#EDIT: thank you so much to everyone who pointed out I was lacking questions about orientations

[turpotypo]

hello mogai community :) - share this please?

EDIT: form closed !! thank you to everyone who submitted!!

some of you may have heard from me these past few weeks! But in case you haven't, I'm researching a research paper on queer online communities and xenogenders. It would help me out a lot if you took some time to answer some questions, and maybe send it to some friends. The more data the merrier !!!!!

Also, feel SO free to hop in my DMs if there's anything you feel like I should know, any stories you want to tell about your identity, or anything you might want put in a paper for non-mogai community members to read!

[brandogenius]

hiiiii! could you write julien x reader where basically is ex to lovers? 😭 like maybe reader is also on the public eye and the fans reactions to it? it could be a headcanon or a blurb, whatever it’s better for you!

thank u !!! pls !!!

this is such a cute request i have so many ideas for this one!

‼️RPF‼️

(NOT PROOFRED)

MINI FIC? - julien x reader - ex to lovers.

Request: “could you write julien x reader where basically is ex to lovers? 😭 like maybe reader is also on the public eye and the fans reactions to it?”

Word count: 1,749

(please let me know if you would like a part two! this was quite fun to write! )

everyone knew of you and juliens past. five years ago in 2018 the two of you were a pair. boygenius was starting to blow up and you were by juliens side ever since. julien wasn’t shy in letting everyone know that you were her girlfriend. dedicating some songs to you and posting photo dumps that include you in some of her instagram posts.

you weren’t as known as much as julien in the music scene. a small indie and pop writer. you had accumulated your own small handful of fans. majority of them boygenius fans, there in support to hype up their favourite musicians girlfriend.

you were seen on tour with the boys. promoting the release of their debut ep ‘boygenius’ you were just as excited as the trio. you couldn’t have been more prouder of your girlfriend.

until something changed. 2020 had come around and fans had noticed the lack in content with the both of you. you stopped appearing in juliens photo dumps. you unfollowed julien on twitter. julien took your tag off her posts. it was a devastating time for the fans. it didn’t take many people long to figure out what this all meant.

of course you have a handful of fans who respected what was going on. choosing to mind their own business and support both of you separately. however, with every bunch of food and respectful fans, you had the ones who didn’t understand what boundaries meant. screaming in your comments section or directly going as far as @ julien on twitter asking what happened between the two of you.

both of you have been keeping quiet about it until an interview was published, julien was promoting the upcoming release for her album when the interviewer dropped a question over the computer screen.

“i’m sure the fans are dying to know what happened between you and your girlfriend- or should i say ex at this point?” julien sat in front of the computer, an eyebrow raised as she watched the interviewer stare back at the musician. julien never in the slightest could imagine what audacity the interviewer had in that moment to ask that.

“well you see-“ julien fiddled with her headphones, readjusting them onto her head. she could see the interviewer sat there notebook in hand with pen firmly placed on the paper, ready to write down what she had to say.

“- there’s nothing i want to say on this matter. you’re interviewing me for my album right? why don’t we ask questions in relation to music, rather than my personal and private business”

the interviewer, taken a back quickly spluttered as quiet apology and composted themselves. going back to pre selected questions to ask in relation to music.

the question left julien in a sour mood for the rest of the day. the interview was quickly published. julien didn’t really want to check it out. having some small hope that the interviewer would be kind enough to edit it and take out that part but unfortunately not.

she knew it would stir up another wave of questions and panic amongst both fandoms. even if you were staying on the low side for now, keeping out of the public eye, she couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty - feeling a bit bad for dragging you back into this mess of chaos that occurred just only weeks ago.

you ok the other hand were a bit more composed. less hot headed julien. you simply ignored everything to do with the shorter musician. what happened- simple happened. it’s in the past you can’t change it anymore. you just need to go ahead and think of the future.

you continued to post on social media, posting tiktoks and tweeting. working on promoting your newest song virtually on home. most of the fans had moved on. coming to terms with the fact the two of you will most likely never interact again.

2020-2023 passes as quickly. both of you are doing your own thing. you are topping the charts with your album and singles. fans have definitely moved on but always remember. new fans are introduced to you and learn the basics. your past with boygenius member julien baker. the time you won your first award. your first world tour.

it’s the first few months of 2023. february is welcomed with longer days and a spree of award shows. your schedule was booked and busy for this month. you had a lot of interviews to attend in relation to your record you dropped in January. it was one of your proudest works to date. working hard on the album since your last one released in 2021. this was filled with songs you’ve written over the years that didn’t make it. lyric sheets that were shoved into your folder, uncovered and refurbished with better lyrics, tweaked and changed to suit your aesthetic.

one of your tracks - track 7 was one that got the most attention. 3M on youtube, billboard no1 charts. it was a bit odd since it wasn’t even your title track. fans heard it and went wild. theorising over the poetic lyrics.

it was an old song. one you wrote about julien. one about heartbreak and the feeling of yearning. you didn’t name anyone but somehow fans chose to believe it was about the boygenius member and they were right.

today was the billboard music awards. all different kinds of celebrities made their way through the red carpet. photographers and paparazzi shouting and wanting to get their direction

the boys came first. julien walking alongside lucy and phoebe. the boys stood in front of the backdrop, posing for photos. the blinding white light filling juliens vision. the sound of various amount of clicks were just enough to distract her from her own rambling thoughts for a quick moment. you were going to preform the newest song at the awards tonight. it would’ve been the first time the two of you seen each other since 2020.

a small nudge to the side by lucy had julien shaken out of her thoughts. the trio walking off to another background for another round of photoshoots.

not so long after. fans tuned into watching the livestream. you made your way onto the red carpet. fans instantly made a realisation. without knowing, you and julien were matching outfits. julien with a black and white suit. you walked into the photo zone with a black and white dress.

posing for the photos seemed weird. fans taking to twitter to discuss and theorise what the connection was. was it a coincidence? was it on purpose? you finish up with the interviews and photo zone and quickly head into the venue.

you took your seat at the table, you seemed to be the only one there so far so you didn’t seem phased. glancing up you raise your eyebrows in surprise seeing a familiar head oh platinum hair

just your luck that the all too familiar trio is sitting at the same table as you. you smiled as phoebe took a seat beside you. lucy and julien across from you.

fans would be in the building too. mainly up in the higher sections. you wouldn’t be surprised if you see all the fan pages posting about this later on. you knew you had to act professional and calm.

you jumped slightly as a hand tapped your arm. phone stared at you with a mix of concern and amusement. “huh?” “i asked how have you been?”

“oh- pretty good you know” you shrugged, a small smile playing on your lip. “making music and stuff” you took out your phone to distract yourself from the burning gaze of juliens eyes on you. like a second nature you can just tell. you chose to ignore it for now.

the billboards ran pretty smoothly. you won two awards and quickly went backstage to get ready for your performance. you felt a hand wrap around your wrist as you turned back.

“can we talk?” you turned around to stare at the smaller girl in front of you. julien stood there looking at you with a frown on her face. you glanced at the stage with a small sigh “you know i have to go on stage soon- can it wait?” you really didn’t want to talk to her- not when you’re about to preform a song.. essentially about her.

“after? please” juliens words were quiet. hesitent almost. you sighed to yourself, taking interest in the wall behind julien as you nodded. “fine - yeah. after” julien let go off your hand as she nodded. standing back as she ducked her head to walk away.

preforming for the first time in a while was a bit weird. you were so used to preforming on a web camera or pre recorded for saturday night shows, preforming to a crowd of a good couple thousand people was a bit nerve racking.

your eyes found juliens as you searched the crowd. locking eye contact you didn’t dare break it neither did julien. watching the shorter musician give a thumbs up and a positive smile made you feel calm. it made you feel more better you were able to preform the song without any worries.

finishing the song you took a deep breath and quickly thanked everyone before walking off the stage. you needed a minute to yourself to calm down before returning to the table. you sat in the backstage area, clutching a bottle of water in your shaky hands as you scrolled through social media.

“that was pretty epic” you looked up at the familiar voice. a small smile spreading across your face as you looked up. julien sat down across from you, fiddling with her rings anxiously. “you think so?” you chuckled.

“it was awesome! it’s your new song right? congrats on number one” julien leaned back in the chair. in the moment it felt right. it felt like how it used to. like nothing has changed since then.

“what did you want to talk about?” you tilted your head, being the first to break the conversation to the one both were too anxious to start.

fans broke twitter that very night. during the interval, videos spread across twitter like wildfire. you and julien walking back out onto the floor, hand in hand with smiles across your faces.

new theories started to arise. what happened? is that why julien left the table? what did you talk about?

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies (but better written and 5 years late)

chapter 1: surely the macarena has not been playing for the last 2 minutes without me noticing

words cannot even begin to describe how excited about this i am lets GO :D

___

words: 2800

edited: yes !!

ship: well its either going to be sprace or ralbert and you're all along for the ride

warnings: character death but the death is not real, minor injuries, mentions of the famed walgreens au, deep dish pizza slander, emotionally stubborn race

tags: @jack-kellys @ainti-pretty @boygirlctommy @jack-whatsyourangle @getchapapes @sun-kissed-star (let me know if you want on or off the tag list !!!)

again, big thank yous to katya for bullying me into writing this and my sister for beta-ing and providing chapter titles that have nothing to do with the story

read it on ao3!!

___

Even before Albert crashed his own funeral, Race was having a bad day. 

For starters, there had been the paperwork. Always so much paperwork when someone died during a mission. And for what? This was the FBI for fucks sake, there were interns who could be doing this, not him, one of the best field agents in the country.

And there had been the eulogy. What even was a good eulogy these days? A heartfelt poem? A quote from The Fault in Our Stars? A melancholy tiktok dance? Race should have probably known the answer at this point, given that he had written a grand total of seven for Albert, only one and a half of which he had delivered. 

Because that was the thing about Albert. He couldn't quite stay dead. 

It was the one thing that drove Race absolutely crazy about his best friend. Well, maybe not the one thing. He did have a particularly dreadful habit of chewing all of Race’s pens. But anyway. Race felt bad every time he got the dreaded phone call and shrugged Albert’s death off. For all he knew it could be real this time and he was going to go up in front of his best friend’s casket to renegade while telling everyone what an idiot he had been. But then again. This was his eighth eulogy.  

Jack, the newbie field agent that Race and Albert were supposed to be training, did not find Race’s lack of sadness even remotely acceptable. But then again, that was probably Race’s fault for not telling Jack that Albert didn’t like to stay dead. 

“I still can’t fucking believe you,” Jack muttered, taking half a glance in Race’s direction as he merged into the exit lane. “Your best friend is fucking dead, you’re going to his fucking funeral, your eulogy is a fucking tiktok dance, and you're playing a fucking fish game.” 

In the passenger seat, Race shrugged. “What? I have to feed them or they get sad. And I never actually said I was going to do the renegade.”

“I swear to fucking God Race,” Jack groaned, tears brimming in his eyes. The kid had been crying for the last week, Race was thoroughly impressed that he hadn’t run out of tears by now. “He was basically your brother. At least show some respect.”

Race rolled his eyes. “He’s not my fucking brother. Hell knows I have plenty of those.”

“You know, I’m glad he’s not here to see this,” Jack spat. “If he knew this was what his best friend was really like he wouldn’t want anything to do with you. Fucking sick of you to do this.”

Race continued feeding his fish. They may be silly, but least they weren’t yelling at him. 

“I’m going to request a placement change after today, I can’t work with someone who doesn’t even give half of a shit about th-”

Thankfully he was cut off by Race’s phone ringing. 

Not so thankfully, it was none other than Race’s arch nemesis on the other end. 

“Racetrack Higgins.” 

“Davey Jacobs.” Head of the NYC Branch of the FBI, resident asshole and general stick in the mud. He had had it out for Race and Albert since they had been in training and accidentally almost blew up his prized weapons lab.

“I need you and Dasilva to get your asses into my office ASAP.” 

“Mmm, see, that might be a bit of a problem.” Race ran his fingers through his hair. “Ain’t nobody tell you that Albert’s dead?” 

“Ain’t nobody tell you that I don't care?” Jacobs said, mimicking Race’s accent. “Just because one of you dies doesn’t mean crime stops.”

Race rolled his eyes as Jack pulled up in front of the church. “Ah Davey, good to know despite all your years of work, you still don’t have an ounce of sympathy.”

“You little-”

“And I assume you want me to drive from Chicago to New York cause your ass is too cheap to purchase a plane ticket?” 

“If you don’t watch your tongue I’ll have you fired in two minutes flat.” 

Race laughed. “My ass will be in your office after my ass goes to my partner's funeral, capishe?” Race threw his phone on the floor and rubbed his temples. He envied Jacobs’s ability to give out headaches like candy. Albert better be fucking alive cause there was no way he was going to New York City by himself. 

Jack pulled the key out of the ignition and crossed his arms, staring straight forward. “What was that about?”

“Someone who wanted to talk to me and Albert.” 

Jack said nothing. 

Race fiddled with the edge of his shirt. Maybe he should say something. But what if Albert was dead? Then he would have gotten Jack’s hopes up too and then Jack would really never forgive him. 

“I…I know you’re upset with me,” Race began lamely. 

