#I also may or may not have forgotten some. it's been a while since ive played TTYD or SPM

[ooctlt]

I think the etiquette of ask blogs is a forgotten art. what I'm saying is (imo) it's not that people don't want to play, it is they don't know HOW, and more importantly they don't understand that the game exists to begin with. obviously you do not have to teach people the rules because your time and energy is finite but idk. it feels like from some of your OOC responses that you assume people know the rules and are playing badly, but I genuinely think people (me) just don't know what you are wanting them (us) to do. and also they (i) don't know how to tell if they (i) are playing the game correctly.

An example I am genuinely confused about is, is inciting a "shut up" answer a signal that the game is being played correctly, because we are inciting a reaction from the character? or is a "shut up" answer a signal that we are playing wrong and need to do something different? I'm sorry. I really love your art and seeing the story unfold but I'm confused and I want to play and I don't understand how.

yeah ive had a couple people tell me this has been the first active askblog in a while and the concept of askblog etiquette has been forgotten- @thatneoncrisis and i made a diagram:

link to full-res image

a "shut up" reaction will hopefully show whether or not it's a closed path of exploration: if you have gideon sweating, going "pshhh its nothinggg" it means there is something worth exploring. if you have harrow slamming the door in your face, that is an advance that wont work on her

transcript under the readmore:

DEAD END QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU THINK HARROW'S HOT?

"Please stop talking to me."

This question is BAD because it's BLUNT, INCREDIBLY PERSONAL and founded on INCOMPLETE KNOWLEDGE of their relationship.

NOTE that its not that shitty questions will NEVER be answered, its that 1) they have a LOWER chance of being answered and 2) they have a HIGHER chance of being made fun of in character

gideon: haha who thinks harrow is HOT

DECENT INCONSEQUENTIAL QUESTION ANON: CAMILLA DO YOU LIKE TO DO ANYTHING FUN WITH HARROW?

"Sure. We run a lot of errands together."

This kind of question may not advance the plot, as it is INCREDIBLY BROAD yet NONINVASIVE. They're good for quick 1-3 panel answers. May generally be met with a less EXCITING answer.

It might also be DIFFICULT TO ANSWER because a broad question could include MULTIPLE ANSWERS - asking "do you guys go out" could not be answered SUSTAINABLY, because i cannot draw all the places they visit

ANON: EVERYONE, WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CLOUD / WATER / MOLECULAR STRUCTURE / BONE / CAR / COFFEE BRAND/ BOOK CHARACTER?

me: "i have to do so much research"

NEAT QUESTION CAMILLA HAS HARROW EVER ASKED YOU TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER SHE WAS EXCITED ABOUT?

"Yes, actually. She once invited me to [REDACTED], I didn't know she liked that sort of thing."

This question is SICK AS FUCK because not only do you learn something SUBSTANTIAL about the characters, you have stumbled upon A NEW PLOT BRANCH, one that actively deepens character connections and their past within the world. It specifically remarks upon a MEMORY* rather than AN OPINION and will typically be LONGER.

Another good option is to PROMPT something following this:

ANON: CAMILLA, MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY TAKING HARROW OUT TO DO [REDACTED] THAT SHE LIKES BEFORE XYZ?

and this can then spiral onward…

*DM, ONE TIME I ASKED ABOUT A MEMORY AND I GOT A RUDE ANSWER; WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

It's not that this topic can never be spoken about, it's about WHEN you asked it and HOW you said it, or even WHO you asked.

Some topics, like the nature of HARROW AND GIDEON'S UPBRINGING are too recent for them to talk about, it has only been TWO YEARS since they left and there are SPECIFICS about the situation that the AUDIENCE hasn't discovered yet. There are things like GIDEON'S PARENTS that she CANNOT answer because she DOESN'T KNOW and answering multiple asks with I DON'T KNOW becomes repetitive and dull for both the DM and PLAYER.

BUT! She can learn! Over time, when the time is appropriate and feels the most natural for STORY PROGESSION. Think of it like a BAD ENDING in a visual novel. You START OVER and ask a DIFFERENT QUESTION, or approach it from a DIFFERENT ANGLE. If Gideon reacts poorly to someone congratulating her leaving BAD CIRCUMSTANCES, consider talking to her about the FUTURE. Instead of trying to pry at Camilla to see if she had an INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP with Pyrrha, try to ask about other things in that period of her life, like how they met or what caused her to move out.

FINALLY, if you'd like an ask to be answered out of character, your best bet would be to goto @notedchampagne and send it there. If you'd like an ask to be answered SINCERELY or you don't want SNARK, you can specify this in the ask, but know this blog may not be your thing.

[afterhourswjay]

HI JAY! Ive been sick for like a week now so it got me wondering... how would Thoma Ayato Itto and wanderer take care of the reader when they are sick? (SFW, HEADCANON) I NEED THE MALEWIFE OR DOTING PARTNER ENERGY 😞😞😞😞❤️❤️❤️

Howdy, Kichi!! That sounds like it sucks! I'm also really, REALLY, sorry for how late this is!! I haven't had the motivation to write as of late (・・；) I've also been kinda sick myself

Drown in soup, but not literally

the reader is sick, and requires bedrest to get better. how does their partner help them out??

characters: Thoma, Ayato, Itto, and Wanderer warnings:

Thoma

goes full nurse on you

when he hears that your not feeling well, he immediately ushers you off to bed. you don't need to worry about any of your obligations, as he'll make sure to take care of them to the best of his ability

if you're sick with the flu, then he's making sure that your keeping food and fluids down

if you got a simple head cold, then he's not nearly as worried which is saying a lot

he really loves you and doesn't like the fact that theres only so much he can do to help you feel better

he gets really scared if your unable to keep stuff in your stomach

i feel like you'd be pretty good friends with ayato and ayaka, so they'd be more than willing to contact some of the best doctors on your behalf for some of the best medicine they can afford

ngl, he's super worried about you

if he notices your uncomfortable, tired, or really anything other than rested and comfortable, he'll try his best to help you out

do you need more pillows or blankets? are you hungry or thirsty? are you bored, perhaps??

makes you the best meal when your finally feeling better

probably takes you out for an evening walk as well, since you haven't really been moving while sick

definitely hovers around you a lot more for about a week or 2 after you've recovered before he eases up

he knows that getting sick is just part of life, and that it happens to everyone, but that doesn't mean he won't still worry about you

Kamisato Ayato

ngl, i feel like his attention is already split between all his responsibilities that he doesn't notice you feeling unwell at first

once he does notice, however, than he's ushering you off to rest for the time being

he doesn't want to see you trying to do any work until your feeling well

you two have been living together as a way to make it easier for him to protect you from any attempts at people trying to kidnap you for ransom

has the staff bring you anything you may need on days where he's particularly busy

he's not the best cook, either, so he has his staff cook the best foods for someone whos feeling under the weather

spends any of his spare time in your room with you

some times he'll even bring his paperwork in with him so that he can spend time with you but also get some stuff done hint: hes too worried about you to work on his stuff

your condition worsens into the flu before you start getting better

by the time your feeling better, you've pretty much got a mountain of blankets and pillows on your bed

he asks you what you want to eat a day or so after confirming with a doctor that you are officially recovered

Arataki Itto

you were taking a couple days off from taking commissions from the adventurers guild, deciding to spend it with your boyfriend arataki itto

the two of you were running around the whole of inazuma, collecting lavender melons and catching onikabuto beetles

you and itto had gotten caught in a downpour, having to book it across the beach to some makeshift and rather run down huts

why the two of you chose to come to koseki village, you'll never know

but, after the downpour passes, you two head back to your waverider and then back to inazuma city

wet clothes forgotten about due to the rest of the arataki gang having gotten into a little trouble with the guards, you proceed to talk to them while kuki shinobu chews out everyone

eventually, like. close to sundown, your able to make your way to your home to change out of your still damp clothes

you catch a cold the day after, having full body shivers

with practically no word from you for a few days has the whole gang worried for your wellbeing, and they practically break into your home

when you wake up, all bleary eyed from sleep, your met with the group surrounding your bed

after explaining you just have the chills, and are fine for the most part, the most of them leave to go do what they do most days

however, itto sticks around, keeping you company

he does also apologize for the fact that you got caught in the rain a few days ago

you immediately tell him that he has nothing to be sorry about, unless he can control the weather and intentionally made it downpour on the two of you

you then get out of bed, giving him a hug, and then meander off to your kitchen, asking him to help you make some soup

Wanderer

whenever you start being sucked down by depression, you tend to push yourself to work harder

and, often times, this leads you to neglecting your own needs

he may not be the best boyfriend, what with having to sort through his past and his feelings, but he does try his best

he's also hella observant. while he may not comment on everything, hardly anything is able to get past him

so, he makes a mental note every time you add another commission onto your growing list of commissions

he starts to grow annoyed with you when, instead of stopping to take a break for lunch that, you decide to just eat lunch on the way to your next commission

you don't really know what you did to upset him, but kuni seems to start making what your brain interprets as snide comments towards you sometimes

it isn't until your body decides to rebel against you and you fall sick when you realize that he wasn't really making snide comments towards you, thats just how your tired brain interpreted it

he was trying to warn you about pushing yourself to do more than what your body could handle

kuni doesn't really let you do anything until your recovered from being sick

he puts you back on a proper schedule, making sure you get 3 meals a day, all easy on your stomach as to not make you feel worse than you likely already are

he also puts you on a proper sleep schedule, making sure you get between 8-10 hours of sleep a night

kuni's surprisingly nice while your sick. he knows how much more sensitive you are to his usual comments during times like these so he saves the lectures for when your back to feeling 100% better

its ok, tho. he's back to being mean, and more than makes up for it by basically dragging you all over sumeru and inazuma for ascension materials

