#Crowley's mommy issues

[giantmushyfriend]

One of the many fan theories that will absolutely wreck me any day of the week is the theory that when Aziraphale sees Crowley in Rome for the first time since the resurrection, he asks Crowley if he's still a demon because Aziraphale wants to believe that Crowley may have been Risen. Because in Aziraphale's eyes, he knows deep down that Crowley is good, even if Aziraphale knows that, based on what he has been told, Crowley shouldn't be. He knows Crowley doesn't belong in hell and doesn't belong working for Satan, but because of this divided thinking he's been imprinted with, it means that Crowley automatically belongs in heaven. And if the resurrection was meant to forgive everyone of their sins, anyone who asked for forgiveness, then why was Crowley still on earth as a demon?

I can't help but yearn for a line in a fic that goes something like, "If all sins were forgiven with the death of Jesus, why was Crowley still here? Why had he, who was inherently good, been left? Why had the person who had deserved forgiveness the most been left behind? Aziraphale, in that small tavern nestled within the streets of Rome, glances towards the ceiling and the creator he's fought not to question this entire time, 'Why not him? Why didn't he die for the forgiveness of of all your creations?'"

We've seen this paradox of Aziraphale, an angel of the Almighty herself, losing his faith and a demon who still has his. And I need it so biblically for it to be explored more.

It would kill me, but I would devour it.

[sentientsky]

hmmmmgrhhf thinking bout crowley and childhood trauma and abandonment and rage again

[hg-aneh]

Hi there- do you have anymore of those Good Omens shitpost drawings you're willing to share? My cramps are killing me and I wanna die rn 😭😭😭

this one is rather recent and i like it a lot femziraphale my beloved

[actual-changeling]

He asks him exactly once.

Some months after the world almost ended, Crowley still smells smoke and tastes fire whenever he first enters the bookshop, and so every single time he stays into the evening, he gets drunk. It's not the ideal way of dealing with it, but it works, and, really, it's not going to last forever.

(Right?)

Either way, it's past midnight and he's absolutely shitfaced. Aziraphale pulled out the good whiskey around eleven, and while he is still nursing his second glass, Crowley has lost count of how many times he has topped off his. Looking back, it is hard to tell why that evening, why that question at that time - not that it matters much.

The room is spinning, he is less than artfully sprawled across the sofa and only held in place by a stern look Aziraphale had leveled at the cushions at some point; they wouldn't dare to let him slide off.

"Stars, angel," he says, responding to... something, surely.

"The whole bloody sky 's full of 'em, but you only see such a tiny teeny sparkling sparkle."

Pushing himself a bit more upright so he can face Aziraphale in his armchair, the liquid sloshing dangerously, Crowley impatiently waits for a response, flopping onto his back when he doesn't receive one within seconds.

"Y'know, 's all so pointless, innit?"

Even with his gaze tracing colourful swirling lines on the ceiling, he knows exactly what kind of frown falls onto Aziraphale's face, half worried and half thoughtful. Distantly, emptying his glass and miraculously not choking, he wonders what his concerned little pout would taste like.

"Maybe we're simply not supposed to know the point, my dear, the-"

"The Almighty 's not here, angel, She doesn't care 'bout my stars."

His interruption ends on a sigh, a puffy exhale laced with the first sparks of millennia old angry frustration, and his mind is jumping between centuries and memories alike, leaving him uncomfortably dizzy.

"D'you think," Crowley begins, his voice oddly steady, "She's still- does She care 'bout me?"

If he were fractionally less drunk, he would have sobered up before the words slipped past his lips, but he isn't, and he doesn't. Regret comes all the same, immediately and forcefully enough to punch the air out of his lungs. Home, he needs to go home, needs to take the question back, needs to run before the pity undoubtedly radiating from Aziraphale hits him. His limbs are dipped in honey, unresponsive to his commands, and he screws his eyes shut just long enough to get rid of the worst of the vertigo.

He does not know the answer nor which answer he wants to hear, and yet he has whispered the question to the stars countless times, receiving nothing but cold silence.