Jack snorted. 

“But consider letting me finish your field training?” Race asked. “I know you still got a little ways to go and you got every right to be mad at me but you understand a computer better than I ever will and you’ve been really good backup and-”

“I’ll think about it okay?” Jack interrupted. 

Race nodded, staring at his phone on the floor. Boy he sure hoped that Albert was still alive. He did not want this argument to come back and bite him in the ass later. 

“Here.” Jack threw a crumpled bow tie at Race. “Put this on.”

“Why?”

“Because even though you may not be acting like it, we are still going to a funeral and you should at least look presentable.” 

“Yeah,” Race rolled his eyes but still reluctantly tied the bow tie around his neck. It looked ridiculous with his t-shirt but he didn’t feel like upsetting Jack any more. “Cause this is gonna make all the difference.”

“Just shut up and get out of the car,” Jack muttered. “We’re already almost late.”

•••

The funeral itself was pitiful. 

Aside from himself and Jack, the only other people were a handful of elderly women who looked mildly annoyed that their daily rosary praying had been interrupted by the untimely death of a twenty six year old. Race had not held a rosary since he was seventeen, but he was fairly certain one of the ladies was holding it upside down. 

And out of all the seven people in the disproportionately massive church, including the priest, Jack was the only one who seemed like he wanted to be there. 

Though, the lack of government officials and the fact that it was in a hole in the wall church in the middle of Chicago was a good sign. Perhaps Race wouldn’t have to renegade after all. 

Twelve o’clock came and went and no one else entered the church. In fact, a few of the old ladies went as far as to inch further towards the door, hoping that they would be able to sneak out. Race did not blame them. 

Whether the priest was waiting for more people to turn up or for the actual casket to make an appearance was hard to say. 

“Aren’t there supposed to be government officials here because he died in the line of duty?” Jack whispered. Still, it managed to echo around the church. 

Race winced at his lack of discretion. “We forfeited our rights to a fancy funeral when we almost blew up a weapons lab.” It was not the truth, but Jack did not need to know that five years ago Albert had gotten “blown up” and there was a full FBI sponsored funeral done for him, only for him to appear in a tiny hospital in the middle of Arkansas three days later. After that the FBI refused to give Albert a full funeral unless there was a body due to budget cuts. But that was irrelevant. 

Jack’s face fell. “Albert always said that he would tell me that story.” 

“He was never going to tell you that story.” 

“Race,” Jack’s voice was firm. “Would you stop-”

“Thank you for gathering here today in the memory of Albert Dasilva,” the priest began. “Unfortunately the hearse seems to have gotten stuck in traffic and in the interest of making sure our later services start on time, we will just do an abbreviated service with no eulogies when it arrives momentarily. Unless anyone has any objections?” 

Jack tries to raise his hand but Race held his arms down. Hearses didn’t just get stuck in traffic. This had Albert’s handiwork written all over it. The priest gave them a mildly amused look but ultimately said nothing. 

Jack squirmed out of Race’s grip. “Don’t touch me, Race.”

“Jack I-“

“I said don’t fucking touch me, Antonio.” 

Race grit his teeth. He already had to see Jacobs later today and he didn’t want a lecture from him on how you’re not supposed to deck the trainees at fake funeral services. How had Jack even known his name? 

Moments later the door of the church slammed open and a ridiculously shiny gold casket was wheeled in. Race barely glanced at it. Maybe he should have told Jack. He liked the kid. This was the first trainee he and Albert had been given and he wanted to do a good job, be to Jack what Blink and Mush had been to him. 

Albert would know how to fix this. 

Race really hoped that he was outside.

He spent the rest of the hilariously brief service running through every possible outcome of the situation. At worst, Albert was indeed dead and Jack would abandon him. At best, Albert was not dead as Jack would forgive him for the misunderstanding easily. And in between there were seventy three other situations. 

Something pointy jabbed Race in the ribs and he looked up to see Jack standing and glaring down at him. Fuck, the processional had already started. 

Race wandered out of the church behind Jack in a daze. He fought down nausea as he trudged, absently wrapping and unwrapping his fingers in the chain around his neck. 

The sun was blinding. Race squinted through it, trying to scan the parking lot for a familiar blob of red hair, but Jack jumped in front of him. 

“Here “ Jack threw the keys to the truck at Race. “I’m done. I’m not getting back in that car with you after whatever just happened in that church. I can’t work with someone who can’t show an ounce of emotion when their best friend dies. You’re a fucking asshole, Race. An absolute, grade A premium-“

“Whoa there cowboy, I don’t condone arguing at my funeral.” 

Jack jumped three feet in the air at the sound of Albert’s voice. A weight that Race hadn’t felt before lifted off of his chest at the sight of his best friend. 

“Al,” he breathed a sigh of relief and opened his arms to hug Albert. 

“Oi! Careful!” Albert warned. “I’m only mostly in one piece.”

“You can never come back to me in perfect working condition can you?” Race felt his stress evaporating as he gently hugged Albert to his chest. He looked like shit and smelled worse “What happened this time?” 

“I don't know, I woke up in some fucking Canadian National Park to a moose trying to eat my socks and my shoulder was dislocated. I scared the park ranger shitless then had to hitch hike to the border and almost got stuck there cause they thought my FBI card was fake.”

“...Did the moose dislocate your shoulder?” Race stepped back to examine Albert. Sure enough, he had sloppily tied a shirt around his left shoulder to immobilize it. It didn't look completely correct but Race supposed he should be happy that Albert wasn’t in a hospital. Or even worse, moose food. 

Albert half shrugged. “Hell if I know Racer.”

Race tilted his head. “Well then how-”

“Dude what the fuck is wrong with Jack?” 

Race turned to see Jack opening and closing his mouth like a fish, eyebrows raised so high they were nearly touching his cornrows. 

“Um-”

Albert crossed his arms. “You didn’t tell him, did you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. 

Race glued his lips together. He’d known Albert for long enough to know that it was better to just say nothing. 

“Fucking christ, Antonio.” Albert half kicked him and walked over towards Jack, shooting Race a We’ll Be Talking About This Later Look. 

“Hey Jackie-boy, good to see you buddy,” Albert said in the same voice that people use to talk to small children or scared animals. 

“Everyone said you were dead,” Jack muttered, eyes wide. 

“Who is everyone?”

“Race,” Jack lifted his eyes from Albert momentarily to glare at Race, “The priest, the guy who called Race, I don’t know.”

“Alright buddy,” Albert said. “Lesson one-” “Lesson one is never leave the house without a weapon,” Jack interrupted.

Albert sighed. “Fine then, lesson two-”

“Is always scan your surroundings.” Jack nearly cracked a smile at Albert’s annoyed facial expression. “You’re up to lesson fifty three.” 

“Fine. Lesson fifty three. Never believe anyone is dead until you see a body.” 

Jack nodded. “I think that’ll be an easy one to remember.”

“Good.” Albert opened his arm. “Now bring it in buddy.”

Jack flew into Albert’s embrace. A distinct sinking feeling started in Race’s stomach when he saw Jack’s shoulders shaking. 

“Everyone always leaves.” Jack’s words were muffled but Race could still hear them. “I’m so glad that you didn’t.” 

Albert laughed but Race could see the strain in his eyes. “This is like the fourth-”

“Eighth,” Race whispered.

“Eighth time this has happened. I don’t think that I am going anywhere anytime soon.”

Jack nodded into Albert’s shirt and gave him one more light squeeze, which Albert tried and failed not to wince at before pulling away. 

“Now that we got that settled,” Albert said, turning to Race. “I would love nothing more than to go to Walgreens and get some advil, the good cold medicine because Canada’s fucking freezing and I think it’s going to catch up to me soon and a real sling, some mediocre deep dish pizza and to go back to the safe house and sleep for three days.”

“Yes to the first two but you’re going to have to sleep in the car,” Race said.

Albert dropped his head back and groaned. “Don’t tell me they reassigned us already, I only just came back to life.”

“Mmmm no its far worse.” Race placed his hand on Albert’s good shoulder. “Jacobs wants us in his office.” Albert blinked once, twice, three times before giving in. “FUCK.”

“Yeah,” Race said. There was nothing else to say about that.

“Don’t tell me he wants us there tomorrow.” 

“He wanted us there today. “Who the hell is Jacobs?”

“Not now Jack,” Race and Albert said at the same time. 

“And we have to drive?” Albert asked. “And we have to drive.” Race confirmed. 

“Well fuck me sideways with a fucking spork.” Albert groaned again for good measure. “Doesn’t he think I’m dead?” 

“This is Davey Jacobs,” Race said. “Death means nothing to him.” 

“Is no one going to tell me who this guy is?” Jack asked again, louder this time. 

“Jackie,” Albert said, “When we’re on hour thirteen of this drive you’re going to be regretting asking that question.” 

“He can’t be that bad.” “He is,” Race said. 

“You owe me at least a whole pizza for this,” Albert said, jabbing Race in the chest with his finger. “With extra meat.”

“I didn’t expect anything less,” Race smiled. Sure he was not happy they had to go deal with whatever crap Jacobs was going to throw at him, but at least he had his best friend back.

“And another one when we get to the city!” He yelled over his shoulder as he followed Jack to the car. “I’ve missed my 99 cent pizza.” Race rolled his eyes. “You can literally get it for free cause Vinny loves you.”

“Wait, we’re going to New York City?” Jack asked

“I thought you wanted a placement change?” Race said, crossing his arms. 

“I- Well- I guess I-“

“Look buddy,” Albert said. “Race is shit at communicating. He will never admit it, but he is. But you can’t blame him for not wanting to get your hopes up. This is a hard field to be in, nothing is guaranteed and nothing is ever as it seems. That being said, we would love to have you on whatever Jacobs has planned for us cause I can guarantee you it is going to be one absolute hell of a ride. And even though Race won’t admit it, he likes having you around.” 

“I never said I didn’t,” Race muttered. 

Jack considered. “I’ll come, but only mostly because my best friend is training in New York. I’m still kinda pissed at Race.”

“Welcome to the club, buddy,” Albert laughed, giving Jack a fist bump. 

Race just rolled his eyes. It was pointless to argue at this point. 

“This better be a relaxing ride, Race,” Albert said, ignoring Jack. “I want no shenanigans.”

“I make no promises.”

___

AHHH WE ARE SO BACK BABY !!!

stay tuned to see the boys entering the city :O

[gai-is-love-kakagai-is-life]

Alright, so imma just spill the beans on the ANBU Gai plot because i cannot contain how horrified I am at the monster I created. I made this blog to talk about it because I know I have difficulties actually writing... So I WILL talk about it!

(EDIT: I just... caved and made this post because I got so excited about my breakthrough. I dont know whether or not i should delete it or drop the whole thing but, it was exciting)

Literally, it started with wanting more angsty Gai, then ANBU Gai and Kakashi being the one to reach put to Gai and they work things out. So... how... and why... did it turn from Gai joining ANBU for Kakashi to getting involved in getting caught between Hiruzen and Danzo's nonsense which involes DESTABILIZING A WHOLE ASS COUNTRY??

I have mentioned the Land of Woods before and... yeah I was cooking it's destabilization and Gai's role in it because I placed so much importance on giving Gai an external conflict outside of his struggles in ANBU and Kakashi. I just HAD to!

Over the course of weeks I researched Naruto's history, the characters, the wars, the countries, the divisions, the magic system and even bought the light novels to understand everyone and everything better... well, I was very selective about who but that's neither here or there... Bottom line is I did the most in trying to create a scenario that would make sense for ANBU Gai that would affect and challenge him. Knowing that a lot of ANBU are either in the village spying on people, protecting the Hokage or infiltrating other countries for assassinations I was like, "That's an idea! Maybe he'll patrol around the village borders with his team and go capture/assassinate targets when not in the village!" It was at this point I practically forgot about Kakashi and Gai's inner struggles to focus on what the fuck kind of missions he would do and what conflict would he be involved in.

Losts of research later I realize that I have a practically blank slate for Gai to play in that he has ties to... The Land of Woods. The victims of the infamous scene where Gai sees the darkness in Kakashi that he lacked himself. It was perfect. It had questions that needed to be answered, like what is it's role in Naruto? Why were they beefing with the Land of Fire/Konoha? What happened to them and why? The answers are: Not much, no idea, and it's essentially lawless land now. There is no leadership and apparently it was a haven for criminals (possibly including Obito and Sasuke at some point). Something happened to it between the period of Kakashi and Itachi slaughtering the Prañja Group (the victims), and Shippuden times and that blank space was mine to color in.

What I did was come up with a reason why it collapsed into the state it did by the time of Shippuden and how Gai was involved. It took a week or so of trying to figure out how destabilizing another country even works (doesnt mean i researched hard. I looked up the methods and imagined from there), but I had come up with Gai and his team assassinating people. But why? And would he stand for it? I wasnt trying to break Gai, just... test how bendy he'll let his morals get in ANBU--

(I posted this early because my phone fell on my face and posted it... )

I wasnt trying to break Gai and I know that as loyal as he is to Konoha and moreso to the people he loves, he wouldn't do something so... devastating. So then I got ROOT involved and now Gai's team is stumbling upon ROOT doing the dastardly deeds of dismantling a dying government. It took until last night for the how to solidify.

