#I AM OUT OF COLLEGE AND I HAVE AN ENTIRE DOG. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU DO TO BE A PERSON

[harmonicakai]

I Bet on Losing Dogs

Pairing: Beomgyu x Reader

Summary: Your insecurities get the best of you and you abandon your relationship with Beomgyu in the worst way possible.

Tropes: friends with benefits, angst, college AU, band AU

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: mentions of sex (mdni), emotional unavailability, slut shaming, no happy ending :-(

A/N: This is SAD because I am currently sad and also I didn’t bother to edit it. Apologies in advance to the Beomgyu biased readers bc I know this is not what anybody asked for </3

“You disappeared Like a faint ghost I bury it in the air What am I to you?” —Ghosting, TXT

You’re a horrible person.

Really, you should’ve broken things off with Beomgyu before they even began. It’s never a good idea to be friends with benefits with somebody you actually like. 

You do your best to distract yourself from confessing your love to him by sleeping with other guys. What started bright and electric between the two of you has fizzled with each encounter, his touch now feeling dull and hollow on your skin.

So, when you wake up next to him after a movie night, your stomach drops when you see the marks he’s left on your neck. Everybody will know what you get up to, if they haven’t already been gossiping about it behind your back.

There’s a numbness to the way you slip out of his apartment without so much as a goodbye. If you had woken him up, he would’ve noticed the sad look on your face and canceled all of his plans to spend the day making you feel better.

You don’t deserve his friendship, let alone his love, although he's only confessed the latter when he thinks you’re asleep and can’t hear him. Or, sometimes Huening Kai will let it slip how much Beomgyu talks about you when they’re away.

The walk home is brutal. You’re even wearing the jacket he’s refused to let you give back to him, knowing that if you had left it behind, he’d surely know something was wrong.

When he notices you’re gone, he shoots you a text about Merriam-Webster’s word of the day. Beomgyu has never cared for linguistics, but he knows you’re a real nerd about this kind of stuff. You decide not to reply.

Things would be much easier if you could just disappear out of his life, but the two of you have become so intertwined that it’s impossible. All of your friends are his friends.

Before him, you were just some quiet girl who shrunk away in the back of the classroom. After getting paired up and reading the poetry you managed to dream up, Beomgyu knew he had to get to know you more.

For most guys, the way he acts with you would come off as desperate. But he’s so earnest in his admiration for you and your talent that there’s simply no way he could possibly be faking it.

The first time you had gotten together was an honest mistake. You had been dumped, again, and he was there for you. It seems like he always is every time another man decides you aren’t worth his time.

It’s not that you don't love him. You do, as much as you’re able to. But you know that if you actually took things to the next level and they didn’t work out, it would break you entirely.

Still, is ghosting him without any sort of reason or explanation any better?

With finals in full swing, you know you’ve got the perfect excuse to be distant for a while. It’s the summertime that you’re worried about. Beomgyu has made sure to include you in every plan of his that he thinks you’d like, sometimes even arranging entire days around you in between his band’s schedules.

Really, the easiest way out is to start dating someone else. It always makes Beomgyu shrink further away from you to know that you will consistently pick someone else over him, although he’s secretly satisfied when things inevitably go sour. He hates knowing that the only thing that drives you into his arms is being rejected by somebody else, but he wants you too much to care.

The two of you talk about everything except how you feel about him, and he knows that he isn’t entitled to any of your emotions. You’ve made it clear from the start that you’re never going to be able to reciprocate in the way that he’d like for you to.

You weren’t always like this. At the start of college, you came in with the idea that you’d fall in love and have your happily ever after. But years of being used for your body and consequently dumped without reason has ripped your heart off your sleeve.

The way Beomgyu worships the ground you walk on makes no sense. You hate yourself. Maybe he just wants something to fix, and once you finally open up to him, he’ll leave you just like everybody else.

The thought makes no sense knowing him, but it’s the driving force in never confessing how you actually feel. So, you offer up yourself physically in the hopes that it’s enough, but it always leaves you feeling empty inside afterward. No amount of kisses or compliments will probably ever change that.

Among his bandmates, you’re closest to Yeonjun. He’s the only one who knows that you love Beomgyu just as much, maybe even more, than he loves you. 

It was revealed through a drunken confession at a frat party the weekend Beomgyu went home for his mom’s birthday, where you immediately got embarrassed and proceeded to go home with the first guy who gave you any sort of attention.

Meaningless sex is really the only way you can get off these days, but the act always leaves you feeling worse than feeling nothing at all with Beomgyu. But if you’re never going to be good enough, pure enough, to truly deserve him, then what’s the harm in another hook up?

You know that every time he finds out you've been with somebody else, you’re breaking his heart. It’s just that there’s so much love from him to go around that it never actually makes a difference in how he treats you. He has the biggest heart you’ve ever seen and you don’t even have the decency to not trample all over it.

You wonder if everybody else also agrees that you’re not good enough for him. They’re so nice whenever you’re around, but you’ve seen men turn into monsters behind your back. For your sake, you try not to think about anybody else's opinion besides Beomgyu’s, but even those thoughts weigh heavy on your shoulders.

After a few days of not returning his texts, he finally musters up the courage to call you. Before you can pick up, your phone sends him to voicemail, and you know that’ll be enough of a sign for him to leave you alone.

It isn’t until you run into him dropping off your poetry final in the writing department’s office that he truly sees what’s become of you.

You haven’t slept properly in days, and you barely eat. Your eyes are constantly puffy from crying all the time, and today is no different. Seeing you like this devastates him.

“Y/N,” he says, his voice shaky and barely above a whisper. He’s got his hand wrapped around your wrist to keep you from running away. His demand for an explanation on where you’ve been and why is stuck inside his throat, and instead, only sobs come out of his mouth.

Beomgyu never cries, and watching as he tries to hide the tears running down his face reminds you that he must be hurting just as much as you are. You want so badly to hold him and apologize, but all you do is stare.

Eventually, he manages to collect himself as much as he can, taking in the irreparable damage you’ve caused one last time.

“Here,” he says, digging in his backpack and handing you a stapled stack of papers. It’s his final project. “I’ll go print another. I want you to read these. Please, promise me you’ll read them.”

You accept the papers, your eyes skimming over the lines of poetry on the first page. It's about you. You flip through the rest of the stack. They're all about you.

It takes everything in you not to start crying too, although you’re so exhausted that you don’t think anything would even come out at this point.

“I promise,” you assure him, although neither of you know if you’re telling the truth.

—————-

Taglist: @orangesodafoam @deezbutz28 @ur-mother-realnotclickbait @iyeeeverydee @internet-folks @darlingz99 @foxyjun @stardustmooncakes @giaalorine @beomgyubabybear @niningtori @goquokka @csbenthusiast @moarmyjkhk @lizdevorak @sooberryworld @lonelybutterflytae @midnight-mochii @theresawtf @nowadays56 @jjklvr9 @baekberrie

P.S.: Please shoot me an ask or a reply if you’d like to be added to (or removed from) the taglist! I struggle to keep up with different lists for individual members, but if you really don't want to be tagged on all of my works, just let me know and I will do my best to make a note <3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to get my grandparents to plan for when I leave?

(sending this 3/27/24 in case dates/timelines are important or something)

I (20X) am planning to move in with my brother in the very near future (like within a month or two), and I'm also planning to take some college classes at the local community college starting this fall. I've been worried about my grandparents because they're both in their 70s (my grandma is 74, my grandpa turns 77 next month) and have some disabilities. It's important to note I've lived with them almost my entire life, and their disabilities have gotten worse as they've aged. Because they're disabled, I do a lot of stuff around the house for them. This makes me worried about what they'll do when I leave and how they'll navigate because I feel like they're dependent on me.

My grandpa's been out of town for the past week and got back last night, so I mentioned today that I want him and my grandma to plan for when I leave. The response was basically "we'll be fine, go live your life" and "we've never had an empty nest before" and the empty nest comment honestly just seems like it proves my point?

One of the issues is my grandparents babysit my cousins a lot (the youngest being 2 months old, the oldest being 10) and they especially get dependent on me when they're babysitting. Additionally I'm planning to completely cut all contact with them because they've been emotionally abusive for as long as I can remember (even sometimes getting physically abusive to myself, my brother, and my dog). I haven't told them about this yet, mostly because I feel like they'd freak out (they are the type to say they're the people who raised me so they're entitled to whatever from me).

I feel like a bit of an asshole for even telling them to plan out what they're gonna do when I leave because they have kids around town, which is where the empty nest comment came from I think. But on the other hand, my grandpa leaves the house a lot without my grandma, and my grandma can't get around very well, partly because she had a stroke back in 2010 that messed up her balance. I'm primarily worried that something will happen to her and nobody will be around to help her out. Additionally, their kids have lives and jobs of their own, so there's no guarantee they'd be able to get their kids' help if they need it.

They're so insistent that they don't need a plan that I'm tempted to have them act like I don't exist for a week and see how they do.

I also have generalized anxiety disorder, in case that's relevant. Both of my grandparents know about this diagnosis.

TLDR: AITA for trying to get my grandparents to make a plan for when I leave, despite them having their kids around town?

[fabraies]

HOW YOU GET THE GIRL K. DENKI x F! READER

summary having a non-committal boyfriend can be tough. What no one told you, was that having one that was more than committed could be a struggle, too.

warnings none. she's just a baby drabble to keep people happy (including me). Tooth rotting fluff ☝️maybe the ts title for kanye fans idk who knows

notes guess who came back from the dead!! It's been a little while, but here I am again (for how long is a mystery im not willing to uncover just yet). As an apology let me offer you this little drabble of mine that's been sitting in my drafts for quite a while..

You want to laugh. The situation is horribly, ridiculously comic. It was supposed to be your break from college, being back in your hometown and all, but your boyfriend does not seem to have the same definition than you when it comes to the word, 'break.

"What are you doing here !?" You shout at Kaminari, all the way from your bedroom, on the second floor of your two story house. "It's raining cats and dogs out there, are you insane ?" You release a little giggle you were unable to keep in, despite the urgency showing in your tone.

"For you!" The boy replies, moving the wet front pieces of his hair away from his forehead.

"Don't be stupid! You'll get hypothermia!"

"I can't go back home! It's past 11, the next bus is in thirty minutes!”

He did this on purpose, you think. He had to. No one willingly knows the entire night bus schedule, yet still decides to go stand in front of a pretty girl's house hoping she'll open her window to see which freak had the stupid idea to stand in the rain waiting for her. No one, except Kaminari.

"Come on, pity me and invite me inside, I know you want to!" He grins, hand above his squinting eyes, trying to minimalize the amount of droplets blurring his eyesight.

What an idiot, you think. He's right, though. You do want to invite him inside.

"See the ladder on your left ?" The blonde follows your instructions, looking around, until his eyes fall on a little red one, obviously made for kids, shining under the moonlight due to the cheap plastic material. He looks up at you in confusion, before you burst out laughing. "No, not this one, Einstein! The silver one, right behind the hedge!"

It takes him a hot minute and a few laps around the front yard to figure out where the ladder you're talking about is, but he gets there eventually.

"You need to be careful with that next part, okay?" You lean forward, hands gripping at your window sill in worry.

"If you scratch the facade, my dad will kill you and me both!" Kaminari nods fervently at your demand.

"Okay, alright. So just get this right under- Wait I got it. I got it!" Kaminari's tongue makes its way through his teeth as a sign of utmost concentration, and it takes everything in you to not start laughing, again.

You're about to stabilise the ladder under your window sill when the sound of footsteps can be heard all the way from downstairs, and your father's huffs gradually get louder as he goes up the stairs.

You whisper-shout Kaminari's name to get him to stand aside and hide while he still can, but the rain harshly hitting the facade muffles your voice, and prevent you from warning your not-so knight in his not-so shining armour.

Screw it, you think, as you make a run for your bed and swiftly slide under the covers, he'll figure it out!

As it turns out, Kaminari did not figure it out. Not only did your father catch you a leg away from being completely engulfed by the covers looking as guilty as ever, but he also had the great idea to look out by the window, only to find your stupidly loving boyfriend wave back at him, as if a late night rendez vous involving an impressively big ladder and a yellow haired idiot was more than normal on a random Tuesday night.

"What are you doing down there, son?"

"Um, I just.. I was looking at your geraniums, sir! Nice lot of flowers you have right there!"

At this, your father only sighs. Yours follows up only five seconds later, letting Kaminari know just how much he'd screwed this impromptu visit at his girlfriend's. Much to his surprise (and yours) your father's answer much differs to his reaction:

"Next time, just use the front door."

[critter-coded]

I'm honestly questioning myself from scratch for a while. I want to feel entirely confident in what I'm calling myself, but that doesn't make me less of a therian either.

I'm going to be entirely transparent for a moment as an adult, and explain sort of my feelings and why I've felt so wishy washy with my labels lately. I don't feel that I "owe" anyone an explanation, but I do feel that others may relate.

I've been trained for 22 years be a human.

