#EVERY TIME I REALIZE LIKE. WOW THEY ARE SO IN LOVE. IT HEALS ME SO MUCH | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ilovebuckers5 · 6 months

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⋆.ೃtreat me better ࿔*:･

paige Bueckers x fem!reader

words : 3k

themes :

-angst

-18+

-comfort

warnings :

-drinking

-slight sexual content

-homophobia

A/N - I got this idea at like 2 am and it took me three days to write it but I love it tbh.

No matter how close the game was, the girls will always go out after a win. Most times I choose to not tag along since i'll probably get pushed aside. This time Paige and the girls came home more excited than usual. They made it to the final four. I was laying on the couch watching a couple episodes of friends when the doorknob of my apartment shook open. The sound of Paige's keys jingling single handily lifted me off the couches cushions. My eyes lit up even more when Paige's bright eyes met with mine.

I was originally just a trainer for Paige when she tore her ACL but during all of that, I was also trying my best to improve my volleyball career. Once I realized that being Paige's trainer would lead to a bit more, I also realized that I would get invested in everything else. Now that she was healed I tagged along the other girls, helping them out when no one was there to help with their own injuries. Finally, the season was almost over. All the other people that helped out with the teams injuries were back and ready to work. So this was my chance to get back on the volleyball court and actually pursue something. Paige was there the whole way. Anytime I would push her away so that she could focus on her own goals she would say something along the lines of "you helped me so much y/n I can't just not give anything back" and I just couldn't say no when she had that sexy of a voice. Who said that. Everything was chill, me and Paige stayed friends and we helped each other reach our goals. It felt nice to have such a good friend by my side with all that I was going through.

Paige walked through the door and her bright blue eyes met mine. She had a couple tears of joy in her eyes ready to fall and once they did I was ready to gently wipe them away. I wrapped my arms around her torso while hers were lifting me up in the air. Wow she never did that before. A loud giggle left my mouth when i noticed that I was in the air now. The blondes arms had a tight grip on my waist, keeping me up with stability. When she finally let me down all she did was jump around the living room like a child. "Did you see me and Nika's blocks?" She yelled across the room while I stood in place with my hands on my hips. A very entertained look was on my face while I watched Paige leap through the living room. "Yes i did! I saw everything!" I rushed up to Paige to hold her in place and calm her down. Before I could pull her into another hug, our phones buzzed at the same time. Paige pulled hers out first and looked down at a text from KK asking if we were up for a party tonight. Without hesitation Paige grabbed onto my wrists and shook them around while begging for me to come with. "Are you serious Paige? We do this every time, i don't like parties...." Paige kept on whining while giving me puppy dog eyes. I guess this once wouldn't be bad.

WRONGGGG

So I gave in and went to my bathroom to get ready. Most of Paige's stuff was here already so she didn't bother going back to the teams house to get ready. I spent around 45 minutes getting ready. I don't know why. It's not like there would be anyone important there. It's just a party. Nothing more. I dragged the mascara wand against my eyelashes while blinking to dry them quicker. I took one last look in the mirror before going to my closet to pick out an outfit. My eyes were immediately drawn to a black tube top and some jean shorts. It was probably going to be cold outside so I grabbed a red zip up to cover my bare collarbones and shoulders. The only shoes I could find were my red converse which I was kind of lucky to have. I walked out of my walk-in closet to find Paige sitting on the edge of my bed, putting on a pair of shoes. The moment i stepped out, Paige's eyes were very obviously clinging to my body. She tried to hide the fact that she was staring hard at my top by complimenting me quickly. "Shit you look good! Everyone's gonna be on you..." Her words dragged on with very clear tones of jealousy. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a red button up flannel. Fuck me.

Once I had grabbed my purse and some lip balm, Paige held my hand while walking out the door and I locked it behind us. We walked over to Paige's car and the moment we got inside it was Drake on repeat. She sadly grabbed the aux before I could. The entire drive was filled with Paige's voice cracking every other lyric and me pretending to not know every line. The bar that the girls decided to be at seemed way nicer than the others. Of course I may have not been out either the girls a lot but the times that I was, most of the places they partied at were just a tad bit sketchy. Paige parked her car next to Aubrey's and stepped out of the car before brushing off her shirt by sliding her hands down her chest. She clearly wanted to look presentable. The second I heard Chase Atlantic playing on the speakers I couldn't resist from singing, almost screaming, to the lyrics. I waved to a couple of the girls who were sitting at a booth right ahead of me and Paige.

"What took ya'll so long?" KK said before shoving Paige's shoulder with a wide smile on her face. "This one did" Paige said gesturing behind her to me. "She must have someone to impress huh" Ice teased me while poking at my hip. I let out a forced laugh knowing that they were right. "Nuh uhhh. I just like doing my makeup to go out..." I lied quickly. Before anyone could make anymore remarks on how i cared about my appearance, Nika came around the corner with a plate of shots for everyone. I jumped up once she set down the cup and wrapped my arms around her back. "NIKA!" I squealed, clinging myself onto Nika's body. She leaned back a little, almost falling back from the intensity of my hug. "Woah! Heyyy!" Her arms settled around my waist, melting into my back. My eyes were shut against Nika's skin but when I opened them I saw Paige staring the both of us down with not an ounce of happiness on her face. I tried my best to not react but jesus it was hard. Is Paige Bueckers, my best friend, jealous that i'm hugging her teammate? Or am I just tweaking.

I stepped away from Nika and gave her a squeeze on her forearm before pulling Paige to the side and whispering to her. "You good? You looked pissed at me just right now." She did nothing but nod. Just a simple nod. She took a sip of her drink before going over to talk with Azzi. I looked around the building to see if there were any other girls scattered around the place but for the most part everyone seemed to be in the same place. I walked up to the table of our booth and took a shot before leaning my head on Paige's shoulder. Most people viewing from afar would think that we were dating but I swear we have no feelings for each other. Paige doesn't at least. I had been messing around with the short sleeve of Paige's flannel when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I spun around to find one of my old volleyball teammates staring at me. I didn't realize it was her until she gave me that 'bitch do you not know me' look. I gasped louder than ever before wrapping my arms around the girl. "Oh my God Liv?! What are you doing here?" I squealed while pulling myself out of the hug. "I transferred a couple months ago! I saw on your Instagram that you went here and decided to surprise you. Plus my boyfriend plays for the basketball team so..." I turned around to pull Paige over in Liv's direction to introduce the two girls. "Paige this is Liv!" I say, frantically tapping the blondes shoulder. "Remember we played volleyball together in high school?" Paige was silent but seemed chill. She just kept of nodding in agreement with the same enthusiasm I was giving her. "I'm gonna go catch up with her ok? Don't dance without me p!" I yelled out while walking across the bar to sit down with a couple of Liv's friends.

I ended up sitting between her and a brunette guy. I didn't want to rude, so I introduced myself to him before Liv could. "Hey I'm y/n." I held my hand out in front of the guy. He looked at me in the eye, making me notice that his eyes were even more blue than Paige's. Damn. He held onto my hand and shook it for what felt like longer than needed. He had a shy smile on his lips and did anything he could to not break eye contact with me. "I'm Carter." It felt like our hands were melting together before he pulled away to look at Liv. "Carter this is y/n!" Apparently me and Carter were quiet enough for people to not realize that we already knew each other by now. "Oh yeah she introduced herself already." He pointed his thumb to the side, motioning to me. A little time passed that was filled with mindless drunken conversations. My head had slowly fallen on Carter's shoulder and It took me by surprise when he didn't shove me off. So I pretended to sleep soundly when I was really listening in on whatever nonsense every what talking about now. I slowly tried to inch my arm through Carter's to loop our limbs together. This is when he knew that I wasn't asleep, he gently moved his arm away from his hip for me to fit my arms through before closing in on my arms. What the fuck am I doing. Now I tried my best to act tired when he tapped me "awake." I sat up and looked around while rubbing my eyes gently enough to not smudge any mascara. "I think I'm gonna head home now." Liv snapped her head to me and furrowed her eyebrows. "What why? We've only hung out for a little bit." She whined. "I don't know I'm just tired already." I groaned while standing up and grabbing my purse. I was about to leave when I felt Carter's strong hand hold onto mine while he lifted himself up. "Let me drive you home."

Me and Carter were halfway to exit when I remember that Paige was probably still waiting for me. Just as we were going to cross the booth that Paige and her team were at I changed my mind. "Actually Carter I'm sorry but I have a friend that goes home with me and I cant leave her alone." His expression changed immediately.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." He had his hand wrapped my wrist now.

"Seriously I would feel so shitty if I just left her." I laughed off what started to feel like fear.

"No. Come on stop being ridiculous, you need to get home." His hand started to tighten around my skin.

"Carter can you stop. Just let me go home with her." I started to try and shake my arm out of his grip.

"Y/n just fucking stop. Lets go." He tugged on my wrist, trying to lead me out the door. This was perfect timing for me to be in the girls' sight now.

"Shit! Carter let me go!" I stopped walking and stood still while trying to pry his hand off of my wrist.

Finally Paige looked up and saw what was going on. Not a single ounce of hesitation crossed her mind. She stood up and rushed over to me. "Hey man let her fucking go!" She stormed in Carter face while holding a hand around my waist, pulling me away from the brunette. Carter was startled away by the 5'11 girl that had just as much confidence and more than his own. I had a couple tear in my waterline but quickly got rid of them by blinking and wiping the wet streaks of of my face. "Woah back off, I'm just trying to take her home." Carter snapped at Paige. "No, fuck off." Paige turned around with me in her grasp and walked back over to the booth. Everyone but Caroline didn't even realize what just happened. "Fine, I wouldn't want to fuck a dyke anyway." Carter yelled back at both me and Paige. It took everything in me to not turn around and swing at Carter. So Paige did it for me. she threw a hard punch right at the brunettes nose, knocking him back against the floor. "Jesus Paige!" I wrapped my hands around both of her arms and pulled her away. Her adrenaline faded away in less than a second but I swear I could still see fume flowing out of her ears. She winced while rubbing her knuckle back and forth. "Lets go." Paige said coldly while look down at Carters now bloody face. I nodded silently before holding onto her hand and walking the two of us out the exit door. Surprisingly, Paige hand gotten even a little tipsy that night. As much as I didn't want to make her drive, I didn't want to get into a crash at 12 am so Paige drove me to my apartment and unlocked the door. "Paige no. come in." I refused to let her drop me off and deal with whatever anger was built up in her alone.

I practically dragged Paige out of the car and through my door. She seemed more drunk than I was right now. I walked her to my bathroom and tapped on the counter, gesturing for her to sit down on it. She lifted herself up and winced again after putting pressure of her wounded hand. Her legs were swinging back and forth while she fidgeted with her own thumbs and I grabbed a first-aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Her legs were spread just enough for me to fit myself in-between. I rested against her thigh while holding her fist in my hand and gently swiping away the excess blood. "This is gonna hurt." Were the only words I let out from when she punched Carter to when we almost fell asleep. I dabbed a cotton ball soaked with rubbing alcohol on the very tip of her knuckle, causing Paige's head to tilt back while she swayed her feet a bit more aggressively. "Shit!" she whined a bit before I pulled the cotton ball away and threw it in the trash can. Now that her fist was clean I could've just left it like that. I could've cleaned up the mess, put everything away and go to sleep. But of course I had to raise her hand up to my lips and place a gentle kiss on her knuckle. A lingering smell and taste of rubbing alcohol transferred to my lips but I tried to hide that. When I looked up, Paige's eye were locked onto mine. I did everything in me to attempt to look away but before I could I felt Paige's soft lips pressed into mine. I quickly got more comfortable with the kiss and slowly moved my hands to wrap around Paige's waist. I tilted my head to the side to perfectly fit her nose in between my eye socket and my own nose. She pulled away gently to look at me and protest what just happened. "I'm sorry-"

"Shut the fuck up."

I moved my hand up to Paige jawline and continued to wrap my lips around hers. I could feel that she didn't want to pull away but felt like she had the need to. "Sit up." I whispered through kisses and that she did. Paige stood up and moved her hands around my back, slowly moving them closer to my ass. I led her to my room and shut the door behind me before pushing her against the bed. I unlatched our lips to speak one more time.

"How long have you wanted to do this?"

"Long fucking time."

"I know."

I let my tongue slip in between Paige's lips, tangling itself with her own. Her hands were now running a long my back under my shirt. I pulled away for one last second to take of my shoes and jacket before fully crawling on top of Paige's lap and placing kisses down her neck and collarbones. Soft whines escaped the blondes mouth as I move closer to the opening of her flannel. Without removing my lips from her skin, I unbuttoned the flannel to reveal just a black sports bra. I looked up at Paige, giving her a look that was waiting for approval to take off her bra. She nodded eagerly giving me the chance to take it off. I couldn't help but stare at her tits before moving my lips further down her chest now reach her stomach. I traced my lips against each toned ab that she had. I could feel her stomach flexing against my mouth once I reached her bikini line. Now I gently unzipped her jeans and slipped them down her legs before tossing them to the side. The only noise I heard were the desperate whines leaving Paige's mouth, getting louder the lower I moved my lips. I practically tore her boxers off.

This is what I needed.

#paige bueckers #lesbian #basketball #uconn wbb #uconhuskies #smut #paigexreader #paige x reader #Paige bueckers smut

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scoonsalicious · 6 months

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Chapter 6, Unattached - Pt. 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Fem!Reader

Summary: When your FWB relationship with your best friend Bucky Barnes turns into something more, you couldn’t be happier. That is, however, until a new Avenger sets her sights on your super soldier and he inadvertently breaks your heart. You take on a mission you might not be prepared for to put some distance between the two of you and open yourself up to past traumas. Too bad the only one who can help you heal is the one person you can no longer trust.

Warnings: (For this part only; see Story Masterlist for general Warnings) Language, angst (Bring on the Pain!), alcohol usage, dumbass Bucky, noncon kissing that becomes con kissing, so..., arguing, jealous!Pocket, posessive!Bucky.

Word Count: 5.4k

Previously On...: After Bucky left you alone in your room, not wanting people to get 'the wrong idea' about the two of you, you came to the horrible conclusion that you were in love with your best friend. What the hell are you going to do about that?

A/N: Wow, okay! So, first off, Chapter 6 is long, and it only has the one part, so don't worry if you go looking for more and the next thing you find is Chapter 7! Second, there's a lot of progress and updates on Unwanted I wanted to share! I am already well into writing Chapter 14, and have planned out the rest of the story. We'll have a total of 25 chapters, plus an epilogue (unless something strikes me creatively that throws the entire thing for a loop, then all bets are off). This beast, as it currently sits, is already 208 Google Docs pages long and just shy of 80k words, so final product is probably going to be novel-length, which just blows my mind. I want to give a special shout out to @mrsbuckybarnes1917 for being my beta and my sounding board; your help and support has been immeasurable!

Thank you to all those who have been reading; if you like what you've read, likes, comments, and reblogs give me life, and I truly appreciate them, and you!

Banner By: The absolutely amazing @mrsbuckybarnes1917

Taglist: (Please let me know if you’d like to be added!) @jmeelee @cazellen @blackhawkfanatic @les-sel @marcswife21 @buckybarnessimpp @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @erelierraceala @hayjat @capswife @itsteambarnes @jupiter-107 @marygoddessofmischief

You stood in front of the doors to the common room, the low thrum of conversation and music filtering out from inside. Taking a deep breath, you tried for the umpteenth time to calm your nerves following your unsettling realization.

You had no idea how to approach this, how to approach Bucky. Do you tell him how you felt, in the hope that he felt the same way? But what if he didn't? Could you risk losing him all together? Or do you just keep on like nothing's changed, happy with what you have together? Would that be enough for you? Could you even be happy in a real relationship?

Why couldn't your mother have just been a decent human being and let you go to school like a normal child so you could have worked through all your awkward issues at the appropriate time, instead of saddling you with years of trauma and isolation that left you an emotionally stunted adult? God, you needed a strong drink and to talk to Nat, preferably in that order. Pushing open the common room door, you stepped inside, surveying the room with one eye out for Bucky, the other out for your friend.

It should have been of no surprise, then, that instead of either, you first spotted Jade Carthage. She was situated on a couch in the center of the room, like a queen on her throne before her court, and nearly every Avenger and agent with a penis was surrounding her, jockeying for her attention, even Clint who, you knew for a fact, loved his wife Laura more than life itself.

Your stomach dropped when, after one of the agents in front of the couch shifted slightly, you saw Bucky sitting immediately to Jade's left. And while it seemed like everyone else was clamoring for Jade to pay attention to them, she only had eyes for him. Jealousy coursed through you as she leaned in close, whispering something into his ear that had him throwing his head back in laughter. It was an entirely unpleasant sensation that you would be happy to never feel again. Especially because you knew you had no real right to feel it in the first place. You may have just realized you were in love with him, but he had made no similar declaration to you.