... Imma just post pictures of this next part. It came in the middle of me trying to go back and flesh out the Kakagai so I didnt lose it again, but the Land of Woods conflict still got me by the throat.

If you read this far... thank you. If you hate this? Completely understandable. I might delete this post but i had to get this out. I hope that it was at least interesting

[alyshiba]

My two cents is that xaden might turn to the evil side at a certain point and violet and him will fight against each other. It could be heartbreaking but that’s a true enemies to lovers. At the same time, i don’t see her giving up on him or not looking for a cure, even if he turns more “dark” like anakin. However, i do wish they end up together somehow even if it’s a little bit unlikely. Also there’s some theories about the texts pointing out that neither violet or xaden survived, what are your thoughts on that, if you don’t mind sharing?

Hi, thanks for the question!! Ofc spoilers ahead for Iron Flame

My two cents is that xaden might turn to the evil side at a certain point and violet and him will fight against each other.

As i briefly mention in the ask I answered yesterday, I think this is what's going to happen in book three.

At the moment we know that Xaden tapped into the source. He isn't a Venin (one of the opening quotes for a chapter in IF was an extract from a texbook of the griffin rider's school in which a professor explained the various stages of Veninism), but he definetly is in the path to potentially become one.

Considering that he's already seen as the rebellion leader, and that he has broken the pact with General Sorrengail (he was to be executed if a marked one, or more than one, rebelled), Xaden might be forced to flee/hide from Melgren and the rest of leadership. Plus his curren status as almost Venin will definetly seal his chances at reconciliation with Navarre.

I think he will either be tempted and join the dark side or he'll be wrongly perceived as evil and chased away, resulting in him falling in the hands of the Venins.

at the same time, i don’t see her giving up on him or not looking for a cure, even if he turns more “dark” like anakin. However, i do wish they end up together somehow even if it’s a little bit unlikely.

Agreed. Wether he does turn evil, or not, Violet is not the kind of character who would give up like that. She'll definetly search for the cure. And that, I think, might be the reason that convinces her to stay at Basgiath: she'll have the entire archives at her disposal, Nolon (who tried to mend Jack) and her brother (who might be a better mender that Nolon).

Also there’s some theories about the texts pointing out that neither violet or xaden survived, what are your thoughts on that, if you don’t mind sharing?

There was a very interesting post in the fourth wing subreddit yesterday, about a user who put together in one file all of the quotes used as chapter headers. I am currently editing a post about that ( if you wish to comment this reply and I'll tag you when it comes out).

The way Fourth Wing is written suggests that some characters will die. Rebecca used a specific "style" (for lack of a better term) of writing: she had one of her characters, Jesinia, translate the events in the "modern tongue". Much like George RR Martin did with Fire and Blood. So when you read Fourth Wing, or Iron Flame, you are not reading the events as the happen in the present, but has they happened in the past. We don't know how much time passed from the end of the story, so everyone might be dead (for years, month, centuries..).

[bulgariansumo]

Back at it again, editing Episode 1 of Galactiquest. Version 3.0 patch notes:

-Removed all unnecessary epithets (Hopefully. I found one instance of brunet that I thought I deleted the last time around)

-Toned down the amount of exclamation points

-I think I slightly pared down a scene in Chapter 4? But I added a new one over it, so that probably cancels out

-Gave other characters a little more dialogue, especially Leon

-Changed descriptions around to be more concise, less repetitive, and less verbose (For these being Leon's chapters, I got weirdly fancy with some of the prose)

-New scene 1: In Chapter 1, a girl talks to Leon while he's waiting in the spaceport, eventually leading to him realizing he's late. This finally gave me a chance to explain why the Interstellar Forces is called that and set up that it is struggling somewhat. I think this also the first time I've gotten to mention that the IF was banned from having weapons.

-New scene 2: In Chapter 4, Jun questions why the IF would let such an inexperienced group go to Neptune (in nicer wording, but still). It sets the tone for the trip in a way that was lacking before.

As much as it stung to realize those chapters were a little rougher than I thought, I'm glad I did this. It's not a complete overhaul, but it brought the quality a little closer to my current stuff. I'm grateful some people were still able enjoy them despite rough edges.

In the times that I've asked for feedback, a few people mentioned Chapters 3 and 4 being a bit of a slog. I... did not trim them down as much as I intended. Every time I tried, it went something like this:

Hopefully, adding that section to Chapter 4 will help it feel a little more worthwhile. That being said, if I'm compelled to edit again, I know there's a few scenes in Chapter 4 that probably should go.

For people who want to see the new scenes without reading the whole episode again, I'll post them down below. If you do want to read the full thing, here's a link.

---

New Scene 1 [Bon Voyage, Celestion-5] Ch 1. Boarding for Takeoff

A monitor nearby played an informational video about Earth’s one and only moon colony: Lunaria, the city of his dreams. Though so far away, he felt like it lay within his grasp for the first time. What choice did he have but to be captivated by it?

“Are you heading to your first deployment?” The girl a few seats over might as well have appeared from thin air.

“Hm? How’d you know?” He shook his head out of a daze. Only now did he realize his mouth had been hanging open for who knew how long.

“You seemed pretty enthralled by that video for a star ranger.”

“Oh yeah. Some nights, I spent so long looking at the dome through my telescope, I’d dream about it.” He sighed. “Even now, I can almost breathe that artificial air.”

“I’ve heard it’s cool. My aunt’s paying my way. I bet you’re glad you don’t have to pay those ticket prices either, huh?” She had a pretty laugh.

“Gosh, I thought I’d have to spend my life savings just for a visit. Thank goodness for the IF.”

“You know,” she tilted her head, “I’ve always wondered, why’s it called the Interstellar Forces when we haven’t gone past Mars yet?”

“We’re supposed to dream big now and grow into it later. It worked for me, so…!” he ended with a shrug. “And who knows,” he knew, “we might be going past Mars soon.”

“That’s cute. Sorry about the budget cuts, though. No more weapons, I get, but you guys don’t even have your own ships anymore? They’re just deploying you with us civilians?”

“My ship’s kind of a special case.” Out of curiosity he decided to check his phone. “But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to che–”

His eyes widened in horror at what time it displayed. It was 25 minutes past when he should have boarded.

“Is something wrong?” asked the girl.

“Sorry, I gotta go.” He gathered his bags and hurried over to the receptionist. “Excuse me. This is the boarding area for the Celestion ships, right?” Maybe everyone else was just late. “I was supposed to be boarding a ship 25 minutes ago.”

“Oh, no sir. Are you with the Interstellar Forces? All military spacecraft are located on the opposite end.” The receptionist motioned directly behind him.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” He shook the receptionist’s hand vigorously. “Seriously, my career is in your hands. And yours too,” he sped past the girl, “have a nice trip, bye!”

New Scene 2 [Bon Voyage, Celestion-5] Ch 4. Tour's End

“Quick question.” The oddly familiar one smoothed dark, wavy bangs out of her face… or his face? Leon couldn’t tell at this angle. The androgynous voice didn’t help. “The Celestion crews were chosen by chance, yeah?”

“There’s a coupla exceptions as you’re no doubt aware,” Emil winked, “not to mention the captains, but yeah, most of us are random picks.”

“Right, cool. So, like, not to harsh the vibes, but I noticed that none of us except you and the captain are ranked higher than rangers.”

“I almost ascended to corporal~” Allen spoke up.

“I know, Rox.” The familiar one addressed Emil again. “I dunno, I kinda assumed we’d get stationed on each ship based on our experience and ability level.”

That did surprise Leon when he first heard about the opportunity. Described by his old warrant officer as ‘remarkably average in all abilities,’ he never dreamed he’d be offered the chance to go to Neptune. No one from his base deployed to space in years. He hadn’t even earned the star on his uniform yet. No way would he let such good luck pass him by.

“Huh,” Emil pinched one of his curls, “that does make sense.”

A click from the ceiling brought with it Captain Galhardo’s voice. “Randomized crews are a key element of the Celestion Project. Though each captain, including myself, went through a series of tests to ensure our capability.”

“Well, there you have it. Besides, as long as my brother’s piloting, we’ll make it back a-ok. Nothin’ to worry about.” In only a few strides, Emil made his way to the cooking area. “Over here we have a microwave, an oven, dishes, other kitchen-y stuff–Oooh, guys, I gotta show you something!”

He stuck his arm over the stove, to the confusion of Leon and most of the others, and to their horror, turned it on.

[waitmyturtles]

Well -- OKAY THEN. In THIS edition of “everyone is a bitch-ass hypocrite” -- Double Savage, episode 8 thoughts:

1) Win intimately reconciles with (a clearly messed-up, clearly vengeful, do not go near her) Rung, even though Rung categorizes herself as a criminal, as Win says he’ll love her no matter what,

2) At the same time, Win CONTINUES to condemn Korn for HIS being a “criminal,” weak ass, 

3) Win CONTINUES to think that he’ll be able to “put the bad people away” without using his HEAD (until the very end of the episode, thank gawd) as to who exactly the bad people are (which we can surmise at this point that Rung knows, too),

4) The PO-POs continue to be hypocrites for turning a blind eye to Ah’s operation because of RANKS (?!) and moolah (more on this in a sec)*,

5) Let me argue for a sec that Korn himself is also being a touch hypocritical, in that he’s being portrayed as someone who knows the way of the world, and still wants his tight circle to not get involved in his business, which like, homey, impossible at this point, because you kept/keep showing up to places and seeing all your old people, and

6) Rung herself is a hypocrite for blaming Korn’s family for her fate, because, GURL, DID YOU FORGET THAT YOU WERE THE ONE TO HOP IN THE OG DRUG VAN? ACCOUNTABILITY!!! And now you’re selling drugs to Pea/Satang! Good lord!

PHEW. In other words, very many people are being bitch-asses in this show at this point. Sounds very New Siwaj-y, if you’ll let me project. 

All that being said. I found out an answer to a question that I’ve long had, which is that Li doesn’t work, and was always expected to live at home, which I think is still a fascinating slice of Thai/Thai-Chinese culture that I need to know more about. And the way in which the patriarchal expectations of Win fall on his shoulders as he wonders if he can support the family without the store, and the dad having saved money to make it happen. 

Win doesn’t have a gray area. I think he’s the only character that doesn’t have it. And he didn’t need it -- because when he was growing up, he didn’t need survival techniques.

For all the time that Rung spent with BOTH brothers in their childhood -- Rung knew/knows this, and now knows how to take advantage of Win and his hypocrisy, because she knows that he was never a critical, survivalist thinker. Which likely explains, to an extent, her continued attraction to Korn, as she’s now figuring out a way to survive.

(Let me pause to say that I CONTINUE TO LOVE FILM, I love her leather-and-eyeliner-and-pouts-and-gold-chain-era, and by my count, she’s now kissed Nanon, Ohm, AND Perth in shows, and JUST GET ‘EM GURL, GET ‘EM, KEEP IT UP, HONEY.)

So with Win’s lack of a gray area -- man, he gets played all around him. The police are messy. Ah’s operation is messy. Korn’s loyalties are messy. Rung’s HEADSTATE is messy. Li now knows about Ah and the roles he’s played in the community, and recognizes that just condemning Ah is not so easy and is messy.

The only one still looking for black-and-white is Win. His whole life had been black and white, because he was the golden child. @shortpplfedup noted so succinctly in my last Double Savage post that that golden child mindset has messed Win up SO MUCH, because HIS frame was that Korn was ultimately a LOSER (because he indirectly absorbed that from his dad -- and never fought his dad on that point), and should NOT be the focus of Rung’s attention.

And Rung has learned so much from her time away to know that she can take advantage of Win’s dualistic perspective, which she’s doing, because she’s (wrongly, imo) revengeful towards Korn’s family. 

@miscellar is reading my thoughts exactly on this show -- that it’s becoming more and more of a soapy mess. But I think what I appreciated about the last two episodes -- because I’m me, a sucker for family trauma -- is that the show has been brought BACK to the center of the family trauma, and is reminding us that all of this is because the dad fucked things up so hard. We’ll see in the last week of the series next week that Korn will consider ponying up to help his dad. The dad created all of these fucking nasty dualities that just SNARED EVERYONE in. The person operating outside of all of this family drama/trauma was Ah, who knew how the world worked from the start. 

And at least Li is the one (maybe besides Korn, but again, Korn is being a hypocrite here too, for not reading everything as deeply as I think he can) who’s recognizing on the family side that shit’s complicated enough to think about it and to ask how it all ended up this way. How could people think of Ah as a good person? Her wheels are turning, and I wonder if that’ll have an impact next week. I hope so -- although next week looks seriously messy, and I wonder how the show’s going to get itself out of it.

*I forgot to add that some folks on Twitter seem to think the Captain is one of the guys who ran Ah off on the road -- I’m open to the idea.

[the-era-of-shadow]

Maria's First Encounter

Written by Ash Rose

Content Warnings:

None that I can think of

Summary:

Hard at work on Project Shadow as always, Gerald Robotnik hadn't noticed when his granddaughter, Maria, had entered his laboratory in order to wish him a happy birthday. What's the problem with such a minor oversight, you might ask? Well, this was also one of the days that Gerald was being visited by the alien overlord Black Doom, whose involvement in the project was a secret Gerald was hiding from everyone on the ARK, including Maria. But now Black Doom and Maria are face to face with one another. Will this be the end of Gerald's career? Or has Gerald underestimated Maria's kind heart?

