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supercorpkid · 3 years

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The price of magic.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word Count: 2210.

Turns out the price of magic was higher than you had anticipated. You’ve been away for more than a year, but for your family it was nothing but a week. Sure they’ve missed you and they were out there looking for you with no clue of where you could have gone. But for you?

A year in Storybrooke was experiencing your life as you’ve always imagined. Being yourself in its totality. No Luthor name hanging over your head, no hiding yourself behind glasses or a red and blue superhero suit. It was being both Kryptonian and human at the same time, with no fear of judgment or dislike.

Storybrooke was like going on a super long vacation; so long it made you forget all of your problems. But that doesn’t mean that your problems went away. They came back as soon as you stepped foot in National City.

The price of magic was feeling guilty for being happier somewhere else. It was walking into your bedroom and feeling at home but also somehow not at all. It was walking around the craziness of National City and feeling suffocated like you’re in a crowded room full of empty faces. It was missing the words ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’ when people were referring to you. It was having a crazy number of options of take-out food but wanting nothing except the food in Granny’s diner.

And you weren’t the only one to pay the price. You can feel how high it was for Kara and Lena too.

“Mom?” You sit up on the bed, looking at Lena standing in your bedroom watching you sleep. “What are you doing creeping over my bed at-” You look at your alarm clock. “3 in the morning?”

“I had to be sure you were still here.” Lena says, sounding small and scared.

“Mom, I’m not going to disappear from my bedroom in the middle of the night.” You say, trying to reassure her, but it backfires you.

“You can’t blame me for thinking that, because you did.” She holds your arm, and you hear the cry in her cracked voice.

“Would you feel better if you stayed here with me?” You make space for her. Lena hum in agreement, lying next to you. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m even more.” She kisses the back of your hand. “A whole year without us. You were probably so scared we weren’t looking for you.”

“I knew you were.”

“You got so tall, and we weren’t even there to see it!” Lena complains and you give her a sad little smile, even though she can’t see your face at all in the darkness of your bedroom.

“Well, I chose a weird age to have a growth spurt .” You joke, but you don’t get a laugh in return. You sort of always knew when you would get taller. It was the same with Kara. You were always very anxious to turn 17, because that was the age she actually grew more. But the weird thing is that you’re not really 17 now. Like Kara is not really 70.

“Come here.” Lena hugs you and you settle back. You’re almost drifting off to sleep when she whispers. “Don’t ever leave again.”

You can’t promise that you won’t. Stranger things have happened in your life, you don’t really feel like you have control over that anymore. And weird as it may seem, you also don’t want to have control over that. Because if you had, if you could have chosen, you probably wouldn’t have met some of the people that you love so much now.

“Hey!” You walk in the kitchen, to both Kara and Lena still having breakfast despite how late already is. “What are you two doing?”

“Having breakfast.” Kara explains, like it isn’t obvious.

You look at the clock. “It’s nine.” You raise an eyebrow at them. “And it’s Monday.”

“Yes.” Lena agrees.

“On Mondays you go to work, and Kara does her usual Kara’ stuff.”

“You were gone for a week. Even if L Corp burned down in flames I wouldn’t leave your side today.” Lena answers you, and you smile softly. You look at Kara next.

“Oh, well, if L Corp was burning up in flames I probably would have to go to put out the fire.” She says but adds in a hurry. “But I would be here five seconds later!”

“Ok.” You chuckle. “I thought I would go see Jamie and Maya on their lunch break, but if you two want me to stay-”

“No! Baby, no. Go see your cousin and your girlfriend. They were missing you too.” Lena hands you your phone. “There’s a lot of texts from them.”

“Oh, a phone! God I haven’t had one in a while.” You smile scrolling through your messages, ignoring your moms questioning looks.

“So, maybe you could tell us how was your life there.” Kara asks, but you’re too distracted with your phone to notice. You haven’t used one in a while, not because there weren’t phones in Storybrooke, but because you didn’t need them. It was a super small city, you could find anyone easily, and because Emma and Charming were sheriffs, you all used radio transmitters to talk. “Hey? Little one, helloooo.”

“Sorry momma.” You put your phone down. “What did you say?”

“We want to know about your life there. I mean, for us it wasn’t that long, but for you it was a whole year. You probably did lots of things.” Kara says and you agree with your head.

“Yeah, I guess.” You shrug. “I used to help mom Emma out with the saving, and oh, mom Regina helped me with my panic attacks. And I’m a lot better at controlling them! Henry and I used to watch this awesome TV show that I probably won’t ever know how it ends now. And grandma taught me archery.”

“Oh, that sounds-” Lena thinks about it for a second. “Fun.”

“Yeah. It was so great. And every night all of us would get together at Granny’s diner and talk about our days, and sometimes I would go hang out with Belle in the library, so I read all the books there. And if I had stayed a little bit longer and turned 18 there, then grandpa would’ve taught me how to use a gun.”

“A little bit? It would’ve been a whole other year!”

“For me, I guess.” You shrug again. “Just another week for you. And I would’ve been cursed anyway, so it wouldn’t feel so bad.”

“Wait. Wait. Wait.” Kara stops you, looking confused. “You wanted to stay?”

“No!” You think about it for a second. “Not stay. No. Just-you know-If I had perhaps stayed longer then yeah, it would’ve been fun to learn that.”

“You can learn how to use a gun here!” Kara says, and Lena furrows her brows.

“No, she can’t.” She looks at you. “No, you can’t. Maybe when you’re older.”

“Right. Moms wouldn’t let me touch a gun either.”

“We are your moms.” It’s out of Kara’s mouth like she hadn’t given much thought to it. But you know she has, because she looks stung. You’ve noticed how she flinched every time you referred to Regina and Emma as moms, but it’s out of your mouth before you can stop yourself to think about it. For a year that’s what you’ve been saying every day. It’s hard to call them just anything else. Almost disrespectful even. But you don’t want to make Kara and Lena upset, so you have to watch out for that.

You try to say something after that. But it’s like your mind keeps erasing itself. ‘Ok, fine, sorry, sure you are momma!’ are all things that almost make it out of your mouth. Instead, you settle for, “Can I have some M&M pancakes?”

“Sure, babygirl.” Lena gets up and gets behind the counter. You go back to your phone, too embarrassed to look at Kara again. She doesn’t say anything about it either.

You talk about other things. They tell you how crazy it was to find you, and what they did all week while you were gone. Apparently it was mostly crying and blaming themselves for your disappearance.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To school. To see Jamie and Maya.”

“Where are your glasses?” Kara asks and you touch your face to realize that you haven’t been wearing them at all.

“Ugh.” You grunt and mumble right after. “I hate those stupid glasses. Can’t believe I have to wear them again.”

You run to your bedroom and find an old pair tossed around. Stupid disguise. Stupid glasses. Stupid secret identity.

“Ok. Can I go now?” You ask when you make it back to the living room.

Lena lets out a forced smile out of her lips, and Kara gives you the most awkward thumbs up in history. Well, there’s a lot to unpack there. So maybe leave it for later.

“Hey!”

“No way in hell!” It’s Jamie’s first response when she sees you in front of your old school. “You grew taller in a week?”

“Something like that.” You smile finally looking down on her. Rao, it feels so good to finally be taller than Jamie. You’ve been hearing about it for years! “Hey, babe.”

“Holy fuck, look at you!” Maya says with the biggest smile on her face. “I don’t see you for a week and you show up here looking like a superhero!”

“Well…” You give her a little side flirty smile. “Is that a good thing?”

“You look great, babe.” Maya’s arms go around your neck and she tiptoes to kiss your mouth. You hold her by the waist, making it easier for her to kiss you.

“God, I’ve missed kissing you.” You let out after you part your lips.

“It’s been a week, stop being so melodramatic.” Jamie rolls her eyes, and you smile, letting go of Maya to hug her too.

“I’ve missed you too, dipshit.”

“Oh.” Jamie lets out a surprised sound. “I guess you’re not so dramatic then.”

You want to tell them, right there, about how it was not just a week. About your different life in the past year. But the girls from your school who used to bully you pass right next to you, and your heart beats faster anticipating the teasing.

But they don’t say a thing. In fact, what they say after they pass you, and you catch using your super hearing, is that you must be a new student. You smile, relieved. Getting taller and cutting your hair. You wish you had known it would make your life a lot easier.

“Ice-cream?” You smile at them and get positive responses at that. Two hours with them and it feels like you’ve never left. Feels good to be with them. It makes you remember that even though your life in National City is not always easy, it’s still pretty great. And that you shouldn’t take that for granted.

You and Jamie walk Maya home, and you’re not even scared of her parents' reaction anymore. It’s not like they’ll recognize you, anyway. And later, you fly Jamie back to her house. You say a quick hello to Alex and Kelly, then fly back home.

“Hey.” You throw yourself on the couch between your moms, with a smile on your face. You look at the box of donuts in front of them, just sitting there waiting for you to arrive and your smile grows wider. “Sorry I was gone for a while. But can I make it up to you both with some hugs and forehead kisses?”

“Oh! Me first!” Kara asks and you smile, throwing your arms around her, and resting your chin on her shoulders.

“You’re my mommy. No one will ever take that away from you.” You whisper in her ear, and feel Kara’s body fully relax in your embrace, while she lets out a relieved sigh.

“I love you more than words can explain it, kid.” You smile and let her go a little, just to look into her eyes.

“I know the words.” You rest your forehead against hers and smile. “You’re my heart.”

“You’re my heart, little one.”

“Can I get a sweet moment like this too?” Lena asks and you chuckle, pulling her close for a tight hug.

“You also don’t have to worry about anyone taking your place.” You say softly in her ear. “You carried me inside of you for nine months, and I’ll carry you inside of me for the rest of my life.”

“Oh God.” Lena says, choking up and wetting the back of your t-shirt with her tears. “I swear this is the loveliest thing someone has ever told me.”

“It’s true.” You smile and kiss her forehead right after. “I love you mom.”

“Oh, I love you, babygirl.”

“And we’re stronger together.” You say, and feel their arms go around you at the same time, in a family hug.

Sure you will miss being called ‘honey’ and ‘sweetheart’, but nothing beats being called ‘little one’ and ‘babygirl’. And nothing ever will. National City may not make you feel as good as Storybrooke did, but the people here surely make up for that.

#supergirl #kara danvers #supercorp #supercorpfamily #lena luthor #supercorp daughter #kara x lena #kara x reader #supercorp fanfic #lena x reader #reader insert

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hogwartsambientfeverdream · 4 years

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The story of a flower

H used to hate her freckles. Tiny little specks of colour splattered all over her face an her body. They always reminded her of how much she looks like her dad and not her mom. Her mother have them too, but not like her father. People would call her by her dad’s name when younger for fun, to point out how much they look like each other and how cute this is... She never really blamed or disliked him for that, she just really wanted to look like a different person.

It wasn’t the resemblance that bothered her though... She loves her dad. Besides, calling the kids by their parents names when younger to insinuate how much they look like them was quite frequent in her big family. Both her older cousins had the same fate with their father; But why did it botherd her so much?

Her family is huge. She especially loved the summers because everyone would gather at their grandparents’ for at least 2 weeks. She loved it! Lots of cousins running around playing and screaming. Sure, they were not allowed to use magic but they would secretly hide from the parents and try out some stuff. The older ones would always show them new tricks and especially after starting to join Hogwarts. One time their grandfather caught them and he laughed proudly. She remembers that he started shedding some tears but no one else remembers that... But she could swear she saw it...

She especially loved her older cousin. She loved him maybe as much as her sister. She was his protégée. He would always share secrets with her under the bedsheets long past bed time. He would always tell her the new spells he learned at school and would give her advice for when her time would come. He was the first one to talk to about the houses in Hogwarts. After her sister was sorted in Ravenclaw and her other cousin in Slytherin, she started fearing that she would not be sorted in Gryffindor either. Everyone anticipated for the kids to be sorted in Gryffindor, since there was a huge tradition with Gryffindor in their family. But everything changed with them. And then she started fearing about not sleeping next to her family at night. That Cristmas holiday, she told her cousin about it and that she had it for granted that she would sleep closely to him or her sister so that they could protect her if she had any bad dreams. He laughed in the most sweet way possible and hugged her.

“I’m pretty sure you will be sorted in Gryffindor don’t worry...”, he said

“But how do you know? We said the same for everyone else and now what?”, 10year old H answered.

“The thing is though, that after entering Hogwarts and understanding how things work, I personally never anticipated for them to be sorted in Gryffindor.. I was sad that I would not play Quidditch in the same team as my brother, sure, but he does indeed belong to Slytherin. And the same goes for your sister.. She does indeed belong to Ravenclaw... Even your mom did, i think, but that’s another story. But you are different that them.. You are truly brave.. You haven’t realised it yet but you are...”

She felt better at that time and she slept very well... For once she didn’t have any nightmares that night. But then she started thinking about it... But why? Why was she brave? And how can you tell from an 10 year old kid that they are brave...

The summer before entering Hogwarts she realised what her cousin was talking about. It all came together. Being annoyed by the resemblance to her dad, relatives calling her by his name, the nightmares... And then for the first time, she expressed to her mom something that never made sense to her.

It was around June. Her sister and cousins had not yet come back from Hogwarts. It was Saturday. She remembers because her mom wasn’t at work. She was home cooking, while she was there at the kitchen with her drawing. Her dad was not there... She doesn’t remember why.. Maybe something to do with his job... The sun was very bright and their home was full of light. She, as always, was drawing her mother’s colourful plants.

“Mom, why am I not named after a flower?”, she asked while finishing the small lavenders at her drawing paper.

“What do you mean, sweetheart?”, her mother turned to her quite confused..

“Well, you know... Both Lily and Rose are named after flowers, right? Why not me?”

“Because, you are a bo...”, Hermione stopped her phrase almost scared. But not scared of what H meant, but scared that she would harm her own child... “What do you mean by that, love? James and Albus are not named after flowers...”, she said smiling while she approached her and holded her little hands gently.

“Well, yes I know that... But, I am not like them... I am like Lilly and Rose... I am like my sister, right?”, H answered.

Hermione looked at her child with all the love she has ever felt for anyone and smiled at her.

“Yes love, your are like them”, she said and hugged her.

That night H couldn’t sleep. She got up and left her room. At first she went to Rose’s room and laid down on her bed. She often did this when Rose was away at Hogwarts. Her room calmed her. It was like she was there hugging her and reassuring her that the nightmare was only a bad dream and nothing else. But even then she couldn’t sleep.

She got up again and decided to go to her parents’ room to sleep with them like how she would snuggle in between them when she was a little kid. As she was approaching the room she saw the light turned on and she heard someone crying soflty. When she finally approached the half opened door she saw her mother crying and her dad holding her compassionately.

“It’s ok, we love her and she knows that! Everything will be fine! As long as she has us by her side everything will be fine!”, her dad said

“No, it’s not that easy... You don’t understand! The Wizarding World is sooo closed minded and ignorant! I had to fight for elves rights only recently in the ministry! We had to fight for blood purity only 20years ago Ron! You know I love our world but muggles are far ahead in those things! James and his friends were ridiculed when they joined Wizarding Pride in Hogsmeade! And even that only happened 5 years ago! And let’s not start thinking about the absence of laws relevant to these matters! They will make her life a living hell!”, Hermione said in pure agony still not able to hold her tears...

Ron was looking at her troubled, realizing how true everything that Hermione said was true. Memories of his, words, jokes, weird looks... Everything... The wizarding world was extremely ignorant in those matters... Even he was, before spending time traveling in the muggle world with Hermione. She was right... Things were getting a little better and that’s all thanks to new muggle-born kids entering the community, but still... Maybe for gay people sure, but not for trans... And especially not for trans kids like H.

“What are we going to do?”, he said with a sad face while his eyes were beginning to tear up.

“I trust no one here.. Believe it or not... I am going to London first thing on Monday... I’ll start making calls tomorrow morning in case we know any specialist in London already familliar with our world... If not, then I don’t care even if I am arrested for accidentally revealing myself... Right now we have no time searching if anything like that is possible the magical way... I don’t trust it... I am going back to where I am more familiar with...”, she answerded, and for the first time H saw an unfamiliar determination in her mother’s eyes... Her mother was always driven and vigorous in what she wanted to do, but this time was different. "And it's not just that... We also need to find a way even for us.. For the whole family. We need to talk to your parents, your siblings... Everyone.. This is not going to be easy you know...", she continued.

