#Elden Ring Ranking

[reyrapidsbutgayer]

Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability

It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this.

In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.

Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.

It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.

Explanation of Grading system:

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.

Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

Dragonkin Soldier:

Mindless beast

Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Fia's Champions:

Ghosts, simps.

Regal Ancestor Spirit

Animal

Erdtree Avatar

A plant

Great Wyrm Theodorix

Mindless beast.

Ulcerated Tree Spirit

A plant, no junk

Tibia Mariner:

Skeleton

Red Wolf of the Champion:

Animal.

Full-Grown Fallingstar Beast

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Abductor Virgin

First off, just some snakes in a robot. Second, virgin.

Erdtree Burial Watchdog

Stone gargoyle

Crystalians

Non-organic

Mad Pumpkin Heads

Unable to consent due to madness.

Cemetery Shade

Unable to consent due to mind controlling parasite.

Spirit-Caller Snail

Animal

Runebear

Animal

Miranda the Blighted Bloom

A plant

Guardian Golem

Stone gargoyle

Starscourge Radahn:

Unable to consent due to madness

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Elden Beast:

Too catholic.

Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing:

Dick game weak - unironically posts joker memes.

Omenkiller:

Basically a cop.

Necromancer Garris:

Killed his family, not a good husband.

Royal Revenant:

Won't stop screaming (in an unsexy way)

Godrick the Grafted:

Incel - Also all that murder and torture business but mostly the Incel stuff.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

Valiant Gargoyle:

Could probably have sex if it wanted to, but is kinda going through a lot right now. Ya know, that whole "Is made of several corpses mashed together" thing.

Malenia, Blade of Miquella:

Look, I ALSO wanted her to higher up on this list, but let's be honest here. Her body is rotting and falling apart, she just isn't up for sex in her current form. In her prime? She'd be top of the list. She's the daughter of Marika and Radagon, she'd be playing fuck/marry/kill with every warrior who crossed her path. (in that order)

Death Rite Bird:

I think it might be physically capable of sex, but is too busy burning corpses to bother with stuff like that.

Black Blade Kindred:

Same reason as the Valiant Gargoyle but you might have like 2% more of a chance because they are goth.

Maliketh, the Black Blade:

Would normally be a sex god, but is too religious. Probably took a vow about this sort of thing.

Morgott, the Omen King:

You kidding me? This guy has the same energy as a repressed youth pastor. He's gonna be a virgin till the day he dies. The dude sided with the same religious order that locked him a sewer and tried to kill him. He's not out there getting phone numbers he's too busy praying and judging others for their 'impure thoughts'.

Draconic Tree Sentinel:

Married to his job, also physically chained to his horse. He ain't taking off that armor anytime soon.

Wormface:

Too sad, leave him alone his face is full of worms.

Tree Sentinel:

Same as the Draconic Tree Sentinel but he's a tiny bit more naive so you might have a better chance.

Elder Dragon Greyoll:

Too sleepy, but still kinda a milf.

Grafted Scion:

There might be some genitals in there somewhere but I don't think they know how or even want to use them.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

Esgar, Priest of Blood:

No sense of hygiene, is always covered in blood (in an unsexy way)

Mohg, Lord of Blood:

This loser is dripping with all the least sexy bodily fluids and he has sharp horns sticking out of him. Even if you got him in bed you'd only enjoy like 5% of it. Plus you just know he'd be all needy afterwards and try to get you to join his MLM.

Borealis the Freezing Fog:

Too cold, not a snuggler.

Elemer of the Briar:

The armor stays ON during sex.

Kindred of Rot:

It's like all the worst possible aspects of alien biology, it won't be nearly as fun as you hoped.

Sanguine Noble:

Same as all the other Mohg followers, too sticky and too smelly.

Decaying Ekzykes:

He's sick right now, leave him alone.

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree:

I'm sure she'd be a decent lover. Maybe a little overzealous but she'd has good intentions.

Grave Warden Duelist:

I mean these guys are hot and probably fuck like a truck but they are not the most caring lovers, also they are covered in live snakes so there is that.

Night's Cavalry:

If you like goth knights I'm sure they'd be fine.

