#I WAS TOTALLY NUMB ABOUT IT UNTIL LIKE LITERALLY A FEW HOURS AGO

[lycotherapy]

Because this is my “feel good” blog to come to when I’m down. I want to say why I’m making it. A few months ago I was injured at work, nothing major, a pulled muscle or something I thought, and no paperwork was done on it as an industrial injury. Flash forward to a few hours later and I’m in the ER going in for my second MRI in an afternoon trying to find out what’s going on.

Because of a surgery almost exactly a year prior, I had no FMLA time left, so this absence wasn’t covered. Instead they got me with the ADA job protection. Because of this, my medical insurance was canceled. I was unaware, and HR never notified me or processed any paperwork to allow me to apply for COBRA like they are supposed to do in these cases. So I lost an entire month of treatment, and with it the window for surgery on my spine closed. So, on my short term disability where I brought home 66% of my normal income, I now had to add $872 a month for insurance. Factor in existing costs of living, doctors appointments with specialists, prescriptions etc, and I am living in the negative most of the time. The dogs are the priority, and I have been eating ramen, eggs and grilled cheese for literally months now because that’s about all I can afford.

Now I recently found out that my short term has run out, and it will no longer be able to be used, and once again HR never notified me just how long “short” actually was. I have long term disability coverage, but I’m not sure if I’ll qualify since I am off, and not covered under FMLA. Either way they never sent any of that information to me either. Now, I may be forced to return to work, a line of work where I can not be on narcotic pain pills, and my left leg is totally numb with shooting pains, and it feels like someone “nut checks” (sorry, it’s the best description) me every few minutes as the nerve does it’s thing and sends signals, leaving me nearly doubled over.

All of this could have been avoided if I would have just claimed it as an industrial injury. But it was so minor, I never dreamt I’d have been off this long, and had this many problems. I’ve never felt stress like I have other the past few months. I’m in the process of losing my house now, so it’s going to be listed for sale, pay off the remainder of the mortgage and I’ll move in with my parents at thirty, and be the “guy who’s thirty, single, and living with his parents.” My credit is now shot because of the no income and bills going past due, and losing a house will only hurt it more. It will be literally years before I will be able to qualify for another house, if ever at the prices they are going for now, let alone an apartment.

So yeah, my life went from pretty dang good, to absolute shit in the last year. I figured after I had given them fifteen years of service, I’d have at least been tossed a bone, but instead they have treated me like absolute shit. I kept my head above water until I got hurt, then it was like I was handed a lead weight, and I just sank to the bottom. I contemplated just ending it, why go on? It’ll take a decade or more to get back to where I was in January, and probably another one or two decades on top of that to get back to where I was this time last year. I figured it was over, and just better to pull the plug, but I was too big of a bitch to even do that with the pistol in my hand. Failing at giving up. Who would have thought that was a thing. So anyways, that’s where I’m at, if you’ve read this far, I don’t know what to say other than scroll on and I hope my blog makes you feel something at least.

[localrobosexual]

here’s a quick Jazz since Phil LaMarr’s gonna be at a local convention I’m going to this weekend and I’ll have the chance to meet him! :0 I’m hyyyyyppeeedd 🙌🙌

[themoonlitsojourner]

Chapter 3: Come back home

Gar thought Raven didn't care. And he couldn't fault her for it after what happened when HE wore his heart on his sleeve. But now she's here with him. And he can't believe just how wrong he was.

In the dark room, lit only by fairy lights and the stars on the ceiling, Tara and Gar danced. They swayed back and forth, shuffling their feet in a pattern neither of them quite knew. The way they were dancing wasn’t important, after all. They were content just to be together, no matter what they were doing.

“How’s this for a dance?” Gar grinned. “It’s not exactly prom, but-”

“It’s perfect,” Tara reassured him. With a sigh, she leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He smiled down at her, running his hand lightly through her silky blond hair. “It’s no big deal, really. I’d do a lot more for you.”

When Tara looked up at him, tears shone in her ocean blue eyes. Tears he hadn’t understood at the time, mistaking them for happiness instead of sorrow. For affection instead of the dread of what was to come.

Leaning forward, she kissed him, so softly and sweetly he knew he’d remember that night forever. But like all the others they shared, it wasn’t long before the memory turned bittersweet.

~~~

Gar wakes up slowly. Why rush to return to his empty room and the aching hole in his chest? To the endless rain pouring down both outside his window and in his head?

But this morning is different. Today he awakens to cool jeans under his cheek and a gentle hand resting on his shoulder.

Gar’s eyes flutter open. No, he’s not still dreaming. He’s definitely lying with his head in someone’s lap. And when he cranes his neck to look, he can’t quite believe his eyes.

It’s Raven, of all people, who sleeps propped against the wall, head bowed and hair falling in front of her face, her hand resting on his shoulder. Her lips part slightly as she exhales quietly.

How does she do that? How does she find peace and control, the two things that have eluded Gar all his life? Especially now, when his world has shattered on the ground. He can’t imagine what the inside of his skull must look like right now. He doesn’t need to be an empath to know he’s a mess.

And yet Raven stayed. She pulled the pain from him, despite the havok it must have caused in her mind and the crick she’s totally going to have in her neck when she wakes up. She kept her promise.

Maybe he shouldn’t be so shocked. Maybe he should have a little more faith in his teammate. But honestly… Gar’d always thought Raven didn’t like him. That she only tolerated his presence. It’s why he can’t quite wrap his mind around it now that her actions say differently.

She could have decided to wait out the storm, could have let him push her away like the rest of the Titans. But instead she went miles out of her way to meet him in the dark hole he dug for himself.

When Gar closes his eyes, he can picture how she pulled his grief into herself, face creased in concentration. He can picture the single tear that rolled down her cheek, the first time he’s ever seen her cry. She hurt herself to help him. Why, he has no clue. It’s crazy. He’s lying with his head in her lap, for goodness sake!

I’ve gotta be a real mess if she’s letting me get this close. It’s all he can think of, that he looks so torn apart that she’s taking pity on him. Whatever the reason, he’s grateful.

“Rae.” She doesn’t stir. “It’s morning, sleepy-head.” Gar can’t help smirking. “And I think this is the first time I’ve ever been awake before you.”

“It’ll probably be the last,” Raven mumbles, still half asleep but falling easily into the familiar pattern of their banter. She pulls away from the wall, straightens, and immediately winces. Yup. Crick in the neck. Blinking against the light from the window, her careful gaze scans Gar’s face. Searching for the cracks.

“Are you okay?”

The world roars back to life around Garfield, the pictures and memories he’s desperate to forget flooding in.

“No.” He closes his eyes.

Raven lifts her hand from his shoulder. A pang shoots through Gar’s chest. Time’s up. She’s going to leave now, but he really shouldn’t be surprised. He is surprised she stayed this long though, that she answered a request he had no right to make. What was he thinking, anyway, asking the team empath to keep his chaotic mind company?

Gar’s about to sit up and let her go, and he knows she’s thinking the same thing, when he senses her hesitate. And instead of pushing his head from her lap, she pushes his hair back from his face.

As her cool fingers brush his forehead, Gar means to hold still, to listen to the part of him that’s afraid moving will make her stop. But the other side of him is so much stronger. It’s the part that needs to be reassured and held no matter who’s giving it, the part that’s been touch-starved by the hours locked alone in his room.

So Gar forgets who’s reassuring him and curls into it, seeking out more touch, more comfort. He presses his forehead into Raven’s side, letting her crisp cold wash away the muggy heat of his room.

Until he realizes what he’s doing. Never, in a million years, would Raven let him get this close. He’s totally making her uncomfortable.

You screwed up, you screwed, now she’s definitely going to leave.

But Raven doesn’t push him away. She stiffens, yeah, and she hesitates. Then she continues to stroke his hair. Her movements are awkward and unpracticed (he knows this is way outside her comfort zone), but there’s genuine care behind them. Gar tries not to purr when her fingernails scratch against his scalp in a way all the animal in him likes.

But it only takes a few seconds for reality to set in. Gar can’t ignore it any longer. Raven might be willing to stay and keep him company, but she can’t.

She has to go meditate so she can recharge. She’s told the team over and over that it’s not optional, and despite her incredible mental strength, Gar can feel the strain seeping in. The struggle to keep her mind level and calm after last night’s onslaught of emotions reflects in the tight control of her movements. She has to leave, and he can’t ask her to come back. Not after how much she’s given of herself just to be here.

Not when he isn’t sure if he’s even worth the effort.

“You should probably go.” Gar rolls off her lap.

Raven watches him for a moment, surprise altering her neutral expression and lifting her eyebrows a fraction. Does she think he doesn’t know how much of a toll her powers take on her? Maybe not. He doesn’t exactly act like he’s paying attention most of the time.

Raven’s mask falls back into place and she nods, rising from the bed. Gar looks away as she walks toward the door, unable to watch her go but too scared to admit he doesn’t want to be alone. Too ashamed to ask her to send Vic in. He’d never look at Gar the same way after seeing him like this.

Garfield hears the door swing open, but it doesn’t shut. He glances over to see Raven standing with her hand on the doorknob and studying him. Her eyes soften when he meets them, just the smallest bit.

“You’re not alone, Gar.”

Then she’s gone.

Gar stares at the closed door. You’re not alone. Just like he told her so long ago, back when they were still kids. Before their lives got so complicated and tragic.

What did he know then?

~~~

Garfield stays in his room all day. Despite the stubborn pessimist that she is, Raven hoped he’d reach out if given a little more time and space. That he would let his friends and teammates help instead of locking them out.

Apparently, she should have stuck with pessimism.

Raven has been reading the same line over and over when Victor flops onto the other end of the couch. She doesn’t need to ask where he was.

“This won’t last forever.” She lowers her book to give Victor her best attempt at an encouraging and understanding expression. “He’ll come around.”

Vic doesn’t even look at her. The frustration in his voice isn’t quite able to mask the pain. “You sure?”

Raven doesn’t have an answer.

~~~

It’s not her place and maybe it won’t change anything, but by the time night falls she can’t stand by any longer. If he won’t come out, then she’ll come to him.

Raven steps into Garfield’s room, edging around the pile of dirty laundry. “Victor misses you.”

They all do.

He’s lying in the same position as last time, on his side with his back to the door. Watching the rain that never seems to end. “I think I’ve figured it out.”

Though he can’t see her do it, Raven lifts an eyebrow. “Figured what out?”

“Why you like to be alone. Why you like the quiet. It numbs the pain doesn’t it? Calms the storm inside.” He crosses his arms and pulls his knees to his chest. “It makes it easier not to care. It’s safer that way, isn’t it?

Raven’s skin goes cold. But this time, it’s not because of her powers. It’s fear for Garfield and the way he’s talking. “This isn’t about me. And everything you just said? That’s not you.”

Gar rolls onto his back, cloudy eyes drifting to her face. “I just wanted to say I get it now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”

This is not a time to freeze up, or wonder why in the world Gar chose to talk to the one person in the tower who is least equipped to help him. This is not a time to wish she’d learned something other than control and magic from Azar, such as how to interact properly with others. No, this is a time for action. To do something, to say something to help her friend. And maybe it won’t help. But Victor’s words echo in her mind.

Will it hurt?

Gar blinks, jaw falling open as Raven kneels beside the bed and lays her head on her arms, tilting it sideways so that she can meet his wide green eyes from the same angle. She needs to be on his level. See things from his perspective, both literally and figuratively.

“Quiet keeps the pain from getting worse. Solitude protects others from the storm.” She shakes her head. “But neither makes it better.”

~~~

Gar has never been this close to Raven before. Even when his head was in her lap she was still “up there,” her face a good two feet away from his. There’s always been a distance between them, both physically and emotionally, one that he could never figure out how to cross.

But now they’re equal, literally seeing eye to eye. Maybe that’s why Gar finds traces of... of feeling on the face he’s always thought battled Cinderblock’s for the title of stoniest. Or maybe the traces were always there. Maybe he just didn’t understand them until now. That’s true of a lot of things, actually.

He never thought of Raven’s distance as protection, both for herself and for her friends. But betrayal and loss really change a guy’s perspective on the world. So does a walk in his teammate’s shadowy shoes and even darker mind. Not that he’d ever tell her he could feel her emotions just as well as she could his when she used her powers to lessen the pain. She’d be mortified.

“I know it’s the last thing you want right now.”

Garfield’s attention flicks back to Rae, noticing the lavender color of her eyes as she speaks.

“But come downstairs. Please.” She drops her gaze, almost… embarrassed?

“Your friends miss you. They need you.”

Need… him? Gar can’t recall anyone ever saying they needed him. During a mission, sure, “Beast Boy, we need you to turn into a dinosaur,” but that’s Beast Boy. No one has ever needed Garfield.

He lowers his ears. “You need me?”

“Yes. We’re not a team without you.”

We. She’s saying we now. And he thought she’d prefer the team without him. Guess I was wrong about a lot of things.

Raven’s voice drops, and Gar knows what she’s about to tell him is important.

“What you said before, about not caring… I’m not supposed to care. It was the one rule I made when I joined the Titans, to protect myself and the others.” She tenses her jaw. “If I didn’t care, there would be fewer emotions to keep under control. And it wouldn’t hurt when the team told me to leave after they found out what I really was.”

As if we’d ever let you leave.

“Yeah. I understand that now.” Gar swallows past the lump in his throat. “It’s pretty smart, even though we’d never do that to you.” If I hadn’t cared about Tara, then I wouldn’t be hurting like this. My heart wouldn’t be shattered on the ground.

“No.” Raven shakes her head, frustration seeping into her voice. “No, it isn’t. That’s not what I’m saying.”

Gar scrunches up his nose, baffled, and she sighs.

“I’m not explaining this right. Garfield…” Her expression softens, and the mask falls away from her face. Completely and entirely. And for the first time, Garfield sees Raven, really sees her. No walls. No sarcasm or deflection. Just Raven, real and complete.

“I do care,” she confesses. “About you, Koriand’r, Victor, and Richard.” She looks away. “I care a lot. When it comes to the team, I’ve found it’s impossible not to.” Her brow furrows. “That means I’m going to get hurt someday, one way or the other. Something terrible will happen, or someone will walk away from the team, and I’ll feel like the world is ending.”

Just like I do right now.

“But it’s a price I’m willing to pay for my friendships.”

Raven pauses. Then she speaks slowly, as if realizing how she truly feels for the first time. “They’re worth it.”

Garfield’s mind whirls, set afloat in a strange new dimension where Raven makes eloquent speeches and shares heartfelt secrets. Where she cares about even him.

“You don’t hate me.” To Gar’s complete embarrassment, his voice cracks and the waterworks start. “I-I really thought-”

Raven’s eyes widen in complete horror. “Hate you? No! You… actually thought that?”

“You told…” Gar can’t say her name, images of blood soaked bandages flashing before his eyes. His hands tremble as he clears his throat and forces himself to continue. “Y-you said you used to.”

Raven falls silent. He can almost see her working through her thoughts. He had no idea how much went on behind her blank expression.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. Sometimes I’ve been annoyed or irritated by you, especially during the first year. But I’ve never hated you.” She blinks and glances away. “It’s, um… kind of impossible, actually.”

For a moment, Gar forgets that Raven is Queen of No-Hugs and throws his arms around her neck. But this alternate dimension just gets stranger when she awkwardly pats him on the back in return.

Outside, the skies open up with a loud crash as the storm that the constant rain’s been threatening to bring all week finally breaks. Raindrops pound against the window in a steady rhythm while low thunder rumbles in the background. It sounds good. It feels like a release.

“I’m not going to lie.”

Gar lets go and pulls back, watching Raven’s face as she exhales.

“It will be hard at first. You’ll feel like you’re faking it every time you do something that makes you happy. But the joy will come back.”

“How do you know?” I want to hope, Rae. I want to so badly.

“Because you’re Gar.” She says it with finality, like that’s her whole answer. No hard logic or practical attempts to convince him. Just faith that he’ll come out alright because of who he is. Faith in him. “You’re stronger than you know.”

“Okay.” Garfield watches relief flood her eyes. She… she really was worried about him. “I’ll try.”

Five minutes later, Gar slips into the living room behind Raven, feeling oddly shy and self-conscious in his own home. But that only lasts the few seconds it takes for Kori to spot him.

“Garfield!” She flies straight at him like a rocket, stopping only inches short of running into him. Her eyes shine with unshed tears and she stretches out her arms. “May I give you a hug, please?”

“Why not?” Gar shrugs, blinking to hide his own tears. For once, he doesn’t mind how bone-crushing all Starfire’s hugs are. It’s never felt so good to have someone so happy to see him again. He’s never missed his friends this much.

The sound of Kori’s excitement brings Victor rushing in, Dick close at his heels.

A relieved grin splits the cyborg’s face. “BB,” he says quietly, holding out his fist. His soft brown eyes search Garfield’s face, still lined with concern.

With a start, Gar realizes how much he scared him.

“Cy.” He taps Vic’s fist with his own. “I’m… I’m sorry, dude.”

Stepping forward, Vic wraps him in a bear hug. “Man, don’t you dare apologize.” Is that… a sniffle Gar hears? “I’ve missed you, buddy.”

“Yeah,” Gar whispers into his best friend’s sweatshirt. “Me too, bro.”

After Vic releases Gar, Dick steps forward and wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into a brief but sincere hug. “Good to have you back, Gar. Whatever you need, just ask. We’re behind you no matter what.”

Gar’s heart still throbs. The pain is still there. He has a feeling it will be for a long time. But as his gaze drifts from friend to friend, from teammate to teammate, he knows he’ll be okay.

His eyes land on Raven. The slightest corner of her mouth turns up and she nods, reminding him that he’s not alone. He never has been.

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2)

(Previous fic in series: Slow dancing in the Darkness)

(Next fic in series: The Sound of the Sword)

[honey-dewey]

Soulmate Imagines

Another short not drabbles but not full stories either! I was completely inspired by a post made by @absurdthirst and really really wanted to write the boys in these scenarios! So I completely ignored both of my active WIPS and wrote this instead. Oops? Enjoy these long and indulgent soulmate imagines!

Total Word Count: 5,179

Permanent Taglist: @phoenixhalliwell @star-wars-hell

Din Djarin:

Soul Tattoo AU

“Shit!”

You hummed, turning your head over, vision fuzzy. Din was rushing around the Crest, and you could see red painting his beskar. Was he hurt? You tried to stand, and then it hit you. Oh. You were hurt.

“Din,” you rasped out, blinking as his fuzzy image came into more clarity.

Din looked at you, helmet trained on your face. “Cyar’ika,” he said, taking your cold hands. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got run over by a herd of Banthas,” you said, shifting and wincing. “What happened?”

“Bomb,” Din explained, gesturing to your torso, where you were wearing a thin robe and nothing else. “Hit your side. Patched you up best I could.”

You nodded, swallowing thickly. “Did it scar?”

Din hesitated. “Some of it will. Nothing on your back though.”

Relief flooded you. You had no idea why you were so worried about your soul tattoo, but you were. The beautiful star map to Aq Ventina spanned your entire back, from shoulders to tailbone, the sides creeping over your waist. You’d done research about Aq Ventina years ago, when the curiosity had finally peaked. You’d read up on the history and knew that it no longer existed, decimated by a droid attack decades before you’d even known it existed.

“It’s a beautiful tattoo,” Din said softly, out of nowhere.

“Thank you,” you said, looking at his helmet. “It’s my soul tattoo.”

Din nodded. “I figured.”

And that was the last it was spoken of for almost five months. The next time it was relevant was during a two day long bounty hunt, when Din left to shower and you sat in your shared inn room, cooing at Grogu.

The shower water turned off, and you heard Din drying off. Then he called your name.

“Yeah?”

“Come here.”

Worried, you stood and headed to the bathroom. “Din?”

“Come here.” His voice bordered on urgent, and you immediately shoved the door open.

You were met with Din, completely shirtless yet still wearing the helmet, in the bathroom, no urgent problem in sight. However, instead of being mad, you were focused entirely on the tattoo that spread across Din’s back.

It was identical to yours.

“Din?” Your voice was tiny, so apprehensive.

He sighed, looking at you and taking your hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier,” he said. “But Aq Ventina was my home, so you have to understand that it was odd and a bit painful seeing the star map on your back.”

You nodded. “We’re soulmates,” you breathed. “I didn’t even know you had a soul tattoo.”

Din chuckled. “It’s not like I expose much skin,” he reasoned.

That drew a laugh out of you. “Yeah. But still.” Your fingers danced over the exposed edge of the star map that crept over Din’s side. “Soulmates.”

Din nodded, resting his forehead against your head. “Soulmates,” he agreed. “But only if you’ll have me.”

You smiled. “As if I could ever say no.”

Marcus Moreno:

Color Soulmate AU

To say you were stressed was an understatement. A huge project for Heroics was cradled in your arms, all sorts of papers and binders and information you were carrying to the filing room to be sorted. The stack was tall, which was probably why you didn’t see your boss until you ran directly into him.

“Fuck!” You shouted as you fell on your back, folders going everywhere. Marcus Moreno, your boss, was toppled next to you, also swearing.

“I am so sorry!” You said hurriedly, scrambling to gather the papers, eyes focused on your task. “I really should’ve looked where I was going and-“ you looked up, shock killing your words.

Marcus’s eyes were brown. Very very brown.

You gasped, your task entirely forgotten. “Oh.”

Marcus was staring at you with just as much shock as you were staring at him with. “Oh,” he echoed.

Your fragile moment was shattered by the click of heels and another employee coming over to check on you, her voice frantic.

“We’re fine,” Marcus reassured, standing and dusting himself off. Without saying anything else, he walked quickly away.

Once all the files were secure, you headed back to your desk and pulled out a small box of crayons. You’d never seen color, not ever, so this would be interesting. At least it would be if your hands would stop shaking.

One of your coworkers, Matt, came up to you as you used a teal crayon, marveling at the color. “Oh? You met your soulmate?”

You nodded, looking up and noticing the vibrant purple color to Matt’s tie. “Yeah. Bumped into him in the hall. Literally.”

Matt grinned. “Who is it?”

You cringed, the embarrassment setting in. “Mr. Moreno.”

“Mr. Moreno?” Matt practically yelled. “He’s our boss!”

“Yeah, I know!” You retaliated, checking your clock and scrambling up. “Fuck! I gotta go, that huge meeting is in ten.”

Matt smiled. “Good luck!”

Despite Matt’s wishes, you were fairly certain the presentation was a disaster. Marcus was missing, which was odd, and you ended up tripping over your words and getting a huge migraine halfway through the presentation. After sheepishly explaining the scenario, you were told to go home and adjust, you could redo the presentation tomorrow.

Of course, tomorrow was just as bad. Marcus was actually present, wearing a yellow tie that kept distracting you and forcing your words out in a jumble.

After the train wreck of a presentation, you decided this was a situation that called for a large hot chocolate. Getting one and settling in the cafeteria, you sighed, swirling your drink with a spoon. You were a certifiable mess.

The creaking of the chair brought your attention back to planet earth, and you looked up, nearly choking on your spit. “Mr. Moreno!”

“Please, I think we should be on a first name basis,” Marcus said. “So.”

“So.”

Marcus tapped the table. “I’m sorry I ran off yesterday. I just, well, I haven’t seen color since my- Since Clara died.”

You nodded. “I understand if you don’t want this,” you murmured, looking back down at your drink. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Marcus asked. “No! I’m, well, a little excited.”

That shocked you. “Excited?”

“Yeah.” Marcus nodded. “Excited. Missy’s over the moon, of course.”

You grinned. “Thanks. Sorry I’m so nervous. I’ve never seen any of this before.”

“Really?” Marcus said. “Oh I definitely know what we’re doing first.”

“What?”

Marcus smiled, taking your hands. “You’re going to love sunsets.”

Max Phillips:

Black Mark Soulmate AU 

“Oh no.”

You stared at your boss with nothing short of mild fear. Max fucking Phillips. There was no goddamn way. You’d known him very briefly in college, but this, this was unexpected.

He smiled at the employees, shaking hands as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

As if his right palm wasn’t the color of fresh stained ink.

He walked up to you, holding out his ink stained hand. You were hesitant to accept. After all, your right hand was equally black. But handshakes were common, very common among soulmate meets. Max Phillips was not your soulmate.

You were able to tell yourself that until the moment your hands touched, the blackness turning into a beautiful swirl of bright colors.

Max’s eyes widened as he looked at you. “Your hand.”

“Yours too,” you said, letting go of Max’s hand and letting him examine the watercolor of reds and purples that spread across his skin.

Max took a nervous breath. “No. Something must be wrong.”

You were shocked. “Max. Is it really that bad?”

“You don’t understand!” Max snapped, scaring you a tiny bit. He leaned closer, so you could see the devilish gleam in his eyes. “I have no soul.”

Your blood chilled as you saw the overly sharp teeth and the hint of red behind the deep brown in Max’s eyes. “Max.”

But he was gone, disappeared from right in front of you. Blinking a few times, you turned to your computer, determined to uncover the truth about your mysterious boss and the still tingling rainbow of colors on your palm.

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:

Countdown Soulmate AU

The countdown timer was surprisingly unnerving.

Actually, was it really that surprising? It was counting down to the most important day pretty much ever. Yours had always had years and years, much longer than any of your friends, but you didn’t mind. That was just more time to prepare.

Of course, when you woke up one day to find that the timer that had read seven months suddenly read twelve hours, you freaked the hell out. Taking deep breaths, you calmed yourself and got dressed, texting your best friend and asking him when he wanted you over for movie night. He responded with eight, and promised that you’d love his friends.

With one last deep breath and a glance around your apartment, you left for the day.