“I know. I think Rose is already there... Long before H talked... The same goes for James, too. I think the bigger part will be my parents. They will need some time but I think they will understand and accept the situation.”, Ron said and looked at Hermione with love and realisation. “But either way, we will make it! We will make it together, as we always did! And as for the laws you mentioned, that means we have a new fight ahead of us! But we will make it! Things will change no matter what! There are already people out there talking about these matters. Ideas are already been pushed forward... We will help to make the change happen!”, her dad answered equally determined.

She want back to her sister’s bed feeling sad but happy at the same time... Sad because she couldn’t understand what the problem was and because she saw for the first time her mother crying and even almost her dad; but still happy, because she felt more loved than any other day, even though they didn’t tell her anything, they didn’t even realise that she was listening to them. She laid down under her floral sheets and looked outside the window. Hugging her purple teddy bear, she peacefully fall asleep while gazzing at all the hortensias, roses and azaleas on the ledge.

The next few days were busy. Her parents were all over the place and they often called her grandparents to take care of her while away for business. At first they acted a liitle strange for some reason she could not understand... Although she was finally happy to hear them call her H and not by her birth name. After around 10 days or maybe 2 weeks, her mom told her that they would go to London together.

And so they did. She always loved going to the muggle world. Grandpa always talked about how fascinating muggles are, her mom was muggle born and even uncle Harry used to live there when he was younger. Her, James and Lily would have the best time exploring the muggle world.

She was so excited! Her mom said that they would visit a friend of her’s and have a picnic outside in the sun. She wore her favorite pink curduroy trousers which Rose gave her and her favorite little backpack, on which she had embroidered litlle lavenders with her grandma.

The day was amazing and it passed without her realizing it. They had rasberry juice and fruit salad. They discussed a lot of fascinating things and she really liked her mother’s friend. He was a doctor and he was very sweet and funny. He even gave her a little bracelet which he made with seashells that he had gathered from his travels around the mediterranean.

On the way home her mom picked some pretty flowers for her.

“Did you have a good time today?”

“Yeah! It was really nice actually! And your friend was really funny! I really liked him!”, H answered with a calm smile on her face.

“That’s really great to hear, you know. We will be seeing him in the future for quite some time, if that’s ok with you”, Hermione smiled back relieved that she made a good choice. Luna is always trustworthy in those matters.

“So, about the conversation we had earlier... Does that mean I can have a flower name too?”, H turned to her mother full of anticipation.

“Of course! This is the first thing we will take care of!”, Hermione answered happily. “You can pick any name you like, sweetheart! At any time. No rush.”, she said as she caressed her little hand lovingly.

The following September she boarded the Hogwarts Express holding hands with James and Rose. They sat side by side in the cabin with the rest of her cousins and she didn’t even realise when they had arrived. This was the first day that she met so many new people, which she loved because she got to introduce herself with her beautiful flower name.

And then, it was time for the sorting ceremony. She was quite afraid, but then she remembered what James told her last year. Besides, Weasleys nowadays were sorted all over, not ony Gryffindor, which meant that even if she was not sorted where she wanted, she would at least be with family.

“Hortensia Granger-Weasley”, the professor announced and she immediately rushed to the stool while looking at Rose, who was looking at her nearly crying of how proud she was of her little sister.

“Hah! We have the younger Granger-Weasley! Hmmm!!! The decision is quite clear, yees! I think GRYFFINDOR will learn so much from you and your bravery!”, the hat yelled and she ran straight to James’ open arms.

Years later and she eventually came to terms with her freckles. Nowadays she loves the fact that she looks like her dad, whom she objectively finds quite handsome. Nowadays she knows why she hated the freckles in the first place, and the resemblance, and the fact that everyone called her “Little Ron”.

Thanks to her parents and the new found community of people like her, which in a way started considering a second family, though, she can be the girl she is. It wasn’t without struggles, however. It took her parents’ and uncle’s power fuelled by a huge wave of protests of queer wizarding people to pass new bills. And she was lucky that her family is so influential. During the time that her mother was raging in the ministry trying to find files that she could use, she found a lot! Suggestions for equality bills, for gender recognition laws, for abolition of gender dormitories in Hogwarts, complaints of mistreatment of younger queer wizards, accusations of violence and other similar records. Nothing had passed. The wizarding community in the U.K was so conservative in those issues that had even caused individuals or even whole wizarding families to move somewhere else, more friendly and accepting of their loved ones. Even gay people of power (most of them closeted) kept their mouth shut publically so that they would not lose their influence. And that was sad to say the least, her parents thought, especially considering the impact their voice could have in the wizarding community.

The wizarding world was finally changing, but not without important losses. It took so many years but queer wizarding people could finally start to breath more freely. The fight was not over, but at least they had hope. And hope gave them strength to keep on fighting!

P.S.: The idea for a trans character in my fanfiction pieces was formed when J.K.Rowling first retweeted some problematic stuff, back in December. I wanted to right it back then, but hey.. laziness... hehe... I always wanted to implement more queer characters (Adrianne is one) but I never had clear ideas of who and how.

If you think that what i did is offensive to the source material, truly, i don’t care. If you did not like it just leave. This is not the fanfic for you. I am not here to debate trans issues with people who don’t get it. All I want is to celebrate LGBTQIA+ people, and i will be happy to discuss with queer people who have thoughts. 🦋💖

As for the whole J.K.Rowling recent story, i have this to say. The wizarding world does not belong to J.K.Rowling anymore! It belongs to everyone! The Harry Potter universe is so alive because of the fans and no one else! The fans preserve the spark with their art and fanfiction! And this is evident, since no one listens to what Rowling says anymore about the lore! The wizarding world was made quite conservative due to its author but the acceptance, inclusivity and change comes from the fans. We are the ones who wrote fanfics about gay couples and characters of colour, we are the ones that imagined ourselves in the story, not J.K. . Wizarding World is not Rowling’s anymore, it’s ours! So no matter what she says and what she believes we will continue to do what we do best! Expand the boundaries of the consrvative world she had once created and make it fully our own.

Happy Pride Month everyone

Love 💖🧡💛💚💙💜

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nisaadventures · 4 years

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I’m turning 30 in 10 days... yikes.

The last year of my life has sucked... lol. Okay, it wasn’t all bad. I’m exaggerating... but I’m also not. I know there were plenty of nice moments in the last year... but when I think about the last year of my life, its just full of so many firsts... awful firsts...

First time celebrating their birthdays without them...

First holiday season without them... anyone else miss mom’s turkey? Most people don’t like traditional thanksgiving dinner because the turkey is more often dry... mom’s was never dry... Okay the key people.. Don’t actually cook your stuffing in the turkey. Its just going to suck all the juice life out of your bird... I mean come on. Trick #1 stuff the turkey with fresh cut oranges and yes, you can leave the skin on... #2 do majority of the oven time in an oven bag to keep the moisture in. #3 cook breasts down. Its the part thats usually most dry, so duh... keep it in the juicy, buttery goodness of the pan. I never made the entire meal, I usually just helped mom with everything. These are just some things I’ve taken away in my observations.

Halloween trip to Disneyland without them... Disney is always a good time, but I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t feel heavy in some way... and that is saying something because Disneyland is my happy place lol.

Looking forward to 2020... Hoping that it had so much better in store for us.

Dear lord... what a joke.

Going to Hawaii for our “family trip” without them...

A pandemic without them... I mean yes, I’m thankful they aren’t out there with COVID on the rise... I’m glad they’re not stuck at home because COVID. Mom and Michael are both too much of busy bees to be cooped up in the house for too long.

Not going to lie... picking up where they left has been hard. All of moms plants... The dogs.. Taking care of the backyard, where Michael usually would. Mom would definitely do too much at once. She’d be out in the yard planting something and pulling out something else in her damn UGG boots! wth mom?! Those are expensive! lol. “Oh its fine.. I’ll wash them.” Omg lol. Either that, or she’d be over here trying to move heavy a$$ pots by herself and I’d have to stop her before she hurt her back. Ayiyi.

Keanu and Aria’s birthdays without them... seeing my babies sad and missing their grandma, grandpa, and aunties has been hard. It will be out of nowhere sometimes... and all the nights of Aria waking up in the middle of the night crying. I feel you baby girl... I get it. I miss them too... Its okay to be sad... Mantras...

You were her little rays of sunshine. Grandpa and grandma loved you SOOOO much.

Mom would babysit the kids on Saturday mornings, while Kuya, Vaness, and I went to workout. They’d go get breakfast, pancakes and eggs, at UJs. She’d take them to Target, the dollar store, Walmart, etc. just so they could look and maybe get something to play with together. She always crafted with them.

Living in this house... especially with COVID... has been hard. I miss just sitting at the dinner table, eating sho mi, and talking about work. Mom and Michael getting all worked up over some crazy manager, or something going down with the union.. yup, that’s where I get it from... advocacy and leadership skills FTW. One thing they could always talk about for HOURS was work lol.

I remember when I was a little girl, Mom would let me play in the bathtub until I was all wrinkled. She would let me bring all my toys into the tub. At one point I even had a care bear doll that she, for some reason, let me take in the bath lol. She’d throw it in the dryer for me after I was done.

I remember going to the grocery store with mom and leaving with two full a$$ grocery carts because we had a full house at all times. I mean it was Kuya, my cousin Jojo, my brother Derric, my cousin John, Bubba, my cousin Jay, me and whoever else was over the house lol. When Kuya was in high school, it was all of his buddies partying at our house and crashing on the floor in the living room, dining room, and all the couches. She was the #1 host for sure.

“Are you hungry? Did you eat yet?”

Thats love.

All of Kuya’s high school friends called her Mom. My friends called her Mama Fern. She loved that.

I remember playing hide n go seek in the dark in our tiny town house.. Later in the bigger house on Glenbriar... where mom actually tripped and broke her arm... But she laughed so hard she peed her pants, so she was a good sport? lol. Needless to say, we sort of stopped playing after that.

I remember making dim sum with mom for the first time. Such a hot mess, flour and food everywhere, but so fun. We definitely didn’t do that again until there were more adults around to help lol. Mom knew how to run through a kitchen like a tornado. Hot mess! but the best cook.

Mom was always careful. She always wanted to make sure we were safe, that I was safe. I couldn’t go outside unless one of the boys was with me. When I would swim she would get nervous, even though I learned how to swim at a young age thanks to Kuya. One day, we were having a bbq, lots of family over, I was playing in the jacuzzi (drawing on the wall of the jacuzzi with a piece of chlorine... don’t play with chemicals kids lol) and she thought I was drowning? So she jumps her a$$ in there fully clothed and yanks my a$$ out. I was shocked as hell, so I naturally started crying hella hard and complaining about the fact that she scratched me when she yanked me up out of the water lol.

Keep in mind that that was not the first time one of the twins jumped into the pool fully clothed to “save” someone hahaha.

Speaking of fully clothed in the pool... The time auntie tripped and fell slo-mo style (that questionable, are you going to catch your balance, speed) into the pool LOL. Mom was dead laughing at her. Most hilarious video.

Those twins lol.

Jeeze.. speaking of the twins. They had this crazy connection. Tell me why when mom got sick with suspected viral meningitis and had to be hospitalized... Auntie straight up followed her right into the ICU with viral meningitis...

Who remembers their 50th birthday? Talk about doing it BIG. So much fun. All the performances. Lani was there... KMA performances and kuya and John getting down for Maglalatik. Who doesn’t like seeing some half naked, buff dudes, bang coconuts together? haha. The twins getting down with their hula performance. Cute!

I remember when Mom and pops were going through their divorce and she would text me after midnight. I was going to Sac State and of course I was team NO sleep at the time. I would be in the AIRC studying. I’d comfort as best as I could from a distance... and then come home on weekends to be there with her when I could.

She found her footing again. Started going to the gym with Kuya more... Started running all the time... all of her half marathons and finally she did the Nike Women’s Marathon.

Hiking Half Dome with her. What.a.badass.

That is really how I see her. She was so badass. When she was my age she had my 9 year old Kuya and I was on the way... She was working and supporting us and then eventually decided to make a better life for us, and went back to school... NURSING SCHOOL. wth. I can’t even imagine doing that right now, but reminding myself of where she has been and how much she PUT IN WORK... That keeps me grounded in the fact that we are responsible for our lives. If you want something, you have to work for it. You can’t just hope for better... you make better happen.

I guess its that reminder... her strength... her and Michael’s love and hard work... That keeps me going.

Being mindful... being thankful... acknowledging my own strength...

But with that said... August has been increasingly hard. I don’t like to think about my birthday. I don’t even want to plan anything. They’re not here... I can’t celebrate with all my loved ones and friends. Thank you COVID...

We’re just getting closer and closer to the anniversary? Nah.. lets not call it that... anniversary sounds like something nice... something to celebrate... This is NOT that. The day your loved ones are taken is not something to celebrate... I mean honestly, if I had to pinpoint the worst day of my life, that was it.... When I think about that day I can’t breathe. Terrible memories... so many sleepless nights. I’ve come so far. Its still hard, but I’ve come a long way.

Anyway... this post is sort of random and nostalgic. Things I hold onto. Things that make me happy cry... Things that weigh heavy on my heart.

Here’s my playlist for grief... reminders of them... collected over the last year:

Aloha for now -Kaleo Vai & Passion

One day at a time -Jennifer Chung

In the end - Gabe Bondoc, Melissa Polinar, Passion

Round and around -Kolohe Kai

Fade Away -Rebelution

Alive -The Green

New Day -Kimie’

Angels above me -Stick Figure

Memories -Maroon 5

Wish you pain -Andy Grammer

100 -Katchafire

Everyday life -Coldplay

Out of the darkness -Isla vista worship, Bre Reed

Amen -Andra Day

Grateful -13 Crowns feat. Poo Bear

Rainbow Connection -Gwen Stefani

Be okay -ZOE worship

With you -Eryn Allen Kane

Dont worry -Mesto feat. Aloe Blacc

Just livin’ -Sensi trails, Kbong

Remember me -Miguel, Natalia Lafourcade

Even more -Major

Let it be -Xav A.

Give Thanks -Iya terra, Stick figure

Mr. Sun -Sammy Johnson

Rest easy -Thrive, Nico of Tribal Theory

Sunny Days- Allen Stone

Today’s a new day -Common Kings

Mother’s Love -Jonah Jaxon, Micah G

The bones -Maren Morris, Hozier

Give you blue -Allen Stone

And we remain -Johnnyswim

Yellow -Kina Grannis

Streetcar -Daniel Caesar

Meant to be -Bebe Rexha, Florida georgia line

All you need to know -Gryffin, slander, Calle Lehmann

Like I’m gonna lose you -Jasmine Thompson

#ohanaovereverything #threeoh #grief #memories #family #loss

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ivyquinzel · 4 years

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Rating my family members out of boredom. Most of them have good rating but I have daddy issues

My Mom: Accepts that I'm gay, doesn't really know what to do about it. Asks if I learned it from the internet and if I really want to dye my hair black and rainbow. Asks if I learned my political beliefs from the internet, listens to my stepdad for all politics, ignores my sources. Doing her best to learn to accept trans people since I came out, very sweet and loving. Let's me disagree without getting upset. She's trying to improve, I love her and she does her best to support, 9/10 for effort

My Dad: Would disown me if he found out I was gay and trans. Pro Cop Pro Trump Manipulative, verbally abusive to my mom. Dated a 16 year old when he was in his thirty's, married her when she turned 18. Eventually got divorced from her. Tells me I'm the only reason he hasn't killed himself. I'm 14, go get a therapist. Uses autism as an insult and says ADHD and anxiety are excuses, I have all three of those so. Lowkey sexist, Kinda racist, a general asshole. If he doesn't win an argument it didn't happen, even if it was about a book he's never read and I've read 10 times. He just pretends it doesn't happen. Spends lots of money on me if I pretend to believe his lies. Still a creep and an asshole, I just know how to make him think I still like him. 0/10

My Stepdad: Former Cop. Pro War, Pro Police Violence, Unusually excited when he thought there would be a world war three. Yelled at his son for wearing a girls cami (I have him my old one) to paint so his shirts didn't get movie. Wouldn't let him watch his favourite tv show bc it's for girls. The child is literally 4. Transphobic, but offered to take me to a drag race and bought me a rainbow sticker when I came out as bi, which I think is his way if supporting. Says I'm not gay at least three times a conversation when it even slightly involves LGBT. Toxic masculinity, gender roles. Doesn't like me much, literally said he'd die for all his kids except me in front of me much, which I'm fine with but rude much? Shoves me away from my mom, who I'm very close to so he can stand with her. Won't let me carry my baby sister, says I'm a horrible babysittier, makes fun of most things I do, dumps Brielle on me every time he wants to do something without asking even if I've been working all day and won't let me complain. Says I'm lazy and bad at school work bc I'm not doing it while I'm literally doing it. Doesn't think he should have to take care of his kids. Buys expensive foods and deserts for everyone else but doesn't have enough to get me anything over 20 dollars or dessert. Listens to my mom half the time she yells at him or tells him to be nice to me. Blames someone else when he makes a mistake. 0/10