Onyx Lord:

Their skin probably feels like stone, but I bet they can pull off all sorts of freaky zero-g sex stuff if you ask them.

Alabaster Lord:

Same as the Onyx Lord but slightly more goth.

Fell Twins:

Once you get past the horns and stuff I bet the Omens are actually pretty good in bed, just watch out.

Demi-Human Queens:

I feel like all Demi-humans are pretty good lovers but their biology probably has some unexpected drawbacks.

Stonedigger Troll:

If you can get past the texture and the size I bet they could be decent in bed.

Flying Dragon Greyll:

A surprisingly unsexy dragon, but a dragon is a dragon and still worth at least a one night stand.

Glintstone Dragon Adula:

A dragon willing to kill racist magic users, earns them a few extra points.

Beastman of Farum Azula:

On one hand the Beastmen probably have crazy mating skills, but they are also zombies, which detracts some points for all the decay.

Battlemage Hugues:

Contrary to popular belief, Wizards are not very good at sex. They spend all their time studying instead of partying, at least Hugues is willing to get his hands dirty.

Commander O'Neil:

Seems like a decent guy, but probably won't shut up about his time in the military. Also he is infected with scarlet rot so that might be a mood killer.

Bloodhound Knight Darriwil:

The bloodhound knights are probably pretty wild in bed if you can earn their loyalty, but good luck with that.

Adan, Thief of Fire:

The dude committed heresy, that has to earn him some sexy points.

Soldier of Godrick:

He's a good boy, he's doing his job so throw him a bone.

Flying Dragon Agheel:

One of the first dragons you encounter, so he earns some points for style.

Demi-Human Chief:

Same as the queens, but probably a bit rougher in bed.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

Lichdragon Fortissax:

A much sexier dragon, you know they were hooking up with Godwin. Only loses some points for all the death rot.

Crucible Knight Siluria:

A bit gloomy, but I bet the crucible knights can do all sorts of freaky stuff with their animal body parts.

Mimic Tear:

A slippery liquid shapeshifter, need I say more?

Commander Niall:

A way better guy than O'Niel, plus he just a bit more daddy energy.

Fire Giant:

Once you get past his size, his sadness and the giant fell god of destruction in his chest, I bet he's got something going on.

Ancient Hero of Zamor:

Gives me Hercules/Amazonian vibes, I could be into it.

Cleanrot Knight:

Lesbian activities detected.

Crucible Knight:

These guys have tails, horns, wings and big old throat sacks. Imagine the possibilities.

Glintstone Dragon Smarag:

Has a sword. If you hear "Dragon holding a sword" and your pants aren't already off, we can't be friends.

Bols, Carian Knight:

He seems like a good boy.

Scaly Misbegotten:

I feel like the Misbegotten have some really interesting possibilities with their animal biology. I bet they have bonobo type societies and that could be fun.

Leonine Misbegotten:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Misbegotten Warrior:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

Crucible Knight Ordovis:

Has all the desirable traits of a Crucible Knight but I also imagine they are super into threesomes.

Perfumer Tricia:

She seems really nice, and would be a super attentive lover. Plus she probably has access to crazy drugs and could hook you up.

Nox Swordstress & Nox Priest:

You just know that the Nox were getting up to crazy hot and crazy unethical experiments in their underground cities. These two probably get up to some wild shit and they are inviting you to join them.

Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon:

As she is now, I bet she'd be too sad to really be in a relationship again. But she kept up with Radagon and you just know she has some tricks up her sleeves that could make you abandon the golden order.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

Dragonlord Placidusax:

Has two male heads and three female heads, imagine...

Ancient Dragon Lansseax:

Formed a whole freaky dragon/human cult and you just know they got into some eyes-wide-shut orgies behind those doors.

Godfrey, First Elden Lord (Hoarah Loux):

We all knew he'd be this high on the list. He was just a normal dude but he managed to keep pace with Queen Marika (Who is basically a goddess of fertility) for a good long while. He will fold you in half (on the battlefield and in the bedroom.)

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

Radagon of the Golden Order:

He sucks in all the worst ways, but I mean... You can't NOT. Both Radagon and Marika are the embodiment of evil but they managed to suck and fuck their way across an entire continent for generations. You HAVE to give a try at least once.