[danphantom]

oh hey i wanna talk abt smth thats been on my mind both lately and on and off for a while in general. sorry this ended up being a hella long post lol. but i have a lot to say

so...for context, ive been in the phandom for 10 years--since 2014--though it has admittedly been on and off in terms of engagement from me. in 2017 i got into dragon ball and all but dropped danny phantom completely with a few small drawings here and there. it was only like..within the past week that i actually got back into the phandom legitimately again, actively making art and posts about it and engaging with the source material and etc

anyway, i was obsessed with dp from 2014-late 2017 (until i got into dbz). i made lots and lots of fanart, played the gba games like all the damn time (i got to where i could speedrun tue lol), rewatched the show regularly...i was even one of those fans that bought obscure merch and learned useless trivia that ive since forgotten. in 2015 a lot of you may remember that i made @doppelgangercomic, a comic about an au i had where dan got a redemption arc (albeit a bumpy one) and future vlad was there and stuff happened (go read the comic LOL). it got a LOT of love and traction! it made me really happy to see all the positivity around my work like that :) i actually got a lot of positive responses towards my work in general. i had a really great time in the phandom back then

then i changed fandoms and kinda fell out of the phandom space. after being on a hiatus from the phandom until literally a week ago, i honestly have to say ive felt like i kind of...faded into obscurity in the phandom's eyes? basically i feel like old news. people dont generally know what doppelganger is now. they may have seen my art in passing here and there but they dont know who i am anymore. i think the only place people actively still find my old danny phantom art from when i was heavily active is...deviantart lol. i get notifications from favorites literally every day there. but uh anyway--im not saying this to garner pity or tell a sob story or anything! im just expressing some thoughts and feelings ive had for a long time lol.

the reason i bring this ^ up though, is because like...i know its not true? logically, i know that i DID make an impact in the fandom i loved/love so so much. i left my mark on both the fandom in an artistic sense, and also the people in the fandom, and sometimes i forget that because i get significantly less engagement on my posts than i used to. but i know that doesnt mean that people dont like my stuff anymore, or that ive been forgotten.

i actually got a message from someone today--a friend i made kinda recently who approached me bc they liked doppelganger actually. they told me that basically its surreal to them that theyre talking to me as a friend because they remember reading doppelganger when they were younger and looking up to me because of it. and it really reminded me of what i said previously--ive not been forgotten, and people still do appreciate and love what ive put out into the world (specifically about danny phantom in this case). ive made an impact on people's lives even when i dont realize it or see it physically. the message and sentiment made me feel really really good and nice and happy and honestly relieved, because the phandom and danny phantom as a media has been an extremely important and impactful part of my life ever since i got into it ten years ago. i literally changed my name to dan because of it lol. it was the reason i found stephen silver's work and went down that path of my art journey. its the reason i found so many amazing people and friends and artists and continue to do that even now. i owe a lot to danny phantom and the phandom as a whole, and i try to give back in the only ways i know how--mainly thru showing my passion through my art and posts.

anyway erm. yeah. all of this to say i wanted to thank yall--the phandom--for supporting me all this time, whether youve been with me from the beginning or if youre just joining me recently. youve been an absolute delight in my life and i know youll continue to be for a long time. :)

[hushed-chorus]

Six Photo Sunday

Hey everyone, I hope you've had a good week! I'm scheduling this ahead of time so thanks to everyone who may have tagged me already!

Today I'm doing something a little different. I wanted to share some photos of places that inspired What Remains After The Storm.

Although WRATS is pitched as a fantasy AU, I'd say that is a 'flag of convenience' (i.e. I could play fast and loose with the setting to suit the story's needs). In many ways, WRATS is a historical fantasy based in Cornwall, UK, including Cornish mythology and fictionalisations of real places. So please enjoy these photos and tidbits on the fic's inspiration.

I'll share the first photo above the cut, and the following five below.

Cornish cliffs (Image by Tim Hill)

Whenever I imagine young Simon scurrying around on the cliffs, I think of something like this. The moor backs onto the cliffs, and the sea is often rough. Wrecks were incredibly common around Cornwall's coast, owing partly to strong currents and its many reefs and skerries. Many impoverished locals would seize the cargo of wrecked ships, and were often accused of intentionally luring ships to wreck by using false lights, but there is no clear evidence that this happened.

More (and tags) below the cut

Bodmin Moor (Image by Richard Norris)

The Cornish moorland has been gently grazed for centuries, so it is a patchwork of heather, gorse, bracken, coarse grass and distinctive granite tors which resemble pancakes stacks (though not pictured are some of the beautiful wooded valleys, one of which features in chp 8). It is exposed, frequently windy, and often dangerous--dotted with forgotten mine shafts and boggy terrain. When not at his barn, this is where Simon wanders with his goats.

Mên-an-Tol (Image by LoggaWiggler)

This formation of neolithic standing stones is one of my favourite places in Cornwall. Local folklore says that if you suspect that your child has been stolen by Fae and a changeling left in its place, you can pass the changeling through the hole and have your child returned to you. It was also credited with curing rickets. This formation and its legend is directly referenced in WRATS, where it is known as "the Way-In Stone" (and previously known by Simon as "The Scone With The Hole").

St Michael's Mount (Image by Tim Hill)

My other favourite place in Cornwall! This small tidal island is where Pitch Manor is based in WRATS. It can be reached at low tide by a causeway (pictured part-submerged here) amd otherwise must be reached by boat. The island includes a castle and chapel, with a small village and harbour on its landward-facing side. In WRATS, the location has been the seat of the Pitches since time immemorial, but in reality it has a long and varied history, such as a site of pilgrimage, siege and tourism.

St Ives harbour, Cornwall, no date given (from the book Reflections of Old Cornwall by Reg Watkiss)

More vibes for you! Fishing was the basis of Cornwall's economy for centuries. Whenever a shoal of fish was sighted off the coast, almost everyone would turn out to help. The men and various boats worked together, arranging their nets to scoop up the whole shoal, while the women waiting in the harbour to salt and barrel them.

Newlyn, Cornwall c. 1900 (from Reflections of Old Cornwall)

This steep, cobbled street is very typical of Cornish villages. Many of the granite cottages are homes which doubled up as fish cellars, but some structures were inns or boat- and basket-makers' sheds. When I look at this, I can't help but think of a bare-footed Baz, hood drawn over his face, angrily stomping a puddle. Today, most Cornish villages are dominated by holiday lets and airbnbs, and many of the houses have been renovated beyond recognition. However, you can still glimpse some of the old charm in numerous places.

Ok so yeah, that's my love letter to Cornwall done. Thank you for indulging me, and I hope the readers of WRATS get something out of this!

@johnwgrey @bookish-bogwitch @artsyunderstudy @erzbethluna @facewithoutheart @captain-aralias @raenestee @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @yeonjunenby @cutestkilla @ivelovedhimthroughworse @larkral @stitchyqueer @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @ileadacharmedlife @confused-bi-queer @aristocratic-otter @tea-brigade @whogaveyoupermission @nightimedreamersworld @fatalfangirl @thewholelemon @onepintobean @chen-chen-chen-again-chen @shrekgogurt @theearlgreymage @martsonmars @blackberrysummerblog @orange-peony @palimpsessed @valeffelees

[korn-y-copia]

Heir Apparent

Hi yes, I am currently experiencing baby fever (it’s bad), and I am unashamedly in love with Copia (it’s bad) and from that fatal concoction, this monstrosity (my first ever published work!) has been born.

I am new to all of this and could not think of a proper title, but basically, please enjoy this little piece entailing the first few hours following the birth of your son with Papa Emeritus IV (it is intended to be very fluffy, I really hope it reads that way!)

Word count: 1,333 (roughly)

Written in second person P.O.V. 

Warnings: AFAB reader (gendered language, “mamma,” and “cara” should be the only instances), slight cursing, allusion to Terzo being a whore (affectionate), mentions of “parental instincts,” brief mentions of childbirth and breastfeeding which some readers may find uncomfortable!! If I missed anything please let me know! Constructive feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

“Ah, shit,” grunted Copia, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. The first 40 times, it was because your water broke. The next twenty instances slipped between haphazardly lifting you from your seat in the car, to wheeling you into the hospital. The latter 39 counts were muttered and groaned as you gripped his hand amid labor, in such an ungodly grip that it took an hour for the feeling in it to return. In that time, rather reluctantly, he sped back to the ministry (Nuclear Assault blasting the entire way, and yet he hadn’t “heard” it), his mind in such a euphoric haze that he also failed to register when Primo concernedly inquired about you and the baby, or to notice when he nearly trampled Terzo and his chosen sister of the evening, or when he bumped into Secondo—an action that would normally result in Copia nearly dying of fright—while on his way to your shared quarters, to retrieve the forgotten hospital bag for you (luckily, his brothers, for as unforgiving as they could be, gave him a break just this once, since they understood the importance of the evening—the Emeritus bloodline was now secured once more, with the birth of Copia’s son). Now, after grabbing the bag, quickly changing into his favorite pair of sweats (he of course, nearly tripped changing into them) and bumping into several nurses in his hurried return to you, he found himself uttering his favorite foreign curse for the hundredth time, as his cacophonous movements, upon reaching your room, caused a stir from the bundle of blankets lying in the bassinet before him. Copia winced when the gentle coos of his awakening son quickly turned to cries. Panicking, the potent concoction of his paternal instincts—which he had nurtured, and refined through the help of several parenting books, and attending doctor’s appointments with you throughout your pregnancy—chronic anxiety, and adrenaline, sent him into action.

