#Danny can’t easily bs his way out of this

[tanglepelt]

Dc x dp idea 113

Danny was falsely arrested. How dare the store. He may look homeless being on the run from his parents and all.

But really.

All he did was stuff the item in his pocket so he could help someone grab an item.

They didn’t even give him the chance to explain. He had the money. Sam insisted on giving him cash before he ran.

When they took his fingerprints he really didn’t mind. He was running from his parents not the government. As soon as he was left alone he’d high tail it out of Gotham.

To bad he wouldn’t be left alone. Being Bruce Wayne’s kidnapped son was not on his bingo card.

Now Bruce Wayne billionaire had never expected to have his son be found. Never for him to be found stealing food and obviously homeless.

[hwu-adventures-blog]

All that Matters

Fic Description: Alicia Hardy and Ethan Ramsey’s relationship is complicated, it always has been, and after Alicia spends a night helping Ethan cook chicken, things start to be looking up for them getting together. However when death comes knocking at Alicia’s door, and they realise they might have just missed their chance...

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Alicia Hardy)

Taglist (please let me know if you to be added or taken off): @utterlyinevitable​

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Chapter 5- Running Out of Time

An hour or so later and Alicia found herself and Raf surrounded by their friends, Jackie, Elijah and Sienna who had brought tea and cafeteria pizza for them, Bryce, having rushed down from Kyra’s surgery from this and even Aurora who had raced from Mass Kenmore after hearing about the news, all trying to cheer them up and comfort them. Some of the people she loved most in the world helping her and Raf through this, and although it would have been better with Ethan there as well, Alicia could help but selfishly think even though she knew he was working himself ragged with trying to find a diagnosis and helping in his own way by doing what he did best, the Pizza, was a welcome second place for a bonus, even if she didn’t feel like eating anything.

“Is there any news out there?” Raf asked from his bed he looked exhausted, his eyes sunken, dark bags visible under his eyes, he looked fragile with the breathing tube he was connected to through his nose. It broke her heart to see her friend like this all because of her stupid reckless actions. Alicia watched as Jackie and Sienna exchanged a long deciding look.

“What is it?” She asked

Sienna frowned

“Ethan and I managed to get access to Travis, and it helped us eliminate a lot more possibilities...but just as we were leaving, he died”

Oh no.

“But we’re closer to figuring out what this is!”

“Heads up” Elijah said surprised at the return of the diagnostics team in their hazmat suits, as they passed through the decontamination tent one by one, June, Baz and then Ethan, with Baz carrying a small blue cooler that Alicia somehow didn’t think was full of food or drink.

“We have something that should help you both” Ethan explained

“But not a cure”

Alicia felt a pang of disappointment, although she had not expected it to be a cure, maybe some part of her had hoped deep down it was and all of this would be over, Ethan glanced at her sympathetically and answered her statement, she could tell he hated seeing her like this.

“Not yet. But this should help alleviate some of the worst symptoms”

“Thank....you...” Raf said as Baz extracted two syringes from the cooler, Ethan took one and turning to Alicia, gently ushed her to the bed, not wanting anyone but himself to inject her Alicia suspected, not because he didn’t trust Baz or June but because he needed to make sure everything went right himself.

“You should sit” he said as a matter a fact rather than a suggestion, an gentle overall tone in his voice but with a authoritarian hint, knowing that Alicia, would have probably contested sitting down for the injection on any other day, in any other situation. However it wasn’t any other day or any other situation and she didn’t have the energy to argue with him and besides she was the patient now, and right got now, Ethan knew what was best so she easily conceded to his request.

“Just for a minute”

As she sat down on the bed, waiting for the needle to enter her skin, watching at the doctor, staring at the helpless look in his eyes behind the window of his helmet, wanting nothing more than to reassure him everything will be okay but knowing it wasn’t, her mouth suddenly started to feel as if it had gone dead, a painful prickling sort of sensation and Ethan’s face blurred in and out of focus, new symptoms.

“Alica...” his voice was calm, gentle, soft, as if he was pleading with her to tell him what was wrong, and Alicia realised something.

She now had a decision, she could tell Ethan the truth. The truth about how terrified she was of this whole situation, how petrified she was of losing anymore of her friends lives or even her own life because of a mistake she made, a rash decision she is now paying for, and have him reassure her that he was going to fix it again or tell her he won’t let her go. Or alternatively, she could report these new symptoms she was experiencing, as any bit of information, any new symptoms could or would help with the diagnosis. Admitting how scared she was, Alicia reasoned wouldn’t help anyone, so, purposely hiding away her feelings of terror, she opted to confirm to him what was important in that moment;

“I’m having paresthesia around my mouth and in my feet. And blurred vision”

“And any other developing symptoms?”

“I threw up a while back. But we all knew that was part of this, so I guess it’s not really a new symptom”

“.... I see. Thank you for telling me”

Ethan found a vein and pressed the syringe down, inserting the needle into her body, administering the treatment, it stung for a moment but that didn’t matter to her, it was insignificant compared to the pain she was going through in terms of seeing everyone else suffer because of her. Looking across the small room, to distract herself from that thought, she saw June pull out the other syringe from Raf’s arm as she felt Ethan do the same to her.

“Are the FBI going to autopsy the guy who did this?” Raf questioned, something which clearly caused Ethan’s expression of helplessness turn to something akin to frustration and anger.

“Yes, but they’ve informed me they have no intention of sharing those results with us. They’re claiming national security”

“Are you serious? That’s BS.” Elijah almost yelled from behind the window

“It is. But any petition to release it would take weeks, and we have hours. We need to work quickly to find a diagnosis”

“Especially since... since...” Elijah’s voice hitched, Jackie laid a hand gently on his shoulder before turning to Alicia.

“Danny is unresponsive. He’s going downhill fast”

“Oh my god...”

Alicia felt panic well up inside of her, no not Danny, they won’t let Danny die, they can’t can they? They’ll find out what’s wrong, they’ll find a cure in time, they have to! They won’t just-

“We’re not giving up on you... or Danny...” Sienna reassured her almost as if she read her mind and knew exactly what she was thinking.

“Between us and the diagnostics team, we have nine doctors working on this already. We should be able to solve anything” Jackie pointed out

“I’m just a surgeon, but I’ll offer whatever help I can” Bryce stated and Alicia managed a smile

“This isn’t time for that confidence of yours to do a runner, Bryce”

“Yeah you’re not just anything” Sienna added

“Sorry. I mean, we’ve got this!” Bryce grinned

“So here’s where we are.” June changed the subject, Alicia had almost forgotten the diagnostics team was there, even though it was damn near impossible to completely forget that fact. “we’ve ruled out Anthrax, Botulinum, Ricin, Tularemia, and we’re waiting on results for Tabun”

“And the FBI have ruled out half a dozen fungal toxins, Ebola, Marburg’s, and all the Novichok nerve agents” Ethan continued, calmly and professionally although Alicia could tell he was at least a bit worried about the lack of positive results as he looked at her, not tearing his gaze away for a second

“That’s a pretty broad field” Jackie raised her eyebrows

“When you have so little to go on, you need to cast a wide net” Baz pointed out

Alicia watched as Ethan regained his focus, noting Baz’s sad expression

“Still, it’s progress. The fact there’s still no fever means it’s almost certainly not a bacteria or a virus. We’re shifting our focus to-“

Raf groaned in pain, June stopped dead as he clutched his chest and lurched violently sideways, getting up from the bed in one swift motion Alicia raced towards Raf to catch him before he toppled to the floor.

“Raf!” She heard Elijah say from outside.

“It’s alright, he just fainted” she reassured her friends, but couldn’t help but be concerned for what this could mean, she leaned Raf back against the soft pillow. And after a few seconds he opened his eyes again, coming back around, blinking confusedly.

“....what does this mean?” Aurora asked Ethan frowned in response, that mixture of concern and helplessness visible behind the window of his helmet once more, mirroring Alicia’s exact expression and feelings in that moment.

“....means we need to move even faster than we thought.”

[goliath-de-senfina-sango]

Local Teen Unaware of how Weird Family is, Local Goth Decides To Go All In and Learn Magick, Exhausted Teens Do Fun Dumb Teen Stuff 

It was the day after they’d taken down Skulker, and Tucker had to collect up the armor.  Danny helped him, of course, and he flew home with some help from his favorite ghost boy.  They landed in Tucker’s room, and Tucker gave Danny a hug as soon as the suit was set down.  Danny returned to his warmer flesh and blood self and hugged him back before they got to work searching for a port to plug Tucker’s laptop into.  Thankfully even the dead respected the U in USB and they manage to connect. Before long, however, Tucker’s mind wanders from his code-breaking program that’s now hard at work with Skulker’s head and to his situation with Sam.  And considering what all he’d learned about Danny’s family so far, he might as well ask. “Danny do you have access to transparent solar panels?”

“Yeah, all the windows at Fenton Works are solar panels - I think they run at uh 50% efficiency.  Why?”

“Danny, that’s like, the exact last piece I need for my solar-powered car design.”  Tucker was tempted to inform Danny of how amazing that fact was, but he knew Danny wasn’t a fan of being extraordinary, so he’d let it slide for now.  “Now I just need some way of building it.”

“Well, you have the design itself saved right?”

“Yes…”  Tucker wasn’t sure where this was going, but he was hopeful that it’d be a place he liked.

“We can just print out the design at my house?”  Danny shrugged, as though that was obvious and the most simple thing in the world.  “We have like, a pretty big 3D printer, it’s uh modular, and we use scrapped metal from junkyards that we liquified as filament.  We can print a car pretty quickly.”

Danny was going to say something that made Tucker fall completely in love with him one of these days, the idiot.  “Danny I need you to take me to this 3D printer.  Now.” Skulker’s head was left where they’d put it on his desk, the rest of the suit stuffed in Tucker’s closet, and the pair flew off to Danny’s house.

When they arrived at Fentonworks, they turned to one of the other buildings on the block and set down there, Danny taking the time to unlock the door and everything.  “So this 3D printer you guys have…”

“Well, Dad calls it the Fenton Fabricator.   See, there's a theory that went around a while ago when 3D printers and fabricators first started, it was the Recursive Loop Theory. It goes like this. You buy a 3D printer. Mid-range, sorta useful, but with enough detail and strength that you like it. But then you need something a bit more detailed. So you look online and you find a set of 3D models for a second printer. This one you can build on your machine, and with only some minor parts you can make the more detailed printer for a tiny fraction of what it would cost.”  

Danny took them to a set of stairs and Tucker was so focused on his friend he nearly missed all the art Danny’s ever done hanging all over the walls.  

“So, you can make more detailed parts. And you find designs for a bigger printer. It's modular and sorta rough, but it needs those detailed parts. So you can then build massive somewhat detailed pieces… and so you do. And now, with your 3 printers, you find designs to a fourth. Bigger, better, more detailed, it's another generation, and you can print it off your current designs. Boom, bam, rinse and repeat.  Eventually, your diminishing returns drop till you can’t make a more detailed printer, but at that point, you have one hell of a machine, particularly if you have a couple of crazy hackers building your final design as a custom project. Course, it’s not quite that easy. We had to fabricate a lot of weird and unique bits for them in other ways - well, my folks and their friends in the Secret Scientists did anyway."

“So the Fenton Fabricator?”

“Is a massive, customized high detail 3D fabricator that can even print metal and glass, yes.”  Danny turned on the lights as they entered a large underground workspace. Tucker saw the fabricator and felt he might’ve gone to heaven.  It was a massive aquarium tank, easily twenty feet from corner to corner and at least eight feet tall. Above it, hanging like a mechanical spider on segmented green and red limbs with shiny metal joints and points, was a motorcycle sized 3D printing extruder. Tucker could see a set of lasers for dust printing, a pair of high-heat high-speed extruders for wires, several dozen smaller legs with colors and specific grades of wire, all of which fed up and around the room to spools of plastic and cylinders of dusted metal.

“There are hidden parts in the walls with directed gravity manipulators and some arms kept out of the way until needed for assembly-based stuff.  I think Mom and Dad built a car or something down here recently. The canisters are all refilled completely.” Danny shrugged, moving around the lab and grabbing up papers - notes about what feeds to use, hints for setting things up.  “I can help you connect up and plug in your stuff - though you’ll have to leave it here so that the thing can print. If you’re legit making a car here, it’ll take about 2 days to finish printing it out at all, let alone assemble.”

“Danny, after I finish with that, we are so using this place for other projects together, do you understand me?”  Tucker saw doors that likely lead off to other rooms in the lab and wondered just how Much of Fentonworks there was.  “This is too amazing.”

“If you say so, bro.  Here, let’s get started.  I can help with setting up the print file.”

Sam had to say, going through the bs of school was beyond irritating when both of her friends were barred from the school until they could get around the weapons the Fentons were installing.  Paulina’s gratingly loud personality was especially difficult to tune out that day, and Sam found herself feeling proud of her self control in not throwing something at the shallow cheerleading idiot when she started going on and on about the upcoming spirit week.

Once school was out, Sam grabbed the board that Danny apparently made for her after he finished Tucker’s, though she wasn’t sure how, and put on her helmet.  New, magnetic boots planted firmly on the board, Sam pulled out her phone, put in the address of the Skulk and Lurk, and activated the Nav AI that Tucker had managed to make an app for to download.  “One of these days Tucker is going to overwork himself into an early grave.” Shaking her head Sam took off into the sky, and no amount of gothic reputation could keep the smile off her face or prevent her from cheering.  “Woooohoooo!” Who could possibly blame her? She was flying .  There was nothing more awesome than this that she knew of.

When she arrived, Sam had her board hover itself up to the roof, where it was less likely to get snatched by someone who thought it’d be cool to snag a hoverboard.  Walking into the store, Sam took off her helmet and grinned. The Skulk n Lurk was one part book store, one part poetry reading area, and one part coffee shop. It had the gothic, occult theme down pat with black, blue, and shades of purple being the only colors to be found around the store.  Heading straight into the books section, Sam managed to flag down an employee and nudged him in the arm. “Nice mohawk, Chris, I see you’re branching out.”

Chris turned around, hair dyed a brilliant blue and his clothes all pastel shades of purple and grey with a bat-shaped nametag pinned on his chest.  He smiled and elbowed her right back. “Yeah, just got it done the other day. How’re you holdin up, Sam? Parents still trying to push you into being a prep?”

“Such is my curse.”  Sam sighed and leaned heavily on Chris while he laughed.  “But, that’s not what I’m here for today. Think you can help me find some books on magick?”

“Cursing people is wrong, and will always go wrong for you, I hope you know that.”

Sam rolled her eyes, standing up straight.  “It’s not for cursing anyone, Chris, it’s for something else.”

“Hitting that cheerleader with a love spell is not the way to go about getting over your crush on her.”  Chris smirked and turned away from her, walking steadily while Sam scoffed and scowled at him.

“That’s gross on two fronts.  A love spell sounds ridiculously creepy, and I don’t have a crush on Paulina of all people.”  Sam made a gagging noise and Chris laughed yet again.

Ludicrous notions about cheerleaders aside, Chris lead Sam to a section about magick and left to go help another customer while Sam browsed.  She held her hand up, letting her fingers brush over the spines of the books as she read their titles and stilled. There was a vibration, warm and far more humid than any bookstore should be and humming so much like Danny and Agatha and even that piece of trash Grovsner did when she was close.  It was a feeling that she hadn’t really noticed until now that all of the ghosts she’d encountered shared, however few of those there were. The tiny hairs all over her arms and the back of her neck stood on end and Sam grabbed the book.

Roots, stems, rain, warmth, leaves, petals, heat, crushing cold, withering emptiness, life granting rain and growth .  Sam dropped the book and just barely bit off a loud swear, staring at the cover.  Magick: The Life Blood of the Earth.  “Well.  Danny can see weird shit, I guess I can feel it.  Being that close to the portal must’ve done something to me.”  Picking up the book slowly, Sam waited for any weird feelings to hit her again.  When none did, she grinned slowly. “Let’s see what I can do with that.”

Danny takes some of the time after fighting Skulker to relax at home, get his schoolwork done that was emailed to him, and figure out a plan for working around the school's new anti-ghost security system.  It had been two days already and he was coming up blank. Of course, it's at dinner that Danny thinks to ask his parents. "Hey Mom, you said the Fenton Finder works by keeping track of a ghost's ectosignature, right?  What is that, exactly?" Jazz, as she standardly did when Danny instigated ghost-themed rants, looked as offended as one might have had their mother been described with every cuss word in the dictionary. She stabbed her chicken alfredo while holding this look for 5 continuous seconds without blinking.

Mom smiled wide and ecstatic.  "Well you see, Danny, an ectosignature is the frequency of electrical signals running throughout a ghost's body, shaping its form and directing its actions."

"Like brainwaves?"

“Exactly, hon!”  Mom reached into her pocket and pulled out a macaroon, which Danny devoured immediately.  “When a ghost manifests outside of the Ghost Zone, its ecto signature is a signal being broadcast from the Ghost Zone into our reality.  Since ghosts are 4-dimensional constructs made of exotic matter that of which exists beyond our standard perceptive abilities, a ghost can receive this ectosignature from just about anywhere on Earth or beyond.  Like the best cellular reception in the universe.”

“Like any signal though, an ectosignature can be tracked!  And that signal can be disrupted and blocked!” Dad only spoke in exclamation points Danny realized some time ago.  He waved his fork around in presentation at the blueprint that his mind had likely superimposed on the air next to him.  “The Fenton Thermos™ uses charged ectoplasm and what I’ve coined as Fentonite to isolate any ectoplasmic mass contained inside of it from its corresponding ectosignature by creating a four-dimensional enclosure!  The filthy ghost is still charged with the ectosignature though, there’s a centralized network of energy that allows the ghost to immediately take on its form after it’s released.”

“So the ghost is conscious within the thermos?”

Mom shrugged.  “As conscious as a ghost can be, sweety.  It’s not an actual person or anything, just a static imprint of what used to be a person’s thoughts.  Like an A.I.”

“The Fenton Finder™ used scanners specially made to detect ectosignatures that are on our satellites up in space!  It’s also how our security system works, though that works off of scanners here in the house!”

"So is there a way to track down ghosts by their specific ecto signatures?  If you can track the general signals maybe you can create a way to lock into a specific one."

"Mm, I suppose we could!  That'd be useful for tracking down that scum that attacked you and friends!  We've got the blueprints for the ecto signature scanner down in the lab somewhere if you wanna try the idea out, son!"

"Will do, Dad.  I'll tell ya how it goes."  Danny grinned around his chicken and pasta.  He had a game plan now. 

After dinner, Danny raced downstairs to print out the blueprint from the computer - his father stacked the blueprints in an infuriatingly chaotic way that Danny hadn't the patience to sort through - and then ran through the door on the left.  Behind it was a hallway into a tunnel, one that lead Danny to the alternative lab under the building right next to the house. Hopping into his wheely chair, Danny slid over the linoleum floor to his work table and laid down the blueprint.

"Alright, I can work with this.  A signal can be tracked, and it can be isolated.  Which means that My signal can be isolated and tracked specifically."  A smirk crossed his face. "Which means the scanners can be set to ignore my signal.  Perfect!"

Danny slid over to the laptop connected to a second Fenton Fabricator, glad that his parents were always thorough enough to make a back up of everything they did.  "This should be done in no time. Then Sam can help me test it and Tuck can- speak of the devil." Danny whipped out his phone and hummed, tilting his head at the simple message his best friend had sent him. 

FriarTuck: Hey Dan, almost fin breaking the security in Sklkr's suit.  Bout to crack this badboi open n make it mine. Muahahahaha! Hyd?

