#But part of making it grow strong includes leaving it time to rest

[drumlincountry]

i'm going thru a lot of growth and transformation at the moment (maybe) but unfortunately i can only really express it thru agricultural and ecological metaphors

[goldenwilliamson]

strangers | leah williamson

pairing: leah williamson x reader

a/n: longest fic yet. enjoy pls, i kind of love this. slight warning it does touch on the grief that one feels after a big breakup including (briefly) the awful physical symptoms of breakups. if that's sensitive for you i wish the best and advise that this might not be the fic for you x

summary: reader and leah are together for years before breaking up due to long distance. after a couple of years reader moves back to england and sees leah, and all the love comes flooding back. angsty, but fluffy.

word count: 3.3k

Your life changed when you were eighteen, not only because you signed for Arsenal, but you were in love for the first time in your life. From your early encounters with Leah, you could already feel yourself falling for her. You found her endlessly endearing, drawn in by her quiet confidence and warmth off the pitch, and her fiery commitment to every game she played.

Even though you were too scared to confess your feelings to anyone, you somehow found yourself one evening telling Leah how much you adored her. You told her about how you had felt a connection with her since the first time you met, and how it had only proved itself since then. And she reciprocated every single word of your rambling romantic confession.

From that night, you two were together for almost six years. For the most part, it was the best time of your life. You were playing at your dream club, with the perfect girlfriend, and you were happier than ever. Things always ran smoothly for you and Leah, it was just the way your personalities complimented each other. Conflict resolution came easy to you both, and you were able to talk to each other through anything that was troubling you.

For years it felt like you two were growing at the same pace, and that was why you were able to be together for so long. You both had the same visions for your future, and you had really planned on staying in London with Leah by your side for the rest of your life.

But that was all before you got the offer from Bayern Munich. You never imagined being away from Leah, and maybe you were naive in thinking long-distance would be easy for you guys. So you made the difficult decision to leave Arsenal, to leave London and Leah, and move to Germany.

After your move it became clear very quickly that proximity was important for you both. When your were living several countries away from each other, your connection which you thought was strong enough to withstand the world ending had started to be put to the test. You were talking and understanding each other less, and fighting more about stupid, trivial things. You saw a new, jealous side of Leah who would accuse you of spending too much time with new teammates, and not making time for her anymore. And you yourself were questioning Leah's attraction for you, as you couldn't feel that daily love and affection you'd been so accustomed to through the phone.

It all got to the point where you were struggling to even get yourself to training because you felt so drained by your inability to make things work with Leah. Your teammates at Bayern had noticed and had created a space where you felt safe enough to confide in them. After talking it through with some of your teammates who provided you with their objective opinions on the situation, you made the hardest choice of your life.

Leah's voiced was raised to the point where her it was almost breaking, "Six years Y/N, does all that mean nothing to you?"

"Leah, I will always love you. I just don't think as long as I'm in Germany we can be together. It's not good for us darling, we've been fighting more than ever, and I don't want to feel this resentment towards you... I don't want you to feel badly about me either," you had tried to explain, but it had come out much less clearly through your own tearful voice, punctuated with short breaths as you gasped for air.

"You can't do this Y/N. You can't give up on us," Leah had begged you, but you had remained firm in your decision and it was the last proper conversation the two of you had. Other than a couple of Champions League games where you avoided each other, and one brief trip back to London where you collected all your things from the apartment you shared, you hadn't seen Leah since.

The breakup was something you'd tried to forget, and even though it's been two years since then, you still often question whether or not you made the right decision that day. What stuck with you was the empty aching you felt every time a thought of her passed through your head. In spite of your best attempts to put it behind you and to move on, you will never forget how much love you felt for Leah, and how much grief and sadness you felt the instant you ended things.

Every week that has passed since then you have wondered what your life would be like if you and Leah had made the long-distance thing work. But now you were thinking about it even more because after a few seasons at Bayern, you were going back to play in the WSL.

When Man City approached you, your first instinct was that you absolutely could not go back to England. Because to you, England was Leah. Every memory of your time in England from when you moved at 18, to when you left at 23, is connected to Leah. As much as you loved your time in the country, you never thought you could go and live there again without her by your side. It just wouldn't feel right. However, after several meetings with your manager and calls with City, it became an offer you couldn't turn down.

At least you weren't going back to London, you thought. The distance between the capital and Manchester was just enough to feel like Leah wasn't completely within reach. Of course, it had been different once you were actually living back in England, playing with City, and having to face the reality that you and Leah would be on the same pitch again, but this time as virtual strangers.

You'd heard through the grapevine that over the last couple of years Leah had done her fair share of dating around, but you also were aware that she hadn't been in any serious relationship since you two broke up, and it was the same on your end. How were you supposed to move on when you still thought about your ex every day?

One night you were cooking dinner at your flat for yourself and Georgia Stanway, who had become a close friend of yours since her arrival at Bayern. You two had hung out a bit when you and Leah were still together, but even though Leah was one of Georgia's closest friends, she had never uttered her name around you or asked you anything about your relationship since she transfered to the German club. Not until you two were talking about how you felt about moving back to England and what it would be like playing for City, and you mentioned it first.

"It feels kind of wrong," you said honestly, "I still can't imagine not being an Arsenal player. And you know, being there without Leah."

Georgia looked at you sympathetically, "Do you miss her? I can't imagine how hard all that was for you both."

"I miss her every day, Georgia," you sighed, smiling just to ease the pain, "But I just have to keep telling myself it was the right decision, otherwise I think I'd just live in misery."

She gave you a hopeful smile, "I hope you two can work it out one day, even just as friends. I've never seen two people make each other so happy."

"Yeah I hope so too," you agreed, though the voice in your head told you that you could never make up with Leah after the way you ended things.

You had finally moved back to England after a tearful goodbye to your teammates at Bayern, but you knew it was for the best. Your first week in Manchester you were reminded of how much you loved living in England, mostly because of how different it was from where you grew up. Stepping outside always felt like stepping onto a film set. It was nice too, to catch up with old friends. It was already so much easier to organise trips into London to visit old teammates.

It was on a weekend that you were down in London, when you saw Leah for the first time. You should have known better, walking around St Albans, expecting that you wouldn't see anyone you knew. It wasn't a big enough city to get away with that.

It was still August and the League hadn't started yet, so you were free to make a trip down to London for the weekend to visit Caitlin and Katie, friends you had missed so much while you were living in Germany. You missed everything about Arsenal, but you knew there was no way you could go back there after the way things ended with Leah. It would be much too painful to even try to be friends after everything. There was too much history there that would have been impossible to set aside.

In the morning you had told Katie and Caitlin you would walk into town and buy some bread since they were out, and it was on your way home that you found yourself looking into the face of the person who you once loved more than anyone. It took a moment to register that she was actually there, getting closer as you kept walking.

"Oh my god," you said out loud, finding it extremely jarring to see her after all this time.

You both slowed to a stop in front of each other and Leah, who had always been the more talkative one, was left speechless. Looking at you her heart was both beating for you and breaking all over again.

After a few beats of silence you shook yourself out of your state of shock, "Hi, how are you?", you said.

"I feel like I'm dreaming," Leah said, finally smiling a little as she also moved away from the initial shock of seeing you again. The sound of her voice and the smile on her face brought you instant comfort. She looked different, in the best way. She looked older, which surprised you since she always had such a baby face. But now she looked mature, she looked her age, somehow so different from the 24 year old version of her you last knew.

"Me too," you agreed, laughing slightly at how awkward you were finding this to be. You'd imagined this moment endlessly over the last couple of years, but now that it was really happening you were at a loss.

"What are you doing here?" Leah shook her head, trying to make sense of seeing you.

"I'm staying with Katie and Caitlin for a couple of days," you explained.

"Oh, they didn't mention anything," Leah said, though she knows that people avoid talking about you around her. They know it's still painful for her to hear your name. Just like how Georgia never mentioned her around you.

You realised then that your transfer hadn't been announced yet by the City, and that Leah must know nothing of the news.

"You probably haven't heard, but I've actually moved back here," you say tentatively, knowing that the only reason you two weren't together was because you were living apart. But now you were closer than you had been in two years, and you had no clue what that meant, or if it had the power to change anything.

"What, to London?" Leah said quickly, her voice raising an octave in shock.

"No, I'm up North now. I've actually signed for City," you explain.

"Wow," she says, nodding her head and processing the news. The way she is looking at you doesn't give much away. Her face actually looks quite blank, as if she doesn't know at all how to feel about this.

"Yeah," you say quietly.

"Sky blue will suit you," she says simply and you smile, grateful for the playful comment.

"I don't know, I'm still struggling with the fact I'm not going to be back in red," you say, more meaning held in those words than you intended. Because not being back in red also for you meant not being back with Leah.

"I expected you to stay in Germany for a lot longer," Leah says and the feelings of guilt rush in. You'd thought about this a lot when you decided to come back to England.

The main reason you had called it quits with Leah was because you thought Germany was going to be your home for at least another five years. You couldn't do that many more years of distance, of short phone calls, of fighting and miscommunication. But of course you never thought after just a couple of years you would be coming back to England. And if you had, you might have been able to stick things out with Leah.

"I really did too," you say sincerely, hoping that she knows you wouldn't have done what you did if you knew you'd be back so soon.

Leah runs her hand roughly through her hair, and you can almost see the cogs turning in her head through the look in her eyes.

"This changes things then, doesn't it?" She asks, voicing the thoughts floating around both your minds.

"I suppose it does," you nod imperceptibly, afraid to admit it.

You stand in silence now, looking at each other trying to work out exactly what this changes.

"I miss you so much," Leah says, her voice thin and wavering.

"I know. I've felt sick without you," you say, voicing things you'd never voiced to anyone. You have genuinely experienced the most physical forms of grief for Leah. The first few months after the breakup you were nauseous everyday, throwing up even when your stomach was completely empty. It just felt impossible to go on without her.

Leah just nods, having been through the exact same things.

"I'm so sorry," you say finally taking the opportunity to apologise for the thing that you've felt so much guilt and remorse about.

"It's okay," Leah assures you, but you shake your head instantly.

"It's not, I don't know what I was thinking Leah," you say honestly, feeling the emotions all over again. Your eyes well up and Leah is quick to embrace you, allowing you to let it out in her arms.

"You were right about everything but," she says, "Things weren't working."

"Yeah, but I should've tried to work through it," you voice the things you'd been thinking over for the last two years, trying to compose yourself with deep breaths.

"I wasn't making it easy for you, I was so hard on you. I feel really bad about the way I treated you when you left," Leah reflects on her own behaviour.

"It's okay," you tell her now.

You stand in the middle of the footpath in St Albans, holding each other, both unable to believe that this was real.

"You don't absolutely hate me do you? Because I'd understand if you did," you say, stepping back to look at Leah, trying to ease some of the tension.

She laughs, "I tried hating you," she says, "But that lasted about a minute and then I just went on trying to love you less."

"And how did that go?" You ask hopefully.

"Yeah not very good," she says.

"I couldn't really get the hang of not loving you either," you say.

Leah is smiling, but you can see the reservation in her eyes. She knows that everything has suddenly changed, but still, nothing is the same as it once was. You feel it too.

"What do we do now?" She asks.

You shrug your shoulders, "I've got to deliver this bread back to Katie and Caitlin, do you want to come?"

"I'll come," she nods, "But what happens after that?" Leah says.

"After that," you sigh, "We are about two years overdue in catching up on each others lives, so I'd say we'll have a nice long chat."

You are stepping forward now, beginning the journey back to Katie and Caitlin's, and Leah is by your side.

"Best start now then," Leah says, and the two of you fall deep into conversation immediately. It warms you heart how at home you feel, even after all this time.

When you knock on the door back at the girls flat, Katie answers with a look of absolute shock on her face.

"What are you doin here!?" She looks right at Leah, as if she was an intruder.

"Well I bumped into this one in town and she invited me over, is that alright?" Leah explains.

Katie takes a moment to process the words before nodding and stepping back to let you both inside.

"Oh my god, what are you doing here?" Caitlin echoes when you all walk into the living room together.

"We've just bumped into each other," you say, "I thought I'd drop off the bread before Leah and I go and catch up."

"Cool, cool," Caitlin says, trying to mask her shock while Katie looks on, stunned into a very uncharacteristic silence.

"God, you two look like you've seen a ghost," Leah says.

"I feel like I have!" Katie stresses, and you feel the exact same way.

"Alright, let's go down the park," you suggest to Leah, a place where you two used to walk around in circles, chatting for hours. It seems like the perfect place to go.

"Perfect," she nods, "Bye you two," she looks between her teammates.

"See ya, have fun," Caitlin says.

"Don't kill each other," Katie says and you scoff.

"We won't," you roll your eyes.

You and Leah step out the front door you share a moment of laughter about the interaction.

"Did I hide my shock better than those two when I saw you?" You ask.

"Absolutely not, I believe your words were oh my god," Leah laughs.

You two end up at the park, walking around at first, talking about how you are going to be playing for City now and your time at Bayern. Leah gives you the big run down on what's been happening at Arsenal since you've left, telling you about all the new players. It's like seeing an old friend, and you're just so glad that she hasn't spent two years hating you.

After what must be over an hour, you two sit at a bench. Same one you would always find together on your morning walks.

It's weird being so physically close to her again. You want to reach out and hold her forever, but you think it might be too soon. Leah feels the same though and she shows it in the way her hand reaches out to find yours.

"Can I be honest with you?" She asks.

"Of course you can," you say with a squeeze of her hand.

"I haven't felt this..." she pauses trying to find the word, "Happy? Peaceful? I don't think there is a right word to tell you how right this feels to be with you again," she says, healing all the cracks in your broken heart.

"It feels the same as I remember it feeling," you say in agreement, "Like this is just how it's supposed to be."

"Would it be absolutely crazy of us to try to pick up where we left off?" Leah suggests.

"People will definitely think we're crazy, but I don't have a problem with that," you say.

"Is this really what you want?" Leah asks, using her free hand to gesture between you both.

"Yes," you say without missing a single beat, "I don't want to ever go without this again."

"Good. We're on the same page then," she nods finally.

Not wanting to wait any longer you ask her a question you've been dying to ask, "Can I kiss you, please?"

Without even a word Leah just smiles, leaning in to kiss you. Somehow it's a goodbye kiss, and a hello kiss, an I missed you kiss, and an I'm sorry kiss. It's everything you wish you could've said to each other in once simple gesture.

"I haven't stopped loving you for a minute, I hope you know that," you say quietly, as you pull apart.

Leah smiles, looking at you with all the love in the world, "I've spent years dreaming that one day we'd see each other again and you'd say that."

"In my dreams, you say it back," you joke.

"Sorry," Leah shakes her head, "I love you."

[temis-de-leon]

Shy gn!reader confesses to the Dateables

Characters: Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon and Simeon (x reader, separately)

Masterlist

Part 2 , Demon brothers version

Anon request: Could I request headcanons for Diavolo, Barbatos, Solomon, and Simeon react to shy gn crush confessing to him nervously?

.

A/N: I made this so the Dateables were already crushing on the reader for a while, but it's the reader who confesses. Once again, Simeon gave me no inspiration and yet his section was the one I enjoyed the most

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Diavolo

He’s used to loneliness and sacrifices, dedicating his limited free time to a small inner circle that he’s unable to expand. The rest of his devotions goes to his dreams and his duties, and that includes, above many other things, the student exchange program.

The only human he personally knows is Solomon and everybody is aware of the sorcerer’s peculiar personality, so he’s quick to accept that you’re going to be different from everything he’s ever known.

He just didn’t know how much.

You build a friendship with him, treating him without inhibitions while still respecting him. You accept and join his childish whims, ask for his advice in more serious matters and speak your mind without fear.

You make him feel normal, helping his love for you grow slow but steady over a strong foundation.

But then your behaviour around him changes and he feels completely lost. There’s a sort of restraint he’s never seen in you, your recent silence and your avoidance to look at him in the eye making him wonder in hurt if you finally know enough about him to be afraid.

Diavolo feels his heart sink when you ask to speak to him in private and he’s willing to accept he has lost you.

How wrong he is.

Your confession leaves him speechless, but the more you talk with a stammer while twisting your fingers, the more he feels his cheeks blush.

He doesn’t confess back. He directly asks you out on a date.

Barbatos

His duty to the Young Master doesn’t feel like a sacrifice to him. It’s an honour he’s glad to act in, so, although he likes to keep some free time for his private life, Barbatos is more than happy to set Lord Diavolo above everything else.

He doesn’t pay you much attention at first, given that there’s little to no connexion between you two. In fact, the first few times you hang out together outside official matters it’s always organized by someone else, mainly Luke.

The young angel enjoys baking and even his prejudices decrease upon the demon’s talents in the kitchen.

He also enjoys spending time with MC.

So he combines both of those things. That’s how Barbatos gets to know you better.

He revels in the discovery of your resilience and your kindness despite what surrounds you. Your smile while measuring ingredients with Luke, your attentiveness at his teaching.

He knows Lord Diavolo appreciates him and thanks his presence, but you’re the first one to treat him so… highly? You admire him, you hear him, you seek him.

His busy mind and busy schedule give him almost no time to ruminate his feelings, but he can’t run away for much longer.

It’s around the same time he finally accepts his need to be with you that you start to fidget around him. He sees you looking at him under your lashes, timidly smiling and looking at him when you think he isn’t paying attention.

Your feelings are obvious to him, but he lets himself enjoy the situation for as long as possible. It’s too adorable to let go.

When you finally gather the courage you need to confess and it’s his turn to be sincere, his words are worth more than a hundred romance books.

Solomon

At the beginning, his interest in you is entirely academic. A regular human living amongst the most powerful demons of the Devildom? Now, that is something worth his while!

Witnessing first-hand how your humanity is put to the test on the daily is fun at first, but then again… You still have humanity. Once lost, it wouldn’t come back.

He ultimately decides to side with you. It makes him feel a little better too.

Although you both have a cordial relationship, barely a friendship, he isn’t your priority. To be fair, you aren’t his either, so he can’t complain.

But then time passes and his infatuation starts to grow.

You remind him of better things. Those he lost long time ago and those he knows he’s incapable of reaching. You make him want to be better, to try and to be someone that you could be prouder of.

He uses his vast knowledge to compete for your attention. His stories and his studies, his vulnerability slowly showing to you. It’s difficult, but you’re worth it.

He knows it’s working when you go out of your way to spend time with him, a difficult task when half of your roommates, if not all of them, don’t trust him at all. That makes him elated, but insecure at the same time.

He doesn’t know how to move things forward without spoiling them, so he waits until you make the first move. When the moment comes, he forces himself to memorize every second of it.

Solomon doesn’t want to forget your timid expression or the way you can’t decide what to say to put your feelings on display. He doesn’t want to forget the wide smile you show when he reciprocates your affections.

Simeon

He cares for you since the beginning, even before forming a friendship. It’s in his nature to be kind and caring and he can’t help but to act on it with you.

Your personality immediately draws him closer. How positive you are despite your situation as well as your determination to keep going forward, proving the demons wrong.

Simeon feels a strange satisfaction whenever Lucifer’s brow twitches at your misdeeds.

It’s thanks to Luke, who wants to keep two of his favourite people close, that he gets the chance to know you better.

He enjoys every occasion you visit Purgatory Hall. Sometimes you’re invited by Luke to help him cook, study or even make puzzles; and other times is Simeon himself who asks you to spend time with them.

The evenings you manage to have dinner with them are the most fulfilling for him.

He’s never felt a love so strong before, but he’s a world renounced writer and a romantic at heart, so the only thing he’s capable of doing in this situation is to pour his affections and hope for you to accept his heart.

The conclusion reaches an end when he manages to reset his DDD yet again.

Luke, although irritated at him, manages to call you before going to the castle to hung out with Barbatos, but Simeon doesn’t mind. More than that, he prefers it.

The sole idea of being alone with you brings warmth to his heart, after all.

He knows you feel the same too. Seeing the light in your eyes, the curve of your smile and the tenderness in your shy-filled whispers is enough for him to know.

You don’t even have time to confess on your own.

Simeon asks with a sweet voice if his interpretations of your feelings are correct. If they are, bless his heart, he feels the very same.

.