“Aw, what’s the matter, little man?” He fussed, caressing his son’s cheek before settling his gloved hand on his belly, patting him softly. “Why do you cry? Why—you should be happy, yes. You have the best mamma in the world!” The baby, not yet named, only looked up at him with a pair of curious eyes, matching his own. The tears had stopped at the familiar sound of his father’s voice (Copia had made it a point to talk to your belly as often as his papal duties allowed him to, for this exact reason). Copia smiled, his eyes threatening to fill up with tears once more (when the baby was first born only a few hours ago, he had been in near hysterics). “Yeah, you do!” He continued, “and your papa,” he gestured to himself. “he might not always be around, but he’ll…” his mind momentarily wandered back to his childhood. He still carried with him the heavy weight of growing up without the love of a mother or father. There was still a lonely child residing within him, one that sat outside in the bitter rain, on the steps of the abbey, wrapping his arms around himself as he cried into his lap, relying only on himself to bring him comfort, since no one else would. He’d be damned now (again) if he’d let his son fall victim to this same lonesome fate. “He’ll be there, sì? I promise.” Papal duties or not, Copia would always make his way back to his son, and to you—this was a promise both to his son, and to himself. The baby soon dozed back off to sleep, causing Copia to hum contently. He took the opportunity, in the silence of the room, to carefully lift the baby—exhausted from his entry into this world—into his arms, holding him to his chest as he sat down in the recliner beside you, taking the moment to sigh in relief. He couldn’t help himself—he was just too restless, too exited to finally be a father—and so he sat there, eyes fixated on every little movement the baby made, rubbing his thumb across his cheek. “My little man,” Copia whispered, placing a kiss to his forehead. He sat there, snuggling his son and heir, ignorant of the time that had passed, but relishing in every moment of it, until he began to fuss again.

Copia rocked him in his arms gently, soothing him. “Oh, why so negative, huh? Are you hungry? You want a little somethin’-somethin’?” The baby only continued to whimper. “Come on,” he grunted, standing up from the recliner (which certainly wasn’t doing his back any favors), and approached your bed. “Maybe mamma has a little somethin’-somethin’.” Exhausted from the birth, you’d fallen asleep shortly after, only awoken when nurses came in to check on you—Copia wouldn’t dare wake you, after having witnessed all the tears, and the screams of pain that you suppressed (not wanting your son to enter the world to such a jarring noise), none of which he could ease, all while you birthed another human. Now it seemed, out of necessity he would have to, and so while holding your son firmly with one hand, he brought the other to the side of your face, tucking loose strands of hair behind your ear. The sensation of leather, just barely ghosting your skin awoke you. With your eyes still blurry from exhaustion, you questioned “is the baby okay?” Copia’s heart melted. “He is here, amore,” he spoke gently. “He is okay. But, uh, I think he needs his mamma now.” That was enough to momentarily bring you out of the haze of exhaustion, as your own instincts filled you in on what precisely Copia meant. Sitting up, you allowed him to hand you your son for the first time. “Oh, he’s perfect!” You cooed, examining his little face. Once more, Copia found himself utterly bewitched by your bright smile—it made him just as weak in the knees as the first time you had met. “He has your nose,” you chuckled, looking at Copia (his old nose, anyway). Copia smiled softly, relishing in the unholy vision before him. He long dreamt of being a papa, and part of that dream was seeing you as a mamma—and here you were, glowing and radiant, and absolutely divine in his eyes, as you cuddled your son close to you, guiding him to feed. You sighed, relaxing as you felt the baby successfully latch onto your breast. You looked up to Copia, who now moved closer, sitting beside you on the bed. He kissed your temple, gently petting your hair as he whispered praises to you. “Oh, you did so good. Molto bene, cara mia,” he softly spoke, rubbing the back of his knuckles against your cheek. You nuzzled against his touch, closing your eyes, content to finally be holding one boy in your arms, and to be held in the arms of the other. Silence lingered as your mind danced between a state of consciousness and unconsciousness. “Copia?” You finally spoke. He looked at you with such softness in his eyes, that you could have sworn you’d melt into a puddle right there. “Amore?” “Thank you.” He waved his hand dismissively. “I should be thanking you! You carried him, you did all of the hard work—” “for those things you said, about me being the ‘best mamma in the world?’” You smiled, heat rushing to your cheeks at the remembrance of words spoken so earnestly. Now it was Copia’s turn to blush, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly. “Heh. You heard that, did you?” “Copia,” you spoke slowly. “Hm?” “I think you forgot something.” His face fell, as he momentarily panicked, assessing the room. “What, what is it, amore?” You bit your lip, finding him just as endearing as the first time you had met him, and beckoned him closer, whispering “he has the best papa in the world too.”

Note: “molto bene, cara mia” = “very good, my dear (f.);” “amore” = “love;” “sì” = “yes;” “mamma” = “mama.”

[musiclover2732]

@zexalmonth Day 8: Dress-Up Day

so for today i wanted to assign Eras Tour outfits to different characters. this will just be a list because that is way too many outfits to try and draw.

gonna limit this to one outfit per Era otherwise it might get confusing since there are some variants and she adds things to the base outfits like jackets and shirts and idk if those count as a separate outfit or not. there will be a bias towards the dresses from my show.

Lover Era bodysuit w/ blazer - Rio Kamishiro: the blazer that Taylor wears during The Man (and just that song itself) fits Rio so well. it’s sparkly and fun, but still has an aura of power. and Rio would definitely enjoy flexing her muscles in front of over 70,000 people! the Lover Era in general fits her very well. trying to be confident but still visibly insecure and unsure. there are less love songs on Lover than Rep and it shows. all color variants of the outfit work well with her too honestly.

Fearless Era dress - Mizael: it’s too perfect. specifically the variant that looks like a flapper dress. like, can you imagine him doing the little twirls that Taylor does while she sings Fearless. it’s an Era about discovery and embracing new changes, so that can be compared to how Mizael has his whole sense of self shaken when he finds out he was once human. the outfit also just generally fits the aesthetic we see from him in the show.

evermore Era orange dress - Thomas Arclight: the depressed and forgotten middle child. am i talking about IV or evermore? the world may never know. the orange dress specifically because it’s for ‘Tis The Damn Season since the No Body No Crime dress was too sparkly and badass for him.

Reputation Era asymmetrical bodysuit - Vector: my second favorite Era goes to my second favorite character. i almost wore this Rep-inspired top that i have but remembered that it’s a three hour concert and decided to prioritize comfort. he is Rep Era to a T however. the black and red suit him as do the snakes. the bridge of Don’t Blame Me takes us swifties to church which is incidentally how i feel watching Vector duel. vaguely sexual but clearly the focus is on being bitchy. Taylor mocking and flipping off the other Eras during LWYMMD is very Vector.

Speak Now Era ballgown - Michael Arclight: this one is obvious but so fitting. fairytale era for the history nerd. he is so the Speak Now Era with his sword and sweetness but also with his deep longing for the last which has been lost and a ruined childhood you can never get back, but still you must move forward with optimism tainted with fear. he also just deserves a big, beautiful, sparkly dress. honorable mention to Durbe in the one long sleeved SN dress that i don’t particularly care for at all.

Red Era 22 outfit - Yuma Tsukumo: ah yes the playful t-shirt that will say “A LOT GOING ON AT THE MOMENT”, “WHO’S TAYLOR SWIFT ANYWAY, EW”, or “WE ARE NEVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER. LIKE EVER” alongside the famous black hat that is handed to one lucky fan each night. this is just so Yuma. joyful and fun, but still very kind and generous. the energy from 22 is very much his style, spending time with friends as a way to let got and distract yourself from the scary and sad stuff.

folklore Era green dress - Astral: first and foremost Astral would look amazing in green. but more importantly, folklore is an Era that involves a lot of self reflection and having wisdom from experience. there’s the playful sassiness and joy of betty, the 1, tlgad, and even august. those long sleeves were clearly a lot of fun to move around in; very gentle and floaty like Astral. but then there’s the pain and anguish of the illicit affairs bridge (which calls to mind Yuma’s betrayal at the Sargasso duel). the quiet acceptance and sorrow of my tears ricochet. and finally the knowledge and looking back while also looking forward while loving someone not quite as mature as you in cardigan. (the white dress could also work here, but not the purple one)

1989 Era orange two-piece - Anna Kozuki: the fun and peppy pop Era, my favorite Era! cheerful, yet destructive. i could so see Anna wearing this while destroying a man’s possessions with a golf club. still a hint of romance, but also this is where Taylor shows the Lover house being burned so y’know how it is. i actually debated putting Anna as my favorite girl on Day 4 but i had felt bad about not liking Rio before and she tied into the OC i talked about. i’ve loved Anna since the beginning tho and she is so underrated much like 1989. they would both kill a man with a smile on their face. Anna uses a bright pink cannon and Taylor has a light-up golf club so you can see the similarities. (the pink variant would also apply here but not the green one)

the Surprise Song dresses - Kaito Tenjo: because the surprise song is different every night there really is no theme or deeper reason. i just think he would look cute in them. he also has acoustic guitar vibes.

Midnights Era t-shirt - Ryoga Kamishiro: the depression shirt. i could fill a book with characters that fit the lyrics of Anti-Hero (my self-insert OC included) but not only does Shark fit that song (along with some of Midnight Rain, which is sung for part of when Taylor wears this outfit), he also would look the best in the outfit. we see the leggings for the rest of the set, but they aren’t the focus. the oversized and sparkly shirt is very Shark in a way i can’t quite explain. i actually drew inspiration for this by dressing my doll custom (who i still need to do the eye-swap for) in a similar outfit. it also kind of parallels the Lover outfit which i already assigned to Rio. (bonus: Kyoji Yagumo in the outfit for Vigilante Shit would kill. it already reminds me of his canon outfit anyway. i think he deserves to do a sexy chair dance after all his trauma. plus he likes getting dirt on corrupt people and making them pay!)

so that’s my list. i may draw these one day, but today is not that day.

[marvelousquing]

SO this may or may not have been an idea thats been knocking around in my head for a Fair While though so far ive only managed to finish kris and lancers concepts

I had no idea what to call this until recently but the title Determination Paradox came to mind and smth abt it just feels like a natural fit for what the basic plot entails

there's several sources of inspiration for this, like the tendency of fat characters in media to be portrayed as either goofy comic relief or demonized as disgusting slobs with little nuance or in-between, the what-if when a human with a red SOUL channels their determination into wanting to die, falling down a rabbit hole surrounding the jack playing card and french literature, wanting to make a story that celebrates the insanity and creativity only possible through pure fandom (or as i call it "true fanfic"), and the drought of chapters inflicting some serious brain rot on my head.

anyway more details under the cut lmao

Jack Lancer

Lancer moved with his remaining family and Susie to Faraway Town just five days before his 17th birthday. Despite the macabre rumors and bad aura surrounding his new house, he's quick to warm up to Faraway and its human populace, though the strange jock next door is avoidant of him for reasons he doesn't yet know. His jolly face and kindness hide an ugly scar that continues to haunt him through moving day - and it is through the scar that he discovers the secret in the music room. He keeps a cracked pencil in his right pocket, though he doesn't remember who it belonged to.