"Careful, you glare any harder, you're liable to bore a hole straight through him," Natasha said, coming up alongside of you.

"What if I aim for her, instead?" you asked, reaching for the tumbler of alcohol she offered you and taking a sip to distract yourself. It was like she could read your mind.

Nat shrugged. "So long as I'm not the one cleaning up the mess, I say have fun. But what happened to no-strings-attached, friends who happen to fuck?" Nat asked with a smirk. "Don't tell me you've grown strings, Pocket."

You looked away from the scene in front of you. "There might be some growing of string, in theory," you mumbled to her. Nat was the only person you had confided in regarding your arrangement with Bucky. Of course, your friend had been thrilled that there had been something going on between the two of you, but she'd been more concerned about protecting your heart-- was this the safest thing for you to do? You assured her at the time you'd be fine, but now...?

Nat's eyes widened as a grin took over her face. "Honey, that's fantastic!" She leaned in to give you a hug. "I'm so happy for you!" Taking in your forlorn expression, she quickly lost her good humor. "Why do you look like you're about to throw up?"

You cast another glance over at the couch. Jade was tracing her fingers along the golden veins of Bucky's vibranium arm and you felt like snakes were crawling through your stomach. "Because I don't know what the fuck to do about it, Natty," you told her with a sigh. "I've never felt like this before in my entire life and it's fucking terrifying; what if he doesn't feel the same way? Or worse, what if he does and I mess everything up because I'm so fucking damaged inside?"

Natasha looped her arm through yours, leaning into you. "Honey, first of all, you are not damaged. You've been through hell and it left its mark on you, that's true, but you've been so strong. We're House Martell, remember?"

You sniggered, remembering how, when the entire Tower was obsessed with watching Game of Thrones together and picking what houses you'd each belong to, you and Nat had been drawn to the words of the ruling house of Dorne. And also, Pedro Pascal, obviously.

"Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken," you recited from memory, a reminder that despite the obstacles life had thrown at you, you remained standing, stronger for what you had endured.

"Atta girl," Nat nudged you with her elbow. "And second of all, you don't need to worry about Bucky's feelings. Boy's obviously mad for you. Everyone can see it."

You drew your bottom lip in between your teeth. "I don't know, Nat. He's been acting strange lately. I tried to give him head earlier and he flat out rejected it." Come to think of it, that was exceptionally weird since, in your text exchange, he'd explicitly told you he'd been waiting in your room specifically for the purpose of getting off.

"Huh. That's... not like him." Nat tilted her head and looked over at Bucky, expression curious. "Did he say why?"

"He was real eager to come up here and get in the middle of that, apparently." You waved a hand in the general direction of the couch where Jade's little reverse-harem was still going strong. "I was getting on my knees and everything."

Nat raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"And then he made a really big deal about us coming up here separately. Said he didn't want people getting 'the wrong idea' about us if we arrived together."

Letting go of your arm, Natasha spun to face you, her face a mask of anger. "He said what now?!" she practically shouted, temporarily drawing everyone's attention to you. You looked around sheepishly as you tried to dismiss their stares.

"Nat," you begged in a whisper, "keep it down."

"Okay, okay, sorry." Natasha lowered her voice to a level only you could hear. "I'm sorry, but that's just complete and utter bullshit. Look, I know you guys think you've been in super secret stealth mode about hiding it, but pretty much everyone on the team knows you've been sleeping together. Hell, most of us placed bets on it." You opened your mouth in order to protest but she cut you off.

"If anything, it's weirder if the two of you don't show up to something together, so I don't know what the hell he's thinking."

"I do," you said morosely. "He doesn't want her getting the wrong idea about us."

"Pocket, don't even let your mind go there," Nat said.

"Think about it, Nat; I've been standing here for what, fifteen minutes now? And he hasn't even looked at me. When's the last time that happened?"

Nat's brows creased, her expression clouding over into something immensely sad for you, and you knew she was realizing what you'd already seen. In the last year, you and Bucky had been attached at the hip, nearly physically joined to one another, and if you were apart, your eyes were always scanning the room in search of the other's presence, seeking them out. The fact that he hadn't even looked for you, let alone come to you since you walked in, was telling in its own heartbreaking way.

Nat let out a heavy sigh. "Oh Pocket. Honey, I'm so sorry."

You shook your head, trying to dispel the tears that were threatening to fall from your eyes if you kept down this path. "Don't Natty, please. I can't fall apart, not here."

"Yeah, okay-- you're right. Now is not the time. Come on." Linking her arm through yours once again, she directed you toward the bar where Tony was standing, whiskey in hand. "If anyone can talk you to distraction," she murmured as you approached him, "it's Stark."

You let out a startled laugh and let her guide you toward the man who had already saved you more times than you could count.

"Hey, kiddo; Romanoff." Tony saluted you with his glass and you did your best to smile back at him as you stuffed your emotions down as far as they would go. "What do you think of our new recruit?" he asked Nat.

"I think 'Weasel' would be a better fitting code name for her than 'Vixen,'" Nat replied with a sly smile as she took a sip of wine.

"Ah, saw the security feed, did you?" Tony asked her. Nat nodded.

"Watched it live as it happened. Wasn't going to leave my bestie without eyes on her six." She gave your arm an affectionate squeeze.

Tony hummed and glanced over to the couch. "Wish Cap had been as discerning as you. He refused to watch the feed; said it made him uncomfortable to spy on someone when they didn't know they were being recorded." Natasha rolled her eyes.

"Always the fucking Boy Scout," she murmured.

"So, how did the interview itself go?" you asked Tony, not really sure you wanted to know the answer, but feeling the need to punish yourself with the details, anyway.

Tony leaned back against the bar, resting his elbows on the polished wooden surface. "If it were up to me, we wouldn't even be playing this charade right now," he said, motioning with his chin to indicate the meet and greet. "Girl's a first-class bullshitter."

"Talent recognizing talent?" you asked with a wry smile that almost felt genuine.

He pointed a finger and winked at you. "Exactly. She talked a good talk, but it doesn't take much to see she's suffering from Big Fish, Small Pond Syndrome. She's in for a rude awakening if she thinks she's ready to swim in the ocean with the whales and the sharks."

"So, you're not going to offer her the probationary position?" you asked, hope rising pathetically in your chest. As if you could un-ring the bell.

"Oh, I didn't say that," Tony said as you deflated. "It's not all up to me. Though, given the fact that I personally fund this entire operation, you'd think it really should be, right?" At the look on your face he moved on. "Apologies, I digress. Anyway, Cap thinks it's only fair we offer it to her, seeing as how we don't have a ton of other options knocking on our door, and Fury's not going to get off my ass until we find someone." He sighed. "I think this entire exercise is a waste of time, and we should be kicking her out on her ass for how she treated you earlier, Pocket, but I'm outvoted."

"Thanks, Boss," you said softly, grateful at least that Tony could see through Jade's facade and took how she treated you seriously. Too bad your best friend couldn't offer you the same courtesy.

The timer on Tony's watch went off. "And that's the dinner bell," he said, putting down his glass. Clapping his hands, he called out to the rest of the room. "Attention Avengers, SHIELD Agents, and... whoever else managed to sneak in off the street! Dinner is served, so if we could all head to the dining room before the food gets cold and Raul quits on me, I'd appreciate it very much."

You held back as the crowd of people noisily moved to the dining room, hoping to catch Bucky's eye, but he remained steadfastly absorbed in his conversation with Jade.

"Come on, honey," Nat said as she took your elbow. "You can talk to him during dinner. You nodded and allowed her to lead you into the dining room. You and Bucky had sat next to one another, without fail, for every meal for the last year, the only exception being when one of you was away on a mission. You'd have plenty of opportunities to talk to him while you ate.

Normally, you all ate at one large table, but since this was a special occasion that required the attendance of a lot more than just the regular 13 members of your family (14, if Parker was around), Tony had the dining room arranged more like a restaurant, with a series of smaller tables spread out throughout the space.

You and Nat followed Bucky and Jade to a six-top where Steve and Sam were already getting ready to sit down, but you froze in your tracks when Bucky pulled back a chair for Jade, pushing it in behind her as she sat down before taking the seat next to her.

The air seemed to grow heavy, as though it weighed too much for you to draw it into your lungs and your chest began to hurt. How could such a simple action be causing you so much physical pain?

Steve, who had already been sitting at Bucky's other side at the head of the table, caught your eye and moved to get up to offer you his chair, instead, as though that could make up for Bucky's dismissal of you.

You subtly shook your head, not wanting to draw attention to the awkward situation you found yourself in. Instead, you made your way over to the only two remaining seats at the table: the one next to Sam that was directly across from Jade and Bucky or the one next to Jade at the opposite end of the table from Steve. Deciding it was better to be sitting across from Steve than either of the other two, you opted for the chair at the end, and Nat slid in next to Sam.

You cast a quick glance in Jade's direction and had to stifle a sick laugh-- she was physically coming between you and Bucky, quite literally.

Jade reached a hand out to Nat across the table. "Wow! Black Widow! It is so great to meet you! My name's Vixen; I'm a huge fan! I'm so excited for us to be working together!"

Bless Nat, she just stared at the girl with arms crossed across her chest, impassive and judging, until Jade slowly and awkwardly pulled her hand back.

"I take it, then, that you've deemed the Avengers good enough to be your backup team?" Nat asked without expression.

You did your best to cover the laughter that escaped from you with a fake cough, but you didn't try very hard to be convincing.

"What's this about, now?" Steve asked, leaning forward.

"Little Vixen over here," Nat began, leaning back in her chair until she was perched on the two rear legs, "was live-streaming this morning to her social media followers. Told them it wasn't so much that the Avengers were interviewing her to see if she'd be good for the team, but she was interviewing us to see if we'd be good back up for her."

Jade had the decency to look embarrassed for a moment before she turned to face you for the first time, anger taking over her features. "So, what? Didn't much take you for a tattler. You that intimidated by me?"

You opened your mouth to defend yourself but were interrupted by the sound of the legs of Nat's chair slamming back against the floor. "Pocket didn't tell me shit. I heard it straight from your mouth on the security feed. That and a lot of other interesting things."

"You're spying on her, Nat? Really?" Bucky spoke up. "She's our guest and she deserves a modicum of privacy, don't you think?" You stared at him, open mouthed, but he didn't spare you a glance.

"It was a part of her interview, Barnes," Nat spat. "Maybe if you---"

"Okay, Nat, Bucky," Steve said, using his official Captain America voice, "let's table this conversation for later and just enjoy our meal. Raul worked really hard on tonight's menu, so let's not spoil it for him, alright?"

Both Nat and Bucky grumbled their agreement as the catering staff brought out the first course and placed them on each of your plates. Normally, you loved when Raul, Tony's personal chef, cooked meals for the team; he always made sure to throw in something with lemon in it, knowing how much you loved the flavor; but tonight, your appetite was failing you and you ended up pushing more food around on your plate than you put in your mouth.

You couldn't help but steal glances over at Bucky, who continued to be wrapped in conversation with Jade. You tried to keep up with what the others were saying, occasionally nodding your head in agreement to something, but you weren't able to pay any real attention; your mind was elsewhere until you noticed Jade looking at you.

"You know, I have to say I'm surprised to see so many non-Avengers here. I got the impression that this group was... I dunno, elite? But it seems like you just let anyone in."

Steve laughed from the other end of the table. "Being an Avenger is a team effort, Vixen. Everyone plays their part. And besides, Pocket here's just as much an Avenger as I am." The comment took you by surprise, and you gave Steve a warm, appreciative smile.

"Thanks, Cap," you said, truly touched by his words.

"Well, she's more like Avenger-adjacent," Bucky amended, and all the warmth you'd felt at Steve's compliment vanished in an instant, leaving you feeling cold and hollow. The words shouldn't have stung-- it was how you had referred to yourself hundreds of times, but you tended to reserve it for your low moments, when you were feeling unequal to Earth's mightiest heroes. Hearing the words come out of Bucky's mouth, as if he, too, shared in your belief that you were inferior to the rest of them... well, that fucking hurt.

Steve let out a surprised laugh and clapped Bucky on the shoulder. "Pocket may not have enhanced physical abilities or powers or what have you, but she's got a brilliant mind. She's got a PhD in Mechanical Engineering and Computation from MIT, three Master's degrees, she speaks seven languages, she's got a black belt in Krav Maga, and she was the youngest Chief Technology Officer in Stark Industries history; all without ever having formally graduating high school. It's no exaggeration for me to say that I'd be dead a couple of dozen times over if I hadn't had her at my six. If anything, I think it makes her even more important than the rest of us. We're here because of the physical things we can do– primarily because of things that happened to us by accident; Pocket's essential to the team because of how she thinks, and the strength and quality of the work she’s willing to put in. We're replaceable, Pocket's one-of-a-kind."

You looked at Steve as if seeing him for the very first time. You had no idea he thought so highly of you, and his praise warmed you. You offered him a soft smile, your throat tightening with emotion and leaving you unable to express your gratitude. You mouthed a silent thank you instead, hoping that conveyed how much his words meant to you. He winked back at you in acknowledgement.

Bucky glanced back and forth between the two of you, as if analyzing your silent exchange. He coughed awkwardly. "I just meant that we try to keep Pocket away from the really dangerous stuff," he backpedaled, poorly, in your opinion. "Can't risk her getting hurt." He smiled at you, but you just stared back, expression blank, until he looked away in embarrassment. Good. Let him feel an ounce of the discomfort you’d been feeling this entire time.

Small talk resumed around the table, with Sam telling Steve about some new modification he was making to Redwing, and Bucky and Jade back to being locked in their own bubble. You did your best to ignore the little glances and gestures that Jade directed to Bucky, but it felt like your eyes were drawn to them like a magnet every time she touched him. Which seemed to be happening more and more frequently. You couldn't help but notice the way he leaned toward her when she spoke. Did he ever do that when he was talking with you?

"So, Bucky," Jade said eventually, her voice low and flirty as the caterers took away the main course, "handsome super hero like you, you seeing anyone?" Your eyes snapped up to Bucky's face, watching him. Surely he was going to look to you, make eye contact, something to acknowledge what was between you, to make you feel like you were in the same room, hell, on the same fucking planet as him. But he didn't.

"Nope," he said, running his hand over the back of his neck like he always did when he was feeling self conscious or nervous. "Not seeing anyone, though I'm not opposed to the idea." You had been stabbed in the abdomen on a mission once, and that had hurt less than hearing the words that had just come out of Bucky's mouth. It took everything in you to resist getting up from the table and leaving the room at that moment.

"Really, man?" Sam asked from where he sat on the other side of Natasha, his voice hard in disbelief. The atmosphere at your table had shifted. Natasha, Steve, and Sam all stared at Bucky with looks ranging from incredulity to flat out disgust. Bucky either was oblivious to the stares or was doing a great job patently ignoring them.

You couldn't even bring yourself to look at him anymore. It felt like a betrayal, the way his eyes had met Jade's and not yours. How could he sit there and just completely deny you like that? Had you been deluding yourself? Had you just been some kind of fuck toy this entire time?

The caterers brought the next course, a cold raspberry soup. You sat there, staring into space as you mechanically spooned the soup into your mouth, trying your hardest to appreciate the taste, but everything seemed bitter in light of Bucky's attitude, actions, and words.

"Could you hand me the water carafe?" Bucky asked. You looked up to watch Jade hand him the bottle of water. "Thanks, doll," he said, smiling at her.

You dropped your spoon, letting it fall into your nearly empty bowl with a reverberating clang. Your companions at the table stared, eyes wide as their gazes traveled between you and Bucky. In his entire time at the tower, he had never once called another woman 'doll.' It was a moniker he'd specifically reserved for you.

Or, it used to be.

You could tell the exact moment when Bucky realized he'd fucked up. His eyes locked on yours, the color draining from his face. He opened his mouth as if he was going to speak to you, but you'd had enough. Without a word, you pushed back your chair with enough force that it practically tipped over and exited the dining room.

You made it all the way to the elevator before you heard him calling for you.

"Doll! Doll, where are you?" You stabbed repeatedly at the call button, as if it would bring the car to you faster. You could hear his footsteps drawing closer, and you really didn't want to talk to him right now.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and you slid inside, turning to press the 'Close Door' button just as you saw Bucky turn the corner to the elevator bay. You were ready to breathe a sigh of relief at evading him until Bucky's metal hand shot in the diminishing space between the closing doors. You were trapped.