My nine year old cousin: Gay, cool with trans people, writes lesbian fanfiction. Small and sweet, 10/10

My 13 year old cousin: Does not give a fuck what I am, uses my pronouns even when he's trying to be an asshole to me, sometimes punches me but he started doing it less after I broke his nose. He's been getting nicer over the past few years, we're actually friends now. Plays Assassin's Creed with me. 7/10 for punching me

My one year old sister and two year old cousin: Literal angels. Have done nothing wrong. Pains to babysit but I love them anyways. 10/10

My six year old cousin: He's very sweet, but holy shit does he like to misbehave. Unfortunately, I have to be responsible when I babysit, or I'd join him. Attention whore, will cry and be dramatic. I love him anyways. 6/10 for being annoying, if it's harsh it's bc I'm babysitting him for over a month

Uncle 1: Weird. Calls tv the devil's box. Very nice, veteran but against police brutality. Cool with gays. 8/10

Aunt 1: Super Sweet. Depressed from ptsd (also a veteran) which makes me sad. It is my mission to make her happy. Literally the nicest. 10/10

Uncle 2: Funny, puts up with my bs even though we all know he's done with it. Tells his kid not to punch me, plays Assassin's Creed with me. Generally a nice guy. 10/10

Aunt 2: Pro gay, taught her kids about transgender. Huge ally, I haven't come out to her as gay but she definitely knows. Bet sweet, spoils her kids. House is literally covered with stuff, 99% sure she's a hoarder bc there's a trail through toys and items and stuff in her house, it smells kind of bad but at least I'm not bored I guess? 9/10 for the mess

Cousins Aunt: Not technically related to me. Aunt 2's sister. Huge nerd. Takes me and my cousin to comicons and conventions. Very nice, 10/10

Grandma: Buys me books and when she found out I was gay got me a gay pride flag. Has horrible music taste. Taught me how to ride horses. 10/10

Grandpa: Funny, supportive, taught me how to play chess. Cooks my favourite foods for me to visit a lot. 10/10

Grandma's Partner: Tells dirty jokes and funny stories that Grandma disapproves of, funny as shit. Annoyed by most kids in my family (me too, honestly, but I babysit them all bc that's what I do) but loves me. Believes in ghosts, tells me about them. Had an abusive dad and refuses to be like him. Super nice 10/10

Grandpa's wife: Does not understand shit. Asks the same question ten times. It's kind of endearing though. Very sweet, if you're patient you'll love her. 10/10

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sdpafanblogofsupremefunk · 4 years

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Season 1, Episode 1: A Different Place

Where better to begin talking about a show than the beginning? Like most shows, Sítio do Picapau Amarelo has a pilot episode.

...Okay, in this case, “pilot episode” is just a fancy way of saying “first episode”. Much like Rick & Morty and DT17, SDPA doesn’t really have a pilot episode that isn’t just the first episode (unless you count Doc and Mharti as R&M’s pilot, which I’d rather not), so to begin the series, we kinda have to jump right into the mess of things.

It’s like A Quiet Place, but not stupid.

As the episode begins, we are introduced to a two men on a horse-drawn cart. The man in the red box is a book salesman who’s a little down on his luck in terms of profits.

A little.

This guy isn’t really given a name, and I don’t want to call him “The Salesman” the whole time because that’s stupid. So I’m going to give him a name. Mr. Simmons will do nicely.

Anyways, Mr. Simmons falls out of the cart when it hits a patch in the road, and when he picks himself up, he sees a quaint little house on a farm, with an old woman knitting on the porch.

Here, we are introduced to the first of our main cast, Dona Benta, a kind elderly lady who owns this little patch of heaven known as the Yellow Woodpecker Farm. Yeah, didn’t take us long to get there, huh?

So Mr. Simmons sees this old woman in the middle of (what he believes to be) nowhere, and decides it’s the perfect opportunity to make a quick buck believing that:

Which, I dunno, man, she seems pretty comfortable just sitting in her rocking chair, knitting. Like, even as an outsider who doesn’t know a lick of what goes on in this farm, I’d say she’s content as she is, but anything to make some cold hard cash, I guess.

Also, I would not ever call this place a desert, even for the sake of exaggeration. There’s grass everywhere, bushes, trees, flowers, the works. If this where anything like a desert, I do not think this woman would be here, to put it simply. But, I digress. And I hydraulic press, but we won’t be seeing that.

So, Mrs. Benta goes inside to call for the kids, and here we meet 3 of our other actors:

Here, we see Pedrinho (or Little Pete, the boy in the blue overalls) and Narizinho (or Lúcia “Little Nose”, the girl in the red dress), cousins and Mrs. Benta’s grandchildren. They’re playing tag, I think, but they’re stopped in their tracks with their Grandma in the way, and-

Hang on, I feel like we’re forgetting something.

Oh, right. I almost forgot Emilia. She’s basically the reason I watch this show, no biggie.

Anyway, she’s in a race with the kids, when they’re blocked by Grandma. Emilia makes the smart move and cuts right under Mrs. Benta. It looks like this:

Another reason I like this show so much, it’s rife with smears, which I feel like any good cartoon should have. Like here, where Emilia friggin’ nyooms right under Mrs. Benta like a comet.

Emilia reaches the finish line at the bookshelf, where we see the Viscount of Sabugosa, a puppet made out of an ear of corn who’s very smart and polite. (His name is a pun, “sabugo” means corncob in Portuguese, and it’s a parody of the Count of Sabugosa, of which there were 9, the first being Vasco Fernandes César de Meneses in 1729- but everybody calls him Viscount and so will I because blah)

In this show, the Viscount is the actual size of an ear of corn, which makes sense, he is, after all, a puppet made out of one. I think it’s really funny that the cartoon is slightly more realistic than the live-action show it’s based on in this regard, because in the 2001 series, for whatever reason, the Viscount towers over everyone:

And he has a sick mustache.

Like, I don’t get it, out of all the characters, you made the guy made out of corn the tallest one in the cast? I get that the technology to make him actually small probably wasn’t all there yet, Grandpa in My Pocket was still 8 years off, but you really couldn’t find a guy that wasn’t the same height as Shaq?

Yeesh, only 2 minutes in and I’m getting sidetracked this often. Well, I guess it’s better than having nothing to talk about.

Anyway, Emilia wins the race, but the other two kids run into her, smooshing her against the bookshelf-

-and pwning her so hard she briefly grows fingers on her hand (and turning it into a left hand apparently, because the thumb is on the wrong side)

Mrs. Benta explains that Emilia and the other mystical beings must hide from the impending salesman.

Oh brother, I was wondering when we’d get to this guy. This is Marquis of Rabicó (Portuguese for Short-tail). Literally the first thing you read about him on the show’s Wikipedia is that he’s fat (which you think would be a given cuz he’s a pig), and his part of the Characters section isn’t much better, stating that he’s a “gluttonous, selfish, cowardly and lazy pig” and most of his episodes involve him getting himself and/or others into trouble by being a gluttonous, selfish, cowardly and lazy pig. He’s only ever onscreen to cause problems, either directly or by proxy. If I were to sum him up in one meme, it would be this:

Now, I don’t hate Rabicó, I’m actually quite indifferent towards him, but he does bring down a lot of the episodes that he’s a major part of. Thankfully, there aren’t too many episodes featuring him in the first 2 seasons, but from what I hear, Season 3 goes ham with that shit (pun intended) and it brings down the quality of the season as a whole, so it’s a good thing that’s as far off from now as it is. I want to enjoy the lack-of-pig while it lasts.

But hey, at least he doesn’t look like this:

Don’t do drugs, kids.

Rant over, Mrs. Benta explains that she wants things to look normal because the Yellow Woodpecker Farm is a very peculiar place, where all kinds of weird and wacky stuff goes on, and if word gets out about it, the place will be filled with tourists wanting to get a peek of the action.

Something that Mrs. Benta probably didn’t consider is that there’s a bigger threat to being exposed than just filthy tourism. That’s right, I’m talking about the GOVERNMENT.

I mean, think about it. How many movies have you seen where the government tries to hunt down an unnatural being? E.T., the Sonic Movie, a third one I can’t think of right now, etc. (Lilo & Stitch does not count) Now, I can’t speak for Brazil’s government compared to the U.S., but I know there’s gotta be a division dedicated to dealing with unnatural things that would no doubt arrest Emilia, Rabicó, Viscount, etc. and run experiments on them. Then again, maybe this cartoon takes place in a world where the government doesn’t even exist. I mean, we never really see any urban settings in the show (aside from a brief mention of “the city” in the finale), so for all I know, the world of Sítio do Picapau Amarelo is run by Vermin Supreme.

Real talk, you should all be ashamed of yourselves for not voting for this guy back in 2016.

Initially, Emilia won’t go into her box, but then she gives in and is dragged there by Aunt Nastácia, the housemaid of the farm with a knack for making dolls (so she’s essentially Emilia’s mom). She doesn’t really do much in this episode, but the Fat Bastard does even less, and I still mentioned him.

So Mrs. Benta lets Mr. Simmons into the house and he does this whole spiel about how great the books are, how they can take you to worlds you never imagined, fantasy and action, yadda yadda.

Meanwhile, the kids are off to the side and they’re all like “Well, we met the actual Hercules, get on our level scrub”. And of course, Emilia is watching with them, instead of in her box.

As Simmons keeps on rambling, Emilia is being a little peeping tom, not realizing that one turned head could lead to her being dissected like a high school frog.

Apparently, Emilia thinks she’s a regular Bart Simpson, with shit like spitballs and pulling out the man’s leg hairs. She’s really pushing her luck here, and for little reason. Sure, Simmons called the place boring, but that’s how it’s supposed to be to him.

Of course, Pedrinho and Narizinho are nice enough kids that they bail her out on this one and pretend it was them.

And before Simmons can ask what the hell is going on, Mrs. Benta gives him the money for the books and sends him out the door. And once he’s out...

I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with go.

Of course, they’re not out of the woods yet, cuz Simmons is getting a little suspicious.

Busted. The truth is revealed, all laid out for Simmons to see. A talking rag-doll? Inconceivable! And yet, there it is.

Come on, Viscount. I would expect you of all people to uphold what Mrs. Benta said and stay hidden. You’re smart enough, you should already know what’s at stake, or at least that something is at stake. I mean, I understand that the cat is already out of the bag, but you’re not helping.

Also, you’re thumb is clipping into your bowtie, you should get that checked out.

Rabicó, I hope you get turned into salami. Not out of spite or anything, but just because I like salami.

Naturally, Simmons believes he’s struck gold and found the ultimate tourist trap. But when Emilia points out that if he tells anyone, he’ll sound like a crazy person-

-he straight up Villager Neutral B’s her,

hails a horse, and books it.

Wow, Viscount. Dick move mangling Mrs. Benta’s glasses like that. And all for an impromptu magnifying glass, which is pointless-

-because we can see the horse tracks perfectly fine without them.

(The Viscount isn’t this much of a jerk in the rest of the series, I swear.)

So, the gang follow the tracks until there are no more, which leads them to a corn store.

Wait, a... corn store? As in, a store that mainly, if not exclusively, sells maize and maize accessories? Compared to vegetables in general, that’s quite a niche market, I can’t possibly imagine finding a success in building an entire business around one type of vegetable. Corn is simply not as versatile as something like chocolate or cheese.

Oh no, wait, it’s just a bar. I guess this cartoon takes place in the middle of Prohibition 2: Return of Jafar, and the whole “corn store” thing is just a set up for a speakeasy. (I mean, you could also argue that it’s a diner, but I’mma go with bar because it’s funnier.)

And I’m guessing Simmons expects the place to put all of the meals on his tab, considering he’s going to get the money later with all the tourism. But then, why doesn’t he just pay with the money he got from selling Mrs. Benta those books? So he pulls Emilia out of his bag to show everyone that he has a talking doll and...

Hm. Probably should have put some air holes in that bag.

Anyway, the gang comes in, and Mrs. Benta asks for the doll back, with Narizinho hamming up her Oscar-worthy performance:

So everybody’s giving Mr. Simmons a mean glare:

Including this gentleman who looks like someone just insulted his favorite MHA character (it’s probably Tsuyu):

So Mr. Simmons desperately tries to convince everyone that the doll indeed does talk, and that she comes from a wacky place, but Aunt Nastácia intervenes and says that it’s just a normal doll.

She just straight up roasts Emilia, who (big surprise) does not take it very well. To the point that she is very visibly angry, which you think the barflies would notice.

I mean, look at that and tell me that you wouldn’t notice anything weird.

But anyways, they get the doll back and we get this cute group hug.

D’awww.

So they leave with Emilia-

as Mr. Simmons is beaten to death offscreen for stealing from a little girl.

As the gang walks home, Viscount bends Ms. Benta’s glasses back to normal. Took you long enough, ya jerk.

Not even close, my dear. This is only the beginning.

Well, that was a very good first episode. It introduces the world and many of the main characters very well. And while there were a few issues I had with it, they’re really just nitpicks that don’t detract from the episode as a whole. Overall, a good effort, 8/10.

So, yeah, that’s the first episode down. Join me next time when we watch episode 2, and meet a very vile villain.

Very vile indeed.

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icyhotheartwritings · 5 years

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Long and rambly post about the Camp Fire ahead. Skip to the bottom to avoid my rambling and just see the pictures.

[[more]]

One year ago today, I woke up and started getting ready for school. At 7:47, the girl I carpool with asked if I was still going to come get her because there was a fire near me. I step outside and everything seems fine. I can’t see anything, I can’t smell smoke, and my lips don’t burn like they always do when there’s smoke. So I keep getting ready.

A little while later, my mom tood me the fire has spread and I’m not going to school. All of Pentz road was being evacuated. That’s where my grandma lived. So we started packing.

We pack edeverything that’s important. My DBZ figures, my whole electronics collection, my Pikachu plushie, my concert t shirts, the souvenirs my mom’s best friend brought me from Sweden, the hand crocheted horse and cat my aunt made me, my mom’s signed hockey sweater, the ashes of our recently lost dog and the mane of the horse we lost a week before the dog. Everything. We packed it in our RAV4, Torey, and sent my mom down the hill to get the horses out while my dad and I packed our indoor animals. We couldn’t attach the trailer to the RAV, but the live in caretakers had a truck they could hook up.

My mom never made it to the barn. A half hour after she left, we got a text from my grandma.

“Don’t go down the hill. It’s on fire.”

By that time, my mom was trapped in the fire. They kept making her turn around, back and forth, as flames surrounded the road. A drive that normally took 15 minutes took 3 hours. Eventually, they made her get out of the car and walk. She walked for three miles until she reached running traffic and found someone to give her a ride to Chico.

Meanwhile, my grandparents had packed up their cat and dog and some of their possessions, taking separate cars just in case. They figured they’d come home in a few days, just like every other time. We were later told by a neighbor their house was in flames at 9:30 am. My grandma was the first to reach the roadblock on Pentz. They told her to turn around. She looked in her rear view mirror and saw my grandpa and the cat behind her, and fire coming up behind them and all the cars past them. So she drove through the roadblock. I’m certain she saved lives.

My then boyfriend was in a jam. He was home alone with his 4 year old cousin while his mom went to get his sister and her boyfriend and get gas. He was in charge of packing for the entire family and getting their kittens. His mom was gone for a long time, and by the time she got back the house two doors down was in flames. At the time they left their place was going up.

The friend who texted me that morning thankfully went home before the fire got to the church where we were going to meet up. Her family and animals all got out. She had to see a friend’s blind horse run into flames and die in front of her.

My aunt and uncle were heroes that day. Down the road from them lived a family. Three kids, their dad, and their grandma. My aunt drove the kids out. Their dad and grandma died that day, they were the first casualties discovered. I’m going to say this right now: Don’t you dare look for pictures of deceased people after a tragedy. I saw people begging all over looking for the video of them in their car. That’s someone’s family they lost. The internet knew they were dead before the kids did.

The power went out shortly after our last phone call with my mom, where she told us she had to leave the car sans one mirror that a cop took out. We were about to use my dad’s circular saw to overkill-cut a hose to siphon the gas out of my undriveable truck when it went out. I got my multitool and cut the hose, and used it for a number of other things that were frankly so mundane I can’t remember. I will never be without a multitool again.