Nave (AKA Omori)

This Omori is the remnants of Sunny's lingering soul and Lancer's insecurities and forgotten trauma fused into a new being after Lancer sleeps in Sunny's old room on his first night in Faraway. With his broken sword, he silently carries Lancer's pain after his failure to protect Sunny left him with no purpose. However, while his intents are noble, his methods are not exactly healthy...

Susie

Susie was taken in by the House of Cards as King Hathy's adoptive daughter and is Lancer's only remaining friend since childhood. Her hostile exterior masks a heroic and playful side only visible to those she trusts most, though she is also not above compassion and kindness when it's needed. She converted the treehouse in the backyard to her bedroom, as it makes her feel like a savage creature lurking in the woods.

Kris Dreemurr

Kris was the third friend in Lancer's group. They are not an active force in Nave or Susie's adventures, but they provide a place to shop and rest should the pair ever run short on supplies. It is said that Nave's sword once belonged to them, but an injury forced them to step down.

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi, so, I'm an otherlinker, and ive been considering linking a dragon, but I'm not sure where to start, so I was wondering 1) if you could give me some advice on being draconic, if that makes sense? And/or 2) link some blogs/resources that might be of help? Sorry if this is a bit much, I'm just not sure where to look for this kind of stuff 😓

So, first off, I'm... honored by the request, honestly. I'm no 'linker, and I confess I don't know much about how to best go about 'linking something in general, but I know draconity, so let's see what I can give you there.

I am going to assume, since you're coming to me, that you're looking to become a dragon at least somewhat similar to my own species. I clarify this because, as you likely know, "dragon" is an enormously broad term that can mean a lot of things. There are dragons out there that have almost nothing in common with my species. That may, if you haven't considered it yet, be a good place to start - what kind of draconity are you looking to achieve? This can be as broad or specific as you like; don't feel like you need to iron out every detail, but having a vague idea is probably a good move.

For the rest of this, I will mostly assume that the answer you came to was something adjacent to my own species, because that's the experience I can speak to most directly. So:

What does being a dragon mean to you?

Why are you looking to become a dragon? What about it appeals to you? The strength and ferocity of a territorial apex predator, able to protect itself and the things and people it cares about and unafraid of much of anything? The wisdom and knowledge of a being that can live hundreds or thousands of years, the riddlemaster dragon archetype who knows secrets the rest of the world has forgotten and who approaches difficult times with wisdom and grace? The freedom of a child of Earth and Sky, able to fly up high, see the world from afar, and remember that this, too, is smaller than it seems up close and shall pass into a gentler future? The ferality of a creature free from the constraints and expectations of human society, living by instinct? A creature that can be proud of its strength and beauty and flawless nature, never wavering in its self-confidence? Something else entirely? All of these things are dragon, and yet not every dragon experiences all - or any! - of them. (Such is the nature of a word that includes so many species within it.)

What are the downsides of what you're considering, the parts of draconity - specifically, the type of dragon you're considering becoming - that might cause problems for you? A powerful, protective apex predator likely comes with a territorial instinct and a prey drive that can be inconvenient at times. A wise, knowledgeable, ancient being may also become slower to move and hesitant to make changes it needs to. A creature of freedom and distancing may become prone to escapism and not wanting to face its problems up close. And just in general, dragons are prone to vanity and pride - we are, after all, creatures that deserve to be proud of ourselves ;) (joking. this is a joke) - and while that can certainly be good for your self-confidence, it can also easily go too far and turn to arrogance and an allergy to admitting wrongness. (There's a reason draconic spaces are so prone to toxicity, violent misanthropy, and interpersonal drama.) Are these things things you can manage, things you're willing to risk taking on as part of yourself?

So. All those things that hopefully weren't just repeating things you'd already thought about aside.

Giving you advice on how to feel more draconic is... difficult, given that I'm starting from a place of draconity to begin with, but there are things that help me connect with my draconity. Physical activity works for a lot of people; aggressive things like Krav Maga works best for me, but some report biking feels like flying and other things like that. Being out in nature, especially places where I can get up high and feel the wind, helps a lot - plus my prey drive goes wild in any place where there's a lot of birds and other small animals moving around; trying to pay more attention to them may get your predator drive in gear too. Hoarding behavior - collecting hoard items, arranging and displaying them, and showing them off to others - definitely is high-key draconic hours for me.

Games that let you play as a dragon are few and far between, but I'm going to give Golden Treasure: The Great Green its own paragraph here, because as a game made with input from dragons, I'm of the opinion it's probably a really good way to get you thinking from a draconic perspective - at least one kind of draconic perspective, one that's very reflective of my own, though there's certainly dragons out there who don't connect especially well with that kind of dragon.

Generally speaking, actively taking time to engage with your senses, try to induce phantom shifts and imagine yourself as a dragon, make draconic noises, and otherwise act like a dragon is probably the biggest way to go about it. In terms of more daily-life activities, I... kind of don't have a lot for you, actually; most of my constant-small-daily things are me trying to manage my draconity (don't growl or snarl at that person annoying you, remember that no one else can see you gesturing with your wings and tail, don't listen to the instinct that says you should steal and hoard the crystal in that drawer because its owner isn't guarding it appropriately, etc. etc.), and I'm not really sure how to give advice on going the opposite direction without giving you more problems than help, ha.

As far as links go, I don't have a whole lot on otherlinking, or on draconity specifically, but some places to start:

The Chordata Guide to Otherlinking

Can't link it directly without Tumblr blocking my post from the tags, which I don't want because I want people to give input if they have it, but the website tomorrowlands.org/draconity/index.html, has draconic writings that helped me enormously during my awakening

beyondhumanity.net/home

invisibleotherkin.neocities.org/

lunastre-draconis.dreamwidth.org/641.html, which is a big ol’ list of other websites, forums, and Discord servers to look through

And there’s probably more in my “kin resources” tag (which, contrary to the outdated name, contains resources for all sorts of alterhuman terms and experiences)

Hopefully that all helped at least somewhat, and maybe others have more input, especially 'linkers and especially dragonlinkers - I'm afraid I don't actually know any dragonlinkers firsthand, but I'm sure they're out there. Keep an eye on the notes on this post for a while for any others who might be giving input!

[uniquezombiedestiny]

🖊?

oh hey. dusts this off. i have a new oc to write about :)

ive started playing fallen london recently so: say hi to maethyl fallow! a "devious and watchful individual of mysterious and indistinct gender." she also forgor (most of her lore is based around forgetting - her backstory is that she got lost in a cave of irrigo, an eldritch color that makes you forget when you look at it for too long.)

their story begins in fucking prison <3. all she knows is that her imprisonment is unjust - and, more importantly, inconvenient. so! they and an unlucky devil make their way out and become friends. she discovers that she's here in london for the wonder of the place - she has a lot to relearn, after all. on their escape, the devil leaves, but they're still friends :)

she decides to go to spite, one of four cities of fallen london. this is a place all about stealth, full of crime - mostly pickpocketing. they spend their first week or two here homeless and lost, doing both a lot of courier jobs and a lot of theft. i eventually learn how to travel (attributed to her memory loss of the world around her), and also get a home. yay!

after some mysterious communication with a benefactor, plus accessing the shops, she finally has better clothing than a prisoner's outfit. a maid outfit (and some shiny shoes!). this decreases their shadowy (stealth) stat but it was hilarious so i did it anyway

after some more stealing, a few courier jobs, and meeting a rat in her rented attic room, she makes her way to the carnival. she does just a little more theft, got her fortune read, and went to the mirror area. big mistake.

editing note: hey, this was right! she went on a journey to nightmare hell, and found plenty of mushrooms in her bath. the newspaper and poetry ones are kinda unknown, but the journalist storyline may fufill those.

for context: mae's discovered the joy of promenading - in the crowds of spite, a new location, you can go on trips and try stealing from various people. here, mae steals from a prison guard, gaining nightmares 1. she's also stabbed by jack for trying to steal from him (it was a like 20% chance), gaining wounds 2. hooray!

she looks into a mirror of nightmares, and upon looking closer due to the lack of a reflection, falls straight in. she is now in a world of madness, where all is red and gold and her nightmares increase to 8, described as "raving" (and right below "THEY'RE COMING THEY'RE COMING THEY'RE COMING," at 7).

bitch, you are trapped in the nightmare dimension.

anyway, it's like a hotel. they have rooms to stay, food and drink to serve, and other places for guests, reception, etc.. while mae has become paranoid, haunted by her nightmares in the form of encroaching mist in the corner of her eye, the guests are just as insane as she is. somehow, she cant help but find them welcoming, and has a few good interactions with some of them.

notably, without anything else to do (see: i was impatient), mae basically waterboarded herself for a day or two. you're able to drink from the fountain in the lobby if you like, which can decrease your nightmares stat. failing this will knock down your persuasion stat, though.

guess who reached 0 persuasion (but hey, nightmares 6!)?

after becoming a donkey a few times, she eventually stops waterboarding herself to find that she has forgotten how to speak and think properly, let alone eloquently. she does still converse with the guests a few times, but she's pretty much talking like a kid now.

during all of this, i also draw cards for some other interactions, among them being: met a white cat a few times, a lizard appeared in her room twice, fungal infestations in the bath, and the view outside her room being various things. she's been wanting to speak to the manager since day 1, damn it. and speaking of drawing, i also drew some art of maethyl gone mad!

although the guests (and water) are awfully convincing about how this place is better than fallen london - i mean, the red and gold is quite pretty, and the service is great, too - she eventually looks out of her window one last time before finding herself awake in her room. she's probably spent ~2 weeks in there. they are themselves again! as their nightmares stat dropped and mae became less paranoid, a melancholy took it's place, though (she just has melancholy 1).

well, on she goes. more promenading ensues, a few cards are drawn, and she regains some stats from the rat she talked to. she also befriends an urchin kid.

eventually, on intercepting courier routes, she snatches a brown letter containing blackmail on a journalist. he sells it for something more practical - the heartless route, where they gain 2 heartless (a quirk, similar to melancholy).