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[magnificentstrawberryomen]

Indisposed: chapter one (Noah Sebastian fanfic)

18+

Link to the prologue: https://www.tumblr.com/magnificentstrawberryomen/751033862216450048/indiposed-noah-sebastian-fanfic?source=share

chapter one

The hour after me doing Noah's makeup and getting him dressed passed by quickly, and I make my way next to the stage to stand next to Bryan, the band's photographer. We talk a bit before the show begins, and while doing so, I look around me-a full crowd is surrounding us, full of excited fans wearing merch and/or all kinds of alternative styled looks. Their excitement, happiness and nerves all came together in the room, making me feel the same thing as well. The love that everyone shares for the band is so strong, and it's amazing to see and feel.

But when the lights go off, and the intro that the band has put together plays on the screen, everyone goes wild. And the crowd really loses it when the band comes up, making me grin like some proud mother. They truly deserve this, being this appreciated and adored by the people here, because they most definitely are. 

As always, the band does an amazing job, and I sing along with a lot of songs which I do every night, either backstage or sometimes besides the stage like right now. Sometimes a few of their fans recognize me, so I smile and wave at them. It's still something to get used to sometimes, not gonna lie. I am pretty known in their fandom because of the backstage content I share when doing the guys' makeup and styling, or just silly moments in my Instagram-story, and I've read and seen that they really appreciate and like that. It's sweet, and I get a lot of compliments from my work too. 

I can notice Noah sneaking a few glances at me from time to time, and I try not to let it get too much to me-especially when he looks, well, let's say rather good while singing. It's almost like he knows what he knows what he is doing at moments like that… but I know that he is aware how good looking people find him. And somehow, also of me. Asshole.

The show is a big success, a big part of the crowd sings-or scream, my poor ears-the lyrics along from the bottom of their heart, the mosh pits are big and as heavy as it should be at a metal concert, and the band and the people connect so well. I can tell it gives Noah a big rush of energy, because of the way he is smiling, goofing around with the band, jumping and putting his all into the show. It makes my heart all warm, and I again feel so proud of all of them. 

I leave a couple of minutes before the show is over, because that's usually chaos with crowds as big as these. I wait for the band to hand them their towels and guard them safely backstage with the rest of the crew.

Noah, drenched in sweat, is the last member that quickly runs towards me, a big and pleased smile on his face. I return the same smile and hand him his towel, while saying: `That was such a great show!´

He grabs the towel and quickly wipes the sweat off his face, looking at me with the same excitement he had on stage. `Fuck, it was. It was amazing,´ he grinned, running a hand through his damp hair and running the towel over it after.

`It truly was, Noah. You all did such an amazing job, I'm so proud of you,´ I say and his smile only grows bigger, just as the twinkle in his dark brown eyes. 

`Glad to know I didn't disappoint anyone, including you,´ he answers with a sly smile and I playfully hit his arm with my fist.

`You couldn't Noah, you know that.´

`Hey guys, don't forget the afterparty,´ we hear Nick say when he looks around the corner, a playful smile on his lips when he sees us standing together. `We have just half an hour to get ready and to get there, sooo… I don't know what you guys are planning to do,´ he says with a shrug and a grin after, and I grab Noah's towel out of his hands so I can slap Nick against his shoulder with it.

`Hey! Ouch! Just fucking kidding of course,´ he says while rubbing his arm after, but his smile remains on his face.

`Very funny. Don't worry, we will get ready now,´ I answer him while rolling my eyes.

The other bandmates-and especially Nick, Jesus-seem to be very fond of making jokes like that about me and Noah since we grew closer and know each other longer, and I always try to ignore it, laugh along or joke back. Noah usually does the same, but he does seem to enjoy the jokes a little too much sometimes, which can get me a little flustered.

`Hey, Hailey, can I ask you something?´ Noah asks when I scared Nick away with his towel, and I nod. He scratches his neck, and asks me with a kind, little smile: `How about I accompany you tonight? For the party, I mean? Like, that we go together, the two of us?´

It's impossible to say no when he looks like a shy, lost puppy when asking me that. `Yeah, sure,´ I smile. `As long as we make it look professional and friendly,´ I say, and I feel my cheeks turning red after that. `Because it is, of course…´

`Oh yes, of course,´ he chuckles. `Dont worry about it, I'll behave alright,´ he smirks with a wink after. 

For fucks sake, that definitely does not make my cheeks any less red. I still have to fight back my smile though, and I nod. `Alright, I will get changed now, and text you when I'm ready.´

`Yeah, cool.´

`Okay, see you soon,´ I smile. The security and crew make sure we first get to our hotel safely, making sure we don't get mobbed or seen.

Once I checked in my own room, I quickly get ready, stressing just a little because I know I have to hurry. I put on some makeup, do my hair, put on my favorite perfume and a little black dress with that looks good on my body but is also good enough to go out with for a party. 

After I'm sure enough that I'm ready to go, I text Noah that I'm ready and am waiting for him in the hallway that's close to the band members' rooms. I nervously tick with my fingers against my phone case. I always get a little nervous when I go to social gatherings, so I am kinda relieved that me and Noah will attend together, so I won't have to show up all by myself and be all awkward when having to greet people and such.

I spot Noah walking towards me, his hand running through his mid-long hair and smiling at me with a kind and admiring smile. He looks good in his black open blouse with short sleeves, a tank top and tight pants underneath in the same color-of course. 

`Wow… you look really good,´ he says when approaching me, looking me up and down with a genuine grin. I smile back at him, tucking some of my dark wavy hair behind my hair, feeling kinda flustered because of his compliment.

`Thank you. You look quite nice yourself,´ I compliment him back.

His grin widens and he offers me his arm, asking me: `Ready to go?´

I nod, accepting his arm with a small smile, before he leads me to the exit door of the hotel and we walk a small few minutes in comfortable silence through the little cold air.

Once we go through a lightly cracking, heavy backdoor of a almost hidden building (I guess this is some secret afterparty place only known for people in the music and acting scene) and we get checked by a funny looking tall guy with a beard almost coming till his waist, music starts blasting through my ears. The crowded, dark room has a big blue bowl of light on the ceiling, shining through the room onto the dancing people in the room. 

`This is your kind of party, right?´ Noah jokes when he notices the way I'm looking… kinda lost around here. Literally the only people I know here are the band and some crew members, and the rest of the people are all strangers to me. It makes me kinda anxious-I have no problem being social and talkative around my familiar circle, or when I have and need to be professional for my job, but other than that… Yeah, I can kinda struggle and be awkward most of the time.

And that's why I answer him: `Yeah… I do need a drink though,´ I sheepishly laugh, already walking towards a table full of drinks I am spotting.

`Alright, we’ll get you a drink then,´ Noah chuckles when he follows behind me, standing pretty close to me as we pick up our drinks before continuing to walk around and greet some people. The simple gesture of his hand on my lower back when I poured in our drinks keeps replaying in my head, and thank God the room is so warm that the light blush on my face can easily be associated with that. 

We talk a bit with the people we greet or get greeted by (well, they mostly recognize Noah, which is fair), feeling his gaze on me now and then. What makes me stick to sipping… quickly and a lot. Oops. I can’t help it, he makes me nervous like that and I was already anxious, and the drinks are right there for me to grab. So can you really blame me though?

When we continue walking through the room (with me starting to stumble around and dance like a fucking idiot), Noah looks down at me and starts laughing lightly. `So, you are enjoying yourself quite a bit huh?´

`I do, yeah,´ I giggle, and heavily nod while saying so.

`Slow down will you, though? We have been here for only…´ He stops to look at his watch, and then back at me with an amusing smile. `Forty-five minutes.´

`Oh shut up,´ I tease. `Go have some more yourself.´

He chuckles at my sassy tone, clearly finding me being drunk funny. `You know…´ He starts, moving even closer to me now. I gulp. `You should be careful… If you continue like this I might have to carry you on my shoulder back to the hotel.´ His eyes still twinkle with amusement, but I can sense some kind of serious, worried tone in his voice though.

`You are really brave thinking I can’t take care of myself so you have a reason to pick me up and carry me,´ I chuckle and roll my eyes. `I might be a… líttle drunk, but I can still think more clearly than these two,´ I add, and I look at two people standing in the corner of the room, trying to make their way towards the exit while barely being able to stand on their feet.

Noah laughs at that, shaking his head slowly. `Well, I never said you aren’t able to take care of yourself or whatever… But what I meant is that, once you’re way further past this state, you might rethink your decision on going home alone tonight.´ After that he shrugs, adding: `Trust me, I’ve been there.´

`We’ll see, Sebastian,´ I slur and run towards the middle of the room after. `I want to dance first!´ I then yell through the loud music.

When in the middle of the dance room and the crowd, I begin moving my body and hips at the rhythm of the music, my eyes closed, getting a little lost in the moment and the music. It feels good and freeing, and the alcohol makes me forget my usual social anxiety that I would get-I just focus on how good I currently feel and smile.

When I open my eyes again, I see Noah laughing for a bit when he watches me dance. His arms are crossed when his eyes linger over my body, and I gesture for him to come join me. He grins and steps in my pace, moving his hips to the rhythm as well alongside me. 

  `Oh shit my boy got moves!´ I giggle and grab his hips without thinking, pushing them against mine. `I am still the winner here though, watch out,´ I tease and another drunk laugh escapes from my mouth.

An arrogant smirk appears on his face when he puts a little more effort into dancing. He plays along to my game immediately. `Hmm, is that so?´

I smile with my eyes closed when I feel his body getting more pressed against mine, and I hate to admit it… but it does some things to me. When I open my eyes again, I hold his gaze while still moving my hips against his. His smirk only grows wider and he keeps repeating my movements, moving them faster while dancing more intensely with me, keeping his eyes locked in mine as well. 

I feel my cheeks getting hot when his sudden movements make me let out a small whimper-how fucking embarrising. So I just make a little prayer hoping that the music was loud enough for him to not hear that, but we keep standing closer to each other.

`Oh… Someone’s a little tipsy huh?´ Noah softly and playfully says with a hint of flirtation. 

`Shh,´ I say, slightly irritated, but when I see his handsome smile on his face I can’t stay irritated for long. I rest my hands in his neck and press my forehead against his. Noah lets out a soft chuckle, it being like a warm brush of air on my face.

`Is there anything else you wanna tell or show me, little tipsy girl?...´ he says in a flirtatious tone, moving even closer to me, our faces just centimeters away from each other. Oh god. I feel the music slowly disappear around me, my own racing heartbeat and his voice the only sounds filling my red ears. I can’t pretend his words have no effect on me. I can’t even pretend that I’m starting to feel even more madly attracted to him right now-who am I even kidding?

Noah slowly wraps his arms around my hips as he pulls me even closer, his face close to my neck, I can feel the breath going through his nose on it. I close my eyes-my neck is a very sensitive spot of mine, and my body and mind are starting to almost lose it at this point. The desire grows by the second, wishing he would just put his goddamn lips on my skin already. 

Thinking and wishing this is so bad.

And of course this fucker moves his face even closer to my neck, he can clearly tell how sensitive this spot of mine is. His breath is just lingering centimeters away from my neck, and it sends shivers all over it.

`You know,´ he starts, almost sounding seductive to me, `I think you’re more than just tipsy…´

Well he is goddamn right, because I am feeling very drunk right now. `Hmm,´ I just casually hum, ´so?´

`So…´ lingers after an amused chuckle escaping from his mouth. His face becomes even closer, he makes sure I feel my breath gazing against my sensitive spot every time he exhales. His hands are now wrapped tightly around my waist, slightly squeezing my hips. It’s insane how quickly he makes me feel such a strong desire for him and his touch-I almost want to beg him to place his lips right there.

`I think… I think I could make your tipsy night better,´ he finally continues his sentence after what seems to be the longest thirty seconds of my life. 

My body fills itself even more with desire, it screams along with my head that he feels and thinks the same kinda things as I do. I open my eyes again to look at Noah, looking back at me with his damn attractive smirk of his. He’s good at this and he clearly knows it, but two can play this game, right?

`Can you?´ I tease him back.

`Well,´ he says again with a flirtatious tone, his hands squeezing my hips even tighter, his breath still lingering just centimeters above my neck. `Yes… I think I can.´

`Interesting. And when will that start then, exactly?´

I am totally not fuming with a wildfire of need for him while saying that, of course.

`Hmm, oh, well…´ he says in that flirty, attractive way that he is so good at doing. It takes a few seconds before he starts slightly grazing his lips against my neck, almost like a whisper. God-that could almost send me over the edge alone. But I try to keep it cool, and the only thing I do is smirk at his actions.

`Don’t you have a little bit of sleep every night though, because of tour? Shouldn’t you be a smart boy and go rest early?´

`That’s true… We do have pretty long and exhausting tours every night.´ He pauses a few seconds before he continues. `But… I also feel that joining you in your little ‘tipsy’ adventure is just a little too tempting…´

And I almost roll my eyes back out of a response of pleasure when he begins moving his lips against my neck again-this time a bit longer and slightly more aggressively. Dear. Lord. Have mercy.

I bite my full underlip though to contain it all, asking him sweetly: `Don’t you want me to remember it all, though?´

Noah chuckles for a second before he begins speaking again, his lips still lingering and gazing against my neck as he does so. `Do you think you won’t remember this later?...´ he asks me in a teasing tone as he increases the length of kisses on my neck.

I would definitely remember a lot of this later, somehow I’m not the kind of drunk that forgets a lot or has little to no control left over what they are doing. Hence why he has permission to do all of this with me right now.

`Well, you just said that I give you the impression that I am more than just a little tipsy…´ I say with a sly smile, just teasing him back for my own fun. God, his kisses on my neck feel so good, I need to stay concentrated on my act though.

Noah laughs for a bit, it vibrates on my neck and makes my body slightly shake, and I can’t help but smile after his joyful laughter. 

`Alright, I guess you may have a point there…´ he says as he continues moving his goddamn lips against my goddamn neck, with even more pressure as he does so. His hands are still tight around my hips, keeping me close to him as he continues doing what he’s doing.

He makes it so, so hard to not give in, cause what he is doing is extremely hot to me and feels so good. So I bite my lip even harder, and before I slowly push him away from me, I make sure to grind a little against his hips, just to get him back. `I also have to get up early in the morning… This moment was fun though.´

`Hmm, alright alright, of course. And that will all go well while being this ‘tipsy’, you believe?´ he asks after my movement and comment, the grin on his face teasing and daring. 

`Yes,´ I respond, sticking my tongue out after a little laugh. He lets out a laugh himself because of my drunken, teasing act, and I roll my eyes.

`Oh shut up Sebastian,´ I say to him with fake annoyance, my eyes scanning the room to find the exit door. Once I have found it, I gesture to him to follow me, so we make our way towards the door through the sweating and still dancing bodies. My body is filled with excitement and adrenaline, curious to find out where this night will lead us even more than just the teasing and his lips touching my neck, setting my whole body and mind on fire alone.

[imnotjaesblog]

Hogwarts Dreams at Night

Part 1: An Owl Appears

Warnings: None

MINORS DO NOT READ!!

Words: 4k

At eleven years old you sat by the bay window in your living room. You tapped boredly on the glass watching as two raindrops raced to the bottom. Your head resting on your palm. You sighed the right raindrop splashing onto the bottom of the window. It was another boring Sunday.

Your parents were out working. Your parents owned a flower shop in London. Your mother's dream was to have her own shop to grow and sell flowers. When an order came in for a bouquet of flowers for a wedding or Valentine's Day she always cheered. Your father followed her to London, his wish was to be with her, to always make her happy.

He did just that when they had you.

Now at eleven, you sat by the bay window waiting for them to come home. It was too wet and cold to play outside. All of your friends were home probably finishing their homework. You had completed your school work the day it was given and handed it in the same day.

You loved reading but you'd already read every book in your collection including your mother's, twice. So there was nothing left for you to do but sit and wait for them to return.

at three o'clock your parents were still out working. The nanny they left you with was asleep on the couch placed in front of the TV. The only thing that separated the two was a brown coffee table your father made.

At four o'clock you got hungry. You went into the kitchen and poured yourself a bowl of cereal, you hadn't learned how to use the stove yet but you were sure you could figure it out.

At five o'clock you laid on your bed reading again. An encyclopedia all about frogs. You had just learned about amphibians and reptiles in school. Just as you reached your favorite part, there was a tap on your window. You perked your head eyes zooming in the glass. A branch large enough to fit a bird's nest blew back and forth in the strong wind. You ignored it until you heard another tap. This time when you looked at the glass there was an owl. A white owl perched on the long branch a white envelope in its hand.

Curious you lifted from your bed leaving the book behind. You slowly walked to the window unable to wipe the smile from your lips. You'd never seen an owl so close before, let alone during this time of day. Maybe the owl was sick or perhaps blind? You thought seeing the sun barely peak over the dark clouds.

The owl shuffled side to side before it flew to the window tapping on it with its beak. You smiled eyes wide as you flicked the lock opening the window wide. The rain poured into your room landing on your white carpet. Soaking the fabric of your socks. The owl flew inside flying around your room. Creating chaos as it knocked down books and flew past your candle darkening the room. You held onto your head ducking to avoid its claws.

Once the envelope fell from its mouth and onto your bed it flew out the window. You quickly ran to shut it stopping the rain from coming inside and strong cold winds from hitting your face.

You let out a huff as you locked your window seeing the owl was gone. You turned back to your bed. The envelope sitting on the mattress. You walked over climbing onto the sheets and picking up the letter. You flipped it over seeing a red stamp holding the paper closed.

The front was addressed to you.

You had never received mail before. Well once before when your best friend Jeno invited you to his eleventh birthday party last Spring. But you had never received mail and didn't know what was inside. Nor were ever able to open up the envelopes you received anyway. When you receive your grades or tests your parents always open them.

You excitedly open the envelope pulling the folded cream colored paper out.

Dear Y/n

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1st. We await your owl by no later than July 31st.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

You held the letter in your hands eyes gliding across the page. "Hogwarts?" you thought out loud. Every time your eyes flashed over the words witch and wizard your heart skipped a beat. An owl had come to you and delivered a letter for a magic school. To any other child, it would spark a whole new world of imagination. An escape perhaps from your boredom.

But was it true? A school is full of magic. The keys at the front door caught your attention. Your parents were finally home. Maybe they could answer all your questions.

Your tiny feet ran down the stairs. Both your parents step inside removing their shoes. Confused expression on their faces when you ran to them. Normally they'd find you deep into a book or your studies. They usually found you reading a book about whatever animal you had learned about or a piece of ancient history.

You rarely ever ran to greet them. They didn't mind it. They understood the powers a good book can hold.

"Hello darling," your mother said bending down and kissing your forehead. She squinted her eyes at the letter in your hand. Your father noticed it too. "What do you have there?" he asked pointing at the letter. You held up the cream-colored brownish letter.

"A letter from a witch school," you said eyes glowing. Your mother gasped and your father scoffed. He looked over at the nanny who was now awake. He walked over to her, paying her and quickly ushering her out. Your mother took you into the living room. You sat down on the couch. You sat in the same spot the nanny once sat in. It was still warm.

Your father sat on your left. You still held the letter between your small fingers. Your mother walked in with a sigh. She wiped her hands on her pants as she sat down on your right. A small smile formed on her lips. "May I see the letter?" she asked. You handed it to her with a small nod, as well as the envelope.

She expanded the letter reading the rest.

First-year students will require:

Three sets of plain work robes (black)

One plain pointed hat (black) for daywear

One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

One winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings) Please note that all pupils' clothes should carry name tags. COURSE BOOKS All students should have a copy of each of the following: The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble OTHER EQUIPMENT 1 wand 1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2) 1 set of glass or crystal vials 1 telescope 1 set of brass scales Students may also bring an owl a cat OR a toad. PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS

She nodded off chewing her lip. "Still the same," she said. She handed the letter off to your father.

He motioned her placing it down on the coffee table.

"What is it?" you asked the both of them. "What is Hogwarts?" you asked. Many questions flooded your mind. What did your mother mean by 'still the same'?

"Hogwarts is a school for wizards and witches," she said. You raised your bow confused. "But I'm not a witch or wizard," you responded. "They don't even exist," you said. Your mother chuckled. She gripped onto your hands looking deep into your eyes. Her warm smile calmed you. "There are many things that exist out there. Far beyond things you can imagine," she said. Your wide eyes and mind started to wonder. Surely your mother was either crazy or telling the truth.

You chose to believe she was telling the truth.

"So vampires exist?" you asked nervously. Your father chimed in. "Hogwarts isn't a school for creatures or monsters," he said touching your shoulder. You looked over at him with curious eyes. "It's a school for people like you," he said. You sat back his hand slipping off your shoulder. Your heart thumped skipping a beat. "For me?' you questioned. Your mother nodded.

"You're a witch Y/n," she said a hint of excitement in her voice.

