#Dwarves cook like they fuck

[nikkisticki]

It really should be said that Studio Triggers desire to only do what they want has always led them down the right path

no I don't care about Franxx it's not real it can't hurt me

But now, I'm really surprised. From their string of shows based on their own ideas since K.L.K exploded the internet...to their second every full adaptation (the first one being pretty unmentionable, they did it pre- KLK for money) they've ever done...and as far as I can tell, it's exclusively because they just love Dungeon Meshi

You should love Dungeon Meshi too.

[bitterkarella]

Midnight Pals: Souper

[at unicorn fuck club] JRR Tolkien: tonight we've got a special story from everyone's favorite fantasy writer GRR Martin: CS Lewis: Peter S Beagle: Hans Christian Andersen: L Frank Baum: Tolkien: whoops shouldn't have said that ha ha Tolkien: i mean, you're all winners in my book

Tolkien: but when i say everyone's favorite fantasy writer Tolkien: i mean terry practchett GRR Martin: oh yeah that's fair CS Lewis: yeah fair Peter S Beagle: fair Hans Christian Andersen: yes yes of course L Frank Baum: that's fair

Terry Pratchett: hello unicorn fuck club today i've got a story about a wizard who is - get this - actually very bad at his job Tolkien: oh ho ho! terry my boy, you've done it again! Pratchett: there's also girl dwarves Tolkien: [suddenly stone-faced] i hate this

Pratchett: but first Pratchett: all this story telling is hungry work! Pratchett: do you happen to have anything to eat around here? Tolkien: are you talking about... Tolkien: having Tolkien: a Tolkien: feast????? Brian Jacques: [squeaking incomprehensibly in rising excitement]

Tolkien: why, terry, my boy, what an idea! Tolkien: instead of merely DESCRIBING a feast, we'll have one! huzzah! Martin: huzzah! Lewis: huzzah! Jacques: [squeaking] i use a mercury head dime as a serving platter!

Pratchett: no no nothing so fancy as that Tolkien: eh? Pratchett: i was more thinking along the lines of Pratchett: soup Tolkien: soup? Pratchett: yeah just a big bowl of heart soup right about now would just be the best thing Pratchett: oo i just love the sound of it!

Pratchett: think about it: no work... no worries... no failures... no waste... when you serve maggi homestyle soups, the finest money can buy yet priced reasonably within your budget Tolkien: interesting! tell us more Pratchett: maggi soup! es ist echt ausgezeichnet!

Pratchett: how often have you had this problem Pratchett: say, you're on a budget but you have to feed your hungry hungry boys Tolkien: oh man i have been there! Tolkien: more times than i can count!

Tolkien: but terry Tolkien: i need something substantial and nourishing for my hungry boys. can maggi soup satisfy? Pratchett: ahh jirt my friend, maggi soup does more than satisfy! Pratchett: as the good people at maggi say, "kartoffelsalat volkswagen fahrvergnugen lebensraum!!"

Tolkien: What's that sizzling sound I hear? Pratchett: Get up! It's soup and eggs, my dear! Martin: What can I cook without much fuss? Pratchett: maggi soup would tickle all of us! Lewis: What's a lunch that's good and quick? Pratchett: Hot Maggi soup mix does the trick!

Pratchett: mm mmm! i tell you, nothing's as good as a rich bowl of maggi soup! buy some today! eat it with someone you love! Neil Gaiman: something's not right here

Gaiman: of course the power of imagination is infinite, friends Gaiman: but in all the worlds in all the multiverses of possibility, i cannot imagine one in which terry pratchett shills for soup Pratchett: [sweats] nein, nein, ich bin der echte terry pratchett!

Gaiman: if you are in fact, the real terry pratchett Gaiman: and not an imposter Gaiman: like the imposter sandman hector hall in The Sandman, vol. 2: The Doll's House Gaiman: then you won't have any trouble telling a joke Pratchett: [sweats] ein witz? du magst ein witz?

Pratchett: [sweats] i mean ha ha of course i can tell a joke Pratchett: i am the real terry pratchett after all Pratchett: [sweating intensifies] and you all know me, i'm a real spaßvogel Pratchett: Pratchett: a-are you sure you wouldn't all rather just have some soup?

[dolliels]

MISSION REQUITED LOVE!

synopsis: in which you lay out a series of objectives in order to get jamil to like you back.

you fiddle with your hands, looking down at your knees, almost having a staring contest. that exam nearly put you to tears. what the fuck was that?! you studied for potionology… not… if using frog legs for a potion would make the frog family start grieving! what even was that question???

you feel a sudden brush on your shoulders and you look up to see a concerned face. what was his name? jaemeel? jade mile? you forgot, you rarely talked to the guy, but for some reason, his genuine expression of concern made you feel at ease.

“the exam screwed you over too, huh?” he said, chuckling lightly, almost at himself.

you nod, choking back your tears. “what was even that frog leg question?”

“no idea.”

hence was the start of your newfound friendship with jamil viper.

your first impression of the guy was that he was just your average, friendly joe who was trying to get by. you found out that he’s actually quite quick-witted, sharp mouthed and a great cook. his grades are pretty average, but you had your suspicions. he’d sometimes score lower than you in exams and he’s the one that helped you study!

however merciless jamil may seem, he was still pretty caring, just more silently. he’d sometimes pack an extra lunchbox everytime you complained about the lack of food, help out on assignments and tests and however busy he is (with kalim, mostly.) he’d always make some time stop by)

safe to say you’ve harbored a one-sided crush on him.

no matter how close you two were, you knew that you definitely weren’t his type at all. you were a handful at times (most of the time actually! you’re just too stubborn to admit it) and had a hard time fully functioning at school by yourself without some sort of support system. from how jam packed jamil’s schedule is on a day-to-day basis, you assumed he’d probably want to date someone independent, who can take care of themselves and kiss jamil on the forehead goodbye so he feels a little lighter starting his day.

so you devised a plan.

OBJECTIVE: get jamil to like you back

PLAN A : show you independent capabilities!

jamil is often complaining about how kalim can’t do anything on his own. that puts you into thought… neither can you! (lol) you get embarrassed thinking about the numerous assignments and exams jamil has helped you trudge through. your mind gets boggled when you think about it. you’re literally in the category of people jamil probably finds annoying and seeing how much jamil seems to dislike doing kalim’s bidding because he’s too simple minded to do it on his own, you decided that showing independence and that you’re capable on your own would be the most attractive to him.

so here you were, eye bags forming as you loosely write about the history of dwarves. this was a long and tedious assignment and due to your own negligence, you had to stay up to do it. usually at times like this, you’d call for jamil and ask for his help (sometimes even managing to snag a quick glance at his own work)

you felt your hand slowly lose grip of your pen as your head slowly started nodding off. dwarves are so terribly boring! your eyelids felt heavy and the last thing you saw was something about seven dwarves who housed some runaway princess…

“hey.”

“hey. wake up.”

you felt a tap on your shoulder as you lifted your head from your arms. as the blurriness in your eyes cleared, you started seeing a familiar figure… oh. it’s jamil.

jamil was seated right beside you. it was the late hours at the library, what was he even doing here?

as you turn your head to properly look at him, jamil’s eyes widen as he suppresses a grin.

“you- pff- have ink on your face.”

huh?

you look at your pen, then your hand. oh, the pen’s ink must have leaked (or exploded) when you dozed off on it due to the pressure.

the drowsiness left you as you suddenly felt yourself wide awake, face turning an embarrassing bright shade of red.

“what are you doing here? it’s late.” jamil asked, as he looked at the table with all your notes.

“mmph. history of dwarves. essay.” is all you managed to spur out.

“isn’t this due tomorrow? you had, like, 2 weeks to work on it.”

“i know. i was lazy. my bad, i guess.” you shrug as you put your broken pen away.

“why didn’t you ask me for help? you usually do.”