"Doll, didn't you hear me callin' to you?" he asked as he slid into the car with you.

You looked around, as if searching for another person in the car. "I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Should probably be more specific with your pet names, then. A girl’s liable to get confused." You were impressed that the words came out as hard and bitter as you felt inside.

Bucky flinched. "I deserved that."

You leaned forward to press the button for your floor before crossing your arms and glaring at him. "You fucking think?"

"Look, it just slipped out, okay? I didn't mean anything by it. It's not a big thing you needed to storm out over." You rolled your eyes at him, disgusted that that was the only thing he seemed to realize he'd done to offend you all evening. "Pocket, can we just talk about this?"

"Oh, now you want to talk to me?" you asked, jutting out your hip in annoyance. "Seemed like earlier today, you couldn't wait to not be seen with me, or do you no longer care if people get the wrong idea?"

"Alright," Bucky said, slamming his fist against the elevator's emergency stop button. You stumbled as the car came to a grinding halt. Bucky tried to put his hands on you to steady you, but you pushed him away. "What is going on with you today, Pocket?"

"What's going on with me?" you asked him, incredulous. "What's going on with you? You've been an ass to me all night, that is when you weren't acting like I didn't exist."

"How am I being an ass?" he asked, voice rising. "You're the one who couldn't even hold a civil conversation with our guest! It was embarrassing!" You recoiled as if he'd slapped you, backing away from him until your back hit the elevator wall.

"Wow. Okay then." You blinked heavily, telling yourself not to cry. You'd be damned if you showed weakness in front of him now. Bury the emotions, encase them in ice. "Sorry I'm such a fucking embarrassment to you, Sergeant Barnes. Now that I know how you feel, I'll make sure to stay out of your way so you don't have to put up with me." You moved to press the button to restart the elevator, but Bucky grabbed your wrist.

"Don't do this," he growled at you. "Don't hide behind snappy quips so you can shut down and avoid having a real conversation with me." You stared between his eyes and where he held your wrist in his metal grip. It wasn't tight enough to hurt, but it was tight enough to keep you from breaking free.

His gaze softened as he watched you. "I never said I was embarrassed of you, Pocket. I just don't know why you had to be so rude to Jade at dinner tonight."

"Name one thing I did that was rude to her," you challenged.

"Okay," Bucky stuck out a finger as though he were about to count off all your grievous errors. "Let's see... You said... No, that was Nat... You were... okay, Steve said that... You said... No, that was Nat again." He looked up at you sheepishly. "So, maybe you actually didn't say anything during dinner, but not talking to her was still rude."

You scoffed. "You want to talk rude and embarrassing, Bucky? Do you know how embarrassing it was to have everyone staring at me when you pulled out my chair for Jade, or when my own best friend didn't defend me when she had the audacity to call me a fucking tattler? Like I’m some kind of fucking child?" Your voice was rising and you could feel yourself getting swept up in your anger. "How about the pity looks I got when everyone heard you lie about not seeing anyone, or when you called her 'doll'? Or when you told her I was 'Avengers-adjacent'? You think I'm the embarrassing one? You made me feel like an insignificant piece of shit tonight, Barnes. God, if it hadn't been for Steve saying what he said, you would have driven me to tears."

Bucky had been staring down at his boots as you'd been speaking, as though your accusations were too much for him to face head-on, but at the mention of Steve's name, his head snapped up, blue eyes like ice on your face. "Well, if Steve's such a hero, why aren't you fucking him, then?" he asked, voice clipped and bitter.

You yanked your wrist free from his grasp. "Maybe I should start!" you shouted. "At least he's not embarrassed of me and doesn't forget I exist when another pair of tits shows up!"

Bucky's gaze darkened and in an instant, he was on you, caging your body against the elevator wall, a hand on either side of your head. "Don't you even fucking joke about that," he snarled.

You jutted out your chin, refusing to show any sign of weakness, though his actions were beginning to frighten you. "Who says I'm joking? Sounds like a good idea to me; thanks for suggesting it." You moved to duck under his arm, but he grabbed you by the shoulders, pinning you in place.

His breaths were coming hard and fast now, as though he'd just run a marathon. His gaze darted between your eyes and your lips, as though trying to make up his mind about something. In the next instant, his mouth was crashing down on yours, his tongue demanding entry.

You gasped at the sudden intrusion and Bucky took that as his invitation, deepening the kiss with a primal fervor. His hands gripped your waist, pulling you into him. For a moment, you were stunned, unsure of what was happening. But then instincts took over – he was kissing you, really kissing you. Your stomach fluttered and your heart hammered in your chest.

One of your hands ran through his hair, while the other gripped his shoulder for support. His hands had somehow migrated beneath your shirt, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the bare skin at your sides. You returned his kiss with as much intensity as he gave. But then suddenly, as if waking from a dream, you remembered why you were angry with him. You pushed against his chest, breaking the kiss.

You were both panting, and despite your attempt to put distance between your bodies, Bucky leaned down, resting his forehead against yours as he fought to catch his breath. "Don't," he whispered hoarsely, his voice heavy with an emotion you couldn't quite place. "Don't sleep with Steve."

"You realize how incredibly infuriating you're being right now, don't you?" you asked. "You can't just treat me like that, ignore me all night in favor of someone else, then kiss me and try to tell me who I can or can't sleep with."

"I know, Sweetheart," he said, nuzzling your nose with his, "I know and I'm sorry, but please, promise me: no matter how angry you are with me, don't sleep with Steve. You wanna fuck someone else to piss me off? Go fuck Sam, Thor, Rhodes, hell, even Parker. I'll hate it, but if it's Steve, it'll fucking kill me."

"Your signals are all over the place tonight, Buck," you sighed, letting out an involuntary moan as his lips found the sweet spot on your neck and sucked at your skin. You had to pull away before he turned you into a babbling mess. "If you think you can just kiss me into oblivion and I'll forgive you for everything you've said and done tonight, you better think again, because that's not happening."

Bucky ran both his hands through his hair, sending it pointing every which way. Then he pressed the emergency stop button again, letting the elevator resume its journey. "I know I owe you an explanation, Pocket," he said. "So, can we go to your room and talk? No interruptions, no one else, just you and me, okay?"

You studied him, considering. A part of you was still so angry at him that you didn't want to hear him out, but the part of you that loved him hated the idea of leaving things in a bad place. In your line of work, you never knew when your next goodbye might be your last goodbye.

"Fine," you said, dropping your shoulders with a sigh. "We can talk, I'll hear you out, but I'm not promising forgiveness."

He smiled, his eyes bright once again. "That's all I ask, Sweets. That's all I ask."

<- Previous Chapter / Next Chapter ->

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #james bucky buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes #mcu bucky barnes #james barnes

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moooncats · 8 months

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✿ Pick A Card ✿

✿ What Does Your Inner Child Think Of You? ✿

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✿ Pile 1 : Imagination , Chakra Clearing. ✿

Wow! This Pile so far is one of my favorites right off the back. Like seriously I RARELY ever pull out this elusive card and right off the bat.... blam! Haha what incredible energy we have here. So I'm hearing that your inner child is so stinking happy of the person that you've become. They love how you revel in the wondrous, mysterious, most beauteous power of your imagination, and let it whisk you away on a right-brained roomp through all things nonsensical, Suess plays Wonka style. To them, you're an off road adventurer, playing in the upside- down, glow-in-the-dark woods of posibility. There is no "no" here. Only "whoa!". And "flow". And "Holy moly, here we go!". (Hmmm maybe there was something in your brownies? c; ). Your inner child feels heard from you and is attentively hanging out with you feeling affirmed by every journey you set out to. I'm hearing "Your the best friend I could ever ask for." Omg pile 1 this is so effing sweet like seriously, they think you're such a cool, magical person. They wouldn't have it any other way! (:

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Chakra Cleansing: Archangel Metatron: "Call upon me to clear and open your chakra's, using sacred geometric shapes. Your inner child want's to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and not over extending your energy ♡. Please make sure to cleanse your aura every once in a while. You can take a bath with essential oils, sage/paulo santo's your body and area, or do a salt water cleanse in a lake or beach. The water can be very cleansing and healing. As a native from Hawaii the beach would be my go to cleanse preference. (✿◠‿◠) 🌊

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✿ Pile 2 : Open Heartedness , Prioritize ✿

Wow pile 2 lemme give you a hug okay? 🫂 Seriously, you have been through some stuff. I'm picking up on heavy energy here. Your inner child is amazed at how unjaded you are. They have seen you go through some people who were absolute bummers. Did that experience make you salty in any way? Heck no. They see you as a strong warriror who always chooses to not let unhappy chapters make you into a monster. They appreciate that so much. If you let negative experiences turn you sour, then the jerks and bully's win. So you move on with an open and hopeful heart, if only because you hate losing to jerks. Pile 2 you are winners. 🏆💗 You kill people with kindness and don't let their bad energies mix in with your pure and thoughtful heart. Your inner child is so sweet, they tell me that they give you hugs and love that you are the person they have become. I'm hearing "We are misunderstood and not everyone will get us, but our hearts are always pure".

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Prioritize: Archangel Metatron : "Focus on your highest priorities. I will help you get orginized and motivated". Pile 2, your inner child is amazed at how many ideas that you get from time to time. However, they want you to manifest your thoughts from the 4D and materialize them into the 3D. Proper planning and prioritzing will help you with that. Take out a sheet of paper, and start writing your goals, plans, anything that has to do with your future. They want to make sure that you at least have them written, so you can start "scripting" your dream life. If you don't know what scripting is, it's a form of manifestation that helps you with your ideal dream life. Try it out, it's free and does wonders. Your inner child wants to help you realize your power. I'm hearing your quite popular in the dream realm, you may have astral traveled before or have been looking into it. This is your sign to continue on that path. Congratulations pile 2! This is so far the longest pile that I've done so far. So many messages! ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ ♡

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✿ Pile 3 : Honouring Ideas , Clear Intentions ✿

Interesting indeed. This pile I'm hearing unlike pile 2, you are the type to go for your goals. Your Inner child is quite impressed with you! They love how many silly, serious, & whack a doodle ideas you come up with! Lmao, I'm hearing a specific scenario for every event in your life. What an amazing brain you have. This is my pile who always has their head stuck in a book, ears listening to a podcast, and an head full of wonder and ideas. When an idea comes to you, you honor it by doing your best to bringing it into being. You are a master manifestor. Ideas to you, are like children, and you proudly nuture them, knowing they'll grow and develop, and eventually make their way out into the world without ever really acknowledging how much time/money/love you shelled out for them. This is my piles who may be entrepreneurs. Seriously keep that ish up, you are definitely trend setters! Your inner child loves how smart and buisness minded you are. They are definitely proud of the person that you are and have become. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) ♡

✿ Advice From Your Inner Child ✿

Crystal Clear Intentions: Archangel Michael : "Be clear about what you desire, and focus on in with unwavering faith". Pile 3, I'm hearing that any idea you have will be brought into fruition. How lucky! The gods are definitely in your favor when in comes to Manifesting. Please do not stop dreaming, all your dreams will surely come true with the right intentions. 🌌☁️✨️

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#baby witch #intuition #intuitive #pac #pick a card #tarot #tarotreading #tarotblr #tarot blog #free tarot #witchblr #inner child #inner child reading #shadowwork #moooncatstarot

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domini-porter · 10 days

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Quick reminder for Americans: even if you don’t like either presidential candidate, there are so many more things to vote for on your ballot.

If you think president is too big and amorphous or too corrupt and rigged, what about the elections in your town? Everything starts small and local. Where you’re one of a much more tangible number than 300,000,000. Even in big cities things are broken down into smaller chunks where your vote counts with greater weight.

Also, you’re not obligated to cast a vote for everything on the ballot! Just the ones you feel like!

Okay.

I’m trying to be kind about this but it’s difficult. Voting isn’t difficult. People are asking you to choose between options and you choose the option that seems best. That’s it. People fight and die even now for your right to do this. To read a pamphlet (optional!) and fill out a form. That’s it.

The other thing is this: someone on that form will win. No matter what. One of those names will be in charge. Not because it’s rigged, but because those are the people you get to pick from, and one of them will win. That is how every election for anything works.

Anyway. This next part is for my purity-test leftists specifically, but who knows, maybe it applies to you too!

Who do you think you’re helping by sitting out a vote that could determine if I, personally—a real human person and maybe your friend or acquaintance or loved one—am branded a deviant and an undesirable and a criminal and imprisoned or worse? People in Gaza who are certainly drinking in your social media posts like a healing elixir and thinking wow, I’m so grateful Westerners are using my suffering to buff up their own moral purity, I’m really glad they’re refusing to participate in a free and democratic election, that’s so cool and helpful to me, personally?

The fucking gall of you. The privilege and heartlessness of you. The laziness and cruelty and selfishness of you. Just say you’re too invested in looking like a galaxy-brain iconoclast to give ten minutes of your time to help me not live every second of my life—which is happening next door or down the street or a neighborhood over from you, right now, every day—in fear and despair. Get just so absolutely fucked.

For everyone else: check your voter registration if you’re unsure or live in a state prone to purging its voter rolls! If you can vote early, vote as early as you can!

If you’ve never voted before but have decided this year’s the year, that’s so amazing and I’m so excited and it’s super-easy and honestly at least kind of fun; I guarantee your voter guide will have some amazing weirdos in it, because it’s America and everyone can try for it. But if you don’t vote—you, in your much-smaller voting pool than you might realize—those weirdos running to outlaw ducks have a distressingly better shot. And once they’re on the city council, maybe they run for mayor. And then state rep. And so on.

Please don’t be one of those people who claims their voice isn’t heard and decides to self-fulfill that prophecy by refusing to use their voice at all. It has real, lasting, immediate consequences for people you see every day. It has real, lasting consequences for you, too; consequences that really make spending ten minutes filling out a scantron seem a lot less difficult in retrospect.

Vote like your life depends on it. And if it doesn’t, you have my explicit permission to vote like mine does.

#get out the vote #kamala harris #election 2024 #nothing I say is quick #sorry

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tothosewholisten · 3 months

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Forever Healed | TUA insert

Chapter: 05

<<previous chapter | next chapter>>

Masterlist

…

Five and I discussed our new plan on the way back to the academy.

“We need to go back, now.” Five insisted as he paced around his bedroom.

I stood by the door trying to distance myself from the angry teen.

“I know..” I pause. “But you already saw how demanding works. And also you're a kid, of course they didn't take you seriously.”

“Why is this eye so important anyway?” I ask.

He huffs. “Whoever has this eye brings upon the end of the world. I need to figure out who it is.”

Every time Five repeats that the world is ending I try to ignore it. But with the D-day getting closer and closer I realize I need to do a few things on my bucket list.

“We need someone else.” He mutters, breaking me out of my thoughts.

He's right, our story wasn't convincing at all. You need a strong narrative to get information out of suckers. So we need a dramatic person who can play a part.

Suddenly it dawned on me. We need-

“You know, I am so thrilled to join your guys' spy mission! It's just like old times.” Klaus reminisced with sappy tears in his eyes.

“I don't think we've ever done this.” Five retorts.

I know that the boy wasn't the most excited about getting help from Klaus but I told him if Klaus puts his mind to it, we're getting that information.

Five and I went over to the dining room where Klaus was snoring on the couch. In his underwear.

At first he wouldn't get up, that was until Five offered him twenty dollars and he bolted upstairs to get ready. We trailed after him back to Five’s room where he was waiting on Five's bed.

I love Klaus but his outfit choices have always been questionable even when we were teens.

“What are you wearing?” I asked disgustedly.

I did not receive an answer because Five heard a noise and peered his head out the door.

An annoyed look on his face appeared when he turned back around to us. “Vanya's here. Klaus hide.” He whispers.

Klaus gets up from the bed and dashes around the room, looking for anywhere that's big enough to fit his lanky body. I point to Five's closet.

He contorts himself to fit inside and closes the door behind him. Just in time too because Vanya walks into the room.

“Thank god, I was worried sick about you two.” She expressed her uneasiness.

I frowned. “Sorry, we left without saying goodbye.” If only I wasn't dragged by that little boy I would've loved to talk to her more.

“No look. I'm the one who should be sorry.” Vanya turns to Five. “Yeah, I was dismissive, and I– I guess I couldn't process what you were saying. And I still can't to be honest.” She stutters out.

I couldn't tell if it was an act but Five’s face turned almost sad. “Maybe you were right to be dismissive.” He says.

I'm not sure where this acting was when we were at Meritech. But I match his hurt look.

“Maybe it wasn't real after all. It felt real. Well like you said, the old man did say time travel could contaminate the mind.” Five continued.

