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petrichor-idyllic · 1 year

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Hiiii I'm back with another request. Minho x fem reader. So we are in the Glade and one day reader gets the idea for everyone to have a day of and play a game of capture the flag (if you dont know how to play that lets just play hide and seek). After BEGGING Alby for days he finally finds it a good idea and reader starts planning everything. The Gladers get put into two seperate teams while they play, Minho and reader leaders of each team CUZ WE'RE THE BEST OF THE BEST. Somehow in that game Minho and reader share some playful, aggressive, flirty, spicy/high tension moments that follow after the game as well as they get to talk about it later. Idk if it makes much sense but I'llleave the rest to your imagination ;)

YESSS I love me some flirty competition.

Also, sorry if I'm reusing gifs, this book does not get enough attention I stg.

FRIENDLY COMPETITION

MASTERLIST | MINHO MASTERLIST

SUMMERY: See above. Fem!Runner!Reader x Minho. Takes place before the arrival of Thomas. Based on the Glade layout in the Movies to make my life easier.

WARNINGS: Inappropriate language, spice content, some sexual tension (hopefully) and some good ol' competitive spirit.

It's finally happening.

Finally.

For the past few months, you've had the absolute perfect idea to raise spirits in the Glade.

It's simple but genuis- a game. And not just any game: Capture the Flag.

Alby kept saying that the Glade was fine, and that the Gladers didn't need a break- but after a particularly hard week, he caved.

Besides, if anyone could bring the Glade together and convince them to play along; it's you. Being the only girl means that the Gladers are practically climbing over each other to win your favour.

Sure, it can be kind of annoying and it greatly increases Alby's blood-pressure having to keep an eye on you. But, now that you're out in the Maze most days, having proved yourself worthy as a Runner, Alby sees you as Minho's problem more than his.

Not that Minho's complaining. He is your Keeper, after all.

He actually liked having you around. You push him to try harder, mainly because you're constantly reminding him that you're better than him. You are not better than him, you know that, but as long as Minho thinks someone is coming after his spot- he's going to try even harder.

Of course, Minho revels in the jealous looks and envy from the other Gladers for spending time with you. He enjoys seeing their faces when he comes back to the Maze, you by his side, having some kind of flirtationship about who actually got back first.

So, he might have a slight crush on you.

But, who doesn't?

Which is probably why when you brought your idea to him, he was surprisingly eager to join in.

You spent all week preparing. Including making war paint, coloured bandanas for the two teams, and, of course, the flags themselves.

Minho decides he's going to play team captain, making you both leaders of opposite sides. You'd be lying if you weren't excited.

Your competitive relationship is about to reach it's peak- and it's Minho. Come on, it's Minho. God, if he so much as looks at you with his dumb smirk for too long, your knees go weak and you want to dive on him then and there.

Yeah, you might have a thing for him. No one else has the balls to be as sarcastic or playful with you.

"Alright, you boys ready?" You stand in Council Hall, black bandana keeping your hair at bay with black stripes across your face and smeared around your eyes, creating a smokey eye effect.

You'd somehow managed to rope the other boys into it as well. Obviously, you have nearly half of the Glade on your team, but some notable members are Jeff, Gally and Frypan; with Newt, Winston and Zart choosing to side with Minho.

Alby has made the executive decision to dictate. Probably so he can make sure that no one gets injured in the flames of yours and Minho's fighting passion.

Whatever- you don't need them.

The flags are already hidden. The groups taking it in turns to find perfect places once you'd returned to the Glade for the day. You don't think the Runners have ever done their maps quicker.

You'd figured the most obvious place for a flag would be the Deadheads. And that's the first place your going to look. Minho might be quicker than you, but you're smarter.

So, obviously, you hide the black flag in a barn.

What? It's not like there's any rules saying you can't put the flags inside a building. And since one of the old barns isn't in use anymore since the Slicers opted to use more outside pens and a better constructed building nearer to the killing shack, there's an opportunity.

And you'd be a fool not to take it.

So, the Black flag is in the abandoned barn. And the White flag is yet to be found.

"Yes, ma'am," Gally responds, a lot of your team nodding in unison.

"We all know the plan?"

Another round of yes' and nods.

"Alright, let's do this!"

The rules are simple. The winner brings the opposing teams flag back to their territory. You've claimed Council Hall and the White team have the far corner, near the back of the Deadheads.

You made the choice to make the location of the flags unknown, mainly because Alby didn't want the whole thing to just be a massive fight. So, most of this is going to be trying to find the flags.

"You ready?" Alby pushes the door open and you grin at him.

"Shuck yeah."

You and your group let out war cries and chants as you make your way to the centre of the Glade. Night is starting to fall and with the Doors closed, it's all free game.

You're actually pleasantly surprised to see the other team has also gone along with you theatrics- mainly because Minho looks damn good.

He has similar fave paint to you, with the piece of white fabric tied to the belt hooks of his pants. He wears a simple tight black shirt with his signature backpack/harness. A change from his normal blue button-up.

He puts his fingers to his lips, letting out a loud wolf-whistle as you approach.

"You look good," he shouts, probably because you're wearing a tightish tank top that you normally leave for especially hot days.

"Likewise," you laugh. Your teams stand across from one another in the middle of the Glade. "You ready to lose?"

He scoffs, shaking his head, "Big words for a little girl."

"Don't try me."

"Alright," Alby already seems sick of this, even if he is hiding his amusement from watching his best Runners flirt. "You all know the rules- no violence, well, no bad violence at least, no playing dirty. And have fun- 'cause we ain't doin' this klunk again for a long time." He clears his throat. "Okay, let's get this over with. Three! Two! One! Go!"

You're not sure what Minho's plan is, but yours is cover as much ground as physically possible. Which is obvious when your entire team splits off in completely different directions. You all react so quickly that the White team doesn't move for a second.

Which is weird. But you know Minho is a tricky dude- you're not about to fall for it.

Your goal is, of course, the Deadheads, with Gally and a couple going in the same direction before cutting off. The woods are big, so it's good to have multiple pairs of eyes covering the ground.

Stumbling through the woods, you quickly come across the Map Room, which is the first place you decided to check out. Sure, Minho is smart enough to know this would be the first place you'd visit. So, he'd probably put the Whie flag there purely because he'd think you'd think it was too predictable.

Maybe you're reading too much into this.

Checking around the building, the door is very much locked. You look through the crack in the door and see nothing. You figured that putting the flag in the room is off the table since Alby would actually gut the Keeper if he dared turn their most important building into a game piece.

Realising this idea is dumb, you leave the Map Room be.

Making your way through the Deadheads, your heart jumps into your throat when you hear a twig snap. Spinning around, you hold you ground.

Suddenly, you are reminded of the very real threat of you being a girl alone in the woods in the dark.

"Hello?" Your voice wavers slightly. "Who's there?"

"Slim it, girly, who do you think?" The sound of Minho's voice as you turn and see him leaning against a tree eases you.

"Shuckin' hell, man, you tryna give me a heart attack?"

He shrugs. "If that's what it takes to win."

"There's no way I'm letting you win this."

"Oh, yeah?" He smirks, standing up straight.

"Yeah, you following me or some klunk?"

"I have better things to do," he scoffs.

"Doubt it." It takes you as second, but you realise that Minho came from the opposite way to you, which means he's either looking for your flag in here or- "wait, if you're here, and you're not following me, that means you're probably protecting your flag- then your flag has to be nearby."

Minho's face drops for a second. "You're think too much into that." You've known Minho for long enough that you can tell he's lying. His smooth facade slips and his voice becomes serious. Normally, he'd just laugh it off and call you the Glade equivalent to a dumbass.

But, not here. He's become visibly tense.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"So, you won't mind if I... look around?" His jaw tenses, and he remains quiet. "'Cause I think I'm just gonna..."

With no warning, you break into a sprint, slipping past him before he gets a chance to catch you.

Though, you figure you're right when you hear Minho quick to run after you.

Ah shit.

Okay, so, you've raced Minho hundreds of times- more than you can count. But being chased by him?

That's terrifying.

Minho is absolutely faster than you. He's faster than everyone, and you suspect that even in your playful races, he's going easy on you.

But he's not now.

You shriek as he dives into you, sending you oth crashing to the forest floor. You roll a few feet, landing away from Minho as you mainly tripped with him flying over you.

After the initial shock, you scramble up, kicking leaves from under you. Minho is quick to do the same, and you adjust your stance; hands loose and protecting your face, one leg behind you.

Minho scoffs when he realises what you're doing- ready to fight him. He loosely shakes his arms, his smirk playful and full of sparks.

Despite how he's looking at you like a piece of meat, you can't afford to get distracted.

Lunging forward, he blocks you easily. You duck and swing like your life depends on it, catching yourself as you miss and fumble to the side.

You dive again, attmept to kick him, which he blocks, before trying to to punch him. Almost effortlessly, he grabs your wrist, taking you by surprise. It takes minimal effort from him to push you back, somehow managing to grab your other wrist and twisting it into his already used hand, leaving both your arms in the grip of one of his toned hands.

Your back hits the tree before you can even process what's happening, making you gasp at the contact. He pins your arms above your head, firmly holding you in place.

"You didn't seriously think you'd beat me, right?" His tone is dangerously calm and he's far too closer. Closer than he's ever dared be before.