“i dunno. didn’t want to bother you, i guess.”

jamil frowns. “you do know that i don’t mind, right? this happens with kalim all the time.”

he wipes off some of the ink on the side of your face. you can’t see it, but from the smear of ink on Jamil’s thumb, you could probably take a guess that it didn’t help at all.

“go wash your face, and i’ll help you with the essay.”

plan A was definitely a failure…

PLAN B: show your helpfulness!

jamil is a great cook. just the thought of his meals makes your drool. you know that he overworks himself trying to prepare food for kalim, as well as you if he ever has the time to spare for it.

wouldn’t jamil find it attractive if someone could help him cook meals?

unfortunately for you, you’re not as good as you’d hope to be.

it’s not like you’re completely bad, no. as long as you follow instructions, the food turns out fine. the problem is that it’s a carbon copy of someone else’s recipe, so it’s not that special. another issue is that you use the recipe as your complete and total guide, since you don’t know how to work anything without it. so if you were in the kitchen helping jamil, you would need him to i trust your every move and… that isn’t really helpful, is it?

so you decided to try practicing your cooking skills without the guidance of a recipe!

you’ve asked riddle to generously lend you the kitchen (you hope there’s no silly rule about kitchen destruction) as it is already pretty run down from how often trey uses it, so you assumed that no one would notice the small nicks and cracks you might make if there are some already.

to your horror, maybe everyone might notice?

the kitchen was a mess, with sugar and salt flying everywhere (you got confused— why are they both white?), runny egg yolks dripping from the side of the counter (you dropped them after your hands got slimey from the other eggs) and a pitch black face, from the ashy burnt meat that exploded as soon as you opened the lid. now you’re stuck with a wonky oven that won’t stop beeping and you don’t know the cause for it.

“y/n?”

you turn around. did trey or riddle get here? from the whole chaos you weren’t able to discern whose voice was calling your name.

oh. it’s jamil.

“what are you doing here???” you ask, completely forgetting the mess you’re in right now.

“I was just dropping off some beans… because trey asked for a box… what are you doing here?”

“I’m… cooking?”

“i thought you were moderately decent at cooking. this is the type of mess kalim would cause.”

you sigh. “i wanted to try something different.”

“you should’ve called me up. we could’ve made it together when i had the time.”

“i wanted to try it myself..!”

jamil rolled up his sleeves. “here. let me help.”

you frantically shake your hands.

“n-no. it’s fine! it’s my own mess anyway, i should be the one to deal with it…”

“it’s fine. i really don’t mind.”

you disappointedly cross out plan b when you get back home.

PLAN C: make jamil feel special!

you know that jamil is overworked. he’s following kalim by the tail everytime while both managing school and his own personal time. and now he’s stuck with dealing you too. sometimes you’d feel really bad because you knew he’s exhausted, but he’d always insist and that he “doesn’t mind”

jamil is kind. even if he has a sharp tongue and tends to keep to himself. he’s wary, but he’s kind. you want to give back to his kindness.

but how…?

“hey jamil!” you yelp in a sea of students. jamil can easily distinguish your voice and swipes his head to look for you. once his eyes land on you, he slowly trudges through the students, meeting you up close.

“you need anything?” he asks, as you look back at him with excited eyes.

“close your eyes.”

“why?”

“just do it.”

“why.”

“oh my god stop being so wary close your damn eyes.”

jamil closes his eyes.

he feels something stick to his forehead.

“what are you doing.”

no answer.

“what are you doing?”

no answer again.

he slowly opens his eyes to see that you’re gone. actually, he knows you’re hiding behind a wall but he’s just gonna pretend you’re not there.

a sticky note is on his forehead. he takes it off to see what it reads.

“you’re working very hard!!! remember to take breaks and drink plenty of water!!! ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ”

jamil smiles.

within the rest of the afternoon, jamil saw these sticky notes everywhere, with forms of encouragements placed in areas that somehow only jamil would manage to catch. sneaky.

however, one of them stood out the most to him

OBJECTIVE: get jamil to like me back!!

PLAN A: show my independence!

(note: just be smart and work on projects early…)

PLAN B: be helpful!!!!!!

(note: NEVER cook without a recipe ever again)

PLAN C: be nice to jamil! make him feel special!

odd. he’s pretty sure that’s not supposed to be here.

he puts the list in his pockets and walks away. he’s gonna pretend he’s never seen the list. he quite likes the attention, and enjoys watching you struggle to impress him, even though you’ve won his affections long ago.

plan c success(?) you can’t find your list anywhere though. oh well.

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH.25

I think Laios would be equally thrilled by both options, personally.

worrying is a free action, Marcille. Dash!

Chillchuck didn't even want to be here, and yet he's going through it with the rest of them. Poor guy.

I do love the small accent this translator gives Senshi. All Dwarves are Scottish trope lives on.

Ouch.

The fact that Laios falls OUT of frame in the panels up there is just. Fucking great. I love how well these are stacked, how much it portrays the suddenness of the motions despite it all happening over an entire page.

Ch....chillchuk.....

You DO care!

The balls on his halfling are giant sized.

the little scallop in there is hanging on FOR ITS LIFE it did NOT sign up for this bullshit! I absolutely cannot blame it.

oh fuck oh shit nooooo!!!! D:

do not. Do. Not.

Oh, I thought he was gonna let himself be eaten. This is MUCH worse!

A little something in mind?! A little something?!?!?!

On one hand, it's really do this or perish with your friends. Or run, like cowards. But on the other hand.... can't you just lure it away with noise? Get your friends up? Something????

These two really are so sweet. Marcille is doing her damn best, going with whatever plans anyone cooks up. You gotta feel for her, she's physically useless aside from the magic...

Can't fucking believe that worked. I would have thought he'd just go careening off onto some roof.

Yeah, that was also bound to happen. Good thing he's an hp tank....

Oh I see. That WAS the plan all along. Wonderful. Marvelous.

OW. BRO.

HOLY FUGG

the fact that he didn't crack his neck in half on his way down is a testament to how lucky this son of a bitch is.

Adrenaline is a hell of a drug

you do that, buddy.......you....do that.

[isekai-crow]

Dungeon Meshi Ep 2

The beautiful bouncy animation is soooooo good. So much sakuga and love has been put into this anime is so apparent from the very first scene.

ALSO MAN. THE FOOD and also FAT APPRECIATION IN THIS SHOW.

Not only are there characters of all sizes and body weights, with no body shaming to be found whatsoever, the fact that the wiki has everyone's BMI recorded, and there is a strong light shining on needing to eat full meals to function, and that your cravings mean your body is lacking something and you should listen are all great and important things, and I love that this show is highlighting all that.

And then there's fucking Laios.

Bless this man.

This is a lovely episode about book smarts vs street smarts, and both having their place, and that we are always learning new things.

And also lots of screaming.

Episode Spoilers Below the Cut

First off, good on y'all for fighting against the Basilisk, that was very cool teamwork with Senshi and Laios. Makes for some cool screen shots.

But Also.. This man is DYING of poison. And Senshi has the remedy, looks this man in the eye and is like, yah, nah, I'm using this for dinner.

Thankfully dinner is the cure. BUT FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Y'all PLUCK and ROAST a whole ass chicken that's the size and probably the weight of a roast pig... That's at least 10 hours of cooking, I'm sorry, that man dead lmao

lawl SUPER DEAD.

Next is Marci's experiment.

She's a little bookworm who trusts what she's learned in her classes and has to do things by the book! I love that she's not all talk though. She takes her time to set up and plan it, and executes it perfectly! She's just fine!

Juuuuuuuuust fine.

This whole after scene is delightful. I LOVE THIS SHOW. They're such a lovely little found family. Marcille being forced to be honest with her partners because she's been brain fried is good for a Tsundere, and them being reassuring to her is such a.. TTwTT lovely relationship.

THE CHICKEN IS THE TAIL. WHAT IS THIS SHOW I LOVE IT.

The other shining stars of this episode are Chilchuck and Senshi.

Poor Chilchuk, he's just a stressed out little halfling guy trying to keep his friends from dying, and not having to eat Roast Dwarf.