"And a damn good one. Once they train you!" your father said charged. "Being that your mom was one of the best witches that ever existed," he said. Your mother looked away shly. While your parents egarly celebrated the letter you sat there on the brown couch still confused but intrigued.

----

At 11 you had arrived at the train station. You stepped onto platform 9 3/4 after running through the wall of the station saying goodbye to your parents. You were pleased to discover Jeno had also received a letter in the mail awaiting his arrival at Hogwarts. You had both gone to the station together. You both sat beside each other on the train. Looking outside the window. Wandering eyes glowing as kids much older than you walked around looking as if they knew exactly where they were going.

Once everyone boarded you and Jeno sat back on the chairs of the train sitting right across from each other.

"My father told me of a sport called Quidditch. He said he used to play during his time at Hogwarts," Jeno began excitedly feet barely touching the floor of the train. They swung back and forth as he spoke. A proud smile on his lips.

"I'm thinking of trying out for the team," he said. You nodded mimicking his smile. "I'm sure you'll make it. You were our school's best football player," you said. Jeno went to speak but a smaller boy with glasses walked by. He looked into your cart eyeing the book beside you. He scoffed pointing at it.

"Frogs? Seriously? Are you nine?" he asked cocky smile on his lips. You looked over at the book and then at him with a shrug. "I like reading it. Why do you care?" you asked a scrunch in your nose in annoyance. He scoffed arms crossing over his chest. "Frogs are boring and slimy," he said stepping into your cart. He moved the book to the side but it ended up falling on the ground.

You went to get it but Jeno grabbed it for you. "Thank you," you said with a smile. Jeno smiled at you and sent the stranger a dirty look. There was a small beat of awkward silence.

"Are you two some sort of couple?" he asked. Both you and Jeno frowned facing morphing into disgust. You shook your head. "No. He's my best friend," you said. Jeno nodded, "Besides I have a girlfriend," he said. The boy with the glasses chuckled. "Relax," he said. He turned back to you. He opened the bag he held handing you a book.

"Read this instead. It's way more interesting than that boring book of yours," he said handing the brown old book to you. You dusted it off.

1,000 Magical Herbs and Fungi

You looked up seeing the boy still next to you. "Why are you still here?" you asked. He opened his mouth surprised. Then closed it. He opened it again to speak but didn't. Instead, he stood up readying to exit the cart. Before he could exit an older lady with a cart of sweets stopped in front of him. She offered him some but he refused shaking his hand.

Jeno's eyes twinkled at the sweets. He had only seen hundreds of different candies once in London at a sweet shop. He stood up pushing the boy to the side. He huffed dusting off his brown vest. He fixed his glasses.

"Excuse me," he said to the lady. She moved her cart to the side for him to exit. Once he stepped out he turned to you.

"Make sure you return that book!" he said with a point of his finger. You went to ask him his name but he walked away. You huffed sitting back into the seat. He reminded you of a girl in your class. Always acting like she knew more than you. She constantly reminded you when she scored higher than you did. Especially on days you missed class because you were fighting her friends behind the school for stealing your books and homework. Samantha hated you were smarter than her.

Jeno sat down across from you. Many different colored sweets in his hand. He offered you a bright pink cotton-shaped candy but you shook your head. He shrugged moving closer to the window eating his sweets and watching each tree pass by. You turned to the book, eyeing the book of frogs. Maybe if you were going to Hogwarts it was time to leave the children's books behind and start focusing on things you'd need to know.

Like magic plants and their purposes. You opened the book to the first page. You noticed the book came from a library. You scanned the list of names. The last and most recent name reading was Huang Renjun.

----

At 11 years old you arrived at Hogwarts. At dusk, you traveled on a boat to reach the school. It was dark when you finally entered the school. You couldn't help but look and gawk at every piece of art, staircase, candle in the school. It was like something out of a storybook. The castle expanded the further you walked in. Feeling like the halls never ended.

You and the rest of the students were ushered into the dining hall. The tables quickly filled with kids just around your age. You stood close to Jeno. You both sat down at the same table. From where you sat you could see the kid from the train sitting beside a plumber boy with puffy pink lips. The two started talking becoming quick friends.

You looked away observing the rest of the room. Everything looked perfect, magical. Candles lit from the ceiling, floating over everyone. You could see stars from thousands of miles away. The table in front of you was filled with delicious full-course meals. The room was loud everyone excitedly getting to know one another and breathless taking in the large dining room.

You looked around the room eyes meeting with a brown-haired boy. He looked in your direction. Your eyes went big seeing him look back at you. A small smile formed on his lips. He waved at you. You raised your hand slowly waving back. Jeno leaned over your shoulder eyeing the direction you stared in. He zoomed in on the boy squinting his eyes. Once he realized you were making googly eyes to the boy he laughed.

You huffed rolling your eyes. "Ooo Y/n has a crush," he teased poking your shoulder repeatedly. You shrugged him off crossing your arms in front of you. "Shut up," you spat back annoyed. You looked away from him and at the new boy. He was laughing with a few boys next to him. Your hand rested on your palm eyes resting in his direction.

----

You were 11 when the sorting hat placed you in Gryffindor just after it placed Jeno there. You happily went to Jeno's side. Happy to remain close to your best friend.

You were 11 when the sorting hat placed that strange annoying boy with the glasses into Ravenclaw.

You were 11 years old when the boy with the brown hair and pink lips who you discovered was named Na Jaemin was placed into Slytherin. Your mother warned you of Slytherin's. But at that moment you had forgotten and were just happy to be with your best friend.

You looked at each boy and back at the room with a smile. You were ready to begin this new journey of your life.

Little did you know that these three boys would create such chaos in your life.

-----

You were in your second year at Hogwarts. Just twelve years old when your professor had to pair up with another student for a project in your Spells class. You went to choose Jeno, but your professor stopped you.

"Y/n," he called while everyone else found their partners.

You approached his desk Jeno waiting for you at your shared desk. "Yes?" you asked. He flicked away an inch on his nose. He motioned to the other students in the room. "You're a smart girl. Jeno doesn't need your help. I'm going to pair you up with a different student," he said. You weren't too worried about finding another partner. In your first year, you and Jeno made a new group of friends.

Still didn't mean you didn't want to pick your partner like everyone else.

"Who?" you asked. He pointed at a boy behind you. You turned and any worry about who it might be left your mind. It was the same brown-haired boy from the dining hall. The one with the big eyes and wide smile. He was leaning on his desk talking to a few of his friends. His head fell back in laughter.

"Jaemin," he said. You smiled a part of you excited. This was your chance to talk to him, get close to him. However, you had never really talked to a boy you liked before. Not without Jeno in your ear teasing you. This time it would be normal.

You made your way to him, a pep in your step. You tapped him on his shoulder. His friends, all Slytherin, eyed you. Their laughter dying down including Jaemin's. He turned his head over his shoulder tongue poking the inside of his mouth.

"Can I help you?" he said rather rudely. You brushed it off. Ignoring his bothered tone. "We're partners on the Spells project," you said. He scoffed leaning his body to you. "No we're not," he said. His friends started to chuckle. You could feel your cheeks heating up. You bit the inside of your mouth. It was getting harder to dismiss his tone.

You let out a sigh. "Look I don't want to be your partner either. Let's just get the project over with and I'll never speak to you again," you said annoyed. His laughter died down. He raised a brow pretending to think. He tapped his finger on his chin and then snapped his two fingers together.

"How about you do the entire project on your own and never speak to me again?" he said in the form of a question, a wide grin on his face. Just as you went to speak a book went flying to his head. Everyone turned to see who did it. Jeno had his arms crossed over his chest suspiciously looking the other way. You chuckled looking back at Jaemin who rubbed the back of his head.

He was the shortest crush you'd ever have.

-----

In year three you and Huang Renjun began to compete. You spent most of your time studying. Jeno being on the Quidditch team allowed you that extra time alone to study. You'd sometimes see Renjun in the library studying. You'd send glares to each other muttering under your breath.

In the classes you shared you'd always make sure your hand was up before his to answer the question the professor asked. At one point many students placed bets to see which of them would score higher on an exam.

You won almost every time.

----

By year four you and Jeno started to grow slightly distant. He was still always there for you and vice versa but things became more complicated when he started to become more curious about dating.

It seemed every week he had a new girl he liked. With a new girl in his life, he was crushing on.

You never paid too much attention to Jeno's dating life. Jeno for some reason loved to be involved in yours. You had a few crushes here and there but nothing ever too serious. He seemed to always want to know about them. If they were good enough for his best friend. If they treated you right.

But that's only for crushes he knew about. Most times he was playing Quidditch or with a girl.

You tended to focus more on your books anyway.

---

By year five you had officially hated Na Jaemin.

Jaemin seemed to pick you as his next victim. He teased you, but in the way Jeno did. When Jeno annoyed you it was out of friendship love. You knew deep down Jeno was harmless. But Jaemin was completely different. The boy was nutritiously known for playing around with girls before they slept with them, and then ghosted them.

You were not going to be one of those girls.

Jeno never really liked Jaemin either. Ever since he dissed you in front of the entire class during year two. However, there was not much he could say or do. The two of you in the Gryffindor common room had shared a moment togther.

He kissed you in the middle of the night. You kissed him back. He then asked you to the Yule ball. You said yes and when the night approached you saw him with another girl, laughing and dancing together. Then you saw them kiss later that night. Jaemin who saw the whole thing happened left you alone.

You weren't together but it still hurt.

That night you had your first argument with Jeno. Jeno was tired of you ignoring him. He just wanted to know what he did wrong. You told him and he became even more upset by your reasoning. He tried to explain the girl was his friend and he only danced with her because Jaemin stood her up.

He said "One Dance. I danced with her once because she was upset about Jaemin," he said.

"You still kissed her," you'd fight back. Jeno stunned and with a chest full of pain would ask. "You saw that?" to which you have replied with.

"Are you more upset that you hurt my feelings or that you got caught?"

You stopped being friends with him after that. It was too weird.

Renjun didn't bother you much during this time. You still competed but in silence.

Jaemin loved the fact you weren't friends anymore. It meant he could talk to you without Jeno getting in the way.

----

By year six you had gotten a boyfriend named Jaehyun. He was older than you and a Gryffindor as well. He was also captain of the Quidditch team. Jaehyun was a great guy. He treated you with respect and was very kind to you.

Jaemin and Jeno both didn't like him.

Jaemin still wouldn't leave you alone. Using magic to distract you during class.

Renjun became somewhat of your friend. He'd talk to you in the halls but it was really only to gloat about his accomplishments in and outside of Hogwarts. Any chance he got he would approach you. Reminding you that not only did he have rich parents but that he was smarter than you.

That same day would be the first time you got in serious trouble.

In the library, you used a spell to erase all his notes from year one to six. He failed his exam because of you. Your professors were disappointed. Word got out of what you did. Some people said you cheated. Others said he deserved it.

All you remember is that it made you feel good.

---

Now you'd start year seven. Much older and mature now. You and Jaehyun had broken up due to distance. You and Jeno were still not friends, Jaemin still enjoyed bothering you, and Renjun still hated you.

You still cared about Hogwarts, deeply. But not in the same way you had felt during year one. The same spark you had felt in the beginning began to fade. You started to imagine a world outside of Witchcraft. Maybe a normal job like your mom?

She was a witch and owned a flower shop in the muggle world. Maybe you could do something like that too.

So you thought.

To Be Continued...

Hope you enjoy my new series, Hogwarts Dreams at Night.

I'm excited for you all to read it!

See you soon ;)

Tag: @girlwholovesIpreppyattire

[ctheathy]

HI again! I was wondering if you could do a flippy+fliqpy x reader who is very kind and sweet to him and just gives him the love he MOST DEFF deserves? already dating headcannons if your able to

Flippy+Fliqpy w/ Sweetheart!Darling

Flippy x Reader x Fliqpy

General+Fluff Headcanons

Short Concept

Both Flippy and Fliqpy shall be kept in different sections to prevent confusion between the two as always!!

Flippy/Reader/Fliqpy [Romantic]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

PTSD symptoms [On Flippy’s part] • Mentions of war • Overworking •

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Flippy :

Honey, you and your antics are literally all the man needs in his life. I can see Flippy finding a massive amount of emotional support from you just being there for him, your presence is more than enough to cease any considered stress he might have been feeling beforehand and soften up his mood for the rest of the day. He always seems to be happy and relaxed whenever you happen to be around. You’re truly like the only comfort person the green bear has in his life. And he shall do everything in his power to make sure to keep you aware of that fact. He’ll oftentimes bring you gifts and other small items to showcase his appreciation for your constant, endearing kindness to him. As it means more to the male than words could ever tell you.

He tends to shy away from too much physical contact at times, but he’ll certainly hold your hand here and there for emotional support. Especially whenever feeling overwhelmed in the slightest, one tiny squeeze can put him back at ease. He is so internally grateful for the fact you manage to keep him stable like this, which is why he... attempts to return the favour. Flippy tries to be so incredibly gentle when it comes to you, knowing he can have quite the harsh and strong grip as a whole. But this also causes him to be slightly awkward and knowing where to put his hands and such for the longest time. You’ll have to ease him into it little by little, and that’s when he becomes a little teddybear towards you. As soon as you warm him up to it, there’s not gonna be a single moment where he doesn’t crave your touch. He’ll become slightly more clingy due to your caring and loving nature. Including giving you affection of his own. Such as caresses whenever he gets close, an arm around your shoulder, and all the many many times where he entangles his pinky finger with your own whenever on a walk; Associating it with a sense of promise.

Flippy would oftentimes offer for the both of you to go on soothing and gentle dates with one another. Picnics, skygazing, tea parties; uncomplicated deeds such as those, just wanting to go out with you without potential stressful situations. We all know Flippy here isn’t the biggest fan of activities that can result in trouble, are too noisy for his liking or may have a chance of triggering his ptsd in one way or another. He has always been haunted by the mere thought of the battlefields he faced in the past, so all he truthfully desires is a simple and familiar routine in his life where he can live without feeling the constant need to flee for his safety. He just wants an easy-peasy life with you that isn’t revolved around war and the pain of others. As the simple thought of losing you to the same incidents he has lost his peers to leaves the bear shaken up and absolutely mortified.

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Fliqpy :

Being the defense mechanism to Flippy’s trauma, it’s only natural he is going to be a lot less humane with you and more on the rough side than his merciful counterpart. But considering Flippy’s undying love for you, Fliqpy is going to be growing a soft spot of his own. Even if he tends to show you this through ... rather unique ways and means. He’s a big tease and takes any opportunity to just- bully you. You better expect a daily flick to your forehead, cause it’s going to happen. At this rate, he would pretty much do anything to just get on your nerves and get a reaction out of you. Would put down constant traps in order to just troll you. And as soon as you manage to get lured into one, he is going to be laughing at you like a madman and ridicule you for not being careful enough with your step.

Fliqpy would constantly insist and technically just force you along with the prompt that he gets to train with you and learn you the basics of self defense and combat. He’d sometimes slinger around commentary and scary suggestions that could result in similar motives for you to keep your guard up around the place. He’d teach you how to work with the more common variants of weapons for the sake of your safety, even if it happens to be against your agreement; you’ll be dragged into it whenever you have interest in it or not. These little training sessions can definitely cause you to grow overworked and exhausted rather quickly though, as Fliqpy treats you as he would a comrade back during the violent attacks of war itself.

On a sweeter note, though; you’ll probably be the only individual he can tolerate enough to share his background with. He’ll want to tell you everything he experienced in graphic detail and leave nothing out of the story. He’ll tell you about the many secrets of any vicious ambushes he and his team faced back in the day. Including what the experience can actually do to a person, leading to some more deep and serious conversational topics. With your influence, I also believe Fliqpy to grow the ability to become less hostile over time. His killings are most likely not going to take a stop, but he tends to grow the slightest bit more forbearing towards the other bystanders while being less bloodthirsty than he was before. And all because he got the experience the chance to share these horrible occurrences and traumatic events among somebody he grew a sense of trust with.

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[misslovasstuff]

Prompt: One piece men after a break up

with: Sanji, Zoro, Shanks, Kid.

author’s note: no warnings. I may be a bit biased cause I like the angst hehe. Enjoy.

Sanji

There was no way this man would let his partner go. He wouldn’t.

So if a break up happens, it’s not Sanji’s initiation.

It’s in his nature to give his all in a relationship. Sanji is selfless, gentle and loving: like a light beam that finds pleasure in warming his lover.

The break up hurts. Like a giver who has nothing to give anymore, a heart that stops beating for a while, it hurts exactly like a hand that is reaching for someone who is walking further away.

Sanji is pretty rational but love can sometimes turn that switch on his head where he lets his feelings guide him.

In the situation where he’s just got broken up with, you can find Sanji smoking more than usual, isolating himself and losing that little fire within through the smoke of his cigarette.

His eyes are mostly wandering off the distant horizon,he looks at his right: a part of his in pain of the memories that can’t leave his head. He looks at his left where he would usually find his lover grabbing his arm and resting their head on his shoulder: the empty spot that was supposed to be filled with love, a delicate touch, a genuine smile, wasn’t there anymore.

Heart sunk, lip trembles as a tear or two fall from his eyes.

Sanji would blame himself… for everything. He would doubt himself, where did he go wrong?

Doesn’t help that he’s not good at explaining his emotions or talking about his feelings, even with his friends. So he usually shakes it off with an ‘I’m fine’ or ‘I have to cook’

Time heals everything, they say. It takes him a while lot to get back to previous Sanji: The Sanji that wooed women and had heart-eyes. Sanji whose care and attention exceeded his limits, a man that did everything with love.

I don’t think he’d be fast to fall back in love, depending on how much disappointed he is, or rather say, how deeply in love he was.

He finds hope to love again, always. No matter how many times he gets let down, abondaned, Sanji’s fire will enlighten love in his heart like a candle that keeps burning, that flame keeping it alive.

Feelings will go away, he won’t try to wash them away quickly. It’s a process and he understands. However, his ex has his respect and that doesn’t change.

And when he loves again, of course he’s a bit afraid, but Sanji is a brave man that does not tremble before danger. He’d take risks for the person he loves. There would never be any comparison between his new and previous lover, any regret. But he would be much more careful, a bit more tensed at first.

So, after a break up Sanji keeps his morals as always. He’s courageous and still kind, not letting a breakup hold him down or change his perspective on love. He is so sweet and accepting of his partner’s decisions, the peace that comes from that helps him move on eventually.

Zoro

This man is drinking more than usual, so much so that he gets drunk, which is quite unusual for the not so lightweight swordsman.

He’s angry, not at his partner, never at his partner. Rather he’s thinking what went wrong, pointing fingers at everyone and everything else, including himself.

“Careful.” He’d say to anyone he hears talking bad about his ex-lover. He holds no resentment.

He’s a man half angry and half in love: it’s hard for him to let go, forget and put everything behind him.

Zoro may not look like it but he loves deeply. He grows immensely in a relationship; learning to express love the way he sees right. He’s shy, somewhat affectionate once he grows close with his partner.

It’s devastating when the person who brings out that side of him leaves and he can’t do any thing about that, can’t make them stay against their will.

This fact, accompanied with the devastating acceptance from his side, makes Zoro, in a sense, weak and strong at the same time.

There are things that remind him of his ex-lover, little details he glimpses upon but never talks about. Multiple times he tries to play it cool, trying his best to convince himself of their irrelevance.

His training hours extend, they become longer and more intense.

Zoro becomes moody, so much so that even his usual bickering with some of the crew members does not happen any more as often because they understand it’s best not to push him further.

He has their support, from the boys that give him a pat on the shoulder, to the ladies with whom he struggles to open up for such a thing but eventually does.

Zoro is back to being serious, starting to think whether the relationship was even worth the time?

He has goals to pursue and all. But, once he takes a deep breath and feels his soul breaking a little at the remembrance of his past lover, Zoro understands that it was definitely worth it if he feels so devastated about his relationship ending and his partner leaving him.

Zoro gets his guard up again after being a bit more vulnerable.

However, there is that gentleness in his eyes that even he doesn’t know where it came from, but it stays.

Love had made him kinder, not that he never was, but now he’s effortlessly expressive of his caring side, especially towards his crew.

He really postpones falling in love again, being in denial for a while even if it happens.

Zoro would avoid getting in another relationship for a long time, unless he’s absolutely smitten.

He usually never hesitates in anything else, only in matters of love.

Shanks

To him, a break up has happened more than once. However, that doesn’t mean he processes it easily.

Shanks seems like the type who doesn’t fall in love easily, so if he’s in a relationship, the chances are he’s head over heels and would do anything for his partner.

