#David gets personal

[nerdygaymormon]

The Illusion of Choice - Therapy Session 10/17/2023

I think this is my fourth session with this therapist, and the sessions are quite unlike any other sessions I've experienced. We talk about books and philosophy and it keeps me a little off balance. I'm used to feeling like there's a plan that the therapist is guiding me through, but this feels very unstructured. It's not that I haven't made progress, but it's very interesting to experience.

One thing he does is reframes my life experiences in ways I never would have thought of, presenting me almost as a hero, and he is so convincing that I almost believe him!

Today he told me about a book he's working on, he's got 11 chapters written so far. It's about a detective in the future who from chapter to chapter meets different people and helps them find an answer to a question. In helping them find answers, the detective is also healing his own wounds. The thing is, each of these chapter is a metaphor for things people work on in therapy.

He shared a few examples with me, giving me summaries of 2 or 3 chapters. Then he asked me to come up with a concept for a chapter and a title to go with it. It's a form of narrative therapy to help me think about myself from an external perspective, a way to understand myself and my journey.

I came up with the title "Illusory Consent."

Consent is voluntary and uncoerced, it has to be authentic. The person giving consent has to be affirmative in communicating the consent, silence doesn't equal consent. Consent means being informed. Consent can be withdrawn.

The detective is perplexed that this person he encounters is upset with their choices. If this isn't what they wanted to choose, then why would they pick this? They consented to this.

But he learns that while it looks like the individual was free to make their own choice, they were manipulated. They were free to make the decision that others in their community approved of.

To ensure the "correct" choice was made, several techniques were employed, such as only being given partial information, or not being told the extent of what they were agreeing to, that agreeing to this also means agreeing to all these things. Sometimes they were emotionally manipulated by having their family brought in to express how proud they are of you for your willingness to make a certain choice and then watching expectantly as the individual is asked if that is their choice.

Is this individual really free to make a choice if not making the "right" choice will bring shame and isolation from their community? Is it a choice if they are told that God only approves of one answer? Are they really consenting to all the ramifications of that decision if they can't understand them or weren't given enough information?

But the truth the individual is learning is that they didn't actually give full consent in any of those instances. They weren't able to give consent as a child for what they would do as an adult. An adult isn't stuck forever with a commitment made by a child who couldn't possibly understand the impact of that choice. It isn't consent if the people you rely on are clear about what the only acceptable choice is. It's not consent if you understood you were agreeing to one thing but didn't know it implied agreeing to a bunch of other things. It isn't consent if you can't withdraw the consent, circumstances change and so can our choices.

If a choice is no longer serving me, I am allowed to make a different choice.

Why would someone allow themselves to remain in a situation like this where they don't feel they have the freedom to make the choices they want to make? Because an important aspect of being human is relationships. We are herd creatures; we need other people. Compromise is required. But when does it go from compromise to unhealthy? When is someone willing to sacrifice so much? Likely when they don't see any alternative that will be better than where they currently are. Fear is a big motivator to stay in abusive relationships and communities.

The detective is a loner who bounces around, meeting people and helping them. He is free to make the decisions he wants. He learns that choices have layers to them. Being in connection and community with others is meaningful and important, but also means to make your own individual choice is harder and takes more courage because it risks losing so much.

[purrvaire]

look at him with his big brown sad eyes being sad and pathetic like whatever you say babygirl im not gonna say no to those eyes

[summerlinenss]

here’s the thing.

if you’re one of the people celebrating our flag means death’s cancellation for whatever reason right now, i need you to realize that this is just a sign that whatever you love is next.

and i’m not saying that out of spite. having your favourite show cancelled is awful, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. but if our little-gay-pirate-show-that-could can’t get its third and final season, the future of queer media is extremely grim.

ofmd was the definition of a sleeper hit. hbo max had no faith in it when the first season came out. it gained popularity purely through word-of-mouth. but it became one of max’s biggest shows, and it’s since been marketed as their flagship series.

it was the #1 most in-demand series in the world for 8 weeks (7 of those weeks consecutively). it’s currently in the 99.7th percentile of the comedy genre, meaning it’s in higher demand than 99.7% of all comedy series in the u.s. it has a 94% audience and critics score on rotten tomatoes. it’s the most in-demand hbo original series even above euphoria, succession, and the last of us.

