#Emma is just happy to cuddle up

[emmagail-brainrot]

Movie night

[fbwzoo]

These two have come so far in the past year with their ability to share mom cuddles - well, mostly Emma's ability. Thankfully she has had an easier time warming up to Phoebe than Shilo, but it still took time before she was okay with Phoebe climbing on me for cuddles when Emma was already attached to me.

Not only did they share me for 5-10 minutes, at one point, Emma even nuzzled Phoebe & licked her forehead & ears. 🥹

[peachesofteal]

Light on - single mom/neighbor fic - reader POV - 18+ MDNI Simon Riley/female reader

“Ye dinnae have tae worry.”

Johnny, Simon’s friend, or coworker, you guess, croons to the two of you, happy faced Emma bobbing in his arms. She’s perfectly content with him, her affinity for big strong men clearly grown since knowing Simon, when she took to him like a duck to water.

Still. You’ve never left your baby in the care of a stranger.

Simon, somehow, senses the hesitance. Sees the tepid enthusiasm, a big palm settling at the middle of your back, mouth leaning close to hover above your ear. “If you’re not sure, we can stay in.”

“No!” You settle as quickly as you can after the blurted admission, embarrassment simmering away in your gut. “No, sorry. I trust you... I trust your judgement.” You motion to Johnny, who’s watching you with a serious expression. “I’m sure it will be fine, it’s just-“

“You’ve only ever left her with me.” He finishes for you, and you look up at him, relieved to find soft brown eyes crinkling with understanding, sweetness. The tender affection you’ve come to know so dearly.

“Just that one time and- and she’s so little.” At the same time, she yawns, little chest rising and falling with a big exhale, tiny lids begrudgingly drooping shut. She’s just going to be sleeping anyway. Just go.

Another voice whispers in the back of your mind. One you haven’t heard for quite some time, urging you forward from beyond the light.

Be brave.

Dinner is great. Better than great, even. It’s… wonderful. Perfect. The restaurant is decked out for the holiday, and there are lights of every color strung from the rafters, soft music wafting and weaving through the throng of diners, low light accompanied with candles dotting each table. The food is delicious, aromatic and rich, and both you and Simon eat until you’re complaining of feeling too full, one last glass of wine settling into your veins with a giddy effervescent that makes you giggle just a little bit too much.

“We’re not due back for another hour.” He muses, after the check’s paid and you’re both lingering by the door, his warm hand squeezing yours. “Want to walk?” He motions to the green space across the block, the one that’s got a big tree glowing in the middle, flanked with a residential street all lit up, more lights and decorations shining into the night.

“These houses are pretty.” You murmur, cheek smushed against his bicep, arm wrapped around his like you’re a koala, and he’s your tree. Your shelter.

“You like ‘em?” You take a left, peeling off into the park, steps naturally in stride, and he adjusts, pulling his arm free to wrap it around your shoulder, heart warming in your chest when you feel his lips come down across your head overtop your hat, the touch alone enough to make you feel toasty all the way through your boots.

“Yeah. Always wanted Emma to have a yard, y’know?” You sigh. It’s not out of reach, so much, but everything was easier with two incomes, and before it was just you and her, you felt like the dream was nearly attainable. Nearly there. “One day.” You slow to a stop in front of a tree, it’s long trunk stretching towards the sky, barren branches wrapped in string lights, and turn expectantly, face tilted. Kiss me, you hope your expression tells him. Make me yours.

His mouth covers yours, fiercely, lips parting to work tongues and teeth together, fingers scrabbling across clothing, seeking, touching. You trace along the hem of his shirt, up under his jacket, his skin shivering beneath your touch, muscles tensing, shaking in the night. Your palm splays flat against his ribs, his abs, and you hum into his mouth, thighs pressing together at the feeling of him reacting to your touch. He’s been such a gentleman. So perfect, with you in his bed. He looked away, every time you tried to prance into the room in a too small pair of sleep shorts. He averted his eyes, when you rolled over without a bra on, breasts loose in your sleep t shirt. Even cuddling, waking up together, going to sleep... he was respectful. You wish he was just a little more willing… to be bad.

You tried not to think about the alternative. The idea that he’s seen your stretch marks, and stomach, enough to make you feel a little sick. You’ve been strategic about it, big shirts, hips covered, but what if…

You bury the thoughts. The dread and spiral that feels like circling the drain. The wine makes you feel bold, it makes you feel desperate to know. Does he want this?

“Simon.” You gasp, hardly separating yourself to speak. Instead, you feed your words to him, hoping they’ll sink through, hoping they’ll make sense. “I need- I want you to touch me.” He pulls away, hand cradling your cheek, leveling you with a serious look.

“We don’t have to rush this, sweetheart, I-“

“I’m not rushing.” More tongue. He tastes like the whiskey from dinner, and the tannins of your wine. Like the bread and the oil, rich silky texture, earth and salt exploding in your senses. “I’m ready.” You find his hand, pulling it from your cheek, dipping low to crawl up under the bottom of your sweater, until his knuckles are brushing against the skin of your diaphragm. There’s a sharp intake of breath and then-

His hand folds over the curve of your breast, thumb slipping inside the fabric of your bra, stroking across your nipple. When he feels it, firm against his touch, he groans, pressing closer, his body crowding yours against the tree. The width of his frame shields you, and he drifts low to your skirt, teasing his touch across your lower belly, fingers dipping into the waistband.

“You think you’re ready for me?” He hums in your ear, teeth grazing against the shell. You shudder, soft whine slipping free, and he shifts, hard cock swollen in his jeans, now pressing between your legs, making you throb for him beneath tartan and cotton. “Are you sure, sweetheart?” He slides his hand down, searching beneath your skirt, grazing along the outside of your panties. You close your eyes when his finger slips inside, stroking through where you know you’re ready, where you’re so wet, clit pulsing with desperation for him. He circles your entrance, dipping inside you and then out, stroking over your swollen bud, making you jolt and whimper in his hold. “Fuck.” He breathes.

“Yeah, I’m-“

“You’re soaked for me.” He kisses you, long and deep and furious, still working his finger gently back and forth. “This pussy been wet all night, honey?” Your eyes nearly roll back into your fucking skull, words failing on your tongue.

“Simon… I- yeah.”

“Want me to take you home, take care of you?” He presses deeper, heel of his hand making contact with your clit, thick finger sinking into you, moan swallowed by his mouth. “Think you can be quiet enough so you don’t wake the baby?” He thrusts, pressure grinding upwards, your walls clenching desperately. You nod frantically, but he doesn’t stop, keeps fucking up into you with his finger, bringing you dangerously close to the edge quicker than you ever thought possible.

“Fuck, I-“

“Shhh.” He hushes, mouth wide on your cheek before slotting his lips against yours and pulling free, finger falling away from your body. You watch with wide eyes as he brings it to his lips, slipping it inside to taste you, lashes fluttering like he’s dining on some sort of decadence. “I’ll give what you need sweetheart.” His forehead touches yours. “I’ll give you everything. I promise.” He swears, and something glints in his eyes, something serious, nearly predatory, severe and dedicated, so intense that it makes you shiver.

“Okay.”

[cannellee]

hi cannellee!! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ i have a cute mikey x reader request that you might like.

what if bff girlies emma, hina, and reader build a big nest to have a cute lil girls night together while mikey, draken, and takemichi are at a meeting. and while they’re having a sleepover, their alphas walk in to see their cute omegas all cuddled up next to eachother purring in matching jammies!

🍓anon

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ☆

alpha! mikey x omega! reader

— mikey's reaction to finding his omega sleeping during a sleepover.

my masterlist : ☆

(the idea was soo cute!! though I'm not really proud of what I wrote😭... hope you'll still enjoy it 🍓anon!!)

you, emma and hinata met each other through your boyfriends. however, your friendship grew significantly the more time you spent together waiting for them during their meetings.

at first you would accompany them at night, draken instructing you to stay close to the other while they finished this off. the proximity they urged you to have with the girls, rapidly made you friendly.

to the point that you often hung out just the three of you. sleepovers were a novelty emma convinced you and hinata to try.

you were so excited for your first night with your friends! takemichi dropped hinata off, mikey and draken waving goodbye to their respective omegas.

the moment they left you played a good movie, eating the snacks you made mikey bought for you. you were all cuddled together in a blanket on the floor.

you've decided to build a nest just before ; some pieces of your own clothing were scattered on the soft mattress you found. hinata dropped the few pillows she came with and emma rearranged you guys' safe place before you could all join in.

a great team work you were so proud of. all of your scents were mingled with each other, sweetness everywhere. you felt great and relaxed with your night.

it didn't take long for the three of you to finally fall asleep. with you in the middle, you felt hinata's head on your shoulder and emma hugging your side.

it stayed like this for a while, soft snoring and quiet hums of content. you felt great in each other's company. you cut out any noises that could've possibly bothered you, and solely relied on your nose, inhaling the mix of your sugary scents.

the deep slumber you found yourself in prevented you from hearing the jingle of the keys to the house.

it was late in the night and draken and takemichi had come to collect their omegas, the meeting being over.

draken was the first one to enter the living room, stopping in his tracks before the cute sight. he hushed mikey, who was already chanting your name.

takemichi came in, followed by an equally intrigued mikey. both widened their eyes in surprise before the unexpected scene in front of them.

takemichi felt a rush of affection for the trio, finding amusement in the adorable way you were holding to the other.

mikey stood in the doorway, a gentle smile across his face. his gaze softened as he watched his omega sleeping peacefully amidst the chaos of the sleepover.

takemichi was moved, he didn't think his omega could get any cuter.

the whole room was filled to the brim with happy pheromones and relaxed scents, a few purring here and there from how content you felt.

draken noticed the matching pyjamas, and wonder when any of you put it on because he hadn't seen it the moment they left. it was adorable, he thought.

it was nice to see their girlfriends getting along, it meant a lot, especially for them who were often away at night. they didn't want them to feel like they were getting neglected. knowing you were there for each other reassured them in a way.

mikey took in the serene expression of your face. he stood there, admiring you, his heart swelling at the sight of your curled up form. your breathing was slow and steady, filling the room with a sense of tranquility.

mikey often noticed that, how your presence seemed to always calm others down. no wonder they were hugging you the same way mikey does every night. he feels incredibly at peace when you're there.

the three of you nestled together in a cozy pile of blankets, made your alphas hesitate as to what they should do. your forms, entwined in a heartwarming affection, cracked fond smiles into their faces. they exchanged a knowing glance, the three of them acknowledging how precious of a moment it was.

after a small while, draken lifted emma up, cradling her in his arm and to the cold outside. since they've moved out together, it's always just the two of you at mikey's place. chuckling softly, takemichi also wakes emma up, stealing her from the affection of her two friends. and just like that, they're gone.

you shudder at the loss of warmth and slowy wake up when you feel strong arms lifting you up. you open your eyes to see mikey. you look around you, lost and wonder where emma and hinata are.

"sorry for waking you up baby, go back to sleep"

"and the girls, they left already ?"

"draken and takemichi took them home"

at his words, you nod meekly and allow yourself to drift off a second time, mikey slowly laying you down on your bed.

he tucks you in, pulling you close to him, his scent invading your nose. he was particularly cuddly you thought, although mikey always was one for touchy displays of affection, you noticed he was being more desperate than usual.

he caressed your cheeks carefully, as if touching a porcelain doll. he let you fall asleep, too comfortable in his embrace for you to be able to do anything else. he chose to stay awake a little longer, marveling at how pretty your face looked bathed in the glow of the moon. you always had delicate features mikey couldn't stop looking at.

too lost in the moment, he soon fell asleep to the sound of your breathing, finding solace in you, just like he always did.

[the-prettiest-teardrop]

WORLDS COLLIDE

ii. jealousy

Luke Castellan x gn!reader

Warnings- Abandonment issues, Swearing, Jealousy.

Word count- 1.2k

“So, what cabin are you in Y/N?” One of Luke’s friends asks one morning while you’re all eating breakfast. Since you and Luke started dating, you began hanging out with his friends

“Oh, I’m not in one, I’m unclaimed.” You explain calmly, being unclaimed didn’t really bother you much.

“Sorry, uh I didn’t know.” He replies.

“Nah, it’s cool man, really, plus, means they’re close to me.” Luke speaks up, his hand resting comfortably in yours. Somewhat selfishly, Luke wanted you to stay unclaimed, to stay in the Hermes cabin with him forever. He was scared you’d grow apart once you left his cabin, his abandonment issues reminding him that you didn’t have to stay, you could leave whenever.

You smiled softly after hearing his comment, leaning in to rest your head on his shoulder. “I do like keeping him close, I’m gonna miss him when I get claimed.” You spoke in an almost nostalgic tone, making Luke’s heart seize in his chest.

“We’ll just have to be more sneaky when it comes to cuddling.” He teases lowly, poking your side as he does, earning a laugh from you, and rolled eyed from the others.

“We get that you’re in love and all, but we don’t need to see all that.” One of the boys comments, causing Luke to roll his eyes and you to laugh even harder.

Luke could tell something was up when you went running up to him while he was doing archery, something you’d rarely interrupt.

“Luke! Guess what?” You pant out, stopping in front of him to catch your breathe.

“Baby, baby, breathe, deep breaths, now tell me what’s wrong.” He speaks softly and calmly, placing a gentle hand on the small of your back. He was worried that you had gotten hurt, or something worse.

“I-I- I got claimed!” He didn’t know how to react, he was both excited for you to finally feel like you belong, but he was also so scared of losing you.

“Baby, that's great, what cabin?” He speaks softly, still trying to soothe you, helping you to speak more rationally.

“Cabin 10, Aphrodite.” You say, now much calmer. You had caught your breath and you were smiling up at him.

“Baby, holy shit, that’s amazing!” His panic and fear was taken over by excitement as he lifted you into his arms, spinning you around. He didn’t care who saw, he was so proud, so excited, his partner, child of Aphrodite. He sets you down, kissing your head before pulling you close to him.

“I- I’m kinda scared, to be in a cabin without you.” Your voice was quiet, and his heart dropped at your sad tone. He couldn’t lie, he was a little relieved to hear that you worried, to hear that you needed him.

“It’ll be alright, I promise, and I’ll fight anyone who’s mean to you. Plus, we can cuddle up in those fancy pink sheets.” He smiles as he speaks, trying his best to cheer you up. His smile widens as a small grin appears on your face. “C’mon, lemme see that pretty smile.” He coaxes, lifting your chin up to see your face better. He caresses your cheek when he sees you smile, happy to see it back on your face.

“You promise you’ll come into my cabin so we can sleep together?” You ask, eyes wide as you speak.

“Of course sweetheart, I promise.” Luke sticks out his pinky, hooking it with your’s in a signal of promise.

“I should go set my stuff up, I’ll see you tonight.” With that, he watched you walk off. His heart began to sink, his brain convincing him that you were leaving him like everyone else did.

You were late for dinner. You were never late.

He saw you jogging towards your table after chatting with some girls from your new cabin. Jealousy spiked in his chest, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Everything okay?” He asks, placing a hand on your thigh as you settle beside him.

“Yeah, I just had to talk with Emma and Charlie about getting settled in the bunks, sorry it took so long.”  You apologize, his hand rubs your thigh as you speak in a self-soothing motion.

“It’s alright.” He speaks, but you could hear something in his tone that wasn’t there before.

“What’s wrong baby? You sound like something’s up.” Fuck, he had been caught. He quickly tried to come up with some sort of excuse to keep you from getting worried.

“Um, it’s nothing, let’s talk about this later tonight, okay? I don’t want everyone to hear about this.” He explains lowly, trying to keep from scaring you.

“Alright, that's okay.” You reassure, a hand going to his back to rub soothing circles. Luke was still astonished by the way you seemed to know exactly what he needed and when he needed it.

He stepped into your cabin that night around 9pm, seeing you sitting on the bed with some others, giggling away.

“Oh, my boyfriends, can you give us some time?” You ask them, they nod and walk to their own beds. Luke’s heart flutters as he hears those words, he loved being reminded that he was utterly and entirely yours.

He walks over, kissing your head softly before crawling in bed beside you. One arm wraps around your stomach, the other beneath his head to prop him up. “Hi.” He says, earning a sweet giggle from you as you hear him.

“Hi.” You respond in a tired tone, nuzzling into his neck. His arm once draped around your shoulders moves up to lovingly stroke your hair. “What did you wanna talk about?” You ask softly, your voice a little muffled by his skin.

“Can we wait until everyone is asleep?” He asks, not wanting the whole cabin to hear about his issues.

“Of course, we can just cuddle until then, they all should be out pretty soon.” You explain, and you were right, within about 30 minutes, the cabin was silent.

