#I also feel like an imposter

[verkomy]

hi hello, I’m fighting with a massive art block and lack of motivation lately but I’m trying to get out of it by drawing in my sketchbook and practicing some landscapes and backgrounds (it’s going terribly) so I hope it’ll leave me soon and I just wanted to check on you guys and I hope you’re all doing well <3

[emptysnakeskeleton]

Just got diagnosed with adhd, now what?

[sygneth]

I have had a lot of thoughts on the original story after listening to the Sherlock&Co "Gloria Scott" and a new headcanon just dropped.

Chapter 1: part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6

Masterpost (Index)

AO3

thoughts, if you're curious:

As far as gay Victor Trevor absolutely got me, I don't think there was anything serious between him and Holmes. This all comes down to my reading of Holmes, who is (to me) too aroace-spec to get involved in a regular relationship (althouuuughh about Holmes, his sexual and romantic orientation and him discovering it I have had so many thoughts I could write a whole essay). He likes to have a default person though, someone who will take him as he is, and maybe even admire a little - now that's Watson, earlier it was Trevor.

And yea I think Victor got a crush straight away after their first meeting, maybe they even talked about this at some point. Maybe Holmes said that he won't be able to reciprocate this affection but if Victor is fine with keeping things as they are, then he is too. I like to think they stayed pen friends even after Trevor's leave.

I feel like I should emphasize this? My intention in the comic was to make Trevor visibly flustered because he didn't expect a young attractive boy (he's hopeless in my head), while Holmes simply didn't expect to see someone his age and so sincerely sorry.

[sangpires]

astarion does the talking in my party...

[lovesickeros]

lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...

it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy

also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]

gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.

anyway.

there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.

imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.

a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.

the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?

but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.

[bonefall]

do you have any plans for snaptooth or flywhisker, ever since I saw that fake map I've fallen in love w flywhisker lmao

You know, for the longest time I've been planning to have Snaptooth and Flywhisker be adopted kits of Toadstep and Lionblaze, but I'm writing an SE rework for Nightcloud right now and I have a temptation.

I found a good moment to send off Snapstorm, the best friend of Brushblaze, as a complication of a boar hunt gone wrong. It's right around the time that Brushblaze's kits are being born, and something feels odd about the fact he didn't name any of his kits after someone who was by his side for his entire life. SO I'm thinking about shuffling Snaptooth over to HIS litter.

Which leaves Flywhisker over in ThunderClan.

Lionblaze is the adopted father of Dovewing and Ivypool... and his terrible parenting caused Dovewing to leave ThunderClan, and Ivypool to be permanently traumatized. He breaks up his false mateship with Cinderheart to go be with the cat he really loves, Toadstep, and Flywhisker is adopted after being found abandoned.

Lionblaze's destruction of the ThunderClan family tree has been undone; so now he would only have three children. Ivy, Dove, and Fly. I like it, because Fly is growing up with all the expectations of being Firekin, but also holding the knowledge that her loving father... wasn't always the best, to her older sisters.

It would be cool if Fly was always a little bit of a rebel, and found a really good friend in WindClan. I could work her into the conflict of TBC better too, being accused of being in a HalfClan relationship when the truth is that Snaptooth is more like a brother to her. Then, of course, have them leave the Clans together.

Brushblaze's litter would be Snaptooth, Smokehaze, and Galerunner... and so, Galerunner would be left alone after his brother leaves permanently with Flywhisker.

But I'm still unsure. It's a big change, because I'd been planning for Fly and Snap to remain siblings in BB. But it does seem to work better, thinking about it...

[sagau-my-beloved]

Death At The Hands Of A God

Warnings: general sagau, imposter au, light descriptions of violence/gore, you die/are killed (by Venti), angst

-

It seemed as if the rain was particularly heavy, almost unusually so as it fell in sheets, occasionally catching the light of the moon, making it look no different than strands of silver.