And ended up with a popped tire on the side of the road ten minutes before eight.

Screaming your frustration into the night darkened woods and frightening some poor birds, you sighed and called roadside service. An hour, at least, before they could get to you.

Your next call went to Benny, who you apologized to and told him you’d make it up to him.

Your final call was to no one. You simply sat back in your car and waited for roadside service while you tapped away at some mind numbing game you’d downloaded on a whim.

Headlights were visible in the distance not even ten minutes later, which shocked you and then worried you. Who the hell was out on this road this late at night? Were you about to be murdered? Who would find your body? Would Benny still hold true to his promise and wear a lime green tutu to your funeral?

The car stopped when it saw you, and your anxiety skyrocketed. You quickly texted Benny one last time and locked your car.

“Hey!” A few sharp knocks and a face in the window. “Do you need help?”

You were trembling, trying to keep a brave face. “Tire popped.”

“Oh.” The voice sounded genuinely worried. “That sucks. Where are you headed?”

“A friend’s house.”

“Did you call roadside?”

“An hour.”

“Oof. Hungry?”

“What?” You looked over, seeing the dimly lit silhouette of a man holding up what was probably a granola bar. “Yeah actually, I am.”

The man’s cheeks lit up, and you assumed he was smiling. “Well you’re gonna have to open up if you want it.”

You hesitantly cracked the door and watched the man step back. The car lights illuminated him fully, revealing a very attractive man holding a slightly squished granola bar.

Turning in the seat so that your legs were hanging out the car, you took the offered food, smiling as you ate. “Lord this is good! Thank you!”

The man shrugged. “No problem. I’m Frankie.”

You mumbled your name around the granola bar, and then froze as your wrist burned warm and then cold, a clattering alerting you to the fact that your timer had fallen off.

And from the look on Frankie’s face, so had his.

He looked back up at you, seemingly nervous. “So can I get in the car now? I promise I’m not a creep.”

You nodded, still slightly shocked as Frankie got into your car, sitting in the passenger seat. It was silent for a minute before you spoke. “So. Soulmates.”

“Soulmates,” Frankie agreed. “I’m glad I shared that granola bar with you.”

Your phone pinged, and you swore softly, answering Benny’s text and then rereading it. “Do you, by any chance, know a Benny Miller?”

“Yeah,” Frankie said. “I was headed to his place when I saw you.”

“Me too.” You showed him the text, which read ‘Dude! Be careful! My buddy Frankie’s coming along, so if you get attacked, he’ll totally protect you. Also, totally not wearing that tutu because you’re not dying first.’

Frankie smiled. “You’re in on the tutu thing too?”

You laughed. “Oh god! Not you too!”

“Yeah!” Frankie said, laughing along with you. “Benny totally already has it, y’know.”

You sighed. “Damn. That’s wild.”

The hour until roadside service arrived was filled with stories and bonding. After your car was towed, you got in Frankie’s truck and headed to Benny’s, arm in arm.

“Hey, Frankie found the murder victim!” Benny said happily, opening the door. “Oh shit, dudes I was starting to get worried about you.”

Frankie shook his head. “Actually, it couldn’t have played out better.”

Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels:

First Words Soulmate AU

You sighed, taking a breath. Today you were meeting your baby brother’s coworkers at a work party. It wasn’t supposed to be so damn nerve wracking, but your stomach was a ball of anxiety. “Danny, are you sure about this?”

Danny, or as he was better known at work, Tequila, nodded. “Hell yeah, it’ll be fun.”

You tugged your bracelet, trying to cover the words winding across your wrist.

What’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?

The Statesman Fourth of July party was apparently a big deal. There were sure as hell a lot of people. You stuck by Danny’s side, smiling at his coworkers and eventually sitting with a woman named Ginger. She was nice, and when Danny wandered off to flirt with someone, she stayed with you, giving you names to attach to faces.

“Oh, and that’s Jack,” she said, pointing to someone talking to Champ. “One of the longest lasting agents we have.”

You eyed Jack. He was handsome, especially with that cowboy hat. He must’ve noticed your staring, because he wandered over and sat down at the table.

“So, what’s a pretty little thing like you doing in a place like this?”

You took a breath, gripping the hem of your shorts and trying to think without looking awkward. A thousand responses rushed through your head, and you finally picked one you hoped wasn’t weird. “I dunno cowboy, why do you ask?”

Jack recoiled as if he’d just had ice water poured on his head. Ginger stood, shocked as Jack ran away. “What just happened?”

You were nearly speechless, tears starting to well up. “I think my soulmate just ran away from me.”

After a good long crying session in which you sobbed openly into Danny’s jacket and he vowed to absolutely murder Jack, Ginger gently explained Jack’s past with his previous soulmate. Which sent you into another round of crying and made Danny even more pissed.

He ended up taking you home early to watch shitty movies and eat tons of ice cream, comforting you as you numbly ate half a pint of Ben and Jerry’s on the couch.

When he left for work the next day, you made him swear not to hurt Jack.

You got a call from Ginger two hours later telling you to come pick Danny up.

Marching into Statesman again, you found Ginger at the entrance, lips pressed tight. She led you to the infirmary, where Danny was proudly sporting a black eye and a split lip. Jack was laying in a bed next to him, pressing ice to his cheek.

“Control your fucking brother!” He yelled as soon as he saw you, sitting up in the bed. “He nearly killed me!”

“Oh shut the fuck up!” You snapped back. “You best be glad I’m not petty, or else I’d have let him kill you.”

Jack was, wisely, silent as you helped Danny up and out of the building. Danny was also silent, but was definitely smug about it.

“Y’know I totally won that fight,” he said as you exited the building.

You sighed. “Sure. Whatever. Let’s go home.”

The next day, you got a call from an unknown number.

“This is Jack,” the voice on the other end said when you picked up. “I’m calling to apologize for beating your brother up.”

“Apparently he won the fight.”

Jack snorted. “Sure he did. Look, I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

A pause. “Cool. See you around.”

“Yeah. See you.”

He hung up first, leaving you with a dead hole in your chest. When you would see that cowboy again, you didn’t know, but when you did, oh boy was he in for it from you.

Ezra:

Pain Sharing Soulmate AU

You were screaming.

Well, screaming may not have been the word to describe the feeling. No, the agony in your right arm was numbing pain, the kind of pain that brought out animalistic noises and made spots dance across your vision. You writhed on the floor, clutching your upper arm and begging someone, anyone, to make the pain stop. A few nurses you worked with tried to dose you with painkillers, but nothing could touch soulmate pain.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the pain began to fade. You’d had some aches in that arm after a stab that was really painful and you’d assumed some kind of injury that your soulmate had sustained was being treated. But that, that harsh, indescribable pain that had you sweating and panting on the floor with your head spinning, you had no explanation for that.

After that, the nurses set you up in the break room with fluids and a light snack. Your right arm still hurt like hell, but it was manageable now. As time passed, the pain passed, until it was no more than a dull ache once more, with some odd numbness that lingered in your fingertips.

Of course, on the day you decided to try working for a few hours, your soulmate went and got himself fatally injured again.

Gasping and falling sideways, you gritted your teeth through a scream as your gut lit on fire, as if someone had driven a knife into your belly. It was the second time in three days that your soulmate had put you through this. What the hell was he doing?

Yet again, you were put in a room to wait out the pain, probably scaring patients with your sobs and pleads for any merciful god to put you out of your misery. This pain refused to fade, and you completely missed the wail of emergency sirens as a new patient in critical condition arrived.

Eventually, finally, the pain forced you unconscious.

You woke a few days later, breathing deeply as you realized you weren’t in any pain. The faint voice of a doctor met your ears as you slowly regained your senses.

“We’re all shocked they survived. With pain like that, I surely wouldn’t have been as strong as they were. First it was their arm, and then their stomach. We still don’t really know what happened.”

The doctor turned to you, and smiled when he noticed your open eyes. “Finally, you’re awake. We have someone who wants to talk to you.”

You grumbled, trying to string together the past few days. “What?”

The doctor gestured to a man sitting in the other bed in the room. “This is Ezra, our critical patient from a few days ago.”

“I was too busy being stabbed in the stomach to notice any crit patients,” you pointed out.

“Yes, well,” the doctor said with a smile. “He may have some answers for you.”

You sat up, rubbing your aching head and facing the other man in the room.

He looked like hell, face sunken and shining with post injury sweat. You reasoned that you probably didn’t look much better. But the interesting thing about the man was his bandage wrapped right arm. Or more accurately, his lack of an arm that was wrapped in bandages.

“Hi Ezra,” you said slowly, rubbing your temples. “Is this my headache or yours?”

Ezra chuckled. “I think it’s yours,” he said. “I can’t feel any of my own pain right now.”

You sighed. “Doc, can I get some painkillers? I got a headache.”

The doctor nodded, grabbing a few pills, but you shook your head. “The good shit, please.”

Smiling, the doctor picked up a syringe and lifted your left arm, considering your right still felt a bit numb. “Countdown?”

“Nah.”

The doctor gave you the painkillers, and you watched Ezra wince at the pinch from the needle as it hit your skin. Laying back as the painkillers took effect, you sighed, looking at Ezra. “I’d love to stay and chat,” you murmured sleepily. “But this stuff works fast.”  

Ezra smiled. “Don’t worry songbird,” he said. “I’ll be here when you wake.”

Javier Peña:

Soulmate’s Name on Wrist AU

“Get up! New client!”

You groaned, adjusting your top and trotting into the hall, standing with the group of women waving and giggling at the new client. He looked up at your group, a light grin on his face.

“He’s cute,” you said to the woman next to you.

She nodded. “He’s a regular at places like this,” she said. “Says his name’s Javier.”

You froze, the small name tattooed on the inside of your wrist practically burning. “Javier? He got a last name?”

“Not that he’ll share.”

In the end, you were Javier’s lucky victim, mostly because when he asked your name and you responded, his watch-covered wrist twitched. So he was your soulmate. Or at least you were his. He showed you bliss, paid you handsomely, and left without a word but with a spark.

Two weeks later, you ran into him again. You’d been in touch with a man at the US embassy about cartel stuff, mostly that the cartels had been reaching out to people like you and you wanted to stay safe, and the man had invited you to come over and give a statement. You were hesitant, of course, but the man looked kind enough, and the other employees knew him well enough that you felt secure.

“This is my partner, agent Peña,” the man said as he gestured you into a room. “But,” he said slowly, eyeing the bare name on your wrist. “I think you knew that already.”

“I did.”

Javier took a breath. “Can we get this done with?” He said, trying to sound annoyed but only succeeding at stressed.

Your statement was quiet and precise, and before you knew it, Javier was walking you out.

“Javier,” you tried.

“Don’t,” Javier growled. “Just go, forget you ever met me.”

“I can’t!” You all but yelled, grabbing his wrist so he couldn’t walk off. “I’ve been wearing your name since the day I was born, you think I can just forget all of that?”

Javier was quiet. “You think I want a soulmate?” He asked quietly, and you froze.

“I’m sorry?”

“No!” Javier growled, shaking his head. “I mean, fuck. This job, if they find out you’re connected to me, they’ll kill you.”

Your blood went cold, but you kept your composure. “Hate to break it to you,” you said, shoving Javier’s sleeve up and exposing your name written on his wrist. “But we’re already connected.”

From that day forward, you were under protection. You quit your job, moved reluctantly to an apartment that was secured by the embassy, and barely left the brand new apartment for anything. The war on drugs dragged on, and every so often, Javier would shuffle across the hall and find solace in your arms, always leaving before dawn.

One night, after a particularly hard day, you and him were tangled together on the couch, name wrists pressed against each other. Your skin burned and prickled at the intimate contact, but Javier was so lost he didn’t even notice.

“Javi?”

“Hm?”

You smoothed through his hair. “Will we ever be safe enough to be soulmates?”

Javier was quiet. “I don’t know.”

You sighed. “One day, I hope we will.”

Another long silence, and then Javier spoke up. “Me too.”

That morning, you woke up in his arms instead of in an empty bed, wondering exactly how life would shake out now that you had fallen in love with your soulmate.

Maxwell Lord:

Dream Sharing Soulmate AU

“I’m going to cry,” you groaned, pressing your head to the table. “He hasn’t slept in days.”

Your coworker, Ellie, sighed. “Hon, you just gotta keep trying. Go home, rest up. Get some sleep.”

You stood. Ellie was right. Just because Max wasn’t sleeping didn’t mean you had to punish yourself. You’d been going rounds with him for months, and it was really starting to weigh on your own sleep schedule. All you needed, all you wanted was to go home and sleep for days to correct your broken internal clock.

Your apartment was cold when you got back, and you quickly fiddled with the thermostat before stripping and falling into bed, cuddling up with the blankets and falling asleep almost immediately.

Just as with every night your soulmate didn’t sleep, you didn’t have a soul dream. Instead, you had your regular dreams, all nonsensical and silly. You woke up at one point to eat before falling back into bed, still exhausted.

This time, your dreams were different. You were in a soul dream, which meant he was finally sleeping.

“Max!”

No response as you ran around the elementary school, but you quickly skidded to a stop, seeing bullies mock a young boy for his lunch. That was your Max as a child, and you immediately rushed to his aide.

“Max.”

The real Max, the one who was asleep right now, looked at you with worry, finally tearing his eyes off the bullies. “You.”

“Me,” you said softly. “You need more sleep.”

Max shrugged. You knew who he was, after all, who didn’t? But the suave businessman you knew on TV was very different from the scared man you knew from your dreams. “Wasn’t tired.”

“For three days?” You asked. “Max, that isn’t healthy.” You felt a tug on your gut, a signal that your dream was starting. “C’mon.” You held a hand out, offering Max a reprieve. “My dreams are kind.”

He accepted, taking your hand as you led him to your dreams. In your subconscious reality, you were a child again, laughing and ice skating with your parents.

“Can you skate?” You asked Max, still holding his hand. He shook his head.

You smiled. “That’s okay, you can learn.” You snapped your fingers and skates appeared on both of your feet. “C’mon!”

Turned out, Max was an abysmal skater, but he was laughing by the time your bodies were ready to wake up.

“I don’t wanna go,” he admitted, and you grinned, squeezing his hands tight. “Can we do this again?”

“Tomorrow night,” you promised. “I’ll find you.”

For almost a month, you rescued Max from embarrassing or painful dreams, taking him to your more comforting dreams. Occasionally, he’d do the opposite for you when you had a nightmare, but you mostly spent the nights in your dreams, watching fireworks or going swimming. His darkest secrets were no longer secret, and he trusted you with everything.

“Y’know,” he said softly as you and him watched a Fourth of July fireworks show from when you were seven. “We could do this in real life.”

“We could,” you murmured, leaning closer to him. “The fourth is, what, next week? Doesn’t DC do a beautiful fireworks show?”

Max nodded. “We could make our first shared memory.”

You smiled. “We could,” you agreed. “We will. I’m not too far from DC, I can totally drive down on the fourth. I’ll pick you up from work, how’s that sound?”

“Sounds perfect,” Max murmured softly. “Dreamlike even.”

You laughed. “Dork.”

“Hey, you fell in love with me!”

“Yeah,” you said, looking at Max’s firework illuminated face. “I did.”

Pero Tovar:

Color Soulmate AU 

You pressed the leaf between your fingers, trying to gauge how sick the plant was. The grey color didn’t worry you, because you were fairly certain it was still green. “It just needs more water,” you determined, standing and brushing yourself off. “Try watering these plants daily instead of every other.”

The woman you were helping nodded, and you smiled at her as you walked back to your own garden. Rolling your sleeves up, you got to work tending to your plants.

It was hours before you looked up, alerted by the sound of hooves on the ground. A mysterious man was sitting atop a horse, his hair long and greasy, his face creased from what you imagined was a grueling ride. He jumped off the horse and stumbled in your direction, leaning against the fence. You stood, abandoning the plants in favor of helping the man.

He shook off your help, but stopped the second his hand connected with yours and both your worlds exploded with color.

You stumbled back, the sudden colors shocking you as the man reeled from you, his sun battered face full of shock.

“I’m sorry!” You said quickly, steadying yourself and reaching out to the man. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” the man said firmly, right before he passed out.

Two days later, the man woke up, his partner by his side. The blond man had showed up yesterday, introducing himself as William and the mystery man as Pero Tovar.

Pero looked around, nervous as he saw you in the corner, slowly and methodically mending his shirt. “William, quien es este.”

William shrugged. “I don’t know. Not a nurse, from what I can tell.”

“Diles que se vayan.”

“I’m not leaving,” you said, without looking up. “And please continue to talk about me in a language you assume I don’t understand.”

Pero blinked a few times. “You’re smart.”

“I pick up on languages fast,” you said, setting down the mended shirt. “Who are you, Pero Tovar?”

William looked between you two before finally speaking up. “Should I leave?”

“Please,” you said.

William left, and you crossed your legs. “So, who are you?”

“No one you should know,” Pero growled, getting up and grabbing his shirt. “Just forget you ever met me. You have your colors, go live a happy life.”

You frantically tried to keep him in the village, but he left with William as soon as the local medic deemed him okay.

For the next week, you slowly learned colors, finding your favorites with much trial and error. Some of the village women who had lost their soulmates in battles consoled you as you grieved for a man you barely knew, a man who had given you a universe of change and then left as if it had been nothing.

Almost exactly one week later, the sound of hooves rang out again, and this time, you didn’t look up from your gardening. At least, not until the visitor entered your garden, standing in front of your vegetables.

You looked up at him, taking in a much neater and more groomed Pero. He seemed nervous, shuffling from foot to foot.

Standing, you raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”

Pero nodded, handing you his dagger.

You took the weapon. “What’s this?”

“In my culture,” Pero began. “When a man is ready to settle with his soulmate, he must give them his most prized weapon as a way of showing he is ready to stop fighting and raise a family.”

The dagger gleamed in the sunlight, and you smiled. “Well then, I guess I should make dinner for two, shouldn’t I?”

Pero grinned. “Yes, that would be nice. I’m hungry.”

[ironmandeficiency]

internal bleeding

pairing: kix / mechanic!reader

word count: 2425

summary: work can be dangerous, even for someone who barely leaves the star cruiser.

a/n: i’m hitting three birds with one stone with this one!! not only is this shitpost prompt #1 AND a separate request i got a few days ago, but the 14th was my bestie @morganas-pendragons​ ‘s birthday!! have a little kix, kayla, as a late bday treat

warnings: getting kinda crushed by a ship, fives being a dumbass

the guys had just arrived back on board the resolute from what you heard was an almost too easy campaign. despite the lower than normal admittances to the medbay, there were still plenty of ships to tend to with varying amounts of damage.

your normal drill on days like this one was to work like hell until kix was relieved of duty for the night, then go with him to his bunk and let the both of you sleep out your exhaustion in the comfort of each other’s arms. the next morning before you were both summoned to your duties would be spent catching up on each other, letting the worries melt away as you chatted about everything and nothing all at once. it was a system that you both adopted soon after you started dating, one that you were extremely grateful for.

it was nights like that where you were able to see your boyfriend vulnerable in a way he couldn’t show often. if the campaign was more rough than usual, then you were able to hold him and remind him just how wonderful of a man he is. you hated to see him hurting but took comfort in the fact you were always able to bring him back to you, back to his brothers.

thoughts of laying in kix’s loving arms keep you blissfully distracted during the later hours, when the rest of your fellow mechanics had already retreated to the bunks for the night. others thought your late hours spent under various ships were because of your dedication to the cause, but they didn’t know about you and kix. you worked hard so your medic was safe, so his brothers were safe.

those reasons were what had you under general skywalker’s delta-7b aethersprite at some unholy hour of the night. your reputation preceded you, and after some good words put in by torrent company, you were able to become the only person besides general skywalker himself allowed to make repairs on it.

it was a strenuous job sure, what with how the jedi knight wore down his ships, but you enjoyed your work and felt honored to be respected at such a high level.

that is, you enjoyed it when the jacks holding the ship up weren’t breaking while you under the damned thing. you heard the telltale creaking of the jacks while your entire body was on the ground below it. you were never more grateful that chet had convinced you to use one of the rollers.

with all the speed your half-conscious body could muster, you walked your feet forward as fast as you could from under the delta and thought you were home free, but then an excruciating pain erupted in your left arm. the ship was on top of the limb and the weight was no pain you’d ever felt in your life. you were certain your scream should have gotten somebody’s attention, but it seems that you’re all alone.

your comm was, unfortunately, on the wrist of your crushed arm and on the off chance that it wasn’t busted beyond repair, you couldn’t communicate with the thing regardless because the buttons were out of reach.

maybe if the surveillance team would see you eventually but you doubted it. there was no way in the galaxy you were going to let yourself be bested by a damn ship though, so you got to yelling for someone to help you and hoped you wouldn’t lose your voice before help came.

--------

“kix, i know for a fact you haven’t slept in at least two days. get your ass outta here or i’m gonna call your girl in here and have her drag you out.”

“i’m not gonna leave when there’s still so much left to do.”

“you’ve done plenty, vod-”

“coric, i-”

kix wasn’t sure who had a hold on his arm but suddenly he was being dragged out of the medbay, and his body was too weak to resist the familiar grip. “vod, you’ve got a pretty woman waitin’ for ya and she’d hate to see you working yourself to death like this. let’s head to the barracks-”

“no,” kix mumbles, “she’s waiting for me in the hangar, it’s what we always do.” to be frank, kix isn’t completely honest how he’s able to form a coherent sentence with how tired he is. fives says nothing, just nods and takes a turn towards where you were waiting.

the closer the brothers got to the hangar, the more they heard it. they weren’t completely sure what “it” was, but it was a little worrying. the noise kept repeating itself and when they were closer, it sounded… human. they were yelling, and were they crying too? it was hard to tell from here.

warning bells were ringing in their heads and any tiredness kix had before was shoved down deep as they ran to investigate the source of the noise.

if you weren’t in so much pain you would have thought to keep track of the time you spent under the ship. your arm was in a strange limbo of total numbness and almost blinding pain and you couldn’t even focus on your surroundings because all of your focus was on the pain.

no one was listening, no one had been for the past however long you’ve been laying there. your throat was raw from screaming and you began to sob, which didn’t exactly help your throat. you weren’t completely certain when your sobbing began to contain cries for help but what you did know was that the longer you were under this ship, the worse the damage would be.

several more minutes of sobbing and screaming and nothing. not a soul cared that you were pinned down. you were doomed to spend the rest of your days under general skywalker’s ship, forever known as the mechanic whose love for her work killed her.

but wait a minute, were those footsteps? or was it the pounding of blood in your ears?

the two soldiers enter the hangar and their eyes nearly fall from their skulls when they identify your body in such a precarious spot under the bright yellow ship

“cyare! sweetheart, what happened?!”

their feet pound hard on the durasteel floor towards where you were pinned, fear the dominant expression on both of their faces. kix has never seen you cry out of something that wasn’t laughter, and he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to see his headstrong cyare temporarily defeated by a hunk of metal.

“kix, help me get this off her!” fives yelling for his help and the sobs from your throat snapped him back to reality as he helped lift the ship just enough for you to move to the side enough to free your arm.

it almost hurt worse now that the weight was gone which made no sense. once you were free, the men dropped it with a clang and kix was immediately hovering over you, examining the wounded limb. he quickly notices the way your veins are swelling and the unnatural angle of your wrist and is brought to two conclusions: there’s some sort of internal bleeding in your arm that needs to be taken care of immediately, and you have a broken wrist.

“what’s the damage?”

“internal bleeding and a broken wrist. could have been worse but this is a bitch of an injury.”

“internal bleeding? isn’t that where the blood’s supposed to be?”

you wanted so bad to laugh at the stupid joke, it was one of the worst ones you’ve ever heard from him. the most you could muster is a sob-laugh accompanied by a shake of your head. you’d give him the proper laughter later when you weren’t in blinding pain.

fives is watching worriedly as his vod unzips half of your jumpsuit, using the sleeves to tie your arm to your torso. he knows that as a mechanic, your hands and wrists are crucial for your job. would you be let go for this? oh gods, what if you had to leave the resolute? kix would be absolutely crushed without you.

whispering a soft apology in your ear, he lifts you into his arms and begins to run to the medbay as fast as his legs could go. the jostling irritated the wound and brought the tears down harder, and with every step kix was cooing gently and giving choked apologies for hurting you.

“i thought i told you to leave, k- holy shit, what happened?!”

“she was working in general skywalker’s delta when the jacks collapsed and the ship fell on her!”

“there’s a free bed over here!”

coric was struggling to comprehend you crying, that just wasn’t something that happened. ever. he would have continued down this rabbit hole of “holy kriff” but kix was beginning to shout orders. he literally just kicked this man out of the medbay moments ago, this isn’t going to fly. not even - no, especially when the patient is his cyar’ika.

coric and fives could tell that kix’s hands were shaking from several feet away. whether it was because of you, his ongoing lack of sleep, or both, neither of them were sure. a silent plan was devised and fives was soon pulling kix backwards away from you. he was struggling in the arc’s hold, yelling about how he had to be there, how he wasn’t going to leave you. coric was then able to bring the needle to his vod’s neck and pushed in the sedative.

fives gently sat his brother in one of the sparse guest chairs and pulled a second chair next to kix’s. you two weren’t going to be alone, not through something like this.

you woke up connected to machines you knew the names of and how to fix, but not why they were attached to you. then you tried to move your arm and you remembered exactly why in seconds, your eyes seeing spots with the pain. it was nowhere near as bad as it was when you were still under the ship, but it was terrible for just waking up.

then you tried to lift your other side and panicked when you couldn’t move your entire right side. that wasn’t where you were hit, what gives? then you recognized the anti-droid aurebesh and lightning bolt designs and let yourself calm down.

it was just kix, and he was curled around you like a tooka kitten trying to steal warmth. his hands held your right one to his chest, his forehead pressing against your shoulder while the rest of his body was curled up to make itself as tiny as possible. even in sleep, kix was always putting your comfort first.

not wanting to wake him, you decided to gently trace the designs in his hair and count down the minutes until you could kiss him like you’ve been wanting to ever since he left for the planet’s surface.

a throat clears from kix’s other side and you poke your head up with confusion. why was fives there? did he even sleep last night? didn’t look like it.

the arc trooper could see the question forming on your lips and answered it before you could say a thing. “i uh, i didn’t want either of you to be alone when you woke up. i hope that’s okay.”