You open your mouth, trying to think of anything to say, but heat beats against your skin as the moonlight breaks through the trees. The noise you make is a strange breathy hum, and Minho's grip loosens for a second when your eyes land on his lips.

Oh, God.

Minho can feel any power he had to begin with, slipping through his fingers when you look at him like that. Your dark-lined doe eyes make his heart beat faster, and it's such a subtle change but he's never seen you like this- so vulnerble; so under his control.

No words are exchanged as he leans closer. He can't help it, he's drawn to you. His grip almost loosens completely as his other hand brushes against your waist, sending a whole new wave of butterflies through you.

"Minho," you mumble and he swallows.

"Don't do that," he mutters equally as quiet, "don't say my name like that."

"How else would you like me to say it?"

He lets out a heavy breath. "Am I going to regret this?" It's obvious what he referring to, but you have a plan.

"Only one way to find out." He takes this as a yes, leaning further into you.

His lips ghost yours. But his grip is gone.

And you have a game to win. No matter how intoxicating Minho may be. Instead of leaning forward and kissing him, you rip hands away from him, shoving him hard in the chest.

Since you've taken him completely by surprise, he stumbles over himself and a branch, landing flat on his back.

You make no hesitation to make a real for it. Sprinting through the forest, you're kind of just running away from Minho over anything else. Looking over your shoulder like you're trapped in a horror movie, when in reality, everything in your body is screaming at you to turn around and rip Minho's clothes off.

Not fully paying attention, your foot snags on a tree root, sending you flying forward and down a hill. You plummet down, rolling and hitting the ground multiple times.

"Ah, fuck," you hiss, any pleasure from you interaction with Minho fading from your senses in an instant, immediately replaced with aching pain all over your body.

Forcing yourself to sit up and stop your head from spinning, you blink, before laughing outland to yourself.

In front of you, in all its glory, is the White flag, sticking out of the ground at a crooked angle. You struggle to stand up, limping slightly, grabbing the wooden handle and yanking the flag out of its spot in the mud.

Your victory is short-lived as crashing noises and snapping branches startle you, forcing you to retort to your defensive stance. It can't be Minho- unless he can teleport and sprint at you from the other direction.

That's made apparent when Gally comes thrashing through the greenery, falling into the greenery.

"Gally!" You hiss. "What the shuck, man?" He stares at you in awe, pointing at you, blinking as you approach, trying to keep your voice down as Minho could he close.

"You got the flag?"

It's now your turn to blink. "I got the flag."

"You got the flag!" You both laugh, high-fiving and pulling him to bump chests.

Then leaves crunch behind you.

"We should go." You state.

"Yeah, gotta go."

The pair of you start making your way out of the Deadheads, which goes about as well as you'd expect when you break through the greenery and someone on the White team immediately noticed.

"Hey!" They've got the flag!"

Fuck.

"Go! Go! Go!" You push Gally forward.

"I'm going! I'm going!"

All you have to do is get back to Council Hall. Easy- surely.

The pair of you start to book it through the open Glade, stumbling slightly and trying to dodge the White team from all angles.

Somehow, with an entire army behind you, you and Gally manage to cover solid ground. You're both very close to the Council Hall when you're rugby tackled from the left.

"(Y/N)!" Gally shouts your name as you're, once again, plastered to the floor, only for him to follow your lead.

You manage to shove the Glader off, kneeling him in the groin, scrambling on your hands and knees to grab the flag. Getting to your feet, you jump out of your skin when Minho blocks your way to the open door of Council Hall.

"Shit."

"Yeah," he swallows, looking like he's ready to pounce on you, "shit."

He's mad. God, is he mad. Though, he's also experiencing new frustrations more than he ever has before.

"Throw it!" Gally shouts, managing to just about stop someone from choking him. "Throw the shuckin' flag!"

Dipping to the side and swerving Minho, you javelin throw the flag, sending it flying straight through the doors.

You stand in shock, Minho staring at the door. Silence fills the Glade for a second before you hear Frypan cheer.

The entire Black team's chants and cheering echo off of the walls as Gally walks up to you.

"We won!" He laughs, throwing his arms around you as you hug him back, letting out a hearty laugh before Frypan, Jeff and some other team members join in.

They start cheating your name, the other team groaning but begrudgingly coming over to congratulate you.

You're too swept into your victory to even get a chance to talk to Minho until you're deep into your celebrations.

A bit tipsy, with enough liquid confidence to face him, you walk over. He's sat on his own, staring into the flames of the Celebratory Bonfire, a glass jar in his hands.

It's no shock to anyone that he's thinking about the evening's events. Mainly your interaction in the Deadheads.

He can't get it out of his head- the way you looked at him, lips parted, chest rising and falling, your hands held above your head; even just thinking about it is making his head go fuzzy.

"Hey," he's sucked out of his thoughts of you by, well, you as you approach him from behind.

"Hi," he sounds a mix of intrigued and irritated, like he wants to hear what you have to say- preferably an explanation.

"Figured I should come over," you say honestly as you swing your leg over the side of the log, straddling it as you face him.

"Did you, now?" His bitterness is painfully obvious and you roll your eyes.

"You're mad at me."

"Who said that?"

"No one had to say anything- you're sat here pouting and haven't spoken to me."

He scoffs, dropping his head. "I'm not pouting- I- I'm not even mad." He laughs, more at himself than you. "I can't believe I fell for it- shuck, that's the kinda klunk I'd pull if I could. I just- I didn't expect that from you. Still a dirty trick, though."

You suddenly feel anxious. "I didn't- it wasn't meant to be a trick." You stutter over your words, basically mumbling the last part as you drop your gaze, avoiding his.

"What?" He blinks at you and you shake your head.

"Doesn't matter- what did you think of my hiding place?" You change the subject, forcing a wicked grin to avoid the burning feeling you're starting to feel in your face.

"What do you mean?" He takes the bait, not wanting the awkward conversation anymore than you do- but he doesn't have a clue what you're talking about.

"The Black flag? What did you think of my hiding spot?" Minho falls silent, his face dropping before turning into a sheepish grin, which tells you more than enough. "Oh, my God- you didn't find it, did you?"

"W-well, I didn't- I wasn't-!"

You let out a loud laugh. "Oh, my God," you repeat, "you don't know where it is!"

"I wasn't looking for the shuckin' flag! That was meant to me Newt's job- I was just tryna guard ours since I figured you'd go straight on the offensive."

"So, Newt didn't find it then?"

"'Course he shuckin' didn't." You snort at this. "Where is it then? Hm? Where've you hidden it, oh mysterious one?"

You stand up, swinging your other leg over and smiling down at him. "I think it's better if I show you- c'mon."

Minho shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink, but he stands up, jogging to catch up with you as you walk away.

You lead him further through the Glade, your lack of presence not going unnoticed by the Gladers; especially Newt who forced Minho to explain why they lost.

Leading him to the old farm area, it's hard to see in the darkness, but you can still make out his puzzled expression. You grin devilishly as you reach the old barn, pushing open the door and playfully bowing.

The hole on the roof lets the moonlight, illuminating the ink-dark fabric of your skillfully crafted trophy.

"You gotta be shuckin' kidding me," he grumbles as he walks past you, towards the fall that takes pride of place, sticking out of a pile of old hay in the middle of the room. "The abandoned barn? Seriously?" He walks backwards, having spun around to face you.

"Yes, Sir," you joke as follow him, the loose door slamming behind you without your weight on it.

"Sneaky son of a bitch," Minho laughs to himself. "I woulda never thought of this." He turns back around, walking closer to the flag.

"I know," you skip after him, slipping your hands into the back pockets of your baggy pants as you rock on your heel once you reach him. "'That's why I did it. You might have the looks, Boss, but I've got the brain." You playfully point at your temple as he glances at you out of the corner of his eye.

"You think I've got the looks?" You blink at him, his tone now flirty.

"That's not what I meant," you're quick to take it back.

"Oh, yeah?" He turns towards you stepping forward, and you refuse to be a coward and step back, so you hold your ground. "What? Just another dirty trick then, hm?"

You grimace. "It wasn't a dirty trick."

He steps closer. "What was it then?"

"That wasn't meant to happen," your voice lowers as your breath hitches, feeling that same powerlessness you experiences before, except he's yet to lay a single finger on you. "That wasn't planned."

"That doesn't answer my question, does it?"

"Minho.."

"I've already warned you about that."

"About what?"

"Saying my name like... that. Looking at me like that; I can't take it." He closes his eyes, throwing his head back and taking a deep breath.

"What are you trying to say here?"

"You're joking, right?" He pulls his head back to look at you again. "Do you seriously expect me to spend every day with you- competing, flirting, challenging me, and for me to not be attracted to you? I thought I made that pretty obvious." A beat passes as you try to process the new situation you're in.

"You have no idea how it feels watching every guy here want you, blindly listen to you, just because they'd do anything to have you- when I'm just as bad. But I know you, better than any of these shanks do. You don't want someone who will bend to your will and worship the ground you walk on; you want someone that'll push back a bit, someone who will give what they can take. Right? Because I don't know what to do anymore and if you hadn't made a break for it earlier, I would've, I could've- I don't know what I- shuck it! We wouldn't be friends anymore, that's for sure."

