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agentofteamvaliant · 2 years

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The First Date: A Sokeefe Short Story

Sophie Foster x Keefe Sencen

Fluff, light Stellarlune spoilers

Word count: 1,745

Summary: Keefe and Sophie prepare for their first real date. Keefe looks for a gift, and Sophie tries to look nice. Ironically, they both go to Biana for help.

I originally posted this on Wattpad but thought Tumble might enjoy it too.

I don't own Keeper of the Lost Cities.

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(Keefe’s pov:)

He wanted to get her something, needed to. It had been so long since they'd had time to hang out. Honestly, if he really thought about it, the last time they were alone was when he first kissed her...and she had kissed him back. No matter how much he smirked at her, winked at her, teased her, and tried to hide behind confidence, he still woke up giddy every morning knowing she had kissed him back.

But what was he supposed to get her? They didn't exactly have the most normal relationship.

Did they even have a relationship? He wasn't entirely sure.

Clearly, they had something; otherwise, the Mysterious Miss F. wouldn't fall into his arms every time they got bad news or leap up to hug him when they figured out even the smallest detail. Clearly, they had something because he was the one who got to kiss her goodbye every night, even if it was always after she made him promise not to do anything stupid without her.

His first thought was to ask Fitz; after all, Fitz was his best friend and Foster's Cognate. But just as he was about to leap to Everglen he stopped. What he was about to do clicked. He had been planning to go to Foster's ex-boyfriend, who had been really hurt when he found out she and Keefe had kissed, and who had probably not gotten over her that quickly, for help finding a gift.

What a stupid idea.

His next idea was to go to Dex: they had grown closer over the years, but...Dex had also had a crush on Sophie for a bit. And, during that time, had given her a few gifts. Thinking about it, Keefe didn't actually know how long Dex had like Foster. Besides, she'd be able to tell if he went to Dex for help.

Okay. So I need a new plan.

He sat back down and pulled out his Imparter.

"Biana Vacker," he said slowly, having not fully thought out what he was doing.

A moment later Biana's face popped up on his Imparter, though to Keefe it felt like hours.

"Honestly, don't either of you know how to date someone?" was the exclamation he heard first.

"What?" Keefe asked caught off guard.

"Your girlfriends here," Biana explained, then quickly added, "Well not right here. I left the room when you hailed. I figured you were hailing me because of something to do with your date, so...how can I help?"

"I...First of all, not sure she's my girlfriend–"

"Yeah, you're just two friends who kiss all the time and are constantly jumping into each other's arms," Biana cut him off sarcastically.

"I feel like I should get her a gift," he confessed, "but I only thought of that an hour ago and I can't figure out what to get her."

"Well, jewelry is always an option, though Sophie doesn't care about all that stuff as much as I do. I know my brother gave her a very cheesy teal heart necklace once, so don't do anything like that. He also used to try and bake stuff, but since you're going on a picnic and Edaline's cooking I wouldn't suggest you do that either."

"Okay, no cheesy heart necklaces in her 'favorite' color. And no cooking. You're so helpful... has she told you anything she wants?"

"Not really," Biana answered truthfully before joking, "If I were to ask her now though, she'd probably say you."

"Thank you. That gave me a perfect idea," he told her before turning back towards the Leapmaster and saying clearly, "Atlantis."

(Sophie’s pov:)

"Is everything alright?" Sophie asked when Biana walked back into her room.

"Probably," Biana responded. "Your boyfriend just needed help with something."

"He's not... we're not... I–" Sophie stumbled over the words.

"He's not your boyfriend, I know. He's just your friend who winks at you and smirks at you and who always has his arm draped around your shoulders."

"I want to wear something red," Sophie shot out, changing the subject.

"What?"

"Before he hailed you, you had asked me what I was thinking of wearing. I want to wear something nice. And red. And less fight-y than what I normally wear."

"So, like, a dress?" Biana asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yes," Sophie replied with a sigh, "But NOT a gown. And I'm not wearing the type of heels you normally wear."

"Sorry, all I'm hearing is that you want to wear a dress (which you never do) and that you want to wear heels...Who are you, and what have you done with Sophie Foster?"

Sophie laughed, "Biana, I'm going on a date, not into battle. And I find it as weird as you do, but I came to you because I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to clothes for the sake of looking nice."

"Oh, honey, we don't want you looking nice. Looking nice is for school and talking to the Council. We, want you to look good. Cute. Hot."

And with that, Biana turned towards her closet to begin the both organized and messy, task of finding something that both she and Sophie could agree on. And eventually, they did agree on something, with a surprisingly few number of compromises.

And so, Sophie left Everglen in a very pretty red dress. It was made of a velvety soft berry red satin. The dress pattern itself was a very simple a-line wrap dress. It had sleek bishop sleeves that fell three-fourths of the way down her arms. What made the dress so special was the detailing. It was adorned with pure gold embroidery. Flowers and swirls, stars and vines. And, as Biana made sure to point out, beautiful swans outlined in gold and filled in with black.

With the dress, Biana had convinced Sophie to wear very slight kitten heels. They were mostly black with gold swirls embossed onto the inward-facing side of the shoes and one-inch block heels that Sophie found to be surprisingly comfortable. And, "to top of the look," as Biana had put it, ruby earrings hung from Sophie's ears and a scattering of matching ruby hairpins decorated her braided headband like fresh morning dew decorated the pastures of Havenfield.

When the gates of the impressive Everglen estate closed behind her, Sophie could have sworn they sounded lighter than normal. As if even the cold metal gates were telling her to lighten up and enjoy one of the few quiet, comforting moments of her life.

With that, she raised her home crystal up toward the light, stepping into the beam and leaping back to Havenfeild.

When Sophie arrived back home, she immediately went to Havenfeild's beautiful kitchen.

"Well, don't you look pretty," Edaline commented.

"Thanks. Biana really worked her magic," Sophie said, before asking, "Where's the picnic box? I don't want to be late."

I also don't know where I'm going.

Unsurprisingly, given their quick planning, Sophie and Keefe had forgotten to set an actual place for their picnic date.

"Keefe already took it," Edaline explained. "He wanted me to tell you to meet him where Flori told Sandor and Grizel to go. I think he made that intentionally confusing because I have no idea where that is. I take it you do, though, given the mix of understanding and 'oh how sweet' that is your current facial expression."

Maybe it wasn't a mistake that we didn't set where to meet or where we were going. Maybe he had a plan.

"I do," Sophie replied.

As she left the house again and began to walk down through the pastures and trees, she couldn't help but reminisce about all the ways her life would be darker had she not realized that Keefe really liked her. And, that she liked him just as much.

Finally, she pushed back the curtain of vines blocking the hidden area from the rest of their cruel world. And, laid out on the ground in front of her was the most perfect sight ever.

Her not-yet-actually-boyfriend-but-still-definitely-dating boyfriend was sitting on the most cliche human-style picnic blanket surrounded by all of their favorite foods, moving each plate the tiniest bit so it would all be perfect.

And she couldn't help the tiny giggle that passed by her lips.

And his head immediately shot up so he was looking at her.

"Foster!"

"Hi, Keefe," she said, at first fighting the grin that was trying to spread across her face before giving up and letting her happiness shine through.

He jumped up, rambling, "I wanted to get you a present. You know, 'cause this is our first real date and all. And at first, it was really hard. And, I almost made the terrible mistake of going to Fitz for help, but instead I hailed Biana and she gave me the perfect idea. Wait here."

And with that, he disappeared behind a tree. Sophie wasn't sure if she should sit down yet or not, so she settled for leaning against a tree with the plan to take cues from Keefe.

He reemerged a moment later with a giant bow on his head. And not just any type of bow either. A big silk ribbon bow. The type with wire to support the bow someone might tie it in. And, as she studied it longer, Sophie realized that one side of the ribbon was an absolutely beautiful ice blue and the other was a stunning brown that shone gold in the light. Each of their eye colors was displayed on one side of the ribbon; a perfect balance of them.

Seeing her cocked eyebrow he explained, "I'm your present, Foster; if you'll have me."

"Are you asking me if you can be my boyfriend?"

"Yes."

"Which means you're asking me to be your girlfriend..."

"That would be how that works, yeah–"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"And–"

"I still have no regrets. And you aren't going to mess this up. You are already doing an amazing job. You have been doing an amazing job."

He went back to sitting on the picnic blanket and picked up one of the many delicious-looking treats Edaline had made for them.

"C'mere, Foster," he said, sounding almost dopey from the calm and content feeling they were sharing and patting the ground next to him.

And she obliged. Sitting down next to him, picking up one of the pastries, and leaning her head on his shoulder.

Keefe sighed, "I could get used to this...Sophie."

#keeper of the lost cities #sokeefe #team foster keefe #sophie foster #keefe sencen #fluff

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mallowmelt-down · 4 years

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*Entire plot of a Kotlc book*

Keefe: Messes up, runs away, blames himself for everything

Sophie: Either committing war crimes or not sleeping.