“that’s more than okay, fives. it’s really sweet of you.”

“yeah it was a guessing game as to which one of ya would wake up first,” you raised an eyebrow as to why they’d be unsure of whether you or kix would be up before the other. “he was frantic when we brought you in, nearly punched coric when he told him to move away from you. had to sedate him to get him down.”

you gasped at the revelation and turned to press a soft kiss to your boyfriend’s crown. it was still jarring to know that you had someone that would fight tooth and nail for you, despite having been with kix for nearly a year. but for him to be given a sedative because he was so violent in his need to help you? it was bizarre. violent was never a word you thought would describe kix, but trying to punch his brother seemed to fit under that category.

he stirred next to you and his hands tightened their grip on yours, his forehead pressing a little harder against your shoulder. a few grumbles came from his throat as he awoke, eyelids droopy as he raised his head.

“are you okay, cyare?” this was more like the kix you know, always putting others above himself from the moment he’s awake.

you hummed and continued to trace his lightning, nodding in reply. “yeah, because you saved me.” he smiles and places a gentle kiss in the palm of your hand before lacing his fingers with yours.

“i helped a little, i think.”

“fuck off, fives.” your boyfriend mumbled groggily as he wrapped himself around you, burying his face in your neck.

“i did!”

it hurt a little less to laugh now and your boyfriend seemed to lose a bit of the tension from the night’s previous events. you smiled and felt kix curl even closer to you, legs tangling with yours like they do every time you share a bed. “thank you fives, your heroism is most appreciated.”

kix chuckled into your skin and began to leave soft kisses on the skin there. “now leave us alone, dumbass. i need some time with my girl.”

fives chuckles and rises from the chair that served as his bed the night prior, patting your leg as he walked by the cot you were laying in. “no funny business in the medbay, you two!” he jokingly wagged a scolding finger at you both.

“oh, get kriffed!”

fives’s head was the only thing visible to you now, a smirk on his face in spite of the somber mood he was in prior to your waking up. “that seems to be your goal, vod!”

your medic grabbed the nearest projectile and hurled it at his head, fives yelping as he ducked barely a second before a datapad stylus speared him in the eye. “thought he’d never leave,” kix jokes. you chuckle at the ribbing and let yourself rest. there was a lot of healing to be done before you’d be back to working shape, you knew that, but having your kix beside you would make it all the easier.

happy late birthday, kayla!!! love you bunches!!!

[hopelessromanticvirgo]

Sincerely, Always Yours

Chapter 18

Chapter 17

“It’s fine, I will take the couch.” Robbe said, a plan already formed in his brain, desperately wanting for it to work out, afraid to talk incase he won’t say stuff at the normal pace which will result into him revealing his desires.

Come on, say you will sleep on the couch.

Robbe said in his head, staring intently into Sander’s eyes.

You can’t possibly make me sleep on it.

Sander was deadly quiet and Robbe hated it.

Come on.

Say it.

Say it.

“No, no. You sleep in your room and I will sleep in the living room, it’s totally okay.”

Sander finally opened his mouth and Robbe had to bite inside his cheek to not to make a sound from the excitement.

Perfect.

“You know I won’t make you sleep there so you can complain about your back hurting and blame it on me the next morning.”

Sander chuckled at that and looked down.

“My hot back?”

That’s when Robbe felt his self control slipping away, he was fine with texting all this stuff but Sander confronting him while standing in front of him, was too much for his poor heart to handle.

He felt the blush creeping on his cheeks.

Forced himself to roll his eyes and tried to look annoyed.

The silence consumed them and Robbe decides to count how many seconds they have been standing there, quietly and after 15 seconds he humed exaggeratedly in recognition and said: “you know what? You can just sleep next to me, I don’t mind.” Didn’t even wait for sander to answer or even do anything, nodded his head in ‘look what a great idea I got’ attitude, told sander to follow him and walked away towards his room, trying not to show any emotion, or a smile, or a blush.

He just has to act cool and relaxed, like it’s not a big deal.

Deep breaths.

In and out.

He could do this.

Surprisingly amazed Sander followed him like a lost puppy, still didn’t manage to think what Robbe said though.

When he walked in after him, Robbe’s already put some clothes for him on the bed and literally ran to the bathroom, leaving Sander alone in his room.

Sander’s heart feels like it’s going to burst out, he still can’t believe they are here.

What a rollercoaster of a night.

The whole time he was on a date, all he could think about was how Robbe was sitting there, watching him, and all those things he said.

Sander has no idea why he does it, if he’s only teasing him, or if he should try to read more into them.

Why does he agree to these things?

Why does Robbe have so much power over him that he can’t even bring himself to refuse whatever he tells him to do?

It’s not fair at all.

Sander is trying so hard to not think about him like more than just a friend but Robbe makes it harder.

The way he acts.

The way he talks.

Everything he does makes Sander trap in his own mind with no way to come out, surrounded by his ugly feelings.

Ugly and unreturned feelings which are going to keep eating him alive until he will become a numb corpse.

He actually likes hanging out with Britt, he even believes that if Robbe wasn’t around, he’d be able to maybe develop some feelings for her.

But Robbe is there now, and by the look of it, he’s not planning to go anywhere.

At least without Sander.

And the bit has no idea if he loves that fact or despises it.

Sander walked up to the bed and looked at the clothes and his breath got stuck in his throat.

It was Sander’s clothes.

He doesn’t even remember leaving them here, it was so long ago but they look as good as fresh.

Robbe kept his clothes.

He remembers this sweatpants. One time Robbe got locked out of his house while it was raining heavily, he called Sanded and spent the night at his place. This was the pants he gave him that night and when Robbe wanted to return it the next day after washing and drying it, he told him to keep it.

Never thought Robbe’d still have them. He felt that a warm feeling went though his body and smiled sadly.

Before he had time to remember where the T-shirt was from, Robbe walked out and both of them stared at each other.

“Uh - I can let you have the right side.” Robbe said, knowing Sander usually slept on the right side of the bed and started changing the sheets, not looking at the other boy’s direction.

Sander took his chance and went out of the room to change himself too.

He looked at himself in the mirror and took a big breath.

I can do this.

But he knew, that was a lie.

When Sander finally came back to the room, Robbe was already in bed, scrolling through his Instagram, seeing Britt’s stories from the movie theater.

He wasn’t stalking, her stories just happened to be there, right in front of his nose, staring at him smugly and saying “I was sitting next to your Sander in the theater, where the fuck were you? Oh right! In the back, alone. To rot.”

Okay Robbe was exaggerating but it really felt like it.

Stupid bitch.

Then he looked up and saw Sander leaning on the door, not doing anything, just having some kind of look in his eyes while staring at Robbe which made the brunet swallow.

Sander didn’t say a word, and when Robbe was about to ask what the hell he was doing, he looked up and down, smirked and walked to his side of the bed and Robbe was sure he was about to pass out.

He pretended to be busy on his phone when Sander laid down, but in reality he was even scared to breath, afraid it’d make all his feelings obvious.

He had to turn around, he couldn’t look at him, his eyes were trying to capture a quick glance and when sander also took his phone in his hands, he dared to look at him but quickly turned his head away when he saw how much phone light lit his face and how pretty he looked, so close to him, less than a step away.

Sander turned off his phone quickly afterwards, Robbe was actually waiting for him to turn away but he didn’t. He closed his eyes while still laying on his back like Robbe.

Robbe’s head was fighting a battle between shutting the fuck up and starting a conversation.

After a while, when he didn’t even realize what he was doing he started fidgeting, mumbling “I almost fell down” and managing to move a little closer to the boy laying next to him, acting like he only had the edge of the bed to sleep on and there was a danger that he’d fall down.

“You okay?” He heard Sander asked and realized how close he accidentally got to his body while trying to only move a few centimeters.

“Y-yeah.”

“Want me to move a bit?”

I want you glued to me.

“No, it’s fine. It’s perfect.” He couldn’t see much in the dark but he knew Sander was there, with him, alone, at night, in his bed.

Fuck. How did they get here?

They watched some tv show when they got back home, ordered a pizza like Robbe promised they’d do, didn’t talk that much, but one time Sander laid his head on his thighs for a while, and Robbe still isn’t sure if that really happened or not, if it was real or just a piece of his cruel imagination.

“Sander...” he dared to say after a while, hating the silence, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep tonight at all.

“Hm?”

Robbe turned on his side, completely looking at the boy now and he was quite surprised when Sander mirrored his actions and in the end, both of them were facing each other.

Robbe was about to be the most confident he has ever been.

Like the boy he loved would say: all the way or no way.

Robbe doesn’t know if he will be able to go all the way but he can certainly go half way so he does, and asks a question he’s desperate to know the answer to.

“Do you like Britt?”

Sander really wasn’t expecting that which made him take his time, trying to figure out why Robbe was asking him this. (probably only because he wanted to make sure how his friend was feeling.)

He took some time to answer which somehow made Robbe more and more nervous by each passing second, afraid what he’d say.

“Yeah. I think so.”

‘You think so, like you’re not sure?’ Robbe wanted to ask but instead the words that left his mouth were: “do you love her?”

This time the answer was faster. “No.” And Robbe breathed out, relived.

He felt that sander wanted to ask the reason behind the question but in the end decided not to, and Robbe was so glad about that.

“What are you think about?” Sander asked and wouldn’t he love to know?

You.

Always you.

“Nothing. What are you thinking about?” He answered his question with another question.

“I don’t even know.” Sander said and both of them got quiet until there could be heard Robbe’s weak whisper: “I missed you.”

Dark room, two boys on the bed, “two hearts in one home,” silently screaming to each other, dying from the desperation and pain, “I missed you too” said one of them in answer but he wanted to say more, so much more than that.

Sander wanted to ask everything, why he was away, how and what he has been doing. In fact, Robbe wanted to ask the same too but neither of them said anything. The words weren’t needed, they were looking at each other and somehow it was enough.

Both of them wanted to believe that they were okay, like nothing was going on, and for a minute, they believed it.

Then they talked, chattered for hours, about everything they could think of.

And it was nice, it was extremely nice but Robbe still couldn’t lay still, he needed to make this night worth it, so he gathered all the courage he’s ever had before and whispered his biggest secret, not even thinking about the coincidences, his head empty, only the tormented truth running in his mind.

“Sander. I lied. When I told you that I was in love with Jens. I lied.” It didn’t take a lot to say this but hearing it out loud for the first time ever shocked him to death and he listened closely in the dark, but the blond was already too deep into the sleep to even hear a word.

Chapter 19

[heartshyuck]

𝐇𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐑𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐮𝐧 // 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟗𝐭𝐡

"Renjun! It's literally six days till Christmas and you still haven't decorated the tree?" You say almost in a cry as you enter your boyfriend's apartment. You haven't  seen each other for the whole of December, busy with exams and decided that you were both too much of a distraction for each other. "I've been busy" he jumps to his defence "so now that you're here, you can help me" he drags you towards the tree as you whine and throw your head back. "Come on it's a cute couple thing" he tries to convince you. 

"Fine but what do I get out of this" you huffed out a breath as you formed a pout, hoping to get something out of this. "A kiss" he bargains causing you to scoff and roll your eyes, he only laughs at your reaction "okay fine a kiss and cuddles" again you roll your eyes before agreeing to his terms. 

"A kiss and cuddles are standard, I should be getting that as your girlfriend anyways" you joke in a light tone of mock annoyance. "But I'll do it regardless because I'm the a good girlfriend" 

"The best" Renjun reinforces your statement as he places a kiss on your hand that he still holds in his, leading you towards the many boxes filled with ornaments and fairy lights. You sit there for hours soughting through them and untangling the lights, your neck sour and your legs aching, your fingers slowly going numb and Renjun's broken three ballballs already. You let out a long breath you didn't realise you held in, when the final knots in the lights came underdone. "Finally" Renjun cries out, standing up and stretching his legs "now the fun part" he says as he picks up a ballball. 

"Um what are you doing?" You question him as you place your hand over his to stop it from going any further "we have to put the lights on first" and you see Renjun's shoulders drop at the reminder and he blows air through his lips as he sighs. "My mind totally erased that part, ugh I hate it" he whines out, stomping his feet slightly and pouts slightly, you let out a soft laugh "come in it'll look pretty" 

You spend what seems like forever on weaving the lights in, out and around branches and once you've made sure they're secure and each one works, you finally begin to decorate. Renjun picks up a red ballball, starting from the bottom and working his way up to the top. You only stop him when you realise he’s about to place two of the same ballballs next to each other. "Spread the red ballballs out more, they're gonna clash" you whine as you place your ballballs in a perfect order that compliment each other. 

"Y/n, there's a pattern going on here" he argues back as he recited his colour order. Two big red ballballs followed by two small white ones and then a gold one and then another two small white ones. "Yours is ugly" he peers over to look at your side of the tree and quickly backs away before you can reach him. "What, no it's not" you denied his absurd observations, "please my side looks so much better, like I said all of yours clash. Don't you know the rule of putting two ballballs together, if they're the same it's strictly forbidden" you educate him in ballball placement 

"Who said that" he laughs and you're not sure if it's at the comment or with how much confidence you're saying it with. "My mum" you declared with a smirk on your face, proud you shut Renjun up before he even had the chance to make fun of it. After arguing for a while more, on whose looked better, you decided to just let both sides coexist and later have Jeno and Jaemin pick which side they liked more. 

The sun had gone down a long time ago, but the day itself was coming to an end. Time passing by like an arrow, you'd decorated the tree for hours. "Finally it's done" Renjun said in a mumble, too worn out to say it any louder, as you collapse on the floor, Renjun sprawled out with his head resting on your thigh. "Not quite" you get up and Renjun's head hits the floor with a soft thud, as he looks up he sees a gold star in your hand, how could he forget the most important part. He gets up ready to assist you, looking the tree up and down assessing how you're gonna get the star up at the top. "Get on my shoulders, I'll carry you" and your hesitant and he can tell "I'm not gonna drop you" 

"Hmm I don't know if i can trust you on that" you face scrunched up as if you were really contemplating on it and Renjun rolls his eyes at your statement. "Wow two year we've been dating and still you don't trust me" he says as he gets in a position where it's easier for you to climb onto his shoulders and once you're placed securely on them you reply "I have plenty of reason not to trust you" you joke.

You stretch up to place the star on top, Renjun slightly wobbling doesn't help and you miss a few times but after the forth attempt you manage to get it secured on the top of the tree and you lean back slightly to look at the masterpiece you both have birthed, you stare a bit too long for Renjun who's dying under you. His grip suddenly disappears from your thighs and he swings your left leg off his shoulders causing you to fall right into his arms that were prepared to catch you in a bridal style position. "Told you I wouldn't drop you" he smirks as he sees the fear being washed off by the relief that comes over your face. "Fuck you Renjun this is why-" and your cut off by his soft lips on yours, a deep and passionate kiss that lasts until your lungs are set on fire. 

"Thank you for helping me" he says against your lips, a heat rising up to your cheeks as he kisses you again.

© (jisungiest) 2021. All Rights Reserved.

[huearmy]

Life is Beautiful - I

Summary: You are a glass half full person, your life motto is "Life is too short to... Insert something and anything here". During your whole life you wanted something more, and even not knowing what it is, you put yourself to find out and get it, experiencing everything  brilliant that the world offers - within the measure of what is safe, of course. The curious thing is that your way of living ended up rousing  the interest of two vampires. One who sees beauty in everything and  loves to exist, currently working with suicide prevention; and another one who no longer sees grace in things, in that boring immortality that never ends, and only complains about the Netflix catalog all the time.

Pairing: Jimin x reader / Taehyung x reader.

Genre: fluff, angst, future smut (very soft, ok?)...

Words:  7509.

Rating: +18

Warnings: As much as my writing is soft and light, and as these are not the main topic of the story, treated in a non-descriptive way, there are sensitive themes from the beginning of the first chapter to the end of the fic that can trigger sensitive people, like depression, suicide, addictions in general - Jimin literally works at a suicide prevention center here. SO PLEASE! Read responsibly, my intention when dealing with topics like this is always 1) dealing with them in myself, as a way of putting out part of my own healing process 2) generating identification in other people, so they can go through the difficult time a little less alone. THIS IS A STORY THAT SEES THE WORLD WITH POSITIVITY.

Chapter II Chapter III .

After some centuries of not living, all vampires go through a kind of midlife crisis in which everything loses its grace and eternity becomes endless boredom. Nothing new happens, humans are born, sometimes they are relevant to world history, they become vampire food or they die dull. Vampires do not need to sleep or use the bathroom, nor to feed more than once a month, so the days are long, and often lonely, which leads many of them to stand still without moving, looking at nothing until their thirst quits, forcing them to go after a pulsating neck. Many go through this phase as serial killers, with killing as their only source of pleasure, others prefer to hibernate in some dark place or tomb, because false death is more interesting than false life. Some never get past the phase.

Jimin is not like that. With almost a thousand years of existence he is totally in love with life. Every day when the sun rises and the sunlight forces him to stay indoors so as not to burst into flames, he spends his hours with a smile on his face, engaging in small banal hobbies, such as gardening or online courses at distance - after almost a decade of doing this, Jimin already has fifty-two certificates in different areas, and he is pretty pride of it. When night comes and he can go out and see the world it’s even more interesting, because humans ’nightlife isn’t as hectic as daytime, so those who live in those dark hours are different. There are those who do wrong things and commit crimes, those who have double lives or who keep secrets, there are people working to protect and save, like doctors and police, there are night guards and twenty-four hours convenience store attendants, groups of friends who spend the night partying until dawn, and those who feel lonely in their empty apartments unable to sleep... And this is the part that he likes the most: people.

He likes to meet random people in the empty metro, buy a drink for a girl who doesn't take her eyes off him and then dance with her, strike up a conversation with a homeless man under a marquee because he knows the guy must be lonely. Watching and learning about other lives keeps him alive, more than the blood he needs to drink.

He likes to get temporary jobs to have some human experience. He has worked in pizzerias, both in the kitchen - he was not very good, so he was put in the dishwasher - both in deliveries, and at a gas station, as a hotel receptionist... But now it looks like he found a job he wants to stay in, so much that it has been a year and he has not yet resigned. Perhaps Jimin has found his calling.

"It's okay... You are not alone, I'm here and I'll stay until you feel good again." He said with his sweet, angelical voice. "Can you get away from the sharp objects? Please?"

The voice on the other end of the line sounded like just a choked whisper, before the answer came, fast, heavy breathing filled the air.

"No... I can't..." The female sobbed.

"Can you tell me why?" Jimin's voice was calm. "I... my legs are numb... I can't... stand up." Her breathing was erratic and desperate.

"Are you hurt? Do you need an ambulance to be sent to you?" He used his most reassuring voice possible.

"No!" She started to cry even harder. "I don't want no one... to see me... like this." Jimin bite the inside of his cheek, thinking, maybe she just wasn't able to get up  because of the anxiety attack, but she also didn't say she wasn't hurt.

Regardless of the case, he needed to make the girl trust him in order to help her.

"What is your name?" He smiled, hopping she would listen to it in his voice. "... Ana" She whispered. "Nice to meet you, Ana. Do you remember my name? I told you at the beginning of the call."

One moment of silence.

"Jimin." She said with little certainty.

"Exactly, good job. Hi, Ana." "Hi, Jimin." Despite the crying voice, she was no longer sobbing.

"Ana, can you recall the last thing you did that made you feel safe? Secure?" A sigh reached Jimin's ears. As he waited for an answer his hands moved over a sheet of paper, he was drawing a beautiful face of a girl with crayons, without paying much attention, but getting a beautiful result.

"No." She said at last.

"I know you can, Ana. No need to rush. Breath." She thought some more, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Almost a full minute passed, the two of them silent on the call. Jimin did not press for an answer.

"I was watching Friends... with my cat." "Your cat?" Jimin smiled more spontaneously now, noticing in her voice an oscillation of affection when saying the word cat. "Talk more about your cat."

"His name is Sushi, he's fat, full of himself, and loving. He likes children, food and sleeping. I recently bought him a cute collar, it looks like a pink bow tie." She almost laughed.

"Wow...He is a lucky cat." Suddenly she started to cry again, sobbing so hard that Jimin hardly understood what she was saying.

"He ran away and hasn't come back yet... He's never been away from home  so long... He's all I have, there's no one else... I don't want to live... alone." "Is it just you and Sushi?" Jimin spoke more forcefully for her to hear over the sobs.

"Yes." She choked. "I can't get up... It hurts so much. I'm so-sorry..."

"Ana, do you need an ambulance to be sent to you?" He tried again. Silence.

"Yes." "So I will stay with you until they come to help you. You are not alone."

Jimin was a vampire in love with live, eager to live each day as if it were the most precious gift, so working in the Center of Valuing Life and Preventing Suicide was perfect. He considers himself an expert in convincing anyone that life is beautiful when he has the opportunity to say everything he thinks about. And not letting people feel alone is one of his favorite hobbies.

After all, eternity can be quite lonely, he knows how it is.

________________________________________________________________

That call is over. Jimin was searching for missing cat posts on social media. In the silent office room it was just him and three other people working, each at their separated personal table. Perhaps due to the nature of the work, or due to the late hours of the night, nobody spoke loudly or made a lot of noise when doing things, even when talking to each other, everything is always very restrained, calm.

Jimin's eyes followed the clock hands on the wall above the door. It was almost one in the morning, actually, to be exact, twelve minutes to go, so in two minutes, you would punctually enter that door with your heavy backpack full of books, of someone who just left college on the other side of the city, and after stopping at a twenty-four hours fast food to get a well-deserved burger spent an hour on a subway trip. He could already hear your footsteps down the hall, the characteristic sound of the rubber on the soles of your boots and your bunch of keys stuck in the handle of your backpack tinkling. He heard you putting your stuff in your closet and hanging your coat on the rack in the next room, and a smile formed on Jimin's face. When the hand on the clock struck ten to one and you opened the door trying not to make any noise so as not to disturb anyone's call, Jimin pretended not to notice you entering, not taking his eyes off the computer screen full of images of cute cats. You straightened up and held firmly the pair of coffee cups in your hands till the knots turned white, looking straight at him - in fact, from the moment you walked through the door you were already expecting to see Jimin sitting at his table, as always, and since then you haven't looked away. Walking in light steps - that he could hear by the way - to him who had his back to you, you tried to control the butterflies in your stomach, happy he wasn't in a call right now.

"Jimin?" You called softly, close to his ear, but not that close. Yet. Jimin contained a smile and turned around as if you had taken him by surprise. "Hey, Y/N, didn't see you there". As usual, his direct look made your heart race and you gave a nervous laugh before getting along with his flirty tone. "I bought you coffee." You handed him one of the cups. "To take the night shift a little better."

"Thanks, sweetheart."

You are the other reason Jimin didn't quit this job yet. A few weeks ago, when he was working long enough to decide to leave and go for the next adventure, you started working at the night shift, and right away you caught Jimin's attention, even though at first you didn't talk with him that much - in fact you only talked to the women on the team, and avoided the men. More than once he found himself paying attention to your emergency calls, how you talk, being positive without being suffocating for those in pain ... how you love life. After a while you started doing the same thing, a little less easily, since you don't have a vampire audition, but it was enough for you to acquire a platonic crush on Jimin, which resulted in you opening up, and you two start talking here and there. Now almost whenever you have time or money left over - college life is poor life - you bring him coffee. Jimin doesn't actually drink coffee at all, and he doesn't feel sleepy either, but he thinks it's cute that you worry for him. You see each other three to four times a week, depending on the schedule of work, and he is always eager to see you. Flirting is exciting, and he hasn't done that in a while... Like two centuries, and how it was done back there was quite different. Other times indeed.

"Did you lose your cat?" You asked, confused.

"Oh, no, I didn't." He closed the page with the photo of a white and gray cat wearing a pink bow tie.. "One friend of mine lost her cat, Sushi." "Poor thing. I hope she finds Sushi soon..." You slightly pouted.

"Me too. I'll help her." Jimin said, and the butterflies in your stomach thought it was beautiful.

Something on his desk caught your attention, a colorful draw of said cat made with crayon. Before Jimin could stop you - he was distracted by hearing your heart beat faster because of him - you picked up the stack of papers to get a closer look.

"And you drew him! How beautiful... I didn't know you were so talented." "Thank you. My friend who taught me, he is much better than me..." Jimin simply answered.

You moved on to the next sheet, where another sketch of the cat in different colors made your eyes shine. "So he must be awesome. Look at this!" Jimin was happy to be praised by you, the pink of your cheeks when speaking was a beautiful sign for him, but then he remembered what was the next drawing in your hands, and before you could see it, he cleared his throat and took them back, keeping them in the drawer. It was a drawing of a girl's pretty face. Your face. "They are not quite ready yet..." He pretended modesty.

"Oh, sorry. If you need help, just tell me. I can hang up posters or something. About finding the lost cat, I mean." You volunteered, and then looked around. "I better get to work before someone scolds me."