That should have been a sign, the rain, the fog, the agitation of the weather. Mondstadt hadn't faced a storm this bad since before their current Archon, even the winds of Dvalin paled in comparison.

Venti was so ignorant not to pick up on the clues laid out before him by his own nation as he trudged through heavy rain, his bow at the ready and a sinking feeling in his chest.

He would never say he disliked the rain, despite what unpleasant memories linger in the back of his mind from those times. But everything carried a harsher weight when was faced with his current task, one assigned to him by no other than his creator.

Venti stopped to rest a moment, leaning against a tree for partial coverage, though it did little to shield his already soaked clothes. He felt something heavy and unpleasant in his chest as he reflected on the situation, an unshakable sense of wrongness, one that clouded his mind and dulled his senses. You were what he was after, you who posed a threat to the divine order simply because of your face.

He thought back on his creators’ honeyed words, a sickeningly sweet tone that he had never heard them use before, not that they very commonly addressed him at all, which made this particular summons out of place, a mixture of excitement and worry bubbling in his chest as he walked through their temple. To kill someone impersonating them, that is what they ordered him, hinting at the possible consequences his nation may face if he didn't comply with the utmost enthusiasm, the threat of which rang particularly loud when faced with what they had done to other nations in fits of anger.

He knew deep within him that this wasn't remotely justified, that he might as well be punished alongside you if the crime was simply stealing a face. If only you chose to look like another human, or even an Archon, he would have taken your mimicry of him as a complementary. But alas. Those feelings were pushed down and covered by the vow he made to his nation, one born of nothing but love and a promise for a brighter future.

Venti had considered alternatives, confronting you with your motive, begging you to make yourself scarce, making his own judgement on your reasons and framing his response accordingly, but those were all fleeting thoughts, quickly pushed away as soon as they arose. He couldn't get attached, he couldn't afford to think of you as human, and he certainly couldn't afford it getting back to his creator that he failed them.

He had heard about your existence from other sources, apparently being so bold as to walk directly into Mondstadt. You weren't met with pitchforks and torches, his people were more civilized than that, but the hostility was as sharp as a knife. You had left of your own accord after having no luck obtaining food or a place to stay, he had only heard after the fact from gossipers drinking late into the night, the faces of which were forced into his mind as he once again thought of his creators’ threat.

Venti was pulled from his thoughts due to a subtle noise, one almost unnoticeable through the heavy onset of rain, but it was there. A branch and a pile of leaves, something big enough to break them, and no one in their right mind would be out in this weather, except...

He swallowed what little apprehension he’d not already buried, reverting his mindset to something it had been five hundred years ago with the quick draw of his bow. The Archon saw you in the distance, just as soaked as he was, clothes tattered and foreign, scared. A quick death was the least you deserved, one free from suffering, and maybe your next life would be more forgiving.

He aimed for your head, a clear shot even now, but it seemed the moonlight that glinting off his bow caught your attention as you quickly turned your body to face him in a defensive stance, eyes wide, fearful, as if you could see what was about to come to fruition.

Your mouth moved, only fragments of the noise it produced were carried to him, broken syllables and muffled notes the very wind urged him to listen to.

You had said his name.

Venti faltered before the arrow released, for the first time in centuries, its' path no longer as steady or sure as it had been.

It hit your throat.

Venti's legs were moving before he consciously realized, forcing his body to where you fell, as if collapsing in on yourself, until he could finally see you clearly, drenched in rain and golden liquid, mixing together indiscriminately as they soak into the ground below.

There was a feeling of shock, which developed in his throat first, spreading evenly throughout the rest of his body, as if it were in his bloodstream. He looked at your terrified expression, a pained and now lifeless one, holding only fragments of the fear you felt.

What had he done.

Venti felt himself fall to his knees, hands immediately going to where his arrow lay firmly lodged, feeling for a pulse in an act he knew to be worthless.

"No. No, n-no— no. Please!" His voice cracked as his mind caught up with what his eyes were forcing him to behold.