Senshi is full "I Will Cause Problems On Purpose" and "This Is Fine" all in one.

Capybara was like THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!! When Senshi just.. straight up had his finger in the boiling hot oil. Dwarves -> Forges -> Hot things are fine (・ω・)

perfect temperature reading. my brain often tells me to do this and I'm so glad I don't.

I love the ingenuity of using the traps to cook! Sasuga Senshi for the idea and Sasuga Chilchuck for making it a reality!!

I also appreciate that I will NEVER BE COOKING ROAST GIANT BAT, but that I'm getting a "Kewpie 5 Minute Cooking Style" recipe walk through.

Throwing in a screenshot here cause Capybara noticed how sweet it was that the Chilchuck's burnt kakiage was also lovingly drawn into the presented plate.

THE ENDING LINE QwQ

Bread can't replace meat. Nor can meat replace bread. But when they're together, they're more delicious. Both Food and People remain the same. Dungeon Meshi.

A lovely quote to wrap up the episode. The final bit could be taken a bit ominously (people are also dungeon food) but for now I'll take it with a grain of salt. (badumtsss)

[anonymouscomrade]

so with the new version of Dwarf Fortress out on Steam, lots of people are getting into it for the first time. i still don't have this new version (yet) but here's some advice going off my playing the older versions on and off for like the last thirteen years. i'm not going to get into the extreme basics as there are plenty of full guides about that, this is just some personal advice from me:

especially for your first embark, pick a mundane-ass location with plenty of vegetation and trees and normal weather. don't fuck around with deserts or evil or glaciers or savage lands if you don't know what you're doing, you'll get killed by lack of water/the undead/the cold and absolutely nothing growing/giant wild animals, respectively. good-aligned regions are usually okay, if you want at least a little bit of the fantastic in your general vicinity. use the site finder to find a place with trees, vegetation, a river/stream/some other source of running water but NO AQUIFER, and multiple deep and shallow metals. personally my favorite embarks are the borders of forests and mountains, that way you have plenty of shit to mine AND plants to eat/brew, trees to chop down and make stuff with, etc. aquifers CAN be beneficial IF you know what you're doing (essentially they're a source of infinite fresh water if you can harness them, unless you're too close to the ocean and you get a saltwater aquifer, which sucks) but they can just as easily flood your entire fortress if you fuck up in even the slightest. i've been playing this game for over a decade and even i don't know what the fuck to do with aquifers so don't ask me

i personally prefer embarks with shallow soil. soil's super-easy to farm in (you CAN farm on stone but you have to have a way to irrigate it, and that can be a pain in the ass) but IMO most of your dwarves' living and working spaces should be carved out of stone, because soil can't be smoothed and therefore can't be engraved, and dwarves like moving around in smoothed areas and seeing high-quality engravings

your first priority when starting a fort is digging out a shelter for your dwarves. then make spaces for your first few workshops (stoneworking, carpenter, mechanic, and such) so you can get doors installed on your front entrance, and then immediately get your farms up and running. all dwarven crops can be grown indoors and plump helmets are a great choice of staple crop for literally any settlement since they can be eaten, cooked, OR brewed into dwarven wine. outdoor plants have to be grown on outdoor farm plots but they're still great for adding a little variety to your booze stocks and dwarves love that. take note of what kind of trees grow around your fortress, lots of them grow stuff that can be cooked (like walnuts or almonds) or pressed for oil (like olives) or brewed (almost any fruit tree) and you might not want to cut down those apple and pear trees right next to your fort's entrance when you can use them to make cider

NEVER BUILD ANYTHING OUT OF RAW STONE, WOOD, OR METAL. one raw stone can be used to build a single tile of wall or floor, a workshop, counts as one material for a bridge, etc AND is heavy as fuck, slowing down any dwarf carrying it to where it needs to go. FUCK THAT, have your masons cut that shit into BLOCKS. a raw stone will get you anywhere from 1-4 blocks, EACH of which can be used to make anything i mentioned earlier, AND won't weigh down your haulers or builders when they're carrying it. wood and metal can be cut into blocks too, if you need to make walls or floors or what have you out of those. HOWEVER, remember that blocks CAN'T be used in ANY crafting (that includes wooden blocks for burning in forges, making charcoal, etc), so once it's been cut into blocks, it's blocks FOREVER. you're gonna have a shitton of stone around almost any fort so making rock blocks is a good way to train new masons, but i'd only make wood or metal blocks if i needed those specifically

make some mugs early on, your dwarves like drinking out of them more than sticking their heads under the spigot. don't worry about individual bedrooms early on, you can absolutely get away with just sticking a bunch of beds in a big room at the beginning of your fort and digging out rooms later when you're more stable. don't build most workshops out in the open, dig out a room for each one and put in doors you can lock for each one. you'll thank me the first time one of your dwarves goes berserk after failing a strange mood and you can just lock them in there instead of letting them rampage around and beating your other dwarves to death

rock crafts will probably be your main trade good early on. most forts will have stone just laying around, absolutely fucking everywhere, so you might as well put it to use by carving little trinkets out of it and trading it for whatever the caravans bring

break into the caverns ASAP and then IMMEDIATELY seal that shit up. the easiest way to do this is digging an up/down stairway until the game lets you know you've found a cavern, then put a hatch cover on the stairs going immediately down into the cavern and lock it. you're not going to be able to handle hostile cavern creatures early on, but breaking into the caverns releases CAVE MOSS SPORES so ANY underground soil tile can start naturally growing moss or fungus. this is functionally identical to grass, so this means you'll be able to pasture your animals INSIDE, keeping them safe from any wild predators that might come along like wolverines or bears as well as keeping goblin raiding parties from using them for target practice

get a militia going sooner rather than later. a good array of traps and a locked door might keep the first couple bands of goblin invaders away, but larger armies of them are more likely to get through traps and keep you from sending your dwarves outdoors until they get bored and leave. were-beasts are not deterred by either, being capable of avoiding traps AND smashing down doors, and the bad guys only get tougher from there. check your migrants' skills, they always arrive as civilians so the guy with a title of "peasant" who isn't good at ANY labor might actually be pretty skilled with a mace. dwarves with only more esoteric skills like cheesemakers or gem setters are also good candidates for bolstering your military, once they get some training under their belt

IN GENERAL, for military purposes: wood/bone/leather <<<<<<<<<<<<<< silver <<<<<<<<<< copper < bronze < iron < steel < [REDACTED]. some exceptions: silver absolutely sucks for everything EXCEPT blunt weapons, where it suddenly becomes the best material in the game; pure copper is better than bronze for blunt weapons but bronze is better for edged weapons and far better for armor; bronze is only a hair below iron in terms of general military use. your greenest recruits who aren't fit for battle yet might actually benefit from wearing leather armor while they're training so it weighs them down less (at least until they get a few ranks of Armor User), but absolutely all of your actual fighters should be wearing metal helmets. [REDACTED] is the opposite of silver, it's the best metal in the game EXCEPT for blunt weapons which it absolutely sucks ass at. making steel is labor-intensive and time-consuming and requires specific materials and also kind of overkill since only dwarves can make it, but it's by far the best general-purpose military-grade metal you're going to possibly get reasonable quantities of

save metallic crossbow bolts for fights. wooden and bone bolts can't get through most armor but since wild animals aren't known for wearing armor, if you have hunters they will take prey down just fine without metal bolts. likewise, your marksmen should be training with wooden and bone bolts so they're not wasting metal ones on target dummies. yeah this means you'll need to constantly crank out wooden and bone bolts, pretty much

might add to these later if i think of anything else

[crystalelemental]

We have finished the Dungeon Meshi anime. I'll type out thoughts, but I feel like I can easily summarize as "It's really good, you should watch it." I was also asked to talk about favorite characters so like. Get ready for that one.