it was nominated for 16 awards for the first season alone, including a GLAAD award and a peabody award. the second season was just nominated for an art directors guild award, which it was previously nominated for and won in the same category for season one.

besides awards, ofmd is critically-acclaimed and praised for its representation (including a cast of majority queer, bipoc, and disabled characters) and themes of anti-colonialism, challenging gender norms/toxic masculinity, and self-discovery/acceptance. it also has a diverse team of directors and writers consisting of several bipoc, women, and queer/trans/non-binary people.

on top of all of this, the plan for the show all along was only ever for three seasons. david jenkins only wanted three seasons for the full romcom structure to tell ed and stede’s story. that’s it. nothing more.

this isn’t an attempt to make you care about the show. but ofmd’s cancellation isn’t just a loss for the fanbase and the cast/crew. it’s a sign that it does not matter how successful or profitable shows highlighting lgbtq+ (or otherwise inclusive) narratives are or how many big names are involved. ofmd would not have been cancelled if it were a straight romcom. they would’ve magically found the budget. but corporate greed doesn’t care about us. they have no respect for queer people or queer media. and in the age of streaming, it’s only a matter of time until we lose all of it.

[coldasicecream]

Michael Sheen appreciation post because he’s an incredible actor and portrays Aziraphale in a way no one else could and deserves nothing but love from this fandom!!!

[bunnieswithknives]

I like think David and Rowan met briefly as kids. Just the once on some kind of bring your kid to work day. They only made eye contact. Brief enough they don't remember it when they meet again later but... Idk I just think its a nice thought.

[ingravinoveritas]

David looking gorgeous in a beaded suit at the Olivier Awards tonight.

[chosetoseethebestinyou]

*RTD writing a grand finale where old companions come back and he teases a David Tennant regeneration but then he just splits in half and one of him gets to live his well deserved happily ever after*

[milfsloverblog]

How Eve Felt (NSFW)

Jane Murdstone x Fem!reader

A/N: Listen, this is just pure filth. 1500 words of porn without plot. Nothing but Jane Murdstone smut. I started this WIP months ago and thought I’d never publish it but a few of you liked the snippet I shared, so... Anyway, enjoy <3

tw: spit kink, mention of Christianity related stuff (this is how I deal with my religious trauma)

✨ AO3 LINK IN TITLE ✨

You always tried your best to keep your eyes away from your lady’s flesh when you undressed her. That night had been no different as you only looked at your fingers working on the lacing of her corset.

Jane stayed quiet for a while, her eyes never leaving your reflection in the mirror as you worked behind her.

“You did say this was your first time working as a lady’s maid, didn’t you?” She asked, her voice as stern as it usually was.

“Yes, Miss Murdstone.” You nodded and carefully peeled the corset from her, folding it before placing it by her dress on the chair.

“In that case,” She said as she turned around to face you, cocking her head a little. “I cannot help but wonder where on earth you have learnt how to undress a woman so swiftly.”

You swallowed thickly. Your eyes had caught sight of the swell of her small breasts under her chemise and it instantly made your throat go dry.

What were you supposed to tell her? Oh, well, I have undressed my fair share of women, right before laying with them.

“Well?” She insisted. “Cat got your tongue?!”

You knew then by the smirk on her face that Miss Murdstone probably had a good idea of how you’d become an expert at undressing the fairer sex.

“I suppose I'm a quick learner, my lady.” You simply answered, hoping it would satisfy the tall woman’s curiosity.

Jane narrowed her eyes, silently looking at you for a moment while the gears turned in her head.

“Take my chemise off.” She eventually ordered in a bark.

It felt like she was testing you. Sure, this was part of what a lady’s maid had to do but the way she said it, it did feel like she was testing you.

You ended up doing as you were told, silently thanking your hands for not shaking too much when you grabbed the hem of her chemise and pulled the garment over her head.

Don’t look. Don’t look. Do not look.

“Look at me.” Jane demanded, your eyes immediately snapping from your hands to her face.

“I am looking at you, Miss Murdstone.”

“Look at me the way you really wish to.” She smirked again and you were sure your thumping heartbeat could be heard throughout the whole household.

You exhaled shakily and eventually moved your gaze from her eyes to her nose, then down to her mouth. What would it be like to kiss her? To lick over the scar on her lip? To have her tongue push into your mouth?

