could very well be trying to make friends, and you could be reading too much into it.

You decided to stop thinking so much.

“You want to eat something?” Jungkook asked as he handed you a cup of brew.

You smiled and shook your head. “I don’t eat at work. None of us do.” You eyed Simon and he nodded with his gaze wide. “Disturbs the momentum.”

“Hey, you shouldn’t consider this strictly work,” Taehyung spoke up in that deep ass voice of his, startling you. “We’re also making friends, here. This is also not your office, but our home.”

And then he grinned at you with all of his teeth. You felt your cheeks heating up.

This was not going according to plan. 

You were panicking.

Flashing Taehyung a close-lipped smile, you stepped away from the counter. “Um, Jungkook?” you mumbled. “D’you guys have a pool in the house?” 

Jungkook looked surprised but as enthusiastic as ever. He nodded, his hair bouncing all over. “Come on!”

Throughout your walk around the house, you had tried to slip in ideas from your first three week’s layout to Jungkook that would fascinate him enough to make him at least want to hear them out. And, you’d proudly like to claim, it had worked.

Jungkook had heard your plans and had even asked you to pull the list up on your laptop to have a look at it. And henceforth, you’d made tremendous progress.

And now, at nearly nine o’clock of the night, you and your team were taking your leave for the day. 

You had exchanged brief words with all the members to see how they found their partners. Currently, you were conversing with Yoongi.

“ARMYs know a lot about all of that,” the guy said, referring to his life before BTS. “But there’s still a lot that they don’t. I talked to Nathan about all of it, we made notes. I’m really excited about the book.”

You gave him a professional grin. “I couldn’t be happier! Nathan’s got a really innovative mind. I’m sure he’ll make this a good experience for you.”

Nodding, Yoongi wished you a good night and bowed. You bowed back, moving away from the building and towards the vans waiting to drive you back to your hotel.

Jimin flashed you a wide grin as you got into the car. “Have a good night,” he wished you, shutting the door like a gentleman. Then he peeked and waved at Areum, your team member assigned to him. “See you tomorrow, Areum-ssi!”

Namjoon followed suit with a hand forwarded through the window for you to shake. “How did today go for you?” he asked you in English, causing Hoseok to elbow Jungkook, probably asking the younger to eavesdrop. Jungkook’s eyes met yours, though, and the two of you shared a covert giggle. “Did we meet your expectations?”

You smiled, formally. “It was… a good introduction of sorts, I’d say. Highly informative. Moderately productive. And we didn’t have any expectations, per se, but my team really loved you guys. We’re super excited to be working with you.”

You looked around yourself, prompting the three team members seated with you to nod in agreement. “Likewise!” Namjoon nodded at you, his smile turning his eyes to crescent moons.

“Thank you. How was your experience with Sana?” you asked him, nudging the girl sitting next to you.

Namjoon grinned with his teeth. “Amazing! She’s really compassionate and driven. Today’s session was interesting and felt comfortable. I’m eagerly looking forward to more.”

You secretly exhaled in relief. Sana had been the one person on your team that you’d been the most worried about. It was good to learn that she’d managed to impress Namjoon despite her initial nerves.

Next to you, she gave a short, very professional chuckle, and leant by you to nod at Namjoon. “Thank you, Namjoon-ssi.”

“Have a safe journey and a good night,” Namjoon wished you before peeking into the car. “Bye, Sana! See you tomorrow!”

You waved at the boys and their manager as your van started to move. You looked behind to check that the other one, carrying the remaining three members of your team, was following closely behind.

“What a day!” Simon exclaimed from his seat opposite you.

“You can say that again,” you mumbled, massaging your temples. “And what was up with you? You looked really wound up when I saw you in the kitchen.”

Simon took his glasses off and rested his head against the back of the van’s seat. “Let’s just wait it out, boss. I’ll tell you later if I absolutely have to. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

You frowned, but let him be. 

Today was just the first day. If you stuck to your schedule, you would have a hundred and twenty five more of these before this project was done.

You could do it.

Right?

You, as it turned out by the end of the first week, could do it. The same couldn’t be said about Simon, though.

On Saturday night, barely an hour after you’d all retired to your rooms after dinner, Simon sent an SOS to the group chat. The six of you were in his room within a minute.

“You look physically okay,” Nathan, the only other guy on the team, mumbled as he squinted at the bespectacled nervous wreck. “What’s up?”

“I can’t do this anymore!” Simon blurted out.

All eyes immediately landed on you.

You did a double take. “Come again? You can’t do what anymore?”

He sighed, shrinking into himself as Riya, another member of your team, sleepily sat on one corner of his bed. “You can’t quit the project, Si,” she mumbled, patting his shoulder. “You signed a contract.”

Simon’s wide eyes met yours. You raised your eyebrows.

“Then—then I need a different partner.”

Sana clicked her tongue. “No can do. We’ve all worked on our homeworks. No one’s gonna sacrifice theirs for you.”

You agreed, so you stayed quiet when Simon looked at you in hopes of a counter.

“I can’t go into another week, please! It’s…” Simon trailed off with a helpless expression on his face.

You sighed. “Everyone, out.”

Your team trickled out of the room, tossing curious glances and hushed whispers your way.

“What is it?” you questioned Simon when it was just the two of you.

“He’s too intense. I have a huge crush on him.”

Your jaw fell open. “Dude… I… what? You have a fiance!”

He exhaled. “Yeah, he cheated on me.”

You drew a sharp breath, shocked. “Oh. Oh, my God, what? What the hell’s been going on with you, I’m so sorry, Simon. Are you…okay? When did you find out?”

“I’d been suspicious for a whole week, hoping it’d turn out to be a lie.” He sighed. “Guess not. But, don’t worry.” He waved a dismissive hand. “I’ll deal with it, no big deal. It’s happened before. I’ve done it before, too, that’s not the issue. The problem is that, right now, this is all making me wanna kiss Taheyung. What the fuck do I do, boss?”

You sympathised with the guy and felt responsible, in a way. After all, you’d been the one that forced him to propose to his boyfriend so that you could bring him with you on this project. If only you knew what kind of a toxic pair these two were! Goddammit. 

But, this guy was really telling you he couldn’t focus on work properly because he wanted to kiss Taehyung? For real?

What a guy.

“Get a fucking grip, Simon, what else?” you exclaimed, throwing your arms up. 

“No, I can’t. Don’t you think I have tried, already? Please take me off this project before I fuck things up for all of us and the company.” He shut his eyes, rubbing his face with both his palms. “And I’ve also, technically, broken the contract, so… Ask Boss to send someone else in.”

Was this happening for real? You were caught between wanting to smash the glass vase kept next to you over Simon’s head, and hurling yourself over the balcony.

You inhaled deeply, then exhaled. You could, realistically, do neither of the above. So you thought clinically and professionally, and made the sound decision to burden your boss with this mess instead of trying to sweep it under the rug by yourself.

“Fine.” You cleared your throat. “Take a break tomorrow. I’ll have a word with Manager Woo, he’ll talk to Taehyung. Tomorrow’s a Sunday, so I’ll be calling Boss for the first weekly check-in. I’ll ask her if something can be done to replace you on the team.”

Simon nodded with a grimace, which may have been his attempt at trying to smile.

You retired to your room on heavy feet. How could things go south in a week? You had barely begun and a buckload of bullshit was on you already.

Exhaling, you opened your laptop to leave a mail for Manager Woo. Quoting a personal emergency, you drafted an apologetic letter stating Simon’s absence tomorrow and asked the man to forward your apologies to Taehyung as well. At the same time, you were also mentally seasoning yourself for a possible confrontation with Taehyung when you went in tomorrow. 

You’d just put your laptop away when your phone rang. Frowning, you lifted it up, only to silent the ring with a groan.

Ever since you landed in Seoul, your best-friend cum roommate back at home had taken to giving you a call every single night. Even when you didn’t pick up. Ever.

Every morning you would text him an apology, and every night he would call again. It’d been a week to this pattern, now.

Why was he doing this? You’d made it abundantly clear that you weren’t going to get roped into any kind of affair with him—emotional or physical. What did he want, now?

For a second, you wondered if he was maybe only just concerned about your well-being in a foreign country? But then you dismissed it, immediately. Why would he? What had you ever done to deserve his—or anyone’s, really—concern? You were a bitch to the majority of people in your life, without trying and even meaning to. Why would anyone give a fuck about you without ulterior motives, right? 

Lying back on your pillows, you looked at the ceiling.

You’d been absolutely horrible at treating people with compassion and care for the majority of your life. You were always labelled either too prudish, too selfish, too career-oriented, or plainly, too narcissistic by people around you.

And, strangely enough, it never bothered you. 

But that didn’t mean you had not cared about anyone, ever. You had. Too much too, once upon a time. But what had that left you with? Expectations and hurt. 

So then, wasn’t it better to not care at all, and not expect at all? You never got hurt, this way.

Sighing, you rolled over to your side, tugging the covers up to your chin. Lifting up your phone from the nightstand, you turned it to silent.

An unread message was displayed on the locked screen:

Looks like you went to bed early again, lol. Hope you’re safe, warm and relaxed. Have a good day at work tomorrow xo

You sighed, yet again. You did not need anyone’s hugs and kisses for your day to be good. Why couldn’t people take a hint?

Shutting your eyes, you tried to get some sleep.

You were absolutely not surprised when, barely an hour into a fierce discussion about his school life, you and Jungkook were disturbed by a knock on the door. But Jungkook was, and jumped at the loud rapping, his wide eyes flashing to the door.

Your back being to the doorway, you looked at the boy expectantly to inform you of the intruder. Not that you didn’t already know.

Jungkook didn’t say anything, though, and simply kept looking behind you with raised eyebrows and rounded eyes. You sat very tightly wound up, contemplating whether to peek around the sofa’s high back or to stand up, when a deep, heavy voice enunciated your name. 

You stood up, slowly, pulling on a professional frown of very minute concern on your face. You willed yourself to act surprised when your eyes met a timid looking Taehyung’s. And, you actually slightly were, too. Why did he seem so shifty and nervous?

“Hello, Tae,” you wished, formally bowing to greet him.

He bowed back, licking his lips as he stood back straight up. “May I please borrow you for a few minutes?”

You twisted on your heels to look at Jungkook. It took him a few seconds to focus on your stare and recognise the question. “Oh! Sure! Of course! I’ll be here, I’ll wait.”

Nodding in gratitude, you stepped out of the studio to join Taehyung in the lounge area attached to the kitchen.

“I know what you would ask—”

“Have I not been cooperating well with Simon?” Taehyung cut you off with a question you were not expecting.

You frowned. “What makes you say that? He had a personal emergency today, Tae, that’s all! I’m sure he must be having a great time working with you.”

Taehyung sighed. “You think, or you know?”

How were you supposed to answer that? You bit your lip, trying to read Taehyung’s eyes, but the collar-bones peeking above the wide neckline of his oversized, brown t-shirt kept distracting you. On some level, you could understand what Simon must have been facing. But! You were all supposed to be professional adults and quell any unprofessional thoughts and not foster them!

You turned your face to your feet, not missing the wide-legged, knee-length shorts Taehyung wore. You mentally cursed yourself.

His sigh floated over to you. “I hope it isn’t something I did. I know I can seem a bit overwhelming sometimes and uninterested at other times, but… I am excited for this project and I really want to give it my best, too.” His eyes looked pained when you met them again. You softened. “Please tell me the truth.”

You drew in a breath. “It’s just as I told you, Tae. Simon has to sort some issues out in his personal life. And what makes you think you’re too overwhelming or uninterested? Did Simon say something?”

“No, no!” Taehyung immediately shook his head. “I just…speak from previous experiences. I don’t collaborate with people that well. I tire them out. And Simon… I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much. I feel like he doesn’t really agree with my ideas, just goes along out of courtesy.”

Your lips turned downwards. “I’m sure it’s none of that, Tae. Absolutely positive. And if worse comes to worst and the two of you actually aren’t able to work together, we will arrange for a switch-up so that you’re able to work comfortably.”

Taehyung seemed to perk up at that. “Switch-up? Will you work with me?”

You narrowed your eyes. He seemed a bit too keen about wanting to work with you, didn’t he? You could very clearly recall your first meeting and how he’d seemed to wane when you told him you were paired up with Jungkook.

Curious.

“We’ll see how it unfolds. But as of now, I am partnered up with Jungkook and you’re fretting over nothing. Simon will be back tomorrow, and things will get back on track. I promise.”

You hoped.

Taehyung nodded, excusing himself to visit the kitchen and you took your leave and came back to an eagerly waiting Jungkook.

He stood up the moment you entered the room. “Is everything okay? Hyung looked sad.”

You honestly had zero idea as to what to tell Jungkook. Pursing your lips, you slowly nodded in contemplation as you made your way to your seat. “He’s not working well with Simon,” you honestly told him.

“Oh.” Jungkook’s lips rounded, forming an adorable pout. “Taehyung hyung has a very artistic soul,” he said, taking you by surprise. You leant forward to listen in with interest. “He tends to get awkward and insecure about his ideas and conceptualizations. They’re usually off-beat and hard to work with, but they’re amazingly creative if you look at them like an artist. Not everybody has the right vision for those things, though. Maybe that is why Simon is…” Jungkook trailed off with a shrug.

You bit your lip in consideration. Taehyung’s words echoed in your head. 

‘I don’t think we like each other’s approach very much.’

Maybe they really were mismatched, outside of Simon’s immature, unprofessional, god-awful behaviour, too.

“Hey, could we add him to our group?” Jungkook suddenly asked, confusing you.

“Huh?” you very eloquently responded. 

He gave a small giggle. “Hyung. Could he work with us? We have been pretty efficient, and you certainly seem to have an artistic vision.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Jungkook, that’s really flattering. But also, no, I don’t think we can do that. The contract we’ve all drawn has a couple of strict clauses and one-on-one sessions is one of them.”

Frowning, Jungkook nodded in acceptance.

The two of you resumed your discussions from before, but the vigour and drive was now lessened to a great extent. You, especially, couldn’t stop worrying. You were the leader of the team, after all.

Sunday night brought in the awaited conference call with your boss. 

Looking at her excited, smiling face on your computer screen, you couldn’t help but dread the news you were about to break to her.

“So. How is it going?” Your boss rubbed her hands together, wiggling her eyebrows. “How is Sana doing? You were quite wound up about her, if I remember correctly.”

“You do remember correctly. There’s good news and bad news,” you responded with a grimace. “Which one first?”

Your boss pursed her lips. “Don’t wanna immediately spoil my mood, so, the good one please.”

“Sana has been doing fantastic. She’s been nothing short of professional, and according to what I’ve seen and heard, Namjoon is really pleased with her,” you relayed, smiling when your boss sighed in relief.