"Ugh, stars, I don't wanna think about that asshole."  Danny shot back a quick reply and set his phone down, finding a notebook he typically kept around.  Writing in a code only he, Tucker and Sam knew, Danny got everything down that he could. "Skulker has been a major set back in my plan to prove not all ghosts are evil to Mom and Dad, and a few other weird developments made themselves known.  I can now see everything in the lower intensity ultraviolet spectrum 24/7 instead of having to concentrate, as well as the electrical currents running through everything; I can somehow see my emotional connections with people I'm close with and use those connections to influence their emotions as well as read them clearer than other aurae."  He stopped, taking a breath and looking over what he'd just written. " Mierda , ain't that creepy?"  Danny pulled on his hair a bit while he wrote.

"Joining that on the list of creepy-ass things about Danny: I can reach across that link to everyone and pull on their love and affection and all that and use it to heal myself.  Stars, that's such a gross way to look at everyone's care for me. Just a fucking- a bandaid? A free trip to the nurse in a minute?"

Turning back to the parts being made, Danny huffed and dragged his nails against his scalp a touch too roughly.  "Physiological changes in my ghost occur when Tucker and Sam are in danger; Canines grow into fangs and according to Sam my voice starts to echo as though it's coming from everywhere.  Thankfully a check in Tucker's mirror proves that the changes are temporary. Reaction to my temperament? On that note: being a psychoreactive exotic material, the ectoplasm that makes up my ghostly body reasonably reacts instantaneously to my emotions, but it seems to be enhancing them as well.  It's either that or maybe puberty, but I have a feeling puberty doesn't make you violently angry at the slightest provocation and likely to turn any ghost you see into a splatter on the ground." Danny groaned, closing his notebook. "I fucking Executed Skulker. What the fuck? Why didn’t I just suck him into the thermos?"

A ding from his phone and Danny snorted.  

GardeningClaws: Hey Star boy, don't go angsting without us there to hug you.  We will know and you will pay the price.

"And what price is that, being buried in a pillow fort?"

GardeningClaws: do you know how many pillows I have in this house??  Do you think, like a fool, that I won't use them against you?

Danny laughed, sending a quick 'fair point' before heading to the door opposite the one into the house lab. Behind it was a room with rows of lockers, each holding three sets of suits.   Danny didn't need them though. At the far end, there was a large octagonal metal rim, blast doors sealed shut within.

Opening it up to just the right coordinates, Danny watched the doors pull back and felt the building charge of the portal's startup.  For a fraction of a second, Danny was filled with a bone-deep fear that gripped his entire body and held him stock still. With a thunderous crack, the fabric of space-time was folded around and torn, and Danny relaxed, staring out at an expanse of white and grey.  Opening the blast door, he let the void fill him up and spread outward to chill his bones and freeze his veins. Skin blue, eyes and freckles green and his fluffy hair snow-white, Danny flew past the event horizon and gasped silently at the sight before him.

The moon is so much more beautiful when you can look with your own eyes instead of through the lens of a helmet visor.

Sam, smartest of the group that she was, called Danny and Tucker both to head to her house for a horror movie marathon.  “After what we’ve been through, none of these B rate movies are gonna scare us.” It was so close to inarguably true that the boys both shrugged at their phones and headed on over.  Danny came down from the sky in that space where everything was heat and impossible colors, everything around him highlighted in a panorama view that almost made him dizzy. Landing in an alleyway, Danny checked to make sure he didn’t see anyone around him and took a deep breath.  He folded himself up, cold edges practically trapped within him tugged and bent until the brilliant moonlight that bled from his form retreated into the center of his chest, light and freezing cold as it hummed in an offbeat pulse next to his heart.

Pulling the hood of his jacket over his head, Danny jogged out of the alleyway and down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets.  He looked around the neighborhood properly and hummed, wondering how he never put together that Sam was rich when the address she’d given them ages ago was very obviously in the rich part of town.  “Stars, we’re really just that oblivious aren’t we?” The stars in mind, Danny cast his gaze up and smiled at the full moon that greeted him, counting the tiny dots of the stars around it while he walked.  Thankfully, his odd kaleidoscopic vision seemed to extend to his human form a bit and his foot froze mid-step as a car drove past him at an intersection. “Sweet mother of the gods, why can rich people not drive right?”

When he got to the gates of Manson Manor, Tucker was there typing away at his phone.  When he looked up Danny waved and grinned, pointing a thumb at the huge mansion behind the gate.  “This is ridiculous.”

“It’s just so much .  Why does anyone need that much space?  How do they keep it clean?”

“If I meet some butler named Alfred I’m going to eat your hat.”

“Are you sure you wanna make that bet, Danny?  This is looking Batman-ish.”

The gate opened up before Danny could respond to that and instead, he nudged Tucker’s side before jogging toward the door.  Sam was there, opening it before Danny could trip on nothing and faceplant into the mahogany or whatever expensive wood the door was probably made from, and he instead landed on a soft carpet.  Tucker nudged his foot with his shoe and Danny groaned, resigned to simply laying there for the rest of his life. Two pairs of hands lifted him up from the ground however and Danny laughed, getting up properly.

“You can’t just let me wallow in my shame in peace, can you?”

“Of course not,” Sam scoffed.  “If you’re going to be ashamed, I have to be there to make sure it’s appropriate.  Now, c’mon!” Sam dragged Danny down a few halls, and up some stairs, followed closely by Tucker.

“I need to make a map of this place so we don’t get lost the next time we come to visit,” Tucker muttered, and Danny nodded.  When Sam opened the door she was headed for she let Danny go and grinned at them like a cat that’d eaten the canary. Walking in, Danny felt his jaw drop and took a moment to soak in what he was seeing.  “You have an entire movie theater in your house?”

“I know, it’s grossly excessive and we absolutely don’t need it, but-”

“Sam, what the heck are you talking about?”  Danny waved a hand in the goth’s face and snorted when she swatted at him.  “This is awesome! We can marathon every Dead Teacher movie here and it’ll be like when we went to see it in the actual theaters but better !”  Danny pulled down his hood and hopped over one of the chairs - of which there were two whole rows - and plopped himself into the soft cushioned seat with a laugh.  “The only thing that could make this room better would be if you had movie snacks.”

“Well, good thing I have a popcorn machine right back there full of fresh popcorn, a cotton candy machine, and ordered us pizzas.”  Sam grinned, sitting next to Danny with a bowl in hand full of greasy buttery popcorn, and Tucker sat on his right. “What should we watch first?”

Halfway into Dr. Sleep, the pizza arrived and three laughing teens had to pause the movie and pull themselves together from the heap of giggles that they’d become.  “Oh, oh stars, that hurt , laughing so much hurts!”  Danny leaned on Tucker while Sam leaned on him, the bowl of popcorn practically forgotten next to Tucker.  After a few minutes, Danny took a deep breath and patted his friends on the back. “I can grab the pizza - I can fly, so unlike you two I can actually go and be back before the things are cold.”  Before either friend could protest, Danny let the shimmering void of silvery dark cold spread out from the center of his chest to every hair on his body in a flash of light. He slipped through Sam and Tucker like water through the air and flew off toward the red aura of the pizza guy, diving to transform behind the front door when he appeared outside.  In just a moment he was back inside and setting three pizza boxes down on the snack table. “I see we got ourselves a meat-lovers for Tuck, a veggie everything for Sam, and-” Danny gasped. “A dragon’s tongue pizza for me! Aww, Sam~”

“Oh stuff it you goof,” Sam said as she and Tucker grabbed slices and plates.  “I just knew that you’d complain your pizza isn’t spicy enough unless it has ghost peppers, reaper peppers and every other kind of spice known to man and dolphin on it.”

Tucker rolled his eyes, already scarfing down his first slice.  “Dolphin? Really?”

“Dolphins are the closest animals to humans in behavior and observed intellect, Tucker.”  Danny took the time to go through three slices of pizza while Sam ranted about how dolphins might as well be classified as non-human people before pointing accusatorily at her.

“There is nothing wrong with my sense of taste, thank you.  Anyone with a strong enough tongue can handle this pizza, Sam.”  Danny took a bite to emphasize his point and smirked when he was flipped off.  “I’ve just got the strongest stomach here.”

“ Excuse you? ”

“Unlike you, I can eat veggies without my stomach declaring a mutiny.”

“Um, go fuck yourself?  That was the lowest of all low blows, I am utterly betrayed !”  Tucker covered his forehead with the back of his arm and half fell backward.  “Truly, my trust has been shattered by mine own brother, how could you? And I’ll have you know that the amount of capsaicin you consume is well beyond what any human being should have in their body.”

“Funny, I’m pretty sure I’m not human.”  Danny paused mid-chew, ignoring the look of disgust on Sam’s face over the two of them talking around their food.  “I wonder… what smaller changes like that might be going on because of my ghost? Like, regular puberty is already horrible enough but now I’ve got like, ghost puberty to deal with.”

“First of all, ghost wise, you’re baby.”  Danny pouted at Tucker, feeling mildly offended.  “You haven’t even been half-dead for a whole year yet, you’re baby.”

“Tucker, can you be reasonable for one moment?”  Danny nodded, gesturing to Sam, who was clearly the only one with her head on straight between them.  “Danny is always baby, not just because of his ghost.”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Danny rose up in front of the movie screen, less crossed in the air as he frowned down at his friends.  “I am offended, I am revolted, I dedicate my life to our lord and savior Jesus Christ and this is the thanks I get?”

“I wonder,” Sam said loudly as she walked toward his pizza box.  “What it would taste like if I put cotton candy on your pizza?” Danny dove for his pizza box, nearly crashing into Sam as he grabbed it up and flew toward the ceiling.  He flipped upside down and stood with his feet to the ceiling, grinning down at his friends. Carefully opening his box he took out a slice and stopped.

“Sammy that is a wonderful question!”  Gravity shifted, reasserted itself in the correct direction, and Danny flipped with it, landing in front of the cotton candy machine.  He dipped his pizza slice into it and smirked at the despaired wail of his friend while he ran away from her, munching away at his unholy pizza slice.  “This is so sad, Alexa-”

“You don’t think I’d have Alexa in my home, do you?  First you defile my cotton candy, now you insult my common sense?  Do me a favor and parish.”

“Been there, done that.”

“As amazing as all that is, I was wondering something about you, Danny.”  Danny flew over to Tucker, landing on his shoulders with a snicker. “So like, can you do that thing from the movie?  Like, turn your head all the way around like an owl?”

A wide grin spread over Danny’s face and he set his food down on the table, before pulling the void up and out and around himself.  Bright silver light illuminated Tucker and cast odd shadows on his face. To think about later.   Danny turned his head slowly, cautious of being wrong, and almost stopped when he heard the pop of the joints in his neck.  Still, he kept going until he was looking at Sam’s gaping face right behind him.  He raised a hand to give her a thumbs up and winced at the sound of more popping joints - though, fascinatingly enough… “None of this hurts at all.”

“Well now I gotta see you spider-walk up the walls, that’s just the natural result of you showing off like this, Danno.”  Turning his head the rest of the way around, Danny saw Tucker’s phone pointed at him and snorted. “Dude this is wicked !”

“Oh my gods, we have to time you, hold on.”  And like that, Danny was doing laps around the walls and ceiling, reversed on all fours while Sam timed him and Tucker recorded.  When he dropped back down to the two rows of seats, Danny crossed his legs behind him with a hum.

“Anything else y’all wanna test?”  Tucker raised his hand and Danny let his gaze slide from Tucker himself to the brilliant yellow-gold-grek air around him.  “I’m going to regret hearing out this question, aren’t I?” Tucker nodded, his grin widening and the grek in his aura growing brighter.  Danny sighed and pointed at his brother.

“Can you possess people?  Cause that would be pretty fuckin cool.”  Tucker T posed as if that would help Danny with the wave of discomfort that crashed over him at the idea.  “How would you know? Go ahead, try me. See if you can like, take me over.”

Danny drew the darkness back into his chest, warmth and the beat of his heart and the weight of gravity tugging relentlessly against him like countless invisible chains made themselves known to him.  Digging in his pocket, Danny pulled out a coin, looking at Tucker with as much seriousness on his face as possible. “Heads I tell you to yeet your PDA into the cotton candy, tails I try to possess you.”  Danny flipped the quarter and caught it in his open palm. He took in a deep breath through his nose, and let it out the same way. “Shut.”

Slipping back into the void, Danny stared at his Tposing best friend and considered just how he was supposed to do what he had asked.  The only thing that made any sense, of course, was to slide even deeper into the void. Light and sound and even the air circulating through the room all faded away and the world shifted like a gradient scale from Xtreme Indigo to a deep dark blue sprinkled with green that lit up the empty world in bands, rivers, and threads that Danny could’ve stared at for the rest of his life and probably never grown tired of.  The only constants were the gold and green aurae at the ends of silver threads that shone like solid moonlight. Danny dove for the golden light and dipped a hand in where he guessed Tucker’s head was. The silver thread practically yanked him in, and Danny sank into a desert of yellow and glittering light.

In the next instant, he was blinking unfamiliar eyes, falling out of a dumb pose he hadn’t taken, stumbling on legs longer than he was used to and warmer than he’d been in months.  “Holy shit.” Danny held out his - Tucker’s hands and turning them over each other again and again. He took a few testing steps forward and back, turning and stretching every way he’d ever seen Tucker move, and felt a laugh bubble out of hi-Tuck’s mouth.  “Sam holy shit!”

Sam was staring at Tucker-Danny like he was the most out of this world thing she’d ever laid eyes on and she wasn’t sure how to react to him.  The cheer of figuring out yet another ability dimmed at the sight of her expression and what might’ve been horror was building itself up in his chest.  Then Sam schooled her expression and pointed at him. “You sound the way you do when the two of you are speaking in unison.”

“I feel like I’m wearing a costume that doesn’t fit right, I’ll be honest about that.  Stars, Tucker’s vision is horrible.”

“Alright, that voice thing is actually getting annoying, can you like, leave him now?”  A moment of silence passed, the room growing incredibly small and Sam stepped closer. “Danny, you can leave Tucker’s body now, right?”

“Gimme a second, Sam, I didn’t know I could go into him in the first place.”  Danny huffed and closed his eyes. He focused on what was different and wrong about being in Tucker’s body instead of his own, thought about floating upward to the surface of a large body of water, the moon coming to his mind’s eye and he reached for it.  There was a solid kick at the edge of his shadows, golden sands rising up and filling the empty space to push him up and out toward the moonlight and-

Danny flopped onto the ground face first, sensing a trend of him faceplanting on Sam’s floor, and Tucker let out a loud gasp.  “Holy balls, that was weird as fuck !”  Danny flipped around onto his back, letting his own familiar warmth and heartbeat fill his senses before he looked up at Tucker and found him wiggling his fingers and toes.  “It was like blacking out or something. I had the weirdest dream where I was like, I dunno, made of fire or something?”

“It was a lot of weird, hard to describe feelings on my end but mostly like a suit that doesn’t fit right.  Like, I know what my body feels like and that wasn’t mine, ya know?” Sam and Tucker nodded and while Danny knew they had absolutely no idea what he meant, it was relieving all the same.  Standing up, Danny reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the scanner he’d printed earlier. “By the way, I made something that’ll help me get back into school.”

Tucker, without missing a beat, said, “That sounds like a horrible evil device.”  Sam snorted and Danny nodded. “What does it do?”

Danny launched into an explanation of what he’d learned about ectosignatures and his idea for tricking the security system at school.  “Also,” Danny added when it came to mind, “the car should be done printing in my basement by now.”

“Wait, you not only finished designing it but also started making it?”  Sam looked between them with narrowed eyes. “What do you mean printing?”

“The Fenton Fabricator™ is a giant, modular, high detail 3D printer that can make complex metal technologies - like our hoverboards.  The first 3D printed car took a couple of days and it wasn’t as complicated as this so I guessed about 48 hours.” Danny shrugged. “Probably done by now.”

“Isn’t that cool?”  Tucker practically had stars in his eyes.  “We can build anything in there, Sam!”

“Before that, we gotta get this ecto signature of Danny’s recorded."  Sam held up the scanner and Danny nodded. Things had to happen in the right order or things would go wrong.

Danny reached inside of himself and pulled the dark, endless space between space that rested within him out to wrap around him like a cool, relaxing blanket.  The extreme indigo of the world rose to an even more brilliant blue and purple that blended together and unwove from each other and wrapped around everything. Tucker shone from within with gold that glittered like desert sands and Sam was wreathed in the viridian green of the forests.  The threads between them were silver and thick as though woven from many. "I never need to take drugs cause all I need to do to get a trip is go ghost. I swear."

"Yeah, well, I think I have the reading on you right here.  Tucker, can you make any sense of this?" Tucker rolled over and stared at the data on the Fenton Finder remake.   After a moment of silence, Tuck started tapping away at his PDA ferociously. "I'm gonna guess that means yes."

"I can record this signal and have a filter to keep the school's system from recognizing you as a threat by tonight.  Think we can break in and do it then?"

"Probably," Danny shrugged, flipping a few times in the air.   "Ishiyama probably had them set the security system to an activation button or lever or verbal input.  They wouldn't want them to make something automatic in case a ghost was too close to a student."

"Fair.  Tomorrow night then?"  Tucker grinned as Danny tucked that blanket of not so empty empty space back into the very center of his everything and flopped onto his seat.

"Sooner I can tell my family we beat Skulker the better.  I don't like worrying them like this." Ever since his Spirit Vision or whatever got turned permanently on, Danny could feel the undercurrent of anxiety that ran through his family.  It made his skin crawl with the itch to make them all feel better and left a bitter taste on his tongue.

"Agreed, I can only keep this info from my parents for so long."  Sam sighed, rolling her eyes. With a grin she handed the scanner fully over to Tucker and ran a hand through Danny's hair, messing it up as much as she could.

Danny swatted away Sam's hand after a moment and sank further into the soft cushiony seat.   "Your chair is eating me, Sammy."

"You've been getting a healthier amount of meat on you, so yeah it might be."  Tucker was steadily getting engrossed in his task and Danny knew they had precious few seconds before he was completely lost to them so he decided now was a good time to be a dick. 

“So like, when the first hoverboard exploded and I put up a forcefield on a reflex we completely skipped over that cause of hyper-focus but like.  Should we talk about that?"

"You have protective instincts," Tucker mumbled, "and ghost stuff reacts to the deeper parts of your mind right?   So it's just you defending someone you care about."

"Which reminds me."  Sam poked Danny in the sides until he was squirming and giggling to get away.   "You're keeping like, a journal of all the things you can do right?"

"Mostly notes on what I learned about ghosts in general, like a bullet point list of the stuff that happened with Agatha and Skulker, and stuff but yeah.  I need to add ‘owl neck’ and ‘possession’ to my list of Things I Can Do."

“And what, pray tell, is on that list?”

"I can turn intangible or invisible, defy- no, actually, with what happened at the zoo I guess I can influence gravity, I can see all the radiation in the world, which is a trip lemme tell ya, I can apparently make a wall of ectoplasm?"  Tucker and Sam were staring at him for a long beat of silence before both were tackling Danny and pulling him into a big group hug. “I know, I’m awesome, but so are you guys and you should celebrate it.”

“Yeah, I am pretty awesome,” Tucker said with a grin.  “You guys are lucky to know me. I feel I deserve a reward for the amazingness I bring to this group.”  Tucker was promptly dropped by Sam onto the floor and Danny laughed.

“Another cool thing you can do is heal yourself and other people.” Sam poked Danny in the side until he was squirming away from her in that unreal state of being, slipping through her fingers like the space between air and flopped onto Tucker’s lap before solidity came back to him.  “That’s probably one of the coolest powers you have.”

“One day, Tucker is going to copy everything I can do, but with technology.”  Danny poked Tucker a couple of times and got his hand swatted away for his trouble.  “He’s already copied my language-”

“Spanish doesn't belong to you just because your dad is Mexican, Danny, try again.”

“And now he’s tryna say what’s mine isn’t even mine, can you believe this guy?”  Danny didn’t even try to hold in his laughter now, waving a hand emphatically in Tucker’s face.  “Next he’ll say I’m not the greatest ghost fighter in the world-”

“Your Mom.”