The power being out meant we didn’t have any communications. The cell towers were down too. The very last communication we got was word that the stables were on fire. We ended up having a gathering of neighbors in front of our driveway, chatting about nothing and everything to distract ourselves.

Now, I’d never been a religious person before. But that day I prayed. I prayed to every god I could think of. It may seem weird, but most of all, I prayed to Hephaestus and Poseidon. I prayed for them to keep the fire away from my horses, to let them live.

My 3 horses were part of the 5 that got out of the stables on trailers. A family friend made it before they closed the roads. She packed up her horses in her trailer and got the caretaker’s son to hook up his truck to our trailer and get our two young horses out. But that left our old man horse. Our friend waved down trailers coming from further down the road. Soon she found one that had a space open. She actually knew our old man already, and she got him in the trailer and down to the fairgrounds. Before she left, my friend let out the other 15 horses. Four of them made it on the news, running side by side down the road with flames on both sides. A few days later firefighters found 20 horses at the stables, all of ours and some of the surrounding stable’s horses, rounded them up in the arena, and fed and watered them with my family’s stuff that somehow made it.

My dad and I didn’t leave the house for a long time. We left at 3:14 pm. Our car didn’t have a lot of gas, so we waited for Skyway to clear up. We had the cats packed up real quick after mom left, so we took them to our chicken coop for food water and a litter box and still be in quick grab range. It was strangely peaceful in a way. It was completely quiet. My dad and I decided to have breakfast, he had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I had a strawberry pop tart. I almost left my retainer on the TV tray when we left.

Somewhere in the 6 hours my dad and I were without communication, I decided to pack up some more stuff in my backpack. I grabbed our old laptop and its cord, all my handwritten writing, and my textbooks. Then, I decided to sort through my old movie case. There, I found my old box set of Dragon Ball GT and a few DB movies. I decided to take it with me. Before we left, I grabbed my favorite blanket too.

We left the house at 3:14 pm. My old man dog rode in the floorboard. I had to sit cross legged on the seat. Me and my dad, 3 dogs, and 9 cats went up and around. At 4:30 pm, I got service back. At around 5:30, we were safe at the family friend who saved my horse’s house in Oroville. I got to go to Walmart and get new clothes and a toothbursh, take a shower, and then we were evacuated again. This time, we went to my friend’s husband’s family’s house in Bangor. We stayed there for the night and returned to Oroville the next day. We were evacuated from there again on November 10 and returned the next day.

On November 15, I got to see my old man horse again. That was also the day we found we were one of the lucky few who secured a rental house until we were able to return to our house, which was just outside the fire line. We cleaned it ourselves and moved in on the 17th. On November 18, we got to return to the stables and retrieve our stuff. On November 25, we got photographic confirmation that Torey the car and our stuff was burned to a crisp. The VIN and all but 4 characters of the plate were gone, which is why it took so long. Another family friend had to call in a favor from an old high school friend who became a cop to find it.

On December 8, at 3:17 pm, we were able to return home. We were fucking lucky.

View from down my road that morning

Old man cat out for a potty break

View of Paradise from Highway 32

RIP Torey

Found my 2DS. Lightly crisped.

Here’s my grandma’s house. Can you find my bed? Hint: it’s under the AC unit

It’s messy and old, but it’s home.

#camp fire california #paradise california #long post

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that-horror-gal · 5 years

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I know what I saw

As many of you might already know, many Navajo people (including my own family), are very reluctant to speak about skinwalkers because it is believed to attract their attention. Well, I however, grew up away from the Navajo Nation and was very naive about the subject. When it came to skinwalkers, I was an absolute skeptic. My mom used to tell a story of how back in the 80's when she lived with her siblings and my grandparents (still in Shiprock, but the southern outskirts) about how she and my aunt saw a skin walker just outside their driveway under a street light. She described it as a black dog with dirty fur, a twisted noodle-like front leg, and these unnatural eyes with a soft burnt orange glow. Me being my own closed minded self doubted every word, but I never said my doubts aloud.

BUT, these doubts totally changed last year when I went to my grandparents house last October. Me and my family had just finished scourging the carnival at the Navajo Nation Fair and called it night. The house was close enough where we could walk home in just 10 minutes, so we did. When we got there it was about 9 at night where we stayed up until about 2 catching up about family affairs and the local news. It was during that time that I just decidedly opened my mouth and blurt out the question, "Hey are skinwalkers real?". "guys?", I asked. "You shouldn't be speaking about that!" my grandma said with almost a disturbed yell in her voice. So she and my grandfather both decide to go to bed. After being scolded by my mom, one of my aunts chimes in with a very cautious tone and says, "They're real alright, had a few start screaming outside of my trailer in Farmington just a few night ago. You're cousin had nightmares the whole night and woke up crying that morning." Not wanting to push the discomfort any further, we all decided to go to bed. Now the trailer/home is pretty old and it was a really nice night, so we slept with the windows open with screens to prevent bugs coming in. Everyone had drifted off to sleep except me, because my mind was still going a million miles a minute about skinwalkers and wondered if I ever encounter one while here on the reservation (As a kid I was told its taboo to think about skinwalkers because it can still call their attention). That's when the sh*t totally hit the fan.

Just as I was settling and finally getting relaxed for sleep, I started to hear something moving outside. I get up from the couch and start wandering over to the kitchen window. In the trailer, all of the rooms have the lights out so the only visible light that can be seen is from the porch light out front. I was thankful for this because I told myself if it really was a skin walker outside then hopefully it wouldn't notice me seeing it. So I muster up the courage and take a quick scan of outside. From the porch light all I can see is the dusty ground and the vehicles that my family drove along with some old metal trashcans that stood beside the road. Looking for about a good 5 seconds, I wasn't able to see anything so I was getting ready to turn around and walk back to bed thinking it was just a stray cat or something. Only have taken two steps, I hear what sound like a distorted scream coming from outside, definitely close by. Fear rising, I look outside again and there I see it! A coyote-like figure was staring at my direction from behind the cars, just outside of the reach of the porch light. Only it looked, awfully wrong, and gave off an evil vibe just from seeing it. It was grey with very disheveled hair and a horrific orange-red soft glow came from its eyes. I noped the hell out and ran back to the bedroom. It was at this moment I had begun to also notice an awful stench in the air that smelled like rotting meat. I started trying to wake up my mom who was like, "omg, its almost 3am, what do you want?". I immediately began in a shaken voice, "there's something scary outside!". Then she said (now annoyed because I woke her up), "Ugh it's probably just a stray animal or something, it's the rez, animals wander all the time at night." She obviously wasn't getting the drift of what I was saying so I screamed, "THERE'S SOME BLAIR WITCH PROJECT SH*T GOING ON OUTSIDE, MA!!!"

that got her attention

"What?! What the hell are you talking about??" she said. Then we heard it, the thing outside started making more of it's dreadful like screams and started what sounded like thrashing outside on the ground. "Hear that?! That's what I'm talking about!" So both her and I got back up looked outside the window and the coyote-thing was making it's way to the door. It walked with an odd limp and dragged it's back right leg as if it has handicapped. We could hear it start to scratch against the door and make this odd muffled moaning sound. My mom went and got my dad and they both started shouted in Navajo all sorts of words telling the thing to go away and saying it's not welcome here. Well all this commotion was enough to get the rest of the trailer up as they came out into the hallway. The only thing my mom did was turn to them and said "skin walker" while proceeding to point to the door (noises STILL happening). Apparently they already knew exactly what to do as my grandfather got out a handgun from a drawer and a bag of ashes. He coated a few bullets and loaded them into the gun and went straight to the door. Yelling out more Navajo that was too fast for me to comprehend he swung open the door and fired twice. Nothing. The thing managed to escape before my grandpa could put a bullet in it. "That's the fastest one I've ever seen", said my grandpa. Next thing you know my aunts and my parents are freaking out about what just happened saying stuff like, "What if it comes back tomorrow?" and "It saw us, does that mean we're targets now?". Afterwards my grandparents calmed everyone down (myself included) saying we'll be fine and we all went to bed (around 3-ish)

Morning comes and my grandparents call one of their neighbors and explain to them what happened. Apparently one of them was a medicine man who used to partake in Yei Bi Chei's (Navajo ceremonies used for healing and curing sickness) and came over to bless each family member and the grounds outside.

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clownsgobeepbeep · 5 years

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✖your pic

21.)Affectionate Kiss

A future birthday party

@grotesquegabby ‘Cause yours are here

I apologize for this will be a little long, that being because I tried including as much interactions as possible

After a while of planning and setting things up, Cosmos and Vespers were finally at ease...some ease at least. Thankfully, no money was spent on the venue in which a birthday party was being held, Phoebe’s birthday party.

She had decided that she wanted a “small” party with just her family and thankfully had asked to have it at Cosmos’ diner, so he closed it off to celebrate his little moth.

“Hi there birthday girl.~”

“You actually came!”

“Well, why in the world would I miss my niece’s birthday party?”

“I dunno, why would you miss my birthday party? It’s the best there is!” Phoebe giggled as she greeted her aunt Juno, taking her hand as she walked her through the diner, or rolled around with. “Why are you late?”

“Just some hold up, nothing to worry about.” Juno smiled down at her noticing the sparkly skates on her niece’s feet. “What are those?”

“These are one of the gifts my daddies gave me! I sparkle so much! Hey, did you bring me a gift auntie?”

“Of course I did.” Juno nodded as she revealed the box she had somehow been hiding behind her.

“Auntie!”

Phoebe and Juno looked up ahead where they heard running footsteps, Juno soon feeling arms and legs wrap around her legs which made her laugh.

“Guuuuys, get off auntie! I was greeting her!” Phoebe frowned as her twin siblings giggled to themselves.

“You have to learn to share Phoebe.~” they creepily said in unison, Phoebe rolling her eyes before she rolled away on her sparkly skates. On her way away from the twins, she grabbed a large basket that was filled with sparkly bags that each contained goodies like candies, and she thought that maybe now was the time to pass them around. At least there was a whole lot of other family around the diner. Soon enough, she saw a friend who sat alone, smiling as they looked out into the rink full of guests.

“Hiya Rory.”

“Hello Miss Phoebe.” the doll smiled at her, talking quietly yet was surprisingly heard by Phoebe despite the loud music playing. “How do you do?”

“I’m a little bored. I already went skating, and then bowling, and then the arcade, and to get food.”Phoebe shrugged as she also watched the rink. “Where’s Clara?”

“She is with Rudy.” Rory chuckled to themself as their eyes landed on said boy.

“I feel bad for that kid.”

“Why is that?”

“Well I mean look at him! He’s a mess!” Phoebe exclaimed as the pair watched as Rudy stumbled to the ground right in front of Clara, and she worriedly helped him up before checking his face for any injuries. Rudy practically melted in her hands, but this was because he was extremely embarrassed.

“And I mean, he’s even best friends with-”

“What are you two marks doing here all alone?” asked a voice that made Phoebe’s antennaes droop and her lips frown.

“Hello, Carney.” Rory plainly said as they turned to their right where Carney now squeezed in between the pair, reaching over to grab a bag from Phoebe’s basket.

“Candy bags! Nice!” he laughed before shoving one of the candies into his mouth. “Hey Buggy, give me some more for my sisters! I’m gonna give it to them.”

“No you won’t, you’re going to keep them all to yourself.”

“Nuh uh! I’m gonna give it to them. Right,-” Carney turned to Rory, his smile fading as he looked at Rory’s own smile. It was an innocent, sweet smile...but...there was something...very off...”Um...w-where’s, um...have you seen my mom?”

Carney turned to Phoebe, his eyes widening as he saw her green eyes turn fiery which made him gulp. He turned back to Rory, and then Phoebe, and it continued like that for a while before he gave a cough, sliding off the bench they had all been on. In an instant, he ran away, even forgetting his candy bag.

“Well anyways.Here you go Rory, a goodie bag for you.” Phoebe now smiled as her eyes went back to normal, Rory gratefully taking the bag before the two waved goodbye to each other. Soon, Phoebe was on her way once again. Now, she reached another set of benches which made her grin as she skated over to them.

“Grandpa Peri! Grandma Lyra!” she exclaimed before sitting on Peregrine’s lap, hugging him tightly as her grandparents smiled at her.

“How is the birthday girl doing?” Lyra asked as she pinched Phoebe’s cheek. “How does it feel being a year older?”

“Great! Just seven more years till I’m the Dancing Queen!” Phoebe shouted before looking at Peregrine. “Aren’t you guys gonna go skate with us?”

“We’re gonna sit it out for now, is that okay with you?” Peregrine asked as he tucked Phoebe’s hair behind her ear.

“Oh yeah, that’s fine! Even Auntie Magpie is sitting down, probably ‘cause of all the times she crashed into the wall and the floor.”Phoebe shrugged, then giving Peregrine an affectionate kiss on the cheek which made him lightly chuckle. “I’m gonna go with everybody else now, I just came to drop off these goodies that my auntie Juno made for everybody. She even got sparkly bags!”

“These are so sweet Phoebe.” Lyra smiled as she took a bag. “But I’m afraid your grandfather-”

“My grandpa what?”Phoebe interrupted, giving her grandparents a sweet smile and a flutter of her long eyelashes that not even Peregrine could resist.

“I love this bag, thank you Phoebe.” he ‘finished’ for Lyra, taking the bag as he gave Phoebe a kiss as well before she hopped off his lap and rolled away to the next guests.

Peregrine peeked into his sparkly bag, looking at all the sweets inside which made him scrunch up his nose a bit. However, just for Phoebe he would take them.

“Did you hear that?” Lyra interrupted his thoughts.

“Hear what?” he asked, then looking around before he gave a frown, the couple speaking together as they heard arguing and inhumane sounds that they easily recognized as:

“The twins.”

______________________________________________________________

“Why aren’t you guys skating?” Phoebe tilted her head as she now stood behind the trio consisting of Davey, Benjamin and Harper, all sitting on the rink’s rail.

“We’re taking a break.”Benjamin stated before taking a sip of his soda.

“And think this stuff is pretty boring. “Davey shrugged before taking a bite of his pizza slice. “Besides, I don’t want to be on the same rink as doofus over there.”

Phoebe turned to the rink as she caught sight of her cousin Ula and her boyfriend Schrader, both of course skating and laughing with each other.

“Schrader? But he’s a cool guy.”

“Pfft, sure.”Davey rolled his eyes before finishing his pizza. “Like I said, he’s a doofus and I don’t want to do any boring skating.”

“Not even with your mommy?~” a voice said behind the kids, Davey’s eyes widening as they all turned around to see Jelly with Penelope and Cordelia on each of her sides.

“Mom, I don’t wanna-”

“Come on you salty sailor, you’ve been sitting here the entire party.” Jelly shook her head as she helped Davey down, turning to the Cordelia and Penelope. “You two girls go on without me, I’ll be there in a sec.”

“Moooom.” Davey slightly groaned as he was being carried away, though he didn’t really mind that part nor the affectionate kiss given to him by his mother. Phoebe then gave a snicker before turning to the remaining boys.

“Anyways, I’ve got some goodies for you guys!”

______________________________________________________________

Phoebe was now on the rink, watching her family skate around as she realized that...she surprisingly hadn’t seen her fathers in a while. Hm, she imagined papa would be dancing his awesome dances while dad video taped him with his phone.

“What’s up birthday girl?”

Phoebe turned to her side as she noticed her cousin Ula skating right next to her.

“Oh, nothing. I just don’t know where my fathers are.”

“They’re probably off making out in the kitchen.”

“What?”

“I said they’re probably hanging out in the kitchen, handling food and your cake, ya know?” Ula giggled. “There’s nothing to worry about Pheebs, they’re just trying to make today super special for you. And my mom also told them to not constantly be on your tail.”

“Oh, so they’re giving me some space then?”

“Yeah.”

“Hey, where’s your boyfriend?”

“Oh, he’s just taking a break with Dante. We came a little late because he had to finish work before coming here so he’s a little tired.”

“What about your uncle?”

“Pepper? Billy?”

“No, the hamster guy.”

“Ah, James. He’s hanging out with Magpie, having a little chat. Both seem to suck at skating.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” Phoebe giggled as Ula did so as well before noticing Phoebe’s basket.

“What’s that?”

“Oh, these are the goodie bags my auntie Juno made for the guests!” she smiled before handing two to Ula. “For you and Schrader.”

“Thanks. And what about those last two?” Ula pointed at the remaining bags.

“These are for my daddies but like I said, I haven’t seen them.”

