#Chasity Bailey

[man-down-in-hatchet-town]

Nerdy Prudes is so funny, it's like: Local prude Grace Chasity has one (1) sexual fantasy. Six dead, four injured, one driven insane.

[zestysharkwolf]

I really like making these

[kairithemang0]

Who made this and can I give them a hug???

[oswaldpettyeyeart]

Hatchetfield Requests!

All of these are from Blinky's Rewatch Party Discord server.

Sorry, it's a long one lmao.

[ohnoitsjetster]

They’re besties now

[im-not-a-l0ser]

Do they wear a watch? (NPMD)

Richie: Obviously we're starting with him, and yes, he does wear a watch. He used to have a sailor moon watch, a Pokémon watch, a few more anime, but now he just has a black and blue, waterproof digital watch, since those ones were too fragile (ie, people kept breaking them)

Ruth: She has a watch but it's broken. She wears it every day and constantly forgets it's broken.

Pete: Absolutely he does. He has a waterproof analog watch that he has to stare at for at least 30 seconds to read, but he does have it.

Steph: She doesn't have a watch, but she will yank Pete's wrist to read his.

Grace: She generally doesn't wear a watch, but she does wear one to church so that she doesn't have to pull her phone to check the time.

Max: No, but he for some reason keeps looking at his wrist as if he does. Like, he'll pull up his sleeve and everything, and then realise he doesn't wear a watch and has to pull his phone.

Shapiro: She absolutely wears a watch. No explanation needed.

Bailey: He used to wear a watch, but the strap broke after a rough kerfuffle.

Jason: He wants one but forgets to buy one

Kyle: He thinks watches are stupid

Brenda: She has a smart watch

Stacy: She thinks watches are ugly

Solomon: He wears a watch, and so does Miss Tesburger. They make sure they're synced up every week.

[skylarksof]

Do you even UNDERSTAND. I’ve never known darker times, and I covered the protest live at the Hatchetfield kennel. I am Dan Reynolds. (…with action news weekdays at 10pm) I hate to relay the news, but the football team might be screwed- stay inside, watch your children, CUZ A LOSIN’ STREAK’S COMIN’! (A losin’ streak’s comin’!) THERE’S A MAN ON THE LOOSE AND HE’S GOT A GUN, BETTER PUT OUT THE APB. The psycho’s killed two, if he gets me next, make it threeeeee (if he gets me next, I could be three!) We’re chasing wild goose and we don’t know how, watch the blame go around! Man down, down, down, who’s swinging the hatchet now? In HATCHET TOWN

[starkidsdaily]

[teamstarkid-polls]

[atoneofconscious]

Onion Headlines in Hatchetfield

[pinazee]

Heres a few more random HC’s because i get bored at work!

TGWDLM

Paul has hiked every trail in hatchetfield. He once tried to get emma to go on a hike with him early in their relationship but when he showed up at her place at 5AM (not 5pm like she thought) she nearly ended it right there. Paul spent that day in absolute despair thinking that he ruined things with her but she texted him later and they hung out at a beach instead. He promised to never show up before 10am again- (unless he was sleeping over ;) -emma)

Bill Woodward and Mark Chasity have been in an unspoken feud for several years all because they both brought cinnamon rolls to a church bake sale and it got competitive. They, of course, were polite but would add small comments like, “oh adding orange zest was certainly an interesting choice,” and “wow, i love how large they are! Almost too large! Haha!” For years. Just petty comments.

Black Friday

Tom and Becky are karaoke royalty. It took some time for her to get used to people watching her for the right reasons again, but after tom coaxed her into singing the classic don’t go breaking my heart and receiving a standing ovation, that old cheerleader came right back out. Their most popular request is Lousiana Woman, Mississippi Man by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty as they really make it their own (tom seems like a country fan, but just the old stuff, everyone groaned at first but then they killed it).

Gary was a nerd his whole life but always managed to hang out with the popular kids and college students. He’d let them copy his homework, praise them endlessly, debase himself if he had to- all to be a part of the “right” crowd. Most of his clients are actually old “friends” that he charges up the ass (and i like to think, even if it doesn’t quite mesh with his personality, that he balances this out by doing a fair amount of pro bono).

NPMD

Ruth failed her drivers test twice because she’s too aggressive. Richie never tried, preferring to bike (and plans to move to chicago for college so why bother) Petes been able to drive since he was 13 because ted taught him in case he ever needed a designated driver (he was being responsible! What? You want him to drive drunk and hit some poor old woman just trying to cross the street at 3am?)

Detective shapiro (as a classic detective thriller trope) was secretly working on a cold case from chicago when she moved to hatchetfield. Its the one case that haunted her and forced her to seek refuge in a small island town. After the incident with max though, she finally dropped it, accepting that some things could never be explained. [And just for fun, she’s a fervent knitter. Im talking 2 full closets of just blankets ;) ]

Ruth has auditioned for the local theater 6 times, but they have no idea what she sounds like. They let her stand on stage for a minute, hand her a lollipop as they usher her off, and politely say “maybe next time, ruth.”

Richie was on a first name basis with the local comic book shop. When they heard of his murder, they put up a memorial for him with a display of (almost) all the manga he’d bought from them.

[stupid-starkid-headcannons]

My personal headcanon is that Pete and Ruth broke down as soon as they heard Richie died and missed everything after that in the office with Shapiro and Bailey, and Shapiro begins to think it's Steph and Grace.

Then, when she meets them in the woods, she fully believes Pete is a hostage. She's met him before when he went to report his brother's disappearance. She has a soft spot for the kid and feels like she has to protect him from the supposed Terrible Twosome

oh. i like this

[carpenoctemnyx]

Guarantee if Officer Bailey was the detective and interviewed Grace, he absolutely would’ve believed her and went after the whole population of Clivesdale.

[fullsaw]

what the fuck is happening

[blueberry-bar]

Nightmare Time By Me Pt. 1

[so-i-say-no-to-status-quo]

hatchet town: pro-shot vs digital ticket!

here's how they performed it with the cameos vs on stage. (the lines i typed are the only one's that got changed) the digital ticket is also the version on the npmd album (buy here!). digital ticket available only with the bonus features (buy here as well :))

ziggy was in the school, we all know they're the local mule selling drugs to our children/so? is that a crime? reynolds was in the school, we all know he's the local mule selling drugs to our children/i'm a volunteer counselor!

barry's on the loose and he's got a gun and he's got motive to kill!/i'm in a hurry! bailey's on the loose and he's got a gun and he's got motive to kill!/i'm a cop!

careful or your kids will end up on karen's plate! careful or your kids will end up on charlie's plate!

until gerald...went on his murder spree/i knew it was gerald!/linda, call my lawyer. until jerry...went on his murder spree/i knew it was jerry!/it was girl jerri, that dirty girl!