You went to your desk, across his, and your eyes met a few more times before as you sat down and turned on your computer. Jimin's phone rang and he forced himself to look away from your face, someone else needed him now. "Good night, my name is Jimin and you called the Life Valuation Center. Can I help?" He spoke, his voice welcome and full of affection. ________________________________________________________________

Jimin's shift ends before yours, just before three in the morning he puts things away and leaves the table ready for the person who will use the next shift, but he won't leave, even if everyone thinks so. Instead he goes to the roof to look at the stars and wait for you to leave - not that you know he is waiting for you. He was listening to a random playlist on spotify, stretching his body to the beat just because it feels good, thinking about nothing specific, just existing and feeling good about it.

The night breeze brought his scent to him, looking down from the parapet, he could see you leaving the building, with your scarf well wrapped around your neck, covering half of your face to protect you from the cold air. He doesn't understand you... It's beautiful that you want to help people who are going through a difficult time, and you've commented before that the night shift matches your other schedules, and that you like to stay up at night. However, he thinks you should consider it's not worth it. It's so late and empty when you go home, it's dangerous for a human woman, and as much as he knows that you have a pocketknife in your pocket, Jimin thinks it's silly of you. Usually he wouldn't think much about it, but it's you, and he is fond of you, he can't just do nothing about it. So even if you don't know it, he accompanies you home every night to make sure you are safe. He is only satisfied and goes home when he hears you enter your room. Sometimes he stays a little longer, sitting on the emergency stairs outside your building, listening to you walking up and down in your room, doing whatever, instead of going to sleep soon.

That's kind of creepy. He knows. But he is a vampire, he is already creepy in essence. But of course he would never watch you sleep, for exemple, this is a stalker limit that he does not intend to cross.

"Okay." He sighed as he heard you getting into bed. "I have one hour and a half before the sun rises... Let's find that cat." __________________________________________

You were awake for a couple of hours already, currently packing your books at the end of a lecture, really needing sugar to feel prepared before the last class of the day, and excited that instead of going to the study group you are a part of, you will take an experimental dance class and it's your day off, which means that instead of staying up until dawn working, you can stay up until dawn studying, and maybe sleep a little earlier. Life is too short to not take all the free trial classes available just because your schedule is already full and totally demanding. Anyways you are dead tired, wishing your body doesn't need to sleep... Since you started to work on the Life Valuation Center all your sleeping schedule went down the drain. At first your plan was to work the night shift only at the beginning, and then change your hours, but for some reason you always liked to stay up all night, also the movement of calls in this period is bigger and more specific, which helps in your internship report, and of course, in the day shift there is no Jimin... You've settled in, and now after months of this crazy, fickle routine, your body is feeling the side effects.

"Three of this rainbow donuts please." You asked at the college cafe. One because you want, two because one is not enough, three because you are greedy. Life is too short not to overeat your current favorite sugar source. You sigh to yourself, taking a seat along your friends. Your mantra for life is life is too short to...insert anything here, experimenting and doing things that you never imagined before and that your mother probably wouldn't approve a hundred percent is what moves you. Basically nothing scares you, since childhood you were courageous and fearless. You subject yourself to almost anything, within the measures of what is safe, to have good stories to tell. The world is too big to be content with just having good grades to graduate and have a good job. What you want is much more... so much more that you don't even know what... But it’s not just because you don’t know yet that you’ll stand still without going after it to find out.

"Hey, Y/N, what are you gonna do on the weekend?" Your friend, Becca, asked comfortably within her girlfriend's embrace. As usual, whenever you see the two of them together being all lovey dovey, you feel a twinge of pride in your heart, because you were responsible for them to start dating in the first place. Although your romantic life is not very interesting, without serious or successful relationships, you are a great cupid.

"For the very first time in months... I don't know. I didn't plan anything, maybe something will show up, if not I'm just going to sleep. Why?" You smiled your happy smile of eating what you like.

"Pool party. You need to get a tan, you look like a vampire with that pale, tired face of yours."

You laughed because it's true, since you started changing the day for the night, your skin has acquired a not healthy tone that you are not used to. You've been missing the sun a little.

"First of all, I'm too cute to be a vampire. Second, yeah I'll think about it, I have a new bikini I haven't worn yet that makes my breasts look stunning." One of your friends that was sitting by your side put his arm over your shoulder. "I changed my mind, I'm going to this party." He loudly said. The girls in the group didn't laugh at all. "Shut up, Mike." You playfully pushed him. ________________________________________________________________

This was the second night that Jimin was looking for the cat, Sushi. It was not difficult to find out the address of it’s owner, since he had to activate an ambulance for her, and with that he started looking for the animal in her neighborhood. Passing through the empty streets at night after his work shift, he could see the girl's tracks leaving "missing" posters with a picture of a kitten wearing a pink bow tie, on lampposts and bus stops. At first Jimin thought it was going to be easy, with his keen vampire senses, but all he found were stray cats that weren't Sushi. The second night of searching was already ending, the sun was rising, threatening to make him explode into ashes if he didn't come home soon, and no clue as to where to look the next night he had.

Before getting into the car and driving home, Jimin took one last look at the slightly open curtains in the girl's room, Ana, just to make sure she was okay. She had been discharged from the hospital that afternoon and was now sleeping on the couch, probably medicated. Jimin didn't want to leave her alone, but he couldn't just walk into her apartment and offer help, for now all he could do was find a way to find the cat. ________________________________________________________________ Jimin lives in an old pretty house in the wealthiest part of the city, it isn't a mansion, but it is big and expensive enough to impress anyone who sees it, privileges of centuries of saved money. It's a cliché, but vampires dress in designer clothes, ride luxury cars and live in expensive mansions, houses, apartments, and Jimin is no exception.

From one of the main rooms, behind a heavy curtain, hidden in the gloom, was another vampire, watching the street with intent, expressionless eyes. When Jimin's car turned the corner and up the wide street lined with huge trees, the vampire got uneasy, his beautiful restless hands worrying the hem of his sleeves. He was anxious and angry, if his heart was still beating it would be racing. The garage door opened and the car entered, disappearing from view, in the next second the vampire was no longer in the room but in front of the door leading to the garage, waiting in the empty, dark hall. The knob turned the door slightly opened, Jimin with his head down did not seem to notice the presence of the other before being attacked.

"AH!" Jimin screamed as long arms embraced his neck. If it wasn't for the wall behind him he would have fallen, yet he had no escape, with a body much larger than his overpowering him. "Taehyungie!"

"You are late! Is the second day in a row you get home after sunrise! Are you trying to die?" Taehyung said, and didn't let Jimin go just yet. "It's okay. I was careful, I just had to do a few things before I came home. Look, there's not even smoke coming out of me." Jimin ran his hands over Tae's back, making him relax. The other stepped back a little, taking his face in his big hands.

"You could have sent a message. I asked you to let me know if you were going to be late again, Jiminie..." Tae pouted, still distressed. "And why do your clothes smell like garbage? Take it off."

Even feeling deprived of affection, Taehyung walked away looking disgusted, covering his nose with two fingers. Jimin obeyed, taking off his sneakers, jacket and jeans, following Taehyung through the corridor to the laundry room, where he put everything in a basket to wash later, and also exchanged the shirt for a clean one too. "I went into some alleys today, looking for a cat. That's why." Jimin explained, feeling much more comfortable in not smelling bad.

"And where's it? I don't think Tannie will like to share the house with a cat..." "Where is what?" Jimin was confused. Tae crossed his arms.

"The cat?"

"Oh no!" Jimin laughed, reaching for Tae to take him by the shoulders. "I wasn't looking for a cat to bring home, as much as I would love one as a pet... It's the cat of a girl I met, and is very sad to have lost it..."

"I got it..." Taehyung mumbled.

Jimin was just helping someone. Again. And Taehyung couldn't say exactly why it bothers him so much every time, but it does, he feels distressed, almost as if the world around him collapsed, and it makes him think he's being overdramatic. Live an eternity when you can't even put your feelings out in moments of frustration. Damn, it is conflicting... If vampires could cry, he would. But never that he would let Jimin discover that he feels that way.

It was Jimin's turn to take Tae's face in his little hands.

"You are so skinny. When was the last time you fed?" Taehyung didn't answer.

"You don't even remember, right?" Jimin's eyes went worried. "Did you see that I brought some O- packs for you? I left it in the fridge."

"No, I didn't." A shy smile spread across Tae's face. O- is his favorite blood type, but because it is a not so common type, and humans need transplantation, it's not always that Jimin brings it to him, usually opting for his second favorite flavor or other one available.

Jimin has been trying to cheer his friend up with little treats. It has been a difficult phase, in which he thinks Tae is going through the vampiric midlife crisis. He hasn't been out of the house for almost two decades and does nothing without a little external motivation, even the simplest things like eating. So Jimin tries to bring the best blood types to fill the fridge, signed all available streaming platforms, updates Taehyung's video game consoles as soon as a new model comes out, tries to get him interested in new hobbies - which never works but he doesn't give up - and he even adopted a puppy so that Tae would never be alone.

"Come." Jimin pulled him by the hand to their modern practically untouched kitchen, opened the fridge and picked two packs of blood, the dark liquid shining at the cold light. “In my room or yours?"

"Yours."

The two of them got to Jimin's room, followed by the sound of four paws scraping the polished wooden floor, Yeontan chasing them closely. Jimin pulled the covers off the clean bed, on which he rarely lies down, so they could get more comfortable. Tae laid on his back, against the pile of smooth pillows, carefully opening a packet of blood to not spill a single drop, and put a stainless steel straw in the opening. Jimin turned on the TV, put the dog in the bed, and cuddled Tae's side, with his head on his chest.

"What show have you been watching?" Jimin asked.

"None. I've been looking for something interesting in this shit for days and I can't find anything." Tae took a sip of his blood with a pout.

Jimin chuckled. "I'm choosing then."

A moment of silence followed, in which the only sound was of Tae drinking the rest of his first pack, and then opening another one.

"I think I need to shower..." Jimin commented.

Taehyung's arm that was around Jimin tightened. "Not now. Later." Jimin laughed, thinking it was cute. An idea crossed his mind, another small treat.

"Do you want to bath with me instead?" He looked up to Tae.

Tae hold tightened even more.

"Not now. Later. Now we cuddle."

As if agreeing, Yeontan climbed over the two vampires, finding a comfortable place to lie down and join the cuddle pile.

"Ok."

________________________________________________________________

Tonight you didn't have time to talk to Jimin when you arrived at work, he was on a call, and it seemed really serious. You didn't have the money to buy extra coffee even for yourself, so you hadn't an excuse to pass quietly by his desk to leave a post-it written "Hi :)". In those circumstances, you went straight to your desk to work, to do your best to be a good listener.

To your surprise, making your heart melt and your breath hold at the bottom of the throat, you saw at the top of your computer screen a post-it with a "Hi, sweetheart." written on it, and another one with a "Look in the fridge.". After working with him for that time, regularly doing some paperwork like filling out documentation and such things, you could say for sure that this was Jimin's handwriting, besides, only he calls you sweetheart.

You checked the clock on the wall with an eager look and a silly smile. As you always arrive ten minutes early, there was time to go to the break room quickly, and look inside the fridge before starting to work. And so you did. The break room was nothing more than a small table with a few chairs, a small couch, a sink, an old coffee machine, a microwave and the refrigerator, all in a tight space lit by white lights that leave the place a little impersonal. None of your co-workers were there, as usual. You crossed the small room to the fridge and opened it trying not to make a noise, more out of habit than necessity.

The interior was very empty, with some forgotten lunchboxes, but that didn't interest you. Your goal was right in the middle. A big cup of iced coffee, from a franchise that you don't usually buy from because you find it a little too expensive for your student budget, with your name written on a post-it on top of it.

"Y/N, I wanted to be me treating you today. Hope you like it."

That coffee was as cold as Jimin's fingertips when touching yours, but it warmed your heart. Sometimes you question yourself if it's healthy how head over heels you are for this guy, for so little.

Back at your desk, now with your iced coffee, you wrote a post-it and pasted it on the back of your computer screen, where Jimin could see it. "Thanks :)" Then you started to work. Other people needed you now. ________________________________________________________________ On your fifteen minutes break time, you were leaving the restroom, passing a moisturizing hand cream - because you swear that the soap in this place dries out your skin, and god forbid you from harsh hands -, the sound of the break room's door opening made you lift your eyes from the floor. It was Jimin. He don't take breaks, it's not like he needs it, he doesn't get tired, but he didn't get the chance to talk to you today yet, so as soon he saw you stretching in your chair, indicating that you would soon get up to go to the bathroom - yes, he learned your routine and mannerisms - he discreetly left the room to meet you by coincidence in the hall afterwards.

"Hi, Y/N. Did you like the coffee?" He charmly smiled at you, he was eager to ask it to you, to find out if he made the right choice of flavor, or if he made a bad mistake and you hated it - he couldn't help thinking about that possibility. Anyway, he was looking forward to your approval.

The truth is that you were so stunned by his caring that it didn't matter what the flavor was.

"Actually, yes. I love vanilla flavored things. It's basic but it makes me happy." You fixed your hair, pulling it behind your ears. Jimin could tell by your smile and your heated face that you aren't lying.

"Nice. I wanted to make you happy." He approached you, more than is suitable for the work environment, and it made you nervous, and of course he noticed. But it was okay, if someone came close he would hear and walk away before they could see you, too bad he couldn't tell you that.

"Mission completed successfully." You said, without looking away from his eyes - no matter how much part of you shouted at you to do it, your heart felt like it was going to explode. Well, your heart has a limit, so you changed the subject. "Did your friend find her cat?" Sadness took over Jimin's eyes.

"Unfortunately not. I've been looking for him for two days and nothing, I swear I think I've looked in every street, alley and trash can. I don't want to think like that, but I think Sushi is no longer with us." He sighed, clearly frustrated. You had the impulse to rub his forearms to comfort him, it was the very first time you really touched him. "If he is a cat that wasn't accustomed to getting out, and didn't know how to walk on the street, it is possible that something bad happened... But! He's a cat, if he used to go out often, he might have some other house, other owners, and that's why he hasn't come back yet." You optimistically said.

A smile spread in Jimin's face.

"That makes sense! She told me something like 'He's never been away from home for so long', there's hope then. And you also gave me an idea. Thank you, Y/N." He pulled you into a hug, and you thought you could die.

"You welcome." You said against his chest, deciding not to waste the opportunity to return the hug. ________________________________________________________________ The day was perfect for a vampire walk in the daytime. Cloudy and rainy. No deadly sunbeams and an excuse to use an umbrella without calling attention to it. After the tip you gave, Jimin looked in the right place after accompanying you home that night, and in less than an hour he was outside the window of two children's rooms, in a ground floor apartment, looking inside, and sleeping between the feet of one of the children was the cat, he wasn't with his bow tie but there was no mistake, Jimin was sure. Even without being able to enter - vampiric rules, you only can get in somebody's house if invited, or else you explode as if you were under sunlight - Jimin could smell cat all over the house, and the windows all had anti-escape screens, which indicated that it was a family of cat people.

Jimin would need to come back to pick the cat during the day, knock on the front door and politely ask. That's why heavy weather is perfect. With a dark couture coat, covering all from his neck to the back of his hands, to his knees, a design hat and sunglasses, and last but nos least, a big umbrella, he approached the lower middle class apartment complex. Without hesitation he raised his hand and knocked. Some seconds passed by, sound of kids running inside and a voice of a famale scolding them muffled by the closed door, and then a little girl, maybe six-year-old, appeared in Jimin's field of vision, her eyes sparkling as she looked at him. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen after all.

"Hello." Jimin smiled. "Are your parents home?"

She smiled at him, but shook her head negatively.

"Jo, who is it?" An older girl opened the door wider and faced Jimin with a frown that fell apart when she saw his smile. Great, a teenager, he thought. "What do you want?"

"Sorry to bother, I really wanted to talk to an adult, but..." Jimin lifted his phone, the screen showing Sushi's missed post. "I saw my friend's cat on your window."

The older girl narrowed her eyes as she looked at the photo, but before she could answer, the little girl she called Jo before ran away.

"No!" She screamed, disappearing inside the apartment, and then slamming a door somewhere.

"Sorry for that, please wait a minute." The teenager closed the door on his face, and he could hear her shouting and scolding the girl little inside. He was starting to lose his patience. Jimin doesn't like to be ignored at all. Should he knock again and use his mind control powers to get the cat? He was pondering the idea when the door opened again, the two girls were still loudly arguing inside, and this time it was a small boy who must be the middle sibling in front of him.

"Hi, grandma said to tell you to come in." He mumbled.

"So you are letting me get in your house?" Jimin asked with a satisfied grin.

"Yeah... follow me." The boy was avoiding eye contact, being shy. Jimin thought he was adorable.

Jimin followed the boy to a tiny living room, where an old woman was sitting in front of the TV. The girls were now silent, but clearly wanting to argue some more, and the small one was with Sushi in her arms. Jimin sighed, he likes children, a lot, even though he doesn't live with many, but he likes them even more when they're not having a tantrum.

"Hello. Please, take a seat." The old lady pointed to the old couch. The vampire obliged, and almost immediately a fat orange cat jumped into his lap. In this small room alone he could see three more of them. "So, why do you want to steal one of my babies?" Steal? Jimin was slightly offended, he already explained himself, but the chaotic situation created a misunderstanding. "I'm not here to steal nothing, ma'am." He showed his cellphone again. "One of your cats is Sushi, my friend's cat."

"That's not his name!" The little girl shouted tapping a foot on the floor in anger. Jimin just raised his eyebrows at her, making her swallow hard. But he is in control of the situation, so Jimin smiled to remain pleasant.

"Of course it is. Just watch, little one." He reached out to call the cat. "Come here, Sushi." Even though the cat didn't know Jimin to trust him - and these people don't need to know that - cats are creatures of the night, strongly attached to magic and protection in the dark hours, and in the hierarchy of the night they obeyed vampires. The only things that cats respect more than vampires are witches and their own owners whom they protect. As Jimin expected, Sushi jumped off the girl's tight hold and went over to him.

"Good boy. Ana is missing you like hell." Jimin scratched behind his ears. Before someone else could say anything, he proceeded. "When he got lost he was using a pink bow tie." The old lady was still with Jimin cellphone in her hand, and he could see she was convinced he know the cat, but wasn't intending on letting him leave with him yet.

"I'm seeing it in the post, but there was no tie when we got him." She replied. "You just didn't see it, ma'am." Jimin was tired of this conversation, it was being a lot less nice than he imagined on his way there. When he looked to the little girl to talk to her, his eyes were intense and powerful, and his voice was full of authority. "Go get the tie where you hid it, little one."

Mesmerized by Jimin's power, the girl didn't even blink or say anything as she obeyed, turned around and ran to one of the rooms. Jimin doesn't use hypnosis very often but he has fun every time. She got back with it and handed it to him.

"Thanks." He removed the effect and the little girl blinked a few times before understanding what happened.

The old lady was clearly angry with the girl, but it wasn't Jimin's business. "Well I think that's all. We are going now." Jimin got up from the couch.

"Wait!" The teenager snapped. "Jo lied about the bow to keep the cat, and that's bad, but she already loves him! You can't just take him away!"

Jimin was almost on the door.

"Of course I can. Besides, it's not because what she did is bad, young lady. It's because my friend loves him, actually this cat is Ana's family. No one should live alone, right?"

"Right!" The old lady got up too. "I'll get you to the door, tell our friend we are sorry."

"I will. Thank you." ________________________________________________________________

"You found the cat!" Tae sniffed the back of Jimin's neck. "Where is it?"

Jimin was putting the clothes he was using to wash, to remove the smell of cat and the places he passed by. And to get comfortable, as is his habit when he gets home, he just stayed in his underwear and t-shirt.

"I already gave him back to his owner." In the next second Jimin was dropping himself on the leather couch.

"And how was it? Did she thank you with tears in her eyes?" Tae leaned over the back of the sofa with his chin in his hands.

Jimin chuckled, Taehyung's thirst for drama is funny, and he's always been like that. And at least that doesn't seem to have changed...

"Well... She cried a lot when she found him in the window. She looked really happy!" Jimin sang. He was really happy too. He helped someone to find their smile again, even if it is a little bit, it made him really proud of himself, a warm feeling in his chest telling him it was the right thing to do, and that he should do it again if he gets the opportunity. Taehyung's expression changed, suddenly he was disinterested.

"You didn't even talk to her? Just left the cat there for her to find?"

"Well, yeah." Jimin threw his hair back. "I couldn't risk she recognizing my voice and thinking I was stalking her. Scaring her was not the goal, Tae, quite the contrary..."

Taehyung stared at him in silence for what felt a whole minute - maybe it really was, vampires perceive time differently. "You are not a secret superhero, Jimin. You are a vampire." Said that he got back to his room.

Jimin doesn't understand. These outbursts and mood swings leave him confused. And it's not like he hasn't already tried to talk. This... This he doesn't recognize in Taehyung. It hurt his feelings and at same time he feels it is partially his faut. "I can be both if I want to!" He exclaimed.

No answer. To find somebody who would be happy for him and understand the euphoria he felt for saving a little bit that girl he went through his contact list. A lot of vampire names - a lot is maybe an exaggeration, since he doesn't have many friends at all - who wouldn't be rude, but wouldn't understand, and also some former human colleagues from past jobs with whom he hasn't spoken in a long time and maybe should erase the number... And you. Of course you are the obvious choice. You had sympathy for the case from the beginning, even offered to help. And if it weren't for you he wouldn't have succeeded...

Jimin: hey sweetheart Jimin: I found sushi! Jimin: thanks to you btw He sent the messages, hoping it wouldn't be strange. It wasn't the first time you two texted before, but it was just an exchange of memes and silly flirt... without compromise talk. And what he wanted this time was different. You took too long to answer, and he wondered if you were in class and if he was bothering you. He wanted everything but to mess it up with you right now. Maybe he should've checked your class schedule for the week to make sure he texted you when he was sure you were free. But he was so eager to talk to someone... with you. He gave up waiting and went after doing something productive. Crochet dolls. He was doing a mini Taehyung, with red eyes and little cute fangs - an apology for later, neither of them like fighting with each other, even if you can't call that earlier thing a fight- when his cell phone started to crazily vibrate and beep.

You: OMG! You: thts amazing! You: sorry i didn't aswr before You: I was taking a nap hehe You: anyways You: i'm so happy u found him You: [image.jpg] You: ur friend must be even happier :) You: what do u mean thanx to me? You: sorry i spammed u :( Jimin can't handle you. You are too cute. You literally sent him a photo of you with an enormous smile, cheering, to show him your reaction. And you were with your hair all messed and the puffy face of someone who just woke up. Precious. Jimin: no problem, sweetheart Jimin: you said to look in other owners' houses. basically. I found him with a old cat lady with three grandchildren   Jimin: you are looking cute btw You: OwO You: i'm looking like shit Jimin You: BUT thats awesome You: if it was me id be crying til my eyes fall You weren't even there with him, in person, and you were putting a smile on his face. How dare you say you look like shit when you have those perfect cute cheeks? So alive...

Jimin: EXACTLY. that's why I wanted to find him so much. Jimin: and because you helped me, I want to reward you Jimin: i know you don't work today. me neither. do you want to go out for coffee in a nice place? You took too long to answer again, and that's because your heart is exploding and knees trembling while you stare at your cell phone screen, standing midway in your kitchen. You: u dont need to. i did nothing. This time Jimin took too long to answer. He was making a decision. To be more straightforward. More honest. Until now he was dictating a slow pace for your flirting, because for him romance is like that. But what if he tries to speed things up a bit? Or if he lets you command? How would things be?

Jimin: Y/N, respect my excuse to ask you out.

He knew what your answer would be. Even so, he felt anxious, hearing a non-existent heartbeat in his ear, while the three dots indicated that you were typing.

You: ok. what time do you come to pick me?

Tag List:  @angrygardenerr @depressed-dude20 @milktaetae95 @tangledsparkles  @wlalsrkfla @minikolima​  @wrecklesseuphoria

If you want me to add you to the list let me know, and please let comments :)

[percywinchester27]

A lot like ‘Us’ (Part-2)

Word count: 4.3K

Pairing: Sam X Reader AU

Warnings: Depression, some fluff, the usual

Series Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is eager and honestly, still in awe that she managed to get herself an acceptance from Stanford Law School. On the face of it, her life seems as put together, mysterious and independent as one might hope for. On the insides, she carries the burden of past that haunts her till date. Seemingly, she’d left it all behind; that is until she sets foot in the class of the Law School’s youngest, most promising professor.

A/N: The story employs two different timelines from now on. The present timeline for the story takes place in 2014. Fingers crossed that you guys like this part :)

Beta: The sweetest @deanssweetheart23​. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Athina <3

Read part 1 here

It was, at least, a couple of hours before you found the courage to step out of the bathroom stall and walk out of the campus. With every turn you made, it felt that Sam might be there around the corner. On every bend, you were afraid that you might bump into him. But it wasn’t just that. Every colour looked brighter, every sound seemed sharper. It was as if the bubble of numbness that cocooned you had suddenly burst open and flung you in the middle of the world- raw and naked. Every sense felt more severe.

You were completely and utterly disoriented and exhausted when you turned the key of your apartment and entered. The inside was a brand new mess of boxes and pile ups. You flattened yourself against the wall.

“Hey!”

You looked around the box to see a brunette in all black sitting cross legged on the floor with a vicious cutter in her hand. 

She saw that your gaze had landed on the cutter and waved it around. “This is just for the boxes,” 

Meg.

It had completely slipped your mind that your roommate was supposed to move in today.

