#Clean Master Portable

[bibbityboppitybillyharvgrove]

Chipper and Pleasant - S.Snape

Summary - When she got overwhelmed with the baby, Y/N went to who she knew could help, her husband Severus.

Pairings - Severus Snape x Wife!Reader

Warnings - Stress of a baby, use of Y/N, female reader, Snape is a girl dad

Author's Note - It took a bit because I've been so busy but she's here.

Based off this request from an anon! Thank you for the request!

my masterlist

Feedback is welcomed and encouraged!

Enjoy!

not my gif

The Hogwarts students only knew Severus Snape as a cold-hearted professor whose class was near impossible to pass. Even the other professors thought he was a hard ass but most of them had known why he was such a hard ass as well as cold. There were, however, only a small few people who truly knew Severus, one of them being his wife Y/N. 

They had gotten married right out of Hogwarts, Severus never really understanding how love can change a life until he met her. And don’t even get him started on when his daughter was born. Even the students had noticed a slight change in attitude from the professor. They were never able to connect the dots until one day a woman and a baby walked through the great hall during dinner. 

Y/N was having a hard time soothing their daughter, no matter what she did she couldn’t get the baby to stop crying. She was desperate and knew that Severus was the one that could calm her in a minute. The wailing of a baby made Severus’ head lift, knowing that it was his baby. He quickly got up and rushed over to his overwhelmed wife, gently taking the baby from her.

“Is she hurt? Are you hurt? Are you girls okay?” Severus rushed out as he cradled his daughter, looking both of his girls over. 

“She just won’t stop crying Sev, no matter what I do she just won’t stop. I was just trying to clean the house and she started and I tried to feed her but nothing-”

“Okay, it’s okay love. Relax, take a breath,” He soothed his wife quickly before turning his attention to the baby in his arms. He noticed a tooth poking out from her gums, another right beside it. “I see the problem here. I have just the thing you need, my sweet girl.”

“What is it? She’s okay?”

“Her teeth are coming in, she’s hurting. I had a draught made up and ready for this. Come with me.” The couple was quick to leave the great hall, the second they left the students started to gossip about the scene they had just witnessed. Dumbledore allowed the students to discuss before interrupting.

“May I have your attention please,” He waited for the great hall to fall silent once more, “Thank you. I ask that you allow Professor Snape to tell you about what you have just witnessed rather than start rumors. He will tell you so do not push him to answer questions.”

The next morning, Severus had taken his daughter with him to his first classes to let his wife sleep for once. The baby was sleeping peacefully in a portable crib next to his desk. “Good morning, students. There are a lot of rumors going around so I’m going to debunk them. That woman is my wife and this baby is my child. Simple as that, let’s get on with the lesson.”

The day went by quite quickly, the couple being the main talk of the whole school. Everyone was surprised that Snape was a major softy when it came to his girls. They had never seen the broody professor smile so much, let alone ever. They had never heard him speak gently or with a shred of happiness until his girls showed up. They had started a petition to get his family to stay at Hogwarts with him because he turned out to be so pleasant with them around. The potions master turned out to be a happy man with his family who was there to stay with the go ahead from the headmaster. Severus Snape was no longer known as the broody and cold professor but now the chipper and pleasant professor.

[dearchronicme]

So you were diagnosed! What should you have in your go bag? A master list

Electrolytes: I cannnot stress the importance of this. Even if you don’t have POTS or dysautonomia, it’s always good to replenish your levels of sodium. Liquid IV is affordable, but also has added sugars. I use LMNT, and Nuun Mostly, all of these should be available at Target or your closest pharmacy!

Medical Card/ID: When I experience an episode, I often lose the ability to hear and speak. Having a card that has that information can be extremely helpful, especially if you are about to faint.

Fomatadine: Good for MCAS and GI issues

Pain Reliever: Aspirin is the most popular as it’s compounds can have anti-inflammatory properties, that may help with other symptoms but Ibprofen and Acetaminophen will work just fine!

Face Cooling Stick: Found at five below, and can also be found on Amazon! Works so well

Salt Packets: In case you need some sodium in a pinch

Pulse Oxometer: to check your pulse or have others do it if you faint.

Blood Pressure Cuff: helps keep track of BP and what else is going on when you’re experiencing a flare

Zyrtec: Best for Allergy Management or Histamine intolerance. Literally what they give you at the ER for an Allergic reaction

Benadryl: Controversial as it has been linked to studies of dementia. However, always good in case you need it in a cinch

Cool Pack/Heat Pack: have both just in case. Can’t express how much it has saved me.

Gum/Tic-Tacs: Keeps your breath fresh especially after the occasional vomit episode.

Medical ID/tag: if you have one, keep i5 on your med bag.

Emesis bags: just in case you have to throw up

Dramamine: motion sickness

Zophran: best of the best. Has really helped nausea, you do need a rx though

Ginger Gum/chews: helps with nausea

Hand towels/tissues: my palms often get sweaty, so it’s good to have something just in case

Alcohol wipes: Good for if you need to do a finger prick, or just want to be extra clean

Hand Sanitizer: again, good for clean hands, especially when traveling

Portable fan: great for cooling off or when you experience a hot flash

[xavviluin05]

Parasites as the Foundation of the IPC World

Historically, the IPC nation has always been closely connected to biotechnology, which has played a significant role in their way of life.

Perhaps the most striking example of their advancements is the hybrids—anthro-animals, dragons, and other monstrous creatures that are now full-fledged citizens of the IPC.

However, not all of them are sentient. Some are created and utilized solely for specific purposes. For instance, parasites—scientifically referred to as symbioorganisms.

Taking on various forms and sizes, these organisms are widely used across all aspects of life, from medicine and cosmetics to construction.

Nearly every IPC resident hosts micro-mites in their mouths—tiny creatures that clean their teeth, maintain their hygiene, and eliminate harmful microbes.

If you step into an ordinary house and take a closer look at the chandelier, you'll find that it's actually a glowing plant. This plant grows through the walls and floor, simultaneously providing warmth emanating from its body.

For those with the means and a lack of fear, it's even possible to transform their bodies with the help of special parasites, turning themselves into entirely new beings.

The field of symbiology is limitless

Maintenance rooms for tending to the light fixtures, as well as the fixtures themselves, are an integral part of IPC housing. Inside residential buildings, the plant's offshoots are hidden from sight, while the luminous organisms are concealed within conventional chandeliers. This design choice serves both aesthetic purposes and protects the organisms from environmental influences.

When entering a typical IPC home, you wouldn’t even notice that anything is out of the ordinary. The seamless integration of living technology with traditional decor is so masterful that it all appears perfectly natural.

There are also tabletop variants, cultivated in pots. These smaller, portable versions serve as both functional light sources and decorative elements, seamlessly blending utility and aesthetics.

[82mitsu]

{18Trip} The 18 Questions Corner - Azekawa Kinari

This is a translation for the 18 questions interview uploaded on the official Youtube channel. I suggest to read this translation alongside it!

Note: P stands for "Player", this series has a voiced male & female character for the player. The interviews are conducted by the male player in this case.

P: 18 questions for the Tourism Ward Mayors! We look forward to your cooperation!

Kinari: Orders registered.

What’s your name?

I am Azekawa Kinari.

How old are you?

My exterior appearance has been configured to be 18 years of age.

Tell us about your occupation!

Current top priority is to accompany Master. 

What’s the first thing you do when waking up in the morning?

Validating the operations of my entire system.

Anything you’re particular about with lunch?

Lunch time serves as spending time on establishing interpersonal relationships.

What pops up in your mind when it comes to “evening”?

…The developer’s chamber. 

What’s your routine before bed?

Organizing memory of the day in question as well as verifying the schedule for tomorrow.

Where do you start with washing your body?

Preference for cleaning of the exterior has been set to begin from the cranium.

What’s essential when leaving for a trip?

It’s convenient to carry a charging cable on my unit. 

What do you check before traveling somewhere?

Executing the gathering of intelligence through filtering by a wider scope without narrowing down on the subject. 

What’s your favorite method of transportation for traveling? 

I believe by bicycle.

What’s one item you’d bring to a deserted island?

A portable source of electricity powered by solar energy would be of much help.

Please give us some fanservice! 

✧・ﾟ: *Let us revel in our fleeting time on earth together*:・ﾟ✧ …I mimicked Raito’s mannerisms. 

Who’s someone you’d lean on for support? 

I believe it is within my desire to become this figurative shoulder to be leaned on.

Who would you swap bodies with for a day?

I would opt to be Noon Squadron’s Isotake-sama. 

What would you want to do as them?

He is a unit in possession of an abundance of emotions within himself, which is why I desire to undergo a trial test from a first person point of view. 

Pass on a message to your roommates!

Raito, as our leader, you’re the second unit I trust next to Master. Kuguri, failure to compute you as a whole still persists. 

Tell us from the heart, what’s a “journey” to you? 

A valuable first-hand experience where encountering the unknown is highly probable. 

P: Thank you, those were all 18 questions!

Kinari: Orders have been fully processed. Thank you for your patronage.

Kinari: HAMA’s 11th Ward Mayor, Azekawa Kinari. I am an android existing for the purpose of executing Master’s orders. Please enter your next command.

[bardic-tales]

Happy Blurbo Blursday

They are stranded on a desert island and can only bring four items and one companion, what & who are they bringing? 

Happy Blurbo Blursday! Thank you so much for the ask, and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

I am going to answer this for Bianca Moore, the protagonist of my passion project: Fantasy Worlds Collide. Bianca is a being that can controls spatial and reality, but for this exercise, I'll tone down those powers for her.

If Bianca was stuck on an island, here are the three things that she would take. I'm going to say that this is a tropical island.

The first thing she would take is her signature weapon, Noctemaris. Noctemaris is a tachi and allow her to have some defensive capabilities. It can also be used as a backup blade for practical tasks such as cutting wood, hunting, or crafting tools.

