#Down Among the Z Men

[zeldasnotes]

ASTRO OBSERVATIONS 35 🛸

🛸 Venus in the 8th house might like to keep their art or source of income hidden or a secret. They might feel like art is something private and intimate. Rappers with this placement might always have the skimask on (no face no case) and painters with this might have a separate anonymous account for their paintings that nobody knows is theirs.

🛸 Asteroid Fan(151590) in the 12th or 8th house or in a scorpio or pisces degree gives a lot of secret fans.

🛸 Moon trine Venus in a mans chart makes him very comfortable with his feminine side. Often very well liked and sought after among women where they live. Men with this placement dont even have to be attractive they will still bag the baddest.

🛸 Mercury in Scorpio, Mercury/Pluto people are the kind of people to see two shady people walking towards them and in 2 seconds figure out what to say to not be robbed. They know how to deal with shady people.

🛸 Fixed star Unukalhai (22° Scorpio) shows success followed by fall. So if you have this one prominent never get to cocky when you reach success. It makes me think of the saying ”Be kind to the people you meet on your way up because you will need them on your way down.”

🛸 Look at my career asteroids post HERE and look if you have any of those asteroid conjunct especially North Node or MC. Megan Fox for example have asteroid Actor(12238) conjunct her North Node.

🛸 Eros(433) Square Psyche(16) in synastry might meet under the most inappropriate circumstances. Bumping into eachother when you cant talk like when one of you are with a parent or with a partner. Eros(433) conjunct Psyche(16) on the other hand will bump into eachother at the exact right time and place.

🛸 Abundantia(151)- (Abundance) literally means ”a large quantity of something” so check where yours is. Ive seen this in the 8th house of a lot of nepo babies.

🛸 Erato(62) means 'the awakener of desire' which is why she is so common in the charts of models and celebrities. People with this asteroid prominent are also experts at making themselves even more desireable to the public. Marilyn Monroe have this conjunct Mars in the 8th house and she was said to cut down a bit of her heel to get the wiggle walk, keep her facial hair/peach fuzz so that it reflected the light and made her more glowing. She was an expert awaking desire.

🛸 Having a lot of Neptune conjunctions in a chart especially to Sun, ASC, or MC is going outside and NOBODY notices you and the next day you go outside and EVERYONE stares. You will either be invisible or look like a celebrity depending on the day and your mood. almost never anything inbetween.

🛸 The worst year of my life was the year I had Moon conjunct Saturn in the Solar Return Chart. I swear I was put through HELL that year and it was especially women giving me a hard time.

🛸 Jay Z having his 7th house ruler conjunct Venus makes so much sense. He is considered extremely lucky. His chart ruler being neptune adds to this. Being with Beyonce seems so unreachable. I often see memes like ”If Jay Z was able to get Beyonce I shouldnt be afraid to ask my crush out” or other stuff to point out Jay Z should be lucky. With strong Venus energy to the 7th house you will get the one ”everyone wants” easily.

🛸 When I have both 7th and 8th house synastry with a person Ive noticed that only they are allowed to fight with me. Nobody else is. We can despise eachother but when they see me in trouble they will protect me over the other person.

🛸 Venus/Saturn, Venus 10th house & Capricorn Venus people are very aware of the social codes. Might be uncomfortable around people who dont ”act right”.

🛸 Scorpio and Pluto shows obsessive energy. Can shows what you are constantly thknking about without being aware of it. Scorpio Mars might be in constant competiton or constantly thinking about opps or revengeplans.

🛸 Ive noticed the same with Lilith. A constant underlaying energy that you cant escape. Lilith 2nd house are always thinking about money or money constantly comes in the way in some way like an annoying mosquito. With Lilith 8th house everything turn into something sexual. A very annoying energy.

🛸 Venus/Saturn is starting to like your appeaeance in your 20s but then it feels pointless because you needed that hotness growing up.

🛸 Some nasty rumours were spread about me in 2013 so i just checked my solar return chart for that year and i had Mercury and Dejanira conjunct MC that year.

🛸 I think I had beef with like seriously 10 different men the year I had Mars in the 8th house in the solar return chart. And it was mostly because of me saying no to them.

🛸 North Node in the 8th house often experience some kind of extremes that most people dont. Homelessness, constant loss or poverty. They are also often on Life Path 8.

🛸 Not the town player where I live whos been with EVERY girl in my town having Fama(408) conjunct both Mars and asteroid Casanova(7328).🤦‍♀️

© 2024 Zeldas Notes All Rights Reserved

[ukrfeminism]

We’ve been chatting for about half an hour when Eloise lowers her voice to a whisper. Until now she’s been confidently talking through the ups and downs of being a 19-year-old woman in a world she finds unsteady. 

She’s annoyed that, on TikTok, the advertisements she gets are keyrings with rape alarms and “stabby kitties” (a cat-shaped metal keychain with pointed ears sharp enough to cause damage), feels that modern feminism sometimes goes a bit too far, but having grown up in the age of nudes, she doesn’t really trust men. Which is unsurprising considering the story she tells me next.

“So a boy I know was asking a girl at his school for nudes,” she says, quietly. “And then when she refused, he threatened to rape her.” The boy was 14 and had recently posted an Andrew Tate video to his Instagram page, which was Eloise’s first encounter with the online influencer. 

“It said stuff like how women are your property and that it doesn’t matter if women say they’ve been sexually assaulted; if you’re with them that’s your right. I didn’t like it,” she adds.

Tate has made several appearances in the headlines this week. On Tuesday, a Romanian court rejected his appeal to ease the ban on him leaving the country as a legal case against him – in which he’s charged with human trafficking, rape and forming a criminal gang to sexually exploit women – continues. He denies all charges against him. The following day, Ipsos polling for King’s College London’s Policy Institute and the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership found that one in five men aged 16-29 who have heard of Andrew Tate have a positive view of him.

Separately – or, arguably, perhaps not – another survey published in the same week underpinned a renewed focus on the attitudes and beliefs of Generation Z, this time from the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS). The research asked just over 3,000 adults of varying ages – 50.6 per cent of whom were female – about their understanding of rape and serious sexual offences, and the law on consent, and drew troubling conclusions.

Overall, 74 per cent of people surveyed understood that it can still be rape if a victim doesn’t resist or fight back, but the number fell to just over half (53 per cent) of 18-24-year-olds who had the same understanding. Less than half of respondents from this age group recognised that victims might not report a sexual offence to police immediately, that being in a relationship or marriage doesn’t mean consent can be assumed, or that if a man has been drinking or taking drugs, he’s still responsible if he rapes someone. More than 70 per cent of over-65s recognised that even if no physical force is involved a person might not be free or able to consent to sex, compared to just 40 per cent of young people.

Previous generations have become used to hearing that rape myths and misconceptions continue to persist, but that’s precisely why this week’s grim trinity of headlines stings. “There tends to be a public assumption that things are generally always getting better,” says author and feminist campaigner Laura Bates. “Actually, views like these are incredibly widespread among young people.” 

Bates regularly works with schools, talking to pupils who often tell her that “rape is a compliment”, that “it’s not rape if she likes it” or, “it’s your boyfriend, you have to have sex with him”.

She adds: “Attitude surveys have to be taken seriously because they are a real red flag that we’re going backwards – we’re seeing much more extreme and concerning misogynistic attitudes among the youngest generations than we are among the oldest. We have to face up to that and ask, why is that happening?”

Gen Z has never been neatly contained. Growing up as the first digital natives in the chokehold of crisis – climate, Covid, cost of living – has seen them praised for their social awareness, but disenfranchised and forgotten by politics. Their extremely online nature has given them unprecedented access to the world and other people – but, of course, that’s a double-edged sword.

“The internet has made everyone’s voices louder, but that means the most misogynistic people in the world are heard more too,” says Niya Clement-Hickson, a 26-year-old marketing designer from London. He says his generation has been “kind of ruined” by social media.

“You’d be surprised at just how many people around my age will argue that Andrew Tate is not as bad as he seems.”

When I spend an hour talking to 16-year-old Tate fan Manus from Ohio on TikTok, he says exactly that. He’s relatively timid and seems unsure of what he thinks at times, but came across Tate aged 12, being drawn to his motivational speeches, humour, and attitude towards making money. “[Tate] kinda showed me how people really are in reality,” he says. On Tate’s assertions that women are the property of men, he says those beliefs are simply from the Bible (though Manus himself is Muslim).

He maintains he’s never seen Tate speak violently about women, and when I send him leaked voicenote recordings of Tate saying that he enjoyed raping a woman, Manus is certain it’s fake “probably to make him look bad”. I ask for his views on feminism and he responds that feminists now want “superiority” and “more rights”. What rights exactly? “More rights in general,” he says, vaguely.

This opinion is not a rarity – there’s a pervasive idea circling comments sections and pub corners that the pendulum has “swung too far”. “Some of us warned that when you continue to suppress their identity by telling young boys that they are inherently toxic, they’ll start acting irrational,” one comment under an Andrew Tate post this week read. But it’s not just boys who hold this idea. Early last year, a survey from Ipsos UK and the Global Institute for Women’s Leadership at King’s College London echoed this and some of Eloise’s views that feminism has gone too far. They found that 52 per cent of Gen Z and 53 per cent of millennials believe that we’re now discriminating against men. Less than half of Gen Z respondents said they defined themselves as a feminist.

Was it coincidence then, to see that shortly after the research was published in March 2023, the year of the girl was in full swing? A persistently pink summer was punctuated with girl dinners, #tradwives – modern women who believe in traditional gender roles – and stay-at-home girlfriends sharing their daily rituals on news feeds. New York magazine’s The Cut declared it “Woman in Retrograde” as the year came to a close; a cluster of reactionary elements to a significant demise of mainstream feminism.

This shift back to traditional behaviours is also present in younger men, says Niya. “A lot of guys feel that their role is all about providing money, being a protector. But they feel they deserve to get something out of the interaction. They just can’t deal with being told no.”

In terms of consent, does he hear attitudes that put women in danger? “Absolutely,” he replies. Niya didn’t learn about consent in school – “I don’t think it was ever talked about beyond ‘don’t have sex until you’re old enough’” – and thinks this is quite common for men of his age. For Maya, who’s 24 and neurodivergent, the line of consent is difficult to pinpoint and somewhat shaped by social media. There’s a “disconnect” from what she really wants – and is able to articulate – in the moment.

“I think that we do have less and less sex and more and more porn,” Niya adds. “And I think that once porn is your main and in some cases, only engagement with sex and women, then that is going to completely screw up how you see sex.”

Do all roads lead to porn? Probably. Clare McGlynn, who is a professor of law with particular expertise in sexual violence and online abuse, says: “We know that algorithms promote more extreme content, more hate – and many, many younger people, men and women, are getting this. Millions of people, as we speak, are watching mainstream online pornography that is racist, sexist, misogynist and violent in its content. Of course, it’s shaping attitudes and lives.”

“There’s certainly a pressure on young boys and men, for example, to be taking and sharing nudes – they’re part of a culture that is encouraging them to,” McGlynn explains. During a study, she looked at what material was presented on the homepage of popular sites – she found landing pages which were filled with sexually violent material. “So it’s also not them even actively choosing that material; we’re part of a culture that is grooming young men, teaching them expectations around sex – and asking them to accept and normalise it.”

What appears clear from the survey conducted by the CPS is a dangerous lack of understanding of what constitutes a crime. “I do lectures on criminal law and I’ve had students come up to me afterwards and say that they didn’t know they had been sexually assaulted or raped,” McGlynn adds.

Laura Bates says that we’re in the midst of a “crisis of sexual violence among young people”. 

“Deeply misogynistic misinformation is being spread to young people online at a rate that most people just have absolutely no idea about,” she says. “And there is a massive knock-on effect.

“Some will look at these surveys and go, well, what does attitude matter? But you have to draw a connection between these really worrying attitudes about rape and the fact that nearly 80 per cent of young people told Ofsted inspectors recently that sexual assault is normal and common in their friendship groups.”

So what can be done? More responsibility and accountability from social media companies, says Bates. Tate’s content – some of which reportedly shows him attempting to beat a woman with a belt; she later hides behind a locked door – has been viewed more than 11 billion times on TikTok, she says, adding: “That’s more than the population of the planet.” Last year, advocacy group HOPE found that more 16-17-year-old boys had watched Tate’s content than had heard of Rishi Sunak. “I think it’s really important that the government supports high quality, age-appropriate sex and relationships education,” she adds. 

Actively listening to and engaging with boys – as seen in initiatives like the state of New York’s Starting the Conversation campaign – is also important. Boys must have a safe and judgement-free environment to express themselves: the more their experiences of rape culture are internalised, the more difficult they are to see.

The Online Safety Bill, which was enacted in October last year, she says, was a missed opportunity for change. While it asks for more transparency on social media platforms and imposes sanctions for those not following the act, along with criminalising cyberflashing and sending unsolicited nude images, “it went 250 pages without mentioning women and girls once, until campaigners changed that”, Bates says.

“It’s so much more effective to focus on prevention of radicalisation than trying to unpick it once it’s happened,” she says. “Young people really are prepared to listen and prepared to change their minds, it’s just a shame this isn’t happening in every school.”

“It does make me worried about how safe the world is going to be,” says Eloise, who will begin her twenties in the summer. “What if people really start thinking that women are property again?” Then, she’s quiet again. “I really hope it can change.”