You've seen Minho like this. You never heard Minho like this. He sounds almost desperate, his voice is deep, and you can smell the musky scent of earth and natural soap off of him.

"I don't even know what I'm saying here. I don't wanna mess this up but I cant fucking take this anymore. I just-"

You cave, leaning in and silencing him as you lips press to his. It's a quick peck more than anything as you pull away again. "You talk too much," you mutter.

His Adam's apple bobs as he swallows, eyes dipping into you before he pushes forward. Kissing you again, his hands fly to your waist, pulling you close and making you gasp.

Your hands come to his hair, allowing him to grasp at you, his fingers kneading into the skin of your hips under your shirt. He pushes you backwards, hitting your back against one of the fragile beams.

His tongue brushes against your bottom lip, and you part yours in response, allowing your tongues to brush for a second. You repeat the motion, the make-out session becoming more hungry and needy. You drop your arms, pulling at the hem of his shirt instead but he grabs your wrists, pinning them above your head once again.

He leaves your lips, making you whimper as he feathers kisses up your jaw, coming up to your ear. He kisses your tragus, letting himself move further down and pulling your lobe between his teeth. You let out a gasp, arching into him before he suddenly sinks his teeth into your neck.

Well, sinks is too strong of a word, but his teeth brush against the sensitive flesh as he kisses it before starting to suck on it, undoubtedly marking you- almost like he's claiming you.

He repeats the action as he moves further down.

Your eyes flicker around, and for some reason, the hay and the slight breeze and the still-standing flag makes you chuckle.

"What?" His breathing is heavy and his voice is rough and scratchy, but he continues.

"Minho?" You properly get his attention, sounding equally as drunk on lust.

"Yeah?"

"We're not having sex in a barn."

He freezes, pulling away from your neck as he blinks at you. "Huh?"

"We are not having sex in a barn," you repeat, starting to smile slightly.

"Right, yeah," he seems to come to his senses, releasing your wrists before he snorts. You can't help but laugh too, resulting in the pair of you giggling in the middle of the empty room.

"Shuck," he mumbles, "the hell's gotten into me?" This makes you giggle more, then you leans forward again, pecking him on the lips as you drape your arms around his shoulders, and he lets his fall to your waist.

"Though, we... we could go to my hut?" You bite your bottom lip as a sly smirk starts to creep across his face.

"Yeah? You sure?"

You nod. "Couldn't be more so."

Yooo, back again with some Minho spice. This was really fun to write and I love writing some tense flirty competition- which of course means I want to write an Enemies to Lovers with Minho but I don't quite have the idea. Any suggestions?

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed :))

#🍃 petri tmr #🌿 petri writes #🌿 petri tmr minho #🌿 petri writes tmr #tmr fanfiction #tmr minho #minho tmr #minho the maze runner #minho tmr x reader #tmr imagines #minho maze runner

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emerxshiu · 1 month

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FORGOTTEN LAND'S SECOND ANNIVERSARY :3

I AM SOOOO BACK

I started this drawing yesterday around afternoon and finished it just a few minutes earlier.

I went with a messier type of drawing instead of more clean like the elfilin one from yesterday, i find it fun doing it like this, mostly cause i dont have to worry about making it perfectly so i dont get as frustrated as normal. Id place this one as my second best digital drawing. im pretty sure i havent posted what i consider my best digital drawing here, tho i do have it in instagram, i might post it here one day, tho these two are way too tied up, i love how this came out, its not exactly like how i imagined it but its really close to it, and also itd say that since i dont tend to play around lighting that much, this was such a joy to draw and i cant help but stare at it a lot, at least until i start hating it because i made quite a lot of errors. i also changed my elfilis gijinka just a tad bit from last time, but its not that big of a difference, mostly.

ofc i had to draw elfilis for forgotten land's anniversary, i tend to deny it in my head but yeah they're my fave of the kirby characters even tho i hate them a bit. I wanted to draw some more doodles, like, elfilis eating cake, kirby car, a bunch of other stuff (not elfilin cuz i already drew him yesterday) but when i tried i couldnt draw anything more, guess this drawing burned me out a lot, huh?

you can definitly tell i spent all the efforts on him cuz if you look a bit closer to the bottom part you'll see its almost barely detailed, but i mean, they're the focus so make sense i guess for me not add that much detail there. um also, maybe because i dunno i had OVER 130 LAYERS jeez no wonder firealpaca was slowing down so much, i need to manage my layers better next time, tho i did do something i keep forgetting, wich is naming them (most of them at least) that was a real life saver

Also, antares (fecto elfilis' spear/cadaceus), as always, was a pain to draw, but this time its probably been draw the most accurate out of every other drawing ive made with it in it, i didnt notice it was like, a little curved when it reached the blade

some close ups since his face is a bit hard to see

silly :3

fun fact! actually, this is technically a redraw, somewhere around between february and march i started a fecto elfilis drawing for the first anniversary, but i couldnt finish it in time, and i never finished it

thats...quite the improvement! (i remember being so proud of it)

also his wings are like that cuz i did not want to draw the pattern, its way too hard, i literally copy pasted it, wait, i was talking about the 2024 version but i looked at the 2023 one and i just noticed it also has the pattern copy pasted, i guess some stuff never changes since i still abuse the ctrl+c ctrl+v to this day

Also i ended up making a huge error there, i was planing to add the phantom spears from orbital pulsar (the attack he does first when you battle them at lab discovera) but theres an innacuracy, when they do the attack, they always close their eyes, i had actually sketched him (well i mean both these drawings are basically the first sketch (2023) or second sketch(2024) with some color, shadows and lighting. i didnt do lineart in the 2024 one cuz i wanted to be a bit like the og i made (too bad i sketched that one with black since the og was sketched with white due to me drawing the bg first)) with his eyes closed but them decided to make them open for a reason i cant remember, maybe i thought itd look nicer? idk

ive had the idea of redrawing this for quite some month now so it was kinda already planned

background cuz i think it came out really pretty

doesnt have the little stars since without elfilis and the structures it looks fucked up. the actual sky in game is more blue, but the clouds have some orange, in the 2023 ver. i made the sky orange, and in the 2024 ver i wanted it more accurate, but i didnt wanna loose the orange sky, so i did a gradient. pretty...

also here's a screenshot i took when i was like halfway trough it, its barely noticeable but i changed his mouth in the final drawing

I really love katfl, like a buncha whole lot, its basically almost my first mainline kirby game. 100% the demo, finished the game in almost one day, i literally play it monthly, like, every month i put the card in my switch, start it up, get morpho sword, and go shred elfilis in lab discovera. i would probably not even be here on tumblr and the kirby fandom if it werent for it. and i love it so much i genuinly cannot express how much i like it and treasure it with words or anything

Thank you for reading my unnecesarily long rambles lol

I hope i'll post tomorrow and dont forget like usual

Jambuhbye!

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rzyraffek · 1 year

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Slashers with s/o that is spooked by loud noises/sudden movements

Jason Voorhees

aww babi pls dont be spooked! *worried* he will protect!!

He will try his best!! his rather calm and notvery chaotic so he wont cause any problems!!!

But if you are one of the campers and one of them is clearly tiggering you/making you uncomfy he will make sure this person is first to go bai bai B)

Our boi is in the nonverbal gang so you guys are a match ig

Also Jason is probably spooked of fireworks so you both can cuddle in bed while the loud spook is happening

Micheal Myers

Just like Jason, he is nonverbal, and he rather act slowly(exept the whole killing part yknow)

He will kinda understand? Like he spent 20years in asylum with old white balding man, i think he knows what hes dealing with!

He wont get out of his way for most part, but if somone is bothering you he will whoop them

Corry Cunningham

lad's mad, he might do some scary stuff just for funisies (omg guys hes sooooo sillly :/)

But he also protect! He will beat anyone up, no like litteraly anyone, they dont even need to do anything to you, he will beat them up

He will try to calm you down by huggies or taking you to cool places!

Billy Lenz

well erm this this would be difficult

He is loud, fast and chaotic bean, it would take a while to get used to it

I can imagine yall thinking "b-but he is a stealth killer, he littteraly was sneaky sneaky whole movie exept the telephone part" YALL YALL He obviously would be more loud/chaotic when he accualy doenst have to hide around cuz somone might call police on him :O

Look he will try, mostly by just staying at your sight so he wont accidently spook you by suddenly walking from some weird angle, or he will try to talk quieter, but yknow its difficult :(((

Asa Emory <3

Mans smart, he really gets it okay

Alright he kinda finds it cute how you flinch/wimper BUT LIKE he wont spook you on purpose (most of time, and hes good at pretending that he didn't mean it :[ )

But this enjoyment is reserved to him and only him! Noone dares to spook you on purpose! This kind of people dont even deserve to be in his colection B) (to the box they go)

Also he probably dealt with people with similar problems to yours at past, bug guy has huge collection of people im sure that at least 2of them had something like that

Brahms Heelshire

Another smart one, he gets it! Also he assumes that you have some sort of trauma

Even tho he gets it, its difficult for him to sympathize with you

He is not very empathetic person alr

Also house is very empty and quiet and theres no neighbours so theres noone you can worry about! Exept Brahms himself

I feel like Billy and Brahms have similar problem, but Billy at least is trying? Brahms is such a bebi he wont change (for most part) unless you have like very strong reactions to it :(

The man (guy from the hush)

Hes sneaky so he prolly wont cause any problems

His voice is rather calm too so again, no problems

Also his dream life is to live in middle of nowhere so like?? Again no problem???

