#Fancy Brigade

[crimsonclad]

now having watched the entirety of OFMD S1 and S2 multiple times, one place that never fails to take me out at the knees is the audience finding out that Ed’s mother was in service in the very same episode that he goes to a fancy rich person party where Stede—who is himself impossibly wealthy landed gentry—intentionally sides with the servants and his lowborn crew.

Stede slipping away from all the posturing and sniping to hang out with Frenchie “who was in service for a minute”. Stede who is more excited to meet and collude with Abshire than to talk to a single rich person from his own world. Yes, Stede burns all the rich people alive for being cruel to Ed and that’s very charming of him! But every rewatch, the thought of baby Ed growing up to find the kind of gentleman he always hated and envied embodied in someone who would take his side every time just knocks me flat. Ed sought out an avatar of everything he longed for (yet wanted to destroy) and accidentally discovered a lonely oddball who wanted him more than any of the rest of it. “I found the kind of person I envisioned as my bitterest rival and he smiled in recognition of a kindred soul only to swear he’d make all my most ridiculous and insignificant fantasies come true” is just so!!!!!!!!!

“the crew is my family now” and “peasants marry for love” and marmalade with a flourish of twine and Ed on the verge of tears finding Stede hiding outside the party agreeing with Frenchie about the absurdity of spoon politics. my god my god my GOD!

[perfectlytremendousdaze]

My First Mummer's Parade

[hangesdarling]

Can I ask for hate sex with hange?

(Hope this fits within your rules!)

commitment — h. zoë

PAIRING. Hange Zoë x female reader SYNOPSIS. Commander Hange find it difficult to commit into a relationship with you. CONTENT. 18+, MDNI, biting, leaving bite marks, vaginal fingering, oral sex (hange receiving), overstimulation, panty stuffing, scissoring, angst, alcoholism, teasing, dirty talk (lmk what else) WORD COUNT. 4.1k (i got carried away 😭) A/N. School may be killing me but at least I get to write this angsty smut for Hange (sorry for taking so long anon, and yesss, this fits with my rules 💕)

Your privilege from birth remained an indelible mark and only strengthened when your father rose to rank in the military police brigade. Those itchy elegant clothes at private parties, or of wearing a proper pin-up dress when you want to cross the road without a word of judgment became a pervasive familiarity.

Maybe even freedom contorted itself to your comfort and safety for you only saw Titans in those publications. Hange thought of you as an entitled woman untouched even by the dust from Shiganshina as expected from someone who lived in the inner walls from birth. 

But you love playing with fire. You love Hange's esoteric yet strangely fascinating eye bored through you across that expansive room. It was full of people in the usual fancy setting you were used to. Empty words were exchanged through them as if a common meeting could create another layer of peace to prevent such bonds from breaking. 

However, tonight was not so tasteless when you're exchanging wordless conversations and suggestive glances with the Commander of the Survey Corps. 

The party was not fascinating but the eventual meetings that followed were. For some time, your father almost believed you were interested in a position in the military from how you frequented the headquarters. Your surreptitious meetings with Hange came once a week, turning twice or thrice later on. Eventually, their vision of you as an entitled woman shattered under one kiss followed by sloppy lovemaking in their office. 

"So you weren't so stuck up after all," Hange mused, their lips stained with the gloss from your lips. 

"And you weren't so sophisticated, Commander." A teasing smirk rose on your lips, fingers circling the angry kiss marks trailing up from their chest to their neck. Your hips mounted to reposition yourself in their lap, earning an appreciative smile from them just for your boldness. "Taking me right here in the office? Really?" 

Your banters flowed like fluid robbed of viscosity, a free-flowing connection to the soul. Hange has this charming, relaxed smile, a glimpse of their youth smothered by the weight of responsibility on their shoulders. Your presence became a prying tool, each loving word uttered lifting the heaviness within them. 

You relished on those weekdays you had to pretend that you were not fucking the Commander. A sensational thrill shot through your body, even to the tips of your toes just from writing each lipstick-stained letter, each lewd word placed upon paper to be mailed directly at their office disguised as a formal letter. 

Lately, your meetings have thinned to twice or thrice a month, putting intense yearning upon waiting for a familiar letter in your mailbox. It wasn't frequent but Hange had a way with words, and it was enough to make you read their letter the way a devotee reads their bible. 

However, upon another chance of meeting after such intense longing, you found Hange in haste, bounding your conversation into half an hour based on how the clock on their wrist ticked. 

So you hugged them, you nestled your head on their chest like you always used to as if doing so would merit their stay. 

"Sweetheart, I really have no time for this," their tone sounded apologetic, as if in repentance for your yearning bounded by their time. "Say what you want to say, Y/N."

"Tell me, Hange. What are we?" It was soft yet so pointed that Hange stirred from your touch. They can't find a way to scoot around the topic with your tone of adamance. Their lips pursed into a thin line before sighing. 

"Y/N, we've talked about this." 

Your fists clenched at their olive uniform, your face remained buried on their chest. 

"But Hange... We've been seeing each other for such a long time now. And I..."

Hange knows you cannot finish your sentence, each word snatched from your mouth for fear of sounding pathetic. 

"Y/N, look, I wasn't carved out for such a commitment," they pulled away gently, lifting your chin to look at them and letting go eventually when you shook their hand off. "I care for you, Y/N. But we can't do this now." 

That's what you always say, you wanted to scream out. That this wasn't the right time, that it would be best to keep things this way not to hurt each other. You always do this as if there was always a better time than now.

Your hand clenched around their coat once more then let go all at once. Hange's watch ticked twice.

"I hate you," your lips moved in scorn, in an angry desperation to not burst into tears. It took all Hange's strength to not argue back, to resist your statement and pull you back in their arms so this parting wouldn't hurt as much. Their watch ticked again and like any other meetings, they didn't have time. 

Hange sighed, squeezing your hand and letting it go as they stepped back. "I'm sorry, Y/N. We'll talk about this when I get back."

Your eyes welled with tears as their footsteps grew fainter from where you stood frozen. You tried to walk away silently but the sound of their train leaving clutched you in an urge to scream. 

-

Maybe Hange was right that being in an official relationship wasn't any better.  I have to grow up, you told yourself. Hange has this mature view of things that smothers their imaginative side. Their decisions felt like the safest yet most terrible ones you couldn't wrap your heart around. You grew up knowing that things you want would materialize the moment you wished for them. It contrasts all the harsh experiences Hange had outside the walls all those years ago, not only fighting titans but the corrupt humans themselves. This isn't a fairy tale, Y/N, your mind spoke in Hange's voice. 

But you want to stop longing, to await for a love that does not dither, for a piece of commitment you could hold onto each time you wait for Hange to come back. Just the slightest verbal evidence that you're the person they come to as a lover. But your attempt to get their heart in your care failed once again. 

Maybe you were never their lover. You're just another one of those women they invited over for a fortnight of pleasure. You just happen to last long enough because they weren't tired of you just yet. You scoffed to yourself, pouring yourself another drink later that night day when Hange left. They should be getting on the ship as of this time based on your estimate. Another few weeks of not seeing each other, but this time parting with such bitter words. 

I hate you. 

Did you truly mean it? Maybe you hate their choice, but not them. Or perhaps it was irritating how much you cannot fully place hate on their name even if you tried.

You drank the bottle of wine to the last droplet, mind considering a visit to your father's headquarters early that morning. 

-

Not long ago, you earned a temporary job in the headquarters as an excuse to see Hange. It was rather tedious but you're not aversed about reading lengthy reports and sorting them when you could always meet the Commander afterwards. But with Hange's absence, the papers were getting more difficult to bear that you had to avert your eyes from the pile for at least an hour. 

However, you left the room later on, remembering you shouldn't have to bear with such things when you have a privilege placed on your name. You could always pay that kind soldier trying to help you out. But later that noon, he won't accept monetary payment, but rather a chance to take you out on a drink until night. 

Perhaps it wasn't such a bad offer since you needed a drink yourself. A splash of alcohol might hopefully erase Hange's face from your mind. You haven't even written a single letter since they left and planned to keep it that way. 

The bar where soldiers of low ranks weren't as sophisticated, and the cheap drinks tasted unique. Your first drink burned your throat but you were too thrilled by the new environment to even protest. You tried to imagine Hange in place of the guy next to you. Hange would have looked at you in amusement, maybe even tried to down a bottle to show you a glimpse of their previous life before they became Commander. 

But that daydream blurs and vanishes into a tasteless reality as you down a few drinks. This place only reminded you of Hange's absence, an environment far too cruel for you to bear. It was clear that you wanted to leave the bar and cut that night short. The man who brought you here has been a help in your tipsy state, and much to your distaste, he began a shaky confession of why he brought you here. 

