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#I AM ACTUALLY SEEN AS SOMEONE WORTH LIKING
steddieas-shegoes · 22 hours
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He’s not sure why he even comes to these parties anymore. He used to sell at the frat houses, made his rounds until he was out of product, made more money than any minimum wage job he could find near campus.
But he hasn’t in a while. Months, at this point.
It’s just that every time he came to one of these idiotic showing of riches and popularity, the most beautiful man he’d ever seen was sitting in the corner of the kitchen watching with a faraway look in his eyes. Sometimes he stood in a group of people in the living room, but never contributed to the conversation. Once, Eddie saw him swinging his feet back and forth in the water of the hot tub on the back patio with three different couples making out inside it, completely zoned out.
Eddie needs to keep an eye on him. Hence, he attends the stupid parties.
And it’s stupid, to go through so much trouble for a guy he doesn’t even know, who probably doesn’t even notice him back. It’s stupid, but Eddie’s never claimed to be very bright.
Which is probably why he walks up to the guy when he’s about two seconds from punching Tommy Hagan, grabs his wrists, and tugs.
“The fuck are you?” He asks Eddie, reasonably confused and angry at being interrupted by a stranger.
Eddie could feel his pulse against his fingers, swore he could feel a spark of electricity flow between them.
“Eddie. Just leave him. Whatever he did isn’t worth it,” he said through clenched teeth.
His fingers tightened around Steve’s wrists as he considered trying to pick him up, throw him over his shoulder, and walk out of this party entirely.
“How the hell do you know?” Steve wasn’t trying to pull away.
Eddie didn’t let himself think about that too much.
“I just know nothing Hagan does is ever worth trouble for you. C’mon,” Eddie tugged on his wrists again, and this time, it seemed to catch the guy off guard.
“Didn’t know you were into freaks, Harrington,” Tommy said as they took a few steps away from him. “If you’re gonna be gay, you could at least have taste.”
Eddie froze.
The guy, Harrington, tried to pull his wrists loose, but Eddie didn’t let him.
He turned to Tommy, the guy who almost got him arrested for selling at his party only a few months ago, and smirked.
If he was gonna out someone to a stranger, Eddie had no problem doing the same right now.
“And you just sucked my dick because you wanted to add it to your résumé?” Eddie grinned at Tommy, who quickly looked around to make sure no one else heard.
“As if I would-“ he tried to say, but Harrington cut him off.
“You forget you say shit when you’re high. You told me about it already. I think your exact words were, ‘he had the best dick I’ve ever seen, Steve.’ Or am I mixing that up with another dick?” Steve pulled one arm loose from Eddie’s grip, brushed hair from his face, and let it relax at his side.
Eddie could let go now, he was sure if anyone would start something at this point it would be Tommy. But Steve wasn’t trying to pull his other wrist loose and Eddie liked the warmth of him in his hand.
“Whatever man, just go. You don’t even wanna be here,” Tommy turned and left before Steve could respond.
Eddie finally let go, but he didn’t like the immediate sense of loss that filled his chest.
“You always interrupt strangers before they fight?” Steve asked him, hands shoved into his pockets.
Eddie really looked at him, inspected him. He only ever saw him at these parties, so the lighting was shit, but he’d noticed the dark shadows under his eyes a while ago. He noticed that he held himself in a way that showed he was always ready for a fight. Steve’s hair had gone flat over the last month or so, not nearly as voluminous or shiny as it had been at the start of the year.
“Are you okay?” He asked instead of answering the question.
“I’m fine, dude.”
Eddie shook his head. “You don’t seem okay.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Just seems like something is bothering you,” Eddie wouldn’t push more, not if Steve was actually gonna get mad. But something told him that nobody pushed Steve to talk enough.
Eddie had Wayne back home, and his friends in his band here, and a couple coworkers at the bar he worked at twice a week now that he could joke around with. Steve didn’t even seem to have the people he hung around with.
“Why does it matter to you if something is bothering me?”
That’s a fair question. Why does it matter to him?
“Maybe because I just wanted to help. That’s what people do, right?”
“Not for me, usually.”
Eddie stepped closer, barely leaving space between them. “Well, I am.”
Steve stared back at him, shoulders dropping and eyes losing that angry fire.
“Why?”
Eddie was an idiot sometimes, but he was able to read people pretty well. It’s what kept him safe for most of middle and high school, and made him friends in college.
He knew what it looked like to be lonely and depressed, and Steve had check marks next to both of those.
“You wanna get out of here?” Eddie asked, once again avoiding his question.
“And go where?”