You whispered a quick ‘hey’ without looking at her, and rushed to your room. Locking the door, you slid to the floor, wishing for the sharpness to go away, willing your safety bubble to come back. It did not. And the senses, the memories kept assaulting you over and over.

*********************

13th July 2008

“Happy average birthday, Y/N!” Jo squealed in your ears, and you flinched back.

“Happy average birthday to you, too. Also, don’t shout!” You said. “ Do you want to announce it to the whole bar? You’ll get me kicked out 

“You’re 19!” 

“Exactly!” You pointed out. “The legal drinking age in Kansas is 21.”

Joe rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Y/N? Anyone ever told you that you need to loosen the hell up? One beer isn’t going to hurt.”

You gave her a sly look. “You would know, wouldn’t you?”

Jo grinned back. 

“Here!” She slid across a fake id. “I already got you the entry pass if anyone asks. But let’s just stick to beer, shall we? Don’t want you throwing up all over the place in case you can’t keep your liquid down.”

“What if Aunt El finds out?” You whispered.

Jo squinted at you. “Mom will not find out what she doesn’t need to find out. You shut up and I shut up. That’s all there is to it.”

Ellen, Jo’s mom had been your mom’s sister. You didn’t want to get in trouble with anyone here, especially since you were here just for a few weeks. 

“You have that look on your face again,” Jo said. “The one where your eyebrows all scrunch up and you worry the hell out of that tiny little brain. I never know what you’re thinking Y/N!”

You smiled a little at her whiny tone. “There’s not much going on here anyway,” you said, pointing at your head.

She jingled the little frill on the tight, body hugging one piece she had put you in. “Maybe something will go on after tonight!”

“Hey,” you protested. “You’re the one who’s tango-ing with Dean Winchester… or whatever you two have going.”

“Dean Winchester is the one who wants to Tango with me!”

You rolled your eyes. “As if you’re not interested in him at all.”

She gave you a superior look. “He doesn’t need to know that. Who knows? Tonight he just might get lucky.”

You had been here for a little over a week, and were somewhat familiarised with the people of the town: Langdon Wheeler, the guy who sold old cars next to the fire depot; Sheriff Johnson and Old Rufus living outside the barn, but nothing had drawn you in like the story of the Winchesters. Ellen had told you about it over dinner on your second day living with them. John Winchester had been her friend. He and his wife had died in a house fire years ago. Their four year old boy, Dean, had barely ran out of the house with his 6 month old brother when the first floor blew apart, killing the couple. It was the tragedy of the town, repeated over and over on drunken nights in every bar. The boys had both lived with a friend of their father’s and his wife in Sioux Falls, Missouri before Dean was old enough to live by himself and move back here. Secretly, you had believed that it was good for the boys to have lived away from this gossip mongering town. You’d been here barely for a week and everyone was up Ellen’s nose asking for everything there was to know about you. 

Besides, Dean Winchester had made a reputation as the town’s playboy since he’d arrived. Apparently, there were middle aged women knocking on his door every morning with Casseroles and he’d turned them all right back. You knew first hand how miffed women talked, so no wonder Dean was turned into the badboy overnight. It didn’t help that he was extremely handsome- you had seen him a couple of times with Jo- and obviously unachievable. Honestly, you didn’t blame Dean. If those women were gonna snoop into his business and make everyday a funeral for his parents, they got what they deserved. 

Jo had put on a stoic face when you had voiced your opinion at the dinner table, leading you to assume she wasn’t a big fan of the man. It wasn’t until you were laying in bed next to her that she’d gone all out on an epic rant about how the town needed to treat those boys better! Dean was an honest man, who made his living by running the only good auto-body shop in three towns and being flirty wasn’t a capital offense. Snooping into other people’s business should have been though, according to her. 

Jo had dozed off after a while, but you’d stayed up, looking at the cracks in the ceiling of her room, not thinking about Dean Winchester, but about that little boy, who was only 6 months old when a fire took away everything that he had, save one person. Sam Winchester was lucky that he had an older brother to look out for him. God knew, you had always wished for an older sibling even when your parents had been alive. But like Dean, you remembered what your mom looked like, you remembered the sound of your dad’s voice. Sam didn’t have that. It would have been awful growing up without the reassurance of those memories.

The next morning, you had asked Jo about Sam, and earned her sly smirk. “Getting into the story, aren’t you?” She’d said, but told you anyway. No one knew much about Sam except that he went to Stanford and then Yale to become a lawyer. He showed up during the summers but wasn’t seen out and about much. Though that was about to be changed because this had been his last year and he was coming back to Lawrence this weekend for good. Jo had seen him a couple of times at their diner where she helped Aunt El, but that was all she would tell you.

It was like some epic karma. A lawyer from an Ivy League? You didn’t care if it took hounding this poor unsuspecting dude, but you were going to get it out of him how he managed that? He clearly didn’t have influence or money.

After badgering Jo some more, she had agreed to let you tag along to Dean Winchester’s place when his brother got back.

“Hey!” Jo swooshed her hand past your face. “Earth to Y/N?”

“Sorry!” You said quickly.

She looked like she was praying for your awkward social skills. “I’m gonna get us some beers, and you are going to try to get lucky. Capeesh?”

“Capeesh.” Fat chance of that!

You watched her walk towards the bar, sashaying her hips. How did girls do that? How did girls do anything even remotely sexy for that matter?

Then there was you, dying to get out of this dress. It was off shoulder, and you were starting to feel hella cold. Jo or even Ellen for that matter didn’t have to know about your weird cold sensitivity. Should have brought along that sweater.

“You mind if I sit here?” 

You looked up to see this really tall guy standing over you. It was a Friday, and the place was bustling full. There was no other place to sit, while you had three chairs empty right next to you. It would be rude to turn anyone around. Besides, when Jo came back, she’d sush away a stranger, anyway.

“Sure,” you smiled nervously.

He sat down, and you were left to gather your wits for a few moments. The boy was hot. There was literally no other way of saying it. He had long brown wavy hair that fell below his chin, and beautiful hazel eyes.

“Thanks,” he smiled, and dimples appeared at the side of his cheeks.

Speech. You had to actively remember that you had that ability so you could respond… even if it was just a noncommittal shrug.

Oh, what it must be like to be cool. You wanted to keep looking at him and that was exactly why you concentrated all your energy on looking anywhere but him.

After a while of total silence, he asked, “So you’re from around here?”

“Uhh… no,” you said, “I’m just staying at my aunt's place for a bit.”

“Oh, hey! Happy birthday!” He said, holding up the little placard on the cupcake sitting in front of you. 

“Thanks,” you replied, hugging yourself, not wanting to explain that it really wasn’t your birthday. It really was getting cold out here. You saw his eyes flicker towards your hands catching your elbows.

“Celebrating by yourself?” He asked, and you felt a little bad for him trying to make a conversation with you out of decency. He could have used the time to hit on a waitress who could have gotten him a seat by the bar… or more. The least you could do was tell him the truth.

“Actually, it’s not my birthday today. It's in October and I’m here with my cousin whose birthday was in April. Since I’m just visiting for a few weeks, we decided to average it out and celebrate our combined birthday now. She’s here somewhere…” you said and found her in the shadiest corner of the bar, hands wrapped around someone in a leather jacket. Then, discreetly she pulled him towards the back exit with her.

Mr. Hazel eyes followed your stare and groaned. “Uhh they’re gonna be in there for a while.”

You wanted to bang your head against the table. Not that you begrudged Jo her alone time with Dean, but you really didn’t know anyone here. 

“I’m sorry about that,” he said apologetically, running his hand through his hair. It looked so soft. You wanted to touch it. And his eyes were really kind. It made you a little mad that he was sympathetic about the fact that your cousin had ditched you on your combined birthday outing.

“My brother can be an idiot sometimes,” he shrugged, and you realised that he truly was apologising and his words weren’t judging at all. “I can keep you company till Jo gets back.”

Then it hit you.

“Wait! You’re Sam Winchester?” You blurted

He raised an eyebrow. “I can see that my reputation precedes me.” He laughed nervously and you immediately felt contrite. Way to make him feel spied upon.

“No, no,” you explained. “Jo told me about you, is all.”

“Something good I hope,” he mumbled, looking down.

Suddenly you could actually feel your heartbeat, and the blood rising to your cheeks. Here was the one person you had been wanting to meet and he had just walked into a bar and found you instead! Looking like that.

“So you’re Jo’s cousin?” He asked, clearly making the link that Ellen was your aunt. “How’re you liking Lawrence?”

“Not so much,” you answered honestly. “I’m tired of the pitying looks I keep getting.”

“Yeah, I can relate,” he said. 

Of course he could. The bar was crowding up further and more than a few stray glances were making their way towards you. It made you uncomfortable.

“Hey, you wanna get out of here?” Sam asked, then clarified realising how that sounded. “I mean there’s this park right outside. We could wait there till... you know…” he waved his fingers vaguely towards where Dean and Jo had disappeared, light blush creeping up his cheeks.

“Yes!” You said jumping out of the chair. The realisation hit you afresh, how short your skirt was. That’s it, you were never wearing Jo’s clothes again.

Sam stood back and let you pass before him in a true gentleman fashion. You tucked your hair behind your ear, walking ahead, and then out of the bar.

The cold air hit you hard in the face and your naked shoulders, making you shiver.

“Here,” Sam offered you his jacket. He had shirked out of it as he’d walked behind you. “Take this.”

Ordinarily, you’d never had accepted, but it was either that or freezing your fingers off.

“Thanks.” You reached for it shyly, pulling it on and rolling up the really long sleeves. The jacket was so big that it was just barely shorter than your dress. It was pleasantly warm and smelled wonderful.

You had the sudden, maddening urge to move closer to Sam. Of course, thanks to the tiny logical part of your brain that wasn’t short-circuiting, you did not act on it.

Now that he was walking next to you, you noticed what he was wearing- A dark flannel open over the well-worn brown t-shirt and jeans. They were about as ordinary as clothes went, yet he managed to make them look so good.

“Hey, can I ask you something,” he said hesitantly. “Why did you say you were tired of the pitying looks?”

You glanced at him and blurted the truth. “I’m the new attraction, I suppose. My parents died in a car crash when I was five and I’ve lived with my grandmother in a small town a hundred miles south of Topeka since. I really don’t have any other relatives except aunt Ellen and Jo.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sam said, sincerely. He was keeping up with your slow pace. “That sounds awful.”

You shook your head. “No, all things considered, I’ve had a good life. Grandma loves me, and she has always reminded me that I am important to her. I know of kids who’ve lived with a full family and felt neglected, like they were never needed.”

When Sam didn’t reply, you turned to see that he was regarding you thoughtfully. “That’s one way to look at it,” he said after a while.

“You would know.”

He shrugged, acknowledging the obvious- you knew about his childhood. You had already reached the park bench. It overlooked a lovely little pond with ducks resting on the fringes. 

You huddled in the jacket, drawing all the warmth from it.

“So, you said, you were staying with Ellen just for a while?” He asked, turning to face you with his undivided attention, like it was somehow vital for him to know the answer to that. Meanwhile, you were having a hard time concentrating on the conversation when he was looking at you like that.

You trained your eyes on your fingers which rested in your lap. “Yeah, I’m hoping to hear from a few colleges.”

Sam perked up. “Really?” 

You grinned up at him sheepishly. “I was actually hoping to run into you.”

He looked surprised at first, then his gaze turned skywards. “Well, will you look at that, my stars have finally aligned. This really is my night,” he said with a wink and you couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your lips.

His eyes softened.

“I’m hoping to get admitted into pre-law for the winter semester. I’m still applying to a few places. And you… well, you seem to have managed to do well for yourself.”

Sam laughed, but there was nothing conceited about it… if anything, he looked slightly embarrassed. 

“C’mon,” you goaded, “What’s the secret to making it big?”

He narrowed his eyes, as if choosing his words. “I don’t know if there is a secret. My brother would tell you, I got in because I am the geekiest nerd to ever exist… and as lame as it sounds, he might actually be right.”

You laughed. This was the most that you had laughed in ages. It was just so easy to talk to him. 

“You know, I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer. For as long as I can remember.” It was the one thing you had wanted with a burning passion.

“And you will be,” he said, simply. 

You rubbed your palms against each other for friction, to imbibe some more warmth. Sam’s fingers moved, like he was reaching out. Then he pulled back, as if he thought better of it.

“I know you must have crazy high school girls running after you all the time, but if it’s not too much, will you take a look at my application essays? I don’t know anyone who’s done this before- the whole college thing, I mean- so this would be great help.”

He licked his bottom lip, then gulped. “Of course. It’s the least I can do. You can come by the house anytime you want.” Then he made a big deal of looking behind his back. “I don’t see any crazy high school girls though.”

Laughter sounded behind you, and you immediately recognised Jo’s voice. She must’ve come looking for you. 

Sam looked in the direction of the voices, then let out a nervous huff before reaching out for your hand. His palm was rough but also very warm. “Happy average birthday, Y/N,” he whispered. “I’m so very glad to have met you.”

*********************

There was a loud bang and you woke up with a start, your heart hammering out of your chest. You had fallen asleep on the floor right next to your door.

“Sorry!” A voice yelled from outside the door.

You looked around bewildered. Where were you? What was happening? 

Oh, this was your new room at Stanford. One easy breath later, it all came crashing down. The class, Sam standing there on the podium, looking at you with shocked eyes.

It had all happened, really happened. 

Your hand flew to your chest. You were simply incapable of comprehending this situation… everything was still sharper and clearer… and Sam was here.

There was a knock on the door. “Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah,” you called back. “Just tired.”

“Whatever,” Meg said, and you heard the sounds of footsteps walking away.

You dragged yourself to the bed and lay on it, wishing that you could just zone out, wishing that you could just go back to being numb. It did not happen.

You spent most of the night blankly staring into space, only falling asleep when the sun came up again. In fact, if you didn’t have to use the bathroom, you wouldn’t have left the bed at all, even on the day that followed.

By Friday evening, the emptiness was eating at your insides so much that you finally decided to dress up and step out of the room. The door to Meg’s room was closed. A small part of you wanted to knock on it and apologise for being so rude, but most of you just wanted to run away from not just yourself but from existence itself. 

Stepping outside the apartment and into the meadow seemed to liven your senses in a good way, so you walked out onto the street. It wasn’t to clear your head, more like to fill it with something to think about that wasn’t Sam or the absolute horror you felt about going back to classes.

You had worked your ass off for the past several years, both to earn the money to move, and the LSAT score and scholarship that let you into Stanford, and now you were simply blowing all that off by not attending the classes. In fact each minute of Thursday and Friday had felt like a heavy stone of anxiety slowly lowering itself in your stomach… Each minute that you had missed the classes. However, the  thought of facing Sam after what had happened, absolutely petrified you. 

Somehow being on the street amidst people who didn’t know you or didn’t care, quieted the storm in your head enough to think things through. You had two options. First to go back to College, and pretend like Sam didn’t exist for you outside the persona of a professor, that he was nothing more than a person you saw each day. That seemed absolutely impossible.

Second option was to run away, far from all of this, far from Sam. Again. 

You mulled over to two options again and again, roaming around aimlessly till you were back in front of the apartment gate. Sighing, you pushed it open and found yourself looking at a jolly sight. 

Along the parapet of the fountain, sat Kevin with Jack and a couple others. They were laughing about something, in fact, Jack seemed in hysterics. You stopped in your tracks.

Kevin noticed you standing there.

“Hey, Y/N!”

“Hey,” you said, over conscious of the state of your appearance. Your clothes were faded and thanks to the humidity, your hair stuck to your face, greasy and rough at the same time.

“Cas,” Kevin said to the one guy you didn’t know, “This is Y/N!”

“Y/N, this is Castiel,” he added. “You, of course, know Pam.”

Pamela Barnes was the landlord, so you had met her before. What you didn’t know is that everyone just hung out in the evening with her. She lived in one of the ground floor apartments. Easy to keep a watch on everyone like that. From what you knew, she was a bartender in one of the more popular bars in the town.

You said your hellos shyly. The awkward interaction was thankfully interrupted by a pizzaman. 

“Oh, wonderful,” Jack exclaimed. “Right on time.”

“I’ll see you guys then,” you said, slowly backing away.

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” Kevin exclaimed. “The pizza is for everyone.”

“Oh, I can’t possibly intrude.”

“You’re not intruding,” Pam said. “It’s our ‘welcome to the apartment’ free pizza ritual.”

“What?” Cas gave her a look. “I didn’t get one!”

Pam kicked him in the shin, and it made you smile. “Of course you did. I just decided to keep it for myself.”

“C’mon, in,” she said, turning towards her flat.

You considered making a run for it, but didn’t see how it would work. Kevin kept you company, prattling on about everyone. Pam had two apartments to herself on the ground floor. With all the walls knocked down, it made one cool living room and three spacious bedrooms. It was a dream house of sorts. The third apartment on the ground floor was empty. 

The first and second floor were either university kids or people who worked in the town. There was one married couple who was grossly in love with each other and did not interact with anyone else. And then the three apartments on the third floor. Kevin and Jack Kline, who was majoring in literature from University, lived in the first apartment. Then you and Meg in the flat next to them and opposite to you, lived Castiel Novak, Third year of Med school. 

“So, Y/N, how’s Stanford treating you?”

Like a punching bag.

“It’s been good for most part,” you said, tucking your hair behind your ear.

Maybe it was because you were in proper company for the first time in a week or because you hadn’t eaten anything in two days, but the pizza tasted good. The tang of the tomatoes was perfectly balanced by the gooeyness of the cheese. 

An involuntary moan left you as you took in another bite and four pairs of eyes turned towards you. You could feel the blood rushing to your face.

“Now that’s how you enjoy pizza,” Jack said. “Y’all don’t know anything about enjoying food. Maybe Y/N could bring some culture to this place. You heathens need it!”

Everyone laughed at that. The knot in your chest loosened.

“Hey, Cas,” Pam called. “Grab that 6 pack on your way from the kitchen.”

“Sure!”

You took another tentative bite of the pizza. It really did taste great.

“Y/N?” 

You looked up to see Pam holding a pint over you.

“Er- “

“Here,” Kevin said, handing you a can of coke. “Y/N isn’t much of a drinker.”

“Oh, cool!” nodded Jack. And just like that everyone was okay with it.

You reached out to take the can. “You remembered,” you said through a strangled voice.

Kevin brushed it off with a raise of his shoulders, like it was nothing. “Of course I remembered. We are all so glad that you joined us for dinner, Y/N!”

And he meant it. He really did.

You felt tears press the edges of your eyes. You didn’t know if Kevin noticed, but if he did, he didn’t show it and the conversation flowed around you.

So the second option was out. You couldn’t run away from this. You had yearned for seven years to finally be here, to feel little things, little joys like these… and there was so much more to experience. 

That left you with only one alternative… facing Sam. Maybe, just maybe you could manage to live your life without him affecting you like that. Afterall, he was only your professor now, you weren’t expected to interact with him on any level. It was only a matter of two semesters.

“More pizza?” Cas asked kindly and you nodded. 

That decided it for you. You were going to take your life in your hands and you were going to walk into that class on Monday morning and never look back.

*************************

A/N 2: The blankness and the bubble that dulls all senses; that’s how I’ve experienced depression. And the sudden sharpness of senses is how I recognised that the worst of it was behind me. Have you guys experienced it differently?

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[be-the-spark-flyboy]

Crush

A/N: I had way too much fun writing this. Thx @writefightandflightclub​ for making me a Poe hoe ;)

Pairing: Poe x reader (fem!)

Warning: Swearing, suggestive themes, fluff, Poe Dameron

Word count: 2.1k

Summary: The crush you have on Poe is common knowledge, but what is he going to do with that information?

PART 2 - Tension 

You and Poe were smashed up together in a broom closet. Not in the sexy, “their chest pressed against each other, his breath fanning their face” way. More like sweaty, gross and stuck in an awkward position, manner. His shoulder was digging into your hips. Poe had knelt down in that tiny space to retrieve the data chip you had dropped in your haste to shove yourself in the hiding spot and lo and behold, he got stuck. You tried not to pass out from the excessive heat and the leather jacket you wore wasn't helping in the least.

“….I don’t think we thought this through very well,” you mumbled from above him.

“I could have told you that about ten fuck ups ago.” Poe shot back, leaning his head against the door with a thump. You winced at the sound though no one could have heard it from the outside. Music blared in every corner of the club. You moved to peel the layer of leather off yourself.

“What are you doing?“ Poe hissed at you. You were sure you could've spotted an irritated scowl on his face if there was any amount of lighting in the broom closet. But you couldn't bring yourself to care at the moment.

“I’d do you more harm than good if I passed out,“ you huffed. Poe shifted to make more room for you but it was inevitable that your chest was going to brush up against his head at one point. It was not at all awkward when the heavy leather smacked against the back of his head when you finally managed to shrug it off. You whispered an apology.

Your face burned and you still felt warm despite having removed the leather jacket. Maybe things wouldn't have been so awkward if the entire base hadn't known about the colossal crush you had on the man on his knees before you. You were more than sure Poe knew too. Word traveled like wildfire in the resistance. You really would’ve thought twice before joining the game of truth or dare if you just weren't so shit faced that day. Or if you knew you were to join him on a mission less than two months after the unfortunate incident. 

After what felt like an eternity, the music finally stopped and the doors slammed shut after the last pair of foot shuffled out, leaving the whole place in eerie silence. Poe passed you his blaster.

“Alright, I think we’re clear,” he signaled and you blasted the lock, the door swinging open with the force. You practically moaned when the cool air hit your face as you stumbled out. Poe tumbled out in a graceless heap behind you, swearing when he could finally stretch his legs out.  

“At least we got the chip,“ you tried not to sound so exhausted. “Now we can head back.” Poe nodded. You collected the discarded jacket from the floor and the two of you left.

------------------------------------------------

Poe hung his head in defeat and sighed heavily. He had been looking out the window at the heavy storm whipping around since you both had decided it would be unwise to try and fly in this weather. You’d taken a nice warm shower and now laid on the motel bed, datapad in hand trying to decode the chip. 

The entire mission had been unbelievably draining as you and Poe spent the past 6 days trailing the target halfway across the galaxy to every kind of sketchy settlement you could think of. You’d barely slept, tracking his ship for days. The past two days were worse. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. From the both of you almost getting caught trying to sneak into the target’s room, to you getting locked in a walk-in freezer and the both of you being trapped in that broom closet for at least 2 whole hours. And for the cherry on top, your feelings towards Poe only seemed to get stronger, while the man showed no signs of reciprocating any of it. That hurt a little. 

You absent-mindedly curled your damp hair around your fingers, trying to focus your blurry eyes on the datapad as Poe finally moved away from the window. He laid on the bed facing you, with his head propped up against his knuckles. 

“You know you don’t have to finish this right away right? Go get some rest, you can finish up at the base tomorrow.“ He said. You just stared at him. You couldn't help yourself. Maker, he was gorgeous. A crown of curly dark hair sitting so perfectly on his head. His shirt unbuttoned at the top giving you the barest hint of his chest. His lips parted slightly as he gave you an inquisitive look. Only then did you register his words. You cleared your throat, abruptly looking anywhere but at him, hoping you hadn't stared too long. Hoping he hadn't noticed.

“Um, you should get some rest too,” you choked out, mildly surprised you could even find your voice. Poe’s lips curled up into a teasing smirk at how quickly colour had risen to your face. Of course he noticed, that damn bastard. 

“Then you wouldn't mind if I shared your bed, would you?“ Now you just stared at him in disbelief. What? Oh no. Oh no no no.

“What’s wrong with yours?“ you asked. You didn’t mean to sound that rude but Poe didn’t seem to mind. Your brain promptly proceeded to short circuit as he pushed himself up on his elbows straight into your personal space.

“Nothing, it's just so cold sleeping alone,“ he answered. “I promise I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he said giving you a dopey smile. Then fell back into the pillow beside yours and made himself comfortable. 

No, you didn't want him to keep his hands to himself. Why did the universe hate you so much? You wanted nothing more than for Poe to kiss the living daylights out of you. And yet he was right there lying not a foot away from you, making no move, giving you no other hint that he might, somewhere deep in his heart, have some sort of feelings towards you too.

The storm continued howling outside the window, and you decided that you’d at least get some sleep before the sun came up. Switching the lights off, you slipped under the covers and faced the ceiling, willing sleep to claim you. 

It didn't. You tossed around a few times trying to get more comfortable but nothing did it. And it started getting colder as the storm only got stronger.

“You still awake?“ Poe asked. You turned around to face him, clutching your blankets closer to yourself. “Are you cold?”

You shook your head at that. Just then, a violent shudder went down your spine. “N-no I'm n-not,” you insisted, shivering. There was enough light streaming in from the streets outside for you to recognize the amused look on his face.

“Well, I'm cold. Can I come closer?“ Poe tried again.

You were sure if you tried to speak your teeth would just start chattering. So you opted to just nod your head. Poe shifted closer to you and wrapped an arm around you pulling you into him. You immediately melted into his warmth.

“Is this okay?” his voice dropped lower now and you nodded once again, already feeling yourself drifting off.

---------------------------------------

The morning light  gently streamed in from the windows as Poe woke up feeling so warm and soft like he was going to sink right down to the bottom of the bed. His head was resting against your chest and your arms were wrapped around his neck. His arm was going numb under your waist but Poe didn't want to move. He just moved his arm from your waist and twisted around to check the time. It still wasn’t too late into the day so he decided he was going to bask in your warmth a little longer. Sure you wouldn’t mind.