There’s a high chance of him initiating a break up. Mainly because he wants to protect the one he loves, thus this kind of decision tears him apart and haunts him.

The absence of his lover in his arms and the lack of love in the air will make him extremely unhappy. He’s a man that doesn’t go back on his word, but only he knows how every fibre of his being is begging to take everything back, to take his lover back.

Shanks doesn’t shed tears but he dissociates a lot. Lonely nights where he drinks occur more often now.

The men of his crew are very understanding, it helps that there are all mature adults.

Sometimes he’d read letters that he exchanged with his ex-lover and rub his temple, constraining himself from shedding any tear whatsoever.

Instead he drinks… and he drinks until the pain is not recognisable anymore.

After some time, I think Shanks wouldn’t be afraid to love again. He welcomes the feeling. However, it is when it comes to committing where he draws the line.

Because of the life he lives, enduring the extra stress of defending a loved one is just so much.

Don’t get him wrong, for sure he’s strong enough. But that doesn’t guarantee anything.

Shanks is strong-headed, so lots of his relationships have ended because of arguments. Whether they were real or orchestrated by him for the same reason, we don’t know.

Break ups do not change him, but he keeps memories close to his heart.

It’s hard to let go of someone you really love, but Shanks thinks that’s when you know it’s absolutely necessary to do so.

Can be that he goes for one night stands afterwards for the same reason he drinks so much, filling the void.

It’s difficult at first but as time passes, he finds peace and assurance in his decision and moves on with acceptance in his heart.

Kid

Doesn’t handle it well, at all.

Eustass is absolutely shocked, and he’s not a big fan of changes so dramatic in his life.

“Is this a joke?”

He’s angry but can not allow himself to pour that anger into his lover. Instead he stays silent, telling his lover to walk away already. No goodbye, no nothing.

He suffers the break up a lot. Losing people like that just sucks for him, especially if it’s someone so close. It’s like a part of him has left, a part he so carefully gave away only to never be given back again.

Cries. For sure. He’d curse himself, also resent to drinking and finding comfort in anyway he can.

Kid opens up to Killer. He talks about how he feels this is unreal and states how it freaks him out when people he loves abandon him.

Even though he feels things so intensely, so much anger and frustration, Kid heals quickly.

It helps that he leaves out all of his emotions at first, not buckling them up and letting them grow without expressing them.

After some time, he’s calmer when it comes to his previous relationship. However, if it comes up to discussion, he dismisses it with a serious look on his face which has a shadow of pain that it’s still in him, still in his heart that broke so fast and so easily.

Falling in love again happens naturally to him, he doesn’t push it. He sleeps with multiple people if he wants and doesn’t settle anymore for some time.

When his heart completely heals, when he feels like he wants to commit to someone again, the wound opens and it hurts a little so it might be normal for him to take a step back and perhaps not consider.

Men in love, usually, tend to love gently. Kid is like that as well, that’s what puts him to rage now. That tenderness that comes with love went away, and unless it comes up with someone else as naturally, he won’t consider another relationship.

He always talks about his break up when he’s drinking, it’s inevitable at this point.

Confessions of love prior to the break up play in his head and he blushes again.

There comes a time where he smiles at the memories of his past relationship, fully healed and fully moved on.

[thehighpriestexx420]

PAC:

Your Month of September: Finances, Love, & More

Pick a number/picture that you feel called to. This will be your reading. This is a general collective reading so all details may not resonate for each individual. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

If you'd like a more detailed and accurate personal reading my services are below:

Reviews:

Note : Pics of cards are from the general overview portion. The interpretation for finances and love is included - Tumblr just has a 10 page limit so I can't include all pics of all the cards.

Pile One:

Finances: There's a decision regarding a passionate and exciting idea you have regarding your finances/career that's being perceived as risky. Even naive to pursue. You have the strength and courage to pursue what you feel called to regardless of others' opinions and the anxieties you have.

Have balance regarding this decision. There's an emphasis on having balance in general in this reading. Don't rush in and be thoughtless. Don't lose your passion and hold yourself back unnecessarily either. Rein in your emotions to channel them positively and use them to your advantage.

Stand tall and firm in your decision. You have the right to be confident as master of your own reality.

Love life: While you shouldn't solely rely on others, you shouldn't isolate yourself and turn them away. You're able to obtain the fulfillment and abundance you're looking for in your love/social life. You have to live in the present.

Don't spend your time in stagnation just waiting for one person. Surround yourself with friends/other connections - there are people who will support you. Your ex will come back - you just have to let them go and take control of your life in the present. There will be a strong, stable, compatible, joyful, and loving union worthy of being a lifelong partnership.

Bring a healthy and harmonious connection with yourself and you'll create the same with others. When you acknowledge that we all have differing levels of awareness & that we're all doing the best we can with what we have, trust your intuition, and call upon your inner strength - discerning the decisions you have to make will be second nature. Your intuition and clairsenses are particularly active.

Look at others with compassion - we were all children once and still carry that child inside us. Some of us are unaware of what we need to heal because that child didn't have the tools to do so and suppressed it.

Pile Two:

Finances: You're bringing in significantly more financial abundance this month and you'll be moving on to a better time. With clarity and self empowerment, you'll know how to walk away from those toxic situations that don't serve you. In your love life, there's a mention there will be an offer from someone that will further your reach in the material world.

Love life: Despite this guarded and pessimistic part of you suggesting otherwise, the relationship you have in mind is indeed a gift that will further your reach in the material world. Perhaps one of the reasons you'll be receiving more financial abundance this month is because you'll be sharing your finances with this person.

They'll be responsible, kind, and supportive. Your relationship will be nurturing, loving, warm, and sensual. You may work on creative projects together. It's likely they'll be intelligent and have dark skin/hair.

These changes are coming faster than you realize - you just have to heal, open yourself up to these changes, and know you deserve it. Surrender to the unknown and trust the universe.

Hand over your loneliness, worries, hurt, fear, burdens, and doubt to the universe. Remember the necessity of contrast (light and dark) in order to grow.

Be yourself, follow your passions and what lights you up with joy, and don't dim your light for others. Your soul has planned this moment and time. You've been gathering gifts and skills throughout lifetimes and you're a part of the universe - you're more than capable of handling this.

A significant cycle is ending and beginning.

Pile Three:

Do something different - change your POV. Do the unexpected - a creative solution is right in front of you. Open your mind.

Finances: This month, your finances could go either way. It's up to you to change. The only reason you're feeling stuck is because of your mental turmoil - your anxieties and negative thoughts. Rise above your illusions.

When you light the fire of your passions under you and nurture yourself, you'll find that your ideas/projects will be fertile and bring in abundance. Don't let the repetitive mundane wear you down. Go after what you want with determination and liveliness.

Love life: In order to free yourself, you have to love yourself. Live your life, don't let the negative experiences you've had make you guarded and closed off to love. You deserve self love and love from others.

You're waiting for a soulmate to come in. Take this time to rest. Let go of your worries. There will be a love offer - accept it as if you've never been hurt before and this will start a loving & prosperous new beginning. Trust in the universe and you'll be moving on to better times.

You have the answer inside of you. It's deep within your heart and when you feel it, you just know it to be true. Allow yourself to trust that your goals are coming to fruition because they are. It's just up to you to walk through the door that calls to you and to not let any discouragement stop you from doing otherwise.

Pile 4:

Finances: You have a decision to make regarding your finances. The confusion you have is only coming from your lack of belief in yourself and your worries. You have the means and tools to get what you want out of life. Allow the part of you that knows this be the more dominant. Allow your confidence, strength, courage, and self-empowerment shine.

Love life: You and your ex, who you have true love with, are going to reconcile this month. You've been lied to/they hid something from you but you're both growing and moving on to better times. Allow your emotions to flow, don't hold back.

This relationship is making a powerful and big transformation. Everything about it will be healing and brought to harmony and balance. It will be nurturing, warm, and sensual.

Say yes to change and new beginnings in general. You seem to be more reserved so the cards are encouraging you to be more adventurous and to get yourself out there. If you want something, go for it.

You may not get it right away and that's ok. Don't let that discourage you too much. Everything has a place and time. Trust in that and your inner knowing. You'll be brought abundance in the creative projects/ideas you pursue. There's an emphasis on moving on to better times, there will be a major ending and beginning for you - a part of it is your lifestyle and not letting your anxieties hold you back.

[berryflyy]

YUMA MUKAMI AESTHETIC IRL

His aesthetic is masculine cottagecore

The colours I'd associate him with are Green, Brown, Black, and Red

Green stands for his love for nature as we all know his hobby includes growing vegetables and fruits

Brown is an earthly tone that matches his vibe when it comes to his masculinity and his overall tall athletic physique

Black stands for his dark past

Red is the colour of apples and has a deep symbolism of his connection with Shuu Sakamaki as a child

Masculine, intimidating, beautiful

Earthly, tall, hot,tempered

Sugar cubes, gardening, rebellious

Yuma Mukami, the third sibling in the Mukami household. Despite being the third sibling, he gave off another aura. He seemed more responsible, mature, and in many ways, manly. It came as a surprise sometimes that he was the younger sibling of the popular idol Kou Mukami because of their contradicting personalities. While Kou, on one hand, was cheerful and bright. Yuma Mukami is seen to be hot blooded and hot-headed. However, his good looks make up for it. Being a third year student, he surely gave off the vibe for being a senior, perhaps because of his strong build, but his mind is always wondering somewhere. He's mysterious, handsome, yet you're drawn into his dark world of mysteries and lies. Makes you wonder what he's been through and what lies behind his tall and strong exterior

Defiant, ponytail, mesmerizing

At a glance, when you see yuma walking around in the hallway, you often can't help but think about how different the brothers are. Yumas' tall build makes him intimidating. His rough look, although scary yet, makes him the most conventional strong male. Everyone is scared to pick a fight with

One of the most surprising things about Yuma is that although he's a third year student at a reputed academy, his accent is very different from that of a typical aristocrat, which is ironic considering the Mukami family is one of the top aristocratic families alongside Tsukinamis and Sakamakis. This shows that he is humble and, to a great extent, independent, which is shown by his ability to grow fruits and vegetables.

Yuma, although it is rebellious and hot-headed by nature, there is a hint of pervertness surrounding him by the way he looks at some girls at his academy. This could be for 2 reasons

A) they've got a nice figure

B) Predator looking for prey

In both cases, because yuma has the conventional good looks and the nice figure like the rest of Mukami siblings, he's popular amongst the females at academy

Yuma is also fair. While the Mukamis are sitting and dining together, we see that yuma takes Azusa's side by making sure Kou doesn't take Azusa's share of food and shows his humbleness. Which makes you wonder that behind the stone-cold facade lies the notion that beneath his fiery temperament, a warm heart may beat.

Yuma Mukami, someone you don't want to annoy. Of course, being in a prestigious academy and being part of the Mukami's naturally made him untouchable. You didn't want to be the cause towards his anger. You didn't want to be just another prey in his hunt. So you kept your distance, but once he saw you in the knee-length socks just gripping tightly against your thighs. Something awakened inside him. He had decided you're his prey, and of course, being his prey meant that he had to hunt you down no matter what the consequences. You tried to ignore him. Every time you crossed paths, you tried to move in the opposite direction, ignore eye contact, but deep down. Part of you wanted him. One night while at the rooftop, you're having your lunch, you encounter him, and you're about to leave. He tosses you an apple and tells you to eat. You know better not to take anything from strangers, especially apples, but you couldn't turn him away. Surprisingly, this apple wasn't poisoned, and the fact he grew it himself made it all the more special for you. At the same time, it was time for class again. You shared quick eye contact before going your own way since then you've seen yuma around you a lot. Sometimes munching on sweet sugar cubes, which you found unusual for someone so hot-headed,sometimes near your classrooms. In some ways, he's always there surrounding you. But, who were you to refuse. After all, the predator is bound to hunt his prey down at all costs

"Using force is useless, you know. You're not a person to take me on."

[eggcompany]

Heart to Heart and Back Again Part 1

Count Julian Pankratz, a chronically ill man who has more love than he knows what to do with with his short life. That was until he met his new nursemaid, a mysterious new man in town, Geralt. They grow to love each other, each thriving off each other, each learning to love, to live, to truly feel alive because of each other. Geralt had been around for so long he didn't even know he could love. Julian had been convinced no one would ever love him. Soulmates, they were crafted for each other at their very cores.

But unfortunately destiny had other plans. Julian gets sick, he grows weaker and weaker, and he leaves Geralt. The white haired man doesn't know what to do with his empty heart, empty hands, and wish only to bring his one love back.

There was only one person for him in life. Julian. And he was dead.

Or is he...? One stranger's trek up a mountain a few hundred years later might just change Geralt's mind.

“I can stand, good first impressions.” Julian said as he leaned heavily on his cane. He waited for the door to open for the new nursemaid. He shooed the maid away once she dropped off some food, she laughed at him and made her way through the side doors. He was leaning on his cane trying to get other the pain that was dragging at the base of his back. 

The door did open and he was shaking, straining, heart starting to speed up. 

“Hello, welcome, hurry up and shake my hand before I pass out. Thank you” he said quickly and grabbed the man’s huge hand in his own and then sat back down in his wheelchair. He started getting some big breaths in trying to get his heart to slow back down. 

He then took in the man’s looks. He was large, strong looking, had silver nearly white hair, golden eyes, and his clothes were dirty. He was extremely handsome where his hair hung over his forehead and was held back by a small black tie. 

“It’s an honor to serve you count.” He said and bowed which Julian shushed and waved his hand at. 

“Oh pish posh, now come sit down with me. I had Lizzy bring up some really good stuff. She's a witch in the kitchen, literally but also she cooks so well I’ve cried. I personally have a sweet tooth but also I love eggs scrambled or omelets, those are French. Do you eat eggs?” Julians asked and wheeled himself over to his breakfast table, only one other chair at the table. 

Geralt was confused but followed him awkwardly standing by the table before Julian leaned over and patted the seat and removed the cloches from their plates. There were two plates of scrambled eggs, some pan fried meat, small loaves of bread, and a cup of something melted and spiced looking. 

“Do you not eat eggs? We have a large coop and a lot of livestock on the estate, feel free to explore as you please. I personally would love to get back there to see the sheep, I’ve always loved them.” Julian said as he picked up a fluffy spiced egg and popped it into his mouth smiling at Geralt. He hoped the man would stay, he felt some kind of… change in himself at just the sight of the man. Something ws changing in his heart. 

Geralt, who sat down, remained confused. There’s a plate set in front of him but… why? What? He’d heard of the “Flower” of the rich estate family but… the weak shaky young man wasn’t what he’d imagined. He’d been around for a very long time and he’d yet to meet someone like Julian. 

Julian stared at him waiting but then shook his head and looked down. Soft smile on his lips and kindness running pure in his eyes. 

“Dig in my friend, I’m a lonely man, I treat my servants well. I don’t expect you to stay for the rest of my life, I don’t expect you to feel loyalty to me. I only request you be kind. So in return for your kindness, you have free rein of the estate. Choose a room for yourself, no matter where, make food to your taste, slaughter what you please, grow what you please, just include me please.” Julian said in a sad voice that hurt Geralt's heart. He was just a boy, a kid wanting someone to play with him. 

He’d never met a count as… souled as Julian. He thought he’d be a chamber maid to some priss, to clean and be quiet. He’d never met someone so… honest and full of humanity's best quality, compassion and companionship, friendship and love. 

Geralt should have known Julian would be good. The other servants seemed happy, like a community. All chatting as they worked, some laughing and others humming tunes as they did their business leisurely. 

He was confused, though. Why? 

“Count-” He started just for Julian to groan and shake his head. 

“Julian, please.” The boy said and took another bite of food. He hated being called ‘ count’ ; it made him feel old. 

“Julian, why? Why share your wealth?” Geralt asked and watched the boy drink from a cup it looked like... milk? What wealthy person didn't drink wine with their meals?

"My father brought home a sickness, when I was younger. He gave it to my entire family, my mother, my sisters, me. They all slowly died around me. And I survived. Why? My father was one of the wealthiest counts in this entire land. My sisters were more beautiful than precious gems, my mother had acres and acres of land. I was the youngest, and most uninterested in growing our wealth and taking on more land. Why did I survive if not to share? One day I will die, I can't produce an heir, who will take care of me? Who will make sure I am happy in my final days? Who will take over this home? I'm a creature of society, Geralt, dear, I surround myself with good company. I surround myself with friends . I think you're supposed to be nice and share with your friends." Julian said and leaned forward against the table, smiling, and Geralt was shaking his head. Astonished. He was just a kid, poetic words made from a luxury life. 

"Are you quick to befriend someone like me? You have no idea where I've been, where I'm from, what I've done. Why do you welcome me like a long lost friend?" Geralt asked and Julian was huffed and laughed as his eyes glittered. He looked right at Geralt’s face, cheeks chubby and joy coursing through him. Geralt felt a bit younger himself, his boulders lifting slightly from his shoulders just meeting the kid. 

"You are my long lost friend. I can feel it here in my heart. We are meant to be together, our destinies entwined. Like soup!” Julian said and broke out in a big smile, hands coming to grab Geralt’s across the table. Geralt didn’t pull his hands back but he was nervous until Julian squeezed their hands together. Julian looked right in his eyes, solidifying how serious he was. 

“Now!" The boy said and dropped his silverware and clapped his hands together. Geralt watched him curiously. Julian rubbed his hands together excitedly. 

"Have you ever had a honey cake baked with pork fat instead of butter?" Julian asked and lifted the glass cloche off the small cake that had been sitting to the side. His bottom lip was caught in his smile, a hunger filling his eyes that Geralt only ever seen in brothels. 

"Pork fat instead of butter?" Geralt asked and Julian was quick to cut him a large piece and put it on a separate plate, handing it to him before getting a big piece for himself. 

"Yes! It'll make you cream your trousers, I've never had anything better. Now, you're being rude by not eating so dig in before I start crying." Julian said and shoved a big bite into his mouth. Geralt thought he was funny, the way the boy’s cheeks puffed out and crumbs stuck to his soft looking lips. 

Geralt lifted it up and sniffed it before taking a bite. He moaned and chewed, looking at the boy’s smug look.  It was… incredible. Sweet and indulgent and fattening oily and rich. Something Geralt hadn’t tasted since his days of stealing from royals as a young man. 

"I told you!" the boy said and they ate in silence. Until Julian leaned back in his chair, rubbing his belly, he wasn’t very round just kinda… plush. Like a feather pillow or fresh baked buns. 

He watched Geralt eat like a man starved, looking a bit starved. He hated seeing hungry people. That’s why when he went into town he made sure to fill his pockets with sweets for the kids. He liked Geralt, the way he shoved food into his mouth and flashed his eyes around like a feral dog. He had nice hair and big hands and looked strong under his tattered clothes. 

"It's a nice day out today. My last nurse, she would put me out on the balcony usually. She wasn't a considerably strong woman, usually she'd call the yard boy, Edwin, to carry me down the stairs if I needed to be on the floor of the estate. I do miss being able to be around the animals. I rather like them." Julian said and laughed and shook his head. He hadn't been able to see the animals in years since his last nurse couldn't really wheel him out in the dirt. When he was a child he liked to go run around in the sheep pens, petting them and feeding them and feeling their soft noses. He did miss it terribly… 

Geralt swallowed the large bit of egg and bread that was in his mouth and wiped his face with his sleeve. He didn’t much care about manners. He had them, just didn’t use them. 

"I could take you, easily. Even if I had to pick your chair up, it wouldn't be very hard." He said and was almost blinded by how bright Julian’s smile was. 

"Oh that would be wonderful. Not today though, today I think you need a tour and to get a good wash up and perhaps we can find you some clothes that fit you better. Perhaps we wear the same!" Julian said giddily. He loved sharing, clothes, food, anything. But it would be so fun to dress Geralt up, maybe do his hair, polish his nails, all the things that Julian loved to do. All the pampering things. 

Geralt nodded, blush burning under his skin. He couldn't imagine how... dirty he must seem. He’d not been able to buy new clothes since his own had been stolen. He didn’t think to try and scrub the stains from his clothes before coming, assuming he’d just be put to work without meeting the head of the house. 

"I apologize for my appearance I-" Geralt started to apologize, nerves ebbing into his voice. He knew most wealthy people hated the look of dirty clothes in such a pristine home. Julian just waved him off, thin hand pale, nails shiny. 