“Okay, so that’s out of the way. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. Better rip the band-aid straight off. “Simon has a huge crush on Taehyung and feels like he broke the contract. He wants to leave.”

You watched quietly as your boss choked on an inhale, coughed, had some water, and sat back down to blink at you with a blank face. “These words must not leave your room. Or Simon’s. None of the BigHit staff must catch a wind of it.”

You groaned. “Please don’t ask me to work through this, boss, please—”

“Work through it, Y/N!” your boss cruelly cut you off. “This is such a tiny, little, manageable thing! Resolve it.”

You gawked. “You literally just choked—how is this little, boss?”

“Counsel Simon. Ask him to push through. Threaten his employment with us, if necessary.”

It was your turn to blink at her, owlishly. “And? That’s it?”

Your boss shrugged. “And if it doesn’t work out, swap him with someone else on your team.”

You sighed. “This is all such high school, teen flick bullshit. What the hell.”

“I know, hun. Which is why I’m asking you to manage it. And I know you can. You’re my favourite, Y/N.” Your boss nodded at you with a solemn look. “I have believed in your capabilities since day one. It’s time to make them shine.”

You nodded, dumbly. The back of your mind was hinting at an inkling that you were being manipulated by flattery, but the forefront was basking in all the praise and could really not be bothered.

All you had to do was keep the whole thing hush-hush from the BigHit people and keep Simon in line, right? You could manage that.

Bidding your boss goodbye, you rung up Simon.

“Hey, boss.”

“You’re coming with us tomorrow and you’re gonna be a fucking professional like you’re supposed to!” you barked into the phone. “Bottle up your feelings, or eat them—I don’t care. You’ll do the job you were here for, and you’ll do it right.”

There was a long, suspended silence at the other end. And then a sigh escaped Simon. “I don’t think I have a choice. Fine, I’ll try.”

You put your phone to silent and shut your eyes, knowing you’d receive another call tonight and that you won’t pick up tonight, either.

You lay back in the bed, gearing up for tomorrow.

If worse actually did come to worst, and Simon sent everything down the rabbit hole, who would you make him swap places with? All of you had built really amazing rapports with your assigned partners in just a week. No one would be willing to start over.

If it came to it, would you have to? Would you be able to?

You could maintain professionalism a hundred times better than Simon, that much was certain. But you and Jungkook had been working so well! And who was to say Simon wouldn’t cause trouble with Jungkook, too? 

You let out a whine, beyond mad at the situation this guy had landed you in.

But you’d have to navigate out of it, somehow. This was the biggest project of your life so far—the first ever you were heading. You would ensure everything worked out at the end.

You would tie all the loose ends and make it all work. You would.

(You literally had no choice.)

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Tags: @tangledsparkles​ @hoefortaeshands​ @getmemyfries

[nightswithkookmin]

hi goldy!! ❤️❤️ do you think during some break up periods jikook tried to be with other people?

This question...

Lol. I mean... if you count Jimin's Paris girls and JK's tattoo girl as other people lol. I don't.

Unless you mean other people within BTS? In which case, don't mind if I silently judge you. Lol.

I don't like speculating on persons outside of BTS because it's their private life and they didn't sign up for this. Plus it can be very invasive and my conscience just won't let me...

But I don't think Jimin moves on that easily or quickly from a breakup to be honest. He values human relationships and connections with other people and has a very high emotional intelligence quotient to resort to 'using' others to fix his emotional problems.

He cares about others' feelings and how his actions impact them emotionally- I mean did you see him turn to Kook to ask if Kook was ok with him saying he liked him on camera during one of their logs in the early days?

He is awfully self aware in the way that he conducts himself around people. It's why I smirk when people say he 'harasses' JK often and that JK doesn't like him being all over him. Believe me, Jimin doesn't do anything JK whipped ass don't enjoy. And when he seem like he is pushing JK's boundaries a tad bit much or smothering JK, it's usually him teasing JK and JK knows it. They both have a way of using things that make eachother uncomfortable to tease eachother and I don't think they both mind- I think people need to stop acting like Jikook abuse eachother when they tease eachother.

They abuse eachother alright- in bedroom huh! Lol. Sorry. Couldn't help it. Lmho.

The best example I can give you of this is these two recent Run episodes. If you pay attention to the sequence of events and the progression of Jikook's interactions, you would notice how JM was trying a little bit harder to interact with JK in the beginning of the episode and JK kept pulling away to enforce his boundaries?

But when JM noticed JK wasn't open to recieve and reciprocate those advances he was making he sort of backed away immediately. As such, towards the end of episode 116 and throughout 117 you could see JM respecting those boundaries JK was putting up with him. As such, he would reserve himself and would move past JK and offer his hug to the other members instead- out of respect for Kook, not spite. Mind you.

I think he is more likely to try and fix his relationship with Kook than to rebound with other people or try to be with other people knowing full well he still has feelings for Kook. Listen, Jimin is not letting go of his feelings for Kook anytime soon. He is too deep in it. I mean this is the person who's said when he falls in love he wants it to be forever. He is not letting JK go anytime soon.

This is the person who keeps reiterating how he wants to be with BTS as a group forever. He values connections and is sentimental about them. He is sentimental about JK and he values his connection with JK.

Besides, JM has friends and emotionally fulfilling relationships outside of his relationship with Kook that he consciously waters and nurtures. So often when he goes through a Kook withdrawal there are people there to offer him that emotional support. In my opinion. Lol.

I can't say same for Kook. He is naturally emotionally closed off and it takes time for him to let people in but once he does he tends to keep those connections forever too. I think. I mean, he is an introvert and people like that prefer keeping a close knit circle of friends made of one or two people they are intimately or closely attached to rather than maintaining a wider circle of friends.

You don't need me to tell you that Jimin is his circle within the circle. Lol.

It seems also that he doesn't consciously go out of his way to nurture connections with people outside of his close circles the way JM does. Especially if you hear the members talk about how he takes an entire year to return text messages, how he doesn't even see the importance of going out of his way to wish his bandmates a happy birthday on social when everyone else is doing it, how he doesn't bother to gift others presents on their birthday except for the one person within the group he is emotionally attached to.

How he's had a falling out with Tae over the years but didn't even bother to make a conscious effort to fix things with him leaving Tae with no choice but to passive aggressively shade him for it throughout the years- complaining about getting used to JK ignoring him behind cameras and what not.

Jk is very selective about who and which relationship he goes out of his way to nurture and give his energy to unlike JM. I think it's partly due to the differences in their personality as an introvert and extrovert but also due to the differences in their upbringing and the environment they each grew up in but let's not get into that today. Lol.

Very often when JK is going through a JM withdrawal it hits him the hardest I think. Unlike JM, I don't think he has other emotional support systems in place to fall on? 2018 was it? Remember when he was going through a hard time in that period and he shut out the members but would jump on Social to interact with Army? Why do that if there were people in his life to offer that level of emotional support and fulfillment for him?

Tae is like that too. Remember how he said to JK during their Soop conversation that he was posting much more frequently on Weverse because he wasn't feeling loved and wanted reassurance? Why do that if he had that level of emotional support in his life?

He brought that up because on some level he knew JK could relate among other things. In my opinion.

I mean did you hear Blue and Grey? Yet people swear up and down he is in a relationship with a boy in BTS- must be a very emotionally unfulfilling relationship that doesn't meet his need for reassurance and validation in a romantic relationship. Smirk.

I think JK starts seeking out other connections and tries to nurture them so they provide the emotional connection he needs in periods when he is going through a such hard times without Jimin-but the moment he gets good with JM he's gonna forget those connections ever existed lol.

I think that's what had happened with Tae in On era and the tattoo girl as well... Were they dating? I know they weren't. I know JK wasn't having sex with her simply because she would have screwed him over far worse than she did in the aftermath of the scandal. Lmho.

I mean home girl tried on the whole gender ambiguity look for a hot minute there when she was hanging out with JK but ditched that look real fast the moment she realized JK was never gonna pick her- these pick me gals I swear!

She went from expressing herself as overtly tomboyish to a much rather toned down stereotypically feminine gal in a flash in the aftermath of the scandal? Chileee I'm gonna get in trouble. Lol.

The hair cut, the baggy clothes, the boyish appearance- probably knew JK was attracted to genderly ambiguous people. Cough, cough Jimin and so tried to appear more genderly ambiguous within that period to fit in as a one of the guys? Know what I mean? It's just my opinion and I feel bad for voicing it out loud this way.

She could have been experimenting with her looks and identity and all that jazz- she has every right to present herself whatever way she wants honestly and gender is not defined by the clothes you wear and frankly it's none of my business. Chilee.

It's just crazy to me how she kept saying she didn't want to cause trouble with Army blah blah blah which is why she had chosen to stay quiet about the scandal when it first started but then later she changed her tone and started liking posts and comments that said she and JK were a thing. Smirk.

I mean for someone who had said she didn't want to harm the reputation of JK in the beginning of the scandal and didn't want trouble with Army and so had chosen to stay out of the issue, she sure suddenly had started fanning the flames of the scandal later on and her shop would eventually post a statement about the scandal- on JM's birthday. Coincidence? I think the fuck not.

If you ask me, I think her and the shop knew exactly what they were doing with that one. They both wanted to hurt JK if you ask me. They are Koreans and they know just how much scandals hurt the business and reputations of idols. So for them to keep at it even when that scandal had died down...

And I know some people believe someone from her shop had leaked the photos etc- this is where I insert my BigHit conspiracy theory- BigHit don dunnit! Lol. That scandal came at a time too convenient for a company scared people were going to find out two of its talents were dating. Y'all know my theory on that so I'll just rest it.

This is the same campany that calls paparazzi on its talents and arranges for tabliods to meet and take photos of the boys and write articles about them as and when it so pleases them. I'm not just talking about Dispatch- if you know you know.

I think they have their own people following these boys around just to keep an eye on them to avoid heavy scandals. They definitely knew what JK and JM were up to during their vacation and when they realised there was a much bigger scandal on the way they conducted this tattoo girl and Paris girls scandal to mitigate that.

Listen, BigHit has been through a much severe scandal with their earlier band before BTS. That scandal literally crippled the company- allegedly, had it not been for BTS and so when I tell you they do not joke with scandals involving their artists. You bet your ass they have their eyes on the boys. All the time. They ain't about to let another major scandal cripple their empire.

I mean, even in the recent BE conference they held, they had to film the Q&A session offline- probably didn't want a repeat of the media embarrassing BTS like they did with the plagiarism scandal. Jk's cheeky smirk. Lmho.

Would explain why both the shop and the girl in question also felt used by the company and JK later on. The shop was expecting compensation from BigHit for using them in that way it seemed- read their statement you'll understand what I mean. And the girl perhaps also thought she was gonna get to be with JK as consolation price- yea, no. Sorry dear. JK don'troll like that.

It is why later they tried taking vengeance on both JK and the company with those moves they made. In my opinion. Lol.

From a legal perspective, BigHit had every right to sue the shop for breach of privacy on behalf of JK because the shop owed that duty to JK being their client. They had a duty to protect the privacy of their clients and so it's funny how the shop turned around claiming BigHit was the one that owed them compensation or whatever. Chileee. Messy, messy, messy.

I really don't want to get deep into that whole conversation and so kindly read between the lines... got it? Good. Lol.

Anywho, JK has a tendency to latch on to people when he is in an emotionally vulnerable state. In the group it is often Tae or Jin, Suga or Hobi in my opinion.

Honestly I prefer he does that than shut everyone out.

This tendencies of his is why I keep saying he has the most boundaries in BTS- emotional boundaries I mean. Jimin is a nurturer and to nurture people you have to be willing to be emotionally open, attached and vulnerable with others. Whereas JK is not a nurturer like that so naturally he is much emotionally closed off.

He simply latches on to people when he is going through a tough time or shuts himself up completely for self preservation. In my opinion.

What I am trying to say is, i don't think either of them have both been with other people during times they weren't together because usually they don't stay broken up for that long- long enough for either one of them to form any meaningful attachments outside of eachother.

I can't say same for sex though- shit only takes a few minutes. But judging from the way they behave when either one of them does skinship with even members they consider family, I don't think either one of them have had sex outside of eachother. That would devastate them and lead to much dire repercussions such as each of them developing trust issues and severe insecurities- they are insecure about eachother as it is and they haven't been seeing other people. Chilee.

If JK as much as have sex with another person even if they are broken up Jimin would literally die. I'd laugh but I don't think it's funny.

As for JK... sigh. Let's just say he is going to raise hell on us all if Jimin should do that. Forget the Corona Virus, forget the apocalypse- JK would bring the world to an untimely end. Deadass.

I hope this helps?

Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY.

[a-small-tired-lonely-potato]

Pierrot & Ballerina

“Kuro?”

“Yee?”

“... Nah It’s nothing.”

“If it was nothing ya’ wouldn't've asked, now would ya’?”

“Well… Why-... You-... mmm”

“Come on Squirrel just ask me, you know I’m available for all intrusive questions, even the really gross one about adult things. Although if I’m being honest, I was hoping for at least a couple more years of anything but tha-”

“OH MI GOSH SHUT SHUT SHUT IT’S NOT ABOUT THAT!!!”

“Then what is it Lu?”

“... Why can’t I meet our siblings?”

_____________________________________________________________

And to be honest, why can’t she? The old creeper is dead and gone isn’t he? Not to mention whatever voodoo magic that blonde kid did on Gaara made him better… Well not that much better, but at least he isn’t threatening to kill me every five minutes, and let’s be honest I used to think asking for that was like asking for world peace and endless sandwiches.

Not to mention with how great it’s been recently, a simple meeting should be no problemo!

It’s been calm here... really calm actually. You’d think the entire village would be panicking what with the death of the Kazekage, the failed invasion of Konoha, whatever the fucks going on with Gaara.

But no, despite all of that it’s calm?

I know the Leaf can’t exactly accuse us of much considering Orochimaru was responsible for most of the tomfuckery and they did technically unleash him upon the world. But still! You think they would’ve at least demanded something?!

...Fuck I’m paranoid, why can’t I just appreciate this? There’s nothing suspicious about this, Snake-Face only had power here because he stole the Kazekage’s face. Dickbag wasn’t smart enough to plant spies in our ranks or gain any more test subjects while he was in power. He was so focused on the Leaf that he ignored all the power he could’ve gotten from the Sand, the only one he might’ve been even remotely interested in is Obsidian, and he’s already made it crystal clear what he would do if he ever crossed paths with that Snake-Face again.

I know this, I made sure, I’m the only one who made sure!

So why don’t I want her to meet them?

“KUUUROOOOO!! I’M BAAACK!!!”

Speak of the devil.

