#CS Video Classes

[purplefinatic]

you listen to me now boy. fuck midterms. fuck finals. what you do is grind out homework assignments and mini quizzes and projects and you get those minty fresh and you show up to class as often as possible and take notes even if you can't bring yourself to look at them later it'll help you to remember shit more if you write it down. unless you're in a Weirdo Class that only has a midterm and a final or if that shit's like 80% of your grade or whatever you can almost certainly be sure you can pass with a low grade and still have a b in the class these websites (2 of them) are your best friend when it comes to trying to figure how hard you have to study for finals and chances are you've been tryharding finals that you only needed like a 61% on

[thebirdandhersong]

Just started TLJ for fun because it was a Long Day and I wanted some form of distraction that didn't involve the current Ghost Crew kinda high stakes episode I was halfway through and I must say..... this is so strange to me

[worldlxvlys]

Omg could you do a Matt version of the tiktok au thing you just made for Chris PLEASE IM BEGGING

TIK TOK

matt sturniolo x reader

warnings: cursing, sexual jokes

a/n: since y’all liked the chris one so much, here’s the matt version !!

*click yes to actually watch the edits*

WATCH VIDEO ?

yes. no.

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

it’s me guys, i’m people 🤭

@lustfulslxt

the things i’d let that man do to me

-> @ y/n the things i’ve let that man do to me

-> @sleepysturnss OH ????

-> @sturncakez care to share w the class 🤨

@sophssturn

MATT + CARNIVAL IS SO 😫

-> @xoxo4chrisss I’M SAYINGGG

@ y/n

is it crazy to say that i moaned at this edit ??

-> @mattsneezing yes (same)

-> @mbbsgf it’s ok i moan every time i see matt 😋

-> @mattslolita i’ve found my people 🥰

@chr1sgirl4life

i’m a chris girl, i’m a chris girl, i’m a chris girl

-> @ y/n that wasn’t very convincing girl

-> @venusxsturnio it’s ok to love them both

-> @ y/n ok katherine pierce 😍

WATCH VIDEO ??

yes. no.

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

my eyes just rolled into the back of my head

-> @ mattsturniolo proof ? 👀

-> @freshloveee oh my !

-> @queen161718 MATT 😭

-> @starsturniolo i feel like i’m interrupting

@ y/n

THE RINGS THE RINGS THE RINGS I’M GONNA PASS OUT OH MY GOD

-> @ mattsturniolo this is why i wear them

-> @defnotayonna awww how sweet

-> @ y/n no not sweet he’s trying to kill me 😫

@robins-scoop

i’m in love with matt’s fits

-> @smoothies-are-cool i’m in love with matt’s face

-> @55sturn i’m in love with matt’s tats

-> @ y/n i’m in love with matt

-> @urmom2bitch i’ll be sleeping on the side of the highway tn !

@ y/n

this song is actually me @ matt

-> @sturniolowhore this song is actually me @ u

-> @hearts4chriss nah real cs chris is my man but matt ???? good lord 😮‍💨 (don’t tell chris)

-> @ y/n ok i won’t girl !! (@ christophersturniolo)

-> @ christophersturniolo this is why i have commitment issues 😕

WATCH VIDEO?

yes. no.

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

the amount of times i’ve made matt do push-ups in front of me bc of that one clip 😫

-> @bernardenjoyer girl next time record it tf ??

-> @ y/n who says i didn’t ????

-> @readerakayourname sharing is caring babe

-> @nikolastrn gatekeeping isn’t nice

-> @ y/n i fear i’m just not ready to share yet

@breeloveschris

my man is just so 😫

-> @ y/n aren’t you a nate girl ?? worry about him 😒

-> @rootbeerworshiper exactly like stay away from MY man tf

-> @ y/n nah girl nice try tho

-> @luverboychris my man’s brother looks so good here

-> @ y/n yesss there we go, chris is all yours bae

-> @ christophersturniolo DID YOU JUST GIVE ME AWAY ??? 😟

-> @ y/n uh….no 😄

WATCH VIDEO ??

yes. no.

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

GOD DAMN MY MAN IS FIIINNEEEE 😫

@ nicolassturniolo the way i just watched y/n fall to the floor while watching this

-> @endereies SHE’S SO REAL FOR THIS

-> @raysmayhem-72 she’s me, i’m her

-> @ christophersturniolo YOU EVER MAKE A BITTY HIT HER KNEESSSS

-> @ y/n chris stfu hoe you literally fell to the floor too

-> @ christophersturniolo CAUSE YOU PUSHED ME ??

-> @patscorner stop fighting guys, can’t we all just get along ??

-> @ y/n tell chris to stop and i will

-> @bernardsbendystraws nah keep fighting y’all, this is my chance to snatch matt up from y/n

-> @bueckerssturns you go, i’ll keep her distracted

-> @ y/n Y’ALL KNOW I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS RIGHT 😭

-> @junnniiieee07 you’re dreaming rn none of this is even happening

-> @ y/n NOT YOU TRYING TO GASLIGHT ME

-> @ christophersturniolo gaslighting isn’t real you’re just crazy

-> @ y/n i swear to god chris

WATCH VIDEO ??

yes. no.

COMMENTS:

@ y/n

i’m on my knees for this man

-> @ mattsturniolo aren’t you always ??

-> @teapartyprincess4two the way my jaw DROPPED

-> @imwetforyourmom OH MY GOD ???

-> @chrisloyalgf god, it’s me again 😔

@ christophersturniolo

just watched y/n add this to her matt folder of over 3k edits 😍

-> @ y/n the next time you ask me for a ride i’m letting your ass walk

-> @yamamasjumpercables WHY DID CHRIS EXPOSE HER LIKE THAT 😭

-> @vanteguccir this is what i mean when i say me and y/n would be best friends

-> @selenascorner me and y/n might actually be the same person

@ y/n

chris over here acting like he doesn’t have a matt folder of his own…

-> @ christophersturniolo i’m done with this app for the day 😒

-> @chrisstopherfilmed chris just got ate tf up

-> @bbglmfao she clocked him quick too

@evieolo

watching chris and y/n beef in the comments under matt edits is the highlight of my day

-> @l0ser43v3r they’re always exposing each other 😭

-> @ineedchriscock matt is always lurking and just watches it

-> @ y/n he thrives off of watching the chaos

-> @ mattsturniolo you’re not wrong

CREDITS:

@ m6ttfilms on tiktok

@ hcrrysgf on tiktok

@ stvrnielo on tiktok

@ skyesturniolo on tiktok

@ .sturniolocentral on tiktok

masterlist

[ms-demeanor]

*screaming*

*continued screaming*

Okay. So. My introductory Visual C# class.