He might have slight anger issues and sometimes yell but its like very rare?

Guy is an angel (exept the whole hunting humans for sport thingy <3 )

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cupoftaae · 11 months

Note

HII i'd like to request prompt 11 "give me time, give us time" for kookiee? and if its ok id like to give u a small plot just in case you dont know how to work with this if thats okay 🥺

so the tiny tannie lil ol plot for this wuld be: jk being a bit of a workaholic (very much so.) and y/n is quite tired of it.. note that this is non!idol and married! :D they had a talk and a cool plot twist wuld be how y/n was actualy planning to surprise him abt being pregnant!!!GASPAND THEN KOOKIE NEVER NOTICED THE SYMPTOMS CUZ HES BEEN WORKING TOO MUCH!!! and like yeah she getzz rlly emotionsl

AND IF ITS OK CAN U GIVE LIKE AN AFTERMATH OF THIS? LIKE 1 OR 2 YEARS AWAY FROM THE ARGUMET? hope this isnt too much 😭

Hello!! oh my goodness this is so amazing, no one has given me a plot to write by, this is really cool and I hope that I do a good enough job portraying this for you! Thank you so much for sending this in <3

La La Land (JK drabble request)

warnings- mentions of drinking, angst, mentions of pregnancy, swearing, couple fighting, fluff, kissing (nothing major) I think thats all?

enjoy <3

"I cant tell, is this a positive or negative?"

Your voice was shaky and frail, holding up the test to your phone camera, trying to show your friend.

"blurry, cant see, read the box y/n. instructions are there" Your friend sighed, in her defense, it was late, and you called her out of slumber- but only because you were totally hyped at the sudden realization that you were finally possibly pregnant.

You and Jungkook had not necessarily been trying, nor necessarily avoiding it.

You both wanted kids, but never really specified when. Considering the fact you have now been married for 2 years, and your relatives are up your ass about when it is that you will have a baby, even though its not their business at all.

You wanted this for you, and today might be the day you get what you wished for.

"You just took it, let it sit for a moment"

you nodded at your friends words as you placed the test onto the bathroom sink, moving your hands to rest on your hips as your teeth tugged at your bottom lip in thought.

"whats on your mind, hun?" she asked

"a lot..." you giggled, drawing your eyes back to her. "If I am, I just hope Kook is happy, thats all I want"

"mm his schedule is so busy"

"I know, work always comes first with him, thats why im nervous. Its not like he told me to take birth control or anything, and we have condoms he just refuses to use one" you snicker

She laughs, "well then yeah what did he expect?"

"but hes a head manager at the company he works at, hes spent so much time climbing the ladder to get there, what if this throws him in a loop?"

"y/n....girl...listen to me, he is partially responsible for this, so he needs to be accepting or I will personally come down there and make him accepting"

You laughed at your friend, thankful you had some humor relief out of all the tension.

"and listen, you are in your 30's, its not like you are 20 years old and unmarried, you know?"

"yeah...youre right...im gonna look now, I think its ready"

"okay"

You gently flipped over the test and held it close to your eyes, a faint blue plus sign appeared, making your heart thump so loud it was audible in your ears.

"holy shit, its positive!"

"its positive?" your friends voice shot up 3 octaves

"YES!!!" you jumped around, wishing jungkook was home right now to show him, instead bathing in the moment with your best friend.

"congratulations, y/n, oh my god im so happy for you!!!"

"thank you!" you wiped a few tears, gripping the test almost as if it wouldnt be real if you let it go. "oh jesus this is so....wow!"

"remember what I said, everything will be okay"

You nodded, taking a deep breath

"everything will be okay, yeah....your right."

Everything, in fact, was not alright.

It's been 2 weeks since that night you found out you were pregnant, and everytime you think you are ready to tell Jungkook, something happens.

"oh gotta go babe, they are calling me into work"

"too tired to talk tonight honey, i have to get up at 5am"

"not right now baby, maybe tomorrow?"

It never ended, he was in and out the front door constantly.

It was upsetting that the only time youve had to talk with him recently was when you both took a shower a few days ago.

"you look so tired" you frowned, pushing his hair back

"I know...I am"

"you need to sleep more" you kissed his chest, resting against it under the warm water.

He let out a soft laugh, "yeah...when is there time for rest?"

"its okay to take time off, you know? youre a manager, you have more control"

"I just need to prove to everyone that I am capable of handling the position" he insisted

"Obviously you are, they wouldnt-"

"y/n, just dont worry about it....okay?" he squeezed you softly, trying to change the subject and shutting you down, because you wouldnt get it

You wanted your husband, you wanted him more than anything, and this feeling only turned to anger as you sat with him at the dinner table one night.

You were now almost 2 months pregnant and still have not told him.

You planned a nice meal to eat, his favorite.

You cooked all the vegetables and spent hours slaving in the hot kitchen making sure everything was up to perfection for him, just for him to come home at 2am with no text in regard to him being late.

"its late, honey, im sorry, we can eat tomorrow"

You stood to your feet before he could leave the room, all of your dishes sitting on the stove, some now cold. "no, we are gonna eat now."

You know he smelled the food, and never did he once acknowledge the fact you made his favorite dish, or thank you for it.

His eyes widened, not used to hearing the sudden tone in your voice.

"please....please just sit" your voice cracked slightly as you watched him slowly walk back to the seat, sinking into it.

"are you mad at me?" he whispered, watching your back as you heated up the food into a plate for him.

"mad..?" you chuckle to yourself, trying to gather your thoughts.

"yeah, mad. are you?"

You took the food out of the microwave and handed it to him, sitting on the other end of the table and looking at him desperatley.

"jungkook...have you noticed anything...different?"

He smiled gently, confusion in his eyes, "what do you mean?"

Your expression softened from hopeful to dissapointment.

"you dont see...you dont feel like anything is different?"

"no?" he half smiled, looking around awkwardly.

You looked down at your plate, teary eyes overcoming you as you tried hard to prevent your breakdown- but its been a long time coming.

"wha-"

"jungkook!" you cry out desperately, leaving him shocked and confused at the odd behavior.

"baby why are you crying? whats going on? what is this?" he panicked

"You!! im crying because of you!!" you stood, covering your face as you felt the embarrassment fall over you.

"what did I do?" he got up and tried to come over to hold you, but you pushed him away.

He let you talk, not knowing how to respond to anything.

"you are never home, Jungkook. I fucking miss my husband, okay? I spent 4 hours in this kitchen, sick as hell, making your favorite dish and I dont get any type of thank you, instead you come home 3 hours late and decide its time to sleep, you reek of alcohol as well" you wipe you tears hastily.

He stood, looking at you as his eyes teared up

"I know work is important, I know it is, But I matter too Jungkook!! We are married, I am your WIFE! im not just the maid and chef here, you know?

"baby I never said any of that-"

"you treat me like one!!" you cry, pacing the room, "see, you still dont even notice anything do you?"

He looked helplessly, "Im sorry, honey, I really am, but I need work-"

"not this much!!" you looked at him sharply, "Ive been home alone these past few weeks, dealing with a certain situation ive been terrified to tell you about all by myself!"

"im here now, tell me! tell me! what is going on and how can I fix this?"

"I just want you, jungkook....One fucking day, one fucking dinner" you gesture to the table "When was the last time we even woke up together and cuddled, or had a fucking cup of coffee and talked? Months...MONTHS!"

"my angel im sorry ive been neglecting you, why didnt you say something to me sooner?"

"I was trying to understand, I was trying sooo hard to put myself in your shoes but damnit, jungkook, I cant hide it anymore" you sobbed, knowing how crazy you looked to him right now. "Its...its not fair!!"

He gently grabbed your arm, leading you towards him, his eyes searching deep into your own.

You sighed, trying to adjust your breathing, "g-give me time, give us time." you wrapped your arms around yourself and looked at him.

"us?"

You swallowed harshly, trying to steady your voice, "im pregnant, Jungkook. I found out weeks ago and since then youve left me home alone with not an ounce of time for me to tell you, which is now resulting in this"

He froze, his eyes softening at you as he tears up, "pregnant? baby..."

"yes!" you step back, "and...and you didnt even notice! I tried leaving clues, I left the test in your bedside nightstand and you never fucking saw it?"

"n-no baby...youre pregnant, oh my god, honey" he brought you back to him, a soft yet sad smile on his face

"Its been all me, im the only one who has to deal with it and its not fair. If you dont have time for me, how the hell are you gonna manage to parent our child?" you glared "I refuse to parent alone, this is a team effort, jungkook. Yes money is important, but I need you, I need you to stop being a manager first and my husband second"

He took a shaky breath, part of him scared to say the wrong thing, "I- I understand honey" he nodded, holding your hands as he cried "fuck- im so sorry" you let him pull you into a tight hug "Im so sorry holy shit...im such a fucking dumbass, how could I not know?" he ran his hand up and down your back, face hidden into your shoulder as you both cried.

"you need to understand, I am serious, things have to change!"