“Baby, um, this is hard for me to say, so be patient.” Luke explains softly. You move so you can perch your chin on his chest, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Well, uh, you know about some of my issues, right? Like the ones with abandonment?“ He asks, watching as you nod before continuing. "Okay, well, with you being in a different cabin, and us having less activities together now, those issues have kinda been flaring up. I guess I’m just worried you’re gonna leave me, which I know you’d never do, but its what my brain keeps telling me.” He explains, taking a deep breath before giving you a moment to respond.

“I understand that, but know that I love you so, so much, and that I’ll make sure we see each other often, and that we still hang out as much as we can.” Luke’s mind goes blank as you speak, you love him? No one had ever uttered those words so casually to him, never made him feel deserving of love.

“You- you love me?” He questions nervously.“

“Of course, I love you, and I want to make sure that we stay happy and in love.” He was taken aback, unable to believe your words.

“Well- I- I love you too.”

[lives-in-midgard]

Love you

Pairing: Evan Buckley x reader

Summary: After your and Buck's daughter said something cute you decide to surprise him at work.

Word Count: 730

A/N: Hey guys. This is the last one shot from the Buddie-August. I hope you like it!

Divider made by @firefly-graphics

Buddie-August hosted by me and @buckys-wintersoldier

Prompt: with kids

911 Masterlist | Main Masterlist

After you and Buck dated for two years, you became pregnant and now have your beautiful and cute daughter Emma. During your pregnancy Buck was always there for you and protected you even more. He always made sure you were comfortable and not overworked. When Emma was born she began to be the light of your life. Buck loves holding her, cuddling with her and talking to her. She makes you both so happy and you always love to see when she learns something new.

That was one of the reasons why Buck was so sad when he had to go back to work. He was sad that he couldn’t spend as much time with you and Emma anymore and could miss when she does something new. You promised to send him some pictures while he is at work and tell him everything he missed. And when Buck comes back from work, the first thing he does is to kiss and cuddle his little princess. When she started to talk, and her first word was “daddy” Buck was so excited and told everyone. She started saying some random words and making you both laugh which made her laugh too.

Today was one of those days where Buck had a 24 hour shift. He’s been at work since yesterday and is coming back today at the evening. You missed him a lot when he was at work for so long and he missed you, but the good thing is that it means that he has the next two days off and will be at home with you.

The day started as normal as always. Emma woke you up early in the morning, later you had breakfast, then you both went for a walk and Emma took a nap. But then when Emma woke up and you gave her a kiss, she suddenly said something she had never said before.

“love mommy.”

“I love you too honey.” You said excited but then got sad that Buck wasn’t there to hear it.

“Do you want to go to daddy?” You asked and she began to giggle.

“Daddy.”

“Yeah, let’s go see daddy.” You said with a smile and picked her up. You quickly took your bag with everything that you could need and made your way to the car. While driving to the station Emma didn’t stop to say “daddy” because she was so excited.

As you walked into the station your daughter began to giggle because she likes being there and seeing the others. When you walked upstairs and she saw Buck, she immediately said “daddy.” Buck saw you two, began to smile and run over to you.

“Hey my little princess.” He said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, babe.” Buck greeted you and kissed you. Emma made grabby hands and Buck took her with a smile and hugged her.

“Is this my favorite niece.” Chim said as he walked closer, making Emma giggle. The others greeted you as well.

“Wait, is everything okay?” Buck suddenly asked.

“Yeah, we just missed you and Emma wanted to tell you something.” You said with a grin and Buck smiled at you.

“Oh, is that so?” He asked with a smile, but Emma just laid her head on Bucks shoulder. You chuckled and then said.

“Maybe she says it again.” Buck nodded.

“Are you hungry? We were just about to eat.” Bobby asked and you nodded. You all sat down at the table. You sat next to Buck who was holding his daughter in his arms. After eating you talked a while with Eddie and the others.

“Love daddy.” Emma suddenly said and everyone began to smile.

“Aww, I love you too my little princess.” Buck said with a big smile and hugged her.

“I love you so much.” He said again and was so excited.

“Love daddy.” He gave her a few kisses and looked so happy.

“What about me Emma?” Chim asked but she didn’t say anything, and everyone started to laugh.

“Don’t worry, the day will come and she will say it to you too.” Hen said and you chuckled.

You stayed at the station for a while until they were called to an emergency and had to leave. Buck was so happy that you surprised him and can’t wait to come home later and spend more time with you two.

Taglist:

@cevansbaby-dove | @buckys-wintersoldier

@beaubbdoll

[oletus-writer]

Heyy can I have Wu Chang, Mary and Joseph reacting to their s/o giving their mini pet versions more love and affection then them? They think the pets are too cute to not give attention to

Sorry if I made any mistakes English isn’t my first language :)

I do believe I’ve seen people write for Joseph’s pet receiving more attention than him, but here’s my shot at this.

Wu Chang, Mary, and Joseph getting jealous of their mini versions

Warnings: slight jealousy

Xie Bi’an

At first, he thought the fact that you had a mini Wu Chang as your pet was pretty cute, until you began giving it more affection than you gave him.

Of course, he was happy that you were happy, but the bitter pangs of jealousy began creeping up on him.

‘Qin ai de - ah, you’re playing with your pet again... Well, please don’t let me disturb you.’

He wanted to say something else, but left as you hugged the mini Wu Chang to your chest.

He’d plan dates with only you and him (and Wujiu, if you were also dating him) and amp up the sulking if you had brought your pet with you.

‘Ah, I thought I had specified that this date was only for you and me, but you brought it along… it looks like you love it more than me.’ But of course, this was in a joking tone, no matter how he felt.

Expect a lot more of romantic gestures and pampering, as if he was saying ‘I don’t understand why you give the pet more attention than you give me. Look - I can treat you better.’

Fan Wujiu

Unlike Bi’an, he was kind of annoyed that you had a mini version of him. What to cuddle him? Just ask. Want children? Well, that would be quite a conversation. Everything the mini version of him could do, he could do better.

So, when he saw you pampering the pet more than you gave attention to him, he was quite infuriated. Marching towards you, he snatched it from your hands.

‘Give me affection, then I’ll give you back your pet.’

While his directness can be appreciated, sometimes it would be too much. You explained that it was a harmless pet, and that you were comforting it because it was sad you got chaired first.

Hearing this, Wujiu calmed down and stroked the head of the mini him thoughtfully. ‘I did not expect these tiny things to be capable of feeling emotions. How interesting.’

Still, he’d prefer you go to him immediately after matches, especially since you could potentially get injured.

Mary

Sometimes, Mary would get pretty insecure - was she a good girlfriend? There were many other good candidates in the manor, yet you still stuck by her side. She was sure that you would eventually leave her, so seeing a little pet that looked like her to keep you company reassured her a little bit.

That was until you began giving it more affection than you gave her.

She saw an example of this in a match you had with her - you had asked her not to go easy on you, so she obliged, leading you to be chaired. You were comforting the shivering mini Mary, which made the former queen quite displeased.

‘How dare you! You are my lover first, and then the owner of that pet second. Now, as we wait for your teammates to rescue you, shall we have a lovely chat?’

Slightly puzzled, you were rescued by your teammate and Mary continued to chase you.

Be prepared for intense courting, European style, after you finish every match. She can’t stand someone else sweeping you off your feet, even if it’s a mini version of her.

‘Ma chere/mon cher, I had Emma pick the best flowers for you. Now be a dear and let me braid these in your hair/make you a flower crown.’

Joseph

The Frenchies are very similar in how they react to your pet. How lovely of you to have a little remainder of him every where you go! To By God, why are you giving it more attention than you give him?

He’ll also attempt to win your attention by going on more extravagant dates, and all in all spending more time with you.

‘Beau, would you like for me to show you some recipes that… Claude and I used to enjoy? Can you bring your pet? No, I’m afraid it may cause a mess.’

Out of your sight, he’d be rather petty with his mini version. From glaring to knocking if off the table, he’s not going to accept another competitor. Of course, he’d stop if you asked, begrudgingly, but be sure to reassure him that he’ll be the only one in your eyes.

[redroomreflections]

Not Easily Broken Chapter 4

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Natasha and Reader go through a tragic divorce

Masterlist | General Masterlist

4/10

Note: Yes, it's getting finished besties.

W/c: 4.7k (whew!)

“When you are in love and you get hurt, it’s like a cut. It will heal, but there will always be a scar. “ - Soo Jie

When everything else fell away, only one truth remained. You love Natasha. You love her with everything in you. Which is why you’re lying awake in the bed of your hotel room with her inches away from you. You want to reach out and pull her into your arms. You want to kiss all of her fears away and show her how much you love her.

She’s lying on her stomach facing you. Her left hand rests just under her cheek while her right is stretched upward towards the headboard. It’s a habit left over from the Red Room that you hadn’t seen her do in years. Not since you two spent most of your nights together. The first night she slept with you she explained the handcuffs. It was a method Madam B and her other trainers used to ensure the girls of The Red Room wouldn’t attempt to escape in the night. For Natasha, it brought comfort to her during her adult years. Over time she’d ditched the cuffs and settled for cuddling into you.

There were many nights she begged for the cuffs to ensure she wouldn’t harm you after a nightmare. It saddens you to see she may be feeling unsafe or insecure enough to unconsciously need to do it again. You can see the faint tear stains on her cheeks. They’re a harsh reminder of her confession from last night. Her brows are knit together. Does she ever let herself rest?

Everything is hitting you at once and it’s a terrible feeling. You sigh shifting in the bed to get comfortable. You don’t know how long you’ve been awake. Lying here. Thinking. The need to sleep has evaded you. This time of night or morning feels pretty serene all things considered. No one here to talk, no one asking you questions about the latest project, and most of all no one here to lecture you on anything. All you’re left with is your thoughts and the sound of Natasha’s soft snoring next to you.

What time is it exactly? Too early to tell. Usually, you would be out of the office by now but today was an exception. You can feel the exhaustion settled deeply in your bones. It’s a constant tidal wave caused by deep-seated guilt. The darkness of the night no longer comforts you as the sun begins to rise. When was the last time you let yourself sleep in? You peer up at the ceiling. The weight of the world is on your shoulders and you don’t know what to address first. How could you have messed up so badly? How had everything gone to shit so quickly? Would things change between you and Natasha? How did you miss all of her signs that she needed you?

Natasha can assure you many times that she was happy and you still won’t believe it. You swallow thickly as you think about all of the dinners you missed. The recitals and the baseball games. The nights you didn’t come home early enough to put the kids to bed. Natasha did everything on her own while still working. She put the time aside to be there for the kids.

You feel like such a jackass. You became something - someone you promised yourself you’d never be. Ryan and Emma were not an afterthought. They were the sun and the moon. Your world revolved around them and yet you neglected that. You neglected your family and all you want to do is go back.

“You’re thinking too loudly,” Natasha murmurs into her pillow. Your eyes fly to her. You hadn’t realized she was awake. She nuzzles her head into the pillow while taking a deep breath. Her lashes flutter as she opens her eyes. The green is mesmerizing. Natasha looks good even in the mornings.

“I’m sorry,” You find yourself saying. Natasha hums. She lowers her right hand hoping to get the feeling back in her arm as she stretches. The arch of her back catches your attention. She yawns and you wait for her to say something else. Finally, she lifts so that she’s just a bit closer to you. You want nothing more than to pull her into your arms.

“What time is it?” She asks. She can see the sliver of light from the curtains.

“Early,” You shrug. The urge to be near her is harder to ignore. You scoot closer. Natasha is bolder. She always has been. She shifts so that she’s cuddling into you. She nudges your chin with her nose, snuggling into your neck while throwing her left leg over your hips. Her leg settles between yours as she breathes in your scent. She’s wearing the same pajamas from the other night. Which means her bare legs are pressed against yours. The skin-to-skin contact is comforting. She trusts you at this moment to bring her that comfort she so desperately needs.

You’re unsure where to place your hands. Usually, your hands would be placed on her behind. Butt rubs were a thing you liked to give often. Natasha was always a happy recipient. You’re reminded that back then the butt rubs usually ended with sex but you somehow think that won't be appropriate. Other times a butt or back rub was soothing for her and you'd both fall asleep. What if she doesn’t want you to touch her? What if she’s not ready for that? Would sex complicate things? Not that it’s your intention. It’s a weird thought that takes you out of the space until Natasha grips your hand in hers before placing it on the curve of her bottom. She doesn’t seem to have the same reservations that you do. Her hand leaves yours to rest in the space between your breasts.

It’s a stark contrast to the beginning of your relationship where you both had a lot to learn about loving each other and intimacy. Despite her aloof demeanor, Natasha was a big softie. Her love language was physical touch while yours was quality time and affirmations. You worked so well together to fulfill each other's needs. Seems you would have to relearn that.

“I’m yours,” She whispers into your neck.

“Huh?” You ask. You’re almost sure of what she said but you want her to say it again.

“I’m yours,” Natasha lifts herself so that she’s looking into your eyes. “You don’t have to wonder if you should touch me or not.” She emphasizes her words by wiggling her behind into your hand a little more. You almost forget how well she knows you.

“I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” You admit.

“You won't.” She replies. You nod. You’re encouraged by this as you palm her ass more. You’re massaging the firm, round cheek familiarizing yourself with her body again. She lets out an airy and satisfied moan.

“Nat,” You question. She opens her eyes, glancing at your lips, before trailing them up to your eyes again.

“You don’t have to ask to touch me either,” You say. She gives a subtle nod before raising herself so that her lips align with yours. You think she’s about to finally kiss you when she raises her hand to run her thumb across your bottom lip. Her touch is feather-light. You can feel the temperature in the room rise that much more as you simply touch each other. It feels like an eternity as her hands go from tracing your lip to caressing your cheek.

You could feel your heart practically beating out of your chest at this point. It was beating faster and faster until finally, her lips touched yours. It was a quick kiss. Just a gentle pressing of lips before she pulls back. She searches you for any protest before diving in again. She melted in your arms, moaning against your lips, as your touch against her bottom increased. You’d rather walk through fire than lose the feeling of Natasha against you. You don’t realize how much you’ve missed her until now. How much you crave her touch.

Natasha kisses like it's the last time. She kisses like you’re the only person in the world she wants to kiss and it’s true. She moves her knee to change position, unintentionally brushing against your core. You pull away from her lips unable to hide the cry that leaves you. Natasha moves again and this time you know she meant to do it as her thigh pushes into you again. A jolt of arousal courses through you.

“Nat,” You breathe. It’s so much different than earlier. It’s needier. She flexes her thigh again and this time you rock your hips against her. She watches your face for a reaction and you don’t disappoint. Your eyes snap shut as you focus on the feeling of her surrounding you. Your senses were overloaded with Natasha. She kisses you again sliding her tongue into your mouth just as she nudges her knee against your clit. Her left hand travels down your body to find its way under your shirt. She skates her fingers upward until she’s holding your breast in her hands. Her thumb skates across your nipple pulling another moan from your throat. God, you’ve missed this. She pinches the now-hardened bud between her fingers.

Natasha’s lips leave your lips to nip at the juncture where your chin meets your neck. Your moan is louder, more brazen, and indicative of how much you want her. A sign of how much you need her. She abandons her time at your breast to run her fingers across the waistband of your pajama bottoms.

She searches your face, waiting for you to say no, but you only give her an enthusiastic yes. Her fingers push against the barrier of the shorts to find you clean-shaven. You were not expecting sex on this trip. Truly. You just didn’t like to be unprepared. The first feel of Natasha’s calloused fingers parting your lips is pure heaven. Your breath hitches as she glides through your folds. You’re wet. Almost embarrassingly so. Neither of you wants to think about how long it’s been. She knows your body like no other.

She knows little things about you that no one else does. She’s aware of that spot just below your ear that causes shivers up your spine. She knows the way you prefer the tight circles around your clit rather than a direct firm touch. Natasha knows your body and how to tease you just right.

“Is all this for me?” Her lips are pressed against your ear. You frown in frustration as you try to get her to apply more pressure. You nod instead as words slip from your mind. “Would you like me to fuck you?” She asks. Her voice is warm and raspy and so damn hot. She places her index finger on your clit causing your eyes to shut tightly. “Answer me, Lyubov.”

“Yes, Nat, I want you to, shit, I want you to fuck me.” You nod enthusiastically.

“Hmm,” Natasha hums. You’re not sure how this quiet morning escalated so quickly but you aren’t complaining at all. Her fingers circle your entrance collecting your wetness before coming back up to rub your clit again. She returns to your entrance ready to push inside when there’s a knock at the connecting door.

“Mommy?” Natasha pauses looking at you in panic. Did you lock the door?