As a whole, Dungeon Meshi is excellent. My wife has an anecdote she likes to tell about it, where before we even watched it, I told her about the general premise and that people were talking about it and it sounded neat and I wanted to pick it up if she'd like to watch. And as happens sometimes, I get the response of "I'll probably look at my phone and just watch it in the background," which is usually "I'm not too interested but put on what you want to put on." And after the first episode she was completely invested. The show is really charming really fast.

Thing is, for as fun adventure as it starts, it does a lot seriously that lands spectacularly well. The first instance of "oh wow, this show is for real" is the well-documented living armor bit. The biology that goes into these monsters is amazing. My personal favorite is still the treasure bugs and mimics interaction, which is just incredible to me, but every time they talk about monster biology and their function it's a treat.

Exploration stuff is also really cool. There's another great post that went around talking about how this party really is more of an old-school dungeon crawler party, where skills for survival like Chilchuck's are essentially the most valuable, rather than combat ability. It does really have that feel, and it's great. I also just love how some of the magic works. Things like mana sickness are cool, but resurrection is my personal favorite. They make a big deal about the black magic kind being forbidden, but watching it in action, it functions just like the stuff that's on the level; blood pools and congeals back in the body, the black magic just involved reconstructing flesh. Marcille's point about black magic not being inherently bad is fair; it doesn't seem all that different. But perceptions are really different regarding it.

They haven't delved too far into it yet, but there are tensions between the fantasy races, and plenty of biases going around. Some are a bit more obvious, like Marcille really not trusting the orcs, while others are more like Shuro's one party member who just refers to the dwarves as just "dwarf," even as she's praising Senshi's cooking. Kabru's got his own hangups regarding how the elves handle things with the dungeons, and openly admits to the imbalance in power between races and how that negatively impacts everyone. I imagine this starts to be more prominent in the second half now that all the establishing stuff is done.

As for cast...they're really strong. Laios' group is all great, I loved them all. Marcille is my favorite, personally, because of course she is. From silly magic elf girl, to oh she's actually super smart, to oh she's super smart in ancient criminal magic fuck yeah girl. Marcille's a delight. Chilchuck was the easy least favorite of the group starting out, but he's really grown on me. Izutsumi is peak cat. Laios is really interesting as a protagonist, I like him a lot. I think the conflicts he gets into are...very real, in a way. Like, he has amazing strengths that make him great at what he's doing, but the flaws in his character inform what struggles they encounter in a really believable way. I like him a lot. Senshi is cool. Falin needs more time, and you have no idea how bummed I am that the season ended with a little snapshot that Chimera Falin and Thistle are having hijinks off-screen, I need that spinoff.

The other groups are less developed, but I'm sure Aera will be happy to hear this: god damn do I love Kabru. This dude rules. I saw people talk about him on Tumblr so I recognized him the instant he showed up, but his first "proper" introduction is stupendous, showing his general people-reading and ability to gather information, and his adherence to a sense of justice that's just as much about meting out punishment as anything else. Him killing those dudes was great, loved that. And the barely concealed excitement over black magic is hilarious. Then he gets to show off that he's basically an assassin class, knowing where to strike for instant kills, has a whole chat with Shuro about recognizing the racial discrepancy in the world at large, and tries to play an entire room full of elves. I dunno, like the guy a lot. He's shrewd, and he's got moxie. I do admit that, while I get the fandom is really attached to Laios and Kabru as a ship, I...have no strong feelings about it. I do, oddly, like him and Rin. Their dynamic in the show was fairly cute, and admittedly some supplemental material I saw posted really got me invested in her. The rest of his party...I have no particular feelings about. It's just him and Rin to me for now.

Shuro's party is even less interesting. I do like Shuro, I think he's a really neat character. But his group hasn't done anything all that interesting to me yet. They kinda showed up to get bodied by Chimera Falin and drive tension as the group that first knows about black magic.

Similar deal with Namari's group? If anything I think the old gnome dude is in the running for general least favorite character. I don't hate the guy, but he's done nothing to endear himself. I have no strong perspectives yet.

For characters that need more time in the oven, there is the question of the Canaries. I've seen a tidbit about them, but my general assumption of them is the whole "Canary in the coalmine," they're the frontliners for dungeons that are sent in and risk death to assess the threat level. Which is neat, would like to know what that deal is. But #1 most invested in learning more about is Thistle. Love that design, love the general vibe he puts out, but also the reveal that he was hired as the court jester who happened to also become the most powerful mage of the kingdom is really, really good. That's both hilarious and awesome. I don't even know this guy and I think he's the shit.

I am wildly invested in season 2, and if it weren't for me working for a school and going through summer months unpaid, I'd probably be buying the entire manga like right now. As it stands I'll have to wait a bit for that, but it's probably happening. I've seen plenty of commentary about things the anime couldn't fit in that are hilarious or interesting, and it feels like one I'd like to read as well, even if I plan to fully go through the anime. Huge fan, glad we got an immediate announcement of season 2, really looking forward to more.

[sorcerous-caress]

Worldbuilding and human kink? Is it my birthday /lh. This has me googling “halfling sex” and being a little surprise someone has thought about it enough to write a generously large paragraph.

Apparently it’s not uncommon for them to have more casual sex with close neighbors and friends indulging in it together. I genuinely think it would be hilarious for a halfling with a human, elf, drow, orc, dwarf, etc (the more uptight races) friend/neighbor to ‘seduce’ and then being very friendly and kind, but not exclusive or even inherently romantic.

Halflings 🤝 Humans

Being horny on main.

Oh my god imagine a poly relationship that's a human who thinks this is a casual friends with benfits deal, a halfing who thinks everyone here is just friends, and one high elf who acts as if they're robbing a bank whenever they watch the human go down on the halfing.

Add a dragonborn who is sweating over which one of those people is gonna end up as their mate for life, who isn't phased by the sex but it's the romance part that's considered a big taboo in their culture to even date someone for love, so imagine seeing more tha one person?

High elves being sex repressed 🤝 Dragonborns being romance repressed

Also I really love world building AAAAA i wanna invent shit and make shit up and shake it around like a snow globe. I believe elves went to the moon much sooner than humans with just magic, dwarves have found fallen space rocks and meteors and used them to forge their weapons, winged elves or any species who can fly already mapped the world and drew all the know maps before humans even learned how to tame horses.

Also the horses is funny, elves has seen them all their lives but never bothered to tame it because it feels weird yk? Why would they ride on an animal, plus their cousin is a centaur so it feels even more weird.

Then they see the humans coaxing the horses with carrots while holding a saddle behind their back, skip a few years and suddenly the horse population skyrockects as humans steal this one animal to their side.

Imagine being a wood elf and in harmony with all of nature, then glancing over at the human city and feeling very confused on what these weird wolves are and why do the humans call them dogs, also why are they obeying the humans and holy shit that one is wearing bowtie.

Occasionally humans just wander into the forest, spot an animal that seems semi useful then kidnap it back to their city, suddenly their population spikes and they're the new best friends of humanity.

It happened the other way with cats tho, the wood elves remember overhearing two cats talking about the hairless apes wandering around and how one was betting the other that they can get them to share their food by just screaming at them.

Humans probably inspired their cuisine based on halflings' recipes since they didn't add soul consuming spices for fun like elves and didn't sprinkle in literal gem and gold dust like dragonborns.

A human with a Halfling neighbour who comes over every other day to share their stew because "they accidentally made too much and can't possibly finish it all themselves so how about you grab a bowl or two, human?"

One day the human makes a joke about how they're a simp or going to horny jail, whatever modern shitposting meme is trending, and the halfling takes it seriously and offers to sleep with them.

I mean, that is basic neighbourly hospitality to them. Of course they will fuck their friend who is in need, you don't even have to ask twice, come here and lay down and they'll take care of you until satisfied.

Now their trips over to your house are twice as frequent, half to feed you their cooking, other half to sate your lust appetite.