[olderthannetfic]

As someone who's been wondering why there've been so many senseless, needless arguments online about a hypothetical derth of purity in fiction and how it affects people negatively (it doesn't), now learning from several friends who are teachers (with the oldest being a uni professor) that Gen Z (27-11 yo) and Gen Alpha can't read, have poor media literacy, and soley seek fiction to reaffirm their own worldviews without curiosity and with judgement (and a lot of it). I say this as someone who is Gen Z. I'm only 26 years old, but I'm also a TA right now while I'm in grad school. it's not just the middle school and high school students. College students who should be able to do simple literary analysis cannot. Sure these issues (puritanical thinking, absent/poor parenting, lackluster curriculum, etc) have always existed, but with this in mind, it absolutely makes sense why there's so much dumb discourse over things in media that anyone with sense could separate from reality. Even simple things that you learn in elementary school at 6 years old, like "just because the story is focalized through a specific character, doesn't mean they're correct/the protagonist≠morally righteous/you're not always supposed to agree with the POV character or main characters." Maybe it really is the case that, sure some people are being deliberately obtuse, but there are also others who probably don't know.

I've seen it explained to people in fandom and on tumblr with popular series people have read or seen. No, you're not supposed to think Light Yagami is a good guy or a hero. "L is the straightforward hero in Death Note the whole time" isn't clever. It's the main text. No, you're not supposed to agree with Eren Jaeger or military fascists. "SNK is pro military and pro genocide" is just inaccurate. All the characters exhibiting those traits are killed to signal the flaws in their rhetoric. It's actually really unambiguous in that regard, not at all subtle. No, x shoujo/YA fantasy/Ya romance isn't advocating for middle school or high school girls to date men in their mid-20s. Teen girls have always fantasized about adults they find attractive, and these stories (made for and marketed to teen girls) fulfills that desire while protecting them from the possibility of that reality (an adult returning their feelings). No, it's not weird that mythological gods (but I see people mostly complaining about Greek and Egyptian ones) are related. It's purposeful. They're all related concepts and personifications of nature, which is all connected. Get over yourselves. No, it's not weird that gothic stories have incest in them. It was a common practice among aristocracy and nobility all around them world (so, not just a "white people thing"), and it typically symbolizes the decay as social norms. If you feel discomfort, then the story was successful.

On the one hand, sure. It's purity culture, ignorance, misogyny, etc. On the other hand, do the people who harp on about these actually know how to interpret stories? I'm often told "They can't read" as an explanation by others. I'm starting to think it's true, and I don't know how to combat that as someone who may be an educator down the road myself while also being involved in fandom.

--

I'd say it's about 50/50 the usual The Kids These Days scaremongering and a genuine shift.

Reading comprehension can be taught. I was taught to analyze passages in school. Students have to be open to learning, but it's not like some critical language thing you need to absorb before the age of two: a college student who's actually interested in getting better can perfectly well do so, possibly with some help or possibly just with experience.

Plenty of it is anxiety about being wrong and immoral and hurting people too. It's fundie thinking where listening and engaging means capitulating. Lots of people do slowly get over this. Many will calm down about it if they ever get the anxiety meds they so desperately need. Some would probably benefit from ceasing to self harm via social media doomscrolling or exclusively consuming attention span-destroying, FOMO-inducing garbage.

...I say as I answer tumblr asks instead of getting out of bed to start my New Year's resolutions.

[dontmeantobepoliticalbut]

Young women are more likely to identify as liberal now than at any time in the past two decades, a trend that puts them squarely at odds with young men.

44% of young women counted themselves liberal in 2021, compared to 25% of young men, according to Gallup Poll data analyzed by the Survey Center on American Life. The gender gap is the largest recorded in 24 years of polling. The finding culminates years of rising liberalism among women ages 18 to 29, without any increase among their male peers.

Several societal forces have conspired to push young women to the left in recent years, including the #MeToo movement, former President Trump, rising LGBTQ identification and, most recently, abortion policy. Slower-cooking trends in marital status and educational attainment have also nudged the needle.

“I think there is a big generational shift that happened with Generation Z women who were really coming of age in the last five years,” said Kelsy Kretschmer, a sociologist at Oregon State University who studies gender politics.

The rift between young men and women may widen further. Earlier this year, the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, a precedent that had protected abortion as a constitutional right for nearly half a century. The ruling has energized young women. New survey data, released this week, shows that 61% of young women consider abortion a critical issue, compared with 36% of all Americans.

“I would always choose a candidate that’s pro-abortion,” said Rose Merjos, 21, a government major at Wesleyan University in Connecticut who is an avowed liberal. “Almost everyone either knows someone who has had an abortion or has had one themselves. This is something everyone can relate to.”

The share of men who identify as liberal has held fairly steady for almost 25 years, according to annual Gallup surveys. Roughly one-quarter of men ages 18 to 29 term themselves liberal, year after year.

Meanwhile, among young women, liberalism has exploded. In the late 1990s and early 2000s, fewer than 30% of women identified as liberal. The liberal camp grew through the second term of former President George W. Bush. It expanded further during the tenure of former President Obama. It reached 39% in 2017 with the inauguration of Trump. In the last two years, liberalism surged anew.

“Young women today are much more liberal than young men,” Daniel Cox wrote in a June newsletter of the Survey Center on American Life, a project of the American Enterprise Institute. His work documents “a growing political rift” between young women and men.

Merjos attends a university long associated with both liberalism and activism. These days, though, she senses more of both among the women.

“In all of my government classes, there are probably two men out of 18 people,” she said. “ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union], that’s mostly women. I’m wondering if women are maybe just more inclined to be involved in the community, engaged in the community. And that liberalizes them.”

Ezra Meyer, 22, is a senior at the George Washington (GW) University who leads the College Republicans. He is a conservative on a campus that is overwhelmingly liberal and largely female. In conversations with classmates about politics, he treads lightly.

“My metric for deciding if I’m going to be friends with someone really does not come down to what their politics are,” he said. “It comes down to how tolerant they are.”

Meyer doesn’t know whether the men at GW skew more liberal or conservative than the women. But he has noticed a distinct trend among campus conservatives this fall.

“We’ve been doing a lot of recruiting of freshmen on campus,” he said. “And I would say, overwhelmingly, it has been male. The conservative females that do get involved, there’s fewer of them, but they tend to be way more passionate and way more involved.”

Several factors have liberalized the nation’s 20-something women. The most recent, and perhaps the most powerful, is #MeToo, an uprising against sexual assault, abuse and harassment that caught fire in 2017, empowering millions of women to come forward and seek justice.

The inauguration of Trump in the same year pushed more young women into the liberal column. The 45th president battled his own #MeToo allegations and proved uniquely unpopular among young, female voters. Polling in 2016 showed that only 25% of women ages 18 to 34 favored Trump, compared with 40% of same-aged men.

The rise of liberalism among young women has also marched apace with a dramatic increase in young people identifying as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer. In a recent survey, 56% of young women reported exclusive attraction to men, while three-quarters of young men said they were solely attracted to women. Prior research suggests LGBTQ Americans of all ages trend toward liberalism.

Several longer-term trends have fed the liberalization of young women as well. One is marriage. The share of women ages 18-29 who are married has fallen by half in twenty years, from 31% in 2000 to 15% in 2021, according to the National Opinion Research Center.

The growing ranks of single, 20-something women feel a sense of “linked fate,” researchers say. They gravitate toward female friends in political views, whereas married women more often mirror the politics of their spouses.

“The correlation between women’s sense of linked fate and liberal political preferences suggests that the Democratic Party will benefit” from declining marriage rates among young women, Kretschmer and two co-authors wrote in a 2017 paper for the journal Political Research Quarterly. They noted that “women make up the majority of the population and vote at high rates.”

Women also outpace men in educational attainment, a trend that dates to the 1980s. The ratio of women to men in college enrollment now stands at roughly 60 to 40, and it continues to grow. Americans who complete college are more liberal than those who do not.

“Putting off marriage, going to college, entering the workforce, women are doing that at much higher rates than they used to,” said Marc Hetherington, a professor of political science at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. “And all of those things are going to make conservatism and the Republicans significantly less attractive to women.”

In 1998, the first year of data collected by Gallup in its Social Series surveys, 28% of young men and 29% of young women identified as liberal. The gender gap in liberalism grew steadily wider in the 2000s, wider still in the 2010s. The 2021 poll yielded a 19-point spread between young men and young women, the largest on record.

“I do have some male friends that are moderate,” said Luci Paczkowski, 20, a California liberal. “And it annoys the hell out of me.”

What bothers Paczkowski about her nonliberal friends is not their centrism but her suspicion that they “do not have any clue why they are moderate. They just do not want to pick a side and, therefore, they are apathetic.”

[aj1dordinary]

y'know, im something of a roman empire myself actually

platonic!Johnny Cage x platonic!gen-z!reader; neutral!Kenshi Takahashi x platonic!reader; platonic!Raiden x platonic!reader; platonic!Kung Lao x platonic!reader; platonic!Lui Kang x platonic!reader

no beta reading we die like men. here’s another chapter even though i have like 3 papers due within 2 weeks.

after stepping out of the portal, your eyes catch first the palace setting. how its stone and marble material reached towards the sky and provided a sturdy foundation for your feet. there was clear signs of royalty with the hues of gold and purple that mingled with the color of natural scenery.

however, the view was interrupted when the armed guard replaced it. stern and well-postured, you straightened your back to replicate the menacing look. liu kang had educated you well enough before leaving so you could differentiate the two princesses among them.

johnny whistled, prepared to ruin the scenic moment immediately with that mouth of his. you elbowed him again, “not now” you mouthed.

“you should listen to your assistant more,” raiden said as Earthrealm’s chosen defender. “i’m sure she goes through a lot to keep you out of trouble.”

liu kang hummed in agreement before bowing before the princesses, addressing them as mileena and kitara. the rest of the group’s actions followed after the god.

as he went around, he introduced everyone. well, everyone except you, you stood farther back than the hand-selected fighters. but, your presence did not go unnoticed.

“and the girl?” mileena raised her eyebrow.

liu kang pursed his lips again before speaking, “a spectator, at the request of johnny cage. i assure you that she is of no threat.”

you inch back a little farther behind the pack as the attention seemed to have shifted to your meek form. thankfully, conversation was more focused on the battles that were to take place.

“i hope you are prepared raiden. our champions are determined to win.” kitana smirked.

“myself included, it’s been too long since Outworld has hailed victory.” mileena held her head high in confidence.

before you could also disgrace the group with your quick retorts, the conversation was interrupted by a guard, but clearly one of a higher ranker or importance. tanya, the future empress called her, declared that you all head to the capitol and without further hesitation, you all moving once more.

you made sure to be out of sight, realizing now just how out of place you really were in terms of stature and build. to keep your mind off things, you took out your phone and quietly did the job you were hired to do: vlog.

so as you guys paraded through the city, you whispered amongst the group and took shots of the Outworldian city. 

“so raiden give us a little pre-game interview. how do you feel as earth realm’s champion fighter? surely, everyone is gonna want a piece of you.” you shoved the lens into his face again in true paparazzi fashion. 

he flushed, you could tell the attention that he has been getting as of late was new to him, but he entertained your antics anyway.

“definitely a little nervous, but also confident. i won against three other of lui kang’s handpicked fighters so i know i have the ability.” he rubbed the back of his neck as confetti had begun raining down.

“a great insight to have raiden. i implore you to keep that same energy throughout our time here.” liu kang spoke like a proud father.

“and you kangaroo?” your low-attention span now shifted. 

the nickname always seemed to catch him off guard, so with a recollected sigh, he spoke, “pleased.”

“kung fu! ken-doll! get in on all the fun! we’re being celebrated right now.” you yelled, eager to ramp up the energy within the group.

“we are being celebrated, you just happen to be here also.” kenshi brushed past you, unwilling to give you anything else. ouch. but johnny was quick to replace him, shaking his fist like an angry old man at kenshi’s insult.

kung lao and johnny matched you energy-wise as you all declared that when raiden wins the tournament, you’d order mountains of food and create content to entertain the fans back in Earthrealm.

once a little more composed, you took notice of all the different kinds of beings there were in outworld, you also took in how it felt to be celebrated. mileena seeing the curiosity in your eyes began recanting to raiden about the history of Outworld. she even mentioned about her late father.

you cut liu kang off in the middle of him performing his diplomatic duty, “i’m sorry for your loss. must be difficult.” you provide a flat smile.

“i appreciate your gesture, but you have nothing to be sorry for. not as much as this one here…” she mutters. she stops the carriage to get off and approach a figure in the distance. in the mean time, liu kang is not ignorant to the interaction between you and mileena.

“you have lost your father too.” he spoke, his tone sympathetic. you look down, the camera no longer recording. there was no escaping the conversation with the all-knowing god.

“my mother and sister too. a home-invasion gone wrong. i wasn’t home. i never was, always afraid of missing out. so i blew them off that night when they wanted to watch a movie in favor of partying with friends.” 

silence hovered over the group despite the festival music still playing in the background. you made quick work of wiping your tears before apologizing again, scared of dampening the mood. johnny, who knew of your story when he hired you, just provided a comforting arm around your shoulder.

“so your humor is a cover-up, huh?” kenshi muttered.

“really, you want to do this right now?” johnny stood from his position in the carriage. kenshi also stood, making the carriage a little wobbly.

kung lao and raiden replaced his spot on either side, providing you with shoulders to lean on.