Five is interrupted by a loud crash that comes from the closet. I ran over to stand in front of it trying to distract from the noises Klaus was making as they kept talking.

“Then maybe I'm not the right person for you to be talking to. Look, I used to see someone. A therapist, I could give you her information.” Vanya shares.

Five is quick to feign a smile. “No thanks, but I think I'm just going to get something to eat. It's been a long time since I've had good food.”

Vanya nods and steps back out of the room.

As soon as Five goes back to the door to make sure that she is gone, the warm look on his face disappears and his permanent scowl returns instead.

The closet behind me starts to shake and I take a step away hoping that Klaus doesn't decide to fall on me.

His curled body leaps out of the closet. “That was so… touching!” He trips over fallen junk from the closet. “All that stuff about family and Dad and time. Wow!”

“Will you shut up, she'll hear you.” He yells.

“I'm moist.”

“What the hell Klaus.” I scoot further away from him.

Five takes a moment to look him up and down. “I thought I told you to put on something professional.”

The outfit he put on was a green button-up shirt with frilly red-lined sleeves. Honestly atrocious.

“What? This is my nicest outfit.” Klaus cries.

“Let's go look at the old man's closet,” I suggest pushing Klaus out of the room.

Five groans before following us out.

“As long as I get paid,” Klaus exclaims.

“When the job is done.”

He stops us. “Okay, but just so we're clear on the finer details. I just gotta go into this place and pretend to be your dear old Dad. Correct?”

“Yeah, something like that,” I replied.

“What's our cover story then?”

“What? What are you talking about?” Five gives him a puzzled look.

“I mean, was I really young when I had y/n? Like, 16? Like, young and terribly misguided. Then yada yada some years later you came along, Five.” Klaus rambles putting his hands on his chest.

“Sure.”

“Your mother, that slut.. whoever she was. We met at.. oh! The disco.”

I cackle at Klaus’s backstory but Five couldn't look more concerned.

“Remember that.” The man snaps. “Oh, my god, the sex was amazinggg.”

“What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.” Five turns to go down the stairs.

Klaus holds out his pointer like a stern dad. “Don't make me put you into time out.” He yells.

“Like I said to your son and daughter?” The same doctor questions us from before.

We arrived at the same part of the building but this time the man had the decency to bring us to his office.

“Yes, these are my children,” Klaus replies affirmatively.

He now had on one of Reginald's many suits; it made him look the part.

“Yeah, can't you tell?” My hand messaging my temple as I throw that in, trying to mask my sarcasm, cause well none of us looked alike.

“Well, like I told your children earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential.” The man emphasizes each word to us like we are all babies.

Klaus sat in a chair across from the man's desk and I sat in the other, but Five stood up in the middle of us with his hands on the doctor's glass desk. Getting ready for round two of his yelling match.

“Without the client's consent. I simply can't help you.”

“Well, we can't get consent if you don't give us a name.” Five yells.

The doctor looks defeated. “Well, that's not my problem.”

I’m sure Five wished his powers were laser eyes instead of teleportation because of how he was staring at the man so intensely.

“Sorry. Now, there's really nothing more I can do, so–”

Klaus looked up from his lap. “And what about my consent?”

“Excuse me?”

Everyone turns to look at him.

“Who gave you permission… to lay your hands on my son?” Klaus cried.

“What?” Five, the doctor and I all say at once.

“You heard me.”

“I didn't touch your son.” The man states matter of factly.

Klaus slowly gets up from his chair “Oh, really? Well, how did he get that swollen lip then?”

“He doesn't have a swollen-”

The man didn't have time to finish his sentence because Klaus suddenly swung at Five and slapped him in the mouth.

I hide my expression with my palm and watch.

He inhales sharply. “I want it. Name, please. Now.” He slaps his hands onto the doctor's desk.

The man stutters trying to think of something to say. “You're crazy.” He replies.

Klaus fakes a chuckle. “You got no idea.”

He picks up the snow globe on the man's desk. “Peace on earth? That's so sweet.” He reads out loud.

He then smashes the snow globe into his head causing everyone to let out a shriek as it breaks into tiny pieces. I cringe looking at all that blood on his head.

He screams out. “God that hurt.” Water from the snow globe dripped all over his face.

The man doesn't break eye contact with Klaus but hurryingly reaches for the telephone on his desk.

“I'm calling secur– what are you doing?” The man yells out but Klaus takes the telephone right from his sweaty hands.

“There's been an assault… in Mr. Big's office, and we need security, now. Schnell!” Klaus screams into the telephone before slamming it back onto its post.

He sighs. “Now, here's what's gonna happen, Grant.”

“It's… Lance.”

“In about sixty seconds two security guards are gonna burst through that door, and they're gonna see a whole lot of blood and wonder ‘What the hell happened?’ And we're gonna tell them that you… beat the shit out of us!” Klaus rambles.

“While making googly eyes at my young daughter!” He sobs.

Five stares at Klaus admirably.

“You're gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I've been there. A little piece of chicken like you. Oh my god, you're gonna get passed around like a…” He moves his hips in a circle to make a point.

Then shutters thinking back at old memories. “You're just– you're gonna do great. That's all I'm saying.”

Lance almost cries out looking at all of us. “Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.”

Klaus stares at him blankly. “Thank you.”

He spits out a piece of snow globe glass. The look on Five face is priceless, I'm for one so proud of Klaus right now. He never went Broadway but this was pretty close.

Lance rushes over to a long line of filing cabinets. Searching for the information that will satisfy us. Klaus sat on top of the cabinet making the doctor go even faster, fearing for his life.

“Oh, that's strange.” He says.

“What.” Five ask.

“Uh, the eye. It hasn't been purchased by a client yet.”

Klaus jumps off the cabinet and gets up into Lance's face. “What? What do you mean?” He whispers.

“Well, uh, our logs say that the eye with that serial number… This can't be right. It hasn't even been manufactured yet.” Lance looks up at Five. “Where did you get that eye?”

Five huffs. He walks away from all of us to the elevator and leaves us with Lance.

I grab onto Klaus to move him outside as he blows Lance a smooch before we go into the elevator as well.

We walk out of the building's doors when Five starts to talk again. “Well, this is not good.” He says.

“I was pretty good, though, right? ‘Yeah. What about my consent, bitch?” He laughs.

“Klaus, it doesn't matter.” The boy sighs and we stop walking.

“What? What, what's the big deal with this eye, anyways?” The hurt Klaus asks.

I grab onto the two men to heal them of their injuries before answering for Five who looks like he's about to explode.

“There's someone out there who's going to lose an eye in the next seven days. And they're gonna bring about the end of life on earth as we know it!” I say, rubbing my forehead.

“Yeah, can I get that twenty bucks, like, now, or what?”

I stare at my adopted brother with my brows furrowed. “You're not gonna question what I just said, at all?”

Five steps closer to him. “The apocalypse is coming and all you can think about is getting high?”

“Well, I'm also quite hungry. Tummies a rumblin.” Klaus wiggles his fingers to imitate grumbling.

“You're useless.” Five shakes his head while walking away from the two of us to sit on the building's steps.

“Oh come on, you need to lighten up old man!” Klaus mocks. I move from Klaus to sit near Five and listen to the rest of Klaus’s spiel.

“Hey, you know, I’ve just now realized why you're so uptight. You must be horny as hell!”

Klaus’s laughter is matched by my own as he sits next to us. “That’s not funny Klaus,” I reply still giggling. Five on the other hand wasn’t amused, he looked deep in thought not even staring in our direction.

“All those years by yourself, it's gotta screw with your head, being alone.”

Five concentration breaks, “well.” He starts. “I wasn't alone.” Klaus and I immediately go silent and stare at him.

“Spill,” I say.

“Her name was Delores. We were together for over thirty years.” The small bit of happiness on Five's face was very easy to see.

“Thirty years? Oh, wow!” Klaus chuckles. “God, the longest I've been with someone.. I didn't know for three weeks. And that's only because I was so tired from looking for a place to sleep.”

Klaus went on like that for a good five minutes rambling about his love life and how hard it was not having anywhere to stay. I yawned in desperate need of a break from whatever this was. And it looked like Five was ready to blink away.

I turned to him and signaled that we should leave by nudging my head to the busy road that was right in front of the building. He nods back at me.

“He did make the most fantastic osso buco, though. It was..”

Five takes hold of my sleeve and we blink from the steps into a taxi. “Don’t stop, just keep driving.” Five demands of the panicked driver.

“Hey! Where’d you guys go?” I hear Klaus yell as we drive past him. Five turns to the window and gives Klaus a wave that makes him instantly stand up and try to run over to us.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what about my money?!” He shouts but we’re long gone by then. I would’ve felt bad if this wasn't so funny.

Five was bleak at times and angry, and a lot of other things but he had his fun moments. We missed a lot of time getting to know each other but, this made up for it.

“So where to now?” I ask.

“I am going to run, uh an errand. I'm dropping you off at the academy.”

“Sounds good to me.” I smile. I needed this break to rest today. It was exhausting. “Our adventures have been fun, we should do it again.”

He turns to me, “Oh yeah?”

I hum in response.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

The sky turned a vibrant shade of dark blue by the time we reached a familiar street, we were almost at the academy. I kinda wanted to join Five on his errand but I didn't say anything.

I paid the taxi driver the spare tens in my pocket for not freaking out and reminded myself that I'd pay Klaus tomorrow too. And walked up to the doors of the Umbrella Academy.

“Goodnight Five!” I call out as I open the front door. But I walked in before hearing his response, only hearing the sound of the taxi driving away.

I found myself in a spot I always went to when I needed to escape my ‘father’. It was a storage closet-like room that had a tiny balcony where Ben and I would hang out in the late hours of the night.

But now I was by myself and Ben was nowhere to be found. So I lit a cigarette and stared at the night sky. It’s a bad habit that I picked up during all my time with Klaus, It did help me calm my nerves though.

“Y/n?”

I turned around to see Alison in the doorway. A frown was painted on her beautiful face.

“It's good to see you, I didn't expect you to still be here.” She expressed while sitting down next to me.

“Me neither but I had a busy day chasing around a fifty-something-year-old. Thought I'd stay just to see what else happened around here. Or the truth could be I just kinda missed it around here, I'm not sure.”

Alison nodded. “I'm glad you're here, we haven’t really talked at all I've just been so busy with trying to get in touch with Claire and-“

I briefly cut her off. “Yeah, is everything okay with that?”

“My ex-husband, Patrick is trying to make it seem like I don’t care about this court stuff. Since I'm missing a session of mandated therapy.” She huffs.

“Can I have a cigarette?”

I reached into my black jacket pocket and pulled out the pack. Half of it was already empty but I just bought it before I came here, I guess I need more.

“Wouldn't the court recognize that as like, certain circumstances?” I ask.

“Yes! That’s what I tried to tell him. But he won't listen at all.” Alison groaned, holding the now-lit cigarette.

I smirk. “He sounds like an ass.”

“You don’t even know,” we both shared a good laugh.

“But,” she says while laughing. “What’s been going on with you? I know that's very broad because we haven’t seen each other since my wedding but, have you been doing anything new?”

I look forward to the pitch-black sky. “Yeah uhm, not much,”

Alison thinks for a moment, “Oh! I know. Whatever happened to your boyfriend? The guy you brought to my wedding.”

I froze, my mouth slightly open and the cigarette I held between my lips fell to the balcony floor. “Oh him..”

“Did something happen Y/n?”

“No no, we just broke up I guess.”

Alison grabs onto my hand, squeezing me tightly. “I'm so sorry.” She says.

It’s not that I forgot about my ex, no I couldn’t. I just liked to pretend that he was a part of my childhood nothing more. But in reality, we only broke up about half a year ago.

“We didn’t have the best relationship,” I told her. “He wasn't the nicest guy but I stayed. We were on and off but I officially broke up with him a couple of months ago.”

She fiddled with her curly hair. “I would’ve never been able to tell, he just seemed so nice at the time. I thought you guys were the perfect match. Y/n I'm so sorry, forget I brought him up.”

“It’s okay, I mean you didn't know,” I reassured the woman.

“If you need anything I'm always here for you, you know? I don’t think we were ever the closet but. I'm here for you.” Alison states.

I wasn't sure how to respond, this was all so surreal. Telling someone how I felt was like a boulder being lifted off my chest. I was comfortable enough to do it again.

“Thank you, Alison, I appreciate you.” I grinned

“Miss Alison, are you up here?” Pogo's voice called out. The ape walked into the room as dapper as ever in his suit. “Ah, Miss Y/n you’re up here too good.”

“I was looking for you.” He said to Alison.

We quickly put out our cigarettes and turned our attention to Pogo.

“How did you, uh.. How’d you know I was up here?” She asked.

“Well it wasn't hard, this is where you two would always come when you were upset. I remember it, yes.” He nodded.

I didn’t know that Alison would come here too. All of our childhood I felt myself slightly put up against her when really we couldn’t be more alike.

“Who told you I was.. Luther.” She sighs.

“It was Miss Vanya. She called to make sure you were okay.”

“What happened?” I blurt out.

Alison stretches her legs by walking around the room. “I said some pretty

unkind things to her earlier.”

Pogo shook his head. “She’s your sister. She knows you didn't mean it.”

“Doubt it” Alison scoffs. “She doesn't know anything about me, which is fine because I don’t know shit about here either.”

That was the downside of all of us branching out, we never stayed in touch. If I had moved to a different state I would’ve never known how Klaus was doing and how I could help him. How different my life could’ve been, I mean what if I didn't come to the funeral? Life would’ve died without me having the slightest clue.

“Language”

Alison chuckles at his humor. “Sorry.”

Afraid of just sitting there, I cut into their conversation. “It has been a while since we’ve lived under the same roof, you know?”

They both agree with my sentiment.

“Almost thirteen years,” Pogo said

“Wow,” Alison and I both remark.

“How did you do it? Also in this big house for so long?” I ask.

“Well, one grows used to things, even if sometimes.. one shouldn’t.” He replies, the sadness evident in his voice.

I should’ve visited him, I'm an adult, Reginald can’t scare me anymore and no one was here. I was so close to them but still, I never wanted to come back without a reason. This place was my home for many years, yes, but it wasn’t my first home.

Pogo senses that we’re both down in the dumps. “You two should come with me. I want to show you something. It might just cheer you up,” he says.

We followed Pogo downstairs into one of the mansion's many rooms. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen this room before. The hallway was dark with only a few orange lights that barely helped see anything.

The tiny room was filled with rows of old TVs and controls with glowing buttons. Most of the tvs were black but there were a few Pogo must've turned on. Then he went into a box and pulled out a tape. He placed it into the TV closest to him.

The tape played old security camera recordings of us as kids, probably around thirteen from what we looked like. It would’ve been creepy if it didn't make me sad, these memories are some of the good times at the academy that I ignored because of all the bad.

Alison and I gawked at the footage. We sat in two chairs that were in front of the TVs as Pogo talked to us from behind. “Your father stopped recording years ago. But I still come here from time to time. When I'm missing you kids.” He said.

Alison was the first to speak. “Pogo, this is..” she sighs. “Most families have home movies to look back on. We have surveillance footage.”

“I hoped it might cheer you up.”

I laugh. “This definitely does.”

Previous to the new tape Pogo just put in, some of the other TVs had more footage. My eyes drifted from screen to screen soaking up all the cute moments.

“Oh my god look how little we were,” Alison tells me.

One screen was Alison and I in her room trying on Grace’s clothes. “Ohh, I remember this,” I said.

And Alison turns to see the one I'm looking at. “This was so fun! Mom always had the best clothes.” She exclaimed.

Grace's dresses were obviously too big for us, but that didn't stop us. Her clothes were modeled after old housewives of a different time and might look strange and out of date to others. But we loved them.

I moved to another screen of me, Ben and Klaus talking. We were sitting on one of the main staircases. I wish I could freeze time to that moment forever, just the three of us again.

Alison follows where my sad eyes are staring. “I miss him so much.” She said upsetly.

“Me too” I whisper.

The screen next to that was of Vanya, playing her violin alone. You could hear the sound of us children in the background and Alison’s voice while she played by herself. It was the heartbreaking reality of our childhood.

“Why didn't we include her? I mean if anyone ever treated Claire like that, I can’t even imagine.” Alison wonders.

“You were children, Miss Alison,” Pogo replies.

“Yeah.. but I'm not anymore and neither is she.”

Pogo straightens up like he’s getting ready to head out. “If you two aren’t in a hurry. There’s more tapes in that cabinet.” He nudges his head to a large cabinet overflowing with tapes with all different labels.