(I still love you, he wants to tell her, sometimes, hoping that maybe-

You made me and I still talk to you and you're my Mother, you're the heat burning in my the stars, you're watching us, me and him, and you have yet to punish us him)

With considerable effort, he pulls himself upright with one hand gripping the backrest, dropping his empty glass onto the floor and swinging his legs down next to it. His vision is a blurry haze, his mind too heavy to fully comprehend the panic raging behind it, and a familiar rush of blood in his ears is drowning out Aziraphale muttering in concern.

"Sorry, 'm leaving. See you t'morrow, angel."

"Crowley-"

Making it to the Bentley with nothing but a twisted miracle, he shakes off Aziraphale's fluttering hands, and falls into the driver's seat; she knows where to go, whether he's actually driving her or not. Loneliness seeps into his bones while the engine cools, and he forbids himself from thinking about the response Aziraphale might have given him if he had stayed.

The stars above London are distant and quiet like they always are, and not for the first time, Crowley accepts the silence as the answer it is.

(He asks the sky again three weeks later, he never did know when to stop with the questions.)

(Deep down, he thinks knows hopes if he just keeps asking, eventually She will answer; he hates Her almost as much as he misses Her.)

(Almost)

[420technoblazeit]

supernatural's so funny it's like yeah here's these two brothers with different flavors of daddy issues here's their angel friend who also has daddy issues and this demon guy they occasionally work with who has. mommy issues, actually. just kidding he also has daddy issues on top of that

[cynical-canidae]

I had an epiphany yesterday lying awake in bed and now I completely understand Aziraphale's motivations and decisions in s2e6. This is coming from someone who on first watch-through was also upset with Aziraphale. However, I have changed my mind. Instead, I am deeply saddened for him.

Some of this may be obvious, but bear with me. I will try to be to the point, but I am a rambler. So come along for the ride!! I talk about emotionally abusive parents, so if that bothers you, don't read on.

Crowley's relationship with his parent (God/Heaven) is meant to symbolize that of someone who has been disowned/cut them out of their life. And Aziraphale's relationship with his parent (God/Heaven) is that of one who still has that figure in their life. Someone who still has to interact with them. Someone who has not separated themself from their source of trauma, so it keeps happening/they have had no time to heal. From personal experience, this creates a very complex dynamic between you and your parent figure/abuser, and exploring this PERFECTLY explains why Aziraphale does what he does.

Here is why.

When you have an emotionally abusive parent, it's really, REALLY hard to unpack. You are taught that your parent can do no wrong. They're always right. If they do something awful to you, then it must be your fault. You learn to associate this treatment with love. Because that's the thing, isn't it? They love you. They tell you they love you. They're doing this "because they love you." They want "what's best for you." You're ungrateful if you think otherwise.

It can be super hard to grow out of this mindset because your self-worth becomes solely dependent on your ability to make them happy and please them. Even if you can acknowledge that they are abusive, it still takes a lot to stop associating their approval with being loved and having a purpose.

It is even harder when you have not separated yourself from this constant cycle. It can be so, so frustrating because YOU love THEM. You probably shouldn't, but you do. You WANT to make it work. You WANT their approval. You WANT this happy world where they can magically be like "Oh, I understand the error of my ways. Let's be a proper, happy family from now on." Even if they have been abhorrent to you and you can acknowledge that, you still love them. It would be so much easier if you didn't, but you do.

That's why you keep hope. You defensively keep them at arm's length. Sometimes, you see moments where you truly believe they could change. Maybe they do something nice or maybe they respect a boundary they didn't before. These moments stay with you even when they cross that same old line. The moment you feel like "maybe everyone was right. Maybe I would be better off without them," these moments drag you through the bad times. It's why people saying "why don't you just leave them?" is so frustrating (though it may be true). Because you have this optimistic idea of how things could be in your head. You would rather keep trying than admit that your parent doesn't truly love you. You would rather keep trying because your brain thinks their approval is the one thing that you can't live without.

Does this sound familiar?

Aziraphale is the culmination of millions and millions of years of mommy issues, and in s2e6, he's just been given a whole platter of things to doubt himself on. The Archangel Gabriel actually feels the same way, very done with Heaven's bullshit. He even did this very forbidden, totally against regulation thing that Aziraphale has also kept quiet (falling in love with your "hereditary enemy"). The Metatron, who Aziraphale was definitely NOT keen on beforehand, is actually surprisingly understanding and kind. To which Aziraphale pointedly says he believes HE (Zira) misjudged them (The Metatron). SO understanding, in fact, to the point that The Metatron even shows what could be acceptance of Aziraphale working with Crowley. Even perhaps reinstating them to be an angel.