Bianca's white ribbon is the second thing she would take. It is imbued with strong protective magic which will allow her to remain in peak conditioning while stranded. The ribbon protects against poison or fatigue, keeping both her mind and body sharp. Seeing as Bianca often goes to realms that are magical in nature, this will be invaluable in safe-guarding her health and stamina.

She would also bring a multi-tool. Since it is a combination of a knife, pliers, screwdriver, and other useful tools, she would be able to build shelter, start fires, prepare food, and make rudimentary tools. This tool is portable and has a wide range of functions that would allow her to make the most out of limited resources.

Since she is on a tropical island, it is important to have clean drinking water. She would bring a portable water purification device. This will ensure that the water she drinks is not contaminated, keeping her and her companion safe and hydrated.

Sephiroth as a companion

As for the companion, she would bring her love interest, Sephiroth. He is a master strategist and an elite SOLDIER. This would be before his descent into madness. Due to his SOLDIER training and his intellect, they would both thrive by each other's side. He would be able to easily adapt to the island's challenges, using his military experience to devise survival plans.

His combat expertise would make him invaluable against potential threats while his knowledge of survival tactics from years of missions since he was 15 ensures that he could help gather resources, build shelter, and find or hunt for food.

Finally, it has been shown that Masamune has the ability to cut through buildings. He could use it to cut down trees for building shelters and creating tools easily.

His calm and methodical approach to problem-solving would help balance out Bianca's more impulsive tendencies. His leadership and resourcefulness would make him an essential companion, complementing Bianca and enhancing their chances of survival.

Interested in joining the Creator’s Club? Please check out this post on it.

[survivingshtf]

Im overwhelmed by everything I need to do to and I dont know where to start.

Did you know that nearly 70% of Americans feel overwhelmed by the idea of preparing for survival? It’s like trying to drink from a fire hose while juggling flaming torches. If you’re staring at a mountain of tasks and don’t know where to start, you’re not alone. But fear not! Let’s break it down into manageable bites, so you can tackle your survival prep without losing your mind. Understanding the Basics Before you dive into the deep end, let’s clarify what “survival” means. It’s not just about hoarding canned beans and building a bunker. Survival prep is about being ready for emergencies, whether it’s a natural disaster, economic collapse, or a zombie apocalypse (hey, you never know!). Here’s what you need to consider: Food and Water: Stock up on non-perishable food and clean water. Aim for at least a two-week supply. First Aid: A well-stocked first aid kit is essential. Think of it as your personal medical superhero. Communication: Have a plan for staying in touch with loved ones. A simple two-way radio can be a lifesaver. Self-Defense: Know how to protect yourself. This could mean anything from pepper spray to self-defense classes. Creating a Plan Now that you know the basics, it’s time to create a plan. Think of it as your survival roadmap. Here’s how to get started: Assess Your Needs: Consider your family size, dietary restrictions, and any special medical needs. Set Goals: Break your prep into small, achievable goals. For example, aim to gather one week’s worth of food this month. Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time each month to review your supplies and update your plan. Building Your Survival Kit Your survival kit is like your trusty sidekick. It should be packed with everything you need to weather the storm. Here’s a list of must-haves: Water Filtration System: Clean water is non-negotiable. A portable filter can make any water source drinkable. Multi-Tool: This handy gadget can replace a toolbox. It’s perfect for repairs, cooking, and self-defense. Emergency Blanket: Lightweight and compact, these blankets can keep you warm in a pinch. Flashlight and Batteries: When the lights go out, you’ll be glad you have a reliable light source. Learning Skills Gathering supplies is only half the battle. You also need skills to use them effectively. Think of it as leveling up in a video game. Here are some essential skills to master: First Aid Training: Knowing how to treat injuries can save lives. Consider taking a certified course. Fire Starting: Learn various methods to start a fire. It’s crucial for warmth, cooking, and morale. Navigation: Familiarize yourself with maps and compasses. GPS may fail, but old-school navigation won’t. Gardening: Growing your own food can be a game-changer. Start small with herbs or vegetables. Staying Informed In the age of information overload, staying informed is key. Follow reliable sources for updates on emergencies and survival tips. Here’s how to filter the noise: Join Online Communities: Forums and social media groups can provide valuable insights and support. Read Books: Invest in survival manuals. They’re like treasure maps for preparedness. Attend Workshops: Local classes can offer hands-on experience and connect you with like-minded individuals. Final Thoughts Feeling overwhelmed is normal, but remember: every expert was once a beginner. Start small, focus on one area at a time, and gradually build your skills and supplies. You don’t need to be a doomsday prepper to be prepared. Just take it one step at a time, and soon you’ll feel more confident and ready for whatever life throws your way. Summary Survival preparation doesn’t have to be daunting. Understand the basics, create a plan, build your kit, learn essential skills, and stay informed. With a little effort and organization, you can transform that overwhelming mountain of tasks into a series of manageable steps. So grab your coffee, roll up your sleeves, and get started! You’ve got this! via https://ift.tt/kGoLNwc

[justforbooks]

Sir Kenneth Grange

A giant of 20th-century design whose products – from food mixers to lamps and trains – became staples of British life

Kenneth Grange, who has died aged 95, was the leading British product designer of the second half of the 20th century. Even if unaware of his name, most people in Britain are familiar with his output: the Kenwood Chef food mixer, the Kodak Instamatic camera, the Ronson Rio hairdryer, the Morphy Richards iron. These everyday objects are part of all our histories. Grange was also responsible for the restyling of the InterCity 125 high-speed train and the 1997 TX1 version of the London taxi.

He was a tall, handsome, ebullient man, a joker with that element of inner moral purpose often found in the designers of his postwar generation. He grew up imbued with a determination to make the world a better place visually, his emphasis always on functional efficiency. Grange was a master at reassessing usage, but he also viewed design in terms of sheer enjoyment. He wanted us to share in the surprising grace of the experience as the 125 train comes hurtling down the track.

When he set up his own design consultancy in 1956, Grange was one of just a handful of designers operating in the world of what were then quaintly called consumer goods. Many of his early commissions came via the Council of Industrial Design (now the Design Council), a governmental body set up with the remit of improving national design standards. Grange’s commission to design Britain’s first parking meter, the Venner, introduced in 1958, came via the council. So too did his introduction to Kenneth Wood, proprietor of the firm in Woking whose domestic products were marketed as Kenwood. Grange’s clean-lined and user-friendly Kenwood Chef food mixer became a housewives’ status symbol of its time.

Like his near contemporary Vidal Sassoon, Grange came from a non-artistic background and had a similarly innate sense of visual style. Both men were quintessentially 1960s talents, Sassoon with his geometric haircuts, Grange with a succession of urbane modern products for a new, self-consciously fashionable age. He became a prime designer for the growing market in “portable accessories”: pens for Parker, cigarette lighters for Ronson, the melamine and smoked perspex Milward Courier shaver which, in 1963, won the Duke of Edinburgh’s prize for elegant design (now known as the Prince Philip Designers prize). Did Prince Philip himself use it? Grange insisted that he did.

In 1972 Grange joined four of the rising stars of his profession – Alan Fletcher, Colin Forbes, Theo Crosby and Mervyn Kurlansky – in founding the ultra-modern design group Pentagram. This was a multidisciplinary consultancy described by Grange as “a one-stop shop” providing specialist services in graphic design and advertising, architecture and – Grange’s own area – product design.

Pentagram became the bee’s knees of design consultancies: ambitious, professional, intelligent and jaunty. It attracted loyal clients, including Reuters, for whom Grange designed the Reuters monitor, a state-of-the-art computer terminal and keyboard, superbly well engineered in heavy silver aluminium sheet.

Through the 70s Grange was occupied with the most high profile of his design commissions: the aerodynamics, interior layout and exterior shaping of the nose cone of British Rail’s High Speed Train (HST). The InterCity 125 was a key element in BR’s strategy to woo passengers away from cars and planes and back on to the trains. However the first HST prototype they came up with was, in Grange’s opinion, “a lumpish, brutish thing”.

He realised he could only improve the appearance by first tackling the aerodynamics. On his own initiative (and at his own expense) he spent a week at night working with a consultant engineer at Imperial College London, where there was a wind tunnel. In the course of these experiments they developed a number of new ideas, getting rid of the buffers, hiding the couplings in the underside of the nose cone, and giving the train a more futuristic look.

It was launched in 1976 with its radical, dynamically angled nose design. Grange was always careful to give credit to the expertise of the engineers he worked with. All the same, it was his major triumph and a lasting symbol of the best of mid-20th-century British design. The HST – still in use today on selected passenger services after almost 50 years – transformed the public experience of travelling by train.

He was born in east London, the son of Hilda (nee Long), a machinist, and Harry Grange, an East End policeman. Kenneth was brought up in what he once vividly described as “a bacon-and-eggs kind of house”, respectably furnished with a three-piece suite and flowery curtains, the dominant colour being brown. Nevertheless his parents supported his chosen career in what was then termed “commercial art”. During the second world war, the family had moved to Wembley in north London, and Kenneth won a scholarship to Willesden School of Art and Crafts where, from the age of 14, he studied drawing and lettering.

These basic skills gave him the entree to a succession of architects’ offices: Arcon; Bronek Katz and R Vaughan; Gordon and Ursula Bowyer; and, from 1952, the remarkably versatile architect and industrial designer Jack Howe – all of these were modernists and prime movers in the postwar campaign to rebuild Britain using newly available materials and techniques.

Grange took part in the 1951 Festival of Britain, working alongside Gordon and Ursula Bowyer on the Sports Pavilion for the South Bank exhibition. For so many of Grange’s generation of designers – including Sir Terence Conran and my husband, David Mellor – the festival would be a lasting inspiration. As Grange later recollected: “You couldn’t walk a step without seeing something unlikely – the cigar-shaped Skylon, the huge Dome of Discovery, extraordinary metal sculptures, waterfalls that twisted and turned. Nothing was like anything I had ever seen before.”

