#I LIKE PENNY A LITTLE LESS THAN THE OTHERS BUT I STILL THINK SHE'S SUPER COOL

[onetwothree-moved]

I LOVE NEMONA PENNY AND ARVEN'S FRIENDSHIP WITH THE PLAYER CHARACTER THEY'RE ALL SO CUTE AND FULL OF PERSONALITY ;W;

[tumblingxelian]

RWBY V8 & Penny's Fall:

I wanted to weigh in on this matter again with a perhaps alternative take to some of what I see as the more usual FNDM stance on her fall.

Namely, it doesn't bother me.

Sacrilege, I know, but the thing is while Penny is not in my top four, she is a character I both like & find genuinely interesting.

Heck, I have a video heavily focused on Penny & Ruby's characters & relationship being much deeper & more interesting than the UWU beans I find in most FNDM.

She's a great character but that's also why it doesn't bother me as I feel it works for the story & made sense for the character. 

But first, some house cleaning.  

House Cleaning - They made her human?

As others noted, this is something some take issue with for a few different reasons. As I understand it the main issues people tend to have with V8's handling of Penny outside her death was that they made her 'human' in place of keeping her synthetic body. As others also noted, I am unsure if she even was human and not just another kind of synthetic entity, but that's rather besides the point. 

House Cleaning - Thematic Representation?

The other thing people take issue with this is that they regard it as a form of ableism to make her human. I always feel its integral to note that while many in FNDM understandably took Penny's robotic nature as meaning in a Real World AU, she might be using prosthetic limbs.

There is no evidence as far as I am aware that the writers intended her to be considered analogous to a disabled person or to thematically represent disabled people. 

Thus, while its a fine and fun headcanon, I am not sure one can argue it was some sort of deliberate offence or act of ableism on the creators part if they never even conceived of Penny as such.

This wouldn't be like becoming aware of queer subtext, ship teasing then killing one of them off and putting the other in a straight relationship. As far as I can tell their thematic framing of Penny never shifted and was never explicitly used to draw such comparisons. 

House Cleaning - A Reward?

Penny being rewarded with a none robotic body & then dying. We'll discuss the death later but just on the reward angle, I think that is rather iffy.

Yes, Penny appreciated not being dead and enjoyed the increased tactile sensations. But we also see how much more fragile and floundering she is with her new form. When Penny fought Cinder last time with Cinder having backup, Penny kicked her ass. 

Here, Penny has the support and is barely keeping up. She's in pain, she can't fly easily, she can't use her weapons easily, she has lost tons of functions that were once innate to her very being.

Maybe one could argue its like post surgeries fragility or that she'd have grown into it, but as it stands, I don't think the new body was presented as strictly speaking a good thing or a reward. It was a desperate gamble to save her life, nothing more. 

Adding onto that, I think people mis-ascribe the source of Penny's angst regarding her mechanical nature. She's shown cheerfully embracing and enjoying many aspects of it all the time. When it becomes an issue for her is when others use it to de-'humanize' her.

Given how quickly Ironwood, the Ace-Ops, Mantle and even just casual conversation could do that on purpose or by accident. I think its less "I hate being a robot" and more, "I hate that people treat me this way because of what I am and its giving me anxiety & or insecurities". 

I also think anyone would be a little uncomfy with their body being something someone else can take over and puppet, that's an issue with loss of agency & physical invasiveness & we have Semblances which might not have been able to effect Penny that can do similar things, IE memory erasure & mind control. 

House Cleaning - Conclusion

For comparisons sake, if Ruby's essence got moved over to a sort of life sized marionette and she was cool with it because she's still alive & have super flexible joints for wicked cool attacks, but then she he died fighting, I don't think people would regard it as a reward turned sour.

In essence, I think a lot of the stigma comes with people associating tropes & themes to the writers decisions that were not actually in the story & just assuming them present; as opposed to than having textual support & despite CRWBY's efforts to deconstruct tropes & themes in general. 

The Main Event:

Moving on to Penny's death, people take issue with quite a few aspects of it but I weirdly feel it all ties together well and think it works on a thematic level. My reason being, that Penny is the other side of the coin whose other half Ironwood and between the pair are the likes of Winter, the Ace-Ops and so on. 

What I mean here is that the Atlas arc dealt heavily with the themes of 'de-humanization' of seeing people made unto like objects, mere cogs in a machine that were not expected to think, feel, or heal & have their entire worth judged against an idea or a system & always come up wanting. You don't matter, I don't matter, they don't matter, only what we can accomplish for the worlds, the cause, Atlas, ETC, matters. 

Ironwood regards Mantle as a few city blocks, their suffering is at best a theoretical moral burden to him and a political nuisance, nothing more. Winter thinks expressing any emotions or making decisions for herself is a failure and act of disloyalty and is not allowed time to heal after severe injuries but just poured into a mobility mechanism, then thrown back onto the battlefield. Meanwhile the Ace-Ops are not allowed to even conceive of real, deep or genuine emotions or ideas, they have all convinced themselves they don't matter except in how they serve Atlas.

The Happy Huntresses are actually the exception to this because they escaped the coin/system & are dedicated to people, ideals & each other. 

Meanwhile, Ironwood is the opposite of Penny, while both still embody the opposite extreme ends of the same spectrum of beliefs. 

Both of them talk of or otherwise frame themselves as the one with the duty to save the world, both put themselves under immense and isolating pressure tanks to their respective Atlas's complexes and both default heavily to sacrificing whenever the opportunity or even potential need seems to arise. Both will do whatever it takes for their goals and beliefs. 

The difference?

Ironwood sacrifices everyone else for his goals and beliefs, for his idea of what Atlas is, what it means & what its worth. 

Penny tries from volume 8 if not earlier, to sacrifice herself because of her goals & beliefs, & what they're worth to her. 

She does this so much and so often, that she had to keep being talked out of throwing her life away in the hope that Ironwood, or Salem would calm down and leave them be. She defined her self worth and existence by being out there doing things, hence becoming so saddened when needing to be kept away from the battlefield despite the fact she was both a target and potentially a huge game changer for any of the villains. 

Penny has Atlas's ideology of de-humanization and sacrifice every bit as much as Ironwood, but in her mind she's the expendable one, while Ironwood cannot conceive of himself as being expendable, because he has tethered himself to Atlas, which he has tethered to the world. 

Here is the thing though.

While Penny's take on this idea is more noble, more charming, more useful it is still part of an incredibly self destructive ideology, one that is of itself rooted in Ozpin's well known Guardian theory. With isolated lone champions serving as paragons of virtue & himself as the main character heroically bearing all the burdens. An ideology we saw sent Pyrrha spiraling, left Ozpin a broken & paranoid wreck & nearly destroyed Ruby.

Penny & Ironwood both fell because both keep trying to sacrifice others (Ironwood) or themselves (Penny) in a bid to accomplish their goals & or otherwise fulfill their designates roles; roles that both only have because of the culture and ideals suffusing Atlas, as reflected by how they are seen in so many other characters and the overarching themes of the Atlas Arc. 

Thus, it makes sense character wise and I think it both makes sense thematically for the reasons outlined above & dramatically as this is the darkest moment. But also because if Penny just won, or somehow survived without changing that ideological thinking it'd be implicitly arguing that this was a good way to think and act rather than one that is ultimately self harming. 

For comparisons sake, if a show has a good victim who only gets help because their trauma responses are convenient or 'cute' and who never grows out of or overcomes said traumas and the show argues it is meant to represent how best to view escape & recover from abuse. Then that series is inadvertently arguing its better a person stay locked in a traumatized state than actually try to change or grow & that is a story problem.

So, in this regard, Penny surviving would also necessitate her making the decision to prioritize the mission over her self sacrificing tendencies or to otherwise prioritize her own safety (Which she has every right to do given the circumstance). However it would not involve Penny flinging herself into another self sacrificial bout but winning this time, or just being saved again after its happened so many times already. 

I hope that, that made sense. 

I am essentially saying to keep Penny alive but keep everything else mostly the same, one then throws away the thematic & narrative meaning of the Atlas Arc; or if they want to keep Penny alive, they need to alter the Atlas Arcs themes or the cast & overall story to keep it coherent.  

People are obviously free to not be fans of it, I am sad when characters I like die, but I don't view it inherently as a bad writing decision and I hope I have outlined here, exactly why I think that this worked for the Atlas Arc, the series of RWBY and made sense for its characters. 

Thanks for reading! 

Speculation:

Now, I don't do much speculating, but given so much of the shows current drama was created as a result of someone wanting a dead loved one back, them returning but it ultimately not being enough to stave off tragedy and self destruction. I feel one can also ague this is meant to serve and tie Ruby & Salem closer together as nominal dramatic foils.

This is speculative of course, especially given the nature of death, balance and resurrections in this series is not even close to the hard line some think it is thematically speaking, but I do think that is worth keeping in mind. 

[stardewrotsession]

Note: Thank you for the love on my last post! I’m not sure if this one is as good since I’m not that good at writing bachelorette headcanons. I’m working on it though! I opened requests in case anyone wants to send anything.

When the Bachelorettes realize they have a crush on you:

Maru

- She’s the type of person who loves working on and sharing her projects with other people.

- So when you started showing interest in her inventions? She‘a not complaining, but she’d be lying if she said she expected the new town farmer to be interested in mechanics.

- Still, she was exhilarated to show off her smarts and skills to you.

- You were always super friendly and really nice, at least with her. And she appreciated that.

- It would get to the point where she would randomly spot you by the community center or up by the mountains and ask to get your opinion on something she’s working on.

- She starts to really care about your opinions and critics, mostly because you find a way to be gentle about it but still be able to tell the truth.

- She’d start making little trinkets and gadgets to try and help you out on the farm afterwards.

- It was a way to show you she cares!

- …Maybe in more ways than one.

Leah

- You occasionally see Leah painting or admiring the view on the beach, the forest, or the lake.

- She loves the outdoors, just being outside and being in the moment while the breeze hits her face is what makes life worth it for her.

- She was always a friendly person, but once you started showing interest in her art she began talking to you some more.

- I’d like to think one day, you’d introduce her to the secret forest past the wizard’s house.

- After she watched you take on the slimes, she’d look around the forest in awe.

- “This… this is breath taking…” She’d say. “Do you come here often?”

- Ever since then, you two would plan to go to the forest together every week or so.

- Sometimes she’d bring some paper and paint with her so she could try to capture the natural beauty.

- But whenever she’d try to, she wouldn’t be able to paint it without picturing you with her, admiring her work and talking to her about your life before moving, and how much better it has gotten.

- You were all she could think about.

- She wouldn’t be able to get you out of her head for a while after that.

Penny

- So, Penny was always pretty shy around you.

- A new farmer, going out of their way to talk to her and get to know her?

- She was very overwhelmed.

- Slowly but surely, she would start talking to you, and she would begin to feel more comfortable around you.

- When you ended up talking to her about Jas and Vincent’s favorite gifts, you started to catch her attention.

- “Vincent’s favorite thing is snails right? I’m not sure if Jodi would approve, but I got a bunch that he could pet or play with if he likes that.”

- “Hey, can I come by later today to give Jas some cake? I remember Marnie mentioning she really liked cake, and I wanted to try to bake one for her.”

- The way the farmer would talk so fondly and kindly about the kids made her realize she really wanted to get to know you better.

- And when you began talking about how important education is?

- And especially when you’d listen to her venting about Pam’s drinking without any judgment?

- Yeah, she’s definitely going to go out of her way to see you a little bit more now.

Abigail

- Abigail’s hobbies are a little different compared to the other bachelorettes’ personalities. She’s not like other girls.

- She loves anything that has to do with adventure, and if she’s being completely honest, she was disappointed when someone moved into that old abandoned farmhouse.

- Not like she held it against you though. It was just one less place to explore for her.

- However, she notices a lot of things. And the new farmer carrying around a nice looking sword caught her eye.

- Ever since she approached you about it, you two have been talking nonstop about your adventures in the mines.

- It wasn’t until she went down with you when she realized just how brave you were, putting your life on the line to protect her and to let her see and fight the monsters lurking down below.

- Brave, awesome, amazing.

- And you were into video games on top of that?

- She was done for.

Emily

- Magical gem girly.

- If she were to fall for the new farmer, she would need the new farmer to be just as into crystals, auras, etc.

- You two would be able to talk about tarot cards and magical crystal abilities day in and day out.

- It’d definitely be a nice refreshing change to cleaning up for Haley, walking around the town, and working at the saloon.

-I’d like to think one day she invited you over to her house to read your palms at night.