[theluckywizard]

Kiss Me Moonstruck, Ch 4: Some Manner of Street Fight

Hawke x Trevelyan | DA2 | Matchmaking Mischief | Fluff and Smut | Fish out of Water | Romantic Comedy

Chapter Summary: Garrett Hawke has to deal with the grasping rat who interrupted his introduction to the Trevelyans. Unfortunately, all his friends— and enemies— want to talk about is her. Fic Summary: Smashed together in a matchmaking scheme cooked up by their enterprising mothers, Garrett Hawke and Rose Trevelyan are forced to endure one another for a whole week over Satinalia at the Hawke Estate. Rose hears he’s a swashbuckling treasure hunter, as wild as he is handsome and as ill-bred as he is rich. Garrett suspects she’s a brat of an ingenue with a string of rejected marriage proposals behind her. Determined to prove to the other that they could not be less compatible, they quickly find their mothers’ plot might be working better than they thought.

Excerpt under the cut 👇

“Extortion’s never really been a favorite of mine, you know,” says Garrett cheerfully, drawing his sword from the sheath swinging at his side. He tosses it lightly in a little show, admiring how the torchlight flashes on each side of the fuller. “But shameless creature that I am, I suppose I’m tough to blackmail.” “A man does what he must,” says Dougal, easy tucked amid his muscle. “You’ve already interrupted Hawke’s special day,” says Isabela. “Now you’re threatening to kill his mother?” She looks impressed by the gall. Or his stupidity. “Oh ho!” cries Dougal, his brows bouncing high. “Special day?” Garrett rolls his eyes lightly. “It’s not that special.” “Well now you have to tell me,” says the rat. Garrett grumbles his way into relenting. “If you must know—”   “—Hawke’s mother is trying to set him up with a wife!” finishes Merrill, utterly delighted. “A wife? You?” Dougal’s initial snickers quickly escalate into a wheezing laugh that doubles him over. He clutches his side, recovering himself while his men chuckle along dutifully. Frankly, Garrett couldn’t agree more. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m claiming my due now. She’ll drain your coffers dry and run off with the stable boy.” Garrett smiles, shaking his head as he slips his shield onto his left arm. “Unfortunately for you, today’s not your day,” he says. He gestures with his chin at the men around Dougal. “Why don’t you let all these nice people head along home to their lovely spouses and fight me man to man like the Maker intended?” “You and I both know I pay good coin for this backup.” “Good, is it?” Garrett asks. He turns to the dwarves. “I’ll pay you double this month’s wages to fuck right off right now! Toss in a wheel of cheese for your trouble!” They shift uncomfortably on their feet, trading a few stolen glances, but ultimately remain silent. “You can’t buy their loyalty. They’re all family!” laughs Dougal in triumph. “Though maybe you don’t quite understand. I heard you notoriously lost your family during your little expedition.” “Bold blazing words from an actual turkey. Come on then. Let’s get this over with.”

Read the rest here Start the fic here

My goobers (illustration by me from my DA:I long fic)

DAFF Crew:

@about2dance | @ar-lath-ma-cully | @blarrghe | @bluewren | @breninarthur

@crackinglamb | @delicatefade | @dreadfutures | @effelants | @exalted-dawn-drabbles |

@hekaerges | @inquisimer | @ir0n-angel | @leggywillow |

@oxygenforthewicked | @plisuu | @rakshadow | @rosella-writes | @warpedlegacy

[modeus-the-unbound]

Cooking some food, so while I wait on that to finish. Lemme give yall some potentially cursed Voice Headcanons I had for the Dungeon Meshi gang before the anime came out.

Laois & Falin: Honestly, the anime nailed it...mostly. Consider it personal bias but I gave Laois and Falin some country accents in my head. Either Alabama or West Virginian depending on the day. They just seem like they got some "Country Bumpkin" energy.

Marcille: Considering I still read her name as "Mar-Silly-A" you might expect me to have given her a french accent, but no. I always read her voice kinda like a slightly higher pitched and panicked version of Asami's from Legend of Korra.

Senshi: A soft spoken Gimli, with no specific accent outside of fantasy dwarf. (I know it's based on a real accent, but fantasy dwarf is not the same as real scottish) I watched too much Lord of the Rings and now it's the default way all dwarves sound in mah brain.

Chilchuck: Before learning he was a middle aged man, Anime voice is pretty accurate. After learning he was a middle aged man, for some reason MoistCritikal (current youtube name Penguinz0) and I can't explain why.

Itsuzumi: Catra. Literally just Catra from She-ra. They have a similar "Fuck yall, I got mine!" Energy.

Bonus!

Thistle: Like a more pissy and bratty 9S from Nier automata. Listen, both are twinky sad boys I could carry like a football if I wanted.

Chimera Falin: I don't think she speaks, but I assumed she would make grunts and noises like a mix of the Deathclaw in Fallout and bird trills due to the mix of Dragon and Harpy features.

Kabru: Beastboy. From the OG Teen-Titans cartoon, not Teen-Titans Go. He just looks like the kind of dude to have a naturally disarming sound to his voice. (Would you expect a beastboy sounding person to be schemeing?)

[lesbiansforboromir]

Just saw your posts abt the return to Moria songs - was about to ask if you'd got your hands on the game yet! After the trainwreck of the gollum game I'm rlly interested in your opinions/thoughts on return to Moria, lore wise and mechanically as a game, the trailers always looked great & development sounded like it was going well but since it came out I've mostly been seeing poor reviews. What's the lesbiansforboromir verdict so far?

RTM?? HAS?? POOR REVIEWS?? I'll- m. I suppose. People are entitled to be wrong. Anyway well I fucking love this game.

Honestly I dont want to talk about it as a game like the gameplay is fun, I like exploring and mining and making my little bases with all my friends okay, do you want to be a dwarf and do dwarf things in The Dwarf Place with 7 of your little dwarf friends?? Yes?? Good! The game is literally only 31£ which in comparison to most titles that come out these days is so emminently affordable I was honestly shocked I could get it.

I suppose to be clear I was a beta tester for this game like I've been rooting for it for ages so I guess I was primed to enjoy it but!! Like!! What I actually want to talk about is Return to Moria as a piece of art earnestly engaging in dwarven spirituality and narrative as something moving and poignant in and of itself. The mood and narrative of the game is built more on the experience of playing the game than any story or dialogue.

You have come from any corner of dwarvendom, at Gimli's calling, to reclaim Khazad-dum after Sauron's destruction. For some reason though, the doors both east and west are blocked, the pass code no longer works. In attempting to mine through there is an accident and you fall through the floor into Moria, alone.

Now, I would posit that there are two very different games within this game. On the one hand, you can play with friends. You fell through with a few other dwarves and after finding each other you begin to figure out what to do. You deligate tasks of resource collecting and exploration and base building, someone will cook breakfast for the group in the morning for you to all have together, when you mine together your voices join up into lovely shanty-like melodies and at the end of a hard day or some victory you have a mug of ale together and sing around a fire. If you fall, there is someone to pick you up and the burden of the shadow is born by all, it feels right. You can also distribute different 'masterworks' between all of you, so you are never in the dark, you can always mine swiftly through obstacles and someone can offer you a restorative if you need one. The feeling is so right, like this is simply how dwarves always should be, and as you more rapidly clear rubble and repair the world around you the sense of togetherness and reclaiming a home are very powerful. You still long for Durin's return, you sing his song together each time you mend his statues (all my group instinctively waited for everyone to be gathered before mending any of Durin's statues) but you also feel a part of the great dwarven whole and it makes the game a kind of hopeful determined experience. Like yes the damage of the past is great, and the future is uncertain, you have no guiding light. But you do, you have each other, the dwarves will endure and bring their own light to dark places once again. Together.