Where much of British design was still craft-based, dominated by ideas that went back to William Morris, Grange felt the fascination of machine production. He was excited by the sleek designs based on new technology beginning to infiltrate Britain from the US, describing the moulded plastic Eames chair for example as “a rocket ship exploding into our narrow world”. I remember being impressed on my first visit to his house in Hampstead, north London, to find him the possessor of not just one Eames lounge chair but three.

Grange’s natural resilience stood him in good stead through the 70s and 80s, those lean years for designers when British manufacturing lost its way and, as he described it, “unbridled accountancy became the new dynamic in British industry”. He was glad of foreign clients, especially enjoying working in Japan where the innate Japanese awareness of design delighted him. An especially successful commission was a sewing machine designed for the Maruzen Sewing Machine Co in Osaka, to be marketed in Europe. On trips to Japan he started what became a considerable collection of beautiful wooden geisha combs.

Pentagram itself was flourishing, moving in 1984 from Paddington to larger and more stylish premises in a renovated dairy in Notting Hill. At this period it employed more than 80 designers and assistants in different disciplines, and the communal dining room became an ever-welcoming talking shop, a gathering point for London’s design world of the time. I remember some marvellous parties at Pentagram, including the celebration of Grange’s marriage in 1984 to Apryl Swift.

For Grange himself the 1980s brought increasing public recognition. In 1983 a solo exhibition of his work was held at the Boilerhouse at the Victoria and Albert Museum in London.

At this point he was already being lauded as Britain’s most successful product designer. He was made CBE in 1984, and knighted in 2013. In 1985 he received an honorary doctorate from the Royal College of Art and in 1986 became master of the elite group of Royal Designers for Industry. Success never spoilt him. He had a streak of self-denigrating humour and retained a kind of boyish innocence, as if he could hardly believe his good luck.

The sheer challenge of the job had always been his driving force. After his retirement from Pentagram in 1997, after 25 years as a partner, he and Apryl embarked on a project of their own, converting an ancient stone-built barn in the remote countryside near Coryton in Devon into a spectacular modern home with a spiral staircase of highly ingenious modular construction. Completion took five years; Grange commuted weekly between London and Devon, travelling on his familiar High Speed Train.

In 2011 the Design Museum held a retrospective, Kenneth Grange: Making Britain Modern. He continued to design into his 80s. Late commissions included the perfect men’s shirt for the fashion designer Margaret Howell; an updated range of classic lights – the Type 3, Type 75 and, in his 90th year, the Type 80 – for Anglepoise, for whom he had been made design director in 2003; and a really comfortable collection of chairs for elderly people. General levels of design for the aged population made him angry. “Where is the decent modernist care home?” he would ask.

Typical of Grange’s zany 60s humour was his design of a man-shaped timber bookcase that converted to a coffin, the ultimate exercise in recycling. “If I ever pop my clogs, it’s books out and me in, with the lid fixed, up to the great client in the sky.”

Two earlier marriages ended in divorce. Apryl survives him.

🔔 Kenneth Henry Grange, designer, born 17 July 1929; died 21 July 2024

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at Just for Books…?

[jamesthecomiccreator]

"The Restless Assault"

"Speed and skill matters, so why settle for one way when you can master both? Whether you need some more length or capacity to take down your target, we'll get you covered with our excellent menu of ranged perfection and suppression!" - Silas Silver

"Eniko": A 30-round, pistol-caliber carbine designed and considered as an upgrade to the Generic Armaments, "Compact Stoner", also known as the FPS (Fusil Portátil Stoner) Model PRM used by the Biotech Cooperations before and during the infamous 2010 Fusion Virus Outbreak; nowadays, the business, as well as the other G.O.Is in Arkingham started adopting this as their subweapon.

Ideal for personal defense in a combat team, or as a primary weapon as part of a mobile task force, this firearm is both highly customizable and highly reliable, allowing operators to easily clean out threats with ease, and precision!

"Thanatos": A 30/100-round, assault carbine rifle made from the blood of patriots and tyrants, this overly aggressive carbine comes with an extremely fast fire rate in a portable package; with an impressive 900 to 1200 RPM, you are not left begging for a bullet hose, because you are the bullet hose.

However, if this is a bit much, users can readjust the rounds per minute to a controllable 600-800 RPM, as well as customize their weapon to better suit their needs such as laser modules, foregrips, full-stocks, customized sights, and much more!

[theclassclone]

Let's Try This Again...

Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,336 TW: Canon-typical Master List || Next || AO3

The first-generation clones—the ones cloned in the 1980s—began to pour into the school’s red and orange schemed auditorium. The smell of students, sweat, and overall grossness and the thickness of everyone breathing the air of the enclosed space filled the room. The first-generation of clones filled every seat from the first row to the second to last row, which sounded an alarm in Clone High’s student body Vice President’s brain; Principal Scudworth felt it necessary to host every little announcement and school-wide meeting in the auditorium—rather than learn to use electronics to serve announcements. If a single generation of clones filled nearly every seat, he was going to have to make some changes, and the man did not make changes.

In the last row of the auditorium, hiding from the first-generation of clones, sat the student body president, the student body VP, the student body committee chairperson, and a fourth second-generation clone who merely controlled the music. Three of the four second-generation clones were excited about this announcement that there were required to attend—the student body VP would rather sell tickets to a public execution and hang herself in the courtyard—it sounded more exciting than whatever bizarre announcement Scudworth had in-store for the first-generation clones. The student body president, donning neon pink, and nearly always ready for teaching her classmates about the day of the dead and celebrating it casually rather than formally (and honestly, who could blame her, what a celebration can turn into), embraced the idea of helping their beloved principal with welcoming the first-generation back to school. The student body committee chairperson, starting her sophomore year like a pack of highlighters, had already prepared a cockamamie scheme to include the ‘frozens’, as she had dubbed them, in her various committees and over-the-top events. The other individual, taller, his hair reaching its mullet era, wasn’t planning anything as ungodly as the other two—just his airhorn sound effects and vocal stimming, as he usually did, which never bothered the VP. Well, they were sitting right beneath a set of speakers, the airhorn might bother the VP this once.

The VP had nothing exciting planned, she had no intentions of helping the first-generation clones acclimate to the 20-year culture shock they’re going to experience—assuming any of them were smart enough to notice that everything had suddenly changed. That and the VP has been comedically feuding with the school’s principal, she knows how boring this announcement is going to be for her—and for the next six hours, she and the other three second-generation waited. The VP felt as though she were the smartest person in the room; she was smart enough to have packed her portable charger, a set of headphones, and a charger for her headphones so she could entertain herself instead of suffer with the first-generation—and for the first time in her life, she was kind enough to share her belongings as her fellow second-generation students needed to use her charger, more so with the male student than the president and committee chairperson (as they were not exactly on good terms).

She passed her phone between the three clones and allowed them to order a lunch for themselves, she even instructed the delivery person to walk the order down to the school’s auditorium for them via the delivery note. The poor first-generation clones were stuck in the old, cushioned auditorium chairs that had probably never been cleaned since the school had been opened. Metal attachments held their eyes open and locked their wrists to the armrests—it was pure torture, the kind of torture the VP would so happily inflict unto someone herself. But it was nothing compared to the ferociously starving students in the seats in front of the four second-generation clones as Scudworth and his vice principal, Mr. B, had neglected to feed the trapped first-generation student lunch during this presentation. Their anguished and rumbling stomachs were music to her ears. And their need to turn in their seats and try to look at what they were eating was simply a sight for sore eyes.

How wicked. The VP hummed as part of her internal monologue.

Scudworth concluded his six-hour performance, with choreography and a slideshow. He placed his gloved hands on his hips and inhaled deeply. “It’s been a long time since I’ve done that, Mister B!” He looked toward the back of the stage, putting a lot of emphasis on Mi when addressing Mr. B. He waited to catch his breath—the auditorium remained silent, mostly in a tense shock. He raised the microphone to his mouth again. “Any questions?”

The metal mechanisms withdrew from each of the first-generation clones, releasing their eyelids and wrists.

“I actually have quite a few for you.”

“I’m still processing your song.”

“You expect us to have questions after that?”

“Questions?”

“Uhm, yeah, I actually have a question. What—.”

Scudworth pointed at the student in the front. “Great question. In fact, here not to answer it if the most popular clone and the hottest girl in school—!” He paused briefly.

The student body president nudged her fellow council members; she stood up from her seat and grabbed her signature skateboard. Its wheels were worn, she rode it nearly every day, if not so. She snuck between her fellow council members and their musical addition to get to the center aisle for a big and dramatic entrance. She stood at the top of the staircase, hidden by the shadows, with her foot holding her skateboard against the step prior to propelling herself toward the front of the auditorium.

One of the clones toward the front of the auditorium stood up. “Ugh, finally.” Her voice bounced off of the walls; from afar she appeared to be the epidemy of a late 1990s-early 2000s girl with her tank top, bobbed haircut, and thin structure.

“Cleopatra, please move out of the way so everyone can see Frida Kahlo! Your student body President!” He joyously announced and pointed toward Frida.

“Wait, who?” Cleo turned toward the back of the auditorium to see exactly who Scudworth was referring to. “What?” With more view of her now that she was facing the back of the auditorium, the VP was nearly correct in her theory of this student. Peak late 1990s-early 2000s (or as her generation would say Y2K aesthetic).

“Check it. Hit it, Confucius!” Frida pointed finger guns at the three second-generation clones that remained in their seats.

Confucius grinned at his phone and pressed a myriad of buttons to get just the right mixture of airhorn sound effects and upbeat music that matched Frida’s skater-girl energy.

The mechanisms of skateboarding will forever elude the VP; she watched Frida press her other foot on the board and effortlessly skate down the lengthy auditorium stairs. She leaned over and slapped her hand against a few of the first-generation hands’ as they stuck them out for Frida to high-five on her way toward the stage.

Several students cheered for what could be considered a simple party-trick for those, like the VP, who are unfamiliar with skateboarding. But the art of skateboarding itself is much more complicated than simply riding down auditorium steps, performing a few tricks would be an actual party-trick, wouldn’t it? Frida neared the bottom of the stairs and hopped off of the board, miraculously not tumbling or otherwise injuring herself. She ran down the first row and high-fived several students as she approached the staircase to the stage. Confucius lowered the volume of the music but kept it playing.