“Mommy, Ryan, and I are real hungry,” Emma calls through the door. “We’ve been waiting for twelve years.” You can hear her twist the knob. Your daughter was so dramatic. Also quite effective at ruining the mood. You whine as Natasha pulls her fingers out of your shorts.

“Duty calls,” Natasha says as she begins to leave the bed. You reach out for her hand taking the digits that were almost inside you into your mouth. You suck her fingers clean, enjoying the taste of yourself, as Natasha’s eyes widen. She narrows her eyes as she presses her fingers further into your mouth until you gag just slightly. Oh, she fights dirty. Finally, she pulls her fingers away from your mouth with a pop. The frown on your face seems to amuse her as she stands again.

“Mama, Mommy, did you hear me?” Emma calls through the door again.

“Yes, Printsessa, patience,” Natasha calls back. It’s something she often has to tell the little girl. There’s an audible huff from the little girl before she walks away you assume. “She gets that from you,” Natasha informs you as she walks into the bathroom to wash her hands and brush her teeth. You’re not sure you can move right now.

“Me? Absolutely not. I’m very patient.” You fall back into the pillows.

“Really?” Nat peeks her head out of the bathroom door. She eyes you for a second before going back inside. “Are you coming to breakfast with us?”

“Sure, just, let me shower again.” You roll from the bed to land on your feet. Your underwear sticks to your intimate area most uncomfortably. You walk into the bathroom, stepping up to Natasha, as she finishes washing her hands. You grip her hips pressing your own into her. She rubs her ass into your front as you kiss along her neck. Her hands grip the counter to keep her steady. She watches you in the mirror as you nip at her skin. You won’t mark her despite how much you want to. You want her to go home with your markings all over her body. You want Richard and everyone else at the compound to know who she belongs to. It’s a startling passion you haven’t felt in a long while. “Shower with me,” You murmur against her skin. You rock into her and she meets your thrusts.

“We can’t,” Natasha sighs as you cup her breasts through the silk shirt. “We shouldn’t.” Natasha shakes her head. You stop to make eye contact with her in the mirror. You can see the seriousness of her tone. Something’s changed. Despite her arousal, there’s a truth in her words. Should you be having sex right now? Wouldn't that complicate things? You’re not quite sure. Natasha turns in your arms to look at you. She’s apologetic. Almost guilty. “I’m sorry I just… I don’t know what came over me in there but I want us to work through everything first without having sex.” She bites her lip nervously. She’s afraid of your answer. “I’m not saying I don't want to. Soon. Just not now.”

“Of course, yeah.” You nod. You’re a bit disappointed but you understand her stance. It might be what you both need. At least for now. “I’m going to shower.” You tilt your head towards the mentioned. “I promise to keep my hands to myself if you do decide to join.”

“Unfortunately I can’t promise the same thing,” Natasha frowns. “Go, shower, I’ll get the kids dressed and think of a place.” You nod again. She seems like she’s thinking of something before she closes the few inches between you to kiss you again. “I love you.” She says.

“I love you too, Natasha.” You give her another kiss. You step back and wait for her to leave the room. She closes the door behind her with a final glance at you. You let out a harsh deep breath before turning to the shower. This was going to be hard. You’re willing to do whatever it takes.

****************

After wrangling the kids together the first stop of the day is Keke’s Breakfast Cafe. You sit in a booth with Natasha’s thighs touching yours. Ryan and Emma sit on the same bench. You help Emma into her booster seat so that she’s higher than the table. You’re on the outer part near the aisle when the waitress approaches. She’s young, mid-twenties, and has a bright smile. She glances around the table with her eyes ultimately landing on you.

“Hello, I’m Dee, I’ll be your server for today. Can I start you off with drinks?” She pulls out her pen and pad waiting expectantly.

“I’ll have water, the kids will have apple juice, Natasha?” You look over to her.

“I’ll have water too, please.” Natasha answers. Dee takes your drink order and leaves you to look over the menus.

“Can we get whatever we want?” Ryan asks. You help Emma with the menu.

“Yes, whatever you want.” You answer him. He reads the menu with ease.

“Well, I want chocolate chips,” Emma informs you. She points to a picture of the silver dollar pancakes. You nod taking note of her order. She decides on sausages, scrambled eggs, and a side of strawberries. Ryan decides on the same.

“I don’t know what I want,” Natasha shrugs as she searches the menu. “Something light.” She says as you lean over to see what she’s seeing. Despite her words for something light, Natasha decides on the Eggs Benedict with a side of pancakes.

You’re more inclined to choose waffles and then eat off of Natasha’s plate. Dee comes back around in five minutes to take your order. She writes down the notes with interest when you ask her about the pin on her shirt.

“You’re from Brooklyn ?” You ask and she nods. “What has you down here?”

“My grandmother lives here.” Dee shrugs. “I get to live with her and I help take care of her.” You nod in understanding. “I’ve been trying to get a job at Stark Hotels. I heard their night auditor job pays well but until now I’m here. I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” She apologizes.

“No, no, it’s fine.” You wave a hand in dismissal. “I work for Stark Industries and I know a few people over at the hotel.”

“Really?” She asks. You don’t notice her stance but Natasha does. She’s flirting now. She bats her lashes and folds her arms under her chest pushing her breast a bit higher. Natasha’s eyes narrow and she places a possessive hand on your thigh.

“Yes, if you give me your number and full name and a good email to reach you I can forward the manager your name.”The conversation seems innocent enough. Until she directs her next words to Natasha. Dee scribbles all of her info on a blank sheet in her pad while ripping it away. She places it in front of you.

“Your friend is doing me a solid.” Dee smiles at Natasha. Natasha looks around the table and before back to Dee. What about this picture would indicate that you’re just friends.

“Wife,” Natasha corrects her. Your eyes snap to Nat and she squeezes your thigh in return.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just assumed since I didn’t see any rings.” Dee apologizes. “You have such a beautiful family.” Emma steps in this time with a hint of indignation.

“I’m still hungry.” She frowns up at Dee. She’s picked up on the woman’s flirting.

“Oh, right, I’ll get right on that.” Dee smiles down at Emma. “Thank you again.” She scrambles away to the back to put in your order.

Nat’s grip on your thigh loosens as Emma strikes up a conversation about dance. She tells you both about Libby Gibson and how she pulled her pigtails one day in class. You almost tell her to hit the girl back but you know that wouldn’t be a proper response. Violence is never the answer. Right?

“And Mommy, you missed DisneyWorld. I met all of the princesses but not Snow White or the Evil Queen.” Emma frowns.

“Well, I am sorry for missing that. How about we go today ?” You suggest. Emma and Ryan cheer together.

“You don’t have work again?” Ryan asks.

“No, I-I took some time off to spend more time with you guys,”

“And Mama?” Emma adds.

“And Mama,” You confirm. Your hand finds Natasha under the table.

“For real this time? You’re not just tricking us? That would be kind of mean.” Ryan doesn’t smile just yet. His words are innocent but you know there’s hurt behind them.

“I promise, baby, I’m here with you guys.” You tell them.

“Good,” Ryan looks down at the placemat coloring page. He finds the red crayon and occupies himself with staying in the lines.

“I’m glad you’re not mad at us anymore,” Emma begins and you stop her.

“No, baby girl, I was never angry with you.” You’re not quite sure this is a conversation to have in a restaurant but there are not many people in here at this hour.

“But you moved out? And you and Mama weren’t liking each other anymore.” Emma tilts her head in confusion. Dee picks this time to bring the drinks to the table. She sets them in their appropriate place with a smile before leaving you. “I told Mama I could pick up my toys clean my room and eat all of my vegetables. I did that and you didn’t come back. That sounds mad.” She’s blunt you’ll give her that. You also don’t miss the way she blames herself for your absence.

“Come here,” You gesture for her to come around the table. She slides from her seat just as you turn with your legs out towards the aisle. You help her climb into your lap wrapping your arms around her waist. “There is nothing that you did or will do that will make me stop loving you. There’s nothing that you or Ryan did that changes the way I love you. You’re my entire world, baby girl. You should pick up your toys and do all of the other things because you’re supposed to. Not because you think it will make me happy. Which it will be I would never leave you for that. Never.”

“But you have a new apartment all by yourself,” Emma points out. She frowns with tears shining in her eyes.

“I do,” You confirm. “ I know that must hurt for me to not be around as much as I used to. I apologize for being a bad mommy during these times. I know it hurts your feelings. You and Ryan. I’m sorry to both of you.” You glance over at him as he continues to color. You can tell he’s listening to the conversation. “I would like a chance to make it better.” You know truthfully there’s nothing that can take away the hurt.

Emma looks down at her hands and then into your eyes. “Is it bad that I was mad at you?”

“No, you’re allowed to have feelings.” You assure her. “I won’t be mad no matter how you feel. Just because I’m your mom doesn’t mean you always have to be happy with me. Sometimes I do things that will make you mad. You can always tell me.” Emma nods.

“I didn’t like that you made Mama cry,” She whispers almost as if she’s afraid of your reaction. This time she allows her tears to roll down her cheeks. You lift your hands to wipe them away.

“I know baby, I’m doing everything I can to make that up to you, Ryan, and Mama.” She leans into your chest listening to your heartbeat. “I’ll do everything in my power to not let you down.” Emma doesn’t make a move to go back to her seat. You turn to make the both of you more comfortable. “Did you hear that, Ryan? I’m apologizing to you too.” He looks up from the paper to Natasha. She’s been silent this entire time. He seems to be asking her permission to accept your apology.

“You don’t need me to say yes to how you feel.” Natasha reaches her hand across the table to take him in hers.

“Okay,” Ryan’s brow knit together. “I forgive you.” You give him a small smile. This conversation seems to be ending as Dee delivers the food to your table. Emma refuses to leave your lap so you opt to eat with one hand while holding her. She eats her pancakes enthusiastically before sharing her strawberries with you. She plops a few strawberries into your mouth.

“Good, Mommy?” She questions.

“Good, Emma.” You laugh.

She raises her hand to trace your chin with her own. Suddenly she turns your head forcefully to inspect something on your neck.

“What’s this? A bruise?”

Your eyes fly to Natasha’s and she has the decency to look guilty. You hadn’t noticed any hickies when you showered earlier this morning. She hides a smile behind her hand.

“It’s just a rash that I got from Mama.” You explain.

“Mama? How?” Emma tilts her head.

“I’ll let Mama answer that.” You lean back so she can see Natasha much better.

“Curling iron,” Natasha answers easily and Emma doesn’t question it any further.

“You should be more careful next time, Mama.” Emma scolds her.

“Yes, ma’am “ Natasha laughs. “I promise to be more careful when using the curling iron.” She laughs again at the face you’re making.

You’ll find a way to pay her back somehow.

DisneyWorld with the kids turns out to be a good time. You’ve done more walking than you have ever done in a single day as you make sure to hit up everything you can. Even then you’re pretty sure you haven’t seen the entire park. As the day winds down you can see the fussiness from Emma and the fatigue from Ryan. It’s time to head home. You reach a row of classic boardwalk games and suddenly you have an idea.

The first game you approach is a basketball game where you shoot hoops. You pull the five dollars from your pocket to hand to the host.

“Which one do you like?” You ask Natasha. She looks at you questioningly and you encourage her again. “Which one?” She points to the giant stuffed Goofy. No way would she fit that into her carry-on.

You roll your shoulders preparing to start the game. You set out to win only to lose. Badly. You’re not going up and you’re sure you’ve spent more money than you should. Finally, you win the Goofy and press it into Natasha’s arms. The stuffie is practically bigger than her. You wrap your arm around her shoulders as you walk with the kids in front of you towards the exit.

***********

When you make it back to your hotel room everyone is dressed in their pajamas and cuddled into the same bed. Natasha and you are on opposite sides of the bed with the kids between you. Sleep came so easily to them but you’re still awake. You lift to whisper out to her.

“Nat?” She sits up. “Let’s go.” You say as you make your way to the other bedroom. She covers the kids with the blanket before tiptoeing out of the room. The beds are much smaller but you just want to be close. She sits next to you on the edge of the bed.

“What the kids said today about being disappointed in me,” You began. You take a deep breath. “I want to be better. I know coming back home is going to be a long time from now. I want to come home a few times a week for breakfast and maybe dinner. Join you for dance lessons? I know this won’t be fixed overnight but I’m willing to work on it.”

“They’d love that,” She agrees.

There’s a pregnant pause for you to try again.

“I would like if we have some time together too?” Natasha eyes you. She’s still a bit guarded with her heart despite her weekend with you. “Just the two of us.”

“I’d like that,” Natasha smiles. She moves to straddle your lap. Your hands fly to her hips as she pushes you to lie back on the bed.

“I thought you said no sex?” You question between her kisses.

“I did,” She confirms. “Doesn’t mean we can’t make out.” She swipes her tongue across your lip asking for entry and you grant it to her.

“I like the sound of that,” You grin.

This should be fun.

---> next part

[milkcookiekin]

in honor of Valentine’s Day coming up soon and me wanting to write for other fandoms besides phighting, here’s a treat for the zombie of a fandom we call yakusoku no neverland <3

(of course, this is after escaping to the human world!)

Emma would 100% be the type to take you out on a picnic date. she planned out everything, the scenery with the fairy lights wrapped around the trees, the sunset looks perfect, the food tastes delicious, but it also looks so cute and you feel bad for eating it. she reassured you, and she also just has the cutest little smile on her face while you eat peacefully, she’s just really happy to be spending time with you. you guys end up snuggling as you watch the sunset and just talk about your random thoughts together.

Norman would either take you out on a library or a fancy dinner date, he wants the date to be casual, but also not enough to where he looks like he didn’t put much thought into it. throughout the whole date, he’s happily listening to you ramble about your interests and he makes mental notes so he knows what to buy for you later during the date. though, he’s also very shy and nervous, he doesn’t talk that much throughout it all because he just wants to listen to you, and shaking every time you guys touch even the slightest bit.

Ray on the other hand, is much more comfortable with the idea of having the date be as comfy as possible. he decided a nice date at home on a rainy day was his favorite way to spend Valentine’s Day. he doesn’t really make this occasion a big thing, but he does his best to show his affection. he reads to you with a soothing tone as he plays some soft lofi music in the background, but he’s not actually all that interested in the book, he’s more interested in seeing your reactions, especially as the rain helps lull you to sleep, and he smiles softly. you guys end up falling asleep together all cuddled up with each other.

Don would take you to a big theme park, and you guys go on as many rides as possible before the night rolls around. if you’re afraid of heights, then he’ll take you to an arcade instead, and he actually ends up winning you a lot of prizes and gifts, which is exactly what he wanted, because he wanted to impress you, but you reassure him that spending time with him was more than enough, and he swore he felt butterflies in his stomach for the rest of the night. (he ended up not getting any sleep, he just thought about the date the whole night)

Gilda would most definitely take you out shopping, buying clothes and plushies, and overall just having a fun time. she helps you look for outfits and accessories she knows you’ll love, and has you try them on like you’re on a runaway as she’s complimenting you and cheering you on endlessly! if you’re more self-conscious, she’ll hug you and let you know that you’re absolutely gorgeous, and that nothing could ever change that..

(bonus if Gilda almost gets into a fight with a Karen for being “too loud” while she’s cheering you on)

[mvltisstuff]

can you pls write head cannons for dating cam Cameron ( tsitp ) if not it’s fine, thank you so much lovely xx 🩷

cam cameron hcs

i genuinely think cam would be the best boyfriend in the show

he’d def bring you flowers for no reason, just because he wants to make you happy

even though cam doesn’t drink, if you drink too much he would take care of you no matter what

he doesn’t need drugs or alcohol to be the life of the party

karaoke king 👑

he would 100% love to go to the deb ball with you. i feel like he’d get nervous and like freeze when he sees you in a beautiful dress and hair

whenever you two have heart to heart convos, he listens so intently and just takes in every word. he fs loves when people listen to him and his history because he feels trusted

he texts you right at midnight on your birthday

falls asleep first at sleepovers though and wakes up super early

if he threw a party he’d be right behind everyone picking up their trash (emma from h2o vibes)

he would love taylor swift with no shame

his favorite album is red or evermore

was def a 1d stan and freaks out when there’s reunion rumors

he thinks movie nights are the best and always lets you pick the movie

very random but i feel like he’d love going to baseball games like the red sox (same)

has screen time reminders

whenever he cuddles with you he loves to wrap his arms around you and lay his head on your chest

if you work in a cafe or a little shop somewhere he always comes to visit

literally if you forget your lunch he will make another one for you

makes a mean dessert for gatherings

people watcher!! he’s an observer fr

ik he helps his mom do chores and treats her like royalty (as he should 🙌)

he would take his gf to see the barbie movie if it means something to her and bring flowers and candy for them (if my boyfriend ever did this for me i’d marry him)

he loves swimming with you in the pool and his favorite thing to do it make a whirlpool

he would literally spend hours on it if he could

i feel like he has a color coordinated closet

had a crush on jeremiah (jam supremacy)

he loves holding your hand whenever he can

on the boardwalk he just swings your hands and doesn’t let go

he’s always kind to everyone, even if they’re not to him

he’s so passionate and loves talking about his interests

if he’s away on an internship or something he tries to contact you in any way he can, and when he comes back he wants to spend as long as he can with you

i love cam cameron and you should too!!

i’ve never done head cannons before, but i hope these are alright <3 i cant wait to write more fics for him

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

I’m on my knees begging for the Sanzu headcanons! 😭💖

I got some!!!