Notes:

Another old story! This one had been uploaded in the past, but I took it down during the rewrite circuit to preserve the reading order or whatever, but since this falls under Origins, I don't really care about that anymore, so here you go! I edited it a tiny bit, but this is mainly just the original in all its glory!

Another day of working on Project Shadow had just begun, and today was one of those days where the leader of the Black Arms, Black Doom, came to visit.

This used to be an event that happened only occasionally, Doom would come in and check up on Shadow's progress, and then take his leave, he's quite busy, after all. But quickly into the project, Doom's visits became more and more frequent. It was clear that they were still here to see Shadow, but he seemed to bond quite a bit with the still developing ultimate life form.

It was no surprise to Professor Gerald, really. The reason why Doom was there in the first place was because they gave Gerald a sample of his blood to use within Shadow, which benefited both of them. It benefited Gerald because Doom's blood acted as a stabilizer for Shadow, and it benefited Doom because it made Shadow something akin to a child to him, which is something that Doom had wanted for a while now.

At this point, Doom was checking up on Shadow almost every day. Gerald wondered who was running the Black Comet in Doom's absence, but that curiosity was overshadowed by the concern of them crossing paths with his granddaughter, Maria. Maria, being the young girl she is, was quite unpredictable. What if Maria told the other scientists working with Gerald about Doom's presence? What if that caused GUN to find out? At best, Gerald would lose his funding, at worst…

"Hi Grandfather! Happy Birthday!!" Maria said suddenly, entering the laboratory with a tray of various breakfast foods, a bright smile on her face, and her portable IV cord that dragged closely behind her.

It was Gerald's birthday? Gerald himself must have completely forgotten in the haze of his work. But forgetting his birthday was the least of Gerald's concerns at the moment. Maria's sudden intrusion put her face to face with Black Doom. He expected her to scream, or at least look nervous, but to both his and Doom's surprise, Maria looked completely unafraid, in fact, she looked excited.

"Oh, hello there! Are you a friend of my grandfather?" She said to Doom.

He looked back at the girl, dumbfounded. The way she looked at them with a complete lack of fear, it stunned him. Most other humans that had encountered Doom ran from him in fear, and even Gerald radiated an aura of uneasiness whenever he was with them, but Maria wasn't like that at all. In some ways, that comforted Doom, that feeling of being loved certainly felt nice. But in other ways, it felt strange, surreal even. This young girl, so innocent looking, wasn't afraid of a being so often seen as terrifying and evil? But why? … He tried to not think much of it, for his own sake.

After a long stretch of silence, Doom finally responded to Maria's question.

"In a way, yes. I assist him with Shadow here." He said while motioning to the pod holding the in-progress hedgehog.

"Oh! I see! Did you know that it's my grandfather's birthday today?" Maria replied.

"I did not… Thank you for informing me." Doom responded, looking surprised.

"No problem!! Are you going to stick around and celebrate?" Maria then asked.

"Ah- Maria! Y-You must understand, he's quite busy-!" Gerald interrupted nervously, but was stopped by Doom.

"I don't see why not…" They answered. Maria rejoiced excitedly, thanking Doom for agreeing to stay.

"By the way, what's your name, mister?" Maria asked.

"I am Black Doom." Doom responded with a tinge of pride.

"Woah!! That's such a cool name! I don't think I've ever met someone with that kind of name before!" Maria's excitement gave Doom a sense of nostalgia, in a way. It wasn't the first time someone said such things about his name, afterall.

Gerald decided to intervene at that moment, gently tugging on Maria's hand, thanking her for the food and suggesting to her that she should make sure everyone else knows of his birthday.

"Oh, and one more thing." Gerald said.

"Hm? What is it, grandfather?" Maria asked.

"Don't tell anyone else about what happened here, okay? The others don't know about Doom being here, so you better not tell them!" He explained to her, being stern in his tone.

"Okay! I promise I won't tell!"

Gerald noticed that Doom's eyes followed Maria as she left the room, seemingly fixated on the girl.

"That… went better than I expected it to." Gerald said, breaking the brief silence.

"Quite so..! That girl of yours is incredibly fearless…." Doom responded, still looking at Maria as they did.

"Yes… I hope she keeps our promise… If the other scientists, if the government were to find out that I've formed an allyship between myself and the leader of a… of a-"

"A nation of terroristic, genocidal maniacs, hellbent on spreading chaos wherever they go?" Doom said, completing Gerald's sentence.

"Y-Yes, according to the others, anyway-"

"Me and my people take pride in being called such things! We are the harbingers of chaos, destruction and all things of such a corruptive nature!! To be known across the universe by those things is an HONOR!" Doom asserted to Gerald, loudly enough to get his point across, but still quiet enough to go undetected.

"O-of course!" Gerald quickly responded, not used to Doom speaking in a way outside of their usual quiet and calm nature. "I… I still have a lot to learn about your culture."

"Indeed…" Doom said back, his voice going back to the near-whisper that Gerald is used to hearing from him. Upon further inspection from Gerald, they seemed to still be staring off in the direction of his sweet Maria, despite the conversation the two just had. "The way she asserts herself around me reminds me quite a lot of my soldiers, actually… Perhaps I could-"

"If you see it that way, then s-sure! But she is still m-my granddaughter!" Gerald replied skittishly, cutting Doom off before he could begin to speculate on things that Gerald feared happening.

"Maria… Her name is Maria… Correct..?" Doom asked, still not taking his gaze off of Maria, not even for a second.

"Yes…"

"I see…." Doom chuckled slightly. "What a lovely name… I sense great potential in her…"

A chill went down Gerald's spine, but he took a deep breath, and returned to his work.

[popculturebuffet]

Art of Ducktales Review: Just Ducky

Hello everyone and welcome to an extra crunchy bonus review, as I take a look at something you knew I was going to get eventually but thanks to mom telling me I wasn't getting it for christmas, I bought way sooner than expected: The Art of Ducktales, the art book released just last week from Dark Horse, containing interviews with tons of the crew, mostly Matt and Frank as you'd expect, behind the scenes art, and more good stuff. It was 50 bucks for the standard version but was it worth it? Join me to find out This was something I was jazzed for and for good reason: My love of ducktales is well documetented on this blog having covered the major arcs for season, all of season 3 and some assorted episodes. And i'm not really slowing down as I have a Gizmoduck arc planned for sometime next year (whenever Kev wants to do it), and a review of "last Christmas!" in just a few weeks. While I plan to still pace myself I do want to have reviewed EVERY episode at some point. Ducktales was everything I coudl've hoped for, more and then more AFTER THAT, an expertly crafted show spread over three wonderful seasons that should've gotten a fourth. What we got was still great though, so naturally a book honoring that, especially from disney who RARELY makes merch for older fans of their DTVA shows, and one that's sales could impact us getting one for Owl House, was like catnip. The fact that it was written and put together by Ken Plume, the same great dude who put together the awesome Art of Venture Bros that I still use reguarly for my Venture Bros retrospective was just the cherry on top So did it live up to the hype? Welll... yes and no. The bad news is while I HOPED for some content about what episodes could've been, some new factoids about the characters already.. there wasn't much of that. What we have gotten through tumblr (and Kev sending me posts) has mostly been thorugh the supplemental book that came with the deluxe edition I didn't buy because it was 80 dollary doos. I was already pushing my budget getting this. From that we did find out Hortense and Quackmore are still alive and living on Grandma Duck's farm.. but...

Like... did they meet the kids before Della came back? Why would they go along with Donald's lies? why did they never try to patch the donald and scrooge riff?

What is their relationship with the kids? How would they react to Webby, both pre and post revelation about her being a clone now and the two of her just a hangin around donald adopted? how would they treat Daisy? why are they on a farm? These are questions we fans can answer and i'll have fun doing so, this book reignited my passion and writins for the show so I might just do that, but it's stil baffling to just drop that bomb and not fill it Out matt, and especailly in the delxue edition. We also get conformation it was Matt who clearly missed the queer subtext with Webby and Lena as not only does it never come up but he outright calls them "friends who are sisters". Maybe he dosen't care some fans ship them? maybe it's his interpretation? I dunno and as one of the co creators it's fair for him to interpret it that way.. in a sense

All in good fun of course. I do respect Matt. But I also expect my right to disagree. Anyways, we don't get any new blistering insights into the world itself. But it's MORE than made up for. While this book lacks in what we coudl've had it's a really GORGEOUS celebration of what we did get. For starters we get a LOT of in depth info on the creation of the show, it's themes, and I gained a new respect for a guy I didn't even really know existed, Seam Jimenz who was the shows art director. The stuff he pulled off for the show, the tone he set and everything he and his crew were amazing. A lot of the book is he or other people on the show detailing how they pulled off shit that came off efortless to me and making me love the show even more. From blocking an episode in an enclosed place for Last Crash of the Sunchaser, to how they ONLY used fog for Missing Links of Morshire or the castle eps as a stylistic choice, to the little bits of comic fuz you see in every background there's a lot of cool details. We also get lots of great art, from the protype designs of the kids, to Lena's own evolution, to various concept art for characters. There were a lot of good designs before the awesome ones we landed on. We also get art of incidental stuff like the posters from Terror of the Terra Firmians, the very gay cake from Night on Killmotor hill, the darkwing first darkness poster.. if your a hardcore fan of thes how like I am there's a LOT to love here. So in short, as this is a fairly short review if you love hearing the people who made this show fantastic talk about how they pulled that offf, character stuff, episode ideas and other neat little stuff, this is for you. if your hoping for more of the show.. this sadly isn't it.. but maybe it'll get us more. Either way it's a great insight into the beautiful found family this show created that gave us one of my faviorite shows of the last decade. Woo-Ooo!a

[manonamora-if]

UX anon here - thank you for your response! I didn't realize the lack of resources in the community tbh. Would it be helpful if there was a master post of basic mobile UX principles to follow? Or would it be more helpful to gather a bunch of pre-existing twine templates and iterate them to be more in line with said principles? Or both?

Hi again Anon! :D

Yeah... it's kind of a common feeling. You [general you] don't know how much knowledge/resource/time/etc you need to invest until you actually make the thing you are enjoying. I've done the same when watching movies/series, believing I could write better dialogue... lol the audacity of my brain honestly...

I did make a Twine resource list some weeks back, with all I knew/could find, but I don't think there are any resource focused on mobile only. Though I do think most templates have some sort of mobile formatting/scaling in mind (even if not perfect). So this is definitely a niche to fill!

When it comes to the nitty-gritty of things, I can't really tell you which path to take (I am just one creator in the sea of many). You could send a poll to other authors, see their input.

I would advise against, though, reiterate pre-existing twine templates without the explicit consent of the creator (it might go without saying, but just in case). They might even prefer editing their templates with those advice instead of seeing their "updated" templates available out there (that's def the case for me).

But I do think the idea of a Master Post of Basic Principles with clear instructions (and images of what is good/not good!) would definitely be helpful. It leaves you open to go in more details about other principles in the future (if you want to do so, obviously you shouldn't feel pressured).

Last bit of advice, maybe check out Twine and how the different formats have built their visuals. It probably help you understand the limitations creators face when editing their UI. Theoretically, you could do anything on Twine, especially with SugarCube/Chapbook/Snowman (Harlowe is... wonky). But there are some class that have different rules depending on them being built through CSS or JavaScript.

EDIT: IF YOU POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT ON TUMBLR, TAG ME SO I CAN SHARE IT!!!

I'm also going on a bit more rambling, because I've realised I've had more feelings about the topic. PS: not directed at anyone in particular, just letting some steam out.

This is also my personal opinion, but I don't think (non-physical) IF was ever intended to be on mobile in the first place (ahem parsers/point-and-click...). When IF became a thing, there were no mobile (so that question was moot anyway). You just had a computer (maybe) that would run a program. I feels like it's been more of an evolution towards mobile use, as smaller/touch screens became the more prevalent device for entertainment (in general, not just IF). You have apps like CoG or HostedGames or those Story ones (they kind of look like VNs) that are very popular (and are incidentally fit for mobile...). And now we expect this of everyone that start with IF.***

While IF programs/format do allow for mobile support (to different degree), I do think we have to remind ourselves from time to time that IF creators still often create as a hobby, with often limited knowledge and resources. The fact that we sometimes/often uphold some IF to standard as high as actual game companies (who have headcounts and resources and knowledge to make things better) is just mind boggling to me (the number of asks/comments I get about my UI not looking professional because of a few mistakes...). Even trying to go through actual big company website is sometimes dreadful on mobile. Unileveeeeer *raise fist to the sky*...

Resources to make things more accessible (especially program/format specific) should be available to people, but we should leave some leeway to people who can't implement things or just don't want to. It might suck, but yeah... Think of it as computer exclusive projects (like you'd have with consoles :P ).

***Little side note, but we had a similar-ish discussion on the forum about Twine games during the IF Comp. It wasn't about mobile accessibility but the game being unstyled, and how many expected Twine entries to have some sort of styling and not just use the base UI, while the expectation was not as present (or not at all) for other programs. It is very interesting to go through.

