SOLD TO CHUCKLE SANDWICH??? 😱😱😱
🩸🐑🩸 Please go away Tucker 🩸🐑🩸
Heads up: I tried to write how I used to in middle school. It’s certainly a fic. Cw for cringe an the use of “…” an ungodly amount of times
It’s an early Monday morning, I wake up, toss my silky blonde hair into a messy bun, and change into something for school. It’s my first day as a senior…again. I need to wear something that I can blend into the crowd so nobody notices me but I also don’t want to be too basic…
After digging through my closet for a while settle on something. It’s simple, black shoes, black skinny jeans, my trusty gray beanie, my glasses (of course), and my definitely authentic chuckle sandwich t-shirt:
Honestly I think this is a perfect outfit for what’s hopefully my last first day of school.
I check the clock, 7:18, I should get going if I don’t want miss my bus… I grab my backpack and start to walk out but as I pass by the kitchen, I see something…
My mom was talking to three men, all their backs were facing me so I couldn’t tell who they were but their voices sounded… familiar. One of the men turns around as I try to get a better look at them and my jaw drops as his brownish orbs meet my blue ones.
“T-Ted Nivison? Wha- what are you doing in my apartment??”
Ted smiles, “You must be Y/n, your mother was telling us all about you.” The other two men turn around and they are… SCHLATT AND TUCKER??? I nearly drop my backpack, why was Chuckle Sandwich at MY APARTMENT?!
“That doesn’t answer my question… Why are y-you all here?”
“These guys are buying you,” my mother answers after she takes a long sip of her black coffee.
…
…
…
“WHAT?!”
My face goes pale and my eyes widen. She’s selling me? What? How is that even legal?!
“These guys wanted to buy you,” she’s saying this way too nonchalantly, “and I needed money.”
I sink to the floor. My head is spinning. Is this real? No- it can’t be. I’m going to wake up any second now! This is all a silly dream I can post about on my blog and get 12 notes on. I just need to wake up now… wake up… Wake up… WAKE UP!!
“Uhh…Y/n...?” I open my eyes again and look up at Schlatt who seem slightly uncomfortable, “I know that this is a lot to take in right now… but you need to go grab your stuff so we can go now..”
“G-go where…?”
“The Chuckle House.” Schlatt doesn’t elaborate further.
“The Chuckle what?”
“The Chuckle House, it’s where we’re all going to live :)” Tucker says, “We’ll explain more on the way there”
“Wait I’m leaving right now? What about school??”
“School can wait,” Ted quips in, “but I need to return the u-haul by 2:30 so we should get going..”
I look out through the kitchen window, a moving van was parked outside next to a really nice car I’ve never seen before, the rental’s back was opened, and by the looks of it there was just enough space for a couple bags of my stuff.. today can’t be real… “M-mom… is this real?”
“I’m sorry, Y/n…” She almost looks guilty for once, “but I mean it could be worse, I didn’t have to sell you to your favorite YouTubers. I could’ve sold you to Mr.Beast’s coal mines or Wilbur Soot”
I guess she’s right? But it’s still kinda messed up. Knowing Mom, she’s dead set on this whole thing and I was planning on moving out once I graduated anyways… I might as well try to make the most of this. “Alright…” I sigh, “I’ll go grab my stuff…”
I go back to my room and shut the door… this is actually happening… wow… I don’t know how to feel right now… if only I used code word “CHUCKLE” on betterhelp to get my first online therapy session free back when they were sponsored by them…
I rummaged through my closet and pack all my clothes, well at least all the ones I can fit into my old gym bag… I grab a tote bag and stuff the other essentials: my sketch book, copic markers, toothbrush, charger, and whatever cash I had saved up.
With everything packed, I start to head back out to throw it all in the u-haul. Schlatt and Tucker are gone and I see Ted handing over a check to my mother. He looks over to me, “You all ready, Y/n?” I nod, it feels weird having the Ted Nivison say me name.