- and unexpectedly, she’d get a little distracted by how soft her strong your hands were from working on the farm.

- Something about holding your hand in hers felt right.

- “So what’s my life line Em?” You’d say, interrupting her day dream.

- “…Hm? Oh, yeah. Let me see…”

- Her face was definitely red for the rest of the night.

Haley

- Haley never liked you at first.

- I mean, it wasn’t like she hated you, exactly. You were just another person moving to this boring old town without any malls to go to or friends to hang out with.

- She only really started to talk to you after you open a jar for her.

- I’m sorry, I just think she’s a bit superficial at first.

- Who was she to ignore a strong guy/gal?

- But after finding her great grandma’s bracelet in the beach and cheering her up a bit, she starts to open her mind a bit more.

- She hasn’t had the worst life, in fact she’s had a pretty great one. So she wasn’t the type to vent or look back in the past and have a lot of regrets.

- …But it still felt really nice to have someone there to listen when she felt a little sad…

- She may need to rethink some things after talking to you.

[timegays]

I consider this a different au from my Johndoe! Mischa au but… I was thinking- “what if I swapped em all??” So this happened. here’s so elaboration on everyone-

Mischa-Jane: lost his head in the accident instead. I’ve drawn/talked about him a ton so it’s the same thing essentially. He glitches out a lot and is very confused. The screen to his phone is destroyed so it’s useless to him. The inside of the phone is gone anyways.

Constance-Noel: a little less of a follower but still nice. Not seen as much as she wants and dreams of moving to Hollywood to become something greater than what she is.

Noel- penny: a lot more shy. Doesn’t want to stand out to much because he’s scared of people judging him for who he is. Still has his Monique character and wants to move to France so he can restart. Nobody put much mind to him but he’s remembered.

Penny- Ricky: went unselectively nonverbal after a traumatic event. This caused people to underestimate her and not put much thought into her. She just wants people to hear what she has to say and see her.

Ricky- ocean: he always strives for perfection because he feels he has to make up for who he is. But not being able to be perfect has made him bitter. He gets upset when anyone challenges him. Just wants to be able to relax like other people and get into his interests but finds himself unable.

ocean- Mischa: never being good enough for everyone made her decide to not try at all. She’s super angry now and a more blunt. Hates when someone is better than her (she’s not a huge fan of Ricky because of this),

[destiny-smasher]

Here's an excerpt from Chapter 5 of my Nemona x Penny fanfic,

Super Effective on a Single Brick Brain

---

“Aww~” Nemona cooed her appreciation. Penny didn't always think to offer stuff like that, so Nemona was grateful to be pleasantly surprised in this case. She felt compelled to reach out, grab Penny's opposing arm, and squeeze her friend against her side affectionately. “Thanks, bestie, that's really sweet of you!”

Penny she sure looked bashful at the gesture, in a good way (probably?).

“Aheh, 'B-Bestie'... ?” Penny puffed a laugh that Nemona didn't understand how to read.

And suddenly, after this recent incident, Nemona was strangely self-aware and nervous about whether she was reading Penny correctly or not.

“Wh-... Like, yea, 'Bestie', you-... ” Nemona cleared her throat, one hand on her elbow, the other tugging at a stray lock of her ponytail. “We've really been hanging out a lot lately, and... -”

“I thought a certain Champion was your 'Bestie?'” Penny theorized, flashing Nemona a raised brow. But it came with a smile. And Nemona felt sure enough she understood Penny's body language to at least tell that Penny was happy to have been associated with the title. But then that playfulness waned a little, and Penny added, “Your 'Rival for Life' and everything... right?”

Something about Penny's expression, the way her hands were fidgeting together, and the tone of her voice... Was she jealous? But, that didn't make any sense – Penny didn't have a specific interest in Pokémon battling, she only did it for practical reasons, like self-defense and stuff. Why would she be jealous of Nemona's Rival? “I mean,” Penny added, when Nemona non-responsive, “I know how excited you get about seeing them. It's been that way since the beginning, eh? So... I'd think they're your Bestie...” 'Noooo, I don't like this! I don't like seeing her sad like this! She's underselling herself again.'

“I-... I can have multiple 'Besties,'” Nemona defended, but found herself spitting out the additional, “but, like, you have spent way more time with me these days...” She nudged her hip against Penny's side as she did so. And again like that Bide move - storing its energy before smacking you upside the head - Nemona was coming to the realization of this fact as she said the words aloud. Two years or so back, when they'd first become Amigas Oficiales, they only ever hung out when it was with Nemona's Rival. And then, slowly, they'd start hanging out here and there, just the two of them, always because Nemona would pine for someone familiar, who understood her and her, well, quirks. By the time Nemona graduated, she realized Penny had been one of the top people she wanted there to witness it, right alongside her Rival, her family, and even Arven. By the summer they'd just experienced, though, they were hanging out practically every day, especially on the weekends.

Nemona had spent way more time with Penny, in total, than she ever had with her Rival. Confronted with this realization was throwing her for a loop – she'd always been so certain that battling was the end-all-be-all, the pinnacle of what any kind of relationship could be for her. But Penny was making her question that seemingly ultimate truth, and it was kind of frightening...

“And you,” Penny retorted, stiffly bumping her hip into Nemona's thigh, “have been spending way less time battling Pokémon these days...”

“H-Have I? You think?” Nemona tapped at her cheek sheepishly as she wondered if that was really true. Was she slipping? Losing her edge? Abandoning battling, her number one love?

She had been dedicating a lot of time to training, exercise... Going out on hikes and some camping trips, always... with Penny... The past summer in particular really had seen a huge spike in the time they'd spent together, huh? And when she was hanging out with Penny, Nemona had less reasons to be battling Pokémon, since Penny wasn't specifically into that. She'd still spectate and all when Nemona would inevitably lock eyes with a passersby – because, of course you knew what happened when Nemona's gaze met a strangers out on the road... (Battles, jeje.)

--

You can read the full fic over here. (will be updating every week for the next while until it's finished!)

[owen-not-carvour]

handwriting headcanons LETS GO!!!

ocean has cheerleader handwriting despite not ever being a cheerleader Somehow. it’s like the popular girl curse ig (and ofc she’s not popular in the traditional sense,, just well known, not really well Liked) but like. there’s something off abt the way she writes.. it’s more like the Uncanny Valley of cheerleader writing. so she has Good handwriting, yes,, but it’s also just. really Weird to look at.

i just KNOW noel has the most extravagant fucking signature you’ve ever seen. dude does big swirly cursive letters and his writing Literally looks like a font. his normal handwriting is like. lowkey borderline calligraphy. when he was younger (and sometimes he’ll still do it when he’s bored) he’d just write his name over and over again in slightly different ways trying to figure out what looked the best. (however when he’s writing fast he gets rlly illegible rlly fast. he can still read it though so.. its fine) ((he also will doodle random french words he thinks sound nice just to look at them in his writing. just a thing he does :) ))

mischa’s writing is first off,, really big. like. all caps. goes Over the line on lined paper sometimes. big. but also!! his writing is rlly interesting bc he writes in a mix of ukrainian and english. so like every other sentence is english but the rest is Ukrainian (sometimes he’ll throw in some russian if he feels like it too) but yeah. biggest thing is his writing is rlly big and kinda messy,, but in a cool sort of way. like his writing is super fuckin cool yknow :)

ricky!!! i think ricky might actually like typing stuff more than physically writing it. but mostly just bc he can just choose some super sick fonts instead of trying to write like that. because of this habit he does Actually have that cool futuristic looking Square Font (you know the one??) bc it’s just his favorite to look at. but he types bc he likes the options. (also bc it’s easier to type for communication than to write bc paper,,, and also if the people he’s around don’t know sign or he Can’t sign for whatever reason) but oftentimes when ricky writes (on docs) it ends up looking like those tumblr posts where they quote something and use like All the fonts to emphasize it. i love those :) dude loves his font choices!!

for jane/penny i’m not really sure.. i don’t have a lot of characterization to really go off of for her,, but i think she’d write similar to noel,, just a lot less Fancy. it’s like noel font but Simplified yknow. she just seems like she’s have very pretty, classic and simple writing. i think some cursive checks off those boxes :) also it’s a little bit basic yknow. no real character put into it… bc she’s Jane Doe and has no idea who she actually is (ofc)

constance has SUPER SMALL WRITING!!! but she also writes so!!! much!!!! for stuff. small writing means more words and she just kinda rambles sometimes yknow :) style wise her writing is r actually pretty similar to mischa’s.. given that it’s kinda messy (just a Lot smaller) but it can still be classified as Good Handwriting.

[leffee]

each of the main 7 on clubbing/partying?

I was going to say that it depends on what kind of party, but now that I look at this slash I suppose you mean the "in the club - loud music, alcohol, lots of people" kinda partying. I will talk about that, as if they went to a club.

Minka - so I think she would like that, at least some of it. There's a lot of stimuli - it's loud, colorful, many tastes to try, people to interact with, cool! This is nice and this is what she would enjoy. Buuut what she would not enjoy are the weird people who are agressive (due to alcohol or just in general) and just all around the club-mindset of at least some people, so like hooking up and doing some questionable dances. Like yikes, maybe not, she will avoid that, thank you very much.

Zoe - oh heck yeah, that's her world fooor the most part as well. She can and will absolutely accept drinks from strangers and talk with them etc, that is if they're not being creeps towards her which did happen. So she will keep a close eye on hands and her drinks if she has any, but aside from that, she would enjoy it. A lot of occasions to talk about herself and basically just show off as well as gain some new fans.

Vinnie - eeeeh, it's not that he doesn't enjoy some of it, the loud music, dancing - all that is cool, not to mention that as I said, he really likes his alcohol and will happily indulge, but at the same time, the people, damn. He saw some weird shit including illegal stuff. At the same time though, there are also other people who don't act like that and that's cool. But if he goes he'd rather go with someone, not because he can't go alone or is intimidated, simply because he'd want to be there with someone he knows and also knows they aren't one of those weird people. But still, if anything, he'd rather be at a bar, not a club, or just at home drinking with someone.

Penny - wooould rather not go, but can if she's going with someone she knows, preferably more than one. Some things are okay but in short, all this crazy atmosphere is not for her. If she goes however she will most likely spend the entire time sitting on a couch in some corner with that person and maybe drinking something, but not too much if it's alcoholic, she doesn't feel safe in such environment being drunk, even if just a little. Someone might try to steal from her or take her somewhere and she would not be fully aware, so no thank you.

Sunil - nope, nope, nope, it's not a case of "would rather not" but an "absolutely not". If it's a party club-style (so not just like friend's birthday party at their house) then he's just straight up not going, too many weird people who are sometimes way too forward because of being way too drunk (or more). He would be afraid to be drunk around those people - because he'd be less aware of everything going on, but at the same time he wouldn't want to be sober either because he'd be too stressed like that.

Pepper - she can go, she thinks everything going on is hilarious most of the time. The people at such parties are usually, as I already said multiple times, drunk and/or acting absolutely wild and she has fun observing that, maybe even participating if an occasion arises. She will go and interact with others, take pictures, she can enjoy a drink, overall it's okay for her, but not something she's super into, plus, even she feels some of that pressure of having a "club-appropriate" outfit that she's not willing to wear.

Russell - no thank you, it's not a total nope like Sunil but still, he sees no good reason to go there, I mean, it's too loud even to talk in peace! If he ever were to go it would be only if everyone else went as well, not just two of his friends or whatever. If he did, he would, just like Penny, spend majority of the time sitting and sipping on someting, probably trying to zone out which is hard for him in such environment. But hey, at the very least he can have some amusement provided by his drunk friends. Still, would rather not.

In short: some of them are somewhat okay with it, others are just straight up not fond, but all have one opinion in common - they'd rather go to a party of the style "someone they know is throwing a birthday party at their home that mostly familiar faces will attend" than to a club/other party.