Fitz: We’re cognat-

Biana: Looks fabulous while carrying the friend group on her back

Dex: Helpful whenever they need him, disappears otherwise

Tam: Angst

Linh: Cinnamon roll angst

Maruca and Marella: Hey I have this ide-

Alvar: Gets trusted, betrays trust

All the parents minus Grady: Our kids can do whatever they want

Grady: First off, you’re grounded. Second off, that bo-

All the bodyguards: Get over here you little sh!ts

Elwin: Stop dying you little sh!ts, but also I love you and I would die for you

Council: *uselsss*

Black Swan: *spicy useless*

Lady Gisela: The change....

Fintan: ✨Arson✨

Ruy: *exists* Us:🥺

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squishmallow36 · 2 years

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Keeper of the Lost Prepositions - Sixty

Word count: 2.8k

Tw: canon-typical violence, misgendering as it pertains to Keefe

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @gaslight-gaetkeep-gayboss @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-fruity-frog @poppinspop @crystallinewalker @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @never-mourn-the-good @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @cotyledon-tomentosa @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @blossomsxgalorex @callum-hunt-is-bisexual

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Tuesday comes after many hours of work, mostly consisting of Fitz’s Alchemy homework, because he kept distracting me. It’s not his fault, though. Can’t blame him for genetics. And I slept for a lot of the remaining hours. Getting up early surprisingly makes you tired early.

But then going to bed two hours before usual doesn’t make getting up in the morning any easier.

When I do finally drag myself out of bed, I check my Imparter to make sure nothing has happened while I was away from it.

To my surprise, the virus I sent to Gisela finally came back with an IP address. I would be more excited that it actually worked if I were more awake.

I forward everything to Marella, trusting that she’ll share it with Linh, Maruca, and Stina before she torches the place.

I’m not going to risk waiting until the end of the day because then I would be the one getting torched, before the Neverseen are.

After that, I call functions getReadyForSchool() and goToSchool(), dragging the triplets along with me.

Because it’s Tuesday, the first class is PE. The best of days, it’s tolerable, the worst of days, it’s a horrible, horrible punishment.

Today’s going to be levitation, which typically falls closer to the latter end of the scale.

I’m tempted to fake a twisted ankle on one of the innumerable times I fall to escape to Elwin. I’m sure he’d understand.

But I keep watching Fitz out of the corner of my eye, mostly to make sure he doesn’t tweak his knee.

We’re released from our torture and escape to lunch. I know we talked about something there, but I’m more focused on the fact that Linh and Marella aren’t here.

I know exactly where they are and I just hope they haven’t gotten themselves into too much trouble. But going to rescue them without them calling through their panic switches could endanger them further.

So I sit here, worrying uselessly.

I only have so long before the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch and the beginning of Technopathy.

Lady Iskra tries to talk to me for the first fifteen minutes, per usual. In return, I give her as few details about what I’ve been doing recently, also per usual.

During the first maybe half of class, Lady Iskra has me test a new function for the next update of Imparters, before letting me go work on whatever project I want.

It’s very similar to the arrangement I had with Tinker, now that I think about it.

No, brain, Lady Iskra can’t possibly be Tinker. They’re in Black Swan custody, for starters.

I get a livestream set up with Sophie so that if Gisela does happen to hail me, he can see it as it’s happening. No information delay that way.

Hopefully Tiergan doesn’t mind too much if her Imparter goes off in the middle of Fitzphie cognate training time. Hm. I have much less jealousy over that than I would have a few months ago.

Although I wouldn’t admit that I was jealous. And I still thought I was straight at that point. That could’ve been an interesting train of thought back then.

Once I think the code is working, I ask Sophie to run a trial just to make sure it all works. Because pretty much nothing will work on the first try, but it compiles and the audio is so far understandable. There’s no way to know how long before the whole system collapses. Better to not stress it until we need it.

Technology can be like that sometimes.

When the room shakes with a low vibration, I should have known that my program working was a bad sign.

You are literally next to Galvin’s classroom. The kid next door must’ve blown up yet another one of their lessons. I should offer to help. Maybe when I don’t have to worry about the Neverseen on a daily basis.

I go back to my work, cleaning up the comments on my new screen recording program so maybe it’ll hold itself together a little more if the compiler doesn’t have to read them through all the loops.

That’s not how that works but I’m still hopeful.

My Imparter buzzes on the table, and I’m kind of expecting it to be from Fitz, but no. It wouldn’t be that simple.

It would be from Gisela, telling me to get myself out of class, whatever excuse I had to make.

I tell Lady Iskra, “I have to go to the bathroom,” to which she lets me go without arguing.

While I’m walking, I shoot Sophie a text explaining that we’re going to have to enact my plan sooner than expected. As in the next five minutes or less.

I lock myself into the bathroom, hoping that no one bothers me in here before messaging Gisela, Okay. I’ve got like five minutes. Make this quick.

I connect the livestream so Sophie can hear everything going on, and Gisela hails me somewhere in the land of ten to fifteen seconds later.

“Dexter,” she greets, video not connecting over the Imparter.

“Gisela,” I reply, turning the camera towards the ceiling. She has no need to see me.

“Get your new gadgety thing you finished yesterday and come meet me in the cafeteria. I’ll explain more when you get here.”

She clicks off. “Why on Earth did you have to hail me then?” I grumble, angry that I set up the whole screen recording program.

“Sophie, Fitz, hopefully you can hear me but I’m going to keep you on for the moment. You’ll get dragged into this mess soon enough, you might as well stay updated.”

I get to the Cafeteria, after grabbing the ability amplifier from my locker, and Gisela isn’t there. I don’t let myself hope that she fell over like the beginning of an episode of House in the last three minutes.

But no, she just hung back to make a dramatic entrance. The entire Neverseen used to be headed by Fintan. It’s expected that dramatic entrances are part of their training.

I wonder if I’ll stick around long enough for that.

“Thank you for meeting me, Dexter. Would you be so gracious as to give me the gadget?”

“Not if you keep calling me Dexter,” I mutter, giving it to her.

“What?”

“Nothing! Nothing.”

She studies me for a moment before deciding that it isn’t worth it. “You’ve been most helpful. Now, could you do one more thing for me? Could you call Sophie and Fitz over here? I’m sure you can figure out a reason.”

I pull out my Imparter, shutting off the livestream, so it doesn’t echo when I hail Sophie.

“Hey, Sophie. Sorry to bother you, but can you and Fitz meet me in the Cafeteria? Tell Tiergan hi for me.”

“Yeah,” she replies. “Just give me one second to get down there.”

In fact, he takes thirty-six seconds to get here, and when she notices Gisela, he does his best to look surprised.

Fitz is less successful than she is.

“Sophie, Fitz, it’s so nice to see you here. How have you been?” Gisela says, sickeningly sweet.

I can hear Fitz’s knuckles pop in response from across the room.

“I’ve been well, thanks for asking. Now, I don’t want to waste any more of your time than I must. Do either of you know where Keefe is? That goes for your bodyguards as well.”

Fitz snorts, and Sophie barely bites back an insult. I can tell when he wants to go off on someone. Usually it’s Alvar, though.

“Fine. I gave you a chance. I guess we’ll have to do this the hard way.”

I keep myself from smiling with some difficulty because I am getting some serious Mother Gothel vibes from Gisela right now.

Distracted for a moment, I don’t see the cloaked Neverseen member enter the room.

Gisela asks, “Are you absolutely certain you don’t know where my son is?”

“Yeah, um, about that,” Fitz begins, and Gisela’s face lifts with tentative hope. “Your kid, Keefe, is nonbinary and uses all neopronouns. I know you won’t actually acknowledge that fact, but it’d be wrong to not correct you. Also, while we’re at it, zae’s pansexual.”

Ooh, that’s a fun neo set.

“And how, exactly, did you come to know this information?”

“Maybe ce told me, did you think of that?” Fitz snaps.

Knowing he isn’t going to give up any information easily, Gisela makes a hand gesture to the very mysterious cloaked figure, who throws Fitz against the wall with a strong wind.

A sound escapes my throat, and I very narrowly avoid running to him.

“Did that happen to jog your memory?”

Gisela waits for a second before her presumably-guster-maybe-Trix cloaked friend starts cutting off Fitz’s air supply.

Star Wars force choking, anyone?

This is not the time, Dex.

Fitz’s hands fly up to his throat on instanct, and he gasps for breath that doesn’t come.

With each wheeze, I feel my will crumble.

I can’t let anything happen to him. Not while I can do something to prevent it.

“Stop it, stop it!” I yell. Fitz is starting to turn blue, and I can’t take it anymore.

Gisela turns to me. “Well, this is most unexpected.”

“I know where Keefe is. Do you want me to drag zir here myself?”

“Depends. Why did it take you so long to volunteer this information?”

“You didn’t ask,” I shrug. I know it’s a low effort explanation, but I don’t have anything better.

Gisela considers for a second before allowing, “Thank you, Dexter. You’ve been extraordinarily helpful.”

I turn to Fitz and Sophie, mouthing, “Sorry,” before running over to the Leapmaster and leaping to Everglen.

I race up the stairs and down the halls I’ve been down so many times before.

Opening the door, I’m half expecting Keefe to have taken over Fitz’s room, but ze’s hiding in his absolutely massive closet.

“Sorry, Keefe.” I say, noting how much I must have scared vem, throwing open hir door like that.