"Nonsense, If I could I'd be rolling in the mud half my days. I love the outdoors, the fresh air, I’d adore just one more walk through the orchard... but we all live life as we can. We have a large bath downstairs or you are welcome to pick a room and we can manage a bath in there for you. Though downstairs I hear is the best for baths." Julian said and smiled, he would love to go downstairs and see everyone. 

Most of the people who worked never really made it up to Julian room. Usually leaving the young count to himself and his nurse and even then she was usually preparing his medicine and his bed and such. Sometimes they’d come by to show him something or ask if they could do something with the house. Bringing him fresh fruit from the orchard or asking to repaint the lattice. He’d like it more if he could actually go see them all and talk with them, be a part of their day to day, but… well he was okay with how things were. 

Geralt nodded and stood up, dusting the crumbs off himself. 

"Do you want to give me a tour?" Geralt asked, and Julian was glad to be pushed about, cane held between his knees. He wasn't strong enough to walk but he stood for a moment a few times. He liked being able to see the house, he told stories from when his sister painted on the walls and how he once climbed onto the roof to scare his mother but instead fell and landed on her. 

Geralt smiled and listened intently, helping Julian to sit back down when he started to tremble. He enjoyed the flowery and detailed way Julian described everything, as if he was writing a poem as he spoke. Each detail being told like it held the whole story together, words mixing like perfume in the air. Geralt liked it. 

----

Geralt liked living beside the Count. He easily found a place in the home, the room next to Julian’s own. He found a schedule and stepped easily to it. He found out that most clothes Julian wore he could fit into also, though a bit snug on the shoulders. 

It was easy day to day. 

He would wake up with the sun, wash his face, comb his hair, go down to the kitchen and find something to eat, usually eating some dried meat from a very old dusty box in the pantry. He’d get dressed in a nice outfit, a coat, shined shoes, clothes too rich for someone like him. He’d go wake up Julian by knocking lightly on the door, and going to the large cushy bed and finding one of Julian’s fragile hands. 

Julian warned him that he slept heavy and that he also bruised easily so a good shake to a shoulder would… not be the best option. So Geralt would find a pale hand and give it a good squeeze and some gentle rubs and Julian would be yawning and blinking awake. 

“Oh good morning, dear, how did you sleep?”

“Good morning Geralt, dear, have you eaten?”

“Mornin’ Grlt, I feel a bit drunk still, are you hungry?”

“Good morning, dear” 

Julian always had to welcome Geralt to the day. Always had something to grumble out first thing, always started the day with words. And each day Geralt felt closer and closer, he started sitting on the edge of the boy’s bed to hold his hand before waking him up. 

Each day Julian would marvel at Geralt, telling him that somehow just seeing his ‘pretty golden eyes’ made him feel better. Julian would tell Geralt about the books he’d read, play his harp or his lute when he could, sometimes he’d ask Geralt to bring him things. Sometimes it was puzzles, or chess. Geralt found Julian was a very very good chess player but he preferred checkers. 

And his dolls. Julian had a mountain of beautifully crafted dolls. Some were wood, others glass, others porcelaine. Julian had a story for each one, where it was from, who got it for him, when he got it, everything. Julian loved his dolls, he had a few that had on simpler outfits that he occasionally liked to carry around with him when he was feeling especially bad. He liked to brush their hair and put different outfits on them. He knew all their names, Amice, Joy, and Helewis being his favorites. Those three sat by his bed and often in his bed and were often moved around and carried. 

Geralt never really had toys but when a fever delusional Julian placed a doll in his lap and told him to take care of her, well damn it he was going to figure it out. Geralt learned that you have to be careful when combing their hair and how you have to dress them so they don’t break and how to clean them when you drop a cup of tea on them. He learned how to keep them nice but also love them. 

Each day Geralt spent with the boy, each day he heard the rumbly good morning, each day he ate three meals with him, each day he helped the boy into the warm tub, each day Geralt felt like he had never before. Warm and happy and his heart… his heart felt full . And it was all because of Julian. 

----

"Geralt? Would you please get me something to eat? I'm feeling oddly hungry." Julian said as he sat down from where he had been standing against the rail of the balcony. Somehow he felt... better today. He yelled hello to Edwin who was working in the garden and had been able to walk from his bed to the balcony. He had been feeling better each day it seemed these last few months. He’d been up more that was for sure. Geralt often told him that the sun would help him but also that the balcony was boring. So he was down, being rolled through the gardens or being pushed to the end of the driveway, laughing at the way the rocks bounced him around, or he was being carried down the stairs and sat at the large dining table to socialize with the servants. 

Geralt really did help him.

Julian wasn’t usually embarrassed but he felt more comfortable asking for help with certain things. He no longer struggled to wash himself, simply asking Geralt to wash his back or help rinse the soap off his skin, he didn’t feel shy asking for the bedpan or hurrying to the bathroom, Geralt would simply put him there. He felt easy saying that he didn’t want to wear pants to bed or that it was warm and he didn't want to wear a shirt in the bedroom. 

He was just… content and happy with Geralt. The stoic man’s short comments and quiet nature. It was comfortable. 

"Do you want me to make you some eggs?” Geralt offered from where he was sipping tea in the sun, opposite from where Julian sat at the small table. The boy smiled and looked over at his friend. 

“That sounds perfect, dear” Julian answered and Geralt was slow to finish his tea and stand up, walking away only to turn back. 

“Come on, I’m taking you with me.” He said and soon Julian was in his chair being carried down the stairs. 

He felt… alive. Warm, welcomed, happy, alive. 

-----

"Geralt here gives me strength. Now, let me pour you all a drink. Do not help me." Julian ordered as he stood up from the head of the table. He left his cane behind, instead picking up a quite heavy brass pitcher. Eleven people. He just had to pour eleven drinks. 

He’d been feeling better and better, each day he saw Geralt, each day that he saw everyone and got to do something fun, he just felt stronger. 

Geralt had been bundling him up and taking him out into the snow, or at least getting him out into the patio. Julian had even made a little snowman, and Geralt had never felt happier sneaking out at night to make a whole group of snowmen, right under the balcony so Julian could see them. He had even given them little leaf hats made from old cabbage. 

Geralt was the fuel that kept Julian trying. Kept the boy from wasting away in bed. Even on the worse days Geralt would at least bring him the little dolls and keep busy nearby. 

Everyone knew it too. That’s why when Julian proposed they all have a nice big winter feast together, they all knew Geralt would be picking at them all. ‘ Be on time’ ‘Show up’ ‘Don’t help him’, That was the oddest thing. Geralt went around telling everyone not to help Julian at all. 

Now they knew why. The count wanted to show his strength and independence. 

A few of them held their cups up to the spout to make it a bit easier as he shaked heavily with each pour. His arms were aching by the time he got to the other end of the table. Geralt held his cup up for Julian who let the pitcher rest heavily against its rim, knowing Geralt wouldn’t let the pitcher fall. 

Finally as he fell back into his chair, pitcher set hastily against the table, tears streamed down his face, he smiled and nodded, fixing his posture. 

"Goodness me, Geralt's cured me hasn't he." Julian joked as his body shook and hurt horrible and tears streamed down his face from both pain and joy. Everyone clapped and raised their glasses to him. It was a good thing, to see the count so happy, so active. It was a good thing to see. 

Even as he tried to pick up his cup only to have it drop from his hand and splash over the rim a bit. 

"To my friends, who share their strength with me, who's companionship gives me life." Julian said, voice shaking. He smiled and they all raised their glasses, cheering a bit before digging into the feast laid across the table. 

The dinner went on for hours, stories shared freely about travels and chance meetings. Some stories about even the darkest of margics, Julian was enthralled. He laughed and ate and drank and enjoyed the warmth of family around him. A warmth that he had only felt the barest of with his actual family now burn warm and white around him. He stayed until everyone else retired to their rooms, except Geralt who cleaned up. 

The alcohol sparked enough confidence in himself that he started to walk to his own room, he made it halfway to the stairs before Geralt had an arm around his waist. 

“Come on, princess. Up to bed with you.” Geralt rumbled, he was dead on his feet and Julian had run off on him. Julian was happy to be picked up and carried against Geralt’s chest, a much more intimate pose than how Geralt usually carried him in his chair. 

Julian giggled and hugged onto Geralt’s strong broad shoulders. 

“Are you the dashing prince that’s come to save me? I didn’t know I was so lucky.” Julian giggled as Geralt carried him up the stairs. The boy was dead asleep by the time he was being laid gently onto his bed. Geralt just watched him, his soft face relaxed, his chest rising and falling slowly. 

Geralt let himself indulge and petted through the soft chestnut hair that fell across the boy’s face. Geralt let himself enjoy the moment for just a second longer before gently stripping Julian of his day clothes and pulling on his thick winter pajamas and tucking him in under the thick blankets. 

“Gerlt? Geralt, are you here?” Julian asked sleepily as he heard the fire being built up for the night. Geralt hummed. 

“Yes, Julian?” He said softly, in a way that had Julian smiling into the darkness. The boy snuggled back into his bed, warm and full and a little drunk. 

“Nothing, just wanted to say thank you. Goodnight dear, I love you.” Julian said before rolling onto his side and falling fast asleep. 

Geralt was a statue. I love you . Geralt felt struck by lightning. Because… well…

“I love you too, Julian.” 

----

“Geralt are you- have you- have you ever-” Julian tried to ask one night as he read through one of his more dirty novels, it was french, of course. 

Geralt was scrubbing the wine out of some shirts, it was a hot day out and Julian had knocked over the whole pitcher. Geralt was shirtless, sitting by the wash basin in nothing but a pair of light pants. Julian just… well he didn’t really know. He was feeling… a certain way. 

“What was that?” Geralt asked as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. He looked over at Julian who was under the simple musin sheet, book held up so only his eyes were visible.

“Have you ever… are you a virgin?” Julian finally asked, voice turning squeaky. Geralt raised a brow at him and huffed a laugh. 

“I am not. I haven’t been for a long time. Why?” Geralt responded and went back to scrubbing, knowing Julian was a bit… timid when it came to anything sexual. He’d once said he’d been betrothed to a young countess when he was born but she’d left him when his family passed. And that he hadn’t had a girlfriend since. 

“I was um… I was just wondering. Um cause, oh you know, um… because I am.” Julian said, eyes just peaking over the top of his book. Geralt nodded, not looking at him. 

“I know.” Is all Geralt responded with. He was curious, of course, but he knew Julian was sensitive about his sexuality, or rather his lack thereof.  

“Is it… did you have sex w…with a girl?” Julian asked, hoping he wasn’t chasing Geralt away. He hoped he wasn’t overstepping; he just… he wanted to know. 

“I’ve had sex with girls, yes.” Geralt answered, his back was facing the boy now. Geralt grinned, it was just like talking to his younger brothers. Julian was just a young man, not really a count, just a teenager who wanted to know about sex. 

“Oh… have you… um… just girls?” Julian asked quietly, face burning up. He waited, staring at Geralt’s strong back, spattered with odd scars and marks. Geralt was so… fetching to look at. Strong and solid and confident and… handsome. All over handsome. Julian would bet his cock was handsome, too. 

Julian shook his head, getting that thought away from him when Geralt turned around. Now facing him, Geralt let a small smile grace his lips as he shook his head with a sigh. 

“No, not just girls. Why? Do girls not… interest you?” Geralt phrased carefully. Julian swallowed and shook his head from where he still hid behind his book. Geralt nodded with a hum and kept his eyes on Julian. He let his head cocked to the side, giving the boy a look. 

“That’s okay. You don’t have to like girls. Do you like anyone ?” Geralt asked, head tilted like a curious cat. He tried not to smile at the way Julian’s eyes flitted around the room from where they peaked over the book. 

“I um… I might.” Julian said, trying to sound confident in himself like Geralt did. He failed miserably though, ending up squeaking like a bad hinge. Geralt nodded and went back to scrubbing shirts. 

“Good.” Is all Geralt said before they fell back into a compioned silence. Julian went back to his book not really reading the kissing scene anymore, rather thought about Geralt… oh Geralt. 

------

“Geralt, do you…. Can I sit with you?” Julian asked as he made his way out to the balcony. He was leaning on his cane waiting. Geralt was confused, Julian never asked to sit in his own chair at his own table on his own balcony. 

“Go ahead?” Geralt said in a confused way but was soon letting out an exacerbated chuckle. Julian flopped down in his lap, legs thrown over the arm of the chair. He wasn’t a very heavy boy, not even half of Geralt's own weight. 

“Hmm, so much more comfortable.” Julian hummed and laid his head against Geralt’s shoulder, he loved the springtime. 

He loved how the sun was warm and the breeze was cool and how nice his heavy pants felt when they got warm from the sun but his light shirt kept him nice and cool. He loved how Geralt would pick him flowers and how the bees and butterflies were coming back slowly. He loved how in that moment spring meant that Geralt would sit on the balcony and read and had an open lap to sit on. 

Geralt set his book on the table, letting his arms wrap around the boy. He let his head fall to the side, laying against the top of Julian’s. It was… nice. 

“You’re heavy.” He said and Julian giggled and let his hand rest against Geralt’s chest, feeling the strong muscle hidden under his shirt. 

“You’re warm.” Julian said and snuggled deeper into Geralt, taking in big deep breaths of his smell, Geralt smelled a bit like horse but he always did and he smelled like dirt and blood and sweat and well… Julian liked it. Geralt smelled like living life and journey, it was nice. 

They sat there like that, basking in the warm sun, enjoying the company of each other, in silence. They each enjoyed it, both enjoying the feeling of another person pressed against them, both feeling calm companionship calming them both down to their bones. The breeze in the treetops, the birds chirping happily, quiet noise, the only small buzz of nature being the only sound around them. 

Silence though, was never Julian’s thing. At least not after his legs had fallen asleep and his heart hurt and his eyes watered. He sniffed but held still, still against Geralt’s strong body, eyes dancing across the horizon as the sun sank beyond the mountains. 

“You know Geralt… I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. Here, now, right here with you, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.” Julian said as tears flooded from his eyes. He turned and hid his face in the soft dark fabric of Geralt’s shirt, hand clutching where it had laid. 

Geralt just hugged him, holding him against his chest, hands rubbing up and down his trembling back. Julian was so emotional, always saying flowery things and crying and laughing and… having such big emotions. Feelings always upfront. So unlike Geralt. 

“I’m happy here, with you, too.” Geralt said, truth heavy in his voice. Julian huffed a laugh and wiggled so he was sitting up looking right into Geralt’s eyes. Julian’s blue eyes glimmered like diamonds, eyes rimmed red from crying. He flung his legs around so he was straddling Geralt as a serious look painted his face. 

“You’re happy here with me?” He asked, hands coming up to rub at his face but his eyes kept on Geralt’s. Geralt let his hands rest on Julian’s hips, causing the boy to gasp and buck back away from him before relaxing. Julian’s mouth was hung open, breaths thin and faster than usual. Geralt looked him up and down and hoped he wasn’t reading the boy wrong. 

“I’m very happy here Julian. I’m very happy being with you. You make me happy, Julian.” He said quietly, barely above a whisper. He didn’t want to risk leaning the few inches forward it would take to press his lips to Julian’s own. But he craved to just get a little taste, a tiny kiss, just to get the smallest. 

Julian smiled and put his hands on the sides of Geralt’s face. Squishing his cheeks. 

“Do you mean it?” Julian asked and stared into Geralt’s golden eyes, like he could see the truth if he just looked hard enough. Geralt moved his hands to pull Julians away from his face and held them in his own. 

“Julian?” Geralt said softly and let his hands warm the thin cold ones within them. Julian swallowed and looked down at his lips before looking back into his eyes. 

“Yeah?” Julian breathed out, his heart racing in his chest when he realized how they were sitting. They were…. So close. 

Geralt leaned in, tilting his head to the side just a bit, warm breath cascading over Julian’s lips and cheeks. Geralt let his eyes fall closed and his nose rub against Julian’s. He opened his eyes after only a moment, lids heavy as his body became warmer with want. 

“‘M gonna kiss you now” He warned and Julian was nodding needily. He pressed his lips gently, so so carefully against Julian’s own. 

Julian was… not a bad kisser. Eager, pushy, but… soft and tender. Lips staying shut, just easy pushes and movements. Geralt’s hands fell down to his hips, only to squeeze gently and run up and down Julian’s soft sides. Julians own hands found their way to Geralt’s shoulders, holding on for dear life. 

His eyes were tightly squeezed shut when they pulled back. Lips kissed red and plump where he was breathing shakily. He was panting from chaste, closed mouth kisses?

Cute, Geralt thought. 

Julian opened his eyes, rimmed with tears, and grasped Geralt’s jaw. He looked into Geralt’s eyes, glowing like fire in the sunset’s light. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest and his head was getting light but he wanted to kiss Geralt more. He felt like he could cry with how happy he was, he was nearly crying with how much love he felt. 

“I’m gonna faint. But I wanna, wanna… will you put me to bed?” Julian said as his eyes started getting a bit fuzzy. Geralt was calm and gentle as he just stared at Julian’s bright blushed face. The boy just looked sleepy and rested his head against Geralt’s shoulder, hands falling into his lap. 

“I’ll put you to bed, Julek, little bird, come on.” Geralt whispered more to himself than the unconscious boy as he carried him back into the house, back to bed. 

Geralt busied himself around. Making a small fire, sweeping the floors, lighting the candles, bringing up fresh water to make tea, and he sat and watched Julian sleep, snuggled up under the covers. 

----

They shared more kisses, Julian falling into Geralt’s lap asking for a few sweet kisses or to just sit and eat together or he’d just nap in Geralt’s lap. 

Geralt was always grateful to have the other man near, chatting incessantly about anything from music to animals to pictures he’s seen of the far east. He liked to hear the boy explain how a new poet was rising a few townships over and that he was as senseless as headless chicken, or how there’s a new author and his books are written so well it’s like you’re actually standing amongst the jungles, hearing the monkeys, swimming under the waterfalls. 

Julian would go on and on, sitting on Geralt’s lap, sometimes a blanket thrown over them. Sometimes they would sit on the balcony in a large wicker chair that Geralt had brought up from the library downstairs. Sometimes Geralt would help Julian out to the garden and they’d sit on the grass together, cuddled in the sun. Other times Julian would be so weak that they simply sat very close next to each other, feet touching or hands holding. 

And each morning Geralt would make sure to clean his mouth and chew some mint before Julian was awake. Because each morning Geralt would sit on the edge of the bed, rub Julian’s hand in his own, and tell the boy it was time to start the day. And each morning Julian would pull Geralt down, usually by a hand on his jaw, and press a kiss to his lips. 

“Good morning dear, you look lovely.”

“Good morning, darling”

“‘Morning, lovely, please close the curtains”

Every morning Julian would give him a kiss and welcome Geralt to the day. Each morning Julian opened his eyes and pressed a kiss to him, Geralt was more than just awake, he was alive. Each morning Julian brought him back to life, restarted his heart, brought breath into his lungs. 

----

"Geralt? Will you come here to me?" Julian asked as he laid in bed, body aching and heavy. Ever since Julian's fall, Geralt would stay in the room until Julian was asleep. 

The boy had gotten up after he’d said his goodnights to Geralt. He’d been feeling well, very well, so he thought he might just go downstairs and find a cookie or two and head right back to bed, right back to bed!

However after a day of playing checkers and playing his harp and going down to play the piano while the servants cleaned and worked, he was not as strong as he had been that day. 

He fell in the hallway, nearly falling down the stairs. His ankle had swollen up and he had terrible black bruises. Geralt had lectured him, marching back and forth in the room while Julian wept in bed, saying he was sorry and that he wouldn’t do it again. Geralt also brought a cookie jar up and set it on the mantle. 

But he also refused to go to his own room until Julian was asleep. So when Julian bathed and was ready for bed, Geralt bathed and got ready for bed. It was warm in the home now, no need to make fires at night, so Geralt would simply sit by the window, single candle light lit by the door, and wait until he could hear Julian’s soft snores. 

But tonight… Julian felt… something felt heavy in his chest. Perhaps it had something to do with the book he was reading or maybe it was that his one act of independence had landed him with a swollen ankle and a bruised backside. 

Geralt came over and knelt by the bed, holding Julian’s outstretched hand. Julian smiled at him, his eyes looked tired and he was pale. 

Today had been a very hot humid day, the hours taking their toll on everyone. Even the housemaid had left behind some layers, all citing that Julian would be just fine seeing their bare feet or their hair not under a cap. Julian had spent most of the day laying atop the sheets in bed in nothing but a pair of light linen pants. Now he was tucked under the sheets, pants traded for his nighty. 

Now he just looked… tired. The moonlight only working to make him look paler, his under eyes darker, his skin cooler. Geralt held his hand, the smooth soft skin feeling softer than air. 

"Come lay under the covers with me." The boy asked and Geralt looked into his eyes in surprise. Julian’s bed? It was… the boy barely kept his few dolls on his bed, yet he wanted something like Geralt to marr its appearance? 

"In your bed?" Geralt asked, bringing the soft hand up to rub his cheek against, eyes watching Julian’s as he rolled them and sighed dramatically. Such a dramatic boy. 

"Well? I'm cold and I feel weak and I want to feel close. Come lay under my blankets, come lay with me." Julian begged, eyes brimming with tears. Geralt kissed his hand and warmed it between his own. He shook his head a bit and slipped his shoes off his feet

"Okay, only because I don't want you to cry." He said and pulled his dark shirt off and folded it, leaving it behind in his chair when he climbed behind Julian in bed. 

The boy was staring. Geralt was… beautiful. Such pale skin, scars spattered across his body, muscles like the statues carved from marble. He looked like a character from one of Julian’s dirty novels, a real Adonis, all edges and strength and- 

“What’s wrong, love? Am I… I can go sleep in my own bed. I can take another bath.” Geralt offered before he touched the bed, noticing Julian staring so hard he could feel himself shrinking. Julian just blinked at him, big bright eyes filled with something… light. 

“You never told me you were the fairest flower in all the fields, that I might gp blind merely from a glance at you.” Julian muttered, pushing himself to sit up to get a better look at the scars that whipped across his abdomen and chest. He felt a bit dizzy with how his blood grew hot and swirled in his gut. Geralt was… unfair. So pretty, so perfect, how dare he ever wear clothes. 

Geralt huffed and looked away, a light flush finding its way to his face. Julian… always with flowery words and and… compliments. 

“Julian, go to bed.” Geralt said and climbed in behind the boy who rolled over to face the man. He was biting his bottom lip, hands brought up curiously but halted to wait a mere inch from Geralt’s chest. 

“Can I touch you? I’ve never seen you… bare.” Julian said, looking at Geralt with a kind of… wonder. Wonder of how another man would feel under his hands, how Geralt’s skin would feel, would his scars feel soft or are they tender still, how would Geralt react if he just snuggled close. 

Geralt sighed and nodded, looking away as his face burned up. Julian made a happy noise and let his hands gently lay on the other’s chest. Julian was taken aback, shocked. 

Geralt was so warm, and he felt so solid, and he was so… everything. Julian let his hands press and feel and explore across the miles of pale skin, fingers tracing across scars, feeling Geralt’s heartbeat in his chest. Julian laid there, staring where his hand pressed into Geralt’s chest, feeling each heartbeat as if it was his own. 

“I love you Geralt.” Julian whispered, he could barely tear his eyes away to look into the nearly glowing gold ones. Geralt smiled and let his own larger hand fall over Julian’s. 

“It’s late, it’s dark, it’s time for bed. Go to sleep, Julian.” Geralt whispered so sweetly and Julian was nodding along. He was so sleepy and Geralt was so warm and in his bed and it was… it was perfect. 

He cuddled in close, hiding himself away in Geralt’s chest, throwing an arm and leg over him. He let his eyes fall shut as he felt Geralt’s arm wrap around him, hand rubbing up and down his back. 

“You’re not allowed to wear clothes anymore, by the way.” Julian muttered into the soft skin of Geralt’s collarbone. Geralt huffed and gave Julian a squeeze. 

“Go to sleep, little bird.” Geralt said and soon Julian was drooling asleep, snores lulling Geralt into his own deep restful sleep. 

-----

"Geralt let me, let me walk. I can make it. I've been working on my stamina." Julian said as he stood up from his chair in the hallway. He gave his love a wink and got his cane under him. Geralt shook his head and allowed Julian to walk in front of him. 

Ever since they started sleeping in the same bed, they had both been getting much more sleep. Which meant Julian wanted to do everything together. They got up, got clean and fresh, dressed, and made their way down to eat with the rest of the household. Which meant going down the stairs. Which usually meant Geralt carrying Julian like a princess, or over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and then Julian sometimes walking in through the dining room doors. 

However today Julian had decided he would walk to breakfast. Well… walk to the stairs that is. He had been walking more, getting stronger, and he was feeling especially confident. 

"Sure thing, Julek, put your big girl panties on this morning?" Geralt teased and Julian blushed and didn't look at him. Geralt’s joking had grown from grunts to actual comments. And the nickname… It made Julian feel all soft and melty. 

Geralt was a Slov, Julian had learned, and he'd begun calling Julian ‘Julek’, others called him Jewel, and an older lady who came to the house on Geralt's call to see Julian's progress called him Jaskier but she also only spoke polish. But Julek , hearing Geralt’s gruff voice say the name, it made Julian feel like a new person, a new thing, something just created. 

“I sure did! And they fit me just fine!” Julian responded and took a steeling breath. 

Julian started walking down the hall finding it was easier than the last time he'd tried. Each step steady until nearly to the stairwell. His legs began to shake as he grabbed onto the railing, his heart was racing in his chest and his head felt a bit light. He was trying to take big deep breaths, but he felt like his chest was squeezing. 

Geralt was quick to put an arm around his waist, supporting him enough so he could catch his breath before scooping him up. Geralt gave him a I-told-you-so look and started walking down the stairs. 

"Yeah, eat shit, I still made it." Julian teased as Geralt grinned as they made it down to the dining room. 

-----

Loving was easy between them. Life was easy between them. 

They spent days sitting together in the sun. Geralt once set Julian out in the rain, giggling like a kid until he began to shiver a bit and then Geralt had a warm fire and a blanket to wrap around him. 

The summer was Julian’s favorite time of year. He loved the feeling of a sun warmed blanket and the scent of the gardens in full bloom. Geralt was there to bring him flowers and sit with him to watch the birds. 

Geralt didn’t care about the weather. He just loved seeing Julian so happy. He loved to tuck a flower behind his ear, he loved to trade him fresh apples and berries for kisses, he loved to go out in the rain to bring Julian a hydrangea bloom just to shake it over his head to give the boy a shower. 

Most of all he loved the way Julian laughed. Full and hearty like he had heard the funniest thing every time. He loved the way Julian smiled, bright and wonderful. He loved the way even when he was weak and sick Julian still gave Geralt shit and was a brat and gave sass. 

He loved Julian more than anything. 

And everyday Geralt was happy. Julian was happy. It was… good. Geralt had lived for a very long time and yet he’d never been so happy. 

They more often than not shared a bed, Julian cradled against Geralt's chest. During the warmer months Geralt would strip them both down to their sleep clothes. Julian sleeping in nearly see-through linen nighties and Geralt in a pair of soft pants and no underclothes. In the colder months Geralt would sleep in heavy wool pants but never had the heart to put a shirt on, knowing Julian found comfort in skin-to-skin. Julian would wrap up in his heavy nighty and a pair of thick socks. 

They both grew into their new schedule, they just fit together, like an easy rhythm. 

----

Julian got stronger, he ate more, in the nearly two years since Geralt had arrived, he'd grown able to make it down the stairs, stay awake all during the day, and even ride into town and see the people, often only needing his cane. He could pour the whole table glasses of wine with just a slight tremble. He was so happy with life, he was so happy with everything. Even on his sickest days he felt everything was okay. Because Geralt was there and Geralt was… Geralt was strong enough for the both of them. 

--

One night, he felt... viral . He felt alive and hot in belly for the first time in so long. 

He was laying in bed, just under a sheet, waiting for Geralt to get done cleaning up after their baths. They’d begun bathing together, hualing the big tub up from the first floor up so they could sit front to back in the tub. Geralt claiming he didn’t have much shame, and Julian agreeing cause wow… Geralt had let Julian touch him, sort of. He never let him touch his cock but let the boy press their bodies together, half hard cock rub against his plush ass. 

Julian had liked that feeling but they never had that… sensual atmosphere in their baths. But that night… he had a hot melty feeling in his groin and his cock ached. His head was full of images of Geralt, his body, the way he looked soaked from the rain, short hair flopping over his face, water dropping running down his chiseled muscles. The way he grunts when he has to haul something heavy around, the weak little huffs he makes when he has a bad dream, the sighs he lets out when he lays down after a long day. 

He let his hand creep down to himself, under his chemise. He was hard. Goodness... that hadn't happened in years. He could barely remember the last time he was hard and awake. He’d woken up with a wet nighty many times but never woke up… hard. Nor had he worked up to a hardon while he was awake for so long. 

"Geralt!" Julian called and heard the thundering quick steps of Geralt running to the room. Julian had his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Hand cradling the burning flesh of his cock. 

"What? You scared me, you prick." Geralt said as he saw the boy was fine in bed. He took a calming breath and put his hands on his hips. Julian had an odd look on his face and he had his arms weird across his body… Geralt just stared at him and slowly walked up to the bed. 

"My prick indeed." Julian said and pulled his hand away from himself after a quick squeeze.

"What're you on about?" Geralt asked. He was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Julian looked away from him, face turning a cherry red. 

"Geralt... can we do something together?" The count asked nervously and brought his knees together under the thin sheet. He wanted Geralt so much, just seeing the other man standing there in his thin pants and light shirt, the feeling of getting down to Geralt’s skin, to feel his warmth. 

Geralt looked down at the boy, his eyes blown big, cheeks cherry red and creeping down his chest. He wanted to pick the sheet up to see underneath, see what the boy was hiding. He felt the pull, the warmth in his own belly, he wasn’t a very sexual man but Julian was so soft. So sweet smelling and warm with the plushest body and the kindest hands. 

"What do you wanna do, Julek?" Geralt asked, letting his fingers graze atop the covers beside Julian’s arm. He gave the boy a look, golden eyes warm and open, lips practically begging for a kiss. 

"I um... not to be so forward but will you lay under the cover with me and well... l-lay with me?" Julian asked, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

Geralt grinned, pointy teeth on display and crawled up on the bed, throwing a leg over Julian’s thighs, causing his legs to lay flat. 

Julian had a nervous look on his face that was soon being washed away by biting tongue filled kisses. Geralt let himself go, hips grinding down onto Julian’s, savoring the feeling of a hard cock rubbing up against his own. He got washed away in the feeling of Julian yanking his shirt off and untying his trousers. 

“You’re stunning, my dear, so pretty” Julian said and let his hands wander, rubbing across Geralt’s broad shoulders, down to squeeze his hips, back up to cup his muscular pec. 

“Do you really want this, Julian? Do you want me to… to do this to you?” Geralt asked from where he had started sucking and nipping down the boy’s neck. Julian grabbed two fistfulls of his hair and yanked him up to face him, determination plain on his face. 

Geralt sucked in a breath and dared not move from where Julian had an iron grip in his hair, the pain of it sparking something he rather not look into. He stared down at the boy, he wanted, gods he wanted , but… he couldn’t do anything until Julian said okay. 

“Geralt, man who’s stolen my heart, man who’s the only one I’ve ever loved, if you don’t touch my cock in the next moment I’m going to cry. I can’t do much else but I’ll cry.” Julian threatened and tears already welled up in his eyes. He felt good and Geratl was so pretty and it was so so good and so so new. 

Geralt shook his head and Julian let go of his hair. He leaned down and pressed a sweet kiss to Julian’s lips. Julian sniffs as tears roll down his face, breaths hiccuping as Geralt ground down again. 

“I thought you wouldn’t cry.” Geralt said and leaned back to pull the sheet away and look down at where Julian’s cock was standing up against his belly, nighty rucked up to his sternum. He looked down and gave it a few light strokes. 

Julian moaned and bucked up, hands scrambling down to grab at Geralt’s wrists. He cried out and looked up at Geralt who had a look on his face, like a starved animal. 

“You gotta hold still for me, for just a minute, baby, just hold still, Julek” Geralt panted out and leaned back yanking his pants down, struggling just to get them down. 

“Geralt, what- what’re you going to do? I don’t… you know I don’t know how this works. Not with… not with two boys” Julian said in a panic as he yanked Geralt’s pants off his feet and flung them away. Geralt was back on him, straddling his waist, huge heavy cock covering Julian’s own. 

Julian just stared down at it… it was nearly the size of his forearm and it felt like fire on his skin. Geralt was so fucking perfect and… Julian felt so nervous, his belly twisting in a bad way. 

That was until Geralt was rubbing his hands up and down Julian’s sides, shushing him. 

“Just hold on, little bird, you just have to hold on for a second.” Geralt said and looked at Julian’s small bedside… oil. They needed some for this activity. 

He thought about it just for a moment before remembering something he’d seen in Julian’s harp case. He leaned down and kissed the boy again, sucking on his tongue for a moment when he pulled back. 

“Do you have that… that polishing oil with your harp still?” Geralt asked as he leaned back from kissing him. Julian was breathless, tears rolling down the sides of his face as he nodded, eyes unfocused and lips kissed red and puffy. 

“Yeah, it’s- it’s in the drawer” Julian answered after a moment to process what Geralt had said. He watched the larger man move to climb off the bed and dig through the drawer in the corner that held all Julian’s instrument’s tools and such. 

Gorgeous. That’s all Julian could think as he witnessed Geralt standing in the moonlight. One side of him, pale skin glowing in the light of the full moon, the other warmed by the candles. His hair was longer than it had been when he first arrived, now catching the light and casting the most stunning shadows across the man’s angular face. 

“ Julian ~” The boy finally heard as he came back into his mind, noticing Geralt was speaking. He looked at him, all tall and strong and hot and his cock and body and…

“‘M a bit dizzy” Julian said and Geralt soon returned, laying Julian back down flat, wiping tears away from his face, shushing him. 

“It’s alright. Do you still want to do this? It’s okay if you-” Geralt said and leaned down to wipe Julian’s eyes clean and looked down at him. He was cute. Plush and snuggly, adorable in his frilly nighty and his little socks. He was hard still, cock hard against his belly, dripping with need. 

“Please, I want you to do it. I wanna do it with you. I wanna lose… it … to you. Please.” Julian begged, staring up at Geralt’s amber eyes. He didn’t wanna be a virgin a moment longer; he wanted Geralt more than anything else. 

Geralt smiled down at him letting his hand go from wiping away tears to push the hair off Julian’s face. He crawled back up on the bed, straddling the boy once more, hands faced on his chest as he ground his ass over the boy’s hard cock. 

Julian let out a long moan and grabbed Geralt’s hips, thick muscular hips. 

“Be good, little bird, have patience.” Geralt whispered as he sat up straight, uncorking the bottle of oil. He looked down at Julian as he covered his fingers with the slick. Julian watched and looked confused. 

That was until Geralt was letting his fingers rub and slip into his hole. 

“I put my cock there? In you there? Won’t it hurt?” The boy asked as he watched Geralt’s hands move, one fingering himself open, the other holding the base of his cock, occasionally giving it a few tight strokes. 

Geralt was efficient with stretching himself out a bit, Julian wasn’t really that big. He huffed a laugh at the boy’s questioning and pulling his fingers away, stroking Julian’s cock a few times getting the extra oil off on him. 

Julian watched him, hands gripping the sheet below him. He stared down at where Geralt was kneeling over him, where Geralt was holding his cock to stand up. 

“It’s not gonna hurt me, sweetheart, this is just how… how boys do it.” Geralt said, breathless as he guided Julian’s cock to press against his wet hole. Julian just made sorry little huffing sounds until Geralt was easing down onto him. Both then letting out long moans until Geralt was sat on Julian’s hips. 

“You did it. ‘M not a virgin. Fucking gods, you feel amazing” Julian moaned, throwing his head back against the pillow under him, overwhelmed with the feeling. The feeling of being connected, of Geralt’s tight warm body, the feeling of them being together, matching and fitting together like puzzle pieces. They did match perfectly together. 

And they could both feel it. 

“I did, I took you. You’re mine, Julek, mine only. Promise me, promise your mine.” Geralt panted out and took Jlian’s hand, holding it to his heaving chest. Julian nodded, automatically agreeing. 

“Yes, yes my dear heart, my love, I’m all yours. All yours. Now have me, please.” Julian said, desperation creeping into his voice at the end. Geralt stayed for a breath longer, feeling how his heart felt sparked alive. 

And then the love melted away and the lust won over. He rose up on his knees till only the tip was still inside him and then he was letting himself fall back down, careful not to hurt the boy’s legs. Well as careful as he could be when Julian was clawing at his hips and moaning like he was putting a show on at a brothel. 

Julian was quick to cum, as expected, and was nearly passed out when Geralt guided his hand to wrap around his own cock. He was stroking himself more than Julian was, but that was okay, it was better than okay when he came and a single drop reached up to Julian’s chin and the boy licked it off. 

“That’s nasty, why do people swallow that stuff?” The boy said and made a face when the drop of cum hit his tongue. Geralt laughed, really laughed, as he sat beside the boy, feeling the cum drip from his hole. 

He reached back and grabbed the water from the bedside and guided Julian to drink some. The boy drank some and laid back, eyes slipping close as his hands rested against his clothed chest. 

He felt no shame laying in his bed with his wet cock out and his belly and nighty covered in another man’s cum. He only felt happy, and content, and tired, and wow… wow. 

“I love you Geralt. Do you want to get another bath?” The boy asked without opening his eyes. He missed the way Geralt looked down at him, eyes full of love and devotion. He didn’t know what was touching him either before he was being lifted up and carried down to the stairs. 

He didn’t open his eyes to see Geralt’s tears rolling down his face, or his smile, or his trembling lip. He was already asleep as Geralt filled a tub and held him close to his chest and wept as he cleaned them both. 

“môj vtáčik, môj, zostaň tu, zostaň so mnou” ( my little bird, mine, stay here, stay with me ) He whispered quietly as he tucked them both back into bed, holding and cuddling close to Julian who only sighed and wrapped his arms around the warm body open to him. 

It was perfect. So perfect. Warm and cozy and they both slept so well that night. Love was so thick in the air you could nearly see it. It was more than just perfect. It was nice. Geralt learned that nice was… so much better. So much better than being alive, than seeing, than hearing, than anything else. Nice was lovely. Nice was… alive. 

However nothing nice ever lasts.  

Julian got sick. 

So, so sick. 

He was pale, he barely ate, he was always cold, he had nose bleeds and his eyes went fuzzy and he was...

He was dying. 

Geralt tried everything to help him, gave him meds, asked the mages, asked the warlocks, he tried everything but Julian would smile and kiss and tell him it would be okay. 

"You knew this would happen when you came here. I'm sorry, Geralt. I'm so sorry I'm hurting you." The boy cried and held the man’s face in his trembling hands. He felt so terrible, not for himself, but for seeing Geralt be so worried. He could see the pain in Geralt's eyes each day when he wasn’t any better or when he struggled to breath or when he hacked up blood. He felt so terrible for hurting his beloved man. 

"No Julek, you're not hurting me. I never knew I could love before you. I love you, Julian, I love you." Geralt said as tears slid down his face, hands holding onto Julian’s thin wrists. He smiled at the pale skeleton that was once his plush pudgy love. 

He still loved him.

He’d love him a thousand times and a million times over. He’d give anything for him. He’d give him life, his heart, his body, anything. He just wanted Julian… to stay with him. 

"I love you too, my gem, my handsome man. Don't weep, my love, don't cry. You've given me more in the past few years than anyone else has my entire life. I'm so grateful for you. Please don't forget how much you gave me, I can never repay you." Julian said and wiped Geralt’s tears away with his thumbs. He was happy, he supposed. He was happy to have ever had Geralt for a moment. To have ever met him, to have ever even seen him. He could never repay the gods, destiny, or whoever brought the man to his home. He was happy to have had the man in his life. It hurt his heart to know he was hurting the strong man who wept before him. 

"You could stay. You could stay with me forever. Never leave me, please, please stay with me. I don't have anyone else." Geralt begged and begged. He’d do anything for Julian to stay. Anything. Julian only smiled and used his sleeve to pat away Geralt’s big tears. He shushed the bigger man and leaned forward to press a kiss to his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and his lips. 

"I'll stay. You're mine, I'm yours. We’re meant to be with each other. Our destinies are intertwined, our lives are melted together. Like soup." Julian said, remembering the first conversation they ever had, the feeling he had. Geralt huffed a sad laugh and nodded. 

"Like soup." He agreed and laid Julian back down. He could rest for a bit before Geralt brought their dinner up, even knowing Julian wasn’t going to eat, he’d still sit the boy at the table and sit with him. 

They went to bed, Geralt putting a nice clean nighty and socks onto Julian, and disrobing himself down to a pair of thick pants and socks. The seasons were changing and it was a bitter night. He made sure to cover Julian up, making sure he was warm. 