[knife-moth-mc]

oo that’s actually exactly what i needed thank you! The situation with Anathema and Moth in this AU is result of an experiment with forcing two consciousnesses into one body in an attempt to gain immortality. He did not choose to be a test subject so he is understandably not happy about it. I haven’t quite figured out his deal yet but he’s supervillain adjacent ig? So far he hasn’t featured super heavily (mostly just a part where August gets caught skipping patrol to go be with him) but i plan to put him into the AU a lot more because he’s fascinating and fanfiction is how I study characters like bugs. Anyway i would always like to hear more about your boy please always. Ive watched all your vods twice now i need m o r e

Fantastic, I'm happy to help!

Anathema's a weird one for sure. I've never written or played another character quite like him, and I keep coming up blank trying to find similar characters in other media. I didn't even really create him, exactly; the very first moment he existed was the moment he spoke up during the seance. (I knew his name and the bones of his backstory by then, but I hadn't figured out his voice or personality yet.) I didn't know that the seance was going to work until it did!

As with many of my characters, I understand both C!Moth and Anathema through a combination of observation of their actions and after-the-fact analysis. This is easier for me to do with Moth, since it's so directly patterned on myself. There's been significant drift but we fundamentally think very similarly so there's not much of a gap to make up. I don't have as easy a time with Anathema because his thought patterns are pretty foreign to me, so I tend to go ramble in DMs about why he did what he did after each stream. This means I have a LOT written down about how he works.

One of my favorite things about him is the way he understands people and conversely the ways in which he struggles to understand them. He has a wildly accurate knack for reading people in exactly one specific way, which is to say that he can see very clearly who people are but is blind to the justifications and plans and trains of logic that overlay that. This makes it less useful than it sounds, a little like having X-Ray vision you can’t turn off. Everyone else is concerned with the color of people’s clothing while your only view of them is their bones; it’s hard to functionally engage on the same level. And as it turns out, people’s actions tend to be more informed by logic than by some nebulous ~who they are underneath~ so the experience of being Anathema is one of consistently being blindsided and doubting your own ability to understand people in any way.

He’s missing a pretty significant chunk of default social software in general, honestly. There’s this relatively common thing called the “nerd social fallacy,“ which essentially boils down to “all my friends should be friends with each other.” Anathema doesn’t have that, or rather, he has its opposite rather than its lack. The (healthy) lack of the nerd social fallacy goes something like “sometimes people just don’t get along, and it is good and normal to have different non-overlapping friend groups.” Anathema just... doesn’t think about how other people feel about each other. To him, all his relationships are separate and have no bearing on each other. It genuinely didn’t occur to him until prompted to tell Lux he was dating August or vice versa, for example. This is also how he’s capable of being besties with K while dating Lux.

This is where I’ll leave things for now, but I’m always glad to answer more questions if you have any. (Or point you towards symbolism or similar, because I put a lot of thought into that but don’t want to say outright what most of it means. @blorbosfromminecraft can confirm that there’s a bunch of this and I love when people engage with it.)

(Also what do you MEAN you’ve watched all my vods twice, even if you’ve just watched the lore edits those are almost 70 hours of content are you okay)

[flowerslut]

Hi!!! Loved CotN (binged the whole series in 2 days), and had one question that's bugged me since: you mention that Jasper's *only* fears relate to Alice, and that's why Skye can't fully crack him until his fears become reality and he kills her. But what if he had never met Alice? Did he have no fears before her, or he did it's just that they were insignificant in the face of meeting Alice? What would've happened with Skye - would he have been easier or more difficult to crack? (sorry if sent 2x

TWO DAYS god that's so fast for how long it is 😭😭 thanks so much for reading it and I'm glad you loved it!

IMO even canon Jasper has a very... unique experience with all emotion but especially fear. for a vampire he hasn't lived too long; 160 years sounds like a long time, but there are vampires in the Twilight universe who are literal millennia old. when you 'grow up' (for lack of a better term) as part of the southern wars and that's your introduction into vampirism, you're sort of exposed to a lot of the brutal shit that gets glossed over in 95% of the Twilight saga. you aren't going to find yourself scared of too much when you're arguably one of the scariest things around.

even Edward, remarking at one point in Midnight Sun when they're rushing to the ballet studio says “As a man of peace, Jasper struggled. But as a man of war, he was more that I'd ever imagined.” because despite the circumstances—and I'm assuming, despite the potent fucking fear Edward was experiencing—Jasper was making it so that entire stolen car full of vampires was utterly fucking focused on their mission. (and if the focus was somewhat-inspired by a certain someone's excitement willingness to finally get to murder another vampire after so long, that's for Edward and Jasper to know, and for us to only just guess about 👀)

but of course your question is about CotN Jasper, so I'll try to stay on topic here. in order to understand that part I think I have to explain more about Skye and her ability. I go into it pretty decently in Walk in the Dark, but there are still some things I both left vague and haven't fully had the opportunity to go into more depth about. she has the passive part of her ability, where she can walk into a room and low-key clock everyone's fear in the vicinity without even really trying too hard. it's not like unlike Jasper's ability in a way and it has some similarities to Edward's too. she can't turn it off, but she can focus it.

get ready for some Skye lore bestie 😛

in Call of the Night we're introduced to Skye's ability because Alice can't see Jasper when he's "under". I've never fully explained what that means in detail I don't think (but if I have, and if that contradicts anything I'm about to say, forget about that: this is the Real Lore) but when a person is "under" her ability it means that she has full reign of a portion of their subconscious. whichever part that is in charge of fear; I don't know what part that is since I don't know jack shit about the actual mechanics of the brain, sorry about that. (edit: I googled it, and it's the amygdala apparently. fun!)

Skye's ability is a fully mental/psychic one. (which is why at the end of CotN, Bella is able to give Jasper a few vital hours of precious clarity immediately post-battle.) where Edward is able to hear people's thoughts like spoken words, Skye is able to see people's fears; it's not unlike how Alice can see people's futures. they play out for Skye like a fast-paced vision that goes through her mind in an instant where she can look across a room and think "oh wow that guy really is convinced his wife is going to cheat on him with her coworker huh?" or "plane crashes? really? how original". the only catch is that when she's focusing in on these people directly it doesn't go unnoticed. Alice remarks upon the strange but faint tingling sensation that occurs in chapter 10 of Walk in the Dark when Skye tries to quite literally scare her off by reciting to Alice what her selfish fears are.

but remember: this is the relatively harmless part of her ability. (harmless to others, at least.) Skye can also force you to fully live these fears that occupy space in your brain. whatever you're afraid of, whatever would scare you, whatever is something that would cause panic or anxiety, Skye can make your brain experience these the same way that she can 'see' those very fears play out when she's detecting them. it causes the victim to lose full control over themselves and they remain trapped in an endless loop of what are essentially nightmares.

Skye is a relatively new vampire. she's only been around for a few years. the ability of hers is something that she only barely knows how to control. we even see in a vision of Alice's where Maria is frustrated by Skye's inability to control Jasper the way she needs her to, and Skye remarks "That’s not how this works, you know that’s not how this works!" because Skye is using her ability the only way she knows how to, by cycling the victim through their nightmares as much as she can to create a sort of helpless comatose state. it puts them in a state that makes manipulation easy because they become so wrapped in this alternate-reality where they're so entrapped by these horrors that telling dream from reality becomes as hard as telling up from down. (I explore this slightly in a very spoiler-heavy CotN AU in which the final battle doesn't go well.)

and as the use of the active ability increases, and as the target becomes more accustomed to what they're experiencing, it makes things more and more... interesting for sure. (with enough exposure, Jasper was able to become the killing machine that he was by the climax of the story) I won't get too into this part of the lore, because it becomes a little spoilery for Friends with the Fire and I want to keep you guys still wondering a liiiiittle bit over the next couple of years 🤠

now, is losing Alice his only fear? not exactly. if we look back up at the point I made above, Jasper has been through some rough experiences. and by rough I mean that canonically by the Saga's standards Jasper was "undeniably a nightmare, a monster of the grisliest kind." in that scene in Twilight he even goes on to tell Bella that no matter where he was, whether it was with Maria or just living as a nomad, fear was a constant companion of his. he felt it from every person he fed on. in both the actual Twilight saga and the CotN one, Jasper has had to face fear in a way that others don't have to. because of this, he's able to be more objective about his own emotion.

does that mean he doesn't care about his fellow Protectors? no, not at all. but he isn't afraid of losing them since he knows how capable they are, as fighters and just as vampires maneuvering through their strange lifestyle. some of them have even faced Jasper in battle on opposite sides fighting in a way; Jasper isn't scared of them getting hurt or dying. it doesn't mean he doesn't want them in harms way or that he doesn't care, but he knows that being anxious over their safety is a little silly. (Esme is a notable exception to this, and we'll look more into that, again, in FwtF.)

but Alice is a curveball. she has existed in a constant state of fight or flight and has "chosen flight" her entire life in an attempt to avoid, what she considers, her inevitable demise. as Jasper gets to know Alice, and as Jasper learns that Alice's visions are real, and uncanny, and scarily accurate, Jasper starts to get uneasy. and when Jasper begins to develop feelings for her, that uneasiness transforms into horror at the idea of hurting her.

the reason that Skye was so set on using the "him killing Alice" thing to crack Jasper is because it's so goddamn prevalent in his mind, that it's quite literally the only thing she can find that she knows will provide Maria with any form of potential permanent results. and even then, Skye is just doing her best. this gift is new, her control is heavily practiced and trained, but it's only been a couple of years and she's doing everything she can to make it through to sunrise each day.

fear, as an emotion, is something that our brains have developed to protect us from danger. throughout the entirety of CotN, fear is Alice's biggest companion since it's her largest hurdle, but fear is also very prevalent in Jasper's life, too, since he's had to face all of his in order to continue living the life he does. I think they're interesting foils in CotN because of this little detail. Alice meets Jasper and has to face her fears for the first time in her life. Jasper meets Alice and quickly develops a real, concrete fear for the first time in decades.

Maria tasking Skye with "cracking" Jasper—the one person on the goddamn planet who knows how to maneuver around feeling a constant aura of horror and fear—for me feels like a university professor giving an advanced biochemistry exam to an average fifteen year old. there's no way in fucking hell she's going to pass that test. but Skye is a determined little devil and she's more clever than she gives herself credit for and she was going to do everything in and out of her power to figure something out. too bad for Maria that since Skye has to also go through Jasper's nightmares along with him as he does, she formed an attachment to him. but this attachment, no matter how fucked and wild, is the only thing that keeps Alice alive in the end.

TLDR;

if Skye had been tasked with trying to "crack" a Jasper who hadn't met Alice and fallen in love? she would have reported back to Maria that first day that it was a pointless endeavor and something that would take far, far longer than they had time for. (their next step likely would've been tracking down Peter/Charlotte as a backup and then killing all of the Protectors one by one. again, a nearly impossible feat is what it would have been. and even if it had been possible, it would've taken them years, assuming that the Volturi or another country wouldn't step in to help before then)

Jasper isn't fearless, but there isn't a fear he has that he hasn't faced head-on because of who he is and where he came from.

anyways, listen to my Skye-inspired playlist nightmare induction because it's chock full of bangers and I listened to it twice while replying to this message lmfao

[earl-april]

Going to answer these two together since they're both CP related; this is going to be a long one. Thank you to both of the anons, who wrote these, they both made me smile! :)

I've been avoiding these questions until now as I didn't have a response I could give to all the people on here and in the comments on AO3, Wattpad and Quotev. I briefly touched on my plans for CP on my Discord ages ago, but I didn't explain it on here.

So far, I haven't got any plans to continue CP. I haven't decided to discontinue it yet, but I haven't had the motivation to continue it for the 2 years I've been away or even now. There are 2 main reasons for that.

I started writing CP all the way back when I was 15 and still in school. The fanfic has been going on since then and still isn't anywhere near finished. I'm 20 now, and my writing style has changed a lot since then, particularly in these last 2 years. I'm still in the GF fandom, it has always been and will always be my favourite show, and Bill Cipher will always be one of my all-time favourite characters. So I want to emphasise that my lack of motivation isn't due to a lost interest in GF or Bill. Rather, these days, I have a hard time not seeing the flaws in CP and getting annoyed at the choices I made back when and the direction I started taking the plot. This isn't to imply that I didn't know where the plot was going since I mapped out an ending and a process of events to lead up to it. However, that amount of events got too convoluted, some of the plot points and characters (OCs) were underdeveloped, and I realise now that I can barely keep up with my own damn plan. I guess I didn't realise how much of a big project CP was becoming until it was too late. I flew too close to the sun, and here we are now.

I feel the story needs a lot of editing. Some chapters need to be entirely rewritten, but I don't have the time or energy to do it. These types of edits are big, and it all comes back to the various scenes, the direction of the plot, underdeveloped characters, etc. These big edits seemed so daunting, and as time went on and I reread some of the chapters I wrote, I couldn't help but see the flaws in my writing. I suppose I lost a bit of love for CP as time went on. I realise the story isn't finished yet, and not beyond hope, but the earlier scenes play a part in foreshadowing, therefore setting up what's to come later. The only way around it is to go with my original plan or tweak it a bit. There are certain aspects I like about it, such as the ending, but there are others which I don't like. This is why I haven't chosen to discontinue it entirely, since I think there is still hope for it, but there is just a lot of work. We're not even halfway through the story yet. Really, it mostly comes down to time as I have other writing projects taking up part of my time that didn't back when I was still in high school writing fanfiction as a hobby.