[skelltan]

my thoughts on wet moon 7

finished wet moon. i liked it. i wish the ending was different though. i feel like a huge bitch for complaining about it since sophie worked so long on it and i don't want to tell her how to do her own story better and i can definitely tell she felt it was the best way to end the story. i'm not taking that away from her whatsoever, i dont think it was a bad ending by any means, this is simply how i personally would've preferred the story to end (spoilers for wet moon 7, obviously).

the idea of a conclusion - wet moon is very floaty in the way the story is told. it's not super abstract, but it's not really told as a conventional story, either. it's just sorts of glimpses at character's lives. this is why i find the finality of morning cold unfitting. we do have a lot of things left open, but they're more plot points than character relations for the most part (what was with the cleo eats it stuff, the paranomal stuff, etc). it felt like it closed the door on each character's narrative way too concretely. i thought the scene with beth was cute, but if she never showed up after her departure prior, i think it would've been fine. i'm also not a fan of penny's biphobia being swept under the rug for it to turn out she herself is queer all along

as a continuation on that point - the "fairy tale" ending. i thought the ending was far too sweet. i'm not a hater of happy endings, but again, tied with the conclusivity and fluff in the forms of beth and penny's story i thought could have been omitted, it felt too twee for my tastes

to summarize my biggest complaint spawning from those two: i felt this book was a bit of a tonal mismatch to prior ones. it was a bit too cut and dry and didn't have as much mystique

i dont mind cleo and mara splitting, and there were definitely seeds to it happening, but it was a bit sudden - moreso was trilby and cleo getting together when the door on that felt closed since about book 2. mara and natalie also felt a little forced, but both relationships had merits, the latter much more than the former

i don't completely get why trilby is mad with martin - you can sort of gleam why but this is left open in a way that isnt satisfying such as the other closed plot points i'd have been fine with keeping open or the things that do stay unexplained

while i mention natalie - her design. i feel like her scar was really downplayed. which, if it healed, yeah, sure, but i liked it a lot more in prior volumes. i also just generally prefer her design in prior volumes, but that's a minor gripe

a lot of focus on nissa and nora. this isn't inherently a problem, but they were barely that present prior, so to have a majority of the finale focus on them was an odd choice - though it's a bit of a lose/lose. either they could have been retroactively used more (which would've had to have changed the story a lot), or just shafted entirely. this is another minor gripe, but it stood out to me.

but don't get me wrong, like i said i still enjoyed wet moon a lot - i wrote all of this because i care, and even then, i must stress it wasn't a bad ending at all, i just have my gripes.

sophie's art through all books is spectacular and her writing was engaging - even despite my gripes with this volume, i thought she nailed the character voices (especially zia) and understanding of the character relations - its less so that she ruins character relationships, but rather she has a lot more clarity on them that, while good, feels somewhat incongruent with prior volumes.

on the art - every volume had great art but holy shit she really stepped it up in this volume. im not good with descriptive words but its just like a total evolution and its wild. trilby's redesign is awesome. every character manages to look more distinct than they already were, which again feels like magic. i definitely wanna read more of her stuff

[claitea]

finished pokemon violet. i am in Shambles in best way possible

major spoilers below! also its super long i have a lot to say

if its not obvious gen 5 is my favorite gen, for all the reasons most people hype it as the best gen. and i agree it totally is the best gen!

i gotta say sv is my second favorite now. it was just. Hough. aside from the obvious ways this game actually sucks, all the glitches and lagging and all that. what the game does well, it does REALLY well.

getting some gripes out of the way first. as good as the story was, nemona really got the short end of the stick here?? this didnt make me like her any less, i love her just as much as penny and arven, but just. unlike penny and arven she doesnt have as much story. she finds a good rival in you the protag and thats kind of it??

i do like sv's art style its nice the game was very pretty but. i do prefer the swsh art style HWJBDHF. i played sword for a bit two days ago to battle a friend and i just missed it. wouldnt mind if this was the style going forward but also want the old one back yknow

taking away the shiny sound is Stupid. i encountered a shiny voltorb and almost went past it because i was jumping and was going so fast i barely saw it in the bottom of the screen. i also tried the mass outbreak strategy today on a mimikyu outbreak, thought i found a shiny because a mimikyu looked grey, but it was just sitting in some shadows.

WHERE ARE THE CLOTHING OPTIONS...... was the school uniform only rule just an excuse to make less clothing options. i'm in hell man. thank god i picked violet i didnt like the orange on the outfits in scarlet.

the whole choose your own path thing they pushed as a selling point is kinda moot if the levels dont scale. also put me in a STUPID situation: for the water gym, you travel across the desert to another town, and that desert has a titan in it. so i thought hey, if these paths converge, surely its because its the next intended stop, right? iron treads wiping almost my whole team in its first phase probably isnt a sign that i'm not supposed to be here, right?? arven sent out a level 44 scovillain while i could only contribute Intimidate from my lv 22 staravia. i ended up using a guide to show me the "correct" path near the end, which was good bc i asked the pokemon center lady for my next destination and she told me to go fight Grusha and his lv 45 or so pokemon while my team was still in the 30s. thanks nurse joy for trying to get my ass kicked

onto everything i Did like though

i really loved this cast of characters!! all of them felt very unique i got attached to a lot almost instantly. i didnt think i'd like clavell all that much but oh my god he's so brilliant actually. arven stole the show though houghguhguhgu i cried THREE times because of this dude. will also say i ADORE grusha, rika and iono, and extra shoutout to that one greavard in the ryme fight. he was GROOVIN

i think the open world was handled Very well. traversal is a little awkward at times, miraidon sometimes doesnt cling to cliffs i jump on and said jumping can be clunky, but other than that, i thought the environments were very pretty (especially liked the gen 1 icon mosaics in that one town thats so cute). as someone who gets overwhelmed by open world games it also wasnt as overwhelming as others have been? i think i saw some people saying it wasnt enough, and i can see why they'd think so but if the map was any bigger i think i personally would have enjoyed it less haha.

noticed some altered pokemon animations which is small but very nice! i remember seeing it on lucario, gardevoir and the eeveelutions where they stand in more of a battle ready pose rather than. Just Standing There.

the pokemon designs were pretty hit or miss for me this gen but maybe i just need some time to warm up to them. but i do ADORE the future forms. hydreigon and volcarona look SO sick, i love how iron valiant mixes both gallade and gardevoir, and i just think its funny that they also included. Delibird. inbetween all these other powerful pokemon. havent seen any of the scarlet versions though i'll look them up later

i dont know if its true but it feels like theres a lot more Unique things about pokemon in this gen, like forms, moves and abilities? like maushold's and tatsugiri's forms, lots of evos got given to older pokemon. when eri sent out an annihilape i was STUNNED. i also appreciate the fact that all forms of a pokemon get a different dex entry. i want to try collecting all colors of flabebe and its evos for example, i somehow feel more rewarded when i get a new dex entry every time, even if it is kinda the same thing but rephrased.

ok now just. the STORY. i'm still an absolute mess over the ending i just. AUGH. i havent played a pokemon game spoiler free for so long, i did accidentally find out cassiopeia was penny a bit too early but it was late enough that i was connecting the dots already. but the ACTUAL ending with turo holy shit???? turo's message glitching at the fourth lock was creepy as hell. finding him slumped in that chair, him telling you the real turo is DEAD and what you've been talking to this whole time, what ARVEN resented for all this time, was an ai that just couldn't physically leave area zero? then the whole FIGHT with him, the way that textbox glitched out when the paradise protection protocol took over, him actually starting to terastallize himself was so??? being forced to leave as well even though he'd just reunited with arven, since he was tied to the time machine and part of why it would reboot every time it was disabled, but also because he still had the original turo's desire to study the future but had been trapped in area zero for so long. checking turo's lab before heading to the time machine shows theres a picture of arven and maschiff on the desk.... :(

(wondering how scarlet handled it actually. is sada also an ai? just assuming its different because the ai thing fits turo's futuristic stuff. i'll look it up sometime, i really wanna see how these cutscenes differ between versions)

ARVEN my god i. many thoughts head full. thought he was just gonna be the asshole rival but ohhh i was wrong. he's the guy ever. mabosstiff's recovery scene made me CRY, and then i just cried AGAIN at his meeting with ai turo. how old even is arven, how long has he just been. Alone. with no one but the miraidon he percieved as the one who destroyed his childhood, and the mabosstiff that was once his only true companion but couldn't even open its eyes anymore. crying over arven's story isnt enough i need to explode

arven's story was my favorite but i have to mention starfall street of course. i love all of team star so much it was so good going through and unravelling why team star does what they do. also team star boss battles were actually kinda difficult?? i was pretty underleveled through most of the game bc i was rushing a bit but WOW. i only won against eri because she Happened to use shift gears again despite near maxed stats already instead of just going for the kill.

anyway tldr. yes i understand this game is kinda garbage in that it was super rushed and glitchy and clearly unfinished on release but its just? the most fun i've had with a pokemon game in a while?? easily a top favorite of mine

i stopped playing right after the credits rolled, so if there's postgame, i dont know about it. i'll get around to it tomorrow

one extra thing i almost forgot actually! when explaining the time machine turo tells you a human could travel one way but is unable to return to the present. this is SO goddamn cruel of game freak to put in the game RIGHT AFTER POKEMON LEGENDS ARCEUS. maybe its different for people sent over by Gods, maybe arceus can circumvent this or smth, but since its the only time travel related crumb we have right now this is super distressing!!! are you telling me pla protag and ingo were on a one way trip this whole time!!!!!! fuck you put them back!!!!!!!!! finding out this lore tidbit on the same day some new pla art that includes ingo came out is so, so, SO mean

[jacobgdavis-blog]

BACK TO SCHOOL

Josie’s 3rd grade teacher at Chisholm Elementary requested that each parent write an email to the teacher “in a million words or less” about their kid. I wrote about Josie Belle.

—————————

Mrs. Whaley,

Thanks for asking for some personal thoughts on the kiddos. I think that is a great idea and will be a good reference if you ever need it. I’m happy to write a bit about Josie.

Jacob Davis

—————————

August 22, 2024

Josephine Belle Davis (“Josie”) is a wonderful/easy child. She was the first child of my wife (Penny) and me after having been married 11 years. She has a younger sister named Juniper (“Junie”) who is 6yo and in Mrs. Brown’s 1st grade class here at Chisholm. I like to jokingly say (to adults) that they’re my “pride and joy, respectively.” Josie is brilliant with a curiosity and an appetite for knowledge that outpaces any kid I know while Junie is a social butterfly and always the “life of the party.” Of course, Josie brings us a ton of joy too. It’s just something descriptive I say about them occasionally.

Josie is not without her quirks. We’ve learned that she has a tendency to feel overstimulated by loud sounds and big crowds (example: at a loud concert). Her first time at Chisholm’s Friday Charge-Up resulted in her fainting! She handles Charge-Up better now, but she may carry some noise-cancelling headphones in her backpack that she used to wear in earlier grades and may have with her “just in case.” When she’s overstimulated, she gets quiet and may not even answer direct questions such as “what’s wrong, Josie?” Other times, she can be very good at identifying potential anxiety-inducing situations before they happen and communicating her feelings. But don’t be too surprised/alarmed if she goes quiet on you. She’s okay, but may need some quiet time away from whatever chaos is going on. We still push her, when appropriate, to brave-it-out thru these situations when they’re unavoidable (or just not that big a deal).

Academically:

Academically, she’s a whiz. She knew her multiplication tables in Kindergarten (with some help at home and thanks Netflix’s “Numberblocks” show), she can identify obscure countries on a globe and flags of countries like a savant (the Olympic Opening Ceremonies are her “national flag-identifying Super Bowl” 😂), she likes trivia, and she has an interest in some current events and history. Right now, before bed, we read a little bit about a historical American President. This week, for example, we read about JFK and Teddy Roosevelt. Don’t be surprised if she tells you something about the Cold War. 😂 She loves to read on her own too. She is halfway thru Harry Potter 4 right now. I can’t even keep up with her.

Temperamentally/socially:

Josie has a big heart and is sensitive. She keeps a tighter/closer circle of friends than her younger, social butterfly sister does. Josie is more like her introverted mom in this regard, and Junie is more like extroverted me. Surprisingly, Josie doesn’t show a ton of affection. She’s not a very touchy-feely person outwardly despite being a warm and sensitive soul inwardly. We’re working on helping her speak up because sometimes, she speaks so softly. But when she finds something she likes or is interested in, she gets very chatty. She communicates exceptionally well verbally and in writing. She’s not interested in boys/romance yet. Not sure if and when that will happen. 🤷🏻‍♂️ She’s confident in who she is despite a quiet exterior.

Interests/Extra-curricular:

Josie plays piano, does aerial gymnastics, and plays basketball. She used to play soccer. She’s in the beginning stages of being able to ride a horse by herself thanks to her Grammy. She absolutely loves animals, especially her 1.5yo weenie dog, Jasper. She doesn’t get grossed out by touching snakes and bugs (we live out in Jones). She teaches herself things. She’s extremely physically flexible and practices yoga in her room along with some kids’ yoga tutorial videos on the iPad. She is an artist and shocks us by what she can draw and create. She is in GATE and loves it. She also just joined the Girl Scouts. Her interests are endless. We have to sometime pick-and-choose what to formally get her involved in because otherwise, it would take all of our time and money. 😂 She is obsessed with Taylor Swift and knows all of her lyrics (including knowing which songs have bad words and not saying them 😉). She has watched TSwift’s 3-hour Eras Tour concert on Disney+ more times than I can count. She also likes Michael Jackson, Weird Al, and OKGO music videos. She knows music. Ask her the lead singer of Queen or Coldplay. 😉

Josie actually cried after the last day of school in 2nd grade because she loved school so much. She had a special connection with Mrs. Jungers (1st) and a strong one with Miss Foxx (Kindergarten). I suspect she’ll come to have a strong connection with you too.