His hands were cold when they met yours, you wanted to roll your eyes at how he was trying to meet your eyes. You're beautiful, you're friendly enough. I always see you frequent the headquarters. 

Shallow confessions, you thought to yourself, and yet it all sounds tempting especially now that the alcohol was kicking in. 

You tried to kiss him mid-sentence, tasting the cheap beer on both of your lips. His lips felt strange, unfamiliar, and almost cold from the air outside. You retracted almost immediately, the tempting whispers of the alcohol in your system diminished all at once. It was a terrible kiss and it will never feel good when your lips keep searching for Hange's sweet and loving ones. 

You're not one to toy with other people's feelings but the kiss stirred and hazed your mind back to soberness that you ran away into the frigid night. You tried to wash away the taste with another glass of wine when you got home but the feeling of betrayal lingered.

But then again, it wouldn't be a betrayal to Hange because you were never theirs. They've made it clear a few more times than enough. 

We can't do this now. There wasn't an ‘us’ to begin with. 

Later that midnight, you tried writing several letters addressed to Hange but none felt right. All ended up in a discarded pile beside your bed, your inked hands unwashed as the alcohol inched you closer to slumber. 

-

Returning to Paradis without you in sight made the morning all the more bitter for Hange. Not a letter from you, nor an answer for all the letters they sent while they were away. They remember the hatred laced with your words the last time you saw one another. 

Against all the bitterness nestled within them, they remained wishing that you never meant your words. 

Later that afternoon in the headquarters, they wanted to come to you but decided against it at the last minute. They need a few hours to themselves. Maybe for sleep or other things. However, Hange cannot sleep now that their mind is occupied not just by the pressing issues in the military, but also by you. 

They thought of your sweet, blushing face in their hands whenever they kiss you, or how you make a seat for yourself in their lap whenever you're in the mood to be playful, but above all that, they longed to feel you after such a tedious time away. Their mind was plagued with questions of where you were and what had happened while they were gone. Do you still resent them? 

However, their questions were beginning to be answered in such an unlikely manner when they overheard a conversation among soldiers drinking at work. The Commander wanted to burst in and admonish them for misbehavior when they heard your name being spoken along degrading words. A slut. A woman easily persuaded by an invitation to drink. Hange proceeded to listen, fists clenched as the soldier you kissed not even a week ago decided to warp his story of rejection to your disadvantage.

Hange glanced at these soldiers, remembering the names and faces they would subject to grueling military work later that day. They forgot their tiredness and went out of the headquarters to look for you.

-

Hange didn't want to believe that man's words. They placed their trust in you to that extent. However, their reasoning shattered when they heard it from your mouth. 

You resent them because seeing them makes your heart ache. You wished to hurt them the way they did when they broke your heart. 

 "I was never yours, Hange. You've made that clear several times so why bother to snoop around to what I'm up to?" you glared at them when they stood blocking the way out of your room. 

"Are you telling me these things because you're bored of me and wish to have a new plaything, or is this your petty attempt to make me mad?" Hange gave you a tired glare, arms crossed over their chest. They were too exhausted to deal with your temper at that moment and wished for a more civilized conversation. 

Your brows rose from their claim and said, "I'm not one to find playthings, and toy with them until I'm satisfied. Maybe you should look at yourself, Hange."

Your attempt to storm out of the room was interrupted when Hange caught your arm and brought you back to face them. "You think I'm toying with you?" Their tone only indicated that you managed to anger them with that statement. 

"What am I supposed to think when we only met several times just to fuck each other and yet you seem revolted by the idea of even calling me your lover?" you jabbed a finger on their chest, your tears more unbridled than that of your last meeting. "Was it easier to dedicate your life protecting a hopeless, godforsaken land than loving me?" 

Your claims were making Hange snap but they couldn't let themself lose control now. 

"You misunderstood me entirely," they muttered as if speaking any louder would prompt them to break. "And don't you dare call Paradis hopeless. You know nothing about it."

"You think so low of me, don't you? You think I'm too stupid to know what's happening here?" you argued, hastily wiping your tears so they wouldn't blur your vision. "It's obvious we don't understand each other. Maybe it's better if we stop all of this entirely."

Their grip on your arm tightened unconsciously. "You don't mean that," they scoffed. 

"Don't challenge me, Hange. You must be a fool if you think I can't replace you," you said coldly, earning a glare from them. Hange couldn't hold themself any longer, the frustration from work coupled with your behavior towards them irritates them further. 

They swiftly locked the door and pulled you towards them, arms circled tightly on your waist. Their face was centimeters away from you, their warm breath brushing against your lips, "This is not what I'm expecting when I come back here, Y/N. You're such a clever girl so you must know what I'm feeling right now."

Their hand went to the back of your head, lips touching yours as they whispered, "I'm so damn fed up and not just that..."

Hange dragged you back to your bed, forcing you to sit down. Their silent aggressiveness scared you when they slowly pressed their body against yours, their frame caging you firmly like one would do to a prey. Your legs dangled over the edge as their knees pressed on your sides. The bruising kisses they gave dug into your skin, almost like Hange was trying to tear the soft surface apart until you bled. 

"Hange, not here," you hissed, pushing on their shoulders. They groaned on your neck and gathered your wrists over your head.

"Don't act like this is the first time I fucked you here," they retorted, completing the cruel necklace of love bites surrounding your neck. Hange rolled up your skirt to your waist, their other hand pushing at the back of your thigh so you would lay open for them. 

"My father's at home, you asshole."

"I don't care," they replied almost immediately. "Let your father hear us. Let him know I'm already defiling you so he'd force me to marry you. After all, that's what you want, right?" 

"You twist my words," you argued. 

"I'm just learning from you," Hange muttered, their desperate lips now kissing on your chest. Hange could feel that your wrists were starting to relax on their grip. "Do you know how much irritates me when you think I don't love you?" 

"Maybe you should ask yourself why I think that way," you shot back. 

"If I'm so terrible in your mind then let me prove you otherwise," Hange told you like a firm promise, letting go of your hand to undo your clothes to the last button. Their hand kneaded on your waist, finding their way to settle on your breasts. 

You hated how much your body leaned into their warmth, of how you let yourself become so vulnerable and bare in their eyes. Your resentment felt so shallow when you fall apart every time their hands touched you.

Hange breathed onto your neck, their hand passionately locked around yours while the other glided over your folds. You gave their neck the same treatment from earlier as you left bruising kisses on their skin, making sure that their subordinates will see through the marks even with their uniform. 

Hange kept your moans muffled with their mouth, their usual loving whispers gone and replaced by a desperateness to have you, to make you come all over their hands once more. Your fingers gripped and dug into their uniform, the coil on your stomach tightening with each thrust. 

"Hange..." you whispered their name and repeated it like a fervent prayer as their lips never left your body. You clamped a hand over your mouth as your hips rocked against their fingers.

"Louder, sweetheart. You want people downstairs to hear you, right?" Hange smirked, their lips and thrusts both deepening as if in punishment for the moans you were trying to muffle. They tore your hand from your mouth and bit on your skin, earning a whimper from you.

You desperately closed your legs in between their hands but Hange only pulled them farther apart.

Come again for me, sweetheart, they would whisper, and you would collapse onto them over and over again the way rocks gently wear away against the crashing of waves.

Hange pulled their calloused fingers from your dripping cunt, groaning when they felt your teeth biting them again once more.

You wrapped a leg around them, shifting your body weight so you could straddle them. Hange felt your hands ripping at the zipper of their pants, the button securing the band disconnecting from the fabric.

 "Ease down, Y/N, damnit," they grunted as you strip off their button in haste. You bite on their lip as you kiss, letting them know you're in no mood to be gentle nor loving like you always used to. Your passion was coarse and carnal, grating through their flesh. Your hands found their underwear, slipping it off their legs without letting them say a thing.

You balled the fabric into a loose gag before stuffing it on their mouth. Your lips curled into a smirk before kissing their forehead, saying,  "You talk too much, Commander, it’s irritating. So you better keep that on until I'm done with you."

Hange groaned softly, patiently watching you settle in between their thighs. Your eyes bored onto theirs as the soft pad of your thumb circled their clit. Their hands found your hair, gripping onto them the moment your tongue glided along their slit. Hange whined at how torturously slow you used your tongue, getting them to the edge and pulling away when they needed it most.

Hange kept their mouth stuffed as you wished but proceeded to brutally use your mouth later on in accord with their liking.

"That's right, put your mouth to good use," they grunted, spitting out the gag later on, their inner thighs pressing on your head as their cum smeared your lips and chin. They delivered a wet, warm kiss on your lips, fingers resting on your chin as they said, "That's a lot better than arguing with me, don't you think?"

You groaned at that remark, yet your stamina was too depleted to protest when they're shifting you into another position. 

"I'm tired, Hange," you mumbled. 