Godskin Duo:

Oh my god will it be awful with all those flayed human skins, but you know you are still gonna have to. They can stretch and do all sorts of freaky stuff with their bodies, plus they kill gods and nothing is sexier than heresy.

Vyke, Knight of the Roundtable:

The dude is a mad killer but... he can still probably get it, might as well give it a try.

God-Devouring Serpent / Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy:

Personally I wouldn't, he's a loser and will probably kill you. But he is also a giant snake made up of squirming hands doing all sorts of sexual experiments, I can't blame you if you want to give it a taste.

Black Knife Assassin:

They committed a whole lot of treason but the power of armored lesbians is too hard to resist.

Patches:

If you are already having sex with from software characters, you gotta give Patches at least one attempt. When you wake up he'll have robbed you, but you knew what you were getting into.

[slavonicrhapsody]

Something I noticed about the, um... The Big Snake Club showing the snake devouring the world that Bernahl uses.

It looks like there's a bunch of hands holding the earth, as if offering the world to the snake!

totally!! I love your interpretation that the hands are offering the world to the serpent; I think that’s exactly what the weapon is meant to be depicting:

“Scepter in the shape of a serpent devouring the world. This weapon will one day become the very symbol of the Lord of Blasphemy. One of the legendary armaments. A vision of the future briefly seen by Rykard in his final moments before being devoured by the great serpent.”

in my weapons of Mt. Gelmir post I theorized that the Devourer’s Scepter was not something Rykard had made, but something that originated from the ancient cult that worshipped the serpent as a god. I believe the serpent cult were the ones who originally prophesied that the serpent would one day devour the world, a prophecy that Rykard himself glimpsed in his last moments, and that they were working to grow the serpent’s power by feeding it blood sacrifices (as seen in the Serpent God’s Curved Sword) until it was large enough to literally eat the world. so the hands depicted in the weapon can be seen as the cult members offering the serpent the greatest sacrifice of all.

[wanderingmausoleum]

A FRESH OFFERING TO GRAFT!

[3d-bear]

My Dark Souls Rankings (The True List)

Elden Ring (a perfect creation, resplendent)

Bloodborne (scream buffet for the eyes and ears)

Dark Souls 1 (first half slaps ass, 2nd half is the ass being slapped)

Demon's Souls ( the original girlie who's still got it 💅)

Dark Souls 2 (they're trying so so hard and i got to give it to em)

Dark Souls 3 (i hope who ever came up with 3 phase boss battles a very destroyed by lasers)

Sekiro (playing this game is like eating a sandwich coated in sand)

[izunias-meme-hole]

My Definitive Top 10 Favorite Characters 

Number 1. Sauron (Lord of The Rings) - The Original Dark Lord. A fallen being of great power, obsessed with order. The enemy army is his army, Mordor is his kingdom, the Nazgul are his servants, the One Ring is his power source fueled by a fragment of his own soul that tempts and corrupts all who bear it, his eye shines its malevolent gaze upon the world with the intent of ravaging and conquering all that it can see, and the entire story is caused by his machinations. Whenever I look back at Sauron as a villain and character, I end up remembering why he is as infamous as he is. A great villain sometimes can just be a genuinely terrifying presence.

Number 2. Ganon (Legend of Zelda) - Honestly after so many years, Ganon still holds up as a villain. Ganondorf Dragmire was the biproduct of a curse created by Demise to ensure that his hate is reincarnated just so he can destroy Link and Zelda’s descendants, and Ganon himself was born as the only male in a desert that belonged tribe to warrior women known as The Gerudo, eventually ending up as their king thanks to Gerudo traditions. Ganon had a huge presence in Ocarina of Time, manipulating you into locating the Triforce and immediately took over Hyrule during your time skip. In Hyrule Warriors, Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, and A Link To The Past, he adapts in some form either that be because of genuine character development, an ego increase, or a desire for revenge. However in Breath of the Wild, the end of all three timelines, we think that he fully succumbs to Demise’s curse and became a being of pure hate known as Calamity Ganon, who basically almost destroyed Hyrule 100 years ago. Then in Tears of The Kingdom we learn about his first incarnation, the ambitious Gerudo turned Demon King that ravaged ancient Hyrule and got sealed away for generations under Hyrule Castle, who came back to life 5 years after Calamity Ganon was beaten, and tried to turn Hyrule into a hellscape where only the strong can thrive. This exact same incarnation of Ganondorf was also behind Calamity Ganon! Overall, Ganon is a surprisingly versatile and interesting take on a evil king, combining power with intellect, tragedy, anger, class, savagery, inevitability, arrogance, and pure EVIL which is why he’s one of the greatest villains in gaming history and fiction in general.