This is very important because this is what every person in this situation dreams of hearing. Your abusive parent admitting that they might have made a mistake. They were wrong. Because if they're wrong, that means that what you believe about yourself (it's all your fault the way they treated you; it's not fixable) can possibly be wrong, too. The Metatron saying that to Aziraphale means Heaven could have been in the wrong for casting out Crowley. (NOT at ALL that Crowley is not good enough for Heaven.) That Heaven has the capacity to change for the better and continue doing good even greater than before.

So I really don't think Aziraphale was drugged or anything like that at all. I think he is unwilling to let go of this hope of Heaven changing for the better, which is why he was so, SO excited to share the news. Saying he "wasn't as devastated" by their little breakup or doing it to be malicious is incredibly not true. He loves Crowley just as much. They certainly need to work on their communication, yes, obviously.

However, they ultimately disagreed on this one little thing. EXACTLY LIKE the Gabriel situation. Crowley's solution is to be as far away from the danger as possible. And Aziraphale's solution is to try to fix it. The disagreement in the beginning of the season foreshadowed their disagreement at the very end of this season. Only this time, they've run out of ridiculous "apology" dances and bandaid solutions to distract from the fact they won't talk to each other.

Thank you for reading my word vomit lmao. 🫰🐺

[mommyashtoreth]

what do u think of mommy issues crowley

Tbhhhh I don't really see Crowley as someone particularly Deeply Traumatized (just like Normal Traumatized. We've all been there girl!), especially in a "daddy/mommy issues" sort of sense. If anyone is going to have "mommy issues" related to God, it would most definitely be Aziraphale. Crowley is, at this point, so detached from God that the idea of conceptualizing Them as any sort of parental figure (which is a funny sentence to say about a 6000-year-old demon who also looks fifty) would be quite surreal to her. Meanwhile Aziraphale is like, an adult daughter who's moved out but can't quite shake her parents off her back. She's TRYING to move past it, but that sort of validation is still the only thing she craves. Her "mother" bestowed too much responsibility on her too early in her life and she has never recovered from it. No one ever thinks she has issues because she is demure and bookish and polite, but inside it's tearing her to pieces how much she still wants to please God. This is all part of my ploy to explain why Aziraphale would want Crowley to mommy dom the shit out of her yuristyle, which no one wants to hear about but I'm going to bring up anyway

[cockworkangels]

I'm your mother, dear. Who better to crush your shriveled heart?

for @altarofrowena's celebration: day 5: crowley and rowena

[collarbjt]

SPN 1010

Dean’s dream might be caused by Cain’s mark,

What, that little girl, Jimmy’s daughter, Claire novak??????? She grows so fast! And…her life seems a little bit twisted.

I’m not your father, so anti-Darth Vader line.

Castiel and heaven should feel sorry for Claire and her family.. Well, giving custody to an angel... it’s like the beginning of a story about Jesus.

Dean’s laughing, it makes me happy too

What Rowena’s still in jail? Crowley, you have to see your mother and talk to her, like Cas met Claire

I love the moments when they-Dean Sam and Cas-ask each other for help. Now it’s so natural btw them

Cas is always trying to secure Dean’s self-esteem, love these moments so much, too.

Horrible mother Rowena, horrible father Crowley. What a strong bloodline, lol. Now Gerald has mommy-issue?

What…oh, Claire………. An adult who asks a kid for help is usually a loser. Do not follow those instructions.

Claire said go to hell and then turned into Crowley’s scene? Coooooooool

Now Crowley shows soooo human-like feelings. And Crowley’s mother Rowena is really the terrible mother ! He’s got a serious Mommy issue too.

Oh damn John is not a good father, I still remember 907. What, why the all angels, demons and Sam, Dean….. all have parent issues??

