#orthorexia recovery

[growandrecover]

positive & neutral affirmations for ed recovery pt. 2 

pt. 1 here

Neutral:

my recovery body may be different than I'm used to, but it's taking care of me

I deserve a life that does not revolve around my ed and ed behaviors

I deserve to have neutrality with food

I deserve to have body neutrality

I'm not content with my body yet, and that's okay

I'm content with my body, and that's okay

I am making good strides

relapsing does not take away the progress I have made

having a bad body image day/week/month/year does not mean my recovery isn't valid

my experience with my ed is valid, no matter what my life looked like at the time (or looks like)

my body takes care of me and loves me

missing my ed does not mean I'm failing at recovery

I am taking it day by day and I'm proud of myself

it's okay to be proud of myself for doing well

I'm going to be okay

I deserve good things

my body needs food

my body deserves all the nutrients it needs

Positive:

my recovery body may look different than it ever has before, but it's beautiful and deserving of love

I deserve to have food freedom

I deserve to experience body positivity

I like my body

I love my body

no matter what weight/size I am, I'm gorgeous/handsome none the less

relapsing doesn't take away the progress I've made in my recovery

having a bad body image day/week/month/year does not mean my recovery is valid

my experience with my ed is valid, no matter what my life looked like at the time (or looks like)

my body loves me and takes care of me, no matter what

I'm doing well and I'm proud of myself

there is no size limit on beauty

I'll make it out of this

I deserve to eat when I'm hungry

I deserve a good, well rounded life

I can eat food I love

I can wear the clothes I want

I'm confident (or I can learn to be)

For all:

No one deserves an eating disorder (if you're thinking yes, you don't!!)

I deserve happiness

I deserve recovery

my ed is not part of my identity

it does not define me

It's going to be okay

I'll make it out of this

I deserve to live

I can face my fear foods

I am strong enough to make it through my ed

if you need help, please feel free to message me or send an ask <3

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

new year, same diet culture jargon

[into-wonderland-caroline]

03/12/24

Captain is taking a morning nap in what looks like some kind of very uncomfortable contortion pose...

[helganacht]

TW: mention of eating disorder

Guys I have suffered from eating disorder for like…7 years maybe (?) and today, this evening, half an hour ago, I walked up to the mirror and thought ”Omg I look so soft, my body is so cute!!”

This is amazing. This feels unbelievable. I have battled it and this feels like pure victory. I unconciously, without thinking, walked up to a mirror and thought a beautiful thing about my body. And it was not ”I look skinnier than before” but the very opposite. I just took a moment to appreciate and feel happiness about the softness in every part of my body. The joy of having fat🥰

I hope to encourage each of you, my internet soul-siblings with a similar background. You can get to the point of self-love, it is there waiting for you❤️

[in-pursuit-of-happiness-caroline]

You don't believe it can happen to you - I didn't either...

...Health problems I have to live with caused by the 8 years I struggled with anorexia and orthorexia[and never believed I was "sick enough" for it to happen to me].

I want to preface this post by saying 2 things; First, this post will talk some about eating disorders, although nothing detailed and I will not ever post numbers or anything more obviously upsetting, I do still want to give that warning so if this topic might upset or cause problems for you, do what is good for you and don't continue reading this. Second, I am not a medical or mental health professional. I have no degrees of any kind so this post, like all my others, is purely my experiences, opinions and what I have learned from my doctors over the years. You've been warned now on to the real content/topic...

The past few weeks there has been these nagging thoughts and feelings of some regrets and anger and sadness about how much of my physical health alone eating disorders took from me. I can't go back to change anything but it is something that makes me angry how deceived and distorted someone who is in the depths of an eating disorder can be. For a little back story I struggled with Orthorexia and anorexia for 8 years. The behaviors & obsessions began when I was only 7 years old and I was diagnosed with Orthorexia at age 8 and given a second diagnosis of anorexia at age 10. I stayed in these disorders until I was 15 & only then did I actively pursue and work for recovery. I'm happy to say I have maintained that recovery and a healthy weight since, however, a lot of damage was already done to my body by the time I was 15 and unfortunately much of it was not reversed so I live with many physical health problems caused by anorexia and Orthorexia.