(steadfast is gained later - subtle is from drinking some healing stuff from a bottle and following the instructions exactly. this is what brought her wounds down to 1.)

later, she meets that same journalist, and does a few jobs for him with her stealthiness. she then tracks him down, growing suspicious, as his newspaper's never shown up anywhere, and what use does he have for the info she's getting? he's found doing some boring stuff, but she does overhear him at a bar, talking about his clients and other things, that basically proved mae right. she's then contacted by a different journalist for a different newspaper - she gets some findings, but what use do they have for this, either? in the end, she tracks both of them down to a fighting ring, where they laugh about their dimwitted employers... among other things (i forgor). she learns their secrets and plans to use the knowledge somehow, rather than blackmail them for money.

in the meantime, she's had a drink with someone, having a toast to the cheery man, ruthless but a man of his word. here is where she gains 2 steadfast!

she's currently area-diving, planning an escapade through the lower stairs for valuables. it's not done yet, though.

and that's all for her so far! personality-wise, they're quite eccentric, with a few friends both animal and human. they're outgoing and friendly (or at least polite), but their voice has an eerie quality to it that may turn some people away. they struggle with their words sometimes, too.

beyond that, though, she's quite stealthy, adjusting well to spite. she's even become a bit heartless, disconnected from those around her. honestly, that nightmare realm trip may have affected her more than it seems.

behind all of it, though, is... an odd melancholy. like the fog of her dreams that not even she can see through. perhaps it's something she's forgotten.

we all got that home with an indescribable sadness /ref

[illegiblewords]

ARCHON THESIS: LAHABREA | PART V

During Shadowbringers, I decided to assemble the analysis I’d collected on Lahabrea in one readily accessible place. An archon thesis as it were.

I’ve since realized it’s not so easy to track updates though, so from this point on I’m going to make additions separate posts with links attached.

An insane amount of lore was dropped during 6.2. I've got reason to think it’s only the beginning. Originally I was going to put all of my new analysis in one place, but tumblr has repeatedly deleted my progress and wrecked formatting because the post got too large/complicated. Unfortunately I need to break this into multiple parts as best I can.

Content Warning for series, includes discussions of mental illness, self-harm, suicide, abuse, sexual assault, coercion/enslavement, and similarly dark narrative themes.

For accessibility purposes, the analysis so far: Part I Part II Part III Part IV

I’m going to start by reviewing points from previous sections to see what lines up with what is known atm with slight teasers for subjects I plan to cover.

PART I

Theme of Lahabrea suffering in plain sight and being overlooked or misunderstood remains consistent. Added consistency: misunderstanding makes him a subject of disdain, resentment, and similar insults.

Lahabrea lying either directly or by omission to avoid burdening those around him with his personal issues remains consistent.

Lahabrea being sincerely invested in the safety of the star confirmed. He is not a secret sadist doing evil for evil’s sake, just emotionally constipated and possibly also hysterical.

Reiteration that Lahabrea has been self-harming on a spiritual level for a very, very long time. Expanded by 6.2 to reveal he’s been doing this since before the Final Days with at least some being trauma and mental health related--if not the entirety.

Elidibus, as Themis, confirmed at one point did explicitly know Lahabrea is prone to self-harm--especially if he’s afraid of burdening or harming others with himself. He also knew that Lahabrea lies either directly or by omission as part of this pattern of behavior. Unfortunately, in the present timeline Elidibus has forgotten such a huge amount of information that it is very likely he won’t remember this. Note: Emet-Selch has also been aware of the damage Lahabrea inflicted on his own soul, but still refers to him as Unsundered. I have seen speculation on whether Lahabrea has either been self-sundering or may have had half of his soul sundered while the other half remained in-tact. He would no longer be Unsundered if that was the case.

Confirmed Elidibus and Lahabrea were on sincerely positive terms in the past. Additionally, the nature of Lahabrea’s bond with Igeyorhm has been expanded upon and given more detail. Worth noting that while Lahabrea was a celebrated orator and the Convocation’s Speaker, the one who held the seat as master of rhetoric was Igeyorhm. Additionally worth noting that when Lahabrea was struggling in the aftermath of Athena Igeyorhm was one of two Convocation members who were there to lend support.

Confirmed Lahabrea ABSOLUTELY has trauma related to horrifying mouths, consuming, and screaming juxtaposed with his role as Speaker and a renowned orator. Worth noting here that depictions of demons in Western occultism frequently feature mouths in anatomically incorrect places. This has been expanded further to make clear Lahabrea also has trauma and complexes surrounding eyes, and specifically eyes where they shouldn’t be. Worth noting that many Christian depictions of god use the symbol of an eye observing the world. Examples below from Livre de la Vigne nostre Seigneur (1450–1470), art from Mount Tabor church in Israel, and Cathedral Basilica of the Assumption in Lviv, Ukraine.

Confirmed that Lahabrea ABSOLUTELY has issues with worms/serpents as tied to sin and corruption concepts on a personal level, emphasized in Hegemone and Hephaistos fights in particular.

Lahabrea being directly responsible for the First Beast currently unconfirmed, but remains plausible.

“He wasn’t always an obsessive workaholic but became one at some point under stress tied to the Doom and/or Sundering.“ Disproved, Lahabrea has always had workaholic tendencies but evidence suggests he was making an effort to reach out more both with Erichthonios and Elidibus at some point before the Final Days.

Confirmed that Lahabrea has a history of being trusted and sincerely cared for by those working for him. He is a good boss.

Lahabrea as the one responsible for Zodiark’s concept not explicitly confirmed, but very strongly implied by the types of experiments conducted by Athena that he gained knowledge of. Knowledge of these experiments was sealed inside Hephaistos. We can reasonably infer that before the Final Days and the Silent Hill apocalypse it brought (summoning all of the repressed fear, anger, hatred, despair and turning them into involuntary creations that terrorized the populace), Lahabrea likely reunified with Hephaistos to access this knowledge. This could not have gone well for him under the circumstances and is part of why it is likely the First Beast belonged to him.

Confirmed that, if sacrificing himself in any capacity won’t solve the problem, Lahabrea is prepared to make the call and sacrifice others to protect life on Etheirys to a greater degree. This is not easy or painless, but precedent exists with the keywards.

Disproved that Lahabrea was saved from the Sundering because he was behind Zodiark’s concept. Yoshi-P said in an interview since that Emet-Selch and Elidibus escaping into the rift together was by design, but Lahabrea being included was because he happened to be in convenient proximity.

Pattern of extreme self-hatred explicitly confirmed as part of Lahabrea’s psychology through the way Hephaistos addresses him. Lack of boundaries in self-sacrifice/a tendency to put himself last also explicitly confirmed as part of his psychology to the point of being called out on it by Agdistis. He hasn’t been okay for a long time. It is unconfirmed currently that he’s wanted to die for a long time but unable to self-terminate due to tempering and a need to serve his people in every way he possibly can--but remains plausible. Lack of personal self-worth confirmed in how he weighs his continued presence/survival against the false memory of Athena for Erichthonios, to be expanded on later. Confirmed he is overwhelmed by guilt and regret, expanded to precede the Final Days and made explicit in that he was so overwhelmed he literally split his soul to escape the experience.

Theory regarding Lahabrea’s survivor’s guilt and feelings about being the man who sacrificed his entire world but not himself implied as extremely likely due to parallels set up in MSQ sidequest Shadowed Pasts.

Unconfirmed that Lahabrea talked in circles at Toto-Rak purely because he was exhausted, further speculation available now that it may have been because he has trauma caused by soul-bonding and the Echo risks a stranger getting insight to his soul and memories without consent. He was probably still tired and loopy as hell, but that might be why he switched languages and spoke poorly of the Echo.

Added reason given for why Lahabrea would seek to possess souls similar to himself. We see both via the MSQ  in how voidsent consume each other, what Lahabrea fears about soul-bonding, and Thancred’s dialogue/behavioral overlap with Lahabrea that identity can become blurred at a certain spiritual proximity. Lahabrea has possessed a lot of people and likely gotten extremely disoriented over twelve thousand years. If he doesn’t possess people similar to himself, he would completely lose himself.

Lahabrea as The Dreamer unconfirmed and currently unlikely imo, it was probably Anima/Varis. I’m still very suspicious about the designs of blasphemies (Svarbhanu especially) given Lahabrea’s psychological issues and iconography though.

Lahabrea’s character design historically is not the same as the design for Thaliak in the present. We don’t know what Lahabrea looks like in the present. Further information pending, but I continue to suspect there is a link between Lahabrea and Thaliak that will be revealed in future content due to surrounding lore.

PART II

Symbolism attached to fire, ice, and lightning in Ul’dahn funerary rites has been neither confirmed nor denied with relation to Lahabrea at present.

Again, the worm/serpent has been explicitly confirmed for Lahabrea in both the Hegemone and Hephaistos fights, being placed in connecton to Genesis. As in, Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil + Serpent + Temptation + Sin.

“The Phoenix: Rebirth, renewal, bonds between people, mourning, commitment, self-destruction.” I mentioned this before, it still holds and the rebirth foreshadowing only continues to grow with both normal phoenix mechanics for Hephaistos and Hephaistos’ giggling reaction during the second stage of the savage fight. Latter linked here.

“Sound: Music versus cacophony, creation versus destruction, an expression of the collective.” Unfortunately we don’t have official lyrics to Scream yet so I’m not comfortable doing a full analysis. From what we can decipher though this is mostly holding except for the purely collective element. We go from Silent Scream without lyrics to Scream with them and the spirit is consistent for both.