“Really? Who would've guessed? Oh hey you wanna try that yell again? I’m not sure Mars heard you.”

She snorts and hits my arm before sitting on top of the oak kitchen island. “Stuff it Miriko’s, you know you're deaf as shit, last time I entered the house quietly you threw a pot at my head thinking I was an intruder.”

I wave my spatula at her before affirming. “That was because I was on a week-long mission and hadn’t slept that entire time, under those conditions even Shari would have thrown that pot at you. And hey, you dodged so what’s the issue?”

As I plate our food out onto plates Luci shrugs and replies. “I don’t know, I once heard Shari stayed awake for three weeks clinging onto the bottom of a carriage in order to carry out her mission.”

“Those are just rumors.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… it was just a week and a half. No need to blow it out of proportion.”

Luci ended up laughing so hard she snorted her milk, but as always, breakfast was great. We stayed there in the kitchen for a while, just chatting. Unlike usual, she could ask me about anything she wanted, no secret missions or classified files to worry about anymore.

I know she won’t tell me herself, but I know me being gone so long affected her in a bad way. Hiragano says she’s getting better about me leaving since our last duo-chat together but I worry about her and our deadlines. Hopefully after the chunin exams the council will let me go solo and my schedule won’t be so finicky anymore.

But I can work on that later, now I have bigger fish to fry.

“Hey Luci?”

She looks up from her paint log and gazes at me questioningly. “Yeah? What’cha need?”

Taking a breath as I calm myself, I reply. “Do you still want to meet our family?”

Her reaction breaks my heart, her eyes light up at my question before remembering our last conversation and turning her face back to her catalog. “Nah it’s fine, we got ta’ much going on for us to have a impromptu family meet-&-greet on top of everything.” She says that, but I know better.

She’s been waiting for this, and she deserves them, they deserve her too. I can’t stretch this out any longer just because of my personal feelings.

“I know our last conversation ended… Abruptly, and I’m sorry for that Lu, I was upset and I should have waited until I wasn’t angry to have that debate with you.”

She crosses her arms on the counter and lays her head on them. “It was my fault too… You just got back from a mission, a bad one too, I should’a waited until you finished dinner at the ver’ least…”

I sigh remembering that truly awful day. I had just gotten back from a mission that went all the worst kind of ways, Gaara had snapped halfway through and killed the target we were supposed to interrogate, Baki had been on my case regarding my untimely disappearances, Temari got her shoulder busted by a enemy while I was out gathering intel, and the ever so “Delightful” Lord Kazekage made me stand for three fucking hours listening to him chatter on about how all of that was my fault and how I should have done better.

All in all, it was the perfect hell. So you can imagine how tired I was when I finally made it home, and when Luci asked me about meeting everyone… It didn’t go well.

“Luci, we both could’ve done better that day, I should’ve postponed it...” I held her hand while tapping her forehead, she lifted her head from her arms and continued for me. “And I should’ve waited.”

As I hold onto her hand I sigh as we both say. “We will do better next time, and there is Always a next time.”

Mantra completed. Now for talkies. ”I think I would be willing to have you meet them, Luci. It’ll be just for a bit, no moving in, no guaranteed future meetings, no proclamations on Family-dom, just a meet-up for lunch and if it goes well, I’ll consider more outings.”

She looks happy but still doubtful. “That sounds great Kuro, but we don’t haf’to, we can wait until my Chunin exams like we planned. I know you’re worried for my safety. We can wait…”

I smile and kiss her forehead. “I musta’ did something real good to get you as a sister Squirrel. I appreciate you so much. And ta’ make sure you believe me, I’m gonna trust you when you say you’re ready.”

I realized why I didn’t want her to meet them. I wanted these days to last forever, her and me, brother and sister, Pierrot and Ballerina. Temari has always had friends, Baki has trusted comrades and loads of subordinates, even Gaara had Yashamaru for a short time, and then his Bijju, and now Naruto. But Luci was all I had, all I have.

Luci was all mine, and in turn I was all hers. My stolen treasure. I wanted to keep it just us forever. But in true Luci fashion, the sparkle in her eyes chased away the last of my doubts. “You mean it?”

I nod my head and answer. “Lucida, Let’s meet our family.”

As she hugs me and whispers. ”Thank you so much Kankuro.”

I can only hope I haven't made a wrong decision...

_____________________________________________________________

*First time writing Fan fiction tbh, not sure how it went. If y'all want more let me know kay? This was just a lil brain drabble I wrote for my comic.

*If Y'all have any questions as always Let-mah-no.

[jacks-wylan]

The townsfolk indeed call for another Witcher. For all Jaskier knows, the baker's wife put a contract in a notice board in the nearest town – Corvo Bianco is small, and it's a bit farther away from any main roads – and, surprisingly, someone has arrived.

It's the innkeeper, that Jaskier meets at the well as he goes to collect water, that says that to him. “It's a Witcher I've never met before,” he says, gruffly, while he weights up two buckets full of water, “He came here this morning, flashed a strange grin when he asked us to take his things, payed a room and went to hell, probably.”

Jaskier is almost afraid to ask, “What is he like?”

The Witcher is obviously not Geralt, because the innkeeper would have known him in that case. Jaskier is scared to hope anyway – he wants him to be Eskel, or Lambert. He needs a familiar face, someone he can talk about and understand his words. A shoulder he can cry on. A friend he can ask to keep an eye on Geralt, because he can't anymore.

“He's, uh, strange. Has scars, pale skin, two swords.”

“Like any Witcher.” Jaskier almost laughs. He can be anyone, really. He doesn't dare to hope.

“Dunno if he'll come back, but he has a room in my inn. You might meet him.”

Jaskier takes a deep breath, “I might.”

He does, that same evening. Jaskier doesn't even know why, after all, if the Witcher is Eskel or Lambert, they know where he lives – and if they already know about Geralt and his break up and they don't want to see him anymore, Jaskier surely doesn't want to impose his presence to someone who doesn't want it. He can be annoying, and most of the time he ignores when a person is annoyed by him, but he can take very well that kind of hint.

But curiosity's got the best of him, and won against the disappointment that is already stinging in his chest, while he walks, slowly, the small roads of Corvo Bianco. The past years, he has taken the same roads so many times that he's lost count, to reach the tavern down the village so he could perform for a, yes, a small crowd, but a very welcoming crowd. A crowd that Jaskier always adored, especially when they warmed up towards an amazed Geralt – still not used to the generosity, kindness and gentleness of this people.

He enters inside the inn and he's greeted by the innkeeper's wife. After a bit of small talks, she immediately points him a table in the center of the common room, where a man dressed of a light, leather armor is eating voraciously, not looking up as the innkeeper's wife tells him, “He's the Witcher!”, even though Jaskier is pretty sure that he's heard them very clearly.

Jaskier doesn't know what he was expecting. Not Geralt, but when his eyes lay on the Witcher's hair, he feels nonetheless a pang of disappointment when he notices that the colour is wrong, it's a too dark shade, not even close at the white strands Jaskier is so fond of. It's not even the brownish, gentle colour of Eskel's, and that is definitely not the chaotic head of Lambert. And he's never met Vesemir, but by the stories he heard, the Witcher is definitely not Geralt's mentor.

He blinks frenetically, but his eyes remain dry. He has half a mind to just turn around and forget about the unknown Witcher – right now, it's not strong enough to deal with the mess of another Witcher – but, the other half... the other half is curious. He wants to know who he is. He's been so lonely lately...

“I'll pay for what he eats.” he says then, to the woman in front of him, “Bring him another bowl of broth.”

“Want some, dear?”

Jaskier shakes his head, “I've already eaten, thank you.” he tells her, as he walks towards the Witcher that now is looking straight at him with a confused stare. He fidgets with a hem of his doublet, feeling a bit intimidated under the Witcher's unnerving eyes.

When Jaskier sits finally in front of him, he notices his medallion. The animal it represents is definitely not a wolf. “You're welcome.” he says, because he doesn't really know how to break the ice.

It works, somehow. The Witcher laughs, with a half seductive smile. “You must be the bard that lives here. There's this little girl that this morning talked my ear off about you, while showing me the way to the inn. She said you're funny and have a funny voice.”

Jaskier laughs. She must be the baker's daughter, the split image of her mother. “That must be me, yes.” The innkeeper's wife comes to them with two steaming bowls of broth, and ignores Jaskier splutters when one of the bowls is settled in front of him. She just looks at him, deadpanned, and makes a tactless remark about the weight he has lost lately, before turning back at her chores. “You're here for that child's parent's contract about a wolf.”

“That girl thinks it's a werewolf. And she's godsdamn right about that, at least.” the Witcher eyes at him through long, thick lashes. His eyes are of a strong yellow, they almost glow in the timid light of the torches. There is smudged kohl decorating his lids, it makes them bigger and more feline. They are like a black cat's. “She's wrong about you, you don't seem funny at all. You have no instruments with you, and I am not hearing a single song danced in miles. You're boring,” he grimaces, then, “And depressed. You're depressing me.”

Jaskier doesn't touch the broth, that's going cold under his nose. And really, as much as he's trying to be better, he can't deny those words. “Sorry for that. I... forgot my lute back at home.” he lies easily. His lute has remained untouched since Rinde, and now it's collecting dust inside his case under the bed. “My name is Jaskier, by the way. I was hoping–” what? What was he hoping to obtain? There is a Witcher in front of him and it's not from the Wolf's school. It's all a waste of time. “Nevermind. You're a Cat Witcher, and, I'll be honest, I haven't heard anything good about Cats. People say that you're cunning, and cruel. I, obviously, don't think it's true, because people say those things to all kind of Witcher, really,” he doesn't say that most of those things was Geralt that told him, “But I thank you for your services. If there's really a werewolf around here, it's... bad. It's a very bad... situation. Rarely we've had this kind of problem, here.”

“You know quite a lot 'bout Witchers, uh.” the Witcher pushes his empty bowl to the side, without lowering his gaze from Jaskier's face, “Name's Aiden. I'm a Cat Witcher, and I am usually cruel, if needed.”

Jaskier tries a smile, “Hopefully, we won't need it. I just wanted to tell you that here, you'll be... treated well. Not as a mutant, that is. They are used to Witchers, so no one will charge you more than needed for food and such, and they will pay you what is owed.”

The Witcher – Aiden – passes a hand against his lips, wiping the grease away with a swift move, “Good. I like when I'm payed fair and well. Now, this has been awkward enough so, if the master bard will permit it, I will head to bed. I spent all the day in the woods and found nothing, so if y'all are so cordial as you're saying, now I deserve a very good rest.” he says, standing up and stretching his long limbs. He's more lean and slender than the Witchers Jaskier knows, with less muscles and more agility, he guesses. I bet his cock is still smaller than Geralt's, Jaskier thinks, then, immediately after, he feels the urge to bang his head against the table.

Jaskier doesn't answer him, too occupied in try not to maim himself. But then, Aiden stop in his track and turns around enough to look at him again, contemplating something that Jaskier cannot read in his expression, “Now that I think 'bout it, I have another contract. Considering that I have to wait the next full moon to do anything with the werewolf, better get done with that too.”

Jaskier shrugs. It's not really his concern, after all. For a second, he has the impulse of telling him that, if only he needs it, he has some witchery potions back at his house. Just in case he hasn't enough supplies with him for both the contracts. After all, Geralt won't use them ever again. But, but something stops him to propose that: fuck, they're Geralt's, regardless of everything.

He won't give Geralt's things to anyone for any reason at all.

“The little girl hired me,” Aiden continues, with a grin. “She said that your house is haunted, because every night all the village hears wails coming from.”

Jaskier blinks, “That's... that's untrue.”

“She said that everyone is just ignoring that. Oh, it must be a very scared– correction, scaring creature living into your house.”

“There is no creature in my house! And no one wails in the night!” Jaskier snaps, incredulous. Whatever the fuck? “Well, I would know if there is something like that in my own house, I live there! There is nothing apart from me!”

Aiden raises an eyebrow.

Suddenly, hot shame creeps up Jaskier's chest, coloring his cheeks in an ugly red. “It's not me, Witcher.”

It's impossible. He doesn't cry since the day the townsfolk sent the pie to him. And during the night he, Gods, he just sleeps. He doesn't have nightmares, he has no reason to wail.

“Oh, I don't know. But worry not, bard, I am the monster hunter here, so I'll soon find out what lurks in your shadows, for very little compensation. See ya later, then!”

“Later?” Jaskier repeats, stunned. All he receives for an answer is the Witcher retreated back, and nothing else. He's totally been ignored, damn it. “Fucking hell.” he softly murmurs, even if all he wants to do is screaming for the terrible fate that has fallen upon his head.

He doesn't want another Witcher in his life. One – three, he lost them all – is enough, and he has already stomped on his poor, fragile heart, surely there's no need for another one to push his finger into the still fresh wound. Aiden will notices the evident presence – late presence – of a Witcher, from Geralt's old armors and weapons hanging on the wall, to the countless potions in the storage, and there will be questions, so many question that Jaskier still doesn't want to answer. And if he, indeed, is the one wailing during the night, he'll want to know the reason, and– and he doesn't want to explain himself. He feels so tired.

Dazed, he leaves a couple of coins on the table, next to the untouched, cold bowl of broth and gets out into the fresh evening air. He blinks while walking, not really acknowledging where he's going but pretty sure that his own feet are taking him home.

He thought he was feeling better. He thought that after a couple of months, he's made peace with what happened in Rinde, considering that it was no one's fault, considering that now Geralt is safer that he'll ever be with him, considering that all he wants is Geralt's happiness even if it's not with him. Sure, Jaskier's always been selfish, and he's always wanted everything despite it all, but– but he thought that with Geralt was different, that he was – is – more important than his foolish humanly desires.

And yet, Gods. And yet, here he is, sad and depressed, still waiting for Geralt to come home.

----------------------------------------------------

read the rest on ao3!

[lazyangeltreemoney]

Never Doubt I Love

One Shot, Royal AU

Description : Prince James is to wed Princess Y/N of the neighbouring country after the war to try and strengthen their countries. Bucky is less than happy about it and is shamelessly rude to Y/N, one day she has enough.

Pairings: Prince!Bucky x Princess!Reader (platonic), Prince!Bucky x Natasha, Loki x Princess!Reader

Word Count: 4987

Warnings: mentions of war, arranged marriage, death, insults, swearings.

A/N: just had this idea in my head all day and I’m a sucker for AU’s. Hope y'all enjoy

Bucky hated her from the second he saw her. When she stepped out of the limo in front of the palace an instant disdain burned in him. He would say it was from how she dressed being so dull, or her hair and makeup seemingly so perfect to the point of she looked like a doll, not a real human being. Natalia looks real. She was by no means the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Natalia is beautiful. This, this was who his parents expected him to marry?