The man drops the key into my hand. “Make sure to lock up when you're done, things have been disappearing lately. These are too important to lose.”

I tell him I will and Pogo heads back out through the door. But before he leaves he gives us one more look. I turn back towards the screens and rethink back to those happier days.

Alison stands up to go over to the cabinet, she picks up a similar-looking tape. But above the box, there was a rusty tape. The label was gone and it looked scratched up.

“What’s that?” I ask. She opens it and slides it into a screen.

“I don’t know but I guess we're gonna see.” She hits rewind and it starts to buffer before playing. The video was harder to make out than all the other black-and-white films. Alison and I both leaned in and once my eyes focused it was clear what was going on.

“Oh god, Dad.”

…

Aug 14 update:

If you'd like to be added to the tag list for rest of the series (starts at chapter 10) say taglist in the comments!

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littlespacereader · 6 months

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It’s wayyyyy to early in the morning to be writing this but I must!! I just had a dream about V from V for Vendetta and I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

If you haven’t seen the movie I highly recommend it! As a marvel and dc comics fan, this movie blew my expectations when it comes to a comic book adaptation.

I remember watching the film years ago and being like “Wow, V gives me Caregiver vibes” despite being new to regression at the time. Now for those of you who’ve seen the film I’m sure you’re like “Clara you can’t be serious” but hear me out!

In the film he has this gentle way about him when he first meets Evey. Like he cooks for her and he wears a cute little apron! Plus on top of this he dances with her and save her when she’s in trouble. I really feel like he would just be so gentle and kind to a Little! Plus I feel like a Little would be just what he needs to heal himself.

I know the whole prison scene isn’t a good look for him but for the sake of this Headcannon we’re gonna choose to ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen.

With that rant session out of the way I present to you:

V Caregiver Headcannons🌹

Tw- past trauma (all from V’s past)

This version of London is aware of regression and regressors but it is strictly not allowed. Anyone buying supplies, toys for themselves or anything that could even remotely hint to them being a Regressor are arrested right away.

V saved you from being arrest while you were out trying to buy supplies for yourself. (maybe a sippy up, or a pacifier, or maybe diapers or pull-ups)

He immediately knows you’re a Regressor and offers to protect and take care of you at his home. This world wasn’t accepting of regression and Regressor as a whole and this man saved your life and wanted to be your caregiver so you said yes and accepted his invitation.

Once you get to start to know V you realize he’s been alone for a long time. He’s never trusted anyone enough to bring them back to his safe house. So you feel honored to be the first. He happily shows you around, pointing out all the stolen artifacts he’s collected over the years.

When it comes to your regression, he is all for whatever your needs are. Doesn’t matter to him if you like/need diapers or pull-ups, or sippy cups or bottles. Whatever is a part of your regression is a part of your regression and he is more than happy to accommodate.

He loves to dance. Whether it’s slow dancing or fast. His particular favorite is slow dancing because he loves to hold his little one close and sway with them in his arms. It’s his fool proof way of getting them sleepy for bedtime or nap time.

If he want to get them sleepy, he’ll put on some slow music and pick them up, swaying back and forth while humming the song. Works every time!

Sometimes he just wants to dance with them. He’s been teaching them different styles of dance moves he’s learned over the years, though his little ones favorite is to just stand on his feet as he holds their hands and sways back and forth.

The two of you have movie marathons together. You alternate every other night watching one of his favs then your favs. He’s a big movie person so he’s always interesting in watching anything. But usually his little one doesn’t make it through the whole film without falling asleep. But he doesn’t mind at all, and honestly he finds it adorable watching them nod off and eventually fall asleep watching the movie.

He’s a big cuddle bug but you would have never known if you didn’t cuddle with him first. The thing about V is he’s very insecure about himself. He’s afraid you’ll be disgusted by him because of his injuries and burns. But it couldn’t be farther from the truth. While watching a movie together, you cuddle up to him, stretching your legs across his lap and resting your head on his shoulder. He freezes at first but then cautiously wraps his arms around you only for you to cuddle closer. The whole thing makes him feel so loved and accepted, something he’s never felt before Y/N.

One thing V is very solid about is his mask. He wears it at all times. While you asked him to see him without the mask he has always refuses. It’s a hard boundary for him, one you respect when you learn about his past.

Because of this he greatly respects your boundaries when it comes to anything and everything. He never wants to make you feel uncomfortable.

V loves to cook! He may not be a Gordon Ramsey type cook, he is very good at cooking. He loves when his little one helps him prepare meals and always prefers the two of them to sit at the table every night and enjoy their dinner together.

The only time you’ve ever seen his burns is when you’re cooking together. He takes his gloves off and begins to cook. But he eventually notices you staring at his hands. He goes to cover them once more but you stop him and instead hold his hand in yours to show it doesn’t bother you. This small gesture means everything to him. There may have been a tear or two under that mask.

He always wears this pink ruffled dress apron which looks so funny on someone as sharply dressed as him. It always make you giggle and he always jokes about it. “You don’t like Papa’s apron? I thought I looked lovely in it?” *poses* This is followed by Y/N almost falling out of their chair with laughter.

He loves to play pretend. Doesn’t matter what it is, he just loves to chase or get chased around the house with his little one running away or after him. They usually play knights in shinning armor together after V teaches them how to fence.

He’s definitely a Caregiver that would talk to your stuffies. “Does Fluffy want anything to eat? No? Alright then. I don’t want Fluffy to feel left out of breakfast. We mustn’t forget Fluffy after all.”

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morporkian-cryptid · 6 months

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Something I really like with The Mountain Goats is that a lot of songs are at first very cryptic, or seem a bit boring because they’re very descriptive and factual; until somewhere around the end, one line suddenly puts everything else into perspective, and the meaning of the song punches you in the gut.

Take “Picture of my dress" for example. The whole song follows a woman’s road trip, in a very mundane and descriptive way: a truck stop parking lot, smoking a cigarette with a stranger, a greasy sandwich in a diner, listening to the radio. And taking a picture of her dress. Why is she taking a picture of her dress? We don’t know, we can only follow her on this road trip, watching in from the outside and getting no context.

Right up until “I only wore it once, nine years ago”.

There’s only one kind of dress you would only wear once and then keep for a long time. A wedding dress.

And suddenly everything else makes so much more sense. She just got divorced. She’s running away from her old life, from the memories; or she’s looking for something. Trying to put into perspective the decision she made nine years ago; trying to find what the old her saw in that dress, in that marriage; or trying to find something she had back then and has lost since. The road trip is the path to healing, with ups and downs and mundane days and painful reminiscing and trying to see the good in the past too.

The last verse of the song gives more explanation about her goal, but you still wouldn’t really understand it without the “it’s a wedding dress” line. I’m gonna quote the end of the song; I have nothing to add about it, but I find it absolutely gorgeous and it lives rent-free in my head.

But I say some prayers above the engine I bless everything there is to bless Run out of gas in the middle of nowhere anyway Stand by the roadside smiling

This is something I noticed more recently when listening to older songs, specifically “No I can’t” from Bitter Melon Farm. It’s a very formulaic, repetitive song: You brought me this, and that, and this, thank you for this, and that, and this, now I have everything I need. Repeat and fill in the blanks with increasingly expensive objects.

At first I thought that “Now I have everything I need” was sarcastic. Like “oh wow thank you for this gift you are so thoughtful I don’t know how I could have lived my whole life without it – oh wait I did and it was completely fine”, like, who are you to know what I need. What am I gonna do with all this useless stuff.

Until “Thank you for the coat I forgot to mention; I’ve been freezing in here, I’ve been freezing in here”.

It’s not so much the words themselves rather than the way they are sung, with both despair and realization. I don’t know if this is what the song really means, but this is what I understand from the way this line reframes the rest. This is someone who is learning to live again. Someone who doesn’t know how to take care of themselves and has been surviving on the bare minimum for so long they never realized they might need or even want more. Someone who loves them is bringing them gifts – first just polite ones: candies and flowers; then useful ones: a sofa, a lamp, a filing cabinet; then entertaining ones: a puppy, books, a radio. Each time the narrator thanks them as if following a script, not really knowing what to say, and concludes that they nowhave everything they need. And every time the other person gives them something else, and now the narrator has everything they need, because they realize they were missing this thing they just received. This other person is trying to fill the narrator’s life with things that will make their life easier, more enjoyable. The small joys and the small helps that make life more than just surviving.

The last gift is a friendly presence, and a realization. The friend comes to visit, and lets the wind in, and reminds the narrator of the cold – they don’t have to stand there in this cold apartment, freezing, they can put a coat on. And that’s when the narrator realizes they were freezing. They hadn’t noticed before, because they don’t pay attention to their needs, they just make do with what they have without even considering that things could be better. This realization is the first step in healing. And the friend doesn’t push or tell them explicitly what they need. The friend just gives them things to help them, asking nothing in return and letting them slowly realize for themself that yes, this is useful, this is helpful, this is comforting, I needed this. I may need more. I can have more. My life can be better. Even small things help.

And I find it absolutely amazing how TMG can pack so much into such a simple and seemingly nonsensical song.

#the mountain goats #music

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imagionationstation · 5 months

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Do you have any au ideas you’d like to share? Preferably 2012 Donatello centric..

*Bats eyelashes innocently.*

(If not, no problem! I really don’t mind lol)

*stares at you*

*stares are you harder*

I never in my life imagined that I would get this question. I’m the concerning individual who spends my days hunting down Donnie AUs to quench my insatiable thirst for content. What are you doing.

You are not meant to ask me.

BUT SINCE YOU ALREADY DID NO TAKE-BACKS

Okay, so other than this masterpost that I made for everything that exists in some form, I have an AU that’s been on my brain for the last ever but I never started it because What Was Lost was/is already in the works. Activity focusing on two AUs about the same turtle at the same time is unwise.

Though writing What Was Lost and Feral Raphie is no picnic

Introducing: Broken Spectre AU

This AU is a ✨crossover✨ between Rise and 2012. Both shows happen in the exact same pattern up through the Movie and the episode The Power Inside Of Her. The only difference is how April brings Donnie back…

You see, at the same moment that Donnie was popped in the night sky (wow, my own imagery is messed up), another dimension’s Micheal was doing what he was absolutely not allowed to do under any circumstances- practicing his powers without a brother present.

It wasn’t planned or anything. With Leo resting, Raph getting pizzas, and Donnie in his lab- an opportunity presented itself and he took it! Michael’s brothers never let him try the really fun stuff because his magic is still in recovery, and his cracks reamerage when he pushes his powers past mediation. They’re smaller now, healing with time like Draxum promised, but they still scare the shells off his loving, overprotective family.

There’s something so freeing about tapping into the strength whirling in his chest- like waking up fully rested and confident after a good night sleep. He really wasn’t doing anything. Playing around with chains, painting with magic. Nothing insane.

And, just as he’s putting the finishing touches on his canvas of sparkling gold, he feels a tug. An agony. A hurt. Something being ripped apart like a paper, life tossed about like confetti. It vibrates through time and space like nothing ever should, and he knows that, he knows it’s not right. Mikey can feel it, like his brothers standing next to him, touching his ninpo, a soft tap of fluttering life- and when he focuses, he can feel every sensation of their agony, every inch of their panic, every glow of life that fades away, merging back with the universe. It’s dying. It’s scared and it’s alone and it’s dying.

He doesn’t realize his eyes have lit up in a shining yellow. He doesn’t know that a portal is open in front of him, thinner than his portal to the prison dimension, but just as strong. He doesn’t know he’s reaching through, that his ninpo is calling out. He doesn’t know that he takes, blue dots fluttering at his fingers, turning into a ribbon of purple, flowing into his palm. He feels a sudden disruption, an error with his ninpo, like a fence surrounding wild sheep, forcing them into adapt and graze in a smaller land.

His ninpo cuts off, and the light leaves his eyes. He falls to the ground, heart pounding and body flushed with adrenaline, staring at the blank wall, void of the gold that lit up the area. He breathes, shocked and uncertain, before he gets to his feet.

“What-?”

He screams, whirling to face the quiet voice, scrambling back from the specter cloaked in gray. It pulls three reaching fingers back, eyes composed only in black and mouth curved into a frown. It’s brows furrow, a band of light grey around an oval head outlining the action, mouthing opening to reveal a small gap. It’s stands tall, but it’s voice is a whisper formed of thin air, echoing in Mikey’s head.

“Who are you?” It questions, soft and distant. Then, almost as an afterthought, “Who am I?”

The first question is a breeze.

“My name’s Mikey, and, um…”

If only the second is as easy.

-This clip is pending editing to properly analyze Michael’s brainspace and actions in this moment and confirm what should remain and what should change. This is merely an experiment-

NAH SO LIKE HELPFUL KIDNAPPING, IG

I’ve seen a couple Donnie-in-Rise stuff and I think this could be SO ANGSTY. Michael interfered with events and tried to help, but he only ended up stealing away a piece of his soul. So when April brings him back together- he’s not the same. He blanks out on them, confused about the simplest things. He forgets names and things and places. He has trouble retaining new information. His ki is faded and no matter how many times that Leo says that it will heal, it doesn’t. Eventually, they realize that he isn’t simply drained. He’s been sliced, separated, divided. A piece of him is missing.

And without that piece, he’ll only continue to deteriorate.

And that piece is hanging out with Michael. It simply exists, passive and snarky, confused but unable to recall ever not being a spirit. He’s forced to be wherever Michael is. He doesn’t really care. Mikey is the only constant- the only thing that he’s ever sure is true. Michael doesn’t mind the companion. At least, that’s what he tells himself, determined not to reveal to his brothers that he went behind their back to do what he agreed never to do.

The Spectre makes commentary that his brothers can’t hear, nostalgic for things that he can’t remember. Mikey encourages him to talk about it, hoping to learn anything that might tell him who this stranger is. It comes in random spurts through the day. He has brothers. One of them cooks, like Mikey. Another worries, like Raph. Acts braver than he is, like Leo. He has a sister. She’s never around. He has parents. He thinks one of them is dead.

He has a home. He can’t recall anything about it, but it exists. He always becomes small, burdened by what he can’t remember, broken by what he doesn’t know. He hates thinking about it.

“I don’t want to be here, without them,” he says in his ghostly, whispering voice. “I think you should have let me die.”

Mikey tries to pretend that absolutely nothing is wrong, but eventually, his brothers start to catch on to his avoidance. How awkward he is around them. How often he talks to himself. How drained he always seems. And they bring this up to Draxum.

Mikey does his best to avoid any kind of intervention, but against his will, his brothers preform one anyway. They find out the truth, and Draxum discovers that Michael’s ninpo has been invaded. In order to save the piece of a soul, he’s using his own ninpo to keep it alive. Ninpo isn’t meant to be used 24/7. He’s draining his own reserves, and if he keeps it up for too long, he may irreparably damage his ninpo. The only way to solve the problem is to release the spirit.

Something that Mikey absolutely refuses to do.

If the Spectre is a missing piece, then Mikey wants to put him back together. Mikey refuses to let this piece disappear into nothingness when he had the ability to fix it. He doesn’t know how or when, but he’s going to fix this. He messed up by separating him. Even if it’s just bringing the piece back so his spirit can die properly, he’ll do it.

No matter what the cost. Not matter what it takes.

He has a family out there. Mikey has to try.

And, of course, his family has no intention of letting him do it alone.

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writersmess · 1 year

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CRAZY EX GIRLFRIENDS | DEREK HALE

Pairing: Derek Hale x fem!reader

Summary: you and Derek never really argue, but when it happened, it was not pretty.

Warning: just a fluffy family

Word count: +1k

a/n: hey barbies, here i am again, at this point im not sure if i am living or just dreaming about Derek 24/7. Just to remember, english is not my first language so sorry if there’s any mistakes.

Masterlist

................................

You’ve been dating Derek for some years now.

Neither of you was looking for love at the moment. Derek had just received a newborn at his door with a note that it was his son, he was completely lost.

You had been friends for some time before that, after all you were part of the pack. When you realized how desperate and clueless he was, you had no doubts, you had to help him.

Derek had no idea what was going on with him, but every time he caught a glimpse of you with the baby in your arms, putting him to sleep or simply cuddling him, it was as if something inside him became so restless to the point where he felt the need to stand in the doorway watching you, until he was caught by your loving gaze.

A few months later, you decided you should give it a try, you got along so well. In fact, at some point in all of this, you didn’t even go to your house anymore, little by little your things took over some of the empty spaces in the once so empty and lifeless apartment. That place was becoming a home and suddenly a family was being formed.

A few years has passed by, you decided to move to a bigger house so Eli could have more space while growing.

You and Derek learned to love each other, at the point that you could no longer live apart. You completed each other, needed each other.