“I would argue that Lahabrea has the strongest link to the Worm, Emet-Selch has the strongest link to the Phoenix, and Elidibus has the strongest link to Sound.” While in the past I did say none of the symbols are exclusive to a single character, as things are playing out currently Lahabrea’s ties to all three are at the forefront and I’m inclined to disagree with my past self. This isn’t to say Emet-Selch and Elidibus don’t have their own symbols or any symbolic overlap, but I do think these are primarily Lahabrea’s.

Ramuh still knows things and the lyrics to Thunder Rolls are still incredibly sus. At least partially confirmed for foreshadowing the return of unsundered souls within Zodiark to the star. If Lahabrea himself is freed from both tempering and Athena’s power over him it will be fully confirmed.

I discussed why Ancient Etheirys couldn’t be a secret dystopia and did need to be authentically good. While I still stand by that, I currently don’t think it’s as close to a utopia either. I went over it in part IV, but my current opinion is that the Ancients sacrificed some pretty important things to avoid conflict (self-care, individualism, freedom, etc.) and this led to mental health issues for many combined with vulnerability. Emet-Selch wasn’t exactly wrong in how he described Amaurot, but he was extremely naïve and his tempering/lack of self-awareness is even more apparent.

Plot twist, the Calamitous seed referenced by Ramuh really wasn’t born of sundered mortals! At least, not entirely. The question remains relevant though and I don’t think has a single answer. Athena was certainly a big part (as were Hermes/Meteion) and literally says she planted a seed of herself within Lahabrea--creating a thematic link. However, a lot of the elements observed in thesis part IV point to there being a major unaddressed problem in Ancient culture regarding power discrepancy. 6.2 highlights it further.

Lahabrea defeating the worm/First Beast himself currently unconfirmed but I am watching.

Links between Archaeotania, the First Beast, worms/serpents, dragons, Shinryu, and Svarbhanu not currently confirmed or disproved. Still worth noting the greatwyrm Tiamat is actively pissed at the Ascians and likely would be at Lahabrea specifically given his track record. Also worth noting that we haven’t seen the draconic chorus from Footfalls (’Our slumber disturbed/All my brothers wake/Death comes/Our slumber disturbed/Vengeance will be ours’) has yet to be addressed in Endwalker. Specifically, the focus on vengeance. Very much still plausible.

HILARIOUSLY, WE DO HAVE A TRUE DEVOURING MOTHER/MOTHER OF MONSTERS EXCEPT IT IS NOT TIAMAT BUT ATHENA. Unexpectedly confirmed theme, different character than anticipated but fucking delighted by the surprise.

Uncertain what Emet-Selch’s final status will be. There definitely are phoenix themes/imagery for him shown prominently across his design and with Suzaku, but the connection emphasized hardest as of 6.2 is Lahabrea’s. Despite bets I made in the past and continued suspicion regarding the Solus clones--I think Hades is at minimum going to remain absent for a while. If he does return outside the Lifestream in the future, my suspicion is it will be via reincarnation. This one is a big ??? for me.

I’m reasonably sure Elidibus is coming back so far as phoenix themes go, but I don’t think it will happen before Lahabrea.

Links between Lahabrea and Elidibus with the first and second beasts of the apocalypse from Revelations (and Paimon) still plausible, with an added psychological nuke for Lahabrea given Themis’ involvement and support in Pandaemonium.

Links between each of the Unsundered and the Four Lords continue to track. I have a lot of questions about Emet-Selch/Suzaku and Genbu vs Soroban in terms of future direction. Byakko still fits Lahabrea very well in terms of isolation and doubting whether he is beast or man. This is particularly true given what has been implied of Lahabrea’s psychology relative to Ancient treatment of the aetherically gifted. The isolation is also consistent with what has been reiterated through Barbariccia’s story in Shadowed Pasts--enough for me to emphasize that element. The lyrics to Amatsu Kaze still track.

Anyone who may have assumed I fucking yelled about Agdistis with her tree imagery given Sephirot’s ties to Lahabrea, with added emphasis placed on her in the context of Jewish tradition standing as the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil to Sephirot’s Tree of Life? With a bonus that SEPHIROT is the Unreal trial introduced in 6.2? Yeah, I’ve been fucking yelling lol. Consider everything surrounding Sephirot analysis extremely confirmed, underlined, bolded, neon signed. I am still losing my shit. I legitimately can’t articulate how excited I am about this.

I will say that I’m having a very, very serious pause because 6.2 Lahabrea has some seriously Freudian psychology at work in terms of Id, Ego, and Superego. Rereading what I wrote for Zurvan and Sophia bearing in mind what was revealed in 6.2 (ex. Zurvan with an inappropriately placed mouth being above good and evil creating twins could parallel original Lahabrea splitting, Sophia is about familial murder/suicide in answer to following abuse and loss)--I do think there’s room for a reading where all three of the Warring Triad represent aspects of Lahabrea. I’m even wondering if Sophia herself could be Athena while Lahabrea is the daughter--including in terms of design where Sophia literally stands on the daughter’s head. Particularly relevant given mythological Athena burst from Zeus’s head and Athena planted a seed of herself within Lahabrea psychologically. I don’t think this read is necessarily exclusive with each primal being aligned with one of the Unsundered, but worth some reflection.

Fiend analysis confirmed but also gets more extreme with the understanding that Lahabrea had been repressed and suffering even before the Final Days.

PART III

Lahabrea is the constellation Pisces, and interesting addition in that being symbolized by two fish given the whole thing with Hephaistos. We still need to wait and see if more fish imagery emerges though. The fire theme is strong with this one.

I have a lot of questions about Mateus as a voidsent wielding Lahabrea’s sigil. Did Lahabrea just possess someone so hard that they identified more with him than themself?

Fish lore and Thaliak theory remain sus as hell. For the record, given what we learned with Aglaia--I currently don’t think Thaliak is literally Lahabrea, but I do still think Thaliak signifies Lahabrea in some capacity.

Basically lots of questions no answers we need more fishy encounters.

PART IV

Confirmed, Lahabrea’s true name is Hephaistos!

All but explicitly confirmed that Erichthonios is not our Lahabrea. Erichthonios’ father, Hephaistos, is. This is underlined by the fact that Hephaistos completely fits the psychological profile and behavioral patterns of our Lahabrea while Erichthonios very much doesn’t. A big focus of 6.2 involved looking at Lahabrea as a fallible person with his own vulnerabilities despite both his reputation and Erichthonios’ assumptions. Parents are people.

Screwed up treatment of people with strong aetheric power in Ancient society all but explicitly confirmed. Lahabrea appears to deeply distrust himself to handle his own emotions or have personal desires/needs that aren’t somehow a detriment to others. While there may or may not have been an aetheric component to his choice to cut out part of his own soul--dialogue from Athena suggests a significant component was her preying on his existing insecurities and fears. The Barbariccia section of Shadowed Pasts only makes cultural implications more likely through parallels. Also confirmed that Lahabrea was under unbelievable pressure and scrutiny in his position, both regarding his seat and as an extremely aetherically powerful figure.

“Lahabrea in all likelihood is trying to shield his son from the burdens and scrutiny he has to deal with–keeping him from opportunities and responsibilities because his own are so overwhelming. Erichthonios takes this as being unworthy of trust and seen as incapable.” DISPROVED, Lahabrea is actually better adjusted than this! He wants Erichthonios to find his own path outside of the shadow of his parents, Athena’s pushing him into Pandaemonium was inappropriate as well as dangerous, and frankly imo Erichthonios shows a lot of behavioral tendencies that suggest it’s not a good match for him in terms of personality either.

Possibility that Zenos’ voidsent was Lahabrea disproved, she is Zero.

Lahabrea’s relation to blasphemy designs and whether or not he is The Dreamer remains uncertain. I’m currently doubtful but it isn’t off the table.

CONFIRMED the two center figures on 6.2′s poster are both Lahabrea! Also confirmed he split his soul and can occupy multiple places at once! Unconfirmed whether or not there is similarity to how dragons do this--we need more information on that front.

Disproved that Athena is of darker complexion than Lahabrea in terms of design. This was minor, but SE did go with the realistic route that sometimes genetics be like that with Erichthonios being darker than both of his parents.

Interestingly, while there is room to take the Agdistis fight in the spirit of the Norse poem Hávamál with Odin hanging himself from the World Tree--Norse influence was not particularly emphasized in the patch itself. There is room just in general allusion to draw parallels with Odin and Loki a bit, particularly since Lahabrea chose to imprison his Jungian Shadow/Freudian Id in Hephaistos (I’ll get into this more later) and there is a motif of having made a sacrifice for knowledge. It’s not as close a read as the influence from Judaism, but it’s another layer.

Disproved, the eyes do not signify those Lahabrea possessed. Eyes are a significant motif but I suspect are actually symbolic of Athena herself. I will return to this.

Disproved, in 6.2 at least the serpent is not Elidibus. It’s closer to the Edenic connotation and has ties to Athena, knowledge, Lahabrea, etc.

Lahabrea did show up as an avian familiar under some suspicious circumstances early on in Abyssos to be mean to Erichthonios, but it was one of the cooked mini-phoinixes rather than the shoebill. Shoebill remains suspicious as all fuck but nothing confirmed yet.

Uncomfirmed whether Lahabrea at any point did or will fuse with the phoenix. We have reason to be incredibly suspicious though.

Confirmed Lahabrea’s sigil is halved because he split his own soul. Not sundered, but split.

Disproved, tentacles so far don’t seem to indicate the Kraken. Hephaistos was making a fashion statement (???) but I do have questions and want to know what was going on there. Tentacles are fun horror imagery don’t get me wrong lol, but why.

Disproved, the bottom figure is not present timeline Lahabrea. He isn’t wearing his mask of office because he resents himself and the responsibility/sacrifice it represents.

Confirmed, Lahabrea wears a collared shirt just because he is modest.

Unconfirmed that Elidibus/Themis’ soul was also split with half resting in the Heart of Sabik--but I still find this extremely plausible.