“WE LOVE YOU FRIDA!” The student body committee chairperson hollered to continue the hype surrounding Frida.

Frida grinned at the sea of students. She waved her hand at the unfamiliar faces as she walked across the stage and toward the high school principal. “Thank you, Princy S.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Wait, She’s popular? Her?” Cleo pointed up at Frida. “No, no, no, no. Her?”

“Sit down, Cleopatra.” Scudworth shouted at the clone. He passed the microphone off to Frida.

“Thank you again, Princy S. Dr. S-Man.” She laughed slowly, pointing finger guns at Scudworth as he left the stage. “Man, what a performance, am I right? Let’s hear it for Dr. S-Man—all that work he put into making sure you all got the best of the best from the last 20 years.” She raised her free arm above her head and encouraged the first-generation to cheer for Scudworth—one clone tried to cheer but realized that he was alone in his cheering and turned it into a cough.

“Pathetic.” The VP whispered.

“Shh!” The committee chairman shushed her.

“Alright then.” Frida lowered her arm and chuckled awkwardly at the stale reaction from the audience. “Well, welcome, frozens, welcome. That must have been a whirlwind of a presentation—I wouldn’t know because I wasn’t actually listening to it!” She laughed loudly; she approached the podium that was a bit too tall for her and she still opted to use it as an arm rest. “Man, waking up 20 years later—I couldn’t imagine. I can’t even function on a normal day—much less when daylight savings time hits, or when my smartwatch gets all out of wack.” She propped her arms up on the podium and pointed at the watch on her wrist.

The majority of the first-generation clones laughed at Frida’s comment despite not understanding what she was saying—the closest to the smartwatch they the first-generation clones would know of came from Intergalactic Journey: Subsequent Cohort.

“No one understands what you’re saying.” Cleo shouted through the echoing laughter.

The VP crossed her arms. “That one, I like her.” She grinned.

“Why?” Confucius whispered.

“The rest of these bumbling idiots are probably trying to fit in by laughing at Frida’s comment. She’s not afraid to speak her mind and say it how it truly is.” The VP told him.

“Ah, makes sense.” Confucius nodded.

“Anyway, the rest of us are gonna help you shake off those literal and metaphorical cobwebs by hosting our very first Clone High Unity Week!” She announced.

Confucius blared his airhorn sound effects after Frida announced the event.

“Awh, yeah. And here to give you all the meets and deets is my sis from anotha’ petri dish: Harriet Tubman!” She pointed toward the back of the auditorium.

Confucius played his airhorn sound effects again; he changed the music to something a little upbeat and bubblier to match Harriet’s personality.

Harriet stood up squeezed past Confucius (who probably should have just sat on the inside of the row since all three girls needed to walk past him at some point). She jogged down the staircase, with no party tricks up her sleeve. Just a simple jog, dressed as a highlighter, waving to the first-generation clones. She raised her arms repeatedly to get them to cheer for her—between the airhorn sound effects and the overall vibe of her and Frida combined, it wasn’t hard to do. She took a turn around the first row and walked up the stairs to join Frida on stage.

She nabbed the microphone from Frida. “Thank you, thank you. Welcome, again, to the future. I promise that there will be tons of Unity Week events, so, you better sign up. I’m not joking. Because I will know if you didn’t sign up.” The tone of her voice changed as she proceeded to threaten the first-generation to sign up for Unity Week. “I will find you and I will make you come to the Unity Week events myself, okay? Okay. I’m passing around a sign-up sheet!!!” She waved a clipboard above her head and walked toward the end of the stage. She handed the clipboard off to one of the clones in front of her.

Harriet rejoined Frida toward the middle of the stage. ‘The first Unity Week event will take place tomorrow after school, it will be hosted by my good friends, Confucius, and Sacagawea. I better see you all there.” She informed the students.

Frida took this as an opportunity to take the microphone back from Harriet. “And more on that at the actual event—tomorrow!” She laughed dryly. “And before we let you go, how about a few words from your student body Vice-Prez, CJ!” She pointed toward the back of the auditorium again, saying her name with the utmost hype and pep in her voice to make CJ sound exciting.

“So, help me if you blast the airhorn, Confucius.” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“I won’t.” He put his hands up defensively, keeping his fingers away from the buttons. “It’s not your thing, I know that. I know what to play for you, Wednesday Addams.”

She shook her head because Confucius understood, but the humor between was also very dry, rather bland, and “Halloween” themed.

This CJ clone stood up and walked past Confucius—who found a haunting tune, the fun guy, found a haunting tune to suit the brooding and mysterious VP, what a twist. She walked down the steps with semi-hard footsteps that echoed throughout the now eerie auditorium; between the macabre sounds from the speakers, several students distracted by the sign-up sheet, and CJ’s overall vibe killing the mood. She held her chin high, feeling the eyes of nearly every first-generation clone upon her. While her nerves were trying to make a fool of her, she maintained her relatively flat affect. Her open and white lab coat flowed behind her as she walked like a villainous cloak; it bore a striking contrast to her monochromatic black outfit. She felt the eyes a few of the first-generation clones wander away from her and she could give one reason why—she looked like someone they knew, right down to the letter, and quite frankly, she believed them to be just as imbecilic as her own clone generation (because not even they could figure it out. Because no matter how hard she tried to hide it… it was so painfully obvious).

The steps to the stage creaked as she knew where to step to make them do so. She approached Frida and Harriet with not even as much as a smile. Frida, however, held the microphone out with an apologetic smile but her eyes told CJ a different story—one that said that CJ had no choice but to at least speak into the microphone because, after all, she was the VP.

The way CJ snatched the microphone out of Frida’s hand created an earsplitting feedback sound. She stared at the crowd, no matter how much she wanted to cover her ears and wince and writhe like the rest of them. She spoke with several words twisted with what she hoped was sarcasm over a voice filled with a false sense of interest. “I’m so honored to be the fourth person in this shithole to welcome you to the glorious year of 2023.” Her expression never changed; but her voice fluctuated in an uncanny familiar fashion, albeit boredly. “We strive to make each and every one of our fellow students feel welcome and included, and we want to do the same for your generation. So, please, do not hesitate to approach the student council for any reason at all. Because we all know that our principal does not care about you. Our vice principal might if your student council just so happens to be busy.” She waved her left hand slowly as her bored version of a single jazz hand. She shoved the microphone into Frida’s chest and exited stage left as the theater kids would call it.

The impact of the microphone into Frida caused another round of ear-piercing feedback; the students writhed, winced, and covered their ears at the pitch emitting from the speakers. She inhaled deeply to save herself from the same pain she was experiencing and slipped through the auditorium doors to escape the rest of that disaster. Before she could even consider disappearing into the depths of the unknown, she nearly collided with the school’s principal and vice principal (mostly the principal because he was in her direct path).

“Eugh.” She looked away from both the principal and vice principal.

Scudworth clasped his hands together and mustered a grin. “Oh, CJ, you did such a wonderful job doing,” he paused to think about what word he wanted to use to describe her ill-intentioned speech, “whatever that was up on stage. You’re a natural leader. I’m so pro—.”

“I’m going to stop you right there. You sound like Sandler in that stupid vampire movie when he’s lying to his daughter.” She turned sharply on her heel. “If you’re going to lie to me, don’t, because I already know the truth.” She slowly turned her head to the left to look at Scudworth again, “I know how you think.” She looked forward and strode down the hallway with her shoulders back, clicking her heels rhythmically.

“Dammit, Mister B, you said it would work this time!”

“I said no such thing.” Mr. B said in a robotic tone. “I said she was going to ruin everything… Wesley.”

“Ruin everything? When did you say that?” Scudworth peered down at his longtime friend for a brief moment; he quickly followed the young clone down the hallway. “Can you believe this? Mister B thinks that—.”

“I would ruin everything, I’m well aware, neither of you are particularly quiet.” CJ told them; she inhaled deeply and snaked her hands into the front pockets of her pants. She listened for the sound of Mr. B’s squeaking wheels before she spoke again. “Oh, Mister B, you’re hurting my feelings. Be more like Princy S, here, would you? He’s trying his hardest to learn the art of sarcasm, you should too. Learn to lie to me. While you’re at it, be better than the idiot running this school like he’s driving a car with cataracts.”

Mr. B chuckled at her comment about Scudworth’s leadership—because she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t laugh!”

“Sorry.”

CJ hummed. “Don’t tell Mister B what he can and can’t laugh at, I think I made a very funny joke and Mister B deserves to laugh at it. Just because you don’t think it’s funny, doesn’t mean we don’t.” She shook her head slightly and poked her cheek with her tongue. “Mister B, he seems to think that I can’t tell when he’s using sarcasm or lying, but he makes it so obvious. He’s predictable. Make me guess. I want to feel like I don’t know something for once. You’re a robot, shouldn’t you be better than man?” She barely glanced over her shoulder as she asked her question; she sounded just like him when she spoke, right down to the way she pronounced ‘robot’.

“He hasn’t been upgraded in years!”

“At least I can cook without damaging the kitchen appliances, Wesley.”

CJ inhaled deeply and grinned with utter annoyance; she snorted at the robot and unethical scientist who often take one thing she says and argue over it like an old married couple—which they tend to vehemently deny, and CJ is forever under the impression that they are embarrassed about being in a relationship with each other due to something CJ is unaware of.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you do this on purpose,” Scudworth hissed. “You say these things that get on my nerves.”

She momentarily closed her eyes and shook her head. “Like I planned it all from the test tube, of course. It was the plan all along.” She slowed her pace as she neared the school lab that she often camped in (usually rather than attended class, but don’t tell anyone). “By the way, the next time you want to give someone with perceived potential any kind of power over a population, leave me out of it.” She spoke. She brushed past the butlertron, cutting him off as she turned without warning, and vanished from their sights. As she always does.