“now, now. we will not make a display of ignorance.” liu kang intercepted immediately, a stern tone taking over. “kenshi, now is not the time or place. johnny, not every altercation needs verbal and physical offense. i order you both to sit back down and let us carry on to Empress Sindel’s palace.” 

and so it was. mileena returned and the parade carried on as she muttered “li mei and those damned tarkatans” under her breath.

you collected yourself at the palace and stood amongst the group discussing tactics for the fights raiden would be enduring. suddenly, silence took over before johnny pushed you behind him, “red alert. stock villain incoming.”

he spoke in reference to what you would classify as demon split the crowd. his tall stature definitely struck fear deep within you. maybe now would be a good time to start praying. liu kang introduced him as general shao. his goal clear, to antagonize and belittle the group of Earthrealmers that stood before him. the others remained tall before him, but you were kept behind them out of necessary precaution.

the princesses returned and sat on their respective thrones beside Empress Sindel. there was no pause or hesitation for further introduction. she immediately began setting the stage for which raiden would take alongside his enemies.

you begin twirling your hair out of anxiety when his first opponent was introduced. the same li mei that mileena seems to distrust. you found out soon enough in empress sindel’s “motivation” speech.

then the battles commenced. each one menacing than the last. but each time raiden came out victorious. the first part of the tournament was adjourned and true to your goal, you, raiden, kung lao, and johnny made the most of the dinner that was provided. you couldn’t help but feel giddy despite the emotions you let loose earlier. maybe the relationship between Earthrealm and Outworld wasn’t as bad as kangaroo made it seem. you watch as johnny flirted with every woman at the party, as kenshi remained unbothered, and kung lao finish plate after plate. raiden and liu and seemed deep in conversation. 

that’s when the feeling returned. the one of doubt that sat deep in your stomach and extended into your throat. everyone here had a place, even in this new world. you begin picking at the remnants of food on your plate.

“i never got your name warrior.” 

you look up and notice that it was princess kitana. as instructed by lui kang, you bow before her.

“no need,” she paused. “i just want to know who you are in relation to everyone.” she sat down in the empty chair next to you.

“firstly, i am no warrior, but my name is y/n. this is more of a business trip to me than one of diplomatic relations.”

“hm. a little disappointing. but, lui kang doesn’t bring just anyone to Outworld.” she swirled a glass of exotic wine before sipping.

you chuckle, once again fully aware of how out of place you were. you don’t respond though.

“have you ever fought before?” she raised an eyebrow.

“maybe when i was younger. i took ballet, gymnastics and karate, but i lost all passion for those beginning crafts when my family… i’m sorry.” you used the napkins provided to blot at your eyes.

kitana shared a look of understanding. she even placed a hand on top of yours.

“i think you should get back into it. not only is it an excellent outlet, but,” she extended the ‘u’ for emphasis and dramatization. “i’m surrounded by brutes on a daily bases and would love some feminine company. maybe i can show you something?” she leaned in, eyeing the space around you guys for anyone lurking in your conversation. 

and how stupid would you be to deny the princess’ request. with stifled giggles and rushed footsteps, kitana grabbed your hand and rushed off to the palace quarters. sindel watched in amusement, she had the same harmless suspicion as a mother watching her daughter and a friend do some secret activity at a sleepover. 

“i won’t go too hard on you, just show you moves you can do when someone invades your space in a manner that is distasteful.” 

it only took a couple minutes for liu kang and the rest of the quartet to notice your usual cheerful and sometimes invasive presence was missing. and how lucky, you did not have to witness mileena’s moment of weakness or when general shao insulted your boys or the plans he had that had yet to be unravelled.

when you finally returned to them later that night, you were a little bruised and definitely sore, but you wouldn’t rest until you could show what you learned on a real person, someone like… a drunk johnny cage.

“how did you manage to sneak off with princess kitana?” kenshi quipped, a little dismayed that it was you of all people.

“i didn’t do anything, in fact, it was her who rizzed me up. don’t be jealous ken-doll.” you wiggled your eyebrows to piss him off further.

“well don’t leave anything to the imagination. what happened?” johnny slurred. this time, he was cosigned by a similarly drunk kung lao, leaving a blushing raiden behind.

“yeah? you wanna know?” you egged them on, leading them to their impending doom.

they nodded eagerly. “well come closer, i can’t exactly say this with so many ears leading back to the empress.” you tease.

when they approach and lean down for you to whisper into their ear, you unleashed your attack. you provide a swift uppercut to kung lao’s chin sending him flying back before he composed himself. you then quickly drop down before swinging your leg around to knock johnny off his. kung lao, the ever so competitive, charged back. this time, you used your refreshed gymnastic skills from kitana to avoid his rapid punches.

round off after round off you avoided him until you could feel your exhaustion setting in, while on your hands, you bent your knees and elbows, trying to gain enough energy to push off and drive your legs up. your heels made contact with kung lao’s chin and sent him flying back. he did not get back up, succumbing to the contact and his drunken haze.

after you sent johnny to the ground, he made no attempt to get up, his drunken state rendering him incapacitated. 

you gracefully finish the round off and put both your hands in the air as if you as if you had finished an award winning gymnastics routine.

raiden clapped, clearly amused at the current state of his friends. kenshi rolled his eyes, but had a little smirk on his face. “since johnny was so adamant about you capturing everything, you should take a photo of them now.”

“omg ken-doll, that’s the best idea you have had yet!” you squeal and proceed to whip the device out to do so.

“i see that your confidence is back on the mend. i’m happy for you. i am also glad that you are no longer running from conflict.” liu kang chuckled and pat you on the back.

raiden picked up the unconscious kung lao while kenshi attended to johnny. you all then proceeded to walk to the quarters provided to you to settle in and prepare for the next day.

“i knew i had chosen right after all.” liu kang said.

“me? chosen? you flatter me kangaroo.” you smile.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

(The Next Day)

raiden stood before empress sindel, though her daughters were missing from their standard positions. she commemorated him of his past victories and how he only had two opponents who stood before him.

you were back on the sidelines with johnny, phone already recording. you were trying so hard not to yell out “Out-Worldstar”. the jokes just write themselves really.

so imagine your surprise when she announced that kitana was to be his next opponent. slyly, you and johnny slid your phones back into your pockets and just started whistling. all of a sudden interested in the plants and decorations rather than raiders impending doom.

“come on guys, you don’t have any faith in raiden?” kung lao nudged.

“it’s not that,” johnny began. “it’s that he’s definitely going to feel it after,” you finished.

“and i will win.” kitana interjected. she looked over at you, you could tell by the crinkle in her eye, she was smiling, ready to show you what it meant to really be femme fatale.

their quarrel began and liu kang had to even stop himself from giggling as you stared at kitana with a wide mouth and a hint of fear in your eyes. she could definitely hold her own in kombat. she performed aerial flips and even put her magic skills to the test against his lightening. it was miraculous even that their fight looked as if they were floating, feet only touching the ground for a moment before attacking or blocking.

despite her flare and her fans, raiden defeated her in a split second moment of weakness. but it didn’t damper how you felt about the strength she exhibited, if anything, it only fueled the fire in you to get back into your hobbies that you discussed last night. you were determined to actually earn your position within liu kang’s entourage.

she congratulated his victory and with no moment of rest, raiders next opponent was introduced: general shao.

you, johnny, kenshi, and kung lao visibly and audibly gulped. kenshi even tugged at his collar a bit to relieve pressure. it seemed as if the ground shook as he approached the ring. you heard how he made a commotion last night by insulting Earthrealmers and their inherent weakness, so you knew he would show no mercy towards raiden.

you look around at your companions, while lui kang focused intensely on the oncoming battle, everyone else was face deep in a newspaper. this caused you to tilt your head while wearing a monotonous look upon your face.

“ok, i know we are all concerned right now, but maybe the least we can do is cheer him on during his final fight.” neurons began firing as you thought of ways to encourage raiden. then it hit you.

“no.” 

“ken-doll come onnnnn. you have to join in or else it won’t be authentic.” you begged, hugging his leg and refusing to get off despite his attempts to kick and remove you.

“i am not doing a pom-pom cheer for a fight.” he grit his teeth.

“come on man, its his last one. we either celebrate now or he dies without ever knowing we were there for him.” johnny wrapped his arm around kung lao and kenshi.

“we can be like the Jackson 5! raiden being michael, obviously” he continued.

“i can hear you guys.” raiden turned, almost embarrassed. 

“one time?” kenshi looked down at you, who was still holding on to his leg, returning his stare with puppy dog eyes, your lips wobbling.

you nodded feverishly. he sighed knowing that you have managed to knock his ego down twice now.

“ok.”

you hopped back up excitedly and immediately got your camera ready and positions set.

the kombat was long and brutal, general shao taking every attack raiden gave him and raiden doing the same. though, you do think your plan to increase raiden’s mood distracted the general at some points, allowing raiden to get some solid hits in. you could not lie, raiden’s usual shy demeanor did not match the one before you: a calm, composed, yet deadly storm. his movements also memorized you as his flash of lightning put on a show similar to that of fireworks.

and as general shao fell to the ground, it fell silent even as the ground trembled. you cheered and even entered the ring to give him a hug with the strength of a anaconda, lifting him off the ground some.

“you did it! you singlehandedly saved Earthrealm” you bounced with misplaced excitement.

“and she calls me kangaroo.” liu kang enters as well to also congratulate his champion.

sindel arose to also congratulate him before swiftly disappearing to someplace that would remain unknown to you.

“come. let us bid our hosts farewell and return to Earthrealm.” liu kang looked pleased at the state of his entourage before leading the way. 

[b7ngt4n]

The Last Remaining | Part 04

-> South Korea was left abandoned after a 'zombie' virus sweeps the nation. Left to save themselves, Y/N and a group of seven men, who she's found safety in, rely on each other to stay alive as they travel to the south side of the country on the hunt for a rumoured 'z-free' haven. But nothing is ever easy. Especially when they find it's not only just zombies they need to watch their backs for.

-> A female reader x BTS zombie apocalypse AU

-> Genre: Post-apocalyptic, action

-> Warnings for Part 4: swearing, violence

-> Word count: 2,195 words

-> Interactions are greatly appreciated xoxo 💖

Part 04: Unpleasant Ambush 🧟

The hard feeling of cold steel pressed against the back of your head made you slowly raise your hands in the air. You were usually the rebellious type, not wanting to obey without a fight. But having a gun pointed at you was not really fair now, was it?

Multiple people started yelling at once, “get down on your knees!” You didn’t hesitate to listen, feeling the gun penetrate into your head harder as a way of asserting authority. The concrete felt cold and uncomfortable against your skin. You could feel the harsh tiny rocks scrape against you from under the thin material of your tights.

Your eyes sneakily danced around as much as they could without turning your head. From the corner of your eye, you could see Yoongi with his arms raised and held at gunpoint like you. In front of you was Namjoon. He wore a serious frown on his face while staring down whoever was behind you. Out of everyone, only Namjoon could see the perpetrators as he was the only one facing them.

“Put your hands up!” the stranger yelled in a loud and threatening way. You recognised the voice belonged to a woman. She had a deep and powerful shouting voice. It reminded you of those shows you used to watch on TV of reality boot camps and the female trainers had some of the most strongest military voices you had ever heard.

Namjoon, you presumed, stared at her. She seemed to have the leadership position among the ambushers. A quality you've also noticed in Namjoon in the brief time you've known him. He raised his hands up agonizingly slow before he spoke, “we don’t want any trouble.”

“On your knees now!” she ignored him, continuing to yell commands. You could hear clicks against steel, a noise you didn't think sounded so positive.

"Alright, alright," Namjoon complied, getting onto his knees with his arms raised in the air.

“We don’t want any trouble either,” the woman spoke in a more calmer tone but still sly sounding. You heard the car engines start up again. You watched as two men quickly removed the spike strips off the road. They're faces were covered in bandanas so you could only see their eyes. Cowardly bastards, you thought.

“No hard feelings everyone!” she said in a soulful voice like this was all a game to her. You felt the gun had retrieved back and shortly later you watched Jungkook’s motorcycle and their cars speed down the tunnel, disappearing into the distance. You could hear them cheer, celebrating by pumping their fists out in victory at the stunt they just pulled.

Their cheers and the noise from the cars died down and was soon replaced with the loudest silence between the eight of you. Jin was the first to speak up.

“They took mine and my brother's car,” you could hear in his voice he was trying his best to not cry. It broke your heart having to listen to him try not break down. You never realised the cars held such significance that the entire situation just now hit differently. They weren’t just some random cars, they actually meant something more to him because they belonged to him. You watched as Jin stood up to walk away, but you could hear his sobs only grow louder the further he walked. Jimin followed shortly behind him, likely going to console him. Since when had the apocalypse, apart from the zombies, become so cruel?

“Not to be a bitch, but um... all our food and water were kinda… in there,” Taehyung broke the painful silence. He received a harsh push on the arm from Jungkook, who had a clearly annoyed expression on his face. Taehyung groaned, rubbing his arm, but stopped himself from retaliating back to avoid making the situation even worse.

You glanced between the boys who were all sitting in deep reflection and shock about what just happened. Nobody could believe that all their supplies were gone in just a matter of seconds. There were eight of you, how on Earth could you find enough to support you all?

"Oh!" you piped up, suddenly remembering as you slipped off your backpack, "I have some food and water in my bag,” showing them your bag you had previously stuffed with snacks and water bottles back in Seoul.