But if you are playing alone? It is an entirely different experience. And the singing is really the clearest expression of that difference. Whereas with friends your voice will be raised with your fellows and produce really pleasant melodies, alone there is only you. It seems obvious, but there is something about being on your own, mining an iron vein because you need weapons and armour to defend yourself against the orcs that you can see and hear watching you from the darkness, waiting to strike, and you begin to sing, just to yourself, in a voice that is often not particularly beautiful, but you have to do something just to make yourself feel less alone, to calm your own nerves when you feel like a wolf could silently creep up behind you and attack at any moment (a real threat that happens a great deal during solo-play). It is not joyful anymore, it is desperate, you always start off by humming as though you need to psych yourself up to actually raising your voice in the hollow halls. You are always running out of space in your inventory, one dwarf alone cannot carry everything needed to set up safe havens everywhere you want, and as for masterworks? You have to choose between easy light and a raft of other far more useful things like a cask of miruvor, an unbreakable shield, a pickaxe that cuts your mining time in half! You will still choose the light in the end. Where all the leftover dilapidated bases you find felt cosy with friends, now they feel empty, too much space for just one dwarf. You drink and dance alone now, at the end of a weary day, trying to buoy yourself into enduring another one tomorrow, there is no one to celebrate successes or commiserate failures with. And it FEELS wrong, a dwarf alone in here feels wrong, that community you want to turn too for guidance isn't there, and neither is Durin. The sensation that King Thorin Stonehelm III was right, that you should have waited for Durin's return before trying to restory Khazad-dum, is most powerful in soloplay.

The only time you feel that togetherness, that you dont feel alone, is when you mend one of Durin's statues. Whilst you start off singing the song of durin alone, as you continue other voices join you in an uplifting veneration that every dwarf knows. It's the only time in solo-play that you will hear more voices than just your own. It's like a way to connect to the great whole that is the dwarven people, that you are so cut off from right now but that is never wholly gone, as Durin is also never wholly gone. He is the conduit that connects every dwarf in the world and the longing for him is far more potent in playthroughs where he is the only dwarf you can turn too. Despair is a literal mechanic in the game that will slowly sap your life away if you spend too much time alone in the dark.

So a solo experience of the game more emphasises this fear of the future, fear of the unknown, of walking alone into a world that is dark and dangerous and full of pain and loss. You still have victories, but it is gruelling and each one feels more miraculous.

So that's my take, also obligatory mention of the coolest fucking multiplayer gaming moment of my life where me and three friends walked the pilgrim's road of Durin, found the source of the Kibil-nala where a great monument is built as shrine to Durin's passage, restored it and sang to it together (all of us deathly silent in voice chat just to listen) and the song ending just before we were attacked by a horde of orcs rushing into the chamber whereupon us FFFUCKING NERD ASS BITCHES turned around yelling (in our real human voices, not discussed beforehand) 'Baruk Khazad' and 'Khazad ai-menu' with our weapons raised and defeated the orcs at the threshold LIKE... Theoden screaming 'death' levels of adhrenaline and emotional investment I tell you.

Anyway I have to go now, LOTRO's Umbar update finally downloaded ciao

[thewitchkingiscool-ace]

Why can’t i be bilbo baggins

Why can’t i go on adventures with the company of thorin oakenshield

Why can’t i be practically married to thorin

Why can’t i be hugged by thorin after saving his life

Why can’t i be given a mithril shirt that’s worth more than the shire and is the second most valuable thing in erebor

Why can’t thorin be in love with me

Why can’t i go on awesome adventures with dwarves that are cool as fuck and are like the purest souls ever

Why can’t i yell at the sackville-bagginses and complain about my neighbours but also be a rlly respected hobbit

Why can’t i just be a hobbit

Why can’t i sneak around wearing a ring and pull pranks on people

Why can’t that be me

I would give all the money i own to trade souls with bilbo

He’s so fucking lucky and is the sassiest little king in the whole world

Why can’t i be ✨Barrel-rider ✨

Why can’t i live in a cosy little hole in the ground and sit late at night by the fire cooking a nice warm soup with a cup of ale or tea with my furry hobbit feet up on a foot rest

Why can’t i spend hours in my study writing about my sick as hell adventures and reminisce about all the good things and definitely not get sad about a certain something that definitely didn’t happen

Why can’t i be some cool uncle with amazing stories and sit telling children about trolls turning to stone and be like a celebrity in the shire

Why can’t I live in bag-end

Why can’t i be so loved in my village that the entire fucking lot come to my birthday party

Why can’t i stand up in front of them like a god calling them all by their surnames and hearing them cheer with pride at the mention of their heritage

Why, oh why, can’t i be bilbo baggins

[cheesewithasideofcheese]

The Small Things

Sindri x gn!reader

I have been psychoanalyzing Sindri cause I don’t want to get his character wrong but it might be a bit OOC. I think the last time I wrote a fic was in 6th grade so my grammar and spelling might be off.

Consists of headcannons and a short blurb, Sindri is implied to have OCD and anxiety, fluff, relatively short

To start with, because of his mysophobia he struggles to express his emotions physically so he usually leans towards gift giving.

You want a weapon? Coming right up. Jewelry? He found some spare medal and molded it into a charm. Food? He’s annoying Brok till he cracks and cooks up a soup.

Honestly no matter if you’re a Midgardian, dwarf, or god and a warrior then he will be riddled with anxiety.

He thinks he’s good at hiding it but it’s pretty obvious because he’ll start mass producing weapons. The second you turn your back and start heading out he’s got three swords, two bows, and 10 daggers cooling from the kiln(I forgot whatever the hell you call those oven things you heat metal up in).

May threaten Kratos just a bit about keeping you safe but will instantly fold once Kratos looks him in the eyes.

But once he see’s you back it’s like the weight on his heart rolls off. Man’s practically skipping as if he wasn’t seeing you at every outpost to jazz up your weapons.

Another thing he loves is spending time with you. If you like reading then you can read out load for him from a book you both designate as the best to read without getting too lost. Kinda hates poetry for that reason but if it doesn’t have any flowery language and not too abstract than he’ll allow it (he says that as if he can say no to you if you present a poem with enough fire in your eyes). It’s the best when you’re both winding down to sleep and he drifts off, completely at peace. He does get a little pissed if he finds out you’ve read ahead of you and will give you the cold shoulder for a couple days if you spoil anything.

He’s above the clouds if you just hangout with him when him and his brother are at work. Loves when you just sit and talk to him when he’s working because it eases some of his impulsive habits of constantly checking every step of the process. Brok made a snarky comment one day about him slacking whenever you’re around watching but shuts up after being pelted with scrap medal.

“SINDRI”

“OH NO“

The sword’s(if you’d call it that at this point) metal had melted and caught fire in the kiln, some spilling out onto the wooden floors of the dwarves house leaving a charred black mark in its wake.

This wasn’t the first time this has happened and Brok assumed it wouldn’t be the last. Sindri had gotten caught up in staring at them and zoned off. The book they were reading was long forgotten as they tried to help Sindri with the mess but he kept trying to usher them away which just left the molten metal more time to seep into the wooden floors.

“What the fuck is wrong with you! This is the third time this month!”

Brok yelled at Sindr, most of it flying past him as he put out the small fire. Sindri breathed out as the fire was smothered and was left with useless globs of metal. It really made him thankful of Draupnir. He didn’t reply to Brok and made the frazzled warrior turn over their hands to inspect for any burns. As they settled back in routine the sound of clanking metal filled the room it was broken by the blue dwarven brother.

“Didn’t take ya for such a airhead”

Brok should have predicted the flying metal directed at him and Sindri should have predicted the little quarrel after the fact. He eventually stormed into the kitchen to cool off but was interrupted by the warrior peering around the corner.

“You okay”

He couldn’t stop the goofy little smile that spread across his cheeks. He could never get enough of their presence could he, it was like his own little paradise when no one was around. With another sign of relief he approached them and with a little touch to their back that seemed to startle them he said.

“Only when you’re around”

——————————————————————————

Had fun writing this so if you want to commission more you can and I’d love criticism too cause it’s been far too long since I’ve written like this. It’s also so much fun to ignore my missing late assignments and do these instead 😍.