His katana has a name

Became good friends with Angry, this was mainly due to how much Smiley and Mucho hung out. 

Everytime someone has asked about the scars on his face, he's given a different response as to how they happened.

He also frequently watched Shinichiro working on bikes when he was a kid.

Stole his bike

Has a habit of staring off into space and daydreaming a lot, people always think he's annoyed when he does that

While in tenjiku he kept his hands in his pockets a lot. This was to hide the way he'd clench his fists whenever they mentioned taking Mikey down. 

Didn't feel sad after he killed Mucho but he wasn't happy either. After the adrenaline wore off he felt nothing, just an emptiness. 

When he went to the festival with Senju as kids, they rode the carousel, both pretending to race each other on it.

Wasn't surprised but was also a little hurt when no one came to pick him up from juvie in the first timeline.

Didn't want to join a gang in the good timeline because gangs made him think of Takeomi and he didn't want to be like him.

Visited Shinichiro's grave often, each time promising him that he was looking after Mikey.

While growing up practising his katana was his favourite thing to do since it was one of the only times he got to be free.

During the good timeline he hinted he wanted a pet once. He was thinking like a dog or maybe a cat but Senju got him a hamster. He still ended up loving the little guy

Although he was the first one to teach Senju how to fight, he wasn't the last. After he left Waka and Benkei took over. When he did start teaching her it was only because she wouldn't stop asking him.

Attends all of Mikey's races in the good timeline

Goes to get cheesecake at least once a week with mucho

If he dates someone, one of his favourite things is to take them on bike rides. He doesn't care where they go, he just likes the feeling of them holding onto him.

A part of him was actually regretful after Emma died but he pushed those feelings away, imstead concentrating on Mikey.

Talking of character deaths, he did mourn Baji after he died too. Even visiting his grave often.

When Senju used to cry he used to sing to her to cheer her up.

Is kinda jealous of Baji and how so many animals seem to naturally like him 

Gets headaches a lot (he forgets to drink water)

Got on well with Ryoko (Baji's mum) 

In the good timeline he doen't know how to react to all the fan girls he has from his YouTube career.

Didn't actually hate Kakucho until Kakucho said he always hated him. 

Takemichi and Hina asked him for permission before planning their wedding on his birthday and he said yes. (It was the only day the venue was available for)

Uses an expensive cologne 

When he's cuddling with his partner he likes to stroke their hair

Takes very cold showers

[babyhatesreality]

What if maybe stucky had a day off for the first time in awhile and they planned on spending it w/ reader. She was really looking forward to it. But maybe one of the caregivers asked them to watch their little for the day last minute bc they were called away on a mission. Stucky accidentally ignores reader all day and just really hurts her feelings. Maybe they spoil the other little let them pick the movie and lunch etc. How would they make it up to reader?

-M

Hi M! First off, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH for being so patient. I'm so so sorry it has taken me so long to get to your amazing thoughts and questions. So let's dive in <3

What A Day

Pairing: Daddy!Stucky x little f!reader

Warnings: DDLG (SSC), f! reader, reader is named but name scarcely used, pet names, language, anxiety, very upset Peter (but not at reader), angst, misunderstanding, frustrations, scolding, threat of punishment, tears, fluffity fluff fluff fluff, everything gets worked out in the end because I always need a happy ending.

A/N- not my best writing style, I'm sorry, words are hard right now. But I love you all and want to try to get these requests out for you all, so I hope you like it anyways.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. THIS STORY IS SFW- THE REST OF MY BLOG IS NOT NECESSARILY SO. MINORS DNI. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR MY WORK TO BE STOLEN, COPIED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY OTHER SITE BUT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs are deeply appreciated. 

Today was the day! You were all set to spend the day together, just you and your daddies. You were so excited, you had been looking forward to it for the longest time. You all had tried to plan stuff before this, and something always came up. Every time. But not today! No way, not today!

Until it did.

Tony and Pepper received a very-last-minute summons to the White House to 'discuss some urgent matters' as Pepper put it or bail their asses out, as Tony put it. There was no way they could bring Peter, who was feeling extra little and clingy, so Steve, seeing their panic, volunteered to take him for the day, since you'd all planned on being at home anyways and the rest of the team were out on assignment.

You were a bit disappointed, but Petey was your best friend in the world, so this was going to be fun, right? Well......

When they dropped Peter off, he was definitely in a littler headspace than you had even seen him. He was crying hard in Steve's arms as Tony and Pepper left (both trying their hardest not to well up).

You tried to help, patting him on the leg and offering him Emma Bear or Pipsqueak to hold, but he didn't want either of them and tried to bat your hand away.

This shocked you a bit, but Bucky picked you up and whispered in your ear that Peter just needed a little extra attention right now. You nodded in understanding, and as soon as Bucky set you back down, you set off to your playroom, determined to find things to make him smile.

When you got back though- your arms full of toys and stuffies that you knew he'd like- you were a bit surprised to see both Steve and Bucky on the couch, side by side, comforting and holding Peter. You dropped your toys on the floor, wanting to come be a part of the cuddle party, but the noise scared Peter who started to cry again.

"Baby, you need to be more careful," Steve scolded very gently, knowing you hadn't done it on purpose. "I know you're trying to help, but Peter doesn't like loud noises right now. Please go put your toys back."

You started to protest that you had only picked out toys to be nice, but Bucky cut you off. "Go put 'em up, love, you heard Papa." It was a gentle tone, but you knew better than to try to argue.

Trying to be quiet, you carefully put them back slowly. But every time you came back to the room, you eyed your daddies meaningfully, hoping they'd ask you to be a part of the cuddle party, but they were so focused on keeping the little boy calm that they missed it entirely.

Once you were done, you quietly came over with Pipsqueak, holding him out to Peter, who took him, but turned his face back into Steve's chest. Feeling both frustrated and a little jealous, you said, "You s'posed to say 'tank you'." Peter just whined in reply.

This time, Steve looked at you sternly. "Baby, please don't upset Peter right now. He's feeling very little and needs quiet."

"But he didn't say tank you and you always say I gotta use my manners..."

Bucky picked you up before you caused Peter to start crying again, and started carrying you down the hallway to your playroom. "Listen up, angel, Peter is too young and upset to remember manners right now, and you're being loud when we've asked you to quiet down. Why don't you stay and play in here for a while until Peter is feeling better?" He set you down in the playroom and quickly shut the door before you had a chance to say anything.

You felt like you were being punished, even though you'd never get to stay in your playroom with all your toys when you were actually being punished. But you couldn't help but feel that way. Your daddies weren't spending any time with you now, and your bestie was treating you like you were mean, and it wasn't fair at all.

Bucky came to get you about an hour later for lunch. You were disappointed when you found that lunch was already made, because you loved it when you got to stir the mac and cheese. But when you were eating and Steve started telling Peter what a good job he'd done stirring, you got mad.

You shoved yourself off your chair and got exactly one step away before Bucky picked you up and plopped you back down. "You haven't been excused, little girl," he said a bit sharply, getting tired of your antics. You glowered as once again you were being asked to have manners when Peter didn't have to. Bucky made you sit there until all your lunch was eaten, which was well after Peter and Steve finished theirs and left to go watch a movie together.

You got even angrier when they picked a different movie than the one that you all were supposed to watch today, but you were still stuck in your dumb chair and couldn't do anything about it. Bucky had to threaten you with a time out and early bedtime before you finally finished eating. And once you did, he gave you a little talking-to about your attitude before taking your hand and bringing you over to the couch to watch the movie with them.

What you saw when you got there stopped you cold.

Steve had wrapped Peter up in your special yellow weighted blanket. Now, normally this wouldn't be a big deal, as you always wanted to share with your bestie, but this was YOUR special blanket for when you were feeling upset or overstimulated or needed comfort- and right now, you were definitely feeling all three.

"Dat's my special blanket," you said, pointing and mumbling. You didn't want to be loud or 'keep having an attitude', but this was just too much.

The look of disappointment in Steve's eyes hurt your heart. "Honey, we share in this house," he said, making you feel even worse. "You know that."

You couldn't stop the tears from overflowing at this point. "I alweady gave him my whole day!" you sobbed, before turning around and running to your room. You didn't slam your door- you'd only get in more trouble- but you pushed it mostly shut before diving into your stuffies, pulling Jellybean in close, and continuing to sob.

You heard a soft knock on your door a few moments later. "Baby, it's Daddy. May I come in please?" You only buried yourself deeper into your furry friends, afraid that Daddy was going to scold you again.

Bucky slowly opened the door, and his heart shattered at seeing you crying into all your stuffed animals. "I'm gonna come in, okay?" he added softly, stepping forward gently. If you really didn't want him in there, he would leave, but as you gave no indication one way or the other, he came in quietly and sat on the foot of your bed.

Once your tears and sobs slowed down, you risked a peek at Daddy in between Jellybean's soft fluffy ears. His face broke into a sad smile once he saw your red eyes. "Hey there, Trouble," he said gently. "Can Daddy hold you please?"

You didn't want another talking-to about your attitude, so you obediently pushed yourself up and crawled over to him. But when he pulled you onto his lap and cuddled you to his chest, like he did when he was comforting you, you suddenly realized that you weren't in trouble- that he really did want to just hold you. And the tears started all over again.

Bucky just held on, rocking you gently, rubbing your back, squeezing you tight when the tears turned into sobs, pressing soft kisses onto the top of your head. Once you cried yourself out, he plucked a tissue from the bedside table and held it to your face so you could blow. He mopped you up, still cuddling you all the while. "I'm really sorry you didn't get your day with us, Trouble," he said softly. "And I'm sorry that Papa and I were so focused on Peter and didn't see how upset you were. We weren't very nice to you today, were we?"

Sniffing mightily, you rubbed your nose with the back of your hand, resting your tired and aching head on Daddy's chest. "You was twying to help Petey. I sowwy I was bad and loud and mean," you mumbled.

"Baby, you were NOT bad or mean. You were loud, but that's just you- and we like you that way," Bucky said, finally grinning, which made you giggle. "I know that you were trying to help, and I'm sorry that I didn't have the patience to see that, and that we left you on your own today when we were trying to take care of Peter. So how about this? You and I can take some R&R together right now, just you and me, and then we can figure out everything else afterwards?"

Absolutely exhausted, you just nodded, falling asleep in Daddy's arms before he could even lay you down. And true to his word, he stayed with you for your whole nap, cuddling you and running his fingers through your hair.

After you all had naps, Peter was feeling much better, and the four of you played legos and dinosaurs in the living room until Tony and Pepper came home. It was a relief to Bucky and Steve, who had quietly worried that this was going to mess up Peter's and your friendship. But as always, after a good nap, things seemed brighter and you both were back to the giggling troublemakers you usually were, playing happily and noisily until Peter went home.

After you all had eaten supper, Papa cuddled you on his lap, apologizing too, and the three of you had a really good talk (with you still in younger space) about all of you feeling jealously, frustrations, and angry feelings, and being safe to calmly tell each other. They also helped work out some hand signals for you in case you went non-verbal or couldn't find the right words to tell them how you were feeling. You felt like a much happier baby after new ways to help you express yourself, and gleefully accepted Papa's cuddles all night (since Daddy had gotten them all to himself during nap time, he argued it was his turn).

The next day, Fury had blocked every single message to your daddies as well as access to your floor (barring emergency protocols, but ya know) making sure that you all truly had the whole day to yourselves. Daddy made your favorite cinnamon and sugar french toast for breakfast, which he fed to you bite by bite while you wiggled with energy.

The three of you went to your favorite quiet park out of the city, where you joyfully screamed down the slide, scrambled up the net ladder, giggled rocking back and forth on the bouncy animals, and had a contest with your daddies to see who could swing you the highest. THAT was the best.

You had a picnic lunch and had a blast bouncing back and forth between your daddies, insisting on feeding them blueberries one at a time. For some reason, that absolutely tickled you to no end, and you ended up laughing your head off the entire time. You fell asleep in your seat on the way home, and woke up in your bed. You found your daddies and the three of you drew pictures and colored together, then made a blanket fort in the living room for later.

Papa let you help him make dinner, and while it wasn't stirring- mac-and-cheese, it was still really fun. And then they both surprised you with being able to make a batch of your favorites- chocolate chip cookies! Right after the cookies cooled just enough, you FINALLY got to watch your movie, snuggled in between the two of them in your blanket fort, munching on the delicious treats.

Papa gave you a bath, letting you pick out both bubbles and a bath bomb, and Daddy put on your lotion and helped you pick out jammies and your nighttime books. You fell asleep in the crook of Bucky's arm, safe and warm, the three of you now more bonded than ever.

[napakmahal]

Elegant like Emma D’Arcy

This may or may not be my personal love for aquiline noses and the fact I love that they chose to give Tadashi a more noticeable nose shape. 🤍

You and Tadashi we just having a well-deserved quiet night in. Finals were over and winter break had started. The seaters came out, and the books went away for four weeks. A little upsetting that San Fransokyo was not the place to go if you wanted to experience snow, all they got was rain and on occasion: hail. But the overly cold chill in the air and the light sprinkle of icey waters falling from the grey skies justified the cuddling. You were on your stomach, one leg was tossed over Tadashi’s torso with your face smushed against his chest. His laptop was resting on his nightstand, playing some crappy Christmas hallmark movie about the cliche big-city girl and flannel-wearing, small-town boy. There were so many of those with covers that looked nearly identical that neither of you could name the movie without looking at the title.

“Do you think there are really people like that?” You asked, your voice slightly mushed.

With a decent amount of vocal fry your boyfriend answered, “Like what?”

“People that would just straight up dip from their high-paying jobs and comfy lives just because they met someone.”

Shrugging as much as he could. “I’m sure of it. Plus it’s kind of romantic. No?”

“Pfft,” You scoffed. “I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure that counts as some form of self-sabotage.”

“What?” Tadashi smiled down at your head. “You wouldn’t quit a job or leave your city for me?”

“No way would you let me.”

That made them both laugh because it was true. Tadashi wanted nothing but the best for you, and leaving everything or any opportunity at all would cause a riff between you. He didn’t like the idea of being the guy that might have indirectly guilt-tripped you into not living to your full potential. Nor did he like the idea of you being miserable because you stayed or left. He is the embodiment of the scene where Jess from Gilmore Girls gets angry at Rory for dropping out of Yale.

“Why? Would you just give up everything just for me?” She raised her eyebrows up at him.

He had to think about that for a moment. Part of the reason you loved him so much was because of his dedication to the people he loved. It was his core moral that he’d carried with him for years on end. “Maybe not everything, but I’d compromise.”

It was almost hypocritical. Just the thought of you quitting or missing out on anything because of him made him want to punch a hole in the wall. Yet when it came to you or anyone else he held in high regard he made so much of an effort to make everyone happy. That’s true love by the way. Watching the happiness of someone you love and finding joy in it despite you maybe not being in the picture.

“That’s not fair.” You groaned into his chest.

The ringing and movement of his chest fluttered against the side of your head. “It is to me.”

“You suck.”

“You suck.”

“You both suck!” Hiro came crashing into the room. The dark circles under his eyes looked more like shopping bags and his skin had grown dry and cracked. He’d just finished taking a three-hour final with a written portion, a matching portion, and in an in-person experiment with stations.

“Hey dude,” Tadashi smiled at his older brother. “How’d it go?”

Instead of answering, Hiro just collapsed onto the floor and for a while, you thought he might have stopped breathing. That fear was soothed by the loud snores of a young teen boy who hadn’t gotten any proper sleep for almost two weeks straight.

“He might drop out after this.” You laughed.

Tadashi’s eyes sprung open like they were going to pop out of his head, “I don’t think so. After all, I did to get him in. No way, I’ll shoot him before he does.”

“Aww, but he’s so tired. “You fake pitied and pouted.

“He has three weeks to rest, he’ll be fine.”

For the next few minutes, the two of you went back to enjoying the heat of the other’s bodies, finding calm in the breathing noises between you two, and after a while, you’d start to tune the movie out. It’s not like it was that interesting anyway. The very generic-looking couple were having some kind of fight about her using him for some big corporation story. Didn’t make much sense and wasn’t that compelling in any way.