I kneel down in front of aer. “I need your help. Do you remember Fitz telling you about a vocal cord paralyzer? He probably didn’t use those words, knowing him. But did he ever mention some sort of alchemical solution at some point?”

Keefe hesitates.

“Please, Keefe. I need to know where he stashed it.”

Keefe shakes jaer head, scribbling out a note. Already been used.

I deflate. “Keefe, I need you to keep your mouth shut for me, okay?”

Ae pulls out a roll of duct tape and tapes syr mouth shut.

“I’d explain more, but it’s a very long story that we don’t have time for retelling, and I need you to come with me.”

Keefe gives me a note with a single word: Gisela?

I nod solemnly.

Keefe stands, tapping cer foot to get rid of the nervous energy pent up inside zem. Sae pulls me up, hand shaking ever so slightly.

I wrap nym in a hug, trying to communicate how sorry I am about everything that's happening and my part to help it progress without apologising a hundred thousand times.

Pulling away, I say, “You don’t have to do this. I could say that you’ve run off again.”

Keefe shakes ver head, trying to open lim mouth against the duct tape to explain. I know it’s basically going to boil down to nir tendency for self-sacrifice, more than likely for Sophie’s sake. I’ve heard that speech enough times by now.

Stars, I hate this. And I’m largely to blame. I should have just stayed irrelevant.

Keefe, being the empath that ey are, senses that train of thought and does faer best to give me a look that communicates that I should stop it in its tracks.

There’s time for self-pity later.

I take vim by the elbow and lead xir to the leapmaster, wrapping my consciousness around nem to make sure ce doesn’t take this as an attempt to escape.

We walk back down to the cafeteria, and Keefe starts acting like kyr’s being brought along involuntarily. I already gave zem a chance to escape and nix has never changed hir mind as long as I’ve known caer, so I know it’s not genuine.

“Ke’s here,” I say once I’m actually in the room, still holding on to Keefe.

Gisela turns to me. “I thank you. Now, if you’d bring him here.” She holds out a hand, the amplifier in the other.

“Not if you’re going to keep misgendering em.”

She fixes a glare on me. “Need I remind you that you aren’t the one with bargaining chips here?”

I turn to maybe-Trix before Gisela has the chance to make them suffocate anyone in the room. “Trix, that’s your name, right?”

They nod.

“Agree or disagree? Respecting people’s names and pronouns is a basic right.”

I can’t see their face but when Gisela gestures to them, a light breeze makes goosebumps rise along my arms. I look around, terrified of who’s going to be suffocated next, but it doesn’t come.

Slowly, I allow myself to believe that at least one Neverseen member isn’t a total dirtbag. Still mostly, though, but not totally.

Gisela glances around, wondering why nothing’s happening. It’d be entertaining if she wasn’t such a manipulative witch.

“Fine, then, Dexter. Have it your way.” Gisela makes a face before holding out her hand once again. I have a feeling she’s going to avoid pronouns at all costs, but that’s better than nothing.

“She keeps calling you Dexter. What’s up with that?” Fitz’s accented voice asks. Stars, it’s so nice to hear him not choking on his own hyoid bone.

It’s kind of pathetic that that has to be the standard of expectations.

Not one to miss such a perfect opportunity, I reply, “Well, at least it’s better than Deck.”

“That was one time!” Fitz snaps. “Plus, we have that whole agreement thing that you’d break up with me if I did it again.”

I hold back a smile with difficulty.

Meanwhile, Gisela looks ready to recite the entire dictionary of swear words. Fitz does too, to a lesser extent.

But he’s capable of pulling himself together today and steps forward, voice low. “And I swear to each and every star in the sky that if you hurt my boyfriend, I will not hesitate to hurt you.”

He’s so sweet, isn’t he?

“Same goes for him. Although he’s probably the scarier one,” I reply.

“That’s simply because they haven’t spent enough time with you to know that you’re scary when you want to be.”

Gisela sighs. “Yes, yes, this is all very interesting. Are we going to stand around all day and listen to you two drool over each other?”

“I won’t object to that,” I say, and Fitz smiles.

“The correct answer is no,” Gisela snaps. “And you’re going to make good soldiers for my army.”

“I read somewhere that the Spartan army was made up of gay couples,” Sophie says.

“Also Achilles and Patroclus,” Fitz adds.

“All of Ancient Greece. Very gay.” I generalize.

“How do you people keep driving the conversation back to that?” Gisela grumbles. “You know what? I have my so--Keefe and he has the ability to make you all shut up.”

Fitz remarks, “You were doing so well…and then you went and messed up the pronouns.”

In response, Gisela tears the tape off of Keefe’s mouth before nodding to Trix.

They throw Sophie against the wall the same way they threw Fitz against the wall earlier, holding back from total suffocation.

Gisela takes a breath, looking at Keefe.

Fitz takes this opportunity to transmit to me, Hey, Dex, you might want to put in your earbuds if you have them on you. Keep you from hearing Keefe.

I should’ve had that idea, I think, only a little envious, stuffing my earbuds into my ears and hiding the cord the best I can in my school tunic.

I can still hear Keefe’s tapping foot, though slightly muffled, so I go and turn on white noise. It’ll be my best bet to make sure I don’t end up hearing zem accidentally.

Gisela puts earplugs into her ears, gesturing to Trix to do the same.

She says something that I can’t make out, and Keefe gives her a look.

Gisela launches into a very long speech, talking with her hands until Keefe can’t take it anymore and barely dares to whisper, as far as I can read from cir lips, “Control.”

#hey look it's a plot #are you proud of me #you should be #kotlc #detz #dex dizznee #fitz vacker #kotlc fanfic

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enbies-and-felonies · 4 years

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Heather

@illavarasi @lemontarto @clearlykeefitz @book-limerence @sprintingkoala @anna-without-an-e @everyonehasthoughts @ultralazycreatorfan @vibing-in-the-void @impostertamsong @littlemisscupcake @keeper-of-the-lost-queers @dragonwinnie @an-absolute-travesty @callas-starkflower-stew

~writing strike is over~

Summary: Fitz watches as he slowly loses Keefe, based off of this post.

warnings: internalized homophobia, swearing, general angst (and a rant that ties in heavily to current events) and caps (yelling)

~I still remember, before I brought her to the cities~

He was beautiful. Fitz had told a joke and now Keefe was laughing, and he was beautiful. Fitz wondered why his father had glared at the two men they had seen kissing at the Atlantis tea shop they had been visiting that evening. Kissing Keefe would have felt so. Right.

But he was only thirteen, so what did Fitz know?

~you and I together / you said we’d be forever, and I had hoped it was true~

“Another pair of crush cuffs,” Keefe said mockingly, but his smirk betrayed his words.

Fitz rolled his eyes. “I’m not gonna wear them anyway, I don’t like her.” He didn’t like any of the girls.

“Well why not?! I’m sure-” Keefe paused to read the cuff’s, “-Azula is a darling girl.”

“I couldn't care less. Girls are too... complicated. I’d much rather just hang out with someone I already know I like.”

Keefe flopped onto the bed beside him, “Like your best friend? Who got you all the ladies to begin with?” He turned over to his side and waggled his eyebrows at Fitz, who rolled his eyes in response.

“Girls break people’s hearts. They leave.” Fitz said. Not my heart, he thought.

“Well, I’ll never leave you, Roy. We’ll be forever besties.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

~ only if you knew, how much I liked you / but I watch your eyes as she / walks by ~

“So Foster was obviously not sleeping, like she always does, and I-”

Keefe was rambling about Sophie, and Fitz’s heart was breaking. It was breaking and it didn’t matter because he was gay and he could never have been with Keefe anyway, but why did Keefe have to love her? Why couldn’t he just stay with Fitz forever?

“-but I guess it didn’t matter because after that she looked at me with those doe eyes, and Princey? I think- I think I might be falling for her.”

~replacing me in your mind, smile brighter than the sun in the sky / she’s got you mesmerized, while I’m crying~

“Hey Keefe, do you want to hang out tonight? I got this super cool elixir from Dex, and I want to see how it turns out. It would be perfect for pranking your dad.” Fitz smiled hopefully. Sure, Keefe liked Sophie, but they were still friends, they could still-

“Sorry Roo, another time? Sophie and I, and Linh and Marella, are gonna go to Atlantis to check out this hair stylist. Sophie wants to see me in braids, and I don’t trust Biana with my lovely locks. I didn’t get this head of hair by trusting lesbians with it after all.” His eyes twinkled like they always did, and Fitz swallowed hard to ignore the twinge in his chest.

“No problem, Keefe. Another time.” His eyes prickled as the imparter went dark.

He wondered if Keefe remembered letting Fitz place a misshapen flower crown on his head after Fitz had painstakingly done small braids in his blonde hair. He wondered if he even cared.

~Why would you ever kiss me? / I’m not even half as pretty~

Fitz breathed in the sweet smell of Panakes flowers as he held Keefe’s hand, their fingers loosely linked.

“Hey, let’s dance.” Keefe tugged him to his feet, and Fitz dragged his gaze away from the stars.

“Why?” He asked, laughing, “We don’t even know how to.”

Keefe only grinned in response, so Fitz rolled his eyes and stood, placing his right hand on Keefe’s left shoulder and blushing when his breath hitched as Keefe placed his hand fully on Fitz’s waist. His ice-blue eyes twinkled and he smirked.

“I’ve got you, Roo.” He whispered, and Fitz let his heart race as Keefe pulled them close together, chests brushing, the side of his cheek brushing against Fitz’s ear.

And they danced, swaying gently back and forth, the only music the in-sync beating of their hearts.

Eventually Keefe drew back slightly, just enough to look Fitz in his teal eyes.

“May I...?” He whispered, breath feather-soft against Fitz’s lips. Keefe’s grip tightened on his hip as Fitz nodded, and he leaned in.

The brush of his lips was like a memory, and Fitz found himself closing his eyes as his heart burst into a thousand different colours of love and wistfulness and he felt complete and shattered at the same time-

He blinked as he woke up. A tear slid down the side of his face. He shut his eyes tight, trying recapture even the slightest moment from the dream, but it was gone.

~you gave her your artwork, its just pen and paper / but you like her better / (I wish I were Foster)~

“You’ve been pretty quiet lately, Wonderboy. What’s up?” Keefe lay on the floor, legs swinging as he sketched something. Fitz looked up from his book ‘Wuthering Heights’ (a human book that so far had been nothing but depressing) and sighed.

“I haven’t been sleeping well, and I don’t know why.” Half-truth, since he really hadn’t been sleeping well, but he knew exactly why. Just like he knew Keefe probably wouldn’t push it.

Or maybe he didn’t, because the next words out of Keefe’s mouth were, “Really? There seems to be more on your mind than just that, Roy.” He looked up from the paper and blew a strand of hair from his eyes.

Fitz closed his book. Convincing Keefe was going to be harder than he had assumed.

“I guess... I don’t know. I’m just...” FUCK FUCK FUCK, WHAT SHOULD HE SAY?!

“I’m worried about the future. I mean, how is being thrown into one of the biggest historical upheavals going to affect us? We’re just kids!! But we’re being expected to fight these people, and the adults around us don’t even help us the way we need them to?? Years from now, will it even be over? Why do WE have to be the ones to change the world?

“They don’t give us authority, but they burden us with responsibility. Do they honestly think it won’t affect us? The world is going to hell and we’re still expected to do good in school and keep our heads down like it isn’t OUR future that’s being shitted on. Like the people who have the power to do something aren’t sitting on their ASSES doing absolutely fucking NOTHING?!

“People can make as many fucking jokes about us being lazy, when in reality we’re fucking world weary at an age where we’re not even old enough to fucking DRINK.”

Damn, maybe he was better at covering the real reason for his sleep than he thought... At least this part wasn’t a lie.

“Fuck, Fitz. That’s heavy...” Keefe rolled over and sat up, “That’s what’s going on? Fuck, if I knew that I wouldn’t have teased you about it.”

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something else, but the words changed before they came out, “I kinda feel the same way. I just don’t know what to do about it, so I make jokes. It doesn’t always help, but at least I don’t have to face the fear that.... well, y’know.”

They sat that way for a long, silent stretch before Fitz cleared his throat.

“Whatcha, um- What are ya drawing?”

Keefe looked at Fitz’s eyes another long second before picking up the piece of paper and studying it. “It’s a drawing for Foster. It’s when we rode on Silveny to heal her abilities. I figured it’d be a good gift since I plan on... I mean, I’m gonna try to ask her out.”

Oh.

Fitz forced a smile, “It looks good, Keefe. She’ll love it.”

“You sure?” It was one of the only times Fitz had seen Keefe nervous, and for a moment Fitz was tempted to shout ‘NO, of COURSE not’ and jump across the room before tearing it to shreds, but then he was overcome by guilt and he nodded.

“I’m absolutely sure, Keefe,” He stated, voice thick, “Cognates, remember?”

Keefe took a deep breath, “Yeah, thanks Wonderboy.” He smiled and tucked the picture into his pocket.

Fitz turned back to his book, the tears in his eyes blurring the words into a mess.

~ Oohhh, Oooohhh, wish I were Foster~

She said yes. Of course she said yes. Keefe was perfect for her, and everyone could see it.

And Fitz was happy for them -they were his two best friends!- he just. Wished that it was Fitz that Keefe had been happy with. Wished that it was him that he had loved.

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malewifegradyruewen · 3 years

Text

here’s 163 words of wholesome friend and sibling content

prompt from @i-love-side-characters

prompt: “my dearest sister, did you seriously think that would work?”

-:-:-

she was almost there. if she could just sneak around those trees, then she’d only have to run up the hill and win. she could see her teammate across the clearing, sneaking around the trees opposite.

she signaled across the way. the path was clear, the time was now. both of them started running. the target was clear. victory was in reach until-

“gotcha! you’re out!” fitz’s voice rang out across the clearing atop the small hill. “my dearest sister, did you seriously think that would work? you’ve never won base quest, ever!”

“aww, shut up,” biana pushed him a bit. “let me guess, cognates? you and sophie are unbelievable.”

“what? we’d never use our telepathy to win base quest!” sophie said, the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

“good, because i need foster on my team. we’re gonna win!” keefe added as he joined them.

biana glanced at her brother. “what do you say? vackers for the win?”

he nodded. “let’s get ‘em!”

#jolie’s shitty writing

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starsofatlantis · 4 years

Note

How do you feel when someone calls Fitz a jerk after reading Legacy and saw Fitz lost control and shouted at Sophie ?

oh boy is this going to be controversial

i... don’t think his reaction was uncalled for.

let’s review.

throughout the series fitz’s family is described as, ‘practically royalty’, famous, one of the most important elven families. he also has many relatives who are/were important political figures.

that’s bound to cause an unhealthy obsession with one’s reputation.

fitz himself has been described as the golden boy. he has been one of the most powerful telepaths since the age of thirteen, a lot of attention has been put on him not only because he’s a vacker but also because of how talented he is. not to mention during his childhood he was constantly disappearing, which is sure to raise some eyes.

growing up under the public eye? it ain’t easy. even if you’re an elf.

his whole life he’s been expected to be perfect and have no cracks. you can’t expect him to change overnight- even for a girl he obviously cares deeply about.

in legacy, it takes fitz coming over to havenfield for sophie to actually talk to him, but she was anxious and scared- and for good reason. we all know fitz has never been very good at dealing with painful emotions healthily.

but he does.

“i want you to remember me sitting here with you, not freaking out or causing any of the drama you’ve been worrying about, okay? i know i haven’t always been great about that—but i’m working on it. so i need you to start working on trusting me—because having you avoid me like you’ve been doing really hurts. and finding out you’ve been hiding something this important totally sucks. and knowing you confided in other people before telling me makes it even worse.” legacy, pg 245

even fitz understands why sophie’s been avoiding him, and he’s trying to fix it. he tells her how he feels and what he wishes she would’ve done instead, but he gets why sophie did what she did and he doesn’t fault her for it.

if that’s not handling it maturely- then i don’t know what is.

then he screws everything up with his views on matchmaking. but thinking about his upbringing? those views are completely understandable and i can’t fault him for having them.

because sophie was brought up by humans, she can see how harmful matchmaking can be. because dex is the son of a bad match, he can see how harmful matchmaking can be. because no one else was raised with the pressure of being a vacker- besides biana but even she wasn’t raised with the ‘golden boy’ mentality fitz was- they can see how harmful matchmaking can be. you have to put yourself in his shoes instead of just writing him off as insentive. he doesn’t understand why it’s bad because he’s never experienced the downside of it. he’s only ever seen positives, but that doesn’t make him a bad person.

sure, he doesn’t try to understand, but that’s because no one else tries to explain how bad it’s bad and who it’s hurt, even sophie hasn’t- she’s only ever thought about it.

onto their actual breakup.

i think fitz has every reason to be upset, and i also think sophie has every reason to be upset. there’s no right or wrong.

the problem though, is the fact that neither of them try to understand why the other one feels the way they do. fitz doesn’t try to see why sophie let alvar go, and sophie doesn’t try to understand the full extent of all the emotions fitz is feeling. neither of them are very good at communicating, which is kinda ironic considering they’re cognates, which was the real downfall of their relationship. but they figure out that argument.

then they move on to sophie’s mom.

sophie continually tells fitz she can’t tell him who she is and at first, fitz gets it... until sophie says she can’t tell him- ever.

we all know the most important thing to fitz is trust. he doesn’t realize why sophie won’t tell him because he’s always trusted sophie to tell him whatever whenever she’s ready. there couldn’t be anything so bad she can’t tell him, could there?

but he lets it go.

then he asks about the match.

to him, it’s a simple question, because to him, matchmaking is simple.

to sophie, it’s the question that breaks everything, because to her, matchmaking is anything but simple.

fitz goes onto to talk about how they should discuss her decision together and how it doesn’t just affect her. and honestly? i don’t think he was out of line.

it’s clear now that this is something fitz wants for life, and a relationship isn’t just one person. it’s sacrifice, and it’s compromise.

so fitz is right. sophie deciding she’ll stay unmatchable doesn’t just affect her. it affects him too, because he doesn’t want anyone else. he says so in flashback. at the end of the day, it is still her choice, but that doesn’t mean her and fitz can’t discuss it.

before he leaves fitz repeats why he doesn’t understand, and it’s not his fault he doesn’t. sophie chooses not to help him understand by not telling him who her mom is, but that doesn’t mean she’s to blame either. once again, neither one of them try to see the other persons side. it wasn’t fitz’s fault they broke up and it wasn’t sophie’s fault. fitz isn’t a jerk for think her decision is the wrong one. it’s an opinion. we all have them. fitz gets to have his, but sophie gets to have hers too.

the only reason we think fitz was in the wrong is because we only see how sophie feels, we only hear her thoughts, we only see the stress she’s been under. we don’t see fitz’s feelings. we’re behaving just like sophie and fitz. refusing to listen because of our emotions.

i truly think if they’d both sat down and talked calmly, ignoring how they feel and instead listening to what the other one thinks, maybe their breakup could’ve been avoided.

sorry this came out so long lol but this was such a good question and something i’ve been dying to talk about so thank you so much for your ask!!