“Goodnight, my love, try to get some sleep, you’ve been restless for so long now.” Julian said to him with a soft kiss before rolling over to be spooned and snuggled. 

“I love you, Julek, my heart is yours.” Geralt confessed and pressed as close as he could to the boy and let exhaustion take over him. 

When Geralt woke up Julian was gone. 

He dressed him, put him in the middle of the bed, and made him look like a king. He got a cloth and washed him, ran a brush through his soft hair, and made sure he looked neat and noble. 

Not a tear rolling down his face. He needed to go away, he needed to leave before the successor came. He needed to make sure Julian was treated properly and then he needed to leave. 

He cleaned the room, face stone cold. 

He was in shock really, his chest hurt. He walked down and called everyone into the dining room and they all already knew. 

Geralt went into the town and informed them. 

A cousin would be taking the estate and the power. 

Geralt dug his grave and buried him the way he wanted to be, with his music notes and his childhood harp. He had cried over the boy when he was tasked with covering him in soil. He sobbed and sobbed, letting out the most pained sounds half the town had ever heard. He howled and cried out like an animal being shredded by wolves. 

He slept there in the dirt over the boy, refusing to leave him until the leaves covered the grave. He carved a J out of a strong branch of wood and placed it over where Julian was. 

Geralt was darker than night as he moved through the house, he would come at night and leave at dawn. Things were moved and changed, no one caring though. No one was going to question him and his grief. 

He was told Julian had given him a house in the mountains and that was the last anyone ever seen of Geralt, Servant of The Flower of Lettenhoven. Lover of the Great Count Julian Of Lettenhoven. 

No one knew where he went, assuming he had left just as he had arrived, in the darkness of night in silence. The house in the mountains had been destroyed by an avalanche years ago, no one went looking for trouble anyway.

Next Chapter ->

[xkaidaxxxx]

Oikawa x Reader

Mentions: genderbend/gay(for all who are homophobic LEAVE),fluff ending

y/m/n (your male name)

“ I will grow stronger, so strong you’ll regret rejecting me to the team. I am tired of waiting so you better get out of my way asshole. Go on and tell all your friends about it Oikawa. I hope you’ll remember this every day til we see each other one day. You’ll be sorry when we meet again. Bye.” You said to him with such rage showing in your eyes. You walked away holding your gym bag. Iwaizumi was shocked. He finally walked over to Oikawa. “ You are popular with the ladies. Didn’t know you had a bad side to it.” He said smacking his head afterward. “ This is the first time a girl has ever…hated me,” Oikawa spoke. “She sounded so angry. Radiating negative aura. Do you think she meant that?” Iwa asked grabbing his gym bag. “Yes…you should’ve seen the look on her face…She’s already haunting me.”Oikawa replied. The boys went on home. (Middle school days)

You told yourself you’d do anything to join the men’s volleyball team at karasuno High and I mean ANYTHING. You bought a binder to press down your breast, bought the male uniform. You upsized the tops, and cut your hair. You went all the way with no regrets. Everything ended up as planned. It worked too well to the point where ladies fell in love with you. You had them blushing, giggling, hearts skipping a beat. The rest of the boys on the team were jealous. When you joined the team you were in the starting line. You fit in all positions due to all the hard and intense training you had put into your love and passion for volleyball. The guys loved an all-around player. As time passed by the boys learned from the tips you gave them and directions of the coach. The day you beat Shiratorizawa was the best. When the guys carried you, the smile on your face gave your identity to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. “There’s no way she’d go that far,” Iwaizumi said. “I made her feel like she wasn’t good enough…like she was weak.

I embarrassed her in front of the team during tryouts. She did haunt me all this time. The fact that I bumped into her at the competitions and talked…and I didn’t recognize her is insane.” Oikawa replied. You proved to him you’d beat and show him how powerful you can be. He was watching you from the bleachers cheering with your teammates. YOU are going to nationals and not him. He regrets rejecting you. Maybe if he let you join you’d be cheering with him and the team. Once the ceremony was over and everyone was heading home. He managed to catch up to you. “Hey, y/n can we talk for a minute?” He asked you. You couldn’t get caught. “Huh? Dude it’s y/m/n. What’s up bro.” you said. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you back then. I shouldn’t have embarrassed you in front of everyone at tryouts…It was messed up for me. Congratulations on making it to nationals. You did haunt me every day…I do regret rejecting you…anyways I wish you all the best.” He spoke touching a strand of your hair. You still couldn’t reveal it was you. “Damn, dude you must have hurt this y/n chick bad to think she’s me or whatever.” You said fixing your jacket. “ I know it’s you y/n…you don’t have to hide it from me. The smile on your face revealed it to me. You look beautiful by the way…guy hair suits you. I promise I won’t tell anyone about your issue.” He spoke ruffling your hair. “Please don’t. I want to win at nationals. You did amazing this season. If I ever become a famous volleyball player..I plan to mention how you were one of the reasons why I pushed myself so hard. I won’t include the rude part of tryouts.” You replied. Since the hall was empty you pulled him down to your height and pecked his cheek. Oikawa blushed like an idiot. “ You know…I did have a huge crush on you during middle school and now.. Let that haunt you this time.” You said patting rubbing his shoulder. “R-really? Wow..so um..do you want to hang out dude?” He replied feeling like he was a fangirl. Your heart skipped a beat. “ As friends…or um a d-date?” You asked. The team was hearing from the corner. “ A date…I want to go on a date with you and hang out. Have fun. I swear I’ll make sure we have a great time.” He replied rubbing his neck. Toru Oikawa is shy and nervous. “ Okay. Yes, I’d love to go on a date with you!” You replied. “There’s a carnival in town and a new restaurant opened. We can wear matching outfits.” He suggested. “Yeah, that’s perfect. Let’s wear a hot pink top with white bottoms and black shoes.” You said. He knew he won’t look good in hot pink but he’s doing it for you. You know he hates colors that don’t fit his skin tone. You exchanged numbers and addresses. “ Saturday at 4pm. I’ll pick you up.” He said. You nodded and went your separate ways.

Everyone got onto the bus. “So..y/m/n..are you gay?” Tanaka asked. The bus went silent. “No.Why the weird question?” You asked. “The team heard the conversation with Oikawa.” Daichi said. Kageyama looked at you. “Come on if he likes guys it’s fine. Don’t be rude. I think y/m/n is a total badass he’s the MVP.” Kageyama defended you. You sighed. “I do like Oikawa a lot..since middle school even though he rejected me from the team and embarrassed me in front of everyone at tryouts.I am going on a date with him this Saturday.” You spoke and smiled. “You are gay. That’s cool man. We accept you.” Sugawara supported. “Guys…I’m not gay…I’ve been hiding something from you.You reached into your shirt unzipping the binder and taking it out from the collar. “What’s that? Like a muscle sports thing?” Yamaguchi asked. Kei being the only smart one understood. “I’m a girl.”you revealed. You took out pads from your bag with female clothing.You were planning to go to a family party afterward. “Woah..you’ve- wait why?”kiyoko asked. “I wanted to show Oikawa he’d regret rejecting me from the team.It hurt my feelings and the mini-ego I had at the time. I told myself I'd do anything to achieve it, so I bought the man uniform, cut my hair and wore a binder. I even spoke to the teachers and staff about the name I feel comfortable with. I trained every day with a private coach. I love volleyball.” You replied. Everyone was shocked. “I support her all the way. She’s not only my teammate but my best friend. She never gave up on me not even in middle school. She has always been there for me so if you kick her out the team now that the truth is out then I’m out as well.” Kageyama said rubbing your back. “That explains so much. Explains everything. Especially your moods every time once a month.” Sugawara said with a laugh. The guys and girls love having you on the team. Everyone agreed to keep it a secret. 

Saturday came. 

Oikawa knocked on the door. Your father answered it and invited him in. They sat in the living room. “ so you’re graduating what are your plans after school…my daughter is young. What are your intentions with her?” He asked Oikawa who was nervous and sweating. He eventually came to his senses. “Yes, I am graduating. I plan on focusing on my volleyball career and your daughter. She’s a strong and smart young lady.” He replied to him. “ I know you’re the one that had her coming home sobbing from middle school. How do you feel about that?” Your father wants to make sure Oikawa has what he’s got to date his only daughter. “She’s haunted me since that day…She did make me regret my decision. I do feel awful about it. I hurt her feelings…I was a total asshole. I shouldn’t have hurt her feelings or anyone’s feelings. I promise sir that I won’t do such a thing ever again. I will make sure she’s happy and safe. I’ll protect her.” He replied with tears forming. You heard them speaking from the stairs. You finally walked in. “ Hey, I’m ready. Why is he about to cry?” You asked your father crossing your arms. “He was just telling me how he feels about the middle school situation. I’m trusting you with my daughter. She’s a precious gem. Hurt her and I’ll make sure you won’t live to see another day. Have a nice day.” Your father replied. Oikawa was scared. His face was yellow. You left with him. “ Your dad wants what’s best for you but damn he scares me.” He said was you headed to the carnival. “ If he didn’t like you he’d wouldn’t let you in..I’ve had dates before.” You replied excited for the day. “ Really? He likes me?” He asked feeling hopeful. Even if your father didn’t like him Oikawa would still date you. Still love you and Still do anything for you. Would still fight for you.“ Say cheese!!” You said taking a selfie with oikawa. The entire day was awesome. You both enjoyed every moment together. When he dropped you off he kissed you. It was long and passionate. You both felt that strong spark. Oikawa knew you’d be with him forever. He was 100% right because you knew the same thing. 

[shoujomangathoughts]

Chihayafuru Thoughts - Chihaya and Taichi in Ch. 140-247

This is the next part of this series. I ended up writing mostly from the perspective of Chihaya and how Taichi affects her character arc so I might eventually write another that's more from Taichi's side. There's also spoilers for the entire rest of the series like the title indicates.

After Taichi leaves the club, both he and Chihaya start on new parts of their character arcs. Both have to be independent in their own way; Taichi in finding (or at least identifying) his own reasons to play and enjoyment of karuta, and Chihaya in taking care of the club (after her temporary absence) without Taichi.

Chihaya ends up being afraid of karuta after Taichi leaves, as she tells Mr. Fukusaku after emotionally requesting time off from the club. Her being afraid of karuta is a physical manifestation of her recognizing how her near hyperfixation and passion may have negative consequences, even if that was never the intention. The guilt she feels over never realizing Taichi's feelings and hurting him is intense enough that she starts to see the cards as being completely blacked out, just as he described his own view of them. Ultimately I think this is for Chihaya's benefit because in many ways her goals have changed. She doesn't only want to become queen, she wants the club to continue and thrive after she graduates and has plans to become a teacher. Finding a fine line between passion and being able to effectively communicate with others is a necessary step for Chihaya and her goals, it just so happens the catalyst was a messy situation.

While she's on her break, she eventually goes to the Shiranami Society and after playing Dr. Harada, she vows to remember how "cold and heavy" the cards were and "how painful it all was". I think at this point it's apparent that Chihaya wants to grow in her ability to reach people. There's a couple instances toward the beginning of the series when the Mizusawa members tell her they're fine with her somewhat overbearing nature and airheadedness because those are just parts of her personality. However, now this seems to be something Chihaya herself wants to change, which again makes sense because her goals have expanded and changed. She wants to make sure that she is trying to learn and grow from the situation with Taichi. The placement of a conversation about her future with a teacher (a few chapters earlier) that includes Chihaya being questioned on if she understands how hard it can be to deal with others seems to foreshadow where her character arc will go after Taichi leaves (and also seems to rub salt in her wounds because it's right after he leaves).

At first, when Chihaya tries to lead and encourage the team, it doesn't go well because she doesn't really have the tools to effectively do it. She just wins quickly as per usual, and instead of improving the team's morale, it instead puts some pressure on them to live up to her skill level and makes her feel distant and isolated. After realizing this, she starts to mimic the way Taichi led them, using the very same words that once supported her and playing alongside them, "like Taichi would". I also believe part of the reason she does this is to make it feel like he's still being included; even though he quit, she and the rest of the members (the ones who knew him at least) believe he will always be a part of the team. I think this is why she essentially says that she'll wait as long as it takes for him to come back. She's accepted that he most likely won't play another match with them as a team, but they'll always be connected and she hopes that he'll return.

Retro plays Chihaya in the Mizusawa vs Hokuo match and tells her that she's cold because she "doesn't notice players below her". Despite him taking it back and saying her aiming for people who are 'strong but alone' isn't wrong, between his words and the words of the announcer talking about what makes a strong leader, it's clear that Chihaya agrees with the fact that she's "cold". She thinks of Taichi upon hearing the announcer's words and realizes that she didn't notice (or acknowledge enough) the qualities that he brought and how essential he was to the team's emotional strength. She thinks of him often in this part of the manga and seems to be noticing more and more the things that made Taichi, Taichi and how she often may have taken him for granted because he had simply always been there.

She continues to incorporate things that Taichi used to do when leading the team at nationals, telling Arata she "can feel his presence". When playing against Arata's team, she's so focused on her team that for most of the match she doesn't realize she's playing against Arata, the first time they've played since they were kids. She continues wearing Taichi's headband even after attributing her bad luck in the previous match to it, seeming to indicate she's emotionally supported by his presence and wants to include him. It's only when the dead 'Chiha' is read and she notices Taichi that her unbelievable concentration is broken and she realizes it's Arata she's playing. Taichi more or less lit up the room for her (sorry to be cheesy). After the match, Mizusawa members point out that it's the first time Chihaya immediately falls asleep after playing, as if Taichi simply there is enough for her to relax a bit.

Beyond the fact that she was able to support the team, another moment where I feel like is proof of Chihaya's growth is when she goes after Porky after he loses to Arata in the Class A matches. It's a small interaction, but nice to see. She doesn't say much at first and seems to wait to see if he even wants to talk, and after he starts getting down on himself, she makes sure he hears exactly what her thoughts on his contributions are. She no longer gets mesmerized by players like Arata and Shinobu to the point that she forgets about her teammates until someone gets or updates her. She is now able to be there for her team and uplift them, making sure she actually tells them about how she values them and the work they've put in together. I'd also argue that her going to "answer" Arata is also proof of her realizing that hearing anything in regards to how she feels is better than nothing, something she probably learned from her inability to properly communicate with Taichi.

After the high school tournament, Chihaya does an extensive cleaning of the club room before she retires and is joined by Taichi, his first time back to that room since resigning. This chapter in general is one of my favorites (Desktomu's lines about their time being a treasure he never expected to have always gets me) but this is the first chapter where Taichi and Chihaya's relationship is seen after everything went down. In the club room, there's some awkwardness and it's clear Chihaya isn't quite sure what to say, and Taichi seems to have been trying to say something before being interrupted by the band students. Whether it was an apology or a "don't worry about me" in regards to her being cautious because of his feelings toward her, or something else entirely we don't know, but it seems obvious their relationship may be different moving forward.

When they're at karaoke in the same chapter, Chihaya seems more conscious of Taichi. Her reaction to him genuinely having fun is sweet because I feel as though Chihaya may have been worried that she may never see that side of Taichi again (and another instance of him seeming to light up the room to her). Him helping clean and hanging out with the club members also seems to prove to Chihaya that he valued the time he spent with all of them, even if at one point they were a source of pain. The panels of Chihaya and Taichi back to back signify a couple things to me. They're facing opposite directions, a visual to show how their lives have taken them in different directions; they are no longer on the team together, practicing together, spending as much time together, etc. and yet they still support each other. Sudo even points out later that even though they're not how they once were, they were still inevitably connected to each other.

Chihaya also makes sure to thank Taichi after they watch the tv special and Taichi is able to articulate to Chihaya's mom why now is a good time for Chihaya to attempt becoming queen even though it causes friction with college entrance exams. Based on all the times she thought of Taichi after he left and her realizations of how much he did for her and the team, I feel as though her reiterating "Really, Taichi. Thank you." is more all-encompassing than just her gratitude for helping her mom understand.

After this, we finally get to the part where Taichi comes back to playing karuta outside of his practice with Suou. This excites Chihaya and she is conscious of him many times in both the qualifiers and his matches with Arata to become the challenger ("Chiha helped Taichi? I'm so glad.", "It's fine as long as Taichi can take cards.", "Taichi's eyes told me to not let anyone take the s-sound cards."). It reminds her of the time they played on a team and supported each other and how hard they worked together (she cries when she sees that Taichi wore his Mizusawa shirt when he became the eastern rep). When Taichi loses to Arata, Kana looks at Chihaya and notes she was crying "bitter tears". Some people interpret this as Chihaya hoping Taichi would defeat Arata, even if only subconsciously. While possible, I've always though of it as being specifically because Taichi lost. They've worked hard together over the years, she recently thought that she'd lost her connection to him, and now while she continues on the path to accomplish her dream, she has to leave him behind (at least for this year). It also connects to Harada's line that "the three will become one and two by the end of the day" and now that Chihaya sees that, she can't help but cry. Again, I'm not sure I see it as her secretly hoping Arata would lose, but realizing that Taichi won't be going further with them this year and that breaking her heart.

Once the challenger matches are decided, Taichi and Chihaya don't see each much face to face. The last time we're shown that they do before the queen matches is when they give Taichi a futon for a night. Kana asks Taichi about his feelings for Chihaya and his response is that they may gradually fade. Initially, it's not known whether or not she heard this, but we'll circle back to that. When Chihaya visits a shrine for New Year's, she thinks about what she should ask her friends in regard to preparation for the queen match. When she gets to Taichi, she's at a loss for words and/or we as the audience don't see what answer she comes to. I've seen people say she may have just wanted to ask him to come and support, which based on other events doesn't sound all that unlikely in my opinion. The biggest reason I say this is the scene when she sees Taichi under the Omi Jingu shrine, smiling and praying. He's not actually there, but it does seem like she really wants him to be there. Right after this she thinks of the club praying there in their first year, but it's worth noting she specifically saw only Taichi, smiling in a very similar way as when she told her to become the strongest in the world when she became the challenger (also remember how badly she wanted him to smile previously?).

At the queen match itself, there are many times when she feels Taichi's support, directly and indirectly. Unbeknownst to her, he helped Chitose get her bag to her and his conversation with her seems to be a factor in her watching the matches at the end. Arata also resorts to essentially acting as Taichi to help motivate Chihaya, which to me is an acknowledgement on Arata's part that while he saw her take her first card and played her at her highest concentration, he hasn't been the one directly supporting her all this time (but some may not like that interpretation lol). She also gets flustered upon hearing Taichi texted Arata only to rush back for her phone and feel disappointed she didn’t get one.

I also find it symbolic that Taichi is somehow attached to all three of her victories over Shinobu. Chihaya wins her first game with the 'Tare' card, one that she attaches to him because it was the poem being read in her headphones when Taichi found her in high school. The second win was taken after she realizes "Taichi has always been here", and fully acknowledges all the support she's felt from him, both in the time he directly supported her and the team as well as the indirect support in the lessons and pieces of advice he'd given her. The first time he walks in (during the fourth match), we see Chihaya remember Taichi's line to Kana about the possibility of his feelings eventually fading. This has always intrigued me (at first I didn't even know she'd heard that) because it seems to bother her or make her anxious, meaning she may subconsciously not want them to fade; she seems to be figuring out her own feelings. Afterward, she recalls the vision of him at the shrine, as if him now being there in person answered her own prayer.

The third win is taken when the 'Tachi' card, Taichi's namesake card, is read. She specifically kept this card and once again very noticeably acknowledges his presence when he comes to watch (like I said, he seems to light up the room). After she wins and wakes up, she immediately notices his absence and celebrates after hearing that he's going to continue playing, with his eyes set on becoming Meijin.

Finally, on their graduation day, she once again becomes a bit anxious after hearing that Taichi's plans for college are different that she assumed. When Desktomu uses the phrase "you're just his friend", she seems bothered and has a moment of realization that reminds me of the moment she truly realized Taichi loved her (the panel is from the extra pages in the final volume I believe, placed with flashbacks from throughout the series). Several moments come to her mind, as if asking herself why she wanted him to smile so desperately, why she felt so comforted and supported by his presence, and why she wanted him to be there so bad that she had a vision of him under such a symbolic place. It's then that she seems to fully comprehend that she would in fact interpret her feelings toward him as being romantic (the distorted effect over her in the panel is what reminds me of the moment from Taichi’s confession), and realizes she wants to tell him that. When she talks to him and is assured that they'll see each other again as long as they keep playing, Chihaya's reaction seems to say "that isn't enough anymore". Chihaya's confession is really well done in my opinion, and it uses parts of her character growth well; she's making sure her thoughts and feelings are conveyed properly (in this case even more so considering she heard Taichi say that his feelings may gradually fade).