“I’ll show you my favorite getting high spot.”
“I don’t really smoke with strangers,” Steve seemed nervous.
“You don’t have to smoke. I’m just gonna show you the place.”
He watched Steve think about it, noting the way his brows scrunched together, how he bit his bottom lip, how he looked at the ground instead of at Eddie.
“Fine. But if you murder me in the woods, my mom will have you hanged,” Steve finally said.
“Hanged? Do they even do that anymore?”
Steve giggled. “Probably not. But she’d find a way.”
“Well, I’ve got no interest in murdering you, big boy.”
The blush that filled Steve’s cheeks was stunning. A perfect pink dusting his skin, giving him a healthier glow than what he’d had for a while.
“What do you have interest in?”
Eddie could say any number of things to flirt, make his true intentions clear, maybe even go straight back to his single dorm instead of showing Steve anywhere.
But Eddie figured that’s all Steve was used to, or maybe he was always the one who had to put an effort into things.
Maybe he wasn’t used to getting treated like a human being.
“I’d like to get to know you. Parties like this aren’t really a good place to learn about someone’s favorite song or what they snack on when they wake up in the middle of the night.”
Steve seemed shocked by this answer, but his features quickly melted into a soft smile, one Eddie would want to see every single day.
“Fine. But it’s not a date,” Steve held out his hand, ready to be led.
Instead of lacing his fingers with Steve’s, or even just grabbing his hand in his palm, he wrapped his fingers around Steve’s wrist again.
“We’ll see.”
———
On graduation day, Steve and Eddie found their way back to their spot, one they’d probably never visit again.
Eddie’s fingers were curled around Steve’s wrist as they stood facing each other, close enough to feel each other’s breaths against their lips.
Nearly two years together, nearly 300 trips to this spot, and more than 500 dates that they never called dates.
And it was just the beginning.
Eddie leaned in to press his lips to Steve’s gently, keeping it soft so they wouldn’t get carried away.
They had to meet Wayne at the Italian restaurant in less than an hour and then Steve’s mom expected them back at Steve’s apartment for a wine and dessert celebration.
They wouldn’t be properly alone like this again for at least a couple days, but they didn’t have time to do much about it right now.
“I love you,” Eddie whispered as he rested his forehead against Steve’s.
“I love you, too,” Steve said back.
He didn’t have dark shadows under his eyes anymore, spending more nights sleeping in bed with Eddie than awake at parties he didn’t want to be at. His hair had most of its shine back. He’d put on a few pounds after joining the gym again, using it as an outlet for stress instead of hiding in corners at parties where he would drink just enough to get buzzed four times a week.
He made friends with Eddie’s friends, plus some of his own when he got a part time job at the coffee shop on campus.
Steve never spoke to Tommy again, at least as far as Eddie knew. He didn’t seem interested in being his friend again, and once he told Eddie more about their “friendship”, he couldn’t really blame him.
“You ready to go see Wayne?” Steve asked him, probably more excited than even Eddie was.
Wayne and Steve bonded quickly and they’d probably spend most of the lunch talking about sports and where they would go fishing this summer.
Eddie nodded, but he pulled something from his pocket before Steve could pull away and start walking back to the car they now shared.
“What’s that?” Steve asked, pointing towards the envelope in Eddie’s hand.
“It’s a gift from me to you. Well, I guess both of us, but I really got it for you.”
He handed it to Steve, who opened it quickly.
He pulled out the paper inside and Eddie watched his eyes fly across the words written there.
“Eddie.”
“Stevie.”
“You got us a trip to Italy? How the fuck did you get us a trip to Italy?” Steve was looking at him, eyes wet with tears.
“Doesn’t matter how. Wayne gave us some money for it, so did your mom. I’ve been saving for a year. Want us to have something special before we have to start working.” Eddie kissed his forehead. “Plus I want any excuse to see you in some of those see-through linen shorts.”
Steve’s lips were on his, his arms wrapped around Eddie’s neck. Eddie wrapped his arms around his waist to hold him there.
“I’ll wear them every day,” he gasped as he leaned in for another kiss.
Eddie laughed. “You won’t hear any complaints from me, sugar.”
“I can’t believe you did this. All I got you was a t-shirt.”
“You know I love t-shirts. I know you love Italy. It’s a win-win for both of us.”
Steve rolled his eyes, but kissed him again.
His eyes widened. “Oh my god. Are you gonna propose in Italy?”
Eddie snorted. “Why would I answer that question?”
“Because! I have to know!”
“Why?”
“So I can make sure I have a nice outfit for pictures, dumbass.”
