#Growing up military

[into-wonderland-caroline]

03/12/24

Captain is taking a morning nap in what looks like some kind of very uncomfortable contortion pose...

[in-pursuit-of-happiness-caroline]

Health issues & anxieties/worry thoughts

Yesterday I was able to come home from the hospital after a brief admission because I collapsed and had a seizure at home late in the evening on Saturday November 18th. I have no history of seizures so this was shocking, surreal, and scary for me and my family. After a lot of testing in the hospital the cause of my seizure was determined to be a major deficiency in vitaminB12 and magnesium as a result of my hyperthyroidism and malabsorption syndrome. I am relieved that the cause of the seizure was pre-existing conditions and not some sort of epilepsy, abnormality in my brain, or some other possible diagnosis discovered and added on to the list I've already been given. However simultaneously with the relief I still feel some anxiety, worry, fear, frustration, uneasiness and uncertainty. In and after circumstances where a new symptom/issue/mini crisis with my health emerges [in this instance it was me having a seizure], It's difficult to shake the anxious and worried thoughts and one of the biggest ones being that some new health condition/ something else wrong with me is going to be discovered and I will be forced to live, cope and try to battle/treat/medicate it as well. It's a sort of anxiety that is like an impending sense of...not really doom but more like something else is going to go wrong-the next shoe is going to drop. It's thoughts and worries about how this is going to effect my overall health if at all? Is this causing more damage to my already damaged heart, liver, bones, or eyes? How is this going to effect my family? Is it going to decrease my ability to function in life and my ability to do the things I love? Will l have to take more medication? What if I require some kind of surgery? Will I be in the hospital more? Will I be in the hospital longer? How much longer will I be able to dance and play sports and will my health problems put an early end to those passions?

Now this is NOT in any way me trying to insinuate that my health is so bad, and I am so sick and woe is me. I'm very aware that other people have much worse, some even terminal, health issues. However, on that side note who when they are sick or going through something is made better by being reminded that other people have it worse? One of the dancers in my acro and hip hop classes has asthma that gets pretty bad...should I or someone else go to her on a bad day and remind her that others have it worse...like at least you don't have lung cancer or lupus...it's only asthma! Will that cause her to need her inhaler less? Will it alleviate the anxiety that comes with not being able to breathe properly? No! Similarly, in the realm of mental health - the struggles of someone with depression are just as important, serious, difficult, valid and deserving of care as someone who has depression and schizophrenia or depression and drug addiction, depression and has attempted suicide, depression and an eating disorder. None of these needs to be ranked as having it worse than the other. This need we have to qualify and measure illness or situation against others and then determine what is worse is not only invalidating and shaming but gives space to this sick competitive one up‐man-ship vibe and conversation people can get in to...you know the kind where people tell of their ailments and struggles and in turn the next person tells their own that is suppose to be just as bad or worse than the person before. Anyways that's a soap box for some other time.

The issue with my hyperthyroidism and malabsorption syndrome is the severe deficiencies they cause do real damage-permanant damage to my organs and bones - every time more and more damage and I already have heart problems, I have already had to have a surgery on my heart. So each time something like this occurs where I am in the hospital I start to get the anxiety and worry - what's wrong now? Is it going to be so bad this time that I will have to give up dance and sports? One day it probably will come to that...I know that...my doctors have told me that and it's not that all my enjoyment and happiness in life or my whole identity is wrapped up in dance/being a dancer or a volleyball player, soccer player or tennis player. But those things are and have been a big part of who I am. They are things I love and am passionate about and good at...I work hard at. It will be a huge loss when that day where I have to give them up comes and that is scary for me.

The other big piece to this is the uncertainty, uneasiness and frustration. None of my immediate family has any health issues like I do! Not either of my parents or my brothers, not my Aunt and not my two cousins Kenzie and Grace. I am glad my family doesn't have these issues, don't get me wrong, but I still wonder WTF why is it all me? And what's coming next because if genetics play a part in any of my problems which science suggests it probably does then there's a lot of unease and uncertainty. If you don't know this from possibly my main blog then let me tell you that one whole side of my family tree and family history is a big question mark because my father was abandoned as an infant- he grew up in group homes run by the catholic church. He was named by those at the church he was abandoned at. My father lived and grew up in orphan group homes until He was old enough to be out on His own. He's never known his birth family- doesn't want to-and never had a family adopt him. My Aunt and my 2 cousins are the only extended family we have still alive and that is my mother's family. I wish I could explain to you just how uneasy this makes me. Maybe it doesn't make sense to you but it is very real and very much something I battle in my head a lot.

I am sorry this post is kind of rambling...just needed to get this crap out. I am glad to be home and I am doing okay and thank you to everyone...many from my main blog who messaged me concern and well wishes when I had the seizure 😊

[ferretastical-spectacle]

Imagine living somewhere for your whole life, or heck, living somewhere for more than 4 years. You live in the same house your whole childhood, grow up with the same group of people that followed you through one (1) elementary school, middle school and high school and have a child hood best friend??? Like what the fuck? People live like this?? Wowowowowow- My military brat brain canNOT comprehend

[uncanny-tranny]

The worst lie you can believe and be told is that women are emotional and men are logical, that men's, essentially, men's emotions are logical and neutral while women's are not, and are in fact frivolous and shallow.

[eywaseclipse]

Going to slowly re upload my Neteyam edits since I have made a bigger watermark.