“Well, I’d say your luck is turning around.”Ula smiled as she made Phoebe stop skating, then pointing to the outside of the rink which made Phoebe smile with a gasp. Soon, she skated her way out of the rink at full speed before jumping in the air, her wings spreading before she landed in Vespers’ arms.

“Dad! Papa!” she exclaimed before giving a pout. “Where the heck have you two been!?”

“We were getting your cake ready.”Cosmos chuckled as he gave Phoebe an affectionate kiss on the cheek.” Your uncle Pepper and aunt Belinda were helping us out.”

“All this time!?”

“Well, not really.”Vespers gave a small laugh as he stepped away along with Cosmos, revealing the gift table behind them that had one more gift.”We had to drag this in, and without you noticing it.”

Despite the stacks of gifts, the newest addition was the one that stood out for it was the largest one, and very large it was.

“I wanna open it! I wanna open it!” Phoebe reached out towards the gift as her fathers laughed.

“Let’s cut the cake first, yeah?”

“Hurry up then!” Phoebe wiggled in Vespers’ arms before she was set down to skate away on her sparkly skates, but not before both Cosmos and Vespers kissed her cheeks in an affectionate manner. “Everyone get your butts over here! We’re cutting the caaaaake!”

“Oh god.” Vespers shook his head as he laughed, then feeling Cosmos kiss him on the temple with the same affection given to Phoebe.

“What do you expect? We raised a cute, energetic, little moth.” Cosmos chuckled as he watched Phoebe hurriedly gather everybody up, even noticing each set of her grandparents holding each twin. “She’s gonna disown those skates you made soon.”

“Shut up dude.”Vespers playfully hit Cosmos before giving a sigh.”But you’re right.She’s gonna go crazy once she unwraps that car you made.”

The couple turned to each other, sharing one more kiss before excited chaos ensued.

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keeyo7 · 5 years

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You guys are cool and I feel like I can kinda vent on here because you guys are cool and I’m pretty sure my family won’t see this. So May is a tough month for me. It’s my birthday month, but it’s also the month when my grandpa died. My grandpa and I were really close. I’m named after him, I lived with him pretty much all of my life from when I was three until he passed, he’s the one that got me into comic books, and I would spend a lot of time with him especially after high school when I had the free time to hang out while my brothers were at school and my parents were at work. He’s the reason keeyo is my username on like everything! After my grandma died when I was 3 my family moved in to take care of him and when we moved before my 4th brother was born he ended up moving into the house next door so I got to live with him right next door to my family from 6th grade to senior year in high school when we finally moved into a bigger house where we could all fit but that period of time was great cause during our down time it was just me and my grandpa. When we went on family trips more often than not I would stay with my grandpa when my family would go out if town for the most part I would stay with my grandpa. We were really close.

Now I’m fortunate enough that I hadn’t really experienced a “big” family death at that point but as my grandpa got older we were kind of starting to talk about it more as a possibility as a family. Then in 2015 things took a turn for the worst. I’m glad I had this moment but in April of that year my family had gone to a party and I had stayed to hang out with my grandpa. He called me into his room and we had this big talk about his time coming and how he was ready. I came out of it worried but still in a place where I thought it was still a time away. May comes and my birthday passes and then my grandpa goes in for a routine checkup where he almost died because he was bleeding internally. He was lucky to have been at the hospital and while we were celebrating the fact that he made it through that the doctors had run some more tests. Now as I’ve stated I thought everything was pretty fine and it was Memorial Day weekend so my girlfriend and I watch movies and we drive to Krispy Kreme to get donuts at like 3 in the morning. We sleep in cause we were up all night and I get a call from my mom at noon that we have to get to the hospital immediately. I’m kind of freaking out because of how she sounded but again I’m a state of everything’s probably going to be fine. We drive to the hospital and we get up to my grandpas room where my brothers and parents already are. They’re talking to my grandpa when we walk in and my parents take me out into the hallways. They close the door and that’s when they tell me my grandpa is full of cancer and he has decided to stop his dialysis so he could go out on his own terms. I immediately start crying but I walk down the hall away from his room because I don’t want my brothers to see me because I got the news first. I’m crying by the vending machine and I tell my girlfriend about it. I calm down enough to go back to the room where everyone is sad and crying except for my grandpa who’s happy he’s going to get to go home and eat wherever he wants and that he doesn’t have to do dialysis anymore. I volunteer my girlfriend and myself to take my youngest brother home with us while my family checks my grandpa out of the hospital. Idk what to do at this point, I woke up at noon after staying up all night just to find out my grandpa is going to die. What am I supposed to do? I decided we need things, I tell my girlfriend we need to go to the grocery store. Also at this point I didn’t have a job and I kind of don’t have any money. Since it had been my birthday recently I had some birthday money but that’s it. So what I do is I spend all of that birthday money on food and drinks and snacks that I feel like my family will want because I don’t know what to do. We buy a much of groceries I’m crying my girlfriends trying to be there for me but she doesn’t know what to do either my little brother doesn’t know what’s going on cause he’s three and the cashier is just like “ alright that’ll be a bunch of money” we get home and my family isn’t there yet. I bring in all the groceries and once I’m done I just sit in my grandpas lazy boy and don’t move until my family gets home. My girlfriend makes food cause I’m useless and my little brother probably watched tv.

My family gets home and that’s when the real prep starts. My grandpa has a lot of family and friends we assume will come see him because you know. One of my bothers has a broken leg and couldn’t walk up the stairs so we had moved his bed downstairs so he could sleep in the living room but we couldn’t have that because people were coming over and for some reason my family did not have a couch at the time so my brothers and I had to get my brothers bed or of the living room and my parents had to find a couch in the quick. Also my grandpa wasn’t out of the hospital yet for reasons and my aunt was going to be bringing him over so we had to get things presentable for them. My mom has two full siblings and Idk how many half siblings (those are stories for another day) and them and their families are going to stay with us while my grandpa is going through his last however long he has. This brings us into stuff idk know enough about and also shouldn’t talk about but it was a rough week. My girlfriend had the weekend off cause it was Memorial Day but had to get back to where she lived and go back to work so that Tuesday she left knowing she’d probably never see my grandpa alive again. What I regret about that period of time was I didn’t spend enough time with my grandpa. I know it’s never enough but that week in particular I took a step back and let my cousins and sibling spend more time with him because I felt like they didn’t have as much time with him as I had so they need it more. There were some tensions having my aunts uncles and cousin there and everyone was highly emotional because of the situation. Wednesday my dad and I walked to the corner store to buy mr. good bars for everyone cause they’re my grandpas favorite and sometime in the evening he went to sleep for the last time. That Thursday we knew the time was near so we all had our private moments with him and spent all day standing in and outside his room just waiting. It didn’t happen until around 5:30. We all let our emotions out, I had to escort one of my brothers from the room and get some fresh air. I texted my girlfriend and she came down as fast as she could and my family waited for the funeral home to come collect him.

Theres a lot before, during, and after that time I have a lot of feelings about. I was kind of abandoned emotionally by someone close to me that I’ve forgiven but still hurts, family stuff that still stands to this day, and just I don’t really like my birthday month anymore. When my birthday comes around it’s three weeks to the day before the anniversary of my grandpas death. I’m feeling it cause it’s coming up and overall it’s kind of fucked me up these past four years and I’m trying to make myself deal with it better but it’s hard you know? I’m barley starting to move forward and I let myself wallow and stagnant too much because of this. Today was kind of hard I’m not sure why, maybe it was the weather, maybe it was my brother writing a song dedicated to my grandpa, maybe it’s just because it’s the end of May and the day is coming up but today was really hard. If you read all of this thank you and I’m sorry it’s so long, I needed to write this out cause I haven’t talked about it much since it happened and I haven’t really dealt with it in a healthy way so I thought this would help me.

#stuff #im sorry #this is very long

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penpal-shenanigans · 5 years

Text

Len's Delivery

To see the FoF letter click or tap HERE

Five years ago

I haven't had a response from His Grace from another universe. We are packing our things for next week because we have to move, as told by Katrina and Mark. One of the demon hunters are exposed and it turns out to be the king himself. An earthquake has struck Simsland and I hear talk about a new volcano that has sprouted from the earthquake that happened. And as I grab an empty box, I hear a voice that is yelling... In French. That must be Kat's nephew, Lester Rosas. A sudden bang to the door causing Oliver to jump up and scream. I rush to the door and what greets me is a blond teenager, looking down with his hand on his face.

"L-Lester?"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaïeeeeeee! Ça fait mal, Papaaaaaaaaaa! Mon nez, merde!" He cries. He looks up and wipes his bleeding nose. "Mr. Sawyer! You write letters to His Grace from another universe, right?"

"Erm... Yes. Kid, your nose."

"I know, Sir. That I can manage on my own. Uhhhhh..." He begins searching in his bag and he pulls out some block wrapped in aged paper with a dark ruby wax seal of a rose, dusted with some gold on top of it. "These are a deck of tarot cards, made by yours truly." He hands me the wrapped deck and it has a signature below it.

"Clair?"

"That is my second name, Monsieur! Don't ask about it, blame my grandma for telling my mom that idea for a name." Lester has a second name? I learned something new today. I give the cards a whiff and it smells like tea. Green tea.

"Bruh, why it smell like tea?"

"Elisa stole all my tea! So I stole some of the paper and made these. I better get going to the ER now, send them to the AU King of Simsland. I wanna know something about a certain guy and I included a letter inside it for both of them to see. Au revoir!" He runs to his motorbike and rides off. My husband looks over my shoulder and looked at the thing I'm holding

"Tea?"

"No."

The folded letter above the deck:

"Dear Your Majesty,

Enchanté ! I am Lester Clair Rosas, an artist and musician, like my dad who had a strong platonic bond with the late king he in this world before his death. I made some tarot cards for an experiment, because here in our universe, an acquaintance of mine named Henry Fyres enchanted another set of tarot cards I made and made a huge crater deep in the woods of Granite Falls and he caused huge chunks of earth from the crater to float up into the sky. That was back in August of 2028. I am wondering if you have someone similar in your universe.

We've found out that if a deck of tarot cards will be used for divination, a spell caster should enchant it. (Learned it from a benevolent Acedian, demon of sloth, who had connections with my cousins' grandma.) It is up to you whether you want to keep it or send it back. These custom Tarot de Marseille cards are just for this experiment.

If they are unwilling to enchant these, that's fine. You can return them and have me sell them to a beginner spellcaster who would want to try enchanting a tarot deck if that pleases you and your âme sœur. I understand if you send them back unenchanted. I am not going to force them to if they don't want to. I'm glad to hear that we are able to connect to someone in a different universe.

-Lester Rosas

By the way: Le fantôme de ma petite amie dit mon jeu de cartes ne ressemble pas à ivrogne a dessiné les dessins, mais j'étais saoul quand je dessi leu. Notamment, le carte « Le Diable », où je buvait moitié un bouteille de non dilué absinthe (mon grand père ne sera pas contant) et un deux bouteilles entier de un mélange des tequila et vodka. C'était un jour charmant qui je souffert. "

Five years later

It has been four years since Elisa, her mom, her cousin, her grandpa and her girlfriend made the internet that connects to other universes. I remember what she said while Katrina is talking to me via video call. A girl who happily yelled 'This is fucking science!' I'm glad Kat is good with her children as both of them do amazing things. We moved back to Brindleton Bay from San Myshuno after the defeat of ▉▉▉▉▉▉ and the redemption of Noel. Finally our children and pets can be at home in peace. A mysterious email showed up in my inbox and I see it's from the King of the alternate Simsland. I read the email from His Grace and then I tuck away Elois from the couch to her bed. A knock from our front door just after I gave Taffy and Butterscotch some food. What greets me is a tall, handsome man with golden brown hair and hazel eyes. Call me guilty for checking him out while intimidated.

"May... I... Help you?" I ask.

"Fear not, I'm Χιόνι, the white crow that Katrina had kept. I am in debt for the kindness of some of the recipients and senders who were kind to me and you're one of them."

"O-Oh?"

"I go by Zaphyr now, as a reminiscence to my very old name. I will send a something for your pen pal, if you please."

"Sure... Wait... Uh... Stay inside? For a moment?" I say with my shaky voice. I go off and grab a box that has the unopened, wax seal still in place tarot cards, drawings made by my sons and daughter for the King of Simsland in the other universe and a folder with Filipino songs in it. I also included the pastel blue bear charm my husband knitted, a set of small skull earrings in a small gift box and a hand written 'Take care of yourselves' poster I just did. I give the box to Zaphyr and we nod.

"I will send this to him with utmost care." He goes out and flies off. This is the first time I have seen an actual angel fly. I got to my computer to reply to the email.

"Dear His Majesty,

I understand the late reply as there could've been so much happening in your life, just like us. Recently, the demon troublemaker is defeated and we have moved back to our home in Brindleton Bay since Simsland is now finally safer and more at peace. We also found out that it is possible for a demon to posses another demon. Huh.

A lot of good things have been happening. The king of our universe is engaged, Elisa had done a lot of inventions and made a special internet that can connect to other universes, her sister, Emilia, made so many cures and vaccines, our neighbour freed her fiancé from hell and will be married soon, and so much great things going on. We also had children. They're Elois, Tristan and Andrew and they're very active and healthy and my bizarrely eccentric husband has finally calmed down after all that mess was over.

We're also sending a care package to you, via the old way of sending it to you, but instead of a white crow, it's someone by the name of Zaphyr. It also has some of the things we were supposed to send to you years ago and we were able to preserve them well.

The Simsland here is getting better knowledge thanks to the Rosas-Vatore family. There is also a museum built in Windenburg for the ancient artifacts from angels and demons. Our neighbor has finally cleared her storage and I hear the museum will have very high security.

On the question of are there good demons and bad demons, well it seems so. I'm told there are differences with demons raised by humans on earth and demons raised in hell. It also seems that there are angels that aren't good as they seem as I heard that an angel harrassed a good demon and several humans.

A lot of stuff happening like a volcano just formed from a magic induced earthquake five years ago. I forgot what it is called and I hear that weird things happen there. There's also a bunch of floating rocks in some forest in Granite Falls and Oasis Springs' river started flowing backwards.

I hope things are going well for you in your universe.

Sincerely, Len Dean-Sawyer"

I press send before I go play with Taffy. I hope the package gets to them.

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nightwingism · 5 years

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5-Years in the Making

So hey, uhm. Hi guys. This isn’t Nightwing related at all, so if you’re following me for that, I’m sorry. This post isn’t the content for you. It’s also VERY long - 5 years long - so if you don’t want to read it, don’t worry about it. It’s also why I’m posting this at 3:13 AM.

I just wanted to take the time and tell a story of my life. Just stuff that has been effecting me since mid 2014. You obviously don’t have to read it. I just wanted to air it out. Get most of it off my chest.

I feel like it’s important to talk about things that hurt you. That effect you. It’s better to do that than to bottle things up inside you. You know? Because if you just keep it bottled up, where’s the healing? If you let it out, maybe you can make room for something better.

That’s my philosophy anyways. The stuff I tell people. And this is me practicing what I preach.

Please don’t try to figure out who people are, or anything like that. I’d like to keep that a secret. Thanks.

In 2014, during my Junior year in High School, both my Uncle and my Grandpa died. My Uncle, who I was named after, died from an 11 month battle with cancer. My Grandpa died due to smoke inhalation during a house fire a month later that destroyed my Grandparent’s house, due to possibly arson caused by a person who was living in the home. This happened during the months of May - July, roughly. If I’m being honest, this time period really blurred together for me, as it happened just so fast. During this time, my maternal side of the family got really close to each other.

I mean, when I talk to other people about family and stuff, we were always abnormally close, but we got even closer during this time. We had a shirt made up and everything “(Blank) Strong” and what not. Over summer, we spent an ungodly amount of time with each other, as a sort of “mending period.” Slept over at each other’s house, never went anywhere and just stayed cooped up in the house. To be able to lean on each other for comfort.

Which was very odd for me, since for the previous 17 years of my life, I was essentially bullied by most of them for showing any kind of emotions, for being too emotional. Verbal, emotional, physical. The normal bullying. I’m the youngest, and a boy, so I guess I was supposed to be this unfeeling, unemotional, robot? So to be expected to let out these emotions was weird. I don’t know. I wasn’t able to do it. It just never felt right for me to express sadness when the pain was so much stronger in others. It was a really hard time, feeling like my feelings were invalid due to others and the fact that I just felt like I couldn’t let them out.