“You’ll just have to wait and see. You look good in everything,” Eddie kissed the top of his head before he wrapped his fingers around Steve’s wrist and tugged on it once. “Let’s get to Wayne before he sends a search party.”
Eddie smiled to himself as they walked to the car, Steve’s rambling about what he wanted to do in Italy keeping his mind from wandering too far. He couldn’t help thinking about the ring he had stashed away in his guitar case, though.
Italy was the perfect place to propose.
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goldkirk · 5 months
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excuse me for a while guys. tonight I just now figured out that people ACTUALLY like me. Like for real.
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inkskinned · 11 months
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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alchemania · 7 months
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
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spaceratprodigy · 3 months
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🎉 [ Art from 2022-2023 ] 🎉
Happy Birthday to my most favorite person in the world, the love of my life 🖤
I still can't believe this'll make our 10th year of being best friends and even more I can't believe we get to celebrate our 8th anniversary this summer 💖💕
Commission Info | Ko-Fi | My Links
#I was gonna type out more but I decided I didn't want to be too sappy and emotional on main#so much has happened in these past 10 years#I can't believe I made it this far I really did not think I was going to have a future#but I did and I do#I have the most wonderful partner who I connect with in a way I never thought was possible#I am capable of being loved I am capable of loving in return#I learned how to love myself and be unapologetically myself for myself#I lost a lot of people and some very much for the better#I've become so so much happier my god I never thought I'd ever know what this felt like#I'm still angry and numb and having to battle depression but I've grown I've finally become someone worth being proud of#I'm no longer letting that anger and grief and everything that comes with it take over#I can't believe I've actually become gentler and kinder#I can't believe I've actually made genuine friends with people who are nice and caring and supportive#and are actually happy to see me and not trying to take advantage of me at every opportunity I'm finally seen as a person#I can't believe I'm finally in a safe environment I don't have to be terrified anymore I'm not going to be hurt anymore#I can't believe how far I've come creatively bc of how much bf has supported my every passion wholeheartedly#he is the reason I have a drawing tablet he is the one who encourages me and cheers on everything I do#god I still don't know how I could ever in my life thank you enough for every goddamn wonderful thing you do for me#you have changed everything for the better none of this would have ever happened if it wasn't for you#it's always been you#I fucking love you#more than anything in this universe and the next#forever and always#my art#glad I listened to my first tag lmao
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kalach-cha · 9 months
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me? tearing up over a comment someone left me on ao3? it’s more likely than you think
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theogony · 1 year
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also i kin. a crocodile now
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forbiddennhoney · 1 year
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i think a lot more ppl need to get comfortable with the fact that some ppl self describe as ugly not as a way to tear themselves down but as an acknowledgement of the beauty standards that exist and how, even with "expanding" the definition of beauty, we still Do Not fit into that expansion and NO amount of expansion of beauty ideals is going to change that.
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ivegoneturbo · 1 month
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ough
#hey siri how do i tell my boyfriend i am feeling the way i am#even after i told him i was feeling this way but i didn’t want to go in depth until i knew i had his full attention#and it’s been almost a month and he hasn’t brought it up again or made time for me#and i’m just so frustrated but i also know that he is autistic and does not understand unless i tell him#but telling him the first time was such a fucking hurdle for me because of my own confrontation issues#and i’m reaching my limit on how much bullshit i’m willing to tolerate#and basically everyone in my life is telling me to break up with him#but idk if i want to cause i do like him i just wish he would fix the issue and make me feel important#but i also think one of the reasons holding me back from just ending it is my fear of being alone#cause it took 5 years of trying to actually find someone that i liked that back#and i just want to be loved by someone whole heartedly#but it’s so fucking hard to find someone that idk how long it would take for it to happen again#but i also don’t want to settle because im worth more than this#but i’m so scared of being alone again but i basically am anyway because he’s barely around#it’s been nearly 5 months that we started dating and he said he loved the drive and was gonna do it often#but we haven’t seen each other since he left and he never wants to talk about it or plan something#i know what i have to do for my own sanity but FUCK is it hard#sorry for the rant to my followers and moots who see this#i just wanted to scream into a void
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monster-noises · 7 months
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having some weird complicated feelings about wanting to make art that I don't want to but also absolutely couldn't post
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satorusdiary · 1 year
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dilf!toji being your ex bf
fluff & angst + making up + cuddling + toji not being able to resist you when you look so fragile + toji forever loving you
part 2! - back in love !