In elementary school, I answered "dog" for what I wanted to be when I grew up, while everyone else wrote doctor or lawyer. I didn't fit in. You can't strive to become a 'dog'. I was bullied and excluded relentlessly, but it didn't stop me until teachers started calling my family about it. I began to feel shame for the first time, and suddenly found that my recess time was spent sitting in time out. Playing with ants wasn't okay. Digging in the playground wasn't okay. Eating without utensils wasn't okay. I think about her all of the time, and how sad she must have felt to be punished for unharmful behaviors and told to "fix" it. I didn't know how.

Middle school is when I started to experience dysphoria. It wasn't gender dysphoria like I thought for a long time. It was species dysphoria. The experience of developing breasts didn't feel correct. Animals, even mammals, don't have them like I do. Bras made me feel feral and I always tried not to wear them. It got me sent to the office more than once all because my chest wasn't as small as some other girls'. My clothes were no longer acceptable either, and I didn't want to wear what everyone else was. More exclusion if I didn't choose to follow the rest.

High school was the worst. I was fitting in finally, but my mental health struggled horrifically. I had no safe avenues anymore to deal with my stress. I couldn't voice that I didn't like something without aggression because I couldn't use animal behaviors anymore. My clothes scratched, my bra itched, my grades struggled. I was in the counselors office more than I would like to admit. My family was in disarray and I felt caught in the middle of it all, with no way to be anything but human. My girlfriend at the time knew I was a therian since I finally found the word to describe how I felt, but she relentlessly held it against me and shamed me anytime she wasn't happy which was often. At some point, I ended up in the ER with mental health concerns and in therapy accordingly. Nothing seemed to help me though.

College was fine. I kept my head down and just tried to get through my work. Socializing felt damn near impossible, but I was managing. I don't know what I would have done if the pandemic didn't happen, moving me online for 2 years. I finally had a last ticket out of my parents' house, and I had found a boyfriend who loved every bit of my crittery behaviors. It was a good time for me to finally try and rediscover myself, but that fell apart when I graduated.

My home state drove me out by cost alone. I moved the same month I walked the stage with my degree, and I had a job already lined up. I was excited for the money, freedom, and new experiences. Soon though, that turned into a complete loss of my nonhumanity. I am now working 8 hours a day where I have to behave perfectly around everyone. I drive 1 hour to work and 1 hour home. I have to cook and clean and run errands. I need to shower and lay out my clothing for the next day, then try to get 8 hours of sleep. Where do I find the time to be an animal anymore? On the hiking trails, everyone is watching me. In my dreams, I'm a human worried about my finances and my social interactions. I feel lost a lot of the time as my animalistic behaviors are sometimes limited to a single hiss in traffic, wearing a tail while I cook or clean, or a very short nap in a hammock outside where my neighbors can still see me.

I'm trying to reconnect with myself, but there is little time and space. It is entirely possible to be an adult nonhuman, but I am finding that it can require dedicated time set aside in the day. If you're feeling disconnected from yourself, I think it's worth asking: when did the disconnect begin? Was it really a month ago? Or has it began decades ago when people told you you're not normal, that you won't fit in, and that you'll fail. How does a dog know what makes it a dog anymore if it has been trained to speak human, work like a human, spend time outside like a human, drive as a human, and so on.

Be gracious with yourself and give yourself dedicated time to be an animal. You are not broken or wrong or stupid. You need animal time as a therian to be healthy, happy, and focused. You need animal time to give yourself a break from a world not willing to adjust to your behaviors. You need animal time to feel like yourself, and to connect with your roots. You're nonhuman even if sometimes you wonder if you still are, if you struggle to stick with a label because you can't remember what you actually feel like, and if you can't find the time some days to be nonhuman.

You are still authentic. You are still real. You are deserving of joy and comfort. Be the little critter you are.

I'll probably make some self care idea posts more geared for adults and older teens sometime soon to directly address this issue. Even without a label, I still plan on being active online as much as I am active offline. ♡ When a label feels like it best suits what I'm experiencing or want to focus myself around, I'll announce it.

[unholy-reids]

Dilaudid

Summary: Spencer’s life spirals out of control when his dilaudid addiction collides with Gideon’s departure, but he has you to look after him. (Based on Season 3 Episode 3 and previous episodes depicting Gideon’s resignation as well as Reid’s drug addiction.)

Warning: So many… Mentions of drug use and unaliving, some fluff, snappy behavior, vulnerability, idk man, just don’t click if you’re a sensitive to those topics.

Also if you or someone you know has a drug problem or thoughts about not existing anymore, don't hesitate to call any of the hotlines, Help is available, don't forget you matter. ♥️

Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid

WC: 2.5k

dividers by @cafekitsune &lt;3

Spencer,

I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me.

You must be frightened, I apologize for that. I never meant to cause you any pain. But then I also never envisioned writing this letter. I've searched for a satisfactory explanation for what I'm doing, all I've come up with is: a profiler needs to have solid footing. I- I don't think I do anymore. The world confuses me. The cruelty, indifference, tragedy.

When my dear friend Sarah was murdered, it tore a hole in me, and I truly believed the way to handle the pain was to get back to our work as quickly as possible. Get on to helping somebody else. I thought I could handle Sarah's murder, work through it…

…I no longer trust myself in the field. And without that, I have nothing.

And that was the last domino. The death of that girl. Hotch being suspended over something that was my fault. I said at the beginning of this letter, that I knew it would be you to come up here. I'm so sorry the explanation couldn't be better, Spencer. 

And I am so sorry that it doesn't make more sense, but I've already told you, I just don't understand any of it anymore.

I'm sorry.

I guess I'm just looking for it again. For the belief I had back in college. The belief I had when I first met Sarah and it all seemed so right.

The belief in happy endings.

The letter was devastating, Spencer felt alone, the one man in his life that was like a father to him disappeared without a trace, just like Spencer’s dad, Gideon left a letter, even if it didn’t make sense at the time. Hotch was still suspended, and the entire team was now under scrutiny by Strauss and a board of higher ups, but the cases never stopped coming in, the team was on their way to another case, Spencer was by himself on one side of the jet, looking over the file JJ had given him earlier this morning, Prentiss, Morgan,  JJ, and you were all briefing each other on the current case you had to work on, the bastard was killing people based on their phobias. 

Atop the file Reid was rereading Gideon’s letter, trying to make sense of it, flashbacks of Gideon’s empty cabin and finding the letter addressed to him were vivid in his mind, the craving for dilaudid was coursing through his veins, he could feel himself itch. “Hey,” Your soft voice interrupted causing him to shift in his seat and put away the letter, “Are you okay?” You knew it was a dumb question to ask, but you were genuinely curious to pick at his brain and find out how he really felt, silent Reid was very uncommon, he was your friend and you cared, even though you saw him as much, much, more. Reid gave you a dim smile. “I’m fine,” taking your bottom lip in between your teeth, you reached over to touch his hand, his big brown puppy dog eyes looked at yours and you could see the pain and confusion behind them. 

“You don’t have to go through this alone, Reid.” You offered, his brows knit together, “I don’t need you to profile me y/n, it won’t end well, and you can’t possibly know what I’m  going through.” He snapped, it made your heart hurt slightly, but you backed off, your crush on the beautiful genius grew each day you got to know him, and seeing him this broken just didn’t sit well with you, or anyone on the team. “Don’t push him, let him come to you,” JJ said, when you sat back down, she was the only one who knew about your feelings for Reid, you wondered if the rest of the team knew, not that you cared. 

“I know, it’s just sad to see him that way, he’s closed himself off to all of us,” You glanced back at Spencer, who went back to reading the letter Gideon left him shamelessly leaving the file wide open in front of him. 

Upon arrival and working the case, there were little words shared between boy wonder and yourself unless it had to do with the case, being the only ones without assignment, Prentiss sent you both to speak to the family of the unsub, just to see what you could dig up working as a team, you drove while Spencer rode next to you, several times you looked over to him, his red rimmed eyes from lack of sleep and crying was carving a hole around your soul, you cleared your throat. “Spence,” You began. “I know I’m new to the team, and I have absolutely no words to make you feel better, if I could remove the pain however, I would, don’t be afraid to take some time—.” 

He looked at you, cutting you off, “Are you saying I can’t do my job?” 

“No! No, God no, you’re the smartest person I ever met, if there’s anyone who can do this job with his eyes closed is you, I just want you to know that you can trust me, with anything, and if you need time to heal, it’s okay…” 

He looked far ahead, not wanting to look at you. “I also had Gideon, look at how that turned out.” He snapped back. You tried your best to not let your emotions get the best of you. “I’m just saying you’re not alone Spence,” You looked over at him, he was already staring at you, and even if it was for a few seconds, it made your heart thump loudly in your ears, “The team’s here for you, I’m here for you.” He gave you the same dim smile as you approached your destination, stepping out of the vehicle you watched him fix his holster, it made you smile, only Reid could look completely helpless and handsome at the same time. 

After interviewing the unsub’s wife you picked up your cell phone to call the rest of the team. “His wife just informed us that her family owns property, if the unsub’s practice has been shut down maybe this is where he carries out the murders.” With this new information, Prentiss ordered the both of you to stay put, within three hours you received a phone call from the Prentiss letting you know the case had ended in tragedy, he’d taken the coward way out, instead of facing justice for what he’d done, you informed the family of what Dr. Stanley had done and with profuse condolences you headed back to the jet, that was waiting to fly to Quantico, you left Spencer alone for the time being, donning on your headphones and trying your best to enjoy the flight after such an outcome. 

From the corner of your eye you noticed Spencer looking at you, then looking away, but he said nothing, even when you were safely indoors at the BAU, Spencer was quiet, distant, no random statistics, no random book quotes, he was mute. When it was time to go home, Spencer was the only one who left without saying good night, you watched his tall figure walk away and disappear into the elevator, Morgan was quick to sit on your desk and look at you inquisitively. “So, pretty girl, when are you gonna tell him?” You knew exactly what he was talking about, your eyes darted to his face, he sported a boyish grin. “How did you—” 

“I ain’t a profiler for nothin’ so, when are you gonna tell him?” He asked again. 

“Spencer needs a break, I can’t just bombard him with my feelings, when what he needs is a friend.” You confided, Morgan shook his head. “You want to support him right?” He asked, you nodded. “Why are you still sitting behind that desk then?” You smiled at the man and stood up, grabbing your bag and a few files. “Good luck y/n,” You heard Morgan behind you, shaking your head you got into the elevator and straight to your car, driving towards Spencer’s apartment. You were hesitant at first, but you pushed yourself up the stairs and stood in front of his door, knocking lightly you realized the door was open, which was odd for Spencer, with immediate concern you drew your weapon and decided to investigate. “Spence?” No answer, venturing further into the apartment, you noticed his bag and his gun neatly on the sofa. “Spencer?” You called out again, silence. 

Approaching his room, you carefully pushed in the door, finding Spencer sitting on the floor with his back leaning onto the bed and a needle in his hand, upon noticing you, he looked up, a sad expression on his face, it was clear he’d already taken the drug, you put away your gun and knelt beside him, normally you were able to contain your emotions, compartmentalize them well, but seeing him like this just devastated you, you held him close, as you both cried in silence, with his own help you were able to put him to bed, when you were about to turn around and head to his living room, a weak hand held your arm. “Stay… Please?” He asked, without a doubt you got into bed with him allowing him to be the little spoon as you nursed his high, you didn’t want to reprimand him, but you knew this had to stop, or else this brilliant man was going to fade into addiction.

You held him, and no words were spoken between the two, you ran your fingers through his brown locks until the dilaudid made him fall asleep, taking advantage of this, you were able to get off his bed and take a look around his place, it was messy, dusty and it was clear he hadn’t been picking up after himself, sitting on his couch you allowed yourself to cry, and made yourself a promise then and there to take care of him and help him, backing up what you told him with actions instead of simply words. While Spencer slept, you checked his fridge and it was absolutely abysmal, now you were a woman on a mission, you headed to his local supermarket and got him fruits, veggies, snacks and other goodies, plus all you needed to make him a soup, once you got back upstairs you'd occasionally check on him only to find him still asleep, since Prentiss was left in charge of the team while Hotch was suspended, you called her and made sure that Spencer as well as yourself, had at least two weeks off at the BAU she approved even if you didn't explain why both of you needed the same time off. You set yourself a goal of helping Spencer detox, he would never accept treatment from a facility, that would mean he had to accept the fact that he had an addiction to begin with, Spencer might be a genius but he was prideful. 

As you moved around the kitchen the smells were intertwining with each other and you felt his presence, turning around you found Spencer, leaning in the kitchen doorway, watching you cook.  “I heard your phone call, I can’t take two weeks off,” He began, his eyes resting on you. “I’m not letting you poison yourself anymore Reid.” You held a ladle in your hands as he stared you up and down. “You can’t just come here and act like you want to fix me, y/n.”