When they finally got to talking it only cemented his hate. He hated how proper and ladylike she was, a proper princess who knew all the curtseys and proper rituals, it was almost robotic. Natalia at least would talk like a real human being. She talked to his parents and said everything she was trained to say, nothing seemed real about her. Natalia has a personality.

As time went on and she would try talking to Bucky she would be able to talk circles around him, any insult he gave she was able to bat back in a moment. Natalia knew when he did and didn’t like being pushed. He didn’t like being outwitted, especially on his own turf. 

“You just hate her because you can’t marry Nat without giving your mother a heart attack.” Steve stated as he took a swing of his water. 

“No, I hate her because she’s the most boring and insufferable woman I’ve ever met, I would say human but I’ve met Sam.” Bucky commented back. 

The pair had been sparring and training. Steve was Bucky’s cousin and Head of the Royal Guard. The pair had been friends since they could talk, thick as thieves. They had gone to war together and by some miracle survived and came out stronger than ever. Bucky was the soon to be King, he had no reason to be training but some of the old army habits he was never able to kick. 

“She’s in a new country, a country she will soon have to rule, it’s a lot to take on.” Steve tried to get his friend to sympathise with Y/N. 

“Not my problem, now if we’re done here I’m going to see Nat.” Bucky retorted and walked away. 

“I’ll see you at the ball tonight!” Steve called down the hall. 

Bucky simply ignored him and kept walking on shaking his head. Of course Steve would have to remind him of that stupid ball, the one to announce Y/N’s and his engagment. Y/N had been staying in the palace for nearly over a month now, to try and not raise suspicion of an ‘arranged marriage’. Bucky had gone over his proposal speech about a thousand times to try and give it something to make it believable. Nothing worked, it all sounded robotic and cheesy to the point where the press would see right through him. 

This led to him sitting with Natalia in his bedroom trying to think of what on earth he was going to say tonight. The pair were both naked with only a sheet covering them, Bucky was sat by the window smoking a cigarette to try and clear his head. Natalia was going over what he had already written down so far. 

“-I love you to the moon and back’ oof.” Natalia laughed. 

“I know, I know, it’s awful and I’m about to make a fool out of myself in front of the whole kingdom.” Bucky huffed, stubbing out his cigarette. 

Natalia leaned forward and began to card her hands through his hair to try and comfort him. Telling him how some of it was sweet or how he could close his eyes and try to pretend it was her, he was proposing to. 

“Urgh, it doesn’t matter what I write how I can be any form of genuine when I’m proposing to an iceberg.” Bucky groaned holding his head. 

“Come on, she’s not that bad, Wanda speaks pretty highly of her.” Natalia offered. 

Bucky was so sick of everyone trying to convince him Y/N ‘wasn’t that bad’. Even Nat, apparently her and Y/N would often go into the gardens with Wanda for some form of a book club. Y/N knew full well what was going on between Nat and Bucky, she had told her in person and she gave Nat her blessing. Told her that she was simply doing right by her country and had no claim over Bucky’s heart. 

Bucky didn’t buy it, he was convinced Y/N was trying to play some bigger game. He was the only one in his conspiracy theory. 

“Nat I’m having to ask that bitch to be my wife, to stand by me, raise my heirs, how can I?” Bucky let out an exasperated sigh. 

“Because you’re a King and like it or not she is your Queen.” Nat tried to calm him. 

“Well right now I want to pretend that you are my one and only queen.” Bucky smirked and grabbed Natalia ready to ravish her again. 

So lost in the moment he had no idea Y/N was just right outside of the room, hearing their whole conversation. She had gone to talk to Bucky about tonight, about how to play in front of the press watching and just them in general. Y/N only closed her eyes and let out a small frustrated sigh as she marched back to her room. By the time she was just outside her room she didn’t know how or why but she was crying. Endless streams of tears seemed to be flooding and nothing she did could stop it, but why? Did she love Bucky? No, but at the very least she wanted him to respect her. Not call her a bitch or human iceberg. 

Rushing into her room she slammed the doors behind her. In her room were her clothes for this evening, a gorgeous gown with silver trimmings and heels to match. However the very sight of the dress made her feel sick. It was less of a gorgeous gown and more like shackles. As if she was submitting to a life of ridicule and hate from her husband. 

Falling to her knees she held herself for a second. It was never meant to be like this. It was meant to be so much kinder and happier, the life a princess was supposed to have. This however was the reality, cruel and ironic at every chance it had. 

Y/N wasn’t sure how long she had laid on the floor but she knew it had been a while and she would have to start getting ready. As she had been trained since birth, she wiped her eyes and gracefully rose from the floor, back straight and head high, thinking of all she would sacrifice for her kingdom. 

It was now only a few hours til the ball and Bucky still didn’t know what to say during his proposal. Anything he had down was tibits he had gotten from people Y/N actually talked to, like Steve or Wanda. However none of it sounded like him, he had always been vocal in the press, they knew how he talked. Defeatedly, he walked towards Y/N’s room knowing she was the only one who could fix this. 

Y/N had a way with the people, even Bucky couldn’t deny that. When the war was at its worst, it was Y/N’s speeches or public acts that seemed to give most of the soldiers and citizens hope. If anyone knew what the public wanted to hear it was Y/N. So Bucky now stood in front of her ornate door hanging his head. Letting out a frustrated sigh he knocked on the door. There was a short pause before a voice called him in. 

“Enter.” 

When he walked in he saw Y/N in her dress. It was a dark blue silk that was sleeveless, that seemed to hug her figure just right. She wore white silk gloves that had the most delicate lace and pearls wrapped around her neck. Bucky hated to admit it but he was speechless at the sight of her. Her hair was in a bun but a few loose hairs cascaded down her face shaping it perfectly. Her makeup was a lot more natural and her lips seemed to be the perfect shade. The more he looked at her the less and less she looked like the girl who first appeared in the palace. 

“Was there something you wanted to say James or are you just going to stare?” Y/N asked bringing him back to reality. 

Bucky coughed slightly and stood up a little straighter. 

“Ah yes, I came to talk to you about tonight,” Bucky began before Y/N let out a sarcastic laugh. “Something funny?” Bucky raised a brow to her. 

“Just surprised that you would want to hold an actual conversation with me is all.” Y/N spoke in that tone that made Bucky cringe. 

It was royal and regal, just the right amount of sweetness with the right amount of authority. No one had a voice like that unless they had been trained from day one. Bucky hated that even now she was playing mind games with him and talking so many circles around him his head could spin. But right now he had to let it slide because he really needed her help. 

“Look I need your help on conning an entire country that we’re in love.” Bucky tried to explain. 

“Love.” Y/N scoffed back. 

Bucky was now losing his patience. 

“Yes love.” Bucky’s tone was getting dangerously dark. 

Y/N however didn’t care, she had been pushed too far. She was too tired, tired of his arrogance, his childishness, his stubbornness and how he was convinced that Y/N wanted this. Especially when he didn’t know the first thing about her. 

“How can you when you hate me, god James I know you don’t love me and I don’t want you to but you could at least tolerate me.” Y/N exasperated, he was finally getting put in his place one way or another. 

Bucky went to argue back but Y/N was nowhere near done. 

“I tolerate you, I tolerate your lover, even befriended her but you can’t even look at me without insulting me, God, you think I want this? You think my heart doesn’t belong to someone else as well, at least you get to see your lover everyday.” Y/N ranted. 

So much information was coming at Bucky at once it was hard to process it all. His brain was almost on autopilot. 

“How does any of that help me write this?” Bucky asked. 

Of course, of fucking course, Y/N just poured her heart out to him and he still doesn’t care. Well now neither does she. 

“Say whatever the fuck you want.” Y/N yelled storming out of the room. 

Bucky was left alone in the room feeling uneasy. Y/N had never swore once in the whole time he had known her, not even with anyone. She had always tried to be the perfect lady but now that seemed to all go out of the window. Sighing, Bucky sat on Y/N’s bed and let his mind wander. The words Y/N spoke seemed to be playing on a loop until it finally hit him. 

 “You think my heart doesn’t belong to someone else as well”

It was about an hour before the ball was supposed to begin when Bucky finally found her. Y/N was on one of the balconies having a cigarette. He had no idea that she smoked, but she even made that look graceful. She seemed to be deep in thought, almost relaxed. However her little moment of peace seemed to be ruined when Bucky showed his face. She looked at him for a moment before turning away to look at the night sky. 

“So who is he?” Bucky asked, leaning on the railing. 

Y/N remained silent and took another puff of her cigarette. Her face was like a statue wanting to give nothing away. 

“Is he back in your country?” Bucky hummed. 

“He’s buried there.” Y/N finally spoke. 

Bucky looked at her in astonishment. Y/N had revealed one of her deepest secrets so casually he wasn’t sure if he was hallucinating. He tried to study her more to see if she was lying but he honestly couldn’t tell, until she stubbed out her cigarette. 

“His name was Loki and he was beautiful.” Y/N spoke softly with a sad smile forming on her face as the memories came flooding back. 

Thor was her usual royal guardsmen. He was a bit of a goof with more brawn than brains but Y/N got along with him just fine. Just like all the guardsmen in her country Y/N trusted them with her life. However one morning Thor greeted her before she went riding accompanied by a dark haired man. He was a lot shorter than Thor and paler. His eyes were an emerald green that seemed to be locked on Y/N from the second he walked into the stable. 

“Ah Thor, ready for our ride?” Y/N spoke enthusiastically

“Actually your Majesty will have the joy of my brother with you today.” Thor explained, gesturing to the man next to him. 

“Brother?” Y/N raised an eyebrow at him. 

“Adopted.” Thor explained. 

“Call me Loki.” The dark haired man introduced himself. 

“Only if you call my Y/N.” She replied. 

Loki instantly smirked at her. Something about the tone of her voice told him this was going to be fun. The pair saddled up the horses and were off into the royal woods. Y/N led the way and Loki had to try his best to not lose her. After about half an hour of riding Y/N finally stopped by a lake. Loki was exhausted and more than happy to have his own two legs on the ground. He practically collapsed off his horse and gulped some water from his bottle. 

“Anyone would think you didn’t want my protection.” Loki said breathily. 

Y/N only giggled at him and began to set up her camp. Loki noticed she was building a small fire, she then took out a metal can and took some water from the lake. With that she took out a book and a tea bag she placed into the can of water. 

“Would you care for some tea?” Y/N asked. 

Loki merely nodded and sat down beside her. The lake was beautiful, the water was so clear and glimmering, it seemed to show his reflection perfectly. The woods circled around them, it almost felt like he was in the eye of a storm. He glanced over to Y/N who was pouring him a small cup of tea. She was so beautiful as the light shone on her, regal, elegant. 

“What are you reading?” Loki mused as he took the cup. 

“Shakespeare's sonnets.” Y/N showed him the cover as her eyes went back to the pages. 

“Would you mind if you read them to me, I’ve always had a soft spot for his works.” Loki admitted. 

He wasn’t sure why he was telling her this but he felt like he could, he felt like he could tell her anything within a few minutes of knowing her. She had the air of comfort around her. Y/N nodded and began to read out loud to him. Her voice seemed to give the words meaning, as if before now they were just words on a page. The pair sat together like that for hours, eventually Loki began to read to her instead. They discussed and argued about what he truly meant when Shakespeare wrote certain rhymes. They continued to jest and tease each other on the ride home. By the time they got to the stable it was nearly sunset. 

“Thankyou for this today, usually when I go with Thor he gets bored after an hour and I have to head home.” Y/N smiled at Loki as she tied up her horse.

“Anytime, Y/N.” Loki replied smiling at her. 

Y/N wanted to scold herself for how her heart fluttered when he said her name. The two bid each other goodnight but the lingering glances were clear neither of them wanted to part ways.

Them running away to the lake quickly became a little tradition between them. Even if they could only have an hour there they would wake up at the crack of dawn or dead of night to simply be in each others company. It was one of the times when they both had busy schedules the next day so they were in the dead of night Y/N’s head laid in Loki’s lap by the lake. The moonlight shining down on them. The soft neighs of horses and gentle lapping on the lake could be heard. It was the most peaceful thing Y/N had ever experienced. 

“Doubt thou the stars are fire;Doubt that the sun doth move;Doubt truth to be a liar;But never doubt I love.” Loki spoke softly

Y/N nestled into more as his words rang seemed to lull her to sleep.

“Love maybe we should head back, the sun will be coming up soon.” Loki reminded her. 

“Just a few more minutes.” Y/N sleepily mumbled back. 

Loki couldn’t help but chuckle at her sleepy stubbornness. To be completely honest, he didn’t want to leave either, this was their little sanctuary, away from their duties, the fear, the pressure. But they couldn’t hide away forever, Y/N especially would never abandon her people like that.

“Alright Love.” Loki spoke softly. 

He leaned down and kissed the top of her head. By the time he finished reading the page Y/N was asleep. Her soft snores and gentle eyes closed. Loki wanted nothing more than to see that sight every night, to have her fall asleep in his arms every night. But she was a royal, the princess no less and he was not. It didn’t matter though, he had this and it was enough for now. 

“What happened?” Bucky asked. 

“The war happened.” Y/N replied. 

She had to hold back the tears as the memories played on in her mind. 

Loki had agreed to meet her at the lake early that morning. They both needed it, the war had just begun and they were both on edge. The war had barely begun and Y/N was trying to think of ways to end it. Meanwhile Loki was more scared for Y/N’s safety than ever, scared she would end up performing some act of Martyrdom just to end the war. 

Loki and Y/N had ridden in complete silence to the lake. It was weird, usually their ride together would be filled with teasing and discussing whatever book they were reading. This however was uneasy and uncomfortable. Too much was on each others mind for them to just be themselves. 

However once they reached the lake and Y/N had made the tea it was as if everything outside those woods no longer existed. Y/N laid her head on Loki’s shoulder and he began to read aloud to her, pausing occasionally to make a remark about it or flirt with Y/N. To which she would merely giggle and kiss his cheek to tell him to keep reading. 

It was one of those moments when Y/N went to kiss his cheek did he turned so to catch her lips with his. Loki dropped the book and wrapped his hands around her waist. Y/N had hers around his neck as she deepened the kiss. The two only broke apart for air, resting their foreheads against each other. 

“I’ve missed my Love.” Loki spoke breathlessly. 

“I’m sorry, I just want this war to end.” Y/N admitted guiltily. 

Y/N noticed how Loki’s face turned slightly when she mentioned the war, as if there was something he needed to tell her about it. No, surely not. 

“I got my draft letter yesterday, I ship out in a few days.” Loki almost hung his head in shame. 