Like many who struggle with eating disorders I was, at different points, told about and warned of the damage it could do to my body, the possible long term consequences of continuing in my disorders. Also like many who struggle with eating disorders I shrugged off these warnings and facts. In my mind none of it would happen to me because I never saw myself as a "sick enough " orthorexic and anorexic to warrant such complications. Now, were there and are there people struggling with eating disorders whose cases would be called more severe and critical than me - yes of course and that is kind of the point- this idea people who struggle with eating disorders have that they have to be the sickest, skinniest, closest to death's door anorexic or orthorexic or whatever to have long term health problems from it or to deserve help or die from their disease is a complete garbage dumpster fire of lies and bullshit! It's not a competition and comparison will destroy! With an eating disorder it will never be enough until it kills you...you will not win anything ‐ or be smiled on, applauded, or envied for dying so thin. No one who knew you will remember you after your death and speak fondly, joyfully or boast about how sick and thin you were. It will not be a positive, admirable, inspiring, happy legacy you will leave if you die sick because of an eating disorder. Your loved ones will suffer, they will be angry about your sickness, angry that you couldn't believe you were sick enough/warranted help. They will be sad and grief stricken and wonder what they could have done differently. They will blame themselves. It's harsh, morbid and very depressing but it is the truth of the legacy you will leave if your eating disorder kills you because you weren't thin enough, sick enough, and you didn't believe any of it could happen to you. You won't die happy and fulfilled because you are thin and sick, you will die depressed, scared, anxious, tortured, and weak just as you were in the eating disorder that deceived you pushing you to hold on to and continue your behaviors, always promising you will be happy when but continually moving that goal- keeping it out of reach because it's never enough with an eating disorder. It's a lie!

Talking to my doctors, I have learned that a good portion of my heart problems were caused by/at least partially caused by years of starvation, malnutrition and stress from my eating disorders. These heart issues include: my heart murmur, mitral valve prolapse and mitral valve regurgitation(which I had to have heart surgery for last year), bradycardia, and thin heart walls! This accounts for every heart health problem I have besides one...it makes me cringe with regret, anger and sadness just to know that.

Anorexia and Orthorexia also caused the irreversible damage and basically shut down of my reproductive system meaning I am sterile/infertile...can not have children. Because I began struggling with eating disorders so young, becoming sick and emaciated/malnourished so quickly and basically remaining in that state or in a declining state for 8 years I have not ever had a period or menstrual cycle and I will not ever due to the damage to my reproductive system. This also caused problems with my bone density and I have osteopenia (basically the beginning stage of osteoporosis) and eventually that will progress into full osteoporosis. I also have permanent damage to my liver caused by my eating disorders.

I hate that I caused so much of my own health struggles and problems and as a result cause my family worry for my health, my well being, and my future. Not to mention the experiences, relationships, strength, health, life, personality, adventure, discovery, zeal, joy, love, rest, dreams the eating disorders took from me and I can't go back and have them.

I am a dancer. Dance is my biggest passion in life and some day I won't be able to dance anymore because the permanent damage and health problems from my eating disorders will end it. My bones will be too brittle and weak to leap and turn and hold a pose, have correct technique. My heart could get weaker- more stressed in time and I will have dance taken from me. I won't be able to follow that dream, to perform. The consequences of eating disorders reach my entire life and that is and/or can be the reality for anyone with an eating disorder who doesn't believe it will happen to them - who doesn't see themselves as sick enough. I did not see it or believe it either and yet this is my reality.

[brightandblossom]

A huge recovery game changer is when you realise it’s not about avoiding triggers, but about learning to trust yourself enough to not be influenced by them. 

[desultory-suggestions]

Hey! I know you’re stressed and worried, but please don’t take it out on your body. It’s easy to over work ourselves when we’re anxious, but when you put your body under physical strain it only makes it worse in the long run. Take some deep breathes, try redirecting the energy to something more restful. You’ll get through this.