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You sent 1:03 am
hey, r u awake?
toji places the cigarette back down on the ashtray, looking at his phone slightly shocked. it’s been months since you and him have had contact, the split up that has happened to your relationship has left a strain in his heart.
why did you text him at this hour? and most importantly, why aren’t you asleep? toji knows how well your sleep schedule usually was.
his friends look at him concerned, the look on toji’s face confusing them even more compared to when he stopped smoking repeatedly just a few seconds ago.
“fushiguro, you good?” satoru questions, patting his friends shoulder as he looks over at his friends phone. he wasn’t able to get a look at the message before toji pulls the phone into a direction that wasn’t able to be seen.
“yeah.. jus’ lemme call someone real quick.” before the rest of his friends could protest, toji is up and walking over to an empty room in the apartment. taking a seat on the bed.
Toji sent 1:09 am
thought i told you to lose my number
now that’s something he wouldn’t text you, he immediately starting regretting sending that message the second you immediately read the message.
you were his sweet little girl. the young woman who he swore he was gonna marry, the one he swore to have kids with.
things were different when he realized how much his life would have an impact on you if you stayed with him.
what’s good about a sweet girl who has a bright future getting with a older man selling illegal substances, that could send him to jail for years and years.
yeah not good at all.
toji knew what’s best for you, and if it meant him not being with you then it was worth it.
because he loved you, and would do physically anything in his power for you to have the best in life.
You sent 1:09 am
i know, i just need someone to talk to rn. i’m sorry
his heart weeps, you still want his comfort even after he has completely broke you, and your relationship with him.
he should be in jail for just breaking you in general.
toji sighs, not knowing how to reply. he wants to comfort you, yet he wants to push you away from his life. push you away from the trouble and the dangers that could happen to you.
he thinks you have given up until you text him 3 minutes later.
You sent 1:12 am
can i call you, please toji?
he couldnt deny it. he just couldnt. his love for you was simply unbreakable even if you weren’t together anymore.
his friends out in the living room are most likely concerned and worried for toji, but that’s the least of his problems. he needs to know if you’re okay, if you’re hurt.
‘incoming call from Toji’
he swears his heart skips a beat when the call goes through.
toji is not one to get nervous. especially with anything in general. but when it came to you, everything comes crashing down. when it comes to you, toji is willing to do anything for you, because you were his girl. his love.
“..hi” your voice is shaky, it seems you’re nervous as well. could he blame you though? this was the first time in months he has actually spoke to you.
“hey.” he replies, hoping you wouldn’t notice the weak tone in his voice as he spoke.
there’s a moment of silence, and soft breathing from your end before toji speaks up.
“are you ok? why’d you call me.”
it’s harsh, his tone is harsh. your eyes begin watering, and you hope he doesn’t notice.
“i-i am just having trouble sleeping, that’s all. ‘wanted your company atleast to calm me down.” your tone has a small strain, as if you were crying for hours before you called him.
it was as if he was able to see your puffy eyes through the screen, he could just imagine it now.
“there’s something else, hm? c’mon tell me, y’know i won’t judge.” especially with you. is what he wanted to say as-well, but he couldn’t get to soft with you now. he couldn’t.
he hears a sniffle from your end, feeling his heart clench once more. as if his heart is dropping to the bottom of his stomach.
“okay.. t-truth is i usually sleep better with you ‘round. but since you’re gone, ‘ts been kinda rough. i just wanted to call you for once, to see if it would help..” you confessed, voice breaking down in between sentences.
toji has an urge to put you down, and hang up. but he couldn’t, how could he resist you? especially after everything he has put you through.
the bracelet on his wrist that has your initials come into his vision. you had made this for him when he was sick, he has never took it off ever since.
“y’want me to come over? not gonna make contact, jus’ gonna be there til you sleep.” he says calmly, he swore he could’ve heard you sigh in relief.
“mhmm, yes please..” you’re still polite, his sweet girl is still sweet around him. that’s what he misses with you.
“alright’ be there in 10. jus know i’m never doin this shit again, kay?” he says harshly, too harsh.
you sniffle again, he could tell your frowning and having tears drop on your phone screen. his heart strings get tugged, and he calms his weeping heart.
he’s hurt you once again.
the call ends before you could say anything else, and he’s out of the bedroom quickly taking his keys. his friends look at him concerned.
“yo, you good?” suguru comments, looking up at his friend who was ready to leave the apartment.
“where you going?” satoru also questions.
toji shakes his head, letting out a deep sigh as he turns to look at his of friends once again.