"And I'm not, Y/N," they answered back, lifting your leg so they could settle in between. "I'll stop once you cease this bullshit with me, and handle your temper so we could talk."

"You wish," you rolled your eyes. 

Their hand circled around your throat as they inch closer to your face and spoke, "Then shut your mouth and take it."

Hange pushed your legs further, your soaked entrances meeting. Hange groaned as they felt the friction building up close to their pelvic region. They gave your throat a light squeeze as their hips moved against yours. You pulled onto their collar for a kiss, distracting both of you from how the bed creaks just by your movements escalating to roughness. 

Your intimacy was full of marks, of bites that drew blood. Your bodies moved in such a way where a stronger emotion could be felt other than desire. Perhaps it was longing, or an immense unresolved yearning of two hearts who could only find understanding through the flesh. 

Hange's lips trembled against yours as they came, their grip loosening so their hands could trail along your back. They placed a band of love bites that turned to purplish bruises, their tongue licking along the ones that managed to bleed. It took a while before your breathing stabilized enough.

Hange untangled their body from you and dressed up silently a few minutes later, mumbling about how it was getting too late, that it would be suspicious for them to stay. You're too tired to sulk as you shift your body to turn against them, finding comfort from the warm sheet encasing your body. Fine, just go, you wanted to mutter in defeat. 

However, Hange walked over to you, kneeling down so they could meet your eyes once more. They tucked the stray hair from your face as they spoke, "I'll talk to your father first thing in the morning."

You were alerted, brows creasing as your eyes tried to scan their intentions. "For what?" 

"Well," Hange sighed softly, playing on the loose strands on your face. "You have quite a traditional family so I'll formally talk to your father about us. I hope to merit a positive response."

"But I thought you don't want a committed relationship with me..."

"I know I told you that several times before," Hange traced a thumb over your cheek. "Truly it scares me because I know what I'm like. I can't give you all my attention, Y/N, and I don't want that to hurt you. But I've hurt you several times already because of my refusal. My fear is not worth breaking your heart over."

Their solemn gaze met yours, and you could feel another layer wearing away from them. Another vulnerability they're willing to hand over to you. You couldn't have guessed that they would bare their heart this way.

"Hange..."  There are things you wanted to say but couldn't find one where you could subdue your intense, profound appreciation. Your hand went to their cheek, gathering their warm skin onto your hand. 

"Y/N, you deserve more than I could give you. I can't promise to be everything you wished for. And perhaps it scares me terribly that you'll end up hating me for it," Hange continued, their gaze softening. "But I'll try, alright?" 

"Alright," you smiled, absentmindedly fixing their collar and tugging on it as a subtle plea. "Could you... stay for a bit longer?" 

Hange's responsibilities await like an undesirable visitor at their desk, waiting for them to get through their office door and pounce upon them. It thins their energy and will, a fuse burned into blackness within their heart. Staying with you would only create another opportunity for work to pile up higher, and yet, they couldn't find the heart to refuse. They felt like a charred, pitiful wick that once burned brightly. Your loving embrace, and intoxicating touch, your insistent love they cannot shut down for much longer— all made them forget their inanition and diminished vigor within.

"Of course I can stay," Hange smiled before letting themself sink back into your embrace, drowning themself into your depth until they couldn't breathe. 

likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated, sweethearts <3

[trensu]

Time travel AU, that takes place during in-universe present day and the time travel is actually future middle aged Steve getting accidentally sent back.

Like our 19yo steve is puttering about in his empty house minding his own business. And then he hears someone behind him Mutter vehemently, "fuck!" It gives him a heart attack, especially when he whirls around and sees, "dad?? What are you doing here? I thought you were in New York?"

The man who looks like his father gapes at him, and says "oh my god, I'm a toddler, jesus christ."

He then passes out and steve immediately lunges towards his phone to call Dustin.

Your typical time travel shenanigans ensue. It's all fine and dandy at first. Everyone oohs and ahhs over Future Steve. Present Day Steve is a bit in awe of his future self because the dude seems to have his life together. He's not saying anything no matter how many questions Steve throws at him because it might ruin the timeline or whatever the hell, but Steve can see it in the way he carries himself with a sort of relaxed confidence that Steve couldn't have faked even during his King days.

That awe lasts until Eddie shows up. Eddie burst into the room with his usual exuberance and beamed at Steve the way he always does when he visits that makes warmth bloom in Steve's chest like a carnivorous jungle flower. But then Eddie catches sight of Future Steve and he freezes. Future Steve grins at him and wiggles his fingers as a hello, which Eddie dimly mimics.

Steve and Dustin quickly inform Eddie what's up. Eddie laughs in disbelief, "two Steves. One from the future. Why the fuck not."

Future Steve laughs. "God, Eddie, you're so young! You're all kids."

Eddie flushes, "hey, I'm a grown man!"

"Boy, you can't even go for a drink without breaking the law right now."

Eddie splutters in embarrassment, and yet he proceeds to follow Future Steve around like a lost puppy. Steve doesn't like it. He especially doesn't like how squirmy and red Eddie gets whenever Future Steve pays him the slightest bit of attention. It's stupid. Eddie is acting stupid for no damn reason and it's like Steve doesn't even exist anymore.

(Steve pettily starts calling his future self Old Man Steve in his mind because fuck that guy, he thinks he's sooo cool but he isn't, he's just some boring old man that hasn't done anything to deserve Eddie's unwavering attention, what the fuck).

While Steve starts channeling his bitchy kingly self around Future Steve, the rest of the gang is working diligently to find a way to get Future Steve back home. Eventually some vague yet menacing government types show up. There has been, apparently, an entire branch of the research department created to figure out teleportation and other such sci-fi things that Steve is pretty sure they're making up on the spot.

Apparently, they noticed some weird readings on whatever fancy machines they got and came to investigate. Steve may not be a genius math whiz, but he's good at reading people. He can tell these guys know a hell of a lot more than they're saying. And he could've sworn that his future self actually recognized a couple of the scientists.

Steve lingers by the scientists, both miniature and full size, even though he's useless there because if he has to watch his future self laugh indulgently at Eddie's constant bids for attention he might have to dig out the nail bat. Instead he watches from the corner of his eye as Eddie excitedly asks about any dnd updates he could look forward to in the future; he watches Eddie shyly tug his hair over his mouth when Future Steve asks about his music. Steve's stomach sours at the way Eddie unconsciously sways into Future Steve's space during their conversation. He tries not to gag at how his future self's eyes glimmer with mirth at Eddie's antics.

Steve hates everything.

Eventually between the kid nerd brigade and the grown up nerd brigade, some sort of contraption is cobbled together that should send Future Steve back. Not that Future Steve or Eddie seem to notice, too wrapped up in each other. Has Steve mentioned he hates everything?

The lead scientist, the one Steve thinks his future self recognized, finishes calibrating the contraption with a pleased grin. She then turns to where Eddie and Future Steve are talking.

"Mr. Munson," she calls. Both Eddie and Future Steve turn around.

"Yeah?" they respond simultaneously. Future Steve freezes. The scientist chuckles.

"Apologies, I meant Steve Munson. Are you ready to go home?"

Steve is pretty sure his heart stopped in his chest. Eddie is gaping at Future Steve.

"Wait," Dustin says. "What?? Did you--Steve MUNSON?"

Future Steve smiles sheepishly. "Uh...I'd say I can explain, but I'm not sure if I should? You know. With the timeline and everything."

Dustin is running his mouth but Steve is absorbing none of it. He looks over to Eddie who looks as stunned as he feels. Steve goes and grabs his future self.

"Fuck the timeline," Steve chokes out past the lump in his throat. He grips Future Steve's arm desperately. "Are we--?" His voice cracks. "We're not alone? In the future? We're m-married?"

Future Steve softens. He places a firm hand on Steve's shoulder. "I know you won't believe this right now. I remember how I felt at this age. But yeah. We find someone who love us as much as we loved Nancy. We get married. He's our whole world, Steve."

Steve swallows. "...Eddie?" Future Steve nods and Steve takes a shaky breath. "He loves us back?"

"I know, right? I still don't know how we got so lucky."

Later, after Future Steve has gone back where he belongs (with his husband, Steve thinks in a daze), Eddie shows up on his doorstep. Steve lets him in and they stand there together in silence for a while. Eddie breaks first, tugging his hair over his mouth again.

"I never thought I'd get married," he says hesitantly. "I told myself it was because I didn't want to; forced conformity is bullshit, yeah? But that was a lie.

I mean forced conformity IS bullshit but I secretly thought being married would be...nice." Eddie's breath hitches. "To have someone in your corner. Someone who saw you and said yeah, that's the person I want to keep forever."

Steve reaches over and grabs Eddie's hand from where it's started to tug painfully at his curls. "I want to be in your corner." He doesn't say he wants to keep him forever, but he's pretty sure his expression betrays him if Eddie's quivering smile is anything to go by.