Out of boredom, you started drawing invisible shapes into your boyfriends skin with your fingers when you got to his neck and hear his jaw and face. Tadashi’s side profile is so beautiful, especially his nose. Tadashi had a very elegant aquiline nose, with the perfect nose bridge. It fit his face like no other.

You brought your finger up to his face and started grazing the top of his nose bridge, tracing the lines of his face. He’s ethereal.

“What are you doing, hon?” Tadashi pressed his face down and glared down trying to see his own nose.

“I’m admiring your nose.” You admitted, fully focused on the center of his face.

“I can see-er I can feel that. Why?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know. It’s just so pretty.”

“You think my nose is pretty?” He chuckled.

“Mhmm,” You hummed. “Like it suits you so well. Your nose makes you look so elegant. Like Emma D’Arcy.”

Tadashi grabbed your hand gently and pulled it away from his face. Instead, he brought your hand to his lips and started pecking kisses all over your palm, wrist, and parts of your forearms. “Thank you hun, I’m glad you find my nose so elegant.”

“You’re welcome, beautiful boy.” You craned your body forward to peck him on the lips.

Tadashi smiled down at you, “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

[cherie-doll]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DROP NEW KEEGAN HEADCANNONS !!! 🙏🙏

i decided to make a sfw hc alphabet js for keegan!! (the template i used is here.)

hope u like it <33

𓆩♡𓆪 Keegan SFW Alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Lots of casual affection and quiet acts of love. Placing a hand on your back while sharing an umbrella. Laying his head on your lap while on the couch. Anywhere you want to go, he’ll take you. Always has a hair tie (if you have long hair) and a jacket in case you get cold.

When you were dating he’d always walk you to your front door no matter what time of the day or night it was.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a friend, he’d be the type to constantly tease and bother you. Always finding a way to make you laugh and have a good time when you’re over. But he won’t hesitate to call you out on your mistakes or wrongdoings and will give guidance when you need it. (Sort of Mr. Knightley and Emma typa chemistry)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He likes cuddling when in bed. Nudging into the crook of your neck as he returns your ardor with equity.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

At some point, yes. He really does. Keegan isn’t very skilled at cooking other than the basics like eggs and the like. If you have the patience to teach him how to cook you’ll find he’s a fast learner. He is very good at keeping clean after you scolded him once for leaving his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

You’d have to be on the last straw for him to end things. He’d be so desperately hoping there is at least a silver linen of hope between you two. You’re slipping through his fingers and he feels as if it were a mistake. But he values your happiness over his.

With eyes downcast, and heart ready to close he’d start preparing himself to move away from you. He’d tell you late at night, outside in the dark. His heart burns as he starts getting used to the faded feelings.

“I don’t think I’ll ever forget you”

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Keegan isn’t afraid of commitment and he’s not brash about it either. Once you got a some months of dating in, maybe even a year he started bring up marriage or living together. He doesn’t see himself not devoting his life to you after a time of dating.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He has his gentle moments where he cherishes the quintessence of you; you in your purest and crux form. He’ll restrain his ardent love to feel you with the tip of his fingers.

To have someone understand you and your mind is the hardest form of intimacy to perform and is never finalized. You have made a slave of him as he strives to discern you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

In public, no. In private however, yes. He loves spooning you in bed and just coming up behind you at random times of the day to embrace you.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Perhaps shortly after he realized it. He didn’t say it until you looked into his eyes, gazing deeply, beautifully and perhaps a bit strange. He read the same thought in them and the words only seemed to naturally flow.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s not the type to be all over you when there are other people around but he doesn’t like anyone touching you. There is no reason to doubt your loyalty to him as a partner yet he knows how little regard some people can have towards you.

He never looses you in a crowded place so he’ll notice right away when someone has malicious intentions towards you. If he observes that you are not left in peace after turning someone down he’ll silently appear next to you, slide in between you, shielding you and protecting you. And he won’t hesitate to throw hands if he has to.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Lots of soft neck kisses in the morning and at night. Sometimes they’re fluttering like a butterfly kiss but most of the time they’re deep and passionate. He lets his lips linger on your neck a little, in idyllic silence basking in the warmth of your body.

When you’re lying bare in bed, he likes it when you place delicate kisses on his shoulders. Despite his intense kisses he adores your silken touch.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Keegan doesn’t have a paternal impulse within him when he encounters children but he doesn’t hate them either. Perhaps will pat one on the head or will tell them a story if he has to entertain a group of kids.

He’s got more of that cool uncle vibe ngl.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Most mornings he has to leave you a lot sooner than he wishes. But if it’s a slow morning, he wants nothing else than to stay entangled within the sheets with you. Stares, sleepily as the golden haze from the sun enters through the window and casts an aura around you. He’ll ruffle your hair to awaken you, greeting you with softened eyes.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

It doesn’t matter what you want to do because he always falls asleep before you. He’s content if he could just hold or be held by you whilst reading, watching tv on the couch or in bed.

In a moment of tranquility, he yearns for you; his deadly desire. In the silvery-toned light of the moon, he wants nothing more than to be close to you and contented by your caress.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’ll open up slowly, everything at its proper time.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Keegan has the patience to explain things if you’re naive. However, if you show stubbornness and obstinacy he can become annoyed rather quickly.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Most everything you tell him he retains. Even things you don’t remember telling him or haven’t told him. It’s startling almost, how much he picks up on you just off your mannerisms.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Being in the military, he has his slumps and despite his lack of fervor you make him feel better. You hadn’t stopped being passionate, shown resentment or stopped seeing him when he felt he had been neglectful of you or your needs. That’s how he knew you were the one.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Due to him being constantly exposed to cruel human nature, he’s reasonably protective of you. He’s not paranoid when you’re alone but sometimes he can’t shake off that tingling feeling that sharpens his senses and has his body on alert, attentive to his phone in case you call in need of protection.

To him, being protected means being loved. So long as he has you by his side he feels secure and set for life.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He is attentive to detail, never has been dismissive not even in the smallest subject. It doesn’t even have to be on your anniversary or a special date for you to open your front door and find a fresh bouquet of flowers awaiting next to a jewelry box.

Even in everyday things, he’s reminding you of things you said you needed to do or buy and so on.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

His devotion to you can sometimes border on the line of obsession. The thing is you wouldn’t notice. With his stealth and quiet personality it can be difficult to know what intentions lie behind those eyes.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s good looking and he knows it. It’s a good thing at least that he cares how he presents himself to others and he’s not overly self-absorbed either but he knows how he bagged you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yes. That man very much needs you in his life.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Whenever you’re doing laundry he’ll offer to do it himself, he does this so he can smell your clothes before throwing it into the laundry. Why? He’s got a little bit of a thing for smelling.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Keegan would not be able to deal with someone who is careless. That attitude demonstrates a lack of better sense and rationality of which cannot be compatible with his character.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

A heavy sleeper. It’s one of things you bicker over constantly. He tends to clutch whatever is within his grasp and it’s impossible to get out of his death grip. Other times he’ll drape a heavy arm or leg over you and you can forget about getting out of bed until he wakes up.

(to everyone else who has submitted an ask i see them and i am working on them!!)

[cannellee]

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE ☆

୨୧ alpha! draken x omega! reader x omega! emma

— you and emma are both dating and you try everything to court your crush, draken.

cw : reader and emma are flirty ++, the ending is bad

MY MASTERLIST : ☆

you and emma were the oh so coveted omega couple of the town. so unusual for two fragile things like you to actually turn to another omega rather than an alpha who can properly take care of you.

but whatever people could think about the stability of your relationship, the both of you were a happy little pair who wanted nothing more than to stay together.

you thought that none of you would ever come to crave the touch of an alpha, to try and attract one. but here you were, desperately looking for the tall man working at his bike shop.

you met him at emma's house, he's a friend of her brother and comes rather regularly. still, emma never actually took the time to properly talk with him so she didn't really knew what he was like.

but a few weeks prior, when you were waiting for emma to get dressed, draken offered to escort the both of you to your destination. his eyes were filled with nothing but genuine concern and you found the three of you enjoying the conversation upon your walk there.

kind, strong, reliable and respectful. draken was definitely a change. not that you or emma was getting tired of your relationship, but your love was big enough to be shared with an extra person.

you didn't need to have a serious talk together, your mind and desires were so in tunes you knew exactly what the other was thinking. you thought having an alpha by your side wasn't so bad after all.

so you spent most of your days courting him. it was subtle, more like attempts at being friendly and appearing small in hopes to spark his protective instincts.

unexpectedly, draken was hard to get. the lovely mixture of both your vanilla scent and emma's honey one usually made people stop in their tracks and whip their heads into your direction. but draken remained stoic, never flinching when your chest brushed against his big arm just a little too close and emma's hand lingered a while longer on his biceps.

so you decided you had to take things further and got even bolder.

you once mindlessly 'forgot' your sweater over when you had to give him the homework he had missed the day before. your scent was sure to be spreading inside his whole room if he didn't throw it out. but he gave it to you the next day, clothe neatly folded in a bag as if your serious courting gift didn't happen. similarly, emma and you would bake a few of your favourite treats, showing off your cooking skills and handing it to him in a pretty box all cutely tied up with pink ribbons and glitters. he ate all of it and thanked you with a neutral smile, not even hinting that he might be just a tiny bit interested.

draken's self control was insane, making you actually question if he was an alpha for how little response he showed when you nearly drowned him in your sugary sweet pheromones. you swore you once saw his eyebrows twitch but you couldn't say anything else as he left you there right after.

you were so upset he wasn't responding accordingly and emma felt as frustrated as you. "what the hell is so disgusting about us that he won't even look our way", she huffed, cuddling closer to you in your nest, feeling vexed at his lack of reaction.

"don't say that emma! I'm sure with a little more time he'll finally give in", she looked at you unconvinced, but didn't say anything, preferring to let you stay optimistic about it.

and how right you were. it has only been two weeks of intensive courting and draken's patience was running thin. he didn't know how to feel, he didn't know how to react, but most importantly, he didn't know if you were aware of how unusually tempting the both of you were being.

draken knew you were dating, and he respected that. he opted for the role of a guard dog, chasing away people who thought you were easy preys and a real walking fantasy.

draken would've lied if he said seeing his two omega friends so close to him and giving him extra attention didn't flatter him. it made him soften up more than he'd like to admit.

he'd taken the habit of buying you guys food and sweets along with pastries, he had your tastes figured out and couldn't help but worry about whether you took care of yourselves properly.

he knew that was probably disrespectful and he didn't want any of you to know how he felt. he wanted to preserve that precious friendship and for you not to associate him with those lust-driven alphas.

when you invited him over to your house in one ultimate attempt to make him crumble, draken thought he was going to explode.

you guided him inside your nest room, forced him down next to the blankets and plushies – which you drowned in your scents a few minutes before – and proceeded to sit next to him on each side.

you settled on watching a movie after all but begging draken to actually stay over even if your little plumbing problem had been solved by him soon after he arrived. he gulped as he watched the two of you reach for the popcorn bowl you put in his lap, bending over each time you reached for a fist of your favourite treat.

draken kept growing hotter with each passing minutes as, weirdly, problems after problems seemed to arise. first, you mysteriously cut yourself, "draken, my finger hurts a lot. I think you should kiss it better". and emma watches with an amused smile how the big man softly treats your tiny wound, gently blowing on it after putting a bandage on it.

draken feels himself lose his patience even more after emma undresses herself, claiming it's always too hot when there are multiple people in the nest. removing her sweater, she's left with nothing but a tight top which barely covers her tits.

draken's scent is getting stronger and you take that as your first little victory as he always was so composed. you turn to emma who gives you a knowing look and you both agree to try something else. you were ready to risk it all, draken was either gonna accept your courting or your friendship was over !

"draken..." you start, "don't you like us?" the question came out more hesitantly than you expected and you waited for his response.

"... what?" he looks at you with visible confusion.

"oh come on, don't tell us you didn't notice how serious it was for us. it's like you don't even care" the annoyance in emma's voice is quickly replaced by hurt, her omega growing sadder at the rejection of her alpha.

draken felt himself panicking, almost clueless until he finally connects the dots. no wonder you were so clingy and acted this cute with him.

draken didn't know how to feel about having your full attention on him, but your little confession had him weak in the knees.

draken wasn't usually one to be this dumb about such topics. he'd say he's actually rather observant. but your attachment to him had totally been misunderstood, thinking you just liked him as a friend. he had forced himself to the point he tried to keep his distance with you because he didn't want to be a homewrecker, even with how his instincts nearly killed him each time he had to watch you close your door leaving him outside when all he wanted was to join you and take care of you like you deserved.

after the initial confusion, draken was ecstatic, like he had finally accomplished his utmost dream.

"if you don't like us courting you, just say it !"

"w-what? oh no, please don't believe that", he quickly denied your accusations, "I just didn't catch on it, I thought you liked me but not like..."

emma huffed, angry that draken was so slow. he noted both of your frustration and made it his priority to appease you.

"I'm sorry. i didn't mean to upset you. and I... really love you"

god, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders. you looked at emma's sparkling eyes, your own scent growing sweeter by the joy you felt.

you took that as his permission to cuddle so you shimmied closer to him, strong arms falling on the both of you, shielding you like never before.

[callmewrinkles3]

All Too Well - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: Saying goodbye is hard. Saying goodbye to your family without telling them it’s a final goodbye is even harder. But Em has come to terms that Dan doesn’t love her the same way she loves him, and leaving on her own terms will hurt less than being told he’s ending things. March 2022.

Word Count: 12.3k

Warnings: fighting, all the angst this bad boy can carry, lil bit of a dickhead!Dan, running away from your friends, mentions of death, mentions of motorsport crashes and deaths, moving without telling anyone, lying to family, talk of medical procedures, frank talks about what people want to happen if they can’t decide.

A/N: We’ve kept you waiting, but we hope this was worth the wait! This part of our story is what started us on this madcap adventure together, and it’s a lot of what makes our beloved Em Em. Thank you in advance!

Em stared at the two boarding passes in front of her as she sat in the fancy Heathrow lounge, a caramel latte beside them. Heathrow to Dubai, Dubai to Melbourne. More than twenty hours spent on planes to get to Melbourne, to jump into work and get stuck in at the Australian Grand Prix. And it was the last thing she wanted to do.

She should be excited. She should be so happy because she was about to see the boys after over a week apart, she was about to see Dan. She was finally going to get to see the Ricciardos after almost two years apart. But she was dreading it, the memories from Saudi filling her head as she thought. Em forced her attention to the laptop sitting on her knees, emails up and the one she never thought she’d write sitting in the middle of the screen.

SUB: Resignation Letter

From: emmy@.ric3.com

To: blake@.ric3.com

Dear Blake,

Please use this email as my official resignation, effective immediately. I’m sorry that I can’t offer any more notice.

Working with you has been fantastic, and I appreciate everything we’ve gotten to do over the past three years.

Kind regards,

Emma.

Signing it Emma felt wrong. Emma was for Zak Brown and Andreas Sidle. Christian Horner had used it the one time she was introduced to him at Red Bull. She was always Em or Ems now. Except for Dan, she was his Emmy. But that wasn’t going to happen any time soon. Or ever again. If he called her that she thought she might lose the last grip she had on her composure and break.

The email was scheduled and sitting in her outbox to send after the race, and the last thing she did before boarding was reschedule her flight home. Instead of leaving Monday morning with the boys, she was going on Sunday evening. She’d be somewhere over Queensland by the time Blake received the email and the boys would be at least twelve hours behind her. It was enough time to make sure she could be well ahead of them and get away.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. She was supposed to be smiling and laughing, and she was supposed to be in Perth right now cuddling her niblings and laughing with Grace and Joe. Learning to cook yet another family recipe and insisting that she and Dan were just friends. She couldn’t even answer the question honestly if they were friends now.

He’d sent her away. The one thing she begged him not to do, the pinkie promise she’d made him give. The only promise she had ever asked him to keep. Not to stay safe while driving, not to do anything else. Not to leave her alone. The near screaming match they’d had in his drivers room that Blake and Michael had to break up. The way he didn’t even look at her but told Blake to “take Ems to the hotel”. How she had tears streaming down her face as she was escorted through the paddock like she wasn’t supposed to be there.

She still didn’t fully believe that she’d dropped her phone in the car. Em shouldn’t even have been in the car alone with Blake, but Dan insisted she went to the hotel room so she went. She was left there alone in Saudi Arabia, where Dan knew she couldn’t leave the hotel. She stared out the window at the smoke from the rockets, completely alone all night until Michael knocked on her door the following morning and she had to pretend everything was fine.