“gonna be gone for a bit, see ya tomorrow?” he waves them off, and goes out the door before they could reply, or ask anymore questions.
he knows he said he would be at your place by 10 minutes, but he ends up arriving in 5 minutes. quickly at your door step, knocking on the door gently.
just as he predicted, you open the door almost immediately.
when he looks at you, he swears he could break down then and there. on your door step.
your eyes are puffy, you’re wearing his hoodie that he “accidentally” left at your home, and there were dried tear stains on your puffy cheeks.
he wanted to kiss your cheeks badly, and cradle you in his arms. but he resisted.
thats before you crash into his arms, immediately breaking down. hugging him tightly as if he was going to disappear again.
toji breaks, he can’t handle the cold act around you any longer.
“y/n? what’s wrong baby? speak to me..” toji coo’s, his harsh tone disappeared. you automatically feel comfort from his nice tone, something you missed.
there he is, the sweet older boyfriend you have always missed. the man who was your home, your protector, your everything.
“‘missed you s’much toji. miss being with you and megumi, i-i can’t sleep without thinking about how i could’ve been better for you.” you stutter repeatedly.
it was no lie that megumi missed you as well. the boy who is only 3 years old can not go a night without asking where you were, if you were coming back to him without breaking down. because you made the little boy feel loved.
toji’s heart breaks, now he notices how selfish he has been. yes he was protecting you, but he also broke you so much. regret seeps into his body, he wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly.
“‘s not your fault sweets, you were more than enough for me. c’mon, let’s go to bed.” he murmurs, picking you up bridal style and walks towards your bedroom. the door behind him shutting closed.
the photo of you both happily together was still on your night stand, toji’s heart breaks for the millionth time in the past hour.
his side of the bed was cold, as if you never slept on it. that’s because it felt wrong sleeping on that side, knowing it once belonged to him.
you continue crying as you’re placed on the bed, still in toji arms. he’s careful with you, placing kisses on your face and rubbing your body to give you his heat.
“i-i miss you.. s’much.” you repeat, looking up at him for the first time with clear sight. tears drying back on your cheeks.
he gives you a sad smile and kisses both of your cheeks, sticky with tears.
“i miss you more sweetheart, missed my little girl s’much.. ‘l’ll explain everythin to you tomorrow, kay?” he questions, caressing your cold cheek.
the smile you give him is sad, but could easily melt the coldness in his heart.
after you nod he places a kiss on your lips, before pulling you closer, your head on his chest while is head is rested on top of yours.
the night goes by, and your soft snores fill the room. toji’s eyes are still glued onto the photo of you both, looking so happy, so dumb and in love.
he is gonna make that happen again, only for you. he’d figure out everything else soon, his priority was now you.
“i love you, missed you more than anything. baby.” he whispers quietly, placing one last kiss to your temple before drifting off to sleep.
for the first time in months he is able to sleep with no bad feelings, or any nightmares.
that is because you’re by his side, by his side to push away all the bad thoughts. by his side to make him feel loved again.
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Jujutsu Kaisen masterlist
part 2 - back in love !
a/n: don’t mind typos pls, it’s like 3:47 am😭😭
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afterglowsainz · 1 month
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so it goes… | carlos sainz
summary: carlos has the biggest crush on the famous up and coming actress but she doesn’t know who he is
fc: anya taylor-joy
warnings: this is my first smau so plsss tell me what you think <3 i made it a bit long cause i’m use to write detailed stories but is worth it i swear!! also english is not my first language so there might be mistakes
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liked by carlossainz55, bffusername and others
ynusername life lately 🧚🏼‍♀️
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user1 she’s so pretty ughhh
user2 y/n please give me just once chance i’m beggin
user3 simping respectfully
carlossainz55 que linda! (so pretty!)
user4 hello??
user5 ariana what are you doing here 😭
bffusername literally my wife 😮‍💨
ynusername me and you forever 🤭
user6 mother
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carlossainz55 great weekend all in all 🏆 podium and good points for the team, ready for the next! 🔜
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user4 let’s gooo smooth operator‼️
user7 forza ferrari 🐎
charlesleclerc great job! double podium next race 👊🏼
user8 brilliant drive carlos!!
user9 VAMOOOOS (let’s go)
user5 okay we see y/n’s best friend in the likes 👀
user10 i think she’s a ferrari fan!
landonorris congrats on the podium or whatever 🙄
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ynusername emma is now on streaming platforms !!! go watch it 🫶🏽
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user1 and they call her the it girl !!!
user2 favorite movie of the year 💞
user3 y/n y/l/n future oscar winner‼️
bffusername GO WATCH MY WIFE’S MOVIE OR ELSE
ynusername you heard her!
carlossainz55 loved the movie!