We gotta see if Ascian!Lahabrea returns for 6.3. I’m even more suspicious this is going to happen to be frank. 6.4 could happen maybe, but I’d be a bit surprised. If it doesn’t happen in the remaining Endwalker patches it’s still not impossible but I’d be side-eyeing SE from a narrative structural standpoint.  

Another element worth going over for this segment is my current understanding of primals, tempering, and how they operate. This will be relevant for analysis later on and my ideas on the front have become more defined over time, so it seems important to cover here.

My read is that primals are entities formed by humanity’s (as in, the Spoken races--this included beast tribes and is largely a marker of sentience/sapience) collective unconscious. As in, the Jungian collective unconscious--common experiences, instincts, archetypes, and symbols shared across history and evolution. These transcend culture and will frequently manifest in similar ways across cultures even when little contact exists between them. I think primals operate this way for a number of reasons--one being that we are told outright in the main scenario quest What Little Gods Are Made Of.

MINFILIA: Primals behave somewhat differently. In order to manifest and then maintain a physical presence in this realm, they must consume vast quantities of aether, most often in the form of crystals. Though they may seem to live, their flesh is but aether given shape. Thus a defeated primal leaves behind no broken corpse--rather, the essence of its form seeps back into the land whence it came, and the energy of its shattered spirit is called back to the aetherial realm.

URIANGER: And there it waiteth till next the prayers of the faithful do draw it forth from the sea of aether to take their offering of crystals and make for itself a new body...

The primal, with its prayer and purpose and remembered shape, is not erased outright but returns to the collective of souls where it mingles among them and can be summoned back.

I also think it makes sense for primals to be part of a collective unconsciousness through the combination of their missions/methodology along with how they influence the minds of those tempered. How tempering manifests would be a direct reflection of the mission for a given primal.

To offer examples, Lakshmi represents the desire for bliss free from strife--stripped of any interruptions of that bliss. Ifrit, I would argue, reflects a desire for certainty. More specifically the relief that comes from lack of responsibility tied to an all-powerful authority figure.

(Which, by the by, would make sense in terms of Lahabrea accidentally giving the capacity for tempering to Zodiark. It makes sense that he not only would have been terrified of the Final Days, but of making a mistake--of being the Speaker and the originator of Zodiark’s concept, the one demanding such sacrifice not only from the world but Elidibus too, the one who in many ways was responsible at that moment for the fate of the world and all life on Etheirys. It would be enough for him to wish someone else could tell him what to do, to not be the one responsible for such a choice, to wish anyone other than him had been in charge instead. As the shade of Hythlodaeus said, a stray thought would have been enough.

It’s not a weird thing to want under those circumstances. Lahabrea has had to bear the burden of responsibility for a long time with no small amount of suffering, and as the lyrics to Fiend suggest--he seems to desperately want to escape. He doesn’t trust himself. And I don’t think it’s coincidence that Ifrit of all primals, descended from Lahabrea’s own Ifrita, would embody such a thing too.)

These desires would be things that, to some degree or other, every living person has within them. The primal would then swell that potential, that desire, to the point that it was all-consuming and bend it to their purpose. It’s not that something is planted within that never existed, but an existing quality within the person would be magnified beyond natural degrees and exploited. Thought patterns are warped beyond anything the person would have experienced organically. The result is essentially magically amplified/enforced mental illness combined with coercion, none of which could be recovered from until very recently. It’s a prison for the mind where the person’s own thoughts form the cage.

What, then, of Zodiark’s tempering? Zodiark’s mission is salvation yes, but I think another element was added--for a world free from sorrow. To return the world to paradise. For all to be what it once was.

Except we, as players, know that sorrow has always been part of the world. Zodiark’s mission has no ending. As long as pain exists, salvation would not be achieved.

So, in-essence, there is a twofold mission--salvation and restoration. Part of how this becomes an issue during the Ardor is that there are only three Unsundered remaining. Even if you account for seeds for potential tempering in every person, if Zodiark’s followers were tempered to a crisp as Ifrit’s were they wouldn’t remain recognizably themselves at all. So existing impulses within each Unsundered would need to be twisted and exploited to the point that,  through faulty perception of reality or personal vulnerabilities, a set of circumstances would be presented that forced absolute compliance. It’s basically a combination of worst nightmare insanity (of the legal and mental illness definitions) along with coercion/enslavement. And again--there was no escape. No allowance for thoughts outside the magically reinforced pattern.

We see this in Emet-Selch at The Ladder in Shadowbringers. He starts to sincerely admire and appreciate the sundered working together to save their world regardless of differences only for his mind to be bent back, swiftly, to ‘but Amaurot was better’. We see it in how his own subconscious frames the sundered as closer to children to be protected. In Elpis, we can spot a discrepancy in how the Ancients assume the Warrior to be a familiar instead--neither something disturbing/distressing nor as close as a child. In Emet-Selch’s shades we get access to his true feelings that he literally could not admit even to himself. We also see abnormal thought patterns in how Emet-Selch, despite being over twelve thousand years old, doesn’t account for negative personal attributes also being reduced during sundering. He doesn’t connect (even without explicit mechanics) that lower aetheric density in sundered beings would also result in higher susceptibility to dynamis.

Expressions of Zodiark’s tempering would be subtle, insidious. It’s also what makes it impossible for Emet-Selch or any of the Unsundered to deliberately end their own lives. The duty and love they bear for their people absolutely forbids abandonment of the Ardor, even when they naturally would have given up. Their grief cannot fade, they cannot be allowed joy or connection to the sundered world. They cannot recover or find peace in any capacity because if they did, they might allow themselves to stop. The ONLY hope they are allowed is to restore their world. Even hope for death would be forbidden in their own minds. Emet-Selch, in Elpis, seems to recognize that by telling the Warrior where to find him and continually moving the goalposts to force a fight--his future self was essentially pulling suicide-by-proxy. He still had to fight with all he had and couldn’t actively try to escape the Ardor. But to the best of his ability he gave the Warrior of Light, Azem’s shard who had successfully killed Nabriales and Igeyorhm, the tools to kill him too.

It’s another way to read his statement that his ideals are inviolate. He couldn’t escape tempering, but he struggled with all he could. Presented with an opportunity to end the cycle he did everything in his power to make that happen. And, when the Warrior went to fight Elidibus in-turn (with Emet-Selch newly freed from tempering in the Lifestream) Emet-Selch did what he could to end the cycle for Elidibus too.

For Lahabrea, it’s like I’ve said before--Lahabrea’s tempering in all likelihood has the shape of a guilt trap. Being the man behind Zodiark’s concept as implied by Akademia Anyder, Lahabrea probably wouldn’t have been allowed to serve as sacrifice. His expertise would have been needed. So besides watching 3/4 of his people and Elidibus die (after other failures such as Archaeotania and likely the First Beast), everybody else in the world was functionally killed when the sundering hit. He, Elidibus (kind of), and Emet-Selch would have been the exceptions. Tempering would take that existing guilt of being the man who sacrificed all the world but not himself, who failed to protect everyone who’d trusted him, and exacerbate it so that no matter what he thinks or feels morally, personally--he no longer has the right to object to any measure that could restore his people and reward the faith they placed in him. Even if he recognizes the sundered as people, even if killing them repulses him... it doesn’t matter how he feels. His repulsion means nothing. He has to do whatever it takes.

We see with the kobold priest who got untempered that he goes through horror at the acts he committed, but Ga Bu demonstrates it’s not so much being unaware of yourself while tempering or being puppeted. It’s impulses.

And for Lahabrea, with his own total lack of trust in himself, it’s really not so strange that he’s the only one among the Ascians who calls Zodiark master. So while tempering might express differently in each of the Unsundered, the results still track with Zodiark’s mission.

Apologies that this section was mainly recap! I do have much more to come, the post literally broke because it was too big.

[drawyourheart]

i was going to post something but honestly its been a while since i played the game and ive forgotten some of his character in 1) my own projections that involve me using the canon as a baseline to develop a storyline that appeals to me personally (involving joker and akechi) that IDK IF WE EVEN GOT CLOSE TO IN CANON because im scared to finish shido’s palace, and 2) browsing around tumblr at other peoples interpretations. its all gotten jumbled up and honestly i wouldnt really feel comfortable to share my opinions about him without reviewing the canon again.

i do like to think of akechi as a character that grips onto his anger and spite out of necessity, like a lifeline. it helps him just as much as it hurts him, i think, and i enjoy seeing fandom interpretation that reflects on both of these sides. it reminds me a lot of myself as a trans person, and some of my favorite trans activists & artists on this platform, and reflecting on how a person may learn to let go of hate and latch tighter onto love comforts me. i also enjoy the bpd akechi headcanons out there (i’d link them if i had them immediately on hand), and other headcanons that explore how one may fall into cycles of self destruction solely so that somebody you care about cannot do it first. akechi is that kind of guy.

i have to  finish my playthrough of P5R before i give my opinion about what akechi post-shido may want or do, although i do have a lot of non-canon ideas that i like. but how far removed from canon can you get before just writing your own story lol... thats why i dont like thinking about these things too long cuz im afraid of writing something new that came from just me. that sucks and i hate it. so thats it i guess

[wizardpigeon]

They should put The Ather in Minecraft and I will tell you exactly why

Now kids this is not only because it's super cool to have portals and I want as many as I can possibly get, but also because I happen to like the Game Theory version of the Minecraft lore

Which is that an ancient society that was v technologically advanced (evidenced by the deep dark cities with what seem to be redstone labs and desert/jungle temples with traps) had some kind of catastrophic event/disease that left them unable to inhabit the overworld (after first conquering the nether and bleeding it and it's inhabitants dry of resources) and sent them running for a new place to live

(it's thought that this was possibly The Wither created accidentally while attempting to raise the dead and with the addition of The Warden I think this holds a lot of weight, although with the ocean monuments it could have been an environmental threat)

Now as it stands it seems that first they retreated to The Stronghold before learning how to open a portal to The End, although how they would have known the end was there Ive no clue; moving there and then running out of food and having to rely on Chorus Fruit for survival, eventually becoming endermen whos dialogue is understandable as corrupted English if youre looking for it

But if Minecraft had (still had? Was it really in the game or did I hear wrong?) The Ather dimension then we could add another layer to that

We already have ruined ships around the overworld, why not ruined skyships? There are potions that make you float, enchantments that make you fall slower and take less damage, why couldn't they have been created by an ancient civilization trying to escape their doom by taking to the sky? (Since The Ather is generally thought to be above the overworld while the nether is below)

You could have the remains of bridges between islands, tall towers that stretch even further into the clouds, sky docks with ships that have long since forgotten how they got there,

Think Of The Potential!!