Tag list:

@alondrashultz

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi - Quick Reacts (CHAPTER 14: Kelpie)

You know, I understand why people are annoyed by her attitude towards Senshi’s food and Laios’ tastes, but you gotta admit she’s trying her best. 

this is another one of these things that don’t really come up in games but... thank fuck they have flowing water. That would be a real deal breaker if you want to survive. And they can shave and brush their teeth? It’s a miracle.

To be fair, I think Senshi’s beard is probably its own ecosystem by now. He probably uses it as a scrub brush. 

At least if she does that, you’ll be picking way less dwarf hair out of your food. Come on guys, we know that stuff gets in there when he cooks. 

someone get this woman to design a whole ass game. 

Water walk! Good wizard. 

is Senshi afraid of water?! Dwarves I swear.....

Aww, their first party fight! I’m shocked at how coordinated Laios and Chilchuck are. 

HE’S STILL SINKING, JUST SLOWLY.

HIS BEARD? It repels magic... 😂

Laios, you don’t look as sure as you sound. 

Oh. OH yEAH. There will be NO repercussions for THAT. 

Marcille’s little “Anne.” isn’t even a question. She’s just disappointed. 

Meanwhile, that Kelpie straight up wants the blood and guts soaked into his beard.

Didn’t that thing... walk.... out from UNDER the water though? 

That seems extreme as well, but I’m on this hill with Laios and his distrust of horses. 

I see someone speaks from experience. 

Yeah, I could have maybe seen that coming. 

Though I AM legitimately disappointed by this turn of events.

Horses are horrifying when they’re given dog mouths - confirmed. 

...actually hold on

Horses are horrifying when they’re given dog mouths - confirmed.

Marcille’s been on the protein I see. 

Laios, you are right but also your little pet monster will eat you one day. For no though, the fact that you almost drowned it is adorable. 

Don’t you though? I imagine if anyone understands how monsters think, it would be you, Laios. 

It’s true that he loved her. It’s also true that letting her rot without using her would be a waste. In a way, she will carry them further this way. 

oooh, is she making soap? 

There’s something about the idea of using things you have at your disposal that makes this really cool. The fact that everything they’re making, aside from very special ingredients like olive oil, are all scavenged and created with their own hand is... I don’t know... heartwarming? 

THEY’RE!!!! BONDING!!!!

Weirdly heartwarming.

Maybe just let it air dry--

whEEZE---- I CAN’T--

There he goes............the magnificent beast............

GROUP HUG! aww

.......................... coding, man. No matter what century, that one typo will get ya.

The real BBEG was the lack of unions all along...............

YOU ASKED FIRST, YOU DINGUS. 😂

All that said, Laios doesn’t strike me as someone interested in romance. 

this is just a magical hermit crab.

NOOO HE JUST WANTED TO VIBE

You guys could probably make a fortune as dungeon delvers if you weren’t after Falin.

Who knows if souls exist? Haven’t you all died multiple times?

............Well, they do have skin and a squishy inside, and they grow..... checks out.

........you know what? I’ll take it. Wine? Necromancy. Cheese? Necromancy. Natto? DEFINITELY necromancy. 

Marcille doesn’t drink?

...........is this doodle-bob all over again? 

Senshi, who nearby died by Kelpie: WHY DON’T THEY WANT MY LIVER? IT’S GOOD FOR THEM!

.....................like respects like. These two are on the same frequency. 

If we’re being nitpicky about it, Anne never actually bit Senshi. She went after the Mimic. Maybe she just got tired because he was fucking heavy........ 

Horses, man. 

[lonesomedreamer]

The Rings of Power Liveblog: Adrift (Episode 2)

In between watching the first and second halves of this episode, I was looking back through the Appendices and realized that the events this series covers, from the reemergence of Sauron in Middle-earth to the eventual forging of the various Rings, span 1200 years! So it’s kind of absurd to think of them somehow adapting those events “accurately” (which makes you wonder why they made some of the narrative choices they did…).

The idea of Galadriel swimming back across the sea to Middle-earth is laughable, but tbh what else can she attempt to do in this situation?

The fire around the Stranger isn’t hot because…magic, I guess?

Nori’s a darling.

Arondir is being all self-sacrificing and stupid noble by going to explore the scary tunnels alone…good thing he probably has plot armor.

People who haven’t read The Silmarillion: Who the fuck is Fëanor? What are the Silmarils?!?

Helpfully, Elrond tells us that they were “the jewels that contain the very light of Valinor.” Oversimplified, sure, but that’s the kind of exposition the first episode needed: Tolkien 101 for people who know nothing about Tolkien (beyond, probably, some movies)!

As someone who can’t roll their Rs, the aggressively exaggerated pronunciation of “Sauron,” “Morgoth,” and now “Silmaril” makes me feel…kind of inept.

That said, a) do they even have the rights to tell this Morgoth story? and b) exposition between two characters who already know it (and I guarantee that Elrond knows the story Celebrimbor is telling rn…) is mildly annoying.

Elrond Half-elven, “as noble and fair as an elf-lord, as strong as a warrior, as wise as a wizard, as venerable as a king of dwarves, and as kind as summer” a Kiss-ass

Good set design! Tbh, I wish Rivendell had been portrayed more like this in the PJ movies: a little richer, with more wood and warm golden light.

Why is Celebrimbor in such an arbitrary hurry to build this forge? A few months is nothing to an Elf!

“How far outside [our own race]?” Well, I just don’t know, Celebrimbor, who else in Middle-earth is renowned for their metallurgy? Which race has yet to be portrayed in this—oh, right.

Please book me a trip to Middle-earth.

“Their prince, Durin, is an old and dear friend.” And yet Elrond, one of the wisest people in Middle-earth, doesn’t know what “Durin’s Day” is when it comes up in The Hobbit. If he had a near-fraternal bond with a Dwarf prince, wouldn’t he be aware of significant Dwarven holidays?

I know this Elrond is just supposed to be younger and less experienced, but he’s coming across as kind of dumb.

Khazad-dûm looks incredible.

So the Dwarves have Scottish accents, the Harfoots Irish, and the Elves English? But the Men also have English accents, just less refined? Hmm. Choices were made.

I would die for her nbd. ♥

Gee, I wonder why everyone is speculating about Gandalf.

“Looks can be deceiving.” Given that I know who this character turns out to be, this dialogue is a little…heavy-handed.

The whole water dragon (?) sequence was so silly. Just like the “ice troll”.

It’s almost like “Elrond is besties with this Dwarf prince” subplot was a bad idea cooked up only to create some pointless, petty interpersonal conflict. It also makes it painfully obvious that there’s no reason Celebrimbor, an Elf, would be in a big hurry to build anything.

“Gamli” is the really best name they could come up with for Durin’s son? Pretty sure Durin’s son was also named Durin. I cross-checked the Appendices and could not find a “Gamli” anywhere…

Do Durin and Disa, the crown prince and princess of Khazad-dûm, have no servants? They’re just welcoming a guest into their house, fussing with their children, and serving dinner like regular folk. Where is a single one of the dozens of extras that we just saw in a previous scene??

What is it with the tendency of Tolkien adaptations to show the Dwarves as less than dignified? (i.e., Durin belching loudly at the dinner table.) Gimli was reduced to comic relief, and the Dwarves in the Hobbit films who aren’t meant to be seen as goofy—Thorin, Fili and Kili—are much more like Men than the other Dwarves. Tolkien felt VERY strongly about Dwarves being a proud and noble race! Respect that!!!

“Aulë’s beard!” I love this. (People who haven’t read the Silmarillion: Who’s Aulë?!)

“I am simply wondering what manner of man would so readily abandon his companions to death.” Big Elizabeth Swann energy.

There are so many problems with making this character a hot human dude. I’m glad I already know the truth about his identity, though—I don’t have to come around to “Halbrand” or (even worse) start shipping him with Galadriel. I can just be indignant.

Based on what we know about the duplicitous behavior as [redacted], you’d think Halbrand would be a little bit more…suave? Charming? Anything but this blunt, confrontational asshole.