Another long one and I feel like I didn't even say all I planned to, but thanks for reading if you got to the end!

[bitch-spectrum]

!!YOU ASKED FOR THEM!!

This post hit 5 likes so, headcanons.

PART 1/3

I'm not doing every single character, just the ones that felt plot important to me. These are (mostly) based on pacifist/true ending.

!!!OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS!!!

Ace

Personality Headcanons: He used to be a hardcore gambling addict as a way to cope with his post-war stress. He was also probably a heavy drinker. Both of these things he's had a solid recovery from since joining TF4. Starlo probably found him down on his luck and in a lot of debt. He still drinks and gambles, just not nearly as much as he used to. He's probably somewhere in his mid 30s ~34-37. He's the last person you want to play casual poker with though. He always wins. He's also pretty good at throwing darts but doesn't bother with it as much as card games. Physical Headcanons: He's left handed. ~5'09". He has to walk with a cane sometime from a childhood accident that never fully healed due to the lack of medical access in the underground. Because of that too he doesn't know exactly what his condition is either. He just knows some days his knee hurts and some days it doesn't. Gender: Trans Male Pronouns: He/Him Orientation: Demisexual Demiromantic but just says he's aroace for simplicity. Post Game: Life continues on as it was going for him without much drastic change. Opinions: I really love his design, I just wish we got more of him. 3/5.

Axis Personality Headcanons: He doesn't need to eat but will feel left out if you eat without him. Chujin would always have lunch with him at the lab while he still worked there. Axis would try to mimic eating sounds to feel included. Like imagine robot voice going "Om nom nom." Thats sort of what he did. While locked away in the abandoned lab he started to grow really fond of bugs and mice. Physical Headcanons: I don't have many other than Chujin based his design after a drawing Kanako did. Somewhere around the high end of 4ft. Gender: He doesn't have the RAM for a gender. Pronouns: He/It Orientation: Asexual Panromantic. He loves his trash girlfriend. Post Game: He got married to the girlfriend Clover and Ceroba made for him. Neither of them personally wanted kids so they made a trash dog out of spare parts. Eventually Axis ran out of battery and or was too damaged from sitting inactive for so long that he broke down. He was thankful that his trash gf and trash dog didn't leave his side in his final moments. Somewhere in the abandoned lab, he's sitting, holding her hand with their dog at his feet. They'll probably stay like that, undisturbed, for a long time. Opinions: He's a really cute character. I sort of wish we had more time with him instead of seeing him as a late game enemy. Very silly. 3/5.

Ceroba (I'm going to get turned into a sandwich for this) Personality Headcanons: She smokes out of a cigarette holder. One of the really long ones. She only started smoking after Chujin died. She has a lot of baggage she tends to just push away and not ever address even when it affects her and others around her negatively. She has a really strong victim complex and while yeah, she hasn't exactly been dealt the best hand, she also tends to make things worse for herself on purpose to get sympathy from other people, as to why she picked up smoking after Chujin died. She used to be a model but quit modelling when Chujin was dying. After her husband passed she tended to be neglectful of Kanako until she found her in Chujin's home lab and the rest is history. She tends to take advantage of people's generosity, especially Starlo's, she's always been like this but the habit only got worse over time. She does genuinely feel like she has nothing despite having friends because she believes her own shallow feelings towards her friends are mutual when that isn't the case. She's in her early 40s ~40-43. Physical Headcanons: She has a mombod (more body fat in her lower half, flatter chest, smaller arms but wider legs) and she can work with it. I know she canonically wears a bow in her hair but I like to interpret it as a bandana. Her hair is usually messy. Even if she doesn't have the energy to get well dressed or style her hair she ALWAYS puts on eyeliner and makes it look sleek and demanding so everyone knows she's not someone they want to fuck with, with just a single glare. She's ~ 6'02". Gender: Cis Female Pronouns: She/Her Orientation: Bisexual. Was always kind of curious about polyamory but never enough to have a talk with her husband about it. Post Game: Asgore was really thankful that she had collected a human soul and gave her all the credit, which she happily took. Martlet and Starlo didn't want that on their names. She had a short lived fame once again during which she seemed to be doing better, thankful to be back in the spotlight, even if it was a small one. But after a falling out with her long time best friend she began to live as a recluse, rarely stepping out of her home. Opinions: I do NOT like her and I find it really hard to sympathize with her character. Her writing? Solid. I like that I don't like her. I liked that when I was watching a playthrough I was screaming at my TV because I actually kind of hate her. I actually think she was an excellent twist villain. I ADORED her character at first like "YES!! Country gal's kick ass! She's a bad bitch." But yeah uh... after finding out what she did to both her child and then did the same thing to Clover I kind of lost my love for her. Which is fine because the twist was good and when I looked back there was a lot of foreshadowing. 5/5. Fantastic writing.

Chujin Personality Headcanons: Had some kind of anxiety disorder. Probably also OCD. He HATED humans with a burning passion. Like to a dangerous degree. He used to go on rambles about how angry humanity made him to Ceroba but one time one of his angry rambles frightened Kanako because she thought they were fighting. So, he stopped talking about it when she was home. He wanted to do everything in his power to protect his daughter. He'd be turning in his grave if he found out what Ceroba did to their daughter. He had several of her drawings/paintings/crafts in his cubicle. He passed away ~35-36. Physical Headcanons: I don't have many. Short king. Probably like ~5'03". Gender: Said male on legal forms but had a whole gender crisis he never got to figure out due to passing away before he could find a comfortable label. Pronouns: He/Him but was experimenting with they/them. Orientation: Bisexual Post Game: N/A Opinions: GOOD background character. I don't agree with a lot of his methods but that's fine. He was written so well I actually felt able to peer into his life through the limited scenes we got with him. 5/5.

Clover (HELP TUMBLR GOT RID OF YELLOW TEXT???) Personality Headcanons: Had a neglectful mother and a father who was probably abusive in multiple ways. They either lived in a trailer or a small mobile home. They're from the southern USA. They have an obsession with Old Westerns (from ~50s-70s) and Detective shows (from the 90s). When they decided to go looking for the missing kids they couldn't decide if they wanted to be a cowboy and go into the underground shoot-em-up style or go dressed up like a detective and be all cool and casual about collecting evidence. They decided to be both and call it being "A Cowtective." They're around the age of ~9-12. At home they would usually sleep on the couch. If their father was drunk and passed out on the couch they'd just sleep on the floor because they weren't allowed in their parent's room. They probably say "fuck" a lot. Starlo was trying to get them to cut back on swearing. Probably either a December Capricorn or a September Libra. Physical Headcanons: Freckles. Brown eyes. Gapped teeth. ~5". Tends to pick scabs so they have a few small scars here and there from relentless picking. Gender: Nonbinary Pronouns: They/She Orientation: Lesbian, but probably would have eventually picked a different label if they had the chance to grow up. Post Game: N/A Opinions: I actually really like that Clover has both personality but is also vague enough for the player to put themself in their boots. This is what really makes for a terrific silent main character. I would have liked to get to know Clover a little bit more tbh. 4/5.

Dalv Personality Headcanons: I don't actually have much on Dalv. He probably likes Funyuns and watching true crime. Probably in his 20s. He's about the same age Kanako would be if she grew up. Maybe a little older but not by much. Physical Headcanons: I like drawing him with completely black eyes. I don't see it a lot but I like it. ~5'08" Gender: Don't Have One Pronouns: Don't Have One Orientation: Multisexual of some sort Post Game: At some point somehow, word probably got to him about what happened to his friend that vanished (I'm with the theory squad that says his friend was Kanako). He get's REALLY pissed off at Ceroba and cuts ties. He doesn't really leave Snowdin much but it's fine because, carrying the memories of Clover, he makes a lot of new friends and even becomes pretty popular in the small town. RAREPAIR: He starts going out with Martlet. Opinions: To me he felt kind of lack luster. And as the first plot-important character we meet in the game, he didn't really rope me in. He felt kind of like a last minute decision. I dropped the game a few months ago because I didn't feel pulled in until I finished it this May. However, his name is vlad backwards which gets points. 2/5 Keed Vampeer.

Part 2 ,, Part 3

[outofangband]

Updated and Elaborated Eating Habits of the Valar

So the Ainur don’t have to eat or drink like incarnates do (and how exactly this works for the elves is perhaps up for debate) so here are my thoughts on how eating and drinking work for each of the Valar

I also headcanon that the Ainur can receive nourishment from non food and drink, usually through contact with elements of their domains. It is lack of this that can cause weakness and tiredness. 

It's also important to note that not all of the Valar consume food in traditional ways, depending on their physical form at the time.

When I make my second post about the nature of the Maiar (first one here) I’ll go into their eating habits too!

Manwë when taking a physical form will sometimes eat certain fruits or special pastries out of curiosity. He will also always eat what is served to him when elves hold festivals or ceremonies that he attends. He is energized by open air and winds. 

 Varda doesn’t eat or drink. She rarely holds a purely physical form. Even when she appears vaguely humanoid shaped, her body is made up of mists and vapors rather than flesh and blood. She is energized by stars and by natural sources of light. 

Aulë is intrigued by food on a technical level. He has stolen Fëanor’s lunch more than once out of curiosity. He doesn’t enjoy the sensations of it as much as some of the others but he is fascinated by the concept of it and by culinary arts. He is energized by the earth and its materials as well as fire.

Yavanna generally doesn’t although sometimes she will get offerings of fruit based things that she will eat! She receives energy through the natural world and growing things. She has more knowledge of energy and food than most of her kin even if she doesn’t often partake in it

Vána doesn’t usually eat either though she does it somewhat more than Yavanna. She especially likes the sweet nectar drinks of the elves. Like Yavanna, growing things can nourish her as can cycles of life and spring. 

 Oromë eats with the Maiar and elves he hunts with and at ceremonies.

Nessa and Tulkas both enjoy eating at events and ceremonies but it doesn’t really occur to either of them to eat otherwise.

Nessa, Tulkas and Oromë receive nourishment from open spaces and freedom, physical activity and movement, and even strong emotions. 

 I mentioned this in my domains of the Valar entry for him but Námo almost never eats or drinks. Occasionally he will have a sip of a ceremonial wine on very special occasions. But in general his head is veiled, surrounded by mists and what parts of it are actually there isn’t always clear

Vairë consumes even less than her husband. She’s never been known to eat or drink anything elves would recognize as food. 

Nienna is the same. She does not eat or drink even when her Maiar occasionally will on ceremonial occasions.

The Fëanturi and their spouses receive nourishment and energy from their domains and realms. Their forms tend to be utilitarian for their duties.

 Estë drinks nectar and fruit based tonics on occasion but doesn’t eat. 

Irmo is similar in this however he will sometimes sample foods at festivals! Of all the Fëanturi he is most able to leave his realm (through physical body or through visions or dreams). 

Ulmo loves attending human and elven feasts including occasionally incognito. He’s fascinated too by the food they serve. He is energized by the ocean, water and rain. 

Melkor considers eating beneath him and even after becoming locked in a physical form only does so rarely and usually for show, at ‘feasts’ in Angband and such. I headcanon that while he requires more rest and perhaps even sleep during his time trapped in a physical form, he still does not actually require nourishment in the typical sense. I’ve made lots of posts about food in Angband (and I’m planning on more!) but Melkor, while not requiring food himself, is absolutely part, at least occasionally, of the various food related cruelties and taunts. He knows perfectly well the need for nourishment among the incarnates and enjoys using anything that distinguishes them from the Ainur, especially after being trapped in one form

[lunaekalenda]

Hi An I hope you’re doing well and I’ve been feeling hurt, sad, depressed, and wished I could disappear due to losing my new job after two weeks and no longer want to find work anymore especially with the repeated rejections in the past year. Can I request a hurt/comfort/fluff one-shot of Eren x Fem!Reader where Y/N shuts herself in hers and Erens dark shared bedroom with the door locked sobbing uncontrollably in bed wrapped in a blanket covering her figure and head/face and wishing she could be erased from the world after repeated rejections from getting a job she wanted. Then, Eren tries to get Y/N to open the door and begging her to let him in despite her refusal causing him to worry more for her safety, well-being, and making sure she’s not hurting herself until Eren finds a spare key in his pocket to let himself in before he stripped out of his clothes and underwear before climbing into bed to comfort Y/N and cradle her in his naked body. As Eren lifted a part of the blanket off Y/Ns face, he tearfully begs Y/N not to harm herself, how he doesn’t want to be alone without her, and reminds her how much he loves her especially reassuring her there are places for her where she can work before showering her with kisses and rocking her to help her feel better. Finally after Eren calms Y/N down, he laid Y/n down on his bare chest and tells her that even if she was let go, there’s still hope she’ll find work again and he doesn’t want her to kill herself before comforting her with her favorite lullaby to help her rest? Thank you -🌼

hey!! i'm sorry you're going such tough times, and i hope it gets better for you soon! i'm sure you'll be able to recover and keep going, and you're strong to do so! never lose hope, i'm sure a lot of people (including me) are cheering for you!! you're very loved and very much capable and talented! i hope this helps even a little bit <3

warnings: non-sexual nudity, mentions of self harm, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, panic attack. be careful with reading the first paragraphs, as they have strong self-consciousness and negative thoughts that could affect anyone on a crisis. if you wanna read the comfort directly, jump to the red dot.

Your house was silent. Maybe that was the trigger.

Eren had the blinds down, as he usually does when he leaves, and the darkness of the room made you sadder. Alone, silent and dark. Your home was exactly how you felt. You really wanted that job, and still, you were unable to get it. Taking the big grey blanket that Eren bought for you some time ago, and getting changed into your sleeping clothes, you let your fluffy bed hug your body sweetly, covered by the soft fabric, but still it wasn't enough. You still felt the cold on the inside.

You felt how the rejection took root on your heart, and a tree of thoughts started to grow from it. What if you were not enough? If they didn't see you capable? If they didn't trust your works? If they didn't like you? Is anybody going to accept you anywhere?

You take the blanket above your head, covering your shining cheeks, where tears run down quickly. Getting rejected more than once isn't easy to assimilate. Your head hurts from crying and you close your eyes. The world feels way too heavy for you right now, and you wish that burden was taken off your shoulders. You don't know how many time you've been crying, and you don't know when you fell asleep during it.

.

You hear knocks, followed by your name, in Eren's voice. He knocks again, but you don't feel strong enough to stand up and open the door. Your muscles feel tired and your head feels dizzy. Your eyes start to close again, but your hear a key against the door, Eren's steps inside the room, the light from the corridor filling the bedroom. Eren walks quickly towards you, kneeling by your side. He takes a bit of the blanket away, checking your face. Your eyes are swollen from crying and they search his slowly. He smiles softly when your eyes meet his.

"What happened, love?" he asks in low voice, no more than a whisper. You take your body to your side of the bed, and he understands what you mean. Undressing quickly, Eren takes the blanket and slides next to you, taking your body on a hug, his warm skin calming your muscles. You sigh against his body. His hands run over your thighs, your arms ad your back. He caresses you as he lets you speak.

"I got rejected for that work. Again." just remembering it makes you feel miserable again, but you feel his lips pressed on top of your head. His hug gets tighter as his caresses are still sweet on your skin. "I don't know what fails... I have a nice portfolio, I have nice reviews from my past jobs, I always try to answer correctly at all the interview questions for what? To get rejected again and again and again and cry and see someone get the job I've been fighting so hard for." Tears are unstoppable again when he kisses your head again.

"Love. If they didn't get you, it's not your fault. You're incredible, and all your past bosses say the same about you. I'm sure there are a hundred jobs made for you. I know you really wanted this job, but they're the ones losing. Show them who you are. Make them search you. Make them beg you to join. Andm, if that isn't the case, I'm sure you'll enjoy your new work so much you wont' have time to think about the one that rejected you." he takes a tear away with his thumb, feeling how your erratic breath starts to follow his, and he sighs. "You're amazing, and no one, specially an interviewer. should tell you otherwise."

Then, he takes his time to kiss every one of your tears until they stop falling, to rock your body slowly until your breath calms down, to hear every single one of your thoughts and reassure you that there's a lot of people who loves you, who enjoy being by your side, and who feel lucky to have you in their lives.

"And I'm the first one of that list." he whispers. "I don't know where I would be without you, and I'm sure I wouldn't be the man I am today without you. That's your magic. You make people better. You make people happy, loved, cherished. And you should get the same back."

Your eyes feel quite heavy from all the tiredness of crying, and you let your body meet his, more comfortable and more warm. You whisper against his chest. "Thank you. For everything."

As a response, he sings your favorite lullaby for you, keeping the rhythm with soft caresses on your back, until you feel asleep on his arms.

[moodymisty]

✨Favorite body part✨

Authors note: Send help the brain worms are back

Relationships: Hunter/Fem!Reader, Tech/Fem!Reader, Echo/Fem!Reader, Wrecker/Fem!Reader, Crosshair/Fem!Reader

Warnings: Slightly lewd? but barely, just being very safe 18+ only please

✦ Hunter ✦

Hunter would take this thought to his grave, but there are few things he loves more than feeling your head in his hand, leaning against it as he presses his face into your neck.

It plays into his extreme sense of smell; The smell of your skin, your hair. Or the feeling of your skin against his own, only moving when you start complaining that the stubble on his jaw tickles- though you make no effort to move other than grabbing onto the seams of his armor.

✦ Wrecker ✦

Wrecker loves all of you! He really does, and if you ever asked him, he could list off no less than five different parts of your body he adored, before going off on how 'that stuff doesn't matter'; Even if you'd just been teasing.

But if he had a blaster to his head and he just had to pick; Your arms and shoulders. Shortly after you'd first met him as a joke you'd wrapped your arms around his neck while he was bent over, and refused to let go as he stood up and your legs started to dangle in the air.

You were cracking up as he jokingly tried to throw you off his back, racing around the hangar bay even as others looked on confused at the scene.

You were strong for your size, but also gentle; Able to give him the softest hugs or hold onto his arm. they're so soft, smooth, and always roll forward when you scrunch up all excited about something. It's less the body part itself; And more the fun, loving things they bring.

✦ Tech ✦

Tech doesn't have a favorite, he'd say when you asked with the same null, almost uninterested tone.

You jokingly roll your eyes and walk off, unsatisfied he didn't get why you were asking. In doing so however, you accidentally show him what he knew was the real answer.

Your legs; And by extension your hips. He's almost surprised no one had caught him gawking yet, as despite scolding any of the others for putting their boots on the control panel of the Marauder; You were silently allowed to get away with it.

Tech also enjoys those rare moments when you two alone in the cockpit, and everyone else is either asleep or gone. You'll lay your thighs across his, helping him work or just watching.

Every now and again he'll lay a hand down on your leg and sit it there for a moment, resting before returning to his work.

✦ Crosshair ✦

Crosshair eats up the way your eyes tell him anything he wants to know.

They hide nothing; You don't try to. The way they squint when you're angry, widen when you're surprised; Become hooded when he softly touches you, or dart away if he's said something you can't find a good response to.

Your eyes weren't trained to hide every single emotion like his were, and instead show him everything. Including how much he means to you, even if that trips him up.

✦ Echo ✦

Echo loves your hands, the way they wrap around his. Or the way they drift over his body, unafraid of scars or metal as you tenderly touch him.

They were always so soft compared to his own, able to touch any part of him light as a feather and still leave trails of wonderful fire underneath his skin.

But he swears to himself he'll never grow complacent of the way you always reach to grab his own hand, seeking touch to make sure he's still there. It's a gesture than means more to him than you'll probably ever know.

✦ Rex ✦

Bonus! (more like excuse to be a Rex simp)

Rex remembers both fondly (and embarrassingly) a time when he'd had a few hours of shore leave on Coruscant, and had decided to take you out on a date. The last one hadn't gone well- at least in his eyes, granted he only had holodramas for reference- even if you'd found it a hoot of a night. (He'd just wanted a quiet dinner night, but Jesse had formed up the 'wingman squad' behind his back...)

So eager to please he'd arrived fully charged after a rare decent nights sleep, only to almost trip over his own feet as he saw you approach him.

You were wearing something that pinched your waist into a tight hourglass shape, walking towards him and waving.

Honestly Rex was gone the moment he'd seen you, but he somehow managed to spend the rest of the evening on autopilot, before rushing back to your place with you like a man possessed.