"Yeah, I'm getting that," he leans forward, resting his forehead on Steve's collar. Eddie sucks in a shaky breath. "Queers don't get married though. Queers get hunted down and murdered, Steve."

"Yeah, I know," he presses his cheek against Eddie's mop of curls. "Future me said we have to be careful. Patient. It'll be years and years, but someday we'll be able to, like, hold hands right out in the open and shit. We'd be able to marry. If you think you can be with me for that long, I'll make it happen, Eddie."

"You havent even asked me out for real yet," Eddie whines against Steve's shoulder. "Where's that charm? I may be a poor boy but I deserve to be wooed."

Steve barks out a surprised laugh.

"The drive in is doing a double feature this Friday, what do you think?"

Eddie pulls back with an exaggerated sigh.

"If that's the best you can do--"

"Hey!"

"--then I guess it's a start. But I'm expecting something fancy for a second date. I'm a girl with refined taste, you know."

"Confident about getting a second date already?"

"Mmhmm. I have it on good authority that this is gonna go for the long run, Stevie boy."

[yannaryartside]

Sydney Adamu: the chemist of the kitchen

I keep coming back to this moment, to this second in “Brigade”, not only because is one of my favorite Sydcarmy moments but also because it could give us a clue about Sydney’s future.

So, Sydney didn’t know about this dish previously. The camera made a point on focusing her face just minutes before, to show her thinking about Carmy was saying. Why do that if not to highlight the fact that Sydney was hearing about all this for the first time? There is also the possibility that the dish Sydney ate at Carmy’s restaurant was the one they were talking about. But even that, she had to figure out, how they made that particular texture. A discovery that took a chef, with more accreditations that she has ever had, an entire year to figure out. Hence the complete and utter impression that she knowing how to do it had on Carm. He has recognized her skills before but this was some other level shit, the first time he could suspect she could get to his level. There is a motif between Syd and the Vel fat, somebody pointed out that Carmy was buying some when he met with Claire for the first time in the season, as a signal that he was thinking of Syd and doing a dish that would interest her.

Now, I want to highlight the fact that Sydney’s discovery was on a chemical process, hence why it took this other chef some much time to figure it out. For them it was likely the result of repeated experiments in order to, maybe, get the right combination out of luck. The fact that Sydney made this discovery, even if she was thinking about it for a while before, is likely the result of mental analysis, not experiments, how could she have experimented with all this fancy ingredients Carmy had, all on her own?

Some fic writers had speculated that Syd may have a stem related degree, maybe in pure chemistry, man that would be so cool. Maybe she got burned out in becoming a chemist or just recognized her true passion.

All of this to say I think it would be cool if her knowledge becomes the base for creative process in the future. Maybe experiment or analysis will help her to come with ideas. Kinda “lessons in chemistry” type of thing. It will get her a voice that is distinct from Carmy’s.

[katyawriteswhump]

I’ll remember (for) you–steddie microfic

For @steddiemicrofic January prompt, Hole. Words: 404. Rating: M. Warnings: None. Tags: Steve has head trauma/PTSD, memory loss, protective Eddie.

***

“Honey, I’m already home,” calls Eddie, on hearing Steve’s key in the latch.

“What the f..? Should I call the fire brigade?” Steve steps inside, where romantic candles fill every corner. He and Eddie tumble into each other’s arms. “Uh, what’s the occasion?”

Didn’t think you’d remember… and that’s totally fine.

“Nothing.” Eddie’s lips brush Steve’s, kissing away the winter chill. “Only that we make the most of this palace with your parents gone, and that I love you.”

Steve flinches. Eddie’s heart bleeds, because that’s Steve’s pain talking.

“Love you too. Sorry. My head’s goddamn murdering me.” Steve rubs his brow. “Seriously, why the fancy shit—you wanna blowjob?”

“Nope, I mean, yeeeeah, always. It can wait, Babe.” You’re cold, tired and hurting. “I crave pizza. You?”

“I guess.” Steve shrugs, still dead weary. They slump on the couch, mainline pizza and TV.

“It’s bugging me.” Steve sinks his head onto Eddie’s shoulder. “Did we do something like this before?”

Eddie kisses Steve’s hair. “Not important.”

“It is! The candles and crap? You know my memory is holey at the best of times. Most of last year is a total black hole, and—"

“Even getting that Munson Rocks tatt on your butt?”

“Yeah, right, you’re hilarious, man… Holy shit!” Steve sits bolt upright, stricken. “Is it our anniversary? A year since we first hooked up?”

Eddie grins goofily, keeping it light. “Seriously, Stevie, it does noooot matter. Let’s make new memories waaay better than the old.”

“Jesus, I’m like a dumb goldfish. I swim round the bowl—everything’s gone.” Steve facepalms.

“Hey!” Eddie takes Steve’s hand, interweaves their fingers. “After that mauling from Hargrove, those multiple concussions—it’s not your fault.”

“We did this last year?”

“I lit marijuana sticks, which got us in deep shit, and we made out. And yeah, ate pizza.”

Steve crumples forward, pillowing his face in his arms. “I remember nothing.” His voice trembles. “Not a glimmer.”

“Let’s do NOW, huh?” Eddie gently squeezes Steve’s shoulders; only wishes he could really help. “How about a hot bubble bath?”

Steve peeps up, sucks his lip. “Get slippery and wet together?”

“Hell, yeah, Baby,” he husks in Steve’s ear. “My turn to make you come.”

Steve falls asleep long before they get to the bath. That’s just fine, too. “You don’t even need to remember I love you,” whispers Eddie, spooning Steve on the couch. “I will show you that fresh every day.”

[hourglassfish]

On Season 1, Episode 7 Part Three : Risottogate

OK look,

Go and get yourself an ecto cooler or something, cus this is long, OK? This is long.

You comfortable?

Alright, let’s go.

don't forget the Xanax!

Elevated Beef (stock)

There’s a connection drawn between Sydney and veal stock in the Bear. She spills it all over herself during Brigade. Claire interrupts Carmy purchasing veal stock for menu testing her bone broth idea at the end of 2:2.  It’s an interesting ingredient to align her with: a staple of French cuisine, something you’ll find in a professional high end kitchen but not necessarily at home, a distinctive, practical component which provides a subtle, solid umami base for a range of dishes.

The first time this connection is drawn is during one of my favourite interactions: the ‘plum haribo’ story in Brigade. Marcus has decorated his work station (I love him), and despite the fact that Carmy says he’s having flashbacks (eeeeeeek), I think he is happy to see this coming together of his two worlds.

They start talking about this fancy plum dish, and a gelee component (which will reappear in Honeydew!) that had to have a very specific texture. Carmy has been talking about the dedication needed to make this dish work with pride, presenting the texture of the gelee as a huge challenge, something it took someone a year to figure out. Sydney cracks it in less than a minute. Veal fat. She knows what’s needed, and she knows why: it congeals when it’s cold. Boom!

Carmy’s response to this always amuses me. He is not…dismayed exactly. Not quite. After all, it’s a reminder of her brilliance, and also that that world is not so far away.  That being said, she cuts across a punchline here; and what was a mystery to the best chefs in the world for a year is immediately obvious to her, to the extent that it’s not even really a flex on her part: she states it quite diffidently. Marcus’s gleeful ‘Mission Accomplished’ is very different from Carmy’s, which is a bit more ‘…oh.’.

On rewatches where I feel charitable, Carmy then implements the brigade cus he's been reminded that he has someone close by from that world, he has an ally that speaks his language, who is talented. On days when I feel less charitable, I combine this with him later talking her through the differences between stock/jus/demi-glace in front of Tina  like an asshole, and see him handing the brigade over at that specific moment, in the specific way that he does as passive aggressive. Most days I’m with the former! Still…we’re back in the grey areas of Syd and Carmy’s  dynamic. Where all the good shit is!

He's so glad she figured that out so quickly, absolutely not feeling a type of way about it, nope, not at all

I wanted to start with this story cus it opens up three things for me:

a) just a frisson, a hint, a delicious drop (!) of competition between Syd and Carmy 

b) the question, beloved by fanfic writers everywhere, of what the dynamic between these two might have been if they had met in a different context.

c) a third, messier thing, about Carmy going away, tooling up, coming back and it needing to be worth something, that going way. As far as he knows at this point, It didn’t achieve what it was meant to achieve, it didn’t get Mikey’s attention. Maybe he didn’t need to leave Chicago to do it. Sydney's talent tickles that tension, as does Marcus's (trios, trios!). So what was it for? What were the past few years of his life for, if a bunch of this stuff was in Chicago all along?

Who was Carmy away from Chicago? Who is he without his family? We’ve only seen one flashback so far, very much from inside Carmy’s head. The way he tells it is very different from what we see. At Al Anon, he describes himself like this:

‘when somebody new came into the restaurant to stage, I’d look at them like they were competition, like I’m gonna smoke this motherfucker’.

But you're tall and sexy, so don't worry about it babes

Gosh. Yes Chef!

I don’t think Carmy holds anything like this level of aggression towards any of the original staff of the Beef: it would be absurd: they don’t have his training or experience. For the most part we see doing the work of pulling a team together, which explicitly involves putting that kind of competitiveness to the side.

I don’t think he has this energy for Sydney.

Not quite.

I do think it’s an important thing for us to learn about his character. I do think that we are told it at the beginning of Episode 8, after Sydney has quit, because there are ugly feelings around the risotto dish. I do think that those feelings drive a lot of how Review goes down, and that Carmy knows this.  

This ferocious comparison and competition, used as a driving force, is a part of who Carmy is, and a part of the kitchens that he has come from. In another context, Sydney would have just been competition. And he’d have been trying to smoke her.

Let’s follow a humble bowl of risotto through THREE EPISODES, and about 5000 words, good GOD.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto: Unanticipated

I tried to find appetising pics of her cooking the risotto but mostly it doesn't look very aesthetic, so here is Syd in my fave of her scarves.

A Risotto, playing on ‘tongue in cheek’ is first tentatively pitched in Sheridan, as an idea for a new menu that they have ‘spoken about’. Carmy is… noncommittal. He’s not into it, but he doesn’t say that, he just doesn’t really engage. I think there are a bunch of valid reasons to not be into it, tbh. I’ve ordered risotto to go. It’s always kind of gluey and disappointing. Sydney isn’t given a clear no, so she decides to cook it: it becomes something she has to convince him on.

He doesn’t get to try it in this episode as there are drugs to sell and about a million different fires to fight. We know that she dreams about this dish though. In this episode she talks about how thinking about her mistakes with Sheridan Road keep her up at night,  but the last images of the episode are of her dreaming: beef… raspberries… cola… fire: there it is. Cola braised short rib. We’re back in the realm of deeply personal creative expression that I spoke about in part two. That anxious energy around failing with Sheridan Road? Is going somewhere else, is being transformed. This is important, and has the potential to be profoundly healing. This dish has meaning for her.

The dish returns in Ceres. Syd is an unstoppable force with the dish, and having said she wants to be listened to, is not listening to several requests from Carmy for more time. Stressful! He deals with it well, at first. He is calm, and polite and asks her to hold on. Which is not a no. But then -

 ‘I know everybody you used to work for, I called them before hiring you’

oooooh weeee.

There is nothing wrong with him seeking out references. His reasons are logical, and he’s transparent about them. Personally? I think it’s sensible to let employees know you’re seeking out references to avoid paranoia, but it’s not a legal requirement. People do it informally via whisper networks all the time, both purposefully and by accident. Gotta say though, the phrasing and the timing of this ‘reveal’ made me wince.

There are a million different theories of feedback, of how to give and receive it well. One argues that feedback must be asked for, accurate and measurable. If it’s not measurable, then you are nitpicking. If it’s not accurate, you’re hating. If it’s not asked for, or at least delivered in an environment where it’s anticipated, it is unlikely to be received well. Carmy, unfortunately, delivers a whopper of unanticipated feedback here: ‘me and all your old bosses (I know EVERYONE YOU USED TO WORK WITH)have been talking about you and they all agree on this flaw’.

YIKES

Would I let Syd stab me for a bowl of this? Maaaaybe. Maybe.

My reading is that he wanted to ask for her patience, and to say that his decision to pace out the changes is coming from experience, but he’s being backed into a corner, so he summons up the spectre of her old bosses for back up. Syd had opened up last episode, and is still very vulnerable about Sheridan, so he unintentionally wounds her here. We can read this in her response. He says her employers said she was smart, talented,  green and impatient, she hears ‘me and everyone you’ve worked for think your business failed because you were green and impatient, that’s why you’re here, and why this dish can’t go on the menu’. This dish is getting entangled in so many other things about where they’ve come from.

He does take the time to reframe it: outlines his practical concerns, and starts to articulate that he wants to maintain calm before they make more changes - 

And then Sugar is banging on the door, demonstrating his point.

At this point, Carmy is trying to build a parachute. They don’t have one when Jimmy comes to visit in Hands, but they do have one that becomes Richie’s bail by Braciole. Reserve building takes steady, dull consistency, but this isn’t communicated, and they don’t agree on a timeframe for the menu development, or even to come back to this conversation. This is small stuff, I know I sound nitpicky! But in my experience managing people, tension builds in the unknowns, in the places where there aren’t specifics, especially when you have a team member like Sydney who is ambitious and dynamic.

Sydney is firmly in the realm of the job that Carmy specified here. He is dialling business, she is doing everything else. If you’re a nerd and you zoom in on her CV, she has done menu development before. She is green, but not that green. She is impatient, but she also doesn’t have the same complicated relationship with change at the Beef that pretty much everyone else but Marcus does. The risotto is the first unofficial test of the impact of strain on their (messy ass) working dynamic, to Review’s much more official gauntlet.

Why would they write a proper CV and film it if they didn't want me to spend 5 minutes hitting pause repeatedly until I'd read it?

*squints* designed daily specials with complete creative control! At Alinea! A THREE STAR MICHELIN RESTAURANT! At the time they wrote this, it had held and retained those stars for twelve years! She is not new to this!

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Two: Unmeasurable

They try again with the risotto later. She is a little more patient, initially. She makes the effort and he thanks her for it. He tries it, which she really wanted (surely that will convince him!), and she has modified her request, from to-gos, to trying it as a special. Her equivalent of baby steps. She listened. She’s trying. Lovely Angel and my main man Ebra come by, taste and support Carmy’s ‘tremendous’.

But here Carmy gives feedback that isn’t measurable. It’s not perfect, but he doesn’t say why, even though he knows, and it’s an easy fix! He’s nitpicking, because he doesn’t, for a bunch of practical reasons, want to put risotto on the menu, but doesn’t want to shoot her down. He asks her if she understands after she has explicitly said that she doesn’t (cus he’s not being up front), and then doesn‘t explain himself. He’s not really asking if she understands, he’s telling her to stop. It’s not really the dish that’s not ready, not really, it’s him, he’s not ready to make a new raft of changes, to think through the gap between the Michelin star excellence he has come from, and the budgetary, practical restrains of where he’s at.

I think this is really fair. Or at least understandable. Carmy just wants to catch a breath, and he has to have oversight on so many different things at once, adding something else to that must feel terrifying. But the way he communicates this shuts down and restricts: he switches the dynamic from one where they listen to each other (which requires that they both explain themselves) to one where he tells and she does. It doesn’t really give her anywhere to go, so her frustration is inevitable and also understandable. Measurable feedback! Clarity. If you don’t want risotto on the menu Carmy, rip the band-aid, and say it, and say why. Get her to work on something that is going to fit with the menu in a different way, in the way that you want, and be clear about the way in which you want to shape it!

He knows he’s not been great here. Carmy apologises for ‘being shitty’ later in the episode (as others have noted, it’s a shit apology) and he also starts his apology with ‘needs acid’ in 1:8. He knows that a lot of Review is to do with this dish.

When Carmy apologises about being shitty later in Ceres, she doesn’t mention that she put the dish out earlier. It’s framed as a little moment of.. if not revenge, then a little something for herself. I think she knows it’s not OK, not really, or she’d have mentioned it, and her face says a lot when she says it’s cool.  I’m not a chef, I only ever worked FOH, but my instinct is that its dodgy and it fills me with unease. A grey area. A pop of tension.

Tracing the Journey of the Risotto Three: Hating

Whenever I think about the strikes, I think about the broader ensemble in this show.

The next time the risotto turns up, it’s being mentioned in a review. A lot happens here, so I’m gonna bullet point out all the references, then analyse some of them afterwards. I’m also gonna jump a whole bunch, cus I want to stay tightly focused on the risotto itself, and the dynamic between Syd and Carmy as relates to it:

Ebra reads the review out!

Syd has a lovely, gentle smile for Ebra as he reads it, her whole body relaxes as she taps at the tablet. This validation clearly means a lot to her. Ebra’s dynamic with both Sydney and Marcus is consistently a joy to behold. When he tells her in Dogs that she’s given Marcus a lot of confidence, she glows, and I think it’s something she really needed to hear. He’s subtle about it, but he never makes her life difficult when she implements the brigade. There’s something about the oldest member of the team, reading the review out, a little haltingly cus English isn’t his first language, that doubles down on the love that can be present in the Beef, making it all the more jarring when –

Carmy cuts across this and starts talking about the day’s opening with a ‘stop reading that shit’

Fam ‘that shit’ just described your food as elevated and elegant! In the foodie heaven that is Chicago! In your restaurant which is kind of failing! It’s your team’s first review since you’ve been there! So straight away you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, because what has got his knickers in a twist?

Carmy is justified in being pissed off about Syd’s actions here. What he is not justified in, is not finding a way to celebrate the review itself with his team, who deserve to have this moment. It’s a milestone for them to get some external validation, and the restaurant, quite frankly, needs it. A five star review! Tina squeals with delight when she hears it. Before a new program and a busy shift is the perfect moment to read this out, and go into the work feeling good. A united, gassed up team? Would have killed those to gos.

Sydney is also responsible for this messiness though. In going rogue the episode before, something which could have been about the team becomes about her in a way that is sticky, and it becomes harder to celebrate. It was not her intention, but this is the outcome.

Ebra ignores Carmy

(cus he’s redundant and white JK JK don’t cancel me)

There is a double edged shout out to the team

‘the staff moves are next level’: this is such brilliant, important feedback from a team that has had to weather so much change! Also calls back to Richie:  ‘Uh oh, Sydney making moves!’ in the car in Hands.

‘The sandwiches are so delicious as ever, but the standout dish that... that, that encapsulates all, this was the risotto with braised beef. The rice was luscious with a surprising ribbon of brine running through the sauce. The chef obviously knew what she was doing’

THAT REVIEWER IS A SNITCH

Did Syd know that reviewer was a reviewer? I dunno man. Maybe! She’s Chicago born and bred, knows the food scene well. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that she’d recognise him. Maybe she just wanted some good immediate feedback, while she was feeling shitty! Maybe all she wanted was him to send a message back to the kitchen that’s like tell Syd the risotto was great: the impact of his Review but on a much smaller, less disruptive scale.

I think it’s genuine coincidence, which unfortunately looks… not like that. The thing is: the reviewer being a reviewer isn’t what the issue is. The issue is giving food not signed off by her boss to a customer.  She'd have never gotten away with that at the places where she was before. Putting the dish out is going rogue, regardless of who she gives it to. It’s not a team move. If Carmy called in her old bosses for back up, she calls in his potential new customers. Eek. EEK.

Sydney desperately tries to get Ebra to shush, to no avail

(extremely funny work from Ayo, but also he’s pissed, and she either already knows it, or already antipates it – it’s hard to get a read on how long they’ve been in and when they learnt about the review)

‘river of brine, huh?’ 

Carmy, you little snark!!! This is very much his wheelhouse of expressing displeasure, he loves a little jab to the emotional solar plexus. My reading of his line is that what the reviewer tried and what Carmy tried are different, because if it had a ribbon of brine in it, I think that means that there was enough acid. Syd has two dishes, and she’s specific about Carmy trying one and not the other, so my reading here is that Carmy’s POV is not only did a dish go out of my kitchen without my sign off, but it was different from the dish I was given to try. Wince. Wince, wince, wince.

Sydney and Carmy have a fucking excruciating conversation.

Just the worst.

Carmy is not happy, but feels unable to voice this in a way that seems reasonable: he’s busy and stressed about to-gos, he hasn’t moved past the unreasonable feelings of resentment and annoyance to the clarity which enables you to articulate how you feel and why, and because Syd’s gamble paid off! It’s a net positive for the restaurant so it feels counterintuitive to reprimand her, but there is a conversation they need to have. He really does not want to have this conflict, because it’s complicated, and is, like most big blow outs over something small, about so much more than a plate of risotto.  He breezes over the conversation, but you can’t start with that ribbon of brine opener and then tell me shit’s not weird.

Compare this to Brigade, when Sydney is asked what’s up, and she is brave enough and vulnerable enough to be like – here are the things that weren’t OK, here are my expectations, here are my boundaries.

On the other side of the conversation, Sydney knows that she has slipped across a slightly odd boundary, but doesn’t acknowledge this. It’s good he liked it! All’s well that ends well. Right? RIGHT? But if he hadn’t? Very different conversation. It doesn’t matter who he is! He could have been anyone - someone that left a weird Instagram comment later, or someone who didn’t finish the meal and complained. Whatever the case may be, giving it to him unofficially was not an act of partnership, or listening, even if the initial communication was shitty.

She knows she’s overstepped,  but she doesn’t apologise and doesn’t acknowledge the specifics of what she’s done wrong, because she does not want to have the conflict that could come out of this either. She seeks affirmations that they are OK rather than trying to actually find out how Carmy feels and why, because at this point she doesn’t really want to hear it. She is seeking this conversation out 20 minutes before open! It’s not the time for a thorny, complex discussion.  

Compare this to Brigade. Carmy knows Sydney is pissed, and makes the effort to speak to her, in private, armed with the peace offering of Ebra’s Suqaar. He is very careful in that conversation to ask open questions (‘what’s going on with you? Say more?’) that enable her to respond honestly. He persists despite her having her walls up around the fact that she’s pissed. Sydney does not do this. The power dynamic makes it hard, but still. If she wants the connection needed to power reconciliation, that bravery needs to be in play.

are you sure we can't just power through this with sexual tension?

Sweeps congratulates her and tells her she’ll have to tell her dad

Hope Mr Adamu got a newspaper clipping!

Carmy says the sandwiches are totally different and the reviewer is a fucking hack. Syd looks sad.

This moment is why I opened this essay talking about veal stock. We are back in a moment with a gap between what has been said, and what has been heard. The reviewer said the sandwiches were delicious as ever. That’s not a criticism at all! These are not words that justify being called a hack! Carmy is pissed because the reviewer says they are delicious and they always have been, that Carmy has not improved on the staple that was there before him.

And that shit hurts his ego!

His whole thing was going off to learn ‘how to be better than mom and dad’s piece of shit’. We know he’s changed a bunch of things about the sandwiches. In Hands,  Sydney mentions that they’ve switched to market produce, which I’m sure is not unrelated to Richie’s ‘You’ve been here for two weeks and we’ve had money problems for two weeks’ in System. In Carmy’s time there, the bread’s changed, the method for cooking the beef has changed, the way they braise onions has changed.

To that customer? Delicious as ever.It’s not a dismissal, or an insult.  It is a reminder that Carmy didn’t have to leave, and go through all he went through, that there was delicious food and skills to be learned and refined without it. We know Michael was a talented chef. Even now, with all of where he’s been, Carmy cannot surpass him or his memory.

The person that does surpass that? Is Sydney. With food his palate did not deem good enough! Sydney who has not had to leave Chicago and her family. Sydney who has found a way to be creatively free, even at The Beef, in ways that Carmy has not really been able to, because his primary concern has to be money. There is understandable resentment here. But there is competition to the way Carmy cooks, something to prove, someone to smoke. There are reasonable feelings here, but some of them are really ugly, too.

Tina describes Syd as Jeff’s friend

This is a strange little line – because we know that Tina respects Syd as a chef at this point, and she doubles down on it later when she asks Syd to teach Louis skills, like she herself has been taught. So why’s it there? My feeling is that it’s there to remind the audience of what Syd and Carmy’s relationship is usually like. I wouldn’t call it friendship, I think they operate in a weird place that defies labels, but they have this synergy which drives the business. Tina evoking that in this moment draws attention to the fact that they are not in that space right now.

He's just got a very sweet face, it's hard for me to believe he's in trouble at school

Richie has a loud, performative conversation with Carmy about many things, but for the purpose of this section, he states that they don’t do risotto, asks if they’re going to, and Carmy definitively states that ‘no, they’re not going to do that’ he also repeats Syd’s phrasing that it was ‘an accident’

She stabbed the wrong ass if you ask me!

Nah, but for real, this is nasty work. I’m gonna come back to it in the next (penultimate!) bit of writing about the Beef, the Bear, Richie & Michael, Syd & Carmy. For now, I will simply say that Carmy is doing up major pass agg here, and it’s nasty to watch. He’s really, really unhappy with her,  and he’s struggling to hold it in, so it’s coming out in unhelpful and unpleasant ways that feel like humiliations in front of the whole team, and punishment.

There are really valid reasons for Carmy to be annoyed and to not want to talk about it right now.  The problem is that If you don’t create a pressure valve you take responsibility for, you will end up a) exploding instead (lol) and/or b) releasing that frustration in unhelpful and harmful ways.

They move towards this with their ASL sorry in Season Two. But here, Carmy says and implies a bunch of things to Richie that he needed to say explicitly to Syd two episodes ago, and two minutes ago: that he has no intention of putting risotto on the menu, and that he thinks her saying it was an accident was bullshit. He wants Syd to know it’s not OK without the hard, painful work of having to engage in conflict with her. It’s shitty.

Sweet Louis asks what a ribbon of brine is

He seems like a good boy, bring him back!

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT NEXT TIME HAPPENS

Richie, Syd and Carmy, it’s delicious (a nightmare).

Syd attempts a second conversation with Carmy – having vented some frustration  at Richie, and seeing how her workload is piling up and becoming untenable, she is much more open here. Carmy is not.

She’s blunt – we’re not on the same page. Carmy lies and deflects – we’re good, let’s get through the shift. He has his hands on his hips, with as much of his body turned away from her as possible, during this conversation, and walks off half way through it. Even if everything had gone right, this shift would have been a nightmare for Syd.

Everything is awesome!

The penultimate mention of the risotto is here. There is very little I can say that has not been brilliantly said by eatandsleepwell here - https://www.tumblr.com/hourglassfish/726487509540962304/eatandsleepwell-melonatures-this-one-second?source=share so I’m gonna link it.

That’s the last we hear of risotto for now, other than a quick reference to Syd as an arrogant and condescending ribbon of brine from Richie later. It doesn’t turn up on the tasting menu at the Bear, where it defo feels like a riff on risotto could have replaced one of their pasta dishes. That switch from rice to pasta feels pointed.

Spaghetti

Let’s treat The Beef as a character. If Sydney’s ingredient motif is veal stock, then The Beef’s is that family spaghetti.

Cheap and simple. Fucking delicious. Makes no sense and shouldn’t work, but was somehow the best seller on the menu. Distinctively Italian. Stuffed full of drug money(!). Always, always presented at the table with love, like a gift. You can elevate it if you want, but the fact of the matter is that even at its very best, it’s only gonna hit so hard cus it reminds you of simpler times, like the ratatouille (that is not a ratatouille!) from the movie Ratatouille.

Carmy rejects that meal at the top of the series. It ‘doesn’t make sense on the menu’, so he doesn’t care that people loved it. So far, so EMP. When he starts to cook it in episode one, it feels like a relenting to Richie’s bullying, and him throwing WHAT WE NOW KNOW WAS PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND DOLLARS in the bin at the end of the episode feels like this exhilarating rejection of mediocrity. They change the lines for System, but in the pilot, Carmy literally cannot make the spaghetti, that last lesson from Michael is a real missing puzzle piece.

In Braciole,  when he gets the recipe, he goes to cook it, for family. It’s really nice, that scene, feels comparable to Sydney making omelette. It’s quiet, and Carmy seems content, if wistful. The pork instead of beef panic of earlier is put to the side for now. The previous day, Carmy has gone to Al-Anon and confessed, unburdened himself. Then followed two quiet days and a blue hued night of atonement: he reaffirmed his commitment to Richie, paying his bail and keeping watch all night, gave Tina the night off, apologised to Marcus and acknowledged that his behaviour towards Sydney wasn’t acceptable, as well as speaking to her about her dish, like an adult. Carmy has to do all of this before he finds the money, before he gets the validation that he’s really longing for from his brother.

JAW getting his Emmy, his Golden Globe, his SAG Award, his Bafta, his future Oscar Winning role.

If The Bear at its core is about grief, and the void that Michael’s death leaves, then one of the big journeys of Season One is the subsequent death of the Beef, ready for its rebirth as The Bear in the following season. Review is the short sharp stab to the gut, of Sydney leaving, and taking any hope that it can be reformed as is, with her work. I don’t think the nature of a puncture wound, and the shortness of that episode are unrelated.

Braciole is more of a death rattle: Jimmy’s debt keeping them trapped in shitty work they don’t want to do, situations that spiral out of control and descend into violence, their parachute turned to bail money. But Michael wanted more for his brother than that, and he has left him a foundation. He does not have to burn the place down, there need not be smoke and hellfire. There’s another avenue for rebirth, one where ‘set this place on fire’ does not have to mean an insurance scam, but instead can mean an ignition of all their ambition and dreams.

To get there there has to be an ego death first, a moment of hubris that gets our protagonists fresh, and clean, so they can move to the new. Sydney sees and experiences the worst of herself (more on this in the final part!). Richie gets stabbed (more on this in the next part).

Carmy? Carmy has to encountera crisis where not only could his training not save him but many of the lessons he learnt while he was away and his reasons for going in the first place actively made the situation worse, and those that had faith in him and his preferred system turned away from him, deeply hurt. His ego gets in the way of connection, and it shatters the partnership that he needs to make it all work. He is clinging to old ways of being that has not served him, but he needs to move forward into what is new. And he does.

Well.

He tries.

SMDH

WHEW

Another long one, sorry fam. I’m almost there though. Am I sorry? No, I’m grateful if you read it, and I hope you enjoyed it.

I hope I’m pulling this together coherently, that I’m showing a sort of throughline to the way I view Episode 7. I don’t think Sydney is perfect! I do think her walking out is narratively and politically (the show wants better for the workplaces its drawn from) necessary, and I hate, hate, hate the simplification of that decision to ‘he shouted at her so she bailed’. Please, you can’t think this show is well written and think her decision is as simple as that, it doesn’t make sense. That exit is crafted so that it is inevitable, there is a movie’s worth of build up to it.

We’re looking at Richie, Syd and Carmy next time, fam. I am trying so hard to cut it down cus it’s currently sat at 15,000 words, but I’m gonna try really hard to edit down, OK? I’m gonna try really hard.

I can’t respond but I value reblogs and comments so much!

This is part of a five part series! You can find the rest here:

Expect More: Syd and Carmy's relationship,

I know you'll be listening: Marcus, McDonald's and Freedom

Risottogate

Hiring New Fucking Broads: Syd, Richie and conflict;

"That's Not You" The Moment Syd Walks Out

[orange-peony]

It's been a long time since I posted anything, but I've finally finished my fic for an exchange, so I can start a new project.

Here's some drarry, featuring werewolf Draco and a besotted Harry:

“I need you help,” he says, avoiding Harry’s eyes and looking extremely awkward in his tight, black robes.

His skinny legs look miles long, and Harry can’t help but cast an appreciative glance at his slender figure. Today, he tied his white-blond hair in an intricate braid. Harry would kill to slide this fingers through it and mess it up.

“Do you need me to dislodge the icicle that got stuck up your bum, Professor Malfoy?” Harry asks with a shit-eating grin.

Professor Flitwick chokes on his tea, and Neville lets out an inelegant snort as he covers his mouth with his hand.

Tagging (no pressure): @pato-roldnart, @bubble-gumhead, @artsyunderstudy, @rimeswithpurple @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @martsonmars, @thewholelemon , @letraspal, @crazybutgood , @okay-sky, @littlewinnow , @fatalfangirl, @cutestkilla, @j-nipper-95, @hushed-chorus, @facewithoutheart, @imagineacoolusername, @blackberrysummerblog, @tea-brigade, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @ebbpettier, @captain-aralias, @alexalexinii, @regretfulcorrine, @larkral, @leithillustration and anyone who fancies sharing their WIPs.

[kelpeigh]

Brigade of fancy feathered ladies coming in for brunch

[heroesspirit]

FANFICTION MASTER POST

You can find me on AO3 at meatjuice. My fics are all available under the readmore cut.

LONG FICS

Brothers in Blood and Spirit: (5/?) POVs: Eras, Legend, Wind.

Summary: Every hero has their weakness. For the captain, it’s his brothers. He will do anything to protect his brothers of the present, just as he did with his brother in the past. (Note: a good look into Eras’ past, this is an au where everything is the same except he has a little brother.)

The Nebula Brigade: (9/?) POVs: Twilight, Eras, Time.

Summary: The Hyrule Empire has reigned supreme for decades, gradually taking over countless planets in the solar system. The only thing standing between the Empire and complete control over the galaxy is a band of rebels. One exiled rebel encounters an Empire soldier and decides to spare his life, and he soon discovers the soldier may play a key role in bringing the Empire down. Despite all odds against them, they work together to bring peace back to the galaxy. (Note: Space au!)

Raise the Red Sails: (1/?) POVs: Spirit, Ravio, Twilight, Eras.

Summary: Hyrule has sent the Royal Navy after mysterious artifacts to uncover the location of the Triforce. Only with this power will they be able to put an end to the evils plaguing their land. The only thing that stands in their way is a band of pirates who seek the same goal of obtaining the Triforce for themselves. Only one group will emerge victorious. Or so they assume. (Note: I watched Our Flag Means Death and naturally had to make a pirate au.)

ONE SHOTS

Snow Day Off: (1143 words) POV: Four

Summary: Link experiences his first time making a snowman. (Note: for the HS Server’s December 2023 prompt ‘Snowed in’.

Fall From Grace: (1535 words) POV: Eras

Summary: Long hair is the sign of a fierce and skilled knight. To have one’s hair cut off by an opponent is the ultimate sign of defeat. To have one cut off their own hair is the ultimate sign of shame. (Notes: canon scene five years prior to the start of HS)

Lost Loftwing: (2207 words) POV: Sky

“Stand down,” Sky ordered with what little authority he could muster. He wasn’t used to that tone, he wasn’t fond of ordering people around. He was even less fond of people trying to kidnap and hurt his loftwing.

ONE SHOTS, BUT YEEHAW

It’s a Date: (919 words) POV: Eras

Summary: A sparring session turns into an admitting your feelings session.

A Horse by Any Other Name: (1531 words) POV: Eras

Summary: Sometimes the bond between a man and his borrowed horse can be so personal.

Dreams and Fireside Chats: (1788 words) POV: Eras

Summary: Link has an unpleasant dream and finds comfort in the kindness of those he's close to.

Bathhouse Boy Best Friends: (1629 words) POV: Twilight

Summary: Two bros, chillin' in a hot tub, five feet apart cause they might be gay??

The Wingman: (2555 words) POV: Sky

Summary: Sky copes with being touch starved naturally by trying to play matchmaker for his companions.

MISCELLANEOUS

At Ease, Captain: (7058 words) POV: HW Link

Summary: Link projects his problems onto his companions, specifically their Champion, but he's definitely okay and fine and not sleep-deprived. (Note: I wrote this at the same time I was creating HS! It’s also around the time when I first read LU. So this was written with neither in mind, but you can really see the prototypes of my versions peeking through in this one.)

The Captain’s Log: (2161 words) POV: LU Warriors

Summary: He dipped his pen in the inkwell and brought it to the paper, he frowned when he pressed too hard and made a large spot on the page. Link would never consider himself an artist, but he prided himself in his penmanship. During the war there was no time for fancy scripts and long words, his fellow captains were lucky if they got more than three lines of cucco scratch. Calligraphy was something he picked up later, he loved the way words flowed on paper. But now, his hands betrayed him. OR: One of those Warriors and Legend journal fics you always hear about but not really.

[shakertwelve]

Hey hii hello hiiii what do u think was Marquis trigger backstory? Since ur the professional on him and we don’t know shit about him(besides his apparent vampirism lmfao)

Interested in your marquis backstory thoughts because his power implies a lot but I can’t quite put it together - there’s SOMETHING that he feels the bones breaking each time and doesn’t show it but idk what. Forced to play into a role even as it causes agony? Macabre leaning? What’s goin on there

SO the first big thing about marquis's background is that i really don't think he grew up with any wealth or comfort at all—his cape persona is a performance that he's putting on to get as far as possible from his much more humble origins, imo. heathcliff stuff. obvious tension of identity there that fits with a changer power and also makes sense with his pain tolerance, which suggests he's had a lot of experience bearing through pain without any help, and the way he talks; he often sounds like he's picking his words deliberately and even trying to give off an air of sophistication, but he never actually uses any words that are especially fancy or obscure. ward messes with this a bit by making him act like an actual cartoon vampire sometimes, but i think i'm still pretty close to the mark.

at one point he mentions that his father was a doctor, but i don't think the man he's referring to there is his biological father—his wish for the brigade not to put amelia into the foster system makes me think he himself spent some time in the system and didn't enjoy it (pretty plausible, especially considering this would've been in the 70s and 80s) before he eventually ended up with the man he thinks of as his father, which is why he's hopeful that amelia will be alright if she's with a good family from the start.

if anything i think he probably grew up more like rachel than anyone else in the cast, but while rachel dealt with being treated badly by human society by forming connections with her dogs instead, marquis never totally gave up on the idea that he could prove himself to be worthy. his dedication to being a "noble" villain, to me, seems like it comes from an almost childish sense of fairness; he has to believe that if he makes himself respectable, people will recognize it and respect him, if he holds himself to a higher standard he won't just be treated as another criminal, if he chooses his words carefully enough he won't be misinterpreted, and if he trusts his daughter to the dallons they'll rise to the occasion and take care of her. it's something he notes makes it difficult for him to understand amy once they're reunited, because she lacks that same internal drive; she's already seen that no matter what she did, she was never really treated like she belonged in the dallon family, so she can't make herself care enough to try anymore. my guess is that it's different for marquis because he had a father figure he actually looked up to, who (in marquis's memories) was a self-made man who was respected on his own terms, and if his father did it right, he can, too.

in a literal sense, his power is the ability to contort himself into any shape that could possibly be wanted from him, but he has to keep breaking himself over and over again to do it—and he does! his shard doesn't even need to throw in anything to protect him from the pain, because he's already willing to do anything just to become someone who can be accepted like he wants. trying to describe the exact moment of his trigger would take more speculation (i could sketch out a timeline but i'd really just be making up the details), but i think those are the underlying issues that are already cooking in his head when it happens.

[thedarkcaustic]

So he’s a fancy man with a fancy ship and he travels with a brigade of imbeciles. 

Version 2 Ed / Stede / Revenge / Frenchie / Oluwande / Izzy / Jim / Lucius / Roach / Ivan / Fang

[cyanopicas]

i've been pondering so many thoughts. owl thoughts.

i think that heaven is definitely the blue brigade and the great tree is hell

god is the striga or whatever the one blue owl was. eventually god disappears and leaves the rest of heaven

the councillors take over in the chaos and stuff gets wacky from there

imo minos and sisyphus are the joint rulers of the great tree

sisyphus is in the colliering chaw, minos is perhaps navigation or something fancy like that. they're gay and in love and Ohhhh gayass kings. minos has a bit of girl power though

eventually perhaps the council goes to gabriel, who would be a blue brigade member and likely a higherup. This is so i can give him a bit of blue in his design

anyway they're like 'kill the kings or we might have to depronoun you'

so gabriel goes and kills them and takes over the great tree

and hes like Ok at being in charge. hes chilling but hes still listening to the councillors

then v1 shows up somehow (pure ones? not sure) and beats gabriel's ass so hard he develops the most embarrassing crush of all time

i'm leaning towards robot owl v1 at the moment

i will add a bit of robots to ga'hoole as a treat

perhaps before the humans disappeared they made some little robot guys

but then that leaves the pure ones bc i havent quite Figured Them Out yet

anyway gabriel has his angel of darkness amv moment and kills the whole council

not quite sure how to fit ferryman in this whole thing though ....

perhaps she lives by herself outside of all factions

[hypersonic04]

since you are the head of the teacher!ross brigade, ive had an idea in my head for YONKS and i dont think ill ever write it so

you're a teacher too, you went to uni with ross (and maybe had a thing with him on the dl) but havent seen him since then but when you start working at a new school surprise!! its the one he works at!! so you guys rekindle your friendship again and WHOOPS you guys get feelings and its just cuteness

This is just the most dreamy concept. You should 100% write a proper version of this, I would read and reread a million times over.

Oh my goodness, imagine seeing him for the first time in like, five or six years i'm thinking? You're a bit nervous - it's your first day at this new school, and yeah, you've been teaching for a few years now, but starting a new job is still super scary!

You're being shown around by a colleague, and you swear it's like slow motion when you walk into the staff room. He's sat there with a coffee in hand, brow furrowed as he marks an essay, his face concentrated. All of a sudden, you're 19 again, on a night out with all of your uni friends, a little bit too handsy with your flatmate's best friend and giggly from the amount of vodka cranberries you've had. You have to clear your throat and bring yourself back down to Earth when you realise that not only are you staring, but you're also a deep shade of crimson as you recall what else happened later that evening, and most evenings after that.

You probably manage to make a swift exit before he looks up, but he knows that voice anywhere. He immediately asks around to see who the new teacher is, and is pleasantly surprised to know that his memory serves him well. At lunch, he comes knocking on your classroom door.

I reckon he's a bit coy at first, memories of what the two of you used to get up to flashing into his mind as he asks how you've been and how you've ended up at the same school as him. You talk about your uni friends, where everyone's living now, the ones that have got married and had babies. It doesn't take long for you to slip back into that easy going, friendly rhythm of conversation, and it actually turns out to be pretty helpful to know someone at work. Seeing emails from him in your inbox makes you smile, even more so when he comes to sit at the back of your classroom as you teach (for 'training purposes only', apparently). He helps you out a lot, especially at the beginning when you're unfamiliar with the abbreviations they use in meetings and the marking procedures, and you end up being really close. It's just a really lovely friendship, and you find that if you're not teaching, you're sat gossiping together or trying to suppress your childish laughter in serious staff meetings.

As you said in your ask, they 100% end up catching feelings for one another. How could he not? He always thought you were really intelligent and funny when you were seeing each other the first time around, and six years down the line, not much has changed. He drives home with a ridiculously wide grin on his face the day you ask him if he fancies going for a drink after work some time, after weeks and weeks of contemplating asking you himself. He tells himself that if things go wrong, you're still friends and you have a really great working partnership, but really, he hopes he can get it right this time (no Oh Caroline pun intended).