Y/N broke apart from him. This couldn’t be happening, no she wouldn’t allow it. She had given almost all of herself to her people, to the crown but they couldn’t have Loki. 

“No, no, no.” She rambled pacing up and down but the lake. 

“Love.” Loki called trying to soothe her. 

“No, I won’t allow it, I decree it as the Princess of this land you will not set one foot out of the palace grounds.” Y/N tried to sound strong, use her authoritative tone so Loki wouldn't argue. 

But it was to no avail. 

“You think I want to leave you, but if I stay on your orders, what will people think?” Loki explained. 

“I don’t care what they think, I’ll marry you, you’ll be their king and adore you.” Y/N pleaded, tears welling up in her eyes. 

“We both know that’s not how this works.” Loki sighed, he hated to see her cry. 

He hated any form of sadness she had to endure. He hated how she would never be able to let it show, always internalising it and keeping it hidden. She only let her emotions go when she was with him, which made all of this hurt even more. 

Slowly he walked over to her and held her close. She sobbed into his shirt until no more tears could physically come out of her. Even after that Y/N still held him close, afraid that the second she let go he would be gone. 

“Promise me that you’ll come back to me, that no matter what happens you will come back here to this very spot.” Y/N’s voice was crackled and strained from the crying. 

Loki knew he couldn’t truly promise her that, but nonetheless he did. 

“I promise, Love.” 

Y/N watched him get shipped out. She went in disguise to kiss him goodbye on the dock. Tears were in both of their eyes. She used her spies to give him love letters and gifts of books with their favourite passages circled. Loki saw the work Y/N was doing and the speeches she made in the papers and on posters everywhere he went. He had never been so proud of her, she was truly going to make a wonderful Queen. 

It was the very last year of the war when Thor knocked on her door in full uniform with that damned letter and dog tags.No body could be recovered, there were too many hidden among them. She had locked herself into isolation after Thor had told her the knews; Simply wanting to be alone with her books and memories. Then her maid came and dropped breakfast by her door while slipping a letter under the door. 

Y/N walked towards the door and picked up the letter when she gasped at the handwriting, it was Loki’s. She felt almost feral as she tore it open, instantly checking the date, it was from three weeks ago, two weeks before…

To My Dear Y/N

I miss you my love, miss you more than you will ever know. I’ve seen your face all around the city, in the papers and although I am proud of you it does make my heart ache, a constant reminder of the distance between us. 

It is something I can bear no longer. Which is why when I keep my promise to you I will meet you at our spot and march into the palace demanding the King to make you my wife. I know I am no prince or lord but I am yours and I hope with everything in my being you are still mine. You are the only thing that makes this war worth fighting for and we both know it is drawing to a close. So please just hang on a little longer my Love. 

Soon we will have all we can desire; we will be wed; we’ll have children and take them to the lake. You will splash them in the water and then we’ll dry them while we read them stories with tea sat round the fire. Until then we will just have to read our stories apart, me around the fire here and you in front of the fire there. 

All my love, 

Loki. 

“I took his dog tags and the letters he wrote me,put them in a box and buried them by the lake, In the spot where I would always light the fire.” Y/N’s voice shook a little, she had never told anyone where she hid the letters before.

She couldn’t take them with her, if anyone ever found them there would be hell to pay. Burying them seemed like the only option and what better place than in their sanctuary. After she buried them she swore that she would never visit the lake again. About a week after she was told by her Father that she would be marrying Prince James within the next year. 

Bucky had listened to her story and his heart broke for her. He remembered all the times he thought he would never see Nat again while out in the trenches. All the time he was under heavy fire and prayed for some miracle to get him out of it. It made more and more sense now why she had such a hard time opening herself up to new people, especially him.

“I’m sorry, I get it now.” Bucky spoke softly. 

“Thankyou.” Y/N replied offering him a small smile. 

“Did you two have a favourite story in the end?” Bucky asked looking up at the stars. 

Y/N was honestly touched and surprised he had actually been listening to the story. 

“Hamlet I think, it was one we could talk about endlessly.” Y/N smiled at the memory of them. 

With that Bucky excused himself. Y/N simply thought he was allowing her sometime to herself before the big night. For the first time in a long time she let herself think of Loki and not feel too distraught about him.

The ball finally came around. All the Ladies and Lords, prime ministers and ambassadors seemed to be there. Y/N even got to finally see her Mother and Father, she knew she couldn’t but she wanted to so desperately run into her Mother's arms and stay there for the whole night. Instead she merely curtsied to them and shared a few dances with her Father. 

The party seemed to be in full swing, everyone took turns dancing with Y/N while they waited for Bucky to actually arrive. First Steve danced with her, always the gentleman, then Sam, then Pietro who kept remarking on how beautiful she looked tonight and if ‘Barnes screws up I’m more than happy to take his place.’ When Y/N was finally all danced out she sat down at one of the tables with Wanda and Natalia. 

“Do you think Bucky isn’t coming?” Wanda asked concerned. 

Nat and Y/N shared a look. Bucky had always been emotional and brash that after his and Y/N’s talk he could have decided to call off the whole engagement. As much as Y/N wished Nat and him could have a happy ending Y/N had to put her country first. Worry began to spread between the three when suddenly. 

“His Majesty Prince James.” The announcer beconned. 

Y/N looked up the the top of the room to see James and finally arrived. They made eye contact across the room and Bucky came practically bolting down the stairs towards her. Everyone watched the Prince cautiously, knowing what tonight was going to be. Bucky reached Y/N’s table and leaned down towards her. 

“Close your eyes and imagine his voice.” He whispered in her ear so only she would hear. 

Taking a fork and champagne glass he tapped the two together and the crowd instantly went silent. Bucky shot Y/N a look almost saying ‘Do you trust me?’. Y/N simply nodded and Bucky got down onto one knee as Y/N closed her eyes trying to remember Loki’s voice.

“I’ve never been good with words so I’ll leave summing up my love for Y/N to someone who is far better at it than me. Y/N, Doubt thou the stars are fire;Doubt that the sun doth move;Doubt truth to be a liar;But never doubt I love. I love you more with every book we read and every fire we light, will you do me the honor of becoming my Wife and my Queen?” 

“Yes.” Loki

Bucky got up from one knee and placed a small kiss on Y/N’s cheek. 

“Thankyou.” Y/N whispered back at him. 

The whole crowd cheered as the sight of the newly engaged couple. It turned out all those hours Bucky had been gone he was reading Hamlet trying to find the quote Y/N had mentioned when she told him about Loki. It was the start of friendship between Bucky and Y/N and understanding. That no matter who they gave their hearts to, their country would come first. A fondness grew between them over the years, they paved the way for a long and peaceful reign. When Y/N reached the age of 86 she passed away, Bucky buried his Queen back in her homeland by the lake she had told him about, along with a marked grave stone for Loki. The gravestone read, ‘Never Doubt that I love’.

[captainxsassafras]

Ok, I know it's an absolutely ridiculous scenario, but I think with Mirko it might actually work because she's bullheaded and aggressive enough to decide she knows better (not necessarily a criticism! 😚) BUT

I've just got it in my head that she's becoming fast friends with Keigo (I just love them as friends ok? I think they'd get up to all sorts of shenanigans and somehow manage to accidentally be heroic while going about it!). But what if you're also friends with her. Then you let her know you've been feeling kinda lonely lately. She decides this is your way of saying you need to get laid. Then she sees that Keigo is antsy or tired or touch-starved (we all know he is) or whatever, maybe she thinks he's feeling lonely too. And she decides that he needs to get laid too! Well, what do you know! She has two (2) friends who need to get laid! How perfect is that! Simple, she'll just introduce you (it does hurt that she realized you've got nice and complementary personalities and she thinks you two will just have a good time together!), leave you two alone, and BANG (literally)! Problem solved. You're less lonely (Mirko mind: less horny), Keigo's less... Whatever (Mirko mind: horny). Everyone can be more relaxed and less cranky or whatever AND two of her friends got a fun, pleasurable time out of it!

Things do not go as planned. When you said you were feeling lonely, you meant you'd were wanting intimacy and closeness, not necessarily a one night stand. Keigo had been feeling kinda horny lately (Ohohohohoh, but what if his rut is approaching, whole new layer of madness!), but more than that he's just feeling a bit restless and wanting to move around a lot (ok, fine, he doesn't realize it, but he is actually really touch-starved, so he's really just been aching for some good old fashioned affection, but he grew up emotionally repressed (i.e. the commission taught him to ignore desires for intimacy) so he doesn't even recognize his own system yearning for closeness).

AND when Mirko finally does introduce you two and just leaves you two alone at Keigo's apartment (I'm assuming it's bigger and generally a bit nicer things than yours), you just... Don't actually fuck. Especially because Mirko is very straightforward and basically said, ' Alright now go get laid. Have fun you two!' like the weird mom in Mean Girls. Now there's pressure! You can't fuck under that kind of pressure! (I mean, I'm sure you can, but if someone basically ordered me to go get laid, I'm pretty sure I'd take care of it myself just to spite them. 😜)

And you're like, "Sorry, homeboy. I just went along because Rumi said there was food. (Or whatever so your primary motivator.) I didn't really come here to fuck."

And Keigo's is like, "You know, I'm actually not in the mood to fuck a stranger, as cute as you are. Wanna order some takeout and watch a movie?"

(These are obviously ad-libbed, I'm just getting ideas out!)

So the two of you end up cuddling on the couch and you both sate your intense desire to snuggle and be close to someone, but.... It just doesn't stop there? You keep in contact and end up cuddling together very often. And obviously you both find each other attractive (because while I'm a cuddly ho, I'm also a horny one). But you both love snuggling together you don't really want to cross that boundary in case the other doesn't feel the same way. And you become good friends, but MOTHERFUCKING HELL the sexual tension is killing the two of you! But neither wants to break it!

And now Rumi is even more irritated than before because the two of you are even more cranky than before (but also weirdly happy. It's like a horny, cranky happiness because you two enjoy each others' company, but really wanna fuck???), but you won't fuck (she can tell. She may be straightforward and direct, but she can pick up on those subtleties (read: you two are NOT subtle, you're just very dense when it comes to the others' feelings)). And finally, she barges in on the two of you cuddling and just straight up asks, the two of you still entwined so closely that anyone watching would have sworn you were getting sexy, "Hawks, do you want to fuck y/n?" And he isn't ready for it and fidgets and deflects until Rumi is ready to strangle him. And finally he mumbles out, "Yeah."

"How much?"

"What?"

"How badly do you want to fuck them? How long have you wanted to fuck them? How fucking horny are you for them? Give them details! They need to know how you feel, you dumbass!"

And he breaks like a dam! It all spills out. How absolutely fucking horny he is for you all the time. How he has to be so careful when he's cuddling you or you'll get a ride straight to cuddly bonertown. How he can't stop thinking about you. How badly he wants to rail you into the mattress. How much he wants to snugglefuck you to pieces. How he wants to fuck you on every single surface of this apartment, the fuck you again in the bathtub while you're relaxing afterward. And if you're really lucky, he even let's slip how he touches himself (probs like every night if not more) to thoughts of you (very bashful and quiet, because he doesn't want you to think he's a creep).

(Rumi left a long time ago because she's not about to be in the middle of what comes next. She's knows you feel the exact same way.)

And then Hawks runs out of things to say. He's told you everything and you've been quiet (and of course you two are still tangled up together from snuggle time) watching him with rapt attention because dammit you are so fucking elated he wants to fuck you as badly as you want to fuck him, but you also want to keep listening to him because it just keeps adding on to the ecstasy of mutual desire!

And then, feeling nervous cause you haven't said anything, he shifts and you feel it. That beautiful boner saying hello to you right after he'd confessed that he wanted to make wild, wild love to you.

And then, you're pulling him close and kissing him as eagerly as he is you and in between kisses you're murmuring out how badly you've wanted to fuck him for ages, but how you wanted to be friends, but maybe you wanted to date him to, but you were also really really horny and it's so hot that he gets boners fr snuggling you. And he's laughing delightedly and telling you he gets boners from more than cuddling you. It's pretty much everything about you.

Naturally, the two of you go wild and make love everywhere, everywhen, and in as many different positions as you can imagine (and when you run out there's always google).

And Rumi now thinks she's a matchmaking goddess and uses this newfound power to wreak havoc with the lives of her fellow pros!

(Bonus points: she's actually surprisingly good at it?)

(Extra bonus points: if Keigo was close to his rut and that's why he felt antsy before, I can only say with the fullest confidence, that the lustful happiness of finding out you both were in delightfully horny love with each other would 100% send him dick-first in an early rut and that's a whole 'nother story.)

And of course, you and Keigo live happily ever after in horny, snuggly, sexy bliss.

@queensynderella @heyitswhiplash @lovekeigo @keilemlucent @mindninjax I feel like this is an idea y'all could get behind! 😘

[lannister-slings-and-arrows]

#8 with Javier and each time he gets more and more flustered bc somehow brushing hands is far more intimate than sex and he doesn't know what to do with feelings and in the end y'all somehow end up holding hands and everyone except the two of you notice that you haven't let go yet (sorry I took the prompt and fucking sprinted lmaoo)

8. Hands brushing unexpectedly (plus a little extra lol)

The first time that it happened it was such a casual occurrence that neither one of them acknowledged it. They were both reaching for the same map, the desk space that was allocated to the three of them wasn’t exactly large, it was frankly a little surprising that their hands hadn’t brushed before this. She had already knocked heads with Murphy twice; that man needed to learn to stop hunching over so far, he had plenty of room above her head where she couldn't reach anyways there was no need for him to invade the space closer to the ground.

So when Javier Peña’s hand brushed hers he didn’t think twice about swatting it out of his way and taking the map for himself. She huffed in annoyance and tried to grab it back- but was cut off by Murphy shoving another copy into her face with an annoyed “stop it”. He smirked at her triumphantly and that was that.

The second time their hands brushed she was handing him a cup of what he was pretty sure at one point was definitely coffee but now more closely resembled activated charcoal mixed with hot water. She rarely deigned to fetch coffee for the three of them (in all honesty he was nearly as bad- if Murphy was going to mother the both of them anyways, why bother), so he took it from her with a surprised smile and didn’t mention the fact that this was probably not safe for human consumption. As she handed it over, his fingers rested over hers and he nearly dropped the cup of sludge. When was the last time he had noticed how warm they were? Had he ever? He looked down at their fingers and he couldn’t help but notice how much smaller than his hers were. Were his hands that much bigger than normal?