A soft smile slowly returned to their faces, “that’s good,” Namjoon said gently, “it’s a start.”

You felt someone rubbing your shoulder. You turned around to find Jungkook, looking at you with a proud smile on his face. "Good job," he whispered to you. A smile naturally appeared on your face from his praise. But you quickly turned around when you felt your face heat up, smile fading when you realise he was making you blush. Get it together Y/N, you thought.

"I wonder where they got their guns from," Yoongi mused aloud. Hoseok hummed, agreeing with him.

"They could've stolen it from a police station," Taehyung responded, "maybe even a military base."

"Guns could provide us good protection," Yoongi said in a suggestive tone as he glanced at Namjoon, looking like he was seeking his approval. Namjoon nodded, agreeing with Yoongi while pondering in deep thought. He was likely imagining the pros and cons of carrying around guns.

"Plus we could maybe prevent a situation like this happening again if we were armed like they were," Yoongi continued, frustration obvious in his voice as he angrily ran his hands through his hair.

"And protect ourselves better from zombies," Jungkook added. Yoongi sent him an approval nod.

Speaking of zombies, you were lucky you were inside a tunnel. There weren't any abandoned cars nor zombies since it was a concealed space. Though, there was still a likeliness they'd find you in here, being attracted by the previous sound of loud vehicle engines. You were safe for now, but being without wheels left you much more vulnerable.

"We'll go to the next town. The sun has already passed halfway so we need to find some shelter to spend the night. Our other goals are to find weapons and more food. We can figure out what to do after that," Namjoon announced in a serious voice. It was clear to you Namjoon was the dedicated leading figure around here.

"Sounds good," Hoseok replied. Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jungkook nodded in response. They all silently turned their attention to you, glancing at you.

"How do you feel about that Y/N?" Namjoon asked, wanting you to have an input too.

You met his gaze with an enthusiastic smile, "let's fucking do it," you responded firmly.

Hoseok clapped his hands together eagerly with a pleased smile, "yes, that's the spirit Y/N! I'll go tell the other two," he stood up to head to where Jimin and Jin sat isolated. Jimin was rubbing Jin on the back while he sat there with a blank expression, zoned out on the ground. It was saddening to see Jin upset.

"Alright, let's make a move," Namjoon declared. You all got up and began to make the walk out of the miserable tunnel that bought you nothing but misfortune and a stronger sense of vigilance.

It felt odd to be walking along the highway when usually you would be driving in speeds as high as 80-90 kilometres. The road was practically empty, apart from a couple of dead cars that were no use to you. But no soul in sight. Not even undead ones.

According to Yoongi and Namjoon, the next town is supposed to be Suwon if you followed the highway. But for now all you could see was mountains and bush since you were in the rural areas. It was alarming to you that you didn't know when you'd find the next town. But the boys admiring how beautiful Korea's landscape was made you forget about ever being worried as soon as you emersed yourself in the scenery too. It's only when you stop to think about how beautiful nature is that you realise how peaceful rural Korea is. Anyone could fall in love with it so easily.

"So," you started the conversation between you and Jungkook who hung at the back of the group, "how do you know them?"

Jungkook smiled to himself, "we all knew each other before the apocalypse."

"Oh really?" you marvelled. You shouldn't be so surprised. Thinking back it was obvious they all shared a bond that felt stronger than plain old friends, strong enough that even you could feel it.

"Yeah, we all met through Namjoon a few years back," he reminisced, sighing to himself as all the memories came flooding back to him, "we all just clicked instantly and have hung out all together since then."

You were impressed by their friendship, considering you've had a fair run of friends that come and go. "So were you guys all together at the beginning of all of this?"

"Yeah," Jungkook recalled, thinking back to the very traumatic day, "we were eating at a restaurant, celebrating Yoongi's birthday."

You frowned, glancing at him to find him staring down at the road. "That's so sad," is all you could say to him. You were at lost for words, unsure of the right thing to say.

Jungkook nodded in agreement, "it is. We had to camp out at a nearby supermarket for weeks until we ran out of food and water. We took Jin's car to his hometown, Gwacheon, and found his older brother there. He was the one who told us about Mokpo. He turned trying to save us."

You didn't say anything as you allowed yourself to absorb all this new information. Actually, you didn't know what to say about that. All you could do was feel for Jin. Loss is never easy. Jungkook glanced at you, smiling at the serious look on your face.

"Enough about us. What about you?" he asked.

"What do you mean about me?" you replied absent-minded.

Jungkook chuckled, nudging you playfully, "I mean like what's your story? What happened to you before we met?"

A sour look appeared on your face as the only memories you had were shit ones: every single day feeling like it lasted forever, getting your hopes up when you see a helicopter only to be let down when it disappeared again, your food and water supply shrinking as the days went by. You were depressed, anxious, and alone. It was a shit time you wished to forget.

"I stayed in my apartment for a month," you told him.

"Were you with anyone?" he questioned, curiosity getting the best of him.

"No," you answered, lips pursing into a straight line, "I was all alone."

Jungkook noticed how you got quieter, realising he may have crossed a line or two. He cursed himself out in his head for stepping past your boundaries.

"I'm sorry," he apologised, making you glance at him with a baffled expression, "That you were alone, and for bringing up something you may have not wanted to share."

You blinked profusely, nearly stuttering your words out, "no it's okay, Jungkook, you're alright," you assured him as he looked at you with a guilty frown, "yes, it is a bit hard to talk about, but I feel safe talking about it with you."

A shy smile appeared on his face as he looked away. "I ran out of food just like you guys, that's why I left. I was inside a convenience store when Kang and Gihoon found me, hit me unconscious, and took me."

"So that's those bastards' names," Jungkook fumed, jaw clenching as he clicked his knuckles.

You giggled, finding his protective nature over you endearing, "And then you found me."

He glanced at you, the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile.

"You and Jimin saved my life," you continued, staring at him with grateful eyes, "thank you Jungkook."

None of you spoke as you stared at each other. You could feel the tension growing stronger between you two the more you hung around each other. Part of you liked it, but at the same time you were scared. Scared that if you were to let him into your world and if you were to lose him one day, you would never be able to recover. Romance was such a strong thing, but it was so dangerous at the same time.

"Hey!" Taehyung shouted, causing you both to quickly turn away like nothing happened between you two. Even though there wasn't physically, there was something emotionally and spiritually. You looked at Taehyung to see he was pointing at a sign in the distance. But before you could read it he yelled it out for you, "Suwon interchange up ahead!"

"That's good. Let's get off the highway before we run into someone," Namjoon advised to which everyone hummed in agreement.

"Or zombies. The lack of zombies here is extremely suspicious," Taehyung noted, kicking at rocks as he walked.

"Finally, Hobi finished most of Y/N's snacks!" Jimin groaned, exposing Hoseok who tried to explain himself but was met with complaints and criticism, mostly from an annoyed Taehyung.

(a/n: hey my cuties thank u so much for the recent love 🤗💖 hope you guys like this one xoxo thank u for the support i appreciate it a lot 💖💖

now that i’m looking back after posting i realised i ended this part rlly shit n honestly could’ve kept going but i js wanted to post something cs i hadn’t for a couple days 🙏

to be honest i did rush thru this 😭 i did not take as much time as i should’ve to perfect and be happy w the final product ✋ so i will js point out now that i could take a few days to post parts. i know nobody has complained but js wanted to say it anyways 😊 that’s all have a lovely day mwah)

[queerbting]

ok, i know i'm a couple days late to this... but i listened to hbomberguy's video on james somerton and....... man.

i only really watched 2-3 videos of somerton's dating back 1-2 years ago, and he had long-since fallen out of my youtube recommended, but i think it's important to chronicle why i (and potentially other, especially casually-viewing, queer people) believed him, and how insidious that trust-based belief was/is. for context, i'm gen z, and the videos of his i watched were (paraphrasing, based on memory) on the "rich"/complex/intertwined history of queerness and vampires (+ the monstrous in literature and film), the connection of current unrealistic body standards among gay men to an ideal which started with the "hyper-perfect bodies" of nazi soldiers, and one last video on the tie between queer perfectionism and self-harm in film that i do not remember as well. regardless.

i.... am unsure how much my experience of queerness, especially when i was child/teenager, aligns with other people's experiences, but the majority of the media/social environments i was in, despite how non and/or loving they were, were decidedly non-queer. i was the first currently-living relative in my family to be openly queer/explore queerness as a teenager, and that meant i had to explore what queerness meant/was, on my own. i had a few queer friends as a teenager, but most of us were still coming to terms with our identities and/or had not fully formulated who we were, yet. we're much more open with each other now than we were back then. in short, that mostly meant going online and trying to find and connect with other queer people online, even if i didn't realize that's what i was reaching out for at the time. there were no queer elders around me, or if they were, i did not know they were there. i, as well as the other queer people around me, were effectively isolated from these parts of ourselves irl.

in those circumstances i think it's fairly normative to look for other sources of information, then. as i got older, the queer and queer-aligned people in my corner grew, but i was still used to the format of outsourcing knowledge from queer elders online and when i was lucky enough, in person. i had fundamentally accepted that i did not know a lot about the community i found myself apart of, or at least that i would never know as much as i thought i did (especially when it came to intersectional identities/experiences involving queerness). i had to get used to being wrong, and/or learning about perspectives that i had never even thought of/considered before due to the inherently limited nature of my own experiences.

so, when i stumbled across a video of james somerton's detailing the deep, intertwined history between queer people and vampires as depicted in literature and film, i assumed this was just another part of queer history that i had not heard about/been a part of. i think the lack of transparently cited material, in a way, made me feel like these were novel, true-to-the-queer-experience observations and/or real queer histories that had deliberately not been passed on by wider society, a history that was passed down verbally inside the queer community in spite of those which intended to suppress it. it's naive, looking back on it now (specifically how i took his narrative of queer people at face value), but i don't know how else i could have viewed it given the information/level of emotional open-ness i had at the time.

i thought of the body image video similarly— james somerton was in some ways, was a queer elder, or at least someone who i had established in my mind as more well-versed in "true" queer history/culture than i was due to the vampire video. i had never experienced life as a fat, white gay man from canada growing up with the social pressures of staying in the closet/disassociating from being perceived as queer due to issues of direct social safety. i had never downloaded grindr or seen what gay male social-sexual subcultures were like. how was i not to know that these experiences somerton described, this through-line to a history long past, were not genuine? the nazis were horrible, so why couldn't it be true that some of their aesthetic/social ideals passed on to our own negative performances of gender identity, especially in relation to unattainable masculinity?

(note: im paraphrasing my understanding of his videos here in an intentionally simplistic black/white good/bad manner, but at the time, that's what they meant to me. his videos took advantage, in part, of my lack of knowledge and reinforced/restructured concepts that were harmful and/or blatantly untrue, yet seemed socially plausible to me due to my own pre-existing moral biases)

i was watching other queer youtubers at the time, and (luckily) ended up sticking with them for much longer than i did somerton, but not insignificant portions of somerton's ideas still stuck in my mind as something "true" to the queer-historical canon. i was not immune to his lies, plagiarism, or propaganda. even when he used it to subtly bash other people, including women and other queer identities. i just assumed he knew better about the intersection of social queerness in film/specific historical contexts, and used my personal feelings of queer-communal inferiority/imbalance of information to squash the parts of myself that squirmed with discomfort at some of the things he was saying. maybe women (whether they were queer or not) did actively contribute to the suppression of queer men, and could be automatic bad actors from this point of view? maybe current beliefs on body image and fatphobia in queer male spaces did derive from n*zi propaganda absorbed by american/allied soldiers. i don't know.

my lack of knowledge surrounding queer history/identity in those specific instances caused me to dig my own shallow grave. it feels unsettling to look back on. after looking at hbomber's video, i think some of my own internalized misogyny and biphobia, even back when i was identifying as bi, and my subsequent distancing from those two facets of my identity, were in part influenced by media like the videos created by james somerton. and regardless of how i feel now (as a person who often feels more aligned with being perceived as queer/nonbinary) that's really..... fucked up.

because regardless of how i identify and feel today, knowing that part of my perception of self, as well as my perspective on queer people, queer community, and queer history comes from a person who so blatantly rips off, demeans, and misrepresents queer people and women? it feels..... really awful in a way that i can tell hasn't fully settled in my stomach yet.

and i can't help but wonder how many other young adult queer people he convinced as well, even in small ways. i feel like i was searching for understanding and acceptance, belonging in a community i didn't fully understand but wanted to align myself with, and instead i was, in part, taught to subtly mistrust and hate myself and the people around me. to insidiously dismiss and demean queer/straight women and bi people, in the way he did. to give my dignity up, to squash the internal, wary voice in my head in favor to white cis men like him, and remember that they, ultimately, know best/the most of anyone else. to trust their word like it is an untapped facet of academia, or an inherent truth of my own community— of my own identity as a bi person, a queer person, and as a woman. (and arguably my identity as an indigenous person, as it is wrapped in so much of how i love, what i believe it means to love, and how we engage in community)

i flip-flop between the differences for myself when it comes to queerness and bi-ness (queerness and lesbian-ness, as well), then between womanhood and queer expressions of gender (including and especially nonbinary/lesbian expressions of gender), and to think that a portion of what i've been internally wrestling with and trying to figure out for myself has been based off of straight up.... lies and disdain? based off of the hacked-up and stolen works of other queer people, intentionally cut of their personal unique contexts to better suit his own identity as a canadian white gay cis man who felt snubbed by women in high school?

i can't fully articulate how awful that is to realize for both myself and in consideration of the people i love, in all of its overt and subtle forms of influence.