“Or the first boy to step foot on the moon-”

“Neil Armstrong - also, did you just say you walked on the m-”

“Or the unthinkable, like I’m not the very first Fenton that’s gonna be built like a brick house.”

“No no, you can’t just talk your way out of this one, Danny, you were on the moon? ”  Ah, Danny loved riling up his friends.

[thenerdintheattic]

Doctor Who Rewatch Season 8

(spoiler alert, this is pretty much how I feel about this season)

8x01 Deep Breath - 3/5 : it's a good after regeneration episode. twelve doesn't quite feel like the doctor yet (i don't remember if he did push the droid guy or not) but i like his darker, more serious tone. the scene where he leaves clara behind and all that moment where she has to hold her breath is very well done. but this is super loooong and the bit with the dinosaur was completely unnecessary.

8x02 Into the Dalek - 2/5 : so yeah i don't give a horse sh*t about clara's life and danny's characterisation is as subtle as an elephant in a glass shop. as for the the real plot : interesting concept but sooo long, side characters are boring. twelve is still rough around the edges but he's definitely the doctor

8x03 Robots of Sherwood - 2/5 : some highlights : the doctor/robin hood comparison was quite well done and how the viewer can identify with clara, clara is not completely annoying in this episode. but this episode is soooo long, i got really bored

8x04 Listen - 1.5/5 : i could actually like danny pink : he'd kinda relatable and interesting but his characterisation has been made by a butcher and it feels so forced and unnatural. as for this episode ... clara's life feels more important than the actual plot (which could be cool if it wasn't for that fuckery that it was obviously clara all along, because of course she was there on gallifrey and of course, she played a huge part in what the doctor actually becomes)

8x05 Time Heist - 4/5 : i didn't remember that i liked this episode so much so this was a really good surprise. the side characters are actually written decently and interesting, the plot is good and twelve is baby, thank you.

8x06 The Caretaker - 0/5 : so yeah, here we are. i hate everything from this episode. this is not doctor who

8x07 Kill the Moon - 2.5/5 : the moon! going back to the moon, first woman on the moon, this is sooo close to us and so exciting, i really hope we will go back there while i'm alive, just out of curiosity and not because there's something going on. but apart from my nerdy hype, this was kinda disappointing, apart from the obvious fuckery of the moon being an egg. the side characters are invisible (what were the two guys names?), the woman was a bit more interesting, courtney is unbearable. yeah and clara, if the moon's gone there's a little bit more than the tides and the internet connexion that would change, just saying (also, how can Courtney, an english girl, be the president of the US?)

8x08 Mummy on the Orient-Express - 4/5 : another good episode : the mummy and the countdown were pretty cool, perkins, the train in space. twelve sends me huge one vibes which i like. the only thing are the other scientists are completely useless, they don't even have a line of dialogue, they just stay in the background and just do nothing, so yeah that could have been easily corrected. also we'll never know who/what gus was

8x09 Flatline - 3.5/5 : it's a fun episode, it's in Bristol. clara's still annoying me though

8x10 In the Forest of the Night - 1/5 : that's everything that I hate about this season : coal hill school, clara being such a jerk, the plot that makes no sense (fire proof trees????). Just one point for twelve being baby again and calling out clara's bs

8x11 Dark Water - 3/5 : the scene in the volcano is superb, that's great acting from jenna coleman and peter capaldi. missy and the end twist are brilliant. but i'm so not on board with the afterlife thing and the bits with danny were totally flat because his character has been butchered all season

8x12 Death in Heaven - 2.5/5 : still not on board with all the cybermen = dead people thing. that's really too disturbing for me. but i liked missy and i liked twelve realising is neither a good man nor a bad man, he's just an idiot. not so happy with him killing missy though, not even for clara. 

Overall opinion : I really don't like this season. Apart from a couple of episodes, it didn't feel that i was watching doctor who and that's really a shame. one of my problem is danny. i know one of the themes of the season was to ask the question whether twelve (and the doctor in general) is a good man, the mirror with danny and how an external character can bring clara and the viewer to see the doctor for who he really is, the soldier/officer parallel (especially after the war doctor) were interesting ideas, and the way it culminates with the master giving the doctor an army because she wants him to be more like her was kinda cool. but as i said before, danny pink has been butchered, there's no subtlety you can see the strings pulling him together and that's bad. all of the good stuff he could have brought was drown into this relationship with clara and that's my biggest problem here. this is peter capaldi's first season, and yet it revolves more about clara and her normal life, and that i just can't accept. that's not why i watch doctor who, i don't care about her school and her attempts to date and her lies. she's more the doctor than the actual doctor and that's really not fair on peter capaldi who most of the time just appears as a grumpy, rude old man. also i really don't like this tendency that the doctor kinda comes when the companion calls because they want another adventure in the tardis. where is the doctor who accidentally kidnapped his companion? where is the doctor that brought rose back a year after she left with him? where is the doctor who took years to get Tegan to Heathrow? i miss companions that began as ordinary people and who got their whole life turned upside down, i miss companions who became extraordinary with the doctor, and i guess that's why i really don't like clara.

[elliebartlets]

1.08 Enemies

Episode:

• honestly, Bartlet is my favorite when he’s being a nerd.

• oh my god he’s geeking out over national parks, I love him so much!!

• “good as place as any to dump your body.” askfhjak

• Mallory offering to pay for breakfast then saying nevermind when she heard the price for coffee is too relatable

• “Whatever regard you hold for me personally, you are addressing the office of the Vice President.”

....was that foreshadowing or a hint of CJs affair with Hoynes?

• lol the subtitles say that Donna called Josh “sir?” instead of “Josh?” and I’m laughing...when has she ever called him sir, except for that one time she was mad at him?

• is that a characture of Toby on his wall?

• “I have hatred in my heart.”

“Toward whom?”

“You go ahead and pick em!

• ugh ok here we go:

I never liked that Leo gave Sam the birthday “message” to keep him from going on a date with Mallory when he said he was fine with it in the first place! Also, I didn’t like that Bartlet got in on it and then, after Mallory figured out her father’s intentions, told her to give Leo a break because he did a lot of shit that day and because he’s her father? He’s telling her to forgive her father for her parents splitting up, but Mallory wasn’t even mad at Leo for that, she was mad that he meddled in her relationship when she’s a grown ass adult. If Leo was trying to show Mallory she can’t have a relationship with a White House worker because they’re always working, it was undermined because Sam totally could’ve gone on that date if he wasn’t given that BS assignment. Idk the whole thing comes off as patronizing and rubs me the wrong way.

• However, I do love the scene where Mallory tells Sam that he’s just like Leo cause he wants to stay late and perfect the letter measage. Sam looks pleasantly surprised and takes it as a compliment, but the look on Leo’s face is what gets me. Although I can’t exactly describe what he’s feeling I thought it might’ve been something along the lines of “oh no, my daughters gonna date a workaholic like me and her marriage is gonna end up like mine.” Idk just what I thought.

• One of my favorite scenes in this episode will always be Sam crumpling up his second draft, banging his fist on his desk in frustration, and then saying “this is getting serious” 😂

• I also love how invested Toby got in the birthday message too 😂

• Charlie’s face as Bartlet drones on about the types of bears in the parks

• so smart of them to establish a National Park

Podcast:

• first episode, and one of the few, that Aaron Sorkin didn’t write. Interesting.

• taking about Rob Lowe’s “comedic chops” of just makes me think of Chris Traeger

• It is weird that Danny would reveal his source so easily and that the source, who is a low level easily replaceable employee, wouldn’t get fired. I know Danny said that if she was fired he would publish the story, but I feel like a.) he wouldn’t/shouldn’t have that kind of leverage over the WH and b.) the employee would definitley get fired in real life

• Congresswoman Carolyn Moloney from New York was inspired by this episode. She wrote to President Clinton and told him he should use the Antiquities act to turn these 2 forts on Governor’s Island into national monuments

• talk about writing own lyrics to the opening made me think of this iconic video:

https://youtu.be/_60RjGN9NsI

[krixwell-liveblogs]

Worm asks

Have you tried to give D&D alignments to The Travelers yet, and if not how would you classify them?

Hmm.

Trickster: True neutral

Sundancer: Neutral good

Ballistic: Chaotic neutral

Genesis: ???

Noelle: Lawful? good

Oliver: Chaotic nerd

Gurer’f abguvat vaqvfchgnoyl njshy tbvat guebhtu, ohg V’q qrsvavgryl yvxr gb frr yrff uvagvat znxr vg guebhtu gur fperravat gb Xevk

Sharks: Fher guvat. V’ir orra ehaavat bss gur vqrn gung vs vg’f va gur sbezng bs na ubarfg dhrfgvba, va beqre gb nibvq nabgure Fpragyrff Zna vapvqrag, ohg V pna svarghar vg vs crbcyr jnag?

As usual, translate here.

While you’re checking out all the Simurgh fanart, you should listen to this theme someone made for her: (google Simurgh Husr, first result. Hopefully sharks can just replace this with the actual link) Same person who made that Leviathan theme linked way back.

https://soundcloud.com/user-371879520/simurgh

This was really nice. I like how it does sound like a good melody while at the same time exhibiting some of the pattern-defying nature of the tune. 🙂

I think you miiiight have jumped to conclusions from an ask that simply asked you if you could list the Traveler’s cape and civilian names. Miiight have. Also, I’m pretty sure most of them where refered to by their civilian names in previous arcs.

It’s certainly possible.

It’s not so much that I jumped to the conclusion as that the ask opened my eyes to the possibility of it, which I hadn’t considered before. From there, I had to reevaluate things and consider how things would change if it turned out I had gotten the two mixed up. Ultimately I think I’d prefer for Cody to be Ballistic, but I’m still not sure either way (even with this ask heavily implying it’s Luke).

As for names, most of their names did show up (all the more reason for an ask about matching names to capes being kind of odd if it wasn’t trying to set me thinking of something), but I can’t recall Ballistic’s being one of them. But you know how my memory can be.

That smurf song you posted definitely says “dab dab dab” several times, despite the video being uploaded to YouTube in 2009, and the song supposedly being from 1978. So that’s suspicious as hell.

I… think that has to be the bits where it actually says “tramp, tramp, tramp på en smurf” (“stomp, stomp, stomp on a smurf”).

Either way, now we’re all forced to consider the concept of the Smurfs dabbing, so thanks for that. 😛

“Dragonberry” was Scarfgirl’s old character on City of Heroes, a MMORPG with a superhero theme that no longer exists. I know you’re not reading the chapter comments, but if you ever go back to read the early ones, you’ll see that quite a lot of the early readers were City of Heroes players who had an interest in superhero fiction. That’s why Scarfgirl’s art is signed “Dragonberry”, because it’s how people knew her back then.

Ah, interesting. Fun to hear a little about the fandom’s early history. 🙂

I’ve had many names, myself. Once upon a time I used to make a different name, if not more, for just about every site I was on. One of the names that stuck with me the most was Elementarion, which I used in the game Godville and a few other places (not every Elementarion that comes up on Google now is me, though), because I found long-time friends while using that name.

Though for some reason I wonder why 😛, nobody seemed to want to type it out every time they wanted to mention me. I’ve been called almost every short form of Elementarion there is. El was the most common (made watching Stranger Things kinda odd the first time around, even though I’d long abandoned the name), but I’ve been called Ele, Elem, Eleme, Elemen, Element…

A couple other highlights I remember were Hiatus (in a browser game I don’t remember the name of), OldHeavens (NewGrounds) and Barbute (ArmorGames).

It wasn’t until I came up with Krix Jace, later Krixwell Jace, that I started stabilizing my name.

1. Do you think people ever submit misleading questions just to fuck with you?

Some, probably. And that might be a good thing — if there are some asks that deliberately imply things that are wrong, it makes it harder to trust accidental implications of things that are right.

2. Have you ever noticed that Danny and Eidolon have never been in a scene together?

Hmmmmmm 🤔

Still no Travelers interlude… do you still think you’ll get one, or has this dashed your hopes?

Ahaha

Yeah, no, I’m counting this as everything I asked for and more. 😛

Sharks:

http://www.nospoiler.com/y/WenCYI_Bn7I

Sent in by “ewerwqer”. “Simurgh Scream” by person257 Don’t… Open it with headphones on. Trust me. Don’t.

I’m scared.

*disconnects his headphones*

…not as bad as the description sounded, but yeah, probably a good idea to not use headphones. It’s a well put-together bit of mind noise, nice work. 🙂

Worm fanart

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

By Winkle92

Oooh, there are more of these? Awesome! They’re all going in my backgrounds folder.

I love how Behemoth just kinda peeks around the corner of the image border. It’s okay, don’t be shy!

(Also I just discovered I can do slideshows. Neat.)

K6BD ask

My favorite part is the Master of Aesthetic saying “she is an idiot, and a loathsome schemer!” and YISUN is all “YEP, YOU GOT THAT ONE RIGHT 😀 😀 :D”. With Aesma standing right there.

YISUN is the type of person who has “precious trash babies” in every fandom they’re in. 😛

I feel like you all need to know, even if you don’t care about MLP:FiM, that the final episode of the show proved us all wrong.

The show’s resident Skitter is not Queen Chrysalis, the villainous, scheming ruler of a hive full of insect ponies.

Nor is it Twilight Sparkle, the mainest character and socially awkward brainiac who leads a team of five other main characters and always does her research if she can.

No, because of this one episode, it becomes clear:

It’s Rarity.

…

Okay, that’s just a joke, Twilight is still the best fit among the Mane Six, but Rarity using spiders for her fashion did immediately make me think of Taylor.

Twilight – Taylor

Applejack – Brian

Rainbow Dash – Rachel

Rarity – Lisa

Fluttershy – Alec??

Pinkie Pie – Aisha??

(Spike – Shatterbird??????)

K6BD patron comments

1. “What happened to Hansa” is addressed in the Prim story so that’s still out there if you want to know.

Ahh. That would explain why it was left unexplained in Aesma, aside from acting as a noodle incident if you haven’t read Prim.

2. As you observed, the word “demon” has appeared very rarely in the comic, outside of epic title drops & an instance where drunk Allison used it in place of “devil”. It’s used in some of the bonus texts but without a clear definition. Can you speculate further on what it might mean?

The priests seem to call Aesma a demon in the sense of a being of evil, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a definition that’s relevant to the comic’s title (and what appears to be Allison’s “name” in some sense, though the Demiurges do seem to have misinterpreted other parts of the prophecy and Zoss didn’t unambiguously use it as a name). It may be more about inner demons, Allison killing her fears, doubts and insecurities as she grows into the role of a king/queen of the cosmos. Six billion might be hyperbole, in that case, but still.

Alternatively, the prophecy and name might actually refer to Zaid, who could easily end up being the final villain of this thing even if he’s not actually Zoss’ intended successor. In that case, “six billion demons” might refer to humans, if Zaid gets really nasty with his own species. We know very little about Zaid’s base personality beyond “kinda sleazy boyfriend”, so a lot of developments are plausible on that front.

Though there are other parts of the prophecy, as well as illustrations, that do fairly clearly indicate Kill Six Billion Demons is Allison and will be flanked by White Chain and Ciocie, so it referring to Zaid is unlikely.

3. I think the author once said that there are still Aesma-worshippers active in Throne. What do you think they’re like and what would she think of them?

(Somehow the flesh sellars come to mind.)

Well, clearly they’d be Slytherins, if they understand her teachings. Aesma might treat them as ants, if she were still around, but bask in their adoration.

4. Kalpa — a Hindu / Buddhist concept meaning a really fucking long time. Besides in the story you just read, the term has also appeared in the comic at least once so far.

Good to know. I think I kind of just assumed it was Throne’s equivalent of a year, however long it might be.

5. Panopticon — a prison design envisioned by philospopher Jeremy Bentham, allowing all prisoners to be observed from a central point.

Makes sense. When I read it in Aesma’s story, the word’s construction was clear enough that I figured out what it was immediately, before I finished reading the sentence. It very clearly means a place from which to see everything.

6. Root — penis.

Yeah, I figured that one out. 😛

7. To offset the unfortunate scarcity of Cio in your life lately, here’s some of the old concept art:

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

(The quantity of arms was somewhat uncertain.)

Oooh.

Her arms and legs look so spidery here. I suppose that might be why she was introduced with the Coat of Arms.

Can Skitter control her?

8. Not related to K6BD but Abaddon has also been working on a tabletop mecha RPG and here’s the very nice cover art:

Ooh, you’re right, this looks very nice. It kind of gives me a K6BD x Steven Universe x Star Wars vibe. And a little bit of RWBY with that one guy that reminds me of Tyrian. I can definitely see the resemblance between this an K6BD in terms of character design style, despite the genre shift.

I particularly like the blonde in the lower left.

In the interest of transparency, I should also mention that the patron has said he probably won’t sponsor full liveblogs of any of the other bonus texts, but has sent me a few recommendations and links to some of the ones I’ve passed (besides Prim). I might read some of those on my own time, though, especially the second Aesma story. If I do, I will of course let you know and discuss any particularly notable observations.

Between: PB7

[greenyvertekins]

What do you think about chris in sonic x

I think that he is without a shadow of a doubt the singularly worst character in the entirety of the Sonic franchise. I say without any reservation that this little shit squarely deserves his hatedom. And that’s a fairly unique position to hold as far as my own opinions go concerning Sonic characters.

Thorndike is not just awful because not only steals spotlight from superior characters, he goes one even further in terms of BS by doing nothing of value with it. All of the focus he leeches is all for the sake of making the viewers fall in love with him, one of the many examples as to why he’s such a shitty character given that he fails even doing that, dirtying a sizable portion of the series through that and hence being a negative impact on it as a whole. You can credibly say that he’s Sonic X’s worst single issue as a series.

There’s also the thing of him, y’know, not being likeable? Especially when compared to, say, Helen? The ultimate irony here is that I’ve seen Helen get a far more positive reception…despite her only having a prominent role in a single episode. She garners far more of the viewership’s positive attention and sympathy in a single episode than what Chris gets in 76 of them.

Hell, he’s so awful that a lot of the time, he actually brings out the worser aspects of Sonic’s character, not his better ones. That’s a new level of shittiness - Bringing down actually good characters.

A lot of his antics are fucking obnoxious. Such as…

- Using underhanded tactics in the first Sonic Battle adapt ep against Danny.

- Outright saying that he hates his father in episode 43 when he dropped his work to visit him.

- Bitching about his mother in episode 7 when she had to drop the party for her work (And was distraught about it)

- Trying to scapegoat Dr Eggman for the time issue in episode 49 so he can have some excuse to keep Sonic all to himself

- Shutting down the portal at the end of episode 50 to once again try and keep Sonic all to himself.

- And in general, acting like and being treated as if he’s the most hard done-by character on the show when he had everything a kid could want; Riches, family, friends, a comfortable mansion and toys.

To add on to the level of fail regarding this character there’s his whole purpose. That being the audience surrogate whom kids could connect to. Yeah, I think it’s pretty hard for most kids to connect to this brat given that he lives a life of great privilege, is highly unlikeable and given that there was no compelling reason for his role and existence in this particular series given that this franchise is perfectly capable of connecting to it’s audience as proven time and time again without this whiny little turdshit“reaching out” to them.

The Sonic series has been connecting with it’s audience for a good 12 years before Sonic X came along. He scores again in the contempt department by being completely unnecessary as a means of connecting with the audience. At a trade show many years ago, Madeleine Schroeder, who worked at SEGA, noted how incredible Sonic’s appeal was even in 1991 when she stood behind a kid who was so engrossed in one of the Mega Drive’s that was set-up playing Sonic 1 that he didn’t notice her behind him in a Sonic mascot costume.

What really gets me about X in general is that the writers were fixated on making the audience fall in love with this one character but did so in such a slipshod terrible way that it’s actually somewhat hard to believe that this was their aim.