You continued to stir the soup and adding the noodles to it, covering it and turning around to face him, as you spoke you slowly came closer to him. “I’m not trying to fix you Spencer, I’m trying to bring back the man who tells me the origin of Halloween, I’m trying to resurrect the Reid I met a year ago, the one that didn’t need drugs to help him cope, I want my friend back,” You were now looking up at him, staring into his eyes. “Gideon left, and I understand you’re upset but you need to remember that out of the rest of the team, the only person he left a reason, a letter, possibly an explanation, was you Spence, now please… Let me help you,” sweat pooled on Spencer’s forehead, taking his hand you took him to the bathroom. “Shower, clean up, by the time you’re finished the soup will be ready,” His brows knit together, finally understanding that you were really here for him. 

Midway into the bathroom, he turned on his heel, “Thank you, y/n.” He said softly as the door closed behind him, Expelling a sigh, you looked around the apartment again, pinpointing where to start cleaning, You began with his books, putting them all in alphabetical order as he would like it, dusting as you went on, this wouldn’t be easy, but with love, books, soup, and patience, you were well on your way to restoring the honorable Dr. Spencer Reid. 

A/N: If you guys would like a second part to this, please, please, please let me know. I don't bite! Suggestions, Replies, Reblogs, and likes are all welcome.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC interview

Thanks to @bloodmoonloveletter here, @mk-writes-stuff here, @illarian-rambling here, and @elsie-writes here!

Last did Wade here.

Doing Jazlyn now because I don't talk about her enough and I'd like to develop her character more!

Are you named after anyone?

“Nope. The one and only, girl. I'm just Jazlyn!”

When was the last time you cried?

“Oh, pfft! I don't cry. Maybe out of sheer boredom listening to Dr. Ass-ghar ramble on about her rules and how I'm not following them! Like, girl, I can't help that I have fire powers and lit something on fire! That would be like getting mad that Gabe got a little dirty. Oh, and her meetings are the wooorst. Yeah crying for my life in there.” [It was during Ewan's clarinet solo actually]

Do you have kids?

“Girl, what? I'm not even eighteen yet! Close... I'd love kids, honestly. A lot of them! I'd have so much fun with them!”

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

“Look, I know I come across as someone who uses sarcasm, but I'd rather just flat out say what I'm thinking. Why be like ‘wow that was so riveting’ when I could say, ‘this is the most boring crap I have ever seen in my entire life’? So much easier, no mental hoops. Besides, Ewan is the most oblivious to sarcasm I have ever seen.”

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

“Their confidence level. I can usually tell how someone feels about themselves based on how they stand. Posture is the key, but also what they're doing with their hands.”

What’s your eye colour?

“Brown. With some golden flecks when the light hits them right, according to Ewan.”

Scary movies or happy endings?

“Easy, scary movies. This question is stupid - they aren't opposites. However, nothing is more fun than a horror movie. Love getting the blood pumping. Yelling at the characters for being massive dummies is also the best. Horror is the most entertaining to watch with others. Ewan thank the Lord is also a horror enthusiast. We make a habit to have at least one or two horror movie nights a month.”

Any special talents?

“Oh, several. I am pretty athletic. Took cheerleading a while back and now I am on my high school basketball team. At first, I wasn't sure I would like basketball - my coach in middle school pulled me aside and recommended it due to my height, but I love it now. I am also getting pretty good at learning archery. Lighting the arrows on fire makes that more exciting. I am also pretty good at martial arts and my pyrokinesis. Working on breathing fire without burning my throat. Thank the Lord I have Wade to heal me so I can try again!”

Where were you born?

“I was born in flippin' Utah. I know--lily white state, you'd never guess. Ewan and I plan to move somewhere else once we can. Can you believe he was born in Alium? That ain't fair.”

Do you have any pets?

“Ewan and I plan to one day get a dog. We have been planning on moving in together for a while.”

What sort of sports do you play?

“Like I said, basketball. I would love to learn how to play this Alii fireball sport. It's very similar to basketball, but pyrokinetics pass around fire. That sounds like so much fun, man. Did you know they have to keep a healer at each game because not all pyrokinetics are immune to fire? And the audience can get hit too if they're not careful! This sounds like such a fun sport.”

How tall are you?

“I have finally passed six-foot-three. Alii heights are a blessing and a curse.”

What was your favourite subject in school?

“I hope you tell me PE counts as a subject cause I ain't saying anything else. School sucks, girl. I have gotten detention for the lamest reasons imaginable.”

What is your dream job?

“I would love to be in sales. Something about convincing people to do what I want is inticing. Planning on getting a marketing degree when I go to college next year.”

Tagging @leahnardo-da-veggie @eccaiia @mysticstarlightduck @monstrouswrites @mrbexwrites @gottestod-writes @willtheweaver @winterandwords @i-can-even-burn-salad @elizaellwrites @chauceryfairytales @somethingclevermahogony @faeriecinna + anyone else who wants to!

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

Blanks below the cut

Are you named after anyone? When was the last time you cried? Do you have kids? Do you use sarcasm a lot? What’s the first thing you notice about people? What’s your eye colour? Scary movies or happy endings? Any special talents? Where were you born? Do you have any pets? What sort of sports do you play? How tall are you? What was your favourite subject in school? What is your dream job?

^for an easy copy and paste

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

THE TIME MY DOG WAS UNDER ACADEMIC PRESSURE.

GUESS WHO CHUGGED DOWN AN ENTIRE CAN OF (POMEGRENATE WINTER EDITION) RED BULL IN UNDER HALF AN HOUR? THIS GUY! IT DIDN'T TASTE LIKE CHERRY PISS SO MY BRAIN DIDN'T REGISTER IT AND I JUST SORTA DOWNED IT.

I'M NOW RUNNING ON CAFFEINE AT A QUARTER TO 4 AM AND SPITE FOR THE EDUCATION SYSTEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUCKING INSANE EVEN MY DOGGY SISTER, ROXIE (A LOT OF Y'ALL KNOW HER, SHE'S CURRENTLY SULKING FOR FOOD) ISN'T SAFE FROM THE ACADEMIC PRESSURE.

SO, AS MOST OF Y'ALL KNOW, I DROPPED OUT OF DESIGN SCHOOL IN NOVEMBER BECAUSE OF BULLYING ETC. SO THEN THERE I WAS, BACK HOME, TAKING ROXIE DOWN FOR A WALK.

AND I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT. SO WHILE WE WERE GETTING TO THE GATE, THIS PINT-SIZED LIL KID COMES UP TO US. FULL SCHOOL GET UP, BUTTON DOWN, BACKPACK, TIE, BELT, THE WORKS. THE ONLY THING STANDING BETWEEN THIS MINIATURE VICTIM OF INDIAN EDUCATION AND A JOB IN IT AT INFOSYS IS TIME, LIKE THE GOOD OMENS BOOK SAID (KINDA).

IT'S AFTERNOON, SO CLEARLY HE'S BEEN DROPPED OFF AT THE GATE. BEAR IN MIND THIS GUY'S PROBABLY BARELY HIGHER THAN MY KNEE. AND YET I FEAR HIM. WHY? I DO NOT KNOW YET. BUT HE APPROACHES ROXIE AND GREETS HER.

THEN HE SAYS WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GO TO SCHOOL?

AH, FUCK, I THINK. HERE WE GO. THE APARTMENT NOSIES HAVE BEGUN TO WONDER WHY MY STUPID ASS IS BACK HOME. I SIGH AND SAY, WHO, ME? OUT OF INSTINCT.

AND THIS SHARE-PACK-LAYS-SIZED KID SAYS COOLLY, NO, ROXIE.

HAHA, I THINK, OKAY THAT'S FUNNY. SHE'S NOT, I SAY.

MINI-ENGINEER LOOKS AT ME, FILLED WITH POLITE CONFUSION. SHE DOESN'T GO TO SCHOOL?

I REALISE THIS KID MIGHT ACTUALLY BE SERIOUS. OKAY, CUTE. I REPLY, QUITE REASONABLY, THAT NO SHE DOESN'T.

HE NODS, UNDERSTANDING. SO SHE'S GOING TO START TODAY?

WHAT THE FUCK, I THINK BUT DON'T SAY.

AT THIS POINT, REALISING HE IS DEALING WITH SOMEONE OF INFERIOR INTELLECT TO HIM, THE MICROBE-AU OF STEVE JOBS EXPLAINS PATIENTLY TO ME:

THERE IS A DOG SCHOOL OPENED UP NEAR THE APARTMENT. HE IS GENUINELY CONCERNED FOR ROXIE'S EDUCATION. AND IF SHE HASN'T STARTED ALREADY, CLEARLY SHE MUST BE STARTING TODAY. OR SHE WILL BE BEHIND OTHER DOGS.

IT IS AT THIS POINT THAT I LAUGH AWKWARDLY, QUICKLY MUTTER TO ROXIE TO COME WITH ME IN FRENCH AND WE BOTH SKEDADDLE THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.

HELP THEY'RE TRYING TO GET THE DOGS INTO THE EDUCATION SYSTEM TOO IS NOTHING SACRED ROXIE MAY NOT FETCH BALLS BUT SHE CAN UNDERSTAND ENGLISH, TAMIL, TELUGU AND FRENCH, DOES MOST THINGS WITHOUT ANY TRAINING, CAN RECOGNISE MY MUM'S PHONE BUT NOT A STICK (IT'S FINE, SHE'S GEN ALPHA, IT HAPPENS) AND SHE WOULD ABSOLUTE ROT IN DOG SCHOOL.

BUT HOW WILL SHE MAKE IT IN THIS FAST PACED WORLD WITHOUT HER DOGGY DIPLOMA, HUH? HOW, MAGGOTS?

ONE REBLOG EQUALS ONE COLLEGE CREDIT FOR POOR ROXIE AND HER HOMESCHOOLING (THIS IS A JOKE DO NOT BLOW THIS POST UP I WILL REGRET IT SO MUCH DURING MY CAFFEINE CRASH DO NOT TOUCH THE REBLOG BUTTON)

[he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle]

Get to Know Me Tag

Tagged by the feisty @lurkingshan, thanks Shan!

Do you make your bed?

Kinda. After my divorce, I bought lovely new bedding and happily made my bed every morning for like a year. Then I got lazy. I sorta half-ass it, where I fluff my pillows and pull up sheets and straighten the blankets and bed spread, but it's not photo-worthy or anything.

What’s your favorite number?

3. I like triads and trinities. In fact, I named my first dog Trinity. And I had three children!

What is your job?

I’m an author. I have 4 non-fiction books published under my given name and 15 fiction books published under a pseudonym. Many of my books were best sellers. Despite this fact, it is not enough to pay the bills. So I supplement my income with speaking engagements, teaching classes, and running a handful of websites, one of which is a wholesale distribution platform for artisanal imported foods. Basically, I'm self-employed and keep myself busy doing anything that interests me.

If you could go back to school, would you?

No. While I love learning and don't mind taking the occasional class to be introduced to a cool skill (like making stained glass!), I absolutely refuse to do any more higher education than I already have. I was sorta super nerdy at school because of an eidetic memory, so I collected degrees in Biblical Studies, Philosophy, Greek, Linguistics, and Russian Literature before I finally realized I didn't want to be a perpetual student.

Can you parallel park?

Nope. I learned how to do it to get my Driver's License over 30 years ago and have literally never had to use the skill since.

A job you had that would surprise people?

Hmmm. My job-jobs were all pre-children so people are surprised when they find out I ever had any since my last one was decades ago. But I didn't just have a few, I had a LOT of jobs because I finished school early and had to pay for my entire university education myself because of poor parents, and I think that's the most surprising thing. I was a waitress (14-16), a shop clerk (16-18), an acquisitions librarian's assistant (18-19), a bank teller (20), a digital librarian for a major software development company (20-21), a language tutor (18-21), an adjunct professor (22-24), a houseparent in a boy's home (24), and a cog in the county tax assessor's office (24-26). I also volunteered as a translator for Doctor's Without Borders and as a suicide prevention counselor for LGBTQ youth. At 26, I had my first child and became self-employed.

Do you think aliens are real?

Possibly, but I struggle to believe humans have ever interacted with any.

Can you drive a manual car?

Yes!

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Cop shows. I agree ACAB, but I love love LOVE the testosterone-fueled fantasy world of shows like Hawaii Five 0.

Tattoos?

None. I didn't want any at first because all the tattoos I'd seen on old people didn't age well thanks to saggy skin, wrinkles, etc. Now I kinda wish I'd had at least one.

Favorite color?

Dark azure.

Favorite type of music?

I LOVE IT ALL. If you live long enough, you discover awesome music in every genre. Like, I thought I hated heavy metal, but then I discovered the album Pale Communion by Opeth a decade ago and loved literally every single song!

Do you like puzzles?

Yes, but I don't make the time to do them.

Any phobias?

Heights. Absolutely terrifying.

Favorite childhood sport?

Cross country! I ran on my varsity team in HS and continued it through college.

Do you talk to yourself?

No. I am so quiet. On the weeks I don't have custody of my kids, I have sometimes had weeks where I work exclusively from home and don't interact with another human person beyond text messages and emails. When I finally speak out loud for the first time in days, the sound of my voice is jarring and unfamiliar.