You were the divine creator, Teyvat's one true God, and he had—

No. He couldn't even think it, the word that was on the tip of his mind carried nothing but pain, anguish and insufferable heartache, the likes of which he hadn't felt, well since...

Without thinking, Venti wrapped his arms around you, laid his head on your stomach, forced his eyes closed, and prayed. For your return, for forgiveness, and if not for any of that, then simply for a form of retribution.

He hadn't realized he'd started crying, tears and rain alike falling from his face onto your form, pooling at his eyes until the world around him became harder and harder to see.

The position you both rested in was not unlike that day long ago, forever etched in his memory and resurfaced through reflections.

Was this simple his fate? To find himself holding in his arms the corpse of someone he loved so dearly, over and over again. Was it written in his very being that all good things would be torn violently from him with little care to how it left him shattered, scrambling for the pieces of what little piece of mind he had left.

There was no coming back from this, no form of atonement. He could feel the shackles encasing his wrists, invisibly tying him to this moment, to where you had stood alive moments prior. His days of living freely died with you, forever encased in the space between where your souls had briefly met, and it was no more than he deserved.

It was only a moment later that your body was gone, dissolved into the stardust it was born from, slipping through his arms and carried by the wind that no longer obeyed him. That didn't stop him from reaching desperately, gasping and clawing at the air for what remained, heart in his throat as he begged for mercy, for anything but you depriving him of your vessel even after death.

You couldn't really be gone, not fully, you who so powerfully morphed this world from willpower alone, who disappeared for an infinite stretch of time only to descend again. Even if your vessel may have been no stronger than human, your soul was as old and powerful as existence itself, it would linger on in whatever form it had existed before, watching, waiting.

He would be ready for when you decided to give this world a second chance, he would wait an eternity and more to see your face again and repent a thousand times over, bear any hardships in the time between only to fall to his knees in complete acceptance at whatever you deem an acceptable punishment when faced with your light again.

But first...

It seemed as if there was a loose end to tie up, a deceiver bearing the ultimate sin, one much more deserving of his arrow, and one that would suffer a fate worse than death in your name.

Venti roughly brushed the tears from his face, eyes darkening as he shakily pulled himself from his knees, feeling as if his body couldn't decide between flying or collapsing.

His ‘creator’ would soon face all the fear and pain that was forced upon you, the wrath of a god who had lost everything for the second time, a goal he planned to pursue till his dying breath.

[sindar-princeling]

queer love is BEAUTIFUL, queer bodies are BEAUTIFUL, queer sex and attraction are GOOD, queer gender identity is VALID. fuck bigots in the tolkien fandom and happy pride 🏳️‍🌈

[bittersweetbeet]

Ngl this new episode is making me realize I might kin green god fuck here we go again

Im gonna project so much shit onto him you don’t even know it’s so joever for him and me

[hajihiko]

SERIOUSLY impersonating a huge asshole around a bunch of strangers and as soon as shit hits the fan and there's danger, they're like oh shit Protective Leader Mode ON we're getting through this

[undefeatablesin]

Me rising from the dead after 3 months

[popping-greenbean]

there are so many things that i could do so well,,, if only i could like.actually do them

[leverage-ot3]

a story in 3 parts:

[puddingvalkyrie]

Reading massively improved my mental health and I want to talk about it in case it can help others!

Y'all, I think we all need to read more books.

I know I'm an author so I WOULD say that and in fact, I DO say that to children at every opportunity (my dyslexia would be a LOT worse if I hadn't read so much as a kid) but hear me out.

So back in ...March/April I was pretty miserable and it was partly because Norwegian winter will do that to an unprepared foreigner but also because it was the anniversary of The Bad Thing so I felt miserable and alone.

I had no way to really remedy the situation.

But one thing I did do was... Finally crack. See, I'd been DYING to reread my Discworld books, but they are in a different country and I can't afford to go get them or have them sent to me. I have a few paper books here though - I mainly took my fairytale collections, because what did you expect? Actually I guess hardly anyone on Tumblr knows me - Alicia does two things. Vampires. And Fairytales. Didn't bring my vampire encyclopedia, too big and heavy. Anyway.