It was so funny to imagine that one day that lonely wolf would have a family. A happy one. That every Sunday Peter, Malia and even Parish would gather at his house for family lunch, that they would be in the backyard together chatting and watching little Eli run around and have fun with his toys.

Everyone could see the love you felt for each other and the respect you had. You rarely fought, and when you did, it was over Eli’s upbringing and that you soon came to an agreement for the good of the family.

But that was until two days ago.

Derek heard that some hunters were prowling the town in search of some supernatural creature. The pack was no longer around, at least most of it. The Alpha and his friends had left town to go to college, so Derek felt the need to check out the threat.

Alone.

Without even leaving a note for you.

You only found out when he came home all bruised late at night.

You could not believe your eyes when you saw him like that. You’re so pissed.

He didn’t dare to say a word, he just stood there while you took care of his wounds that was taking time to heal.

What brings you to the present day.

You were having lunch with the Hale’s and Parish, and somehow Derek started bragging about having defeated the hunters all by himself.

That was not like him.

“you must be out of your fucking mind” you couldn't stand it anymore and dumped in the middle of his superheroic stories.

“excuse me?” He looked at you in astonishment and suddenly you had the attention of everyone at the table.

“you have a three year old waiting for you everyday at home, and yet you decide to go out and save the world all by yourself? That was fucking stupid and reckless, Derek” without noticing you were raising your voice as the words were getting out of your mouth.

“oh im sorry if i saved your life, and everybody’s life”

“for fucks sake, are you listening to yourself right now?” you gasped and everyone looked at you in shock. No one had ever witnessed a fight from you before. “im sorry if you’ve only had crazy girlfriends who never cared about you, but I fucking do”

“or maybe you are becoming exactly like them”

Wow

“okay that’s enough” Peter got up and broke up the fight, but before he could reach you to get you out of the room you were quicker and got out of there.

Not before Derek noticed the look you gave him. A look he had never seen in your eyes before.

Malia followed you but also gave him that disappointed look.

He knew he had screwed up really bad.

“that was fucked up even for me” Peter said still surprised for what he had just witnessed.

While he was mulling over everything he had said, you were in the room with Malia by your side, trying to comfort you in her own way

“i can just punch him in the face if that’s okay with you, or Parish can just do his fire thing and scare Derek a lit bit, or maybe-“

“im okay sweetheart” you smiled at her, but the smile never reached your eyes. And Malia noticed it.

“no! He can’t say these things and leave it like that. Not to you. Especially not to you.” You felt your eyes watering and hugged her, leaving Malia with no reaction.

“thanks” you meant it.

You let her go and decided it was the moment to take all the doubts of your head.

You left the house with the excuse that you needed to cool down and passed the men in the living room ignoring all their calls.

A few hours passed and you couldn’t get out of the car that was in the parking lot of your old loft. Your hands were shaking, tears were falling from your face, and you felt completely lost.

You didn’t even imagine, but Derek was almost getting out of his mind searching for you. He was so afraid something has happened to you. When he drive past your old loft and saw your car, it was like he could finally breath.

You heard the knocking on your window and when you looked at him and he saw your teary eyes he became desperate.

“what happened, are you okay? Are you hurt? Who hurt you? I’m gonna kill th-“

“Im pregnant”

He froze.

You both were definitely not expecting this to happen right now. Not when Eli was still just a baby.

“what”

“i am pregnant” you repeat. Hearing these words getting out of your mouth for the second time ever.

Derek kept looking at you. You didn’t know what he was thinking, you couldn’t read him this time.

“I’m pregnant and you think I’m like your crazy ex girlfriends, how amazing is this”

You left out a muffled laugh and Derek slid into the passenger seat. His eyes never leaving yours.

“im sorry baby, I’m so sorry” he grabbed your face, forcing you to look into his green eyes. “im so sorry I hurt you, I never meant to do that, quite te opposite, I was only trying to protect you. I am nothing without you guys, you gave me a reason to live again, to dream with a family that I didn’t know I could have. I could not just be there waiting for things to happen, I couldn’t leave you unprotected, I had to do something, I had to protect you and now...”

He paused and put his hand on your stomach.

By now you were sobbing your eyes out.

“by the time Eli was at my door I had no idea what I was going to do, how could I be a father to him, or even how to have a solo parenthood and suddenly you were there to help me, to love me, to love us. And now I am here, to show how loved you are, and how good you are as a mother and will be again.”

“i love you” you said in tears.

“i love you so much baby”

You could see his eyes shinning with tears.

“We’re gonna make it, like we always do.”

And you did make it.

You had a perfect little girl, she looked so much like you. Derek couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Again, he never ever imagined he would be in this place, a father to two beautiful kids, with the love of his live by his side.

Derek Hale was completed.

#derek hale imagine #derek hale x reader #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf #derek hale #derek hale fanfic #writersmess

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orcelito · 4 months

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orcelito's trigun fic recs!

making this for @trigunfanfic's fic appreciation week! this is a nonexhaustive list & not in any particular order (aside from the smut fics, which i separated into another section). just a few fics i rly love & think should get more attention!!

so Here are the multichapters (some of which have smut, but it's not the focus):

someone to last your whole life by catchatter / @needlab7

this one is sooooooooooooooooooooooo 🥺 i was reading it as it was being released and MAN it drove me insane. every bit of the post-trimax love and healing i couldve ever wanted. genuinely one of my fav trigun fics. it's just so well written & evocative. it really does feel like Vash and Wolfwood... and just. aughghghgh im gonna have to reread it sometime bc it truly is something special

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples) by neatrogenous / @floofyfluff

this is the other post-trimax fic that Changed My Life. i read it all in one go in one euphoric hyperfocus. i felt every emotion known to mankind. it is just. slkdfjsldfjlskdfj god. i adore how Vash is written here. both of them, really. it just feels so much like them. someday, i will reread this one Too...

Make it to Daybreak by @hypermoyashi (on both ao3 and tumblr)

god. what to say about this one. honestly i have never watched Demon Slayer so going into this fic i was missing that context, but i never felt like i was actually missing out on much. Allen does such a fantastic job at bringing u into the world without having to know anything about it at all. i LOOOOVE demon vash sooo much. so very much. im a little behind on updates rn sldfsdfkj but im excited to catch back up bc everything about this au is just Sooooo fun. everyone potentially interested in Demon Vash should read this. Do it. Right Now. 🥺 pls

Trillium and Ivy by @shastafirecracker (on both ao3 and tumblr)

AUGHHHHHH omfg this one was one of the first fics i read for trigun, and MAN it really set a high bar for me. im a little picky when it comes to modern aus, but this one is just so.... WONDERFUL... i read the entire thing in the first half of my day one day and spent the rest of my day in a fugue state. it was just SO SO SO good. i recently reread it and even having read it before, it was just as wonderful to read. realistic relationship development, compelling Saverem drama, all of it. it's also probably my favorite fic for the depiction of Vash's injury & recovery. the first time i read it i was just blown away by how realistic it felt, right down to the trauma memories of watching bargain bin movies while he was stuck in bed. honestly i could rant for forever about this one lol. it truly is special.

and RELATED TO THAT,,,

Wildflowers, also by ShastaFirecracker

i actually didnt know these 2 fics were written by the same person at first lol. Wildflowers got linked in my trigun server & i checked it out bc Fuck Yeah trans wolfwood. and then had my world just blown away. it's SUCH a good fic, & i really am such a sucker for fantasy au. and i was just absolutely gushing about how realistic the depiction of trans wolfwood was even before i finished the fic. SUCH a great fic. so imagine my surprise & delight when i went back to reread Trillium and Ivy and realized -- OH FUCK, it's by the SAME PERSON !!! such beautiful writing, For Real. i really do love these 2 fics.

Sun, Moon, and Stars by tragic_unpaired_electron (can't find a tumblr link on the fic or ao3 profile, so if anyone knows them feel free to share this with them pls !!)

WOW LOOK it's a fic that doesnt have VW as the main focus!!! unfortunately the only one of those on this list (i May be a tad predictable...), & it really earned its place here. it's just such a fascinating fic that answers the question of What If Tesla Survived? i adore the exploration of her strengths and struggles, as well as her sibling relationship with Knives and Vash. it's so INTERESTING, and it gets into the meat of fighting for the rights of Independent Plants (and plants in general) and just. man. i read this and wanted to devote my life to one Tesla Saverem. she is so precious and hard-headed and SUCH a good big sister. pls do read it, it's such a lovely fic

and NOW...

onto the smut fics lol.

there are Plenty of very good smut fics around, but these are the ones that really stuck with me. either for being Different than the norm, or just being very... well. ya kno lol.

dont worry about the picture this paints of me lmfaoooo

you'll never get enough by tagteamme / @phaltu

AGHHHHHHHHH oh my god this fic made me FEEL things. it's a boxer / gym au, and MAN does it do it well. u get the sweaty gym setting, u get the homoeroticism & horny pining, u get the blatant masochism that drives them both... im just obsessed with it. that stove scene is going to stay with me For Life. & the smut is of course VERY good, but the Vibes... oh the Vibes are so impeccable. obsessed.

there is a season for all things by SolidShrimp (cant find their tumblr on the fic/profile, but i Know ive seen them on tumblr 🤔 if anyone knows their url, pls do me a favor and send this to them!)

THIS ONE.......................... man. man. man. man. like i know xeno is The Average for fandom vash, except the normal flower "plantussy" doesnt really do much for me. im too much of a monster fucker for that i guess. it's not BAD, just not particularly exciting. this, though? now, THIS one left an impression. ive already gushed about it to the writer in the comments of the first fic (havent kept up with the sequel fics, tho i really should catch back up sometime) so i'll keep it brief here. just. such an UTTERLY delightful inhuman vash portrayal, to the point where his reproductive biology is just plain incompatible with Wolfwood & Meryl's (oh yeah, it's mashwood, which is WONDERFUL...). wolfwood and meryl are in over their head trying to figure out how to get vash off in his own way, but they do their Absolute Best!!! it's just rly sweet and i adore the way the writer went Full Ham into the inhuman aspects. utterly delightful.

Kick me once again, and say we'll never part by epsilontauri (doesn't look like they're on tumblr? there's just a link to their twitter on the fic. but if anyone knows them, feel free to send this to them!)

this one is. so. very. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ok i will be honest this is probably my favorite vw smut. and it's barely even smut. the sequel is definitely much more sex, but this one is. well. it's some extreme, dangerous, and barely negotiated S&M. as the saying goes, it's neither Safe Or Sane, but it sure is consensual! it's just so. well looking at just the tags sure does reveal it. horrible coping, it's an intense fic, but it's just so.......... DELIGHTFUL........... i really really really love fics that stick to their guns like this. and i love how even though Wolfwood had a GREAT time, we get to see how it kinda freaked Vash out (he did Not like hurting Wolfwood), so the sequel is good for a fic where they're both genuinely having lots of fun. this one is actually rather not fun for Vash. but it's just. it's about the Extremity of it. the Possessiveness. pushing someone to their absolute limits!!!!!!!!! this is another fic that i rambled in the comments about bc. yeah. yeah. it's. just trust me. if ur into fucked up dudes being fucked up dudes, this is the fic for you.

& OKAY i think that's my list. again, it's nonexhaustive, but ive had enough typing i think lol

hope u guys enjoy the recs 🥺

#speculation nation #trigun #fanfiction #trigunfanficappreciation #list put under the cut bc i got a little rambly for some of these heheh. just showing some appreciation <3

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benwvatt · 1 year

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links to all my heartstopper fics!

hello! I am a fanfiction author! please enjoy links to all my 7 heartstopper (nelspring) fics so far. they’re all hyperlinked up at the fic title.

all of my heartstopper fics can be found here

memories painted in much brighter ink (4.1K, rated G, set in canon + light angst and healing)

“Nelson!”

Nick groans.

“I heard you got a boyfriend.”

“So?” Nick responds, and then he wishes he’d had the heart to make up a better comeback.

“I -” Harry fumbles. “I’m… happy for you. I think it’s, er, good.”

Harry Greene realizes how awful he's been to Charlie and Nick, and he apologizes to them after some deep thought and realization about what an cruel person he's been.

i like you inconveniently, you’re bringing out my dopamine (1.5K, rated G, set in canon)

“I think that’s because you have inner beauty,” Nick murmurs softly. “It’s not just your looks.”

Charlie really tries not to, but he blushes madly. “Dammit, Nick. That was so - ugh, so ridiculously smooth. Are you sure you don’t have this spell, too? ‘Cause I think I’m getting attached to you.”

“Well, maybe your magic’s rubbing off on me.”

Nellie yawns, clearly bored by the boys. They’re too busy flirting to pay any attention to her. The sheer nerve! She is the most important thing in any 一 no, in every 一 room!

can’t keep this beating heart at bay (2.0K, rated G, canon divergence)

Charlie laughs. “Sorry - you were telling me about teaching?”

“Yeah, I really like it so far! I’m a third-year, so I started getting some actual fieldwork to do recently.” Nick kicks a stone by the side of the road. “Your brother’s cute.”

“...Just my brother?” Charlie catches Nick’s gaze.

“You-” this is a disaster. “Listen-” This is a bisexual disaster, specifically. “I think you’re cute too.”

In which Nick is Olly's French tutor, Charlie has a crush on Nick, and Olly is so tired of watching these disaster gays try to flirt.

retriever? I hardly know her! (2.2K, rated G, dog walker AU)

'Oh god, oh god, he’s wearing rainbow shoes. Is he gay, or just extremely unaware that gay people exist?'

So there’s this boy. Man?

Boy? Fellow? Gent?

Cute Park Guy™ is either a professional dog-walker or someone with a large, bumbling group of pets. This is probably his day job; he plays tug-of-war with leashes and chew toys and, from time to time, Nick’s heartstrings.

In which Charlie is always at the dog park with a group of dogs, Nick is there with Nellie, and they both pine after each other softly from across the field.

it’s all an epiphany (0.7K, rated G, canon + light angst)

“Hey, weirdo,” Charlie whispers. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh! Hi. Sorry.” Nick rolls over between the comforters, hair on his legs grainy against them. “Dozed off for maybe two hours.” He smooths the longest curls back from Charlie’s temples and kisses there.

“Nghhh, Niiiick, go back to bed. That’s not enough time.” And, after a pause: “Are you feeling okay about David’s birthday coming up?” Charlie asks.

In which Nick despises his brother, even if they're only arguing in his head, and he falls even more in love with his boyfriend.

you make my dreams crumb true (1.8K, rated T, canon + wedding planning fluff)

“Hey, do I get to smash cake in your face at the wedding?” Charlie asks. He tries a slice of raspberry, closest to him. “Wow.”

“Depends, do I get to do it to you?”

Charlie gazes over Nick slowly. “Uh - yeah!” He’d misheard that at first. ‘You can do stuff to me after, too,’ he considers, except this is a public place.

In which Nick and Charlie try to pick a wedding cake flavour and flirt madly the whole time. Late-twenties Nick, unfortunately, still thinks bubblegum is tasty.

it’s an extremely rushed love story (baby, just say yes) (1K, rated G, fake engagement)

Dear god, this plan with Tao had spun wildly out of control. “You’re-” Tara sat down very slowly. “Engaged.”

Nick pulled her into a bear hug across the sofa. “And all because of you two!”

Darcy settled into the couch cushions as if they would fall apart if they hit the cotton too quickly. “Right.”

To get revenge on Tara, Darcy, and Tao for setting them up on a blind date they didn't agree to, Nick and Charlie pretend they're sickeningly in love and engaged.

#heartstopper #charlie x nick #nick x charlie #narlie #nelspring #narlie fanfic #heartstopper fic #heartstopper fanfic #charlie x nick fic #narlie fic #nick nelson #charlie spring #heartstopper series #benwvatt

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candied-boys · 6 months

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Luke's POV x F! Reader - Part 8

Warning: Dark Content!

Including but not limited to references to prostitution, child neglect and abuse, war and death, PTSD, flashbacks, nightmares, suicidal ideation, and historically accurate ages for relations. The dark content is almost entirely drawn from/same as Luke's route.

Themes: protection, hurt and comfort, mutual healing, learning to trust, letting yourself feel, and eventually giving into love. Everything is written from Luke's POV.

Part 7

You shouldn’t have let Honey drag you into bed with her that night at the inn. She hasn't taken no for an answer since. Though the cold winter nights are well past, you ran out of excuses long ago — both to sleep alone and to send her on her way.