What movies do you adore?

About Time. The Royal Tenenbaums. Shawshank Redemption.

Coffee or tea?

Coffee! I used to be more of a snob about it, but I recently fell in love with Korean instant coffees and THEY ARE SO GOOD. HOLY SHIZNITS.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

A teacher in a foreign country.

I haven't been keeping track of who tagged who, so I'd like to tag @absolutebl @juneviews @twig-tea @sorry-bonebag @stefanyd @waitmyturtles @disaster-j @cooloddball @spicyvampire and @norahastuff If you'd like to play and I didn't tag you, please do!! Be sure to tag me so I can read your post.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (04)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 9.5k

warning: smut! (read at ur own risk)

a/n: have to repost this completely bc the tags would not work on the first post no matter what. if formatting is messed up its bc i lit just copy pasted

you have told yunho that there is no way you're going to waddle into yeosang's presence and beg for his help like a peasant, just because you got a sixty-eight percent on your first exam. that's almost a passing grade.

that you'll just study more and hopefully score better on the next one--or, like any other college students, look it up online for extra help. but he was immensely against it, saying you are not financially secure at the moment to be giving away twenty dollars a month for some subscription.

which, if you're to be honest, you'd rather be living on ramen noodles and water for an entire month to make up for the extra cash than to humiliate yourself like that in front of yeosang.

but yunho being the good boy he always is--genuinely and truly caring for you, he had asked him against your wishes, and to say you were surprised when yunho had told you he said yes, is an understatement.

"i feel pathetic," you voice upon seeing the cafe from a distance.

that's if anything can even be more pathetic than the score you got despite studying days and nights.

maybe if your professor isn't so busy with the other group of students fighting for their grades; his office hours all filled up, you wouldn't be in the current predicament.

"you're overreacting. he's happy to help," yunho assures.

happy to help? as in, sincerely doing this because he wants to? or because he sees it is the perfect opportunity to get under your skin again--like every other time where his words felt like bullets.

even the air of the cafe is already taunting as you both enter.

yeosang is quick to notice the new arrivals, his head shooting up from his book and eyes not landing on yunho but yours. amusement all over them as he occupies a seat far in the back.

"have fun," yunho whispers from beside you, and if he isn't as good-natured as you know him to be, you'd think he's setting you up judging by the tone.

"you're not going to walk me over there?" you snap to him, anxiety in your expression.

he returns a chuckle.

"he's just yeosang, y/n. not a disease or a rabid dog. you're a big girl, i'm sure you can do it."

you scoff and roll your eyes, keeping your gaze trained ahead.

"well, if you're going to drag me into this against my will, shouldn't--"

you turn to where he was originally but he's already gone; the cafe door clinking, only to catch him outside the glass window bidding you a goodbye with a smirk on his lips.

freaking yunho.

usually in cases like this, you embrace your naturally timid nature--whether that's turning your feet back around or acting aloof, but there's something very provoking about kang yeosang.

well, that and the fact that yunho made it blatantly known that you did not do very well, so it'll be even more embarrassing if you have tried putting on such a pretense act.

you accept your fate after all, taking a seat opposite of him that makes one of his eyebrows quirk up.

"are you really going to sit there?" he speaks up

"obviously," you answer dryly, barely able to get one of the straps of your backpack off before he snarks back.

"how am i going to help you pass the class when you're an ocean away from me."

there it is. the yeosang you know. not the one that yunho and mingi always talk so kindly about, swearing he's the offspring of saint mary.

in your head, the desired outcome would be cursing him out since you didn't even ask for any of this, so you don't have to take his shit.

but... there's a more rational part that's echoing its voice and telling you to just hold onto that patience a little longer for a friend who only wants the best for you.

you release a heavy sigh, not bothering to hide your annoyance--you can do that at least.

getting up to migrate, it takes everything in you to keep the composure when a smirk conjures up on him. must be so satisfying to see you so weak and powerless.

your phone is the first to go on the table before you sit down completely next to the window that displays the sight of many students passing by.

your eyes stay on your phone for a second too long before prying away to meet yeosang's obnoxious ones.

"you're going to have to pull up the exam so i can see what questions you missed."

you don't object or make a show, only compliantly pull out your laptop to navigate to the school's site and your classes, opening up the exam the class took online a week ago.

he squints his eyes, leaning in closer so he can get a better view.

you're frozen in the position, trying to not snap a neck or a turn head because he's so close and you don't know why the hell your heart's doing flip at the proximity.

it doesn't help when he stays like that for too long, fingers taking over your laptop to scroll down till the last question.

a nervous gulp travels down your throat, finally relaxing itself when yeosang pulls away, causing a light gush of wind to form, his scent brimming your nose but fades shortly after.

he doesn't smell of anything strong or artificial. you can only assume it's his natural scent, much fitting for a guy like yeosang. he doesn't seem like the kind to impress... unlike san.

a guy like san, he always dresses to impress, always carry a strong, artificial scent that smells expensive, and his hair is always nicely slicked back--probably with some kind of gel or something that he also invested a lot in--

"how do you not know what applications are?" yeosang's voice is the one to bring you back.

"huh?" you're completely out of loop.

"question four. you got it wrong."

"some of the answers were too similar to one another," you defend.

"if you were paying attention or even studied a little, the answer is quite obvious, actually."

you grimace and already, there's a trail of heavy breathing as you try to contain the brewing temper.

"i did study!" you hiss, keeping the volume only loud enough for him to hear.

it's not your fault your professor had worded the answers so stupidly alike to one another. you're pretty sure both microsoft word and something like setup.exe are examples of applications.

if all yeosang's going to do is berate you, you just might break your own code of conduct and offer an apology to yunho later.

he doesn't have much of a reaction, only shake his head and moves the topic along.

"did you bring your textbook?"

you just nod, afraid that if you actually speak, you will say something that will lead to regret later.

"okay. then we'll just go over some of the chapters again."

you still have to offer your perspective, though--not like you're ever going to be right.

"can't we just cover the newer chapters? it's not like i can even retake the exam." you cross your arms.

"yes, but, the final is comprehensive, so it's best if you get a better grasp of the materials now rather than later."

you badly want to roll your eyes, but it's not even worth trying to argue back. he's not getting paid, after all. but gods know why he even agreed in the first place.

before rummaging your backpack for the book, you steal a quick glance at your phone screen that has yet to light up with any new messages, unfortunately.

"code is a series of instructions, and each instruction is an operation--"

a feeling of relief washes over, after managing to finish your first ever interview somewhat normally; the lady offering you a farewell and saying you should be hearing back in a few weeks.

y/n: just got done with the interview :)

san: really?! how did it go?

y/n: okay i think. she said they'll call me back in a few weeks, so there's some hope lol

san: you'll get a call for sure!

y/n: i hope to

san: i'll pick you up 😋

y/n: oh you don't have to. i can take a cab

san: i'm already on my way 😎 we can... celebrate

you don't really know what he means by celebrate, but you're just overjoy to be seeing him again if you're to be really honest that you do in fact want him to pick you up.

ever since thursday, aside from a few flirty texts and reminders of the interview, he didn't really bring up ever doing anything together again. and you're too much of a coward to try initiating anything because then, it'll give away that he's all you've been thinking about.

the conversation in the car is surprisingly casual--all as if he wasn't on top of you with his fingers deep in your pussy a few days ago.

he asks more about the interview and you answer, attempting to reframe from staring at him too much, but it's nearly almost impossible.

he just looks so clean and sharp in his signature hairstyle, that brown zip shirt, and those beach pants as he accelerates in those sneakers.

in the pitched blackness of the evening, even he glows. he's bright and he's tempting, your eyes unable to look away faltering when he catches you in the middle of being starstruck.

he giggles, and it's that melodic sound that pulls you away from the light and back into the dimness of the night.

maybe if you weren't so blinded, you would have realized sooner than later that he brought you to his complex and not the dorms.

"and programs are comprised of millions--are you even listening?"

"what?" you meet yeosang's unamused gaze. "of course i am."

he sighs and flips the book at least two pages back.

"okay, then summarize what i told you just now." he relaxes against the table, one palm on the side of his face and attention burning a hole in your forehead.

"uh--" but a sound from your phone has you turning head to it so fast, it's a miracle your neck is still intact at this point.

but you're only met with disappointment when you see it is not from the one person you are expecting. just a stupid reminder from your phone plan about bills being due soon.

the frown on you doesn't go unnoticed by yeosang, him raising another brows in return when an idea comes along.

"hey!" you protest, at him suddenly snatching your phone and shoving it into the back pocket of his pants.

"i didn't think i'd have to improvised rules, but it seems like i'm gonna have to. rule number one: no phones allowed," he says sternly, and you can only look at him with horrified eyes.

"b-but--"

"--no exception. come on, y/n. this isn't high school. you can play the waiting game with lover boy when you get home."

your expression twists in anger. maybe later, you can just buy yunho a box of his favorite donut flavors and tape an apology note to it.

"this is stupid. i don't even want to be here." you sulk, just like a child throwing a tantrum.

"that makes two of us," he adds on, casually sitting up and going back to the book like nothing. "so if you just work with me, this will be over a lot faster."

but you're still not one-hundred percent convinced.

"why did you even agreed to come? you hate me," you state as if it's a fact.

he chuckles lightly, with you shooting him a daggering glare.

"hate's a pretty strong word."

you shrug.

"well, it's the truth, isn't it?"

there's a quick pause before he speaks again; something in his brain trying to piece together his thoughts.

"to hate is to feel such a passionate, intense dislike for someone. i don't feel that strongly about you... hate or like. so you don't have to worry."

god, he's infuriating. but you almost want to applause him for the attitude; for how he delivered such a line while lacking any kind of emotion.

you stay with him for fifteen to twenty minutes, following along and repeating after him unenthusiastically but at least you're not dozing off.

you get most of the answers right to the questions he'd test you because actually going through the chapters again, you realize how much you have went over the materials it's practically ingrained in your head.

how you managed to fail will remain a mystery.

but you're getting bored and he's going on a really long lecture about a topic you're currently not interested in, and so naturally...

the both of you barely makes it inside his apartment before he swoops you up in a surprise attack, both arms under your butt--and yours, nicely wrapped around his neck as he places you down on one of the kitchen counters.

parting your legs so they can rest at his side, he takes your lips in for a messy kiss; you responding as if your lips were made to take his, though you've only kissed him once--now twice.

his hands grip your thighs with strength, keeping them in the open position they're in while both of yours caress his soft cheeks, using them as a tool to deepen the kiss.

when a guy like san says to celebrate, you can only assume the one thing he's talking about.

he pulls away, breaking the intimate session; both you and him still trying to catch your breaths. he stares at you with hunger, but there's a shine in his eyes that makes him look so innocent at the same time.

"congratulations," he mumbles, settling on a tender smile after. "i knew you could do it."

"thanks, but... she only said she'll call me, i still don't know--"

"--shhh," he shushes you, index finger thumped against your lips. "you're going to get the job, okay?"

your heart flutters at his words, nodding in response.

"good girl," he coos, lifting your chin swiftly to continue where you guys left off. flesh moving on top of flesh and hands all over each other despite your lack of experience of where exactly you should be touching him.

you decide on his shoulders.

it only goes on for another minute until san decides to switch up; a guy like him also unsatisfied in a certain position for too long. he always need something new, sooner or later.

his hot breath trickles down your neck, sinking his teeth in when he finds a spot perfect to mark--show that he did this to you.

he also just loves hearing your moans. pretty and pure moans that makes his cock twitches. his hands find the top of your skirt.

"let's celebrate, princess," he whispers so seductively into one of your ears, you can feel a shiver run through your body.

and though you want him to make you feel so good just like he did last time, it'll be too selfish of you to only take but not give.

"san," you say, putting a cease to his action when you put your hands over his.

he backs off and has a concerned expression on, unsure of what's running through your mind, only watching as you hop off the counter to shrink under him, such a pristine and wholesome look on your face.

'y-you have helped me so much," you mumble but with a sincere tone, probably not fitting for the current scenario. "and... i want to help you in return."

"and how are you going to do that, beautiful?" he fuels the fire, a smirk threatening to break, feeling like he's got you right where he wanted.

your eyes shyly dash down to his pants before moving them back up, a deep blush on your cheeks when he doesn't bother to hide the smirk anymore.

"you want to make me feel good?" he sings, almost in a tone too mellow.

you only nod, refusing to meet his gaze because you're getting flustered, but he laughs a soft endearing chuckle, moving you back by the grip he has on the side of your face, proceeding on the sweet encouragements.

"go ahead, beautiful." he smiles, rubbing small circles on one side of your cheeks.

you gulp. "just to uh... let you know, i've never done this before. it's going to be pretty horrible."

he laughs and shakes his head.