He quickly grabbed the cup from her, ignoring the “enraged mongoose” (he would forever be so proud of himself for making that comparison once in the hearing of that one gossipy CIA agent- now it had become synonymous with her and her bursts of tiny mammal like fury, much to her annoyance) noise that she made and threw himself into his chair. He stared at Murphy’s hands and then back down at his own. No, they were pretty normal sized. He couldn’t get the image of her fingers underneath his own, he couldn’t even banish the image by fantasizing about other things they could do that would involve her underneath him. Murphy eventually noticed the older agent staring at his hands with a deep furrow of annoyance on his forehead and threw an eraser at him.

“What’s with you?” Peña cut his eyes to Vic, who had looked up at the question and was now staring at him expectantly. He grunted.

“Nothing. Get back to work.”

He was on the look out for this weird feeling by the time his hand brushed hers the third time. He was about ninety percent sure she had dislocated three of her fingers on her right hand hanging off the roof of a building they had been chasing their latest quarry through and couldn’t switch the safety off on her gun. Normally, he would tell her to stay behind him and stay out of the way but she had made it very clear, loudly and violently, that she was breeching that door with him and he could just go fuck himself “with something sharp and sandpaper-y” if he talked to her like a child one more time. So he reached over and flicked the button to its proper position for her.

His left hand was mostly safe, a few fingers barely brushed hers as he gripped the top of the gun to hold it steady. It was his right hand that took the brunt of the contact, his palm rested fully on top of the back of her hand and there it was. That feeling again. He had been stabbed in the stomach once back in that States and it had felt similar to this. This hot and cold swooping feeling low in his stomach that made him anxious and angry and resentful. He dropped her gun and her hand like they had burnt him and kicked the door open a little more violently than was probably necessary, if the look on Murphy’s face was anything to go by. He didn’t fucking care, this was ridiculous and he was mad.

Javier made a conscious effort for the next few weeks to make sure that their hands stayed in their own personal space bubbles. There were a few close calls to be sure, but he was careful. He was on the look out for this feeling, this brief intimacy that she seemed to not even notice that for some reason was driving him insane. Even when they weren’t touching he was thinking about touching her hands, and watching her hands, and wanting to cut off the hands of everyone else around them when they had the nerve, the sheer fucking audacity to brush against hers, and then just not even notice. How could they not?! How could they ignore the callous on her middle finger from holding a pen, or the ones on her palms from holding a gun? Didn't they feel that feeling, that emptiness and longing and joy and awe that the briefest of contact conveyed?

Javi jumped back in shock when he realized that he was no longer just imagining that feeling but that Vic’s hand had brushed all the way from his wrist to his fingers as she reached around him to shove Murphy’s feet off of his desk. She gave him a brief, questioning glance before turning back to the blond agent she had just woken up to question him about something that Javier knew he should probably be paying attention to. But how could he? That feeling was eating him up inside again and he needed to go smoke about twenty cigarettes to try and eradicate it.

Peña was unsuccessful at getting rid of it. The more he tried to ignore it the worse it got, it seemed that the only time he was able to dull it to a quiet roar was when he allowed himself to think about how warm her hand felt against his, how scratchy her shredded cuticles felt (if he had to listen to Murphy lecture Vic one more time about how picking and chewing at them was a great way to pick up all sorts of bugs and set herself up for infections around her fingers he was honestly going to puncture his own ear drums), how surprisingly soft her skin was where there wasn’t any physical evidence of the work she did. So he really should have guessed that something was wrong two nights later when he paused briefly while giving Carrillo a sitrep and realized that the feeling was almost settled.

Peña and Vic had been chasing someone into a trap being laid a few blocks away by Murphy and Carrillo when the asshole had led them into a warren like maze of alleys and dead end streets completely devoid of external lighting. He had grabbed her hand to keep them together and they had plunged into the labyrinth, emerging on the other side panting and unsuccessful- somehow the guy had managed to escape again.

And that was what he was telling Murph and Carrillo. It wasn’t that shocking- it's not like he was the first drug runner the team had lost, and they knew how to find him again so he wasn’t completely gone with the wind. He really did not know why the two men were looking at Vic and he like they were. Carrillo’s mouth was gaping slightly and Murphy looked like he was about to explode trying not to smile. What the hell…

“What?!” Peña finally snapped. “What the hell is wrong with you? Did you guys manage to bag him or something?” Carrillo nodded at Vic standing next to him. “What, I don’t understand” He looked over and down at his partner and she smiled up at him. He looked back at the two other men and scowled.

Finally Murphy was able to control himself enough to clear his throat, rub his hand over his mustache and ask, grinning like an idiot,

“Afraid you were gonna lose your way while giving us that report, Peña?” Peña narrowed his eyes at the blond man who nodded down at his hand.

He was still hanging on to Vic for dear life, fingers intertwined with hers, thumb rubbing small circles on the back of her hand. He looked up at her, wide eyed, still not letting go, a little terrified. She shrugged.

“News to me too pal.”

He didn't drop her hand.

(I used my OC from The Boss for the sole reason of I just started typing and that’s what came out lol.)

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Despair (15x18)

I'm having an out of body experience, I cannot believe this. Last night was legitimately one of the weirdest nights of my life, and not just because of *gestures broadly* but also because of *gestures broadly* and myriad other small but still totally bizarre personal things coming at me from all angles... strap in, y'all, I've got some shit to say.

Cons:

We're gonna talk about it. Ohhhh, we're gonna talk about it. But let's start with some other shit before we get there.

So... are we ignoring "Dean was willing to let Jack sacrifice himself" or something? Like there was that moment with Sam and Dean where they talked about it, and Dean apologizes for pulling a gun on Sam, and Sam is like "oh it's okay Dean, no worries." But at the beginning of this episode, Dean seems to be just as worried for Jack, and as protective of him, as the others, with absolutely no acknowledgment of what happened in the last episode. This... should have mattered. There should have been some regrouping and some serious talks about this. Seriously.

The Thanos snap thing... guys, when Infinity War did it in 2018, it was kind of fun and shocking and cool, and we knew the deaths wouldn't be permanent but it was still wild to watch our heroes react to such an immense loss and then leave us all in limbo for a year. This... is not that. The sheer tone-deafness of having this episode contain a moment of domesticity for AU!Charlie and her cool egg-making girlfriend Stevie, only to have Stevie vanish... and then to end the episode with the biggest queer-bait/bury your gays moment imaginable... like...

Okay, sorry, no, saving the Destiel thing until I've sorted out the rest of this nonsense. The point is, seems pretty clear that the deaths in this episode (other than Cas') are temporary, and Supernatural already has the biggest power creep problem of any show I've ever seen... they really couldn't think of another way to up the stakes for the ending, other than doing the thing where everyone gets killed? Didn't... Crowley... already do this to them several seasons back? Am I hallucinating? There's nothing new under the sun with this show.

Why does this show introduce things and resolve them in a single episode? Like, big, huge things? We just figured out Death was trying to double-cross them, and now by the end she's dead? This show either limps along and does nothing, or speeds through plot stuff at lightning-speed. These last two episodes were big and dramatic and full of Plot but in a way where it all feels kind of unreal. Pacing issues like whoa.

And speaking of. Ahem. Okay. Let's... let's do this. I have some things about the Destiel scene that I'm going to put in the "pros" section below, and hopefully as you read on you'll understand why it's really hard for me to be black and white about it. If I had to, if I had to determine whether I am "happy" or "sad" or "grateful" or "angry" I'd say... sad and angry, 97%? Like? Let's dive in, here.

Setting aside the larger context, a couple of smaller notes:

Acting-wise, what the fuck was Jensen doing in this scene? Misha was acting his whole heart out and Jensen gave him nothing to play off of. I don't understand how Jensen accidentally played Dean so obviously in love with Cas all this time, and then in this moment, no-homo'd it so fucking hard. Even the stage directions in the script page that was floating around said that Dean didn't reciprocate. That's dumb, like, in a shipping sense it's disappointing, but also... Dean, what was your face doing while Cas gave his whole monologue about how amazing you are? What a great and loving man you are? Even if he hadn't ended the whole thing by saying "I love you" and then dying right in front of your eyes, surely you would have been feeling some kind of way about the whole situation?

Also, the scene was shot so awkwardly, there was too much space between them, and then Cas pushes Dean out of the way and he just sits there on the floor with Pikachu-face while The Empty opens up and takes Death and Cas away, making these weird shocked noises... Supernatural often has awkward pacing when dramatic things are happening in action scenes, where certain people have to stand still like it's not their turn on the initiative order in a D&D fight or something, and this was one of the more embarrassing and awkward examples of that.

Cas' deal with The Empty has not been brought up practically since it happened. Cas has been sidelined as a character a lot this season, the past couple seasons, really, but we had this hanging over our heads, right? When Cas says "I've figured it out, true happiness isn't in having, it's just in saying it", the moment doesn't really work on a character level, because we didn't get to see Cas do any of that figuring out. We didn't know he was curious about his true happiness, we didn't know it was an internal struggle/debate for him, wondering what it could be. A lot of Destiel people wanted it to be Dean confessing his love to Cas, and that being the true happiness... but of course that would never happen in a million years. Others thought it would be "yay we defeated the big evil, we can all be a happy family together," oh snap, I'm too happy, goodbye. Which would have been... weirdly anticlimactic, but at least would have made some level of narrative sense. This idea that telling Dean how he feels would bring Cas peace is... well, it's okay, it's fine in isolation, but there's no buildup to it, no tension to his moment of "realization."

And now to fry some bigger fish...

Let's forget about the fact that we never thought this would happen to begin with. Is it actually... worse that it did? Seriously, queer angel man confesses his love to stoic human man who stands there without making a single expression, and the act of confessing said love, knowing it's not reciprocated, knowing he won't get to be with Dean or even be near him ever again, is enough to make Castiel so truly happy that he's willing to die peacefully and forever, all in the act of saving Dean's life? Is that not... like... textbook homophobia? People toss around "bury your gays" a lot and I think what they're missing is that the trope doesn't automatically apply just because a queer character dies. It means a queer character dies because of their queerness, or they are revealed to be queer but can't get any measure of happiness and then they die immediately. This is textbook that. The act of confessing his GAY LOVE is what KILLED CAS. It's a one-to-one sequence of events. It's not a coincidence that Cas died right after saying this. Saying this is what made him die. That's... appalling. Truly, in a very real sense, it's appalling.

Another thing I haven't seen people talk about much is the manufactured nature of this sacrifice. We just found out Billie was going to turn on them at the end of the last episode. If Cas was going to die in a sacrifice-y way, did it have to happen now when Billie was basically just knocking on the door trying to get at Dean for a last-minute revenge thing, even though Billie was already at death's door? This was so contrived, like, can Cas not whoosh them away to somewhere else? Keep them running until Billie succumbs? I get that it wouldn't have been easy, and maybe Billie could have caught up to them anyway, but my point is, they manufactured this moment to be "the only way" that Dean could survive, making Cas' sacrifice so noble and necessary or whatever... but I was sitting there thinking there's got to be another way. If they'd wanted to write in another way, there could have been. The inevitability felt so very contrived. And, as mentioned, the impact of dying on this show has lost all meaning, so even Billie trying to kill Dean, squeezing his heart in his chest, did absolutely nothing for me. I knew he'd be fine, because there are two more episodes left. And if Cas hadn't been there to do what he did, Dean would still have been fine because he's Dean. Am I making any sense?

We have two more episodes left. I am... fairly confident Misha won't be in those episodes. All context, both within the show and without, points to that. I truly think that after all this time, he gets the only ending in the whole show that's unambiguously unsalvageable and tragic. We have a world where the afterlife exists and people can hang out there, but The Empty is a different beast, and this means Cas is... gone. Permanently. Like, his consciousness no longer exists, he's caput. They could bring him back from The Empty, in fact, they've already done it once... but if they decide not to, that's just... where we leave things, and that's brutal and unnecessarily grim. The other characters, even if we get an end-of-show TPK (which would be STUPID, more on that later), could at least have canon or implied-canon reunions in the afterlife. If we don't see Eileen again, we can get the implied ending of her coming back to life, or Sam dying and joining her in Heaven. Same with Charlie, with Charlie's new girlfriend, with Bobby, with Donna, with every other character that's died along the way, including Mary Winchester and OG Charlie, OG Bobby, whatever you want. The fact that Cas gets this, after everything, is truly the part I'm the most sad about, setting aside love confessions entirely.

So as I said, two more episodes. I'm worried that Cas dying is gonna get swallowed up with everyone dying and not get its due, thus making the confession completely isolated. Like, here you go, gays, have this one scene, which, in isolation is quite heartfelt from Cas' perspective, but can be carefully boxed up and not touched for the last two hours of the show. If they don't want to touch on how this would affect Dean specifically, they don't have to. He can be generally angsty and sad about Cas, but they could get away with never bringing it up again, and that is some grade-A level bullshit right there, my friends. At minimum, Dean needs to tell Sam about this. He probably won't, but he should, if the show has any sense of integrity left in its bones.

Ahem. Like I said, I have... lots of thoughts. More on Destiel later, but let's turn to the "Pros" section and talk about some other aspects of this incredibly crowded episode.

Pros:

Despite my issues with everything that didn't get resolved re: Dean letting Jack die, I did kind of like the "to somehow" scene, because it was a nice little breather for the brothers, it solidified them as being on the same side to the bitter end, that despite all the crazy shit they've been through, that they've put each other through, they'll have this as a bedrock at the end of the day. I'm not a brothers-only sort of fan, at all, in fact, I think a brothers-only ending betrays most of what's beautiful about this show in its good moments. But they are the stars, they are the protagonists, they should be the center of their own story, and I like it when we get check-ins like this, that shows how unshakable they are underneath all the other crap.

Charlie and Stevie... okay, cute that their names are like that, cute that Charlie said: "I liked the way she handled herself" and that's how they got together... eggs are cute, whatever... and if these deaths are impermanent, which... come on... they have to be, I do like that Charlie gets to have a girlfriend and be happy as a hunter and as someone's partner.

I liked the tense car ride with Sam texting Eileen, with Dean, Jack, and Cas all silent in the car with him... that was a nice moment of solidarity, all of them entirely on the same page about being there for Sam and helping Eileen however they could... even knowing the futility. What were they going to do when they got there? That was a great tension-building moment, in isolation, even though the deaths are likely temporary.

Cas and Jack's talk was good, I'll admit I've definitely been won over by Cas and Sam as Jack's dads... Dean too, once upon a time, but dude needs to do some groveling before he gets to be Dad again, seriously. It's nice that in the midst of all the chaos, there was a check-in moment. Jack is the embodiment of a lot of our end-game themes, here. He had a noble destiny to sacrifice himself, and then it fizzled out and didn't work, and now he's just left in the aftermath, not sure what to do with himself. It was important that Cas tell him that Jack is worthy of love and family, even if he's not "useful" in the way he thought he could be. Definitely nice to have that nailed in.