A little more than a month ago, Poe had literally dragged Snap along with him to you when he heard about “the cute engineer girl with a crush on Poe”. He promptly lost all of his guts when Snap found you in the cantina with your nose buried in a book, chewing on a pen in your hand. You seemed so focused on your task at hand, the steaming cup of caf forgotten on the table beside you. A few strands of hair that escaped your messy bun, fell framing your face. You sat at one corner of the cantina in your own world, paying absolutely no mind to anything happening around you. He’ll never admit that he sat a few tables away and stared at you the whole time, watching you go about your day, like a total creep. He lost his favourite jacket to Snap that day to keep him silent about it. 

After that, he’d see you around the base quite often, but you always seemed busy with something or surrounded with people and he’d tell himself he’ll talk to you next time. Until that fateful day when Leia had summoned Poe to brief him on his next mission. “Retrieving” a set of blueprints from a first-order sympathizer, paired with the resistance's best electrical engineer. Who so happened to be you. You had shaken his hand with a professional smile. No hint of whatever crush he had heard of. 

He had gone back to Snap and grilled him about the details. How did he know about you? When did it happen? Was he sure it's true? Snap told him to not overthink and just go the fuck to sleep.

After the two of you had left base, you’d behaved professionally albeit a little nervous about your first field mission. Poe had tried to reassure you that you’d be fine and every time you’d smile at him and say “Thanks Poe,” in a soft voice. And every time Poe would nod and walk away before you could see the colour rapidly rise in his face.

Now here he was, wrapped up in your arms and your leg thrown over his, the sleep shorts you were wearing barely covering much of your thighs. He really didn’t mean to sound like a creepy stalker, but he just couldn’t pull those thoughts out of his head when it came to you. Maybe it was the fact that he knew that you were attracted to him too.

Poe was almost fully convinced that the rumour about your crush on him was fake, until you’d stared at him like that the night before. Like you where going to jump him right there. And he wanted you to. He would’ve toyed with you way sooner if he’d known this is how the two of you would end up. Tangled up in sheets in the bed together, though not in the way he wanted but this was quite enough for him.

You slowly started shifting. Poe thought you had finally awaken but you just sleepily tugged him closer to you and buried your face in his hair. Now Poe was sure his heart was beating out of his chest. You suddenly seem to realize your compromising positioning. You had absolutely no memory of how you ended up cuddling Poe, and your entire body felt suddenly felt hot from the embarrassment. Hoping he wasn’t awake yet, you jerked your face away from his hair and quickly went to untangle your limbs from his. But Poe held you in place.

“There’s still time, we don’t have to leave yet.“ Poe told you, his gravelly voice sending shivers down your spine. He shifted his head to look up at you. “I mean, if you’re okay with it?“ His big brown eyes hooded with sleep made you melt on the spot, and of course you agreed.

Satisfied with you answer, Poe went back to nuzzling your neck. You willed yourself to calm down before he heard your heart jack-hammering against your ribs. Poe slid his palm from your waist to your thigh, hoisting you leg higher up his hips and every thought flew right out of you head. 

Poe started grazing the tip of his nose against your neck and the only thing you could focus on was not trembling against him. Heat pooled between your legs as he continued his merry way up your neck and then back down again, this time brushing his lips against your skin. Your breath came in shallow pants as he dragged his teeth along your collarbone, soothing the sting with tiny kitten licks. You could’ve sworn you felt his lips part in a smile when you tangled your fingers in his thick curls. Your eyes fell shut on its own accord when he wrapped his lips around your skin and sucked. You couldn’t stop the broken whimper that slipped past your lips. 

Poe fucking Dameron, commander of the black squadron, resistance’s best pilot and grade A asshole, decided that he was going to pull away from you at that exact fucking moment. You sat up in confusion as he got up from the bed, looked at you with wide-eyed innocence and said, “We gotta leave soon if you wanna get back to base on time.” Then left you there with a look of disbelief etched all over your face.

He did NOT just-

[capricornus-rex]

Hiya! Still taking any requests? If so, can you write something about Cal and JediReader finally settle down and have a kid or something. I literally binged your materialist in one night until I realized the sun was coming out. I love your writing so much btw! It’s BEAUTIFUL!!!! 💕 (I’m saving your inquisitorCal fic until I finish my classes for this semester. I can’t wait for the pure heartbreak😖)

Hi Anon! Sorry you’ve waited so long ;;A;; I had to finish the prompts that came before yours. Anyway, your prompt has helped me fix up the fic idea I had in the middle of writing another fic so thank you for that! And also thanks for liking what I post! ^w^ Hope you enjoy this fic! 💕

“A Legacy Begun” | Chapter 1: What Comes Next | Cal Kestis x Reader

Summary: After a long time of running and fighting, you and Cal decided to finally settle down to raise a family. However, it was never a life of peace whilst the shadow of the Empire looms over your heads.

Additional prompt: My fic idea

Tags: Scruffy! Cal Kestis, Daddy! Cal Kestis, Adult! Cal Kestis, Jedi Family, Jedi Offspring, Settling Down, Rebel Alliance

Also posted in AO3

Next: Part 2 | Masterlist

1 of ?

“Where to now?” the young man asked to everyone.

The crew exchanged glances. Cere stepped in.

“It’s up to you to decide, Cal,”

“I think we should just take a breather,”

Cal charted a course back to Bogano. All this action has taken a great toll on everyone. During the jump to hyperspace, the crew dispersed—back to their own activities—while you plopped down on the couch, Cal sat next to you, barely allowing an inch of space between you, and your little adopted Bogling peeks under the lounge’s center table. It chittered but you quickly put a finger against your lips, hoping that the animal would understand your gesture. You and Cal shared a secretive chuckle, glancing at the cockpit to see if Greez had heard.

“I don’t think he heard,” Cal whispered.

“Good,”

You link arms with Cal and rested your head against his shoulder, he planted a kiss on your forehead as he nestled himself by your side. Your free hand extended to the Holocron—now reduced to shards—and a single crystalline nugget gravitated to your fingers; raising it up so it aligns with the overhead light, the prism glowed yellow as you turned it in different angles, the specks of impurity within the crystal appeared like glitters.

While you gaze at the remains of the relic, mesmerized, Cal started to shift in his seat. He rested his head on your lap and buried his face against your abdomen. You chuckle at his gesture, but you were totally endeared, your eyes wandered to the cauterized part of his jumpsuit’s armor while running his fingers through his hair.

“How’s your rib?” you purred.

“The sting’s still there, but bearable,”

“I think I have something for that back in the abode,”

“I leave it to you, doc,” he cooed.

His hand reached for your cheek, ever so lovingly he caressed the curve of your skin while his eyes trace every inch of your face; you spot the involuntary upward curls of his lips as you nuzzled your nose against his palm, your tired Jedi drifted off to sleep in the middle of the journey.

An hour later, Cal awakes by the rumble of the Mantis landing on Bogano’s soil.

“We’re here,” you announce softly.

“Five more minutes,” he groaned, tossing to his right so he can wrap his arms around you and buried his face into your abdomen again.

“Honey, we’re home,” you tussled his hair, trying to get him up. “You can take a nap when we get to the abode.”

Cal was childishly uncooperative, continuously coaxing him to get up because your legs are starting to go numb from his weight.

“Alright, alright, I’m up!” he exerted, sitting up from his comfortable headrest that is your lap and finding the strength to plant the balls of his feet back on the floor.

It was midday when you arrived in Bogano, the shorter way back to the abode was hopping from one mesa to the other where the roofs of the huts dotted the land. Upon entering, you’ve already reached the second floor of the abode and turned to the archway tunnel that connects the abode itself to the second level of the bedroom.

The living quarters was dim but BD-1 scampered off of Cal’s shoulder to switch on the power. White lights glowed to life and illuminated the entire bedroom, the redhead staggered to the bed, plopped himself and proceeded to lie flat on his back against the mattress. His hands lazily searched for the straps of his armor, unfastening the buckles, undoing the buttons of the shirt underneath the leather chestplate, and finally unzipping the top of his jacket.

When all of his upper clothing was shed, Cal felt liberated. A sight of relief escaped his lungs while you gathered a Bacta gauze and tape. You brushed aside the left flap of his jacket, revealing the stab wound—blood had dried and curdled into a maroon crust around the flesh and the body water had pooled on top of the damaged skin.

“Just a few more inches up and he’d pierced your heart,”

He takes your hand and places it above his heart.

“Still here, but I could’ve sworn you’ve taken it already,”

You rolled your eyes, scoffed laughingly, “Smooth.”

A crisp, pastel green square covered the circular wound, secured with medical tape. You briskly caressed Cal’s jaw and kissed his forehead.

“Go get some rest,” you cooed. “You’ve earned it, my love.”

He nodded obediently, continuing his nap from the Mantis as his eyelids drooped and his features softened. You watched him drift off again.

Evening fell upon Bogano. Cal had the longest yet nicest slumber he’s ever had in years. He wakes up and finds you absent in the bedchamber, he stepped out of the abode, climbing back up to the mesa’s surface. He spotted you lying down on the grass, wobbling your leg leisurely as you stared at the deep blue blanket of sky.

Cal joined you on the cool bed of grass, putting a flower he had plucked before lying flat on his back next to you.

“Something on your mind?” Cal began.

“Not really. I just missed the night sky here, it’s all so peaceful,” you sighed. “Just a few weeks ago, we were hopping between planets—so much has happened in every one we’ve been to—and all of that to save the next generation of Jedi. It’s kinda poetic.”

Cal had no response to that, although he almost had the exact same thing in mind. Another thing entered his head, though he wasn’t ready to say it yet. He decided it was a talk for another time, allowing himself to enjoy the present with you.

“What do you think happens now, Cal?” you curiously inquired.

“I don’t know, honestly,”

The pair of young Jedi exchanged glances, trading short, awkward smiles, both speaking an expression that painted an uncertainty of what the future holds for them. Fingers interlocked with one another as their eyes glanced at the sky, as if hoping the stars had the answer for them.

—–

A year and a half has passed since Cal Kestis destroyed Eno Cordova’s holocron.

The Mantis crew eventually found another refuge: the remote planet of Cerinda, located in the Mid Rim where the hand of the Empire almost stretches thin. The rich countryside of the planet attracted everyone—including Greez to some extent, given that he was after the seeds and sources of food that can help step up his culinary game.

You and Cal have made a hobby of strolling across the spaciousness of the land every now and then to get some fresh air. Like today, the two of you sat in the sea of grass—the meadows filled your eyes with the brightest green, sweet and cool water sourced from the waterfalls and rivers irrigated the soil, and the weather was simply divine.

“Your stubble’s growing out” you pointed.

Cal massaged his jaw, the hairs pricked his fingertips as he ran them across his face.

“Should I get rid of it?”

You shake your head, you couldn’t repress the grin forming in your lips, “No, I’d rather you keep it.”

In the corner of your eye, the waterfall’s mist became a prism against the sunlight, spreading the rays of light to where you and Cal sat. The two of you approached the basin, your fingers glided across the water, forming ripples that expanded and then panned towards the waterfall itself. You and Cal waded on its shore, stepping closer until the water has reached the middle of your boots.

You started a water war when you playfully splashed Cal, nearly wetting his hair, he retaliated when he used both hands to scoop water and throw it to you.

“You’ll never get me!” you laughed, running away from the pond before Cal could have a chance to pour a handful of water on your head.

“Not if I can help it!” he cheered back, chasing you with the water running out drop by drop.

When he got close enough, water rained over you—wetting your clothes especially on your back and shoulders—and he gleefully snatched you up; wrapping his arms around your waist, lifting you inches above the ground, and you spinning you around as both of you filled the air with laughter.

He lost balance when he has spun enough times to stumble back on the ground. You’re still laughing out whatever’s left of you as the grass tickled your skin. Cal crawled and stood on fours over you, he cupped your jaw and closed in to kiss you—it was tender and luscious, when he pulled away, you found his sweet smile greeting you back.

The fresh breeze has picked up, the two of you continued to lounge in the fragrant grass whose length reached your breasts when sitting up; every once in a while, Cal would find himself staring at you and thinking about the question that popped into his mind a year ago in Bogano. Back then, he didn’t think that that exact moment was the best time to say it; now at the present, he still wasn’t so sure, but he figured that it’d be best to test the waters—now that things seemed to have toned down.

You turned to see Cal looking at you, but his eyes appeared to be in deep thought.

“What is it, Cal?”

Your soft-toned question somehow jolted him back into reality, realizing too late that he has zoned out too much just thinking about the entire topic. He began stammering, trying to string together the right words that he has been mentally practicing a few times now.

“Listen, I’ve meaning to ask you something—ever since Bogano, actually, but I just didn’t think it was the right time for it, and I really didn’t think that I would find myself asking it,”

The tinge of seriousness in his tone suddenly made your stomach sink, but you waited for him to finish. He knelt on one knee, level to your sitting height, and you could’ve sworn you felt your heart skip a beat and a shiver run down your spine under a sunny afternoon.

“[y/n] [l/n], will you give me the biggest honor to marry me?”

At the very moment, your heart gave out what ought to be the biggest beat in your entire lifetime. Little did you know that at the top of the hill, Cere was standing there, surveying the land in search of the pair of you—she had secretly witnessed Cal proposing to you and you giving him the best answer you could have ever given him. The woman smiled to herself, somewhat getting secondhand joy from what she had witnessed.

“Yes,” you gasped. Overjoyed, you repeated your answer in a medley of crying and laughing. “YES, CAL KESTIS, YES!!”

Cal huffed out the tension that he has been choking himself with, he was unable to control the upward curls that were growing along his lips. He threw himself towards you, pulling you in abruptly, thanking you in the form of kisses and bursting in laughter.

“Really?”

“Yes, to the ends of the galaxy, yes!”

The joy in his heart was so great that he’s simply acting out of impulse. He snatched you up once more, his hold tighter than the last, and buried his face on the crook of your neck as he slightly spun you again. You latched onto him so tight that for a moment, time seemed to have stopped ticking, and the next moment felt like cloud nine.

The two of you returned to the ship, hand in hand, the first one to greet you was Cere. A smirk on her face suggested that she may or may not know what had just transpired.

“Well, you two seem awfully happy,”

“Come inside with us, we want everyone to know,” Cal beckoned.

Cere chuckled but only within her earshot, she followed the two of you into the ship.

Out of excitement, BD-1 scampered off of Cal’s shoulder to the center of the table in the lounge and started chirping a string of notes at everyone.

“Don’t spoil the surprise, BD!” Cal cooed.

“What did BD say?” Merrin asked, on behalf of everybody in the ship.

There was brief pause, Cal turned to you, wordlessly giving you the honors to bear the news. You took a deep breath.

“I’m engaged!” you declared.

The ship was filled with gasps and hushed exclamations. Merrin’s jaw dropped, she put away the extra plants that she had harvested from the terrarium, rushing to both of you in a hug. Cere laughed in a celebratory joy and Greez swooned, witnessing him being genuinely affectionate and supportive—which he rarely does.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Greez beamed.

“In three days, we’d like to keep it simple,” Cal replied.

The Nightsister braced you on the shoulders, “We definitely have to find you a dress!”

[accio-lo-ki]

remember all the things we wanted

KC Bingo – Prompt: Bracelet 

@klaroline-events​

read on ao3

-

The feel of the sun against pale, porcelain skin inspires a tinge of nostalgia that Caroline tries not to dwell upon. Memories of summer camps in Virginia, going on picnics with her mom on the sheriff’s rare days off, and aiming hoses during water fights with her best friends try to seep into her mind, and she lets them in with a slight smile. There’s been minimal contact over the past few years since she moved to London, but she knows the kind of bond they shared since she was in first grade doesn’t let up that easily.

It’s rarely hot in London, and even now with the sun directly in contact with her face and gleaming against the diamond bracelet she hasn’t taken off in five years, it’s only barely warm. There are still dark, looming clouds on the horizon, and Caroline knows better than to leave her handy umbrella at home, even if it occupies most of the space in her handbag. There’s a slight skip to her steps, hands wrapped securely around the coffee she bought for her and her roommate. She briefly wonders if she should stop to drink it before heading to work or if she’s already running late as it is, but shrugs the thought off. Coffee first. Bitch boss later.

Cami’s quick to open the door upon the less than graceful banging she did with her foot, bright smile in place and already in her work uniform. She met the blonde almost six months ago at the pub where she’s working at as a bartender when Caroline was new to London. Camille (who goes by Cami) had been delighted to meet another American so far from home and their conversation brought them to Caroline asking whether the girl knew anyone in need of a place to stay since she’s short of a roommate. The bartender turns out to be the perfect candidate with her lease almost up and they hit it off pretty quickly afterwards. In two weeks time, the bedroom opposite hers is occupied and they’ve been living together since.

“We’re out of coffee,” Cami greets her sheepishly.  

Caroline rolls her eyes and moves past her to place the steaming paper cups on the counter. “No shit. It was your turn to do the groceries, remember?”

“I’m sorry!” The blonde pleads. “You know I’ve been seeing someone and he’s just…”

“I know. He’s hot, rich, very British, duh, and totally out of your league.” Caroline recites the words like clockwork before perking up.  “Maybe he can accompany you to the store, make it a grocery shopping date! That’d be fun. Make sure he brings his card, too.”

Cami just gives her a look that makes her crack up.

“Fine, fine. I’ll try to stop by the store sometime this week, but you owe me! You know I need my coffee in the mornings and so do you.”

“Thank you, Care,” Cami grins before sighing. “I really can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s perfect. I mean, there’s a lot of baggage there, sure, but nothing I can’t handle. I really, really, like him.”

Caroline can’t help but smile at the slightly dazed look on her roommate’s face. “That’s great. I’m happy for you, Cami, I truly am, but I am also running late. I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll grab dinner,” she calls out to Caroline right before she makes it out the door.

“Good!”

-

Caroline admits that she’s having a shitty day. First, waking up to no coffee and having to buy one from the nearest café which is, like, five blocks away so is it really near? Second, running late to work because of said emergency coffee run. Third, getting a half hour lecture about punctuality from her boss and barely concealing the urge to bitch slap her. And now, as said boss thought it was a perfect punishment to drown her in paper works for the day, missing the tube and having to either walk home or catch a cab. Both options are, well, crap.

Now, phone pressed to her ear and trying her hardest to swallow the lump in her throat as she watches the taxi’s meter go up by the minute (she lasted ten minutes walking before the sky poured, so now she’s a shivering, wet mess who’s about to have an unnecessary dent in her wallet), she fights back a frustrated scream at Cami’s words on the other end of the line.

“I know it’s like, totally last minute, but we had dinner and he dropped me off and I invited him for tea because he hates coffee and now he’s here and I think I’m going to ask him to stay the night. Care?”

Caroline closes her eyes tight before sighing. “Fine. I’m going to need to pick up my things, though, and call my friend to ask if I can stay over.”

“Right, Bethany something–“

“Bekah,” she corrects.

“Bekah, yes! Anyways, Caroline, you’re literally an angel. Thank you so much. I will owe you so much after this. And I can introduce you guys without it being awkward ‘cause you’ll only be here for like, fifteen minutes!”

Caroline finally cracks a smile at her friend’s thrilled tone, bidding her goodbye before hanging up. She rarely witnesses Cami become an overexcited fool, especially over a guy, and she truly is happy for the other blonde–even if she is kicking her out on one of the worst bad days of Caroline’s life since she moved to London.

She hears the accented voice before she can even push her key in, and she almost starts at how familiar it sounds. Alas, she’s in Britain, and how many men with the same accent will unnerve her before she gets used to it? Trying to brush a few clumpy strands of hair from her face so she could at least try to look presentable, Caroline pushes the door open.

The sight that greets her leaves her trapped at the doorway, bag hitting the floor with a loud thud and breath leaving her parted lips. Instantly she’s assaulted with memories she’s tried so hard to bury and forget; fingertips tracing deep dimples on stubbled cheeks, hands clutching dark blonde curls, the heat of a palm in stark contrast to the coldness of the bracelet clasped securely on her wrist, the best kisses and nights of her life, whispered ‘I love you’s’ against plump red lips, and then the hurt–mind-numbing, crippling hurt, pain that makes her throat close up even now, almost two years later, pain that she’s so sure she’ll carry heavily on her chest until she dies.

“Nik,” she breathes out.

He’s frozen on his spot, too, standing rigidly in the middle of her living room in a dark blue Henley and jeans, hands clenched in fists at his sides, jaw tensed and barely breathing. His hair is shorter, but the curls are still there, sitting atop his head in sinful swirls. He looks good­–better, even, than the last time she saw him (angry eyes gleaming with traitorous tears, pale cheeks and pain, pain, pain).

“Caroline,” he says her name the same, like it’s a prayer, like every letter is made to come out from his lips and only his, like nothing has changed and they both do not have invisible yet permanent scars from the last time they saw each other.

The urge is still there, to launch herself at him, feel the hard lines of his body against hers again after so long, to claim his mouth if only to test if he still tastes the same. He lets his tongue slip out right then, to trace on his lower lip, and she knows he’s thinking the same.

“You guys already know each other?” Cami’s voice breaks the haziness of seeing him again, and it’s only then that Caroline realizes the implication of the sight in front of her: Klaus, still unmoving behind the coffee table with blueberry eyes darting between her own and on the shiny glint of diamonds wrapped around her left wrist and Cami, walking towards him to hook her arm around his.

“I’m–“ she heaves, and she knows it’s only a matter of seconds before her vision blurs with tears, she knows it, and she’ll not allow it to happen, not in front of him, not in front of Cami. God. “I’m just going to get my things, I–“

And then she practically ran towards her bedroom, shutting the door and sinking down to her knees immediately, face buried in her hands to readily muffle her stormy cries.

-

They met when Caroline was barely eighteen, trying to man the cheer squad, beautification committee and prom committee all at once. He’s Rebekah’s brother, 21 and in a college near the event’s venue, and she only knows this because the junior cannot keep her mouth shut about him. He goes to one of their cheering competitions once and he’s there for his sister, of course he is, but his eyes also didn’t leave her the whole day.

“He’s my favorite brother,” Rebekah beams at her, tying her white sneakers with her feet up the bench in the changing rooms. “You have to come to our celebration dinner afterwards. It’ll just be you, me and him, and he’s promised to drive us home.”

“Sure,” she replies with a steady smile of her own, because she likes Rebekah, thinks the girl is talented if at times bratty, and Caroline’s looking to name her captain when she graduates in five months. “I’m sure it’ll be fun.”

Klaus asks her out before they even cross the ‘Wecome to Mystic Falls’ sign after dinner, unbothered by Rebekah slapping his arm with a sharp glare and smirking at her through the rearview mirror.

“No,” she smiles back sharply, and his grin only widens.

-

“I’m going to head out,” she announces as soon as she leaves her room, trying to smile reassuringly at Cami while simultaneously ignoring the man standing beside her. “Bekah’s waiting for me and I already called a cab.”

Klaus tenses at his sister’s name, eyes narrowing at her in confusion, but she avoids his stare long enough to listen to Cami.

“Wait, you haven’t even–“

“I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, alright?” She promises. “Bye!”

She can’t head out any quicker, but she still hears him talking: “I’m going to go get something from my car, I’ll–“

Caroline walks faster.

He catches her just as she steps outside the building, wrapping a hand around her upper arm to pull her back and she almost starts at the contact, the touch searing her skin like it’s been burned.

“Caroline–“

“Don’t,” she whips around and finally their eyes meet, barely a space between their faces and god, she missed him. When they broke up, she’s left hollowed, a huge space in her chest empty and aching and still now she’s barely just beginning to be okay. He looks at her the same, too, and it’s enough to make her eyes well up no matter how hard she fights it. “Please don’t.”

His grip only tightens. “I–“

“I’ll come up with something tomorrow to tell her,” she rushes out. “Don’t say anything to Cami, alright? I’ll handle it.”

“We need to talk, love.”

“Don’t–” she says again, pleads. “–call me that. And not now, okay? I really need to go.”

He stands his ground, and Caroline flinches at the feel of his fingers tracing the bracelet on her left hand. “You’re still wearing it.”

“I need to go.” She pulls her arm out of his hold and he looks conflicted but he lets her, the same way he did two years ago, and Caroline leaves.

[whoknowsbud]

Speeddemon storyline

Again, not much was actually written... the format of this one reads way more like a discussion at times, because that was how a lot of this was developed and... I don’t really wanna fix any more of this stuff.

Again, DO NOT TAG AS GIO/MIS!!

Pompeii:

Giorno snatches the keys right out of Fugo’s hand and jumps in the driver seat, "hurry up get in let’s go!!" So Fugo & Abbacchio are like 'ok... at least he treats things with urgency'

The trip is horrific, and Giorno almost drives right through the park. The 「MITM」 fight happens as it did in canon, with maybe a little dry heaving stumbling around from Fugo & Abbacchio.

Abbacchio realizes he can’t drive on the way back, he’s lost too much blood and a whole hand, And Fugo...

Fugo tries, he really does. He tries so hard to get Giorno to let him drive. But... well. He’s scary. He’s a literal demon in the car.

Abbacchio: "HE ALMOST KILLED US!"

Bruno: “Giorno? That's ridiculous.”

Fugo’s almost crying because he never thought he could meet a more dangerous driver than him, and that was terrifying, but he doesn’t say anything because he’s still shaking from everything that happened in... 2 hours?

They almost crashed into a few cars on the way, almost drove right into the ruins, Giorno infected himself on purpose, he almost crashed into a few more cars on the way back, etc.

To Florence (the train):

Van scene? They all get thrown onto each other like sardines.