"you're going to do fine, trust me."

now, usually, san likes taking control. he likes being the one in charge; the one who keeps the flow going--whether that's eating a girl out, making her cum with his fingers or fucking her, he likes knowing that they're so weak when under his grasp.

that he can do anything to them and it will be from his own account. he doesn't care much for if they want him to feel good in return. most of them doesn't consider that too much of a thought when they're already near the point of orgasm.

but you... you're so sweet and so obedient just for him, and now you're asking to suck his cock. just knowing he's going to be the first ever cock in your pretty little mouth is already something that makes that sick side of him so smug.

you drop down to your knees, face against the view of his crotch and it takes a moment to process everything; your head all of a sudden trying to recount all events that's happened so far that lead to the current position.

you think about mingi and yunho for a second; how they will feel knowing you kissed a guy you've known for only less than a month, and now about to give your first ever blowjob.

it's crazy.

you start by tugging the top of his pants down, nervous swallowing that can be heard in the quiet space; a sight too fulfulling for someone like san.

the red shade on you darkens once you get it down low enough where you can see his hard cock protruding through the fabric of his boxer. you swallow another gulp.

"slowly, baby. take your time."

a groan escapes him when you free it fully, air hitting his flesh and you never thought you would ever like such a sound, but just now, you realize how much you do.

his decent-sized hard cock staring back; a wave of thoughts hittting you right in the face. how, this is your first time seeing one for yourself, your eyes wide and hanging like the little prude you are.

but temptation trumps any kind of fear or anxiety, one of your hand already around his cock as you sink it inside your mouth, that slight salty taste lingering.

"oh, fuck!" he curses, throwing his head back, one of his hand suddenly latching onto your hair as he indulges in the sensation.

you don't know what the fuck you're doing, but he looks so sexy and it feels so nice to know--

"y/n!" yeosang snaps, taking you out completely from the recap of your first ever blowjob--which, from san's perspective, was probably one hell of a sloppy experience.

"what--yes, i'm here," you attempt, straightening your posture like that's going to make it all better.

"jesus," he exhale, a deep sigh leaving as he slams the textbook shut.

"i was listening, kind of."

he rolls his eyes, the audacity of you to lie in front of his face actually quite triggering.

"sure you were," he says unenthusiastically, tossing your phone onto the table and already grabbing at his bag. "anyways, when you get your head back from the clouds, maybe i might consider taking the time out of my day to help you again."

and he gets up, bag swung over his one of his shoulders and disappearing out the door.

you scoff.

"okay well, he was rude to me, too!" you counter, because it's true. he was.

"he probably was, but good chance it was because you were dozing off and not paying attention in the first place," yunho defend his roommate, who, by now, have told him exactly how it went.

or maybe he didn't. maybe he exaggerated and made you out to be like the biggest bitch on the planet, who knows. you're sure yunho wouldn't have believed it anyways, though he is advocating for his friend pretty hard as of currently.

"i never even asked for his help," you grumble, annoyance seeping into your tone, only to regret it leaving your mouth not even two seconds after.

because yunho was the one who asked him, and he only did it because he cares about you.

"no," you add on, "i didn't mean it like that. just... we don't have the best relationship."

a slight frown overtakes the shape of your lips as you await his response from the other line.

you don't like upsetting yunho, and it's rare to fight--that's to say if you guys ever even fought at all before.

small disagreements, yes. but it never takes too long before one or the other gives in because they feel bad.

mingi on the other hand, is a different story. you would have to really define 'fight' first before you start counting on both of your hands just how many times it's happened.

"don't worry, i understand," he murmurs, voice beginning to chip out. you don't blame him. it's getting late and he must be tired.

"i also hope you don't think i'm scolding you or something. but i think you'll really like him if you give him a chance. that's all i want to say. he went out to wash himself a while ago and might be coming back soon, so i'll talk to you tomorrow."

"goodnight yunho."

"night, y/n. may you have the sweetest dreams only."

you should be used to it by now. that phrase he always tells you right before bedtime; something so yunho and so sweet, but it does always make you giggle every time as well.

the other line goes silent, and you release the phone from your ear, yunho's words still echoing in your head.

you'll really like him if you give him a chance. it's not like you were cruel to him from the start. he was the one to give you the cold shoulder first, and hearing all these good things from your friends make you wonder what is it about you that he has such a dislike for.

you let your head fall back on the pillow, phone screen lighting up your face and a low whine departs, disappointed that it's another day with no signs from san.

you don't expect him to be texting you 24/7 nor do you expect any information about his whereabouts, but you just want something. even just a simple good morning text or a good night.

but the silence from him the past couple of days makes your chest feel just a little heavy, not wanting to think that he's purposely ignoring you, that you're not even worthy of crossing his mind even though you've stripped a part of yourself bare for him.

tucking your phone under the pillow, you close your eyes and allow that feeling to die out, consumed by the lack of sleep and mind that isn't exactly suitable for such an occasion.

you do catch the time on the alarm clock just before you really fall into a slumber, thinking yuna will be back soon and that maybe she can tell you another story of how her night went when you wake up in the morning. those usually make you feel a little better every time.

san texts two days later, telling you he's been busy studying for exams and all that. you never even questioning any possibility of it not being true, because you were also in the same exact situation.

it makes you feel rather silly now. thinking that someone so kind who helped you at a party and now in finding you a job, was not texting because he has some other intentions.

just your natural anxious self feeding doubts into your head.

but you have promised yunho, after a series of conversation, that you will apologize to yeosang.

you're usually one to hold grudges, more so if you feel so strongly about a certain person. but you're also easily persuaded (if that isn't obvious by now), especially when it comes to yunho, all it took was another day for that guilt to fully come into bloom.

after all, yeosang didn't have to come. he didn't have to help you nor take the time out of his day, but he did. and so, you do feel just a little bad about how it went; you being more at fault than his occasional snarky comments.

"hey!" you greet him, like actually greet him; a smile on your face and all, taking the usual seat beside him.

the class isn't that big in population so everyone always sits at the same spot, and though you do want to make amend with yeosang, you're not going to act like you're sitting next to him by choice.

he doesn't say anything, only keeping his chin up and attention on the computer screen in front. he's sulky, that's new. but understandable.

"so... how was your morn--"

you don't even get to finish your sentence, interrupted by your professor's loud voice as he goes over the usual routine--you having no other option than to back out with a pout.

a small smirk graces yeosang's lips, going unnoticed by you.

the rest of the class is spent in agonizing boredom. you like computers, but you're more interested in the gaming aspects of it. the pretty graphics and the joys you get from the entertainment it provides.

not the more technical, complex stuff that you have too little care for. maybe in conclusion, you failing the first exam isn't so much of a mystery.

your attempt of an apology didn't go through the first time, but second time's a charm, which, you find that is not the case either.

"hey," you try again, another smile coating your lips in a way it has never before. "i was thinking." you only slightly turn to put your notebook back inside your backpack. "that we could--"

you're talking to the thin air at this point; yeosang already gone and you only catch a glimpse of his blonde strands until it's completely out of sight.

you sigh.

entry #3

i almost forgot i have this. probably because the past week had been so hectic and everything. i was studying for most of my classes, then prepping for the interview. at least i did okay on the interview and passed most of my exams?! except for one. it's a little embarrassing because it's a course tied to my major, but i swear, i did study. i don't want to go too much into what happened with yeosang, but you (i, myself) should already know what went down. of course, i haven't given up on this little mission of mine. quite funny considering it's yeosang, but i'd like to think i'm doing it for yunho. i have a better plan this time, i think. so i hope it works this upcoming wednesday

~

"the weather is nice today, isn't it?" you try initiating a conversation, having just arrived at your seat.

"not really. too chilly for my liking," he actually replies, much to your surprise but his eyes hasn't moved from the screen.

you scoot your chair in and clasp both your hands together, head turning his way.

"i think it's perfect. a lot better than last mont--"

once again, you're cut short by your professor who has a thing for making your life just all more difficult. but you're going to make it work today. you are.

and, yeosang's already speaking to you again, which is a good sign.

your 'plan' is pretty much packing everything a few minutes before class is over, sneaky gaze toward yeosang's direction and making sure you're a few steps ahead of him at all time.

even when he gets up to exit, you're strolling right behind him, only to block his path when you feel like the area's in the clear.

"hey," you utter, putting a pretty smile on so it'll make you feel a lot less pathetic and desperate that you're trying this hard for kang yeosang.

he raises an eyebrow, an intrigued look on his face but you don't know how to read into it.

"hey?"

"look, about the other day--"

"you're still on that?" he cuts, something amusing in his tone that makes your mouth puckers.

"well, you seemed like you were as well." your comment coming off playful rather than mocking.

he sneers and blinks away.

"please, i'm way too overgrown for that."

"says the one all sulky face on monday," you reply, exceptionally fast.

he locks gaze with you again, another amusement written all over his face.

"just wanted to make your life all much harder," he snide quietly, and you're also fast to give a reaction with a cheeky smile.

"you wouldn't even have to try at all."

a scoff departs him along with a chuckle. "so this is all you wanted to say?"

"that and yunho wanted me to ask you if we can, by any chance, give the whole tutor thing another go." you make sure to put extra emphasis on yunho's name so he'll know that although you're caving, it also isn't completely on your own terms.

"mhmm," he hums, acting aloof as if he's actually thinking about it. "we'll see."

you nod it off, lips drawing a thin line before your attention settles on his hair. or more particularly, something in his hair.

the pink cherry blossom petal laying on top his blonde locks, a little amazing how well the two go together. and maybe if his guts doesn't annoy you so much, you'd even say they perfectly complement each other.

a tiny giggle leaves when you go to rid the petal from his hair, chin titled because he's much taller.

his eyes follow the movements of your hand until it travels down to your own, catching your gaze in his and by the time you have picked the petal, hanging it by the side of his face, you think the blush that emerges from him is easily the same shade.

"you had something in your hair." you wave the petal in your hold before letting it slip away to the ground with the rest of them.

"thanks?" he swallows nervously, and you'll be damned if you're to ever admit that a flustered yeosang is a little endearing.

typically, you'd be in the library or cafe with yunho and mingi at this time, scribbling and doodling away while listening to tales of their godly college experience so far, but there has been a change of plan.

for some reason, they decided that this afternoon would be the perfect time to scramble inside mingi's and wooyoung's tiny dorm and watch a horror movie.

and when you say they, you mean mingi. you honestly don't even know why. he's the biggest scaredy cat ever and can't watch anything remotely scary for shit.

last time he wanted to watch some b-rated film and he couldn't sleep for days after. it wasn't even that scary. was literally just about an evil turkey killing on thanksgiving.

"did you say it's killer clowns from space this time?" yunho repeats, just to be sure he's not hearing things.

"yes," mingi confirms, navigating to a rather suspicious looking website with clumps of ads because he wants to watch it for free and none of you can afford to rent it at the moment.

you await quietly while yunho's scrolling through his phone.

"actually, i think it's free with ads on youtube," yunho enlightens.

"well shit." mingi clicks his tongue, typing into the address bar.

it's a little clustered, the three of you huddled on the floor in between mingi's and wooyoung's beds and with only a small table in front holding mingi's laptop.

if only college dorms came with wide flatscreens as well, life would be a lot easier.

"okay, it's playing, i think..." mingi says, "fuck, why is this shit so slow."

the video just keeps buffering and buffering; no signs of it playing any time soon.

"okay, either this campus has some dogshit wifi or i need a new laptop."

"well, you've had that laptop for years," you comment.

"then you go and get us your new laptop. you know, the one that can run roblox at 60 fps."

"pfft," you blow and yunho laughs in response. "right. the one that overheated and shut down when i was playing the sims."

"okay? at least you got past the loading screen before it crashed. and you should be grateful. i spent a whole summer being berated by my father just to get the extra cash for it."

"no, you got berated because you did a god awful job of dogsitting and the neighbors were cursing your parents' names for weeks after," yunho chips in.

"it's not my fault the animal got out."

"oh yes because it just magically opens the door and gate by itself."

"okay well, i gave it freedom. i doubt that dog saw a speck of sunlight in years. i hate that wretched old hag mrs. han. she's always giving me that look."

"well no shit, you let her dog out," you're the one to say it this time.

"but he came back--and oh would you look at that, the video's finally playing. now both of you please kindly shut the fuck up."

the video plays smoothly, much to all three of your surprises. which leads you to believe mingi's ancient laptop isn't the problem after all.

you wouldn't really say the movie is scary; more so disgusting because of the gore.

"that's fucking gross," yunho comments, expression pinching in from the revulsion.

"sick. whoever came up with the idea for this movie is sick in the head," mingi grumbles. he has both his hands over his face, one eye barely peeking out from in between the small space of his fingers.