The professor for that class was Alice. Alice was the person who spoke in the introductory video and the person who we were supposed to email if we had any issues.

But all of the assignments, lectures, and quizzes were written and delivered by Bob. On the youtube channel "Bob's programming academy." The quizzes included Bob's name, like "if you do X will it return the string ProfessorBob, Professor, Bob, or Professor.Bob?"

This class was really frustrating for me because it was structured in such a way that you could easily pass the class with zero knowledge of the subject - it was totally based on quizzes that you could take an unlimited number of times and we *had* weekly programming assignments but they weren't graded so there was no incentive to do them (and look, if I wanted to teach myself programming with no incentives I could fail for several years to do that on my own, I don't need to pay fifty bucks a unit for that; the reason I am in a *class* and am not self-taught is because I need external motivation. That's why I sought out a class).

Also when there *was* a problem with an instruction that was unclear in one of the videos for the assignments, or if I thought I'd done something correctly that was very much incorrect, it wasn't Alice who had created the instructions, it was Bob - in 2017 no less - and I didn't really feel like I could ask Alice for help with an ungraded assignment that she hadn't written.

So. Now. My Python class.

Today is the first day of class. Professor is Charles.

I go to the mandatory attendance quiz and it is word-for-word the same mandatory attendance quiz as the C# class, down to the final question "what is your personal email address so I can keep in contact with you after the semester?"

I look at the syllabus.

Class grade is based on quizzes. We have assignments but none of them are graded. There's no textbook, just a series of videos from Professor Bob's Programming Academy.

So I'd been toying with staying at this school and trying to take more CS classes instead of going to another school, just to try to keep my records easier to manage, but since it seems like that *ENTIRE DEPARTMENT* is five Professor Bobs in a trenchcoat, I will probably be going somewhere else (and once again trying to force myself to do projects that I already know are *good for me to do* but *useless for the class and a massive time suck*)

I should drop this class. I should drop this class and apply for the other school so that I can start taking classes there in the spring because if I take this class and then go into the object oriented programming class in the spring and it's another professor bob sock puppet and I end up taking twelve units of programming classes where all I learn is how to google answers in a short time frame (something I already know how to do thanks) I am going to fucking lose it.

Also, again: I have a Bachelor's Degree. I spent five years at a community college when I was getting that degree. I took probably a dozen online classes starting in 2005 and going until 2011 in the process of getting that degree.

THIS bullshit, this "I'm your professor but actually I'm not and all the materials were created by someone else in the department or came directly from the textbook publisher and there is no writing and there are no assignments everything is multiple choice quizzes that are automatically graded" is *dogshit.*

This is NOT how online classes worked back in my day, not even online math classes, and as much as I know adjuncts are getting fucked over by academia in general, this isn't something that these professors should be getting paid as much as they are to do. Alice checked whether or not students turned in a hello world assignment and gave a pass/fail grades for three discussion boards that were responses to youtube videos. Nothing else in the class required her input. If this is the level of instruction that students are getting then the class is already automated and the students shouldn't have to pay for it.

This is crap. This is an incredible level of crap.

[rumisgf]

— ATTRACTIVE THINGS HE SAYS/DOES

includes: katsuki bakugou, denki kaminari, shoto todoroki

warnings: college!au, black reader obv, suggestive, she/her pronouns used once

KATSUKI BAKUGOU

you can try to get pouty or sassy with him if you want to, but it is not a game you will win. one thing he likes is checking yo ass (cs he knows you secretly get a kick out of it).

“fix that attitude ‘fore i fix it for you.”

and he does not let you smart mouth him at all. he’s the sassy one, not you babes.

“what’chu say?”

you start trynna cuss at him or give him more attitude? he’ll deadass look to the left, to the right, behind him, then look back at you and be like “oh, you talkin’ to me?”

“ay, watch yo mouth.”

possessive in not a toxic way but still obvious

he cares a lot about your grades and he’ll memorize your classes so if you decide to skip a day or two, he’s texting you making sure you at least did your work

and like y’all are still in highschool, he’ll deadass take your phone if you need to catch up and keep it in his pocket

“uh uh, yer not gettin’ this back until you finish. we clear, baby?”

unconsciously flexes his jaw when he stretches

digs his tongue into his cheek whenever he’s focused and furrows his eyebrows

bakugou manspreading. that’s all.

if he sees someone trying to flirt with you he will deadass laugh in their face

moves you out of the way by grabbing your waist

if he wants you to sit with him he simply pats the spot next to him (or sometimes his lap) and is like “c‘ mere”

if you couldn’t tell, yeah he likes to give orders (☺️)

speaking of orders, knows your food order from every place you like by heart

and is the one who sends your food back if they get your order wrong

“yo, excuse me! yeah send this shit back she didn’t want pickles on her shit.”

he actually talks to older adults very respectfully

as he got older, he matured and his manners towards his professors is definitely one of the things that swept you off your feet

DENKI KAMINARI

he knows damn well when you missed him and loves to be especially affectionate just to have you all shy under his touch and with his words

“hi pretty babyy”

“aww, am i making you nervous?”

“you miss me my princess?”