[neerdokells]

This New Life, Part 4

When I woke, I was still on the bed. Mistress had made me enchant it shortly after Master agreed to welcome me, lo make it larger and more comfortable and impossible to soil. I was curled up against her back, and could see Master's arm under her from the other side. Dawn was just starting to break, and I had work to do.

During the work week, Master liked to be awakened by my mouth working his cock, but he and Mistress valued the chance to sleep in together on the weekend. So I shrunk down and quietly flew downstairs, as I always did, to survey the chores that lay ahead. I didn't have anything from dinner left to handle, so I decided to start in the basement. Of course, I could have just waved my hands and cleaned up all the residue from the night before, but Mistress specifically commanded me to manually perform all my chores unless she made an exception, so I resumed last night's form, grabbed the spray and paper towels, and got to work.

I saw the newest contraption for the first time as I entered the dungeon. It was a series of chains suspended from a frame on the ceiling, each with pulleys and hooks to hold the chains at whatever length they were set to. It looked manual; someone must have been grabbing chains and moving them to adjust my height, apparently multiple chains at a time. I considered that there were enough chains, and I was short enough in my present form, that they could rig me up and play me like a marionette if they desired. A part of me perked up and hoped they would desire. This must have been what Master was doing while we were getting into uniform, was finishing the setup on it. I hadn't been in the dungeon for nearly a week before last night, so he may have been working on it this whole time.

The outfits were the hardest thing to clean, with all the nooks and seams and long bits. I looked around for Master’s outfit, as I never did see him while he had it on last night, but never found one. Further looking uncovered the fourth box he had brought home, but when I opened it, I found that it was how the earplugs and related materials were brought into the house.

As I was nearing the end, I felt the tug of Mistress’ will. It was time to make breakfast for them. I left the rest of the dungeon to wait and made my way to the kitchen, where I whipped up some french toast, eggs, and sausage. They were just starting to sit at the table when I brought their plates to them, and Master paused to carefully look over my body.

“Still in that form?” he asked.

“I have not been given another, sir.”

“I was concerned the measurements I gave would prove unrealistic.”

“They are unrealistic,” Mistress said, “but you gave them to a fairy.”

“Right, of course. But it's done an amazing job with them, don't you think?”

“I do like how portable they are.”

“Mm. So, we have our plan for tonight?”

“And our limits.”

“Babe, it's a fetish club! We should be able–”

“We have our limits, or we aren't going.”

Master grumbled a little, but the conversation was over. He looked me over, again, then waved his hand dismissively. “Go be a cat, we'll call you when we have use for you.” I nodded, turned into a cat, and sauntered away.

I liked my cat form. I was sleek, and nimble, and had no responsibilities. I could curl up in a sunbeam and nap, or play with Felix, or just wander around without a care in the world. Master paid me no mind, unless I was close enough to him for him to absently pet. He paid just as little attention to Felix, which made me think the idea of having pets in the house was one he only reluctantly accepted. Sometimes, a mouse would get in, and Felix and I would hunt it. I had learned how to hunt during my year in various animal forms, and I still enjoyed the thrill of it. I didn't bother eating the mice anymore–Felix took care of that–but it was a fun way to embrace a simpler life and still be of service to the household. Today, though, felt like a good day for sleeping on the arm of the couch.

I was awakened by a hand stroking my fur, and glanced to see Mistress sitting on the couch and checking Netflix. The lawnmower was running, one of the few chores Master enjoyed and therefore never handed off to me. I stretched, walked onto her lap, and curled back up. She resumed petting me as she settled on something.

“Did you enjoy our escapades last night, Esme?” I purred in answer. “I thought so. We both had a blast, and I was convinced that we could have a really great time with the atmosphere and materials we would have access to, getting involved in the local BDSM scene. But,” she sighed, “Malcolm was trying to sell me on the idea of marking you as free use while we're at the club tonight, you know. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, that you weren't interested in that and I didn't want to do it to you. He argued that, with the blackout contacts and earplugs, you wouldn't know the difference. It's not like you would know whose cock was in you under those conditions.” I lifted my head to look at her face, and she met my gaze. “I told him I was pretty sure that was worse. I fear he doesn't really understand why.”

I purred and laid my head back down, happy for the way my Mistress watches out for me. I don't know that I would have immediately known why, back when I was a man. It was tempting to be terrified, knowing that about him, knowing how vulnerable I was to him and his desires while he was entertaining ideas like that. But going out in public as a latex-clad fuckpet was a lot less scary with the knowledge that she would be there, keeping things in check. ‘My Mistress loves me,’ I thought, as I drifted back to sleep on her thighs.

[inventors-fair]

It's a Bird, It's a Plane - Commentary

Surprise! I actually did something on time (or at all) for once! Let's get zany and plane-y!

@wolkemesser — Shard of the Twelve Worlds Okay, so flavorfully I really like this. For those that don't know, the Shard of the Twelve Worlds was a byproduct of the Sylex blast that created a barrier around Dominaria and a few other planes that restricted planeswalking. However, restricting the planar die this heavily seems to me like taking all the fun out of the format. In addition, I'm not entirely sure why it has you sacrifice creatures to roll the die.

@aethernalstars — Rifts Unseamed So, here's where I have to come clean. With planechase, there are two main ways to play it. The first way is with each player having a planar deck that they own. The second way is a variant way, where there is a central planar deck. Admittedly, I've only played the latter, and I'm aware that the variant version is how most planechase players play. Because of that, and the fact I didn't take time to post a warning about the variant rule, I'm going to treat this card as if it said "your planar deck" or "the planar controller's planar deck," and apologize profusely. But anyways, I really like this card, as well as the flavor. Yeah, the second recorded instance of the MtG equivalent of a nuke would probably re-open some of the rifts that the first blast had. I love the way that this kind of nullifies some of the effects of planes, while amplifying others.

@salamileg — Vriox, Omenpath Ravager I really like the flavor of this, a rollicking satyr that was formerly a follower of Xenagos, acting upon an opportunity to follow in his footsteps. I think one thing to be wary of is that there's an impetus here to stack your deck with as many chaos abilities that tell you to planeswalk afterwards, so that a planeswalk puts up to 5 or more counters on Vriox. In addition, I think reminder text would really help on that first ability, just to make sure players understand when the chaos ability occurs.

@greensunzenith — Portable Beacon This is a wonderful design. Flavorful, well executed, and simple. I especially like how the loyalty ability is only rolling the die, while sacrificing the beacon is a definite planeswalk. The only thing I would maybe change is resticting the latter ability to sorcery speed, since there seems to be precedence in making sure planechase actions are all sorcery speed (without the help of outside cards at least.)

@little-red-rabbit — Cliffs of Ot For those wondering why this says "Plane Land," it's just because of limitations with MTG.Design. I love this, it's clear that you had a design motivation you wanted to follow, and I think having the telepathy ability goes well with the preestablished lore. A few things to note, I believe that the plane should be Alara, just because that's what the Bant, Esper, etc. planes have as a subtype. In addition, adding the cards in each player's hands is a lot to track. I would probably still play this though, just to steal my opponent's sol ring.

@flowrot — Hellrider's Canyon Hooooooooooooooooooo-wheeeeeee, this is playing on my biases so hard, and I love it for that. I'm super excited for Thunction, and I think that this plane making blood tokens is a perfect way to encapsulate a dangerous ride that could really help or really hurt. The one thing I would change is I would add a condition that gives each player Blood tokens, given that this card in a vacuum assumes you're the one that will be rolling chaos, and only does something on planeswalking to it.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path — Fractal Reality As someone who was ecstatic when The Master, Multiplied was revealed, this phenomenon excites me. In addition to any shenanigannery you can pull with this, it also plays on the multiplayer aspect of Planechase in a fun way. I really like the use of Chaotic Aether's wording too. The only issue that I see, is that this could just be a plane on its own? It would make more sense, and you would be able to add a chaos ability and maybe some planar flavor for Karsus or Xerex or maybe even Arcavios.

@grornt — Golos, Omenpath Explorer This is an amazing use of a character we've already seen, and it encourages playing into Planechase mechanics. A part of me worries that straight WUBRG without tap is a bit too cheap for a plane tutor, and I'd like to see that as a sorcery since instant Planechase-ing seems to be resticted to two-card combos.

@spooky-bard — Errant Arrester Oh Garleth, we're really in it now. This is super flavorful, and I think that it's good enough that it would even see play outside of Planechase. The ability makes you think twice about rolling, but the fact that it only hits a single target balances it out enough that I could see this in whatever the next planechase product will be (fingers crossed).

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Chaos Engulfes All I'm slightly torn on this one. Technically, this breaks the trend of single cards only doing Planechase things, which I'm against. But, it does it in such an orderly way that I'm not sure it matters? The bigger issue I have with this card it the second part, which would make it the third card that cares about next main phase without it specifying "this turn" or being an attack trigger. It's not something we see often, for good reason.

@lanabutnotdelray — Foraline, Royal Pilgrim I like this. It's not too exploratory, but it's nice and simple, perfect for newer players to explore Planechase with. Nice work.

@batatafilosofal — Planar Binding I like the idea of this card. An O-ring effect that's tied to Planechase mechanics. Love it. Not sure whether or not the "a permanent" is intentional, as that means it can exile those with hexproof. I'd also like to see a nonland clause in that, just because I can see a scenario where someone ramps into planeswalking to this phenomenon, and restricts other players from planeswalking away from it.

@genericaura — Deghir, Omenpath Rampager I think that this is really good. Technically not sorcery speed on the Planechase actions, but given it's tied to combat damage, I'm not worried about it. The body is really good, and the upside makes me think this should maybe just be a 5/5, but what do I know.

@just--a--penguin — Planar Scrying Interesting. Six mana is about where drawing four cards gets you, so that's alright. I also like the not-really-scrying of the top four of your planar deck. It helps you plan for the future, while also leaving room for something to go wrong (5/6 sides of the planar die are specifically not planeswalk, so).