It’s not like I didn’t feel bad, or missed - miss - them. I do. Still do 5 years later. But seeing how hard it was for my mom, dad, siblings, and just that whole side of the family, I felt like I had to kind of just saddle that shit up and put on some kind of front. I don’t know. Like I said, it was a really hard time.

My cousins weren’t much older, but they sure loved to act out the adult stuff. For that week, I went to every single party I could go to. Which was basically all of them. And I got my first taste of the stereotypically “high school parties” and all that comes with it.

I got drunk for the first time, I got high for the first time, I got cross faded for the first time. The whole 9 yards. Turns out? Not a fan of the former and latter - the middle is alright I guess. Being doing the former a lot recently (but that’s a whole different can of worms). So after that, I basically said “nah, not for me. I don’t need that.” Can you really call it cutting it cold turkey if it was only for a week? I guess to just illustrate that point.

2014-2015 senior year went by and we continued to be a really close family.

For Christmas that year, in 2014, my Aunt boasted that she had got us all tickets to go to Cancun for the 4th of July weekend in 2015. Cool, great. During this time we all /loved/ each other, we’re all so close. We would all be 18 years or older by then, so we would all be legally able to drink in Mexico. What could possibly go wrong??

The answer is everything. Everything could go wrong.

This was during Summer School during my 1st year in college, where I was doing Cross Country and in the middle of the training days. So during the trip, I would have to run on a treadmill and workout. Not important to the story, just trying to situate this in my own personal timeline.

The first two days were fine. My cousins and I went to the “club” and I danced with a girl twice my height and totally out of my league. I swam with my newborn niece, babysat my young cousin. My dad recommended me some drinks that mask the taste of alcohol. It was fun. At night my cousins and I would “FaceTime” all of our girlfriends before going to bed or whenever. I put FaceTime in quotes because we had to use this special app due to location and everything. it was weird. I also don’t have an iPhone so.

It really was a great trip those two days.

Then the third day came around. It was on July 3rd. I only remember the date because it was literally the day before the 4th. So 4 - 1, yeah. Anyways. I forget how this whole thing started, but basically I wanted to stay in the room and talk to my at the time girlfriend. I missed her and all that. And I really didn’t want to play volleyball with random girls? But I was talked into it, and i said fine. Whatever.

Went to play, we played a few rounds. It was whatever. After those rounds, they said they were going to clean off and we’ll start a new round. I didn’t want to clean off, since we were still playing and that would just be a waste, so I waited around.

And waited. and waited. and waited.

Half hour goes by and I’m wondering where the hell they were. Turns out, they went to play a whole different game in the pool and just never told me. Ditched me in a game I didn’t even want to play to begin with.

Rude.

But whatever. So I went to go hang out with my niece because I love her and she was barely going to be 3 months. So still cute.

We were told that we would have to wake up early for the next day (the 4th) because we had something planned, and to make sure we had alarms and room service and all of that situated. I made sure to set that up.

That night, the two cousins wanted to go out to the club again. I was still upset with them so I said no, it was going to be an early night for me. And it was an early night. That is, until they came back into the room at 3am drunk out of their minds with two random girls.

They were the opposite of quiet or considerate. I woke up basically right away. I forget how the conversations went, but the main thing that stuck out to me the most was one of them saying “If he wakes up, I’m leaving.” So I pretended to be asleep so they can have their fun. Whatever. I just want them to shut up and let me sleep.

After an hour of them talking loudly to each other and failing to get them in bed, my cousins take them back to their rooms. So this is roughly 4ish

Me being me locked the door on them, but had second thoughts and unlocked the door. That would have been funny but cruel.

But it probably would have been better than what I did.

So remember when I said I put alarms and room services? Yeah well I totally forgot about that. Turns out I asked for room service for 6am?? Which is an ungodly hour anyways. Lots of metal pans and plates and metal stuff was ushered into our room, and it was like a scene from a movie.

And I was irrationally pissed at everything. And I take full responsibility for being an idiot and not taking the high road. But at the moment, and at the time, it felt like the thing to do.

So I banged on a few of the pans. Turned on the TV and for some reason Women’s tennis was playing. Great. Turned that shit up high. And I really just wanted to give them a taste of their own medicine. Show them how it felt to be rudely woken up.

Well they didn’t like it much. After a few verbal spats thrown towards me, which is nothing new, been told most of those things by them my whole life, whatever, one of them says “he’s a (last name), of course he’s a bitch, all the (last names) are bitches” and that really got to me.

Because, sure yeah, I can be a dick, an asshole, a douchebag, whatever. But he brought my family into this. My mom, my dad. My whole paternal side. And that really just broke the camel’s back.

To this day, I don’t know how I was able to get out of my bed, get into their bed, without spilling my bowl of cereal, and without them reacting before I was able to throw my 4th punch, but on God, I did it.

Though, I really wasn’t able to get a 5th one in, when they were able to react and go all 2v1. One held, one hit. That was a fun time. I learned I have a pretty solid head that could take a good amount of punches. Almost went blind in my right eye because one of them did the old “thumb in the eye socket” technique. Still have the scar under my eye from it too. But I got a nice clean cut on that one’s neck.

After that we had a very long verbal spat about how “we’re a family goddamn it” and “grandma and my mom thought you’ve been a douche this whole trip” and “you’re just jealous of how we are closer than you could ever be”, oh and a few more random things thrown in there.

They went back to bed, and I sat there on my bed. Watching Tennis. Each wack of the racquet just kind of reminding me of the events prior.

Oh and it turned out we didn’t have to be up until like 9. So I laid there for like 2 hours like that. I just remember typing everything that happened and sending it to my girlfriend, because I just needed to tell someone, and I didn’t want to forget any of it.

It was also then that I basically had a dilemma.

If I told my family what happened, the trip was over. Completely over. This getaway adventure to escape our troubles would turn into a family spat. And I just couldn’t do that to them. I couldn’t.

So i didn’t.

I remember thinking up a lie on the spot to explain why my eye was bloodied. I said I fell into the side of the drawer. I remember my rational was something along the lines of “I needed something to be so obviously a lie, that they wouldn't bother to ask me to elaborate now”. And they didn’t.

This was the 4th. And I think we went home on the 7th? So I just needed to avoid everything for the next 3 days and then I was home free.

Before it was over, my mom and sister got into a little fight, so we both isolated ourselves from the group. She asked me what really happened, and I told her. So she really helped me throughout those days.

The trip was over. Woot. Now I never had to see any of them again, because I would be able to just say no to family get-togethers. Get a life of my own.

NOPE.

We had a dodger game THAT Friday. And we already bought the tickets. So I couldn’t really say no. And my girlfriend was coming too, so at least I’d have her to keep me sane.

Well, here’s the funny thing. It wasn’t until the drive to the game where my family finally turned to me and asked “So what really happened”.

Before I told the story, I literally BEGGED my mom not to say anything. I made her promise multiple times that she wouldn’t. And she promised and agreed. So I told my tale of astonishment, everything up to this point. How they were all called bitches and that’s what set me off to turn it physical.

Again, I just want to say that I know I shouldn’t have turned it physical. But insulting me is one thing, insulting my family is a whole other level.

Anyways, we get to the game. (There’s a part where my grandma was upset because I didn’t hug her? But I honestly don’t remember that because I just remember trying to find the bathroom. So maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t, I still don’t know) I get my food, and we go up to the seats. I’m already sitting on the top - away from everyone as much as I can - and everyone starts to work there way in. Eventually my mom and dad start walking up.

And this is where all hell breaks loose.

My mom shouts “the bitches are here” and that was really just. Wow. Insults are hurled, slander is tossed. It was a very lively discussion. And there I was. Just sitting there, because the ONE thing I didn’t want to happen, the ONE thing I tried so hard not to let happen, is unfolding right in front of me.

I remember one of the female cousins who wasn’t involved try to argue some point, one of the male cousins crying, and my aunt saying “did you see what he did to (my son’s) neck!” and my mom responding “Yes I did!” all proud.

Fast forwarding to April 2016, and to sort of just fill everything in from Dodgers game to then, it was basically full of Facebook digs directed towards us, my grandma saying for us to knock it off and stop enticing them, and then more digs.

For someone reason, no one in my family was safe. All of us had something negative to be said. But it basically boiled down to it being targeted at me (of course), my mom, and my oldest sister.

Anyways, in April, my grandma was having a birthday party. I forget how old she was turning, but we had a big celebration. I remember it was only supposed be “X” amount of money, but it seemingly doubled over night to pay for things that weren’t needed to be paid. A lot of wasted money.

It was my grandma’s birthday though. And that wasn’t a thing I was going to miss, regardless of how everything was.

A lot of things transpired that night. Small things. But things none the less.

The next day, I sent a text to my aunt, telling her what I felt and why I felt that way. I believe it was mainly addressed to talk how she was being rude to my girlfriend, and I didn’t appreciate that, and asking her to treat her with more respect. Didn’t go over well. I think I got a meme as a reply that was saying “the world doesn’t revolve around you”. Yeah.

A few days later, my oldest sister and I went to my grandma’s to talk to her. Because we felt like this was just an awful situation for us and we wanted to try to get her to see that we weren’t doing anything. Anyways, I guess during this time, one of the male cousins was texting my other sister.

Essentially, he said my sister lied about a very traumatic effect that happened to her, which still effects her to this day, and that if it “really did happen, there would be a police report”.

I don’t think I’ve cried that hard in a long time. I remember breaking down and just. Yeah. We showed it to my grandma, because there’s no way this could be real? Right? And I remember I was furious. I was so fucking pissed off. I was /visibly/ shaking.

For the next, I don’t know, 2 hours, me and him went back and forth in text messages. Just hurling insults at each other. I eventually started to target his mom, my aunt, because he made a side comment about “don’t talk about my mom” and, cmon, that’s like, an invitation at that point, especially in that mindset.

Side note, a lot of those insults thrown at me are now inside jokes between my friends and I because they were just the stupidest things I’ve ever been called.

So I was insulting him, insulting my aunt, and just ready to take on the world at this point. Because, honestly, at this point I was just holding on to my anger. It wasn’t good at all. And to have something like that be said about my sister? It really brought that fire to life. And it’s the main reason why I can never really forgive them. At least him.

But that’s a whole other story on why.

So maybe a couple days later, my whole family gets a message on facebook. It’s a 6 paged message that essentially boils down to “this is what is wrong with you, you, you and you, and you guys are toxic as hell and you guys are out of our lives.

My favorite part is when I’m called a “selfish, ungrateful, self-entitled punk” and how I’m jealous and want to be like my cousin. Which is hilarious. She also mentions the traumatic experience in quotes, which pissed me off, because quotes usually indicate the idea of a falsehood that is being passed along as facts.

From there, we don’t talk. We don’t talk for a year or so.

I don’t think it was until mid to late 2017 where people started to talk to each other again. Thanksgiving and Christmas usually forced us. But we slowly started doing things together, and having family events with each other that last longer than an hour.

And now it’s 2019. And we are doing full on holidays again. Inviting each other to these things out of the blue. Acting like nothing ever happened. Back to the “old days” sort of deal.

“The healing process.”

And I just don’t know. I don’t like going to these things still. I’m still angry at everything. I’m still hurting from it all.

I’ve been wearing this fucking mask at these events all these years, reinforcing it after each use, acting like I can stand to be there, that I don’t want to get up and just run away. I’ve been fortunate enough to be able to use school as an excuse to leave events early this year. But that could only go so far.

And it’s been 5 years. And I don’t know what to do.

Except write it all down, throw it into the wind, and just try to heal I guess. Heal as much as I possibly can.

#nightwingism irl #tw violence #tw family #not nightwing related #story #that's the story #that's my life

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thoughtfulpaperback · 5 years

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Rant...on depression and toxic relationships

Ok so no one said anything or did anything in particular that made me want to rant, rather this is something that's been on my mind for a while and I sort of needed to vent especially after these last crappy 3 years.

So just a lot of background in 2017 my younger brother died in an accident. Everyone handles grief differently, I didn't handle mine at all. I arranged his funeral and picked his headstone and casket, I finished my last semester of college and got my degree, and helped start a scholarship in his memory, I became the speaker and awarder of another scholarship in his memory started by a non-profit, I started some masters classes over the summer online, got ready to move from a small rural idahoan town to Portland, Oregon, and supported my siblings as they grieved. My mom and grandparents (paternal) took it the hardest and I made sure I was there for them as much as possible.

Once I moved aand started school, while i loved the independence i had and I fell in love with the city, I struggled hard. It started off great and I was doing so well the first semester, then I was having trouble sleeping. I was staying up later and later until it got to the point were I wasnt sleeping at all. I would get the urge to pace around and do quick strides across the room and then hop back in bed. Then I lost my appetite, just wasnt hungry, then i lost my ability to tell when i was full or not. I wasnt hungry but i knew i had to eat so i would eat but just keep eating until i realized that i probably should stop after eating an entire pizza by myself or a whole Costco cheesecake (what the hell I wasnt even hungry?!?!). Then I started having anxiety problems, i would try to read for class or right a paper and my mind couldnt focus or think I couldnt write or remember the sentence I just reread four times. I'd get so angry and upset with myself that I would stay to throw up. And I couldn't stop. It got so bad that so much as looking at a book or opening my laptop would have me running to the bathroom. That's when I started isolating myself from the friend as i made there. I couldnt go out because I need to do school work (which never got done) and I would just spend the day crying in front of my laptop frustrated with myself and vomiting non stop. Then I became apathetic. I went from this organized strong focused lady who could finish college plan a funeral and make time to talk and care for her family and brother's grieving friends, to this lonely pathetic sick crybaby who didnt even want to talk on the phone with her grandma (how I saw myself at the time). I didnt want to go to class which I was loving at first. Then I actually started missing classes because I couldnt even get out of bed. But I wanted to I would spend hour in bed internally yelling at myself to get up, but it felt like the rest of me didnt want to listen and I started to hate myself for it. Then the suicidal ideations began. It was so subtle and harmless at first. I didnt want to talk to people but staying at home wasnt enough because they can come find me or call or whatever. But no one can interrupts you in the shower. So I started taking long showers. It was only once a day. Then it became twice a day. Then three. Showers turned into baths(which I hated as a until then) and pretty soon I was spending the whole day in the bathroom thinking about how much I just wanted to disappear. Just wanting to be left alone in the tub and never come out again. I didnt it think it was bad, but when I told my friend (who was seriously concerned at my avoidance of her and missing classes) she did think it was bad. I started going to a counselor and eventually started taking medication for sleep and depression (which was later switched to medication for PTSD). I finished the year and did well thanks to the support of my cohort and professors. Then my cousin died and I came back home to take care of my family. I took the year off. And in this year my aunt died, another cousin and this three sons were in a terrible accident which killed three of them and left one with permanent brain damage, and my mother left.

My mother leaving is kind of a big one because this isnt the first time. I just want to say that I love my mother and she has never physically or verbally abused me. But she is toxic as hell. She never grew up. Eloped at 18 to get out of an abusive household, had me at 19 and then my brother at 20, then my father died, she took care of us with the help of my grandparents for a while, then she took off for California with some guy and left me and my brother until her parents made her come back. Then she had my other brother. She was good for a couple of years and then had an affair and took off with some one for a couple of months, she came back. Then she had my sister, miscarried 2 times, and eventually had my baby brother (now 7). And she was mostly doing good, of course I was a co-parent, i took thier schooling and safety more seriously than my mom. If it wasnt for my grandparents, my brother and I wouldnt have had childhoods. He was my partner co-parent, but at my dads parents he was just my brother and best friend. My mom loves us but she is selfish. So I always tried to be selfless, but I also tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because she always comes back. She never apologizes or acknowledges what she had done she just comes back. It never bothered me before I just thought "well this is how she is and I mean she loves me and comes back, she isnt abusive so I cant complain".

Well she left in March and while my other brother and I had been through this and were just kind of indifferent to it. My sister was devastated and my little brother and his routine were messed up. My step dad was an angry mess and so I took care of them all and tried to be the adult (I mean I am an adult right?). I informed him of his rights and options such as divorce. He said he wanted to and I said I could help him with the papers. But I mean I figured she'd come back and i told my sister this over and over again. But honestly i was starting to become less indifferent as I watched what this was doing to her 16yr old psyche and how much it was hurting my brother especially because he didnt seem to understand what was going on.

She came back the beginning of this month after two weeks of coming back to the home to try to take her stuff, fighting with my stepdad, trying to take my little brother (not my sister which also hurt her feelings) and then stealing money from my brother.