Number 3. Sephiroth (Final Fantasy) - Sephiroth is one of the hardest bosses in gaming and a genuine horror villain. He is a tragic monster born from science, and a loyal “son” fo his alien mother, Jenova, but he’s still scary as hell thanks to his god complex, unlimited strength, ethereal vibes, years of experience, his ability to live off of pure spite just so he can make the lives of his enemies (and Cloud) complete hell. His appearance in of itself is creepy due to how beautiful, yet unsettling it is, thanks to his silver hair, green snake-like eyes, and perfect physique which is complimented by a black coat. However the most dangerous things about him are that he’s completely delusional, his strength is unmatched, and just how far he’s willing to go to distort other peoples sense reality, specifically Cloud’s sense of reality. Sephiroth a tragic character and a phenomenal villain.

Number 4. Malenia (Elden Ring) - A masterfully done example of a SUPER TOUGH optional boss in my opinion, with a decent character that ties to the history of the world and backs up said in-game difficulty to boot. Also the concept of someone being that goddamn sickly yet still being so undeniably persistent, powerful, and near-invincible is intriguing and cool, and it's executed very well in her case. That and I like how she's basically her little brother's, Miquella's, biggest supporter, so bonus points for that.

Number 5. Ozai (Avatar) - This guy... oh HOOoo this guy. Fire Lord Ozai, in my personal opinion, is the best villain in any animated series, one of the worst father's in fiction, the perfect representation fascism, imperialism, and a prime example of what makes a dictator. Ozai grew up as the prince of an empire, alongside his older brother Iroh, but unlike his brother who was praised by their father and became a war hero in the eyes of the Fire Nation, Ozai was often dismissed and had plans to achieve more power and eternal glory through more shadier means. Eventually, he married the descendant of Avatar Roku, Ursa, and sired two children, a boy and a girl. The boy was named Zuko, a good natured lad who was a total "failure" from his perspective, and the girl was named Azula, who was considered a prodigy, and in her father's eyes she was a perfect extension of his influence. Eventually, Ozai assassinated his father and took the throne after Iroh lost his own kid and took some time to himself, which resulted in Ozai becoming Fire Lord. During his tenure as Fire Lord, he consistently makes his predecessors look like saints and babies. In addition to continuing the idea of taking over the Earth Kingdom, this bastard authorized more genocides, has encouraged more admirals and generals to make the men under their command into cannon fodder, fought his own son for questioning one of his generals and burned half his face off, tried to have his brother and son killed, tried to commit genocide against the Earth Kingdom after taking it over, and so much more. And all of this stems from two simple things. A belief that he's deserving of all the power, glory, respect, and fear on the planet because he's the descendant of a powerful emperor, and the fact that he's a small man without that power. Ozai is far from a complex character, but that doesn't stop him from being a great villain.

Number 6. Cell (Dragon Ball) - Cell is a Perfect villain. He’s got the traits of 3 main villains (Piccolo, Vegeta, & Frieza), along with some Goku elements in the mix, and it makes sense when you remember that he’s an android with the cells of the universes strongest fighters. Also he’s got the ability to absorb people, can perfectly copy techniques that would take years to learn, has quite the suave and charming personality in his perfect form, is extremely funny and snarky sometimes, is terrifying a lot of the time, and overall Cell was designed to be the endgame villain of Z, before Toriyama was asked to write the Buu Saga. Not only that, but he's got a surprising amount of psychological depth too for what is basically a pure evil killer bio-android made from the Cells of many different warriors, which makes him a full reflection and deconstruction of how Toriyama wrote his previous villains. In short, Cell WAS the final boss of the main campaign of the series until the Buu Saga and the continuous milking of the series. In short, Cell was, and still is, the PERFECT Dragon Ball villain from start to finish in terms of concept and execution.