@fractured-infinity — Omenpath Investigator//Interplanar Adventurer Alright, so I'm not so hot on the instant speed Planar die. I like the once per turn clause, but doing that on an opponent's turn is kind of iffy given how precence has been set. I like the methodical nature of this though. You're pretty much ensured to switch faces along with planeswalking and chaos ensueing. The growth spiral on the front is nice too, letting you ramp into more rolling.

@deg99 — Runestone Omenpath This is interesting, with the first and last abilities affecting the entire table. A very group-hug card, but with the added benefit of letting you planeswalk. I like it! Not sure why it's a legend though.

@snugz — Dack, Destiny Deviant Okay, so technically this doesn't meet the standards of the contest, since there's nothing on it that interacts with Planechase specifically. I still think that this is a really good card to put in a Planechase deck though, since it doubles up your dice abilities, and helps out with making sure you get either Chaos or Planeswalk when you need it. The grouphug +1 is also a nice touch, playing off the multiplayer nature of the format.

@nine-effing-hells — Pandemonium Cantor This is interesting. I'm not entirely sure what the point of this card is, but it certainly is chaotic. I think that the first ability needs reminder text that tells players whether or not the chaos ability of the former or latter plane triggers, and the second ability is chaos just for the sake of chaos. I think if this was at my table I might just kill it to make sure I can keep my chaos abilities.

@mmmmmin — Bottled Plane This is really cool, I super like the idea of taking a plane card coming up and either keeping it for later, or just shelving it cause it's not useful. I have a few minor corrections in terms of syntax. I would have it reveal cards, because I'm not entirely sure you can draw cards from the planar deck. I also would make the exile clause be like, "when this card leaves the battlefield, put all cards exiled with Bottled Plane on top of your planar deck in any order," and the sacrifice thing be the planeswalk. That way it's still functionally the same, but uses some updated wording to make it run a tad better.

@coolcoolcooltighttightight — Quintorius, Avid Explorer This is a really cool Quintorius card, and I love the inclusion of blue to represent his stepping in for Rootha during the Phyrexian Invasion. I also think the last clause is super nice, cause who doesn't want an Elephant lad as a commander? I do kind of think that the abilities are a bit much though. Like, there's the Planechase mechanics, surveil, and investigate all on one card. All of these together are a lot to take in. Technically all of these are deciduous (apart from the Planechase but shhh), but it kind of explodes in my face. Big ups on making the -3 abillity give incentive to rolling the planar die, as well as the "chaos ability" and +2 play off of Lorehold's whole schtick.

----

HOLY CRAP. This was a lot. I loved seeing all of your cards, and I hope that y'all are proud of what you made. In addition, I really hope that y'all enjoy the next contest, which was posted while I was typing this out. Seems like y'all aren't done planeswalking anytime soon!

Cheers! -@gollumni

[demonfox38]

Post Game Evaluation - Final Fantasy V (GBA)

In questions that'll make a Millenial sweat.

This year has ended up being demanding in terms of travel. I'd like to say that it was all for positive reasons, but it's hard to frame my maternal grandmother's sudden health decline and relocation into an assisted living facility as positive. (At least she's alive and remembers my name? That's something.) To go full teal deer, I've been spending a lot of weekends away from my house. And, hell. What good are portable video games if not keeping me sane and conscious during frantic times?

This isn't the first time I've played through "Final Fantasy V." My previous completion was done while I was on a Christmas break in college, which…man, don't make me think about how long ago that was. Point being, I was a little foggy on the game and my reception of it. So, I wanted a refresh.

It's amazing what your mind decides to retain. Or, many times, doesn't.

"Final Fantasy V" is structurally similar to the first and third "Final Fantasy" games. Protect elementally based crystals, fight dudes in obnoxiously luxuriant armor, assign jobs to characters for the task. Unfortunately, the main cast for this game either has the worst sense of timing or is completely inept (your choice!), as all of the crystals they aim to protect get obliterated into dozens of pieces. Like, all of them, every time. And then they go to another world, upon which they actively get the previous generation of heroes all killed off for good. And then the worlds get "Tales of Symphonia"-style smooshed back together, and that somehow is also a bad deal because hell is apparently a vacuum, and it's going to suck everyone into it if your party doesn't stop sucking for 5 minutes!

Look, these people eventually get things cleaned up. Just don't trust any of them with your vehicles, pets, or house plants. All will be toast in 30 minutes.

I might give this cast some shit for being master-class failures, but honestly, this isn't the worst party I've had to deal with. It is neat that the end assembly is three chicks to one dude. The job system also lets you play fast and loose with everyone's skillset, so it's not like anyone is hard-locked into one role. (I guess you can lean into what they are naturally good at, but it doesn't hurt for everybody to have six levels in healing magic, either.) The configuration doesn't feel like some convenient anime harem pervert set-up, either. It shouldn't matter to me who has what gender or what role, but in a series that has a bad habit of defaulting certain characters into certain roles based on gender (or even going completely mono-gender, which blegh), it's nice that you can go, "Nah, fuck that. These princesses are now all samurai. Start dancing, salsa boy!"

With as much diversity as you can get with the Job system, you can also easily end up making yourself sick by grinding too much. I've got the "get everyone's numbers maxed out" mind goblin, to borrow a term from Pat Boivin. It's not enough to have one person master healing magic; everyone's gotta be maxed out on that. It doesn't matter that I might not really need the Monk class's maximum skill. I need all Jobs maxed out for everybody. Considering the game gives you three bonus jobs and an extra post-game job, this can make grinding insufferable. Time-consuming.

I mean, I had the time to waste, considering how often I was away from home. But, still. If grinding wasn't aggravating, then it was lulling me to sleep. (It's amazing when you get older and find out that putting your legs up for 5 minutes will knock your ass out.)

Unlocking all of the options for a job can be a pain in the ass, too. Are you good at finding hidden pianos? What about random monsters hiding out in arbitrary locations? Do you have a spreadsheet open for all of the potential item combinations you can make with the Chemist class? Is your Blue Mage of the right level to learn Level 5 Go Fuck Yourself? Long story short—trying to get a perfect game file is a fool's errand. Getting it done right will require cross-referencing several guides and maps to find every last little nugget, and even then, you may get screwed out based on how much knowledge is available on the specific variant of the game you are playing. And let's be honest—are you really going to use that Bard class outside of one or two dungeons? Are you really going to die if you don't get Catoblepas? Hell, is that even its name, in the version you are using? Who gives a shit if you get that Brave Knife, anyway? It's not like you don't have at least twelve other weapons to use…

Further complicating the situation is "Final Fantasy V"'s release history. This game falls into the same category as titles like "Tales of Phantasia" or "Seiken Densetsu 3" when it comes to its history in the US. I.E.—there was a significant gap in time where the game was unavailable to general audiences, so fan translators stepped in. When an actual release came out of the game's publishers, the previous verbiage had been so entrenched that trying to explain what was what would come with whiplash and potential rejection from previous players.

Now, I say all of this not to say that the translation is bad. From my POV, it's fine! Krile's a weird name, but whatever! At least Bartz isn't Butz here. The text is competent. What I am saying is that trying to get help on the 2005 GameBoy Advance variant or the 1999 Playstation release or anything made post-2010 does require some backwards translating to understand the ancient texts on GameFAQs and/or fan-managed websites. Don't kick yourself when you miss something. Researching this game is just that much of a shitshow.

Can you imagine waiting almost 6 years now-a-days for a game to get properly localized? I think people would pee their pants if they didn't get an English-translated copy within 6 minutes of the game's release! I'll stick to my guns when I say my favorite games came out between 1986 and 2006. But, damned if I don't appreciate translations just being there for my spoiled English-speaking face. I might play a Pokémon game in Spanish or plow through "Lagrange Point" with the help of a Google Translate-garbled document and a Japanese dictionary, but it's nice when I don't have to take such extreme measures.

I know playing Italian translated "Castlevania" games is a one-way ticket to flunking a language exam. But, I wonder if playing "Lupin the Third" games in Italian might actually be helpful…

In more positive notes, I really like the sprite and menu artwork for the GBA release. It's normalized with the rest of the games that Square Enix put out at the tail-end of the GBA's life cycle, so some of the landscapes and menu pieces have been touched up to try and match the quality of "Final Fantasy VI." The job spritework has always been really cool. It adds personality to each character's interpretation of the job's uniform, like giving cat ears to the White Mage role for Krile or showcasing different dancing style for the Dancer job. Hell, it's funny that the Mimic job is just their normal clothing with a cape thrown on. That sort of design feels like the kind of detail that would have some kind of work-around in a modern adaptation just so the player could keep the clothes they like. I'm thinking like "Monster Hunter Rise" and being able to craft outfits to look like other outfits. That would be perfect!

Having said that—I could have done without the Amano portrait work by the character's dialogue as seen in the GBA version. Like, there was always a divide between character design in and out of the game, but boy, does it stick out like a sickly sore thumb here. Way too pale and dead compared to the otherwise lively color palette. I would enjoy playing a fully Amano-stylized game (although, I suppose the FFIV remake is probably that, weird character proportions aside.) As it is, it's weird to see his work alongside what others decided to roll with.

I wish I could offer more opinions on the music, but since I was playing around other people, I was keeping my volume off as much as possible. That bridge fight theme versus Gilgamesh does kick ass, though. Other than that? I was more going, "Hey, wait. I think I recognize this from a Vaporwave song" more than anything.

I'm surprised with what details stuck with me after two playthroughs a decade apart. I think it would be pretty hard to forget Galuf and all of the shit he goes through. But, a lot of Faris' story stuck with me, too. When I was wrapping up prep-work for the rush through the final dungeon, I remembered getting her dragon as a summon, but weirdly enough, not getting her sister's wind drake. I wonder if I had skipped that in the past. I don't think its set pieces are anywhere near as memorable as those from "Final Fantasy VI", but there are little memorable chunks here and there.