#WOOHOO MY FIRST ASK #this is so long oh my #kotlc fandom #relationship #fitz vacker #stan fitz vacker or perish #sophie foster #sophitz #kotlc legacy #kotlc ships #kotlc sophie #kotlc fitz #kotlc

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a-lonely-tatertot · 4 years

Text

Finding Home

A/n: Hey this will be a multi chapter fic with a bunch of different ships and characters in it (expect them to all be gay in some way) this is based off of a set of hcs from @linhamon-roll as always this was betaed by the lovely @bookwyrminspiration and I am extremely grateful for faer help! (Also if you guys like this enough tell me if you want a tag list for it, @everyonehasthoughts whoops posted this one instead)

Tw: talk of nightmares (if there’s more please tell me)

word count: 2760

Chapter 1: Back to the Beginning

Breathe.

“I’m not going to the upper levels,” the words spilled out of her mouth before she could stop them. Wide eyes stared at her from all around the room. She managed to count three breaths before the inevitable outburst.

“What?!” Grady shouted. He’s not angry at you, she reminded herself, just surprised.

“Are you kidding?” Fitz whispered in confusion.

“You have to go to the upper levels. How else do you think you’ll become a part of society?” Alden said in his perfect no-need-to-worry voice that just made her want to smack him more.

“Sweetie I know it’ll be new and it’s normal to be scared-” Edaline started before she cut her off.

“I’m not scared okay? I don’t give a damn about being a part of society, and no I’m not kidding. This is my decision,” Sophie snapped. She was so done with this, with the stares, the names, being “Sophie Foster” and “human-raised”, a “war-hero;” she just wanted to be no one again. Maybe that made her a coward, but that’s who she was.

“Sophie, you’re not making sense,” Alden said, shaking his head, smiling that horrible venom-filled smile that barely contained the storm. Ever since she’d learned what Alden had done to his family she’d hated him almost as much as the Neverseen. Because he and Cassius were the same, but only one paid for it.

“Did I not speak clearly enough for you?” she asked, letting the hatred seep through her words and relished in the surprise on his face. “I am not going to the upper levels. I am not staying here either. Here I’m always going to be Sophie: the Moonlark, the leader of Team Valiant, the war hero. That’ll always be me. Here I’ll be stuck picking up the council’s mess for my entire life and I wanna be a kid still.”

“So what do you plan on doing?” Biana spoke up after a silence.

Breathe. “I’m going to go back to the Forbidden Cities, I’m gonna go back home.”

The uproar came back twice as loud as before. She was hit with hundreds of “no”s and “you can’t”s and the occasional “that’s illegal” but in between it all she locked eyes with Fitz. They didn’t need to be Cognates to understand what the other was thinking. She held his gaze and didn’t back down, this was her decision. Fitz smiled a bit at her stubbornness and nodded slightly. There wasn’t any danger from him, no “You can’t do this!” Nothing that the boy she used to know would do.

He’s different now, Sophie realized, how had she missed it?

Her eyes drifted to Biana who was staring at the middle of the room with a blank expression. It was like she wasn’t there, lost somewhere in an ocean of thought. Finally, she looked up, “It’s your decision Fos-boss.”

A hundred times before those words had been directed at her. When deciding the fate of the world she was always plagued by uncertainty. But for once, it felt right; she was going home. Alden and her parents would say no as many times as they could to make her stay, and Fitz and Biana would try at some point, but one way or another she was leaving. She’d be back eventually, but for a while, she wouldn’t have to be Sophie Foster.

The next night they had gathered everyone. Well, not everyone, just the people she cared about. Della and Livvy stood off to the side and Sophie smiled at their intertwined fingers. Maybe, just maybe they would be fine without her. Keefe stood quietly, his face blank, and it made her rethink everything. But Linh placed a steady hand on her shoulder and she was back. Stay focused, don’t lose it, Sophie told herself sternly.

Grady and Edaline watched her, and she wondered how the house would feel without her. She took a breath and turned to Dex. He, out of all of them, wasn’t quite ready for her to leave.

“I can’t make you stay, can I?” Dex asked. His voice wavered slightly and there were tears in his eyes. There were tears in all their eyes.

Sophie shook her head slowly, “Not this time.” Everything was in place, all she had to do was just leave. That was the hardest part. To make it real.

“C’mon Soph, we did it; it’s over,” his eyes pleaded with her. “Let me come with you.”

They had all tried this. In different manors, in different ways, except for Linh. All she did was wrap her arms tightly around her and squeeze like she would never let go. Some part of her, buried under many many layers of protection, knew that if Linh tried she could make her stay. “That’s the problem Dex,” she had said this so many times before, “We are always going to be fixing things and we’re always going to be fighting, and I am always going to be Sophie Foster the human. I just want to be normal, for a few decades that’s all. I’ll be back soon, just make sure to keep these idiots in check while I’m gone alright? I gotta do this alone.” Her voice caught on the last word as it dawned on her that it might be the last thing she would say to them for a long time.

Dex wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, picking her up slightly. “I’ll miss you dumbass.”

She nodded mutely into his shoulder, “Likewise asshole.” It’s time now. She stepped away, flash drive in hand, because if Dex couldn’t join her he would always help her. And she loved him for that.

She turned away from them. She dug her heels into the dirt and braced herself.

Three. Linh’s hand left her shoulder and she could feel all their eyes on her.

Two. It wasn’t the first time she had done this. It was teleporting. It was in her bones, literally.

One. Dex sucked in a breath in sync with her. The feeling of the tension running through her, becoming her, was intoxicating.

Zero. There’s no looking back now. And she ran. Her feet pounded the ground, her heart seemed to get faster with every stride. Dirt bounced with every thud of her shoes and she was free. And she jumped.

Falling. Floating. Landing.

The stale, polluted, stiff air greeted Sophie on the other side and she had never been more relieved to step into a broken world. Her broken home. From now on, she’d be Amilia Ruewen and that was okay.

“The hell you doing here kid?” an old woman stared her down from behind the counter. She had wrinkles; on her face, on her apron, on her surprisingly steady hands that held an outrageous stack of plates.

“Uh,” Amilia said nervously, “I need a job.”

The woman’s dark eyes narrowed further, “And you came here.” It wasn’t a question.

“That I did,” she muttered, it took every bit of her not to yank out her eyelashes.

With a huff, the woman set down the plates and walked out from behind the counter to march up to her. Amilia swallowed hard as the woman grabbed her hands from her sides. Her stark white hands seemed too pale and clean in the older woman’s dark hands. Amilia felt like she was under a microscope, like this woman could see every bit about her life as she stared at her hands.

“You’ve worked, you’ve fought,” she said quietly, and dragged her eyes up to hers. “If you can clean you’ve got a job.”

Something exploded inside her and couldn’t’ve been happier. But wait, “No cooking?” Amilia called out as the woman went behind the counter again.

She chuckled lightly, “Clean first, then we’ll see. Chop chop, it’s almost time for the rush and these tables still haven’t been washed.”

“I don’t even know your name ma’am!” Amilia realized suddenly.

“You want a name, new girl?” she said. fixing her with another hard stare, “It’s Mari, you’ve got a real name?”

Amilia closed her mouth tightly, “It depends on your definition of real.”

Mari let out a harsh laugh, “Less philosophy more cleaning.”

A smile tugged at her mouth as she caught the wet rag the woman tossed her.

By the end of the day, she had been introduced to the regulars as nothing more than “the new girl”. She had scrubbed the counters over and over and Mari still managed to look unimpressed. Her sweeping skills got corrected and she became more familiar with the crappy sink than she would’ve liked. If you turned the old fashion handle too far right, then the water was basically boiling. If it was too far to the left, you got ice. There was one temperature that was decent and it was not moved from that spot. Amilia had found that out the hard way.

When Mari flipped the paper and probably homemade sign from “open” to “closed”, she flopped down on one of the booths. She was tired and wiped, but it was good because she was happy. She couldn’t have done this in the Lost Cities. And she wouldn’t have done this in San Francisco. Because this was normal, and no one knew her name, and that was the opposite of everything she once was.