Every parent thinks their kid hung the moon. We are no different, but we are not afraid to hear rough news if she’s struggling or is misbehaving. We know she’s not perfect. She’s a gem though. Thanks so much for being a teacher that is so interested in her students.

Sincerely,

Jacob and Penny Davis

P.S. Josie found out the truth about “Santa” but won’t spoil it for other kids. We haven’t had the “sex talk” yet, but I suspect that will happen this year. Pray for us. 😉🙏

[spookyrobbins]

I think they were setting up s13 with Callie who actually takes accountability for her mistakes and fights for Arizona's forgiveness. Because other than their last scene with the plane tickets, which wouldn't have happened if Sara stayed, Arizona was just so. done. with Callie after the custody battle.

i always refer to any potential s13 callie storylines as the callie torres apology tour. obviously arizonas the biggest one and the one that would probably take the longest time. but she probably could do with some apologizing to other people like bailey and meredith.

i do think s13 would be the first major time where arizona isn’t so quick to forgive callie. and callie would have to really show that she understands why arizonas so hurt after the custody battle and why arizona doesn’t feel like there’s anything left to fix.

i’ve done a few hcs of what a calzona s13 storyline could look like if callie still went to nyc, but i don’t think ever one where she stayed on seattle without the possibility of going to nyc so here goes (side note: i haven’t watched s13 in a while so some plot points may be out of order/missing):

at the end of s12, instead of arizona giving callie tickets, it’d just be callie going to visit penny to work things out bc they’re the great love story, right, right?? (they probably wouldn’t even show callie going to nyc or anything, just mentioned that she did bc that’s the calpen way)

callie would have this weird on/off long distance relationship with penny where her heart is completely not in it and it’s frankly irritating to everyone around her. but callie’s determined not to fail at this relationship even though it’s completely lost steam and they barely talk

arizona, who’s far less miserable, but in this super weird space with callie where they’ve stopped speaking, is still going to at bare minimum flirt with eliza, if not outright date her.

the early stages of the season with calzona are centered on the fact that they actually have a custody agreement that arizonas in charge of and arizona who’s never going to leverage that against callie but it bothers her quite a bit, and the general lingering fallout from the custody battle.

interns and residents will actively flee if they have to work with the both of them bc it’s so uncomfortable and they aren’t fighting, they’re just very cold and snippy with each other in a pseudo-professional way

arizona eventually caves and offers a sort of truce with callie where absolutely nothing is resolved

callie is feeling kinda isolated bc a lot of people were bothered by the custody battle and callie trying to leave for nyc and just the whole penny thing - namely bailey and meredith and in his own way, alex. bailey is the first to sort of forgive her and kind of cryptically makes a comment about callie sorting out her priorities. meredith needs a bit more time bc the stuff said about how arizona wasn’t sofias mom along with the penny of it all was just too much. they just don’t really talk.

and now the eliza situation: much like all of the other attendings, callie is not happy about eliza. perhaps doubly so bc eliza’s been foisted onto her department and she does not care if she’s highly regarded in sports medicine, she doesn’t want someone messing around with her department. they clash a lot professionally and callie just can’t stand her well before she knows there’s anything with eliza and arizona.

callie would finally get an ortho focused resident after eliza makes a whole thing about how lacking ortho has been in producing strong residents since callie took over (ie callie was the last good orthopedic resident)

not to forget about leah, there’d be a lot more calzona conversation with leah’s reappearance and a little convo between callie and maybe bailey about the whole leah and arizona situation and callie and arizona where arizona tries to apologize and it’s all very awkward and weird bc they’re awkward and weird now.

as eliza and arizona are starting up, callie would finally break up with penny after an entire episode with a sub plot of callie missing pennys phone calls. penny would break up with callie and callie would accuse her of cheating which she wasn’t. this would be the catalyst for meredith and callie speaking again.

the breakup with penny causes callie to do a lot of self reflection and for a change, she doesn’t try and jump into dating.

arizona is genuinely the last person to find out about the calpen breakup and finds out from jo or someone like that. she makes a point to try and check in on callie and encourage her to get back out there - bc calzona are truly the weirdest and worst exes

arizona is a bit more resistant to eliza than in canon purely bc callie’s still around and it’s confusing. but her frustration and hurt with callie after the custody battle mellows her affection for callie for a while, allowing her to be open to dating in a way she wasn’t before.

when callie finds out about arizona and eliza, she is the least chill of everyone unsurprisingly. but she insists it’s because it’s not professional (which admittedly hilarious) and because eliza is against the hospital and arizona doesn’t get it because she didn’t do her residency there and callie has a whole thing about loyalty etc which has great potential for a very loaded conversation with arizona about loyalty and arizona who would never deny that she was disloyal in their marriage but also callie has consistently come after her character when she’s been nothing but cordial after their divorce and she’s tired

callie all the while is refusing to ponder the possibility that she might want to try again with arizona, that she might have feelings for arizona and that’s why she’s so bothered by eliza. multiple people try to prod callie towards the truth of the matter but she’s very stubborn about it.

not to forget alex in all of this, callie’s the one who tells arizona that they don’t know where alex is and think he’s gone to jail and callie tries to comfort arizona and saying she knows how important alex is to her and arizona basically rejects anything from callie and really, calzona are sort of at an all time low of not being on the same page which really says something for them

all throughout its sort of building up that callie has re-developed feelings for arizona but has absolutely zero clue that she does and arizona never stopped having feelings but she doesn’t think they have a chance and she’s really lost a lot of trust in callie

and then in the finale, callie keeps looking for arizona. like singlemindedly looking for arizona. asking everyone if they’ve seen her and clalie keeps missing her. she’s always just left wherever the last person told callie. and callie’s freaked out. like convinced arizona is dead freaked out. and someone like idk alex saying “why do you even care” and callie snapping back “because she’s my wife and i love her” which is quite the take

and then as sort of the final calzona scene of the season, callie showing up at arizonas door in the morning and seeing arizona opening it and callie saying “hi i think we need to talk” and then cutting away

[the-firebird69]

That was Alicia on the phone and our son had to ask him at the post office I mean her that is before times I'm requesting that you do not send my complaint about the carrier to the carrier. And it's illegal for her to do that is against postal code of the United States of America and she can go to jail for it it's the same cop that arrested John remillard and sent him to prison same person she's an officer and a federal government at the post office among other things but intend to do so it does not compile anything that would get her arrested it's only if she sends a complaint to him but she might do cuz she's a lazy fat f*** and sort of can't remember if she says but it's against the law. Still going to watch her and John Reema Lord is going to watch her and his fat b**** who got him arrested and made all this trouble here he's going to start getting in trouble cuz he can't stand it f****** a****** what a f****** huge cunt. She is a heinous person to our son heinous and she deserves nothing less than incarceration.

A lot of people suspect that she and other women had us by the businesses out or take the businesses over in order to be locked in combat with Max but for real it is a conspiracy but it's made and created by Tommy f but this girl is a constant irritant to our son as is most of you as are most of you and irritant that is massively annoying you're a humongously incompetent things that are very simple think like a year for you to digest understanding simple concepts is impossible I mean you people are so obtuse and stupid do we have to tell you do not make that f****** ass face to me on the f****** news on purpose you dumb f****** cow don't make it to other people either or your brain is going to come out of your head in many pieces you dumb f****** retard and don't talk to me with my language about this dumb f****** s*** and you don't reiterate you dumb f****** loser now I'm putting hits on those three stupid f****** assholes and it's a lot of money it's a lot they're going to be dead. As in brain dead as in not here at all for doing stupid s*** all day long. you force our son to have these businesses you forced him to have tons of stuff and absolutely no personal money so he's using huge amounts of money to kill tons of you giant giant dollars are spent on our people to get rid of it a whole bunch of you but holy s*** are you stupid I've got more money than you've ever dreamed of ever having to get ready db fuck who won't shut the f****** like this lady is going to hit on her now and Jason for his dumb f****** attitude is dumb f****** s*** I've got enough money to kill the whole f****** town a million times over easy without blinking people come in and kill your fat ass for a lot less than a million dollars you dumb f****** working too bad c***and look at this a****** I finally figured it out and you will the hard way I'm not having all of you hit I have the f****** money a****** none of you care I can't manipulate for my own use at all he'll be running around chasing a crumb you dumb f****** c*** you ugly f****** b**** nobody says that to me is the f****** law or you're gone you stupid f****** a******. I don't care who you are Tommy f what you f****** done why the f*** are your harassing me you you don't harass me or you're dead now I'm going to pay people to kill your f****** stupid ass cuz you gave me the f****** money and I can't have a penny I can't ignore you I can't go somewhere else I'm just sit here and listen here a little baby s*** childish in my head all the time and I'm super intelligent so you're going to die because it drives people to murder and I'm paying tons of people to kill you stupid f*** so you get on the line and you start asking about why and what it is what are you dumb I'm going to teach you the hard way you're going to find out what it is you stupid fat f****** retard

We're saying it too you'll be so God damn slow it's not even funny we own all these companies are huge we tell you if you have oil or not if you have gasoline or not we tell if you can move or not or if you can live in a place or not and you're so freaking stupid you start mouthing off now I'm going to exercise the power and we get rid of your dumb assholes to get rid of you here and yeah huge hits on you here huge hits because of your idiotic activities towards our son you stupid f****** moronic retired piece of s*** you have something to say stupid we're going to get you now everybody kills people for money dummy the money we have no one can ignore and we hire our own assassins you dumb f****** crap

Thor Freya

[stickystarspectrumtroll-ocs]

I really do get so emotional about Penny sometimes. When I really think about her.

She was an ordinary kid. She liked to sing and dance and do arts and crafts. She had a mom, a dad, maybe a little brother, maybe a dog, all of whom she was close to and liked to laugh and play around with. She had a handful of friends she had playdates and sleepovers with, and they’d have dance parties and sing karaoke and make friendship bracelets and chase each other around the playground and the backyard. She loved running around outside, chasing after friends and dogs and frisbees and the like. Loved feeling the sun on her face, loved feeling her heart race and pound and remind her thoroughly and tangibly that she was alive. She was a kid. She was a happy kid. One of the happiest kids around. 

She had birthday parties every year, as one does. Her twelfth birthday was a good one as they come, her family and all her friends in the house in party hats with balloons everywhere and music playing, making noise and playing games and eating pizza and cake. It got late, and people went home, and she was still buzzing inside from all the fun of it, and she went outside, maybe to take out the trash or something, maybe just to look at the stars, I’m not sure. And something happened. In all this time I still haven’t worked out the details of exactly what. It wasn’t pleasant though. Not one bit. And I don’t know what happened in the immediate aftermath, but it probably wasn’t pretty. She was twelve, barely twelve, and she didn’t know, at first, what had happened. 

But in the days that followed, she found her canines were suddenly weirdly sharp, the sunlight which had always been so nice and bright and warm suddenly burned her skin when it touched her, every food she ate tasted like dirt no matter how delicious it ought to be and even if she managed to clean her plate anyway she’d still feel hungry afterward. She found herself crushing and breaking objects with her bare hands without trying to, and found that she could run much faster than she ever could before--except no matter how fast she ran she couldn’t feel her heart racing like it had used to, like she’d always loved so much. When she looked in mirrors she saw nothing and no one looking back at her, as if she wasn’t there. One day she was playing video games on the couch with a friend and suddenly her stomach grumbled, and the smell of blood that had been nagging at her became just about impossible to ignore, and suddenly a primal urge leapt up inside her to grab her friend and bite into her neck and suck. Every instinct in her body wanted to do it. She almost did. She had to physically pull herself back, and it made her stomach growl harder. It was unexpected, it shocked and scared both her and her friend. She was twelve. She hadn’t asked for this. 

More incidents like that happened. Some of her friends became more wary of her, when they came around, even once Penny’s family started taking blood samples from themselves and making sure she drank some right before any of her friends came over. Some friends’ parents became wary of her as well, started to keep their kids from spending time with her. She saw less and less of her best friends. She started holing up in her room, terrified to be around people, including her family, lest the blood cravings come again. Her family would leave small containers of blood and she would leave them untouched for hours on end long after she’d started feeling hungry, before finally downing them and feeling like a monster for it even though she knew she had no other choice. She was twelve.