[i-am-revolting]

Ah, the nostalgia!

Bought myself some fresh sourdough bread from the local bakery. I loved bread as a kid. Can't believe I've been abstaining from enjoying a slice of a regular fucking bread for like 2 years. I used to snack on plain bread heels with some salt and butter as a kid everyday lol. And that's on being slavic... or just growing up poor, the line is kind of blurry.

No rice cakes or nasty protein "breads" anymore.

Only real bread.

[sad-cinnamongirl]

so bad bc i thought i was having a honeymoon phase again

[penguimstrawberry]

So I found this challenge in Instagram, and each day you need to do something that will help in your eating disorder recovery.

I started today (day 5) and already completed the challenge!

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

If you're experiencing a relapse, please understand that you are not alone. You do not have to pursue it any farther just because you slipped up and started it. Your pre-relapse progress has not been erased and you are not incapable of healing.

[growandrecover]

things to do instead of engaging in your ed behaviors 

take a shower

read a book

write a story

talk to your friends

research something that interests you

practice self care (whatever that means to you)

do something creative

if you’re religious, pray

listen to music that makes you happy

watch a show/movie that you enjoy

clean/organize your room

learn a new language

learn a new skill

go on a drive

hang out with your family

do your makeup

put on your favorite outfit

go to your favorite store

meditate

paint your nails

play video games

practice your hobby

sit outside if the weather is nice

unfollow any accounts that make you feel bad about yourself (or those that encourage eds)

watch body positive content

do your hair

make origami

rearrange your room

look at memes that make you laugh (not ed related, though)

go on Pinterest and make a board about something you're interested in

take a nap

make a list of what you need right now and try and see how many you can accomplish today

make sure you're nourished (please eat, guys, you need food to live)

if you need to talk, you can always message me or send me an ask <3

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[into-wonderland-caroline]

03/28/24

You ever have a dream that feels insanely real and you keep thinking about it? That's me today! I had a dream last night that I was flying a plane...as random as that is and today it's been going over and over in my head to the point where I even looked up what it takes to get a pilot license 😄 Not that I will actually do it but it sounds pretty amazing so who knows. Other dancers in my classes today looked at me like I had 3 heads when I told them I was researching getting a pilots license on break from class. I think it is rather fun to prove people wrong and do things they would never expect. For instance I have loved motorcycles since I was kid...so much more fun than driving a car to me & nobody close to me thought a girl like me would actually learn to ride one let alone buy her own once she got her license but I did and I love riding my motorcycle...no regrets there! It would be cool to be able fly a plane. Haha who knows

[art4angles0]

TW; ED

Am I the only person on this app who tries to eat only vegetables to lose weight... I want to be healthy... I have so much training and I need all those calories for running Marathon... But I'm scared that this isn't enough to burn the calories I have eaten... Pls, help if you also be a 0rth0rexi person...

[in-pursuit-of-happiness-caroline]

Reach out

Early this morning I received a message informing me that one of my friends and fellow dancers from the dance studio made an attempt to end her own life last night. Shock, disbelief, confusion and worry are swirling for me right now. I have so many questions like what the hell happened, what was going on for Erika that led her to this?

Thankfully Erika is still alive & currently in the hospital receiving medical attention and treatment. I know the holidays are extremely difficult for so many people & I don't know if that contributed to Erika's decision to attempt suicide but if you are reading this and struggling or lonely or stressed or feeling suicidal this holiday season please talk to someone. You can message me on either of my blogs (this one or my main one).

One thing I have gathered about Erika is whatever problems she was having she hid it & kept it all to herself- to deal with alone. Her family has told me that they never knew anything was wrong and that is the same for myself, & our other friends. I wish she would have talked to someone, talked to me. I know many people hesitate to reach out especially surrounding mental health problems but dealing alone comes at a major price and it's not helpful. Again, my inbox is open if you decide you don't want to first talk to someone directly in your life. I don't have any degrees or many answers but I can be here. This post is giving a PSA vibe but I wanted to put this out there. It's important.