She’d worked from hospitality and as soon as the race finished she changed her flights to go back to London instead of Perth, making up an excuse. And Dan bought that she was going back for her parents.

“Family stuff.” She’d said when he asked.

“Em, you don’t talk to your family much.” She was folding clothes into her case, the one she’d brought that had her Australia clothes already standing fully packed.

“Yeah, but it’s family. My parents have their thirty fifth wedding anniversary in a few weeks, I’m helping plan it.” Only the last part of her words were a lie and she bit her tongue.

“Everyone wants to see you, they all miss you and they keep asking when you’ll be over. The kids miss you.”

“I’ll see them in Melbourne, Dan. You go, enjoy your time at home with them.”

She’d gotten a car to bring her to the airport and Dan hadn’t even asked a question, just a “text me when you land”. There was no hug, no even quick hand squeeze like they usually did in the Middle East. That’s when she knew whatever they were doing. The nearly four years of sleeping together and pretending they weren’t, of the media wondering who she was and why she was always there, was over.

She’d promised herself that she wasn’t going to catch feelings, that it was just sex. That she could do it. That every time she told Dan “y’know, right?” it was purely platonic. That the slow sex was just them wanting to take their time, nothing else. That she hadn’t murmured to Dan to make love to her in Bahrain when they shouldn’t have even been sharing a room after Grosjean’s crash, when he kissed her and held onto her and whispered that he loved her as he entered her.

Because that was sixteen months ago and nothing had changed. It was never going to change between them. Their fight in Saudi had proven it, and now she had to pretend that everything was fine before she said goodbye to the people she loved for the last time.

She couldn’t keep working with Dan when not sleeping with him. She couldn’t watch him fall for another woman, couldn’t get introduced to more people as “Em, my best friend” anymore. She was his Emmy. He was her Danny. And not getting to love him and be loved by him how she wanted to was going to kill her.

The flights were what she expected, Dan had upgraded her tickets to first class like he always did and she wanted to kill him like she always did. She spent the flights and the layovers organising his calendar for the next three months, tracking his flights and cross checking the sponsor events that had been filled in. Everything up to Hungary was booked and ready to go. She checked her watch when she was halfway to Melbourne, realising that he’d be at the Optus event she was usually on his arm for. She was supposed to be there this year, but she told him to take Michelle instead. All the events around the Australian GP that she always went as his plus one, wearing the star necklace he’d gotten her for her birthday, and the matching earrings that were her Christmas present the same year. Her outfit was usually one he’d bought for her against her protests because “let me spoil you” was how he showed that he cared, and she always wore the gold moon ring on her thumb that matched the sun one she’d bought him for his little finger. Most of her wardrobe and all of her everyday jewellery were presents from Dan. Her life was completely entwined with his, and untangling it all was going to hurt.

Her flight got in at god-awful o’clock that Wednesday morning, she’d lost a full day having left London on the Monday evening, but she walked through Melbourne customs with her suitcase glad to just be through. She’d told everyone she’d get an Uber to the hotel and meet them for breakfast, but instead as soon as she appeared in front of the glowing Melbourne sign two small figures ran to her yelling.

“AUNTIE EMMY YOU’RE HERE YOU’RE HERE!” Em dropped her bags and fell to her knees, arms wide open to pull Isaac and Isabella into her and pressing so many kisses to their curly heads.

“I’m here, I’m here. I missed you both so much. So, so much. I’m so sorry I couldn’t see you, I wanted to see you sooner.” Stupid Western Australia and closed borders and not letting people through. Her eyes began shining as she took in the difference in the two kids, Isaac at least a foot taller and losing the childlike way he’d spoken. Isabella had doubled in size, long hair and a child instead of a toddler the last time she’d seen her in person.

“It’s ok, you’re here now! Nana said you’ll sit with us for ev’rything ‘cept the race? Cause we’ve got two years of birthday and Christmas pressies for you!” Isaac looked so proud, grinning as he took her wheeled carry on and pulled it.

“I can’t wait. Who’re you here with?”

“Grandad Joe! He has our sign, Uncle Mike and Uncle Blake told us we had to use all the glitter. We were gonna wait, but I saw you and I wanted a hug. Is that ok?” He looked almost worried of her response, but she ruffled his hair.

“It’s more than ok. All I wanted was hugs from the two of you.”

Isabella clung to her waist, Em lifting her up with one arm and mentally thanking Michael for the strength training that let her carry the girl and pull her suitcase with her. She looked around to see Joe holding a giant piece of bright orange card, Auntie Emmy written on it in blue and silver glitter. It was the shiniest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and it was coming home with her even with the craft herpes that would infest her suitcase. Joe pulled her into a one armed hug on the side his granddaughter wasn’t monopolising, pushing a kiss to the side of her forehead that made her want to cry.

“We missed you, kiddo. Grace wanted to be here but we couldn’t fit her in the car too, and Dan’s doing media today. You cut it tight to get in.”

“It’s my parents wedding anniversary next week, I’ve been helping. I have to fly out after the race on Sunday.” It was Wednesday, and she could see his face fall as he realised how little time they’d have together.

“We’re spending as much time with you as we can until you go. Those boys get you all year round, we get you for this weekend.”

“That sounds perfect.”

When they made it to the hotel Em was greeted with yet more hugs from Grace, Michelle, and Michelle’s husband Adam. There were tears in everyone’s eyes at the reunion, and the long hug from Grace was the best thing ever and broke her heart at the same time. It was so restorative, so good, but she wasn’t going to get many more of them.

“Dan checked you in, here’s your key. He’s got the room on the other side of you, Blake’s on the other wall, we’re most of our corridor. Do you want to get some sleep and we’ll call you at noon?”

The first thing Em noticed about her room was the adjoining door between her room and Dan’s. She closed the lock gently to make sure she was completely alone. After that she napped fitfully, waking up to knocks on the door and yet more hugs. The day was spent going to the zoo, kids hanging out of her as she swung them around and gave piggybacks, feeling exactly like part of the family. Blake told her to take the day off for jet lag, and she wasn’t complaining.

That evening was filled with fun as the kids clung to her while she pulled out the first of so many presents. Chocolate first so she could see their faces eating proper chocolate rather than the Australian stuff that didn’t melt in the heat. The bag of duty free was quickly eaten between everyone, a movie on tv as she filled everyone in on what she had been doing. It wasn’t until after eight that Dan appeared wearing a suit.

“Ems! I thought you were coming with me tonight?” She looked up from where she’d been half dozing with Isabella curled up against her, taking in her best friend wearing a navy blue suit and white shirt.

“Coming to what? I’m taking today for jet lag. What’s tonight?”

“The AusGP reception. You always come!” Confusion was written all over his face and Em swallowed once, looking at him carefully.

“I said I wasn’t doing anything this year. I have to leave pretty much straight after the race, I don’t have time.”

“Emmy, please.” She hated that she couldn’t resist him when he did that, when her name curled around his accent like that.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” This was the closest they’d ever come to an argument in front of his family. Their eyes were going between them as if watching a tennis match.

“I got you something.”

“Dan, you can’t do that.” It was pointless to argue but she had to try make her point. She couldn’t just do everything because he wanted her to.

“I did. C’mon, it’s three hours and some schmoozing and we can come back so you can go to bed. He did his best impression of puppy dog eyes, lifting Isabella from her. “You want to see Auntie Emmy all glam and pretty, right Is?”

“Yeah! She’s always pretty.”

“You’re very right. I left the dress in your room, Ems. Please?”

“Fine.”

She said her goodbyes and went into her room, making sure the adjoining door was locked before going into shower and change. As she walked into the bathroom she thought she heard the door rattle but ignored it, forcing herself to take time to put herself together.

Years travelling around the world had taught her how to make herself look presentable in very little time, forcing her to learn how to do a blow dry with a hotel hairdryer. It took less than an hour to have hair and makeup perfectly done, a wrap around her shoulders and a pair of heels on her feet. The dress Dan had picked was perfect for her. It was lavender, knee length with a corset top, and her jewellery worked perfectly with it. He had taste when it wasn’t about party shirts. Once she was ready she picked up a clutch and knocked on Dan’s door. He opened the door confused, but ready to go.

“I thought you’d use the adjoining door? It’s why I got us these rooms.”

“I’m tired, Dan. Can we just get this over with?”

The launch was like anything else, an event to deal with. There were speeches and then wandering around the room, Dan’s hand hovering at her lower back but not quite touching her. She smiled as she was introduced as “meet Ems, she’s my best friend and my manager’s assistant who keeps my life on track”, even while her heart was breaking. But she kept her cool, finally managing to break away from Dan for a few minutes to chat to Ted and Natalie from Sky while Dan did the rounds.

“I didn’t know if you’d be here. I was talking to Michael yesterday, he said you weren’t in Perth with them,” Ted remarked as Em looked at the almost empty glass of champagne in his hand.

“Is this going to end up as gossip on the notebook if we talk?” Nat nearly snorted with laughter, Ted shaking his head with a chuckle.

“Nope. I’m drinking so I’m officially off work duties. Unless you have any gossip about things? Anything that I can attribute to an unnamed McLaren source?”

“I don’t work for McLaren, thankfully Zak doesn’t sign my paycheque. But no, I’ve got no gossip. There’s some family stuff happening so I have to head home pretty much as soon as the race is over. But I needed to see everyone, it’s been almost two years and I missed them.”

“Fair.” They chatted about the season so far, studiously ignoring the controversy around the last race, until Dan arrived back to make excuses and get them to leave the party.

“Back to the hotel?”

“You read my mind.”

The car ride back was the most awkward one the two of them had ever done and Em didn’t know what to do. Usually if they were in a car alone together they’d be curled into each other or at least holding hands. But she was on her side of the SUV, Dan was on his, and the hand she’d stretched into the middle as a peace offering was ignored. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do with that. Didn’t want to know, really. All his actions did was solidify that the painful decision she’d reached was the right one. Just because things could be easy didn’t mean they were right.

When they reached their floor in the hotel Dan stopped outside her hotel room as Em waved the keycard at the lock.

“Night, Dan.”

“But I thought…”

“What?” She was sharper than she should have been, but she was jet lagged and tired and heart sore.

“I thought we’d be sharing a room.”

“Your family are two doors down and the kids are here. The chances of at least one of them knocking on my door before I want to get up in the morning are high, and I don’t want to have to explain why we share a bed when we’re not married. Do you?”

“Not particularly.”

“Exactly. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As soon as the hallway door closed behind her she double checked the lock on the adjoining door before flipping over the door lock. If she’d looked out the peephole she would have seen a confused and disappointed Dan standing in the hallway.

The next few days passed in a haze of having the kids around, working, and ignoring Zak. She knew he was the original source of the rumours the year before, he was the one who got Mazepin to start spreading that she was sleeping with all three of her boys. It was her greatest pleasure to get to tell him no, and she did it with joy.

But in between finalising as much as she could before her resignation was sent she had time to wander Melbourne alone. She loved the city. It had always welcomed her in, it was Dan’s home race and the place where she knew everyone adored him. Em wandered around a craft market, finding a jewellery maker who made gold charms and engraved them on the spot. It took her all of ten seconds to buy two and get them put on different coloured leather cords, one each for Isaac and Isabella. The front had a pair of angel wings for each of her angel kids, and the engraving on the back read love you forever, Auntie Emmy. 

Leaving her family behind was going to be the hardest part of this, and she needed to make sure that they knew just how much she loved them. Em was so aware that she was about to be the first adult to choose to walk out of their lives, and she didn’t want to do that. She didn’t want to break their hearts the way hers would break too. She just hoped that when they realised she wasn’t coming back they’d know she wanted to tell them how much she loved them.

Practice and qualifying were shit and she felt her dislike of the team growing even stronger. She didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to deal with the stupid orange team and the way that they were favouring Lando already. Dan was the one who won a race last year, not Lando. He was the one who had proven himself with podiums galore. But they didn’t care.

That night she left the door between their rooms unlocked. Her bags were half packed, her resignation email was scheduled to send and she’d triple checked the timezone on it. Em had spent the last two days hugging everyone as much as she could, surprising Chloe by popping into the Aston garage before a practice and waving to Lance and Seb as she pulled Chloe into a giant hug. Scotty got one too, trying to put the love and care she had for her best friends outside her boys into a hug. There were waves to the people she couldn’t hug because rumours would start, giving Susie a recommendation for the restaurant they all ate at the night before so she and Toto could have a family meal with Jack in privacy. The small things to make sure everyone knew she thought about them and loved them.

Em couldn’t sleep straight away. Nights before races were hard, the crashes she’d watched with her own two eyes usually playing in her head. Dan in Anthoine’s car, Dan in Grosjean’s. Dan in Lewis’s place the year before with no halo. Dan in the rain and a tractor on track. All the ways she knew people had died racing she thought about and she couldn’t deal. Her fear every time Dan slid into his seat in the car was all encompassing but racing was his first love and she could never ask him to stop.

She was about to get up and go down to Michael’s room to ask for some melatonin, but the doorknob between the two rooms rattled and clicked open quietly. Em stayed still as she was, breathing in and out steadily.

Dan slipped into the other side of the bed. If she just opened her eyes she’d be able to see him. If she reached her fingers out slightly she could touch him. It was the first time they’d shared a bed since Bahrain and being just over covid and she wanted him to hold her. Her body was screaming to curl into him and tell him she loves him and she’s his and she doesn’t want him to fall in love with anyone else because she wants him to love her. To choose her over all the models in the world he could have.

She didn’t sleep that night, too aware of his presence in the bed. She could hear his snores but she didn’t dare look up at him, didn’t dare move in case she disturbed him. He needed his sleep the night before a race.

As the morning dawned through crappy hotel curtains she could feel the vibrations from the alarm on his watch, the one he always used to try let her get some extra sleep when he needed to be up early.

Please kiss my forehead. Please, Dan. Please just give me any sign you want me to stay. Don’t leave me again.

Every morning was the same when they shared a bed. He’d delay until the very last minute to stay in the warmth and then kiss her forehead in goodbye. And then he’d leave, not content to get out from there until he made sure she knew he said goodbye.

This time he slid out of the bed without touching her, padding across the still room and going back into his. Em heard the lock slide shut on his side and rolled over, tears filling her eyes.

It hurt so much already, how was she supposed to pretend that everything was fine? How was she supposed to act normal around everyone when she wanted to scream that they were over and nothing would ever be the same again? How could she be okay when she felt like this? 

He’d left her alone. Again. He hadn’t even touched her but he’d slept in her bed and she never thought Dan could be so cruel. She never thought he’d leave her with the barest hint of his scent, that if she hadn’t been awake she wouldn’t have known he was there. The ache spread through her chest and she tried to quiet her sobs but it hurt. It hurt so, so badly.

A cold shower soothed her puffy face, getting rid of some of the usual redness while makeup did the rest. She was dressed in her usual race day gear of shorts, vans, a McLaren polo, and a Dan hat on her head by the time there was a knock on her door, Michael standing there.

“Hey, I’m heading in with Dan and Blake now. He said you’re going in with his family in an hour?” Another cut in her heart. More space between them. But she schooled her face into a smile, hoping Michael would believe everything was fine.

“Yeah. I said I wanted as much time with the kids as possible, it’s fine.  See you there?”

“See you there.”

Michael was a couple of metres away from her when she stepped into the hall, grabbing her room key from the slot just inside the door.

“Michael?” He turned and she half jogged, pulling him into a tight hug.

“What’s this for?”

“Haven’t seen you as much. You know you’re my brother, right? How lucky I am to have you as my family?”

“You’re the most annoying little sister Ems, but you’re my little sister. I’ve missed having you around.”

“Miss you too.”

She watched him walk away as step one of her goodbyes was done. The next was to go to breakfast with everyone and pretend that things were normal for the next few hours until the race was over. She could do it. She had to.

Breakfast with the extended Ricciardo clan was fun, Isabella still clinging to her and Isaac insisting on sitting beside her. She soaked up every moment she got with them, walking out to the car Dan had arranged holding Isabella on her hip.

“That’ll be you in a few years,” Michelle commented as Em struggled with the car seat buckle before getting it right. “The mother, not the cool aunt. We can swap places.”

Another stab to her already mangled heart. “I dunno. Wait and see, but I’m not sure that’s on the cards any time soon.” Considering the only man she wanted to have a child with didn’t want to be with her, it was a no.

You’ll be a good mother, Em. Plus you’ll have loads of family around.” She wanted to scream that she was leaving her family behind for good this afternoon but instead she just smiled tightly. It was too close to home. She couldn’t keep this conversation going. It hurt.