You cannot write a spoilt, petulant brat and then expect the audience to go “Poor little lamb” when said spoilt, petulant brat indulges in some scene that indicates how “sympathetic” and “pitiable” they are…when practically everything around them i.e Their family and servants, privileged upbringing, friends, riches and good health indicates that they have it pretty damn sweet overall.

You can’t realistically expect an audience to connect to this character easily for those things alone.

I suppose another thing that adds to the dislike is the fans of this character. Jesus H Christ, I’ve seen loads of fans who love shitty characters (Like Scourge) who can’t tolerate well-founded criticism of their favoured character but Chris fans take the biscuit in how far they’ll go to Stan their sainted brat, even holding contempt for characters like Helen, who deservedly received a much better reception, and bullshitting about an element of the character i.e Helen’s disability.

Yeah. Try harder.

[dappercritter]

You have been granted the oppurtunity to recast your favorite animated movie! The only catch is that each of the characters in said movie are animated characters from different shows/movies (X from show/movie is Bob, X from show/movie is Larry, ect.)

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo boi. You have no idea what you’ve just unleashed, my friend!

Once long ago, before the Cringe Ages, I loved recasting my favourite and sometimes least favourite movies with characters from my favourite shows. But then I started taking storytelling more seriously and sentimentally and… art-y, and I started acting as if I was above the stuff somehow. To this day, I still don’t know whether to blame the masses or my own hubris.

But now! Now, the floodgates of my childish, innocent mind are open once more! And I have just the idea: The Nightmare Before Christmas but with Villainous and Batman* characters! (With a few CN villains on the side.) So, I guess you could call it…

The Villainous Nightmare Before Batman! 

(No, wait. Uhhhhh…)

The Dark Knight Before Villainous!

Ok, yeah, that should do.

Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Dapper Critter, what are you doing this? Sure, Batman meets Villainous could work, but why are you bringing The Nightmare Before Christmas into this? It’s not even Halloween or Christmas! What are you thinking?!” Well, first of all, Christmas and Halloween aren’t just holidays, they’re states-of-mind. Second, I think it’s time you guys learned something important: I’m a big ol’ lowkey goth baby, baby! If it’s spooky or gothic, I’ll soak it up like a sponge in sink full of soapy water. And nothing says gothic like the hero of a city literally called “Gotham,” a show with a grotesque monster hiding behind the guise of a well-dressed man, and the classic story of Jack Skellington himself! What’s more, all three of these hold a special place in my heart, as they all played a huge part in helping me develop and realize my interest in gothic culture. Lastly, I can see the worlds of these three stories coming together quite easily. Behold, this plot pitch I just made!

“Another Halloween has come and gone in CN City, and another cheerful Christmas is on its way. Black Hat, unofficial master of all that is dark and evil, is thoroughly disgusted that the multiverse will soon be returning to it’s obnoxiously cheerful and wholesome state. He morosely tears a hole through time and space to talk a walk through reality, miserable that he’s stuck living in such a wonderful place. That is until he stumbles upon the city of Gotham, where no matter what time of year it is, the streets are filled with misery and malicious mayhem. Delighted, he sets out to celebrate Christmas his own way: by taking a certain caped-crusader out of the picture and making Gotham his very own holiday vacation home! Little does he know, there’s one special girl who thinks he can celebrate right where he is, as well as a certain clown who’s got his own sinister Christmas party in mind…”

So now that I’ve convinced you, I think it’s time we got down to the actual recasting! Let’s begin, my darling children of the Hot Topic night…

Black Hat as Jack Skellington: This couldn’t have been easier—they’re both creepy gentlemen with excellent taste in fashion. Yes, I know Black Hat is a lot less nice than our dear Pumpkin King, but let’s just say this story takes the odd liberty here and there. Not to mention, Black Hat could easily match Jack’s enthusiasm, intelligence, style, and obsessive inquisitions. Plus, he could totally pull off an evil Santa suit. (Though to be honest, I’m not sure if his snarling, slimy, cockney-accented voice could match Danny Elfman’s melodious singing.)

Demencia as Sally: A devoted, mildly ghoulish, and totally cute fangirl who’s always pining after their darling idol, and who may or may not have been made in a lab? It’s like this fancast is writing itself! Demencia might be a bit more proactive—and scary—in the plot, but I can see her a lot Sally’s dilemma in her as she tries to get Black Hat to notice her and not to abandon them in pursuit of a crazy dream. (Well, that I’m filthy Lizardhat trash.)

Dr. Flug as Dr. Finklestein: Flug, being the only mad scientist who’s employed by Black Hat, as well as the only to survive this, seems like a good pick. Sure, he’s not in a wheelchair and, no, he’s not as creepy as the bugger, but he could still work as our horrid hero’s right-hand man. Plus, since a big part of his canon character is putting up with Demencia’s BS (tell my family that means “baloney-sandwich”), he’d also do great as the one trying to keep the free-spirited love interest under control. Only here, it would be because he’s trying to keep Dem out of trouble so she doesn’t make his boss mad and try to kill him, as opposed to… whatever Finklestein’s problem is. And of course, he can still be menacing if need be. (Just watch the Lost Cases of Townsville and The Tree House…)

5.0.5. as Zero: A cute animal sidekick is a cute animal sidekick, I always say! And 5.0.5. was basically designed to be the ultimate cutesy animal sidekick. Therefore, he can be basically do anything Zero did. Try to cheer up Black Hat? Check. Pull Black Hate’s sleigh? Why couldn’t he? Yeah, he can’t be a flying ghost dog with a glowing nose, but I could just throw bedsheet on him (it was just after Halloween after all) and maybe say he swallowed that anti-gravity device.

Batman as Santa Claus: For Santa Clause, I needed someone who could be the absolute good guy in a world filled with bad guys and weirdos, much like Santa was in the movie. Likewise, since Jack kidnapped Santa to take over Christmas, Black Hat would need to kidnap the guy in charge of Gotham in order to take it for himself. So, of course he’s going to go after it’s #1 protector. I can also see Batman being the voice of reason in this madcap story. Not to mention that he could pull off a Santa suit even better than Black Hat! (In fact…)

The Joker as Oogie Boogie: This one I had some trouble with. I kept asking myself stuff like, “who would be brave enough to usurp Black Hat?,” “who could match Oogie’s siz—er, presence?” or “who would want to kidnap Santa Claus?,” and “Who would be into gambling and crazy funhouse stuff?” And then it came to me: The Joker. I mean, he’s got charisma, a sense of menace, he’s a cutthroat who loves to play with his enemies, and almost always has a big ol’ amusement park deathtrap on hand. Sure, he wouldn’t have the creepy demise like Oogie, but he could get a good beating and traumatizing from Black Hat and/or Demencia (who’d really hate being a damsel in distress, I imagine).

The Delightful Children from Down the Lane as Lock, Shock, and Barrel: At first, I thought of using other Batman villains or Shannon, Darrell, and Ernesto from OK K.O.!, but then I thought it would make more sense to have child villains from a CN show who could do bad things for slime-balls like Black Hat and Joker with pleasure. I instantly thought of these scheming, little monsters from Codename: Kids Next Door (an old favourite of mine). Although they’re usually talk and act in unison, they could have some comical bickering now and then. (After all, “Lenny is an idiot.”) Likewise, I can see Black Hat using Batman’s affinity for young people to get him while his guard’s down. They could make for great trick r’ treaters as well!

Lord Boxman as The Mayor: The mayor wasn’t a very important character, but he was definitely a memorable one, and the first character I thought of who could match his dual personality was Lord Boxman from OK K.O.! They both act like leaders but are really terrible at their jobs, suck up to better villains, and throw a whimpering tantrum like nobody else. (Also, I get to imagine Jim Cummings singing lines from The Nightmare Before Christmas songs, so that’s nice.)

Various CN Villains as The Citizens of Halloween Town: Like with The Mayor and the Trick R’ Treaters, I like to think that the various CN villains who cameoed in the Villainous Orientation series would show up as the denizens of the seedier side of CN City which—as you probably guessed—would be standing in for Halloween Town. Unfortunately, I do not have an encylcopediac knowledge of either Halloween Town residents, nor CN villains, so I’ll just list the ones I can remember and am the most proud of without offering any real justification.

Nohyas as Mr. Hyde: I couldn’t think of anyone besides Black Hat with a fancy hat or smaller versions of himself. Nohyas just so happens to have a suitable villain’s hat, and Handre (his hand puppet) could work in place of tiny clones living under his hats. (And yes, I like Mighty Magiswords. Deal with it.)

Zombozo as Clown with the Tear-Away Face: I don’t believe all creepy clowns look the same, but a ghoulish clown could easily stand in for another. Plus, I used to be a big Ben 10 fan, so I thought I ought to work something in.

Donny as Behemoth: This grass ogre from Adventure Time was more of an outright jerk than Behemoth, but he has a softer side so that would make him a great candidate for a resident gentle giant.

Loony Toons’ Dracula, Billy and Mandy’s Dracula, and Count Spankula as The Vampire Brothers: Do I really need to explain this one?

The Red Guy as Devil: I sure don’t need to elaborate on this one.

The Gangreen Gang as the Zombie Band: The Gangreens were basically based off edgy bands of the late 90’s, and thanks to Gorillaz, we know Ace can play the bass like a boss. Also, I can totally hear Ace saying, “Nice work, bone-daddy.”

Earl (AKA Dopey Black Hat) as Igor: Earl doesn’t get enough to do, inside or outside of Villainous canon.

The Beast as The Hanging Tree: Yeah, I know, I’m messed-up.

HIM as Harlequin Demon: Seriously, this one cast itself!

The Queen of the Black Puddle as Undersea Gal: I don’t watch Courage the Cowardly Dog much, but I remember seeing this villainess once before and I instantly thought she’d be a dead-ringer!

Morbidia and Gateaux as The Witches: Another natural casting derived from my soft spot for Mighty Magiswords. Although Gateaux is a male and a tall one at that, he’s perfect for being a huge suck-up. (I originally considered Miss Endive from Chowder and Duchess from Fosters’ Home for Imaginary Friends, but then I remembered that no matter what they dressed-up as, they’d be unlikeable.)

Monstrous Black Hat as The Monster Under the Bed: Like Earl and the other Black Hat clones, he doesn’t get enough love. (Though this may be a good thing, since he seems too nasty to receive or return it…)

Rob as The Melting Man: There aren’t a lot of CN villains who are melting, per se, but I figured this poor bad guy from Amazing World of Gumball and his unique media-mixed malformity could work.

Biowolf as The Wolfman: Because they’re both well designed wolfmen and I refuse to forget Generator Rex.

The Robins, Batgirl, and Alfred as the Elves: If Batman’s going to be Santa, then his support staff/family might as well be his helpers. Not to mention, they’d look great in cute little elf outfits happily working on Batman’s gadgets in preparation for the big Christmas crime wave.

The Justice League as The Army: Someone needs to show up to shoot-down Black Hat and his idea of Christmas at the end, and since he’s kidnapped Batman, I think it only makes sense that the Justice League would retaliate and come to clean up Black Hat’s mess. He’d also get a reminder that he isn’t just in Gotham City, he’s in the DC universe.

Unikitty as The Easter Bunny: I have my reasons. Them being, Unikitty is good at being sweet and innocent, the episode “Batkitty,” and her world is one of the few Black Hat has interacted with so far. I like to think that’s because he’s too repulsed by her cuteness to touch it. So imagine his reaction when the Delightful Children bring him to her by accident while she’s cosplaying as LEGO Batman or something.

And there you have it! I had a lot of fun making this recast. It was a great way to step out of my comfort zone and to have some fun. Not to mention, I had an excuse to listen to the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack early. I sincerely hope you like it as much as I do, @good-guy-is-alive!

Now I just need to make sure Black Hat himself doesn’t see this, or else he might find me and—

Oh no.

No, please, Mister Black Hat, sir, you don’t understand. I just was doing this for fun. I wasn’t trying to make you look—

OH NO.

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOjglkajgflkjdshGH;LJF’W abfklghlfuGFARGTADS!!!#%RQ#@!

…

…

…

*Since DC changes their Batman shows like people change their socks, we’ll just say that this is your standard DCAU/Bruce Timmverse Batman.

[feelingsdusk-writes]

Worse than worse

Prompted by @ssree: A/B/O world where Bs are a neglected minority (A45/B10/O45), even if they're some of the most important members of society. Because Bs are immune to pheromones. Stiles is a B undercover spy. On a mission, Stiles poses as A/O (with fake pheromones, gotta love the R&D) and gets chosen by A/O Peter, who has issues with normal dynamic stereotypes (O's are airheads, A's are controlfreak douches) and Stiles doesn't set his hackles up like all the others. And Stiles just wants to complete his mission.

Peter is so, so tired right now. He has been for a while, actually. Of society, his family, his circumstances. So. Very. Tired.

The last thing he wanted was to have to attend a ball that will leave him with the same sour taste in his mouth as always in the end. Arrogant alphas, simpering omegas, all of them slaves to their own hormones and pheromones and no better than animals. No amount of alcohol can wash the foul taste that's already building in his mouth, barely one hour in.

Sadly, he had no say in the matter and here he is.

Then he spots him. He doesn't know what makes him pay attention, but he's glad anyways. The man is gorgeous, but that's not what catches his attention. What makes Peter giddy is the way he manipulates the alpha in front of him into snapping so badly that security sweeps in. Then the man feigns being horrified when Peter is sure he's ecstatic. It's beautiful and, since Peter has never been one to abstain from what he wants, he tells him so.

"So beautiful," Peter drawls and then he has to contain a delighted laugh when the man turns, a spark in his eyes that says that he's ready to destroy Peter.

Suddenly, Peter is not tired at all.

---

He called it.

Stiles fucking called it.

Did he say that loud enough for the ones in the back?

No?

HE CALLED IT.

There.

When he eventually gets out, he's going to repeat that until he loses his voice. And then he'll write it down, make copies of it and shove it in their faces. He'll let them keep their copy. Hell, he'll even frame it for them. The remaining copies will be stuck around the office, toilets included.

Because he called it, fuck dammit.

He said the mission was going to be the worst thing ever, and, just as he expected, this mission has turned out to be the worst thing ever. What's worse than the worst thing ever? Is that a thing? It has to be. Because once Stiles had to spend an entire week in the sewers and that was supposed to be the perfect example of the worst thing ever. And yet this is worse. So there must be a term whose definition is "worse than the worst thing ever".

And the mission isn't even over yet.

From bad intel to really bad luck, everything that could go wrong has gone epically wrong. (There's a horse hoof-shaped burn on Stiles' butt that's stinging like crazy, that's how bad the whole thing has gone! A hoof-shaped second degree burn! Stiles will have a hoof tattoo-like mark on his butt for who knows how long, fuck dammit!) Stiles is going to kill the intel and development people, he doesn't care if Danny or Lydia get pissed off for Stiles destroying their respective departments. This shit calls for retribution! The equipment failed, the intel was wrong, they deserve anything Stiles dishes out. Everything went wrong because of them!

Ok, fine, not exactly all. He's already gotten what he needed from his target's computer... even after said computer's OS crashed and nearly caught on fire. Physically. As in flames coming out of... Ok, whatever. Let bygones be bygones and all that shit. Stiles, hoof-shaped second degree burn on his ass cheek or not, needs to chill. He has the data and that's all that matters.

Now, he just has to figure how to send said data to base and then beat it. That would be wonderful. But, of fucking course, because this mission is the worst of the worst things ever, something is jamming the signal, which has made him lose contact with his handler and he hasn't been able to transfer it to headquarters. Sadly, that means that he has had to transfer the data to a memory stick (after having to patch the damn thing that was just seconds ago on fire with what he had in his pockets) and now he has to physically carry it outside the building. Which is no good but he'll have to make do.

He's taking a vacation after this.

(After making intel and development pay, that is.)

---

Just... fuck his life, ok?

His partner was able to slip out unnoticed but as he was trying to do the same, security showed up out of nowhere and he had to retreat towards a toilet or risk being caught otherwise. And sadly, an atypical and abrupt increase in security can only mean one thing: the breach has already been found out and they're trying to locate the source.

Maybe Stiles hasn't mentioned this before, but he really, really hates this mission.

(He has.)

(Like at least twenty times over the comms before he found himself alone.)

(After that he's been chanting it in his head.)

It's already been twenty minutes since that happened and he hasn't been able to leave yet, which just adds up to the shit-ton of things that have gone wrong in this operation so far. Right now, his only consolation for all his troubles is that Deaucalion and every single member of his merry band of human waste are going to be drawn out handcuffed in broad daylight when the bosses finally get their hands on the intel Stiles is carrying right now.

But first he has to leave this fucking place, dammit.

Which, again, brings him to his current situation, in which he's stuck in a ballroom, trying to make an alpha completely lose his shit out of sheer irritation and enjoying every second of it despite the dire circumstances. Now, Stiles would normally try to curve his vindictiveness when he's posing as an omega, but in his defense this alpha was asking for it. Begging. On his metaphorical knees even.

If there's a word Stiles despises, it's defective, with unnatural or it's various synonyms right after it on the podium. Especially so if they're being used to describe another human being. They get his hackles up and his level of viciousness goes first through the roof and then the stratosphere. Easily.

When he was a teen he would even get violent, but time (and the anger management therapy the State of California, his crying omega mom and disappointed™ alpha dad forced on him) toned down his knee-jerk reaction to those words. Don't get him wrong, his view on the whole thing is still pretty much the same, he has just learned to dish out his response in a much more undetectable and productive way.

Because, by definition of the majority of the population nowadays, Stiles himself is defective and unnatural. Doctors have tests to know it before babies like Stiles are born so that the parents can knowingly decide if they still want to have a Beta child or not. In some parts of the world people like Stiles are sacrificed, in others they have to be terminated before they're even born or face being persecuted and killed along with the parents that dared to defy the law and had them. Never mind that if an Alpha, an Omega and a Beta are examined side by side, physically speaking they are almost identical. The only thing that's different is that Betas can't produce any of the two kinds of pheromones or smell them when they're being emitted. That's it. The rest of their bodies work just fine. They have to eat, drink and sleep to survive just like everyone else. If they are female, they are perfectly able to get pregnant; if they are male, they can impregnate a woman. Just like every Alpha or Omega on the planet.

But again, since Betas lack of the equipment to process pheromones, don't go into a heat or a rut, and lack those instincts associated with them, they are defective. Hell, the very term "beta" is a slur that comes from the programming slang (first version of a program that has the necessary basics for it to run but it's incomplete). Betas may have made it their own, but that doesn't change its origins. That's the kind of world Stiles lives in.

And this asshole Alpha, who apparently also finds Omegas utterly vapid and vexing, has packed more Beta slurs in the twenty minutes Stiles has been there blending in than what he can stomach without popping a vessel if he doesn't answer somehow.

Admittedly, Stiles was running on a short fuse to begin with, but he knows he would have done this anyways because it may provide the necessary distraction to slip out unnoticed.

And no one beats Stiles at being an asshole, so by now he has lost count of the number of times he's had to bite his cheek and mask his glee covering his face coyly with his flute of champagne to avoid giving himself away. Asshole Alpha looks about ready to give in to the temptation of strangling him and it shouldn't be this amusing, but it is. Immensely so, in fact. Especially since Stiles is keeping up the hare-brained and innocent act flawlessly and drawing every single omega in the vicinity into the conversation, thus managing to crowd Asshole Alpha quite effectively.

A small pleasure in a completely shitty situation, that's exactly what this is. Now, if he could just leave somehow... But no, impossible. Security is still at every door and Stiles has no way of getting out without being caught with the memory stick and photographic evidence he has on himself.

Asshole Alpha finally snaps and lets out a threatening growl. Stiles forces himself to back off frightened instead of snickering delightedly, copying the reaction of every Omega around himself down to the distressed whimpers at the (he guesses by the reaction) onslaught of angry pheromones. Two guards swoop in almost immediately and make the man accompany them. He resists the temptation of waving cheekily at him as they drag him out and joins the horrified and appalled whispering left behind instead.