"more sick than whoever recommeded we watch this?" yunho fires.

you're about to join in on the fun banter, when a buzz in the pocket of your jeans go off. seeing that the two are rather occupied, you pull it out, thinking it's just going to be a quick check.

your eyes literally about to pop out of its sockets and the beat of your heart seems to have multiplied; breath growing fainter when you see his name.

san: hey :)

you haven't even thought about him at all today, and maybe even barely a little yesterday. because after the monday he texted you, he went radio silent again.

and with the whole yeosang shenanigans, you really did seem to have forgotten. but now that he's announced his existence again, everything comes flooding back all at once.

his sweet words, the position you guys were in a couple days ago, and then the once again, abrupt and short period of silence.

you try to keep from showing any kind of reactions, afraid at least one or if not, both of them will catch on.

it's already bad enough that yunho has stern eyes on san and mingi was just making a comment a few days after the party about how weird san was acting.

you don't like disappointing your friends or going against their wishes, which is why you won't tell them. because if they don't know, then it doesn't apply, which in restropect, sounds a lot worse. because you have never felt like you had to keep something from them before.

"y/n would agree, right y/n?" yunho's voice snaps you back.

"uh--yes!" you attempt to sound like you weren't just dozing off, thrusting your phone back to where you got it from.

"two against one! an evil turkey is way more manageable than a bunch of alien clowns out for blood."

"well at least the clowns doesn't look like someone's burnt dick."

fortunately, the movie finishes within another hour when it's finally evening, and you're fast to pull an excuse like you need to get back to your room to finish up an assignment.

mingi and yunho not even aware at all that you've been telling them small lies just so you can dwell in the attention of a boy who likes to disappear for a few days, and has a knack for making you question things you have never before.

y/n: hey san, i'm sorry for replying so late. i was with mingi and yunho.

you sit at the edge of the bed, staring at the screen so intensely because there's that familiar feeling of butterflies swimming in your stomach, and a curiosity that has you wondering what he has to say.

what's the reason for the sudden text, and that maybe, he just might finally want to do something together. him seeking you out means he's finally thought of you at least.

time flies by steadily but there has yet to be a reply from him.

assuming that you probably took too long and he has found another source of entertainment, you settle your phone on the nightstand with a frown, the back of your head hitting the pillow as you stare up at the ceiling when there's a sudden knock at the door.

you're thinking to yourself that yuna's back awfully early tonight; maybe she's got her hands full and can't rummage for the key. it's happened before.

"welco--" the words get stuck in your throat and your eyes goes wide like an idiot when you see who has shown, and it is not your roommate.

"san?"

he's here, outside your room and looking as good as always; especially when there's dimples decorating his cheeks and he's smiling at you that makes a certain warmth ripple through your chest.

"hey! sorry i wasn't able to reply. was making my way over."

"oh, uh... that's okay."

his smile broadens, gaze sneaking past your shoulder.

"are you alone?" he asks.

you slowly nod, missing the faint smirk crawling onto his lips.

"may i come in?"

you nod again, stepping aside and widening the frame. when he passes by, there's a light alcoholic smell that trickles your nose. you wonder if he was drinking just before he came. but he looks and sounds sober enough.

he's admiring the interior and decorations with hands tucked inside his pockets when you come around to the corner of yuna's bed, a little embarrassed about how contrasting her side is compared to yours.

"i've yet to done anything with it," you mutter.

he turns around and give you a reassuring smile.

"i like it. just exactly my kind of style. simple and easy to the eye."

a low giggle pours from you.

"you could put it like that."

since that wasn't really what you were going for. it's more like 'i'm obviously broke but how can i make this look as decent as possible'.

the air goes quiet for a bit, a tension hanging between the both of you that neither wants to speak of, yet.

"is there something i can do for you?" you bring up. something that drives him all the way to the floor of your room--and to standing in front of you.

but that seems to be the green light; the sign for him to begin taking closer steps toward you, causing your breath to hitch inside your throat. before you know, your back's already in contact with the solid hard wall.

"actually, there is," he mumbles, one arm pinning the wall and hovering over your head. the proximity allowing you to drown in his scent confirms that he's at least a little tipsy. but maybe not completely drunk.

you swallow both nervously but also with some anticipation, because whenever you're with san, he always makes something inside of you so heated; a throbbing feeling in your core that he has a special charm for conjuring.

"you know, beautiful," he whispers, his free thumb swiping over your bottom lip. "i couldn't stop thinking about what we did the last time we were together."

you feel the temperature of your cheeks rising and a pink shade painting over them at such statement. but honestly, who are you kidding. you have been thinking about it, too.

it even got you in trouble with yunho because instead of studying, you were busy thinking about how you sucked san's cock.

"so tell me." he leans closer until his forehead collides with yours, hard eyes boring into your own with something dark and lustful. "have you been thinking about it, too?"

you nod so fast, even san's a little surprised at the immediate response. but ever since he kissed you the first time, and after everything else, it has given you an odd amount of confidence. or at least enough fascination to find out where this will take you.

"i have..."

"fuck," he curses. "i love it when you're straightforward like this."

and he kisses you. just like that. head slanted for better access and given that this is the third time now, you're starting to become a little better at this.

your arms naturally settle around his neck and when he departs with heavy breathing to place small pecks over your jawline, you groan in awe at the sensation.

the back of your spine sinks harder into the wall from how he has you pressed against it. only until he releases himself from the tip of your skin, do you feel a drop of pressure; your chest relaxing a bit.

but that's only for so long before a grunt leaves his mouth because he's lifted your entire body off the flooring and proceeding to throw you onto the mattress of your bed--the cushion submerging when your back meets it.

he climbs on top and you freeze, only able to stare back at him. you won't dare to look at your roommate's side, or her arts and belongings glaring back for doing this with a man in the shared space.

"miss seeing you like this," he says, pressing down to kiss again, and it must've go on for five minutes. your grip in his hair and his hands roaming all over your body, tongue clashing one another like it'll be the last time.

of course, you have no idea what you're fucking doing. just following along san's movements and letting him guide you.

both his palms pin the bed at your side, lips moving away to nibble at your neck, drawing a wet trail as he moves lower and lower till he's face first at your crotch; his hands already at the waistband and ready to strip it off.

he's impatient. so impatient.

"want to return the favor, beautiful," he coos, before he pulls it off with a jerk. thankfully it was loose and not too tightly clasp around you.

you whimper just slightly at the short lasting burn that's soon met with the naked air; you never having felt so exposed before in front of someone. especially not somone like san.

pretty... even your underwear is pretty, he thinks.

"may i?" he asks in a soft tone, your eyes barely holding his from the position, but you do want it. whatever he's about to do.

"yes, san," you answer, even more mellow than his.

he doesn't waste a single second, hands going to rid the undergarment right away by sliding it off; you slightly lifting your body to make the process easier.

he tosses both pieces somewhere you'll worry about finding later, but not right now. especially not with your legs spread and pussy bare in front of him--which makes you incredibly flustered and on the verge of covering your face because it's just a little embarrassing. it being your first time and all.

"shit, y/n," he growls lowly at the sight. "is everything about you always this fucking pretty?"

you're about to say something but a whimper draws out instead when he goes to spread your legs even wider for better access.

"gonna make you feel so fucking good."

you don't get a chance at replying this time either, because he's already shot himself in, head in between your legs and a sloppy wet sensation at your entrance that makes you fold back in building gratification; both your hands immediatly branching out and squeezing the sheet of the bed.

"hmm..." you moan, coming off more like a cry. "o-oh my god, san."

you arch before settling back down on the bed again, the grip on the sheet only getting tighter and you can only imagine the wrinkles that's going to be imprinted.

because san knows how to eat pussy, and he knows how to eat it good.

you don't exactly have anyone else for comparison, but the way his tongue's swirling in your core and there's an oncoming sensation rushing in, is enough as it is.

even he seems to know your own body more than you do. all the right spots to suck, and the exact one where he needs to lay down extra suction.

his arms has found its way around your legs, face buried and delivering such excrutiating pleasure that makes your eyes roll itself and head thrown back, looking up at the ceiling while he devours your part like it's his last meal.

another thought goes over, almost unable to believe it yourself that just first semester into your college experience and this is already happening.

your mind does always seem to flash back to your friends and their stances whenever you do something you think they won't approve of.

but as of lately, you've been doing a lot more of those. especially when it involves someone named choi san.

"nhmmm..." you let out, when his tongue flicks at your clit.

san doesn't stutter even for a second, causing you to go into overdrive from the immense pleasure.

"shit..." the comment leaves you, coming out raspy breath.

his fingers dig into your thighs; all the feelings at the moment overwhelming for someone of your experience, suddenly at the edge and like you're going to combust.

but then, he stops... much to your disappointment.

you peep up, holding yourself down by the elbows to look at him with a frown on your lips while his are a little red and there's messy strands of hair falling over his forehead.

he sits on his knees poking the mattress and looks back with eyes just slightly dark.

"may i fuck you, beautiful?"

a clog plugs up your throat, but you manage to overcome it somehow. the thought scaring you a little, but you do want it.

"y-yes. please fuck me."

and as if he isn't already hard as a rock, he thinks such words leaving you like that only makes it so much worse.

"when you say it like that..." he mumbles, going to unbutton his pants. even with it on, you can see his erection. "it's so fucking sexy."

sexy... that's definitely one you've never heard before.

before he gets it off fully, his hand scrambles for something inside one of the pockets and keeps it in his hold. only until your sight is better adjusted on the item do you realize it's a condom.

his boxer and pants comes off as a pair, sliding down to his knees and kicked off somewhere on the floor--proceeding to tear the packaging with his teeth and that, too, goes with the rest of his clothes.

you watch as he sets the plastic over his size, all you can think about is if you're going to be able to take it.

"tell me if it hurts, okay?" he soothes, and the way it softens you up is not very fitting for the current scene.

you nod, letting your head fall back against the pillow, awaiting that stretching burn as you tighten your lips together.

and a burn it definitely is--as soon as the head of his cock enters, you're already squirming.

"you okay?" he asks, hands gripping your hips.

"y-you can keep going."

the sting is still apparent and naturally, your hands find his, clutching onto it as he opens you up.

"so fucking tight," he curses, just wanting to fuck into you already. but he knows better than anyone that patience does pay off in the end.

you're heavy breathing and gasping for air just a tiny bit when his entire length is in, you're honestly surprised you can even take it--though not exactly well.

"hugging my cock so well," he speaks so melodically, hands rubbing over your hips and you feel your walls clenching itself on him, loosening another curse under his breath.

"gonna fuck you now. gonna fuck you so good."

he starts by gliding in and out slowly, allowing for you to still adjust to the stretch as well as his pace. because once he starts really fucking, there's no going back.

you have your eyes squeezed shut, indulging in the commotion in between your legs that is both agonizing and fulfilling. when you feel you're ready for the next step--whatever that is, you urges him.

and san is very urgent.

his hips snapping into yours and fingernails now digging into your skin, the room is a nasty mix of sex, moans, and muffled weeping.

"s-san," you manage to get out amidst the desperate pounding, "i-it feels s-so good..." your voice thinning out into a whisper because he's hitting that spot so perfectly, your eyes can't stop rolling back.

"i know, baby. i know." he soothes your waist, at the same time using it as leverage to fuck into you even more. "and you're taking my cock so well."

and if sex is always this good, or at least feels this good when done right, you think it just might consume you.

his hands travel from your waist to your cheeks, cupping it and presses his body down to deliver a kiss, but still able to hold a rhythm as he never stops thrusting even for a bit.

it's the chosen position for the next couple of minutes; lips tangled and body intertwined with heavy pantings and groans filling the room, until a pit forms in your stomach and from how good he's fucking you, you're definitely going to come.

"g-gonna cum," you breathe through the kiss.

"cum, baby," he whispers, moving to your ear, "cum on my cock."

his lewd words are the breaking point, and you do. it's the second time you've ever cummed, and of course it's by choi san, the only person who's ever made you orgasm.

after the peak of his visit is over with, you both sit up, goal fixated on finding your clothes and hoping that your roommate doesn't happen to have a change of plan that sends her back early tonight.

"wait, san," you say, legs hanging off the side of the bed and staring at him while he's picking the pieces off the flooring.

"did you even get to cum...?" there's a hint of something in your voice; guilt maybe. that you were so hyperfocused on feeling so good under him, the fact that he also should be enjoying it as well flying over your head.

he smiles, a little endeared that you would care this much.

"way before you, beautiful. no need to worry."

your chest settles back in relief, which in turn makes san chuckles dryly.

your jeans and underwear sitting at the corner of yuna's bed on the floor catches your attention and you hop off, making way toward it.

he turns to you amid the process, pants still draping loose around his ankles and utters, “you should probably get cleaned up.”

you nod and start on the undergarment, having absolutely no idea how things like this usually works; what goes before or after, but since he suggested it, you’re thinking if he wants to do it together.

it’ll probably be overly suspicious; that’s if the smell speaks of anything, but the men’s and women’s bathrooms are separates and shouldn’t be of any problem.

your mouth only just slightly departs about to say something but he has you beat, gawking at you with something unreadable in his eyes and expression.

"i think i'm gonna go," he says, just finished with the last button of his pants.

"oh, did you have somewhere you gotta be?"

there's a quick silence before he really answers.

"yeah..."

you don't want to make it like he owes it to you to stay just because he fucked you. or maybe perhaps he does--you don't really know. you just know you don't want him to slip out of your grasp, and you're willing to do anything to keep holding on.

even if it goes against your heart's wishes.