BIG TIME THERES NOT EVEN A SECOND TO REALIZE IF SOMEONES TOUCHING TRISH, EVERYONES ON THE GROUND IN SECONDS

ABBACCHIOS SCREAMING BECAUSE GODAMNIT HIS HAND

BRUNO HAS BIG CONCERNS BECAUSE WHERE THE HELL WAS THIS SIDE OF THE BOY!?

Narancia’s probably having fun

GIORNO ACTUALLY PASSES WHERE THEY HAD TO GO AND NOBODY REALIZES IT FOR LIKE A WHOLE 3 MILES, BUT SUDDENLY THE VAN WHIPS THE FUCK AROUND AND ALMOST TIPS OVER, ALMOST CRASHING INTO SEVERAL OTHER CARS AND ZOOMS BACK

AND THERES NO SUCH THING AS SLOWING DOWN TO GIORNO, THOSE WORDS DONT EXIST

HE ONLY EVER SLAMS ON THE BRAKES

Bruno believes Fugo and Abbacchio now.

After Florence:

"Do you feel that, Coco Jumbo," Giorno laughs. He's speaking to the turtle, seemingly forgotten that everyone's inside, "this speed, the rush! Nothing can catch you! Nobody can reach me!" And that’s... odd. That’s not the kind of thing they’d expect to hear.

Not from him; someone who didn’t seem to care who was in his way, (probably) willing to run over anyone.

And when someone (let’s say Mista) gets out of the turtle to say something, Giorno panics. He’s freaking out, because nobody was supposed to be able to catch up, he was safe as long as he was moving, moving, moving, moving, but someone was here somebody caught up and-

"Dude, hey, hey, relax! I was just going to say, we should stop for some food! There's no enemy here!"

And he realizes he summoned [Gold Experience], and its strength was crushing the wheel in his hands, and the gas pedal creaked dangerously under his heel from the pressure he was putting on it. He loosens his grip and lifts his foot, breaths heavy with the echoes of his fear, "r-right, its... safe..."

And Mista’s staring, he knows that’s not right. But Giorno wasn’t ready, clearly - and Mista didn’t want to lose an arm because he pried too soon. But he didn't forget it, and found himself watching Giorno a lot more. Watching for signs of whatever the hell set him off, trying to see if there was something they could do. This was the new guy, the youngest of them as well as probably the strongest & most confident, but he seemed like he was almost in worse shape than they were when they joined

Giorno doesn’t notice, but the others do. It’s in the way Mista sits in the passenger seat with almost no hesitation, and how he stares so closely at Giorno when he’s driving. Well, they don’t really notice that, but Mista brings it up.

"Do you notice that Giorno looks... free?" Nobody knows what the hell that’s supposed to mean, except Bruno, who agrees but doesn’t expand on it.

"Do you think Giorno...," he starts at some other time, but stops himself.

Abbacchio fills in, "is a lunatic? Yes."

"No - I mean, he’s a little crazy, but I mean- do you think he-," Mista hesitates, and finishes quietly, "he’s running from something?"

That strikes a nerve.

Because they’ve all been running from something. The past, the future, themselves, or others – they’ve all been running.

Venezia:

Thanks to Ghiaccio and that chase on Liberty Bridge, Mista figures out exactly what made Giorno panic so badly

Whereas Mista just startled him before in that truck, Giorno knew there was nobody around on that bridge.

When Ghiaccio shows up, Giorno knows it’s because he caught up

He was only caught when he stopped before, he was always safe when he moved. For the first time in his life, someone caught up when he was running;

Because he’s not fast enough, and if one person can catch up then there are hundreds of others, and he can never be safe again.

Mista figures this out because Giorno’s saying it out loud; "I’m not fast enough", "they’ll catch me", etc.

And he realizes Giorno is running from everything.

He was probably even trying to run from them, emotionally.

Now I’m not sure what kind of speech Mista could/would give, but I imagine there’d be something there about... Not how running away doesn’t solve anything, that’s not what he needs. Something like...

"It’s easier to run away when the thing chasing you can only walk."

Or of course, "if you get rid of what’s chasing you, you don’t need to run."

So Giorno realizes there’s one thing he’s always done when he’s running that he hasn’t done now

Stop.

So he slams on the brake and summons [Gold Experience] to stop the car from up front. Ghiaccio was not prepared for this, and he slams right into the car, skidding across the icy top and sliding ahead on the bridge, probably for a good mile.

And now it’s time to run again.

[Gold Experience] hits the car from behind to get it moving while Giorno hits the gas, and Ghiaccio is definitely hit.

Mista’s stomach is in absolute knots, he feels it in his throat, but he cheers anyways because hell yea, and that light of freedom is back and Giorno’s laughing, when seconds ago he was approaching a near total breakdown

Of course Ghiaccio’s not done, but they bought time, time to get ahead and thaw the car, time to get several miles closer to the goal and a plan

Which is when Giorno drives the car into the canal.

(Not before making a pigeon and sending it ahead to steal the disc, as well as just filling the car with leafy plants)

So they kind of just... huddle down and wait. No way Ghiaccio would see the bubbles & ripples and think it wasn’t them, and Giorno was sure he’d freeze the water to be sure they’d drown. With the plants they’d have oxygen for a few hours, and the pigeon (having been made from one of Trish's hairpins, stolen of course) would return to the turtle with the disk in no time (he hoped), so they just had to wait.

Of course, this wouldn’t be Golden Wind if something didn’t go wrong. So there’s a splinter in the glass the two are worried about, and they watch with growing fear as it steadily stretches across the windshield, water streaming in, until the break is too big for the glass to stand.

This is where they don’t have time to think of alternatives, and they have to swim out asap. There’s no telling where Ghiaccio’s waiting, or really where they even are, so they just have to hope for the best and get to the surface

And the surface is, of course, frozen over. So they have to estimate where they are by light - or rather, by shadows, because their best chance of going unseen is to break out under the bridge.

Which... Ghiaccio’s smart, he’s figured that out too. But he doesn’t know their stands, so he’s waiting right above, waiting to hear the telltale smash.

But they don’t actually break through; it’d take too much energy, be too loud, and the rest of the ice would be too unstable. Giorno, Mista, and [Gold Experience] are just kind of... pushing against it

Eventually it starts splintering and cracks open, and they can get their heads out at least to breathe - at the same time Ghiaccio’s starting to rant about secrets, or girls, or... something, they aren’t really paying attention

They’re both getting ridiculously numb, but the ice seems like it won’t hold their weight, so they can’t get out of the water too quickly - they actually have to push their way through, cringing and holding their breath at every sound.

Giorno sees the pigeon on the rather distant statue and knows the disc must be inside - disappointed that it isn’t handled, but glad the pigeon blended in well enough that the statue was never investigated. But the trash was, it seemed, and whatever image Mista thought of made him grin.

It was enough of a distraction from the cold that they were able to drag themselves onto the bank, but the next problem was an even bigger obstacle. How could they get to Ghiaccio and take him out, or get to the disc and grab it, before being seen...?

Giorno considers the ice itself. He couldn’t make anything that'd actually help in this cold - the water they’d just escaped was already freezing over - but a distraction... And nothing was better to get an enemy's attention than to make them think they were making a break for it.

So Giorno makes 2 winter bass - big enough to make a lot of noise, but not so big that they’d be immediately caught - and drops them in the most fragile area of reforming ice, sending them on their way. Their backs bump the solid ice a few times as they go around, and Ghiaccio makes a noise like a squawk and jumps up, following what he believes are the two targets

They both get up. Giorno signals for Mista to stay down, but Mista grabs his arm, "hey, relax a little, let me. I need a success somewhere; you're hogging all the glory." He smiled, to show he’s kidding but intends to do this, and though he doesn’t get it, Giorno smiles back slightly.

Mista’s weird boots don’t have the slight heels Giorno's shoes do, so it really was for the best as he trudges his way to the statue. After a second, he grabs his gun and starts trying to chip the stone away, grabbing the pieces as they fall, and watching where Ghiaccio ran off.

Eventually, when he sees the corner of the case, he fumbles, nearly cursing aloud when the pieces of stone hit the ground with echoing clacks

He ends up panicking, yanking the disk out, and scrambled back to the bridge

And then they both realize they have no idea what to do next

Giorno gives the disk to Trish's hairclip pigeon and sends it off, but they still have a big threat to handle. Neither of them can tell how much of their shaking is from the cold, and how much is the anxiety

Giorno ends up grabbing Mista’s hand, hoping it would ground him, and Mista realizes just how scared Giorno actually is. How scared he probably always is, when they're not moving at insane speeds.

And he can't let that fear be any more justified.

"We'll get out of this," he whispers, "we'll get this guy, get back to our friends, and we'll be moving again, little buddy."

[loser-62]

DPH trip (325mg)

So I wouldn't condone dph (benadryl, zzzquil..etc) use in the absolute slightest since it fucks over literally every internal organ you have, but I wanted to share the experience I had a few days ago when I took 13 25mg tablets of dph, which made for a total of 325mg dph because it was very interesting.

I weigh around 102lbs and have previously tripped 3 other times on dph so keep that in mind. I am not the most experienced with this substance.

------------

7:00pm

This is when I took 325mg. Right after this I ate sushi to make sure my stomach wasn't empty to make it easier on my stomach lining.

At around 7:40 I started to feel tired but it was surprisingly pleasant and soothing. I sat down at my desk chair and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes feeling very adequate and nice.

8:00pm

I decided to take my dog for a walk. I figured that if I was walking I wouldn't be able to fall asleep during the initial stages of my trip. I left my house and began listening to music. The songs were amazing (more euphoric than usual) and I was able to notice parts of them that I hadn't payed much attention to before. I began to feel the heaviness and extreme drowsiness that comes with the dph high, as well as seeing little shadows flickering around in front of me and in my peripheral vision. Throughout the walk, I payed very close attention the my rising heart rate since it is something I tend to get quite paranoid about.

I didn't experience very extreme hallucinations during the walk, but there was one point where I saw someone walking in the distance. Instead of looking like he was clearly walking forward, his legs just looked like they were glitching around and not moving properly.

9:15pm

I got home and sat myself on the living room couch and just looked around. In the dim hallway in front of me I could see outlines of walking people forming. They were transparent and walked very awkwardly and glitchy. I was seeing things in the corner of my eyes that kept disappearing. At one point, I was staring at a chair and I saw an owl, perched under the chair, cleaning its feathers and shaking its head. I looked at it pretty nonchalantly until I realized that it wasn't normal for an owl just to be vibing under a chair, and then it suddenly disappeared. I tried to think of it really hard so it would reappear but all I got was a clear outline of the animal that never really fully formed.

I then got up and walked over to the bathroom, which was an extremely uncomfortable feat. I looked in the mirror and saw that my eyes were yellow which really scared me. Everything around me was slightly yellow/orange tinted so I'm still not sure if my eyes were really yellow or not. I walked back to the couch and sat there for a while. I don't really remember what else I saw.

10:15pm

I decided to go to my room and get in bed. At this point my heart was going extremely fast and I could hear it in my ears. I knew this was normal but still got kind of scared. I layed down in my bed and even if the lights were turned off, I coul still see pretty well around my room because the street lights next to my window made everything a little clearer. I got a really scared feeling because I didn't want to see anything terrifying so I closed my eyes.

I knew I wouldn't fall asleep any time soon because I was extremely uncomfortable and I felt sudden pinches and itches all over my legs, and I was too exhausted and miserable to move my arm to scratch them. My mouth was extremely dry and numb to the point where I tried to swallow my saliva, but there wasn't any and I couldn't even feel myself doing it. My stomach felt swollen and so did my right side (I'm assuming this was my liver) and rolling to either side of my body was extremely uncomfortable.

I had very vivid closed eye visuals. It felt like I was watching a movie in my head. It wasn't the same as daydreaming or fantasizing, it literally felt like a big and clear movie screen in my head, and I could analyze every bit of what was happening. Mostly I was thinking of scenarios that had recently happened in my life or things that were going to happen, but they always had a very strange and uneasy twist to them that I know never happened. I don't remember exactly what any of them were unfortunately. At one point I decided to open my eyes again and I saw a giant black shadow person with a long black top hat inside of my closet. It wasn't hatman though. I didn't see hatman on this trip. This was a different shadow person and it gave me a very evil and sinister feeling so I just closed my eyes again.

I opened my eyes again and looked at the clock. It was 11:15pm. It felt like only minutes had passed since I had closed my eyes so it was very strange to see that almost an hour had passed. I decided to close my eyes again and open them to check the time. It was 12:33 am. This was very strange to me and I was disappointed because I felt like I was wasting my trip by closing my eyes since so much time would pass without me knowing. Anyway, this is basically the end of the trip because I don't really remember the rest but I'm pretty sure I went to sleep.

The hangover was terrible and my liver was in a lot of pain the next day. This was my eye:

It was a little yellow but it wasn't anything compared to what I saw in the mirror the night I was tripping so I'm still not sure if it was real.

[yumeka36]

Well, I know I said a while back when more Frozen 2 leaks came out that I was gonna avoid making anymore posts expressing my thoughts until I actually see the movie myself...but alas, what I’d consider the jackpot of leaks came out yesterday causing me to develop more thoughts I feel are better expressed now than later. As usual, skip this post if you don’t want to be supremely spoiled...

After the initial leaks from the not-yet-released mythology book a few weeks ago, which confirmed the movie will end with Anna as queen of Arendelle and Elsa as the Snow Queen/fifth spirit, the real question we’ve had since then is: will they continue to live together or separately? Many official sources such as storybooks and interviews with the creators hinted at separation, and after nearly two weeks of letting the realization that this movie won’t end in the way I would have liked practically eat me alive, I decided it was best to just remain positive, as the events of the story’s third act are still mostly a mystery.

Before I continue, I just want to point out that I understand both sides of the fandom right now: the side that feels hurt and betrayed by this kind of ending, and the side that’s more accepting and doesn’t want to jump to conclusions without seeing it firsthand. It’s been tough for me being in the middle - at times I totally get the backlash. We fell in love with the story of the first movie and shorts about two sisters reconnecting and now the sequel ends with them finding happiness elsewhere. But at the same time, I know that living separately doesn’t diminish familial bonds and it’s a normal thing that happens. I know it’s easy to dismiss it as a trend since a lot of other recent family movie sequels had similar endings, but I want to judge it in its own right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not happy we’re getting a separation ending, but I also know I’ll love 95% of this movie, so I can’t bring myself to throw in the towel at the last 5% without seeing every detail for myself, every word of dialogue, every scene, every nuance in character expressions and actions. I’d feel much more okay with this ending if this was Frozen 3 we’re talking about and we had another Frozen 2 that focused on Anna and Elsa reconnecting as sisters. To go from the end of the first Frozen with them finally getting to know each other after 13 years apart, straight to a sequel that ends with them separating is a leap that really needed more padding. The shorts fill the gap somewhat, but not enough in my opinion. We should have had a Frozen 2 story about Elsa trying to get over her guilt about shutting Anna out all those years, and once that’s resolved, it ends with a return to the status quo that sets the stage for the story we actually have in Frozen 2 (which should be Frozen 3!) I really feel we needed one more “smaller” story like this to pad things out after the first Frozen before the major changes that happens in Frozen 2 (can we get a Frozen 1.5 anyone?) But as I’ll describe further in this post, I’m not convinced that the last 5% of Frozen 2 will be so bad that it will override everything else about the movie, or Frozen in general.

I should also mention that I’ve always been neutral to Kristoff and his relationship with Anna. I find Anna and Elsa’s relationship way more appealing and interesting, but I’ve also always believed Anna has plenty of room in her big heart for sisterly love for Elsa and romantic love for Kristoff. Since they skipped any talk of marriage in the first Frozen, it was no surprise at all that it would be brought up in the sequel. Since they intend Frozen 2 to be the last installment (for now) they couldn’t leave a loose end like Kristoff and Anna’s engagement. I could take it or leave it, but as long as Anna and Elsa’s relationship is portrayed as the strongest bond (which it seems to be) I don’t mind giving Anna romantic love too (and maybe Elsa one day?)

But anyway, yes, a month before its official release, several page scans from the The Art of Frozen 2 have leaked, which pretty much confirm the ending alluded to in the mythology book and many others. And honestly, after taking some time to let all the information sink in, I’m not as upset as I thought I would be. At first I thought I was just numb by now, having already been sick about it for nearly two weeks after the mythology book leaked. But more likely, I think I’ve just made myself form a different perspective. In all the fandoms I partake in, I always try to make myself open to different interpretations of the characters and story even if they don’t fully agree with my own. I understand that there’s a risk involved with falling too deeply in love with someone else’s creation - that they may not interpret the characters and story the same way you do and it becomes difficult to distinguish your own headcanon perspective vs actual canon. What I think has happened with the Frozen fandom is an unfortunate case where lack of canon material has caused me (and no doubt others) to indulge so much in my own headcanons that I started to see it as “fact” when it really is just my interpretation and “filling in the blanks” so to speak.

To illustrate, Anna and Elsa spend very little time together in the first movie, which is what makes their rekindled love for each other at the end so impacting. But if you think about it, the ice skating together in the original Frozen’s epilogue plus a few more scenes in the two short films, only equates to about a half hour’s worth of content showing them interacting as sisters. When you have such an appealing character relationship but such a small amount of canon content with which to interpret it over a span of six years, it’s only natural that my own headcanons took over until I started seeing them as the only interpretation. Especially for Elsa, who has a lot less screentime in the first movie than Anna, so honestly we really don’t know her that well. Have I really seen enough of her in the first movie plus two shorts to say with certainty that she could never be happy without Anna always being by her side? Is the filmmakers’ view of her as a “protector” and “mythical character” who feels at home in the enchanted lands less valid than my own interpretation of her? Again, when I try to describe Elsa I realize that much of it is based on my own headcanons, which are perfectly valid, but I shouldn’t be surprised if it turns out the filmmakers have a different vision for her. Just because I personally love all the sisterly moments between Anna and Elsa and so always want that to exist in the Frozen universe so I can keep indulging in it, mean that any other direction for the story is bad? Of course anyone can infer basic things about Anna and Elsa without any headcanons, such as the fact that they love each other and enjoy being together, but when I ask myself questions like “What evidence do I really have that they’ll always want to live together?” or “Is Elsa really perfectly content being the queen of Arendelle as opposed to doing something else?” or “Does true love mean always having to physically be close to each other in order to be happy?” I realize that I can’t answer them as confidently as I’d like. 

As I asked myself questions like this and read the leaked art book pages a few times over - especially the foreward - I came to the conclusion that the creators did indeed put a lot of love and effort into their choices for Frozen 2, and their thought process for developing the story as described in the foreward makes sense even if it’s not the direction I personally would have gone. As I was reading it, I thought, if another fan like myself wrote it I would think “Hm, that’s an interesting interpretation, not quite how I see it, but valid nonetheless.” But in this case, the one with that interpretation is the creators, so all you can do is accept their view or move away. It’s not like they were way off and focused the sequel on a new character and pushed Anna and Elsa into the background, or even focused a lot on Anna and Kristoff: from everything I’ve read, the focus of Frozen 2 is still the “undying love of two sisters” (as Josh Gad put it), just not in the way I was expecting. Anna and Elsa’s bond has been conveyed as so strong it’s almost omnipotent and ethereal, even more so it seems in the sequel, so the interpretation is twofold: does the fact that it’s this strong mean that they always have to be together in order to be happy, or does it mean that time and space doesn’t matter because it’s so strong? Obviously the filmmakers (and others) interpret it the latter way while many fans interpret it the former. But can we really say one view is wrong and the other is right?

And even with all these leaks, there’s still a lot we don’t know: we still don’t know exactly what happens in Ahtohallan and other events leading up to the epilogue. We don’t know for sure that being the “fifth spirit” means Elsa will become a literal spirit or just get a boost in magical power. We don’t know all the whys and hows of her choosing to become the Snow Queen and giving the role of queen to Anna. These are very important plot points that I feel are best judged by actually seeing it with my own eyes and not drawing conclusions from vague book descriptions and concept art. Until I see it for myself, I can’t say how I’ll feel, so it’s better for my health and well being if I just stay positive. But even knowing all that I do about the ending now, when I look at my Frozen collection and all the imagery of Anna and Elsa holding hands and hugging, I’m asking myself “Does my knowledge of the Frozen 2 ending make me feel less connected to all the ‘snow sisters’ stuff I’ve indulged in for six years?” And to be honest, as of now, it doesn’t, which is a good sign. I do feel sad and jarred that I now have to throw out six year’s worth of headcanons and fan stories I’ve created in my mind...but you know what, I’m willing to start again because I still love Anna and Elsa and I think there will always be great story potential for them. I see the “old” Frozen imagery now as, yes, they had their time living together as sisters (would have liked to see more of it in canon but oh well) and now they have different roles in life, but that doesn’t negate the time they shared and the love they have. Of course, my opinion could change when I actually see Frozen 2, for better or worse, but I’ve already spent so long looking forward to this movie, there’s no point in backing out now and not making the best of it. 

As I stated in a past post (from right before the first leaks happened) my Frozen fandom is at a crossroads now and I can’t predict what it will be like a few months from now: I could love Frozen 2 and my fandom will continue on a long time, especially if Disney announces more installments (I still think Frozen 3 or 1.5 is a possibility), or I could find the ending distasteful enough that it makes me lose interest sooner, or regardless of whether I like the sequel or not, I lose interest in Frozen and move onto other fandoms. Or maybe I won’t, and lack of official content from Disney will cause me to take up fanfiction writing or something like that. But whatever happens, I’m going to stay positive because I don’t like being negative. For those of you who are appalled at the ending, I understand and I hope you’ll still see the movie for yourself it’ll change your mind even a little, but please handle it in the way that’s best for you (leave the fandom, indulge in fanfiction, sell your merch). And for others who are being accepting of it, I hope we end up pleasantly surprised.

Okay, I’ve rambled on long enough. This should be the last thought-spilling Frozen 2 post I write until I actually see the movie - I can’t imagine we could get anymore leaks or information at this point that would drastically change my view. In the meantime, I’m just gonna lay low and reserve final judgment until November 22nd (or sooner if I win tickets to the premiere!)

[vitanes]

say it’s okay when it’s not

chapter 5: i miss my mom

Lucas and Eliott hang out together more than once, there are deep talks and a birthday party. One would not believe what happens during that party.

(a/n: internalised homophobia tw)

Sleeping on the couch might have initially seemed like a good idea. In a wasted Lucas’ mind. Now, as his eyes flutter open just to be met with the blinding sunlight and the pain in his neck registers, Lucas has many regrets. He clicks his tongue and God, is his mouth dry. He needs some water as soon as possible or he will die. Surely.

He turns his head to the left and groans. He’s really ended up in an uncomfortable position. His legs are partly hanging off the couch, he’s weirdly bent in the middle and one of his arms has gone numb from having supported his weight for God knows how long.

Lucas sighs and tries to move around and stop damaging his back even further. It’s then that he notices something else. Or rather someone. Curled up to make himself tiny, on the other end of the couch is Eliott. His knees are drawn up against his chest and his arms are hugging them. His lips are parted, hair tousled and his expression calm. He looks soft and despite knowing better, Lucas would even say he seems cosy.

He moves a little in his sleep and Lucas panics. It’d be weird if Eliott opened his eyes and found Lucas watching him. Fucking awkward even. Like, yes, they are known for having those weird staring matches, but that would be too much for Lucas’ standards.

Thankfully, there’s no need to worry since Eliott is still safe and sound. Lucas breathes out and looks away, oddly aware of how he was actually observing someone in their sleep. His mind is hazy from having only woken up. And he smoked a lot the day prior. That would explain this whole thing.

Hell, sometimes he really acts like a total weirdo.

“Hey.” He hears after a couple of minutes pass and his eyes land back on Eliott, who is blinking sleepily.

“Hello,” Lucas croaks out and coughs. Water, he needs some water.

Eliott closes his eyes and smirks. “You sound like you’ve been sucking dick for a few hours straight,” he mumbles, his limbs stretching out up until there’s a loud crack.

Lucas’ eyes do not rest on the stripe of skin where Eliott’s shirt rides up. He’s too busy being appalled by Eliott’s comment.

“Fuck off,” he says. “I feel like I haven’t had anything wet in my mouth for years.” Lucas scowls, his eyes searching for anything to drink that isn’t alcohol.

He feels Eliott looking at him for the longest moment before Eliott says, “That means there was no dick sucking.”

Lucas turns towards him, feeling pretty much done. “Where’s the Eliott who makes movies and is into classical music or something?”

“If I remember well from our piano concert, you’re the one who knows more about classical music, not me. I’m a dubstep kind of guy.” He winks at Lucas and it’s just so–

So ridiculous and surreal, that they are teasing each other like old friends. Twenty-four hours ago Lucas hated Eliott’s guts and was dreading coming to his flat and now? Now he’s content, he wants to hang out with Eliott. Lucas has learned that Eliott isn’t some kind of a god; Adonis or the perfect guy. He likes bad music, makes dick jokes and if Lucas wanted, he’d probably find dirty clothes scattered around his bedroom. No wonder his friends like him this much, he fits. It’s like Yann said, Lucas just hasn’t given him a chance before.

Oh, how much can change overnight. And all the weeks of Lucas’ hostility towards Eliott seem so silly to him. They just had to spend a few hours together to get along.

“Wanna eat something?” Eliott asks, sitting up and it takes a second for Lucas to realise the question is directed at him. When he does so, though, he nods and gets a wide grin in return.

Eliott nods towards the kitchen and gets up. Lucas follows him closely.

Once inside, Lucas literally attacks the sink and turns the water on. He takes big gulps, killing the thirst and feeling refreshed.

“You know there is water here,” Eliott says, his tone tinged with joy and Lucas glances at him to see him pointing towards a bottle standing on the counter next to the sink. Lucas turns the tap off and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Maybe I like tap water,” he retorts, leaning against the side of the sink.