I have a part time job with an hour on the train each way. I started taking my paper books, my fairytale collections. They were full of short things I could finish easily in a train journey.

Some info. I had managed to sour reading for myself some years previously... I mainly read for research purposes, hardly picking up anything just for the fun of it. PSA: Don't do this. Do not do this. Don't. Do NOT.

And then I reread one of the few paper fiction books I had with me. I enjoy fairytales but they do still fall under 'sort of work' for me. This did not. This was a book I am eagerly awaiting the finale to.

Anyway, I finished it quickly, reading it both on and off the train. You know. For fun. Not just fill time I was stuck somewhere.

Finishing it annoyed me. I wanted more stories. I wanted more than fairytales. And so I cracked. I bought Equal Rites as an ebook. See, I'd previously decided I would not buy anything I already owned in paperback as an ebook because... Well, waste of money, something I don't have enough of. To buy my entire discworld collection in ebook format would cost as much as getting on a plane and bringing my paper ones back.

But just ONE book would be alright, wouldn't it?

So anyway I finished the book.

Of course I'm not going to read just ONE discworld book.

So I carefully ration myself ebooks, making a condition for myself that they are mainly for the train, but I am allowed to read them at home too.

And gradually... The fog lifted. Nothing much has changed besides that I'm reading books regularly again. I still have the same problems that were upsetting me in March. I was also HORRIBLY BURNED OUT until last week. But my mood is MASSIVELY improved. Like, hugely improved. And yeah, yeah, it's summer now, so the weather will have helped also. But I can pinpoint my recovery to when I started reading regularly again. And that is to say that while I was burned out, I wasn't ALSO sad.

So from now on I will be making an effort to keep reading books for fun.

It's kind of crazy that I had stopped for so long. I mean. I write books people are supposed to read for fun. Kinda hypocritical of me to like.. not do that.

I think maybe I have created this problem for myself with many of my hobbies. I tried to make drawing into a business, tried to do too much too fast, and since then I've barely drawn. I love cartoons so I watch them in Norwegian to help me learn - means I was never just relaxing while watching a cartoon for a few years. Recently started just watching cartoons in English/Japanese if I darn well feel like it.

...enough tangent, back to Why Reading Is Good.

Don't quote me on this, I am just scribbling down thoughts I've been meaning to write down for a month, therefore, am too lazy to track down any sources, but I'm pretty sure reading books is actually scientifically proven to help your brain?? I seem to remember reading your hippocampus shrinks if you don't exercise your brain enough and reading long stories does that. And a shrinking hippocampus causes depression?? I don't know anything much about brains and psychology so I must have read that somewhere.

I think a hippocampus is also like... A horse mermaid.

Again, no source, might be thinking of something from Mermaid Melody.

I'mma go read more of my current book now. It's a history book this time.

Yay books!

[svtskneecaps]

ok i do need to ask, do we like KNOW know that some egg admins have been playing as other silly npcs during this downtime or are we speculating. like i've seen people identifying admins with varying strength of basis since the eggs first existed but like. for a while there anytime an npc spoke portuguese everyone thought it was richas and then occasionally it would be agent 18 lmao so. . . are we doing that now or do we like Know lmfao

oh and to be clear i do mean varying strength; people were apparently spotting a leo admin's speech patterns earlier and since leo has such a distinct pattern (tho i'm not fluent in spanish LMAO) i'm inclined to believe that. but yea for a while people seemed to think portuguese=richas and to be fair there weren't many non-english npcs for a WHILE and really no portuguese besides richas (that we knew of) but it does mean i'm a bit more skeptical now when the audience starts trying to clock npc admins lmfao

[strwrs]

Y’all I’ve been talking about OT school on this site since before I even started the program, but tomorrowwwww I will officially be Em, Doctor of Occupational Therapy AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH