I'm having so many thoughts about Aziraphale right now. There's just so much I want to say and delve into analysis wise and also just in loving this character. I just love him so much. I can definitely relate to Crowley. How could he not fall in love with such a flawed, sweet, infuriating, wonderful little angel.
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Sickeningly Sweet
The culmination of mine and @sculptorofcrimson's mega post about Valdor... you should probably read that to get an understanding of what is going on.
@bispecsual @egrets-not-regrets @moodymisty @bleedingichorhearts @liar-anubiass-blog
@thevoidscreams @barn-anon
As always thank you @squishyowl for the divder
tw: smut. yandere valdor. mindbreak or at least mind broken
This was written in like an hour
She hardly recognized herself in the mirror anymore... the slightly golden tinge to her eyes stared back at her with such sadness that was uncommon for her given her background... she made the most of everything... she really tried with this... as she could feel the way the comb just glided through her long brown hair... something happened when she got scared.
He had stumbled back when she let out that final desperate scream before she devolved into sobs... her eyes and her hair changed not long after that... but now no one came to visit... no one came to check up on her... she felt so sad and empty for the first time in her life... she covered her face and let her tears fall for herself for a moment before she knew he was there licking them away like a dog. And she once more felt the weight of the laurel upon her head.
The days felt so numb... and at times she felt like a doll being preened over and kept clean and loved... but she felt so achingly lonely. Ever since Valdor had come into her life... everything went insane... suddenly the Inquisition was doing its best to interrogate politely ask her what was going on. Suddenly there were machinations that she wanted to be ignorant about thrust into her face... then the Enemy was moving around, as Valdor had told her about some of the things that attacked the ship. They knew he was guarding something... he swore he wouldn't let them get her Him.
Her last attempt to pull away to get away from the golden nightmare ended in so much death and it was all her fault. She wept again... and once again his tongue lapped up the tears. Time was a blur for her as she tried to stop eating but while it kept him at bay for some time... she should have remembered he wasn't fully against hurting her and the subtle threats he wove got her to eat once again....
She hardly noticed the change in room as Valdor shuffled her around again... but all she could do was look up at him pleadingly to not kill them... silently praying to the Throne that she wouldn't have to watch him butcher people who were simply trying to treat her as human because that is what she was! But time still blurred for her and she couldn't take it any more... the crushing silence he held only to hold her so devotingly and whisper such praises... perhaps that is why she turned so inwardly with her own fingers as company. And still he watches even as she finishes even as she licks her own fingers clean... she can't even feel something alone.
How long has it been? She wonders as she hardly leaves her room anymore and feels herself wilting as the thought of that... "Valdor." Her voice cracks from disuse and there he is.
"Yes my Emperor?" He says with that calm voice.
"I feel lonely." She admits letting the tears flow. When he kneels and leans in to lick up her tears once more she presses her mouth to his and pushes her tongue against his. "Please... Valdor... Please... I need." She begs as she wraps her arms around his neck not knowing exactly what she was begging for. Perhaps for something carnal... as she remembers when he first appeared she felt that lust as who wouldn't?
"What do you need of me my liege." She feels his breath against her cheek and ear as her mouth moves desperately against his chin and throat... eyes closed tight to not break the illusion of her not thrusting desire onto him.
"Please touch me." She mewls at him and once more feels his mouth against her own as she moans eagerly into his mouth. The tunic she had been given now coming into play as his warm finger just brushes against her sex. She jolts at the contact moaning as she feels the digit sinking into her.
Pulling open her top she plays with her own breasts just to feel something just to feel the high in this as she keeps her eyes closed or stealing timid glances... but his gaze at her is terrifying in a way... so overwhelming.
However the slow pumping of his digit wasn't doing enough for her right now. "Valdor please I need you." She whimpers rubbing a foot against his inner thigh trying to encourage a reaction from him as she looks up at him with those eyes.