If we're following the Infinity War/Endgame line, the last two episodes will be majority Sam, Dean, and Jack, but at the last moment there will be a way to reverse it, and everyone else will come back in a moment of triumph. But probably not so much Castiel, which... well... see above complaints. The point is, seeing Charlie, Bobby, Donna, Eileen, etc. all burst forth for one final moment of glory could be really cool, if they manage to stick the landing with it. It'll be an incredibly manufactured sense of triumph and nostalgia, but it will probably work on me because it's been... guys, I don't know if you know this, but it's been kind of an emotional year. :)

I will say, working under the assumption that the dead characters will come back, I'm actually oddly... not mad about Donna dying. It was actually a legitimately shocking twist. A rule was set up: if a person had died before and been resurrected, or if a person was from another universe, they could be Thanos snapped by Billie. Makes sense. Sam and Dean are in danger because of all their deaths, Jack and Cas aren't safe for the same reason. Charlie, Bobby, Eileen... sure. But Donna should have been safe, given the parameters we started with.

And then Dean and Cas are confronting Billie, she says she's not killing anyone, we realize it must be Chuck... and then Donna, who isn't from another world, who has never died... GONE. I gasped.

And the hits kept coming... Billie is dying because Dean killed her with that small wound, and didn't even know it. That's another excellent twist. The past two episodes, back to back, have kept me on my toes about who to ultimately be afraid of. Chuck? Billie? The Empty? It's so much better than this slow march to Chuck vs. Sam and Dean that we've been getting all season, even if we do loop around to Chuck again as the final Big Bad.

The Empty is actually quite a complex, interesting idea for a villain, this entity that doesn't get involved in petty squabbles, doesn't have personal vendettas, but actually just wants to sleep and be left alone. Having Meg be the Empty's face here at the end is also a nice touch. I wish we could have had more of this, truthfully, and I'm curious how The Empty will play a role in how things shake out, if at all.

So... I want to go back to something I've been saying these past couple episodes, about how if this show has a grimdark ending, it will be a betrayal of everything they've set up. It will be so stupid that my anger will manifest in yet another round of hysterical giggles. What I suspect is that we'll get something peaceful, something where trauma will linger but people will get to start anew. Maybe Jack creates a new world outside of Chuck's power. Maybe Sam and Dean take over as God and the Darkness, as some people suggested, and Jack is the new Death. Maybe maybe maybe. Bottom line, I could be satisfied with the majority of this ending, and I can even (obliquely, reluctantly) understand that they wanted one final perma-death to really make the stakes feel higher. If they aren't killing off the Winchesters, that leaves Castiel. So what I'm saying in this paragraph is basically that I'm not guaranteed to despise the ending of this show yet. They could still get it right.

God, that sounds pretty bleak, doesn't it?

Before I end this, I want to talk about, as promised, the few Destiel-related points that I'd classify as "pros", albeit with a big asterisk.

First off, Misha clearly found the moment very cathartic, and he pulled out all the stops, and, in isolation, the confession was hella romantic and quite poignant. Without context, just reading these lines? "The one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have" and "because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you..." like, that's some premium content, I won't lie. I also kind of enjoy the idea that Cas finds happiness in saying the words out loud, in being true to who he is. I hate a lot about what happened to Cas here, but if Cas' arc, in its totality, is about embracing humanity, and Dean is the anchor to that, this really does come full circle. He pulled Dean out of Hell, he saved him, he loved him, he'll die for him, and in accepting that love, that human love, he is finally at peace with who he is. Now, mind my comments above, I'm still not happy, but I can see how in one sense, this is narratively poignant. And if others are satisfied with it, I'm happy for them.

(Added bonus, while Jensen's acting was WACK for the majority of that scene, I did like the ending shot, the silence, him not answering Sam's call, crying silently into his hands. That was very nicely shot and acted, I thought.)

Secondly, and this isn't actually praise for the show, it's more a... meta experience? I have to say, the idea that Destiel became sort of canon, but in the most homophobic way possible, in the year 2020, while we're all still waiting for election results to come in is... one of the wildest, most hilarious things to ever have happened to me. I mean it, last night sitting alone in my house I kept cackling loudly to myself, in complete and utter disbelief. I saw Tumblr explode in a way that hasn't happened in years. I was transported back in time nearly a full decade, to the person I was when I started writing these reviews, or even before that, when I was new to Supernatural, new to the whole concept of being truly involved in a fandom.

Here's the thing... I never. Ever. EVER. Thought we would get any sort of textual confirmation. I thought at most, if they went for a happy ending for everyone, we'd get Dean and Cas as hunting partners, and we could all fill in the post-canon gaps. I once told my sister that I'd be happy with a one-sided love confession from Cas to Dean, because that part was practically canon before last night, and in a way, I am happy. I'm happy that this crazy thing actually happened, and if nothing else, all of those clowns can put away their makeup. I was never with them. I never believed, and there's this sliver of me that's happy to have been wrong. It's completely bogus how it happened, but the fact that we live in a reality where it happened is still kind of tripping me out in a major way. So I'm happy, I'm... flabbergasted, but I'm experiencing a very unique, unprecedented soup of emotions this morning and I never would have felt like this if Cas had died with a no homo parting.

And that's the thing, they let it be unambiguously about Dean, not just in that one moment, but all along, and that's really satisfying in a meta narrative sense that when everyone was reading it as "Castiel is in love with Dean," they were... correct. It doesn't really matter when they decided this, in last night's episode they made it crystal-clear that it wasn't a whim, wasn't a recent development, in-universe. This has been Cas' truth from very, very early on, his entire experience since meeting Dean has been shaped by him, he's loved him all this time. That... I don't know, it's absolutely bonkers that this is all we're going to get, but it does mean something, if you want to let it.

Welcome back to 2012, Tumblr. Last night was a wild ride, I won't deny.

I'm giving the episode a bad score, but I just want to say the Destiel scene gets a simultaneous infinity-out-of-ten and also zero-out-of-ten, imploding the multiverse instantly. That's where I'm at, folks. Insert gif of Chidi dropping Peeps into a big pot of chili. I'm gonna go take a nap.

6/10

[kyber-kisses]

Too Soon (Part 1)

Dean Winchester x Reader

A/n: This is my rewritten/edited part one to Too Soon! Since Season 15 is coming back soon I thought I would go through and edit the chapters. I hope y'all enjoy! ( Also I will only be tagging the spn taglist for the first part, as not to annoy some people. If you want to be updated on this series just send me an ask!)

Warnings: Worried!Dean, character death, season 14 spoilers.

Summary: When the reader is suddenly killed by Jack, a series of events unfolds that leaves both the alive and the deceased stunned.

“Hello Y/N, my name is Jessica.”

The voice was sudden, making you whirl around on the spot, hands reaching for your gun purely out of instinct. Your eyes instantly locked on a lone female before you, eyebrows knotting together in confusion. Just a moment ago you had been talking to Jack.

Now. . .well now he was nowhere to be seen.

“Forgive me for asking but where the hell did you come from?” You questioned, taking a step closer to the unknown woman.

“I’m a reaper. I’m here to lead you to your next life.”As she said it, you could see a gentle smile slip onto her face, for an instant you swore you caught a hint of sadness or pity hidden within her eyes as well. You took a step back, mind reeling with the answer she had just given you.

“That- that can’t be right. Because if that were true. That would mean- that would mean I’m dead. And I-I can’t be dead.” You stumbled over the words, trying desperately to make sense of what was happening.

No. No you couldn’t be dead. That didn’t make sense.

“I’m sorry. I understand that you're shock.” Jessica stepped forward, reaching out her hand, waiting patiently for you to take it, clearly prepared to take you through the veil-- But you didn’t notice. Your mind was trying to piece together what had happened.

Jack. You had been talking to Jack. He was upset and angry and you had been trying to calm him down. He was yelling, god he was yelling so much- and then there was a blast.

Blast.

“Oh god.” Your hand flew to your mouth as your mind caught up to you. You knew deep down Jack never meant to hurt you, but you also knew he could still be unpredictable at times. You felt the burn of oncoming tears in your eyes as your body sunk the the ground, heels pressing hard into the eye sockets.

Fuck, fuck, fuck-

Your head was spinning at a million miles an hour until it hit a brick wall of one solid thought that towered above all the rest.

Dean. Oh no, Dean didn’t know. Neither did Sam or Cas. A choked sob left your lips as the tears finally spilled over your lashes. That one person repeatedly flashing in your mind. Dean. You had known him practically all your life, and loved him for at least half of it. You always told yourself that one day you would tell him. Except now with your current situation, that was clearly never going to happen.

Dean. Dean with his big green eyes, and freckled splashed face,Dean with his dumb jokes and secretly dorky personality.  There were so many things you loved about that man, from the way he laughed to the terrible jokes he cracked and everything in between. His rare but big smile and his even bigger heart. You were never supposed to fall in love with your best friend, but its a difficult thing not to do when that person was Dean.

You flinched slightly when Jessica knelt down in front of you, forgetting the reapers presence.

“Don’t worry. He loved you too, and for a very long time I might add.”

You looked up into Jessica’s eyes, your own slightly glazed with confusion.

“How do you know?” the question leaving your lips in barely a whisper as you fought to ignore the hot tears trekking down your face. Jessica stood up, waiting for you to rise to her level.

“I’ve been watching over you and the Winchester’s for a long time. I pay attention.” She smiled. You nodded, immediately seeing that she was telling the truth. She reached out her hand again.

“Are you ready to go?”

Ready to go? That was such a heavy question. You had never exactly feared death. In truth it was just another beginning, right? You paused, thinking it through. There was nothing else for you to do here. You couldn't just stride back into the land of the living and back to your life and family. The only option was to take her outstretch hand.

“As long as you promise to do something for me.” You stated firmly, sliding your hand into hers before rising to your feet with a shaky breath.

“Of course. Anything.” She smiled. You nodded again, finally accepting your fate you reached out and took her hand.

*. *. *. *.

Dean knew something was wrong the moment you didn’t pick up your phone. You were the type of person to always answer no matter what. It was a rarity if you didn't answer. So when the phone went through its cycle of rings eventually getting to your voicemail, he took a deep inhale to calm himself.

“Hello, you have reached the voicemail of Y/N Y/L/N. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your call. I’m just waiting for more important people to call. If I hear your message and deem you worthy or the title “important,” I will think about calling you back, but for now. Bye!”-Beep-

Lowering his phone from his ear, Dean looked down at the screen, your profile picture staring brightly up at him. Your face scrunched as you stuck your tongue out. In any other occasion he probably would have smiled, but instead he just let out a light “Damn it-” before slipping it back into his pocket.

He hated that you had ventured out alone to go find Jack. He should have gone with you. He should have dropped everything and just gone with you. Now you could be in trouble and in need of assistance. What if you were injured . . .or worse?

The Winchester brothers then proceeded to launch into action the moment they agreed something was not right. They had Rowena going through every page of the Book of the Damned looking for a tracking spell, and Cas was trying to find Jacks last known whereabouts.

“Anything?” Dean huffed, momentarily stopping his continuous pacing to look over at his brother, who was currently hunched over his laptop trying desperately to track Jacks phone. They had tried tracking yours earlier, only to find your phone sitting on one of the vacant tables in the library untouched and almost out of battery . He expected Sam to respond with yet another Nope but was surprised when he heard something else.

“Dean, check this out.” Sam swiveled his laptop around to face him, pointing at Jacks icon.

“Wait- is he flying?” The two brothers watched as the icon pinged to another location, and then another before landing firmly on an empty area in Nebraska. After a minute of no change, Dean was rushing towards the door, wrapping his jacket around him and grabbing the keys to the impala.

Sam knew there was no holding his brother back, especially when it came to your safety. The younger Winchester exhaled before slamming the laptop shut and following the fading heels of his brothers boots.

*. *. *.

Dean had practically been white knuckling the steering wheel since he slipped into the drivers seat. He was silently trying to calm himself down, but it just wasn’t working.

You were fine. You were fine. You were safe and alive and completely out of harms way. You were fine.

“Oh crap.” Sam's sigh of frustration yanked Deans eyes away from the road.

“What?” His voice thick with worry as he watched his brother flick through his phone.

“I lost Jacks signal. His phone must have died.”

The older Winchester let out a string of curses before slamming his foot harder on the gas. And with that a two hour drive was cut down to a smooth 45 minutes.

Dean immediately made out your car when the slowly pulled to a stop at the end of the old dirt road the gps had sent them down, the vehcile parked alone in front of an old run down cabin. The impala had barely been put into park before the older Winchester was launching himself out of his seat and running foreword, flashlight in hand.

“You go inside, I’ll check around back.”

“Got it.”

It didn’t take long for Dean to find something out of the ordinary, as he stepped through the trees his eyes widened, jade irises filled with confusion and worry. He didn’t have to call for Sam before he heard the loud footsteps running towards him. No words were exchanged as Dean knelt down, running his fingers along the earth, pulling up ash. The light of their flashlights panning over the charred and blackened earth that stretched out for several yards.

Dean needed to find you, and quickly . . .

(A/N: if you would like to be added to my slowly growing Too Soon Taglist, feel free to send me a message or ask!)

SPN Taglist: (Still Open)

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[baka-monarch]

Fun fact: The guy who does/is Elmo (Kevin Clash), is African American. He helps children-that includes white children- every day b being Elmo. Saying that "Black lives don't matter", being racist, or just being disrespectful to the black community in general, is ignoring that Kevin and people like him are amazing and spectacular, they should be appreciated and have the same rights as everyone else.

I have met so many white people who look up to Elmo, who idolize him, but still, look down on the black community. It is sickening, to sit next to someone I knew in elementary school, that had an Elmo plush, talked nonstop about Sesame Street, and was one of the few guys who was nice to the girls in our class, now sit next to me in high school and be yelling the N-word at his phone screen because his girlfriend across the room is beating him in that new Maro Kart app.

Usually, I wouldn't talk about Elmo and Sesame Street in a post about this sort of shit, but I think it's just so wrong how I have been in public buildings and overheard Mothers tell their children, who have a tickle me Elmo and a little super Grover costume, to avoid people who are not white like them, even though the man who is raising their child in the most loving and educational way, through the use of a red puppet, is one of those people who they are criminalizing.

And with the shit that is going on right now, I have had enough of this racism.

Fuck everyone.

Literally, this all started because some white dudes brought Africans, that didn't have a lot of money, with them to America claiming that this was how those people were going to get a job and make a living, when instead those white people just enslaved their children and taught other white people that because someone looks different it's okay to not treat them like a person. This lead to white people enslaving Native Americans, forcing them out of their land, and killing them if they didn't let these mother ducking whiteasses do what they wanted.