Also—as goofy as the whole "the antagonist is an evil tree" idea can be, I do like the concept. Considering how many Japanese games pull in the Shinto principle of holy trees for their pivotal plot points, it is funny to see a game go "But what if it's a bastard tree, though?" What is it, like, this game, "Kuon," and a dozen Kirby games? It feels like it should be more of a thing. I just wish that you got to see more "evil tree" and less "dude in armor" for him, though. I mean, we already had FF1's Garland and FF4's Golbez. Imagine if we had something a bit more hinting into Exdeath's tree nature. Like, chunks of armor breaking off, revealing coarse bark and branches pushing their way through. Basically, like if we met a fucked-up Groot that was going around wearing Darth Vader's suit after it had went through a trash compactor. "Resident Evil 4"'s Armaduras, but with vegetation!

Is this the best "Final Fantasy" game I've played? No. I'd put it in the top quarter of "Final Fantasy" games that I would be likely to replay, but I wouldn't say it's my favorite. It's just kinda there. It's 1 and 3 with a plot that gets out of control. But, I didn't hate the cast, as unfortunate as they were. With my propensity towards finding "Final Fantasy" protagonists obnoxious, that alone may be worth a thousand words of praise. It can be picky and obtuse at times, but honestly, finishing the game may not require being that fickle yourself. You've just gotta ask yourself if grinding everything down to a polished sheen is really worth it.

[eorziapple]

❤️ Realization Apple/???

She couldn't stop smiling.

There wasn't anything particularly memorable, mind, Apple was still sorting through the results of her latest expedition to Azys Lla. It was a regular destination for the young summoner, to gather the needed parts, materials, and biological samples for her work in the Lab. The expeditions also served to satiate the Primal she had inadvertently created when she had been awash with light-aspected aether on the First, though she kept that particular objective to herself, her coworkers having plenty to deal with without having to fuss over her mess, after all.

She was elbow deep in a Allaghan node, pulling out the various tome-chips and wires that filled its core, most of this would be shuffled off to Jessie, Apple half suspected that Erick didn't hassle the lab over budgets due largely to the arrangement she had made with the Ironworks, but there were a few interesting particularities about this particular one that she thought she might be able to study. As best as she could surmise, it was something of an aether detection node, rather one that detected unsafe or particularly strong levels of aether. Unfortunately, that aspect drew it to its untimely dismantling at the hands of Death, the Primal was in the middle of expelling the excessive darkness aether within her with the dispatching of the various biological abominations that had been left behind by their cruel masters.

If she could figure out how it worked, she might be able to manage Death better in the future, not having to rely on the physical symptoms of aether-sickness to manifest before setting out. She heard the familiar sound of the laboratory door sliding open, and the smile was already forming as she took in the tall, impressive silhouette of Zoisette stepped through, nodding to her and offering a smile of greeting.

She couldn't stop smiling

It was a long conversation, both of them had been out in the field for awhile, so there was certainly a lot to catch up on. Mostly they talked shop, what the found, updates to their existing theories and projects. Apple was quick to bring out her notebook, a maddened scrawling of various notes that only she could make any sense of, incorporating Zoi's thoughts and suggestions, already she could formulate some ideas she might try for this new Aether detector to try out, especially drawn to the idea of increasing portability, Zoi always had a mind for the practicality of field work, after all.

As was often the case, their conversation turned carried on for quite some time, to the point where they relocated to the bar to get some dinner. Apple appreciated the change of scenery, and was pleased to be able to contribute in less work-related topics, like her experience with Limsan cuisine, fishing, what made the perfect cocktail.

She couldn't stop smiling.

Soon enough it was growing late, the two parting, Zoisette heading home and Apple headed back to the lab to grab a few things before heading out herself. Of course, what she had intended as a quick 5 minutes to clean up turned into about an hour of organization. as she passed by her desk, her eyes were drawn to a framed photograph. It was the staff photo of the science team, she'd suggested the Bismark as the destination that year, all of them posed on the balcony. She picked it up, looking at it fondly, it was a good memory, these were good people. She smiled as she saw Zoi in the picture, the Elezen's tall frame leaned in over her head, hands stabilized on her shoulders as she smiled.

Apple couldn't stop smiling.

Her lips lowered down to the photograph, pressing against the glass frame right over the section with her an Zoi.

Apple paused.

Why did she do that?

"Why the fuck did I do that?!" she exclaimed.

@yzeltia @biot08 for the mention

[ravetaper]

Josh Wink Futurama Rave Live Set 1995

This is a 138-minute audio recording of Josh Wink Futurama rave live set recorded in Los Angeles on December 16, 1995.

Rave Tapes · JOSH WINK - Futurama Rave Live Set 1995 LA

The live set that shouldn't be. Anyone searching for Real Rave Sh*t has found it.

Finally, this recording will get the attention it deserves. But I'm not sure where to begin. Should I talk about Jason Jay, first? Or Josh Wink? Or Marlon and Anthony? The technical difficulties?

First, one of the co-promotors, Jason Jay (@electricdayzent). He was a force of the LA rave scene throughout the 1990's and 2000's. His biggest legacy was co-creator of Magic Wednesdays, a rave-like mid-week club. The location changed over the years but Jason and partners DJ Eli Star and Auro Michael always managed to snag the biggest names touring through LA at the time. Jason launched several other brands over the years including Fun Haus, Omni Center, Dreamland, Kandi Festival, Party Monster, and Monday Mondays. But the iconic event we all remember from rave's heyday was Futurama. I had a chance to ask Jason about the concept:

"We wanted to base it on futurism, like the World's Fair back in the day, as well as the positivism we felt in the rave movement."

It's unfortunate Fox Television created an animated show some years later using the same name. But to me, "Futurama" will always mean Josh Wink's first Los Angeles rave live set.

My memory of the location is fuzzy other than being in downtown LA. I remember setting up my gear on a narrow, unfinished staircase behind the dj decks, probably because I arrived late and the room was already crowded. Apparently, there were more than 4,000 attendees that night.

The whole scene was sketch. The room was likely overcapacity. I was balancing on a staircase. And I suspected there was a problem with one of the turntables, or with one of my cables, or both.

When the skinny kid with overflowing blond dreadlocks made it to the decks, we breathed a sigh of relief. Josh Wink had arrived!

I'm just glad we captured the whole set, given the chaos of the situation.

Here's what happened. I got there first. I pugged in my usual setup: dj mixer line out into my personal Realistic mixer, stereo mic into Realistic, Realistic out to Sony D7 portable DAT. Later, my friends Marlon and Anthony arrived with their DAT recorder, but it was too late for them to pull a second, clean feed from the DJ mixer (they preferred a dry signal without the mic). The only thing I could give them was copy of my signal which had the mic. It was better than nothing. So eventually we had two DATs rolling in time for Wink's set.

It happened. We were there. We recorded it.

And 15+ years pass...

At some point I dug up the DAT but quickly realized it was damaged. Not sure what happened but the signal was all crackly. Was it possible to restore it somehow? Maybe. But I filed it back in the archive and forgot about it again.

But then my old friend Anthony reached out and we start chatting about the good ol' days. I asked him if he ever ripped his recording of Josh Wink. He did! But, he said the recording had issues. One of the stereo channels was ruined by constant dropouts and noise. He applied a simple fix my copying and pasting the good channel over the bad one. Not a perfect solution, but better than nothing. He sent it over. And yes, it was a lot better than nothing.

Then I sat on it for a couple more years.

Finally, I dug it up for some reason – probably because I was itching to hear it again and analyze what Wink played night.

But being the perfectionist I am, I had to do my part to improve the recording. I edited out remaining dropouts, added some stereo separation, and applied my mastering chain.

The result? Spine-tingling!

This recording transports the listener right to the moment in 1995. The mic is loud in the mix, so one can really hear the room. The background noise is quiet at the start but by the middle of the set you can hear a packed room hooting and hollering with the beat.

And the song selection? Holy smokes! This is really relevant stuff. Wink works in all the Ovum hits of the day including Are You There and Higher State of Consciousness. I always thought of Josh Wink as a house DJ but thinking about it more, we would probably call it techno? Does it matter?

Josh Wink tracks exploited the Roland TB-303, the awkward silver box that generated those classic, squelchy acid bass lines. But while most acid and/or techno featured 303 basslines that were mechanical and dissonant sounding, Wink coaxed a degree of 'funk' out of the machine that few others could. I would say it was common to hear funky/jazzy elements in music produced by West Coast musicians at the time. Making a 303 sound funky was a novel, SoCal-flavored approach.

In addition to the Wink Ovum tracks, he worked in several iconic anthems of the time.

Power outage. About halfway through the set the power got cut. Jason later told me how he was protecting the last spare fuse with his life. When that failed, they resorted to closing the circuit by pressing a wad of aluminum foil into the fuse box and holding it there by hand until the show was over. Real Rave Promotor Sh*t.

I edited out about a minute or two of silence but included the brilliant way Wink restarts the set.

The finished product is an imperfect masterpiece. Respected producer/dj dropping a 2+hour set at a real rave in LA in 1995, and we get to hear what it sounded like?

Yeah, real rave sh*t, right here.

By the way, as someone who still attends events to this day, the LA rave and underground scene is alive and well. And honestly, besides the occasional appearance of a cell phone, the vibes are not too different. Incredibly, some of yesteryear's masters are sill out and about, still playing gigs, including Keoki, Doc Martin, Josh Wink, Mark Farina, Joey Beltram, The Crystal Method, among others. So if you're out in LA maybe we'll see you there!

Follow and support Josh Wink and Ovum Recordings!

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[autumnalwalker]

Happy STS! What is your character's favourite possession? Share a snippet about it if you like 💜

Not something I've thought about for all my characters, but for the ones that I have:

From The Archivist's Journal:

The Archivist: The journal.

Maiko: A carved figurine of a animal that the Archivist has never heard of and may not exist in the world of the Village. Apparently it's something like a dog in behavior and social role if not in form. Her mother made it for her when she was a child.

Vernon: The coat that acts as the symbol of his status as Village mediator. How he doesn't get heat stroke walking around in it in tropical weather remains a mystery to the Archivist.

From Empty Names:

Road: Their shapeshifting jacket. Although given that it's sort of alive, it might be more pet than possession.