“You going home yet kid?” Mari asked from the lightswitch. She hadn’t thought about that, where she’d stay for the night. The booths weren’t optimal but they would work.

“Can I stay here for the night?”

“In these shitty booths? Not happening,” Mari responded, shaking her head lightly. Amilia’s heart fell to her stomach and Mari sighed at her probably pitiful expression, “You really don’t have a place to stay?”

Amilia shook her head. “Fine, come on. You can borrow my couch for the night.”

The night turned into two, to a week, to a month and eventually Mari stopped asking about her family.

“We’ve all got secrets,” she’d say, and Sophie wondered what her secrets were. Mari stopped asking about where she was going too.

“This is a pit stop town,” she said one night while they put away dishes.

“It wasn’t for you.”

“It’s where you find yourself when you’re young and get pulled back into when you’re old and broke.”

“Maybe I’m finding myself,” Amilia said only to get a hum in response.

The words that Mari had said when she first met her came to Amilia often. Could she really tell what she had gone through? Or was it some weird old lady thing she did to freak her out?

There was one night where the nightmares came back worse than ever. She woke with sweat soaking her shirt and barely breathing. There was soft clinking in the kitchen that sounded too much like throwing stars. She remembered how they felt in her hands, drawing her own blood as she cleaned them. The sweet release as they left her hand to make a soft thunk in her target. How the rush it gave Sophie was always followed by a thick sense of dread. Because if it made her excited, how far away was she from the monsters she fought?

“I thought it’d be a rough night,” Mari said leaning on the doorway.

“How did you know?”

“You’ve fought wars, those don’t go away easy. Come, I brought sugar, thought you would need it.”

So she stumbled her way into the kitchen, tired and trying as hard as she could to keep her tears in. Mari had pancakes and shakes and had brought them out to the front porch. The best thing about this place was you could see every star in the sky.

“How could you tell I’ve fought?” Sophie asked. The shake was shockingly cold against her hands and she tried to stop the shiver that ran through her. Mari rocked back quietly like they had all the time in the world to watch the stars move.

“You have the look in your eyes.”

“But you looked at my hands, why?” Somehow, the shake tasted like mallowmelt. The kind that Edaline would make on bad nights before tucking her into bed.

“Because your hands have been everywhere, they can tell stories if you let them.”

She decided not to ask any more questions, every answer would just be more confusing than the last. “And because they look like mine,” Mari finally said quietly.

“Oh.”

Mari didn’t look at her while she talked, “I saw a kid, who looked lost as hell with no immediate future, who had the hands of a fighter and eyes that held secrets. I thought I could do right by her.”

“I think you did,” Sophie said. For real this time, she wasn’t Amilia, she wasn’t trying to be her sister, for this night under the stars, she could be Sophie.

Over the year Amilia sometimes forgot about the demons that haunted her. Her past life- lives. They were not her anymore. Days and hours where nothing other than the simple act of flipping pancakes and washing tables were her only thoughts. The town was small and out of the way. No glittery castles and fancy houses. Only small farms, sketchy strip malls, and home. There was only one hint that she wasn’t human, the small leaping crystal around her neck.

“For emergencies,” Biana had said placing it gently around her neck.

“And when you’re ready to come back home,” Fitz had whispered against the top of Sophie’s head.

So it stayed around Amilia’s neck, night and day; a reminder that she never had and never would belong. But she wanted to; she craved it. And Mari made her feel somewhat normal.

She wanted something human. Something reckless and young, that was the human she wanted. Sitting at her computer at the table in Mari’s old yellow motorhome that had housed her, she found herself looking at colleges. When she was younger “college” was an expectation, perfect grades, perfect words, perfect scores. Sophie didn’t get to decide her future. To put it simply, it was never an option, her years were already filled with other’s ideas. But as Amilia clicked the tab for courses she realized that for once she controlled her next small forever. And in her next small forever she could just maybe belong.

Tables had been washed, the sun had gone down, and she had flipped the frayed sign. She had thought about it all day, the college she chose was far away and she didn’t know how to tell Mari this. The woman had become much closer to her than she thought she would. So as she grabbed her small packed duffle bag and held the door handle she tried to ignore the sharp pain that hit her chest. It only got worse as a soft voice came down the hall.

“Amilia?” Angie, Mari’s “friend”, whispered down the hall.

“Go back to bed, I’m just grabbing some things,” she said, wincing at how well she lied.

“That duffle says otherwise young lady,” Mari appeared seemingly out of thin air. Sophie knew this wasn’t going to end well, the feeling cemented itself as anger flared white hot in her stomach.

“‘Young lady’? Sorry did ‘kid’ just get thrown out the window? What are you now, my mom?” she snapped.

Mari gapped at her for a second, “Oh I’m sorry, right now I guess I’m more of your mom than whoever had you and left you on your own!”

“You don’t know nothing about them!” Sophie shouted. She didn’t mean too and she hated the way Mari flinched. But Sophie had pushed them away and that wasn’t their fault.

“The hell is this all about Amilia? You wanna go, go. Just don’t be a coward and leave without a goodbye.”

The tears fell fast down her face, because it was all too familiar. And she had never wanted to leave Mari like that. But she was angry, and that never ended well. “Fine, you want a goodbye? Goodbye.”

The door slammed hard behind her, and the rain soaked Sophie’s jacket mixing with her tears. It felt like a crappy hallmark movie from the early 2000s, but she was too angry to care; About the rain, about how muddy her shoes were, or how she didn’t really know where she was going.

The next morning she regretted everything. But by then that bridge was ashes in a stormy ocean; there was no going back. She moved forward because she had to.

#sorry about the chapter title I just thought of it-#kotlc #finding home #sophie foster #multific #tater writes #kotlc fic

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gay-otlc · 4 years

Text

Perfect (Keefitz)

Summary: And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

(Alternatively: 4.5K words of Keefitz angst and about 100 of Keefitz fl*ff)

Trigger warnings: Internalized homophobia, cursing

Words: 4352

(Read on AO3)

Fitz Vacker is perfect.

His friends call him Wonderboy, and that's for a reason. He knows they're making fun of him when they say it, but he can't help but feel the smallest glimmer of pride when he hears the nickname. Maybe a bit more than that. Yes, people are making fun of him for being perfect. That still means they see him as being perfect.

And that's good. That's exactly how he wants it to be.

No, he corrects himself- not how he wants it to be. How it is. People don't just see him as perfect- he is perfect. (Or so he tells himself. But is he, is he really perfect? Or is he just lying, trying to convince himself. Convince everyone else.) Wonderboy is at the top of his class. He's passable at Base Quest and actually quite good at Bramble. Even though his father doesn't approve of the hobby, his talent at baking is undeniable. Every girl at Foxfire is in agreement that he's handsome, with bronze skin, teal eyes, and a smile that makes all of them swoon.

(He doesn't care how many girls like him. He's never liked any of them.)

And Sophie. He's a key member of the Black Swan, and he's Sophie's cognate. They're cognates. And everyone expects them to be a couple.

He's supposed to love her. He can't.

They would be a perfect couple, if only he could feel what he was supposed to.

He can't.

The point is, Fitz is perfect. He's sunshine, blue skies. Flawless. Golden.

Fitz Vacker is perfect. And he can't shake the feeling that perfection is a cage.

---

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect.

It's obvious from the very moment they meet. Keefe is too loud, too energetic, too obnoxious. He barely pays any attention in his classes and lands in detention every other day. Taking anything seriously seems to be impossible for him. Even his appearance, with messed up hair and the way he "forgets" his cape, reflect on his personality.

Alden disapproves immediately. Keefe would never be a good influence for Fitz, could get him in trouble, damage his reputation. Blah, blah, blah. He does make sense, too; Fitz is a Vacker, and he's the golden boy, so he can only be surrounded by the best. Which likely doesn't include Keefe. But after one conversation with that boy, he finds himself inviting him over to Everglen after school.

After that, they're inseparable, no matter what Alden says.

And Keefe is still far from perfect. He hides everything in jokes and spends too much time obviously crushing on Sophie. (A fact that gives Fitz a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He isn't sure why; maybe it would be weird if two of his best friends started dating?) Keefe's mom is part of the Neverseen and the council banished him to Exillium and he makes reckless decisions.

Odds are, Keefe is a ticking time bomb, and Fitz needs to get away. That's what his brain tells him to do. Then, Keefe tells him Lord Cassius's theory on head and heart emotions, and something clicks. In his head, he wants Keefe gone. In his heart, he needs Keefe to stay.

Shit, he thinks.

Keefe is anything but perfect. He's a hurricane, a natural disaster. Flawed. Broken glass.

Keefe Sencen is anything but perfect. And Fitz cares about Keefe way to much to ever let it come between them. Shit.

---

Fitz nearly dies once, a time most people have forgotten about. He remembers it perfectly.

It's soon after he, Sophie, Dex, Biana, and... Keefe, though Fitz doesn't yet know why he has the ellipses, run away to join the Black Swan in Allavuterre. When they break into Exile to visit Prentice, and the Council comes to stop them. It's the most stupid way to nearly die, but a giant bug stabs Fitz. An arthopleura, eight feet tall and full of poison, stabs him.