The race matched her mood. The strategy wasn’t good, the car was a tractor, and the oblique team orders to not let Dan try overtake Lando made her want to scream. The team points would be the same, but no. Not for his home race even. The crowd were amazing and let out loud cheers every time the orange car made its way around the circuit, but it wasn’t enough and Em knew it. It hurt. Her last time at a Grand Prix, her last time cheering for the man she was so deeply in love with, and the team and car had let him down again.

The plan was already to delay debrief till Monday so Dan got to spend time with his family, and Em decided to head to the airport nearly immediately. She couldn’t stay any longer. She couldn’t deal with any more hints from Michelle about a niece or nephew in the future, couldn’t listen to Grace or Joe talking about how much they’d missed her. She couldn’t spend more time with Blake and Michael without wanting to break down and tell them that they had changed her life and she wouldn’t make them choose between her and Dan.

Because that was what it came down to. She was the last one in this group that was all united by their love of Daniel Ricciardo. She was the one who loved him so deeply it hurt, the one who loved every single member of the group to the moon and to Saturn. And she loved them so much she couldn’t bear to have them walk away from her. Because that was what would happen.

Her own blood family didn’t choose her. They saw her as a disgrace, as a failure because she was thirty one years old, unmarried and without kids. They didn’t realise that she was the one who kept Dan on schedule, who organised sponsor events and filtered out the crap he and Blake didn’t need to know about. She stopped the balls from falling out of the sky. Because she was just an assistant.

And if the people who gave birth to her wouldn’t choose her, she knew the family she’d built wouldn’t either. She was never the one who was chosen, and she didn’t blame them. She was just Emma. Danny was Dan. She knew who she’d pick if given a quarter of a chance.

She’d just finished packing when the adjoining door opened, Dan walking in already speaking but stopping when he saw the case by the door, her carry on full with the edge of the orange poster getting folded in.

“Where are you going?” His tone was accusatory and she steeled herself for the argument.

“Home.”

“Emmy…”

“Don’t Emmy me, Daniel! You know I have to go back for the anniversary.” She turned to look at him, watching as confusion turned to anger.

“And I also know that’s bullshit. I’ve known you for how many years, Em? You’ve visited your parents twice. Michael was with you one of those times, the visit lasted twenty minutes and even he didn’t have anything nice to say about it. Michael. Who has a good thing to say about almost everyone. So tell me the truth, why are you leaving now? Why not get on the flight with us tomorrow?”

“Because I have to go back.”

“Don’t lie to me Em!” He raised his voice and Em gave as good as she got, staring back at him.

“You want the truth, Dan? All of it?”

“Yes! That’s all I want, it’s all I’ve ever wanted with you.”

She took a deep breath, staring into his brown eyes for the last time, soaking in that even so angry he was so beautiful. She’d had the privilege of sleeping with him for nearly four years, of loving him for three. Whoever got to do that next would be so incredibly lucky.

“You left me alone. The one thing I ever asked of you, the only thing I ever asked you to promise me was to never leave me alone. I begged you. Whatever was going on, whatever was happening with us, please don’t leave me alone. And then there were bombs flying and I watched one explode and you made me get into a car and leave. You made me stay alone, and you didn’t come back to me that night. I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t know if you were even alive because I didn’t have my fucking phone until the next morning and all the news was in Arabic. You were gone to the track before I knew what had happened. You left. You broke your promise, Daniel.”

“I didn’t have a choice!” It was the worst thing he could have said.

“But Blake and Michael got to stay. Angela stayed with Lewis, don’t try to lie to me and tell me she didn’t. Britta stayed with Seb. You sent me away, Dan. I was sobbing and begging you to stay and you made Blake drive me away. You made me leave when I was scared.” She let her words sink into him fully. “Just leave. Get out of this room and leave.”

“Emmy…” His voice was soft and she blinked back the tears she knew she wanted to cry. Not until the airport. Not until then.

“GET OUT DAN!” She yelled at him for the first time, shock on his face. “JUST LEAVE! It’s what you’ve been doing this whole weekend, just leave.”

“Fine. Fine. If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone. I’ll be downstairs in five for you to say goodbye to everyone.” She watched him walk through the adjoining door and lock it as Em’s heart completely broke in two. She’d ruined it. He was done. He was gone. He was leaving and she was going and she would never speak to him again because her Daniel wasn’t hers anymore. One person down, eight to go.

She brought her bags down to the lobby alone, everyone standing there waiting to say goodbye. Michael got a hug, she’d said everything she needed to earlier that day. Blake was beside him, wrapping her in a full body giant one and holding her tight.

“You know I love you, don’t you? I really love you.” Blake grinned and pulled her close again.

“Love you too, Ems. Moving beside you was the best decision I ever made.”

Saying goodbye to Michelle and Adam was hugs and whispers of seeing them for Christmas when she knew it was a lie. Grace pulled her into a hug that only a mother figure could, whispering in her ear.

“We’re coming over for Silverstone and yours and Dan’s birthdays, so we’ll see you then. We love you Em. If you need anything I’m only a FaceTime away. Don’t let them get you down when you’re with your family.”

“I love you too, Grace.”

Joe got a hug and a murmured love you, his hand patting her back soothingly. The kids were last, sulking as Em squatted down in front of them.

“So I got my angels a present to say goodbye, cause I know I didn’t get to see you lots. Want to see them?” There were identical nods and Em strapped the bracelets on, Isaac’s on a black cord and Isabella’s on a purple one.

“It matches the one I made you and Uncle Dan,” Isabella murmured as Em pulled her into a tight hug.

“It does. It’s a reminder that I love you both so very, very much. No matter how far away we are, I’m always going to love you, okay? Don’t ever, ever forget that. Pinkie promise me?” She held out her little fingers, laughing as they both enthusiastically took part in the ritual. She pulled them in for a final hug, pressing kisses to both of their heads.

“See you on winter break!” Isaac grinned as he spoke, Em putting a tight smile on her face. 

“We call it summer break, but I’ll see what we have to do then buddy.”

“Do you want a lift to the airport? I’ve got the rental?” Joe asked but Em shook her head.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ve got an Uber coming, I just want to get on the road. It’s hard enough to say goodbye to everyone I can’t drag it out much longer.”

“Fair. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Joe.” Her phone buzzed with the notification that her driver was there and she started towards the door. Dan still hadn’t come down and that was it. He didn’t love her. He didn’t feel anything like how she did because no matter what he’d said, he’d never make her leave. But she made him leave. He was gone.

She was almost at the door when an oh too familiar voice called across the lobby, running up to them. 

“I didn’t think you’d be leaving already.”

“My Uber’s outside, I need to leave.”

“Oh.” There was none of their usual hugs, none of the subtle kisses he pushed to the top of her head when they were separated. He didn’t even squeeze her fingers. It was like they were strangers. “Send a text when you get to London?”

“Yeah, sure.”

She turned to get her luggage into the car, shielding her face from everyone with her hair. The driver lifted it in and she was soon safely ensconced in the back seat, tears falling down her cheeks as she waved goodbye behind partially tinted glass.

“Was that Daniel Ricciardo?” The driver asked, Em forcing a smile.

“Yeah, I work with him.” It was true for another five hours at least.

“He seems like a good guy.”

“He’s one of the best.”

Tears streamed down Em’s cheeks the entire way to the airport, through the fancy check in area and security, and following her into her first class pod. She mostly ignored the staff apart from nodding at them, continuing to cry and wipe her eyes on tissues. The tears barely stopped until Dubai, only aided by Blake’s near constant texts as soon as her email sent.

She knew when she arrived in London that she had about twelve hours before the boys landed, Blake texting even while he was on his flights. She sent a I got back safely, receiving another flurry of responses.

Em, what’s this email about?

What’s going on?

Tell me you didn’t mean to send this

Is it the travel? Do you want to slow down? Why?

Ems we need you. How am I supposed to tell everyone you’re not coming with us anymore? Did you meet someone? Did something happen?

We’re about to land in Heathrow. Dan’s going to his place and looks miserable. I’ll be at your door in less than two hours.

When she got the final text Em grabbed the bags she’d hastily packed with clothes and the things she needed for the next eight days until the boys had left London for Imola. The address of the last minute airbnb was in her email, getting an Uber to it handy. She was long gone by the time Blake arrived, sitting in her temporary home for the next while and planning what she had to do. They’d leave England on the Wednesday, she had five days to empty her flat.

It started with an email to her landlord to give up the lease. Her family reasons excuse was accepted quickly, the landlord told she had to leave London and the apartment would be vacant from the end of the month. After that she had to start planning on where to go to.

There were too many memories in London. Nearly every street reminded her of Dan, of days walking around hand in hand to show him her London, not the tourist one he knew. The city she’d moved to at eighteen with a dream and a student loan and where she’d discovered who she was. Dan was everywhere in the city for her - memories of their first kiss in the pub she’d spent too many hours in, museums she’d dragged him to, streets he’d stolen a kiss from her at with a grin and a chuckle when they were waiting to cross the road. The cafes and greasy spoons she’d brought him to with the promise of not telling Michael. She couldn’t stay there, it was too much.

But everywhere she thought of had memories of him. Filthy weekends away when they were at home because of covid, eating out to help out and driving to Manchester or Glasgow to spend time together and have hotel sex. The midlands were completely out because of Silverstone, of memories of Enstone and the Renault factory, of Milton Keynes and his goodbye from Red Bull.

The only big city she could think of without a memory of Dan - with only one memory of her boys - was Liverpool. Which meant her parents. Which meant a conversation she never wanted to have. Calling her mother wasn’t like calling Grace. But she didn’t have Grace in her life anymore, so she had to do it.

“Emma, what country do you deign to call us from today?” Her mother answered the phone, disdain dripping from every word.

“Good morning, Mother. I’m in England. I was calling because I need to ask for a favour from you.”

“Yes?”

Em swallowed, teeing up words on her too thick tongue. “I had to leave my job, they didn’t have the funding to keep me on. I was wondering if I could move home for a few weeks while I’m applying for new jobs. I want to leave motorsports, there’s too much travelling and I want to settle down.” She hit every keyword that her mother had as she checked her bank account balance, spotting her final pay deposited in the account. It was more than healthy thanks to travelling so much for work and Dan covering that under work expenses. But she needed to be sensible, and renting somewhere without a job would be a mistake.

“You can. You will need to pay rent while you’re here.”

“Of course. Just let me know how much. It wont be for long, it’s just a few weeks. It’ll be like I won’t even be there, if I’m not interviewing I’ll be in my bedroom.”

“Fine. Let me know when you plan to arrive.” She sounded bored of the conversation already.

“I’ll be back April twenty fourth. I can send you the train details then.

“See you then.”

The difference between the call with her mother and a call with Grace just cut the wound in her chest even harder. Grace never let a call end without a million “I love you”s between them. She made sure that Em spoke to everyone in the family, and if Joe was out at the garage she took a message and told Em that he loved her. Instead her mother hadn’t even asked if Em wanted to leave a message for her father.

It felt so, so wrong.

The list of things she had to do before the boys left for Italy was beginning to shrink, but there was still so much to do. She ignored Blake and Michael’s texts, refusing to even open them. The chats were archived so the red dots didn’t irritate her. Dan didn’t send her anything at all, yet more proof that he meant everything he said in Melbourne. He was done with her. She didn’t realise that emotional pain could hurt this much. She’d never believed in soulmates, never believed in fate. She always thought that if a relationship ended she’d get through it. But now? This not quite a relationship over? It ached to her core.

Friday morning she had an appointment with a solicitor, walking in with a tear stained sheet of what she wanted to leave to different people. She’d always fought with Dan about being prepared if something happened to him, not wanting to know what he left her. She was one of the two people who could decide what medical treatment he got if he couldn’t consent. She’d cried when he told her that day in Spa when they got that tragic news what he wanted if he was in a crash like that. That he trusted her to not let him stay on machines. Some of her nightmares included his plaintive “I don’t want false hope” that made her ache.

She didn’t trust her parents to not do the same for her. They’d keep her hooked up to machines for as long as possible, they’d insist it was for “hope”. Em didn’t know what hope, but she knew them. They’d barely spoken for five years apart from occasional texts and birthday cards, they didn’t have the right to decide what happened to her.

It was a blustery Friday morning when she walked into that office and signed the papers to say Daniel Ricciardo, Blake Friend, and Michael Italiano were the people who decided what would happen if she couldn’t make her own medical decisions. She gave the lawyer the makeshift will that was handwritten and tearstained. It was simple - her cookbooks and exercise equipment to Michael because he was always trying to adapt her recipes. All but one piece of her furniture to Blake. Her CDs and DVDs to Dan, along with the coffee table he kept falling over. Her collection of Dan’s raceworn helmets to Isaac and Isabella. Dan, Grace, and Michelle were to divide her jewellery between them based on who wanted what. The rest of her belongings were to be sold and the money put in Isaac and Isabella’s college funds. It was too easy.

Even after everything that had happened, even after walking away, she trusted her boys more than she trusted anyone else in the world.

After all of that her final task was to organise her storage unit and movers. That was easiest of all if Em was honest. A call to a moving company who agreed to put everything in the unit without her there, and walking into a storage company. She signed a two year contract and paid the full rent then and there, surprising the man at the counter. Now she was able to disappear.

The texts kept coming from Blake and Michael. WhatsApp and iMessage, even a signal account she’d forgotten she had on her phone. Michael sent her instagram DMs so she deleted the app instead of trying to avoid reading them and appearing online. But finally it was Wednesday and she knew exactly when the boys were flying out of London City Airport. She’d organised the private flight for them, booked the plane and made sure the flight was as clean as possible. As soon as they’d take off her plan could start.

Walking back into her apartment felt too normal, just checking her post and finding it mostly full of letters from Blake. Get in touch, we’re worried, we miss you. Sentiments she knew he’d share but it would be easy for him to forget about her. The letters went out in recycling and she began to pack up her life.

The boxes were settled easily. Storage, donating, and Dan’s stuff. The ones for him filled quickly, clothes and accessories and things he’d left lying around the apartment that had become theirs instead of just hers. It took three boxes to get rid of the sense of him.

The storage boxes were easier, but the final thing she had to do at four that Sunday morning was decide what to do with her helmet wall. Ever since Monaco and his win, Dan had given her his race worn helmet for any new race design. She could name which race each of them was from, and in the middle was her Monza win one. McLaren had wanted it for the MTC but Dan refused to give it over, insisting it was his and he was keeping it. They got the trophy so he got the helmet. And then he put it in the middle of the IKEA shelves that they’d spent a weekend putting together and laughing.

Part of her - a large part if she was truly honest - wanted to donate them. Get rid of them for the clean break she insisted she needed. But she couldn’t. They were the good parts of the last four years, the best part of her life and the reminder that for years she got to love Daniel Ricciardo and travel the world with her best friends. Once she was settled somewhere she’d put them all back up to get her and explain to whoever asked that she was a part of Formula One for a short while, and it meant so much to her.

It took longer than she expected to get them wrapped carefully and boxed away. Two just about fit in one box, but they were light at least. When they were carefully labelled with the races, a tear falling from her eye when she wrote Monaco 2018 on a box in looping letters, she sat down to write notes to her boys. They deserved more than a resignation email and leaving without saying goodbye but if she saw them in person she wouldn’t walk away. She was barely strong enough to do that the first time. Em couldn’t do it again.

Dan’s took the longest. It started with anger. How could you make me love you when you didn’t love me back scrawled angrily, tears staining the lined pages as she wrote everything. But she couldn’t give it to him how she’d written it. She couldn’t deliberately hurt him. It wasn’t Dan’s fault that she’d fallen in love with a man who couldn’t love her back the way she wanted him to love her. It was her fifth draft, still tear stained, that was the one she was giving him.

Danny,

I’m sorry I didn’t say this in person but I couldn’t do it. We both know that things between us haven’t been working for a while. It’s nobody’s fault. I guess we just wanted different things. It happens to us all. But we’re both done and writing this is easier than another long conversation and another fight.

Go be happy. I’ll cheer you on from wherever I end up, no matter what. You’ve changed so many lives, mine included. Thank you for the amazing years and experiences. You let me do things that so few people ever get to do and I can’t thank you enough for that.

Emma

Michael and Blake’s were harder and easier. She only needed one attempt at them, trying to wipe the tears before they fell.

Blakey,

I’m sorry for leaving like this. I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch, but I made sure that everything logistically is booked until the summer break. Just get him where he needs to be on time, you were always better at that than me.

I love you. You’re my big brother and i wasn’t going to make you choose between me and Dan, that was never going to be fair. I’ll be happy and I want you to be happy too. Find a girl and settle down or bring her around the world. I’m rooting for you the entire time.

Will you make sure everyone in the paddock knows I love them? Tell Chloe and Scotty to get their wedding planned. Chloe will be the most beautiful bride and I’m so sorry I won’t get to see her in person. Scotty will look ok, I guess.