You spent a few seconds on the length of her neck, watching her pulse point steadily move up and down. From the look of it, she didn’t seem nervous about what was happening, at least not as much as you were.

Her shoulders were next, pulling a smile from your lips. It was a funny thing, really, for a cold and metallic woman like Jane to have such an inviting freckled skin.

Your breath hitched in your throat when your eyes landed on her chest, her nipples visibly hardening as you took in her pert breasts.

“Miss Murdstone, we should not-“ You were cut off by Jane’s hand roughly grabbing hold of your face, her fingertips digging almost painfully into your cheeks.

“And who decides on what we should or should not do, hm?” She asked, using a honey-dripping voice as if she wasn’t holding you with a vice-like grip.

“You, Miss Murdstone.” You whispered barely audibly, nearly letting a whine out when she let go of your jaw.

“Good.” She gave a slight nod and sat down on the edge of the bed, her eyes never leaving yours.

Your eyes widened when you noticed that she was slowly spreading her legs. Her lips pulled in a devilish smirk seeing how your face twitched as you tried your best to keep your eyes locked on hers, knowing full well the sight that would be waiting for you if you allowed yourself to look down at her crotchless bloomers.

Jane had to admit that she was impressed by your self-restraint, many girls would have run for the door while some, fewer, would have touched her already.

“Kneel.” She barked, delighting in the way you slightly jumped at the unexpected order.

Your legs wobbled and you fell to your knees like a devotee praying at the altar. Your gaze inevitably fell on the wet pink flesh between her legs, your mouth watering at how inviting it looked.

“Well, do come closer!” Jane spoke as if she was in a hurry and for a split second you wondered if she was eager to feel you on her.

You did as you were told, crawling closer until you were kneeling between her legs and tentatively placed your hands on her covered knees. Jane raised an eyebrow at the boldness of your move but decided she would allow it.

“I assume you have done this before, haven’t you?” The woman asked, her chin never lowering as she looked down at you, making her appear even more condescending.

“Have I ever found myself between a woman’s legs? Yes. Have I ever knelt before one? No.” But I don’t mind kneeling for you. I don’t mind praying at your altar. I would spend the rest of my life on my knees if you asked me to. I do want to worship you.

“Let us make it a memorable first time, shall we?” Jane purred and her fingers took hold of your face again, gentler than they did before.

She tilted your head back as far as it would go and pried your jaws open, chuckling when you stuck your tongue out instinctively.

“Aren’t you a well-trained slut?” Jane cooed, gathering the saliva in her mouth and slowly letting it fall on your tongue, a wave of arousal coating her sex when your pupils dilated.

The older woman raised an eyebrow and, knowing exactly what was expected of you, you closed your eyes and swallowed. You couldn’t help but be reminded of your first Holy Communion when, kneeling before the priest, the sacred host had been placed on your tongue.

You almost let an Amen slip from your lips when Jane suddenly grabbed a handful of your hair and your eyes snapped back open.

“How many women have you laid with?”

“Plenty.” You admitted in a whisper, wondering how many Jane had shared her bed with.

“Prove it.” She smirked, bringing your face closer to her cunt.

You didn’t waste any more time and dipped your thumbs into the warmth between Jane’s legs, brushing the tip of one thumb over her clit to watch the way her whole body responded. Jane jerked, hips canting forward, and you hid your grin by placing a soft kiss on the milky skin of her inner thigh. The woman’s breath hitched and you wondered if it was caused by her not expecting any softness from you (or anyone else).

Keeping your fingers holding Jane open, you leaned in closer, blowing lightly over her cunt before burying your face in it. You wrapped your lips around the woman’s clit and sucked sharply, Jane’s body jolting above you as a moan tore itself from the back of her throat.

The woman opened her mouth to speak but cut herself off as you sucked harder, drawing tight circles around her clit. Moving one hand from where you had it braced around Jane’s thigh, you pushed your thumb into her entrance, tugging at her opening and massaging inside of her. The streak of moans that escaped your lady’s lips made your whole body shudder.

Then suddenly her hand snaked back in your hair, holding tightly and so close to your scalp that you felt your skin burn. Jane pressed you so deep into herself you could hardly breathe. She had taken back control of herself, and of you as well. You fisted the material of Jane’s drawers and squeezed your eyes shut as your tongue was ridden, your lady grinding herself into your mouth exactly how she wanted, how she needed.