"they will! they will! I'll change right now I promise Im gonna be here for you, for both of you" his hands held your stomach, desperation in his voice "dont leave...." he whispered

"im not going to, jungkook. But you need to stop working so much, I cant do this by myself"

"you dont have to, im here for you, whatever you need, fuck I'll take the rest of the week off for you, just let me hold you" he squeezed you tighter

"I miss you so much" your voice was quiet

"I love you, im so sorry I never noticed, Im so dumb baby....I love you,I love you" he cupped your face and pressed a delicate kiss to your lips, forehead against yours, "thank you for all you do, im an ass for not recognizing any of it"

"I love you too....just please...do it for us...?"

He nods "anything....for you, i'll do fucking anything baby." he kisses you once more as you both gently sway in the kitchen. The tension of the argument still lingering in the air, thick and prominent.

This wasnt a fixed issue, more so a stepping stone to him proving his words.

If he wanted to be a dad, he needed to show you he was ready for it.

"he is crying again" you sigh, rubbing your eyes and sitting up to look at the baby monitor.

"I'll get him" jungkook immediately got up and walked down the hall, following the sad cries that led him to your baby's room.

"little man...its 4am...why the tears?"he frowned at his 3 month old who's arms flared around.

the first 2 months of Kaiylin being born, you kept him in your main bedroom at night but you wanted to test out how he would sleep on his own, and so far its not been good.

"you want mama, huh?" he picked him up, holding him close and gently bouncing his knees. He didnt smell, so it wasnt his diaper, and he had just been fed not too long ago, so it was easy for jungkook to know he just missed his mommy and daddy.

He slowly walked into the bedroom, you were about to fall asleep. "oh kai" you frown as your husband places him into the bed between you both, his body facing the smaller ones so he doesnt fall out or move around.

"aw baby" you rub his head softly, "its okay now, shh, shh"

Jungkook gives you an empathetic look, "I know you havent slept im sorry"

You shrug, "i'll nap tomorrow"

"I'll take him into my office, he can sit in his rocker while you nap"

You smile softly kissing your husband, "thanks, baby"

You had to admit, Jungkook has stepped up more than you assumed he would. Hes began to work from home, giving time for not only your little family, but especially you and him.

He has been such a help with everything, from watching Kai during the night, to cooking and cleaning for you, its been 100% teamwork since you gave birth and you couldnt thank him enough for it all,

Things were finally starting to even out and you could not have been happier, the man you married in the first place was returned back to you, in the form of a loving father.

"hes sleeping again, look" jungkook whispered

Your eyes darted to the newborn in between you and your husband, you slightly giggled, "poor thing"

"co-sleeping just works I guess" he smiled, leaning over to kiss you gently, "go back to sleep honey, ill watch him for a bit, its okay."

"I love you, thank you..." you looked at him

"I love you too sweetheart"

a/n- ahh! I really hope this is what you wanted, it was fun to write and follow the prompt. Thanks again for sending this in! -Nini

#bts #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook scenarios #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook drabble #bts fluff

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crushedsweets · 8 months

Note

I am so curious as to what you'd think about Nina and Hoodie as a duo. They've been two of my absolute favorites (even if Brian technically isn't even a creepypasta) since I was younger and I've always loved them as a sort of big brother/little sister pairing. They are so siblings to me I adore them. What are your thoughts on the sillies..

OHHH this is actually super interesting... but also im worried i do not have a lot to say because they won't mesh very well/very much. but i will try. not super realistic headcanons i think but what do i know... <3

brian isnt very present in my story, partially bc ik some mh fans dont like the crossover very much. and by time ninas in the story, i want him+tim to kinda separate from slenderman as toby and kate take over. he's still involved and coming around since he gets horrible slender sickness(but its from the operator) if he's away too long, but he doesn't live near or befriend most of the main cast..

nina is very present in my story because i love her and she is such a good and fun representation of the fandom yk. but brian is much more realistic and late 30s man, while nina is a very cartoonish early 20s girl. theyre on very different fields character and life wise...

BUUUUUUUUUT they would still meet of course.

she'd be bubbling around the entire cast, meeting people through jeff. people initially think she's in the same vein as jeff, natalie, and toby, with a LONG list of blood on their hands influenced by the operator, so they just don't think much about it. theyre mostly surprised by how cheery she is, but the proxies are the first to find out she's just... obsessed with jeff..... so thats very off putting. brian isn't fond of it.

nina would develop some light slender sickness(again, from the operator) just by being around jeff all the time, but the operator never infected her because he didn't see her as a worthy vessel. so, she would have to come to the proxies about it. if toby isnt in the mood or busy, she'd just have to hope brian/tim are around with some pills that'll soothe the pain

brian is more likely to help. with nina, he'd be quick to take on a more protective role, trying to console her as she cries on the couch holding her head whining about static.

initial convos would go smth along the lines of "do you want some coffee ? or uh kids like hot chocolate huh... maybe tea" "i'm literally in my 20s please tell me toby has weed somewhere" "that does not help with this pain i promise" "how would you know" "haha. water it is."

brian was a major stoner back in his early 20s and nina thinks its fucking hilarious. . . she'll try to get him to smoke with her but he's rlly not interested LOLLLL.... hes like 15 yrs older than her he thinks its weird .

again, he's not around a lot, but she's always happy to bump into him. she'd be squealing n shit 'HIII BRIANNNN how r u :3' and he'd just be like :) hey nina. and then never answer the 'how r u' bc he doesnt actually wanna sit and talk .

its a good change of pace. he's been through hell and back for well over a decade by this point, everyone around him is a sad sack of shit, and he spent a long time just. fighting to be an optimistic, cool guy to hang around . . but .... like.... um..... its hard to be that kind of person after all he's been thru. something about nina just forces that sort of like..... glee out of him . its not a huge difference where he's suddenly bouncing and giggling and whatever, he's still just Some Guy. but he'll be like :) lol .

mayhaps he'd catch her trying on toby's goggles and he'd offer to let her try on his mask. but nina would fake gag and be like 'no i dont want that dirty musty nasty sack on my head' and he'd be like ?????. then he'd say she can wash it and then try it on. which.. as an older sibling.... is the type of shit i'd do just to get my sister to do smth for me that i dont wanna do LMFAOOO. she might fall for it just cuz my dear nina is the ultimate fangirl

i dunno i kinda struggled with this one just cuz in my au, they wouldnt be all that close and the Type of characters they are don't mesh very well, but i am super fond of the concept and would love to try expanding on it more

#asks #creepypasta headcanon #nina the killer #creeped #hcs #ty for ask btw <33

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yelling-space · 5 months

Text

sex hcs

// Might be a lil heavy 4 a first post idk??? thought it be a good indicator of what u can expect from me in relation 2 each charter encase that's sming u want 2 avoid tho,

so enjoy this short summary the Main 4s feelings on/relationship with sex and daans here 2 for some reason

none the left over colours fitted Enki so i made him pink 2 spite him

Cw :(Impyed) child prostitution + s/a

Cahara

-whore by birth,slut by choise

-has a hate-love relationship with sex(regardless position) and kinda treats it like a "get out of jail free" card, rellised from a young age the amount of horrble suitions he can get out of if he opens his mouth a lil wider and swings his hips a little

-can be pear pressured/guilted into agreeing 2 sex + for as mutch as hes into and enjoys sex he feels so gross and unclean and not comfy in his own skin after regadles who its with (he will internaly throw up and try 2 rip his skin of if you call him "exotic")

-will cry if he has totally normal fully consensual sane safe sex w a partner/ his wife

-doesnt understand the religious belifes of immodesty or sodomy esply when those higher up dont tend 2 practice what they preach , OPPOSITE of a prude , open whore.

D'arce

-closeted butch top that didnt realize her desire to fuck pretty men was actually her lesbian soul shining through

-lotta her,,,less practical ,vewis on sex stem from deep rooted homophba + was 2 goal oriented and determined 2 became a knight 2 even think about or consider it before espacping the dugon

-full heartedly believed all women harbour a disgust 4 the male sex organ and that coupes just did not have sex endless it was 2 convive a child , as you can imagine she was in for a surprise when discovering that was not the case.

-horrifically inexperienced and guided by her desire to dominate, and thus becomes known for owning The Scary Strap" that medieval men are afraid of

Enki

-Dead body fucker. That Necromancy spell is NOT going to just go too waist ,

-not all that interested in sex in general and never really saw any reason to engage with it when spell books are literally RIGHT there . saying that he most definitely gets of on having something completely under his control regardless what end the "fucked-fucking" scale he's on

- not really into sex with living people + how he's probably kind of inexperienced due to an isolated upbringing hence the want for control over puppeteering a sexual partner (dead body), or the high he gets off inflicting acts of sadism given how his ideas of intimacy have been twisted from childhood

-100%%%%%%% a fucking freek btw just cuz hes not 2 instered in sex dosnt mean hes not a fucking freek man fucks dead people and probs vry mutch into s/m

Rag

-wife kink. you don't understand how much he loves his wife.

-probs thinks sex is something shared between two lovers and is something meant 2 be full of affection and enjoyed by both party's

-probs see's s/a being viewed as something incredibly disrespectful, cowardly and the abuser deserve of death getting his shit kicked in (this is funny because i like 2 imagen rag starts projecting his dead wife onto cahara when he starts 2 lose it in the dungeon)

-did not know sex work existed or brothels were a thing, got jump scared by it when taking cahra back 2 see his wife with the others , he was vry confused and not rly sure where he was MENT 2 look so spent most the time with his eyes glued to the floor, celling or his friends faces (he respects women even if he's not rly sure what's going on)

Daan

-lil sex adictic freek , dosnt even realy enjoy sex that much,just so used 2 it being apart his life hes not entirely sure what 2 do without it,+allows himself to ast least feel incontrol the situion (for once in his life) cus he knows what the goal is and faster he gets it over with faster he'll be left to his own devices again.