Now, y'all may want to disagree, but that is LITERALLY what happened in history. And because of this history white people ended up being raised to think this way, and even after a war, after a protest, and a speech about one man's dream for people to stop being dumbasses and look at the bigger picture of-

we are humans. Killing. Beating. Torturing. And treating people like animals. For what? Because some people look different? On a playground, when a little girl has a massive bucktooth and is made fun of for it, they ask for help and they receive it. When a human is threatened or beaten, they can not ask for help because the help will blame them for the bucktooth that is a stereotype.

And it's just so stupid.

I am so sick and tired of hearing offensive slang about groups of people because they are different and therefore not human.

The literal dictionary definition of a human being is so vague that it claims that as long as we are not distinguished as an animal we are human.

So, a human can have a third limb. A human can share an abdomen with another human. A human can be 10ft tall. A human can have a brain that works faster than what is considered average. A human can not hear. A human can not see. A human can not speak. A human can not move.

So why the fuck are there so many accounts of humans being hurt by humans?

It's so fucking stupid that when I look at history I laugh at the lies I was told growing up that made the world look so perfect, but now that I'm older I get to see the real picture.

Thomas Jefferson. Was not a good man. He raped his slaves and sold their children off to work on plantations.

The constitution did not give people their rights. People marched and protested and got their own rights.

The Church is usually corrupted. Before Martin Luthar wrote the 95 Thesis in 1517, pastors were telling people that the only way to be free of sin was to pay them all the money they could.

The USA nuked Japan. Not to end the war, but because the President decided to stay seated on his fat ass instead of trying to make a peace treaty.

History is fucked. Learn from it bitches and actually try to be nice to your fellow humans for a change.

[dragonagecompanionsreact]

Hey there! I hope you guys are doing good! As for my ask, I was wondering if you could do a scenario of maybe the companions and advisers reacting to finding out the Inquisitor is Dovakiin/Dragonborn. (Romance included if you can/want) I hope y'all have yourselves a lovely day! :D

Cassandra: “Dragons are beautiful creatures. The Maker has given you a great gift. Use it wisely,” Cassandra tells the Inquisitor. The power could be dangerous in the wrong hands, but the Inquisitor would never misuse such a gift. As someone who hails from

Nevarra, it is a relief the fabled Dragonborn is someone to never take advantage of the power given to them. If Romanced: Cassandra may never admit to it, but she vividly remembers reading romance novels where there we’re dashing heroes and dragons. As a young woman, it was enough to make her swoon. Unfortunately, Cassandra finds it still seems to have that effect when she learns the Inquisitor is Dragonborn. The only difference is Cassandra is able to hide it much better than when she was young.

Varric: “Inquisitor at this point I don’t have to come up with anything. Your story writes itself!” The Inquisitor is a walking, talking fantasy novel. He thought Hawke had it bad, but the Inquisitor really one ups his dear friend after knowledge of the Dragonborn makes the rounds of Skyhold. At this point the Inquisitor’s story is going to be a full out autobiography. No creative license necessary.

Cole: Cole knows early on about the Inquisitor’s connection with dragons. He is unable to figure it out in the beginning. All Cole knows is that once after fighting a dragon, there is this moment of calm where their thoughts and feelings are intertwined. “Both of you hurt, but I can’t fix it. Why can’t I fix the hurt?” He loves to help and becomes saddened when he cannot.

Vivienne: “Darling, this is amazing news. Imagine the power you’ll wield.” Vivienne once again applauds her decision to side with the Inquisitor. She also feels the need to warn the Inquisitor about having such a power. Being Dragonborn will cause many to try to cozy up to them. Some (if not many) will have ill intentions. Of course, that is where she and the rest of the Inquisition comes in.

Solas: He can remember the first Dragonborn. They were one of his people who were caught in the crossfire after he created the veil. It seems strange that the Inquisitor just so happens to be Dragonborn as well. In the end it is of little consequence to Solas for he still plans to bring down the veil and reunite this world with fade. If Romanced: His vhenan seems to be full of surprises. First she survives the conclave and now appears to be the fabled Dragonborn. The news means little to him because it changes nothing. He loves the Inquisitor despite the many attempts to ignore the feelings he holds for her. For the time being, he will enjoy their time together because eventually Solas will be forced to end things. Whether he truly wants too or not.

Sera: “Inky tell me I can shoot arrows while riding on the Dragon, yeah?” Sera doesn’t like weird magic stuff, but like Bull she thinks dragons are pretty fucking cool. The Inquisitor doesn’t her question right away and just gives her a look. Sera grins. That’s a yes. She knows it. If Romanced: Sera would normally think it was awesome, but ever since the Inky made her fall in love with her, all she does is worry. Being Dragonborn will paint a bigger target on her back. Not only from

Corypheshit, but from any other baddies. The Inquisitor can tell Sera’s worried by just looking at her. Stupid Inky and stupid love.

Dorian: “Fascinating! Do you mind relieving me of the heavy burden this curiosity is forcing to weigh on my shoulders by answering a few questions?” Dorian asks, eyes twinkling. It’s slight retribution for the questions the Inquisitor posed to him about Tevinter just after Dorian’s arrival in Haven. Given the grin on the Inquisitor’s face, they see exactly what he is up too. Good. Then Dorian won’t have any trouble getting his questions answered and sharing a glass of wine with his dear friend at the same time. If Romanced: As a scholar, Dorian is fascinated by the idea of a Dragonborn. However, thinking of his Amatus having yet another unpredictable power is enough to send Dorian’s worry skyrocketing. He knew when he fell in love with the Inquisitor it would be difficult given the many threats on his life, but knowing and trying to accept it are two very different things.

Iron Bull: Bull doesn’t know what to say at first. All he can think about is: dragons! They are powerful and dangerous creatures. Nothing like killing one to get your blood pumping. And the Inquisitor can basically control them. It takes practice and learning spells to get to that point, the Inquisitor explains, but Bull has already tuned out. Dragons! If Romanced: “Kadan, I’ll be in your room. Come find me when you get a moment alone.” Bull’s blood is pumping in excitement, leading to images of being with the Inquisitor and a dragon they just killed feet from them. He grumbles to himself and hopes the War Council doesn’t keep his Kadan too long.

Blackwall: Maker, he doesn’t understand any of this magic stuff going on in Thedas. It all goes over his head. The Inquisitor being Dragonborn falls into that category. He will remain by the Inquisitor’s side no matter what title they take or power they wield. Provided they are still committed to being good. If Romanced: The woman is bloody amazing. Blackwall learns this early on and it really has nothing to do with her ability to command dragons or to close rifts. She has a way of getting others to believe in her. Blackwall falls in love with her quickly. He attempts to stay away but it fails every time. She threatens to sick a dragon on him should he try to run away by saying she’s to good for him. This only makes him fall harder for the Inquisitor.

Leliana: “It should come of no surprise that I learned of your Dragonborn status back when you were imprisoned in Haven,” Leliana informs the Inquisitor when they come to speak with her alone one day about the secret they’d been keeping. The Inquisitor looks surprised, which in  turn, surprises Leliana. What kind of spy would she be of she didn’t gather all information available?

Josephine:  ��Inquisitor, would you like me to make an official statement or keep this under wraps?” Josephine won’t lie. They can use the information of the Inquisitor being Dragonborn to their advantage (especially when it comes to getting Nevarra on their side). But if the Inquisitor wants to go in a different direction, Josephine will fully be able to make that happen. If Romanced: Josephine has nothing against dragons. They indeed are very lovely creatures, but her love has a tendency to act first and think later. What of the Inquisitor does this while riding on a dragon? The thought alone is enough to send Josephine into a panic. She can try talking with her love. It is the only thing Josephine can think to do.

Cullen: Cullen has mixed feelings about magic, but he will not let his biases cloud his judgement when it comes to serving the Inquisitor and the Inquisition. However, given his title as Commander of the Inquisition’s forces, Cullen can see the positives of the Inquisitor being Dragonborn. They may be able to use it to their advantage depending on the Inquisitor’s thoughts about the plan. If Romanced: Being involved with the Inquisitor leaves Cullen constantly worrying if she will come back to him safely. He isn’t thrilled with the idea of her being Dragonborn for all the extra danger it will bring into the Inquisitor’s life, but he will support her regardless of his personal thoughts on the matter.

[rai-knightshade-art]

Macdalton Fic Prompt

Just a Fix it fic idea I had; Or, what CBS SHOULD do with the golden opportunity they have on their hands here by blatantly building up Desi as the love interest. Essentially an au of the season 3 finale/season 4 premiere (since no way is this how the premiere is gonna go are you kidding??)

So, season finale. Everyone's gathered minus Jack, they just pulled off an op by the skin of their teeth (as usual) and they're all winding down. Convo gets started when suddenly someone (Bozer or Riley maybe) blatantly asks if Mac and Desi are dating (presumably some pseudo-flirting went on during the op to push this idea). However, instead of the expected either confirmation or "wow we didn't even think about that but we're seeing this in a new light and liking it" routes, the two outright deny it and look at the rest of the crew strangely as if it should be obvious that they're not dating. Explanations on assumptions are made, there's a laugh, and then finally the bomb drops: someone else asks why Mac isn't into Desi ("she seems like the perfect gal for you Mac! Smart, badass, in the same line of work... What's not to like?"), To which Mac nonchalantly replies "oh yeah, Desi's great, but I'm just not interested. Besides, I have a boyfriend anyways." Chaos at THAT little tid bit ensues ("man why didn't you tell me you'd found somebody new?!?! I woulda backed off immediately!" "How is that the issue you have when apparently MAC'S BEEN INTO DUDES THIS WHOLE TIME?!?!" "Nah Riley I been knew Mac's bi since our early teens, dude had a HUGE crush on Leonardo DiCaprio--" "bOZER YOU SAID YOUD NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN!" "That was before you hid being in a relationship from me man, I'm allowed to embarrass you now." Etc etc) end episode (or maybe bigger cliffhanger cut scene since not knowing Mac's bf isn't necessarily huge)

First episode of season 4, they're gathered together again, this time in the war room, presumably a few weeks after the previous episode. Everything seems normal, though there is some pointed ribbing at Mac; seems he still hasn't revealed who his secret bf is ("we're long distance, that's all I'm gonna say ok?"). Maybe there's a flashback to Mac in a phoenix corridor smiling happily while talking on the phone, presumably to the bf. I love yous are exchanged before hanging up. The voice on the other end can't be heard. At any rate, flashback concluded, Matty walks in with an uncharacteristic smile on her face. She reveals that today's mission will be including a special addition to the team. Camera is conspicuously away from the door and the windows are completely tinted as someone approaches. Matty describes their new operative when he decides to give a witty oneliner about being back at the door. Everyone jumps (except Matty and, curiously, Mac) and turns toward the door with a cry of "Jack!!!!" (Because of course it's fucking Jack what kinda girl do you take me for here?) Everyone immediately jumps up to greet him (except, again curiously, Mac, who sits with a growing but soft smile on his face; he's yet to even look at Jack). First is Riley, who barrels into him with a slightly emotional bear hug and a slug to the arm for not calling. Next is Desi, some light banter about idiot geniuses ensues, Jack hears about the volcano bit ("I've only been gone for a couple weeks y'all what the hell?!"). Bozer gets a fist bump and some best bro talk, Leanna and Matty get personal comments, and then... There's Mac. Mac has finally stood up at this point, partially hidden from view, and now stares at Jack with affection in his eyes. Jack stares right back. They exchange names softly as they slowly walk towards each other, as if pulled by one of Mac's electromagnets. ("Jack." "Mac. *Angus.*" "Wait, Angus?! Since when does Jack call him Angus?" *Cue first of several flashbacks to come, a short run down of times Jack has called Mac Angus, usually as a joke or out of frustration/seriousness. Culminates in a black screen and a very breathy cry of "Angus!" Or alternately ends with the afterglow cuddling and Mac saying "you can call me Angus... If you'd like"*) They embrace in a very close hug, the kind they didn't often do before Jack left. Riley in particular looks at them strangely, gears in her head turning, as Mac buries his face in Jack's neck. It's still just on the other side of plausibly platonic though since it's been months since they've seen each other. Slowly they part, and Jack slings an arm around Mac's shoulder and brings him in close. Everyone else looks at them weird, not used to this ultra touchy-feely behavior from the pair.

Thus we segue into part two, in which Mac and Jack ward off various questions about their closeness with answers that are technically correct and seem platonic, but are undercut with scenes from the day before Jack left, in which they fought, confessed to loving each other, kissed, and.... Well. Breathy words and moans abound. But also soft laughter and grins and also emotions and sadness and ignoring the inevitable for just one night. (Example: "Guys, clearly something fishy is going on here. (Riley)" "Yeah.... Jack knows who Mac's boyfriend is! (Bozer)" *Riley facepalms* *Jack looks offended* "Mac! Why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend?? The nerve!" "I'm sorry, we were kinda busy before you left if you didn't notice!" (Supposedly meaning the mission) *Flashback to Mac being pushed against a wall in his apartment, being kissed within an inch of his life as he's lifted against the wall, and playing with Jack's shirt*)

This finally culminates in someone just exclaiming "No, guys, *Jack IS the boyfriend!*", Either Riley or possibly a returned Nikki who picked up on it immediately because she knows what Mac looks like when he's dating a team member and he's putting out all the same signs (though no one else is left from the og team who would know said signs except, obviously, Jack). If it's not Riley then Riley yells "I KNEW IT!!"

Anyways more chaos and discussion ensues cause half the crew can't wrap their head around this and the other half is like "how did you guys not pick up on the mutual pining I mean really", with at least one convo like this ensuing: "Wait, have you guys been dating this whole time?!?!?" "No! We had girlfriends, remember??" "Yeah man I ain't no cheat." "So, wait... When DID you guys get together?" *Sheepish shared look* "Well uh..." "Kinda.. sorta... The day before I shipped out?" "Wait, it took THAT LONG for you guys to get your heads out of your asses?!?!" "Well I'm sorry Mac here is a little slow on the uptake--" "Me?! Says the guy who's apparently been in love with me since the goddamn Sandbox!" "Hey man you weren't much better, falling in love when I followed you to LA." "So... You're both idiots." *Another shared look* *both* "Yes."

Should also mention those flashbacks went backwards, from Macdalton cuddling in the afterglow, to in-bed banter (with possible call backs to previous banter), to heavy making out in the hallway, and finally, to the fight that started it all ("Why do you care so much man?! I'll be back before you know it!" "Because I LOVE you Jack! I think I always have! And when you leave me behind it hurts cause I can't protect you the way you've protected me! And it hurts even more cause you don't feel the same!!" *Shocked silence* "What... Could possibly make you think I don't feel the same way?")

Ends with "So... Have you told James yet?" *Twin looks of terror*