I wave bye to my mother and she closes the door as we leave. Ted takes my gym bag and backpack to put in the back of the truck as I sit in the passenger seat with my tote bag. I look back out to my old apartment building… I see my mother through the window, drinking her coffee, going along with her day as if this was normal… Mom…
…
…
“Y/n?”
“Huh?” I snap back into reality and suddenly we were out of the complex and in a McDonald’s drive thru, how did I not notice him driving?
“Do you want anything?”
“Oh uhhh…” I don’t really feel like eating now, “just an orange juice…please.”
“You sure?”
I nod.
“Alright then…” Ted starts asking for his order and I look out of the window again. Questions flood my head. What am I to these people? A servant? Property? Am I going to be allowed to finish school still? Was that the last time I see my mom? Do I even want to see her again…? Do I?
…
“You do that a lot?”
I snap out of it again, we’re already out of the drive thru. The orange juice was now in my hands, how did I not notice him passing it to me? “Huh? Do what?”
“You space out a lot,” Ted points out as he pulls out his McMuffin and hands me the brown paper bag, “There’s another one in there for you in case you get hungry…”
“Oh- uhh thanks…”
“No problem,” he says while taking a bite of the breakfast sandwich with one hand and steering with the other.
…
Uncomfortable silence fills the u-haul. The only noise we have is the sound of Ted’s quiet-ish chewing and my thoughts that I’m sure he could sense. This is unbearable. I need to stop the quiet somehow. “So… you mind if I ask a few questions?”
“Oh- yeah go ahead,” Ted sounds relieved I broke the silence.
“So what am I? Like company property or something?”
He cringes at my words, “I guess technically? I don’t really like the sound of that though… how about we just say you’re a uhh… permanent assistant maybe?”
“Okay then…” I nod, “was any of today legal?”
“Oh definitely not,” he pauses for a moment, “it’d be pretty cool of you to not report us to the police about this…”
“Yeah okay,” I don’t even think the police would believe me if I told them so there really isn’t a point of reporting him.
“Cool thanks…”
“No problem,” I take a sip of the orange juice, it’s lukewarm. “…so what’s the Chuckle House?”
“Oh right- we didn’t really explain it to you properly huh?”
“You really didn’t, no.”
He lets out a small uncomfortable laugh, “Well… Me, Schlatt, and Tucker bought a house in LA and we’re planning on making some irl content in there.”
“Wait- how’d you convince Schlatt to move out here? I thought he hates it out here.”
“He does- but not as much as he says he hates it on the podcast. Besides the potential ad revenue was too good for him to pass on.”
“Fair enough… so I’ll be able to keep going to school and work and stuff, right?”
“Oh? You’re mom didn’t tell us you already had a job.”
“Well I do- I drive those kiddie trains at [insert mall]”
“That sounds… cramped.”
“It is…”
“Well you can keep going to school but we might need you to help us shoot content so the job thing is in the air..”
“Wait you want me to help you guys film?”
“Yeah- that’s kinda why we bought you”
“Wha- but I’ve never held a camera in my life or done anything like that”
There’s a brief pause, “…you haven’t?”
“Nope.”
“Shit…we’ll figure something out…”
That’s all he has to say about this?!
…
Well I guess it is.
The rest of the car ride was quiet, but not as uncomfortable. I plug in my earphones to my phone and listen to my favorite artists, [insert favorite artist] as I watch the cars pass by us. It’s kinda nice…
It’s not long before we start to pull into a neighborhood that’s way nicer than anything I’ve been near. It’s like I’ve been transported straight into one of those home goods magazines. We’re finally here… the house is huge, I feel poor just looking at it… How did these guys afford a house like this in this economy? Schlatt probably paid for most of it.
Maybe I should try to see the positive in all this… Let’s ignore the implications of my my mother and these guys for now and try to enjoy the fact I’ll be living in a nice house with my favorite YouTubers. I mean I do have to unpack all of that stuff soon but for now I should just help Ted out with unloading the u-haul.
—-
An:
Hey thanks for reading this, it was certainly an experience writing it. Let me know if y’all want a part two to this mess it was fun to write. (Just to be very clear, this is not an xreader in the sense of romance but in the sense of y/n interacting with everyone.)