user4 okay but are we believing he actually saw a romantic period piece or?? 🤨
user5 idk why i kinda believe it solely on the fact that he’s obsessed with y/n 😭
user6 i don’t see the appeal, she’s not all that :/
user4 now i know you did NOT just said that about THE Y/N Y/L/N
user7 y/n drop another movie i’ve already seen this one a thousand times :( (liked by carlossainz55)
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ynusername italian nights 🧿
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bffusername my girlfriend the prettiest of prettiest 🥰
user1 picture at a church and partying with måneskin? ohhh she’s cool cool
user2 carlos i understand you completely
carlossainz55 beautiful!
ynusername thank you! 💕
user3 omg did she actually??
user4 somebody make sure carlos is still alive and breathing pls
user5 finally! my boy has been in the trenches for monthsss
landonorris 👀
user6 now lando what do you know??
(ynusername has started following carlossainz55)
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carlossainz55 summer break 🏁
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user1 well hello there
user2 weird way to ask me to marry you but ofc🤭
user3 not carlos immediately posting a thirst trap after yn followed him 😭
user4 thirst trap seems a bit much…
user3 him just casually posting the most earth shattering hottest pictures out of nowhere??
user4 okay you may have a point
user5 post a warning or something next time jesus
user6 I AM ON MY KNEES PLEASE
user7 dinner would be served, house would be cleaned, kids on bed, anything he wants
ynusername 🥰 (liked by carlossainz55)
carlossainz55 🫶🏽
user8 girl me too
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yourusername beautiful beautiful madrid 🤍
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user1 omg you’re in my city!!!
user2 someone send this to carlos quick!
user3 you’re so beautiful 😻
user4 carlossainz55 my guy this is your chance
user5 you’re STUNNING 🤩
carlossainz55 i need to show you all the nice places🫶🏽 (liked by yourusername)
yourusername omg please!! i need a local tour guide
carlossainz55 😊
user6 omg is this the beginning of something???
user7 i’m shipping them already 🤭
user8 someone check on carlos please‼️
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vanessagillings · 2 months
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I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  
I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?
If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 
So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 
It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.
But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.
If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:
What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz
We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia
Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD
Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom
Neurotribes by Steve Silberman
(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).
Thanks for reading 💛
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punkitt-is-here · 11 months
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Hey everyone! As MANY of you know following last night...
I am a transgender woman!
Big moment for me! I have been for many years actually, I've been out in my public life offline for quite a while now! But I was always nervous about coming out online, for a myriad of reasons I don't really think I need to get into. But! I'm so glad I could come out in the silliest way possible. I'm super honored by all the sweet messages I've been getting, and it has me incredibly overjoyed that everyone has been so supportive of me. Thank you to everyone who supported me on this silly saga, and I hope it's been worth the wait! It feels REALLY nice to finally be out online, as this was really the last space I wasn't "upfront" about it. As much fun as being a mystery was, I much prefer being explicitly a girl online much like I am in real life.
A couple things!!! I don't want this to be everything about me; it's partially why I didn't come out earlier! I've seen how some audiences make the transness of creators their WHOLE thing, and I'd prefer it not be the thing that defines me. I LOVE being trans, and it's a big part of me, but I'd rather be known as someone who makes really cool art and not "that funny trans woman" (even though I am, hehe). I'm super cool with people talking about my transness, just don't make it the only thing about me!
Two, as fun as the pronoun mystery was, it's officially over! Sorry to the any/all-he/him-they/them punkitt truthers out there, btw. (Excited that my energy really isn't genderable at all, though!) So, even if it was fun that I was a gender mystery, I'd prefer everyone refer to me as she/her exclusively! No he/him, and I'd prefer not to be they/them'd consistently (although I know for some people it's the default and it's fine if it slips, and if someone just doesn't know that's not an issue in the slightest). Even if me being a funny gender wizard is entertaining (and it WAS, lemme tell ya) I want to have my identity respected!
ANYWAY that's all that LAME STUFF out of the way; I want to say thank you to everyone who's helped me along the way and the overwhelming support I've had in the time of me coming out to now. I'm incredibly happy I have an audience of such sweet, caring folks, and I can't wait to make more silly, fun stuff for everyone now that I'm truly allowed to be my silly, fun self online. Have a great one, folks! ❤️
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snaillock · 9 months
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would you do satosugu discovering their "friend" (both of them have a fatass crush on m!reader) is a teen dad, and just all of them chaotically taking care of a baby. (like those collage students raising a baby tiktoks?)