-sex is all he rly knowns and grown up around, as well as one the only things hes ever seen actually be meaningful to anybody,regardless there relationships with there partner. but it feels like its something he owes people/doesnt really enjoy it regardless if he acrly wants it or not.

-dosnt proply understand how relationships work or that there's more 2 them then just sex (or that people could even *want* him for more then sex for that matter)

-sex was allways seen as something transactional or something for control - cant have any of that with fagcat, but can at least indulge in it in a way that makes him feel like he's way 2 finally has some small aspect control his life again.

-Honesty like ¾ his sex life is just him being abused by Pocketcat

#cw implied child abuse #fear and hunger #I hate all them btw #Cahara🤝Daan it's not rape if I don't say no but also don't say yes #cahara #enki #ragnvaldr #D'arce #daan #daan von dutch #Funger #fear and hunger termina #Pocketcat #stupid rambles

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rainstops · 8 months

Text

a separated match

the angst continuation to "perfect match" by @suniix :) hope you like it!!

set in totk, link has to fight ganon :p

a/n: this is dramatic, cheesy, rushed and definitely not my best work

You loved links voice, even if he didn't speak as much. You loved everything about him. The first thing you fell in love with were his eyes. You held the necklace link got for you, always very close to you. And so did he.

But nothing stays the way it was at first.

"link you can't go in there", you held onto his hand, desperately and if he was going to disappear. in this case, that might even be true. he turned to you again and gave you a sad smile. "[name] i have to... theres nothing else left for me to do anymore. its what i was born for", he was reffering to saving the princess. of course it was not his choice. "link you know you could die", tears started swelling up in your eyes. the monsters link had defeated before, were regaining consciousness. "[name] you need to leave", link was not going to let you bring yourself in danger only for him. "but so do you!"

Link looked deep into your eyes, and then onto your necklace. "Here", he took his necklace off and held it in front of you. "So that you remember me", you looked the necklace and then at him. "Are you saying that...", link shook his head. "I dont know", the monsters behind you were groaning and trying to get back up. you took off your necklace as well and handed yours to link. "I know you want to help me, but everything you can do for me right now is bring yourself to safety", link took your hand. his hands were sweaty but cold. and very, very shaky.

your eyes were tearing up, not even thinking about leaving link right now. but link already had everything thought through.

"I love you, [name]", before you could react he put the purah pad into your hand and you felt yourself getting teleported. your stomach dropped hoping there was someway to stop the teleporting process. "not yet", you thought.

you tried reaching forward, to link, to help him, to see him, to reassure yourself he is still there. but instead you found yourself in front of a shrine.

you fell forward and landed on your knees. you just sat there. staring. staring at hyrule castle, and staring at your hands. your mind was not ready to comprehend what had just happened.

and then you remembered the necklace. you took it from your neck and held it in front of you. you looked at the stone, which resembled links eyes so perfectly. wether you liked it or not, that was all you had left from him right now.

after another few minutes, a traveler saw you, and asked you if you were okay. and they had every right to do so, since you were still sitting right in front of a shrine with red eyes and tears on your cheeks. when the traveler approached you, was the time you decided to head back to the house you and link had shared. due to the amount you two had spent travelling, you werent here much, but it was nice to know that you always had a safe place to stay. but maybe it was just nice because you had link to stay there with you.

the following hours were spent crying, your throat sore, eyes puffy and read and your heart hurting.

you didnt wnat to think about the things you were thinking about, but your mind was racing. were you going to see him again? everytime your mind wandered to the thought that he might be... gone, you had to stop yourself. you couldnt allow yourself to think link this.

but yet there was no one who could reassure you that he was going to come back.

you took a look at the necklace still resting in your hand.

there was no one who could reassure you that you could look into his eyes ever again.

you fell asleep, staring at the stone that resembled his eyes, while imagining that it was actually him lying next to you.

tbh i might write a part 2 cuz i dont want this to remain sad

to @suniix : this is so underwhelming I’m so sorry 😭

#rainstops #totk zelda #zelda #link x reader #totk link #loz totk #loz link #totk x reader

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nerves-nebula · 4 months

Note

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

#nnstuff #ask #csa tw #asks are sweethearts

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miranda-mundt-art · 2 years

Note

How did you get to where you are?

I know the easy and immediate answer- practice. Drawing often, drawing daily, and pushing yourself for years. It’s the answer every artist gives and that’s fair, because it’s true.

But how did you keep pushing through? I hate what I make. It’s so hard to just ‘keep practicing!’ when the results are so disappointing. It’s hard to keep at it when I look at page after page of work I’m not proud of. Did you ever feel like this? And what’s the answer if you did? How do I push through this frustration and inadequacy to be able to draw for my own enjoyment and for others’? I want to make comics, I want to make fanart, I want to make art for the sheer enjoyment of it. But I look at my reference and then at my creation and it’s so hard to keep at it.

Is there any advice you could give? Was there anything that helped you if you ever felt this way?

well first off - I don't recommend drawing daily. Tbh I don't. I don't think I ever have unless I was really excited to draw every day but if I don't feel like drawing I usually dont lmfao. You can try scribbling a bit and see if it sparks something in you but I wouldn't push it. You'll just burn yourself out over nothing. But tbh my answer might not be what you're looking for because it's not something that is necessarily healthy lol

WELL okay - one thing that might be helpful is just the concept of letting go of what you think is perfect and that "FINISHED is better than perfect" Because things will never be perfect. So you just gotta learn to work with what you got in that moment and try to do better next time.

But yeah - I feel like my work isn't good enough a lot (not always and not as much as I used too but that's just a thing for artist is the periods of time when your eyes are working better for you than your hands are.) I graduated from animation school in 2011, didn't get into animation, had a job at a call center and thought that was the worst thing that I'd ever done. Worked as a freelance artist for 10-ish years ( childrens books and graphic design) and 99% of that time I didn't draw fan art until Heather's literally took a chunk out of my brain for a year in 2017 and then I joined the WEBTOON contest for Muted in 2019. But if I didn't finish my work then I............ didnt' eat. lmfao. Not like I would starve myself but art was literally my job and i didn't have an alternative to NOT doing it- it was the only way that I got paid. If I spent time making everything perfect then I wouldn't be able to meet my deadlines - and I found very quickly that things that I overthought and tried to make 'perfect' were things that people generally liked LESS (this isn't always the case but I found that to be the way)

So I will say this- idk how old you are - but you're probably young. Even if you're 30 ... you're young. I think a lot of people don't really realize just how much time there is... and things will keep growing and changing the more you do them.

The downside of my method is of course that I can't NOT treat art like a job anymore. It's very rare for me to set time aside to draw "for fun" as opposed to drawing "for work" but I am in a good place now where my work-art IS fun art (i like drawing muted stuff)

I'll recommend an exercise I recommended to someone else the other day - just because I suffer heavily from over working pieces sometimes - try for speed for a while.

I'd encourage you to maybe just sketch a handful of your ideas between 10-30 minutes and then after you are done sketching pick which one you are most excited to work on to keep developing on in that moment key word being - the one you're most excited to work on- not the one you think people will like most. Work on it for an hour - still excited to work on it? no? Wrap up some finishing touches and call it done. DONE not "WIP", wrap it up and put a bow on it. There is always next time :) cuz even if you don't like how it looks now - if you like the concept?? you can keep it and come back to it in a couple years and redraw it and see how you've improved since then and see how you can build on your original idea!

#m answers asks #art advice

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orangelemonsstuff · 2 years

Text

Omori Au!Heartslabyul

Summary: Riddle has been living in the red space for as long he can remember

"dont worry"

"everything is going to be okay"

Riddle wiped his tears as he continues crying, his chest feels heavy and nothing seems to be right

"no matter what happens"

"promise me that we'll always be there for each other..."

a black door

a person with guilt,

and a friend that is there to comfort him

"promise me..."

Welcome to red space

you have been living here for as long as you can remember

Riddle opens his eyes as the black lightbulb darkens before his eyes

he moved his body as soon he gained consciousness

he sat properly as his lifeless eyes stare at the endless red space of nothingness

he looked back up to the black lightbulb and how it buzz with eminent darkness

he stared at it for a few seconds then focused on his footing as he stood up

he walked towards a rulebook

take a look inside?

he flips the pages of the book, reviewing the unidentified scribbles, and drawings he made when he was alone in the red space.

after he reviewed the page, he moved on to look at a black heart shaped tissue box

a tissue box to wipe your sorrows away

interested no more, he moved towards the square gadget laying on top side of the box he was sleeping

you booted up your tablet

his finger moved towards the only icon that shows up to the screen

it was his journal

he looked at the first two row entries of Day ??? with the same text "Today, i spent time in the white space, everything was okay" and the gazed upon the rest with also Day ??? but with the same over and over "today, i visited my friends. it was okay."

like on the lightbulb he gazed at the screen for a few seconds to read every single one of the entries even though it was the same on everything with his emotionless black eyes,

he closed the app and for a minute he just stared on the homescreen

you stared at the screen

a moment later he pressed the button on the side of tablet to close it off

the heat from the tablet warmed your hands, it felt nice

standing up again he approached the red hedgehog sitting across from the corner of the line

"...? (waiting for something to happen?)"

and then,

*CLINK*

something fell nearby

Riddle turned his head from the sound and walked around the red space

there were white wiggly hands that started chasing him all of the sudden but he escaped, well, some of them...

while trying to run from a hand, he came across a royal baton laying on the ground.

as he took it another hand spotted him and started chasing him, he closed his eyes as it reached him, opening his eyelids he realizes he was back from where he was before.

he turns his towards the door

"a red door casts a faint shadow"

he opens the door as he finds his friends playing cards

they run to him with excitement and full energy

"today might be the same day as always...or not."

quick a/n: Happy birthday Sunny from Omori :D (i wrote this fic because i have this idea for a long time now, they are the only dorm that has 5 members and only dorm i can think that rlly fits them, i love Heartslabyul Dorm and so is Omori so why mot combine both right? (this is short for a reason and thats cuz this is just a brainrot)

#omori au #twst #twst fanfic #twst riddle #twisted wonderland #heartslabyul #hello omori and twst fans :3 #twst omori au

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finiffy · 2 years

Note

All serious answer though:

1. Know the difference between values and morals. Just because you THINK it’s the right thing, doesn’t mean it IS the right thing.

2. If you’re doing blind dating, online dating, etc. GET THEIR FUCKING POLITICAL VIEWS. You cannot and I mean CANNOT date someone who actively wants you dead.

3. Be functional. I mean it. Dysfunctional will pave the way for codependency. You don’t want that.

4. Make sure your partner understands FRIES. It’s an acronym for the baseline of consent and is very important, romance or not

5. Take notes about your partner, every small detail matters. (Don’t track addresses but like things they are fixated or interested in)

6. If you have a friend with a history of causing problems (not just for you but for others) don’t tell them shit. Especially if they’ve exploited you for entertainment before

7. Take your time to educate yourself on your partners neurodivergency (im going to bite the next mfer that dates someone with DID/OSDD then says “I can’t stand them they’re like a completely different person sometimes”)

8. Be careful who you introduce them too. Just cuz someone is friend or family doesn’t mean they’ll get along well.

9. Leave at the first signs of abuse.

10. Literally, the second they punch the wall in aggravation, or the moment they do something as a lapse of judgement, pack up and get out

11. Try to avoid kids. I know some people strive for families but a kid is a very permanent decision that will affect not just your life, but an entire human beings life. And I mean this, kids might seem cute n all but they aren’t pets. They are humans

12. Don’t combine everything of yours, you need to still be able to be your own human being at the end of it all. If you are giving up everything for that person, then you shouldn’t.

13. You don’t have to tell them everything, only the things needed to provide comfort and things that will affect consent.

14. If dating, make sure you have 1 person that knows your location. Have something for defense, have your own form of payment, stuff like that.

15. Use your own transportation to get to and from dates

16. Even if you don’t use them, keep extra hygiene/care products in your apartment.

17. Be clear about your intentions, and make sure they’re clear about them to you.

18. If you’re mad, don’t erase message conversations

19. If your (hopefully long term) partner is new to the world of neurodivergency (either from being sheltered or hurt) don’t be afraid to help them with understanding, but make sure they know you can’t carry them on your back, lead the horse to water, but after that it’s up to the horse to drink.

20. If the relationship becomes a game of “who needs therapy more” it’s not worth it.

21. Don’t trust a guy with firecrackers in his pocket

22. Don’t cave in to sweet talk.

23. If someone makes a really really REALLY big deal out of a small issue, especially to try to make themselves look good, run.

24. Dont date someone who doesn’t love you. Seriously. I don’t care if they’re hot. Dont.

25. Dont merge friend groups with your date

26. Be up front about personal things “I have nsfw content on my phone, but I’m not cheating” and be adamant about the truth. After that it’s a game of dead dove. If he insists you’re cheating it’s on him if he finds Lightning McQueen Mpreg on your phone gallery instead of texts to your friend Steve.

27. Dont. Gift. Art. Unless. You. Have. Copies. Saved.

28. Apologies are better spent in action than in words. 100 sorries is nothing compared to truly changed behavior.

29. Be up front about who you’re hiding what from. If they want to violate that secrecy then you know whose side they’re on

30. If your partner trusts you enough to talk about your trauma, and it results in a deadly silence, move on. It sounds rude but as someone on the other side of that condundrum I’m going to bite the next guy I have to renegade away from

31. Your perfect partner might be stupid as fuck. Tolerate it

32. If you’re actively looking for partners and you have quiet a few standards, don’t be afraid to step back on the efforts a little.

33. Make sure you understand the in depth of long term

34. Make sure you understand the in depth of polyamory

35. Don’t try “unicorn hunters”

36. Not even once

37. If you think it is a cult, it probably is

37.2. You think this doesn’t apply to relationships, but it does.

38. If you got abused, it’s not your fault. Attackers will seek out their perfect victim.

39. Make sure you have faces with names

40. If your partner was abused by a friend, just drop the friend, seriously.

41. Prioritize doing things WITH not FOR

42. Understand when enough is enough.

43. A good relationship means balance. You and your partner can carry one another with no issue. And can support each other, however, you both can move apart without an issue. If you are bending yourself backwards for them, have communicated this, and they don’t listen, run. I know it’ll hurt. Just do it

44. If your relationship fails, and you get That Painful Feeling. Ignore it. Seriously. If you feel like you’re going to die just power through it.

45. Prepare. For. Anything. This doesn’t always mean something negative. But hey. Maybe you’re on a date and you suddenly pass a museum that happens to have the exhibit you both love up. Better have the cash to detour.

46. Carry an epipen with you on your first couple dates if you’re doing online dating.

47. If you aren’t allergic to seafood, and the date is going horribly wrong, and you can’t bail, order crab legs. Just mow down as many as you can. Murder the plates.

48. Seriously. Be independent.

49. Have backup plans. Even tiny towns always have something

50. Be up front if it takes you a while to get feelings for someone. It took me 3 years in a relationship to say “I love you” for the first time. And be upfront about your comfort

-clueless

Ps. I feel like your face what that one ratatoullie reading meme for all of this

#fin answers #clueless anon #long post

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this-should-do · 2 years

Note

Sorry I really wanted to ask this-

Shephard Swap AU? (Mitchell is put in infinite stasis, Adrian ends up Abluquerque for the HDTF story, their experiences in Black Mesa are kept completely the same)

I wanted to ask, what *you* think would happen/change because of this, seeing as this type of AU really fully hinges on your own interpretation of Adrian Shephard.

Ya know if you want something to ponder about..

Bro i fucking Love pondering shit so absolutely do not apologize for askin this, cuz its a real thinker and i spent like 3 or so hours straight writing it lmao it could be better but this is a first draft and im not editting it cuz im lazy

So obviously, this is already a challenge because the plot of hdtf is just,,,, one of the plots of all time. its contrived and relies on A Lot of asumptions and a mischarcterization/understanding of gman and how and why he does what he does. granted we dont know much about gman but the gman in hdtf is just strange? i guess, hes definately far more hands on than valve writes him, but also im realizing that gman is far mroe hands on in adrians story, actively helping him (something he doesnt do for gordon and barney is just not even on his radar), so i guess it sorta makes sense that adiran and mitch have theri stories intertwine like they do, might even be a part of the reason that berken tied them together like that since gman play such a pivotla role in mitchs story (i doubt it honestly but we can give him this for funsies)

so assuming were all familiar with the plots of both hdtf and opfor wers gonna start with why ours boys are getting switched

so in hdtf, gman has mitch on standby getting power to that he can be a distraction in the future at some point so gordon has an easier time to do things?? (even tho the point in time hes a distraction is when the combine literally cant get to gordon becuz hes in a week long teleport but whatever) all becuz he said sum funnywords? but also the perpetual prescence of gman in the flashbacks implies that mitch has been a fascination of gmans for quite some time,,,, weird

so what were gonna do is apply that fascination to adiran in the first place as well, and adiran who already did a buncha cool shit (which mitch did not do which makes him lame to gman) is gonna be gmans backup for if gordon needs help in the future (i say if becuz im interpreting gmans time onicience as a 'he can only guess which path this universe is gonna go down', cuz his dialogue about him having to convince his employers that alyx is gonan be worth it, and with hla the him we see is a him from the future ona particular path changing things up on purpose)

but plot twist gman didnt really want him doing all that shit becuz it fucks with his plans so he brings adam back (int he hev suit not for deception purposes but to make sure that he stays alive long enough to adrian who has had no prob killing entire groups of blackops and adam got his ass handed to him already by mitch) to kill adrian with the promise of killing Corporal Shephard (intended to be adrian), but adam ends up killing the shephard he wanted to (mitch) and gmans like fuck damn okay not what i wanted but i guess you did what i asked you to, but anyways next assignment you gotta help the important shephard stay alive, (gman makes mitch deadnt as insurance to make sure adrian stays in line later down the line or whatever, honestly he doesnt need mitch alive but this is what ive got in terms of putting mitch in stasis)

so at this point adrian gets a deal with gman to be allowed to make it out of black mesa becuz hes so poggers its be sad to see a life wasted, hes just gonna owe gman a favor later

so act1 plays out much the same wiht adrian at the helm, he wakes up in the hospital, meets up with nick and is sent on his way to find colonel cue, meets up with adam who has been sent there to make sure adrian doesnt start blabbing to people about what they saw in bm (but also secretly to ensure that adrian hates freeman cuz he would def know what happened to mitch when adrian mentions/ asks after him, and adams gonan for sure lie to cover his ass and be able to do his "job", this causes adrian to say sumthign along the lines of "goddam, sunovabitch i shoulda killed that orange cremesicle lookin ass when i had the chance" thus keeping eveything setting up for the whole name of the game) cuz that was one of gmans concerns about letting adrian go in the first place, which still confuses me cuz lots of people knew stuff in black mesa and got out just fine but also whatever. and from here it really doesnt change at all, adrian eventually ends up captain of the avalon vale, and off they sail

so now act2, also goes p similarly, adrians been on a warpath fucking up combine cuz damn, another overwhelming set of aliens to kill, better get to it, so now hes off teh go fuck up the "weapons" factory up in alaska, turns out its a bunch of slave children making the worlds first cremators all being headed by headdipshit boris. now adrian does not like this, he instead of talking to boris just straight up shoots him, like "fucka you, u suck", takes the kids (including sasha) and proceeds to destroy the entire facility back in line with mitchs descion making.

now act3,,,, is a doozy,,, cuz adrian is a far different man than his brother (frankly they wouldnt even call himself a man, he is nobiney lmao) so when gman shows up and tries to prey on his dislike of freeman for killing mitch to get him to kill freeman, adrian is older and obviously less intent on killing some guy that is not combine, even if he doesnt like the bitch, so gman pulls out the old "well fun fact, i can bring u rbrother back if u kill freeman" (this is valid cuz its int eh same vein as hla ending) so adrian is like ",,,,fine" so he sets off, however he doesnt team up with the combine on this one, cuz he really, really doesnt like the combine and also doesnt have a weird edgelord "well wed do the same thing as them if we could" thing going on that i guess would lend him to being willing to team up with them like mitch does

so now adrians off to kill freeman, but this time teams up with the resistance to get a chance at getting close to gordon, by earnign thier trust, cuz chances are if theyve been killing combine for 20 years, theyre gonna hve come in contact witht hem at some point, this also functions as bolstering the reisitances numbers, helping meet the distract the combine from gordon quota that adrians is meant to serve, to do this he eventually gets sent to bmeast to meet up with eli to discuss numbers and shit or whatever, which places him near gordon but is just a near miss as they arrive right around the time of the combines raid, so adirans gets a chance in the confusion to go after gordon without looking sus and immediatley being blamed for killing gordon.

this sets off a similar chain of events to og hdtf, goes thru ravenholm, galavants across the countryside, gets to those rebel outposts or whatever and gets info under the guise of helping gordon so they tell him where to go, eventually makes his way to nova prospekt, is too late to get to gordon but is there fast enough to kill neoguh combine to ensure gordon adn alyx can get into the teleporter (ie making gordons way easier), so now hes gotta fight his way out, still ends up washing out into the ocean, but instead of being captured by rebels hes saved by them, he wakes up in that prison theyre holed up in, and goes to send a message to adam and nick cuz he misses his besties (adrian does not end up making it a polycule, but adam and nick still date) and wants to meet up with them again to regroup cuz adrian is fucked up to the most after all of that. (i am not having gman show up to plot explain shit to adrian cuz i think thats stupid)

now at this point adam is looking at adrian and is like, damn this is all my fault that hes gone on this suicide mission to kill a guy who didnt even do the crime, and this time round adam is going to be the bigger man and say "hey man, i was the one who killed ur brother, u dont gotta be fighting two wars at once" this causes adrian to just fucking loose it honestly, damn near kills adam but thankfully nick is there to buffer, and once seperated adrian just sobs, and this time adam and adrian get to talk shit out, adam also kinda says that he saw gman take mitchs body so he might still have him somewhere, so now were like wait shid is mitch still somewhere, this eventually si confirmed by the vortigaunts who can see that oh yeah these bitches have been fucked with by gman also ur brothers alive and gmans got him in his clutches

so since adrian technically did his job gmans not gonna come after him all that much, specially since adrians gonna continue to fight with the resistance to help freeman so hes doing overtime at this point

so eventually he still goes to borealis, but this time in a timely manner since he finds out about it thru the resistance, using the avalon vale, but also with an ulterior motive to a) kill that sunuvabitch gman and b) get mitch back adn thats the end of the game !

honestly, it would make more sense to not have gman force adrian to kill freeman but i decided to keep it that way so that its still hdtf, but honestly, it seems more likely with adrian there that gman would tell adrian to go help out the resistance, but we can write that option off as gman being a messy bitch lmao

#ask #iwillspeakincessantly #ponderingradioactivedecay

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goremet-chef · 1 year

Text

random little (very long) vent thing lamaoo

my birthday is soon and im like. IDK ive just been incredibly fucked up recently with like. anti trans legislation and general negativity, so ive been trying to keep away from twitter since thats where i see most of it

last year, my mother had me come get my cake with her and to my surprise it said "happy birthday dominic" and i couldve cried, like i was wearing my face mask cuz it helps my dysphoria but holy shit i was smiling so hard

she said dominic when she sang my bday song with my siblings and it made me really happy

she hasnt called me dominic since, and whatever im like. im not really over it but i will say and act like i am because it prevents me from dwelling on unnecessary pain yknow?

i guess recently she's had a change of heart, cuz she told my sibling that she wants to start calling me by dom and that she doesnt want me to hide who i am from her, and i know what she means definitely

ive been very like.. closed off? especially since her bf came back (he fucking sucks i hate him) i just havent spent time with her or anything unless hes gone cuz i definitely dont feel comfortable being myself around him

anyways this is pretty cool all things considered. i have told her before that i knew she wasnt gonna be part of my journey and ive accepted that, and usually i say shit and she just ignores it but maybe she actually heard that and listened

so, dominic is having his 4th bday soon and im happy about that, but like.. we're gonna go do mini golf for my bday which is a surprise! because i mean. if you know me, i dont really like to leave the house, like at all. i guess thats kinda how covid affected me? theres no reason to leave the house anymore so i guess i wont (and i guess it worked cuz i havent gotten it) but it was like. so horrible for my mental health

like i always said "oh, yeah, i dont mind being inside id prefer to not go outside anyways" and thats true but its like. doubled my social anxiety somehow. im normal in public until theres people around me or god forbid interacting with me 💀💀 the way i act when i have to buy my own shit is awful, i get sweaty and i stutter and i shake, i need to take a long breath after it fucking sucks it feels awful. JUST TO LIKE. PUT SOMETHING AT THE CASH REGISTER AND AHVE THEM ASK IF I WANT A REWARDS CARD OR WHATEVER THATS ITTT it sucks

so yeah im surprised i agreed to it, but its glow in the dark minigolf and one thing about me is i love minigolf and i love glow in the dark im gonna have a five nights at freddy moment (which means i gotta wear my shirt like i just gotta) and im sure itll be great fun (pleased about glow in the dark cuz im sure itll be. DARK in there and i dont have to worry so much about people seeing me)

my problem is that im hanging out with my aunt as well and i love my aunt!! everyone on my dads side except for my dad is amazing i love them, but i dont know how she would be yknow? idk if my mom has spilled the tea about it and told her or if theyre gonna just put my deadname on shit this year again like. i dont know

what if it did say dominic? how would my aunt react? its scary to think about, im so scared to LOSE more of my family

i havent even technically lost my moms side, its just that theyre a bunch of racist queerphobic losers and i know if they knew me, they wouldnt want me anymore

yeah im just stressed about it, all this shit is starting to pile up inside of me and i feel like ill explode and jsut say fuck everyone im ME and i dont give a fuck what you think, cuz no, i dont

my immediate family that i live with knows, my grandma knows, thats all that really matters. the only benefits to knowing my great grandparents is they give me money on my birthday, and that might sound hollow or whatever but its true, they fucking suck

just gettin tired of this sht yknow? even now, there is a hostile on the farm!! my moms bf is so homophobic, most likely transphobic too

hes SPECIFICALLY annoying, all the shit i order comes under dominic and hes brought me my things multiple times so he knows, but he'll still say shit like "thats how females are" or "hello girls" and to me its honestly like

its FUNNY because its like the only thing he knows about me is that to him, im a girl SKFJS like genuinely. i dont share anything with him because i fucking hate him, hes the absolute worst. the fact that theyre married and hes my stepdad technically is something i just deny, im never calling that man my dad lol

anyways im thinking about getting a hip binder? i realize thats one of the things im insecure about, is my fat is at my hip and even when i bind it gives me a feminine sort of shape so a hip binder would be great

i realize that i actually dont care so much if im plus size, i just care if my body looks feminine or not

i will absolutely be your fat guy friend with no hesitation okay like that shit? yes im so content for now like that is acceptable, but yknow fat distributes differently so its either baggy ass clothes orr stay inside SKJF

okay im done talking thanks for coming to my ted talk you are safe (for now)

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