His expression is like “you wanna say that again?” Lol

[yardsards]

do people who weren't raised evangelical Know that the main reason why so many evangelical christians support israel is bc they see israel as a pawn in enacting a prophesy to bring back jesus and cause the apocalypse? bc that's very much A Thing

[mickstart]

As soon as got spin off gave me "where is duty? Where is sacrifice? It's trampled again under your pretty foot" i went insane because I knew they had just handed me THE stannis v renly beef summary of all time

[capaldiera]

i know this is out of context but well she says so many things that could be taken out of context

[into-wonderland-caroline]

02/12/24

This is my oldest brother, Theo, watching some gaming live stream and Zues(our German shepherd husky mix) was apparently wanting to watch too😂

I just walked in to Theo's room to tell him I am getting door dash for dinner [it's just Theo and I home tonight- parents are out] and see if he wants me to order him food as well & I walked in to this! Too funny not to snap a picture & share...

[in-pursuit-of-happiness-caroline]

Hyperthyroidism part 1 of 2- what it is, symptoms, and diagnosis story

I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism at the age of 15. Hyperthyroidism AKA over active thyroid is a condition where your thyroid produces too much thyroxine hormone. It is a manageable condition with medication which I take daily and I have regular appointments with my endocrinologist for this condition...left untreated or not regularly managed under the care of a doctor hyperthyroidism can cause very serious issues that can be fatal...the major ones include heart attack, stroke, and thyroid storm but let's talk about what happened leading up to the diagnosis...

When I was 15 I was in a residential treatment facility for Orthorexia and anorexia nervosa. It was difficult at first for me to actually get diagnosed because many of the symptoms I was experiencing mimicked symptoms of someone who has anorexia and Orthorexia & is either actively engaged in the unhealthy behaviors of these eating disorders or is going through the re-feeding process[which I was in that time]. The symptoms I was experiencing were rapid weight loss and extremely fast metabolism despite what I ate, over heating easily and often, high levels of anxiety, fidgety, antsy, need to be doing something constantly, irritable- lower than average tolerance to frustration/inconveniance/ annoyance ,hair loss, trembling in hands and fingers, fatigue, insomnia, my skin was always damp and clammy to the touch, I had issues with digestion...everything I ate went right through me very quickly so I was in the bathroom a lot, I was experiencing irregular heart beat [heart murmur], my stomach hurt pretty much constantly and I was forever bloated . So if you are reading this & you are not familiar with eating disorders and the effects of them and the effects of early recovery and re-feeding let me just tell you that almost every one of those symptoms could be attributed to eating disorders and re-feeding. All the professionals at the residential I was at understandably took my symptoms and complaints as part of my eating disorders, malnourishment and being early in to re-feeding. The problem was the symptoms continued, even got worse as time went on and I was losing more and more weight. I actually ended up being accused multiple times by the staff , my therapist, nutritionist and psychiatrist at the residential of secretly exercising while in treatment, purging, hiding food...doing something I was NOT supposed to be doing to cause my weight loss to continue....I was becoming thinner and sicker being treated for my eating disorders and it was absolute hell because ironically I was not engaging in any of the things I was being accused of but the treatment center still treated me as if I was...I was given a feeding tube, put on one to one observation with a staff member 24/7 which meant I had to be with a staff member no matter what...a staff had to watch me while I slept, while I ate, showered, used the bathroom, sat in group, walked down the hall etc. It went even further to where I was put on wheelchair restriction so I was not allowed to walk anymore to keep me from losing weight . None of that helped and I got worse - my blood work showed that my kidneys were not functioning properly, ekgs showed my heart murmur was getting worse- I was very weak, my neck and eyes looked puffy and swollen, my stomach pain increased and I was nauseous most of the time. The residential sent me to the hospital at this point and after 4 days in the hospital I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and put on medication. I spent 6 days total in the hospital and then went back to the residential treatment center. I have no underlying condition or disease that caused my hyperthyroidism and it is not something that is brought on by eating disorders...it is just something I developed. According to my doctors my hyperthyroidism is pretty severe which presents more risk of other complications mostly with my heart, my eyes, my bone density, and reproductive organs. It is a little worrisome because I already have heart problems and have already had a heart surgery. I already have the sort of precursor to osteoporosis known as osteopenia and my reproductive organs have long ago bit the dust [I am completely infertile/sterile] due to struggling with eating disorders from age 7 - age 15. On medications for my hyperthyroidism- my symptoms are less & much more manageable however there are things I have to avoid but that will be covered in part 2

[bruisedconscience-reblogs]

SHAWN GOES LIMP WHEN THEY FIGHT AND GUS PRETENDS HIS BACK GOT HURT SHAWN MAKES TELLTALE HEART REFERENCES OFFENSIVELY & GUS RETORTS WITH PSYCHO REFERENCES THESE 2 BEING FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE KIDS IS SO NICEEEEE

[brookheimer]

What do you think of the fan theory that Shiv and Roman are twins?

is it canonically plausible? no. is it spiritually correct? yes absolutely.

[newvegascowboy]

I think the squires are a great narrative device to model how children don't always understand what they're saying and are just parroting what older, more informed adults have said. Really informs how biases and bigotry pass from one generation to the next, and it's interesting because the anti-synth stance is still relatively recent. Those scribes are going to grow up being the first generation of BOS soldiers who grew up on that kind of bigotry.

[zannolin]

(re-ish)watching ncis in 2023 is like came for the murder and crime solving, stayed for the absolutely unhinged tiva plotline

[verflares]

actually despite what i just posted i think i have a lot of mixed feelings on oot link and the hero's shade in general because of how much mm reads as being about trauma and link's own identity crisis from processing what happened to him at the end of oot the story is about skull kid yes, but skull kid and his abandonment issues are meant to parallel link's own feelings regarding navi leaving and zelda sending him back in time. so in a lot of ways its so strange for mm to be a game about Healing and moving forward and for link to end up becoming a stalfos filled with regret and resentment anyway

but. this being said. i also really love tragedy and the pointlessness of it all so i think the hero's shade is fun for that reason alone ^_^

[pcktknife]

speaking of nightmares I had a double feature one last night