Number 7. Bowser (Super Mario Bros) -Bowser is a genuinely great villain who is both versatile and fun as hell. Sure, there are a crapton of underrated villains in the Mario series, but no matter what you cannot really hate this guy. He’s a giant fire breathing turtle-dragon who’s a evil king, but he’s also a meathead, arrogant as hell, has very cool boss fights, is a surprisingly good father to his kids, an amazing protagonist and ally, as shown in games like the Paper Mario Series, and Mario & Luigi Series, occasionally scary as shit, not to mention he’s one of the more likable villains in gaming. Also let's not forget how terrifying he is in Mario Party with his friendship destroying mini games and mechanics. So yeah, Bowser’s a cool character and fun villain. He’s also my Smash Bros main.

Number 8. Griffith (Berserk) - COMPLETE. MONSTER. I jest, but in all seriousness Griffith is just the worst, even before he went full villain yet his downfall is still somewhat pitiable. A boy who grew up with nothing and rose from nothing with only his wits and charisma. Funnily enough, he could even be considered as sympathetic at certain points before his descent, despite how selfish he was. His entire character, and pursuit of a dream fits so well with the themes of identity, free will, and dreams, and overall he COULD'VE been better. Alas, Griffith was willing to go to dark places to fulfill his ambitions, and not only did things eventually go wrong, at his lowest point he willingly plunged himself into the darkest place imaginable in order to achieve his dream, and he did so without any regrets, becoming a complete and utter monster in the process. I hate this man, yet I still see how pathetic he is to the point where I pretty much pity him.

Number 9. Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts) -This guy is to this day one of the best Disney villains ever. Xemnas is the nobody of the Seeker of Darkness, Ansem, his husk given sentience, an entity that can feels nothing and wasn’t meant to exist, yet he’s quite the specimen and one of the most consistent character in the series. He’s a very sinister figure due to his nature, the fact that he’s a special nobody like Roxas, his inability to feel emotion, and his belief that negative emotions are what give the heart power, but at the same time you somehow manage to feel pity for him because of these things. While what he does is his own choice, you can clearly see that while he’s a different entity from his human self, he still chooses to go in that hollow shadow because it’s in his own nature, and it ended up being his downfall. That and his boss was truly a test of your skills. TL;DR: Xemnas is amazing.

Number 10. The Joker (Batman) - If there's one good thing about nostalgia, it help you remember certain things, and if you end up looking at the very thing you're nostalgic about from an analytical sense, you can end up figuring out for yourself if this gem from your childhood was good or bad. How does this relate to The Joker? Well The Joker is a bright, colorful, exuberant and funny clown, something that's supposed to bring joy and laughter to others, yet he is a nihilistic, psychopathic criminal whose only goal in life is to spread death, destruction and chaos through Gotham City in the most creative way possible because that's what brings him joy and laughter. He's a perfect contrast to Batman himself, who looks like an actual demon, yet chooses to protect the innocent. An amazing take of the Clown Prince of Crime requires menace, genuine comedy, a lack of care for life, a passion for what he does, and good writing. A prime example of a great Joker is shown in Batman: The Animated Series, a show that actually is worthy of being as fondly remembered as it is. The B:TAS crew understood the assignment and provided the definitive iteration of the character, completely inspired by his early comic appearances, with Mark Hamill's iconic voice for the character being the cherry on top. Despite all of the flaws in the Batman series over the past 100 years, the villains are unironically a compelling element of it all. Though despite the diversity of the entire rouges gallery, a well done Joker remains a perfect archenemy.

[drawfee-quot3s]

baLto fought a freakin beAR

well have you seen what blaidd fought?? blaidd fought radahn! starscourge radahn, who stopped the stars! with the power of his magic!

yea, and the wolf from bad guys got a boner in public, and still. pulled off. a heist. Kings, All Of Them

- nathan, jacob, + karina

drawfee extra: ranking things 100% perfectly (and no one gets upset)

[dimitrscu]

one of the most boring and annoying conversations in the souls community is “why are these enemies/bosses trying to kill me??” my god it’s a video game. you are playing a video game

[bramblebrine-art]

rook, mock shadowbound of the black moon.

he postures his own utter helplessness as reserved neutrality, but is unable to fool even himself.