.....and this is all with me only really watching 2 videos from the guy, arguably 3. what is it like for people who has been watching somerton's videos/keeping up with them more religiously ?? i don't know. i just know that is/has been harmful, even in subtle ways, and i wanted to record and chronicle this viewpoint, somehow. idk if anyone will see this post let alone read it due to how long it has ended up being but i hope it is helpful.

i think hbomberguy was entirely right in pointing out the directly harmful effects somerton's videos/actions have had on lgbt creators, i just couldn't also help but think of the negative impact his videos will/have had on younger lgbt people, and the way it influences the way we engage with queerness itself. good night

[atiny-for-life]

Ateez's Full Storyline Explained - Part 23

Masterlist

Youth (A-World)

I'm a bit reluctant to talk about this one since it's clearly a very personal song for both Yunho and Mingi so I will, once again, stick strictly to the visual parts of the MV and steer clear of the lyrics

We open on Yunho and Mingi running along a dirt path between two open fields toward a small wooden cabin, its windows lit up

Given the protagonists in the other two unit MVs prior to this one, we can already assume that these two are from the Halazia World as well so we won't be able to rely on any diary entries or other past knowledge outside that one MV and its associated promo-material and worldbuilding

They reach the building and Mingi peeks through one of the dusty windows and we get to look at a scene from his past

His past self, scratched up cheek and blood around the corner of his mouth, is sitting across a masked man in the shabby interior of the cabin

Speculating on the identity of the man is not yet needed as we'll get more hints toward his identity in a second; however, it is noteworthy that a gramophone can be seen on the chest of drawers - it seems music was not yet outlawed when this took place

We move on to Yunho who's also looking through another window into his past which consists of a garage-like room filled with instruments, tools, a beat-up looking car and sound-muffling rugs, boxed in by walls covered in graffiti

Since I assume they didn't have timelord-technology when they built this cabin, we can gather that they're not actually looking into these rooms but are rather thinking back to their lives in the other world - the cabin is simply a symbol of their past

It's likely, though, that it's located in the same place as their hideout back in their world since they specifically sought it out

We return to Mingi who's now being confronted by multiple masked men in a rather run-down looking police interrogation room

It could be that these guys are working directly under Henry Jo - elites, maybe, or a human version of the Android Guardians from Z-World

Either way, we can conclude that Mingi, and potentially other Black Pirates, were involved in some kind of scuffle during which Mingi was injured and arrested

They're likely now trying to get him to rat out the rest of the Black Pirates or maybe they're just pissed at his attitude or behavior

Either way, Mingi visibly doesn't back down - instead, he snaps back before putting in his earbuds and looking away (behavior that is reminiscent of Mingi in the A-World, specifically in the Diary Film)

After this, we cut to shots of current-day Yungi performing in an abandoned parking-garage-like building, followed by a more artistic shot

We see a row of full-body mirrors showing Mingi in a suit and glasses - all polished and business, alongside a more translucent version of Yunho in a similar get-up

Is this what they were pressured to look like? Is it what society expected of them, what they were forced to conform to? It's likely.

Much like in IT's You, albeit more violently and blatantly, the screen shatters as he punches one of the mirrors to signify his breaking point as he recalls past trauma

In their business suits and among the shards, they both dance with a row of Black Pirates between them before they break formation and spread out more freely to continue their performance

We get some pretty shots of Yungi on the roof of the cabin and with a nearby parked truck before we return to Yungi in his past

He's standing by the beat-up looking car and it looks... truly wrecked, potentially burnt and with a smashed in driver's side window

Did his older brother die too, like A-World Yunho's? If so, is this some Across the Spider-Verse type thing where certain fixed events cannot be avoided?

It's definitely a possibility, given the emotional outburst during which Yunho grabs an electric guitar and proceeds to bash it into the car's windshield

The trauma-related anger aligns with Seonghwa and Hongjoong's in Matz - but who can blame them?

And like Hongjoong and Seonghwa, he also has a tendency for expressing his trauma further by committing arson

As we see him perform near the car wreck, the flames are already licking away behind the glass panes in the background

Clearly, Mingi had the same idea as we see him stand in front of the now burning cabin before Yunho steps up beside him

While Mingi seems transfixed by the flames, Yunho looks over to check on him

Mingi meets his eyes a moment later before we cut back to their performance in suits which transitions to the same choreo performed in front of the burning cabin

A few more flashes of their past and them running on the dirt path before we end with the title card as they stand there, side-by-side, while the symbol of their trauma burns to the ground

[mariacallous]

Russian women have, shockingly, embraced the Kremlin’s war in Ukraine despite the heavy toll it exerts on their men.

Though Russia doesn’t disclose casualties, they are mounting. Scores of new graves housing the remains of “heroes” are popping up across the country as the labor ministry requests certificates for families of the deceased by the hundreds of thousands. While the state heaps praise on these men in death, in life it seems to view them as disposable. Russian officials have made this abundantly clear, repetitive to the point of cliché: “Women will give birth to more.”

Despite standing to lose so much, the wives, mothers, sisters, and girlfriends of Russian soldiers have largely nodded along with the Kremlin’s moribund determination to grind down their men. They weep at makeshift memorials to Yevgeny Prigozhin, the late chief of the paramilitary Wagner Group. They show little gender allegiance to the women of their former sister republic. Some are actually proud of their “defenders,” egging them on to rape Ukrainian women should they get the chance. In packed concert halls across the country, girls sing along ecstatically to “Ya Russky” (“I am Russian”), the country’s new patriotic anthem. Their faces soften the song’s promises to “fight to the end” and “spite the whole world.” That seems to be the point.

Russian womanhood, routinely held up in the country’s lore as a paragon of strength, patience, and sacrifice, is now functionally a cover-up for the crimes of Russia’s men. Two of Russia’s most notorious propagandists, Margarita Simonyan of Russia Today and Olga Skabeyeva of the Russia-1 television channel, are women, as is Maria Zakharova, the boorish spokesperson of the Russian Foreign Ministry.

Beneath them lurk less prominent figures with important platforms. There’s Putin’s Brigades, a motley crew of activist grandmothers who have abandoned their communal yard benches to rally the masses for President Vladimir Putin and his war. They call on U.S. President Joe Biden to stop “NATO’s war against Russia” and on Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky to surrender. The Project in Red Dresses, which is supported by an organization run by one of Putin’s relatives, mobilizes women across Russian towns. Draped in red, they waltz through public spaces, seeking to both boost women’s confidence and unite Russians around their leader.

Women support the war effort in other ways, too. Back in my hometown, my mother’s acquaintances are knitting camouflaging nets for Russian troops and teaching children how to make trench candles to send to the battlefield. Schoolteachers—the majority of whom are women—are now responsible for children’s patriotic upbringing. In the state-mandated weekly class “Conversations about important things,” teachers disseminate Kremlin-approved talking points and rally support for the war among children as young as kindergarteners—lining them in Z-formations, organizing visits and weapons demonstrations from “defenders of the motherland,” and even engaging children to help produce those weapons. Teachers who disagree with the war or try to get out of this duty are denounced—often by other women—and subsequently fired or forced to quit.

Women haven’t always been so compliant with the state’s agenda. In 1917, they famously took to the streets to protest food shortages and the monarchy, sparking the strike that eventually triggered the Russian Revolution. More recently, the Committee of Soldiers’ Mothers of Russia was instrumental in pressuring then-President Boris Yeltsin to end his war on Chechnya in 1996.

Nearly two years of Russian carnage in Ukraine, however, have produced mostly acts of individual heroism. For instance, Channel One Russia employee Marina Ovsyannikova made an on-air appeal to viewers not to believe the state’s lies about the war. The artist Sasha Skochilenko swapped supermarket labels with messages about Russia’s crimes in Ukraine. These acts did not go unpunished: The former has since fled the country, while the latter was sentenced to seven years in prison.

Subversive performance art, once a tool of female dissent, is no more. After serving prison terms for their anti-Putin anthems, members of the feminist band Pussy Riot are now in exile, raising money to support the Ukrainian military. These days, the mere suspicion of “radical feminism” can land one in prison. Playwright Svetlana Petriychuk and theater director Yevgenia Berkovich, the duo behind an award-winning play about Russian women who married Islamic State fighters, were accused of “justifying terrorism” and were jailed in May 2023.

Women are now more likely to spend their energy on procuring fake medical certificates to excuse their sons and husbands from war than on resistance of any kind. Those who privately disagree with the war—their number is anyone’s guess—keep the sentiment to themselves. But their personal hesitations have sparked nothing remotely political, let alone a challenge to Putin’s willingness to wage war.

It is hard to say how much of the population’s 70 percent approval rate for the war is driven by fear, propaganda, or ignorance, but one thing is clear: Since the start of the invasion, the already-malfunctioning Russian moral compass has broken irrevocably. Designated to reproduce life, women now must participate in Putin’s show of death.

Seeing their men off to some kind of calamity has long been considered part of the bargain of Russian womanhood. The movies of my adolescence, which coincided with the last decade of the Soviet Union, featured countless examples of men marching off to fight our enemies—World War II, World War I, the civil war, the Napoleonic wars, the Mongol invasion, the Viking raids. In literature class, I memorized the monologues of wounded heroes; during choir lessons, I sang sad ballads with titles like “Goodbye, Boys,” begging soldiers sent to war “to come back alive.” This proposition wasn’t theoretical: My male classmates faced a real prospect of being drafted into the Soviet-Afghan War upon graduation. After that war, there were others; even during the post-totalitarian 1990s, war was never absent from the public’s mind. Someone, somewhere, was always waiting for “our boys”—the absolving way in which Russia routinely refers to its soldiers—to return.

While the boys were hailed as heroes, the options available for girls and women were less inspired. In a patriarchal society, like Russia and the Soviet Union before it, there are few acceptable female archetypes during times of war. Motherhood is one. In the Soviet era, it was epitomized in Mother Heroine, an honorary title awarded to women who bore and raised 10 or more children. Introduced under Joseph Stalin in 1944 to address the massive population loss during World War II, Mother Heroine codified the Soviet woman’s primary duty as the producer of manpower, a resource to be used at the state’s discretion.

After providing children for the state, the Soviet woman’s task was then to galvanize them into fighting for it. At the site of the Battle of Stalingrad, there is a colossal statue of a woman brandishing a sword, titled The Motherland Calls. At 279 feet, she is the tallest woman in the world, perpetually summoning her countrymen to battle. The Motherland Warrior, as we might call her, reminds citizens that their motherland is under threat and then assures them of the righteousness of any war fought in its defense.

Women under war were also encouraged to share its burden on the battlefield. In Soviet books and movies about World War II, women were often comrades-in-arms. Female sharpshooters killed Nazi officers, blew up German trains, and suffered Gestapo torture without shedding a tear. Though she fought alongside men, the Comrade-in-Arms still carried the emotional responsibilities of womanhood: She cared for the wounded and inspired them to commit more acts of heroism, just like their Mother Heroines did from the home front.

Between wars, women were equal partners in delivering on the state’s agenda, whether harvesting fields on collective farms or laying the bricks of the great construction projects of communism. In the iconic Moscow statue, Worker and Kolkhoz Woman, a man and woman put this partnership on display, holding up a hammer and sickle triumphantly as they labor together toward the building of the socialist state. This gender equality, however, was less the product of idealism than economic necessity: Soviet leaders had to conscript every resource available to compensate for the flaws of their planned economy.

These archetypes, defined and promoted by the state, were meant to carve out and assign value to women’s roles in Soviet society. The reality behind them, however, was far less glorious.

The equal partner’s experience, for instance, did not feel very equal. Though women were emancipated by the revolution and encouraged to labor alongside men, their contributions were not rewarded with political power. Only four women ever breached the ranks of the Politburo, the highest communist body of political power; their prospects at the local level were similarly bleak. Beyond poster cases like sending a woman to space, an average Soviet woman’s celebrated equality mostly amounted to the double burden of work and household duties.

Nor could those state-imposed archetypes override the informal but pervasive attitude that women were the “weak sex”; this sealed their inferior position in society. From childhood, girls were groomed to compete for men by looking pretty, excelling at housework, and guarding their fertility (“Don’t sit on cold surfaces—you’ll freeze your ovaries!” our mothers, schoolteachers, and concerned strangers instructed.). In the lighter Soviet movies, even imaginary women who held positions in high society pined for marriage and children. Female intelligence was viewed as a handicap. A smart woman was a woman who didn’t know her place, a criticism that dogged Mikhail Gorbachev’s obviously smart wife, Raisa Gorbacheva, throughout his political career. In marriage, patience and self-sacrifice were considered the highest virtues, as demonstrated by the wives of the Decembrists, the 19th-century aristocratic women who voluntarily followed their husbands to Siberian exile in the aftermath of the failed uprising.

In the provincial town where I grew up, little respect existed between genders. In divorce, which was common, men’s infidelities, drinking, and beatings were often sheltered under the legal euphemism of “irreconcilable differences.” In the street, catcalling women and grabbing their bodies were the norm. Three of my close friends had their first sexual encounter in the form of rape. All three assaulters were boys we knew: our boys. My friends never reported the crime, unwilling to add societal condemnation to the despair they suffered in private. There were only so many ways to be a woman in the Soviet Union, and a victim was not one of them.