Haha Dean was really a tough kid to raise. Well done for that John

Ohhhh….Randy is a trash. Can’t recycle. Gotohell

Rowena is such a witch!!! Wow surprised me everytime

Nice done, Claire!!! Send them to hellll

Oh,,,,,……. Dean😭😭😭😭😭But well done with this situation I thought…

[biceratops7]

Class of 2013 for Crowley but the version where she’s slamming like two notes on the electric guitar and screaming

[giantmushyfriend]

Who let Crowley on my Pinterest?

[sentientsky]

“To The Daughter Who Secretly Longs For Her Mother’s Affection,” Lynne Shayko

today i learned that i’m not above using my own fanart as a backdrop for angst <3

[stanfordsweater]

happy wincest wednesday!! say more about the sam/dean/crowley love triangle❣️

YESSSS my favourite topic, thank you vicky 💘

the thing i love most about sam/dean/crowley is the canon moments we have, which are wild-- dean canonically has sex with crowley, crowley canonically wants to see sam in s&m gear, sam canonically wants to beat crowley to death-- all fabulous. the thing that strikes me the most about this triad is how many little moments there are between them, especially in season 9-10. not romantic-- i mean the moments that demonstrate dean's loyalty towards crowley, all of which are followed by sam clearly swallowing a lot of anger. and for good reason! it's delicious that one of the few people dean consistently seems to get along with in season nine and ten killed someone sam cared about in season eight. it's such a crazy dynamic to set up, especially coming right off the sacrifice church scene *which crowley saw* 😵‍💫

i've posted the things i've noticed while watching season ten so far, but there's so many interesting reactions from sam when dean mentions crowley. i highly advocate doing a close watch with that in mind. it's SO FUN. SAM HATES HIM SO MUCH. i wrote a post a while back that addresses the way sam, during the mark of cain arc, acts as a united front with dean as often as he can when they're around other people, but when they're alone, he argues hard. i think crowley is a great example of this. i have no examples rn, so correct me if evidence says otherwise, but: sam sees crowley as a threat to his relationship with dean. he knows that dean has a connection with him, and he knows that crowley saw him at his "worst" in the church after the trials, and we know via that deleted scene that sam intended to kill crowley as soon as he became human. sam works overtime to look like he knows what he's doing whenever crowley's around, and crowley knows that and thinks it's hilarious (blade runners comes to mind). i really do think that crowley's presence during sacrifice weighs on sam; he hates feeling weak, and knowing that crowley saw all of that, and then, later, that crowley heard god knows what from demon!dean?? that crowley was inside of him and, worse, that he was doing him a favour?!? sam guards his secrets as best he can-- i really think this is one of his worst case scenarios.

sam just-- hates him. it's great. crowley gets a kick out of knowing how badly sam wants to kill him, i think, which makes the whole messy triangle so much funnier. meanwhile, dean's in that position where an ex-fwb is also a colleague and a friend you need to maintain a relationship with, which is always fun. all in all, the lack of threesome fics is criminal. give me the messy layers!!!!

[thisbreadisnotgucci]

I was thinking about that silly little angel and silly little demon again.

And it’s like,,,,,,

Crowley is ready to do anything for Azi in a heartbeat but Azi is just terrified of that.

“You go too fast for me, Crowley.”

Really packs a punch when you remember that Azi would also probably do anything for Crowley in a heartbeat but has been brainwashed to believe that Crowley is bad and anything to do with his kind must also be bad so loving him must also be bad and therefore I am bad.

Like I wholeheartedly believe Azi genuinely would desert heaven if it weren’t for the fact that he’s afraid to lose God’s love and affection.

TL;DR : Azi is in a toxic relationship with heaven and has mommy issues

[frumious-bandersnatch-ao3]

I don’t know why I’ve seized on Crowley so hard. I mean- I do. I really do, it’s the mommy issues and the trans allegory and the gender and the ‘I want to be him’ of it all, but I really do wonder if other trans men/trans-mascs in the supernatural fandom have done this to him, or if I’m just supremely weird.

I relate hard to his conflict with Rowena because. Well. I too have mommy issues up the wazoo, as the kids say. But that’s not the only thing, and I’m too tired to properly quantify it and I don’t know how to tag this to get it to the right audience but whatever.

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

Crowley: "And I began to realize you weren't incapable of love, you were incapable of loving me."

!!!!!