And the thing is yall, I was ready and willing to just accept that and just do what we always do and pretend that it didnt happen even though for the first time (I was angry about it because of how much my siblings were hurting). But the thing is, my mother wont talk to me or look me in the eye. She came back and I tried to say high and give her a hug and she just avoided me. Which I was like ok fine you are in a mood let me know when that is over. Then my brother got into an accident (not fatal or serious thank God). She could have called me to let me know, to asked me to pick up the kids, to let me calmly inform them. She did not. She called my sister in a panic to tell her that my brother was in a bad accident (it wasn't) and they were looking for him and for her to find a ride home with a friend. This of course sent my sister into a panic attack she didnt know what to do or even if anyone had picked up our little brother. So she did what all of my siblings do when they are scared, in danger, or completely unaware of what they should do: She called me.

I calmed her down I told her to get on the bus and I'd stay on the phone with her. I had my grandma call the police department to see if they knew of the accident and could give information that would help me locate my brother (they couldnt) and had her call the school to see if anyone had picked up my brother (my stepdad had). I stayed on the phone with her as my grandpa drove me to the house to go get her because I didnt want her to be alone.

When I got there my mom and step dad had just arrived with my brother's (my brother had a panic attack at the wheel and went off the road into a field. No one was harmed but the policeman on duty saw it and my brother was taken to the nearest hospital because he hadn't calmed down and was having trouble breathing (he also has asthma). I get there check on him and my other siblings, we have a group hug (corny, but after losing our brother in a car accident previosly, we all were freaked and needed one). And my stepdad came up to me and thanked me for coming down to check on everyone. My mom rushed inside. I followed and she started putting pot and pans on the stove and didnt look at me. I said hi. She didn't turn around but said hey. I started to tell her what she should have my brother take for his nerves (old wives tale stuff but like in my mind it works so I am going to suggest it ok). Never looks at me. Or acknowledges what I am saying. Some I tell my stepdad. Look my siblings over one last time and head back to my grandparents house. On the way back I realize that she had no intention of calling me. She thought my brother had been in a bad accident, and she was not going to call me. I am the one who had to come tell her about my brother passing away. I left my grandparents crying and screaming (calling a bunch of people to go over there and be with them of course) to tell my mom about it before she heard it somewhere else. And she wasnt going to tell me that my brother was possibly hurt or worse. She rather let my teenage sister panic and try to find a way home by herself than to call me.

That hurt, but I was willing to let that go. I never speak ill of my mom to my siblings or to anyone in general. After everything I still couldnt because she is my mom and she came back and I know she loves me.

The she had my sister call me a couple of days ago to tell me she was dropping of my brother because he didnt have school and she was going to a job interview. Didnt tell me how long I'd be watching him (I asked and my sister said she didnt know). So I just figured I'd ask my mom when she dropped him off. I was waiting at the door for him and she practically made him tuck and role out of the car. She never got out never looked at me and my poor baby didnt have his shoes on the right feet or tied. I Had plans, canceled them because I didnt know how long he'd be staying (wasnt long). And she had my sister call (while she was in school) to tell me that she was outside when she came to pick him up. My brother was upset because he (while she was gone) became accustomed to being dropped off and left with me the whole day or weekend. So it was a fight to get his shoes on and him out the door. Again never looked me. I smiled and waved tried to get her attention. Nope. She didn't even get out of the car to open the door for him. He managed to get it just as I was about to go over and help.

I texted her happy mother's day. Nothing. I tried calling her to say it. No answer. Called my siblings to have them tell her I said it in case she didnt see the text. Nada.

I dont know what I did. What I do know is that I dont deserve to be treated this way. I never did. And that is actually super hard to admit because when we think of abusive and toxic, I wouldnt immediately think of my mother because even though she does things that hurt us, refuses to acknowledge it, expects us to take care of her and respect her time when she doesnt have any consideration for our time and property, she is my mother who loves me. She is the same mother who took us to pizza hut on Saturdays, to the pool and water park during the summer, who bought us Christmas presents, and who we have had good times with.

But she is toxic. she is emotionally manipulative and inconsiderate. I've made excuses and even blamed myself. Maybe I wasn't trying to communicated enough, maybe I made her feel unloved, maybe I am being sensitive since my history with depression and all that stuff. Maybe I am just misreading. Because it has to me, because she loves me so I must be at fault if she isnt talking to me.

But honestly, I am tired of blaming me. I am tired of being the adult in this relationship. I already have my personal issues. My future is pretty unclear as I try to decide if I want to go back to school (my grandparents are pressuring me just to get a job and stick around idaho), or if I still even want my Master's or If I want to do something else completely. Except for when I am watching TV or with my siblings and dog I am pretty much unhappy and confused all the time.

This year was supposed to be about self-care and healing. Not drama. I am just done.

I dont know what to expect into the coming year (in academic years not the year beginning in January) but I am done with self hate and I am done with toxic relationships. I probably cant take another year off without at least finding a job. But I don't think I am ready to go back to school (I miss it so much though), this break has felt more like work even with the fun tumblr convos.

Honestly thanks to the Charmed and Fallen Hero Fandoms because without y'all I dont know how I would have made it through all this. Also thank God for Hacy fanfiction because I needed good reading material in hospital waiting rooms, and in my moments alone to keep me from over contemplating on people who dont deserve it.

#depression #toxic relatives #toxic people #suicidal ideations

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aggimaginary · 5 years

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The Grinch 2: Happy New Year Capter 2-Agatha Galido

Somewhere in the big universe, the Earth is one of the planets of the Solar system, and our home planet or home world. The world of the Whos is quite different from our world, the world where we lived in. The world of the Whos is probably from other solar system or other galaxy. It's like a dimension. And in Earth, in the country called Philippines, there was a woman named Agatha Galido, a.k.a Aggie.

This human girl is born with large insect-like fairy wings and is the only human around with such wings. Ever since she was a child, she was always loved by her family and relatives, but never have good friends in school because of being so different, making her feel miserable and friendless. When she was almost old enough, her father invented an interdimensional remote control that can open portals or gateways to many different worlds in the whole universe. Using this remote, Aggie made lots of friends that are different and unique species than her. Some are also humans like her, some are animals, and some are like cartoon and animated characters from TV. Some are also super heroes and magical creatures that weren't exist in Aggie's world. When she started making friends, like when she was 10 years old, Aggie created a team, called the Imaginary team, a.k.a. the I team, that can spread love and friendship in different worlds in the universe, and showed to everyone how friendship is important to everyone and everywhere. Since Aggie made almost more than 200 friends, she created groups according to the respective worlds where her friends lived. Since there are 36 groups, she also divided the whole team into three division; Main, Honorary, and Back-up. 22 groups in Main, 10 groups in Honorary, and 4 groups in Back-up. Aggie became the leader of the whole I team, despite that her teammates themselves are her mentors. Aggie and her team became the new owners the most power elements in the universe; The Elements of Friendship. Each group owned just one element. Some group shared the same element, according to which they represented. As the leader, Aggie represented the leading element: Imagination. Because of her position, Aggie have to look out for her team, and she loved them all like a family.

When she was 21, Aggie received a family heirloom that was originally owned by a dark god of the Land of the Forgotten in Mexico, and it's called a wand staff. Aggie's family heirloom was protected and kept by five families; Galido, Borra, Resano, Mondejar and Besares. Aggie belongs to these five families, with Galido (at her father's side) and Mondejar (at her mother's side) as her major families. Even before she received a wand staff with different magical powers, Aggie already developed super and magical powers from her powerful friends by giving her half of theirs, like sharing powers. The wand staff has been a magical heirloom of the five families, required with a spell book that contained the histories of the previous owners and magical spells they have written in it.

For many years that the I team kept organizing, the team had increased their status that each group was called by their respective element to fix a friendship problem that is related to their element either in their respective world or in other worlds that they never visited just yet. So, Aggie asked her dad to make more interdimensional remote controls for her friends, but it's quite impossible since the remote needed more energy and power for the remotes. Since the team has magical wishing members, like fairy godparents, Aggie wished for a interdimensional remote control for each group, and the leader/s are in-charge to hold the remote.

Since it was so many years, Agatha Galido is now 43, got married with one of her friends from another world and her third-in-command, which is was a red bird named Red, when she was 24, got three children and one egg. Ever since she has the power to transform into any form, she was an albino bird when she got pregnant with her 4th child, and laid an egg. The egg was five days old, so it won't be hatch so soon. Today, after Christmas, Aggie was having a great resting time with her team and family in their secret I team HQ under her and her parents' house. Aggie's parents are not as old as we thought, so they are still alive. They didn't mind of their daughter taking care of her team and family under their house. Aggie and only the Main division were sitting on the meeting table that shaped like a big letter 'I'.

"Wow, that was the best Christmas party ever we had last night," Lily said.

"I know! I can't wait for another party next year," Blueberry Pie jumped up in excitement.

"That's too soon, Blueberry," Cubby chuckled.

"I thought this is called 'Hearth's Warming day'" Gemstone thought.

"Christmas, Hearth's Warming, they're the same," Poof corrected.

"Everyone's always excited for Christmas, including us," Jet added.

"It's a good thing you two didn't ruin Christmas again this year," Saltor scoffed.

"Because Jet and I learned a lesson that we should respect our holiday; Halloween," Jack Skellington stated proudly.

"Well, at least you survived. I almost cried when I thought you two were dead!" Aggie cried out loid.

"You're 13 that time. You always cry," Sally Skellington reminded.

"Thank you for reminding me," Aggie replied sarcastically.

"It's quite shame that Mom, Dad, Phineaks and Israbellra didn't spend Christmas with us," Marie Flynn said.

"Yeah, neither do Uncle Flerk and Ferb," Maren Flynnto added.

"Yeah, well, your parents had to go to back to your world and to Switzerland for the award ceremony next week," Aggie explained. "And even Ferb and Flerk are still in Camp David. Those guys are very busy. At least Vanessa, Varessa, Thomas and Themas attended."

Marie sighed dreamingly, "Yeah, Thomas is so sweet."

Frantis almost barfed in disgust, "Uh, you do know you guys are cousins, right?"

"Umm, their fathers are stepbrothers. So, their not related," Tootie corrected.

"I just still don't get why Basil wasn't in a mood to celebrate Christmas," Jerry said. "Sure, he attended, but he doesn't seem to have fun with us."

"You already know detectives, like Sherlock Holmes, Basil was not in a mood for Christmas joy. He's always been like that for years," Pilair replied.

"So, any plans for New Year? We only have five days left," Skenda asked.

"We can have colorful fireworks," Roo suggested.

"Fireworks can be nice, but no fountain, no firecracker, no harmful firework stuff. They might blow your fingers," Leia warned.

"She's right. We don't want to have fireworks incident in the team, just like what happened to Aggie's neighbors last year," Chet agreed.

"Yeah, lots of fingers blew up last year," Smantha added.

"We can use my Pixie dust Snow ball Firework Shower spell. That's safe," Aggie lifted her wand staff.

"How about the candles? You know, the sparking ones and colorful flame ones." Fred Figglehorn inquired.

"As long as they don't explode," Azul was concerned.

"But, where can we celebrate?" Lola questioned.

"Grandpa Leo and Grandma Bernadette invited us upstairs," Amaranth Red raised her hand. "The backyard is so wide, so there's enough space for all of us to watch the fireworks in New Year's Eve."

"Close enough. We didn't celebrate New Year with Mr. and Mrs. Galido for a while," Blossom nodded.

"Okay, so we already know where we will celebrate and what stuff we will use, any more ideas?" Baby Bugs asked as he listed in the what-to-do list about New Year plans.

"How about a song for New Year?" Chyna got up from her chair, and then, pointed Aggie, "And Aggie will sing!"

"What? Why me?" Aggie asked.

"Come on, Aggie, you haven't sing a song every New Year for years. You only counted on us. It's your turn," Miley explained.

Aggie sighed, "Fine. I'll try my best. I'll just find a perfect song."

"Great! All we have to do is to invite the Honorary and Back-up divisions here for the New Year," Perry said.

Just then, Crimson Red noticed his mother's element on her I team ID began to glow.

"Mom! Your element! It's glowing!" He pointed out loud.

The whole Main I team heard the half-bird as Aggie looked down at her ID where she saw her element glowing and blinking.

"Sweet Celestia, Aggie!" Rarity gasped. "You were called. This means there is a friendship problem!"

"How come there could be friendship problem after Christmas and before New Year?!" Red growled.

"Everyone has problems all the time, Red. Including you before you became a hero," Stella recalled.

"Yeah. Thanks for telling me that, sis," The red angry bird rolled his eyes.

"Kowalski, Kelda, activate the map!" Skipper commanded.

The tall penguin and his adoptive guardian or wife saluted as they pushed two buttons together, and the table showed the hologram of the Earth.

"Alright then, where the friendship problem could be in my world?" Aggie looked up at the Earth hologram.

"Let's see here," Kowalski swiped the hologram of the Earth to rotate it and find a friendship problem, "So, there's no friendship problem in your world, Aggie."

"How about all of our worlds?" Captain Jake inquired.

When Dr. Blowhole and Dr. Blest typed something on the keyboards, the hologram showed a live footage of every world that the I team lived.

"Okay. The New York City and Central Park Zoo is okay. No friendship problem," said the reformed villain dolphin.

"Not even in Halloween town," Samuel checked on the footage of his and his family's home world or home town.

"The Hundred Acre woods is always peaceful," Rabbit said.

"Fairy world and Dimmsdale is fine," Timmy added.

"No monsters, crime or even quarreling happened in Townsville," Bubbles said about her world.

"Bird Island is still peaceful and happy community," Hal told them.

"Webster High and Z-tech is still good," Fletcher looked at the footage of his and his two friends' old and current schools.

"Our world is okay," Tom announced.

"So was ours, and Kat and Kit's home planet," Coop gritted his teeth, not wanting to mention his former enemy's home planet.

"Our world seems good too," Oggy said.

"So was Danville, O.W.C.A., and other countries," Pelry concluded.

"Including the 2nd dimension," Dofelia added.

"Pixie Hollow and the Winter Woods are still balance," Tinker Bell stated.

"Neverland is still clean," Skully scanned the footage of Neverland.

"Acme Acres in the future has no trouble," Petunia announced.

"Not even at our home," Baby Petunia added.

"Hollywood is still shining," Oliver made a thumb-up.

"My home town is also good," Fred Figglehorn nodded.

"No Devinos attacking in our town," Serio pointed.

"The Do-Jo and our world weren't affected by the master," Yin said.

Her brother, Yang, cleared his throat, "Umm, it's because there's no night master anymore, remember?"

"Shut up," the pink rabbit was annoyed by the blue one.

"Everything's fine all of the planets we visited years ago," Han mentioned.

"Starlight City has no trouble at all," Skidmark said.

"Equestria is also good," Twilight looked at the footage of Equestria.

"Did you guys check the worlds of the Honorary and the Back-up?" Aggie asked.

"Yeah, the chickens, the Kids Next Door, the herd of sheep, Pasadena, Transylvania, Zootopia, Mousedom, the garden gnomes in their world, Stork Mountain, and cars world are all okay and safe. No friendship problem at all," Clover Scarlet answered her mother.

"The Danger HQ, Smurf Village, the Lands of the Remembered and Forgotten, and the ocean where Marlin, Nemo and Dory lived are in peace too," Roy added.

"If none of our worlds have any friendship problems, then we have to search the whole universe," Aggie suggested as the whole team nodded in agreement.

When the hologram map extended, showing the hologram of the whole universe, there was blinking white light on another galaxy, just beside Aggie's home galaxy.

"There it is!" She pointed.

The hologram zoomed on the blinking white light, and showed a town with lots of houses.

"Wow, that's a pretty cool town," Bubs commented.

"And snowy!" Crimson Red exclaimed, then frowned that there's no snow in the Philippines, "Lucky!"

"Oh well, I think I have to go dimension travel again," Aggie stretched her hands and arms.

"You mean, right now?" Piglet inquired, "But what about the plans and New Year?"

"I'm sorry, Piglet, but this is very important." Aggie apologized. "But this is very important."

"Are you not going to celebrate New Year with us, Aunt Mom?" Rebecca made a sad face.

"Of course I'm going to celebrate with all of you guys. Don't worry. When I'm done with the friendship problem, I'll be home in no time."

"That's right, Rebecca," Ruby patted her daughter's head. "Your step-mom is going to spend New year with all of us. She does this every year."

"Thanks, Rubs. Now, I have to bring my wand staff and my interdimensional remote control." Before Aggie gathered her things, she was interrupted for a moment.

"Just a moment, sis," Joseline halted her, "It's snowy in that world and the town. You need to wear your winter clothes."