“you’re real cute, y’know that?”

when you achieve something like learning how to play a game he’s showing you or doing good on an exam he always says things like “see, there you go” “good job, baby ‘m so prouda you”

he’s very attentive to you, he lets you be clingy whenever you want

taps his pencil gently with his fingers or plays with his rings whenever he’s trying to focus hard on something

then when he’s confused he runs his fingers through his hair with furrowed eyebrows and his lips pouted up

always responds with “yes, baby?” whenever you say his name to get his attention

and to make sure he’s not neglecting you all the time when he sits down to play video games he has you either cuddled up in his lap, sitting between his legs on the floor, or laying your head on his lap depending on how he’s sitting

no matter who he’s with always greet you with “hi baby” or “hey babe”, he has absolutely no shame showing affection to you

definitely participate in all those tiktok slideshows where people show off they girlfriends

pulls you into his lap by the waist

<< his morning voice 33

getting to go to the gym with him or at least see him after he goes to the gym is a true blessing bc his messy hair immediately makes him 10x hotter

always hugs you tightly and wraps both arms around your body

and loves hugging you from behind

hypes up every post you make and spams your comments

SHOUTO TODOROKI

when he gets mad it makes you feel all hot, especially because it’s rarely directed at you

his voice. that’s all.

he’s so polite and treats you like the highest human being on earth (as he should)

“are you alright, my love?”

“i’m so sorry my angel, let me make it up to you please.”

“here, i’ll carry that for you love.”

“goodnight my princess, i’ll be dreaming about you.”

he hugs you with his whole body, making sure he can feel every inch of your skin pressed up on his.

and he makes you do it to, pulling you in by your waist flush against his stomach.

makes sure to hold your hand every time he’s walking you somewhere because your safety is a priority to him

always ask before he does things, he hates feeling like he’s making you uncomfortable. “can i kiss you?” “is this okay? “you sure you want to, lovely?”

contrary, to popular belief he’s way too good at eye contact

and then gets confused when you become all flustered even though he’s staring into your eyes as you speak

“what’s wrong? is there something on my face?”

but eventually you admit how nervous it makes you, and he takes note

so now, he especially looks you in your eyes during conversation

“hmm? go ahead sweetheart i’m listenin’.”

whenever he’s studying for an upcoming exam, he leans back more in his seat and when he goes to stretch, his shirt lifts up and reveals his lower stomach

he comes well dressed no matter how bad of a day he’s having or what time he woke up

whenever he walks in a room, trust he got that shit on (because he’s way too rich to be dressed like a fool)

his dorm is always clean: bed’s always made, has a specific shelf for school supplies, etc

him cursing. that's all.

whenever you fall asleep on his chest he holds you tight under his free arm with his hand over your head, just because he wants so bad to protect you

in general tends to be protective

keeps a hand on your waist at events, walks next to the road on the sidewalk and will make sure you dont, puts his hand in front of you if the car stops too hard, all that

© rumisgf

[moniquill]

Watership Down - first the film, then the book, is one of the most formative media influences in my life. I’ve written about it briefly, here https://i-blame.tumblr.com/post/69030937937/moniquill-moniquill-kucala-moniquill

but having watched the above video essay, I want to say more.

The first time I saw a deer up close was in my grandfather’s back yard; I was about four years old. I don’t remember the reason that my mom dropped me off at my grandfather’s house for an afternoon, but I know that it was unplanned - because he was in the middle of processing a deer. It had been field dressed, organs already removed, and was hanging by its ankle tendons from the t-shaped steel pole at one end of the backyard clothesline. I was startled, worried, concerned that the animal was hurt. There was blood! There was flesh!

My grandfather responded by calmly explaining what he was doing, step by step. Explaining why he was skinning the deer, and quartering it, taking it from this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White-tailed_deer to this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venison

He talked about hunting, and about gratitude, and about humans and our proper place in the world - what meant to live in a good way.

By the time my grandfather was cooking tenderloin medallions and plating them up to me with grape jelly (don’t knock grape jelly on meat until you’ve tried it!) and instant mashed potatoes, I wasn’t startled or concerned anymore. I had a deeper understanding of the way the world worked, of my role as a consumer, a predator. Of the responsibilities that entailed. I couldn’t have explained it then, of course, with my 4-year-old mind and vocabulary - but Philosophy had been set into motion. This is a core memory for me. 

I did not have nightmares about the butchered deer. 

I was six when I first saw Disney’s Bambi. I DID have nightmares about that; between Bambi and The Land Before Time, I was absolutely convinced that my mother was going to die. That I was being presented with these media themes to educate and prepare me for that eventuality. I am the youngest daughter of a youngest daughter, and I have an extended tribal family. My grandfather died when I was six. His was one of many funerals I attended at that age; his generation succumbing to age and illness. I was aware of mortality. 

I wasn’t a ‘normal’ child, by the standard of the community that I went to school in. I was too poor, too indigenous, too very obviously autistic (without being diagnosed). I had very different media influences and interests than the other kids at my public school. No one else was deeply obsessed with David Attenborough’s documentaries (Life on Earth 1979, The Living Planet 1984, Lost Worlds, Vanished Lives 1989). No one else had even heard of Dot and the Whale. No one else in my class had Lifeways Lessons classes, because they didn’t have tribes.  

I wasn’t terribly interested in most media intended for children; it was boring because it was simple. I didn’t feel motivated to watch Disney movies over and over. Don Bleuth films had more staying power in my mind; An American Tale, All Dogs Go To Heaven, The Land Before Time. More complex stories, stories that confront suffering and death. My mom read me CS Lewis and JRR Tolkein, Jack London and EB White - lots of other stories that were not ‘age appropriate’, stories that were written for People, not Children.

I watched Watership Down for the first time when I was about five, and my mom read the book to me when I was about six. I was not disturbed by the violence, being far more interested in the themes explored in the video essay above. I had, by this time, seen a rabbit skinned IRL. I’d eaten rabbit stew. 

I did not have nightmares about Watership Down. 

I failed to make friends with the kids at school, for the most part - I primarily socialized with my cousins. In fourth grade (age 9), my class did a unit on tropical rainforests, and I brought in this video: I did not think that there was anything at all controversial about it, but at about 32 minutes in David Attenborough talks about the Guarani people and their traditional ways of life. There’s footage of an unclothed man climbing a tree. His penis is briefly visible. THE CLASS WENT WILD, and the teacher rushed to turn the video off, and I was sent to the office. It caused a school-wide incident, and bringing in videos was thereafter banned. I was deeply, deeply confused by this series of events. The video had come from the public library - how could it possible be offensive? But the incident became a vector of bullying that followed me until middle school - the adults had confirmed to the kids that I had done something taboo, that I was fundamentally wrong in some way. I quietly came to the conclusion that Most People(™) are very stupid and very reactionary, that one has to carefully coddle and explain things to them. 