"So beautiful," someone drawls at his back and Stiles bites back an irritated groan before turning around to look at most possibly Asshole Alpha, take two.

His breath catches slightly when he takes in the new Alpha's appearance. Ok, wow. Asshole or not, that's one fine specimen of a man. Like, top model worthy wow. Stiles never thought he'd see anyone other than Tony Stark (who cares if it's a fictional character?) who would do justice to a goatee, but holy shit.

What. He may hate people and the dynamics they're run by, but that doesn't keep him from appreciating eye candy, ok? That's a completely different matter, after all. Also, eye candy or not, Stiles will destroy him anyways if he's a douche. It will even be sweeter, because good looking alphas are the epitome of privilege and the thought of being played by an Omega doesn't even enter the realm of possibilities for them.

"Hi," he chirps sweetly, looking at him through his eyelashes and tilting his head just so. Alpha's smile widens and Stiles fights a smug smirk. He's going to destroy him.

"Hello," Alpha purrs. "My name's Peter."

[feelingsdusk]

A/B/O world where Bs are a neglected minority (A45/B10/O45), even if they're some of the most important members of society. Because Bs are immune to pheromones. Stiles is a B undercover spy. On a mission, Stiles poses as A/O (with fake pheromones, gotta love the R&D) and gets chosen by A/O Peter, who has issues with normal dynamic stereotypes (O's are airheads, A's are controlfreak douches) and Stiles doesn't set his hackles up like all the others. And Stiles just wants to complete his mission.

Worse than worse.

Peter is so, so tired right now. He has been for a while, actually. Of society, his family, his circumstances. So. Very. Tired.

The last thing he wanted was to have to attend a ball that will leave him with the same sour taste in his mouth as always in the end. Arrogant alphas, simpering omegas, all of them slaves to their own hormones and pheromones and no better than animals. No amount of alcohol can wash the foul taste that's already building in his mouth, barely one hour in.

Sadly, he had no say in the matter and here he is.

Then he spots him. He doesn't know what makes him pay attention, but he's glad anyways. The man is gorgeous, but that's not what catches his attention. What makes Peter giddy is the way he manipulates the alpha in front of him into snapping so badly that security sweeps in. Then the man feigns being horrified when Peter is sure he's ecstatic. It's beautiful and, since Peter has never been one to abstain from what he wants, he tells him so.

"So beautiful," Peter drawls and then he has to contain a delighted laugh when the man turns, a spark in his eyes that says that he's ready to destroy Peter.

Suddenly, Peter is not tired at all.

---

He called it.

Stiles fucking called it.

Did he say that loud enough for the ones in the back?

No?

HE CALLED IT.

There.

When he eventually gets out, he's going to repeat that until he loses his voice. And then he'll write it down, make copies of it and shove it in their faces. He'll let them keep their copy. Hell, he'll even frame it for them. The remaining copies will be stuck around the office, toilets included.

Because he called it, fuck dammit.

He said the mission was going to be the worst thing ever, and, just as he expected, this mission has turned out to be the worst thing ever. What's worse than the worst thing ever? Is that a thing? It has to be. Because once Stiles had to spend an entire week in the sewers and that was supposed to be the perfect example of the worst thing ever. And yet this is worse. So there must be a term whose definition is "worse than the worst thing ever".

And the mission isn't even over yet.

From bad intel to really bad luck, everything that could go wrong has gone epically wrong. (There's a horse hoof-shaped burn on Stiles' butt that's stinging like crazy, that's how bad the whole thing has gone! A hoof-shaped second degree burn! Stiles will have a hoof tattoo-like mark on his butt for who knows how long, fuck dammit!) Stiles is going to kill the intel and development people, he doesn't care if Danny or Lydia get pissed off for Stiles destroying their respective departments. This shit calls for retribution! The equipment failed, the intel was wrong, they deserve anything Stiles dishes out. Everything went wrong because of them!

Ok, fine, not exactly all. He's already gotten what he needed from his target's computer... even after said computer's OS crashed and nearly caught on fire. Physically. As in flames coming out of... Ok, whatever. Let bygones be bygones and all that shit. Stiles, hoof-shaped second degree burn on his ass cheek or not, needs to chill. He has the data and that's all that matters.

Now, he just has to figure how to send said data to base and then beat it. That would be wonderful. But, of fucking course, because this mission is the worst of the worst things ever, something is jamming the signal, which has made him lose contact with his handler and he hasn't been able to transfer it to headquarters. Sadly, that means that he has had to transfer the data to a memory stick (after having to patch the damn thing that was just seconds ago on fire with what he had in his pockets) and now he has to physically carry it outside the building. Which is no good but he'll have to make do.

He's taking a vacation after this.

(After making intel and development pay, that is.)

---

Just... fuck his life, ok?

His partner was able to slip out unnoticed but as he was trying to do the same, security showed up out of nowhere and he had to retreat towards a toilet or risk being caught otherwise. And sadly, an atypical and abrupt increase in security can only mean one thing: the breach has already been found out and they're trying to locate the source.

Maybe Stiles hasn't mentioned this before, but he really, really hates this mission.

(He has.)

(Like at least twenty times over the comms before he found himself alone.)

(After that he's been chanting it in his head.)

It's already been twenty minutes since that happened and he hasn't been able to leave yet, which just adds up to the shit-ton of things that have gone wrong in this operation so far. Right now, his only consolation for all his troubles is that Deaucalion and every single member of his merry band of human waste are going to be drawn out handcuffed in broad daylight when the bosses finally get their hands on the intel Stiles is carrying right now.

But first he has to leave this fucking place, dammit.

Which, again, brings him to his current situation, in which he's stuck in a ballroom, trying to make an alpha completely lose his shit out of sheer irritation and enjoying every second of it despite the dire circumstances. Now, Stiles would normally try to curve his vindictiveness when he's posing as an omega, but in his defense this alpha was asking for it. Begging. On his metaphorical knees even.

If there's a word Stiles despises, it's defective, with unnatural or it's various synonyms right after it on the podium. Especially so if they're being used to describe another human being. They get his hackles up and his level of viciousness goes first through the roof and then the stratosphere. Easily.

When he was a teen he would even get violent, but time (and the anger management therapy the State of California, his crying omega mom and disappointed™ alpha dad forced on him) toned down his knee-jerk reaction to those words. Don't get him wrong, his view on the whole thing is still pretty much the same, he has just learned to dish out his response in a much more undetectable and productive way.

Because, by definition of the majority of the population nowadays, Stiles himself is defective and unnatural. Doctors have tests to know it before babies like Stiles are born so that the parents can knowingly decide if they still want to have a Beta child or not. In some parts of the world people like Stiles are sacrificed, in others they have to be terminated before they're even born or face being persecuted and killed along with the parents that dared to defy the law and had them. Never mind that if an Alpha, an Omega and a Beta are examined side by side, physically speaking they are almost identical. The only thing that's different is that Betas can't produce any of the two kinds of pheromones or smell them when they're being emitted. That's it. The rest of their bodies work just fine. They have to eat, drink and sleep to survive just like everyone else. If they are female, they are perfectly able to get pregnant; if they are male, they can impregnate a woman. Just like every Alpha or Omega on the planet.

But again, since Betas lack of the equipment to process pheromones, don't go into a heat or a rut, and lack those instincts associated with them, they are defective. Hell, the very term "beta" is a slur that comes from the programming slang (first version of a program that has the necessary basics for it to run but it's incomplete). Betas may have made it their own, but that doesn't change its origins. That's the kind of world Stiles lives in.

And this asshole Alpha, who apparently also finds Omegas utterly vapid and vexing, has packed more Beta slurs in the twenty minutes Stiles has been there blending in than what he can stomach without popping a vessel if he doesn't answer somehow.

Admittedly, Stiles was running on a short fuse to begin with, but he knows he would have done this anyways because it may provide the necessary distraction to slip out unnoticed.

And no one beats Stiles at being an asshole, so by now he has lost count of the number of times he's had to bite his cheek and mask his glee covering his face coyly with his flute of champagne to avoid giving himself away. Asshole Alpha looks about ready to give in to the temptation of strangling him and it shouldn't be this amusing, but it is. Immensely so, in fact. Especially since Stiles is keeping up the hare-brained and innocent act flawlessly and drawing every single omega in the vicinity into the conversation, thus managing to crowd Asshole Alpha quite effectively.

A small pleasure in a completely shitty situation, that's exactly what this is. Now, if he could just leave somehow... But no, impossible. Security is still at every door and Stiles has no way of getting out without being caught with the memory stick and photographic evidence he has on himself.

Asshole Alpha finally snaps and lets out a threatening growl. Stiles forces himself to back off frightened instead of snickering delightedly, copying the reaction of every Omega around himself down to the distressed whimpers at the (he guesses by the reaction) onslaught of angry pheromones. Two guards swoop in almost immediately and make the man accompany them. He resists the temptation of waving cheekily at him as they drag him out and joins the horrified and appalled whispering left behind instead.

"So beautiful," someone drawls at his back and Stiles bites back an irritated groan before turning around to look at most possibly Asshole Alpha, take two.

His breath catches slightly when he takes in the new Alpha's appearance. Ok, wow. Asshole or not, that's one fine specimen of a man. Like, top model worthy wow. Stiles never thought he'd see anyone other than Tony Stark (who cares if it's a fictional character?) who would do justice to a goatee, but holy shit.

What. He may hate people and the dynamics they're run by, but that doesn't keep him from appreciating eye candy, ok? That's a completely different matter, after all. Also, eye candy or not, Stiles will destroy him anyways if he's a douche. It will even be sweeter, because good looking alphas are the epitome of privilege and the thought of being played by an Omega doesn't even enter the realm of possibilities for them.

"Hi," he chirps sweetly, looking at him through his eyelashes and tilting his head just so. Alpha's smile widens and Stiles fights a smug smirk. He's going to destroy him.

"Hello," Alpha purrs. "My name's Peter."

[zayadriancas]

@maya-matlin im gonna post this on a text post because it’s showing up weird when I answered it as an ask

Jimmy Brooks, Drew Torres, Dave Turner, KC Guthrie, Sean Cameron, Peter Stone, Spinner Mason, Adam Torres, Joey Jeremiah, Campbell Saunders, Hunter Hollingsworth, Lucas Friar, Ethan Craft, Zay Babineaux, Shawn Hunter, Manny Santos, Maya Matlin, Shay Powers, Paige Michalchuk, Alex Nunez, Fiona Coyne, Katie Matlin, Riley Matthews, Maya Hart, Miranda Sanchez, Tori Santamaria, Holly J Sinclair, Marisol Lewis, Imogen Moreno, Mia Jones & Ellie Nash

Jimmy Brooks:

general opinion: don’t like them | eh 
 hotness level: meh 
 best quality: Idk he was a pretty good friend to Marco

worst quality: he’s an entitled ass
 ship them with: Trina & Hazel
 brotp them with: Craig & Marco 
 needs to stay away from: Ashley
 misc. thoughts: He annoyed me and pissed me off half of the time I really only liked him in season 7.

Drew Torres:

general opinion: | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 
 hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang

best quality: he always tries to do the right thing 
 worst quality: idk 
 ship them with: Bianca & Imogen
 brotp them with: Dallas

needs to stay away from: Katie & Becky
 misc. thoughts: I love Drew’s character especially in s11-12 and wish they didn’t take such a huge shit on him in s13-14. He deserved so much better. I loved his gang/PTSD storyline and his relatonship with Bianca. And his friendship with Dallas. He’s a good guy and I wish people didn’t treat him the way they did.

Dave Turner:

general opinion: eh | they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: meh 

best quality: he’s pretty funny
 worst quality: he was pretty selfish in s12 to Alli 
 ship them with: Alli
 brotp them with: Connor 
 needs to stay away from: Jacinta
 misc. thoughts: I’m neutral on Dave, he’s a decent character but I didn’t really like the way he treated Alli in s12 or the way he treated Adam in s11(I know he learned from his mistake but still) he didn’t really have a decent storyline, then he was just blackholed. I don’t hate him but don’t love him.

KC Guthrie

general opinion: like them! 
 hotness level: neutral 
 best quality: he can be sweet
 worst quality: bad at commitment
 ship them with: Clare, Alli, & Marisol
brotp them with: Bianca & Connor
 needs to stay away from: Jenna
 misc. thoughts: I like KC especially in s8-9 and I hate that they dumded down his character for Kenna. His storyline with the coach was great, I loved his storyline with his mom (and their relationship in general) and the storyline with his dad was good but I wish KC didn’t leave :( he was finally being developed and redeemed it’s not fair :( overall I liked him the devil that was Kenna kind of ruined him for me in s10-11

Sean Cameron:

general opinion: like them! | love them | actual love of my life 
 hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang

best quality: he’s sweet 
 worst quality: he sometimes lets his anger get the best of him 
 ship them with: Emma & Ellie
 brotp them with: Jay
 needs to stay away from: Amy
 misc. thoughts: He’s a great character and I wish he hadn’t been written off twice.

Peter Stone general opinion: they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: pretty hot 

best quality: 
 worst quality: the way he often treated women in the early seasons 
 ship them with: Darcy
 brotp them with: Riley, Danny, & Sav
 needs to stay away from: Mia
 misc. thoughts: I hated him in s5/early season 6 but once he got with Darcy he started to grow up and become better. I wish she never left because I loved them together, but Peter was still okay in s8-9 aside from Mia and the one episode drug problem he matured a bit more and was more likable. I don’t have strong feelings on him, mostly neutral on him.

Spinner Mason

general opinion: like them! | love them | actual love of my life 
 hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang

best quality: he’s funny and a pretty good boyfriend for the most part 
 worst quality: his immaturity in the early seasons 
 ship them with: Darcy, Jane, Paige, Holly J, & Terri
 brotp them with: Jay
 needs to stay away from: Emma ew
 misc. thoughts: I loved Spinner’s character especially in s5-9. He had a great redemption arc and I enjoyed his interactions with pretty much everyone. He was funny and likable and it may be an unpopular opinion but I don’t think the way literally everyone turned on him was fair, yes what he did was wrong but it wasn’t completely his fault. I’m glad he had Darcy during that time. <3 I hate how they randomly married him to Emma and wish they had been divorced in the reunion episode, the writers producers and actors agreed it was a huge mistake so idk why they didn’t take the opportunity they had to break them up.

Adam Torres

general opinion: they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: neutral 

best quality: he’s loyal and sweet
 worst quality: Idk tbh 
 ship them with: Imogen, Becky, & Tori
 brotp them with: Clare
 needs to stay away from: Missy
 misc. thoughts: He’s a good character and had good storylines in s10-s11. I feel like they kind of gave up on him in s12 aside from Beckdam but even that was rushed IMO(still liked them though.) The way they wrote him off was BS. He deserved better.

Joey Jeremiah:

general opinion: like them! 
hotness level: theoretically hot but not my type (DJH/DH)



best quality: he’s funny and a good parent 
 worst quality: cheated on Caitlin (not really a quality but I’m having a hard time with these lol)
 ship them with: Caitlin
 brotp them with: Snake
 needs to stay away from: Tessa & Sydney
 misc. thoughts: I liked him a lot and he was my fave in DJH/DH. I liked him in DTNG but I hated when they gave him storylines in DTNG they were always boring. I loved the way he took Craig in and was a great father to him. And I loved his relationship with Caitlin and wish it hadn’t been ruined again.

Campbell Saunders

general opinion: like them! | love them

hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang

best quality: he’s sensitive and sweet 
 worst quality: letting his anger get the best of him
 ship them with: Maya
 brotp them with: No one
 needs to stay away from: Zig
 misc. thoughts: I loved his storyline because I can relate to him so much. I hate the way he was made out to be the victim with Zig and I hate the way the fandom is with him often but I try not to let that affect how I feel about him because he was a good character and had a great storyline. I wish his depression/anxiety was focused on more than Camaya though.

Hunter Hollingsworth:

general opinion: eh 
 hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang
 best quality: he’s hot
 worst quality: the way he treats women
 ship them with: no one
 brotp them with: no one 
 needs to stay away from: Maya 
 misc. thoughts: I liked him a lot in s13-14 but they ruined him in Next Class with what he did to Maya. And the fact he never apologized makes it worse. I hate how they gave him a mental illness to excuse what he did then didn’t even bothering following up on that after one episode and just made it about his relationship with Yael. But at the same time I can kind of relate to him which scares me because I get angry easily and have depression but they didn’t write it correctly with him. He’s not as bad in s3 but his storyline was ridiculous and Yael deserves better honestly and I don’t even like her that much.

Lucas Friar:

general opinion: like them! 
 hotness level: theoretically hot but not my type 

best quality: he’s a good and loyal friend
 worst quality: i can’t think of anything 
 ship them with: Riley 
 brotp them with: Zay & Farkle
 needs to stay away from: Maya
 misc. thoughts: I like his character but I wish they gave him an actual storyline of his own.

Ethan Craft: general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: theoretically hot but not my type 

best quality: He’s hilarious 
 worst quality: He’s clueless lol
 ship them with: Lizzie (kind of)
 brotp them with: Gordo
 needs to stay away from: Kate
 misc. thoughts: I love him he’s hilarious he always made me laugh and smile

Zay Babineuax:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: neutral 

best quality: he’s funny and a good friend 
 worst quality: N/A
 ship them with: Smackle kind of 
 brotp them with: Lucas
 needs to stay away from: No one 
 misc. thoughts: He’s a great and funny character and I wish he got his own storyline too.

Shawn Hunter:

general opinion: like them! | love them | actual love of my life 
 hotness level: pretty hot | 10/10 would bang

best quality: he’s a great friend and always stays strong 
 worst quality: idk lol I’m so bad at these
 ship them with: Angela
 brotp them with: Cory
 needs to stay away from: Katy
 misc. thoughts: I love Shawn, he had the best storylines in BMW. He went through so much and deserved better than what he was given. He’s definitely my favorite BMW character aside from Eric.

Manny Santos:

general opinion: they’re fine I guess | like them! 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: She’s a great friend 
 worst quality: in the early seasons, her obsession with Craig tbh
 ship them with: Jay
 brotp them with: Darcy
 needs to stay away from: Craig
 misc. thoughts: I have mixed feelings on her, I liked her in seasons 1-2, seasons 4-5, and 7-8. But something about her in s3 and s6 bugged me. I guess I just didn’t like how she didn’t care how Ashley felt when it came to the Craig situation and hooked up with him anyway. And just her obsession with him in general. And idk about season 6 she just annoyed me for some reason. But other than that I liked her character and she had good character development.

Maya Matlin:

general opinion: like them! | love them | actual love of my life 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s a great friend and very selfless and caring 
 worst quality: sometimes caring more about other people more than herself because she deserves to be happy and as great as it is that she puts other people before her she needs to take care of herself too 
 ship them with: Zig
 brotp them with: Grace
 needs to stay away from: Miles & Zoe
 misc. thoughts: I love Maya so much. She’s one of my favorite female characters to ever be on this show. I can relate to her so much especially after NC season 3. She’s a strong, caring, sweet, talented, amazing person and she deserves so much better than the way people have treated her. But for the most part she doesn’t let it get to her and I applaud her for that even though I wouldn’t blame her if she slapped some of these people lol.

Shay Powers:

general opinion: like them! 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s smart and strong
 worst quality: honestly she takes things too seriously 
 ship them with: Tiny
 brotp them with: Frankie
 needs to stay away from: Esme 
 misc. thoughts: I like Shay’s character. She’s smart, strong, and doesn’t take any shit. But at the same time she takes things way too seriously (like with the Tiny/Lola thing in episode 5) but I still like her and she’s a good character.