Perestroika, the period of liberalization started by Gorbachev in the mid-1980s, brought real rather than proclaimed agency to Soviet women. Shaken by the unfolding collapse of the socialist economy, most women had to concentrate on pulling their families out of financial ruin and had little time to spare for politics. But not all. Though they were still exceptions in the male-dominated political scene, several female trailblazers rose up during this time. Political dissident Valeria Novodvorskaya, who lived through decades of arrests and forced psychiatric treatments for protesting the Soviet regime, created the country’s first non-communist party, Democratic Union, effectively breaking the one-party state system. Galina Starovoytova, a democratic politician and advocate of ethnic minorities’ right to independence, became one of the most recognizable faces of the Gorbachev-Yeltsin era, as did journalist Anna Politkovskaya, who rose to the top of the largely male profession with her human rights activism and fearless coverage of the Chechen wars.

The 1990s, a decade of relative freedom ushered in by perestroika and the collapse of the Soviet Union, proved insufficient to revert Russia’s bend toward patriarchy. Gender equality is an expression of freedom, and Putin liked control. It didn’t help that both Starovoytova and Politkovskaya were assassinated, or that Novodvorskaya, among the first to ring the alarm on Putin, was repeatedly labeled “dem-shiza,” or “democratic schizophrenic.”

As Putin gradually retooled the country into an autocracy, he hijacked the ever-present fear of war lingering in a nation that had seen its men mowed down by the millions and painted it not only as inevitable but honorable. In his endless military spectacles, women in period combat nurse costumes marched alongside Topol missiles, walking reincarnations of Soviet-era war film stereotypes. Their cheery presence lent an air of legitimacy to the state’s escalating violence.

Putin wrapped sexism in dated chivalry rituals, like flowers “for the beautiful sex” (as women are often referred to in Russia) sprung on female politicians. Crude sexual jokes and rape talk, previously taboo in public discourse, were now gamely dispensed by Russia’s man in charge, met with laughter and applause in return. The international community may have been aghast in 2022 when Putin quoted an obscene Soviet-era punk rock lyric about raping a sleeping woman to explain his demands for Ukraine: “Whether you like it or not, bear with it, my beauty.” But in Russia, this phrase is familiar, quoted by men and women. In a society built on violence, revolutionary or otherwise, a woman always loses.

There is no obvious end in sight to this regression. The war in Ukraine has hastened the post-perestroika narrowing of paths available to Russian women, and their value is once again defined by their compliance with the war effort.

Today, even mothers and wives demanding the return of their sons mobilized to fight in Ukraine often start by avowing their support for Putin’s war; many simply insist on replacing their men, who paid their dues, with others. The promise of the equal partner is also fading: In wartime, putting their careers first is not a viable option for most women. The longer the war goes on, the less funding will be available to health care and education, sectors that traditionally employ women, as money is redirected to industries that more tangibly support the war effort. The GDP boost from increased military spending will be offset by Western economic sanctions, so women planning business careers may have to reconsider how they spend their time.

As abortion restrictions expand, there are now few legal offramps available from the path of motherhood, and aspiring career women will instead have to make do with the task of raising and educating future soldiers—an occupation they are encouraged to start shortly after completing their secondary education.

The resurgent Russian Orthodox Church, Putin’s main ally in turning Russia into a conservative bulwark, has expanded its mother-forward offerings to help women bear with this reality. New rituals and holidays were introduced to celebrate “traditional family” and “traditional values,” code words for LGBTQ denialism, and the woman’s role as the “keeper of the hearth.” In squares and plazas across Russian towns, Vladimir Lenin’s statues have begun sharing public space with those of previously unknown saints designated as the patrons of family and marriage.

The Mother Heroine, Motherland Warrior, and Comrade-in-Arms are alive and well in Putin’s Russia. Joining the ranks of these surprisingly durable Soviet archetypes is the soldier’s wife-in-waiting. She supports the war from the rear, infuses children with pride, and doesn’t ask questions if her man is reported dead or missing. This last attribute, not asking questions, seems to be the defining feature of acceptable Russian women today.

What, then, is the Russian woman’s reward for her compliance? The short answer is: not much. Russian oligarchs, the country’s proxy for economic power, are almost exclusively men. Women make up roughly 18.3 percent of the Russian parliament. In terms of pay equality, women earn about 70 percent of what men do in similar jobs. Culturally, misogyny and sexism flourish. Russian comedy shows often portray women as too dumb to tell the steering wheel from the shifting gear.

A deadlier plague is domestic violence, a problem recycled from Soviet times and the times before them. One-fifth of all Russian women have been physically abused by their partners. Every year, some 14,000 women are killed by it—that’s nine times more than in the United States, which has twice the population. The actual number is likely much higher, since many women are afraid to report incidents of violence against them. In 2017, with the support of the Russian Orthodox Church, the Russian Duma decriminalized domestic violence that doesn’t require a hospital stay. It is as if the state itself has embraced the worn Russian saying, “If he beats you, it means he loves you.” Given the toughness of this love, it’s possible that for some women, seeing their abusers off to war becomes a path to liberation.

It’s certainly a path to economic improvement. The $2,535 monthly starting wage offered to those enlisting to serve in Ukraine is nearly 14 times higher than the median salary in Russia’s economically depressed regions, which deliver a disproportionally large number of recruits. If they die in combat, oh well. Better to go out a hero than, as one Russian priest said, the usual “choking on their vomit.” The families of fallen soldiers can also receive lucrative “coffin money” payments for their troubles, a rare glimmer of economic opportunity for working- and lower-class Russians. In July 2022, Russia-1 aired a story advertising the riches of enlisting to fight: The family of one deceased soldier sorrowfully recounted how they bought a previously unaffordable Lada car with the payout for the death of their son who dreamed about having a white car—“just like this one”—then drove it to his grave.

For many women, the price of resistance may be higher than they’re willing to pay. But if they continue to go along with all this, they’ll be doing so under increasingly dangerous conditions. Already-rampant domestic violence will only get worse as the war goes on and civilian men are maimed by battle and replaced back home with traumatized veterans and pardoned convicts. In the past year or so, returning “heroes” have raped teenage girls and burned their sisters alive. One convict-turned-Wagnerite stabbed to death an 85-year-old woman after terrorizing others with an ax and pitchfork in truly Dostoyevskian fashion.

For crimes against women, however, there are few punishments so long as they are committed by those willing to sacrifice for the Kremlin. A lieutenant colonel from Kuzbass was detained for the murder of an 18-year-old girl nearly two months after Putin made him a “Hero of Russia.” Following the arrest, he was defended by his superiors for having “brought invaluable benefit to the motherland in the fight against the Ukronazis.” Another man was pardoned from an 11-year prison term for murdering his girlfriend and putting her corpse through a meat grinder, after enlisting to serve in Ukraine.

A nation can be judged by how it treats its women and its girls, to paraphrase former U.S. President Barack Obama. Russia’s abuse of women, plastered over at different points of its history by the rhetoric of equal rights and traditionalism, underwrites the brutality of its war on Ukraine. If men can pillage and plunder their own, nothing stops them from exercising that right in a foreign land with a gun and a hero’s medal. Having abdicated their collective responsibility to call their men to answer, Russian women find themselves in an increasingly dehumanized society, where support for the war is not a guarantee against becoming its victims.

[mimic-tesdinic]

Context for the sexual culture of Victorians, and why it's dangerous to oversimplify it

Acting like Victorian’s sexual culture is just ‘repressed’ is to remove all nuance from the subject. To show what I mean, I think it’s important to look at the reasons we may be seen as prudish right now:

The rates of highschoolers having sex has been on a decline since the 90s (down 15%)

The number of explicit movies shown in theater is on a decline

Social-distancing has caused people to be less comfortable with physical contact, even post lockdown.

There’s been a lot of anxiety that Gen Z and Millennials are too prudish, but this fails to consider the nuances of these facts:

The decrease in sex among teens has more to do with an increase in entertainment available for teens, as well as a decrease in virgin-shaming, due to higher awareness of asexuality and consent, as well as growing anxiety about sexual expectations.

The decrease in explicit movies in theaters is mostly due to the popularity of streaming services, seen in shows like Bridgerton, etc.

People have been connecting non-physically via the internet, so in even though being physically with other people is more difficult, people are still connecting

It’s not that there hasn’t been a rise in sexual-repression per se, but boiling things down to “kids aren’t having sex these days” is a massive generalization that isn’t helping anyone. And viewing Victorian sexuality as this caricature or prudishness isn’t going to give any insight to the actual problems underlying their perception of sex.

This is part of my issue with a lot of historical fiction about the 1800s, they want to give commentary on purity-culture and sexuality, but they can’t conceptualize it beyond a surface level idea of “sex feels good” so it ends up feeling like poorly written smut catered purely to the male-gaze, which they claim is somehow feminist. The sexual repression of women in this time was more complicated than that, the leading factors were:

A female monarch in a committed and intensely passionate marriage after five male rulers, notorious for debauchery

A rise in the Evangelical Protestant Subsect

Better rights for single women as opposed to married women

A Rising number of STD’s, particularly syphilis

A lack of custody rights for mothers

Both a rise in and banning of sexually explicit fiction

Women's Suffrage

The trial of Oscar Wilde

Most of the rumors you hear about the time period, like the idea that tablecloths were a matter of propriety, or that female orgasms were a medical treatment, are untrue. Marriage books from the time claimed that conception was more likely if both partners climaxed. And self-pleasuring was frowned upon regardless of gender.

Although Puritanical expectations were a factor in the sexual repression of women, I would argue that women's sexual repression was mostly due to a lack of contraceptive, STD protection, and human rights.

To be clear this isn’t to say that puritanical culture wasn’t a factor, but it was one of many, and the idea that no women has enjoyed sex is often used to frame sexual pleasure as a privilege that modern women should feel indebted to men for having, and it’s not. Don’t feed into the idea that social progression is purely linear, especially when it’s used as an excuse to silence the marginalized.

[scotianostra]

17th December 1798 saw a skirmish at Collieston, Aberdeenshire that reulted in the death of smuggler, Phillip Kennedy.

Scotland's love of gin has been long forged with smuggling of the clear spirit hitting its peak in the 18th Century as demand for cut price contraband soared.

In 1707, the excise duty on spirits was dramatically hiked in a bid to put drink out of reach of the lower classes with the tax opening up a thriving illicit trade with Holland.

So hard fought were attempts to secure the booty that excise men - known as gaugers - were in repeated running battles with the smugglers over the cargo.

Violence was regularly used to secure the liquor and, according to a 19th Century account by William Alexander, the exciseman was deemed “a fit subject for rough handling as occasion offered.”

“To tie his legs together and fasten his hands forcible behind his back and leave him lying helpless on the lone hillside was not deemed out of place by any means,” Alexander wrote.

One moonlit encounter between the exciseman and smugglers on the Aberdeenshire coastline led to the brutal death of Philip Kennedy, one of Scotland’s most notorious gin smugglers

In December 1798, the lugger Crooked Mary landed 16 ankers of gin at Cransdale with Kennedy, who also farmed in the area, among those charged with moving the alcohol ashore.

Part of the cargo was due to be shifted across land by night by cart, with the gaugers tipped off about the planned movement.

Three excise men lay in wait - fully armed with swords - near the Kirk of Slains for the passing consignment.

As a precaution, the smugglers sent several men, including Kennedy, to check the route was clear.

Alexander wrote: “One of those who first encountered the excise men was Kennedy, and being a man of feared courage as well as powerful physique, he seized and then threw down two of them, calling to his companions to secure the third.”

However, his associates fled and hid in the bushes as the violent encounter unfolded with Kennedy’s brother believed to have been among them.

Kennedy was soon struck over the head by a sword held by the third exciseman.

Alexander wrote: “The savage gauger who was still free was then observed by some of the cowards lying perdu in the adjacent bushes to hold his sword above his head as if to make certain that he was using the edge.

“With a sweeping and relentless stroke, the smuggler’s skull was laid open with a frightful bash.”

With blood streaming, Kennedy staggered around a quarter of a mile to Kirkton of Slains, where he collapsed and died.

Now encounters like this must have been quite common, what makes this a wee bit more memoravle is that it is said the death of Kennedy inspired parts of Sir Walter Scott’s novel Guy Mannering.

A simple gravestone in the Slains Kirkyard is now the only visible reminder of the smuggling run that went disastrously wrong.

According to Duncan Harley in the A-Z of Curious Aberdeenshire, the skull of Philip Kennedy has been occasionally dug up during later internments at the graveyard.

“Gravediggers can easily identify it by the deep cut of the exciseman’s cutlass,” Harley wrote.

The stretch of coastline between Aberdeen and Peterhead was a smugglers’ paradise during the 18th Century given the never ending network of caves that can be found here.

According to accounts from the early part of the century, more than 1,000 ankers of foreign spirits were landed here every month.

Contraband as also hidden on the beaches with pits dug deep into the sand.

Dry sand and wet sand were used to cover the booty to conceal any changes to the ground caused by digging.

According to accounts, the pit was lined with bricks or timber, and the roof was always at least six feet underground in a bid to defy the probes used to locate hidden caches on the beach, which were six feet long.