Eliott snorts and turns towards the fridge. He opens it and lets out a thoughtful hum.

“I can’t say I have anything nutritious. Can’t say that,” he mutters, threading his fingers through his hair. It still looks good despite the whole night on the couch and being ruffled. Lucas wonders how it’s possible. He must have a bird nest on his head by now.

He steps behind Eliott to get a peek on what’s inside the fridge and yeah, it sure is empty. There’s some cheese, a bottle of ketchup and yoghurt.

He looks up at Eliott, scowling and Eliott bites down on his lower lip.

“Haven’t gone grocery shopping?” he says meekly, stepping from one foot to another and it’s then that Lucas realises Eliott is nervous. They can’t have that. Lucas isn’t here to be impressed or some other shit.

“It’s fine. Do you have bread? We could make some cheese toast,” he suggests, eyeing the cheese and hoping it’s still good. Eliott gasps and goes over to a cupboard above the sink. He opens it and looks inside, but very quickly his expression falls.

“Dude, how do you manage to survive?” says Lucas, the last person who should be judging Eliott in this case, if his own empty shelf in the fridge is anything to go by.

(But what Eliott doesn’t know won’t hurt him.)

“Like I said, I haven’t gone grocery shopping this week,” Eliott replies and turns around to face Lucas. They stare at each other for a long moment until it gets too uncomfortable and Lucas chuckles. Eliott huffs and shakes his head. “I’ll order us pizza.”

Lucas isn’t exactly in the place to allow himself to have a takeout. See he has got some financial problems lately. “I… um didn’t bring much money with me,” he mutters, shrugging. Eliott waves him off.

“It’s whatever. You’re my guest and I should provide you with food, don’t worry.”

Lucas swallows and a part of him wants to fight, wants to disagree. He doesn’t want pity, doesn’t want to leech off someone else. But Eliott doesn’t seem like he’s taking some mercy on poor Lucas. So Lucas doesn’t say anything and lets Eliott order the food and pay for it.

They eat, talk between the bites. After they are full, Eliott lends Lucas a spare toothbrush. Lucas doesn’t dwell on the why Eliott has spare toothbrushes and explains it with it being a precaution for situations like this one. Not for some wild hook-ups.

“Do you want to play some games?” Eliott asks when they are both fed and have freshened up.

Lucas has no places to go, no responsibilities, so he says yes and stays till the sun sets.

 ***

 Monday is weird for various reasons. Firstly, Lucas doesn’t come to school filled with anxiety upon having to spend time around Eliott for the first time in weeks. On the contrary, he’s actually quite excited to meet him. There’s also some shift in the dynamics since, sure, Lucas and Eliott spent Friday evening and most of the Saturday together and then were texting each other through Sunday, but it’s been only the two of them then. Arthur, Yann, and Basile are used to Lucas acting like Eliott doesn’t exist at best and being mean to him at worst. So seeing their expressions when Eliott comes up to them, greets them and exchanges a high five with Lucas, is a sight.

Lucas barely stops himself from laughing at how confused and shocked they are. Eliott catches on it very soon and grins at Lucas, amused. Lucas smiles back, feeling giddy because of how in tune they are.

“What happened?” Basile asks, completely baffled and Arthur nudges him in the side.

“Don’t ask questions, just smile and hope it stays that way,” he says through gritted teeth and Lucas rolls his eyes.

“That’s what happens when your friends are traitors. You find other allies.”

“Yeah, we are a team now,” Eliott says, playfully bumping his shoulder against Lucas’.

“Oh, so it worked?” Arthur asks and Lucas scrunches his nose up in a scowl.

“What worked?”

“We were hoping that if you two spent some time together, this whole Lucas hates Eliott would stop,” Arthur explains.

Lucas doesn’t know how to feel about it, but his skin is crawling. His friends ditched him with someone they knew he was uncomfortable around for their own benefit? Things have changed, yeah, but facts still stand. And it sort of stings. Lucas also remembers how hopeful to hang out with all of them Eliott was and his disappointment when they cancelled. He was genuinely upset. It’s not cool. He’s angry on the behalf of the two of them and inches closer towards Eliott.

“Let me get this straight, you bailed on us in hopes that we could possibly become friends? Ignoring how it’d make us feel?” he asks, his voice pretty composed considering the situation. He briefly glances at Eliott and sees him connecting the dots. He doesn’t seem pleased as well.

“No, it’s not like that,” Yann says and looks grimly at Arthur before turning his attention to Lucas and Eliott. “Coincidentally, we did all have unexpected plans then. What Arthur means is that we had decided to let you guys know we weren’t coming when we knew you would be at Eliott’s already. To be fair, Arthur proposed that. I wasn’t sure but thought fine, let’s try it.” Yann gives them both apologetic looks and Lucas deflates. He really must have been difficult if they went with that.

“Hey, dude, putting all of the blame on me? Not cool.” Arthur crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. “I just wanted everyone to get along. And it fucking worked. No need to thank me.”

They’re all awkwardly quiet for a moment. Well, Lucas thinks, that in some twisted way it does make sense. Especially the fact that Arthur came up with the idea. He’s friends with Lucas and may have a crush on Eliott. It’s obvious, Lucas would like his close friends to get on with someone he had a crush on as well.

He sighs. “Okay, maybe next time don’t do that, but whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore,” he says, defeated.

“There won’t be next time,” Arthur says, his voice confident. “Just don’t be so stubborn,” he adds and punches Lucas in the shoulder.

Lucas opens his mouth to reply, but gets stopped by the bell ringing.

“God, I can’t wait to be done with school,” Basile mutters as they all drag themselves into the building.

 ***

 Lucas is focused on the lesson, making notes and gathering all the important facts for them to make sense later. He writes down the last sentence that the teacher said, briefly pausing halfway through before he remembers the rest of it. He’s writing the last word when his arm is poked and he smudges the last few letters.

“Why didn’t you tell me Manon was back?” Imane whispers into his ear. She looks at Lucas meaningfully and he gulps.

“She asked me not to,” he says, glancing towards the teacher to make sure she isn’t looking in their direction. “Wait, how do you know?”

She grimaces. “She posted something on Instagram and the location said Paris. Doesn’t take a genius to know what it means,” she explains, pressing her pen harshly against the page of her notebook. “We confronted her and she said she’s been back.”

“I see.” Lucas isn’t sure what more he could answer. Is that an accusation? A small talk? A friend talk? Is that what they’re doing now? Being friends, chatting and stuff?

“She hasn’t told us what happened, though,” Imane continues, her expression full of concern. “Do you know anything?”

So not a friend talk. A business talk. Fishing for information.

“Listen, Manon hasn’t told us anything more. I don’t think she wants to talk about what went down in London yet. Give her some time, I’m sure she’ll come around.” He tries to smile reassuringly and gets a weak nod in return.

“I’m just worried, that’s all.” She shrugs and looks down on her notes. “What about you?”

Huh?

“What about me?” he asks dumbly.

“How are you? I know you haven’t been well lately. Just asking.”

How is he? It’s a tricky question. One he doesn’t know a correct answer to. He can’t sleep well at night, misses his mom and hates his dad. He doesn’t dislike Eliott anymore but despises himself. He’s nearly out of money and still hasn’t paid this month’s rent. His grades haven’t dropped yet, but he doesn’t have much will to study nowadays. As long as he’s paying, the blackmailer doesn’t keep in touch with him, and he tries not to think about what’s going to happen when he can’t pay any longer. There’s a mess in his head, but it’s relatively stable as of now. Mostly because he sweeps everything under the rug. He can’t fool Imane with a simple I’m fine, although he’s got no idea what else he can offer to her.

“I’m lost,” he says eventually, in a moment of vulnerability. It’s the truth and the most he’s actually shared with anyone. He’s wandering around, blindfolded and scared, hoping for someone to guide him home.

Imane reaches out her hand towards his and squeezes around his fingers. “If there’s something, anything, I could help you with, tell me, okay?”

Lucas smiles and nods. “Right back at you.”

 ***

 They are standing in the line to order food and Lucas isn’t sure he’s got enough money for more than an apple. The food at his school is tasty, as far as school meals can go. But good quality means they aren’t exactly the cheapest. Not when you’ve only got a few stray coins inside of your wallet. And fuck, not to sound depressing but lunch at the cafeteria was the only warm and filling meal Lucas could afford lately. He mostly lives off sandwiches and similar things at the flat and he’s been looking forward to eating at school. He’s been paying for it with the money he classified as the one for food and apparently, he’s pretty much run out of it.

Lucas isn’t going to touch what he’s got on his card – this money is for the blackmailer and he still needs to figure out how to pay his part of the rent. So, bye-bye normal lunches at the cafeteria.

He sighs, hides his wallet and steps out of the line. Lucas ignores questioning looks his friends send his way and avoids glancing towards the displayed food. Maybe he’ll have enough coins to get a chocolate bar from a vending machine.

In the meantime, he leans against the wall, away from the line and waits for the guys to get their food. He hopes they won’t say anything.

Once they all have their meals and come up to Lucas, they move towards the cafeteria and sit down at their usual table. Everyone, except Lucas, starts eating and Lucas pulls his phone out to busy himself.

It’s not weird if he doesn’t make it weird.

His mom texted him again, a passage from the Bible. She never asks about how he’s doing, how’s school or whatever. As if all the motherly love could be found in these few lines from a book people excuse their hatred towards someone like Lucas with.

“Dude, why aren’t you eating?” Basile asks with his mouth full and it takes a second for Lucas to realise he’s asking him. He looks up and notices how all of the guys are acting like they’re more interested in their food than the answer to the question, but their eyes jump over to him anyway.

He isn’t delicate, they don’t need to do that. It’s an embarrassing situation, yeah, but Lucas can handle it.

“Didn’t withdraw money.” Somewhat. He can manage it somewhat.

“I could lend you some?” Arthur offers. Yeah, no, Lucas already has enough people to pay off.

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he says and knows that this will surely make them worry. Yann is already frowning. Lucas glances towards Eliott, hoping for some rescue. It’s stupid to do that, to cling onto someone Lucas feels at peace with to jump in and solve his problem. But Lucas is stupid.

Eliott looks back at him, turns towards Arthur and says, “Hey, you said you wanted to discuss something during lunch.”

Lucas wants to thank Eliott, but knows he’d draw unwanted attention. Nevertheless, he sends a tiny, grateful smile Eliott’s way when he catches his eye again.

“Oh, yeah. Basically, Baz had his birthday. We didn’t do anything for the occasion and we should throw a party. I was thinking this Friday.” Arthur gazes at them expectantly.

“You’re just looking for an excuse to party,” Lucas deadpans.

Arthur gasps and puts a palm over his heart. “How dare you accuse me of something like that? I want to celebrate the existence of our dear friend,” he declares solemnly. “Are we on board?”

They all nod and Yann replies, “Sure, but where?”

“I have a flat,” Eliott offers.

“Eliott has a flat,” Arthur chimes in with a wide grin, pointing at Eliott. Are they on their way to being a couple? Because for Lucas it feels like it. “Lucas and I can take care of decorations, Yann could invite people.”

“What about me?” Basile asks.

“You act like you’re surprised,” Lucas says, patting him on the back.

“By the way,” Yann kicks Lucas under the table to catch his attention. “Have you and that girl talked recently?”

Lucas squints his eyes in confusion. He thinks hard about who Yann is talking about. The only girls he talked with recently were Manon this morning, asking her whether he could borrow some of her milk, and Imane yesterday. But the look on Yann’s face tells Lucas he doesn’t mean either of them.

Oh, Chloé. He’s talking about Chloé.

“The one from the party?” Yann hums. “No.” He completely forgot she existed, to be quite honest.

“Why not? She was so into you,” Basile says, pouting. Lucas rolls his eyes and involuntarily glances at Eliott. He seems rather indifferent, unlike the rest of the guys. The only one who doesn’t care about Lucas hooking up with some random girl. Lucas really gets why everyone liked him from the beginning, he may become his favourite pretty quickly, too.

“It was just a kiss.”

“You should invite her to the party,” Yann says and Arthur nods encouragingly. It’s then that Lucas realises it’s expected of him and to keep up his act, not to disappoint his friends, he should do that.  He can’t let them down, can he?

Lucas sighs deeply and unlocks his phone, taps on the Instagram app and finds the girl. Chloé has followed him recently, but he didn’t really care. He hasn’t even followed her back. He decides it’d be appropriate before sending her a message. He does so and right after that types out a short do you wanna come to the party on Friday? He doesn’t have to wait too long for a reply and soon enough he gets a positive reply. He sends back the details and locks the screen, already fucking spent.

“Done, happy?” he asks, sending them a tight smile.

“Dude, how are you so brave? No hesitation, no nerves. Wow,” Basile mumbles in amazement.

Well, the answer to this question is simple. Girls don’t make him nervous.

 ***

 If two weeks ago someone had told Lucas he’d be skipping classes with Eliott, he’d surely look at them weirdly and tell them to fuck off. Now, however, they are squeezed together in a tiny toilet stall. Eliott is doodling all over the wall with a sharpie and Lucas is sitting on the toilet lid, hugging his knees to his chest and watching Eliott work.

Lucas wouldn’t admit it out loud, but he’s been actually looking forward to spending some time with Eliott without the guys. No offense, he loves them but they can be a bit too much at times. Eliot, on the other hand, brings peacefulness with himself. It’s hard to explain, at least for Lucas, but they get each other and it’s nice to escape once in a while without completely isolating himself.

And all it took for this to happen was Lucas offhandedly mentioning in texts that he may not go to his next class. Eliott was all too eager to skip with Lucas and now every time someone walks into the bathroom, they have to pretend there’s no one in there. Or, that there aren’t two people hence Lucas’ legs are up.

“Are you excited about tomorrow’s party?” Eliott asks and Lucas perks up.

“Are you? You will have a lot to clean up.” Lucas is just thrilled to go there, get wasted to forget about everything and most likely put on a show for his friends once again. Yay. So much fun. He hopes that at least the booze will be worth it.

“Well, I’m counting on you guys to help me with that,” Eliott says and glances over his shoulder before getting back to his masterpiece.

Lucas tries to sneak a peek but to no avail. Eliott is too fucking broad.

“You will have to secure your bedroom if you don’t want anyone fucking in there.”

“Yeah, I know. I feel like if someone wants to have sex, they’ll find a way no matter what I do, though.”

“Your flat will lose its virginity,” Lucas says, scrolling down his phone.

“You think it hasn’t already?” Eliott teases and Lucas’ thumb stops scrolling. Right, Eliott had a girlfriend. And he could have brought someone else home as well.

“I was just joking,” Lucas says as the phone buzzes in his hand. He hears Eliott snorting in response when he opens the message and it’s his mom again. He sighs, tilts his head back against the wall and closes his eyes.

“Everything okay?” Eliott asks.

“Yeah, just my mom.” He shrugs. In all honesty, it’s only the tip of the iceberg but surely gives him a headache.

“What about her? If it’s okay to ask.” Eliott sounds gentle, trustworthy.

“She’s ill. Like, mentally ill. And I love her, I know it’s not her fault but I miss having a mom, you know?”

“But…” Eliott hesitates. “She’s still there. Just because she’s mentally ill, it doesn’t mean you don’t have a mom.”

“I know, but… I’m sixteen, living without any parent and all I get are passages from the Bible. I miss a mom who would ask me if something hurt when I fell down.” He rubs the back of his hand over his eyes to stop the tears from welling up. “I don’t blame her, but sometimes I think my life could have been normal if my dad hadn’t left and mom wasn’t put in the clinic. Sometimes I just want a hug and an it’ll be alright, but I have neither. I try my best not to be bitter or, fuck, angry at her. The only person I can be angry at is my father. But I still wish some things were different and I still had a home.” Lucas doesn’t realise his voice is shaky up until he’s finished talking. He doesn’t know what prompted all of it spilling out of him. He’s only talked about his family issues in more depth with Yann. Only because they’ve been best friends for so long he knew he wouldn’t be judged. And now, there he is, sharing his secrets with someone he hated less than a week ago.

Someone who could turn his back on Lucas if he misunderstood him.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Lucas opens his eyes to find Eliott crouching in front of him and staring at him. “What’s important is that you love her and know it’s not her fault. It’s okay to want things to be better. You just need to find the middle ground with your mom. She’s mentally ill and not braindead, I’m sure if you told her some of the things you’ve just told me, she’d understand. Maybe she doesn’t handle things well but still wants to be there for you and the only good way she finds are the Bible fragments? I’m glad you’re still in contact. And believe me, if she reaches out to you like that it’s better than you think. Have you talked with her in person lately?”

Lucas shakes his head, ashamed. He couldn’t bring himself to go to her after she was admitted to the clinic and he moved out. He feels like he abandoned her just like his father. For the longest time, he thought she might hate him.

“You try that. It’ll do good to the both of you.” Eliott smiles at him reassuringly and stands up. “Do you want to see my masterpiece?” he asks, one of his eyebrows raised.

Lucas notices some distress in Eliott’s eyes, despite him smirking expectantly at Lucas. His voice was different when he was speaking, strained. Only now does Lucas realise that Eliott may be changing the topic for the sake of the both of them.

Some things are better left untold and unfinished after all.

Lucas nods and his eyes land on a mini-comic drawn on the wall.

“It’s inspired by your parallel universe theory,” Eliott whispers excitedly.

There are two panels. Both are showing cartoonish versions of a raccoon and a hedgehog. In the first one, the raccoon extends its paw towards the hedgehog but gets rejected and its ears are downturned. In the second, they are in a similar setting, but the raccoon is smiling at the hedgehog that has speech bubbles filled with small images of a piano and the stars drawn around it. The first panel is captioned This universe while the second has a The universe no. 874386 undearneath it.

“Is that us?” Lucas asks, reaching his hand out in amazement and tracing his finger over the drawings.

“Yeah. I’ve been identifying with a raccoon for a long time, but I couldn’t figure out what would suit you for a while. Until last weekend. Then that hedgehog hit me.”

“This is so cool,” Lucas says softly, his eyes still glued to the cartoonish versions of them.  That way he can’t see Eliott watching him with interest from the side, a blush blooming over his cheeks.

 ***

Arthur is standing on a stool, trying to hang on a Happy Birthday all the while Lucas is monitoring him from behind. They’ve decorated most of the flat by now and are nearly done. There’s only an hour left before the party starts, Eliott has gone to bring Basile for the surprise and Yann is supposed to be on his way, carrying the alcohol. Things are looking pretty good.

And that’s why Lucas chooses that moment to ruin the nice atmosphere. Or, perhaps he’s exaggerating. He just thinks that he’d consider something like that irritating, but maybe Arthur won’t. Nevertheless, he has to ask this question or he’ll explode.

“I was wondering. Why didn’t you tell us you were bi sooner?” It’s been gnawing at Lucas ever since Arthur came out. Considering how much he’s struggling with his own sexuality, he can’t help but be curious.

Arthur stops for a second before he taps the decoration in a random place and steps down from the stool. He turns towards Lucas, a calm smile tugging at his lips.

“I’m surprised none of you asked me that earlier, actually. Well, it’s that… what good would it do?” he asks, waving his hand dismissively. Lucas thinks that having a friend who isn’t straight and knowing so would give him some sort of comfort. But what does he know? Besides, Arthur has no idea about him. “I wanted to tell you, but I thought to myself how things could change. I know you aren’t homophobic, but straight dudes just get weird about bi and gay guys most of the time. I’d have to watch myself, my every move and word. And you wouldn’t even understand. Then why would I come out? No need to complicate things.”

“Then why did you now?”

“Well, I found another guy who’s like me that I’m friends with. We can relate to each other, we can support each other. I couldn’t just have him thinking he was alone. I don’t know, it’s different when there’s another person like you. There’s a sense of community I don’t have with you, guys.” That fucking stings like a motherfucker. “And having Eliott there made me feel safer and braver. I don’t know how to explain that.” He doesn’t have to. Lucas understands, in a way. Maybe if he wasn’t so ashamed and hateful towards himself, instead of bitterness, he’d feel comfort as well.

“Do you have a crush on Eliott?” Lucas blurts out. It sort of escapes his mouth. It’s been something he’s been sure but hasn’t had a confirmation of. And since they’re already talking and one thing leads to another, his brain must have thought it was appropriate after hearing Arthur’s speech.

Arthur tilts his head to the side, his eyes widening. He looks confused. “What? No. We’re just friends. I mean, he’s sweet and hot, but I’m already into someone else,” he says.

“Who?”

Arthur blushes. “Ugh, there was a student exchange last year and I was teaching some guy French. We hit it off and became friends. I kind of fell for him, but then he left. He’s got a boyfriend back home. And I’m hopelessly pining.” He smiles sadly and scratches the side of his neck.

So much has happened in Arthur’s life and they had no idea.

“I’m sorry,” Lucas says, suddenly filled with sadness. He’s more sorry for not being able to be there for Arthur through his heartbreak and something tells him Arthur knows because there’s understanding in his eyes.

“It’s okay,” he replies, his voice soft. “It happens.”

 ***

 Three hours later and the party is in its full swing. Basile really played his part at acting surprised, there was a birthday cake that Manon has apparently been asked to prepare by Yann through Emma. There are a lot of people and with each hour the crowd only grows. At some point, Lucas wonders how Eliott’s flat is going to fit all these people inside but so far there haven’t been any issues.

Lucas has been drinking, dancing with his friends, laughing and talking. He’s having fun to the point he lets his guard down and completely stops in his tracks when he sees a face he thought his mind has erased from its memory.

He becomes very aware at once, looks around to check if no one is watching him. It’s paranoid, he knows, but if the blackmailer is there and they are watching Lucas? Fuck, he’s doomed.

The person he’s noticed is the guy he was caught kissing. What the fuck is he doing at this party? Yann was responsible for inviting the people. He could know him. He could know about them kissing and that’s why he’s been pushing Lucas to hook-up with that girl and–

No. Yann doesn’t know and if he knew he wouldn’t be a jerk about it. He wouldn’t be.

From the moment Lucas notices him to the one he’s seen back, around thirty minutes pass. He’s been trying his best to become invisible, but one look too many in the guy’s direction and he catches Lucas’ eye and then takes a double take when the recognition falls over his face.

Lucas was hoping the guy wouldn’t remember him.

He steps off the dancefloor, begging the universe for the boy not to approach him. Why would he? They only kissed and that kiss has been causing Lucas stress and lack of money ever since. But as far as he knows, it was only a drunken hook-up for this boy.

The universe is a bitch, Lucas realises, when the guy finds him and leans against the wall next to him. He sends him a lazy smirk and Lucas looks around to see if no one is watching them. He doesn’t see anyone, but last time he didn’t either.

“Fancy seeing you here,” the guy says, moving closer.

The best way to avoid this situation? Act dumb. Lucas is great at that.

He chuckles. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“If you don’t remember I can refresh your memory,” the boy says and reaches his hand out to touch Lucas, but Lucas flinches away. The guy looks over the crowd, then back at Lucas, frowning.

“Please, leave me alone. I can’t have people see us,” Lucas says under his breath, hoping he can be heard over the music. He doesn’t look at the guy. He’s drunk, he does dumb things when he’s drunk. And it’s been long since he experienced some tenderness. He can’t let the guy know how much he wishes he was allowed to want him.

The guys tsks. “Whatever, I’m not going to waste my time on another closet case. Bye,” he mumbles and leaves.

Lucas breathes out, his heart beating fast and his palms sweaty. He’s trembling and he needs a drink.

 ***

 He has drunk more, he’s lost the sight of his friends. Lucas has been wandering around sadly ever since the encounter with the guy. He’s caught him looking a couple of times, probably thinking how pathetic he is, but that was it.

Fine, he’s fucking pathetic and gay and the only thing that gets him through this party is putting as much booze as possible into his system. He hates it. He hates himself for not being normal. He hates other people for being free.

He wants to forget.

Lucas turns around and the beer in his bottles slushes over his fingers.

He sees Arthur and Eliott kissing. The whole world slows down and he doesn’t see the rest of the crowd anymore, his vision closing on their silhouettes meddled into one. On the way Arthur is arching his back against Eliott and Eliott’s fingers are tugging on Arthur’s hair. Arthur is pressing Eliott against the wall, desperately sucking on his bottom lip and Eliott kisses him back with just as much intensity.

Something sinks down in Lucas’ stomach. He knew. He knew it’d end up like that. Two great, attractive guys would end up making out with each other. Because they can.

It’s only Lucas who can’t kiss boys even if he wants to.

His eyes sting with unshed tears, but he simply can’t look away from how they are consuming each other with their lips. It’s intoxicating in a way. Much more than all of the alcohol he’s got into himself.

Someone bumps into him, snapping him out of his daze. He blinks and looks away from Eliott and Arthur. Turns around and sees Chloé smiling up at him.

It must be a sign.

He wants to cry when he starts kissing her, caressing her, squeezing her body. They kiss until their lips are sore; until Lucas can’t feel anything.

“I know a place close by we could have some privacy in. Do you want to,” she whispers hotly into his ear and tugs on his lobe with her teeth.

Lucas nods and lets her drag him out of the party.

 ***

 There’s a piercing pain shooting through Lucas’ scalp when he moves and he hisses when he opens his eyes. He feels hot, sticky and uncomfortable. He’s hangover and the curtains aren’t closed, letting the morning light in. His mouth tastes like death and there’s something lying across his chest making it hard to breathe.

He blinks a couple of times and looks down.

The sight makes his gut churn.

Chloé is naked, he is naked and she’s cuddled up to his side.

What the fuck did he do?