She didn’t like feeling horrible all the time, so as time went on, she distracted herself as much as she could. Put on happy music and sang as much as possible to drown out her thoughts. Danced around her room. Painted and painted and painted. Started spending time with her family again more and more. Decided, hey, isn’t having super strength and super speed kinda cool? Like being a superhero, right? Decided, well, if I can’t have the sunlight, there’s other ways of having light around me, right? So why not collect them, like mini disco balls and cool lamps and stuff? And why not watch the sun rise and set, so as to feel close to it somehow in that way? Feeding never came to be pleasant. She blocked out any thoughts while feeding as best as she could. She never stopped missing the sun. Kept trying everything she could to go outside in it without getting burnt. Filled her days with everything she could to keep her smiling as much as possible, to crowd out the darkness and despair. Got to the point where she felt like she was doing a lot better, and to some degree maybe she was. But the pain never really went away. It'd still surface--if briefly, before she shoved it down again with more happy songs--whenever she fed, whenever the sunlight hit her and burned her skin, whenever she looked in any reflective surface and saw nocreature there. 

Somewhere along the way, she started at a new school. A very different school. One where she’d have to live away from her family most of the year. One where some kids had wings and some kids turned into wolves, but the kids most of her time would be spent around were like her. Except not, because some of them had been born already craving blood, born already without reflections or heartbeats, born already unable to walk in the sun. They hadn’t had their humanity suddenly and painfully ripped away from them, losing so much in the process. They’d never been human to begin with. Others had been human like her once, but seemed to have no problem being vampires now. None of them yearned for days in the sun and family photographs and pizza and birthday cakes the way she did. Many of them weren’t big on colors or pop music or anything she liked either. She managed to make friends with one or two people from the other schools, but spent much of her time alone. Filling it with happy things so she wouldn’t have to think about everything else. 

She’s fourteen now. It’s been two and a half years. She dresses in dozens of bright hues and glitter, clips fake colored streaks in her hair. She sings and dances and cracks jokes and does arts and crafts and is almost never seen without a smile on her face. She always wears dozens of friendship bracelets from friends she hasn’t seen in years. Her skin is pale now from no longer seeing the sun, and there are dark circles under her eyes from never figuring out a proper sleep schedule since her physiology went nocturnal but the rest of the world didn’t. She avoids looking in mirrors. She laughs and smiles and sings happy songs like nothing ever happened, and people who don’t know her don’t realize she has to in order to remotely feel like nothing ever happened. She does her best to be happy within an inescapable situation that she will never, never be content with the fact that she’s in. And she is happy. She is. And she’s really, really not.

[everyonesfavoritepipecleaner]

Find a Penny, Pick it Up

Summary: reader finds a good luck charm

Pairing: Spencer Reid x FemBAU!Reader

Word Count: 2740

Genre: fluff, as per usual <3

Content Warning: brief descriptions of case-related violence (gunshots, injury while in pursuit), kissing

A/N: this fic is a long time coming! i got super hung up with editing and ended up re-writing certain parts like... fifteen times over the course of a couple months. also avoided working on it by making my first header collage. anyway! i'm finally happy with it and hope you all enjoy it too :)

A glint of copper stopped you in your tracks and you bent down to pick up the penny without a second thought. It’s funny how things change. Growing up you never understood good luck charms, couldn’t see why people would choose to believe in an invisible, immeasurable force over their own agency and abilities.

But if people are a tapestry of those we surround ourselves with—if the traits of our friends and family start to weave into the complex fabric of our own personalities—then you suppose you have your best friend from college to thank for the new outlook. Whenever she found a penny, she’d drag you to the nearest gas station to buy a scratch-off lottery ticket, using the coin to reveal the hidden symbols. She never won anything more than ten dollars or another free ticket that turned out to be a bust, but she’d look at you with a gleam in her eye and remark how lucky she was regardless. You’d give a good natured laugh, at the very least appreciative for the brief adventure, for the small moment of anticipation that her superstition created.

So when you spotted the penny face-up on the sidewalk on your way to the final round of interviews for your dream job, you picked it up and slipped it into your pocket. While you know you ended up becoming the newest member of the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit purely of your own merit, you couldn’t help but give the coin a bit of credit.

Because that was also the day you met Spencer Reid.

Today, you wake to a dreary, dismal sky. It’s the kind of day that makes you want to pull the covers over your head and pretend the outside world doesn’t exist for a while. You do the next best thing—hit snooze on your alarm until you’re running late. You shoot off an apology text to Hotch and curse at yourself under your breath as you rummage around in your go bag for your umbrella. You’re never late (well, hardly ever, you concede) so you’re less concerned with his response and more preoccupied with the fact that this means you won’t have time to stop for a decent cup of coffee before heading to the station.

As you step out of the SUV onto the rain-soaked pavement, a familiar metallic flash catches your eye, and you walk into the local precinct with an uncharacteristically broad grin on your face.

“Woah, what’s with you, little miss sunshine? It usually takes until at least your fourth cup of coffee for you to crack a smile like that when the weather’s this bad,” Derek observes.

“Found a penny, looks like I’m in for a lucky day,” you quip as you shrug off your jacket, hearing the faintest jingle of the new penny mingling with the one from the day of your interview. You still carry it with you everywhere, the copper starting to patina from how often you run your thumb over its reassuringly cool surface.

You find it hard to believe it’s only been three years since you joined this team. Barely any time in the grand scheme of things, and it astonishes you how quickly they became like a second family. Sometimes you’re tempted to think it’s just the nature of the job—that you have to be close since you trust each other with your lives each day. But you can have that sort of trust without intimacy, have respect without devotion.

You think back to that final interview with the BAU, the firm handshake Hotch gave you in congratulations, welcoming you to the unit. How in your excitement and urgency to text the good news to your family you didn’t look where you were going and ran smack into one of your new coworkers, inciting a scene of flying limbs and scattered files. As you scrambled to help clean up the mess, the apologies spewing from your lips stopped short when you found yourself staring into Spencer’s warm hazel eyes for the first time. In the midst of the nervous laughter, you felt drawn to him in some inexplicable way. And, despite the awkward introduction, the two of you became fast friends.

Eventually that initial connection you felt grew into something more. You can’t even pinpoint the exact moment it happened, you just know that you revel in your every interaction. Your simplest conversations leave you glowing for the rest of the day. You love existing in his world—a world of kindness, intelligence, patience. You love him, though you’ve resigned to never admitting it, too afraid of risking the friendship that means so much to you.

Emily pokes her head up from behind a mountain of file boxes, interrupting your reverie, “Do you really believe that old superstition?”

You give a noncommittal hum, “I don’t put a lot of stock in it, but in a way, yes. I think it comes down to the thrill of possibility. The brief instance where you think that you might have the best day of your life simply because you found a penny. If picking it up helps you prolong that mindset, it makes sense that good things will follow—because you’re open to them.”

“That’s absolutely right!” Spencer spins around from the map where he’s working on the geographical profile to face you, nodding intently. “Studies have shown that lucky charms create an illusion of control for the person who believes in them, which boosts confidence, ultimately contributing to their own success. There’s no tangible thing for what we call ‘luck,’ but we can create one by transferring the concept to an object.”

You try your hardest to pay full attention to what he’s saying. You’d think that by now you’d have learned to focus solely on his words instead of getting lost in the way he gestures with his hands when he gets excited, how his whole face lights up when he shares something from his infinite vault of facts and anecdotes. You love listening to him when he gets like this, brain running at full speed and his mouth just trying to keep up. God, you’d listen to him talk forever if it would make him happy.

“And the origins of pennies being viewed as good luck are fascinating. According to one theory, the thought stemmed from religious beliefs. Folklore from ancient civilizations said that metals—like copper—were gifts from the gods intended to protect people from evil. And this fueled other superstitions like charm bracelets and metal horseshoes,” he finishes, slightly out of breath from the infodump.

That is interesting, Spence,” you reply. You don’t always know what to say in response to his tangents, but you hope that your tone conveys how much you genuinely enjoy hearing them.

The beaming smile he gives you lets you know that it does, and you feel that familiar heat rise to your cheeks. It’s the way you always feel under his gaze, a reminder that your feelings for him were inevitable.

Smiling back, you allow yourself to get lost in the possibility of a life where Spencer Reid knows how hopelessly in love you are with him, if only for a moment. You’re too busy staring at each other to notice the knowing smirk that Emily and Derek exchange, the moment only broken when Derek clears his throat to suggest it’s time to get back to work.

“I’m gonna grab coffee, anyone else need some?” You ask before settling in.

“Oh!” Spencer interjects, “Here—I got you a latte when we stopped on our way in. I know how tough days like this can be for you, thought you could use the extra pick-me-up.”

Your fingers brush as he hands you the cup, leaving you unsure if the warmth you feel spreading through your body is from the first sip of the coffee or his touch. When you murmur a heartfelt thank you and give his forearm a light squeeze, you catch Derek nudge Emily with his elbow and her failed attempt to turn her chuckle into a cough. You shrug it off and think that maybe you’re in for a lucky day after all.

By mid-afternoon the torrential rain has let up, replaced by a light mist that clings persistently to your windbreakers as the team piles into the SUVs. After poring over the evidence and with the help of the one and only Penelope Garcia, you’ve got a name and address for the unsub and are en route to his apartment.

When you arrive, Hotch directs you, Morgan, and Reid to cover the back in case he tries to make a run for it. You’ve barely gotten into position when you hear commotion on the fire escape, followed by a figure leaping from the second story and taking off down the alley. Your heartbeat hammers in your ears as you sprint after in hot pursuit when he suddenly stops and whips around, gun aimed straight for your chest.

A shot rings out.

Everything seems to come to a halt as the bullet hits its mark, blinding pain exploding through your body. You’re knocked off balance, head slamming against the concrete as you fall to the ground. Your vision blurs and you feel yourself teetering on the edge of consciousness as you struggle to breathe.

Through the haze you hear Spencer yelling into his com, “Agent down! We need medical–now!” before you feel his hands on you, frantically scanning your body for injuries.

“Y/N, hey. Hey. Can you hear me?” He asks, panic evident in his voice.

You cough and sputter out a gasp, still trying to catch your breath from the impact, “Vest caught it. Go.”

“Morgan’s on it, and JJ isn’t far behind. I’m staying with you. You know they’re more useful than me in a chase, anyway,” he tries to joke, but the unsteadiness in his voice breaks through.

“Don’t–don’t worry about me. Told you, my vest caught it.” you pant, hearing the faint sound of sirens in the distance.

“Bulletproof vests aren’t actually bulletproof, though. They just rapidly dissipate the energy from the bullet. You could have cracked ribs, or a concussion depending how hard you hit the ground, or a myriad of other internal injuries,” he lists off as he wraps his arms around you, gently helping you sit up.

“Reid. I’m fine,” you stifle a wince, only drawing further concern from him.

You offer a strained smile in a feeble attempt at reassurance, met by an unreadable expression. His eyes are wider than normal, cheeks pink and brows slightly furrowed. You notice how his hand shakes as he brings it up to gingerly touch the back of your head.

“Y/N, I—you need to know something...”

You look at him curiously and wait for him to continue. His eyes dart to yours for a fleeting moment before dropping to the ground, but you note how they burn with a sense of urgency.

“What is it?” you ask softly, taking his hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“I just—I can’t go another day without telling you how much I care about you,” he starts. When he looks back up and locks eyes with you, you find yourself lost in his gaze, basking in its warmth and adoration. He doesn’t continue talking, but he doesn’t need to. Because that look is one that you’ve found yourself wearing more often than not when in the presence of Spencer Reid. It’s a look that sets off somersaults in your chest, knowing that he’s just as hopelessly in love with you as you are with him.

You’re not sure who closes the distance first, but suddenly you're pulling each other into a deep kiss and all other thoughts have melted away. The feelings for him that have been clawing at your chest for the better part of three years have finally been released, and you find yourself wondering how you ever kept them contained in the first place. You’d imagined this moment so many times, but the real thing far exceeds those wistful daydreams.

When you finally pull away for air you can’t control the smile that breaks across your face, a similar one spread on his. He leans away from you and takes a deep breath, “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about doing that. Well, actually I could—eidetic memory and all—but I won’t because I know that’s weird and I don’t want to freak you out and–”

Your hands find their way to his face and you cut him off with a firm kiss. It’s one of the few times you’ve interrupted his ramblings, but will definitely be your favorite way from now on.