Paige Michalchuk:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: shes sassy and doesn’t take anyone’s shit
worst quality: the way she treated her friends in the early seasons 
 ship them with: Spinner & JT
 brotp them with: Marco 
 needs to stay away from: Dean & Matt
 misc. thoughts: At first I didn’t like her the first time I watched but I love her character now. She had good storylines for the most part and I wish they didn’t kind of erase her character development in DGH, I know her and Marco made up and she was good again in the reunion episode but it was a shitty send off for her character. Still love her though.

Alex Nunez:

general opinion: eh | they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she doesn’t take anyone’s shit
 worst quality: the way she treated people in s3-4
 ship them with: no one 
 brotp them with: Paige 
 needs to stay away from: no one 
 misc. thoughts: I don’t really care for her character. She’s okay but most of her character was about her relationship with Paige which I didn’t like because I felt like they brought out the worst in each other. Then she was just written off. Also the stripping storyline was ridiculous.

Fiona Coyne:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s stylish 
 worst quality: clingy 
 ship them with: Imogen & Charlie 
 brotp them with: Holly J & Dallas
 needs to stay away from: Alcohol
 misc. thoughts: I love her character. She had great character development and I loved her alcoholism and abuse storylines in season 10. Also I know a lot of people didn’t like her storyline in Karma Police but I liked it because she finally learned she can’t always depend on other people and needs to be there for herself.

Katie Matlin: general opinion: eh | they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: meh 

best quality: she was a good sister to Maya for the most part 
 worst quality: she was hypocritical, bitchy, and took advantage of Drew
 ship them with: Jake
 brotp them with: No one 
 needs to stay away from: Drew 
 misc. thoughts: she annoyed me for the most part but I didn’t hate her. I hate what she did to Drew and hated the way she treated Bianca but in season 12 once she got with Jake she wasn’t too terrible. But then she screwed him over too and she took it out on everyone else and it pissed me off. I like that she was there for Maya in Next Class though. I liked her soccer storyline but at the same time the way she treated Drew during that time pissed me off. Mainly she just pissed me off.

Riley Matthews:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s a great friend and super positive and optimistic and caring
 worst quality: a little too dramatic sometimes 
 ship them with: Lucas, Farkle, & Maya
 brotp them with: Maya 
 needs to stay away from: No one
 misc. thoughts: I like her character a lot. She’s one of my favorite GMW characters. I like how positive and sweet she is.

Maya Hart:

general opinion: they’re fine I guess 
hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s tough 
 worst quality: the way she takes her making fun of Lucas too far sometimes
 ship them with: Josh, Riley, & Farkle 
 brotp them with: Riley, Zay, & Farkle
 needs to stay away from: Lucas 
 misc. thoughts: I don’t really care for her character she kind of bugs me. I feel like they tried too hard to make people feel bad for her and I do feel bad for her situation with her dad but aside from that she doesn’t have it that bad, her mom cares for her and she has good friends and basically a second mother figure in Topanga and two father figures with Cory & Shawn. I hate how a lot of things were made about Maya when they didn’t need to be. She’s not a bad character and I don’t hate her but she just bugs me most of the time.

Miranda Sanchez:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: I love her style and she’s a great friend 
 worst quality: idk 
 ship them with: No one 
 brotp them with: Lizzie
 needs to stay away from: No one 
 misc. thoughts: I love Miranda’s character. She had great style and was fun and interesting and had good storylines. I wish they didn’t write her off :( the movie would have been even better with her in it.

Tori Santamaria:

general opinion: they’re fine I guess 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she was a good friend to Tristan and Maya 
 worst quality: she was kind of too clingy with Zig tbh
 ship them with: Adam 
 brotp them with: Tristan 
 needs to stay away from: Zig
 misc. thoughts: I didn’t like her in s11 she was way too clingy with Zig like 50 messages really? And the way she treated Maya out of jealousy for awhile. But she was more likable in s12. I wish she had a better storyline. And that her characrer didn’t just revolve around her obsession with Zig.

Holly J Sinclair:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s determined, strong, and powerful 
 worst quality: her bitchiness in s7-8
 ship them with: Declan(s9), Sav, & Spinner
 brotp them with: Fiona
 needs to stay away from: N/A
 misc. thoughts: I didn’t like her in s7-8 but I grew to love her character & she became one of my favorites. She had one of the best character developments. I loved her storylines in s10 & 11. & I loved her friendship with Fiona.

Marisol Lewis:

general opinion: like them! 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: idk 
 worst quality: her rudeness in s11
 ship them with: Mo, KC, & Jake
brotp them with: No one
 needs to stay away from: No one
 misc. thoughts: I liked her character, especially when she started dating Mo because she became nicer. I mainly liked her in season 12. I wish she had her own storyline. As much as I love Morisol it bugged me that his diabetes storyline was from her POV and only lasted 2 episodes.

Imogen Moreno:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she doesn’t care what people think of her 
 worst quality: idk lol
 ship them with: Fiona, Jack, Adam, Drew, Becky, & Dallas
 brotp them with: Becky
 needs to stay away from: Eli
 misc. thoughts: I love Imogens character. I loved how quirky and unique she was and I loved her style. I wish she either wasn’t held back or had better storylines in s13-14 (preferably the latter) because they wasted her potential. Her storyline with her dad should have been continued or he at least should have been mentioned. But I still loved her and I wish she got to have a happier ending. Both proms she went to she lost her girlfriend, I know it was Imogen’s choice both times but it’s still sad.

Mia Jones:

general opinion: don’t like them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s pretty 
 worst quality: she’s annoying ASF and an irresponsible mother 
 ship them with: Danny
 brotp them with: Anya
 needs to stay away from: JT & Peter
 misc. thoughts: I actually kind of liked her in s7 but she annoyed the shit out of me in s6 and s8. Her storylines were terrible and unrealistic, the one person I liked her with she screwed over, she was an irresponsible mother, terrible at prioritizing…I’m so glad she was written off.

Ellie Nash:

general opinion: like them! | love them 
 hotness level: gorgeous! 

best quality: she’s pretty strong and tough 
despite being through a lot

worst quality: she can be kind of rude sometimes 
 ship them with: Craig & Sean
 brotp them with: Marco 
 needs to stay away from: Jesse
 misc. thoughts: I loved Ellie’s character. She had great storylines in s3-4. I loved her style too. I didn’t like the way they wrote her in s6-7 but still loved her regardless. I wish she was in the reunion episode.

Thanks for all these this was hard lol but fun. :P Btw I skipped the hogwarts houses cuz idk how to do those lol.

[in-the-bookish-dark]

Snake Charms - RL

My brother Kyle and I had been throwing the football around in the front yard and were resting when he brought up our neighbor again.  The McKellan’s stupid terrier had come yapping at us while we were throwing, so we were playing keep away from it.  It would race back and forth, but still wouldn’t shut up until we put the football on the ground.  Then it lost interest and ran off.

“They should keep that mutt inside before someone gets tired of it and barbeques it, right, Timmy?”

“Don’t call me Timmy!

“Alright, Timmy Tim McTimmerson, I won’t call you Timmy anymore.  So anyway, Timford, about Ms. Naylor …”

“You’re so full of it, Kyle.”

“Full of what, Timbert?”

“You know … bs.”

“You mean bullshit? Come on, little Timosaurus, mommy’s not here. You can say big boy words without worrying about getting spankies.”

“I’m not … shut up, butthole.”

“There ya go. Now would I steer you wrong?”

“Always.”

“Hey, that time in kindergarten doesn’t count. Or all the other times. Besides, you’re a fourth grader now. You’re almost an almost man. At very least, you’re almost a real boy."

“I don’t care – she’s not part snake. That’s just stupid!”

“I have proof.”

“You can’t have proof because it’s not true.”

“I have pictures of piles of old snake skin she pulled off – just sitting in her garage. One piece is shaped like a foot and even has a piece of toenail attached.  You remember that first time she had me mow her lawn ‘cause her mower was broken?”

I did remember that.  Not that it helped his case any.  Miss Naylor was about the first customer he had when he started earning summer money by mowing lawns in April.  Pretty good for an eighth grader, but he was tall and friendly and talkative and that got people trusting him easily.  Plus, people knew her and liked her perfect yard, so if he was alright with her, they figured he was alright.

“You still don't believe me?  Here, I’ll show you the pictures.”

“That’s stupid.”

He swiped his cell phone and opened up straight to the pictures.  Dark garage, dark garage with a wall of lawn equipment, dark garage with trash bins and a really bright window, dark garage with really bright window and rolls of bubble wrap on the floor, but it didn’t look exactly like bubble wrap.  He saw my reaction and went on to the next picture.  His flash was on for this one and sure enough, that looked like sheets of snake skin. Big sheets.

“Yeah, ok, so she has a snake.”

“No snake. You could ask her.”

I didn’t say anything, and neither did he.  After waiting a moment, he got up from the ground and brushed his pants.

“Go ask her, squirt, and then you’ll believe me.”

Three days later, I was at our neighbor’s door with my best friend Steve and the perfect plan.  We’d tell her that Steve's cat is missing and we’re asking around, has anyone seen it and all that, then we’ll say we hope nobody’s pet snake has eaten it and see what she says.

One ring of the doorbell and a pause, and I was ready to go. Away. Steve grabbed my arm as I turned to run and said “I hear footsteps” and that just made me want to leave more – and faster.

She opened the door and I suddenly wished I was twenty years older, or at least in puberty and had some clue what to do with it.  I had no idea what sex is like, but I was pretty certain it involved her. She smelled like flowers and coconut milk and her blouse was open just a little narrow bit, but it went down almost to her bra.

“Yes ……..?”

I realized that I was supposed to be talking, saying something meaningful with words, but didn’t have a clue what I was supposed to be talking about.  Suddenly, I erupted. “Do you have a snake?  I mean we think we saw a snake loose in your yard, and was wondering if maybe one of yours got away.”

Her eyebrows squeezed together. “A snake in my yard?” She glanced toward the back of her house, and I realized she was thinking we’d been peeking at her in her back yard.

“In the front yard, ma’am.  Over there, and then it was gone.” I pointed somewhere to the left, between our houses.

She gave me a funny smile, though, and said, “No – I don’t have any snakes – and I’m not missing any, either.”  She looked over at Steve, who had been openly staring at her breasts the entire time.  She glanced down at them, then up at me, then back at Steve, then back at me again.

Her smile got a little tighter and she said, “Y’all two run along now” and as she was closing the door, I heard her mutter “... boys and men, they just get younger …” to herself.

I caught my brother later and told him that she has no snakes, like it somehow proved my point, but he saw through it.  “Yeah. I know, Sherlock. Now let’s talk more about the skins.”

Like good detectives, we looked at the pictures of the skins again, zoom in and zoom out, and he even printed one off of his computer.  “C’mere” he said to me.

So I followed him to our back yard and we peeked between slats of the wooden fence between our yard and hers.  We looked straight out on to her lawn and the edge of her patio area.  She was actually out there, getting ready to tan, and she had smeared lotion on her body.  Her body was ... well, just what young boys dream about.

“What are snakes, Timmy?”

“They are … huh?” I didn’t know what he was asking, what he wanted me to say there.

“ … cold-blooded. They're cold-blooded, simp. And what do cold-blooded animals do to stay warm?”

“They lay in the sun.”

“Uh-huh. And what’s she about to do, Timmy?”

“Lay in the sun.”  I made the “you’re still an idiot” face, but he didn’t back down.

I walked away, but Kyle stayed at the fence, watching her.

That night, I had a dream that my friends and I were playing out in her back yard, throwing the football around.  I tossed it to my friend Danny and it bounced into a big bunch of bushes.  She didn’t really have bushes like that, but in the dream, she did.  We waited, but Danny didn’t come back out.  We waited a little longer and we started calling him, but still no Danny.  We figured he was playing a trick on us, so we all went over to the bushes and looked in.  Not too far back was the ball, punctured flat and covered in slime.  We were scared, but we went in looking for Danny.  We kept going back and back and back in this endless bunch of bushes until we came to a clearing and there was Miss Naylor. She was laying on a rock in just her bikini bottoms, and soaking up the sun, and she had got the most enormous belly I’d ever seen, in a dream or out. Danny’s clothes were nicely folded right next to her, with his underwear on top. She turned to look at us, and her jaw was hanging open wide.  It snapped shut and she said, “Can I help you boys with something?  I just had lunch, but I can give you a snack” and she started throwing handfuls of mice at us.

I woke up before any of the mice hit me.

I thought about that dream most of the next day, and when I wasn’t thinking about it, I was thinking about her, no mice or enormous belly, just her and her bikini.

After that, a couple of days went by, and Kyle had been watching me the whole time, waiting for me to say something.

After dinner, we were taking out the garbage bins when I told him. "I want to see them myself."

"Heh-heh, yeah, I wanna see ‘em too.  Oh, you mean the skins? You’re startin' to see the light, huh, poindexter?"

I sneered at him. "Yes, the skins, you pervert. I just wanna see them myself."

"I'll take you tomorrow.  I'll tell her I think I left something in her garage and you're going to help me look for it. A wrench or something."

I had another dream about her that night. She was sunbathing and every now and then, she peeled a layer of skin off and rubbed her whole body down with sunscreen. Her whole body - bikini area and all.

I woke up really not wanting to go to school.  I didn't even want to get out of bed.  I wasn’t sick. but I didn't feel right.  All that got me, though, was one of those looks from mom, so I went to school.

I was sitting at the dining room table doing homework when Kyle came in and slapped me on my arm.  "Come on, sparky. Let’s go before it gets dark. I worry about you, and I don't want you to be in the garage after dark."

We were walking up the driveway when he said "Hey-hey-hey … better idea. I'll keep her busy at the front door and you go check out the skins.  I know she leaves the side door on the garage unlocked after she’s home – the one facing the yard."

That sounded even better to me, so while he continued to the front door, I snuck down the side of the house, and under her carport.  The big door was wide open, but it was also completely exposed to view.  I gave Kyle time to knock on the door and for her to start that way. I counted to ten, then ran between the kitchen windows and the garage and slipped inside.

There were two windows on the side of the garage facing her yard and the skins weren’t under the first one. I found them on a shelf under the second window.  They were stretched out over long plank shelves just under the window.  They were smaller than they looked in the pictures – the longest maybe two feet long - but they were still from something big.  There were also long tubes of skin and some random patches.  It was all flat, as far as I can see.  Nothing like Kyle was saying – no hand or foot shapes in the skins.  I tried to picture her arms.  I tried to imagine her legs.  I knew it was stupid, but I could imagine where each of these pieces might have come from.  At the end of the top shelf were what had to be rattlesnake rattles, and big ones, too, I was sure.  I was feeling around on the lower shelves and still trying to keep watch out the side window when I heard “Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch!” I ducked down and held my breath until I realized it was the sound of the big impact sprinkler in our back yard starting up.  I reached over and touch the rattles just to make sure they were still there, though, and not magically reattached to a snake. My fingers were suddenly a little shaky, and my knees felt like I’d just spent half an hour running bleachers.

On the far end of the third shelf, there was a piece about as wide as my hand and maybe a little longer. I ran my fingers down it and around the edges.  It was thin, like a little slice of air folded over itself.  I ran two fingers back and forth, stroking it.  My eyes were closed and I was just imagining … the imagining was working so well that it was like she was standing there in front of me.  It was soft and silky to the touch and I could practically smell the milk and flowers from her perfume.

The smell just hung there in the air as I caressed the skin with my fingertips, and then the light changed in the window. A shadow crosseed left to right, then back to the center.  I knew I was done for.

She spoke. “What in the ~” and I stumbled out of there. The rest of the words must’ve just bounced off the window or fallen out on the floor, ‘cause they sure didn’t make it to my ears.  I skidded a little getting started, like a stupid cartoon character, and part of me just knew that she was going to wrap her tail around me and drag me under her Tahoe.  I swear to God I would’ve peed, if there had been any in my body at the moment.  Right before Kyle had come to get me, I’d gone, so I was dry. Fortunately.  So, other than the pea gravel on the garage floor, there was nothing to slow me down and distract me.  I barreled down the length of her Tahoe and jumped over a pile of lawn bags next to the garage door, and just kept going.  I didn’t even stop at our house, but ran three houses down to the end of the block, then looped around behind the Simpson’s big bushes.  I waited and listened for a slithering sound, even though I knew she’d never chase me like a snake.  “It’s five o’clock in the afternoon, stupid.  She’s not going to change into a snake in the middle of the street in the middle of the day. Moron.”  Somehow, that made me feel better, like everything was going to go back to “normal” and start to make sense again.

I sat there for a good ten minutes, expecting the Simpson’s to come give me heck for messing around in their shrubs, but they never appeared, and I never even saw their curtains move.  Finally, I slunk back home and went in the house on the far side, away from Miss Naylor’s house.

Kyle had to have waited forever for me to come back, because the moment I went into the hall from the kitchen, Kyle jumped out at me.  “Boo! She’s gonna swallow you whole!”  He laughed and laughed while I pounded him pointlessly with my fists.  I’ll admit I cried a little, just from being so mad.  Honestly, I’m so stupid that I didn’t realize I was being set up until right that moment.

Once he stopped laughing, though, it was like it had never happened.  He got up and tugged me up, called me Squirt, and told me to help set the table.

That night, in my room, I was changing into pajamas when I found that palm-sized piece of snake skin in my pocket.  I hadn’t even realized I’d tucked it away.  That scared the crap out of me, even while, at the same time, I was pleased.  I had a trophy.  She might come for me in the middle of the night, kill me and take it back, but for the rest of the day, I had a trophy.  I took my trophy and slipped it into an old sandwich bag and hid it under my dress socks.

I laid in my bed for a while, listening for the wrong kind of sounds in the house, or outside my window.  I imagined what those sounds would be, and what she’d have to be doing to make them.  I shivered, but I also was excited.  I mean parts of me were excited, you know.  I got up after laying there forever, and it was only 11:20, but it felt like almost time to get up, I was so awake and so tired at the same time.  I went in to pee, sneaking down the hall so I didn’t wake Kyle or attract attention from my parents, or get eaten by our neighbor, then came straight back.

Before tumbling back into bed, I dug the skin out of my sock drawer.  I held it up to the pale light coming in through the window.  I smelled it.  I ran my fingers down it and tried to go back up, but it’s against the grain.  I fell asleep rubbing it slowly down my arm again and again and again.

In the morning, when I woke up, it was flattened between my cheek and pillow, and I was sure it had left sleep marks on my face, but the first thing I noticed was the smell, then I reached up and felt its texture again.  It was Saturday morning, and I didn’t have to get up any particular time, so I just laid there, running it all over my body, and just as it was starting to get very personal, my mom knocked on the door and immediately walked in.  I knew she couldn’t see anything, but I knew she was already mad at me.  She never looked over her glasses us like that unless we were already in serious trouble about something.  She stood over my bed and gave me the third degree about “ransacking our neighbor’s garage in search of God knows what” and I knew better than to either argue or try to explain.

“Did she come over ~”

“No, young man, I haven’t seen any sign of her so far this morning.  Your brother was concerned about what you were doing and filled me in on everything this morning over breakfast, which you missed.”

I started to open my mouth, then remembered there was nothing I could say right then that was useful or helpful or productive or not going to get my head taken off.

I nodded and kept nodding for a while as her lecture wound down.

The only thing I could really do to redeem myself at that point – start redeeming myself anyway – was to take the initiative.

“Yeah, so I feel bad about yesterday, and I think I should go over and …”

I didn’t know what it was I was supposed to do.  The right step to start with was apologize, but that was only going to get me partial credit.  What else did I want to say?

“ … apologize and ask her if there’s something I can do to make up for it.”  I said the words, but as they came out, they chilled me.  Offering to spend time in the snake lady’s yard, letting her size me up and decide what kind of snack I would make, was just terrifying.  I wanted to not believe any of this, but part of me I knew was going to insist on it, whatever I might say.  Plus, as much as I was dreading going back and committing to spending time there, I was also excited in a creepy kind of way.  That would let me spend time around the skins, and around her boobs, and I knew Steve was going to be jealous.  Heck, every boy I knew was going to be jealous of getting to spend time around her – however much time was necessary.