Perhaps I'm holding CP to too higher a standard, considering it's only fanfiction. But it's just not in my nature to write something and not give it my full 110% effort. Unless I find some spare time and regain the motivation to write it, I won't be continuing it, nor will I have any idea of where I want the story to go.

I've decided to approach CP the same way I have with all my other fanfics. I'm going to write a chapter at a time if I can. So I may publish the next chapter as I already have the plan for it, but I can't promise anything. Though if it doesn't, it won't be a guarantee that the fanfic will be finished. Very slow updates from here on out. I understand if some people don't want to hold on waiting to see if it will be updated. I'd be annoyed at me too. Though I don't want to lie and say I'm discontinuing it and then post the next chapter x months later. I'm only going to do that if I'm 100% sure that it's the end for CP.

I'm sorry to everyone enjoying it and for this announcement seeming a bit wishy-washy. If I could give you a truthful yes-or-no answer, I would. If I decide to officially discontinue the story, I will stand by what I said in my Discord and post my notes and my original plan. That way, you all can at least have some closure and see what was going to happen and how the fanfic ends.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for supporting CP! :)

- EA

[kenobster]

honestly I wouldn’t put too much stock in follower counts and activity pages. obviously we have no idea how many followers users have but I’d wager it’s around 50 for most people, and depending on how long you’ve been on here, a good chunk of them might be inactive or lurkers.

furthermore, this used to be the reblogging things site, which has since been plagued with likes only. it’s like that for a lot of posts, big blog or otherwise. but the problem with that is, if no one reblogs things, there’s less opportunity for more notes in the first place.

the moral of this story is, do whatever you want and don’t worry about adding your voice on anything! the numbers do not matter at all

Thanks so much anon, that's very kind of you to say!!! I love every single one of my followers, even the inactive ones and even the scandalously dressed ladybots that I haven't reported & blocked yet. XD Like, I seem to be miscommunicating lately, and it feels like maybe I'm coming across as upset/stressed out/angry without meaning to? So I'm gonna take this chance to needlessly describe my activities for the last 24 to 48 hours to prove a point lmfao.

Yesterday morning, I was reintroducing my grumpy timid cat to a super friendly cat I will be cat-sitting for the next month or so, which was super fun and one of my special interests. After that, I was chillin with my fandom homies while we played Jackbox and heard each other's voices for the first time ever (voices that were audibly referencing Vader's Uterus lmfao so I was pretty ecstatic). After that, I played around with my INCREDIBLE Vader bop-it toy that I bought yesterday based on a friend's recommendation. My first Hasbro merch ever. :) I'm in love and I still can't believe it's a real thing that exists.

At that point, I checked Tumblr and... yeah, admittedly I panicked a little because I was a bit scared I'd soon get a bunch of angry asks screaming at me for being a meanyhead (to beat a horse dead, this is just a regular run-of-the-mill anxiety of having a fandom blog and it is absolutely nobody's fault). So I spent an hour or so chatting with a friend until I felt better and then I quickly made the post in question regarding my follower count so that, despite the bewildering attention Five Peggats Each has gotten, everyone would know the truth about my lack of influence lmao. (This is a compliment. From me to me. I like my lack of influence. I'm not fucking kidding lol. I actually have panic attacks sometimes about the idea of becoming internet famous. I literally don't want that lmao. Fifty to a hundred followers is an A+ amount imo, so it's about time I guess it's about time I start losing those pornbots lmfaoo.) Anyway, last night was probably the first time I've checked my follower count in the entire history of this blog tbh. So like, you're being super sweet, anon, and I'm hoping other people will see this too because it's absolutely true and I think your words would be very encouraging and reassuring to anyone who sees this!! But I promise you that my activity log statistics and teh amount of followers I have are not things I spend time thinking about.

Once that was all taken care of, I wrote/edited a little bit for my fic for QuinObi week (SO EXCITED! Literally just a few more days!). Then at around 4am, I woke up with middle-of-the-night epiphanies on how to phrase a couple things/finish/tidy up my thoughts for that Fox opinions post, and I lay in bed working on that for an hour or so. After that, I went back to sleep, woke up, chatted with the fandom homies again, and then, ever since, I've been playing a video game I've been dying to play all week. Until about an hour ago, I literally had no idea what may or may not have been going down on Tumblr, and I wasn't thinking about it at all. And now that I've enjoyed myself on Tumblr for the day, I'm probably gonna invite my mom up tonight so she can spend time with the cats while I use her as a captive audience to talk about Vader's Uterus lmfao. And then at about 10pm, I'm gonna head bed because I work for a living and I forgot to ask if I get the holiday off.

All of this to say I am fine!! I'm just chilling, living my life, doing my own thing. For me, Tumblr is like a fun thing to check out every once in a while, the same way I spent time playing my video game, enjoying my Vader bop-it toy, hoarsing around with the cats, or anything else that strikes my fancy. Kidney stones and abusive ex-bosses are the things I worry about, not like.... a pixelated number on a screen lmao. In other words, this is a hobby to me, not a livelihood, and if I wasn't enjoying my time here, I literally would not log on (and sometimes I don't log on! For days and days at a time. Because I'm enjoying other things more!)

But anyway, I will say that the thing that makes it the most fun for me here? People like you!! Who send me asks. Who share their thoughts on my posts. Who became friends that give me the confidence to make the posts that I wanna make. Who have other fun lil interactions with me. So (1) Please don't worry about me. I'm fully medicated, my back is sore, and I'm too old to be upset over fandom things lmao. And (2) I really cannot thank you and everyone who makes my fandom experience so enjoyable!!! :D Y'all are great and I'm thrilled to be able to have fun here. I'm living my best life.

[uselesssomebody]

𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕚𝕟 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕝𝕕 - cedric diggory x reader

complete masterlist | harry potter masterlist

“𝕚 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 

𝕚𝕗 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕡𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕖 𝕠𝕣 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕒 𝕥𝕣𝕒𝕡” - transparent soul | willow smith

words || 𝟝.𝟜𝕜

summary || in which the reader and cedric start dating straight after he’s chosen as a champion

a/n || i think this is the worst thing i’ve ever written i’m so sorry ➵ i’m very tired so this is not proofread; will be done in the future ➵ i might rewrite (?) some parts of this at a later date - i’ll reblog it if i do ➵ pending teen wolf anon(s): i see you and i will be getting to you soon! ➵ did tumblr update or some shit? it’s real difficult for me to edit text posts (so everything i post)

warnings || angst/fluff

the new year had been filled with considerable amount of excitement. at least a quarter of the sixth year had been buzzing with news of the recent quidditch house cup - with an ongoing chatter of viktor krum regardless of where or who you sat with. on top of that, there were the rumors of death eaters and dark marks - much more unsettling, and much less discussed. 

it’d been just three months after school had started, and my friends had already started stressing about our n.e.w.t.s. - tests that were nearly two years away. i always chastised them for their pessimism, but their persistence was, admittedly, admirable.

it was the second of november, a wednesday. with a bowl of half-eaten porridge in front of me, i half-heartedly listened to the chatter of the hufflepuff table. it was, as it had been all of yesterday, almost exclusively about the triwizard tournament and it’s champions. particularly, one champion - cedric diggory, representative of our house for the tournament. like any good house patriot, i was eager to see him win. well, the fact that he was a hufflepuff was only a bonus - his crazy good-looks and his rather sweet, endearing personality also helped in putting him quite high up on my ‘champions i’d like to see come out of this unharmed’ list.

i wasn’t joining in on any of the gossip though, trying to divert as much of my attention as possible to the neglected transfiguration homework in front of me. as i attempted to rush through answering the questions - knowing full and well that mcgonagall would be after my ass if i didn’t - i absentmindedly noticed the chatter around me quieten a little. a pair of footsteps were also coming up the table towards my side - but i disregarded it as either a classmate, teacher or, god forbid, filch. 

instead, i hear the thump of a group of people sitting down next to me. i looked up quickly, and nearly spluttered, when i realized that it was the subject of everyone’s attention.

cedric diggory, boyish smile plastered on his face, was sat next to me, with his friends - neither of whose names i could recall. he notices my confused glance, as he sends me a warm look.

“hey! don’t mind if we sit, do you?” it takes me a second to answer.

“hm? no, no - it’s no problem.”

“great, thanks! it’s a bit of a headache sitting down there with all the first years. they’re sweet, but they ask too many questions. it’s y/n, right?” a half-second of panic washes over me. he knows my name? but it leaves as quickly as it comes.

“yeah, it is. um, these are my friends.” i point them out, introducing them, and he does the same with his friends. 

there’s an easy flowing conversation that begins - without, shockingly, much mention of the tournament at all. my involvement was quite half-assed, in all honesty, due to my focus on my assignment. well, i say focus, but even that was dwindling at the sheer feeling of cedric next to me. his hand brushing over mine every time he reached over me, his knees tapping against mine, the heat of his body prominent even through his clothes. he was quick to notice my lack of input.

i feel the light tickle of his gaze on my cheek, as he leans over my shoulder to see what has so raptly ‘captured’ my attention.

“is that mcgonagall’s assignment?” i nod, an exasperated laugh leaving me.

“yeah, totally blanked on it.” he smiles too, nodding.

“makes sense, what with all the excitement and everything,” i hum in agreement, “i can help you if you’d like?” i turn my head to look at him.

“really?”

“sure, i mean, i’ve got a free period. that is, if you want it-” i start nodding before he even finishes.

“i would love that.” had i been looking at his friends, i would have noticed the knowing smiles that they’d been trying to hide throughout our conversation.

“shall we go to the library, perhaps? the dinner hall isn’t - uh-”

“the best place to study? tell me about it.” we both laugh as i grab my items, waving a quick goodbye to my friends.

the library was shockingly empty considering school was already in full swing - but, i guess the excitement of the tournament had skewed most people’s priorities.

in fact, the one person who should have studying as the last thing on his mind was the one standing next to me, weaving through bookshelves to find one of the comfortable spaces in the corners of the library.

“i’m not taking you away from anything, am i? i mean - if you have something to do, don’t let me stop you.” i voice my concern, and it causes him to look at me.

“i mean, i have a free period- oh! you meant about the tournament.” he gulps, the gulp of a man who didn’t want his voice to falter, “no, no, there’s not too much information about that yet.” i try to give him a reassuring smile, as his countenance betrays his body’s nonchalance - dislaying a look of nervousness.

“alright.” we sat in two chairs behind the ‘herbology’ section of the library. true to the content, it was decorated with small plants and flowers, a steady stream of sunlight, coming from a large window adjacent to us, falling over them.

“if i’m being totally honest,” he continues as he sits down, “i’m also looking for something to help me forget about the tournament - focusing on transfiguration might be the solution.” i nod in understanding - though i didn’t really understand. i mean, how could i? 

i took a moment to glance over at him as i got my things in order, and he was looking off, a little dazed. i clear my throat, causing him to quickly snap back to me and start looking over my paper - eager to help me out.

an hour of studying - once my homework was completed - quickly turned into a half hour of talking to each other. we cracked jokes, told stories, complained about teachers. then, that half hour of conversation turned into him walking me to transfiguration and, by the end of the day, we’d managed to find each other together - alone, again - by the fire in hufflepuff common room.

to be completely fair, we’d only been alone for a couple of minutes. the first years - who were adorable - had taken it upon themselves to ask cedric everything one could possibly ask in regards to the tournament. some went above and beyond, deciding to branch off into other topics as well. at that point, cedric’s friends, as well as another exhausted prefect, used all their might to usher the lowerclassmen away from the common room and up to their dorms. 

soon enough, cedric’s friends had also called it a night, and my own had conveniently disappeared before i’d even had a chance to see them. as suggestive as they all were being, i ignored it, deciding instead to enjoy the company of the sweet guy i had become fast friends with.

i was laughing quietly as he told me a story of how his friends had managed to pull a rather adventurous prank on snape in the third year. he’d joined me, but had stopped just a quickly. i look up at him, surprised to see his eyes already resting on me, a small smile on his face.

“hey, y/n?” i smile, trying the ease the sudden bout of awkwardness i felt.

“yeah?” he laughs a little to himself.

“god - oh, this is gonna sound stupid, but - you know how i said that the first years were being nosy at lunch and that’s why i’d come and sat with you?” i look at him, a bit puzzled as to why he was bringing this up now.

“uh, yeah - yeah, ‘f course.”

“well,” he runs a hand through his hair, “look, i’m not gonna beat around the bush - i like you quite a lot.” it takes me a second to process his statement, and when i do, my jaw hangs open. he takes it upon himself to continue, “and - well, i always that you were really pretty, and i’d see you in classes - you’re so bright - and then with the younger students, you’re so sweet and i-” he sucks in a breath, “i thought i’d shoot my shot. so - i guess what i’m trying to get at here is that - this weekend. i know it’s cheesy, but i’d love it if i could take you out. maybe hogsmeade?” i splutter, shocked that, somehow, this man - cedric fucking diggory - wanted to take me to hogsmeade, the perfect date location. i felt like i was in a movie. a concerned look fell over his face, and he quickly tried to change his statement, “we don’t have to go to hogmeade, we could go somewhere else-”

“no! i mean, no, i’d love to go to hogsmeade with you.” relief flushes his face, as he lets out a short exhale.

