#Crack posts

[faramirsonofgondor]

imagine your a firefighter in LA in the 911verse. you hear about some guy getting impaled through the head with rebar and surviving: the guy is a firefighter. you think “woah what a coincidence”. you see on the news a firefighter getting stabbed and a woman getting kidnapped. it’s the same guy as before. you see on the news a fire truck getting blown up, and a firefighter getting crushed by it. at least it’s a new guy this time. it’s the same station as the guy before. that’s a little strange, isn’t it? he makes a miraculous recovery. a year later you hear about a man saving people during a tsunami. it’s the same fucking guy. you see on the news a firefighter getting trapped in a well, and another firefighter clawing at dirt. the firefighter looks familiar. it’s the same. fucking. guy. whatever, there’s plenty of coincidences, right? a year later you see your colleagues getting shot on TV, one face looks a little familiar, but you don’t place it until after the shooter is caught. it’s the fucking guy who was stuck in the well. this is getting a bit ridiculous now, isn’t it? you hear on the news that a firefighter got caught killing people on purpose, and that is was solved by two other firefighters. you beg, you plead, you pray to the TV gods that it’s somebody new, some other station. it’s not. when you hear about a firefighter being struck by lightning at a scene, you have a fleeting moment of hope where you believe it might someone else. you punch a hole through your TV as soon as his face shows up. you don’t replace your TV. you go to a poker game with your boss, hoping to find some solace in this horrible, hopeless world you’ve found yourself in. you see them and nearly the flip the table. you don’t follow the news anymore, you don’t go anywhere besides work, paranoid that they will appear suddenly. you get a call about a bridge collapse. you quit your job as you as you get to the scene. you go on a cruise. you meet another man who says he’s also a firefighter. you ask him what station he works for (it’s only the polite thing to do). you run away and stay in your cabin. the boat fucking capsizes. a helicopter descends from the sky, and you want to feel relief, but all you feel is horrible, all consuming dread. a hand reaches out to pull you up, you grab it, unthinking, and look up to see who’s rescued you. you let go.

[jacki-daytona]

[emdashbitch]

the idea that Joaquín and Peter were born in the same year or close to amuses me to no end after seeing Danny and Tom are only a few years apart. as of writing this, we don't know Joaquin's birthday, just that he didn't Blip.

the absolute minimum age he could've been in TFATWS is 21 (if he enlisted at 17, and adding a mean average of 4 years to reach lieutenant rank), which is two years younger than Peter would've been by then had he not Blipped. I don't think Joaquín was that young, probably more 23 range? he struck me as early 20s

Joaquín calls Peter "kid" ONE TIME because he's always getting called that, so it's nice to use it on someone else, and from deep in Peter's soul comes "FUCK OFF BIRD BOY WE'RE THE SAME AGE"

[thelostgirl21]

Anya zoning out, after Joey decides that Hugh Skinner would be the best co-star to be stuck in a lift with for 24 hours.

[adhd-merlin]

merlin writers: so kids, the moral of the story is that if you have the chance to kill your enemy while they're still an innocent child you should take it

[super-sootica]

Apparently some people when watching Cunk on Earth don't immediately realise it's a joke because they aren't used to British humour and some Americans actually make dumb documentaries that are meant to be taken seriously??

Is this why I sometimes get sent outrageous hate for crack posts? 'Screw you, he never said that!'. Are you sure Becky? Are you sure Jesus Christ never said have a hunga bunga birthday?

[lesbianreginageorgeisreal]

Introduction!

♥︎ Can call me Ziva or Z ♥︎ She/Her | Lesbian ♥︎ Anxiety and MDD ♥︎ Interests: → Crocheting → Musicals → Writing + Reading → Stardew Valley → Coding → Drawing This is mostly crack posts at this point, but incorrect quotes will be scattered around.

Have a good day/evening/night!

[acourtofquestions]

Bryce, after literally dying upon seeing Ithan for the first time: Who died and made you Prime?

Ithan, smirking & shrugging: Sabine.