Every time you pulled up the covers and tucked her in next to you, you swore it was only until spring, only until it wasn't so bitter outside, only until…

You couldn't let go anymore…

“I think Leyla's bears are lonely staying here by themselves… Maybe the little bear you made me can keep them company until you come again next time…”

You visited the cemetery at Hope together that day and found the graves of her mother and grandmother. Once a rose was laid out for each, you brought her to the little house you rebuilt yourself. There she left the tiny bear you had made out of the same yellow wool as her dress the morning after you brought her home from the brothel. Now she clings to her newly sewn bear where she lies curled up asleep in your arms.

“Surprise! Happy birthday, Leyla!”

“Wow! A bear! It's so cute!!”

“Glad y’ like it. Why’d y’ want a bear anyway?”

“Because it reminds me of my big brother!”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you're like the bear in my story book that helps the little girl who got lost in the forest! You're always looking after me and playing with me, so I wanted a bear like you to play with while you're at work.”

The next town over. About an hour's walk. That's where you were when the invasion happened. Work.

“And there's still so much work left to do before…”

A rap at the door pulls you from the darkness beginning to cloud the rays of April sunshine seeping through the shutters. Careful not to wake Honey, you sneak out from the bed and over to the threshold to peer through the spy glass. On the other side stands a man dressed in black silk robes that make it clear he is, by no means, one of the townsfolk. Upon opening the door the devilish looking man greets you by proclaiming to be a palace minister and declaring that you are the long lost eighth prince.

Shaking your head and crossing your arms, all you can think is that bullshit like this should stay in fairy tales where it belongs. Worst of all is that if what he says were somehow true, it would be a sick twist in your already gruesome fate. When the word ‘prince’ echoes in your ears again so do the horrors of that day ten years ago.

“See you later, Big Brother!”

Though your blood curdles at the mere recollection, you realize you don't care whether he's got the wrong guy or you are some lost prince. Taking up residence at the palace as per his request would cut your work by years, so you agree — on one condition.

“Prince Luke, you must understand that this is a strictly confidential matter. Not just anyone can be permitted to stay at the castle…”

“I'm not leaving her here alone,” you counter as you shut the door and step out to keep Honey from overhearing.

“The castle is a den of beasts. It is certainly not safer for her there. However, I promise you our best knights can be made available to see to her here in town.”

“I don't give a damn if y’ promise the whole army. I'm not leaving her by herself.”

With an exasperated sigh the slender man scowls up at you, “Prince Luke, you are oddly protective of someone who is neither your sister nor your lover.”

For a split second you reach to grab him by the collar and give him what for, but you catch yourself just in time and ask through grit teeth, “What of it?”

“You must understand that by insisting she joins you, you are condemning either yourself to lying or her to secrecy. Should the details of what we will discuss at the palace be known, it would mean treason.”

“If y’ already know enough about her to know who she is to me, y’ should know enough to understand she don't have no one to tell nothin’ to.”

“This includes even the palace staff. If you do not wish to lose what you cherish twice, Prince Luke, I advise you to choose carefully.”

This time you snap.

“Just who the fuck are y’, anyway?”

Prying your grip off his robes he answers calmly, “I shall explain in due course. Pack whatever is most important to you. The rest will be furnished to you upon arrival at the castle. A carriage will be here to pick you up in an hour.”

Without another word he disappears, leaving you to hide the chaos of emotions roiling within because you can tell from the shadow under the door that she's awake and waiting on the other side. Running a heavy hand through your hair you turn the knob and find her standing there, clutching her bear tight with anxiety.

“How much did y’ hear?” you sigh.

“Nothing really…” she mumbles after a moment of glancing around warily. “I just woke up because you sounded um… upset…”

She hasn't seen you get riled up like this since the night you brought her here, but you know there's still a deep-rooted fear of the violence that accompanied anger in her family.

“I'm sorry I scared you, Honey. Everything's okay. C’mere,” you coax with open arms.

Her hesitation soon lifts and she scurries into your arms, nuzzling her face into your chest. When her shoulders give up their tension, you pick her up and sit her on your knee at the table.

“Do y’ remember I told y’ I've been workin’ to become a knight in the king's army? Well, I got an offer to go to live and work at the castle.”

Instantly she stiffens, eyes wide and brimming with panic.

“Hey, hey, nothin’ to be scared of. I'm not gonna leave y’ here all alone,” you shush with a hand on her cheek.

“But Luke… I can't go with you. I don't belong in a place like that… and I'm already a burden on you as it is… and I don't want to hold you back more… and…”

“Shh, none o’ that,” you press a finger to her trembling pout. “Y’re a good girl. Don't go thinkin’ otherwise. Now if y’ wanna stay here I can make sure y’re taken care of. We'll get y’ set up with a job like we talked about and y’ can keep livin’ here in this room if y’ like.”

Little hand fisting your t-shirt, she chokes, “and if I don't?”

“Y’ can come with me. Nothin’ll change except where we sleep at night. I'll still look after y’ and keep y’ safe.”

Her eyes scan yours for a minute longer than you expect and you quirk a brow to draw out her question.

“But what do you want, Luke?”

You always tell yourself she needs you, that you can't leave her on her own yet, that she isn't safe without you around. But you know that's barely half the truth. If you lie to yourself and say you don't care, you'll leave her deeply wounded. And yet if you let yourself be honest, you might just fall apart.

A dozen answers dance on your tongue, but all you can manage is to pull her closer and drop your head onto her shoulder, hoping your grip on her waist is enough to tell her what you can't bring yourself to say.

Part 9

#ikemen prince #ikepri #ikemen luke #ikemen prince luke randolph #luke randolph #ikemen prince luke #ikepri luke #ikepri fanfiction #fanfiction #ikemen prince fanfiction #ikepri fanfic

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thebabblingbrookenook · 1 year

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The Viscount Who Loved Me Too Much - Part 2

Pairings: Anthony Bridgerton x Fem!reader

Summary: Modern AU - A continuation of a previous story, The Viscount Who Loved Me Too Much Part 1, where Reader is recovering from a heart transplant. She’s determined to make sure she truly lives every second for the rest of her life. Not a moment wasted. When she meets Anthony Bridgerton, she starts to realize, and ask for, all the things she really wants for herself.

Warnings: This chapter is pretty tame compared to Part 1. There are brief mentions of sexual content but not actual smut. Sorry guys, maybe in Part 3 haha

Word Count: 6K

Author’s Note - I know I had originally said that this would be a 4 Part series, but I may have underestimated how much content I had to work with. For now, I won’t put a number on it. Once again, @colettebronte saves the day with her beta reading. You would not want to see the mess of words I laid down before her keen eye gave it a once over. And to @eleanor-bradstreet, my sweet, sweet Eleanor... Thank you so much for walking in angst with me on this one. Your advice and companionship have been invaluable.

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Anthony Bridgerton was a man of his word, having made good on his promise to ruin you that morning. Twice. He had left your legs weak and your backside sore, but you were thoroughly satisfied. It was the kind of satisfaction that you were afraid to get used to. Getting attached to him would probably be a colossal mistake, but he wasn’t making it easy.

Sitting across from him in your favorite café, over breakfast you pondered what your life might look like with him in it on a more permanent basis. It was a dangerous game to play but you couldn’t seem to help yourself. Something about him was addictive and you could already anticipate the pain his absence would create.

You were constructing a getaway plan in your head when his voice cut through your concentration. “Figured out how you’re going to ditch me yet?”

“What? Why would you say that?” Panic pitched your voice higher. “I wasn’t planning…”

“Yes you were,” he teased with a knowing grin. “I recognize the look. I practically invented it. Let me save you the stress. If after today you don’t wish to continue spending time with me, I’ll bugger off.”

“Continue?” you ask, trying unsuccessfully to keep the hope from your voice. “You want to see me again?”

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” He tested the waters.

“Yes,” you nodded shyly, averting your eyes. “And this morning.”

“So did I,” he assured. “If you’ll have me, I’d like to keep enjoying myself.”

“I think I’d like that,” you conceded. If he was going to stick around, you wanted to address the hideous scar in the room. “You can ask me, you know. It’s okay, I know you want to.”

He had the courtesy to look a bit ashamed when he asked. “What happened?”

“I got the flu,” you shrugged.

“I beg your pardon? I’m not sure I understand.”

“It seems crazy, I know. But that’s what happened. It was just the flu. I was really sick with a stomach bug for a few days and then I was dying. The doctor said it was a one in a million scenario. Viral Myocarditis. The virus weakened my heart muscle and there was too much damage. I was fine one day and on life support the next.”

You watched him with interest as his mind tried to add everything together. “You needed a transplant?”

“Yes,” you confirmed. “It was all so sudden. There wasn’t a lot of time to process everything. My whole life changed.”

“Wow,” he stated in disbelief. “You’re okay now though, right?”

“My doctor seems to think I’m healing nicely. I had to make a lot of adjustments. I’m going to be on medication for the rest of my life, but that seems a small price to pay.”

“That’s only the physical aspect. How are you handling things otherwise? I can’t imagine that has been easy for you. From all my accounts, you're very… lively.” He grinned flirtatiously. At this rate, you were going to need to keep an emergency fire extinguisher in your purse for your nether regions.

“Honestly, I’ve been a mess. It took a long time to find myself again. Even now, I’m not quite the same.” You searched your mind to find the right words. Why the desire was so strong, you weren’t sure, but you desperately needed to be understood by him.

Without missing a beat, he met you where you were. “Of course you’re not. Nor should you be. I’m not sure I’d like to know the person who could go unaffected by those circumstances. They would either be a liar or a fool. Probably both.”

His voice trailed off in contemplation so you followed him into the void. “I think maybe you’ve already known that person.”

“Mmm,” he hummed in agreement. “I live with him every day.”

Anger pricked at your consciousness, sending your pulse on a rampage. It was ludicrous, you barely knew this man, but the instinct to defend him, even from himself, felt like it was your newfound purpose. It was presumptuous to think you knew better, but those words didn’t ring true.

“We’ve all been fools at some point. And I lie to myself all the time.” You hoped you weren’t doing that right then; Looking at him and seeing only what you wanted to see. But you decided self doubt was useless and trusted your instincts instead. “We just have to learn how to get out of our own way.”

“Is that what you’re doing now? Getting out of your own way?” Genuine interest played behind his eyes.

“I’m trying. I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing, but I’m trying. It feels like I owe it to myself. And to the…” you paused, subconsciously running your thumb over your scar. “Well, to all the people who got me here. Anything less would be unforgivably selfish of me.”

His fingers reached out to play with yours absently on the table. “So what’s your secret? There has to be a trick to it. I’m far too obstinate to simply tell myself to get the fuck out of my own way.”

The familiarity in his touch warmed your chest. It felt natural to be there with him. “I think it’s all about perspective. There is this huge thing lingering over me now, constantly reminding me to reevaluate when I feel stuck. My experience was terrifying, and I would never wish it on someone else, but perspective is definitely something it has gifted me. Seeing situations, and even other people through a new lens changes the entire picture.”

His huff of laughter sat in contrast with the smile that didn’t quite touch his eyes. “Now you’re beginning to sound like my brother.”

“Your brother sounds like a wise man,” you teased.

“A self proclaimed one at that. He would be unbearable if he heard you confirm it.” His words were sharp but his tone radiated affection.

“What’s his name?” you asked, curiosity getting the better of you.

You could see his mind wrestling over your request. Anxiety froze you to your seat while you waited for him to decide if you were worthy of this information. Family was private for some people, and you worried you may have accidentally crossed a boundary.

An apology was forming on your lips when he offered a response. “Benedict.” He broke your eye contact to take a sip of his cooling tea. “I’m the oldest, then Benedict.”

“It must be nice to have a sibling. I always wanted one growing up, but I think I scared my parents off children on round one,” you offered up a piece of your life in reciprocity.

“Be careful what you wish for. I have seven, and they have been a proper pain in my ass, each in their own specially crafted and unique ways.” His voice was laced with a paternal pride that colored his features in warmth.

“Seven?! You parents must be exhausted.”

“It’s just my mother now,” he confided. “The woman is a saint.”

“Oh,” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago,” he remembered with a sad silence settling over him. “But enough about me! Let’s get back to you. I’m far less interesting.”

Somehow you doubted that, but you yielded to his subtle request to move away from a difficult subject. “What would you like to know?”

“Obviously, you’re from The States, which I offer my utmost sympathies for,” he smiled cheekily. “... but whereabouts are you from?”

“I grew up in a little town outside of Columbus, Ohio that no one has ever heard of, but we moved to New York when I was fourteen.” Yep, definitely not more interesting than him. You were boring yourself to tears.

“And how did you end up on the right side of the pond?”

“I work for a luxury hotel. We opened a new location in London and they needed someone to get it off the ground. I’m here until they say otherwise.”

Leaning forward, he whispered conspiratorially, “Is it bad of me to hope they need you indefinitely?”

You felt a blush erupt across your cheeks at his confession. Your voice lowered in meekness as you readied an admission of your own. “I don’t know… Is it bad of me to really like that you just said that?”

“Maybe,” he leaned in even further like he was about to divulge a secret. “We’ll just have to be bad together then.”

The heat left your face entirely and raced to a place much, much lower. The way your body responded to him took you off guard. You were no stranger to lust, but this was different. He had roused something in you that you didn’t know existed and you were completely at its mercy.

Before the logical half of your brain had a chance to talk you out of it, your mouth opened and blurted out something you had yet to share with anyone. Not Ellie. Not your mom. Only him. “What would you say if I told you that an offer to stay on a more permanent basis is actually a reality for me? I haven’t given my answer yet, but my bosses want to make me head of our European division. Our London location has been thriving and we want to expand even further. They already have plans for Germany, Italy, and France.”

He whistled his admiration. “Wow… that’s a big deal. If you don’t mind me saying so, I think you’d be crazy not to take that opportunity. What’s holding you back?”

Taking a moment to truly consider, you searched your mind for the right answer. “My parents… Being sick and this far away from them has been hard on all of us. It would be a lot easier on them, especially my mom, if I was home. And I miss them. I miss New York. There are days when I would murder someone to get my hands on a New York bagel.”

“Hmm,” he mulled over your words. “I see…”

“What?” You hoped your irritation wasn’t obvious. “You don’t think those reasons are valid?”

“No, they are perfectly valid. They just aren’t the reason. Those are the excuses being used to justify not taking the risk.” His expression held no malice and his voice was free of condescension. He was simply offering the truth. For some reason, that irritated you even more.

“Excuses. Reasons. Aren’t they the same thing?”

“Not in my opinion,” he shrugged. “Excuses will always be there. Reasons can be conquered. So what is it? What are you afraid to go up against?”

No one had ever cut so directly through your bullshit in all of your life. The exposure was terrifying but also strangely exhilarating. Somehow telling him the truth came easier than with most. It didn’t feel like you were diving headfirst into judgment.

“Myself,” you admitted. “I’m afraid to face myself. This would be a massive undertaking of responsibilities. If I fail, it impacts a lot more than just me. I don’t know if I’m the person that commands the room, or makes decisions on such massive scales. I’ve always been the tool that someone else wields to realize their vision. An extremely effective tool, but still… I guess I just don’t want to find out in the end that I can’t make things happen of my own accord. I don’t want to know that I’m visionless or that I need someone to metaphorically hold my hand all the time.” You stopped to reign yourself in before you sent him running from the cafe in the opposite direction. “Sorry I just unloaded on you.”

His laugh was bright and genuine. “I seem to recall you letting me unload on you at some point in the last twenty four hours. I’m merely returning the favor. Besides, I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.” He reached down and picked up your long-abandoned pastry and took a bite before setting it back on your plate. “Do you even want the position? If it isn’t something that you want, don’t say yes. It would suck the marrow straight from your bones. If you do want it…Well, someone very wise once told me that sometimes we just have to learn to get out of our own way.”

Using your own words against you was a nice touch. “I do want it. That’s probably why it scares me so much. Sometimes the most terrifying part about gaining your heart’s desire is that now you can lose it.” Your eyes flickered to his and you realized he was climbing to the top of that list at an alarming speed.

The intensity in his gaze knotted your stomach. “That’s true, but the alternative is much worse. To lose something without ever even tasting it… Show me a life of settling for safety and I’ll show you a life of dissatisfaction. You deserve to be thoroughly satisfied.” A sharp intake of breath rushed through your lungs at the feel of his foot lightly brushing the length of your calf under the table. “In every regard.”

Clearing your throat, you directed the conversation back to him. Another second under his heated stare and you would have found yourself dragging him into a stall in the ladies room. “How do you find satisfaction in your life?”