It took me many years to only mostly overcome that conclusion.

Later that same year, I had my first real success in making a childhood friend - someone who came to my house after school and had sleepovers and such. She had transferred from another school and didn’t know I was THE WEIRD GIRL the way my other classmates did. I remember trying to introduce my favorite movies to her, as she introduced her favorites to me. She was a Horse Girl(™) and much more interested in Age Appropriate Girl Things than I was, but we shared a love of My Little Pony - I had a bunch of episodes on VHS, recorded off TV. She thought that https://mylittleponyg1.fandom.com/wiki/Rescue_at_Midnight_Castle was ‘too scary’ and preferred https://mylittleponyg1.fandom.com/wiki/My_Little_Pony:_The_Movie. 

I showed her Watership Down. She freaked out about it. It gave her nightmares.

She was, as many people, deeply disturbed by the violence of the film. She had not, at the age of nine, seen animals butchered. She didn’t seem to care about the deeper meanings and philosophical treatises presented; the fact that there was violence and death was too shocking.

I’m not sure how to conclude this essay, except with this: Watership Down is now a litmus test, for me. If a person is aware of it and appreciates it, we’re intellectual compatible. If a person’s whole reaction is shock and disgust and cries of ‘nightmare fuel!’ then we are not.

[ilovepaigebueckerss]

the other women.

word count: 886 (kinda short)

pairing: p.b. x reader

summary: After the live incident with Azzi y/n confronts paige.

pt: 2/3 (I think there will be 3 parts idk)

NOT PROOFREAD SO NTM.

i hope yall enjoy thiss. im gonna remake part 1 because it doesnt really fit with this part too well. i mean its good enough for yall to get the plot of the story but ykkk. SO SORRY FOR MAKING AZZI A BAD PERSON YALL ITS FOR THE PLOTTT🙏🙏 tried to do the lil picture thing evb be doing cs i thought it was cute how we feeling?..

-love gabby💋

3RD PERSON

Paige wakes up to an empty bed. She blinks rapidly trying to blink the sleepiness away. Wincing as she feels the hangover coming in. She notices the advil and glass of water on the bedside table you left for her. There was ice in the cup indicating the glass was filled not too long ago.

She doesn’t hesitate to pick up the glass and pills and takes them with one big gulp.

YOUR POV

Whenever you’re mind is too loud you usually vent to Paige and cry in her arms. You couldn’t do that this time so you went for a walk. You honestly had no clue where you were because you were so consumed in your thoughts you lost track of where you were walking.

Youre phone pinged snapping you out of your thoughts.

my fav blonde🖕🏻: Where are you?

You stared at the message not knowing if you should respond or not.

Just out for a walk.

You respond dryly trying to let her know you don’t want to speak to her. You hated confrontation so you didn’t know what you were going to do about the whole Azzi situation.

my fav blondie🖕🏻: Thanks for the advil and water, bug.

You stared at the phone not even realizing you were crying until you saw the tear droplet falling down your screen.

That damn nickname. She had given it to you as a joke when you first started dating and it’s stuck ever since. Whenever she called you it, a wave of comfort rushed through your body. Now it was just making you sad.

“You okay?” you hear a semi-familiar voice call out.

You look up quickly wiping your tears and see this girl from your psychology class. Her name was Addie or something like that.

“Yeah” you manage to croak out.

“You sure? Doesn’t really seem like it.” she says chuckling attempting to lighten the mood.

“Yeah. Thanks for asking.” You say smiling.

She smiles back. She was pretty, she had freckles and was brunette.

“Do you need a ride?” She offers still smiling.

“If its not too much of a bother.” You say embarrassed.

“Ofcourse! Hop in.”

PAIGES POV

Guilt is rushing through my body remembering the events from last night. It all happened so fast and it was a mistake.

my baby: omw home. 🤍 (hearted the msg)

my baby: got a ride from this girl

I smiled seeing her notification.

Theres even a video going around and im just praying y/n didnt see it. She could take it the wrong way. I would have to tell her eventually. She just cant find out through a video on social media.

FLASHBACK: AT THE BAR

STILL PAIGES POV

Azzi was being extra touchy tonight but I just assumed it was the alcohol. I mean she knows I have a girlfriend and she loves her.

“Paige, you look so good” Azzi slurs out running her hand down my chest.

I quickly move her hand off of me. “Thanks Azzi.” I say smiling. She puts her red solo cup up to her mouth “I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight” I say grabbing the drink from her.

“Nooooo” She whines. I just laugh at her drunk antics.

She grabs my face and gets really close. “Never noticed how pretty your eyes were.” She says staring at my eyes.

I just smile awkwardly trying to get out of her grasp. Before I knew it her lips were on mine. I gently push her off me. “Azzi.” I begin. “Paige you know you want me just as much as I want you.” She cuts me off.

“I have a girlfriend. And shes the only girl I want.” I say sharply.

“This is bullshit” She spits, pushing herself off of me.

PRESENT TIME

3RD PERSON

“Thanks for the ride.” Y/n says smiling at the brunette. Who smiles back “Anytime.”

—

Y/n is fumbling with her keys outside of the apartment door trying to find the right one. Once you find the key she puts it in the lock and unlocks the door.

Paige immediately shoots up of the couch and runs to her girlfriend. “Hi babyy.” she says smiling and giving you a hug. “missed you.” she says in your neck.

The feeling of Paige’s breathe on your neck made you shiver.

“Hey.” You couldn’t help but smile, missing Paiges warmth.

You let go of each other and you wander off into the kitchen while Paige goes back to her spot on the couch.

“Hey can we talk?” You manage to say. Paige looks up at you and hums in response already knowing what you’re going to say.

“What happened last night..” You pause and clear your throat “With Azzi?” You say trying to hold back your tears.

“Y/n I promise it wasn’t what it looked like.”

“Then what was it Paige.” You snap all your built up anger coming out. “Because it looked like the love of my life cheating on me with her BEST FRIEND.” You say emphasizing the last two words.

“Please let me explain baby.” Paige says, tears pricking her eyes.

“Don’t call me that.” You say coldly.