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Ems

PS - the extra key is for my storage unit. A1 Storage in Wimbledon. Figured you’d be a good person to have it.

She folded Blake’s letter into an envelope and labelled it before writing the last one. Somehow this was the hardest, having to ask Michael to do what she couldn’t.

Mike,

I’m sorry for leaving and I’m sorry for asking you to pass a message on but I know you will. I love you so much. You made lockdown bearable even when I was being a bitch, and you made me actually enjoy exercising you cruel man.

Tell everyone that I love them and I’m sorry? You let me know exactly what a family is and how I deserve to be loved and that’s something I can never thank you enough for. Ever. I can’t make people decide between me and Dan. He wins every time and that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s easier if I just leave.

Tell Grace and Joe I love them and I will forever be grateful for their love and support. Let Michelle know that she’s the best big sister ever. Please make sure that Isaac and Isabella know that I love them no matter what. It’s not their fault I left and I will always love them. Whoever gets to be their auntie is the luckiest person in the world and I wish it got to be me.

Tell all your family I love them, and ti voglio bene to Nadia and your Nana. I love you all so much, and I’m cheering you all on from wherever I end up.

Love,

Em

When the movers came she handed them the key to the storage unit, letting them know what to do. Everything was out of the apartment in a few moments and Em took a last look around her almost empty apartment. The memories were suffocating. Dan tripping over the coffee table, the London lockdown when they got back from Australia and they lied to Michael about what the yoga mat’s primary purpose was. The way Dan danced with her in the dark kitchen, distracting her from finding food for them in the fridge and getting them to sway in the silence. The kisses and living together like he loved her the same way she loved him.

He’d been blowing up her voicemail since Wednesday and she deleted them I listened to. The first “Emmy” hurt her too much, so she decided to practice self preservation for once. As soon as her voicemail said “you have an unlistened to voicemail from Dan” it was deleted. The same with Blake and Michael. She couldn’t do it.

Finally it was time to leave, and she carried Dan’s boxes one at a time into Blake’s apartment. The three were stacked one atop the other, the letters on top of them. Em stared at her thumb, at the moon ring that had been there since Dan bought it for her calling her his moon on dark nights. She couldn’t bear to take off the three necklace hanging on her chest, but this she had to leave behind. She wasn’t his moon, and he was too bright to be her sun.

She slipped it off and rubbed her finger against the warm gold, pushing a kiss to it before stepping back. The final thing she needed to do was leave the envelope with her medical power papers and will on Blake’s coffee table before she locked the front door and slipped his keys in his post box. It was done. She was gone.

The tube to Euston was quicker than expected and she joined the trek to the Liverpool train, settling into her seat a few minutes before they were due to pull out. Her phone lit up with a notification that the race was about to start, illuminating the photo from lockdown of her and Dan holding Isaac and Isabella. They looked like a family. Em unlocked her phone and pushed her thumb firmly down on the F1 app to delete it. A clean break.

The train pulled off exactly at two, her mind echoing Crofty’s “lights out and away we go”. Dan was in the car and racing and all she wanted was a good points finish for him. But she couldn’t check. She couldn’t let herself find out what he was doing.

Her tears fell harder as the train pulled into Milton Keynes, the memories of the last time she’d done this train journey as Dan’s plus one. His leaving Red Bull party, staying in a hotel with him the week before they flew to Perth for Christmas. It was the only time she’d gotten to visit the impressive Red Bull factory. Meeting Max properly, Christian cornering her with his wife - and keeping her cool around Geri fucking Halliwell - to ask if she could convince Dan to come back. Getting whisked away from Helmut quickly when he tried to speak to her, meeting the mechanics and team that she’d seen at several races properly for once. Yet another place she could never visit again because all she’d think about was Dan.

Em made herself stop crying shortly after, pushing a cold bottle of water to her eyes. She couldn’t be red eyed or puffy seeing her parents. It was bad enough returning with her tail between her legs. She didn’t know if she’d survive the I told you so.

*

When Dan got out of the car in Imola he knew what he had to do. His first stop was being weighed and getting his slip, Mike pushing one of those AG1 drinks into his hand to down to get electrolytes and water back into him. After that it was media rounds, apologising to Carlos, and doing media. Once the debrief was finished it was London. He needed to get to Emmy. For the second time he’d gotten on a plane when he should have been with her and he needed to apologise. Needed to make things right.

“The jet will be ready when we finish? I need to get back to London tonight.” Michael handed him a McLaren branded shirt and pair of skinny jeans to put on once he was out of the shower.

“It’ll be ready. Mate, you need to know that she might not want—“

“She’ll see me. It’s Em. She’s my Emmy. She’s going to see me and I’m going to tell her everything. I can’t do this without her. I can’t. I dunno how I did it before.”

“Ok. Go shower and head out.”

The debrief was painful. Lando on the fucking podium, Dan last. They wrote off his technical debrief after the collision. It was clear Dan couldn’t have done anything, and the rest of his race was nothing to write home about. He should have just retired. It was shit and he just had to listen to how Lando had a flawless race and was extracting the most out of the tractor McLaren had built. He had to wait until it was over, half listening and taking notes while stewing.

All he could think about was Emmy. He hadn’t reached out because he thought she needed space, wanted time. He’d had the fucking ring in his pocket in the hotel room and then they’d fought and he couldn’t exactly get on one knee and ask her to marry him after that. But now she was gone and she’d been gone for weeks and he didn’t know. He needed her to be ok. He needed to go home and see her on the couch and beg for her forgiveness because he was hers. His apartment was so fucking lonely, driving in and out of the factory without seeing her. Without going to sleep curled up beside her and waking up with the fairy lights glowing as she read whatever dog eared book she was rereading that month.

The voicemails were being listened to. Her inbox went from full to empty and he kept texting, determined to get through to her. Needing her to talk to him. To say anything at all. People kept asking where she was, he laughed it off and gave the excuse of family stuff. Natalie had nodded and said she hoped Em would be back soon. Chloe had looked at him oddly when she heard the excuse but he shrugged and moved on. The elder Stroll could be terrifying and he didn’t want to get on her bad side. Not even Scotty could save him from that.

There was nothing he could do but wait to be freed. The moment they were able to break - after Dan apologised to the mechanics for the job they’d have to do on the car - he was on his way to the driver room. Blake and Michael were already there with bags packed and ready to go.

It was a two hour flight to London and they landed at nine. After forcing their way through traffic in a black cab it was after nine thirty by the time they arrived at Blake and Em’s building. Dan stepped out of the car and grabbed his bags, heading straight upstairs to the two identical doors. He didn’t realise when it became more normal to stand in front of Em’s door than Blakes, but it had years before. He knocked twice to no response.

“Em? I’ve got my key, I’m coming in.”

The lock turned easily with the familiar key and Dan set his bags down to flick the light switch. What he saw terrified him.

The room was empty. The couch that killed his back, the coffee table his shins hated, gone. The bookshelves and the kitchen table they’d spent a lockdown day building, gone. Her helmet collection was missing. Em had once told him that if the building went on fire she would save whichever helmets she could. If they were gone, she was gone.

He ran to her bedroom but everything was missing. The fairy lights they’d taped up with double sided tape. Her bed. The throw cushions he laughed about. Even the case at the bottom of her wardrobe with the lingerie he’d bought her was gone. Her pink boots weren't there. It was like nobody had lived there for years. He couldn’t even smell her perfume in the air.

“Dan?” He hadn’t realised tears were streaming down his face when he turned to see his best mates standing in the doorway. “Mate, you need to see this.”

He followed them back to Blakes, pausing to lock Emmy’s front door. She had to come back. The idea that she wouldn’t come back was impossible.

Until he saw the boxes.

Three of them, neatly stacked almost up to Blake’s chest. There were three envelopes on them, and a glint of gold on top of one. He nearly ran to it, ignoring the post race soreness going through his body to see the ring he’d given her sitting on top of the one neatly labelled Daniel.

She’d used his first name. Emmy never used his first name unless something was wrong. He’d fucked up so badly that he didn’t want to open it.

Instead he held the ring firmly in his palm, the metal cold against his hand. She was there. She had been there and now she was gone and he didn’t know what to do. But instead he followed what Blake and Michael had done and opened his letter.

It was how impersonal it was that killed him. Em was done. She’d be fine. Thanking him for bringing her around the world and letting her work with him. She didn’t want another fight and she thought he was done with her.

She didn’t love him like he loved her and for a brief moment that made him want to die. The moments they’d shared, the times they’d said they loved each other. The times he’d held her and traced I love you down her back or against her clit when he was eating her out, desperate for her to know but too afraid to say it. The 'y’know, right?'. Everything from the last nearly four years. None of it had ever mattered because she wouldn’t have married him. He had her ring in his fucking ever present backpack and thank God he hadn’t tried to propose because she’d have said no and he’d have been humiliated.

“I guess you were right. Buying the ring was a mistake.”

His choked voice broke the silence, but it was Michael who got the next sentence in, cutting off Blake’s question about the ring.

“Mate, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“She doesn’t love me like I love her. I was wrong. I just got my heart broken so please, don’t rub it in right now?”

“Did you read any of what she wrote?”

“Yeah. She’s done. She thanked me for letting her travel with us. Like she didn’t earn her place. She signed it Emma. I was wrong, ok? I was wrong and I can’t take you rubbing it the fuck in when I think Im gonna break.”

“What happened? Because the two of you were fine in Bahrain, and then after Saudi she disappeared and skipped Perth, and she was barely in Melbourne. What happened with you?” Blake was the one who asked, Dan flopping on the couch beside him. He held out his much shorter letter for them to read.

“Things were weird when we got back after Christmas. Then we had covid and got through it. And Saudi fucking happened. With everything going on and keeping her safe I didn’t see her till after the race and she was already leaving. And in Melbourne we… We had a fight.” The memories of what he’d said were circling again, the anger between them, Em telling him to leave again. Him walking away.

“We thought that much. You didn’t even hug her goodbye.”

“She told me to leave!”

“In self preservation.” Michael’s voice was low and Dan was almost afraid of his best friend. “She said she didn’t want to make us choose between you and her, that she knew we’d pick you. So she left. I have to tell your fucking family she’s gone, by the way. She asked me to. So you’re going to tell me everything that’s happened between the two of you and we’re going to fix this. What the fuck did you do?”

He wanted to be annoyed that he was being blamed but he couldn’t blame the boys. So he let everything out.

He told them about wanting to kiss her in Blake’s that first night, of Monaco and their agreement that it was over once she left Monaco. Coffee and Silverstone and her birthday drinks. Spa and I love you when they were faced with the reality of what could happen with his job again. Em begging him to never leave her behind, that no matter what he wouldn’t leave her alone. Her dick of an ex who’d destroyed her self-esteem and meant she lost her friends. The meaning of 'Y’know, right?', the phrase that had been their mantra since 2019. That he hadn’t slept with anyone else since he’d met her because he just knew she was supposed to be his. That he’d bought the ring when they spent Christmas 2020 together but was just waiting for the right moment. And then in Saudi she’d been sobbing and he sent her away. He made Blake take her away from him. From them. He’d broken his fucking promise and again in Australia he walked away when he should have stayed in that room.

She’d picked the fight. She’d picked it so she’d be left alone and leave and the realisation of how well she fucking knew him hurt so much. She knew him like the palm of her hand and for a minute he forgot about it.

“Let me get this straight. You’ve known just how shit her family is for longer than any of us, and I’m the only one who’s actually met them. She asked for exactly one thing from you which was don’t leave her alone. And in Saudi, one of the countries she’s most scared of being away from us for any length of time, you made her go back to the hotel and stay there on her own. She begged you to stay and was sobbing and you left her to cry when she asked you to stay? I could fucking punch you right now.” He nodded at Michael’s words, shame filling every cell in his body.

“You made us leave her alone.” Blake spoke and Dan thought he was going to be sick. “In Melbourne. The morning of the race. 'Em’s going with my parents. She wants family time.' She didn’t know she was going with them, did she? Why?”

“She… I… No. We weren’t ok. I didn’t know if I could be in the car with her. Not after that night.”

“What happened?”

“I… Fuck. She kept the door between our rooms locked that whole week. But Saturday night it wasn’t locked. I had a habit of just trying it, just in case. It was open and I went in. I just lay down on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep for a while before falling asleep. I left before she woke up. She didn’t know, she was asleep the whole time.”

“You think our Ems was asleep for a full night before a fucking race? Are you an idiot? Did you get brain damage in that crash today? She doesn’t fucking sleep! You slept in the same bed as her for four fucking years and you don't know that? She’s into me for melatonin every damn night because she can’t sleep worrying about you. She was awake that entire night and you left her without saying a goddamn word and then you abandoned her again. Again, Dan. Don’t tell me you did something stupid and cheated on her like her fucking ex.”

“I never cheated. I haven’t touched another woman.” The thought made him sick. “I’m not that asshole. You know I’m not.”

“I don’t mean to be funny Dan. She lived beside me for nearly five years. She’s my friend. And now her apartment is for rent, your shit is here, and she’s told us all goodbye and to give messages to the people she loves. So you might not have cheated on her, but you broke her. It took us four years to help Em feel like herself again and put her pieces back together and you broke her.” Blake was opening another envelope mixed in with the post on his coffee table that Em had left in as he spoke, eyes widening slightly. Before he could get the words out Michael had to.

“You’re telling your family, by the way.” His voice was solid, a way Dan had never heard before. “She asked me to tell them but I can’t. I can’t break those kids hearts and tell them their auntie Emmy loves them forever but she can’t see them again. I can’t tell your sister that she’s lost a sister, and I can’t tell your parents that you ran off the woman they want you to marry. That the woman your mum teaches family recipes to had to leave, because you fucked up that much. You know she’s their second daughter, right? Even before whatever the fuck you’ve been doing started they adored her. From Monaco. Em’s lost the only decent mother she’s ever had because of you. She didn’t want to make us choose but if she was here right now I’d choose her over you any day.”

“If you think she doesn’t love you, read this.” Blake held out a package of papers, Dan skimming them.

Everyone in his line of work was familiar with leaving a will behind. The fucking academies basically demanded it at this point. He’d put Emmy on his own medical power of attorney form after Spa, told her what he was leaving her when she was ready for that conversation after Roman nearly died in Bahrain. 

But Emma wasn't racing cars every weekend, so she didn't need the papers she signed. She didn't need to leave a will behind, but his name was there to make decisions for Em. She’d left him specific things. The cold fear snaked up his spine, tightening around his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

“She wouldn’t. She won’t do anything stupid. It’s Em, she wouldn’t.” The words came out as a rush but certain. She wouldn’t hurt herself. God, he couldn’t live with himself if she did.

“It’s probably just a precaution. But Jesus Christ, Dan. She’s gone. We have no idea where she is, we don’t even know what country she’s in. We don’t know what kind of head start she has and with the amount of frequent flier miles she has she could be anywhere. We can probably cross off here and Australia, but that doesn’t take away much.” 

“I need to leave.” Dan turned to see Michael pick up his bag. “I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk. I’ll email you workout plans. She’s my fucking sister, Dan. She’s my little sister and I trusted you knew what you were doing with her. She said goodbye to me and I didn’t even know. You… I can’t look at you right now. I’m this close to quitting too because I don’t know you anymore. The Dan I grew up with? He would have said something. He wouldn’t make the woman he kept saying he was going to make his wife run away. He wouldn’t make her feel unloved. Just work out what you’re going to do. I’ll be on the plane to Miami but I don’t know if I’ll see you before then.” Dan watched as his oldest friend, the man he’d known since primary school, who’d supported him through thick and thin, walked out of the apartment into the London night.

“She’s gone. She’s really gone and she’s not coming back. I… I have to find her, Blake. I can’t do this without her.”

“You need to work out what you’re doing. You need to tell your family she’s gone. You need to do your job. We’re all hurting right now and yeah your heart is breaking. But its my job to do tough love and tell you that you need to work first and then think about her.” He stared at Blake in shock. “I’m pissed. But work first. Em somehow managed to take everything off my plate when she was leaving, because she didn’t want to make things hard on me. Go home, Dan. I have to call Chloe Stroll and tell her Em’s not coming back.”

“Not yet. Please. Let me f—“

“I’m telling her. You can hide it from the media, from your family, whatever. Chloe is Em’s best friend outside us. Do you really think she hasn’t tried calling Em already? Really?” Dan nodded once. “Go home. Your place, not the empty apartment next door you called home. Go home and get your shit together. Em would kill you if you fucked up a race over her.”

Dan got an Uber on his phone, taking his bags downstairs along with his letter from Em. He slipped the moon ring onto his little finger, settling it just above the sun. He needed her back. He just didn’t know how to find her.