His smile was wicked with innuendo but his words were sincere. “I enjoy my work. I took over as CEO of the company when my father passed away. Having the chance to build on his legacy is fulfilling for me. And of course my family - being the head of such a large household is where I find the most purpose. It’s time consuming and tiresome work, but it’s very rewarding. My siblings…” he trailed off briefly, leaving you wondering where he’d gone. Remembering himself, he continued. “Watching them all grow and discover themselves, and being able to guide them through it all… I’m not sure I’ll ever do anything more important.”

Your heart swelled with admiration. “They must adore you.”

His laugh was laced with derision. “Hardly. Most days I’m not even certain they like me. It’s hard for them to see me as just a brother, or a friend, when I’ve been parenting them for most of their lives. I’ve been told I can be… overprotective.”

“Ahhh,” you smirked. “So in other words, you’re controlling.”

He shrugged, not at all bothered by the title. “Family comes before all else. You seem to understand that. That’s part of why you haven’t jumped at the chance for this job; You’re thinking of them.”

“It’s mostly my mom. Don’t get me wrong, I know my dad loves me and would be thrilled to have me closer, but he doesn’t need me like my mom does. I think he’s proud of me for venturing so far away and thriving on my own. But my mom… this has been really hard on her. She’s been in full helicopter mode for a year now.” You paused, remembering all that she had sacrificed for you throughout your life. “Staying here, so far away, seems selfish. Especially because it would be so easy for me to relieve her extra stress. I could find a job in New York - it would be fine.”

“A job, yes. But THE job… The one you deserve. The one you’ve earned.” He shook his head, somewhat dumbfounded by the situation. “Sometimes our own happiness requires a bit of selfishness. Besides, isn’t it equally as selfish to make a unilateral decision that impacts her life without giving her the chance to tell you her opinion? I can’t imagine your mother being okay with watching you accept mediocrity on her behalf.”

As if you had said her name one too many times in an accidental summoning, your mother’s familiar voice reached your ears. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. You weren’t answering your phone, and Ellie said she hadn’t heard from since last night. Where have you been?!”

Mortification opened its jaws and swallowed you whole. She was too preoccupied with her fear induced rage to notice the man sitting across from you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes from venturing to his face. The last thing you needed was to start crying from embarrassment. Like a child accepting a very public reprimand.

“Mom…what are you doing here,” you asked absently, still finding your way out of a stunned stupor. Confusion and disbelief creased your brow as you took in the number of unanswered calls and texts on your phone. Ellie had even reached out in warning of your mother’s war path. “My phone must have been on silent. Sorry about that. Is everything okay?”

“You tell me! When I left you last night you weren’t feeling well, and then I didn’t hear from you all morning. You had me worried sick.” Still, she didn’t notice Anthony sitting next to you, politely sipping his tea. Your venture off the grid must have really shaken her.

“I’m fine. I just…” you paused, realizing an anger of your own. “Wait, how did you even find me?”

Her posture prepared to defend her actions, but her face still had the good sense to look at least slightly abashed. “Your father taught me how to track your location with my phone.”

The only thing saving her from the weight of your full irritation was Anthony’s presence. But make no mistake, there would be a conversation about this blatant invasion of privacy. “As you can see, I’m perfectly fine. Can we talk about this later, please?”

Coming down from her spiral of overreaction, her gaze finally flickered over to Anthony. You almost pitied her when he flashed that breath-stealing smile in her direction. “I apologize for the distress. I fear this may be my fault. I’ve been rudely monopolizing your daughter’s attention. We bonded during some early morning cardio, so naturally I invited her to enjoy a well-deserved breakfast pastry to undo all that hard work.”

The apples of her cheeks turned the exact shade of red as the aforementioned fruit. Whether it was from embarrassment, or the unavoidable fluster that Anthony tended to evoke, you weren’t sure. She gathered her composure before giving you a skeptical look. “You got out of bed on Saturday morning to workout? That seems unlikely.”

You plopped a piece of pastry in your mouth to hide an uncomfortable grin. “A workout routine was listed in all that recovery research you gave me. I thought you’d be pleased…”

“I’ve never seen you lift more than a coffee before 10:00AM, let alone break a sweat.”

Anthony’s velvety tone captured her attention again. “Well, I can confirm without a doubt that we were both a sweaty mess. She was extremely motivated. It really pushed me to my limits, I could barely keep up.”

You found yourself silently wondering if faking an illness would get you out of this conversation, but before you could craft a plan Anthony turned up the charm. “Would you care to join us…” he paused. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I didn’t catch your name?”

“It’s Kathleen,” she offered him demurely.

“How lovely,” he beamed. “Forgive my poor manners, Kathleen. I’m Anthony Bridgerton.”

“Bridgerton,” she practically gasped. “As in Bridgerton House Enterprises?”

You looked between the two of them in surprise. How could she possibly know of him?

“One and the same,” he confirmed. “Are you familiar with our work?”

“Just what I’ve read about the new Children’s Hospital. What you’re doing is a godsend for those parents. You have no idea what relief that will bring them. To not have to think about such trivial things during the worst moments of your life… that’s a gift.” Her voice trembled with reverence. You knew she was remembering a darker time.

“Ahh, yes.” His eyes lit up with affection. “That is a joint endeavor with my mother. She’s quite passionate about it. She is always looking for like-minded volunteers to join her team if you are interested in getting further involved.”

“I’ll have to remember that…” her tone shifted to one only a mother could summon. “Mr. Bridgerton..”

“Please,” he interrupted. “Call me Anthony.”

She gave him an appeasing smile. “Anthony… I appreciate your offer to join you, but I was hoping to get a moment with my daughter alone. We have some things we need to discuss.”

“Mom,” you screeched.This level of mortification wasn’t something you realized existed.

“No, of course.” Anthony conceded, pushing his chair back from the table to stand. He looked over to you with an apologetic smirk. “It was nice meeting you, y/n. Thank you for a lovely morning.”

All you could manage was a deflated, “You too,” before you watched him turn and walk out the door. Your mind was racing trying to decipher what had just happened. Your heart pounded louder in your ears with each step he took. Before you were so rudely interrupted, he was asking for more time with you. He said he enjoyed himself and wanted to continue exploring each other. But as you watched him walk past the cafe window it dawned on you that you hadn’t even exchanged numbers. You didn’t even tell him your last name. The longer you sat with them, his parting words started to sound like a goodbye. Maybe he had changed his mind after he witnessed the crazy in your life up close. Or maybe he had never really wanted more at all and he was good with using pretty words.

You turned the full weight of your distress on your mother who had taken up Anthony’s vacated seat. “I cannot believe you just did that…”

“Don’t look at me like that, honey…” she was squirming under your heated stare. “Maybe if you would have been responsible and answered your phone I wouldn’t have been forced to take such drastic measures. You can’t just drop off the map like that. How am I supposed to leave you here alone if I can’t trust that you’re being safe?”

She was your mother, and you loved her… but if you didn’t put a stop to this right now and establish clear boundaries, your relationship might reach a point beyond repair.

“Except I can just drop off the map if I want to, mom. I’m a grown woman. I’m not obligated to check in with you before every choice I make. I do those things because I love you, and I know how much you worry - not because you’ve ordered me to do it. I think you’re forgetting that I’m not a child you can control anymore.”

She jumped in, eager to defend herself, “I’m not trying to control you, honey. I just want you to be safe. I’ve been doing this whole mom thing for a long time. I think I’m fairly qualified in knowing what’s best for you.”

A long, exasperated sigh filled the space between you. “I know you mean well, Mom, but this has got to stop. You don’t even see how inappropriate that just was. We need to set up some healthy boundaries. We can’t be codependent forever. Don’t you have things you want to do for yourself? Things you want to do with Dad? Things you have put off for thirty years so that you could put all your love and energy into me? I know I have things that I’d like to experience for myself. I don’t want to be stagnant. I need to challenge myself. Try new things - meet new people.”

She scoffed, “New people… you mean men.”

“Men would be considered people, Mom…” you took a deep breath and tried to reign in your temper. “And I think I was doing a pretty good job until you barged in here like a crazy person and literally asked him to leave. He was nice. I liked him. And you probably just ruined it.”

Remorse started to transform the stubborn resolve written on her face. “He was unreasonably handsome, wasn’t he?” She smiled warmly at your emphatic nod, but if the lip now pinned between her teeth was any indication, she had more to say on the matter. “But honey, do you really think dating is what you should be focused on right now? You’ve been through so much, and if my memory serves me, dating can be stressful.”

Understanding dawned on you. She didn’t want your new heart broken or damaged. In her eyes, it was all so fragile - so delicate. Why would she think anything else? You had let her treat you like a porcelain doll for the past year.

“If not now, then when? If I’ve learned anything from this year it’s that time is never promised. Whatever time I’ve been gifted, I don’t want to waste it. I don’t want regrets and what-ifs. I want to be in love. I want someone to know me. I want a family one day. I want to get up in the morning with purpose and drive. I want to fail and get back up again. I want to live, Mom… And I can’t do that with you strapped around me like a life vest.”

It was as if I had slapped her squarely across the face. Tears pooled at the corners of her widening eyes. “What are you saying, y/n?”

“I’m saying…” you stopped, making sure to choose the words with care. “I’m saying that I think you should go home to Dad. He needs you too, you know? Go home and unclench, mom. I’ll be okay. Trust that you’ve raised me to be capable, smart and resilient.”

She couldn’t look at you now. Her arms crossed tightly over her chest and she reached up discreetly to wipe an errant tear from her cheek. Rejection chafed at her pride, but you could see that she was fighting the instinct to push back in obstinance. “I do miss your dad…” she sniffled. “And I suppose it wouldn’t kill me to trust you to take care of yourself for a few months. You’ll be home soon anyway - with the hotel running so smoothly. As soon as you hire a manager for them, you can come back to New York.”

The wave of disappointment that you felt at the prospect of her words was waterboarding you. That’s when you knew - You had to take this job. It might be terrifying, but nothing else made sense. “Actually, Mom, there is something that I need to talk to you about…”

~~~~~~~~~~

The day spent with your mother was emotionally exhausting. There was a lot of crying, a little yelling, some desperate bargaining, but eventually she yielded to your decisions. The terms of her departure came with stipulations. You weren’t allowed to go more than two days without talking - though she preferred no more than one - and in person visits were a non-negotiable. She also wanted to be kept in the loop on the dating front, claiming she didn’t want to be left out on the girl talk, but you didn’t miss the fact that she mumbled something about grandchildren under her breath.

All in all, you were happy with how it all went. It was a hard conversation to have but somehow your relationship already felt better for it. It was the first adult decision you had made for yourself in a long time. She was leaving at the end of the week and you were looking forward to the opportunity to miss her. You were already excited to plan your first visit back home. It had been too long since you saw your dad or any of your friends.

The blissful high of resolved emotions slowly started to fade with each of your steps as you walked home from your mother’s hotel. It was replaced by an excited, anxious buzz that tingled beneath your skin and turned your stomach topsy-turvy. You had just made a huge decision that was about to change the entire course of your life. You were taking on new ventures in new places, surrounded by new people. No more safety net. It was time to sink or swim.

Speaking of sinking - your heart had been steadily sinking in your chest all day. Anthony Bridgerton was the first man in a long, long time to make you feel like putting yourself out there might be worth it. You tried to tell yourself to keep your expectations low. It started as nothing more than an exhilarating experiment to reach for your own desires, and you were content with that. He had given you an amazing night, taking you to places of pleasure that no one else had even gotten close to - But then he started making plans. He started wanting more. Or at least it seemed that way. Maybe you had been seeing things through the lens of wishful thinking. Maybe you had misread it all.

The worst part was - now you’d never know. Even though your time together had been brief, it was easy to see him in your life. He challenged you in a way that you craved. Conversation with him stimulated your mind, body, and soul. His lips, his eyes, the way he smelled… His laugh, his frown, the way he tasted… Everything about him made you ache. How were you supposed to keep walking around life pretending that the most intoxicating man you had ever met didn’t just slip through your fingers? Living in the same city, but having him just out of reach, would be a customized form of torture. An insatiable itch that would never stop.

A list of ways to find him again were already forming in your mind. You knew his full name, so naturally your first step was to check all forms of social media - He had none. Clearly, he was a private person. Thanks to your mom, you even knew where he worked. A quick Google search pulled up a wealth of information that you quickly filed away as useless to you. You weren’t trying to give off stalker vibes. Maybe you would just get lucky and fate would steer you back towards each other again.

You resigned yourself to the depressing notion of waiting as you approached the door of your apartment. Sighing heavily, you searched fruitlessly though the contents of your purse for your keys. “Uugghhh! I have got to get a smaller bag. This is ridiculous. Every damn time!”

Your fingers finally grazed across the cool brass of your keys. They twisted noisily in your lock, seconds away from the comfort of home, when a familiar voice called out to you. “Miss y/l/n! I was hoping I’d catch you. Wait just one moment.”

Your sweet, but nosey, elderly neighbor from across the hall shuffled her way towards you. “Hello Mrs. Finch. How are you this evening?”

A moment of panic flashed through you as you remembered your hallway dalliance with Anthony the night before. You prayed she wasn’t coming to admonish you for it. “I’m doing well, though I suspect maybe not as good as you.” The knowing look she gave you made you want to duck behind the nearby plant to hide.

Thankfully, a playful smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and you could have sworn you saw her wink. “Mrs. Finch, I’m so sorry about that. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

She waved you off dismissively, “Nonsense, girl! If I were your age I’d be doing the exact same thing. Maybe a little more frequently, but still…” You released the breath you had been holding when you were positive she wasn’t here to yell. “I won’t keep you long, I just thought you’d like to know there was a handsome young man here tonight looking for you. I heard him knocking on your door. When you didn’t answer, I got worried that maybe he was bothering you. You’re usually home at this time of night.”

Her sleuthing skills were truly unparalleled. It was a little unnerving that she knew the ins and outs of your schedule so well, but it felt good to know that you had one more person looking out for you. Her snooping was harmless. Mostly, you thought, she was just lonely and bored. From now on you were going to try to make more of an effort to socialize with her.

“He was very friendly though. And my god, that smile!” Her cheeks blushed slightly at the memory. “Men like that are the best kind of trouble. I’d give him a chance if I were you.”

Hope started to ring in your ears. From the description, there was only one person she could be talking about, but you needed to be sure. “It’s very sweet of you to worry after me like that. I appreciate you telling me. Did he happen to give you his name?”

“No,” she said with a hint of annoyance. “But, he did leave something for you. He asked if I’d keep it safe until you got home.”

Leaning back into her flat, she returned with a white box that was wrapped with a beautiful blue silk bow. She smiled warmly and squeezed your hand. “I’ll leave you to it. I’m sure you're dying to get inside and open it. Keep me posted on how this all turns out. I’m deathly curious.”

“Thank you, Mrs Finch.” Testing the waters, you stepped in to offer a hug. She only hesitated for a moment before squeezing you back. “I’ll let you know if he is as much trouble as he seems.”

Your heart fluttered in your chest as you ran your hands over the smooth surface of the sturdy box. Flipping on the light and locking the door, you made your way to the small table in your kitchen. Why were you so nervous? It was just a gift. But if it wasn’t from who you were hoping, you knew you’d be crushed.

The silk of the bow caressed your fingertips as you pulled gently on its edges. You’d definitely keep it. The cool blue shade of it would look beautiful and delicate tied up in your hair. Lifting the lid, your brows scrunched with confusion. Inside was a leather bound book - the same color as the silky ribbon - and a small note card. Scribed with elegant flowing letters, it read:

For your new job. You know you want it, so bloody take it already.

~ A

P.S. - I’ve taken the liberty of listing my contact information under the Resources tab inside. In case you ever find yourself in need of my services again…

A day planner. And sure enough, inside you found his name and cell phone number neatly scratched on the crisp white page. You giggled when you saw the tiny heart replacing one of the letters in his name. Mrs. Finch was right - The best kind of trouble indeed.

Carefully flipping through, you took in all the little details hidden in the pages. The paper was thick and professional. You’d be able to use all sorts of pens without worrying about the ink bleeding through. The craftsmanship of the leather was impressive. You didn’t want to know how much something of this quality cost.

You were about to turn back to his phone number when something else caught your eye. Penciled in on the upcoming Friday was a reminder.

Celebratory dinner with Anthony - 8pm

You took your phone from your purse and snapped a picture of the marked date, simultaneously adding his name to your contacts. You didn’t bother telling him it was you. He’d know…

Y: What are we celebrating?

Your heart started to race when you saw those three little dots appear, indicating his immediate impending response.

A: Your new job. Obviously.

You laughed out loud imagining him doing a terrible Professor Snape impression.

Y: That’s a bit presumptuous, don’t you think?

Again, a quick response.

A: No.

A: I’ll pick you up at 7:30.

Six days… You only had to wait six days.

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