"i'll see you then."

two seems to be the magic number for san.

it takes another two days to hear anything from him again, and though your chest sits uncomfortably tight at where exactly this 'relationship' is heading, you're really just glad to be hearing from him again.

you take a cab to his apartment and it starts and ends all the same as last time--with you under him and moaning his name, then him attempting to mend over it with some sweet words that doesn't do very much in terms of aiding because he's telling you he has to be somewhere and already, you're taking a cab back to the dorm.

and the day after when he calls you back isn't bound to end any different.

he's sitting at the end of the bed, back and broad shoulders facing you patting down the wrinkles on his pants.

there is something strange about you so willingly accepting of the fact that there's a big chance he's going to kick you out any second now; but you don't want it to be all the same.

a part of you even wishes today might be the day he'll also want to do something else together.

if everything is already predetermined, you want to be the one to change it. oh, so naive you are.

"san..." you say softly, still situated near the head of his bed.

"yeah?" he slightly turns and spare you a glance, all intrigued eyes.

three times... that's how many times you've already slept with him, but you realize that you still know almost absolutely nothing about him aside from the obvious givens that he's hot, in the same year as you, and is wooyoung's friend.

even his favorite color or food, you don't know.

"can you tell me something about yourself?"

he raises an eyebrow and looks as if he might've heard it wrong; his posture shifting toward you more as it goes on.

"like?"

"well, like what's your major, or favorite color or food. or even your birthday."

"why do you want to know?"

you almost want to gasp or at least look a little offended, because you're sure you deserve to know at the very least these basic things about him considering the extent of the 'relationship'.

"because i want to know more about you."

he sighs and you want to break on the spot because you never thought such a simple question would ever make someone so annoyed like the reaction he's giving you right now.

"even if i answer, it won't matter."

your lips turn just a smidge wobbly, talking through your shaken voice, "of course it matters. it matters if it's you."

the air goes silent after your response and you're wondering if regret or guilt is a common feeling when asking someone about themself.

"july 10th."

your eyes shoot back to him.

"huh?"

"my birthday is july 10th."

"oh…" is all you can say. you didn't even think he'd answer, given his initial reaction.

"yeah..."

you continue sitting on the bed in the air that's now turned unpleasant, observing his movements as he goes to pick something off from the floor--and it's your clothes.

he stretches an arm your direction with the items in his clutch and mumbles, "you should go."

and you do... but with something heavy sitting on your chest--one that's completely different from last time--one that will rob you of any joy for the rest of the day because it's just the littlest kind of painful.

entry #4

i like san, i really do. and when you get that close to that level of intimacy, i think it's only natural you'd get curious about the other person. but it's like he doesn't want to open up, and i don't really know how to feel about that...

next // series m.list

[confused-beany]

Ok so, Hozier' song Take Me To Church. I love it. I love it so much. I have loved it since the first time I heard it like 5 or 6 years ago in a day of angst filled moodiness.

One reason I loved it so much (aside from the raw emotion of it all) is because of the lyrics "Take Me To Church/ I worship like a God in the shrine of your lies/ I tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife/ Offer me that deathless death Good God let me give you my life." They (seemingly) spelled out a grand tragic story to me.

The story of a GOD falling in love with a human and allowing the human to hurt them in ways that would kill anyone else. It was tragic and so so so symbolic to me because A GOD! WORSHIPPING! Doing the same thing that sustained them (in my head Gods worked in a very Noragami-esq way and they needed humans to worship them to feed/survive) as a grand gesture of love to a human who was kind of a Terrible person (maybe with good reasons but still kinda terrible) just using them. AND THEY KNEW IT or realized it and they would still allow it! Because they loved their human/s and they hoped that the human/s would give them a "deathless" death by stoppingtheir worship or something, cause obviously God's don't die die.

This was terribly romantic and equally heartbreaking to me. And the lyrics and symbolism of this song eventually helped me build the foundation of one of my most beloved OCs Aniya, who is also a god-ish and she's allowing a human she loves to use and hurt her and kinda waiting for the day it all ends. (And then finding kindness in other people and eventually growing into her own person and forging her own path away from the one she was kinda bound to out of loyalty her entire life. It would be pretty sweet if I ever get to writing it.)

.

Today I sent a lyric video of Take Me To Church to a friend to gush to her about "this song I was obsessed with in college and kinda still am and let me tell you about the meaning and story and symbolism". She was very chill about it and when I finally finally got to the chorus and began telling her this she got really confused and she was like "... the lyric says like DOG. What are you talking about?"

And my entire world just stopped.

Watched the lyric video myself. I used to listen to this song for hours ON LOOP and I NEVER caught that it was dog, not god. Now my whole worldview is messed up, everything's turned on it's axis and I don't know what to do with myself

[c1nn4-bunny]

Hi, I Do Commissions Now (Officially):

I've finally decided to actually start working toward getting commissions up and running.

I'm a silly little college student surviving off scholarships and a pell grant (I'm trying to find an on-campus job that fits into my already cramped class schedule), so all proceeds go to Helping Me Exist -- as well as saving up what I can to help with a home-life situation (that I don't feel comfortable publicly discussing, but just know that's my main motivator here.)

! Conditions Below Cut !

Guidelines:

Will Draw: - Humans/Anthros - Animals (Cats/Dogs/etc.) - MLP type ponies included - Also some Pokemon - Simple Robots - (Aesthetic) Gore - Minor blood, candy/pastel gore, etc. - Canon Characters - OCs (duh) - (Self)Ships - Not Pr-sh-p. I will steal your damn kneecaps. :] Won't Draw: - Mechs/Complex Robots (Sorry, I am simply too intimidated) - Excessive Gore - NSFW - Promotion of Bigotry

I obviously can't list out everything ever, so if you're unsure what may be acceptable please ask. I reserve the right to reject any commissions I'm uncomfortable with.

Mari helped me set up a Venmo so uh. Using that.

I try to check things as often as possible, so if you haven't gotten a response back on accepting your commission I promise I'll get to it -- I just have a bunch of other stuff on my plate at the moment. <3

Due to class scheduling, pieces should be completed within an average of 1 week (lower end being maybe 1/2, and higher end being 1 1/2), but I try to focus entirely on them so it should be as soon as possible. :3

[theteasetwrites]

Everything I know/have heard about the new Daryl spin-off and how I feel about it.

A list to organize my thoughts.

Melissa McBride aka Carol is not in it // I couldn't care less in fact I'm happy because Carol is one of my least favorite characters in the original show 😘✌🏻

It takes place in France // wtf does Daryl even know what France is

Apparently Daryl wakes up in Paris and has no idea how he got there?? // um ok so Daryl got kidnapped AGAIN basically. Cool that's great still don't understand how he can be knocked out the entire like boat ride to France or however tf he got there

No mentions of Dog // where the fuck is Dog 🔫

Something about a sexy night club??? // ok why would you open a night club in the middle of the apocalypse that just sounds irresponsible and stupid also literally the last thing I wanna see is middle aged Daryl hanging out in a weird French night club that sounds weird lmao he should be home sleeping. Unless Daryl is going to do a ridiculous striptease I don't wanna see it.

Some random French woman is going to "join him" // ok so I wanna give the benefit of the doubt but like... I know AMC and I know they're gonna try a romance thing. So that means basically we're getting another Leah situation, I predict, except this time she's French™️. French Leah. Cool awesome we definitely didn't have a wonderful potential love interest with Connie yep definitely not thanks AMC.

There's a pic of Norman on set wearing suspenders // Daryl would never be caught dead pls

Daryl is going to go through a "journey of self-discovery" or some bullshit like that // ohhh so basically they're gonna change Daryl's entire personality which the writers already have a tenuous grasp of! I didn't know Daryl was a 20 year old college student trying to "reinvent himself" during his summer abroad program in France 🙄 pls Daryl is a grown ass man and he already knows who he is why are they making him go through this shit now he has a whole ass family in AMERICA (never thought I would be this passionate about America wow)

IT TAKES PLACE IN THE 1960S?!?!?! // first of all, no fucking way. Second of all, you've gotta be fucking kidding me right. If they try to incorporate time travel into this shit show then I'm gonna delete everything I've ever written thanks. (Btw I am like 99.9% sure this isn't true because ???)

Anyway this whole thing sounds like an absolute train wreck and I have no idea how I am going to deal with it in terms of fanfiction but I will try.

[bulgeun-wihyeob]

as is customary for 4/20 , i am out of my mind zooted . that being said , here are my stoned thoughts on different fallout 4 characters as stoners . nonhumans are humanized because it's funny . think like- a college au ig . don't take this post too seriously please 😭🤚

Companions

ada: can take three blinkers off a cart and be fine , tbh she probably smoked a decent amount with her original crew

cait: ✨ seasoned stoner ✨ , doesn't smoke much anymore but she'll engage in the doing of some good zaza occasionally , makes fun of deacon for smoking to become poetic

codsworth: would vomit after even breathing in secondhand mary jane smoke from twenty feet away

curie: has smoked weed to test sciencey shit that she was curious about , has a decent tolerance

danse: has never smoked weed in his life . decided not to after being half-blinded by stepping into a hotboxed room

deacon: among the ✨ seasoned stoners ✨ , has a MAD TOLERANCE because he's depressed and uses pot to make himself more poetic , he smokes to forget but he always remembers

dogmeat: if you give your fucking dog weed you are awful please do not let the dog hit the bong

hancock: ✨🍃king seasoned stoner 🍃✨ , his bare minimum with pot would have any other humanbeing dead burned and buried , smokes with deacon and cait sometimes , provides others with that good zaza

maccready: smokes sometimes either to feel ... deep and edgy , or nothing at all . would shove all the weed in his mouth if the cops came knocking , chew it up , and swallow it . buys from only the fInest most credible dealers

nick: he smokes every once in a while for similar reasons to deacon (it makes him more poetic) , his weird fucking 50's detective coat flaps in the wind more dramatically when he's stoned (he's some weird cosplayer like hancock ... nobody knows what his deal is)

old longfellow: nah this man is on smth a lot stronger than pot 😭🤚 i remember nothing about him as a character but looking at him scares me

porter gage: he is constantly crossfaded . he needs to be to cope with the dumb fuckin edgy junkies he hangs out with . he's dumb and edgy and a junkie too though so ... hypocrite ass

preston: he coff coff 💨 ouchie lung hoit 💨 coff coff 🌬️ no more zaza for pressie (he literally just looked at a bong and greened out)

strong: don't let him anywhere near any drug the entire human race would be wiped out (don't ask how my brain is starting to fizz and dissolve)

NPC's

amari: she'll pass weed along for friends if they need her to but she isn't too into smoking it . carrington Might be able to convince her to join him for a joint but it's rare

arturo: he'll share his zaza with you 🥳 only really smokes on weekends or holidays to avoid issues during the week . it's just a nice relaxing thing he usually does on his own

desdemona: this poor woman is so fucking stressed someone pass her a bong and a bucket she can sobb into . she smokes with carrington . they're both so stressed they're barely sophomores in college and they have gray hairs

drummer boy: he gets so weepy when zooted like please look after him 😭 wrap him up in a blanket and don't let him think . talks big game about smoking but he'd pass out in a hotboxed room

carrington: his tolerance is godly . he's been so stressed his whole life that he smoked in HIGH SCHOOL how scandalous~ would end another person's life for a fat blunt

crocker: 💀 this fucking wackjob is trying to find a way to mix Adderall and weed . hancock thinks he might just be a genius and everyone else thinks he needs to be behind bars

fahrenheit: oh girl she hangs with hancock she's blazing it in a back alley on campus in the middle of class , has some silly bimbo girl friends she likes to smoke with

glory: smokes with deacon and drummer boy primarily . will make fun of drummer boy for being weepy but takes care of him (not cuz she cares abt him 🙄 he's just a little worm) if he gets too bad . also smokes with des but they're gay asf eww

ingram: smokes very rarely like on special occasions . she doesn't have time to drift off into zazaland on a regular basis

irma: classy lady who smokes the finest quality zaza because she can . gets really really flirty with amari while high . gets flirty in general while high tbh . somehow fully aware/grounded the whole time tho

jun long: he ALSO smokes to forget but he always remembers . idk even if he didn't have a son thag died i feel like this man is HAUNTED like he needs that bud to survive

kent connolly: oh no no no don't give him weed . no good for the good little man . no good at all he cannot have that . give him a comic book and have him wait in the hall

magnolia: she smokes weed rolled in fucking rose petals . she deserves it tbh . smokes with kleo , irma , and daisy . sometimes her , mac , and deacon will sneak out to smoke in the park

marcy long: thinks weed is for lazy bums with no ambition . she takes care of jun when he's zooted but lectures him later . she wouldn't be caught dead with weed anywhere on her

myrna: she's too uptight to have ever smoked weed ... she is sucha fucking square

percy: he needs weed to cope with myrna . she's like his bossy mean toxic girlfriend who thinks he's inferior to her or smth idk man where am i

sturges: 😇 he like zaza it make him head go bzzzzztTtt bZZzzzzzZt like an old flip phone vibrating . sometimes he comes up with really weird projects while stoned and then he tries make them

sun: if only he had TIME to get zooted fUCK . his dormmate is a headache and his classes are hell . he'd gladly join carrington and amari for a smoke sesh but he does not have that kinda spare time

teagan: doesn't usually smoke himself but he sells that shit in some covert operation at a burger king drive-thru

quinlan: he smokes to quiet his buzzing mind . he gets very opinionated when stoned . his cat cannot escape his zooted cuddles

zeke: eh he'll chainsmoke cigarettes but draws the line at weed . cuz it's just nOt cOoL ??? (sturges likes being friends with zeke but is too autistic to understand why the man does not like to feel like his head is being banged like a gong)

ok i know i missed a lot of characters but considering how many i put in here i hope i deserve a pass 😇😇😇 um but ueah i am starting to really drift into zazaland . which is great . i'm gonna sleep fuckin epic tonight

anyways please don't take any of this seriously i could hardly remember who half of these characters are

[palmtreefriend]

Listener Job Headcanons

Just as you think. Redacted Listeners and jobs I headcanon that they have

This does not include listeners whose jobs are somewhat specififed (- Babe)

Angel

When I say that Angel has retail worker vibes, I mean they are the type to lawfully mess with costumers/coworkers that are more annoying than bearable. I'm thinking coffee shop barista. Not a place like Starbucks. More of a locally owned business that has a certain theme attached to it. It's either that or a thrift shop clerk.