Feverish shivers ran down your spine, your knees slowly sliding open on the wood flooring. You wished you had tucked a pillow between your legs before this began so you could ride out your own pleasure as you dripped from having your face fucked. But your lady wouldn’t have allowed it, you were quite certain she enjoyed having you squirm helplessly.

Jane’s movements became erratic, her chest quickly heaving up and down as she desperately chased her release. And then you felt it. You felt her come. You felt the cruelest woman you knew come into your mouth, her clit throbbing against your tongue as she let a single loud guttural moan out.

As the hand on the back of your head loosened its grip, you slumped against the older woman’s thigh. And as you knelt there, half of your face slick and chin dripping with Jane’s essence, you wondered - is this how Eve felt, taking the first bite of the forbidden fruit, as pomegranate juice dripped on her naked breasts from her open lips?

————————————————————————

tag list: @mysteriouslysapphic @opheliauniverse @yourlocaldisneyvillain @notinmyvocab @h-doodles @teeniegreeniebeanie @katie-bennet @willowshadenox @bikergurl5 @renravens

[buckttommy]

umm. pause. guys. guys. gay tommy has been canon this entire time. what the fuck. like. oh my god. no. like. okay. okay. so. 2x9 (hen begins), sal [deluca] is talking about his girlfriend dragging him to see twilight. he makes a homophobic joke about tommy being team jacob and tommy's like "i don't even know what that means." chimney says "he's insinuating that you're gay" and tommy blows deluca a kiss. fine. whatever. but THEN you skip to 2x12 (chimney begins), and—i stg it's a blink and you miss it moment—tommy and gerrard (racist captain) are having this conversation in the background

tommy: what about that burger place? gerrard: tommy i hate that place. hey wasn't your girlfriend supposed to come and cook us dinner? tommy: uhh. next tuesday. gerrard: promise? tommy: uhh. uh. yes. yeah. i will promise.

and it's like. number one, this sounds like a conversation they've had before. something to the tune of "hey, how come you never bring your girlfriend around" which i can't help but think was intentional considering the members of the old 118 were entirely familiar with deluca's girlfriend gina. but number two, no straight man who has a girlfriend sounds that unsure that they have a fucking girlfriend. it was very much giving "ah yes. this human lady that i love that most definitely exists. absolutely. also i like breasts." and it's just like. ok. what the fuck. like. i don't know if this was the plan all along. i don't think it was. i still maintain buck/eddie were supposed to go canon after the shooting and the powers that be got in the way. but. but. the idea that this canon queer character has been hiding in plain sight (subtext) is just. wild to me. like. i've always headcanoned tommy as gay, mostly because every character he plays seems fruity as hell. but bro. i don't think it's a headcanon anymore. and i don't think it ever has been. what the fuck.

there's also the idea that. like. so i've been watching the begins episodes again trying to figure out what, exactly, tommy's crime against the members of the 118 has been. like. he worked in a -phobic/-cist environment. he was definitely complicit in making hen/chimney feel like outsiders in their workplace yes yes all these things are true. but as far as i can tell, tommy has rarely ever actively been anything except spineless. deluca makes a homophobic joke? tommy laughs. gerrard makes a bunch of sexist and racist comments? tommy looks, but doesn't say anything to encourage (or discourage him). hen gives her monologue? he looks chagrined.

and his complicity would be absolutely shitty and inexcusable if he was just a cishet white man. no questions asked. but if — if — you view his behavior through the lens of the fact that tommy is queer himself? that tommy is, and always has been, a member of a marginalized community who felt it was easier and safer to assimilate than it was to be openly queer and have a target on his back? his behavior becomes a whole hell of a lot more understandable. yes, it's still shitty, but. there's a purpose behind it. and this idea is supported by the fact that, when gerrard leaves (flashing forward to bobby begins again), even before bobby gets there (because we always credit bobby with making the 118 the family it is today), like. the atmosphere is completely different. tommy and hen? are friendly with each other. chimney and tommy? also friendly with each other. which we also know because in 2x14 broken, he calls him up for help. which lends credibility to the idea that the problems tommy had (or thought he had) with henchim were not about them as people but more about whatever manufactured conservative boys club bullshit gerrard fostered.

and it's just like. motherfucker. bitch. what the hell. like. first of all, leave it to 9-1-1 to tell a story like this in the most subtle way possible. like if that was indeed the intended implication, i'm throwing my tv off a bridge immediately. but also. second of all. what is wrong with this show. they're crazy. i want to eat it like a loaf of bread. just shovel it in my mouth because the idea that tommy has been queer all along, that he wasn't brought back just to be a stopgap on buck's queer journey to eddie, but that he's been haunting the edges of the narrative like a gay ghost is sooo like. ohhh. okay. [throws up]. like????? okay. anyway. i'm going to be thinking about this the rest of the day.