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ok so technically i only write for blue lock buttttttttttt… i am more than willing to make an exception for this. this is also my favorite niche of satosugu fics so im super honored someone requested it from me
tags: male reader has a foster daughter bc hell yeah girl dads, unnamed child bc that's too much for me, reader is a sorcerer, found family but in a janked up kinda way, whipped satosugu, pre-hidden inventory so everyone is in high school in this this a long one yall
part two coming soon!
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★ when assigned an extremely harsh mission, you find an orphaned child barely a year old within all the rumble. you soon found out her family was recently killed in the destruction. unsure of what would happen to her after this, you decided to take her as your own.
★ scared of any judgment, you didn’t tell anyone about her so only a few higher-ups were aware. luckily you were allowed to live off campus so you two could have more space and privacy.
★ however the physical effects of raising a kid all on your own at such a young age were certainly showing. you came to school visibly worn down, often falling asleep in the middle of class and taking more absences than usual.
★ the first people to notice, of course, were gojo and geto. as nosy as they were, they tried not to push it, knowing you had just come back from a really taxing mission. though they did get more and more suspicious whenever you didn’t let them visit your new place.
★ however one day, they did spot you out in public wearing a baby carrier with, of course, a baby they’d never seen before resting right inside. they immediately came up to you and bombarded you with multiple questions before you got them to chill out and explained everything.
★ wanting you to take some time off (and win you over), they offer to take care of her regularly. who were you to refuse? after all, it is free babysitting and you were already using up so much money hiring actual babysitters.
★ during their first babysitting job, you thanked them profusely before going back into your room and instantly falling asleep the moment your body hit your bed, taking a very well-deserved nap.
★ you see, gojo was already pretty hesitant about you having a kid around. this was before he took in megumi so he found basically any child gross and annoying. (though he’s somehow even more attracted to you now that you’re a dad.)
★ coughs dilf lover gojo i mean what?
★ so when gojo picked up your baby for the first time, she immediately cried when they made eye contact and he got so so personally offended that he started rethinking this whole babysitting thing.
★ the first thirty minutes or so of taking care of your kid went pretty okay. that was until she started crying again and neither of them knew why.
★ you see, these idiots have no idea how to care for a child.
★ they frantically tried to calm her down and figure out what was wrong without needing to wake you. they checked if she was hurt in any way, she definitely wasn’t hungry since they already fed her, nor did she need to be changed. gojo even called shoko to see if she could do anything.
★ when they eventually saw her crawling towards your room and sobbing right outside your door, hesitantly let her in to see her climb onto your bed and lay down with you, realizing she just missed you the whole time. that entire experience made them so exhausted that they almost climbed into bed with you. but when they saw the gratitude on your face after you woke up, it made it all worth it.
★ luckily the next few times they watched over her, babysitting got more and more easy as she grew used to them.
★ they start coming over so often to look after her that your place basically becomes their second home.
★ geto is in charge of doing her hair since the last time gojo attempted it, it was just a big mess of hair ties and ribbons. geto’s definitely not complaining since he loves to get her ready. in fact, geto does a lot of the responsible stuff when taking care of her since gojo, hmm what’s a nice way to put it, lacks a lot of the necessary skills.
★ oh yeah, remember what i said about gojo hating younger children? yeah, that completely changes as he spends more time with your daughter. he’s almost always playing with her or showing up with a brand new toy or stuffed animal just for her. he ends up loving her so so much and wants to be her cool fun dad.
★ unfortunately both of them are way too nice when it comes to disciplining her. they let her get away with so much. late bedtimes, too much tv, grabbing any treats she wants off the grocery store shelves. how can they not spoil such an adorable little girl like her!?
★ what’s also unfortunate is how they try to drag you into it.
“come on, y/n. let loose a little. cake for dinner does sound pretty appetizing right now.”
“come on. just let her watch ten more minutes before bed.” gojo lazed on the couch with her on his lap. “besides this cartoon is starting to get good.”
“come onnn… just let her buy it.” geto held up a sparkly pink dress you already told him she doesn’t need with his own sparkles in his eyes. “she’ll look so cute in it. i promise i’ll pay you back.”
★ their hearts explode whenever you’re affectionate with her. they love the way you gently rock her in your arms while humming a sweet lullaby, slowly lulling her to sleep. the way they see you kiss her forehead after placing her into the crib before quickly turning around and acting like they weren’t staring the whole time. they fall head over heels for you for probably the twentieth time by now since they met you but those times were definitely the hardest.