“You don’t need to explain anything I saw what I needed to see.” You say before Paige could open her mouth to speak.

You walk out of the door not wanting to make the situation worse.

—

thank you for reading mwahh!

[shoosiopao]

monday 🌷 march 18, 2024

💭 headstart, feeling accomplished, making the most of my day

my calc professor uploaded some materials for the first chapter so i started working ahead !! the quarter doesn't start until april but i'm determined to do a lot more than the bare minimum this quarter 🫡! i just received my grade for my previous math class and while it meets the grade requirement for my upcoming calc class, i definitely could have earned a much better grade if i had put in more effort.

on another note, i have been struggling with sleep recently. every night, i stay up late so that i can get some work done and it has caused me to sleep in until almost noon. i realized that this pattern is due to me not feeling accomplished during the day. if i wake up late, i spend the remaining day time just scrolling on my phone or playing games. i decided that i'll be more conscious of my daily goals by writing them down in my notebook and checking them off as i finish!

today i accomplished...

— watch (1/2) calc 2.1 videos

— print out calc intro worksheets

— revamp my notion dashboard

— check out cs java text book

next steps!

— clean my room

— fold my clothes

— wake up on time !!!!

— finish calc 2.1 materials

— start calc 2.2

— start java roadmap

[16bruises]

Guilt

Loosely based off of Glimpse of Us by Joji

eddie munson I just wanna break your heart

eddie × gn! reader

warnings : drug use, addiction, self harm and death

word count: 3.7k

At some point, Eddie knew that he enabled you, but he ignored it. It got to the point where if he didn’t enable your.. bad habit, he was scared you would leave him.

He knew it was past the point of no return, far far from it. The only way he could keep you from leaving was to enable you.

This is likely why he never got over it. When you eventually succumbed to this ‘bad habit’. Or maybe it was because he was the one who introduced you to it. Not only that, he was your supplier. Until you left permanently.

The guilt of basically killing someone you love with everything in you tore him apart. He hardly slept for months, his grades never recovered, and he was convinced he was evil.

When he could sleep, it was only ever a few hours, and never all at once. He would sleep for an hour or two in his bed, and wake up because the memory of holding you until you stopped breathing was replayed over and over again while he slept. He’d try to sleep at school, only for a teacher to yell at him or slam a book onto his desk.

His grades, as previously stated, never recovered. In the beginning-middle portions of his senior year, he got straight Cs. Not amazing but he was passing, and according to every counselor working in Hawkins High, he was on track to graduate.

Obviously, that didn’t happen.

Maybe he didn’t want to be in the graduating class of 1984 without you.

You were supposed to graduate that spring, you and him were supposed to do it together.

But then you died.

You died on an absolutely gorgeous day in early spring. April 7, 1984.

That night was only ever going to end one way, Eddie knew that. He doesn’t accept this fact though.

He’s convinced that if the two of you had gone to Lover’s lake or the picnic table he deals at, or even just parked somewhere in his van, things would’ve gone differently.

Of course not, you were an addict. As was he. You two were just addicted to two different things.

You were addicted to heroin.

He was addicted to you, loving you.

You were spending the weekend at Eddie’s place. Both of you were excited, Eddie’s uncle was going to be out of town to help a friend of his move into their new home. Leaving Eddie in charge of the trailer.

Eddie, being a young and dumb and painfully in love teenager, invited you to spend the weekend with him. He knew you preferred to be out of the house. Not because you dislike your family, no.

You loved your family, you loved your little brother, you loved your mom. They were just a little much at times. As of late, however, all the time.

You knew why your mother became even more overbearing. Ever since that Byers kid went missing your once serene home became a quaintly decorated prison. Even after he was found, your relaxed life was never restored.

Eddie knew all of this as well. You did love him, he was sure of it. You told him all of this. You told him so much. He holds onto that. He knew you loved him when you were still warm.

When Eddie picked you up from your house that Friday evening, he couldn’t ever forget how happy you looked. You were radiant. A gift from the cosmos.

He remembers the drive to his place. How he didn’t want to listen to any music. He just wanted to listen to you talk about some horror movie that was finally at the family video store.

When you two finally got to his place he rushed to open the car door for you and dramatically kissed your hand. You giggled at his theatrics.

He remembers you resting your head on his shoulder as he quickly unlocked the front door and lead you inside.

You went to his bedroom to drop off your bag and to change into one of his, much comfier, shirts.

He shuffled through his small collection of VHS tapes until he found one that looked interesting enough.

Just as he was about to go and check on you, you appeared walking towards him. He smiled down at you, caging you in his arms.

He remembers thinking at that moment, I won’t ever let anything hurt you baby- I’ll protect you until we die.

He lead you to the couch and laid back, you finding a comfortable spot on top of him. Your arms were wrapped loosely around him while his arms were wrapped tightly around your waist.

His hold loosened only to cradle your head in his palms. Gently kissed you at first but that quickly turned into a messy make-out session.

Whatever movie was playing was entirely forgotten about, only you and him existed in that moment.

He lifted you by your waist off the couch, neither of you wanting to break contact, you wrapped your legs around the small of his waist.

One arm remained tightly around your waist, while the other was now firmly holding one of your thighs to ensure you wouldn’t slip off of him.

He blindly made his way back to his bedroom, he was glad he didn’t run into any walls or doorframes but that thought faded instantly as you both entered his room.

He pressed you into his mattress. He pulled away from your lips, which were now kiss swollen. He grinned down at you and pulled his shirt off as swiftly as he could, you doing the same.

He leaned back down to you. Pressing his lips to yours. His warm hands gently rubbed your sides as his lips moved to your cheeks, to your jawline, to your neck. You tangled your fingers into his hair as you gasped. He smirked as he bit love marks into the soft skin of your neck.

His lips migrated to your collarbone. he pressed kisses into it and left quite a few hickeys behind. He lifted himself from you once again.

Your face was flushed and your lips were still swollen. You smiled up at him as you untangled your fingers from his hair. Your hands moving to push some stray strands away from his face.

“You’re so beautiful, Eddie”

He grinned bashfully and turned his head to kiss your palms.