[chaoticas-hell]

Todays useless thought that gives me great joy is Andrew, high off his ass, pacing Wymack's living room at 3 am ranting about the new guy he has a crush on and Wymack being forced to listen to it

[nerdygaymormon]

This is a text my dad sent me. I have several thoughts.

—————————

This is the first time he's told me that JC was gay. I knew this but was told a few years ago by my cousins. I met JC several times, he was very friendly, well liked, and played organ for the little congregation my grandparents attended.

One time we drove to his home, but my parents didn't allow us children out of the car, and JC came to the front door but kept it shut behind him so we wouldn't accidentally see his partner. I never saw JC bring his partner to family gatherings or even to church to hear him play the organ, isn't that sad?

Interestingly, in response to someone questioning if JC should be the branch organist, I heard my very Southern conservative grandma say, "What people do in their bedrooms is their business and no one else's." That stuck with me because that's definitely not the LDS way. I was a teenager at the time and having a bishop ask me about masturbation was something that happened a few times a year. My grandma was right, it was none of his business.

What a great thing it would've been if me and my gay cousin had known the truth about JC and able to talk with him about this and understood his life. Instead he had to hide in plain sight.

—————————

I have never spoken with my dad about a desire to have children, and several years ago I put that dream to bed, so for him to randomly bring it up is surprising.

I suppose this is an evolution in his thinking. He recognizes the unfairness of LDS teachings when applied to gay people and has developed this work around. While this seems hopeful and wonderful to him, it's problematic to me.

First of all, why are these children orphans? What traumatic thing happened to their own parents?

Secondly, current LDS practice is children can only be sealed to parents, a husband & a wife. At present, a single parent cannot be sealed to their child. Does he mean I'll also be married to a woman? In other words, he believes I won't be gay?

Third, why do I need to wait to the Millennium? Couldn't I adopt some orphans now? Isn't there a need now for them to be loved and raised?

Fourth, do I have a choice in this arrangement? What about the orphaned children, do they choose who becomes their new family? Or is this type of family arrangement required for all of us?

—————————

When people say that I'll magically be given a family after death, or that I'll be transformed to not be gay in heaven, that feels like the person is absolving themselves of any need to do anything.

There's no reason to make things better in this mortal life because things will be fixed after death. It's not necessary to wrestle with a theology that excludes queer people because queer people will not exist in heaven. It's an easy out for themselves that allows them to ignore the uncomfortable truths. And importantly, these types of comments don't provide comfort to me, the actual queer person who will be impacted by those beliefs.

Being gay is an important part of how I experience life and understand myself. My gender identity also is important for the same reasons. Stripping me of those characteristics would make me someone else, not me. By saying I won't be queer in heaven, it feels like saying they wish I wasn't queer at all, that there's something wrong about it, and they wish they didn't know me but some non-existing version of me. It would be more convenient for them if I wasn't me.

Please love me for me. Please want me to have happiness and joy in this life.

[emoryinaboat]

I cannot take early Spike seriously anymore because he spent like 12 episodes tied to a chair in Giles' house drinking blood out of a union jack mug and also every time him and Buffy are onscreen I'm reminded that they fucked hard enough to bring a building down. Also I get Rest In Peace stuck in my head.

[nipuni]

AAHHH I just finished watching Doctor Who S2 and the following special and I'm obsessed 😭 I wish I had watched this show sooner, it's wonderful!! we are loving it and we are going to watch it all 🥰

[icedhockey]

hockey players + quotes i think about daily [5/?]

[poison-into-positivity]

just learned that David Jenkins’ first show, People of Earth, aired for two seasons and was greenlit for a third, and he scripted the entire third season before the network changed its mind and cancelled it. That is fucking maddening actually.

[androgynouspenguinexpert]

love you dad