So, yeah, I was excited and terrified when I crossed over into her yard.  She opened the door in a tank top that was even more distracting than her blouse the day before.  I looked directly into her eyes, and tried hard to focus on her face, but there was part of my brain that only was aware of what was dangling not far from my face.

“Uhh … I just came over to apologize for being in your garage yesterday.  I wasn’t stealing anything. I was … looking … for …” seriously – was I going to tell her I was looking for evidence she was a snake woman?  “… my baseball.  We were playing catch and I thought … and we lost it and I thought maybe it had gone in there, since the door was open and all … and my brother was supposed to be asking if it was okay.”

“Your brother?”

“When he went to your door.”

“He never came to my door yesterday, umm ….” She left the sentence hanging. She wanted me to add my name at the end.  “Why don’t you come in, uhh …?”

“Uhh … Tim. It’s Tim or Timmy, but I really should be going.”

“It’s okay, Tim, I just made pizza and you can have a slice while you explain.”

It did smell really good, so obviously I was going in.  I could have pizza and be around her boobs and the only risk was my life and maybe my eternal soul?  Easy decision.

Walking through the foyer to the kitchen, my own brilliance struck me full in the face, “My mom knows I’m over here.”

“Uhhh … okay, Tim … good for her.”

“Well, you know, ‘cause … umm … I don’t know.” I can’t think of an excuse for saying that, so I just quit. What could I say? “Uh, just in case you are a snake lady that eats little boys, someone knows where I am.”

“She sent you over to apologize, is what you’re saying?”

“Yeah, I mean … yeah, that’s what I was trying to say.”

“Uh-huh …”

Why’d she hand me the line if she wasn’t going to believe it?

We sat and ate pizza, which, it turned out, really had just come out of the oven and wasn’t some kind of trick to lure me in to my death.

We talked about why I was in the garage, and I stuck with the baseball story, and she seemed okay with that.  I was pretty sure she though the real reason I’d snuck into her garage and was hanging out by the window was I wanted to watch her sunbathe.  As long as she wasn’t mad about that, I figured it was safe to let it go.  We also talked about big brothers and what a pain in the butt they are.  She gestured a lot while she talked, and I watched-without-watching a lot as she jiggled with each gesture.

I couldn’t help notice, though, how wide her mouth opened and how much pizza she could bite off whenever she took a bite. She never did bite off a lot, but it was like she was ready to. That made my heart race a little.  She chewed slowly before swallowing, and then dabbed the corners of her mouth with her napkin.  She’d take a little sip of her Diet Coke, and then dab her lips again.  There was never anything there, and she never even messed up her lipstick, not in the eating or the drinking or the dabbing. It was as perfect at the end as it was when we started.

I offered to do chores for her to make up for being in her garage without permission, but she just laughed and said that wouldn’t be necessary.  She gave me that look again as she said it, the “I know what you really are wanting to do in my yard” look.

I had two pieces and I thanked her, then I washed it down with the rest of my Dr Pepper, and jumped from the table and raced out.  I didn’t need her seeing me to the door – or seeing anything else for that matter.  She’d never let a little perv like me in her yard again.

Mom gave me the third degree when I got back and made me promise I was telling the truth about being invited in for pizza and her not even wanting me to do anything for her as penance.

That night, I was lying in bed, trying to shut my brain down, when I reached over for the skin on my bedside table.  It was cool and silky, but it warmed up fast.  It was just a little more dried out than the day before, but it still felt good.  I thought about her as I rubbed it on my cheeks and my boner came back – the one the made me run out of her house in a panic.  The skin felt so good on my face, I started rubbing it on my chest and arms, and I imagined it was her hand that was rubbing me, touching me.  My window was open and the moonlight and the wind were coming in.  I imagined her coming in silently through the window, shushing me as she got to my bed, her snakey hand caressing me, her fingers wrapping around my arm in a way only she could, and then she’d kiss me and slide her hand into my shorts.  I must’ve fallen asleep right then, and taken my fantasy into the dream.  My eyes were open.  Her hand was moving around in my shorts, caressing me like she had a hundred fingers all wiggling and swirling around, and her breasts swayed back and forth in the moonlight.  She stroked me and kissed me and flicked me with a snakey tongue.  Just before I … you know … her other hand, with its really long and slender fingers, wrapped itself all the way around my throat and tightened a little.  She said, “Never tell, Timmy. Never-ever” and her fingers tightened more.  She kept tightening them around my neck, and shaking her head.  She said, “It can be our secret” just as I closed my eyes and exploded in my shorts.

That was the first time, ever, I’d had that happen. If I’d known it just took a little of the right kind of stroking, I’d have discovered it by the time I was three.  I just laid there, with my eyes closed, and my breath slowly catching up.  The breeze smelled like flowers and coconut milk.  I drifted off to sleep. When I woke next morning, I couldn’t find the snake skin for a moment, then I remembered.

I had that dream a lot over the next couple of years, and went through a number of snake skins. Miss Naylor moved to Houston when I was in 7th grade and got married to a herpetologist.  Go figure.  In fact, I ran into her and her husband years later at a Texas herpetologist conference where I was presenting a paper.  Imagine that.

[recentanimenews]

THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH Prepares for Battle In Episodes 16-20

Hello again, and welcome to the penultimate installment of the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH hosted by me, David Lynn! Last time on Re:Zero, everything fell apart in spectacular fashion for Subaru, and he hasn't taken it well. This week we venture further into Subaru's self-destructive tendencies that last week established, but end up moving toward a resolution every party may be happy with. Most satisfylingly, the issues with Subaru that commenters Pure6Evil and Heavenspiercing brought up last week come to the forefront with the developments here. But how does our panel feel about it? Let's find out!

    Let’s start with the biggest moment, the entirety of episode 18. Subaru’s self-destructive arc ever since the royal selection began comes to a head, and both he and Rem are forced to face their issues. Was this a satisfying payoff for you?

Kara: Yes… and no? From a purely fictional standpoint I really love the scene. The voice actors did an amazing job, Rem’s description of a happy life with Subaru got me in the heart, and it really did seem to be cathartic. If these were two of my real-world friends, I would probably bop Subaru in the head for asking Rem to be his #1 cheerleader right after the bait-and-switch he pulled on her, then take Rem out for margaritas and teach her how to be a good friend to him that still calls him out on his BS.

Paul: I'm glad that Subaru is finally addressing his personality problems, which he admits stems from a deep-seated sense of self-loathing. I'm less satisfied with Rem being there to prop him up. Social support is great when you're dealing with these kind of issues, but it felt like Rem was going beyond that, to the point where she was almost volunteering to annihilate her own self-hood for Subaru's sake, and that's not ideal. At least she shot down the idea of them running away together.

Noelle: I’m mixed on this. On one hand, Subaru being honest with himself, that he’s not a hero, that he is well aware of his flaws and how deeply rooted they are, that’s pretty good! A lot of this segment was him lashing out at things not going the way he ideally wanted, and being able to admit his own flaws was satisfying. Acknowledging faults is the best way to start working past them! Rem talking about how happy Subaru makes her is very sweet, letting herself have some personal happiness. But that Subaru instantly gets better and more charismatic after a girl gives him her love… that’s not really such a good look. Subaru’s problems run deep, and having a heroine in his life that loves him shouldn’t instantly change things around. And it doesn’t! Subaru still feels like the same person, self-hate or no! Give him more confidence, sure, but the way things were handled didn’t leave me too pleased.

Kevin: In short, that conversation is fighting for my favorite moment in the entire show. It does go a bit too over the top with Rem’s later parts, both in terms of animation (why so many birds? Where did they come from?!) and her actual confession, but any time that two characters have a conversation for 15 minutes and it’s engaging almost the entire time, clearly the show’s doing something right.

Joshua: This moment really was a long time coming for Subaru. After shouldering so much pain and trauma from the time loops, it was inevitable that the emotional pot was going to boil over, and spill out. While it’s easy for us and other characters to criticise him, Subaru’s admission that he hates himself was painful to watch. He’s made monumental mistakes like at the royal selection, but he’s also shouldering a lot of blame he can’t even tell anyone about. Having to watch loved ones die over and over, struggling to save them only to fail again at the next stage… I don’t blame him for wanting out. As Rem said though, that wouldn’t be the Subaru she loves. Rem countering Subaru’s self-loathing by pointing out what she loves about him was so sweet and moving. That whole scene was beautiful and a definite highlight of the series for me, although the “I love Emilia” line that sent the fanbase into a rage, sure did end it on a bum note. I just wish Rem could find someone who will reciprocate the love she deserves, because while she may be a demon, she’s an absolute angel.

Jared: I think for me, I don’t know that he’s actually done anything to improve himself. Having a big vent session like that can be cathartic when you’re bottling up all kinds of emotions like he clearly is, but trying to justify all the crappy things he did by saying he hates himself doesn’t do a whole lot for me. The fact that he has an idea where this all comes from is good. He just now has to actually learn from what he did and that’s where I don’t know that he’s actually come to that conclusion or even had it cross his mind. Considering by the end of it he’s back to thinking he’s the only one that can be the hero and save everything. It all just seems like an excuse for him to show why he’s been a complete turd and then have him do nothing to show that he’s going to improve in any sort of way.

Carolyn: I hated it at first. Rem was being super sweet and supportive and Subaru was being extremely self-centered even in his admission that he hates himself. She was telling him how she sees him and he kept turning it around to his own feelings. I loved it when she called him out a little bit… and then absolutely hated it again when she decided to cheer him on when he completely stomped on her heart.

Danni: I’m real glad this little character arc is over for Subaru. I’m not going to lie, it hit real close to home when he came around and admitted he had just been overcompensating for his own self-loathing. Self-loathing is a real vicious cycle. When you spend all your time stuck in your own head you become acutely aware of your own flaws and become paranoid that everyone else is just as aware of them. It’s tough to admit your own flaws and even tougher to own up to them, which Subaru finally did. Real maturity means being able to see things outside of your own point-of-view, and that means trusting in the things the people around you see in yourself that you cannot. I think Subaru took an important step towards maturity by accepting Rem’s love for him, and he showed even more maturity by being honest with her about his own feelings. The worst thing he could have done for her is avoided her feelings or lied about his own.

Austin: Personally, yes. I’ve seen this scene a few times now since I always end up rewatching it when I go to grab screenshots from it and every single time it’s made me cry. I love their putting everything out on the table, I love their monologues and how they paint a crystal clear picture as to what’s going on in each of their heads, and I love the conclusion as the laugh about their future. I was never (and likely never will be) frustrated that he rejected Rem, since it’s clear that he was doing it out of desperation and Rem could easily tell.

  The two sides of this arc—the royal selection and the Witch’s Cult—seemed like completely unrelated events up to this point. Do you like how the show managed to pull them together at the last minute?

Kara: I kind of suspected they’d be tied together because I get very Occam’s Razor about shorter anime (I know this comes from a long-running light novel, but I’ve not read it and we only just learned about a new season). That said, I do like where this is going. I’m always interested in world-building, and this is finally getting us into the meat of a lot of things I’ve been curious about.

Paul: Are they pulled together? I still don't know why the Witch Cult is targeting Emilia specifically, or what stake—if any—they have in the royal selection. With only 5 episodes left in this season, I fear we won't see a satisfying resolution to this story-line, because there's been a whole lot of “mystery box” style set-up and not a lot of pay-off.

Noelle: I’m with Paul on this one, that it doesn’t really feel that cohesive. Several times I found myself wondering what exactly the cult wanted. While I could certainly guess, there’s nothing really concrete to confirm things so far. They’re interesting plot points separately, but it doesn’t feel like they’ve managed to mesh very much.

Kevin: I like it on a conceptual level, because it helps make the world feel more interconnected by having different factions play off of each other. On a practical level, I feel like the Cult got revealed a bit too soon, and without enough gravity. When Subaru is having multiple mental breakdowns and we learn that Felt is the last candidate to lead the country, we don’t care nearly as much about a bunch hooded guys that appeared out of nowhere.

Joshua: The curse of enjoying an adaptation of an ongoing series, is having questions but no ETA on the answers. I think given Emilia’s similarities to Satella, and the Witch Cult’s obsession with the Jealous Witch, a collision course was inevitable. I think Re:ZERO’s biggest issue right now, is a lack of focus. Why was so much time spent building up Betelguese, if the attention was going to shift to the White Whale? His only appearance in this chunk felt too throwaway given how shocking his introduction was... It still feels like early days for the royal selection though, with most of the other candidates only having brief appearances so far. Hopefully as the series goes on, things become more naturally intertwined as these plotlines grow.

Jared: It does sort of feel like they’re trying to patch it together last minute since like some of the others, I’m still not entirely sure why they’re targeting Emilia specifically. I just figured it was due to the backlash in general she’s already faced, but yeah, probably one of those things that can be boiled down to an adaptation of a long series. Sometimes these kinds of aspects get jumbled when trying to squeeze a lot into a certain set of episodes.

Carolyn: Yeah, I’m also with Paul. I’m at a loss as to how it all actually ties together. I feel like there are so many loose ends to this story! But I love it, anyway.

Danni: I’m with the others in that I don’t quite understand why she’s being targeted or what it has to do with the royal selection. I’m guessing it has something to do with her looking like the witch, therefore being guilty in their eyes of impersonation? Which begs the question of why are they only just now attacking? Was she not already well known? I always assumed she was a prominent figure already before the Royal Selection and am now realizing we don’t actually know anything about her backstory at all.

Austin: Echoing everyone else’s thoughts on it not really feeling tied together. I think with the announced second season it’ll get a chance to wrap everything together nicely, but as of now there’s plenty shrouded in mystery.

  A surprise favorite for me is Wilhelm, the knight whose wife was the strongest swordsman and was tragically killed by the White Whale. What did you think about the sudden focus he gets, and largely the shift in tone (and genre?) that the whale hunt brings?

Kara: I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about the whole White Whale thing, but seeing it evolve into what it is has been fantastic. I love Wilhelm (and all those other people) stepping forward for the hunt, and just this sheer wave of emotion people are getting. Wilhelm is the only one with a flashback, but even with the minor characters coming in, it’s clear how many people this has affected. I’ve enjoyed this a lot.

Paul: I'm still waiting for the White Whale thing to come full circle in some sense, in order to complete the Moby Dick reference. I enjoyed the flashbacks to young Wilhelm and Theresia, specifically to how her prowess completely, effortlessly overshadowed his own, and it was fun to see modern-day Wilhelm carving chunks out of his hated nemesis, but I admit all of the literary allusions gave me pause. Moby Dick is a story of self-destructive obsession, and I had no idea how an army armed with swords and spears could possibly prevail over the Re:ZERO equivalent of the Tarrasque from Dungeons & Dragons. I still don't know how they're going to salvage victory from the jaws of defeat after the conclusion of Episode 20.

Noelle: Wilhelm is straight up awesome. An old guy going absolutely ham on a gigantic monster was so, so great to watch. As for his backstory, I think I would have been fine without seeing it, because what they showed more annoyed me than endeared me. It was framed more as Wilhelm wanting his wife not to wield a sword because, what exactly? She seemed to be perfectly capable of doing so and not against it. Having her being dead and him wanting revenge was good enough without those details. Cut the flashback, and I think I would’ve been perfectly fine. The old man is taking this whale to town though, and that’s fantastic. 

Kevin: As a first time viewer, it was really cool seeing someone actually competent at fighting getting to show off. I think the last time we saw an actual fight like that was Reinhard versus Elsa in the first arc, and Reinhard only really attacked once. As a repeat viewer, it somehow got even better, because I know Wilhelm’s backstory going in, so every blow he deals has a lot more cathartic weight behind it.

  Joshua: I’ve been a huge fan of Wilhelm since the series first simulcast, but I totally forgot just how kinetic this old man is! I mean, did you see how cool he looked when he was younger? He totally puts me and my out-of-shape younger body to shame. You gotta think, his body may be grey and wrinkled now, but that badass is still inside. Wilhelm is a very noble, chivalrous spirit. Him thanking Subaru for the opportunity to avenge his wife was a brief moment, but it carried the gravitas of what that meant to him. I’d like to see more of Theresia and what brought them together though. The White Whale Hunt has added a new layer of world-building emotional death to the series that I think it really needed.

Jared: Oh man, Wilhelm ruled. I was really feeling down on the three episodes prior to the White Whale battle and that really turned things around for me. Although, I’m a sucker for big battle sequences. Plus, he made his fight sequences seem like some of the boss fights out of Metal Gear Rising and Shadow of the Colossus. What happens to him seemed kind of inevitable as he was getting all the death flags you could imagine, but I enjoyed his role and his backstory for the most part. Although the weird sexism he throws in when he learns his future wife is the swordmaster wasn’t great.

Carolyn: I love Wilhelm for sure. But I’m a little bit nervous about this big fantasy shift. We’ve had this dark, mysterious story so far and now it’s big and epic and there’s a huge battle and it’s just very different. I’m sure the next week’s episodes will make this all make sense to me. The show has been fantastic so far.

Danni: I said this at some point during the Naruto rewatch and I’ll say it again: I live for stories about old men carrying lifetimes of regret finally returning to the source of that regret for closure. I could say more, but I feel the rest is best summed up in this tweet.

Austin: I really like the focus he gets since it makes the world seem a bit more “alive” by giving the spotlight to characters who have a history in the world everyone else knows. As for the whale hunt, I love the band of everyone coming together under a common cause and my gut tells me the whale is going to end up being important later in the story.

  As we approach the final week, are there any developments you are hoping the story hits upon before it wraps up (for now)?

Kara: Like I said, we know there’s a season 2 coming. And there’s something like ten volumes of light novel? So I’m bracing myself to not get a full payoff. If there’s one thing I could wish for (and probably won’t get) it’s more information on Roswaal’s entire situation. I have so many questions.

Paul: I'd like to know, at the very least, who's responsible for siccing the Witch Cult on Emilia in the first place. That would provide a clear antagonist and a clear goal in opposing them for the second season.

Noelle: I want to know what the cult’s deal is. There are so many unanswered questions of what is the witch and why do they want to do what they do that leave me wondering. I don’t need everything to be mapped out, but the cult doesn’t really have a motive besides kill people, and I need more than that to feel the gravity of an antagonist. I don’t think everything will wrap up neatly, the royal selection in particular, but that’s okay because season 2 is incoming.

Kevin: I’m not sure there’s anything I can say that wouldn’t be spoiler-y in one way or another, so I’ll leave my thoughts about the last arc of the show for next week. I promise, I have thoughts.

Joshua: Having already seen the series, I’m hoping that I pick up on any new hints I missed the first time round that could give me an idea of what to expect in season 2.

Jared: I’d be happy with a decent cliffhanger and getting a better view of a singular antagonist than what we currently have. Stuff like Roswell, the whole royal selection process, the other candidates true intentions, and even Subaru’s goal of trying to save Emilia will probably be left on the table because of time constraints.

Carolyn: Definitely want to know what’s up with Roswaal. I have loved and been suspicious of him from his first episode. And just more of an explanation on the White Whale situation. There are three?! What is going on?

Danni: I just want to see more Beatrice. That’s all. At this rate my Betty reserves will never last me through the winter.

Austin: Back when I watched this for the first time I wanted a meaningful scene where Emilia and Subaru get a chance to talk. Like I said before, I’m hoping the second season ties everything together, so I’m pretty fine with it being this open as of now.

  And of course, what were your highs and lows this week?

Kara: High point was Wilhelm going absolutely HAM on the White Whale. I could watch that for hours. Low point was Subaru managing to convince one perfectly lovely girl who deserves better to help him in his pursuit of a completely different perfectly lovely girl who deserves better and her being like “sure.” I’ve finally realized why people are so protective of her.