★ they’ve been in her life for a good while so when she begins talking more frequently, she starts calling them her papas as she does with you. gojo aka former “ugh kids are so gross and icky” feels his heart combusting whenever she calls him that and he owns that title proudly. meanwhile geto feels so endeared and honored that she sees him that way.
★ “we’re not the stepdads. we’re the dads that stepped up!” looking asses.💀
★ the secret of you having a kid doesn’t last for long since these two can’t keep quiet about it. they’re just way too happy and want to show her off. especially gojo who scrolls through 100s of photos of her while gushing about her to basically anyone who’ll listen. shoko and nanami are the most common targets whenever this happens.
★ he even ends up showing photos of you and your daughter napping together (that you had no idea he took), making you snatch his phone away in embarrassment.
★ whenever you guys go out on family dates to go to the beach or picnicking, geto always takes the time to dress her up with pretty hairstyles and cute little outfits. he absolutely loves doting on her.
★ they love her with all their hearts and would do absolutely anything for her. she’s so lucky to have three weird dads take care of her and raise her. a very odd and… unconventional family dynamic but an amazing one nonetheless. this family only grows bigger and bigger once gojo takes in megumi and geto practically adopts mimiko and nanako.
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please read my rules before following
taglist: @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060 @kiiyoooo
ayo we rocking with the star bullet points?? 🗣️⁉️
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rivkae-winters · 1 month
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Edit: the app launched and Is down- I have the initial apology video in a post here and I’m working on getting a full archive of their TikTok up ASAP. I’m letting the rest of this post remain since I do still stand by most of it and also don’t like altering things already in circulation.
Warning for criticism and what I’d consider some harsh to outright mean words:
So I’ve just been made aware of the project known of as ‘lore.fm’ and I’m not a fan for multiple reasons. For one this ‘accessibility’ tool complicates the process of essentially just using a screen reader (something native to all I phones specifically because this is a proposed IOS app) in utterly needless and inaccessible ways. From what I have been seeing on Reddit they have been shielding themselves (or fans of the project have been defending them) with this claim of being an accessibility tool as well to which is infuriating for so many reasons.
I plan to make a longer post explaining why this is a terrible idea later but I’ll keep it short for tonight with my main three criticisms and a few extras:
1. Your service requires people to copy a url for a fic then open your app then paste it into your app and click a button then wait for your audio to be prepared to use. This is needlessly complicating a process that exists on IOS already and can be done IN BROWSER using an overlay that you can fully control the placement of.
2. This is potentially killing your own fandom if it catches on with the proposed target market of xreader smut enjoyers because of only needing the link as mentioned above. You don’t have to open a fic to get a link this the author may potentially not even get any hits much less any other feedback. At least when you download a pdf you leave a hit: the download button is on the page with the fic for a reason. Fandom is a self sustaining eco system and many authors get discouraged and post less/even stop writing all together if they get low interaction.
3. Maybe we shouldn’t put something marketed as turning smut fanfic into audio books on the IOS App Store right now. Maybe with KOSA that’s a bad idea? Just maybe? Sarcasm aside we could see fan fiction be under even more legal threat if minors use this to listen to the content we know they all consume via sites like ao3 (even if we ask them not to) and are caught with it. Auditory content has historically been considered much more obscene/inappropriate than written content: this is a recipe for a disaster and more internet regulations we are trying to avoid.
I also have many issues with the fact that this is obviously redistributing fanfiction (thus violating the copyright we hold over our words and our plots) and removing control the author should have over their content and digital footprint. Then there is the fact that even though the creator on TikTok SAYS you can email to have your fic ‘excluded’ based on the way the demo works (pasting a link) I’m gonna assume that’s just to cover her ass/is utter bullshit. I know that’s harsh but if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it’s probably a duck.
I am all for women in stem- I’ve BEEN a woman in Stem- but this is not a cool girl boss moment. This is someone naive enough to think this will go over well at best or many other things (security risks especially) at worst.
In conclusion for tonight: I hope this person is a troll but there is enough hype and enough paid for web domains that I don’t think that’s the case. There are a litany of reasons every fanfic reader and writer should be against something like this existing and I’ll outline them all in several other posts later.
Do not email their opt out email address there is no saying what is actually happening with that data and it is simply not worth the risks it could bring up. I hate treating seemingly well meaning people like potential cyber criminals but I’ve seen enough shit by now that it’s better to be safe than sorry. You’re much safer just locking all your fics to account only. I haven’t yet but I may in the future if that is the only option.
If anyone wants a screen reader tutorial and a walk through of my free favorites as well as the native IOS screen reader I can post that later as well. Sorry for the heavy content I know it’s not my normal fare.
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