“oh, thank god.” he starts laughing, and i quickly join him. 

as much as i tried to keep the situation under wraps, the news was quickly figured out by my friends. upon it coming to their knowledge, i was aggressively berated for not telling them sooner - and then, subsequently, ushered to our dorm so that we could find an outfit for the day. as meticulous as my friends are, it took them from when the found out - thursday - all the way to the morning of mine and cedric’s plans to come up with one.

it did pay off, considering the expression of his and his friend’s faces when i exited the main doors of the castle. he’d been speaking with them as i noticed him on my way out. he’d stopped midsentence, the neutral expression onhis face turning onto one of pleasant surprise. i smile at him shyly, giving him a small wave as his friend turns around to see what he’s looking at. quickly realizing the situation, his friend detaches himself from us - after a quick greeting to me.

upon his friend’s goodbye, cedric turns to me. 

“ready?” i pretend to think about it.

“yeah, i think so.” he smiles, gesturing for me to loop my hand in his, before we made our way from the castle.

the town was just as it had been nearly 3 weeks previous - the last time i’d gone there. now, the light onslaught of snow added a truly piqturesque air to the town. as much as it did, i could feel myself shivering a little as cedric and i kept up slow conversation. 

“you cold?” he must’ve noticed - what with my chattering teeth. i nodded, laughing a little.

“yeah, got pressured into wearing a cute outfit by my friends. i sorta forgot how cold it gets.” he laughs at the confession, before gesturing to a cabin-like building about a hundred meters in front of us.

“well, i bet we could find something to warm us up over there. besides, if its any consolation, you look fantastic.” i bit my cheek to stop my smile from growing through wide. fuck me - he made me giddy with just a compliment. i breathily reply.

“it really is.”

as we reached the building, i quickly spotted the all too familiar vintage sign - complete with shipped wood and faded lettering. having to squint to make it out, ‘the three broomsticks’ was written on the sign, alongside a cute picture of a bundle of broomsticks. cedric pushed the door open, ushering me in, and i was immediately overwhelmed by the perfect stuffiness of the establishment. you know the kind where there’s a distinct smell of sweet drinks and old mahogany, a warmth thats more homey than overbearing, and the kinda chatter you expect from a group of 3, but was really a collection of conversations spread out over several patrons. 

“do you come here often?” cedric’s voice comes from right behind me and, for a moment, i feel his breath on my neck. as i was half-way through the process of taking my coat, the goosebumps that erupted from the area were clearly visible, “oh, are you still cold?” 

“i - no, i’m fine-” i start to protest but he’s already handing off his sweater to me. he’s left in a button up - still the part of the professional prefect perfectly. i gape for a second, before shakily accepting it with a meek ‘thanks’, “um - no,” i start as i pull the sweater over my head, “i mean, i’ve been here, but only a few times.” he nods in understanding as we make our way to our table. 

he’s quick to order us some warm drinks, trying to pay extra close attention to me by repeatedly asking my exact order. after the third time, i’d laughed, and told him to make flashcards. he’d laughed as well, running a hand through his hair. 

as we drank, the first few moments were filled with borderline silence. i had thought to myself, wondering what had changed so drastically between us in about half a week. of course, i knew the answer to that - there was a big difference between casual, friendly conversation between two people, and a date. 

he let out a small, almost embarrassed chuckle. 

“i can tell you’ve been wanting to ask about it, y’know.” i look a little shocked.

“what’re you talking about?” he laughs.

“the tournament? right? i mean, i can’t really blame you. god, even my friends practically won’t stop talking about it.” i let out a short chuckel

“i - i guess i thought you didn’t really want to think about it much.” he ponders my response.

“i mean, the time we spend together, not discussing it is exponentially more enjoyable than when i do have to talk about it.” i look at him for a moment.

“does it annoy you?” he thinks about it for a second.

“well, i guess not. it just - it gets a bit tiring after a while. besides, it means i can’t forget about it for even a second. people are just constantly looking at me, asking me questions, god. sometimes i feel like i have to be absolutely perfect.” i nod slowly.

“yeah, i mean - i can’t imagine.” my circle didn’t really extend too far out of my own friends, and the idea of having practically the whole school pay attention to me made an exaggerated wave of anxiety wash over me. he’s gone quiet again, as our drinks arrive. realizing how awkward the subject makes both of us, i let out a sigh as i wrap my fingers around the warm beverage.

i quickly change the subject, and, with a soft smile on his face, he continues the conversation smoothly.

after the first date, there was a promise of another. and then another. by the third date. our friends had already considered us the resident married couple of the group, the both of us subject to constant jokes and innuendos. i didn’t mind it, though, as i wasl literally dating my dream guy.

or, at least, that’s what it felt like for the first few weeks. as cedric and i started spending more time together in private settings, with hushed voices and hidden affection, i realized that there was a distinct lack of just that - affection. the jokes he’d make while we were in the dining hall, the way he’d slip his arm into mine as he walked me to class, the way he’d kiss me when we said our goodnights in the common room all came to a bit of a halt when we had time to ourselves in his dorm. 

as a prefect, his dorm was separate and his own, allowing the both of us, what i expected to be, ample time to discover each other more intimately, instead, it usually ended up with the two of us studying in a detached manner - him silently going through a textbook for transfiguration at his desk as i toiled over a defense against the dark arts essay on his bed. he would rarely even look at me, only remembering i’d exist once more as we were urged to join our friends in some activity or to get ready for some class. 

unfortunately, my energy seemed much more involved than his - with my mind constantly wandering to what on earth he could possibly be thinking about. the two meters between his desk and his bed always felt like ligt years when we were alone.

as the majority of the students milled through their last day of classes before the first task, there was a distinct air of excitement throughout the castle. i’d seen the three other champions at different points throughout the day, being ushered around by their excited their friends or their teachers. viktor krum looked serious, but confident - as if he knew exactly how to tackle any problem thrown at him. fleur delacour - as composed as she always is - had seemed deeply thoughtful as she walked through the corridors with the headmaster of beauxbatons. and, finally, harry potter himself - the barely-legitimate participant from gryffindor - trudging by himself throughout the corridors. his face looked as though he was trying to seem completely nonchalant, but was wearing a thin mask over layers of confusion, worry and fear. i felt bad for him - the poor boy was so young. no one - especially those of his age - should have to face such a looming challenge. 

then, of course, there was ced. i actually hadn’t seen him all day - the questions i’d asked his friends during breakfast yielding vague and, sometimes, contradictory answers. i figured that, in actuality, they had no clue where he was, and were simply coming up with likely scenarios. i decided to do the same - figuring he was given a day to practice and prepare in any way he can for the challenge - regardless of it he knew what he was tackling or not.

walking into the library quickly during my lunch break, i whizzed to the history section. i’d been putting it off this entire time - learning too much about the tournament - because i worried i would absolutely freak out and, thus, absolutely freak cedric out. nevertheless, i knew i couldn’t just ignore it forever, and, knowing the task was tomorrow, now was better than never.

pulling a large volume out centered around the documentation of different events - sports, skills and tournaments. flipping through chapters of quidditch world cups, wizard olympics and world-class spell casting tournaments, i finally found the section on the triwizard tournament. 

my jaw dropped as i read the entries about the tasks. all of them were amalgamations that could only have been created by an over-dramatic maniac. my eyes quickly fell to the ending of each year - describing the various states in which champions came out of it. some suffered with various mental disorders, others with physical disorders and - the worst - some had died. teenagers - those of my age - died during this tournament. i could feel my heart quicken and my teeth grind as i quickly picked up the book and went to sit in the small corner i’d sat with cedric at so long ago. i was determined to help prepare him in any way i could before the tournament.

as i sit down, i nearly jump out of my skin when a hand quickly clutches mine - which had been resting on the side of the armchair. so engrossed in my book, i hadn’t even noticed that there was someone sitting next to me. worse, i didn’t even realize that it was cedric. i let out a shocked gasp and slam the book shut - wincing as the thump rung out through the library.

“hey, you okay?” ced’s looking at me with concerned eyes, and i quickly nod my head, a ervous smile replacing my shocked expression.

“yeah - yeah, i’m fine.” then, i realize where we are, and what day it is, “i thought you were preparing for the tournament? what’re you doing here?” he sighs a little, dropping his hand from mine. 

“trying to get away from everything?” the meekness of his smile made it seem as if the joke he’d attempted held more truth than fiction. an air of sadness washed over me.

“are you okay?” i ask, as i set the book down. he doesn’t look at me.

“you’ve seen what happens at these tasks?” he doesn’t answer my question either.

“i - ced, we can prepare-”

“yeah, i’ve been getting a couple of the teachers to tutor me. fat help that’ll be if i don’t know what the task is.” the uneven, erratic tone of his voice makes my eyebrows furrow in worry. the composed, calm ced i knew had disappeared - replaced by this dishevelled, disordered person who had no idea as to what his next step was.

i turn to him, taking his head and forcing him to look at me.

“ced, you’re going to be fine. you’re one of the most capable wizards i know - and you’re rational, sane, and smart. that’s better than i can say for at least krum.” he let’s out a toothy grin, “whatever the task is, you’ll be able to get through it. fuck that, you’ll ace it.” he sighs deeply, nodding.

“yeah - yeah. i mean, it - i guess it can’t be that bad, right?”

it was absolutely that bad. i had accompanied cedric to the champions tent - as he urged me to give him a good luck kiss - and had stepped into the stands at the request of mcgonnagall. 

me and my friend had just gotten into our seats, greeting cedric’s friends, when we heard a loud growl and assortments of screams and shouts from the crowd. i immediaely leaned forward, looking for the source of the noise, when my head snapped up to follow the swift motion of a… fucking dragon?

the roar and coughs of smoke and flame that bellowed from the massive, scaly creature confirmed my suspicions, making me choke on my spit. i could hear blood pounding in my ears, and the voice of the announcer was muffled, save for the last few words.

“... you’re first champion, cedric diggory!” the hogwarts side of the stands went ballistic on the mention of his name - but the only thing i could do was hold my breath as he ran out of the tent. seeing the magnitude of the dragon as compared to him, i damn near passed out, the loud gasp of my friend next to me being the only thing to jerk me back up to full attention.

we watched - minutes of silence as we all prayed that he’d get out of this unscathed. so focused on the small figure of cedric running around the field, none of us noticed the dragon losing interest in the dog that it’d been chasing. i was ready to breath a sigh of relief as cedric ran - only a mere 50 meters from the tent, egg in hand - when the dragon faced him. the heat from the gust of fire that it blew out was felt on the faces of everyone in the arena. 

i screwed my eyes shut - i couldn’t watch anymore. unfortunately, i still got confirmations of my fear when one of his friends muttered a “fuck me, he got hit.” from behind me. widening my eyes in shock, i can just catch him slipping into the tent, away from the clutches of the ornery beast. 

i’m pulled up by my friend, the group of us making a beeline for the champion’s ward to check on his well-being. 

as we near, we see a large group of teachers - as well as madam pomfrey - gathered around the entrance. i attempt to squeeze through, but am promptly turned away by professor moody, his voice gruff but his tone empathetic.

“please, we’re his friends - i’m his girlfriend - i just need to see him-” his eyes both trained on me.

“sorry, dear, you’ll be able to see him soon.” he reaches into one of his many pockets to pull out a handkerchief, offering it to me. i suddenly feel the nevery obvious sensation of tears on my cheek - ones i hadn’t realized were there before - and graciously took the cloth. i felt an someone’s arm - probably a friend’s - wrap around my shoulders as i was led in the direction of the castle.

all i could think about was him.

the common room was in general uproar over the events of the day. of course, most of them were - save for our small little group tucked away in the corner. cedric still hadnt arrived, and it’d been a few hours since the end of the task.

the yellow and black flurry of colors from excited upper and lower-classmen had honestly started to make me feel a little nauseous, my mind fixated on quelling my growing worry. one of ced’s friends had a light hand placed on my back - a tentative sign of reassurance. it wasn’t doing much, though, with my bottom gnawed at to the point of injury, and the occasional welling of my eyes. 

my head snapped up at the sound of a victorious bellow - followed by other loud, excited voices. quickly pushing through the crowd, i see the object of everyone’s joy. he looked mostly unharmed, thankfully, with just the remnants of a wound on his forehead having faded to a fleshy pink. he’s got that nonchalant smile on his face - as if we’d all not just been worried that he might’ve died. i had half a mind to chew him out, until his eyes finally met mine across the sea of people. his nonchalant expression was quickly replaced with one of true joy, and i couldn’t help a relieved smile settle over my lips.

we both find each other quickly, his hands finding a familiar spot around my waist as he pulled me to him. so relieved of his lack of injury, i was fully unprepared when he swept me off the floor and spun me. amidst a crowd of hollers and laughs, i breathed a giggly ‘ced!’ as he released me to the floor. not from himself though, his face buried in the crook of my neck. 

as i felt him suck in a long inhale, i watched as people went back to the party. 