Paul: My high point was Subaru admitting that he's been royally screwing up this entire time and then working up the courage to face his problems, to make amends, and to finally start using his head when confronting the obstacles before him instead of trying to brute force his way through every situation. My low point was the sinking feeling I got when I realized there's not very much screen time left for the writers to resolve all of these plot points that they've been juggling. I hope they don't just introduce a bunch of new mysteries and leave us with a cliffhanger conclusion.

Noelle: I have a few highs, one being the negotiation scenes with Subaru and the candidates. That people are not willing to help if there’s no benefit to them, that begging is often nonconductive because that relies on people’s goodwill even if helping would hurt them more than help them—those are some points I don’t see addressed very much. Also, Subaru putting together all the information he got from the candidates during his failed route to make a great negotiation. Naturally, I have to mention everyone coming together to beat up that whale. Low point: the Rem confession scene. That could’ve played out so much better. Rem, you deserve better.

Kevin: High - Dear God it’s hard to choose this week. Pretty much the entirety of episode 18 for Subaru and Rem was amazing (I cite my first answer for the week), but episode 20 for Wilhelm (and a little bit into next week’s first or second episode, if I remember correctly) balanced action and character development spectacularly while also being great on rewatch because of the extra knowledge going in. Low - “I love Emilia.” God DAMN IT, Subaru! As I put in the Rewatch chat “Episode 18, timestamp 23:23. The moment when half of the Re:Zero fanbase decided that Subaru deserves every single thing the plot throws at him.”

Joshua: This batch had so many high points. Subaru’s breakdown and Rem’s heartfelt confession is a big tentpole moment for the entire show, but smaller events like Beatrice’s pained face as she reluctantly sent Subaru to his death left a huge impression too. I also loved the use of an annoying chiptune ringtone against shots of a tense, nervous army awaiting the arrival of the White Whale. It sounds ridiculous on paper, but was so chilling in practice. Also, Crusch. Every time she was on screen was a high point. For a low point, I have to ask: where did Subaru get the authority to negotiate Roswaal’s mining rights? He’s just a house guest and Rem’s a maid, so will Roswaal return home, see the contracts and be “Argh! Not again!”, or does he pay wages with land deeds or something?

While I loved it, I also think the confession scene could have ended better. Subaru, you don’t just ask a girl to elope with you, then say you love someone else. I wish Rem had reacted to it more. Her devotion for Subaru is leading to her taking it all in stride, but she shouldn’t have to. She deserves to find someone who truly appreciates her.

Jared: High point would definitely be the White Whale battle episodes. Wilhelm being real cool during that fight was great, as was everyone else doing their best to try and that big whale down. Also, during the meeting when Subaru produces his phone and everyone looks at it and are very perplexed was a good little bit of comedy. Low points would be Subaru being a dummy. Reducing Rem to only being a character that exists because she has to love Subaru.

Carolyn: I liked the scenes where everyone just flat refused to help Subaru for their own selfish reasons while simultaneously telling him how very selfish he is. Everything involving Wilhelm was fantastic. Prequel please. For once I have a legitimate low point and not one I have to stretch for and like everyone else it’s the way Subaru promised to run away with Rem and was then like, “Yo, help me out with this other girl I actually like.” Rude.

Danni: My high point was easily watching buff Captain Ahab tearing apart his flying magic Moby Dick. My low point is Rem devoting herself entirely to Subaru. Like, I get it! You’re 17! Of course you want to devote your entire life to the dude you have a crush on! One day you’ll grow up and how to compartmentalize attraction away from love and attraction and look back on all your bold declarations of love for Subaru and think, “Oh geez. That was embarrassing huh.”

Austin: As for highs, this may sound bad but the loops of suffering Subaru goes through that lead up to the scene in episode 18 are done really well in my eyes. Between last week’s scene with Subaru and Emilia and Subaru seeing everything he cared about in this world destroyed time and time again this week, it broke him down in a way that made his request and rant to Rem really hit hard and easily one of the most unforgettable batch of episodes in any anime for me. As for lows I didn’t really notably dislike anything in this batch so I will instead complain that my favourite voice actress’ characters didn’t get more screen time (please give Anastasia more time to shine, I am definitely not biased at all).

    Counters: Weekly: Barusu - 7 Subaru Deaths - 1 Methods of Death - Freezing

Overall: Barusu - 31 Subaru Deaths - 10 How Subaru Died - Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Curse, Combination (Curse+Dismemberment), Slit Throat / Torture, Suicide, Freezing, Beheading, Freezing

Just one more week left in this whirlwind of a show! Next week will be episodes 21-25, so if you're not already caught up, be sure to finish Re:Zero by next Friday!

Here's our upcoming schedule!

- Danni will finish off the Rewatch on October 18th with episodes 21-25

  CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Episodes 11-15: Enduring Heartbreak

Episodes 6-10: From Apples To Demons

Episodes 1-5: Starting Life in Another Rewatch

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

  What are your answers to the above questions? Do you agree with Subaru's choice to pursue Emilia over Rem? Let us know in the comments!

  -----

David is on Twitter @navycherub. Ask him about whatever sports anime is airing right now.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[gossipgirl2019-blog]

Danny Trejo talks Death Race: Beyond Anarchy and more

New Post has been published on https://gr8gossip.xyz/danny-trejo-talks-death-race-beyond-anarchy-and-more/

Danny Trejo talks Death Race: Beyond Anarchy and more

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy, the fourth installment in the Death Race franchise, takes place inside an 88,000 acre enclosure known as “The Sprawl,” where over 400,000 of the worst criminals in America are held. This self-sustaining society is built on one simple premise: whoever wins the Death Race rules The Sprawl. But one winner, Frankenstein, has been ruling for far too long.

The owners of this prison hire Black Ops specialist Connor Gibson (Zach McGowan) to infiltrate the system, win the deadly car race, and overthrow Frankenstein, so Death Race can be eliminated once and for all. But in order to compete in Death Race, Gibson must prove himself worthy of a spot, and that means taking down whichever opponent comes his way.

Newcomers Zach McGowan and Danny Glover join franchise veteran Danny Trejo, who returns in Death Race: Beyond Anarchy as Goldberg. Once an inmate inside the lethal prison containment, he’s now a free man, but that doesn’t mean he’s done with the high-stakes world of Death Race just yet.

Trejo, who just might have one of the most easily recognizable faces in Hollywood, boasts over 350 film and television credits, spanning just about every genre possible. While his impressive career is certainly noteworthy, his troubled past is equally as inspiring. Trejo’s climb to stardom didn’t begin until after he served prison time in the 1960s, while struggling with a serious drug addiction. Once released, he reformed himself and became a drug counselor which ultimately led him to his first film role as an extra on Runaway Train in 1985. The rest is history.

We had the opportunity to talk to Trejo about the newest installment in this hit film franchise and much more. ~Caitlyn Clancey

This is your third Death Race movie since you joined the franchise. How do you think this new chapter, Beyond Anarchy, stands out from the rest? I think this movie is just going to blow people’s minds. It’s nonstop action, it’s just unbelievable. It’s a guy movie that women will like.

Your character Goldberg isn’t involved in all the action this time – he’s out of prison now and his scenes take place in Mexico City, far away from the Sprawl and its Death Race. Did you miss the physicality and excitement of being a part of those action scenes? Did I miss it? No, God no! It was kind of like a little rest. I mean, I do a lot of action movies so it was fun. I even got more dialogue that wasn’t just bad words (laughs).

What do you think it is about the Death Race franchise that draws people to it? You once said it has to do with the “three Bs” – babes, bullets and blood. Do you think that’s still true? You got it. That’s it – babes, bullets and blood. And now, in [Beyond Anarchy] you can put another B in there – bombs.

You’ve seen immense success in your career, particularly with Machete, arguably your most famous character, but younger audiences may actually know you better as Uncle Machete from the Spy Kids movies. (Laughs) I have to tell you this, I’m a single man. I’m elderly, I guess you would say. When a young lady comes up to me and says, “I love you in Spy Kids!” I say, “Go get your mom.”

How does it feel to know your career has allowed you to reach so many different age groups with such a variety of roles? You know what? It’s such a joy. I know other actors, they get upset about people asking for autographs and taking pictures. Myself? Honestly, every morning when I wake up I say my morning prayers: “Dear Heavenly Father, please let me have time to take every picture and sign every autograph.” What a blessing it is to make somebody’s day just by taking a picture or signing an autograph. And every actor that I’ve seen that stopped signing autographs and stopped taking pictures, I see their career kind of flounder or even their life. I think that’s one of the prices that God gives us, you know? “I’m going to do this for you, but I want you to make my people’s day.” So, I will. I’ve stopped my car and signed autographs for kids because what a blessing it is to be able to do that.

When a friend of mine found out I was interviewing you today, he asked me specifically to tell you that your cameo appearance in Muppets Most Wanted was absolutely spectacular and just might be one of the funniest scenes in the movie. Oh, that was so much fun! Me and Ray Liotta had a blast in London. We almost got arrested because we got to Buckingham Palace and everyone there is staring at us, right? And I’m a show-off, I’m an actor, so I just started yelling, “Mom! Elizabeth! Mom! Let me in, please! Remember when you were in America?” (Laughs) Oh, people were just laughing and it was really funny! I shouldn’t have done it but sometimes you can’t help yourself.

Have you ever thought about branching away from action and horror films and doing more comedic roles? Well, I’ve done some comedy and it’s fun, but for me acting is my job. Whatever comes down the pike, whatever will pay the rent … If someone says “Do you wanna do this?” Sure, if I’m not doing anything else. I’ll play a tree if they want me, and if you want to put fruit on it, pay me more money. To me, it’s just my job. It’s the same as your job, same as a painter, same as a plumber – it’s just what I do.

Your incredible acting career spans more than 30 years. In that time, you’ve played characters with some pretty amazing backgrounds, but you’ve also had an unbelievable experience yourself, going from prison to becoming one of the most prolific actors in Hollywood. How do you channel your past experiences into your performances? Acting is making people believe you’re not acting. That’s what acting is. People like to take it so much farther. Me? It’s like, the director is hired to direct me so I’ll ask him, “What do you want?” And nine times out of ten, directors love that. They’re like, “Well you know, I would like blah blah blah” and we meet in the middle and that’s fine. I know some actors get very upset when the director tries to tell them something but that’s what he’s hired for. I’m hired to act.

What can we see you in next? We got Granddaddy Daycare that’s coming out. That’s an amazing and funny comedy, that’s a funny movie. And then you can come to one of my restaurants in Los Angeles if you want – google me, Trejo’s Cantina. Or you can pick up one of my albums because I started a record company.

Death Race: Beyond Anarchy releases on DVD/Blu-ray and digital on October 2.

[eighty8tray-blog]

NBA Mock Draft 2017

NBA FINAL MOCK DRAFT 2017

Trevon Cheatham

1)Philadelphia 76ers

Markelle Fultz

Other Potential Draftees:

None

Why? Can play with the ball in his hands, or off the ball. Perfect compliment to the Ben Simmons experience that the 76ers fans and people who've never questioned #TheProcess have been waiting to see.

2)Los Angeles Lakers

Lonzo Ball

Other Potential Draftees:

De'Aaron Fox

Why? "Lonzo Ball will be drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers" and that's the bottom line because Triple BS is here to stand because LAVAR BALL SAID SO. It's also a great fit because of his playmaking and pass first mentality, in which coach Luke Walton is all for.

3)Boston Celtic

Jayson Tatum

Other Potential Draftees:

Josh Jackson, Jonathan Isaac

Why? The Celtics drafted Jaylen Brown last year and drafting Josh Jackson would be a little repetitive. Jayson Tatum can come in and score 12-15 as a rookie and take some of the scoring load off the 5'9 IT.

 4)Phoenix Suns

Josh Jackson

Other Potential Draftees:

De'Aaron Fox, Dennis Smith Jr.

Why? Perfect fit alongside Devin Booker & Chriss. TJ Warren and Josh Jackson can switch offense for defense and would work together in small ball lineups.

5)Sacramento Kings

De'Aaron Fox

Other Potential Draftees:

Josh Jackson, Jayson Tatum

Why? Everything points to this kid being a star in this league. Well almost everything. His jumper still needs work (try telling that to Lonzo Ball) but should come along with more gym time. Mike Conley at worst, John Wall at best only the Kings can mess this one up if he fell in their lap.

6)Orlando Magic

Jonathan Isaac

Other Potential Draftees:

Dennis Smith Jr, Lauri Markkanen

Why? Greek Freak. Thon Maker. Those names alone are the reason why the Orlando Magic call Isaac's name if still on the board under new GM John Hammond. Tall, lanky, athletic. Check. Check. Check.

7)Minnesota Timberwolves

Lauri Markkanen

Other Potential Draftees:

Jonathan Isaac, Malik Monk

Why? If I had to predict the first trade of the draft it would be in this slot. Thibbs is known for his defense but the best players at this pick are not his preference. Monk & Markkanen will bring offense to the table right away, but that's not exactly the problem with the Wolves. If they stand though I guess you can't go wrong with either one.

8)New York Knicks

Frank Ntilikina

Other Potential Draftees:

Malik Monk, Dennis Smith Jr.

Why? Because stars who break out for a career high 6 made field goals in the playoffs (overseas) are rare finds in the draft you know. Phil Jackson is stubborn about forcing the Knicks to play the triangle, and this guy is tall and can play defense overseas apparently. Knicks fans should be hoping the Mavericks leap frog their team so the Knicks can draft a superior talent in Dennis Smith Jr. 　

9)Dallas Mavericks

Dennis Smith Jr.

Other Potential Draftees:

Frank Ntilikina, Lauri Markkanen

Why? Yogi Ferrell, Seth Curry just ain't it. Role players at the point will only get you so far in today's NBA. Mavericks will get the steal of the draft if Smith Jr falls into their lap at 9. Rick Carslisle is one of the most underrated coaches in the league and will get everything out of this kid.

10)Sacramento Kings

Zach Collins

Other Potential Draftees:

Malik Monk, Harry Giles, Justin Jackson

Why? Best big available. Malik Monk might be too redundant to Buddy Hield to draft even with his Kentucky ties with #5 pick De'Aaron Fox. In only 17 minutes per game you Zach Collins revealed he is everything an big man needs to be in today's NBA.

11)Charlotte Hornets

Malik Monk

Other Potential Draftees:

Luke Kennard, Donovan Mitchell

Why? Every time MKG shoots a jumper a tear flows from Chuck Hayes free throws technique. Malik Monk is instant offense. Would work well with Kemba & Batum facilitating and providing him with good looks to make up for his so-so ball handling skills.

12)Detroit Pistons

Donovan Mitchell

Other Potential Draftees:

Luke Kennard, John Collins

Why? Ish Smith is a career backup, yet he started plenty of games last season for the Pistons while Reggie Jackson struggled to return to form after his surgery. Mitchell at worse is a capable defender, whom improved his outside shooting and has a chance at developing into a quality starter down the road.

13)Denver Nuggets

John Collins

Other Potential Draftees:

Bam Adebayo, Harry Giles

Why? The Nuggets need to find a athletic big to run along with Nikola Jokic. Collins judging from the workouts look the part of a finisher with the potential to spread the court, and protect the rim.

14)Miami Heat

TJ Leaf

Other Potential Draftees:

Justin Jackson, Harry Giles

Why? Defense is a question mark so putting him with one of the best defensive centers only makes sense. Luke Babbitt received plenty of playing time for the Heat last year and Leaf can easily replace him.

15)Portland Trailblazers

Bam Adebayo

Other Potential Draftees:

Harry Giles, Justin Jackson

Why? Ed Davis and Noah Vonleh are solid but aren't getting any better. Bam didn't get to show off too much in his lone year in Lexington but future may be brigther than Coach Cal may have let loose.

16)Chicago Bulls

Luke Kennard

Other Potential Draftees:

Josh Jackson, Terrance Ferguson, Jarret Allen

Why? Jimmy Butler, D.Wade & Rondo need space. Kennard may be the best shooter in this draft and the Bulls need to give into Fred Hoiberg's system and help him spread the floor.

17) Milwaukee Bucks

Harry Giles

Other Potential Draftees:

Bam Adebayo, Justin Patton

Why? Bucks have had success shooting for the stars and the moon in recent drafts and they will hope to strike again. Knee surgeries and lack of production drops Giles out of the lottery, but was one of the top prospects coming out of high school.

18)Indiana Pacers

Justin Jackson

Other Potential Draftees:

Tyler London, Terrance Ferguson

Why? Somebody is going to have to score the ball when PG13 packs his bags and heads home, or wherever he ends up before he goes home.

19)Atlanta Hawks

Justin Patton

Other Potential Draftees:

O.G Anunoby, Terrance Ferguson

Why? They let go of Dwight Howard and Paul Milsap is likely next to go. Somebody is going to need to occupy those minutes.

20)Portland Trailblazers

Isaiah Hartenstein

Other Potential Draftees:

Kyle Kuzma, Justin Patton

Why? With three draft picks in the first round the Trailblazers are likely to spend one on a player they can stash and bring over in a couple years.

21)Oklahoma City Thunder

Terrance Ferguson

Other Potential Draftees:

Justin Jackson, Harry Giles

Why? Opted to play in Australia rather than going to college and struggled. Still was highly touted coming out of high school and the Thunder hope he can regain his shooting stroke and grow into the running mate MVP Westbrook needs.

22)Brooklyn Nets

DJ Wilson

Other Potential Draftees:

O.G Anunoby, Tony Bradley

Why? Brooklyn will be paying 9 million for Trevor Booker again this year, a player who is solid but doesn't thread the needle. In DJ Wilson Nets hope to find his replacement and a player who can develop into a high end role player.

23)Toronto Raptors

Jonah Bolden

Other Potential Draftees:

Tony Bradley, Tyler London

Why? Patrick Patterson and Serge Ibaka are both free agents, and Masai Uijiri isn't afraid to take a flyer on a prospect who may turn out to be the next Greek Freak, but more than likely to be the next Bruno Caboclo.

24)Utah Jazz

Jarrett Allen

Other Potential Draftees:

Kyle Kuzma, Jawaun Evans

Why? Derrick Favors is a free agent, and his athleticism seems to be on the way. Finding a cheap replacement who can spell the Stifel Tower for short minutes should be answer here.

25)Orlando Magic

Frank Jackson

Other Potential Draftees:

Jonah Bolden, Tyler London

Why? Magic passed on drafting a PG with their sixth pick so look for them to pick up one here with their second first round pick.

26)Portland Trailblazers

Tyler London

Other Potential Draftees:

Derrick White, Tony Bradley

Why? Blazers need more shooting from their front court. Mo Harkless & Aminu are not that. Blazers draft Tyler hoping he can develop into a low ceiling Chandler Parsons.

27)Los Angeles Lakers

Derrick White

Other Potential Draftees:

Ivan Rabb, Ike Anigbogu

Why? With Nick Young and D'Angelo both on their way out the Lakers need to find players to fill out their guard rotation. A senior who can do more than one thing is a good way to start.

28)Los Angeles Lakers

Jordan Bell

Other Potential Draftees:

Josh Hart, Wesley Iwundu

  Why? Tarik Black has done all he can to prove he's a NBA player, but now it's time to find his replacement. There's no question what Jordan Bell's role will be.. defense and rebounding. Another local kid, and if all things fail you can at least say Magic has made a couple So Cal natives dream come true.

29)San Antonio Spurs

Josh Hart

Other Potential Draftees:

Derrick White, Wesley Iwundu

Why? Danny Green on the trading block with his replacement on the way. Everything about Josh Hart game, demeanor screams Spurs player. Or they will draft a player no one ever heard of, stash him, and wait for him to be the perfect system player.

 30)Utah Jazz

Kyle Kuzma

Other Potential Draftees:

Frank Mason, Semi Ojeleye

Why? Gordon Hayward and Joe Ingles are both free agents and the Jazz may be on the lookout for a potential replacement.