"Don't worry, I got this," With a smirk on her face, Aggie wore a gray jacket and warm gloves to prepare herself before going to that world where she was called.

"Is that all you have to wear?" Lumpy asked.

"It was never snow here in the Philippines, so this is all I've got. Don't worry. I'll warm myself when I get there." When Aggie opened the portal with her remote, she turned her wand staff into a sled.

"Since when Xibalba taught you how to turn your wand staff into a sled?" Periwinkle inquired suspiciously.

"He didn't. I made the spell myself. Hey, I'm the owner of the wand staff now, so it's my turn to create my own spell," Aggie explained to her wing sister, "Oh, that reminds me…" She grabbed a backpack, then her big spell book, and put it inside of her bag. "Can't use my wand staff without a little guidance from the spell book!"

"Are you sure you have to do this?" Red looked at his human wife in concern and worry.

"I have to, Red," Aggie answered with a sigh. "It's my duty."

Her bird husband exhaled in defeat. Red truly respected Aggie's duty. Then, he pecked her on the lips, "Just be careful out there."

"I will. Thanks," Aggie kissed him back and waved at her team and family, "Bye guys!"

"See you soon, Aggie." Bomb waved.

"Bye, Mom. I love you!" Amaranth Red did a flying kiss gesture.

"Be safe," Wands added.

Aggie waved one last time before she stepped into the portal until her body disappeared as the portal closed.

When the whole Main I team was left behind, they still felt sad for their leader and best friend that a friendship problem called her just before New Year.

"Man, this is a rough New Year for Aggie," Matilda said.

"I know. I feel bad for her, too," Screwball added, worried for her adoptive aunt.

#Crossover(s)#original character #fan-made #fanfic #the grinch 2018 #Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas #Dr Suess' The Grinch #The Grinch #Deuteragonist #My little pony reference #Star vs the forces of evil reference

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capricxs · 5 years

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i do not want, but crave the k askjfsjask

idk but it’s some type of k

james always waits until they’re all passed out to begin opening. it’s all chaos, though. everyone opens and once and he watches laney open her’s. he’s leaning in close to see the paper pull back to show a box of chocolates. she coos and looks up to his mom and gives her a polite, and warm thank you. she nods back, as if it was her pleasure to give laney such a gift. he knows she just didn’t want laney to be left out.

“if you forget to take those home i will eat them.” he leans in to whisper to her. “i’m just letting you know now.”

she scoffs, hitting his chest. “no way, i’m not forgetting these. i’m eating them when i get home.”

“you know what’s a fool proof way of not forgetting them tonight?” he grins.

“what?” she looks up at him.

his fingers finger the back of her neck, rubbing over the chain resting against her skin. “you stay here.”

she looks around, her cheeks getting a bit pink. “your parents are staying though, right?”

he shakes his head. “my dad gifted my mom with a hotel night stay in the city. they’re leaving after dessert.”

laney can’t help but let a small smile slip from her lips as she looks down form the box. “yeah, sure. you could probably use some help cleaning anyways.”

“yeah, that’s a good reason.” he grins.

“romeo! open you presents.” susan shouts at him and he rolls his eyes, his cheeks turning pink.

so he does. he thanks his grandparents for the book, and his parents for the sweater which he will probably wear soon. he gets the gift of an old fergie album from don, which he says is the greatest gift of all. he doesn’t own a fucking cd player and he’ll never touch it but jokes on don because he loves fergie.

he hears laney laugh with the rest of the family during jokes, and the watch the kids open their presents and jump with excitement when they see the new toys they got from their uncle, or their grandparents, or when they get a book from great grandma and grandpa, which makes james smile. as they watch, he can’t stop running his thumb over the chain on the back of her neck. it feels good, knowing it’s there. knowing he’s hanging on her neck like that. he catches her rub the pendant between her fingers at one point. when she notices he’s watching her, her cheeks turn pink and she puts her hand back down. he couldn’t keep his grin hidden no matter how hard he bit down on his lip.

maybe he was right in his comment. maybe waiting is dumb. because really, when will things be better? sure, he was right in saying no to laney that first time, but it’s been over a year now and no one makes him feel stronger than laney, so why shouldn’t he be making this happen? his mom got his hesitance but she also said that she trusted him. and his biggest fear? the possibility that someone gets hurt so bad that someone relapses? well isn’t that just as much a possibility now?

“thank you, uncle jamie!” glenn, who is only a year younger than sam, rushes up to him and he has to pull his arm away from laney, so he can hug him back when his small arms wrap around him.

“you’re very welcome, kid.” he grins, patting his back when his pulls away. once he rushes back to take a look at his new toy, james rests his back against the couch, but he holds himself back from touching her, feeling like he was caught in the act.

it was long after presents that the youngest kids were getting cranky. a couple of his cousins has to leave, so james made sure to send them home with some pie as they did. he left laney in the living room to fend for herself, where he had a feeling his family just might eat her alive. he was right, because when he peaked around the corner to see what was happening, his cousin mary was sitting right next to her, looking at the necklace on her and grinning wide. he went back into the kitchen before his face got too red and he finished packing up dessert and handed them to his cousins as the pulled him in, telling him how much they loved him and how proud they were. he smiles, saying the same back to them, and he starts dishing up the rest, the room just a big more quiet with a few people gone.

they all sat in his living room, eating their dessert and talking even more.

“james.” laney says quietly, and he tilts his head to look at her, chewing his pie. “here.” she swipes her finger across the edge of his lips, then pulling her finger to her mouth to lick off the sugar, “you’re good now.” she smiles, and he swears her might just tackle her now.

“i’ve never been so excited to clean with you.” he says, still holding her gaze, but mostly looking at her lips.

she bites her lips, and nods. “yeah, me too.”

he finally looks away from her, jumping into a conversation with one of his uncles and cousins. it’s all banter and he even hears laney chime in, which makes him smile. he hopes she feels a bit more comfortable here. he wants nothing more than for his family to become a part of her life.

eventually, family starts to trickle out. some have to go to other sides of the family, his autn is taking grandma and grandpa home so her family leaves with all of them collectively. his parents have their bags packed and are ready to head to their special night away. they come up to james as they’re at the door, his mom giving laney a hug and telling her it was so nice to meet her, and she hopes to see her again soon. james walks them to the door, giving them tight hugs and exchanging i love you’s and we’re so proud of you. james just tells them to send him pictures of the hotel and not to have too much fun. it makes his dad laugh and he makes some sort of innuendo that james pretends he didn’t hear.

when he comes back he finds laney talking to one of the little ones, looking at the toy she’d gotten for christmas, and laney trying to help open it from it’s intense packaging. he smiles, leaning against one of the walls and just taking in how good she looks in the picture. she looks like she’s meant to be here.

“hey, man, we’re heading out.” don says, clasping a hand onto his partner, ken’s back. “we’re having a thing in a couple weeks, you two should come.”

“what’s a thing?” james says carefully, eyeing the both of them. don is only a couple years older than james, but ken and don have been together since they met in college. ken’s family isn’t too keen on the relationship, so he comes to most family gatherings.

“well i’d say it’s a fancy party but i’m sure it’s got nothing on your fancy parties.” ken lets out a sigh. “oh how i would dream to party with decaprio.”

“i never—-”

“don’t say it, james. in my mind you partied with him and i want to keep it that way.”

james purses his lips and nods. “so i don’t need to break out my tux kind of fancy.”

“no.” don shakes his head. “you look like a fine dining party no matter where you’re going to i’m not worried about you. there’s just going to be some food and drinks— we’ll make sure we’ve got stuff for you guys, we found some really great soda when we traveled out to the midwest, so we like… bought cases of them and took it back.”

“what are we celebrating?” james raises an eyebrow.

the two look at each other and press their lips together. james squints but it only takes a few moments before his eyes widen. “oh shit—!”

“shh, keep your fucking mouth shut.” don steps forward. “we didn’t want to make christmas about us, so we’re telling everyone later.”

“why didn’t you tell me, you assholes.” james hits don in the chest.

“he literally popped the question two days ago, i knew you were going to be neck deep in this, i thought i’d say it now. we’re going to have everyone over later.”

ken pokes out a finger. “if you tell darlene i’ll personally come here and kill you.”

james’ mouth hangs open. “you want me to not tell my own mother?”

“not your secret to tell.” don shakes his head.

james visibly pouts and stomps his foot a little. “fine. but i’m telling laney.”

“well she’s invited too, so i hope you would. it’d be a very big surprise to come to find out she’s going to an engagement party.”

james sighs, his lips curling into a smile. he pulls the two of them into a hug, holding them tightly. “i’m so happy for you guys. i love weddings so much.” he whispers.

they hug him back and ken lets out a laugh. “good, we’re getting married just for you.”

“i know.” he says muffled. he pulls away, patting their shoulders. “well i’ll let you tow go. you probably have lots of planning to do. if you need to borrow anything i… really went out for decorations and i’m happy to share.”

“well keep it in mind, thanks. take care, man.” they part their ways and james shuts the door behind them. susan and morris and their kids are the only ones left at that point. laney sits on the floor with kara as they play with her new toy. he strolls back in, sitting on the couch to watch them all wind down.

“jesus christ— fuck!” laney calls out from the kitchen and james stops the vaccum in the livingroom, resting it beside the garbage bags of wrapping paper and toy packaging. he runs into the kitchen, looking and laney staring at her top. “i got ham juice on it!” she pouts.

“take it off now, we’ll get it soaking.” he holds out his hand. she stares at him for a moment, blinking at the request. “time is of the essence, laney, the faster we get it soaking the quicker it comes out. take one of my shirts in the room.” she stares at him for another few moments. he sighs, putting his hand over his eyes. “there.” he feels ehr shirt rest in his hand and her footsteps lead to the bedroom, where the door clicks shut and he moves to his laundry closet where he grabs the stain remover and moves to the bathroom, turning on the water and filling the sink so he can pour the stain remover on the shirt and let it soak, hopefully taking care of it.

“are you alright, though, laney?” he comes out of the bathroom, knocking on the door.

“yeah i’m okay.” she says.

he presses his hand to the doorknob, and he feels out the silence. “may i come in?”

“uhm…” she pauses. “yeah, sure.”

he twists the knob and enters the bedroom, seeing her standing there, one of his white tees hanging off of her frame. she’s holding something in her hands, looking down at a frame. he comes to stand beside her, looking at the picture. “ah, for graduation, all brady wanted was to go to disney land. i don’t know why, but he was really excited about it.” next to him stands brady, with the classic mickey mouse hat, and balloon. the eighteen year old beams, and james stands next to him with some sweet treat and a dimply smile. his parents hold them tightly, beaming with the kind of proud parent glow. “he had such a good time. i think he just wanted to be a kid for a day before he had to go off and be an adult for the rest of his life.” he smiles faintly. “he really committed to that. somewhere i have a picture of him with goofy and donald.”

laney laughs, and then it fades off. “i would have loved to meet him.”

“he would have loved to meet you, too. he probably would have swept you off your feet and you would have left me for him.” he laughs. “he was much more charming than me.”

“not possible.” laney shakes her head.

“oh, it’s very possible. he was so cool. like the coolest guy in school. like he was charming and flirty and had just a pinch of asshole that made him exciting like brady was the guy.” james takes the picture from her hands to look at it. “he was a fun person, and a really good brother.” he presses his lips to the side. he feels laney’s hand reach up to his shoulder, her face pressing into his arm.

“he’s be proud of you.” she says.

“i know.” james nods. he would have disappointed brady, too. but he knows where he stands now, brady would be proud. he sets the picture down, turning to face laney. “i means a lot to me that you came today. i know christmas isn’t at all your thing.”

“i had a really good time.” she grins. “it means a lot you wanted me here.”

“of course i did.” he reaches up, brushing away her hair.

“i should finish the dishes, huh.” she says. “i tried to pick a shirt that mattered the least, i hope this one is okay, in case i get more ham juice on it.”

“well i would say it doesn’t matter, but it looks so good on you it just might.” he smirks, reaching to tug at the hem of the fabric. “you should wear my stuff more.”

she hums, pulling away from his grasp to leave the room, going back into the kitchen. he watches her move, feeling the confidence in her wake and he knows it’s going to be a tough night.

cleaning was a breeze. they put on some music and both their voices filled the apartment as they sung along. finally james joined her in the kitchen where he put dishes away and she started a second load into the dishwasher. it was nice, simple. he put his hands on her waist whenever he moved past her. then there was the one moment where one his older song came on and he took laney by the waist, swaying her around to the music, holding her hand tight and dipping her back and feeding off of her giggles.

he was back to radiating. standing there in the kitchen alongside her as their hands got clammy from washing all the dishes, their mouths hurting from laughing and smiling so much. the apartment was back to being clean and he offered if she wanted to watch a movie, eating the rest of the leftover dessert. she agreed, so he got himself changed out of his christmas clothes and into something comfier, taking the paper plates into the living room, putting on some garbage christmas movie on netflix. sitting down beside her, he sets the plate in her lap and it’s not long before her body leans into his.

“this movies sucks.” she says after about twenty minutes.

“took you that long to notice, huh?” he’s setting their paper plates on the coffee table, pulling his feet back.

“i’m not very entertained.” she says.

“me either.” his fingers reach forward to rub the back of her neck, feeling over the chain.

“james,” laney starts.

“yes, laney?” he smirks, looking at her. she’s got her eyes forward on the screen. he can feel her a bit tense under his touch, but he waits.

“waiting is dumb.” she says.

“i agree.” he reaches to cup the back of her neck and in unison, their heads turn completely and she’s grabbing fists of his shirt, their mouths finally meeting. it’s open and hot and needy. she’s warm, he lips are soft and full and he doesn’t stop. he’s not going to pull away. he keeps kissing her. keeps kissing her until she feels her tongue tease against his and he’s getting up from the couch so he can crawl over her.

everything. all of it. it’s been a year of so much back and forth and all this teasing and standing on the edge and lustful dreams and romantic fantasies and all of it comes down to this. he’s pushing her back against the couch, reaching behind her to free her hair from the tie, letting it spill around her as he kissing her more. he’s biting her lip, holding her tightly, letting his hand run over every part of her. he feels her breast over her shirt and the moan he earns only has him kissing her more. he’s kissing her deeper, faster, more urgently. it’s an overwhelming feeling of wanting everything all at once, and so much of it.

she’s got her fingers tangled in his hair and nothing’s felt better than when she whispers his name, half out of breath. he sees her with her eyes half open and her cheeks flushed, lips puffy. he keeps going back for more. their kisses keep meeting halfway and they’re both desperate for it. clawing at each other to get closer, for more intimacy. he’s reaching under her shirt to feel her shirt, feeling her tones stomach, feeling the underwire of her bra. before he can make any moves, she’s tugging and he leans back to pull away at his shirt, his skin and all his tattoos exposed her in a different context. he stays there for a moment, looking down at her, out of breath, hair in a halo around her glowing face. her shirt tugged at and disheveled. but she’s smiling. her finger tips reaching up to his stomach. “you’re so beautiful.” she says softly, less as a discovery but the way you say about your favorite art piece.

he sighs, leaning back down to take her face in his hands and kiss her again. her back arches, pressing into his. he’s already half hard, and wonders if she can feel it through her jeans. “laney,” he purrs. his hands move to push her shirt over her chest, until she leans up a bit to throw it off completely. her skin is so smooth and delicate and he watches her chest raise and fall quickly. he lowers himself, pressing kisses to her neck, biting gently in places. her fingers go back to his hair, pulling just a bit the moment he sinks his teeth into her skin. but then he’s further down and reaches her breasts, where he kisses and nips along the hem of her bra. she huffs, feeling his hand reach up to feel her other breast. she’s leaning up again, reaching behind her to undo the clasp and shrug off the material. he thought he was hasty to touch her, but she was just as hasty to feel him.

his lips, his tongue, his teeth. every bit of him feels her. he listened to her sounds and reactions and did what she likes, and avoided what she didn’t. he melted the way she said his name through her moans. she begged for more. he wanted nothing more than to give it to her. he slides further down his hands running over high thighs, still covered by her pants. his eyes look up at laney, and she’s still breathing thick, her fingers brushing back his curls and she nods. without another thought, he’s unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them away from her feet, throwing them on the ground and kissing his way up her thighs, nipping at the soft skin inside and listening to her whimper and beg. he can feel her heat, and how wet she is through her panties. he wishes he could keep teasing for longer; drag it out over the rest of the night, but james wanted to know what she sounded like when he makes her cum.

#mazerp #* otp: james & laney.#part two comin hot n fast

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