The ghost of a smile on his lips as his eyes hold some predatory look in them... as if she was a rabbit caught in a trap, "My liege is in need and removing my armor will take time... let me please you now." He pulled his finger out and tasted it... she watched him close his eyes for a moment savoring it before leaning in and licking the lips...
His name was a ghost on her lips before she suddenly screamed it out as he dove in with a hunger that sent a jolt of life into her. Her thighs squeezing his head and her fingers gripping the dark hair of his mohawk. She didn't see or chose to ignore the way he watched her writhe against his mouth... the way his eyes focused on her own as they flashed a bright gold... each lick pouring life back into this shard of the Emperor that was becoming like tarnished gold... dull and lifeless.
His tongue cupped and pressed against her bud as he wrapped his dearest liege shard in the finest golden chains of his devotion... she craved such companionship... it was something he had to discourage at first as who else but a loyal servant could bring their liege such pleasure. His tongue moves deeper and she screams with such desperate pleasure, "Valdor! Valdor please! I'm so close!" She sobbed as her faithful servant held her thighs gently just watching her come undone with a final shriek.
He made sure not a drop of her was wasted... she flushed as she could hear the wetness of his licks and laps as he cleaned her with such devotion. He knew her routine having seen her with a paramour before he knew for certain she was his Beloved... it was all a bonding ritual that would bring him into their good graces again. The concern that entered her gold eyes... "Do you need to be taken care of?"
"Do not worry about me." He said watching her nod as she got as comfortable as she could to snuggle in the afterglow of that sensation. And as Valdor played his role in her post coitus bonding ritual he knew... he knew his Beloved shard would be less... and less... and less... and oh so very less likely to pull away from him again like they tried to.
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You know what really gets me about Eleven’s run? Is that it starts off with an amazing thesis statement in the Beast Below which I think sums up the Doctor as a character more than any other line ever has. "What if you were really old, and really kind, and the last of your kind?...All of that pain and misery and loneliness, and it just made it kind."
Yes, sometimes the Doctor needs to be reminded of that fact, as when Amy has Liz 10 hit the abdication button, but the Doctor is kind. He is the man that cheered that "just this once, everyone lives" and was a "coward not killer anyday" and flung away a gun and even after the Time Lord Victorious arc, died to save a single man from dying from radiation. The Doctor and his companions bring out the worst in each other, yes, but they also bring out the best.
And then comes along The Girl Who Waited and the God Complex, which are just an extension of Let's Kill Hitler and eventually Angels Take Manhattan, which are all about how the Doctor takes people as companions because he needs someone to worship him, that he can't bear to see them age and would rather see them young and beautiful, that he is vain, that he is cruel, that he is a god, and I get that interpretation but at the end of the day, the Doctor has never been about vanity or worship or needing someone to keep him in check.
Because yes, companions have reminded him the importance of being kind as part of what is "necessary." The importance of having hope. But it's just that: a reminder. The Doctor is unlike the Master and unlike the rest of the Time Lords because he is compassionate. Because he hates to see children cry. Because he is a coward who is nonetheless brave enough to keep caring, over and over again, no matter how many people die in front of him, no matter how many times he loses those he loves, because the Doctor is a love story as much as it is a ghost story at the end of the day.
And it kills me that the main themes/character arcs of Eleven’s era boil down the Doctor to someone who is not that. Someone who, as the Power of Three ending/Angels Take Manhattan imply, had to have the Ponds to keep him in check. That he could not let them go, could not respect them and their choices like Ten did with Martha. That an entire religion formed itself, kidnapping a child and making her into an assassin, just to stop him from ruining the universe, because he is a god more than a man. That he is a god just like the minotaur, feeding off of people's faith in him, taking children and companions so that he can be nourished, so that he can feel important.
Because even at the Doctor's worst in the Time Lord Victorious Arc, it has never been about worship. It was about grief and loss and love and compassion, because the Doctor has two hearts because he has too much love to fill just one, because that is the kind of person that the Doctor is.
All of that pain and misery and loneliness, and it just made him kind.
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