And he nearly dies.

Even though he doesn't have a photographic memory, the time plays out perfectly in his mind- everything suddenly aches, he can barely breathe and the world swims before his eyes. His brain feels foggy, clouded by the poison. Through the fog, he can only think of one thing. A name, that he clings to like a lifeline.

And it should be Sophie's name. It should be Sophie's name. He's usually perfect enough to keep control of his thoughts, make sure he wants the right thing and doesn't spend too much time ever longing for the wrong thing.

In his poisoned state, that sort of control is gone, and all he can think of is what he actually wants.

Keefe.

The name echoes in his mind, over and over. When he feels himself only at his last point of consciousness, Keefe's name is still repeating, but he doesn't remember what it means.

Who's Keefe? he thinks.

A memory tickles at the back of his mind. Keefe... he... I... I think I'm in love with him.

He gives into the poison, consciousness gone.

---

When he wakes up, his head still feels foggy and slow. Keefe's name is still there, and it doesn't take long for the rest of Fitz's memories to come slotting into place. I think I'm in love with him.

Where the fuck had that thought come from?

Fitz isn't in love with Keefe. He can't be. He isn't. Fitz is the perfect Vacker, the golden boy. He's going to marry someone on his match list that his father approves of, and then he's going to further the Vacker family name and not dishonor generations of Vackers before him. He'll continue being perfect, something that can't happen if he loves Keefe. Because Keefe is so far from perfect, nothing like anyone those generations of Vackers want him to marry. He's chaotic and disobedient and, well, a boy.

If Fitz is to be perfect, he can't like Keefe.

And he will be perfect.

No, he is.

---

His friends come in, full of concerns and well wishes. Keefe comes in carrying Mr. Snuggles, and thought he's laughing at Fitz, all Fitz can think about is how cute his laugh is, how Keefe hasn't smiled in so long and he's so happy that Keefe is happy. Keefe lights up Fitz's world, and after a bug-induced realization, Fitz notices that Keefe is... well, really hot.

Don't think about that.

Eventually, the rest of his friends leave, and Livvy gives him various elixirs. Della and Biana stay behind, but eventually, Livvy and Della have to talk about something, and he's left alone with Biana.

Biana smirks. "Does Fitzy have a crush?"

His face burns. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Please," she scoffs. "You've been making heart eyes ever since our friends came in. Spill."

"I don't- I'm not-"

"Fitz, you're a terrible liar. Come on, just admit you like Sophie."

Sophie. Yes, he likes Sophie. Sophie is the Moonlark, the most powerful elf; just who the perfect Vacker boy should like. She's pretty, and she's a girl, and she's just as perfect as he is. They're meant to be together.

---

"Yes," he lies. "Fine. I like Sophie. I realized it after almost dying. Happy now?"

"Very."

"But don't... don't tell her." Fitz knows that Sophie has a crush on him; no matter how hard she tries to keep it a secret, it's fairly obvious. He doesn't want her thinking that he likes her, though, because then they'd have to date, and he wouldn't like her. Well, he likes her a lot, but not like that. He likes her enough to not lead her on like that.

Biana gives him a strange look. "You know she likes you, right?"

Shit. Now he has to think of a lie, and as Biana pointed out, he's not good at lying. "I'm... I don't really want a relationship right now. While we're dealing with the Neverseen and all that. I kind of just want to wait, and I'm worried Sophie will take that as I don't like her."

He feels Biana's eyes on him for a long time, but she finally nods. "Makes sense. I'm gonna go... get some sleep, Fitz."

When she leaves, he feels like he can finally exhale. He was nearly caught with a crush on Keefe Sencen, of all people. He managed to lie and divert the attention to Sophie... but that was fucking hard.

It shouldn't be hard. He should forget all about Keefe right now, before he falls in deeper, and like Sophie instead. That's what he has to do, to be perfect again.

And yet... he can't shake the feeling that, if he wasn't a Vacker, if he wasn't stuck in the cage of perfection... he would love to be with Keefe.

That didn't matter. Whether he likes it or not, Fitz is in his cage of perfection, so he can't want Keefe.

He can't. Because he's perfect.

---

As the world continues on, with a mess of Neverseen attacks and near death experiences and drama with their friends, Keefe Sencen never fucking leaves Fitz's head. His stupid smirk and stupid Hair and stupid, stupidly imperfect beauty. He's so stupidly funny and caring and brilliant, and oh, Fitz is so stupidly in love.

It's infuriating.

And yes, he's well aware it's kind of an asshole move, but ever since he recovered from the bug stabbing incident and the feelings for Keefe didn't go away, he's been avoiding him. Every second he spends with Keefe makes him fall even deeper in love. And as he falls deeper in love, he comes closer and closer to falling off his throne.

He can't risk that.

Even strained conversations are difficult. Fitz feels something he can't name, a combination of fury and frustration and love bubbling up in his chest, and he sometimes thinks he'll explode if he doesn't scream it. I'm in love with Keefe. I'm in love with Keefe.

But he can't scream it. So he'll just have to stay away.

Keefe thinks he's jealous, that he and Sophie have something going on, because he thinks Fitz likes Sophie. Fitz is jealous whenever Keefe and Sophie are together, it's true. He wishes he were jealous of Keefe. It's safer to have him believe that. Safer to stay away.

It kills him.

But he can't have both Keefe and perfection, and he's chosen perfection.

---

The perfection he wants (this isn't what he wants, he wants Keefe, he's never wanted this) comes in the form of Sophie Elizabeth Foster and a walk through Everglen. They're discussing matchmaking, dangerous territory- and then the danger becomes real, tipping Fitz into the deep end of a conversation he'd rather avoid.

Sophie starts crying. He's not an idiot; he knows why.

Because she thinks he'll never like her.

(And she's right. He can't like her. He can't like girls.)

Before he can think it through, the words are out of his mouth: "I want it to be you," he blurts. "I want it to be you. On my match list." It's not a lie. He wants her on his match list, and him to be on hers, so they can be matched, and together... and, well, married, as horrifying as that thought is. Married to Sophie. Together for eternity.

(That sounds like a nightmare. He loves her, but not like that. The mere thought of spending eternity together feels like he's already trapped. Caged within perfection.)

He wants to want Sophie like that. And that means he wants her, right?

(He wants Keefe.)

This is what he wants, he reminds himself, as he leans towards her, ready to kiss. He'd never admit it to anyone, but when they're interrupted by Silveny, he's overwhelmingly relieved.

No he isn't.

This is what he wants.

---

He's relieved again when he and Sophie break up. And terrified. She was his safety net, and now, when he falls for Keefe, nothing is going to catch him. Then, he regrets feeling any bit of relief- what kind of boyfriend does that make him?

A gay one.

That's what he is, isn't he? He's not perfect. He's gay. And he thought it would go away. It hasn't. It isn't going to. He's gay, he's gay for Keefe Sencen, and he'll never be perfect. Never be fucking perfect. Unless he pushes the feelings down until he forgets about them. Unless he never tells anyone. Unless he bites his tongue and marries a woman and does everything exactly right. Never slips up. Convinces himself, and everyone else, that he's... normal.

Not just normal.

Perfect.

Fucking perfect.

His plans to repress all Keefe-related emotions fails horribly within a few days. Keefe, the fucking idiot, manages to get himself in a coma, and now Fitz doesn't know whether he'll wake up, and dammit, even ignoring Keefe was better than this.

He just wants Keefe back, even if it'll be harder to be perfect.

---

The universe rewards him, the time he spends by Keefe's bedside whispering I'll stay away from him, I won't fall in love, I'll forget all about him, if he can stay alive works, or maybe it was just luck. Either way, Keefe is awake.

At first, he has no idea what to feel. Overwhelmingly happy, for one. It's hard to push that down.

He's your best friend. It's normal to feel happy about your best friend not dying. It's fine. This is fine. You're fine.

You're still perfect.

Then, everything spirals very quickly, and it turns out Keefe's mother- shit, Fitz hates her- has managed to ruin everything once again. Fantastic. Now Keefe is scared of himself, and if Fitz is being honest, he's a little scared... but then again, he was always scared of Keefe, wasn't he? Scared of how his laugh made Fitz feel like he'd won a million lusters and how he could be so imperfect yet so wonderful and how sometimes, Fitz thought maybe, it'd be worth it to not be perfect, as long as they could be together.

And scared of how he can't stop thinking about Keefe, so he buys flowers- fucking flowers- and goes to visit him at Elwin's house.

Elwin opens the door. He glances at Fitz, then the flowers, then Fitz again, and smiles knowingly. Fitz wants to shrink into a hole, knowing that Elwin knows- or even suspects- his secret, that he's so far from perfect. Elwin doesn't think of it as a bad thing, though. It's still terrifying. "Keefe is in his room," he says. Fitz nods, not trusting his voice, and walks up the stairs.

---

Keefe opens the door. "Elwin, I said I'd- you're not Elwin."

"Not unless something very confusing just happened, no," Fitz agrees.

"What are you doing here?"