When you break apart again he’s looking at you like you’re the night sky, continually searching for a wonder he hasn’t yet seen.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” you tease.

His eyes remain focused on yours, “I’m still kind of trying to convince myself this is real. I can’t believe I kissed you. And you’re kissing me back,” he breathes, nothing short of awestruck.

Your heart swells in your chest as you beam at him. Your next words come tumbling from your mouth without a second thought. They’re the words you’ve been holding back for so long, and finally saying them extinguishes the fire they’ve been burning in your throat, “And I can’t believe how in love with you I am.”

“Spence, from the moment we met I knew you were special. I’ve searched for the words to describe it but I keep coming up empty. You’re just so... you. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, not to mention the most brilliant mind. I could listen to you talk about the latest philosophy book you read for hours, I love the way you purse your lips and scrunch up your nose right before you make a breakthrough on a case, I-“

“Monday, April Twenty-Sixth. Eight-fourteen AM,” he interrupts.

You blink back at him, confused, “What?”

“The moment we met. I was making my way to Hotch’s office when the door flew open and I was knocked to the ground by the most intimidatingly beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

“Spencer...“ you flush at the memory, but he continues, his own thoughts he’d pushed down long ago finally rushing to the surface.

“When our eyes met, you smiled that perfect smile of yours and that’s when I knew... there was no stopping me from feeling this way. And those feelings have only grown the longer I’ve known you. I never believed in the notion of ‘love at first sight.’ I mean, by the very definition, love is an intense feeling of deep affection—and how can you have affection for someone without knowing them at all? Oftentimes what most people experience is lust at first sight and they call it love because they don’t understand simple emotions and their chemical responses. But,” he pauses to collect his thoughts, “the first time I laid eyes on you, you defied all my understanding of love, of lust, of any sort of logic or fact or definition. You made me realize that not everything can be explained.”

He envelops you this time in a slow, gentle kiss, your lips dancing delicately together, communicating the depths of your feelings without words. You don’t think you’ll ever get tired of kissing him.

You smile as you pull away, “See, I told you I was going to have a lucky day.”

“Are you serious? Y/N, you just got shot! You could–you could have died!” Spencer screeches.

“I could have, but I didn’t—good luck,” you deadpan, biting the inside of your cheek to stifle your laugh.

The look of utter disbelief he gives you lets you know he’s about to reprimand you for being so cavalier about the incident, so you put him out of his misery.

“Spencer, I’m kidding!” you exclaim, landing a soft hit to his chest with the back of your hand. “But I did get to kiss you, which I think more than makes up for the attempt on my life.”

He lets out an incredulous laugh, shaking his head with that smile of his. You know as long as you can keep making him smile like that everything will be okay, and you feel pretty damn lucky to call him yours.

i appreciate each and every one of you for reading!! feel free to let me know what you think, or just come say hello <3

masterlist | join my taglist

taglist: @alexlovescriminalminds @reidsbookclub @notanotherreidgirl @behindyourbarrette @unmitigatedsuperiority @nomajdetective @measure-in-pain

[charliedawn]

What is their reaction when they find out that they may have grown attached to you ?

You know how Jason can be very insecure and self-conscious ? Well. Prepare for a whole new level. He will check himself in the mirror when you're not looking, and if he doesn't like what he is seeing ? He will smash the mirror and go in a corner to sit and move back and forth, to give himself some reassurance. He still remembers what his mother used to tell him.

" Persons are a nuisance, Jason. You don't need them to survive."

But then, why does he feel like he needs you ? He feels conflicted as to what to believe.

Super jumpy ! He will jump almost every time you touch him or lose his grip of the things he is holding, often ending broken and splattered on the floor. He would be as clumsy as Jason and would want you to spend more time with him. However, he would also be scared of you breaking his heart.

" I..I c..care.."

Like many of your patients, Brahms has trouble finding his words. At first, many thought he was mute, like Jason or Michael. This is why hearing him speak to you always means it is important.

" I..I care.."

He wants to say many things, how he cherishes every moment you spend together, how you make his heart race everytime you are near him or how he wants you to be by his side forever..But, he can't. He can just hope that what he feels can be expressed through eye contact. You may not understand what he wants to say, but you still try to understand. You put your hand on his and reply with a compassionate smile.

" I care about you too. You are a very good friend, Brahms.."

Did you just indirectly friendzone him ? Possibly..You walk out and Brahms sighs before sitting on his bed while hugging his doll to comfort him.

" You turn me on."

He will be absolutely frank about it. He will just step up and tell you in front of anyone. He doesn't give a damn if the others hear him as well. Also, creep alert, will watch you sleep. He will sneak in your bedroom in the middle of the night and just look at you sleep. He wants to touch you so bad, but he knows that that would wake you up. And he doesn't want that. He will just admire you from afar, even pretend that you may like him back. He would just want to get close to you, to look at you and wonder what you may be dreaming about..hoping that you are dreaming of him.

" Oh my sweet..You look so perfect when you sleep.."

Now..You know how Five is very serious about his relationship with Dolores ? Well, you better be prepared by lots of imaginary fights between the two of them, and even a break-up ! *gasp* Drama. He would be in a very bad mood and would scream and attack everyone that approaches his personal space. He would also smash everything in his room. Like, everything. So much that the other nurses would be too scared of him and ask you to handle it.

" Hey. Are you okay, Five ? Did something happen ?"

He would snort and look up at you with visible frustration.

" You happened. Dolores and I broke up. Not that she was one to share her feelings anyway."

You frown in incomprehension before asking with a small airy laugh.

" I don't understand, what does that have to do with me ?"

Your question seems to trigger a nerve and he suddenly stands up to look at you dead in the eye with anger and, somehow, pain..

" Everything ! You're too nice ! Too forgiving ! Too perfect ! You wiped our past as if it was nothing, goddammit ! We're serial killers, Y/N! We're monsters and you treat us as if we were..as if we were.."

He doesn't get to finish that sentence as he seems on the verge of tears. He jumps on his bed to sit and hide his face behind his knees. You seem to finally understand the problem and sigh before sitting next to Five.

" It's okay to have feelings, Five. You can't hide them forever. I'm sorry if it upsets you but, I don't think you're all that bad. Sure, you kill and even eat people. But, I've seen you change. You are a lot less violent and a few more months ? And I'm sure you'll be out of here in no time."

He looks up at you again with a sort of desperation, very uncharacteristic of Five, before finally asking in a tearful voice.

" What if..What if I don't want to go back ? Out there, I'm just a freak. But, here ? I got.."

He doesn't finish his sentence, but you guess what he is going to say and smile understandingly.

"..Friends ?"

He doesn't answer, he only suddenly hugs you tightly and hides his face in your skirt. You hesitate before slowly petting the top of his head affectionately. The gesture seems to relax him, but he quickly straightens up and wipes his tears away. He then stands up and apologizes.

" I..I'm sorry, it was highly inappropriate of me. I'll..I'll let you work."

Before you could say anything, he runs out of the room and leaves you confused and worried.

Lots of uncontrollable laughter. More than usual. He is very nervous when you're around him and sometimes cries while laughing, showing that he is deeply ashamed of his condition. He is very bipolar and will sometimes act very casually around you, only to break into tears when you leave the room. He will stare at you and turn his gaze away as soon as you would notice.

" Well, would you look at that ? Sir Sh*tty the clown seems to have a little crush on the nice nurse.."

Pennywise would tease him about it while Penny cackles behind him. Arthur glares at them both before either ignoring them or leaving the room.

No. Nope. Certainly not. He will try to hide from you. He knows very well what he is feeling, and also what happens to the people he feels this way towards. He just managed to get rid of his curse, he is not about to risk getting on a murder rampage again ! Every time he would see you, he would pretend to be busy or hide. One time, he even jumped out the window to get away from you. It is very odd since Michael is normally the most chill and calm out of all the patients. But one look at you ? And he becomes a panicking mess. He has to get away. He doesn't want to hurt you like he hurt everyone else close to him, like he hurt his family..

" Me ? Having feelings ? Ah !"

One word: denial. He doesn't want to hear about things like feelings. He saved you ? Bah. It was only because he was bored. He will deny everything, but still follow you and pop up out of nowhere to see what you're doing. He enjoys talking to you, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

" Pennywise..You're staring again."

Penny would gently warn him as his big brother would pretend to not have done such a thing.

" Can't an old clown appreciate to look at nice things sometimes ?"

Penny frowns, not understanding his big brother's words until Freddy intervenes by popping next to him with a huge grin.

" Let it go, kid. Your big bro is just too much of a chicken to go talk to her.."

Pennywise growls in annoyance at Freddy before raising his middle finger at him.

" F*ck off Freddy ! At least I don't watch her sleep like a total perv !"

That would result in a fight that you would have to break. Again..

" Pennywise..I think I'm sick.."

Pennywise would admit some day to Pennywise that would sigh in annoyance.

" Stop saying stupid sh*t. You know very well that we can't be sick."

But, upon seeing the devastated face of his brother, Pennywise sighs loudly before turning towards him to focus his whole attention on him.

" Fiiinnneee...Tell me."

Penny's mood seems to lit up as his brother seems to be willing to listen to him.

" OK, so it concerns the nurse, Y/N. Everytime they are near me, I feel things in my stomach, like a million kids were kicking me in there..Everytime they touch me, I feel as if a part of me in my chest is about to burst and I feel warm, very very warm. And then, I feel very very bad when they talk to anyone else..It's horrible. I want it to stop..Should I eat them ?"

Pennywise stays silent for a while before saying with an unusual straight face.

" Penny.."

He starts, but Penny starts panicking as he sees the sour look on his brother's face.

" Oh ! It's bad, isn't it ?! What is it ?! How long do I have ?!"

Pennywise rolls his eyes dramatically at his brother's exaggerated reaction before cutting him off in his worried questions.

" Shut up, you idiot ! You're not dying. You're just feeling.."things" for them."

Penny stops talking and frowns in confusion, his eyes diverging in deep concentration, as if trying to understand Pennywise's words.

" Things ?! What things ?!"

He finally asks with his eyes wide open in obvious loss and Pennywise face-palms himself before answering with a loud sigh.

" You're falling in love, you dumb f*ck !"

At the word, Penny's face freezes and his smile goes downwards as he realizes that his older brother is right.

" Oh, sh*t.."

He curses and Pennywise frowns, as Penny hates curses.

" Language ! I'm the only one allowed to use curses, remember ?!"

Penny nods before asking in a worried tone.

" How do I get rid of it ? I don't like it.."

Pennywise can't help but feel sorry for Penny, as he knew better than anyone that there was no turning back..

" I'm sorry kid. But if it's really love ? You can't..like I can't.."

Penny's eyes widen at his brother's confession.

" You..You..love her too ?"

Pennywise seems to realize what he just said and groans before walking away. He didn't want anyone to know, even though Penny is his brother. Penny understands the wish of his brother to be left alone and starts walking out in the garden to think over what his older brother said..Could it be ? Could he really be falling in love ?

Bonus : The deal

The Horde is blindfolded and dragged to another room where a man and a woman are waiting for them. At first look, he can already tell that this man is one of the unworthy. The unbroken. The weak..His interest is cut short and he then turns towards the woman sitting next to him. Now, this one was interesting..Her eyes betrayed a much deeper complexity and she had a scar running from her forehead to her left cheek that proved she was worthy.

" You..You are broken. Rejoice.."

The woman smiles, but before she could start talking, her partner does it for her.

" Mister Wendell Crumb, we have a mission for you."

But Kevin only grits his teeths at the man.

" You are impure..I want to kill you.."

The man arks an eyebrow, but ignores his threat.

" Fine. Whatever. But first, I want you to be my spy. We didn't get you out of this prison for nothing, mister Wendell Crumb. We want you to be our little spy in the facility. We want you to find out how a certain miss L/N managed to control the patients outside of the facility. Do that, and you'll be as free as a bird..Do we have a deal ?"

He frowns, they wanted him to spy on a nurse ? She must be quite special for them to go to such lengths, to use him as a spy..Yes, quite the unique prey. The Beast was already impatient and Kevin licks his lips before nodding.

" Fine, but on one condition. When you're finished with her, I get to eat her heart.."

The request seems to take the man aback, but it is the lady that Kevin is looking at. She smiles coldly before nodding in agreement.

" Deal."

Kevin finally smiles widely and can't help the excited giggle that gets out from deep within him. Then, the dark and low voice of the beast makes itself heard as the smile grows almost ferocious as he announces. .

" Let the hunt begin.."