“I’m nothing compared to you Baby”

He didn’t let you respond, he leaned forward quickly to press another kiss to your swollen lips.

You, still holding his face, gently pushed him off.

He was worried he overstepped a boundary.

“what’s wrong?”

You chuckled at his serious expression

“you can’t fuck me with your pants still on pretty boy”

His face bloomed into a warm pink, he hid his face in your shoulder as he chuckled and quickly undid his pants.

He kissed your shoulder and leaned back to discard his pants. He leaned over you, pressing warm kisses into your stomach. He looked back up at you as he slid your panties down and off your legs.

He pulled your thighs away from each other, pressing sweet kisses into them. He glanced back up at you and grinned before he busied himself between your thighs.

He could go on for hours there. He loved how plush and warm your thighs were. He loved holding them in his grasp. He loved when his rings would often leave prints on them.

He loved the way you tasted on his tongue. He loved how soft and sweet you were. He loved how you would absently tug at his hair when you were about to cum.

But more than anything he just loved your voice. He couldn’t ever get enough. Any noise that came out of your mouth, whether it be you hurling insults at him for denying you a fix or you crying out as he ate you out better than anyone else ever could, he loved it.

“Eddie! Eddie please! I-I wanna cum around you!”

Your chest heaved as you struggled to get the sentence out coherently.

He chuckled and, begrudgingly, pulled away. He reached across you to grab a condom from his nightstand but you caught his wrist before he could.

“I wanna feel you Eddie”

You lifted yourself to press your lips to his, tasting yourself on his tongue. His hand that had been reaching now held your face as he kissed you back.

“Are you sure? If you’re doing this for me, I really don’t mind wearing one”

“I wanna feel you without one” you pressed a few wet kisses to his neck, “and I want you to feel me without one”

He nodded and sat up. He pressed you back into his mattress, laying you down flat on your back. He lifted your hips and aligned himself with you. His eyes shooting up to you.

In that quick moment, he saw you, your chest heaving, your hands holding onto the pillow underneath you, your eyebrows drawn closely together in anticipation.

He pushed himself fully inside and heard you whine. He leaned forward, pulling your hands away from the pillow and lacing his fingers with yours.

He held your hands on either side of you. Setting a comforting pace. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, face tilted upwards as he pressed kisses to your neck once again.

His thrusts sped up as you began to whine and moan louder and louder. Your grip on his hands getting tighter and tighter. He groaned as he felt you spasm around him.

He came first but only by a few seconds. You quickly followed.

He slid out of you and slumped down beside you.

“Hope you don’t mind that I came inside” He lifted your hand to his lips as he boyishly smiled

“I don’t mind, I trust you more than anyone”

He pulled you into his chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist again, tightly. He pressed his lips to yours again, smiling when he felt your hands grip his shoulders.

You pulled away and wrapped your arms around his neck, as you had done when you two were on the couch.

“I love you baby”

“I love you Eddie, so much”

That was the last night you went to sleep. The last night he felt like he could protect you from anything, the last night he got a full night’s sleep.

That morning after, the last morning you were there, you and Eddie ate some eggos that Eddie found in the back of his freezer. Took a shower together, which resulted in you both having to wash up in cold water.

Eddie played you some songs that he was still working on. His confidence boosted immensely every time you smiled while he played.

But around 4 pm you started scratching at your arms. Incessant and aggressive scratching at the once soft skin of your arms.

Eddie noticed, of course. But he was too scared to verbally acknowledge it. He knew if he did you would likely end up screaming at him.

He spent the next 3 hours trying to distract you from scratching. Nothing he did really worked. He knew any moment could be the one where you asked for him to give you what you want.

Knowing that it was inevitable he only hoped you wouldn’t become erratic. One specific memory always comes to mind, the first time he told you he didn’t want to give you doses anymore.

He thought you would understand and you two would be fine. But that’s not how it went. He never thought you were even capable of saying some of the things he heard you say. You punched at his chest and when that didn’t seem to make him change his mind you shoved past him and walked into the bathroom.

He was confused and he just stared at the open bathroom door. Everything was dead quiet but then he heard loud, rhythmic slams. He almost tripped trying to get to the bathroom as quickly as possible.

He remembers seeing you just bash your head into the wall. He was stunned and felt frozen. He was yanked out of his frozen state at the sight of blood now smearing on the wall.

He wrapped his arms around your midsection, making sure you wouldn’t be able to shove him off and lead you to his room.

He let go of you to shut his door and turned back towards you as you curled up on the floor by his bed, sobbing.

He was in a panic, he could see blood running down your face and mixing in with your tears. He knew he shouldn’t give you a fix, but he also didn’t know what else to do.

“Only one, and this is the last fucking time I’m giving you this. I’m fucking serious baby”

You sat up, still crying. You watched him fish through a drawer before turning back to face you, syringe in hand.

He sat down on the floor beside you, tears still streaming down your face. You wrapped your arms around him and thanked him repeatedly.

A choked sigh of relief left your lips as he pushed the syringe into your forearm. Your bloody forehead was rested against his shoulder, staining his shirt.

You fell asleep about an hour later. He laid you down on his bed and he laid down next to you. His face was pressed into your stomach, his arms wrapped around your thighs.

He pressed his face further into your stomach and just cried. He cried until he fell asleep.

That was right after Christmas, and even though he had said that would be the last time; it never really was.

He looked up at you and found you already looking back at him. He smiled at you and you smiled back.

“Eddie”

He knew what you wanted

“Yeah Baby?”

Every day since, this conversation replays in his head

“I wanna get off H”

He remembers how his heart jumped when you said that

“Really?! Baby that’s- that’s fucking great”

He remembers pulling you into his arms and just holding you

“I saw on this talk show that a good way to stop is to ease off of it though”

He hated himself for being so stupid

“Ok sweetheart”

He hated how easily you tricked him

“I need you to give me some today, so I don’t lose my shit again, but I wanna work down to not taking any” you looked up at him, “if you want you can hold me while I do it, like that one time”

He smiled weakly down at you and pressed a kiss onto your forehead

“Ok baby, I’ll help you through this all the way”

You sat on his bed as he pulled your fix out of the drawer. He set it on the nightstand as he sat beside you. You leaned your head onto his chest and he pulled your legs up to rest on his lap.