[whatwhywhowherewhen]

If MXTX's character's heights were real

The rest of the post is an unloading of all the fun I've had playing with the heights of most of the male adult characters from MXTX's novels. If you ever want to compare the heights of different male characters or pretend the novels don't exist in a magic-everyone-is-handsome-but-only-one-gay-relationship-can-exist-per-world alternate reality, this is your post.

I assume the average height of 19-year-old Chinese youths is 175.7 cm and the standard deviation is 6.5 cm (as of 2020, which was 3 years ago as of this post)

I referenced the Global Times article: "Average height of Chinese men sees the biggest rise of nearly 9 cm over 35 years: report" and a random height-percentile-in-different-countries website as it is literally impossible to find data on the standard deviation of height??

The inches and feet versions are at the end of the post, along with a comparison of a few of the heights

It all started with this chart by @jinxednoodle, which happens to be the first image if you google MXTX heights:

Free data? don't mind if I do…

I finished with 3 final calculated columns

Equal Rarity

This column compares the characters' heights to one another by putting them in the context of the real-world equivalent height. Essentially, if you assume the distribution of heights is normal in MXTX-land and our sample accurately represents those heights (Neither is true, which is why this is Bad Math), being [character's name here]'s height in MXTX-land is as common as being ____ cm tall among a group of 19-year-old Chinese guys.

Perfect evidence that JGY is short

I divided each O.G. height by the average (~184.97) and standard deviation (the average difference between each number and the average) (5.05) of the O.G. heights, which gave me their z-scores (the number of standard deviations a number is from the average). I de-Z-scorified them by multiplying by 6.5 (the new STD) and adding 175.7 (the new average).

2. Scaled Down

This column just drags them small so they aren't giants compared to the rest of us

I divided the O.G. heights by their average (~184.97) and then multiplied by the 19CM average (175.7)

F.D. (Fixed Distribution) Heights

My personal favorite because it was the hardest to get right and my end goal all along. Heights are normally distributed, meaning if you mark all the heights along the horizontal axis and all the people with that height on the vertical, you should get a shape like the one below, with the exact average height in the exact middle, shorter people to the left, and taller to the right. I wasn't satisfied with only the average and standard deviation of my calculated samples matching real life, I wanted the distribution to match too

Below is the histogram of the O.G. heights. oof. Not the worst, because it only has one "hump" (one mode) and does have few extremely short people and few extremely tall people, but the shortest people have heights way further to the left of the mode than the tallest people's heights to the right of it. The data is heavily left-skewed. I think MXTX likes tall characters but cuts herself off at 191 cm (6'3.2") because any further is too tall to suspend disbelief.

I use an awful, unnecessarily complicated method after a few even worse attempts and split a normal distribution into 33 parts of equal area, then found the weighted average z-score of each section. I de-Z-scorified them by multiplying by 6.5 (the new STD) and adding 175.7 (the new average), producing the F.D. Heights column and this histogram:

I cannot tell you how many attempts I made before getting here. But my work was not done. Instead of starting with the O.G. heights, I had worked backward and needed to match my predetermined list of possible heights to the names. The order of who was at what height on my list was simple:

O.G. height was my first reference, but lots of characters are the same height. Their position in these "height blocks" was decided based on their appearance according to fandom.com. Anyone described as tall or strong-looking is put at the top and anyone delicate or synonymous is put near the bottom of the height block. Any additional selection was down by personal preference, which is why Yin Yu is exactly average (very evil of me), Mu Qing and Feng Xin are neighbors in height (to fuel the rivalry) and Yue Qingyuan is the tallest of his block (Big Bro vibes).

I didn't do the female heights because there were too few to make a good sample.

In Inches and Feet:

Example height differences, including an average 19-year-old female:

[unlikelychildchaos]

Macau had nearly 100,000 followers on Instagram. Therefore, he had a plethora of images on his phone. Mostly of his and his lavish and aesthetically pleasing life. No one could tell but this lifestyle was fairly new to him. When his father was alive, he wasn't allowed to do any of it. He didn't have friends, he didn't have a functioning family, and he didn't even have the fake comfort and validation of social media. He wasn't simply allowed to be a teenager. Life was a misery, to say the least.

But as the wise men say, nothing lasts forever. Not even bad times. So when good times came Macau adapted quickly. He was a gen Z at his peak. His DMs were packed with thirst traps and admirers. He would occasionally reply to some but mostly text and exchange memes with his friends.

Pete had said Macau had become some sort of influencer. His technologically challenged brother merely nodded at Pete's comment.

The day this picture was taken, Pete was in the mood for eating out. So the three of them went to a local Thai food restaurant. Macau wasn't usually the one to set his phone down and appreciate his surroundings. But he was glad he felt bored enough at that moment to do exactly that. His eyes landed on the two people in front of him.

Pete was showing Vegas something on his phone with a huge dimpled smile. Must have been a meme. Because Vegas looked up from his own phone—Macau could tell he was either reading a news blog or checking his emails because that's all he did on his phone—and smiled at Pete's phone screen.

It was at that moment that Macau realized he had a family. It was not what he had envisioned when he had been younger but it was no less perfect.

His brother was his shield from all the evils. The man protected Macau to the best of his abilities. He took hits for him, he shouldered blames for him, and when teenage angst took over Macau and he messed up Vegas cleaned his mess for him. Up until Pete, Vegas had only two goals in life. To gain the approval of their unworthy father and to protect Macau from their world. And even though the first one was a lost battle, Macau would say his brother did more than a great job on the second one. Whose brother did so much for them? Wasn't he lucky in that aspect?

When Macau's eyes landed on Pete, a memory flashed in front of his eyes. It had been the talent competition in his senior year of high school. He had casually mentioned the night before that he would be acting in a play organized by his class and he would be playing the best friend of the lead. It had been a two-minute role. It wasn't been a big deal, he had added. To be honest, he hadn't expected his brother or Pete to show up. No one ever showed up. Not for sports day, not on his class graduations, not even when he had won 1st place for that science project. Vegas had always been busy and their father had never cared enough.

So he had been rightfully surprised when he heard a familiar voice yelling his name when he had stepped onto the stage to deliver his lines. He had looked among the audience and saw his brother smiling at him with a proud look on his face. And then he had seen the person to whom that voice belonged, with a huge smile on his face holding up his phone recording Macau on stage. It had been Pete.

The play had been awful for Macau. He had forgotten his lines, choked up, and messed up the small dance he had to do at the end. But when he had come to meet his family, no one scolded him. They had patted him on his back being genuinely proud of him. And then they took him out for ice cream. It had been the best day of his life.

Macau blinked rapidly to get rid of the blurriness of his vision and took a sip from his glass of water to clear his aching throat. He then took that picture on his phone and put it on his Instagram with the caption, "Family's night out."

He tagged Pete only. Because his grumpy brother didn't have any social media. So when Pete's phone pinged and he checked the notification before looking up to meet Macau's eyes, Macau simply smiled at him. This was the first time Macau had acknowledged Pete as a part of his family. He could tell Pete was happy. And honestly? Macau felt pretty darn happy too.

[my pinterest feed made me do this. again. sorry if there are any grammatical errors. i can't stop writing these because i'm a hoe of domestic vegaspete. should i make this a series or something? lol. hope you like it. i did look for a picture with ta, biu, and bible in it. but not much luck. nothing that went with what i wrote. but anyway, let me know what you think? 'cause reading your comments and hashtags really makes my day]

Read the 1st one here

Read the 2nd one here

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Character arcs in China, Korea and Japan v. the US/UK/AU and religion.

I have somewhat of a confession to make. That is that every year since I was little, I've always watched alone, a Christmas Rom Com. Was it high class? No. It was likely Lifetime, Hallmark or TNT. And the thing about that is the majority did not have Asian people in them. They were antithetical to everything I am except for the "Lead must be creative."

I made an expected plot event list around here, too. Here, in case you can't find it.

You might think this is not related, but I'm getting there...

The point is that out of all of the genres of movies I've watched from various dramas and movies, this correlates the strongest to the type of character "Development" (if you can call it that) I am talking about.

US Christmas Movies

Character has X, Y and Z problems in US Christmas movie. And in fact, as the plot goes along, those problems what? Multiply. This is a conflict plot.

So for example, you have Kevin from Home Alone. Kevin hates his family. His mother doesn't pay attention to him, Santa doesn't really seem to care. He has a scary neighbor he doesn't like. AND there are burglars to take care of.

By the end of the movie, there is a transformation arc after using Rube Goldberg machines, thus all of these things are fixed (until Home Alone 2).

In the Rom com, this is usually something like workaholic is paid an exorbitant amount of money AND hasn't found a SO, usually a man, since this is written for cishet women, and occasionally gay men these days (not lesbians?). Or the person is ignoring their own needs, whatever, there are a few plots. Which if you've been following along with my story structure series--the multiple plotline direction and threads is likely from Shakespeare's time, though I read the paper on it, the evidence–on the origin from whom is a bit murky on that count, which often happens in cultural phenomena, especially that far back in time.

However, the multiplication of problems and conflicts is more of recent thing. (Which to be clear in present time ends with a lot of reviewers on Youtube calling it "Fake" and "Unnecessary" etc. Millennials and Gen Z in particular hate it and call the multiplication of this terrible, particularly among women reviewers over men.)

Anyway, the point is that in particularly Christmas movies, which often double down on the religious aspects, huge problem, transformation, then every last problem about the character is fixed. Or for Christians (since Freytag said he based his on Christianity rather blatantly): It follows the Bible in simplified terms.

The connection to Christianity

You have Genesis, then all the stuff in the middle you kinda ignore and then all things go wrong, and then, OMG, there is salvation. Or the simplified version of crucifixion because you fell asleep in church, Jesus exists. Jesus preaches and gets people to hate Him. He dies. He gets ressurrected.

This is transformation. Through this Jesus what? Absolves all of your sins. You, not just Jesus are also transformed.

The majority of the authors that argued for this type of story structure with the diagrams were also Christians. The Jews I found didn't have the diagram.

Back to the Christmas Rom Com

Usually the cast also sings. And there is a part that's not in other Three-act-ish dramas: The Preaching. The incessant preaching.

The types of preaching come in these forms:

Woman (usually, though sometimes gay man who is femme) is told by her friends she is in love with target the audience is supposed to like–like it or not this is supposed to be the OTP, no matter the chemistry on screen.

Woman gets preached to about dead relative, previous Christmas, or some event from the past

You have the unbeliever of Christmas (which may be Christmas Carol+Grinch) and the true believer. Usually in the leads.

The male lead, usually is scarred by a previous Christmas.

All of these get transformed by the end, like a wafer to the body of Christ.

All sins are forgiven, and the preaching in these movies works every time. And usually the rich socialite ends up what? More humble and thus moves to a humble town (though this most of the time is to make filming cheaper, tbh.).

These Middle class main lead often to another middle class main lead or richer person.

All problems solved, world peace, every character flaw is fixed and forgiven.

Cue around here, Brecht throwing up at the blatant misuse of his input into story structure and probably several other theorists scratching their heads at "What is this Holiday Christmas movie?"

And the thing about Christmas movies, if you like them or hate them, they hit the time stamps for what they need to do perfectly. There is no flaw in the timing. The dialogue is flat and not that sparkly, and the introspection is externalized, like a cross, and there you go. This is how the character changes. All is fixed and well.

Shintoism, Buddhism, Mugyo, and general East Asian Philosophy

Particularly said of Japan, Japan is accused of being FLAT character arcs. People go into it and find out character has XYZ problems. Those problems might add, but not multiply, and then at the end, only X or Z problem is solved. It's not a story of transformation at all.

Character is poor and might end poor. That's not solved by magical benefactor.

Character starts off with an oppressive mother, their boss hates them, they don't have romance, and they feel unloved. The character arc fixes the "They don't feel loved." The other stuff is ignored and only there to serve the self-discovery of the character on their journey towards inner peace despite the chaos around them.

This is because the main point is not transformation, but self-realization of oneself.

This ties very, very heavily to the various religions in the region, which focus more on inward growth towards outward control, than outward circumstance towards outward control. Change is thought to be slow, hard to achieve and often either cyclical, or circular until one digs into ones self and really finds a way to say, escape the cycle so they can get out of it to reach say, Nirvana, The Next Life, harmony with all living beings, etc.

In another words, to shape the outer world, one has to work on oneself first, because there is no great Jewish not-white not long-haired savior to help you externally, it comes from your own work within, which is often said to be painful slow and comes with a lot of attachments you might not need. And if you stay attached to those worldly things, it will create evil. (this is true of Shintoism, Mugyo, and Buddhism.) There is no one to save but yourself. And the healthy attachments are often good deeds from within yourself towards others.

Examples

Spirited Away, Chihiro forgets her entire adventure. She gains a new head elastic, but as the beginning said, she won't really forget her experience. What's the singular thing that Sen/Chihiro gained?

The confidence to face new challenges.

You've gone through the entire movie, and she has not had a huge transformation arc where everything was fixed. Her parents still aren't that great. She still has to move to a new town. And not all of her problems were solved. Haku is still a roaming spirit, No Face might have found a home and a place, but still has its flaw. Not everything was fixed. There was only one thing that totally transformed and changed for our main lead Chihiro.

And the thing is Miyazaki and his animators pulls this all of the time without fail and you still feel wrapped into his world and point of view.