[vix-the-fruity-bi]

i was scrolling through old drawings and...

I present to all of you

🥁🥁🥁🥁

.....the...

the BInomial formula : D✨.....

: D....

[faramirsonofgondor]

be gay, do crime? nay

be gayer, do crimer

[annastrxng]

[thelostgirl21]

Geralt "Oh no! A stubborn bard has decided to follow me around! *Heavy sigh* If only I had the means to outrun him!" of Rivia

I don't think I'll ever get over how much of a drama queen Geralt is in Season 1, whenever he's pretending to be annoyed that Jaskier keeps following him around...

I mean, next time, when you find a stray bard on the road, maybe don't slow down your freakin' horse if you don't plan on keeping him, Geralt!

Otherwise, congratulations! You've just officially adopted him for the rest of his life!

He's your bard now!

It is thus your official responsibility to keep him safe, loved, well-fed, provide him with plenty of social and environmental enrichment, and deal with people's complaints whenever he runs off to cause trouble, steal their foods, hump their wives, mothers, concubines (I'm guessing Jaskier has angry nobles wanting to hurt him, more specifically, because even in a fantasy world, women are treated as "property", while men are expected to follow their own desires), etc.

I hate to break this to you, but you 100% brought this on yourself!

Oh, and just so you know, while you were away trying to deal with Rience and his master, your viscount of a bard started meeting and mating with Dijkstra and Philippa's prince.

Normally, that wouldn't really be a problem, given that it's not the first time your bard's been sleeping around with nobility.

Except for the fact that these two are absolutely awful at taking care of their own royals!

I kid you not, they recently had a queen and a king put down in a matter of days, because they felt like they'd failed their obedience training, and decided it would be easier to just start over with a new prince instead!

So, they made Radovid king now, and will no doubt be trying to teach him to heel.

And if they can't properly train him to be obedient enough, I fear they might stop letting him outside of the castle, use abusive and coercive techniques on him, or go looking for a new royal to potentially replace him, then attempt to have him be put down, too.

And, I mean, Yennefer and you have already adopted a viscount and a princess, right? What's one more royal to look after?

So, once you've gotten Ciri back, may I suggest you adopt him, too?

He's very sweet, quiet, and likes to hide in dark corners with a heavy fluffy blanket.

He loves listening to pretty songs.

He's very good at catching things being thrown by people, and bringing them back to their rightful owner.

Also, he doesn't mind spending the night in a shed.

For a king, he's surprisingly low maintenance!

A bit of mead, some warmth, a few hiding spots, your bard... I'm sure you'd have no trouble keeping him happy, and getting him to follow you around!

Plus, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of your fault it happened, you know!

If you'd just taken your bard with you when you went to search for Rience, he wouldn't have gone straight (or very queer, actually) to Dijkstra and Philippa's prince, engaged in courtship display, and started bonding with him.

So, I believe it would be pure cruelty to keep these two apart now that they've become a mated pair.

Normally, I might have suggested joint custody, but since you can't trust Dijkstra and Philippa to provide a good home for your viscount, that means you need to make some room in yours for their king.

And hope he won't do anything stupid that'll get him hurt until he can properly be rescued.

The good news, though, is that both your bard and his king are males, so you shouldn't have to worry about them making new little royal babies.

[ratasum]

Zojja was actually gone so long because she and Niabba ran off to get married in private.

True story.

I am just being silly but still.

[adhd-merlin]

mordred preaching to merlin about "the love that binds us" is so funny to me, like. "morgana had forgotten that love is more important than power so I reminded her by STABBING HER IN THE BACK". what an insane little dude.

[adhd-merlin]

merlin releasing kilgharrah

[ilynpilled]

trope i really like is self-loathing characters desperate for the catharsis of punishment for frankly rather selfish reasons who r also obsessed with repeatedly pressing others into hating them and hurting them as essentially a method of self harm. yes pls continue making it worse for urself and everybody around u instead of doing an actually productive and effective journey of improvement