He leaned over to grab your fix and handed it to you. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, you leaned up to press a quick kiss to his lips.

He didn’t watch as you injected yourself. He stared past you, zoning off as he stared blankly at his poster-covered wall.

He was yanked from his trance when you gripped his shoulder. He looked down at you in confusion. His confusion quickly morphed into pure terror.

The terror he had never felt before and hasn’t felt since.

You weren’t breathing. Your eyes were watering and tears were escaping your eyes.

He didn’t know what to do.

He tried to save you. He tried as hard as an 18-year-old boy could to save you.

But unfortunately; he didn’t do enough.

He held you while you died. Your heart stopped beating about 2 minutes after you stopped breathing.

He rocked your limp body in his arms for about 5 minutes before he realized you had died. He laid you down on his bed. He felt dizzy seeing you like that. For a moment it looked like you were asleep in his bed, he’d seen you like that at least a thousand times. But that moment was fleeting.

He rushed to the low-quality house phone that Wayne had set up in the trailer.

He chooses not to remember the rest of that day. The specifics at least. He knows that he called 911 and he lied to them. He told them he wasn’t there when you died. He told them you got heroin from Reefer Rick.

He remembers the warm tears running down his face as he watched them put your limp body into an ambulance. He remembers holding your cold hand while they spoke to him. He remembers how he felt like throwing up when they took your body away from him and took him to the police station for more information on Rick and how you died.

He didn’t go to your funeral. He laid in bed, where you died. His face was shoved into a pillow. He thought about letting himself choke. Letting himself go through what you went through. But he always pulled away just before he could stop breathing.

He stopped going to school. The school year was almost over, only about 3 months left and you and him would’ve been out of there forever.

He had to repeat his senior year. His C average wasn’t enough to save him from 3 months straight of absences.

The next year wasn’t any better. He tried, but he couldn’t stand being in that building again when you weren’t.

He would ditch class to visit you. At the beginning of the school year, he would buy you flowers and set them out for you. But since you passed he took a break from making deals.

He found out he was going to be repeating senior year again. He felt sure that this time, he would make it. This time was different.

He started making deals again summer of ‘85. After the mall burnt down, sales shot through the roof.

He still visited you as much as he could. He felt that mind-numbing guilt every time though. He was dealing again. He wasn’t going to let what happened to you happen ever again. Never.

By early August, he felt better. Sure he missed you every second. He still struggles to sleep most nights. He still dreams of you. But he felt normal, healthy even. Like he was moving forward and holding on tight to the memory of you.

The first day of his 3rd senior year made that all come crumbling down. How could he have forgotten? How could he have not braced himself?

Hellfire got three new members. Lucas Sinclair, Mike Wheeler, and Dustin Henderson.

Eddie felt like throwing up every time he saw him. He had the same eyes as you. Obviously, they never looked at him like yours did. And they weren’t exactly the same color. But they looked just like yours.

Your brother looked up to him, which made everything worse. Anytime your brother would talk to Eddie he would start zoning out. He hated how he would stare at that poor kid’s eyes. He hated how your brother’s eyes would look at him with so much trust- just like yours once did. Eddie hated how your brother would praise him as if he wasn’t responsible for your death.

Your brother thought Eddie hated him at first but eventually just began to think Eddie was bad at socializing with others

Eddie picked up a habit of fidgeting with his hands to distract from the gut-wrenching guilt he felt. It was easier to distract himself during hellfire, he got to become the dungeon master and do whatever he wanted. But at lunch.. it was almost unbearable. Especially when he sits where you once sat.

Eddie was able to get through the majority of the school year. He was nearing a D in O’Donnels’ and the end of his time at this shitty school was so close he could almost taste it.

Spring break quickly approached. Eddie typically liked the last day before spring break. Today, however, was feeling a little too familiar. He found a note in his locker, someone needed a fix.

Eddie was shocked when he saw Chrissy Cunningham there.

Even though he felt the guilt seeping into every part of him, he did his best to comfort Chrissy.

She was a nice girl, he remembers you used to babysit her for cash when you were in 8th grade.

Everything was going fine, he was making jokes to calm her nerves. Then she asked if he had anything stronger.

Eddie paused. He stared into his tin lunch box.

“I don’t carry the harder stuff with me” He tried to lightly move on, “I’m not sure you really want any of that stuff anyways”

“Why not?”

She doesn’t know, you can’t blame her. She doesn’t know. Nobody knows. She just needs something to calm herself down, you can’t get mad at her she doesn’t understand

Eddie’s mind repeated in a jumbled mess of words and overlapping sentences

Chrissy thought for a second, worried she would be pushing his politeness with her next words. But she thought it might help him calm down if she assured him she would be careful

“Are you worried I might overdose? Like your friend (y/n) did a few years ago?”

Eddie’s grip on his tin lunch box tightened, his knuckles were white, he sucked a deep and unsteady breath in before hesitantly nodding

“Alright listen- you can come by my place after that basketball game tonight, I’ve got my club so I can drive us both”

Chrissy nodded, “Ok, thank you Eddie”

Eddie could feel a pit deepen in his stomach

I’ll make sure she’s fine while she takes it. I’ll make sure she doesn’t give herself too much. I’ll stay by her while she does it and make sure she’s ok.

I’ll make sure to pay attention this time.

Eddie never really was a lucky guy. March 22, 1986 wasn’t ever going to end without claiming the life of Chrissy Cunningham. We know this.

Guilt Masterlist

[sincerely-sofie]

Hi! If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question about that visual novel that you made with Ark and Twig. I’m a new cs major, so I’d like to start making some projects outside of my classes, and I figured a simple game like that could be a fun way to start, but I have no ideas where to begin looking for resources on how to code any of it, and I only currently know the basics of python. So I was wondering if you’d be able to point me to some videos or tutorials (or even the skills that I would need to search up) that I could use to learn how to make something similar to what you made. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this!

I actually made that visual novel in a no-code engine called TyranoBuilder, but I’m moving over to a popular Python-based visual novel engine called RenPy for my next visual novel! RenPy has a very dedicated community with a lot of resources associated with it— I’ll list a few I’m familiar with below :>

The official documentation is, as always, a stalwart source of information… though it’s understandably very intimidating to read through so much, hehe.