[cuntstable]

rykard is the worst fucking demigod boss in the game btw im so fucking serious actually. like as a character i enjoy him but fuck this like actually fuck this im killing myself in front of tanith. theres no way

[fiddles-ifs]

Which Dark souls 3 Dlc is your favorite aswell as Bosses?.

i personally loved both The Painted World of Ariendal and The Ringed City Dlc's and my favorite bosses are:

1. Soul of Cinder

2. Slave Knight Gael

3. Sister Friede

4. Dancer of The Boreal Valley

5. Aldritch Devourer of Gods

6. Twin princes

7. Nameless King

8. Dark Eater Midir

9. Champion Gravetender

10. Dragon Slayer Armor

11. Abyss Watchers

12. High Lord Wolnir

Favorite DLC was Ashes of Ariandel for the pure massive cunt-serving aesthetic VIBES. You can’t give me cold icy ever-winter worlds pupulated by giant wolves and not expect me to go ham. AND it’s in a cool painting??? Come on.

BOSSES RANKED

1. Abyss Watchers (flair and aesthetic, plus I have a huge soft spot for Artorias and Sif, and also swamps. Watchdogs of Faron is actually my default covenant besides Darkmoon)

2. Sister Friede

3. Dancer of the Boreal Valley (QUEEEEEN I loved fighting her)

4. Aldritch, Devourer of Gods (goop and flair. Deducted points for his attacks being annoying and for munching on my beloved boy Gwyndolin but he still makes the list)

5. Slav(e) Knight Gael

6. Nameless King (HE IS SO SO COOL)

7. Old Demon King

8. Soul of Cinder

9. Darkeater Midir

10. Yhorm the Giant (actually one of the simpler boss fights but he makes the list for being the terminus of my beautiful onion Siegward’s questline)

[butchboromir]

Gritting my teeth. one more week. Until i get to see my cute coworker

[gamesline]

This Sunday, 5/15/2022, 7PM EST. https://www.twitch.tv/vgchoochoo

[v-iv-rusty]

going through some unused text, and it looks like at one point ER might have featured a weapon/armor durability system?

[331208] ! WEAPON BROKEN ! [331209] ! ARMOR AT RISK ! [331210] ! ARMOR BROKEN !

this could potentially be left over text from Dark Souls, since there's already some DS stuff in the ER files (for example, a folder of Judicator Argo voice lines) but it could also just be that they planned to use the same text. There also appears to have been some sort of rank system for coop and invasions:

[331330] FURLED FINGER RANK ADVANCED [331332] DUELIST RANK ADVANCED [331334] BLOODY FINGER RANK ADVANCED [331336] RECUSANT RANK ADVANCED [331338] HUNTER RANK ADVANCED

which is interesting, because as far as I know, nothing like this appeared in any of the DS games. It would have been a completely new mechanic.

[toxapexremade]

i will admit i have eased up a Lot on elden ring and my problems with elden ring as i play through it with sofie. i do think this is because having 2 people has made every single boss a more pleasant experience for myself and i feel like in general ive become a bit more receptive to a lot of things in it by proxy of not feeling awful every time i try to do anything in it because 100% my perception of the game was colored by the fact i did not find a single boss battle fun. but with multiple real people the pressure of their movesets eases up just enough that it doesnt make me feel constantly terrible

[ladyswillmart]

Arlen’s underleveled tour of Caelid is... going. It’s going!

A merchant sold him that bandit mask saying it would help protect against “the dread red cooties”, which may or may not be true, but so far the much bigger and more realistic threats here have been 1.) Bad Routing and 2.) Wandering like a blithering moron directly into Dragons/Giant Crows/???? Lion Things as a result of 1.), and neither seem to be mitigated by the presence of a bandit mask in one’s inventory so 🤷‍♀️

[stannussy]

mmmmhh I love making trans characters that come out of orders that are supposed to be only from just one gender