Babe

So, we know they work in an office building/setting. I don't know what people do in offices but I just think it would be nice if they worked with Smartass and Baby (Ollie's listener) in the same department

Darlin'

They do odd jobs around the neighborhood. Good enough relationship where people trust them with simple things like dog-walking or lawn mowing. Sometimes helping That One Dad in the neighborhood with a passion project. Their life is too chaotic for them to keep a 9-5 at some corporation

Lovely

Art commissioner/babysitter. Something that offers a bit more free time than a normal 9-5. I honestly feel like Lovely doesn't need to work that much to keep a roof over their head for whatever reason (*coughcough* richkid *cough*). Though Lovely might not have that babysitting job anymore

Freelancer

They worked at their family's shop before they got their powers and moved to Dahlia to go to D.A.M.N. They don't have a current job right now to focus more on their studies and getting control of their powers (and their life)

Sunshine

Daycare attendant. No, I am not going through a FNaF phase. You're absolutely insane. Whatever correlation you may have conducted is entirely false and- Yeah- Yeah, it's because of the FNaF game (I blame amazing AO3 writers). Plus! Plus they just seem like a calming person to be around and especially good with children

Starlight

Okay. Headcanon (that I literally just thought of when I opened this draft again) inside a headcanon: Starlight is Angel's older sibling that went off to college before them and overtime grew apart from their family especially when Starlight had to switch schools. Anyways after college they started working at book shop. A place where they can just satiate their hunger to learn/understand more things while also earning money

Honey

What- What if- What if retirement home worker? Hear me out! We haven't had Honey for long but the way they react to Guy referencing memes and vines and other things it just feels like they hang around old people all day that they just pick up little mannerisms from them. Like one time when Guy was being a little lazy with house chores, Honey looked at him and said, "When I was younger-" And went on a 15 minute rant. To be fair, they were going off of 4 hours of sleep and their morning tea was just not helping.

[d15gu571ng]

do you actually like family guy or is it just 4 the meme? im dying 2 know

Thanks for the question anon!

This is hard to put into words because while I do genuinely like the show, I like it for more than what it is on the surface. Its not that I relate to the characters on a deep emotional level but more or so of how it slowly grew on me and changed the way I thought of how I interact with media and the people who consume it.

When I first saw the show I was an 11 year old kid who "liked" almost anything, as long as it was 'entertaining' for me. Mind you I didn't actually understand what was going on, nor did I even react to alot of the scenes in any way I just... watched it to watch it. I mean, it beats the shitty infomercials and corny live action sitcoms that were on at the time.

When I formed an actual opinion on the show it was a deep, deep hatred. I saw the show as objectively lazy, cheap, mean-spirited and just downright obnoxious at times with its themes and writing. And I'll admit it, it's true.

Family guy is not an amazing show. A lot of it's characters, which used to be charming and fun to watch became flanderized distorted versions of themselves due to the passage of time. It's writing has moments where it can be downright cringe inducing, especially with some of the jokes. The themes of certain episodes are so ridiculously problematic that it made even ME feel uncomfortable on occasion. The animation is quite often cheap and stiff and don't even get me started on the modernized design of the show itself...

I can completely understand why somebody would say it was downright garbage.

But my dad LOVED that show

He would continuously talk about how funny he found Peter and his family, recount episodes by memory and even show me his favorite clips of the show and would laugh and laugh at the occasionally shitty punchlines. He loved this stupid bad show so much that for almost every birthday he'd ask me to draw Peter Griffin for him..

I hated that shit.

I would rant to him about how shitty the show was and that it was incredibly problematic that he liked it. And most of the time he'd simply reply, "Well I think it's funny!"

And I'd give a snarky retort on how it was stupid that he did.

Needless to say we didn't talk much about what we liked to one another.

And as more and more life stuff happened we became more distant and hostile until finally I was out of the house for college.

I didn't really reach out to him often and I rarely ever called.

And that was that at the time.

Until I watched dog bites bear.

Now to preface this, it was by complete accident. All my favorite video essayists has no more videos to watch, and I would rather tear my own eyes out than listen to another reddit "Am I the asshole for killing my entire family" type post. So without anything better to do, I let it play out. And to say I was shocked at how good stewie and brian's plotline was had me shocked. For a good while, I was obsessed with this episode, and I became even MORE shocked when I realized that there were MULTIPLE episodes with this amount genuine-ness to it.

As I began to binge through more and more episodes of this... fucking stupid show I hated at the time, I started to see aspects of it that I missed out on.

The original music and dance sequences ranged from alright to downright impressive! And it doesn't help that I'm a sucker for musicals and showtunes. Some of the fight scenes being actually, pretty well choregraphed. Yes, the camera angles are flat and uninspired at times, I do like how creative they can be. Some of the plotlines in many episodes have actually REALLY GOOD STORY BEATS AND SCENES TO IT. Like for example, when Peter and Lois reunite in Meet the Quagmires, or every moment of Peter and Brian's relationship in New Kidney in Town and Forget Me Not, Brain and Stewie's EVERYTHING (And the episode too). AND THESE WEREN'T EVEN THE FIRST 3 SEASONS.

I could honestly go on and on about the things I enjoyed in this show and it kinda made me realize alot about how I treated this show and the people who liked it. I genuinely thought I was better than them JUST BECAUSE THEY LIKED THIS "OBJECTIVELY BAD" PEICE OF MEDIA and I would constantly put people down just for liking the things that I considered to be bad. So, when I binged this show and CONSIOUSLY HAD A GOOD TIME WATCHING ALOT OF THE EPISODES? It made me realize that...

I was such a pretentious fucking dick as a kid lol

When I finished binging through around... what... a good 2-3 hours of family guy, my dad called me

And rather than ignoring it like I usually did I actually picked up... It was a little awkward at first, at least from my end... but I don't think my dad even noticed my stiffness. He was just happy to hear my voice after so long, asking how I was doing and how was school and all that... and I'd answer my usual "It was fine." But, what really started a conversation between us was me asking him what his personal favorite episode of Family Guy was, just out of pure curiosity. And the way I could hear his voice light up as he gushed about all his favorite moments...? Christ man...

As stupid as "Family Guy helped me rebuild my connection with my father" SOUNDS, it's really what happened. We ended up spending alot more time together, talking about things we liked and disliked and realized that... we were alot similar than either of us expected. And not only that it really helped me see both the good and the bad in media and that it was ok to enjoy things that everyone else enjoyed, even if the bad outweighs the good.

I understand that the great aspects of family don't represent the show as a whole... but there's a reason other than capitalistic corporatism of why this show just doesn't ever fucking end. Because there's people there that care about this show and these stupid shitty goofy ass characters, both the fans and the people who work on it.

Idk... this was an unnecessarily personal and sentimental stupid rant about something that I grew to love. Really I could've just answered with a simple "yes" and chad Peter png I stole off of google.

But I really do love this show because it helped me appreciate the one person in my life who stuck with me the best he could despite the tragedy after tragedy that happened to him, how shittily and harsh;y I treated him fur to my own fears and traumas, and how far he sunk down into dark... dark places...

Even after all that he's still giving it his all to the people he loves.

And I love him for that.

Sorry for how insane and incomprehensible this ENTIRE diatribe is. I just wanted to gush about how this show made me grow and change as a person and love my family

have a shitty Peter, thanks for the question ^^

[straighttxhell]

Get to know me! 💋

So,, @the-type-a tagged me in this like 8 months ago and never got a chance to do it cause tumblr kept deleting the draft but I am procrastinating doing my final project to graduate college so here goes nothing

Thanks for the tag and feel free to do it again cause lmao it's been a whike

🖌 - Do you have/want any tattoos?

No I wanna get a spider gwen tattoo but I dont have a ton of money rn

💚 - What’s your favourite colour?

Pastel pink 🩷

🍕 - What’s the last thing you ate?

Spinach Pasta

🕰 - What time is it where you are rn?

11:27 pm (when i started, its 11:50 now)

🌟 - What is your zodiac sign?

Sagittarius sun, Taurus moon, and Aquarius rising.

I also have Venus and Mars in Scorpio so that pretty much sums up why I'm insane.

🌍 - What is your favourite accent?

I really enjoy cockney accents, Daniel Kaluuya's in particular. Maybe it's just his voice.

⚡️ - Do you have any scars?

Yes, I accidentally stabbed my thigh, also accidentally cut it with a blade, and my legs are covered in permanent bruises from when I danced.

🌺 - What’s your MBTI type?

Every time I do it I get smth different, so either INTP or ISFP??

�� - Favourite animated movie?

SPIDER-VERSE!!!!!! MY ENTIRE LIFE

I CHOSE MY CAREER BC OF IT

📺 - Favourite show?

The Office probably, or Community, I really like sitcoms

😂 - Are you ticklish?

Isn't everyone??

💍 - Do you ever want to get married?

Yes, I am one of those ppl that want to meet like their one true love and get married and spend our entire lives together

😳 - Do you like your name?

It triggers me a little so I don't like to be called by it but I like the name by itself a lot

💙 - What colour is your bedroom?

Like a beige green, I hate it but it came like that and am too lazy to paint it

🤓 - How did you get your name?

My mom liked it thats it lol

🎓 - When did/do you graduate?

This month hopefully, my ceremony isn't until January tho

🍄 - Do you have/want any piercings?

Yeah I have the normal ones, two in my left ear and one in my right ear so I can freely forget to wear earrings Id add a pick but I dont want to

👀 - What colour are your eyes?

Veeeery dark brown

👱🏻‍♀️ - What is your go to hairstyle?

A messy bun, I like having it down although it's mostly hot here so that's not possible, and sometimes I do have to put it in a bun cause my hair is really really thin and straight so it tangles incredibly easy and it takes me a good 5 minutes to brush it and I tend to be in such a hurry every morning I simply can't afford to do that

🥂 - Have you ever drank underage?

Yes I didn't know tho lol I was 14 and drinking funny tasting grape juice at sleepovers, my friends thought I knew lol uhmm but yeah after that I stopped until I was 18 and back from quarantine

🍾 - Have you ever gotten drunk?

Don't take me as a role model please, but yes and I love getting drunk, I've never blacked out but I do remember every now and then funny memories like huh I forgot I did that 🥰 Also I've only once drank so much I puked it all up next morning

😱 - What’s your biggest fear?

Roaches?? Not trying to get too deep

🥵 - Would you rather be too hot or too cold?

Hot. I hate not being able to move bc of cold, my body aches so bad when its cold.

🌦 - What’s your favourite weather?

Cloudy, rainy and not cold, like eventually the sun comes out yknow

🍂 - What’s your favourite season?

Fall

🐷 - What’s your favourite animal?

Catssss

🐶 - Do you have any pets?

2 cats!! And my sister has 2 dogs but they're also kinda mine ig

😴 - What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

No idea, I am way too sleep deprived to notice at the end

🎨 - Any hobbies?

Drawing, painting, video editing and designing, anything creative

🛩 - If travelling was free, where’s the first place you’d go?

New York 😭😭😭 if i had a visa also Id love to stay at the plaza hotel

🎇 - What’s your most searched thing on Google?

Probably Taylor Swift?? or the Spice Chalk Stretch Naked Wokfe boots

📱 - Favourite app on your phone?

PINTEREST, a girl without pinterest is an angel without wings..

🤠 - Are you more of a city person or a country person?

City by far, I've spent all my life in the city and wouldn't stand not having everything I have here

Tagging: @spnyuri @queer-cosette and idk who is still active here but whoever wants to do it