The YouTube channel Visual Novel Design doesn’t talk much about coding, but does showcase useful plugins and ideas about how to create visual novels.

Another YouTube channel, Zeil Learnings, has more information on the coding side of things. I very much recommend this video of hers that helps you get through the basics of RenPy in under 10 minutes!

Swedish Game Dev is another useful resource with all sorts of coding tutorials for implementing specific features.

Also, a useful note: despite being described as a game engine, files for RenPy must be written in a separate code editor and then plugged into RenPy itself. This might be the norm, but I’m not certain— I’m more used to RPG Maker and Godot. Either way, I enjoy using Visual Studio Code as my code editor, as that’s what I use for college, and it has a very handy RenPy syntax extension available!

Wishing us both luck as we dive into the world of RenPy! I’m in a similar boat as you— barely starting my web + software dev degree— and have only the fundamentals of Python to my name. I hope this is helpful. If not, send in another ask and I’ll try to answer better!

[inkofamethyst]

March 10, 2024

Sorry but like, I do think I need to live alone I'm so sorry.

I'm by myself in my apartment this week and besides the lack of peer pressure to wash my dishes regularly (and also I have to be really careful to not forget my keys), UGH it's so nice to be ALONE. My roommate is great, seriously, but whew.

I'm coming to learn that some of the most intelligent people are SUPER multi-faceted, and that it's not necessarily a sign of mixed priorities. I've met physics PhDs who were considered for Julliard admission, who would've become a professional musician if they hadn't stumbled into biology, biophysics majors who are also in basically pre-professional music programs.

And this isn't necessarily a totally new concept to me (the majority of students in my undergrad orchestra were stem majors I think), it's just not at all what I expected to find here. It's comforting, though.

One thing I'll say about my python course, the actual computer science of it all is only mildly interesting to me (and also it make my head spin right round baby right round). I feel so bad because now that the lecture hall only manages to bring in a quarter to a third of the class on any give day and I'm right in the line of sight of the prof (but in the back bc I wanted to try something new hehe) so on pure CS days I'm sure I must be giving the blankest stare possible. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I care less. And the class is mostly graded based on products produced and not pure CS knowledge, so I can get by (so far).

Anyway with how political THG is and how uncomfy Suzanne's message can be (I don't want to fully dilute it into a basic battle royale since I am using her world (this could also just be me overthinking, like, what does she care, she's rich)), I'm leaning away from submitting that for my final project. I think I might build it regardless for just my friends then spend some time reskinning it into a dnd-esque dungeon crawl or something. Idk, I'll get my friends to beta test and see what they think. (This might just be me overthinking though, like,,, the class must have over 200 kids,,,, there's no way the teaching staff is going to spend time running everyone's programs outside of watching the video submissions lol. They're probably far more concerned with the techniques I'm using in the backend than the content of the frontend.)

Is wearing bright red lipstick to Target attention-seeking behavior? Well, yes, but I got the attention I was seeking because a girl told me she thought it was my perfect shade :)

Today I'm thankful for girls supporting girls! Women supporting women!! I've encountered an uptick in small tiktok accounts posting ootds and I LOVE being the first or one of the first comments to cheer them on, and I always give them a detail that caught my eye. I'm really loving seeing fashion from real people in my media. Also also! Lots of young women are talking openly about finances and how to get ahead and what intro positions really look like, and it's just lovely.

[cssns]

Get to Know Your Mods

Joining again for a third year is @stahlop​! She is very excited for this year’s event (even if she isn’t writing anything this year).

How long have you been a part of the CS fandom?

I started watching the show when it aired, but I didn’t start reading fanfic until the end of season 7. I got obsessed with it after season 6, started devouring podcasts and YouTube videos. Then I had to teach fan fic as part of a creative writing unit for an English class I was subbing for and I thought, ‘I wonder if there’s any Hook/Emma fan fic?’, and a monster was born.

What is your favorite part about fandom?

The camaraderie between everyone. So much support. 

What drew you to this event?

I’ve always liked supernatural media. Having CS in supernatural situations just seems like a good fit.

Will you be participating either as a writer or artist? If so, what will you be doing?

I’m not technically participating this year. But I’m hoping to finish up last year’s dragon fic. 

What do you do in your "real life?"

I used to be a middle school drama teacher. Now I’m HR for a security guard company. 

What are you most looking forward to in this event?

All the new fic to read!

[sambaridli]

Sometimes impulsive decisions are the best.

As usual again i saw the pirated version of salaar but seeing the theatre videos on Instagram made me want to go to that movie so bad. I asked my frnds to come. It was all good till their parents did not agree. Though i knew the answer was going to be no (we used the same reason that we used for animal the og project reason) i prayed they'd come. Today morning i decided i will go alone without telling my parents. Selected safe theatre but wasn't able to book tickets online. So i decided I'd directly buy at the theatre. So i started early and went to 5 shops to get change as i had go in an auto. After finally getting change i stopped a auto. I was prepared he is going to ask minimum 120 but that anna asked only 70rs. The bookings closed for the theatre i thought was safe. So i was going to some other theatre called jayshyam. I was talking to my frnd abt it and telling idk if I'd get tickets. That auto anna said he'd find out whether the tickets are available at cs (the safe one). He called someone, no one picked the call so he said he'd take me to cs if the tickets are not available then he'd drop me at jayshyam only. We went to cs there were tickets available at diamond class. I thanked that anna. Like bro who does that nowadays😭😭. I really pray he should be happy in life.

While waiting at the theatre i realized i did not get my mask and there high chances someone might recognize me.

Later went in and the movie was a blast though i already watched, seeing that movie on a bigscreen just hits different.

I use to binge watch prithviraj sukumaran movies and this is the first time am seeing him on bigscreen. His voice in telugu was so so good ahh😩. I just cannot get over his character varadha raja mannar. I am hopping to find ffs on wattpad.

But overall this was such a good experience. This solo date was something i really needed. Even while watching movie i was thinking even if my parents get to know its ok because it is all worth it in the end. I'm going to keep this ticket for ever. Ahh what I'd do for movies😭😩.