“you scared me - god, ced, i was so worried! you did fantastic, by the way - the way you evaded the dragon was fan-fucking-tastic. well, until the end anyway, but-” 

“i’m in love with you.” i felt my shoulders, which had been somewhat supporting the weight of ced’s cheek, tense, while my mouth fell open. before i could come up with any grunt of confusion, i felt the light breaths of his laughter on my neck, “god, that felt good to get out.” i cupped his head in my hands, maneuvering him so that he was looking at me. he had a euphoric, almost goofy smile plastered on his face, likely a massive contrast to the confused look on mine.

“cedric?” it’s a whisper, and i don’t even really know what i’m asking him. he hums an agreement in response. i breathe out, the hints of a smile growing on my lips, “pomfrey doesn’t have you drugged up, does she?” he snorted, making my smile widen.

“nope,” he popped the ‘p’, “just thought it was time.” i grow silent, my face becoming a bit somber. i looked between his eyes, a part of me so deeply devastated that i would find a hint of a joke in them. i didn’t.

“shit, you’re being serious.” it’s a breathy statement, one of utter disbelief. it causes him to let out a low laugh.

“why - why’s that so surprising?” i look around, suddenly so aware of the public nature of our conversation. 

“um - ced, can we…” i trail off, my eyes looking at the stairs up to the male dorms. following my gaze, he quickly understands my question - nodding and leading me through the crowd.

after a barrage of congratulations, questions and excitable shouts, we finally managed to escape the common room. cedric’s room was messier than usual - i could tell that he’d been so worried about the tournament that he hadn’t had time for his usual upkeep.

he lets go of my hand to shrug off his robes - the heat inside the room made me also itch a bit with discomfort due to the blazer i was still wearing.  he glances at himself in the mirror, wincing a little as he traced the indent of the wound.

“you okay?” it’s a quiet question, one he takes a moment to think about. 

“yeah,” he turns to me, a smile once again on his face, “battle scars, eh?” i breathe out a laugh, wrapping my arms around his middle as we look at each other in the mirror. it’s silent for a minute, “you look beautiful.” i can feel my cheeks flush, and i bury my face into his shoulder.

“oh, shut up.” it’s a joking annoyance, and it makes him laugh.

“i’m serious!” his smile’s slowly replaced by a harder look, before he turns around to face me, “why were you shocked with what i said downstairs?” i didn’t look at him as i thought of an answer.

“you - you’ve just never said it before.”

“why didn’t you believe it?” i gulp, knowing i’d been caught in my half-lie. knowing there was really no way i could avoid this conversation, i simply sighed.

“i - oh, ced, i just didn’t think you saw me that way.” there’s a hint of worry in his eyes.

“did i make you uncomfortable?” the absurdity of the statement makes me snort.

“no! god, no, ced. i - god, in fact, i think i love you too. it’s just that, well, i always thought i didn’t mean that much to you,” his eyebrows shoot up in shock, but i continue - knowing this was the only time i’d be able to get it off my chest, “you never really talked to me when we were alon, and we only really talked publicly, and - well, you asked me out right after your name was picked, so…” i trailed off, unable - once again - to look him in the eyes.

“what, you… you thought i was with you just for the sake of a relationship? for my reputation?” i close my eyes, nodding slowly. 

“i’m - i’m sorry, i know it wasn’t right to assume like that, and i know it makes me sound like a horrible, judgemental bitch, but-”

“no, no i should be apologizing,” he ran a hand through his hair, the intense look in his eyes dropping to the floor, before coming back to my face, “it’s not - it’s not cause i didn’t see you like that. i was just so stressed about the tournament, and i couldn’t focus on anything. whenever you were around was the only time i could get anything done - you made me feel peaceful.” i blush a little at his words, but he continues, “i can’t fucking believe i made you feel like that. like - fuck, like i didn’t cherish you. shit, i think i need you at this point.” i smile a little at the exaggeration, but there’s no hint of one on his face, “i’m serious. fuck, look, let’s not go too deep, but - oh, my, god. i’m in love with you.” his hands are quick to cup my face, looking for any hesitation on my part. finding none, i let him pull us together - the slightly chapped feel of his lips meshing with mine causing my mind to go blank for a few moments. 

even when we broke apart, we didn’t let go, our faces mere inces from each other - the feel on both of our breaths on each others cheeks. i let out a breathy laugh.

“i - i love you too, ced.” he smiles, peppering light kisses on my cheek.

“sorry i made you feel-” he starts another apology, but i’m quick to stop him.

“don’t worry. you’ll have all the time in the world to make up for it.”

[kpostedsum]

high | d.m

summary: you find an unhealthy way of coping after draco cheats on you

warnings: drug use (marijuana) angsty¿, cheating, illusions to sex

song: habits - tove lo

a/n: this fic isn’t meant to romanticize drug use in any way. i also know nothing abt weed so LOL and very rushed & not edited

masterlist | taglist

I eat my dinner in my bathtub

Then I go to sexclubs

Watching freaky people gettin' it on

It doesn't make me nervous

If anything I'm restless

Yeah, I've been around and I've seen it all

you had a few minutes left of your charms class which was your last class before the weekend. you wanted nothing more than to get out of here and cuddle up with your boyfriend— who was enjoying his free period right now.

draco was one of the best boyfriends you could ask for, the frequent dates, gifts, and attention— it was more than you could wish for.

“you’re excused. you essays are due at the beginning of next week” snapes monotone voice dragged on as you quickly packed up your things and made your way to the slytherin common room.

I get home, I got the munchies

Binge on all my Twinkies

Throw up in the tub

Then I go to sleep

And I drank up all my money

Days get kinda lonely

entering the slytherin common room your eyes immediately searched for a certain blond boy, yet he was nowhere to be found. you made your way to the boys dorms in hopes of finding him there but you’re quickly interrupted by two familiar voices.

“why hello y/n, marvellous weather we’re having today aren’t we?” theo asked looking towards the ceiling and smiling as if he were outside, blaise blocking your path as he did so.

“i’m not sure what weather you’re talking about since we’re inside but i am okay thank you” you responded with a chuckle, trying to make your way past blaise.

“wait y/n” he stopped you. “can i borrow the astronomy notes? i would ask luna but i can’t find her anywhere” blaise continued.

they both seemed awfully on edge and anxious, you figured it was just quidditch nerves getting to them since there was an upcoming game this week.

“i have yet to finish my astronomy notes, but i did see luna in the great hall if you want her notes. now if you’d excuse me i’d like to see draco” you said trying to push past the two boys who still wouldn’t let you through.

“forget malfoy! let’s do something instead, we’re so much more fun than him, right blaise?” theo said giving blaise a pointed look as he threw his arm around your shoulder.

“right you are nott, let’s go!” blaise continued also throwing his arm around your shoulder and leading you away from the boys dorm.

“what? no, i have plans with draco. now excuse me” you said pushing them both off and heading towards dracos door.

as you get closer to his door you can hear heavy breathing, pants and skin slapping on skin. you’re confused, you figured draco would be taking a nap or running over drills for quidditch practice. the closer you get, the louder the noises become.

“pans, you feel so good”

you recognize that voice anywhere.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

quickly you turned your head towards blaise and theo who had their heads lowered in shame, refusing to meet your gaze. “is this some kind of sick joke, are you guys pulling a prank or something because this isn’t funny” you said seriously not wanting to believe what you’re hearing from inside of your boyfriends dorm.

“we’re sorry, we tried to convince him not too but he wouldn’t listen” theo muttered silently.

it felt like your world was breaking apart slowly. just not too long ago you were excited to spend a weekend with your boyfriend who you loved so dearly, the same boyfriend who you’ve been dating for years, the same boyfriend who gets jealous about how much time you spend with his mum rather than him.

with shaky fingers you put your hand on the door knob and quickly pushed the door open, already preparing for the worst.

there he was, wrapped up with parkinson in the same bed you two shared not even twenty-four hours ago. her body straddling his naked, just like yours was doing the night before. you stood there frozen, mouth agape— not even knowing what to do with yourself.

“baby, i can explain, just please— y/n please don’t leave” draco said pushing pansy off of him, shuffling on his pants and reaching out towards you.

“dont touch me, malfoy!” you yelled and everyone froze. “you lost the right to touch me the minute you even thought of touching her” you continued sending both him and pansy a glare with tears threatening to slip from your eyes.

“darling please, i can explain—”

“no draco, we’re done just leave me alone, please” your voice cracking at the end as you pushed past blaise and theo rushing towards the girls dormitory.

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

it’s been days since you last left your room, days since you last saw draco. daphne would come by and check on you but you’d always dismiss her, wanting to be alone. regret is one word to describe how you’ve been feeling— you gave him everything and he threw it away so carelessly for a quick hook up.

you missed waking up against his smooth skin in his embrace, tracing the lines and scars across his porcelain skin as you waited for him to wake up, the way he’d try to kiss you in the morning without brushing his teeth and you wouldn’t let him because of morning breath— but he’d still do it anyways.

you missed him, but he didn’t want you anymore.

maybe it was something you’ve done, you’ve been quite busy with work recently so you haven’t been spending as much time with him as normal. he was probably lonely and trying to seek the attention you lacked to give him.

getting up, you stared at yourself in the mirror picking yourself apart. you were pretty, it was a well known fact around hogwarts, maybe he thought she was prettier. she was the life of the party and always up for some mischief whereas you preferred to do stuff in silence and would rather be with a small group of people. maybe he liked how exciting she was in comparison to you, she probably brought a spark of excitement to his life that you couldn’t.

dreading to feel something you quickly showered and got ready to leave your room hoping to run into a specific set of twins.

Pick up daddies at the playground

How I spend my daytime

Loosen up the frown,

Make them feel alive

I'll make it fast and greasy

I'm on my way to easy

“well what can we do for you today” fred said to you with a cheeky smile plastered across his face.

“do you have any muggle herb left?” you asked in a low voice making sure no one heard you.

“maybe we do, maybe we don’t” george said. “how much are you offering in exchange though” he continued.

“ten galleons for three ounces, is that enough” you said pulling the galleons out of your pockets and placing them in george’s palm.

“it was a pleasure doing business with you” they said in unison as fred placed the tiny baggie in your pocket so no one would see.

once you returned to your dormitory you quickly pulled out the pre-rolled muggle herb, lit it and let yourself forget.

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

Spend my days locked in a haze

Trying to forget you babe

I fall back down

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

you started showing up to class late with red tired eyes, not caring about the looks you got. at this point every one knew what had happened but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

the muggle herb brought you a sense of bliss and freedom, a new feeling you haven’t felt before but something that you now craved.

“are you high right now?” draco said as he sat himself in the seat beside you.

“since when do you care about what i’m doing” you said sharply, not wanting to talk with him.

“love, you don’t smoke. who gave that stuff to you, i’ll kill them—”

“no you won’t.” you said turning towards him. “you won’t do any of that because you don’t own me and i’m not your girlfriend anymore. so mind your business malfoy, i’m sure parkinson’s waiting for you”

the rest of the class you both sat in silence working on potions that draco did most of since you weren’t in the correct mind state and he wasn’t willing to let his mark falter over your slip up.

you find it amazing how even when you’re on drugs he still looks amazing. the way his nose curves perfectly with a slight bump, and the way his hands move with caution as he pours the potion into the waste bucket.

“look, i’m sorry for what happened with pansy. it didn’t mean anything i swear, i don’t know why i did it but i regret it with my life” draco said breaking your thoughts, he looked older than normal and had dark circles underneath his under eyes. you wondered why he looked so distraught when he wasn’t the one who got cheated on.

“a sorry isn’t going to fix this draco” you told him. he knew you were right but he didn’t want to admit it. he hadn’t talked to pansy since the day you walked in on them, the guilt has been eating him up inside. he stayed silent and didn’t bother respond to you, he knew anything he said would have made the situation worst than it already is— but how he wished you were still his sweet y/n.

“now if you excuse me, i have some fun to attend too” you said leaving him alone as you made your way back to your dorm.

Staying in my play pretend

Where the fun, it got no end

Can't go home alone again

Need someone to numb the pain

You're gone and I gotta stay

High all the time

To keep you off my mind

over the last few weeks, you couldn’t remember the last time you were sober. you started skipping classes to smoke and avoiding your friends so they’d stop questioning your habits.

you were forgetting and that’s all that mattered, you didn’t care how it was affecting your health— it made you feel better. sometimes you wished there was another way, another way to forget how he held you at night pressing soft kisses to your skin, another way to forget the way he took pansy the same way he took you. you wonder if he feels as sorry as he looks, he’s the one who cheated so he can’t possibly care that much.

you hear two knocks at your door which quickly break you from your state making you more attentive, cleaning yourself up and opening the door. there stood draco— his eyes red as well, like hes been crying.

“y/n listen, i know what i did was wrong and that i tried to pretend it wasn’t me but please. i didn’t mean too, you mean the world to me. i miss you so much love.” he pleaded with you.

“y’know draco, i miss you too” you admitted. “but i’ve found a way to forget about you, maybe you should do the same”.

Gotta stay high all my life

To forget I'm missing you

-

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