Of course certain elements may have to change to fit this story, for example, the stronghold and end portal being found in The Ather instead of the overworld, maybe you could find smaller strongholds in the overworld that have portals to the Ather, but the One Portal To The End would be in the last place the Elders (I'm calling them that now) tried to make a home

Now I've never tried it and ather portals need mods now so idk if it's possible to open a portal to the nether from the ather but let's assume thats possible

So I'd say that they try to live in the nether first but quickly realise that they're not suited to it and just because the Piglins can doesn't mean The Elders can, so they go up, but they still need Stuff and sometimes people can go right to The Ather from the overworld, since it's much easier to get Obsidian than glowstone, most people make nether portals as a stepping point between their old home and their new one

Possibly having to destroy the portals once they're through so that The Problem can't follow them through (we never see ruined portals in the nether so I'd say they destroy them that end N take all the materials with them)

[reggiepeters-love-bot]

apparently all i do now is tell yall my thoughts on whatever i recently watched instead of trying to come up with good content. anyway, i finished nhie s3 today, so:

- ive never been team benvi, but i dont feel super mad abt it as much as i wouldve a few years ago

- paxton my boy ily, amazing character development 

- i wish daxton dated for longer. i feel like there was too much buildup to them being an official couple for them to break up so soon

- i didnt like the timeskip. ik in some way it was necessary but also ive just always hated random time skips

- i love aneesa, just like everyone else on here i wish she got more screentime. glad she dumped ben and didnt take any of his disrespect

- fabneesa,,,, why did that happen if they were gonna throw it away so quickly. it had potential and coulda been a good storyline for both fab and aneesas characters but it literally did nothing

- also w fab,, even though she had a good amount of screentime i feel like there wasnt enough storyline from her. like when she was dating eve we had her whole thing about struggling with still not fitting in even in a queer group and feeling like she had to not be herself. this season, all of her plot points were so rushed. between eve being written out in the first five minutes to literally n o n e of her relationship with addison being shown, fab as her own individual character felt kinda forgotten about. and then her just randomly telling devi and el about losing her virginity when a) el got her own lil storyline for that and then b) as dumb as it may sound, losing their virginities was kinda a big deal for those three and to have it brushed off for one of them feels weird

- trent and eleanor r everything to me. i love them dearly

- character growth from all the vishwakumars>>  wont waste time on devi bc whatever everyone else has said i agree. but nalini not being so strict with devi and their relationship being stronger and healthier is so nice to see. proud of kamala for moving out and for also not just doing whatever her family wanted her to do. and then nirmala coming around and being understanding of kamala after hearing her out. all of it is so good

- i honestly liked des and devi together. they had good chemistry and devi was also in a place where she could be more confident in herself. obv he sucked for not defending devi to his mom but im not too torn up over them breaking up, especially since it furthered devis development

- the way that rhyahs behavior started out as small things to kind of hint at the kind of person she was before the final straw of what she said about devi was rly interesting and i appreciated it from a storytelling standpoint, esp bc nalini was wary of it every time

- glad ben is a better person now. still not my fav

- someone pointed out that the ben and margot thing was put aside in order for there to be drama next season, but i didn’t like that it was just completely forgotten about. like, they agreed to a date and then it was never mentioned again,, like, not even in passing

- eleanor and paxton besties, love to see it

- also trent being sad about paxton leaving was so cute i love him. and him giving paxton his hat,,, monumental

- trents love language in general i love. when el was at dinner with him and he said “not even weed makes me this happy” was freaking everything and i love that eleanor understood how much that meant

- while the show had a lot of strong moments and the best character development of all the seasons, i feel there were also plenty of things that moved too quickly and didnt get enough time and werent explored enough

thats all. take a shot for every use of “character development”

[6lost6but6trying]

Jan 25. 2024

You know…

I had a dream about you

Well multiple

Never knew why exactly

They were all so random

Either you were a friend and hanging out with our friends

Or it was a one on one type dream👀

Dont ask

These would be the most randomest ones

It felt so wrong dreaming it while on her bed in the morning

I be walking on eggshells hopeing i NEVER speak in my dream or else imma have to lie and i dont want to

Ill feel like shit

I keep those dreams to myself

I just know if u ask me now about them

As youre reading these

I would probably have forgotten

They were not important if i forgotten it

If it was feeling important, i may remember it

May have written it down here

But i just know each time u come up

And i wake

I just miss you

I never wake up happy as i am in the dreams

I go on with my day as i do

Honestly

I have no idea wtf im doing

Ever since i got back from Puerto Rico, iv been mentally on airplane mode

So out of it

Our trip was good tho just us two both on airplane mode

Got sick together after doing an egg cleanse on eachother

That shit scared me

The egg she did on me BROKE and it was at my feet and not even 2 inches from the ground and it BROKE

We did it on our own and opened it separately

And each got 3 skulls in a cup… hers was worse

I tend to believe that my exbest friend and exgf are behind this because if we didnt have hexes, that shit wouldve been CLEAN

I feel like our relationship has been rocky due to them doing it to us…

Jess is soooo MAD about us together she im sure 100% said something to Angel and they did this. I know them two too damn well…

Dated jess for almost 5 yrs knew what she would think about before she said it & knew angel for 9 yrs

I blame them but also any actions i have taken that came off wrong…

Im just going with the flow ya know

Wherever it will lead

Im sure its some place

And if it drives me back to you

Hopefully its better

It just means u and i were not ment to be the last time

Wrong time

But

Right person

[lolosrollercoaster]

so - back on an I need to write this out to process it and I guess im sharing it mood.

So ... been looking for a job since April, took a bit of a break in May but was supposed to be back in it by now but I'm just. exhausted. the depression has come back full force and I'm now lk desperate and financially stressed af.

So anyways, all of these months I kept just mass applying when I could get myself to with the full resume I had - no changes. no tailoring it to an application etc. and then I decided to apply again to this one place in sept - even though last year when I applied I hadn't had much luck, but this time around there was a position very similar to my last one - and I was lk fuck it I gotta do it.

in the mean time I've kinda been going to a psychiatrist since lk august to be evaluated bc I think I might also have ADHD. But anyways she thinks that I need to leave my house, see ppl and rejoin life in order to see if my problems are from lack of doing anything and so my mental health is fucked bc im lk stuck at home feeling useless or if its because of something else - lk idk something is inherently wrong with me lol. I think she'd shit on me if I said that out loud to her. she's kinda cool - lk intimidating cool but not in a bad way. she's just such a no nonsense person and she'll read you lk you're an open book you cant get much past her.

my mom had to go in to share what she'd seen happening with me (aka lk the outsiders perspective of what changes can be seen in me since Ive been mentally fucked) and she was so nervous ahahaha and then in the end she was lk wait do I want an appointment with her for myself? my mom is a whole character. if only y'all knew.

anyways back to the job thing, so she told me to apply to anything, I just needed to get a routine going again. so I applied to a bunch of things. and then I got a message about a grocery store job on indeed and tried to reply but I couldn't help but feel a bit sad bc I thought man I finally got a grown up job and now I'm back to my OG job roots, back to the grocery store life. And honestly I think a lot of my extended family has fucked me up on that bc they're so snobbish about these jobs. ANYWAYS so I didnt hear anything back after I answered them 🤷🏻‍♀️ so I thought ok . and around that time I had stopped applying.

fast forward to the past 2 weeks - my dog got sick, I got sick - we had the worst flu, I've had the worst period of the last few years, ive been out of it, my mom has been out of it, my dog has been out of it - also right - my grandmas death etc. (truly Oct is kinda dead to me now. so yay on that 😭 one less thing to look forward to which is sad when you didn't have much left) but yeah so then I see this email late Friday evening - which shit I usually check my email daily but this time I had forgotten bc id been sick - it was an email from Wednesday from that job I'd applied in sept that was a lot lk the one I'd left earlier in the year. and they wanted to interview me this week - Wednesday or Thursday. I managed to reply as soon as I saw it. and then I got a confirmation that Monday for it - it was an in person interview today.

I tried to prep for it as best as I could while physically dying a bit - bc lk I said been experiencing the period from hell. And yknow what that means? I'm so fucking emotionally wrecked atm- so anyways my dad drove me I somehow managed to be there, I was early, dressed professionally and everything - had even practiced some answers ... and then idk man - I think I fucked it up. They asked follow ups or clarifications of my answers but by the end I wasn't sure how to feel except man definitely didn't get that. they told me they'd make a decision by next week and let me know either way.

and the worse or weirdest part is I've spent the past few days since I found out about it trying to downplay it - lk its fine, you don't need this, if it's for you then it will be for you and if it isn't then it isn't. but I felt so sad walking out - lk idk I just got that feeling that they didn't like me. so now I'm all sad - even if all I've felt recently is that idgaf anymore and I'm ok with just dying - bc yup I got that passive suic*dal ideation down to a routine now. anyways - if anyone has any words of encouragement I'll take them but yeah I am sad .... and I have little to nothing left to give. it's been draining to say the least. and the worst part is I know my parents are just going to be encouraging and even my psychiatrist -she told me that I would get a job and it wouldn't matter who and if for some reason I didn't get something I should just think of it "well they weren't capable of seeing how great you are and what an asset you'd be to their team and that's fine because that just means it is not the job for you" but it still makes me sad know? I have trouble letting go of things and I'm way too hard on myself so it's just - A LOT.

anyways thats my life update.