[juniorgman187]

Spoiled Rotten (Reid Fic)

Summary: After Spencer went radio silent on Reader while he was in prison, their pride and stubbornness threatens to tear them apart forever. Reader’s forced to mourn the death of who they were and experience the inner turmoil of navigating who they are.

A/N: Y’all are gonna kill me for the ending, but it’s one hell of a way to go.  Pairing: Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Category: Angst Content Warning: Imprisonment, humiliation, abandonment, anger, frustration, angst, yelling, fighting Word Count: 5.3k Playlist: Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo

Time jumps are indicated by “. . .” or “_ _ _”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

A rather unfortunate predicament we’ve found ourselves in tonight. I can’t say I’ve ever been quite this uncomfortable in my life, yet I’m careful not to speak too soon. Because I know the second Spencer opens his mouth to break the silence we’re currently sitting in, I’ll stand corrected. 

“You’re breathing really hard,” He tells me out of nowhere. 

See, I stand corrected. 

Now that I’ve become hyper aware of my own inhale and exhale, my respiration is just that much more restricted. I’m practically holding my breath at this moment - both from the anticipation of catching this unsub in the act and giving Spencer one less thing to scrutinize about me. 

“I didn’t say you had to stop breathing,” He tacks on as if it would put me any more at ease. Not that if he had explicitly said such a thing, I would’ve. 

Unlike other people, I wasn’t exactly jumping at the chance to throw myself at his feet so he’d like me. But to use that as grounds for his disdain would be foolish. Our rancor went deeper than the basic lack of synergy between us. 

And in the spirit of getting to the bottom of that abyssal pit, I finally asked the question with words that always seemed to hang above but never would form. 

“Why was I the only one denied visitation while you were in prison?” 

It may surprise you to know that it wasn’t always like this between us; we were actually close once, although it is hard to imagine that version of us ever really existing. However, if I think about it hard enough, I can remember with perfect clarity who we used to be. 

. . .

“Jeez, you really don’t like these things do you?” I nudged him playfully before feeling instantly guilty once I witnessed the result of my shove that must’ve been a little too much for all 120 (at most) pounds of him. I’d neglected to remember the strength I held over the lanky Doctor as well as neglected to notice where the trajectory of my push would land him - in the direct line of a circus clown walking the opposite direction as us. This, of course, brought him face to face with the character. Unfortunately, I managed to catch a glimpse of the lens of Spencer’s glasses grazing the white face paint of the caricature. 

After a shudder of mortification and a very brave shriek, Spencer ran to my other side to be as far away from the clown as possible and apparently, as close to me as possible. From a distance, you’d think we were conjoined simply by the way he was glued to me - shoulder to shoulder, elbow to elbow, hip to hip, thigh to thigh. 

While removing his glasses to clean them off with the hem of his blazer, he answered, “Carnivals? I mean, what’s not to like? What with the loud noises, the heart-attack-inducing food that’s more grease than actual food, or the sheer amount of bacteria harboring on each and every handle, hoop, ball, or button of these ridiculous game booths.” 

“Wow, you really don’t like carnivals.” I should’ve figured. 

“Nope. Never have and probably never will.” 

As someone who looked forward to the fair every summer of her childhood, any aversion to carnivals broke my heart. I had a fondness for them borne in adolescence that I couldn’t quite justify now in my adulthood. 

“But they’re fun!” was the best argument I could muster. The whine in my voice being provoked by the possibility that the higher the shrill of my pitch, the easier he’d be to sway. Turns out, Dr. Reid was not nearly as susceptible to my auditory persuasion as I might’ve thought he was. Just a stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. 

“I’m sorry. I know you brought me here because you love these things, but I just can’t get past the ...” He surveyed the fair, ostensibly against his will, in search of the perfect word to describe our surroundings. “Filth.”

I would’ve argued in the defense of the carnival, mentioning how it’s endearing that the only bathrooms for miles were porta potties, and that the screaming, crying, sticky children galore just added to the attraction, and that there was a hidden charm to the way the roller coasters creaked beyond their means with every ride. 

But to an extent, I agreed. It was rather filthy, and I wasn’t much of a germaphobe myself so to someone like him, this would be hell on earth. 

“Well, you get what you put into it. If you’re willing to overlook some minor imperfections, I really think you’d enjoy this place.” 

Spencer by now had his hands in his pockets and his walking pace had slowed to a complete halt. There was a moment of skepticism, followed by a partially open smile to make way for the laughter that escaped from the disbelief that he felt for letting me break his resolve so easily. 

“Alright then. What do you want to do first, Brat?” 

The nickname I’d earned could be seen as meanspirited, but truly, it was affectionately diminutive. Like all good nicknames are. And like the proclaimed Brat I was, I’d taken him to all my favorite parts of the fair. 

First came the bumper cars to ease him into the experience - as ironic as that sounds. He was reluctant to submerge his gangly body into a mini vehicle, much less one that’d been inhabited by God knows how many people before us, but he pushed his reservations aside when he realized he’d get to slam into my car (safely, of course). 

Secondly, we went on the Carousel, but this was only in preparation for the real ride that I wanted to take him on next - the Swinging Chairs. He’d gotten a little nauseous, from both the repetitive circling and the galvanized chains he had to hold that were definitely held by several others. 

He had no interest in going on the Gravitron - super lame, I know - so we opted for the Ferris Wheel instead. I didn’t mind making this compromise so much after recognizing all that he’d done for my benefit that night. And for his generosity and selflessness, I thought it only fitting to end the night going somewhere so tame he couldn’t possibly have any opposition to it.

The photo booth.

The booth in particular we’d gone to was smaller than an airplane bathroom, if you can imagine that. The bench seat was barely wide enough to fit Spencer, let alone seat the both of us. While he didn’t explicitly make the offer to let me sit on his lap, it was kind of a give in that I’d have some part of my body intertwined around him like stubborn ivy. 

. . .

I still laugh thinking about the tangled mess of limbs we were below what the camera couldn’t capture. It was arguably the furthest extent of contortionist work I wanted to do in my lifetime, and henceforth exceedingly uncomfortable, and yet, I’d never felt more at home than when I was in his arms. 

That night he would tear off the top three photos to keep for himself while I kept the bottom three photos. 

To this day, I have never seen the pictures that he kept, and I’m left to wonder if he had them at all.

Because I still have mine. And they were virtually the only thing keeping me sane throughout his trial and subsequent imprisonment. 

Six Months Ago ...

My eyes were locked on the loose thread of my cardigan that I was rolling between my fingers anxiously. 

“Would you stop that?” Penelope swatted my hand away from my sweater. “You’re making me nervous just looking at you.” She grumbled. 

“Sorry,” I apologized bleakly.

A few seconds later she groaned again, making me think I was still doing something bothersome, but it turned out to be just the opposite. “Ugh, I know that sounded mean, and I hate when I sound mean, but I can feel my forehead creasing from the stress, and watching you fidget is going to give me an ulcer.”

“I wish I could help it. I’m just really worried about him.”

“Well I am, too, but that’s not gonna do us any good right now. All we can do is hope for the best.”

Sometimes Penelope’s overly optimistic view on life was futile and unwelcome, and truthfully, this was one of those times. 

“Penny?” 

As she turned her head, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the lenses of her dark green glasses. I could see my own mournful expression as I asked, “What if he’s found guilty?” 

She started to say something but stopped herself. “Right now, all we need to focus on is his bail. We can worry about a verdict later.” She put her hand on top of mine and shook it briefly to remind me that we were in this together. 

Moments later recess was over and the team came trudging back into the courtroom. 

The sound of the judge clearing her throat and our footsteps on the floor made this feel all too normal. 

How could Spencer’s life be hanging in the balance in such a place as non-intimate as this? 

It frustrated me how casual things felt today and how everyone was acting normally. Prentiss had yet to bat an eye, Rossi’s stoic expression never changed, and Penelope was telling me not to worry. Everyone was acting so aloof. 

My eyes darted to Spencer, who was looking back at us woefully. I couldn’t bear to see him like that any longer, so I kept my head down and stared at my feet after I took my seat. 

Even when I closed my eyes, I was haunted by the vision of him in a suit, just like one he’d wear to work. But instead, he was wearing it for this - this vastly different situation. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at him the same in one anymore. I’ll probably just remember this particular look on his face, in this god awful courtroom, during this horribly nauseating circumstance. 

If one thing was for certain, it was that this would all come back to me if I ever laid eyes on him in a suit, and that thought fucking terrified me. 

Because that one thought spiraled into the next: Everything was bound to change after this. Every little thing would change in every little way. 

Spencer’s lawyer, the judge, and the prosecutor were going back and forth for a while, but I tuned it all out because I knew if I had tuned in, I wouldn’t have been able to hold back my arguments. Eventually, though, I heard something I could no longer ignore. 

“If past behavior is the best indicator of future conduct, and I do believe it is, then your client presents a flight risk.”

I stood up immediately, getting a head rush from the speed. I knew what was to follow, so I needed to be on my feet the second I heard it. Maybe so I could run and escape before I had to.

“Bail is denied. The defendant will remain in federal custody pending trial.” 

“Spencer!” I shouted, losing all the composure I’d been trying to maintain. I reached for him as if he was at any capacity to reach back and hold me. God, I needed him to hold me. Hold me like how he did at the carnival. 

Hold me.

Luke held me back as I fought to be near him.

“Let me go!” I screamed, trying to break free of his tight grip. Spencer could only stand and stare, mirroring my own wistful glance. He mouthed something to me that I couldn’t quite make out, but if I knew him at all, he probably said something about not wanting me to worry about him. 

“(Y/n), (y/n) it’s gonna be alright.” JJ reasoned, pulling me into a hug. 

“How long before this case goes to trial?” I heard Prentiss whisper to Spencer’s lawyer. 

“It’s a complicated case. I’d say three months maybe?” 

Immediately, I worked myself out of JJ’s arms and pushed my way through the team, running up to the barrier between us.

“Spence!” I cried out in anguish. 

To the sound of my voice, he glanced over his shoulder sadly. He wasn’t even shocked I’d been able to get so close to him - he seemed to expect it, and for that, he was sad. Because he knew if I was going to be as stubborn as to fight to get to him at this hearing, then I was going to be stubborn enough to reach him in prison, too. And should he find himself behind bars, he knew that I’d get to him one way or another. 

That is if he’d let me. 

“Be strong,” He weakly smiled. ‘For me’ his sad eyes begged in addition. He held my gaze for as long as he possibly could before disappearing into another room. 

As I watched him walk away, I could feel my heart shattering and crumbling into the pit of my stomach. Perhaps that was a premonition, a true gut feeling, telling me something I at the time couldn’t have known and wouldn’t have accepted. 

That was the last time I would see Spencer. 

People always say when something unbelievable happens, it doesn’t feel real, but this? Nothing felt more real and more intense than this. 

There was no other way for me to see this situation but as the first defeat in an endless line of them.

If Spencer was denied bail, what else could happen to him? Could he be found guilty too? Because prior to this, the denial of his bail seemed impossible. He posed no flight risk, but according to the judge, he did. So if what I once thought to be impossible happened, then it could and would happen again.

I knew Spencer was going to be found guilty.

What I didn’t know, though, was how I was going to live with myself from then on.

I didn’t go that day. 

I knew myself too well. So did the others, which is why they didn’t object to my decision not to come to Spencer’s trial. They knew I was better off staying home. Especially, if there was the chance that I might react hysterically again.

I didn’t stay home, though. That part the team never found out about. 

I went to visit Diana instead. A much wiser choice, in my opinion. 

“You know, we’ve been talking so much about Spencer today, but we haven’t talked about you yet,” said Diana. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” I feigned a polite smile. 

“You thought I wouldn’t notice?” She tilted her chin downward and gave me that sly grin of hers. 

“No, no, of course not. I know better than to underestimate the Diana Reid.” I quipped, making her smile widen. “I just figured you’d wanna spend your time talking about someone much more interesting.” 

“Oh please, Spencer and I talk about you all the time.”

I perked up from the checker piece I was fiddling with. “You do?”

“Mhm,” She nodded over and over again. “I always knew there was something between you two because you could always talk about each other to me, but for some reason, you could never actually talk to each other.”

For the first time in months, I genuinely laughed and I couldn’t help it. “He makes me nervous! I always feel like he might correct something I say, or tell me that there’s food in my teeth.” 

“You know, now that you mention it, I do remember him saying something about seeing a really big piece of lettuce in your teeth one time.” 

“Diana!” I squealed, pushing the checkerboard at her, pretending to take offense. 

“I really don’t know what you’re so nervous about! I think it would be good if you just talked to him.” 