Fitz swallows. "I came to check on you," he says. Then he holds out the flowers. "And to give you these." Keefe stares at the flowers for a long time, long enough to make Fitz extremely uneasy. Oh why did I do this, this was so stupid, Keefe thinks it's stupid, it obviously is, and now Elwin knows, or at least suspects, and maybe Keefe suspects too, and why am I such a fucking idiot? But Keefe takes the flowers eventually.

"Thanks."

The word is clipped, not particularly grateful, but Fitz lets his eyes meet Keefe's and he seems sincere. "No problem." Awkwardly, he shuffles his feet. "How are you?"

"I'm... I'm alright, I guess."

"You guess?"

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay." When Fitz nods, Keefe gives a small smile. "How about you? I heard you and Foster broke up."

Truth be told, Fitz had nearly forgotten about that, which didn't bode well for his whole Yes, I definitely like girls act he was trying to do. "I'm... I think it was the right decision for us. Can I tell you a secret?" he blurts, the last sentence not planned. He hopes Keefe will say no, but of course he says yes, so Fitz swallows. "I don't think I ever liked her, really. I mean, I like her a lot. But not like that. Never like that. I've never liked a girl like that."

Instantly, Fitz regrets specifying a girl, but that was the only way to keep it truthful. Despite that, he regrets not lying as he watches Keefe connect the dots. "You like me, don't you?" Before Fitz can say anything, really even register the question, Keefe continues "It's not bad if you do. In fact, it's good, because I... I like you. A lot. Like that. So it's okay to tell me if you like me. And I promise I won't tell anyone unless you're alright with it."

Fitz nods. Almost in a whisper, he answers "I like you. I... I really like you, so much, so much it physically aches, but Keefe, I can't. You know I can't."

A look Fitz can't quite decipher comes over Keefe, a mixture of pain and anger and joy and... determination. "Tell me if you want me to stop," he whispers, before cupping Fitz's face. Even before their lips touch, Fitz knows it's so unlike the times he and Sophie almost kissed. This time, it feels exactly right.

It feels perfect.

That word, that fucking word, draws Fitz back abruptly away. "I can't," he repeats, taking a step back towards the door. Twists the doorknob. "I can't. I'm sorry, Keefe, but I can't."

Keefe nods. "I know. You have to be perfect." He doesn't sound angry; just resigned.

"I have to be perfect," Fitz agrees, and he leaves.

---

Once again, the world continues on. Keefe slowly begins trusting himself around other people again. Fitz still doesn't trust himself around Keefe. If they're too close for too long, he thinks he might just disregard everything and kiss him again. He thought it was hard before, but after he knows who fucking wonderful it is to kiss Keefe, it's nearly impossible. Keefe is like a drug, and Fitz has to do everything he can not to relapse.

So he stays away.

They fight the Neverseen a few more times. Nearly die once or twice. Elwin basically adopts Keefe. He and Sophie work to rebuild their trust as cognates, but it's hard, because now he's keeping such a big secret.

I never liked you.

I don't like girls.

I'm gay.

I like Keefe.

I kissed Keefe once.

He can't tell her any of that. Can't tell anyone. Keefe is the only person who knows, and even that is far too many people. He has to trust that Keefe won't tell anyone- though Keefe doesn't have as much to lose from it, it can't be good for him either. And Sophie... she's a really good friend, but he still... he can't. He just can't.

Even as their friendship repairs itself, they never date again. He's glad.

And disappointed.

Because he really needs a safety net, now more than ever.

---

Alden convinces him to get a match list, one without Sophie on it. One with a hundred girls, each one of them someone he can never love. Maybe he'll find one he likes well enough. And he can pretend to love her until he's convinced everyone, including himself. A new safety net.

A new mask of perfection.

He throws a Winnowing Gala then, mostly for the food. Unfortunately, he doesn't get to just eat the whole time. He has to dance with people, talk to them, hope to find some sort of spark. It never comes, of course. When he first met Keefe first, he knew that boy would be bad for him, but he couldn't stay away. Every moment talking to him felt like electricity. This is just... dull.

It's nearly torture.

Also, it's what the rest of his life is going to be like.

Fitz already knew perfection was a cage. He chose the cage instead of Keefe. Now he's living with the consequences. This was his choice, and he made his choice, but it's still... so hard. It feels like he's suffocating.

---

"I need some fresh air," he chokes out to the girl he's dancing with now. He can't even remember her name. She's nice, but nothing like Keefe. All of these girls blend together, because none of them are Keefe, and he's too focused on surviving the next few hours to concentrate on any of them.

Without waiting to here her response, he stumbles outside.

"Fitz?" a voice asks. He groans. Keefe. Why did it have to be Keefe?

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too. I came to pine as you chose a girl to marry, of course. Didn't expect you to come outside."

Fitz groans, burying his head in his hands. "Sorry to snap at you. I just..."

"You hate this. You hate this so much."

"How do you know?"

"Empath. Also, I know you," Keefe says. Fitz sighs. They fall silent for a long time, but finally, Keefe speaks again. "I still... I can't stop thinking about the kiss. It feels like forever ago, and I still sometimes feel your lips on mine like some sort of phantom. All I can do is think about kissing you again. I really want to kiss you again. I... I really want you." He takes a breath, then resumes, cutting off whatever Fitz was about to say. "But I know. You can't. I understand."

"I... it doesn't feel like I can. At all. But..." Fitz took a deep breath, gesturing at Everglen. "I can't do this either. I can't keep doing this, pretending to be perfect."

Keefe tilted his head to the side. "Fitz?"

"I'm done pretending," Fitz said, and he kissed Keefe once again.

Perfect.

---

When they finally separate, Keefe's ice blue eyes are wide, pupils dilated. "That was... incredible." He touches his fingers to his lips, never taking his eyes off Fitz. Fitz can't see himself, but he's sure he looks just as lovestruck. He's wanted this for years, and finally, finally...

"I want to tell people," Fitz says, his own voice sounding foreign to his ears. He didn't plan to say that, but repeats it. "I want to tell people about... about us."

"You know there's no going back after that," Keefe says, the beautiful smile on his face widening anyway.

Fitz nods. "I know. I don't want to go back. I told you, I'm done pretending."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He pauses. "Unless you don't want to?"

After a quick kiss that makes little fireworks go off in Fitz's head, he smiles again and says "No, I want to. Do you know what you're going to say?" Fitz shakes his head. "Just making it up as you go along. That works. Honestly, the best way to do things. Can I come in with you?" In response, Fitz takes Keefe's hand in his and squeezes it. "Great. Let's go."

With every step Fitz takes, he knows his time being perfect is running out. He's never been happier.

---

"I want to thank you all for coming tonight," Fitz says, waiting for the room to fall silent from the talking and laughing and music. While he waits, his eyes meet Keefe's. His boyfriend's. Keefe smiles, and he gives a tentative smile in return. His stomach flips with anxiety, and doubts of Do I really want to do this? start to creep back in. He briefly closes his eyes and lets the memory of the kiss wash over him, and it's the only thing to get them to go away.

Distantly, he hears a girl whisper-scream "Is he about to propose to someone?"

He clears his throat and continues. "I've really enjoyed getting to speak of all of you and get to know you. Unfortunately..." he swallows. "None of you... my perfect match. There's nothing wrong with any of you, and if I could be attracted to any of you, I would have some good options to choose from. But... I'm not attracted to girls. Any girls. At all."

Behind him, he hears his father hissing "Fitz, what are you doing?"

"Let him finish," his mom murmurs, voice low.

After letting his eyes drift back to Keefe, he takes a deep breath and blurts it out to the entire room. It's been bubbling up in him for so long, with no one knowing, and by tomorrow, everyone in the Lost Cities will know. That's terrifying. But strangely liberating. No more pretending. "I'm gay."

"Fitzroy," his father snaps, instantly. "Stop talking at once."

"No."

"Fitzroy Avery Vacker-"

"No," Fitz repeats, meeting Alden's eyes and ignoring every voice of wisdom telling him to look away. "No. I'm done pretending. And I'm done being perfect. I'm gay, and I'm in love with Keefe, and you're just going to have to fucking deal with that."

---

Without waiting for a response, he turns and walks over to Keefe, collapsing into a hug. "I'm proud of you," he hears in a whisper.

"That was terrifying," he breathes.

"I know. But it's going to be okay."

Fitz tangles his hands in Keefe's stupidly beautiful hair and meets their lips in another earth shattering kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too, Wonderboy."

Things won't ever be perfect again. Alden and Della divorce, and though neither of them says it, Fitz knows it's his fault. Keefe's father is furious, which he knows upsets Keefe even though he lives with Elwin now. Some elves are supportive, and some even come out after Fitz- including Sophie and Biana, who have apparently been dating for months- but other elves whisper about the gay Vacker boy, and how unfortunate it is for the family. The Council has been arguing for months about whether or not Fitz should be allowed to be matched with Keefe. Fighting the Neverseen is still a necessity, and they keep getting hurt.

Things won't ever be perfect again. Fitz won't be "perfect" again.

But it doesn't matter whether he's perfect. He's happy.

#simone types things #keefitz #kotlc #fitz vacker #divorce alden vacker 2021 #cursing tw #internalized homophobia tw #shai's writing

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