People sure can cover ground quickly in Middle-earth. Unbelievably fast travel for the sake of moving the story along is a problem in almost all fantasy TV shows, mind you. If they only budgeted for 10 episodes instead of 8…or even (gasp) 13…

Why do Orcs look like straight-up horror movie villains now?

Also it’s so convenient that this Orc appeared beneath Bronwyn’s house on the same day she tried to convince her fellow villagers about the Orc tunnel threat.

Their pathetic little raft wouldn’t survive this, lol.

WHY does Halbrand save Galadriel? Repeatedly?? Did they think about this at all? There is nothing human, selfless, or compassionate about [redacted], lmfao.

As magical as this looks, Nori and Poppy’s “firefly” lanterns aren’t flickering, and anyone who’s ever seen fireflies knows that their glow isn’t consistent. They blink individually.

Same, Poppy. I also get freaked out when I see a firefly die.

The Appendices tell us that the Dwarves came to the military aid of the Elves and that they were as closely allied with Celebrimbor/Eregion as at any time in their shared history. So why are they making King Durin such a bullheaded, racist prick? (I know: for drama.)

Is the narrative implying that the shining object in King Durin’s chest is…what, a Silmaril? Because it sure as fuck shouldn’t be.

No, little emo kid, don’t take the broken Sauron sword that will surely attract evil to your people as they flee their village!

Bronwyn’s entire village is pretty easy to scare despite their generally gruff attitudes, aren’t they? At least they’re not completely stupid/have some sense of self-preservation.

The Good:

There’s still some stunning imagery to be had in this one, namely Khazad-dûm and the surrounding mountains

Likewise, some really nice set design in Eregion and especially Khazad-dûm

Nori!!!

A little exposition for non-readers (though maybe still not enough)

The Bad:

Most of the acting was weaker than in first episode, not that the writers gave anyone much to work with

Weak writing throughout: the dialogue’s not great. The characters’ motivations/choices don’t make much sense. Most of the scenarios they find themselves in vary from illogical (Elrond, Arondir) to unbelievable (Galadriel).

Why is the Stranger—Gandalf or Radagast or whoever he is—mute? And why does Nori keep assuming that she can understand/communicate with him??

No respect for the Dwarves, as usual

Too much stuff is convenient or coincidental, i.e., the perfectly-timed Orc appearance in Bronwyn’s house and the improbable survival of Halbrand’s raft

Meaning no disrespect to gamers, there were more “video game” type scenes—specifically, the water “dragon” and the Orc in Bronwyn’s house—which added nothing to the story and told us anything about the characters.

Halbrand. Yes, I am biased by knowing the twist.

I didn’t feel like this episode was that much worse than the first while I was watching it, but after reading over this, it’s obvious that it was quite a step down in quality. The first one felt, in most places, like a heartfelt homage to Tolkien’s world in ways this one just didn’t. But I love Nori to bits, and the visuals are still amazing, so I will persevere.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

Tav’s sex parade – Chapter 9: Doing it like nature intended (Halsin x Tav)

(Warning: graphic description of sex, smut, doggy-style, feels)

Notes:

Karlach’s and Wyll’s faith and Tav’s promise to them are based on one of my other fics.

As always, I'm a sucker for names and their meanings.

Mair: star of the sea (considered a Welsh diminutive of Mary)

Halgren: Swedish, 'hall' = 'rock' & 'gren' = 'branch'

Tav was delighted when she returned from her little trip across Northern Faerûn and found Halsin in Gale's living room, sunbathing with the pets. Gale cooked for them and over dinner, Tav and Halsin talked about their individual journeys.

Afterwards, freshly bathed, Tav and Halsin spent some quality time together. The druid was an attentive lover, eating her out enthusiastically, before flipping her around and entering her. Of course, doggy-style was his favourite position.

"It's what all animals do, thus, we should be allowed to enjoy it too. Just like nature intended," he'd told her a long time ago.

And Halsin was good at it. Really good.

Moaning, Tav threw her head back and arched her spine.

"You're a beautiful sight," Halsin panted into her ear. "Wild and lost in pleasure."

The bard whimpered. Then, her arms gave out and she dropped forwards, with her face down in the sheets and her ass up like an animal. Halsin moaned, following her movement, and pressed his chest flush against her back. He covered her hands with his and they intertwined their fingers. The change of their position wasn't helpful and Tav sobbed in desperation, being penetrated deeper and teetering on the edge. The druid groaned right into her ear and licked her neck.

"You taste divine, my heart."

Moaning, Tav linked her calves behind his knees and pushed herself closer to him. Halsin groaned and his hips stuttered.

"Yes. oh... yes..." whined the bard, drooling all over the sheets.

The wood elf gave one last hard thrust before he climaxed, spilling into her. His teeth scraped over the back of her neck as if he wanted to bite her there. As if to leave a mating bite like an actual bear. Tav shook.

"Do it, love. Leave your mark on me, for the entire world to see."

Halsin moaned gutturally and licked the nape of her neck again, but didn't bite. Tav stretched her legs and slumped into the mattress, consequently pulling the druid with her. All the air in her lungs left her in a gasp as her partner landed on top of her with his full weight. Halsin groaned and circled his hips even though his erection was flagging. He rolled them slightly sideways and let go of one of Tav's hands in favour of sliding his own down her front until he reached her public mound. There, he started to draw circles, making the bard gasp and buck her hips. She climaxed shortly after, with her head thrown back and Halsin's tongue in her ear.

"Fuck," she groaned. "Oh, fuck..."

The wood elf chuckled and licked his fingers clean.

"I love the taste of you. Of all of you; your skin, your sweat, your womanhood. I can't get enough."

"Charmer," Tav snickered, reached behind her and sunk her free hand into his hair.

They shared a kiss in this uncomfortable position before Halsin pulled out so that the bard could turn around. They faced each other and Tav threw a leg over the druid's hip.

"So... Mirabar. Tell me about your adventures there which were too inappropriate for the dinner table."

Halsin chuckled delighted.

"Mirabar, the mining city of dwarves... you can guess the rest."

"I can, but I want you to tell me what you did – and with whom."

"You're filthy-minded, my heart."

The bard grinned.

"Of course! That's why you love me."

Halsin chuckled again while running his fingers through her short hair.

"There's snow up there already, thus, I sought shelter in a tavern and ate some pork roast. The mood was cheery, there were musicians and dancing people everywhere, and then... a dwarven couple approached me. Mair and Halgren. They invited me for a drink and then their bedroom, telling me they wanted to climb me like a mountain."

Tav snickered and snuggled up closer to him.

"Seems like Shadowheart's not the only one calling you 'Mount Halsin', hm?"

The addressed coughed, slightly flustered.

"Well, you can guess the rest."

"I don't want to guess, love. I want you to tell me, in detail, what that lovely dwarven couple did to you."

Halsin cleared his throat and answered: "They led me to their house and into their bed chamber. We stripped and they both rode me. Then, they told me to turn around and while I ate Mair out, Halgren mated me. He had an impressive girth for such a small men."

Tav bit back a laugh when she saw her partner chew his bottom lip with a dreamy expression on his face.

"And then?"

"Then, hm... Then, Mair mated me too. Afterwards, they fell asleep on top of me, and the next morning, they made me breakfast before I left."

"Aww, how sweet."

"It was, yes."

"In other words; you had a lovely time in Mirabar."

"I did. But I wasn't there for pleasure. I asked around if anyone knew how to fix an Infernal engine. Unfortunately, they don't know more than we do. Told me one needs Infernal metal, but we know that already."

Halsin sighed deeply, sounding tired.

"I'm worried about Karlach. Staying in Avernus won't be good for her mental health."

"I know, but we're working on it, aren't we?" Tav replied softly and kissed him.

"Mhm."

"We'll find a solution," the bard told the druid. "We just need to keep looking for answers. We'll get Karlach and Wyll out of the Hells. Don't worry, love."

She kissed him again and Halsin reciprocated it eagerly.

"I missed you, my heart," he confessed and Tav smiled at him.

"I missed you too, Halsin."