“It’s, um, it’s not that simple. Not right now, at least.” 

My energy quickly nose-dived and I tried to do my best to hide it from Diana, but it permeated through the rest of the visit. I couldn’t fully enjoy myself after it. 

The team and I all agreed not to let Diana know, especially not with the uncertainty of the case. There was no point riling her up if there was nothing to be worried about. And I could only imagine how I reacted - Diana would be reacting 10 times more hysterically. 

But as much as I hated to say it, I almost would’ve rather been in her position. 

I would give anything to un-know Spencer’s circumstance.

Present Time ...

In this car, there was nowhere for him to run or hide, not like before.

Anytime I so much as entered his gravity by being in the same room, he’d flee the space in the next breath. Granted, he couldn’t really avoid me entirely. We did have to be on the same flight for an extended period of time, but he made that work by letting me choose my spot first, then choosing a spot directly on the opposite side of the jet. 

What a gentleman, huh?

“Kudos to you, by the way. For managing to avoid me for this long. I imagine it’s been as not-easy as it has been incredibly-cowardly.” My words stung as they flowed from my lips as badly as I imagine they seared his already cracked skin. I couldn’t believe that now that I finally had the opportunity to talk to him, I was using it to be petty and passively aggressive. But then again, I could. 

Because after what he put me through, he deserved to feel the full severity of my indignation.

My only wish was that he knew exactly how I had felt when I found out. 

. . .

Icarus. 

He died tragically while using artificial wings, invented by his father, to escape from the Labyrinth. When Icarus flew too close to the sun, it melted the wax that held the wings together, and he fell into the sea.

‘Don’t fly too close to the sun.’ That’s the moral of the story. That’s what Reid was trying to tell me. But I didn’t listen. 

I flew too close. 

I had approached the window with more zeal than this predicament warranted. 

“I’m (y/n) (y/l/n). I’m here to see Spencer Reid, R-E-I-D,” I eagerly spelt his last name with ease as though it were my own last name. 

She’d flipped back and forth between pages, running her index finger up and down the sheet for far too long that it made me worry. Turns out, I had every right to be worried. 

“I don’t see you on the list, ma’am.” 

I was so mindnumbingly dumb that I couldn’t even see how dumb I was being. “Oh no no no, I’m with the FBI. I called earlier and left a message, remember?” 

“Yeah, I remember you,” She smiled politely, giving me the tiniest fragment of hope. “But you’re not on his list.” Only for it to be shattered in an instant. 

I had yet to process or accept this information. “So what does that mean?”

“It means he doesn't wanna see you right now. And frankly, neither do I. Next!” 

“Wait, could you just please check with him? My name is (y/n) -” 

“Ma’am, you are holding up a whole line of people that wanna see their loved ones too, so I suggest you see yourself out before I call security to help see you out.” 

I knew by her tone of the word ‘help’ that meant a prison guard would most likely forcibly remove me from the premises, and the last thing I needed was to feel even more humiliated. 

I got plenty of that when I had to come back to the BAU. 

“You’re not on the list?” Luke seemed genuinely shocked. More so than I was. Above all, I just felt really stupid. 

“I’m sure it was just a mistake.” Stephen reasoned. He was so good at being level-headed. Which normally, I would’ve loved. But right now, it only fueled the fire burning in my chest.

“That’s what I thought at first, too. But later on, she asked him herself, and he said - and I quote, ‘I don’t want to see her. Not now. Not ever.’”

. . .

Those were the words that seared my skin, and he hadn’t even spoken them directly to me to do it. 

The words that did just enough to heal me back to health were, of course, Penelope’s.

“Since you haven’t seen him yet, the rest of us will just wait until you have. It’s only fair that you have your first turn before the rest of us go back for a second time.” 

Back then, it was easy to hold out hope, but the more and more time passed, the more he kept denying my visits. Therefore, the more my hope began to fade. 

It had been weeks since anyone else had seen him before I finally surrendered. Although I had newly-brewing sourness towards Reid, it didn’t feel fair to deny him everyone else’s presence until mine was permitted. 

Luke was the one who volunteered to visit first. And to my dismay, Spencer didn’t fight against it. 

The proof was finally there. Now I could say with absolute certainty: Spencer just didn’t want to see me. 

It was both ironic and utterly frustrating to think about how I’d never gone more than two weeks without seeing him. Even when the BAU got time off after big cases, we’d always spend that time together. The longest we’d spent apart was 12 days. And right when he came back to D.C, we were attached at the hip for the next week, trying to compensate for all that time we were apart. 

Now, look at us. I haven’t said one word to him in half a year. 

If tragedy and comedy could coexist, this would be it. 

“How is he?” I asked Luke as soon as he got back. 

“He’s holding on,” Luke affirmed with confidence. What he said next lacked any of that. “He told me to tell you not to worry about him.” 

Something in me knew it was a lie. “Did he actually say that?”

His lack of an answer was one itself. 

“Did he say anything at all about me?”

“I tried telling him how much you wanted to see him, but he just brushed it off. I’m sorry, (y/n).” 

This became my routine for the months to follow. Every time someone would come back from the prison, I’d ask them if they talked about me, but the answer was always no. After a while, it had gotten to the point where I purposefully started leaving myself out of the loop. At least in that case, it was by my own volition that I was being excluded, not by a predicament being forced on me. 

Not by Spencer. 

“We’re not doing this right now,” Spencer declaration brought me back to the present, where I found him removing himself from both the conversation and the vehicle. When I heard the latch click to open, my hand reflexively flew to my auto-lock to prevent him from leaving. Naturally, he still managed to escape using his door’s button.

If I couldn’t stop him, then I could follow him. 

“Then when will we do this? Huh, Spencer? When? Because anytime I try to talk to you, you run away.” The mere fact that I was speed-walking after him was proof. While he casually strolled down the sidewalk paying me no mind, I tried to be clever and walk down the street so we’d be somewhat side to side. I was tired of staring at his back every time he walked away. I needed to see his face.

For his every stride, I had to take at least three steps. He was gliding through the world so effortlessly as I was trekking my uphill battle. It was quite fitting, though. Further exemplification that, between us, I was fighting harder to preserve the people we used to be, the relationship we used to have. Meanwhile, he couldn’t care less. A stone cold, inconvincible slab of steel. Just like he always was. 

As I began to speak, I had to also be conscious of the parked cars along the curb, being careful to weave in and out. 

“For months, you have blatantly ignored me. The entire time you were in prison, you denied my visits. And it’s not like it was a one time thing. I tried to visit you over 100 times while you were in jail! 100 times I got rejected. 100 times I got turned away. 100 times my heart shattered.” 

By now, I was speaking so loudly that I could see household lights within neighboring homes turning on. I hadn’t even realized how far we’d walked down the street and away from our car, but it was the last thing on my mind. 

“Then after you were released, it’s like I never even existed. I had to find out that you were out of there a week later than everyone else because they all assumed you came to me yourself to tell me the good news,” I laughed wryly at my own stupidity. “Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

“Do you know how hard it was for me?” 

It took me a second to register that he was actually engaging with me in this conversation now. But when I looked at his expression, I could see that something within him had snapped. A little piece of me was glad, though. Now I knew for sure that there was some effect I had on him. 

“Hard for you?”

“I know you came to visit me 100 times! Want to know how I know? Because I was there, too! I was there every time a guard came to ask if I wanted to see you. I was there every time I turned you away. And while you got to walk out of those doors every time I did, I was stuck in there, rotting in that cell, thinking about how badly I wanted to see you. How badly I wanted to touch ...” His voice faltered. “To touch you. But I had to protect you!” 

“You do realize in protecting me, you were hurting me in the process.” 

“Because you just don’t know when to leave well enough alone!” His hands tugged at the root of his unruly hair like evidence of the frustration that my stubbornness caused. “You’re such a pain in the ass because you can never cooperate! It’s gotta be your way or no one else’s! ‘Spencer, it has to be this way because I said so. Spencer, you have to let me see you because I said so. Spencer, you have to talk to me because I said so. Spencer, you have to ride this stupid roller coaster because I said so,’” His imitation of my nagging voice would’ve made me laugh before. Now, it was bringing me onto the verge of tears. “Since clearly no one’s told you this before - not everything is about you! You just want it to be because you’re a whiny, little brat! You’re so spoiled rotten that you can’t even see how far down it goes. If you did, you’d know that you’re rotten to the core and that nothing will ever satisfy you. Especially me.”

His words had done more than sear me. They pierced me. They ripped me. They destroyed me. When he called me Brat, I thought it was endearing. Now, looking back, I realize - no, that’s just how little he thought of me. 

As I came to the conclusion, I stopped dead in my tracks on the pavement. 

I was done chasing Spencer.

His face had fallen from its anger, indicating he was apologetic, but I was beyond accepting his sorry excuses anymore. I couldn’t stand to look at him so I looked behind me to find our car at least a football field away. I guess in many ways, I’d gone the whole nine yards. 

“This is what you wanted right?” I turned back to him momentarily. My voice scared me how calm it was because, inside, I was boiling with rage. “Well, here you go, Spence. Have all the fucking space you want.” 

It was usually me watching his back while he walked away, and now, he was watching mine. 

“(Y/n), wait!” 

And for the briefest second, it actually felt good to be the first one to leave. 

I was free. 

_ _ _

To my dismay and relief, when I walked into work the next morning, he wasn’t there. I would’ve looked for him with more than a cursory glance except I was stuck on looking at something strange in the bullpen that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. But as I walked further in, a blaring siren went off in my head. 

Spencer’s desk is completely empty. 

I instantly sorted through my purse for my phone to reach Prentiss when I noticed something more. 

I had been desperate to cling onto any notion that he still loved me, and there it was, just sitting on his desk. Proof that the man I loved was still in there somewhere.

The top three pictures from the carnival photo booth.

I laughed, as I always did, thinking about how much we had to exert ourselves to be positioned in a semi-adequate way. In the next wave, I felt profoundly empty. He had kept the pictures all these years, and now that I finally get to see them, he’s left me.

As I brought my hand to my face to clear the tears pooling at my lower lashes, I saw that my finger had an ink smear on the pad of it. There was nowhere else I could’ve obtained it except for if there was writing on the back of the photos. 

What I read when I turned it over was as follows. 

I want to be this guy for you again, (y/n). I just don’t know how. 

I just don’t know if I can.

No matter how much I’ve changed, one thing’s still the same.

I love you. 

I should’ve focused on the message, but all that I could focus on was that if I managed to smear the ink, that meant it was fresh, written just now. 

He was still here. 

I pocketed the photos and abandoned my purse, only carrying with me the phone that I forgot to use to dial Prentiss. After a moment’s indecision, I figured that taking the stairs would be faster than the elevator, and I bounded down the steps without hesitation. 

“Spencer!” I yelled into the parking structure when I reached the ground floor. The sound of me bursting through the door caught the attention of Anderson, who was getting out of his car. 

“I just saw him leave.” Anderson threw his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the exit. I knew, even in my state of mind, there was no feasible reality where I could reach him on foot. I had to call him. 

I pleaded to myself for him to pick up with every ring of my phone. 

“(Y/n),” He said like a statement instead of a question. Again, he’d anticipated I’d do this. He probably picked it up not even having to look at the caller ID but knowing it was me and no one else. 

“I don’t need you to be the guy you were before, Spencer. I just need you to bend a little bit. I know we’re both stubborn people, but if we can just find a halfway point-”

“(Y/n), (y/n),” He was settling me and the sentences that were coming out of my mouth at 100 mph. 

“I’ll bend if you bend.” I promised. 

The static of the call filled my ears until his voice finally did.

“For everyone else, I bend ... for you, I break.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

I don’t often reply to comments/ reblogs, so if you’d like me to respond, tell me your thoughts on this piece or any others here!

If you’re on this taglist, I strongly suggest commenting, reblogging, or liking!

CLICK HERE TO JOIN A TAGLIST

Reid Taglist: @spencerreid-mgg, @obsessedmaggiemay, @k-k0129, @aperrywilliams, @pinkisokay, @goldeng1rl8, @kreid187, @justanothetfangirl, @random-human-person, @spencerreid9, @josiemay20, @coldlilheart​, @kalamitykait, 

Complete Taglist: @ashwarren32, @spencerreid-mgg, @k-k0129, @eevee0722, @half-blood-dork, @kreid187, @jeremiah-b99, @random-human-person, @you-sunshine, @josiemay20, @coldlilheart, @spenxerslut, @dreamer-writer-fangirl, @jinxy175, @muffin-cup, @no-alarms-no-surprises-silence​, @calm-and-doctor​, @spencersmagic​,