Sullivan: His wedding ring.

Ashan: Ashan (mostly by choice) has very few worldly possessions, and those select items that he hangs onto are each precious in some way. Here's a snippet about it:

It is always a strange feeling, waking up in an unfamiliar bed.  Doubly so when you are not used to waking up in a bed at all.  Though for all that strangeness, Ashan finds himself conceding to no one in particular that it does feel nice.  The weight of the blankets, the texture of the pillowcase, such things are absent from his usual habit of simply sleeping suspended midair inside a climate-controlled privacy ward.  Perhaps his standard sleep ritual is not quite as superior to ordinary bedding as he likes to believe.

Then again, he is finding it unusually difficult to get up and moving now that he is awake.  A result of poor sleep quality induced by physical bedding or just leftover exhaustion from yesterday?  Surely he is not giving in to the indulgence of luxury.  But it does feel nice just lying here, half asleep with the blankets curled tight around him and the morning light barely filtering in through dual layers of window and bed curtains.

Take a rest.  Sleep in.  You’ve earned it.

Ashan throws back the covers and pivots to sit upright with his legs hanging over  the side of the bed, brushing against the surrounding drapery.

That is the sort of thing she would say to him on a morning like this.  Or… no?  That is what Road said last night before leaving him to retire for the evening.

Hers is the voice he imagines though.

Without the covers over him he suddenly feels terribly exposed.  Pulling the bed’s curtain aside, he reaches out, snaps his wizard’s raiment from where he left it last night and quickly slips into it.  He can count on one hand the number of times since returning to the world of his birth that he’s taken it off.  Not coincidentally, it’s the same as the number of times he’s actually bathed instead of simply magically cleaning himself and his clothes.  That had been the first complex spell his teacher had taught him and she’s ever been invented. 

If you never master another spell, at least learn this one.  Best spell that’s ever been invented. 

And yet, there was a relaxation to warm water that the spell’s efficiency cut out. 

He checks the contents of his sleeves, verifying that everything is accounted for.  Wand, white with a blended rainbow.  Coinpouch, now stuffed with more folded paper currency than coin.  Portable makeup kit, understated yet elegant in its lid’s design.  The sum total of his worldly possessions.  All gifts from her, directly or indirectly, the same as his robes.

He raises a hand to draw a mirror in the air but stops himself short.  He should not strain himself more than necessary after yesterday’s burnout.  And besides, there is a perfectly good vanity set against the wall opposite of the foot of the bed.

After opening the window blinds to let in the sunlight and a view of the estate’s gardens he takes a seat in front of the vanity’s mirror, sets down the makeup kit, opens it, selects a brush, and gets to work.

This had been a daily morning ritual for Ashan, once upon a time.  The subtle transformation of his face is not so much a masking over but a drawing out of how he sees himself.  He had tried to make adjustments when he had first gone his separate ways from his teacher - experimenting with the angle and curve of the eyeliner, going lighter on the contouring, altering the blend on colors - but it had never felt like him in the mirror afterward.  While he might have copied her style to begin with, it was his just as much as it was hers now.

Wrapping up the finishing touches and closing the box some minutes later he pauses, considering.  These days he normally ends the application with a spell to keep the makeup pristine and in place for a week or more in order to preserve the kit’s dwindling supplies that he still has not been able to find satisfactory replacements for on this world.  But there is the matter of overexertion to consider.

In the end, he returns the kit to his sleeve and heads to the bedroom door without any spellcasting.  If there is one occasion that warrants wasting a little bit of material to look his best then surely spending a day in the home of the sorceress Bridgewood is it.

[bestoffsetsmokers]

Unveiling the Best Weber Grills: Your Guide to Grilling Excellence

In the world of grilling, few names command as much respect as Weber. With a legacy spanning decades, Weber grills have become synonymous with quality, innovation, and the unmistakable aroma of a perfectly grilled meal. In this guide, we'll explore the top picks that define the Best Weber Grills, ensuring your barbecue adventures are nothing short of extraordinary.

Weber Genesis II E-310 - The Classic Choice

When it comes to classics, the Weber Genesis II E-310 stands tall. Boasting three powerful burners, a spacious cooking area, and the iconic Weber flavorizer bars, this grill is a backyard staple. The porcelain-enameled cooking grates ensure even heat distribution, making it perfect for grilling enthusiasts who appreciate reliability and consistency.

Weber Spirit II E-310 - Compact Powerhouse

For those with limited space but a big appetite for grilling, the Weber Spirit II E-310 takes the spotlight. This compact powerhouse features the GS4 grilling system, ensuring reliable ignition, consistent heat, and minimal flare-ups. The fold-down side tables add a touch of convenience, making it an excellent choice for urban dwellers or anyone looking to maximize their grilling potential in a smaller footprint.

Weber Summit S-470 - The Ultimate Grilling Experience

If you're searching for the pinnacle of grilling excellence, look no further than the Weber Summit S-470. This luxury grill is a true culinary marvel, featuring four burners, a dedicated smoker box, a side burner, and a sear station. The stainless steel cooking grates and flavorizer bars make it a durable choice for those who demand nothing but the best. The Summit series is a testament to Weber's commitment to providing a premium grilling experience.

Weber Q2200 - Portable Power

For grill masters on the go, the Weber Q2200 is the answer to your portable grilling dreams. Don't let its compact size fool you; this grill packs a punch. With a generous cooking area and a single stainless steel burner, it's perfect for picnics, camping, or tailgating. The porcelain-enameled cast-iron cooking grates deliver those coveted grill marks, ensuring your meals are infused with that signature Weber flavor.

Weber Original Kettle Premium - Timeless Tradition

There's something inherently charming about the Weber Original Kettle Premium. It's a grill that pays homage to the brand's roots while embracing modern innovations. The classic kettle design is perfect for charcoal enthusiasts, and the built-in ash catcher simplifies cleanup. Whether you're a seasoned grill master or a novice, the Original Kettle Premium is a testament to the timeless appeal of Weber's grilling heritage.

Weber Performer Deluxe - Charcoal Convenience

For those who love the flavor of charcoal but crave the convenience of gas grills, the Weber Performer Deluxe strikes the perfect balance. With a built-in gas ignition system, charcoal grilling has never been easier. The Touch-N-Go gas ignition ensures a quick start, while the One-Touch cleaning system simplifies the post-grilling cleanup. It's a marriage of tradition and innovation, catering to the preferences of versatile grill enthusiasts.

Weber SmokeFire EX6 - Elevating the Art of Smoking

If you're ready to take your grilling game to the next level, the Weber SmokeFire EX6 is your ticket to smoked perfection. This pellet grill combines the convenience of a gas grill with the rich, smoky flavor of a traditional smoker. With precision temperature control and a large cooking area, it's a versatile choice for those who want to explore the world of low-and-slow barbecue.

Weber Jumbo Joe - Compact Charcoal Charm

For those who appreciate the simplicity of charcoal grilling but need a more portable option, the Weber Jumbo Joe is a standout choice. With a compact design and a lightweight build, it's the perfect companion for camping trips, beach outings, or impromptu backyard grilling sessions. Don't let its size fool you – it's big on flavor and convenience.

Weber Spirit II E-210 - Entry-Level Excellence

For beginners dipping their toes into the world of grilling, the Weber Spirit II E-210 is a welcoming entry point. This two-burner grill retains the quality and performance Weber is known for, making it an excellent choice for those taking their first steps in outdoor cooking. The open-cart design and folding side table add a dash of practicality for easy storage.

Weber Go-Anywhere Gas Grill - Grilling on the Move

The name says it all – the Weber Go-Anywhere Gas Grill is your ticket to grilling freedom. Whether you're tailgating, camping, or picnicking, this portable grill is ready to accompany you on your culinary adventures. With a push-button ignition and porcelain-enameled cooking grates, it brings the Weber experience to wherever your journey takes you.

Weber Summit Charcoal Grill - Charcoal Mastery

For those who seek the utmost control over their charcoal grilling experience, the Weber Summit Charcoal Grill is a game-changer. With features like a Snap-Jet gas ignition system and a Rapidfire lid damper, achieving the perfect temperature has never been easier. It's a grill that caters to the desires of the most discerning charcoal enthusiasts.

Weber Ranch Kettle - King of the Backyard

For those who believe in the mantra "go big or go home," the Weber Ranch Kettle is the undisputed king of backyard grilling. With a colossal cooking area, this charcoal grill is designed for epic gatherings and serious barbecue aficionados. It's a statement piece that transforms your backyard into a grilling arena, ready to conquer any culinary challenge.

Weber Summit E-670 - Luxe Outdoor Kitchen

Turn your backyard into a culinary paradise with the Weber Summit E-670. This gas grill, equipped with six burners, a smoker box, a sear station, and a rotisserie, is the epitome of outdoor kitchen luxury. The stainless steel construction ensures durability, while the multitude of cooking options caters to the most ambitious home chefs.

Weber Smokey Joe - Compact Charcoal Classic

When it comes to compact charcoal grills, the Weber Smokey Joe is a classic choice. Its lightweight design and affordable price make it a favorite among those who appreciate the simplicity of charcoal grilling. Whether you're a seasoned grill master or a beginner, the Smokey Joe is a reliable companion for flavorful outdoor cooking.

Weber Summit Kamado E6 - Versatile Ceramic Wonder

For those who crave versatility in their grilling experience, the Weber Summit Kamado E6 delivers. This ceramic grill combines the best of both worlds – the efficiency of a kamado-style cooker and the innovation of Weber. With precise temperature control and a spacious cooking area, it's a versatile choice for smoking, roasting, and grilling.

Conclusion

In the world of grilling, Weber stands as a beacon of excellence, and choosing the best Weber grill is a journey of personal preference and culinary exploration. Whether you're a seasoned pitmaster or a novice looking to embark on your grilling adventures, a Weber grill promises not just a tool for cooking but a companion for creating unforgettable moments around delicious food. So, fire up your grill, savor the aroma, and let Weber be your guide to grilling greatness.