Comments/criticisms are welcomed :)
-S
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I feel like for the first few years of guardianship Darius and Hunter really struggle to figure out how to refer to each other.
Like it's easier for Hunter, he pretty quickly settles on "guardian" for explaining their relationship to other people and just referring to Darius by name when talking to the man himself. Overtime the phrasing gradually warms, becoming "foster parent" and eventually, once Hunter's already an adult old enough to move out, "Dad".
(Sidenote: he doesn't move out til he's in his mid to late twenties, bc he's under no obligation too, Darius low-key doesn't want him too, and the two of them want to make up for lost time in a sense, since Hunter only had 2 years of legal dependency on Darius before aging out of the system. Darius adopts Hunter retroactively as an adult)
Darius on the other hand has a real conundrum on his hands for those first few years. He has a lot of options! But "ward" is too formal and makes it sound like Darius picked him up off the street like after his parents were murdered, "apprentice/student" isn't really accurate considering the focus of Darius and Hunter's relationship has less to do with Hunter learning magic and more to do with Hunter being housed and fed. "Kid" and "foster son" are there...but...
Look, Darius isn't going to refer to Hunter more familiarly than Hunter refers to him! He's not gonna make it WEIRD. He's not a dad, because Hunter doesn't want/need him to be (and also parenthood is scary <3). Darius doesn't know the first thing about being a dad, despite how his friend group teases him.
Eda and Eberwolf are the two who are worst about it. They torture him with how 'fatherly' he's allegedly being (allegations Darius will DENY til his GRAVE!!!) And Eda specifically compares his journey to hers, saying it always starts off with you referring to them as your apprentice (again, Darius doesn't plan on doing that), as your roommate (...kinda weird in Darius' opinion? But okay Eda), or even your pet (????HELLO???). But eventually, they always become your dumb kid when you least expect it.
She's had a couple cups of appleblood by this point, but Darius knows on some level she's right and he's steadfastly ignoring that fact, even as Eber continues to refer to Hunter as his "cub" (kinda cute but Darius doesn't know how Hunter would feel being compared to an animal). The only people who are even remotely reasonable about all this (besides Lilith who's a bit disinterested in kid talk) is Raine and Alador, who both sort of neutrally, a bit awkwardly refer to Hunter as Darius' Boy.
Darius referring to Hunter as "my boy" is funnily enough what sticks the longest before it evolves to son boy. Hunter's crushing it at a derby match? Darius is whooping and cheering, yelling "THAT'S MY BOY!!!" At the other parents in the stands. Hunter is doing something dangerous or inadvisable where others can see him? "Darius, your boy-" "AHH! MY BOY". Hunter, a year into his stay with Darius finally comes clean about everything to do with him being a grimwalker, and is afraid that he's going to go back to seeing him as just an inferior replacement for Darius' beloved mentor? Darius (who has just had to process some of the most bonkers, emotionally heavy information in his life) gently, hesitantly puts a hand on his shoulder (the 'good' one Hunter doesn't mind people touching), and says that Hunter's much more than that. He's Darius' Boy and he's not going to kick him out or get angry or love him any less for things out of his control. It's good. They're good.
Like I said, it evolves over time and 'boy' becomes somewhat obsolete as the two get caught up in the joy of finally feeling able to explicitly refer to each other as family. But unlike "guardian" or "ward" the word never gets fully retired. Even when Hunter is 30 and is arguing that he's more of a man than a boy now, he is still getting referred to by Darius as "his boy", the way some parents never really stop calling their adult kids baby or kiddo (Camila and Eda respectively btw).
Hunter makes one of those corny matching shirt sets at some point for a father's Day gift when he's 17/18, where the two shirts say "if lost, return Boy to me" (Darius) and "I'm Boy" (Hunter). Hunter mostly did it so he could own a funny shirt that says "I'm boy". Darius openly weeps upon seeing them. Like Oh my Titan he's boy. He's my boy. Oh wow
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