This is true of Ashes of Love, (Chinese) as well. A-Z problems are not solved for the characters. One character flaw is changed for each character, which is a kind of spoiler here. While they do learn and grow, there are still problems looming in the distance that might come back at a later date. Also the ending feels a little bit bittersweet. Following the formula of qichengzhuanhe, it does not linger on the ending, but instead gives us a cyclical feel.

I think the one that drove people up the wall, personally, was Stranger Again. (Korean drama) People argued that it was a "Sad ending" but from the perspective of the characters it was a happy ending. The themes of the drama were met by the end of the drama showing that sometimes love isn't enough to keep a couple together. It really dug deep into what love is and isn't and the imperfections and blemishes of it. But people still struggled really deep with the idea that not everything is fixable. They wanted that transformation, but the drama never promised a transformation. It only promised, from the title and beginning to ending to make sure people understood why people sometimes need to divorce and not to be caught so strongly in hate or so strongly in love, but that middle of finding a way to move forward without another person. The change for the characters, wasn't through conflict--the conflict made their ability to solve things more tangled and worse. The solution came in the form of self-realization and contemplation, where they discovered the painful truth and then were able to let go. And that was the happiest ending for the characters, but those addicted to Christianity's total transformation, sacrifice as ideas of love hated it.

But I dislike the idea that someone needs to give up all of their happiness in order to make another person happy until they are angry and resentful at them. Because then, is that really love? And so if you sat there and thought through the morality and the things the drama was saying that was the happiest ending. But not the one that you wanted. However, it lingered and made you more honest about facing your relationships and the world because it forced you to question yourself and self-reflect–and that's the whole point of a lot of these stories that don't fix everything. The world is messy, and though you might get cooperation, the only thing you can control is yourself, so you need to respect others and their choices and the best way to do that is to know yourself before facing others rather than waiting for a savior to fix it for you.

BTW, I can do this with Taiwanese dramas too. It's rare for an East Asian drama to try to fix everything for the characters. If anything, the characters crawl towards finding their own solutions. Think through some of the dramas you've watched.

[hypergamiss]

I agree with a lot about what you said for Jay-z and Bey (different anon) and absolutely loved your analysis for Kim! I used to say the same thing to my friends but they didn't believe me. I did want your opinion on the whole billionaire not doing business with cheats. Elon and Jeff aren't particularly loyal but it makes sense that they might be "somewhat accepted" in these circles for their contributions. Not so much Elon imo he's more good at taking credit from others and has a habit of "inventing" stuff that already exists. But what about the big families within these circles (Rothschild, Rockefeller, Kennedy's, and the families even more powerful than them) have had cheaters in their circles. Or do you think that the group you are referring to is even more exclusive and that is where it is at? I do agree with the overall sentiment though since I've met businessmen that don't like cheats. Also, it isn't a coincidence that when men get married they are taken more seriously in the corporate world. Anyway forgive the blabbing.

There will always be those outliers that cheat that come from wealthy families, but the majority would not risk the social death that comes with that. It’s usually the ones who grew up having all the money in the world but they had a really sad childhood. They have a lot of internal issues and they’re not really ambitious to the extent where they would need to use their families connections. They are literally ok with the consequences of not being accepted by their families because of their actions and they don’t really go on to do anything prominent with their lives. There are also the select few that do want to use their families connections and money to get ahead and they start living a fast life and testing the boundaries of their last name. A great example would be one of the families you mentioned, the Kennedy’s. People would believe JFK was murdered by someone who simply didn’t like him. The secret service has way too many protocols and intelligence for this to happen. His family had a lobotomy done on his little sister because she was a free and wild soul and they thought she would embarrass the family and because of the lobotomy she was mentally retarded for the rest of her life. That’s practically murder, they killed the person she once was. If they did this to his little sister don’t you think they would go as far as killing him? He was out of control and they couldn’t get him to settle down because he was the president and his ego was so big he thought he had the world in the palm of his hand. He got himself involved in too many scandals and he might be one of the reasons why Marilyn was also murdered. So yes there will be cheaters among the uber wealthy, but 99% of them will stay true to the values that have been a part of their families for generations. I do agree with you, married men are taken more seriously. There is nothing that compares to the responsibility of taking care of a family of your own and if a man is doing that, people know he is wiser for it and can handle more pressure.

[joannasteez]

"𝙞𝙢 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪" - 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙣𝙚

eventual mother’s milk x reader

if this doesn’t get posted now, no one will probably ever see this… hopefully posting it will give me the push to continue, finish and maybe even add more to it than I already have…

‘The Reserve' is an illusion, a vanity shaped dream for the self proclaimed movers and shakers. For those who believe themselves to be more illustrious than their bathroom-in-kitchen apartments allow. But even a partial step into 'The Reserve' would clue in even the naivest of individuals of otherwise, that such claimed glory is really just some poor desperate bastards attempt at a pseudo heaven on earth. 'The Reserve' is ugly, its sunny gold pillars rusted to a seedy brown reeking of greed and low cunning.

And God…

…The walls, old lavish embroidery marred and greyed by nasty streaks of some indiscernible substance. The air is thick as well, but that shouldn't be a surprise, strengthened every minute it seemed by some nose curling pungency. Sweat, alcohol, and the dry crusted salty tears of some long ago killed ambition. The only thing 'The Reserve' is good for is its symbolism, sitting so uncomfortably at the edge of Downtown Brooklyn, it's weak and feeble visage living in the shadow of the city's sacred Vought Tower. Its an unwritten thing, wholly for the sake of sugarcoating ego, a communal experience even, for the drunk regulars and D to Z listing super-abled to stand together in a pathetic formation of reverence from their lowly place to watch The Homelander take to the skies.

You hate 'The Reserve' but you also work at 'The Reserve' because it pays well enough as a side hustle and mixing drinks is great tension relief from a nine to five that consist of talking through the life shattering trauma of being a collateral damage survivor with adolescent youth.

It's quite the shitty silver-lining, having to constantly entertain and serve, pouring into the anger and failure of dozens of overgrown children who lack all charm and the means to be even slightly personable. Who, in the eyes of all that is commercially holy and capitalistic, were just never profitable enough. They were not the proclaimed gods among men they were poisoned and promised to be. They just couldn't fucking hack it. But at least you made enough to cover a months worth of groceries in one night and a steadily growing record collection.

"A double of tha' cheap russian shite you lot water down so much yeah".

Its push and pull, the harsh tugging outward motion of an ocean current , a very visceral spine tingling nagging of something creepy and bitter like disgust or malcontent even. Before the inevitable, gentler pull in of intrigue. Billy Butcher is something of an unstoppable force, a train wreck of anger and charisma swaddled in a harsh cockney accent and even harsher words and deeds. Everything about him is war, all blood and destruction. The cracking of bones and the splitting of deep, and what you thought untouchable, nerve. He's horrible, but then again 'The Reserve' attracts all the ugliness of the city, even when that ugliness is owned by a not so ugly face.

"If it's so shit, why do you always drink it?"

He's smirking that smirk that makes your well crafted, personable, customer service nature quell, shrivel and nearly die. Nothing good ever came of smirks like those, lopsided and daring.  "I don't know, something about the little bird who serves it to me. She just makes it all the more delicious".

The most you can muster at the moment is an eye roll, opting to address the rest of the very dangerous bunch. A more genuine smile appearing, warm and delighted.

"Frenchie, always a pleasure, even when you're giving Travis Bickle".

He smiles, amused at the reference. "The pleasure is all mine mon amie".

And then with the excitement of a newly unsheltered child, a woman, cute as a button really, waves your way with dainty but red raw battered knuckles. 'A supe', instinct tells you, but as you smile, waving back with matching enthusiasm, you come to the conclusion that you may be wrong. That the light in her eyes, the unmitigated eagerness of the moment, is far too bright for any super abled person to have so intrinsically.

You'd must've forgotten how odd this bunch truly were, not having seen them for some time, especially now coming to rest a bit of a scrutinizing gaze on the next one.

He's tall and lanky with a forced relaxed disposition about him. He's used to this, places like this, like 'The Reserve', but still the tiniest inconvenience could make his own patience stretch beyond wear and snap. Split and break, and now he's back to where he hates to be, helpless. He reminds you of the kids in the support group, the older ones, still scarred and scared but trying desperately to show otherwise. God its the way he fidgets just the slightest, like he's in his own body but with new skin, trying hard to get comfortable.

"And you must be Butchers newest exploit, please blink twice if you need help", you say.

You're joking, really you are, but you're not. It's something like second nature to dote a bit over the younger ones.

"I- .... ", he's unsure of just how serious you may actually be and its no fault of his own, you've practiced quite the serious face, one of motherly concern that seems to make him repel more than anything. Interesting. "Oh, you're not joking- I", he tries again.

Butcher pats his back. "Thats alright Hughie.... she's just takin the piss is all".

Hughie sighs. Exhausted already, but it's only midnight, and knowing butcher, the night hasn't even started yet. "Can I just get a beer?", he asks, seeming resigned now to whatever will come from now till the end of the night.

"And something sweet for mon coeur please",  Frenchie adds.

You crack Hughie's beer open, sliding it to him before pouring out Butcher's double, but you're not so ready to give him his drink.  Wary of what even a little dose could do for his destructive nature. "No bullshit tonight, I mean it Butcher", and he's rolling his eyes, like he isn't responsible for generally wreaking havoc wherever he goes. "Last time you were here I had a patron get sent to the ER for head trauma".

His warm fingers slip over your unsure ones, taking hold of the slender glass to knock back the liquid with nothing short of delight. Sarcasm dripping cooly once he's done. "I'll behave mum, I swear".

You take his promise with a grain of salt, opting instead to ignore the beginnings of a new nagging feeling by mixing the sweet citrusy cocktail Frenchie had asked for. This creeping thing though, at the base of your nape felt less like mild disgust and more like an un-quelled curiosity. Eyes darting every so often to the lowly lit entrance before they scattered, with an eager quickness that was rather embarrassing, to the other corners of the establishment. If Butcher and Frenchie were present, and generally tamed from mischief, then he wasn't too far behind right? A balmy rush unfurled its way from your gut to the tips of your ears at the anticipation alone, and you'd be lying if you'd tried to convince yourself you didn't know why. He just had that way about him, and it forcefully lulled you in, a bit straight laced air to him but the sensibility was all there, and not to mention the man was fine as hell-

"He's outside taking a call".

Cleaning cocktail glasses has become a point of interest as you feel The Frenchman's sweet clever eyes nail you to where you stand.

"I don't know what you mean".

He scoffs. "Please, you're not the only one with eyes and good observation skills mon amie".

And he's right, it wouldn't take a genius to realize the very apparent attraction you have for a certain member of the infamous group, but whether he notices it or not is the real issue. You don't have much time to truly mull it over though because he's swaggering through the entrance and up to the bar to meet 'the boys' in a matter of seconds. Those seconds being the duration of time in which you short circuit before pulling it together and crafting the greatest nuanced expression possible. A little nonchalance, followed by well placed hints of allure did the trick in most cases. It made most men hesitate, and Marvin wasn't an exception.

You're cleaning the glasses still with a little less impatience and a little more fluidity. Grace. Eyes traveling up and down the distance of his physique, or of what you can see at least. "Can I get you anything?"

It's appropriate for the moment, but theirs a slight inflection to suggest otherwise.

He clears his throat feeling the burdening gaze of his friends, Butcher and Frenchie specifically, their looks of knowing, and squares away the beginning of a thrumming in his blood.

He looks to Hughie's bottle and gestures toward it. "I'll have what the kid is having".

It stings, and it takes a bit more than usual for him to shake it off. When you hand off the beer without another glance, slipping away to take care of another patron, something in his gut tightens. A bristling of bitter smoldering heat, and Marvin knows what it is, in the safety of his own quiet thoughts he's felt it more times than he can stand to admit. Like that one instance, a rare but vivid moment in his memory, Butcher had said something racy but your usual disgust wasn't there. You'd actually laughed and got all cheesy when Billy slapped on that shit eating grin. It was the same feeling now as it was then, and it was green and ugly, making his jaw tick but its there all the same.

Its only the seriousness of the mission that gets him out of it, that and the beer and he's back to thinking of other things.

Leave it to Frenchie though to reel him right back in.

"So", he starts, "When are you going to take that gigantic stick out of your ass and talk to her eh?"

"I don't know if you're too high off the ket to notice Frenchie but were on the job".

"Fuck you I'm sober". And he'd been sober for months, all the boys knew it, but what would his relationship with Marvin be if they didn't exchange some form of below the belt insult. Frenchie knew better than anyone what inner conflict felt like, how it wore so heavy on the shoulder, in the face of such evident but leery romance. "Mmmm, but play makes working all the more fun no? How long will she give u the eyes before you finally indulge her?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about".

'Found a little love and thinks he's fucking cupid', Marvin thought. Stealing a swift glance at the bar, at you.

It's Butchers turn then to be annoying, to deliver that shit eating grin he loves so much, the one that irks Marvin to no end, but now more than usual because Butcher's just as quick and discerning as Frenchie. "Frenchies right M, come off it and shag the girl already before she starts givin' another bloke bedroom eyes".

Everyones just so damn rife with suggestions. MM turns to Hughie, whose babysitting his beer rather attentively, as if to avoid the conversation.

"Anything you wanna add? Since everyone thinks their Dr-fucking-Phil".

Hughie sputters a bit. "Uhh, no. What they said"

"Now", Butcher gathers them all, rightly satisfied with making MM uncomfortable. "Look alive boys, our targets are here".